#and i have a presentation on friday too
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where i am:
where i really want to be:
where i actually have to be:
just. gently lower me into a nice soft hole in the ground and let the worms take me.
#under the cut is just a screenshot of my assignments due lol#kina rambles#snippets#arc ii spoilers#snowstorm vampire au#can this semester be fucking over already#and i have a presentation on friday too#and an extra literature review to do#and so much to catch up on#i think the caffeine is finally kicking in so im gonna go do that but yes hi this is why#there are delays yet again
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Sometimes your Mental Illnessā¢ is kicking your ass and all you can do is offer the first hot, non-leftover meal you managed to prep in the day at 10:30 pm to Apollo & ask for help getting to *and* getting through your appointment tomorrow and that's okay
#the first thing i offered over the past two or three days b/c OOH boy this depression has HANDS#gonna be talking to my psychiatrist about changing meds b/c i think i've finally developed a tolerance to mine & im already on the high dose#so i dont really want to up it any more than it already has been (which is what she suggested last appointment)#i usually at least offer at hot meals but i didnt have the energy for that even#it doesnt help that im recovering from a big work presentation where i ran tech (aka keeping the powerpoints & other visual aids running)#all. day. which *i* offered to do but that doesnt make it any less tiring#...i also think i forgot to offer something to hermes that i was meaning to. gonna have to do that#i *was* planning on doing a tarot check-in on friday but uh. im definitely not in the right emotional headspace for that atm#gonna have to wait for when i can do more than lie in bed all day#listen to your body & brain folks. it's okay if all your energy has to go into riding something out#& you dont have the energy for all the rituals/prayers/offerings/etc that you usually do#coriander says#helpol#hellenic pagan#hellenic polytheism#hellenic community#apollo#my post#mental health cw#depression cw#ive been offering the steam from hot meals to hestia too ofc b/c. you know. first & last#it felt weird not mentioning that somewhere#i *do* offer to just her or to her 'and all the deathless gods of olympus' too
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oh my god i am so pissed
#failed my curly coat bath test i cannot STAND how paragon does their grading shit#'if you have a dog that is difficult to dry it is not a good canidate' I DO NOT HAVE A LOT OF DOGS TO PICK FROM#also i know for a facr that if had taken a picture of a dogs pooped smeared ass without cleaning it#ONLY possible with shaving it was fucking matterld#they would have docked me for that too#oh my god im ao mad they literally dont give you enough time to get anything done#its a six week program and a one week extension im so PISSED#im only here friday and sunday before the deadline we only have like three dogs that would work between now and monday#and with ny fucking luck they wont have enough coat or some bullshit to tell the difference#i HATE how this place trains groomers its nauseating why is it online instead of having someone present to observe me#FUCK
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Illustartion assigment
#2 posts in one day woo#sheerak#I have some stuff I won't post too mostly because i don't like how it looks#please one more day and i can draw blorbos#did presentation on Botw this friday for english class :))
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hiii, how we doing? been doing good i hope, or at least as well you can be with school and all. ik how it is cuz its really stressing me out. im also moving schools, along with having to still take a test at my old school a week after ive already moved. which makes no sense to me and is really annoying but whatever.
i havent really been doing much on tumblr at all tbh, way too busy and kinda out of motivation. i hope you're doing way better though, cuz i now your gonna be crushing it all.
remember to get some sleep, to eat and stuff, cuz my eyebags are so dark my brother thought i put makeup under my eyes lol
-luv ya
HAI! I've been doing good, just always busy and tired as you've guessed š
I hope you transition into your new school nicely! i know that can be pretty hard and lonely, but most importantly take some time to yourself and do something relaxing, and don't worry about tumblr rn (i mean, i come here like once a week SO DON'T FEEL BAD, you are more important!!) š«¶ (also YEA. i hate tests. HATE.)
Remember to take care of yourself too, and GET YOUR SLEEP HOURS IN!! telling you rn... being sleep deprived in class is not fun... go eep.
