#and i have two people i'm talking to this week about maybe being flatmates so they're potentially taking that room

[rowenabean]

What does it say about me that I'm considering swapping my own single bed for my spare room queen bed and I consider this a step down in the world?

[mybrokenveins3000]

The Very First Night - College!Ross Macdonald

A/N: Me again, thank you for the love <3 I wouldn't continue this lil thing I got going on if people weren't reading, I love you all very much. Glad you're not sick of me just yet. Feel free to give me requests + prompts, doesn't even have to be in the College!Ross universe. 8 times out of 10 I'll write about anything. Hope you enjoy this one!

word count: 1k

♫ The Very First Night - Taylor Swift

"What are you thinking about?"

You snap out of your daydreaming and see Ross leaning on one of the washing machines. It's a familiar image since the pair of you have been doing your laundry together since you first met.

It's the latter half of your first semester at university and you find no greater joy than watching him being so domestic. Calm and concentrated under the glow of laundromat lighting and the distant winter sun.

You're both still in that weird stage where there is no clear word to describe what you are to each other. But, somewhere in the shared glances and silences, you both agreed that a label would reduce things - for now at least. Funny, there's talk of you visiting each others' hometowns during the month-long Christmas holiday, and yet you lack the words to describe what you mean to each other. Maybe it all transcends words.

You finally muster up an "Oh, nothing. Just thinking."

"Come on, what's going through that pretty head of yours"

"Shut up..." you laugh, playfully swinging your legs as you sit atop the machine beside him. "Actually, I'm thinking about Freshers' week."

"Go on," he smirks, head cocked and eyebrows raised in curiosity.

"Nah, you wouldn't want to hear--"

"Tell me"

---

It's the Friday of Freshers' week. You and your flatmates agreed to crash a party in the neighbouring accommodation. Two hours in, and you still can't look anyone in the eye. What's wrong with me, I'm not usually this shy.

To remedy this, you decided to drink yourself into oblivion. But what was supposed to be added confidence transformed into a form of mild paralysis and wavy vision. Who knew you had to put more mixer in than liquor, not the other way around?

You find your body slummed down in the hallway, the world is fragmented, and the bass boost coming from the living area is almost headache-inducing. You're trying so hard not to throw up in your mouth.

"Is she okay?"

You hear pitying coos, but you can't see where they're coming from.

"I'M DOING FINE!" you messily interject, hoping someone got a laugh out of that at least.

You smell a waft of cigarettes and petrichor, a soothing melange of warm and cold, as a blurry figure enters your vision and crouches beside you. You relax a bit, not knowing exactly why.

"Could you get her some water?" the figure yells down the corridor, "I'm going to stay with her for a second."

Despite your state, you trust your intuition that, whoever this person is, they're here to help you.

You suddenly burst into exaggerated tears.

"Why are you crying?" they laugh.

"I- I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING," you blurt out, "I'm scared- I'm scared that no one here is going to like me and- and my coursemates will think I'm stupid AND-"

Their laughter, so genuine, like sunshine eases you into a state of calm. They gently brush the strands of your hair off your sweaty and tear-stained face, conscious not to touch you in case it'd make you uncomfortable.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he says, "they're going to love you."

And there it was. The rash and endearing intimacy of being known. To be in such a state and yet have someone say something like that - it almost had the power to sober you up right then and there.

The rest of the night is a blur. Next thing you know, you feel the pure rush of water down your throat and then your arms slung around your flatmates, all laughing with unabashed glee, as you hobble back to your accommodation. They would smile with you about that night time and time again, comforting you that you were taken good care of by them and the others at that party.

---

"--and then they said 'they're going to love you,'" you explain to Ross who, by this point, was resting his chin on his hand, holding onto every word you said.

"'They're going to love you...'" you repeated to yourself. "And they said that as if they knew me!? It was crazy."

He laughs quietly at the enthusiasm you recounted the story with.

"Not being funny, I have that echoing in my head all the time. That was probably the highlight of my entire Freshers' week."

"Well, we have to go out and find them, don't we?"

"Nah, it's just a nice story. I don't even know what they look like," you sigh, "anyways, why would I go look for someone else when I have you?"

Only you have the power to make him smile so hard. He casts his eyes to the floor, playing with his chain ever so slightly. The washing machines whir and shake. Oh, if I could make this moment last forever.

"When was the first time we met?" he finally says.

"Umm, that film student party?" you reply, confused.

He straightens up and walks towards you, dark yet gentle eyes staring into yours. Suddenly, you're aware of how empty the laundromat is. He reaches for you, brushing the strands out of your face, then raking a hand through your hair. His hand finally rests, fingers holding up your chin.

"They're going to love you," he whispers.

You're short of breath. You look at him, starry-eyed, basking in the elixir timbre of his voice - that goddamn familiar voice.

"It was you," you beam at him, "it was you all along."

How could you not have realised? That calm effect he has on you, you had known it before you even really knew it. The space between you two gets smaller and smaller.

But all he does is plant a quick peck on your forehead before unloading the washing. What a tease.

You jump off the machine and crouch down to his level as he did for you once before. As he shovels your clothes, his and yours all mixed together, into the basket, you grab both sides of his face and kiss him. Long, hard, appreciative, and - before you knew it - so full of love.

A/N: Hmmm, this is kinda mid, but cute nonetheless I suppose. Didn't proofread it but WHATEVER, if there are mistakes, ignore that... Funny, all of these kinda end the same MBV3000 write a different ending for once challengeeeee.

I still think Everyday Rockstar is one of my best so GO READ THAT IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY because I am SO PROUD (and SO EMBARASSINGLY, TERMINALLY SINGLE).

[tia-amorosa]

Sunset Died - The Loners

Part 2

Autumn took a few steps towards him. “Hey, what's wrong, you look so depressed”. Hank looked into the distance for a moment. “Pauline came to see me briefly this morning."/ ‘Oh… And what did she want?’/ ‘Nothing more than to tell me that I'm not the father of her child’/ ”aah… I see. And that bothers you now?”.

Hank shook his head quickly. “No… No, it doesn't bother me. I'm actually quite happy that it turned out like this. I just hope he turns out to be a good father"/ ‘I'm sure you would have been’ too/ ”yeah… Maybe I will be one day. Are you all right?” he asked her as he hugged her.

“mhm, I'm always fine when I see you. It's a bit stressful at home. Leila is pregnant and Gage is always cleaning"/ ‘And the other one, what was her name again?’/ ”Twyla… She draws pictures to kill time. Everyone does their own thing here, but I like to be outside sometimes and wait for a miracle to happen"/ …

“I stopped believing in miracles a long time ago… It's only a matter of time before we all starve to death here"/ ”Don't say that. I'm sure we'll still be helped. We just have to be patient…"/ ”hm, I'll have to practise that again. I'm already glad that I got a few cans from the Altos”.

“They've tried as best they can to divide everything up… Hey, don't be so pessimistic, everything will be fine”. Hank smiled a little. Apparently Autumn always managed to take his mind off things. Then he took her hand. “Hm… What do you say we go to my place? You're already getting a red nose"/ ‘hnhn, o.k.’/ ‘I've also prepared a surprise for you…’/ ‘I'm curious about that,’ she said with a smile and gave him a kiss. then they set off on the long walk to his house.

The walk to Hank's house was really long. And the longer you had to walk, the more the cold drew into your body, despite the movement. “mh, it smells good in here“/”you think? I haven't really done anything except a bit of cleaning"/ ‘hnhn, that does make a difference’.

“But not much has happened down here"/ ”I wanted to take care of the bedroom first. You complained about the beds, so… I thought of something” / ‘well then…’. Naturally, she was curious as to what he had been doing up there and quickly made her way up the stairs.

Once upstairs, it was a bit of a surprise for her. “How did you come up with the idea of building a Viking bed?”/ “I read a book the other day where were described a bed like this… Well… I thought I'd give it a try. It's sturdy, anyway…”. She looked mischievously at the bed. “I still have to see for myself”. Then she turned to him. “I think we both know what else we can use this for… don't we?”.

Hank and Autumn have been a couple for a few weeks now. But no one has really noticed yet, except her flatmates. Hank didn't want to make a big deal of it for the time being either. But they get on very well and seem to have a few things in common. And he didn't worry about Pauline any more - what was, is over.

While Autumn spends time with Hank, Twyla has retreated to her room with a book. “Knowing her, she'll be spending the night with him anyway. We've known each other for so long, she's become my best friend. But at the moment, I have the feeling we're growing apart. . and the other two… only have eyes for themselves”.

In fact, Gage and Leila enjoy every free minute together. “nhnhn, why don't you put me down again, you. “/ “I'd carry you to the end of the world if it came down to it”/ “I already feel like I'm at the end of the world here, Gage”.

He carefully stood her back on the floor. “I know it's anything but easy at the moment. But most people here still have hope…"/ ”I do, too… But how much longer is this going to last? If something doesn't happen soon, the next generation won't survive for long here.”

After Leila and her fiancé had finished talking, they both went to their beds. There were only single beds, no bed for two where they could have cuddled or warmed each other up. But again, Beau had made sure that no one in the house had to freeze. …

Sometimes unexpected things happen at night. For example, the chicks hatch from their fertilized eggs. And there are quite a few of them, so they can be distributed among the people. Or you can make a delicious roast from them when they are fully grown.

Gage gets up particularly early. He is often the first to check on the animals. “What a nice surprise. I always thought there would be fewer chicks in winter. Our baby won't be born until next year. Until then, I can still practise a little with you, hnhn. Hmm… I'll call you Fluffy… Although, I don't even know if you're male or female, but I think the name fits. If you get too cold, lie under your mother's belly and she'll keep you warm”. After he had set the chick down again, he stood outside for a moment and watched the sun rise. Until it got too cold for him and he went back into the house.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

@greenplumbboblover😊

[audaciousamadeus]

Back to the routine

Sadly, coming back to London also meant coming back to my responsabilities. More specifically, coming back to my Upgrade report. After 9 months since the start of the PhD up to 16 months, you have to write and present a mini-thesis with all the progress you had so far and to discuss it with two lab leaders from the same department. If they approve of the current direction of your project, you are upgraded from MPhil to a proper PhD. To be fair I think this is a feature within British universities and that it makes it harder for a student to fail or to have a PhD that lasts like 8 years in which they are exploited by the PI to complete an insanely ambitious project and get scooped three times in the process (I'm looking at you, Germany).

I tried to work on it as fast as I could, but since the end of August I've been feeling this bizarre drowsiness. Even during my trip. It didn't matter how much I slept, my eyelids started getting heavy and dropping around 11am and this has never happened to me before. Thankfully I wasn't pregnant. For a few days before taking a test I even mentally prepared myself for a conversation with that guy (the me from before this Summer would have never thought this would happen in her little uneventful life), as I thought it would be only fair as the child would be half his and he would most likely agree to not keep them, and to make him aware that he was fertile if that was indeed the case (which, again, thankfully it wasn't as that would be the cherry on top of this situation). A blood test only pointed out to slightly lower ferritin levels than the average, but that has always been my baseline. The most shocking thing was that even my B12 was fine. I was doing regular exercise and hydrating as well.

So shockingly the problem was most likely stress. I guess that all those months working from 8am to 7pm and on weekends were finally taking their toll. Half of the trip last month was also just intense science, and even when it wasn't I would still read a few papers and worked on an abstract for two conferences.

So yeah. Maybe that was it. But who knows really.

Because of that, even though I had a week left to finish my report, I decided to not do anything related to academia during the weekend. My witchy friend asked if she could join for doing nothing on Saturday and I agreed that this was a good a idea. I made us some amazing peanut udon noodles with kimchi, gochujang brown sugar glazed tofu, cucumber strips marinated in soy sauce and sesame oil, and fried broccoli (can you tell that I am writing while hungry?).

I live right next to London's cutest Weatherspoons with a beergarden, so my witchy friend asked if me and my flatmate/landlord would like to go outside and have some cider in the garden, considering that it was literally the last day of Summer. We agreed of course. It was a great atmosphere and my flatmate was telling us about one time that he met a psychic (who was actually just a drug addict, classic South London NPC) at the Weatherspoons, until we started talking about our private lives and I had a meltdown that surprised not only my friends but myself as well. I'm not sure what exactly triggered this, but soon enough I was being bitter about unrequited love.

And even more bitter about thinking something was unrequited for years until the person confessed to me years later, long after I stopped having feelings for them. Even someone who I liked who is gay wrote a huge text to me saying that one of their biggest regrets was not spending as much time with me and that I was the most important person in his life. This has happened three times so far, so it seems to be a pattern. I should feel validated by these, I really should. Maybe the bitterness comes from a sense of injustice, not towards them but towards life or the universe. It feels like, maybe I could sense the potential of our bonds but years before these people could be mature enough to match my imagination. Like I have spent years hurting for nothing, that I am unlovable and that it is all unfair, although I know rationally that this is how life is and that I am not special in this regard. Even writing this down makes my eyes burn with tears. My own reaction revealed to me that this hurt me far more than I knew it did and it scared me, but it is better to acknowledge it than to sweep it under the rug.

It could've come up in a better way though.

I apologised to my friends and we went up to blow out a candle that my flatmate forgot to put out. My witchy friend revealed that she brought a bottle of Port, so of course we finished that bottle before heading back down to the Weatherspoons. We got a new round of ciders and the witchy friend's flatmate joined us.

