#and i drug megan with me she was half hearted about seeing it and she LOVED it

[ladysqueakinpip]

well everyone. just watched mutant mayhem. excellent.

[jinx-on-mars-19xx]

Falling For Each Other

Red Leather and Running Mouths x Danger's Bitch x Soda, Cigarettes, and Broken Glass x Broken Doll x Bitch Barbie Cooties and Golden Fountains x Fuzzy Gazes and Bruising Grips x Choking on Truth x Wilde and Free x Hated Together

Dom x Colson (Yungblud x Machine Gun Kelly)

Warnings: dom Dom, sub Col, fighting, insults, drug use, drinking, hangovers, getting outed, MF hate, the f slur, boys being dumb, teasing, edging, blow jobs, anilingus, falling, blood, sexual accidents, boys being dumbasses, nervous Dom, d/s undertones, breaking shit 🚬 rating: explicit

There it was, the truth was staring them in the face one morning when they woke up. A million alerts on their phones and a hell of a hangover from the night before. They'd gone out and partied, needing to cheer each other up and maybe one too many beers had them making out in the back of a darkened club. They hadn't meant for it to happen and the moment Dom saw it his heart dropped- a picture (or ten) of the punk slowly pushing Col's hand into his undone pants. Fuck.

What worried him most wasn't just the fact that they were exposed so boldly, he knew he could calm his pet down about that but Megan of course used it to her advantage, breaking her promise. 'I knew from the beginning but he lied so well and I loved him so much. I just hope he doesn't hurt Dom like he did me.' The back of his tongue tasted sour and the longer his boyfriend didn't speak the faster his heart beat.

They'd been in a tenuous place for a week, the song releasing had brought them closer but Kells was still so worried to hurt him. He knew the man might keep his feelings quiet just to further protect him but he'd beat it out of him if he had to. "At least we look good, yeah?" He hummed softly, his cock twitching at the sight. There was nothing incredibly explicit, it wasn't like his dreaded Billboard picture with Billie Eilish, Colson had slipped his hand into his pants and behind his shirt so nothing was showing. But their expressions… If he didn't know any better he'd say he almost looked in love with the brat.

"I don't like 'ow you look like the bloody top. Why'd I let you 'old me like tha'?" He huffed softly, annoyed that everyone would think he was the bitch.

Finally there was a deep breath and a sigh. "You were shitfaced. Besides, no one would believe this anyway." His tone wasn't as teasing as his words were and Dom swallowed a whimper as the man tossed his phone down hard and pushed himself out of bed. It automatically felt colder without him and he tried not to shiver. Maybe he just felt colder.

He watched as the rapper grabbed a joint and a lighter and made his way to the bathroom. When the door shut between them it felt final but he wouldn't allow that. Not again. Not now that they could finally be honest. He growled low and picked up a cigarette, lighting it and taking a deep drag before opening his phone again. He fought himself to make a long post about them, he knew better than to act too soon. The door opened just a crack and something small flew at him and smacked him in the chest. He jumped but whispered his thanks to the closing door when he found a prescription painkiller. Yeah, that should take the edge off.

He took it gratefully and swallowed half the water in the glass his boyfriend had left for him the night before and as he scrolled through his texts the back of his mind was screaming to fix it. Colson hadn't let him say anything against Megan before and while she was keeping her word he dealt with it but now? Of course she used what should be a moment between them to further herself. He was just thankful a few of the comments were seeing the truth. Some people were asking if she knew, why had she tried to steal the man. Some were even calling her a homewrecker. If they only knew.

Gavin had tried calling him, Tom's name was in all of his alerts, any way he could be reached, Adam just sent a string of what appeared to be obscene emojis in context with a thumbs up at the end. His friends were special. "Turn it off." His lover shouted from the bathroom and he huffed softly. He sent one text out before doing what was asked, he had to at least let Tom know he was alright. He'd deal with everyone else.

"Wha' makes ya fink you can tell me wha' to do?" He asked, rubbing his temple and taking another drag. His eyes felt fuzzy and his mouth dry but at least the oxy was soothing the pounding in his head. He had to admit the pharmacy his sub kept was helpful in some situations. "Would you get your arse out 'ere? You know I don't like talking like-"

"Like what? You don't like giving me a hint of fucking privacy?" The bastard interrupted and his brow raised even though his eyes stayed closed.

"Careful luv." His voice warned, there was an edge that promised he was dancing on Dom's nerves. He knew whatever their problem is wasn't about his fucking lack of privacy. Well, it might be about them not getting any but Kells didn't want space from him. If anything he craved to be closer. Always.

"Fuck careful. You wanna be careful now? After you fucking outed me?" Even hidden behind a wall Dom could feel the moment Col tried to swallow his words but they were already out. He could hear the man trying to rush through pissing to get back to him. He still couldn't help the anger that built in his chest. How dare Kells blame it all on him?! Before he could stop himself he was gripping his empty water glass and throwing it across the room to smash against the wall keeping them separated. The way the stream paused before resuming even harder would have made the boy laugh but he was far too upset.

"You wanted to crawl under the bloody table if memory serves, at least I kept you from looking like a bitch!" He snapped, hissing when his angry movements made his cigarette ash on his belly. He was trying to swipe it off as the door slammed open and his man stalked out to stare down at him. The cloud of pot smoke followed him but thankfully Colson flipped on the fan. They might be fighting but the man was always careful with Dom. Always.

"I still look-" He paused, finally catching himself before the wrong thing came out but it didn't matter. The implication was clear.

"Like a fag? Tha' wha' ya scared of luv cause let me fucking tell you. Let me let you in on a secret-"

"Don't-"

"Don't tell me 'don't'! You is one Colson. The great and badass Machine Gun Kelly renown for 'is pussy game is a great big bloody fruit. A bottom even. A sub. You begged me on ya knees since day fucking one! You me bitch Cols. Why is it so bad everyone fucking knows it?" Dom's voice was raising as he pushed himself out of bed and stood to face his lover. The moment he was exposed Colson paused, his gaze dropping to his half hard cock. He couldn't help it, he was always drawn like a moth to the flame.

"But… why? I don't like anyone else." He huffed softly, hip checking the doorframe. He was still upset but the fight was draining out of him. It always did when he saw Dom naked.

"Fine, maybe you pan or summat, I don't care. I don't fink most of your fans give a fuck. You know wha' I been seeing? Support Cols. Your true people sticking up for us. A lot of 'em are calling 'er a 'omewrecker. Saying 'ey called it from day one." The punk smirked, he honestly wondered how it took them as long as it did.

The way the rapper's face calmed and almost went sad hurt his heart. The man had been so careful of him for too long. "At least no one thinks you're queerbating now huh?" He tried to tease and Dom laughed but it was a soft sound. They were scared of the unknown and this made their whole futures that. Colson walked closer slowly until he finally reached him and dropped to his knees, wrapping himself around his dominant.

Dom sighed and put his cigarette out before he tangled his hands in his boyfriend's hair and pushed him against his thigh. "I got you. Always got you." He soothed, scratching his blunt nails through the messy blonde locks. He could feel him trying to kiss over his skin and his dick started to fill at the attention. His brat had talked back to him though. "No. Go work your aggression out first. You ain't taking it out on me." He snapped, yanking rough at the man's scalp.

Colson whined, nuzzling his stubbled cheek against his lover's cock, his lips teasing over his tight balls. "I can work it out just fine right here."

Dom's answer was to push him back hard with his foot and to leave the room with his phone in hand. He had to punish his pet somehow and he needed to check in with his friends. Kells was left whining on the floor, his cock hard and leaking against his thigh. He wasn't surprised exactly, he knew raising his voice would get him in trouble but Dom rarely edged. He hated it.

Thirty minutes later Kells was hanging from a bar in his gym, his muscles burning from overuse. He was drenched in sweat and feeling far better than he had. His Daddy always knew exactly what he needed. He made it to forty upside down sit ups before the boy wandered in as naked as he had been before. He walked around as the rapper kept going and kept an eye on him but he could feel himself being watched. "One-hundred." He lied and his lover giggled, shaking his head as he finally made his way closer. It was certainly an interesting angle but Dom was near his dick a lot.

"Don't get down." The punk purred, his fingers tracing designs in his sweat. He couldn't help but shiver though he tried to obey. When the kid wrapped his fist around his shaft he almost slid off but he tightened his hold and felt his blood fighting where to rush.

"Dizzy." He panted, licking his lips and trying to blink the sweat from his eyes. Everything was fuzzy but with Dom standing over him he blocked all the light. The rapper had to rely on scent and that was all his boyfriend. The heady musk of dried cum was still stuck to his skin. He never cleaned up the night before.

"Good." Dom purred, stroking his lover. If he stood on tiptoe he could suck him off but he didn't want to give him too much too soon and that might actually make him fall. "Ya know, we could turn 'is into a lovely dungeon." He hummed, looking around. He could still remember the sex room Col had in his old house but of course Megan hadn't allowed that. Bitch was more vanilla than his mum's baked goods and twice as dense.

Kells whimpered, trying to put his arms down to ease the strain in his legs but Dom pinched his fingers between his toes until he stopped. If this kept up long he knew he'd pass out but it certainly wouldn't be the first time. Dom would take care of him. "You're all red." He teased, staring down at Col's face and the rapper laughed.

An idea struck him, he knew he wasn't really allowed to make decisions or ask for things, especially when he hadn't been a good boy but he hoped his lover would allow him something. "Spread your legs?" He was drastically thankful for how long he was as the boy surprisingly did as he asked. He could feel Dom's confusion as his arms pushed between those plush perfect thighs. The punk squeaked when Kells pulled him up off the floor. The palm around his cock tightened almost too much but after a moment his Daddy seemed to get the point and he wrapped his legs around Col's ribs as tight as he could.

Colson couldn't breathe but for a moment he didn't need to, his palms groped rough at pale freckled globes and his tongue searched out Dom's sweet pink hole. The flavor was musky and heavy, sweat and old cum and whatever just made Dom, Dom. A soft whimper escaped him as he tried to bury his tongue deeper but the boy struck, curling his mouth around Col's cock and that was fucking it.

Dom realized a moment too soon that his act of need was a mistake but he couldn't do anything about it. The man's legs slipped from the bar and they went tumbling, thankfully his ankles protected the rapper's head but his dick speared deep in the boy's throat and he choked hard, pulling off and spluttering. "You good?" The man rasped, his voice muffled between soft cheeks and Dom nodded but he knew he couldn't see. Fuck what a mess, but Kells didn't care, his boy could destroy him and he'd still beg for more. "What do you need?" It was a gentle beg and a way to show he was handing control fully back to his dominant but for once Dom just giggled and shook his head.

Normally he'd be embarrassed after something like that, normally he'd need to prove he was top. Instead of doing any of that he turned around and hovered over his still pink lover. "Oof, you bite ya lip on the way down?" He hummed, tracing Col's mouth where it bled.

"Probably more than that." He sighed, smiling up at his boyfriend. He was sure he was a mess but he didn't care, not when Dom stared at him like he was.

"Mmm, you fink blood works as lube?" He teased, he was sure some of it was painting his ass but he'd been allowing his man inside him far too much lately. The brat might be forgetting his place. "Suppose tha's why you ain't meant to work out naked."

Colson laughed, he was sure Dom was right but they'd been doing a little more than working out. He still hoped they would do more. "Why'd you turn around?" He pouted, making the boy smile.

"Wanted to look at you." He shrugged, flicking his tongue over the crimson covering his lover's mouth. There was a phrase floating around in his head and it turned his stomach to sharp winged butterflies. No matter what people thought he wasn't exactly soft, he couldn't be, not with all he'd been through. Still though there was something about Colson that had him thinking pretty words and slow sex. "Let me make love to you?" He asked before he could lock the words down and he fully expected the bastard to laugh.

Instead Kells froze under him, his blue eyes blinking fast for a moment as if he had to process the sentence. It sure as shit wasn't something he ever thought he'd hear from the boy. He wanted to ask what the game was but with Dom's heavy gaze on him he didn't think there was one. "Like… how?" He whispered, suddenly everything felt soft and loud at the same time.

Dom grinned slowly, he could feel himself shaking but Colson was trembling too. "Like me cock in tha' tight lil ass of yours like every night. Jus'... Slower. I fink." He hummed. Honestly he was just as confused by what he wanted. It wasn't something he'd ever even asked a girl, he didn't know what the fuck it entailed.

"I've never-"

"I know. Me um- me neiver. Wanna figure it out? Wiv me?" He stumbled over his words, for the first time he wasn't completely sure of himself and he tried to cover it up by standing up and reaching a hand down for his man.

"Yeah? O-okay." Shit, they were both nervous but neither knew why. The air felt electric though and every breath felt like fire. "Take me to bed?"

Author's Note/Tags: @hollywoodxwhore @jaxbreaker @manicpixiedreamb0y @iamnotanearthlingmotherfucker @fenoy7 @cole-way-iero28 🖤

So this wasn't as rough as this fic normally is but I thought I'd let them get a little closer. I'm not even sure if these boys can make love but 😂 we'll all find out together ❤️‍🔥🚬

[morgansmoreid]

Do You Still Love Me • Derek Morgan • Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Name: "Flashbacks"

Fic Masterlist

Content/Trigger Warnings: Abuse, Death, Drug Use, Self Harm Dynamics, Groping, Sexual Assault

---

"Mama, please don't leave me." Y/n looks back to the woman pushing her on the swing set. "I just don't want you to leave me again."

Y/M/N says nothing. Shes seen everything. The way Y/F/N blamed Y/n for her death, the way he would throw her to the wall, slap her, and just the way her daughter took everything. She watched the way her eyes went small every time the drugs kicked in and she watched the pain run through her every time Y/M/N was brought up.

But even then, she knows her daughter is strong. She knows her daughter isn't like her, the one that slept around and left her Star.

Y/F/N is right, Y/M/N is a lot of things.

Y/F/N is right, Y/M/N ruined Y/n.

But Y/n is strong.

"Stay with me baby." Y/M/N's soft tone doesn't match the fear that rings through her own lifeless body. "Stay with me and it will just be with us forever."

Derek and Aaron corner Y/F/N in a wall and take matters in their own hands.

"Where is she?" The angry Derek says.

"You were asked a question," Aaron grips the older mans arm. "Where is Y/n?"

The others distract the station while the two listen Y/F/N, taking notes.

James orders Megan to get the small bottle and needle that lays on top of the cabinet.

"She's not going to be able to daydream for long now." He fills the needle with the liquid before surprisingly finding a vein and sticking the point in it.

The familiar feeling of pleasure quickly runs through Y/n before her mother is no longer before her and she is no longer on the swing set.

It's black again.

Her eyes are open again.

She hears James again.

She feels the needle pierce her skin again.

"Y/F/N admitted that James was once obsessed with Y/n, to a point he had to kick him out of his house multiple times." Aaron walks into the room with Derek.

"Was he shocked?" David asks, watching as Derek whispers to Penelope.

" Ultimately yes, he even gave us some pin points, starting with an old safe house Y/n used to.." Aaron pauses, taking a breath before watching Penelope's finger go across her keyboard. "An old safe house were Y/n used to get high. It's about 3 hours away and she used to take the train."

"The dealers park." A voice from the door says. "That fucker took my baby girl to dealers park and I want to make him pay." Y/F/N says.

"I got an address!" Penelope turns around and soon after, Aaron, David, Emily, Jennifer, and Spencer, along with Y/F/N and his officers speed down the streets.

"They are going to find her." Penelope rubs Derek's shoulder. "They are going to find her and bring her back to you."

For the first time since Y/n was taken, Derek has let himself cry.

Y/n's missed this feeling. She's missed the 2 seconds and after pain in her arm and she's missed the way her world has color.

She wants more.

She needs more.

But James is done with her. He's done with feeling useless and only being a pawn. He's so angry that as Megan try's to calm him down, he takes out the pocket knife he stored and lets out all his anger. The sound of flesh being cut echos and echos, but the blackness stays.

James is bloody and Megan is dead. James walks up to Y/n's already bloody body and puts his arm around her back and presses his face to hers so hard, her screams from pain and refusal is muffled but his lips.

His hands make her way down to her ass and pull, missing the feeling of her skin against his.

Y/n can't scream.

And even if she did, no one would hear her.

She's in pain. Her skin is cut and she's more dirty from James hands on her.

Stop. She wants to tell him.

Mommy. She want to be held.

Stop. She knows he would listen.

Mommy. She wants to be with her again.

The team assembles outside and prepares for the raid, SWAT taking lead.

Door after door they knock down, but so caught up in his own world, James doesn't care.

These almost 17 hours he has had of Y/n have been the best and when the door is finally kicked down, he meets the eyes of Y/F/N first.

Everyone looks at the tied up Y/n. Bloody, almost completely naked, the drugs next to her feet with the half empty syringe.

She looks up to noise but she can't see anything.

She feels the blade being pressed to her boob, knowing just a little to the left and the knife would be at her pounding heart.

She hears James admit his love.

She hears her dad and Aaron scream.

She feels the blade in her chest.

She hears the gunshots and feels the blood run down past her feet.

It goes black.

Mommy.

She wants her.

Mommy.

She takes her hand.

[rizlowwritessortof]

Meant To Be - Chapter 8

Dean and Jordan are each trying to escape their painful pasts. Their chance meeting and a dangerous encounter begins a relationship that may give them both a new start.

Pairing: Police Detective Dean Winchester/Jordan Taylor

Word Count: 3085

Warnings: None

Aesthetic by @editsbymichele on Instagram; Dividers by @firefly-graphics​ 

Jordan regained consciousness with a groan at the throbbing pain in her head. She tried to move, to hold her head in her hands, but they were securely bound behind her back – duct tape, it felt like, and she opened her eyes slowly, remembering what had happened and wondering where she was.

The masked man in front of her shoved at the shoulder of the larger man beside him. “Hey – bitch is awake.”

She squinted up at the man who had spoken, defiance in her eyes. “Fuck you.”

He took a step towards her, but his apparent boss grabbed his arm. “Knock it the fuck off. Take a walk.”

Douche-bag flunky stalked away in a huff, and the man in charge hunkered down in front of her. “Sorry things have to be like this, but it’ll be over soon. Just keep your mouth shut and do as you’re told, and you’ll be fine.”

Jordan just glared back at him, then turned her head, letting her eyes scan the room. She was in some sort of garage, or storage building, she wasn’t sure. The windows were painted over, so no view to the outside. She winced as she moved, her jaw aching and her head pounding with every beat of her heart. Oh, God… Sam…

“What about the guy you beat half to death. Will he be fine?”

Her captor tilted his head. “They hauled him off to the hospital. I’m sure he’ll live.”

She stared back at him, venom in her gaze. “He’d better.”

He chuckled quietly. “Listen, all you need to worry about is that your boyfriend does what he’s told. Then everybody can go home, nobody else needs to get hurt.”

“Right. Except him.”

He shook his head. “As long as he does his job, he’s good.”

“I thought this was all about revenge for the shooting.”

“I want one thing, and one thing only, and a cop is the only one who can get it for me. Speaking of… it’s about time to make a call. Since you’re awake and so chatty. Because I’m sure he’s gonna want to talk to you.” He stood back up, pulling a phone from his pocket – it was hers. He placed the call and put it on speaker, waiting silently for an answer.

“Jordan?”

“Wrong. I am Jordan-adjacent, though.”

“She’d better be in perfect health, you dick, or...”

“She’s fine. Just shut up and listen. Remember a couple of months ago, the big drug bust, made all the papers?”

Dean was silent for a moment, and Jordan pictured him closing his eyes, dreading what was coming next. “Yeah.”

“Well, Detective – all that cocaine? That was mine. You’re gonna go to the evidence lock-up, take it all out, and bring it to me. Three duffle bags, no tricks.”

“You’re fucking crazy.”

“Crazy or not, it’s mine – and I want it back. I don’t care how you do it – not my problem. You get me that coke, and your little spitfire here gets to live.”

“I’m not doing shit until I talk to Jordan. I need to know she’s okay.”

“Yeah, I figured as much.” The masked man knelt down in front of her and held the phone closer to her.  “Go ahead, talk.”

“Dean?” Her voice quavered as she fought tears for the first time since her ordeal had begun.

“Jordan, are you hurt?”

“I’m okay. Dean, is Sam...”

“Sam’s gonna be fine. Don’t worry.”

Her captor rose to his feet again. “Okay, that’s enough for now. I’ll call you in one hour with instructions.”

Jordan swallowed a sob, tears slowly trailing down her cheeks as he ended the call. “You’re insane. How is he supposed to steal drugs from the police lockup?”

“He’ll figure it out. He’d better.” He turned and reached to grab her by the arm, pulling her to her feet. “And now, since our little phone call is done – you can go into the storage closet so we can take off these fucking masks. Hope you appreciate how careful I’ve been to make sure you can survive this little transaction.”

She shot him a glance full of spite. “I’ll send you a fruit basket.”

He laughed. “You know, different circumstances, I think I could really like you.” He unlocked and opened the door to a large walk-in closet, windowless and dark except for vents high up near the ceiling that let scant light in from the room outside. He moved farther into the room, lowering her down next to the wall. A blonde sat across from her, arms held close against her body. “Brought you a roommate. Play nice.” He turned and left the room, locking the door with a loud click and walking away.

The girl looked up at Jordan, her expression stoic. “So you’re the one.”

“The one what?”

“The one I was supposed to grab the first time.”

Jordan leaned her head back against the wall. “You’re Megan? What are you doing in here? I thought you were working with these assholes.”

Megan looked away. “I was supposed to do their dirty work for them. Didn’t work out so well.”

“Sucks when you piss off the boss,” Jordan muttered resentfully, and the blonde’s head raised back up, her blue eyes angry.

“Look, I didn’t… I mean, I knew what I was doing, but I just – I wanted justice for my brother. They lied to me. I found out, after… I tracked down a couple of people that were there that night, people that are still hiding because they’re afraid of these fuckers. They told me what happened. That your cop boyfriend didn’t have any choice. And I was pissed, I called these asshats and told them I wanted to meet.”

“I take it they didn’t like what you had to say.”

“I told them I didn’t like being lied to and used, and that I was done. And they told me that was too bad, because they couldn’t let me go since I knew too much. And I tried to get away, but they broke my fucking arm and knocked me out, locked me up in here.”

Jordan was silent for a moment, the only sound the other girl’s agitated breathing as she fought to control herself. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I assumed… Do you know who they are?”

Megan shook her head. “No. They wore masks when I met them, before that it was just phone contact.”

After a few seconds of silence, Jordan spoke softly. “They want Dean to steal cocaine from the evidence lockup and bring it to them. Supposedly, if they get what they want, they’ll let us go.”

Megan let out a derisive snort. “I’ll believe that when it happens. They’re already on the hook for murder, I doubt if they give a shit about a couple more.”

Resting her aching head against the wall, Jordan let out a sigh. “I know.”

Dean gripped his phone so hard that his hand shook, and Donna put a firm hand on his forearm. “Calm down. Losing it right now isn’t going to help anybody, Dean.”

He looked at the technician sitting behind the monitor, and she shook her head before dropping her eyes. “No trace. Damn it, Donna, what the hell am I supposed to do?”

“Cap’s office, now - brainstorm. We’ll figure it out.”

After a quick knock, the partners were invited to enter, and they both plopped down into the chairs in front of the Captain’s desk. “So what are we dealing with?”

Dean filled him in on the ransom call, and the Captain leaned back in his chair, looking Dean in the eye. “You know we can’t just give them the coke, Detective.”

“There’s got to be something we can do. He’s calling in one hour to give us the drop instructions,” Donna said, forcing herself to remain calm. “Can we put dye packs...”

“They said no tricks. They’ll check for that. We can’t risk it.” Dean bit back, and she took a breath before trying again.

“Okay, they demanded we bring the drugs in three duffle bags. We put a tracker in them.”

The Captain spoke up. “In all probability, they’ll expect that and switch to their own bags when we make the drop.”

Dean moved forward, his forearms braced on his knees. “Okay, so we put a tracker in the coke. Let forensics open one up, put it in the middle so it can’t be seen, and seal it back up exactly like it was before. Then we can track it to their destination.” The Captain narrowed his eyes, considering, and Dean continued. “Sir,  I swear on my life I won’t let them get away with those drugs. But you have to let us do this.”

The Captain thought for a few moments before sitting upright and blowing out a loud breath. He nodded, then said reluctantly, “Okay, I’ll sign the order. I’m holding you to your word.”

Dean closed his eyes for a moment, breathing a sigh of relief. “We won’t let you down, Cap.”

The older man’s words followed them out the door. “You damn well better not.”

Jordan looked up as the door rattled, then swung inward. Her captor knelt down in front of her, setting a bottle of water nearby. “Lean up, I’ll cut your hands loose. Can’t do anything in here, anyway.”

She did as she was told, relieved to be able to move her arms, and gratefully accepted the water. “Thanks,” she muttered grudgingly, and he moved over to set water down near her fellow prisoner. “She needs a doctor, you know.”

He rose to his feet and turned, moving back towards the door. “After I have my property, she can see all the doctors she wants.”

Megan looked down at the bottle, shaking her head as the door closed and locked again. “And how the hell does he think I’m gonna open this?”

Jordan stood up, stretching her aching shoulders, and walked over, kneeling down to open the bottle. Megan’s face looked flushed, her eyes glazed over a little, and Jordan laid a hand on her forehead. “You’re feverish. Maybe they’ll at least give us some aspirin.”

Megan huffed out a sarcastic laugh. “Don’t count on it.”

Jordan went to the door and pounded, shouting. “Hey! Anybody out there? Can we get some aspirin?”

A loud bang on the other side of the door startled her back a step. “Shut the fuck up in there! Be glad you got water.”

Megan gave her a half-smile. “Told you. But thanks for trying.”

“Assholes,” Jordan said under her breath, stripping off the button-down she was wearing over her tank top and kneeling back down in front of Megan.

“What the hell are you doing?” she asked, watching Jordan fold and re-fold the shirt until she was satisfied with the results.

“You have to be exhausted trying to hold your arm like that. I thought maybe a sling would help.” She carefully slipped the makeshift sling under Megan’s injured forearm, taking the sleeves behind her neck and tying them into a knot. The girl sighed with relief as she relaxed her shoulder, letting the shirt cradle her arm.

“Thank you.” Jordan smiled at her and headed back to her spot against the wall.

“You’re welcome.”

Dean ended his call and stuffed his phone back into his pocket, turning to Donna. “Sam’s out of surgery, everything’s good.”

His partner sighed with relief and smiled. “Thank God. One of the guys from forensics just finished up with the tracker. Everything’s ready to go.”

