#and i feel like im making a mountain out of a mole hill

[applejongho]

dunno how to articulate my thoughts without sounding mean but i'll try my best; it's so exciting when jh tries a new color and it's also exciting when he also seems to be enjoying it, but i think a problem in fandom culture in general is that need to have ownership over your [thing you like], in this case, jh, a real person. like you can be sad that jh is losing or toning down his purple hair because it was a good color and he looks good, but also at the end of the day it's his hair on his head and what he wants to do w his hair is his business only.

i say this because jh said in the latest radio station that he is going to tone down his purple hair in a few days, not because he doesnt like the color, but because his hair grows outward, a common thing that happens with your hair when you are of asian or hispanic descent. he needs down perms to literally "put down" the hair instead of it sticking straight out of his head. and down perms can fuck with the color if it's dyed.

so with this in mind, jh keeps his hair "boring" and black because he would rather his hair not be sticking straight out of his head and he doesnt want to sacrifice more time at the salon for color correction when it can just be his natural color. and thats really valid of him, just as it's valid of any other member or kpop idol to constantly dye their hair. it's his choice just like theirs and fans should respect his choice more.

[todayisafridaynight]

never think of ichi getting a haircut and being upset with the result while getting your own hair cut lest you also be cursed with a cut You Did Not Want

[kaustic]

me, when i thought i’d be able to go to class today but i actually can’t walk

[peachyteabuck]

Thank you for being so open to receiving this ask. I know my own experiences and know that I might disagree with your opinions/advice if you reply, but I don’t really have anyone IRL who has changed their name for non-marriage related reasons. And I just wanted your perspective, if you’re willing to give it. (Also, I’m so sorry for how long this is in advance. If this is too much, please feel free to ignore it.)

For some backstory, as long as I can remember, I haven’t liked my first name/birth name. I never really felt it fit me. I thought it was too frilly for someone like me, I guess? I just didn’t see myself as someone who has this name (it’s a semi-popular, more traditional one). But I’ve never felt as feminine(? that’s not quite the right word, maybe girly?) as the name connotes.

Recently, I’ve been musing about changing my surname (for other personal reasons) and I thought over the surname Dust (I liked the combination of Rose Dust or Star Dust, I don’t know). Which then transformed into the name Dusty as I kept thinking. I don’t know what happened in my brain, something just went ‘click’. But I don’t exactly know what it means or how I feel. I mean, as far as I identify, I’m about 98% sure I’m a cis woman (which grappling with gender is a whole other thing) and think Dusty is kinda a strange name with some less than stellar connotations—like dust is gross. So I don’t even know what my brain is doing. 

I’ve always gravitated toward more androgynous/unisex names, so I don’t know if that’s what’s happening right now or if it might be something deeper. You chose your own name, so I guess what all this word vomit is asking is if you could sorta describe what it was like for you to pick yours? Like, how did you know it was right? Or was it just something that you stumbled into? It’s very possible that I’m making a mountain out of a mole hill. I’ve just never seen someone deal with this in my personal life and everyone online seems to have this sort of thing figured out.

(Also, on a side note, I hope your student teaching is going well! I work at a school so I know it’s a different experience for everyone, especially depending on grade level. Best of luck in that, though!)

okay, two things:

know my advice comes from the perspective of me never changing my name legally. i likely won't until i get married for real (because im probably also changing the last name as well), if i even get married at all

the real story is I was using fake names online (online safety y'all) and was moving slowly through the names of 5sos band members and, suddenly, got the gumption to email my art teacher to call me by a different name than my birth one. he promptly outed me to the vice principal who outed me to my parents. i got here on luck and luck alone.

to me, you just have to hope what you've picked is decent enough to hear it all the time.

what's in a name? do you want friends smiling when they say it? do you want baristas yelling it out into a crowded coffee shop in front of everyone and god? do you want lovers to moan it? do you want stupid AI on streaming services and websites and your email wishing that name a good morning? do you want it on birthday cards and post cards from friends and your contact in people's phones? do you want it on medical bills and paychecks and the biceps of those you've wooed?

you don't have to like your name, a lot of people don't and live with it just fine. for me, a lot of identity is in my name. it represents a hardship that changed me forever. it represents my ability advocate for myself. it represents my lesbianism and gender conformity in a way i can't hide. it is here, always, in 25 pt font at the bottom of every email i send. it is a promise to myself at 11 and 13 and 18 and 21.

[paint-music-with-me]

How did writing a fic abt a skirt evolve into me legit questioning my gender (AGAIN) and how valid I am as an individual going through this personal shit (AGAIN)???

[mushroom-winners-proof]

i’d like to make a sincere and genuine apology to the KH community im so sorry i thought it was wack to encourage people to play all the games i was an immense fool and i took that standard for granted

[alienbrainwave]

.

[suga-kookiemonster]

Idk if I’d consider unpopular opinions toxic though unless there straight up mean like degrading idols or talking down about the physically. Ppl are allowed to respectfully have an opinion that differs yours. And as an adult again as long as it’s not mean you should be able to accept it...you don’t have to agree though! Im a bts fan and don’t agree with everything/ think the boys are perfect/OR necessarily love everything they do. All fandoms but esp this one is so damn sensitive. 🤷🏽‍♀️

yes, i totally agree with you. and as i’ve stated multiple times and also have in my FAQ, i’m not here for all the back and forth discourse shit because it takes the enjoyment out of the thing we’re all here to enjoy. so, i make a conscious decision to scroll past and ignore all drama (just like i almost ignored this ask, to be honest). obviously i’m going to agree with one side or another in any argument, but half the time i feel like people in this fandom just argue because they like to hear their own voices. yes, there are certain topics that definitely need to be spoken up on, but i swear to god, i see people pick fights and make mountains out of mole hills just because they wanna run their mouths. like, girl. SHUT UP. literally shut up, no one cares and it’s not that serious 🤦🏽‍♀️

this is exactly why i try to curate chill spaces and create my own safe spaces and request that people not bring that mess to me!

[dragaoel]

 Jun'ichirō, aka Jun (- Silverdell)

the volume of the radio slowly dwindles down and only static noise is left to be heard

"those are dangerous words"

"not for him " Anja replies, her head laying on her outstretched arm that's on the table , her whole posture the embodiment of laziness. "loved ones always have it easier here"

"Not always" Jun says grimly and glances out of the window" it's because he's an outsider that he's allowed more freedom than any of us"

"aren't you a loved one too?"

