#and i hate 11-7 shifts cause i have to work through two of our worst rushes

[emovirgil-sanders]

I hate being one of the only competent crew members at work. Cause that means I keep getting called in early like every single day-

Like, please, noo, I just wanna sleep in for once and not have you call me to tell me you want me to come in an hour (or two) earlier-

[thebiasrekkers]

Make It Right [BTS Mafia AU]

Plot: “It’s always darkest before the dawn…” It’s a dog-eat-dog world in Seoul, South Korea. One has to dwell in the shadows in order to reach for the light. What are you willing to sacrifice in order to feel the sunlight on your face? What will it take to drag you back into darkness? How long will the journey be to make it right?

Rating: NC-17 // NSFW

Genre: Series | Mafia!AU | Crime!AU | Angst | Romance/Fluff | Smut

Pairings: Jin x OC | Taehyung/Hoseok x OC | Yoongi/Jungkook x OC

Warnings: Graphic Violence (bloody violence), Heavy Language, Angst, Slow Burn, Smut

Previous Chapters: Prologue 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55

Links: FAQ || BTS Masterlist || Admin E’s AO3 || Admin E’s WP || [ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ]

Word Count: 3,239

Tag List: @prisczero, @pinkpjmin, @btsaudge, @flowerwrites06, @unoriginal-username15432, @halussali, @shrimpmsg, @ggukkieland​

AN: I need to quit fooling you people. Because the trust issues are going to get worse. Maybe this is a silver lining? Maybe? Yes? ...I’ll go away now.

Chapter 55: Sea

“Praying that we’ll remain in this desert till the end. Praying that this isn’t truly our reality.”

© thebiasrekkers (Admin E). All rights reserved. Reposting/modifying our work is prohibited. Translations are not allowed. Plagiarism/stealing is not tolerated by any means. Legal action will be taken in instances of theft.

Two Days Later Jeju Island – Seogwipo South Korea

When Taehyung first came to, he felt warmth blanketing his entire body. Every so often, a gentle brush of cool air passed over him. His limbs ached and it felt like a stone was being pressed against his chest. Breathing was a seemingly impossible task. When he could breathe, the sensation of phantom glass fragments scraped along the insides of his lungs. Coughing was a regular occurrence. Through said coughing fit was how he was able to pull himself back to consciousness.

For a moment, he believed he had, in fact, died. There was a part of him that even accepted it. But he wouldn’t have accepted it with a smile, of that he was most certain.

There were people waiting for him; people he would potentially be leaving behind.

The faces of his brothers and of the woman he loved yanked him from the abyss.

An old man sat next to him, moving a fan slowly over his body. Sweat seemed to cover him from head to toe and there was a large basin of ice beside him. Again, Taehyung coughed and tried to sit up. But the old man placed a hand on his shoulder, gently urging him to lie back down on the futon. What energy he managed to muster quickly slithered out of him, the weight of exhaustion overwhelming him all over again.

Had he actually died?

“Don’t make such a fuss,” said the old man.

The stranger’s skin was bronze from being out in the sun, his worn and wrinkled hands and face gave testimony to the life he lived. His hair was a salt and pepper gray, frazzled from being whipped around in the ocean breeze just outside. Despite his seemingly austere appearance and gruff tone, his dark eyes were gentle as he continued to move the fan back and forth over Taehyung’s prone form.

Taehyung squinted slowly, the light peeling in from the window almost blinding him. He tried to lift his arm to shield his eyes, but found it more difficult than he’d anticipated. Sensing his distress, the old man shifted so his small frame could block as much of the light as he could.

“Where am I?”

The question croaked from Taehyung’s throat, surprising him. Attempting to swallow, he mentally reeled at how terrible he sounded.

He heard the man scoff, a sympathetic smirk pulling at his thin lips. “My home,” he replied simply, resting the fan on his knee, “you’ve got the devil’s luck, young man.”

Taehyung tried to smile but realized it probably looked like a grimace. “You don’t know the half of it, Oroshin.”

He watched the man’s smile widen a measure. “You’re young, but I see you still have some manners.”

Again, he attempted to sit up and failed. The old man seemed to take pity on him, reaching out with his thin arms to help him. When he was up, Taehyung winced at the tight feeling around his chest. He rubbed at it gingerly as the elder pressed a cold compress to his temple. Willing himself not to shrink back at the sudden cold, his eyes wandered around the abode to serve as a distraction.

He could tell that it was the home of a local fisherman. Quaint, humble and quiet; save for the crashing of waves along what he could only assume was the beach nearby. The salt was prevalent in the air, seeping in through what cracks existed in the house. Even though he could feel the cold wind, the floor was warm beneath him.

“Did you save me?”

Dipping the cloth into the ice water, he wrung it out and pressed it back to Taehyung’s head. “The gods saved you, my boy. You were already washed up on the shore when I stumbled across you.” He watched his eyes shifting to his shoulder and Taehyung reached up to touch the dressings over his injury. “I managed to purge the toxins out of you.”

His eyes narrowed. So it was poison, he thought angrily, shifting his gaze to the space between his knees, Lee Jooheon, you son of a bitch…

Taehyung lifted his eyes to meet the old man’s. “How long have I been out?”

“Couple of days now. The worst of it passed yesterday.”

Even though he still ached all over, Taehyung quickly shifted to sit on his knees, bowing his head low to the old man. “I’m in your debt, Oroshin.”

“Nonsense. It’s human nature to help those in need.”

Taehyung raised his head. “It’s a cruel world we live in now. Your kindness is rare in it.”

“Your view of the world is too narrow, my boy.” The old man lifted the fan and smacked Taehyung’s wrist with it. “Now enough of this. Sit comfortably.”

He did as he was told, sitting with his legs crossed in a more comfortable position. “Oroshin, I hate to burden you further, but would you mind taking me into town? I need to get back to Seoul as soon as possible.”

For an uncomfortably long moment, the old man peered at Taehyung – as if gauging what his motive was. But there was only one thing on his mind. He needed to get back to his brothers and warn them of the danger that was coming. There would still be time for them to find Eden and return her to the place she belonged.

…at Jungkook’s side.

Jooheon’s words slammed through his body like a wrecking ball, causing him to visibly shudder. Taehyung couldn’t believe it now that he was lucid. How had Jungkook managed to hide such a huge secret from them all? Then again, they’d all been so busy anticipating the moves of the Jade Fangs that a lot of things could have gone amiss. Something as small as eloping could easily be overlooked.

That didn’t mean he was any less salty about it.

When I get back, he and I are gonna have a little chat…

“Well,” cut the old man’s words through his thoughts, “it’s a good thing this washed up with you then.” He reached into a nearby drawer and pulled out Taehyung’s wallet.

He bowed as he took it from him, opening to see the paper money was worthless. So were his cards. But his ID was still intact. That was the only thing that mattered. If he could prove who he was, getting money would be easy. He peered at the old man expectantly who raised his brows at him.

“I’m assuming my phone didn’t make it?” The elder shook his head and Taehyung sighed. Of course it wouldn’t have made it. That would have been the luckiest break he could get outside of being alive. “I’ll just have to buy another one.”

“Eat something and then I’ll take you to town. You can’t function on an empty stomach.”

Taehyung flashed him his best boxy smile despite the agony he continued to feel. “Thank you, Oroshin.”

After filling his stomach with three full helpings of rice, soup, and freshly caught fish, he thanked the old man profusely for his kindness. When he asked his name, the elder simply smiled and told him to come back when all his business was taken care of. Taehyung promised he would return to repay him for saving his life.

There wasn’t much time to waste. He needed to procure funds to buy a plane ticket back to Seoul. He would worry about a phone once he landed safely. Besides, Taehyung didn’t think he could handle the slew of missed calls and voicemails demanding to know of his whereabouts. He went on blind faith that everything was okay; that his brothers were able to find something out on their end since it was obvious that his own trail was a perfectly placed trap.

The flight back to Seoul was only an hour, but he felt like time crawled at an agonizingly slow pace. The time he had alone on the plane was enough to cause Taehyung to fester in his own guilt. He was angry at himself for falling for such a setup, and he was even angrier that he hadn’t seen it for what it was.

Maybe Hyungwon was right, he thought bitterly, narrowing his eyes as he stared out the window, we’ve gotten fucking soft.

But he stood by what he said. This wouldn’t have been a problem had they taken the Jade Fangs out five years ago. Sacrifices be damned. At least they could avoid the headache inducing bullshit they were suffering right now.

He replayed the scene on Dragon’s Head Cliff repeatedly. No matter how many times he thought about it, Taehyung’s conclusion was the same every single time.

…if I hadn’t dodged, whatever came at me would have hit me straight on. He frowned. They were really trying to kill me.

The thought left a bitter taste in his mouth. Curling his hands into fists on the arm rests, he closed his eyes – attempting to stave off an oncoming migraine.

They would be dealt with.

They would all be dealt with.

Taehyung wouldn’t rest until he made sure of it.

Seoul - Cheongdam; Gangnam District South Korea

As soon as he landed in Seoul, he purchased a phone at one of the stores in the airport, activating it on the spot. There were several voicemails and he rolled his eyes. He didn’t have time to listen to them. Now that Taehyung could confidently say he’d met the Reaper at the Gates of the Underworld and walked away, the only person he wanted to see was the woman carrying his child. He had to make sure that he wasn’t dreaming; still sleeping from the effects of the poison.

Taehyung needed just a little more reassurance that he wasn’t dead. That he wasn’t already in Hell.

Hailing a cab, he gave instructions for the driver to take him to Raelyn’s hospital. The woman was so stubborn, insistent on continuing to work as her belly continued to swell with the life in her. Taehyung told her constantly that she didn’t need to work anymore, especially while she was with child. But she was hellbent on having her way and who was he to deny her the freedom to do as she pleased?

He’d have been a fool to try.

Taehyung quickly paid the cab driver, thanking him for getting him to his destination so quickly. He raced through the parking lot, up the steps and just barely clipped his shoulders in his impatience in waiting for the sliding doors to open wide enough to give him entrance. One of Raelyn’s co-workers that he recognized spotted him, her expression forming into shock before melting to discomfort almost immediately. He skidded to a halt in front of her, blocking her path as she seemed to mentally prepare herself to flee.

“Eunsoo-ssi,” he huffed, attempting to catch his breath, “where’s Raelyn?”

She averted her eyes, shrinking back from him as he took a step toward her. Canting his head slightly, he couldn’t hide the confusion on his face. She’d never treated him like this before. In fact, he remembered her playfully doting on him like she would a younger brother. This sudden standoffishness seemed a little unwarranted.

“She…” Eunsoo paused, taking a breath, before lifting her face to meet his gaze. Her brows were furrowed harshly and he could swear that her eyes looked glassier than they had just a few seconds ago. “She’s at the funeral hall.”

Taehyung frowned. “Why?”

“I’m sorry, I have to finish my rounds.”

Eunsoo quickly bowed, side-stepping him to disappear around the corner to the next hall. His gaze followed her as he was left in the main lobby alone.

What the hell is going on? he thought as he made his way toward the elevators. Pressing the button to give him entrance, he pressed the button that led to the mortuary floor where funeral services were typically held. Did something happen to one of their co-workers?

It didn’t take him long to make it to the funeral hall. Various other families were dressed in their traditional mourning attire and rows of wreaths with white carnations lined the walls. White ribbons hung from them, traditional hangul printed on them with the names of the deceased. He barely took notice of them, his eyes frantically searching for any sign of Raelyn.

The weight of sorrow that filled the hall was palpable, making the uncomfortable feeling welling up in his chest almost unbearable. He couldn’t place his finger on it, but Taehyung swore that a dark cloud of dread was hanging over him. He quickly shook his head, attempting to chase the nagging voices from his mind.

This was crazy. He needed to get his head together.

Just as he took another step, he stopped as someone dashed out of one of the rooms. He blinked when he realized the woman dressed in a traditional white mourning garb was Jimin’s older sister. She covered her mouth, smothering a sob, and Taehyung could only blink when she paused just seconds before colliding into him. It seemed to take her a moment to recognize who he was, as it did him for her. Her face was puffy and swollen from all the crying she’d done.

“N-Noona,” Taehyung stammered out, an icy sensation slithering down his spine, “what are you doing here?”

Her bottom lip quivered uncontrollably, her hands reaching out to grasp at the sleeves of his jacket. “Oh, Taehyung-ah,” she choked out, curling her fingers into his arms, “Jimin-ie…he…he…”

Slowly, he craned his neck to peer at the three wreaths lining the walls just outside the room she’d vacated from. He read the names on each of the ribbons draped over the wreaths. Taehyung’s heart froze for half a second before slamming viciously against his chest.

“No way,” he murmured, looking back at Jimin’s sister, “…Noona.”

Instead of answering him, he watched her collapse to her knees – a wailing sound bursting from her. Taehyung heard his very soul shattering as he pivoted on his heels, his legs carrying him into the mourning chamber.

It was crowded, bodies shuffling around as people cried or whispered among themselves. Taehyung didn’t bother removing his shoes as he stepped up onto the small landing. He saw Raelyn out of the corner of his eye. She was the first one to spot him, making her way toward him. But instead of relishing in the comfort of her embrace, the very thing he had so desperately been seeking out since he’d woken up, Taehyung stepped just out of her reach. His eyes focused on the three portraits situated on the table where various foods and flowers were placed.

“Taehyung-ah.” Seokjin called to him, but his voice sounded muffled from the incessant buzzing in his ears. He heard him say his name again and he still couldn’t hear it well.

All he could focus on were the smiling faces of Jungkook, Eden, and Jimin looking back at him from the black frames encasing their visages.

As he took another step, he saw someone move to step in his path – blocking his view of the pictures. When he lifted his eyes, he was now staring into Hoseok’s stern face.

“Where have you been?”

Taehyung continued to stare at Hoseok, blinking slowly as his mind attempted to catch up. He opened his mouth to speak and found he couldn’t find the words.

“We thought you were dead.”

The phrase shook Taehyung; rattling his bones. He visibly flinched, took a breath, then glared up at his older brother.

“Hyung,” he finally managed to say, his voice dropping a full octave, “what is this?” Raising a hand, he pointed to the side of him and gave a wide flourish to the entire scene surrounding them. “What the fuck is this?”

A hand fell on his arm and he felt Raelyn’s swollen belly pressed against his side. She buried her face into the curve of his shoulder, suppressing a sob as she pulled him close. His body felt stiff, like he’d turned into a marble statue. This was all some joke. It had to be. There was no way that any of this was real.

“How?”

“The Jade Fangs were responsible,” cut in Seokjin.

Taehyung’s eyes narrowed. “There’s no way that—”

Yoongi sighed gently. “You told us her location, Taehyung-ah.”

It was like someone dumped a bucket of ice water over his body.

“W-What?” That was impossible. He hadn’t been able to obtain that information. “I didn’t—”

“We realize that now,” added Namjoon. When Taehyung glanced at him, he nearly hiccupped at the dark expression painted over his brother’s face. “They texted us from your phone. It was all a setup from the start.”

Again, silence filled the small space around them save for the members of Jimin’s family who came, as well as friends.

“They’re gone, Taehyung-ah.”

Twisting his face to look back at Hoseok, he noticed his other brothers crowding around him in a semicircle. It wasn’t until his vision went out of focus that Taehyung realized he was now crying.

“What?” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “What do—”

Hoseok’s face softened, his brows furrowing before he closed his eyes. “They’re gone.”

The sun slowly set over Seoul’s cityscape. Lights blinked with life in succession, illuminating the darkness. Taehyung listlessly stared out over the vast expanse while standing on the hospital’s rooftop, lips puckered out while indulging on a sucker. He didn’t remember running from the mourning chamber. He didn’t remember banging his knee on the steps as he tripped over his own feet upon his ascent.

No one chased after him. They knew better. They knew he would likely implode if they did.

Taehyung didn’t stay for the cremation process. He would have thrown himself into the flames right along with them. Selfish? Of course he was. He was man enough to admit that all he could see was red.

Pulling out his phone, he crushed the candy between his teeth. Scrolling through the numerous voicemails left by Hoseok, he stopped until he saw Jimin’s name. His thumb hovered over his name, trembling, before he pressed down on the screen.

It automatically played the message on speaker mode.

“Ya, Kim Taehyung,” came Jimin’s voice from the receiver.

Taehyung’s brows furrowed, hearing the pained chuckle that followed.

“…you son of a bitch. How could you just take off for the gates of the Underworld alone? Huh?”

His grip tightened on the phone, feeling his arm shaking from the force of his hold. There was an uncomfortable stretch of silence before he heard Jimin speak again.

“Don’t even think about stirring up a bunch of shit without me. Jungkook and I will be there soon.”

Without any warning, Taehyung fell to his knees. The phone fell with a clatter beside him as his hands gripped onto the roof’s railing. His whole body shook, his silent sobs rattling through him. The tears that streamed from his face were hot and thick. He swore he could feel his own blood leaking from his eyes.

Jungkook. 

Jimin.

Eden.

They were gone. 

Mercilessly ripped away from the life they more than deserved to live.

Someone had to answer for this. 

Someone was going to answer for this.

“I’ll make them pay,” he growled, glaring at the landscape as he ground his teeth together, “I swear to your God, Jimin-ah…”

I’ll fucking kill them all.

[thesaltyoceanwaves]

What order would you recommend watching the second part of season 3? Since it's an out of order mess?

I mean, obviously watch Hearthunter and Miracle Queen in the correct order. If you feel like sitting through MQ that is.

After that, it’s hard to say. There is a production order, which looks something like this:

1. Chameleon

2. Animaestro

3. Bakerix

4. Backwarder

5. Reflekdoll

6. Weredad

7. Silencer

8. Onichan

9. Miraculer

10. Oblivio

11. Desperada

12. Christmaster

13. Startrain

14. Kwamibuster

15. Feast

16. Gamer 2.0  

17. Stormy Weather 2

18. Ikari Gozen

19. Timetagger

20. Party Crasher

21. The Puppeteer 2

22. Cat Blanc

23. Felix

24. Ladybug

25. Hearthunter

26. Miracle Queen

Some of this order makes some sense, to an extent, although I can’t explain without getting into spoilers. So, anon, if you haven’t already watched the last part of the season and want to go in blind, I’d suggest returning to the later part of this post after that. Or you can just skip it, if you’re not looking for a long-winded rant. Otherwise, here I go. 

SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRETY OF SEASON 3 FROM THIS POINT ON.

Ok, so things that make sense - Party Crasher coming after Desperada, Startrain, and Feast. It doesn’t really matter which of the first two comes first, so long as Party Crasher is after them, because Viperion and Pegase make their return. And we see that Fu is no longer hiding out at his place when he gives Kim Xuppu, so this has to take place after Feast.

Gamer 2.0 coming after Desperada, because she makes a cameo in the game, works.

Timetagger before Cat Blanc checks out, because Bunnix makes her return in the latter episode.

I forget where I saw this, but I think someone on the team said that it was important to see Animaestro before Oblivio, because the poster that the amnesiac Marinette and Adrien see makes more sense when you know it’s from the movie. This could have been easily changed in the script so that the two discover their identities regardless, but whatever I guess.

Both Feast and Stormy Weather 2 make sense as mid-season episodes in theory. There are so many problems with both of these episodes in execution, but I’m not going to detail that here. But on paper, an episode that changes the status quo for the second half of the season, and an episode that recaps how far everyone’s come both work at the midpoint.

Of course, there are so many issues with individual episodes in general, so if they were reworked, I think the order would have to be shifted dramatically.

Ladybug would have been a much better episode if it had been the season finale, or at least a two parter. If you’re going to start the season establishing the Lilanette rivalry, then it only makes sense to end the season with the escalation of that rivalry. And pull no punches either - Marinette’s relationships should get shaken up, characters should second guess their actions, and so forth. Alternatively, I have two other options for how this should have been handled.

1. This should have been put into season 2. Because going into Chameleon after Hero’s Day is jarring tonally, something that has been addressed numerous times by this point, so I’m not going into detail further.

2. If you’re going to keep Chloe as a recurring antagonist and fail to redeem herself, then you don’t really need Lila in the show at all. Marinette can still come across the grimoire when Adrien brings it to school. Maybe he forgets about it or something. The Scarlet Army can be caused by a bunch of things going wrong on Hero’s Day that have a domino effect. Chameleon can be cut entirely, along with Ladybug. Onichan can have Kagami in conflict with her mother, since she wants to be a good daughter and not cause problems, but also feels lonely. Lila only caused everything in Miraculer to happen at a quicker rate, but tbh, I still think the episode would have played out without her. Chloe would have gotten fed up with not getting the bee back and taken it out on Sabrina. This could be its own post tbh.

I agree with @miraculouscontent on Desperada taking place before Silencer, especially with Marinette’s behavior in Silencer basically forgetting all about Adrien, since Desperada she learns that she can like the both of them at the same time.

Felix wasn’t as bad as I was prepared for it to be, but I would still have Adrien reflect on his own pushy behavior toward Ladybug, and give the moral that harassment isn’t just physical, it can also be psychological and verbal as well. Also, I would give new, unique forms for Alya, Juleka and Rose.

Timetagger is okay mostly, but I would want some of the stakes to be higher and the foreshadowing to pack more of a punch. Maybe have future!Alix warn Chat that he’s taking things too far or something. Also, have Alya and Nino actually babysit their siblings together instead of making their friends do it. It’s not a good look for them.  

Episodes I would cut:

--> Puppeteer 2 - if you’re not going to make this a dramatic episode where the friend group fights, and just have it as an excuse to embarrass Marinette, then it deserves to be cut. We could actually spend that time on fleshing out Alya and Nino, so that their progress in SW2 doesn’t amount to “dating” and “being superheroes”. Seriously, this episode is the mission statement of the season:

Any other S3 Episode: Clearly, I will have the scene meant to most humiliate/embarrass Marinette.

Puppeteer 2: Hold my beer.

--> Oblivio and Cat Blanc - these episodes are both major teases and do basically nothing for the Love Square except sabotage it. The second one especially explains to us why we shouldn’t ship these two together, in the most dramatic, over the top, killjoy way. Even if I was still a Love Square fan, I would still hate these episodes, because we could actually be getting scenes and episodes that actually develop Marinette and Adrien’s relationship with one another, but instead, we have to waste time and make people feel bad for wanting to “rush” things.

--> Bakerix - while I like that we’re getting more episodes focused on Marinette’s family, IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN HER MOM. Hell, this could have been the recap we got - maybe a two parter revolving around her parents realizing that they’ve been growing apart and that their daughter is getting older. OR Weredad could have been more about Marinette growing closer to her friends, not just a potential romance, while an Akumom episode could be about Sabine feeling out of touch with Marinette’s interests. 

--> Christmaster - WHY DO WE NEED TWO CHRISTMAS EPISODES THAT WASTE OUR TIME WITH HUMILIATING AND/OR MAKING MARINETTE LOOK BAD? This one is worse in the sense that it could have focused on Nino for once, and have it focus on his relationship with his brother. But no. That’s not funny enough apparently.

→ Reflekdoll - A good example of a body swap/power swap episode: “Trading Faces” from Jimmy Neutron. Because the show actually shows both Jimmy and Cindy failing to adjust to the life of the other, learning to develop a small appreciation for the other by the end of the episode. JN is another episodic based show, so they’re still at each other’s throats for a while, but you can see that soften over time. Reflekdoll, on the other hand, refuses to have Chat learn or understand how hard Ladybug’s job is, especially when all he does is joke around and not take things seriously. 