#smooches talks#luv ya anon#i feel ya... november is always the worst month of college too...#was just hit with 3 exams on one day (i may have bombed them too but i think a lot of other ppl did)#multiple projects + 15 min presentation on Friday...#i am in the trenches ...#btw i still have all those asks u sent me that i treasure dearly and will respond to them once the semesters over.... gently holding them#i remember when i was younger i once switched schools too#i was sad but thankfully everyone there was nice
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Somebody please shoot me with a real gun if I donāt work on my damn speech tomorrow
#itās literally due Friday and then I present like second on Monday. I need to do it before Thursday night bc I KNOW Iām gonna be hungover as#shit on Friday. bc I know myself. and I donāt want to have to do it hungover bc then Iāll kill myself#so I have to finish it by Wednesday. which I can do if I like. do it. I just donāt want to. and idk why#like I started this with like. multiple times just googling for hours but now i just get deeply sad when I think about it instead of angry.#but Iāve done too much to pivot topics now so. weāll fucking see#maybe Iāll go to the coffee shop near campus after class tomorrow to trick myself into needing to focus on class and not bullshit.#comms class from hell#<- this isnāt even the profs fault I didnāt have to choose a topic that would make me sad it just is for this class
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i'm so scared for london ngl
#i just checked the website of the conference and saw my name and the time and room i will be presenting š it's real besties#the thing about london. a VERY expensive city#i've looked the flights and it's not so bad. it's around 70ā¬ (both flights combined)#the thing is. the hotel#that's gonna be rough#i tried seeing if i can fly into and out of the city on the same date#but unfortunately i can't do it :(#cause my presentation is at 10 am and the earliest flights from verona leave at that time so lol#i think what i'll do is fly to london on thursday#sleep there on thursday night#and on friday (when i present) afternoon i'll leave#i can do that there's a flight at 7 pm#i have to see if there's trains from verona to trento at like 10 pm but there should be right ??? it's not too late
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thinking abt taking friday off to go to this meet my uni will be at and also to just like . recover from nearly four weeks of sleeping on an air mattress and having No Alone Time . like turns out the limit of my extroversion is one month where the only time i get alone is when im sleeping bc ive suddenly and abruptly reached the point where im abt to LOSE IT
#pros of taking time off: recover. see friends i havenāt seen since september!! cheer for the women racing#cons of taking time off: i have to take time off. also like ill see my friends saturday bc im gonna go that day too#also my coworker has a big presentation friday morning (virtual tbf) that i want to see#and i havenāt been set up to work from home yet
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Wow, today has been. Rough. Was working on school stuff for about 10 hours straight. Woke up early to work on my essay (and stayed up late to work on my essay), so I only got Maybe 5 hours of sleep... and then I went to class, where I worked on my project due on Wednesday. It's mostly done. Then I sat and wrote for nearly 6 hours straight. Did finish the essay. Missed the time to turn it in today though. So I emailed my professor and asked if it'd be fine to turn it in tomorrow. And also offered to send a digital copy if he'd like. No reply yet, but it'll probably be fine.
I am... so, so tired...
#speculation nation#but the biggest thing is out of the way...#i also have to do a reflection thing tonight. im going to at least eat and rest first.#and i have an assignment due tomorrow around 1:30 (probably).#ive written all the words i have to write today so thatll have to be done in the morning. Wooo waking up early again.#gonna try to go to sleep earlier too tho to offset it.#then i have presentation on wednesday... midterm for another class i Think? this week. need to check on that.#and then normal weekly reflection and quiz due on friday.#guys how did i ever survive full time school while also working a job. im dying.#(i know how. I Did Bad In School. lol.)#im fuckin dying But i havent missed an assignment Yet (aside from the quiz i forgot a few weeks back)#(not to worry lowest quiz grade gets dropped. so i just have to be sure not to miss Another.)#in better news next week is october break. please please please i need it so bad#just gotta get thru this week and then i can truly rest. just a little longer
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finished w school for the next 40 days moodboard
#this has been a text post#got a 98% A on my french final and iām p sure the english grade will be good too!#i might make the deanās list for the third time!#other daley bawnjourno wins today are as follows:#received sparks art trade and out of print vinyl in mail#have a week off work starting on friday#saturday i get to go to st louis and give my friend her presents#finished my journal and started a new one#and oh yeah hit 46k on my wip last night#everythingās coming up milhouse!
