#and i find myself hesitating more and more before posting stuff now

[aquapede]

starting to feel like it's kind of a waste of my time to post my artwork online considering it gets very very limited responses if any. i don't even care about the numbers! i just want people's thoughts and feelings about what i've made! this is a sentiment i've felt before but it feels especially prevalent now where i'm posting on multiple sites and putting effort into image IDs and getting less back in exchange. it really just eats up my time and then makes me feel like what i've made is inadequate.

[funkybatics]

Prettier than the stars

warnings: none!! they kiss and it's a little heated but that's it

A/N: I CAN FINALLY POST STUFF YAYYYY!!!! here's a cute fluffy fic with the silly man himself!! Dottore!!! this can be seen as akademiya or modern-day college au! ALSO HES AN ADULT IN THIS FIC!!! I hope u enjoy <3 ^U^

He couldn't help but look at you.

Why would he be interested in the stars above when the brightest one sits next to him? Shoulder touching his and bringing him a sickening warmth.

It was an odd feeling. He couldn't decide if he despised it or not, it made him feel weak after all. But he also could not bare the thought of not having you with him, so he let it stay.

"Zandik?"

He blinks, zoning back into reality. He goes to respond but feels his heart get lodged in his throat.

You looked so beautiful. The moon was full tonight and its glow illuminated you so perfectly.

Your hair was a slight mess, strands sticking out in different places. There were noticeable eyebags under your eyes, from the constant sleepless nights you've had (being a college student isn't for the weak hearted)

Yet, you still looked serene. It was you, and thats all he cared about.

"Are you alright?" You tilt your head, tired eyes analyzing him, "You were spacing out, should we head back? Are you tired?"

He bites the inside of his cheek and glances away, eyes narrowing ever so slightly, "I'm fine, you needn't worry about me."

You hum in response and look back at the stars, "What's on your mind?"

"What?"

"I know that look in your eyes, you were quite deep in thought you know. Another genius breakthrough?" You turn to grin at him.

He's silent, gazing intensely at you.

"...Zandik? Hello?" Your cheeks heat up as he stares into your soul for what seems like forever, "Are you-"

"A breakthrough would be the right words yes." He shifts his body to face you properly, "____, would you be willing to help me with a theory?"

"A theory? Of what kind?" Your eyes lock into his and time seems to still. He has an air of... vulnerability to him.

"When I'm with you, I find myself feeling... sick. My chest feels tight and my stomach flutters." His brows furrow as he tries to find the right words, "Even so, I don't... mind your company. In fact, when you're not here I feel even more lost."

He lets his hand come up to cup your cheek.

"Zandik..." your eyes soften and you lean into his touch with a smile, "I love you too." He only stares at you, his hand tensing slightly as he processes the words.

"..."

The only warning you get is the subtle furrowing of his brows, before he suddenly pulls you into a kiss. You can tell he's never really done this before.

It's alright though, you don't hesitate to take the lead and help him out. Tangling your fingers into his soft, curly blue hair, you deepen the kiss.

He lets out a noise when you swipe your tongue along his bottom lip, and he feels his head go numb when it finally enters. After what feels like an eternity you both pull back for air, lips swollen and hearts racing.

"Was...was that useful data?"

He composes himself and clears his throat, looking away to hide his flustered face.

"O-One test run is never enough, multiple trials are needed to get proper data. I'll be expecting your help from now on."

"Are you asking me out?"

"Yes."

You scoot closer to him, giggling, and lay your head on his shoulder, "I accept."

As you look back at the stars, he finds he still can't focus on them. He feels a fuzzy warmth as you lean against him.

You're prettier than the stars anyway.

[phantomarine]

Hey what were you trying to say in your “it gets good at page 1001” post

Was it more of a comment directed at yourself ( self degradation), is it satire about perfectionism,

Is it supposed to be inspirational for Beginners webcomic creators, or we’re you just in a bad mood?

More of a warning against self-sabotage, because I see it so much. Sometimes it's tied to perfectionism, sometimes it's the opposite - people surrendering to imperfection when they don't really have to.

Creator chat incoming. I'll put it under the deelybob for anyone who wants to read it 👇

I've been in the webcomic sphere for several years now and I've seen so many people introduce their comic with 'I know it's very long and not easy to read, and I won't be going back and changing anything about what I've already made - but please critique it so I can make the rest of the pages better and attract a bigger audience from now on.'

And that's a hard thing to respond to. If a reader can't get through all those existing pages without being confused or bored, then how can they get to the good stuff that lies past them?

So much of gaining an audience is about actively making it easy to 'fall into' a work. Without that easy entry point, it's always going to be an uphill battle to build an audience, no matter how good the later chapters get. There are outliers, but most webcomics won't be those outliers, especially with thousands of them available nowadays. Some people love the grind, but most people will jump to a new tab and try to find something less frustrating.

And webcomic creation is particularly cursed by its very nature. Creators are hesitant to go back and edit pages, even once they've figured out more details about their craft or story structure. It's mostly because of the seeming permanence of it all - the art takes ages and the words feel unchangeable if even one other person has read them. To go back and edit is to publicly admit your failings, right? That's how it feels. What do you MEAN you didn't get it right the first time? You were supposed to do it live, and do it PERFECTLY!

But ideally it shouldn't be any different than prose writing, which is ALL ABOUT finding the story in those edits. And because your story is digital, you can go back and change things whenever you feel like it. A webcomic is fluid.

And if you're thinking 'I should just redraw my whole first chapter' - NO! Hell no, old art can be a part of the appeal! It's far more about finding little tricks to convey your story/characters more clearly. I have read some first chapters with janky art that made me fall completely in love with the story and cast. It's not about the art - as with all things comic-related, it's about conveyance.

Examples I've seen and some I've used myself: A single extra page with a meaningful interaction can solidify the theme of a character's arc. One additional 5-to-10-page scene can help add visual context for an offscreen event where there was none before. Adding a map can tell people where the characters currently are. Changing a character design can help if they get often confused with another character. Redoing your lettering to make it more legible is a huge one too.

In the end, I just don't want people to be afraid of small edits. When I got feedback about the bad clarity of my own work, I knew it would take some time to fix those problems. It wasn't fun to think about or to do, but I'm glad I did it in the end - because it would have limited my audience tremendously. With just a bit of extra effort, I opened a door that wasn't there before, and it now leads more people even more easily to 'the good stuff.'

tl;dr You started your webcomic for a reason, and you're learning more things about its characters, story, and craft every day. Don't be afraid to go back to old pages and inject some of that wisdom through editing. Even a little can go a long way.

***Caveat: If your goal is to just create chaotically, with no goal of gaining an audience, you are a wild and free little thing, and I am in awe of you. This whole rant doesn't apply to you, and you are stronger than me.

[blythsholland]

I’ll take care of you

Pairing: Peacekeeper!Coriolanus snow x female!reader

Warnings: cursing, mentions of blood, injuries, fighting but nothing too descriptive, alcohol consumption. use of she/her pronouns.

WC: 2.2K

Summary: An injured Coriolanus arrives at your door in the middle of the night.

AN: Here it finally is. Sorry for not posting sooner. This is my last ever semester of college and I’ve been quite busy. Hope you enjoy! <3 Let’s pretend the events of part 3 of tbsosas don’t happen. Sejanus is still alive, Lucy Gray is not a mystery. Coryo actually likes his life in District 12.

Masterlist

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Moving to District 12 was not as bad as Coriolanus had expected it. Sure, he asked to be sent to twelve to be closer to Lucy Gray. But he did not expect to encounter you instead. You were a pure soul, the sunshine on a cloudy day. The first time he saw you, it was like love at first sight. You were only helping an older lady in the market, but he was captivated by you. Since that moment, Lucy Gray had left his mind, only being occupied by you.

Sejanus had noticed Coryo's gaze. He knew his friend was infatuated. And it certainly took a lot of convincing and courage for Coryo to talk to you.

"You should go and talk to her. I can see that lovestruck gaze from a mile away."

"I don't know Sejanus. What if I make a fool of myself in front of her?"

"Coriolanus Snow, you are the smartest guy I know. I assure you, everything will go smoothly. Now go."

And he did. He walked over towards you without an idea of what to say. Nor even how to talk to you. But he did, and he was glad Sejanus made him go. Meeting you was the start of something that would become more.

His visits to the market became frequent. He would buy stuff, but the main reason was to see you. Eventually, both of you started a small friendship, oblivious to the lingering feelings both had for each other.

“Hi Sir, what brings you in today?”

“You know I don’t like it when you call me Sir. Coryo is just fine.”

A chuckle left your lips. “I know. I am just trying to be professional. I take it you are here for those apples from last time.”

“They are delicious, what can I say?” He took a bite from an apple, giving you a wink. The blush creeping on your cheeks made him smile. “Are you free tonight? I heard The Covey are performing.”

"Why? Are you going to ask me on a date?"

"Actually, yes. I have been finding the courage to do it recently." He confessed. And it was true. You made him nervous, something he never really felt before.

“Coriolanus Snow, a peacekeeper, needing to find courage? I don’t believe you.”

“Well, when you have the most beautiful woman in front of you, it’s easy to get nervous.”

“That was smooth.” A giggle escaped you. Compliments towards you were a rare thing. But you could not lie. It made you feel something. You have been waiting for him to ask you out for a while. “I would love to go with you…” You hesitated.

“But?”

“But not tonight. I am sorry Coryo.”

You moved to help a client with their products, leaving Coriolanus there. He was confused as to why you had said no. He waited until the client left and walked to you again.

“Can I have a reason why? You seemed happy about it.”

“Believe me Coryo, I am happy. I have been waiting for you to ask me. But not tonight. My grandma has been ill for the last few days. And I need to take care of her.” You explained.

And it was true. It had been a hard few days. You had been working because you made a deal with your cousin. He agreed to take care of her only if you give him a percentage of the earnings you gained at the market. Earnings that he would get drunk on, no less. But it was something, at least.

“But you should go still! Enjoy a nice evening with Sejanus and the rest of the boys. We will have our date at another time. I promise.”

He delicately placed his hand under your chin, gently lifting your face. His gaze lingered on you, admiring your beauty. "I will hold on to that promise." His lips met your cheek, placing a soft kiss before he walked away, leaving you there, a blushing mess.

***

The Hob was crowded. It was mostly district men and Peacekeepers everywhere. They were there to get drunk, dance, or find a woman for the night. And Coryo was glad you were not there with him. For some reason, the place felt tense tonight, as if something were to happen.

Coryo and Sejanus sat down just as Maude Ivory came to the mic to introduce Lucy Gray. Everyone erupted in cheers the moment she came on stage. It was clear everyone loved her. It made Coriolanus proud. Cheating on the games might have gotten him to be a Peacekeeper but he did not regret it. Lucy Gray was back where she belonged.

"Good Night, everybody! I hope everyone is having a good time. We are The Covey! Now grab a drink, grab your partner, dance, and enjoy."

The music started. Everyone started dancing. The Covey brought a joy that made people forget about their problems; life in District 12 was good, and nothing else mattered. Coryo and Sejanus were drinking and enjoying the music until they didn't.

Billy Taupe, Lucy Gray ex-boyfriend, walked in. He was drunk, ignoring Mayfair, the Majors daughter, who was trailing behind him. They were arguing. She was questioning him, while he just ignored her. And it continued until Billy Taupe reached the stage where Lucy Gray was. He tried to touch Lucy Gray when Mayfair stopped him. This action made Billy push Mayfair away, causing chaos to erupt.

