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importantgalaxyrunaway · 10 months

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Between the bars (Coriolanus Snow x reader)

AUTHORS NOTE 📝 : yall im so proud of this one i think its my best one yet would you want a part two bc i would be interested please comment and o worked Really really hard on this one especially a little longer than normal got a little carried away.

WARNINGS: pining, my post concussion writing, suggestive but no lemon, hardcore making out, fluff and slight angst w/ coryo family, tried my best for snow to be in character, were basically Lucy gray

My hands wrapped around the cold metal bars of the monkey house where I was enclosed in. I couldn’t sleep no, not a wink so I decided to watch over my district parter. It was cold at night, they didn’t give us any blankets. It’s barbaric the way they treat us, just because we’re district doesn’t mean we’re not human. And just since most of us are going to our death you’d think that we’d be entitled to a least a little dignity.

you’d think….

Suddenly I hear footsteps and peer out the bars of the monkey cage into the empty zoo. Well…..not empty anymore. There approaching me is the one person who has treated me fairly since coming here. He handles me like I was a true lady of the capital.

Coriolanus snow walked up to the bars where I was.

“hello y/n….I’ve brought you something” he hands me an intricate compact “it was my mothers I thought it would remind you of me in the arena and…….” He pauses and looks around though no one is there “there’s poison in it. I know, but only in self defense in that arena your going to things you’re not proud of”

I nod “I understand” I say knowing I’ll have to use it at some point “it’s beautiful…thank you” I run my fingers over the delicate and fancy design.

he smiles. That smile that stupid smirk. When I first met Coriolanus I had to admit I was struck by how attractive he was. Paired with holding out a rose for me to take from his hand and saying that he would take care of me….well it’s enough to have any girl blushing like a fool. I tried my best to keep it together but I knew some of the blush was showing on my face when he held out the rose. Whenever I look at him I get butterflies in my stomach. Little did I know at the time he felt almost the exact same way about me and my appearance when he first saw me. But it was my spirit at the reaping and going foreward that truly made him fall for her. In fact the was one of the things that prompted him to arrive with the rose at the train station. When I was reaped I didn’t cry or scream or anything but….well I sung. I’ve always been a performer at heart and though my song was very short it showed that they couldn’t break my spirit.

now he leans down and brings his face close to mine. Closer than ever before.

“Coryo, I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again…but I wanted to thank you, you’ve treated me well like an equal and that’s rare. If I die in that arena it won’t be your fault-“

“I’m going you out of there y/n. You’re not just a tribute to me. You’re going to survive”he shocks even himself by saying it. He had never spoken about his feelings to y/n. Not even to Tigris. But with the games tomorrow there was no chance other than now. He was enchanted by her beauty and her charm when they first met, her realness. And though it was hard to admit her survival in that arena now meant much more to him than just getting the plinthe prize. He cared about her. Love was a feeling that was all too foreign to the young Coriolanus snow. He had only ever possibly experimented with a girl or two and that was nothing special just a fling. He was an orphan he never knew love from his parents all he had was Tigris, the grandma’m and now y/n.

I let my fingers slip in between the the bars that separated us and caress the side of his soft cheek. Letting myself give in to the temptation that has plagued me ever since we met. His eyes lock onto mine and me gaze at each other for a while lost in our own thoughts. as I stroke his cheek he leans into my touch so heavily as though he has never felt real love in his life. My other hand goes to cup his other cheek from the side so I’m holding his head in my hands now. He looks up at me and I slide one of my hands down to his neck. He was so clearly touch starved, I could see the desperation and hunger in his eyes.

and we’re both wondering the same thing. is this it? Is this the last time l’ll ever see them?

“Y/n l/n” he breathed like it was a desperate plea.

“coryo…”

and then he leans in close and we are in between the bars. He kisses me at first gently, soft and pure like driven snow. I can smell the roses on him a sweet scent that fills my lungs and takes me away. And we both forget about everything. The arena, the tributes, the fact I might be facing my death tomorrow. Because all I can feel is his lips upon mine. His lips are warm and soft, unlike the cold crisp air around us. We’re almost gasping for air. The kiss turns hot and heavy. More rough as it goes on. Like he was holding back before, now he had given up the fight with control. I gasp as I feel his hand snake around to the back off my head and pulling impossibly closer to him in the kiss. When I gasp he takes advantage of that and and deepens the kiss even further if possible. It was never a fight for dominance he took control. A small groan of pleasure escapes Coriolanus’s lips. I hum in response showing that I’m enjoying it as much as he is. Eventually we break and put our foreheads together.

And there stands Coriolanus snow one of the finest men in the capital, panting uniform messed up, and face as red as a beet. All because of the tribute y/n l/n from district 12. She had more than just affect on him. That was an understatement

not that she was any better…

Our foreheads touching both of us panting for our lives, tomato faced. I gaze once again into those beautiful blue irises that remind me of crystals

“Coryo…I won’t let you down in that arena I’ll survive for us…you’ve given me something to fight for” I breathe out

”and you’ve given me someone to root for. I’ll be waiting for you y/n” he almost whispers the last sentence

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kasdan · 1 year

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𝐸𝑚𝑏𝑒𝑟’𝑠 𝐹𝑢𝑟𝑦 {𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 1}

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a/n: hello! welcome to my first story I am posting on tumblr (i would like to apologize if it is suckish) I have had this story plot in my mind for a while and i’ve been on a frank castle craze recently and figured i’ll just write about it. so please read at your hearts content and i would love your lovely feedback and we will see if this story goes anywhere. i had to split this chapter into another part bc it was getting too long so oops.

Summary: you are experimented on and are trained to be the perfect weapon but you’ve decided that you’ve had enough and rage takes over.

Pairing: eventual frank castle x reader

Warnings: torture, needles, blood, mentions of kidnapping, child abuse, death, murder, trauma, slow burn, language, tasing

Word count: 4.5k

Chapter song: Ember by Katherine McNamara

I hear the muffled clack of footsteps getting louder and clearer as I work to open my eyes. The room is bright, and I have to squint as I go to pick my hand up to block out some of the light.

However, I can’t move my arm. My breathing gets heavier as I work myself awake and try to figure out what's going on. Then I remember. I remember exactly what’s happening, and I relax under the bindings since I know there is nothing else I can do as I stare at the ceiling above me.

The footsteps stop right in front of my door, and I close my eyes again, not wanting to face what I know is going to happen as the door slides open. The person comes through the door and says nothing as they walk up to me. It’s silent until I hear them start typing loudly, the sound of the keys echoing in my ears. I squeeze my eyes tightly shut, wanting to drown out all the noise and go back to a noiseless slumber.

Suddenly the typing stops, and I hear rustling on the left side of the table I am strapped to. Then everything stops, and all that is heard is the faint clicking of the clock somewhere in the room, where I can’t bring myself to remember where exactly it is.

I feel the person roughly grip my arm, and my eyes shoot open. Not caring about the brightness of the room anymore, I turn my head towards the perpetrator. I can’t see their face; they’re wearing a mask that covers the bottom half of it, with only their eyes showing as they stare down at the arm they grabbed.

"Please." I open my mouth and manage to get out a plea when I see the needle that they’re holding in their hand. My voice cracked in three different places with just that one word, and it came out as more of a whisper, but I know that the person heard it when they look up at me.

I see their mask move, and the corner of their eyes move up as if they were smiling at me. I get a nauseous feeling in my stomach at the sight, and they say nothing as they look back down at my arm and bring the needle to my skin.

My mind is screaming at me to do something, anything, as I see the needle get closer and closer to my skin. I try to move away, but the bindings are keeping me in place, and my entire body is sore, I'm not even able to move a muscle. I can’t get away even if my life depended on it, which in this moment I am sure it does.

I turn my head to look away, and I feel the needle pierce my skin as a tear rolls down my cheek at the knowledge of what is to come. I can feel the liquid coursing through my veins, and I know it’s just a matter of time before I start feeling the effects.

I brace myself on the table as my skin starts to burn and my veins feel like ice is going through them. I have been through this process hundreds of times already, and it still has a growing effect on me, as if it changes every time.

I soon feel unbearable pain as the icy feeling in my veins turns into a burning sensation that makes my skin feel like it’s boiling. I open my mouth to scream, but nothing comes out. My throat is raw from only screaming and barely any talking for days on end.

Tears streamed down my face as I struggled against the binds holding me down. I know that I’m barely moving them and have no chance of escape, but my body was moving impulsively, trying to get out.

Small whines are the only thing leaving my throat, and my eyes are blurry from the tears. I see the outline of the person in the room with me walking around my body on the table. I don’t have to see them to know that they’re writing their ‘findings’ down.

I close my eyes again, praying for the pain to go away, even the slightest bit. It’s gone on for hours at a time before, and I just hope that I pass out early this time.

I don’t know how long I’ve been on the table in pain for; it can’t have been more than 20 minutes, but it felt like hours. I can vaguely hear the door to the room opening before everything goes black and the pain in my body is left to a dulling heat in the back of my mind.

When I wake up, I’m back in my cell, laying on my bed—a single blanket and a worn-out pillow laid out on the ground of the cold room. It takes me a minute to be able to move my arms and legs. I can still feel the dull throb of pain in my joints as I move myself to sit upright against the wall.

