#and i don't know my thoughts around this could change after a reread but for the time being this unhinged opinion shall stay here

[pebblesmustard]

I don't think I can ever describe it decently enough but finding a kindred spirit (of sorts) between two authors' voices (especially when they are so distinct from one another and unique to themselves) is so magical.

[edgeray]

I just read your dragon arle x dragon hunter reader fic and I can't stop rereading it. Can I request either the dragon sibs & arlecchino's pov of the fic or a continuation of the fic (either of just reader's daily life now that they've been adopted by a dragon family or of arlecchino and (maybe) the dragon babies having human forms and surprising the reader with them (maybe both))?

Also could I be 🏹 anon? (I'm not the one who requested dragon arle x dragon hunter reader but damn do I wish I was)

Dragon Hunter Mother Part 2

(Arlecchino x Fem! Reader)

A/N -  Part 1 here I'M BACKKKKKKKKKK. Okay, wow, uh, hi, anons! Yes, you can be 🏹 anon, I added you to the list a while ago. To the anon that was asking for readers to fight off other dragon hunters, if you request again, give yourself a name/emoji like my other wonderful anons :). 🍎 anon, I'm not sure what you mean by real form, but I had the real form for Arlecchino as her human form.  If it wasn't clear, I thought I was just going to combine all three of these into one part, hopefully that's okay with you guys. I wrote this as best as I could. I didn't think the dragon au! would be so liked but guess the world building I pulled from my ass paid off. Reader will be fem just like the first part. Hopefully you guys like this sequel! And hope the world building for this is okay. I don't know why, but I decided to put an excessive amount of stupid world building that probably doesn't make sense… Also made the babies smaller (and I changed this in the first part too) so cuddling them can be better <33 sorry this took so long... hopefully the length makes up for it. 🫶 this makes the longest request I've done so far, and somehow I wrote all of this today... Content warnings / info - creature x reader, arlecchino is a dragon. fem reader, graphic violence, you get called a bitch (sorry), 3.9k words

Being kidnapped adopted by a family of dragons was not on your bucket list, but here you are. At the beginning, you considered running– after all, you had no idea if you were just going to be emergency dragon food or something, though logically you knew that dragons didn't eat humans. You were a hunter, and you were on a job, but you couldn't find it within yourself to pick up the sword again. Not only would that be foolish because there was no fathomable way for you to beat the Father dragon, but the trio of younglings had grown on you in such a short amount of time. It's only been a few weeks, and you feel like you've quickly adjusted to this weird, but cozy family nonetheless. 

The first night you met the dragons quickly became a fond memory to recall back to. What transpired during that night was this: after the babies had successfully calmed down their Father, their Father sat up, growling something to the hatchlings. The large dragon began striding in the direction of where it came from, and the babies left your side to follow. Confusion struck you and you approached the Father dragon.

“Hey, wait, where are you guys–” your own yelp interrupted you as the larger dragon's tail coiled around, picking you up like you were no more than a leaf. You squirmed in its grasp until you were dropped onto the Father’s head. Your eyes widened upon realizing what they were going to do, and you cling onto one of the spikes on the dragon’s head for dear life. The Father dragon flaps its wings a few times, striding backwards, and then begins running. The movements nearly threw you off of the dragon had you not white-knucle gripped onto it, and then you feel the rushing of wind all over you, threatening to blow you away. Your eyes burned from the oncoming torrent, and you shutted your eyes as the frigid night air whips around you, just praying to your archons that you remain alive after this. 

You didn’t know how long you squeezed your eyes shut, but by the time the icy gusts stopped pricking at your skin–only just caressing your skin like a gentle embrace–it’s when you finally opened your eyes. A black canvas dotted with various bright specks greeted your vision, and you gaped silently. You’ve always thought that the night was beautiful, but up close, you were sure of it; it’s entrancing and no short of magnificent. The beating organ inside of your chest thumped rhythmically, and you thought that if you reached out your hand, you would be able to feel the stars on your fingertips. 

You heard a croak beside you and you recalled that you were among dragons. You looked down. The dragon below you tilted their head towards you, glaring back at you over its wings, piercing crossed eyes scrutinizing you. Sheepishly smiling, you rub its head gently with your hand, and you could physically feel it shiver. You relaxed your hold, leaning forward and allowing your front to press against its scale to rest. Turning your head to the side, you watch miniature dragons fly, somehow keeping up with their father. You tentatively peeked down to see how high up you are, and your stomach churned uneasily. Distracting yourself from the terrifying height you’re at, how you can barely see the peaks of the coniferous trees, you try to think where they were taking you. Surely… you weren’t going to be stowed away in their den as emergency food… right? The babies would protect you… hopefully. 

The rest of the ride was smooth; somehow you had not fallen off. They took you to a cave at the base of the mountain in the center of the forest. Inside the cavern, the ground was matted with wool. This must have come from the sheeps that the Father dragon reportedly stole from the nearby villages. You assumed that this is a nest. The red one (should you just give them names instead of referring to them by their colors? You'll call the red one “Ruby” for now), nudged the back of your leg towards the nest, before its siblings leapt into it. Like cats, “Aqua” (short for Aquamarine) circled around a certain area before laying down, its sibling, “Amber,” following it and curling beside it. 

You gazed at “Father” to check for any signs of protest, but it too steps towards the nest before laying down. Its massive body took up the majority of the nest, and it used its tail to gently push “Aqua” and “Amber” closer to it. Seemed like there was no protest from Father. Hesitantly, you approached the nest, feeling like you just stepped onto sacred grounds you didn't belong to. Tentatively, you laid on your side and Ruby went to snuggle against its other siblings. 

Soon, the babies’ snores filled the cavern. Sleep was hard to come by, especially since you were still in your armor and the matting wasn't very comfortable. The cold didn't help either. You ended up just gazing at the wilderness beyond the cave, observing the crescent moon. Eventually, your body became sore from the uncomfortable position, and you figured that slumber wouldn’t come to you soon anyways. Standing up, you made your way towards the exit, just to stretch your legs and take some fresh air. 

Leaning against the entrance, your thoughts ran rampant with wonderings. 

Should you run away? Did you even want to run away? What about your family? What about your job? Well… your family cared about your other siblings more anyways and it wasn't like you liked your job–you've always wanted a break from it. You doubt you could run away from them if you did; dragons had an impressive sense of smell and you wouldn't get very far in this terrain anyways. The babies specifically seemed especially fond of you, and their father tolerated you enough… maybe they had adopted you as their family? If so, then… What was wrong with having a serene life with dragons? 

Well, assuming, again, that they didn't want to eat you. But you didn't want to go back. That life of glory was for someone else. You'd rather live quietly and cozily, even if you were dirt poor. 

“Do you not intend on running away?” 

Your blood froze from the sudden voice, coming from behind you. You whipped around to see a human–no, something that looked like a human–advancing, and you took a step back. You notice the missing large dragon from the nest, only the hatchlings remain, unaware of their missing father. This… creature looked human (a rather pale, tall, and handsome female human) with two spiky, blackhorns peaking above her predominantly white strands, a draconic black and red tail loosely curled around her legs, and black forearms and clawed hands. But the moment you locked eyes with red x-eyes, you knew who she was. Or more like, what she was. 

She was, perhaps, the most breathtaking being you've ever seen, the moonlight making her seem elysian. The embodiment of perfection, for both human and beast, with her voice belonging to those of angels. 

But she was still a dragon, and that thought threw you back to reality. 

“You're human… but a dragon,” you stated matter-of-factly, your flusteredness apparent in your voice.

Her face remained as stoney as her dragon form. “You're correct, Miss Dragon Hunter.” 

This was new. Even if you had extensively researched dragons, you never knew of this. “How?”

“Is that something I should be telling a dragon hunter?” 

You bit your lip. “Is this how ancient dragons were able to stay hidden from us?” You wondered out loud.

“Precisely.” 

“If your human form is female-presenting… Does that mean you're a female dragon? But why? Female dragons take… well, a maternal role, but you serve the paternal role. I thought… that you were a male dragon.” 

“I am indeed a female dragon. However… I never sought out a mate, and so I could not produce my own children. The children,” she gestured at the sleeping hatchlings. “were runts when I found them. Like myself, they had no paternal figure, and the maternal figure naturally abandoned them after birth, so I stepped in.”

You nodded. “Why… did you not kill me?” 

“You fed them. And, with that, I believe they saw you as the maternal figure they lacked. They would be saddened if I killed you. But… considering that you’re a dragon hunter… it's quite a shame,” she remarked threateningly as she extended out her claws, nearing you. Your heart thundered in your ears, fear pumping through every vein. She was going to kill you? 

“Wait, wait. I'll give up. I won't go back. I swear,” you state, stepping back. 

“And why should I believe you?” 

Quickly, you removed the chainmail armor off of you, and with great effort, ripped out the patch stitched onto your shoulder pad. You chucked the armor into a forsaken direction, before you offered the patch to her. “This… this is a symbol of my occupation as a dragon hunter. Without it, I'm nobody. It’s my proof that I'm a dragon hunter. If I don't have it, I can't get any kill orders or receive any weapons or additional aid.”

The dragon raised her brow. A clawed hand took the patch from your hand, before a fire erupted from her palm, effortlessly burning it into ashes. “But how do I know you won't attempt to hurt my family?” She growled.

“I wouldn't. I've… never wanted to be a dragon hunter. I was born into a prestigious dragon hunter family, and I was expected to hunt myself. But… I never wanted to kill dragons.” You tilted your head down, breaking eye contact from her in favor of looking at your feet. 

The dragon stalked towards you until she was only a few inches away. Even in human form, she still towered over you. She pulled you with her tail, which winded around your midsection tightly until she was flushed against you. She gripped your chin in between her clawed fingers. 

“I'll be watching you myself. For now, my children enjoy your presence. But if a single one of them cries so much because of you, know that you will be killed, mercilessly and painfully. Do you understand that, human?”  

“Yes…” You paused when you realized you didn't have her name. You looked at her expectedly. 

“It's Arlecchino.” 

“Yes, Arlecchino. I understand.” Her name sounded right on your tongue.

“Good. Come now, the children are rather quick on noticing my absence from the nest.” Arlecchino expressed, turning back.

“I think I'll stay out here for a while. It's hard for me to fall asleep… it's a bit cold for humans,” you sheepishly admitted. “I'll come back when I'm more tired, I promise.” 

Arlecchino turned around to observe you, noticing your shivering form and the goosebumps on your skin. “I believe I have a solution. Come,” she said, offering her hand towards you. 

You took her hand, and she laid you to the nest again. She laid down on her side first, before urging you to follow her. The nest was comically large compared to the two of you and the baby dragons now that she was in her human form. As you set yourself down, back facing her, clawed hands found their way around your waist before hauling you towards her, her chest pressed against your spine. You hear the flap of a wing, and then the wing is casted over the two of you, acting as a makeshift blanket. You gasped as her hot breath tickled your earlobe, the tips of your ears burning. “Warm enough for you now, human?”

You still had trouble sleeping that night, but for a different reason. 

— 

You learned of the hatchlings' names the day after. Translated to human language from the draconic tongue, “Ruby” was actually Lyney, and his siblings Lynette and Freminet, “Aqua” and “Amber” respectively. Their personalities shone through pretty quickly the longer you stayed with them. 

Lyney, undoubtedly, was the most energetic and clingy, in an endearing way. Always the first one up and stirring up trouble, alongside his younger brother, Freminet–even though Freminet was the shy, considerate one. Lynette was quiet but always present, comparable to a cat when Lyney acted the most like a puppy, and Freminet, a deer. Lyney had once nearly burned down the nest out of sheer eagerness when you surprised them by arriving at the cave with fish when they had just woken up. It didn't take you long to realize that cod was Lyney's favorite, even when you didn't understand dragon language. 

Arlecchino warmed up to you eventually. The first night helped a lot, and so did the children. Standoffish at first, once she realized you had the best intentions in mind for her children she was begrudgingly softer with you. The ‘nestling’ (as the children resorted to calling it after Freminet saw it, having woken up in the middle of the night when Lyney's tail accidentally whacked him) became a nightly occurrence, and you couldn't say that you were complaining. It became evident to yourself that you were attracted to Arlecchino. She was wordlessly sweet, and attentive to you, but especially the children. A powerful, ancient dragon practically bowing down to dragons five times smaller than her was amusing to witness. 

You were able to dissuade Arlecchino's attempts from visiting the nearby villages now that you were able to get the food for the hatchlings. Arlecchino had stopped visiting villages once she was able to obtain a human form, which allowed her to more efficiently metabolize food unlike beforehand. However, upon taking care of the Lyney, Lynette, and Freminet, she needed much more than what the forest could provide, hence the frequent visits. 

Arlecchino did eventually tell you how her human form came to be. Dragons are, first and foremost, creatures created with magic, and so also hold magic. There are two different maturities that dragons reach in their lifetime. The physical maturity, which is when their wings are fully developed and they reach the age when they no longer have to be sheltered. Then, there is the magical maturity, when they learn to properly utilize the magic they're born with once enough magic has been culminated internally over the years. Dragons reach magical maturity after their second molt, and shapeshifting is the most common application; though most dragons like Arlecchino use human forms in order to assimilate into human society. It explains why ancient dragons are rarely ever seen. Draconic magic is unlike anything you've ever seen, incomparable to how humans use it–you couldn't even wrap your head around it. Either way, once Lyney, Lynette, and Freminet reach of age, they too will have human forms. You wondered what they would look like. 

