#and i feel helpless because i cant afford to do anything about it

[actual-corpse]

My roomate and I were talking about airtravel.

I got on the topic of luggage abuse fears which led to a talk about wheelchair users.

Neither of us are wheelchair bound.

I said, "we really need to advocate for those people because nobody takes them seriously and it sucks. It's even worse when the best way to make people consider accessibility is to ask them 'what if you ended up disabled and you have to deal with all this?'."

And that's the best way I can think to get people to consider accessibility.

Making selfish people think of themselves and how they would feel if they became wheelchair bound and needed to get around.

It should just be "let's make life easier for everyone because that's the right thing to do!"

Instead it's "what if I become disabled? Omg life will be so horrible and I won't be able to go anywhere!"

Then DO SOMETHING! If you don't want to think about other people (selfish prick) then fucking make the world accessible in the event you end up disabled (selfish prick).

[scringee]

This is the only way to express how I'm feeling

[princehobi]

OK GUYS IM FEELING PATHETIC ENOUGH AND I CANT AFFORD THERAPY, TUMBLR IS ALL I GOT RIGHT NOW SO

YESTERDAY WHILE I WAS USING TUMBLR I UPDATED A RANDOM POST AND I STARTED GETTING ERROR MESSAGES ON THE SCREEN, LIKE SOMETIMES WOULD HAPPEN BUT THEN I COULDNT REFRESH ANYTHING, MY BLOG LOOKS LIKE THIS FROM MY PHONE

AND WHEN I TRY AND LOG IN FROM A COMPUTER IT SAYS THE ACCOUNT IS TERMINATED

I DIDNT RECEIVED ANY EMAIL, I ALREADY SENT A BUNCH OF EMAILS TO SUPPORT AND I ONLY GET THE INSTANT REPLY THAT THEY WOULD LOOK INTO IT BUT ITS BEEN AROUND 15 HOURS BC THAT WAS LAST NIGHT AND SADLY I AM AN ADULT AND I HAD TO GO TO BED SO I CAN WAKE UP AND GO TO WORK (WHERE IM TYPING THIS FROM RN)

I am really panicking, I've had this account for about 10 years and I really need it back, I'm so sad, I feel stupid and helpless because I really don't know what else to do, reddit and web comments scare me because I really really want to get this back

If you help me I'm gonna .. idk I'll do anything I swear I'm just freaking upset and nervous and I am not joking, I know how this sounds but tumblr has saved me from the worst times of my life so many times, I know I can just make a new account but this one is so old and has a lot of me

[stevie-petey]

hi honey <3 what was going on in steve’s head while bug was driving him home from the halloween party? :) mwah!

finally have some time to respond to this blurb because a LOT was going through that silly boys brain </3

enjoy !

"i'll drive steve home." if steve had had anything to drink, those words wouldve sobered him up immediately.

however, hes stone cold sober as you stand before him, demanding him to argue with you.

he tries. he really does, but you have that glint in your eyes that steve had quickly learned meant youd get your way, no matter what.

for such a sweet and selfless person, you could be frustratingly stubborn sometimes.

steve is about tell you to just leave him alone, this is most eye contact hes made with you since july, but then you grab his hand and it all comes crashing back to steve.

your hand still fits perfectly within his, and for a second steve swears the pads of his fingers tremor when they graze against your palm, as if theyve exhaled with relief upon your touch.

when youve dragged steve outside, the tremors in his fingertips has become so uncomfortable that he has to drop your hand. hes afraid that if he doesnt, his knees will give out. after the shitty night hes had, he cant afford to spare any more of his pride.

steve sees the disappointment on your face when he drops your hand, and he feels the familiar pang in his chest. hes disappointed you again, upset you, but he figures its time hes evened the score anyways.

you hurt him first.

"not to make this awkward, but i kinda dont know where you live." you voice from the drivers seat. your tone is light, steve can hear how much youre trying to tell him without explicitly saying so.

hes tired of everyone treating him like a fucking idiot.

"make a left up here." he responds, staring out the window. he refuses to let you see him cry. nancys words are still ringing in his ears while your perfume clouds his mind.

its all so fucking confusing.

"do you want to talk about what happened tonight-"

steve once admired your selflessness, how open you are with what you feel and how deeply you feel it. then, you closed yourself off from him. shrouded your kindness from him and masked every feeling on your pretty little face without so much of an explanation. now, after finally being confronted with one another, you want to talk about fucking feelings?

yeah, sure. steve can do that.

"why do you only ever care about me when im some kicked fucking puppy?"

steve sees you flinch from the corner of his eye and the anger hes felt ever since july vanishes. "you know thats not true."

"its not?" steve remembers the look on your face that night the two of you saw jonathan in nancys bed. itd been the first time youd shown genuine sympathy towards steve, the first time hes ever truly had your attention.

then he remembers the alley, how youd begged him to not hurt jonathan and hed let his childish anger get the better of him anyways. steve remembers grabbing you and pulling you away from the others so that you wouldnt get hurt by the cops. he had just wanted to help you, and when he told you this he knew you saw the helplessness in his eyes. your lips had trembled as you looked at steve, you had cared about him, then.

you had almost stayed that day in the alley.

but then you left steve to go run after jonathan.

and this summer, steve doesnt know what happened between you and him, but you left again.

"then explain what happened this summer." steve knows himself. he knows that if you can give him any reason, anything, then hed welcome you back into his life with warm and worn arms.

your fingers tighten around the steering wheel. your eyes scan the empty road ahead and steve already knows what youll say. "i..."

nothing. you cant tell him a single fucking thing. delirious and heartbroken, steve laughs. "yeah, whatever. some real fucking friend you were."

and thats what hurts steve the most. you were his friend, you told him this yourself. minutes before you pulled away from him, youd been telling steve how much of a good friend he was.

you knew. he had told you how much hes struggled with connecting with others. you knew, and you still left.

nancy has provoked a different kind of hurt. she doesnt know steves deepest insecurities, or how hard he tries to be good enough for her. sure, steve felt a purpose being loved by her, but she couldnt have known this.

you were different.

and steve just wants to go home.

the silence settles, heavy. you take a shaky breath and steve has to pinch the skin on his arm so he doesnt reach out to hold you. "i got scared."

he cant help it. steve turns to you, your confession surprising him. "scared?"

"yeah, scared."

and just as quickly as youve opened back up to steve, you retreat.

anger rises again. "gee, y/n. that really explains a ton."

"im sorry, steve. i really am. its just... i got scared, ive never been good at letting people in. i know it doesnt excuse my actions, and you didnt deserve any of it, but you just... you scared me."

steve understands what its like to be scared of those around you, of giving someone the power to be vulnerable around them, but after everything thats happened with nancy tonight, he finds that he doesnt care anymore what vulnerability gets him. "turn right after this light."

something changes, then. steve notices your posture straighten, your jaw clenches and your knuckles are white against the steering wheel. theres a newfound spark now, a fight within you. "look, you came crashing into my life in such a violent way, and it became the best goddamn thing that happened to me."

steves heart is pounding against his chest.

your voice shakes still. he knows, he can feel it, just how hard this is for you. "there you were, spending every day at my job just to talk to me. you asked me questions about myself and noticed things no one else had before and i just... i couldnt do it."

a pause, you look over at steve and you soften your voice, lacing it with everything hes wanted from you since july. "i missed you."

i missed you.

steve whispered those words to nancy in the hallway only yesterday, but he knows he really meant them for you.

no ones ever missed him before.

"missed?" when steve was young, he remembers asking his dad if he missed him. missed implied caring for someone at some point, but long after theyve already left. to have missed someone means to have long settled the ache that followed the hurt of leaving.

"miss. i miss you,"

something opens within steves chest. he can feel it, this expanding that slowly overtakes his body. it crawls over him, clouds his brain the same way your perfume does, and steve has to close his eyes as it settles.

he feels like a little kid again, accepting whatever his father gives him.

steve is tired.

but he sees you wipe at your eyes. your hands shake, despite your best attempts of steadying them as you drive, and steve knows he could never, ever remain angry with you.

he recognizes, suddenly, how similar the two of you are. two lonely kids trying to walk everyone home.