Jun sighs deeply and turns towards the albino girl. For a second ,pain , frustration and a hint of panic can be seen in his eyes before it vanishes. He lets out a bitter laugh.

"and you saw where that lead me to,half dead in a ditch"

INTRODUCTION JUN : 

half japanese half black

has waist long black thick hair and brown skin 

has a ‘’prince in anguish’’ aura but masks it with him being over the top ridiculous and dramatic

is 5′11

born 12th october (libra)

‘‘the risk i took was calculated, but man, am i bad at math’‘

Jun is my favourite character, i made him on a whim as a side character in a old story and then i started using him more and more as a background character until i realized the potential he had. He's also one of the character whom i put into a lot of  different aus, the most favourite one was where he was a vampire who loved laying in the garden and eat roses all day

Rukiya (-Though the god’s have left)

‘‘i have dreams about them’‘ Rukiya says and plucks a string on her bass. The deep note rumbles through the room and her short curls moves along as she drops her head lower 

‘‘i'm high in the sky, looking down onto a land that seems oh so familiar, with people screaming at me asking me to help them’‘

‘’do you understand them? ‘’ a band member asks

‘‘weirdly i do’‘ Rukiya answers ‘‘ it seems to be in my native language but also not, as if it was way before everything happened, you know, the ancient time’‘ 

INTRODUCTION RUKIYA :

Out of the both of them Rukiya is the older twin by 4 minutes

she’s also the artsy one than her sister whos into sports

wears black literally 24/7 and has dark circles despite sleeping enough

is 5′9

is black (kenyan) 

mole on the left side of her cheek

fluent in her native tongue kiswahili 

Majors in Film

loves anything that has to do with space nd aliens

born 24th january (aquarius)

has a sweet tooth

*cocks gun* ‘’basements haunted’’

i like the idea of twins that are completely the opposite of each other. Rukiya just like Imara have a big chunk of my personality in them, it's just that i lean more towards Rukiya than Imara. 

Akiho (-Though the god’s have left)

Kneeling down, she cocks her head to the side, her eyes cold and her lips pressed into a thin line ‘’ dont think your actions won't have consequences’’ she sneers ‘’ the next time i see you harassing another girl again i'll make you wish you were never born’’ 

Akiho dusts herself , picks up the bat , glances one last time at the boy laying on the floor and walks away, the echoes of her shoes the only noise to be heard

INTRODUCTION AKIHO :

is 5′4

majors in theater

her fashion style is y2k

is the other one of the dumbass duo

has freckles on her nose

is japanese

doesn't like sweet things usually eats traditional sweets made by her mom or things that are sour/bitter, but salty food has to be spicy asf

born, 14th april (aries)

her side teeth are really pointy

has long peach colored straight hair

‘‘I’d sell you to satan for one corn chip’‘

Akiho comes from a family of 3, she's the youngest sibling and she has that energy. She likes to play with her oldest brother children, doesn't want any on her own though. will fight anyone who is disrespectful, esp towards women 

Hyunjin (-Though the god’s have left)

The tall girl slumps her body onto her girlfriend shoulder, watching her fry the fish in the pan into charcoal. Hyunjin wrinkles her nose in a attempt to push the glasses up without having to actually touch them, before she sighs deeply. 

‘‘Just-’‘ she starts and softly takes ‘‘let me do it, otherwise you'll burn the kitchen down like last time’‘

Praveena puffs her cheeks up ‘’that actually wasn't my fault, it was the gasherd-’’

‘‘i know i know’‘ Hyunjin chuckles and kisses her cheek ‘‘but i have a exam tomorrow and i would like not not have an indigestion’‘ she frowns and flips the fish over and sighs. It seems the fish can’t be saved anymore. 

INTRODUCTION HYUNJIN :

korean

has short dyed blue hair, but the back part is longer than the front part.

is ‘5′10

majors in engineering technology

born 14th may (taurus)

has literally no sense of style and wears glasses cause she has a slight astigmatism that you can't really see

has a mole next to her right eye

‘‘a financially unstable mess but at the liquor store they call me ma’am’‘

honestly out of all the characters i draw hyunjin the most. In the beginning  she  had shoulder length but then i shortened it because i liked it more. She's an only child and her mother runs a bakery while her father works in a office. She's the calm type that's constantly tired because she never sleeps 

Praveena  (-Though the god’s have left)

She shuffles the cards and lays them out on the table. The customers sees the fool, the moon and the star. Praveena touches them with her fingertips ‘’ you seem to be either at the beginning or at the end of a new journey ’’ she pauses and thinks ‘’but either way you're prepared for what is to come’’

The customers nods ‘’i'm soon moving away from this city’’

‘‘I see’‘ Praveena counters and points at the next card ‘‘the moon indicates that you’re hesitant  and fearful in your decision, there might be something from the past that is holding you back and influencing you in the present and possibly the future

the customer tenses up, her eyes fixed on the card and her lips tight

‘‘though’‘ Praveena continues ‘‘at the end you’ll be at peace and glad that you pushed through all the turbulences 

INTRODUCTION PRAVEENA : 

tamil ,dark skin with long wavy violet dyed hair

Hyunjin’s girlfriend

has calm energy but is also very erratic 

loves astrology & tarot

majors in psychology

5′5

born 20 july (cancer)

has droopy eyes

‘‘god cant help you now’‘

i made praveena cause i wanted a harmonious wlw couple, that have that ‘’old married pair’’ plus out of all the ocs those two are the ones that i drew first. Praveena has the tendency to blow things up how though is a mystery and hyunjin always has to clean up everything. 

Imara (-Though the god’s have left)

‘‘no listen, it doesn't make sense why would you wear a bra and some tight ass pants knowing you’re about to fight people who have knives and GUNS?’’ Imara asks perturbed.

‘‘Cause men are horny’‘ Rukiya retorts and raises an eyebrow

‘‘still doesn't make sense like wow!, some fucking boobs, like really? really? is that what gets you going? just some breast pressed up in a bra that is too damn tight and a flat stomach on a skinny ass girl that has absolute no muscles despite the training she went through?