As if on cue, Dean’s phone rang, and he grabbed it from his pocket, nodding towards the tech who would be trying to trace the call. When the officer signaled, Dean answered. “Yeah.”

“I assume that you’ve got my coke ready to deliver?”

“Yeah. Just tell me where and when so we can get this over with.” The man rattled off an address, and Dean repeated it. “I want to talk to Jordan. Make sure she’s still okay.”

“No more time for socializing right now. She’s fine. You’ll just have to trust me.”

“Like hell I will.”

“You don’t have a choice. Meet me at that address in 45 minutes, come alone, and I’ll give you her location so you can have a nice, long chat with your girl.” The call ended abruptly, and Dean swore, his teeth clenched together in frustrated anger.

Donna put a hand on his shoulder. “Hey. We’re gonna nail these bastards.”

He took a breath, his expression taut and determined. “Fuckin’ right. And she’d better be okay, or I swear to God...”

“She’ll be okay. She’s smart, and she’s tough, and you’re gonna get her back.”

Dean pulled into the parking lot, eyes scanning the area. “You can still hear me?” he asked, and a tinny affirmative reply came through his earpiece. Donna and two other squad cars were parked a couple of blocks away, and the SWAT van was another block over and north, their tracking equipment set up to follow the cocaine after the drop.

A dark, nondescript SUV pulled into the lot and parked a couple of car lengths away. Dean exited the car, tugging his vest down and taking a couple of steps to the front of the car. His contact climbed out of his vehicle, mask in place, moving forward a few steps and then taking a wide-legged stance, his arms folded over his chest. “Okay, let’s get this party started.” Dean nodded, opening the trunk and grabbing the bags, walking forward until the man shouted for him to stop. “Drop the bags right there.”

“Where is she?” Dean responded, still holding them, challenge in his eyes.

“When we conclude our business, I’ll tell you. Now drop the bags.”

He did as he was told, muttering under his breath, “I’m gonna kill this fucker.”

Donna’s voice came back, “No, you’re not. Just take a breath, partner.”

At a motion from the man in charge, a couple of masked men exited the vehicle, empty duffle bags in hand. They knelt on the ground and began to transfer the cocaine to their own bags, and Dean walked back to close the trunk on his cruiser. “What’s the matter, don’t trust me?”

“Oh, come on, Detective. Like I don’t know they’d put some kind of tracker in those bags. I don’t blame you, don’t worry. I’m sure your commanding officer insisted.” His men finished loading the coke and retreated back to the SUV, tossing their prize into the back before getting back inside. The driver pulled a phone from his pocket, dialing and speaking a few quiet words before looking towards Dean and speaking.

“All right. Well done, Detective. You’ll find your little spitfire in a storage building two blocks north of here.” Dean moved quickly towards his door, but the man called out again. “Also, you have a choice – you can have your backup try to follow us – or you can get to that storage building and save those girls. Seems a fire got started in there somehow. Your choice. Better hurry, though.”

Dean was in his car, engine roaring to life, as he spoke to Donna. “Did you hear that? Meet me there, let SWAT track the coke!”

“You got it!” the answer came back, and Dean squealed the tires, heading north.  His foot to the floor, his eyes scanned frantically for smoke as he approached the two-block area, and he screeched to a halt in front of the building, smoke already pouring from a broken window on the side. His backup pulled in a few seconds later as he reached the door, placing a palm against it to test for heat.

“Bring the battering ram!” He shouted, knowing it was futile to try to kick in the steel-reinforced door, and two officers came at a run with the tool in hand. “Call fire!” he shouted over his shoulder as the third slam into the door sent it flying inward, the frame splintering. Donna and two other officers entered right behind him, skirting the fire and searching the building.

Dean headed straight for the closet, hearing Jordan pounding on the door and calling out. “Help! We’re in here!”

“Stand back from the door!” he shouted, waited a few seconds, and let the battering ram do its work. “Jordan!” He rushed into the room, letting his relief wash over him for a split second before taking her arm and shoving her towards an officer. “Get her out of here!”

“Dean! Megan needs help, she’s sick, and her arm is broken,” Jordan called out to him, then let the officer lead her out.

He nodded, heading Megan’s direction. “Okay, Megan, I’m just going to pick you up and carry you out. Can you get your good arm around my neck?” The girl nodded, and Dean bent to pick her up, as careful as he could be not to jostle her arm.

Fire and Rescue were just pulling in, and Dean carried Megan directly to the ambulance, waiting for the EMTs to ready the gurney before laying her down. “You okay?” he asked, and she nodded, and he stepped back to allow the paramedics to do their job. He turned, eyes searching until he spotted Jordan being hugged by Donna, and in a few long strides, he was there, pulling her into his arms.

He held her tight, letting her sob softly into his chest until she quieted down. “Thank you,” she whispered as he pulled back, looking down into her eyes. He touched her face, barely brushing over her bruised jaw and gently touching the cut over her eyebrow, beautifully framing her black eye.

“Got quite a shiner, there,” he said, and she nodded, wincing.

“Yeah, they, uh – they slammed my head into the steering wheel.”

He pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “Baby, I’m so sorry.”

“Not your fault. Sam...”

“Sam’s okay. He’s out of surgery, he’ll be fine, hospital called me.” Another ambulance pulled in, and he brushed his knuckles over her uninjured cheek. “I’m sorry, Jordan, but you need to go in and get checked out.” She looked into his eyes, watching the guilty struggle there, and put her hand over his.

“Dean – go. Catch those assholes. They’ll take care of me.”

After a moment’s pause, he finally nodded. “Okay. Let’s get you in the ambulance, then Donna and I will go help SWAT take out the trash.”

Chapter 9

[blackmissfrizzle]

No One Has To Know- Part 2

Part 1

Pairing: Angel Reyes x black!reader

Summary: The reader gets a real graduation party.

Warnings: Smut

A/N: I finally got my Girls in the Hood inspired fic out! I hope yall enjoy!

Now this was a party. Your best friend, Bryce surprised you with a graduation party the pool party edition. The only thing missing was your boyfriend and his friends. They had club business to attend to that had them running late.

Aisha, a fellow graduate was complaining about how she didn’t know how to ride dick, so you gladly volunteered to show her. On que, Shake That Monkey came on and you laid Aisha on the lounge chair. Getting on top of her you began twerking on her.

Bounce that ass up and down to the floor

Shake that shit till you can't no more

Twerk that monkey, lemme see you get low

Freak that nigga till your shit get sore

Too busy twerking on your friend, you didn’t notice that Angel and his friends arrived. Angel couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Your ass on display, eating up your bikini bottoms, moving up and down to the beat. You were definitely riding him later on tonight.

“FUCK IT UP!” You heard Letty’s voice cheer you on.

Turning around you saw the young girl, surprised at how she got there. Her dad beat you to the punch to questioning her. “Leticia, what the fuck are you doing here?!”

You couldn’t pay too much attention to the argument because suddenly you were picked up from Aisha.

“Where’s the clothes at, mi dulce?” Angel asked, biting your ear. There were too many eyes on his girl. He’ll pull his gun if he had to, he just had to do it secretly to keep the mood right.

“This is a pool party, Angelito. Clothes are unnecessary. In fact, you got too many clothes on.” You turned to tug at the ends of his kutte.

“It’s because I knew you wouldn’t be able to keep your hands to yourself.” Angel joked, sliding his hand to grab your ass.

Bryce walked past the two of you and forced drinks into both of y’alls hands. Apparently, you were too sober for her. Just as you were about to comment about how good the drinks were your song came on. You and Bryce ran towards each other, hyping the other up as you screamed the lyrics together.

Fuck bein' good, I'm a bad bitch (Ah)

I'm sick of motherfuckers tryna tell me how to live (Fuck y'all))

Angel stood behind and just watched. He loved just watching you be carefree. The pressure of being the perfect daughter not weighing on you.

Jumping in Angel’s face you began singing the lyrics towards him, dancing along to the song.

In the mall with him, I'ma have a ball with him (Yeah, yeah, woah)

Somebody call Rihanna, I'ma buy some drawers with him

He fuckin' with Thee Stallion 'cause he into wild women (He love wild women)

Put them legs on his head, now he love tall women (Yeah, yeah, ah)

You'll never catch me callin' these niggas daddy (Nope)

Angel smacked your ass as a warning to tell you to quit your shit. On multiple occasions you’ve called him daddy and he wasn’t about to let you act like you didn’t just because you were singing some lyrics.

The little smack you got, prompted you to twerk on Angel. You never really had this opportunity before and now that you can you’re loving it. You wanted to show off Angel as your man.

I'm a hot girl, I do hot shit (I do hot shit)

Spend his income on my outfit (On my outfit)

I don't text quick 'cause I ain't thirsty (I ain't thirsty)

These bitches mad, mad, they wanna hurt me (Ah, ah)

While sipping on your drink, you looked over your shoulder all innocently like you weren’t just making your ass clap against Angel’s erection.

Yeah, he call me Patty Cake 'cause the way that ass shake (Yeah, yeah, ass shake)

I'ma make him eat me out while I'm watchin' anime (Wow, wow, anime)

Pussy like a Wild Fox, lookin' for a Sasuke (Yeah, yeah, ayy, yeah)

The friction of his clothes and you twerking on him made Angel’s hard on unbearable for him. He had to get a little taste to hold him over for the rest of the party. Picking you up he led you into the house.

“Angel! Where are we going?” You wrapped your arms around his neck to secure yourself.

“Somewhere I can watch that ass shake on my dick.” Angel found the nearest bathroom and set you down on the counter.

Kneeling before you he ran his nose against your core, making you wetter than you already were.

Tugging on his hair, you tilted his head so he could look at you. “I thought you wanted to see my ass shake?”

Untying your bottoms, Angel stuck two ring adorned fingers inside of you. “Yeah, I do but first I wanna feel your legs wrapped around my head. Is that okay with you, baby?”

“Fuck yes,” you moaned, enjoying the feel of Angel’s fingers stretching you out.

There was no teasing. Angel dived in, eating your pussy like it was his last meal. He knew how to get you to a quick orgasm, and he was pulling out all the stops to get you there.

And sure, you love the head he was giving you, but right now you wanted to cum all on his dick. “Baby please I need you inside of me.” You tried to push away from him, but instead he wrapped his arm around your waist tightly and pulled you closer to him.

Angel’s tongue was expertly switching between flicking and sucking on your clit while fucking you with his fingers. Once he applied more pressure to your clit and angling his fingers, you reached your peak, beating on his back from how explosive the orgasm was.

Standing up to his full height, his beard and lips glistened from your juices. Crooking your finger, you beckoned Angel to bend down so you could get a tiny taste. The taste of your essence mix with Angel was heavenly like none other.

While kissing him, you unbuckled his jeans and pulled them down with his boxer briefs just far enough for his cock to spring out. You only got a couple of strokes in before Angel stopped you.

“Who am I?” He asked, his hand around your throat, lips ghosting over yours, and dick a half an inch away from sheathing itself inside of you.

“Daddy,” you whimpered, trying to scoot closer to his dick.

Angel lightly slapped your face. “Don’t forget it and don’t you say something stupid like that again. I don’t give a fuck even if it’s in a song.” Angel referenced to your sing along to Megan.

“Yes Daddy.” Normally you would be a bratty little shit, but Angel fucking you was the only thing you could focus on.

After slipping on a condom and turning you to face the mirror, Angel rammed into, making you cum on the spot. He rested his head on your shoulder and kissed it right before he bit it. “Make a fucking doctor’s appointment and get on that birth control, because after today you’re only gonna be coming on my cock with nothing between us. Understand?”

You nodded your head in agreement. Angel didn’t care that you didn’t give him a verbal answer, he was too caught up in how tight you felt around him.

“Shit, I don’t care if you don’t get on birth control. I could fill you up and you can have my babies. Do you wanna have my babies, mi alma?” Angel whispered against your ear, his deep voice sending shivers down your spine.

“Fuck yes, Daddy.” You looked back at him and he saw the fire in your eyes. He knew right now you would let him rip the condom off and shoot all up inside of you. The selfish bastard in him wanted to, but he remembered that you’re still young and that y’all had plenty of time to make babies later, so he kept the condom on.

Angel grabbed you around the neck and flushed your back against his chest. “Congratulations, graduate. I fuckin’ love you, you know that, right?” He asked, his lips peppering down your cheek.

Reaching behind you palmed his face. “I do, Angel. I love you too.” The sounds of your sex contradicted the softness of your proclamation of love, but soon the softness was replaced with roughness as Angel ordered you to cum with him.

Bishop was pissed and nervous. Him along with Taza and Hank came to the party to drop off a present for you. He didn’t expect to hear you and Angel having sex and now he wanted to rip Angel’s head from his shoulders.

“Calmese,” Hank advised his friend and president.

“I know in my head that she’s grown, and I can’t tell her anything, but hearing Angel fucking defiling my little girl is driving me crazy.” Bishop had to be careful holding the gift. He was so agitated he almost wrinkled the bag.

Taza slapped him on the back. “It’s ok. You’re going through 24 years worth of parenting in less than a month.”

“What if she doesn’t like it?” Bishop asked, now worried about the present instead of you and Angel. Both Hank and Taza assured to their friend that you would love your gift. It would no doubt become useful and it had a secret personal touch to it.

Seeing the older Mayans at the party, you drugged Angel along to say hi. “Hey, guys! Thank you for coming.” You hugged each man.

“We’re just dropping by. This is a little too young for us.” Bishop joked, fiddling with the bag in his hand. “Anyway, this is for you.”

Eagerly, you took the bag from him. You weren’t expecting a gift from him. Removing the tissue paper, you discovered your own helmet. Even though you were scared to ride Angel’s bike, you knew one day you would, and you would need a helmet of your own.

Jumping into Bishop’s arms you thanked him profusely.

To have his daughter in his arms warmed his heart even if she didn’t know the truth. “You’re welcome, sweetheart.”

Angel couldn’t hold back the tinge of jealousy. Of all the girlfriends the Mayans ever had, none of them ever gotten a gift from Bishop, especially a gift that’s meant to be given from a boyfriend.

“Angel, can I talk to you for a bit?” Bishop asked, not even waiting for Angel to agree before walking off.

Once they were ducked off in a corner away from everyone else Angel spoke up. “What’s up, prez?”

In full and president authoritarian mode, Bishop warned Angel. “Respect her, you understand me? Keep your dirty shit in private.”

What the fuck was this, Angel thought. The only time Bishop gave any of them shit about screwing around was when they were in the clubhouse bathroom and someone needed to use it. Other than that it was jokes all around. Did this have something to do with you being the mayor’s daughter?

Angel’s rebuttal died on his tongue when he saw Bishop’s face. There was no arguing with him about this at all. “Got it, prez.” Angel nodded his head in agreement and then left in search of you, secretly wondering if his president had a thing for his girl.

Tags: @angrythingstarlight​ @briannab1234​ @starrynite7114​ @marvelmaree​ @thickemadame​ @chaneajoyyy​ @woahitslucyylu​

[ms-rampage]

Eden’s Gate: Aftermath Chapter 5 - The Growing Family of Hunters

Warnings: Swearing.

Word count: 2.9k

This is a short follow up series to Kidnapped leading up to the nuclear holcaust, and the beginning of New Dawn. 

Summary: Kate recovers from her Bliss hallucination after being forced out by her Archangel, Paige gets a new lead on Joseph, and the guys' families come by.

Guest OCs: Too many at this point. FML. 

Guest Characters: Gabriel [mentioned], God/Chuck [mentioned], Sam and Dean Winchester [in flashback]. Too many FML. 

**********

Flashback 

One year earlier

Toledo, Ohio 

"So you sure you're not mad at her anymore?" Dean asks Paige. 

She sighs, "Yes Dean, I'm no longer mad at Kate". 

Sam, Dean, Paige and Kate are tracking down a nest of vampires in the Ohio woods. 

"Okay but from what Brent told me. You were very upset because she wanted out of this life" he tells her. 

She sighs again, "Yeah, yeah I know I was, but I got over it". 

10 feet behind them, Sam and Kate have their conversation on the whole "leaving the hunter life behind". 

"You know I wanted to stop hunting as well" Sam tells Kate. 

She looks up at her tall cousin, "Really?". 

He nods, "Yeah I went off to college at Stanford. Studying to be a lawyer". 

"What happened?!" she asks. 

"Our dad went missing, and Dean went by my dorm. I helped him out on one hunt then that night I went back to my room" he takes a deep breath, "Then the demon that killed our mom killed my girlfriend Jess". 

She looks up at him once more with sad eyes, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that" she tells him. 

He exhales, "It's fine. We were able to kill him". 

"What demon?" she asks. 

"Azazel. Yellow eyes" he tells her. 

She looks up at him again, "Azazel?. He killed our dad". 

Dean and Paige look back at them. 

"What happened?" Dean asks. 

"Paige the demon that killed dad, what was his name?!" she asks.

"Azazel" she responds. 

Kate scoffs, "What is up with that bastard killing our parents?!?"

"We're Winchesters" Dean replies, "That's what happens to us". 

*******

Trying to recover from her hallucination trip. Fucking Gabriel pushed her out. Forcing her ass to wake up. Dealing with the withdrawals of the Bliss.

The sun shining in her face, making her go blind for a brief moment. 

“It’s morning already?!” Kate thinks to herself. 

She stares off into space, staring up at the ceiling. “What the hell Gabe?!”. She gets startled by a knock at her bedroom door, followed by the knob jiggling.

“Kate!!” Paige calls out, “We got a lead on Joseph come down and we’ll talk about it”.

She gets out of bed, and looks in the mirror.

Her eyes aren’t as white as she thought they would be.

Unlocking her door, and going downstairs with the others.

Everyone including Rachel are sitting at the kitchen table.

“Okay so now that we’re all here” Paige says, “I finally got the lead on Joseph’s whereabouts”.

“So where could he be hiding out?!?” Cody asks.

“It could be anywhere in Hope County” Marty says.

“True!!” Paige says, pointing a pointer at them like she were a teacher, “But I got an exact location, and its pretty fucking obvious”. 

Waiting and already knowing of his whereabouts. They all just want to see Paige look like an idiot, or more like an idjit.

“Where is he hiding?!” Kenny asks in a smartass kind of way.

“His fucking church” she mutters angrily, “Please fucking kill me!!”.

Everyone stares at her as if she were a fucking dumbass.

“I could’ve fucking guess he was there!!!” Adrian yells.

“Well he wasn’t there before” Paige says in her defense, “He wasn’t anywhere near the statue. Or Teller Ranch which is a real location in a different part of Hope County that I didn’t even know existed!!”.

“So now what?!?” Mandy asks.

“Well we go there, we get him, and we fucking kill him” Paige answers as if it were a dumb question. 

“Is killing Joseph Seed really a necessary thing?!?” she asks.

Paige glares at her mother with furrowed eyebrows, “Is that a real, serious question?!. Of fucking course killing him is necessary”. 

“I mean we don’t have to kill him though. Maybe have him arrested? Maybe?” she says. 

Paige scoffs, “Mom I get you were the “Mother of Eden’s Gate” for a few months, but come fucking on. This man fucking tortures, and manipulates people. Rachel is a good fucking example of that”.

“You’re not going soft for this man are you Mandy?!” Kenny asks in a calm voice. 

“I feel like he needs to be protected” Mandy says, shrugging.

“Protected?!?! What the fuck?!?” Paige blurs out, “He doesn't need to be protected. If God, or Chuck wants Joseph to be protected he would’ve shown himself to him. Like he has with us in the past. Like he has with Sam and Dean”. 

Barbara steps in and defends Mandy, “Paige you shouldn’t talk to your mother like that. If she says Joseph needs to be protected then he needs to be protected”.

Paige sighs, and says “Barb I know you and my mom are close. But this man, he doesn’t deserve to be protected. Not by my mom, not by my family, not by his followers, and definitely not by Chuck”.

Barbara and Paige stare at each other for a moment, then Rachel clears her throat and speaks up. Everyone looks over at her. 

“Joseph, he may seem like a good person to his followers. But he’s a monster. I was afraid of him, and so was John. Jacob not so much. I’m still afraid of him. Joseph, he drugged, manipulated, and threatened me. I was only 17, he took advantage of me. He helped me find my purpose but I was still scared of him.”

Mandy speaks up, “Is that why you were always around me when I was The Mother?”

Rachel nods, “Yes because I felt safe around you. Joseph wouldn’t hurt you because you were The Mother. He wanted to keep you safe, protected and to guide us to New Eden”. 

“Mom did Joseph ever try to do anything harmful to you?” Kate asks, still recovering from the Bliss trip.

“No, he didn’t try to do anything that’ll cause me harm” she says, shaking her head.

Mark clears his throat, and awkwardly says “Very bad timing, but our families are coming over to live with us. They’ll be over around 1pm”. 

“Alright good, but where are they gonna stay?!?” Kate asks.

“Well my wife and kids can sleep in my room” Nate says, “Since the extra houses are still being put up”.

“My family can do the same” Mark says.

“My wife Brandi is gonna live with us as well” Cody adds.

“So is my wife” Adrian says as well.

“And my fiance as well” Martin says.

“Okay!!” Paige says loudly, “So we’re gonna have Nate, Ellen and your guys 3 kids, Mark, Dana and your guys 2 kids, Cody and Brandi, Martin and Megan, Adrian and Amanda. As well as Kenny, myself, Cristina and baby number 2. Rachel, Kate and the Seed spawn, mom, and Barb”. 

She lets out an exaggerated exhale after saying the names of all the people that are gonna live with them in the one huge soon to be 3 house.

“Are we gonna ignore the fact that we’re gonna have more people living here with small children. When we have a bunch of crazy Cultist fuckers running around and trying to kill us?!?” Kenny asking the real questions. 

They all exchange looks for a bit, and Paige speaks up.

“I mean Kenneth. We all hunt demons, ghosts and monsters for a living. We all have died at least 3-6 times at some point, and came back. Who wins? A bunch of human cultists? Or a bunch of demon boys with powers?”.

They all once again exchange looks. “She has a point, Kenny” Mark tells him. 

They all agree with Paige’s analogy. They’ve all died several times in their lives, were brought back and continued their lives as hunters. Them being hunters is how they all met. It’s how Paige and Kenneth met. It’s quite a romantic story. How they met. 

“Well, thank Chuck we’re putting up 2 more houses” Kenny chuckles. 

“Speaking of that!” Adrian speaks out, “We should get going with that”.

“Agree” Cody says, getting up from his seat. 

The guys all go upstairs and change into their construction gear. They spent the next several hours putting up the houses with the help of 8 Holland Valley locals.

******

1pm arrives, and the guys families, and significant others arrive.

They hug and greet each other. Catch up on life.

Introduce each other to their families. 

The children go, and explore the huge 11 bedroom house.

All of them sitting at the kitchen table. 

“How was the drive?” Paige asks Cody’s wife Brandi.

She groans, “Hell. Complete Hell”.

Paige laughs softly, “Sounds about right”.

“This house is huge!!!” Dana says, looking around.

“Yep, when Kenneth and I bought it last year after we got married. It had 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, the living room was 450 square feet I think. The kitchen was 450 as well, but with the dining room it’s 780 square feet. The backyard was 2 acres. After a few months we remodel the entire house. It took 7-9 months, we finished back in April of this year. We added 6 more bedrooms, 6 more bathrooms, the living room is now 690 square feet, we purchased 2 more acres of land, so we now have 4 acres of land. We have a bunker that I didn’t had until we’re half way through remodeling the house.”

“It’s huge!” Kate says, “The bunker. It has a full kitchen, a library, a medical room, I think like 10-12 rooms, 6 bathrooms. I think it was a hidden military bunker because we found a lot of Army paraphernalia, old weapons and shit. There’s beds, it’s all stocked up with canned foods, pasta, water, toilet paper and all that shit”.

“I really like the garage that leads down to the bunker” Mandy adds.

Paige says, “Oh yeah the garage we have has a secret entrance inside. That’s why we park our cars in the driveway because we often go down there. The floor lifts up and leads underground. Very Batman-like. My cousin Dean would be very jealous”. 

*****

Later that evening they all sit outside, and have dinner.

Mandy, Paige and Kenny made some burgers, fries and a bunch of other meats for them, and their guests. Celebrating the freedom from 2 of the 3 Seeds. Since Faith/Rachel has a change of heart and she’s proving everyday that she has. 

Kate invited Wheaty because she’s dating him, as well as all her friends Morgan, Alissa, Sarah, Ryan, Dylan, Kevin the twins Ivan and Isaiah. She really needed to get John off her damn mind and having all her friends around will help with that. 

Hoping they’ll give her some comfort. Paige also invited the Rye’s, Mary May, Pastor Jerome, Grace, Sharky, Hurk Jr, Eli, Tammy, and Jess Black. Amongst others.

Kate hugs Wheaty tightly, sinking into his arms, forgetting all about John, and actually listening to Gabriel’s advice. 

“I missed you” she says into his shoulder.

He chuckles, “I missed you too”, and kisses the side of her head. 

Everyone has a great time, eating, talking and either getting to know each other, or catching up. Paige and Jess finally caught and set up a day for them to go hunting. Seeing her goddaughter Cristina for the first time in several months.

Kate goes the rest of the evening not thinking about John, or even having any memories of him, or his existence in her life. Doing what her Guardian Archangel told her to do and forget about him. Thinking about the good things happening in life. 

The tiny human that's growing inside her, she’s with someone that makes her happy. She has her family, and friends. 

"So what do you wanna do on Halloween?" Wheaty asks her. 

Paige gives Kate a narrow eyed look, "Tell him" she nudges her sister's arm. 

She stumbles and tells him, "To, to uh. To be 100% honest Wheat, I don't like Halloween". 

He raises his eyebrows at her, "Really? I figured you would love Halloween!". 

Paige looks over at her little sister, "Kate tell him why you don't like Halloween!". 

She shakes her head, "Uhh no I don't want to". 

"I'll tell him if you don't" she playfully threatens. 

She groans, rolling her eyes, giving in to tell them "Okay fine!. One time when I was 11-12 before we were taken away from our mom. We were living in Louisiana at the time, and I was invited by one of my classmates to go to her Halloween party. She invited one of our classmates that I had a huge crush on". 

"It gets better!!" Paige interrupts, telling Sharky, Jess, Eli and Wheaty. 

Kate rolls her eyes, "Anyway. She had a bobbing for apples game thing, and I for some fucking reason wanted to impress that boy in my class. So I bobbed for the apples, but when I’m around someone I like, I tend to get a little queasy. When it was my turn, I went to grab an apple and I threw up in the water”. 

Paige bursts into laughter, while everyone at the table looks over at Kate either trying to hold back laughter, or gasping dramatically. Wheaty puts his arm around Kate as a sign of comfort, kissing the side of her head. 