[rianafying]

hello diary i’m back idk what is happening or why i ever feel what i feel, but here goes nothing

i’ve been feeling very creative today, had a terrible morning woke up insanely dehydrated, could barely move, my arthritis and psoriasis had flared up as well, i had to cancel my gig but they’re fine, they had other people on board. i don’t really feel like i missed out because i literally couldn’t have gone and needed to stay home and rehydrate, plus it’s like 37 degrees outside, i’ll stay home thanks. anyway, so i got some much needed rest and i ate and drank loads of water and i feel replenished now and i feel hopeful and creative and i wish i could’ve just started something, a project or whatever. but i have no many chores standing firmly between me and what i actually want to do. will is a terribly difficult thing to conjure. i had a telehealth appointment to get diagnosed w adhd in melbourne so i can access the necessary treatment, but they’re telling me it’ll be at least $800 and at least 4 sessions to just get diagnosed. and that to me is a huge undertaking. i told them ill think about it but what is there to think of, i know fully well i cant afford it. i wish i had an ipad to draw on. ive been wanting to draw something for ages and i could draw on my physical sketch book but i just haven’t? i just cant? its the guilt from all the chores i haven’t done. there’s a proper inspection due in 4 days and i just know it’s going to cripple me with anxiety as the date comes closer. there’s so much stuff that i want to do. and yet i do nothing. i’m not doing even 1% of everything i want to do, because im stuck doing 100% of the things i hate but have to do. when im older, i hope i get permanent residency in australia or any other first world country, i wish i have a safe and permanent place to live, regardless of size or quality. i wish i have someone who can help me with the tasks i struggle with and i can help them with tasks they struggle with and if we both struggle at the same things, we’ll understand each other, we can struggle and learn together. hopefully this will not be a romantic partner because i don’t think my brain is hardwired to deal with matters of the heart in a stable way. i hope that by the time i feel safe, the children of gaza feel safe too. i hope we win. i thought of them when i got dehydrated and worried that ill get a uti, i thought about how much worse they have it. i think of them all the time but especially when im suffering and im reminded that they have it many folds worse. i try to derive hope, strength, and gratitude from that instead of helplessness, and powerlessness.

i haven’t been able to take out the trash and get rid of my dead plants and they’re starting to attract bugs and i really need to do that today, i’ve been saying that everyday, it’ll just take seconds. i also am very close to having $0 in my account because i had to buy some meds and i found some vitamins for half price and decided to buy a whole buttload of them #forhealthiguess also its SO HOT. and im trying to avoid turning on my air conditioner because my electricity bill last month was $140??? like why? it’s a crazy world out here. crazy expensive. for the millionth time, i really should get a real job soon. or try to. i doubt i’ll ever have enough to be independent. i fear i’ll always be at the mercy of my parents. i fear i’ll heal too slow to keep up with the damage.

all day i did nothing. that’s not true, i went grocery shopping and i made meatballs, and spaghetti and it turned out great. the one thing i always cook successfully is any kind of pasta, never fails. i feel 50% guilty for not doing anything important today. such as taking out the trash, cleaning my room, etc. it’s the one thing i hate doing: house chores. makes me wanna scream, cry and throw up. i made a mistake, last night i accidentally left my earphones on the couch at reception downstairs and hadn’t even realised until earlier today when i was leaving the building and saw it on the couch. i feel so relieved that i live in a place where nobody stole it all day. part of me feels like i don’t deserve to live so well. because for nearly a year, i have been living wonderfully, everything’s going so well, and all my demons are inside of my own head. this is new for me. there’s no actual threat, i think. still feels like there is. i’m less overwhelmed than usual, but still pretty overwhelmed. there’s always too many ideas and not enough ability to implement them. how do i feel chaos and clarity simultaneously. i just need a break from this mental torment. i think getting my apartment clean will definitely help with that. but it’s such a big task, even thinking about it makes me fall to my bed and start to rot. suddenly i find that my body won’t move. adhd sounds like it’s so quirky and funny until you’re surrounded with piles of garbage and flying insects and there is a mysterious sticky brown patch underneath the fridge that just will not move. until there’s no space to walk from one end of the room to the other without stepping on and crushing things underneath my feet. it feels as if my brain has acquired an endless supply of shame and guilt. i will probably not feel focused until my room is actually clean. clean enough to be inspected. clean enough to maybe even have visitors. i get anxious just thinking about the prospect.

[l0ve-is-an-ech0]

Most moving lines in each Enneagram Song:

One: "Ive spent my whole life searching desperately to find out grace requires nothing of me" is of course a tearjerker but "as if I could earn God's favor given time or at least congratulations" gets me too. I guess I too am desperate for approval and I'd do anything to get it, so mood.

Two: "And maybe I'll get around fixing myself too" and that AFTER the fact that "You know I'll take my heart clean apart if it helps yours beat". Is in the same song?! HOW IS THAT ALLOWED???

Three: "leave my greatest failures on display with an asterisk 'worthy of love anyway'" CRIES. The whole song is so damn sad and honest but dammit three ATE the conclusion line up out of all the songs.

Four: Four is really so galaxy brained and stuffed with metaphors and I haven't even dissected all of them yet but "Maybe I'm hiding behind metaphors maybe my heart needs to break to be sure" is very interesting, because I think it means a 4 hides behind their own artistic mask as protection and maybe they need to drop this mask for once to find out what they've been looking for even if it means getting hurt in the process. This whole song needs a 10 page poetry analysis. The word "Glorious" by itself is also sung so softly in this song in makes me cry.

Five: The songs lyrics aren't deeply vulnerable and I feel that's just the style of a five expressing their feelings. But "My Armour falls apart, as if I could let myself be seen, even deeply known. As if I was already brave enough to let go." Is still a favorite of mine. The music is also so pretty and stunning and that makes me tear up sometimes.

Six: "Is it courage or faith to show up everyday?" Hits me so hard in particular because each day always has me so worried about what could go wrong that I'd rather curl up in a blanket but I still get the energy to go through with it. "What would it feel like to put this baggage down? If I'm being honest I'm not sure I'd know how" also speaks to my soul.

Seven: Gosh the song is so vulnerable and sincere yet so optimistic about it. It's the heartfelt melody and soundesign (like the cheers and claps) that make me tear up the most but lines like "a secret handshake between me and my own life" or "I want to be here. Truly be here. To watch the ones I love bloom." also really wreck me. Sevens think in a way I could never think and they do it so easily and naturally and that's what gets me.

Eight: It's no secret by now that eight is my favorite. There's so many lines that really break my heart: "When I see fragile things. Helpless things. Broken things. I see the familiar." Or "I CANT afford to let myself be blindsided." Or "I'm just a kid who grew up scared enough to hold the door shut and bury my innocence." DUDE. The instrumentation of this song also really gets me. It's so dynamic, raw and emotional.

Nine: "wake up, fall in love AGAIN" or "wage war on gravity theres so much worth fighting for youll see" or "How do I forgive myself for losing so much time?". It's like the experience of wanting to stop existing and start living. This song, after having listened to the album in full has be sobbing into my pillow sometimes.

[blackvail22]

the future feels so uncertain

im not as scared of it anymore

i realize i have time. i know its not forever, but i have time in determining what i want to do

thought of just going to college for a marketing degree or software engineering

i dont really have a love for making art anymore

i dont really have a love for anime/shows anymore

i cant get myself to watch anything but a livestream of someone playing a game

oh and content of my fav artists

all i really have an interest in is making money from my home and being able to afford going to concerts and buying albums and merch and going to conventions

i get so bored lately

i know i have shows i want to watch, and i know i could draw or paint

i know that i can fall in love with reading once more, but i cant get myself to read anything

i just want to go to concerts, look pretty, and do things that make me happy

i want to love making art again, i just cant

i want to live in nyc. such a basic thing to say

i really do though

when i visited there, i had a reality shift or something

i may have started to romanticize it but

we just arrived in brooklyn, and its late at night

only a few places were open, and we wanted to eat indian food

we go to this indian restaurant, and i look to my right and this woman looked.... like she was happy

maybe my mind made that up, but she just seemed like she was where she was supposed to be. she was eating a meal by herself, headphones in, and it looked like she was doing work of some kind.

i found myself doing that plenty of times during my time there.

of course, it can be unsafe or... borderline unsafe

i was harrassed by many ppl, nd plenty of ppl in costumes came up to me to try and "take a photo with me" (easy way to pickpocket) or ppl trying to sell me stuff too (scammers). and i know it can be more than that. ive heard plenty of stories about how women/feminine presenting people shouldnt be in central park by themselves as thats how many people get kidnapped or murdered or raped.

i know that the crime rate there is high. it honestly scares me whenever i think about it... but its america. think.... theres nowhere you CAN go without getting crimed here. whereveer you think is safe is always the next target i stfg.

there was a college i was looking into going to this year (before i decided to gap year) and tell me why there was a shooter there a few days ago.