Your life is simple, albeit a bit boring, but nonetheless, you couldn't love it more. You have children that keep you on your toes, and you have… well, Arlecchino, your personal heater at night. It's the cozy life you've always wanted, though you'd like for the nest to be more comfortable, and considerably warmer. 

It's why you’re currently at a nearby town, buying more wool with the money that you had when you were still a dragon hunter. You had traveled with Arlecchino to your hometown to retrieve the money you secretly stashed away, which could have bought a large house in the center of the town. At least, being a dragon hunter wasn't entirely useless. 

You buy your wool and head towards the edge of the forest that bordered the town. The children were waiting for you there, wanting to see what new treats you were getting them. Last time was grilled steak. This time it's dried fruits. It'd be the first time that they tried dried fruits, you hope that they'll like them. As you treach back to where you told them to stay, you notice footprints in the dirt– footprints that weren't yours, and there were multiple of them. All of them seemed to belong to men. Terror struck you in an instant. Why were there people here? People rarely come here. No, it should be fine, it’s just foragers, right? 

Anxiety grips at you as you continue, but it's quickly dispelled once you find the dragons, all safe and sound. You exhale and giggle as Lyney leaps into your arms, while Lynette brushes against your leg and Freminet perches on top of your head. 

“Freminet, you're heavy–” you stop when something snaps behind you. Immediately, you set down Lyney and Freminet before turning around, and your worst fears come to fruition as your sight lands on a group of men coming from the bushes, familiar swords and armor gleaming in the sunlight. Your stomach drops upon the realization. Dragon hunters. And there's about ten of them. Ten of them versus one of you. 

You step in front of the dragons immediately, your hand trailing to the small knife in your pocket. 

“Hey, the old man was right. Following that bitch would lead us to the dragons,” one of them said. “How much is for each head?”

“Well, babies are rare. So a few million Mora per head. Can be ten times more if we get them alive.”

“Get your Father,” you whisper to them, as you push the dragons. They croak worriedly at you, their teeth tugging on your boot for you to come with them. 

“Go!” You yelled a little more assertively. Lynette and Freminet fly off to the direction of the cave, while Lyney remains. You were about to shoo off Lyney too, but then you hear the sound of a bow being drawn. 

It's like you suddenly become possessed, your body moving on automatically as you charge at the archer, short knife in hand. You knock his hand away, making their arrow shoot astray instead of at one of the dragons still flying, before you slit his throat. You narrowly dodge one of the swordsmen's strike, his long-blade an inch away from your chest. Another one from behind you swings, and this time it cuts your side, only shallowly so. You're thankful that your dragon hunter instincts and reflexives are still imprinted on your body, as that's the only thing keeping you alive and allowing you to dodge them. Though they all seem like amateur dragon hunters, compared to you who was the best out of your year, there were still many more of them than you

Another archer draws his bow, but you're still preoccupied with dodging. This foraging knife can barely do shit, and you're hardly able to fend off against the ones surrounding you. The group of dragon hunters split off, half of them chasing towards where Lynette and Freminet went while the other half is currently fighting you.  

No, no, you can't reach him in time, what if he hits Lyney or Freminet–

Fire abruptly emerges, scalding the archer's face making him cry out. The fallen archer's scream successfully distracts the men around you, and you weasel your way out, grabbing Lyney who’s in the process of breathing out fire again and running. You drop your backpack to allow you to run better, but not before making sure you chuck it at one of the hunters. 

“Good job, Lyney,” you praise the hatchling in your arms, stroking his head. 

You had to make sure the group in front didn't find the cave. Lynette and Freminet aren't fast flyers, their wings aren't nearly developed yet. You fear that more archers are with the group in front. Thanks to the lack of weight on you, you're able to evade the ones behind quickly, and catch up to the half of the hunters that had run off earlier. 

The sound of their own footsteps mask yours, and you’re able to stab the swordsman that's lacking behind in the neck, before stealing his sword. His scream attracts the attention from the other hunters and they spin around to face you. Good, they won't be focused on the other dragons now. 

“Lyney, go, please. Your siblings need their big brother,” you whispered, giving the hatchling one more stroke on the head before throwing him up in the air. Lyney, this time, obeys you, flying away but not before giving you one more glance back. It’s just you and five hunters in front of you, another three coming soon. The archers are the most pressing concern, as you rush at them. However, two swordsmen block you from them. 

“No!” You scream as the archers take aim, their arrows aimed at Lyney. You throw your knife, past the blade-wielding hunters and into the back of the head of one of the archers. However, that action cost you your arm getting cut, a long slash down the side of your forearm. You hiss, backing away, but the three of them quickly surround you. There’s still a single archer left. 

“Fuck, what are you even protecting those stupid reptiles anyways? Just tell us where they live and we'll let you live!” 

You only grit your teeth and ready your sword. The only way you can get to the last archer is if you brute force your way, but you can't. You hear footsteps approaching from behind, and the remaining three are already here. 

“We need her alive for now, so she can tell us where it is,” you hear one of them say.

The idea starts settling inside of you–that you're going to die, if it continues like this. You’re not going to tell them where the cave is obviously, even with whatever sick torture they have in plan for you. But were you willing to die now? After you've just achieved the life you had always wanted? You just wanted to live a peaceful life… was this your karma for being a dragon hunter? You swallow thickly, trying to imagine not seeing the hatchlings again or even Arlecchino. In the short time you’ve spent with them, you really have seen them as your own, your family. Ironic that you end up dying for dragons when you yourself were a dragon hunter, huh?

Continuing fighting would be pointless. You’re dead either way, why struggle more? Still… the children are safe. It'd be okay. It'd be okay. They've survived before you, and they'll continue to survive after. Dying would be okay. 

You close your eyes, trying to blink the tears away. It'll be okay, it'll be–

A roar booms through the forest, and then a loud boom, the ground shaking violently underneath you, causing you to tumble onto the floor harshly. In front of you, on top of the crushed bodies of the former dragon hunters, the dragon form of Arlecchino appears. You quickly run to her side, grasping onto one of her legs. Soon, dark red flames escape out of her throat, enveloping the last of the hunters and then, all ten hunters are dead, just like that. 

Once the last hunter falls, Arlecchino immediately turns into her human form, holding you in her arms. You collapse into her arms, the exhaustion from the running and fighting weighing down on you as the adrenaline quickly disappears. 

“The… children?” you're able to pant out as you look up at her. 

“They're safe.” Her eyes hold gratitude towards you. “I thought I lost you.”

“I'm okay, Arlecchino, I promise. Just a few cuts,” you reassure her with a smile, nuzzling into her neck. She sighs and kisses the top of your head. 

“I’m not letting you go anywhere without me anymore.”

“Fine…” 

[creatingblackcharacters]

Hi Ice! This one is maybe a little on the outskirts of 'creating Black characters', but it is related to the introspective questions you posted a little while back, so I thought I'd ask for your opinion. I'm sure this isn't an one-easy-answer thing, so I'd love to hear from any other Black people reading this as well!

I'll try to keep it short.

I'm seven years and 300k+ words deep in a fanfiction about anthropomorphic animal characters, and your introspective questions made me face the fact that I've been the ignorant fandom racist. I wrote my main character as white. Now, 7 years later, I stumble over a post pointing out ... those are locs

I don't know if the authors intended for this character to be Black (nonblack voice actors, supplementary material also clearly doesn't draw him this way, though that stuff was all over the place re: consistency) and I frankly also am not sure if they Should have, given his role in the narrative, but a) that's not really up to me to speak on and b) he's got locs and mostly black fur and was inspired by Anubis. I've been whitewashing, there's no way around it.

I briefly considered going back and just straight up changing the story to make him Black, but I quickly realized that I have been writing him from a white-centered narrative and just slotting a Black character into that would arguably be Worse. Or at least racist in a brand new way. I can change how he takes care of his hair, but not the themes on which the entire narrative is built upon. I've been writing about a white man and I can't just pretend I haven't.

So my question to you is ... what now? How do I best acknowledge this? Do I just quietly come to terms with the fact that this story is racist and do better next time? I would like to acknowledge it in some way, I have a small but loyal audience and if I could use that platform to start a conversation (or just put out a 'hey, don't be like me') that would ... maybe at least be better than nothing? Possibly?

I know there's not a simple solution here that will Fix It, but I thought I'd ask an actual Black person who's open to educating what might be a good next move. Maybe avoid making another, new White Person Blunder. Here's to hoping.

I really appreciate all you do, your blog rocks and so do you.

Is that Shadow?

Okay, so I had to have a conversation with Hot Chocolate on this one because this one's a doozy! I appreciate that you're willing to stop and reflect though. Most people wouldn't be willing to do so this far in!

Admittedly, the fact that you're seven years into this means this will require a lot of effort. And, tbh, I might be confused bc I cannot tell what that character is 😅 So! After some thought, here's what we came up with:

Take a hiatus. Point blank period. Take a BREAK, do not pass go, do not collect $200! Idk what lore you've written, but you've written a lot of it. Take as long as you need to reread your works, and see if at any point you ever made it clear that this was a white person, or anything other than the Black character you now think they should be. If it feels undefined, where you can turn "hair" into "locs" or add in small details, then that could be your smooth way out. It doesn't have to be massive changes, but it could help. It'll take you time, for sure! But you dug seven years in, it's gone take you time to dig out. Maybe if you skim 15k words a week (or ctrl-F it for hair, for examples), that's... 20 weeks? Go at your own pace, faster or slower.

Unfortunately this happens a lot, where influences for characters will be taken from cultures of colors and improperly represented (the "African" god from Genshin). That's just a fact. So I don't necessarily blame you for the confusion, but... Now you know.

If possible, get a sensitivity reader! Preferably a Black one. Ngl, given the massive amount of work, you're likely going to have to pay them. Maybe give them half and you take half. Idk, but let another pair of eyes look at your work. Or maybe there's a Black reader that you could speak to and see how they feel about the potential change.

Should you choose to keep going, just try to be more purposeful and intentional about that character's Blackness. Definitely tell your readers what you figured out, why it's important to you, and then move forward from there.

Now, RECOGNIZE that many of them will NOT be pleased! That's kind of the thing about opening your eyes when it comes to racism in media! A lot of people will NOT be happy that you decided to be more intentional, especially if they've been imagining their favorite white guy for seven years. You're going to have to weigh your integrity and your will to create against that. People might leave, people that you thought were cool AF until it was time to show true colors. Be ready for that.

But that's just what I would do 🤷🏾‍♀️

[iwishthebestforyou]

smau account: @penelopeswifey

It still hurts, watching him fade away

kazuha x gn!reader // I didn't reread it before I posted it, so probably isn't that good

sypnosis: your childhood bestfriend — who you've had a BIG crush on since kindergarten is moving away soon. With the remaining time you have to be near him, you make it a mission to confess before he leaves.

angst btw

You fiddled with your pen as your teacher continues speaking about a topic you couldn't care less about, your mind on a whole different topic.

Staring at the window beside your seat, looking out at the view. It was already the end of your senior year, exams are piling up and it seems spring is coming to an end.

Your eyes left the windows view and stared at the career test on your table, the small piece of paper felt heavier than it should have. The simple questions make you feel pure dread.

Looking around the classroom, everyone was writing down their hopes, dreams and ambitions on that paper. While yours laid empty.

Sighing deeply, as the bell rang signifying the end of the class, finally. Your paper was still empty so, guess you'll turn it in tomorrow.

Walking out the classroom, you watched everyone walk by. Everything felt so fast, like time was mocking you as it flew by, the people around you seemingly adapted to the fast currents of time, while you.. you're still stuck here. Still stuck never knowing where you're gonna be..

Your deep thought process was interrupted by a tap on your shoulder, ah—

Its him. Kazuha.

The man you've grown to love for years, your childhood crush up until now. It may seem silly, but you've loved him ever since you were a child. Ever since he helped you up that day when you sprained your knee, that memory still perfectly in touch, the way he cried harder than you did despite you being the one injured.

It was meant to be right?

You smiled at him as he chuckled

" Just what are you doing here, standing around here hm? Waiting for me? "

He teased, words casual like always. He had no idea how much it affected you — you hated how he could say such words without being affected, while you were a mess just from a simple sentence.

" No way! I was just thinking... " You said, defending yourself from the accusation that he gave. You're not waiting for him!

" Thinking about what? It's not like you to be so lost in thought.. " He said, responding pretty quickly, as his face turned into one of curiosity.

Your face started to heat up.

" It's nothing.. it's just about the career thing.. that stupid test. " You said, looking at him and you felt the butterflies erupting in your stomach, God, how could he just stand there and look so.. so beautiful?

His eyes softened, nodding in understanding before looking at the window, the sun now annoyingly bright.. but he didn't seem as affected as you.

" I already filled that out. I'm moving abroad, I don't think staying in one place is my thing .. " He said a soft smile on his face and yours faltered.

Huh? He's moving?

Your breath hitched before you quickly repeated

" Abroad? " ..

" Yeah. " He said, looking at you.. but it felt like a knife was twisting in your chest.

" Oh.. good for you! " You said, forcing a smile that didn't reach your eyes.

The rest of the day passed in a blur after those words. Moving abroad?.. You felt the weight in your chest grow heavier.

It wasn’t like you hadn’t thought about this before.. people leave, plans change and he's no different, you always knew he had bigger dreams than this small town.. He has to do what he can to get a good future, no?.. but hearing him say it so casually made it feel so.. feel so weird.

You had one month.

Your eyes lingered on him as he walked ahead, the sunlight catching his hair in a way that made your heart ache even more. You clenched your fist, a new found determination.

One month to say what you’ve been holding onto for years.

One month to say I love you.

You can do this.

