#and i hope it doesn't bother you too much that i still haven't properly answered you on discord ;-;

[theydoctor]

🍓 :D

Hiii <333

My beloved Ärzte mutual! You are a wonderful person and still one of my favourite mutuals. I'm always delighted to see you on my dash! And aaah I adore your art, you're definitely an inspiration to me! <3

Send me an ask and I'll compliment you (this goes for non-mutuals too btw)

[stuffnonsenseandotherthings]

In my spare time, when I'm not watching dramas I'm either reading books or watching people talking about books on YouTube. One tradition I've always really enjoyed is their "Mid-Year Freak Out" tag, especially because I like the idea of getting a chance to reflect on the year so far as well as look to the year ahead.

This year I thought I'd combine my two passions and use (and in some cases alter) the prompts for my own use, i.e. so that I can talk about dramas rather than books.

The only rule: answer the questions (and go wild I guess).

And we start the list with the biggest risk! No The Trainee is nowhere near finished and, no I have no idea how it's going to finish (it's GMMTV it could drop the ball through the floor and into the earth's core for all I know) but, if it manages to keep going the way it's going, I'm going to absolutely love it. I've mentioned before that The Trainee reminds me a lot of Misaeng, what I haven't said is that Misaeng is my (tied) favourite drama of all time and if The Trainee can get anywhere close to making me feel like I did the first time I watched Misaeng (which it is so far) then it's on to a winning formula.

So far it's got everything I look for in a drama: a solid cast with excellent chemistry, a plot that focuses on the little battles of everyday life, and an excellent mix of fast friendship and slow burn romance with plenty of character development along the way. It also doesn't hurt that it's got the balance between slapstick-funny and emotional tension pretty much bang on either.

I can't get this drama or it's characters out of my head and I am deeply, deeply, invested in where things are going next so, as a nod to the hold it has on me and my hope that I've found a new all-time fave, The Trainee is my favourite drama so far so GMMTV DO NOT LET ME DOWN.

Thai BL opening themes can be very hit or miss for me (I won't lie, I have skipped many an opening sequence because I can't stand the song) but Wandee Goodday's "Fan With Benefit" caught my ear the first time I heard it and refused to leave me alone after that. I think I listened to it on repeat for at least 2 weeks and then at least once a day after that.

It's fun, it's flirty, it's got a chorus I like to dance to and it has now found itself on my "Songs to Cook Dinner To" playlist (I don't know if that says more about the song or how I cook dinner).

Now if only the drama lived up to its theme song...

Last Twilight would have been on this list had I not dropped it in December and, as a result, rendered it ineligible for a 2024 drama. I'm still absolutely fuming about how badly it let its audience down and how terribly it handled an extremely nuisanced topic to the point its final messaging was almost harmful.

I'm not going to get into this in too much detail because my frustrations have been voiced much more eloquently by people @lurkingshan and @twig-tea. I will say, however, that I loved the first 6(?) episodes of Wandee Goodday and I'm really sad about how much I didn't enjoy the rest of the drama.

There were a lot of things to like (and a lot of potential) right from the start: two couples with great chemistry, an ace character with actual depth and dimension, really sweet relationships (both familial and friendships), and the foundations for some interesting explorations of various interpersonal dynamics. Unfortunately none of these things really got followed through on and instead Wandee decided to go dark (with topics like mental health, sexual assault, loss and grief, parental neglect and abandonment to name a few) and do it badly. I don't mind if a show wants to explore difficult topics, in fact I really appreciate it, but what I won't tolerate is a drama introducing those topics as central plot points and then skimming over them in the most superficial way possible.

If you can't be bothered to put in the effort to properly research/explore difficult topics, do not include them in your drama.

I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS SHOW SINCE IT FIRST GOT ANNOUNCED. Which unfortunate because I was so excited for it I got stressed about it living up to my expectations (or not) and then couldn't watch it when it came out. It's annoying, it happens, I know how to fix it.

Anyway, I've given it some space, I've dealt with the other things that were making me stressed and I am now ready to devour it give it a go.

I have long been a fan of Ahn Pan Seok's works and I really appreciate his directorial style, the themes he chooses to tackle, and the way in which he explores his topics of choice. I will fully acknowledge his work is not for everyone; he favours slow (extremely slow) stories with characters and plots who are realistic to a frustrating (and sometimes infuriating) degree. You also need to have a pretty in depth understanding of Korean society and its problems, taboos and concerns to fully understand the underlying messages of his dramas and the structures/beliefs/views he's critiquing. That being said, for me that is the perfect recipe for a drama that's going to claw itself into my brain and stay there.

Secret Love Affair, One Spring Night, and Something in the Rain all had a lasting impact on me and, thanks to @lurkingshan's posts, I'm pretty sure Midnight Romance in Hagwon will join them.

It may come as a surprise after the last entry but I actually try quite hard to not get hyped about upcoming releases, mainly to avoid creating any expectations which can then be disappointed. I like to go in with as open a mind as possible.

As a result, there are a few upcoming releases I'm keeping an eye on but none I'd say I'm properly "anticipating" (á la Midnight Romance in Hagwon). The closest I can get is Monster Next Door which I am genuinely excited for and which I plan to watch from day 1.

I'm not completely sure why I'm looking forward to it so much, I think it's because I do love a good opposites attract, foes-to-hoes dynamic and Monster Next Door seems like it's going to offer that to me in spades alongside a serving of comedy and a sprinkling of heat. Bring the introvert-extrovert pairing and let me watch them be stupidly whipped for each other, it's all I need for now.

Technically all of the dramas on my Want to Watch list because I want to clear it but I'm aware that that's a bit of a reach.... If anyone can spot any dramas on here that you think I should prioritize (or dramas you think I should scrap), recommendations would be appreciated.

I also want to watch more Japanese BLs. The few I've got through, I've enjoyed and, for a lot of them, I've already read and loved the source manga so I know I'll enjoy the plot. Unfortunately I really struggle with the short episodes (30 minutes is not long enough for me to get invested) and that I have to commit to binging them and can't watch them while they're airing, which is a whole other issue. I'm thinking of focussing on Japanese GL for now as a hook (I'm not enjoying the current Thai GL line up and I'm running out of Korean GL I can find online) so I guess the dramas I "need" to watch are She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat and Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko.

* Biggest surprise

* Newest favourite actor/director/writer/producer

* Most beautiful drama

* Newest fictional crush

* Newest favourite character

* A drama that made you cry

* A drama that made you happy

And there you have it! Lightly tagging @lurkingshan @twig-tea and @italianpersonwithashippersheart but no pressure! Anyone else who wants to do this, feel free! Just tag me so I can gather more recs to make my To Watch list even longer.

[shy-urban-hobbit]

21 with Lambden from the touch list, i need more Lambert getting hugged from behind, if you want to! <3

This one went a little angstier than I intended!!!

CW for child death.

Lambert placed his last blade in its holster after checking them all over - again. Try as he might, he just couldn't get his brain to stop and he was pretty sure the infernal organ was doing it purely out of spite at this point.

His thoughts just refused to quieten down, running around his head like panicked rabbits and making him extremely irritable. It wasn't the first time - there was a reason he had a reputation for having a rather short fuse - and he was loath to admit that Eskel and Aiden might be right when they said it was because he cared too much. He got angry when one of his experiments failed, angry when his loved ones got threatened or hurt and downright furious on behalf of the little boy he'd been and all those alongside him who were long since dead. Right now they weren't the children at the forefront of his mind though. Everything was revolving around the tiny little thing who had peered up at him from behind her father's legs - her twin sister having been snatched days ago by a bruxa. Her, they'd managed to dispatch no problem, the girl however....she was gone long before they'd arrived, half turned and half mad with it. Aiden had had to be the one to deliver the killing blow after Lambert hesitated a little too long and got a bite to the arm for his trouble. Her father had wept but placed no blame on them, claiming he already knew in his soul what had befallen his daughter after so long, but even false hope had been better than none at all.

He heard the other approach him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and draping his body across Lambert's back as he knelt behind him, "I can hear you overthinking." Aiden said, hooking his chin on Lambert's shoulder.

Lambert gave a mulish hum in response.

"The girl again." Aiden sighed, tightening his grip slightly, "You can't keep torturing yourself with 'what ifs' pup, you haven't rested properly in almost a week. There's nothing we could have done differently."

"We don't know that." Lambert snapped, "Maybe if we hadn't lingered on the road we would have reached the town sooner, if we'd found where that fucking thing was hiding quicker."

"Oh, so Wolf mutagens come with clairvoyance now?" Aiden asked in the no nonsense tone he used when he wanted Lambert to listen rather than actually provide an answer, " We could have done all that and the outcome would still be the same if the bruxa had struck a week, even a day earlier than they did."

"... doesn't it ever bother you?"

"Of course it does, you think I'm not haunted by the ones I couldn't save? I can't do anything to change that, but what I can do is make sure I'm fit and ready for the next one. Something which you are not doing by letting it eat away at you."

Lambert tensed but made no move to try and pull away as Aiden gently grasped his chin, turning his face towards him.

"Lambert, you're going to be no good to the next child you can save, or me, if you go into the fight exhausted. Try and meditate for awhile at least. For them if not for me?"

Lambert threw him an unimpressed look, "Dirty trick, Aiden."

"Is it working?"

It actually was. Now that he'd been given permission he hadn't realised he'd been seeking he felt himself relaxing against the other in increments. He made a small noise of protest and grabbed at one of Aiden's hands when he felt the other shift.

"Not going anywhere, just making us more comfortable."

Lambert let Aiden manhandle him until he was sat between the others spread legs, fully reclined against Aiden's front, who had one arm wrapped around Lambert's chest as he made himself comfortable with his back against the tree Lambert had first situated himself by. He slipped further out of meditation and into true sleep as the sounds of Aiden's breathing and heartbeat - the sounds of Aiden just being alive - coupled with the Cat's free hand cradling his face to run fingers through the hair at his temple caused his thoughts to - for now at least - quieten down one by one.

[12romy]

Thanks so much and so happy that you guys doing lewis/miles fics 🤩

Came up with the prompts “night” & ”light” ~

Thank you for the prompt❤️❤️

This is absolutely self-indulging and kinda cliché, but I hope you'll like it!

Enjoy~

'Blinding Lights' is playing in the background, Lewis bobbing his head in rhythm and humming along.

He's scrolling distractingly on his phone, and doesn't see Miles' eyes fixed on him.

It's a quiet afternoon. A small gathering with a few friends in a nice villa with a swimming pool, some good food, good alcohol, and good weed.

Miles can tell Lewis is high. He's lacking his usual energy, and is happy to lay around lazily when there's a swimming pool two feet away from him. Miles didn't smoke - he tries not to, when Lewis is around, because it only makes him want to kiss him.

The urge would be even worse than usual, since Lewis is currently only wearing swimshorts, droplets of water drying on his abs and his tattoos. That might be why Miles can't stop staring, he has to admit.

Spinz shows up suddenly, sitting next to him, smirking.

"Still haven't made a move?" he asks, and Miles want to punch that smile off his face.

"Obviously not," he whispers back furiously, his cheeks heating.

"You're not being very subtle, is all, bruv," Spinz shrugs. "He's head over heels for you, by the way, you should go for it."

"Please, we both know that's not true," he snorts. "It's Lewis we're talking about. He's not into guys. Besides, I'm happy just being his friend."

"Whatever you say, man."

"What are you guys plotting about?" Lewis asks suddenly, having lifted his head from his phone. His eyes are half-closed and he looks sleepy.

"Nothing much, don't worry," Miles dismisses quickly. "Hey, how about we go get some food inside? I'm hungry."

It's the right thing to say, he can always count on Lewis' cravings when he's high.

Lewis shots up from his seat, and rushes inside, barely waiting for Miles.

Before leaving, Miles makes sure to glare at Spinz threateningly.

*****

Night has fallen already.

