#and i dont have the emotional space and time to try to date someone that lives closer/has easier time meeting.

[technicalthinker]

woke up this morning having dreamed about a lot last night (including some very vivid stuff with a guy i dated so long ago which gave me a bit of a crisis) and felt a bit iffy, but it seemed like it was lessening over the day, surely no problem-

nope. sure is. it's time to sleep now and my body and brain is so unsettled. want to hide in my bed and never get out. googling 'spring depression' as we speak.

[rxmxa]

random astro observations part 14. ⋆.˚🦋༘⋆✨

✨just for fun im just talking random ass shit based on PERSONALL observations..✨ part 13 here. 🎬

tw: mention of death on the last observations.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅pisces, cancer and scorpio risings WILLL be treating the date like a job interview. With that earth 7h (virgo, capricorn and taurus) TRUST that we have checked out your references and will get back to you in 2-5 business days. 💅 but no fr we need security bc we are real strict over here.🔒

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅its only to protect our hearts bc we just truly desire someone we can emotionally connect with (water 5h) and also be open to talk to about our fears and desires and the other shit we keep to ourselves (air 8h + 12h) 😤

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅my friend was telling me about how the lines that actors get immense praise for end up being improvised most of the time and that really reminded me of the aqua-leo axis. When you detach and are willing to experiment (aqua) the more likely you are to be recognized because you are becoming in tune with your natural talents (leo).

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅Every single time I'm in the shower I always get an epiphany or an idea of some sort or make a connection (usually its me thinking about peoples birth charts LOL) but every single fucking time im like wtf I gotta remember this when I get out this is good ass info! and I always forget!!!

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅^ It has to be my uranus in the 12h triggering that. Uranus= sudden downloads of information. 12h= secluded spaces, like the shower. I guess thats why I forgot so easily though (real 12h subconcious shit). Next time im bringing a whiteboard in there or some shit

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ I was talking to my pisces venus coworker and she was saying that for as long as she could remember she had always daydreamed of love. She said she would was always trying to mold herself into the ideal version of what her crushes liked (its in her 7h) and as a 7h sun myself I was shook but I also understood how this happens even in a subconcious way u can mirror people. but the love she's looking for is literally HERS. she has so much love to give and she was like who can accept this? YOU. GIVE it to yourself.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ She had been in a relationship before with someone who was SHIT person but its like she kept forgiving him or in a sense blocking it out. like thats the thing about pisces placements they will talk about some unhinge ass shit someone does to them in a such a casual way it will have you being like oh okay for a sec until you're like oh,, oh yeah no thats bad.. really bad. I say this as a pisces rising.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ and AGAIN AND AGAIN that's what helps me as someone with a lot of neptune aspects, a pisces rising, pluto squares, pluto in the 10h, lilith in the 11h, like ppl have done me FUCKING DIRTY in social and groups settings and I use to make it so much worse for myself by not nipping it in the bud. that's why anytime someone does some shit that FEELS FUCKED up you take that as a sign.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ^ dont sit there and try to rationalize it, dont try to put logic in it, dont talk about how well, when they were in 2nd grade their hamster died so maybe its their trauma. When people show you who they are you ACCEPT IT. if someone does something that a piece of shit would only do, then accept that maybe they suck. I dont mean your friend forgot to get you a straw when they bought you a drink. I mean when people do shit on purpose that puts your well-being (emotional, mental, physical) in harms way. trust me bby ik what im talking about >___<

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ and honestly, if you are plutonian or have a lot of neptune aspects or saturn in your chart as well, you're gonna learn shit the hard way. With different energy ofc. Pluto energy = will have you learning through trauma like someone passing away or trying to sabotage you. Neptune energy = will have you learning through deception like someone backstabbing you. Saturn energy= will have you learning through roadblocks, like other people being able to get shit the easy way out like a parent paying for their stuff and you having to bust your ass to get it.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ pluto in your chart can also show where people try to humble you, not like a saturnian restrictive way but more like to put you in your place because they could feel intimidated. for ex I have pluto in the 10h and my coworkers will say backhanded shit like "Oh woooow you really are going all out huh?" like instead of being normal and being like wow that is great work! they try to subtly hint that maybe im the one doing too much instead of it being them doing the bare minimum.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ If you have pluto in the 1h people could just say in general that "you're too much" or "too much to deal with" or "abrasive." Pluto in the 3h and during conversations people might look around, eyes wide, wanting you to tone it down or say that you're being inappropriate or too intense. Pluto in the 4h and people ESPECIALLY your family trying to humble you by bringing up the past: "Oh you like that now? I remember when you were a kid you..." Pluto in the 4h will especially get humbled by their family anytime they want to change or try something different than the way they were raised, like girl?! this is a family not a damn CULT.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ I have a pluto in the 4h friend who has family members that will tell the most fucked up stories about what they do to each other but then sigh and be like "but family is family so we have to accept them" or her family members say stuff like "blood is thicker than water." like no... pluto in the 4h ppl, family is who YOU CHOSE!

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ I have a coworker who is sooo nice to me but still theres something that makes me feel suspicious of her and it makes me feel so bad BUT TO BE FAIR she does have her mars in my 7h and we did have a slight rift when we first started working together. but even now, im still like do u secretly hate me...

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ She has mars in the 12th house and I also feel like thats a big factor in it because 12h house energy is so... MUTED. with placements there you really gotta focus on peoples subtle acts of support that reveal their intentions versus their words (or lack of). And so far she has been a very supportive and helpful coworker. But yeah thats 12h energy honestly like my friends brother is a cancer sun and mercury in the 12h and she feels like hes so unloving and unsupportive and its bc baby boy is not gonna be straight up telling her! she needs to watch his actions, his mannerisms. she needs to understand him more through his actions over time rather than words. ofc it varies from chart to chart.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ people with 12h mars could often have people WONDERING, "oh are they mad at me?" or sun 12h ppl could have people wondering, "oh what are they hiding from me?" or mercury in the 12h could have people wondering, "Oh, what is that they are not saying?"

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ Do you follow your profection years? For me, it’s wild how they line up. When I was in a 7H year, I got into my first serious relationship (classic 7H relationships vibe). When I was 7 years old, in my 8H year, my dad passed away (8H ruling death). Fast forward to my 9H year (travel), I visited family abroad after four years—that’s the longest I’ve EVER gone without seeing them.Then, in my 10H year (careers), I literally started my career. My 12H year? traumatic as fuck (I got into a serious car accident with friends and my back was fucked up and my friend had internal bleeding) but honestly the aftermath of that really forced me to grow the fuck up and surprise surprise, all of that happened bc I wasnt trusting my gut on who I was hanging out with. but anyhoo. Now I’m in a 1H year, and it’s all about me. I’m actually focusing on myself and being way more gentle in the process. It’s been kind of nice, honestly. if u wanna know yours just google annual profections it'll show u the wheel :)

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ Saturn transits in your chart mean fucking BUSINESS! I remember my friend got married when saturn (commitments) was transiting her 7h (marriage/ contracts). Saturn transits will have you reflecting on what you want long term in your life and what desperately needs to be checked in on or discarded or cleaned up.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ Saturn in pisces transiting in my first house had me acting right. I remember when a "friend" aka someone who was at fault with that whole car accident shit (someone who I dont speak to anymore) had asked me to do some shady shit after it. I was like FUCK NO! no bc 1) I have integrity but also 2) if I tried to take the easy way out or bullshit I knew saturn was gonna beat my ass HARDER. im glad I trusted myself and was the bigger person.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ Saturn was still transiting my 1H during the accident, but it had just come out of my 12H, where I was actively in therapy. In my 1H, I’d been feeling way more at peace and healed, so when I started making questionable choices with who I was hanging out with, it was like Saturn decided it was time to knock some sense into me.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ Me: walking on the ledge, ignoring my instincts, hanging with toxic people Saturn: "Don’t do that, you’re gonna fall." Me: falls Saturn: "DIDN’T I FUCKING TELL YOUUU?!"