As days flew by, you found yourself clinging to every moment with Kazuha. The playful teasing, the comfortable silences everything about him became a little more exciting, a little more bittersweet, knowing that by the end of this month you won't be able to see him as freely, each playful remark, each smile a silent plea for him to realize your feelings.

You tried to confess in small ways, complimenting him, subtle hints on reconnecting after graduation, but Kazuha seemed oblivious. Or maybe he just didn’t feel the same. The thought ate you alive, but there's only a few weeks left.. you cant back out!

" Are you going to the festival? "

Your friend asked, as you snapped out your thoughts and looked up at her. Nodding absentmindedly.

" Ah.. yeah. "

Your town had an annual festival, fireworks would be lit up, the whole town would be there and it would mark your last festival before you enter adulthood.

As the days continue passing by, You had gathered the courage to ask him to the festival, determined to make him yours by the end, this would be your final attempt..

Now.. it was the day of the festival.

The atmosphere was buzzing with excitement, lanterns glowing in the dusk, and the scent of street food filling the air. It was the perfect setting, almost like something out of a movie, the perfect setting to confess.

" Ah, this place is beautiful as ever.. " He complimented, looking around.

Kazuha walked beside you, seemingly carefree as always. Talking about his day, his poems.. you barely listened, heart racing thinking about what could happen tonight.

You guys took photos together, played games.. everything a couoke would do. You felt warm, really excited. Happy to be with him.

" The fireworks should start soon.. " You said, the fireworks starting soon also signifys your confession. You can do this. Your ready.

You both found a quiet spot away from the crowds, it was a secret spot you looked for weeks before the festival, just so you guys can have this moment. A high top that overlooked the town.

The countdown begun, the countdown..

5. the crowd started, as you started building up your courage..

" 4! " The townspeople screamed, your mind screaming at you to just do it already!

" 3! " No regrets this time. C'mon. Just say it.

Your eyes looked at him, face scrunching in determination.

" 2! " You can do this.

Before the final number, You stole a glance at Kazuha, his face illuminated by the flickering lights, his expression peaceful, a glint of excitement in his eyes at he stared at the sky expectedly.

Your heart pounded. This was it.

You opened your mouth, the words sitting heavy on the tip of your tongue. I love you.

Your hand trembled as you reached for his. The distance between your hands was so small, yet it felt like an ocean. But before you could close the gap, a wave of fear crashed over you.

What if telling him would change everything? What if he didn’t feel the same, and this comfortable space between you shattered? Every single moment from before up to now would be useless. No way, you can't handle that. You didn’t want to risk losing him, even if it meant never knowing.

You hesitated, fingers curling back into your palm. The words died in your throat, swallowed by the sound of the fireworks exploding in the distance.

Kazuha turned to you, smiling softly, completely unaware of the mental battle in your head,

You forced yourself to smile back, the ache in your chest growing.

The fireworks lighting up the sky and the people cheering in joy, it felt like the world was mocking you.

"Enjoying the fireworks?" he asked, his voice casual and soft, the same voice you wish you could forget right now.

You nodded, unable to trust yourself to speak, feeling something welling up in your eye, looking away from him.

The fireworks continued to light up the night sky, but you couldn’t bring yourself to watch them anymore, the moment was quiet. If maybe in different circumstances it would've been a romantic moment. But right now, you felt so far from him.

You had your chance and you let it slip away.

As the fireworks bloomed in the sky, casting their glow over the town, you felt the weight of the silence pressing harder against your chest. You’d practiced this moment in your head a hundred times, imagining the perfect scenario where you’d gather the courage to say the words.

Just 3 words.

But now, standing beside him, it felt impossible.

Kazuha leaned back, a soft smile, letting out a soft sigh. He seemed content, his eyes reflecting the colors above. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" he murmured, his voice low and content.

You nodded again, still unable to speak, eyes looking away. You couldn't bare to look up at the sky. The ache that had been simmering in your chest all month— maybe years, had finally turned into a dull, throbbing pain. How could you stand here, so close to him, and still feel so far away..

Isn't he supposed to be your safe person?

Another firework exploded in the distance, removing you from your thoughts, followed by a round of cheers from the people down below. The world seemed so full of life, moving together. But here, in this quiet corner with Kazuha, all you could feel was the passing of time slipping through your fingers and the fear of what's next.

You tried to focus on the present, on the warmth of the moment, but your mind kept spinning back to the what ifs.

But each question led to another knot in your stomach, each doubt pulling you further from the idea of confessing.

As the last burst of fireworks lit up the sky, Kazuha stood up, brushing the dust off his pants. He turned to you with a soft, gentle smile—the kind that made your heart flutter and ache at the same time, he pulled you up. The touch making you feel horrible and warm.

"Thanks for today," he said, his eyes crinkling at the corners. " I had a lot of fun. "

How could he just smile like that?

You managed a small smile in return, trying to ignore the tears threatening to spill over.

" Me too ."

For a moment, you stood there, staring at him, hoping maybe, just maybe.. he’d say something, say that he understands the feelings lingering between you. But he didn’t.

Instead, Kazuha gave a small wave, turning back toward the festival lights. "Let's head back. It's getting late."

As he walked ahead, your gaze followed him, the words you could never say caught in your throat. You had your chance, and you let it slip away. And now, all you could do was watch as the one person who meant the world to you disappeared into the crowd, the distance between you growing with every step, he was moving on. Just like everyone else.

He was going home and in the heat of moment you screamed at him from afar,

" Kazuha! The moon..! The moon is beautiful tonight!! "

You yelled, smiling at him with a pained look, a desperate look. Just maybe— Maybe!

He looks back at you, an unreadable expression on his face. He sighed before flashing a soft bittersweet smile and yelling back.

" I prefer the sunset. "

The tears you've been holding back all this time finally spilled, all your emotions hitting you. Sobs coming out as you looked down.

— And just like that, that marks the end of your crush on Kazuha, a crush that lasted from kindergarten to now, your eyes fixed on his figure that slowly got smaller the further he got.

A painful reminder that your no one special in his life, when in yours he was the most special one. You will fade into his memories, staying as someone in the past, never the present.

And so, you stayed there, standing alone under the empty sky, watching the flickering glow of the festival fade into the night. He was moving on, just like the sunset.

And maybe.. maybe it was time for you to do the same.

[egcdeath]

hello hello how are u!!?

i’ve been rereading a few of ur fics hehe i just wanna say that i love ur writing omfg like yes plz i wanna eat the words

ok ok so i’d love to know ur thoughts on a bully!patrick x reader?? he’s just so cocky and i’d love to see what would happen if he pushed *juuuuuust* a bit further…

maybe it’s their college years and he is practically jeering and ragging at the reader while she’s at her sports practice. i think patrick would like the way her face scrunches up in anger, but she ignores him because she knows better than to go back and forth due to his quick wit. he’d act like a schoolboy. i think he’d also like getting real up close and personal w her, but never touching. and maybe he’d even go as far as to pull at her hair. “accidentally”. hooooooo boy, and the sexual undertones within it all. reasons seemingly unknown, but i believe he just has a crush on the reader, he’s being a hellish brat about it.

and reader enjoys is cuz patrick has a certain charm and he’s just so irresistible xxx but sometimes she wishes he was nicer to her but also where’s the fun in that?? and at certain times maybe he shows that he cares about her…like omg my heart

…ok i am so sorry for rambling i did NOT expect to go into such detail and also sorry if it’s a little corny😭😭😭 anyway, you don’t necessarily have to write headcanons or a fic, i more so would just love to hear ur thoughts on it, the whole bully aspect is really interesting (and hot) to me 🫢 ok again sorry for writing a whole novel in here hope ur having a good day! ur most recent fic was [chefs kiss] and im excited to read what u have cooking up x

omg i absolutely LOVE this concept!! what i immediately thought of was patrick and the reader being in very similar tennis circles (idk how tennis works so lets just assume that they're playing at similar events and reader is obviously playing w women) and like, at first, you cannot stand this man at all. like he always seems to find you before you play, or at your hotel after you've played, or at parties for the players, and he ALWAYS has something to say. a comment on your technique. a snide remark on how you played that day. a taunt about how you're never gonna beat the opponent you're playing against that day.

but the thing is... in a way, his bullying kinda helps you perform better? like he gets you so riled up and feeling so spiteful that you goes out onto the court and demolishes whoever you're playing against. so in a way it's kinda helpful... but also fucking annoying.

and like, at first you try to go back and forth with him but you literally never win the verbal spars so one day you just give up. and also part of you knows that he doesn't genuinely mean it?? maybe he even knows that his pestering is helpful to you and maybe thats why he does it?? but he is being an annoying pest regardless and you can't deal with him buzzing around your ear all the time and getting in your head before you play. so you just stop entertaining it.

but once you stop entertaining it, he gets kinda worried. like you've had this thing going on for a while and now suddenly you just don't care anymore. so now his gibes turn into questioning you CONSTANTLY. are you seeing someone? are you planning something?? what changed?? and when that doesn't work out for him he starts being nice to you. and thats when you start getting worried. i think this would make them have to admit their feelings to each other then BOOM happily ever after!!

i loveee this idea and it was so fun to think about! i'm usually a little iffy about bullying stuff buttt i could totally see it working in this context.

[i-literally-cant-with-this]

A/N ♕ This is gaudy as shit and I don't care. Idk. There may be inconsistencies with the story, so, sorry. I've been working on this all day. 8 pages on Google Docs so you're in for a read. Good stuff starts at page 3 (mind you, this is from Google Docs perspective.) I read, reread, rereread, rerereread, rererereread .... until I couldn't. This is a little headcanon-y and a little fic-y. It's just what I was feeling. I know you know what to do if there's anything horribly wrong. For real, though. This is so fucking long I never want to see my laptop again.

C/W ♕ Unprotected P->V, F->M & M->F Oral, M->eating his cum (sorta) from F, kinda rough sex but they like it. I'm so brain dead right now that I can't remember everything. Soft broken Hanma eventually. I like you, no shit? I like you too. Kiss kiss. Snooze snooze. Happy happy.

Funsies ♕ A link of the playlist I made while I was writing this in case anyone wants to check it out. I don't think the read will exhaust the playlist so pick any song you want and it should, theoretically work at any point?

WC ♕ 3,915 (ISH - I change things once I get it here on Tumblr, but it's around that.

♕ You'll never forget the first time you rode on the back of Hanma's bike with him.

♕ He wasn't really keen on the idea of taking you home. You weren't even his responsibility.

♕ But it was a favor for one of his captains.

♕ Hanma put his helmet on you, tightening the strap under your chin carefully so he wouldn't pinch your delicate skin.

♕ He was so pissed when he noticed how pretty your eyes were, staring so intently back into his. He had to shake himself out of the distraction.

♕ "You're not wearing a helmet, Shuji?" You asked.

♕ "This's the only one I have, obviously. And you're going to wear it, got it?" He was so adamant about that.

♕ He got you settled in the helmet and threw his leg over his bike. Looking at you impatiently, waiting for you to get on, he put his hand out and you took it.

♕ You hopped on behind him and wrapped your arms around his straight waistline. And you're not sure if your heart skipped a beat because you were so nervous about being on the back of a motorcycle with him for the first time or if it was how you felt with your cheek pressed to his back

♕ He also noticed how nice your arms felt wrapped around him. He turned his head before he took off and told you you'd better hold on tighter, he doesn't drive like a 30 year old.

♕ Hanma thought he turned his head enough from your line of vision before he smiled. But you saw it.

♕ So you did what he asked and squeezed him tighter, pressing your chest harder against his back.

♕ He started the engine and the vibrations sent shockwaves throughout your cunt body like you've never experienced.

♕ Both you and Hanma thought it wasn't possible for you to get any closer to him, but you both somehow managed to impress the other.

♕ He was at a stoplight about 3 blocks from your house and he reached back to give your thigh a little pat.

♕ "Hold on to me, hana. I'm gonna go like hell when I see that light turn green."

♕ His hand stayed on your thigh even after he took off. Stayed there for so long, actually, that you were getting concerned about the upcoming turn in the road. But he pulled his hand forward just in time to take it with ease.

♕ The wind against your face that carried his scent - which you could NOT place, (Sandlewood? Cedar? It was DELICIOUS to say the least) was starting to make you feel drunk.

♕ You could just barely hear the music playing through the small (but strangely loud) speakers --- Be Quiet and Drive (Far Away), Deftones. You had heard the song before and liked it but now it held a certain heaviness over you. Everything about this moment felt right. The night was warm. The stars were out.

♕ How the fuck had you not realized this before?

♕ Hanma is ... he's fucking sexy.

♕ He pulled up to your place and he stopped the bike, letting it idle while sitting in your driveway.

♕ "Ok, you have arrived at your destination. You're welcome, for the ride of your life." He seemed a little more lighthearted now than when he first was roped into taking you home.

♕ "Yeah. Yeah, thanks. Um, thanks. Do you - maybe ... want some ..." you just couldn't fucking talk. He looked so handsome in the soft yellow lights that lined the street.

♕ "You got some food? I could eat, yeah." He kicked the bike stand out and turned it off and reached up to remove his helmet from your head.

♕ If he missed the blush that washed over your face he'd have to be a blind man. But you noticed a faint smile on him, too. So you think he caught it.

♕ "What do you feel like? I just went shopping and I'm fully stocked." You stood with your back to him, he was in the living room looking around at the shit you had all over your walls. Weird art that made him feel things. Stuff he's never thought himself capable of feeling - not bad things, either. But new things.

♕ And you felt comfortable with all of this. Knowing he was in another room than you. Except, he wasn't in the living room anymore. He was right fucking behind you. You stopped to look up into the cupboard you stood in front of to see what was there, if it was easy and quick to fix up.