Men started picking fights while others started circling Billy, clearly mad at what he did. Instead, he ignored them, going back for Lucy Gray. And then, a sudden punch landed on his face. It was Coriolanus. He had been watching the scene unfold carefully. His feet took him there without processing what was happening. He wanted to protect Lucy Gray. Billy's fist landed on Coryo's nose, making him stumble. He had surprisingly hit back even in his drunken state. Coryo felt a rush of blood fall from his nostrils. The faint taste of blood on his lip let him know he also had a cut. This just made Coryo's fists land back on Billy's face. Three consecutive punches landed on his face until someone pulled back Coryo. It was Sejanus.

"Let's go Coriolanus. We cannot get in trouble." And so they ran, leaving the place. Once they were far enough from The Hob, they stopped running. Finally catching their breath, a laugh escaped both of them.

“Who would have thought I had to save your ass this time? Billy got you pretty badly.”

"Fuck off." A chuckle left Coryo, reminiscing back how he was the one to save Sejanus during the games. “I guess we are even now.”

The blood had started to dry. His face was hurting. He could not go back to the barracks in that state. They would question what had happened, and Coryo didn’t want anyone to know. He also didn't want to create more chaos. He had hoped that if other peacekeepers saw him, they would cover-up. Or that maybe they were too drunk to remember what had happened.

“I cannot go back like this, Sejanus. I don’t want them asking questions.”

“And where are you going to go? We can come up with something and lie. Tell them you stumbled over something and fell.”

Sejanus was right. They could make up a lie and get over with it. But something in Coriolanus did not want to do that. “I don’t want to lie this time. Cover for me. Tell them I'm not feeling well, that I went to sleep early. I don’t know.”

“And where are you going?”

“I think you have a clear idea.”

***

It was probably past midnight. Your grandma was fast asleep in her room. You, on the other hand, tried to sleep. Something did not feel right, as if something had gone wrong. Your cousin was somewhere doing who knows what, and you hoped he was not in trouble.

A sudden knock on the front door startled you. Confusion took over you, wondering who might be at this time of the night. You put on your nightrobe and took careful steps to the front door. While preparing for the worst, your mind drifted to your cousin. There was the possibility of him getting taken by a peacekeeper for causing trouble. However, when you opened the door, you were surprised by what you saw.

Coryo stood in front of your door. Blood dried up on both his nose and lips. His nose already had a bruise forming. His bottom lip had a cut on it.

“Coryo? Oh god, what happened?! Get inside.”

Doing as told, he entered. Your home was lovely for what it was. He had seen you outside a few times and even greeted you once, so he knew by now where you lived. He followed you carefully towards your bedroom, mindful of your sleeping grandma.

Your mind was going through every possible scenario. Something had gone down at The Hob. Part of you also wondered if your cousin was behind it. Coryo sat in your bed after you told him to. He waited until you came back with some medical supplies. It was limited. You would only use them if they were necessary. Not that Coryo needed a lot of it, to be honest.

“This is not a lot but is going to make you look better. Now, tell me what happened.”

And so he did. He told you everything from the beginning. What Billy Taupe did to Mayfair, what he tried to do with Lucy Gray, and how Coryo got there before Billy tried something.

“I am happy you defended Lucy Gray. That guy is an ass. I hate that my cousin is friends with him. And I bet that is why my cousin is the way he is. Though I am not thrilled he got his fists on your gorgeous face.”

A hiss left Coryo's lips at the sudden contact with the alcohol.

“Sorry. I should’ve mentioned it was going to sting a bit.”

“Don’t worry, angel.”

Coryo was entranced with you. The candle illuminating the room made you look so angelic. He could not believe that such beauty stood in front of him. He had no doubts. He was falling in love with you. You noticed his gaze on you. Those blue eyes of his filled with love and admiration for you. Your heart was racing just by being so close to him. It felt intimate. And it did not help the growing feelings for him. You were also falling in love.

“And done. You are all better now. ”

You were about to leave and put the medical supplies back when Coryo's hand grabbed yours, stopping you.

"Coryo, what are you-" Your breath hitched as Coryo placed a small kiss in the palm of your hand. Your heart started racing at the action, so sweet and so delicate.

"Thank you, angel."

"Anytime. I'll take care of you whenever you need me to."

Coryo got on his feet and stood in front of you. He pulled you closer to him, leaving little to no space between the both of you. It was as if time stopped. There, in your small room, your eyes never left each other. Slowly, his hand took hold of your cheek, softly caressing it with his thumb. His gaze lingered on your lips. He needed to kiss you.

"Can I kiss you, love?"

Too entranced by him to utter a word, you just nodded yes. Warmth blossomed in your chest, and butterflies fluttered in your stomach. You could feel your heart pumping as he closed his eyes and leaned in. His other hand went to your cheek while yours rested on his shoulders. Coryo's lips caught yours in a soft kiss at first, and it did not take long before you kissed back. You felt giddy. You had wanted to kiss him for so long, and it was finally happening. His lips were soft against yours. It was electrifying. Your lips parted slightly, allowing him to slip his tongue. The soft kiss soon turned hungry. Coryo could not get enough of you. Your lips were too addictive. Needing a moment to catch their breath, they ended the kiss in a delicate one. He leaned his forehead against yours, a big grin on his face.

"I wanted to kiss you for so long. I really like you." He confessed, and it was true. He felt things for you he hadn't felt before. And it was scary yet exciting.

"Want to know a secret? I am happy you did. I wanted to kiss you too, Coryo." You took his hand still on your cheek and pressed your lips against it. " I really like you too. I have for a while."

And there you were, smiling at each other, happy that feelings were mutual. Coryo leaned in again until his lips brushed yours in a soft kiss. He wanted to kiss you all night long and even stay the night, but he couldn’t. At least not yet.

"I need to go now, and sneak in but about that date... you still own me one."

A giggle escaped from you. "I know I do. I did not forget. How about you and me, tomorrow at the lake at four o'clock?"

"It's a date."

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Tags: @gracieroxzy @vivi-wtz @jefferson-in-the-tardis @phoward89 @cxp1d @loverandqueenofdragons @acidaciruela @astarborntowrite

(the ones that aren't tagged is because for some reason it didn't let me tag you)

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

The improved behavioral modulator seems to be working.... well, with mixed results.

The Toy Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four (you are here)

Takes place after the Back to Skool Arc

But Before the GIR ARC

Master Post

Support me on Patreon to get updates early (i can't promise frequent udates)

Kofi

Boo! An update! under the cut for more personal stuff as you prob wonder why this au has been silent lately.

Hey, I know it's been awhile since you've seen me. Well, that's cause I've been holding onto this update for awhile. Since December of 2022.

There's a lot of reasons why I haven't posted this. Mostly to do with severe depression, and anxiety getting worse, and a major art complex on my shoulder.

Plus, fact of the matter is that I lost all of my notes for the Post-Florpus AU. Yeah. Every single one, cause I handwrote those notes and who knows where they are now. I had this huge thing for this little arc here planned, and cause my memory problems are getting worse, I don't remember the initial interactions I had planned for Zim and GIR that fit the major part of the story.

So this thing is very much in Hiatus and I haven't drawn most of 2023 I think. I still have one additional Post-Florpus comic I'm sitting on that I drew in 2019, but I hesitate uploading that one with no context to something I can't remember.

As always, this au is pretty personal to me, and while I am still working on FNAF stuff, I might come back to this officially one day.

But for now, I'll just give you some scraps I've been hoarding to myself for a full year.

The series is in Hiatus still, and I hope to find my joy of drawing again.

[nyxvuxoa-writes]

𝙳𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚆𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚊𝚖 𝚁𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚜 -- 𝙰𝚄

William Rollins x Fem!Reader

◢ Genre: AU, Dark Fic, Smut, Plot Bunny — Suitable For Adults Only

◢ Warnings: darkfic, alternative universe, sexualization of a bad guy, toxic relationship, mentions of stalking behavior, manipulation, mentions of being institutionalized, mental health talk, keeping secrets, possessive!William, use of petname: kitten, exploring kink with William, body marking, knife kink, pain play, Dacryphilia (turned on by crying), katoptronophilia (sexual acts in front of mirrors), sexually recording the reader. Proceed with caution in case I missed something.

◢ A/N: This is an AU headcanon style fic list where William didn't die, but instead had been institutionalized for his behavior, and later released. It's based off William and his personality, though in a non-canon setting. Keep in mind, William is a psychopath, so don't always expect fluffy stuff with him. If you want a more direct x fem!reader insert with him based off this concept, let me know. Gif credit goes to myself.

◢ I do not consent to my work being post anywhere else.

The first time you had talked to William, it had been in a chat room.

Old habits die hard, and the internet has progressed so much.

You wanted to vent to a stranger about life and he was willing to listen.

He's charismatic, knowing exactly what to say to make you feel like you are on top of the world.

It was his way of learning you. He wanted to know what made you tick.

You found yourself confiding in him, telling him your secrets, fears, and insecurities.

Naturally, he knew how to use these things to his advantage.

To make sure you trusted him back, he started to confide in you.

But not the whole truth.

He's only told you bits and pieces of things.

Like that his mental health had declined as a teenager.

That he ended up institutionalized because of it.

It was just enough to make you feel sorry for him.

But not so much so that it would scare you away from him.

And it was likely a little warped in perspective.

That doesn't matter to him, so long as he has you at this point.

As far as you know, he's okay now and you are the reason he keeps going.

And that might not be a whole lie, he's actually become rather attached to you.

Maybe more so than you realize.

Dangerously so.

You might even have some darker things in common.

Which, if you do, he's going to find out one way or another.

After establishing yourselves, you finally agree to meet.

When you first met William, he had come off as perfect.

He flashed you that charming smile and batted the lashes on those pretty blue eyes which naturally caused you to bring your guard down.

He makes you feel safe, wanted, desired.

He's forward, but not overly so.

It's his way of testing the waters a little more.

But when you let him, he gives you these soft and sweet kisses.

The kind where his lips hover over yours after, and he simply smiles against them before he kisses you again.

You are his now.

He has his claws in you, and has no intention of letting go.

But being away from you doesn't exactly sit well with him.

He starts to keep an eye on your social media. He watches where you post from or what you are posting.

He checks on who you are talking to and who interacts with your page.

If he feels that someone is getting a little too close to what is his, William won't hesitate to make his presence known.

He'll leave little comments here or there to show you that he's paying attention.

At first, it's not going to come off overly possessive, but as time goes on it will start to become more clear in his wording that 'what's his, is his.'

Depending on the type of girl you are, this is either good or bad.

It will either turn you on, or it won't.

Let's assume that it does.

You like feeling that sense of being desired so badly.

In a way, he makes you crave it.

Even through a screen, this man a way of making you feel different things and deep emotions.

But with that being said, he has a way of convincing you of things.

Be it, he's trying to get you to change your opinion about something or someone.

Or he's trying to convince you to do something.

It doesn't take too much at times, and he's able to have you doing things that you don't quite realize is bad right off the bat.

You are blinded by love to really notice the bigger picture.

But even than, you might not care.

You might accept him for how he is.

And depending on the type of friends or family you might have, they could see right through him.

There will be people that will try and warn you about him, but that doesn't mean you will listen.

And if he keeps having it his way, he'd prefer it if you didn't listen to them.

"They are full of shit, Kitten. I'm always doing what's best for you. What's best for us."

Eventually you find yourself defending him at times.