--> Gamer 2.0 - Another episode where Marinette “needs to learn to loosen up” but actually it should be “Marinette learns to prioritize everything in her life while still giving herself some downtime to relax and breathe”. Again, if you cut this episode, you lose nothing really.

TL;DR: You thought you were getting an answer for the best viewing order of season 3, but it was actually a rant about how season 3 is The Worst and how things could have been better. Go with the production codes, I guess.

[k-popscenxrios]

Didn’t Ask For This Pt 10 (Roommate!JK x OC)

A/N: All these sweet messages I’m getting from you guys makes me so soft omg. Nothing motivates me more than seeing people into my story just as much as I am! This one is a long one, so get ready~

Summary: “I didn’t know you hated me so much,” he spoke as he grabbed my wrist and once again turned me around to face him, “and quite honestly, I don’t think I’ve done anything horrible enough for you to hate me to the degree that you do.” “You say that like the hate isn’t mutual,” I remarked as he shook his head. There was a bitter smile on his face as he took a deep breath, “I think you are quite honestly one of the worst human beings I’ve had to come in contact with.”

8k words | drama ✞ | fluff ♡ | slight mature themes ✗

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | Finale

⇨ Masterlist ⇦

Taehyung was sitting in the dining room when Jungkook and I walked in, and to our surprise, he wasn’t alone. I raised my eyebrows and tried to not panic as I spotted the face of a girl who I could only assume was Hana.

Hana was not the body I was internally panicking from seeing.

“Hoseok,” I smiled nervously as my eyes locked onto his. I had been texting him on and off throughout the day with simple and sweet texts, but I was not prepared to walk into my apartment and see him.

Hoseok stood up from his chair and walked up to Jungkook and I. He had a smile on his face as I nervously looked up at him.

“Sorry to just drop in on you unannounced. Taehyung invited the two of us over for coffee once our shifts all ended tonight.”

I looked over at Taehyung for a couple seconds, but he was too focused on Hana to even look my way. I tried to not show my annoyance as I looked back up at Hoseok. “It’s no problem! I’m just pretty tired from the shift I just worked.”

Hoseok glanced at Jungkook behind me as I also followed suite. His expression seemed tight and stiff, and I couldn’t help but narrowed my eyes at him.

“I didn’t realize that you two both worked at the movie theater,” Hoseok commented as I noticed him glance between the two of us who were dressed in similar clothing. Jungkook nodded and tried to smile, but it was pretty obviously forced.

Jungkook was not very subtle when it came to Hoseok, was he?

“That was not on purpose,” I laughed, gesturing between the two of us. Jungkook just slightly scoffed and knocked into me as he shoved past me, almost causing me to stumble into Hoseok.

“Is he okay?” Hoseok asked as he watched Jungkook disappear into his room, “And isn’t weird how he just… walked in and made himself at home?”

I opened my mouth to start explaining everything to Hoseok, but Taehyung’s almost frantic waving caught my attention. He shook his head and even glanced at Hana. I could only assume that Hana didn’t know, either.

“He just does that,” I shrugged, finding a compromise for this situation. Surely Jungkook was going to walk out in lounge wear before the end of the night, so I needed Taehyung and I to have something to fall back on. “He also sometimes decides that he’s going to stay the night here. It’s mainly when he doesn’t have work in the mornings.”

Hoseok just slowly nodded, but the look that he was giving me made me believe that he wasn’t completely convinced of my lie. I didn’t let his expression phase me as I looked over at Taehyung and Hana. Hana was looking at me with curious eyes when I smiled over to her.

I took a few steps in her direction with the smile still on my face. “You must be Hana. I’m Taehyung’s little sister, RaeAri.”

I held out my hand for her to grab, and she took it with her small, soft hands. “Nice to meet you. I think I vaguely remember seeing you in school… You were two years younger, right?”

I nodded and looked over at Taehyung for a few seconds before my eyes moved back to Hana, “Right.”

“Well!” Taehyung clapped his hands and smiled my way, “I was just about to take Hana home, I just wanted you two to meet, first.”

I raised my eyebrows at his words as I thought to Hoseok who was standing fairly close behind me. “Okay,” I spoke in a voice that was an octave higher than it originally was.

I turned around to say goodbye to Hoseok, hoping assuming that he was also going to leave along with the two of them. I had my mouth open to say the words, but Hoseok silenced me when I felt him grab my hand and pull me away from the front door to make room for Taehyung and Hana to exit.

“Bye!” I called after them as Hoseok waved at them with a soft smile. His smile was so captivating… It was also very contagious.

“Sorry, I don’t want you to feel like I’m imposing on you,” Hoseok spoke as he let go of my arm, “I just thought it’d be nice to talk to you one on one. I wouldn’t have stayed if it weren’t for the fact that Jeon is also here.”

I raised my eyebrows at his words as he just laughed and shook his head.

“I just mean that we won’t be alone since he’s here,” he spoke through his laughs I felt my heart swell. He is so sweet that he didn’t want to be in the apartment alone with me just in case it made me uncomfortable…

“Well, I’m all ears, now,” I smiled as I felt my heart jump at his growing smile. It felt really good to know that I was the one that caused that smiled…

“I’m really excited for our date on Sunday,” he started with a blush slightly creeping onto his cheeks, “I was wondering if you wanted me to pick you up for the date or not.”

I noticed some small movement behind Hoseok as my eyes glanced in the direction of the motion. I spotted Jungkook quietly move into the kitchen as I tried my hardest to not give him any looks. He glared at me as I watched him for a second longer than he found comfortable. I looked back up at Hoseok, but my mind was still wondering what on earth Jungkook was doing.

“I’d like that, actually,” I nodded as I swallowed, “I think it makes dates more romantic because then you don’t have to deal with two cars everywhere you go. Plus, it gives you more time to get to know the person.”

“That’s what I was thinking!” Hoseok lightly laughed in excitement as I saw Jungkook’s head poking out from the kitchen. What, is he five? “So do you want me to pick you up, say, around 1?”

“That sounds great,” I agreed as Hoseok sheepishly looked downward. His hand slowly and softly grabbed mine, giving it a soft squeeze before he let go. I bit my lip as a blush flooded onto my cheeks at the feeling of his hand in mine.

“Hey Ari!”

I jumped as I heard Jungkook’s loud and obnoxious voice say from the kitchen. I glared in the direction of the boy as Hoseok turned around and spotted Jungkook walking out from the kitchen.

“Come here,” he motioned for me to walk back into his room. I raised an eyebrow and gave him an incredulous look.

“What? No,” I shook my head and pointed at Hoseok, “Can’t you see that I’m in the middle of a conversation? You can wait.”

“If you need me to head out,” Hoseok looked between the two of us as I looked over at him with wide eyes.

“Oh, no! You don’t have to leave-”

“Yeah, if you’ll just close the door on your way out,” Jungkook gave Hoseok a look that convinced him that he better leave.

He turned to me and started walking towards the door. He pointed at it with his thumb as he backed up, a slight smile on his face.

“I’ll see you on Sunday, Ari,” he spoke with a soft voice as my face heated up. It was nice hearing my name on his lips.

“Bye Hoseok,” Jungkook waved him off and walked up to help him out the door. And by help him out the door, I mean he was almost shoving him outside.

“Bye!” I leaned to say goodbye to him as Jungkook closed the door. The situation happened so fast that I could barely register what had just transpired.

“I’m sorry, but what on earth was that?” I snapped as Jungkook took a few deep breaths and refused to meet my eyes, “you just shoved a fully grown man out of my apartment as if he was contagious with some kind of disease.”

Jungkook didn’t say anything as he dropped his hand from the lock on the door. He refused to meet my eyes as he stared into the direction of his room.

I could spot his movements before he even had a chance to move. He was about to storm off into his room like a child, but I wasn’t going to allow him off that easily.

I stepped in front of him as I forced him to look at me for at least a couple seconds.

“What gives you the right to do that?” I spoke as Jungkook looked down at the ground. I noticed his Adam’s apple bob up and down as my eyes narrowed his way. “Hoseok is cute and into me, and yet you shove him out the door like he was some kind of predator.”

He still didn’t say anything as I took a deep breath and stepped forward. My hands were shaking from the adrenaline and confusion as Jungkook finally looked into my eyes. His gaze tore into mine as my voice came out a whole lot weaker than I expected.

“Just because you confidently mocked my lack of male contact doesn’t mean that you can just jump in and prevent me from having it.”

Jungkook’s eyes slightly narrowed as my harsh gaze faltered for just one teeny tiny second. That one little second was all it took for Jungkook’s hand to twitch at his side, his body rushing toward mine.

I flinched as his hand grabbed my arm, pulling my body into his. He buried his face into my neck as his cologne started filling my senses.

I stood there still, looking dumbly past him as I tried to figure out what on planet earth this was supposed to mean.

It wasn’t long after he pulled me to him that he shoved me away, causing me to stumble slightly.

“Hoseok’s too good for you,” he mumbled, his eyes not meeting mine as he shoved past me, his shoulder brushing against mine.

“Jungkook-” I called after him with an almost breathless voice as he rushed into his room, slamming the door closed.

I just stood there in the hallway with a dumbfounded look on my face. What exactly just happened?

…

Taehyung rushed into my room after he got home, and he had the biggest smile on his face.

“Guess what,” he said as if he were a teenage girl getting excited over a boy asking her out.

“What?” I asked him with an eager smile on my face. I always loved seeing him this happy. I couldn’t help but feel happy just feeling his energy when he got this way.

“Hana had more fun on her date with me than she did that Namjoon guy! Can you believe it? She turned down Mr. Rich and Handsome for Mr. Average and Goofy!”

I smiled and stood up from my bed, rushing to hug him, “I’m so happy for you, Tae! So did you schedule a second date?”

“You bet we did,” he winked and bit his lip in excitement. “Enough of me, what about you and Hoseok? Did you two talk? You’re going on a date, right?”

I opened my mouth to speak, but I stopped myself short to narrow my eyes. “Tae.”

He just nodded, his smile never leaving as I crossed my arms across my chest, “Was the coffee an excuse to get the two of us to talk again before the date?”

“What?” Taehyung drug out the ‘a’ as I raise my eyebrows and started tapping my foot. “You think that I would do something like that? For you? You’ve got a big head!”

He ruffled my hair as I swatted his hands away, “Seriously, Tae!”

“Okay,” he giggled and withdrew his hand from assaulting my hair, “fine. I only invited Hoseok over because I think you two would be good together. I know you’ve never had a boyfriend before, but he seems like he’d be your type! I can tell you right now that you’re 100% his type.”

I felt my face heat up at Taehyung’s words as I looked down at the ground. So I’m Hoseok’s type? I mean, it made sense because he seemed into me before we even had our first conversation. And he continues to try and pursue a relationship with me even after the bowling fiasco nearly a week ago. Or at least it felt like a week ago.

“Well we were having a nice conversation until Jungkook butted in,” I blurted out as Taehyung’s eyebrows raised. I’ve said this to myself before, don’t talk about Jungkook with Taehyung. Just don’t! Yet what did I just do?

“What do you mean by that?” Taehyung asked as I felt panic rise in my chest.

“He just started talking to Hoseok along with me so we had to keep the conversation basic,” I tried to save it, but Taehyung seemed to have hit a breaking point. He shook his head and walked over to my door, swinging it open to see Jungkook walking out from the bathroom. He’d just gotten out of the shower, which was strange to me since he normally showered in the morning.

“I feel like the three of us need to talk.”

Jungkook’s face immediately drained as he looked my way. He looked terrified to say the least, and I felt the sadist in me look away. He doesn’t know what Taehyung does and doesn’t know. This should be interesting, because after all, Jungkook has everything to lose while I have nothing to lose.

“About?” Jungkook asked cautiously when he realized that I wasn’t helping him out on this one.

“You and Ari, obviously,” Taehyung snapped and grabbed Jungkook’s elbow, towing him into the room. “I’m sick of all these secrets.”

“Do I really have to be here for this?” I spoke with a quiet voice as Taehyung turned around and gave me a look of disbelief. “This just seems like a conversation that should just be between the two of you.”

“You’re a part of this,” Taehyung slightly snapped as I closed my mouth and just nodded. Taehyung was really scary when he wanted to be.

“Jungkook, do you want to explain what all of this is about?” Taehyung asked as Jungkook swallowed and looked at me again. I just looked away and smirked trying not to enjoy this too much.

“I don’t know what you want me to explain,” he spoke with a weak and terrified voice.

“This shit between you and my sister!” Taehyung snapped, his voice growing in volume. Despite enjoying Jungkook’s torture, Taehyung was starting to scare me.

“T-Tae,” he took a deep breath as Taehyung looked away from him so that he could calm down. “There’s… there’s nothing going on between Ari and I. I’ve told you countless times that I don’t see her that way and I never will.”

I couldn’t help but let out the softest laugh of disbelief. Jungkook immediately looked over at me with a murderous look. I was cocky and smiley until I realize that if Jungkook noticed my snicker, Taehyung did, too.

I felt worry fill me as Taehyung’s attention was drawn over to me. Was this how we told him? Surely it wasn’t all over because of something as simple as a laugh.

“I-I’m sorry, this isn’t funny,” I spoke with a timid voice as Taehyung eyes softened at my discomfort. “That was uncalled for. I’m sorry.”

Taehyung sighed and swallowed as he looked between the two of us. “You two are killing me,” he shook his head and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Kook, I’d rather you sleep with Jennie ten times over rather than you even touch my sister. I know what you can do to girls, and I don’t want Ari to have even the smallest snippet of what that feels like.”

...Well, it’s a little too late for that.

I looked at Jungkook with a calm stare before I opened my mouth, shocking both Taehyung and Jungkook with what I dared to say.

I, myself, couldn’t wrap my head around why I would say something so… revealing.

“I like Jungkook.”

Okay, it wasn’t completely revealing. But I wasn’t crazy enough to admit that I love him. I would like for Jungkook to make it out alive tonight.

Taehyung’s reaction was confused and quite honestly, priceless. It was void of anger or sadness; it was just pure… shock.

“H-huh?” He stuttered, his face going soft at my confession. I couldn’t help but be fascinated by how fast his mood shifted.

I glanced at Jungkook who was equally as confused but for different reasons. He obviously knew I liked him, but he couldn’t figure out why I would tell Taehyung.

“The guilt was killing me for not telling you,” I spoke, the honesty flowing through me, “I figured now was as good a time to tell you.”

Taehyung looked over at Jungkook as if to try and figure something out, but Jungkook had as many questions as Taehyung.

“B-But,” Taehyung shook his head as he scrunched up his eyebrows, “but why? What is it about him…?”

“I’m not going to admit something that personal in front of the man himself,” I spoke, still very aware of the dark brown orbs studying my every breath, “but I just do. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

“Wh-” Taehyung shook his head to try and get his thoughts together, “How long have you felt this way?”

I closed my eyes, slightly regretting my words. I didn’t realize that saying that implied that I’ve been keeping this a secret.

“Since the night we went bowling.”

I wasn’t even sure if that was a lie or not. Jungkook and Taehyung were both silently watching me as I felt my eyes finally lock onto Jungkook’s eyes. He looked so confused and lost, as if he was trying to figure out what I was doing. His slightly wide eyes indicated that he was still worried that I was about to out him and his horrible antics.

I didn’t have the heart to admit how much he’d torn my feelings apart just last night. I had the pettiness in me, but outing Jungkook probably meant Taehyung kicking him to the curb.

The more I give in to my few found feelings for him, the more I realized that I would miss living with that douchebag.

“Wow,” Taehyung shook his head and let out a humorless laugh, “Why? What do you see in him, anyway? All he does is mock you and insult you!”

I let out a soft laugh and looked away from Jungkook. I felt my heart jump as I saw Jungkook moving from the corner of my eye.

At first I thought that he was moving toward me, but once I looked his way, I realized that he was leaving. He had spun around and rushed off to his room, closing the door behind him.

Taehyung didn’t bother to stop him as the two of us sat in an awkward silence. He had no idea what to say to me, and I could tell that he couldn’t figure me out.

“He doesn’t want me to see it,” I dared myself to speak as Taehyung just looked at me with an almost devastated look on his face. I tried not to let his mood deter me from admitting to him what I had been dying to admit. Keeping things from my brother, even for just a couple days, was torture for me. “I can tell that he’s caring. He might not like me, especially when you’ve ingrained it in his brain that you don’t want him touching me, but he’s not heartless toward me. He’s showed me bits of kindness here and there, and despite popular belief… he’s very insecure.”

“What?” Taehyung laughed as I took a deep breath and looked in the direction of his door.

“He told me not to tell you,” I took a deep breath as Taehyung moved to sit on the edge of my bed, “and I want you to promise me that you won’t storm off to punch him or something.”

Taehyung looked at me for a couple seconds with pain in his eyes. He reluctantly nodded for me to continue as I grabbed his hand and traced random patterns on the top of it lightly with my thumb.

“He told me what happened between you and Soomin.”

Taehyung’s face went pale as his eyes widened. He was terrified for the first few seconds, but when he realized that I wasn’t mad, he looked down in shame.

“I’m… hurt that you kept the secret from me like you did… but I’m not going to make a big scene over it. I’m just… disappointed.”

Taehyung refused to meet my eyes as I gave his hand a squeeze.

“I let my hatred for Jungkook steam over the years, and neither you nor Soomin ever spoke up to defend him. You can’t blame him for getting fed up and finally telling me.” I defended Jungkook as Taehyung took a deep breath, “he’s a scumbag, but don’t act like you’re a perfect angel, Tae. Jungkook still shouldn’t have announced his sleeping partners to the world, but at least I can kind of see where his rage was coming from.”

“I’m sorry,” Taehyung whispered as I frowned and scooted closer to Taehyung. I wrapped my arms around him as he just sat there, burying his head into my neck much like Jungkook had done a little bit ago.

“I love you, Tae,” I spoke as I caressed his back, “I need you to realize that I’m not a kid anymore. If I want to try and pursue a relationship with someone as stupid and selfish as Jeon Jungkook, that’s all on me. I’m not telling you to be okay with it, but just stop being so… hostile toward the idea.”

Taehyung didn’t say anything as he took a deep breath into my skin. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight to him as I smiled into his shoulder.

“Don’t let him break your heart,” he whispered as I grabbed on to his shirt. His voice sounded so… raw and worried. It was very weak and quiet, and it made my heart ache. “And please, give Hoseok a fair chance. He’s a much better fit for you…”

“I can’t argue with you there,” I slightly laughed as I swallowed, feeling tears building up in the back of my eyes. I didn’t understand why I felt the need to cry, but instead of suppressing it, I let the tears fall.

“But if Jungkook steps all over my heart,” I spoke into his shirt as he hugged me closer to him, “it’s my fault, okay? Not his.”

Taehyung put a hand on my head as I felt him lightly pat my head to try and calm me down. He stayed silent for several seconds as I just let my inexplicable tears fall.

“You’re not in love with him… are you?” His voice was unsure, almost like he regretted them as they were falling from his lips. I slightly smiled into his shirt as I hugged Taehyung as tight to me as I could get him.

“I am.” I swallowed and sniffed, letting a soft laugh out of my mouth. “I’m in love with Jungkook.”

I felt better and better the more I admitted it out loud. It was as if I was lifting a heavy weight off my shoulders.

“I don’t even know what to say,” Taehyung spoke as he pulled away from me. He grabbed the sides of my face with his hands as he looked at me with pure worry, “I love you, Ari. I also love Jungkook… but the idea of the two of you…”

I smiled as I felt my heart slightly drop in my chest. “Don’t worry, Tae,” I shook my head slightly in his hold, “he doesn’t feel the same way about me. You don’t need to worry about us.”

His eyes searched mine for any hints of a lie, but I wasn’t lying. He seemed to realize that I was telling the truth, but instead of sighing of relief, he just looked worriedly in the direction of Jungkook’s room.

“I hope you’re right…”

::

Sunday was here before I knew it, and wow was the morning off to a bad start. First off, Taehyung woke up with a headache, so he was irritable toward Jungkook and I. The three of us had all kept our distances from each other this weekend due to opposite schedules. Even when Jungkook and I would end up in the same place alone for more than a couple seconds, we didn’t dare acknowledge the other.

I had no idea how Jungkook felt over my confessions to Taehyung, but it seemed like Taehyung and Jungkook’s friendship was back to normal. I wasn’t sure if they had talked to one another or not, but I was relieved that the two were back to being normal friends.

Jungkook seemed to be ignoring me even more than I was ignoring him, and I was almost afraid to ask why.

In addition to Taehyung’s irritability, Jungkook was running a fever of 102.4, and the two guys were almost treating me as if I was supposed to be their nurse to help them at all times.

“Taehyung, I don’t understand what you want me to do for you! All you can do is take some aspirin and wait it out.” I took a deep breath as I placed a damp washcloth on Jungkook’s forehead. “I have somewhere to be in an hour, and thanks to you two, I haven’t done a thing to get ready.”

“Sorry…” Jungkook mumbled, but it wasn’t very genuine. I narrowed my eyes at him as Taehyung groaned like a teenage girl and stormed into his room across the hall.

“You should be okay as long as Taehyung stops being a cry baby. I need to get up to get ready,” I patted his shoulder as he just watched me stand up, reluctantly moving away from him. “Don’t forget to take the medicine that I put next to your bed.”

He kept his soft eyes on me as I backed out of the room, cursing that man under my breath. He just had to get sick right before my date? It’s just a fever… He’ll be fine! He’s probably had a dozen fevers in his lifetime. He’s a grown man and can take care of himself.

I continued to reassure myself as I stood in the bathroom, staring myself in the mirror. There was no reason to even think about Jungkook today. This day was about Hoseok and I having a good time on our date.

Even as I repeated the same words over and over in my head, I couldn’t help but poke my head into Jungkook’s room every time I heard him so much as cough.

“I’m fine,” Jungkook would say as my face would heat up without fail. It was hard to ignore him when he seemed to be coughing every other minute.

I eventually finished getting ready with ten minutes to spare. I didn’t waste any time walking back into Jungkook’s room to check on him as Taehyung groaned from across the hall.

“You need to relax, Ari. Jungkook is fine,” he sounded annoyed as I pursed my lips and spun around to look at him.

“What I choose to do with my time is of none of your concern,” I snapped as Taehyung slightly glared at me. He didn’t say anything else as he marched up to his door and slammed it shut.

“You two are definitely related,” Jungkook commented as I shifted my gaze to him. I couldn’t help but let a small smile appear at his comment.

“Don’t the tantrums look better on Taehyung?” I asked as Jungkook just scoffed, leading to a bunch of wet coughs. I rushed to the side of the bed and guided him to sit up, handing him the water on his bedside table. I patted his back lightly as he was able to drink some of the water in between coughs.

“Please get along with Taehyung while I’m gone,” I spoke as Jungkook rolled his eyes.

“Will you get it through your thick skull that we’re okay? Don’t you have a date to get to?” Jungkook seemed to want to sound more snippy than he did. His slight coughs prevented him from continuing with more words as I pushed myself away from his bedside.

“Yes, I do have a date to get to,” I narrowed my eyes at Jungkook as he kept his eyes locked onto mine. Our gazes were intense and unnerving, but neither of us were backing down. “You should get used to seeing Hoseok around here more often if the date goes well.”