WHEN CAN WE LIVE WITHOUT FEARING FOR OUR LIVES EVERY FUCKING DAY

never. the answer is never

i fear waking every day, going to public places, going to work, because i dont know whats going to happen

its always been a fear of mine but recently it has spiked

i have severe anxiety when it comes to the news. i try to avoid it because talks of people dying, more of my rights being taken away, and people killing themselves come up every day. every single day. i feel so helpless. innocent people die each day and for what?

our government is so fucked. there has not been a good presidency canidate in ... years, if there ever one at all. each of them always have secret intentions they dont unvail until their term (if they make it there) or they dont go through with what they said in their campaign.

fuck nyc, take me to iceland or the netherlands, even. i need to go somewhere where i dont fear if im going to be murdered every day lol

maybe i am afraid of the future after all...

[frontwards1992]

sorry for the horrible personal post ahead feel free to scroll past if you see this but anyway i need somewhere to get this off my chest and then immediately forget about it and this schtewpid website is the only place i can think of anyway anywayyyy i just feel so anxious and insanely paranoid about my dad’s deteriorating health to the point that i can think right or sleep straight without having awful emotional nightmares about it and what sucks the most of all is that i can’t do anything to make it go away because he doesn’t want to get checked despite me constantly suggesting it since the beginning of fucking time and yeah i get it its cuz we can’t afford the care he needs but also im the ONLY person who is a daily witness to how bad it gets sometimes to the point that i cant properly function as a person because it weighs on me so heavily also not forgetting the fact that my mom doesn’t really want to help despite knowing how it is (whole ordeal on its own) and i understand that she doesn’t want to make amends anymore but also I CANT BE THE ONLY PERSON TO CARRY AND BE IN CHARGE OF ALL OF THIS like thats what frustrates me so much. the fact that there is a way. but no one wants to do anything about it. meanwhile i cant sleep at night because i cant fix the situation despite me seeing it everyday... it makes me feel so horrifically helpless and complacent even when i do the best i can with what i have. i hate that we practically can’t fucking afford anything as simple as getting a doctor’s checkup, that we cant just do something for him to get better... like i will always have my gripes with that man but he’s my dad and i don’t want to feel guilty and anxious for the rest of my life (which is essentially what will happen to me if something bad happens to him). like im sorry but i will probably never be happy again if anything ever happens. my life would end from the weight eventually killing me 

[mintyvoid]

so im once again trying to work through my issues with life, but again more specifically what is hindering my ability to finish projects. Cause like- if you dont know already, i am an artists..if you can't find a salary job(and even if you can) you need to build some sort of following or portfolio to garner attention and ~eventually~ that leads to income.

...so i need to finish things, get better at my craft, figure out what my ~thing~ is. and to do that once again, i need to finish things.

aight so i write down some of the main reasons, start from the basic and keep delving deeper and deeper till i figure out the main issue that i can start working on. I didn't get very far before i started seeing a pattern lol.

My current reasons for my struggle to finish things-

1. struggle to start

2. struggle to stay focused

3. struggle to overcome problems

Now there are probaby more- but I figured the more I thought about this the more likely id get either frustrated or overwhelmed and then not move onto the next step. Of exploring each reasons and what hinders THOSE.

1a. no motivation

1b. no energy

1c. lacking resource/info/guidance

1d. depression

As an autistic person- these kinda aren't really surprising. Executive dysfunction is like a really hard thing to overcome and it effects a shit ton of things. I wouldn't be surprised if I also deal with PDA(pathologic demand avoidance). Some days the only thing hindering are things like 'cant open program' or 'cant move from spot to computer to work'. Some days I can do these and STILL just stare at my screen and my body and mind refuse to do anything.

Unsurpisingly as well, when moving onto the other reasons the hinders ended up being identical LOL.

But then I fall into the issue i've had since getting diagnosis, by looking at all of this the 'main issue' IS my autism. Its the executive dysfunction- its the fact that ive lived for decades undiagnosised and am now so fucking tired trying to fix myself when it never wouldve worked in the first place. To rewrite my brain from all the internalized ableism i most likely have.

But the resources to work with my autism are hard to come by and quite expensive.

I can't afford to change my environment- and there are a lot of things in my home that I can't change that ARE hindering my ability to function. Working with what i have simply isnt working anymore, but im right back to trying it- desprately wanting it to work because its the only thing i have access too.

right back to feeling helpless cause there doesn't seem to be anything I can do. Like theres no easier solution and im too tired to fight for myself anymore.

[readymades2002]

in agony trying to exist lately lol 

[anon-e-miss]

AU where Jazz runs a TON of charge. It takes ten spike overloads to satisfy him, and he doesn’t have a refractory period. After ten overloads in a row, he tends to go utterly feral—as if he’s in rut. Just mounting and clawing and biting and rutting away until he finally knots his partner and blacks out. This is only occasionally a problem, because basically no one can handle getting him off ten times in a row anyway.

Prowl, SiC, sees how this endless charge is impacting Jazz’s work (and quality of life). He has a crush, but he tells himself that’s not his motivating factor. Jazz needs someone he can trust to see him to blackout. Someone who won’t tap out three overloads in. Someone who won’t judge him for getting increasingly desperate and feral and possessive as he frags them.

Jazz maybe thinks no one could tolerate that kind of behavior. He might feel ashamed of the fantasy he has of ruthlessly fucking someone completely helpless. Someone who trusts him. (Possibly someone who would trust him enough to knowingly drink drugged energon hand fed to them)

Fortunately for him, Prowl thinks that fantasy is HOT AS A SMELTER.

Time for Jazz to finally get some satisfaction.

Despite the war ravaging the planet, Cybertron was seeing a mixing of frametypes like never before. It was by in large a positive as cultures that once stood well apart rubbed one side by side. It was not entirely positive. The differing needs if frame types could class, as Praxian Prowl had experienced this firsthand but at the moment he was not worried about himself or his framekin. He was worried about Jazz.

As Praxus had segregated itself from its neighbours with the great dome, Polihex had itself been segregated, the nomadic and semi nomadic groups had roamed the Wastes and the Rust Sea without fear of heat or storms where no other frametype had. Their frames had developed their own quirks and one of Jazz’s was coming into play.

He needed to frag. But Jazz did not trust so much and so easily as mechanisms thought. Why anyone believed a spy would be trusting, Prowl could not begin to understand. There were Bots Jazz trusted, his team, of course but his team did not comprise mecha capable of taking what Jazz had to give them. He was starting go get snappy, standoffish. It was effecting moral, that seemed like a good excuse.

"You need to frag," Prowl declared as Jazz smacked the datapad he was fiddling with. The Polihexian's visor flashed white.

"Not really yer business, Prowl," he replied. Prowl flicked a single doorwing.

"It is affecting your productivity," Prowl said. "There is no way in Pit I will authorize your deployment when you are in such a state."

"Ya can't order me to frag," Jazz said. "OP would have yer helm."

"Why would I order you?" Prowl asked. "We both know how well you listen to my orders. I am offering my assistance."

"I would ruin ya in two overloads," Jazz said. "Not worth the effort."

"You will find I was forged for endurance," Prowl replied. "I could take anything you give and more."

Jazz stared at him and cocked his helm as he looked Prowl up and down. Prowl did not flinch from the hungry in the mech's expression. He had won, and he knew it. At the best of times Jazz was hard pressed to resist a challenge. This was far from the best of times.

"We'll see."

There was something to be said for Jazz’s self-restraint, he had more of it than anyone, including Prowl would have guessed. He did not push Prowl down on his desk and frag him, but made an honest to Primus appointment for the coming dark-cycle and suggested Prowl take them both off the schedule for the next mega-cycle. Prowl had never gotten so thoroughly fragged that he could not work the next mega-cycle but he acquiesced. It was not as if he could not put himself back on duty as it suited him.