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ but you know you live and you learn and at the end of the day it could have been so much worse (aka all of us being dead) but me and friend made a full recovery and everyone else had minor injuries.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ I was watching this video called "the root cause of addiction" and in the video he said that at the end of the day we're are just looking for ways to go back to that child we once were and to experience genuine joy. and that was so 5h coded to me. He said in the video we do things like cooking or play video games because we want to get that joy back. The 5th house is all about sex, good fortune, art, creativity, pleasure, entertainment, birth, children. We really can use our 5th house to actively nurture our inner child.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ for example, cancer or moon in the 5th house wants to go back to space where they feel safe, warm, and comfortable. feeling free to express ur softness and vulnerability. a place you love going back to! they can do this through cooking, baking, or watching your childhood favorite movie with family.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ the little things, like baking a pie or getting out an old art project help us connect with the childlike wonder and happiness that we still have inside us. You can find your own special, simple pleasures by looking into the 5th House in your chart. And even if ur childhood was not the best (I completely get that) you can nurture your inner child now !! your hobbies and fave past times r not silly they matter too

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ and think about the 5h-11h axis, if anything your hobbies and creativity (5h) helps you find your people and be in groups that actually align with what u love and care about (11h)

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚and think about how sometimes that hobby or passion (5h) can bring u immense success, recognition and profit (11h)

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ with pluto in aqua we are going to see people (aqua) transforming (pluto) their lives in all aspects in regard to their hobbies and passions (5h). People are gonna continue to explore what they love and find their niche and for some their success will skyrocket over night, for others the process might be slower. think about the ppl making bank rn from tiktok videos organizing their fridge. bc it just makes them happy to do it.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ tw: death. I'm not trying to end on a dark note, its merely a thought I had so please take this with a grain of salt. but speaking of pluto in aqua, that reminds me of this video I was watching about how the Romans would have the Gladiatorial games, where combatants fought each other or wild animals to the death, BECAUSE they were so overindulgent in all other areas in life....

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ like you have sooo much that your idea of pleasure just gets distorted in this sense. what do you want when you have had everything?. The scale of these events was astonishing, with sometimes hundreds of animals being killed in a single day. Pluto in aqua is going to transform the way as a society we view, experience and talk about death.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ there are ppl that are gonna have so much wealth and power and be so fucking bored that maybe in 20 years from now someone gets jailed or some shit to try to recreate that. I remember reading this story in high school about this rich man who had an isolated island and he would have people lost on it to hunt them for sport. iM NOT SAYING we're about to get put on the wall like those deers when pluto goes into aqua, im SAYING THO that shit like that, ideas like that, could pop up

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ I was also thinking about how pluto in aqua could mean more video games or tech or simulations (aqua) where you can try out how it feels like to die (pluto). like you can pick how and what you want to feel. some kind of shit like that. tech is only gonna keep getting more and more advanced now. we talk about the ipad kids and how they be on there typing and facetiming ppl and therye like 2 but imagine the kids growing up during pluto in aqua, I already know theyre gonna think we're soo uncool hahaha

[ninanly]

“in another lifetime?”

pairings: teen! geto x teen! fem reader tw: angst a/n: this is my first post so bare with me (Ｔ▽Ｔ) part 2 → here

divider: @cafekitsune

“love is the most twisted curse of them all”

they say, suguru was hurt to say the least, he didn’t think rejecting you would cause such a big outcome in the friendship. every text, call, or even voicemail he sent was never replied to, and it left him with an unexplainable ache in his chest.

he gave you the necessary space he knew you needed, but hours turned days, days turned into weeks, and throughout that time he grew angry. even if the romantic feelings you harbored would never be returned, he still had love for you— platonic love of course.

afterwhile days and hours of questioning himself, he finally manifests the courage to knock on your dorm room. 

“why are you ignoring me?” he asks straightforwardly, immediately getting to the point. he stands there with furrowed eyebrows and a nonchalant face, masking his true emotions. 

your heart drops as you’re greeted with the tall man, i mean out of all people.. him? “what do you mean?” you ask innocently, acting as if nothing is wrong,  holding on tightly to the door handle ready to close it on him once more.

he lets out a small annoyed groan and steps inside as if the space was as equally his as it was yours. “dont play dumb with me y/n.. you’ve been avoiding me for weeks ever since i—rejected you.” suguru says, his voice trailing off as he pauses to search for the right word. he shifts his weight to one foot and folds his arms across his chest, the movement bringing his eyes closer to yours. “you stopped answering my calls and texts. is it that deep? did i hurt you that much?”

your eyes widen and throat became numb, clearing your voice as you begin to speak, “suguru you’re a great friend truly.. but me hanging out with you isn’t gonna help me move on. every second with you i get butterflies, my words begin to stutter, i’m trying to protect myself before i get hurt even more.” you say your voice slightly scratchy.

suguru remains silent, his eyes not moving a millimeter as he listens to your words. every second your eyes are locked with his, another breath of air comes out of him. he knew you were right—spending time with him will only make matters worse. but the thought of not being around each other after all these years, losing all that friendship that meant so much to both of you, hurt suguru more.

with careful steps, he closed the distance the room put between them. standing only inches apart, he hesitantly speaks, “then why not date someone else?” he says blatantly which earns a sigh from you. “its not that easy suguru..” you answer softly. 

suguru sighs, lowering his head slightly. he’s aware that your feelings for him arent something you can just switch off with the snap of your fingers— at least now he is. dating someone might be a challenge, but even attempting to move on is better than giving yourself hope for a relationship that will never happen. 

he takes a step back, eye contact breaking with yours, his gaze now on the ground. “are you really sure you can’t get over me? that the thought of me even being with someone else doesn’t bother you?” he says not knowing how rude it sounded.

ouch. you stand there in disbelief, words struggling to come out of tour mouth but you manage, “i mean— of course its gonna bother me.. but its my fault i caught feelings..” you say in a slight mumble loud enough for him to hear. you move your hand up to his cheek, slowly rubbing the soft skin with your thumb. “you have rights to your own feelings, and you know yourself better than anyone. and that's the same for me. it's not your fault i caught feelings, but getting rid of such strong feelings for someone you desperately yearn for isnt easy, suguru.” you state firmly, still slowly rubbing his cheek.

he shivers at your touch, his hand curling into a fist, why was he so angry? he knew how much he missed this, your touch, your voice, your presence. how come your words cause his body to feel hot and cold at the same time?  why did it have to be this difficult? why couldn’t he just fall in love with you right back? the two of you seemed so compatible as is, so why couldn’t he bring himself to return your feelings?

so many questions running through his head, yet little to no answers. your touch bringing him back to reality once more. “there must be someone else for you.. i—am sure we can find someone for you..,” suguru says, refusing to lose his childhood best-friend.

you smile softly and nod, “there is.. i’m positive the universe has someone planned for me, it just hurts knowing its not you. but someday i will stop falling in love with you.., someday someone will like me like, i like you” laufey reference?? you say softly removing your hand from his cheek, still keeping your composure— refusing to look so weak in front of the man you thought was meant to be. 

his eyes drift away again as you remove your hand. he can’t help but feel a slight sense of relief, but at the same time a small tinge of guilt. of course, there would be someone better suited for you— you deserved nothing less than the best, he thought. 

the silence that follows hangs in the air between you two. there wasn’t any point in pressing the issue any further. if only those feelings would dissipate like they were supposed to. 

“im sorry.” you say, your eyes looking towards the ground as well. suguru looks up at you and shakes his head. “don't apologize” he says, voice softer than usual. you didn’t have anything to be sorry for. he was the one who couldn’t reciprocate your feelings. if anything, he was the one who needed to apologize. “just promise me you’ll move on and find someone who’ll make you just as happy as i did,” he says quietly.

you smile softly but your heart drops at the thought of it not being him. “I promise, but until then.. this, can't go on.” you say a tear streaming down your face.

his mouth tightens as he nods his head, trying to hide the bitterness that came with being reminded of the situation at hand. but in his heart, he truly wanted nothing more than to spend his one life with you by his side.

but he had already made the decision to reject your confession. it wouldn’t be fair to string you along with hopes of change. “i understand..,” says suguru, his voice hoarse as he takes a step back, he begins to turn around before you speak once more.

