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pleasantglitterflower · 4 months ago

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The dark side of envy (Joe Burrow x Burrow!sister x Patrick Mahomes)

Tw: envy, hatred, anger, resentment, displays of narcissism and psychopathy

NCAA Championship 2017- Clemsom x Alabama - Tampa, Florida

Janine had just won the college football championship for the Alabama Crimson. It had been a fantastic season for the young wide receiver. She walked towards her parents with the trophy in her hands, all proud, seeing her brother in the middle of the way, all smiles with open arms to welcome her.

-Jan, I can't believe it, I'm so happy for you, you're a champion. - Joe tries to hug her, but she walks right past him, pushing her arm hard against his chest.

-Get out of here, you little shit. - She strode towards her parents.

Joe stood there, embarrassed and not knowing what to do.

-Oh my God, daughter, I'm so proud, you won the college championship. - Her mother shakes her hard, before she and her father give her a triple hug.

-Now that we have a champion, next year we'll all be in the stands, cheering for Joseph. - She just forced a smile at her father's comment.

CURRENT DAYS

A lot has happened between Janine and Joe, her twin brother, but of all these many things, the most important one, without a doubt, was his effort to be with his sister, to show her that he loves her and wants to be part of her life.

Janine, on the other hand, is the kind of person who, when she realizes she is good at something, uses it to bring everyone down to earth.She has become the most poisonous and manipulative person Joe has ever met in his life and she loves being like that, the kind of unbearable person who only shows herself like that when everyone around her is already tied down enough to her and her ego.

Her words at first made him laugh, his mother would say “It’s just her way”, “She loves you”, “You are siblings, she would never hate you”.

But it’s not quite like that.Janine has never been able to see anyone being better than her and when she does, it’s better that that person is someone she really loves.

Like her husband Patrick.

Someone who is hard to overcome, hard to shake, hard to deal with and hard to hate.

She knew she couldn't compete with him, so why not combine business with pleasure?

Mahomes fell in love with her strength, her desire to be the best in everything she does and the way she is with her family.

At least until they get married.

-We finally have someone we can proudly call a quarterback- She boasts, still wearing a veil, with a glass of champagne in her hands, giving her husband a peck on the lips, who laughs awkwardly.

Joe, sitting at the table with his parents, heard it and started laughing, hoping it was just a joke, but it wasn't. Janine hates him.

As the years went by, the annoyance became more and more explicit at family dinners, making birthdays, the rare holidays they could spend together, a living hell for his parents, siblings, nephews, and husband, for everyone except Janine, who enjoys watching her brother with his head down, without the courage to retaliate, because he wouldn't be able to say a single word that he knew would hurt her, out of respect for his sister and love.

Actually, Joe never understood what love in a family is. Some people are easily lovable, while others, like Janine, even though he had more reasons to hate them, just thinking about it made him feel incredibly guilty and his conscience weighed on him. She was his sister and all she had to do was receive her love, no matter how much it cost him.

-You need to listen to this new Kendrick Lamar song, this guy never tires of changing the rap industry- Joe says, ecstatic as always, when the subject is his favorite genre.

-You again with that low-level and derogatory noise, please improve. Although what could I expect from you, right Joseph- His smile died and so did the conversation and smiles at the table.

-Jan please, you are married to a black man, you know better than anyone how important this song is for the whole society, that the lyrics talk about real problems, not stupid love affairs- He tries to keep the conversation going.

-Any John Lennon song already does the job, we are in the 21st century, no one is an idiot- she replied.

Seeing Patrick uncomfortable, she sat down next to him with her plate made, now she would need to disguise the situation.

-But of course if Patrick likes it I respect it, especially because he listens to artists and not gangsters.

They weren't just arguing about music.

-I've been thinking about maybe finishing my studies, maybe changing fields, it might be good for the future- Joe confessed to Jamie, his older brother.

-Joe, you're almost 30, do you really think now is the time to think about that? You wanted to waste your time with these ridiculous courses, you don't even have enough intellect to do anything else- Janine makes the comment. Dan, the middle brother, immediately snorts.

-You talk as if you were a respected journalist, when all you do is spread fake news on social media, what kind of intellect do you have, Janine Burrow? It's because of people like you that others hate journalists. Give us a break, girl- The brother stomped off.

-Far be it from me to be bored enough to judge other people's lives, especially since I have real problems to think about, but it's very interesting how you think that finance is less important than marketing. Don't forget that your beloved husband didn't graduate, but your brother has a master's degree, something that not even you have. - It was Jamie's turn to throw it in her face.

-I think it's better to focus on your problems, Jamie, and go pay your mortgage. - The brother's hatred is visible, from the looks on his face they would easily kill each other right there, in the Burrow family's living room.

But nothing in the world moved Joe more than when she decided to criticize the only thing that Joe was most proud of in the world, not a football trophy or a degree, but his foundation.

A foundation he wanted the whole family to be a part of and help out equally, something that would be something from his family to the others, but someone refused to be a part of it.

-Joseph, I've been thinking, I want to make a photo album for the foundation of all these moments we've spent together and most of all, it would be really cool if we had an annual photo with whoever wanted to participate, to show how many lives we've touched, it would be really cool- Robin focuses partly on the Thanksgiving pie and partly on what the Burrow siblings are doing in the kitchen, to make sure nothing gets out of hand.

-I was thinking about doing some TV commercials with the kids to try to get more visibility and donors. With that, I believe we could extend the donations to the state. I feel really bad about only being able to help our hometown. I even spoke to Jamie and he loved the idea. - Joe explained, trying not to get dirty with all the seasonings he puts in his food.

-It will be really good. We can see which kids feel comfortable speaking out, if their parents allow them to participate, and then we can put it on TV. If the feedback is positive, we can even get support from interested companies. - The older brother explained to Robin, who agreed excitedly.

-Doing charity and advertising? If you want to be seen so much, put a watermelon on your head and go naked in the street. It had to be Joseph's idea. He's trying to buy sainthood. If you show charity to everyone, it's better not to do it. - Janine hurt him in the worst way.

-That way we'll get more donors, more interested people who will help. - He tried to explain.

-I have projects like that and I don't need anyone to know when I make deals with other people, I also don't need anyone to know, I just go there and ask them to see the project and help. You're ridiculous, you only think about fame, did you know that I even have a project with the NFL itself? - She boasts.

The silence in the kitchen takes over.

-I encourage girls to dream and maybe make it to the NFL - she was soon interrupted by Jamie.

-Do you know what your mistake was Robin? Joseph not being Josephine, because she would beat Janine to a pulp - Jamie leaves the plate she is making, going to the sink to wash his hands.

-Or rather, my intellect isn't that bad, it's your fault, dad, because the man is the one who defines sex. Besides, it's your fault that this girl is like this, because you didn't raise her right, you just did everything she told you to do, you two are wimps and now we have to put up with this bitch talking shit - Jamie leaves in a hurry with Jim, his father, calling him.

-Don't beg me to come back, I'm almost 50 years old, I don't need this shit, I'm going back to my family who are saner - He shouted, leaving the house.

-Janine, this behavior is unacceptable and you know it - Robin tries to correct her daughter.

Although Jamie always gets on her case about what she does to Joe, he is her favorite brother and is always around, because for some reason the anger goes away.

For this very reason, Joe always felt forced to do the same, but for Jamie, who was never offended, it was easy to forgive.

And when her mother got stressed about the situation and called her to talk and take it easy on Joe, she gives her best acting.

-Joseph has always been the favorite, you always loved him more than me, because I'm a girl, you always celebrated everything he does and never cared about what I do- She opened his mouth and started to cry.

Jim dried her face, which began to burn, and when he felt his chest tighten, seeing his little daughter sad, he quickly went to her and hugged her tightly, while Robin remained firm.

-You know better than anyone that we always did everything equally for both of us. When you won the NCAA, we threw a party and kept Joe hopeful that his ring would arrive, and when he won, we threw a party and kept you hopeful that one day greater victories would come. So swallow your tears, because you have nothing to complain about us, girl, not in that sense, we always did everything equally.

But none of that is enough to stop her.

Patrick discovered a blog years ago, something very common until he was a teenager, where there was always some special subject for the author that it addressed, until it was replaced by long videos on platforms with the same style. But the more time passed, the more he spent with Janine and returned to the blog, the stranger everything became.

Investigating was not enough, she is his wife and knows her well, but he does not have the courage to ask if she had a blog when she was a teenager.At least until the day came to clean the garage, she had to get everything there in time, so why not during the holidays?

He took down the boxes, got ladders and a bench to tidy up the place and take a break from her pink world, it seemed like a good thing.Among the dolls, books, photographs, old telephones studded with crystals, making him laugh at the fashion of the time and also at imagining her at that age, he found an old diary with a broken padlock.

He opened it, imagining that they were drawings, because he himself loved to draw, but showing them to anyone would only be embarrassing. Even among the various scribbled pages, he found some rants about his family, very similar to the ones on the blog, nothing too different from what she talks about every day, so he wasn't too worried.

Until he saw one reference in particular, which left no doubt.

“Just one”

That's what the girl on the blog always said, because according to her, she wished she had been the only one born on that December 10, 1996.

Patrick didn't even blink, everything seemed to stop around him. It couldn't really be her, his wife saying those things about her family on the internet, for everyone to see, as much as he hoped to know that it really is, it's too heavy for him.

She didn't see when he came to her in the living room, she just threw the notebook for her to catch and by the look on her face, she knew exactly what it meant.

-I already know about the shit you did- He said loudly, catching her attention.

-That's good then- She let the notebook fall on the couch and went back to looking at the phone.

-If you still want to live in this house, be my wife and have the slightest bit of my respect, find a way to fix this situation, because if this becomes public, it won't be very good, besides, everything you wrote about them is disgusting and knowing them Janine, I know it's a lie - Mahomes yelled

-Of course it's a lie, Joseph is too soft, he would never be able to fight back against me, but it made everything much more fun- She couldn't stop laughing.

Patrick stares at her seriously, not believing what he heard, and then she finally sees that he is really angry.

-And what are you talking about me? What did you lie about me to people or, I don't know, on some fake login somewhere? Fix this or this marriage ends here. - His ultimatum came out, leaving her alone in the living room with many worries, but not about feelings or what she did, but about being discovered and what she would do.

She took the diary and threw it in the trash can on the street, calmly returned to her house, not imagining that there would be a photographer there at that moment, wanting to see the facade of the house, after the recent renovation.

Unfortunately for her, he waited for her to come in and stop the movement at the door, to hang on the trash and pick it up, which for him at one moment seemed crazy, soon became true, since when he opened it, he found something too heavy and soon saw the same thing as Patrick.

Patrick was soon asked at the press conference.

Chaos ensued.

The Mahomes family was shocked, since they had no suspicions about this evil and dark side of Janine.

The Burrow family was devastated, due to so much exposure, each one of them was exposed there in an almost indiscreet way, with only their identities hidden.

Anyone who knew Janine and the way she talks about them would know it was her, because she talks about many things that happened, but also invents many others to make herself look poor.

Anyone who only knew the Burrow family would be suspicious, but would never have guessed that Janine would do this.

Joe was seen by Ja'marr, crying in the training center, hiding, afraid of being found, wondering what bad thing he did in his life for his sister to hate him so much.

Yes, hate.

As she herself writes in a post that was rescued, "If I had known that my brother would be so unbearable, I would have found a way to suffocate him with the umbilical cord", and she has often admitted in other posts that she planned different ways to kill Joe, whether by putting poison in his food, trying to asphyxiate him while he was sleeping, or even contacting hardcore serial killers from Athens to order the crime, but according to her, she ended up giving up because she wanted more years to make his life hell.

Joe is devastated, hurt, hurt, sad, it's as if someone had broken both his legs, both his arms and kicked him in the face, no injury and no defeat would hurt more than that.

In another state at the training press conference.

-Janine, what do you have to say about the blog? Do you regret it? Have you apologized to your family and especially to Joe? - A reporter asks.