We went back up after a while and I baked some vegan chai buns. I never baked chai buns. I didn't have a recipe. They turned out marvellous. Dangerously spicy though since I accidentally spilled a handful of ginger powder in the filling. As usual when I'm drunk and these two come over, I have no more impulse control and go to sleep around 11pm while they stay until 2am talking to my flatmate in the living room. Although I wanted a quiet day, I felt like this made me extremely happy. I could really feel the seasonal change as I woke up on the next day to a more cloudy and cold weather, got a leftover chai bun and warmed it up in the oven, made some matcha latte, and did nothing all day. I prayed that this weekend would exorcise the burnout away.

On Monday I didn't feel so sleepy anymore so I counted this as a huge success. Suck on that, stress! I made more progress during those three days before my deadline than I had for the past two weeks. At some point I had to improve specific plots I had for the datasets related to my main project, so I decided to reanalise everything altogether. As it turns out, naive old me wasn't as well-versed in the art of data analysis as current me is. The results I had pre-optimisation were not as bad as I thought they were! Those optimisations took so much time out of my life and self-esteem points...But oh well. Happens! Also results on a collaboration I have investigating how cold-shock affects neurons were super interesting. I felt the spark come back to me and genuinely felt eager to analyse that data! This was amplified 10x when I hit the submit button for my Upgrade, feeling life return to my body.

On non-scientific news I went to a Tango class. My boss recommended the place to me when we were having breakfast in the Swiss Alps. I intended to go alone, but another PhD student from my lab, cute Indonesian girl, decided to come along. She's polyamorous and had a relationship with a married non-binary person and a guy from my neighbourhood who identified himself as monogamous. On that week she broke up with one of them, and gotten broken up with by the other. It was the week of her birthday. She contacted me asking if I had any weekend plans because now she "had a lot of time". So I invited her for Tango during the week.

When it comes to singing, the majority of my enjoyment comes from the technical aspect of it, hitting the right notes in the right intonation, although there is the element of emotion in it. With dancing, although I would like to feel competent and praised for being good at the technique, what I sought was to feel more in the moment and connected with my body. To get out of my head and feel fluid. This has always been complicated for me especially due to a mix of being naturally unaware of sensations and feeling ashamed of my body, but I knew it was possible. Just for the sake of it I decided to lead. It was very interesting how much my levels of enjoyment varied according to the person. And how much a slight turn could induce someone's body to go to a different position. The teachers, who were Argentinian, congratulated me a few times. Maybe there is a special thing in Latina body proportions that tips my balance in a special way and makes me actually decent for this after all. Still, the dance felt far too sober and controlled. Maybe I truly am meant for "happier" dance styles. Still, I will give this a few more chances. The cute Indonesian girl also really liked it thankfully. We catched up a bit before going our own ways.

After the Upgrade was done I dedicated myself to the Away Day of my institute. Each lab had to make a skit, and Golden Retriever Boy, a post-doc, decided that we would make a parody of a David Attenborough documentary about the life of a scientist, and finish it off with an interpretative dance of a theory from the lab about how certain proteins interact with specific RNAs, shifting interactions and localisation of certain molecules in the cell. Trying, not my best but my bare minimum, to support the vision, I found a David Attenborough AI online for free and sent it to our lab manager, Ginger Naruto, to make a script. I had a few hours to become decent at using iMovie to edit videos and the end result made me prouder than my Upgrade report.

Ginger Naruto is leaving us soon for greener, shinier, more open-architecture pastures, so we went out for drinks and our place of choice was doing Oktoberfest. I saw this as a sign from the universe to impulsively buy a cheap Dirndl on Amazon, which arrived on the same day. Cheers to culturally approriating the Bavarians.

On Friday we had the Away Day. Our skit was one of the best, but our interpretative dance was a dumpster fire, as Golden Retriever Boy didn't want to practice beforehand. One of the labs did a pub quiz on the topics they study, another one did an Office parody, which was absolutely brilliant. By the end of the day we had a cocktail workshop with tapas. Except that even before making cocktails we were given shots. My body, although not hungover (still didn't have one), felt like it needed to be cleansed so I didn't take too long to leave, after making a beautiful Cosmopolitan.

Going back to the lab to split my cells, I had a very lovely walk to the Farringdon station, appreciating the sun setting and the Autumnal vibes. Splitting cells at 9pm would not be everyone's choice of a Friday night, but it felt comfortable somehow when listening to my Autumn playlist.

On the (sixth and) seventh day, she rested.

Lo and behold, she learns!

Recharged greetings using 80% more of my brain,

Sleepy Amadeus

[soda-boots]

Affirmations

I feel like writing, but I can't think of anything to write about (at least well) except about Ellis.

What do I say actually? I think I really do like him, maybe that's why I'm so anxious now. I was overthinking drinking water in his room. I seemingly forgot how to drink water silently. Every gulp of water felt louder and heavier than the last one. I've never been more self-conscious about a basic task like that before. Am I circling back to my reservations with being perceived. Which still makes no sense to me, I don't necessarily try to blend in (ever) or be silenced (except at the music show where I seldomly interject but that's mostly because I enjoy to watch the interactions).

Is it strange that I just want to touch him ? On the rare occasion, where our arms have brushed it felt exhilarating. On the flip side, I don't often enjoy touch half the time , so that's a weird dichotomy...

I wonder if I say enough or not. Am I giving 'more than friends' vibes ? How do I even do that? I have no idea to even go about that or convey those feelings, and gauge whether I'm doing it effectively or not. I like it when I'm near him, even when we don't say anything. However, does everyone feel that way ? I don't want things to become awkward.

Throughout the two films, I yearned for his comments (just so I could hear his voice). I adore the sound of his voice; I think that's a psychological thing, obviously. I giggle when I imagine him laughing like Prince William. Eww a giggle though (be embarrassed, I concurrently am and am not). When I see him everyone else blurs away into a haze of human-shaped off-focus individuals. How am I meant to notice anyone else when you're there. Sitting next to him, I just noticed the light hairs on his arm; the waistband of his underwear, but strangely I can't remember the colour of his eyes. I never can seem to, how bizarre ? Especially considering how I insist on keeping eye contact with people while they speak to me. There might be some form of disassociation happening somewhere or I just blanket interpret everyone's eyes as brown after I meet them.

I am very tired now, so good night.

Edit :

The title is in reference to Hannah Diamond's song from her new album, Perfect Picture

I am building my own world

I am a business women and my own CEO

I will always be enough

I mean a lot to all my fiends and I will never give up

I'm the girl who gives her time and energy

The girl who's anything she wants to be

I can be a better me

These are the affirmations from the song, which Hannah chants to 'keep repeating'. I don't really do affirmations except for specific moments where I need a confidence boost. I guess I enjoy the declaration of the inverse of an anxiety. Affirming it's not true (or should I say confirming the opposite is true to be more positive) provides some reassurance. However, if it stems from place of insecurity (don't you already believe that insecurity to be true to have to deny?) is an affirmation just a coping mechanism ?

I've been thinking lately about how I struggle to actually say why I like people. Intrinsically I must know, right?

I've still yet to meet all my flatmates. We're three weeks in now, that's so odd. I'm definitely comparing my interactions with them to my flatmates from last year, but we're so not a 'group'. Sure, last year my flatmates weren't a friend group but I still spoke to them and we hung out one on one. Thinking about it, I have a distinct memories of hanging out individually (or in a trio) with each of them: press with Avisha, Elvis with yasmin, caving with Saskia, talks with Zara, pizza with Hannah and yasmin, watching some of thoroughbreds (with Dan (who actually didn't live with us) with Francis being there for a while). It's weirdly isolating not even being barely friends with any of them (yet). I guess I'm only three weeks in and I am barely in my flat during the week, so I won't deep it too much.

[blackbird-brewster]

Okay since everyone wants a full account of the night I met Doom Them -- here we go. Strap in, this one is so wild. I'm changing everyone's names, obviously.

To set the scene, it's September 2017. It's only been three months since the worst trauma in my whole life occurred. I am A Wreck. I'd gone back to nonstop drinking to try and cope. (Not the answer, but all I had at the time).

My flatmate, let's call her Lisa, just got back from a three week trip to the US. She decides to have some people over at our flat to celebrate. I pre-game before people get there, so I'm fairly smashed before I even meet anyone.

One guest is Doom Them, who knew Lisa back when they were teens but they lived in separate places throughout their 20s and Doom Them had only just moved back to our town. Lisa thought me and Doom Them would get along (she was right, considering Doom Them and I have been together nearly seven years now 😍)

The other two main guests are M (a very newly out trans woman) and her gf of five years, Carly. Now, it needs to be noted that Carly is straight, her partner just came out as a trans woman and that's causing some obvious questions between them in terms of their sexualities.

There were a couple of other friends who popped by for a drink through the evening, but I think the vibe was SO uncomfortable, people didn't stay long. Which was very valid tbrh.

Did I mention I'm Drunk? Like Drunk to the point my ADHD is making me do what was essentially a one-act-play reenacting the recent traumatic events in my life. I'm telling these three strangers my entire life story in the middle of our tiny flat's living room. (To this day, Doom Them teases me for that night bc they saw me being So Much and apparently sat in the corner going 'What is wrong with this Leo?' -- I am NOT a Leo. lmaoooooooo)

Doom Them finally cuts and runs, understandably. This leaves, me, Lisa, and this couple with their Ongoing Problems. M gets upset about something and goes to Lisa's room, who follows after her to go talk to her.

Now, it's just me and Carly in the living room. We have the lights off, the fireplace is filling the room with warmth and light. I'm Very drunk, but this woman only had like 2 drinks max. We are sharing our life stories to each other and she tells me she's worried about her relationship with M, because if M is a woman, does that now make Carly a lesbian? As someone who has identified as every letter in the alphabet soup through my many years, I'm end up having to explain Queer 101 to this woman.

We also talked a lot about astrology and I, being the nosey person I am, asked for her chart details so I could have a glance. I give her my first thoughts as I looked it over and she LEGIT meets my eyes with a soft smile and says "No one's ever seen me the way you do...." Honestly, she had probably been hitting on me before that point, but I am slow on the uptake when sober, doubly so when drunk. But that moment was directly ripped out of fanfic, so I finally recognise it, and the way she's looking at me starts throwing up Red Flags. I was like 'Hm, okay. Maybe it's time for me to go to bed.'

Carly abruptly says, "I'm going to break up with M."

I'm like, "Okay????????? Not my business. I should really be going to bed I have work tomorrow."

So I go knock on Lisa's door, where she and M have been hiding for probably 2 hours now. I tell Lisa I need to get to bed and I'm giving her the widest 'HELP ME' eyes I can muster.

I go to get ready for bed, M comes out to talk to Carly -- THEY ACTUALLY BREAK UP. Five years they've been together and they break up at 2am in my living room. I come out of the bathroom to find Carly sitting on my bed.

"I broke up with her. But I'm pretty sure I'm a lesbian and I think I'm falling for you," she says.

I am like mentally screaming. My life was ALREADY a shit show at that point I was trying to keep my job, trying to heal after The Trauma, and I was kinda half-dating this other girl I worked with. The LAST thing I need is some woman who met me TONIGHT being like 'I love you even though we just met and also you made me a lesbian'

Because M and Carly didn't drive to ours (I think they took an Uber or something), Lisa decides they should stay the night. (Thanks bitch 💀) And considering we only have two beds and we don't even have a couch, there's not many options for how that would play out.

Carly ends up sharing my bed, she's like cuddling me and holding my hands and asking if she can kiss me. I AT LEAST have the wherewithal to be like 'No, absolutely not a good idea right now.'

I am LEGIT trying to sleep because I have to work in like four hours at that point. I'm basically PLaying Possum, laying very still with my back turned and eyes squeezed shut just PRAYING I'll fall asleep. All the while, NONSTOP she's cuddling around me and whispering how much she likes me and how she's never felt like this before and how she's falling in love with me and wants to be with me --

IN MY OWN BED. WHERE I CANNOT ESCAPE HER. One of the longest nights in my entire life.

When I wake up after my 2 hours of sleep, I am SO happy to find I'm alone. There's a note on my dresser, on top of the paper is Carly's ring. A ring she'd showed me the night before and said she's never taken it off in 12 years since her sister (who I think had died) gave it to her. Yet, there it is on my dresser.

The note was the same things she'd kept me up all night with. "Never met someone like you. I think I love you. I want to be with you" sort of stuff.

I don't have time to dwell on this, because I had to go open the store. Lisa was already gone when I got up too because she worked at like 6am, so I never saw her in the mornings.

I'm at work that day and Carly texts me (I apparently gave her my number in my drunken wisdom):

She says (and this is direct bc I just dug through old messages for this authenticity): "Came out to a coworker via Facebook and my mom in person. Honestly, thought she'd kick me out. M is moving out today. Just wanted you to know. I think you'll make an amazing (misgendered term related to The Trauma) and I want to be with you but to take it slow. You in?"

