#and i have a feeling im going to get urine tested

[foxyloueh]

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[mercurialmilk]

..

[shinsouscatpisssmell]

Other woman

Pt.2

"Hey you there?!I-I'm pregnant." You sniffle into the phone. Eyes red and swollen from crying since you came home from the doctors' appointment. The one person who held your heart. The father of your future child was dead silent on the other end making the pit of anxiety that was in your stomach grow bigger. It makes your mind drift as you subconsciously rub your stomach.

To think it all started with just a few words.

"Hey you lost?" You look up at the the dark haired male who's hand is on your shoulder. Shaking you out of your thoughts.

"No, I just came looking for my friend. You might know him. He's name is Atsumu Miya? I'm trying to surprise him but I can't seem to find him." You place the picnic basket down and crack your back and hands from the heavy basket.

"You just missed him. He left like 5 minutes ago." You could feel his eye roll even though his face remained stoic as he huffed barely for you to hear it.

"Are ya serious? Imma kill that 'samu. Always givin' me the wrong information." you storm off to the double doors and tap your foot with heat to it pressing your phone against your ear.

" 'samu? Imma kill ya when i see ya just so you know. What do ya mean what do i mean? 'tsumu isnt here! Ya said they would still be practicin'. Im breakin all yer windows. What? Hes there? Ok ill see ya in 5. Better keep yer lips shut tight so this surprise aint spoiled. And fuck no my accent aint slippin." you press the end bottom and take a few breathes in and our before making you way over to the fox like man.

"thank you i found him. You can keep the basket...?" You pause for a name while handing him the brown woven basket.

"Rintaro. Suna rintaro" he said as he takes the basket from you making you smile.

"well rintaro. Suna rintaro. I better be going before I miss him again. I hope we cross paths again." Letting out giggles as you scamper away leaving the brown haired boy craving your presence more.

And more is what you gave.

It started when he asked for your name and number when you came with Osamu to one of his games. Looking so pretty in your jeans hugging your curves and cropped shirt. Soon becoming an inside joke between you two that pressed the boundaries of friendship and turned it into one of lovers.

"you're so beautiful (y/n). I want to marry you one day." he makes this promise under the moonlight laying kisses om your hands and rubbing your knuckles so tenderly like you were only his. Only meant to fit this two person sized puzzle.

It was two months later you started feeling sick. Throwing up with your tummy cramping from here to here and feeling like you would pass out. You waited to see blood appear due to it possibly just being the chance of your first day period cramps. It never showed up and a week past the day it was scheduled to start it never did.

This made you rush to the hospital with your two best friends in tow. asking the doctor if you had some sort of zombie disease making you throw up everything you eat.  He takes some of your blood and urine to test.

It seemed like hours before the test were done.

"all im sayin' is why did he have to take both yer blood and piss. Hes either a vampire or he has a piss kink.maybe both" atsumu comes up with his conspiracy theory as he gets smacked in the back of the head by osamu.

"He aint got no damn piss kink and he aint a vampire. Yer the reason why (y/n) asked that stupid ass question about zombie diseases." He clicks his tongue before going back to holding your hand rubbing it to calm you down.

"Well 'smau. Ya never know?! They're some real sickos out there that wants to get ahold of someone like , (y/n)'s, piss." He rubs the back of his head, "speakin of piss where'd Suna piss off too?"

"He hasn't been picking up my calls. I know he goes M.i.a sometimes but I'd rather have him here then piss kink boy." You laugh snuggling into Osamu's side as he makes you scoot over so he could sit on the bed with you.

"Watch. He's gonna come in here talkin only about your blood and it'll show yer doctor does indeed have a piss kink." He turns his nose upward and hmphs.

"C'mon and cuddle me 'tsumu. I need my piss hair friend to cuddle me with comfort." Osamu joining with you in laughing as his twin begrudgingly comes over grumbling.

There's 3 knocks on the door before you announce that they may enters. The doctor with the clipboard and a packet of stapled paper with material that clued to her side.

"We did some test on your blood and you're urine and congratulations ms.(l/n) you are pregnant." It felt like time stopped. The twins could feel you tense up.Atsumu coughing up a storm after swallowing his saliva the wrong way but still trying to comfort you while Osamu listened to what else the doctor said, " this is a packet of information on pregnancy. It contains what can and cannot be eaten,Exercises that would help , and trimester information. Right now she is still in first trimester and needs to be very careful with things and stress for they could be harmful to the babies."

"what about a-abortion?" you look at her with watery eyes as she look at your dishevled apperance.

"that is an option ms.(l/n). Take your time and consider it over and if you still want to go through it. We will set up a date when you come back." The doctor hands over the document and leaves the room.

You wait until she leaves to turn into a sobbing mess leaving stains onto Astumu's shirt who pats your back.

"cmon now (y/n). Ya heard the doc crying ain't good for you or the baby." you sniffle and dry your face letting the disgusted face of Atsumu make you laugh quietly.

"Are you gonna tell suna? He is the father right?" samu asked getting swatted by his twin.

"of cours' hes the father you tryna say my best friend hussy?"

"no you idiot. Im sayin' suna aint always around so maybe she looked for other people."

"yer calling her a hussy dumbass."

"piss hair."

"yer onigiri sucks."

And thats how you end up calling suna 12 times since you came back home. Silently crying as each time it went to voicemail was a stab in the gut while the knife twisted. You gave up after the 12th one just laying next to your phone bawling your eyes out until 30 minutes pass and you recieved a call for suna.

"Suna? Hey you there?" you called into the phone but only met with silence, "h-hey you there? I-im pregnant suna. I don't know what to do im ao scared. Please come over." you cry into the phone breathe hitching as you are met with a feminine voice.

"What's your name?" you could hear the crack in the female voice.

"my name is (y/n). Are you suna's friend? I-is he there?" you ask scarily heart pumping with adrenaline waiting for her awnser and soon flatlining when she gave it.

"I'm his wife of 2 yrs." she says and you stutter out a sorry and cry to her that you didn't know he was married.

"It's ok ,love. It's not your fault I put all the blame on him. W-would you meet me later this week? So we both can get some closure." You could hear her tears fall making your heart clench as you tell her yes. She hung up as soon as you could hear Suna in the background.

Now you where curled up with a pillow. Sitting alone with the thoughts of you were the home wrecker. The mistress. The other woman in suna's

An// this is a reupload 🫡

[quirkle2]

Id looooove to see your take on the mogami arc…. you write so well :’] Your fics are some of the few I’ll continuously go back to reread and gush over from how well it’s written.

WAUGHHH TY ,, ur actually in luck bc im writing a fic about the direct aftermath of mogami arc Right Now <3 has my own interpretation of it in there to give it a lil spice. here's some fun wip snippets if u want em (animal death mention!):

His father unravels his arms around him when he moves away, and Shigeo all but dives for his brother. Arms dart underneath to catch him, to gather him up when he spills through the gaps of his fingers like water, and Shigeo pours into Ritsu’s arms and ripples there, unsteady and whirlpooling.

-

She needs to let go of his wrist. It hurts—he knows she’s not pressing hard, or pulling at all, or doing anything to make it hurt, but it hurts, and it goes beyond the flesh and hits bone marrow with its density. He thinks of getting tugged by the wrist against his will, shoved down the sidewalk, forced down an alleyway that smelled like copper and cat urine. He thinks of getting manhandled over the edge of the school roof, his life and his body dangling over the precipice by nothing but his arm and one of the stronger kids who’s laugh sounded like wasps buzzing. She needs to let go of his wrist. He stares at where their skin touches and swallows down the bile rising in his throat. “Please—” “I don’t know how I feel about you keeping that job, honey. Reigen’s been testing your curfew and now this—” "Please let go of me,” he whispers.

-

He’d felt bad trying to eavesdrop, but his brother had been crying—had been sobbing—for the first time in five years, and his aura felt hunted. It had pulled his heartstrings to see somebody that was so okay just that morning suddenly come home hours later, desperate for comfort, with an aura that felt like it’d been mangled by teeth. He wanted to study the teeth marks, and identify the animal. He wanted to know what could’ve possibly occurred to make his brother look at him and crumble like that. He wanted to know what could’ve possibly occurred to make his brother say I missed you like that, when they’d seen each other just that morning.