Rukiya sighs ‘’ is this about-’’

‘‘lara croft yes’‘ Imara interrupts and slams her finger on the table ‘‘and im going to die on this hill that men shouldn't be allowed to create games!’‘

INTRODUCTION  IMARA:

plays games a lot, esp the loz series

has curly dyed blonde hair that's mostly tied in a ponytail  or a bun because she cant be bothered with it, though rukiya helps her all the time cause she never really learned how to deal with curly hair. 

Is on a baseball sponsorship because she's that good (she's a pitcher)

is totally tone deaf unlike her twin

isnt good with crows ie: strangers crowding around her after her team won a game

is kenyan

5′9

has a mole next to her upper lips on the left side

loves 90's rnb & hip hop music

‘‘he proclaimed his undying love and asked me to do the same, i had to overcome my desire to laugh’‘

Imara does have a slight complex about being a twin because she feels like Rukiya is the cooler one despite people loving her too. She's loud and boisterous basically a chad, but better. She's dorky and literally spends her free time gaming but she doesn't just play any game shes v specific when it comes to that. Her mom always has a headache because of her but thats okay but in the end her mom loves her to death.

Ava (-Though the god’s have left)

‘’do you you know how much it's sucks that at the end of all of this , i'm the one waiting for them?’’ Ava exclaims ‘’that i'm the one who will have to watch them go through the door to be evaluated? that i'm ultimately the end?

‘‘you’re not all alone-’‘

‘‘you don't understand’’ Ava interrupts, as she points at the short girl ‘’ i will have to watch my mom, my family that raised me go through that door and know that that will be the last time i will see them in that body!’’

INTRODUCTION  AVA:

She’s haitian 

keeps her hair in a short chin length dark blue bob

majors in sociology 

she and akiho are the ‘’comedy duo’’ of the group

is 5′6

born 4th november (scorpio)

‘‘my only crime was that i was down to clown’‘ 

When i make akiho i felt like she needed a companion so i made ava, both of them were inspired by the early 2000 shows characters. Although Ava likes to goof around she's also very studious and serious about her future. She comes from a family of 6 and she’s the second oldest. She and her older sister fight constantly 

Nïrnaya (Dawn over the horizon)

‘‘Magic’‘ the elf stars, her tall stature hunched over the herbs ‘’ is in the nature we’re surrounded in, in the mountains that stand high and the rivers that flow into the deep sea’’

she straightens up and walks over to Nïrnaya ‘’ we might lose everything.’’ She pokes the girl on the forehead ‘’but magic will forever stay with you because its the core of your being‘’ 

INTRODUCTION NÏRNAYA :

shes a mischievous 15 year old 

 has black curly long hair that are mostly braided

does not want to do this whole adventure thing because of how it reminds her too much of the ‘’chosen one trope’’ and thats too much responsibilities

born during the year of the earth dragon

‘‘snacking between meals is the least, but tastiest, of my problems’‘ 

i came up with this story and character because i wanted a book where a black girl for once was the main character, where she could experience the same thing as other mc (ie eragon etc) basically i wanted black representation in a medieval-esque world but with my own spin because the world itself is not very western like

[crystalninjaphoenix]

One Short Day

A JSE Fanfic

Yay, I wrote something that isn’t connected to pain for once in my life! Or at least, the most you get are hints and maybe a moment. I was planning on working on something else, but...I don’t know, I just felt like I needed something softer, and I’m sure there are people who need that too. So behold, an attempt at mostly-fluff! I just wanted to write the boys having fun out on the town, simple enough ^-^

It was rare that there was a full day they could all be together. A day where Schneep wasn’t working, Chase wasn’t recording, Marvin didn’t have a show, and Jackie didn’t have to bolt off at the last minute to do heroic vigilantism. A day where they could just do whatever they wanted, all of them, together.

They met up at Jackie’s apartment building. Naturally, JJ arrived first, then Schneep and Chase at about the same time. Just when they were starting to get worried, Marvin showed up, sprinting up to the group and skidding to a halt beside them.

“Late again, I see?” Jackie said when Marvin finally caught his breath. “Maybe we should just tell you we’re meeting thirty minutes earlier than we actually are.”

“Gimme a break.” Marvin rolled his eyes. “My phone was out of battery so I couldn’t check the time, then I got distracted.”

Jackie raised an eyebrow. “With what?”

“Um...” Marvin looked away, embarrassed. “I may have started playing Plague Inc...for an hour...or more.”

“Dude. Set a timer next time or something,” Chase said. “Ask JJ if you can borrow one of his watches if you have to, I dunno, anything.”

“Enough of this, we are wasting minutes,” Schneep said, checking his own watch. “Jackie decided what to do, what is it?”

Jackie immediately brightened. “Okay, so, we all know JJ hasn’t seen much of the town.” Everyone nodded. “So I thought we could give him the grand tour! Get lunch, go to the park, and I think the fair is open tonight so we can finish with that. That good with everyone?”

“So we’re just gonna walk all over town?” Chase asked. “Only two of us can drive, and none of us have a car right now.”

“Toughen up, Chase, walking’s good for you!” Marvin teased. “Right? Schneep, you’re a doctor, tell him I’m right.”

“He’s right,” Schneep said.

“See?!”

JJ snapped his fingers for attention. I thought we were wasting time? I certainly can’t lead the way, so I’ll ask one of you to.

“Right!” Jackie started off. “C’mon guys, lunch is waiting for us!”

They ended up at a local restaurant near the center of town called Kassie’s. It was a quaint little place, and since it was a warm day they decided to sit at a table outside. The chipper waitress gave them a plate of free fries, then took their order, and headed back inside.

“Is it just me, or is it kind of hot today?” Chase asked, fanning himself with some of the napkins.

“No, it’s not just you. God, I’m dying,” Jackie agreed.

“Jackie, you are not only wearing long sleeves, you are wearing two layers of them,” Schneep pointed out with a smile.

“Oh, you’re one to talk, Mr. Sweater-all-the-time!” Jackie rolled his eyes. “What about Jays? He’s got that vest/dress shirt on.”

JJ looked aghast. You four can run around and show your arms all you like, but I’ll have you know it isn’t proper for a gentleman!

“Are you implying we aren’t gentlemen?” Marvin asked, right before tossing a fry into the air and catching it in his mouth.