Lewis can't move. It's not that he can't, exactly, but rather that he doesn't want to. He'd risk to wake Miles up, and he's pretty content to sit here and enjoy the contact.

They've ended up putting a movie, after dinner, and Miles started to dose off. He ended up slumped against Lewis, somehow, then he laid down properly and rested his head on Lewis' lap.

His hair is short so Lewis can't exactly tangle his hand in it, but he still pets it. The feeling of the short hair against his hand is nice.

"So, when are you going to tell him?" Spinz asks him, and he immediately scowls at him.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he says with detachment.

"Yeah, of course," his friends mocks. "So we'll pretend you weren't making poetry about how hot he was and how you loved him last time we drank together."

"I was drunk," Lewis protests.

"You were drinking your damn tequilla, we both know there's not a drop of alcohol inside."

Feeling called out, Lewis doesn't bother to answer. He can feel Miles stir, however, and is terrified that he's heard.

Miles slowly sits up, and he looks way too awake for someone who were supposed to be napping.

"That's my cue to leave," Spinz declares, and promptly walks out before Lewis can kill him as he intended to.

There's a long, awkward silence, and Lewis tries to muster the courage to say something.

"So uh-" Miles starts, hesitant. "I wasn't really sleeping."

"Yeah, I figured," Lewis says. He wants to crawl under the surface of earth and never come out.

"Actually I was pretending to sleep the whole time," Miles continues. "Because I like having my head on your lap. And your hand in my hair. Because I'm craving any physical touch I can have with you."

"Wh-what are you saying?" Lewis stutters, trying to process the meaning of the words, and already blushing like a fool.

"It's not just physical," Miles continues. "I just want to be with you, all the time. Do everything with you, talk to you, or just hang out and do nothing. I think about you a lot, also, and I miss you horribly when you're not around."

"I- feel the same," Lewis blurts out before he can help it.

"You're my best friend, man," he says finally, and Lewis feels his heart sink. Did he missread the whole situation? "But you're so much more than that."

Lewis can breathe again after Miles' confession.

They drifted closer while he was talking, and their mouth are only a few inches apart, now. Lewis is the one to close the gap between them. When they pull apart from what was the best kiss of his life, he's also the one to say "I love you".

Miles doesn't lose a second to return the feeling.

[toxicpineapple]

Hello! I'm a huge fan of how you write Rantaro, and I've had an idea for a fic for a while which would follow him. Do you have any tips for writing him, or writing how he interacts with other characters? No pressure to answer if you don't want to, love your work!

this is another one of those asks that has been sitting in my inbox for aaaageeeees but i haven't been able to gather the spoons to answer it properly so we're doing it now. i'm so sorry if you've already written or given up on that fic idea by now, i hope this can still be helpful to you or anyone else who reads it!

so for me the big thing about rantaro is balancing the Relaxed Cool Demeanour and the Inner Darkness. rantaro is easygoing and highly socially intelligent, he's able to go along with just about anything -- at times i would say he's even too casual (happily remarking upon instances where his life was threatened in tdp, just for example lol) and he's just generally very. hard to fluster, hard to make angry. you see rantaro upset in the context of the killing game, and stern at times, but never angry, and never on a personal level. imo, it would take a lot to get him to that point. not a lot sways him. rantaro's patient and indulgent, he'll just let people get away with whatever for the most part. probably a bit of an enabler too, even when people are doing things they shouldn't like pranks or crimes. this dude seriously could not be bothered. he grew up with twelve younger sisters and has been constantly in danger for the past however many years of his life, he's just vibing.

and then there is the Inner Darkness lol. rantaro is distrustful, he keeps personal information close to his chest and he will change the subject, subtly or unsubtly, when things go in a direction he doesn't like. he's vague about his personal life or feelings, and he'll probably be pretty difficult to pry any honest communication out of since this dude is just. sooooo withdrawn despite a carefree, friendly demeanour. outside of that rantaro also has an IMMENSE guilt complex specifically around his family, specifically specifically around his sisters -- he gets melancholic whenever talking about his family, he feels a disproportionate amount of responsibility towards his sisters and their wellbeing... this dude is full of the Angsts.

he's also very singleminded, the type to take on an impossible burden solo (be that ending the killing game or finding twelve missing people all over the world) and it takes a lot to get him to open up or accept help. doing things alone is in his nature. even in his love hotel, where he has someone he can still protect... he wants to do things by himself, so they won't get hurt. rantaro would rather carry the responsibility than let his loved ones help him. he alone has to be the person to do it, he can't let other people be dragged into his messes.

to that end i think rantaro is very very protective. the sort of person who would only really get angry if you hurt someone he cares about. i think even when he knows his loved one is in the wrong, he'll still protect them. it's in his nature. he stands up for those weaker than him, he stands up for those who are vulnerable, and he stands up for those he cares about -- he is just protective by nature, and selfless, and there's nothing he wouldn't do for someone who managed to tear down his walls and get him to open up to them.

dude... also has some pretty severe attachment issues lol. he very strongly avoids shuichi learning the truth in the ftes, even going as far as to rebuke him kind of rudely (though shuichi is also prying but we love him for it) but as soon as rantaro opens up and receives even a little bit of encouragement he jumps straight to "please travel the world with me forever" LOL this dude goes from 0 to 100 in seconds. top ten guys with no friends or family who then immediately melt the second they receive any kind of affection. he's wild for this for real.

i didn't cover it too much but i do believe rantaro is very repressed as well, the type to kind of just cover up his feelings with a smile. he canonically hides injuries in tdp (and is good enough at it that he's only noticed by mukuro, who has an uncanny intuition) so i think it's safe to say rantaro is the type of guy to keep it all locked up. but also reckless enough to get into all kinds of dangerous situations and poke his head into problems that aren't his. or reckless enough to say, go down to the library and try to confront the mastermind alone an hour before the time limit...

one last trait i like to give rantaro is being a bit unreliable or flighty, not in intense situations like you see in v3, but in relationships? mukuro reads rantaro for filth in tdp accusing him of never maintaining a romantic relationship because he won't open up to his partner, and lol. lol. top ten guys with zero communication skills. i bet when he gets asked about his problems he just walks away and pretends it didn't happen later. classic rantaro.

i have so many thoughts about this man just in my brain can you tell he is everything to me. anyway once again sorry for the late response i hope this helped anon!

[tesnuzzik]

Pardon me! I sent you a message on Twitter a few days ago but I guess it wasn't checked. I'm kinda shy so it takes a long time for me to decide whether to resend it. However, I really want to clearly express my feelings to your amazing illustrations. And here I am😳

These days I've finished reading the dragonmatsu doodle comics ,too🤗(god sextuplet are SOOO CUTE! ) And there is one question I've kept thinking: since sextuplet are just half dragons , maybe the origin of their elements comes from outside? Like, the elements chose sextuplet to be the master for some reasons, they are not innate.

Besides, I also notice Totti still gets along well with Atsushi, who seems to be an aristocrat with great power. Is there any chance that he hatches a plan to change the political dynamics with Totoko and general Muno? (they're all familiar with kingdom)

……Ahhhh too many thoughts. How appealing the dragonmatsu is! I hope my lengthy words won't bother you😶Keep going on creating more fantastic illustrations and comics!!!

Hey! My Twitter doesn't properly show dm's from people I haven't followed (it doesn't notify me), so I indeed didn't see it until now (I'll send a reply to your message there as well :) I never really made a decision on how their seperate element powers came to be for the comic, but I discussed some ideas in this answer to an ask a few years ago. I do really like your idea, it's a much more sense making magical explanation than the life-magic idea and not as... troublesome as the biological one. I DID, however, think up an origin story for their elements when I thought up a new Dragonmatsu story, which I posted on Twitter here. This story has nothing to do with the comic though, and is much more fairytale-like. As for Atsushi, I remember having plans for him trying to help and fix the situation. The aristocracy was divided by elements of mages, as the ability to control specific elements well depended on family. The gem Atsushi gave to Totty was an air-gemstone, crafted specifically to help Totty control his magic a little bit better and protect him when needed (He wears a different one himself as well). His easy access to air gemstones? He's part of the Air Nobility, just like Muno :) So he already knew her! Also, before the situation with Vitharr and the prince, the Dragon Hunters were only there to protect the kingdom from danger, not to seek out and kill dragons. Totoko also didn't want to be part of the new regime just like Muno, and I had plans for her and Chibita to team up and search for the Matsus :) And no worries about the questions! I think it's fun to go back to old projects, it's nostalgic but also shows me how far I've come since then <3

[silentcrowsilentravens]

An alternative version to Mirander's section of this post with a happier ending.

Mother Miranda’s s/o surviving a near-death experience. 

(Gender neutral).

Warnings: blood and referenced violence.

Masterlists here!

The quiet in the village is unsettling. It beckons you towards a welcoming grave, but you refuse to acknowledge its call. You continue to cling to consciousness with every ounce of strength you have left. 

Red is blossoming across your top.

Your ears are still ringing from the gunshot. 

The culprit has run off with your Lei, which you had given him when he demanded it!

Moving hurts. 

Breathing hurts. 

There isn’t much you can do aside from weakly call out, hoping someone will wander close enough to hear you. 

Miranda is struggling to focus. She stares at the papers in front of her, their words not sticking and her thoughts drowned out by the ticking of the damned clock. 

…You’ve been gone for a while now. It never takes you this long to finish a single errand.

More minutes pass by. 

Did something happen to you?

The cold bite of the snow has long since rendered the backs of your legs numb. You haven't got a clue how long you've been sitting against this wall. You've been too busy drifting in and out of consciousness to keep track of time.

"Can …ou… ear… me?" 

Barely. Just barely, your ears pick up a voice. You can't make out a word. Can’t place it. Can’t process it. 

A shadow falls over you.

"...ry to sa… om… ing?" 

What?

"...an y… hea… me?"

You try to speak, but you can't. All that comes out is a groan. 

Are you being moved? The pain is somehow getting worse.

"Mother Miranda?"

Not now. She doesn't have time for this. 

"Mother Miranda!" A man rushes over, dropping to his knees and practically kissing the ground, "I apologize for bothering you, but it's urgent! I have brought a dying person into my home!" 

Miranda pauses. 

"I don't know what to do… Please, could you be so gracious as to help?"

"This individual," she says, "what are they wearing?"

The man blinks at her, then hastily describes the exact outfit you left in.

Without another word, without wasting another second, Miranda enters the man's house.

"In the den!" he says, trailing behind her. "To the right!"

You're laid across a battered couch. There's been a clear attempt to staunch your bleeding. You seem practically lifeless.

Not again. 

Not again. 

Not again. 

Miranda scoops you up and gets you back home, where you can be properly treated. 

She works as fast as she can to save you. 

She can't lose you too. She can't.

Things aren't looking good.

Not again.

Not again.

…

Cool fingers brush against your cheek.

“...Darling?”

The dim room seems far too bright. Your eyes struggle to focus.

Your surroundings are familiar. 

The figure hovering over you is even more so. 

Pale blonde hair.

Light eyes. 

Full lips, ever so slightly downturned. 

“Hi, pretty bird…” you greet hoarsely. 

Miranda lets out a sigh, somewhere between relieved and half-heartedly annoyed at the nickname. 

"M'sorry. Never ended up getting what you asked me to."

"Forget about that." Miranda did. She was too busy worrying about you. "Tell me who did this."

"I don't know his name."

"Then give me a description so that I can find him and make him regret ever laying a finger on you."

Your Miranda…

She is hardly ever one to let things go. Even if you fail to provide an answer, you don’t doubt that she’ll find a way to track him down anyway. Might as well not draw out the process. You give her as many details as you can.

She hums, then leans down to press a kiss upon your forehead. "Rest. I shall be back soon."

[bengiyo]

My Only 12% Ep 5 Stray Thoughts

Y'all, I am shaking with emotion and we haven't even started.