-

"Those kids don’t actually care about you at all, understand?! They’re just having fun mocking someone as wimpy as you!” He’s familiar with rage. He’s felt it plenty, and volcanically. But this is something different. This is something cold, and still. Still is not a word he associates with rage, and yet it works perfectly here—the cells in his mind feel numb with how much of it there is, overdosed beyond functioning and flat on the seabed of his pressurized skull. It feels like he’s sinking his canines into ice, the way an ugly slate grey shoots up the nerves in his face. His knuckles ache with his chest, and it takes everything in him to not snarl his response. “Nobody’s mocking me. And I’m not as gullible as you think.”

[1nternetangelz]

hihi !! new account because i& lost my& last one , but i&ll get straight to the point . this might get into vent territory so i&ll cut it off just in case !!

i& am in debilitating pain 24 / 7 . i& have a high heart rate + high blood pressure , and my& joints always hurt . my& toes , ankles , knees , hips , entire back , shoulders , traps + neck , and the base of my& skull always hurt , with my& sensitive areas being knees , hips , and neck .

along with this , i& am always fatigued . i& wake up around 10 and go to bed around 8 [ when i& can ] , and am never able to fight off my& tired feeling .

after almost two years and two canes later , my& mother brought me& to the doctor . i& go , do my& physical , get my& blood + urine drawn the next week for every test BUT the one i& thought they'd do [ a crp for inflammation ] , and i& go home and wait .

nothing . they said i& was sick , on my& period [ blood in urine ] , and dehydrated , and nothing else .

now everyone in my& house is acting like im crazy .

i& dont know what to do , and every time i& think about it , i& cry . two years of waiting for ... nothing . i& cant stand without support , i& was kicked out of band for my& inability to march correctly , and i& cant go up / down the stairs without falling .

it hurts . living hurts . my& partner and friends are the only ones who believe me& and my& family is treating it like its all in my head , that im& working myself up over nothing . that life is supposed to be like this .

it isnt , something in me& KNOWS its not . something in me& knows that this is not normal , and every time someone says that they go even a few minutes without pain i& just want to curl up and cry .

standing hurts right now , laying down hurts right now . i& barely have enough energy to make this post because my& fingers are cramping and i&m so fucking tired . its 2am , way past when i& sleep , and i&m up crying because i&m in so much pain .

i& just need advice , feel free to scroll .

[demiesworld]

hi guys! so i wanted to give you all this update as to why i have not been posting as much. for the past month i have been working at my job diligently, and at the same time ultimately concerned with my health and wellbeing. i know i made a post a while ago, saying that i was worried about my health and my kidney function, because i am a type 2 diabetic and kidney disease is common in my family. i have visited my new primary care doctor (for those who do not live in the US a primary care doctor is a healthcare provider that practices in general medicine and they are the individual i can go to to get check ups, vaccinations, referrals to specialists etc.) and a blood test as well as a urine test was done just last week.

the results of the blood test, my primary care doctor told me were fine. my urine test, to me told a different story, i noticed that my creatinine in my urine was low. it was at 17 when the reference range is 20 to 275 according to the lab test. anyways, i didn't ask them about my creatinine levels yet because i will be doing another visit with them at the end of this month to discuss over my results and what we will be doing as patient and doctor to make sure that i will be ok.

my blood sugar levels have been excellent. my respiratory is fine. my heart beat is normal. however i just have a really huge concern for my kidney function. until i get to see a kidney doctor who will do a test and the test informs me that i am well then i won't be worrying anymore. right now i am constantly stressing about my kidney function, i have been trying to distract myself with trying to finish writing requests, watching new anime shows, and going to the gym to put my mind off of it, but at the end of the night when my head hits my pillow it is all that i am thinking about.

i am writing this post to you guys, my followers and new followers, because i want for you all to know that i am still here. im still around, and i am trying my hardest to fulfill requests in my inbox and drafts. i am suffering right now from a really bad case of writer's block and stress. i think that is better to be transparent with you guys, and to let you all know what is going on with me.

i feel really bad that im not writing as often as i should be. i just hope, pray, and wish that this writer's block will go away and i will start writing again.

[caspercryptid]

Hey I was wondering since youre open to answering asks.. I went to my first therapy session and it was for an evaluation. It was fine until they asked me for a urine test to test drugs and to see if I was pregnant. Kinda made me iffy but the nurse said it was optional. So I said no... The psychiatrist gave me attitude when I said I didn't want to get tested to see if I was pregnant. Said she couldn't give me some medicine without it as well it was part of the program and asked why was I against it. I told her I wouldn't get pregnant since Im literally single (I get anxiety talking to people) and I found it awkward. .. She made me feel like it was on me for not wanting to do the test... Was that actually normal to ask?Just because I have a uterus didnt feel like they can just test me on pregnancy. . It felt invasive. Kinda dont feel that comfortable going there anymore.. but well see for the next session. . I really wanna deal with my social anxiety. Dont want be lonely anymore but its starting to look like too much effort getting help if Im gonna get pushed into doing things like that test. . . Thoughts?

Hey I'm super sorry that the answer to this is late because I don't check my Xbox very often but I have literally never in my life been asked for a urine test for a psychiatrist and I have been to multiple That's fucking bizarre What the fuck

[sentryvt]

Me: Had to go to the ER cuz of gut pain but I feel like I'm okay now

Also me:

:( they fucked my veins up but my lik guy gained a free galaxy

Long story short: went to the ER after a bad pain flare up to the point of struggling to stay conscious (and man it was a struggle), get to ER via ambulance cuz we fear it's pancreatitis again.

They run a bunch of test (blood and urine samples, glycemy test) while they get me Tradonal and other stuff through IV.

Doc comes to check on me and presses down on my abdomen, it's higher than normal and it seems to be my stomach so they give me anticid. Immediately start to feel some relief.

Turns out it's gastritis and im on meds for 4 weeks. Stress was really badly eating at me due to resurfacing trauma and me being in a bad period mentally wise over the past few months

I'm seeing my gastroenterologist tomorrow to talk and stuff. Like getting the MRI and more blood job done too to be extra sure I dont have pancreas issues.

Rn I'm genuinely fine. Exhausted beyond belief but fine. I did end up sleeping Monday away (I have barely any recollection of what happened. Apparently we did groceries?) and I rested plenty with light meals. The very good news to me is that I feel hungry. I haven't felt actually hungry over 3 weeks. Like actual "i need food in my belly" hunger and not "my sugar levels are too low and I havent eaten anything for how ling now?" Hunger.

[dulcewrites]

I'm curious about everything fmo djats related! I would like to know more about the aftermath of the cheating, reader cutting everyone off etc but also how did they start dating and adjusting to finding out about the pregnancy, proposal and then raising a child 😊

Ok. I guess I’ll try and go in order

How they got together

So we established that hel and reader were roomies. One day reader comes home and finds Aemond on the couch, bass hand, hair over his face and she’d just like yeah #needhim

You can tell they like each other but they are both… challenged in that department

Aemond would be pretty oblivious to it at first. Chalking it up to reader being nice for his sister’s sake. She’d be pulling out all the stops and he just… doesn’t get it. It takes her literally spelling it out for him to get it.

I think they both have insecurities about relationships in general. It’s a new thing for the both them. They fumble through things but overall it’s a sweet relationship in the moment

Ironically, quinton joining the group is the thing that leads to them making official

Pregnancy/proposal

Reader went in to the doctors for a standard check up. Does the usual blood and urine test. Her doctor is like “were you trying to have a baby” and she’s like ???? IM A BABY

She debates even telling Aemond bc she’s going back and forth about keeping it

Aemond had a bad habit of writing lyrics on any piece of paper he can find. He’s over their apartment, and starts scribing on something he finds in reader’s night dresser. He finally reads it and sees it’s a pharmacy note for prenatal vitamins

He waits for reader to finally say something but then a week passed and he just snaps and tells her he knows

Reader breaks down bc she’s scared. Aemond tells her he’s gonna be there regardless of what she does, he just wanted her to tell him (she ends of keeping the baby)

As for the proposal, Aemond asks his mom for a family heirloom. It’s a ring that Alicent’s mom had. An oval cut emerald ring. Very classy very hightower (when they divorce, reader tries to return it to Alicent. She wouldn’t dare take that ring back from reader. Alicent considers it hers)

Aemond proposes the Christmas of that year. They get married the following year.

