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re-re-redline · 22 hours ago

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I am so glad you asked

What a Convo Between the Two Looks Like:

Rider: “……”

Saber: “………”

Rider: “……”

Saber: “………”

Rider: “Look, I’m so—“

Saber: “For the good of Rome, kill yourself.”

Rider: *Stunned silence.*

Rider: “…A-Alter. Just listen to me, I—!”

Saber: “Unnecessary. I already know and I don’t care.”

Rider: “………”

As you can see, Alter just cuts Constantine off anytime he speaks directly to him. He wants to hear nothing from him and is 99% sure he knows exactly what his creator is going to say next, and funnily enough? He’s actually right on the money most of the time.

Now, the contents of what he does say to Constantine vary depending on whose in the room with the two of them. He’s not going to say anything particularly inflammatory or cut deep with his insults if anyone else is around—Master especially—because he knows that someone’s going to jump to Constantine’s defense and that could start a fight. Hence he keeps it on the down low in public.

But in private? Oh, he’s not holding back. Alter constantly tells Constantine to off himself because, thanks to Alter now being here, Constantine is no longer needed in Chaldea.

Think about it. Alter is the ideal that Constantine made up of himself, he is THE BEST Constantine there is purely because of the fact that Micheal sees him that way (or saw due to Constantinople’s interference making it not so anymore.) So why would Master need someone like Constantine (Rider) when Constantine (Saber) now exists, hm? And if that’s not convincing then compare kits. Alter actually does damage and can survive way longer than Constantine can and ever will. And that’s all that matters to Master, right? Damage and survivability.

You see the picture I’m painting here? Alter constantly attacks Constantine’s insecurities when they both happen to be alone because he absolutely hates Constantine for giving Constantinople the material she needed to create him the way he is now.

And all poor Constantine can do is just stand there and take it because he knows Alter’s right about most of what he said. The one thing that Constantine will never ever concede to Alter is the fact that he is needed. Master NEEDS him and he knows that. His predecessors and the Holy Progenitor need him. His friends: Don Quixote & Sancho, both Vlads, Johanna, and so, so many more need him. He knows for a fact that there will be a Constantine shaped hole that cannot be filled if he were to end himself like Alter wants him to. And Micheal could never hurt the people he loves like that ever. …Unless he were giving his life for them, of course.

But yeah, Alter is not shy about showing his contempt. He just dials it down when other people are present to keep the peace. Though you can tell that he’s slowly getting angrier by the second when his sword starts emitting that ghastly cursed red aura from it. It starts off dim but gets to be an almost crackling and bright flame on his sword when he’s at his limit, it’s that apparent.

Thankfully for everyone, Alter doesn’t start on his own so the two can awkwardly sit in silence in a room together and nothing will happen. The two will just be sitting in envy of each other until one leaves.

Constantine is envious of Alter’s stoicism and ability to shake things off. He always tried to be that person when he was alive but just couldn’t hold himself together because of the immense pressure and stress he was under during those four years of his reign. He wanted to be the man his people deserved but could never truly fulfill that lofty standard he set for himself and that only led to his strong self loathing after death.

Alter is envious (as much as he can be) of Constantine’s ability to feel as well as his having memories of his family and friends in life. Alter wants to cry, to be afraid of dying and to feel weak or inadequate—he wants to feel all of the negative crap that Constantine loathes because that’s what completes a person. He also very much wants to feel joy and contentment like Constantine does. Maybe then when he finally gets his emotions back, he’ll understand why his chest tightens slightly every time he sees a family having fun. Maybe he’ll understand why he can’t bring himself to get new earrings, or why the person who gave them to him is so important to him. Maybe he’ll understand why he feels the ever so slight need to watch over Master like a hawk when they get sick. Maybe he’ll understand why…

See, the two of them envy what the other has not realizing that it actually sucks more than they think it does. They both simultaneously understand each other the most and the least out of everyone and it’s just… UGH! It’s both riveting and infuriating to watch these two interact for that reason. Ugh… These two need to reconcile so bad. You’d probably need to use a Command Spell to get Alter to not cut off Constantine mid-sentence and actually listen to him. You also would probably need to give Micheal a big pep talk so he can have the courage he needs to actually say what he’s really feeling. It’ll be messy but it is possible!

Endnote: I hope I answered your question! Alter’s pretty difficult to write dialogue wise because of how utterly dry he is, but that only adds to the tragedy of his existence. He could be more in that department but he just isn’t because he can’t be anything more. But you could definitely see on his face that the contempt runs so, so deep. Hence why he solely stabs at Micheal’s insecurities whenever they get to talk alone. A precise set of strikes that tells Constantine all he needs to know about what Alter thinks of him.

Alter would probably explode in anger—and yelling at the top of his lungs and grabbing Constantine by the collar and shaking him kind of anger—if they weren’t in Chaldea. The walls are thinner than they look and Alter, yet again doesn’t want to start anything with anyone else to keep the peace. That’s Alter at his most animated, otherwise he’ll be snarling and fuming at his creator. Shooting him dirty looks when he thinks no one’s looking and what not.

But that’s all I got for now. Thank you for your kind words and sharing your thoughts! I loved answering.

Have a good day, and I’ll be seeing you!

—Redline, over and out!

Constantine XI Alter (Saber)

>Spoilers for Constantine’s Interlude<

Foreword: This was supposed to be a sketch, I swear. But on another note, I am alive! Just slowly working up to writing after a few hectic weeks. But the train is moving, just very slowly which I imagine is nothing new. One thing I HAVE been getting up to is my painting of portraits of my blorbos for their birthdays. I suck at drawing anything festive, so I hope the quality of the piece makes up for it, hehe… I have Constantine’s done and I am extremely proud of it.

Buuut that’s in February, so let’s get into my explanation and thoughts on this hypothetical of my boi! Starting off with…why he looks like this.

(I would also like to note that I haven’t ran this through TTS yet so there probably is some grammatical errors and for that I will apologize in advance, I will iron them out soon.)

On the Subject of Appearance:

Alright, obvious and iconic Alter color palette aside, what’s up with the vast amounts of white? Because… Our guy wears black mostly in his first ascension and then dies it down in his second by adding a LOT of red, so it’d make sense his alternative would be set apart by having him wear and have the color white. Plus it illustrates just how DIFFERENT he is compared to Micheal, how opposite or perhaps…opposing he is. But more on that later. (Also I was planning on this being just a sketch so I wasn’t really thinking of coloring anything until his second ascension when I realized I would have to in order to communicate how different he is from Constantine and it kinda snowballed from there. Oops…)

Now…about the, uh, cracks on his skin. THAT is marble. Sections of Alter’s body are petrified marble with a few dry cracks in the skin. Why? Because of the legend circulating after his death of him being a marble statue. It’s like how Hans has mermaid scales and how Okita will forever have tuberculosis, Alter’s body along with several other things were affected by how people saw him. I’ll get into it more later.

But! There are some cool things, or not cool rather, to note about the marble patches on his body. Like how a lot of pain he’d feel is nullified by it thanks to lack of, y’know, nerves. This also goes for sensations in general as he wouldn’t know if you were tapping him on the shoulder or were pouring boiling water on that spot. So yeah, sections of his body cannot feel but can still move just fine. It doesn’t impede his movement at all! It just…cracks a lot.

