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[monsxiii]

Guilty as Sin?, Renegade, and Kishiyu

I'm combining two of my interests which are pop music and fictional characters. This is an analysis and purely for fun. I'm bending the lyrics/song meaning a lil bit because I just can't stop thinking of kishiyu while listening to Guilty as Sin? and Renegade.

WARNING

I've read the recent chapters in ridi so there will be spoilers in this post. It's been a long time since I reread Turning so there might be some mistakes with my analysis. Lastly, english is not first language so I'm sorry for the grammar.

Guilty as Sin?

Guilty as Sin? is a song about fame and love with very noticeable sensual and religious imagery. People might think that this song is a sexual song or a song about cheating, but I think there is another meaning that flew over people's head which is the negative response from the people/public regarding a relationship. If you take the fame out of the song, the writer wouldn't feel guilty as sin. It's the criticism of the relationship by the people that makes the writer feel like they're doing something wrong.

Before the bridge, the writer tells us how miserable they feel and how they're yearning for this person and then the bridge comes.

What if I roll the stone away?

They're gonna crucify me anyway

What if the way you hold me

Is actually what's holy?

If long suffering propriety

Is what they want from me

I interpret the bridge from the POV of first timeline. In this bridge, we could see that the writer finally chose to be with their lover despite all of the negative response they would get. In the first timeline, Kishiar and Yuder had a very complicated relationship. When Yuder got the commander position, everyone thought that he got it because he slept with Kishiar. Yuder wanted to deny it, but he couldn't because he did sleep with Kishiar. However, no matter how bad the rumours were, they had never stopped even after Kishiar was no longer the commander. Kishiar continued to visit Yuder at night and Yuder never asked for him to stop.

They don't know how you've haunted me

So stunningly

I choose you and me

... Religiously

This part of the bridge reminds me a lot of the day Kishiar died. Kishiar continued to haunt Yuder even after his death, literally and figuratively. We know from recent chapter that a part of Kishiar became a part of Yuder after that heat incident. Kishiar (the white gloves) could see what Yuder had been through in the first timeline. In the second timeline, we see how hard it is for Yuder to talk about that day. Kishiar is the first man he killed. I keep being reminded of that part when Yuder kept repeating the day he killed Kishiar. It only stopped when the second timeline Kishiar showed up in his dream. Even with all of the fear of repeating the same mistakes, Yuder still couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't fall for Kishiar (chapter 200).

It's the same with Kishiar. We can see in the second timeline that Yuder is like a god to him. Kishiar is said to be like the Sun God and yet, he always doubted the religion. He worshipped Yuder who came to his life like a salvation. Yuder didn't only save Kishiar, but he changed him to become a better person.

A little bit of a context. Taylor Swift wrote a song called Labyrinth (hedge maze). The song is basically about falling in love again with someone after going through a seperation. The lyrics are as follows.

It only hurts this much right now Was what I was thinking the whole time Breathe in, breathe through Breathe deep, breathe out I'll be getting over you my whole life You know how scared I am of elevators Never trust it if it rises fast It can't last Uh oh, I'm falling in love Oh no, I'm falling in love again Oh, I'm falling in love I thought the plane was going down How'd you turn it right around

Now, let's see the chorus.

What if he's written 'mine' on my upper thigh

Only in my mind?

One slip and falling back into the hedge maze

Oh what a way to die

The chorus is basically about how easy it is to fall in love with this person again. It doesn't need to take some grand gestures or this dramatic moment, the writer just needs to make one mistake to fall back into loving this person again and it's over.

I see the chorus from the POV of the second timeline. No matter how hard Yuder tried to get away from Kishiar, he couldn't refuse him. Yuder knew that them being together could lead to a bad ending like the first timeline. He tried to do everything differently so it wouldn't end up that way. He knew he was risking the plans that he had made, but then, he finally gave himself up to Kishiar (chapter 200).

I keep recalling things we never did

Messy top lip kiss

How I long for our trysts

Without ever touching his skin

How can I be guilty as sin?

Yuder kept dreaming of the memories of the first timeline. Those were the memories of him and Kishiar, memories that never happened in the second timeline. Yuder was uncomfortable of the rumours that stemmed from their relationship. Even Kishiar was surprised with this (chapter 306). If there was someone who was not afraid to refute Kishiar, it would be Yuder, but Yuder had seen how people react to their relationship in the first timeline. He didn't want that to happen again.

It's very interesting how their relationship is slowly developing in the second timeline. They were not suddenly thrusted into this relationship where they suddenly could feel each other's emotion like two different fabric forcibly sewn together. In this second timeline, the heat incident didn't happen and so were the rumours surrounding their relationship.

Renegade

This is a song about being in a relationship with a partner who has mental issues. The writer was asking to their partner if they wouldn't open up to them because of their mental illness or because they just didn't want to.

We start with the first verse.

I tapped on your window on your darkest night

The shape of you was jagged and weak

There was nowhere for me to stay

But I stayed anyway

And if I would've known

How many pieces you had crumbled into

I might've let them lay

Kishiar in Yuder's memories were not the charming and lively man from the second timeline. The Kishiar he knew was a pale and languid man whom he could never read. Kishiar never told Yuder his plans and yet, Yuder still stayed. As dysfunctional as their relationship was in the first timeline, Yuder only closed the window to his room when Kishiar cut off their relationship. Their relationship was not always like this. It might've took a longer time for them to be together in the first timeline, but it started as a harmonious relationship before the heat incident.