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mmmmrrrrggghhhhhhh slow day
#catfish speaks#i did not get nearly half the things i wanted to accomplish done#part of it is cos i need more fabric for the bottom half of this coat#and that's not a hard find but it does mean i have to wait until nexy week when i get paid to buy it#and so i couldn't do rhe bottom but tbh the top half has SO much to it#and then i just. took forever to get anything done#also got groceries today which probably didn't help#but fuck i did not accomplish very much#and im scared im going to be crunching#i haven't even gotten halfway on the owlbear#and in my head i can whiz through all the steps and figure it out easily but oh boy#actually doing it is. different#i am just. very tired#god i want to get these cosplays done so badly#and ideally not have to crunch too hard#hrghhhh we will see#have a cup of tea and rest#then get back to what i can do today#and hey i have a lot of sick leave. i could. take a day off to jusy try and catch up#we'll see.#the good thing is thay i do currently have the leave to go to pax and will be able to get more from here on#so im good there#it's organised its just a bit tight#and of course im very tired this week and have a million things on so naturally i agree to go to a party on friday#im excited but aurhjisjajai man i love cramming my schedule don't i#reminds me i need to finish that present
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i just need to make it to shabbat i just need to make it to shabbat i just need
#šµāš«šµāš«šµāš«#short response due tmrw ; seminar presentation potentially tmrw WHICH I ONLY JUST REMEMBERED ; short seminar quiz to do before friday ;#latin club āhomeworkā which im probably gonna tell my friend i cant continue w bc my weekly workload is already too overwhelming w 3 courses#+ i have to have by thrice yearly lunch w my evangelical godmother which means 3 hour convo half dedicated to getting me to abandon judaism#and half to getting me to repent my sinful homosexual ways and go back to being a nice straight girl#all of which is going to happen in public and she WILL tear up at multiple points of the conversation and it WILL be supremely awkward#when people inevitably start eavesdropping bc let's be real if i were at a cafe overhearing this convo i would be listening in too#and everyone's like 'ugh why dont you just tell her to fuck off' but im the only trans person and the only observant jew she has ever met#two groups against which she already has so many preconceived notions so like. idk it feels like my responsibility#as someone who knows her and who she acc cares about (vs a stranger) to try and give her a different perspective on these things ???#like if me being patient and calmly explaining why i transitioned/why i converted can stop her even slightly from sliding even further right#(and like she's Right Wing like covid denial right wing)#and if it might mean the next trans person or whtvr that she interacts with has it slightly easier then like. sure j can sit through#a couple irritating hours every few months#but its just suuuch a shit time for it like im meeting her thursday after class when i have a massive fucking assignment to hand in on sat#which FUCK gotta add that to the list#ā annotated bibliography due saturday aka friday bc shabbos#okay okay. im done losing my mind in the notes šµāš«šš»#p.s.
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I need to distance myself from this one guy because he keeps genuinely asking me if Iām ok and itās like bitch Iām trying to get work done here not be honest and possibly break down
#vt.talk#I am fine and he is a nice guy#itās just that I am fine until someone asks. so if you donāt ask Iām still fine#so really heās making me unfine#(itās mainly that the thing thatās preventing me from breaking down is by living day to day)#(if you make me think about the r fact that thereās so much we shouldāve gotten done already that is due tmrw. and i have two hws tmrw.#and lectures to catch up on cause Iām sick. and he on Tuesday plus lab. and two midterms to prep for. and system safety documents to finish#on Thursday. and a presentation outline to help with by Friday. and i need to get ahead with content because i am in fact gonna be gone in#two weeks for two weeks#and I need to prep for that)#and thereās a lot of little things along the way too#just like. donāt make me think of it all or else Iāll get upset
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I really hate the last week of school it's so slow but it's also so stressful and you never have enough time to get things done??? Like in less than a week I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna be writing a paper but I'm gonna be home and I just want to be in my bed š
#I'm like āOh I don't have any time to do anything!ā me when I literally have Tuesday Wednesday Thursday off#and Friday is literally like an hour or two of my day#OUUGH I probably need to make a presentation too now that I think about it this is so stupid i hate this project#anyways girl went āThis artwork is replacing your final paperā sick cool#Anyways she added a 3-4 page paper with a minimum of 4 sources to it without saying anything until like last week
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i'm not gonna lie y'all, i did fuck all on monday, but I've done somewhere between 12k and 17k words worth of work tuesday and today, so i'm feeling pretty good about productivity this week
here's to the writing gods, who are letting me get shit done right now š„
#don't get too excited#a decent chunk of that word count is just variables changing up very similar scenes#depending on how the variables are presenting it can be easier to code separate passages rather than separate if statements#for ease of both writing and formatting#so that inflates the word count a little bit#but i just finished a variable passage that gives CAIT some more agency#which i love#i eat up the tension between CAIT and MC when they have a disagreement#can't wait for that to come back around#i'm hopeful i will be able to finish this particular branch by friday
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hi!! i got 87 from biology
#it went much better than i expected for being on my period + not having studied anything whatsoever except this morning#and!! the presentations been delayed to /after/ the break! i am free until ramadhan is over#and also my god........ after friday i am free forever. what a beautiful life to fantasize about(<-will happen tomorrow)#on the terrible news side though i got a 58 from math. aheem heem whimper etc it was very distressing but im fine now (too tired to be/#/distraught)#šrambling
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