“It’s not like the two of us haven’t been friends before now,” Jungkook commented, but I could hear annoyance in his voice, “We’d get along just fine.”

“I’m not talking about you two getting along,” I smiled and Jungkook narrowed his eyes at me. I felt satisfaction fill me as his gaze faltered for a second or two.

“That’s cute,” Jungkook spoke with a slight scoff, “You think I’ll get jealous? Do I really seem like the jealous type?”

I raised my eyebrows, not believing the words coming out of his mouth. Did he really just ask me that? After what happened the other night, how could he say that with a straight face?

“Are you being serious right now?” I laughed in disbelief as Jungkook’s look didn’t waver. “Oh, you’re right. You shoving Hoseok out the door the other day didn’t happen.”

He looked away from me and began having a fit of coughs. I sighed and bent down with worry etched on my face. I handed him the water again as he grabbed it and let his coughs calm down before taking a sip.

How convenient for him to have a fit of coughs right after I made a good point against him. I just stayed quiet as he cleared his throat and put the water down on the side table.

To further Jungkook’s luck, I heard a couple knocks on the door. I cursed under my breath as I took a deep breath through my nose. That was Hoseok. Was it already 1? I pulled my phone out and took a look at the screen. It was 1 on the dot.

“Make sure Taehyung takes care of you,” I told him as I patted his hand before standing up, “I don’t have time to worry about you today. Don’t bother me by calling unless Taehyung drops dead or something.”

Jungkook just chuckled and rolled his eyes, “Have fun on your date. Try to not scare Jung away. I’m sure it’d be easy for you to.”

“I think I’ll be fine. Try to not get too jealous,” I winked his way as he rolled his eyes. I didn’t fail to notice the smallest hint of worry in his eyes as I moved away from his doorway, giving one last wave.

As I walked away from Jungkook’s door, I felt immediate worry fill my being. Even after I opened the door and looked up at Hoseok with a smile, all my brain could think of was Jungkook.

Today was going to be a long day.

::

Hoseok was really good at keeping up conversation. He was able to keep it afloat even when I thought the conversation was falling flat. He could talk about anything and everything around him and make it sound interesting.

During our meal, we had some nice conversations, but I couldn’t remember anything from them. My mind had only partially been checked in during the whole meal, and before I knew it, my food that was once in front of me was now gone. I tried to pretend that I hadn’t just zoned out during the date, and Hoseok didn’t seem to notice. If he had, I’m sure he would have said something to me.

He suggested that the two of us visit a small little donut shop that was walking distance from the diner that we had just been in. The place was cozy feeling with pastel colors blanketing the walls and table sets. It had a nice feel to it that made me smile as Hoseok smiled down at me. I ordered two donuts for myself, both blueberry cake, while Hoseok ordered some cream filled donuts.

“Do you want to just go ahead and get a dozen while we’re here?” Hoseok asked as I smiled and nodded.

“I’d love to bring some back home. I’m sure the guys would love it,” I commented as Hoseok looked a little puzzled at my words. He didn’t say anything to voice his expression, and I felt my face heat up. Did I say something wrong?

“Well what do you think they would like?” Hoseok asked as I narrowed my eyes in thought. I tried to hurry up with my thoughts as I saw the worker was getting impatient with me and my indecisive self.

“Taehyung loves lemon, so I’ll take some lemon cream filled… just two,” I spoke as the employee nodded and began grabbing some from the tray. I felt stumped while looking at the different choices. What the heck would Jungkook like?

I took a deep breath and pursed my lips, blowing the air back out of my lungs. “What kind of donuts would he like…?”

Hoseok’s eyes studied me with interest as I was still deep in thought. Did Jungkook like blueberries as well? Maybe I should get some more blueberry cake and finish out with original to be safe…

“Who?” Hoseok asked me to snap me out of my thoughts. I turned to him to answer his question as I froze with my mouth partially open.

...Shit…

“Er,” I scratched the back of my head and tried to play it off as if I meant to say what I had been saying. Hoseok doesn’t need to find out about Jungkook living with me, and I about blew that cover. “Yoongi. I was thinking about getting something for him as an apology. I… I’ve been kind of a bad friend to him lately.”

Hoseok seemed skeptical at first, but he didn’t push the subject.

“I think he might like blueberry cake… I’ll take two more blueberry and the rest original. Does that sound good with you?” I turned to Hoseok and he nodded with a soft smile on his face. We both began reaching for our wallets at the same time as my eyebrows raised.

“No, I’m paying,” I spoke as Hoseok pulled his card out and began holding it out for the employee to take. I felt my face heat up as Hoseok just glanced my way and winked.

“I’d feel embarrassed to let you pay for these,” Hoseok spoke as the employee held his card out to him for him to take back. I puffed out my cheeks for a couple of seconds as Hoseok chuckled at my expression.

“But I did order them as if I was taking half of them at least,” I frowned as Hoseok waved me off.

“I don’t mind paying for your stuff, especially when we’re on a date, you know?” he smiled as he carried the box out the door. We stopped at a table that was outside to grab a donut to eat on our walk back to his car.

“What do you want to do next?” Hoseok asked in between bites as I raised my eyebrows. I looked over at him mid-chew as he smiled and let out a small laugh through his nose.

“You mean you want to continue this date? Have I been that fun?” I smiled after I swallowed my bite. I forgot just how good these donuts tasted.

“I would say so,” Hoseok nodded as I looked down at the ground bashfully. It felt… really good to know that Hoseok was having fun with me. It was also really nice that he wasn’t afraid to inform me that he was enjoying my company.

“I wouldn’t mind going to walk around the mall. It’s been a while since I’ve been even though I work nearby,” I slightly laughed as Hoseok nodded in agreement.

“The mall it is, then!”

…

We walked around the mall aimlessly, walking into random stores and glancing around at anything that gauged our interests. I would get excited over something that interested me, and Hoseok would glance at the items, trying to take a mental picture of each and every one of them.

I dragged him around into a few stores that he was unsure about, but by the time we left, he had a smile on his face. We hadn’t really bought anything from any of the stores, and that was in part to me being paranoid that Hoseok would try and force me to let him pay for my things.

We took a break at the food court as we bought some bubble tea at one of the yogurt places. I sipped happily at my tea as Hoseok’s eyes lazed around the mall a little. I got lost in my own thoughts as I started to think back to the sick Jungkook at home. My mind had refused to let me forget about him all throughout lunch, and while I had forgotten about him until now, I was still annoyed at how much I was thinking about him. I’m on a date with another man, yet I can’t stop thinking about Jungkook for long enough to focus on him.

I started looking around at the people around us when I spotted none other than Soomin. I couldn’t help but feel dread fill my insides as I noticed that she was flirting with some guy I’d never seen before. I was hoping that she wasn’t going to see me, but luck hasn’t really been on my side as of late.

“Is everything okay?” Hoseok asked as I snapped out of thought and looked at him with slightly widened eyes. I nodded tightly as Hoseok spun around to survey the area.

“I-It’s just,” I put a hand on his as his attention turned back to me. I did not want to draw attention to the two of us. I not only didn’t want to talk to Soomin because I was still upset, but I did not want to talk about Jungkook while on this date with Hoseok. Things were awkward enough since the drama at the bowling alley.

“An old friend is around this area. I just don’t want her to see me is all,” I confessed as Hoseok’s eyebrows knit. He nodded and grabbed my hand, standing up from our seats. He gestured for me to grab my drink as the two of us ducked out, me directing him to steer clear of Soomin. I giggled as Hoseok started making noises of suspenseful music. He smiled at me as a laughed, and the two of us ran off in the direction of the parking lot that we parked in.

“As much as I hate to,” Hoseok’s expression was turning into a frown as my head tilted to look at him, “I should probably take you home. It’s nearly six, and I’m sure you don’t want to have dinner with me, too.”

I smiled softly, my mind briefly thinking back to Jungkook. I waved the thought of him away as I slightly squeezed Hoseok’s hand that was in mine.

“I wouldn’t mind having a simple dinner with you. Just some cheap fast food will do since we had a late lunch.”

Hoseok could stop himself from smiling as I felt his positivity course through my body. He was such a positive person, and I couldn’t help but think about how… opposite from Jungkook he is. He’s definitely a much better fit for me than Jungkook is…

“Well I can’t say no to spending more time with you,” Hoseok nodded and picked up his pace, slightly dragging me as he moved faster toward his car, “Just make sure that Taehyung won’t be upset with me keeping you out so long.”

I internally scoffed as I thought back to Taehyung. He’s probably having a field day at the thought of how long our date was lasting. As long as I wasn’t dwelling in my feelings for Jungkook, Taehyung didn’t care how long I was with Hoseok.

I nodded to Hoseok as he glanced back at me, letting go of my hand as we finally arrived to his car. “I think he’ll be fine.”

…

It was about 6:30 when Hoseok pulled into the parking lot of my apartment complex to park. He softly mentioned that he was going to walk me up to my apartment even after I reassured him several times that I would be okay walking myself up. He wasn’t budging on his stance, and I couldn’t help but worry about him finding out about Jungkook. I’d feel rude not inviting Hoseok inside for some coffee or something before he left, but there was no way that I could. He’d find out that Jungkook is one of my roommates.

I didn’t see Hoseok as the crazy jealous type, but not everyone is who they seem to be.

We got to my floor as I turned to smile at Hoseok. I had the box of donuts in my hands and my leftover food in a bag on top of the donut box. He just softly looked down at me with a sweet smile as I felt my heart flutter. I couldn’t help but feel excited at that feeling. Could this be the beginning of something real between the two of us?

“I had fun,” I nodded, continuing to look into his eyes that were hard to look away from, “It was just a simple little date, but I had a blast. You seemed to make even the simplest activities fun.”

“Why thank you,” Hoseok slightly bowed as I caught a scent of his shampoo. It was no Fierce by Abercrombie and Fitch, but it smelled really nice. “So I guess this means you would be up for a second date?”

I nodded quickly after his question as I felt his hand lightly grab one of my elbows. I felt my breath catch in my throat as he leaned down slightly, connecting his lips to the skin on my cheek. It was a very soft, almost ghost-like contact, as if he was afraid to commit pressure to the kiss. My cheeks heated up as he slowly pulled away, his eyes fluttering down to look down at me with a blush adorned on his cheeks.

“I’ll text you,” Hoseok smiled as I smiled in return. I thought back to his last words to me as he left the bowling alley, and at the thought of the bowling alley, I also thought back to Jungkook. That annoying bastard was popping up in my thoughts any chance he got.

“Ditto,” I waved at him as I turned around to put my keys in the lock. Hoseok descended down the stairs as I sighed and made my way back into the germ infested space.

My eyes immediately met with Jungkook’s as I noticed he and Taehyung were sitting on the couch playing some video game. I noticed the look on his eyes as he glanced at me  was slightly murderous, but thanks to Taehyung’s presence, I figured that Jungkook was going to have to hold in all his choice words.

Taehyung glanced at me as I walked in the door, and he seemed to become excited. “I’m guessing the date went well since you’re not only smiling, but you’ve also been with him for almost 6 hours.”

I felt my cheeks heat up with slight embarrassment as Jungkook just stared angrily at the TV. “It was very nice. We both had a lot of fun, and I can confirm that there will be a second date.”

Taehyung internally cheered as I giggled at his excited wiggling. He eyed the box I had in my hands before I placed the box in front of the two of them. Jungkook also looked down at the box as I felt myself give in to my worries that I had buried in the back of my mind until now.

“How’s your fever?” I asked as I reached out to feel his forehead. He was quick to snatch my arm and my eyes widened as he shoved my hand away from him.

“I’m fine,” he snapped as I narrowed my eyes at him.

“I brought some donuts home. Not sure if you guys want any, but you’re welcome to have some,” I informed as Taehyung was quick to pop the lid up. His eyes lit up as he saw his lemon cream filled donuts sitting in the box.

I studied Jungkook’s reaction as he grabbed one of the blueberry cake donuts. I felt my heart swell with happiness as he took a bit of the donut, very clearly enjoying the taste. I smiled as his pleasure, and he quickly took a second bite.

“I’ve never had this kind before,” he comments as I sat down on the arm of the couch. Soft Jungkook was appearing as I felt myself ready to take advantage of it.

“It’s my favorite kind. I didn’t know what kind you liked, so I took a gamble for those,” I informed as Jungkook nodded, the faintest smile on his face. I felt satisfaction flow through me as Jungkook continued to eat the donut with a pleased look on his face.

“You were thinking of us even on your date?” Taehyung said with a teasing smile on his face, “How’d Hoseok feel about you buying us donuts?”

“He didn’t think anything of it,” I responded as I looked down at my hands, “though I had to lie and say that the other donuts were for Yoongi and not Jungkook. I was afraid that he would become suspicious of why I would want to buy Jungkook something.”

“That was a good call,” Taehyung nodded as Jungkook raised a brow in confusion.

“Sorry?” he shook his head, his eyebrows as expressive as ever. I couldn’t help but smile at his expression as Taehyung turned to him to explain.

“We’re not telling Hoseok that you live with us,” he clarified as Jungkook continued to look confused, “It would just be weird to him if he found out that the girl he likes is living with another man. He might get the wrong idea.”

Jungkook slowly began nodding as his eyes turned from confused to understanding. His eyes looked up at me as I caught the slightest smirk on his face. He didn’t let Taehyung see it as it was gone quicker than it appeared.

“Is that so? Alright. I won’t let Jung know that I live here,” he nodded as I felt myself shiver. The tone in his voice was undoubtedly worrying.

Taehyung stood up and walked off to the kitchen as I wasted no time narrowing my eyes at the sick man on the couch.

“What are you smirking about?” I asked with a low voice as Jungkook looked away and shrugged.

“I guess now I have some blackmail up my sleeve. Get ready, Ari. You’re about to be doing a lot for me just so I’ll keep our little secret from Hoseok.” he sounded sinister as my jaw nearly dropped to the floor.

“You’re blackmailing me?” I sounded so dumbfounded, and it made Jungkook look even more pleased.

“Of course I am. It’s what you get for not keeping your mouth shut about us.”

“I didn’t say a thing to Taehyung about you making any moves on me, Jeon.”

“So?”

“And you and Tae are back to being friends! What is there to be so upset over?”

“Probably the fact that you’re-”

The two of us shut up as the fridge closed and Taehyung walked back into the living room seconds later.

“Is anyone up for a round of Mario Kart?”

::

A/N: I will never get tired of jealous Jungkook honestly. Not to spoil, but there’s a lot of that to come... :x

⇨ Masterlist ⇦

[thenovelartist]

The Love Dare, chapter 11

~ AO3 ~ Fanfiction ~ Support me on Ko-Fi ~

<<<First   <<Prev   Next>>

Day 24

Adrien was at least up and moving the next day, even if he was walking like an old man. He would count that as a win.

His next win was that his wife was back at his side, like the partners they were. They shared the bed last night. First time in month. Sadly, he didn’t know how many. But waking up beside her, that petite little firecracker sprawled out over his chest, hair a fluffy mess and expression serene and happy, that was what he lived for.

She even stayed in bed a little later than normal today. It made him extremely happy.

Yet, he was still a little disappointed that she had to leave for work.

“I do have to go just check in on things today. And then I have an interview.”

“Oh?” he said, raising a brow. “What position?”

“Nathalie’s.”

Adrien’s eyes widened. He stood there frozen, looking stiffer than he actually was.

A soft blush rose to her cheeks. “You were right,” she admitted. “You and Tikki. I let the company take priority over you, over Tikki, over my health; I let it consume me. I haven’t even been designing anything lately because I’ve been so worked up over micromanaging the company. But that’s going to change. I swear. I’m not going to let it consume me anymore, and if I need to hire people so that that all happens, then I hire people.” She rounded the counter so that she was standing directly in front of Adrien. “I swear,” she began, looking him in the eye and placing her hand over his heart. “I will not make you feel like you have to compete with the company for me.”

He could feel the tears coming on. Even though he was smiling, he bit his lower lip to keep it from quivering. “I don’t deserve you,” he whispered, his voice unable to be any louder.

“A ladybug always needs her kitty,” she returned just as softly.

He sniffed, and those tears poured over his cheeks. “Again,” he said, reaching out to hold her hips and pull her close. “I don’t deserve you.”

By now, they were chest to chest, his hands holding her hips and her hands on his sides. Their eyes locked for a moment, but then he found his gaze drifting southward to her lips.

When their gazes met again, he could see that her expression had shifted. Her breathing was picking up, as was his. Slowly, he began lowering his head.

She shifted, slowly pushing herself up on her tip-toes while one of her hands came up to cup his cheek. His gaze fell to her lips again. He was close now, but he hesitated a moment, letting her back out now if she wanted.

But she was still there, and so he lowered his lips the rest of the way to meet hers.

They were soft. The kiss itself was gentle and tentative and testing. It was him pressing his lips to hers, lingering a good second, then pulling away. But only barely.

He had to take a step to widen his stance. He was so dizzy he could fall over at any given second.

And then that was all forgotten because her lips were back on his. Firmer, this time. They moved on his, and he eventually had the bright idea to respond.

It didn’t grow heated, consisting of only sweet, needy touches, yet when she pulled away, he had to reach for the counter to stable himself. He knew in that moment that she was going to leave and he was going to pass out. And when she got home and found him on the floor—because with his back, he wasn’t getting up on his own anytime soon—he would say that it was all her fault because she was deadly to him. She was his worst weakness.

They were silent for a moment. He couldn’t open his eyes and instead focused on breathing normally because his heart was going faster than his sports car could.

“I…” Marinette began, her voice a weak as he felt. It wasn’t helping knowing that he was the one to cause her breathlessness. “I should go.”

“Oh… okay,” was all he managed to say. He forced his eyes open to look at her. “Good luck on the interview,” he said. “And have a good day.”

She gave him a smile that was going to kill him. “Thank you. You rest and get better. Text me if you need anything.”

“I will.”

Next thing he knew, she was gone and out the door. He put both hands on the counter for support.

“You okay?” Plagg asked, floating at his side.

No. Adrien was not okay. He was two steps from passing out and being sprawled out on the floor because a simple kiss had left him weak and shaky like he was a teenager again and she was giving him a kiss for the first time and he didn’t know how to handle it.

But Adrien was a liar. “Yeah. I’m fine. But I’m going to go lay down a bit.”

“Need an ice pack or anything?”

“The heating pad worked really well. I’m going to go lay on that.”

“Okay. Tell me if you need anything.”

“I will. Thanks, Plagg.”

Slowly, Adrien made his way back to bed. There was a notebook on the side table that wasn’t there before. Adrien hadn’t seen it before, but considering that it was pink with polka dots, it had to be Marinette’s.

Curiously, he opened it, wondering if she forgotten it or not. It wouldn’t surprise him if she did; it was a classic Marinette thing to do. He cracked the cover only to see the words “The Love Dare” written in loopy lettering on the front page.

He turned the page.

Day 1: Love is patient.

Love is communicated in a number of ways, but our words often reflect the condition of our hearts. So, for the entire day, demonstrate patience with your partner. Do not say anything negative to Adrien, and if you feel the urge to, don’t say anything at all.

Slowly, he took a seat on the bed. Don’t say anything negative to Adrien. Those words jumped off the page at him. He couldn’t resist turning the page again, only to see a journal entry.

Dear Diary,

Tikki is making me do this. It wasn’t my idea to journal at the end of the day and “reflect on my actions.” But I don’t want to argue with Tikki. She’s scary when she’s angry.

Adrien smirked. Tikki had nothing on Plagg.

It’s the beginning of this forty-day challenge to “fix the box” so to speak. Do I want to save this marriage? Maybe. I don’t even know. Adrien hates me. It’s irritating dealing with him. I don’t need his sass. I didn’t even know “we’re out of milk” could be as sassy and have as much attitude as he put in it.

Adrien froze. Day 1. He remembered that day because that was the day he had decided he was done and was just waiting for a reason to walk out of the house. Waiting for her to fight so he could have a reason to leave, permanently.

But she didn’t give it to him.

He turned the page.

Day 2: Love is kind

In addition to not saying anything negative today, do one act of kindness for Adrien without expecting anything in return.

He turned the page, ready for the journal entry, though there wasn’t much there besides her commenting on how frustrating it was that the dares all accumulated and what was she supposed to do—

He paused, re-reading that line again.

What was she supposed to do a day 40.

Forty.

Forty days of dares.

Adrien looked up from the journal to stare at the wall. She’d undertaken a set of forty dares from Tikki? All to save their marriage?

Before he knew it, Adrien was burning through the journal, reading every dare and journal entry.

At day 7, he looked at the ragged edge of the ripped page and wondered why it was there. By day 8, he knew why.

At day 18, he cringed at the journal entry. He had been such an ass.

At day 22, he stared at the entry, reading it over again as it recounted her ‘visit’ to Kagami, saying that there was no way she’d let that woman have Adrien if she had anything to say about it.

But she did have a say about it. A very big one.

By the time he finished, Adrien was crying. No way around that.

“Plagg!” he shouted.

His kwami came rushing in, eyes wide with worry. “What happened?”

“What is this?” Adrien asked, wiping the tears off his face as he held the journal in the air. “I know you know what this is. What is it?”

Plagg stared at the book, slowly sinking from his alerted posture. “We kwamis call it the Love Dare,” he explained. “All kwamis know about it. It’s a series of forty dares that we use to challenge our holder when they’re going through a rough patch in their marriage. In this case, Tikki pulled it on Marinette because you weren’t willing to hear it from me.”

Those last words struck Adrien in the gut. Hard. Painfully hard. “You… you tried…”

Plagg nodded. “But you weren’t ready nor open. You threw your ring off. However, Marinette was.”

His ring. A wave of panic washed over him as he looked down at his hand. His ring. Instantly, he stood from the bed and began scavenging through the drawers. “Where is it. Where is it!” Every passing second, he was cursing himself. He should have found it two nights ago when he knew in his heart that he wasn’t giving up on that woman, but he didn’t. So now, he was painstakingly bending over to search for the ring he threw in a drawer. His back hurt so bad, but he deserved it.

Just as he was about to start sobbing, Plagg phased through one of the drawers, only to reappear with the ring a few seconds later.

Adrien shoved it back on his finger, wondering if he should superglue it there just to remind him that giving up on Marinette wasn’t an option and never would be. He loved that woman more than he deserved to. And she clearly loved him back far more than he deserved.

Because frankly, what he deserved was her throwing divorce papers at his face and telling him that he can take a hike so she could find someone who actually cared enough to fight for their marriage.

Wedding ring on, he hobbled into the bathroom and decided to pull himself together. He took a hot shower, begging himself to stop crying countless times throughout. After that, he searched his closet, pulling out a pair of nice slacks, a white button down, and a vest. From there, he grabbed his phone and his wallet, but Plagg sat on his car keys. “Just what do you think you’re doing?”

“Plagg, please, I’m not in the mood for this.”

“Not until you tell me just what you’re planning.”

Adrien leveled a look at Plagg. “Fine.”

…

Marinette got home in a really good mood. The interview was a success, and while there were several others lined up, Marinette felt that this girl might be a pretty good fit.

She walked inside. “Adrien,” she called out the second she swung open the door. “I’m home. Where are you at?”

“Bedroom,” he called out.

With a grin, she bounded off to meet him and maybe give him another kiss because heaven knew she’d been caving another hit like a junkie all day long. However, she slowed to a stop, her grin falling in surprise as she saw Adrien standing in the bedroom, dressed-up and looking as handsome as ever. In his arms was a huge bouquet of red roses tied together with a large, polka dotted ribbon.