If you ever see him stretch and pop his spine, you will not only hear the snapping of bones but also stone splitting. Don’t worry, it’ll fix itself so you don’t have to worry about him sustaining major damage from just moving around. It’ll just take some getting used to.

Now. You may have noticed that the marble patches grow more the further into his ascensions he is, to the point where his armor receives patches of marble on it too. Now this wouldn’t even be something to mention if not for the fact that I’d like to think that anything new he wears in his 2nd and 3rd ascension starts petrifying slowly over time. Not all the way but enough to the point where it gets to be a chore doing laundry.

But yeah, that’s all I got for his design so far. On to the next!

On The Subject of Class and Gameplay:

If you play JP or have Clairvoyance then you already know why its not the obvious choice. Because his legend mentions specifically that the angel who wakes him up will give him the sword he used on his final day. So it’d make sense that his class would change to Saber.

Now. In this hypothetical where I’m the one designing him as a unit. I’d imagine his gameplay to be like so:

2 Buster Cards with 5 hits, 2 Arts Cards with 4 hits, and 1 Quick card with 3 hits. Same card numbers but different hits.

His NP would be an Offensive Buster NP that does the following: Increase Buster Card Effectiveness for 3 Turns, Increase ATK for 1 Turn, Inflict Curse, Deal Major defense ignoring damage to one/all enemies, Restore HP by 2,000 (effect increases with Overcharge), Apply Resistance to Death by 5000% for 1 time (non-stackable) and Apply a stackable Guts for 5 turns that restores half of Constantine XI Alter (Saber)’s HP upon Death.

That is one hell of an NP that not only hits hard but also provides major survivability which is what Constantine is all about. Now, I could quite decide if he should be a Single Target or an AOE but I do imagine his gameplay to be your awesome clutch soloist unit for CQ’s, Advanced Quests or boss fights. Is this really cool hypothetical NP is a showing of my massive bias? …Maybe. But that’s not important, onto the skills!

Skill 1: The Ends Justify The Means (A) [Cooldown at LV.10 is 6 Turns]

Increase Buster Card Effectiveness for 3 Turns, Increase ATK for 3 turns for All Party Members and Apply Target Focus to All Party Members Excluding Constantine XI Alter (Saber) for 3 Turns.

Skill 2: Demise Privilege (Alternative) (C) [Cooldown at LV.10 is 7 Turns]

Increase NP Gauge for Self by 50%, Gain crit.stars per turn for 3 turns, Remove 2,000 HP from all Non-Roman Party Members and Restore HP by 3,000 to self, Apply Guts to self for 3 Turns.

Skill 3: Legend of The Marble Emperor (EX) [Cooldown at LV.10 is 6 Turns]

Apply a State Where Upon Hitting an Enemy, Inflict Curse (1,000 DMG) and Disastrous Curse for 3 Turns, Apply Special ATK to enemies with Curse.

As you can see, Alter is a very selfish DPS that drains HP from his non-Roman allies to keep himself alive along with inflicting curse stacks for damage over time. He’s be a nice pair up with Van Gogh for that last thing. And much like his NP, he really wants to live and it’s going to be difficult to kill him. So yes! Soloist in the form of a Saber.

Is his kit too cracked? …Maybe. Maybe not. I’ll let you all tell me what’s what.

On the Subject of Composition:

Constantine XI Alter is a Saber class servant comprised of three parts.

The first and the largest portion—the base, if you will—is Constantine’s ideal self, dreamed up during his final years of life in the late 1400s. As we are aware, Constantine utterly despises how weak he thinks he is. He hates the fact that he feels like he wants to breakdown and cry so much, he hates the fact that he’s terrified of dying, and most of all he hates that he isn’t strong enough to take the current crisis in stride like he believed his idols would have. Thus, Constantine saw his ideal self as a man who would not feel fear in times of crisis, would not cry when he was losing, and would not break under pressure. A truly stoic and strong leader that can handle any sort of disaster, that is to say: an emperor who wins and survives.

The second part that makes up this servant are the wishes of the people of Constantinople. After Constantine death, a rumor floated around that the emperor had not died. He was rescued by an angel at the brink of death and turned into a statue. He would then sleep in a hidden cave underneath the Golden Gate of Constantinople awaiting the call of an angel who would restore his form and give him the sword he used in the final battle. It was a lovely thing to hope for and believe in, thus that rumor turned into a legend backed by the hopes and dreams of the people. It is this that would have completed this variation of Constantine had it not been for…

The third and final part is less of a ‘part’ per se and more of a distortion of what already existed. A wild, vengeful anger and grief corrupted what would have been the lovely culmination of the ideal self of Constantine plus the people’s hopes and dreams and twisted it into a cold automaton hellbent on continuing the existence of Rome as he knew it no matter the cost. These intense negative emotions came from the one and only Constantinople herself. When our favorite emperor perished and the Ottomans took over, there was no one as throughly stricken by grief—if we ignore George and Constantine’s remaining family—as Constantinople. It was pure agony to watch her people be murdered, enslaved and violated for days with the subsequent rebuild and installation of new buildings hurting too. But the most painful thing of all was watching her subjects slowly disappear one by one: people she watched grow up and live life for centuries on end vanishing never to return until all that was left was a large group of strangers who now occupied that space. It was maddening to say the least. The result was a lot of time passing and the events of Constantine’s interlude (yes, I read a summary of it and it could not come sooner for me.) While Constantinople WAS forced into slumber through the battle, much like the emperor she is so deeply connected with, Constantinople made a final last ditch effort to have her and Constantine’s wish come true. Thus creation of an Alter of Constantine XI as well as a new singularity set shortly after the death of the real Constantine came to be.

On The Subject of Personality:

Alter is barely like the man we are familiar with, he would be practically unrecognizable if his face and voice were different. The most glaring difference is the lack of any expression on this man’s face. The muscles on his face only move for three reasons: he’s speaking, blinking, or the boiling rage underneath his skin has erupted upon the mention or appearance of the Ottomans. He just carries that same deadpan expression no matter what happens, good or bad. This is due to Constantine’s wishes to be a truly stoic man down to his core. Though, thanks to the distortion caused by Constantinople, most of his other emotions have been muted to make room for the, and I quote: “Boiling Rage™ that is 100% necessary and important to the restoration and maintenance of the Byzantine Empire. Yup, totally required. Why? Because screw you that’s why!”— Constantinople, circa Right Now. I jest, I jest. But really. Alter is either having tiny tinges of emotion flittering around in his skull sometimes—you know like the alleged to exist fruity taste of La Croix—or pure and absolute anger, no in between. Thankfully, for masters, the percentages of the anger is incredibly low unless for some odd reason you have Ottoman Turks that keep appearing left and right in your area.

Unlike our friend Micheal, or any sapient being really, Alter doesn’t really…have opinions. He’s just neutral about most things in the world and mostly shrugs at whatever he’s interacting with. Good weather? Okay. Great food? Okay. Amazing friends? Okay. The milk went bad and the store’s closed right now? Okay. You stepped on the corner of five different Lego blocks on your way to the bathroom? Okay. Your pillow is scorching hot and you can’t sleep? Okay. Several hundred people just died in utter agony? O—you get the point. I’m sure you know the one exception that Alter has, but allow me to provide you with one and we’ll get into another in the next section. The red earrings on his ears, cracked beyond belief yet still hanging just fine… Yes, Alter likes those. That’s why he hasn’t taken them off or removed them. Why? Well… He vaguely recalls someone important to him gifting him these. That man, after helping Constantine put his on, took out another similar pair and placed them on his own ears. He then said: “Now we match! Plus, I’ll be able to pick you out in even the most dense of crowds, my lord, as these earrings are one of a kind.”