-I was just a teenager, a child, too immature, it was just a joke, nothing major and they know it. - Her evasive answer and psychotic smile after answering the question shocked everyone. The apathy and coldness in Janine's eyes, and her frightening psychopathic smile put a warning sign in everyone present in that press conference room. They didn't need to be experts in psychology to realize that they were in front of a pathological narcissist with psychopathic traits.

Patrick began to suffer the consequences, as if he himself had created that blog.

-If Patrick doesn't come out and apologize, it will only seem like he is in agreement with all of this and since she is his wife, it is very clear that yes, he is in agreement. How can someone marry someone who doesn't respect their own family? If he didn't know before, now he does. What does she say about him without him knowing? - One of the commentators asked indignantly.

-Exactly, he has to speak up.

-Yes, he does, many sponsors won’t agree with that - another added.

-What scares me the most is that Patrick and Janine have a daughter together, what kind of education is this child receiving? Poor child - another commenter laments

That weighed on Patrick's conscience, the consequences of what he didn't do could arise,that's when he washed his face and made a video tagging the entire Burrow family, except Janine.

'I would like to publicly apologize to everyone in my wife's family.

Above all, I would like to say that I found out about this a few days ago and that I do not condone it, nor have I ever condone it. I have already asked her to do the same and I am waiting for it to happen and, like everyone else, I know very well that this cannot happen at home, it must happen publicly, since she had the courage to expose the family publicly in so many ways, for so many years. I can only regret that this happened. I love each and every one of this family and they are my family, especially you Joe, who shares the same profession and who is so young and talented, you have always had and will always have my respect and affection. You are family to me, you are a brother, I am sorry for those hurtful things you read, things your sister said about you'

The video was finished and posted, Patrick was more than ecstatic with everything he read.

When Janine saw it, she immediately appeared behind him, ready to confront him.

-My video, which I had no obligation to post, is ready, now please, have enough courage, the same courage you had to mistreat your brother, and do the same Janine and personally apologize to your family and Joseph or, if it's better, pack your bags and leave - He ordered, going up the stairs without even looking at her face.

She hugged her brother in a careless way, while he, imagining that she was being truthful, held her tightly, letting the tears wet her shoulder, who soon grimaced without anyone seeing.

-I'm sorry for everything, I was just an immature and idiot, who didn't know what I was saying, you know I love you very much Joe - She said it out loud very easily.

When her brother released her and she thanked him for it, she had to put on a fake expression of sadness, which worked well.

Peace was established between the Burrow’s, at least that's what everyone thought, since now she had other ways to transfer her anger towards Joe, a new diary, and Janine, with her traditional psychopathic smile, started writing again.

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kaledya · 4 months ago

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I'm back, trying to answers things and not forget anything 🌸

So Lolicia faq !

Favorite food ? - muffaletta sandwich - shrimp with piment sauce - mango beverages

Favorite activity ? - playing harp - dance (but it's take a lot of energy if there is no water close by) - harvesting purple cords (its like gardening ?)

I can't say too much yet but she good at foreign languages and history. And she likes fashion of course!

For personality traits, I don't really know what you mean ? But she is on the autism spectrum disorder (just like me🌸)

I don't really know what is 'habits' exactly ?

Which overlords Lolicia have met ? (Before The Overlord Meeting ARC)

- Haven't met : Rosie, Vox, Serenity - Might talk to but never met face-to-face : Carmilla, Velvette - Have met : Zestial, Alastor, [spoiler ep 5.3] Val

For the Succubuses lifespan question ?

I think Succubus/Incubus lives longer than Imps generally if they harvest more lust from Humans/Demons/Others they actually made their lifespan better and longer! Until 500 years old ?

And yes Lazuli is alive ! Slaying.

Lazuli is very pretty, uniquely blue and mute succubus, she works in the best luxury brothel of the Lust Ring, she will live long for sure! And if Flora becomes her mentor to be next Madam, I'm sure Lazuli will be good at it ! Lady Lazuli hell yes.

I'm glad you love her !!🌸 Like a cute djinn a little (a marid because she would be like a water djinn ahah)

And I saw you draw the outfits i made for Constantine and Verdelet 🌸 its just Ver give me this rebellious rocks vibes sometimes !

And I love your smileys !

• Big message answers

The cleric thing is hilarious! AND OF COURSE I LIKE IT.

I hope you are not sick/coughing no more ! Hope you are fine. Ahah the grandmother voice is scary in some way!

Of course, Verdelet is a duke now, he has a room too big with 373838383 clothes or something. And somehow he probably stay in his house with the same pretty flowing silk bathrobe, like a rich widow or something even if he has never been married ahah.

*trying not to laugh when I see you in pain about the philosophical thoughts*

I mean I was so surprise too ! When I see you answer to that but at least its good, its mean, without knowing it, we are in agreement in some lore you haven't explained yet ! (Linked to Lolicia deep backstory)

Not nevermind, I love this sentence to make sure people are recovering from your language. So pretty ! And thank you. I battle the sickness and win, so I'm back on track slowly !

*hugs* 🌸

Zootopia/Zootropolis is such a guilty pleasure!

Serenity is charismatic to the core. That Misfortune Overlord outfit you draw ? Still make me fall on my knees each time I see her ahah.

I like the idea for Constantine eyes !

And, oh my gods yes to the golden parts on his body ! *I want i want, in niffty scream too* I'm waiting with popcorn. Like ?? Slay ! Constantine makeover. Mel and Malenia (I was about to say Minthara ahah) such good exemple. I'm so here for it.

I just imagine Constantine and Lolicia "competition for fun of clothes and style" like who is the most beautiful but at the end they just pillow fight ahah!

Response to comments

Thank you for all the feedback damn it. *cry in mess* where is my hamster ? I didn't expect it you like so much ! Especially I had the scene in my mind for a little week and I had fever when I write it but it paid of, its exactly like I imagine and I'm so glad you like it!

And yes for the blood gore, I always try to put a trigger warning, I don't have the same sensibility to it than others so I try to be cautious and for that it always make sense.

And Alastor and Charlie is like :

C : be okay, Al, I care for you. We will be friend. A : what the hell was that ChArLie?!

Alastor mind : "She is witch. She tries to kill me in my sleep and pretend to be nice." Charlie mind : "We are in better terms now (:"

I will stop ahah.

Thank you again for everything and thank YOU. Have a nice day 🌸

HI!!

-Seriously exotic dishes are their favourite. I love this!

- ı really like that their favorite activity is playing the harp, dancing fits them well too, and yes, I think that consider as gardening, after all, they harvest something, right?

-Yes, I can definetly see they loves fashion, they always wears amazing dress! 💅💅

For persosonel trait Some kind of positive or negative characteristics. for example;

-Constsntine's sleep schedule is terrible, sometimes he doesn't sleep for hours and acts like a mad genius when he's sleep deprived.

-or has terrible eating habits, but he usually eats cereals and sweets when he is alone.

-Since Serenity loved animals very much when she was little, she would always catch a lizard or a possum and bring it home.

Etc Etc. So you can think of it as the character's habits.

-It's very interesting that Lolicia is on the autism spectrum!! (Like their parent(you) 🌸🌸)

You can think of habits as the character's habits / things he constantly does, similar to the example given above

---

Okay, now that you know which overlords you know, I'm better prepared for what's to come.AND YES, VAL, I AM WAITING FOR THE NEW EPISODE TO COMMENT ON THE EPISODE, BUT WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN THESE TWO? Did Val have a crush on Lolicia and they rejected him and now he can't handle being rejected?

I was relieved to hear that they lived for a really long time, and yes, a sucubuss as beautiful and talented as Lazuli would probably climb the steps of success easily if she had the right teacher!And of course he will have a long life with him. future madam lady And of course I loved her, she is cute in personality and her design is beautiful!!!

---

Lmao I'm glad you like it Cleric joke But I even have a plan B. If Cleric doesn't work, I'll use my Necrohamster (I love puns)

I am good! Grandmother/An alcoholic in the late 1980s, my voice is gone, freedom at last *imagine me posting a photo of a man breaking my chains at sunset*

-LMAO! Verdelet Please never change May he remain as a diva forever slayyy💅💅💅

- Yes, I am in pain, but on the other hand, I am happy because of it!!

-Thank you!! I'm glad you liked her outfit. I'm thinking of doing a ref sheet for Serenity soon. It's really fun to draw her Misfortune jacket!

-Constantine, I'm so glad you loved the idea of adding the gold parts!!! I couldn't add those gold extensions to his body in a good way right now.But now he has gold ornaments on his horns + gold scales under his eyes Slay💅

And yes good old Mithata ( our beloved girl boss)

And seriously, the episodes were masterpieces, you really cooked! Also, I don't think you should limit yourself too much for blood and gore, after all, this is an 18+ series.

So be as free as you want, I really love reading your works!!?

And Charlile and Alastor lmao Seriously loves the dynamics

Al: This girl is not stupid. Why is she being nice to me? Or is she making a plan behind my back? No, that's not possible. She's too good-hearted for that.... Weird..

Then Charlie, looking with puppy dog eyes: I just want to be friends!

Thank you for responding again! I wish you a good day too!!

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dilf-in-peril · 7 months ago

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get to know me game!

I was tagged by @pepsi-maxwell & @emobatsy thanks!

do you make your bed? If I am expecting someone to see it.

what's your favourite number? uuuuuh... 23?

what is your job? data engineering

if you could go back to school would you? Would love to be one of those retired old people who just listen to lectures on art history for the fun of it, yeah. Otherwise, fuck no.

can you parallel park? not anymore

a job you had that would surprise people? Food delivery on bike? Is that surprising? It was pretty cool actually if you enjoy being physically utterly exhausted and also listening to audio books.

do you think aliens are real? I think there are probably living things on other planets but I'm not sure about all the flying saucers and anal probing. The Fermi paradox is SO interesting.

can you drive a manual car? not anymore

what's your guilty pleasure? bad dudebro porn on ao3

tattoos? no.

favourite colour? still teal

favourite type of music? electronic, synth pop, post-industrial, experimental, classical

do you like puzzles? hell yeah

any phobias? I don't think so... maybe industrial machinery. That's not a phobia though if the danger is real. Fuck that shit.

favourite childhood sport? Climbing trees.

do you talk to yourself? In my head? All the time. Out loud? No.

what movie(s) do you adore? Like adore specifically? That's such a specific word... Days of Heaven, The Gospel According to St. Matthew, The Ascent, The Seventh Seal, Andrei Rublev & Mirror

coffee or tea? Coffee.

first thing you wanted to be growing up? Nature documentary cameraman.

Hey, I just did an ask game and tagged people so if you've either one of them and ready for another round or just read this far and you want to do it, you are now tagged.

#about me

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elizaxspears · 10 months ago

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after them, before us also caught my eye!

Ah yes! I'm a firm beliver in Eric/William under very circumstances! It's also a sequal to an old fic of mine called Mind Who You Reap but it doesn't need to be read to understand much of what's happening in After Them, Before Us! Basically, both of them are grieiving for their lost loves in their own ways; Eric's more bombastic while William reverts back to his cold, indiffrent ways while holding back all his emotions. Eventually, they slowly start to help each other mourn in more healthy ways while fixing their friendship that William pretty much burned in the first story which slowly turns more romantic!

Eric/William is a guilty pleasure ship of mine because like I said, I firmly believe that it can work! Their personalities are opposties but I feel they can work really well off each other!

Here's a snippet from one of the many drafts of chapter 1! It's still a major work on progress, so whenever I decide to post it, expect it to have major changes!:

He winces at that very idea. Life partner. The very idea was silly, wasn’t it? He knew Alan was bound to die, everyone did, yet he still wanted to waste time on such human concepts such as engagements and weddings. Hell, even his proposal was far from what he’d ever planned. There wasn’t even a ring. Still, Alan had said yes. Alan wanted to marry him. He wanted to indulge in such concepts as well. Maybe it’s a victory he can hold over William’s head.

He sighs, pushing himself up from his chair. “Alan I’m home!” he calls to no one. “I’ll put the kettle on and then I’ll join ye on the couch.”