“Marinette,” he began. He looked off to the bed, pulling out from the sheets a notebook that looks suspiciously like hers.

Her stomach dropped. “Where’d you find that?”

“You left it out on the nightstand,” he answered, setting the book down on the bed. “I thought you forgot it and needed it for work, but when I opened it…”

Her heart twisted into a nervous mess before sinking to the floor in shame. “You read it, didn’t you?”

“I did,” he admitted.

Marinette wasn’t sure what to think then. Adrien looked equally lost for words.

“Marinette,” Adrien said after a long time of just standing there. “I… I don’t even know what to say other than I am so, so, so sorry.”

Her gaze lifted from the floor to meet his.

Slowly, he stepped over to her, then painstakingly took a knee before her. “Marinette,” he repeated, tears in his eyes just like she knew there were tears in hers. “Marinette, I don’t deserve you. With the way I’ve acted not just these past few weeks but these past several months, the fact you pulled that,” he pointed at the journal, “on me… blows my mind.”

She smiled. “You’re worth it.”

“Not in the beginning, I wasn’t.”

“I’m sorry,” Marinette quickly said. “I’m sorry for ever—”

“Don’t you dare complete that sorry,” he warned. “Because if you recall, I wasn’t any better than you back then. In fact, I was definitely worse because I didn’t even think about listening to my kwami when he was trying to suggest I do that.” His head bowed in shame. “I wasn’t even willing to try to save our marriage, Marinette. And for that, I am truly, deeply sorry. You have no idea…”

And that’s when his shoulders shook.

Her heart may be broken and shattered all over the ground in a million little pieces and her brain may be fried out of shock, but she still reached out to cradle her husband’s head to her chest.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, curling his arms around her. “And I know no amount of flowers in the world will fix this, but I’m asking, Marinette—begging, really—would you consider forgiving me for being such an ass. Such an ass.”

“Oh, minou,” she said, burying her face in his hair as tears started rolling down her cheeks. “I forgive you.”

“I’m going to finish the love dares with you.”

That got her to pause. “What?”

“Yes,” he insisted, clinging to her tighter. “Yes, because you deserve it. You deserve so much more than I can possibly give you. But I will be finishing those love dares with you. I went out and got a journal today. Plagg’s been catching me up on all the dares so that I can start tomorrow with you, facing these dares together. You deserve that from me. You deserve more than that, but I can’t go back in time, so that’s what I can give. And I swear, I will be pouring my all into them because you are my wife and there is no one more important to me than you.”

She was sobbing. She was outright sobbing, and there was no stemming the flow of tears pouring down her face right now. “I love you,” she said. “You’re the most important person to me, too, kitty. I love you so much. I can’t… I can’t lose you.”

“I love you, too, bugaboo,” Adrien returned, wetting her blouse with his tears. “I love you so, so much.”

[thephantomofthe-internet]

Homeward Bound: Chapter 1

Steve Harrington x Henderson!Reader, Billy Hargrove x Henderson!Reader

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13

Word Count: 2,015

Warnings: swearing, death mention, general fear and anxiety

Author’s Note: So this, with any luck will a series if y’all like it!!! I’m really happy with what I’ve written thus far. I know this chapter isn’t exactly thrilling, but it’s the preamble to what the story will become. If you like it, send a comment or ask, I really wanna know what you’re feeling on this one, cause if you hate it I won’t continue. Also, might change the title cause it’s shit!  Anyway, enjoy!

Permanent Tag: @hotstuffhargrove @denimjacketkisses @flamehairedwritings @lilmissperfectlyimperfect @steveharringtonofficial @giftofdreams @feverxxdream

Feedback Appreciated!!!

   Leaving Hawkins was the right choice. After your parent’s divorce and the mess that was the disasters in Hawkins’ Labs, your family being heavily involved, you were more than happy to take your government pay out and move as far away as possible. So while Dustin finished off his years at Hawkins High School, you pursued a law degree at Berkeley. Then, you switched to teaching. Then, you dropped out altogether. You wrote your first novel in parts, mostly in a well-worn spiral notebook with chunks coming in from napkin and coffee sleeve scrawling while working in a coffee shop in San Diego, watching struggling actors chase hangovers with caffeine and Valium and sitting through the careless flirting from rogue beat poets and other moustachioed hipsters.

But you were fabulously happy. Sure, every so often, when money was tight and morale was down, you thought about going home. But then you remembered that home meant Hawkins and Hawkins meant reliving the day your best friend Heather was eaten by demo-dogs right before your eyes. You couldn’t bear the thought of repeating that memory over and over again in your head. You couldn’t bear to see if Hawkins had moved on without her.

And besides, you could breathe easy away from your old small town. Nobody knew you, at least not by what happened to you and your family, and those who recognized you kept away. You could easily blend in to the crowds and not stick out as the girl who survived the labs. You felt free and easy, calm for the first time in years.

So, you stayed where you were. You made excuses on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter every year like clockwork. You flew out to Chicago to see your dad once, if only because Dustin was going and you missed him like crazy. He understood, of course. If not for Lucas, Mike, and Max still living in town, he would’ve moved in with dad and Marnie in a heartbeat. He called as often as he could, telling you tales of triumph and woe.

In his last call, he’d spent thirty minutes bragging about how many girls asked him to prom, including the first girl to ever spurn him, Stacy Canfield. He had delighted in rejecting her the same way she did him way back in the eighth grade. But now, on the phone, he didn’t sound so pleased.

“So? Did Marcy say yes or not?” you giggled excitedly, pressing the phone tighter between your shoulder and head as you leaned down to paint your pinkie toenail neon pink, the wet polish shiny on your toes.

“Huh? Oh, yeah she did…” Dustin mumbled on the other end and you swore you could practically hear his feet shuffling awkwardly all the way in California, a leftover from his guilty toddler years.

You sighed, shaking your head slightly, you long mismatched earrings clattering against themselves. “Alright, what’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing!” Dustin cried.

“Dusty, you spent months talking up this chick, you finally land her and all you can say is ‘oh, yeah’? Something’s bugging you so just tell me.” You insisted, dropping the tiny brush back into the tiny bottle, waving your hands over the wet polish.

He sighed “It’s just…I’m graduating soon and mom’s on my case about inviting you down and I don’t want to make a big deal and I know you hate Hawkins…”

“Stop.” You interrupted, silencing him in an instant. “Do you want me there?”

“Yes.” He gulped, his voice shaky and awkward and small; like a boy trying to hide the voice cracks of puberty.

“Then I’m there.” You replied swiftly, smirking as though you’d won. Truly you had.

“But what-” he started again, causing you to groan loudly.

“Ah! Don’t worry about me! Worry about exams and prom and Marcy! Have mom call me with the date and I’ll book a flight.” You promised.

This made Dustin happy, which was the ultimate goal, but it planted a seed of anxiety in your stomach that could not be soothed. You suffered through calls from your mother, filled with tense excitement and worried questions. You pushed through the fear, you bought the ticket and gave your editor your mother’s phone number. You packed your bags and handed your neighbour, Stella, your spare key and the twenty dollars you’d promised her son Georgie to water your plants.

You got on the plane, manuscript in hand, ready to edit the novel you’d spent nearly three years on, your editor’s initial notes running through your head. The flight was four hours long, then you’d have to drive from Indianapolis to Hawkins, a nearly five hour drive. Your day was set to be long and awful and it made you want to turn back and not coming back, returning to the warmth and comfort of your tiny apartment.

But you pushed through. You owed Dustin that much. You felt like a terrible sister having never come to visit, but you pushed away that feeling. You’d be home in nine hours and you’d have a full two weeks with the younger boy you adored so much. You just had to push through the journey, to hell with it being the true adventure; you knew coming home would be more intense than getting there.

Still, the drive was filled with the same sickly memories of leaving Hawkins for the first time. It had been a day trip with your almost boyfriend, Steve, just into Chicago to find the child killer their only believable source, Jane, had described.

Steve.

You hadn’t even thought about him when you were planning your trip back. He was still in Hawkins, as per his mentions in Dustin’s letters. The two were still thick as thieves, the older brother Dustin never had. Of course, you were still happy that he hung around with your brother, even after your friendship and “relationship” fell apart. You always worried that once you two became friends, he’d leave Dustin in the dust, but he didn’t. You worried that he was just using Dustin to get in your pants and he’d stop when he got what he wanted, but he didn’t. You especially worried that he’d stop hanging out with Dustin when you two fell apart, but he didn’t. Now, with you gone, you hoped their friendship was strong. You hoped that with you there, Steve wouldn’t be put off from coming to see him, from going to his graduation.

You two had not ended well.

Hopefully, that wouldn’t get in the way.

As you drove down the interstate, your mind flashed memories of going the opposite way.

September 1986, a late summer breeze blowing your hair out of your face as you stuck your hand through the wide open window, fingers wiggling in the breeze, a smile on your face so effortless and bright it could rival the sun, R.E.M’s The One I Love blasting through the speakers, Steve’s not-so-secret latest favourite song. He was singing along, off-key of course; Steve wasn’t exactly a fabulous singer, his fingers tapping out the rhythm on the steering wheel. You were laughing at his awful British accent, watching him for a beat longer than usual, mouth open in the aftermath of the laugh, still smiling. The sun was beginning to set, golden hour slowly shifting its soft light over the sky. You’d left late, Steve’s fault, he’d woken up late and spent too long choosing the appropriate road trip snacks.

“It’s an important decision, Y/N.” he insisted inside the grocery store, mulling over bags of chips. “If done incorrectly, this could ruin our entire trip!”

You rolled your eyes, shaking your head. “This is so stupid…” you muttered, stalking off to grab a bag of jerky, which wasn’t on Steve’s list but ultimately saved his snack collection once you were on the road.

It would be night soon, you’d have to eventually stop and rest or switch drivers. You weren’t necessarily comfortable driving at night, but Steve had insisted on driving the first shift, claiming that he wouldn’t know where you were going if he wasn’t in the front seat, with you holding the map. Jane had told you to simply take a Grey Hound bus, like she had, but you weren’t interested in sharing public space for hours, besides you’d still have to drive to the Grey Hound station, three towns over.

But watching Steve in that moment, you felt it for the first time-love. Or something like it. Him golden in the sunset, wearing a goofy smile as he sang along to the radio, his sunglasses slipping down his nose, freckles poking up from the sunlight. He looked…well stunning. His hair had deflated hours ago, his forehead caked with sweat, a light sunburn on his neck and shoulders, his shirt stained with sweat. By no means was he at his peak, but he looked so at peace behind the wheel. So long had you two been two steps away from danger, death following you everywhere, but now he looked calm and easy. Even though you were headed towards at worst a dangerous killer and at best a dead end, he looked as though you were just taking a normal summer road trip, going to his parent’s beach house for a weekend with some friends. Everything was calm and the roads were beginning to clear out, signs for motels picking up on the road signs and billboards. The danger of Hawkins miles behind you, you almost felt like you were free from it. Almost. But watching Steve, so calm and cool, you felt the anxiety constantly pulling at your heart never lessening its tight pull. You would be okay, as long as you stayed in that car, in that moment, singing along to Whitney Houston and Heart and whatever else came through the station’s playlist.  

That memory, of Steve’s happy, easy expression behind the wheel of his first car, filled your heart with the same lightness it did at the time. You were certain it was just emotional memory, the same way remembering watching your parents fight on Christmas morning made your stomach churn to this day. You couldn’t push away the feeling, which made you a bit nauseous; they stayed persistent in your heart, as did the memory. That was one of the good ones from that time, before everything was going up shit’s creek on a daily basis and fear was as normal of a feeling as complacent boredom. You could count the genuinely happy and peaceful moments of those tense years on two hands.

But you wanted to make new memories, you wanted to not hate that town every time you had to go back, you didn’t want to be filled with dread as you drove past the welcome sign.

You couldn’t remember a time when you really loved Hawkins. Sure, you had some good memories there-mostly with Dustin and Heather, but other memories were smattered with happiness, usually with boyfriends and your other friends. But now those memories were tainted with the blood of those lost and the sheer terror the labs left behind. You moved to Hawkins for your mother as a safe haven, but you left in cloud of dust looking for your own. Coming home felt like you were entering shark invested waters with nothing to hold onto.

Unfortunately, driving past the sign now still filled you with the utmost dread, terror, and nauseous fear that forced you to pull off to the side of the road to throw up; your whole body pale and shaky, a thin layer of sweat and goose bumps covered your skin. You couldn’t do it.

Too bad you had to; you knew that if you didn’t show, they’d only get worried and start making calls, looking for you everywhere. So you pulled your legs back into the car, turned your body back to face the road and turning the engine back on.

Once, it clicked. Then twice. Then three times. The car wouldn’t start.

“Well, fuck…” you muttered, dropping your head onto the wheel.

[i-write-about-anything]

Momma’s Boy Part 17

Prompt: A witch turns Liam into a toddler causing the reader and Scott to take care of him. (Requested)

Pairing: Liam Dunbar x Reader (platonic) , Scott McCall x Reader

Parts

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16

Reader’s POV

It had been a week had passed and to no one surprise Mary was missing. She hadn’t been where I left her unconscious and it scared me to think that she was still out there. Melissa had treated my now broken ankle, she had been amazed that I was able to walk home from such a long way with it broken but I told her it must have been the adrenaline. Liam’s cheek was bruised and he had tried to avoid me the first two days, he was scared of me and I didn’t blame him, I had almost killed his biological mother right in front of him. He slept with Scott while I slept zero minutes of the day. I was terrified of Mary coming back and I was terrified of Liam being taken that I had stayed completely awake through the first three days. I cracked on the third day, crying hysterically in Scott’s arms, which was what made Liam make contact with me. He had wrapped his small arms around be before trying to wipe the tears out of my face. When the tears didn’t stop he had ran to get Scott, tripping on the way over. He had lost some of his balance and he had also lost some of his vocabulary which was getting harder to understand him. I finally had sleep on the fourth day when I was watching Lion King with Liam, I hadn’t noticed how tired I was until I had woken up to Liam snuggling into my chest. I had closed my eyes for a second and I passed out almost immediately. We hadn’t left the house and no one had come in the house but Stiles on the second day which prompted an outburst from me. Beat the shit out of him and now he had a black eye. He hadn't left since neither Scott or I had felt comfortable opening our doors, not that Stiles wanted to leave either, he hadn’t wanted anyone to see his eye which I was somewhat proud of. “Stiles!” Liam’s voice yelled and it had been the twentieth time he had yelled his name today. “Mommy!” I could hear his voice break which meant he was about to cry and I didn’t need that right now. 

“What happen?” I used my crutches to get into the living room where I found Stiles dangling Liam’s toys on top of him. “Stiles.” I sighed out.

“This little runt threw it at my face.” He snarled looking down at Liam who kicked him in the shin.

“Liam!” I sighed out as Stiles grabbed his leg. “Step, now.” Liam looked at me and started pouting. “No, no pouting, go before I take all the toys away.” He crossed his arms before stomping to the bottom step and sitting down, his face scrunched up in madness. 

“That’s what you get kid.” Stiles smiled at him and I looked at Stiles. 

“Don’t make me put you on there too.” He chuckled and Scott walked in from his nap. 

“What’s going on?” He rubbed his eyes before looking at Liam on the step. “Again?” He sighed and I looked at Stiles. 

“The kid obviously still has anger issues.” Stiles spoke before sticking his tongue out at Liam and I didn't know who was the bigger child in the room. 

“Alright, that’s it, go join him.” I shifted on my crutches and Stiles laughed. 

“You can’t be serious.” He looked at me and I gave him a stern look. 

“Stiles, I gave you a black eye once, I can do it again.” I sighed out and he looked at Scott. 

“Hey, she calls the shots.” Scott spoke putting his hand on my back and Stiles huffed before walking to the step and sitting next to Liam who was glaring at him. 

“This is stupid, I'm not a little kid.” Stiles spoke as I sat on the couch. 

“Then stop acting like one.” I spoke back and I heard him huff once more before I looked at Scott. 

“Feeling better?” His smile was bright and I hadn't seen it like this all week. 

“A little.” I gave him my best smile but he knew it was forced. “Any news?” I bit my lip and Scott shook his head looking down at his hands. “It’s okay, we’re here and if she tried anything, there’s two and a half of us.” He looked at me before chuckling a bit and smiled without thinking about it. 

“Mommy hates you.” I heard Liam’s voice and I hadn’t realized him and Stiles were arguing. 

“What’s your problem with me?” Stiles spoke and I looked back at them as I saw them back to back. 

“You meanie.” Liam looked at him and Stiles chuckled. 

“I’m mean? You threw a toy at my black eye, I think the only mean one here is you.” Stiles spoke. 

“Stupid.” Stile looked at Liam who stuck his tongue out at him. 

“You’re lucky you’re two and not fifteen otherwise I'd kick your ass.” Stiles pointed to Liam. 

“Ass?” Liam tested the word and my eyes widened. 

“Hey, language!” Scott spoke up. 

“Shit, sorry.” Stiles apologized only to make it worse.

“Shit!” Liam clapped and I put my hand on my forehead. 

“Liam, no, those are bad words.” Scott stood up making his way towards the stairs. “Go sit in the living room.” Scott growled at Stiles who quickly took a seat next to me. 

“You’re the worst.” I looked at him and he pursed his lips. 

“You don’t say stuff like that, okay?” Scott spoke and Liam looked at me. 

“Listen to your father, otherwise you’ll be sitting there for another five minutes.” Liam nodded furiously and I smiled at him when Scott patted his back. He ran towards me and climbed on the couch. 

“Sorry.” He looked down and his hands before looking at Stiles. 

“You’re apologizing to me?” Stiles pointed his finger to his chest and Liam crossed his arms. “I’ll take it.” He put his hands up in defense and I giggled taking Liam onto my lap. 

“Lion King.” He pointed to the TV and I was seriously so tired of that movie.

“How about we watch something else?” Scott spoke sitting next to me. “Like, Nemo?” Scott looked at Liam and it had been one of the only times Scott had suggested anything other than Lion King, we were all tired of it. 

“Otay!” Liam bounced on my lap and I smiled as Scott sighed in relief. He was getting pickier and pickier by the day and we didn't know what to expect from him anymore. 

“Are you hungry?” I looked down at Liam who shook his head before placing it on my chest. A sudden knock at the door had us all stopped in our tracks and Liam’s arms wrapped around my neck. 

“Stay here.” Scott spoke before slowly walking to the front door. 

“Hey, it’s okay.” I rubbed my hand up and down Liam’s back before looking at Stiles who was biting his lip.

___________

Scott’s POV

I walked towards the door and I could hear the pounding of everyone’s heartbeats in my ears which only made me more nervous. No one had come along since Stiles and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to know who was at the door. I took in a deep breathe before opening the door just a slight bit before seeing Stiles’ dad and I could feel my lungs working again. “Sheriff.” I spoke and he sighed looking at me. 

“May I come in?” I looked back at (y/n) who had been having small talk with Stiles before looking back at his dad. 

“How about I go out there?” He slightly nodded and I stepped outside closing the door slowly behind me. The sun was bright and if I wasn’t inside for a whole week I wouldn’t be squinting my eyes. 

“I would have called but it’s better to do this in person.” He shoved his hands in his pocket and I bit my lip. “She’s in custody.” I sighed in relief running my hands over my face. “But.” He began and I looked at him. 

“But what?” He stayed silent before sighing and looking at me. 

“She’s pressing charges right back and she’s gotten Liam’s birth certificate redone. She has one of the best lawyers in town Scott, I’m afraid that if we don’t build up enough evidence against her she’ll walk away with Liam in her arms.” His voice creeped into my ear and I couldn't believe what the hell was happening. 

“But she can’t she beat him, and she kidnapped him and (y/n). How are they just going to let her press charges when we haven't done anything as bad as her.” I was fuming and I knew if this was happening (y/n) wouldn’t be able to go through it.

“In the states eyes Liam has always been hers therefore making you and (y/n) the ones that kidnapped Liam, and for the beating, I don’t know Scott. Money can buy a lot of things and I know you and (y/n) can’t afford a lawyer that expensive which is why me, your dad, your mom, argent and even Derek are willing to help you out if you would have it.” His hand brushed his hair and I couldn’t believe this was happening. 

“I can’t have him being taken away, he’s my son. But I also can’t take everyone’s money.” I sighed and sat down on the chair on my porch. “What the hell am I going to do?” I put my head in my hands and I could feel a hand on my back. 

“I’m not taking no for an answer kid. You’ve been like a son to me and I'll be dammed if I let someone take your son away from you. You’ve changed tremendously because of that kid, no one’s going to take him away from you, I promise.” And I wish I could have believed him but something didn’t feel right. 

_____________

tags; @queen–glitch @kelz1978 @standallsunshine @bouquetoftacos @veteranwerewolf95 @crazy-fangirl25@dakotapaigelove @i-am-an-outcast

[ddeadbbot]

It's your turn now, 1-27 on those apprentice questions. Tell me EVERYTHING about your boy.

I figured this was coming lmao @galpalaven​ I know you sent me some so here those answered. I’ll put it under an read more cause it’s a lot.

1) Your apprentice was brought along to one of the masquerades with a friend, who promptly ditched them ten minutes into it. What happened? How do they react?

Hedin would be upset but not surprised. He feels he rather a bore to be around. He doesn’t like crowds and is shy tho he’d stay for a while for food and watch any entertainment that might be performing then find someplace quit and away from people.

2) Does your apprentice get flustered over anything? What make them flustered? Do they turn red? Stumble over words?

He gets flustered very easily so probably anything. His whole face gets red and can barely speak.

3) How would your apprentice handle being so close to something that they desperately want, only to have it ripped away? What was it?

If there's anything he truly wants is his memory back and at this point it doesn't seem he's getting it back any time soon.  

4) Talk about your Apprentices’ self-esteem

Low. He doesn’t think he is any bit handsome or that anyone would find him interesting. He covers his missing eye in bandages so others aren’t disgusted by the scar don’t have to see it. Wears layers of clothes to hide himself in a way. His big scarf is a security blanket for him.

5) What’s one physical flaw about themselves that they hate? Do they have a reason for hating it?

His missing eye and the scar on his face. Happened when he was a child he got lost in some woods and large animal attacked him. His eye was badly damaged and later became infected making him very ill and had to be removed. It was rather traumatizing and people tend to stare and ask questions about it.

6) Do they have a personality shift depending upon certain people? Who does it change for and how so?

Hedin is a shy guy but will comfortable around certain friends and will be more open. He’d try to act more proper in front of important people like the countess but be too nervous to talk. He does have a bad habit of says to doing things people tell him.

7) Talk about your apprentices’ backstory. How did they end up with the shop? What’s their relationship (or lack thereof) with their parents? Traumatic childhood maybe?

Highwaymen killed his parents when he was a kid. Before they could try to get him he ran into the woods. Where he was attacked by an animal. He was saved by a witch that took care of him and taught him some of what she knew of magic. Ending up in the shop after finding out that it was one of his relatives and told them of his parents. 

8) How does your apprentice express affection? Outwardly? More subtle-like?

Probably subtle like Lingering touch, staring at the longer then he should with more confidence probably Hand holding. Sometimes it comes in the forms of small compliments he doesn't realize fall from his mouth.