(Yes, I headcanon that George gifted Constantine his iconic red earrings and has a matching blue pair for himself so that they both kinda match but hold their individuality all the same. A nice little thought that warms my heart.)

On The Subject of Speech:

The way this man talks is so dry and bland that one would think that Alter is bored out his skull by simply existing. His voice is so flat and borderline monotone, no effort to emphasize anything or even to make digesting the info easier. And to make matters perhaps worse he doesn’t talk much and tends to make what little he does say compact. It’s a flavorless way of communication that only changes when, you know, the Boiling Rage surfaces.

You know how in Constantine’s Bond Profile #1 it states that he “sometimes speaks more roughly in times of duress?” (Or “a more crude tone” if we’re reading the fan translation.) Yeah, well that’s no longer a sometimes. He still doesn’t talk much but man is he swearing and being rude as hell when he is pissed. The imperial decorum that our Micheal lives by has gone out of the window and will not be seen again until Alter calms down. No, he won’t apologize to anyone. Don’t bother, it’s a fruitless endeavor.

On the Subject of His Knowledge:

Alright, what does Alter know about himself? He knows that he was crafted by Constantine to be the ideal version of him. He knows about the legend surrounding his death and that being the reason for the petrification on his body. And he knows about Constantinople messing with his Spirit Origin and his current reason for existing and the objective that comes with it. …That’s it. That is all he knows.

Nothing about his personal life or his family or his best friend who had his back throughout it all, nothing. In its place are vague and fuzzy vignettes of familiar people he can’t put a name or face to that appear in his mind’s eye from time to time.

Now, as for his opinions on what he knows… Uh, I’ll just get the one with the least words on it out of the way first. The petrification thing? Yeah, he could not care less. The patches of marble on his body don’t limit his mobility any and yeah, the petrifying of his clothes is kind of annoying but it’s slow enough to where it’s not that big of a deal. It’s whatever.

Now. As for his creation—that being Constantinople messing with him and him being Constantine’s ideal self—he has a…not very good opinion on the two. And by that I mean he absolutely hates them.

He hates Constantinople for twisting his already good spirit origin into what it is now and placing within him an undying anger. He also hates her for basically using him as a tool to get what she wants all because the ‘real’ Constantine rejected her wishes, essentially using him as a replacement. Not good.

He hates Constantine for cursing him with the ridiculous traits of being stoic down to his core as well being the ‘perfect’ emperor for his people. Because of that, not only does he not FEEL anything at all but he also has this immense pressure in his very soul that he MUST have Rome survive at all costs and that he must solely devote himself to that cause with every fiber of his being. Yes, the severity of those traits were caused by Constantinople’s anger and grief distorting him but the base traits were all on Constantine.

Now, in Constantine’s defense (because I am a Constantine defender), he had no idea that this would happen let alone that an Alter of himself based on what he saw as his ideal self, the emperor his people deserved and would suit them best, even existed in the first place. It was a dream to him. A dream of a man who was much better than he was, doing way better than he is and winning all at once. That is all that Alter was to him then and what he was to Constantine before the singularity.

Endnote: Whew… That was a lot! But I think that was I’ve got on Alter. As you can see, I’d been doin’ a big think on him and he was a very fun character to design both artistically and in writing. I h Endnote:

Whew… That was a lot! But I think that was I’ve got on Alter. As you can see, I’d been doin’ a big think on him and he was a very fun character to design both artistically and in writing. I hope you don’t mind the crumminess in the piece, if you can even call it that. I wasn’t joking when I said it was supposed to be a sketch hence the noticeable climb in effort across the ascensions.

In other more exciting news… I have 10 followers! Ten whole people! That’s enough to get one of those long tables at the fancy restaurants with!

It’s quite the milestone, one I was not expecting. So, to celebrate, I’m going to bypass the order of things I WANTED to get through with before I did this sort of thing—since I didn’t think I’d get 10 followers, honestly. But, I will be dropping a poll sometime soon—before the day’s end Nope, way too sleepy right now.—of a few headcanons you guys can choose from for me to do next! And not JUST for Constantine, Mehmed, or Sannan—no, no. I will also be tacking on my two other blorbos that I have neglected to mention, them being Hajime-chan (my strongest Saber) and Izou (my strongest Assassin.) So it’ll be Multi-Core Headcanons (haha), five people in one list. And don’t you worry, it won’t be like, one paragraph long or anything half-assed. That shit will be long, like 4k minimum per person which would—if I strictly hang around that number—would be a 20k long HC list.

So case in point! It’ll be a celebration and I implore you to vote.

But yeah. That’s all for this post. I’ll also be posting something else shortly after that is NOT the poll but a nice occurrence for lil’ ol’ me. If you have questions, comments, a desire for elaboration or a keyboard smash of your thoughts, let me know! And I’d like to thank you all for indulging my delusions today and before today and I hope you all have a great day.

—Redline, over and out!

#i love how‚ apart from his np‚ alter’s survivability hinges on his allies taking the blows #it’s like odysseus’ skill‚ except more selfish #i wonder how he’d react to constantine in‚ say‚ his my room lines #would he plain out be snarling? hold nothing back and let constantine know of his contempt for him?#or would he temper himself? his poisonous words like an active volcano that constantly teases the point of eruption?#this is a really well-made and interesting alter btw!! :d #<-prev tags #kōnstantînos xi #constantine xi #constantine xi fgo #kōnstantînos xi fgo #Constantine XI alter #Kōnstantînos XI Alter #re-re-reblog

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moondrops-and-ink · 1 year ago

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I hate you 8-5 job

I hate you mental illness

I hate you exhaustion

I hate you capitalism

I hate you bills

I hate you fucked up left wrist that needs a specialist

Every single thing listed above is a weight pressing on my chest that prevents me from getting up and reaching my true height.

I loathe how almost every moment of my day is packed and I have no energy to create art when I DO have time. I hate it I hate it I hate it! I want to wake up and get coffee and sit at a nice desk covered in plants in my home and have natural light coming in through my window! I want to draw characters I know people will love, write stories that make people feel seen, loved, happy, or hurt. I want to tell my cat I'm not leaving again and I'm spending my days with him so his short life isn't wasted waiting for me to get home to then be too exhausted to properly play with him! I want to enjoy cooking again! I want to see green trees and smell fresh air! I want to wake up and not immediately be hit with dread about debt, my job, the politics trying to kill my community!

I WANT TO HEAL AND LIVE BUT AMERICAN CAPITALISM IS FUCKING STUPID.