“But wait!. It gets better!!’ she tells them, “Everyone saw that I threw up in the apple bucket. Some laughed, some gasp in shock. The boy that I liked saw everything, I went to run away, but I slipped, I stupidly grabbed the bucket and the water along with my vomit and the apples spilled all over me”. 

Paige continues to laugh hysterically. “What happened afterwards?!?” Sharky asks. 

“I ran out the house and hid in the woods behind her house until my mom came to pick me up”.  

Wheaty kisses the side of her head again, comforting her. 

“Ya know the same thing happened to me when I was a kid” Sharky tells her. 

“Really? What did you do?” she asks. 

“I don’t know. I don’t remember much from that” he tells her, and walks away to the other guests. 

“Anyway, we can still do something for Halloween. It doesn’t have to be Halloween related” Wheaty tells her. 

She’s hesitant about answering him. “C’mon Kate that was 10 years ago. Get over it!” Paige tells her. 

“Paige that was humiliating” she tells her, “It all happened in front of a guy I liked”.

“Well what if I told you we can hang out and it won’t involve bobbing for apples or any Halloween related games” he tells his girlfriend. 

“Come on Kate spend some time with your boyfriend” Morgan tells her, “Who cares if it's on Halloween”. 

“Just pretend it’s another day” Sarah tells her. 

She finally gives in after all her friends and sister convince her after 10 minutes “Okay we can do something for October 31st” she finally gives in and gives him an answer. 

“Don’t dress as a clown” Morgan tells them, “Kate hates clowns”.

“More like is afraid of clowns” Alissa adds. 

They all laugh and have a great night together. Celebrating their freedom from the Seeds with only 1 more to go. With the Winchesters around they’ll all be gone before Halloween. 

Joseph’s days are numbered. 

******

Later that night when all the guests leave and everyone goes to sleep, Paige and Kate are down stairs putting leftovers away. Once they're done, Paige goes upstairs to her bedroom.

“Welp I’m gonna get some shut eye” she tells her, “You coming up?”.

Kate who is distracted by her thoughts, snaps her head up to look at her sister, “Uhh yeah, yeah I’ll be up in a bit. I just need to do something first”. 

Once she leaves upstairs, Kate goes to the backdoor and steps outside into the backyard out into the cool Montana night. 

She walks 20 feet away from the house, far enough where the others won’t be able to hear her. Looks up into the sky, looking at the stars, moon, thick clouds covering the moon, the visible galaxies from Earth and prays. 

Taking a deep breath, “Hey Gabriel” she starts, “It’s me. Ya girl”. She lets out a short laugh before continuing. 

“I just. I just wanted to say” trying to keep her breath steady, “I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for getting me over John. For getting me out of Hell, protecting me from Lilith. Everything. I don’t. I don't think I ever thanked you for all that". 

The night goes completely silent, the crickets go silent, “If you can show me a sign that you heard me that would be great”.

She looks around the property to see if anything changed, she looks up at the moon and sees the clouds surrounding it disperse. Moving away from the glowing rock in the sky.

She chuckles softly to herself, looking up “Is that you?”. A shooting star flies past the moon confirming that her Archangel heard her and is giving her a sign that he heard everything she said. Followed by a cool gust of wind, making her hair dance in the breeze.

Smiling up at the sky, “You heard” she mutters and goes back inside the house. 

[whumphoarder]

Viral Wisdom

Summary: When Peter’s dentist decides the kid’s impacted wisdom teeth need to go, Tony offers to have the surgery done at the compound. Honestly, Peter is looking forward to it. After all, he’s seen the viral videos—he’s pretty sure he knows what to expect.

What could possibly go wrong?

Word count: 2700

Genre: Hurt/comfort, whump, minor surgery, fluff

A/N: Thanks to @sallyidss and @xxx-cat-xxx for beta reading!

Link to read on Ao3

“You’ve gotta video it, Mr. Stark,” Peter says between bites of the pizza he’s currently wolfing down as part of what he and Tony have jokingly dubbed ‘The Last Supper’. The kid will be getting all four of his wisdom teeth removed at eight o’clock sharp the next morning, and being a teenage boy with an absurdly fast enhanced metabolism means Peter has decided the twelve-hour mandatory fasting period before surgery will be the worst part of the whole procedure.

Tony raises his eyebrows in mock offense. “Oh I’ve gotta, do I?”

Peter grins. “Yup,” he says, popping the ‘p’. “It’s gonna be awesome. Ned’s cousin got hers out last December, and when she woke up she was so high from the anesthesia that she started accusing the dentist of stealing her teeth and selling them to the tooth fairy on the black market.” He sticks the last bite of his pizza slice in his mouth. “Her mom filmed it and the video went like, viral.”

“You know,” Tony remarks. “Hate to burst your bubble, kid, but I got my wisdom teeth out during my senior year at MIT and I don’t remember anything like this happening. Just a lot of eating applesauce and mashed potatoes while resembling Alvin the Chipmunk.”

“No, no it’s a thing,” Peter insists. “These videos are like, everywhere. I saw this one where this lady woke up and forgot she was married but suddenly noticed her wedding ring and started freaking out, thinking her husband had just proposed. But they had been married already for like, three years.”

Shaking his head, Tony huffs. “You are literally a superhero with a secret identity and you think it’s a good idea to get wildly high on medication and then have me film whatever crap comes out of your mouth so you can post it on, what, Facebook?”

“Ha, Facebook,” Peter snorts as he reaches for another slice. “Good one, Mr. Stark. No one uses Facebook anymore.”

X

The next morning, Peter’s not looking quite as excited as he was the previous night. He sits beside Tony in a plastic chair just inside the compound’s Medbay, anxiously texting back and forth with Ned as they wait for the SHIELD appointed oral surgeon and his assistant to finish prepping the procedure room.

When Peter’s dentist decided several weeks back that the impacted teeth had to go, Tony and May agreed it would have to be done at the compound. Peter’s enhanced physiology means that the dosage of anesthesia required to put him out could also take down a moderately-sized elephant. HIPAA protection or not, Tony would rather not have any raised eyebrows from standard medical professionals.

“You hanging in there?” Tony asks casually. The kid’s foot hasn’t stopped tapping once since they sat down and he’s wondering if Peter’s beginning to regret telling May he’d be fine doing this solo while she’s at work. “Ready to make, what is it then, Vine history?”

That remark elicits a short laugh from Peter. “Vine’s dead, Mr. Stark,” he informs. “It was the true tragedy of this generation.”

Tony sighs, exasperated. “Is it YouTube then? Reddit?”

Peter just shrugs. “Something like that.” His gaze lowers back to his lap and he fires off another text to Ned.

FRIDAY’s voice comes over the speakers, so sudden that it startles the kid and nearly causes him to drop the phone: “Dr. Jacobson is ready for you now, Peter.”

“Oh. Already? Wow, okay,” Peter babbles. “Not even 8:00 yet, no need to rush...” he complains as he pockets the phone.

Tony checks his watch. “It’s 7:58, kid,” he scoffs, getting to his feet. “Perks of being the only patient in the building.”

After a second’s hesitation, Peter stands as well and Tony frowns at the shakiness he observes. “You good?” he checks, lightly gripping the kid’s elbow just in case he decides to channel his inner Victorian lady. “I know your blood sugar’s gotta be low, but I promise, as soon as this is over, it’s all the ice cream and pudding you want.”

“Oh, yeah, that’ll be good,” Peter says half-heartedly.

Tony gives his back a little prod to encourage him toward the door. “C’mon kid. Let’s get a move on. Upward and onward and all that jazz...”

Swallowing hard, Peter begins shuffling forward with Tony guiding him along. “So, I’ve never, um, actually had anesthesia before,” he admits. “And, like, what if something… goes wrong?"

Tony softens, for the first time seeing the actual fear lurking beneath Peter’s façade. “Don’t worry—these guys know what they’re doing,” he assures, giving the kid’s shoulder a squeeze. “You’re gonna be fine.”

Lips pursed, Peter nods a few times. “Yeah. Yeah of course. Okay. I guess I’ll just, go on back there and, uh...“

“Do you want me to stay until they put you under?” Tony offers.

A look of relief instantly washes over Peter and he nods vigorously before stopping to quickly add in a tone of forced nonchalance, “But like, only if you don’t mind.”

Tony chuckles. “I think I can swing it.”

X

The IV placement is a little rough. Peter’s never been a fan of needles, but Tony distracts him by telling him to close his eyes and recite the second row of the periodic table. Once the saline is flowing, the assistant places an oxygen cannula under his nose.

Peter glances up at the dentist. “So, have you ever had someone say something, like, really inappropriate when they wake up?” he asks.

Jacobson chuckles drily. “Oh yes. I actually have a very amusing anecdote about that.”

Both Tony and Peter look at him expectantly, but the doctor just continues preparing his instruments.

“So, uh, what happened?” Peter asks finally.

Jacobson’s eyes narrow. “That is confidential information.”

Peter blinks at him. “Oh. Uh, of course.”

While the surgeon moves over to grab something from the counter, the assistant—a woman probably in her early thirties whose name badge reads ‘Megan’—gives a small laugh. “Don’t worry,” she says. “It can’t make you say anything you weren’t already thinking on some level.”

Peter gulps. “Great.” Turning to Tony, he says, “Uh, you know, on second thought, maybe we don’t need this on video…”

Tony huffs out a laugh. “Oh no, no take backs. In about an hour, you’ll be trending on Twitter. Or wherever the hell this is going.”

Before Peter can say anything, Megan gives a warning of, “Alright, here we go.” Then she injects the anesthesia into the IV port.

The effect is nearly instantaneous. “Whoa…” Peter mutters, shooting his mentor a nervous look. “Feels… weird.”

“You’re fine, Pete,” Tony promises. “I’ll be waiting right outside until you wake up.”

“Yeah…” he breathes out, eyelids drooping. “And ’s’goin’ on Instagram, Mr. Stark…”

A few moments later, the kid is out.

X

“Boss, the surgery is complete,” FRIDAY’s voice comes over the speakers in the waiting area. “The extractions went well. Peter has just regained consciousness and has been transferred to the recovery area.”

“Thanks, FRI.” Getting to his feet from the plastic chair, Tony closes out of the Minesweeper app on his phone and opens the camera one instead. “Guess it’s showtime…”

Already filming, Tony pushes open the door and makes his way back to the small room off to the side of the procedure area. Peter is sitting propped up on a cot as Megan drapes a blanket over him. Tightly rolled wads of cotton are sticking out of his mouth and his eyes are droopy and unfocused.

The assistant gives Tony a small smile. “He did great,” she assures in a quiet voice. “We’ll be right in the other room cleaning up if you need anything.”

“Thanks,” Tony tells her before turning his attention back to Peter and pulling up one of the stools to sit on. “Hey kid,” he greets. “How’s life with four gaping holes in your face?”

“Uhhh… M’s’r St’rk?” Peter manages to mumble, blinking a few times.

“The one and only,” Tony replies, his camera still trained on the kid. “Any dental conspiracy theories you wanna share with the audience? Declarations of affection you care to make?”

Peter’s face screws up into a weak sort of frown. “Wha…?”

Tony shakes his head slowly, chuckling to himself. “See, what’d I tell you, kid? Anesthesia just isn’t that exciting.”

“Uhhgg…” Peter groans, blinking again. The kid’s expression of utter confusion coupled with his already swelling cheeks is honestly adorable. “I-I don’t… I feel weird, I…”

Smirking, Tony focuses the camera a little closer on Peter’s face, ready to film whatever drug-induced ramblings pour forth from the kid’s lips.

But then all of a sudden, he’s watching tears well up in Peter’s eyes.

Tony’s grin falters. “Pete?”

“Oh god…” Peter draws in a shuddering breath, which comes back out in a choked sob. “I-I didn’... I can’t… I don’ like this...”

All traces of humor immediately dissolve from Tony. “Whoa, hey, you’re alright,” he says. As Peter continues to cry, Tony turns off the camera and shoves the phone back into his jacket pocket. Scooting closer to the bed, he takes the kid’s hand. “You’re fine, you’re okay.”

“I-I don’ feel... I, uh...” Peter chokes out between sobs. A bloody wad of cotton falls out of his mouth, which only causes him to cry harder. “Wh-Why ’m I bleedin’?” he cries.

“You just had a few teeth out, no biggie,” Tony assures. He grabs a fresh cotton roll from the table and sticks it in the kid’s mouth. “You’re fine, bud, I promise.”

Still crying, Peter manages to spit out, “Am I... is this… real?”

Tony’s heart clenches, going back to Titan, back to Peter being trapped for five years in some kind of altered state of consciousness. He’s kicking himself for not having realized sooner that something like this might freak him out.

“Ah, kid…” Tony sighs. “Yes, this is real. You’re real. You’re right here with me,” he promises, rubbing his hand up and down over the kid’s arm.

Suddenly Peter’s breath hitches in his throat. “‘m gonna throw up,” he chokes out.

The warning is immediately followed by an unproductive gag. Tony mutters a curse, jumping up and grabbing a plastic emesis basin from the counter. He barely manages to get it under Peter’s chin before the kid makes good on his threat.

“Hey, hey, easy, easy...” Tony says, switching to hold the bin with one hand and place the other on Peter’s back. He winces in sympathy at the bloody cotton and red-tinged strings of bile Peter is spitting out between sobs; he can only imagine how much that has to hurt. “FRIDAY, can you get the doc back in here?” he asks in a low voice.

Pulling in a shuddering breath, Peter glances up from the basin, eyes wide and fearful. “I th-threw up b-blood,” he whimpers, horrified. “...’m I dyin’?”

Aw fuck. “No, no of course not. It’s just from your mouth,” Tony explains, much more calmly than he feels.

The door reopens and Megan is the first to enter. She gives Peter a sympathetic smile as she steps into the room. The surgeon appears a few steps behind, looking totally unfazed by the teary, vomiting teen in the chair before him.

“Ah,” he says with a nod. His tone is factual, though not unkind. “We have a crier.”

“This just happens sometimes, nothing to worry about,” Megan quickly assures. She takes the bin from Tony and hands him an empty one before carefully wiping the tears and vomit off Peter’s face with a paper towel. “Anesthesia can have all kinds of different effects on people.”

Jacobson hums in agreement as he checks Peter’s mouth to ensure his stitches are still holding before giving him fresh gauze to stem the bleeding. The tears have stopped now and embarrassment seems to be rapidly replacing fear as the kid’s primary emotion. Unsure of what else to do, Tony just continues rubbing Peter’s back.

“Everything looks fine,” Jacobson concludes after a moment of looking him over. “You can take him back upstairs now. He’ll probably feel calmer once he’s in a familiar setting.”

Tony doesn’t need to be told twice. “Sounds good,” he says, grabbing the paper Megan hands him with the discharge instructions as he helps Peter to his feet. “Alright bud,” he says quietly. “Let’s blow this popsicle stand.”

X

After getting Peter situated on the couch in the common area, Tony heads to the kitchen and returns with a tray of soft food selections to offer the kid.

“What are you feeling?” he asks, pointing to each food in turn. “Yogurt? Ice cream? Applesauce? Pudding?”

Peter blinks twice at him. “...Butterscotch puddin’?” he asks hopefully.

Tony scoffs. “No, because I’m not eighty. I’ve got chocolate or vanilla.”

“Oh.” Peter’s face falls. “Don’ want anythin’ then…”

“Nope, not an option,” Tony declares. “You have to take your super spidey-kid painkillers soon and I don’t want them to make you sick.”

“But I ‘ready got sick…” Peter moans.

“And it wasn’t fun, was it?” Tony reasons. “Which is why we’re trying to avoid that.”

“But ‘m not hungry…” Peter whines, turning his head away from his mentor to face the cushion, causing the ice pack to side down from his cheek. “Jus’ wanna sleep…”

Tony peels the lid off one of the vanilla pudding cups and scoops up a spoonful. “C’mon, Pete.” He says, holding it in front of the kid’s closed mouth. “You’re not gonna make me do the airplane thing, are you? Because I will definitely be filming that.”

“Uhhh… no...” Peter groans, finally taking the spoon from him. “No more internet…”

X

It’s been several hours now since Tony managed to bully the kid into choking down enough pudding to take his meds before letting him fall asleep. Aside from the obvious swelling, Peter’s looking far better for having had the nap.

“How are you feeling now?” Tony asks, handing Peter a fresh ice pack.

Peter accepts it from him and presses it to his comically large cheek. “Mortified,” he mumbles. “This is so not going on Instagram…”

Tony huffs out a laugh. “I don’t know, maybe it should. Like a PSA of sorts for all the kids out there looking to be the next viral sensation.”

“Wonderful,” Peter mutters, rolling his eyes.

Tony pats him on the shoulder. “You know, while you were out, I was looking up some of those videos you mentioned. I see the attraction. Did you watch the one where the black med student called pickled eggs a ‘hood snack’?”

Peter nods.

“Or the red-haired teenager who woke up thinking he was a gangster in Dubai?” Tony goes on.

“Classic,” Peter mutters.

“Or the girl who wanted to go swimming in the painting on the office wall so she could see the fishes?”

Peter waves a hand dismissively. “Yeah, yeah…”

“I’m telling you kid, I think there’s a market here…”

X

It’s two days later that Tony finally breaks down and shows the kid the video Rhodey took of him back in ‘87, burned directly off the VHS into FRIDAY’s archives:

A teenage Tony Stark sits on the floor of his dorm room, slumped against a twin-sized mattress. His cheeks are swollen to twice their usual size and drool is running down his chin onto the graph paper notebook he’s scribbling feverishly into.

“Tony, you gotta eat something so you can take your meds, dude,” Rhodey’s voice comes over the recording from off-screen.

“Go ‘way…” Tony groans, waving him off irritably. “‘m busy solvin’ th’… prob’em…”

Rhodey breathes out a heavy sigh. “Okay, for the last time, you can’t ‘solve’ the second law of thermodynamics.” He pauses for a beat. “Especially with a purple crayon.”

Tony looks up at him, eyes unfocused, and gives an almost evil grin. “Maybe you can’t but… I’m… ‘m’ really smart…” He blinks twice, then giggles. “m’ Tony Fuckin’ Stark…”

“Yeah, yeah, and Tony Fucking Stark needs to take his meds...” Rhodey mutters. “So what’s it gonna be, dude? Yogurt or applesauce?”

Tony’s face screws up in apparent thought before he mumbles, “A cheese’urger,” he decides. “Then I solve… gravity.”

Fic Masterlist

For more soft Irondad fics, try:

Dad Level: 3000

You Broke Tony

Sweet Potatoes & Stitches

[zukofenty]

just my luck

➜ Summary: The one where Katara whisks away her picture-perfect life the night she kisses a stranger with the worst luck in the world.

“I lost all my good luck!” Katara screams. “Everything I touch turns to shit!” 

“I mean, have you considered fucking a leprechaun?”

➜ Genre: Modern!AU, Journalist!Katara, Girl group manager!Zuko, Music Producer!Zuko

AO3, @zutaraweek

“I am too pretty to be punched!” Katara yelps, ducking and clenching the holding cell’s bars until her knuckles turn white. 

  “And I thought I was too pretty to commit tax fraud, but here we are.” Ty Lee rolls her eyes. “That’s just how the pussy crumbles.” 

  “First, you need a gynecologist. Second, I think the saying goes ‘that’s how the cookie—’” Nothing in life could have prepared Katara for the tiny girl to deliver a resounding punch that has her head rattling against the jail cell. 

  “I lost all my good luck!” Katara screams. “Everything I touch turns to shit!” 

  “I mean, have you considered fucking a leprechaun?” 

  Katara sighs, still recovering from the intense nosebleed Ty Lee bestowed on her. “Where the fuck would I even find a leprechaun?” She promptly shoves wads of tissues up her nostrils. Of course, the next one she reaches for actually had a spider in it, and she thinks killing herself just might be easier on her soul at this point. 

  “Just say you like Megan Thee Stallion and all of a sudden all the men under 5’7” start giving you a 5’11” attitude. Easy peasy.” 

  She’d managed to limp her way back to Suki and Toph’s apartment from prison, after getting a call that her apartment had flooded, destroying everything in it. Only her apartment. She was barely holding on to her broken YSL pump in one hand and her pride in the other. Emphasis on limp , because while calling taxis to instantly stop for her was always her thing , now she was nothing but an ant (in head-to-toe Prada) on their radar. If they do stop, the taxi either gets snatched up by someone else, or the drivers tell her, not so kindly, to eat a dick. 

  Nevertheless, she’s still determined to have a positive day, walking and humming a Rihanna song to try and calm her nerves. But, because this day was sent by Satan himself (Jeff Bezos), she was drenched, face to booty to toes, in drain water by the seemingly hundreds of Uber Eats whizzing by, trying to get someone’s Buffalo Wild Wings order to them quickly. 

  “I can’t believe you guys actually think all that stuff’s real!” Suki scoffs, diligently painting her toenails a pretty pastel purple and not giving any mind to the conversation. 

  “Tell me, how would you explain this bitch’s life?” Toph points an accusatory finger in Katara’s way. “Katara has been living life as the main character. For fuck’s sake, you won prom queen five years in a row at Ba Sing Se High!” 

  “A lot of people win prom queen—” 

  “We went to Omashu High!” Toph adds with frustration. “You even won the year after you graduated!” 

  Toph and Suki could never quite wrap their heads around Katara’s life. 

  For as long as they knew her, she was always the luckiest girl in the world. 

  At seemingly every turn, the girl had all the luck in the world on her side. I mean, just the other day she was accidentally delivered Rihanna’s dry cleaning, because of course she lives in the same fucking building as Rihanna, the goddess herself. See, Katara was the type of person with the luck to manage to find an upscale apartment on their shitty salary in the city for nearly half of what Suki and Toph were paying to sleep next to inbred cockroaches. 

  “Bitch, you do not have the range for that.” Toph snatches the dress away before Suki or Katara could make a face and whimper a soft ‘gimmie gimmie’ that surprisingly always worked.  

  “I might not, but at least we could clone Rihanna now.” 

  Toph pauses. “Say what?” 

  “I’m getting the girls and gays that album, no matter what.” 

  Katara went to return the dress after getting in a helicopter with her date of the night, People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive, Haru (before the mustache). On top of all that madness, she said Rihanna, in the shimmery, Fenty Beauty Body Lava coated flesh, even complimented her makeup. Suki almost shit herself when Katara was added to the Fenty Savage PR list. 

  Katara would walk outside and the clouds seemed to part as if on her command. She could wear all-white in the city without a bird unloading one on her shoulder, or one of those guys on the street flicking feces in a pudding cup her way. Jammed streets or congested traffic never ceased her from being ten minutes early to every meeting, event, or even accidental movie set she walked on and got cast as an extra instantly. The lead actor, Academy Award winning Bolin, is still sending her detailed DMs about the various ways he would harvest her toenails because it reminded him of her. 

  And you know those Airpods or laptop scams that go around on social media you have to train your grandparents not to click on? Or those princes that email you promising to marry you after you send them your banking information? Guess which bitch manages to actually win over a prince’s heart and his inheritance? 

  Katara had the universe wrapped around her finger, and it didn’t seem to mind bending to her will. 

  Fresh out of college, after much clawing and fighting and miraculously switching coats with an editor at a restaurant, Katara managed to snag a job at Nyla magazine and secured spots for her best friends, too. They’d been reading the entertainment magazine before they could even process solid food. While they were all saddled with a mailroom job, Katara’s quote unquote irresistible charm had landed her as a scribe to record meetings when their original conveniently broke a nail. 

  Of fucking course, the day their entire team is stuck in a broken elevator is the day the CEO of White Lotus Records was coming into the office to discuss Nyla ’s next cover star. 

  Their next big thing, teen singer, Song was still hesitant to work with a magazine aimed at young adults with unhealthy coping mechanisms, compared to the J14s and Tiger Beats with the foldable poster at the back you could steal if you were quick enough at Walgreens. 

  “ Young lady.” Ugh, why do old men always sound so fucking condescending? You know how easy it is to push an old person? “You know how much dough I make so I can regularly spend it on drugs? Every minute of my time is worth $964.” While Piandao gets up for his assistants to put on his fur coat, Katara slams her hand on the table. 

  “I promise you this cover story will be worth every minute of your time. I’ll even pay you $965 at the end of my presentation if you hate it.” 

  And who could say no to that sweet (and scary) face? 

  When editor-in-chief June waddles back, glazed with sweat after someone farted their entire Del Taco Thursday three chicken soft tacos for $2.49 deal in her face , their cover story was booked. The carnival themed, masquerade party to celebrate Song’s new cover was already scheduled in Google Calendar. Soon enough, Katara was handed her own office, Tesla, and platinum corporate card to start planning the entire event. 

  Everything was going fine . There were acrobats doing flying yoga in the sky, a fortune teller she hired at the last minute that everyone loved. Music was playing, people were dancing without a care in the world, and everyone was having a good fucking time. She even snagged her bitchy boss a date with her hot neighbor, and her Painted Lady costume was designed by Vera Wang herself. By the end of the night, her brain was scrambled from the paperwork and yelling and pen marks all on her hand. Yet, with her luck, she still managed to kiss the cute guy who asked her to dance. 

  Well, at least she knew he felt and smelled like a cute guy, considering half his face was covered by a mask. 

  He was a bumbling thing, managing to stomp on her feet a few times even when she reassures him at the end of the day. Despite being all broad shoulders and muscles, he seemed to shrink in on himself at that moment.  “I’m really, really bad at dancing.” She gave him a weird look and Zuko had to remember that he had stolen a backup dancer named Lee’s gig for the night to sneak into the event.  

  Katara rolls her eyes. Dancing, much like nearly everything else, always came easy to her. “So what if you gave a girl a black eye and another guy a concussion?” Her laugh is so pretty and her waist between his warm fingers just felt right. 

  He lets himself laugh, too. Wrapped up in the girl’s spell. Forgetting any thought of trying to win over the White Lotus CEO. 

  She leaned in first, and he was more than happy to reciprocate. Zuko didn’t have time for impulsive decisions, not when the universe was actively always trying to kill him. For some reason, he couldn’t help but be drawn in. Her soft lips against his felt like a plush dream, and all he didn’t want to wake up to reality. Not when in that moment, there were sparks and blood rushing to his head and soft skin peeking out of her expensive dress he wanted to discover more of. 

  One minute, Katara was throwing back a margarita in case she had dumb bitch breath that caused her mystery man ran off. The next, she was choking to death, only spitting out the olive on Suki’s face after Toph delivers a quick punch to her sternum, right between the titties. 

  “Eenie meenie miney mo, catch a stupid whore by her throat!” 

  “Stop choking me, June!”