I IGNORE the text for a multitude of reasons. So a couple of hours later SHE FINDS ME ON INSTA and starts DM'ing me there too. She tells me that what happened with us the night before was totally fine, because as it turns out, M tried to sleep with Lisa too. So it was basically fine for Carly to go after me cause her gf tried to cheat on her at the same time! (WTAF)

I again, ignore these messages. That night I get:

"here if you need to talk. I don't want to be anyone's therapist but I think we connected the other night. also I think I could be hypomanic right now or maybe I've just been abused. No pressure as to whether you reply. We don't really know each other. Sorry if I pushed the boundaries last night."

She ended up getting help for her mental health and when she got out of hospital, she text me to apologise. I returned her ring.

We never saw each other again.

Seven years ago, a hot goth walked into my flat for a small get together my flatmate was having. The other guests present that evening were a couple who had been together 5 years at the time.

That fateful night saw that couple break up, because one of the women decided (after only four hours of knowing me) she was in love with me instead of her gf. That was the most wild and uncomfortable social gathering I had ever been involved in, which is really saying something if you know any stories of me in my 20s.

Anyway, all of that is beside the point. Because although the sapphic drama was buckwild, I cannot even remember the name of the woman who professed her love to me.

What I CAN remember is the hot goth, who mostly watched in silent horror as the night unfolded, and yet still decided to be friends with me afterwards. And to this day, they're still my best friend, but around here they're known as Doom Them, my partner and love of my life.

It took a whole load of courage to keep hanging out with me after THAT party was your intro into my wild life. I'm so glad you did. You're my everything, baby. 🥰😌

Happy seven years of knowing each other 😍

[youremeimyou]

Old Friends

pairing: Jung Hoseok x reader genre: fluff, comedy, slight drama high school crush au and there’s a Hoseok vs y/n rap battle in there, somewhere word count: 6k warnings: just some passionate kissing, oh and shirtless Hoseok;)

Description: Hoseok is your high school friend that you had a different kind of relationship with. You run into him, after many years and rekindle your friendship. Then he takes you to your high school reunion and claims you as his girlfriend. But it’s only an act. Right?

A/N: EGO IS OUT!! I can’t get enough of it, or enough of J-hope. Hence, this oneshot. I gave this my all and had fun reading it back so I’m hoping it’s not shitty. Pls let me know what you think of it. Also I changed the way I write and reffered to the reader as ‘you’ for this one- idk i wanted to try it. If you guys have prefferences you can let me know. I hope you like it. Enjoy!

It's official, you hate summer. Sure.. school's out, no more chasing after professors or migraines lasting for weeks. But goddamn it it's hot and humid. It's like trying to breathe in a sauna, which you hate. Plus, the sun is like a deadly laser. Normally you love strolling through this street. Glancing at cute little stores and admiring street artists as you walk by. Not today, though. Not while feeling like all the water in your body is gonna evaporate any second.

You notice a little crowd up ahead, a half circle. And the sound of a groovy beat captures your attention. You might've stopped and joined the crowd just for the captivating music, if it wasn't for the torturous heat. In this instance you'll settle for only a glance at whatever show is going on inside that half circle.

That's until you see the street dancer there and you stop dead in your tracks. Someone is crazy enough to dance in this heat. Someone manages to look like the greatest performer alive despite the sweat covering his body and the fact that he's probably about to pass out. That someone is Jung Hoseok.

Before you can do anything else, you realize just how much better he’s become. And he was already an amazing dancer the last time you saw him. Back in high school, that is. Hobi the bubbly, cheerful dancer that dominated talent shows every year. Hobi who you occasionally helped pass chemistry. Hobi who could actually also sing, a fact only you knew about him of all the kids at your school. Because you’d spend most of your time in the music room, usually all by yourself. But one time, you caught him sitting alone and singing in there and after that, he’d visit you every so often. In return, he was the only one that knew you composed songs.

It’s been three years since graduation and your last conversation with him. But right now, he’s standing right in front of you. No, he’s dancing. The music ends in time with his final move and the mini crowd goes wild. As he catches his breath, most people leave money in his hat on the floor. You hope they’re being generous. Rightfully so, that was one hell of a performance.

You contemplate on whether you should say hi or not. The introvert in you decides you shouldn’t but before you can turn around to leave, you make eye contact with Hoseok.

“Y/N?” he asks.

“Hey, Hoseok.”

And he smiles. Despite how exhausted he must be, he gives you a whole cheekbones lifted, classic Hobi smile.

“You were amazing. But how did you not faint dancing in a weather like this?” you ask, smiling back.

“Come to think of it, I do feel like blacking out.” he says in between his panting.

You panic and go closer to him quickly. “I can take you to the hospital-”

“I’m kidding, Y/N.”

Did you maybe miss his mischevous ass? You both giggle.

“How about taking me to an icecream shop to catch up, instead? It’s been so freaking long. If you don’t have any plans, I mean.”

Your plan is going home, opening the refrigerator door and standing in front of it. So they’re skippable for an old friend.

“Let’s go before you deteriorate.”

You take him to the closest icecream shop you know and the shop has great air conditioning, thank god. Hoseok sits down and you feel as though he won’t be able to get up and order. Despite the smiley and bright facade of his, his body seems to be worn out. So, you take the liberty to order for both of you.

As you wait in line, order and wait for them to prepare it, you think about what you wanna say to Hoseok. Regardless of how much time has passed, you notice how you still get a little nervous with him around. It used to be like that in high school, too. You could never really look him in the eyes while he was speaking with you. You wouldn’t be intimidated. You’d just be kinda.. overwhelmed.

You take the cups and make your way to the table. Hoseok’s eyes light up, he seems content with your choice. He also looks better now, the cool air of the shop must’ve helped.

“What’re the odds of us meeting like this? Just on the street?” he initiates conversation.

“Well, I’m not exactly surprised to find Hope on the streets.”

“You remember my stage name?” He looks geniunely surprised.

“How can I possibly forget crowds of people going crazy, cheering J-hooope?”

That makes him shy, you think. With him averting his eyes to the ground. You’d hear those cheers often, back then. Hoseok was known as ‘J-hope’ and his act ‘Hope on the street’ was very popular. Everyone in Gwangju High would come to watch him perform, including you. It really is a bit strange how you ran into each other randomly on a street in Seoul, you think. You both had dreams of moving to Seoul as teenagers and had told each other about it. But neither of you knew if the other actually made it there. Until now.

"Did you move here right after graduation? I remember you talking about wanting to persue music here at University of Seoul." he says with his eyes on his icecream. He remembers your dream.

"Yeah, I had to get out of there. I moved here even before knowing if the university had accepted me. Thankfully, I got in. What about you? When did you come here?"

After he takes a spoon of the good stuff, he takes his eyes off from his cup and connects them with yours. It happens so suddenly that you almost blush. You're able to hold it in, though. Barely.

"I kinda wanted to wait until my work at the dance academy was done. So, after two more years at Gwangju, I finally transferred here, to National University of Arts just at the beginning of this semester."

You're glad to see him not giving up on dancing because he's so talented for it that it isn't like anything you've seen before or after you've known him. When he dances, it's like whatever music he's moving to actually finds form in him. And when he's not dancing, the way he moves around, walks, talks still somehow appears artistic.

But then, you realize you've been staring at him, lost in your train of thoughts. And he must've noticed because one corner of his mouth curves upwards a little, forming an almost smirk. This time, you can't stop your cheeks from turning red. Fuck.. What's wrong with you? It's been years since you've even seen his face. Why the hell did you just turn into a teenager, all over again?

"How's music school? Did you drop any albums I'm missing out on?" He asks and his eyes go back to his icecream. You can breathe normally again.

"I think school is always a pain in the ass. Even if it's about music." is your reply. You both laugh.

"I couldn't agree more."

Normally you have a hard time talking about yourself with others. But when it comes to Hoseok, it's different. Because that kinda used to be your relationship back in the days. Talking to each other about stuff you wouldn't with others.

"I've been working in a studio a friend of mine opened and we're working on some stuff but.. I can't seem to finish anything I start so, no. I haven't really been productive." you add with a frown. There're lots of things you don't like about yourself and being a procrastinator is one of them.

Then, a hand is placed lightly on yours that was resting on the table. It's Hoseok, holding your hand and looking at you warmly. "Nah, I'm still pretty sure we're gonna hear your stuff on the radio, soon." He looks like he geniunely believes that. All you can do is smile back in appreciation.

Time goes by as you talk about all kinds of stuff. You learn he lives at the student dorm but he's not exactly happy about it and wants to find a new place to stay. Also that he's giving dance lessons to earn some extra cash. You tell him about Yoongi, that friend of yours who owns a studio and how he's looking for someone to move in, after his flatmate moved away. You promise to have the two meet each other and see if they can become roomates.

Hoseok suggests to exchange numbers but it turns out both of you haven't changed them since high school, so you both have the other in your contacts. And you say goodbye shortly after, agreeing on hanging out again, soon.

By the time you get home, it's already evening and you're a little hesitant to open up the door and greet your roommate, Namjoon. Because you promised him that you'd watch that philosophical movie you can't remember the name of together. But you were supposed to do that about two hours ago. You decide to just go in and explain how you ran into an old friend and got held up. Namjoon'll understand, right? You go inside but see that nobody's home, so you call him.

"What's up ditcher?" is how he answers the phone and you can't blame him, really.

"I'm so sorry Joon. I wanna make it up to you but.. where are you, exactly?"

"Yoongi's."

"Okay, don't move." You hang up the phone and go straight into the apartment across the hall from yours. Yoongi has already opened the door before you can knock. You make for the living room and spot your roommate there. Just as you're about to explain, you also spot credits rolling on the tv screen and finished popcorn bowls.

"Wow, you watched Waking Day without me?" you complain. And Namjoon is quick to respond.

"It's Waking Life and yes, since you were a no-show."

"But you didn't even leave me popcorn."

"What're you saying? There's some left right here." Yoongi is the one who hands you one of the bowls.

"There are literally only three kernels here."

"Well, that's what ditchers get." Yoongi is just as merciless as Namjoon.

"But what if something happened to me on my way back-" you try the approach of pulling on their heartstrings but both of them whip their necks back and look at you in extreme worry, so you decide not to mess around. "Okay, okay. I encountered an old friend and lost track of time catching up. But maybe we can watch another movie and I'll make the popcorn, huh?" You wear a guilty grin on your face.

"Nope. You should take a seat and tell me about this friend that made you ditch me."

You sit down in between the guys on the couch, but you're facing Namjoon and telling him about Hoseok. Yoongi only sees your back and he's just so done with you, as always.

"You guys have a house exactly symmetrical to mine across the hall. Why the hell are you always here? I know it's not to see me, you're not even looking at me." It's a mix between ranting and whining. Both you and Namjoon know he's doing it to get attention.

"Because your couch is comfier." says Namjoon.

"And you have a piano." you add.

"You have a keyboard!"

"My keyboard is no upright piano."

Yoongi gives up with a huff. But you attack him with tickles until he gives in and giggles, all the while trying to get rid of your hands.

"By the way Yoongs, you're still looking for a roommate, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"The friend of mine from Gwangju I was catching up with, Hoseok, is looking for a new place. I want to introduce you guys."

"Sure. What can you tell me about him?"

You pause because there're lots of things you can say about him. But those are all about the high school Hoseok. You wonder how many of them changed and how many stayed the same. You're sure of some things, though.

"I can tell you that he's a great guy and a dedicated artist, a dancer. Also he's funny and a mood maker."

"Alright. You should bring him over."

"Great! I will."

You wake up to your phone buzzing repeatedly. First thing you do is check the time and your clock on the wall is striking 11:30 in the morning. You overslept, great. It makes sense after you convinced Namjoon to binge watch Death Note before going to bed. But you ended up sleeping on the couch. The fact that you're in your bed right now means Namjoon carried you there.

3 unread messages from Hoseok.

-Morning, Y/N.

-Are you free today?

-I wanna treat you to some coffee.

It's been three to four days since the time you ran into Hoseok and you've been meaning to reach out to him to hang out but he just beat you to it. You thank the god for his extrovertedness.

-I'm taking care of some stuff in the studio today.

-But you can visit me there and if I'm finished quickly we can even hang out later, too.

-If you'd like, of course.

You press send and for some stupid reason your heart races a little fast. Were you being too forward? He just said coffee, maybe he meant a quick get together. You just asked him to wait for you in a studio, possibly for a couple of hours.

Two more buzzing.

-Sure! I'll make sure to help out so you can finish faster.

-Text me the time and the adress when you can.

You sigh in relief. But now it's time to be nervous about how you'll be alone with him there for a long while. Not that it makes you uncomfortable. You just feel that overwhelming feeling of him being around returning. You hope to at least not act like an idiot.

You make your way to the studio and text Hoseok the location, saying he could drop by whenever he'd like. Yoongi told you to listen to some demos for him but you leave that for last. For now, you're setting up some instruments and tuning them up for the band arranged to record tomorrow. But the bell rings and you sprint to answer the door.

"Hi!" you greet him.

"Hey." Hoseok says with a bright smile. He holds up the bags in his hands. "I brought food and icelattes."

"Which makes you a hero. Come in."

You eat and drink your coffees as you talk about stuff. Then, you play a recording of a guy who did an awful cover of Smelly Cat a few days ago. It makes Hoseok laugh so hard that he tumbles out of his seat and falls towards you. You knew it was a habit of his but you had never been the person he falls over to, before.

He helps you get the rest of the things done after that and surely him giving you a hand speeds up the process. For the last thing, you call him over to listen to the demos.