“in another lifetime?” you ask, tears streaming down both your cheeks now, you feel as you hit rock bottom. 

suguru’s body freezes, he turns back around as his eyes flicker towards yours. his heart skips a beat as he takes in your words… such a simple sentence carrying so much weight. he swallows hard, your question leaving him at loss for words and forcing him to fight the urge to close the distance between you two. if only it was that easy. “yeah, in another lifetime…  i would love that..” he says as he makes his way towards the door, leaving you there crying. forced to fight for your own battles,  against the enemy you once called love.

a/n: FINALLY THIS WAS IN MY DRAFTS FOR A LIL AND I WAS DEBATING IN POSTING IT OR NOT.. mb for any typos.. (´ ᴗ｀✿)

[drdemonprince]

woof. your recent posts really resonate with me especially now that im making more gay and trans friends, im meeting so many cool nonmonogamous trans people that seem to have casual sex with basically all their nonmonogamous trans friends and like. its almost giving me a complex where if i think someone is cool and want to be friends with them, even if im not attracted to them, i have a perception that the only way to befriend them is to pursue them sexually. or that if they dont wanna fuck me when they fuck all their other trans friends that means there's something wrong with me (again even if i don't particularly want to fuck them!)... i love being trans and poly, and i love having more trans and poly people in my life, but sometimes i think about this one reddit comment where a dude said he noticed his gay friend had way more fun at straight bars than gay bars bc at straight bars he wasn't worrying about his appearance/body image/validation/sexual prospects

yeah honestly i get this so much and it's a very dismaying swirl of emotions to have. i don't like fucking friends. at all. it actively makes me feel unsafe and like i'm only useful to someone insofar as i'm satisfying a desire for them. it makes me feel more disposable. plus im insanely jealous if i have an actual emotional connection with someone i'm fucking so i wouldn't do well in a whole poly queer mish mosh of dear devoted friends who also sometimes bang. i would be plotting the downfall of the people i was most primed to view as a threat and sowing discord between people and shit. not good.

i also think it is a little fucking concerning when people only date/have sex as their sole way to make friends, and are only friends with people they want to fuck. this tends to create a very homogenous friend group that is heavily restricted based on desirability politics. it's also just really objectifying and unsustainable.

now i must say!! this is very much in the minority of poly people -- poly people are generally fucking AMAZING at being friends because even as just their buddy they treat hanging out with the same degree of intention and care as they would going on a date. they can hang! they want to go out and do things! they're more practiced in building a new intimacy of *any* kind than most monogamous people are.

it's just that there are some weird culty up their own ass bad boundaried polycules out there, in the same way there are abusive, codependent, jealous, miserable fucking monog couples.

but even tho most queer and poly people are more ascended than that, yeah, there is a weird unsettling constant self-evaluation that can happen in spaces where fucking almost anybody is theoretically on the table. some of that is a problem in how people treat one another, and some of that is just insecurity in between your own ears.

i get it fully. im hyper conscious of myself and how i imagine im being perceived and how people are seeing me when im out in queer spaces. and most of it is me being fully insane and making myself miserable based on nothing. because literally who cares who is attracted to me in that space and who isn't??? what matters is what i want in that moment, and my behavior, which i have control over. i should be able to just float around smiling at people and dancing and chit chatting and if someone is feeling my energy and we can talk, great, if they try to make it sexual when i dont want it to, i can just walk away. like it fully does not need to be that deep.

but it's a hard internal hurdle to overcome and every time someone hits on you, ignores you, misreads your identity, etc it can be used by your mind as fodder for The Narratives and The Insecurities and make things worse and it really has to be an intentional practice to not do that to yourself.

if you can bounce along carelessly in the straight club because you're not worrying about how people see you, you can bounce along carelessly in the queer club and not worry about how people see you. literally treat queer people the same way you'd treat straight people who seem perfectly fine but are not your problem and not a focus for you. you can stop trying to mind read the intentions of every queer person and stop sizing yourself up in their eyes and not worrying about who is fucking who and who is in love with who and who is secretly jealous but pretending not to be. and just. hang out. and feel things out. and exist in your own body and pay attention to what interests you and what you are experiencing rather than how they are experiencing you.

i say this as a reminder to myself!!

[thesophistiicate]

im not trying to act all high and mighty, im just genuinely confused by this... i truly dont understand girls who allow themselves to be put in degrading situations the same as the last anon? surely its glaringly obvious that man just wanted a body to use? i know i sound so mean but im genuinely actually confused whenever i hear or read girls talking about experiences like that i find it very hard to understand what would make them give the most undeserving men access to their bodies and souls like that... i can kind of understand if you sleep with a man for the first time and he treats you badly after but what i dont understand is going back again and again and expecting a different result. at that point maybe youre a little to blame as well? why would you even sleep with someone who youre not even in a relationship with? im just very lost i thought by now we all know better than to give just anyone our time. i see this even in my girl friends, theyre all so beautiful and intelligent yet they date terrible men that shouldnt even be allowed to breathe the same air as them and when they inevitably cheat or hurt them they genuinely get heartbroken and then they start to tell me about things the man has said to them and show me their text conversations and in my head im like "hes telling you right there in that message that he doesnt care about you..? what did you expect..?" sometimes it feels like girls get into situationships and relationships just to get themselves hurt on purpose because, and this is gonna sound so mean but i dont know how else to word this, but theres no way people can genuinely be this blind and stupid. i just find it so hard to feel sympathy for girls who numerously get shown and told theyre only being used for sex and still stick around for a different outcome. is that what love supposed to be? am i the one with the twisted understanding of love? am i missing something? i hope im not coming off as heartless or conceited, im genuinely confused i just dont know how to express or word it well

i'm happy to hold space for expressing thoughts imperfectly or even harshly, so long as we are willing to find understanding and not stay stuck in judgement 🤍 i would say the challenge for you here is learning to stay out of judgement (it is all right to acknowledge that's not how you would act, but attaching value statements and labels like 'stupid' don't help you be kind and don't help anyone else thrive either), and leaning into empathy (finding understanding when someone acts in a way you wouldn't, rather than judgement and frustration).

i say this as someone who used to be really judgemental, not to tell you off, but because it's so good for the soul to learn this growth. judgement and labels are easy, it's far more difficult to build the emotional intelligence to hold space for nuance and complexity, to extend compassion and nurture even when somebody is making imperfect decisions.

i think that you're someone with a really good level of self worth and self respect who cares about others too. that's so amazing! the best thing you can do is continue to hold your standards and lead by example. you aren't the one who has it wrong at all. healthy, respectful relationships aren't like this! keep your standards high, show your friends examples of high standards. as much as it will feel like they aren't listening, sometimes a simple, fairly neutrally toned: "wow, you deserve better" or "geez, i wouldn't put up with that" or "that's not normal" will linger and have more long-term impact than you realise.

i know it's easy to look in from the outside and say, can't you see it?! he just sucks!! or to look at the end of a crazy story and be like, girl, there was SO many red flags wtf!! (lol me at my past self!) but when you're in the middle of it, it's actually really hard. these people are master manipulators and they know how to keep their victims hooked. love bombing, mixed signals, disrespectful treatment to lower self worth... it's a wild ride inside the storm, you simply cannot see clearly because they are committed to obscuring the view.

at the core women get themselves into these situations because of low self worth. it's why i talk about it ALL THE TIME, it's SO CRUCIAL. when you don't value yourself, you put up with being disrespected. the more you are disrespected, the lower your self worth drops and the more bad treatment you accept. it's a toxic cycle. it's the exact same dynamics as in any abusive or domestic violence scenario (even if the relationships aren't abusive and he's just casually disrespectful - that is the beginning of abuse), and it's pretty well researched why women stay, how they get in those situations, why they find it difficult to leave, why the cycle keeps repeating with new partners. i'd highly recommend researching it if you want to understand it better. every woman should be educated on this topic.

you are right to some extent: if you want to get out of the cycle you do have to take responsibility for your own behaviour. you have to ask why you're accepting being treated that way. what led you there. why you are obsessing over their behaviours but not questioning your own.

but to confront all this is very difficult and painful and often related to trauma and neglect. yet another reason why so many can't escape the cycle, to face all of that can be more painful than putting up with a shitty guy who just wants sex without commitment... the crap treatment is easier to face, until it isn't.

it is a form of self-harm, a kind of self-destruction as a way a broken mind and spirit tries to cope with trauma. to end the relationship would be to limp out and finally confront how broken you are. when you stay in it you can stay delulu. it's a form of escape.

of course, to a healthy person it doesn't make sense. why would anyone ever willingly hurt themselves? and yet, it's a psychologically observable phenomenon and unfortunately the solution and path to healing is far more complex than just not doing that or getting into those situations. if only!!

but the way out DOES involve making a decision that you deserve better. which is why we need to keep talking about these things, bringing them to light, being compassionate, creating safe spaces for women in these relationships to talk about what they're experiencing without judgement, shame, being called stupid or asking for it etc 🤍

i could speak for a long time on this, but i'll leave it there for now... it's all right to not understand it. i actually think that's a good thing in a way, it means you're in a good place. but certainly if you really want to understand it, the research is there!

[aces-come-in-spades]

NOBODY LIKES THE OPENING BAND!: CHARACTER MASTERLIST

Please read all of the following information. This covers some basic in-universe mechanics and provides enough background information to interact with the characters, as well as some info on the characters themselves.

(btw. obligatory fuck you ryan seaman before we continue. i dont support that dickhead <333)

BE ADVISED: HEAVY RELIGIOUS THEMES, SUICIDE, AND GENOCIDE ARE DISCUSSED BELOW!

Nobody Likes the Opening Band! is a non-sequential series of fanfictions inspired by the bands I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME (idkhow) and Waterparks, and draws places, people, and other elements from each band's respective lore. Currently only one work, The Paris Manuscript, is being written. It is available to read on AO3. There is a planned second work, Nobody Likes the Opening Band, that will eventually exist.