There’s not much in my room, that being a small table in the corner with some paper and writing utensils that I never seem to really use, and a small toilet in the corner. I usually spend the day staring at the white, blank walls, waiting for the pain in my body to go away fully. It never completely leaves; there’s always that dull ache in my body, reminding me of what’s been done to me and mocking me, saying I’ll never be able to function with my body like it’s supposed to. Well, apparently this is what it’s supposed to be: a rag doll getting picked up and pushed around for other people to poke and prod at.

I’ve been in this place since I was born, and I have no idea how long it's been since. I have no concept of time in here besides the glances at the clock in the operating room, as they call it. Not that I can read the time on it anyway; I was never taught. Sometimes I would stare at the clock in the room while I was being worked on, trying to figure out the time, but they were always fast glances, and I couldn’t bring myself to focus that well when I was being injected with stuff.

Reading the time on clocks isn’t what I was made to do anyway. I hear the voices and conversations in the hallway pass by; it’s not like I have anything else to do anyway. I’ve heard several instances where they’re talking about a military weapon that would be very helpful, and I can’t help but notice that the weapon that’s been constantly talked about is me. They’re making me into a weapon.

I guess it would be obvious to any outsider looking in what they are trying to do, but I don’t think of it that way. I’m here trying to understand why this is happening and why it’s happening to me. I didn’t ask for any of this, and I often find myself wondering what a normal life and childhood would entail.

The only vivid memory I have of being in this place is Ellie. She was brought into my cell one day when I was younger, with nothing said from the guards as they threw in an extra blanket and pillow. That’s when I found out that there were other children here too, not just me.

I watched as the guard closed the door and heard the lock click into place. I glanced over at the little girl who came in with me. She didn’t look at me and instead opted to claim the corner diagonally from me.

It was silent in the small cell, as if another person hadn't been put in with me and it was still just me. I kept looking at her from the corner of my eye as time passed and my position sat up on the wall. She never moved from where she was; only the occasional small hiccup was heard after a muffled sob.

The guard came back later with two trays of food that consisted of a couple pieces of bread and a small cup of water—not nearly enough to be able to healthily sustain ourselves on, but I was already used to eating like that for years.

One tray was dropped in front of me, the little water that was in the cup sloshing out over the edges onto the ground. I looked up and gave my best dirty look to the guard, but they didn’t acknowledge me. The other tray was dropped in front of the other little girl in the room. She flinched away and tried to curl into the corner she was in more, even though her body was already fully pressed against the wall.

I start to drag the tray towards me and hear the thud of the boots from the guard leaving the room, the lock clicking into place. I pick up a piece of bread and start picking off the green parts of it. I didn’t know what it was exactly, but it didn’t feel right eating it, so I made it a habit of carefully picking the parts off every time.

I started nibbling on a piece after I'd picked off the green from both pieces. I noticed movement in the corner of my eye and turned to see the girl reaching for the food on her tray after some hesitation. She looked down at the bread and also started to pick off the green parts and place them back onto the tray. I watched as she practically shoved the bread into her mouth and gulped down what she had for water.

I could visibly see that she was still hungry, so I moved my tray closer to hers after I finished the piece of bread and had some water. She jumped when she heard the scraping of the tray against the ground, as if she forgot there was someone else in the room, and finally looked up at me with wide green eyes. I nodded towards the tray and pushed it closer to her, motioning for her to take it. She just shook her head and pushed herself back into the corner she was in, her eyes still locked onto mine.

“Take it.” I insisted with a hoarse voice.

"I- I can’t, it’s yours." She said it in a small voice, shaking her head again. Her voice didn’t sound as bad as mine did, which is what would happen if you'd spent enough time here. I figured she was new and they just brought her in, and with that, I pushed the tray even closer to her, trying again to have her take the bread, but without getting so close as to scare her.

"I don’t need as much; I’m used to it." She just stared at me, as if processing my words for a moment. Then she slowly reached forward to grab the food from the tray. I let out a sigh as I leaned my head back against the wall and stared at the ceiling.

There was movement on my side, and I turned my head to see the girl standing beside me, holding out half of the piece of bread I'd given her. I opened my mouth to turn her down, but then closed it and carefully took the food out of her hand after seeing the look on her face.

I felt the corner of my mouth lift up slightly as she sat down next to me and started up a conversation.

"My name’s Ellie. What’s yours?" She spoke in more of a happier tone than what it was like earlier. I stared blankly at her question, my mind not coming up with an answer. My name? What was my name? The only answer I could come up with was the series of numbers that ‘patients’ are addressed as.

It seemed she noticed my hesitation in answering the question when she spoke up again. "Do you not have a name?" I looked at her and didn’t know what to say, so I instead opted to gently shake my head in denial.

She looked at me in confusion before a smile spread across her face. Well, that’s okay!" she said cheerfully, "we can share a name! You can have my middle name; it’s y/n; it’s not like I’m using it anyway." She finished her thought, a smile still on her face as she looked at me.

I found myself mimicking her smile while nodding my head in agreement. She clapped her hands in excitement while engaging in a different topic completely. We spent a long time talking about random things, with her mostly telling me about different things about the outside world. It was the first time in my life that I was having a full conversation with someone that wasn’t one-sided and had me enjoying the other person's company.

A tear falls down my cheek, and I work my sore arm up to wipe it off. Thinking about Ellie is the only thing in here that makes me feel anything other than pain, and I will make sure that I find out exactly what happened and who was involved.

Suddenly the door to my cell opens, and my trainer walks in with a smile on his face. I don’t match it as I stare at him with a deadpan expression.

"Come now, why the long face? I thought we were buddies." He says it in a cheerful voice, and I stare at him, not moving, with the same expression on my face. His face drops into a scowl, apparently done with playing nice for the time being.

He throws two pieces of clothing at me, and I let them hit me, still not moving. "Get dressed; I don’t have time for your shit."

"No." The first word I speak, he isn’t ready for, as he does a double take at me like he’s shocked at me saying anything. I usually don’t say anything and just move, like while getting dressed and following him to the training area. However, today I’m not feeling compliant, know I’m too sore to try and train, and don’t know how I’m going to fair.

"What did you just say?" He asks with a sneer in my direction when I don’t move right away. I know I shouldn’t push back and just do what he says, but today I don’t have the patience to pretend.

"I think you heard me and my shit." I respond, and I see his eyes visibly darken. I don’t have time to react before he’s roughly grabbing my arm and forcing me up. Pain shoots through my body as I’m forced up, and I hold in a whimper. I don’t need him to get any satisfaction from this.

“Listen here, you little bitch,” he practically spits in my face as his grip on my arm tightens even more. I can already feel the bruise forming where his hand is. He opens his mouth to say something before he’s interrupted by a voice coming from the doorway.

"Is there a problem here?" A guard passing by hears the commotion in the room and stops in the doorway. My trainer's face spreads into a smile as he turns around to face the guard. The guard has their taser out of their belt holder, holding it as if ready to attack at any moment. I go stiff as I’m attracted to the sight, knowing how that tiny stick can feel as the electricity courses through my veins. Unfortunately for me, it seems the trainer felt it.

He releases my arm and starts to walk up to the guard. “Yes, everything is fine, just a little issue with getting the equipment to cooperate." His back is turned toward me, but I can hear the smile in his voice when he talks. He walks forward and reaches his hand out to the guard. In this moment, my mind is screaming, No, no, no, please no. The next events happen in a flash as he takes the taser from the guard and strides back up to me, immediately connecting the taser to my ribcage.

I let out a cry as the electricity shoots through me, and I fall to the ground. I can feel the electricity throughout my entire body as squirm on the ground trying desperately to make it stop.

I see the trainer crouch down beside me and take ahold of my jaw, forcing me to look at him. "See what happens when you don’t cooperate?" I grit my teeth as I force out a response.

“Fuck. You.” He clicks his tongue in disapproval as he stands up and walks towards the door, giving the guard their taser back.

“I expect you to be in training in less than 20 minutes.” He then leaves the room and says something to the guard, causing them to nod and take their place standing against the wall outside the doorway to my cell.

I take my time getting up, with shocks still hitting me every once in a while. He knows I don’t know how long 20 minutes is, but I can’t bring myself to move any faster than I am. I can see the guard in the doorway from here, their hand resting on the taser in their belt, which causes me to try and move a little faster.

I move to change into the clothes that were thrown at me, cursing out the trainer in my head the whole time. The shocks from the taser have practically all disappeared by now, leaving behind fits of rage in their wake. I’m angry at the trainer for treating me like some piece of equipment he can hit and throw around when it’s not working to his standards. I’m angry at the experiments they’ve decided that I’m going to be the center of and the torture that I’ve had to grow accustomed to over the years. I’m angry at the people behind all of this, and I’m angry that I couldn’t have a life outside this lab that Ellie had told me so much about before.

I work to get dressed in my fits of rage, and throw the old clothes carelessly on the ground. There’s nothing really different about the clothes, both pairs include a shirt and pants that are all white, the training clothes maybe being a little more flexible for movement.

After I’m dressed, I walk out of the room and don’t even look at the guard by the door as I start down the hallway towards the training room, but I can hear their footsteps walking closely behind me.