Last week I was screaming that it was vital that Eiw finish Love of Siam, and here we are with him sneaking down to watch it. This was also my gay experience in my teens. I watched so many shows and movies at almost muted with captions turned on.

What do we need to do to get this film remastered? Someone call the folks at Criterion Collection. If we can do this for Ghost Dog (one of my favorite films) we can do this for Love of Siam. I need to organize a viewing.

Okay, but I am super nervous about the focus of Eiw's viewing being Tong's mother convincing Mew to end their romance.

Seriously, what do these parts even mean to BL fans who haven't seen the film? It matters so much to me that New is referencing this film.

Oh fuck I keep forgetting that Prem is in this and it surprises me every time. Where's that gif from the office?

I keep seeing a lot of electrical retrofit in Thai dramas that involves using insulated pipes outside of the walls. It's definitely cost efficient, but there's your rehabber commentary for the week.

Hey that was a nice transition from one room to the other.

We have so much footage of Santa sleeping.

Damn, Santa is pretty. I get why Wabi Sabi signed him when he was 17.

I am enjoying Prem as an older brother.

I've been in genre too long. I can't remember Peak's character's name. It is fun to see him play with Earth. Neither really look like teens to me anymore though.

Oreo!!!! I know there's going to be something off about your character, but I'm glad to see you.

Very glad Cake learned keyboarding skills at his school. He does pick up skills, despite never doing his own homework.

I feel bad for these street vendors on busy streets. How much car exhaust have they inhaled? How much has ended up on food people have consumed?

Oh, Sand, you gonna order ice cream when you know you don't have no money?? I was prepared to frown at you, but I am still disappointed. And cab fare??

It's kinda fascinating that no one seems bothered that Eiw and Cake are as close as they are, but are all concerned that Eiw is clearly creating distance.

I know Earth is a good crier, but goddamn I just want his characters to triumph just ONCE.

I'm a big brother and one of the oldest cousins. I wish I'd had a big sister when I was struggling with figuring out who I was. The amount of internalized homophobia coming out of Eiw is making me feel heavy.

"Sis, if it's not wrong, then why [is] everyone in that movie...[un]happy?" Baby boy, that was what we've been asking for 15 years. The answer is that we needed straight girls to feel sad to move the needle. That we also had to be sad is the burden we carry for the young people behind us. You hurt, and it matters. Know that it was not for naught.

I am sobbing. This is a lot.

I hope there are more sisters out there like Hom.

I cannot properly articulate the depths of loneliness I felt in the aftermath of H. Katrina as I came of age as a queer person, nor would I want to on a reaction post like this. However, I hope many of you who are watching along and reading this are only curious and a bit confused. I hope you don't fully grasp how Eiw feels. I hope things were good enough for you that this wound doesn't linger.

Cake saw that something was wrong with Eiw. What will he do next? Of course he waits on Eiw's room to cuddle.

Aww, Cake, I love him asking direct questions.

Growing up is hard. These boys are going to break me.

It's so adorable that Eiw is protective of his big sister.

Oh lord this boy done put a bunch of Hom's pictures on the wall. I am NOT finding this cute.

Sand better not harm Eiw and prove Cake's worries correct.

Cake is on the phone with Rin in Eiw's bed. Frustrating.

Oh don't cliffhanger on a Now Kiss Moment that Cake doesn't even recognize.

Oh good it looks like we might resolve Sand next week.

[justaloserwhowrites]

Hopeful Part 8

A/N: This is long, and I've had a really hard time not being distracted today while writing this. I hope you guys like this and have liked this series. I will post a epilogue in a couple of days. Enjoy!

Pairing: Peter Parker x Stark!Avenger!Reader

Warnings: death, grief, disappearance (side note: these warnings are for the series as a whole)

You and Tony manage to stand up.

"Dad, we have to find the others." You both bob and weave through the collapsing building to find Thor, or at least what you thought was Thor. "What happened to you?" You lend a hand to help lift him. "And dear God why do you smell like a frat house?" Thor drunkenly grabs your hand to get up.

"Kid, the years haven't been kind to him. Maybe you should." Tony tells you in fatherly warning tone.

"I'm sorry, I just didn't think that things would get this bad." You tell Thor.

"It's okay, Young Stark. I suppose I have indulged too much because of my guilt." Thor says, patting you the shoulder.

Tony manages to find Steve's shield and Steve. He wakes him up and hands him the shield.

The four of you stand just outside the wreckage and see Thanos.

"What's he doing?" You ask.

"He's just been sitting there." Thor answers.

"Where are the stones?" Steve asks.

"I don't know. Somewhere under all this. All I know is he doesn't have them," says Tony.

"You know that this is trap." Steve says.

"I don't really care." Tony commands.

"Let's kill him properly this time." Thors stands proudly, lightning surrounding his figure as he catches Mjolnir and some rough looking axe.

Before they head out, Tony turns to you. "Kiddo, please stay here. Okay? See you can scan the building to find where the stones are."

"Dad, I can fight. I promise I can do this."

"(Y/N), please. I'm begging you. If you try, this guy will kill you. I can't lose you, again." He says, swiping your hair away from your face. You nod, and he pulls you into a hug one last time before going with Steve and Thor.

You had listened to your father. You scanned the building for the stones energy. You could see through the rubble that the stones were moving quite quickly. Before you do anything, you hear loud thuds of your father and Thor being thrown by the giant, purple douchebag. You immediately went over to Tony.

"Dad, get up. Wake up." You shake him furiously, scared.

Finally, you hear him gasp as we wakes. As you get up you see Steve pick up Mjolnir. He puts up a good fight against the Mad Titan, but ultimately he too was defeated. Struggling, Steve stands up again with his broken shield even as he wobbles on his way up.

"Cap. Cap." You all hear over the earpiece. "On your left."

With that, a portal forms from behind Cap. First one, then ten, then about a hundred portals open up. You see everyone come through. Including Peter.

Scott bursts through the demolished building. You rush over to their sides, and stand as a team.

"Avengers..." Steve pauses as he summons Mjolnir again. "Assemble."

You start to charge towards the army of aliens, united. You take flight blasting them as you land. You try to keep above them as much as possible, but there is a lot of them. You see Pepper and Tony and fly to them, triangulating all of blasts to the ground.

"It's so good to see you, sweetie," she says before zooming off.

You continue to fight, exhausting every bit of energy you have to beat these stupid space dogs. From the air, you see Peter save your dad from being attacked by what looks like a giant gray hulk. Your vision is shortly broken by a space dog leaping at you. You punch the thing off of you, but you still land pretty hard.

You hear them talking over comms about getting the stones over some van. You hear a horn off in the distance. You couldn't bother to look for it because you were preoccupied with fighting space soldiers and space dogs left and right.

In the corner of your eye, you start to see very large pieces of the building float into the air with a red haze. Unfortunately, you also see seconds later another hoard of soldiers coming at you. With an assist from the princess of Wakanda, you take them all out with ease.

"Hey Queens, catch." You hear Steve say over your earpiece. With that, you see Mjolnir soar through the sky and web to it. He's quickly caught by Pepper, and the by a badass lady on Pegasus. You take off into the sky and see him fall as these missiles fall from the sky. You land just above him shield him another one.

"Hey, Pete." You say, smiling ear to ear.

"Hey, I'm sor-" he starts, but you cut him off with a kiss.

"I love you, too. You didn't let me say it back. I also figured I would say it because we may die, soo-" he cuts you off this time. The kiss said everything that neither of you could form into words.

"Alright. Enough of that." You hear Tony say over the comms.

Suddenly, the missiles stop.

"What is that?" You ask.

When you look to sky, you see a huge beam of light charging down and through the huge space craft that hovered over the lake. This beam of light starts hurdling towards you and Peter. Peter grabs the stones and grips them in his arms.

Instead of impact, you are met by a glowing woman levitating in front of you.

"Hi. I'm Peter Parker." He states shakily.

"Hi, Peter. Got something for me?" She smirks at you guys. You both stand up, and Peter hands her the stones.

"I don't know how you'll get through all of that," Peter comments.

"Don't worry," Wanda says, landing next to light lady.

"She's got help." With that comes, every woman comes to front of the field. You join them as they go to fight. You try to clear the way by kicking the space dogs' asses. As Thanos comes,  you, Pepper, the Wakandan princess, and a space dude help to blast Thanos. It still wasn't enough because Thanos took his sword and threw it straight into the van.

The van explosion launched the light lady and the stones. She goes to fight him, both grappling over the stones. He manages to put the glove on as she tries to pull it off. He takes out the purple stone in hand and punches her down to the ground. Before Tony moves, he looks to Doctor Strange as he holds up a single finger. As Thanos puts the stone back, Tony turns his hand over and holds it down with all of his might. Thanos flings Tony away from him.

"I am inevitable," the purple douche says cockily. He snaps his fingers with no result. He looks at the backside of the glove, realizing it was empty.

Tony shows his hand, and the nanobots move the stones to the back of his hand. The stones start to course through his body.

"And I am Iron Man." He says with no hesitation as he snaps his fingers.

Suddenly, all of the space army as starts to turn to dust around you. Everyone looks around in shock.

After the dust had settled, you flew over to your dad with Peter seeing Rhodey there with his hand on Tony's shoulder. You knew what was happening. Peter had crouched down next to him, reassuring him that we had won. The tears started to fall from cheeks as you sobbed you sat beside Peter in front of your dad.

"Dad. Please, no." You weep. Peter holds your shoulders crying with you.

"It's okay, kiddo. I love you." He barely manages to say. You give him a faint smile through all of your tears.

"I love you, too, Dad." You say stepping away so Pepper could say her last goodbye to him.

You couldn't hear much as you cried into Peter's armored chest. He calmly brushed over your hair, attempting to soothe you through his own sobs and tears. You knew he was gone as Pepper starts to sob over Tony.

You gently crouch next to her, holding her. You closed his eyes and said, "He is at rest."

[honeybunnybeez]

Did you even...? (ANGST)

♡ Prisoner!c!Dream x GN!Reader, (Mention of past poly!dream team x reader)

♡ Summary: You pay an old friend a visit. You just need to get something off your chest.

This place seemed to be even creepier on the inside than on the outside and stepping foot into the prison gave you immediate chills. You look over to Sam, who strides through the hall with no issue at all. Well, that does make sense, he did build the place after all. He knew the prison like the back of his hand.

He gives you a quick glance before breaking the silence and asking,

"You sure you wanna do this?"

"If I don't do it now, I'll never do it. Might as well take advantage of the situation while it's safe, right?"

He doesn't say anything in response, and while it does leave a slightly awkward tension in the air, you think it's for the best.

After going through the countless safety measures, you finally make it to the bridge.

"Stand back, let the lava wall fall first."

You nod, feeling your chest starting to tighten up from how nervous you're feeling. As the wall falls, you can see a cell in the distance, and in that cell, a very familiar figure.

You start to feel hesitant when you see him and soon you start to rethink your decision as well.

"I-"

"Last chance, (Y/n). Do you want to do this?" Sam asks, his voice now firmer than before. "I won't be able to follow you, but just know that he won't be able to harm you in there."

You take a deep breath and remind yourself once again, now or never. Do it while he can't properly hurt you, while he can't manipulate you, while you still want to give him a piece of your mind. If you don't let it out now you'll regret never taking this chance.

"Y-yeah, I want this. I have to do this."

Sam doesn't say anything else and turns his attention to the many switches on the wall. "Stand on the bridge and hold onto the railings tight. The moment the bridge connects to the cell hop off quick."

You nod and step onto the bridge.

Upon seeing that it truly is you, Dream is quick to walk towards you but the netherite wall stops him from getting too close too soon. You were here, actually here, visiting him. He hasn't see you in ages, not since he left you three and you still look so-

"Dream?"

...you still look so lovely.

Despite his blank look, he seems dead tired and for the first time in a long while, you actually feel sympathetic towards him, but that doesn't mean you were going to go easy on him. No, it's going to take a while before you find yourself comforting him. Though, despite what you tell yourself you still have to hold back from holding him like you used to do.