  “No!” June screeches. How was Katara supposed to know she accidentally set her boss up with the ‘ King Kuei ’? The FBI’s most wanted illegal animal trader by day, male prostitute by night? And who knew that would land her a night in jail? 

  “The universe is a stupid fucking whore!” Katara sniffs, still trying to detangle the chunk of hair embedded deep into Suki’s blow dryer. Katara managed to not only break a mirror with the blow dryer in her mere ten minutes in Suki and Toph’s place, but also rip out a section of her hair after throwing said blow dryer in their bathtub which promptly caught on fire. The icing on the dog shit cake of the day was when she managed to cause the building’s power to short circuit, shutting off everyone’s lights.

  //

  The universe, for the first time in his life, was finally on Zuko’s side. 

  For as long as Zuko could remember, rain clouds suddenly appeared when he walked outside, even despite what Alexa told him earlier that morning. 

  “Alexa, what’s the weather like today?” 

  “Completely sunny with a chance of naive bitch,” the smart speaker might as well have said. 

  Zuko was sure of four things in life. 

  Adderall and 7 up were never a good combination 

Alexa was always watching for an opportunity to strike fear in his heart

He could never catch a fucking break

Having a waterpark poncho always on hand never hurt

  He heard from his Uncle Iroh his family was perpetually cursed. Something about a fame-hungry witch with the last name Kardashian in the past life, and one of his relatives eating said witch’s ass that inflicted the present day curse on his family.

  Everyone he knew was impossibly clumsy. Random flooding accidents, cars always running into you, bugs trying to get their fuck on in your ear. It was like the universe said yeet! On their good fortune.

  What does he wish for every year on his birthday? For it to be easy just to be him . To be easily liked, like Adele, or Dippin Dots. He wished life could be easy enough for him to take a shit without the toilet bowl accidentally caving in, or a lightbulb somehow always falling on his good eye.

  Zuko had always been relatively clumsy, worse than what Iroh’s seen before. After so many years of being shit-out-of-luck, and having literal shit on you at all times, he was used to being alone. 

  It stopped stinging a few years ago. Besides, he had his half-sister Kiyi to keep him company these days. 

  Nobody wanted to be around the guy who constantly smells like dog shit because he always manages to find a shit covered dollar bill flowing down the street. No one wanted to be associated with the guy who, without fail, splits his pants open every time he bends down.  Saddling him with yet another public indecency charge. 

  Like clockwork, at least two times a week, he was getting his face shoved into the concrete and handcuffs slapped on him. He started investing in a mouth guard about five years ago.

  It was like a safety hazard, just being him. There were so many times you could get struck by lightning before you were banned by the nation from buying umbrellas. 

  Predictably, he has been rejected from every job he applied to. His laptop has been hacked by so many Hentai porn bots he doesn’t even bother upgrading his Dell from 2013. He even started a conversation with the guy monitoring his keystrokes. Landlords chucked his application out the window before he could even give them his soul and a deposit, and while the doctors didn’t think he’d do it, he found out that yes you can survive being hit after someone throws a piano out their window while you leave the leasing office. 

  Sure, he came to the city with dreams of making it big, loving music since his mom taught him the difference between a treble and bass clef. But when he’s always accidentally setting his tsungi horn on fire? Breaking his nose open trying to put resin on his violin’s bow? Somehow getting a reed stuck in his throat and his sphincter (on the same day)? No chance in hell was anyone willing to risk their lives to let him play anything on stage. 

  So he stuck to writing and producing, watching YouTube tutorial after tutorial to learn mixing, because he thinks it’s safer for everyone involved. 

  “Zuko, someone tried shoving Nutella up their ass and shat it back over the bathroom.” He looks up from his laptop to see a plunger too close for comfort near his face. 

  “Why?” 

  “Some weird sex thing! I don’t fucking know.” Jet points to the elderly couple nearby. “You ask them why!”

  Zuko takes a deep breath in. “No, I’m asking ‘why?’ because my shift doesn’t start for another two hours.” 

  He was a janitor at the bowling alley across the street (it was the only place that would hire him, but he thinks they felt bad for him after he ugly cried and ate out their supply of shitty, frozen curly fries). 

  “You know I love you, Zuko! But these!” Jet cups Zuko’s chest with two, oddly gentle, hands.  “Make our alley’s world go round.” He even gives them a squeeze for emphasis. 

  “Let go of my man titties,” Zuko glares at Jet. “ Now .” 

  “You’re the breast.” 

  Zuko’s eye twitches. 

  It wasn’t all bad. After all, the alley does let him make music in his free time, and the girl group he was “managing” can perform their sets on Fridays. 

  “We’re firing you!” Mai pokes at his chest and has him readjusting his glasses from the force. 

  It was a Monday and his week was starting off better than most. He was scraping green colored poop from the walls and was already being threatened at 9 a.m. without any weapons in sight. 

  “You don’t pay me!” He points out, which only seems to get everyone in the room angrier. His sister and her friends formed Shooters 4 Rihanna when they were pre-teens. They wanted to be a group trying to make it big in the pop scene, and quickly signed to a record label together. The girls were promised all their years of childhood training would pay off when they would debut as young adults. That was, until their CEO was broadcast on TLC’s My Strange Addiction for his habit of collecting Mark Ruffalo’s nose hairs, and confessed to killing someone for it. 

  Investors weren’t too happy. 

  While all the girls could see was repressed childhood trauma, Zuko saw that and potential star power. 

  Every single member already had years of dancing and singing lessons under their belt. They could play their own instruments, write their own songs, and had the stage presence. A few Twitter DMs later (from his multiple accounts, because they thought his profile picture made him look like a fucking creep and blocked him years ago) they were dumb enough to trust him with their future. He’d been trying to get them signed for months to no avail. Somehow fucking up, or electrocuting himself in the process of showing an executive their new single. 

  “This was a mistake!” Jin shoveled the curly fries in her face. 

  While Yue was always one to stay positive, her sad ‘ I miss pickled fish ,’ had the rest of the girls wanting to leave, too. Going back home, just give up seemed sensible. Why waste your prime years on a pipe dream?   

  He stopped them, plunger in hand. Against all logic, and partially because they could smell the desperation, the girls gave him one week . 

  One masquerade party later, he managed to throw Piandao out of harm’s way, taking the brunt of the taxi running into him. 

  “ Are you fucking stupid !” The CEO screams. The boy had blood flowing from his scalp, but looked as alive as ever handing over Shooters 4 Rihanna’s demo CD. 

  “A little.” Zuko admits. He could feel his bones still intact, and judging by the blood it wasn’t anything serious. Piandao gives him a call the next day after listening to the tape. 

  By some miracle, or Kardashian curse lifting, the girl group and him were shuffled into the city’s upscale penthouses, and their debut single was slated to be released on the radio the next day.

  While he headed for lunch at a nearby cafe (one he couldn’t afford to eat at just last week) he can’t help but notice her . 

  //

  “Ma’am, I have already told you our restaurant’s motto! No eat, no shit!” The waiter glares down at her. “Either pay up or get out, broke bitch.” 

  Katara was caked head to toe in mud, tissues shoved yet again up her nose. Haru had invited her out to his dad’s art show the night before. After insulting the literal piece of shit art, she tripped over the clump of clay on display and landed face-first in his million dollar creation. 

  Of course, it would land her in prison, and of course Ty Lee would be there, too. “Move bitch, I’m gay! ” When Katara was too exhausted to budge, the girl, yet again, socked the shit out of her. 

  Katara just wanted a plate of steaming breakfast foods, but of course all her cards declined. And of course, she has a meltdown because she was fucking tired, hungry, and was about to throw hands.

  She grabbed the salt shaker. “Look, I’m just going to try one thing before I go!” 

  “It’s the bath salts,” she hears one woman whisper. “Those fashion bitches are always on bath salts.” 

  “Just smile politely. We’re witnessing mental illness.” 

  She didn’t expect that throwing salt over her shoulder would land in the waiter’s eye, or cause him to collapse on the table of Mormons nearby. Or something to catch on fire, or someone to get stabbed with a fork with a pancake on it. 

  She certainly didn’t expect a (cute) stranger to be so gentle with her, helping her escape the madness and handing over his turkey on rye. Or him following her as she tried to save face and sit on a random bench away from any nearby birds’ tiny assholes. 

  “You look sad.” He’s not mocking in the slightest.

  “What does that even mean?” She went from sad to affronted in just a second. 

  “What’s wrong?” Fuck this guy and those eyes that were so damn enchanting . 

  “I don’t look sad.” She says with the roll of her eyes. “I am fucking sad.” She was blackballed from every newspaper in the Four Nations, the prince she was talking to did indeed end up stealing her savings, and on top of all of that, her undereye concealer was creasing. 

  “You!” Katara points her finger in the fortuneteller’s face. 

  “Me?” Aunt Wu looks beyond irritated. “Look, I can’t predict when you’ll get a fat ass, just buy a resistance band and leave me—”

  “You’re the one who told me whatever Wheel of Fortune would spin back on me! And Alex Tribek would take away my good luck or something!” Katara was crazed and running on two hours of sleep, but she had a bone to pick. “My perfect life is gone.” 

  “Wow, that was a lot to unpack.” Aunt Wu locks her shop’s door. “Look, can you think of anything strange that happened that night?” 

  “Besides someone telling me to make them toilet wine in prison, no I don’t think so!” Katara grunts out petulantly. 

  Aunt Wu smacks her with a stack of tarot cards. “No! Jesus! What else happened?” 

  “Can’t you just tell me? Childhood trauma has really fucked with my memory.” 

  “You kissed someone, didn’t you?” The fortuneteller scurries to her Kia Soul before Katara could retaliate. “Maybe he needed that luck more than you do!” 

  She tried kissing every single dancer that was working that stupid party, and came up with nothing but mono and the feeling of defeat.

  “Did you know, I even fucking sharted myself today!” She smacks her forehead repeatedly. “At twenty-fucking-three! How fucking embarrassing . All I could do is run to the H&M with my cheeks out to buy a pair of sweatpants.” 

  “I know a job looking for someone,” he says and even when he’s staring at her with nothing but understanding, she’s still apprehensive.  

  “Don’t care, didn’t ask, plus you’re a colonizer.” If she had any energy she would’ve put more force into the shove. “Why are you even helping me?” 

  She looked like shit on a dick and he was just smiling at her. “Let’s say, I just know what it’s like to be SOL.” 

  “What’s the catch?” She stares at him down and pouts. He’s wearing an Armani shirt with an Off-White belt, which was already offending her senses, but on top of that he dared pair the atrocity with a pair of knock-off Converse. He couldn’t have sprung for a real pair, he just had  to get the off-brand from Costco that made everyone’s ankles look like cankles. 

  New money . “I am not letting anyone suck my toes for money, again. Try a different girl.” 

  Zuko grows positively red, but at least it brings the ghost of a smile to her face. “No toe sucking. Only on Wednesdays.” 

  She delivers a well-aimed kick to his crotch. While she’d expect him heaving and puffing, he’s unphased. He’d put on his MMA fighter grade, groin protector out of habit, even though he’s getting kicked a lot less in the ball bags lately. 

  “So, you’re trying to convert me to Scientology?” Katara scoffs. “I’ll pass, Asian Tom Cruise.”

  “Not that either.” He sees the defeated look in her eyes, the same one he’s seen in himself. There’s a spark there, though. A willingness to just keep going. Something he lost years ago. “Trust me.” 

  “No.” 

  “All good.” He shrugs. “Can I at least help you up?” Before she could bite back, she turned to the spot on the bench where he was pointing.

  Wet paint. 

  He’s taking her mustard covered hands (the sandwich exploded in the foil) in his soft ones without question, and peeling her off the bench. 

  “Of fucking course,” she huffs. 

  //

  She thinks he knows. He knows the fact that she wants him sticking around. Even with her adamant protests against it, he’s persistent. 

  Stopping by after long days at the studio to her shit job, handful of first aid supplies at the ready.  

  He’s just always there . 

  He’s there when she’s scraping gum from under the alley’s tables and almost swallows one that had “Live, Laugh, Love” carved into it. He quickly stops her from choking, practically an expert at the heimlich with how many times he’s almost died from drinking boba. 

  There when she electrocutes herself changing the alley’s light bulbs to catch her as she falls straight off the ladder. He’s not even phased, pushing a fried piece of hair sticking up the heavens and staring at her as though she squirted cupcake frosting from her nipples. 

  He’s there with his first-aid messenger bag, all duct taped and falling apart and it makes her want to say sorry to Alexander Wang for daring to wear it with his Spring 2019 boots after Zuko forces her to carry it around. But then he’s pulling out a tube of toothpaste from the bag while she’s cooling her burnt fingertips on a 10 year old Yerba Mate can, and she’s reminded why he’s so firm about it. 

  “Earth Nation trick to heal burnt skin.” He’s too concentrated on rubbing the paste into her flaming skin to notice her staring. She remembers that he included her favorite Fenty gloss in the bag after handing it off to her, and blushes. 

  “I don’t need your help, you know.”  Katara was always the one fighting for her own dreams. She didn’t want to stick back living the life other people imagined for her. Even all the luck in the world couldn’t help her escape a sleepy town or an unsupportive family. 

  When they came to the city, she knew her friends let her take care of them on purpose. It was second nature, what she grew up on. She’d always been the one looking out for everyone, even if they didn’t ask, and they let her do it because they all needed a coping mechanism. Toph’s is cake cutting videos, Suki’s is practicing her crying face because she always wanted to be a pretty crier, and Katara’s is being overbearing. 

  She was confused. As many times as she tried drilling through his thick head that her grandma was a nurse, that she could easily wrap up every cut, bruise, and swollen toe, he never budged. For the first time in a while, someone was there, stubbornly making sure she was okay. 

  “I know?” He says it as though it was obvious. “I’ll make you a deal, though. Just let me help you out, just this one time?” He gently taps her fingers wrapped in Minion bandaids he got her just because he knew she hated them in public, loved them in private. “I won’t do it again.” 

  He’s teasing and it’s obvious he knows she’s putty in his hands. Though, his newfound look (she helped with) balancing boy-next-door with heartthrob is not working on her heart. Her pussy, sure. Not her heart, though. She swears. 

  “That’s what you said last time,” Katara protests, without any energy behind it. 

  He sends her a lopsided smile. “I know.” 

  Zuko wasn’t about to let any hair on her pretty head get hurt. 

  While Kiyi already had enough of a bad case of bad luck, considering all the Power Ranger figurines she had super glued to her face by fourth grade boys, Katara’s was just something else. 

  It reminded him of him . Whatever stroke of good luck he had, he knew the universe takes in ten-fold what it might give. So he’s taking advantage of every bit of luck he has for a girl without any. 

  While he’s been stabbed many a time walking back home at night, somehow he’s in the clear when he escorts Katara back to her apartment. Or the times he buys her Water Tribe take out because she’s still figuring out how that prince managed to spend $10,000 on Swampbender diet pills. Or when he sneaks in before her shift to do some of her tasks for the day (he still has the keys), so he doesn’t have to worry about her bruising her pubic bone with the vacuum, or breaking the ceiling with a slippery bowling ball. 

  He wasn’t all used to his new life. The designer shoes, the fancy parties, the attention . Girls in the past would look at him as though he wasn’t more than shit at the bottom of their Jimmy Choo, but his good luck brought this newfound female attention that was exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time. Especially when, all he wanted was to catch her eye. 

  She was his good luck charm and didn’t even know it. 

  Since he’s met her, everything just was going right . She brought Toph over with her guitar to string together a few verses the day they were in desperate need of new lyrics to go with the beat he’s spent the last few nights cranking out. The day after they released it on Apple Music, the song went #1 on Billboard. Piandao had even booked them to play the Hard Boulder Cafe for their first performance, and tickets were sold out. 

  Even when things just seemed to get better and better for him, the universe doubled down in its punishment for her. 

  He’s there when she’s walking back from work, drenched to the bone because she missed all trains for the day, a taxi said her face looked stupid, and she was just tired of it all and wanted to go home and eat processed frozen food and die. 

  Zuko’s there, though. Without fail.

  He’s there with his fucking Tesla and personal driver and Chanel top and she couldn’t be any more embarassed. 

  “Get in!” He hesitates before approaching. “Also, maybe let’s put down the umbrella?” It was inverted anyways, and looked three seconds from whisking her away into the storm. 

  “No, I’m good!” Katara insists. She was afraid that falling for Zuko, going to bed and waking up thinking of him was messing with her brain and she didn’t know if she wanted it to stop. 

  “You could get hit by lightning.” 

  “That can’t—” She ponders it for a second. “You know what, fuck you.” 

  He throws his expensive jacket over her to quell the shivers, and when she protests, seeing as it was a Valentino Lacquered Nylon Jacket, he bundles her even deeper in the thing, buttoning it up until she’s complaining from the warmth.  

  “You’re laughing at me.” She pouts.

  He’s covered completely in bubbles. Not her fault he decided to strip off his shirt to throw in the cycle with her wet clothes, and she got distracted by the abs and dumped the whole bottle of laundry detergent in the washing machine. 

  Zuko shoves her face into a pile of the suds. “I am, yeah.” She looks upset and he stops the mirth growing on his face. Reaching out to her, instead. “Katara, I’m sorry did I—” 

  She might’ve leaned out to accept his embrace, but then she’s flipping them over, pinning him down to the floor. Her warm, still soaking wet body, pressed against him and her arms coming out to pin his hands to the ground. 

  He gulps. 

  “This would be more fun if you let me peg you afterwards.” 

  Her laugh vibrates her whole body and he couldn’t help joining in, too. 

  He let her have her pick of his dress shirts, and she looked so much at home. Little strands of her bangs framing her face and growing curly with the addition of water. Her brow furrows when she mentions her leave-in conditioner washing away with the suds, and he takes advantage of the momentary distraction. Flipping her and placing two hands at the sides of her head. 

  She knows he’s covered in the bubbles, just so she wouldn’t feel anymore of a stupid bitch than she already does. He never seems to mind it, even when Katara was frustrated and just couldn’t figure out why all this was happening to her and dragging him into every single accident. 

  “What would you say to the universe, right now?” She’s curled up on his couch and he’s massaging the balls of her feet she presses in his lap. 

  “Welcome to your tape.” 

  “Katara, no.” 

  “That bridge off of Fourth Street? Looking really easy to jump off of right about now, universe.” 

  He lets her take his bed that night after he cooked up his famous komodo chicken and both Kiyi and her complain about having a food-baby.

  “Hey, Katara.” He whispers while her eyes could barely open. He tucked her in those blankets all ethnic people have, the super fluffy ones with a tiger on them that are always wrapped in a plastic bag.  “You’re cute.” 

  “Yeah?” She breathes out, crinkling her nose and blinking those long lashes and making his heart skip beats. “Hey, Zuko.” 

  “Yeah?” 

  “I think I like you.” 

  He pinches her cheek. “I think I like you, too.” 

  //

  He was right. As soon as life blessed him with everything he’s wanted and more, it whisked it away just as fast. 

  He’d mustered up the courage to invite her to a studio session after everyone in Shooters 4 Rihanna insisted on meeting her. Their songs were getting a little too emotional and they wanted to meet his muse. It was going well, too well. He even catches all the lamps she knocks down. When she rights herself, she manages to knock down the table with their food. Double bagging existed for a reason, just like he warned her! But, of course, the bags holding the takeout she was supposed to surprise him with broke from the bottom. He’d go hungry, that day. But, anything for her, though. 

  She looked so into the session, asking him if she could play with the buttons, leaning into his chest when he hesitantly surrounds her space. His two lean arms coming out to steady her waist when she trips on herself and sends him a sheepish smile that has him hypnotized. 

  Katara normally felt lightheaded around him, but she felt absolutely faint as soon as Piandao walked in to finalize the details of the performance, and Zuko started talking about some lucky masquerade ball. 

  She couldn’t hear much else, body getting up before she even registered it. 

  Before he could fully get into his chair at the mixing console because just one little note in their new song “Rihanna Impregnate Me” just sounded off, she’s tugging him up. 

  “Can I kiss you?” 

  “W—what?” She’s holding him up by the collar of his shirt. 

  Katara smirks. “I really want to kiss you.” 

  “I mean, uh, yes! Definitely a ye—”

  It’s everything he’s imagined, hoped, prayed for the last few months and more. She’s sweet and soft and tasted like lip gloss and the toothpaste he had stowed away in her bag. When he’s leaning in for more, ready to do things like give her his heart or do her taxes for her because he couldn’t think straight and his heart was guiding him through the motions, she’s gone. 

  //

  Katara’s gone when Ty Lee somehow gets into, yet another, tax fraud case and can’t make their performance. 

  She’s gone when he needs her by his side because even though he’s not performing he still manages to feel fucking sick. He wants her holding his unnaturally sweaty palms and telling him it’s going to be okay, just like what she does during his late night writing sessions where she stays up and refuses to sleep until he does. 

  She’s gone when the band has to answer to an angry crowd, an angry CEO who already sees the articles lambasting the girl group’s unprofessionalism and was ten seconds away from pulling the plug on his dreams. 

  “Zuko!” 

  He hates his heart rushes, even when it was about to break because of her, too. 

  She's gotten her perfect life. She’d gotten the job back, her apartment back, Rihanna even sent her a secret song for fuck’s sake. 

  She must really love this fucker, because she was giving up a chance to stalk Rihanna so he could be happy. 

  “Maybe he needed that luck more than you do!” Was running through her head the entire week she avoided him.

  “I don’t know what to do, Suki!” 

  “Why don’t you both fuck leprechauns?” She says between bites of string cheese. 

  Katara sighs. “Why are yours and Toph’s minds built like that?” 

  “I heard my mom tried punching her stomach every day, hoping that I wasn’t going to be a result of St. Patrick’s Day sex. That’s why my head’s lopsided.” 

  He felt nauseous. Not only did 3 of the girls just spew their lunch into whatever container they could get their hands on, of course Azula has gone missing. “Katara not now I—” 

  She comes to him flushed, extensions stuck to her hand after running too fast and accidentally grabbing someone’s hair. Her feet hurt, her heart hurt, but in this moment she knew. She knew he needed this more than her. He was soft and kind and took people in and cherished the moments with his half-sister because he missed all the ones with Azula. He worked so hard now because he was afraid she hated him, and even when he was on the verge of giving up, he still pushed through. He gave people chances, even when the universe was never as kind to him. 

  After she presses her lips to his, suddenly Azula presses a button from the underground room she was trapped in, appearing on stage in front of their very eyes. They have the best show the Hard Boulder Cafe’s seen in decades . Their contract is extended, and he opens a bottle of champagne to celebrate without taking his eye out. 

  He was the luckiest man in the world. 

  Though, when he turns, he realizes. 

  His girl’s missing. 

  //

  “Katara!” She tried shuffling away, but accidentally slips on a few drug needles someone threw carelessly on the ground. 

  She’s still nursing the sore spot on her forehead, where the champagne cork hit. “Zuko, please just...go.” She waves him off with a bandaged hand. 

  “I know you’re going to be stuck here for the next three hours. Because trains never come on time for you no matter what.” 

  Even in the middle of the nearly dead station, he was right. Every stop flashed to delayed .  

  “Then you’ll be robbed by someone on the train, and then you might even get spit on by the guy with the imaginary dog who’s afraid of whoever gets too close to it, and then you’ll get an eye infection.” 

  Katara wipes the snot at her nose. “So?” 

  “So?” He laughs, tucking his hands in his pockets. “I’ve lived a whole lifetime of bad luck, and I can’t let you do that for me.” 

  She lets him turn her to face him, lets him gather her up in his arms and hold her like she’s delicate and irreplaceable, and not just a girl with mascara running down her face and her heart stolen by someone she couldn’t love. 

  “Even in a lifetime of being shit out of luck, I still got the chance to meet you.” 

  “Zuko, stop.” Katara wipes at her tears. “Our luck will just get switched, and I always figure things out, I always do. But, I just want you to keep this. You put it to better use than I would’ve.”

  Zuko shakes his head. “I don’t want it anymore.” 

  “I said that to my bladder infection, and that didn’t work. What makes you think that will work now?” 

  “I can live without it.” He smiles. “A few bumps and bruises are the price I’m willing to pay for you in my life.” 

  She’s blushing, hands coming up to bring his head closer to hers, to see every little detail of him.  

  “You’re so fucking stupid.” She whispers, millimeters away from his lips. 

  The grin splits on his face without his permission. “I am, yeah.” 

[sagehaleyofficial]

HERE’S WHAT YOU MISSED THIS WEEK (1.8-1.14.20):

NEW MUSIC:

·         Record Store Day went on social media to unveil its 2020 date, which is set for April 18th. Last year, a special edition turntable manufactured by Crosley Radio was available at select record stores.

·         Green Day took to social media to share a GIF announcing their new track “Oh, Yeah” will be released later this month. Additionally, they also confirmed a rumored tracklist that was anonymously sent to a fan earlier this month.

·         Spanish Love Songs announced the release date of their third studio album, Brave Faces Everyone, on February 7th via Pure Noise Records. The band also released a new single “Kick” with an accompanying music video.

·         New Found Glory announced that they are looking to include fans in filming a new music video. Recently, guitarist Chad Gilbert took to Instagram to tease that the band have been working on a new album, which will follow up their 2017 release, Makes Me Sick.

·         Silverstein announced a release date for their next studio album, A Beautiful Place to Drown. They also dropped their latest single off the LP, “Infinite,” featuring Underoath and The Almost musician Aaron Gillespie.

·         In a very recent interview, Senses Fail vocalist Buddy Nielsen revealed what he thinks will be the title of the band’s eighth album, calling it Hell is in Your Head. The frontman also talked about the relationships between this new album and their 2006 record, Still Searching.

·         Evanescence dropped a music video for their cover of Fleetwood Mac’s song “The Chain,” which was featured on the soundtrack for the video game Gears of War 5. Singer Amy Lee also lent her vocals to the game’s launch trailer just prior.

·         The 1975 announced the debut of a new song titled “Me & You Together Song,” set to drop this Thursday. Their fourth studio album, Notes on a Conditional Form, was then pushed back from its original release date on February 21st to sometime in April.

·         Halsey took inspiration from country music in her latest single “You Should Be Sad” off her upcoming album Manic, dropping this Friday. She revealed on Twitter that the track was inspired by some of her favorite female artists of the genre, namely Carrie Underwood.

·         Creeper announced the release date for their upcoming album, Sex, Death and the Infinite Void, along with a brief tour in the UK. The band teased fans on Twitter prior to the announcement by posting a series of periods and short videos.

·         PVRIS dropped a haunting acoustic version of their song “Hallucinations,” originally the title track of the band’s latest EP. Singer Lynn Gunn also shared it on her own Twitter feed, saying “It’s chill.”