The halls are long; the walls are all white and empty, with doors lining up on both sides. If you weren’t looking hard enough or were just passing by quickly, you probably wouldn’t be able to tell that there are doors here by how they blend right into the walls, with no doorknobs but light fingerprint panels built into the wall in order to open them.

Getting to the training room was a fairly long process, but you do it over and over again, and it doesn’t feel that long; you get numb to the feeling and just keep walking, and before you know it, you’re there. That’s what happens this time when I make it to the training room. I’m in front of the door in what feels like no time, and I push the door open to enter. This is the only place I’m authorized to enter like this, and I make my way towards one of the benches, ignoring my trainer standing on one of the mats in the middle of the room.

I sit down on the bench and lean forward with my elbows on my knees as I scan the room. It’s about three times the size of my cell, with various mats covering the ground. The walls are the same white color that the rest of the building is, but instead of being bare, there are walls with an assortment of different gun types and knives. However, all the weapons that are on the walls are props for show and won’t do any real damage. I learned that the hard way when training. One time I tapped into my rage and threw a throwing knife at the trainer, but instead of piercing his skin, all it did was bounce off his chest as he started to laugh at me.

Ever since that day, I have found myself not holding back my punches in retaliation, even though the trainer didn’t say anything about it. I could see that he was taken aback by some of them, especially when I got him hard in the eye once. I was particularly happy when he stumbled back from it, but I paid for it the next day when he was extra rough with me.

I watch as the trainer nods his head towards the door, and see the guard was waiting in the doorway for a signal to be released. They immediately turn to leave back down the hallway we came from after the signal from the trainer was given.

He looks at me expectingly at my place on the bench. I know I’ve been testing his patience today so I sigh, push myself up, and walk over to him. I stop when I’m in front of him, waiting for instructions.

“Today we’re doing solely hand to hand training.” He smiles at me and I know he’s still trying to push my buttons, he knows I get highly more aggressive when engaging in hand to hand combat. He’s also incredibly cocky, thinking he’s going to get away with a lot, especially since the day I got him in the eye.

He gives me no warning when he’s already taking a swing at me. I easily duck out of the way and brace myself. There’s no time to recover before he’s coming at me again. He throws swing after swing at me, and I work to dodge and block them. I can tell he’s not thinking of his movements and is just trying to get as many punches in as he can.

I take advantage of his carelessness and after he throws a certain punch, I push back. I bring my arm up to block his punch while pulling my other arm back to throw a punch into his unprotected stomach. He gets pushed back, not expecting the blow, and I jump at the opportunity to not give him the upper hand.

It’s my turn to throw punch after punch at him, and he isn’t as good as blocking them. He tries to punch back again but I don’t give him the chance to. I make sure he doesn’t get a chance to do anything but try to weakly block my advances.

He crashes to the ground after a particularly hard hit to the jaw, and he brings his arms up with a look of anger on his face. "Hey, you’re not supposed to—" he starts to say something angrily, but I cut him off as I jump on top of him and deliver a hard blow to his cheek. You could hear something pop when it happened, and his face turns to the side as blood starts to drip from his mouth.

I don’t stop as I tap into my anger and continue punching him over and over. His face quickly becomes deformed, swollen, and bloody as I don’t hold any punches back. He starts choking on his blood as he lays there, taking every single punch I throw his way. There are tears in my eyes as I start to scream my anger while still punching him.

I eventually bring myself to stop, tears still streaming down my face as I pant and look down at the beaten-up trainer below me. He’s not moving at all, as if—oh shit. I quickly bring my fingers down to his neck to check for a pulse. I wait for something, anything, but there’s nothing.

I quickly get up from the body and wipe my face with the back of my hands. Think. Think. Think. My mind is going into overdrive trying to figure out what to do. The guard would surely be back any minute; the training sessions don’t go on for that long. If they find me in here with a dead body, there will surely be drastic consequences. I can’t let them find me.

If I leave the room, I’ll be out in the open. You need restricted access to every room in the building. I’ll be stuck in the hallway, just waiting for someone to find me, unless I can get access to the doors.

I look down at the body by my feet and then up to the walls lined with the prop weapons. I quickly run up to the wall with rows of knives on it and try to find the sharpest one I can manage.

I find a switchblade that can’t be any sharper than the corner of a piece of paper, but it’ll have to do. I go back over to the lifeless body and bend down, spreading out his hand face down on the ground.

"I would say sorry, but I would be apologizing to myself for having to do this." I speak to the open air as I grip one of the fingers, holding it still, and bring the knife I have gripped in my palm up and bring it down as hard as I can. I cringe as I hear the bone in the finger crack. The finger is pushed up as the bone breaks, and I keep bringing the knife down into the skin in quick recession as blood splatters on me.

I feel the finger partly break off, and I stop striking the knife down in order to work to pull it off the rest of the way. I drop the knife and put the hand that was holding it on his arm so I can get more leverage on it. I push his arm back and pull the finger with my other hand, and the finger comes off his body with a pop. I stand up and lift up the finger in my hand, blood dripping down onto my arm from the bottom part of the finger where it was ripped off.

“Thank you for your kind contribution.” I say as I inspect the dissevered finger in my grip. I hurriedly make my way to the door to leave the training room, but the door opens before I get there, and the guard that brought me there is standing in the doorway.

@sleeperthelazy @hathay

buy me a coffee ♡

#frank castle x reader #frank castle #frank castle fic #the punisher #frank castle x you #frank castle x female reader #frank castle x y/n #slow burn #frank castle x f!reader #frank castle fanfiction #frank castle series #frank castle angst #the punisher x reader #embers fury #did i hold back writing the gore scene #only slightly #it's a frank fic gore is a given

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poppitron360 · 4 months

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PART TWO!!!!

Okay, so I’ve already posted Pt 1 of this fanfic I’m gonna keep posting it bc fuck it I’m enjoying myself.

I’m posting this all under the tag #PJO- THE NEXT GENERATION: OLYMPIA JACKSON-CHASE CHRONICLES so if you need to find the rest, that’s where to look. Not sure how many chapters there will be, as I’m still figuring out the story, but it will probably be for as long as I’m having fun writing it.

Tagging my mutuals who might be interested/ppl who seemed to like pt 1 (I’m trying to get better at tagging ppl):

@green-tea217 @123letsgobestie @fadas-are-important @imasimpdealwithit @coraldeermoon

Summary: Kind of an OC/FanChild fic about my hcs for Percabeth’s kids. VERY Leo/Nico heavy bc they’re my two favourite characters, particularly Leo. If you missed Pt 1, pls read it, but we’ve just ended on the line “I think I have news about your brother,” so ooooh chills cliffhanger scary.

TWs: Swearing, lack of smut (she is a teenager)

Disclaimers: I was between SoN and MoA when I wrote this chapter, and I am currently on HoH, so if I’ve missed anything that gets revealed later, that’s why. Also I listened to the audiobooks, so if I spell a name wrong, that’s also why, either that or I’ve spelt something the British way.

Chapter 2:

Olympia never talked about her brother. That was one thing the kids at camp didn’t know about her family. She had been five years old when he had been taken, on that stormy autumn night. She didn’t remember much, just yelling from the other room and a sound like an eagle screeching. She remembered her mom running in and scooping her up in her arms. More sounds. Her dad screaming. A sword being drawn. A baby crying. A window smashing. Her parents calling his name. She was sobbing. Her mom was holding her dad as he wept on the floor, glass shattered at his feet. Her baby brother, Tyler, was not in his cot.

They started going out every night, searching for a sign he was alive. Leo, Nico, Tyson, Grover, Rachel, Frank, Hazel- all of them helped. Olympia had begged them to take her with them too, but she was still too young. Six months passed. Nothing. A year. Two years. She didn’t know when exactly, but eventually they gave up looking. They assumed he was gone forever.

Her parents had seemed different after that. Her mother buried herself in her job, working day and night at the architecture firm so she wouldn’t have to come home to the gaping hole in their family. Her dad had tried carrying on as normal, but he’d become a broken man. The legendary Percy Jackson failed to save his own son from a monster, now his son was dead.

That’s what they had told Olympia. That was the story. But she refused to believe it. She always thought that with enough training and fighting, she could find him and bring him home. And then, they’d tell the story of the brave demigod who rescued her brother, maybe, just maybe, she’d no longer have to live as just “the daughter of Percy Jackson”, but could become her own legend.

Of course, that was only part of it. First and foremost, she wanted her brother back.

“Do you really think he’s dead?” She’d asked Leo one night, when she was about eight, while her Mom was at work and her Dad was off doing something at camp (he was often brought in as a Special Guest Speaker because he lived close to camp and was cheap, not for any other reason).

“No. Tyler’s not dead,” He replied.

She looked up, “Really?”

He nodded. “Remember that story I told you about Festus the Dragon?”

Leo was the only person she liked to hear stories from. He told them in such a funny way, she didn’t care if it was made up or exaggerated.

“Everyone thought he was super dangerous, but you fixed him and made him better, and he sacrificed himself to save you,” she recited.