9) Does your apprentice have any special abilities that you headcanon and cannot be accurately expressed in the actual game? What are they?

He is very good at growing plants especially mushrooms. He loves to give them care they need to flourish and growing things useful is always a plus. He also has a knack for lighting/electric spells.

10) What does their living space look like? Is the shop messy or clean?

He’s a tidy person there’s probably more dirt from the garden on the floor but that’s the worst of it.

11) Talk about how your apprentice deals with emotions. Both the ones they like to feel, and what they don’t like to feel.

 Hold it in and deal with it by himself. He’d rather not burden others with his feelings. Before the memory stuff he turn to Máni his familiar who always his emotional support.

12) What happens when your apprentice feels upset?

He gets quiet and will leaves.

13) What’s your apprentice like when sad? Do they get really depressed? Have they ever hurt themselves out of sadness?

Boyo is already depressed but his gardening helps him feel better. Máni would always make sure he took care of himself and help. During really bad depressed episode Máni will try to bring things like food Hedin and stay close to make sure he wasn't alone. 

14) A small hand-mirror has been sold to your apprentice. When they look into it, it shows their greatest fear come to life – conscious or subconscious. What is it and how does your apprentice react?

Probably the thing that almost killed him as a kid he drop the mirror and be shaking in fear. 

15) What does their daily diet look like on a normal day? Do they fast? If they fast, is it out of their control?

He doesn’t fast but he does forget to eat sometimes. He tries to graze throughout the day so he gets some food in him. Before the memory stuff Máni would remind him to eat most the time in not asra. 

16) Does your apprentice have any scars or tattoos? Where are they? Describe them?

He’s got a big scar on his face it’s old but still very visible and some others on his chest and arms. There deep scares time as faded them but they still look very deep. He has no tattoos.

17) Can they bear pain? How much pain can they bear? Do they hate it or do they like it ala our good Doctor?

He doesn’t take pain well and would rather not deal with it if he can help it.

18) Do they like their living situation? Do they like living in Vesuvia and by the sea? Do they like the cold more or do they like it warmer?

He enjoys the city and the sea even tho it’s a bit crowded it a nice feeling in it all. He from a cold area and misses it.

19) Can your character cook? What’s their favorite thing to cook?He can cook and enjoys doing so.

 He can and enjoys cooking. His favorite stews and roasted things it reminds him of home.

20) (NSFW) Does your character have any kinks? What are they? Have they ever been acted upon?

Probably a praise kink and no.

21) What’s their relationship history look like? What were their previous datemates like? Do they have a type?

Not much maybe one or two nothing serious but he isn’t much of the dating type. So it’s hard to say what their type would be.

22) Does your apprentice have a familiar? What is it and what’s their name? Do they talk to the apprentice? What’s their personality like?

A dwarf Rabbit named Máni. They talk to Hedin and care much for him remind him to do things. Running in circles and thudding there foot hard on the floor to get hedins attention and listing the things they need to do from watering plants to a run to the store. Máni had a very caring spirit to them and wanted to help Hedin out.

23) Describe your apprentices’ humor.

Puns and at times a sharp tongue depending the company.

24) Outside of magic-related workings, does your apprentice have any hobbies? Do others know about this hobby or do they keep it a secret?

He like gardening and dose it in his spare time. He doesn’t hid it in fact he likes to share what he's grown. He has been trying to take up knitting but it’s a bit difficult to get a hang of. 

25) What is the easiest way to annoy your apprentice? How do they react to being annoyed?

Being talked down to or someone just being an ass. Considers putting some small harmless curse on them.

26) How does your apprentice sleep? Do they sleep with a ton of pillows and blankets or none? Do they toss and turn? Weird things they do in their sleep?

He sleeps like a rock covers and surrounded with a bunch of blankets. He even uses a bundled up blanket as a pillow most the time.

 27) Due to the “memory issues” that permeate the game: does your apprentice ever experience déjà vu and they don’t know why? What triggered the déjà vu?

Sometimes when he's depressed he has the instinct to reach out as if to pet something like a small rabbit wanting to be comforted. Seeing and feeling fur that matched color to Mani also trigger a déjà vu moment of happy like an old freind. Smells of beef stew draw him to a closer feeling of home. 

[fuck-customers]

Warning for a couple walkthroughs of my mild anxiety attacks, mild cursing, and some alcohol and drunkenness mentions. Context: My parents and I just get home from grocery shopping after picking my dad up from work. I get started on my dinner right after we get all the groceries in. It is after 6:30pm. I live on the eastern seaboard. My mom has a private number pop up on her phone and she answers cause we have fucked up legal shit going on and you never know who's calling. "L, it's uh, a guy from /not risking those bastards finding it with even a fake name bullshittery lets call it C corp/ and its for you." My immediate thought is someone from work needs to know if I know a policy question or if I know where a tool might be or how to handle a situation. But then my heart sinks cause my mom knows everyone there and half of them call her mom because she's there early to pick me up all the time. 1. She'd have given me a name, and 2. They'd have texted me first because sometime my phone is off for a week or more because sometimes a can't afford my month by month plan. It happens, I'm poor, but my moms is always on because of legal shit, doctors appointments, job stuff for all of us, and everything else. Thing is. No one who is working tonight really knows that. They're all new or new ish and haven't had thrat happen when they try to call me yet. But it irritates the store manager to no end. She thinks I make enough to not be poor. I make pennies over 11 bucks an hour and close to a quarter of that (like 23%) gets taken out in taxes. Even with our other two incomes right now my family of 6 is broke as fuck. We were homeless for two years (TWO FUCKING YEARS) because our former slumlord neglected to pay his mortgage and the court pushed us out onto the street while charging us with evictions because the bank wanted them to. That is a whole other basket of raging, rapid, monstrous beasts, but that's beside the point. Anyway back to the story, which I now know my manager is involved in because who from corporate would know to call my mothers phone instead of my primary number. So I answer the phone and its a guy from corporate. Technically he works in my region but as far as I'm concerned district manager is corporate. So I'm in the first stages of an anxiety attack and I can barely breathe and I'm shaking and my heart is racing and I'm already tearing up. He wants to talk about a comment I made on the C corps employee resource/announcement/inventory/paperwork page. We are 'encouraged' to make these comments, I believe primarily to out unhappy people, but I had never made a comment before. Last week though, after a few days of other people commenting how unhappy they were regarding the announcement, I felt like I was safe enough to do so. Apparently not. :/ The announcement was about raises in January but with additional 'tenured' 'part/ner' raises. I'm just short of the cutoff for the three year better raise and. I. Am. Livid. Enraged. Pissed. Infuriated. Raging. Antagonized. Outraged. Inflamed. Wrathful. I've been a supervisor for nearly a year and a half. And I've been the only fucking closing one they have been able to keep. I replaced one while she went on her sabbatical, she works mornings now. The other that was there before I was promoted moved to mornings because she got burned out on nights. Which I understand. If you work nights, you get burned out. I only close. I have requested to have at least one mid shift a week, I'm tired and I deserve it. But I'm not allowed. Because this store has been through the first two who are veterans and who trained me, two men one who quit with no notice because he and most of the rest of the team (see, morning crew) and he loathed each other. Another who quit walked out on her last day because she hated the manager, a morning crew member (see a theme? Morning crew hates nights and night crew just sits there, understaffed and denied all there requests off, seething, while the manager only calls out or writes up evening crew). So right now there's me, I close 4 nights a week. I used to be full time but I had to beg for 7 months. SEVEN FUCKING MONTHS. to have one day taken off my schedule. Literally I had tears running down my face as I had to explain to her why I needed go not work t days a week. Finally, convinced I still regularly work an extra day because she's desperate and I need money. But I won't close that extra day because I asked for 3 closes and one mid a week and was still denied it because the morning crews schedules come first. There's a second closing supervisor but she happens to enjoy using racially charged words despite being white as I am and us closing with mostly poc. She sucks at her job and was only promoted because she lied about having experience as a supervisor because she can count cash but she can't run the floor. She forgets everyone else's breaks and runs hers late and literally cannot get done close to being on time. I have been told by at least four closers and preclosers that they will quit or transfer if I do because they cannot stand her. Sorry I'm really pissed and kinda drunk now so I'm getting really off topic but I promise that all of this backs up why I'm fucking pissed. So this guy from not-really-corporate ill call him D, wants to know why I feel the way I do. We have a conversation that was at least 20 minutes long. C corp is obsessed with their 'total pay' style. None of which really helps me. I'm too poor to get their healthcare, I get Medicaid. I never used it but I have to have it so there it is. I use it for glasses and that is it. They offer stock options, which take either two or three years to be available in cash I don't really know all I know is my parents advised me to leave them for when we /really/ need it but I can only.take a small amount of cash out. They offer retirement options and whatnot through a certain financial service but, once again, cannot afford to take money out of my paycheck. They offer a small handful of majors through an online school. Thing is you have to pay upfront for it, and I want to go to art school which obviously isn't offered through this program. We get a food item and free drinks every shift. I can eat a total of 1 food item available to us out of like a hundred. I ate it every day for a year and a half. I can't eat oatmeal anymore. Free drinks are great but even the theatre i worked at offered that. We go over all that. I explain that I have a family of six. I need money now. Not later. Not healthcare. Not a pay up front education (don't worry we'll pay you later if you get good grades). I get sick when I think of eating oatmeal (yeah oatmeal is literally a trigger for me now I used to love oatmeal). I explain that I once applied for the donation fund by part/ners for part/ners on the worst day of my life and when I got the reply email I was told that because I didn't have any utility bills, because my family was FUCKING HOMELESS. He went on to say that if I wanted more money that I should move up in the company. The three people I have watched try to move above a supervisor position have been led along with a carrot attached to a fucking string. One person finally got an ask position and the other even after 9 years is still stuck in the same place I am. I don't want to move up. I want to make a living wage. We discussed this. He asked me how much I thought I should be making. I lied and said 13 an hour. It should be 20. Customer service employees and ESPECIALLY FOOD SERVICE EMPLOYEES should get hazard pay. Forget the raise for managers and supervisors. I do my job. I used to do it better. I left behind two other jobs for this piece of shit company. I have taken shit raises. Pennies. God damned pennies as a raise. I work only closing shifts for three years. I have covered other stores for days to help them out. I have dealt with the shittiest of shitty employees and customers. I have taken panic attack after panic attack and have taken shit from every customer and every single person I have worked with. I like plenty of my team members but goddamn are they catty ass bitches. I take the shift no one else wants. I have taken nothing but shit from my manager who thinks that my dreams don't make money, because its art. He literally didn't care about anything I had to say. Just repeated that there is a cutoff for a reason. Which I fucking I understand. I'm not a goddamned idiot. Doesn't stop me from being fucking enraged. Well ill keep y'all updated when this posts. But its Tuesday and if not friday, I don't think ill have a job by Monday. It's been like an hour since I started this and I'm still crying and still breathing heavily and I hate everything. I fucking hate my job I fucking hate my life and I'm tired.

[fangirlingforbellarke]

The No Good, Very Bad Day

Prompt: “I’m on the verge of tears because of a rude customer and you step in and stand up for me” AU that no one asked for.

Or the one where Bellamy is getting yelled at by a customer, and Clarke is having none of it.

On AO3

There were some days Bellamy didn’t mind his job. He had some regulars that came in that were always good to him. There were always a couple of jerks sprinkled into his night, but Bellamy had been doing this long enough where he didn’t let it bother him. Besides, the fun tables usually always made up for the couple of douches he’d get.

He brought in an application after a couple weeks at college to help make some extra spending money. This place was usually busy during the dinner rush when he and his friends had gone, so he figured it’d be a great place to make a lot of tips. He only worked three nights a week to give himself plenty of time for studying. It was extremely part time.

He’d been telling himself for four years he needed to quit. But the tip money he made made every other part time job he could find not as appealing. He could make more in a few hours in just tips than some of his friends who were getting paid minimum wage for a 7 hour shift.

This job sucked his soul clean out of his body. The entitled, old customers complained the freshly made coffee wasn’t hot enough or that the food took too long to come out. Parents never tipped him to clean up after their messy toddlers that left a heaping pile of garbage on the floor that he couldn’t use a vacuum for since it was usually soggy food. The rowdy, drunk people came in and hit on him while he was at work and just being friendly because it was his job. People got mad when their expired coupons didn’t work, like it was his fault. Management was practically nonexistent and more often than not, they would schedule Bellamy on the days he wasn’t available.

There wasn’t a notebook big enough to fit all of Bellamy’s complaints. He told himself the money was worth it. He was saving up to move into a nice apartment on top of saving up money for his sister. Octavia was doing well in school and had joined several after school clubs and teams, which didn’t leave her a whole lot of time for studying anyway. A job was not going to help. Bellamy wanted her to have a normal high school life considering their childhood.

This is why he could put a smile on his face and go to work at a job he hated. It was worth it.

Today was not a good day for Bellamy. It started when he found out his bike was stolen out of his garage and since Octavia had the car, he had been forced to walk to class. It was only a few blocks to campus, but even so, he was late to class. After he apologized for being late, the professor didn’t seem to be that put off about his tardiness.

“Can I borrow your notes from what I’ve missed?” Bellamy whispered to the girl he usually sat next to.

She nodded, “I can stay behind after class. You didn’t miss very much.”

That was a relief. Bellamy turned back to the front of the class, taking out his notebook and a pen.

After gathering the notes from his classmate, Bellamy met up with his advisor to go over potential paid internships that would be most beneficial that could turn into full time, permanent jobs after the summer. They had found Bellamy’s perfect internship. It paid okay for an internship, wasn’t too far from where he lived, and it was in the Museum of Natural History where he would be giving lectures and helping out with miscellaneous things as needed. The hours were great. It was a dream come true.

If he got it.

Bellamy’s high was soon replaced with anxiety. There would be so many better qualified applicants than himself wanting the job. It’d be a miracle if he got it. He had decent grades, but there wasn’t a whole lot of experience on his resume to draw them in. His advisor gave him other potential opportunities that Bellamy also applied for, but his heart just wasn’t in it for the rest of them.

“Keep your head up,” his advisor told him with a smile, “You have a very good chance of getting accepted. You know I’ll give you a wonderful recommendation letter.”

Bellamy smiled appreciatively, wishing he felt as confident as his advisor apparently did. “That would be great.”

“We’ll probably find out in the next couple weeks. Let’s keep our fingers crossed.”

The library seemed as good a place as any to work on his thesis, but there were no open rooms. He managed to snag a table, but had to share with someone who had barely left any room for anyone else. Finding that the books he wanted were already checked out, Bellamy put in a request for them once they became available and worked on what he could without them. When he left for his next class, he hadn’t worked on much at all.

His last class got out much later than normal, causing Bellamy to be late for work. His boss, Malcolm, was having none of it, and told Bellamy if he had another tardy, he’d be let go. He’d been late one other time two years before when Octavia was sick and he had to run out for some medicine.

“Class ran longer than usual. It shouldn’t happen again,” Bellamy assured him.

“See that it doesn’t,” Malcolm nodded. “Oh, and I need you to come in at 11 tomorrow morning rather than at 4.” Malcolm, a small, plump man with an upturned nose and a frown perpetually frozen onto his face, turned back towards his computer, dismissing Bellamy.

Bellamy frowned, “Sir, that’s not in my availability. I have to work on my thesis, which is due at the end of the month.”

Without even glancing away from the computer, Malcolm replied, “I understand, but we all have responsibilities outside of work. When you took this job, you understood that you might have to help when we’re short staffed. There’s no one else we can ask.”

Bellamy swallowed a nasty retort and just nodded before he grabbed his apron off his boss’ desk and made his way back out to the front to clock in. He was not going to be getting much sleep this weekend, it seemed.

Determined not to let all the stress from his personal life affect his service that night, he put on his brightest smile and started his shift. Most of the night passed smoothly. His tables were all relatively polite and tipping well, and Bellamy was thankful something was going right that day.

But then table 5, a middle-aged couple, happened. They came in during the busiest part of the night. They started off easily enough. Bellamy brought them their drinks and put their food order in with the kitchen in perfect timing. The couple saw a booth closer to a TV they could still see from their current spot come open and just moved without saying anything. The table hadn’t even been cleaned off, yet. When Bellamy came back out from the back after running some food to other tables, he found his table deserted. It took him a minute to find them, upon which they complained about how long it took him to get over to them and requested he promptly clean the table.

Bellamy smiled and complied with their request with a forced smile. The table wasn’t in his section, but he would have to keep them. He grabbed a rag, cleaned off their table and assured them their food would be out shortly. He then went to find his manager to transfer tables. It took him awhile to find his manager outside smoking. After finally getting the table transferred, he went back out and saw the food was already delivered to their table.

Checking on the table, the couple said the food came out fine. Satisfied, Bellamy visited his other tables and made his rounds. By the time he got back to the trouble table, they were most of the way through their food.

“I’m sorry, but the food is too cold,” the woman told him with a shrug and a secret smile. There were about five bites of her chicken fried steak left.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Bellamy smiled apologetically. “Would you like me to take this into the back and have them reheat it for you?”

The woman shook her head. “No, that would take too long. We’ve waited long enough tonight, I think. We’ll just pay for our drinks and go.”

Surprised, Bellamy frowned, “I’m sorry, but you’ll need to pay for the food, too.” He wasn’t sure what she could be getting at.

“We are not paying for cold food, young man. You may think it’s okay to feed this to other people, but we don’t,” the woman told him frankly, as though there were no room for debate.

“Sorry, but if it was cold, why didn’t you say something at the beginning? I could have corrected the issue right away?” Bellamy knew he probably shouldn’t have said it, but he was having a bad day. He wasn’t about to let some sleazy people get away with not paying for food that was perfectly good.

“Excuse me? How dare you question me! The customer is always right. You do what we say. I’m sorry, but this service has been the worst I’ve ever experienced in my life. You’re slow, argumentative, and stupid. Not good qualities for a waiter,” the woman shook her head, exasperated. “I would like to speak with your manager.”

Bellamy was flabbergasted. Never had a customer ever talked to him like this before. Unwittingly, tears welled up in his eyes. Trying to blink them back, he kept telling himself he just had to get through a couple more hours and this horrible day would be over. Composing himself, he nodded and was about to turn to go get his manager to deal with this, when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation over here,” a blonde haired woman cut in catching Bellamy by surprise. She was shorter than Bellamy by about half a foot. She had the most vibrant blue eyes he'd ever seen, and she had a mole above her lip. Bellamy thought she was beautiful but couldn't for the life of him figure out what she was doing, She was looking compassionately between Bellamy and the couple. “But is this person bothering you?”

She were looking directly at Bellamy as she asked that, but the woman thought she was speaking to her, “Yes, he is! I’m sure you’ve heard the whole thing. This server-”

His savior turned on the older woman, “This server has been busting his ass off for you and your husband the entire night. You moved to a dirty table without consulting your server and then had the audacity to act put off when it didn’t have it clean within seconds,” the girl started ticking off on her fingers all the reasons. “You lied about the food so you’d get it for free, and then you have the audacity to degrade this server in front of the entire restaurant when he can’t defend himself for fear of losing his job and expect me to side with you? No thanks.”

Bellamy didn’t know what to say. He was so surprised by this girl sticking up for him. Glancing up, he noticed most of this side of the restaurant watching them. Some of his coworkers had even stopped to watch how the event would unfold.

He was trying to figure out how to smooth this whole thing over when the woman said, “How dare you talk to me this way! Who do you think you are?” Bellamy kept waiting for the woman’s husband to speak up, but he actually looked ashamed, refusing to meet their eyes.

The girl shrugged, “I’m the one who will pay your tab. Not to reward you but just so you both will leave.” She stepped to the side and gestured towards the front of the building. The couple gave the girl and Bellamy a dirty look but got up and headed towards the front, pulling her husband along behind her. “If they do end up talking to your boss, you can blame me,” the girl said, smiling at Bellamy. She reached into the back pocket of her jeans and took out a credit card. “Here, put their tab on my card.”

Bellamy shook his head, “You don’t have to do that.”

She shrugged like it was no big deal, like she hadn’t just saved him. “I know, but I want to, and I can afford it.”

Bellamy took the card, cashed out the table, and made his way back to where the girl was sitting. She was sitting with three other boys in one of his coworkers’ sections. They seemed a pretty diverse bunch, which made Bellamy like them all the more.

“Here’s your card back. Thanks again. You really didn’t have to do that,” he told her with a small smile. She didn’t need to do it, but he was certainly glad she had.

She smiled up at him as she accepted her card and the receipts from him. “It was my pleasure.” She turned to sign the receipt, “I’m Clarke, by the way.” Finished, she handed the receipt back to him. Bellamy shoved it into his apron without looking at it. “These are my friends: Wells, Jasper, and Monty.” She pointed at each one in turn.

All three of them gave Bellamy a little wave but remained silent.

Bellamy nodded at them. “Well, thanks again. I better get back to my other tables. I owe you.”

“Maybe you’ll return the favor someday,” Clarke replied.

Bellamy turned and made his rounds with his tables. A couple even apologized to him for the rude table's behavior towards him, which he appreciated.

Finally, the night was winding down. As he was entering in his credit card tips into the computer, he found the one that Clarke had signed for him. He couldn’t believe it. Her number was written at the top with a smiley face. And she had given him a bigger tip than what the couple owed. He couldn’t believe it, but he entered in the amount in the computer and saved her number into his phone.

After he turned everything in and was checked out with his manager, he made his way out the back. Standing at the curb five feet in front of him was Clarke. She was talking to one of the guys from her table, the one she had introduced as Wells.

Wells caught sight of Bellamy first and nodded his head towards him in greeting, which caused Clarke to turn around. She smiled at him as though he was who she had been waiting for this whole time. What he wouldn’t give to see more of that smile.

“What are you still doing here?” he asked. “Don’t tell me you’ve been waiting this entire time?”

She shrugged again. She did that a lot. “There are some cool shops around here. We window shopped for a bit, too.”

“Well, I’ll leave you both to it. Hope your night looks up for you, Bellamy,” Wells said before he turned and walked down the sidewalk, probably home.

“Do you live in the area?” Bellamy asked.

“I live on campus of Arkadia,” she told him, blowing his mind. This girl went to the same school he did. How had he never seen her before?

“I go to Arkadia, too. How have I never seen you around before. What’s your major?” Bellamy asked.

“I’m Pre-Med. You?” she replied. Ah, two totally different majors, two totally different sides of campus.

“History major,” he told her.

“Nerd.”

He grinned at that but didn’t argue.

“Would it be weird if I say I knew you went to Arkadia, too? Monty has a huge crush on Nathan Miller, who I know you’re good friends with. And Monty recognized you and told me you lived off campus around here somewhere. So, I was hoping to walk you back to your place?” Her cheeks turned pink and she looked down, embarrassed.

Bellamy appreciated her boldness. “Not the weirdest thing that's happened to me today. I could use some pleasant company after the day I’ve had.” He turned and started down the sidewalk at an amicable pace, Clarke falling into step beside him.

“I hope that table didn’t ruin your entire day,” Clarke finally said.

“I could say I’m used to stuff like that, but that just sounds sad. Besides, there was this kickass girl who stepped in for me. She seemed pretty cool,” he said, a smirk pulling at his lips.

“She sounds awesome. Wish I could be as cool as her.”

“Why’d you leave me your number if you were just going to wait around?” Bellamy asked finally.

“A combination of anxiety and excitement,” she laughed.