·         The upcoming film Birds of Prey is getting its own soundtrack, appropriately titled Birds of Prey: The Album. The soundtrack features Halsey, K. Flay, a collab by Megan Thee Stallion and Normani, and more internationally-acclaimed female artists.

·         Paramore frontwoman Hayley Williams teased what could potentially be a lyric from her upcoming solo project debut, Petals for Armor, releasing January 22nd. Clues of the new project surfaced on Instagram and city streets with a release date for some time this month.

·         A recent video shows Halsey in the studio with Bring Me the Horizon’s Oli Sykes and Jordan Fish. It appears that the video is referencing her new song for the Birds of Prey soundtrack titled “Experiment on Me.”

·         Alexisonfire dropped a new single titled “Season of the Flood,” which marks their third new song in 10 years and premiered on BBC1’s Rock Show. Last year, the band dropped two singles, “Complicit” and “Familiar Drugs.”

·         Point North’s new song, titled “Into the Dark,” just dropped, featuring current tour mate and Sleeping with Sirens‘ singer, Kellin Quinn. The bands are currently on tour with Set It Off and Belmont.

TOUR ANNOUNCEMENTS:

·         Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival announced the lineup for the festival’s 2020 dates. This year’s headliners include Tool, Lizzo, Tame Impala, Miley Cyrus, Bassnectar, Flume, Oysterhead, Lana Del Rey and Vampire Weekend.

·         The Almost frontman Aaron Gillespie recruited his Underoath bandmate Tim McTague to join him on stage during a show at the Orpheum in Tampa. Gillespie shared photos of the evening, touching on the “unnecessary friction” at The Almost’s formation in 2005.

·         In anticipation of their upcoming release Father of All… next month, Green Day announced that they want to host a wild party at a fan’s house. In a video posted to Instagram, Billie Joe Armstrong talked about wanting to play in one very lucky fan’s backyard in California.

·         Halsey announced the dates for the North American installment of her Manic World Tour. It was also announced that CHVRCHES, Omar Apollo, blackbear and PVRIS will all join her on select dates of this tour.

·         Circa Survive announced that Polyphia and Gouge Away will join them on their Blue Sky Noise 10-year anniversary tour. The band took to social media to announce the supporting cast for the tour.

·         Billie Eilish, Gwen Stefani with Blake Shelton, Aerosmith and Lizzo will all take the stage at this year’s Grammy Awards on January 26th. R&B songstress Alicia Keys will again host the ceremony.

·         Post Malone was announced to headline the “Bootsy on the Water” pop-up event at one of this year’s Super Bowl kick-off parties in Florida. Fans have the opportunity to see the rapper live, but tickets range from a hefty $1,000 to $150,000.

·         The Maine announced their second edition of 8123 Day to celebrate their 13th anniversary as a band. The event will offer fans fun opportunities such as an online scavenger hunt, contests, new merchandise and more.

·         My Chemical Romance’s return show grossed nearly $1,500,000, making history as the highest-grossing show at the venue ever. A Paradigm agent, Matt Galle, spoke with Variety last December about how everything came together.

·         Joe Rogan, Jim Jefferies and Whitney Cummings are joining forces to appear at Stand Up for Australian Fires, the Australia wildfires benefit show taking place on January 26th. Proceeds from the show, co-produced by Kevin Lyman and Joe Sib, will go to Wildlife Warriors.

·         After announcing their first full U.S. headlining run last month, Sleep On It finally announced the opening acts for the “Pride and Disastour.” The band’s upcoming tour, which kicks off at the end of February, will be supported by Bearings, Between You and Me and Neverkept.

·         Sleeping with Sirens revealed a stacked co-headlining run with the Amity Affliction kicking off in April. The tour will begin April 15th in Reno, Nevada, and conclude May 23rd in Milwaukee with support from Stray from the Path and UnityTX.

OTHER NEWS:

·         The Maine drummer Pat Kirch married his longtime partner Shacara Nemetz, with his bandmates, family and friends in attendance at the ceremony. Last September, the couple also announced they were expecting their first child together.

·         One talented drummer took on the challenge of combining 50 My Chemical Romance songs in 10 minutes. The fan in question, Sage Duvall, is a member of Florida-based indie band Raggy Monster and impressively recorded it all in one take without the use of a click track.

·         Bad Religion announced the release of their new book, “DO WHAT YOU WANT: The Story of Bad Religion,” which is set to drop on August 20th by Hachette Books. The autobiography is a deep examination of the band’s four decades in rock music.

·         Music IP investment company Hipgnosis Songs acquired 157 songs from alternative icon Tom DeLonge‘s catalog. “All the Small Things” and more Blink-182 hits were reportedly acquired.

·         Ice Nine Kills joined numerous musicians in fundraising to help put an end to the Australian wildfires plaguing the country. The band is selling a T-shirt featuring a kangaroo dressed as horror icon Freddy Krueger, with all proceeds going towards Australia’s relief efforts.

·         The upcoming film Birds of Prey revealed its second official trailer, which may reveal what happens to Jared Leto‘s Joker character. Recently, lead actress Margot Robbie, who plays Harley Quinn, confirmed that Leto would not be in the film.

·         Featuring a red, black and white color palette, Vans’ latest “I Heart” shoe collection recently hit their online store. The line showcases the phrase “I heart boys, I heart girls” in a continuous pattern.

·         Neil Peart, iconic drummer and lyrical voice of legendary Canadian prog-rock act Rush, has passed away. Rolling Stone reported that Peart had succumbed to aggressive brain cancer at age 67 after a brave three-and-a-half-year-long battle.

·         The Umbrella Academy fans were surprised last week when the comic series appeared as a question on the game show Jeopardy!. The show is currently hosting its “The Greatest of All Time” tournament, which has three record-breaking former contestants playing.

·         Blink-182 joined the relief effort toward stopping the Australian bushfires by releasing a new merch collection. Proceeds from the shirts will go towards Australia Zoo, which is giving medical help and rehabilitating to sick, injured and displaced wildlife in the country.

·         Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker is partnering with Barrett-Jackson to sell a few of his vehicles to the highest bidder. There will be three cars up for sale – a 1941 Cadillac 62 Series convertible, a 1960 Cadillac Coupe Deville and a 1972 Chevrolet K5 Blazer.

___

Check in next Tuesday for more “Posi Talk with Sage Haley,” only at @sagehaleyofficial!

[uglypaw]

i'm 6 weeks post op as of yesterday! heres my full diary for the first week post op that i wrote during recovery if anyone wants to know what my experience was. CW: blood, surgery, drugs, unsanitary, self harm. if you have any other questions im happy to answer them!

sorry for how long this is lol--

june 21 friday (surgery day)

i'm writing this a few days later but here's how i remember it--

i checked in to the empty office and the copay was $10. the receptionist had me sign a form so that they could call my dad once my surgery was over and he gave me a plastic medical bracelet with my info on it. we hung out in the waiting room for about 10 minutes before i was called in by a nurse. she asked me if i had to pee (i did) and asked if there was a chance i could be pregnant (there wasn't). this nurse was very apathetic and had a very flat voice. i didn't like her.

she had me go to a bed with a gown and a bag for my stuff on it and instructed me to change with the curtain drawn. i did and hung out for about 10 minutes for her to come back, and then she had me lie down and covered me with a blanket and went over my medical record and what meds i was taking and stuff like that. while she was doing this, a male nurse came by and gave me a bunch of painkillers to take with a cup of water(i almost choked on them), and put in my IV on my hand, which was the most painful part. he said i have thick skin on my hand and he really had to push. at this point i got kinda lightheaded hearing him say that but i calmed myself down after a bit.

they called my dad back in and another nurse told me it would be about an hour before the surgeon came to see me. we hung out and played with the monitors on my blood pressure and heart rate and O2 and stuff and made jokes about writing messages on my torso for the surgeon to see when i was under. during the entire time waiting for surgery i was super hungry and wanted to hurry up so i could eat afterwords.

after about an hour the surgeon came by and marked me up, which was kind of uncomfortable because the markers he used were sharp. he held conversation the whole time and was very friendly and charismatic. he went over the marks a bunch of times, and had tentative places marked for my nipple grafts.

he told me the right side was larger than the left so the incision would have to be a bit longer, but since i'd lost weight the incisions were going to be very minimal either way.

after he marked me up he left me again and i asked another nurse to use the bathroom and i got a heated blanket. the anesthesiologist came by and he was funny and casual and alleviated any anxiety by explaining what meds he would be using on me (don't worry about the pain, i prescribe A LOT!!!) and he left once more and another nurse (OR helper) double checked what procedure i'd be doing on the computer, and she told me they would ask me the same questions again once we were in the OR to double confirm. (this ended up not happening because i passed out pretty quick.)

they came by again and confirmed the OR was ready for me, and the anesthesiologist gave me two shots into my IV of some warm liquid and told me i'd be feeling it pretty quick because they were strong (he was right, within a few minutes i was feeling loopy and warm. i was worried i'd have a panic attack about the meds taking effect so fast but it was nice). my dad filmed this part.

they came by about 5 minutes later and said they were ready so they had my dad go back to the waiting room and wheeled me to the OR which was a tiny room with a lot of machines and bright lights and white walls. i remember thinking it looked nothing like it did on TV. they had my name on a whiteboard on the wall. they introduced me to some of the new people i hadn't seen before but i was pretty out of it by then so i wasn't paying too much attention.

they had me scoot over from my hospital bed to the surgery table, and had my arms out to the sides crucifix style. i thought this was really funny and made a note to remember it after surgery.

i recall a few more moments of them rechecking my charts but then the next thing i remember is coming out of anesthesia and seeing my dad and the lights overheard being really bright. someone took off my oxygen mask but i think i was having trouble waking up so they had to put it back on so i would breathe.

they tried to sit me up too fast and i almost passed out so i was given water and gatorade (that i brought from home) and they very slowly raised my bed. my throat was really sore during this time and i remember the gatorade burning as i drank but it was better than the water.

coming out of anesthesia was long and i remember being irritated at it taking so much time and making everyone wait for me. i was also the second to last person in the recovery room (there was a lady next to me coughing a lot, the nurses were saying she was a handful).

my dad told me the doctor told him it was a super easy surgery and it made a difference that i was "lean". he said i might not have fluid in my drains by monday (surgery was on friday) but they wanted to be absolutely sure that i wasn't draining anymore before taking them out.

we talked with the nurse for a while as i caught my breath and could sit up again, and my dad ran to the pharmacy downstairs to pick up my muscle relaxer meds before we left. the nurse talked to me about my transition and stuff like that. i didn't mind because i was still pretty out of it.

when my dad came back they got me a wheelchair but made sure i could stand and could walk to the wall without falling. i was pretty weak but made it steadily. i was surprised how mobile i was. my dad helped me get dressed but i didn't need much assistance.

my dad pulled the car around the front while the nurse wheeled me down to him, and we chatted as we went. the whole hospital was empty and it looked closed. he pulled my chair right up to the car and helped me in, and we thanked him a few times before leaving. he kept repeating if there was any issue with drains coming out to come back to this hospital.

the drive home was fine, and when we got back my dad insisted on taking the dogs out so i could get out of the car. he helped me out and eased me inside to my room. my mom gave me soup though i wasn't too hungry. i chilled in bed for a few hours before falling asleep and my dad showed everyone how to empty the drains. my mom was grossed out but not too much.

i ended up eating about half an edible to help me fall asleep and manage some of the discomfort, but i could have done without it. i had to pee a LOT during the night because of how many IV bags they'd given me. right when i came out of surgery they told me it was good i was dehydrated because it meant i had followed the instructions on not drinking nor eating since midnight the night before.

i was a little worried about wiping myself but my arms were very mobile and i could do it no problem.

i took a bit of tylenol but none of my prescriptions because the pain was very manageable.

sleeping on my back was the hardest part as i was supposed to be sitting up, and my neck was killing me even with my travel pillow. my butt was also really sore so the next morning i made an effort to walk around a bit. having a big squishy pillow under my butt while i slept also helped with the soreness and by day two it was fine. i stretched my legs a lot and tried to lay down as little as i could.

june 22, saturday

morning after surgery

night 1 wasn't great! i woke up a lot to go pee and it was uncomfortable laying sitting up. my neck ended up hurting a lot from the travel pillow. this morning brutus wanted to be with me so bad and i felt bad sleeping without him. i had to maneuver him around so he was on my lap and not my chest because he wanted to be close.

my incisions hurt a bit but it's not unbearable. it feels like the night after i made a big self harm cut, stings and i don't want to jostle them.

the rice krispy definitely helped last night with pain and relaxation and falling asleep, and i'm surprised it didn't give me anxiety or a bad dream.

i don't like sleeping on my back. i woke up around 3 to pee and didn't get back to sleep until almost 5. i was thinking about food to eat the whole time.

i really want ihop pancakes and syrup.

i'm getting little sharp shoots of pain on parts of my chest but they're not too bad and hopefully they mean i'm healing. i'm hopeful they're where my nipples are.

i really should have brought cough drops to the hospital, my throat was very sore after intubation.

i feel electrodes still stuck to my upper chest and i want them off, they're irritating. (i ended up peeling them off a few hours later)

it's still tough to pee but i've been taking short walks around the house to stretch my legs. i. get tired easily so they don't last more than a few minutes. still haven't taken any of my prescribed pain meds, but the pain is getting worse i think. people are telling me the pain will get worse tomorrow.

i've been vaping thc and taking tylenol to manage the pain and they make me sleepy so i've been taking 2-2.5 hour naps and then getting up to pee and snack. 

i took a norco pill in the afternoon but i dont think i needed it. i didn't feel much of an effect from it at all, but it did make me sleepy. that evening i went for a bit of a walk around the front yard.

june 23, sunday

i didn't sleep very well again last night but it was better than the day before. i think having a soft pillow under my butt helped with the soreness and i didn't need the travel pillow as much as i did yesterday with my naps. i still woke up disoriented a lot from my 2 hour naps

i stayed up till like midnight and then just passed out from exhaustion so i didn't wake up very much during the night to pee. this morning i woke up very refreshed but feeling gross physically. i cleaned out my own drains, had papa clean my shoulders and put on my testosterone, and megan dry shampoo my hair. i still haven't pooped but i'm not making too much of an effort. j think i'll take laxatives today.

thus far the pain isn't too bad. last night i had little twinges of sharp pain along my sides near my armpits but haven't had any since. taking deep breaths is getting harder because the incisions are getting more sore and my back is hurting from the binder.

this morning when we drained my drains one of them had barely anything in it which is good

update: i did poop a bit. i've been peeing a lot today.

i haven't napped at all but my arms are getting painful from being squeezed from the binder.

having that shower in a bottle has helped keep me feeling fresh and clean. i may take a sponge bath sometime this week. hygiene is keeping me feeling good, i brushed my teeth and washed my face with actual soap earlier which helped me feel good.

june 24, monday

i'm very sleepy today. i washed myself again with the shower in a bottle and i woke up itchy. i took a long nap in the middle of the day and i'm still pretty out of it and tired. i woke up last night only twice to have diarrhea from the ex lax chocolate papa got me yesterday.

i didn't have a lot of fluid in my drains this morning but it was more than yesterday.

my right drain keeps coming undone. i took another nap today and once i woke up i saw it was completely inflated. i fixed it pretty easily but it's strange it keeps happening.

ive been having binding pains a lot today from being compressed so tight. it hurts mostly when i stand up.

i gave myself a sponge bath today and washed my hair in the sink! i think that activity drained me because afterwards i took a 2 hr nap. i keep feeling like i'm sleeping a lot but all my naps are quite short.

june 25, tuesday

today i had a bit more pain where the drain sites are. it stings and burns a bit but it's not unbearable, just very uncomfortable. it happens regardless of the arm positioning.

i'm getting a lot more tingling/pins and needles over my chest but my actual incisions don't hurt. my ribs and back are killing me from the binder soreness, and i've been tired but not enough to sleep. every time i get up it kind of resets the pain so i'm trying not to adjust a lot.

i feel like i've been eating a lot of crap the past few days so im trying to be more mindful about eating more protein and less refined sugar

also, my chest was very itchy so i put my hand down the front of my vest to scratch it and i couldn't feel anything. it felt like when a limb falls asleep too hard to even be pins and needles and just turns numb. it made me uncomfortable so i only did it a few more times.

i have less energy to walk today than i did yesterday, but not tired enough to sleep. i'll definitely take more of the sleepy antihistamines to sleep tonight.

june 26, wednesday

not much new stuff to update on today. i took two norco pills because one didn't do anything and i almost passed out, i got super lightheaded and nauseous and had to lie down for a while to let my brain catch up.

we took the dogs on a walk to the gate and my chest felt weird walking but not in a totally bad way, i just had to go a little slower so i didn't jostle anything.

i'm so excited for friday! i can't wait to get my drains out.

pain has been pretty minimal today though i did take a few naps. i haven't smoked today at all because i wanna keep my brain clear and save my weed and there hasn't been a huge difference in pain.

my muscles feel very good today and it doesn't hurt to stretch my shoulders and reach for things as much.

drain sites are still very itchy and kinda sore. not a lot of fluid but i noticed the right side hasn't been inflating as much! i think it just needed to be milked and cleaned better.

june 27, thursday

the pain has been the worst today by far. i was draining a lot and found out that exercise or excessive movement will cause more drainage, and i did go on a longish walk yesterday with my mom and the dogs. i ended up taking tylenol, flexeril, hit my pen, and had the rest of the rice krispy treat just to dull the pain. it's starting to go away now but i'm still getting like stinging throbs and aches where my drains are. i'm definitely taking painkillers before we go tomorrow!!

i'm worried the excess drainage means that they'll want me to keep the drains in longer. i rally hope not, they're the one thing causing me pain.

i looked at my chest this morning and last evening and there's a little blood bubble inside the plastic they taped me up with on my left side. i can see my chest too, with all the surgeon marks and the edges of the incisions. it does look like he curved under the pec muscle. i was expecting straight line incisions, though i'm sure i'll warm up to it.

i've been very weak and light headed today, and when i stand up i need to take a minute to let the stars go away out of my vision.

june 28, friday

today's the day! we're leaving soon to go to kaiser for my one week post op. i really hope they take the drains out despite the spike in fluid i had the other day from going on that walk.

i'm very tired today and feeling very lazy. usually i want to bathe in the mornings but today i feel so gross i don't want to do anything. i managed to get myself out of bed today to do my laundry but that's as much work as i could manage.

later; they ended up not taking the drains out because of the spike in fluids from going on a walk the other day. they want to be 100% sure that there's less than 20mg over two or three days so i'm making an appointment for monday.

Monday update: got the drains out. Completely painless and not uncomfortable -- didn’t have much sensation in the area and the nurse distracted me so I didn’t notice her removing them. The worst part was her cleaning the area with alcohol beforehand. 

[eyesaremosaics]

Got a very sad phone call yesterday. My first love (who remained one of my best friends for a decade after our connection ceased to be romantc) phoned me to say he is very ill. He was born with a disease, which has now gotten past the point of no return. He is deeply depressed, listless, and tired of fighting. This was the first time we have spoken in a year— after a falling out we had a few years back... he called to tell me that he is dying. Essentially he has only one option left available, and it’s very risky and experimental, if he misses a dose—then there really is nothing they can do. He has decided to stop taking his medicine, which means he has maximum four years left to live.

A series of complex emotions have been plaguing me ever since yesterday. Numb disbelief, shock, anger, confusion, understanding, and deep unconditional love. This is devastating news. I wonder why when faced with our own mortality... only then so we realize just how much people have meant to us in our lives.

He was one of my best friends for over 15 years... that is more than half my life. He was the first boy I ever fell in love with... there is always something special about the first time you feel that emotion, because it is all so new and consuming. I gave my virginity to him, we survived so much together, and he was the only one of my old flames that I was able to reconcile my differences with and salvage a friendship with... a really... important friendship.

I feel heartbroken and devastated that he is choosing death over life, but it is his life, and I won’t invalidate his pain. Who am I to tell him he shouldn’t feel the way he does? After all he has suffered? With all that was denied him. All that he can never have. He needs someone to hear him, and understand him, and I do. I always have. That’s why I fell in love with him all those years ago in the first place.

I know he could get better if he wanted, but he doesn’t want to. “I’m tired of feeling like an accessory in other people’s lives.” He feels like he has lived for other people since he was thirteen years old... when he first discovered he was sick. After being adopted... to inherit a life sentence like that... it’s enough to make anyone bitter to say the least. It’s just sad. There is nothing I can do now, except love him, and let him go.

We always want people to stay with us, because of our selfish feelings of wanting to experience them. Yet we don’t have to live their life, and if someone is really ill, and in a lot of pain, they shouldn’t have to stay just because we aren’t ready to let go of them. It has been hard for me to make peace with his decision, but it is his choice to make. Going through the stages of grief right now, and a lot of memories are coming up strong. Memories I locked away, and forced myself to forget.

Thinking about all my failed relationships in general today, and trying to find the gift I got from each of them. This person took me under their wing when I was a freshmen in high school. After being bullied so mercilessly in middle school, I was petrified of high school. He saw my value immediately, and went out of his way to greet and include me. He was so popular, that being his kid sister offered me some measure of protection. He saw my worth, when I didn’t, and went out of his way to spend quality time with me, he was genuinely interested in who I was as a person, and would sit and listen to me for countless hours on the phone, sharing every thought in our heads. He was brutally honest, wether I wanted to hear it or not, and so I believed him when he let me know that he saw me... and that He was glad I existed.

He understood me, better than any other boyfriend I’ve had. My deep pain and alienation, he secretly always felt that way too. As an Aries, he is my opposite sign, but no other sign understands the deep loneliness Libra’s feel like Aries does. It’s an unspoken, deep rooted commonality between them, different as they are in all other areas. In fact that was what endeared us to one another I think. We shared the same pain, and it created a kinship.

He could see and feel my pain, and often we were able to comfort each other without having to say anything. The romantic connection was a tragic one, because of his illness it was very “Edward Scissorhands”, we could never really be together. He was always pushing me away, and he had so many others girls in his web it made me feel inadequate and insecure. Truthfully, I chose to devalue myself and let his rejection crush my self esteem over time. but the truth is, he inspired me so much as an artist. He encouraged me to go out and create. He is so talented at so many things, with so many gifts, and truly... he has a good heart.

Even when things were bad between us, he never raised his voice to me, never called me a name, always spoke to me with respect and kindness. Never once hung up on me, he is far too noble to ever do that to anyone. I often kept him on the phone for ages because I knew he would never hang up. He has strong morals and principles, and he lives rigidly by them. We both have strong characters, with high morals and expectations of others, so we were always disappointed in people. My love went unrequited it seemed, as he outright refused to commit to me, but I do know that He really cared about and respected me. Whenever he got a girlfriend who was jealous of our connection, he would always put them in their place and say: “she’s my friend. She’s very important to me, and she’s not going anywhere, so you will just have to deal with that if you want to be with me.”

He never abandoned me when I needed him. He dropped everything to come and be with me at two in the morning on more than one occasion. The romance may not have gone well, but he was always a good and loyal friend. When I went through my abortion, the Capricorn I was dating at the time took off to party while I was home crying and clutching my belly in agony, but the other person called, and was there for me. “Megan, where is your boyfriend during all of this?”

“I dunno. Out with his friends,”

“Then you need to leave him. No man will not stick by his woman through this.”

I began to cry softly at these words. Feeling at that time, so alone and unloved. His voice grew soft with sorrow as he said: “i’m sorry Megan, you always deserved better than anyone was able to give you.”

I think the feelings were mutual once. We grew very close when he was away at film school on the east coast, and I was still a junior in high school. He always had excuses for why he didn’t want to be with me, because there was clearly intense physical attractions those days, but his true feelings betrayed him. When I went to visit him at his apartment in Pennsylvania... he had photos of me...all over his house. In every room almost, (more than any other girl friend of his). I remember being in shock. In those days, I loathed relationships, the idea of getting married. I had no desire to want to have children or what have you. Granted I was only 13-14, but as soon as I met him, I saw myself wanting to be his wife. I just got him, and he got me, but his infidelity with other girls was always what crushed me. That was where the seed of taking drugs was planted, in the wake of not feeling good enough for this person I was so in love with. It was my choice, no one else is responsible for my actions, but these events influenced my choices for sure. He was very popular with women, and had a ton of female friends he very obviously had flirtations/relationships with. Some people are just not meant to commit to monogamy I guess, I often wondered if he was one of those.

But as we got older, and the romance dwindled away. The only way I got over him, after six years of pining and crying myself to sleep every night... was falling in love with the narcissist. Soon as they painted the picture of the ideal partner, I let go of the unrequited relationship I had prior. He noticed too, and soon as I was gone, I think he realized what he lost. Though... it was always complicated. When I wanted to give my life up to be with him, he couldn’t go through with it, and before anything could really happen, he ran away into the bathroom, locking himself in to cry where I couldn’t see him. He said to me: “I can’t do it. I can’t ruin your life.”

He used to look at me sadly sometimes. I could see this longing in him for connection. He would brush my hair out of my face, and have this moment of silence where he would look at me very intently.

It was a toxic connection to be sure. We were both suicidally depressed teens, wallowing together, but he really did know me. I think he knows me better than anyone, even Jeanne. He trusted me, and I trusted him. He never hid the other girls from me, and he was always very clear with me about us not being together, at least at first. He thought I was too young. He was a senior when I was a freshmen, and he kept me at bay because it made him feel uncomfortable, but once I was older, I got caught in a love triangle with him and a Pisces girl. I knew she was all talk and wouldn’t last, and she didn’t. I know he loved her though, and she fucked him over, just like I knew she would. He still chose her over me, and that was the first time I tried to kill myself.

Again, I realize now, how incredibly toxic and unhealthy I was myself... I wish I had been strong enough to take it in stride, but I had no skills or coping mechanisms for pain back then. All I had was substance abuse. I do remember, I never took drugs, not until he rejected me, that was the turning point where this whole nightmare began. Well, actually it Began with my father and was reinforced by that.

My point is, he vaguely brought up how much damage he realized he did to people. I know he always felt guilty about me. His care for me was deep, and genuine, though never the same as mine. He saw me as a sister, but later when I was older her saw me differently for a moment, then I realized our connection was familial, like he was an older brother. Maybe we were meant to love each other in that way, not romantically. So I let it go, and after many talks, we cleared the air and were able to be friends. He was very considerate of my feelings though. He never spoke about girls he was involved with, he knew that would crush me, and only after years of friendship, when my feelings subsided, were we able to talk freely about people we were dating with no hurt feelings. It was liberating to reach that place with someone. To go from being madly in love, to being like family.