JJ raised an eyebrow. Indeed.

“I don’t care, it’s hot. I’m taking this off.” With a few flailing arms, Jackie pulled his hoodie over his head and tugged it off, revealing a Marvel-themed T-shirt underneath. “Ah. That’s better.” He looked around to see the others staring at him with wide eyes. “What?”

“Holy shit, Jackie!” Chase yelled. “Your arm!”

“Wh—oh fuck I forgot I was wearing short sleeves today.” Jackie looked down at his left arm. “Yeah, okay, I got scars, you can look all you want.”

“So that’s why I’ve never seen you in T-shirts,” Marvin realized. “Jackie, what the fuck happened?”

Jackie frowned, then coughed awkwardly. “Y’know...I’d rather not talk about it right now. Maybe later. Besides, Schneep already knows the story. ‘S how we met.”

“Honestly, you three are making mountains out of mole hills,” Schneep said. “Is fine now. You should see his torso, now those are scars.”

That only made the other three look more worried. Jackie sighed. “Look, guys, we’re having a fun day. We’re gonna have fun, and not gonna get all concerned, though I do appreciate it. And you—” he glared at Schneep “—need to stop saying that, ‘cause it makes it sound like I lost some epic battle instead of just having top surgery.”

Chase and Marvin relaxed in unison. “I’m still convinced you have, I dunno, fucking bullet scars or something,” Marvin muttered as Chase pulled the remains of the fries towards him.

“Oh yeah, but Schneep’s talking about the surgery. He’s done this before, and it’s no longer funny!” Jackie looked pointedly at Schneep when saying that last part, who just responded with a massive grin.

JJ was the only one who still looked concerned, but now that was paired with confusion. He looked around at the others. What is top surgery?

You could almost hear the hiss as the others all inhaled sharply in unison. They’d all forgotten for a moment that JJ didn’t know. Schneep cleared his throat. “Jackie, would you like to explain?”

“Right yeah. God, where do I start with this?” There was a slight pause in the conversation as the waitress returned with their food. The moment she was out of earshot, Jackie started up again. “Alright, so...” he leaned forward, hands clasped together, eyes wide and nervous. “You know how I call myself Jackieboy Man, right?”

JJ nodded. A moniker I never understood, but yes.

“Well, I didn’t always call myself that. Neither did anyone else. Because, well, they all thought that...I was a, uh, girl. Even I did. For the longest time I just sort of...accepted it. I only started to figure it out in high school. I got my first job, and one of the customers called me ‘that nice lady,’ and hearing it...just sort of surprised me. Like someone gave the wrong answer to a really easy test question. So...I started thinking, and eventually I realized that I wasn’t...actually a girl. That was when I renamed myself.”

JJ didn’t look any less confused. Why would they not understand that? Wouldn’t they be able to...see that you are not?

Jackie winced. “Well, no...you see, I...fuck.” Jackie put his head in his hands, took a deep breath, then looked up again. “I was born...in the wrong body. Top surgery is...it’s to get rid of the parts I didn’t want. Are you...are you getting this now?”

After a moment, JJ’s eyes widened. He nodded hesitantly.

“Okay. Good. Great.” Jackie sighed. “I don’t know if this word existed in the twenties, but nowadays we have ‘transgender’ as...a thing. When someone is something other than what their body is born as. I’m still a he. Or, just, anything but she, really. Literally call me anything but a girl. And please, don’t ask about what my name was before. Or what’s...down there. Those questions make me...really uncomfortable.”

My good man! JJ signed. Why would I do such a rude thing? And to my dear friend, nonetheless. 

Jackie’s shoulders slumped. He leaned back in his chair and exhaled in relief. He’d been dreading this conversation, but better to rip the bandaid off now. “Thanks, man. I...appreciate your understanding.”

JJ smiled. No trouble at all, Jackie! I may not fully grasp the concept, but that’s no reason to disrespect your wishes.

“If you want, I can answer questions. Just...later. And as long as you get I don’t represent everyone who’s trans.”

JJ nodded and gave a thumbs-up. There was silence for a moment, before Chase broke it by saying “Hey, guys, I made a Jenga tower out of fries.”

Schneep rolled his eyes, and immediately knocked over Chase’s tower.

“Aw you bitch!” Chase gasped. “You didn’t even play the game right!”

“Fuck your games. Actually eat the food like it’s supposed to be.”

“You’re just jealous cause you got a salad instead.”

“Maybe I am! Did you think of that?!”

“Dude, I just said I did!”

The rest of lunch was covered in the blanket of familiar banter. Jackie smiled to himself. God, he was so glad nothing changed.

About two hours later, the boys had made their way to the southern part of the city. That was where the park was. It had an official name, but everyone just called it “the park” because there was only one of them and it was shorter. The park itself was pretty big, with trees, paths, flowerbeds, and two playgrounds at either end.

Since it was the middle of the afternoon, there were quite a few families with young children hanging around, parents watching their kids climb all over the jungle gyms and pushing them on the swings. While Marvin and Jackie walked ahead, pulling JJ with them and talking his ears off, Chase and Schneep hung back a bit. Chase was staring at the families on the playground.

“Chase? Are you okay?” Schneep asked gently. 

“Yeah...yeah, I’m fine. It’s not a down day.” Schneep gave him a Look. “No, really! It’s just...y’know, seeing all the kids kinda bums me out. You know?”

“Of course I do, Chase,” Schneep said. He was probably the only one of the boys who did. “If you are feeling upset, you can go home.”

“No! God, no, that’s not what I meant at all. This has been good so far. I don’t want it to end.” Chase frowned. “Now I’m just...man. I’m starting to lose it.”

“Chase.” Schneep grabbed his hand. “If you are not enjoying yourself, we can always go do something more quiet. We would hate to push you to do something you are not up to.”

Chase considered it for a moment, then shook his head. “Nah, it’s not too bad. It helps that you guys are here, I think. But I’ll let you know...if it gets too much.”

Schneep gave him a long look, before finally judging that everything was alright. “Okay. You have to do that, or I am going to break into your home at night and yell at you for lying.”

“Okay, okay, I get the idea,” Chase laughed. He looked down at their clasped hands. “You’re not worried people are gonna think we’re a couple, then?”