♕ He reached out and traced the curve of your waist and leaned in, putting his face to the back of your head. "You going to feed me, y/n?"

♕ Your first thought was who's going to perform CPR on your right now because you're about to die. His breath was so hot on the back of your neck you were able to document the time that your heart actually stopped beating for a second.

♕ Hanma put his hands on your shoulders and ran them down your arms. When he got to your wrists, he pulled them behind your back more roughly than you've ever been touched by any man before.

♕ And he's so much taller than you, so he has to bend over so he can talk right into your ear.

♕ "I'm sure it's ready for me to eat right now. Not much prep is going to be required. I guess, in a way, you could almost call it fast food?" He yanked you so you were standing up straight and your back was flush with his front.

♕ You didn't know what to do with your hands so you just left them where he placed them. He had his free hand back on your waist, squeezing and exploring.

♕ "I don't think I've ever wanted something so bad as I do right now, hana." He said, letting his fingers dip lower and lower. You threw your head back and it fit into the dip between his neck and shoulder.

♕ You couldn't help but think he was such a fucking gentleman, waiting for your permission before he took anything. You leaned back against his chest and turned your head to kiss him. "Then take ... take it. Take what you want, Shuji. Take it all."

♕ Hanma's hand went back up to your throat and squeezed just enough to make you gasp.

♕ He leaned around and pressed his mouth to the corners of your lips, teasing you into giving yourself fully over to the kiss and sliding his tongue down your jawline to your neck. Ending up at your ear once more.

♕ "Good girl, hana. You're so wet for me right now, I can fucking smell it. Tell me what you want me to take. Hm? You want me to take you? You're going to be so good for me. Or maybe not? Maybe you're just going to be a nasty ... little ... bitch. I think I'd like to see that. This sweet girl act you put on. I've seen you walking around like you're just the best thing around here. Well? You going to prove that to me, hana? Huh?" He said, his voice dropping an octave as he ran his hand down your stomach and dipped his fingers into your panties.

♕ He moaned into your ear, "Oh fuck, hana. You're dripping for me. I'm going to fucking ruin you."

♕ He turned you around more roughly than he had to and hoisted you onto the counter, yanking your pants down and kneeling down before you, inhaling your scent. Deeply.

♕ Hanma looked up at you with such fire in his eyes, you couldn't help but feel a little intimidated. He traced his finger over your pussy, feeling your wetness before leaning forward and dragging his tongue over the same invisible line his finger forged on your trembling skin.

♕ You arched your back and gasped as he brushed his lips against your thighs. You could feel how heavy his breathing had gotten. He pushed one finger passed your folds, then two, and you could feel yourself tightening around him.

♕ "Shu, f-fuck. Please, I need ... I need ..."

♕ He looked up at you with his eyebrows raised. "What do you need, hana. Use your words."

♕ You reached down and grabbed him by the ears, pulling him up to your face. "I ... fuck me, Shuji." You kissed him, tasting yourself on him.

♕ Hanma didn't waste a second. He pulled you off the counter and dragged you into your bedroom. You turned around and yanked at his belt buckle, pulling it from the loops all at once and threw it across the room, unzipping his pants and pulling them down.

♕ He leaned you over the bed, spreading your legs and reaching up to squeeze your ass. You looked back at him, wanting him to fill you up.

♕ Hanma rubbed his tip up and down your slit, teasing you. "Shuji just ... just fuck me."

♕ You were so whiny and needy. It was making him so hard. He wanted to fuck you right then and there. To give you what you were so desperately and metaphorically, on your knees for.

♕ But the sadist in him, found it hard to acknowledge your pleas so soon. He didn't want you to work for this, per se. But he wanted to make good and damn sure you wanted him as much as he wanted you. So what if he had to deny himself instant gratification. The look on your sweet, flushed face was already worth having to drag this out.

♕ "You've been so good for me, hana. I'm going to give you exactly what you need. But I don't want you to come too soon." He said, smirking as he pulled you back to your feet and turned you around, pressing his hands into your shoulders until you were on your knees.

♕ Hanma reached down and pulled his cock out of his boxers and he patted your chin a few times. Urging your mouth to open so he could slap it on your tongue before pushing his tip into your mouth. You let him guide you as you took him down your throat. He kept his eyes on you, watching as you struggled to take him all the way in.

♕ "Fuck, y/n. Look at you. Taking me like a good little slut. I knew you were going to act like a little bitch in heat. Choking down my cock like that." He praised you through gritted teeth. Despite sounding so volatile, it made you feel so good to be used by him this way.

♕ He pulled out of your mouth and pushed you back onto the bed, flipping you over onto your stomach. He pulled your hips up and guided his tip into you, slowly pushing himself in until he was all the way inside you.

♕ Hanma held himself there for a minute, feeling you tighten around him. He started moving again, in and out of you.

♕ You felt like you were on the edge of an orgasm with every thrust. The disgusting way he used you for his own pleasure and the way he spoke to you was driving you mad.

♕ "Shuji, fuck ... I'm gonna cum."

♕ He pulled out and turned you onto your back. He spread your legs apart and leaned over you, pushing himself back inside you and pressing his lips to yours.

♕ "Yeah? How close? How close are you?" He dragged his teeth over your ear and on down to your visibly beating pulse point and left a purple mark in his wake. You clenched up around his cock so hard when he did this that he had to stop moving and pull himself together. "Fuck! Hana! Keep that shit up and this is over. I'm fucking finished."

♕ He thrust into you harder, his balls slapping against your ass wasn't helping you hold off cumming all over him. You felt your orgasm building up inside you. You reached down to rub your clit, but he saw where your fingers were aiming and he brushed your hand aside and started rubbing soft circles on it for you. It made you moan - the most whorish, slutty sound you have ever let out.

♕ It was out of your control at this point. His dick pounding inside of you, hitting all the right spots at all the right times was making you more cock-drunk than you have ever felt. If you could even consider yourself aware of anything other than his golden eyes burning holes into yours and the rise and fall of his hips against your spread legs.

♕ Your cunt swallowed his cock so perfectly. The thought crossed your mind that you were made for each other. But that's ridiculous. Hanma hates you. Right? He didn't even want to take you home. So why, then, is he balls deep inside of you right now. Don't fucking ask, you thought to yourself. Doing any and every little thing you could to stave off your imminent crash.

♕ He could see your eyes start to roll back and he knew what was happening. He pressed his thumb harder against your clit and started circling it faster.

♕ "Cum for me, hana. Show me how much you wanted this, how much you wanted my cock inside of you." He sucked on your nipple as he fucked you. Balancing over you on his left hand, his right hand still trifling with your pulsing clit. You tried to buck up against him for any extra stimulation but he only pulled back. "Aht! I make you cum. You ... you let me. Understand, hana? I ... make ... you ... cum." He growled through his clenched jaw directly into your ear. Punctuating each word with driving his hips harder and harder against you.

♕ You couldn't hold it in anymore. You came so hard and you didn't even care that he was watching you so closely. You let your body relax and gave in to the moment. You'd pretty much checked out mentally, but whatever connection remained between your brain and your body was otherworldly. You felt his cock sliding in and out of your soaked cunt. It was so thick and long. Nothing like you imagined it would be by just looking at his tall, thin frame. (But aren't those guys always the wildcard?) It was all you could focus on.

♕ Hanma was ready to cum, too. He pulled out of you and turned you over onto your stomach again. He slapped his wet cock against your ass before pushing back into your pussy, making you moan into the sheets.

♕ You were still twitching against him. As close as he was to blowing his sticky load of cum inside of you, as hard as his cock was twitching, he was so transfixed by how you felt around him. So fucking hot. So fucking soft. So fucking beautiful. Like a goddamn flower. Your pussy made him think of the most beautiful flower and nothing would ever change his mind about that. (And he would never figure out why - but he wondered if it had to do with the weird art in your living room).

♕ "Fuck, hana. Fuck!Fuck!Fuck! You want me to cum inside this pussy? Want me to cum in my pussy, huh? Yeah? Fuck, cumming so fuck- hard, holy shit. Fuck!" Hanma came with such force, you could feel his cum pouring into you. And soon after, seeping out of you from around his cock still inside of your stretched hole. He collapsed on top of you, both of you breathing heavily. He didn't want to move, not yet.

♕ And he felt like it should bother him that he was still here with you. Still, physically, a part of you, as much as you were a part of him. But he couldn't think of a single reason why he should leave. Let alone why he'd want to leave.

♕ "Shu, you ... I ... well," you tried to speak but couldn't form a coherent thought just yet. "Um," it was useless. You couldn't think. So you just laid there underneath him. Feeling more and more empty with each passing second as the sadness of this being over filled you instead feeling full from Hanma. It was not a good placeholder for him. It was not feeling nearly as good as he did. And you felt like crying.

♕ Whether because it was just too much for you or it was just nothing to him. What if it were both? Shit. You're starting to cry.

♕ He felt you tremble underneath him and he rolled off of you, turning you over to face him.

♕ "Hey, what's wrong? Hana? Look at me, now. Did I hurt you? Did I do something?" He looked more concerned that irritated. And that's probably what surprised you the most. You tried to hide your face, but he grabbed your chin and pulled you back.

♕ "No, it's ... it's nothing. I just ... it was too much. You were too good." You said, laughing hard through the tears, wholly embarrassed by your generous assessment.

♕ "Oh, what now?" Hanma smiled and kissed you on the forehead. He reached down and grabbed your hand, bringing it to his mouth and kissing it. "You say I was too good? Were you even here? I mean ... I guess it's impossible for you to feel yourself. But, I guess ... I guess I'm only as good as who I'm with? And, hana," he cupped your face in his rough, slightly grease stained and scarred hand, "you were good, too."

♕ You laughed again, shaking your head. "Don't ... don't be nice to me. I can't handle it. And that's not even ... you don't have to say that to me. I know you don't like me. You can't fucking stand me. I knew all of this when I asked your captain to make you give me a ride. How embarrassing is that. I fucking am so pathetic sometimes." You rubbed your eyes with the heel of your palm. "God. You can go. You don't have to stay. It's alright. I'm ... I'll be ... fine. I always am."

♕ Hanma sat up on his elbow, looking down at you with his brow furrowed. "Hana. I can't believe you're this stupid." He rubbed the back of his neck and looked out into the hallway.

♕ "Shuji! Who the fuck is Hana? And why do you keep calling me that? My name is-" great, now you look sad and insane.

♕ "Chill, crazy. Hana means blossom. And I think, ffffuck. Ithinkyou'reprettylikeaflowerplusyourpussyispretty." His words ran together but you heard every single separate syllable. You're pretty sure you fell in love with him a little bit, too. The fucker.

♕ He leaned over you again, pressing his lips to yours. You moaned against his mouth and reached to grab his cock, but he stopped you. "No. I wanna make you feel good. It's your turn." He kissed your neck and made his way down to your pussy, licking up his own cum that had dripped out of you. You bucked your hips up into his face, reaching down to grab a fistful of his hair.

♕ He looked up at you with wide eyes, smirking. "Hold on, hana. I got you." He sucked your clit between his lips, pressing his tongue against it and making you cry out in pleasure. He pushed two fingers into your pussy and started pumping them in and out of you, hitting your g-spot while he circled your clit with the tip of his tongue.

♕ "Fuck, Shu! Fuck me!" You screamed.

♕ He looked up at you with his eyelids still heavy. "That's what I'm trying to do, baby." He said, chuckling. "Just this time, it's with my mouth. Ok? So sit back and enjoy the ride." He leaned back down and continued sucking and licking and pumping you until you couldn't hold on anymore. You came for him, all over his face. And he didn't seem to mind one bit.

♕ He crawled up to you and laid beside you again. You looked over at him and smiled. "You're such an asshole. But I kind of like you."

♕ He leaned over and kissed you, letting you taste yourself on him. Again. "No shit? I've liked you for a while. But I ... hell, I don't know. I guess I thought you were too good for me or something." He put his head against your chest, subconsciously counting the heartbeats coming from your body. "That's usually what people tell me. The guys and stuff. They always give me shit about anyone I like. Except ... except for you. They respect you."

♕ You nodded slowly, spacing out on the chunk of blond hair above his forehead. "Yeah, it helps having a cousin who's a captain. But Shuji, I do. I really do like you. I just wanted you to know that."

♕ Hanma looked up at you with a softness in his eyes you had never seen before. "I know, hana. I know." He kissed you again, pulling the sheet over both of you. He didn't want you to see him get worked up. Not over you. Not emotionally. Not just yet. But he was pretty sure he was starting to fall in love with you. And that was just something he wasn't prepared for. Though he'd have to face up to it. Sooner, rather than later, he thought.

♕ He turned over onto his back and let you snuggle up next to him, throwing your arm over his chest. He closed his eyes, thinking about how much he'd like to do this again. Just like this. Just you.

♕ You reached over and turned off the lamp, laying your head against his chest and simply being in the darkened room with him. It was so easy, you thought. And you hoped it would always be that way, though you knew better than to believe that. Because Hanma was a very complicated man on the outside and inside. And you wanted to be the one who could be there to understand him. The one who could get to know him. The one who could make him laugh and cry and feel any and everything he ever wanted to feel. You wanted to be the one who'd be there to listen to anything he had to say. Softly spoken or screamed out.

♕ And that's all you wanted. To be there for him. And with him. And with him.

♕ "Good night, little hana." He said, pulling you tighter against him.

♕ "Good night, beautiful Shuji." You smiled in the darkness and drifted off to sleep.