He was there through it all. My miscarriages, my abortion, the sociopath, the abuse, allmy different houses etc. after a while I became like his mom, nagging him to go to his dr. Appointments and to eat a carrot once in a while. He would always roll his eyes and say: “yeah yeah”. Our dynamic was playfully argumentative, like one of those witty screwball comedies in the 1930s. He was a riot, boy he could make me laugh.

We talked everyday for ten years, and then something changed. I barely survived the connection with the sociopath, and he got out of a bad situation too, but I fell in love again, with another Scorpio, who was 7 years older... someone who actually wanted to commit to me, to get married and start a life... I hardly knew how to take it, I had always been “the other woman” before... no one ever wanted to commit fully to me before. I was so starved for love and attention of this kind, that I would do anything to keep it. This new person... I may have tested their boundaries with my substance abuse, but I knew his infidelity issues were REALLY deep, and he felt threatened by my friend, and do I cut him out to save my relationship.

I felt guilty about it the whole time. This other person had always been there for me no matter what, and may not have been a good lover, but was a true, blue friend, and I abandoned him. He felt very hurt and betrayed obviously. For he had stood up to other girls for me, and I did not do the same for him. I just wanted my relationship to work so bad, I thought it would be worth the sacrifice.

Rhstvrelstionship was very volatile, and it was really good in some ways, and really bad in others. As our relationship wore on. I felt guilty for leaving this person behind me, and I finally worked up the courage to tell my partner, and ask if I could reach out and apologize and try to rebuild my friendship. That was the beginning of the end I think. He was on his way out anyway. I did reach out to my friend, and he was really hurt and unwilling to patch things up. We talked it out, and he said he would try, but he felt really unsure about it. He felt I abandoned him, when he needed a friend most. He had some serious shit going on at the time, but we were in one of our many dumb fights, and he never reaches out, so I just stopped.

It doesn’t matter. We patched things up, he had this new girlfriend who was clearly jealous of me. She went out of her way to be cruel. He must have thought she was his last chance, but he only half liked her on the first place. She was awful to me on this road trip from hell with the three of us... long story short, we got in a huge fight because I refused to be around her ever again, and he felt I was being completely unreasonable. I felt betrayed, like I got my karma back for ditching him before. We fell out the last few years, and I was spiraling out of control after my longest relationship ended.

He called me about a year ago, apologizing for how he acted. Saying he was wrong. I never thought he would apologize, I was stunned. In the past, even if he was wrong, I always came back and made up. This time I held out, and he unfollowed me on FB, said he couldn’t rely on me, that I wasn’t a good friend. Now he was admitting he was wrong, and I knew I forgave him a long time ago. He told me he lost some loved ones, and was in therapy, yet was very cryptic, and stopped responding to my messages after that initial conversation.

Then to get this call yesterday, after all we have been through...there are so many layers, and chapters to the story, I could write a book...someday, I just miss him. I miss being able to call him whenever. I miss the way he would always give me shit, all the play arguments. I miss making him laugh, or seeingvthat smirk on his face when he pulled a prank. He is very like Fred and George Weasley from Harry Potter (personality wise). He’s like Oscar the grouch popping out of his trash can to add his two cents.

I sincerely miss our friendship, and I hope he gives us the opportunity to reconnect, especially if the days are numbered.

[sinsiriuslyemo]

Hey guys! Sorry this took a little while to get up, but here is the next episode of Cuba v DR! Thanks to those of you who are still reading!! Lots happening in this episode!!

EPISODE 38

Rafael sat at the prosecutor’s table in the seat that, since his days as a rookie, had always remained cold whenever he was in the courtroom. Carisi had once filled it, but he had never known the feeling as being the attorney that the jury relied on to present the state’s case. Now he was sharing a table with David Haden of all people, who had resigned years before and yet somehow was not only back in the good graces of Jack McCoy, but was assigned to overrule him as lead counsel.

He supposed he should’ve been grateful for Jack not suspending him again, but still he was angry. Angry that one woman could, with just a few words, destroy everything he’d worked towards his whole life. Angry that a lie could circumvent the truth so easily in the eyes of the public.

“Defense calls Meagan Cassidy to the stand,” he heard Buchanan say and Rafael blinked twice, bringing himself back.

Megan moved up to the stand and took a seat. Her hair slicked back into a tight chignon, she looked beautifully put together for a woman on trial. As she was sworn in her eyes moved to Rafael for a brief moment before moving back to her lawyer. She straightened her posture and waited for what was to come.

“Miss Cassidy, you worked with Greg Dawson for how long?” Buchanan asked.

“A few years,” she answered.

“Were the two of you ever involved sexually before the night in question?”

“No,” Meagan said softly. “Never.”

“Please tell the jury what happened on the night in question,” Buchanan said.

“It was a mistake...clearly. It was late at night and we had been working all day. I think we were both sleep deprived and after spending all that time together it felt good to just be with someone. This job has such late hours, god forbid anyone have a social life, let alone a stable relationship. So you make do with the relationships where you can...for us that was late nights at the office together. We were friends, there was never much of a spark but like I said, we were both sleep deprived. I think in that moment, things just happened without us thinking about the ramifications. But we both made that mistake, willingly and together.”

“So you didn’t rape Mr Dawson,” Buchanan replied with a sly smile.

“Of course not, what we had though...a little embarrassing was completely consensual.”

“Thank you, Ms Cassidy,” Buchanan said, going to sit back down at his table.

“What happened on the night at issue was completely consensual, is that your testimony today, Ms Cassidy?” Haden asked, still seated at his table.

“Yes.”

“Is there a reason then that you initially told detectives that in fact Mr Dawson had raped you?” Haden asked with knitted brows.

“I made a terrible lapse in judgement when I lied about a rape. I panicked and made the wrong choice, one I took back. I’m hoping Greg will do the same. Lies like this ruin lives, and I know he isn’t a bad person. He’s just trapped in a lie that went too far.”

“A lapse in judgement,” Haden mumbled, looking at Barba, who shook his head discreetly. Haden stood and began to walk towards the witness stand. “So, you lied about being raped...because you panicked?”

“I was scared, I just had started to reconcile things with my husband. The late hours had made our relationship toxic and I was trying to keep both my job and my marriage. The thought of losing my husband after a horrible night was...unbearable in the moment. So I lied. I regretted it the moment it came out of my mouth. That’s not who I am.”

“You were reconciling with your husband so you lied about being raped?” Haden said again. “You had a prescription of Klonopin in your possession. Can you explain that?”

“About six months ago I was injured, the prescription was for my back while it was recovering.”

“How many people knew that you had been prescribed medication for your back?” Hayden asked.

“A few, I complained about my back and the medication a lot my first week back. I was a bit of a pain. After that I stopped mentioning it.”

“How many of them knew that you kept your prescription meds in your office?” Hayden asked.

“I’m not sure, it’s not like I kept it a secret.”

“Greg Dawson underwent a drug screening and that traces of Klonopin was found in his system. How do you explain that?” Haden asked.

“Maybe he took them from my office. I don’t usually lock it so I can have papers delivered to my desk.”

Haden nodded once. “I see. So you lied because you didn’t want to compromise your relationship with your husband. Greg Dawson isn't married, he has a good job. So why would he lie?”

“I wish I knew,” she said, brows furrowed. “The only reason I can think of is to slim the competition...our career is competitive, you know?”

“So you’re saying he had an affair with you, then told the police that you raped him, quit his job, agreed to testify in open court that he--a man--had been raped by you--a woman half his size and all because he wanted to slim the competition?” Haden asked with an arched brow.

“It’s merely speculation on my part, counselor. You’d have to ask Greg,” she said with a frown.

“Okay. Ms Cassidy, why did you consent to a rape kit days after the incident if you were lying?” Haden asked.

“I got caught up in the lie. It happened to fast. Suddenly there were police and honestly, I got scared. So I just went along with all of it,” she said softly. “I regret it, I truly do.”

“You regret it. Detectives Rollins and Carisi asked you to consent to a rape kit after the night in question. You said no. So why have one days later?” Haden asked.

“I saw my husband, we had lunch and he heard what had happened. He suggested I reconsider and when the detectives asked me again...I agreed.”

“Oh, so you lied to your husband, too?” Haden asked.

“He was the reason for the lie in the first place. I’m not proud of it but I wanted to save my marriage,” she offered.

“Right,” Haden answered. “One last question, if the police had believed your lie, how far were you willing to let it go?”

“No farther, the guilt was weighing me already.”

“I’m sure,” Haden replied. “Nothing further.”

“You may step down,” the judge said. “Defense will call it’s next witness.”

“Defense rests, your honor,” Buchanan said.

“Very well, closing arguments at nine am tomorrow. Court is adjourned,” the judge said, bringing the gavel down.

Rafael looked at Haden. “Her story was entirely different from the one I got when she was first interviewed.”

“Jury saw that,” Haden answered as he packed up his things. “You made the right call bringing this to trial, counselor. No way a jury acquits.”

Rafael nodded softly, sighing and collecting his notes and files.

Nevada subconsciously ran a hand over his hair as he reached the front door to the old diner on 174th and Amsterdam. It was a place he and Lauren had come to often as teenagers, and also where they had their first kiss. Despite the rundown interior, it had always been special, but he hadn’t been back since the last time they’d eaten there. Walking in, he saw her already sitting at their old booth and smirked as he approached.

“Coño, early for once, huh?” he teased as he sat across from her.

She giggled. “I’ve grown up a lot since the last time we were here.”

“Yeah, I see that,” Nevada answered, smiling softly.

She blushed and nodded, tucking some hair behind her ear before looking back at him. His heart quickened in his chest at the sight of her blue eyes and her bashful smile. Even after all these years, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from her. It was surreal and unsettling all at once, knowing he would be going home to you later and she would be going home to her husband.

Her husband. Of all the men in all the world, she just had to marry Leonard Williams.

“So...you’re married now,” he said.

“You too, huh?” she replied.

He nodded. “Eight years.”

“Six,” she offered, not waiting for him to ask. For a moment, they were silent when she giggled and ran a hand through her hair. “This is a little awkward, huh?”

“A lot awkward,” he replied, chuckling with her.

“You look a little bit different. Your eyes are the same, but there’s something different in them. Tired.”

Nevada looked down at his hands on the table, one finger moving to adjust the napkin on which his silverware layed. “I went through a lot after you left.”

“Me too,” she said softly as a server came by and offered to fill their empty mugs with coffee. Once they were alone again, Nevada leaned forward to place his elbows on the table.

“How’s your dad doing?” he asked.

Lauren grinned as she poured cream into her coffee. “Good. Retired. He and my mom moved down to Key Marathon, got a boat and a cute little cottage with a dock.”

“Sounds he’s finally lightened up,” Nevada mused with a smirk, earning another giggle from her.

“Yeah,” she replied, nodding.

“What about your brother? He still in the Army?”

Her smile faded, eyes lowering to look at the light brown liquid in the mug she held. “He was killed in action seven years ago.”

“Shit, I’m sorry,” he replied, fighting the urge to reach for her hand.

“Thanks,” she answered with a half smile as she looked back up at him. “My mom took it really hard. That was when dad retired and suggested they move to the keys.”

“What about you?” he asked softly. He remembered her parents as being good people, who loved their children, but had also always sensed that Lauren--being the youngest and female--hadn’t gotten quite as much attention as her older brother.

Lauren grinned. “I’m okay. I was pretty down for a while, but I got through it.” She took a sip from her coffee before she smiled up at him again and began to look through her purse. “I found this stuff the other day after I got home from the arcade,” she said as she pulled out an old mix tape he’d made for her.

He chuckled and gently took it from her. “Shit, I forgot about this.”

“It still plays,” she replied, giggling with him before showing him a folded piece of paper and a photo strip from the old booth that was once in the arcade. “These too. When did they get rid of the photo booth?”

“When they decided to put a bar in so that parents would start bringing their kids to the arcade more,” he answered, looking at the strip of photos of the two of them as teenagers.

“That’s too bad,” she said.

He gestured to the folded paper with his chin. “I remember when I wrote that for you.”

“I remember when Melissa gave it to me,” she replied, looking down at the note in her hands. “I never told you this, but...I already liked you.”

He knitted his brows. “You did?”

Lauren nodded, running her fingers through her hair again. “Yeah...I didn’t think you’d be interested though. All those other girls were always around you--”

“--Yeah, but none of them were anything like you. I always told you that. You were different,” he replied, meeting her eyes and quirking one corner of his lips upward. “That was what I loved the most about you.”

She smiled warmly and reached across the table for his hand, which he gave without a second thought. Bringing it up, she placed a kiss on his knuckles. “I loved you too. I think part of me will always love you.”

“Me too,” he whispered as his fingers slipped between hers. “You happy?” he asked, eyes lowering to fix on their gently laced fingers.

Lauren nodded as she offered him another smile. “Yeah. You?”

The thought of you entered his mind; all the fights and rough patches that at times he’d been convinced would have torn the two of you apart. He thought of all the things he’d been able to tell you, all of the dark truths about himself that you’d accepted almost blindly, the children you’d created together. Finally, he smirked and nodded.

“Yeah,” he said. “I am happy.”

She grinned, squeezing his fingers. “You have a really beautiful family.”

“Thanks,” he replied. “You got kids, right?”

Lauren nodded. “Two.” With her free hand, she reached for her phone and scrolled to a picture of herself with her two children before showing him.

“Beautiful,” he said, smirking at the photo. “They have your eyes.”

“Thanks,” she answered, setting the phone down. “They’re a handful, but I wouldn’t trade being their mom for anything.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” he said.

“What does your wife do?”

“She’s a teacher,” he answered, earning a giggle from her.

“Why doesn’t that surprise me?”

Nevada rolled his eyes with a grin. “Can't believe you even remember that. You know those were just rumors. I never fucked her.”

“I know, I was kidding,” she said. “Your wife is a lucky woman. I hope she knows that.”

He nodded. “What about your ole man?”

“He’s a good man,” she answered with a smile. “He’s a cop.” He tried to suppress a grin and felt her gently kick his shin beneath the table. “Stop--”

“--I didn’t say anything,” he replied in a chuckle.

“He’s a good man,” she said again. “He moved us all the way here from California because I missed New York.”

Nevada curled the corner of his lips downward, nodding. Part of him wondered how much of work her husband brought home and whether she knew that Williams was looking into him. Not that he would ever use her to gain information. He could never do that to her.

“Does he know about me?” he couldn’t help but ask. While he couldn’t justify using her for leverage against Williams, he could at least gauge whether the hardon the captain had for him was personal.

“Kind of,” she answered. “He knows that my first love was a guy in high school, but he’s never asked for details or anything.”

“Hm,” he hummed, smirking at her. At least now he knew it wasn’t likely that it was a personal vendetta that Captain Williams had against him.

They drank the rest of their coffee in a comfortable silence before Nevada left some cash on the table and walked out with Lauren. When they reached the sidewalk, he turned to face her.

“You know, I still got that jacket you gave me.”

“Really?” she asked with a wide smile. “You know  when I moved, I thought maybe you would get rid of it.”

He shook his head. “I never took it off...till it stopped fitting and even then, I didn’t want to let it go. Reason I even still wear leather is cause it reminds me of you.”

The apple of her cheeks turned pink as she lowered her eyes and grinned. She reached into her shirt and pulled out a thin silver chain with a plastic ring on it. “That’s why I keep this, too.”

“Jesus Christ,” he said in a chuckle as the memories of the night he’d given it to her came back to him. “You know how many games of skeeball I had to play to win you that?”

She laughed, glancing down at the ring before tucking it back beneath her shirt. “I remember the night you gave it to me.”

“Me too,” he whispered.

Looking back up at him, she closed her eyes as he stepped closer to kiss her forehead and pulled her into a hug. He sighed when he felt her pass a hand over the back of his head and squeezed her tighter as he pressed his nose against her neck. When he pulled away, he rested his forehead against hers and ran his fingers over her hair.

“I’m glad we did this,” he said softly.

“So am I,” she answered.

You put on another layer of lipstick making sure your lips were the perfect shade as you puckered in the mirror of your car before getting out. You’d agreed to meet at the center to give Diane Gehrig, the company’s outreach director a tour. Diane was one of three people on the panel to decide if your center was right for their business.

As you walked up to the building you already felt butterflies in your stomach.

“You’re here early,” Robin, your head tutor said with a smile. “Come to check how things are going? I was just on my way to my next session.”

“I have something going on today. Just a heads up, I’m giving someone a tour, if she needs to look in on a session, I’m going to bring her around to you.”

“Okay, sure,” Robin replied. “Is it a parent? We gonna be getting another kid soon?”

“Its someone from a company who might want to purchase and franchise us. It's a very big deal,” you said in a whisper to her with a grin. “I gotta run, but I'll be back in a bit.”

You moved towards your office and stepped inside, straightening up for a few moments before your phone pinged, notifying you of a text from Diane that she had arrived.

You took a deep breath, moving to the front of the center to greet your guest.

“Hi, Mrs. Ramirez?” a woman you presumed was Diane said as you walked towards her. She smiled and held out her hand to shake yours. “Diane Gehrig.”

“Please, call me Y/N, it’s so nice to meet you. I’m really excited for our tour today.”

“Yes, our organization has heard so many good things. I’m anxious to see more of what you’ve done,” Diane answered.

“Well we’re all dedicated here to making the best experience for these kids that we can. Growing up in neighborhoods like this are difficult but the kids want to learn. They all crave the stability that this center can give to them.”

Diane nodded along with you, following when you began to walk towards the first room.

“So here’s one of our private tutoring rooms, we have six at the moment and three group tutoring rooms as well. Kids here are split into two groups. We have two different options here. There’s an after school program that runs from three to about six in the evening and we also have a drop-in options which is basically a chance for anyone to come in with homework questions and get the help they need.”

You walked her up a flight of stairs and into the next room, a larger area with one big table surrounded with ten students all doing homework while a tutor moved around the room checking work.

“Group rooms are for kids to don’t necessarily like a tutor’s attention focused solely on them. It also gives the kids a chance to occasionally work together. The kids getting a chance to build a sense of community is very important to us here. I find most kids prefer group tutoring so they can interact with their peers.”

As you walked her to the next room, you opened it to a room filled with a series of individual desktop computers. You thanked the universe that room was clean, which wasn’t always the case after a day of being used by the kids.

“So this is our computer lab, we only have one at the moment. It’s for a mixture of homework and research for projects.” You pointed to a few children who were on computers. “Kids gets about an hour of computer access at a time. It’s small, we only have eight computers at the moment but I’m hoping to turn another one of our private tutor labs into a second computer room.”

You moved with her to the next room where Robin was sitting with one of your favorite kids, Carly, helping her with her reading homework.

Carly held her copy of Harry Potter tight in her hands whole Robin followed along in her own copy.

You let Diane watch her for a few minutes before the two of you exited the room and continued on.

“Our private tutoring rooms are always available for kids who might need a little help, people with learning disabilities, ADHD, Dyslexia. Our tutor Robin, who you just saw in there has ten years experience working with children with special needs. We’re so lucky to have a really diverse and gifted staff.”

As you moved her to the last room you’d planned to show, you stopped.

“So this is our rec room. Like I mentioned earlier, kids come in either for drop in support or they use it as more of an after school program. With the drop in, I have four tutors on staff who are pretty well rounded in all subjects and they are available for questions and concerns throughout the day. For the kids in our education program they are here from after school till about five or six in the evening. Usually this is because of parents working or just needing the extra help. We keep a rec room stocked with food, movies, stuff like that so after about an hour or so of tutoring they can have a chance to just relax and be kids. There’s some non-violent video games and some old school board games that surprisingly the kids really enjoy.”

“Well I have say, I’m rather impressed with the center. And judging from the reports for the last two years, you’ve made some impact in the graduation rate,” Diane mused.

“We are doing everything we can to keep these kids off the streets,” you said with a smile. “We’ve seen a five percent increase in graduations since this program started. We’re in the process now of discussing a program to help younger children with early intervention for behavior problems as well.”

“Incredible,” Diane replied. “Well, thank you so much for the tour. I’ll take all this information back to my boss and if he’s interested, he’ll make you an offer. If we have anymore questions, I’ll be sure to get in touch with you.”

“Don’t hesitate to call. You have my personal number.” You shook Diane’s hand again before walking her back downstairs to the exit. “Thank you again, it was wonderful meeting you.”

“You as well, Y/N,” Diane replied with a smile.

Once she was gone you let out a sigh of relief, silently grinning to yourself. Today had been a very good day.

“Knock knock,” Grace’s voice alerted Rafael of her presence, pulling his attention away from the paperwork on his desk. She gestured to the hot coffee in her hand. “Carmen said you might need this.”

“Thanks,” he replied, taking the coffee and drinking a long gulp from it.

“I brought you few final files and was hoping you could chat with me for a minute if that’s alright.”

Grace had done her hair and makeup heavier than usual. Desperate to counteract her lack of sleep from this second interview problem. She’d felt sick since she’d heard the news and it had taken its toll on her appearance.

“Yeah, sure,” he replied in a sigh as he closed his file and walked to the couch, taking the opportunity to take a break from everything that had happened earlier in the day.

“They called everyone they wanted for second interviews, I didn’t quite make the cut,” she said softly, eyes downcast, focusing on her sensible footwear.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” he replied, giving her a sympathetic look. “If it helps, I’m sure another position is bound to come along and by then, you’ll have more experience under your belt.”

“I was hoping there was another option,” she said softly. “I work above and beyond, I nailed that interview. The only reason I didn’t get in is because-“ she cut herself off and sighed. “I don’t know what they want from me. I gave them everything, I worked so hard…”

“Well, I mean sometimes, even if you’re sure you’re perfect for something, it doesn’t work out. And more often than not it’s because something better is gonna come along,” he replied.

“There’s nothing better!” she snapped, before calming herself. “It’s part of my five year plan, if I mess this up it’ll set me back and I can’t afford to do that. Mr. Barba, isn’t there something you can do? Just a second chance, I can be what they need me to be,” she pleaded. “Whatever they want, I can become that girl. This is all I’ve ever wanted…” She looked to him, eyes shimmering with tears as she bit her lip. “I’ll do anything, Rafael. I really mean anything,” she begged. “I can’t lose this opportunity.”

“You want my advice? Plans are great to have but very rarely do things actually go according to plan. You ever the phrase, the best laid plans of mice and men...?”

She had been racking her brain over and over for answers on how to fix this. Her competition was only there for a blowjob. Grace had worked above and beyond, she’d done everything right. But it still wasn’t good enough and that killed her. It was eating her up inside.

“Plans are important, they’re made for a reason.” She walked up to where he sat. “I’m not a person who likes ruined plans and I’m willing to negotiate for the recommendation.” She tried to keep her voice lowered, sultry, the words feeling sick on her tongue even as she said them. “Rafael,” she said his name again, slower.

Rafael was a handsome man, this wouldn’t be so bad. Even trying to rationalize, she felt the weight of what she was about to do. She dropped to her knees and looked at him expectantly.

“I won’t tell anyone,” she whispered. “It’ll be our secret.”

“What are you doing?” he asked as he sat up and inched away from her on the couch.

“Aren’t you attracted to me?” She wasn’t sure how this usually went down but wouldn’t he look more excited?

“I’m married. Happily married,” he replied, frowning. Standing, he walked back to his desk, running a hand of frustration over his face.

She stared at the spot on the couch where he’d been seated, wiping tears off her cheeks. “I don’t know what else to do,” she mumbled.

“Have some more respect for yourself for one,” he replied, shaking his head. “I’m really disappointed in you. I thought you were better than that.”

“So did I...for a while,” she said with a half laugh. “But what do you do when you work hard and you’ll still come in last place because everyone else is fucking the boss! What am I supposed to do, Rafael?” She wiped a few more tears and stood up.

“Mr. Barba,” he said. “And you work harder, Grace. Like everyone else who’s gotten passed up for a job they really wanted. You dig in deeper, you don’t look for the easy way out.” He bit the inside of his lip and shook his head again. “I think you should leave.”

“I am so sorry,” she whispered, not able to look at him as she hurried out of his office.

Rafael let out a breath as he closed his eyes and brought a hand to the bridge of his nose. It seemed just when he thought the ordeal with Abby was behind him, it was coming around again, tenfold. Not only had Buchanan given the press just enough for them to find out everything that had happened with Abby--or at the very least the rumors that were still making their way around Hogan Place--but now an intern had propositioned him and it was only a matter of time before someone would misread that as well.

With his luck as of late, there were likely people outside his office right now that saw her leave in tears. He could only imagine what they would be saying the next day.

Sighing in frustration, he gathered his briefcase and left his office.

When he arrived home, Roxie had just finished putting away the dishes.

“Hey,” she said with a smile. “You hungry? I made brisket.”

“Sounds delicious,” he replied, dropping his briefcase and leaning on the island. “We never got a chance to talk about the other night.”

“No, we haven’t,” she said softly. “We should probably do that now then. If you don’t want Amber around Liam, I can’t say that I understand but I can respect it. I won’t have her around him.”

“What made you do a 180 all of a sudden?” he asked.

“Because I know you’d do the same for me,” she said softly.

“Well...to be fair, you don’t understand because I never told you the whole story of what happened between us all those years ago,” he replied.

“Would you care to tell me?”

He sighed as he sat down on one of the stools at the island. “Amber and I had only been dating for three and half months when we talked about moving in together. It was unexpected, but she and Y/N lived in Boston, I lived in Brooklyn, we were commuting every weekend just to see each other...it just felt like the right thing to do at the time. So she moved in with me and over the next few months, I started to fall in love with her. For a month, I didn’t say a word about it to her...until one night while we were...being intimate, I told that I loved her.

“She said she loved me too and I remember feeling...the most happy I’d felt in a really, really long time. We talked a little afterward about our future...not making any plans or anything just...to me it felt like we both saw ourselves together in the future. I told her I loved her again...just to be sure she hadn’t said it in the heat of the moment and she said it back again. The next morning, I woke up and she was gone. She had taken everything she owned; her clothes, her toothbrush...she’d even disconnected her phone. And I didn’t hear anything from her for seven years.

“And when she did come back, she acted as though nothing had happened, as though I had no right to be angry with her because it had happened so long before. She harassed me at work, she forced her way back into my life. On top of that, even though I had a girlfriend, whom I was deeply in love and happy with, Amber told me that she still had feelings for me...and it was like I was sucked right back to that moment in time when all I wanted was to be with her and make her happy. She’s manipulative...and cold...even now, she isn’t a good person.”

He sighed deeply and ran a hand over the back of his head.