As the lava falls back down, along with the netherite wall, you let yourself step over that line, approaching closer towards him and he does the same too.

"(Y/n)."

You let out a sigh, a hand covering your face as you try to get your emotions in check. So many things to say but the dull ache you feel is a reminder that you have so little time, but you do know what to start off with. With a deep breath you finally say what you've been dying to tell him,

"You absolute fucking asshole."

You can't help the venom that seep into your voice as you utter those words and Dream can feel his heart break a little as you use that tone with him. This wasn't your usual teasing insults anymore, you were furious and your voice more than shows it.

"All of this, and for what, Dream?" You ask him.

'For power, for absolute control,' a part of him thinks to himself, but he can't find the courage to say it to you. He can't make things worse than it already is.

"I'm sure Sapnap told you, he never could keep his feelings to himself," the way he so casually says it makes you want to slap his mask right off. If only he was there to hear Sapnap claim that Dream never cared about them, how devastating it was to hear those words.

"You're a selfish prick,"

He is, isn't he?

"Such a greedy motherfucker,"

He's come to terms with that a long time ago.

"...An absolute heartbreaking bitch."

...He didn't expect to fall this hard, (Y/n), he didn't know he'd fall in love too.

Tears start to fall as everything grows to be too much from all the sorror and frustration you're letting out with each word you say. You try your best to wipe them away but it's no use. It just hurts. You wish George and Sapnap were here to comfort you, to hug you, but they weren't and you aren't going to simply hug the monster in front of you no matter how much you want to. As much as it hurts you can't find it in you to stop talking just yet though.

"Was what we all had just a joke to you?" You manage to sob out.

He stiffens a bit as his thoughts race. Inside he's begging you to stop, to please don't ask him that question.

"Was it fun? Y'know- stringing me, Sapnap and George along, saying such loving words. Sharing all those gentle kisses and late night giggles. Were those moments just fake to you?"

(Y/n) please.

"Dream,"

What can he say, what do you want him to say? Please, (Y/n) he doesn't know what to say-

"Did you even fucking love us?"

'Yes,' something inside of him screams, the part inside of him that he tried desperately to ignore ever since he left you three. He wants to shout out his answer, wants to hold you close and never let go, but he can't, because he knows damn well he doesn't deserve it and it kills him everytime he thinks about it. He doesn't deserve you and them.

His silence and blank stare breaks your heart, but at the same time, it also... relieves you, to know that you don't have to cling to any false hope. To know that you can just let go knowing nothing between you four were ever real to him.

You let out a hiccup and a shuddering sigh. Unclenching the fists you never knew you were clenching to begin with. You have so much to say, but you think you've finally reached your limit, so you focus on calming yourself, starting to feel foolish for losing it in front of him.

Silence between you two filled the room, with you looking down at the floor refusing to even glance at him and Dream not moving from where he stands, his thoughts fighting with one another as he thinks about what he should do or say.

Before Dream can open his mouth he sees you starting to sway a little bit. You feel yourself starting to grow weaker as your sobbing slowly stops and the dull ache from before is becoming unbearable, and that's when you realize the potion was still in effect. Your time was running out, you have to leave soon.

You accept whats coming, you said your piece, and even though you still feel like shit, a slight weight has been lifted off your chest . You got to meet him, and finally got to say what you wanted, face to face. You feel satisfied, at least for now.

"(Y/n)," his voice starts to sound like a distant echo as your head starts to throb.

"Don't... please don't say anything...," you feel the room start to spin and you're slowly losing your balance.

"(Y/n), please listen-"

"...I can't Dream. I can't-," and with that, you feel your heart stop and see the world around you turn black for just a moment before you wake up on the bed Sam had told you to set your spawn at. Your head is in a daze as you look around to check your surroundings. At that moment, it all felt so surreal, but you knew better than to think it was fake.

"...Fuck," you literally can't find anything else to say, feeling speechless and a little emotional.

"Feel better?" Sam asks as he walks over to check you over.

"Yeah, I think so..." a ping can be heard as your communicator goes off and it's from Sapnap.

You told him you'd be visiting the prison a few hours before but you weren't expecting him to come and pick you up, he even brought Quackity and Karl with him too. It's a pleasant surprise after that whole situation at least.

"Best not to keep them waiting, (Y/n)."

You let out a final hiccup before laughing softly, wiping away the remaining tears from your face.

"Yeah, you're right. Thanks, Sam."

(Bonus!)

Before your souless body can hit the floor, Dream is quick to catch it and hold it as it starts to slowly fade. He starts to feel some of the tears he's been holding back fall and he doesn't bother to stop them. Instead, he just hugs your body closer to him. It doesn't feel the same with how cold and light it feels, but it's better than nothing.

As your body slowly starts to dissapear, he can't help but whisper out a string of apologies to it, pretending like you three can hear his voice.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."

But no matter how hard he pleads, no voices answer back, only the soft flowing of lava and his screaming throughts return to be his only company.

Notes: Hello! Thank you so much for reading this if you did! I haven't written fanfic in ages so I may be hella hecking rusty. I'm also really sorry if this is beyond ooc and dramatic! I'll try to get better as time goes on!

(Requests are open and anon is on!)

[fabricated-misslieness]

pairing: chūya nakahara x lazy male reader

req: yes | wc: 1.87k | cw: nsfw, size difference, praise kink, biting, blood, dirty talk, belly bulging | minors dni

anon: Hi! I was hoping I could get a smut for chuuya if you could make it kinda of a part two from the other chuuya fic u have and if u can could u add a size kink and a praise kink if so thank you so much!

a/n: you thought the demon was a himbo, ha!

"You know these don't tend to last long." You send the man pushing you against the wall a wink, making sure he knows you're still top. Chūya chuckles in response.

"I'm prepared for that." Chūya gives you a smirk. You don't know it, but he doesn't mean it. He hopes it is only your sheer amount of power that attracts him to you, but he knows it's not true. He really isn't that keen on having this be a one time thing. He rather it be a long, loving relationship, keep it lasting for as long as he can; if he has to teach you commitment, he will.

You raise an eyebrow for a minute, judging his composure. "Mkay.. good. You need me to lift you, though? You're quite a way down."

Chūya huffs and rolls his eyes. With you, he's heard something along those lines about a million times. He can't control his height and he certainly can't control yours. Jeez, it's as if you were a giant. If you and him stood next to each other, he'd look like a child, not that he was that much taller than a child anyway.

"Oh shut up with that… but yes." As much as he didn't want to admit it, even though it was very clear, he couldn't kiss you from 'all the way down there'.

"Thought so." It's the shit eating grin on your face that makes him regret this. "Hold on to the horns will ya? You'll need the support."

"Doesn't bother ya?" Chūya asks, doing so anyway. They feel rather tough, like how he imagined crocodile scales to feel. Your wings, on the other hand, weren't as he'd imagined them to be. They felt like leather, despite the fact they looked like rubber. He couldn't fathom how hot they'd be in summer.

You shake your head, in turn moving his arms. "Nah. Anyway, what do you think about the fangs?" You momentarily open your mouth wider to show him. "Would you rather I don't bite you or I do?" They're not as sharp as say, a vampire or a werewolf, but they could definitely puncture.

"Maybe test them first?" You know, what he meant was that you bite his finger, or something, not his neck. It definitely stung, but it hadn't punctured. He was sure if you hadn't controlled your strength, he'd bleed. He hissed at the pain. Though it was nothing he couldn't handle, you'd taken him by surprise.

"My bad, precious." That was a new nickname. "What do you think? Did you like it? No judge if you're into it." The mention of a biting link made him think of some past lover with said kink. It sort of made him jealous.

"What if I find your sweet spot? Would that persuade you?" You bite his neck, finding the spot that made him moan. "Knew it. They're usually there." He hated the way you rubbed your past lovers in his face. In time, he'd make you forget. He was sure of that.

"Well?"

"Okay.."

"Would you look at that?" Chūya couldn't focus on anything right now, the pleasure, and pain, was too much. You would pester him for how long he took to adjust for sure. "I'm balls deep in you and I can actually see it." He hadn't registered that first part until now.

He looked down to see his stomach clearly bulging. He laughed at the sight of it. You were really a giant, in more ways than one. It was kind of.. hot though. The size difference was already turning him on, at this point it was a lot.

"Sexy." You remark, licking your lips. If it weren't for your dick, he would want that tongue in him.. again. "Can you even talk right now?"

Chūya chuckles, fixing you with a playful look before pulling you down by the horns. "Of course I can." He whispers in your ear.

"Good." You move the slightest bit, though to him it felt more than that, which urges a moan from his throat. "Although I'd like to see you try when I fuck you with no mercy."

Chūya is flustered to no end, but as the competitive guy he is, he can't just back down, even with your dick inside of him. "Is that what you say to everybody? 'Fuck you with no mercy'? How about 'fuck you 'till you're begging for hell?'"

You smirk, shaking your head to mess with his arms. His hands were surely indented with the pattern of your horns by now. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Are you ready now?" You were going to nag him about the time, just like he'd predicted. "You've been sitting on it for so long you could call it cockwarming. But maybe you're into that, haven't discussed the deets just yet."

"What can I do?" You laugh. "Your dick is big, you said so yourself."

"Then the details. What do you like?"

"P-Praise." He's a little nervous to admit it, what with the fact he acts like a tough cookie. He had to build up some courage for this moment.

You shift a bit as you think about it. All of a sudden, you start moving slowly. It's still quite a bit painful for Chūya, but your praise makes up for it. "You're doing good, baby." Your rough voice along with the way you grip his hips with your claws sends chills down his spine. "Just a bit more."

You chuckle, toying with the idea in your mind. You thrust a bit more, barely even containing yourself with how horny you are, before stopping to ask. "Like that?"

He had bitten his lips to keep his moans from coming out; he'd nearly drawn blood "Yeah, yeah, just like that." If his eyes weren't shut so tightly he'd be so much more flustered by the look you're giving him.

"Think you're ready yet?" The impatience was clear in your voice.

"Mm, yeah."

Your thrusts are slow at first, as a precaution. It was a wonder how you hadn't started going fast, though. You'd been in him for so long without moving that the impatience and anticipation were building up.

"You can go faster now." You smile, but you don't speed up, which confuses him. He was sure you wanted more, so why didn't you give him more?

"How much faster?" It's only now that he realizes it's a cheeky grin. 

Your sultry eyes seem to enchant him, making him unable to think properly; well, that and the thrusting. "I don't know."

"My terms, then." He doesn't like the sound of that. Luckily, you catch onto his uneasy look in time to reassure him, but your words don't do much. "Don't worry, you'll be just fine."

There's no warning after that. Your thrusts are quick and hard, just how you like them though only a little less than normal. After all, you'd gotten from, say, a 1 to a 7. Since when did you start calling your thrusts like a vibrator?

"You're doing good, baby!" He didn't know why, he did but he didn't know now, but he thought you'd sound more sarcastic.

His grip on your horns loosen and his arms feel weak. Just how vulnerable did you make him feel? He couldn't hold back from letting out a loud, high-pitched moan. It caused you to laugh, which he hated since he knew you were about to tease him. "High-pitched, just for me?"

He rolled his eyes at you, maybe a little bit because of pleasure, responding just as quick. "I mean you– oh! Holy shit!" He was interrupted by his own moans.

"What was that you were going to say?"

"Straying from– ah shit! Shit shit shit!" He repeated. That chuckle of yours made him realize you'd been hitting him hard on purpose to tease him. "Straying far from," He stops himself from moaning by biting his lips momentarily. "p-praise here."

You almost pout when he finishes his sentence, but you nod. "Right, sorry, precious~" You basically purr. “You’re taking my cock so well. Are you ready for more?”