#i cant draw rn #left hand fucked up #and i hate that i feel the need to create constantly #i hate that I feel its never enough bc of arbitrary shit like followers and notes #i hate that to make art a career i have to know SEO and code to trick social media into showing my art #i want a simple life and I mourn the simple woman who lives in the woods ill never become #rant #vent #world politics #art #capitalism #american capitalism #anti work #im a commie socialist and proud

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ultra-violetra · 1 year ago

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so I wanted to say that since I'm really enjoying this event, I will likely continue to post about it, including analysis. I want to talk about the game mechanics and strategies but it's been so hard to do without people thinking you're talking about the discourse. I think as a community we all need to be a little less jumpy about this event, because I've seen posts of people being afraid to talk about the team their watching because they don't want to be dragged into discourse. I think a lot of genuinely lighthearted posts about a fun event are being misconstrued as something malicious

all of my posts are made with the spirit of friendly competition. a lot of other people are posting like this too! people should be able to do this without getting accused of hating ccs or being unfair

i've been posting a lot about red team, specifically because that's who i've been watching the most. i watch pretty much every english speaking qsmp member, it just so happens that right now i have a sub to foolish so i've been watching him so i don't have to deal with ads. because of this, i will probably continue to talk about red team the most. i'll talk about blue and green teams when i watch them! if i had the time to watch vods from every team and do a complete strategy analysis, i would. but I don't have that time. i genuinely don't care which team wins, but that doesn't mean I won't be rooting for certain teams on certain days. like on day 2, red team going from barely visible on the score bar to winning the day was an amazing underdog story! of course i'm going to root for them! and for day 3 I was rooting for green team because i want to see fitmc tryhard!

at the end of the day this is a fun event. it's fun for the ccs so it should be fun for the fandom. and if you're scrolling thru tags and getting upset/annoyed/angry at people posting about a friendly competition, you might need to reevaluate yourself

#really just posting this as a precaution bc I feel like people get mad at me for posting about strategies and it makes me sad #because i'm trying to have fun #and i would love to watch and support everyone but i cant there isnt enough time and i dont speak french #anyway let people support red team without getting jumped #they're just talking about their streamer like chill #like genuinely the way people are talking on here makes me feel bad for supporting red team #until i remember that i did nothing wrong they're just being mean #i get youre defensive but like YOU are the one creating discourse my guy #we're just over here talking #thought about switching it up for today and watching blue team but then i rememberd #i dont have to appease you i can do what i want #if i want to watch red team and talk about red team then i can do so #if you have a problem with that it's your own fault #sorry these tags are really sassy but like fr people need to chill #talking about the discourse all the time only makes it worse #and i want to keep talking strategy without having to defend myself constantly #because i hate when people intentionally misinterpet my words #ok rant over #qsmp

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outeremissary · 11 months ago

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I feel like when I'm done with my current projects and obligations I'm going to at least stop posting art for a while. When I think about it, I don't believe there's much reason for me to continue sharing. It's been on my mind for a while. Maybe I'll feel different later but idk. I think in general Tumblr fandom has morphed into being an aggressively negative experience for me over the last few months and even when I'm not experiencing a Bad Mental Time there's a sense of... disconnection at best. The fact I think about this so frequently says a lot, I think.

I probably shouldn't be so negative on main but like... idk? I don't like feeling like I always have to at least try to muster up something more perky and positive and it's a personal failing when I don't or can't or struggle.

#like... who am I doing this for?#I think I don't enjoy the things people around me enjoy and I have no desire to linger when I don't seem to build connections as a result #when I feel like I'm playing roulette constantly on whether the dash is going to be just a drain on my energy #if sharing my work is just going to make me feel bad because I keep thinking 'everyone hates me for this'#why am I doing it? I enjoy the process of creating. I can enjoy that without trying to share.#I feel like I need to unfollow people but I know some people hold grudges about that and I'm not up to navigating that.#rambling #whoo sleep deprived earnesty #the good news is I colored some flowers I really liked recently! I'm hopeful about that piece.

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helenofblackthorns · 2 days ago

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ooo to add onto this, I feel like this whole situation become so so much more interesting & complex when you read it with the knowledge gained from the infernal devices. because by the time city of heavenly fire is published, it's very very clear that Jace is Tessa's descendant; the family tree literally spells it out for you. TID's main plot is all tied up in Tessa's weird ancestry, ultimately being revealed that she is the daughter of an unblessed Shadowhunter & the greatest of all Eidolon demon and by being her descendant, Jace is their descendant too. the mortal instruments works best when you're aware of the irony that Jace really did have demon blood all along, and that was intentional fairly early on (Tessa first appears in at the end City of Glass and is clearly there talking to Magnus bc one of her descendants just appeared out of thin air lol).

I definitely have my critiques with how Jonathan & his demon blood was handled at times but also CC does hint towards the flaws of how the characters view Jonathan & I know I forget that sometimes lol. like the second half of tmi, where we see the most of Jonathan, was directly juxtaposed with the infernal devices when it was being published. there's an obvious parallel between Tessa and Jonathan, as they're both the product of child experimentation combining angel and demon blood in order to create a new species of people, but Tessa very decidedly not evil because she wasn't raised by a egotistical manipulator who wanted her to be. multiple times are we showed both Jocelyn and Valentine having biases about Jonathan that aren't actually found on anything, although with Valentine these tend to come from extra content (theres a mini comic & Jonathan's "fun fact" in the flower book comes to mind too). I do wish there was a little more within the actual series tho tbh.

as for Jace reclaiming the name Herondale, I think it's just that. Valentine raised him to be anyone, and thus no one, a changeling (Tessa parallel??). his name wasn't given to him, but someone else, and he grew up living someone else life. as far as anyone was concerned, Valentine especially, there was no baby Herondale. To me, by choosing the name Herondale, Jace defies Valentine and all his plans by reaffirming he was someone before he tried to erase him. Valentine told him who he was, who he should be by constantly robbing Jace of what he had, and the very first thing he took was Stephen and Celine, and their parents (directly or indirectly). Jace can't hate them or love them, because he never knew them. and if the Herondales die without him, then it just another thing Valentine stole from him.

like idk to me, it's less about whether or not Jace had a relationship with Stephen (or any Herondale) that justifies him continuing on the family name, because he doesn't. but by being a Herondale, he survives Valentine and everything he did. everything Valentine did was meaningless in the end — he didn't need to do it! circling back to Tessa, if Valentine wanted a shadowhunter with demon blood that badly, he had one standing right next to him willing to do whatever he wanted! nobody asked him to start sacrificing sons to the cause of creating a better world in his image.

(side note, I imagine the reason he doesn't consider the Montclaire name is because it's probably already been reclaimed by the Clave or has other members still continuing it. Herondale was still being used by Imogen up until her death in City of Ashes so it dying out is a very recent development)

it's 2am this might have stopped being coherent ages ago but like also idk if I read that as Jace saying people can't change tbh. to me he's saying that names in and of themselves don't really change anything, like Jonathan dying his hair black didn't change anything either. a name is just a name, and Herondale was supposed to be his. something could also be said on how it parallels Clary too because Jocelyn spent her own life pretending she was Clary Fray, a normal mundane girl, but she wasn't. Valentine would have wanted her to be Clary Morgenstern, but she wasn't that either.

My firmest TSC take will always be that Jace should have gone by Lightwood in the end. I get that him being a Herondale makes sense in the grand scheme of the TSC universe (him, Will, James, Kit, and Edmund are all birds of a feather), but his personal arc is far more dependent on the family who raised him. Learning about his biological parents is of course important to him, but calling himself a Herondale doesn't actually feel like a resolution to his identity crisis. TMI is all about rejecting the hatred handed down from previous generations, which is why neither Clary nor Jace identify as Morgensterns. While Stephen was nowhere near as bad as Valentine, he also did even less to shape Jace into his adult self. Robert and Maryse on the other hand actually raised him for half his life, and Alec Isabelle and Max grew up alongside him as his siblings. He's a Lightwood in every way that matters, I don't get why Jace (in-universe) would choose to identify himself as a Herondale when there's nothing tying him to that family but blood spilled before he was born.