"Wow, some of these are really good. Especially this one, I like the beat a lot."

"Yeap, me too. I'm showing this one to Yoongi, later."

Finished up with the things, you're getting ready to leave but you hear him beatboxing the beat he liked a while ago.

"You can beatbox?"

"Yeah, I picked it up not so long ago."

An idea pops into your mind. You take him by the arm, practically drag him back to the recording booth and hand him a mic.

"Get a beat going."

"Wha-"

"Just do it." And you run back to record him doing it. After that, you throw in some other instruments quickly. When you play the outcome, he smiles so hard.

"How did you just do that in such a short time, coming up with practically a song."

"You did it, too. You came up with a beat off the top of your head. That's the basis of songs, mostly."

He listens to it over and over. "Hey can I use this for when I do freestyle battles?"

"To dance over to? Sure! I'll work on it some more, though and perfect it."

He shys away a little. "Well, this would make a great dance track but.. I meant freestyle rap battles."

"You rap, too? Geez, is there any street art you're not talented in?" You're not that surprised, though. He always stroke you as swag in living form.

"I'm trying to get into it. I should improve if I wanna make a name for myself out on the streets of Seoul." he says half jokingly but it's true that the rap scene has become a major part of street competition, recently. You know from Yoongi and Namjoon who are also rappers.

You play the beat from the top. "C'mon, then. Let me hear a snippet."

"No, no I'm not really-"

"C'mon~ let's battle." you say to get him worked up a bit. Also, you picked up a few things from Yoongi and Namjoon over the last couple of years.

"Oh battle? Okay then, why don't you go first?"

Both of you try to control your laughter and you come up with some very stupid and childlike rhymes that make Hoseok laugh even harder.

"It's your turn, J-hope."

"Ooo~" he gets more fired up with the mention of his stage name. You're going back and forth rapping about the most random and funny stuff. But then you get bolder and want to go at him a bit, to get him more serious about this. Trying to remember embarrassing things he's done in high school, you throw in lines about the time he had to dance in his underpants in front of the whole school after losing a bet.

Also, there's this face you pull whenever you try to diss someone, something you picked up from Yoongi. But it looks funny on you and the boys always make fun of you about it. You're sure you're doing it right now, too out of habit. And you're not wrong because as soon as you're done, Hoseok starts and he mentions it.

Except, he says something along the lines of despite of you having that expression, he still doesn't feel like you're dissing him because of how beautiful you look even while pulling a funny face.

What? Did he just call you beautiful? In a rap battle?

You're in shock and aren't able to speak for a while. Which Hoseok takes advantage of. "You failed to come up with something in time, Y/N. I win." Then he boops your nose. He fucking boops your nose. What did you get yourself into?

It's the day you finally bring Hoseok to meet with Yoongi. It's been a couple of weeks since you guys started hanging out kinda on a regular basis and Yoongi finally had some free time. The three of you are sitting in Yoongi's living room and you're watcing them get to know each other. Everything seems to go well. The door opens and Namjoon walks in.

"Yo. Sorry I'm late."

"It's okay since you live far away. Oh wait, you live across the hall." Yoongi is quick to welcome him.

"At least I brought dessert."

The two boys go into the kitchen to get dessert ready to be served.

"That's my roomate Namjoon. He wanted to meet you, too." you inform Hoseok.

"Roommate? Wait- you live just next door?"

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner? I'd beg to Yoongi or something to get him to accept me!" he says with a smile. You're glad he's happy about the fact you might live next to each other.

"I think he already likes you. I'm pretty sure you got the room."

And you turn out to be right. Hoseok and Yoongi hit it off quickly and he moves in a couple of days later. You start spending even more time together since then. Both with the other boys around and just you two, alone.

This one time Yoongi gives you the day off, Namjoon is off to do a job interview and you've got absolutely nothing to do. So you go over to see Hoseok. You knock and ring the bell but loud music is coming from inside and he doesn't hear you. The door isn't locked, though and you just go in. When you get to the living room you see Hoseok practising, going really hard at it. There're sweatdrops on his face and his white shirt-now practically see through shirt-is stuck to his body, revealing the delicate structure of it.

Blood rushes to your cheeks and your heart is thumping but you can't look away. He's art, you think. Art that you can't get enough of. He finally notices you, which almost gives you a heart attack but thankfully he isn't uncomfortable with you being there.

"Hey- uh- phew." he tries to talk but needs a moment to catch his breath, first. "Y/N. Please tell me you've been standing there long enough that you saw my new moves."

You nod, still not completely out of your daze. "They were.." you trail off because he just casually takes his shirt off in front of you. "Can you pass me that?" he asks you to hand him over the towel on the chair next to you. You're on autopilot as you do so.

"So, what do you think?"

"Oh yeah- Umm.. it was awesome. Very captivating.."

"Thanks." he smiles brightly while walking closer to you. "I'm gonna take a quick shower. You wanna hang out, after?"

Right. That's why you came over, you remember. "Yeah, I'll be here."

Hoseok and you just hang inside all day. Not doing much but still managing to have fun. Yoongi comes home for a while but has to go back out again, so it's mostly just you two. In the middle of the night, you guys start watching a movie, planning to stay awake till morning but Hoseok's tired from practising earlier and dozes off, eventually. And you're famous for sleeping in front of the tv, so you quickly follow. Then, you two somehow get in a cuddly position in your sleep.

The next morning- or more like afternoon, you wake up to Yoongi slurping his coffee, seated right across from you. Hoseok's nowhere to be seen.

"Hey Yoongs, why am I still here?"

"Well, you obviously fell asleep in front of the tv again and Namjoon's strong arms weren't here to carry you to bed."

"Where is he?"

"Joon said he was staying at a friend last night, not wanting to get all soaked up in the rain. And Hobi woke up just moments ago and went out, saying he has to get ready for a gig."

You nod at him and get up. You're about to go back to your place to wash up but realize something suddenly.

"Since when do you call him Hobi?"

"Since when do you have a crush on him?"

Your eyes go wide with panic. "Wha- No way what're you say-"

"Do you think I'm blind? I can perfectly see it when two people are cuddling on my couch."

"We just fell asleep that's all-"

"I saw you two over at the piano, too. And in the kitchen a few days ago doing the dishes. And while dancing here in the living room for no reason. You can't look him in the eyes without going red and he can't take his eyes off of you."

There isn't much you can say to convince him otherwise because you realize that he's right. At first when you guys started hanging out again, you thought you felt butterflies because you kinda had a thing for him in high school. You paid it no mind thinking it'd fade away with time but it didn't. Your feelings only grew stronger and now you know it was visible to others.

What has you tensed up, however is the way Yoongi talks about the situation like it's both-sided. That's where you can't be sure. Because yes, Hoseok randomly calls you beautiful, takes you out for meals and spends entire days with you. But you don't know if he likes you like that or if he's just being friendly. Just like back in high school.

"Okay, yeah. He makes me feel a certain way. But there's nothing going on, we haven't even talked about it. I don't think he's into me like that."

Yoongi's brows furrow in confusion. "He was just asking me if anything was going on between you and Joon the other day, though."

He asked what?

"What?"

"Dude, he was obviously jealous and suspicious of the fact that you were roommates. And very close ones."

You did have a very close bond with Namjoon, just as you did with Yoongi. Yoongi's just involved less skinship and more serious talk. But Namjoon was the first person who friended you in Seoul and over the years he became your self proclaimed guardian angel. That was all.

"You didn't correct him?!"

"I tried but he seemed overwhelmed with confusion, I'm not sure if he fully believed me. Or fully listened? I dunno- I was kinda enjoying his little emotional crisis."

"Yoongs!"

"Fine! So yeah, maybe you should to talk to him."

How do you talk to someone about this? you wonder. And can Yoongi really be right about the possibility of him reciprocating your feelings?

You're reading a book on your couch. It's been a couple of days since your cuddly interaction with Hoseok and you haven't really hung out after that, either. You're not avoiding him, though. More like testing the waters. Namjoon's little squeal and sprint to the living room gets you out of your thoughts.

"Y/N! Oh my god!"

"Joonie what happened?"

"I got in." His smile is from ear to ear but you're not surprised he got the job he was going after for a while now. He happens to be intelligent beyond your understanding. But also a goofball. Because he -who usually treats books like his children- throws the one you were reading away and gets you up on his back. Now you're both singing victory songs as he gives you a piggy back ride.

Just then, Hoseok makes an entrance to your apartment, sees you two and his face visibly drops.

"Oh- sorry guys. I should've knocked-"

"Dude, it's okay. Think about our two apartments as one big house. You don't have to worry about knocking everytime. Come in!" Namjoon is being his friendly self as he puts you down. "I gotta go call my parents. Thanks for always believing in me, Y/N." He places a soft peck on the top of your head and goes back to his room. Uh-oh. You hope Hoseok doesn't misunderstand.

"How are you doing, Hobi?"

"I'm-" he hesitates for a while. "I didn't know you and Namjoon were.. are you? Y'know like together?"

"No!" you regret yelling but it just comes out before you can stop. "I mean, it's not like that. We're friends. In fact he kinda decleared himself my older brother."

The total grimace that had took over Hoseok's face starts to slowly dissappear. "Oh, okay. I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable like that-"

"No, no. Let's just change the subject." You want to move on from this before it gets awkward.

"Okay. Oh right! I came over to show you something."

He holds out his phone for you to see. It's an invite to an event. Gwangju High's high school reunion, to be exact. You also got one, too but immediately deleted.

"The reunion? You're going?" you ask.

"We should go."

You're about to protest but he cuts in.

"I know most of our year were jerks. But it's Gwangju. I know you miss it there. And high school wasn't all evil."

"It was the people who were evil, Hobi."

"That's why we have to show them their evil ways weren't enough to break us down."

"What do you mean, we? Everyone loved you!"

"The jocks hated me for being popular despite not playing football."

That was true. They sometimes gave him a hard time for grabbing the attention of girls more than them.

"Besides, we're grown ups. If they weren't able to mature, that's their problem. We'll just breathe in some hometown air and have fun."

You did miss home. And the fact Hoseok'll be with you eases your stress so you say yes.

Hoseok and you roam the streets of Gwangju, firstly. You tell him the places you missed most and you visit those. When the reunion evening closes in, both of you go to your homes to get ready. Your parents are sort of shocked you're attending the event but they won't complain because they missed you a lot and you haven't realized how much you missed them back till you finally came back after a long while.

Hoseok comes to pick you up and oh boy. He immediately recongnizes the dress you're wearing as the exact one you wore to prom. The light blue piece fits your body even more perfectly now, he thinks.

"This is your prom dress." It's not a question because he's certain.

You panic because well you wore it thinking nobody would remember since not a lot of people were paying attention to you during prom and you didn't have anything else decent enough in your old closet. How the hell does he remember?

"It looks even more beautiful." And with that, your panic is no more.

You get to the school finally and almost everyone is there. All trying very hard to look fancy, so Hoseok and you make fun of some of them before entering.

"It's J-hope!", "Hope's back!" and "Who is that with Hoseok?" are the comments you hear as you walk by. A few speeches are given, while you stuff your face with cupcakes. Then music's on and people start dancing.

Hoseok is approached by many and he kindly converses with them all. He forces you to speak from time to time, too. One of the boys who you used to tutor a lot, Hansung, tries to make a couple of moves on you. Probably under the influence of alcohol. You politely dismiss him but some other guys that came alone also are eyeing you from different places of the room. Hoseok is well aware and not okay with it, at all.

He slides a hand down your arm and links your fingers. When you turn to him in surprise, he pulls you closer. "Let's act like a couple."

"What-"

"I'm sick of people trying to see if you're available for them, aren't you?"

It is a bit disturbing. You bet most of them didn't even recognize you and are just looking for a prey for the night. "I am." you reply.

"Then just go with it."

So you do that but this time the girls start to get uncomfortable since most of them were eyeing Hoseok. And like clockwork, Gaeun appears with her gang of plastic girls. Gaeun used to be Hoseok's biggest fan. But all she actually wanted was to get into his pants just cause of how popular he was. Knowing this, you tense up. Her eyes hold such a suggestive look that you almost want to protect Hoseok from her.

As far as you know Hoseok has never indulged her like that back in school days. And he doesn't seem to be effected by the way she looks right now, either which can be described in two words: model legs.

"Hobi~" her irritating voice muses. "There're lots of girls wanting to dance with you tonight."

He takes his hand away from yours to claimingly grab you waist. "Sorry, ladies. My dances are all booked by this one, right here." He turns his head and places a kiss on your temple.

"I'm sure your date for the night won't mind if-"

"She's not just my date for the night. Y/N is my girlfriend." he cuts her off. Shock is evident not only on their faces but yours as well. The girls have to walk away awkwardly but what they think they're speaking among themselves is quite audible to you.

"There's no way. Y/N could never be enough for him. Just wait until the end of the night and see how he gets bored."

Hoseok didn't hear them. But you and some other people did. And you don't care what Gaeun says but her words get around fast and people are looking at you even more weirdly than before. Hoseok realizes your body tensing up.

"What's the matter?"

"I don't think people are buying that we're together. Especially after Gaeun started speaking to them."

He looks around to find that people really were looking at you suspiciously.

"Let's make it more believable, then."