“What?” You’d only just changed pace, so why would you- “Ah! Fuck me..” You hadn’t even given him time to answer, and you didn’t mean to either. This pace was the fastest, and roughest, Chūya had ever felt before, and god, did he love it. He could barely even form words, apart from curse words that were oh so familiar. The only thing that left his mouth were moans and he couldn’t even bite his lips.

“Mm, can’t talk anymore?” You weren’t really good at praise, were you? Well, it was new to you, since most of your lovers turned masochists at the sight of you. You didn’t make them, they just did. smug hoe

His arms, tired and a little sore, fall from your horns and grip your wings, which are wrapped around him. It causes you to hiss, but it’s a mere feeling in the back of your head from all the pleasure you’re getting. “Careful with those, darl.” You say with a chuckle. “You can’t break them in your state right now, but they still hurt.”

“S-Sorry.” He manages to say, continuing with moans afterward. They’re high pitched, most of them, as much as he tries to at least make them a little lower. 

“Oh? A word?” Your smirk is as much a nightmare as it is a dream. He wants to punch it off your face but also kiss it off your lips. “Right, right, praise. You take me in so well~” Chūya just barely manages a laugh.

“Ah, fuck!” Chūya shouts. He can feel himself getting closer and closer.

You smirk, moving to his neck, kissing and nipping. Your fangs sting his neck everytime you bite down, but you make sure to control yourself. Though sooner or later you’ll bite him and draw blood, it’s only inevitable.

“Go on, baby. Come loose for me, let me feel your seed on my abs.” You move to his ear, whispering and licking the lobe. 

Your words are what sends him over the edge of bliss. His seed spills all over the both of you, which is a turn on for sure; it moves with his constantly bulging belly. 

You close your eyes when you feel yourself coming closer. Instinctively, you move to his neck, giving him a harsh bite, which makes Chūya groan. You couldn’t control yourself from not biting him, even when his neck is already littered with other marks. Blood drips from the wound, two small holes.

It’s only when you go over the edge that you apologize. You move off of him, pulling him on top of you instead. He snuggles into your body, hissing in pain. “Sorry.” You move your wings to wipe the blood away.

“It’s fine… well, not really, but eh.”

You chuckle, keeping one wing on the wound and the other over the top of you. “I’ll make it up to you later.”

The promise of another time is reassuring, whether it be sexual or not, though he rather it be a date. He likes to know he has a little bit of a chance.

[byulsgrease]

duly noted

you've never been one to obsess about your soulmate, assuming you'll figure it out when the time is right. but seriously, what kind of nonsense has yours been writing about recently?

(eventual moonbyul / wheein x gender neutral reader, soulmate!au, trainee/idol!au, ~1.2k words)

a/n: wheein bias wrecker anon! I might've had too much fun with your req and so this is gonna be my first soulmate au 🤠 while byul and wheein don't actually appear in this part (does that make this a prologue? idk), I promise they'll make their appearance soon enough :)

cw: struggles of being a trainee (weight + food talk)

The claps from your dance instructor ring out in the mirrored studio, calling everyone to attention before they send you off for the day. Everyone stands around listening to whatever niceties they're talking about, asking the rhetorical questions of whether all of you want this, how everyone needs to work harder, etc. How many years has it been now, almost three? Evaluations went pretty well recently and you've certainly demonstrated signs of growth since you started, but debut? Who knows. Does anyone, really?

But right now it's late and you're hungry, hoping that your growling stomach isn't loud enough to pierce through the lecture. You're respectfully tuned out anyway, since it's all old news. Nothing you haven't heard before. They clap again once their spiel ends and everyone disperses. Your eyes catch Hyejin's on your way out of the studio, sharing a funny face and an eyeroll before disappearing into the herd of trainees shuffling to the lockers.

Your locker opens with a routine spin of the dial, taking care to slow down and line up the numbers properly so you're not stuck having to do it over again. The inside's pretty cute for a metallic rectangle— it's really the only space of your own besides your notebook. Pictures of your family, old school friends, and fellow trainee friends line the sides beneath a tiny string of battery-powered fairy lights. It's not much, but always a humbling reminder of why you're here.

Unzipping your bag, you take out a pair of slides and drop them on the floor while stepping out of your sneakers. There's not much else in your bag, just a change of clothes and your notebook, of course. Everyone has one. Anything inside could be drawn, written, scribbled, painted. It’s your personal creative space and no one else's, but with two conditions:

You can't write your name in it, not even your initials. Of course everyone tried to as kids against their parents commands, but letters simply sink into the page, disappearing as if they'd never been written at all.

You can only mark up one side. Pages on the right side are for you, and the left side pages fill themselves. Fill themselves with what? you asked your parents. They gave you a non-answer, saying you'd figure it out someday. Great. Only other thing they bothered to tell you was that your right-hand pages were someone's left-hand ones. So someone can see what I put here? Their confirmation sounded rather casual, which you found weird. Someone out there was watching what you put in? But you got used to it, especially since every person owns one. It's a novelty for children anyway. Mark up a page however you want, knowing that someone out in the would will see, and sit back to watch whatever randomness shows up on the left side.

Your left side pages were actually empty for quite a while, save for the occasional "UGGHHH" followed by a typical childish annoyance scrawled messily across the entirety of the page in marker. Not that notebook use was mandatory, but parents usually encouraged it because it kept their kids occupied. There wasn't much you could do about empty pages, nor did you care most of the time, but it did leave you a little jealous of other kids at school who'd sometimes open theirs and be greeted with cute watercolor paintings, mini murals, or skillfully written poetry.

For you, the notebook's served many uses. As a kid it was random doodles and poorly-drawn fantasy scenarios— escapism, perhaps. In middle school it was angsty poems and random journal entries about the random happenings of your life. For the first half of high school it became your to-do list, keeping track of school assignments. And on the rarest occasion, song lyrics. Visual art was never your medium of choice, music came more easily. But drawing staff lines for music notation in the notebook usually ended up being too tedious, so your original stuff was mostly relegated to voice memos on your phone. And now? Who knows. Trainee life may as well be a blur. Sing, dance, talk, eat if you can afford to, sleep, repeat. It's hard to find the energy to write anything most days. Whenever you feel like checking, the left side has random jottings, nearly illegible most of the time.

It wasn't until you got older that you realized that whoever read your entries on the was the same person generating content on the left. And supposedly the person you're supposed to be with for the rest of time? What kind of system is that? I'm just supposed to trust blindly? having asked your parents in exasperation after figuring it out. Again with more non-answers— it had worked for them, didn't it? There's also the obvious question of why people don't just write directly to each other, but whatever. You're still young, no need to obsess over "the one" unlike some of your classmates. If it's meant to be, it'll happen, you figure. And it obviously is, you've got a notebook with (semi-)filled left side pages. What more could you ask for?

The cacophony of clanging lockers opening and closing starts to die down as people leave. Hyejin's head pops out from behind the locker door, laughing in your face when you flinch.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah, one sec. Man, I'm starving,” you remark while slipping the bag straps on your back and closing the locker door. You don't even want to know how strapped for cash you are, probably in for another night of boiled eggs and canned kimchi.

“Wanna go out for food?” she immediately asks, eyes alight at the prospect of getting to eat something besides convenience store food.