They met in Jazz’s quarters rather than Prowl’s, though Prowl’s rank afforded him best quarters; he had never changed from the original suite he had been afforded as a tactical officer. All he used his quarters for was recharge and the narrow berth was adequate for that. That berth would not serve a marathon interface. Jazz’s would serve that purpose far better. Prowl was not clear of what expectations he had possessed prior to his arrival but every preconception fled as soon as he stepped through the door. That unexpected self-restraint he had observed in Jazz in the light-cycle was gone and as soon as Prowl entered, Jazz was there. Prowl gasped with start as Jazz effortlessly disrobed him.

“Nice tits.”

Servos cupping Prowl’s wells, Jazz pushed Prowl up against the wall and covered his mouth in a crushing grip. He hiked up Prowl’s leg, hooked it over his hip and shoved Prowl’s modesty panel aside as it was still retracting. Prowl moaned into the brutal kiss as Jazz’s ground his palm into his node as his digits spread his folds. The preparations were quick, rough and Prowl was at a loss to do anything but cling to Jazz’s shoulders. He was embarrassingly wet, just dripping with slick before Jazz’s digits ever entered him. His valve made an obscene squelch as Jazz digit-fragged him, spreading his too long empty lining. Apart from the squelch all sounds of Prowl’s overload were muted, swallowed by Jazz’s hungry mouth.

With the nip of his swollen lower lipplate, Jazz broke the kiss and stared into his glassy optics. Prowl dug his digits into Jazz’s shoulders as the other mech suddenly pulled his leg over his shoulder and drove his spike deep into Prowl’s frame. The speed and the force knocked the intakes from Prowl and the sudden stretch burned but along with the burn was a sudden scalding pleasure as his internal sensors and nodes were quickly triggered. It was embarrassing how quickly he overloaded, screaming Jazz’s designation, before Jazz had even sheathed himself in his quickly spasming valve. His leg, the one still on the floor felt like gel and he trembled. Before he could fall, before he could even secure his grip on Jazz’s shoulders, Jazz yanked that leg out from under him and held him up as he thrust up into Prowl’s valve, carving through his internal seal, carving him open. Prowl’s mouth fell open in a shocked O. His doorwings smacked back against the wall. Jazz groaned, denta clenched as he took his pleasure. Blistering hot transfluids flooded Prowl’s tank. He panted. That was one for Jazz. How many did a Polihexian usually have in a session? Oh yes, ten or twelve.

Jazz’s spike was already pressurized again before he pulled out of Prowl. He tossed the Praxian over his shoulder and carried he over to his berthroom. Prowl squeaked when he was tossed onto the berth. Flushing madly, he shuffled back so his helm rested on Jazz’s pillow, then through his legs open and canted his hips as he reached between his thighs and he moaned as he held the rim of his oozing valve open. When Jazz fell over him, Prowl cried out with ecstasy. Jazz held Prowl’s legs up and open as he filled him in one great plunge. He caught Prowl’s nozzle between his denta and nipped and sucked.

With his helm pulled back by the firm grip Jazz had on his chevron, Prowl grunted and panted as Jazz reamed out his aft pipe. He had always enjoyed aftplay and nothing at all had changed here. Prowl dug his digits into the blankets below him and he pushed back into Jazz’s churning thrusts. His wells, too large for his frame, swayed under him. Jazz covered Prowl’s long neck with denting bites. When Jazz pulled out, transfluids drooled Prowl’s slack rim. That was three.

“New ya’d have a tight aft,” Jazz groaned as he watched his spend leak out of Prowl’s afthole.

A mech possessed, Jazz gave Prowl quarter, there was no respite. Prowl braced himself on Jazz’s taunt belly as he rode the Polihexian’s spike. Jazz tugged and pinched Prowl’s nozzles. He was rough as he played with Prowl’s heavy wells and fragged up into Prowl’s well fragged core. As his node ground into Jazz’s array, Prowl round Jazz harder, faster. His glossa lulled from his mouth as he moaned deliriously. Jazz reared up, taking Prowl’s nozzle into his mouth again as his digits drove into his drooling afthole.Prowl’s optics crossed and he overloaded with a wail as Jazz’s splattered his gestation tank with more transfluids. That was... four? Five? Prowl had lost track already.

He was not sure if he was overloading anymore, or if he just never stopped. Prowl panted as he twisted the pillow under his helm in his servos. Another pillow was beneath his hips as Jazz pinned him down, servos folded over his shoulders and drilled him deep. Prowl moaned softly as Jazz ran his servos over his back and doorwings and squeezed his round aft segments. He sucked a denta into the edge of Prowl’s doorwings. Somehow, Prowl found the energy to wail as he overloaded. His protoform rounded slightly as Jazz released into his tank again. Prowl panted. He spent. Jazz rolled him  and pushed his legs open. Jazz was not.

Jazz stood up on his knees and rutted into Prowl’s sloppy valve.The angle he was using dragged Jazz’s spike against Prowl’s gamma cluster and his internals clenched  as sparks flew across his vision. HIs peds curled, Prowl reached between his own legs to furiously, rub his anterior node. With a shrilled shriek, Prowl overloaded but Jazz never stopped stimulating Prowl’s gamma cluster and soon Prowl was overloading again, his valve sprayed lubricants out around Jazz’s spike.

Prowl drooled against the pillow as Jazz crouched over his upturned aft and growled as he plunged his spike into Prowl’s quivering channel. His protoform was bloated, inflated with Jazz’s transfluids. It was going to take orns for the swelling to go down, Everyone was going to think he was carrying. Something heavy and solid ground against Prowl’s slack folds. The knot. He still needed to take Jazz’s knot. Prowl sobbed as the thick swelling at the base of Jazz’s spike butted against his rim. As it was, he was already so full. Overwhelmed, Prowl tried to wriggle away but Jazz bit his doorwing and hiked his hips up, and forced the knot passed the last of his internals’ resistance.

Jazz’s overloaded with a grunt, the force of his spill so much strong and the amount so much greater. Prowl dragged his servo under him and felt his swollen belly where he was inflated with Jazz’s spend. Groaning softly, Jazz collapsed against his back and his spike twitch with another spurt of transfluids as he fell into stasis lock. Prowl tried to push himself up, to get himself out from under Jazz but he was too tired to dislodge the mech. His optics grew dim and he resigned himself to recharging with Jazz pinning him to his filthy berth and his spike knot deep in his tank.

[oh-for-fic-sake]

A Witcher's Pack Chapter Two

The pack face the consequences of there unconventional rendezvous, good and bad..

Masterlist

Chapter One

A/n I've tried my best with this one, it might have a few more mistakes then usual as i have had a hell of a few days and been writing tiny bits at a time. I hope you like it and i caught things just right 😘xx

WARNINGS: Angst, Hints at miscarriage, Swearing ,A/B/O

Geralt sat across from the village leader not wanting to be so far from his mate who was fresh out of her twelve day heat, longer than expected but he was glad for the extra time after all he was trying to breed you with Jaskier. The man before him drew his attention from his thoughts .Beta. His jaw was locked and he was fuming. The so called witch was none other than his precious mate. They had called him to kill her. It took every ounce of strength not to claw off this mans face and rip out his throat. He continued explaining all the measures they had taken to ensure she couldn't 'corrupt' or 'enchant' the others. He seemed proud of how they had thrown a helpless terrified eleven year old child out into the cold, banished her to that shack with no prospects ,food or means to look after herself. His heart clenched painfully, she must have been so scared and confused the mere thought of what she had endured made his stomach churn feeling sick. He heaved deep breaths flexing his hands itching to rearrange the mans face .Permanently. The male across from him didn't seem to notice the warning signs.

"And now we have another alpha we cant risk him being lead astray by a-a filthy harlot! Witcher you must rid us of her she is useless, a waste of our resources and will soon begin to lure the men out to her. We aren't sure how it works but its defiantly coming, she caused his turning to be agony" Geralt growled slamming a heavy fist on the table the resounding crack of wood giving way silenced the man. He spoke low and gravely the growl laced in his voice showed how close his alpha was to the surface.

"You mean to tell me you put her through all that because you didn't understand what she was? She is not a monster. Shes not a siren or succubus. And she defiantly didn't make that boys turning painful, it is painful for everyone." He growled out the words loosing his cool as he continued as the truth of what they had done to you sunk in.