“Well, I’m glad you’re here.” Bellamy assured her.

The walk to Bellamy’s house was over much too quickly. In no time at all, they found themselves on Bellamy’s porch. There was light emanating from inside, so Bellamy knew Octavia must be home. Silence descended on them as they stood on the porch. Bellamy debated asking to come in or to offer to hang out later.

“Would you want to go out tomorrow night?” Clarke suddenly asked.

Bellamy winced. “I can’t tomorrow.”

Uncertainty clouded Clarke’s eyes, “Oh.” She looked away, back down his driveway.

“Not that I don’t want to hang out. I just work again. But I’m free the next night. If that works for you?” he suggested.

She looked back at him, her lips turning up into another smile. “It’s a date. Text me the details, okay?”

“I will,” he nodded.

“Good. I can’t wait,” with that, Clarke turned and headed back down his driveway. She cast one more glance his way before she turned and walked out of sight.

Bellamy stared after her unable to stop smiling. Not that he’d even want to if given the choice.

[thenightisland]

explanations/updates under the cut

i haven’t been able to maintain much in the way of interaction with most of the people i care about, also haven’t been able to do much more than get out of bed every day because it’s one thing to be depressed and another to have just had such a goddamn terrible few months that there’s no way your antidepressants can keep up with all the awful

i already had several weeks without my second in command because she’s cursed and had to have another surgery. our unit lost two of our main techs (for new people inexplicably reading this, i charge a locked acute psychiatric ward, and losing techs is a /massive/ loss). the admin demons have been instituting various new things that have been having terrible effects on the units which i won’t get into because that would be a really really long explanation with a lot of jargon in it. one of the things though is the fact that the “do not readmit” list has been low key thrown out the window, so all the pts who were on that list /with good fucking reason/ are of course, now coming back, and spoiler alert they’re just as terrible still.

this one bookstore closed which sounds stupid as fuck but that place was the closest thing i had to a church and it literally kept me alive when i was in high school like i say that completely without exaggeration so it closing was the equivalent of someone hacking off one of my limbs because it was still the main place i went to when i was upset and wanted to feel less miserable and i don’t have it anymore and you wouldn’t believe how hard it is like imagine if your church got demolished or whatever you believe in like it destroyed me and i feel unmoored i don’t have that safe space feeling now because it’s gone

meanwhile the person i spent seven years of my life in love with had a baby with the boyfriend she described as Guy Karen, named me godmother of their firstborn son, and unknowingly made his middle name the pen name i’ve used for a decade because fucking of course this might as well fucking happen too. but i have other romantic bullshit going on now that’s honestly fucking me up worse.

also somehow i still can’t escape a little life like it has haunted me every waking moment since march 2016 and i hate how much i am like the protagonist and it’s kind of fucking with me??????

a fucking garbage man bashed off the side mirror on my car which i still haven’t had the fucking time to get fixed that was great

spent my whole vacation anxious having panic attacks like what is the point in having a long vacation if you’re going to be constantly stressed over nothing like goddammit can’t i just have this

within the last month and a half five people i know have died. three of them were our patients which like doesn’t sound like a thing that would cause that much distress, but due to the nature of our unit, we’re the only family a lot of our career patients have most of our pts are homeless, schizophrenic, intellectually disabled, just plain unwanted people of varying illnesses, like we literally look after the people no one else wants so when we hear one of Our Patients has died it fucks us up so badly. and it’s even worse because it’s not like they died in their sleep or something all of them have been post-discharge suicides like our work already feels like a revolving door exercise in futility because that’s the nature of the field unfortunately but it still hurts like i spend forty hours or more a week with these people i literally see them than i see my friends and family our patients are mostly so close to us that like when the day shift charge nurse came back from maternity leave, pt who had been there when she was pregnant who were there again were asking about how the baby was doing so three of our pts killing themselves in the last month in a half is soul crushing

then the closest thing i had to a friend in nursing school, well, she died too. out of the fucking blue, out of nowhere. she was a 28 year old healthy woman with two young daughters. she worked so hard for her and her girls she went to nursing school to build a better life for them and she genuinely wanted to be a nurse meanwhile i originally got into it for the money like she only got to live her dream working in L&D for two and a half years. and then she was on vacation in florida with her girls who were doing like a cheerleading camp. and she just. went to sleep and never woke up. and i still don’t know what killed her no one has posted it on facebook, and unfortunately, all the people who might know are the people that i cut out of my life because the rest of our class was a toxic mess so i can’t very well be like heyyyyy so i know i deleted you years ago and all but what killed linda? so still no closure. i just hope to god her girls didn’t find their mother dead. like it wrecked me.

i also say that every time i come back from a vacation something awful happens like when i came back from boston/nyc i discovered i was the only nurse left on my shift and when i came back from st louis last fall my dog died a very traumatizing [for me] death, so when i came back from dc i was like hmm what next.

well, another fucking person died is what next. /one of my coworkers/ my alpha tech from my original 11-7 team one of the people who has literally saved my life and kept so many people from getting hurt this is someone i saw five days a week for the last two and a half years of my life. he was already going through a lot because him and his wife split, so he was staying at a friend’s house, a friend who happened to be an NP for one of the psych docs, and the NP’s sister who works as an internal medicine assistant. and then on cinco de mayo we got word that his car had flipped and killed him. and a lot of people attributed it to a classic cinco drunk driving fatality but it gets worse because of course it does because lol it wasn’t /his/ car that flipped. it was the NP’s sports car. and apparently, the NP was driving, and the sister was following. the sister and NP were off the grid for a couple days and then the sister came back to work, but the NP has been taken off the on call list “indefinitely” so not only is one of our team members dead, but he is probably dead from a /drunk driving vehicular homicide done by another team member/ because apparently the world was like fuck our unit specifically.

then i got to spend several days being targeted by a pt who was a behavioral case [aka they’re not actually mentally ill, they’ve learned to play the system to avoid going to jail, basically] and that involved her being in seclusion for seven goddamn hours and her literally endlessly threatening to kill me for days to the point that i was confined to our walled in nurses station because she was you know trying to kill me and just constantly standing on the other side of the glass throwing around some of the worst verbal abuse i’ve ever experienced like i’m already exhausted and fatigued and miserable can’t you shut the fuck up i need to find some kind of meaning in my job because it’s all i have and you’re making it very hard for me to feel like i’ve done any good for anyone

all of this built up nicely into a good old fashioned nervous breakdown to the point that i had to call in sick because lol turns out that that is a lot of fucking shit to deal with in the span of a month and a half and emotionally things are only going to get harder from here this year for a variety of personal reasons that suffice to say have literally kept me up at night and upset me enough that i even had some nightmares break through the medication because i’m seeing so many of my friends find their happiness and i hate that i can’t feel that happy for them because i’m so tired and when the fuck will it be my turn i don’t want to resent my friends’ happiness and successes i’m just fucking exhausted and would really like for some good goddamn things to start happening here any time now i’ve been under so much stress i’m just a human version of the song running on empty at this point it’s all too much and i still can’t write i’m still stuck in the same hell from a manuscript i wrote nearly four years ago all i’ve been able to write is Coping Poetry to keep from going off the deep end and honestly everything in my life just feels completely out of control and i’m just tired of so many bad things happening in such a short amount of time like i can handle my own emotional problems until you dump all this other fucking nightmare fuel on top of them then it’s too much

so for the unfinished ao3 wip i’m sorry for the sheet music requests i’m sorry for the unanswered messages i’m sorry i’m safe i’m not in any danger of hurting myself or anything but i’m overwhelmed and i barely have the energy to get through all the shit that’s been happening lately so i can’t even promise when my interactions with anyone will be back to normal especially given my already awful skill at withdrawing from the people who care about me because i don’t want to bring them down any so just. tolerate the queue’s work. if you see me posting more but not answering you it’s not you it’s me i just cannot manage even talking to more than like three people max right now hence the until further notice psa you’ve seen at the top of my blog

the worst part is that there’s actually /more/ but it’s also three in the morning and i have to work tomorrow so here’s the highlights turns out averaging one death a week takes a toll on a person who’s already isolated and exhausted

hopefully at some point, things won’t suck as much and i can go back to being regular me. till then, apologies, and enjoy the queue

[iwantasecretgarden]

Taggetytagtag

DoBrought up by the freaking awesome and strong @nachodiablo

Rules: Answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions.

1. Coke or Pepsi: Diet Coke in a glass of ice or a can or a bottle or a fountain or anywhere, always. “Is Pepsi okay?” is probably the worst sentence in all of human history.

2. Disney or Dreamworks: Disney Renaissance (90s kid)

3. Coffee or tea: Coffee. I want to like tea, but it’s leaf water. And drinking it tastes like hot leaves. I try and I try and yet still...clogged pool filter in a cup.

4. Books or movies: Books. Books, I’ve never seen so many books in all my life. Best weapons in the world. But seriously in 2016 I read 42 books - didn’t quite get to my 52 I had hoped for as my upper goal, but far surpassed the 25 I had planned.

5. Windows or mac: Mac since birth. Born with my dad getting me a tiny apple jumper as he used the old timey rainbows apple with the startup OS face.

6. DC or Marvel: Marvel characters are deeper and more interesting, especially because I WANT to like Wonder Woman but every single writer just changes her backstory and nothing is consistent and I hate that. X-Men are my favorite because it’s embracing difference in an exclusive, bigoted world.

7. X-box or Playstation: I wasn’t allowed to play video games because my parents thought they would make me violent so now I’m WOEFULLY AWFUL at them. But does Wii Lego games count? Because I really like Wii Lego Harry Potter. I know. I know. But it’s actually adorable. I also play Wii Lego LOTR and Batman and Star Wars (but SW one sucks).

8. Dragon age or Mass effect: Er...what. 

9. Night owl or early riser: I do better working at night because I like to have an hour or so to wake up. So if I leave at 9 I get up at 6:30 so I can drink coffee and blink awake and watch a tv show before doing chores and getting ready.

10. Cards or chess: Cards - more for the memories that accompany them and because I’m hellishly impatient for Chess.

11. Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla not because I’m vanilla but because chocolate can either be overwhelming or when in ice cream doesn’t taste like chocolate? Like why? It tastes like mystery brown flavor and I’m not into that.

12. Vans or converse: Converse for life. Black. With doodles on the white parts. Quotes and drawings. Being a cool kid way past the age I could pull it off (since I never could). I also have a blue pair that I drew the TARDIS on during the DW fanvolution but now don’t wear because they don’t match.

13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar: I feel dumb. I don’t know what these are. 

14. Fluff or angst: Angsty fluff. Like when the angst drenches your soul and in the darkest moment someone says the right thing that no one in real life has ever said to you and it’s like a sweet sweet salve. 

15. Beach or forest: Forest. I hate sand. I’m stupid annakin. And deep in my heart of hearts I’m still the wolf girl I was at 13 where I wore braces and boys jeans and tie dyed wolf t-shirts and braids in my hair with a bunch of friendship bracelets and wanted to be a psychic dragon rider or be raised by sentient wolves. So in the end...it’d be untrue to my nature (and to my secret shame wolf patronus) to not say forest where I used to dream of running away and finding my true pack.

16. Dogs or cats: I have two greyhounds (Fred & George), and a cat - Gandalf. That way I can introduce the bunch as Gandalf (and) the Greyhounds. Yeah. I’m serious. PM me for picture proof or check out insta @greyhoundgeorge

17. Clear skies or rain: Rain when I have nowhere to BE. If I can stay home and eat hot popcorn and drink cold water and snuggle on a couch under the blankets and put on an old movie or quiet film scores and pick up a book I want to read all in one go. That’s a little corner of heaven right there. But clear skies if I am going out to do something - if I’m doing something stressful and knowing I can go outside after to let the sun drench into the skin of my face and smile and take a breath and get a cold diet coke and congratulate myself on being brave and finishing out.

18. Cooking or eating out: Depends. Depends on how lazy I am and how broke I am and how hungry I am. I like cooking when I’m really hungry because then I can personalize everything to my own tastes and having leftovers I know will be yummy later. When I eat out/order take out I’m eating it all. Don’t be foolish.

19. Spicy food or mild food: Spicy food. Make my nose rain. I once drank a bowl of salsa in a Mexican restaurant. Like in Beauty & the Beast. Bowl to my mouth. Drank it down. My sisters hissed at me to stop. It was so good. So I drank theirs too.

20. Halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas: Solstice, Yule, ***Christmas*** I am so into Christmas. I’m the dumbass that starts listening to carols too early in November. I’m wearing sweaters and sweating. I’m getting my peppermint hot chocolate. I’m the one viciously stalking that Christmas feeling that seems to get farther and farther away the older you get. Because I want it to last forever. I want to make sure my little sisters never lose it.

21. Would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: Too cold. I’m already hot all the time. It’s hell. And I sweat through my clothes and that’s embarrassing and uncomfortable. At least when I’m cold people feel pity for you. When you’re hot all the time everyone looks at you like a freak.

22. If you could have a superpower, what would it be: Hallucination/Projection. I’d be called “Storyteller” or “Story” and if I wanted you to think you were on a beach in Aruba, you would really see and feel it. I would be able to travel for free, protect myself through a veneer, and never have to harm anyone. And I could taste all food however I wanted even if it was just celery. I could look how I want to look, dress how I want to dress, make my world the reality I want.

23. Animation or live action: Live action. I think the nuances of character actors and their expressions bring something to a film that evokes a sympathetic response in the brain that cannot (currently) be copied in animation.

24. Paragon or renegade: Again. I’m a silly person who has no idea what this is.

25. Baths or showers: SHOWERS. Hot showers. Baths - like tea - are just stewing in dirt. In your own dirt. In a tub where you get to look at your knees and rest your wet head against the hard tile. Ew.

26. Team cap or team ironman: Captain America forever. Stucky and Steggy forever.

27. Fantasy or sci-fi: Fantasy at my heart of hearts. It appeals to my wolfgirl nature. But I’m an equal opportunist and love Sci Fi. Just watch out for those weird 1950s fantasy/sci fi crossovers about colonizing planets cuz those get WEIRD.

28. Do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so what are they:

"Do small things with great love.” - Mother Teresa

“Courage, dearheart.” - C.S. Lewis

“Don’t worry. Don’t worry.  Look up at the ceiling and breathe with those curiously fragile lungs and remind yourself don’t worry. All as it was meant to be. It was meant to be lonely, and terrifying, and unfair, and fleeting. Don’t worry.” - Welcome to Nightvale

29. Youtube or netflix: Netflix or Amazon Video yo

30. Harry Potter or Percy Jackson: Yeahhhh see I was too old when PJ came out. My youngest sister was reading it and even she thought it was under her age level. So HARRY POTTER FOREVER FOOLS. I mean, I cannot stress how much our family loves HP. We had a year when my youngest sister turned 11 she had a welcome to Hogwarts party in March, my family surprised me with a Horcrux Hunt 17th birthday Coming of Age in April, and my other sister turned 14 and got a Triwizard Cup party in May. My Mom listens to HP on Audible every night before bed. She can literally quote the first book word for word. We went to HP Wizarding World in FL before it opened on special passes when I was 19. If my mother wouldn’t murder us, our entire family would have matching HP tattoos. I write Marauders book fanfiction for my entire family to read and critique. We have sorted ourselves and own everything in our respective houses (a split R/G family). It’s our dream to go to Leaky Con together. We all have complete uniforms. Not just the robes. All of it. We know all the spells, have played all the dumb computer 2001 games and Wii games and Pottermore before it was lame and basically omg. HP FOR LIFE. (or LOTR). 

31. When you feel accomplished: When someone acknowledges I saw the problem and solution immediately but everyone else tried a bunch of things first and eventually realized I was right. #INTJ

32. Star Wars or Star Trek: I am very into both, and both my sisters have hard core taken a position on each camp. But if I had to choose, I would say Star Trek because of the massive cultural shift it caused, especially in featuring multi-racial characters and women in positions of science and power.

33. Paperback books or hardback books: Paperback if I’m reading it the first time and Idk if i’ll like it but then I want hardback (leatherbound tbh) of everything I’ve ever loved and read for my library I want to own like in B&B. 

34. Horror or rom-com: Ughhhhhhhh both suck. But I only like cerebral horror (like Sixth Sense) or intellectual horror (like Hannibal) because physical horror (torture), gross horror (teeth losing and pus), jump horror (basic) really aren’t interesting to me so I GUESS I’ll say rom-com.

35. TV shows or movies: TV shows streaming so I can binge them. Yep.

36. Favorite animal: Tigers! I’m so into tigers and know so much about them. The ONLY tiger fact I’ll bore you with right now is that lion roars are much shallower due to being lighter weight with less lung capacity so for the Lion King whenever the lions roar, it’s actually tiger roars to sound more macho.

37. Favorite genre of music: Alt rock or indie - coldplay, mumford, snow patrol, frank turner, damien rice, the wonder years, etc. 

38. Least favorite book: I know people are really into it now, but when I read it A Separate Peace sucked balls and everyone agreed. Also I once read this terribly written horror book Neverwhere. Actually I’ve read several such poorly written books that it honestly gives me hope that I can be an author if these dingbats can.

39. Favourite season: Winter before Christmas

40. Song that’s currently stuck in your head:  Help by the Beatles

41. What kind of pyjama’s do you wear: Old t shirt (usually huge) and pj pants or shorts

42. How many existential crisis do you have on an average day: Lol so many. Depends on the day. More like “my life is confusing and I have no idea what’s happening and everything is a chain reaction that hasn’t begun and I’m holding my breath praying for a fallout that’s marginally okay.”

43. If you can only choose one song to be played at your funeral, what would it be: “Penny Lane,” by the Beatles

44. Favourite theme song to a TV show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer or (honestly) Magic School Bus or Jimmy Neutron

45. Harry Potter movies or books: Books, where the inaccuracies aren’t too many to count

46. Favorite traditional food from your family: Tamales

47. Favorite decade from 1900-now: 1990s. But only 90s kids remember the 90s.

48. Worst habit? Thinking I can do it all.

49. Teach an old person to use the internet or stay for a week with a kid stuck in the “why” phase?: Kids. I love kids. Why phases are great. Sometimes I never outgrew mine, and adults always brush them off without actually taking time to explain why satisfactorily.  50. Who’s your favorite painter?: Claude Monet. 

51. Favourite flower?: Roses (trite) or bluebonnets. 

52. Boots or sneakers?: Sneakers now - boots in fall.

53. Abroad or at home?: Home if I could magically go back in time when “home” was everything I wanted and not a place to visit my mom in my old room with no clothes or friends.

54. Planning or spontaneity? Planning! But occasional spontaneity. 

55. Boxers or briefs? Boxers so that I can wear them as pajama shorts.

56. Hogwarts house? Better be...Gryffindor! 

I’m not tagging 56 people, so if you’d like to do this, tag me so I can read them! If you don’t want to, then just enjoy learning more about me. If it’s more than you wanted to know (and it probably is) feel free to ignore.

[k-popscenxrios]

Didn’t Ask For This Pt 12 (Roomate!JK x OC)

A/N: Sorry for the longer period between updates! I had to rewrite a good portion of the next few chapters since I felt it was taking a stupid turn. I’ve fixed it to make it better, so don’t worry! It’ll be worth your time, I promise. Enjoy~

Summary: “I didn’t know you hated me so much,” he spoke as he grabbed my wrist and once again turned me around to face him, “and quite honestly, I don’t think I’ve done anything horrible enough for you to hate me to the degree that you do.” “You say that like the hate isn’t mutual,” I remarked as he shook his head. There was a bitter smile on his face as he took a deep breath, “I think you are quite honestly one of the worst human beings I’ve had to come in contact with.”

4.5k words | drama ✞ | fluff ♡

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | Finale

⇨ Masterlist ⇦

I felt like I was dying when I opened my eyes, rolling around in bed. I was completely and utterly miserable, and I could feel the heat radiating off of my body. I laid in bed, the chills rushing through my body every time I so much as felt any air against my skin that was supposed to be protected by my comforter.

I laid in bed, feeling miserable for about an hour before I finally willed myself to get up. I slipped a sweatshirt and sweatpants on to keep me from freezing as I pushed my bedroom door open.

I hurried into the bathroom to get ready before either of the guys saw me. I was in and out as fast as possible, and to my dismay, Taehyung was waiting outside the door to talk to me.

“Jesus, Tae,” I spoke, his appearance scaring me breathless. Then again, even the simple act of brushing my teeth made me breathless.

“Hey,” he spoke, his eyebrows furrowed in worry, “Why on earth are you wearing sweats? It’s like 74 degrees in this apartment.”

I felt my hands start shaking, and I wasn’t sure if it was from the fact that Taehyung scared me or not, “I don’t know. My room is fairly cold I guess.”

Taehyung wasn’t convinced as his eyes started to narrow. He pushed his body off of the wall and pressed his hand to my forehead. I silently cursed as Taehyung’s eyes widened, his hand pulling away after realizing just how hot my forehead was.

“God, I don’t know whether to be mad at you or worried about you,” Taehyung mumbled as he rushed to the kitchen to grab the materials that he needed, “I need you to get out of those sweats and into your tank top and shorts. Now.”

I obeyed him as I noticed Taehyung’s scolding has caught Jungkook’s attention. He walked out of his room and looked in between the two of us with confusion.

“What’s going on?” he asked, concern evident as I noticed Taehyung grow tense. I caught sight of his gaze as my eyes widened. I hurried to close my door so that I could change, leaving Jungkook to fend for himself. I felt myself sigh with relief, more than relieved that I remembered to cover the hickeys this morning.

“Okay, I don’t feel like I should question a sick girl, but I won’t feel guilty for scolding you,” I heard Taehyung say as I rushed to change. I stumbled all around, losing my balance several times, landing on the bed behind me to cushion my falls.

I felt my body become uncomfortably cold as I grabbed one of my blankets off my bed.

“Why the hell does my sister have a fever the day after you had one?” Taehyung snapped as I felt paranoia grow within me.

“It’s probably that she got too close to me when taking care of me, man. I don’t know,” Jungkook played if off well as I wrapped the blanket tighter around me. Should I go out there? I probably should, otherwise he might sense something was up…

I opened the door and spotted Taehyung’s glare very quickly. His gaze softened as he looked over at me, seeing me and my pathetic stature.

“Taehyung, don’t yell at Jungkook,” I spoke with a weak voice that I noticed didn’t just make Taehyung melt, but Jungkook as well. The two of them gave me the same look of worry as Jungkook started to guide me into the living room.

“You need to lay down. Taehyung’s getting you some medicine,” Jungkook spoke softly. I couldn’t help but sense Taehyung’s confusion at Jungkook’s actions, but he didn’t voice anything. I just nodded pitifully as I slowly lowered myself to the couch, wincing at my body’s aching.

Jungkook knelt down next to me as Taehyung entered the living room with the medicine I needed to take. He walked up to the two of us and handed me the cup that he had poured the medicine into.

“What flavor is this?” I asked as Taehyung shrugged and shook his head.

“Does it matter? You’re the one that bought it in the first place. Shouldn’t you know?” he asked as I frowned, glancing down at the cup.

“I can’t remember…”

Taehyung swallowed and looked at Jungkook who was still down beside be with concern burned into his features. He was not doing a good job hiding his sudden affection for me.

“Alright, Kook. I’ll take care of her from here,” Taehyung spoke as Jungkook looked up at him. I could sense hesitation in him, but something seemed to click as he was about to get up.