"I wish. Actually, you wish," you smirk with longing in your eyes. The "no" doesn't even have to be said, weigh-ins are way too soon to risk it. She hangs her head, jokingly dejected as you swing an arm around her shoulder to walk out of the company building together.

~~~~

After scrounging up whatever food you call dinner, taking a shower, and flopping into bed, you open up your notebook and grab the random pen laying on your dresser, unsure of what you'll write about tonight. There's chicken scratch on the left page already, ballpoint pen. It's actually legible today, though: In my room every day I see your smile.

What the hell does that mean? Whose smile, yours? You haven't even met yet.

Call me everyday every night, hug me everywhere every time

Utter nonsense. Maybe meeting soulmates is just a huge game of catch-up once everything's finally revealed, surely yours will be. There’s just so many questions. Moving to the right side, you jot down a list of cheat meal ideas along with some assorted notes and pointers from practice that you want to work on tomorrow, drawing little characters next to each list item for fun. After accidentally drawing a random squiggle from jolting yourself awake and feeling the heaviness in your eyelids, you cap your pen and shut your notebook, placing it back in your bag. With the lights out, the last thought you have before sleep consumes you is why haven't you ever tried writing directly to each other after all this time?

[next]

[all-about-seggs]

Ardent Affections :

Pairing : Timeskip + Virgin! Sakusa Kiyoomi x Female reader

Rating : 18+, Explicit

Word count : 3k

Warnings : Smut and fluff (and holy shit I ended up including a bit of angst) , Loss of virginity, blow job, fingering, vaginal sex, established relationships.

A/n: I prefer dirtier side of Smuts but this was as far as I could go with Saku sooooo I hope my fluffy smut isn't cringey >.<.

Putting the plum filled onigiri in the clean plastic container, you give it another look over to make sure it's tidy enough, afterall, the person you made this for was nothing if not picky. But, you also knew he loved umeboshi, so after a few successful weeks of your relationship with Sakusa, you went ahead and bought more than enough dried plums to practice making something he won't be able to refuse. It didn't take long to reach the gym he was practicing at, with lunch time approaching, he'd be on his break too, giving you the perfect chance to have some alone time.

One would think, that no boyfriend would refuse their significant other's cooking but falling in love with him as well as dating him made you realise it wasn't the status quo. He was, at the very least, peculiar. Always on his own, Sakusa never felt the need to be involved with a lot of people, ironical as it may be for someone who played a team sport, his idiosyncrasies made it hard for most people to get close to him. That's why the sight of a cluster of high shool girls flocking your boyfriend, to give him their handmade goods was comical yet unsettling.

It wasn't something you got jealous at, but it's something that made you second guess yourself instead, whenever the thought of making him something pooped in your head, this same scene played infront of your eyes. Sakusa surrounded by a bunch of girls with heart eyes, wanting to give him stuff. On the verge of losing his polite demeanor, Sakusa almost gave them a taste of his blunt indifference if it weren't for some faculty member intervening. Today was the same.

With the perfect excuse, he pulled himself away from the group and sauntered towards you, eye twitching with a look that screamed ' I saw you having fun on my expense'. You quickly pulled yourself out of the gloomy thoughts and greeted him with your regular smile.

" I didn't wanted to disturb your fan meet", the cheeky tone in your voice added to his annoyance.

" I assure you that you didn't, besides you know I don't like hand made stuff ", he grumbled, voice carrying the regular icky note you were used to but it caused the dull ache in your heart grew. Before you could answer, you saw Bokuto running towards your direction, making you jump with his boisterous greeting,

" HEY! Y/n chan!... Are you gonna join us for lunch as well ?", The look in his face was as cute as his voice which was cutoff by Sakusa's cold one,

" No. I don't like the places you go to eat. Also, I'm done for today so we have no reason to stay.", Curt and to the point, Sakusa answered him and gestured you with his eyes to follow him instead.

" Geez, it's like he can never let loose!, Y/n chan! You should ask him to open up more!", pouting, the energetic male glared at Sakusa's retreating form.

"Ummm, Sorry Bokuto! He still doesn't know how to..... People? I guess? But he's trying! I know he is! So don't worry... We'll catch up with you guys sometime else okay?", With a slight bow, you trailed after your boyfriend, leaving a deflated Bokuto behind.

As you walked behind him, you thought about the first time the both of you met, he didn't even looked at you properly before leaving just like he was right now, about how you had to put your feelings out in the open first so that he'd finally notice them, how, for the last few days your garbage can only had dozens of messed up onigiri, and how the lunch you packed was getting colder by the minute as it layed still in your bag.

You were lost in thought for the rest of the way, he wasn't one to talk much but your constant silence was not something that often happened. Still not being used to initiating small talks, all he could do was gaze at the dazed look on your face.

The two of you made your way back to his apartment that the sports facility provided the players. You had been here a couple of times before but never long enough to actually call it 'staying over'.

" Why are we at your place?", You quietly ask, making him pause before speaking.

" I did say I was done with practice for the day", opening the front door he ushered you in. It was unsurprisingly neat, the entrance not having any useless items, infact everything in his place had a purpose or use.

It was a big step, him letting anyone in his personal space, considering his high maintenance personality you thought he'd dip you in a bucket of sanitizer everyday but he was a lot more chill when you both take your respective baths. He still goes in first.

The moment you stepped outside the bathroom, you saw a nervous looking Sakusa was sitting on the edge of his bed.

" Did you really wanted to have lunch with those guys?", His abrupt question caught you off guard, so apparently he took your silencein the wrong way, but it still warmed your heart to know he noticed and cared enough to talk about it, albeit clumsily.

" Is that why you think I was quite on our way here?", The reply you gave made him avert his eyes, whether it was out of embarrassment or the awkwardness in the room, it didn't change the fact that your sudden change in behaviour was noted by your boyfriend.

" If you have something to say, then I want you to tell me, I'm afraid I won't know otherwise", Sakusa added, finally looking at you with his deadpan yet sharp look.

He was right, every couple needs to have proper communication in order for their relationship to succeed, so with that in mind you decided to tell him about what's bothering you.

Walking over to his side, you sat next to him,

" I made you lunch today, but when I saw you rejecting your fans gifts saying you don't like handmade stuff, it- bothered me.", Your reasoning might've been a little selfish, it's not like you wanted to force anything on him just because you were his girlfriend but the fear of getting rejected always made you hold back on so many things.

" So I didn't give it to you, and then I just started having a trail of depressing thoughts about how maybe I'm the only one who wants anything from this relationship, I mean we haven't even done anything more than kissing Kiyoomi.", To you, this confession was nothing more than the frustrations you've built up. He was silently listening as you went on, not interrupting until you were done.

" I see....", His soft baritone was laced I'm regret as he brought his hands to you head, gently combing the strands, " I'm sorry, I made you feel that way, it's obvious that both of us need to work on our communication skills but there is one thing you got wrong", saying that, his hand combing you hair pushed you forward until you were right in front of his glossy lips,

" It should go without saying that I wouldn't let you in here if I didn't loved you, and you wouldn't be in this bed either if I didn't wanted you.", By the end of his sentence, his hot mouth covered your in a demonically passionate kiss which was all teeth and tongue. It was probably your longest kiss as well, making you grip his shoulders so hard it would've probably left marks if it weren't for his taut musculature. You pressed you hands on his sculpted chest, feeling his nipples harden as you slowly run you thumbs over them. Sakusa pulled away from you to catch a few breaths, his lips shining with your mixed saliva.

" I've never done this before......", hesitation crossed his eyes which soon melted into a look of determination as he brought his face near yours.

"But if it's with you, I know I'll like it", he panted, pulling you on his lap to continue his ministrations from a more closer proximity. The uncharacteristically deep kiss encouraged your hands to roam around more, to feel all of his ripped form through the fabric of his thin shirt. Your hand grazed his crotch, this contact alone was enough to make him twitch, his virginity showing, the blush on his cheeks spreaded all the way to his neck.

The front of his shorts looked so strained,It was painfully clear how much his cock was begging for attention, so you pushed Sakusa back until he was lying flat on the bed, feet still on the floor. Searching his eyes for any objections, you pulled his waistband down to reveal his bulging member. It suited a big guy like him, his thick cock felt so hot and heavy in you hand it took everything in you to stop yourself from jumping on it right away.

" Hggg... Wait... It's-", his voiced carried more embarrassment than discomfort but you stopped nonetheless.

" Dirty?.....is that what you want to say?", questioningly, you looked at him from between his legs as he nodded.

" Well sex is better dirty but, I'll try not to make a mess okay?", With a wink you grabbed his shaft with one hand and took his tip in your mouth. The warm, wet insides of your mouth touching the sensitive head of his cock made him shudder in pleasure but he didn't make more than a hum. Maybe your boyfriend was still embarrassed but now that you finally get to go down on him, you made it a personal goal to hear his moans.

Detemined to hear his beautiful whimpers, you added pressure on his member through your tongue as you moved your lips up and down, swallowing him as much as you could. Droll dripping from the side of your mouth and his precum gave you enough lubrication to increase you pace, going harder and harder until you felt your teeth make contact with his sensitive shaft, that must've hurt, you thought but atleast it got a reaction out of him.

" AH-.....mmmhh Y/n damnit.....you're doing it too roughly", you heard him complain from above you,

" I just rough housed you a little..... Anyway, you can't blame a girl who's been abstaining herself from fucking her hot boyfriend ", with a pop you pulled him out of your mouth and looked up at the wide eyed Sakusa with an uncharacteristic boldness that even surprised you. Maybe it was because of the situation or because you two had a heart to heart conversation about your feelings just now but you felt oddly comfortable with him more than you ever did before. You knew he loved you enough to put up with anything you'd throw at him at his point, so why not push your luck?

"......well aren't you a vulgar little girl", regaining his composure, Sakusa propped himself on his elbows to give you his trademark deadpan look. You squeeze his balls teasingly in an attempt to rile him up further, his face contorts a little before he shoots you a glare.

" I'm going to make you regret that", with nothing more than a growl he grabbed your hand to make lie face down beside him, for a second you thought he'd spank you, but the moment you raised you head from the mattress to see what's going on, a big hand was on your head pushing your face down again, his other hand ghosting over the hem of your t-shirt.

" It's my turn now, so you better behave", emphasizing the behave he first pulled your shirt off of your shoulders, then swiftly getting rid of your pants. This was an interesting turn of event, just a moment ago your virgin boyfriend was squirming like a pathetic little boy but with just a little teasing made him switch into daddy mode, you'd be lying if you said it wasn't thrilling.

You laid there stark naked as you heard a few rustling sounds coming from behind, indicating Sakusa taking his cloths off. His long, deft fingers grabbed your hips, raising them a slightly off the surface of the mattress, the digits of his right hand crept near your dripping core as if wondering if he should touch you or not, you moved your hips closer so you could feel his touch but he retreated his hand, only to pinch one of your butt cheek. The tease.

" If you're expecting me to eat you out too then keep dreaming..... but since I made you wait so long, I'll give you something else today", his matter of fact tone was even as he traced two long fingers up your slit taking in all of your juices, he pushed them inside your aching pussy. His thick digits rubbing your walls made you moan in the pillow, with his thumb he started rubbing your engorged clit. His actions were not exactly gentle but you didn't wanted them to be either, you wanted him to pound you into the mattress so bad but maybe it was asking too much from someone inexperienced.

" You like this right?", It wasn't exactly a question, as his increased his speed, with his free hand he pinched your ass again leaving small red marks in the fleshy patch of skin. Your first orgasm in so many weeks approached you with an intense force, making you buck you hips in Sakusa's hand. Just as your pussy started clenching around the fingers that was inside it, he withdrew his hand leaving you with a strange sense of emptiness.

" Not so fast y/n, it's more efficient it we cum together, besides I know you want more than just my fingers", his voice carrying the cockiness of someone far more experienced but you can't complain, for both his actions and words were easily bringing you closer to the edge. Ignoring the stickiness of his fingers he lightly massaged your butt cheeks before kneeling right behind them. The sight of your flushed, naked body was enough to get him going, something that he dare not admit.

From the corner of your eye, you saw him opening his bedside drawer to retrieve a condom. Well, atleast one of you were prepared for this, just as he finished putting on the thin protection, he asked you,

" I'm putting it in y/n", he didn't make it sound like a question but it wasn't until you nodded in approval, that he moved. Groaning lightly, Sakusa entered you inch by inch, making the process as slow as possible so could clearly feel the delicious stretch his thick cock provided. You were already panting by the time he bottomed out in you, as he started moving his hips you rolled yours to match his pace, creating a steady rhythm.

Both your pants and body were in sync, building up pleasure that soon reached its peak, the roll of your hips and the sound of his name from your mouth urged him to take a hold of your hips and drive his pulsating member further into your cunt. He felt your walls clenching around him when your body experienced the well awaited orgasm, quivering beneath him like. The sudden pressure added on to his cock made your boyfriend follow right after. The both of you were still riding your high when he lowered his torso on to your back, sweat slicked bodies on top of each other, you wondered what kind of face he would be making right about now. Hoping it wasn't one of disgust, you turned your face to the side, his endearing curls tickling your ears as he kept his nose buried in the nape of your neck.

There was a serene quality to the room where the two of you laid still until Sakusa got up abruptly, you knew that it was bath time even before he uttered anything.