" You sit there so high and mighty aND YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'VE DONE SHE WAS A CHILD! SCARED AND ALONE AND YOU-YOU THROUGH HER AWAY, TREATED HER LIKE AN ANIMAL! SHE DOESN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE IS." Geralt stood breathing heavy. Tucking his head low taking deep harsh breaths. As the beta cowered before him.

"I will take her away and you will give me the coin for doing it, or I will inform the others not to take contracts for this village. And you will find yourself in a tricky position in spring when the migrations start."  The man sputtered unsure of what had caused the out burst.

"I-I you cant do that!?"

"Oh trust me I can and will we alphas take injustices against our true mates very seriously, especially us witcher's its extremely rare for us in particular. Once word gets out about what you've done to my mate they wont be so quick to aid you in the future." Geralt was pushing it, bending the truth to get what he wanted. The man looked shocked as Geralt announced you as his true mate realizing his mistake to late. He sighed defeated pulling out the coin pouch wanting the irritated mutant alpha out of the village. Geralt snatched it from him in one hand bringing up his other a swift fist across the face knocking him out cold on the floor with a nod humming in approval.  The beta was down. He'd get up in a few hours. Then he turned leaving the room heading quickly out to the shack occupied by his pack. Ready to gather them up and head back to kaer morhen for winter and to see vesemir he needed answers.

8 weeks later

You smiled contently walking along side roach Geralt sat atop her and Jaskier beside you. the last three months had been bliss ,the best of your life. Your new pack had taken care of you kept you fed with freshly hunted meat thanks to your new found alpha who could hunt and they kept you warm providing you with new clothes that shielded you from the harsh autumn breeze that was to come in the next week or so, You could walk through towns without being spat at or cursed out, most of the time when anyone tried you witcher mate would scare the shit out of them. It was nice when he did it made your tummy flutter and you'd blush as after each time he would wrap himself around you protectively. you slept beside a hot roaring fire each night falling to sleep with a full tummy and protection of the family. During your time with them they had told you grand tales of their adventures, Geralt you learned was the fabled white wolf from the songs and Jaskier a bard who wrote said songs and sang to you every night. Geralt had helped you understand all your instincts explaining that you were true mates and that your fast heat was just natures way for you to bond and that it was ok to feel the way you did , the idea of pack was foreign to you and it had taken some time to finally click. But when it did you were more at peace with yourself with your new found understanding. You was relaxed. You were content. You were going to be sick. You quickly ran of into the bushes crouching followed closely by Geralt patting your back as you wretched bringing up your afternoon meal. That both males had insisted on so you could gain a your weight back and you had filled out, now supporting a healthy pink glow like the one you had admired Jaskier for.

"Oh no is she ok? I knew she shouldnt have ate that tart earlier. It was to rich for her stomach!" Jaskier snipped quick to pull the waterskin from roach hurrying to pass it to you having Geralt snatch it from him with a short grunt and held it to your lips letting you take sips. You gasped after having the drink the wiped you mouth with the back of your hand.

"No I'm fine, it was ok, not sure what that was it came out of nowhere" Geralt stared intently at you then leaned forward taking a deep breath in his nose under your ear then pulled back with a groan then grinned wider then you'd ever seen. He laughed sweeping you up off your feet cradling you against placing kisses all across your face tickling your cheeks as his stubble rubbed lightly, Jaskier watched then quickly put it all together laughing running his hands through his hair.

"Geralt whats going on? what are you doing? put me dooown I don't want to be sick again." you whined as he slowly rocked you to and fro

"That's not an option I'm afraid.... Oh god.... My beautiful little mate....Sweet omega... Your pupped" you blinked not sure what he had said at first then your face dropped into shock.

"Wh-what? but I-you said we would have known by now...Th-that it would be a short pregnancy...five months Its been two surely I'd be showing? or that sickness would have started earlier" you were very confused Geralt held you with one arm placing his hand on your tummy, you'd admit that you were larger then when you'd met but they had been strict on your diet wanting you to gain a few pounds. Jaskier walked closer looking at you with awe. Pups. His pups in an omega. He couldn't believe it. Tears welled but he fought them back with a deep shuddering breath. Clearing his throat.

"Well with how skinny you were it'd be easy to miss, we have been trying to fatten you up." he reasoned Geralt hummed in agreement before continuing, still moving across you lower abdomen pressing lightly. It was hard, taught and defiantly bulging slightly but small however that could be due to a beta father, betas produced less pups at once but resulted in larger pups at birth, an alpha litter could be up to four pups at around five to six pounds at birth. Beta's normally had one at six to eight pounds. Pregnancy was shorter for omegas but varied depending on the father and litter size could be anything from five the eleven months. He took a deep breath.

"Yes and the sickness delay could be your body trying to give as much the the pups, you couldn't afford to be sick taking away the nutrition with how under weight you were" His only true concern was that he couldn't hear a heart beat, but he hadn't been trying to hear one he stopped trying a few weeks ago. You were placed on your feet contemplating their answers. Geralt knelt before you pressing his ear against your stomach hushing you and Jaskier as he listened. His eyes widened glancing at Jaskier who waited with baited breath, tense trying not to be to excited in case the worse should happen. You felt Geralt release a breath nodding once to Jaskier who flew over to you trying to place a hand on your tummy pulling back as he near lost a finger as Geralt snapped at him. You placed a slow hand in Geralts hair pulling him to look up at you. he gazed up at you his eyes full of unshed tears yet he blinked them back.

"One, a single pup their heart is quiet but strong. Fast. They are right here.... You did it... My beautiful girl you did it." he finished tilting leaving a light kiss on the small barely noticeable swell. standing up he yanked Jaskier in for a hug then bent him down pressing his ear so he could listen. Smiling the whole time. Proud his pack was growing.

In the following Months you had noticed a change. Geralt was pushing you all on faster his instincts driving him to have his pack home before the birth seemingly more and more desperate as your belly swelled faster than you though possible now looking very pregnant, heavy and round. Geralt shivered everytime he glanced at you , filled with pride, warmth that spread thoughout him you were glowing there was also something else , he had been territorial coming to blows with Jaskier more times than you could count. It upset you, how the once close pair seemed to be at odds with one another you caught in the middle, tho Geralt was your mate this was Jaskier's pup you had the unyielding urge to be close to him, scent him and have him coddle you and the unborn. Geralt chased him away each time occasionally out of camp completely. Anything could set it off  like handing you something you dropped as you could no longer bend down to reach it or helping you get your boots on or helping you get up. Once Jaskier had tried to help you climb on to roach you nearly slid off the other side and Geralt had nearly ripped him a new one it took you hours to talk him down. Literately his steel sword was drawn when you nearly hit the floor. You whimpered lying on your side it was night and you was tucked up between Geralt and a thick tree with dense bushes at its base, he had begun to place you tucked up like this at night he wanted you to have a nest each night. You winced moving from side to side rolling this way and that huffing you couldn't get comfy. You groaned being pregnant wasn't easy even for an omega, the past two days your back had gotten much worse cramping, you cringed you were only four and a half months gone Geralt said that you would most likely have another eight weeks or so because Jaskier was a beta  'great another Eight weeks of this' you huffed again lying still your mind wandered you was concerned your pup hadn't moved since yesterday morning , normally being near Jaskier encouraged them to be lively but it hadn't worked. Grimacing as your back hurt which wasn't anything knew you got up onto all fours slowly crawling form behind Geralt around him settling to lay near Jaskier pulling his hand from his side placing it on your little one....Nothing.. you whimpered worry wracked your body something felt wrong, different. You remained beside Jaskier hopeing that it would coax some indication that your pup was ok. You breathed through the aching twitches in your back trying to drift off in to sleep. Just as your eyes closed you heard him. Geralt. Eyes blazing as he scrambled up looking for you. You shivered and shrunk as he found you laying holding Jaskier's palm to your swollen tummy. He snarled stalking to you making to grab you away from the beta, you sat up and flinched as he reached out for you. Having enough, exhausted and upset.