“Yup. I didn’t give up on him, even though they told me it was hopeless. I’d waited ‘til I’d looked him in the eyes myself to realise it was hopeless, and then I still tried anyway,” he looked at Olympia, “I believe your brother isn’t dead until we’ve tried every possible way of proving me wrong, and then some. Your parents believe it too, but they can’t risk giving up everything they have, i.e, you, on what is most likely a hopeless case. Besides, Nico said his vision of his soul had been clouded by something- if he was just dead, why hide it?”

“I’m gonna find him someday,” Olympia said, determined.

“And I’m gonna help,” He replied.

She looked at him now, sitting on her bunk in Cabin 3.

“Wha- What news? What do you mean?”

“It’s not… it’s nothing concrete… just a rumour about an 11-year-old boy with dark hair fighting monsters with power over water,” he looked up at her, his eyes solemn, “Camp has a network of automatons looking out for potential demigods, we get alerts like this all the time, but this was different, Oly- I think… I think it might be him.”

She was speechless. All this time, she’d been telling herself she’d find him, but she’d never actually had a lead before.

“Well then, what’re you waiting for, little man?” She said, sliding on her shoes and shoving clothes into her backpack, “Let’s go find him!”

“Oly, not so fast,” he warned, jumping down from the bunk, “this kid- the message said he was pretty hardcore, the way he attacked. If he’s been running from monsters since he was a baby… I can’t think what that’s done to him.”

He put a hand on her shoulder.

“What if… what if he doesn’t want to come home?”

Olympia looked at Leo. Despite his jovial presence and cheery manner, he was dark and twisted just like the rest of them. He knew a thing or two about running away, he’d spent most of his childhood running from schools and foster homes. She knew with a sinking feeling that he might be right. She shook her head.

“We can’t let “What if’s” stop us now, you taught me that,” she said, and shouldered her backpack.

“I guess you’re right,” Leo flashed her his trademark playful grin, “Let’s go.”

The kid was apparently in Nashville, and had caused quite a scene when he’d fought off two wild dogs in the middle of a busy high street by pouring a bucket of water over them. At least, that’s what the mortals were saying online. When Olympia saw the video they’d posted, she noticed how the boy had no bucket, the wild dogs were actually wolves, and when he attacked them they hadn’t just ran away like the internet said, but had completely disintegrated.

She stared at her phone. Demigods weren’t supposed to have cellular devices, especially at camp- they acted as a beacon for monsters to find them- but Leo had found a way to scramble the signal. It wasn’t flawless, and it became more and more risky the longer you used it, but it gave Olympia an hour or so of doom-scrolling on Tumblr every day.

She replayed the video again.

“He doesn’t look anything like I’d expected him to,” she concluded.

“I dunno… he has dark hair, like you. And water powers, like you. And grey eyes, like your mom, and I guess like you as well,” Leo studied her mismatched eyes, “And the way he fights… That’s Jackson blood in his veins if I ever saw it.”

“But he’s… he’s older.”

“Yes. That’s what happens when time passes. Did you expect him to still look 10 months old?”

Leo grinned, the way he always did when he was being sarcastic. Olympia poked him, playfully, and then turned back to the paused image on the screen.

“And he’s so… thin.”

Leo nodded in agreement, “Though, somehow I doubt he’ll be showing up on the front page of Cosmo any time soon.”

She looked at Leo. He tried to hide it with baggy clothes, but she knew that his scrawny look and vertically-challenged appearance weren’t all traits he’d been born with, that the long months spent on the run with little-to-no food had definitely played a factor. He was probably a lot healthier now, but those hard years had scarred him in ways she couldn’t imagine- and had left him looking permanently emaciated. She couldn’t bear the thought of that happening to her brother when she had grown up healthy and strong.

“Come on,” she said, putting away the phone, “Let’s get Nico, and leave.”

“A quest must be undertaken by three,” he recited.

“Yes, but also he can shadow-travel so we won’t have to pay for transport.”

“And that.”

Leo’d managed to intercept the demigod alert from his automaton, and direct all other alerts straight to him so that they could track where the kid was, and so Chiron- or, gods forbid, Olympia’s dad- didn’t see them. He was smart like that, but it only delayed the inevitable. Leo reckoned it was only a matter of time before the Camp Satyrs caught up to the boy. They had to act quickly.

Nico Di Angelo was never the easiest person to find. Luckily for them, he had a soft spot for Olympia, and always made sure she was able to call on him when she needed to. Whenever she wanted help with homework, or a ride to a dangerous incognito solo monster-fighting death quest, all she had to do was knock.

She pressed her body against the floor of Cabin 3, and rapped hard on the wooden floorboards.

“Uncle Nico!!” She called, “I know you’re down there!! We need your help.”

“Boo!” Came a voice from behind them.

Leo yelped, “Holy Hephaestus, Death Boy, don’t do that!”

Nico gave him a skeletal grin. Leo took a deep breath and patted his own hair, which was smoking.

Olympia stood up, and pulled him into a tight hug. She was taller than him now, but he looked good for an 102-year-old.

“My gods, you’ve grown,” he remarked, breathing in her warm smell. His skin was icy cold and pale.

“You’ve been spending too much time in the underworld,” she said, “get some sun in you, man.”

“Oh I think he is getting some Sun in him, if you know what I mean,” Leo winked and turned to Nico, “Hey, Nico, how’s Will?”

Nico ignored the question, “Whatever it is you want me to do, I hope I don’t have to put up with hotshot over here the whole time.” He jabbed a thumb in Leo’s direction.

“Hey!” Leo cried, offended.

Olympia rolled her eyes.

“I need you to take us to Nashville,” she said, “Leo thinks my brother might be there.”

An anguished expression played across Nico’s face.

“T-Tyler?” He asked, “You really think-“

“Yes. We do,” Leo said, confidently. They proceeded to fill him in on everything, even showing him the video on Olympia’s phone.

Nico’s face hardened.

“Right then. I will absolutely do anything I can to help. Nashville, you say? Peace of cake.”

He cracked his knuckles and rolled his head, like he was warming up for something. He then held out both hands, expecting them to take them. Olympia obliged.

“Do I have to?” Leo moaned.

“Don’t worry, Fire Guy, this won’t get gay,” Nico assured him.

“It’s not that,” Leo replied, “Your hands are just weird and cold. And small.”

“You’re one to talk,” he retorted, “I’d much rather just take Olympia, so if you want to be left behind, I’m sure-“

“Fine,” Leo groaned, and took Nico’s hand.

And then the world caved in.

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sqtorux · 4 months

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🫁 hello friend! i only have one (1) thing due tonight so i fully caught up on your works as a means of procrastinating <3 this ask is only about your two most recent posts for the sake of brevity + not spending too much time since i promised myself to get back on the grind after sending this lmao

‘fuzzy menace’ … my favourite thing is asking you to guess my fav parts even though 1) you’re never given an opportunity to guess and 2) it’s always the same characters. anyways it’s nanami and toji.

“what’s this gentleman doing on my side of the bed i wonder?” fdkshfds ,,, great start tbh and it’s SO NANAMI. nanami tends to be (understandably!) portrayed very seriously, so seeing a more playful (albeit still stoic) side of him here was a pleasure <3 he sounds a little teasing too ?? my lord. the first line is obvi my fav but “absolutely. how outrageous.” is a close second !! short but sweet, and his voice is so strong through out it <3 look at my man watch him go!

toji is the complete opposite in energy and i fw it so much. reader and toji are always giving each other soo much shit (even if on this occasion it’s predominantly him). the switch from toji to bald toji is so … it’s so him but it was truly awful to witness. i have 1 (many) fear(s) and it’s my fav character getting hit with the jason todd special (ugly haircuts. usually a buzzcut.) toji is realising my worst nightmare rn.”fuck does he think he is smirking like that on your bed” he’s so dumb LMAO. look at that little hypocrite go.

‘look at you go’. guess my fav parts. one day i’m going to make you guess and not tell you and comment on every individual piece. it’s suguru and toji.

now is it any surprise i’m in love with suguru … “can you dance again for me princess?” i’m not even big on pet names but lordy lord hello saviour. fun fact but i LOVE dancing even though i haven’t taken lessons since i was 13 (i’ve been considering picking it back up ?? i’m not sure though, i feel like since i’m an adult it’s too late to get back into old hobbies i’ve fallen out of and take lessons, yk? plus it's so expensive ...) having that shit recorded would be mortifying i don’t blame reader in these pieces at all. “you’ll keep asking if i give in just once” to “then you can give in again and again yeah?” kill me RIGHT NOW. oh my lord. i would give in too.

sorry i would write on toji but !! ugh my brain is fried. you can probably tell since there’s a lot of personal interjections this time ,,, also suguru has been haunting my brain the past week. i want to write something for him so bad but i’ve had no ideas ?? it’s so annoying. also i’ve been too busy with schoolwork to sit down and write anything

looking back. god this ask is so long.

RAHHH ITS LUNG ANON

you're ... reading,, my shit.. during a break... THATS A HUGE HONOUR GR breaks are for only the most enjoyable stuff bc it's limited and the impeding doom of working awaits but you chose to read the stuff here omfg i will scream at your face (lovingly).

if you made me guess your faves id always go with the big three (suguru, nanami and toji) bc i know you like wdym anon we've known each other since our uterus debutation obviously.