Nobody Likes the Opening Band! mostly revolves around the plot of the second work, with the Manuscript serving as a sort of prequel. In Opening Band, a new family moves to the town Ryan Seaman lives in, and Ryan is determined to learn what secrets their son Dal is hiding. In the process of trying to uncover Dal's secrets, Ryan discovers Gloomtown, an anti-Purgatory where certain souls who suffered a great deal during their lives or whose lives were cut off before they could have much meaning go to rest before the end of the world that is also the world's source of magic.

In order to fully learn the truth about Dal, Ryan is forced to team up with his ex-friend and current arch-nemesis Awsten Knight, and Paris, a spirit from Gloomtown whose attatched himself to Awsten.

Gloomtown has an incredibly powerful energy that leaks through to Earth, where it soaks into the DNA of random people and mutates it. This mutation allows the person, once they are born, to inherit magical powers once they are 13. Powers can be literally anything.

PASCAL "CAL" PHYLLIS (#cal phyllis)

the only child of the couple that adopted ryan. he has a soul of gold and the strangest humor you've ever seen. his particularly likes to joke about being a capitalist (he is anything but one). also a fantastic matchmaker despite his inability to get a boyfriend! he just wants to kiss someone :<

the only main character without any magic powers. he makes up for it by being the best fucking cupcake baker you've ever met.

(he/him, gay, no magic. birthday october 4.)

likes: baking, eldritch horror, cats, playing pranks hates: messy spaces, tea fun fact: he starts out by crushing on dal but eventually loses interest. rumor has it he's secretly dating a boy named mikey way ;)

PARIS EVANGELINE (#paris)

harley's youngest and most difficult child. he's a shapeshifter and is a (literal) being of chaos.

he was born with his soul outside and detached from his body. he wears it on a chain around his neck, but since this is unnatural he's not quite right. using his powers drain him so he's almost always tired, but he tries to hide it via masking. also his wings don't really get used because flying drains him way more than magic.

due to all of this (and all the bullying his siblings did to him when he was younger, they are incredibly ableist and a few are homophobic) harley wouldn't let him out of gloomtown until one day, they introduced star to paris! at which point paris and star basically became a did system. (more on this when we get to star)

in order to stay alive, paris has to take pieces of human souls and attach them to his soul. he likes to latch onto certain people he really likes and refer to them as his host. at the time of nobody likes the opening band, awsten is paris's current host.

he's super duper flirty and touchy and emotional. and also wears whatever the fuck he wants because he's trying to appeal to humans and to him this means showing off a lot of skin, so he wears crop tops and shorts a lot (he loves them dw)

(genderfluid but often presents as male, pansexual, universal manifestation of chaos. no known birthday.)

likes: raising a ruckus, geese, gummy bears, cuddling hates: whaaaaaaaaat? hating something? impossible! he would never! ahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!! fun fact: he started out as my version of waterparks' character soulsucker but he literally turned into an oc this thing is nothing like the real soulsucker.

STAR EVANGELINE (#star)

paris's guardian.... demon? ghost? spirit who is basically an alter. when paris is stressed/anxious/upset or physically injured/in danger star will assume paris's physical form while paris takes on star's ghost form. star basically gets to have a body for once while paris recovers.

star is a gloom, a type of demon that was created to originally oversee and care for gloomtown. harley wasn't very big on them, seeing them as useless since harley was the new ruler of the place, so all the glooms were wiped out. star had snuck out and was exploring earth and thus escaped death, but they were captured on return and given to paris as a protector. one of star's wings was ripped out of their back, so they hide their wing under jackets cuz they're embarrassed to have anyone find out about this.

due to all the shit that's happened, star tends to close others off and acts incredibly hostile towards most people. they're really only soft towards paris and anyone that is a host/close to a host.

(they/them, aromantic, the last gloom in gloomtown. doesn't actually have a birthday but likes to celebrate it on november 2.)

likes: no one knows hates: everything, if their attitude is anything to go off of fun fact: star was the st*rfucker to soulsucker. again, it got way out of hand <33

HARLEY EVANGELINE (#harley)

a seraphim who, while fallen, never actually committed any sin. they were punished by getting reassigned to ruling gloomtown, and they wield this authority mercilessly. their divinity is what allows gloomtown to affect humans and give them magic.

somehow, they managed to give birth to 100 children.

there really isnt much known about them. they present themself as a benevolent and kind figure, but they hide a much more sinister and cruel personality

(they/she, aceflux, guardian of gloomtown. no known birthday.)

likes: no one knows. hates: no one knows this either. fun fact: they were inspired by bart harley jarvis from idkhow's music video for the song "WHAT LOVE?" (bart is this pink illuminati pyramid thing)

honorable mentions

RYAN SEAMAN: the protagonist of Nobody Likes the Opening Band and Cal's brother. He wasn't born with the Gloomtown DNA mutation, but accidentally fell into Gloomtown while conscious and met Maxx, a very temperamental snake who followed Ryan home and bit him. Ryan now has fangs and can discharge deadly venom by biting, but he usually tries to avoid using this power. Also, Maxx lives in his skin as a tattoo. LIAM FORD: ryan's ex-best friend, who killed himself when he was barely even thirteen after escaping the clutches of tellexx, a research company that had kidnapped and tortured him one summer. he now haunts the town as a ghost.

honorable mentions open for asks

AWSTEN KNIGHT (#awsten): (he/him, bisexual) the local spellcaster, enchantment weaver, and potion-brewer with a fondness for doing the most insane and impulsive shit you've ever seen. he's also paris's current host and claims that paris is a little bitch (which he can be, to be fair). he and ryan used to be friends, fell out after liam's suicide, and some time after dal moves to town, they become friends again before they eventually start dating.

DALLON "DAL" WEEKES (#dal weekes): (he/him, straight) harley's favorite brat, who went "MIA," so to speak. for a few years after extracting his powers from himself. ryan, awsten, and paris had to work together to return dal's powers. He is known as vengeance, and his magic allows him to summon knives that inflict death or a curse on anyone pierced by one. he's also suffered a lot of emotional abuse and experiences a good deal of religious guilt.

[seumyo]

OMGGG CONGRATS ON 1K EUMY MY LOVE!!! im beyond words that describe happy for u ur such a sweetheart u deserve it sm<3 I SAW THE SCRAPBOOKS POST AND ID LOVE A SHOTO TODOROKI ONE!!!! 💗

im an enfp so im a loud extrovert, and i try to make sure ppl dont feel awkward or embarrassed around me bc im 10x worse HAHA 😭 i have insane attachment issues like i was crying so hard when my friend ignored me for a day. big lover with big emotions, hopefully that counts as an emotional intelligent person hehe<3

i am also a complete art kid and i never stop drawing, im also in choir and stage band so im basically all of the above (except sports. does watching haikyuu count?🤔) HAHAHAHA

id love a little description about our dynamic or something!!🥹 and be free w ur colour palette and do what u think deems best 🗣️!!! a song would be velvet ring by big thief, one of my favs rn<3

THANK USM EUMY UR THE SWEETEST AND ONCE AGAIN CONGRATUALTIONS ON THAT DESERVED 1K!!!

ᯓ★ SHOTO + SAKU!

★ Todoroki Shouto hated did not like you at first. The first time you two met in U.A., not once did he glance in your direction. Don’t take it too personally, he’s battling inner turmoil stemming from his complicated family life and upbringing.

★ Skipping to when he does warm up to the rest of the class, he still keeps his distance from them as he tries to test the waters. Now, you, dear Saku, are the first to invite him to have lunch together via the crumpled paper you left on his desk during free period (he almost threw it in the trash, but he telephatically felt your distress thought it might contain something important, so he decided to read it). He accepts, of course.

★ Lunch together was awkward, but Todoroki appreciates your effort to fill in his shortcomings in the conversation. So to say, he just listens to you while you ramble about anything and everything.

★ When he gets home that night, he definitely tells Fuyumi that someone invited him to eat together at lunch, and that it was nice. He doesn’t realize that he kept your note neatly folded in his wallet.

★ Do you know the concept of personal space? Todoroki does not. Whenever you’re doing something, whether it’s doodling or writing notes, he will peer over and check whatever it is that you’re doing. Completely unaware that he, too, has attachment issues (trust).

★ “Am I too close? I’m sorry, I didn’t notice.” And you guys were inches from kissing each other!

★ Romantically, it takes him a long time to understand that what he was feeling is clearly not platonic anymore. But when he does realize thus, he skips the steps in his head and wants to spend the rest of his days with you (you’re not even dating yet, and he’s already thinking of the future ten years later). Todoroki’s hesitant to engage in a romantic relationship because he thinks that you deserve someone who wouldn’t hesitate to court you and love you openly (he’s worried that he’ll end up like his father).