Next, the chorus.

Are you really gonna talk about timing in times like these?

And let all your damage damage me

And carry your baggage up my street

And make me your future history

It's time, you've come a long way

Open the blinds, let me see your face

You wouldn't be the first renegade

To need somebody

We can see that even in the second timeline, Kishiar has self-esteem issues. Yuder hated it when Kishiar undermined himself. He has been sick for almost all of his life despite having so many blessings, so he has a very pessimistic idea of life. In the first timeline, we could see how being injured by the red stone again made Kishiar became avoidant to Yuder.

In the first timeline, Yuder tried to find answers from Kishiar, but every time, Kishiar avoided the questions. Kishiar probably didn't want to give hope to Yuder for something long term, but he also didn't want to let him go. This made Yuder's feelings for him dulled overtime. Not to mention, he always thought Kishiar wore the white gloves when he touched him because Yuder was a commoner. They were in a stalemate, basically killing time at a cemetary, never quite burying this relationship until before Yuder needed to kill him.

I really like the "make me your future history" line. In the first timeline, their relationship was not exactly working. Yuder couldn't make Kishiar open up to him, only Kishiar could do that. If Kishiar wasn't reaching out and Yuder never responded the way he did in the second timeline, they would end up like the first timeline. They were not trying to repeat the same mistake, so they both tried to be open with each other.

In the second timeline, the first person to let their walls down was Kishiar. He was very open to everything Yuder wanted to know. It was Kishiar who needed to break down Yuder's walls for Yuder to open up to him too. They both were people who went against the grain. Kishiar was a brilliant leader who has a cursed blood and Yuder as one of strongest awakeners who went back in time after his execution. They both needed each other.

The playlists I made for kishiyu.

NSFW version.

[monsxiii]

it probably wasn't the smartest decision to start an ongoing 1000+ chapter webnovel when i know it'll consume my every waking thought but here we are

open for better quality | no reposts

[monsxiii]

Turning FanWeek 2024

The FanWeek will take place from May 20 to May 26 2024. The ao3 collection can be found here.

Thank you to everyone who helped me with the prompts!

Written version of the prompt list below:

Day 1 "Once you drink from the Nile, you will come back again." (Herodotus) Jealousy | Kidfic | Emperor x Concubine | Stockings

Day 2 "Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us." (Richard Siken, Scheherazade) Flowers | Sickfic | Soulmate | Temperature Play

Day 3 "Lie down on the bed, you're all I ever wanted and worth dying for too." (Richard Siken, Wishbone) Childhood | Arranged/Contract Marriage | Modern | Praise Kink

Day 4 "Did he find that one last tender place to sink his teeth in?" (Richard Siken, Wishbone) Gloves | Pregnancy | Regressor Kishiar | Maid Costume

Day 5 "It was not Death, for I stood up." (Emily Dickinson) Marriage | Making out as a distraction | Priest Yuder | Body Worship

Day 6 (May 25) Yuder's Birthday | Free Day

Day 7 "Burn those who dare to care for me / And my fuel are memories of you." (Mili, Iron Lotus) Injury | De-aging | Sentinel & Guide | Sex Pollen

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Yuder Aile as fuwakororin.

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Release!

Given | ギヴン

Mangaka: Kizu Natsuki

Chapters: 柊 mix_10, Movie DVD bonus

Link: google drive

We heard you :)

[monsxiii]

another failed ending

[monsxiii]

🤕 : I'll go to the elementary building, yatsugare-kun to the kindergarten building. Okey?

👿 : Okey!

👿 : ...

👿 : *follows 🤕 anyway*

[monsxiii]

[monsxiii]

The talk about the Port Mafia compared to the Italian Mafia got me interested in looking at the structure of the Port Mafia vs Italian Mafia vs Yakuza. So here’s what I found for the Italian Mafia: 

The most interesting thing is that there’s both a right-hand-man and an underboss. Then the yakuza is like this: 

Finally, for the sake of comparison, from what I’ve gathered the Port Mafia structure is like this (probably inaccurate but bear with me): 

Keep reading

[monsxiii]

some dazaku stuffs because i can

[monsxiii]

𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘹 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘰𝘸

based on @silent-rabid-writer / @s_r_writer ’s daaku yokai au

Happy birthday to my daaku partner in crime 🤩🤩 thank you for always being a great friend and a great writer ✨ enjoy the gift!! 💖

[monsxiii]

Happy Valentine’s Day!

The rose couldn’t last long because Dazai nullifies it, but I think Akutagawa wouldn’t mind making countless more.

[monsxiii]

chess pieces hot send help

based on the chess themed bsd official merch

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“Is this your first time watching fireworks like this?”

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2018 has been a mixed year for me. I hit the lowest point for me mentally, and unfortunately I cant say that I’m in any better position even now.  Nevertheless, I got more invested in BSD and I made a lot of new friends thanks to it, which I am grateful for.

Thank you all for supporting me and my works and here’s to a better year. 

Happy New Year 2019!

[monsxiii]

Hashimoto Shohei (aku’s stage play actor) took a selfie with Tawada Hideya (dazai’s stage play actor) and I Had to Do it

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(under the cut for full)

Keep reading

[monsxiii]

(read from left to right) a story of when certain mafia member meets his end.

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loosely based on that popular comic of a dog who just passed on and a reaper, by @/xibang