He pulls you to the dancefloor and starts moving you to the rhythm. You've danced with him before but they were all silly ones, meant for fun. This one was serious. And your bodies were seriously close. But you just let him lead you, knowing that he knows what he's doing. After a while he figures that the music's ending so he twirls you around and finishes with a sudden dip.

You're back is resting againt his hand as you're leant back and Hoseok's face is so very close to yours. Some people clap and some don't but neither of you really care about the people watching anymore. Then he kisses you. He downright kisses you at the center of the dancefloor. It's passionate but gentle. He doesn't let go for a while but you've no clue how long it's been cause you're lost in the taste of him. Which is a thousand times sharper than the whiskey and a thousand times sweeter than the cupcakes.

He pulls you back up, finally parting your lips. "I think we got about enough attention. Wanna get out of here? We can go to the music room." he suggests. All you can do is nod cause you still can't form words.

You get there and it's the only place in this school that you've missed. You sit down on the piano seat and Hoseok pulls a chair next to you, it's like deja vu.

"You know the song you used to play, the one I liked a lot. River-"

"River flows in you." of course you remember.

"Yeah. I kinda tried learning that on the piano a while back."

"Show me."

He tries to play it and messes up some bits so you help him out. Then, your hands touch accidentally and you both freeze.

"Y/N-"

"Hoseok-"

You both try to speak at the same time and cut each other off, so you laugh. Hoseok goes for it again.

"Y/N. I wanted to ask you out so many times right here, as you'd play songs to me. Did you know that?"

You most certainly did not.

"I wanted to ask you to a dance at the prom, so bad. But you left before I could muster up the courage."

He turns to face you completely.

"I couldn't believe it when I found you again, like that. Everything I felt came back to me as we spent more and more time with each other. And when I got that invite.. I thought- Maybe I've been given a second chance, to do it right this time."

Your heart is racing so fast that you can hear it. Every word he said are things that you've been thinking. So you have to do it properly this time, too.

"So.. so, will you go out with-"

You crash your lips with his immediately and he responds in a flash. This time the kiss is much more deep and demanding. His hands travel down to your waist as you get up from your seat and move to his lap. He hums into your mouth and you try to take in every bit of the vibration from it before both of you pull apart, out of breath.

But he still looks at you with questioning eyes, as if you haven't just given him an answer clear as day. But he looks so cute that you entertain him.

"Yes, high school crush. I will go out with you."

He can finally smile again. Though, it turns into a smirk a while later.

"But will you go out with me?" you joke around, still sitting on his lap.

"I will go out with you so bad that it'll swipe you right off your feet."

As if he already doesn't..

....

A/N: Wowzers, my first Hoseok fic is finished.. I know this was long and thanks sooo much if you bared with me and read it. It would mean a great deal to me to know what you thought of this so, I’d love to have your feedback. Thanks again for reading and have a lobely daayyy :)

PS: How beautiful is Hoseok btw..

[dumbladores]

You - Teaser

Summary:  Your brother and a girl with whom you’ve become friends with by sharing a home, are your flatmates. But since there was a room left, another person had joined in, and not just anyone, but the very Antoine Griezmann himself, who has decided to go back to university and check out the life he had missed while having a career. I intend to develop your relationship rather slowly (but not too slowly, don't be scared). I intend to have at least one little teasing per chapter, how many chapters there will be, I don't know, depends on your demand and how it develops on its own :)

I'll be posting one chapter at least every two weeks. Make sure you check out my Patreon, where you'll have access to more much sooner. I’m dedicating this to @xratedffbarbiex, who inspired that sudden urge to write, so please make sure to check out her Antoine-series as well.

English isn't my first language, so please have mercy with me.

Besides, I'm always happy about propositions or inspiration, so don't hesitate to contact me.

Cheers, guys, to the great community, we've got here!

Warnings: not yet

Part: 1/ ? Part 2 follows next week on my Patreon

Word count: 1756

One

Your brother and a girl with whom you’ve become friends with by sharing a home, were your flatmates. But since there was a room left, another person had joined in, and not just anyone, but the very Antoine Griezmann himself. Footballplayer since he was little, he had to give up his career due to an injury on his left knee. Since he had no family to look after, he had decided to go back to university, doing a little catching up on the life he had missed, as he had been a professional since a very young age.

You had been away when he was to have the “flat interview”, so you didn’t have any saying in the decision, it was anyway a two against one vote, since the others were absolutely enthusiastic about him. Of what you gathered from their statements, it was merely because it was, well, him. But they said he was nice, too. You rolled your eyes at that sentence. It was obvious the two had been taken by either his charm or his indeed very inviting physical features. Nevertheless the three of you made a pact to make every effort you could to make his life in (name of town) as normal as it could be and to trying to include him in as many common student activities there were. 

You often had friends over. Cynthia and you already knew a bunch of people since it was your third semester, and (name of your brother) also quickly took part in that circle of friends. 

It had been weeks since he moved in and yet it seemed he didn’t settle in easily. In videos you had seen of him, he seemed so playfully and easy to get along. But here he behaved rather shyly. He kept mostly to himself during the daytime, locking himself in his room. You only saw him once in a while in the kitchen and in the living room, where he watched football or basketball on a big flat screen he had bought to share with his flatmates, which made a big impression to the other two, but not so much on you. You weren’t to be bought so simply, especially not by someone who wasn’t paying much attention to other stuff you cared more about - for example looking someone in the eyes.

Of course, you had made a big deal out of that fact. You kept saying to Cynthia, what a prick you thought he was and how cocky he behaved. She just rolled her eyes and sayd you should give him some time.

In fact, your pride was a little tiny part of it. You couldn’t bare the thought he didn’t notice you, didn’t show interest in you. But you never in a thousand years would admit it. So you eagerly researched. You researched everthing about him. Where he was brought up, in which clubs he had played, you even watched interviews with him. He was Frances’ darling. Grizou, as they called him. A symbol, an idol for the country, who didn’t even trust in him when he had started his career. No club had wanted him, so he had to move to Spain when he was 14 years old. You couldn’t believe it. It sounded like he had a whole life behind him, now being only 29, he had experienced more than any other normal person at this age, And yet he hadn’t, as he was willing to go back to university to learn, what he had missed when he was out in this cruel world, that loves you at one moment and rejects you at the other. You watched some interviews with him. In most, in fact, he didn’t look the interviewer in the eyes. Most of them were filmed after a match, so you supposed, you couldn’t demand much of a player that just had run for one and a half hours. You certainly wouldn’t be able anymore to utter anything. In fact, you most certainly would be dead. But no, in other situations it was just the same. Also what he was saying didn’t have any profoundness or depth. Angrily you let go, coming to the conclusion there was nothing interesting in this guy, and particulary nothing interesting for you.

Weeks passed. He had invited your brother to play FIFA on his XBOX in his room, but never talked to you or Cynthia more than necessary. You hadn’t exchanged 10 sentences by the end of one month, and after a while you gave it up. He had a few pals from his classes that came over once in a while, and he even came home very late twice, so you guessed he took part in student social life by his own, being to partys and stuff, probably having made other interesting acquintances. You hadn’t made any effort to get him to notice you in any way, but you just stopped caring.

That’s why you missed that he indeed looked at you one or two times in the kitchen. That he started to look at you when you talked to Cynthia or your brother or other friends you had invited over. In fact, there were many movie nights you hosted since you had this big flat TV and other students couldn’t even afford a proper fridge. Antoine started to laugh at your jokes or when you were doing something silly to amuse the people. He, indeed, started watching you intensely. More intensely than the others.

You only came to notice his stare in exactly that moment you were telling a story a group of people in the kitchen at a movie night. You were preparing popcorn in the microwave and you just made a joke about how you had thought as a kid that popcorn didn’t have anything to do with actual corn and that you had made the discovery only recently, and it had been as if you had entered a whole new dimension in the matrix. You noticed his stare, Antoine was casually leaning at the kitchen counter, one hand in his sweatpants, the other on the beer bottle. Your  face instantly turned red, at least that was what you felt - your cheeks caught fire and there was nothing you could do about it. You tried to finish your point and rushed down the story, leaving the rest of the group a little confused by that abrupt ending.

While the others moved to the living room with the popcorn, you poured yourself a large glass of wine and took a deep sip. You had almost made a fool of yourself, just because this handsome and cocky footballplayer had watched you. You had to be more careful with your thoughts. Didn’t you use to say you had standarts? But did your guts have standarts? You knew, your mind wanted someone smart and classy and interesting. So why did your stomach drop like several floors down at the sight of his stare?

“So we’re here drinking on our own, are we?”

You shrinked at the smooth voice behind you and quickly turned, just to see that it belonged to the guy you were thinking of a second ago. As if he knew he had caught you thinking of him, you blushed again.

“Just making sure the wine’s okay”, you managed to answer and, in a manner you thought to be both ironic and casual, you took another sip from your glass.

“Hmm, may I?”, Griezmann said and reached out for your glass. He took a sip, pointed his lips in an hilarious way and swallowed. “Oh, not bad. Not bad at all. I presume it is dated by the time of Louis XIV himself, for it makes the sun shine on your face.”

You snorted with laughter. “Is this a quote from Shakespeare or something or did you just come up with that yourself?”

With a smirk on his perfect face, he handed you back your glass. “Which possibility would make you think higher of me? Probably the quote, as you’re constantly reading. And what’s your subject again? Philosophy?”

“It is”, you admitted. “But I embrace far more an original new thought, because it’s proof of creativity and independance of thought.”

“Really? I thought you dind’t like new things?”

You blinked. “How come you think that lowly of me?”, you asked and took another nervous sip out of your glass, while you intended it to look casually. He couldn’t be implying your aversion against the new TV or even himself? He couldn’t be that observing, could he? Or was it you that were so blind?

He grinned and watched you thoroughly. “I’m sorry. Maybe I drew the wrong conclusion.”

Now you were angry. Stupid boy, thought he could mock you, while in fact he was the ridicule.

“Maybe I’m just taking my time to judge”, you snapped. “And allowing myself to exclude new things from my life, if I regard them as being intrusive and un...conductive.” Without looking at him you walked past him into the living room, where the movie was already on. You squeezed yourself on the sofa next to Cynthia and tried to look at Orson Welles in “The third man”.

So it hadn’t just been you thinking low of Griezmann. It was him thinking low of you. And if he was thinking low of you, and you thinking low of him, that in fact made you a lot lower than him. A correct philosophical conclusion. 100 percent on that test, you congratulated yourself. But logic wasn’t helpful in that moment.

You looked at the entrance to the kitchen, where Griezmann stood leaning against the door frame, his eyes on the screen.

[satellite-loved]

10/04/19 Hey Mark hyung, My mom just called me to tell me I have to consider being frugal. This month’s electricity bill came and maybe the fact that I’ve set up the air conditioner to its maximum for most of the past few weeks added too much in the total. Out of habit, my excuse. She said I should maybe save up now that the bills will all be on me until I find a new flatmate. I have been looking. I set up an announcement on one of the university group pages on Facebook but I guess no one really needs a room halfway into the semester. Hey, that was a shitty move you did there - leaving midway and leaving me to pay up all the expenses for a room for two that I can barely afford. That was foul. Now I can’t do retail therapy or else I’ll be demoted. I can feel a cold coming up with this negative temperature. I wonder how this calmed you and your Canadian ass. Anyway, you're weird. We've gone through this. Who goes away and moves continents just because their roommate AND best friend 'accidentally' drunk confessed? Weird. Anyway, fuck you. Anyway, I'll get my revenge one way or another. Pick up your phone some time. Donghyuck - 11/11/19 Hey Mark Hyung, I never got any letter back. Just in case you kept your response under your pillow to mull over every single night trying to decide whether you're sending it or not. You never sent it and I'm still waiting. Donghyuck - 12/01/19 Hey Mark Hyung, Finally got a new roommate. Boo you. Advance Merry Fucking Christmas to me. His roommate moved out too but for respectable reasons unlike yours and happened to scroll down to my month old Facebook post. Who knew they are many fuckers out there who leave a semester midway which then leaves many angels out there looking for new flatmates. Anyway, his name's Jeno. Bet you don't know any Jenos, he's got a unique name. He's my age and he looks like a cat but is allergic to them even though he owns 3! You may have seen him around if you look at my socials which in fact I know you do. We've been getting along well. He's kind of unfunny, sometimes even worse than you but at least he's here to help me with the bills and eat dinner with me everyday. Weirdly, I don't get used to eating alone. Donghyuck - 12/10/19 Hey, It's the last day of finals and I'm pretty sure I flunked that but at least Jeno came to pick me up and brought me to this good ramyeon place. He said at least I tried my best. Who knows a miracle comes and I somehow get to pass? Did you even get back to college yet or you sat this semester out and waited for the following year? If you did, I hope college's treating you right. I bet you're doing fine if you did. You always do. Take care, Donghyuck - 12/25/19 Hey Mark hyung, Jeno confessed to me and you know what I did? I didn't run away. Donghyuck - 12/31/19 Here's the summary of the story: Jeno's roommate never left. His boyfriend who coincidentally is Jeno's close childhood friend decided to move in with him which meant Jeno being kicked out of their flat. Both of their decision. The roommate being a 'kind person' found my old Facebook post about looking for a new flatmate. It so happens that roommate remembers me as I quote "Jeno's first college crush". We apparently took the same Bio lecture during my first semester. You know that class, that one where we skipped our college lecture for the first time because I suddenly felt dizzy and almost fainted and you took care of me. That one. Anyway, he must have been in a different lab. Point is, his old roommate set it up and now we're here. Jeno said he likes me but not to feel pressured to return his feelings. He just simply wants me to know is all. He even asked if I wanted him to move out which I said no, of course. I can't live frugally and he's well, he's kind and a good company. I don't even know why I'm telling you all these. Do you even read every letter I've sent? Or this goes straight to the trash bin as soon as you receive it? Anyway, that's the story. Just tell me to stop sending you these and I will. Donghyuck - 1/14/2020 Jeno and I went on a date. I have to stop thinking what it'll be like if it were you instead. That's unfair to him and unfair to me too. Donghyuck - 2/14/2020 Hey Mark hyung, this is what I have learned these past few months: you were never coming back. Writing to you was pointless and I wasn't rich enough to throw away my life and fly wherever you are. In Canada or in New York or wherever it's cold and snowing. Maybe I thought it will bring you back. Maybe I just wanted to get mad at someone. Maybe I just wanted someone to share what's on my mind without the brain to mouth filter. You were that someone because you were close, because you knew me best, because you understood me and despite not at times, you let me be. I'm trying to make peace with it now. I talked about you with Jeno and he listened. Sometimes it just happens. You lose people or they go away. Don't get me wrong, it was still too much for you to move continents. The normal would be to just move rooms or as far as move universities. Was I that distasteful? The answer is no of course but it would've been nice to hear that from you. This is the last one. Whether you read just one, or none or all of them, it doesn't matter anymore. Just hit me up when you're back in Seoul I guess. You owe me at least 2 months worth of electricity bill. Take care.