He does just that. He puts the kettle on and waits. What sort of tea does he want tonight? He’s not usually a tea drinker, but he finds himself having indulged in it more now that he didn’t have Alan to make it for. He eventually settles on chamomile. So with his tea made, he goes to the couch and leans gratefully into the cushions. It feels like it’s been a long day, it always feels like it’s been a long day, especially when he has to deal with William. Their fall out had carried on these last few months, neither wanting anything to do with the either. Eric wants to demand an apology from William for all the things he’d said regarding Alan, for casting away his feelings for Ronald so quickly, for thinking he’s above anything that had happened.

#my writing #black butler #kuroshitsuji

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jittersbitters · 1 year ago

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Splintered Hearts (1)- "First Impressions"

Story summary: Two people of differing backgrounds; Both religiously traumatized (in different ways), both college friends of Foggy, and both not having the most stable of lives- romantic or otherwise. One looking to become a lawyer (and a savior) for the people of Hell's Kitchen, while the other chooses to be a doctor for those entering an early grave. Two vastly separate lives finally starting to collide- for better or for worse? Secrets and lies always did make kisses far more sweet.

Chapter summary: Foggy has a friend at the hospital that Matt has been dying to meet. Through circumstance and luck, he finally gets the chance to meet them one-on-one. Hopefully, the chicken and dumplings he brought are enough to smooth things over.

Word count: 7k

Chapter Mood board

Tropes: Strangers to lovers, friends with benefits to lovers, daddy issues, might be some friends to unknown enemies to lovers (We'll see how I feel when we cross that bridge), friendship to love to hate to love again, Food is the easiest way to anyone heart (Trope or just facts?). Catholic x Pagan (guilty pleasure), lawyer x doctor, vigilant x reformed criminal (pending...), sex first love later, Oops we fell in love type story, slow burn, mutual pining, both fell first and then fell harder

Content Warning (Strap in folks; bolded is what appears in this chapter): FMC is named (I can't do that Y/N shit or constantly typing just she/her and vague gender descriptions, I have war flashbacks from my Wattpad days. Sorry fam oc is being slapped in here- I don't care it feels better), Possible Inaccuracies (I'm reading the script sue me), The subtlest hint of daddy issues, Vaguely mentioned age gap between Matt and Amilia (FMC), Religious trauma, Matt went one-way and Amilia went the other, mentions of drug use, Descriptions of drug use, Mentions of addiction recover, Falling off and going on a bender, Mentions of past criminal active, Descriptions of murder scenes, Descriptions of violence, FILTH, SMUT IS TO COME I promise, Just got to sit through the slowest slow burn ever, Detailed descriptions of dead bodies, She's not like other girls she likes to play with the dead, I'll add more when we get farther into this- editing has transformed this from the original plot- its BETTER

part one

A/N: If you would have told me 3 years ago I would be posting this, I would have laughed in your face- but here we are. Special thanks to @knightofthieves and a couple Matt Murdock pages for giving me the confidence to edit and post this. It turned out better than expected, I hope you like it. I'm hoping to post this on the same schedule as my therapy visits. We will see.

"It isn't the red ribbon that binds us together.

The root that unifies us, does not derive from a tree on the wall.

This bond knows no genetics.

Friendship is a peculiar seed.

No matter the season, the weather,

nor the time of the day.

When planted on a nourishing soul,

it will always bear fruit." -Clairel Estevez

~-~

‘240 N. Pleasant Ave. Bronx, NY 10462’

This had been the place her nurse had mentioned. Taking people in, like her, with nowhere else to go. Wayward kids and adults with habits that made them undesirable to society.

That's what she was at this moment, unwanted and pathetically useless.

With no skills to manage a normal life, this was the last choice she had - rehabilitation with nothing more than a voucher and a bag of belongings. She had been lucky an attending had been nice enough, kind enough, to her to shove a piece of paper in her hand before ushering her out the door. Three simple lines containing the information and resources to get somewhere safe.

Now, the letter with the address card was held, crumpled, in her hand. Thinning for days spent reading the smudged words, a reminder of a fresh start. A start that had the slouched woman, draped in the shadows left by the broken lamp post, looking up at the old Georgian-styled house in front of her. Sticking out like a sore thumb, presenting as some sort of illusion made from the smog and grey drizzle. Potted plants and windchimes hung from the porch rafters, the sound of the crystals sitting almost eerily in the air. The glow of the interior lights giving a warm backwash that set shadows across the front lawn, reached the tips of her shoes.

It made her anxious. Being out, prancing up to a random stranger's house. It was almost uncanny. A normal house, a normal neighborhood. Complete with the green yard and a slowly aging white picket fence. Flowers were even planted to perfectly line the bottom... It was an oasis in the New York chill, made to allure those passing by. It was only a thousand miles from home and the complete opposite of everything she had grown to know. It made her feel insignificant and self-conscious, small. Worried that her clothes would have the lady of the house turning up her nose in disgust. Button up wrinkled and disheveled from the bus ride, obviously heavily slept in and smelling of humid sweat. She had done her best to freshen up at the bus stop, nervous about making the right impression for the first time face to face. She just worried that the effort hadn’t been enough.

She’d think it was excitement, butterflies fluttering in her gut like a teenage girl going to prom if it wasn’t for the acid that was climbing up her throat. Burning bile that had her stomach in knots, turning over and over till she felt like she was about to lose her lunch. A clammy, cold sweat dripped between her fingers. She cringed at the salty texture; hastily patting her palms dry on the sides of her legs and shoving the paper into her coat pocket. Finally looking around at something other than the house, she peered around the dead residential street becoming acutely aware of just how long she had been standing out front. Tsking crudely at her absurd behavior, calling herself a child as she picked at the fraying seam of her pants.

“Fuck, FUCK,” she said bitterly through her teeth. Hearing the grind of them in her ears as she fixed her sack. The strap dug into her shoulder, loaded with all her earthly possessions, as she finally stepped into the light of the driveway. Making the agonizing journey to the front door, stalling on the steps of the porch as she saw all the trinkets and planters. Not being able to help herself, tutting at the stereotypical rocking chair by the front door - fit with the dog bed sitting beside it. The rattling of the bench swing creaked next to it as a breeze swept through, chimes ringing behind her.

Guess she really was a Grandma…

When she came to the front door, she remembered to breathe, steeling her overzealous nerves, and taking one last look around before knocking on the door. Making it quick with false vibrato before she lost her edge. Instantly, she regretted it as someone seemed to bounce up and shuffle toward the door, obviously expecting her arrival. It had her inching side to side, smoothing down the wrinkles in her button-up, tightening her ponytail to hide tangled hair. Still fussing over her appearance like a schoolgirl, when the door opened- stomach sinking to her feet. The light from the entrance basking her pale face, the smell of some type of cookie wafting through the air. Her stomach growled as she felt drawn inside forgetting she hadn’t eaten since she stepped foot on her bus here. Mouth watering at the same time her lips felt parched, her throat begging for a glass of water.

“Ah, Darling! You must be Ms. Boteo! Rachael told me to be expecting you tonight.” An elderly woman opened the door, tanned skin wrinkled with age and blotted with freckles. A smile that could rival the sun brightened her face as she took in the young woman's tired appearance. A small frown twitched at the sides of her lips as her eyes scanned the bags under the lady’s even darker eyes. Growing the tiniest bit unsettled, disappointed, by the dead look behind them. Not even the light from her house was managing to brighten them. Somehow just made the amber look hauntingly soulless, fading into the black ring of her iris. It had the woman pushing down a shiver, rubbing her hands together like the chill of mid-October was getting to her. Hiding a frown in a brightened smile.

“Why- Why don’t we get you out of this cold? I’ll introduce you to everyone…” She led the newly arrived women inside with a hand on her shoulder, shocked when she felt nothing but ice. Even with the leather jacket, she shouldn’t have been that cold. “And maybe a nice cup of tea, hmm?”

~-~

Seven years later…

“Nelson,” The sharp voice of his boss cut through the air like a knife. It made both men freeze in the middle of their work. Both turned to answer her, Foggy feeling like a deer in headlights as his pen slipped from his hand and the office phone pressed into his shoulder dangled precariously. The air felt thick in their closet of an office as she looked between the two interns with a passive gaze. “I need you to sit in on my meeting with the Agnelli accounts.”

The panic that went through Foggy was palpable. “Yes ma’am.” He gave an awkward nod of his head, enough to satisfy his boss. He looked between her departing back and his notepad, finishing his call- obviously disgruntled. “Yes, Yes, thank you, Bobby.”

*Click*

Foggy fell back into his chair, tense as he pushed the phone away from him in a huff. “Shit! I was supposed to go to the hospital for lunch…”

“You still haven’t got the list?” Matt turned his head toward Foggy’s voice, hands grazing over the documents before him. “I thought you went to see them on Monday?”

“No,” He pulled the word out, turning inward to their shard desks. “They were called to a scene as soon as I arrived. Walked out the door with a pat on the back and a ‘I’m sorry, I'll see you whenever Franklin’ before whipping out the door and leaving me with TWO servings of Taiwanese noodles. With all our overtime, today is the only time we both have available for a while. I won’t be seeing them till after the trial at this rate.”

Matt’s fingers stopped mid-page.

Foggy was desperate. The case was going to court in 3 days, and while they had a case without paperwork from the hospital, it wasn’t perfect. It had holes, and their boss didn’t like holes. The records would be the cherry on top. Impress the boss and make the trial MUCH easier to breeze through. Two birds, one stone. Besides... Matt had never been allowed to know so much as the name of whoever this friend was at the hospital. This could be his chance, as selfish as it was- he was far too curious to care anymore.

“I…Could go?” Matt tried to sound as nonchalant as possible. Leaning in his chair as he swiveled to the side. Without paying attention to anything else, Matt could still feel the disdain at the idea, heavy in the air like smoke. The way Foggy fidgeted and gave him a shrewd once over to discern Matt’s intentions. However, before Foggy could shoot him down like usual, Matt raised a hand to interrupt him. Let him try and convince him. “Think about it. I don’t have that much work and you have this meeting now. When’s the next chance you’re realistically going to have to go to the hospital?”

“...”

Silence was good. Silence wasn’t a no. As long as he held it long enough, he was bound to break eventually…

“... You’ll need to pick up the order from MeiMei’s.” That was NOT entirely too far from the hospital. “It's Friday so she will be counting on the usual from there, she’s particular about these things.”

“Sounds reasonable,” Matt gave a little shrug of the mouth but got nothing but silence again in return. He sensed Foggy becoming more anxious about the idea, having to contemplate if he was actually going through with this. Was the report really worth exposing his ‘mystery man’? Years of excuses going down the drain, opening a door he wouldn’t be able to close.

“You’ll behave yourself?” Even without context, Matt got the subtext in that accusation. It was the first domino tipping, sewing the downfall of all the rest.

“So they’re a woman, then? Interesting” The upward twitch in his lips gave Foggy all the proof he needed not to trust his friend. Resigning with a sharp glare and an exaggerated sigh that Matt couldn’t help but laugh at. It didn’t help his case, only ended in another sharp look shooting his way.

“No. No! The answer is no.” Foggy turned away, starting to pack up papers for the new meeting. Surrending himself to the absence of that report, not like they needed it. It would be fine. There was always the next case, another opportunity to impress the boss would always arise

“Okay, Okay,” Matt put his hands up, showing his capulation. Though, still smiling at his friend's obvious discomfort and exasperation. “I promise it will be nothing, but my best behavior.”

Foggy rolled his head toward Matt. Even though he knew Matt couldn’t see him, it didn’t stop Foggy from giving his office mate a ‘do I look stupid to you’ stare. Looking the most unamused he had ever been with Matt, it was almost a shame Matt didn’t get to witness it. “See, that?” he thrusted an open hand toward his partner. “That is the problem.”

Matt snorted, raising his eyebrows. “What now? How is that the problem?”

“With you it is. You’ll talk nice and butter her up, then next thing I know I’m being canceled on for lunch because you wooed her, or whatever it is you do,” he was waving his hands around, becoming more eccentric as he continued to shove papers and files he needed into his case.

“Wooed her? Foggy-”

“No, I’m not losing my only client before I’ve even started.” He clipped his briefcase shut, doubling down. “Took me way too long to convince her lawyers aren’t the devil, I’m not letting you take that away.”