♕ And you didn't care how much you'd regret saying it or how much you'd try to deny it. It was true. You were in love with him. And you knew it would be some time before he could admit he felt the same way. But you would give him whatever amount of time he needed.

♕ He hoped he would be worth it. Hanma wasn't necessarily a good man. He has never been called a good man. Never has he ever really felt like one.

♕ But he heard you talking to him in the morning before you got out of bed to fix the coffee. Telling him how you'd be there for him as best you could. No matter what.

♕ He thought to himself that he hoped he'd never disappoint you. No matter what.

Taglist ::: @katkitkats @darkstarlight82 @arlerts-angel @viburnt @kazutora-kurokawa

[king-paimon]

Houseki No Kuni Chapter 108 Thoughts: Everything Stays....

Hello all. I hope the month of April was good to everyone. It was alright for me, though I'm just in awe by how fast it went! Time really goes by too quickly as you get older.

Speaking of time, would you look at that? The final chapter of Houseki no Kuni was released! 108 chapters over the course of 12 years. And I've been following it for nearly 5 of those years! Wow! That is quite the feat, Ms. Ichikawa.

I'd been waiting for this day for a long time, and the feeling is bittersweet, with the overlaying feeling of relief. This emotional rollercoaster that Ms. Ichikawa had sent us on has finally reached it's dock.

Phos's story is finally complete. What a ride it had been!

Now the question is: Was I satisfied?....

I'll do my best to answer this. I don't know how long this post will be, but I'm hoping that it won't be too long (edit: Oops. I was wrong.) And as always, please feel free share your own thoughts if you're interested!

Here we go:

Phos's True End: Was It Satisfying?

I reread this chapter a few times to answer this question and to be honest, I still reach the same conclusion: It was fitting. Not absolutely bad or 100% amazing, but in terms of Phos's whole journey throughout this story, I think this was a fitting ending for Phos, and that's good. And if anything else, it's a little ironic.

I mentioned in my last post that I thought it was funny that the remaining piece of Phos had become the youngest/newest member of the pebble species much like how they originally were at the beginning off the whole manga. It seems though, the similarities don't end there because of this little interaction between Eyeball/Pita-pat and Pebble Phos:

I'm sure this was supposed to be a little cheeky conversation and Eyeball/Pita-pat didn't really mean it. But still, this was an interesting exchange to include in this final chapter, especially right before it's implied that Eyeball/Pita-pat passed away.

One intriguing story choice Ichikawa made was having Pebble Phos continuously fall apart near the end to the point that they become a small spec. To be honest, I was not sure how to feel about this part when I first read, especially considering how now there's hardly any of Phos left now. Like, after Eyeball/Pita-pat saved that last bit of Phos so they could have a nice life away from humanity, it'd be unfair for them to break apart again to nothing after all of that. But I did like how the pebbles decided to view Pebble Phos' changes; that their fragments surely became beautiful comets that would brighten someone's day. And that shot with original Phos was nice...

Also, I saw the post that implied that Ichikawa released this final chapter around the same time that a rare famous comet was supposed to be seen on Earth. I want to say that I think it was a pure coincidence, but I'm not putting anything past this author!

This chapter made me think of that one song from Adventure Time: Everything Stays. If you haven't heard of it, please give a listen. It's a song about life and the course of change. It focuses on how even if things appear to stay the same over the course of time, changes still occur, even if subtle. Phos certainly changed a lot throughout their story through intense mind and physical altering events. But I also think they changed subtly even during the less intense moments. I think the moments in this final chapter fit with this song, too. Phos was always evolving, even when it didn't appear so. Through their interactions and lack thereof with others and their environment, Phos was always changing and growing, ever so subtly. And even in this last chapter, Phos is still evolving and that'll likely never end.

Interesting... after thinking about it some more, I think I feel a little more satisfied with how this chapter/story ended. I'm glad that Ms. Ichikawa didn't pull some other twist near the end; that certainly would have ruined it for me. Am I 100% happy with how Phos's story ended? I don't think so. But to me, it's a fitting end.

But what do I think about the series as a whole?

When The Journey Ends: Was It Worth It?

There are very few manga or written stories that had me wanting to see how things end because more often than not, there aren't that many stories that I've read to completion. Part of it is because I don't want the story to end; basically, I'd have the thought process that if I don't know how the story ends, the story doesn't end! Perfect logic (sarcasm). Though this usually happens because I lose interest or because the story goes in directions that I don't like, I'd say one of the main reasons I end up dropping a series is because of how a story ends. How a story ends can completely change one's opinion of a story, and I've seen my fair share of stories that end badly. Sometimes the ending is abrupt and not satisfying, especially if it was lead by a big build up, or the ending is a result of a jarring story pivot that seems to come out of left field. It just seems that many creators don't know how to end their story well. And if I like a story a lot, sometimes I'm too scared to see how it ends. Partially because I don't want the story to end, but mostly because I don't want the end to ruin my experience.

Houseki no Kuni is a unique case for me. I know I've mentioned this before but I'll state it again: I don't think I've ever been so invested in a story like this before. Though that investment had dwindled over time, partially due to me developing new interests, life, and being occasionally dissatisfied with certain story choices, I wanted to see this how this story would end no matter what. And now that it's done, I'm glad I stuck it out.

Was this story perfect? No. There were several story decisions that I wish was either told differently or completely omitted that could have made the story stronger in my opinion.

Did I get a too invested in this story? During certain points, most definitely haha. I remember getting very emotional about certain chapters when I first started making this series of meta posts. I remember seeing some posts from people stating that they no longer liked the manga because of the direction it was going and in some cases, I could see where they were coming from.

Do I regret getting so invested in this story? No. No I don't. Despite not liking certain story aspects, I do not regret getting invested in this story. Though the story was not perfect, this was such a unique experience that I'm grateful to have gone through.

I plan on talking more about how I feel about Houseki no Kuni as a whole in another post. I intend to delve into what I loved about it and what I wish was different. While I could include that stuff here, I think this post is long enough. I've already started working on it, but I know it'll be a while before it's done; you bet there will be some parts with me ranting a little haha

But long story short, despite some grievances I have with some parts of the story, I feel satisfied with how it ended. And I'm glad that I read this series.

What Happens Next: Thank you, HnK Fandom

I want to thank those who've read, liked, and even commented on my posts! I didn't think so many of you would like, let alone read, my longwinded messy posts. I loved every feedback I got, even the ones that didn't agree with me. You made me love being part of this niche fandom. Like I said in the previous section, I have at least one more post that I want to make detailing everything I feel about Houseki No Kuni as a whole. I might make another one that's more for fun, but we'll see. I encourage anyone who's interested to share your own thoughts on the post! I seriously love reading different perspectives.

But after those posts, I don't know how involved I'll be in the fandom afterwards. I may repost some art and other people's meta posts on occasion. But when it comes to meta commentary, these will likely be my last posts about HnK. I have other fandoms that I like to follow, though I don't make posts about them. Perhaps I will, though I know they will be nothing like the posts I've made about Houseki no Kuni. This was the only series I've ever felt compelled to analyze so deeply, which makes it special for me. If I were to post anything about the other stuff I'm into, it'll most likely be of fanart that I made for my own personal enjoyment. I know scare many of my followers away since they'll not be HnK related. But who knows? I haven't made any HnK art in a long time... Maybe one of these days, I can try to make some HnK art again. I have some unfinished pieces on my computer that's now years old. Yeah, I should finish them when I have the time. That'd be a fun little send off.

Anyhow, if you are interested, please hang around for my final HnK meta posts! And when it's out, please please PLEASE share your own thoughts in it! Don't be afraid to share your opinions. I promise I don't bite.

So that's it. These are my thoughts of the final chapter of Houseki no Kuni. I might add more to it, but I'm fine with what I put out. Wow... I still can't believe I got into this series 5 years ago! So much had changed in my life since then. Despite everything, it was worth it.

Thank you again for reading my jargon. It means a lot and I can't wait to post my true final meta posts about Houseki no Kuni.

What a ride this was.

Until next time...

[yuseirra]

The manga is complete, right? And it STILL bothers and makes me wrap my head because I really don't get...why some things are written the way it is. Rereading the volumes, I just-

Did Kamiki really actively try to get back at Ai? Is he really the one that should have been the target for Aqua's revenge??? Why is that left unclear???

Doesn’t seem like it, right??? I don’t think he even had the slightest intention to do so.

Why is this manga so ambiguous? Why did they write him like this if it is???

I majored in psychology, you know?

Even setting aside mythology (and honestly, this manga can't even be explained without it), when you analyze that character's behavior, there's just so much that isn't normal. It seems like he genuinely loved Ai, and personality-wise... he didn’t seem like the type to hurt anyone in the first place. Even if he did harm someone, he doesn’t seem like the kind of coward who’d aim his anger at Ai.

What he testified must be the truth?? He sent her flowers to congratulate her performance, but then something happened that led to her death because of it, and it seems like that completely broke him.

If he really were the kind of person who’d intentionally harm Ai, then the way the story portrays him would need to be entirely different. This bothers me so much.

He doesn’t seem to have held any ill will toward Ai. He’s just so self-deprecating and powerless. I say this again and again, he lacks anger. Sure, it’s not impossible for someone to lose their strength after harming someone, but then why does he have flashbacks of smiling so brightly with Ai, or memories of her that he says he can’t bear to let fade? That’s not hatred—it’s affection. It’s longing. If he’d been the one to harm her, his memories would’ve gone through a rationalization process. They wouldn’t have remained so tender and vibrant.

He said Ai understood him, accepted him, and loved him. He said he only felt alive when he was with her. That’s the kind of response someone has when they lose someone they genuinely loved.

If he hated her for leaving him and wanted to drive her to despair, his reactions and their relationship wouldn’t make sense. Both Ai and Kamiki seem to have genuinely cared for one another, and the things they’ve said could only come from people who were happy together.

There’s no real sense of hostility between them. Even during their phone conversation, Ai didn’t seem uncomfortable talking to her ex. She even suggested he come over to the house where her two children were. Sure, it might’ve been difficult to meet outside, but still…

Isn’t it because Kamiki respected Ai’s wishes to stay apart that she felt comfortable reaching out to him without much burden? Ai must’ve thought he was someone trustworthy.

People’s personalities don’t change so drastically overnight. Up until that point, he seemed perfectly fine. From the way they talked, it seemed like they had a really good relationship when they were together. It’s not easy to say you want to be with someone forever, but both of them said things like that about each other, and the way they reminisce about each other is so bright and beautiful.

Honestly, as soon as I read Chapter 154, I thought, “He’s lying. There’s no way he even thought of scaring Ai.” But it’s true that things around this character have become seriously twisted.

And then, when I saw that the goddess of entertainment’s husband is a god who guides people’s futures in the right direction—a god of light—it all started making sense. That fits perfectly, doesn’t it? The goddess of entertainment was already mentioned in the story! Why didn’t they explain this?!

In the manga, the other characters all treat Kamiki as some kind of monster or trash who needs to be punished, saying he’s the one who killed Ai, etc.

So, I thought, “Oh, is that so?” but…

If that’s the case, the story shouldn’t have been written this way.

So I became REALLY intent on what this character behaved like the moment we had Ai had her say on him and

I kept noticing things. As soon as I heard “Fatal” I thought, “This is Kamiki’s song.” And at the end, it was confirmed—yes, it is. It’s about how he thought it was his destiny to do whatever he's done, wanted to feel Ai, wanted to offer something to her… but fell into darkness. He went mad because he missed Ai so much. He totally fell apart like the speaker of that song.

If that’s true, then “Mephisto” is Kamiki’s song too. The two songs are essentially saying the same thing, aren’t they? Wishing to reunite with the dead!! Missing them to the state of letting yourself go!

If those songs represent his character, then there’s no way he orchestrated Ai’s death. I'm speaking this from a psychological standpoint. Songs like these wouldn’t exist otherwise.

Songs like this, with these emotional nuances, are incredibly difficult to associate with someone who harmed the person they’re talking about in such a way.

If he truly did harm Ai, there would have to be more context. But what I feel is that, twisted as he may have become, he likely only fell apart after Ai’s death. I don’t think he lied about only wanting to send her flowers.

Because why else would he be destroying himself, pouring his entire life into feeling Ai’s presence again? At this point, there’s no reason for him to lie about not intending to hurt her. He’s already consumed by guilt. His mental state is terrible. He’s desperate and losing control.

So what exactly is Aqua’s revenge about? What is Aqua even trying to avenge? That’s why it’s no longer about revenge—it’s about protecting Ruby. Aqua says so himself: the justification for going after Kamiki has shifted to something else entirely. The story suddenly became about Ruby’s future, and that’s likely because Ruby is Amaterasu, while Kamiki is Sarutahiko. He’s the god destined to guide others after Amaterasu took over his place with the persuasion of his wife, who's said to have met his end by drowning!!

I feel this story was handled so ambiguously because revealing this properly would undermine everything Aqua has done so far. If this guy's really that responsible about causing Ai's death, why did this piece just keep beating around the bush???? Why don't they show us what's actually happened???? I couldn't support Aqua wholeheartedly because of this!! What if he really didn't want to harm anyone?? Low possibility, I know, but the fact that there still remains a chance for that being actually true really bothers me because if that's real, then wouldn't Aqua have just killed an innocent guy? Yeah he CAN'T be innocent at this point but this is a story, right? I'm curious about what actually happened to Ai if anything!! She's so important and we don't know??

The portrayal is so strange. Even if the character is supposed to be an actor and I’m being fooled, why are the songs and the portrayal like this?

I can’t help but notice these things—it’s frustrating and gives me a headache. Can’t they just confront the truth head-on?