His own little shield that he will head-pat and tell you that you're a good girl.

Eventually things will start to sexually escalate.

It had been a mutual starting on both parts, with some light flirting texts that headed into a round of sexting.

Which had left both of you craving more and it starts to become an almost daily thing until you see each other again.

You can rest assured that the first moment you got the chance, clothes were stripped off and William was pressing himself roughly into you.

He learns what gets you wet. Be it fast or slow, a little bit of both.

He'll get a little dirty in his language if he knows it's going to make you tighter around him.

And he's a moaner.

Soft at first, but the more he presses and the closer he gets, the louder he can get.

"Fuck! Kitten you feel so good."

"Keep going Kitten, you're gonna make me cum."

"That's my girl."

If you're the kinky type, William is willing to explore.

He may have a particular fondness for more edgeplay related kinks.

He would also enjoy marking your body.

Hicky marks in various spots.

Maybe he'd drag a knife against your skin from time to time. Leaving little cuts here and there.

The more things continue the more he develops an enjoyment of pain play.

Be it spankings or simply manhandling you, William knows that you belong to him and he will use you as he pleases.

If he can make you cry during this, he gets even more turned on.

There is something about seeing you in that moment of being particularly vulnerable that he enjoys.

There is added bonus if you happen to have a full body mirror around.

He likes to watch himself with you, and he particularly enjoys watching you.

This will eventually progress into him wanting to record you.

Even if he isn't involved in what you are doing.

He'll get you to play with yourself and it won't be long before his phone is out and pointed right at you.

He'll take pictures of you while you're naked. He'll even take pictures of you when you aren't even aware of it.

The stalking, no matter how long you are together, it won't stop. Which means, some of those photos are of you through out the day, or on your video calls with him.

He actually starts to enjoy the type of control that he has over you.

It's a different type of control than what he's used to having over people. But it's satisfying in it's own way.

This doesn't mean he stops manipulating you, or others at that. He wouldn't be William if he didn't try and manipulate you, or those around you.

----------------------------------------------

May consider doing a part two and expand on this more. I'm not sure yet. Tagging: @voxmortuus @earth-elemental18 @bettytaylorversion @liveandbreathesmut

[venbetta]

Okay, regarding the last post/ask, there's a part of me that worries for internet safety in recent times, because it's very easy to become a victim of hacking, doxxing, or in more extreme cases, actual harm (grooming, stalking, etc.).

Not to age myself (and others) but there was a time in school where teachers would show us videos and presentations of the dangers of lacking online literacy/safety. Net safety videos were a stable of my childhood and many others, and most of those videos discussed the following:

Do not post personal information about yourself online

Do not interact with people you don't know

Do not meet people you met online in real life

The effects of cyberbullying

Those were the basic stuff. There was a lot more to take away from them

And those videos were scary. That was the point of them. I think about them less now, but it stuck. Because it can happen. And it has happened.

That's why I'm worried and a little taken aback about the lack of understanding of safety and knowledge of the current internet user base. I know that kids and teenagers use the internet, it's nothing new at all. But they're not being taught how to be safe or use common sense!

At least not in a way that I'm aware of.

If they are being taught, it's either not taught well or it's not being retained. Either way, it's clear that it's not being implemented.

And yeah most of those rules above are broken almost immediately, because we as people have gotten too comfortable with posting and sharing our intimate lives publicly. Our ages, our genders, our dating status, our home state. I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't acknowledge that, yeah, I also have some of that info in my bios!

However, some make the mistake of including very sensitive information such as their state, town, school, and worst of all their face!

Even if you don't do it intentionally, whether your posting on tiktok or whatever, if you have your state flag in the background of a video with your school logo just barely showing, someone with enough time and effort will figure out where you are. It's been shown in not only those tiktoks doxxing people but in those old net safety videos, too!

If this is scaring you, that's the point. That's what those net safety videos did. And sure, you'll forget about the rules and get comfortable with providing that info... I know most of us have, but it's up to you to keep yourself safe as much as possible.

With the state of the internet now, it's imperative to have an understanding of what the dangers are. Especially with ai in the mix. That's why I'm hesitant to even post my selfies anymore (Fuck Instagram for their ai scraping feature). It's because of what people might do. It's anxiety inducing. And that's why I'm making it a point to just be mindful as to what you do when you're online.

Don't join spaces that might have people that may take advantage of your naivety (I'm talking to kids and teenagers). If you find yourself in a space with someone or a group that makes you uncomfortable, leave. If they threaten or coax you to stay, follow your gut instinct and leave. Do not communicate with anyone who makes you uncomfortable. If it feels to be too much, tell a trusted friend or adult who can help you get out of the situation.

Don't post your current location. Don't post your school or work. Don't post your face if you can help it. Don't click on random links from people you don't know, even if they're offering free robux or nitro. It's a scam!

And before anyone makes a comment demeaning those for not knowing these scams or basic net safety, get over yourself. People who don't know either were never taught to look out for those things or never encountered such things.

People of all ages fall for scams regardless of what it is, kids to old people who aren't tech savvy. It's in our interest to teach people these things so that they can protect themselves. It doesn't make us better for knowing something and then shaming others for not.

Just be safe out there.

[fanfictionalraven]

Piece by Piece Pt. 11

Title: Piece By Piece Pt. 11

Summary: The apocalypse draws near.

Characters: Reader, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Bobby Singer, Castiel, Original Characters, other SPN canon characters

Word Count: 2,550

Warnings: Canon-typical violence and peril

Author’s Note: This story was originally posted by myself under the account Winchestersgirl92. It was published in 2017.

Read Piece by Piece Pt. 10 here.

Dean paces across the room Zachariah had stuck him in. He’d lost track of how long he’d been here and he was past mad now. The angels had tricked him, leading him down a path to jump start the apocalypse. He picks up one of the bottles of beer Zachariah had left for him and throws it at the wall.

“Now Dean, that’s the good stuff. Don’t waste it,” Zachariah says, having suddenly appeared in the room. Dean turns on him with a glare. “I see I made you the wrong offer earlier. Ginger and Mary Anne. Not your type anymore. No, you have a more particular taste now.” Dean’s hands tighten into fists at his sides as a smirk spreads across Zachariah’s face.

“Leave her out of this,” he practically growls. Zachariah lets out a sadistic chuckle before merely snapping his fingers.

************************************************************************

“M.K., you have to eat, Sweetie,” you say, kneeling down next to the chair your daughter is currently occupying. She’s sulking over her plate like she did every day. It had been a month and a half since you’d left Dean and she hadn’t forgiven you yet. You hadn’t forgiven yourself yet.

“I’m not hungry,” she mumbles quietly. You sigh and rise to your feet, knowing she’d eat when she wanted to. You run a hand over your stomach as you walk across the kitchen. You were just starting to show, that adorable little baby bump just visible under your shirt. You wanted Dean to be able to see it. You wanted him to be there when you found out what the two of you were having. You wanted him to feel the first kicks. But you’d left and he hadn’t tried to chase you.

“Momma,” M.K. says, fear in her voice. You turn and look at her quickly, finding a strange man standing near the table. Your eyes widen and you hold a hand out for M.K. She runs and stands behind you, peeking around you at the stranger.

“I’m not here to hurt you,” he says. “Only to take you somewhere.”

“Where?” You ask before glancing around the kitchen. The man smiles what you’re sure is supposed to be a reassuring smile.

“You can’t fight me, Y/N,” he says. It was a fact you were already sure of. He definitely wasn’t human and even if he was you didn’t stand a chance.

“Where are you taking us?” You ask again. You were trying to stall and he could tell. He takes a step towards you now and you frown.

“I can’t tell you that. Let’s not do this the hard way, hmmm? Just take my hand,” he tells you, holding his hand out now. “For your children, Y/N.”

“What are you?” You ask, watching him as he takes another step towards the two of you. He smiles again.

“An angel,” he says before reaching out and grabbing your arm.

You blink and find yourself in a new room, M.K. still clinging to your leg. The angel who had brought you, lets go of your arm as you look around. Another angel, one you recognize from the three months you’d spent living with Dean, is smiling at you. Standing between you and him, his back turned towards you, is Dean. His fists are clenched at his sides.

“Thank you, Malachi,” Zachariah says to the other angel. He nods once then disappears. M.K. peeks around you and her eyes widen.

“Daddy??” She asks. You watch as Dean’s shoulders fall and he hangs his head in defeat. He turns slowly and smiles at her, a sadness in his eyes.

“Hey, Baby Girl,” he says. The tears overwhelm her as she runs to his waiting arms. He lifts her up into a tight hug and kisses her temple before locking eyes with you. You bite your lip and he shifts M.K. to one side, holding his other arm open for you. You don’t even hesitate as you rush into his arm, burying your face in the crook of his neck. “I’m sorry,” Dean whispers, kissing your hair.

“I do love a happy reunion,” Zachariah says. Dean’s grip on both of you tightens before he lets you go. He sets M.K. down next to you then turns back to the angel, standing in front of you two protectively.

“Take them home and leave them alone,” he demands. Zachariah smiles and shakes his head.

“That really what you want Dean? I mean, it’s Apocalypse Now. Wouldn’t you rather they be here, protected?” He asks. Dean sets his jaw and closes his eyes for a moment. “You know what? I’ll give you some time alone to talk things over. Go check on my ticking time bomb.” In the blink of an eye, Zachariah disappears. The three of you stand there, silently, for what feels like an eternity. Dean runs his hands over his face then turns to face the two of you.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I was just trying to keep you safe. I never wanted you to be involved with this,” he tells you, his eyes avoiding yours. You step forward and take his face in your hands.

“It’s okay. We’ll figure it out,” you assure him. He shakes his head slightly.

“This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have let this happen. I shoulda kept my distance and not fallen in love with you and M.K. I shoulda left town and never looked –” You cut him off with a quick kiss. He smiles a little as you pull away. “What was that for?” He asks.

“We love you too,” you tell him. He smiles wider and wraps his arms around you in a tight hug. Holding you close, he presses a quick kiss to your hair.

“I’m gonna get us out of this. I swear,” he says. You nod and pull away from him. He reaches down and places a hand over the tiny bump. For a moment, you think he’s going to cry. He looks back up at you quickly. “Cas,” he calls out. He steps away from you and looks up at the ceiling. “Cas!!”

“What is it, Dean?” Cas asks, suddenly appearing. His eyes land on you and M.K. and he frowns. “What are they doing here?”

“Zachariah brought them,” Dean tells him. Cas shakes his head slowly.

“No, he swore he would leave them out of this. Dean, I’m sorry,” he says. Dean nods slightly, taking a step towards Cas.

“Seems like ol’ Zach can’t exactly be trusted,” he says, his voice dropping low. M.K. reaches up, clasping your hand. You smile down at her reassuringly and run your other hand over your stomach. “Help me end this, Cas. Help me save my family. Get me to Sam. We can stop this before it’s too late. You know where he is?” Cas shakes his head.

“No. But I know someone who does. We’ll have to stop Sam from killing Lilith,” he tells him. Dean frowns and raises an eyebrow in question.

“I thought Lilith was going to break the last seal,” he says. Cas merely shakes his head again, walking over to you and M.K.

“Lilith is the last seal,” he tells him. “Did they hurt you?” He asks. You smile at him and shake your head quickly.

“No, we’re fine,” you tell him. He nods and looks back at Dean now.

“If we attempt to leave, they’ll follow us,” he says. Dean nods and looks around the room, thinking.