“What? Oh. Is there no such thing as regular hand-holding in this country?! Besides, it should not fucking matter. Also you are not my type anyway.”

“Yeah, you’re not mine, either. You’re a guy.” Chase and Schneep both had a good laugh at that.

Marvin looked over his shoulder at the two of them. “Are you two gonna walk fast or what?”

“Or what,” Chase said with a smirk.

“Oh, you’re hilarious. A fucking comedic genius. Hey guys!” he said that last part to Jackie and JJ. “We’re gonna slow down so these two assholes can join us.”

“Marvin, how dare you,” Schneep said, mock-offended. “At least be more creative in your insulting us.”

“No.” The two mini-groups merged together to form the main group once again. “So what’re you two talking about?”

“Chase is worried that hand-holding makes a couple,” Schneep tattled.

“Bullshit,” Marvin stated. Jackie went “yeah!” in the background. JJ frowned at the use of language, but nodded. “What makes a couple is the kissing. And romantic interest in each other, which leads to the former.”

“You say, having not been on a date in at least five months,” Jackie muttered.

“Shut your stupid face, you...lovely person.” Marvin pulled his wand out of his pocket and twirled it, like he did when he was nervous. “We’ve all been kinda busy lately.”

“Yeah...that’s true,” Jackie sighed. “But maybe if you went out more, you could find someone you could go out with. Just once, if a commitment isn’t your thing right now.”

Marvin frowned. “Why in the wide world of wingmen would I go on a date once deliberately?”

“A night of fun?” Schneep suggested.

“With a complete stranger that I have no interest in? No. I need to have some intrigue in whoever they end up being.”

“None of you are gonna get anywhere with him,” Chase said. “He doesn’t get one-night stands.”

“Damn right I don’t! There’s no point!”

And it just seems improper, JJ signed. If you aren’t going to court someone, don’t approach them at all.

“Marvin! You have an ally!” Jackie gasped. 

“Good. Finally, someone who agrees with me.” Marvin held up his hand and, after a moment of figuring out, JJ high-fived it. “Yeah! There we go, you got it!”

Jackie checked the time on his phone. “Alright, it’s starting to get a bit late. If we want to get enough time at the fair, we’re gonna have to book it to the eastern side.”

They didn’t actually run the whole way there, despite Jackie wanting to. By the time they got to the fair the sun was starting to set. They bought tickets and headed inside, where the Ferris wheel and the roller coaster towered over the smaller rides and the carnival games. It was a weekday, but it was one of the first days the fair was open, so the fairgrounds were crowded but not packed.

Chase gasped. “Games. We can do the games first.”

You do realized they’re all rigged, right? JJ asked.

“Who cares? They’re fun! Games now.”

Soon, the others started to suspect that the reason Chase was so eager to play games was because he knew he would win every time. The dude was scarily good. A combination of sheer luck, skill, and fuck-it-let’s-take-a-chance-ness led to many more victories than the others, something Marvin and Schneep immediately called him out for.

“You are cheating, I am sure of it!” Schneep huffed, folding his arms.

“Nah, just have a knack for it. And, in this case, practice.” Chase tossed one of the wooden balls back and forth while he waited for the carnival worker to hand him his prize. “Ya gotta aim for a bit above the spot where the third jug sits on top of the other two, then throw hard. It’s a bit of an arc.”

“No, you’re a cheater,” Marvin asserted, muttering darkly.

“Aw, c’mon! Here, will this make you less salty?” Chase accepted his stuffed prize from the worker, then handed it right over to Marvin. “I got it for you! You like cats.”

Marvin glared down at the plushie. “You’re lucky it has a cute face,” he said.

“See?!” Chase smiled. He was actually having a good time. It was a good change of pace from the park.

Eventually, everyone had a prize except for JJ. They were running out of games to play, but then Jackie spotted one of those ‘find the ball under the shuffling cups.’ “Hey guys, you up for that one?”

JJ brightened. I’m actually quite skilled at those!

“Well, then, let’s go!” Jackie pulled him over, the others in tow.

The carnival worker was calling out the rules of the game. “You get one, you win one of these lovely roses, you get two in a row, you win one of these tiny fellows here, and you get three in a row, you win one of these adorable penguins! Step right up, step right up!”

“Hey!” Jackie waved to get the worker’s attention. “We want to play!”

“Well then, young sirs, the rules are simple. Keep your eye on the ball, see right here, right here, it’s under the middle cup. Now watch as I take the cup this way, then that, then this and oh look at that! It’s goin’ fast, it’s goin’ fast don’t lose it don’t lose it! Now, which one is the ball under?”

Jackie was fairly sure he knew where it was, but he turned to JJ anyway. “So, which one?” he asked.

JJ bit his lip, then reached forward to point at one of the cups...only for the worker to slap his hand away. “I’m sorry sir, please don’t touch the cups. To prevent tamperin’, see? Just tell me.”

JJ looked a bit stunned at the worker’s aggressive tone. But he signed It’s under the left one.

“Excuse me?”

“He says it’s under the left one,” Marvin jumped in.

“...ah, I see.” The worker lifted up the cup to reveal the ball. “Seems you were right. Do you want to try again?”

The boys glanced uneasily between each other. The worker’s tone had dropped from the polite-carnival talk to one that was a bit...short. She was also talking much slower than she was before, drawing out the vowel sounds. “He can hear you perfectly fine,” Chase said. “He just can’t talk.”

“Mmm...I see...” The worker pursed her lips. “Do you want to try again?”

They all nodded. The worker was silent this time as she shuffled the cups, faster than before. When she stopped, she looked at Jackie. “Which one is the ball under?”

Jackie had a vague idea where, but he wasn’t sure. “JJ, do you know?”

The left one again, JJ signed, less enthusiastically.

“The left,” Jackie translated.

The worker frowned as she revealed the ball under the left cup. “You boys aren’t cheating, are you? Those weird gestures seem like symbols.”

Marvin laughed bitterly. “Yeah, they’re symbols alright. They stand for words. Do you not know how sign language fucking works? He’s telling us the answers ‘cause he’s the best one at it. Now let’s do this one more time.”

The worker shuffled the cups impossibly fast. Once more, she asked Jackie where the ball was. This time, he had no idea, and just looked at JJ. JJ, in turn, stiffened a bit, eyes hardening. It’s under the right one, though I wouldn’t put it past her to sneak it up her sleeve.