“Hey, now. I’m just trying to help,” Matt leaned farther back in his chair, a convincing smile never leaving his lips. “I will keep my distance, I swear it.” The uptick in his tone told Foggy not to trust him, track record not being taken into consideration… but he did trust Matt, even if now it might have been misguided. If he made it clear she was off limits then, he was more than sure that Matt would stick to it… Right?

It was a beat before Matt heard the victorious spleen sigh of Foggy relenting. Leaning over his desk to write a note, scribbling it quickly before stuffing it in Matt’s shirt pocket. “Give that to her boss, he asked me to look into the legality of something for him.”

“Oh?” His satisfaction was quickly replaced with confusion. What could that mean?

“You’ll... Find out soon enough…” Foggy gave a shrug, nodding his head side to side. “Probably.” He stole his briefcase from his desk, reaching for the door. “Go to the hospital and head to the morgue, she’s a resident there.”

“The morgue?” Matt gave him a befuddled look. He didn’t know what he expected, but it wasn’t that.

“Yeah,” Foggy laughed, finding his own amusement. His turn to smile now. “The morgue.”

Matt was left with nothing else as Foggy left quickly after, not fully closing the door to their office in his rush. He didn’t know what he felt more, surprise Foggy gave in and let him go in his stead or that uncomfortable feeling that has your skin crawling when you look down your basement stairs. Matt chose to focus on the surprise, for his sake.

~-~

Upon entering the Morgue, Matt is hit with a strong wave of chemicals and burnt coffee. It was thick enough in the air to make his temples burn with an unpleasant ache. The strong smell of the hospital had hit him a floor up and two blocks away, down here he could taste it on the back of his tongue. It made his throat clog with a metallic taste, it was nasty. How anyone could stomach even the lightest waft of this smell was beyond him. He could hear the whirling of a centrifuge buzzing off to the side, someone sitting next to it was tapping their pen against the table. He hears the click of the top before the scratch of it gliding against a piece of paper. No doubt jotting down some sort of note, the person too absorbed in work to take notice of his presence.

Stepping farther in, his cane hit the edge of the doorway, leading into a sunken room with a couple of stairs going down to it. The woman in front of him had a steady heartbeat but her breathing was shallow. She's exhausted, he can hear it in the slight cracking of her back and joints when she shifts in place. He almost feels bad for disturbing her while she is in such a state, it barely being passed 1 p.m. no less. The burnt coffee smell stong in her direction, she practically reeks of it. No creamer, maybe a spoon full of stale sugar. The mild soap and linens smell a mild undertone compared to the caffeine aroma staining her white coat… and… Pomegranates.

Matt doesn't get the time to reconsider, not that he would. Not when his chance to find out more was being served to him on a silver platter. He is barely a step down into the main room when the woman suddenly becomes aware of his presence. A sudden, hungry, chirp cuts through the space between them, like a knife through a crisp fruit.

“Chicken and rice dumplings?" She sounded as tired as she felt, a dry mirthy tone accompanied an even drier laughter. A meer chuckle as she lifted her head at the smell of the food in the bag hanging in Matt's hand, though not turning her head to see who was behind her. "I’d say you spoil me Percy, but we both know that's not the case.”

The heavy sarcasm is obvious like a slap in the face. The technician half turned in her chair, still writing down her final notes as she expected Foggy’s usual quip back. Something about how much he needs her, he wouldn’t be able to do half his job without her, voice laced with some sort of exaggerated desperation and false adoration. Something to butter up her ego even more. And Matt being, well, who he was- the gentlemen he is, couldn’t help but feel obliged. In his own way, of course.

So, with a wide smug smile spreading on his face, showing teeth while replying all too smoothly.

“I’m not this, Percy,” Matt tried not to laugh at the fact that this girl called Froggy by his middle name. “But, I have no problem spoiling you, if that's what he does.”

He expected to scare her a bit, maybe jump in her seat. That he expected. What he didn’t expect was her to shriek like a dying seagull before devolving into a coughing fit as she choked on her spit. Terror shot through her as she was rendered vulnerable in a moment of fear.

That was definitely not her usual lunch buddy.

Horror evolved into shock and embarrassment when she looked over to the door. Finding an older, than her, man with a heavy 5’oclock shadow and a cheeky smile that had her heart skipping a beat in both their ears. Struck silent for a moment as she twiddled the pen in her hand, chewing herself out for her twitterpation. Over nothing but a stranger who had found his way into her lab. Instantly drawn to his striking red glasses that glinted in the fluorescent light, giving him a devilish expression. It caused her a moment of pause before she pointed her pen at him, an eyebrow raising as she tried to figure out who the hell this random man at her job holding her lunch was. “You’re not him…”

She dragged out her words a bit as she attempted to settle her fluttering heart, eyes flicking all over his face. Abashly noting to herself that he had dimples, seeing them very clearly even part-way across the room from her. Etched deep into his scruffy face, accentuating his smile lines.

Pushing out air through her nose, she had to remind herself that staring wasn’t nice. Remebering her manners enough to throw a nervous, flirty smile his direction (aware he couldn’t see it)- setting down her pen to give Matt her full attention. Notes could wait, this was far more interesting.

“Not that I’m complaining, but what happened to him? Finally, bribed the wrong police officers?” She laughed at her joke, standing from her seat and using her foot to push in her stool. Stepping around the room, venturing closer with a drag in her step. Giving Matt time to answer before she got too close, too comfortable.

“No, nothing, like that.” He laughed, shaking his head. Walking farther into the room, taking her movement as an invitation. Careful, after scaring her, not to go too far into her personal space without another enticement. “Our boss called him to sit in on a meeting with a client.”

Matt received another bemused chuckle, listening to her rub her hands in sanitizer before stuffing them into her pockets. "So he sent you?" She was walking around the exam table between her and Matt, both lucky he hadn’t come in while she was in the middle of an active case. "That's… New.” Underneath all her bravo and charm, she was put off. Anxious. The masked stims and raising pulse; rubbing her thrumb over the seams of her pockets, the swinging of her elbows, biting her lip. She wasn’t as happy about his presence as she portrayed.

Matt chose to tread lightly, considering her reaction carefully. Leaning against his cane at his side, using it to balance as he put all his weight on one foot. Mimicking her chuckles, smiling boyishly again to try and soothe her over. Becoming as none threateningly as possible. “No,” His voice was a bit softer, the word coming out as only a breath while shaking his head. “I just happened to volunteer at the right time to bring you your food instead.” Shifting on his feet, he lifted her food, dangling it in front of her. If memory served, Foggy did say that food was the quickest way into her good graces. “I didn’t think it fair for Foggy to keep our best source of information to himself… Plus” He shrugged his mouth, not being able to stop himself from teasing her a little. “Someone needed to pick up your very, specific and particular order.”

He can hear her heart rate jump unexpectedly again as color rushes to her cheeks. Knowing, beyond a doubt that Foggy had said something of her tastes. He always did find her compulsion for routine amusing, if not a little worrying at times. If it was coming from anyone else she might have felt hurt, offended even. Scoffed in their face and told them to scram, she’d rather go hungry. But she couldn’t, not to Franklin and by extension his friend. Not when she knew there was no malice, just humor. Like old friends picking at each other- trying to lighten her mood and her more than obvious discomfort at the sudden change in her lunch plans. If there was anything she was, she liked to at least consider herself decent at social awareness. Even if she tended to be a little dramatic at times. So instead, she took the teasing with an open heart and grinned, laughing even. Stepping closer to him as a moment passed and her inner monologue seemed to cause an epiphany. Curiosity sank in its claws; realizing who exactly she was conversing with.

“Ah!” She snorted, finally close enough to take her food from his raised fist. The crinkling of the bag as her hand brushed against his. Making him jump a little at how cold she was, hands of ice with what he could only assume was connected to a very warm heart. “So you're his partner-in-law, I was wondering when you’d wiggle your way here." She gives him a look over before moving past him to a small office kitchen attached to the morgue, far enough away it wasn’t a health hazard. The smell of pomegranates and that old coffee made him take a deep breath, turning to follow her.

She set down her food unceremoniously on the rickety discount table, the blue resin top scuffed and stained from years of occupants. Humming at the smell of spices and chicken, she threw a glance over her shoulder to catch his slow creeping approach. Seeing nothing but a confused puppy trying to navigate a new house. The warmer fluorescent lights of the breakroom seemed to cast softened shadows down his face, bouncing through his finger-brushed hair. The first words in her head spilling out before she could stop them. Coming out with all the confidence in the world before they had the chance to go through that liiiittle mental filter everyone was supposed to use. "He was right, you are pretty."

It was Matt’s turn to blush, taken aback for a moment; for several reasons. One, the compliment, for him, came out of nowhere. Not entirely unappreciated, is smugly accepted even. Inflating his ego a bit. Two, this made his promise to Foggy a little harder. Foggy hadn’t been exaggerating the fact that this friend had a brass, awkward but charming personality it seemed. Turbulent in regulation, like a kitten falling out of bed kind of way, flipping between overly skeptical and anxious to loose-lipped with unfiltered compliments. She was awkward, and out of her element, but her approach was endearing. Sweet in its own clumsy way.

And three, the most rather obvious one; Foggy had called him pretty? That ol’ dog. He’d have to remind himself later to bring it up when they had a moment. Real answers could wait, right now this was all far too intriguing not to ride on the coat tales of. Grinning, he laughed at the proclamation, blowing air out his nose as he raised an eyebrow in amusement. “He called me pretty? If I had only known, I would have proposed sooner.” Matt grasped his cane firmly with both hands, planting in front and center of him. Receiving what could only be described as a chortle from the tech.

“Well, you two deserve each other. Bribing a state worker, who taught you two such questionable morals," She tutted in faux disappointment. Practically calling him a kettle, as the documents he would be expecting sat in her purse in the office next to them. If anyone had questionable morals it was the women sneaking confidential information for their boss’s trust fund, business clients. All her ‘big corporations must die’ beliefs going down the drain as soon as her college buddy pops up with tacos from some obscure restaurant she loved. Pushing passed the self-critization, she started to rip open the plastic bag and look through the boxes of steaming food.

“I don’t think my morals are that questionable,” Her pursed his lips mockingly, causing her to roll her eyes and blow air out through her nose again.

“If I had questionable mortals, I wouldn’t acknowledge it either,” She admired the golden dumplings before shoving one whole into her mouth and looking through the rest of the food. Finding the juices and meat inside better than anything else at this moment. It had been a couple of days, maybe a week, since she had had good and proper food; so maybe it was her neglected pallet talking. “(Mmmm, So good.)”

Catching himself, admiring her sounds a little too much, Matt switches thoughts. Remembering the paper Foggy shoved into his shirt. Fishing it out while drawing her attention again with a cough, clearing his throat. He dares to step closer, edging into the kitchen little by little. She heard her mumble something to acknowledge him as she chewed her big mouth of food. “Mmnnhh?”

“Foggy said he was asked to look into the legality? of a few things for your boss?” He handed her the paper, taking the opportunity to get closer. Stopping when he was in the area of the table, the strong scent of her perfume and the food hitting him where it hurt. Reminding him he hadn’t eaten lunch, his stomach happy to voice its abuse to him and his surroundings. The sweet smell of pomegranates and cherries, and what he could mistake as mint, not helping the saliva accumulating on the back of his throat.

It was sweet and musky.

Hearing his stomach, she scrunched her nose. Holding in a laugh she looked up from the quickly jotted legal jarb to give him the once over. Looking at him through the curtaining of her fringe, a gaiety squint of her eyes as she saw him shift slightly. He was aware she had noticed his stomach’s dramatized famine. “Well… “She started awkwardly, swallowing her bite before she had fully finished it. “...This food isn't going to eat itself.”

“Smooth,” He huffed at her, switching his cane from hand to hand.

“I am anything if not smooth,” she waved her hands like she was showing off a painting, bowing her head. She made herself laugh again as she pulled out her chair, pulling the other out for him by leg with her foot. “Sit, you may not be my usual company but you’ll do.”