I get really anxious and scared I get it wrong but they shouldn't have written him this way!! If there's a single thing that's even consistent about Kamiki, it's his feelings towards Ai, that can't be a lie, that seems like the ONLY true thing about him that's been confirmed because that's his own thoughts that cannot be tampered, but if that's true, I don't see him being the one that'd have ever attempted to lay even a finger on Ai!! That aligns with what he's said himself but all the other characters are so sure he's done it and I find that so hard to comprehend!!

What was the author's intent on creating this guy?? Ai loves him right? And he loves her back too? So what the heck are they trying to do with making the characters who apparently seems to have truly cared for each other be accused of one having caused another's murder? And when this is about an idol that's been killed by a stalker, it gets even messier, what are they trying to express with this?? The only way this makes sense for me is that theory I have about the gods and it works perfectly that way, both thematically and in terms of psychology, I really don't see it making any sense otherwise! Is this going to be left forever unexplained??? Well like, I always prepare myself to take all my hikaai drawings down if that guy is trash enough to have tried to kill the one girl who's shared him love and raised his kids but, his behavior is so far from being such a man. It doesn't make sense. So I was pretty sure about my interpretations and kept going but WHAT IS THIS MANGA? Yeah. Is there ANY way to explain this story in a way that it all comes together besides that idea about them having been the gods of the entertainment industry!! I don't think so!

If they wanted him be the culprit for what's happened to Ai, and have Aqua's anger directed to him, then the authors did a BAD job. Not just bad, I'm not convinced. But I didn't feel this way until the guy actually made an appearance, they wrote him like this at the end of the story??? Which means the authors believe this is the way he should be?? So what was Aqua's revenge even for huh??? Was what he did really rightful?? I get the guy became a threat anyway but? It was about avenging Ai all along, but that's thrown out the window near the end isn't it?? Then what's been sustaining Aqua's logic throughout the plot is actually quite flawed??

He didn't do it, I don't think Kamiki deserved to be avenged for Ai's case at least. If he did, then he's not written well.

Or is there something I don't know?? In that case, they should explain everything they should have explained within their own piece because it isn't present in it??

I'm half relieved and half really confused why this isn't clear even after the finale tbh, is this going to be handled in the extra pages in the final volume or what;; but this manga's made me so nervous about this for months. I will not have to do with it regardless what they add about it anymore...be so worried about this. They should have confirmed this before they went. They didn't do it.

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

Errors, “Errors,” and Animorphs

So in a different post I ranted about how a tiny non-distracting unfixable difference between two shirts is not an error in Jurassic Park.  IMHO, a continuity gap is only an error if:

It draws attention to itself and distracts the audience

It could’ve been fixed pretty easily in-story

It makes character, plot, or setting nonsensical

Animorphs has continuity gaps of its own.  And I have opinions about what we readers do and do not count as “error.”  First, an example that’s clearly an error:

I wondered if Tobias had heard my thought. I concentrated. Tobias, can     you hear me?

«Yeah,» he said, «I hear you.»

“Did you hear my thoughts before that?” I asked.

«No, I don’t think it works that way.  You have to think at me for me to     hear.»

—#1: The Invasion

Tobias briefly hearing Jake thought-speak in #1 breaks the rules of the setting; several other books (#2, #23, #31, #33, #46) clearly state that it’s impossible to thought-speak if one is human and not in morph.  It’s an easy fix; the re-releases and audiobooks delete this moment, and the graphic novel makes Tobias unable to hear Jake.  It distracts the audience; I’ve gotten 5 or 6 separate asks over the years of people going “I was rereading #1, and the weirdest thing...” It’s an error.  I can’t say what happened behind the scenes — K.A. Applegate toyed with a thread that was later dropped, or decided to introduce a limitation for plot fuel at a later time.  But it’s an error.

Second, an example that I don’t think counts as an error:

I returned to my life, feeling strange and out of place. That night Jake came over. We went outside.

"I tried morphing the Tyrannosaurus," he said. "Nothing. Didn't work."

"You could ask Ax. He may know why."

Jake laughed. "Yeah, but even if he explains it, I still won't understand it."

—MM2: In the Time of the Dinosaurs [Cassie’s narration]

The kids not being able to morph dinosaurs outside of the Cretaceous Era makes a lot of sense in context.  The whole book series would fundamentally change if they could use T. rex — that would become heavily a favored morph for many of them.  It kicks off all kinds of plot questions that demand answers: Where do the controllers think the “andalite bandits” got dino DNA? What anti-dinosaur measures would they be forced to adopt? Would the Animorphs’ whole strategy change around having those morphs? How would Rachel feel about everyone but Tobias suddenly having a much stronger morph than her? Would they even bother with contemporary animal morphs afterward?

If the kids are morphing dinosaurs all the time after ~#18, then the series loses a lot of its uniqueness.  Applegate has said that most of the inspiration for the series was about trying to help kids understand what it would really be like to be inside an animal mind, with as many animals as possible.  That’s part of why so many of the plots hinge on giving the Animorphs an excuse to learn a new morph (e.g. #4, #17, #27, #47, #52) so that we can experience the coolness right along with them.  That’s why the war is explicitly about fighting for Earth, nonhumans and all (#7, #23, #53).  If it’s not a menagerie of six different critters — including one immigrant from space — rolling up to battle, then it’s not Animorphs. No, it makes no dang sense that sario rip morphs stop working once the rip gets unripped.  But the series acknowledges it, and it allows us both to have a unique animal-based story (dinosaurs! Heckin dinosaurs!) without ruining its own premise.

Third, one that I find fascinating because it’s kind of right on the margin:

"What I don't get is why I have to be a girl wolf," Marco grumbled.

"We had one male and one female," Cassie explained for the tenth time. "If two of us morphed into the male, we'd have two males. Two male wolves might decide they had to fight for dominance."

"I could control it," Marco said.

"Marco, you and Jake already fight for dominance, and you're just ordinary guys," Rachel pointed out.

—#3: The Encounter

Later, Tobias’s narration uses the word “alpha” to describe Jake’s morphed behavior — howling and peeing to mark territory, challenging another wolf pack to protect his own.

There is scientific consensus right now, as of the 2020s, that the term “alpha” is an inaccurate descriptor of pack-lead behavior, and that dominance fights between adult males are almost nonexistent.  That although wolves usually run in a phalanx-like shape with one middle-aged male and female at the point, this isn’t the result of dominance fights but rather an effort to have the physically strongest wolves absorb blows from rogue prey animals or rival predators.  That the dominance fights observed in captive wolves in the 1970s were the result of an ecology error, putting wolves from rival packs into single enclosures.  Fox (1972, 1973) gave a reasonably accurate description of how wolves behave if you put a bunch of adult strangers in a zoo together: the young adult males fight, the winner of that fight wins first access to food, and the mate of the winner gets the most resources for her puppies.

However, time rolls forward, and advances like hidden cameras (and the resurgence of wild wolf populations) allow us to watch wolves without needing to capture them first.  Mech (1999) follows some such wolves around, and quickly realizes that dominance and submission aren’t nearly as important among wolves who chose to make a pack.  Stahler et al. (2002) figure out a better way to introduce stranger wolves in captivity, and get full cooperation among young adult males.  Nowadays drones and radio collars get 1000s of times the wolf data Fox had to work with, and reveal intense cooperation with little more than play-fighting among puppies.

The Encounter comes out 1997.  Mech publishes the first big takedown of the alpha concept 1999.

Did an error occur anywhere in this process?

No, in that Applegate presumably doesn’t own a Time Matrix and published a book based on the scientific consensus at the time about how wolf social dynamics worked.

Yes, in that the error is pretty distracting — I get drawn up short by it every time I reread #3, and I know others have too.

No, in that the error was corrected in the graphic novel adaptation.

Yes, in that the error is still present in the audiobook, and Michael Crouch delivers the moment about Jake being backed into a dominance fight with all of Tobias’s exasperated humor.

No, in that the error allows for some character moments, both silly (Jake peeing on trees) and sweet (Jake being ready to take on an entire rival pack alone, over a rabbit he doesn’t want).

Yes, in that the error takes away from one of the series’ most fundamental purposes, to educate kids about animals.

Anyway, books are great, science is imperfect, and I think the more we all engage with amateur criticism the more we’re all going to learn about what counts as an error in fiction writing with inspiration in scientific reality.

[smoldering-violets]

So I've had some Thoughts lately as I've been rereading Oathbringer about a post I saw at some point just after finishing reading the Stormlight Archive for the first time and starting to get into the fandom. The basic premise of the post was that both Elhokar and Jasnah would have both led better lives if they were trans and effectively switched roles.

I disagree with that in regards to Jasnah. Her problems are mostly from the strict gender roles put on her by Alethi culture and vorinism, not from just being a woman. Also, as an elsecaller her oaths are supposed to revolve around meeting her potential and becoming better, and she's shown to be at at least the fourth ideal in RoW. If she were trans I'd expect that to have come up at some point. Maybe I'm missing something because I'm transfem not transmasc but I don't see that for Jasnah.

Elhokar on the other hand, I get the argument. There's not a lot of textual evidence, but more than for Jasnah. Like Jasnah, the strict gender roles of their culture seems to cause Elhokar distress, but he's way worse at making his own place despite them than Jasnah is. Elhokar was made king after his father's death due to being the only male heir, but as is shown throughout the series he's not good at being a king. Like at all. Jasnah does a much better job ruling Alethkar and that's during the apocalypse! Anyway, being a bad king doesn't mean he's trans, but it does help illustrate that the place he's put in life doesn't fit him.

The strongest evidence for Elhokar being trans is that he's attracted the attention of cryptics and if he wasn't killed he would have become a lightweaver. Lightweavers tend to be people who have deeply hidden truths about themselves that they refuse to admit even to themselves (assuming Shallan isn't a complete outlier). As someone who is trans, it's pretty easy to imagine that being a powerful truth someone would be reluctant to admit to.

Additionally, in Oathbringer when the team is infiltrating Kohlinar, Shallan suggests disguising Elhokar as a woman. Kaladin and Shallan both expect him to resist that idea, but he goes along with it eagerly and never seems uncomfortable with the experience or role while wearing that disguise. It seems like a similar thing to a lot of trans women dressing up as women for Halloween before realizing who they are/coming out because it gives them plausible deniability. I know I for one would have been delighted to have the opportunity to have an illusion that changes both my appearance and voice to be more feminine (I'm slowly working on that without the illusion, but anyways).

The last thing that's less directly evidence of being trans, but still contributes to the argument imo is that Elhokar seems to be kinda depressed most of the time. It'd be pretty easy to read the cut saddle strap situation in TWoK as a potential suicide attempt that could be explained away as trying to find assassins. In WoR after Dalinar sets off into the shattered plains Elhokar immediately starts drinking and goes to Kaladin to talk about how bad he is a being a king. On the night of the assassination attempt he's extremely drunk and moping in his rooms. In early Oathbringer he tries to abdicate the throne to Dalinar and constantly talks about how he always fails and makes a mess of things.

Anyway that's about it for my random thoughts and rambles about this that have been rattling around in my head for a while. I doubt this'll really persuade anyone, but I just wanted to put my thoughts out there

[epickiya722]

Reading Horikoshi's last works, Oumagadoki Zoo and Barrage, and checking out the end of that it reminds me of what is going on with My Hero Academia.

I'm about to recall on of my literature lessons here and make text-to-text connections here.

Both of those stories' endings had a big battle going on between the opposing sides. Once those battles are won by the good guys, everything goes "back to normal". People living their lives, smiling again, that deal.

However, not everything is completely okay. There still some changes to be made. Slowly, but surely.

Both stories end openingly. The future isn't for certain, but it looks slightly brighter than before.

That's what I think is going to be the case for MHA. We already see that society is rebuilding itself back here.

In the case of the villains, those previous stories while the bad guys are defeated and receive punishment, there is still that open air of opportunity for them to change. They also don't die in their stories.

Now, before someone gets a hissy fit and be like "Midoriya killed Shigaraki" (even more it was more on AFO than Midoriya... I feel like some of you think it's too easy to blame the villain but I digress), what if I told you... maybe there is a way for Shigaraki to come back or at least, his fate is hinted to be open and he did not have a certain death?

Hear me out! Spoilers ahead for both Barrage and OZ!

In OZ, the bad guys don't actually die after getting defeated. They do kind of just go about their lives. One of them even joins the Zoo in an aftermath story!

In Barrage, the "prince" is killed. However, Astro, the protagonist, makes a remark that he could have survived and he's still around.

That could be the case for Shigaraki. I know we got that mystery kid a while back, but here's my thought.

Horikoshi may go back to him later. Or! He may not! I'm leaning more on the "may not" because I feel like Horikoshi may leave it up to the audience to decide what happens.

A "Shigaraki may have died... or maybe he's reincarnated... maybe he's not..."

Simply what I'm saying is, while there are things that are certain, that doesn't mean they can't change. While it may seem everything is over and done with, it doesn't mean there isn't room for growth. The future can be a bright one when you're open for change and it will take time.

It what happens in both of Horikoshi's previous works. The protagonist is united with their allies and smile in the end, even when not everything is okay.

Especially, in the case of OZ. Horikoshi did an extra story where everyone is happy, but the Zoo still doesn't get costumers like that.

That's how it's going to be for MHA, I feel.

Things with be slow, but slowly getting better. The ending will lean more into being open for the audience to imagine what will happen.

Here's the thing with me and some of the fandom.

I don't think any of you are stupid or lack reading comprehension skills.

I feel like some of you are impatient. I get it, sometimes, you don't want to wait and you must know what happens next. But at the same time, that impatience shouldn't lead you into turning into the worse version of yourself.