“Right,” all the boys said in unison.

The worker reluctantly lifted up the rightmost cup to show the ball sitting underneath. “Congratulations,” she said dully. “You win one of the big prizes. What color do you want?”

Turquoise, JJ signed. “Turquoise,” Jackie translated.

They walked away from the booth in silence. After a few moments of walking, Marvin said, “I could totally put a curse on her.”

“No,” Jackie said firmly.

“Just one little spell. She can lose her voice for a week.”

JJ shook his head, then tucked his prize under his arm so he could use his hands to sign. Revenge is never the best answer. 

“It’s what she deserves!” Marvin snarled. “She was making that difficult on purpose. I saw her, she was going much slower with the customers before us. JJ, I’m so absolutely sorry on her behalf, cause god knows she’s not gonna fucking apologize.”

It’s okay, JJ insisted. Believe it or not, I’ve faced worse, especially in my day. They were much less friendly back then.

“I am sure you are not using that word in the correct meaning,” Schneep mumbled.

Marvin shoved his hand into the pocket containing his wand. “One hex. Come on. Just one. I won’t even make her ears fall off or anything.”

Everyone refused to let Marvin curse the carnival worker, and he reluctantly relented. At this point, they’d finished with the games, and all that was left were the rides. They took turns, one or two of them sitting out to watch the accumulated prizes while the others spun and flew and then stumbled off the rides. After trying most of the rides out, they took a snack break for ice cream and cotton candy.

“I think the Ferris wheel is the only one left,” Jackie said. “Unless we want to catch that sideshow thing. There’s supposed to be magicians—”

“Fake,” Marvin interrupted.

“—clowns, animals, and they advertised a knife-thrower—”

Schneep nearly choked on his ice cream. “No.”

“Okay, got it. No show then.” Jackie nodded. “But I’m not too sure about the Ferris wheel. I know at least one of us is afraid of heights.”

“Yeah, uh, me.” Chase bit his lip. “But I think I’ll be fine if I don’t look over the edge. Unless someone else doesn’t want to go on it, then I’ll stay off with them.”

“I’m good,” Jackie said. “Schneep? Marv? Either of you scared of heights?” Both of them shook their heads. “Alright. JJ?”

JJ signed, A bit, but after all these dizzy rides, I’ll take something calm like the Ferris wheel, if you please.

“Alright. Guess we’re going on the wheel, then!”

Night had truly fallen by this point. The Ferris wheel wasn’t exceptionally tall, but it still rose above everything else in the fair, providing a fantastic view of the colored lights below. Instead of having the traditional two-person seats, this wheel had booths that could fit up to eight people, so all the boys fit into one just fine. The wheel turned, and the booth turned with it. Chase squirmed, resolutely not looking over the side. Jackie and Marvin did the exact opposite, practically leaning out of the booth to look down below.

JJ tapped Schneep, signing something real quick. Schneep nodded, then yelled “Can you two stop that?! You are going to fall out of the fucking side, and you are making Jamie nervous.”

“Oh, sorry.” Jackie sat back down.

“Aww,” Marvin groaned, but pulled back into his seat. “I hope you know I do this for you, JJ.”

JJ smiled. Thank you, it’s appreciated. And I’m sure your body feels the same way, having narrowly avoided a fall to great injury.

“Nah, I would’ve been fine.”

The wheel stopped. Their booth was right at the top. “Oh, fuck,” Chase muttered, covering his eyes with his hands.

“You know, you didn’t have to come,” Jackie said quietly. “We would’ve been alright letting you stay down on the ground.”

Chase peeked between his hands. “I know. But...it’s really nice up here. Quiet. And with just you guys. As long as I ignore the distance from the ground, I’m good. You’re my friends, you know, and you make everything better.”

“Oh, Chase,” Marvin gasped. “That’s...really sweet!”

“What? Didn’t think we where friends?”

“It’s...always nice to be reminded.” Marvin smiled softly.

Well then consider this your reminder, Marvin! JJ wiggled his mustache happily. I consider you all my friends, maybe even family. You are all wonderful people and I love having you in my life!

“Nooo, stop.” It was hard to see in the dark, only lit up by the lightbulbs on the Ferris wheel, but it was possible that Marvin was actually blushing.

“You know what? I love you guys.” Jackie grinned. “Not afraid to admit it! Best friends I’ve ever had.”

Schneep cleared his throat. “Yes, I feel the same. You are all great people, and I am fortunate to have met you. I...love you as well.”

“Aaaahck!” Marvin appeared to be trying to fold into himself. “Too much love! Fatality!”

Chase chuckled. “Marvin! Accept our love!”

We love you, Marvin! JJ signed eagerly. Now you have to say it back!

Marvin made a strange sort of groaning exhale before inhaling deeply, calming down. “Yeah...I—I love you guys too. God, I love you guys so much. You should all know that.”

“There we go!” Jackie said, triumphant. “Marvin, you are, truly, the emotionally constipated one. And I thought Schneep was the worst.”

“Excuse me?!” Schneep gasped. “I assure you I am very love-sharing. I just do not use words too much because they are complicated.”

“Understandable,” Chase shrugged. “I can barely speak half the time, and I was born in English.”

I thought you were born in Ireland, JJ signed, amused.

“Oh, you know what I mean!”

The Ferris wheel started lowering, stopping and starting as it let passengers off. The boys stepped out of the booth and onto land once again.

JJ yawned. I must say that I’m rather tired after all this. I think it’s time we go home.

“Yeah, I’m starting to feel it,” Jackie agreed.

“You all are weak!” Marvin countered. “I’m good for another couple hours.”

“Watch you crash immediately upon entering your room,” Chase laughed.

“Oh, shut up.”

“I think JJ is right,” Jackie said. “It’s time to go home.”

Schneep nodded. “Yes, I could stay up longer, but I have morning shift tomorrow so I should not push my luck. I will see you all later?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Course, dude!”

“Definitely.”

Count on it!

With that, they left the fair. Eventually they split up, each heading their own separate ways until they eventually got to wherever they were staying that night. Some went to sleep immediately, some stayed up a bit later, but eventually they all went to bed.

And when they decided to do it, none of them had trouble for once.