“You go find out where Sam is. Come back. Send me there and get them to Bobby’s,” he says, pointing to you and M.K. He looks at you and you nod in agreement, knowing you’ll be safer there. Cas nods once then disappears in the next second. Dean runs his hands over his face.

“Bobby has a panic room. It’s heavily warded. They shouldn’t be able to get you there,” he says. You let go of M.K.’s hand and walk over to Dean. He looks at you now and you glance back at her before dropping your voice low.

“I’m not gonna lie, Dean. I’m scared to death,” you tell him. He frowns and pulls you into his arms quickly.

“I know. I am too. But I’m gonna end this. I just have to get to Sam in time,” he whispers into your hair. You nod and squeeze him slightly.

“Dean,” Cas says, having reappeared. Letting him go, you both turn to face him. “I spoke with Chuck. There’s still time. He did say we’re going – what was his phrase? ‘Off-script’ I believe.”

“Well, hopefully that’s a good thing. Can you handle Zachariah and the others?” He asks. Cas nods and Dean sighs, turning back to you now. He takes your hands in his and squeezes them. “We get this taken care of and, if you’ll still have me, I’m coming home. It’ll be the four of us. You, me, M.K., and our…”

“Son,” Cas says. You both look at him quickly and he nods. “You’re having a boy.” Dean looks back at you now, a big goofy grin on his face.

“A son,” he says. You smile widely and stand up on your toes, pressing your lips against his in a firm kiss.

“We’ll see you soon,” you tell him when you pull away. He nods and lets your hands go before turning to M.K. He wraps her up in a tight hug and kisses her hair. After setting her back down, she takes your hand again. He steps back next to Cas and looks at you both one last time.

“I love you. All three of you,” he says. You smile at him and nod.

“We love you too,” you assure him. Cas turns to him and presses two fingers to his forehead. Dean disappears. The angel rushes to your side now and takes your free hand in his.

“We have to hurry now,” he says. You nod quickly and blink before finding yourself in the middle of Bobby’s study. The old gruff man is sitting at his desk. He jumps up when he sees you all and M.K. smiles over at him.

“Grandpa Bobby!!” She exclaims, running around to him. Bobby continues to stare at you and Cas as he picks her up in his arms.

“What’s going on?” He asks. Cas shakes his head slightly.

“Y/N will explain,” he says before disappearing. You stare at the spot he had been then look back at Bobby.

“Dean said you had a panic room?” You ask. Bobby nods and leads the way down to the basement quickly. He opens the secured vault door and you all three step inside.

“What’s happening?” He asks as he sets M.K. down on the cot in the middle of the room. You sigh and run your hands over your face.

“I honestly don’t have much of an idea. Dean’s going to stop Sam from killing Lilith,” you tell him. Bobby frowns more.

“Stop him?” He asks. You nod quickly.

“Cas said that she’s the last seal. Whatever that means,” you say, panic coming through your voice. Bobby nods as he watches you then takes your arm gently.

“I think you need to sit down,” he says, leading you to the cot as well. You take a seat next to M.K. and she crawls into your lap. Your arms wrap around her tight as you start to rock back and forth.

“He can do this, right? He can stop Sam?” You ask, looking up at Bobby again. He shrugs his shoulders once.

“If anyone can talk Sam down, it’s Dean,” he says. You squeeze your eyes closed tight and hold on to your little girl as Bobby closes the door of the panic room.

************************************************************************

Dean looks around, trying to make out anything he can in the dark. Cas had sent him to the side of the road somewhere and he’s just starting to think Chuck was wrong when a car pulls over across the street. Dean can just make out the two figures that emerge from the vehicle, one his brother and the other the demon he’d been running around with.

Sam pulls his phone from his pocket as he walks away from the car. Ruby throws her arms out in exasperation as she stops near the trunk.

“Sam, it’s time. Are we doing this or not?” She calls to him. Sam looks back at her.

“Give me a minute to think,” he tells her. She rolls her eyes.

“Sam,” she starts but he cuts her off with a sharp glare.

“Give me a damn minute, Ruby!” He shouts to her. She holds her hands up in surrender then leans back against the car. Dean starts towards them quickly.

“Sam!!” He calls out. Both Sam and Ruby turn towards him. She lets out a growl.

“He’s here to stop us,” she says, looking back at Sam. Sam looks at her, conflicted, as Dean comes up beside the car. He stops when he hears the screams coming from the trunk and looks at his brother.

“You got someone in there?” He asks. Sam goes to answer but Ruby cuts him off.

“A demon. Not your concern,” she says, crossing her arms. Dean glares at her then looks back at his brother.

“Hey, Sammy. You gotta stop this, okay? Ruby’s lying to you. You kill Lilith and that’s the last seal. The apocalypse starts. The angels were lying to me too. They wanted this whole thing to happen. They want Armageddon,” he says. Sam’s brows furrow in confusion and he shakes his head slowly.

“That – that doesn’t…” He stops and Dean nods his head.

“Doesn’t make sense? Come on, Man. We’re trusting angels and demons over each other right now? We are all that each other have had our entire lives. Me and you, Sam. I need you to trust me right now. I’m sorry for that crap I said earlier, I am. Cause we’re family and there isn’t a damn thing that can change that,” he says. Ruby turns to Sam quickly.

“Don’t listen to him, Sam. We’re trying to save the world here. Remember all the pain that Lilith has caused? Sending Dean to Hell?” She asks. Sam watches Dean the entire time she speaks. The woman continues to scream and beat at the trunk, begging for mercy. Sam shakes his head slowly, closing his eyes. “Sam!!”

“Shut up!!” Sam says, pushing her away from him. She stumbles back a few steps then turns to face Dean, glaring at him.

“Oh, you son of a bitch,” she practically growls before taking a swing at him, making contact with his jaw. Dean runs a hand over the spot slowly then looks back at her.

“That was a mistake,” he says. He pulls the demon killing knife from the inside of his jacket and she scoffs a laugh.

“You really think I’m gonna let you get close enough to use that thing?” She asks, taking a step back. Sam grabs her arms quickly, holding her in place, and she looks up at him. “No,” she says, trying to fight out of his grasp. Dean advances on her quickly and plunges the knife into her gut. She lets out one last scream before Sam drops her dead body on the side of the road.

Read Piece by Piece Pt. 12 here.

[toc-the-elder]

Warning: gross sex stuff. And surgery. And very long post.

I just wish someone was there for me through all this surgery bullshit. I need help. I am 99% sure this is what I want and what I desperately need. I have never once in my entire life felt sexually comfortable with anyone. Even when I was having boring "heterosexual" sex with my cisgender girlfriend, I struggled to finish. I tried my best to please her, but I never felt like anything I did pleased me, other than getting her off. And since I began my transition, I've had a lot more sex than before, and the majority of my partners have been guys (still prefer women but whatevs) and I have always felt uncomfortable with it, specifically because of my anatomy. It's always felt wrong. I've always felt like a disappointment. It's always felt like a placeholder, something I must make do with in the interim. And the few sexual partners I've had who haven't been weird about it (the others either being completely fixated on my crotch to an uncomfortable degree, or so squeamish to even have contact with it that we made out at a 45° angle) have been accommodating and have tried their best to satisfy me. And I have been satisfied. Never to completion in a traditional "male" sense, but I certainly had climaxes, something that HRT has blessed me with. But even so, I have never felt truly fulfilled. None of it ever left me without wanting more. I just feel awkward, and often find myself apologising for my own anatomy. And don't get me wrong, I've had great, passionate, satisfying sex from doing it up the bum, but my tolerance for the prep and the pain is rapidly diminishing. I have used toys to get myself off like once in over a year. Not because it no longer gets me off, it just reminds me of my shortcomings as a woman.

And after this most recent relationship thing, I don't think there's any healthy path forward for me sexually without surgery. This isn't working. It just isn't.

And beyond the sexual, just the practicalities make sense to me. I spend all day uncomfortable. I wear three pairs of underwear to try and hide my anatomy and allow me to wear clothes that let me feel confident. It takes me like 10 minutes to take a piss because I have to make sure the tuck is gonna be comfortable for the foreseeable future. Half the time, if a chair is just slightly at the wrong angle, just sitting down is painful and uncomfortable. And I hate it.

I haven't been swimming in 14 years. It began as a means of hiding my scars, but now it's just because I don't want people staring at my crotch.

I hate what I see in the mirror. I hate having my incredible figure punctuated by this ugly flap of meat hanging off of it. It makes me not want to be seen naked, even when I am home alone.

I want to be comfortable, be it in bed with someone, or just in my own pants, and I don't see a path to that eventuality without surgery.

But with all the above said, what if I'm wrong?

What if I make this decision, and as soon as I'm out of the OR, I realise I've made a huge mistake? What if I regret it a decade from now? What if I regret it in two?

My transition has been a long series of final decisions, but not all of them are as final as others. Sure, boobs are somewhat permanent, but I could always get a mastectomy if I changed my mind. Sure, changing my name was permanent, but I could change it back if I wanted to. Sure, getting a gender recognition certificate would be permanent, but how often is anyone gonna see my birth certificate anyways? My social transition is pretty permanent, but I could theoretically swallow my shame and walk it back if it came to it. But surgery... That's something different, something completely unreversible in every sense of the word.

And as absolutely sure as I am with this surgical path forward, the physically permanent nature of it still has me hesitating. And it's not like I'm hesitating out of some hidden desire to use my junk in the traditional "male" manner. I don't really have much of a desire there anymore. I haven't been with enough women since my transition to know, but honestly I can't justify putting my happiness on hold on the pipe dream (pun intended) of one day meeting a nice girl who will let me rail her. And even then, I don't even know if that's what I want from other women anyway. But even so, the fact that this cannot be undone has me standing at a cliff's edge. All because I might theoretically maybe regret it one day, despite having 30 years of regret at my current situation behind me already.

But it's not like I have any plans of walking my transition back. I don't want to. For the first time in my life, I smile at my own reflection. I like the woman I have grown into. She's kind and weird and clever and confident and funny in her own way and she's pretty and she has an amazing body and gorgeous hair (sometimes) and everyone always tells her she has a great sense of style. And that woman is me. I finally became who and what I always wanted, nay needed to be. And I have no designs to surrender any of that to the dumpy, miserable, ugly, undesirable, unremarkable nothingburger of a "man" that everyone used to know. I hated who I was. I hated myself for decades. "He" sucked, and should stay dead.

And if I am to embrace my womanhood, I want to be as complete a woman as I can be. And that means surgery. I know that surgery isn't a requirement to be a complete woman, but I cannot deny that I feel incomplete. I cannot deny that I sit atop a mountain of sexual dalliances, each unsatisfactory, some moreso than others. I cannot deny that I still feel uncomfortable seeing myself naked. And I can't deny that I spend my time incredibly uncomfortable, be it whether I am wearing three pairs of knickers or not.

So for my own mental housekeeping:

Pro:

Currently feel uncomfortable sexually

Would probably feel more comfortable sexually

Currently feel uncomfortable generally

Would feel more comfortable wearing a single pair of underwear

Would probably feel less weird about people staring at my crotch

Would probably feel less like a sexual fetish for others to use

Would be able to go swimming again

Wouldn't have to prep for sex in advance

Less butt stuff

Would feel more of a woman

Would probably feel confident naked

Would force the NHS to permanently supply me with HRT

Can ask someone to eat my pussy

Con:

The surgery and journey itself (temporary)

Might regret (hypothetical)(and statistically unlikely)(but theoretically possible)

Big permanent change (non-material, no real consequences unless I actually regret the change)

People generally won't treat me any better because nobody except those I have sex with will really know (people treat me like shit anyways so what's new)

Might eliminate one of the few reasons someone might want to have sex with me (but do I really want to have sex with someone who is only interested in me because of a transphobic assumption of what genre of genitalia I have?)