Anyways, I'm a Jace Lightwood truther for life, thank you for coming to my tedtalk

#I definitely started five different arguments and concluded none of them 💀 oh well #bella talks

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milo-is-rambling · 2 years ago

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Omg yesterday at my moms therapy I said how well I had been doing and feeling like I can actually handle life and my mom was immediately like “that’s because you’ve been taking your meds regularly again” and like completely brushed off any progress I had actually made and I had to be like yeah totally that’s it that’s why exactly when I haven’t taken my meds for a week straight in idk how long

#I was like yup totally that sure is why I’ve been feeling good totally #not at all that I’ve been spending time to do things I like and journal and process my feelings in healthy ways or that I am consciously #making strides towards regular person sanity #and she fucking brought up adhd meds again like FUCK OFFFFFFF HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY I DONT WANT TO TAKE THEM BEFORE IT CLICKS #I. DONT. WANT. TO. TAKE. THEM. they are a tool in MY mental health toolbox bitch back off my toolbox I know you fucking live adhd meds and #won’t shut up about them but I am happy now and I don’t like my brain on adhd meds and the only reason you want me on them is because you #like me more when I’m doing stereotypically productive tasks so you’d rather have me cleaning the house and not doing the shit I love than #you would have me not taking my meds and making art and writing poetry #like god #she just doesn’t fucking get it #I cannot create when I take adhd meds. that part of my brain just like dissolves.#the way I work is that constantly I have a million projects on the back burner in my mind and when I get inspired I make one #when I take my adhd meds I can’t just pick up a fun project I don’t get those ideas I can’t write poetry I can’t make art it’s like it sever #severs the line between my creative mind and my regular mind and I have nothing in my life that I need to be THAT focused on right now #but I have my perscruption still! like if I ever need it it’s there but that’s not your fucking decision that’s mine and you need to back #off my brain because it is a delicate fucking ecosystem up there in my head and I’m not going to fuck with anything until I have to #god. sorry. went on a bit of a rant. I am just so sick of arguing over my mom wanting to control the way I medicate myself. I am an adult #and she is not inside my brain so she needs to listen when I tell her how things affect me #she takes adhd meds like twice every day and hates the feeling of not being on them but I just don’t like them and she won’t fucking drop it #okay I am getting mad about adhd meds and my mother right before I have to be in the car with her all morning i need to relax #we’re going to psychic we’re gonna have fun #we’re not going to argue about this again.

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nakimushinoai · 2 years ago

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So I finally realized I’m constantly wanting to pour love into somebody else because it’s easier than loving myself. I haven’t slept all night because of this thought.

#nakimushinoai #BLM #Stop Asian Hate #vent post #lgbtqia #it’s not hard to do but ITS SO FUCKING HARD TO DO #i’m starting to think that I feel I am unworthy of love so I project the love that I create to others #which ends up in love bombing I guess #let me not say I guess because now that I’m thinking about it that was definitely my behavior at the end of my last relationship #among other things not loving myself properly definitely resulted in me constantly trying to show the person I’m with that I love them #at the end of the day everyone please remember the love and approval you are seeking you need from yourself before anyone

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persephonaae · 2 years ago

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This is more of a weird format of a vent post than anything, but I'm rarely home alone enough to sing so today I just sang what was on the mind, which is the ending song from Animated Tales of the World, that a user named lauryuchiha created extended lyrics to on youtube, to which I edited slightly as well as put new lyrics to the last chorus because changing them just had more personal meaning to me. But yea. The homeric hymn to Demeter has been very on the mind lately, and it's always a very genuine place I draw emotion from when I'm doing creative things. It's not necessarily good bc I haven't really sung in a bit but it's more coming from a place of how I'm feeling right now than anything and more posting to put that emotion somewhere rather than for some kind of specific audience

#my hands feel very dirty with emotion #i want to create more things from this emotion but i worry about having to keep them secret in case my mother doesnt take well to them #it's not that i do not love her or hold any hate it's just that constantly having to be a daughter is getting to be a little too much #i need breaks from being one thing for too long i need more cycles #me doing music

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daz4i · 1 year ago

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weirdest thing i get told is that I'm strong or resilient. girl i crumble into dust on a weekly basis. i only take the shape of a person the next day bc the wind blows me back into that. i do not want to be doing any of this

#i think. i just don't want ppl to think this is me being strong #bc i feel so weak. the smallest gust of wind makes me fall and fail to get up #when i say i never recovered from anything that has ever happened to me i mean it #it feels like my past and the way it shaped me into this horrible creature keeps pulling me down a bottomless pit #and i feel powerless to stop it. mostly because i don't want to #and i don't WANT to be strong. so how can i be? can you carry a weight without intending to? i don't think so (insert atlas allegory here)#and saying I'm resilient feels like a straight up lie (which is funny since this is what my name means i think). i am like an open wound #a sandcastle constantly getting washed by the waves and my loved ones are a kid building it over and over #...I'm being very poetic rn. most of this is bullshit. sorry. i haven't created in a long while #point is. i hate being called that. bc it's wrong. and if i ever do get better and start wanting to live somehow -#- then being called strong now when I'm doing this bad feels like an insult to my future self #and if I'm strong now then imagine the astronomical strength i would need to actually stop falling and start moving #i wish i was dead and rotting in the ground rn #vent #lots of these tonight. sorry. idk what's going on. maybe it's hormonal shit. maybe my lack of near goal. maybe life just sucks #(all of these are true and combined into one. so. I'm at my lowest ig)

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holographicbutch · 1 year ago

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So emotionally unstable rn it's not even funny btw

#the urge to Give Up On Everything is so fucking strong right now #which sucks because ive been putting in so much effort to actively climb out of this pit #but god. i am fucking worn down #like objectively things are going great! i have my apartment to myself im making more money i have regularly scheduled time w friends #but everything else on top of that is just. taking so much out of me. just like basic living things #and not having the energy to create is a big thing for me right now #theres just never enough time i constantly feel like im running out of time!!!!!!!!!!#i hate it!!!#i need the holidays to be over. that would help i think #anyways. sorry #vent

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tbaluver · 2 months ago

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Can I ask for the Space boys swap bodies with MC? 😂

Swapping Bodies With Them- The Love And DeepSpace Men

parings in order: Xavier x fem! Reader, Zayne x fem! Reader, Rafayel x fem! Reader, Sylus x fem! Reader genre/tags: suggestive content below, silly, fem! masturbation a/n: hihi anonnies! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ i lovee the idea of swapping bodies it's such a silly idea like if i swap bodies with any them i would've started swinging it around til i started flying anyways i hope this was alright ! enjoy reading ! (ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ)♡

⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆

Xavier:

He would have to teach you how to use his evol correctly since you almost flash banged the both of you.

Your poor pussy. He’d have your pussy throbbing from constantly touching himself in your body. He’d get dizzy from the amount of rounds he’s done. The amount of orgasms he’s reached was like a euphoric electric shock throughout your body and it was so addicting.

Xavier would definitely randomly hold your boobs just because he likes the feeling of them. He hates wearing bras and wants your girls to be free.

Once you swap bodies back, you’re going to have to deal with stomach pains and unexpected trips to the bathroom. During his time in your body, Xavier made and ate some of his questionable food combinations and your system wasn’t used to that.