★ The initial dynamic is someone who talks a lot and the other listens (with the most lovestruck eyes yet still unnoticeable). When you do get into a relationship, he’ll still treat you just like when you were friends, but with a bit more effort to show you how much he cares. Acts of service & Quality Time are his love languages. This man is your ride-or-die forever and would go through lengths just to spend time with you (cue to Todoroki just appearing by your side whenever you’re not busy).

★ Whenever Todoroki talks to other people, it’ll always be, “Oh, where are Saku and the others?” You will always be the first person that comes out of his mouth, an unconscious habit of his.

★ Matching bag charms, candid photos (of him, mostly), handwritten notes that are passed to each other during class, enjoying each other’s company even if you two are just walking to the cafeteria together or him waiting for you to tie your shoelaces (he does them himself further into the relationship), finding out that Todoroki kept most of the things you gave him (especially your little notes and doodles), and the tips of his ears turn a bit reddish whenever he’s flustered—and you’re the only one to notice because it only happens when he’s with you.

[multiplicity-positivity]

Hi there! I wanted.. to ask, even though i KNOW all systems are different and it depends on the headmate themself too- i just cannot help but feel weird myself.. ( and feel free to make this a poll if you'd like? I don't mind any sort of responses ).

Is it- weird to want to seek comfort or be friends with, a factive / introject of someone whos hurt you badly? Specifically an ex partner. I dont moss them in that sense, so its not like i want to relive that. I just.. miss their existance. I know my headmate is different, and i should talk to them, but idk. It feels.. also kinda weird? Like "hey you sucked but its fine i have a backup one". Like ?? I personally.. would feel weird if i found out someone was dating or befriending a version of me in their head. ( which ik isn't in my control )

Hey, we had written a full response to this and then tumblr crashed on us. So we’re trying to piece this back together. Apologies in advance if it seems jumbled.

This is a bit touchy for us to put into a poll, so we’re going to try and answer it to the best of our ability. As always, anyone is welcome to provide insight, especially factives or those who have had personal experience with this sort of thing.

Honestly no, we don’t think it’s weird to want to befriend a factive or an introject of someone who hurt you. Introjects are people, and they deserve to develop and form relationships and just exist as themselves as much as anyone else. It’s not wrong or weird to want to get to know this introject for who they are.

However, it sounds like you’re having a bit of trouble recognizing that this factive is not literally their source. They are not a “backup” of your ex, and they are not personally to blame for any harm that your ex caused you. Many introjects feel hurt and offended when they are treated as their source. And no introject, no matter how connected to their source they are, is responsible for any actions committed by their source. They may look, sound, and act like their source. They may have source memories. But they are not their source, and they deserve to be treated with dignity and respect as an individual, first and foremost.

It might benefit you to spend some time away from this introject processing your emotions and memories surrounding your ex before you can be a good friend. Maybe therapy, journalling, and self-reflection could help. After you’ve had some time to process your feelings regarding this introject’s source, it may be easier to approach them in a positive way without assigning someone else’s baggage to them.

Also, you don’t have to tell your ex about this introject at all? We honestly wouldn’t recommend it, especially if that doesn’t align with the introject’s wishes or if you’re not in touch with your ex anymore. Yeah, some folks may find factives weird, but factives can’t help who they are. They shouldn’t be shamed or made to feel weird or wrong simply for existing. If that means their existence needs to be kept a secret from their source… idk we think that’s fine tbh.

We hope that one day you and this factive truly can reach a place where you can get to know each other on equal footing, and maybe one day become friends! Not everyone clicks or gels well with each other, so if that doesn’t happen, that’s okay too. As long as you’re affording this introject the space and agency in order to be who they want to be in life, we think trying to befriend them one day is totally fine.

Again, factives, y’all should take the reins in this sort of discussion. If there’s anything we said here that you feel is inaccurate, or if you have any further advice you can provide for anon, please don’t hesitate to reach out.

Anon, we’re wishing you and this introject the very best of luck with learning to work together and coming to terms with your history in the future.

[sunset-sunbun]

Vague posting because I'm sick of seeing so many people lost to this.

You can change and improve yourself. there's never a set time. there's never an expiration date. your only too far gone if you decide you never want to and never can.

I want people to understand that you cannot get help if your unwilling to be helped and same goes for people who try to help people who are not listening or completely unwilling. don't waste your time yelling at a wall. wait for them to actually be open otherwise nothings going to get done and you'll just burn yourself out trying. if the majority of people are yelling at you that you are in the wrong its time to stop and consider why that's the case and actually analyze your actions from an unbiased perspective. but only do this WHEN YOUR READY! I cannot stress that fact enough. some people need extra time to process and extra time to be fully prepared to change. sometimes its because of lack of impulse sometimes its because of high emotions. whatever that reason may be, if you need extra time to calm down and open yourself up THAT'S FINE and I highly encourage you do so in order to avoid backhandness or spite seeping in. AND DONT BULLY SOMEONE IF THEY NEED EXTRA TIME EITHER! the fact that they're even willing to take that time to come back to you and ask you what they can do to improve says enough. don't knock them down when they're trying to stand.

then once your ready, actually see what people are trying to tell you. you don't need to listen to people who just go "lol I hope you die" obviously but when someone gives you unbiased criticism like "maybe keep that to yourself" or "please add content warnings next time" or "I'm uncomfortable can you please stop?". when it sounds like they're not attacking you and are genuinely giving you advice, stuff like that are things you should take into account.

then even after you've thought about it, you need to apologize and ask them what you need to do to improve. AND LISTEN! wholeheartedly listen to what they need to say, take it in, and work on it. AND I MEAN WORK ON IT! dont just put up a front and act like this in front of them and then in any other space drop it- no. I mean PUT YOUR WHOLE EFFORT INTO MAKING YOURSELF A BETTER PERSON! if you don't change, but acted like you were open to it. then congratulations, you wasted everyone's time and broke everyone's trust.

i know change isn't easy. I know that it'll take a lot of time. but if you are willing. and have people who want to see you be better, then that makes the journey easier. bettering yourself is not just for the solace of other people but it also helps yourself too. this isn't about people pleasing its about self improvement.

be better. do better listen. be open. take time if you need. and I hope that you can make it.

[thoughtfullyrainynightmare]

This made me realize how much I dont know myself-

Okay so I'm an ISTJ, Capricorn, female and straight. When people first see me they think I'm a mean girl because of my resting face(I have a mad resting face). When I they get to speck to me I get very awkward usually shy. However I am very loud with friends. (Source is my friends)

Also many people(that I have just meet)have told me that my voice is very quiet. I believe this is because I am used to talking myself. I am used to only hearing myself that I tend to forget other people are being to hear me. This sounds really creepy but most of the time when I'm talking to myself, I am kind of day dreaming.

If my parents teachers, or any authority figure were to describe me they would say I am proper, organized, calm always trying to find peace. Some might say patient.

If a sibling(I have 4 older and 1 twin) would describe me it would be cruel(as a joke) and rude(also a joke) and basically any of these adjectives cause these individuals dont like to give proper answers. SMH

As you can tell I'm an introvert. An ultra introvert. I can stay at home for a week and some days straight, although I love exploring places. For instance I like going for walks on areas I haven't been to. I don't always do this because my brothers won't go out with me, my parents dont like exploring(they already have done these stuff) so I only have my sister, who happens to be disagreeable at times.

I hate people that make fun of you constantly. Even if it is as a joke, like thos friends that "bully" you, I'm just not into those friendships.

The closest friend to me is someone I can be weird and emotional with, can talk freely around.

My love language is acts of service such as cooking, or baking. I dont mind doing other services but these two would be a must.

I appreciate receiving gifts but it's hard for me to accept them, I feel very in debt for the most part.

I dont mind physical touch. A few years ago I felt extremely uncomfortable with it, now however I welcome it if it's from someone I love.

I've always had problems with quality time. Ofc it's important but I have always needed my alone time no matter who the person is.

I ABSOLUTELY ADORE WORDS OF AFFIRMATION. Ngl I have trouble giving those, idk it just feels like I'm gonna be laughed at. But when some says something nice about it really boots my everything!! Like J absolutely adore it and try to give it back.

I think this is about enough😅

Lots of love

-🍫

Thank you!! ^^

I match you up on a blind date with....

Magna Swing

Magna might be a loud young man, but he is a gentleman through and through. He would be there to give you all the words of affirmation you need, and compliments you on your cooking and baking, and would do so even if that wasn't your particular love language. He just genuinely finds it amazing that you're able to make such good dishes and baked goods!