[theeblackrabbit]

Damn looking back on some of these posts can be painful, I understand a loss of trust can lead to feelings of betrayal but I was in danger of becoming as bitter and resentful as the people I chose to walk away from.

I still find it hard to believe they decided to drag my name through the dirt while playing the victim card instead of maybe thinking I’m going through something tangible or perhaps had lost trust in them? It likes...am I crazy in thinking it is unhealthy to jump from one single point to an extreme? Though maybe having distanced myself fully from them I’m seeing the faults I never saw before? Like a carebear will be find with you up to that one point you overstep or undermined some vague unspoken rule or value they had HENCE making you the anti christ in their eyes. I get waking up to find yourself deleted can be hurtful if you don’t have a strong emotional value (add onto that a brewing pandemic) though can it really hurt that much when you don’t hang out with the other person? ...Or you were unkind to them when they thought their dad was dead and then proceeded to spew out ‘posative’ nonsense like ‘we are all in this together’, ‘this is a safe zone’, ‘no judgement allowed here tis is a no judgement zone’ (gods my brain is overheating from this drivel) that they might get tired of it all?

Maybe I could have been more open. Though I don’t think coming out with a ‘hey friendos Im sucidcial and self harming while dealing with a spiralling deep depression HAHAHAHA HOW WAS YOUR DAY! :DDDDDDDDD’ was really needed during covid isolation. Hell I’m 100% convinced they would have told me to stop being dramatic or have just left it unread...cause it was all smoke and mirrors.

I’m not funny about it anymore if anything I am just confused with how much of a mountain they have drawn up from a mole hill :/ I keep wondering if covid turned them into a pair of narrassits or if it was me leaving that did that. That they only way they can deal with it all is to paint up someone to be the villian while they play the hero? I’m by no means saying I am not to be frank I am more getting the thoughts down on paper - they can blacken my name as much as they want it seems to have backfired on one of them hence their handle changing (or they think it will put me off their scent while its all pointless since i still have the sub notification in my inbox . v . which updates with name changes...gods they are stupid).

But yeah I am less worried about the whole thing now if anything I’m thankful for having stepped away with what I was going through cause no one needs that in their lives. Fake friends are bad folks to have around you yet toxic friends are far far worse - you can have the anti rabbit party as loud as you want over there a dip into the pond last September was all I needed to clarify my suspicions of ya.

Thank you though ~ thank you for the final lesson you both taught me :3

Thank you for making me stronger Thank you for showing me not to trust those that scream about friendship so loudly Thank you for making me judge others on merit and actions rather than harping on about love and friendships

And most of all    Thank you for teaching me to part from those that break my trust ^^       I’ll follow my gut feelings and watch out for red flags much better now

#fuckoff? Why dontcha #staylost :3

[tosh123no]

Journey 3/21/22

When I moved out in Sept. 2021 I had no idea how good it would be for me. Living here is like night and day compared to my old place in more ways than one. At the other place it was always so loud and distracting, someone was always upset and when there was peace the chaos would break out soon enough a day or two later. Here there is none of that. The neighbors are quiet, there is privacy, and the bills are sensible. I live with people who dont make mountains out of mole hills and I have the freedom to cook whenever I like and leave the house whenever I like without feeling awkward.  However, the new place has some cons that are beyond bad. Im not going to go into all of them because I know what they are but the good news is the landlord seems to have found a way to fix them so thats good.  I got a new laptop. Its amazing. Im working on the adhd. We will see how that goes. Thats it! Byeee

[i-am-kind-of-lost]

oh.my.god

that sounds like a major pain. like i knew being lawyer is a pain i understand but thats a different level of hell than i imagined. i wish you enough strength to get thru it.

idk i love taking pictures of people its fun.....its like im capturing peoples emotions for them to remember and its just neat but yeah i dont like being photographed which result in me having like 1 or 2 over used pictures whenever im asked for it.

it was mausam badal raha hai sick thing.......which i decided wasnt enough so i ate an ice cream and walked in the rain and honestly? i still dont regret. like we didnt evolve so much and build immunity and meds to never eat ice cream and walk in the rain, its like why are you all so against of small amount of joy left in life yk.......yes it was irresponsible i realise that sometimes i wonder how did i survive this long but here we are

it was a annual classes test of all the portion covered and honestly i cried during physics paper but surprisingly did well in it but chem took me down it was overall a decent score but mom didnt think so

about the whatsapp thing i feel like i ranted too much so i will minimize it as much as possible-

*clears throat*

it all started with this discussion where they sent a voice note and said numbers in hindi and i didnt understand which i admit is low key wrong on my behalf as i should know and some cousin younger han me said they dont get it and they were like you all english medium kids dont even know numbers in hindi and just generally making a mountain out of a mole hill and all these grown ass uncles criticising the baby and i was like why are you all pressed that your kids know english when you specifically wanted us to speak in english language only......like you were the ones who sent us to an english medium school so why pissed now yk and they are just a kid you all could have been gentle

and they were like when we were young we didnt have all these gadgets and the english medium schools and you all have and should be glad this doesnt answer the earlier thing i said but then do they ever discuss anything properly?

and i was like of course im glad of all the things ive been provided and im deeply thankful but isnt it the point? like you did it for us cuz you didnt have it i dont get your point like.....what do you wanna say? and we have gadgets cuz our dads and moms can afford it and bought it for us. while i acknowledge that it is a priviledge but like you all bought it for us and you cant get angry at us for using it??!

this is getting kind of long so i'll cut it short cuz yk whatsapp tea is never short

so it went to todays gen to tanishq ad to the dabur ad and it was CHAOS ie- them being misogynistic and homophobic

and i mb called out aunties too so 💀💀 idk i was just pissed and yes i rage quit the group cuz screw ya'lls good morning and shubh ratri texts mornings arent even good because i am awake so

anyways i think ive bored you enough but do lmk what you think and YES I WAS SOOO TIRED OF THE RSS CRAP LIKE OH MY FUCKING GOD FOR GOD'S SAKE STOP

also its nice to have you back too :)

~ 🧁

You never bore me.

We never have discussions over the Dabur Ad. We just pretend homosexuality doesn't exist. We do have lots of discourse about the tanishq ad though. The usual, "Ulta kar ke dikaho tab manenge." You know how it is.