“So it was never just that she broke my heart, because she didn’t just break my heart. She traumatized me and for years after I couldn’t let anyone in, not even as a friend. In some ways, I even kept my sister at arm's length, but...that was also for other reasons. I was alone. The only person I really had that I knew had my back was my mom. And for a while...a few years ago, I thought that I could get past what happened between Amber and I and be friends, but the more time I spent around her, the more I saw the way she treated people...I didn’t like the way it made me feel. I felt completely guarded anytime I was around her, like I couldn’t relax, I couldn’t let my guard down, even for a second. And I don’t want to feel that way, especially when I’m with my family.”

Roxie frowned as she listened to her husband explain and suddenly everything made sense. His discomfort whenever Amber was around didn’t seem so unwarranted anymore. When he finished, she stepped forward and pull him into a tight hug, squeezing him against her body.

“Oh Rafael,” she whispered. “I am so sorry she did those horrible things to you.”

“Thank you, but I made peace with it a long time ago,” he replied. “If there was one good thing that came of her moving back here, it’s that I found closure with what happened. I’m not angry and I wish her the best, I just don’t want her in my life and I don’t feel comfortable with my son being around a person like that. It’s bad enough that you’re friends with her, I don’t want our son brought into that.”

She nodded. “I understand why, she won’t be in his life. I promise you,” she said as she hugged him tighter. “I love you so much Rafael.”

“I love you too,” he replied.

The front door opened and Helena walked in, smiling at the pair. “Alright, I’m all stocked up for the next few weeks. We have everything, except for cumin!”

Roxie chuckled and wrapped her arms around Rafael, kissing his lips before pulling back, hissing in pain. “Ow, bloody hell,” she complained, hand moving to her stomach. “That’s a bad one.”

“How far apart are they?” Rafael asked, helping her to the couch.

“Five or six minutes. I’ve been having them all day,” she said as she eased down into the couch, rubbing her belly.

Rafael’s eyes widened and he couldn’t help but grin at the thought of them finally getting to meet their son. “Okay, so...we knew this was a possibility, you’re 37 weeks...let me call Y/N to let her know we won’t be making Nevada’s birthday and fill the tub.” He looked up at Helena, who was already pulling her phone out. “Will you call our midwife? Her number is right on the fridge.”

“Yes!” she exclaimed, springing into action.

“Okay, Roxie, just relax. I’ll get the tub ready, okay?” Rafael said, going into the bedroom as he pulled out his phone and dialed your number.

“Hello?”

“Hi, we can’t make it tonight,” Rafael said through a grin.

“Oh no, is everything alright?” you asked softly.

“Everything is fine. We think Roxie’s in labor,” he said, cheeks hurting from the grin he wore.

“What?! That’s amazing! Rafi I’m so excited for you! Do you need anything?”

“No, we’re fine; Helena is here, the midwife is on the way. We’ll be fine, I promise,” Rafael replied as he started to fill the bathtub and went back into the living room. “Tell Nevada we said happy birthday.”

“You better text me pictures,” you demanded.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Rafael answered in a snort. “I gotta go.” He hung up the phone and looked up at Roxie. “Okay, bathtub is filling up, is Heidi on the way?”

Roxie nodded, rubbing her belly and giving Rafael a slightly panicked look. “37 weeks seems a bit early,” she mumbled.

“What are you talking about, honey?” Rafael asked in a chuckle as he sat down next to her. “Heidi said after 36 weeks, you could go into labor any time. We’re right in the pocket, everything’s fine.”

She kept her breathing steady and moving her hand into his. “Liam is very adamant on coming,” she said with a half smile, squeezing his hand.

[abdicatedarchive]

not a date || rose and asher

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍: TBD // early march 2021.

𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: rose x asher.

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐒: drug mention.

𝐃𝐄𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐒: rose does her best to keep up her side of the bet, asher is not exactly thrilled. 

Rose got off her bed and changed out of her sweats in preparation for Asher picking her up to go get a slice of pizza. She figured that it would all be harmless, she was definitely not going to lose the bet with Marina over Asher. He had made it abundantly clear that he was available any time she wanted, and it made it easy to say no. She loved the chase, and with Asher there was no such thing. It was either on or off. She heard a knock on her door and opened it, bag in hand, "Let's head out" she said with a smile as she stepped out and locked her door behind her.

Asher slipped on a pair of jeans and a black tee shirt and headed over to roses dorm. Asher promised to be on his best behavior and he was willing to see how@long that lasted. Either way, him and rose could hang out without it being like that. Knocking on her door, the brunette smiled. “Hey babes. You ready?” He said “alrighty, let’s go.” He said with a smile as the started walking out of the dorms.

Rose walked by his side as they left the dorm building, "The real question is, what kind of toppings man are you?" she asked, you could tell a lot about people by the kind of pizza toppings they get. It was always a band conflict when it was time to order pizza, there were just a lot of differing opinions and they almost always had to split things or just say fuck it and get plain cheese. Sometimes it was strange walking campus with Asher, he had been here longer and had a very established reputation, she tried not to think about it. That was very high school of her to think about what other people were thinking of her just for walking in the evening with a boy. No one actually cared here, in fact most people just minded their own damn business. It must be the trauma reaction from having a gossip page at school.

Asher shrugged. "I mean, I'll eat anything on my pizza. I'll even eat it all." He said, He wasn't picky at all. He loved all different kinds of pizza. Anything would make him happy really. "What do you like on your pizza?" He questioned. Asher knew he had a bit of a rep around this campus but he didn't really care. No one cared to look beyond the surface of him so he only gave them surface effort. Except for Rose, she was able to see deeper, understand him a bit more and he liked that, he liked having someone that could see past the hot jock with a nice  dick game.

Rose continued to walk by his side, "I like artichokes, olives, and red onions" said the girl, "pretty much any veggie pizza." Their friendship is weird, she knew that he used her like he used everybody else. But at least most of the time they were able to cut the bullshit and just be friends, and good ones at that. She also wasn't totally blameless, she used him from time to time too. Of course, with the bet that was completely off the table. God, why did she suggest it? But a challenge was a challenge, and it had already gotten her out of her comfort zone.

Asher shrugged. "Thats cool, Yeah I just hate mushrooms, well the non drug kind." He said with a laugh. "So, I want to know a bit more about this challange? I mean, What Marina doesn't know doesn't hurt her and you know me. I can keep a secret babes." He said with a laugh. "Either way, Its just a weird bet to make, it could last months." 

Rosemary laughed when he asked about the challenge, "I would never betray the sanctity of a bet. It's a moral code issue. If I cheat, then all rules are off the table for the next one, and that's no fair" said Rose, laughing a little. The whole thing was really ridiculous, she had no idea why she suggested it in the first place. "Yeah, but we're both in a weird place right now, and not distracting ourselves with people is probably for the best. It's also good to get out of your comfort zone, I dunno" she explained as she looked up at the stars. "Hopefully it won't last until the summer, that would be awful. One of us will break, and if it was worth it, I would" she admitted.

“I do give you that, cheating isn’t fair.” Asher said, he just liked to temp people. Rose was hard, she knew what she wanted. People like Romeo Asher could have wrapped around his finger and play them like putty. He respected the hell out of rose tho. “Honestly that sounds pretty healthy if you both.” Asher said with a nod. “But yeah, if it lasts till the summer I’d be surprised. I could never go that long without flirting. Sometimes I’m flirting and I don’t even realize. I’m also a hot mess so there is that.” 

"There's also a difference between intentional flirting and unintentional flirting. I think flirting that would lead to anyone asking for your number or to hangout counts. But banter is another thing. I don't think I can physically talk to someone and not be a little tease-y flirty" Rose said, thinking out loud. They hadn't really discussed what defined flirting, but she believed it was if you were planning on something. "I mean, all three of us are kinda a hot mess. Flirting is just second nature" she said as they came up to the restaurant.

“I give you props, Hollingsworth. You impress me. And I will be watching carefully and reporting any flirting I see if you directly to the queen herself.” He said with a laugh. He opened the door of the pizza place for her. He might be a fuck boy but he did know manners. “After you,” he said with a smile. “I’ll do some extra flirting for you, you know, out of solidarity. I’ll be flirting for two next party.”

"Wow, thank you so much for holding me to such a high standard" said Rose giving him a playful shove. That definitely didn't count. "Thank you" she replied as he opened the door for her and smiled. "Awww, how sweet. Think of me when you do it" she teased, her and Marina had gone to a few parties so far under their new conditions. They had had a lot of fun, the night always ended with drunk eating and spending time with their girl friends. It was actually kind of refreshing to not go to some grimey dorm room with a guy and not know what you're in for.

"Of course, anything for you babes. You hold the highest standards in my eyes." He said playfully, though he did respect the shit out of the girl. "I know, I am just the best. And lets be real, would I think of anyone else?" He said playfully. He had that issue, not necessarily with thinking of Rose... sometimes it would be Romeo, other times MAdden, most of the time it would be David beckham or Megan Fox. Asher had some good friends, but he was never too close with many people and sometimes that hurt him sometimes. But thats what he liked about rose, she was always there when he needed it. "So what kinda pizza do you want, it's on me."

The girl smiled, she enjoyed her time with Asher. He could turn it on when he wanted to, she had to give him that. He was a little much for some people, but she thrived off of messy people sometimes. With the right energy, you could clean them right up. She had Asher pretty together when he was around her. "Just cheese pizza" she said sweetly, it was to avoid any complications. She liked food orders to be cut and dry, no options for anyone to have to pick anything off or any way they could do it wrong. How could anyone mess up a cheese pizza? "So what's with the chivalry this evening?" she inquired, wondering why he was on such good behavior.

Asher smiled. "You got it." He said ordering a cheese pizza and handing the dude his debit card. Turning back to her he smiled. "What? I can't be a jerk all the time, It does get boring you know." He said playfully. "Plus I promised to be a good boy today, so I am." He added in. "Why? I heard chivalry isn't as dead as everyone thinks."

She laughed a little, "I mean chivalry is archaic as an idea, but you playing nice is a treat." Somedays Rose didn't even know what to do with Asher, but he had a good heart under all of it. That much she knew for certain. "What are your weekend plans looking like?" she inquired.

"I mean, I am totally pro feminism, yall run this world, but chivalry is nice from time to time." He said with a shrug. "My weekend plans? Well I have football training on friday, and intramural lacrosse practice, but that just means friday night is a drinking night, probably out with the boys, saturday day recover and repeat. Sunday recover and bang out a bunch of homework."

Rose shrugged, "I think it's kinda harmful to the whole thing, but I did use the word. So that's on me" said Rosemary, thinking about her favorite teacher from high school would definitely shake her head at that. "Sounds like you're pretty busy" she teased, "are you going to have time for little old Rose Holly?"

Asher nodded. "Yeah, I am def pro feminism. Stick it to the patriarchy." He said with a smile. "I also know how to be mannerful, even when I don't seem like it." He added in. "Eh, I like keeping busy. Or else I get bored, but of coure. I always have time for you, rosie." He said as the guy handed them their pie. "Wanna find a place to sit?"

Rose half smiled at his use of the nickname, it was strange hearing that from someone outside her family. She knew he meant well, it was just very personal. Sometimes it caught her off guard. "Aww, I always have time for you Asher" she replied sweetly. He was a good guy, and she knew that, "Lets." The two found a table towards the back, there were a bunch of big groups taking up the majority of the tables. Pizza places on any night were always packed.

Most times Asher played above the line. He didn’t even realize Rosie was a family nickname. But again even if he did he would probably call her it anyway, he liked it for her. “So what are your big weekend plans?” He said as they moved to the table. He opened the box up and handed her a plate.

Rosemary thought for a second, "well, I'm going to a party on Friday, studying all Saturday, band stuff on Sunday and workouts all in between" she said with a smile as she grabbed a piece of pizza and put it on her plate. "and of course some face masks and time with mari" she added before taking a bite of her pizza, "you have any particular conquests in mind for this weekend?" she pried.

"Sounds action packed." He said with a smile. "Ah Rina. Facemask sounds fun and relaxing. I hope you enjoy." He said before taking a bit. "Conquests? Nah. Whoever is interested in a good time and seems like fun when I'm crossed." He said with a laugh. "That or that cute blond on the cheer team, I've been dying to see under that little skirt of hers."

"No conquests, but mild conquests" she said with a laugh as the cheese slowly pulled between her mouth and the slice. Rose didn't know who worked here, but whoever it was really knew what they were doing when they made this pizza. "Do you mean Chanel, or one of the other blond girls?" she asked, curious.

"I mean like, I always have someone in mind, like, I'm a active male with high sex hormones. I gotta keep it up to keep myself sane." he said playfully. "No not Chanel, that girl Kylie. The flyer that is hella flexible." He said with a smile. "She doesn't even have to fuck me. I just wanna see her bend."

"Kylie is really cute" said Rose with a laugh, "not that I approve of you messing with any of my teammates." He was crude, but that was just Asher. Rose took a bite of her pizza, enjoying the much needed food. "You must have a backup, who is after Kylie?" she taunted.

“Yeah she seems nice too which is a different pace for me.” Asher knew he was a player, but it wasn’t like he was breaking hearts. He liked to have sex, it brought him pleasure and he didn’t mind sharing that with other people. “She is the backup. You are always number one” he said throwing a playful wink at her

"Be careful with nice girls, they aren't as resilient as the guarded ones" she toyed, she thought it was a protective layer but she didn't really know how deep the damage was from being cheated on and toyed with throughout high school. She thought she was just having fun after everything, but it only caused more damage. "No flirting, this is your warning" she said laughing a little, "I'm so serious about this bet."

“Don’t worry I know the drill. Leave my emotions at the door, be clear about what I want and don’t call her the wrong name.” Asher said with a laugh. He knew his actions were a protective measure. After everything he had been through with his dad and now step dad, he never let anyone get to close to him emotionally. He couldn’t take anymore pain. “I was just testing you and had to make sure my devilishly good looks didn’t bring you astray” he said as he finished up his slice of pizza

"Funny boy, but for real. You don't want to ruin your rep with the whole cheer team, I've already done so much positive reinforcement" said Rose laughing a little. "I think I can manage" she joked, "but solid try. I give you a 5/10 for pursuit effort."

Asher shrugged. “Ehh. I don’t really care what people thing to be honest.” Not entirely true, but okay Asher. “I mean, I got what? Two more years here and then I’ll never see 90% of these bitches again. Like the weirdo in the chem lab, never see him again. Chad in the baseball team? Nope. You, jet and the Bois? Kidding of course I’ll see y’all again” he said playfully. “ can’t blame a guy for trying, am I right?”

"You never know who you're going to see again, that's the whole point! Good impressions all the time" said Rosemary, but she was also still sadly very concerned with how people viewed her. It was hard balancing fun and hardworking, and she thought her and Marina pulled it off well, but that was also just her opinion. "I mean, I can blame a guy for anything" she joked.

Rose did have a good point, especially if his dream of pro ball took off. They everyone would have stories of him. “I mean, yeah true. But also people these days are so judgmental, no one likes to just have fun and keep it casual anymore.” Asher pointed out. “ like I don’t care what someone ate for breakfast or what their zodiac is. And listening to some girl babble on for hours is draining.” Asher looked up at Rosemary. “Never me though. I always have an alibi”

Rosemary smiled, "Well just to have you know, I am a Leo on the virgo cusp. I'm an ESTP and an enneagram three" she said, a smirk forming. She did love to push his buttons, "and trust me I could go on for hours. I have plenty of times with Marina." She did find all of that stuff really fascinating, and honestly it wouldn't hurt Asher to listen to girls every once in a while.

Asher smiled nodded and did the basic guy not listening card. “Really? Wow! I would have never guessed that.” He said looking up at her. “I’m also a tiger with a Pluto rising and a devil sinking.” He added in just to be funny. “Wanna hear me roar?” He said throwing a wink. “Kidding kidding. But what I was saying is that when they pull the zodiac card then they start going deep into our compatibility and if we will get married and have kids and it’s kinda creepy

"Sweetie, I didn't mention my moon or anything. I'm talking about the enneagram" Rosemary teased, playing the hurt girlfriend. She couldn't imagine what it was like to actually date Asher, Rose had never seen it ... but she also figured that he shaped up quite quickly under the right circumstances. "It's just a fun thing, let people like what they like Ash" Rose reminded him.

“Well I don’t want to hear about your butt test.” He said making a disgusted face. “I thought only ok’d people get enneagrams.” He questioned, showing he didn’t quite understand the word. “They can like it, that’s cool. But I don’t want to get married.” Asher knew when the time came he could be a good boyfriend. He just never let anyone get close enough for that to happen. Rose was different though. Out of pure curiosity he somehow let her slip through his guarded gate and he didn’t mind. 

"Asher the enneagram is a personality test, not a prostate exam" said the girl, laughing at his confusion. At least he was an idiot in a funny way, she always laughed around him. "You say that, but I can imagine you married someday. She'll have to be a very very very special girl" said Rose as she took another bite of her pizza.

“ are you sure? Isn’t the butt water test called an ennema?” He questioned. “I don’t need a personality test, I already know I’m fabulous.” He added in with a laugh. “Well I mean yeah one day but not right now. I’m to young and hot.”

[esseastri]

Megan Reads Oathbringer (part 6)

tfw you go to work halfway through a liveblog post. not a good feel.

Part 6 encompasses pages 394-476 (previous parts)

Okay, sleep is good, but it’s back to my boys time.

Only Dalinar would consider healing himself in a vision “cheating”

I’M SO EXCITED FOR DALINAR’S OTHER SURGE

let’s get some new magic up in here

“Welcome to my madness, ladies.” DALINAR PLEASE, that’s the most ridiculous greeting ever.

Navani getting all overly excited about an ancient fabrial is delightful. She’s like a kid on Christmas. Though if this leads to her figuring out the design and getting lil Regrowth machines out into the world so people can heal, that would be magnificent. And seems like exactly the thing she’d be planning on doing.

THERE WAS A TEARFUL MOTHER-DAUGHTER REUNION!! THERE WAS ONE!! I’VE BEEN ROBBED

I genuinely love how every time Dalinar orders the Stormfather to do something, he’s like “wtf dude, no I don’t take orders from you” but he does it anyway.

sooo..most of the time when a Radiant dies, their spren dies, too. But the Stormfather was actually...enchanced? by Honor’s death. Obviously, Honor isn’t a Radiant, and I get the feeling that the Stormfather wasn’t his spren, but there’s a certain similarity in that they were clearly connected in some way--if they weren’t, why would his death affect the Stormfather at all? So why did the spren memory loss thing work the opposite way for the Stormfather--that he was fuzzy and forgotten while his connected being was alive, and more sure of himself now that Honor is dead?

“Dalinar squinted, but he still couldn’t make out which were human and which were not.” I feel like that says something, doesn’t it? If you can’t tell the humans from the parshmen? the maybe you’re not so different after all? Maybe you all die the same way, you all bleed and fight and die the same way. And maybe the things you’re fighting for are different, but there’s something to be said for looking at things from a different point of view.

oooohhh honey, is that what they told you? That the Heralds ascended to the Tranquiline Halls? God, humans so want to believe the best of people--as a general rule, we are an optimistic race. We want to believe things will get better or people won’t disappoint us. The betrayal of the Heralds wasn’t even a thing they could comprehend. Why would their gods abandon them? Surely, it was because they’d earned a better afterlife, not because they were tired of being tortured and just...walked away.

I’m emotional about the surprising resilience of humanity, but also of the marvelous ways humans lie to themselves to make themselves feel better.

I’m also emotional about the Heralds. That’s a constant thing though, sort of goes without saying.

ARE WE ACTUALLY GETTING INFO ABOUT THE HERALDS!!!!!?? AAAHHHHHH WHAT

FINALLY

Wait, are you telling me that the Desolations--all of them--were started by vengeful, angry ghosts????

vengeful, angry Parshendi ghosts.

that’s...marvelous.

OOHHHHHHHH

THIS IS MY SHIT THIS IS MY JAM. TEN PEOPLE PUTTING THEMSELVES IN HELL TO SAVE EVERYONE ELSE AAHH THESE PEOPLE

strong, selfless, sacrificing people

who got tired. and fucked up. and broke. and I’m

goooddddd this is MY SHIT THIS IS MY FAVORITE GIMME THIS WHOLE NOVEL AAAAHHH

AND THEN THEY WENT BACK KNOWINGLY KNOWING WHAT WAS WAITING FOR THEM THEY WENT BACK AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN WILLINGLY KNOWINGLY I”M

I AM EMOTIONAL ABOUT THE HERALDS

also the Stormfather slowly gaining humanity/perspective on humanity is a beautiful thing to witness. Like, yeah, we got it with Syl and Pattern and will with other spren, I’m sure, but it’s wild to see it in the soul of a storm.

HE WASN’T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE THERE HE WASN’T A KING HE WASN’T ANYONE SPECIAL HE WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE THERE AND HE WAS THE STRONGEST OF THEM AND HE NEVER BROKE HE NEVER GAVE IN AND HE WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE THERE AND I”M

TALN

TAAAAAALLNNNN

I’M CRYING

I”M C R Y I N G

I AM UPSET ABOUT THE HERALDS

FOUR AND A HALF THOUSAND YEARS

(also that’s a lord of the rings reference I never noticed before, good job)

oohh shiiiiiittttt. they are reborn literally every nine days how the hell do you fight that

haaa um. the letter in the epigraphs--”it was agreed that no two Shards should settle in the same place”--my dude...you’ve got a limited number of inhabitable planets in this system. hate to break it to you, but... y’all were gonna end up in the same places. ..

“Everyone who might have been able to help us is crazy, dead, a traitor, or some combination of all three. Figures.” 1. Kaladin pls. 2. No, they can’t be dead. that’s too convenient. and also if they’d died before Taln escaped, he would have had someone there to help bear the torture burden and maybe wouldn’t have broken? Or...maybe I’m assuming Taln is stronger than he was there at the end.

Also, Kaladin, you don’t get to be self-righteous about the Heralds. I know you suffered and were tortured and survived with your oaths intact, but you almost didn’t--you reaaaally almost didn’t--and your tortures weren’t nearly as bad as theirs.

“Maybe that should make you reconsider those other wars, rather than using them to justify this one.” GET REKT, DALINAR. GOD, WHAT AN IMPORTANT LINE.

See, Shallan, that’s the beauty of Kaladin. He doesn’t consider whether or not something is “the sort of thing you say to the Blackthorn.” He knows what’s right, or what should be right, and he knows what needs to be said, and he frikkin says it. That’s one of the marvelous things about him--it’s not that he doesn’t care about the consequences, it’s that the consequences of him not speaking are worse. Because if he doesn’t speak, he doesn’t have a chance to change minds or hearts at all.

“You, three of your men, the king, and Adolin.” GOD BLESS THIS ROADTRIP

MMMMMMM YEAH NOPE

No wonder Jasnah and Taravangian got along so well; they have the same world philosophy. Murder a few people on the off chance that that might stop everyone else from dying.

Pragmatic, but ultimately horrible. And probably ineffective. The Heralds already broke. There was only a single year between the last two Desolations. It is highly likely that they any of them did go back now, they would simply break immediately and you’d have the same problem right away.

Usually, Jasnah has good ideas, but this is just. stupid.

ALSO THE FACT THAT HER ONLY OTHER SUGGESTION IS GENOCIDE OF THE PARSHENDI IS REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE. COME ON, JASNAH, YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT.

Listen, I don’t think Jasnah counts as a really good therapist, but at least she’s...trying? to help Shallan? Shallan really needs a therapist.

“Is there a solution?” “I don’t know.” “Perhaps...act like an adult?” Amen, Pattern. Aaaaaamen.

Here’s the thing: I fully 100% understand that Shallan is a sheltered, frightened, PTSD, abused child who can’t confront her problems and therefore hides in various identities because it’s safe there. The problem is that this is the end of the world. Nothing is safe. And acting petulant because you want to sketch in a corner and hide and the big adults are forcing you to help save the world? Not an endearing quality.

I know she has panic attacks whenever she thinks about confronting her problems, and panic attacks suck ass, but you need to work through them? At some point, if you really hate yourself that much, you have to stand up and decide to change? Decide to be better. Shallan has said several times that she hates herself and she wants to change, but she refuses to actually do that. And yeah, it’s fucking hard, but there comes a point when you just have to grow up.

~*~unpopular Shallan opinions with Megan~*~

“Was she perhaps simply not interested?” Ace!Jasnah #confirmed. haha

Okay but like...Jasnah would never train you to be only a “mousy scribe” like...what the fuck, Shallan.

oh of course. Skybreaker...

Okay, so there’s the Sons of Honor--now Amaram’s domain. The Ghostbloods. The Diagram. Hello Darkness My Old Friend’s Skybreakers--which we know from Edgedancer were working on Ishar’s orders. The listeners and the parshmen. And us. the New Radiants. That’s.....a lot of groups with very conflicted purposes and goals.

Someone else in Amaram’s army was close to bonding a spren? and Hello Darkness took them out... Was that the other voice Syl was talking about? the first person she heard? who the heck was it.

“How long will Shallan go before she remembers we’re here?” Aw, Gaz, it’s like you think she cares about you guys.

I AM FREE FROM WORK AAHHH

going to work for 8 hours mid-liveblog just sucks y’all. Anyway. On we go!

“Teft woke up. Unfortunately.” I KNOW THE FEELING, MY DUDE

also good finally please tell me what my boy has been up to/where he’s been disappearing off to

......why this

we didn’t need a drug addiction subplot. why this.

also OOH HE HAS A SPREN? What type. It’s automatic to assume Windrunner, but what if it’s not?

WELL, I’M GLAD KALADIN AND ROCK FOUND HIM wtf we didn’t need this aargghhhh

We’re...really not going to get Azir, are we? I mean. that litany of what the Sunmaker did to them...I’m not freaking surprised that they don’t trust the Alethi. I wouldn’t. That’s horrible.

Dalinar has a point about living long enough to see his consequences though. And he’s actually doing a pretty good job of owning up to his mistakes and dealing with his consequences.

Probably wouldn’t hurt to, like...apologize to Azir though.

OMG LIFT HI

HI BBY GIRL I LOVE YOU

how the heck did she get in here though? is this some of her connected-to-the-cognitive-realm stuff?

pfff Gawx just being so excited to see her thas cuuutte. Besties 5evar.

OOHHH THE ART IN THE BUBBLE IT’S GOT THE PATCH RIPPED OFF

OHHHHHH OOOOOOHHH OOOOH MY BOY. MY MOASH. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he’s alive I’m

aaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

pfft “stew”. nothing will ever live up to Rock’s, I’m sure.

oh wait shit okay

I did not remember that Moash’s king-killing friends were Diagram peeps...I’m assuming we knew that in WoR but I did not remember and that’s... Why would Taravangian want to kill Elhokar? That wouldn’t do much to destabilize anything--that would just put Dalinar more firmly in charge... hm.

unless Taravangian wants Dalinar in charge because he know Dalinar trusts him... dangit. okay.