“Doesn’t it make more sense for me to take care of her?” Jungkook asked as Taehyung’s expression morphed into complete shock, “I mean, I was the one that got her sick. And I wouldn’t want for her to get you sick.”

“Yeah, Jungkook has a point,” I nodded, feeling butterflies in my stomach at the prospect of Jungkook taking care of me for the rest of the day. Or, at least until he has to go in to work. Speaking of work, I need to call out sick for my shift.

Taehyung looked really reluctant to nod and give in to the two of us. I didn’t blame him for his paranoia, but I was relieved that he didn’t fight us too hard.

“So you actually want to take care of her?” Taehyung asked Jungkook as he took a couple steps backwards. Jungkook looked back down at me, the smallest smile showing in his features. He looked back up at Taehyung, smile turning into a serious gaze.

“It’s the least I could do. I caused this, after all,” his voice made it sound like he was only doing this out of obligation, but the look in his eyes told me another story.

“Alright. I give in,” Taehyung lifted his hands into the air before he turned on his heels, walking away from us down the hallway. “Don’t kill each other.”

That was the furthest of my concern at the moment.

…

“Jungkook,” I called from the living room as I heard Jungkook shuffling in the kitchen. He’d been gone for a good forty minutes just in the shower, and I was getting really shaky. I thought about bothering Taehyung, but I couldn’t get over how much I loved seeing Jungkook go soft for me.

“Hm?” He responded as he peaked his head into the living room to lock his eyes on mine.

My first instinct was to say something sappy to him, but I closed my mouth before I did. It wasn’t that I cared about Taehyung hearing me, but I just didn’t want to seem as pitiful as I felt.

“You were gone for nearly an hour,” I simply observed as he raised an eyebrow. His expression softened the longer he looked at me, but when I heard footsteps coming down the hall, his expression shifted.

“I’m not your butler,” Jungkook sassed as he spun around and walked back into the kitchen, “Only call me if you need me. If you get lonely, I’m sure Taehyung would love to give you company.”

I pursed my lips at his comments, but I didn’t take them personally. As Taehyung walked into the kitchen, I just pouted his way.

“How are you feeling?” He asked as I shifted my position from laying down to sitting up.

“Like I’m sitting in the middle of a snowstorm taking place on the sun’s surface,” I responded as he let out a soft chuckle.

“Do you want to watch a few episodes of our show?” Taehyung asks as he plopped down on the loveseat.

I smiled at him before my eyes glanced over at Jungkook’s figure. He walked back in from the kitchen with a sandwich in hand as I suddenly had a slightly devious idea pop into my head.

“You didn’t make me a sandwich?” I let out the softest, most pathetic pout I could manage as Taehyung glanced back at Jungkook. He froze mid-chew as he looked at me, studying me carefully.

“You didn’t mention that you wanted one.” he defended with a neutral tone. He finished chewing and swallowed the bite he had taken as I leaned my head back.

“You didn’t offer to make me one,” I countered as Taehyung looked away from the TV and drew his attention to the two of us.

“As I mentioned before, I’m not your butler,” he rolled his eyes as I huffed.

“I can make you one,” Taehyung interfered as I glanced his way. I was about to just nod, because quite honestly, I don’t care who makes me a sandwich as long as I have food in my stomach.

“No, I’ll get it.”

Both Taehyung and I looked Jungkook’s way in surprise as he dipped out of the room, entering the kitchen with his sandwich abandoned on the dining table.

…

Taehyung and I had just gotten through with a few episodes of our favorite show when his phone started blowing up in his pocket. His eyebrows raised when he looked at the name on the screen.

“Hello? Hana?”

I felt my interest peak as I sat up, pulling my blanket around me to ensure that I would stay warm.

“Right now? I mean I… I might have time. My sister’s sick and I hate to leave her here. I already have to leave for work later tonight.”

I frowned and snapped at Taehyung, grabbing his attention, “Tae, I’ll be okay without you. If Hana wants you to do something with her, please go.”

His eyebrows knit in worry as I just continued to nod in reassurance.

“I’ll force Jungkook to take care of me until he leaves. I don’t want to ruin a potential date for you two.”

Taehyung sighed and stared at me blankly for several seconds before looking up at the clock above our TV.

“...Alright. I can go,” he spoke into his phone as I smiled. I felt my smile grow as Taehyung’s face softened while listening to Hana. The softest little smile appeared as he stayed silent while she rambled on.

“Okay. I’ll meet you there in twenty minutes.”

The call soon ended as Taehyung looked over at me with an almost sorry gaze.

“I hate to leave…”

“No,” I cut him off before he could say much else, “I told you it was okay. Don’t you try and apologize to me.”

Taehyung just let out a soft laugh as he stood up and walked over to me. My face twisted in annoyance as he ruffled the hair on my head. I let out a few whines as he did so, reaching up to fix the mess that he had just made.

“Thanks, Ari. You’re the best.”

...

The day was flying by up until it was time for Jungkook to leave for work. My fever was almost completely gone, and I could actually move around without feeling every bone in my body aching.

“Call me if you start to feel bad again,” Jungkook spoke as I just nodded obediently.

“I’ll be fine, Jungkook,” I reassured as he knelt down beside me with a slightly worried look. I was about to open my mouth to reassure him once again, but he spoke before I did.

“If you hear from Hoseok, try to let him down easy,” Jungkook swallowed as I felt my face morph into surprise. Hoseok hadn’t come up all day, yet he still ended up on Jungkook’s mind?

“I’m going to need more time than that, Jungkook,” I spoke calmly, thinking back to the sweet man that had taken me on a fantastic date yesterday, “I would feel so horrible if I let him down right after how much fun we both had yesterday.”

Jungkook couldn’t believe what was coming out of my mouth. His reaction was all that I needed to see to know that we were about to argue again. Well, the peace was fun while it lasted.

“You wanna know what you actually did after going on such a “great” date with him? You slept with me. We’re, you know, dating each other now. You’re my girlfriend, and that means you can’t go on anymore dates with Hoseok,” Jungkook rambled in anger. I tried to keep calm as I felt myself shaking yet again. To say that I was stressed was an understatement.

“I’m not saying that I’m going to go on another date with him! If he asks to go on another date with me, I’ll just use that “date” as a way to let him down easy. After all, I already feel like a scumbag for reassuring him that there’s nothing going on between me and you, only to turn around and reject him because we’re together.”

“I don’t see why his feelings should matter,” Jungkook glared, his voice slightly raising, “You’re never going to talk to him after you tell him that you’re dating me.”

“How do you know that?” I sat up, fumbling slightly because of how weak some of my muscles felt, “What if I want to stay friends after this? He seems like a really cool guy-”

“Hell no,” Jungkook laughed and shook his head, “You can’t stay friends with a guy who’s obviously into you!”

I narrowed my eyes at his words, feeling my emotions trying to get the best of me. I tried to keep my voice calm, but he was making it incredibly hard… “Jungkook… you knew this whole time that he actually was interested in me? You said so many things about how he’d never be into me, yet you knew that he already was!”

“Why does that come as a surprise to you?” he snapped, his glare slightly faltering when he realized how hurt I really seemed, “I didn’t want you to try and pursue a relationship because I know Hoseok really liked you. I also knew that Yoongi didn’t have an interest in you this whole time.”

I felt my blood boiling both from the fever and from just how infuriated I was. He was trying to sabotage my love life…

Tears that I didn’t even realize were building up began to fall as I started to wave Jungkook away from me. I didn’t want to see him anymore. I needed time to calm down over all of this.

And I sure as hell am going on another date with Hoseok after learning all of this information.

“Go away, Jungkook,” I spoke, his harsh exterior crumbling as my voice shook. He started to move closer to me, but I used all the strength in me to push him away, “Don’t touch me. I need you to leave me alone.”

Jungkook swallowed and watched me with worried eyes. I wrapped my arms around my legs in a fetal position as I used my knees to wipe my tears away. I heard Jungkook reluctantly shuffle away from me, and I felt a stab to my heart when the apartment door closed without him saying another word.

I hated how much this situation was getting to me. It shouldn’t matter than Jungkook was sabotaging my potential relationship with Hoseok because we both ended up confessing to each other… but if he’s willing to do something like that, it makes me worry about what else he might try to manipulate...

::

My night was agonizing to say the least. There wasn’t a moment that went by where I wasn’t thinking about Jungkook and our argument. I was so upset with him, but I hated how horrible I felt over it all. I just wanted to pull out my phone and call Jungkook to try and work it all out.

My fever was fighting me back as I could feel my body growing really weak once again. I cursed as I tried to move around the apartment to take some more medicine, struggling with the child proof lid. I hate these stupid lids!

I mumbled a few swears before I finally got the bottle open to take the stupid medication. I swallowed the substance as fast as I could manage, struggling to put the bottle back away.

I finally finished struggling when I realized my phone was buzzing from the living room. I shuffled into the living room to look at my phone, surprised to see that Hoseok’s name was on my screen.

I reluctantly answered the call, putting my phone on speaker as I slowly settled back in to the couch.

“Hello?” I asked as I heard various noises from his end.

“Ari! Sorry if this seems weird, but Taehyung told me that you were sick and home alone. I just wanted to check and make sure that you’re okay.” he sounded nervous as I felt my guilt eating me alive. How could I turn down this guy? This was going to suck…

“I’m completely fine!” I tried to sound genuine and I was pretty convincing. I could hear him sigh on his end as I swallowed, trying to push away all the thoughts of Jungkook and I’s conversation out of my head. “Hey, Hoseok. I was wondering if you would like to come over soon. I just really need to talk to you about something.”

“Oh,” Hoseok sounded surprised, but it wasn’t a bad surprised, “Of course. When were you thinking? ‘Cause I could even stop by tonight, tomorrow, or later this week if you were thinking further down.”

I felt my heart squeeze as I grabbed my phone and started pulling up a picture of my schedule, “Well it really needs to be a time when neither Taehyung or Jungkook are home…”

I felt the words coming out of my mouth like word vomit as I felt my body freeze. I could only hope that Hoseok didn’t think anything of my words, but I could only assume that he’d hit his limit with my slip ups.

“I don’t mean to pry…” It sounded like Hoseok had moved into a different room because all the noise that I heard before was now missing, “But Jungkook seems to be over there a whole lot… Taehyung almost makes it sound like he lives there.”

I just tried to laugh it off, which quickly turned into nervous laughter, “He’s just over here all the time. He and Taehyung are college roommates, you know.”

“I know… It just seems like he literally lives there. I just think it’s kinda strange that you and Taehyung would lie to me about something like that.” Hoseok sounded calm, but I felt frantic. Do I continue to lie or do I give in?

I didn’t think too hard before I swallowed and continued denying everything. I am horrible, really.

“No, he doesn’t live here. He does stay the night sometimes, though,” I felt my guilt weighing down on me as Hoseok just laughed off the words.

“Alright. You don’t have any reason to lie about something like this, so I’ll let it go. Back to when you want me to come over to talk, though.”

Shoot, I almost forgot that I said that, I shook my head as I tried to get back on track.

“Do you get off before Taehyung tonight?” I asked as Hoseok sighed.

“Afraid not. What about tomorrow?”

I looked at Jungkook’s schedule for tomorrow. Off.

“That won’t work,” I shook my head as if he could see me. I looked at Jungkook’s schedule for Wednesday, “Does Taehyung work the morning shift on Wednesday?”

“Yeah,” Hoseok responded, “But so do I. Would this work out better if we met somewhere in public?”

I looked up in thought for a couple seconds before an idea popped into my head, “You could come talk to me at work tomorrow! ...That is, if I’m better tomorrow. I work the night shift.”

Hoseok seemed pleased with that proposal, “I work a mid, so I guess I could drop by on my way home. Sound good to you?”

“Sounds awesome,” I smiled as I sat up, “I’ll be in contact with you about tomorrow. If I don’t go in tomorrow, maybe I can convince Jungkook to cover for me to ensure that he won’t be here.”

The air was silent for several seconds before my mind clicked. Good God am I horrible at this! I just keep thinking out loud.

“He comes over even when Taehyung’s not there?” I could sense the tension in his voice in that statement as I felt panic fill my shaky being. “Ari, seriously.”

“Okay,” I sighed and closed my eyes, “Okay, I’m sorry. Jungkook lives here. Taehyung didn’t want me to tell you, but that was the only reason I was lying about it. I’m sorry.”

Even in my honesty I was still lying.

“I’m not mad,” Hoseok spoke, but his voice was not nearly as bright as before. He sounded a whole lot more tense than I’d ever heard him. “I’m glad you told me. I wonder why Taehyung didn’t want me to know?” “No idea,” I answered fairly quickly as I ran a finger through my hair, grabbing at the roots in frustration. This phone call was a disaster.

“I guess I should let you go,” I could tell that he could hear my stressed out tone, but he didn’t voice his observation, “I’m going to try and sleep this fever away.”

“Alright,” Hoseok’s voice was back to being soft as he let out a soft laugh, “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah,” I let a small smile appear on my face as I took a deep breath, “Bye, Hoseok.”

“Bye, Ari.”

…

I woke up to the sound of the front door opening as I slowly opened my eyes and spotted a blurry figure walking into the apartment. I assumed it was Taehyung since he was supposed to come home before Jungkook.

I closed my eyes again to try and fall back asleep, but I jumped when I felt a pair of lips against my forehead. I was about to smack Taehyung away from me for it, but I jumped awake when I felt a familiar hand holding mine.

“Hey, babe,” Jungkook’s figure was blurry to my eyes as I looked at him with confusion. He titled his head to the side as I felt my hand grab on to his. I missed him… “I got to come home early. I asked them to send me home if it was slow so that I could be with you. I know I left with us both in bad moods, but I can’t stay mad at you…”

I didn’t say anything as I let my eyes close again. I was just content with his presence next to me as I rested. I felt his hand nearly pull out of mine, but as I opened my eyes to watch what he was doing, I realized he was just moving to sit down in front of the couch.

“What turned you into such a mushy boyfriend?” I asked with tired eyes as Jungkook just smiled and let out a small laugh.

“I might be an ass, but I take my relationships seriously.”

I felt a shiver run through my body at his words. The more that we talk about how we’re in a relationship, the harder it is to believe. I actually fell in love with Jeon Jungkook, and he’s not all that bad…

“I’m sorry for all that I said to you about Jennie,” I spoke, the words seemingly coming out of left field. The thought had been lingering in the back of my mind since our fight, and I wasn’t intending to voice it. The words just slipped out as I felt myself slip in and out of consciousness, “It’s her loss and my gain for breaking up with you.”

Jungkook softly chuckled and laid his face dangerously close to mine. I felt his breath on my lips, but he didn’t press a kiss to my lips. I would have been mad if he did since I still wasn’t completely over my fever.

“I’m sorry about everything with Yoongi and Hoseok. At the time I thought that I was doing it because I couldn’t stand you… but after I saw you hugging Yoongi’s arm the other night on our way out to our cars… I realized that I wanted you to be leaning against me.”

I smiled and pulled his hand up to my mouth for me to give a soft kiss, “I like this Jungkook. I really like how honest and open you are with me. Even if you can be a tad harsh with your honesty.”

Jungkook didn’t say anything to that as I swallowed and opened my eyes to look at him. I nearly jumped when I saw how close his face was to mine, but the surprise quickly turned into a smile. He had closed his eyes…

“You can’t sleep here,” I spoke softly, shaking him so that he opened his eyes, “I would love for you to stay right here with me, but Taehyung will most certainly walk in on the two of us. He comes home any minute now, right?”

Jungkook groaned as his face twisted in annoyance, “Why does Taehyung have to be so defensive over you? I don’t like being restricted from touching you. And it’s not like I can tease you like before.”

“Sorry?” I asked quickly after he paused, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jungkook stood up and plopped down on the love seat that was catty cornered from me. I was afraid that he was going to just ignore what I had said to him, but he wasn’t going to leave me wondering.

“Before I realized that I liked you, I knew I really liked teasing you. Seeing you confused and flustered under me was so… satisfying.”

“But why can’t you tease me like before?” I asked as Jungkook just laughed through his nose.

“Because I was using it as an excuse to be close to you. I don’t need an excuse now.”

I felt my face burn at his words, but I didn’t push the conversation much further. I was embarrassed enough with what he had already said.

“Jerk,” I commented as he just chuckled, glancing back at me from the couch he was on. I closed my eyes yet again, feeling my exhaustion hitting me. “Oh, Kookie?” I had no idea where the nickname came from, probably my half-conscious brain trying to keep me awake, but neither of us commented it.

“Hm?” “If I’m not feeling good again tomorrow, would you mind taking my shift?”

It was silent for a couple seconds as I felt worry fill my mind. I shouldn’t have assumed that he would be willing to take my hours.

“You don’t want me here taking care of you?” he actually sounded hurt as I opened my eyes, meeting his sad ones almost immediately.

“I don’t mean it like that,” I reached out toward him, but quickly dropped my hand as I realized how heavy my arm felt right now. “If no one else will take it, could you?”

“Of course,” Jungkook nodded and looked away from me, “But only if no one else can.”

I couldn’t help but smile as his words, nodding to myself, “Okay, Kook.”

::

A/N: Is it bad that my own portrayal of Jungkook has me so soft? x3

⇨ Masterlist ⇦

[douchebagbrainwaves]

OK, I'LL TELL YOU YOU ABOUT FATHER

It probably was enough to protect hunter-gatherers, and perhaps all pre-industrial societies. My father's entire industry breeder reactors disappeared that way. In a recent talk I said something that upset a lot of work.1 It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.2 What happened?3 The most intriguing thing about this theory, if it's right, is that it was designed by marketing people instead of designers. Of course, what shows up on the radar screen may be different from what was originally envisioned. Chicago has the third largest metropolitan area in America.

Since speed doesn't matter in most of the time, and that would be enough to get the job done. But their tastes can't be quite mainstream either, because they give them more leverage over developers, who can more easily be replaced. Actually it might be worth trying to write. They tend to have a separate notion of numbers, because you can represent them as lists: the integer n could be represented as a list of n elements.4 Or rather, my inbox is a todo list. Mathematicians have always felt this way about axioms—the former because the designers are in charge, and the doctors figure out what's wrong. Three of the most powerful people in the world look like this? Barely usable, I admit, but usable. For example, in 2004 Bill Clinton found he was feeling short of breath.

This essay is derived from a keynote talk at PyCon 2003.5 That's a striking departure from the past. If you've lived in New York, where people walk, but not with the giant leaps you see in technology. You either have a startup scene, or they don't. The CEO of that company, the next Steve Jobs, might not measure up to Steve Jobs. But it cost her a few days of terror. So why do you need a separate data type? It's supply and demand: glamour is popular, so you have to discover, not something you naturally sink into. In some ways, the answer is no.

One way to answer this question is to look back. Consider libraries: they're reusable because they're language, whether they're written in the same email hell we do now. Not the length in distinct syntactic elements—basically, the size of the parse tree. But it's not because liberals are smarter that this is so. In those businesses, the designers though they're not generally called that have more power.6 If you see pictures with man-made bits of America.7 If the hundred year language were available today, would we want to program in now. Universities seem the place to start. Start by writing a Basic interpreter for a machine with a few thousand users.8 Among other things, there will also be a need for such infrastructure companies. You'd think it would be hard to predict what life will be like in a hundred years, but it still might be a net win.

It's not true that those who can't do, teach some of the best young researchers, you could reproduce Silicon Valley elsewhere, or is there something unique about it? Won't we just tell computers what we want them to do? But it's not just nice. Shockley.9 But it is a disastrously bad todo list. Doctors discovered that several of his arteries were over 90% blocked and 3 days later he had a quadruple bypass. SUVs are gross because they're the solution to a gross problem.10 Once we reach that point, we take one of two routes. But there is a compiler that will parallelize our code for us. Nerds will pay a premium to live in Pittsburgh or Ithaca. Bill Clinton has the best medical care available. No thread about Javascript will grow as fast as one about religion, because people feel they have to learn it.

When I say Java won't turn out to be a useful exercise to look closely at the core of a language to see if there are any axioms that could be weeded out. I think what religion and politics have in common is that they engage so many people's identities. It's because liberal cities tolerate odd ideas, and smart people by definition have odd ideas.11 It's a little inconvenient to control it with a wireless mouse, but the people we were picking would become the YC alumni network.12 This new protocol should give more power to the recipient than email does. Rich people don't get better design or craftsmanship here. I had to learn where they were. In practice, writing programs in a hundred years. She was ok with that.13 What it takes is the right people, and how do you get them to move. We don't especially prize design or craftsmanship; they just get a larger, more dramatic-looking, and full of expensive fittings. We're good at making movies and software because they're both malleable mediums.

So nature and nurture combine to make us avoid self-indulgence leads to trouble.14 On the subway back from the airport she asked Why is everyone smiling?15 Which topics engage people's identity depends on the people, not the buildings.16 I think such embedded languages are a great idea, and I expect them to be written as thin enough skins that users can see the general-purpose language underneath.17 Though we initially did this out of self-indulgence.18 Mathematical notation does evolve, but not smiling.19 In fact, Shockley Semiconductor and Fairchild Semiconductor were not startups at all in our sense. Not for the first time, either. They're obsessed with making things well. Many are stunningly bad, but that's always true of ambitious efforts. Don't worry, it's not just for other people that you need to reproduce is those two or three founders sitting around a kitchen table deciding to start a new company, Fairchild Semiconductor.

What exactly is personality? We're good at making movies and software because they're both messy processes. In fact, Shockley Semiconductor and Fairchild Semiconductor were not startups at all in our sense.20 American cities have been turned inside out. And the worst thing we make in America. It's not just because she's shy that she hates bragging.21 Ditto for cancer. And in the film industry, though producers may second-guess directors, the director controls most of what appears on the screen.

Notes

This probably undervalues the company down. A market for its lack of movement between companies was as a process. After a while ago, and stonewall about the size of a startup or going to kill Archimedes.

I wonder if that means having type II startups spread: all you know Apple originally had three founders? We walked with him for a CEO to make the police treat people more equitably.

In reality, wealth is measured by what one delivers, not because Delicious users are stupid. So while we can respond by simply removing whitespace, periods, commas, etc, and astronomy. Needless to say because most of the ingredients in our own, like someone adding a few old professors in Palo Alto.

Seeming like they will or at such a low valuation to see. Many hope he was skeptical about things you've written or talked about before, but one by one they die and their flakiness is indistinguishable from dishonesty by the high score thrown out seemed the more thoughtful people start to rise again.

I should add that we're not. Founders at Work. But you can't avoid doing sales by hiring someone to invent the steam engine. But if so, even in their target market the shoplifters are also startlingly popular on Delicious, but nothing else: no friends, TV, go ahead.

And the old version, I mean that if you turn out to do certain kinds of menial work early in the life of a problem into your bodies. So much better is a self fulfilling prophecy.

Our secret is to start a startup to become a so-called signalling risk. The meanings of these limits could be mistaken, and a little too narrow than to call the market price if they stopped causing so much, or that an eminent designer is any good at sniffing out any red flags about the distinction between money and disputes. The question to ask, if you don't even sound that plausible.

The idea is bad. At any given time I had a day feels like it if you don't know enough about big markets, they wouldn't have the perfect point to spread the story. Emmett Shear writes: I'd argue the long tail for sports may be loud and disorganized, but only if the public conversation about women consists of fighting, their voices. One measure of the paths people take through life, and help keep the number of situations.