I think the most frustrating part about all of this is that nobody was there to discuss it with me. My family are obviously grossed out about it, despite being very supportive. I don't really want to discuss my junk with Jack, he might be my best friend but that's weird. And the gender clinic don't have a therapist anymore and don't plan on getting a new one. So I've just have to deal with this on my own.

But at the end of the day, as much as I worry that I am convincing myself of something I might one day regret, there is one factor that tips me to one side of the scale than the other:

If this wasn't for me, then why is it that whenever I picture myself being intimate with someone, I have a vagina? Like I assume normal people don't experience that. I assume normal people don't type paragraphs upon paragraphs and bullet point lists about the pros and cons of their genitals, right? I assume that to feel this much discomfort and explaining is necessary is not something normal people experience. Right?

I know I've made up my mind. And frankly, this is as sure as I have ever been about anything ever. But even so, I find myself unsure, and it just makes me wonder how sure I can be about anything really. I just wish there had been someone there to tell me I am making the right choice.

I have my second surgery referral next week.

[liquidorcard]

Thanks for burying any serious posts about the allegations against Lily under a bunch of stupid wojaks, I’m sure she appreciates your blog for making discussions about the harm she caused harder to find and turning the whole conversation around them into a big joke.

1. I'm not. Users who have much more reach than me show up in search before I do. I realize I show up a lot, but.

2. I've signal boosted important discussions as much as I can. I've even spoken at length about a lot of them myself. Again, though, I've got limited reach.

3. A lot more people are primarily focused on those discussions. One more blog doing that won't change much.

4. Babes, I'm sorry, but you gotta understand that though, serious discussion is important, those of you who think you're going to "bring down" Lily, it's not going to happen. Lily is likely never going to be arrested for Stockholm, for this or that, for whatever. The thing Lily has the best chance (though it's also rather unlikely) of getting Lily arrested in the Canadian legal system would involve asking a certain person to do something they would have already done if they felt up to it. And I don't blame them for not wanting to put themselves through that humiliation for possibly nothing to come of it. As a victim of similar violence-- me too, frankly.

5. The reality is that trans people, women especially, are FALSELY accused of this kind of stuff constantly, especially on the internet. When I heard of Lily for the first time (this was years ago, mind you), I didn't like her. But I was hesitant to believe every single claim about her myself at first because I know the internet is like. If I hadn't dug deeper to find Lizzy and Brit's testimony, I would have assumed these were people targeting a trans woman for being abrasive on the internet. Even then, if Brit didn't have those screenshots and if Lizzy didn't seem like she had no other reason to speak out. Lily knows this and uses this to her advantage.

6. Lily's fans have heard the allegations by now. A lot of people who find Lily and like her do so because she speaks with a lot of authority and knows how to make herself sound smarter than she is. She has given them reason not to have to think about their validity. This sucks and feels as wrong to me as it does to you, but a lot of this comes down to internal bias and what people want to believe. It's vibes. So, unfortunately, what has a better chance of getting people to reconsider those more serious allegations is making Lily look foolish.

7. If you don't believe me that this is true, see how much more reach discussion of Lily's stupid Steven Universe video and her Writing Tips list has gotten over everything else. More than even Joon's video and Courtney's allegations. Again, I don't want to make it sound like that information being out there and accessible doesn't matter, it does, but. I hate it as much as you do, but people by and large would rather engage with taking the piss than the dark, heavy shit like the [alleged] actual crimes Lily has committed.

8. I think some of you overestimate the power a tumblr call-out post can have. I'm sorry.

9. I'm not going to sit here and fluff my own ego that my intentions here are entirely altruistic. They're not. Lily personally bothers me. As a trans person, as a victim of CSA/SA, as someone who's been in an abusive relationship with someone Lily reminds me of, as a person who cares about socialist politics and media literacy. Again, let me reiterate, I knew about her for YEARS before starting this blog and hoped she'd vanish into the ether-- never to be mentioned again. She did not. She likely never will. Her presence on the internet is depressing to me. There's likely nothing any of us can do to make her go away. But I can do this. I can fuck with her SEO, I can make her funny, I can have a laugh at her expense. I made this blog to shitpost out some of the images I had from previous stuff, and some I made for the Sai discord. People seemed to feel the same way, enjoying taking the piss. So.

10. I don't tag all my post with #liquid orcard and #Eldritch Lily for the hell of it. It's so people can easily filter out my posts. You can also just block my whole blog. I'm not going to take it personally.

11. If none of that is an acceptable rational to you, that's fine. But that's the rational. I'm open to criticism, but at the end of the day, I'm going to do what I think is best until someone can explain to me otherwise.

[tastytoastz]

I just want to say that the most recent chapter, at the time of writing this, of your fic (where Pac and Mike travel back in time to a 2b Fit, forgive me for forgetting the name) had me so enthralled. I've said this before but I don't think there are nearly enough fics that thoroughly explore the absolute internalised homophobia a man would develop in a place like 2b, so to have a fic like yours properly portray it is like a dream. That chapter has been stuck in my mind since I first read it, and I've reread it a couple of times.

I can't get over how well you showed that he wasn't just angry, but genuinely terrified. I love the emphasis on him being above all just so fucking scared of that information existing out loud. It's such a good angle. And he's not completely dead shocked by the revelation, and jumps straight into denial, which makes it come across - to me, anyway - as if he has already been aware of this fact about himself for a while, like he knows, and he actively works to hide it everyday. There's so much implied in what isn't said . It leaves you wondering how long he's known, how much he thinks about it, if anyone else in his life has ever known, if he has witnessed first hand what happens to people like him (has he ever watched someone get killed for that while having slurs and horribly vulgar and vivid insults thrown at them, and tried his hardest not to picture himself in that position, as the victim?) ... And most of all you wonder what the aftermath of the interaction looks like on his end. Is he panicking silently up in that room, expecting a mob at his door by morning? What is he thinking, what's running through his head? What does he expect to happen now?

I just love the angle you took and how it was written, and that you decided to pick up the heavy subject matter and write it where a lot of other writers seem hesitant. It's so intriguing .

Thank you so much for this ask!!! I could go crazy over this chapter as well and point out so many details, I'm gonna get into some here, but not all (since I wanna keep some stuff ambigitous/secret still and cuz if i mentioned it all it would be a long post, but I will probably go deeper into some more things once the fic is over cuz I have so many things and smaller details I wan't to get into!!! ) (Also I guess if you want to keep thing ambigious and not 'peek behind the curtain' about some things with this fic don't keep reading)

I have seen some people say Fit's reaction to Mike's comment is with self-denial but honestly it's a lot closer to just being him denying Mike and Pac's words. He's not lying to himself, he's strictly lying to Pac and Mike, and I'm glad I was able to make that clear and people are picking up on it!

Not gonna go to much into it right now ( that's for later in the fic 🤫), but he's very aware he is gay.

As a queer person myself homophobia is sadly not something i'm unfamiliar with. I have experinced it directed towards me and I have seen it happen to other people. Meanwhile i've also done research about internalised homophobia as best I can. I know it's a heavy subject matter (and the fic has a lot of violence/gore as well, it's rated M for a reason) so I'm glad so many people are intrigued by the fic despite it (however I fully understand if someone would not like the themes and cuz of that won't read it). I'm hoping to portray it and handle the themes as best i can.

I also think it would just makes sense from a character perspective, you have a man who has been on 2b2t for years, surrounded by slurs for all lgbtq memebers and wathcing people get specially targeted for stuff like that, and that would fuck with you as a closeted gay person. Not only bring you fear of being "found out", but also adapting homophobi language to look less like "one of them" while also just ingraning it in yourself.

Fit's been told the person he is bad, and knows that if people find out he's gay there will be a lot of negative consequnces, so he hides it. And then here comes Mike, not only saying that he knows he's gay but also that "it's obvious" that he likes Pac. For Mike and Pac it's a factual thing they know, while they also know is dangerous to Fit in the wrong hands. They also think it's obvious Fit likes Pac beacuse they know what to look for.

For Fit it sounds like these random guys, despite his best efforts, knows he's gay, the other says he has photo evidence he's gay, and then said he is awful at hiding it. These two people could ruin his life and have him killed so easily. That's what Fit heard and that is terrifying.

This is also one of the reason this fic is only from Pac's POV becuase I want it to be as unclear for the reader what Fit is thinking as it is for Pac. You don't know how Fit thinks in the past, what ideas he has or how he looks at thing which I think it both intruging for readers but also terrifying. You never know what Fit's next move is going to be.

Once again, thank you so much for the ask! I love talking about my fics so thank you for giving me a reason to!

[gimmemore14]