He also knows that looks (as in the resting face) can be deceiving. After all, he's dressed like a punk, but he's a total sweetheart underneath. And if anyone would give you a hard time, he'd be there to defend you with all his might.

Going out on walks, or rides on his Crazy Cyclone, would be welcomed! They would be like your mini adventures amidst missions and better yet, they'd be your time together. Almost like having smaller dates regularly. (But of course there would have to be proper dates as well). He's also not that big in going to functions or parties with a lot of people. He might be loud but appreciates privacy too

Magna is a reflective person. So while he might tease Luck, he's riled up by Luck, which leads to that behaviour. However, with a spouse, he would never do that. And in friendships, he doesn't initiate it

He also understands the need of personal space, and he respects it. Everyone is their own person, and one's own interests are also important, which you should be free to do as you wish. For example he likes tuning his Crazy Cyclone. Which he's happy to do by himself. It's his "me -time". You should have that too

He's just a big sweetheart in a leather jacket

[in2thenewworld]

Hi 👋🏻😊 hope you dont mind me sending my request here instead of PMing you; I'm curious who you'd pair me with :3

I'd like a matchup for a male DMC character. My pronouns are she/her.

Appearance: I'm 5'3", got a full figure body with a round face. I have mid back length, dark chocolate colored hair with down turned eyes of the same color. Under my left eye are 2 freckles that look exactly like this -> : <- I usually wear comfy clothes, but will dress up if I need to. Most of the time I just wear a tshirt with pj pants, or leggings with a tshirt.

Personality: I am introverted, possibly an INFJ, I am more emotional than logical, and am a Gemini

Interests: I like to read, write, and basically do anything creative; I like working with/using my hands to make something, or to help someone out (giving massage, need first aid, etc.) I am also a foodie, love looking up recipes to try and love to cook/bake.

What I look for in a partner is someone who has a sense of humor, knows how to have fun and when to be serious, can make me smile, and are kind-hearted or compassionate. They can be introverted, extroverted, or ambiverted, it dont matter to me as long as I feel I could vibe with them and talk to them about anything.

My love language is physical touch and quality time. I don't really have an ideal date, just staying home with either a cooked meal or takeout would be fine with me as long as I'm with my partner.

heya! however you prefer to send the info is good! and thank you again for the matchup you wrote, i absolutely adored it 🥹

anyway, let’s get into it!

hope you’re alright with a chit chat or monologue, because I’m loading your match!

…ପ( •̤ᴗ•̤ )੭ु⁾⁾.｡.:✽・ﾟ＋

your match is…

NERO!

Nero first met you during his off time between jobs at home in Fortuna. You would probably bump into each other by chance. I can imagine a scenario of you helping out a group of children who were lost perhaps? Nero knows how to help them get back home, so he jumps in to assist you. Then, once it’s just the two of you after all of that, you spark up a conversation, and funnily enough, there’s certainly a spark.

You cross paths a few more times before you eventually decide to make the first move. You bring him a small variety of baked goods when you swing by to ask the big question, and Nero tries to play off like he’s much cooler about the whole thing than he really is.

Nero’s sense of humour often comes in the form of poking fun and being a bit of a tease. You can also make him laugh pretty easily. That being said, he knows when to turn it off, so that’s not an issue.

You can talk to Nero about absolutely anything. He won’t tell a soul if you don’t want him to, and he’s got a level enough head to give good advice to others. Sometimes he might be the type to offer solution before comfort, though, so if you’d rather the latter, you might have to tell him.

Nero would go to hell and back a million times for his loved ones. He’s got a kind heart, and he’ll do almost anything to make you happy. His tone when he speaks with you is softer than with anyone else. It’s almost funny. Alright, it’s hilarious. Nico rinses him to death for it, but she’s always on the receiving end of his sarcasm, so it goes both ways really.

Nico would totally get along with you, though. You’re around her a lot by association with Nero, and if you enjoy hands on tasks you might find yourself in the garage as a project partner quite often.

Nero is totally here for the chilled home dates. He finds it comforting to have this space with you that you can call your own, so there’s not many places he’d rather be. He’ll let you choose the food and a movie, he’s just happy to be there.

Sometimes he’s away for a long time on missions… Luckily, you’re always there to welcome him home with your affection and some form of small gift, favour or a date planned. He brings you back souvenirs too if he gets a job in a new, fascinating place. Think of it as making up for lost time. (You also spend a lot of time together post mission because you’re patching up his wounds and insisting that a massage will ease all of the tension and aches that come from fighting. Not that he’s complaining, he welcomes your touch.)

I hope this is to your liking! :) and to my followers, what do we think of the slight format change?

[yummy-tummy-time]

really, really long crush processing post cause it's taking up too much space in my brain

My feelings for my roommate might not be unrequited after all, which I've suspected for a short bit, but she's SUCH a hard read.

We candyflipped recently and cuddled most of the night, but that drug combo almost guarantees physical intimacy if you're partying with safe, affectionate people so I didn't want to put too much stock in that experience. Also, she explicitly said that kissing me while we partied was "because she wanted to kiss someone and it wasn't going to be [our friend]"; and when I asked about cuddling on the regular, she sounded hesitant and said she (probably) only wanted physical affection occasionally.

So I've been figuring out ways to express physical affection that are appropriate within the boundaries of our relationship, which has been very difficult because my roommate doesn't initiate or ask for different types of affection or tell me explicitly when she likes something. But she seemed very happy when I started asking for hugs, booping her head, and being physically playful. Most recently, I started playfully grabbing her toes when we're on the couch together, and I was pleasantly surprised when she started playing back. She hasn't said a word about it, but she smiles really big when I play with or rub her feet.

Outside of physical affection, we've been spending most of our social time together. Helps when you're both shy in public and live together. Our emotional relationship has grown really deep. In May, I told her I had a crush on her. Those feelings were explicitly unreciprocated, so I put away any ideas about our relationship becoming more intimate, and committed to encouraging her to chat with cuties and go on dates. Since then, I've been expressing affection while verbally maintaining platonic boundaries to avoid making my roommate uncomfortable. I think my actions have demonstrated that supporting her is one of my biggest interests & priorities, and now she shares a level of vulnerability and affection with me that she doesn't share with the other roommates.

Last week I talked with one of the other roommates about my feelings - trying to decide if I'm in love, how to know the difference between romantic and queerplatonic love, and revisiting my decision to not get involved with a roommate. They asked if she reciprocates my feelings; I said no, they asked, "Are you sure?" The next day, my (crush) roommate and I were playing around and the other says, "Oh, just kiss already!" Both of those moments sent my brain REELING, like, 'does my roommate know something I dont?? Why would they say that??'

On Friday, I went to a kink party for that roommate's birthday. Even though I was excited to play among experienced and welcoming friends in a private home, I got so shy that I didn't do any of the kink activities I planned on, I didnt ask anyone to get cozy, and I didn't tell anyone their advances were welcome. Remembering how my (crush) roommate shuts down around cuties in public, I began to wonder if she's like me the way I was at the party. With everything I wrote here (and more) in mind, I decided it was time to just ask my roommate if she wants to cuddle again. The answer each time has been "Sure". I've confirmed several times this year that "Sure" is a good response from this roommate, but it still takes a LOT of effort for me to take that as enthusiastic consent.

The 1st night, I curled up next to her until she fell asleep. She didn't say anything or cozy up more, but she woke up multiple times after I fell asleep and stayed in her spot despite having a lot of couch space and a bed available. The 2nd night, I asked to cozy up next to her again. "Sure." I snuggled up with my head on her shoulder; she didn't move at all, arms folded across her chest. I asked if she wanted to cuddle or she liked where I was; "Being cuddled would be nice." I wrapped my arm around her waist. I dont think she changed positions the whole time except to adjust her legs; When she sat up to go to bed, I rubbed her back and again she didn't move. I confirmed that she enjoyed me rubbing her back, and she chose to stay with me for another 30 minutes for back rubs AND asked for a massage. We spent a little time sitting with me hugging her from behind; she leaned into me and put her head on my shoulder, but didn't hug me back. 3rd night, I laid next to her on the couch with my arms around her legs and gently rubbed her thigh for a while. Again, she sat up for bed, then stayed with me so I could rub her back; but this time she told me when she wanted scratches instead of rubs, asked me to touch her sides in addition to her back, "demanded" head scratches after I played with her hair, laid back against me so i could put my arms around her shoulders, and put her hands on mine when I hugged her from behind. (I feel like I'm successfully befriending a shy cat.)