ALSO YOU DANCE let's gooo!!! i do too and just like you, i haven't danced in a while but im broke as fuck so im self taught filming covers back in those days ah. hobbies as an adult are so hard for real, adulting is hard where is the return ticket i would like to be a tween again i know what to do this time. i think.

maybe when your workload becomes a little lighter you could type out the suguru thoughts plaguing your mind ;)

#🫁 anon

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sharkpupsblog · 2 years

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😈 Brand New Person ‼️ PART (1/6)

A Dark Riders and Dark Rider! Aideen! GN! Reader fanfic!

Hi!!! 😭😭😭 it’s been so long since I’ve been able to post a fic and my app is glitching so I’m posting this from the browser rn 💀 its so hard for me to post anything from the browser I hope my app gets fixed soon 😭 I edited the grammar by myself again so pls let me know how that went! English isn’t my first language so i’m trying to get better at grammar 😭💔 anyways this will have many silly parts.. how many? I think 3? I am going for 3! But if I go over it that’s totally cool bcs I love writing so silly!!! tysm @ barricade-moonriser for the request!!! :D so sorry it took so long 😭💔

Summary: after being left behind by your friends to die you make a big decision. Warnings: explosion, injuries caused by the explosion and talks of them.

Your ears ring and your body hurts as you try to get up. You slip, and fall onto your knees making the pain in your legs and body worse. You let out a quiet weak scream your throat hurts the pain doesn’t allow you to be loud. One leg hurts more than the other you’re sure its broken due to the horrible pain in it. You look around trying to call for someone, but your throat still doesn’t allow you to do more than whisper. You’re cold and scared and you can’t see anything because a bunch of smoke covers where you are. All of the smoke came from a small explosion of Drakonium. You were in the valley gathering it with your friends then the Dark Riders came wanting what you were gathering. Everything went downhill from there. All you could remember from before the explosion was Alex aiming for Jay, the attack missing said woman, and hitting a pile near you causing it to explode. Thankfully, your horse wasn’t with you they were with Lisa so only you got hurt… Your horse… You wondered if they were still around. You opened your mouth trying to call out for them, but you couldn’t manage more than a whisper. You tried again still failing to raise your voice. You needed your horse to be able get out of where you were. You were hurt and in the Valley of the Hidden Dinosaur. If you didn’t find a way out of the Valley soon you would most likely freeze to death, or be prey to any predators around. The thought of death scared you, so you called for your horse again. When you realized there was no point in calling out since your horse wouldn’t hear your weak whispered calls you burst into tears. You were scared, cold, and hurt so you cried not knowing what else to do. You hugged yourself trying to keep warm, and you thought about what to do. You sat on the ice shaking, and crying as you tried to come up with something. While you cried your ears were slowly recovering from the ringing, but you feared that it wouldn’t completely go away. The explosion must have really messed you up. You wiped your tears, but they kept on coming you were unable to calm yourself. As you tried to at least stop shivering you heard something hidden in the smoke. “Poor little Soul Rider” you heard a sad tone in the voice “left all alone in the cold.” You looked around trying to figure out where the voice was coming from your shaking getting worse as a stronger fear hit you. “I saw your friends leave you” the voice was getting closer “they didn’t even look back as they rode away leaving you behind to die” that couldn’t be true. There was no way your friends left you. Surely the voice had it all wrong your friends were coming back soon with help… right? “How long has it been?” The voice asked you, and you had no idea what it was talking about. “Since you woke up all alone out here in the cold?” You frowned knowing it had been a while… As much as you’d like to say they were… The truth was your friends weren’t coming back for you “they’re not coming back for you are they?” Did the person to whom the voice belonged to read your mind somehow? “They left you.” The voice went quiet, and for a few seconds you heard nothing… Then you heard hooves on ice, and you smiled widely as you saw your horse run out of the smoke. Your horse neighed carefully running to you and once they got near you they slid to a stop sliding right next to you. You let out a quiet raspy laugh as your horse stopped themselves from sliding, and they sniffed you messing with your hair. You stopped crying as you were comforted by your horse and the thought that you could now get out of the valley. You were so busy with your horse, and the hope of survival that you didn’t realize the source of the voice was behind you. “Are you hurt?”

You jumped as the voice spoke from behind you receiving a worser scare when you saw to whom the voice belonged to. Katja stood over you looking down at you she saw how scared you were, and she knew she needed to be careful. “Are you hurt?” She repeated to you watching as your expression went from scared to an attempt at looking like you were still strong and ready to fight her, but she knew that beneath your stupid attempt at being threatening you were scared and wounded. “You can stop pretending” her palm glowed blue as she gathered magic to heal you “I know how you truly feel and if I wanted to hurt you, I would have done so earlier.” Your horse neighed softly, and you were shocked losing your try at a threatening expression as they used their snout to push you near Katja. Why was your horse doing this? Had Katja brainwashed them or something? “I found your horse for you” Katja looked annoyed, and she took a pause before saying “You’re welcome by the way” in a slightly angry tone. She kneeled down in front of you trying to be at your level in an attempt to look less threatening. The woman knew it worked when you relaxed a bit, and you opened your mouth to speak “thank you” you rasped out to her earning a pleased hum from Katja. Why were you saying thank you to your enemy? What the hell was wrong with you? Maybe the cold and the explosion affected you more than you knew. You watched as Katja put the hand with magic in it near you. You scooted back a bit not knowing whether to allow her to work her magic or to use your other leg to kick her away. “I can heal you” she saw how badly your leg was hurt “I assure you I have no evil intention.” You looked back at your horse, and they neighed bobbing their head up and down as if they were saying ‘you can trust her.’ Katja watched your horse as you decided what to do. You decided to let her heal you. You were desperate to get out of the cold, and to stop the pain in your leg, so you asked Katja to please help you. The witch healed your leg, and once you were ready, she helped you stand up telling you that you were free to go, and that she really didn’t want anything from you, but to her surprise you stayed. You were grateful for what Katja did for you and your horse. She could have killed you, but she helped you, and after she told you how your friends left you out in the cold to die you were sure you didn’t want to go back to them. The witch had done more for you than your “friends” had, and you were extremely grateful. “You can come with me” Katja was moving onto the next part of the plan she didn’t do all this from the kindness of her heart. She was following a plan made by Jay to get you to join their side “you can join the Dark Riders” she knew who you were Sands had told everyone… They all knew Aideen walked Jorvik again. “We will care for you I’ll heal you everytime you get hurt I won’t leave you” she held a hand out. The hand was covered by her sleeve protecting you from frostbite. “What do you say? Will you join us?” You stood still for a second processing her offer, and after all she had done for you how could you refuse? You walked forward shaking her hand accepting the offer. You and your horse were now part of Garnok’s team.

TY FOR READING !!! ❤️😭 ALSO POSTING AND EDITING ON THE BROWSER IS SO HARD . I NEED MY APP TO BE FIXED NOW BCS THERES NO WAY IM DOING THIS EACH TIME I POST SILLY FIC 😭😭😭😭

#ssoblr #ssofanfic #star stable online #katjasso #sharkpupsblogwrites!‼️🗣

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callmemana · 2 years

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Arms May Be Wide Open, But The Brain Cells Aren’t There: #18

Mouse: Lucky, how do you manage to look so cool all of the time? It’s honestly really annoying.

Lucky: I bottle up my emotions, internally scream, and pretend like I’m fine.

Lucky: quite simple, actually.

Ice: *literally anyone in the family makes the smallest of noises*

Ice: okay this is where I leave.

Ice: see y’all never.

Ice: *holding peace signs* Thomas Iceman Kazansky out

Ice: if any of you need me…

Ice: just stop needing me

Lucky: you were stabbed. Do you remember anything?

Birdie: only the ambulance ride to the hospital.

Lucky: that wasn’t an ambulance, the rescue heli picked you up.

Birdie: but I heard a siren.

Phoenix: that was Hangman screaming.

Hangman: I’m sorry, I got nervous.

[during dinner]

Fanboy: Lucky, stop rubbing my leg.

Lucky: I’m not rubbing your leg.

Omaha: *chokes* that’s your leg?

Fanboy: of course! Whose leg are you trying to rub?

Omaha: …

Lucky: wait… were you trying to rub my sister’s leg? MY SISTER?

Omaha: *panic*

Dragon: welcome back to another episode of Keeping Up with the Chaos.

Whiskey: when we left off, Lucky had pissed off Cyclone, Mouse had a first date with Omaha, Birdie stressed baked for two days straight and cried when she ran out of ingredients, Cinco got into a bar fight, and Spicy was getting ready for a movie night with her husband.

Dragon: on this episode we will wait for our husbands, boyfriends, and adopted fathers to return as Whiskey and I hide.

Dragon: if anyone needs me, I’ll be in my office hiding under my desk. *runs to office*

Whiskey: and if anyone needs me, I’ll be hiding in my house with the door locked and dead bolted so I can save myself from my angry husband. *runs off*

Bob: I’m an awful person I deserve death and nothing please kill me.

Also Bob: Fanboy…

Fanboy: yes, I will eat popcorn and have a Star Wars marathon with you and talk to you about you.

Bob: thank you, I love you.

Bob: Birdie thinks I am super cool just bc I don’t use pet names for her. I literally don’t know how these work!

Birdie: *walks into the room*

Rooster: *to Bob* what do bees make ?