Reader has a cute baby shower. Viserys buys them an apartment (modern viserys like buying affection). Alicent offers staying with them for the first couple of months. Otto buys stock in Daella’s name. He’s not gonna be babysitting no brokies

Already said but reader ends up having a c section to have daella. In drama queen fashion, daella just won’t come during labor

The transition period goes as smoothly as it can for young first time parents. Daella is legend since birth, her cries feature in the back of a song on the first album

Like mentioned, reader’s parents basically cut her out of their lives after finding out she was pregnant. Her mom sends flowers and note when she gives birth

I see modern Aemond being a better dad than original recipe fmo Aemond

Divorce/aftermath (years after marriage)

So as previously stated, reader gets in her p.i bag to catch him cheating. She asks alicent to come over and watch for a weekend to do a pop up

He doesn’t deny the feelings. Reader goes off. Tells them all she doesn’t want them around daella. Now that freaks Aemond out. They postpone the two shows that had that weekend bc he follows her back home

Alicent is confused as hell 💀💀. Reader comes home mad and starts packing Aemond’s stuff. Aemond comes home hours later begging to be heard. Reader asks if he can look in the eye and say he would’ve at least told her he had feelings for someone else. He can’t answer (aka he would’ve kept lying).

Reader tells him she wants a legal separation. That happens while they finish the tour (lets say this is after the first album they do with alys)

It doesn’t escalate to a divorce till she realizes he not only keeps alys in the group (the others are like maybe we should cut our losses) but seems to be keeping in regular contact with her. Reader takes it as disrespect.

The divorce proceedings start off slow bc Aemond is dragging his feet. Reader pulls out the big guns and says she will go public with the cheating and have sole custody if he doesn’t corporate.

As for cutting people off. She changes her number. Puts her name on the lease of the place viserys got them.

Quinton, Helaena, and Aegon all try reaching out the first couple of months after the fallout. They get no answer, not while actively in the band. There was a particularly nasty argument that happens when they (hel and Aegon) show at the penthouse. At this point she just wants to be left alone.

The next time she really interacts with them is during a party for daeron. It’s distant and cold but contact none the less

The riff filters out into the band. They really only get together to make music. As thing reconcile with Aemond and reader so does things within the band’s dynamic

[prettiestcowgirl]

i spent last night by myself as i cleaned up after my first dinner party. my childhood best friend and i made handmade gluten-free pizza, herbed french fries, and a garlic-olive oil aioli. i also bought some sparkling mineral water and local-craft made sodas for everyone. i had my best friend go to the garden out front of my house and make a bouquet for the dinner table; we have daisies and white hydrangeas. we played the evangelion cover of fly me to the moon while guest showed up. they brought wine and housewarming dishes.

later on, after a few hours of talking, everyone went home. i spent the night washing dishes while listening to a crime documentary. life comes at you fast. i started the year terrified to leave my bed and now im hosting dinner parties in my new dining room.

there is still residual suffering; i realized i have a lot more trauma than i previously thought. my roommates will slam a door accidentally or move their personal items to a private place or walk loudly throughout the house and i panic because i assume theyre mad at me. every slammed door makes me shake. im so used to my mother's volatile emotions that i cant comprehend people doing things accidentally or non-threateningly.

the quiet has also been hard. now that there isn't screaming and abuse, the silence is unnerving; it gives me too much time to think. ive been thinking of my dad a lot lately. ive been thinking of my grandmother. i am no longer surviving, so i am just thinking, and it hurts so badly. i was warned that once i left that house id start shedding layer by layer.

the first week i could hardly move. i laid in bed after work and slept until the next day. the second week i hardly showered and considered the woods behind my corporate office as a good resting place if i did the unthinkable. i woke up this week and i was somehow better. i stopped smoking. the nights spent crying were minimal. the sleeping improved. i had things i aspired towards. its slow getting to the surface, but it's so close, i can feel it.

i have wonderful health insurance due to my job and i decided to prioritize my mental and physical health now that im free to nurse myself back into a human being. i got a new psychiatrist and im being assessed for transcranial magnetic stimulation. it's for people who have OCD and major depressive disorder and don't respond to medication. sounds like rebranded shock therapy. im willing to try anything at this point.

ive also decided to try things for my physical stress symptoms, the pain, the shaking, the migraines, the dizziness, the nausea, etc. i am looking for an acupuncturist in the city as im only two train stops away from 30th street station. ive contacted a holistic doctor and a nutritionist. i meditate. i do breathing exercises. i surround myself with as much calm as possible.

ive lived in this body addled with stress since i was small. im scared ive put too much strain on myself already. last night at my dinner party, we discussed our hypothesis that stressed killed my father. he suffered a widowmaker, and we always assumed that it was due to his negligent lifestyle, but my roommate and i talked about her uncle recently passing due to one as well, and he was healthy. he had a primary doctor, he was fit, he ran, he ate well; harrowing that death comes for anyone regardless of their choices.

i slowly worked through the idea that maybe he was stressed. maybe my father was stressed. maybe stress and cortisol and adrenaline wreak havoc on these soft bodies we live inside. i was tested for cortisol at seventeen and was misdiagnosed with pcos due to my high levels. years later, after getting an ultrasound to finally address the constant pain i experience during sex and urination, they revealed that i didnt have any cysts on my ovaries. this meant that i didnt have pcos just very high cortisol floating through my body. it kind of clicked for me. i have abundant health issues and a terrible mental state and its slowly grinding my body to sawdust.

i think im finally in the place to start healing. i think i can do it. i want to see the other side. i want to replace this body and start fresh.

[nathank77]

8/31/24

10:27 a.m Added to significantly 11:05 a.m

Anyways now that I highlighted that dream bc I feel it was very significant. They didn't find the bacteria for a uti.... maybe I have a kidney stone I'm passing? Idk.

My genitals were feeling a burning sensation. I def had a little pain urinating a few times yesterday. I never took the antibiotics. I might go to the ER today or tomorrow.

The burning sensation could be from the new soap. The pain while urinating idk. All I know is the last time my genitals felt a burn I had a uti..

I want to complain of pain in my kidneys and get a scan of my whole urinary tract. It could take a month for my PCP to see me, and send me to a specialist.

I don't really have symptoms of a uti and or kidney stone minus those two things...

But yea. Why would I get that sensation two different times in a month and once was a uti and the other time idk what it is.

I didn't use the new soap earlier this month. I know that much.

I do have difficulty passing urine sometimes recently. And uti can often be confused with kidney stones. I drink a lot of caffeine... a lot in the morning bc I'm groggy from xanax.

I don't really want to go to the ER. But this experience taught me one thing:

1) Urgent care isn't useful. I could have started that antibiotic (became resistant to it bc of my mrsa) found out on the third day of treatment that I didn't need the antibiotic right as I finished it bc I had a 3 day course.

-also a 3 day course builds resistance per some research and I'm sure she only gave me a 3 day course bc IM TRANS AND SHE HATED ME ONCE I SAID THAT I COULD SEE IT IN HER EYES.

- She even said we have a self cleaning oven. FUCK YOU CUNT THERE IS NO WE. IM NOT A GIRL YOU FUCKING CUNT. IM INTERSEXED.

- urgent care the test results for anything that isn't an emergency takes days.

-the er I would have had my results back before i left. I would have had my whole urinary tract scanned and found out if anything was wrong that day.

- I'm not going to urgent care anymore. Growing up in Meriden I learned to go to urgent care If you don't want to sit in the waiting room of the er for 12 hours.

-in my current town, the er never has more than a hour wait and I'd say actually a 20 minutes wait. And everything gets tested and results gets pulled ASAP.

-I'm glad despite the trauma that I said I was trans bc she was going to give me cipro... and I was reading about cipro and it's a rather dangerous antibiotic..... but it's useful for penile uti bc they can spread to the prostate... but it's actually banned in certian countries bc of neurological issues caused by side effects...

- if I go to the er I can talk about anitboditics assuming I need them now that I am knowledgeable about them... I want one I've already taken such as amoxcilian. Or Bactrim.