Zayne:

He’s relieved that the person he’s switched bodies is someone that he can trust and someone that he loves. Almost ends up calling the hospital on your phone to call out of work for a couple days. He doesn’t want you to stress out with the workload he deals with while you’re in his body.

Zayne is most definitely taking advantage of this to take care of your health. He’s making sure you’re getting all the nutritious meals that you have been ignoring from him and that you’re getting the right amount of sleep and the right amount of exercise.

Y'know how we casually just grab out boobs randomly? Zayne would definitely do that with yours when you swap bodies and he loves it. He would casually knead one of your breasts or just casually hold it while he reads his patient report. Also gently squeeze it as if it’s a stress ball.

Rafayel:

He took so many cute photos of him in your body. He even went through your shared closet and tried on so many of your outfits and did a little spin in the mirror. Creates cute outfits for you and adds items to his shopping cart for you to wear when you switch bodies again. He even tries all your makeup and just casually did your eyeshadow and your eyeliner wings so perfectly.

He’s obviously going to get curious and play with your pussy. “cutie why does it take soooo long to finish. no wonder you need me. it only takes a minute when i’m in you.”

He would be so flattered when he sees himself in your body and your body is just immediately soaked. He didn’t know it would just be that easy.

He would get SO flustered when you pin him down or tease him in his body. He wasn’t used to being in your height and the size difference but he’s not complaining.

Sylus:

Big. Every inch of him is just big. So waking up in the morning with you in his body can be a little overwhelming especially knowing you got a third arm that drags to the floor in between your legs.

He doesn’t remember ever being this short in a long time so seeing you in his body, he can understand why he can be overwhelming.

He would get curious. His hands would roll upwards up to your breasts, rolling your nipples and kneading them. Then he would lower your hands to your ass, gently pinching them and he would notice the pool in your panties. “Ah, I see why you react that way when I do this to you sweetie.”

If you two were away when you two swapped bodies, he’d take your body out to a nice spa to have your body relaxed and taken care of. He'll also get your nails or hair taken care of while he's out.

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kaijuposting · 1 year ago

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"Saw traps for people with moral OCD" is a phrase that has embedded myself into my brain because, well, Saw traps for people with moral OCD are everywhere.

Stuff that basically amounts to...

"You have to listen to my opinions on [issue], or else you don't care about [issue]. (Constantly talks about how people like you are the absolute worst.)"

Anything that's functionally like, "you have to let me tear you down over things you can't control or you're a bad person."

Anything that's functionally like, "you have to let me vent to you whenever and however I want or else you're a bad person."

"If you enjoy X media/trope, you just hate Y people."

"Everyone knows that X thing is harmful/hateful; if you engaged in it, it's just because you were fine with perpetuating hate/harm."

"You should have just known better/should know this already!"

This thread over here talks about the inherent issues of putting this kind of stuff out there. The TL;DR is that it really only works on people who are mentally unwell and have poor boundaries, while just pissing off everyone else. It really doesn't matter if you're technically correct; you're still attacking people, and that means they're not wrong to block you.

I think that many of these Saw traps are created when people effectively write posts directed toward people who don't want to help, rather than the ones who do. Like, if you catch yourself writing an angry, shame-laden post, ask yourself: who are you writing it for and what are the odds you're going to change their minds? If your mental image is some smug fuck or angry reactionary, you're writing for the wrong person. Write for the person who's curious, who's willing to learn.

Also? Work on figuring out how to transmute negative feelings into positive, encouraging rhetoric. EG:

"Why is there no X positivity?" -> "Let's hear it for X!"

"No one cares about Y problem!" -> "Hey, we need more recognition of Y problem" or "I haven't seen many people talking about Y problem, so here's some info on what's up."

"If you don't reblog this, you don't care about [group]" -> "Please reblog this, it would mean a lot for us [group]."

And if you're really super duper frustrated and want to vent with a lot of nasty words and sentiments? Consider taking it to a private vent channel or a journal or somewhere that a stranger with moral OCD/scrupulosity isn't likely to run across it.

Remember, most people don't want to hurt anyone. More people are ignorant than malicious. People naturally want to do the right thing, so if you feel like you have to guilt them or shame them into it, there's probably a fundamental communication issue somewhere, or they simply lack the context to understand why what you're saying is so important.

#moral ocd #mental health #mental illness #ableism #scrupulosity #scrupulosity ocd #abuse #emotional abuse #communication

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hxney-lemcn · 3 months ago

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Jealousy is a Bitter Look — Overblots x gn! reader

summery: how the overblots react to being jealous (some are a bit more jealous than others, but they all have their moment).

tw: unhealthy attachments (Malleus, but he's working on it). ngl this shows a bit of their flaws so its not complete fluff and a bit of a character study.

a/n: so I can't make a fluffy/cute jealous fic cus I find jealousy an emotion to work on? Like its not terrible to be jealous, it happens to the best of us, I just don't wanna romanticize it? 'Cus if left unchecked it can lead to toxic relationships so that's why I wrote this in a more uplifting manner (?). Idk, I'm weird ik.

wc: 1.5k (~200 per character)

Master List

❥ Riddle Rosehearts

Riddle tried not to get jealous. He trusted you wholly. But sometimes his insecurities got the best of him. Cater was more affectionate, did you wish he were more affectionate like that? Trey was kind, did you wish he would give you more? Ace and Deuce were stupid, but it was undeniable how well you got along, did you wish he were more carefree? Those feelings would tug at his heart, but it was something he needed to work on himself, it wasn’t your problem. That’s what he kept repeating in his mind as he watched you have fun with your friends. Lips downturned hidden behind a teacup, ocean grey eyes sharply watching the scene before him. He thought he was hiding it better, but it was clear to you with how he pouted. Excusing yourself from Ace and Deuce, you made your way to the ruby haired housewarden. Riddle greeted you, eyes softening and frown lifting slightly. You tell him that he could’ve just told you if he was jealous. Unlike some, he won’t deny it fully, instead explaining his reasoning. Work on it with him, reassure him that you like him for him. If you wanted someone else, you wouldn’t be with him, and he takes that to heart.

❥ Leona Kingscholar

Jealousy is Leona’s middle name. After everything he’s been through, constantly being in second place, never getting what he truly wants…he feels like having you will slip through his fingers as well. Being with you, creating all those happy memories…it scares him. That one day you’ll find someone better and all he’ll have left of you are memories. So yes, he does get jealous, quite easily, and he masks it with his ego. He’s the best, don’t look at anyone else, he’s a prince, why would you settle for less? It’s quite clear that he’s jealous, his tail flicking, ears twitching, the sharp glare. When you confront him he won’t tell you the full truth, that’s a step too far at the moment. Be gentle with him, if someone flirts with you, tell them you have a boyfriend. Leona gets this smug smile and a warmth in his chest. As much as he won’t hesitate to claim you if someone won’t stop their advances, he loves it when you claim him. After all, it shows how much you care for him, how much you want him, and even the big bad lion needs a bit of reassurance.

❥ Azul Ashengrotto

He’s actually quite similar to Leona in this regard. Azul was bullied when he was younger, which led him to having an inferiority complex about almost everything. He is bad at hiding it as well, clearly needing to be reassured that he was doing well and he was a good partner. It was just hard for him to comprehend that someone as amazing as you was actually with someone like him. He loves you so intensely, he can’t help but let his insecurities get the best of him sometimes. He thinks you’d hate his mer form or that someone that could offer you more will swoop you away from him. He wouldn’t even blame you, he’d just be hurt he couldn’t do more for you. (He’s thinking all this even though he would and could offer you the world if you asked). When someone is trying to flirt with you outright he’s trying to mask his insecurity with his suaveness, asking if the person needs anything and if you're uncomfortable he leaves in a small threat about Floyd not being in a good mood (if you’re really uncomfortable he might use Jade as the threat instead). Azul checks in on you, but if you're smiling he might die a bit. Please just reassure him that you only have eyes for him.