Bob: Bzzz

Fanboy: no, it’s honey!

Birdie: *friendly* yes, Fanboy lovely?

Bob:

Fanboy:

Rooster:

Bob: oh that worked out great, thanks for the help you guys!

[bird comes home after going to store]

Bob: …

Birdie: …

Bob: when and where did you get the cat?

Birdie: when I just went out

Bob: you went to target

Birdie: yes…

Bob: …

Bob: you went there for CHIPS.

Birdie: …

Bob: *face palms and sighs loudly* did you at least get the chips?

Birdie: …

Birdie: *holds up tabby cat* his name is Chips.

Hangman: I will speak French between your legs.

Cinco: that’s the hottest thing I’ve ever been told.

Spicy: I’m just imagining someone screaming ‘bonjour’ to a penis.

Birdie: SACRE BLEAU MADEMOISELLE VAGINA HON HON HON TITTY CROISSANTS.

Mouse: *wheezing* TITTY CROISSANTS

Dragon: none of you should ever be having sex.

Hangman: hold on. I’m having one of those things… a headache with pictures?

Lucky: holy shit!

Cinco: he’s having an idea!

Dragon’s Angels📻: @gracespicybradshaw @bayisdying @breadsquash @mrsjaderogers @starlit-epiphany @dragon-kazansky

🏷️ list: @luckyladycreator2

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comfortfrogblog · 2 years

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hi :). I'm just here bc I'm having a bit of religious crisis. I'm a 16 y.o girl (like you). I was raised in a Catholic Church, but my mom is actually orthodox (long story). anyway, my mom decided in 2021 that we were going to start going to Orthodox Church, and I agreed bc I didn't really have another choice.

I never really prayed a lot. I think I used to believe in God in a sort of lazy way - I never really prayed or thanked Him, and I was just kind of passive in my belief, if that makes sense. recently, I haven't been doing very well at all mentally, and I kind of just stopped believing in God. I think this was partly brought on by the fact that the orthodox church has some shitty rules (divorce=bad, gay=bad, abortion=bad, etc), and I didn't want to be a part of something that encouraged that kind of exclusivity. I also just don't have a good home life at all - I've always been very lonely, and it just seems like there's a lot of pain in the world, and a lot of bad people that just keep on living. I know I'm just making excuses here, but what I'm trying to say is that I want to believe that God exists, I really do, but I just can't. when I try to pray, I just feel like I'm screaming into a great apathetic black void. my question is, have you ever had a religious crisis like this? and if you have, could you explain how you overcame it? thank you so much. your blog is wonderful :)

ahhh absolutely—im going through one right now lol. in fact, i’d say im constantly going through a religious crisis of sorts. sometimes i dont know whether i should even be allowed to call myself a christian if i struggle this much, but i’ve kind of figured out that struggling is actually the point.

we can never be perfect in our faith. even the most faithful and religious people you know have their flaws and stray from god every single day—we are sinful in nature. but christ paid for our sins with his blood so that we could have eternity with the lord, so that we may be forgiven, so that we may experience the greatest love that there is. im still struggling with this concept—the fact that there is a god who loves us so much that he sent his son to us, and this man died for us. he was crucified and tortured so that we may be saved. jesus was a real person—the most perfect person to ever exist. the savior, the king, the servant.

but i dont deserve that, i tell myself. and im right, actually. none of us deserved it. none of us deserve to be saved, none of us actually deserve to have good things. but that is the point, isn’t it? that god is so merciful he sent his son to die for us, when we never deserved it in the first place? he wants to be with us and have a relationship with us so much that he would forgive our sins and welcome us home. it is because of christ that we are saved and forgiven—not because of our inherent goodness. we have inherent value, but we are not inherently good. christ is the ultimate love, the ultimate good, the ultimate and overarching and sovereign king. so we do not have to grieve over being undeserving; instead, we can rejoice that he provides for us and loves us regardless.

christianity is not easy. it’s not supposed to be—we are called to take up our own crosses and follow jesus. we suffer, we struggle, we hurt, we cry out, we question. it is good to question—we are curious creatures, and it is natural that we long to know the god who loves us. ask, wonder, question. it is okay to go through periods of rocky faith—every single christian that has ever lived has been through the same problem.

but even in our darkest times, when we feel we cannot hear the lord and we think he has forsaken us, he has not. he is crying out for you. he wants you to come running to him. he will always provide for you, and he will always make a way. i have to say that what you said about feeling like you’re crying out into a black void struck me deep—i’ve often thought the same exact thing. but i’ve seen it in the lives of those around me that the more that you try, the more you question, the more you want, the closer you come to seeing what God wants you to see.

and if it’s worth anything, the deepest and most heart-wrenching sentiment i’ve felt my whole life is that of wanting to want him. i want to want to believe, but i still feel the indifference in my heart. i think the answer is to keep trying, keep praying; reach out to people you trust who can give you guidance. the desires of your heart will reflect in your actions—if you really, really want to believe, stop running away. you might not even know you’re running away. we often think we’re the ones chasing God, but the truth is that he is chasing after you. he loves you and wants to be in relationship with you.

#asks #christianity #cathy comforts #also i should mention im baptist so i do apologize if any of this disagrees with your doctrine—it is not my intention to force the customs o #of my denomination on anyone

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maladaptations · 6 months

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adhd meds are a gift from god science. thank you so much meds. i feel like a had a fulfilling day even though all i did was go to work, send 2 emails, go to class, and get takeout dinner. this is the first time I’ve ever had a thought to do something and then executed it without agonizing over it/stressing about doing it/ultimately not doing it bc it was making me upset & stress and more distracted.

is this how everyone else has been living? to think and then simply do? to simply email the nice comic shop store 2 questions that have been festering in the back of your head for 2 weeks… and then they respond within 30 minutes resolving everything? how much time and stress have i produced for myself… because of myself?

why is adhd so stigmatized that parents would rather it be left undiagnosed and untreated because of their own personal shame—that they didn’t create a perfect child or that their friends & family may think they have a crazy, broken kid. (well if you never tell them, they’d never know. how about tell yourself to shut up? how about care about your child and keep private personal stuff private?). neglecting something that has been actively and systematically made my life so difficult and miserable and increasingly unbearable… to fight your brain, to fight your body, to fight your own will to get you to do anything. to have all your wants and hobbies and joy be killed by your own brain. nothing was fun. anything worth doing was because people expected this thing by this date. doing something for yourself, though? never worth it because you’re your own unreliable narrator.

now on meds, i can’t believe life would be this way. that life wasn’t always a committee of 100 people where no matter consensus everyone was unhappy. that my mind could be quiet? that my mind listened to me? 😭 that my mind could care about what i wanted for once?? (i will need to reserve more time to cry about those last 2 sentences.) …for so long i was… almost happier when people didn’t understand what i was saying—distant tangents and obscure/esoteric examples and unknowingly speaking in metaphors and riddles— because if people couldn’t understand, they couldn’t judge… but either way, it showed they’d never cared to listen for what i was trying to say. to speak the same language but not be heard. may as well have been screaming into the wind. may as well have been a ghost.

well, now i can speak. i could speak before, of course, but now i can be heard. what will i do with this new superpower! for the first time in my life i have agency over my own agency! wow

i think. i think i want to crack open that textbook i bought myself 6 years ago when i wanted to learn about XYZ. I’ve bought myself countless presents over the years (entreatments/bribes to myself to be kinder to myself). they never felt as satisfying as the journey it was research and buy them, but now tho! now with my new brain, im actually excited! to smell paper, to learn something new and purely for myself and my own weird interests! to have knowledge in my brain purely for myself and not for work! to keep a piece of myself for me and me alone! what a treat. oh baby. this is a whole new world.

#days #adhd #bolded the bits i liked best #i cried but i’ll be okay

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hawkepockets · 8 months

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Melantho questions! Was Melantho interested in/involved with Tamlen pre-mirror? What's Melatho's opinions on humans vs elves (and dwarves if applicable). Opinions on magic/mages/spirits/demons? I'm interested in learning these things as the story goes on but I'm wondering if you know anything upfront/that you want to share upfront.

ahh you read my mind, the first two were exactly what i was thinking about for her!! & #3 is a great question 🫶

☝️ yes, mela & tamlen were involved! they were each other’s best friends, worst puppy crushes, and first time. it was a match the clan really approved of too, and although their elders never deliberately put pressure on them to wed, mel & tamlen still felt it.

but as a couple, they didn’t quite work. tamlen would do anything for melantho. he was too pliable & sweet to keep a pilot flame of attraction lit between them. add in merrill, and now you’re cooking.

having her girl rival on one arm and her boy protector on the other kept mela challenged and interested. it wasn’t a mature, sexual poly relationship yet—they were all too young, and mostly just teased each other with kisses and fell asleep in a pile like kittens, but they might have been if not for the mirror.

marethari did not encourage all three of them bonding. merrill was her First, tamlen was paivel’s favorite student of lore, and melantho was ilen’s apprentice. if the trio were to follow in their mentors’ footsteps as adults, clan sabrae would have a keeper, hahren, and master craftsman that were romantically & sexually bonded, taking each others’ sides against the rest of the clan or turning on each other in the case of marriage troubles… an unpleasant & unstable concentration of power. no, far better to keep ambitious, magical merrill out of it. a future hahren & apprentice craftsman being sweet on each other was not much threat to anybody.

but if merrill had been there when the eluvian was found, maybe the girls could have held tamlen back from touching it—or maybe there just would have been that much more hunger and curiosity in the room, and one more body tainted by the mirror.