- and if I go to the er I won't potentially build resistant to an antibiotic bc I take it when I don't need to....... it's really dangerous when you have MRSA. I've been taking antibiotics for most of my life and MRSA kills you eventually from antibiotics resistance. So I made the right call.

- from now on I'm going to the ER. Meriden taught me the ER was a day trip..... it's not in my town. And from here on out I won't tell providers I'm trans. Now that I have antibiotics knowledge. Cause she recommended cipro bc it's good for penile utis... and if I had taken it I could have suffered serious side effects and it wouldn't have helped.

- if I have to admit I'm trans, I'm going to say it like this, "I'm trans, I don't have bottom surgery (I said it like this but left out this part) I don't want to hear the word vagina, or any female identifying words, as it's triggering and disrespectful to my entire identity and my genitals are different than a biological female but closer to female than male."

- I'll say, "I've had too many providers say these words to me when they found out I'm trans and it's disrespectful to my entire identity and I'm telling you I'm trans only bc it's relevant to my issue and my treatment and I want to be treated with respect. If you must use words that will trigger me say uterus or words that identify internal organs that may have issues when you get the test results as I understand using some of these words when needed. But please don't start saying vagina 10 times bc it happens almost everytime and this is a mutual respect environment and it's not respectful. So please take the knowledge I provides you with and help me. And please treat me with respect."

- what's disgusting is everytime I look for a therapist I have to give them this lecture but a little differently. Everytime I look for a Dr I have to give them a lecture. When the fuck is safe zone training going to be a thing. A real thing. What do you call a transguys additional hole? Not a vagina. It's called the front hole..genitals can be used in exchange for vagina... and I get if say I have a Cyst in my uterus why you got to say that but everything else can be avoided!

I'm sick of being disrespected. When I went to a pcp before I found mine once she found out I was trans vagina started pouring out of her mouth. She said it like 15 times bc they want to make you feel female.

When I saw a therapist once she asked me, "so you were born female?" 3 or 4 times to make me feel female. And then she asked me my birth name. And I refused to tell her.

- when I went to urgent care, the other day vagina just started pouring out of her mouth and female and we, we, we like I'm the same as her. She asked me if I had a vagina like 3 times. I didn't even answer her. If I say I don't have bottom surgery. That means that I don't have a cis penis you fucking cunt. I won't fucking answer that question bc I don't identify with having a vagina bc I have intersexed parts.

I'm just so sick of dealing with it.

Idk if I'm going to the er but part of me thinks it's a good idea to get a prompt scan but I'm worried I'll be called a female in as many ways as they can possibly get away with. And giving a lecture to get treated with respect is very tiresome. It makes seeking care seem well pointless and more damaging than helpful bc..... it hurts your fucking soul. To be stuck in a powerless position and be forced to listen. This isn't a friend who you can block. This is a Dr pateint relationship and you need their help.

What can you do? Deal with disrespect or deal with medical complications.

[amprella]

My mind is and was occupied with relatively serious stuff and changes past 2 months. Maybe it’s time to say things out loud and get them out of the system.

Moved houses, that can be considered as a good change, that’d improve my ways of living, in a smallest sense, even… the process was tough and time consuming with painting etc but again, this was a good occupience.

And then, for about a month, im having digestive issues. And it’s going nowhere as of today. Had many tests, blood, urine, feces, X-rays, ultrasounds… all came back clean but i still have issues with stomach… which leads to either more serious shit like cancer etc or an allergy that i have been tested in the past but developed somehow later on in my life… at least the two options I can think about now.

I feel so preoccupied with thinking. And my ways, my character doesn't help with the situation. I’ve had a similar issue 4 months back, but it had a name (gastroentiridis) and it was clear what it was and could’ve been solved within a month.

Now with this new shit, nothing shows up on blood, ultrasound, X-rays, feces etc and the uncertainty is eating me up, alongside of almost bi-daily stomach pain.

Hear me out, I took precautions. Whoever knows me knows that I like to cook at home, amongst all, it serves my year long diet. I rarely order something from outside, especially when I’m alone, which is most of the times (no complaining)

I had this issue for about 2 weeks, then when it did not go away, went to doctors, did the tests etc, used antibiotics, stomach regulator drug, and after all this treatment, plus 2 weeks, today the issue seem to persist with the doctors could not have pinpoint where is and what is the rootcause of it.

And this last 2 weeks, i’ve took steps extra carefully, even bought bottled water thinking something might’ve been off with water since I don’t consume anything else that is out of ordinary from outside. Stopped alcohol altogether, for a whole week. Took my antibiotics every 12 hrs exactly, why I’m elaborating this is that I did everything by the book, and they still cant find/know what is wrong and my body cannot seem to resolve it.

Now, on top of all that, I tried to maintain my lifestyle, went to gym even with pain, or resisted the urges to my vices to eat out or drink alcohol etc, but mind-wise, I was so preoccupied with uncertainty, when I finished antibiotics and got a bit better, I relaxed a bit, but it returned today, seems like I cannot recover.

Now, being alone in a country with not many people that keeps tabs on you (life, what can you do-everyone has their own life too) ~ your mind tends to go to darker places; especially when there is uncertainty about health stuff.

And when mine did too, it thought of genetic factors, since there were no logical reasoning the tests can came up with. And those genetic factors are the family history with cancer and tumor; losing 3 of 4 uncles (one from dad’s side at around late 50s, 2 from mom’s side, at 33 and 45 years of age) , my grandma having 7 operations in various places on her body due to cancer (survivor) ~ I kind of went existentialist on this, and accepted that it could be something serious for me too.

I mentioned this to doctors too, 2 weeks back, in case she’d want further examinations for internal organs, but she had said that it was not needed (public hospitals ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) for the moment being, and I needed to check myself within a month to keep on trying to find a reason for this problem.

We’re within 2nd week of that 1 month of recovery period, and I have the issue back like the first days it seems.

I don’t know what to think about, not mentally only but also physically. Having to go through anything you do, even drinking water without a subtle and constant pain feels like long history. How tf do we take granted being healthy, and forget like we are going to be healthy forever. I guess that’s called being human.

This human is tired of thinking about uncertain health issues and dealing with physical pain and also having to maintain a social and a professional life, like everything is normal. I am worried, but not scared, worried of not knowing what I need to face with.

And I can’t stress this enough, I have made peace with the idea

If in any outcome or possibility, I know; I can adapt, accept and be okay with it. But not knowing is eating me up.

[freezi-drink]

Rant about medical issues under the cut (it's honestly tmi, and a very long post, feel free to scroll)

A couple Fridays ago (the 8th?) I went to the ER at like 7 in the morning for lower abdominal pain that I just assumed was from PCOS but it was bad enough to need ER grade painkillers, so I went and they gave me painkillers (which didn't do jack shit), and gave me an IV*, and did a blood test and a vaginal ultrasound, and they wanted to do a urine test too but with tummy pain obvs my first thought is to go to the bathroom just to rule things out so I couldn't give a sample when I was there and they Wouldn't Let Me Drink Water (ik this is probs what they Have To Do, but still annoying), so the Dr ended up canceling it and saying it was probs just the PCOS anyway. So he sends me home with a couple prescriptions and I'm like yeah ok whatever. I get home, the hospital calls, said I left my favorite flannel, my dad and I head out to get that, grab my prescriptions, and a smoothie to hopefully get some calories in me. Before he could even leave the smoothie king I made him pull over so I could throw up. Well I'm still laying on the bedroom floor in pain for several hours, even with my dad giving me the prescription painkillers as often as the pharmacist said he could, but I vomit from pain Twice (the first time losing my smoothie so I have No food in me)(also, the best way i found to sit to minimize pain was on my knees with my forehead on the floor, which was NOT helping the nausea lmao) and when I was sitting on the floor of the bathroom bc I was nauseous a fourth time and didn't really feel like throwing up on the bedroom floor, we decided to just cave and go back to the ER. So we go, it's super busy so I sit in the waiting room for probably 20 minutes, they put me in a hallway with reclining chairs and curtains (they had enough space to give me a room that morning) and by this point I am loudly sobbing in pain. I will myself into sitting still so the nice nurse man can give me a new IV in the other arm**, and they order me a urine sample and a CT scan with contrast. Luckily, though, the nurse I got was a saint and made sure I got my morphine shot before they took me for the CT. Anyway, I'm waiting, the morphine isn't working great, but it's there, but then, out of nowhere, the morphine STOOS WORKING so im back to Very Loud Sobbing, and this nurse, wonderful man he is, comes over and says "so I put your pain at a ten, cool?" And it's funny but I'm still dying so they give me toroidal (which helped A LOT btw, i was sleepy and giggling for a While) and once it had kicked in he wheeled me over to the restroom for the urine sample, which was all fine and good, we passed a girl in the hall that I went to highschool with, he even paused the wheelchair so I could say hi, and when they eventually finished their testing, they essentially said "our bad man, 👎it's actually kidney stones :/" and told me that I had already passed some, but that there were some still there that could pass anytime between that night and a year from now. So they give me a whole slew of drugs - antibiotics, prostate relaxer (for the bladder? idk), nausea pills, two different pain meds (one lighter, one heavier) and sent me home. Cut to now, it appears that the time has come for at least one to pass, and it FUCKING HURTS and i'm ON MY PERIOD***, screaming swears into the ceiling, and generally having a bad time, so basically my life sucks lmao