So here we are!! I don't know if my roomie is into me or if I'm just a familiar someone, who regularly shares nonromantic physical intimacy with friends, filling a void of physical touch for her until another cutie comes along. Maybe it's both? In any case, she recently decided she'd rather develop intimate relationships through her friendships instead of going through dating apps, so I hope the slow blossoming of this physically intimate relationship is just as exciting for her as it is for me. The cuddling is extremely relaxing, but based on her body language I'm 99% certain that some of my touch is also turning her on and she is enjoying that too... Things are too new and uncertain to even consider sex, but damn, these cuddle sessions got me fantasizing like a fiend 😵‍💫

[bisexual-horror-fan]

Hello becks, i dont mean to be rude or make you uncomfortable by this ask.

I also feel ok to ask you this because you are so nice and open about you poly journey and combined with your "auntie who is kinda motherly" aura its just a safe space i think.

So here it goes: do you have any fears of your partner falling for one of his girlfriends or boyfriends and eventualy end the relationship?

Again, id like to think im a pretty level headed person so if i crossed some line im sorry! Tell me if so and i will apologize!

Its just that concept its so foreign to me and i never met anyone who adopted that kind of relationship and from what i read they always say that is great and have a certain freedom with eachother but i never read the inicial fears of it.

Also, when i really like someone i have that "jealousy" that people have in monogamy relationships and thats why i asked the question 💀

Thank u for reading!

Heya Anon! First off, thanks for asking this, more than happy to answer it, this is a safe space it is true.

So I do not have any worries or fear in that regard. Mr.Bex and I have known each other longer than we haven't, we are both turning 31 this year and met when we were 12, we've been friends since high school and dating since I was 19, and he was 18. We have seen each other at our worst and most awkward, have helped each other through the hardest times of our lives, horrible pain and unspeakable joy, we've done it all.

I am more than confident and comfortable with the place of importance I have in his life. I am his best friend, and he's mine, we've been together in a romantic relationship for over a decade, and we're married, are insanely similar and have grown together. Jealousy isn't an emotion I have ever really felt, but Mr.Bex does feel it, and we are still polyam, he has done a lot of self work in that regard, jealousy isn't an inherently bad emotion, it's about how you respond to and act on it.

I love him deeply, and he loves me, we find polyamory makes our relationship stronger if anything.

Maybe it is me being kinda a cocky and confident dick but, I know there is no way anyone could take him from me, no one can replace me and I know he would never try, and why would he? Because he can have other partners in his life. He can love other people, he is in love with his current girlfriend, (who is also my girlfriend atm) and that doesn't threaten what we have or make me worried in the slightest, him loving other people doesn't mean loving me less, it's not a finite resource.

(Also he's straight, not like I think there'd be a better chance of some dude stealing him away but anyway-) But in short, no, it is not a worry I have at all.

[imjustabeanie]

yo its seras ... i decided to send one in for fun. id like a relationship matchup for someone from jjba + genshin if you could please.

any prns, cancer, intj, aro bi (im in romantic relationships so idm it. i just dont prioritize romantic gestures as they make me uncomfortable), true neutral, i have bpd + autism + bipolar + chronic pain so woo

im like 5'2, shorter hair like dirty blonde almost brown, pale also bc i dont leave the house except to go to work lol, freckles, blue eyes but they look more gray. i dont emote much at all really. i have a hard time talking about feelings / emotions / much of anything. i only talk passionately when it comes to my interests and things i really like. im very stubborn and overwork myself often. it takes me a long time to warm up to people and be trusting. i dont like touch unless ive been around you a Long time. i like people who make me feel looked out for and who won't be afraid to essentially force me to calm down / take breaks. not super pushy but like. kind pushy if that makes sense? i dont want to be smothered and need my space and would rather like parallel play. i like watching / playing games together and just enjoying time together. i also deal a lot with extreme emotions and hiding them, hence the bpd... my mood swings are a lot of the reason ppl can't handle or deal with me so someone who won't mind them so much would be nice? or someone who can rationalize and help me through emotions and things. i also need a lot of attention but not in an overwhelming suffocating way. im also hypersexual and it has a big part in my relationships and i need someone to keep up with that too. i have tendencies of being a bit manipulative but i dont. like that about myself. i dont like to go out a lot and would much rather stay at home. i dont mind going out to quieter places or just doing mundane things! i also do like going out for food + for conventions or events related to my interests. amusement parks also rock. i have special interests in animals (marine animals, cats, dogs), mythological creatures, the paranormal, cryptids, cosplay, animanga, video games (especially rpgs + visual novels + dating sims + rhythm games), old web, character analysis, horror media, and psychology.

hopefully thats enough? tysm

Trade!

Your genshin match is Wriothesley!

He's patient, funny, a great judge of character and respectful. What more could you ask for? Once you two break the ice you hit it off rather well. He's very caring as a lover without being overbearing. He's always here when you're in trouble and always looks out for you in his own way.

Wrio is definitely someone who can deal with you, he's patient after all. Especially with his lover. He knows when you're reaching your limit and he has a space in his office just for you to rest. But at the same time he's ready for you to innitiate more activities together. The most important is that you know he loves you. He shows his love through small acts and gifts. He always gives you his time and learned to convey his feelings with little gifts through the day.You always receive flowers, chocolates and a good lunch from him.

When he can, he'd love to go assist events at the surface! When he really can't he'll just order/make the foods he wants you to try. He also always gets a bunch of movies so the two of you can watch them together. As much as he enjoys physical affection, he'll always wait for you to initiate first. Once you give him the go he becomes another man.

Overall, it's a very nice relationship where you don't publicly show your love but people still know it's there. Wriothesley is patient and will always wait for you to come around. And he still gives you gentle pushes to encourage your goals.

Your JJBA match is...Kakyoin!

Not gonna lie, Bruno was a close second but Kakyoin is way more playfull and chill. Both know how to guve you space but Kakyoin knows how to have fun.

Kakyoin shows his love through acts and quality time. He likes going on dates with you to explore new places yet also takes care of you and does his best to make you more comfortable. He's not that big on physical touch either so you don't really have to worry about this. When you engages he'll just happily welcomes it.

He absolutely loves playing video games with you! The two of you spend hours at arcades and the scores are often a tie! He also loves horror movies. One of the most common things you two do is just...sit in a pleasant place and discuss a recent movie/video game you two did. He's also quite cultivated in mythology so he has nice book recommendations. Food isn't much his things so he'd rather follow your recommendations.

Overall, you two are the average high school sweethearts but on the more timid side. People just know that you're soulmates by the way he looks at you.

[alltheangstmygifttoyou]

I can barely use tumblr without it crashing and this ain't what I usually put on my blog but I dont care bc I'm excited and want to throw ideas into the void!!! So under the cut will be SPOILERS for Helluva Boss all episodes released to this day (9/9/23 having season 2 episode 6 posted and the date of me typing this post). Cool? Cool.

Edit: (its now 12/10/23 and I see I never posted this lmao its just in my drafts. Which I have like fifty of 😅)

Okay okay so like: I'm a nerd who's an obsessive little bitch at times and when Fizz was explaining his side of events I was like... I'm not calling you a liar, 'cause Blitzø was definitely jealous, at least a bit, but I dont think jealousy over fame caused the biggest strain. So I went back through the episode slowly and took some screen shots of the flashback parts to show a bit what I mean.

[Image description: Cash Buckzo smiling as young adult Fizz reads card with words on the front saying "Wish you were My So" with Fizz's hand blocking the last letter. In the background of the image young adult Blitzø is watching behind curtains unhappily]

Pretty sure we can all tell that card really saying "wish you were my son" seeing how we know Cash is a shit father from season 2 episode 1. The deep blue (personally reminds me of space) and star decorations of the card are also an interesting choice, as well as the handwriting. It all points to Cash either having other people doing work for him, or being capable of doing these things himself, but not caring enough to similarly educate his kid in turn. So its no fucking wonder why Blitzø was upset! Theres a difference in wanting the spot light and wanting your parent to act like they love you instead of your bestest friend! (As someone who was the bestest friend at one point shit ain't comfortable!)

So Blitzø sees this shit and feels understandably hurt. I would too. He has a letter for Fizz, but logical or not, the hurt caused by Cash would sour emotions around Fizz for Blitzø for a little bit likely. So he removed himself from the situation before really ever entering, and with the shove he gave the cake holder and the talk of booze stealing from Cash later in the episode, I have to imagine that was his way of trying to not ruin Fizz's party. Blitzø throughout the series has been a bit quick to violence, volatile emotions would just worsen things. In some sense, if the fire hadn't gotten out of hand so quickly- or they waited until the cake was settled to light the candles, I'd argue Blitzø was making a more emotional mature decision than I normally think of him.