MEANWHILE I”M UPSET ABOUT MOASH

at least he didn’t throw the patch away. he can sew it back on when he comes back

OH GOD HE’S IMAGINING THEM BEIN HAPPY WITHOUT HIM AND I’M SAD? HE MISSES THEM SO MUCH

AAAAAHHHHHHH

n ooooo he didn’t tell them he didn’t want them to hate you it’s okay just...come hoooommmeee

OH SHIT NO NOT FUSED COME ON

LET HIM LIVE

I S2G

HE GOT A SPEAR OKAY HE’S GOT THIS HE’S THE BEST THEY HAD OH GOSH OKAY

COME ON, MOASH, YOU GOT THIS

“BRIDGE FOUR, BASTARDS” THAT’S MY BOY

IS HE GONNA BE OKAY

WHERE ARE THEY TAKING HIM

WHY ARE THEY TAKING HIM

STOP THEM FROM TAKING HIM

LET HIM COME HOME

I”M CRYING STOP PUT HIM BACK LET HIM COME HOME I MISS HIM

I legit thought he was going to kill Moash, I was ready to drive back to Utah, I WAS READY TO YELL AT PEOPLE OH GOSH

huh. art page: why are the sails on the bottom? Are these air ships? stick the sails into a highstorm, let it push you along on the winds? that...would be dangerous but REALLY COOL?

“Red, stop trying to make deevy a thing, it’s not gonna be a thing.”

it’s like groovy but worse sounding

so when is Ishnah, the espionage lesbian, going to call Shallan’s bluff?

Sorry, Veil’s bluff.

I feel like Shallan’s plotline in this book is just that Onion headline that’s like, “Area [wo]man thought breakdown would be more obvious”

I love Shallan being jealous and suspicious of Adolin’s flames, but Janala isn’t the one you gotta worry about. Danlan’s the one in the Ghostbloods. Ghostbloods? Diagram? shit, I’ve forgotten which evil organization she’s in... or if it even matters. She hasn’t shown up again, has she?

idk, Jasnah, Shallan was justified this time. Anyone making fun of Renarin definitely deserves the Sarcasm Bludgeon.

But Shallan, you weren’t invited on the boys road trip.

though, tbh, that could be fun...

BUT KALADIN JUST LEFT REVOLAR. MOASH JUST ARRIVED OR WAS DRAGGED WHATEVER BUT KALADIN JUST LEFT. THEY COULD HAVE SEEN EACH OTHER, KALADIN COULD HAVE HELPED HIM ESCAPE, HE COULD HAVE COME HOME.

ARRGGHH

“They had no reason to obey the lighteyes. They had no power, no authority.” That’s the problem with tradition. With having something so societially ingrained that you can never shake it, because you don’t think to try.

Moash no. don’t... don’t run yourself into the ground pulling wagons, please, darling, just... don’t die. Don’t give up. Stand your ground, find a way, come home

the letter in the epigraph: “Rayse is contained and we care not fot his prison.” yeah, uh...you gotta....you gotta do maintenance at the very least...to make sure he stays in prison? like...just...check the locks every once in a while? idk. this seems like it might be your fault if he escapes...

Sigzil being scientific and doing tests on them all is still so endearing. I love him.

Also poor Skar. let the man get his squire on, pls.

also, someone who can draw, please, please do an art of Rock doing the “Horneater victory dance” and skipping through a field of wildflowers and butterflies. Please. This is important art.

they still leave a hole in the conference circle for Moash, and hi this is my ghost I’m dead now bye

god, Kaladin would make them do squad formations in the air. Is there a goose-migration vee formation?

SKAR IS A GOOD. A GOOD TEACHER AND A GOOD GLOWING PERSON AAHH

Hey, guys, did you know I love Bridge Four?

[creativitytoexplore]

First Urges: A Homo Monstrum Chronicle by Kevin Stadt https://ift.tt/2WBj9vA Alex lands a date, just in time for the plant-based Apocalypse; by Kevin Stadt.

Alex had no way of knowing that the seeds of a new world had already sprouted, could not have imagined how man would mutate before the close of day. He sat in the back corner of a Northern Prairie Community College classroom, watching a fat black and yellow bumblebee hover over the spring peonies outside the window. The flowers led him to think of her, and he shifted his gaze to where she sat several rows over. Covered in freckles, eyes almost as dark as the black hair she always seemed to hide behind, wearing a blue sundress, heavy black boots, and a full sleeve of tattoos down her left arm, she typed on a laptop as the teacher lectured. The debate in his skull drowned out the class discussion of Cormac McCarthy. She's WAY too hot for you, dude. You look like Ed Sheeran with a gut. But, while she exerted a gravity on him that made paying attention in The 20th Century American Novel impossible, none of the other guys even appeared to notice her. Maybe she just presses my particular buttons? He leaned back in his chair. No way. You wouldn't even be able to get a sentence out. A parade of embarrassing memories of talking to girls crowded his consciousness. The discomfort growing on their faces as they watch him try to get the words out. The way they try to let him down easy, usually with something like, "I have a boyfriend." Dr. Owen, an ancient white-haired professor with a hint of Texan drawl, interrupted Alex's thoughts. "Alex, any ideas?" He felt his face warm. "Uh..." Dr. Owen leaned on the podium, book in hand. "Well. If you don't know the answer, I guess we're all in trouble. You're my go-to guy." "Just zoned out for a second. C-c-could you please repeat the question?" "What do you think of the significance of the title, Child of God?" "I think no matter how dark the main character gets in the story, he's still just a human on some level. Whatever we might become, we were all k-k-kids once. Started out innocent, children of God. The world ch-ch-changes us into monsters sometimes." "Very good answer. Thank you, Alex. In McCarthy's work, many characters..." Alex relaxed as the attention shifted away from him. He straightened in his chair and glanced at her. Their eyes locked for a moment, then she looked down and brushed her hair out of her face.

Alex stepped in dog shit. "God damn it." He raised the bag of food he brought home from his shift at the Korner Kafé to balance as he gingerly lifted his foot. A rusty Honda Civic pulled up to the trailer next door. The neighbor, Ricky, swaggered out onto his porch with Zeus, a massive Doberman. Zeus's beady eyes darted back and forth between Alex and the car, and his sharp ears alternated between pricking up and swiveling backward as he growled. Ricky's skeletal frame swam in a black Insane Clown Posse hoodie as he waved the car to pull closer to the trailer, and his tight jeans did nothing to hide the device locked onto his ankle. His skin seemed little more than a thin patchwork of meth-mite rash and neck tattoos laid over a skull. The Civic's window rolled down and Ricky pulled something out of his hoodie pocket as he bent to it. The guy in the car took it and exchanged it for cash in a smooth, practiced move. As the car pulled out and Alex and Ricky each approached their respective front doors, Alex paused to make a little show of wiping his shoe in the grass. "Hey man." Ricky lit a cigarette and squinted at Alex through the smoke. "Hey." Alex tried to affect a friendly, joking tone. "Dude, I just stepped in a big pile of dog poop in our yard. Can you maybe have Zeus not drop those b-b-bad boys over here?" Ricky cocked his head and took a drag. "The lady on the other side of you has a dog, too. I think it was hers." Alex took a deep breath. Part of him seethed, but another part of him knew starting trouble with Ricky wasn't a great idea. "Dude, Mrs. Scott's dog isn't half as big as the d-d-dump I just stepped in. And anyway, she picks up her dog's business with a bag like every time." Ricky narrowed his eyes. "Wasn't Zeus." Rational fear slid into the background of Alex's brain, and anger dissolved his inhibitions. "Man, I've seen him shit over here a dozen times since you got back. My little brother plays in this yard. Or at least he used to before that dog showed up." Ricky flicked the still-burning cigarette toward Alex and pulled his hoodie up just enough to reveal the black butt of a handgun sticking out of his waistband. "Fuck off, dude. And don't ever talk to me again." Then he loosened his grip on the leash just enough so that the Doberman suddenly shot forward several feet, making Alex jump and drop the bag of burgers. Ricky laughed and flipped him off before disappearing into his trailer with a slam of the door. Alex picked up the bag and muttered to himself about calling the cops as he climbed the front steps, taking his shoes off on the porch before coming in. "Ma? I'm home." She came down the hall beaming at him and hugged him tightly, still wearing a skirt and blouse from teaching. "Aw honey, you didn't have to buy dinner. I could have made something. I'll give you the money for it." "It's okay, Ma. You were up to your eyeballs in second g-g-graders all day. Tony made these for us because I stayed a little after work to clean out the back room." She took the bag and squeezed his arm. "It's just that you do so much. I wish you didn't work this hard." "Oh, stop. Where's Justin?" "In his room doing homework. I told him if he wanted to play that video game with you later, he better get it done now." Alex followed her into the kitchen and leaned against the counter, lowering his voice. "Ma, I think we should call the cops on the n-n-neighbor." She stopped unpacking the burgers and let out a sigh, looking older than her forty-eight years. "Please, Alex." "Come on, Ma. Dude's selling drugs in plain view. We can't have that around Justin. Not to mention, half the time that fucking Doberman is r-r-running loose -" "Language." "Justin can't even play outside anymore." "Believe me, I know. But if he gets arrested again, his mother will be destroyed. I honestly think it could kill her." Alex rolled his eyes, but she held up a hand. "No, seriously. He's Lorraine's world. And her doctor just put her on medication for her heart. Says she's at risk for a 'cardiac event'." "Come on." She stepped closer to him and put a hand on his cheek. "Lorraine's been my friend for almost twenty years. Let me talk to her. I'll see if she can get him to stop." Justin appeared in the doorway wearing a green Hulk t-shirt two sizes too big for his skinny build. "Get who to stop what?" Alex waved the issue away. "Nothing. You hungry?" The boy's bright blue eyes grew wide. "Did you get sweet potato fries?" Alex lightly punched the boy's shoulder. "Yeah. But just for me and Ma. Forgot to bring you anything." Justin started slap-boxing at Alex and within seconds they were laughing, yelling, and wrestling their way out into the living room over their mother's protests that they should wash up and come eat.

A few minutes before the next lit class, Alex's heart skipped a beat as he pretended not to notice that she'd sat right next to him. He feigned indifference, locking his eyes onto last week's notes, all the while wondering at the amazing scent he could just barely pick up on. A hint of perfume, or maybe her shampoo? Something sweetly floral. Is she looking at me? Alex read the same line of notes over and over, trying to act natural. Her pen hit the floor next to his foot. He bent over in a flash, then cursed himself for doing it too fast. As coolly as possible, he held it out to her. To his horror, he heard himself say, "You dropped your pen." You dipshit. You think she doesn't know she dropped her fucking pen? But when she took it she smiled, said thanks, and brushed her hair behind an ear. "Hey, you work at the Korner Kafé, right?" Please, please don't stutter. Just this one time. He cleared his throat. "Yeah." "Thought so. I'm pretty sure I saw you there once." Alex nodded, completely blanking on what to say next. Jesus man, SHE started a conversation with YOU and you are dropping the god damn ball here. But talking about being a dishwasher at a greasy spoon didn't seem like the kind of thing that would score him any points, and he had a hard time seeing a logical transition to a different topic. After a few moments of excruciating silence, she said, "So do you like McCarthy?" His mind buzzed with calculation. He'd got the sense that a lot of the women in the class weren't fans of the author - too focused on the dark, the violent, the transgressive. They might have liked The Road, but Child of God was probably a tough sell. Yet he told the truth. "Yeah. He's my favorite novelist, actually." "Totally. Genius, right? By the way, I'm Megan."

She started chatting him up again as soon as Dr. Owen finished class. He almost felt lightheaded with the impossibility of it, and kept wondering if he was acting weird. Dude, doesn't matter. Don't get your hopes up. As they emerged outside into the spring afternoon sun, he assumed they'd naturally part ways. Should I ask her out? Or maybe I should just take this as a victory for now and wait to see if she sits by me again next time? A group of guys pushed through the doors behind them. One held up his phone for the others to see, and as they passed by, said, "...some kind of alien-looking shit making people lose their fucking minds." Megan squinted and shielded her eyes. "Which way are you going?" "Home." He gestured toward the path that wound through Miller Woods toward the trailer park. So, let's tally up all the ways you're selling yourself to her: you have a menial job, a stutter, and live in a trailer. "No way. You live in Deer Park?" He tried not to deflate too visibly. "Yeah." "Awesome. My cousin lives on the north edge of Deer Park, and she's like my best friend since forever. I practically lived at her place there on the weekends when I was a kid." "Really? I live on the other side. Must be why I never saw you there." "Maybe you did. Who knows?" "No. I'd for sure remem-" He caught himself and his face warmed. She smiled and elbowed him. "I'll take that as a compliment. Hold on and let me text my cousin. If she's home, I'll walk with you. Okay?" Minutes later, his brain struggled to process the fact that he was walking alone on a beautiful spring day with Megan. As the campus receded into the background and the cool shade of the woods surrounded them, they talked about friends, family, and school. "I feel like I should m-m-major in something more useful than English, but I really l-l-like literature." God damn it. He'd done pretty well up to now, but suddenly his stutter was locking him up. He cursed himself silently and gritted his teeth. Megan said, "Hey, I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I totally had a stutter until like the fifth grade. So... I don't know. Easier said than done, but really you don't have to worry about it or feel weird about it. At least not around me, I mean." He let out a breath. Oh my God. You should totally marry this girl, dude. "Cool. Thanks." They strolled in silence for a moment before she said, "Whoa. Look at that!" Megan stepped off the trail and approached a bizarre plant almost as tall as them. A thin, craggy, purple stalk held up a single flower like nothing Alex had ever seen. Hundreds of wispy, black, thread-like tendrils dangled from a central bulb. Alex caught its scent. Somehow it smelled like a heady combination of home, of love, of childhood and possibility and hope. It smelled like happiness, and he closed his eyes and pulled it deep into his lungs. "God." He wanted to say more, but suddenly putting a sentence together felt like a monumental, confusing task. Alex found his feet taking him right up to it. The thread-like tendrils waved, and for a brief moment some quiet part of his brain noted that no breeze blew. Megan stepped nearer, too, closing her eyes and putting her face so close that her nose almost touched it. Alex did the same without consciously deciding to do so. The flower's tendrils reached out to him. They caressed his skin, each glancing touch setting off fireworks in the pleasure center of his brain. Alex saw the flower doing the same to Megan, and for an instant a thought passed through his mind that this was weird, that flowers didn't normally do this, but the notion broke apart before it even fully formed. One of the tendrils found Megan's ear, then another her nose, her mouth, and her eyes. The threads snaked into these openings, and she shuddered as if in climax. Alex sucked in a breath as the wisps penetrated him, too, every opening on his skull. He pushed his face even closer, nearly losing his balance and wishing only that the flower had more threads and he more eyes and ears and noses. Psychedelic fireworks of color exploded in Alex's brain and he heard himself groan. He was dimly aware that he'd fallen to the ground. His vision smeared and slid as dizziness overwhelmed him, and his consciousness ebbed away by degrees into the sweet relief of blackness.

When Alex came to, he found himself lying on the ground in the dark near the plant. Megan was gone. His phone vibrated in his pocket, but when he took it out he couldn't think of what he was supposed to do with it or how it worked, so he dropped it. He noticed fibrous white roots covered in fine hairs reaching up out of the ground around the plant, and an intense desire to bring the flower food overcame him. Alex set off through the dark, aware that he could see everything perfectly in the moonlight, that he could hear every animal skittering in the darkness, that he could smell the trees and earth and even the worms beneath his feet. What's more, his mind was quiet, almost empty save for the occasional clear impulse. Gone were the incessant words, scenes, and stream-of-consciousness dialogues of his old mind. He crossed neighbors' yards in a straight line toward his trailer, and he heard Zeus already growling at him a hundred feet away. Without deliberation, Alex broke into a sprint toward the sound, propelled by a strength and speed he'd never imagined before, and at a dozen paces distant leaped toward the dog and came down on Zeus's neck with his knee and felt it crack and the body go limp. Some part of him recoiled in horror at what he was doing, but another part of him reveled in it. What do you think of that? Not so fucking scary now. Alex snapped the dog's chain with little effort and turned back toward the woods, dragging the Doberman through the neighbors' flower gardens. When he threw the animal's carcass on the root system, a moan escaped his throat and his legs turned to jelly. The roots reached out to the body and attached to it everywhere. An image flashed in his mind - he saw himself throwing the Doberman on the roots again, but this time with the dog alive. The ache of pleasure that followed brought Alex to his knees.

The next thing he knew, he found himself standing in the dark in Justin's bedroom, watching the boy sleep. Something in his mind, an insistent impulse, wanted him to take his brother to the plant. He stepped backward and scrunched his eyes shut, shaking his head. His own voice rang out clearly in his skull. No, not that. Anything but that. Less than a minute later he stood in his neighbors' house, next to Ricky's bed. He could hear the sleeping man's heart beating and blood flowing and could smell the pizza Ricky had eaten for dinner, the hot dogs he'd had for lunch, his soap and socks and breath. The giddy anticipation of bringing the plant such a prize mixed with the perverse thrill of transgression and the warm adrenaline charge of impending violence. He grabbed Ricky's t-shirt and Ricky's eyes popped open, his face a mask of shock and anger. Alex watched the neighbor's hand shoot out and snatch an aluminum baseball bat positioned near the head of the bed, and without thinking or even realizing what he was doing, Alex swatted Ricky's face with an open palm. Ricky grunted and went limp, falling back on the bed with a smear of blood on his cheek. The neighbor's breathing and heartbeat continued. Alex lifted his own hand and studied it. A thin, needle-like claw with a drop of sharp-smelling viscous liquid at its tip retracted into his palm. As he breathed heavily, part of him sickened at the claw, at the whole scene. What am I doing? But as soon as the objection appeared in his thoughts, it garbled and glitched and slipped away. His mind hummed only with the urge to throw Ricky to the flower. And when he did so some minutes later, the bliss visited upon him brought tears to his eyes.

In the clear light of morning, he padded in through the back door and kitchen making no more sound than a cat and stood behind his mother, who sat on the edge of the couch watching the news with a hand held over her mouth. The screen flashed images of men in hazmat suits examining plants just like Alex's, and then video of EMTs working on a woman as they rolled her into an ambulance. "...dozens of attacks in the Green Oaks area overnight. They appear connected to the appearance of the unidentified plants, and authorities warn local residents to stay home, keep doors locked, and above all avoid the plants and anyone who has come into contact with them. Call 911 immediately if -" Alex felt pulled in different directions. He wanted to hug his mom. To talk to her and say sorry and be forgiven. To understand what was happening. But he also ached to hunt. He shifted his weight and the floor creaked. His mother shot up with a scream and turned around, her eyes wide and hands shaking. Tears fell down her face, and she mouthed words that he couldn't understand. She took a step forward and reached out to him, stopped, cried harder, and pulled back. Visions of slapping her and throwing her on the roots flooded his mind. He bent over and punched himself in the head over and over, trying to drive them out. Putting together even one simple syllable took all his will and concentration, and as he grunted the word through gritted teeth, he suspected it may be the last human language to pass his lips. "GO!" While he battled to root himself to the spot, some foreign growl in his chest, the spike in each palm popping out, his mother sprinted to Justin's room. Alex clenched his teeth and fists and his whole body shook in a cold sweat. The last thing he saw of his family was his mother running through the front door, pulling Justin along in his pajamas, both wearing expressions of sheer terror.

When he returned to the plant again, this time with two neighborhood cats, Megan was there. He tossed the cats to the roots and shuddered with the pleasure of it and noted a new human body face-down next to the flower, a large, bald man. Megan spoke no words but smiled and hugged him with a strength that drove the breath out of his chest. The happiness of being in her arms compounded with the joy of the plant seemed almost too much for one heart to bear. As she pulled back, he saw excitement written all over her face, and she gestured mutely toward the flower. Since he'd last seen it, the plant had sprouted several clusters along its stalk, each of them with a dozen long, thin, orange seedpods. Megan regarded them thoughtfully for a moment, then chose a lighter-colored pod and picked it. She took a bite from it, then held it out to Alex. Black seeds dotted the yellowish, creamy flesh of the fruit. He took a bite, and the rush of it was such that he had to pause regularly as he chewed to moan and get his breath. Alex let the fruit roll on his tongue before swallowing it. It tasted like some combination of strawberries and grapes, but with a mind-numbing narcotic jolt. They ate and regarded the corpses in various stages of digestion around the plant, several human-sized, many more pet-sized, roots enveloping each with hairy, groping filaments. The decomposition and absorption of the carcasses struck Alex as sublimely beautiful. Before long, though, a new craving began to set in. Megan, too, seemed to feel it. She glanced around restlessly and let out a low whine. As the moments passed, a vague need to move on grew pressing, and a weight settled on his chest, making it harder and harder to breathe. Sharp pains began to stab him in the gut. Finally, Megan took him by the hand and led him away. The farther they got from the plant, the better Alex felt. They walked a long time, avoiding houses and roads and the distant wail of sirens, across the newly-tilled corn and soybean fields of their town, and those of the next two towns. They hit upon a creek and followed it until dark. The creek wound its way eventually into woods, a place Alex had never been before, and as they surveyed the surroundings, he felt pressure in his bowels. He scanned the woods with unguessed calculation, feeling for the right place. A spot of earth, equidistant between several trees and dark with rich soil, spoke to him. He bent over it and dug a hole with his hands, glancing up to see Megan doing the same elsewhere. Then he pulled off his shoes and pants and left them there and squatted, careful to pass just a bit of stool into the hole, then lovingly and painstakingly covered it. Alex found another spot some ways off, and another, and another, until between them they'd dug and filled in a dozen holes. When she rejoined him, he looked into her eyes and knew she felt the same joyful longing as he, and they set off in the dark, hand in hand, to find food for the precious, hungry young.

[amandaj718]

Emmerdale Live and Organized - October 19, 2017

Welcome to the pre-show. Some announcements before I move on. I will not be around on Friday to watch live. I am getting my ‘blonded’ back up, and a haircut (Thank god!) and I will be watching and giving my opinions on the episode later on in the day. Watch this space for more information!

Alright. What is on my mind today. Negativity. I’m seeing a lot of negativity again on my dashes and feeds about this storyline. Which is fine. I get negative too. Being negative is healthy. It saves you from being taken for a ride.  It keeps your brain thinking of all angles of a situation.  

However, you can’t stay in negativity for long. There needs to be a healthy balance. Half positive and half negative. We all know the negatives, but I’m listing some positives. I’m positive Ryan will be amazing. He has been amazing during this whole storyline, and I better see some awards with his name on it. Fan related or otherwise. I am positive as we go forward the groundwork for the reunion will be laid soon. Robert and Aaron have to start talking at some point. Even if it is just to help Liv out or even to check in on him, something has to move there. Another positive? The more we push forward the closer we get to the Whites exit.

A lot is happening and being negative is fine, but don’t forget the positives too. There is always a light at the end of the dark tunnel my friends. My advice? Find some bitch buddies. Create a private chat and get out all your anxiety in there. It makes life so much easier.  Also? Don’t stress over things you cannot change. Sit back, get your bitch buddies into the room and enjoy the show!

Also. GOATS.

Let’s crack on shall we?

The Home Farm

Rebecca is the stupidest person in the history of all time. She can’t be this stupid. She made a point of saying Robert isn’t involved. Like, she wanted his name out there.

Did they work really well together? We never saw them together other than a few scenes?

I see Rebecca is the new favorite daughter. How long will that last for?

So…Robert didn’t kill him. How do I know? As my dear friend Justine said, “His face didn’t match the face he made when Katie was accidentally killed.” I agree with her (as per usual).

There is Robert’s in. “I did this for you!”

Ryan is amazing! *THROWS ALL THE AWARDS AT HIM*

Is the brandy still drugged?

Here come the Lawrence and Robert stuff. GOD. I’m laughing and cringing.

The Café Crew

Bob and Brenda were adorable. Dancing together. Cute.

I don’t understand the Frank and Megan relationship now. They are back on, but he still vowed revenge. Maybe it's over now. The revenge stuff at least.

Daz is acting weird. Stop acting weird dude. You are finally getting it together! Oh. Never mind.

Oh boy. Daz owes money. This will get nuts.

Moira’s Farm

Moira decided to vacuum while the baby was sleeping in the same room? OH BOY.

Victoria is so obsessed with babies she is going to kidnap one, isn’t she? HA.

Faith is right. Every generation thinks they know better. My mom told me that once.

Victoria. VICTORIA. FAITH. Moira is drowning. SHE ISN’T INTO HER CHILD! Oh boy.

Moira is in such a dangerous state. *BUBBLE WRAP*

“Where is Victoria?” “The wannabe child expert?” – Faith *LOVE IT*

That baby just snuggles up to people. He is so freaking cute!

OH. Moira. Honey. Two kids. No Holly mention. *sad face*

The Factory

NICOLA! Hey girl! Whats up? I just saw her scenes with Jimmy and how they met. They are adorable, and I love them so much.

Jai is in denial. I’d want her to get the best help as soon as possible.

The Pub Crew

Tim tried to run Chrissie over and Robert “saved” her. *LMAO*

I LOVE ROBERT JACOB SUGDEN WITH ALL MY HEART.

Considering Tim “hates” doing this he went along with things easily. *side eye*

Chrissie hugging him. *HA*

OH, MY GOD. He is setting up Tim now. I LOVE HIM. This story is just so dumb. I love it. I love it so much. All part of the plan? Wow. Did a Robert plan actually work?

No. It didn’t. IT NEVER DOES. *HA*

So, I’m TEAM TIM. He wants to take out all the Whites? Fine by me! *Have fun storming the castle!*

Rebecca didn’t seem all that upset that her sister was almost killed. She did at first award then she just stood there. Blinking. What the hell? Was that scripted that way or is that just more wonderful acting from Emily?

HA! Maybe I was right. I think Harriet will be questioning her faith and her time as a vicar. I think Katherine would be amazing at that type of storyline.

Kerry and Dan’s Place

Seriously. Stranger Danger IDIOTS! Don’t they teach that in the UK?

Amelia is going to get hurt. I can feel it. Oh no!

Oh. Poor Daz. His past is just slapping him across the face.

“It’s Just Stuff.” – Kerry (truth) I love that she is offended she didn’t want her stuff. *HA*

Amelia has a mouth on her. I love that!

‘It’s Just Speculation!’

As per usual: Stay off the message boards, respect each other’s opinions, breathe, reboot and eat a Snickers. If you want to talk theory or the show come on over to my twitter and Tumblr @AmandaJ718

Until next time, see you around in Emmerdale!