*I have been to the ER many, many times, and had many, many IVs before, but Not Once has it ever hurt, and this shit HURT. As soon as I took off the bandage, there was a massive bruise that has lasted over a week. :|

**this IV was wonderful, and didn't even leave a little baby bruise, barely even a mark, ily nurse that was assigned to me mwah

***also its not just period pain, I do in fact know the difference now :|

[eldritchmochi]

as a follow up, as someone who has a genetic condition that has had me looking into mcas for years before covid, and also as someone who's been tested for it (once): just because you get a negative or inconclusive result on the 24hr urine test they (typically) do DOES NOT mean you for sure do not have mcas. this test is incredibly finicky and throws out a lot of false negatives

mcas is not all that well understood by most doctors, even allergists, and its presentation is definitely the kind of thing where a lot of doctors will go "all your tests for xyz allergies show youre not actually allergic so youre fine" because doctors are bullshit, so be prepared to advocate for yourself

ohtwist.com has a lot of good resources on her blog and on her twitter (@/h2ohtwist). she primarily advocates for understanding of ehlers danlos syndrome (my genetic thing), but mcas is one of the really common comorbidities (and fun fact!!!! covid is showing QUITE the effect on the structural integrity of collagen, so many people with long covid are also showing symptoms of hypermobility and other things in the wheelhouse of eds/hsd, so, ya know, that's rad 🫠🫠)

but the treatment for mcas is often (not always) basically just a daily otc allergy med. definitely absolutely always discuss with your doctor before starting any medication for long term use, even otc things, because there are always risks and potential for complications that you should be aware of. ive had fairly good luck with scripts like "i know my results for xyz were negative but im still having these symptoms that are interfering with these specific essential parts of daily living (eating/sleeping/working/etc). what are some simple steps i can take to mitigate it? do you think it's worth trying abc otc med?"

including *specific ways* that your standard of living is affected goes really far, and some docs are willing to treat things that dont have an "obvious" cause (or a specific dx in chart) with things like "lifestyle changes", otc meds, and other noninvasive "simple" things (which can help quite a bit)

(for context, basically all my mcas triggers are food; i get minor anaphylaxis for a handful of things so i have an epi pen just in case, but mostly i get wicked migraine even just from the smell of things. the bulk of what i have done is lifestyle changes where i just dont eat what makes me sick, or if i decide im gonna anyway, i take a benadryl and prepare to feel gross. ymmv a lot depending on the triggers so talk to your doctors, but yeah, its fairly treatable)

The United States has always been a terrible place to be sick and disabled. Ableism is baked into our myths of bootstrapping and self-reliance, in which health is virtue and illness is degeneracy. It is long past time for a bedrock shift, for all of us.

Long covid has derailed my life. Make no mistake: It could yours, too.

[goat-yells-at-everything]

Just got home from the er.

I have never in my LIFE been treated so badly.

Started out fine. They were kind of busy but I was actually seen by triage relatively quickly. They said there were 4 people in front of me. The NP is concerned about a twisted ovary so she orders an internal sono, some blood tests, and a urinalysis.

Dude comes to get me for the sono.

Dude is the tech DOING the sono.

*concerned goat noises*

I'm not totally against male gynos and gyno techs, but considering i was bleeding by the end, I feel the concern was warranted. =/

I'll mention here that the NP had not just agreed to give me pain meds but had stated I needed them without me actually asking.

I figured I'd get the shot in the iv after the sono.

I did not.

The tech didn't take my urine sample either. He told me to take it to the front desk. They had me leave it on the counter.

This is important.

I go back to my seat and suffer in silence for several hours.

I finally get fed up but kindly ask if I can have the pain meds the NP said I'd get. Receptionist says she has to talk to the nurse. Fairly sure she never left the little reception cube before coming out to tell me I have to wait until I see a provider to get pain meds and there are now 7 people in front of me.

*confused and concerned goat noises*

Call mom to have her distract me cuse I'm in fucking PAIN.

After sobbing on the phone for half an hour I decide to get further clarification on why pain management isn't an option here.

She gives me the same bs answer and I ask to talk with the nurse. While I'm waiting next to the counter I look down.

And see the sample I'd left there. Untouched.

OVER TWO FUCKING HOURS LATER.

When I question this they claim that its not mine.

I point to my NAME on it.

They say its just "extra" and the tests have already been run.

The seal was not broken.

One of um grabs it and takes it away. The charge nurse comes out and im livid and ask why my urine sample was left sitting there, untested, for 2 hours? She says "but it was taken and tested. Look. Its gone."

I fucking kid you not she literally said that.

What_is_Gaslighting.jpg

So the nurse making the decisions on my care comes out and says all my tests and scans came back normal and there is no reason for me to be in as much pain as I'm saying I'm in.

And she offers me some otc tylenol.

Then. Fucking THEN.

Before I could respond she says in this fucking snarky voice "or were you expecting a narcotic?"

I demanded they remove the iv and I left.

Like, I've gone in in MUCH less pain before for a kidney stone that ended up being a uti and gotten Deloted right away. Suddenly I'm doubled over in pain curled in a ball in fucking OBVIOUS pain and I can't get shit.

I didnt go in for pain meds. I HAVE pain meds. I went in to find out WHY I was in pain.

I was perfectly willing to wait to be seen. If the tests did come back normal i can fully understand other people being seen before me. Dude came in at one point who had almost cut his fingers off with a saw so ya, some people needed attention first. But managing pain before being seen is kind of the POINT of a fucking ER. If I'd known they'd refuse to give me shit I'd have taken my own.

So I'll be taking more vicodin tonight and calling my doc in the am.

[makahimetenshi]

Follow me inside the wastelands -  Chapter 24  -Arthur Maxson x Female Sole Survivor Fanfic

Are we close to the final? Not exactly but im checking the notes of ideas I had more than other days so it’s a good sign

If you are very very very delighted with one fic and want a continuation I didn’t write or post you can donate me at least $5 bucks, most of this fics have next chapters I don’t finish because lack of motivation but hey a $5 is a $5, I see a few reviews and comments that fics that are abandoned months laters receive comments of wanting to know what happens next. Here it is, I finished my handling with you all, enjoy the fic

Arthur stood there in silence looking at the floor until Cade gasped his throat, stating he was there, the elder didn’t care much about how much he heard or since how long he was there in the door listening, he couldn’t care now.

-Since the Sentinel is now awake should we perform the urine test?

-Yes –said Arthur before Nora can’t said anything, he saw her bite her lip frustrated with her face all red in fury.

A while later, they were both walking to his quarters, she handcuffed to his wrist, but this time there was no rushing for eating the others mouth like last time, just silence, and for some reason Arthur feel completely prepared to receive a stab in the back. But no, luckily it didn’t happen.

He closes and secure the door, again, this time there was guards outside but in power armors…

She tried to move aside from him but the chains in her hand didn’t allow it.

-You also want this, you didn’t abort when you ran away and neither before, why are you doing this? –Arthur was clearly frustrated, pissed off like he never was, this rush of emotions messed up with his head.