But then theres the card and flower itself. Its sealed with a heart sticker and says "Fizz's eyes only". The flower looks familiar. Five red petals all coming together to a yellow eye like center. Reminds me of the flowers in Stolas' hospital room in season 2 episode 4 Western Energy. People theorized that those petals dropping had something to do with the whole he loves me he loves me not game. The nature of these twos relationship is interesting.

I included these four screen shots because I think they emphasize the hurt Blitzø felt, his confusion, but mainly to point out Cash. When all the charecters are silhouettes we see one that is clearly Blitzø standing under Fizz's birthday banner. But behind him, one of the last sprinting out of the tent is a partly hidden silhouette. But the horn, head, hand/claws, and mustache make it clear that this is Cash once again. But when we see from a more street view Blitzø is alone when the explosion of fireworks happened. Doesn't this imply that Cash just not only left the kid who he wished was his son but also his blood son behind despite all he needed to do was grab them and push them to run?

[wanderrlust0]

sorry i wont shut up about this but i feel so conflicted right now!!D; and maybe typing it all out will help???

and I highly suggest to not read this unless you want to be here for an hour reading nonsense LOL

im seeing my bestie friday so im gonna tell her everythinggg and get her opinion on all of this before i see him again in a few days.

i just started to hang out with a "new" friend but it makes my bf uncomfortable and idk what to do about it... and tbh im not going to stop being friends with them:/ ik that sounds kinda shitty on the surface but its like asking me to cut someone off right after getting to know them.

im gonna explain almost all of the context....

okay, so... 2020 was a ruff year. it was covid and quarantine. my mom was super super strict about it. once people began to hang out in small circles bc cdc said it was okay to, while still being careful, i was still not allowed to leave my house. i felt soso isolated and alone and it was def one of my lowest moments. me & my bf were basically in a long distance relationship.. or thats what it felt like. all we had was facetime. he started to hang out with his friend from school more often (i had stuff to say to him about that & its in another post). after a couple of months, my mom finally let us see each other.. but it had to be in my backyard only and we couldn't be close. it was okay at first but after a while we got bored and wanted more. he got impatient and petty about it. i understood where he was coming from but i was trying to be as optimistic as i could, even tho it was hard. its bc even for like the 1-2 hrs i got to see him, it made my day. (my friends were also starting to hangout in their backyards but i never told my mom bc i figured she wouldnt let me go.. but when i told her afterwards, she said she would have..??)

it was getting colder outside which made it harder for us to see each other. it was also just a sucky situation and it was creating some resentment. he wanted to talk with me on ft about it and i knew it would be serious. AND IT WAS. he did most of the talking and it was leading to a breakup. BUT (this is important) he couldnt for the life of him break up with me, let alone say the words.. SO.. he suggested that we do a break. neither of us have done that before but its obvious that it means its temporary and you use that time to figure things out and get some space (we DEFINITELY shouldve been clearer about it). he got emotional and i held mine in. he was saying all these good things about me and how he still wants me in his life and that we can get together again; that we would still talk everyday and be friends. at the time, weve been dating for about a year and a half. right after we hung up i bawled my eyes out and immediately facetimed my best friend in FL.

days go by and me and him are still talking everyday, only in a more friendly, platonic manner. eventually, he starts replying later and later, he turns off his location, and its like i feel forgotten about. im so used to knowing what hes doing that now it feels weird to not know and its hard to adapt to these changes.

I download tinder to find some FRIENDS to talk to (only for girls). he was barely talking to me and i was questioning our friendship relationship (situationship i guess). although i dont remember the details of my profile, i DEF made it clear that i was on there for making friends only. i had no intention of pursuing anyone for a relationship... bc i had my "bf" still. HE clearly went a diff route during our break....too much to unpack there but in the end, it just made him want to come back to me.

So.... Snow (that is their nickname ive given them for tumblr) was one of those people who i chatted with on tinder. theyre female but identify as they/them (i dont think they used those pronouns when we first started talking tho). they msgd first and our convo was actually really long-lasting so we followed each other on IG. (theyre also not the only one i've exchanged IG with so its not like i only gave it to them). Yes, I thought they were pretty when i swiped. sue me. i think many people are pretty. its just me acknowledging when someones aesthetically pleasing. eventually, we talked less and i also went on tinder less. After about a month into me and my bfs break, he begins to talk to me more like he used to. Then he asks if he can see me bc he missed me. Still cant leave my house with him but we hang out and its nice. HE ASKS ME IF I MET ANYONE NEW. i say no and hes like ...really?you sure? I ask him the same and he says no (while breaking eye contact,, literal red flag but i was blindsided). he tells me the truth over FT and that ruined me way more than i let on. (i think he's feeling a similar way now but for diff reasons)

we got back together after and the rest of the year (2021) was super fun. weve now been together for almost 4 1/2 years! since our BREAK NOT BREAKUP (not me @ ing him when he wont even see this) me and snow comment on each others IG posts now and again. for ex, ive said they looked so prettyyy & i would compliment their makeup skills. they would reply in a cute/flattery way. thats how they reply to comments. theyre also very embellished, like with emojis. theyve commented on my pics saying i look cute and hyping me up with compliments as well. it just turned into a natural, mutual thing; idk how else to describe it. its like having an online friend where you only interact thru the comments to show kindness. LOL IDK that sounds corny but yeah. girly things i guess. & then irl its so subdued.

so aside from the comments, we would react to each others stories like once in a blue moon. they posted about watching demon slayer so i said its a good anime. i posted me and my bfs halloween costumes and they said we looked so cute. fast fwd to the end of last yr... we said happy bday to each other and i brought up the idea of possibly hanging out one day if theyre down. so yes, i asked first. they said they would love to and that they were glad i asked bc they were too anxious to ask themselves (mood). im surprised at myself that i even asked but i guess i felt comfortable enough.

(i feel like im writing my own biography omg..) anyways, we get each others numbers and talk about our schedules. we were both very busy so nothing happened. we sporadically made small talk, as one does with their internet friend, over a couple of months. we talked on IG more & also thought about the plans for when we hang out. its now like almost summer and they text me asking if i was free last minute to hang out bc they were gonna be in my town but i was busy.

its now like a month later and i see them at the mall with their friend when i was with my bf. (i already spoke about this so i wont repeat it). after that day, we finally made a day to hang out. bf wasnt happy about it; i tried to reassure him; he saw and still sees them as someone to worry about; he thinks im gonna do something stupid and act out on any fantasies i may have. he knows im bi; he sees snow as someone who looks queer. he thinks that our intentions are to get closer to each other in a way that crosses a friendship.

he saw me listening to a playlist titled sapphic energy. it just consists of songs i enjoy by female artists and ive had that playlist for a long time now. i only edited the title.. but just now i switched it back to what it was before so thats ONE thing "fixed" to make him at ease.

he doesnt believe me when i tell him that my only intention and motive here is to make a good, new friendship. THATS ALL I WANT. AND THATS ALL SNOW WANTS. i can see how it can look like its more from an outside perspective bc of our IG comments but it was not like that in person at all!! it just felt like hanging out with a friend and introducing new things to each other like shows and foods. snow even made it clear that once someone is their friend, they cant see them any other way and that formed to protect their feelings. when we hung out there were literally no signs of feelings or anything that would cross boundaries. i didnt get that feeling i get when i have a crush and lose all my brain cells. by our second hang out we were past any awkwardness and it felt like a regular day out with a friend.

I did look cute that day but i always dress up!!! i dress up like every time i see my bf. i dress up for work. i dress up when im going out with friends. i enjoy fashion and makeup and looking pretty,,

last yr he was using bumble friends and he met up with a guy but they havent hung out since. ive helped him swipe on people before and i was okay with it, except when it was like an attractive girl.. would that be hypocritical of me tho?...idk. we def both get kinda jealous over these things. i can get territorial, like he is mine lol i am his. we would never be open or add a third and the thought of him befriending new females made me nervous. especially after what happened during our break. like idk, that still sticks with me and makes me think of bad feelings..and even more especially now after finding out about what he and his friend did.. but me feeling nervous about that is like what HE is feeling (T-T) I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT I CAN DO TO HELP AND IT SUCKS. i dont think i catch feelings easily. i dont get butterflies over people easily. im not an openly sexual person.

like. am i being unfair by continuing this friendship? snow doesnt know how he feels about us. idek if its worth telling but im gonna wait till more time passes and see how things go. would him hanging out with us make him feel better?? would it be too weird? he already doesnt like the idea of snow so how would he be in a room with them.

i wanna fast fwd to friday so i can tell my bestie about it and then fast fwd to sunday so i can see him. he is still not back to his usual self when we talk on snap. he tries to save serious confrontations for in person bc he sounds angry thru text so even tho itll make me nervous, i still wanna work this out so it doesnt ruin our relationship.