Matt gave a light-hearted gasp, sending an all-to-chipper smirk her way. Folding up his cane and stowing it in his jacket, he reached for the back of the chair- guiding himself to sit. She wasted no time in planting herself on her own, rubbing her hands like a fly eager for its feast. Rummaging through the remains of the shredded bag for the chopsticks. Tapping them on the table to open them, made it easier for Matt when she handed them over.

His fingers brushed hers again, this time intentionally. Making her heart flutter and bounce against her rib cage. She was swift, pulling her hand away and grabbing for her own utensil to eat. Tapping it on the table again to rip away the plastic. Cheeks burning as Matt took in her reaction, cracking his sticks apart. He smoothed his hand across the table till he found an unopened box of dumplings and noodles, pulling it towards himself.

Now that he was sitting down with her, in a moment of silence, he thought back on his momentary conversations about her with Foggy. He had talked about how proper she was to people, overly so. Awkward and put off by normal social interactions, so much so that she puts up a vague and distant front. Living a very private life, with a very tight schedule. One of a hundred excuses made by Foggy as to why Matt was never introduced. Why Foggy kept his friendship with her so secluded.

Sitting here with her now, listening to her talk. He didn’t see any of that. Figuratively speaking of course.

She stuffed her face with food in an attempt to distract herself from him, slurping her noodles and shoving a whole dumpling in her mouth with no shame. She didn’t seem to care about manners as she all but demolished her mountain of food. The stereotype of an overworked student resident is all but perpetuated. Too tired to care about her anxiety, too nice to turn him away. Going far enough as to invite him to eat, given it was Foggy’s portion it would have become leftovers or gone to waste anyway.

He was only left with his questions as he ate his food, a silence settling between them. Only the crunch of food being shared.

Matt had been kept blatantly in the dark about this woman since he caught Foggy on the phone with her back during their first year at L&M. One of their first cases and they were collecting information, simply helping facilitate a deal between two companies. Foggy claimed to know someone vaguely connected to business, apparently, they took courses in college and knew the son of the owner through them. Asked her to talk to the son and convince his dad to ease up on his conditions, and take the next deal that was proposed. Two days and a meeting later, a deal was signed. The man had mentioned that his son was the one to persuade him as he was shaking his new partner's hands.

When he asked Foggy about it later that day, he kept it vague. When pressed even more as Matt followed him through the halls, pestering him with theories and ridiculous questions, Foggy just said they wouldn’t like him. With such a response Matt was, understandably, caught off guard, but relented when he sensed how serious his friend was. However, he would be lying if he said that Foggy’s comment wasn’t the start of a perpetual cycle of agonizing curiosity. His brain itched with questions that started to pile higher and higher the longer Foggy disappeared during lunch or after work for his secret rendezvous, ones that always ended in Foggy having some sort of new edge. Any time Matt tried questioning it, no matter how innocent the question was, he was met with the same answers. ‘They wouldn’t like you’, ‘They’re too busy to entertain both of us’, “They’re very private’, or simply ‘They’re not a people person’.

It wasn’t till a couple of months ago, did Foggy started to become a bit more lenient about what he said. Letting it slip they worked at the hospital nearby. Sometimes it was just a tossed-in comment that his friend insisted on having authentic Italian pasta with a mountain of parmesan cheese to rival Everest- for just a missing patient record for the case they were building. Sometimes it was more personal, letting it slip that they crashed at his place after Foggy had joined them in attending a fundraiser party for said friend's hospital- in exchange for sneaking him into a person’s room to serve them or get papers signed.

For months, he lived off small tidbits of information. Slowly forming a picture in his mind of who might have been helping Foggy. Someone who had known him for almost as long as Matt had. He was never able to pry out specifics, Foggy kept all that good stuff to himself. Where in the hospital they worked, how they met even remained a mystery. The simplest of stuff like did they go to the same college as them or if they were a man or woman was impossible.

He was given no clues on how to find them because Foggy, or as he constantly blamed- they, never wanted it…but today had been Matt's lucky day. After so long, Franklin had finally relented. Matt had left L&M’s with a pep in his step. Going over a list of questions he had accumulated over this whole period. However, now with his opportunity to have every one of them answered, he drew a blank on what to start with.

Indecisive. Matt had so many questions ricocheting through his head, all jumbled up like scrabble.

‘How did she meet Foggy?

Why did they never meet in college?

Why did she first start taking bribes? Why continue?

Had she been from New York her whole life like them?’

And of course, the newest as of this afternoon: ‘Why work in the morgue of all places?’

A healthy curiosity.

He had a long time to prepare his questions, with as much as he bugged Foggy some days he should have had them ready to go, but all of them died on the tip of his tongue. So, he was lucky when his new lunch buddy was the one to break their silence. Matt was so lost in his own head he hadn’t noticed how tense it had gotten in the moments passed.

“I am very aware Franklin made excuses on my behalf," She said through a half mouth of food, speaking through her cheek. "He asked on many occasions to introduce us. I always, adamantly, said no.”

That made Matt pause, lowering his chopsticks back into the box. “So he wasn’t lying when he said you weren’t a people person?” He smiled at her, turning his head slightly in her direction. “Or is it you just wouldn’t like me?” He teased, sensing her coil when he called her out and trying to lighten the mood.

It seemed to work.

“No,” She rushed to breathe out, after swallowing her bite, with a shake of her head. “Well, I mean, Uh-” She blushed as she started to stumble over her words. Tripping up over her own tongue. “I mean, yes to not being a people person. No to not liking you.”

“So you like me?” The way he said it, the suggestive undertone coating the bottom of his words. It had her shifting in her seat and clearing her throat, hiding for a second in the bottom of a cold coffee cup she had taken the liberty to sip off of during their meal.

“Well, that is... That is to be determined.” She shot back after a moment. Setting down her cup in favor of twirling her chopsticks in her noodles.

“Oh?” He didn’t mean to lean closer, but he found himself doing so. Still staying aware of her obvious personal bubble. “Almost sounds like a challenge,” He braced his arms on the table slightly, chair scooting against the ceramic floors.

She laughed, it was joyful and bemused. It had her setting down her chopsticks fully, leaning back in her chair to look at him. Arm over the back as she held on to her wrist with her other hand. “I suppose it would, to you.”

“To me?”

“Oh yes- you might not know me, but I do know of Foggy’s college roommate turned office colleague,” She shrugged her shoulders, licking her lips nervously as she glanced around the room, squinting at the incessantly flickering buzz of the fluorescent lights that seemed to fill her head with cotton “Though maybe not as much as I thought, now that we're sitting face to face.”

“We are? Jeez, I thought we were face to back,” His joke earned him a heavy scowl, one he could feel across his face. Tapping his chopsticks against the rim of the heavy, cardboard takeout box, he listened to her puff out air at him. Suppressing a laugh, not knowing if she was allowed to or not.”Really shows a guy, huh?”

“Wow, blind jokes already. Have to say, I’m honored our friendship is moving so fast,” She huffed at him again, tone dry but not humorless as she turned back to the food. Deeming it far more worthy of her attention.

“Friendship, you’ll make Foggy jealous.” Matt jabbed lightly.

“He’ll live,” She stuffed her face again, chewing a bit faster this time. Something obviously catching her train of thought. “However…”

Matt raised a brow, stabbing a dumpling in favor of actually picking up the food properly this time.

“Friends usually know each other's names,” She pushed around the scraps in her box, sneaking a glance at him. “A tidbit I assume Percy failed to mention on either of our parts.”

“Well,” Matt turned his chair with a scrap. “That’s easily fixed,” He raised his hand, offering it for her to shake. Finally able to introduce himself. “Matthew Murdock.”

He felt her smile before anything else. Oddly warming his skin like he had just stepped out into the morning sun after a shady night. Then came her hand. Softer than he thought it would be, just as cold as before, slightly dried out from the hand sanitizer. Small compared to his but still shaking his firmly, experienced one would say. Her voice was last. Smooth and ivory.

“Amilia Boteo, just call me Lia.”

-----------------------------------------------------------

Chapter one is done baby. The next chapter is to come in the next two weeks. My editor (love you bestie) refuses to beta for Matt Murdock so it's gonna take a minute.

Tag list of cringe: @xxjuviajawbreakerxx

#matt murdock fanfic #matt murdock #daredevil fanfiction #daredevil #fanfic #oc x canon #fanfiction #foggy nelson #slowburns #slow burn #chapter 1 #oc #strap in folks this shits gonna get DARK

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shady-swan-jones · 6 months ago

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✨Shady’ Lore Dump✨

Thanks for the tag @pursuitseternal

Do you make your bed? Depends on my will to live that morning.

Favorite Number? 7,7

What’s your job? Being a damn fool. And getting a master's in Neuroscience

If you could go back to school, would you? Hell no, I can't go back to a time I was even more stupid and didn't know how to dress. But I'd go back to university in a heartbeat, study something interesting and obscure.

Can you parallel park? Yeah, isn't it on the driving test?

Do you think aliens are real? Did an american write this?

Can you drive a manual car? You mean, a car? Yes. Though I'm rusty cause I have a motorcycle.

What’s your guilty pleasure? Shoplifting. And it doesn't bring guilt when it's from a multi-million corporation. What did you expect me to say, chocolate?

Tattoos? No, I don't want my body to be recognised after they fish it out of the river. Let them work it out.

Favorite color? That violet hue they have in Bridgerton and forest green. And the color of the cheese you put on Doritos.

Favorite types of music? Latin alternative rock (Los Mesoneros etc), whatever kind of metal Rammstein and Slipknot are, and the musical equivalent of Sofia Coppola's movies, which is Marina and the Diamonds, Florence. Oh! And Tarantino sountracks, man can do feet and songs!

Do you like puzzles? Give me puzzles and take my soul. My brain needs them like fuel.

Any phobias? Being trapped in the wrong life. Debt. Cold.

Favorite Childhood Sport? Ballet. I don't know how ten years ago I could spin on pointe in front of thousands of people and not break a sweat and now I wake up and I'm tired.

Do you talk to yourself? All the time. My brain hosts the world's most boring podcast, sponsored by Doritos.

Tagging if you wanna: @klynnvakarian @iamstartraveller776 @swedishwarriorwoman @helenvader @theriverwild @trinuviel @arrow89

#i didn't mean to be salty but i'm not rewriting this either #have fun!#answered

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liminalpebble · 2 years ago

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The Refugee: Chapter 15

Masterlist Link

The next day Magnus and Lenora sat on a parapet along the rocky coast. Loki was feeling particularly generous today after their night together, so when she said she needed to be allowed out of the keep to take a walk and clear her head he gladly let her, provided Magnus came with her. Magnus for his part was grateful for this too, anxious to know how she was after her strange evening. They layered themselves in thick clothes against the cold, although the icy bite of winter was slowly subsiding, into a gray, foggy, dampness that might have passed for early spring. They sat together in the intermittent fog, catching sight of the seascape in fleeting moments.

“I'd almost forgotten the outside world really existed after all this time in the citadel. The view from the windows just began to feel like a painting after so long.”

He put his arm around her shoulder. “Well, hopefully he'll let this at least become a more regular occurrence. The training grounds and arboretums aren't a substitute are they? But if he intends to make you his queen as he says you'll be able to travel to dozens of realms, learn all sorts of things. You might even be able to steer this great ship of an empire to actual benevolence instead of...well...instead of whatever the hell it is now.”

She shook her head, conflicted and exhausted. “I can't think about that right now, Magnus. I can't wrap my head around any of this.”

“I'm sorry. That was a tactless attempt to cheer you up with overbearing optimism.” She snickered at that. There was a heavy pause.

“How are you feeling after...well...everything yesterday. Are you in pain?”

She smiled. He was always an eager giver, a selfless healer, a physician to the core. “Yes. I'm in some pain, but the normal kind of pain a woman expects after...” she looked down. “But he didn't do anything really violent. Not like that first day on the ship. He managed not to be a sadist or selfish. He was actually very kind, so at least there's that. I worry about how it will be once he gets more comfortable though.”

“Was it terrible?”

“Not all of it. Not most of it, if I'm being honest. I almost wish it had been terrible so I could be less confused. I feel...guilty...Magnus. I enjoyed it. I gave in.”