-You should help me from the start! –she screamed and look at him, Arthur look at her also starting to cry, tears going down his cheek crushing on his beard.

-I love you both! I cannot hurt any of you! But you are making it so difficult! I only want the best for us!  The three of us! –he also cried, he can cry too.

-I never wanted a three of us! –the nasty way she said that make him also furious, face getting all hot from rage.

-You didn’t do anything in all this time! You are not going back! Its too late! –they were screaming at each other and the man could swear he would go deaf from it.

-I said I don’t know! Im afraid! –Nora was all nervous as her hair sticks to the wet cheeks from the tears, trying to take it out the way with her free fingers

-Well im afraid of losing both of you!

-This is not about you!

-You keep saying that  but its not about the baby either because you did nothing!

-Im the problem Arthur! –she wasn’t proud of this, clearly it wasn’t something to admit easy.

-So what should i do? –he asked sitting down in bed covering her face with her hands, pulling her close to him, Nora only managed to try to caress his hair since her hands were at that height but they trembled too much- what do you want from me to help you?

She took a moment, and then tried to step back, when it was impossible to leave and make a distance she swallow and look dead into the wall, tears still coming down

-Leave me –the ease with which she said that made him feel sick

-No –he stated dry and angry

-Listen to me

-I love you –Arthur went up and tried to look in her eyes but she just keep avoiding his gaze- why I would want you both away from me?

-I cannot do this –she said clenching her teeth

-Nora I will have my son –he said seriously, using his free hand to place a pair of fingers under her chin and move it but she wouldn’t still look at him, didn’t feel menaced by it.

-You’ll do –at hearing that he raised an eyebrow confused hearing her soft voice- you will have this child…-her handcuffed hand grabbed his to which it was attached and placed it on her belly, surprising him- but I’m not going to be anyone’s mother again

He stay in silence, processing her words, examing every detail…

-I don’t get it –he said and noticed they were close, too close, he tried to move Noras face in direction to his mouth but she shut her eyes and move aside- Nora…

-I promise im not letting you down–his hot breath against her face was confusing her a lot, her hand unconsciously move his around her belly, wanting to feel him closer even if it wasn’t a good idea, It was counterproductive to what she wanted to do, she wanted to push him away.

-There’s no solution where the three of us aren’t together –again, he stated, feeling a warm sensation were her hand was over his, he started also moving it, liking it  feeling incredibly close and intimate while doing that, he craved for this so bad, wanted so much to be at his pregnant woman side, care and watch for her every need

-Arthur Maxson will have his heir with Sentinel Nora and it will be the best knight the brotherhood have ever seen –not like this, she was messing with his head, this was a trick, she was smart.

-I also want you –he said wrapping his free hand around her waist making her gasp, Nora put her free hand in his shoulder, moving her head to the sides, playing with his lips making him grunt anxious.

-You can have me now –she said and push her red lips softly on top of his, not kissing, just lightly touching, talking over his mouth, gosh their chemistry was still there.

-You can't put conditions on me Nora –her hot breath was getting inside his mouth, intoxicating him but no, not like this.

-Then reject me –Arthur got annoyed by her cocky manipulative acctitude and push her away lightly by the shoulders turning around to not look at her, Nora was surprised, kinda scared.

-I mean it, I’m not leaving you, any of you both

-I’m just trying to do the best I can –she said starting to cry again, but he wouldn’t fall in her black widow tears trying to get him in her net.

-You keep saying its  not about me but you don’t want to be at my side

-I want to be at your side��I don’t want to be at the babys side –he turned around surprised, also kinda scared to actually hear that, it was something difficult to digest- I’m sorry, I told you I’m a horrible mom -he stay in silence, feeling something in his throat, not sure if he wanted to breath or puke- i let my son in the institute to burn in the explosion, I warn you about this since the beginning –Arthur took some moments to gain his robbed breath back- do you still love me like this?

He stay in silence before getting close to her again, placing his free hand behind her head, tangling her black locks between his fingers to oblige her to look into his blue eyes, moving her head up slowly not breaking the eye contact.

-What if I say yes? That im crazy for you no matter how much you want to push me away

Nora legs  feel weak all sudden.

-Then you are a madman –there was a palpable tension between them, it was dangerous to kiss, Nora wanted to push him  away for good but he was using  all his charms to make her stay in place

-I think I am, because our child is not going to be the best knight, but a fine sentinel or even a goddam elder –Noras eyes open wide as Arthur went down to eat her mouth in a passionate kiss.

She already had a story of being absent with a son achieving the greatest and most successful in his field. She can’t repeat history again.  She will play along just to break his heart, what he thinks is a mutual sexual attraction is just going to be a trap to make him low his guard. Her lips moved against him, and at feeling the warm air coming out from his nose she moaned, placing his handcuffed hand on her belly, hearing him groan.

How was going this to stop her from leaving again? He didn’t know, he cant foretell how she was going to scape this time. This was an advance, at least she wanted to…have it…for him. She wanted to give him this child, at least that. But he didn’t fully believe in her words, she betray his trust too many times, too many lies, too many secrets, too many disappointments and tears for her.

As the kiss deepens the hand she keep on her belly was slowly moved  down by her, making her moan in the middle of the kiss, the man step back and pull the handcuff to make her fall in his arms, not wanting to lift her like before since he didn’t want to mishandle her waist or torso, slowly moving them to the bed behind. Once his calves touch the mattress he throw himself back and Nora climb on top of him, trying desperate to take off his jacket  but only getting able to move it between the handcuff that joined both.

To distract her and avoid frustrations he pulls down the zipper of her vault suit, almost licking his lips when he saw her breast again after so long, oh boy he couldn’t wait to see them all swollen and full of milk. His cock twitch in his pants at that thought but then his eyes move down to her rounded belly and a big heat take all over his head, fuck it. Arthur sat up and try to move her pants down, Nora understood and help, getting on her knees to make space to move around and let his hands work on her, feeling herself hot and needy, wanting to be taken so bad at feeling his hungry eyes fixated on her naked  crotch .

Arthur was choking and running out of air because of how heated his body was and because he had too much clothes on, the black bodysuit was still on but Nora was rushing to open it  up the most as possible, trying to take his cock out, making him grunt and moan wishing for more friction. Still, he never stop looking at her belly.

-Honey? –she call for him, worried, he was red, sweaty, eyes inflamed,  wet from tears, breath accelerated, shaking, lips hot…he was in the middle of a crisis before all of this nervous but also extremely horny and needy- do you need to stop? –he didn’t look good because it wasn’t the best idea to jump to sex after the fight they had, even she didn’t feel so good, her head  hurt a lot from all that screaming.

-I love you –he said almost crying on overstimulation placing a hand on her belly and another on her tight feeling her skin hot- I want you forever by my side…-this wasn’t proper of the elder, the rush of emotions from before was making him loose his mind and slip…

How difficult it was going to broke his heart again

-I only want you…-said the woman moving the top of the vault suit to the pair of hands that had a lot of clothes joined, adjusting her hips.

Nora slide down on his length, moaning loud specially when his hands  slip and moved all over her skin. Maybe it was stress, maybe the time  they were away from each other, maybe just the vision of his pregnant woman on top of him but he  felt like he could finish at any moment but still keep  going, she was already claimed and still he had the urge to shoot his load inside, especially now with this look. She looks so beautiful with her stomach all rounded and her legs wrapped around his hips moving.

Both continued until Nora fell asleep exhausted.

Arthur stood there, watching her sleep, unable to allow himself to rest at her side,  fearing that she would trick  him again.

Maybe their relationship was getting worse and worse but yeah, fight and everything their chemistry was still there.

Also it was very obvious he had a thing for her pregnant body, his eyes couldn’t leave her belly going up and down  because of her breathing and snoring. No matter if it was still small because of time, it was there and enough to be noticeable and more big than he expected, perfect, absolutely perfect. Of course Nora wasn’t just a pregnant belly and that’s all, he wished to finally convince her that everything was going to be okay. At first she didn’t want to have anything to do, even went out looking for ways to get an abortion, then stop and wait, then said she would…have it for him? That’s what she meant? He didn’t get it…

He wanted them all together, he was willing to wait for her to feel ready, but nothing like  never  . Arthur wanted his baby and his woman at his side.