"NO! Enough please alpha! enough, Something is wrong! their not moving I want him to feel his pup the get them moving I don't like them being so still please" Geralt hissed through his fangs angry as his eyes saw you frightened clutching at the Betas hand holding it flush an still. You called the pup Jaskier's. He didn't deserve it. It was HIS. The pup should move for him, not the beta the alpha. HE was the alpha. He seethed

"B-but he cant protect it!! I can protect it...I DO!.. IT'S MINE- I TOLD HIM TO PUT IT THERE!! BUT IT'S MINE!!!! YOU'RE MY MATE!! MINE!! NOT HIS MY OMEGA!" you shook at his words his shouting had woke Jaskier who was now quivering beside you. Geralt's breathing was labored reaching again for you he stopped short as the both of you ducked as if expecting to be hit. He looked at his hands lowering them backing away glancing at the both of you. What was happening to him?.  His pack frightened of him. He who had vowed to protect them. They cowered before him. His mate and brother. He stared noting a small wet patch below you. He had frightened you that much? he felt disgusted with himself turning to lie away from you both. You looked up slowly at him instantly feeling heart broken at the look of despair on his face. You nudged Jaskier motioning him to help you up. He did helping you up stopping as you cried out a sharp tug in your tummy forcing you back down to your knees huffing that was painful. You gripped Jaskier's hand tight.

"Wh-whats wrong? please is every-Are you ok? shit!"

"G-Geralt could you please?" Jaskier called desperately supporting you a quick glance at the alpha showed him lying a good distance, faced the opposite way he was brooding lost in his own thoughts ashamed. Jaskier soothed you helping you kneel seeing the wet spot through seeping through your skirts. You winced cupping your belly and cramping back. Jaskier panicked unable to pull away from you remarkably strong grip, you stared at him fear in your eyes as your stomach clenched tightly. It- you couldn't it wasn't even five months yet, you were- could you be loosing it? is that why you hadn't felt anything? you sobbed into your hand. NO!. You'd failed. Failed your alpha, your pack and yourself. you curled over head pressed to the dirt as your stomach was hard and twitching below your hand.

"GERALT! ALPHA?! HELP SOMETHING IS WRONG!" with Jaskier's calling him alpha snapped his attention, the bard didnt call him that often, normally when he was scared wanting reassurance, it happend when he fell into his baser instincts. Geralt rolled over panicked not even getting up he through his body hands and knees scrabbling across to your crumpled form. He forgot his previous despair now on high alert he sniffed around you as you withered shoulders moving with your sobs. He held out a hand placing it on Jaskier, comforting trying to ease his panic. He looked not sensing anything, he gripped your waist sliding you a little checking the moist earth below you no blood that was good, - he cut himself short, you'd said it hadn't moved he stilled.No no no no. His blood turned to ice in his veins it hadn't- couldn't have....You was to far gone!...You couldn't loose it now, fate couldn't be so cruel!. He closed his eyes hushing you desperately, Jaskier following his train of thought placed a gentle hand to your mouth trying to contain your Broken sobs stroking your hair and whispering reassuring you that it would be ok. You was to far gone, already mourning for the life you believed you'd lost, to wrapped up in your thoughts to hear anything going on around you. Concentrating all his efforts into listening Geralt lowered down by your bloated belly pressing lightly against it, hoping to hear that sweet sound he sighed when he heard a steady rhythm a heart beat so the pup was fine just- was it lower? OH SHIT he growled quickly jumping up taking you with him you whimpered as your body was moved yelping as your back cramped shivering as the pain soared through all of you nerves you could see as well as feel the muscles moving manipulating your pup around but you was unsure why. the bard followed anxiously

"Ge-Geralt?is it?"

"Jaskier go get the blankets from roach quick we need a nest it- she's- its coming!" Jaskier blinked frozen then began stuttering panicking. What?.

"NOW JASKIER!" he barked out snapping the bard out of it as he made his way back to the tree you had originally  nodding to the floor Jaskier spread out the blankets you had been collecting the past week each town and village you added to your collection. Some he rolled up to prop you against and others he haphazardly plopped here and there to be move as and when. You sighed as Geralt placed you on them you panted sweating feeling as if you were going to pass out form the pain.

"Geralt -is? are they ok? did I loose it I'm sorry I-" he cut you off kissing your tears.

"no no you didn't!.....You haven't lost them, they are coming now, early but healthy I can hear it" you flinched. Early? you- it was happening here? now? crying as another pain pulled your body tight. Jaskier ran back over with the water skin bowl and cloth fumbling with them pouring some water into the bowl soaking the cloth Geralt pushed up your skirts tugging you didn't have anything underneath due to your size you'd grown out of them. Jaskier bent one leg placing it beside his thigh as Geralt  held the other in the same fashion. You tilted your head back crying low as you realized just how low your pup had managed to get in such a small amount of time ,you felt uncomfortable full ,as they now sat just at your pelvis.

"I-I need to- Ahh!" you tried telling them that you needed to push, the urge was overwhelming as your body acted on its own digging your feet below you trying to ground yourself gasping as much air as you could before another pain hit holding your breath gritting your teeth as your abdomen contracted trying to squeeze out your child followed swiftly by a back cramp. It was brutal as your own muscles swayed you back and forth you were frightened grabbing blindly eyes shut tight as another wave hit you.

"sshh push if you need to" Jaskier placed your hand between his wincing as you dug your nails into his skin but kept quiet moving to dab your head and face with the cloth. You sighed at the cool water being wiped across you, a small relief. Before you was rushed into another quick contraction bareing down pushing again. Geralt placed a hand on either thigh pressing them further apart then moved his hand to where the pup now rested lower then a few seconds ago.

"Alpha? please." he froze your voice was strained and weak he moved closer kissing your head. Geralt was at a loss, there was nothing he could do but reassure you, he nodded to Jaskier.

"It's low get the knife and cord" he quickly grabbed the items dipping it in the water to clean it, the small blade curved maybe 3 inches with a tiny glyph carved onto it, protection Geralt had spent a day on it marking it perfectly, this was bought specifically for this moment. You screamed curling forward with the contraction sliding down flat on your back widening your feet arching as you felt a heavy pressure pass though your pelvis you pushed with all your might shouting loud into the night feeling a burning stretch before nothing...Your body relaxed you all but melted as your child vacated you lifting your head looking down taking deep gasping breaths. There was silence Jaskier gasped watching as Geralt froze holding the tiny pink child not knowing what to do, his face was one of awe, seeing that Geralt had Blanked. The beta jumped into action holding the soft thin cord around the umbilical cord pulling tight before severing the connection between the two of you suddenly there was a cry, loud and strong. Relief washed across the camp smiles all round, he sat back bending his knees resting his elbows holding his head tears streaming down his face. Alive, it was alive. You weeped at the sound. Your child was safe. Your body shook the aftermath of all the stress pain and adrenaline.

"Girl...Its a girl" Geralt whispered

"Ha you can tell with all the fuss she's making, defiantly a female" Jaskier quipped still rubbing his eyes leaning over to see his daughter. You watched holding your breath. Girl you had a little girl you couldn't look away as Geralt tilted the pup for him to see then stopped choosing to instead pass the tiny Child to her father then moved pulling a small blanket they worked together tucking it around her fretting over how covered and warm she would be. You sighed in relief any animosity that there had built was gone which was a load off mind ,your heart melted at the sight it would seem your daughter would have two fathers. Geralt smiled leaning up over you kissing you deeply then heaved you to sit up letting you lean against his chest. Jaskier moved up on your other side with the child. Tiny she was so small, smaller then you'd expected. Tears streamed down your face as you leaned your face against Geralt's chest he stroked your hair back kissing your neck

"So good omega... I'm so proud of you...Shes perfect...And healthy.... you've made me so happy" he was whispering into your ear but you couldn't make sense of his words . You was enraptured with your daughter, she was perfect you moved to hold her. Jaskier quickly placed her in your waiting arms as her cries died down then moved to the water bowl holding it out for Geralt who took the cloth wringing it out then began wiping her cherub face gently. She opened her eyes slowly unfocused eyes glancing here and there as you moved your dress wanting to feed her. You wasn't sure how but you managed to get her to latch quickly. Geralt nodded happy that she was feeding.

"I-I'm sorry for earlier.... I don't know what happened but it will never happen again" his words were stern controlled as he glanced at his family. Never again. you looked from your pup to Geralt then Jaskier there was a somber air that fell across you.