I have, to a great degree lost my ability to read in Hindi. At least fluently. I do plan on buying some short story collections soon. I still remember the numbers because bhosdiwala 89 was always a pain in the ass. And yeah, they are just weird. You obsessed over us going to Private English Convent schools. You reminded us three times a week about how much work you did so that we could go to such schools. Ab kyun ro rahe ho.

I have a sinus thing, I get sick very easily. I am just very nazuk in general. But still ice-cream, is ice-cream, so obviously, I am not going to stop eating that.

I was using a photo from 10th class as the Dp on FB, before I deleted the account. I would love to photograph people and things in general but I just can't take a good picture to save my life.

Hope your mom is not too harsh on you, for the marks. Science hai yaar. Nobody does very well.

Have you joined any coaching?

I saw Sooryavanashi. My brain died. Papa's colleagues had organised the thing, it was a small hall. My ears. The movie was so loud. Also the theatre chairs absorb some sound. In that hall. Fuck. The movie sucked. I get that, it's a masala movie blah, blah, blah. But still, be decent at least. Singham was good because it was not trying to shove propaganda down our throats. Also, it had Prakash Raj, who was basically flawless. There are legit scenes in the movie where they just stop the plot to put out Twitter Bhakt rhetoric. Even if you ignore that, the whole plot in general is so dull and uninspired. The action sequences feel and look stupid.

So, overall horrible experience.

[thequeenofshebasays]

ok im not that interested in heaton and dyer BUT i googled to know more about the "fight". i checked dailymail comment section and surprisingly people were pretty nice?? making fun of the dumb article tbh "Having looked at the pictures my guess is they're arguing about good he wants pizza she wants a burger. Honestly dm your tale doesn't really match the photos.."

Right! That’s the thing… it’s DM trying to make a mountain out of a mole hill. But fortunately it seems like no one really cares? Which they shouldn’t.

Charlie and Natalia are private people. They’re being harassed by the tabloids and that’s just not okay… I can’t wait until they’re back in ATL. Which I have a feeling will be sooner then the 19th.

[dnp-therapy]

im just so sad! i know it's dan's life and we should stay out of it and blah but i was so happy and proud of dan and that fucking liveshow just ruined my good day.

It’s okay to feel like that! It’s not okay to make posts saying he’s queerbaiting or that you’re disappointed in him as a person. It’s okay to be disappointed over something. It’s not okay to be disappointed in someone who doesn’t deserve it. Your feelings are valid!! Just remember he didn’t deny anything, plus he added the eating ass thing. He’s probably just scared because this phandom can be a lot sometimes. We make mountains out of mole hills on a regular basis and go too far way too often.

Need Therapy?

[speakmindfully]

I am annoyed, with myself, and the universe. I think I’m a bit of a jealous person, and I’ve been trying to find the root of it for a good part of the day. I read that jealously is the root of insecurities in yourself, but I just don’t seem to resonate with that. I’m confused and I want to understand my own emotions so I can keep them from consuming me. I don’t know if I say I’m not insecure but secretly am, or if I’m not insecure and it’s something else. I feel like I am confortable in who I am: what my goals are, what I stand for, what things I like, what things I need from others, etc. I feel secure in that, and I also know my worth. I know I bring a lot t the table relationship wise and friend wise. The only insecurity I have is with my career and academic ability. Yet my jealousy is a romantic jealousy. I think the jealousy comes from not feeling appreciated, or seen for the greatness that I am. From feeling like I’m just a cog in the machine that is his life when I should be way more. I don’t blend in with the rest of the nonchalant things in your life. I deserve to be sought out for things not me seeking you out every single time. Not that my person is appreciating or doting on anyone else or anything like that, but is it simply a lack of what I’m getting that is enough to make me feel jealousy? What am I jealous of? My person doesn’t give attention to or is around other girls so I don’t ever worry about his faithfulness yet when he’s MIA for a bit or goes on a boys trip with friends or is out late I get sort of jealous. I know there’s nothing to be jealous of because he’s not doing anything wrong but is it a general person jealous that’s being masked as romantic/sexual jealousy simply because we’re dating? I feel crazy because I can’t pinpoint what it is that gets me feeling so annoyed. There’s nothing to question or worry about yet whenever I feel annoyed I want an immediate answer. Like today, I called earlier and he was driving and asked if he could call me back later and I said sure. That was like 3 hours ago and my roommate is on her way home from school and the timeline would fit if he might be driving them home which is why it’s been so long since he said he’d call back. My roommate is one of my best friends and has a boyfriend who none of us really like anymore since he did her dirty & my person especially is annoyed with her for acting dumb.

Point is, I’ve never once felt weird about them being close or friends and there’s absolutely no threat to them hanging out especially since we all live in the same hometown, yet the fact that I’m not sure if they’re driving home somehow annoys me. That if he was why wouldn’t he just be like I’m going home to nova and taking Cindy too? Idk I feel like I’m being psycho but like WHY does that bug me? Why does it have me constantly checking my phone to see if he’s gonna call back or text? He was literally just doing work at home yet when I had an incling that the timelines and situations matched up I stay assuming. It’s so annoying and stupid but I can’t seem to make it stop. Where is this coming from? Am I just a control freak who wants to know everything all the time? Am I super jealous? I’m trying to find within myself what is causing this so I can get the hell over it because it’s annoying as anything. I’m better than this and it’s frustrating to think I can feel these things without reason. I understand how irrational it sounds, I understand that it seems crazy, but I don’t know how to push the feeling out of my head yknow? Step one is to feel, step two is to acknowledge if it’s rational or not and step three is to act on it or push it out of your mind. I’m stuck between two and three. I recognize it’s not always founded, and I end up making mountains out of mole hills, but I can’t push the feelings out. I also noticed that when I DID assume something that wasn’t true, I usually have a mound of other similar things I didn’t act on that this misheard or misjudged incident ends up being the straw that broke the camels back and a bunch of emotions just flare up over something that wasn’t true so I look crazy. Yet sometimes there’s a valid concern that just doesn’t happen to apply to the incident im causing a scene over. Does any of that make sense? I feel a bit on the crazier end of the spectrum and I just want to learn how to control it before I end up getting out of hand I guess. Trynna keep a more level head on my shoulders and not be so explosive.