“Lea, look at me. Whatever pleasure or happiness you can get from this bizarre situation, you should. I would much prefer that to the suffering he can inflict. And just because you felt pleasure, that doesn't mean you consented.”

“But I did, Magnus, eventually I did...enthusiastically. And...I'm so confused.” He hugged her shoulders a little tighter.

“Hey..hey...it's alright! Whatever you did is fine. You don't owe me or anyone an explanation. He loves to make people uncertain...to muddy the water. Whatever is happening within you, whatever you feel about it or him, is okay.” He held her hand tightly, waiting for the lost words in her throat to make their way out. After a moment, they did.

“It's just that...it was a gift I wanted to give to you, Magnus. I wanted you to be the first, but maybe you wouldn't have wanted that with me. I don't know, but I wish I had the option to choose for myself. Yet again, I was a coward, letting someone more powerful than me steer the important decisions of my life.”

He hugged her tightly, the bright forest of his eyes dewy with tears.

“Of course I would have wanted it! I would have been honored. It's not like I haven't thought about it or you that way. I'm not a god among men or a king but I do love you Lea, far beyond just wanting you.”

“I love you too, Magnus,” she said screwing her eyes shut as the wind of the sea and a cold sadness whipped at her face. “I love you beyond lust, or family, or friendship. I love you in a way that I cannot fully express.”

“Thank you, Lea. I know what you mean and I feel the same.”

“I'm sorry we never got to know what it could have been.”

“So am I, Lea. But don't be sorry. It's not your fault. I'm still here, and I still love you and I'm honored to know you love me.” He came out of the hug to tug her heavy shawl a little tighter around her and run his hands over her shoulders. He was still crying, mourning all their lost possibilities. He sniffed and laughed, “I've always cried too much, but I haven't seen you cry once. I'm such a baby.”

She gave a weak sad smile. “Most people cry more than I do, Magnus. I wish I could do it more...cry, scream...anything. Sometimes I'm jealous of how Loki can just rage. I wonder what it's like. Instead I just tend to disappear.”

“You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, or can't but...Do you love him?”

She sighed, “I don't know, Magnus. I know I hate him, but there's a part of me that can't help but care about him. Part of my heart breaks for his emptiness and loneliness...relates to it. It's tragic because there's so much good in him, intelligence too, but everything he touches twists or withers or suffers or suffocates. The beautiful parts of him are so beautiful and the ugly parts are so so ugly.”

Magnus looked at her, just realizing something very important. “Funny. I could have said exactly the same thing about the way I love him...and hate him.”

---

As soon as they walked back over the drawbridge and through the enormous black granite entrance, Loki was there smiling to meet Lea, a gleeful ball of chaos contrasting his somber and imposing black keep. He ran towards her picking her up and spinning her around in his arms, like a lovesick boy, then set her down gently with a swift hard kiss and a big smile.

“Darling, did you enjoy the fresh air?”

She laughed a little under her breath in sheer shock at his openly affectionate behavior.

“What's the matter?”

“Well, doesn't this kind of behavior undermine your authority in front of others?”

He said, low and purring, “ Must you always be so sensible? I couldn't give less of a damn. Besides, I'm still terrifying when I'm enamored, perhaps more so” he said with a wink.

She glanced with a weak smile to Magnus, who looked as if he'd just come from a funeral to discover his house on fire, but he was no longer crying at least. She felt her stomach drop, seeing him so shattered. Loki still had one arm tight against her waist, too manic with joy to notice his best friend's plight. “Ouch! Loki, that hurts,” Lea said.

“Oh, I'm terribly sorry,” he said a bit sheepishly, releasing her. “Come with me! I have a surprise for you.” He walked with her down the hall rambling on about the book he was reading and the ideas he had. It wasn't a boring ramble. Loki was many things, but never boring. “Wait, where are we going?” he said suddenly. She had to laugh. It was a bit funny to see the king buzzing around her like a happy golden retriever.

“I'm going to hang my coat up in my quarters.”

“Oh nevermind that, I can do it for you,” he said waving a green glow around her so her coat dissolved, hopefully back to her quarters and not some void in space and time. He looked surprised to see that she was wearing her uniform underneath. “Why on earth are you in uniform?”

“Because I was planning to go work with the department. We're working on the Heksejotun problem and it's really difficult. I'd like to...”

“No no no. Not today, darling! You'll see,” he grabbed her hand, pulling her along.

She was both charmed and uncomfortable with how he was enthusiastically leading her. She would have liked to decide for herself today. She wanted some peace, some normalcy, but Loki was not known for either of those things. They came to a beautiful parlor and as soon as they passed the door frame, Lea's eyes lit up. Before her was a familiar form of tall buxom curves and perfectly styled golden curls. Her luxurious peach-pink dress fanned out as she stood up and rushed toward Lea, holding her firmly in her arms.

“Miss Beatrice!” She gasped in shock. “I was so worried. You never wrote back.I never heard from you!”

Bea was beaming at her former charge with pride, “My god, look at you Lea, my love. How official and scholarly you look, in that uniform, holding your head so high! I would hardly know my little barmaid.”

“Bea, I never heard from you,” she repeated. “Did you get my message from Lo...His Majesty...all those months ago?”

Bea and Loki shared a chilly gaze until Loki broke the silence. “I sent her your message, Lea, but I told her not to write back. I didn't want it to interfere with your adjustment.”

She wanted to slap him. So she decided instead to ignore him, which would hurt him even more. She turned again to Beatrice. “I told everyone that you were just fine, and employed by the empire now. The girls, the regulars, hell, the whole town was thrilled that you were alive and well. Everyone misses the dancing girl of the tavern and the bookworm barmaid.”

She laughed shyly, “I had no idea I was such a celebrity.”

“You really were! And especially after you saved Noa from...well...from this røvhul. You were practically our patron saint!”

Lea looked incredibly uncomfortable at this praise. “Can we please change the subject? Have you trained up anyone for my job yet?”

“Yeah! Wee Rosie from the brothel. She's good...not as quick with the numbers as you were but she's learning.” Lea couldn't help but smile at this. She missed her sisters, her old home.

“That reminds me, Lea! Noa and his family send these, with their undying gratitude.”

Bea carefully handed her a colorful bag, decorated in the intricate geometric Morhari designs. Inside were several polished nuggets of the same blackish-purple ore of her necklace and earrings. Lea gasped, “Bea, I can't accept this."

Bea put her hand over Lea's holding it tightly, “You can. They want you to.”

“Thank you” Lea said quietly. “I don't know what else to say. And thank you for sailing all this way. These gifts...your presence...I don't deserve these.”

Loki interjected, saying with crisp theatricality, “You know, Bea, even this majestic royal røvhul has trouble getting her to accept gifts.”

Bea looked him up and down, annoyed with his interference in their moment. “You know I've never seen you out of your disguised form, Your Worship. Frankly, I like you better blond and a bit sun-kissed, less pale and weaselly. Pain in the ass, isn't he? And I've had to deal with him for centuries. At least when he conquered our village this time the governors are good, not those horrible men from the other cities.”

Lea looked with surprise to Loki. “You kept your word?”

“Do you really think so little of me? Of course I did. I couldn't have those barbarians destroying my empire's reputation.”

Bea looked at him knowingly, her wise gray eyes stripping through his pretense. “What has gotten into you?”

Loki avoided the real answer. “It's more of a 'what I've gotten into' situation, and apparently the answer is 'a gigantic undertaking of cleaning house for an entire empire'.”

“I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think you two might just be changing each other for the better.”

Loki beamed. Lea smiled uncertainly.

---

Lea spent the day with Beatrice, and felt her heart break a bit as she saw the gorgeous statuesque women off that evening from the pier. She hugged her tightly and had trouble letting go.

“Take care of yourself and your girls, Bea. Give them all my love.”

“I will, dear. I promise.”

Loki came forward to kiss her hand and see her off properly. As he rose again she gripped his hand hard so that her long nails dug into his white skin. “Listen to me, Loki. You made me break a promise to that girl that she would never have to run away again. I can forgive you for that, but if you don't treat her properly and give her every single good thing she deserves, god-king or not, I will relieve you of your dagger...and I don't mean the one in your weapons cabinet.”

“I'll do better than that, Beatrice. I'm going to make her my queen.”

“Good. She'll be one of the great ones. ”

“And Beatrice....”

“Yes?”

“If you fulfill your threat, you'll need a bigger scabbard,” he said with a wink and a lazy turn.

“What was that all about?” Lea asked as Loki walked back her way, looking at the indentations of Bea's nails in his palm.

“That was your former boss being very protective of you.”

Lea only smiled, and ran her fingers over his skin in a soothing gesture. He pulled her close.

“Will you come to my chambers again this evening?” He whispered in her ear, honey-sweetly.

“I...I still hurt, Loki.”

“Ah...right. Sorry darling. Of course you need rest. We could at least dine together, have some wine on the ballroom balcony and look at the stars.”

“It's freezing, Loki.”

“Yes, and I'm a sorcerer. I can fix that.”

“Loki. I know you're excited about all of this, but everything is spinning for me. It's only been half a year and everything has changed so drastically and abruptly for me. I just need some time and peace. I need to have some solitude and do my work and...” she trailed off unable to find the words. She was afraid he'd be angry, like a child asked to put his new toy away for awhile, but he wasn't. He lifted her face in his hands, to meet his eyes.

“I understand. I know I'm...chaos. You must be exhausted.” He stroked her hair out of her face as the wind tossed it. “Whatever you need, whatever you want, I will see that it's yours.”

Aside from my freedom. She thought to herself.

“Time, Loki, time and peace. That's what I need for now.” He nodded and kissed her gently.

*a/n: røvhul means asshole in Danish.

@gigglingtigger, @peaches1958 , @lokisgoodgirl , @goblingirlsarah , @sweetsigyn ,Thank you so much for following this story. I hope you still enjoy it. 💛💚💛

#loki fanfic

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m1mk1d · 11 months ago

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warning !!! this is a vent, please scroll past if you're uncomfortable with it.

cw: mentions of sexualizations, gore, blood, suicide and s/h and similar stuff.

Okay so, this has been on my mind a lot.

Recently I had this friend, I trusted him a lot to the point we would hug or kiss platonically, usually that's very nice like "awww u have a best friend now" but no.

Somewhere during vacations I went to his house to hang out, play videogames stuff like that, but after a while he said " wanna see a video of two people being decapitated? " I said yes because I didn't think he was being serious and it wasn't until he said " It has gore, is that okay?".

That might've seen like a nice gesture protecting his friends from possibly being traumatized from it, but later that same month I was being my normal self, talking about Burt and all that shit and I said " I would do anything for Burt, except watch gore" I was expecting just a silly response since it was a joke, but I was met with the same exact video and the caption " If you really loved him you'd watch gore."

I was obviously freaked out because if you know me, I'm EXTREMELY sensitive to even mentions of blood let alone real life gore, I was asking in the nicest way " hey, can you stop? it makes me uncomfortable." but guess what, he didn't!!!!!! he kept sending the video to me to the point where i was literally shaking and even crying. All because " it was cute how I go so scared"

This led up to not being able to watch videos people sent to me out of fear, and ANY chainsaw noises or screams would trigger me.

He would also grab and squeeze my thighs, which at that time I consented to so I didn't mind, because it was a JOKE like "haha squishy thighs :3" until he actually started sexualizing it, and I got uncomfortable. I tried telling him this but he just started begging for me to let him so I did. He would squeeze my stomach, same thing happened.

At some point, he got fed up I didn't wanna give him the pleasure he wanting because I was uncomfortable with it and looked for more people go help him.

He started using my emotions as a way to take advantage of me claiming "If u weren't my friend I'd kms" and saying that every fucking day no matter what the circumstances. We were just in English class like normal ? he'd say he wants to die. Taking it as far as sending pictures of blood from his sh or claiming he had a rope ready.

Hell he triggered my trauma response a LOT of times because seeing him with someone else immediately made me think he was gonna replace me, because he would if he could. But when I called him out on his bullshit he went " I've always comforted you, I always cared for you"

I admit, I also had fault in this, because I was also struggling with suicidal thoughts I'd say "I wanna die too !!!!" but I fucked up on that part and also saying I'd replace him, when he was also scared of that. but I APOLOGIZED for all of that, he made fun of me because I got triggered by gore with his friends, he would show me full on hentai just because it was "hot " and obviously didn't give a fuck about me and my interests.