"You better start thinking of names. I don't have any I thought I had months still" you said dismissively. They looked at one another. Then you

"Who?" you smiled at Jaskier's small question

"Well my father named me and my siblings, so I thought it right for her fathers to name her so you best agree." the statement was designed to show exactly where you stood on the family dynamics for your child. Geralt looked stumped.

"But she is Jaskier's he should-" you shook your head at him

"No she is ours yours, mine and Jaskier's , she wouldn't be here if you hadn't allowed Jaskier to help. And if I remember correctly you held him still each time." they both scoffed before discussing names as you looked back down to the baby as she closed her eyes still latched on unaware of just how protected and cherished she was.

Taglist @havenoffandoms @ayamenimthiriel

[dragonblobz]

Inktober Day 15

Frieza (First Form)

Goretober prompt: sick

Kinktober prompt: kissing

Song used: Gold by Eurielle

First, know that i actually HC him as being genetically modified to be resistant to diseases.

Second........ y'all........ the only thing tw about this is neither reader nor Frieza giving a rat shit about 6ft social distancing because Trash sat doWN TO WRITE A FUCKN GORETOBER DRABBLE AND SHAT OUT THIS DISGUSTING FLUFF INSTEAD THYFGYDF

The entire ship is quiet today.

The Emperor is ill. It’s just a head cold really. But, from the behavior of the crew, you’d think he was on his death bed. Although, it isnt sadness which plagues them all.

It is fear.

Lord Frieza is renowned throughout the universe as having a very succinct temperament. But apparently, this is bubblegum and kittens compared to his temper when he’s sick.

You are not afraid. As his mate, you are afforded both attention and difference, the likes of which are unknown to even his most skilled commanders. But you might be feeling just a teensy bit apprehensive, and have stayed away most of the day. Just to be safe.

You’re missing him tho. And decide that his wrath is worth the risk. The ship just isn’t the same without him lording himself about in that self assured and, quite frankly, rather sexy way of his.

You round the corner of the walkway just before his (and your) quarters. And stop.

There’s an underling. A very short pudgy orange fellow. Holding a tray and just standing there, visibly terrified. He jerks, nearly spilling the contents of the tray as you address him.

“You there. What are you doing?”

He looks at you. Gulps.

“Oh! Thank the gods! You’re here! He requested soup. And has slain the last 2 men that tried to bring him some! The very moment the door opens……. And he has been absolutely snarling for you, my lady!”

You blush crimson. You’ll never get used to titles like that. But he’s INSISTENT on them. And, no matter how many times you instruct crew members to refer to you by your NAME, they dare not refer to you by any other titles but ones like THAT.

“Well, I guess I’ll just fix both of those wants then.” You reach for the tray. The fellow practically throws it at you while visibly wilting in relief. Then scuttles off, throwing murmured apologies over his shoulder.

You take a deep breath, square your shoulders, and enter.

And it takes every ounce of your willpower to keep your face bland and placid.

Lord Frieza, Emperor of the universe, Master of all these planets and stars under his dominion……. Wrapped like a lacertilian burrito in every blanket and pillow he must possess. One little horn sticking out of the fray. The other causing the bedding to poof out at an obscene angle at the other side of his face.

His nose is stuffy and raw looking. Poor thing. But the absolutely murderous look on his face negates any helplessness that might have been perceived.

“Where have you been??” It’s a croak.

“I figured you wanted to be left alone, my Lord.” I walk over to the bed, setting the tray down on his bedside table. “I brought you some soup, tho I don’t know what kind it is.”

“I do not wish to have any soup.”

It’s hard to keep a straight face. You can’t help but think of the cliché of men being awful when they are feeling unwell. And he looks so adorably petulant. Of course, you know better than to ever verbalize this.

“Well, it’s here if you want it. Is there anything else I can get for you?”

“You. Get OVER here.” He’s practically hissing, and the command is pointless as he’s already dragging you towards him with his ki.

It certainly must look comical, being drug face first over the mattress of this giant bed like this. But you neither protest, nor resist. In fact, you feel almost giddy at him wanting you near him badly enough to do this.

Even before you reach him, his tail snakes out of this veritable pillow fort to wrap possessively around your waist.

If you did not now him as you do, the action of literally physically pulling you into this lizard burrito with him would have terrified you. As it is, you must nearly meditate to keep from giggling about it.

He’s not satisfied till he’s embracing you, till it’s now a humanoid lacertilian burrito. He grunts, pressing a tissue he got from kai knows where to his nose, and sneezes. You coo to him and just hug him. He grunts again, his voice disgruntled.

“How dare you deny me your warmth. I ought to punish you.” But his words dip to a murmur. He’s ALREADY beginning to fall asleep.

“I’m very sorry, my poor Emperor. This cold is really taking a lot out of you, isnt it?”

“Hhft.” It’s a satisfied sound more so than assent.

You cant move all that well. You both are very soundly wrapped. But you kiss the gem atop his head affectionately.

“Its like the lord of colds.” You’re grinning.

His eyes snap open, the blood red pupils bobbing over to look at you as if you are a particularly nasty booger he just picked from his nose.

“Noooooo.”

“I guess…..”

“Don’t do it.”

“You could say…….”

“Don’t say it.”

“It is……”

“I’m warning you…..”

“A King Cold.”

He sighs the sigh of an old man dealing with a very errant child.

“Cease your idiocy and kiss me again, monkey. And know that, when I’m feeling better, you shall pay dearly for that.”

“Of course, my Lord.” You grin warmly as you kiss him, not caring a whit that he’s sick.

[alyfawx]

I cant keep doing this...

I cant keep up with evrything expected of me...

i lose sleep..

im in pain all the time...

I keep pushing but i feel like...

utter shit...

I hate my job but i need money...

I Dont get paid enough to pay bills and get things that i like...

I am told in different ways that im not good enough or im not doing enough...

I cant find to much happiness doing the things I love...like writing...or eating stuff I love and crave...

im worried everyday about my health but i domt have the motivation to donwhats needed to keep it leveled...

im at war just toget my insurance but they keep saying my account is still open in fucking NY and its been years of flinging to my social worker trying to figure it out and cancel it and they say they will give me the papers I need to donit but never does and because of that my mental health is getting worse and worse because its not getting treated and i try to treat my own self with research and stuff but there is so much i can do...and I considered just...going to a mental psychiatric clinic but then I cant afford that because my damn NY account in insurance keeps saying its open but me an my mom tried to get it fix and it just will not fucking close 4 years of trying this 4 fucking years and im suffering inturnally...i contemplate running away from going to work but i cant...because work equals money...i feel like a burden to my family but have no clue what else I can give to them...when im fucked up...i cant take more hours because I feel like if I did I will be lutting more stress to my body that will probably make things worse....i hate asking for help because its looked down uponed...or I feel like my problems are solo fucking little compare to others who work there god damn butts off and im here complaining I cant do a 4 hour shift for like 4 days back to back without wanting to fucking blow my brains out because everything hurts...and on top of that I seriously cant deal with the stress my mind is on when im there..."im not good enough or fast enough or im socially awkward and weird and people will look at me like i'm not trying hard enough" and that makes work for me a living fucking HELL...because everyday I wish I see people doing things more efficient then me...but if im going any more then i am doing...im stressed and anxious and like not comfortable... and i just try to keep those thoughts down...but there is a point where I just cant even bother because my mind is so hard to shut off...once it gets going...i Don t know what to do anymore...im starting to feel like...hopeless...helpless because theres so much expactations on me...brcausr no one ilunderstands...no one wants too...and when they try they just say you just got to do it...its life...it I get compared to better off people mentally...stonger people...thats even with there struggles they can do it...im not one of those people and i dont think I'll ever be in my current situation...and honestly...u dont know what else I can do anymore...and its to the point where trying anything more then what I feel I capable of...ill push myself too much and I'll snap...and do something stupid just to get out of it...but I fight that thought...everyday...because of these expactations and people who love me...and I try to convince myself it will get better but im exhausted...this fight is draining me...and I want everything to change already...its want a fucking merical...something to get me out of this rut im in...because I juat cant do this anymore...im fighting and im still not giving up but im afraid that...oneday I wont be me anymore and that protection of fighting will break and then...it will be to late...