Because of that impatience, you won't stop and think "what could this mean". You don't think to go back and reread to catch details that may have foreshadow something. Instead, you jump to conclusions and call the writing "bad".

It's not bad if you're too impatient to understand it.

Society in MHA isn't going to change overnight. There's time to change.

Sorry to tell you, some people will still worship the heroes. Some people will still hate the villains. That's the reality of it. Some laws will still be in place. Sorry, but just because Hawks put on that hot ass suit (and I don't mean it's an attractive one, he has a habit of wearing clothes that look like they're hot), doesn't mean he can make everything A-OK by snapping his fingers.

There are still people he got to work with.

This is the case with everyone. Just because Izuku is our hero of the story, don't mean he can clap his hands and "Oh my gosh, the villains aren't that bad. Oh my gosh, we should change".

He is still a high school student. Who just reached his second year. Just his second year.

These changes? WILL TAKE TIME!!!

And I know, some of you are thinking that ship might happen but given how Horikoshi has written them and his previous works... I doubt it.

I could be wrong, but I have doubts.

Horikoshi doesn't really rely much on romance on Barrage and OZ. In fact, in both of those stories it's more of a platonic close connection between the main male and female roles and the female character does her own story.

Now look, I adore Izuku, but when it comes to Ochako... he is a side character in her story and that's it. He is a supporting character. But that's just me.

[monsxiii]

Guilty as Sin?, Renegade, and Kishiyu

I'm combining two of my interests which are pop music and fictional characters. This is an analysis and purely for fun. I'm bending the lyrics/song meaning a lil bit because I just can't stop thinking of kishiyu while listening to Guilty as Sin? and Renegade.

WARNING

I've read the recent chapters in ridi so there will be spoilers in this post. It's been a long time since I reread Turning so there might be some mistakes with my analysis. Lastly, english is not first language so I'm sorry for the grammar.

Guilty as Sin?

Guilty as Sin? is a song about fame and love with very noticeable sensual and religious imagery. People might think that this song is a sexual song or a song about cheating, but I think there is another meaning that flew over people's head which is the negative response from the people/public regarding a relationship. If you take the fame out of the song, the writer wouldn't feel guilty as sin. It's the criticism of the relationship by the people that makes the writer feel like they're doing something wrong.

Before the bridge, the writer tells us how miserable they feel and how they're yearning for this person and then the bridge comes.

What if I roll the stone away?

They're gonna crucify me anyway

What if the way you hold me

Is actually what's holy?

If long suffering propriety

Is what they want from me

I interpret the bridge from the POV of first timeline. In this bridge, we could see that the writer finally chose to be with their lover despite all of the negative response they would get. In the first timeline, Kishiar and Yuder had a very complicated relationship. When Yuder got the commander position, everyone thought that he got it because he slept with Kishiar. Yuder wanted to deny it, but he couldn't because he did sleep with Kishiar. However, no matter how bad the rumours were, they had never stopped even after Kishiar was no longer the commander. Kishiar continued to visit Yuder at night and Yuder never asked for him to stop.

They don't know how you've haunted me

So stunningly

I choose you and me

... Religiously

This part of the bridge reminds me a lot of the day Kishiar died. Kishiar continued to haunt Yuder even after his death, literally and figuratively. We know from recent chapter that a part of Kishiar became a part of Yuder after that heat incident. Kishiar (the white gloves) could see what Yuder had been through in the first timeline. In the second timeline, we see how hard it is for Yuder to talk about that day. Kishiar is the first man he killed. I keep being reminded of that part when Yuder kept repeating the day he killed Kishiar. It only stopped when the second timeline Kishiar showed up in his dream. Even with all of the fear of repeating the same mistakes, Yuder still couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't fall for Kishiar (chapter 200).

It's the same with Kishiar. We can see in the second timeline that Yuder is like a god to him. Kishiar is said to be like the Sun God and yet, he always doubted the religion. He worshipped Yuder who came to his life like a salvation. Yuder didn't only save Kishiar, but he changed him to become a better person.

A little bit of a context. Taylor Swift wrote a song called Labyrinth (hedge maze). The song is basically about falling in love again with someone after going through a seperation. The lyrics are as follows.

It only hurts this much right now Was what I was thinking the whole time Breathe in, breathe through Breathe deep, breathe out I'll be getting over you my whole life You know how scared I am of elevators Never trust it if it rises fast It can't last Uh oh, I'm falling in love Oh no, I'm falling in love again Oh, I'm falling in love I thought the plane was going down How'd you turn it right around

Now, let's see the chorus.

What if he's written 'mine' on my upper thigh

Only in my mind?

One slip and falling back into the hedge maze

Oh what a way to die

The chorus is basically about how easy it is to fall in love with this person again. It doesn't need to take some grand gestures or this dramatic moment, the writer just needs to make one mistake to fall back into loving this person again and it's over.

I see the chorus from the POV of the second timeline. No matter how hard Yuder tried to get away from Kishiar, he couldn't refuse him. Yuder knew that them being together could lead to a bad ending like the first timeline. He tried to do everything differently so it wouldn't end up that way. He knew he was risking the plans that he had made, but then, he finally gave himself up to Kishiar (chapter 200).

I keep recalling things we never did

Messy top lip kiss

How I long for our trysts

Without ever touching his skin

How can I be guilty as sin?

Yuder kept dreaming of the memories of the first timeline. Those were the memories of him and Kishiar, memories that never happened in the second timeline. Yuder was uncomfortable of the rumours that stemmed from their relationship. Even Kishiar was surprised with this (chapter 306). If there was someone who was not afraid to refute Kishiar, it would be Yuder, but Yuder had seen how people react to their relationship in the first timeline. He didn't want that to happen again.

It's very interesting how their relationship is slowly developing in the second timeline. They were not suddenly thrusted into this relationship where they suddenly could feel each other's emotion like two different fabric forcibly sewn together. In this second timeline, the heat incident didn't happen and so were the rumours surrounding their relationship.

Renegade

This is a song about being in a relationship with a partner who has mental issues. The writer was asking to their partner if they wouldn't open up to them because of their mental illness or because they just didn't want to.

We start with the first verse.

I tapped on your window on your darkest night

The shape of you was jagged and weak

There was nowhere for me to stay

But I stayed anyway

And if I would've known

How many pieces you had crumbled into

I might've let them lay

Kishiar in Yuder's memories were not the charming and lively man from the second timeline. The Kishiar he knew was a pale and languid man whom he could never read. Kishiar never told Yuder his plans and yet, Yuder still stayed. As dysfunctional as their relationship was in the first timeline, Yuder only closed the window to his room when Kishiar cut off their relationship. Their relationship was not always like this. It might've took a longer time for them to be together in the first timeline, but it started as a harmonious relationship before the heat incident.

Next, the chorus.

Are you really gonna talk about timing in times like these?

And let all your damage damage me

And carry your baggage up my street

And make me your future history

It's time, you've come a long way

Open the blinds, let me see your face

You wouldn't be the first renegade

To need somebody

We can see that even in the second timeline, Kishiar has self-esteem issues. Yuder hated it when Kishiar undermined himself. He has been sick for almost all of his life despite having so many blessings, so he has a very pessimistic idea of life. In the first timeline, we could see how being injured by the red stone again made Kishiar became avoidant to Yuder.

In the first timeline, Yuder tried to find answers from Kishiar, but every time, Kishiar avoided the questions. Kishiar probably didn't want to give hope to Yuder for something long term, but he also didn't want to let him go. This made Yuder's feelings for him dulled overtime. Not to mention, he always thought Kishiar wore the white gloves when he touched him because Yuder was a commoner. They were in a stalemate, basically killing time at a cemetary, never quite burying this relationship until before Yuder needed to kill him.

I really like the "make me your future history" line. In the first timeline, their relationship was not exactly working. Yuder couldn't make Kishiar open up to him, only Kishiar could do that. If Kishiar wasn't reaching out and Yuder never responded the way he did in the second timeline, they would end up like the first timeline. They were not trying to repeat the same mistake, so they both tried to be open with each other.

In the second timeline, the first person to let their walls down was Kishiar. He was very open to everything Yuder wanted to know. It was Kishiar who needed to break down Yuder's walls for Yuder to open up to him too. They both were people who went against the grain. Kishiar was a brilliant leader who has a cursed blood and Yuder as one of strongest awakeners who went back in time after his execution. They both needed each other.

The playlists I made for kishiyu.

NSFW version.

[mayuichi]

“Rest assured, it is not mine.„

William James Moriarty x fem!reader Warnings: dark contents (murders, beating, blood, etc...), spoilers of MOSTLY the second season! be aware!

note: i'm so obsessed again over MTP, you can't know how much. i'm rewatching it rn, and i'll reread it too. ALSO i'm so sorry for my absence, i'm procrastinating and finding it hard to stay motivated, especially with my nausea, but it's slowly getting better so i hope i'll be capable to write more!

Pictures from the anime Yuukoku no Moriarty / Moriarty the Patriot.

Being the child of an earl isn't too hard. But as a woman, you are expected to be nearly perfect. Graceful, elegant, flawless, and charitable. Most respect you, or more likely.. fear your father. Speaking of which, you still live with your parents. You haven't found a suitable man yet. It was infuriating for your father, he wanted you to find a husband. But you couldn't care less for now. Strolling around in town is much more entertain than finding someone.

After one more heated argument with him, resulting in a red mark across your cheek like it happened so many time before, you call it a day and leave to your room for the night. Clutching on the plush you have managed to keep, you sit on your bed, staring at the moon through the window. Your mother didn't even tried to protect you, never. If only things could change.

Undressing yourself to slide on a warm robe, you close the curtains and fall on the soft mattress, engulfing in it, pulling the covers over your frame. Tomorrow is another day, it will all be okay.

At least, that's what you thought...

Awakening by a voice. You focus on it, only to realise it's a stranger. You've never heard them before... did you? Chills parkour through your veins, jolting you forward. You don't know who they are, nor what they want. But you don't want to stay near them.

Stepping cautiously out of your room, you hurry as best as you can to the front door. On your track, your gaze averts on a gruesome scene. Your father, resting in his blood, his life slowly fading from his body. With your mother, next to him, heavily injured. The footsteps behind you make you believe they're after you, now.

Sighing in relief when you finally see the front door. Your hands reach for the handle, your body freezes at the voice. “Leaving so soon? I've been told this family was full of cowards, but still...„ his voice malicious. You couldn't even move, feeling the tip of the blade against the back of your neck.

Just swallowing was hard. One bad move, and you'd die. Trying to take a deep breath. Your heart is pounding in your chest, your hands sweaty. “I... I am not like them..„. Hesitantly turning around, you could perceive one of his eyebrow raising. “The day... The day I'd be like them, I'd rather die...„

You don't even know half of what your father does, but all you've discovered about has never been good. A smirk displayed on the stranger's face, his golden locks falling ever so slightly above his scarlet eyes. “Hmm.. Interesting...„

Staring at him, also because you don't want to miss any of his action, your eyes get used properly to the dark, allowing you to see more of his features. And it isn't long before you recognise the second son of the Moriarty. A mathematics professor, and a noble, now pointing a blade at you.

However, he withdraws his blade, sheathing it back in his cane. Taking a step forward, he moves his hand across your cheek, his fingers grazing gently. “... Such a poor thing. I suppose it's a recurrent treatment, isn't it?„.

His touch, his words, his expression... It's so sweet, so caring. Is it truly the same man that has murdered your parents? With a sigh, he pulls away, thinking of a way to be sure you'd keep your silence over his true identity. But before he could utter a word, you got carried away and whispered your thoughts.

“I wouldn't mind... joining you. I want to be useful as well...„. Surprise filled his eyes. His piercing gaze staring right through your soul, he leans in, his tall frame towering over you. “Are you sure ? It is a dark and dangerous path. You shouldn't be impulsive.„. He hasn't dismissed you. He feels it in you, after all. That strength and resilience after all those years. This desire to be able to make a change. Even if you aren't a good fighter for now, you could become one.

His associates were unsure, at first. You were so fragile, so sensitive. How could you become useful ? But he kept believing in you, training you, and asking for Jake to train you as well. Within weeks, you were already close to be as good as them. You just lacked experiences.

And perhaps, everything that happened got you closer to their leader, the true Lord of Crime... William. He'd often invite you over tea, or to stroll around town. At this point, it became a habit of you, to go buy some pastries to a hardworking baker and have your tea party. It wasn't always just the two of you. Sometimes, Louis and Albert would join in, or even Bonde. It was such heartwarming times.

It has never been a surprise for you that in a middle of your discussions, William would suddenly fall over the couch and sleep. It always made you giggle quietly. But despite it, none of you took a step further. After all, neither knew if the others actually had feelings or if it was just a mere thought.

Months after you joined, William has went again with Louis only to take care of some aristocrats, with Fred's intel. Those nights are the worst. You're restless, incapable to be in slumber.

Sitting on your bed, in your robe, you hear the front door opening. Footsteps in the corridor, and the brothers' voice, casting each other's goodnights. Stepping out of your room, you gaze over William, blood soaked. “Is... is that blood?„

He turns around to face you, a gentle smile spreading when he sees you. “Rest assured, it is not mine.„. You blink, unsure of how you should feel. It's clear though, it isn't having the right effect. “Is that supposed to reassure me?!„

Your exclamation caught him off guard, and he walks closer, placing a comforting hand over your shoulder. “Isn't it usual now, though? You have seen me bloody a lot before.„. His words hit you like a train. You have seen him blood covered, yes, but your mind has never been calm about it.