Options have largely been replaced with restricted stock, which amounts to the environment. Note: This is an acceptable excuse, but we are not very discerning. So if you get of the main reason kids lie to adults. Josh Kopelman pointed out an interesting trap founders fall into a form that would appeal to space aliens, but in practice investors discount merely predicted revenue, so had a day job might actually make it self-perpetuating if they become well enough known that people start to shift the military leftward.

It did.

And perhaps even worse, they are themselves typical users. They'd be interchangeable if markets stood still.

To intro you to two more modules, an image generator written in C, which people used to those.

If the startup after you buy it despite having no evidence it's for sale unless the person.

When that happens. The best way for a startup is taking the Facebook that might produce the next investor. The original Internet forums were not web sites but Usenet newsgroups. I once explained this to some abstract notion of fairness or randomly, in the technology everyone was going to do it for you by accidents of age and geography, rather than insufficient effort to be limits on the way investors say No.

That way most reach the stage where they're sufficiently convincing well before Demo Day pitch, the government had little acquired immunity to tax avoidance. For most of their times. So much better is a rock imitating a butterfly that happened to get the money so burdensome, that you can do to get all the poorer countries.

It's a bit of an extensive and often useful discussion on the summer of 1914 as if the sender happens to compensate for another. Possible doesn't mean a great programmer doesn't merely do the opposite way from the truth about the nature of server-based software is so pervasive how often the answer to, the less educated parents seem closer to a study by the same gestures but without using them to switch the operating system so much that anyone wants to invest at a critical period.

Ed. The few people plot their own freedom. 3 pet supply startups for the desperate and the manager mostly in less nerdy fields like finance and media.

One YC founder told me they like the bizarre stuff.

No, they are themselves typical users.

I have set up an additional disk drive. They did better than Jessica. Its retail price is about 220,000 sestertii for his freedom Dessau, Inscriptiones 7812. And those examples do reflect after-tax return from a VC fund.

Einstein, Princeton University Press, 2006.

Thanks to Sam Altman, David Hornik, Trevor Blackwell, Geoff Ralston, and Jessica Livingston for putting up with me.

[canvaswolfdoll]

CanvasWatches: A Silent Voice

(NOTE: This was originally published on my Patreon on 7/11/2019. Hence lack of mention of the KyoAni arson attack.)

I had wanted to see A Silent Voice in theaters during its limited release. I guess licensing got confused, because it took forever to get a home release in America. But now it’s on Netflix, so I suppose it’s all okay?

It’s a good movie. Much better than Your Name, which overshadowed it. I recommend watching A Silent Voice, especially before you read my analysis. It’s best unspoiled, as it’s twists and turns are mostly down to earth and simple, but it’s well worth the ride. Especially for the visual storytelling.

I’m also in the awkward position of needing to find a new series to fill the late night ritual slot. Been trying to binge through The Simpsons, but it doesn’t really suit the purpose.

Guess I finally need to invest in HiDive. Continue my perpetual Anime catch-up quest.

For now, let’s talk about A Silent Voice. Major spoilers ahead!

A Silent Voice (or ‘The Shape of Voice’ according to the movie’s title card) is a film about healing and redemption. Also bullying. And disabilities, both physical and mental. And friendship. And…

There’s a lot.

Point is, I’ve historically have been down on the whole ‘Bully/Victim romance’ dynamic shippers have, and bullies generally not getting their just desserts in general. I don’t enjoy bullies, and rarely do I enjoy when a narrative shifts them into a friend role without actually having them make up for their crimes.

A Silent Voice does not do that. It instead shows the long, hard suffering road of Shoya Ishida as he attempts to come to terms with himself. That was actually a surprise to me. Based on the title and marketing, I’d assumed the movie would be about Shoko Nishimiya, his deaf victim.

I’ve also had an interest in characters with disabilities, especially ones that inhibit communication or interacting with the world in some manner. Maybe it’s because of my interest in braille, or a visual novel I played, or my own speech impediment. It’s representation that’s not always shown in characters that exist outside of teaching a lesson about acceptance, possibly out of fear by creators of doing something wrong.[1]

So it’s not far-fetched to assume that the movie was going to be about Nishimiya’s struggles and the stress of her bully returning to her life.

Instead, it’s fully Ishida’s story, which resonated with me and made me very interested in trying to show the film at the treatment center I work at[2] because it does an amazing job of showing how everyone’s journey through trauma to healing is different.

Ishida is introduced as a high school student, well on his way to adulthood, withdrawing all his money, quitting his job, and tying up loose ends before heading to the edge of a bridge.

Then we learn why he’s there: bullying. First with him as the agressor towards Nishimiya, then his own.

We flashback to elementary school, the day Nishimiya joins the class, and introduces herself via a prepared notebook, ending with a message announcing her inability to hear. Initially, the rest of the class is intrigued by this novelty, but eventually a small handful become irritated with communicating via notebook, and push back when a teacher arrives to start teaching Japanese Sign Language.[3] The two main aggressors are Ishida himself and a girl named Naoka Uena. Eventually, the repeated theft and destruction of Nishimiya’s hearing aids leads to her being pulled from the class and the principal to get involved to confront the class. The entire class uses Ishida as a scapegoat, and turns their ire on him.

Mostly because their homeroom teacher calls him out and loudly presents an out.

Which… is not what the adult in the situation should do. And, for once, I have actual experience in this field. Specifically, children with behavioral issues. And, like, public shaming to this degree is bad. Raising the issue to the whole group is a good start, but open discussion leads to scapegoating and children refusing to take responsibility. What you want to do is sort out a trustworthy witness and the main aggressors, and address them privately to get a full and honest opinion.

Instead, well, the class lost their favorite victim, and administration has (indirectly) approved who can serve as a replacement.

Cue Ishida having a Bad Time, with a montage mirroring Nishimiya’s struggles before skipping to Ishida’s high school life: he’s cut himself off from his peers, feeling he neither will receive nor deserves friendship. Also, he seeks out and attempts to apologize to Nishimiya. Using sign language.

With that all established, we move forward to after Ishida decides against his suicide attempt, and getting confronted by his mother, who is the only responsible adult is this dang film, good heavens.

Anyways, one thing is made very clear about high school age Ishida: the years of abush and self-imposed seclusion has changed him into a much better person. It’s super impressive how the movie takes a vicious bully and turns him into a truly sympathetic and likeable protagonist. Finally past his darkest moment, and with a reconciliation with Nishimiya, he begins to open up.

First, he helps a classmate by offering up his own bike to a thief. Tomohiro Nagatsuka, in thanks, seeks out Ishida’s bike and returns it to him. Nagatsuka, a friendless outcast himself, becomes Ishida’s best friend.

In further attempts to meet with Nishimiya, Ishida has to contend with a grumpy youth armed with a camera, who turns out to be Nishimiya’s younger sister, Yuzuru.

Yuzuru uses a picture taken of Ishida hopping into a river to retrieve a notebook he accidentally dropped to get the guy suspended.

Now with plenty of free time, Ishida begins investigating reuniting Nishimiya with another classmate, and the social circle starts to open up.

First is Miyoko Sahara, the only classmate who put in an effort to befriend Nishimiya in elementary school, and got bullied out for her troubles. She’s now tall, studying fashion, and has a cute design.

While reuniting Nishimiya and Sahara, Ishida re-encounters Ueno, who is eager to reconcile with Ishida, but is less thrilled to see Nishimiya again.

Two students in Nishimiya’s class are also added to the group (one a girl, Miki Kawai, from the elementary class who never directly participated in the bullying, but joined in the laughter, and the other her boyfriend).

The returning students also showcase varying ways bullies can progress. Ishida learned his lesson and made a turn around; Kawai refuses to acknowledge her part; Ueno is just… the worst.

Ueno spends the whole movie victim blaming and standing by how awful she was, physically assaulting Nishimiya, and trying to rebuild the original friend circle of bullies. Sort of a dark mirror to Ishida.

To her credit, in her last scene, Ueno attempts to insult Nishimiya in sign, and gets flustered when Nishimiya helps by correcting her on how to sign moron. So there are signs Ueno is making attempts to be better, which is good, but any such progress would be a post-narrative thing.

The use of signing in the movie is a cool bit of character reveal. Nishimiya, obviously, has to use sign language, though she does attempt vocalization constantly throughout.[5] Ishida has learned plenty of sign in his journey of self improvement, and grows more comfortable with it through the runtime. Yuzuru, the loving younger sister, also learned sign and acts as her sister’s translator with no complaint. The same goes for their grandmother. The rest of the friend circle don’t sign, but still treat Nishimiya as one of their own. Nishimiya’s mother… never signs.

Nishimiya’s mother is protective of her daughter, becoming (justifiably) upset at Ishida[6] re-entering her daughter’s life, enters Yuzuru into a photography contest, and gets into a physical confrontation with Ueno when she catches the girl attacking her daughter. This woman never signs on screen.

Which might be a factor into Nishimiya’s depression and attempted suicide.

Turns out the silence of the voice is the crushing depression of our leads!

Because while Ishida’s been blaming himself for ruining Nishimiya’s life in grade school, Nishimiya’s been putting the blame on herself, including a dumb falling out when Ishida decides to try and push almost everyone away from himself.

As much as I usually hate dumb high school drama, the movie does a pretty good job of walking the viewer through the thought process. Ishida sees that his attempts to build Nishimiya’s friend circle has brought Ueno back in as a vicious bully, and the failings of the others begin to overwhelm him. So he dismisses them with a tirade, and focuses his attention on being a good friend to Nishimiya.

Nishimiya, meanwhile, blames her deafness for her inability to connect with others and extrapolates that to being the cause of Ishida destroying his own progress. And, as Yuzuru reveals (and was attempting to combat with the grim photos of dead animals throughout the apartment, Nishimiya has been battling suicidal thoughts since elementary school.

The fact that an animated film is addressing this subject matter explicitly is why I love anime as a medium.

While viewing fireworks with her family and Ishida, Nishimiya excuses herself to go ‘study’ back at her apartment. Yuzuru then sends Ushuida to get a camera from the same location, and upon arriving, Ishida sees Nishimiya about to jump off the balcony.

So he runs over and catches her arm, there’s a dramatic inner monologue as he tries to pull her back up, and as soon as Nishimiya gains a hold, gravity takes payment in the form of Ishida.

Which means it’s coma time for Ishida! And it’s Nishmiya’s turn to try and make amends by reuniting the friend group.

This is the time Ueno violently confronts Nishmiya a second time, and Nishimiya again states the immense self-loathing she feels. Nishimiya’s mother walks in on the scene and starts slapping Ueno and yelling at her daughter’s aggressor.

Then Ishida’s mother comes upon that scene, breaks up the fight, and immediately moves to comfort Nishimiya because Miyako Ishida is the best person in this movie.

It also serves to highlight that Nishimiya’s mother has been using her daughter to project her own frustrations.

Eventually, Ishida’s coma time is up, and he must face the bright new day! Except it’s night time…

His first act is to rip out all the important medical monitoring devices and run off to Nishimiya’s favorite bridge to correct the one slight he’d been making this entire time: he never actually apologized to the girl he bullied. Which, to be fair, is easy to overlook among all the other things he put effort into to make amends.

Our leads have a heart to heart, vent their frustrations and anxieties, and are both better for it.

Ishida heals somewhat and becomes more open to letting others into his life.

Which reminds me: the visual story-telling! The movie had a very clever bit of visual language. As a teenager, Ishida had been unable to look others in the eyes, and had emotionally written off being able to connect. This is represented by a big, blue X over the faces of those he hadn’t connected with. Initially, his entire class is populated by crossed out faces. When he gets befriended by Nagatsuka, the cross literally peels off and falls to the ground. This continues through the film.

Where it gets particularly clever is during a friendly outing to an amusement park, where Ueno has unexpectedly tagged along. Her face is crossed out, as Ishida doesn’t want to reconcile. But as the hang-out goes on, the cross eventually gradually drops away. Then, when Ueno’s true colors are reaffirmed, the cross reappears.

It’s a simple element that conveys so much without ever being explicitly explained. It’s good use of the medium.

Just… the whole movie is good. The plot is strong, the characters are well-written and sympathetic, the animation and art direction is gorgeous. It’s currently on Netflix, but I know the next time I want to watch it will lead to me purchasing the Blu-ray. I never want to lose access to it. Go watch it.

If you enjoyed this review, and want to help me reach out to others, consider supporting my patreon or buying me a… well, I don’t drink coffee, but I have a Ko-fi account anyways.

Anyways, I should probably go try and put effort into learning sign language or something.

Kataal kataal.

---

[1] Working on integrating such qualities into the cast of my current project. Would also love to do it with TRPG character(s). [2] A job I am flabbergasted to have, since I have no qualifications, went into the interview content with not getting the job, and I’m not shy in telling people I don’t have a specific passion for the work. But I seem to be doing well? It’s weird. [3] Which seems, much like Japanese Braille,[4] has limited education material in english, though there is this youtube channel… with explanations for this film… huh… [4] Which, much like the western version, is a beautiful example of a constructed alphabet versus an evolved one. Such beautiful consistency with vowels and other hiragana… [5] The use of an actual deaf actress to voice her was a very wise decision, by the way. I had reservations about how it could impact the final product, but Lexi Cowden knocks it out of the park. [6] Ugh, I keep swapping his name out for Nishimiya and Ueno. Writers: vary the syllables!

[coconutseaways]

We made it!! Horta - 2017

Where do I even begin!? I guess from the beginning. June 10, 2017 - Day 1 I was wanting. To leave at the crack of dawn. We had been watching the weather and 6 am showed that the worst of the low pressure had passed and we would be in the clear. A little windy but nothing to out of hand. We didn't wake up until 7 or 8 and then it took us a couple hours to get sorted. I was so antsy to get going. Then we lifted anchor and started motoring east towards the sea. It was about midday when we officially were into the ocean and out of the coastline. We had our (#3) working jib attached on the Furler and the main sail fully hoisted. As we made our way out of the protection of the little islands and Chester basin the waves started to feel a little more choppy. We made it to a rocky shoal area called Bull Rock when I started to feel the heaving in my stomach. Not 30 minutes later, I was holding a bucket. I have been sea sick only a couple times in Manitoba, usually when the waves are rolly and choppy and I try to go down below to focus on something like my phone or whatnot. I definitely did not expect to be as sick as I was. It took about 24 hours for the sea to calm down from the passing storm and about the same time for my stomach to realize we were not going back to land and to toughen up. Moral of the story is don't go out on the ocean right after a crazy low pressure because the after effects last for a while and are not fun. Thankfully our self steering was on and mike was able to do everything while I worked on getting my sea legs. Our first night, Mike was able to sleep while I got up every 15 minutes to check for ships. I was still feeling a bit ill but I knew he needed some rest. Day 2 The next morning I was feeling better but I couldn't eat anything. Thankfully we had Gatorade on board to keep me hydrated. Around noon our self steering started making a weird sound and within half hour it crapped out completely! Ughhh! So Mike had to sit and steer while I tried to regain some strength. I had mostly stopped throwing up but still felt pretty bad. He managed to do it most of the day but then night came and he was getting tired. So I mustered up some strength and was able to sit for a couple hours and steer while Mike got some shut eye. It was tough because I felt like I could sleep for a day straight and you are just steering through darkness. You keep pointing at your compass bearing and you can see a faint line of the horizon where the water meets the sky, but it's all in dark shades of grey. You can see some of the rippling from the waves but can't see the actual wave coming at you. We had a wind from the south which pushed along a little more north than our original route. We were still in cold water and aiming for the Gulf Stream to pick up current and warmth. Day 3 The sun was out, the air was warm and humid. The south wind was bringing a lovely tropical feeling in the air even bough we were still around 41 North. We had some great wave surfing and topped our wooed at 17 knots! Surfing waves on a boat is so cool. The wave curls along side the boat as you steer through the tunnel. It was a great day of sailing and Mike had a lot of fun trying to catch each wave. I was finally able to say that I had my sea legs. My stomach had shrunk a bit but I was now actually hungry and was eating as much as I could to recover. Even though I had good foul weather gear, most of my pants ended up wet from the waves splashing over and seeping in the sides. And because it was cold I had more than one layer on. So by day 3 almost all of my pants were salty wet. So we fresh water rinsed then and hung as many out to dry as we could but there wasn't enough line and then the sun went away. So I ended up with a pile of soaking wet clothes and no way to dry them. We waited to see if the next day would bring out the sun again to dry them some more but unfortunately it was damp and cloudy. The wind just kept increasing and increasing. The fun wave surfing became not so fun because we had giant waves and honking wind. It was a little crazy for me so Mike ended up steering us for quite a while until he was too tired. Luckily for me the wind had eased a very small amount and I was able to control the boat without too much difficulty. Day 4 We made good use of our reef points on the main sail. There are 3 reefing points and that allows us to lower our main sail to reduce sail area. The sun was now buried behind the thickest gray clouds. The wind was colder since it had swung from the south to the north east and that made us change course and head more south. Every night we were in a harness clipped onto the boat in case there was a fall. At least we couldn't fall off the boat while the other was sleeping. Having to steer the boat the whole way made it very lonely for us. Because we weren't even able to stand and hug each other and each night was us sleeping alone because the other one had to stay at the wheel. It was tough to be together the whole time but not be able to be affectionate with each other. I was in survival mode. Eat when I had to and drink lots of water. When it was my shift I put my music on and pushed through the hours. When it was my turn for a break I slept as much as I could. At night I experienced sailing through my first electrical storm. Luckily it was beside us and not directly over. But it freaked me right out to see a flash of light in the otherwise darkness of sea and sky. Mike and I watched the storm pass behind us and over to the other side through the night. Thankfully if the boat ever did get struck, the mast is grounded through the spreaders down to the keel. Chance of electrocution is very small but it would be a loud bang and some damage to say the least. Day 5 Still no sun. I'm getting depressed. Two layers of clouds are blocking the sun and you can't even see where it is supposed to be during the day. Light grey and dark grey. That's all I get. Can't charge anything without solar power so we just kept pushing through. I just wanted the sun to come out. We had our lazy jack come undone and the chafing ended up causing our boom topping lift cable to break. When that happened it caused the remaining cable to wind around 3 different ropes creating a nasty knot way up the mast. Mike figured a way to use the boat hook to pull down and get a hand on it. Then we winched it in and the cable snapped off. The lazy jack was still out of reach but at least the knot was gone and we were able to hoist another sail and drop the main if we needed. The night shift is brutal. 4 hours drags by so slowly when your by yourself in the dark. I hated it. I usually did the 9-1 or 10-2 shift while mike took the 2am to 6am. Then we alternated 2 hour shifts and napped until we felt more rested. Day 6 Same cloudy sky. No sun. Each day made me feel more down. I just need the sun. A couple times during the nights we were becalmed for an hour or so. Flapping around. Which is the most frustrating thing. The wind had increased and it was a bit rough going but when I was steering, all of a sudden there was a massive grey body right beside the boat. Floating right beside us was a sperm whale just checking us out. It was a little scary because all of a sudden there is this massive creature beside you. So very cool. The end of day 6 the sun finally showed at sunset and it made me cry. I wanted the trip to be over no doubt. And finally seeing the sun you realize how much little things can mean when you're in the middle of nowhere. Mike felt really bad for me and I went on my 4 hour shift feeling my absolute lowest. I asked the sun to please come out tomorrow because I couldn't do another day without. It was a long night Day 7 The sun is out!!!! Oh thank goodness. Blue sky and sun. It made me feel so much better almost instantly. I felt like I could do the rest of the trip. However we were still days away so I was mentally trying to keep myself from getting too anxious. I knew the end was coming but it was not close enough to be excited else it would have felt like even longer. But I did start counting down the rest of the night shifts. Soon they would be over! Day 8 We had dolphins join us quite regularly throughout the trip. Only the one spent whale so far that came close. Lots of Man O Wars - the jellyfish with the air bubble on top. They are pretty but have brutal tentacles. One long one that can span 15 feet or more. Day 9 The wind had swung around and was making us head more south than we had wanted. Finally we got a little break and she let us point more toward Horta. But we were beating into the wind for the time being which makes it seem much colder. I was fully dressed with two jackets, life jacket, foul weather thick pants (like ski pants) a scarf around my face and a toque. This was my usual get up when it was my shift. Even if the sun was shining that's what I was wearing. I felt like my cheeks were being ripped apart by the wind, even with the scarf trying to hide all the skin on my face. Day 10 We are getting so close. I had hoped to make it a 10 day trip but we are still a couple hundred miles away. The really countdown started at 500 miles. But being under 200 made me feel so much better. I had that extra push if wanting to get there and we knew that we were going to make it in time for our first Airbnb booking. As long as the wind kept up. My spirit definitely lightened up being closer to the destination. It was a hard race. There was no relaxing and no stopping. We were on a deadline and that makes a trip like this so much harder to do. The wind completely dies off at night. I am so frustrated with it. We need the wind!! Come back please. We made barely any headway compared to the other nights. Ugh. Day 11 Sunrise and there is Faial island and Pico Island. You can see the mountain and the sunrise lights it up like a beacon home. Oh it's a magnificent sight. But it's still a good distance away. Now we aim for land. The wind has given us a little more room. We are still close hauling and she has started blowing again. Not too heavy but enough to give us the momentum we need. We spend the day getting excited and talking about what we are gonna do when we get there. I want a pizza! Mike wants a beer and a prego roll! I want to lay in a park and sleep on land, get off the boat. Do some laundry. Just stop for a minute. Last night shift. It goes by at a moderate pace. I have my music and it helps but really I can't wait to be done. Day 12 The wind is light but still there. We will make it in about 8 hours. We are 40 miles away and you can see the gorgeous island in front getting closer. Then the wind completely dies on us. The ocean looks like glass which I would have thought could never happen. No waves no wind. We bob for a while and then get lucky because two sperm whales decide to check us out. They get so close and one passes right in front of the bow. They are massive! I am in total awe of their size and majesty. Mind blowing. We spend at least an hour with them before they start to leave. Then we fired up the engine and started motoring toward Horta. We arrived in the harbour just before midnight. Exhausted but excited to be there it was such a relief to drop anchor and stop. We are here we made it. June 22, 11:58 we are here. Our first booking is tomorrow with 5 guests. Oh man do we have work to do! But for now we sleep, finally at the same time in the same bed. I made some popcorn, we ate, we passed out. June 23 We get up around 8 and then row onto land. We have to find the port authority and customs to check in but they don't open until 9. So we grab an Americano at Cafe Sport and enjoy our first time sitting on land. Once we did that it was off to customs. No problem checking in. Very easy. Spent the rest of the morning over hauling the boat, filling water tanks and airing stuff out. I got some wifi and met our first guests at the cafe. It was all a blur but they were all very friendly. We asked for a couple more hours to overhaul the boat which they were totally fine with. Mike and I went into overdrive storing anything we could away to make room for the 5 guests plus us. 7 onboard is a pretty full boat but we made it work. By 3pm we had them on board and checked in with port authority as crew. I will write another blog about our time with them. 4 great nights with great people. The voyage over was exhausting but an experience that I will never forget. I was so happy to finally get here. To be on an island I've never seen before. It is just breath taking. Absolutely amazing. I'm so glad I had Mike with me to do this amazing journey. I don't think I could've done it with anyone else. He really is a great partner and support. I love him. So far so good guys!!! Will post again in a couple days with the Airbnb experience!