[end of chat] ---- [new chat from Lee..] 2/15/2020 Hey Donghyuck....-

[jlf23tumble]

Ud be top teir fic hustler bet lolol. As far as the rec maybe I'm asking for more than 1 thing? So on the one hand for hl canon or au doesn't matter just some fics where they're exploring kink; being inexperienced and working through that? Then fics that give that vibe/air, like wankerville (Hush is in my top ten so good) but yes def fics like that too. To be fair any pairing is fine I can always nope out but as this point I trust ur opinion so if you like it, I prolly will too xo

Holy smokes, this is a lot to pack into one ask, but I can definitely answer it/provide some stuff! I feel like a lot of these are going to cross over, so look for some detailed notes below!

Okay, let’s start with authors who have a specific tone to their writing that’s absolutely dreamy and swoony, who elevate text to literal works of art, and funnily enough, who are ALSO some of my faves because they tend to do the best with kink exploration and negotiation, my GOD, I could wax on about this topic all the livelong day. Ahem. Anyway, here are ten authors to absorb because they’re a hashtag mood (in no particular order):

wankerville

objectlesson

blake

eleadore 

mediaville

HappyPrincess

glasscushion

14hrflight

TheCellarDoor

vondrostes and tomlinzn (this last one is a cheat of a double up because most of their individual works are not on ao3; Terran = patreon, Hima = tumblr)

Now let’s look at some kink exploration fics. NOTE: I would literally rec everything Phoenix/objectlesson has ever written because she’s so brilliant at this particular theme, ditto everyone else on that list, too, so just assume the list below includes everything from the people up above as well. I literally think I could rec thousands, or that I have??? But I’ll pull it in, lmao:

Lay So Still, by yougotmetieddown, 3k words, E. Harry’s almost there but he needs Louis to push it further, just a bit further. Because it’s good, it’s damn near perfect but there’s still something missing, and Harry’s not above begging, never has been when it comes to Louis. (Harry likes being used; this is the first time)

like poison coursing through me, by orphan_account, 4k words, E. Louis loves it when Harry’s desperate. Or, the one with copious dirty talk, Daddy Louis, and Harry wetting himself in the shower. (yeahhhhh for multiple kinks!! but mostly desperation, and it’s lovely how Louis gets Harry on board with this one)

it’s warmer from worlds away, by sarcasticfluentry, 4k words, E (needs ao3). It turns out that searching the word ‘pump’ mostly returns videos like “tight ass pumped hard by black cock,” which is not what Harry’s looking for, at least not today….or, Harry discovers a new kink while Louis isn’t home. (one of my fave authors, and the way Louis’s involved over the phone is a chef’s kiss moment)

Your Serve, by larrymylove, 4k, M.  The one where the boys take up playing ping-pong back stage, and the image of Louis with a paddle is making Harry’s life difficult; even more so when he comes home to find Louis’ bought a ping-pong table of their own. (here for Louis being oblivious for a good long while)

Only Thing That Can Quench My Thirst, by eyesofshinigami, 6.5k words, E.  Louis wouldn’t exactly call it a thing, his newfound fascination with the curly trail that starts below Harry’s bellybutton and disapears into his skinny jeans. It’s definitely not a thing. It’s just… Alright, maybe it’s a thing. And that’s okay. (internal screaming, this is the fic that launched the pubefest…and I actually got to chat with the author the other day about it, dreams can come true!!!!)

I May Be Crazy, Don’t Mind Me, by ShapeOfLou, 8.3k words, E.  The one where Harry keeps seeing things that make him want to try something new in bed, but he worries about how to tell Louis or how Louis will feel about it. (mpreg kink? yes PLEASE)

horizontal like a quarter to three, by orphan_account, 8.7k words, E.  The worst part is that Louis just wants to get really rough with him. He’s wanted it right from the start, and it doesn’t make sense, because Harry’s always been so gentle and understanding and sweet, and yet all Louis wants to do is fuck him up. (stumbling together into some bdsm dynamics)

into another (another) serotonin overflow, by mercutionotromeo, 11k words, E. Harry wants this year to be different - wants it to be the year that he finally gets over this stupid crush. He’s going to uni, he needs to decide what he wants to do with his life. Instead, he’s deciding what he wants to do to Louis Tomlinson (this is so hot and sweet all at once, lots of kinks explored)

sweet harmony series, by colourexplosion, 12k words, E (needs ao3 account).  louis leaves his laptop open on his bunk. harry finds it. and his porn. (more desperation and exploration of pee kink, yer welcome!)

Make a Dime Go One Hundred, by screwstyles, 17.8k words, E. “Hey, Haz,” he says, encouraged in equal parts by the weed and the cocoon they seem to have created around themselves. “Do you think you could trust anyone enough to have full control over you?” he asks into the night, hoping his sentence won’t break their bubble. It doesn’t, if the way Harry’s eyes meet his is any indication. (Harry volunteers to help Louis experiment with bondage. Things don’t go exactly to plan)

Make Tea, Not War, by adventuring and howdoyouwhisk, 20k words, M. “Hopeless, hopeless flatmate. Would you rather be with one of these guys?”“ Nope!” (Louis attempts to become a better flatmate, much to Harry’s dismay)

precious little thing, by mercutionotromeo, 21k words, E. There’s a slow, steady inhale, and a low voice purrs, “Hi, sexy.” Jesus - this guy has barely said two words, and both of them have made Harry’s cock twitch in his jeans. (god, I am such a sucker for the phone sex operator trope, you don’t even know, and this is one of the best…multiple kinks explored, too)

Come Out and Play, by dinosaursmate, 29k words, E.  Harry smiled softly. “Say it, Lou.” “I have this fantasy,” he repeated. “Of… all five of us.” “All five of us,” Harry exclaimed. “Gosh.” Or Harry and Louis discover a new kink in their relationship, and it brings all the boys closer than they could have ever imagined. (I hope people read the poly fest…some great works in there!!)

we’re still going, eight in the morning, by noelgallagher and yoursongonmyheart, 31k words, E.  It takes Harry about two weeks to notice. It takes that long because he’s busy in the mornings. While he’s aware of his surroundings, most of his focus is on the flat boxes carefully piled in the boot of his Range Rover. (where Harry’s a baker and Louis’s a DJ, and kinks are explored remotely)

Small Doses series, by QuickedWeen, 45k words, E.  Louis and Harry continue to clash all while Harry is trying to move his way up the ranks in Manchester’s amateur boxing circuit, but they can’t seem to stay away from each other. (lots of kinks explored here)

[nobravery]

The Neighbor — Part. III

a Shawn Mendes Series.

A/N: Here’s Part. III, holy shit it took me forever to write this. Thanks for reading. And feedback always makes me happy. :))) Also tagging @babyshawwn bc of caramels. « PART ONE « PART TWO WordCount: 5,947

In the afternoon, y/n was on her way to go to the library. Alone, because Em wanted to go shopping a bit. The young girl came out of her building and walked. As she was still walking in another street — she wasn’t too far from her destination —, she felt her phone vibrating in her pocket. Em Found some interesting books in town. Shall I buy them? She was still walking when she read the text message. She was about to reply to her friend, when she bumped into someone. « Oh, sorry, she said mechanically. – It’s okay, they affirmed. » But when she raised her head and saw the person’s face, she startled straight away, her heart dropped to her stomach and her expression changed, within two seconds then, turning into surprise and mostly anger. « Chris?! » Actually he hadn’t physically changed. He was still tall, had still brown hair and eyes. Eyes who were staring at her. « y/n?? » He looked as surprised as her obviously. « What… what are you doing there? he carried on. » She clenched her teeth strongly, trying not to hit him. « What are you doing there?! she asked him violently, pointing her forefinger on his chest, pressing it strong enough against him and making sure to hurt him. » He smirked, making her clench her jaw even more. « I’m on vacation, he simply declared. Don’t tell me that you’d already forgotten that my mom was Canadian? She’s actually from Toronto, my family and myself are spending the week there. Happy Canada Day also! » y/n didn’t reply and continued to clench the teeth. « So what about you? Chris questioned. » She stared at him, with angry eyes. « I currently live there, she replied as calmly as possible. – What, you? Are you kidding me? You, there? » Chris let out a guffaw, whereas y/n was beginning to see red. « Not at all, precisely I escaped a freak who broke my heart into pieces. » She was looking askance at him. « I’m with Emily. In her aunt’s condo. Very nice place. – Well; and do you enjoy the city? » She forced a smile, struggling to contain herself. « I loved it, until I see you. – Obviously– » Chris didn’t have the time to finish his sentence, because this time y/n couldn’t contain herself longer and she exploded with rage. It was too much. She couldn’t stand his presence anymore. « Seriously, I can’t believe– I can’t believe that you fucking asshole are just standing in front of me! You’re supposed not to exist for me a-ny-more! FUCK Chris! I can’t believe… Talking to me as if nothing had happened! – Listen, y/n, I'm– – I’m just thinking now, we’d never had a real conversation about this! It was obviously better like that but let me– – y/n, there are actually people looking at us– – I DON’T GIVE A SHIT! she shouted at him. I DON’T FUCKING CARE ABOUT PEOPLE AROUND! I’m only there for a FUCKING YEAR! And you NEED to KNOW how I FELT when I FOUND OUT! » She paused, her lungs looking for oxygen. « I’d been crying and depressed for MONTHS, Christopher! Do you KNOW?? Do you REALIZE how I was THAT hurt??? How could you– I still don’t get it! With her on top of that!!! I LOVED you, I was fucking IN LOVE with you, and you SCREWED UP! You know what? YOU’RE SUCH A DICK. And I DON’T talk to DICKHEADS. Now, I’ll do as if I’d never seen you again! I’ve no more time to lose with you! I’ve other things to do right now! You don’t exist anymore! I’m going to leave before I hit you! Now take a walk! CLEAR OFF! I hope you’re happy with her! Have a nice life!! And don’t forget to say hello to your BITCH for me!!! » With that, she walked away, pushing him with her shoulder. Now she was striding off, wanting to be as far from him as possible. She was holding back her tears, even if it was something very hard. We could think that he had followed her. She thought Chris had followed her, although they hadn’t seen each other again since they had split up. As she walked, she could feel the wind caressing her face. But it actually prevented her from holding her tears back. So she stopped at the corner of the street, to breathe a little and to gather her wits.