A sound on the terminal in the table take him out his thoughts, he look at her sleeping and use the key on one of his pockets surprised it was still there and she didn’t steal it, she may be too tired, after all sleeping in the Commonwealth almost make you sleep with an eye open. It wasn’t easy to find it between the clothes all gather in their hands but eventually he did and open the handcuff liberating both hands thinking it wasn’t necessary no more. Close the bodysuit around the crotch and went up to sit on the table.

Looking at her again sleeping naked it was funny, she didn’t have pants on but the boots were on, he wasn’t actually sure how they managed to undress wrapped at the other like that, damn he was hot and too immerse to remember detail.

There was an email, shit, how much time it passed?

Subject: “SENTINEL NORA HEALTH REPORT UPDATE”

Attached file 1: “IMPORTANT CLASSIFIED INFORMATION”

Attached video 2: “3 MONTHS ULTRASOUND”

His eyes illuminated, opening the second file instantly and looking at the screen, the white and black image melting his heart making a warm feeling take control of his entire body. Then he look at Nora snoring on bed. So, this was it, that was his son inside her. And after so long he had both back. This was the reason why they were fighting and cracking their relationship and it was damn worthy, that dot over there was the reason of all this chaos and he loved that dot. He only see it once and he already love it.

The man contemplated the video with a peaceful sensation all over his body for a few more minutes before closing it. Then click on the other file and read.

She was clean from chems and her other numbers and levels were slightly better, didn’t gain any weight but everything she eat surely improve her health a lot. She was taking it seriously,  following the diet for his child health even when she doesn’t want it, looks like the institute food wasn’t bad at all and she gets results by it, then do it, damn he was going to ask for a fridge in his quarters if she needed to bring that rations to stock and keep eating to get healthy.

He sighted, nervous, unsure of how long this was going to last

A side of him wanted to have illusions and dreams, but his entire being tell him it was a waste of time, that she will find a way to ruin things again.  So he didn’t and that crush his heart.

Time passed: he even made some coffee for him since she was still asleep and didn’t like cold coffee, and at noticing she wasn’t waking up he ask to the air not hopping to hear an answer, just let a thought out.

-Are you really that exhausted or pretending to not talk to me? –he didn’t expect the low voice from behind that answer his question.

-I don’t feel like having anything to say to you right now –she said using one of her hands to blindly look for her panties in the pile of clothes that were next to the bed, maybe not all clothes but yes the panties! He stay sad at hearing her talk like that.

-And why is that? –she rolled in bed and look at the ceiling, keeping the silence for a few moments before breaking it.

-I should leave

-No

Again he denied with an authoritarian voice, not thinking it twice

-Arthur…-Nora rolled again looking for her vault suit top, at least that too

-The elder is a joke since you engage that fight at the party last time, and your runaways didn’t make it any better, having to search the whole commonwealth for your ass with everyone knowing you're pregnant has put me in such a humiliating place

No. Nonononononono. She went off bed closing her vault top and taking her hair out, placing a hand on his cheek and the other on his shoulder

-Look at me –she said, he was angry, clearly annoyed- hey look at me

-What? –he said with a bitter taste in his tongue, loving the view of her long slim legs with the boots on even if he was upset.

-You didn’t let me finish before –both hands started to move circles in his skin trying to calm him- but I have a plan…-he didn’t look at her face, because he was upset, not because her long legs were in front of him of course not.

-Oh shit here we go again…

-Rude –she cought a bit and sit on his legs, closing her arms around his neck, trying to connect his eyes with hers, staying with silence a few seconds to oblige him to focus- I know I fucked up you a lot, and im sorry –he waited, not satisfied enough, unable to believe it since she failed so much- but I have a gift for you –the man raised an eyebrow, not talkative? Okay- I clean the Wilson Atomatoys factory for you, it’s a “new” factory from  before the bombs drop, so its in really good conditions despite being small, there’s a lot of spare parts to loot there, there was supermutants before and i cleaned it up for you

-Did you fight supermutants in your state!?

-No…-she stay in silence getting into the man nerves- I send Strong and Cait

-Who knows about this? –he asked raising an eyebrow, placing a hand in her belly, making her a bit uncomfortable.

- Nick, Curie, Ada, Strong doestn care  -he didn’t care about the robots tho- I hadn’t see the rest of them, I didn’t announce it but who ever realizes and ask I will answer is not gases.

-Do they know I’m the father?

-Only Nick…and Maccready will realize eventually without asking, is not his business, I only pay him for protection and services.

-Do you want people to know I’m the father?

-Do you want to? –she asked

-Yes –he place a hand in her back and moved it slowly down to her waist not breaking eye contact- but anyway is this base to share with the minutemen? –what has a thing to do with other

-No, I wanted to make a base in the south and after the FMS NortherStar fiasco I thought this location will fit just right for the brotherhood

-Wait, if is not to share why did you clean it?

-For the brotherhood –she said simply.

-Bullshit –he said confused.

-I take it for you, so you can claim that victory and raise your reputation –his eyes open surprised, but look at another side troubled.

-No, its your work

-I did this for you –she slowly moved her hands around his ears and hair to caress it- to have a secure and safe victory on your side, to claim old useful tech for the brotherhood, to raise the name of Arthur Maxson, to not risk you out there, its already done, use it.

-And where do you stand in this? –she didn’t answer, just close her eyes and sighted- Nora- he insisted, closing his hands around her arms demanding an answer.

-Im leaving

-Then im not taking it –she open wide the eyes and look nerveous at him

-Don’t be a jackass

-Im not trading you for any base –he stated, shaking her a bit, slowly, not pushing or anything.

-Its going to get raided again by supermutants or some savages if it stays empty…-she mumble getting up from him and standing on the floor.

-You are not a price im willing to take –how she dares to ask him for this?- do you think ill just exchange you for anything?

-Look it will more easy for me to leave if your achievement is still on the air, rumors wouldn’t have a place, everybody will be talking about the brand new base of Arthur Maxson, none of this scandals will affect you –ok Nora thought this would work before.

-You cant buy me

-Im leaving anyway –she said stepping back, Arthur went up of his chair  surprised, what a nerve.

-No

-I cant do this

-You are three months already were do you plan to go? What do you want to do? This is nonsense

-Ill be back

-I don’t believe you –he bite on his lip trying to pick her hands, but she wouldn’t allow it- Nora please

-I’m doing this for us

-Bullshit. There’s no solution…-at the middle of that Nora put  hand on his mouth, he can see she was conflictuated.

-Stop! Maybe is not the best for the baby but there’s still a you and me…

-And what do you plan to do out there? –if she was having it for him this doesn’t have any sense.

-Not being reminded im going to be a mom all time, would you threat me normally like before this if I ask you? –no, truth is he cant, Arthur see her like the woman he loves and the mother of his child already- No you cant

-You are asking me to wander around to not do controls? –what kind of sick request was that? –absolutely not

-I love you but I’m never fitting this role again even for you. I’m leaving someway or another, and you know it

There was silence in the air until he broke it.

-And if I try to stop it?

-You can’t

Silence again, and he talk.

-At least stay here a few days more with me before leaving, I missed you

-I missed you too

Nora stay in the Prydwen for a while, some weeks, not for a hot shower or a comfy meal but because Arthur ask her. Truth is that…she was feeling their relationship cracking, especially because he reminded her that she will leave eventually and try to convince her, even knowing it was useless because she already fail him too much.

The first week Arthur sleep with an eye open, watching her, if she wanted to scape he wanted to see when, why and how, but it didn’t happen. Both did the test, well, not both, Arthur bring her by force to the nursery to take blood, urine and ultrasounds…she didn’t want to be there but he wouldn’t loose the chance to know the most he can about his child, at least while she was still there…

Nora would close his eyes and not pay attention at all in the ultrasounds, zooning out, Arthur made Cade aware of this to not do comments or ask questions, he wasn’t allowed to sneak his nose into the couple dynamic and the man know to not surpass his limit just fine. Even if it was strange. Nora appreciate this even if she didn’t  wish to be at that place at al.

They would sleep together tho, Arthur hugging her and keeping her close like his life depends of it, like if she was going to vanish, and she will, heck yeah she will  if he gets too comfortable.