" Let's eat", his soft voice seemed almost like a whisper which was confusing and astonishing at the same time when he tossed one towel to you and quickly wiped himself with the other.

Making quick work of the cleaning, you both went to the living room where you pulled out the bento box from your bag. It felt cold against your hand but this time it didn't make you sad because now you were sure that the person next to you wouldn't reject it.

Opening the box, you noticed they got a little crushed, probably because of you tossing your bag aside dejectedly when you first arrived, the previously well made onigiri lost their original shape but you hoped they tasted the same.

Gingerly showing him the box you thought about quickly explaining it's condition and telling him about how you made it in the most hygienic way possible for a human but the words died in your mouth when Sakusa briskly took one piece out and munched on the distorted rice ball. You watched him chew, waiting became too nerve-racking so you blurted, " How is it Kiyoomi?!", Talk about putting pressure on a guy but it didn't deter him from telling you the truth.

" It's good", the simple reply he gave was the best, you thought, his words were never grandiose, just to the point that's what made you believe them everytime he decides to be honest with you.

"Next time...", He mumbled in between his increasing breaths and tinted cheeks,"Lets make it together".

[kozu-chan]

synopsis: keeping up with a society that expects you to be perfect is exhausting in every way possible. you're lucky enough to have found someone who relates to navigate this brutal world with.

content warnings: fem! reader, cursing, insults, bullying if you squint, mentions of insecurity, a bit of fighting, mentions of mental health, and sakusa might be ooc but that's just to make the arguments a little more dramatic.

sour masterlist

growing up, you were a perfectionist. although this wasn't necessarily your fault, was it? at the young age of four, your parents discovered that you were, and maybe still are, gifted with talent for music. this led to years of guitar, piano, violin, flute, singing, and even harp lessons. throughout the years, you went through many concerts and hours upon hours of practicing your various instruments. this led you to attend the infamous itachiyama academy in high school and that was only the beginning of your troubles.

as a perfectionist, you dedicate yourself not only to your music, but to your studies as well. sadly, even you can't manage to balance school, music, sleep, and a social life and one of those things have to give due to your busy schedule, so you sacrifice your social life. sometimes you think that this was the wrong move because that just makes high school practically a living hell for you. that is, until about a week ago.

last week, you had a regular morning. you walk through the halls of your school and people do their best to avoid you, to not get in your way. however, that doesn't stop them from gossiping about you. "wow look at l/n. little miss perfect." "i dare you to talk to her!" "she's such an ice cold perfectionist." "i could never be friends with her. she's too serious." "does this bitch even have a life?" you ignore the comments as you make your way to your first class. sometimes you just want to yell at them to stop talking about you. to tell them how much it hurts you and how being such a perfectionist is exhausting. to let them know that their comments only add to how lowly you think of yourself. that you wish that you had even one friend because you feel so alone.

after school, you spend hours in the music room practicing a song you were thinking of performing, something self-written as a way of releasing your emotions. and once you think your practice is sufficient, you curl up against the wall and cry.

once your crying session is done, you get up and walk back to your dorm. on the way back, you see someone in the gym do an insane serve that slams down that just barely makes it in. you hear a groan of frustration followed by the oh so familiar sound of breath getting shaky due to crying. your gaze follows the sound to see the figure on the floor crying and your breath gets caught in your throat when you realize it's not just any player, but one of the top three aces in japan, sakusa kiyoomi.

"sakusa-san?" sakusa looks at you with what looks like a bit of fear but anger replaces his expression before you could confirm your suspicions. "what the fuck are you doing here? this is a private practice." his tone is cold, firm, and piercing. you could feel a chill run down your spine, but you ignore the feeling because other people, especially your parents, have been on the receiving end on your own tone that sounds just as menacing. the only indicator of crying being the red, slightly watery eyes that you can't help but sympathize with. "what are you staring at?" you snap out of your thoughts to respond to him. "i saw you on my way back to my room. i just happened to see you crying and i-"

sakusa sighs again in frustration. "and you what? just shut up and leave me alone!" "i just know what it's like, okay? you really think that you're the only one who's tired of not feeling good enough? the only one who's cried because you just want to get better but you don't see any improvement no matter how much you practice?" your voice is loud and yet on the verge of tears. you glace at sakusa, who now looks angrier but you don't care. "so sue me if i come off as a ice cold bitch who doesn't talk to anyone because i do anything and everything i can to be perfect even if i always fall short and sue me for sympathizing with you."

the room grows quiet, save for the sounds of your shaky breathing as you try your best to calm down before you actually start breaking down in front of him. it takes another few seconds before sakusa stands up and walks up to you. "l/n, right? yeah well you don't know me and you should just get out of my sight. you shouldn't be trying to get someone to stop crying if you're just going to cry yourself. just relax more." relax more? "that's rich coming from you." you're no longer crying and sakusa stops in his tracks.

"you're telling me to relax more when you don't seem to have any chill... ever. and let's not forget that your crying was what brought into the gym in the first place." you take a deep breath to calm yourself. "so... the gym is like your safe space, right?" sakusa doesn't answer, clearly exasperated and silently begging you to leave. "c'mon, sakusa-san! you can tell me!" you smile a little when he opens his mouth to talk, only to be disappointed by his response. "god, you're such an annoying bitch. go find someone else to bother!" you're disappointed but you're also persistent. after all, you are the one that figures out and teaches all the schoolwork you struggle with to yourself. "if it makes you feel better..." you sigh quietly and contemplate whether or not it was a good idea to expose yourself this much to someone you just started talking to. "if it makes you feel better, my room and the music rooms are my safe spaces." "it really doesn't. if anything, it just makes me feel even more pathetic!" a small smirk graces your features as you realize that you got him. "so this is your safe space? i didn't hear a denial!" sakusa rolls his eyes. "would you shut up already" "not until you admit it." he glares at you and you just look him dead in the eye, causing him to break (probably so you would shut up as he thinks you'll do if he admits it). "fine... the gym is my safe space... that you're encroaching on." you back away slightly because he was right. and you know that you would also be pissed as fuck if someone encroached on your safe space, especially while you were crying. "i'm sorry, i just wanted to help. but, maybe we could be each other's safe spaces?"

you mentally sigh in relief as sakusa looks just the slightest bit more comfortable upon hearing that. "i mean, you know what it's like so... i guess i wouldn't be opposed to that." the two of you give each other a small smile as you sit down a good length away from him. "god, it's brutal out here, huh?" sakusa lets out a small laugh and agrees.

"sakusa, are you really gonna go pro like they say you are?" sakusa looks at you for a second and nods. you even notice his eyes lighting up a little. "yeah, that's what i want. it's what i've wanted for as long as i could remember. i wouldn't work so hard for it and get so dirty if it wasn't my dream... what about you? are you going to become a musician?" now it's your turn to pause. you freeze up. it's been so long since someone's asked you what you wanted. "i... honestly? i don't know what i want anymore. it's been so long since i've been asked what i wanted. it's been so long since someone's seen me outside of the "little miss perfect" that everyone else sees... i don't know." you take a moment to recollect your thoughts. "i just hate the thought of disappointing people that i think i've lost myself in the process. i've been pursuing music for so long that it's familiar, it's instinct, and i can't see myself doing anything else because i haven't done anything else..." your voice gets quieter as you speak. this is the first time you've ever gotten a chance to voice out your thoughts to someone and your own revelations shock you.

"yeah, i think i'm getting there too. losing myself to satisfy everyone while trying to stay true to myself. after all, who am i if not exploited?" it takes a minute to digest the words that were so simple and yet so powerful, the six words that could be used to summarize your entire life. "it sucks, doesn't it? like all i did was try my best, and this is the kind of thanks i get? annoyance and isolation? awards and acknowledges of achievement but at what cost? my social life? my mental health? ... my identity?" sakusa looks like he's going to say something but you shoot him a look and his mouth closes to let you continue. "it's literally so fucking stupid! there's literally no actual reward for me anymore, nothing satisfying. it's all worthless - meaningless, even. sometimes i wish i could disappear..."

a small breath is sucked up and you turn to sakusa. "sorry that was heavy. i've just never had someone to talk to about this. at least not properly."

"i get it. i haven't really had a lot of people to talk to either. at least not that honestly. i'm glad we have each other now, because you were right. it is brutal out here and it's good that we can stick together now."

after that, no one really bothered you anymore and it was all thanks to your new friend and confidant.

a/n: sheesh this is one of the longest things i've written. i really hope you like it and i'm really sorry that i suck at endings!!

[mimisempai]

Home is where our story begins

Summary:

Mobius and Loki will finally move in together, will the cohabitation be as natural as the rest of their story?

Notes:

Still not having the real name of Hunter B-15 and the story taking place post canon, I found it odd to keep calling it that. But I didn't want to invent a name for hher, so I chose HB, if Marvel were to give him a name later, I would change it here of course.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32628412

2871 words - Rating G

"So, soon the big day? I hope you're happy about it, even if it's new for you."

Mobius sipped his Josta, wondering what the best answer was. Yes seemed too restrictive, but it wasn't as if he wanted to go into details about his new living arrangements with Loki. Yes, he was happy to move in with Loki, of course, but...

"Mobius?"

"I'm... cautiously optimistic. You know me."

HB nodded. "For you, it's practically effusive." Chuckling, she took another pretzel. "I'm happy for you and Loki." Her smile faded briefly, "If our variant condition has taught me anything, it's to take happiness where it lies. I'm glad you decided to give your relationship with Loki a chance."

"There was nothing to decide because everything happens naturally between us," Mobius mumbled.

HB frowned. "Hm?"

Mobius cleared his throat. "It's nothing. I've talked too much."

"Talked too much?" HB laughed. "When it comes to explaining the logic of a mission strategy that sounds crazy, yes you could be accused of talking too much, but when it comes to your personal life... but I understand what you mean and to me who has been watching you a bit since the beginning of this relationship, it is clear that things are natural between you. Although I am curious about one thing."

"Which one?" Mobius prepared himself.

"How will you manage living together, as you both have your single habits, not to mention your lifestyles which were rather... different".

This question kept going round and round in Mobius' head. He was ready to compromise, but he wasn't going to change who he was either. With the personalities they both had, it might seem insurmountable from the outside, but Mobius had a deep conviction that it could work.

"I guess we'll see as we go along," he replied confidently.

"You know where to find me if you need to talk."

The friendship he had formed with HB, was one of the surprises that had come with Loki's arrival in his life.

Before they were just colleagues who worked well together and had the same dedication to the TVA and now having shared the same experience of losing everything, a real friendship was born.

"Thank you. But let's stop talking about me, how's it going with the new recruits and training?"

The TVA, purged of old influences, had returned to its primary function: to monitor realities across the multiverse and attempt to reduce temporal interference as much as possible. Mobius was the leader. Loki, Hunter B-15, now HB and other agents formed the core team.

They had completely restructured the organization, recruitment and training.

"Well, there are several young recruits who are promising, and I must say Mobius, that Loki is not only a very good teacher but also very well liked."Loki had volunteered on his own to handle the training of the newbies on the field.

Mobius, however, was not surprised at his success. As he had told LOki in the early days, he could be anyone he wanted.

Once HB left, the afternoon passed without surprise for Mobius, who was eager to get home. He found it hard to concentrate, looking forward to the changes that were coming.

**********

Loki was waiting in Mobius' living room when Mobius returned home.

"Mobius!" he exclaimed happily as he stood up and walked over to Mobius to kiss him. Mobius thought he wouldn't mind this kind of action if it became part of their routine in the future.

As is often the case when they haven't seen each other in a while, things heated up quickly between them and they were both panting when they parted.

"How was your day? HB told me she told you about my work? Is everything okay?"

That, too, was something nice -even if he found it annoying at first, this talkie-talkie thing, this incessant stream of words from Loki. He had realized that Loki's questions were always sincere, his lover expected answers and never asked them out of politeness.

"A lot of paperwork as you can imagine, I miss working in the field, fortunately once this is over I will be able to accompany you again and see the excellent work you provide with my eyes, if I believe what HB told me", Mobius said quietly while pushing aside a strand of Loki's hair that was falling on his forehead. "What about you? How was your lunch with Casey?"

Another unexpected relationship, for who knew Loki. He had formed a bond with Casey, an ordinary administrative employee. Loki had told Mobius that it was nice to have a friend whose reactions he didn't have to weigh, because Casey was spontaneous and naturally trusting.

"Fun. He's excited for us, well for me because I'm going to live with the great Mobius." Loki chuckled before continuing, "I expected the opposite, but you're his idol, I'm just the god of mischief who taught him what a fish was."

Mobius raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yes, I swear." Loki smiled. "He even offered to help us move our stuff in once the apartment was ready."

Mobius shook his head. "He's really supportive."

"Absolutely," Loki smiled, "He always surprises me with his candor."

Loki pulled Mobius to the couch and sat him down. Then he lay down in his favorite position, with his head on Mobius' lap. Mobius, as always, couldn't resist the impulse to put his hand on Loki's silky black hair and began to stroke it gently. In response, Loki made a sound that closely resembled a purr.