It was all planned. He confirmed it to me.

This affected me so fucking much, he stopped talking to me during October when they changed me to another classroom. Just like that I lived through my past traumatic experience yet again, I was left with tons of suicidal thoughts and was generally in the worst mindset, I couldn't even talk to my friends about it because the only one I trusted was his new comfort person and I still feel guilty because a lot of it was my fault. I can't fucking look at my thighs the same way.

And all because he wanted the comfort he never fucking got.

(sorry if its incoherent)

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waterforlorn · 1 year ago

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— day one. october 7th. 11:36 am.

i'm starting a new journal for this, cause .. well, i don't know how long nico's planning to get away from camp yet. he's being stupid about it. figured i didn't wanna run out in case he found out about my birthday and intends to keep me out for like half the month. sounds like something he'd do.

didn't expect to wake to packed suitcases ...ever. then again i also never expected to live with someone i care about, so there went that. i'm not sure if i'm gonna continue this for all of our travels, but i'll try. i know it's good for me to write. i know. but we might be too tired or too busy, so i'm not going to punish myself for skipping a day.

i think.

anyway, we've been on the road for two hours now and nico still refuses to tell me where we're going. he has been ... quiet for most of the day since i woke. geez, i thought he was going back home to his stupid cabin because of something i said. or did. yeah, that. i'm not the chatty part of this relationship. still can't believe that's something i write about. or be in. let's be real, i didn't want any of this. but now that i got it? fuck, no idea what i' doing when he leaves. don't think i can go back to how things were... not really.

good thing we decided that we'd go our paths together, cause ain't no way in hell i'm gonna keep all this shit up if he was to die. ugh, this is not what i'm supposed to write about.

alright here goes.. my day, my emotions, my thoughts.

i'm looking forward to whatever this excursion's about.

i'm excited getting to spend my days solemnly with him for a while, nobody pushing between us, nobody keeping us apart, nobody demanding attention when he should be paying attention to me. i know what that sounds like. IT'S NICO'S FAULT.

i can't wait to see where we're going. i've seen all kinds of places, but never for pleasure, so getting to explore ..wherever. yeah, that's gonna be nice. i kinda hate how good he's at all this when i'm barely hanging on. nico's fucking relationship-coded. like some disney prince, it pisses me off some days.

shit, yeah. thoughts. emotions. my day.

i think this will be good for us. the past few months were quite intense for both of us and i know that nico's feeling guilty because of blaze. i ... do too. nobody in camp took it upon themselves to help them either and ... well, safe to say we won't see them again. will we? part of me regrets not going, but .. i don't regret having found someone i'm willing to put FIRST. especially because he puts ME first, too. never thought i'd want that. or find it. or ...wanna find it.

i don't regret that.

I DESERVE THAT.

i deserve to be loved.

nico said we're going to be driving for a few days. i'm okay with that. kinda. i'll have NO schedule, but i'll make up for it. i'll find a way. i'm still not really back to where i was when i came to camp, so maybe getting away is good for more than on reason.

he's getting snacks for the night right now, so i'm just gonna finish this up. we've driven for like most of the day and i'm quite tired.

no more thoughts for today, i think. emotions haven't changed, although i do feel a little calmer by now, which is probably also nico's fault. whenever he smiles at me i know the world's gonna okay.

eh, anyway. more tomorrow i guess. we'll get up early to drive as long as we can.

#lev x nico #* . ⊹ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴀsᴛ ʜᴀᴜɴᴛs ᴜs ᴀʟʟ › ❨ headcanon. ❩#lev writes journal every day #so he would try even on vacation #vacation journal things

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skinzchoerim · 2 years ago

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instinct pt.1 and instinct pt.2 stOryline analysis

I've spent a lot of time in the past year thinking about these two albums. I found it curious that the first three songs mention women, skinz says gender doesn't matter and the rest of the songs are gender neutral while the MVs are gay. Since today is instinct pt.2's first anniversary and it's an album that changed my life, here's the story I've come up with (based purely on the lyrics and descriptions, not the MVs).

We can safely assume that the bOy wearing cOmme des garçOns, our main character in this series, is meant to be bisexual. From what I've gathered, it's common for bisexual people to realise their attraction to the opposite gender first (since it's already expected and easier to explore) and get the full picture of their sexuality later. libidO is about exploration and experimentation, and I always thought the line "girl, I just wanna know" was referring to exactly that - experimenting and starting with the "safer" option first, but still being aware of your blooming queerness in the back of your mind, accepting and understanding your libido as a whole through this first experience.

Next is yOu can tOuch it if yOu can't feel it. In libidO, he wasn’t acting on his desires yet, it was all an internal monologue about things he feels and wishes to take further. The longer he didn’t act on it, the stronger and more uncontrollable it became. After accepting his libido as an internal thing, in instinct he explores it further, no longer questioning and thinking, but acting on it with another person. I really like the line "Why the hell were you drawn to my wandering?" because it highlights that this is just the beginning of his journey of self discovery. He found someone he's attracted to and he doesn't question that, but he's also aware in the back of his mind that it's not the end, he's still lost and has more questions than answers. For now, though, he chooses to focus on this moment and this person.

Another line I find interesting is "I don't want your love tonight because it hurts." A lot of OOO's pre-instinct era songs' messages give me the impression that in order to have a full, satisfying, healthy relationship, the subject needs to grow up, understand and accept himself. Even in relationships with women, he can't just suppress and not think about his queerness, because in the long run, it'll become poison to the relationship. It's a vital part of his nature and not exploring it at all is doing himself injustice and stopping his growth as a person. I'm not here to say whether this is true or not, but it makes sense to me with some of their songs.

Moving onto byredO - since it's his first relationship and "the emotion of love of the boy, who is yet to become a grown-up, is quite impulsive and fickle", it turns unhealthy and obsessive. The interesting this is, hOly week is the previous track, not the next like one might expect. It's because he's been slowly turning away from god and he turns his worship elsewhere, letting his desires consume him. He doesn’t see his lover for the person she is, only focusing on the physical aspect of their relationship and putting it above anything else, her scent his new god.

tear Of gOd is repentance for following his impulses. He feels the promised paradise slipping away as he realises he can no longer reach it, both because of how he acted in the relationship and because of the constant awareness of his attraction to men. He begs for forgiveness and tries to feel closer to god again, but it's not the same anymore. His indulgence in pleasure already put distance between his faith and himself, and going back just causes him to feel more guilty, so he takes a different approach.

I called it yOu but it was actually me is a curious phrase that's been torturing me since I first saw it. The description says:

Confession is a word with both a religious and secular meaning, and the “low-lying voice” always makes me imagine him on his knees in a church. However, the phrase itself is very "call me by your name"-esque, which relates to the idea of being two halves of a whole, seeing yourself reflected in another person and seeing them in yourself. It's not physical, but emotional and intellectual. So, perhaps, after confessing his sins and not getting a response, he comes to the conclusion that people are closer to him than god. He used to believe he was created in god's image, but “i called it you but it was actually me” indicates a realization of inherent connection between god’s creations, people finding their reflections in each other instead. The boy stops seeing other people as separate from himself and starts looking into their shared humanity, hence, under the_ comes next.

"Emotion beneath innate nature" suggests more focus on the inner feelings, letting go of the fear that love will hurt and opening up to an emotional connection. For all that I know, instinct pt.2 makes no mention of the boy, but it's safe to assume he's still our POV character. In this album, I'll refer to his lover as "he", because although all the songs are gender neutral and the idea of the album is that gender doesn't matter, there's an implied "maleness" in suit dance and gaslighting (with Nine and Kyubin's lines responding to each other) and it makes sense within the larger narrative.

The songs on instinct pt.2 all correspond with a song on pt.1. skinz, like libidO, is an internal monologue of acceptance. He understands that gender doesn't matter to him and he should stop looking only skin-deep. He now knows that in order for a relationship to work, he needs to look beneath the physical and see the person inside. It's desperate and slightly aggressive because he's still young and impulsive, and there's this whole new side of him he's been suppressing that's just waiting to get out.

I haven’t read the book this title comes from, but from what I’ve seen other lyOns say, la nausee relates to the idea of individual choices and how they create a person. The description shows that there's someone new in his life that he’s beginning to have feelings for.

suit dance is, in a way, encouraging someone to come to the same conclusions he did. It focuses on physical aspects and wanting the other to act on his instincts, but there's also an element of helping him find identity and freedom in it (“time to cut loose yourself”, "focus a bit more on yourself"). It explores similar ideas as instinct, following someone with his eyes and wanting to be close to them so they can both act on their desires.

Now, the line "What do your eyes in the mirror want?" makes me think of “I called it you but it was actually me”. I'm a bit confused by who is who exactly in this song, it might be a translation issue, but it's hard to tell apart the "me" and "you" sometimes. They seem to blend together and I think it's part of the idea. They're both wearing suits and admiring themselves in the mirror, but also see a reflection of themselves when looking at each other.

gaslighting, just like byredO, is deeply toxic as he gets addicted to his lover and wants to be controlled. In a way, it's kind of religious as it shows a deep and unhealthy devotion one should not have towards another human being as it also reduces their humanity. He still feels the need to put someone on the pedestal, which, although not from the boy's story, goes back to angel. Growing up religious made him feel that there needs to be someone above him, someone more holy than him he can answer to, and once he steps away from religion, he fills the god-shaped hole (sorry, I find that phrase hilarious) with other people.

snapchat honestly baffles me a little, but the description says:

Perhaps the idea is that they're realising the instability of their relationship, that they're continually missing each other and they don't know how to communicate properly. All they have is small moments that become good memories, but even they disappear without a trace.

ultimate bliss is a rejection of all that was influenced by religion in the boy's life. He still dreams of paradise, but this time he wants to build one for himself and his lover. He's ready to let go of the ideas he'd been brought up believing in and there's catharsis in leaving it all behind. He accepts the things he's done wrong and doesn't blame himself for them, doesn't apologise to god anymore.

"Are we being punished, or are we dreaming" confuses me a bit. Dreaming in general is used a lot in OOO's songs, it's a pleasant state and an escape from reality, which, if you indulge in too much, stunts your growth. I think in this case, it means that it's hard to tell whether this love they have is good or bad. He's conflicted because it's both painful and pleasurable, and religious people really like to force black and white thinking. The boy is just beginning to learn that some things are morally neutral, not everything that hurts is punishment, not everything that feels good is a beautiful dream.

"Would you come with me?" means that it's not just him, but his lover as well who has to let go of these things. If we interpret this song and gaslighting as being about the same person, perhaps the lover's religious upbringing also made him feel that he needs to be more controlling. Since their relationship is forbidden, he needed to feel like there's some aspect of it that's up to him in the face of the great unknown and placed himself as the god. As a side note, my grandparents were once reading me something about god filling people with light if they put their trust in him and I was reminded of this line in gaslighting:

If we see it like that, ultimate bliss would then show that there's still hope for the two of them if they get rid of all these messed up ideas and stop feeling like there needs to be a higher power involved in their relationship. Neither of them is god and neither is the follower, they're both Adam and Eve who made their choice to bite the forbidden fruit and leave.

As a sort of epilogue/glue to the next project, there's undergrOund idOl #0 with the description:

It reminds me of the description under be free:

Both of these are about overcoming hardship as long as they can rely on each other. It also reminds me of angel and Mill's line "to me you are faith, sometimes hope", while in skinz he had the line "belief is toxic to me" (and the word used for belief in Korean also refers to belief in god). This just reiterates that they're letting go of the idea that they need to put someone on a pedestal.

And lastly, we have re-bidO. I'm not sure if it means that if he were exploring his sexuality again, he wouldn't make the same mistakes? It's normal to look back on your journey and wish you'd done things differently, but these words imply a lot of regret. Maybe he's not fully content with where he ended up, maybe he's imagining a version of his life which is better, easier. Maybe it shows that his journey isn't over just because the album has ended and he still has a lot of guilt, so he's back to square one - accepting the natural parts of himself. It's a bittersweet ending and that makes it feel more real. The road was rocky and just like at the end there's catharsis, there's also reflection.