✌️ melantho HATES humans. i’ve seen some criticism of clan sabrae, and marethari & ashalle in particular (bc of their close involvement with mahariel but also, if we’re tbh, their being women) for withholding the truth about what happened to mahariel’s parents until they were grown, and i agree that was hurtful & contrived for shock value… but it did make me ask myself what if they’d been right to keep it secret?

so melantho was told, very young, that her parents had run afoul of the shemlen & been killed in a random, common act of human violence, and that wrenched, tore, and twisted at her from when she was a child. it changed the shape of her heart. and while everyone in sabrae has a healthy wariness/resentment of humans, mela’s intensity about it is alarming and out of line. it comes over her like a fever sometimes, killing her lively personality, lighting up her eyes, and making her hiss and spit at anyone who so much as sighs out loud about the clan needing to relocate so much. even her little sister leidy avoids her when she’s in that temper.

tamlen & melantho killed all three men who found the eluvian ruins, and duncan really did need to drag her kicking and screaming to ostagar. she’s mean and impertinent, assuming the worst of every shem she meets there right up to their king. and the night of her joining, before the battle, alistair caught her in the act of poisoning the soldiers’ cookpot with what was left of the darkspawn blood, and had to restrain her from setting loghain’s tent on fire… which he might soon come to regret.

she hasn’t met a dwarf yet, but all she’s heard about them, as inventors of enchanted items & berserker rage, makes them sound very impressive and strange.

✌️☝️ melantho knows magic is dangerous, but had never heard about the chantry’s dogma about it before meeting alistair & the tranquil at ostagar, and it completely takes her aback. she thinks of demons and possessed people like rabid animals—sick predators, something you come across on rare, unlucky occasions in the wilds, something to be mercy killed from a distance if possible but not approached. sure they’re frightening. no need to get idealogical about it. and she associates them with locations haunted by elven tragedies, not with mages.

merrill, leidy, and marethari are mages, and they’re precious to the clan, and to her. even fearmongering about blood magic and darkspawn magisters makes little impression on mel. her mages know what they’re doing, and it’s not the business of an ordinary hunter/crafter to judge their choice of spells. as for blackening the seat of the maker, creating darkspawn, locking each other up in towers and branding each other’s foreheads… well that all just seems like shemlen acting badly.

she may get more invested later ;-)

#ty for asking!!!#dragon age #dao #oc: melantho #oc: leidy #mahariel #dao tamlen #merill sabrae #keeper marethari #answers

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delicatetragedies2 · 1 year

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Major Tw ⚠️ Bad Home Life and anything Self Deprecating + Death⚠️

Last post was all over the place. But here I am again… too instead talk about one thing. My home life.

For my whole life I’ve never truly had a stable place to call home. When I was younger I was a little more oblivious to this but the older I got the more miserable I became.

First it was with my mom and stepdad. They hardly ever got along and because of the constant fighting and yelling I grew this hatred and resentment. I used to tell him I hated him during the fights. It would make me feel guilty after but I 11-12 at the time. Just days before my 15th birthday I was the one to come home and find my step dad in the garage on the floor. He committed un-alive and wasn’t able to be saved. It was too late.

About a year later my mom had crawled her way back up and thought she could start over. Get a better life. She started going on dates, getting to know people. Then one day, I’m just supposed to accept and man moving it. I have no idea who he is, but oh boy would I learn. This man, my mom still current boyfriend, raised absolute fucking hell. He’s an alcoholic who thrives on putting people down. I’m 19 now. And still deal with his shit. He ruined the last years of my adolescence and minority. He’s traumatized me to the point I can’t even take my dog barking without my heart jumping to my throat.

This man has thrown things, kicked things, broken things, abused my mom, tried hurting my dog, told me if I brought a kitten home he’d kill it, etc. he’s called my mom and I a bitch. He tells his daughter and me that we’re lazy and do nothing around the house even though he’s The one that hides outside all day to drink after work.

My mom had a baby with him, so now I have a baby brother I feel inclined to protect. This whole situation has made me fall back into old habits. I hide in my room, let it go to filth, sh, can’t eat properly, and cry almost every night. I’ve grown so suicidal, but can’t stand the thought of sitting back beyond the grave knowing my little brother and mother could get abused or even killed.

This man has gotten in my face multiple times that I’ve had to kick him, smack him and scream at him to get away. It’s been to the point that my fiancé has had to block this man from getting too close to me. This man terrified me… and yet my mom says she just pushes his buttons too much. That she pushes things to this point. She blames herself and won’t acknowledge that. She keeps looking for the best in this man because when he doesn’t drink he’s a good person. What she doesn’t understand is that he always goes back to the drink. He always turns to it despite knowing he could have a great life without it. Him and those drinks are who he is. He’s not a nice guy she hopes for.

I’m so done, you know? If I had a way out I’d leave. If I didn’t have a little brother I’d leave. One way or another. But I can’t. I will never forgive myself. So here I am. Hating this man’s guts. I can’t pretend anymore that he’s family. That I like him. That he’s a good person. He makes me sick to my stomach and I want to avoid him at all costs.

What I can’t get over his how hes brought up my dead step father over and over. He always makes us feel like shit bc he says it’s our fault. And on top of that, he will purposely walk around the house with a knife to slit his wrists infront of us. He’ll saunter in a room and just do it like it’s not big deal. Then he’ll mock me and say, “how did you stop? What made you stop? You used to do it sooo much.”

He was never around for the horrid times, and I go out of my way to be miserable to hide it. Like, sorry I have scars. It’s just so triggering that I’m starting it up again. All bc of him.

I literally have nightmares now that he’s killing my mom and I can’t move fast enough or get to her room. Recently I had such a vivid one that her blood curdling screams literally had me waking up in a sweat with the cries ringing through my ear. In the dream all I wanted was for it to stop. For things to not be real. And by the time I woke up, I was in shambles.

I hate my life.

… Also. Just a little extra thing I can never tell anyone. Not even my mother. One night the dude was drunk and I had went out to the garage stupidly. I am lucky nothing happened to me but on that night I was wearing a nightgown and the dude made me sit next to him and kept telling me how I look like my mother. How I’m so beautiful. He kept holding my hands and touched the end of my nightgown. This was so long ago now that it’s irrelevant but it’s stuck with me to this day that it’s just another reason this guy scares me… (And I guess what confuses me after such and interaction is how he is so overprotective if a man even exhibits pedo like actions. Idk if I’m reading too far into that interaction.) All I know is I can hardly stand him after everything.

#toxic people #toxicity #abusiveboyfriend #narcissistic abuse #tw abuse #tw self destructive behavior #i'm so fucking tired #mentally fucked #i am severely unwell #family problems #dont report just ignore #dont report just block #dont report pls #just block me

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itsamatterofmind · 2 years

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Disruptive thoughts layer past experiences onto the present moment.

I, unfortunately, have relationship trauma. And because of this I was looking at the world through a shattered window. I never realized it until I tried to enter another relationship after three years of being away from my abusive ex. I will from here on out call him “My Qualifier” or “My Q” I will explain more about that later. It will be titled “My Q”

When I entered into a new relationship that is when I realized I have been DROWNING unconsciously in fear. And not just in relationships but in LIFE. My whole life was stuck because of fear. I am not a fearful person. I dont ask for external validation but with everything I was experiencing it was so heavy that I sought from friends who I know would give me the cold hard truth. Even if it isnt what I want to hear, “Who am I?” They knew be before the trauma so asking them I feel I could get a clearer view on how much I've changed. It was depressing to say the least that everyone I asked mentioned all of the qualities I no longer lived through. This was a call to action. When I finally became aware that my mind had been so distorted I realized that I was screaming inside, and my inner child was slowly suffocating. I am freeing her now through re-framing my mind, and looking towards God. I couldn't continue on the way I was living I was heavy, mean, and suspicious of everything, but why? I've never been this way before? I was stuck in confusion and it showed through the steps I took in life, and how I reacted to situations that I could’ve responded to better. I stopped giving myself the care that I needed, and I was punishing myself and my opportunities because of the way someone treated me. My ego had me trapped in this vicious cycle of karmic fire, and because my ego was in control I was operating in deceptive ways. Something had to be done about this, and God was waiting for an invitation from me; I know this because I see it. As soon as I realized my disconnection from God and sought ways of connecting with God my view of life is transforming. I am no longer holding on to past pain, and I feel much lighter. It is through forgiveness that has helped me feel at ease again. 7 years of being trapped is much too long and I dont want to feel guilty about it being that much time because life is short and time is precious. Thankfully, time does not exist, we have this moment and that is it. Celebrate this moment and let it go, forgive it if it needs forgiving and help each other heal through forgiveness. It takes time, and it is a concept that your ego just will not allow, but the great thing about that is acknowledging the ways in which your ego disrupts your life, awareness is the first step, the next step is surrendering what you think you know about life. I had serious control issues after the trauma because WTF WAS THAT? My Q’s mom would always say “you are a safe space for him, and he will keep coming back.” I would cry out “Please tell him to LEAVE ME ALONE” but still, he came back. I hated my life in those moments but God never failed to show me that I am on the correct path, and soon my pain would end.