You have more wip's ? I like your work a lot ! ❤️

Thank you 💜💜💜 Right now I barely have time to write for BitW, so there’s not too many I’m currently working on! But it’s been so long since an update I’m using your ask to post a lil sneak peak for the readers that follow me:

~~~~

“Hmm, mind? No, I don’t usually concern myself with the opinions of a pup, even a foul-mouthed disrespectful one. Did your daddy teach you those words?” He drawls as his eye catalogs Dick’s appearance as if the omega has changed in the ten minutes they’ve been apart.

The sick feeling that Slade knows crawls over Dick suddenly.

He couldn’t have seen, Dick assures himself. They had been careful, but doubt forms a pit in his stomach that he can’t hide quickly enough.

Dick is not listening as Damian begins to defend himself and Bruce’s honor. He’s unable to look away as Slade’s searching gaze rolls over him. The alpha raises an eyebrow at whatever he finds.

Dick opens his mouth to distract, to apologize, to placate, but the slide of the backdoor distracts them all.

Slade’s mouth presses into a suspicious, flat line as Joey walks back inside with the untouched plate of food and bowl of fruit.

“You didn’t eat.” Slade accuses, his eyes narrowing on the omega.

It takes all of Dick’s willpower to stay tense and not allow a wave of relief to wash over him. He doesn’t know. How could he know?

“I wasn’t hungry.” He shrugs flippantly even as Slade’s brows lower.

“You’ll make it up at dinner or I’ll go back to hand feeding you.” Slade orders, just barely keeping the alpha command out of his tone.

Mortification flares through him and heats up his cheeks. Dick wants to be angry and self-righteous in front of Damian and Joey, but he knows it would only make things worse.

“Fine.” He mutters, picking a spot on the wall to look at instead of meeting anyone’s eye. Getting Tim out is far more important than pride, he reminds himself.

The omega misses whatever Joey signs but Slade’s reply lets him fill in the blanks easily. “Can? Sure, but will he? It’s my job now to make sure he’s taken care of, he hasn’t been up to the task lately… or in the past.”

Dick looks over in time to catch Joey furiously signing at his dad, the anger in the beta’s scent palpable and clearly grating on Slade. “Joey, leave it.” He asks- not demands- quietly. It makes Joey hesitate. The beta looks to the omega for guidance and Dick grants it. “Why don’t you show Damian your art? He’s quite the artist as well.”

The young alpha’s ears turn bright red, belaying his embarrassment at the compliment. Dick’s smile finally turns into something more genuine.

Slade’s fingers flex on his newest pressure point and it brings the reality of his situation stomach-churningly closer to the surface. Before the alpha speaks, Dick already knows he’s going to contradict him.

“Not now, later.” Slade commands casually, his fingers stroking his bite on Dick’s neck idly. Before anyone can protest, he continues on, “It seems like everyone needs to blow off a little steam first, meet me outside.” Slade says, looking at Dick with an unreadable expression.

The omega knows it can’t be good as Slade asks Joey to grab Rose too. His eyes beg Slade the questions he’s too afraid to ask out loud, but the alpha doesn’t respond to any of them. Slade curls Dick towards him and kisses his forehead reverently before releasing him.

The alpha heads towards their bedroom and as the distance increases, so does Dick’s anxiety. He’s tempted to follow him- to finally get some clarity in private- but he stuffs it down and attempts to coax Damian outside.

[filmofhybe]

The perfect blend - YJW

part 3 of “IN EVERY MULTIVERSE”

In which..

━━ can you ever imagine in this multiverse, you having the biggest fattest crush on your best friend - Yang jungwon, however knowing he already has a “girlfriend” hurts more than just a sting from a bee.

💌 PAIRING : yjw x reader

GENRE : friends to lovers , fluff

WARNING : angst , fluff , kissing , CHAPTER 2 NOT PROOF-READ!!

🗯️ FEATURING : huh yunjin - LE SSERAFIM

word count : unknown for now

MASTERLIST to “IN EVERY MULTIVERSE”.

; AUTHORS NOTES : I’m so sorry for not updating recently :( I promise I’ll post more often!

Y/n couldn't believe her eyes as she witnessed Jungwon canceling plans with her and, to add insult to injury, bringing another girl to their cherished secret spot. A mix of emotions flooded through her, even though they weren't officially a couple. The connection she felt with Jungwon ran deep, and it stung to see him sharing intimate moments with someone else.

Days after the incident, Jungwon's relentless calls and messages bombarded my phone. Constantly hearing dings and songs as a sniffed my snort into a tissue. Staring at my 10th empty box of tissue, I hesitated but eventually agreed to meet him again at the same spot.

The walk there felt gloomy. It didn’t felt like the first time when he waited me outside as I walked beside him. It doesn’t feel the same as those numerous times we walked shoulder to shoulder towards OUR cafe. The air was thick with a bittersweet tension as I arrived. I placed my bag down as I pulled my hair out, Jungwon's head hung low, and when he finally spoke, his words cut through me.

"Y/n..i know I shouldn’t invite you out, i know your struggling. But I really need to clear myself here because y/n as much as your upset, we weren't a thing. It shouldn't offend you this much. Yes, this is our secret spot, but it's a public place. I can show people I love. You shouldn't be acting this way. I’m trying to be nice to you as hard as possible so please understand me..” he sighed before looking him. Seeing me scoffed as he looked away.

I was fury ignited, i couldn’t believe what I heard. Anger took over as I stood up, “you really are a dickhead..” “what are you-” "Are you kidding me, Yang Jungwon? All those hangouts and eye contacts mean nothing to you? Taking another girl to our secret spot might be cool for you, but it was OUR secret spot. I have every right to be mad at you right now. Saying I should understand you when you don’t even understand me? What makes you think I should huh?” Tears was clearly all over my face once again. Over a dann boy who I though it was the one and only. I sighed as I grabbed my bag to leave, I ignored his yells. Passing through the walls that we made so much memories together, ready to step out of this bittersweet place.

However, i was blocked by the owner's son, Jake, stepped in. He hugged me tightly as i sobbed into his shirt. the stuff a guy can do a girl.. “shush your fine you have me..” softly and carefully brushing my hair as he wipes my tears.. if only you understand see how much I wish it was jungwon that’s comforting me like this, and realizing his mistakes all along.

Jungwon, desperate to salvage the situation, chased after her. However, he halted in his tracks as he met Jake's intense gaze. It was as if his world was crashing down, feeling weak under the weight of Jake's stare. He knew he had lost her, he finally realized how much he loves her. And he messed up their perfect blend.

Just because Jungwon had made one girl weak didn't mean another couldn't make him weaker. The realization hit him hard as he watched y/n finding solace in Jake's embrace that was once his embrace. It was a stark reminder that actions had consequences, and he couldn't take someone for granted, especially someone who genuinely cared about him when no one else did.

The silence hung heavy in the air, broken only by Y/n's muffled sobs. Jungwon's pride crumbled as he reflected on the choices he'd made. The secret spot that once held cherished memories now echoed with the pain he had inflicted on y/n.

Months passed. Jungwon would constantly go back to the cafe, hoping you would be back. Ordering your drink everytime. Everything Jake was the one making it. No wonder why she likes this drink. Jake has now certainly remember your drink on top of his head because of jungwon uncontrollable addiction to the drink, as well as you.. "Jungwon, actions have consequences. You can't expect someone to be unaffected when you treat them like this. Maybe it's time to reflect on your actions and consider the impact they have on others." With those words coming out of Jake’s mouth as he continue to wipe the mug in his hands. Leaving Jungwon sitting alone in the shadow of the secret spot that had witnessed the unraveling of something once special. The weight of regret settled on his shoulders as he faced the consequences of his thoughtless actions.

Jumping out of jungwon’s strong and warm embrace. Patting beside you praying that the dream was just a joke and your finally back in reality. Shit that felt too damn real.. you began to calm yourself down as you take deep breaths trying to not wake jungwon up. But it was too late, the sensitive boy had felt something giving wrong, and sat up. Rubbing his eyes to adjust the darkness.

“Hey baby you alright? Had a bad dream?” He whispered quietly, voice rough and deep as he carefully pulls you back into his embrace. You only nodded not wanting to tell him what happened. He combed your hair softly as he comforted you. Feeling bad that his sweetheart is getting horrible nightmares.

“You left me for someone else in the dream. It felt real. I could move in the dream and control everything.” He was caught off guard by your sudden outburst of a confession, he didn’t know what to say because he knows that this would become reality in the next universe they are in. And he wish he wasn’t such a loser to be destroying girls hearts. However, I guess this is what the universe had set them.

“Baby, I Hope you know that it’s not true and is just a dream. In this reality your with me. Protecting and loving you forever. Even if this happened in our next universe, we will eventually find each other again. No matter where we are, we are always together connected. We are the perfect blend my love..” he mumbled as he placed kisses all over your cheeks. Smiling at you even though you couldn’t see it in the dark, his smile seems to be brighter than ever. You treasure him everyday. It doesn’t matter what happens next because in this universe.You are each others perfect blend. And that’s what really matters.

series taglist : @enhaz1 @dubuii @in-somnias-world @ultimatestayandminoronce @yenqa @euncsace @hoondiors @yannew @mrchweeee @ariadores @oldjws @frukkoneeeeg @dimplewonie @seobstarr @asteria-wood (white = i cant tag)

[skyler10fic]

WonderGirls Ch.2

Summary: The Meetcute Chapter

Read of Ao3

----------------------------

Daisy tried to keep it together. Carol was here, not just on the lot but assigned to the same makeup trailer. She hadn’t actually met her yet with all the makeup artists, assistants, other actors, and various others needing her attention. But Daisy’s stomach still flipped knowing Carol was this close and could walk in at any minute. 

“Have you met her yet?” her makeup artist whispered. “I heard she doesn’t talk to anyone.”

“Really?” Daisy picked at her lip nervously and the makeup artist batted her hand away and applied another layer of lipstick. 

“She could just be quiet.” The makeup artist’s assistant shrugged. “I would be too if I had people posting my every move on the internet.” 

The makeup artist rolled her eyes. “Sure, but that doesn’t mean she gets to be a bitch to everyone else about it.” 

Daisy didn’t like where this was going. “I guess we’ll find out today. I just hope I don’t say something stupid, like ‘Hey, Carol Danvers, I’ve been obsessed with you since the Emmys two years ago. How’s your cat? Do you really drive the Subaru in the commercials? No, we haven’t met, but you’re just—”

“A big ol’ lesbian?” The question sent a chill down Daisy’s spine. She knew that voice. She’d imagined that voice saying that word so many times, in so many more sexy scenarios. But looking into the mirror now to meet the eyes of Carol Danvers made her ill. Not sexy. Not sexy at all. 

“Hi.” Daisy turned in her chair. The makeup artist and assistant had vanished. 

“I thought I’d come introduce myself.” Carol stuck out a hand. “But it seems you’ve already got punchlines prepared.” 

Daisy shook her hand, stumbling for words for very different reasons than she assumed. “I’m Daisy. Daisy Johnson.” 

“I know.” Carol shrugged with a tinge of sadness in her expression. “I loved your show.” 

“Really?” Daisy raised an eyebrow. She probably said that to everyone. 

“Yeah, I was actually really excited to meet you today, but it’s okay, I know all the things people say. And most of them are true.” Carol winked and Daisy could see why everyone who knew her ended up charmed and everyone who didn’t was so jealous. 

Daisy softened and decided brutal, soul-baring honesty was the only way forward. 

“You don’t have to do that, you know. Pretend to be chill with all the gossip about you. But I wasn’t making fun of you. I was making fun of myself. I was going to say, ‘No, we haven’t met, you’re just my celebrity crush,’ which is how I know those weirdly specific details about your life.” Daisy shrugged and blushed. There. The truth was revealed. As if offering her credentials, Daisy rushed to pull out her phone with a bi heart sticker on the case. It was the lock screen on the other side that caught Carol’s attention though. 

Daisy explained, “Oh, that’s a picture of art a fan gave me at Comic-Con. It meant a lot.” 

The adorable cartoon showed Daisy as her spy character and a young girl in the same costume. They were both holding opposite ends of a rainbow. Carol’s defenses dropped and her cool girl smile melted into a genuine, smaller one. 

“That’s beautiful. Are you… If it’s okay to ask... You don’t have to answer. Are you out?”