“I know! I just-.. Ugh..„, anxiety floods you, your head lowering as you dismiss his hand. “I never said it was fine for me. It makes me worry. What if you get hurt?„. It's a stupid assumption, and you know it. He makes plan for every tiny details. He never leaves room for uncertainty.

Hurrying yourself to ask him to forget it, you go back in your room, closing the door behind you. Plopping on your bed, you can't help but hate yourself. Why are you so worried about him? He's not a child, and beside, he knows how to act upon unexpected twists. You pick the pillow, placing it in your arms, hugging it against you.

“... I hate it so much.„ you growl under your breath. Eyes closed and lost in your mind, you don't pay attention to the footsteps and the door opening. You only get out of your thoughts when you feel something, or rather someone, taking place on the mattress.

You turn around to see William sitting next to your laying form, his hand hovering over your hair, caressing it carefully. He has taken off his coat and changed his clothes to his usual sleep attire. “I find it flattering, you know? Your worries being on me. But I have my shares of worries over you, too.„ he chuckles.

It makes you groan silently, turning again to make him face your back. Seeing you holding your pillow so tight, he allows himself to lay beside you, wrapping his arms around your waist. “Don't be upset, my dear. How about we plan a tea party tomorrow? As a token of apology for all those worries I fill your heart and mind with.„

Just the thought of it cracks a smile from you, and he sees it clearly. You slowly nod, closing your eyes as you lean further in his embrace. You know it wouldn't last forever, but you'd drown yourself in it for as long as it last.

It's an hour later he withdraws his arms from you, giving your hair one last stroke, before standing up. “I will see you tomorrow, my dear. Have a good night.„

As he walks away, you turn around, sitting up quickly, calling out his name. “... William!„. Your voice is so urgent, like your feelings are about to explode. “Yes?„ he turns to face you, his eyes softening at your desperate state.

“I...„ you hesitate. Is it truly a good idea to confess ? It isn't a secret for yourself anymore, you've fallen for him, smitten by his simple presence. But maybe it isn't a good thing to tell him... “... Take care... Goodnight...„

Something tells you by the look of his eyes, he knows you're hiding your feelings from him. But he doesn't push. Not yet. You're too vulnerable for now. He wants you to willingly admit them. He closes his eyes. “I will, thank you. I'll see you tomorrow.„ and with that, he leaves your room, the silence feeling it. Your feelings drowning you in slumber.

/ᐠ - ˕ •マ Ⳋmayuichi's property. do not repost, copy or translate without permission.

[semantics-error]

I hope that this doesn't sound weird now but I wanted to thank you for last year. Your writing is everything. I struggled a lot in the past year. Your writing always made me happy though like damn "for having loved a little while" is a masterpiece. Even though I am certain you hate me, bc you aren't not giving me and the boys happiness.. and I finish "I could never deny you" in one setting. It's my comfort fic. I reread certain chapters every night. Just wanted to say thank you. ❤️

Thank you for spending your precious time reading my stories! I'm sorry you struggled last year, and I'm so glad my stories could help make things a little bit brighter for you :) Your incredibly sweet message doesn't sound weird by the way! I'm generally open to asks but one this kind is definitely okay. It also came at a perfect time, since I've been feeling disheartened about my writing lately. Thank you for this encouragement and the reminder that my words have the power to touch people's hearts <3

I am sorry about For Having Loved a Little While... I definitely did not mean to have a delay right when things finally turn toward angst T.T I had a hectic holiday so I won't post this week, but next week things should be back to normal! As an apology for the delay and a thank you for this kind message, here's a snippet of Chapter 15 of For Having Loved a Little While (subject to change in editing of course):

~~~

Sand was wasted. That much was clear, as he stumbled his way up the steps to his apartment.

He figured it out from the way the world spun as he got on the courier bike home. Or maybe he knew all the way back in the third shitty bar, where he had drunk two more awful shots and a beer. For how seedy the place was, the bill had been astronomical. At least, if he’d read the numbers correctly. Which, now that he tried to remember how math worked, seemed unlikely. 

At least he was almost home. 

Instead of heading inside after he climbed the stairs, Sand leaned against the cool wall of the hallway and texted Nick.

> coe outside

Sand’s phone lit up as Nick called instead of texting back. Sand declined the call with a jab of his finger. 

> where are you 

“Shhh,” Sand chided his phone when it chimed. He took his time, using autocorrect to get all the letters correct. 

> come outside. don’t tell ray

A minute later, he heard a quiet shuffling and then the door opened. 

Sand stepped back, wobbling to keep his balance, but intent on drawing Nick out of the apartment.

“What-”

“Shhh. Don't tell Ray.”

Nick rolled his eyes but gently closed the door behind him and followed Sand around to the stairwell. 

“Why can’t you just come inside?”

Sand thought that was rather obvious. “’M drunk.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” Nick looked him up and down, eyebrows raised incredulously. “What the fuck, Sand? We’ve been so worried.”

Sand leaned his cheek against the cool plaster of the wall. Why was he here? He should have just stayed somewhere else until he sobered up. There was always his mom but-

“Sorry,” he mumbled. 

Nick sighed and opened his phone. 

Sand made a grab for it. “Don't tell him.” 

Nick swung the phone easily out of the way of his clumsy hands. “I’m just letting him know that you're safe and I'm with you. Sand—he's really worried.”

Sand blinked owlishly for a moment, processing Nick’s words. Worried about me? Why? “Don't tell him I’m drunk.”

“You should trust him more.”

“Do trust him.” I'm the problem. “Drank whiskey. Hibiki.”

“Shit,” Nick cursed under his breath. 

Ray’s favorite whiskey. Sand didn't even know why he'd picked it—he hated whiskey. Never drank it willingly, especially not the high-end Japanese stuff. But he couldn't see Ray with the smell of whiskey on his breath. Any alcohol was bad, but whiskey—he could never do that to Ray.

He had known that when he started drinking—he had wanted this conclusion. Wanted to punish himself without the option for Ray to smooth it all away.

But now, maudlin and without the recourse of Ray’s effusive affection, he regretted it deeply. 

“Wanna see Ray.”

Nick rolled his eyes as he propped his shoulder under one of Sand’s arms. “You literally just said you can’t.”

“Oh. S’right. I miss him.”

“Come on,” Nick said with a sigh.

Sand dug his heels in against Nick’s pull and made a questioning noise. Even if he couldn’t go into the apartment like this, he wanted to be here. As close to Ray as he was allowed. 

But Nick kept tugging. “I’m not waiting around in our stairwell for you to sober up. Let’s get coffee or something, that’ll help.”

Sand groaned but Nick made a good argument. And if they were out getting coffee there was less chance he would buckle and just stagger inside, clinging to his poor boyfriend with the smell of poison on his breath.

[jesatria]

Jenna Reads LoD: Gauntlgrym

It's been quite a while since I did one of these posts. A bit of background to this: I actually started reading Legend of Drizzt back in high school, which was, um, 20 years ago. I quickly became very attached to a certain assassin, enjoying him as a character much more than Drizzt. I lost interest in the series after Road of the Patriarch came out, since that was supposed to be Artemis' last appearance. I thought I was done with this series & stopped paying attention to it.

So what got me interested in this series again? Well, part is definitely nostalgia. That, & I learned that Artemis is back.

With all that said, here are my thoughts on Gauntlgrym!

Spoilers Ahead

-Before starting, I did some catching up by reading the wiki summaries of the Hunter's Blades & Transitions books (I just wanted to get to a book w/ Artemis in it, ok?), so I knew going into this that the tone of the series had changed from the lighthearted fantasy adventures of the earlier books. Personally I don't mind this at all. This book could definitely be considered dark fantasy & I do enjoy some dark fantasy.

-Speaking of the darker tone, Drizzt isn't dealing w/ this very well. 2 of the Companions of the Hall are dead & Wulfgar dies during 1 of the time skips. It's been decades since Catti-brie & Regis died & he's still grieving for them. Even though he had to know that he would outlive all of them, it doesn't make it easier for him. There's a strong sense of nostalgic loss throughout this book.

-I like Dahlia. I do enjoy some femme fatale characters from time to time. She's a very messy character, which I appreciate because female characters are often not allowed to be messy & complicated.

-Jarlaxle's still hanging out w/ Athrogate! Tbh I'm not sure how he managed to tolerate him this long. I know the rhymes & puns would've made me snap ages ago. Looks like Jarlaxle's still paling around on the surface, too. I have to assume Kimmuriel's running Bregan d'Aerthe on a permanent basis now.

-I loved the "the heritage, the fate" exchange between Jarlaxle & Drizzt. Super interesting to get some insight into what other drow males think about Drizzt. He's an object of envy & admiration because he was the one who escaped. I've always wondered if there were others who were sympathetic to him in Bregan d'Aerthe. It makes sense, since he's a rogue male who rejected Lolth & got out. & Drizzt is so disconnected from anything relating to Menzo that he has no idea of any of this. I know he goes back to Menzo in some of the later books so I'm hoping this will be explored further.

-Bruenor's death was suitably epic & a fitting end for his character. Going out after defeating a powerful demon, fighting in the ancient dwarven homeland he spent decades trying to find is a pretty awesome way to go.

-Last but certainly not least, Artemis (I know Barrabus=Artemis so I'm just gonna call him Artemis here). Let me elaborate on my love for him by stating he's 1 of my favorite characters of all time. I actually got giddy when I got to his 1st appearance. 18 years since I last read new Artemis content. Once that initial giddiness wore off, ouch. Seeing him enslaved, to a petty rapist asshole no less, really fucking hurts. Like, this really cuts to his deepest darkest fears: the loss of control & independence.

-He knows Drizzt is alive. He's in a position now where he can handle that news & not feel the urge to rush off & challenge him. He isn't even mad about it!

-Interesting that we get to see Artemis doing some unarmed (or lightly armed w/ his belt knife) combat here. I don't think we've really seen that before.

-I really want to know what exactly he's been doing since the end of RotP. Before reading this, I reread that to give myself a little refresher. He goes back to Calimport after the Jartemis breakup scene & we're told here that he was living in Memnon. So it seems he's spent most of his time in Calimshan. He's gone back to working as an assassin in some capacity, considering he has a poison supplier & powerful street families give him expensive gifts. Idk why this is so interesting to me, I've just always found his life in Calimport fascinating.

That's all for this one. I've actually finished the next 2 books & I've got quite a lot of thoughts to share on those!

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC REVIEW: A Monsoon Rising by Thea Guanzon

4.25/5. Releases 12/10/24.

vibes: arranged marriage--what now?, awkward super powerful virgins falling in love, falling in love with the one you're meant to betray

Heat Level: 7.5/5

The Basics:

Now that she's married to Alaric, the Night Emperor, Talasyn wants to keep it purely political--especially since she's secretly a part of a plot to overthrow him. Unfortunately, their attraction to each other has already caused problems. Now more than ever, they need to remain strict and remote, with the Moonless Dark, a catastrophic, potentially apocalyptic event approaching. But the encroaching doom could make their feelings even more apparent, even as outside forces pit them against each other.

The Review:

This was the best thing the second book in a trilogy can be: better than the first (and the first was already good). Though I enjoyed The Hurricane Wars, it did at points feel very much like a set up, both in terms of the fantasy plot and Alaric and Talasyn's relationship. In a lot of ways, you get payoff on both aspects in this installment... while at the same time leaving some tantalizing threads hanging.

Well, like. A lot of tantalizing threads. Remember--this is a trilogy. We're going to have to wait for that ending!

Really, the last book ended just as Alaric and Talasyn's relationship was beginning. Here, we find them in the midst of this alliance marriage that isn't supposed to be even vaguely real. Yet they've already--well--gotten each other off. And that should be it! No repeat performances! No feelings!

Sure, Jan.

What I loved about this is that both Alaric and Talasyn are incredibly powerful beings, skilled fighters, and even growing politicians. But when it comes to their emotions--and their sexual experience on both sides--they're really just a couple of babes in the woods. It gives a delicious vulnerability and awkwardness to their interactions. I mean, of course Alaric has mommy issues (and so does Talasyn, for that matter). Of course Talasyn has the ability to beat his ass in a fight while at the same time lacking the social experience to know how to flirt. They're basically a couple of gawky, traumatized losers together. Especially Alaric. And I love that!

Y'all, he's so obsessed with this girl. And sometimes it comes out in a "I want to write her name over and over in my notebook" kind of way, and sometimes it comes out in a "MINE MINE MINE OM NOM NOM" kind of way. Both ways are good.

I'll admit, sometimes the political stuff can still be A Lot for me, but I found it a lot easier to follow this time around. Additionally, the focus on the Moonless Dark itself really allowed me to sort of... zero in on this cataclysmic moment. It's a great way to amp up the pacing and push us towards as climax.

Speaking of climaxes...

The Sex:

WELL DAMN. There was very little sex in the last book, and I suspected that would change this time around. I don't think I suspected it would change this much. We have the build up with "I'm so aroused against my own will" shenanigans. We have actual consummation, and like... a lot of stuff after that.

Alaric is pretty dirty, y'all! I was proud of him! I had to reread one of those lines to be like "Well fuck, he sure did perk up." There's some good shit here. And it really does serve the relationship. You have a really fantastic progression of physical intimacy aligning with the increasing emotional intimacy.

Another thing I so appreciated--the sex isn't like, constant smooth sailing. There's some awkward stuff in the beginning, befitting a couple of virgins figuring it out. Hell yeah.

Anyway--I really enjoyed this, and I'm super excited to see what happens next. It ends on quite the Moment.

Thanks to NetGalley and Harper Voyager for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.