After starting to date someone new I was experiencing nightmares, panic attacks, waking up sweating, crying a lot, and I just couldnt understand WTF was happening because this guy was great. I couldnt understand why I was ripping this connection to shreds. Why am I destroying this beautiful connection when all I want is to hold his hand and walk into the future together? It was disturbing.

I was disturbed, and I immediately sought help in anyway I could, and anything that remotely promoted healing I was ON it or signing up for it. I will discuss these healing modalities at a later time because they were great help to rebuilding my sense of peace and safety.

I kept trying to explain something I didnt even understand (and I went through it) to someone who never experienced it. It is unfortunate bc I felt like I was just coming across crazy, and that I would never heal from this but with determination you can overcome anything. I am currently overcoming this and it is beautiful!!! I was never meant to be here for long. I was supposed to learn these important lessons to solidify what my purpose in life is, I know that this particular situation is in alignment with what God has planned for me because I can feel it. The more I heal the more the path opens for me. I am destined to help others who went through a similar situation and reach my hand, and my heart out to them to get them out of the darkness they suffer from daily. The deception I was operating in WAS this. It was continuing to walk through life thinking “I guess this is just who I am now because of _______ this.” No. that is never the case. The thorn is a gift, and I never understood that until I started healing my connection with God. Now I no longer suffer everyday from the weight that I was carrying around, and everyday I now look for opportunities to learn, and to forgive and I feel blessed that I am strong enough to see this trauma as an opportunity to grow. I never thought I would be here. I am no longer suffocating from what was done to me and I am freeing my inner child so she can come out and play with the world around me.

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meyeheart · 2 years

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Rabbit people can be p insane sometimes abt educating others on pet rabbit care (myself included) but it’s at least partially bc good rabbit care is sooo misunderstood. I’ve been thinking abt this post I saw a couple weeks back where someone (who had previously owned rabbits) claimed that the best way to keep rabbits was in wire cages. Which ummmm ???!! Good luck finding any reputable bunny rescues or orgs that agree with that. They also discussed how, in their opinion, rabbits shouldn’t be bonded bc they have to be neutered/spayed first in order to be successfully bonded. And since neutering/spaying is an ‘unnatural’ process, that means that bonding rabbits together is unnatural and therefore should never be done. This is the most baffling take I’ve ever even seen abt rabbit care.

Rabbit bonding is a complicated process for sure, and is not always going to be successful, even if both rabbits are neutered/spayed. A person has to be decently experienced with rabbits and knowledgeable abt bonding to be able to conduct the process safely. But to say that 1) it should never be done and 2) it’s unnatural, is a super weird and harmful over exaggeration. Obviously they’re relying on the naturalistic fallacy, which is so 🤨. Almost all pet dogs and cats get neutered/spayed to help with aggression. My 3 dogs would not be able to live in the same household if they were not neutered. Why is it suddenly a problems if rabbits have to get neutered/ spayed to live together? Contrary to a common belief, domesticated rabbits are quite genetically and behaviorally* different from wild rabbits. If their point of comparison for what a ‘natural’ rabbit should look and act like is a wild rabbit, then the premise was flawed from the start. Neutering and spaying is not only smth that’s completely safe to do to rabbits, it’s smth that should be done to all pet rabbits. Not only does it help with aggressive/ territorial behavior, there is currently a huge problem with the oversaturated breeder market.

And see, you might be thinking that this post I’m discussing is just an extreme fringe opinion abt rabbit care, but unfortunately the topic of rabbit bonding is a pretty consistent point of discourse amongst rabbit owners and this particular post had many people agreeing with them in the notes so. Scream. People commonly think that pet rabbits are completely docile with no boundaries, or their aggressive/territorial behavior gets over sensationalized** ://///

#*im not trying to implie that are no similarities in their behavior. but there are as many or more differences than there similarities #** rabbits can and will become aggressive if they are not raised in a proper environment and their boundaries are not respected #this is something that applies to most animals tho sooo I don’t rlly see how it’s such a big deal when we’re talking abt rabbits #I mean I think this kind of opinion occurs bc any aggression from rabbits is seen as a complete reversal from the narrative that rabbits #are completely docile and therefore ppl view as v shocking. hence why I used the word over sensationalized #anywaysss I’m not going to @ the original poster or anything bc I don’t want drama #feel free to ask me anything abt rabbit care tho. I’d be happy to answer #hearteyes #ignore that I spelled ‘imply’ wrong in the tags. I’m not going back to fix it now lol

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springvaletales · 2 years

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((Session 41 is wrapped!))

Most of the party started off with the reading homework (re: written exposition that had to happen but that I didn’t want to use up session time to work through) bc nobody read it before class. I did the same thing all through high school so I can’t be mad.

Bagelby’s PC had to let go of their dog this past week, so we spent half an hour sharing beloved pet stories to help cheer them up.

“It’s, like, three pages long!”

“Listen, listen, I was on a roll.”

We waffled back and forth for a minute on whether Bagelby would be a wizard or a warlock, but ultimately settled on a wizard.

“Bagel is very much a cash up front kind of guy.”

“I don’t think Bagel even knows what cash is.”

Ena’s Player, to Lex’s Player, to catch her up: “Velenna and the Taker are about to have a custody argument over Michael.”

“Bagel is tripping on slugs while trying to read a book about magic.”

Sir Carl Jaeger moved to sit between Velenna and the Taker to prevent them from fighting.

Ena, just wanting answers: “WHY AM I PURPLE?!”

Velenna, unimpressed: “Because I fucked someone millennia ago and you’re related to them.”

The party, collectively: *gasps in horror*

Ena, sputtering: “Wh-. Why the FUCK did you do that?”

Velenna, glaring: “I’ve often asked myself the same thing.”

Ena went off on Michael, screaming that he had NO right to be throwing a pity party because he didn’t even remember the person whose ghost he was crying over, or her, OR their father, OR their home-. Aaaaand now Ena’s crying, too. Ena’s hair began to flare up more and more as she lost control of her emotions, prompting the Taker to lean back from her on instinct. No-one else in the party knows what to do to calm her down.

“You’ve gone full Ghibli!”

After unloading like a shotgun and leaving Michael speechless, Ena stormed off from the group and tried to leave, but the spell Velenna used to lock off her property won’t let her cross it, so she slumped down against it and cried some more.

The Taker - torn between his two upset children - sent a flower to comfort Ena

“Which crying child needs his attention?”

“This should be an easy answer - there’s only two of them this time.”

Asahi decided to take the lead and asked the two powerful arcane beings if they knew about the “crazy chaos tree growing out of a portal” in the basement of Skaadi’s lost temple.

Both of them grew immediately tense, but not with each other - whatever the “crazy chaos tree” is, it appears to be something they both have heard about.

Thiori is slowly moving away from the party in search of a tree to sit under. He won’t explain why.

Me, to Ena’s Player: “There’s not a single important rock I’ve put in this campaign that you haven’t licked.”

Bagelby spent half an hour showing Velenna his rock collection, and she sat there at listened to him talk the entire time.

Asahi: “You’d be amazed what kind of- THIORI HE’S WANDERING.”

Thiori: *sprints up and tackles Bagelby*

Bagelby, listing off all the things he’s stolen in life: “…and the sack I was found in!”

The Party: Excuse me what?

Instead of growing grey hairs when his children worry him, the Taker sheds leaves from his cloak.

Things Sir Carl has done in the last week:

Joined an adventuring party

Lost his squire

Survived a coup

Ridden a dragon

Become a father x2

Stopped a fight between an ancient dragon and an Archfey

Bagelby finally discovered the fate of the lighthouse from the Blackstone City harbor (demolished when the harbor roof caved in) and was utterly distraught.

Bagelby: “Who’s my dad?”

Velenna: .......

Bagelby: …….

Asahi: Are you actually honoring that request?!

Bagelby has not learned who his father is today. Some mysteries, Velenna says, are best solved first-hand.

Bagelby: “I don’t know how to answer that question, so I won’t!”

Asahi’s Player has an actual checklist of questions to ask and I’m struggling to keep all my lore straight.

“Don’t try me - I’ll make your favorite show canon.”

Thiori has finally named his mimic friend - Saoirse - and ransacked the picnic spread for some jerky.

“Everyone else roll perception to see if you notice Thiori feeding his mimic at the picnic.”

The Taker of the Lost can masquerade as a Korok to ‘blend in’.

“Michael and Asahi understand money but think of it on different scales.”

Thiori and Asahi decide to race back to the tavern to ask Bethany Herself for a ride to the palace, and Lex - remembering that she has magical speed candies - jumps up, downs two candies, and does Sonic the Hedgehog proud.

Lex’s speed candies are like Benadryl - you really should only take the recommended dose.

Lex - of course - won the race, and asked Bethany if the ‘Group with Too Many Names’ could have a ride to the palace.

Bethany begrudgingly agreed to ferry the party to the palace on her own way there, provided Velenna agree to supply her with another shipment of Shorthalt’s Classics songbooks for a local bard club in town.

#OOC #Quarantine D&D

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