**********

Turning his head to Mobius, Loki asked, "Are you really happy that we live together?"

"Of course Loki," Mobius murmured as he ran his hands through Loki's hair, enjoying sliding the strands between his fingers. "I am, but you know it won't necessarily be easy right?"

"Hmm." Loki nodded and smiled sheepishly. "I know I'm not easy to deal with."

"Hey Sweetheart! That's not it at all." Mobius protested. "I just think we're from two different worlds and it's going to take a little adjustment and patience."

Loki nodded.

"Besides, we're going to be together a lot. Between work and home," Mobius said.

"Yeah." Loki looked up and smiled at Mobius. "This is going to be great!"

"We'll see," Mobius said, finally realizing that it wasn't he who was afraid of being disappointed, but that he was afraid of disappointing Loki.

After a few moments of silence, he decided to put his fears aside and enjoy the moment.

"Now, have you thought about what you want for dinner?"

"No." Loki pressed himself against Mobius, "But I know what I want for dessert."

"What a coincidence," Mobius muttered as he slipped his hand under Loki's shirt, "I think we both have the same idea.

These kinds of little moments between them, these little habits, made Mobius think that maybe he didn't need to be anxious about their future shared life.

**********

A few days later, Mobius was up to his neck in paperwork and couldn't take it anymore. He threw his pen away and leaned back on his chair.

"Mobius?"

"I'm here."

When Loki entered and saw the state Mobius was in, he locked the door behind him. He walked up behind Mobius, put his arms around his neck and kissed the top of his head. Mobius leaned back even more and closed his eyes.

"It's going to be hard to keep working if you make a habit of doing this," he whispered.

Loki's hands slid over Mobius' shoulders and he began a firm massage. "How about this?"

Mobius sighed, "It's not good for concentration either... " as Loki's skilled fingers had encountered a particularly knotted muscle.

"Oh, is that so?" Loki rhythmically pressed his thumbs into the back of Mobius' neck and it felt so good that Mobius moaned, "It doesn't seem to bother you that much."

"You and your distracting hands mustn't be around too often," Mobius said, "or I'll never be able to work properly, a massage like this, on the other hand, is... effective. I didn't know you knew how to give massages." Mobius was always happy to learn new things about Loki.

At Loki's silence, Mobius turned his head and was surprised by the sad expression on his face.

"Loki?"

"Um... this is something my mom used to do for me and my brother..."

"Oh Loki... I'm sorry." Mobius reached for the hand that had remained on his shoulder and squeezed it.

"I miss her..."

"I know, sweetheart, believe me, I know." replied Mobius gently.

After a moment of silence, Loki kissed Mobius' head again, "Sorry, I didn't mean to distract you. It's just so nice and strange to have you just a few steps away from me all the time."

"Why strange?" Mobius turned in his chair to look at him.

Loki shrugged, "I usually store all the things I want to tell you later in my memory, but now that we're in our new home, and we both work together a lot, I feel like I have access to you all the time and it's..."

"Different."

"Yeah. And tempting. And distracting." Loki licked his lips. "I want to see you all the time, not just talk to you, if you know what I mean..."

"Yes, I know exactly what you mean" Mobius cleared his throat, fighting the mental images that Loki's words evoked. "However, I think we're going to have to set some rules, no matter how nice it is, we're both still at work."

Loki nodded, "Yes, we really should, if only for my sanity." He bit his lower lip, and when Mobius saw him do it, he thought that it wasn't just for Loki's sanity that some rules had to be set.

"Maybe later, if you want Mobius? Or tomorrow?"

"Why tomorrow?" Mobius raised an eyebrow. "Why not now?"

Loki smiled "Because I'm excited now, and you're tired of paperwork and I think you need a good distraction."

Mobius rolled his eyes "You're insatiable."

Loki pretended to walk away, saying, "I can leave, I wouldn't want to distract you from your duty..."

Mobius grabbed him and pulled him against him. "You think you can light a flame and not blow it out?!"

"And what about rules and work?" asked Loki, raising an eyebrow.

"That can wait until tomorrow." replied Mobius, pulling Loki's head to his and silencing him in the most effective way he knew how.

**********

For some time, Mobius had been catching scrutinizing glances from the recruits, some even giggling after running into him.

"I feel like they're staring at me," Mobius said one night as he sat on the couch with Loki in their usual position.

"You can't blame them for being curious. After all, the God of mischief and the famous Agent Mobius, we're legends. And also... um... I may have been showing off a bit for a moment or two about your... prowess. Nothing graphic, just little details," he hastened to add when Mobius' mouth opened.

"Little details," Mobius repeated.

"Oh, but nothing, just that I'm satisfied, that's all."

Hiding his face in his hands, Mobius groaned, "Loki, tell me you didn't discuss our sex life in front of your students!".

"Uh... you want me to lie?"

"Loki!"

"Mobius, people think I'm not mature enough for you. That you're too serious and I'm not enough, that you have more integrity and I don't. Personally, I don't care what other people think. But I want people to know that you are as good to me as I am to you."

"And that requires you to tell them the intimate details of our sex lives..." Mobius mumbled.

"No, no, you don't understand," Loki said, clearly struggling to express himself. "I tell them little things that humanize us. That you like my cooking, that you like jet skiing, that I think you're sexy in the morning when you wake up, nothing too intimate..."

"Only in the morning when you wake up?!"

Count on Mobius to have kept only this part of Loki's answer.

"Even sexier than usual."

"Aaaah, that's the reason for these morning quickies," Mobius replied.

"You don't like it?"

"That's not the point, Loki."

"I know what the point is. The point is, I just want people to know the real you. Let them see you the way I see you."

"And for that, you have to tell them we screw every morning?"

"It was just one time, and it was Casey's fault. He said he didn't picture you as a sex beast."

"It gets better and better."

"Mobiuuuuus. I didn't say anything more than what I just told you, I promised! Now they know why we're perfect together."

"Because I give you satisfying orgasms when I'm barely awake."

"Because you're brilliant, and caring, and yes, incredibly sexy."

Lifting Mobius' hand to his lips, Loki kissed his fingertips and whispered, "And because I love you."

Just like that, Mobius' irritation disappeared. He took Loki's face in his hands and ran his thumb over his lower lip. "And I feel the same way. But Loki, I also wish you wouldn't talk too much about our intimacy, even with your closest friends."

Loki replied with his most mischievous smile, "You think I want to tell them how perfectly your lips fit my mmph."

Mobius had just closed Loki's mouth with a kiss and after that, Loki wasn't articulate enough to list Mobius' bedroom qualities and Mobius unapologetically left his book aside.

After all, it was important that he lived up to his reputation.

**********

"You're looking fine, Mobius. I guess everything is okay with you and Loki? I feel like the cohabitation is going great," HB said as she walked into his office.

Nodding his head, Mobius couldn't help but smirk, "Everything is going very smoothly, yes."

"Clearly." HB smiled. "You look... satisfied."

Mobius' eyes narrowed.

"However, given the bags under your eyes, may I recommend that you rest tonight?"

Mobius widened his smile. "I'm sure I'll rest... someday, even if it's not tonight. As I told you before, Loki can be... enthusiastic, and we're enjoying a bit of a second honeymoon right now."

Chuckling, HB shook his head. "And like I said, enjoy the moment. Even the enthusiasm of youth is wearing off."

"Indeed, it is." He paused before continuing, "Do you need anything?"

"Do I need a reason to visit a friend?" asks HB.

"No, of course not. I even enjoy our little early week dates. You know I like talking with you. After all, you and I have pretty much the same background. We've done well."

HB nodded, "Yes. You're right, but I admit I also stopped by because I need you to validate the latest new recruit evaluations."

Mobius chuckled, "I'll look at those afterwards, and send them to you when I'm done."

"Take your time, you can return them to me next week.

They chatted about various things, then HB got up to leave.

"I'm going to start reading these evaluations, unless my insatiable partner decides to show up...I'd hate to disappoint him you know...."

HB shook his head. "Lovely. And since I'll see you Monday to pick them up, You can give me all the details then. Don't let him tire you out too much!"

"That' s not up to me..." Mobius said, and smiling he pulled the first evaluation toward him. He raised his head and looked at the door, aware of a presence in the room.

Loki, standing in the doorway, was grinning from ear to ear.

"Aha! So it's not just me. You do it too!"

Mobius raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

Reaching up to him, Loki touched Mobius' chest with his index finger.

"You also tell your friends intimate details about our relationship!"

"I certainly don't."

"Oh, I think you do. I just heard HB teasing you about my 'youthful enthusiasm' and telling you to rest because you look tired." Loki's eyes danced with joy.

"I-" Mobius sighed, "Okay, I guess I told her a couple of things about our life together - Hmph!"

Loki threw his arms around Mobius and kissed him deeply. Mobius, surprised at first, put his hand on his cheek, answered the kiss with the same passion, carding his fingers in Loki's hair. Once things calmed down, they parted, breathless.

"What was that for?" asked Mobius, tucking a strand of hair behind Loki's ear in a gesture so familiar now.

"You're talking about me to people, bragging about me." Loki's eyes glowed. "That means you're proud to be with me."

Mobius blinked. "Of course I am. How can you doubt it?"

Loki pressed another kiss to Mobius' mouth. "You can be quite a hard man to read sometimes."

"Not at all," Mobius whispered, as he gently patted Loki's butt. "I'm an open book."

"You are..." laughing, Loki rolled his eyes. "You're not at all." His expression softened as he looked Mobius in the eye. "But I think I can read you."

"You're the only one who can do it," Mobius acknowledged softly.

He wondered how long it would take Loki to see in his eyes the infinite love he had for him, and if he would be able to surprise him with the ring he had in his pocket.

________

Whole series of one shot here : Together, for all time, always

As always, bear with me as it is not beta'd I hope you enjoyed it 🥰

[pomefioreundergroundlab]

Lore Here LH: I wanna make something clear here in regards to my post regarding about having a fem Yuu in a spinoff AU, about my comment to Drace. What I specifically meant is that I hope the female characters don't get fetishized in universe, I don't particularly care about IRL men fetishizing fictional women, but I prefer the girls being treated like normal people in fiction universe.

I hope you understand this Drace, I was too busy with laundry to answer properly. 

I get the whole Twst being a joseimuke game targeted mainly for women and to that they have the right to simp, even if at those times I'm uncomfortable with their way of simping (I used to be like that but I grew out of it). 

Then again, I quite understand the whole concern of the fandom if ever they were to include a female incarnate Yuu due to the whole Otome game misconception, but they aren't the ones who will decide if it'll work or not, only the devs will decide themselves. It would be refreshing to see a fem Yuu who isn't treated like a typical Otome Doormat MC cause we know how Game Yuu is, and some few of their incarnations had some similarities in them (Except for Yuuya, he's rather, too soft with a crippling anxiety, bruh I ship you with Idia. Yuuken is more rough but still compassionate, it's like seeing these incarnations reminds me how some of Game Yuu personality is, sometimes they're blunt and sassy, and times they're soft and kind, too kind to be in NRC) 

Pal, you were starting to scare me with the sending of so many asks ha ha /hj. If you have anxiety, same hat, I get those feelings of 'maybe I didn't express myself Right' quite often.

However, don't you think it's a little weird though, this thing you say, like: "The way real men fetishize fictional women is whatever", but then you say "the way real women fetishize fictional men makes me uncomfortable". I think this is potentially opening a whole other can of worms, but I would invite you to read that again. Are men allowed to "simp" however they want while women have to do it a certain way or they are "cringe"? If you think so, why? Men can have all kinds of figures and memorabilia and make fanwork and obsess over a female character they love, but women can't? I might be reading a bit too much into this, but this wording does bother me a little, yes; it's fair and valid if you feel uncomfortable about it for whatever reason, but the implication of if men do it then it's whatever, that's the thing I have an issue with.

And I say this as someone that get's very excited about characters but ain't out there buying merch and making shrines, but the prospect actually sounds kind of fun!

Also, with these kinds of franchises, it isn't only the devs that will have the last word: With gachas and franchises like these, they try something, if it sticks around and does numbers then the devs will let it be; if it doesn't, if it receives too much backlash, they will attempt to fix it or outright remove it and try to make people forget about it. Devs do care about the opinions of fans.

That all said, again, I don't particularly care much for Yuu, but I do think the idea of a legit well-built Female Yuu character would be an interesting topic to explore and it would be great to see what Yana can come up with for such a character!

~Mod Lag

I remember some asks ago you compare Sebek to a fanatical kpop fan, which, leads me to ask, did you have experience of being fanatical kpop fan? Y'know, the ones who would fight anyone who points out their biases' flaw, insist their biases are the best, fight other fanbases over small matters? Those kind of entitled fans that thinks their biases are their spouses? Those kind of "cringe" fans? Because it's fine, I also have that experience.

And do you think, men is less cringe than them? Oh man, you haven't seen the male idol wotas. They are not any less cringe. Like they will also delude themselves their bias is their gf irl, much like girls did. They will also throw hands if you say their favorite idol group is girlband because how dare you put their pure, cute waifu with those "fake ass plastics" (it's racist comment against south korean because of their use of plastic surgery) because for whatever reason if you like japanese stuff you must hate kpop stuff... Another cringe mindset of the fandom world, that you must choose one of japanese and korean fandom and hate the other.

If your... double standard, so to put it nicely, is because you are afraid that horny women who simp for anime men will be as cringe as those fanatical kpop fan, I can tell you as much, that even yume/self insert kind of people, even if they do self inserts, while still personally i still find that cringe, isn't as fanatical as the most fanatic of kpop fans. And we know not all kpop fans nor idol wotas are the most fanatic.

As much I personally don't like self insert, I think the problem is not which gender simps to which gender, but are they doing it moderately or fanatically , and whatever the case, fanatism was never good. That is the problem.

As I've said in other asks before, it's mean to objectify people. Again, it's really hypocritical that you demand more right for fictional women but deny real women of their right to be horny and voice their horny feeling/opinion.

-Mod Drace