#onlyoneof #onlyoneof theory #onlyoneof theories

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augment-techs · 1 year ago

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Smut 1 and 3 lol I'm greedy. Drakkon/Coinless Jason

"I want to hear you beg."

"You look better with my hands around your neck."

"Just remember Jason, no matter what else you think of him, the most important thing is this: he is an addict. Addicts will do just about anything to get what they want. Which makes them easier to manipulate than you'd think... Even if this one is the most powerful being on the planet." What the hell was Jason doing? Before, before, before--he never would have done this when he was still in high school and still normal, despite being a Ranger under Zordon's command and teachings (and in some ways under his thumb, if he was honest with himself in his darker nights in the Tower). But that was something he just had to accept about his situation going forward. What he did in the past was for the betterment of his friends and family and Angel Grove. Now what he did was for his own survival, the protection of a handful of people, and getting a little wiggle room for what was left of humanity that Rita hadn't nuked and Drakkon didn't feel like killing when he lost his temper. Still, this was not what he expected when Drakkon said that even though Jason was his guest, he still had to sing for his supper and had some responsibilities to the Master of the House. "And it's not like I'm expecting something for nothing. You can make some wishes for fulfilling a favor...within limits, of course." "Like what? And how do I know you won't go back on your word once I play your little games?" (Blessings on Adam for making small talk when he delivered food or tailored the clothes that seemed almost pointless for Jason to wear, but he was grateful for regardless. Always a pleasure to realize that the man's conversation brought good ideas, even if he seemed mad at him a lot more often just because Jason couldn't help but try and get away. "The man is dangerous, but my Captain has noted that even powerful people have their little habits; have compulsions. You see my division out in the main courtyard every fourth day? We don't just learn how to fight and carry weapons; we learn actual useful skills." "That make you feel better about working for the devil?" Adam smiled, sardonic and cold and Jason did feel guilty, just a tad, as he bent back over his work, "It's easy to judge someone when you haven't been in their position, Jason. I'm trying to treat you with something like respect; I'd appreciate a little courtesy in re"Just remember Jason, no matter what else you think of him, the most important thing is this: he is an addict. Addicts will do just about anything to get what they want. Which makes them easier to manipulate than you'd think... The most powerful being on the planet is no different from a junkie selling off their mother's jewelry or giving a ten dollar blow job; at least, in this."

What the hell was Jason doing?

Before, before, before--he never would have done this when he was still in high school and still normal, despite being a Ranger under Zordon's command and teachings (and in some ways under his thumb, if he was honest with himself in his darker nights in the Tower).

But that was something he just had to accept about his situation going forward. What he did in the past was for the betterment of his friends and family and Angel Grove.

Now what he did was for his own survival, the protection of a handful of people, and getting a little wiggle room for what was left of humanity that Rita hadn't nuked and Drakkon didn't feel like killing when he lost his temper.

Still, this was not what he expected when Drakkon said that even though Jason was his guest, he still had to sing for his supper and had some responsibilities to the Master of the House.

"And it's not like I'm expecting something for nothing. You can make some wishes for fulfilling a favor...within limits, of course."

"Like what? And how do I know you won't go back on your word once I play your little games?"

(Blessings on Adam for making small talk when he delivered food or tailored the clothes that seemed almost pointless for Jason to wear, but he was grateful for regardless. Always a pleasure to realize that the man's conversation brought good ideas, even if he seemed mad at him a lot more often just because Jason couldn't help but try and get away.

"The man is dangerous, but my Captain has noted that even powerful people have their little habits; have compulsions. You see my division out in the main courtyard every fourth day? We don't just learn how to fight and carry weapons; we learn actual useful skills."

"That make you feel better about working for the devil?"

Adam smiled, sardonic and cold and Jason did feel guilty, just a tad, as he bent back over his work, fingers leaning into stiches that would have cost a fortune for the time and effort alone once upon a time, "It's easy to judge someone when you haven't been in their position, Jason. I'm trying to treat you with something like respect; I'd appreciate a little courtesy in return.")

Drakkon had continued to smile that strange little smile that wasn't exactly like when they were still in high school and he was under a spell of obedience; a little more in the cheek was happening. Like he was grinding a molar instead of biting through his own cheek.

"I have access to magic, Jason. Surely you know that stuff is as binding as it gets."

With one thing and another, with papers and blood for a pair of signatures, and coming to something like understanding, in the weeks, months, years that followed, Jason found something valuable in himself to bring a sense of purpose to his life; even cloistered as he was from his friends who continued to live, and afraid so often for the friend(s) he'd end up making along the way. And in a weird in-between when it came to Kimberly, who was as much a prisoner as he was, though with her real self tucked away and made to watch.

He just wished it didn't have to come through with something as embarrassing as Drakkon needing to be fucked at least once a week by, "Someone who knows what we both need. It really does get tiresome to be in charge of everything, every day, all the time, Jason. How soul suckingly boring everything can get."

Jason almost jumped out of his one window when Drakkon came out from the kitchen and into the den area after the papers had emitted a light green and red glow, spinning into the air before disappearing into the ether. He'd claimed to be getting a glass of water, which he did come back with, but his clothes were removed and Kimberly stood staring blankly from her place at the door as Jason kept backing up from the sofa as the tyrant just kept his pace getting closer.

The freaked out captive didn't even say the words, "Stay back--!" before he found himself too close to the edge, gravity trying to take its hold; except for the powerful hand clutching Jason's wrist and pulling him back up and in until they were flush against each other. Jason catching his breath and suddenly all jello in the knees as Drakkon picked him up like a fairy princess and started towards the master suite that had been Jason's bedroom for weeks already.

There was a sense of unreality, when he was sat on the edge of the bed and Drakkon left him alone momentarily, like the the air pressure of the room had suddenly dropped or he had found himself cast out to sea on a boat that rocked with each wave trying to bring sickness.

Drakkon's hand on Jason's thigh did bring him somewhat back into equilibrium, but only because he found his focus sharpening with the words, "Did you think I'd let you be hurt?" A question that didn't require an answer, rhetorical and ambivalent as Drakkon simply held up the glass of water in one hand, and the little red pill that would get this binding contract started. The entry drug into officiating Jason into something like a rentboy or a mistress.

"But if you think you can't handle it..."

There it was. That little part of the Red Ranger that always had a hand in Jason's everything since he'd been given his Power Coin and suited up for the first time. The Red or the Tyrrano or whatever it was that planted in him and took root, making his fists clench and his jaw tighten; before reaching for the pill and tossing it back with the water.

He took at least a little satisfaction that Drakkon didn't have the time to keep that smug look on his face, all smoldering entitlement and thirst, for more than forty seconds.

The pill was alien in origin and nature and was exceptionally fast acting on humans that still had a functioning libido. Drakkon had been very clear on this when they'd been walking through their little contract. Jason didn't have to take it if he he thought he could get his dick up on his own at the thought of fucking 'Tommy' (as he liked to be called only in these moments, only alone with Jason--though sometimes with Kim in...other instances), but it was highly recommended to try at least once.

("Nothing quite like walking the moon the first time you orgasm with this aphrodisiac.")

"Tell me what you want."

'Tommy' remained down on his knees before the bed, face perfectly level with the throbbing cock that he had practically been dreaming about since Jason made his merry way out of the Deadlock. It was a lovely size, uncut, red tip wet at the end, and all of it straining and hot with blood as Jason spread his legs, hands on his knees and looked imperiously down at the other like he was little more than a field mouse sat in the path of a predator with shining neon eyes and a thick tail.

"Wan' yer cock," was practically slurred out, trying to talk around the blood from his teeth cutting his inner cheek when Jason slapped him for pawing at his waist without permission feeling a bit like when he'd tried to perform a scene from My Fair Lady when he was nine and didn't know any better about putting marbles in his mouth. Also the drool probably wasn't helping, but he wasn't going to swallow that just yet.

Jason scrunched his face, contemplative and angry and trying to ignore the drug heating him up, before letting go of his knees to settle both hands around the admittedly very lithe and pretty neck. fingers wrapping around the back and fingers pressing on both sides of the windpipe.

(It would be so easy to kill him. Who cared if Kim killed Jason under orders after, at least Drakkon's empire would fall...)

(The echo of 'No. Not like this.' clanged around from somewhere inside him hiding under the shame, where a tug of the Grid reminded him that he had responsibilities. A momentary exercise in discomfort or carnal pleasure was something he could live with. He could see this through.)

Pressing down on 'Tommy's' throat while Jason himself took a deep breath, he leaned in a little and practically growled, "You look better with my hands around your neck. Now say it again. I want to hear you beg."

The cock below Jason, slick and almost pretty in its silk smooth looks and clear pre streaming out like a geyser, twitched hard as Jason emphasized his order through lifting his foot and pressing the pad of it against balls that emitted a distressing amount of heat.

'Tommy' practically keened, head falling back and windpipe pressing harder into Jason's grip as he continued to grip at the bedframe, but managed a hoarse, but clear continuation of his earlier request, "Want you cock, please. Wanna taste it. Want it to fill me up."

"Fill you up where, Tommy?"

The thumbs let up a little, but his foot pressed harder as 'Tommy' looked deeply pleased with the question.

He opened his mouth wider and stuck out his coral pink tongue, putting on a show, but almost biting down on it as Jason returned to gripping him like a rubber chicken; though with the added stress of yanking 'Tommy' up and then tossing him onto the bed.

Before the bastard could right himself up onto all fours, Jason snatched at his long hair and made sure to sound as authoritative as possible, "On your back and open wide."

As afraid as Jason would have been at the smile that crossed the other's face in any other scenario, Jason was too hyped up to really care. He just delighted in gripping 'Tommy's' face in both hands, angling him how he wanted, and then plunging far and fast inside the open throat.

The choking from the gag reflex was a very pretty sound, and 'Tommy' almost lifted his hands to move Jason off for a moment--but then Jason slapped the hands away and leaned further in, 'Tommy's' nose brush the underside of his balls, as Jason tweaked one of the asshole's nipples as hard as he could. He then bucked back and forth twice before scratching down 'Tommy's' belly (leaving big red streaks with the fingernails he hadn't been chewing on lately) and gripping the needy cock between the root and balls like it was a toy.

"You be good," Jason warned, bucking again, and unfortunately blissed out when 'Tommy's' tongue started adding itself to the mix, as well as his actually trying to seemingly swallow the whole appendage blocking his airways, "And maybe I'll fuck you up the ass so you can come on my abs."

(Jason might have hated himself for it, but the dynamic reversal, him giving orders and 'Tommy' squirming under his ministrations like a pet just begging for belly rubs and treats, was something that did, actually, help him as the years passed. So much to do; so much to find.)

'Tommy' moaned around the cock, (going lax like he'd been instructed by the sentry that was still getting the shit beat out of him when Jason was being obstinate, but was apparently entirely unable not to form an opinion and say it out loud to give Drakkon the honesty he needed to feel anything more than numb) and breathed in the smell of musk and sweat between beats of Jason using his head like a cunt. He clutched fast and tight to the ruby red bedspread, kept his hands to himself, and squirmed with each passing ghost of a touch to his own cock, his belly button--a yank at his hair, another tweak of his nipples, Jason pulling all the way out so he could take a full breath, before snatching him up from beneath so he was suddenly upside-down.

The teeth sinking into his inner thighs made him scream a little around the prick in his mouth, but then he was thrown back onto the bed, the Red Ranger on top and pinning both of 'Tommy's' wrists above his head so he could rut against him, sticking his tongue down 'Tommy's' throat so he could taste his own blood and making him quiver like a bitch when he made sure their cocks were aligned with their bellies covered in sweat.

'What do you know, those dogs actually have good ideas,' was about as much as he was able to focus for the rest of the night when one strong hand was pressed to his throat again and the other hand gripped their cocks together. Jason's teeth gripping 'Tommy's' earlobe removing all coherent thought.

#boom! comics power rangers #world of the coinless #Coinless Jason Scott x Lord Drakkon #mature | sexy times #ask fill #prompt fill #all our injuries rhyme

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