Daisy let out an involuntary laugh. “Yeah, but I guess the news didn’t really travel. I don’t talk about it much, outside of panels and fan stuff, and the press didn’t care when I first came out on Instagram before the show hit it big. But these moments make it worth it.” She looked at the art again before pocketing her phone. 

“I think,” Carol hesitated, “I think word might get out. Did they pitch our characters to you the way they pitched them to me?”

Daisy tried to read between Carol’s vague lines. “As love interests?” 

“Yeah, but with room for interpretation.” 

With their shooting schedule for the day, Daisy knew they didn’t have much longer so she cut through the hints. 

“Did it factor into my decision? Absolutely. I want to work with you. And who better to bring more queer rep with? You’re kind of a big deal in the sapphic world. I mean, hello.” Daisy gestured broadly to all of Carol’s body as if it were obvious every girl would be in love with her. “But don’t worry, I’m all business. You don’t have to like me; Dani just has to like Skye.” 

Daisy winked, using their characters’ names. 

The trailer door opened. “WonderGirls to set!” 

“Here we go.” Daisy grabbed her stuff and greeted the two other main actresses outside, whom she’d met the day before.

Carol steeled herself against the show biz machine awaiting her and joined them. Time to shine. 

—------------------- 

“You don’t have to like me; Dani just has to like Skye.” 

Daisy’s words, so casual and matter of fact, played on repeat in Carol’s head. All the male actors she’d been paired with thought the chemistry of their characters would be more authentic if they were seen together themselves. A PR faux relationship or enough to get the gossip mill churning was good for business. And it took the pressure off the well-circulated and completely factual rumors that she had slept with exactly zero of these men and at least five of her female costars or crew.  

But Daisy wasn’t trying to look authentic for the box office numbers; she just was. As if she couldn’t be any other way. As they worked, it was clear to Carol that Daisy was not only talented and capable as an actress, but unpretentious about it. After a decade with the same cast and crew, she hadn’t had a reason to develop the Hollywood Fake Nice attitude to manipulate the system and land role after role through connections and favors. 

And the longer they worked throughout the day, Carol’s unspoken comeback formed a lump in her throat: “But what if I do like you?” 

Obviously, Daisy was attractive in the conventional sense, but there was much more to it than that. Carol watched the way Daisy interacted with the child actors, the stunt doubles, and the crew, and even joked around with the shy interns asking her how to make it big. She was friendly enough with everyone to get shushed when the cameras started to roll on scenes she wasn’t in. 

She was free in a way Carol hadn’t been since she was a teenager: America’s Sweetheart on the outside but awkward nerd on the inside. Carol had shot to fame too fast and hadn’t really had a life of her own since. 

She shook off the Poor Little Rich Girl self-pity and returned to set so her character could argue with the mother character that she was breaking free and learning to use her powers instead of being afraid of them. The fourth take in particular hit hard as the repetition of the heartfelt lines released a wave of genuine emotion in her. Just as Dani needed to become Captain Wonder and fly off to save the world with the WonderGirls, so Carol needed to own her power and liberate herself from the controllable teen idol everyone still saw.

“YES!” director Maria Hill shouted. “That’s it. That’s the one. Dani, take five. Denise, Bob, Lucas, and waitress number 1, let’s pick up at the diner scene.” 

As the actors and crew reset at the nearby three-walled diner set, Daisy surprised a jumpy Carol with a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” 

“No, not at all.” Carol brushed off. “I was just, you know. In that mental place.” 

Daisy nodded. “Yeah. That was incredible though. I wanted to clap and cheer, but the sound guys would have murdered me.” 

Carol laughed. “Thank you. That was really good too, when Skye kicked the yard sign down in anger at Bob earlier.” 

Daisy whispered. “Can you keep a secret?” 

Carol knew Daisy was teasing, possibly flirting, but the question took her aback. No one in Hollywood asks that question because everyone knows the answer. 

“Of course.” 

Daisy giggled. “That wasn’t in the script, I just felt like she would and couldn’t stop myself. I honestly tripped into it more than anything.” 

Carol giggled too. “That’s crazy. It looked completely planned. I was right there with her. Screw that guy.” 

“Dumb Bob,” Daisy sighed. “Never mess with a WonderGirl.” 

They were brought into the next scene, bursting into the diner with their powers and hunting down an enemy, but these little moments between them continued to break the ice, even warming to tentative friendship as the days and nights of long hours wore on. 

[skycas1noregular]

Doing an introduction post because I didn't before

Hi! I'm usually known as Sky Cas (Sky Casino Regular - AO3 username of mine). I decided to make a Tumblr acc because I have free will (as Nikolai would say), and because of easier interaction with BSD fandom.

The most important thing about me is that I write fanfiction, specifically Bungou Stray Dogs fanfiction. What's also an important information is that I have a co-writer with who I write those fics with, so I'm not entirely responsible for plot, but I am for most of the writing!

This blog will be focusing on BSD and fanfics, so here is my AO3 account!

Post is a bit longer but it's gonna be pinned so I want to put everything about me/this blog in one post!

🂡🂢🂣🂤🂥🂦🂧🂨🂩🂪🂩🂨🂧🂦🂥🂤🂣🂢🂡

DNI

Since I do write E rated stuff, sometimes M rated, my posts will also be of that nature. I don't feel comfortable interacting with people younger than 17, so please keep that in mind.

🂱🂲🂳🂴🂵🂶🂷🂸🂹🂺🂹🂸🂷🂶🂵🂴🂳🂲🂱

Favorite characters

Sigma

Nikolai

Fyodor

Shibusawa

Bonus: most "hated" character in my case is Dazai. Somehow, he always ends up being the bad guy in our fics.

Favorite ships

Fyosiglai

Siglai | Fyolai | Fyosig

Fyoshibu

Fyozai

Sigzai

I mostly write Fyosiglai or individual ships of theirs. I adore Fyoshibhu too, especially when it's one-sided.

Bonus: I don't like SKK nor do I intend writing about them (I do have one work, though).

🃑🃒🃓🃔🃕🃖🃗🃘🃙🃚🃙🃘🃗🃖🃕🃔🃓🃒🃑

What I write

Mostly smut, sometimes with plot, sometimes just shameless one without plot. Depends on the day and the fic. Sometimes angst because I love hurting people and myself with my words :) And sometimes fluff, but that turns into smut real quick. Overall, I am mostly focused on ships.

I have my fair share of AU fanfics, so most of them aren't set in canon universe.

I do tend to start something new and I do kind of push back some fics that I'm working on, but I do try to post updates to most at least once a month!

Fics of mine (ours)

Some of them, my favorite ones. If you want to see all of them, feel free to check my AO3

DOA game nights - fic with most kudos, smut with undertones of plot (the plot will come later on, though). Of course it's Fyosiglai :)

A new Angel of the Decay - sadly not everyone's cup of tea, but me and my co-writer adore this family drama we came up with, and our dear Theo (Fyosiglai's kiddo)

Series "Diary of Angels"

A whole AU focused on Fyosiglai; from Fyolai meeting in high school, them being in college, finding Sigma, becoming fwb, and later lovers, then a married couple with their dear Theo. Currently has around 160k words!

🂡🂢🂣🂤🂥🂦🂧🂨🂩🂪🂩🂨🂧🂦🂥🂤🂣🂢🂡

Messages/questions/requests

I am more than happy to interact with BSD fans and people with same intrests, the same with people who read my works, so don't hesitate to contact me, talk to me via messages, or ask questions at that ask thingy!

I don't do any fic requests because my ass can't write what it doesn't want to, so I won't pressure myself into doing that, at least not yet.

But I'm more than happy to talk about most themes, prompts, headcanons, and all that.

Posts

Right now, I'm posting things from my Kinktober, and I will be promoting my works here. But I will also post my random thoughts and things that are too short for AO3 (or are just not "worthy" publishing there).

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I think that's all? I hope I didn't leave anything out that's important.

So bye bye!

I did leave something out, actually!!

I cosplay! And since this blog is mostly BSD, I'll post my BSD cosplays here and there :3

[harry-sussex]

Okay guys, as promised, another long post! Day 2, another one of the craziest days of my life - brace yourselves. This is a wild ride from start to finish - I put my blood, sweat, and tears (literally) into this one.

On Friday, I did a lot - I headed to the National Gallery (where I cried, like a lot, you know how much I love art), and then I went to BP and the mall to scope out locations and check out the vibe for the coronation, and then I met @duchessofostergotlands for dinner (she’s as fun, hilarious, and sweet as you’d expect, we had a blast).

After dinner, I decided I’d head on over to Parliament / Big Ben / the London Eye / etc. just to do the touristy thing, because why not?

I spent about an hour just roaming about, basking, doing whatever when I decided to head on over to the Abbey, just to check it out, see with my own two eyes the place where William and Catherine got married, where the coronation was going to happen, all that.

So I’m just roaming about, staring at the Abbey (which is massive and beautiful, by the way), chatting with some policemen and also texting @claireofluxembourg and @cambridgemadness about how crazy it all was and how it didn’t seem real and just how different things are now, you know?

In the middle of our conversation, I get this absolutely PANICKED text from Vanessa:

So I immediately freak out and call them both and they’re like SOS RED ALERT THIS IS NOT A DRILL GO GO GO GO GO so all three of us are at the same time looking at the fastest route from the Abbey to Oswald’s while on the phone and I’m sprinting in whichever direction I saw first and it’s no joke 23 minutes on foot and not worth waiting for the tube. So I start booking it, and I mean BOOKING it while V and Ara are on the phone trying to find a route while I’m just going going going. And they’re telling me who was spotted going in and what time the royals got there and when they think they’d leave, the whole conversation was just a rapid, frenzied SOS THIS IS NOT A DRILL SOUND THE ALARMS RED ALERT GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO. So I’m on the phone with two people and it’s pitch black minus the (very occasional) street lamp and I am not even looking at anything other than Google Maps on my phone. Before I knew it, I was crossing the bridge at St. James’ Park and as I’m getting to the other side I am still booking it SO quickly and I’m not paying attention to anything other than my phone and I am most definitely NOT watching where I was walking and it was so dark that I literally SLAMMED myself, full force, RIGHT into one of those black metal bollards at 100mph. I didn’t stand a chance of catching myself so I go flying, my bag goes flying, and I land on my hands and knees (but like, my knuckles, which are still scratched to hell btw). The whole thing hurt like hell (my right knee is legit purple lmao) but I somehow managed to hang onto my phone. So without hesitating for even a second I IMMEDIATELY got up, completely ignored my battle wounds, and frantically started grabbing my stuff while shouting “YES I’M FINE IT’S FINE EVERYTHING IS FINE” to the 5 million people yelling “ARE YOU OKAY??” from every corner of the park. I legit didn’t even stop - this woman almost had to chase me down because my wallet (!!) went flying and I didn’t even notice amid the chaos.

Unfortunately (but hilariously), I am still on the phone with Vanessa and Arantxa while the commotion is happening and they heard the whole thing, including my body slamming into first the bollard and then the pavement and my “oof” as I’m going down and then the groan once I’d landed and of course they are both crying laughing, which is where this post came from (I am also laughing out loud reading this as I’m writing lmao):

So at this point I’m bleeding, I’m half limping, I’m breathing heavy and sweating because I’m booking it, I almost lost my wallet, I’m still more than 10mins from Oswald’s, and I’m crying laughing at myself while Vanessa and Arantxa are dying laughing at me and honestly that part alone, battle wounds and all, was one of the highlights of my entire trip because let me tell you, it was HILARIOUS - nothing like uncontrollably cracking up with your friends even when they’re thousands of miles away.

Anyway, so I eventually make it to Albemarle Street and get to Oswald’s in one piece and relatively okay considering the earlier incident - I was still bleeding, though. I saw a few paps, some Range Rovers and Audis, plenty of protection officers and security, and maybe 5 regular people like me taking iPhone pictures on the sidewalk. So I found my spot and flung myself in between these two fancy cars across the street and slightly to the left of the entrance. I had my phone in my hand still (I literally did not put it down for a single second in more than 24 hours lmao) so I immediately start snapping pics while Arantxa and I are yelling about God only knows what. Vanessa had to hang up (I was so sad) but Arantxa stayed on the phone with me the entire time - poor thing had to listen to the whole commotion for more than an hour.