❥ Jamil Viper

Unlike Leona and Azul, Jamil doesn’t get that jealous or has an inferiority complex. No. Instead, he knows you wouldn’t go behind his back, after all, you managed to become his partner and that’s a feat in itself. He does get smug when you tell someone off, or politely inform them that you have a boyfriend. Jamil reveals in their look of defeat (he is a bit of a sadist in that regard). The time his jealousy truly shines is when Kalim is in the equation. He refuses to allow Kalim to take anything else from him, never mind you. The way Kalim easily makes you smile, steals your time with frivolous parties, puts his hands on you…yeah it's a feat that Jamil didn’t snap. Jamil is very good at masking his feelings, but the facade unravels when you both are alone for once. Give him your attention, affection, love, reassure him through touch that you want him. If you poke and prod enough he’ll admit he’s jealous, how it just reminds him that Kalim always takes and takes, afraid that you’ll fall for the charm (that Jamil couldn’t understand) of Kalim and fall into his arms instead. But when you soothe him, tell him that you see Kalim more of a brother if anything…Jamil will calm down and realize how foolish he’s being.

❥ Vil Schoenheit

Vil, jealous? Yeah no. Not normally at least. Have you seen him? Vil is one of the fairest of them all. If someone tried flirting with you he’d laugh in their face if that wasn’t disgraceful. If anything, you were the lucky one in this relationship…he does cherish you though, and he loves you more than he’d like to admit. You may be a lucky potato…but he was one lucky man as well. He managed to snag your heart without the flashing lights and fame, you loved him for who he was and he was grateful. So when Vil watches Neige talk to you with no care in the world, hearts practically in the boy’s eyes…yeah it's the one scenario you’ll witness a jealous Vil. He’ll perch himself by your side, arm slung around you as he greets you with a kiss to the cheek. A pleasant surprise as Vil isn’t this affectionate in public usually. Neige doesn’t seem to take the hint, so Vil ups the ante, talking about your last date and how he’s lucky you chose him. It’s an obvious change (and everyone knows the vitriol Vil holds for Neige). You eat the attention up, but after you're alone in his room, give him a ton of kisses, teasing him about how sweet he was, he doesn’t like to admit his jealousy, but he loves your affection.

❥ Idia Shroud

I’m noticing a pattern. Most of these guys have an inferiority complex. Idia’s is the most obvious. He barely believes you actually like him, so him being jealous is more common than not. Depending on how long you’ve been together he’ll react differently. If it's in the beginning, he’s blaming and degrading himself for not being good enough, that you deserve better and he locks himself in his room. He needs a lot of reassurance in this stage, lots of quality time. The longer you are together the more confident he gets. Someone tries to flirt with you; he's dissing them with his chronically online lingo. Doing that little giggle when you elbow him trying not to grin. Although those self-deprecating thoughts still swirl in his brain, he’s learned to trust and believe you, after all you decided to stay with him for how long? Not to mention that your reassurances made him feel better and trust you. You’ve seen his worst multiple times and you’re still by his side. Besides, if anyone dares insults Idia in their attempt to woo you you go crazy, insulting them which makes Idia want to melt, die, and kiss you all at once.

❥ Malleus Draconia

Malleus is a bit confusing. On one hand he 100% trusts you, on the other he can be a bit childish. You spend too much time without him or go out to something he wasn’t invited to and you’ll find him pouting upon your arrival. He doesn’t mean to, he’s glad you have others to have fun with and he doesn’t want to restrict you in any way…but he is a bit needy when it comes to your affection. He is so touch-starved and isolated that he can’t help but cling to you, feeling a bitter pang when you have to go. If anyone dares to flirt with you it's when he isn’t by your side and you're declining them instantly. If someone is actually insane and tries to flirt with you when Malleus is present either 1. Malleus watches on trying to hide his smugness as you decline or 2. Sebek is shouting insults at them before you even get the chance. All in all, Malleus isn’t too jealous, and when he is he tries to work on his possessiveness. He wants a healthy relationship with you after all, and he’d do anything to make you happy, even if that means letting you go for a day to hang out with your other friends.

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salemlunaa · 1 month ago

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INDUCING PURE CONSCIOUSNESS FROM AN LOA STANDPOINT ᥫ᭡

it should be self explanatory, but i’ll explain it for those who need…

Many people have been in my asks and dms requesting that i explain the void/pure consciousness/ “I Am” state but make it loa based.

so i want to tell you something: you’re already living your dream life, in fact it is no longer a dream.

you have already induced the void and you’re so happy

it’s so easy for you to induce pure consciousness

those things are true for those who claim.

i will repeat this again.

one man says: “inducing pure consciousness is soooo easy, i’ve done and i have everything i’ve ever wanted”

another man says: “the void is so hard, idk why but i just can never enter”

both are correct.

why? because whatever you say is correct, and this is why i barley give attention to self-pitying dms and asks talking about how “they try so hard and it just doesn’t work”, because i’m just like, “okay if you say so” and guess who also says that? your subconscious mind. Of course intrusive thoughts don’t manifest so one thought of: “what if i dont manage to induce?” won’t mean that you wont be able to enter. But constantly wavering is what confuses you subconscious and constantly speaking into the idea that you can’t do it doesn’t make things any better.

Honestly, you guys come on here, get a rush of excitement and happiness after reading a few motivational posts and then you go back into your slump and the cycle repeats. But you must stand firm, and those who have induced pure consciousness always take time to rave about how easy it was all along, how effortless, how simple and why? because it is, reprogramming your mind doesn’t have to be this 4 week long character development arc, it doesn’t have to be at the hands of some blogger’s challenge, you can change your assumptions now.

Your subconscious mind has no eyes, just ears, so if you tell yourself that you’re a master at inducing the void, it will happen. And i’m not saying to be delusional, because there’s nothing to be delusional about, it’s a fact that the 3d isn’t your true reality. You’re not “tricking your subconscious mind” it’s just fact.

“i hate my life so much why didn’t i stay awake and induce pure consciousness when i had the chance”

NO.

tell yourself, “this isn’t real, I have everything I’ve dreamed of because I have induced the void and can whenever I feel like”

“i didn’t induce again, another day in my shitty reality, time to wake up to go get ready for the school/job i hate”

NO.

tell yourself ��i did induce the void state and im so good at it, i manifested everything, im so happy”

“shit. why did i have to procrastinate the void, i hate myself so much”

NO.

“I’ve already induced, it’s already happened and I love my life”

you create your reality you create the rules, assume that it’s already happened and it has.

assumptions = reality

so why can’t you just give it to yourself. no matter what you see.

🌺🎀 IGNORE THE 3D, YOU’VE ALREADY INDUCED THE VOID

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logaenhowlett · 3 months ago

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THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD IN HER HANDS - L.H.

Summary: After months of watching you relentlessly try to gain control of your powers, Logan finally takes matters into his own hands.