SHAWN’S POV I had seen everything from across the street. Or almost everything. I was on my way back to home — I’d spent some time with friends — when I saw y/n with a guy. She seemed to know him, whereas she’d told me Emily and her knew nobody there. Someone from Uni maybe? No, probably not, almost impossible, they haven’t gone to classes yet. Or someone she met at the library? More possible, given that she’d told me that she had met Emily at this place. But whoever she was talking to, she didn’t seem to enjoy his company. I hadn’t heard what they were saying to each other — because obviously I was too far —, but she was definitely shouting at him, gesticulating, and looked very anger and mad. I’d never seen her like this before. I’d stopped when I’d recognized her. She had stopped in the street. I was wondering why even if I had some idea. Without thinking, I walked back, going up to her. As more and more I was coming closer, I slowed down, not wanting to scare her. She was still there. She hadn’t move. « y/n? » She started in surprise. « Oh, Shawn. That’s you. – Yah, of course, who else do you think it might be? » She was crying. No. No. No. « Him, she sobbed, a few seconds after. – Who? » She didn’t answer. She was trying not to cry even more, repressing all her sadness. I’d never seen her like this either before. She didn’t deserve that. She only deserved to r happy, smiling and cheerful as I usually knew her. Doesn’t besides everyone deserve to be happy? « I just… I just want to go home, she declared, choking her sobs. » I nodded and so we made our way back to our building. As she unlocked her door, I told her that I was just next door if she needed me or something else. « No please, just stay. Stay with me a bit. » I furrowed my brows a little, hesitant. « You’re su– – Please Shawn, she insisted. Come in. » I accepted at the end, but I still thought that she really needed to be alone and above all to calm down. I glanced around the living-room. The apartment looked pretty cosy. Not excessively furnished, so there was quite a few space. « Wanna drink something? she offered me but I declined kindly. » She then invited me to sit on the grey couch with her and I must admit that I didn’t know what to do exactly. I let her catch her breath, before trying to hold a conversation. « Is this okay? » She didn’t speak; she contented herself with nodding. « Who was this guy? Did he hurt you? I continued. » She shrugged her shoulders. It really broke my heart to see her that sad. She seemed hurt. A few seconds later, she placed her hands on her thighs, and she finally managed to speak. « It was him. – Who? – Him. Chris. My ex. » I frowned, confused. What was he doing there? « What? How come…? » She shrugged one more time, and she sighed. « I’m sorry if I– – No, she cut me off immediately. It’s not your fault. » I glanced at her hands, those little ones. Slowly I placed my right hand on her left one, holding it. I stroked the back of her hand, gently. « Hey. I’m here for you if you need to talk. Okay? » She approved, and she smiled at me weakly. Shortly afterwards she started talking, explaining to me her why her ex was in the city and her altercation with him. I let her talk, she really needed to get it off her chest. I was obviously hurt inside. Seeing her in this state hurt me. I just wanted her happy. I wanted to makeher happy. « It’s gonna be alright, eh? I questioned. – Yes, I’m trying to forget for the moment. » Then I asked her if she’d be at my home tonight for Canada Day and she confirmed. « I need to be tipsy. » This made me laugh then I smiled just to reassure her, and she did the same. Yes, finally. Her smile was brighter than the sun and I literally loved it. It made me happy. Now we were staring at each other deep in the eyes. I got lost in hers. They were absolutely splendid. She was. I really liked her. It’s crazy, how a person in particular could make you happy even if you knew them for less than a week. How a simple smile or a look could illuminate your day. How you could feel just because they’re just next to you. This feeling of well-being just because of someone. That was the way I felt.

BACK TO OMNISCIENT POV Shawn had just left y/n’s apartment and so she locked the door behind him. One more time, she had spent an amazing moment at his side. This boy was incredible. Both have known each other for only a few days and she already knew she could trust him. He was always here for her, she’ll never thank him enough for that. She hadn’t gone to the library as she had planned. So she made her way to her bedroom and took a book on a shelf, settled on her bed and she ended up by reading. An hour later, Emily was finally back to the condo, still ignoring that her best friend hadn’t actually reached the library and had passed Chris instead. « y/n? You’re home? » The latter joined her flatmate in the living-room. « You’re already back? Emily carried on. » Her friend disapproved, close to tears again. Emily noticed it right away and asked what happened, hugging her. « Chris is there. » Em faced her, put her hand on her own mouth, with widen eyes and a what? expression, and asked for explanations, leading her to the couch. For the second time in an hour, y/n told her everything about her meeting with her ex. « I can’t believe he’s here! the newcomer yelled, losing her temper, pacing up and down. It’s a real curse! I hope you gave him a rocket the way he deserves!!! This son of bitch! » The other nodded in agreement. Her friend tried to calm down. « I hope I’ll never pass him! Or I’ll hit him without hesitation! » y/n smiled sadly. « I passed Shawn as well, she replied then. – Ah uh? Again? Really, you attract both of them or? » She shrugged her shoulders, ignoring the answer to the question. « But he was here for me. He took me home. We talked. It was really good. – He’s always here, it’s incredible. – I know. He’s so… human… » Em noticed her sidekick’s expression on her face while she was talking about Shawn. She could almost see that there was a sparkle in her eye. Her eyes were talking contrary to her lips. « Hm… You like him, right? » y/n turned to look at her, frowning a little at her mate. « No. » The other exploded with laugh. « You liar. But never mind, I know you’ll never admit it. Enjoy. I’m glad you both are close and that you get on very well. » With that, she joined her room, leaving y/n on the living-room. The latter waited for Em to be completely in her room, before going up to the balcony. She needed some fresh air at the moment. Once she was there, she looked away, facing the usual view. She didn’t take her eyes off the buildings, until she felt her phone vibrating in her pocket. She grabbed it, and saw, among the notifications from her social media, the text message she just received. Shawn Turn your head! She complied, turning her head to the right. Giving her a wave, from far, he was on his balcony as well, but for how long? He looked as if he was watching over her, and so she felt touched. She had a smile on her face, and he smiled back at her. They were admiring each other, even from far, more than the wonderful view in front of them.

The evening had come rapidly and both Emily and y/n were preparing themselves for going to their neighbor’s place. They knew that there were some of Shawn’s friends who were already arrived, because they had heard them coming. Emily couldn’t wait anymore to have fun and meet some other people, interacting with them, whilst her best friend was rather in the mood to think about alcohol this time. Ten minutes later, they were eventually ready and knocked at Shawn’s door. The latter opened it to them, and he smiled widely as soon as he saw his two young neighbors. « Hey! he greeted joyfully. Hi Em! Hello again, y/n. Come in! » They entered his apartment, where there were already a few people inside. « Look what we brought for the night, y/n said to him, holding a small box out to him. I hope you guys like these. » So he took it, opened it and his face broke into a grin when he realized what it was. « Caramels! he exclaimed. Thank you! You shouldn’t have! – Yah I know this might be weird, but Em and myself are suckers for those candies, there are probably the best thing that the world know, and it makes me feel better to be honest. » He glanced at her, his gaze meeting hers. « Is it okay? – Yes. I feel better, thanks for asking. » Then y/n couldn’t help staring at his shirt. His red shirt. « It's… original, she said. I love it. Good choice. » He chuckled, before thanking her. Then he introduced his two neighbors to his friends, who seemed very nice in their eyes. « Happy Canada Day, y'all! Emily cried. And nice to meet each one of you. » They were having fun right now, and everyone seemed to like the caramels Em and y/n had brought. They had gone on the terrace, taking pictures and contemplating the luminous CN Tower in front of them. They were just proud to be Canadian and to belong to this country, this night so was the opportunity to celebrate the day devoted to it. Hours later, they’d come back into the apartment, music playing, still eating and drinking and dancing and more. As y/n was chewing her umpteenth caramel, beer in the hand, her flatmate, with her beer too, came to her. « All’s right? » She just nodded by way of answer. Several feet away, Shawn was staring at them while drinking some beer and he winked his eye at them. As she noticed it, y/n moved her head from left to right out of despair, with a weak smile. Next Emily left her, and the moment she did, he came closer to y/n. « Having fun? he asked her, standing next to her. » She approved with a hum, glancing at her bestie who apparently had a good talk with one of Shawn’s friends. « ‘think she’ll be on the floor before the end of the night, she commented. As usual. » The others were coming back to the huge terrace, Emily including, so both Shawn and y/n followed, going past the caramels scattered on the table. « Did you taste them? she asked him, pointing the candies with her chin. – Well, don’t hate me, but actually not yet. » She pouted, and stopped him. « ‘kay, you will, in front of me. Wait. » She walked a few steps, reaching the table and grabbed two caramels. She removed the wrapper from one, and took the candy between her thumb and her forefinger, placing it just in front of the boy’s eyes. « Open your mouth now, she demanded. » He complied without hesitation. So she brought the caramel closer to his mouth, and he took it between his teeth, and she removed her fingers. « You’re such a greedy pig, she said as he chewed. » He shrugged his shoulders, still chewing. « That’s fucking good! he declared. » A smile played across y/n’s lips, so he grinned back at her, getting himself lost in her eyes. These hazel eyes he had already seen numerous times. Then she went back on the terrace with the others when she joined her best friend, who was still deep in conversation with the same guy. So she joined the talk as well, while glancing over at the skyline just in front of them. Much later, hours after, everyone was on their way back to their home. It was such a good night and the two flatmates really had fun. The girls were going up to their respective rooms, when y/n stopped, sitting on her bed. « Fuck, we forgot the box. » Emily got changed, and was now already lying on her bed, whilst her friend met her in her room. « Dude, we forgot the box. – Hm? It’s just a box, y/n, the other retorted. We don’t care, you’ll take it tomorrow. It’s very late now. Let’s sleep, I’m tired. – Yah you should sleep. You’ve drunk quite a lot of beer and stuff. » Em saw her bestie leaving, but not to her bedroom. « Where are you going? – Getting back the box now, because I know I’ll forget otherwise, y/n justified. This is my box furthermore. I’m coming back, it’s just next door, I’ll be prompt. Good night, Em. » But the latter didn’t reply, consequently y/n assumed that she just fell asleep right away. She then passed her doorstep, locking the door behind her, reached her neighbor’s one and knocked. He answered the door about ten seconds after, and he didn’t look surprise to see her. « I was pretty sure you’d come back, he declared. » He invited her to come in. He grabbed the small box which was still on the table, and held it out to her. « Thank you. I hope you kept the last caramels. » He just sent a little smile to her by way of answer, and nodded in agreement. « It was an amazing party and your friends are nice. Thank you again. – Glad you enjoyed. » Then the young girl noticed that he wasn’t about to go to bed. « You’re cleaning, right? Want me to help? – No, thanks, no need. You should sleep, it’s late. » But she refused categorically. « As well you should. It will go faster together. – It won’t be so long, so you should let me do it. But if you insist. » With that, y/n helped him to clean up the living-room, putting the stuff away and putting the room and the terrace in order. Nearly fifteen minutes later, everything was finally clean. It was as if nothing had happened there. Shawn and y/n were facing each other now, on the large terrace that they had cleaned at last, being about to say goodbye. « Thanks for your help, y/n. – No problem. Just a small gesture because you were here for me this afternoon. » The young boy smirked, looking down and remembered the day. « Ah yes. I find this natural though. » Then he raised his head, allowing him to look at his neighbor in the eyes. He honestly could stare at her like that for hours. He would never grow tired of admiring her this way. Same for her; she was getting lost in his eyes. These eyes which were staring at hers. He showed a real baby face this time. This same time, he couldn’t wait anymore. He couldn’t contain himself anymore. Slowly, his face came closer to hers, him gazing at her lips quickly. He became too close. He had never been so close to her face before this moment. Step by step, he could see each detail, each feature of her soft skin, even through the night. Then it finally happened. His lips were moving with hers. They were really soft and tasted like alcohol obviously, due to tonight. Still slowly, he placed his hands on her flushed cheeks, then went down and found her forearms as she grabbed his shoulders. A few seconds after, he broke the contact and stared at her deep in the eyes again. « Fuck, I’ve been waiting for this, he whispered as their noses were brushing. » He smiled against her pinky lips. « I thought I was the only one who felt this way, she confessed. » With these words, he sent a little smile to her; he didn’t hesitate anymore and crashed his lips against hers one more time. Their tongues were dancing together for awhile, still slowly. Then Shawn’s hand found y/n’s nape and he stroked it gently. She broke the kiss, and looked down, breathing. He placed his forehead on hers, while their noses were still brushing. « I ought to go now, she murmured. » Shawn shook his head by way of disapproval. « No, no, stay. – But yourself you just said earli– – Fuck what I said, he cut her off, forget that. I just want to be with you, I need you. » She could feel his breath against her lips. Forehead against forehead, noses brushing, he was still stroking her cheek delicately; she closed her eyes, collecting her wits. « Don’t leave. Stay with me, he begged her. Please. » She was hesitant about this. But she finally gave in and contented herself with kissing him again. Next she led him inside his own flat before he shut the picture window behind them. He gently pressed her against the wall, starting kissing her neck as she threw her head back a little. As he moved to the other side of her neck then to her collarbones, she found the hem of his shirt to pull him closer. He kissed her lips again, lingering on them, and right away his large hands reached her hips, gliding under her sleeveless tshirt. It was tickling her, but she really loved his touch. Likewise, her hands pushed his shirt up a bit, and they glided on his back. He whimpered weakly against her mouth and then he broke the kiss, both catching their breath. Next y/n planted a soft kiss on his lips, her hands still underneath his shirt. « We should sleep, it’s late, she reminded him. » He shrugged his shoulders, and he brushed his lips against hers. « I don’t want to, he said, pulling her closer. » She didn’t insist; she just closed the tiny gap between their mouths again. Shawn removed his hands from her hips, making her growl a little. And then he started unbuttoning his shirt, exposing his chest to her, and this sent a chill down y/n’s spine. She laid her hands on it; she could feel his heartbeat. His heart was beating wildly. Then they moved to his shoulders, and let the red shirt fall on the floor. Next they trailed down his back, gently rubbing it, as the two neighbors continued to kiss one another. Shawn kept rubbing her naked sides; then he grabbed the hem of her top and within three seconds he pushed it up and removed it, dropping it on the floor. Straight in he kissed her bare shoulders, her collarbones, the crook of her neck. « Come with me, he whispered and she understood as soon as he spoke. » He gripped her thighs firmly, enabling her to wrap her legs around his waist and she ran her fingers through his brown curls. He carried her to his bedroom, still planting some kisses on her face. When they finally reached the room, he shut the door behind them with the aid of his foot.