So I’m frantically snapping pictures without looking and when I finally get situated I look up I see Crown Prince Akishino and Crown Princess Kiko of Japan just like… standing there. Less than 20 feet away from me. Right across the street, on the sidewalk, like the world had decided “this is really not a big deal.” So naturally I’m completely starstruck and I couldn’t find any words so I’m just yelling “JAPAN!!! JAPAN!!! to Arantxa on the phone while she was also yelling into the abyss. Honestly I wish I could see security footage of this because the vision of me yelling on the sidewalk and her yelling on the phone was probably the comedy show of the century.

So eventually it occurs to me that they’re, like, literal people, who actually exist, who can hear and see and communicate just like I can, standing right in front of me, so I just start bellowing “HIIIIII!!!!” from across the street, waving so enthusiastically, and they looked at me and made eye contact and smiled! The Crown Prince and Crown Princess of Japan smiled at me! Acknowledged my presence! Communicated with me! Knew I existed, for even just a moment, can you believe it?

I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why nobody else on the street was saying hi - even after I said hi and waved, I figured somebody else would get the idea too, but nope - it was just me in an absolute tizzy, frantically waving and saying hi and using their names and telling them to have fun at the coronation and whatnot. I found out later that the women next to me were only there for the Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau (lol), so they had no clue who these other people were (fun fact, he never came out). They weren’t even fun about it - they were kind of judgmental about it. “Oh, you run a royal blog? I don’t care about any of these people.” They tried to be a buzzkill, but not on my weekend - no way.

Before I knew it, the royals just kept coming, and I just kept yelling and saying hi and waving, because why not, you know? Once in a lifetime, what was I going to do? Play coy? Act shy? Act like I didn’t know who they were even though I’ve known for years? Please. Literally - you only live once. When was I ever going to get the chance to see them again? Much less all at once?

And seriously, they just kept coming. At one point I was begging Arantxa to write it all down and I was also frantically trying to write in my little notebook and snap photos and pay attention without missing anything important (more on that last part later). All of the pictures are awful because I wasn’t looking at my phone while snapping them, I was just looking at the door, but you’ll see.

After Crown Prince Akishino and Crown Princess Kiko:

Prince and Princess Michael of Kent - I didn’t say anything to Princess Michael, of course (she got in on the other side of the car anyway), but I did say hi to Prince Michael and told him to enjoy the coronation and he waved and smiled at me!

Then came King Jigme Khesar Namgyel Wangchuck and Queen Jetsun Pema of Bhutan. I said hi and waved at first and they both honestly seemed quite shy, but then I bellowed YOU LOOK SO PRETTY!! at the Queen and she smiled at me!! She really is so stunningly beautiful. Like, so beautiful.

And after that… came Prince Andrew, The Duke of York. I don’t know why I wasn’t expecting that, but I wasn’t, and it took me a minute to figure it out and once I did, I literally gasped out loud and said “it’s Andrew” to nobody in particular (except Arantxa I guess lol), but yeah. I didn’t say a thing to him of course, just took pictures. He didn’t look up at anyone or make a single expression or anything - he and his team booked it to his car at the far end of the road which was in the complete opposite direction of the paparazzi. I didn’t think a 60 year old man could move that fast without breaking a sweat (lol) - top right is him keeping his head down and bottom right is the best shot I could get of his team absolutely sprinting to the car on the far end of the street:

I will forever, forever, forever, FOREVER be furious at myself about this next one. 2 days later and I am still absolutely dumbfounded and so, so, so pissed at myself. I saw this guy and I thought it was Grand Duke Henri of Luxembourg - I couldn’t tell though, so I was absolutely fixated on it. He went right, and I was snapping pictures so I could figure it out later, and I didn’t look left. Didn’t even think of it again until later when I was scrolling through my pictures. Spoiler alert, it was not Grand Duke Henri. Not only that, but even worse - leaving to the left at the same time were King Carl XIV Gustaf and Crown Princess Victoria of Sweden - aka half the reason why I booked it over there (wounds and all), because Victoria is, of course, one of my favorites. I’m absolutely furious at myself - I cannot believe I wasted my eyesight on a random guy who I thought was Grand Duke Henri when CROWN PRINCESS VICTORIA was RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE!!!

So of course I didn’t get to wave or say hi to her because I didn’t even SEE HER because I am an IDIOT and I cannot stop thinking about the idea that she may have seen me waving to all of these people and saying hi and that she might think I have no idea who she is because I DO and I am so SAD that I didn’t get to say hi to her. AND I booked it all the way across London and fell and got bruised and bloodied specifically for her (see Arantxa’s post lol), and I didn’t even realize because I was looking at someone who wasn’t even the person I thought he was! And I’m far less interested in him! But here she is, with her father, proof that she was in front of me, which doesn’t really matter a lot in the grand scheme of my weekend, but I guess it’s something.

After, Crown Prince Haakon and Crown Princess Mette-Marit of Norway came out. I was SO excited to see them - the Norwegians are my next favorite royal family after the Brits, so my excited “HI HAAKON!! HI METTE-MARIT!!!” plus my frantic waving maybe have been a little too much for the average person, but Mette-Marit was totally unbothered by my nonsense! She made eye contact, smiled, laughed, AND waved back!! She was so sweet I can’t stand it. I always thought she seemed like a sweetheart but her reaction was one of the best parts of my night. They both got in the car on the other side of the street so I didn’t get to see her too closely in person but her hair is so pretty! So blonde and shiny!! Side note - have no idea if I pronounced either of their names right - ‘Met-tee Marie’? ‘Met-eh Marie’? ‘Met Mur-it’? ‘Hay-con’? Hah-con?’ - who knows, but I tried. I said “Hah-con” and “Met Marie”.

Then came (in this order) Vice Admiral Sir Timothy Laurence and Princess Anne, The Princess Royal. I about fell over when I saw Tim - the guy is HUGE! We knew this, it’s not news, but he’s about 10 feet taller than Anne. He came out solo at first and I literally gasped and yelled “TIM!! VICE ADMIRAL, HI!!!” It was definitely too much for dignified, stoic Tim lol but he did say hi out loud, didn’t really smile or nod but he did look in my general direction, no eye contact. He went back inside I guess to fetch Anne because they both came out and I absolutely lost it with Anne! “HI ANNE!! ENJOY TOMORROW!!!” She absolutely ignored me in the most Anne way possible, didn’t even flinch, I might as well have not been there at all. The most typical Anne response to a frantic American yelling her name from across the street - I’m not even upset that she outright ignored me, I almost would’ve been disappointed if she did anything more. It wouldn’t have matched the vision of her personality that’s in my head - happy we’ve been right all these years. No-nonsense Anne (and trust me, I was giving nothing but nonsense). Anne - the biggest badass on earth.

Afterwards came Crown Prince Frederik and Crown Princess Mary of Denmark. Mary is PRETTY, like so so so pretty. Her hair is absolutely stunning. I completely forgot that we usually call Frederik “Fred” and I totally butchered his name when I said hi, so it came out “HI FRED-*stutter*-RICK!” which didn’t make any sense at all, it came out as jumbled, gargled nonsense. I got it together with Mary though because I was like “MARY!!! HI!! YOU’RE SO PRETTY!! ENJOY TOMORROW!!!!!” Mary looked genuinely delighted to see me, almost like she couldn’t believe that anyone on the sidewalk had any clue who she was. Their car was a bit closer to my side of the road - more in the middle lane than the left lane - so I got such a good look at her face and we made such direct eye contact and her face like lit up!! She waved and smiled and said hello out loud and I could hear her plain as day and she was just such a bright ray of sunshine, it made my night! What an absolute sweetheart! I was so happy to see her and wave to her and have such an interaction that I literally blacked out and forgot about the pics until they got in the car and drove off so I only have the picture of the car below - you can kind of see Fred’s head through the rear window, but that’s about it.

And then The Duke and Duchess of Edinburgh, The Lady Louise Mountbatten-Windsor, and James, Earl of Wessex. I saw James through the door first and he’s just so adorable. After a few ins and outs of the door by security, Edward came out first, and at this point, I didn’t care how I looked because they’d all been so nice so far! Edward smiled, that made me happy, I feel like crowds probably don’t go crazy for him too often. And then Sophie - she outright WAVED and smiled and made eye contact, and I caught it on camera!! I told her to enjoy tomorrow and she is the only one of the bunch I remembered to call “Your Royal Highness.” She’s also so pretty. Like smiley! Happy! I didn’t say anything to James because he is a child, but I waved just in case - he kept his head down though, definitely a shy little thing. I also gently said hi to Louise (not as frantically as I did to her parents and everyone else) and she gave me like a half not-smile but that’s okay because it must have been so weird to see someone like me across the street from her.

The last group to come out with security was Princess Beatrice, Edoardo Mapelli-Mozzi, Princess Eugenie, and Jack Brooksbank. I was… mildly surprised and definitely bummed with this group. I wasn’t expecting much from Jack but I thought I’d get something out of the rest of them, some kind of smile or nod or something, but nope. I know they don’t owe me anything, but I was kind of bummed that they didn’t acknowledge anything. I even yelled my congratulations to Eugenie and Jack on their pregnancy and they didn’t flinch, but not in a fun way (like Anne). Not sure what I was expecting - maybe my expectations were different because everyone else generally seemed mildly happy to acknowledge a fan? I don’t know, but it bummed me out. As an aside, Beatrice’s hair is just as pretty in person - if not more - than it is in the photos.

So after the York princesses and their husbands left, security and the paparazzi scattered pretty quickly. I stuck around for quite a while, but when the restaurant’s security started getting into a van to leave, I went and asked one of them if Crown Princess Victoria was still in there (because, at the time, I had no clue she had already left because I am dumb). He told me nobody was left in there, so I sat down on a stoop and rambled to Arantxa about how that was the most badass day and just hung out outside for a while. I was out there for I don’t know, 15 minutes after security left? I just sat on the stoop looking at my phone and then out of nowhere I looked up and saw Mike and Zara Tindall walking out of Oswald’s! No security! And not only that, they didn’t even get into a car! They just walked down the street like it was absolutely no big deal! I was so surprised to see them - I wasn’t expecting anyone else because the security guard said nobody was left inside. So I jumped up and yelled “ZARA!! MIKE!! HI!!!” and they both waved and smiled! They then posed for a picture for someone across the street (I got the back end of it, so sweet) and just went on their merry way.

So all in all, I saw TWENTY-FIVE (25!!!!!!!) royals and royal adjacents on Friday:

Crown Prince Akishino of Japan

Crown Princess Kiko of Japan

Prince Michael of Kent

Princess Michael of Kent

King Jigme Khesar Namgyel Wangchuck of Bhutan

Queen Jetsun Pema of Bhutan

Prince Andrew, The Duke of York

King Carl XIV Gustaf of Sweden

Crown Princess Victoria of Sweden

Crown Prince Haakon of Norway

Crown Princess Mette-Marit of Norway

Princess Anne, The Princess Royal

Vice Admiral Sir Timothy Laurence

Crown Prince Frederik of Denmark

Crown Princess Mary of Denmark

Prince Edward, The Duke of Edinburgh

The Duchess of Edinburgh

The Lady Louise Mountbatten-Windsor

James, The Earl of Wessex

Princess Beatrice, Mrs. Mapelli-Mozzi

Edoardo Mapelli-Mozzi

Princess Eugenie, Mrs. Brooksbank

Jack Brooksbank

Zara Tindall

Mike Tindall

That doesn’t include the coronation or any of the other incredible things and people I got to see this weekend. Just Friday night, on the side of the road, among a whopping 10 people looking to see and greet royalty from all over the world. What a wild ride. I will never see this many of them in one place ever again. It is likely I never will see any of them ever again. It is also likely that I never would have seen most of them in my lifetime. Even if I did see them at another time in this life, I never would have gotten the chance to greet them and say hi and have some form of non-verbal communication with most of them without Vanessa and Arantxa’s tip-off to head to Oswald’s and without that now-infamous sprint through St. James’ Park. I didn’t leave until midnight, with the coronation the next day, and I don’t regret it a bit. That’s a story for another time, though.

Blood, sweat, and tears, baby. Blood, sweat, and tears. I still cannot believe how lucky I was and how lucky I am. Worth it? Absolutely - worth every second. Battle wounds and all.