I will try with every fiber of my being to keep that fight...and fight...but theres just so much you can take when your in this low rut...that comes up and down and up and down...and up and down like a figging roller coaster...and sometimes its just...unable to keep those ups for very long...and I lie to myself to keep fighting...but im to the point where...i just...cant keep doing that....an I need help...and thats gonna worry people...and I try to keep this to myself...and even now after writing this im regretting this...but this is needed to come out...i am not okay...im not normal...im dying inside everyday...this is serious...please help me...and I know...thats hard to hear for some people...and you guys just probably want the Ally before she went through trauma...and you just want to think lightly of me...and that im fine and content...and I want her back too...i try to keep her...but theres times I just cant and shes so far away ...and I wont be ending my life...but...im just...not okay...and idk what to tell anyone...cuz I have no clue how to fix it on my own...its hard to keep up this mask...that I hide...but the mask is crumbling...i cant keep it together for much longer...

I wish I was okay...but im not...and I really dont know what else I can do anymore...

I try to keep a content mindset...but...unfortonatly I really can't...i hope I get out of it...i want to be okay...but im not okay...and I domt want it to get it to thr point where I cant recover...so please if you can help me in anyway...please...do....its a mess up here...and by tomorrow im sure...ill act like im okay and the way i am is fine because I don't every time...don't listen to me...i need all the help and support and love and understanding I can get...but dont freak out because when you freak out im freaking out and that stresses me out more....just approach me with a calm state of mind...and try your best to help me...and forgive me if it doesnt sink in to me quickly...i need patiants and lots of it...not frustration...not being told im not. trying hard enough because that will make me feel resentful and that isnt good for anything... not for me and not for the help...so please if anyone can help me out...its appreciated...

[burningbee]

Hi! Im neurotypical(i think) and in need of advice about my friend. She and I think she has adhd but she doesnt go to get diagnosed (she hasnt told me, but i think it's bc she cant afford it and she doesnt know where to go). As much as i try to understand her way of doing everyday things and the way she acts and handles her feelings, she angers me sometimes im ashamed to say. Do you have any tips to help me? I want to be respectful, helpful and able to communicate better. Not make her life worse

I can tell you really care about your friend. I can’t really help you though because 1) I am not a mental health professional, 2) I don’t know your friend at all. 

People with ADHD are not a monolith, we are an extremely diverse group of people with processing and regulation issues in our brains. If posting this comic has taught me anything it’s that although there can be a common theme in our experiences, none of them are exactly the same. 

I wish you the best of luck, I really do, but I am not a therapist. One thing I can tell you is that we are all in our own little worlds. If someone does something you don’t like, it’s best to assume that what they did is not about you and more about them. If your friend isn’t ready to get help, you can not make them get help. It sucks and it makes you feel helpless, but forcing an issue as touchy as therapy or medication will never go over well. 

[superhero-daugthers11]

Story of a Speedster

Hayley Allen Muse

@universeofmuses​

Hayley woke up on a bed in the emergency room of Star Labs. She sat up and she felt the room spin, she felt a pounding in her head that didnt seem to stop. she felt like a hundred bricks had been thrown at her head. her arms and legs throbbed, but she could still move them. She looked to her left and saw her mother and her grandfather, the two sat up straight and leaning on each other as they slept.

“Mom?” she called out. But she couldnt hear her own voice.  “Mom? Grandpa Joe?” Still no sound. “Mom!?! Grandpa Joe?!”

Her mother and grandfather jolted up. Joe practically jumped out of his seat. they approached her and looked at her with concerned expressions. Iris patted her daughters head and kissed her cheek. the two spoke at her, but she could hear what they were saying.

“Why are you whispering?” Hayley questioned, hopeful against the odds, that it was something simple as that.

Iris and Joe looked at each other and shook there heads. Then began to have a conversation, which she couldnt hear any of. The two looked incredibly worried, Iris began to cry half way through the conversation. 

She saw her father rush into the room. Part her was fearful, knowing she disobeyed her parents biggest rule. Yet the other part was so happy that he was alive. 

“Dad, before you say anything just give me a second to explain. ” she told her father desperately.  “I only did it because I saw you were in trouble, I didnt want to lose you...and this city cant afford to lose you either. I-I thought I could save you and get myself out quickly.” 

Sometimes we do stupid things for the ones we love. Hayley always was told that she could do anything if she really set my mind on it and she believe it with all her heart that its true. She had heard the stories of how her father constantly won battles and saved the world, even when the odds were stacked against him. So she figured if he could do that then she could too. This what happened before this point:

Hayley had always been one of the prides of her parents life. At 8 years old, she already had a genius IQ and was able to attend of the most challenging private schools, only a few towns outside the city. She strived within school and yet her dreams were not within academics. She longed to one day follow in her fathers footsteps and be a hero to the city. She knew her father loved the idea of his daughter one day becoming the new Flash, whereas her mother was a bit more cautious of the idea. Her father Dad would take her with him to Star Labs on weekends and he taught her how to run faster and fight. He also gave her lessons on how to use her mind against the bad guys. Her parents had always agreed that she would not be allowed to fight in a real battle until she was at least 18, and even then she would have to be accompanied by her father. Her parent told her maybe by 25 she could fight a battle alone. She was their shining star and they knew the dangers of the hero life. Yet Hayley was only 14 and she longed to be able to be a real hero.

When Hayley got home from school, she found her mother nervously glued to the TV as the news played. Hayley knew this meant trouble.

The news trucks had gathered on the scene to The Flash`s latest battle. Filming the Flash`s fights had become a way for the news stations to secure viewers. 

Hayley`s father was already exchanging batter with the meta. Barry had told Hayley about this meta. She had been tormenting the town and using her powers to rob banks and such. She was had the ability to control people with the sound of her singing voice. He had told her about how his team created an earpiece that would block out the specific tones that she used to gain control.

The Meta made her move and began to sing her song, no words just a eire melody like greek siren. Of course she was shocked when it had no effect. He speed toward her and he knocked her down. She got back up quickly and they began to battle between each other. She was was clearly outmatched so she began to sing again. Them the meta ran to the side and suddenly two men came along there eyes were pink, the color her victims began under her control. They were two meta humans one with one with a fire blaster and the other could bend air. The man with the fire shoot towards the flash, but he manged to dodge the attacks. The air guy forced a gust of wind toward the flash that knocked him over. The battle began to be more than he could handle when more metas come on the scene, called by the female and her singing voice. Eventually the video showed him on the ground bleeding and looking helpless. The metas had him surounded and he was too weak to speed away. More and more kept coming and they kept hitting him with everything they got. The one with the fire made a fire ball appear from his hand and forced it onto The flash leg. Hayley closed her eyes and then looked up at her mother. She could see she that she was terrified.

Hayley had an idea, she knew it was a bad idea, maybe she hoped maybe it would work. She knew she couldnt just sit there and watch him die.

She speed out of the house and she went to star labs, she might have previously stolen the codes to get in. as Hayley entered she saw Barry`s team surounding the computers and talking into his ear.

“I want to help!” Hayley told them.

The all looked toward me with surprised expressions.

“Hayley-” Cisco started.

“Look i know i`m not supposed to... but i really think he could use me.”

“No no.” Caitlin remarked. “Go home, Barry and Iris were very clear, they dont want you to getting into any of this superhero stuff right now. Putting you in this fight would be dangerous beyond reason.”

“Not if i can knock out the singing meta. She goes out then her control on the men will stop then dad can escape. I dont even have to use my powers, you guys have that knock out gun thing. I`ll be in and out in no problem! Besides do you guys have any better ideas? If we dont do anything dad something bad will happen to him.”

“We cant send you out.” Cisco told her. “If anything happened to you Barry would never forgive us. We called Arrow to come and help-”

 “He`s gana take too long, Dad needs help now!” she yelled.

She rolled her eyes and went ahead with her plan, without the team. She speed off grabbing the knock gun, not very sure how it worked..but only a minor issue. she figured she was smart enough to figure it out. 

Hayley appeared at the scene.

The woman cackled as she saw Hayley. 

“Is this your rescue team? A little girl?” she laughed again. 

She shakily lifts the gun. The woman makes a screeching melody from her voice. It felt like knives being stuck into her ears. Hayley scream in pain and fell to the floor. She could feel the blood dripping down her ears and then she pass out.

(OOC: So in the flashback i controlled Barry alot, but i`m not planing to do that as the RP goes on. I just wanted to start it from the point where she is in Star Labs, but i also felt like it was important to explain what happened before hand.)