Pairing: Logan Howlett x Female Reader

Warnings: Fluff - so much damn fluff, Slight angst, Language

A/N: Suffering from writer's block on a plot-driven angsty Logan fic so I wrote this to focus on something else. Shout out to End by Frank Ocean. Enjoy!

MASTERLIST

“You’ve been going at it for hours.”

His voice makes you pause, shifting your concentration to the man leaning against the door frame. Logan watches as you swing your head down, possibly frustrated by his interruption.

“Professor said I’d get better at this,” You swipe the sweat off your face, grabbing your drenched shirt as it clings to your skin, “It’s been months and I'm nowhere near strong enough.”

He huffs in amusement, he would often catch you in moments like these, tiring yourself hour after hour till you were exhausted enough to finally pass out. It reminds him of his early days at this place. Young and eager to prove himself to everyone here, that he was capable of being good once again.

“Old man doesn’t know what he’s talkin’ about.” A measly attempt to shut down your self-deprecation, he knows nothing will convince you otherwise, that much he learned over the last few times he tried reasoning with you. When you shoot him a questioning glance, he relents, raising his hands up in defense. “Alright. But you’re not doing any good wearing yourself to the bone.”

“I just want to be like Storm and Scott and you.”

“Well, if that’s the case, the bar ain’t that high.” A teasing grin shining as he approaches you, the annoyed expression on your face does little to stop him. “Come with me.”

“What?”

He chuckles at your confusion, wandering dangerously close into your personal space. “I wanna show you something,” He murmurs.

Flirting isn’t a new concept to him at all. Though you never get used to his attempts, always brushing it off with the assumption that it’s just a game.

“Logan - I need to keep practicing.” You take a few steps back, creating a little distance from his very distracting presence. “It’s the only way I’ll get better at controlling this.”

“Okay.” He drags out, “You can still keep doing this when we come back.”

As you contemplate his request, he knows he has you convinced, a grin tugging on his lips. “Come on. It’ll be fun.”

When he leads you to the mansion's garage, you recall all the times he'd whisked you away from moments of misery and fatigue. He seemed to have this innate ability to know when you're in over your head, too absorbed into whatever you were doing to take a step back and relax. A tinge of embarrassment creeps into your thoughts, feeling bad for him to constantly keep checking in as if you were incapable of knowing your limits. Fuck, I'm a mess. You snap yourself from going down the negative route, shifting your focus to Logan, a chuckle escapes you.

“You know he hates it when you steal his bike, right?”

He swings a leg over, revving the engine. The sound seems to unintentionally comfort you, your mind having subconsciously associated it with him. Despite Scott being the owner of vehicle, he rarely saw it since it was Logan’s choice of transportation. Fucking dickhead, he used to curse up and down, unwillingly giving up after Charles reasoned with him one too many times. You remember the entire ordeal, having to intervene during one of their many childish fights when Scott attempted to blow up Logan’s ass.

“I’ll fill up the tank.”

“No, you won’t.” A short laugh leaves you as you wrap your arms around him.

He flashes a smile, tilting his head back to ensure you’re properly seated. “No, I won’t.”

You hardly pay attention to his driving, instead mindlessly watching the scenery zip past. It wasn't the first time Logan had taken you on a ride. In fact, after the initial fear, you had grown fond of this time you got share with him. A quiet and peaceful journey where you could turn your restless mind off and simply enjoy each other's company. An unspoken vow of trust had always lingered between you two, which was something he cherished more than he could ever express. He smiles softly at the weight of you resting on his back as the breeze encompasses around you.

“How’d you even find this place?” You ask, sliding off the seat as he kicks the stand.

“Used it for shelter during that snowstorm a while ago. The bike gave out on me.”

You hum in response, spinning on your feet to look around. It's an abandoned gas station that had definitely seen better days. Despite all the damage and vandalisation, it was an oddly interesting location, a lake nearby overlooking lush fields. Nothing in Logan's expression gives away his intention of bringing you here. He slowly steps backwards, a hint of a smirk tugging his lips and when he's a decent distance away, “Hit me.”

“What?”

“Use your power, sweetheart. Don’t be scared, you can do it.” It's rather encouraging and not at all akin to his usual cocky tone.

“Logan - what, no!” You exclaim, finding his proposal ridiculous. “I’m not - I can’t even fully control it. What if I hurt you?”

He scoffs, amused you could even suggest such a thing, “Well, you’re gonna have to control it, aren’t ya?” When you make no attempt to try, his gaze softens, “I can take it.”

You take a deep breath, channelling your focus to create a ball of energy between your hands. Despite being small, it hits him with enough force to push him back a few steps. A groan leaves him as he clutches his stomach, you shift to run towards him but he lifts his hand, making you stop.

“Again. Don’t hold back.”

This time you think of Charles, remembering all the lessons and training sessions you've had with him. Where you had always doubted yourself, he had constantly reassured you and your ability to control your gift. The ball of energy grows more between your hands, crackling with intensity. Using all your might, you aim at Logan once again, hitting him square in the chest, thrusting him back several feet, the impact denting the ground in the process. He stands up feeling a bit lightheaded, though that sensation disappears as he flexes his muscles, grateful for his healing factor.

“I did it!” You laugh in surprise, running to him.

His arms immediately wrap around you, slightly lifting you off the ground. “You did it,” He says with a faint smile, taking in your satisfaction.

Caught up in moment of finally making progress, you notice the lack of space between Logan and you. And suddenly, his hands on your waist, his tender expression, it all becomes too much, making you pull back. “You’re insane. That could’ve gone so wrong,” You spit out, trying to relieve some tension.

“I trust you.” He whispers, softly.

Your body seems to be on fire, everything about this begins to overwhelm your senses. With a shaky breath, you try stepping away from his gentle grip.

“Why do you always run from me?” His words still your movements. His eyes can't seem to find yours, instead settling on the charred ground beneath him, "I know… you feel this too.”

“I’m - I don’t…”

“Let me in, sweetheart. I won’t run away.” He approaches you, giving you the space to reject his advances. ”I promise.”

When you don't respond, he hangs his head low, accepting your decision. “Let’s go home,” He mumbles.

As you walk down the hallway to your room, you can't seem to shake the urge to run back to him. You take a moment, hand grasping your doorknob before you spin around. Within seconds of knocking on his door, he swings it open catching your distinct heartbeat on the other side.

“Logan - I just…” The words die on your tongue. Every little feeling you'd held for him comes rushing forward. As he stands there, growing concerned for your wellbeing, all you can think about is kissing him till the air leaves your lungs.

“You okay?”

That's enough for you to slam into him. You grab the collar of his white shirt, pulling him down. Your lips find his own, slowly moving against the soft flesh. It takes him less than a second to comprehend what's happening before he reciprocates your actions.

You tilt your head back, inhaling his comforting scent. He continues peppering kisses on your face, unable to stop once he finally got a taste. “I'm sorry, I was scared. I am scared,” You whisper.

“I know. But I’m here for you. I’m always gonna be here for you.” He murmurs against your lips, “If you let me.”

Your smile sends flutters to his heart. His low chuckle echoes within you as he leans down, capturing your lips with a hunger he'd suppressed for as long as he could remember. When your moan teases his senses, he lifts you with ease, one arm securing your waist and the other gently stroking the underside of your thigh. He lowers you down onto the bed, noting your exhaustion from earlier. Sliding right next to you, he presses a light kiss on your temple, pulling you into his warm embrace. A silent promise that he'll never let you go.

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