Y/N’S POV I just woke up. My vision was blurry, therefore I rubbed my eyes to enable me to see properly. I could see the daylight whose beams were going through the window. Actually I couldn’t move a lot right now. Indeed, I was stuck in Shawn’s arms which were wrapping me tightly. He was still asleep, resting next to me, and I could hear some weak snores and sleepy hum slipping out of his mouth. His nose was brushing the crook of my neck, and so I could feel his breath against my skin. I could nevertheless grab my phone which was put down on the nightstand. I had a look at the time, raising my head a bit, and I thought my eyes were going to pop out of my head. Half past ten. « What, already? I murmured to myself. » I then noticed three text messages. From Em. Em Where are you? Em Ah no. I know where you are. 🤔 Em Hope you slept well tho. Count on you to tell me… So obviously she knew what I did. What we did. I rolled my eyes and I didn’t answer the messages, I just put my phone down again, and I rested my head on the pillow. At the moment, I felt Shawn moving, what freed me — finally — from his embrace. « Hmmm… he mumbled in his sleep as he freed me totally, and he was facing away from me now. » I lay on my back and I glanced at him. Or rather at his bare back. As muscular as it might be. I came closer to him, wrapping my left arm around his naked chest. I brushed my nose against his back, and I planted like two or three kisses on it including one for his birthmark on his shoulder. Since he was still sleeping, I closed my eyes again, inhaling his scent deeply. And then I remembered this night. Ours. His body against mine, underneath the fine sheets, kissing every inch of me. I could still hear the moans and the gasps that had rung out in the room. I could still feel his warm exhalations brushing my skin. I still had chills. Incredible. I opened my eyes when I felt Shawn moving and turning around, therefore I removed my arm from him. He was now lying on his stomach, facing me, and I stared at him lovingly. He was so cute while sleeping. He looked so angelic. « Hmmm… he grumbled again. What the fuck—What time is it? he asked with his hoarse morning voice, eyes still closed. – Ten forty-six, I replied. Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up. And I should already be at my home to be honest. » Shawn rubbed his eyes, opening them step by step, and cleared his throat. Then he gazed at me. « Relax, y/n, it’s Sunday right now! C'mon. » I came closer to him. My nose touched lightly his, and he planted a sweet kiss on my lips while holding me in his arms. « Thank you, he breathed. – For what? » He chuckled and smirked, as if my question was stupid — and obviously it was — and that I should have known the answer. « For… for staying. » I just smiled weakly at him. He maybe had just woken up but he was already looking at me with puppy eyes. Fuck. My hand found his scalp and so I ran my fingers through his rumpled hair. He closed his eyes again, enjoying the touch, and I kissed his forehead. He purred like a little kitten and this was probably one of the cutest things I’d ever seen. Then I stopped and he grunted, pouting. « I should go, if Emily ever came and knocked at your door because she knows I’m here– – No, she wouldn't…? – Oh yes she would. Obviously you don’t know her as much as I do. » Shawn hummed next to me, letting his face sinking into his pillow. I got on his back to lay on it, burying my face into the crook of his neck. I then let my fingers wandering his curls. He turned his head towards me, grinning a little and he kissed the tip of my nose. « You really have to go now? Don’t you want to eat something before? » I shook my head no. « I’m not very hungry. I’ll find something at my place quickly. Thank you though. » I managed though to fetch my bra which was still on the floor, and to sit down on the edge of the bed, to put it on. Then I looked around for my shirt, but I remembered that it was still in the living-room, and I sighed loudly at the thought. « Is there a prob? inquired Shawn behind me; I glanced over at him and he was now lying on his back. – No. Just my top which is actually on the other side. » He couldn’t help laughing and smirking after I said this. « Don’t mock at me, you dork, that’s your own fault. » He sat up straight away on the bed and opened his mouth in a o with amazement, just to protest. « It’s not! he denied, about to laugh nevertheless. » I turned my head to look at him and I smirked back. He got closer to me, and he removed my hair from my nape and kissed it, nuzzling my neck gently. Then he took my hand and he intertwined our fingers. « When will I see you again? – That is to say? » He sighed weakly, still stroking my knuckles. « I would really appreciate another date with you, before going back on tour, he whispered in my ear. » I grinned at his speech, but my smile faded when I realized that it will be certainly long. « When will you be back? I asked. – In one month. But just temporarily. » I shook my head a little. « I’ll miss you, I murmured. I’ll miss my favourite neighbor. – So I’m just a neighbor to you? he said to me, holding me tightly, but he perfectly knew I was joking. – That’s not what you are? – In addition, yeah. » I smiled again, looking at our hands. « I’ll miss you too, y/n, he confessed. » We’d been staying like this for almost three good minutes, before I decided to finally get up even if it was hard. I found my pants on the floor and I put it on. Shawn followed me then. When we reached the living-room, I immediately saw my shirt that was still on the floor. I quickened my pace to take it, and I finally slipped it on me. Likewise Shawn put his hands on his red shirt again. Then he came to me, buttoning it. I took over and I buttoned the two last bottom buttons. « So, he started to say, taking my hands in his, what are your plans for today? – Hmmm, I thought, I have to tidy my room and reorganize it, watching some stupid movies with Em while eating popcorn… and I guess I must listen to my neighbor’s songs because apparently it’s worth it. » He smirked as I mentioned him, looking at the ground; then lifted his head towards me. « Good, you’ll love it! » I nodded in agreement. « What about you? I asked back. – Nothing much, just seeing some friends and probably continuing to settle my flat. And writing some lyrics of course. » I smiled at the idea. Next he moved our hands closer to his mouth and he kissed mine. « See you later? » I answered with a nod again, and he freed my hands. I was going up to the door when he called my name. I turned around straight in. « Don’t forget your box. » He held it out to me, and I took it. « Thank you. See ya later! I’m just next door, I reminded him just in case. » He did nothing but approving. With that, I opened the door; Shawn followed me as I passed his doorstep. I sent a last smile to him before he shut the door behind me.

A/N: Tagging @illumendes because… because. Also I haven’t reread the whole so lmk if there are mistakes, typos and stuff. I’m sorry lmao. Once again, feedback is always appreciated but in any case, thanks for reading! ‹333

[letsdiscoverkitty]

Hey Kitty. I'm sorry to bother, I know everybody is coming to with all things University etc. so I hope you don't mind me jumping on the bandwagon. Could you possibly tell me about your experience with moving in day/Freshers week? What kind of activities were on and how did you find your flatmates? I'm very nervous, I'm 21 so hearing how you got on might help me feel a bit more prepared. Thanks for your help! Can't wait to hear all about your University adventures :)

Hey there, of course I don’t mind you asking, I love getting asked questions (especially non-ED related ones!). I am no expert on the Uni process but having gone through a fresher’s/move in, I might be able to shed a little light on what it might involve. Firstly I just want to say that I know you are worried about going and being ‘older’ however I can promise you that there will be many others who are the same or older - that’s the great thing about Uni, there are people from all different backgrounds and no one cares about your age. If I think back to the flat that I was in in York, I was 19 at the time (so I will be 22 this time around), and there were 12 of us and I think, if I am remembering rightly there were 3 or 4 18year olds, 2 of us were 19, then a few were 21 and then there were at least 5 that were over 21! As for how did we get on? there were a few international students who were not as sociable however in general we all got on quite well, I got on particularly well with one girl. We were all on different courses so that was nice too. Twelve was a lot for one flat but it was a huge flat with a massive kitchen that also had a sofa and TV, dinning table and breakfast bar (sadly I think this was pure luxury and from what I saw at Bristol is not the same across the board)

Okay so moving in, from memory I think we had to book a slot for the day that I was given for my move in (each college at York had different move in days to stagger it). I actually got an email from Bristol today telling me that when accommodation is allocated and accepted in late August, you will be able to book a time slot for the day/time that your residence is having move in (it usually happens over a weekend, with international students moving in a bit beforehand). When I arrived we had to queue a little but when we were next in line two or three of the second/third years that were helping out helped me unload my bits and bobs with my parents whilst I went to register at the little desk they had and I was given my ‘welcome pack’ which had my key card in as well as the freshers wrist band I had bought in advance and general bits and bobs about the halls/fresher’s week. Oh and a T shirt :) As I now had my key we all managed to lug all of my belongings up to my flat (I had a top floor flat but it was only 5 stores tall and we were lucky enough to be on the side of the block that had the elevator!). So I put my bits in my room and a few of my other flat mates were arriving so I said hello and then my parents took me out for lunch and to do a food shop/help to get the staples in as it was quite a way to the nearest supermarket. On return I think everyone had now “moved in” and we met with our STYC (second/third year that was assigned to our flat) who talked to us about what to expect from the next few days and tell us what he would do with us etc. That night we had a very quiet first evening and our college (York worked in colleges) hosted a little meet and greet with a DJ in a marquee. Most people were very tired and overwhelmed on this first day so hardly anyone stayed out late, although there were of course a few who did. 

As for the fresher’s week, we had a general timetable that told us what was going on and where (welcome talks, fire safety etc) as well as particular times to go to our new departments to register and pick up key materials/meet staff and students. Other than that we were free to explore and do what we wanted. In the evening we had scheduled ‘typical’ fresher’s evening things. For us this was again done by colleges and some nights the college’s would both have one of the events together to help people to mix. From memory we had a night club underground where you had to dress up as an animal, a toga party, a ‘black tie’ night at revolution, a bar crawl, a night of fireworks/theme park (think coconut shies) ...Personally I had quite a nice experience of freshers, we had a good mix of people in our flat and our STYC was the best. There was hardly any pressure to drink (I rarely drink so maybe had one or two?) and there were a few nights when some of us chose to stay in because we were so tired haha so we missed the bar crawl and the one that was the night after that. I think there is a lot of pressure put on people around fresher’s especially  when ‘everyone’ says that fresher’s is all about the drinking etc and yes there is that element of that, but there are people who don’t want to drink or don’t drink much and there are loads of things for them to do (adding to the fresher’s week I think we had a games night one night when there was also a silent disco going on). 

Other day activities I can remember included the fresher’s fair (where you literally sign your life away to every single society and end up getting millions of emails!) which is good fun, as well as little things run by your department. The first week is about everyone kind of settling in, getting to know a new city and people and ‘finding your feet’. I am not going to lie I was terrified! however it was so much better than I thought it would be and it was fine :) I hope this helps calm your nerves a little? I know every uni will be different so maybe, if you felt like it might help, you could do a little online check to see what they are offering or what they have done in past years. Your Uni will contact you with details a bit nearer the time, and will keep you well informed :) If you feel worried about any of it I would definitely send an email to the relevant department. Anyway, I hope this helped a little and I am wishing you the very best with your uni experience. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself, it will honestly be okay and you can do as much or as little as you want to. Take care xx

[pagesofivy]

So I have something to tell you about Glasgow (which is in two weeks). I apologise if it's a two or maybe three parter as I don't know how long it's going to be. Anyway, on Monday there was a meeting where we got a bit more info about the trip and got assigned rooms since we are staying in a hostel so I'm sharing rooms with several people. I thought I would wait until last to put my name down for a room because there were so many people trying to get rooms with their friends - Lil Noddie 1/?

So I waited until nearly last and went to put my name down for a room. It turns out the people who I thought were my friends have all got a room and there was no space with them for me. It doesn’t help that I was sat in the middle of them all and they were talking about how they are going to share a room with each other which was a bit awkward for me because I was in the middle. Anyway, I saw there was a space left in a room with people I know well enough so I asked

They said yeah sure I can share a room with them. When I told my mum about this, she said she feels worried and upset for me as I haven’t got anyone I can class as a friend never mind a best friend and she said she feels like I’m always getting pushed out and stuff like that. She is right I guess. My flatmates have their own friends and go out with them, I’m always stuck in and yeah the room situation upset me a little bitEspecially since the people who I’m sharing with are best friends so I’m just like that outsider in a way. It’s just so depressing sometimes being alone with no friends. I don’t have friends at uni and I don’t really have any friends back home *sighs* It sucks being a massive introvert who doesn’t really make friends like others. Anyway, sorry for being depressing, Britt. I just needed to tell someone about this since I haven’t really got anyone else to talk to. - Lil Noddie 4/4

Oh Noddie, I’m sorry your friends didn’t try to figure a way to get you with at least one of them and were talking about it around you but not with you. That’s the fucking worst feeling. It really sucks when people you consider friends are all better friends with each other and leave you out of things.

Rooming with people sucks in general, and I really hope the people you room with turn out to be great and include you in everything. However, take the trip and have fun!!! Explore on your own, or find someone else who’s on the outskirts and befriend them! That’s all easier said than done, I know, ‘cause I’ve been there, but it’ll get better.

I relate to what you’re saying. It’s hard making friends, especially when they all have their own friends. It’s hard when your friends all seem to have better friends. Eventually things will settle out. You’ll find some awesome friend(s) and y’all will have a grand time.

People kinda suck though, so like, only being fringe for a while isn’t necessarily a bad thing. You can keep an eye on people and figure out which ones are ones you’d want to be better friends with, or the type of people you would/wouldn’t want to be friends with.I wish I had some kick ass advice that’d give you crazy confidence but just know I know how you feel and I’m here for ya