Eventually, the operation to take the fabric was ready, the elder will arrive one morning in his power armor and the four paladins as escorts in the ventibird, shoot some few weak raiders that already took the place in the head and claim it for the brotherhood, like Nora said: perfect  it was almost in perfect conditions, an excellent post, a great asset to protect the commonwealth. They all rise an orange flag together as a symbol of unity and good brotherhood work.

Elder Maxson now open a Brotherhood base in the eastsouth of the Commonwealth, it was the third one along with the airport and Cambridge Station.

Rumors and news will spread all around the land, giving the victory to Elder Maxson, making the fact that it was now a safe place common knowledge for every citizen. The elder of the brotherhood of steel conquer some old supermutant building. Nothing far from the truth, Sentinel Nora did it: also a Brotherhood soldier, but she planned everything so other anonymous folks would do the job and not cause much noise, that way the brotherhood can take all the credit.

After all everybody was grateful that a group of supermutants were now dead. Even if other supermutant kill them all.

Everybody thank and congratulate Maxson for the new base but while he was rising the orange flag…Nora left the airport again. And he wouldn’t look for her this time.

He wanted to recall that base to Sentinel Nora. Now it wasn’t worth it

But he will do one thing…

The supreme commander of the brotherhood of steel will arrive with some escorts at Castle a week later demanding for someone.

-Im looking for Robert Joseph Maccready –said the elder out and lout to everyone around, even the turrets at the entrance- tell the mercenary that my presence is worth in caps.

-I think ill decide who im taking caps –said once voice approaching him from the side, the man was in the place and heard his declaration.

-I have a job for you –Robert open his eyes in surprise but still keep listening- I believe we should discuss this in private

-I hope its worth the caps

-It is

Since the elder always take precautions going out he told his escorts to wait after all it wasn’t the first time they bring him to castle and the knew he was fully armed in case anything happens.

Maccready move them to a room and close the doors, since the place was an old construction and apparently pretty solid the elder doubted that there was any spy, the room don’t give them any possibilities, and the doors were huge and heavy, pure wood, beautiful pre war luxuries.

-Why is the elder of the brotherhood of steal hiring mercenary? –ask Maccready sitting in a chair, not breaking eye contact to not loose any of his movements, the two general of the minutemen may trust him but he didnt.

-Ill be quick so you can understand me better. Ill pay you 5000 caps monthly to protect Sentinel Nora –the man didn’t look surprised, but confused.

-Nora already pays me

-No, she pays you to have u available for certain works when she needs, what Im looking for is a 24/7 bodyguard for protection

-for Nora? A bodyguard?

-Yes, you  know about her state…right? –he can see the his face in shock after a few seconds in silence, not believing what he was hearing…

-Oh…-the man slurps some saliva and look dead into a wall –well I have my theory’s…

-Did you see Nora lately?

-Looting spare parts for turrets and water purifiers, as usual, cleaning buildings two weeks ago –Arthur cover his face with his hand and sighted.

-I don’t…expect…much less oblige you to make her try to stop going to places, we know how stubborn she is, im sure she is going to be in movement even in labor, but I want you to protect her with your life, watch a step ahead of her eyes, have well know every surrounding to prevent complications of any kind, no matter if is a lonely drugged raider sleeping in a corner or a slide were she can fall and hurt herself

-I know what fearing for your pregnant woman is, I did it for mine too a long time ago –the mercenary push his knuckles, playing with his hands- but she is really a difficult case

-Indeed, but I can double the bet –he can see how he raised an eyebrow curious- you have a son right? Dunkan if im not wrong

-What about it? –even if it was a father to father conversation Maccready didn’t like the name of his son in the mouth of a stranger

-Besides of your monetary compensation I can give you son a place in the Prydwen

-My son is not going to be a soldier –Maccready said firmly- he wants to be a farmer, he is a nice kid who likes to wake up early to see the first trays of sunlight in the morning, take care of the garden and correct me when I said a badword

Oh. Cute. Arthur thought.

-Initiates can fail and be expelled too if he doesn’t adapt, but in the Prywen and the airport in the time he stays there he will have 3 meals a day, a warm environment, a clean bed, hot showers, tons of other kids in his age to play and education, we can give more to your child than just surviving  each  day

The mercenary froze and Arthur saw genuine interest in his gaze. Gotcha.

-Nora is a thought one, im sure she doesn’t need protection.

-Everyone needs protection in the wastelands

-You know I fail at protecting my wife from a group of ghouls right? Dunkan and I barely survived –his voice turned down and Arthurs head too, looking at the floor. Both stay in silence- I loved her

-Nora told me good things about you.

-Im sure she did

Silence again.

-If she gets in a situation of vulnerability I want someone to catch and protect her

-How much is she right now?

-4 months –Robert was surprised he didn’t associate her thinn waist disappearing with a pregnancy.

-How do you plan that she accepts me at her side that much? She doesn’t let anyone stick to her boots.

Oh boi he knew: so she was like this with everyone.

-That’s your problem, that’s what the caps are for doesn’t? –not a patient person the elder doesn’t?

-Im sure about wanting this for Dunkan more than the caps, but im don’t know how to do it

-I can hire any mercenary to watch over my pregnant woman, but its going to be easier if is someone she knows for both

-Does she knows about this?

-Absolutely not –Maccready stay in silence, thinking.

-So I’m just sticking to her out of nothing for 5 months more.

-Unless she changes her mind and decides to come back to the Prydwen with me and stay safe

-Should I ask? –said the mercenary raising an eyebrow

-No

Both look down, one thinking, one ashamed.

-Can I have backups? Other guards? A squad? Or just the two of us?

-Whatever you need, ill rise the compensation if you do it, there’s no such a thing like a high price for the safety of my child.

When Dunkan was born he wished to say the same things for him, but he wasn’t as wealthy or important to afford it.

-And what about her?  -Arthur watch at him- does her safety matter? –how dare this assassin to ask him that.

-I do the impossible each day for her sake

Sure, that was enough

-Ill do it –cool, they seal the deal- Ill protect Nora and stay by her side

-Bring me a proof that she is still pregnant by the next month to collect your caps, talk to your kid about the brotherhood for now, get him used. If you back up believe me I’m going to be aware that you fail to me and make you suffer the consequences.

Cool.

-Chill, you just hired me 5 minutes ago and already menacing me?

Arthur rolled his eyes, looking for something in his pocket.

-Just making sure that you understand the importance of the job

-Huge redflag, but I gotta work because bills gotta get paid–the elder raised an eyebrow confused- like she says…-more silence from the other side, apparently not catching it- It’s a thing that Noras says, never find it funny, I’m still looking forward for someone who understand it and explain me –because the concept of bills and services doesn’t exist anymore in the Commonwealth none understand what it mean.

-Never heard of it –he throw to Maccready a bag of caps, the loud bag fall to the ground near to his boots making a huge sound that surprised the mercenary, never heard such a heavy bag- 1000 caps to cover your expenses, I own you the other 4000 for the next month, be wise and use them to protect Nora from any danger even if she causes it

-Not a word to her right? Act natural –Maccready pick the bag, not expecting it to have that much weight despite being small. Never had such a big payment before in his hands.

-Exactly –Arthur sighted, sad that he had to plan this situation because she refused to accept his help.

Maccready saw his pain, it gives him curiosity what reason they have to be…separated but he understand his side: he would fear for Noras safety if she was pregnant with his child too, he wouldn’t trust her to stay safe and not have any accident.

-You will have your kid, both are going to be fine, Nora and your baby.

-I hope you do the impossible to keep her safe and out of trouble

-At least safe of that troubles

-Where is she now?

-Sanctuary last time we separated, ill ask around if she is not there and find her, but I have to plan my approach so I need that time anyway

The elder sighted and nodded.

-Alright, ill head back, if I stay too much around rumors will start spreading and she will get the news for sure, reach her as soon as possible.

-I expect youll get the news of the two of us wandering the wastelands or at least Sanctuary together

-Of course, but try to make her stay indoors, for safety, I was unable to do it

Arthur leave Castle with a sour taste in his mouth but this was necessary and he had other business to attend lately than just be chasing that sneaky woman. Now it was the mercenarys duty to keep her ass safe. Even if he couldn’t keep her own woman alive back then.