#and i didnt expect it so i hve no choice

[glossierluke]

Okay but like do you think Luke wears pretty pink panties for Ashton and has special outfits just for him? I can just imagine Luke changing in the dressing room around the other guys and them seeing it and him getting humiliated but he likes it at the same time

Luke was a La Senza babe. He probably has shit tons of lingerie collections inside his luggage and it takes half of the space on his case AND probably have some of them stored in Ashton’s bag when they’re up for a tour. At first, it was a surprise when Luke confided that he likes wearing panties— which the boys easily understood cause hell, clothes and all other undergarments are unisex if you don’t give a shit about heteronormativity. The validation he got when he first wore his first classic crimson red panties made him high on clouds and skyscrapers because he’s got Ashton staring at his ass like it’s his natural instinct.

It wasn’t enough. Luke had grown on the feeling and so does Ashton; thinking it was a part of Luke and accepted that his libido increasing everyday is embedded on it, like a bitter truth and it pissed Luke off. He hated how Ashton got accustomed to the situation. He was sitting beside Ashton when he accidentally came up with a plan and when his mind was floating and just absentmindedly watching Michael and Calum change their gig clothes to casual for their partying; if his bandmates are used to it per se, then changing in front of them shouldn’t be a big deal.

And so he did, stripping out of his blue shirt, leather pants that Ashton really liked and and the pink cheeky panties that he wore for the show. He was expecting a radio silence, but he got an almost inaudible, faint ‘what the fuck’ from Ashton under his breath. And it sparked a fire inside of Luke. Ashton’s mind was HAZY, and full of thoughts about the dirty things he’d do to Luke, have him begging for his cock and fuck his throat, take him right here and there— in front of his other bandmates and the other crews. Ashton’s head was spinning and Luke’s winning.

Ashton was pulled out of his head when Luke asked: “Ash, can you put this inside your bag, please?” as the curly boy hands him his panties. Ashton generously accepted it, but his bag is nowhere to be found so he put it inside his back pocket and acted as though nothing, when in reality he was rock hard ‘cause Luke was such a naughty boy and he knew Luke was doing it on purpose.

If Ashton used Luke’s panties and his wild imagination to jerk off inside the bathroom, that’s for him to keep.

[justme-living-life]

I hate these fucking double standards.

He can text at the table and not get spoken too. I text at the table I get the talk right then and there. Questioning me as to why I cant lay it down for an hr. Are they more important than eating dinner with family. And honestly I wish I would hve said yes all those months ago. She is important and more important than a dinner or breakfast with you that I have every week. And in hindsight that I would only get a numbered amount of times to talk to her.

He runs late when he is out with friends. No problem. I get home late. EVEN IF. I am only right outside in the parking lot. She gives me snide comments and then stops talking to me.

He stays later at work. Fine we wait for dinner. I run late from work. Its a blow up on my phone and WWIII breaks out when I walk in the door.

I have my license. I can drive myself places. They dont have to pick me up or drop me off. I dont need to catch a ride. He does. And its expected of me to go get him take him place. Work. My. Schedule around his. What about when I want to go out. What about when I want go places. No its you need to pick him up. You need to go drop him off. No he has to go there and there next. Like hello. When did I become this taxi driver. Granted I did know what I was signing up for back in December when this all had to play out.

Then theres this thing of doing things when it’s convenient for him to do. Take the dishes out. Take the garbage out. Clean his side of the bathrm.

Me on the other hand. I have to put the dishes away because it irritates the hell out of me when they sit in the sink for long periods of time. I have to vacuum because allergies and I would rather not be sitting on the couch miserable because of all the dust and shit. Yes. All my choices. Hoever it benefits the house too.

Sure. You’re right. I dont have a job. This semester just finished. I dont have anything “important” that I need to do. However. One of the main reasons I didnt. Havent. And couldn’t. Get one. Is because we have one car between three people. But I thought by now I would have a job and possibly a lease on a car or something. Honestly I think I have been put on a black list o something because I cant catch a break anywhere.

Between getting him to school. Her to work. Picking him up. Coming home doing things around the house. Errands if need be. School work and going down to campus when i need to. And going back to pick her up or going to drop him off at work. Making sure everyone needed to be where they were supposed to be. That in it of itself is a job on its own. Me adding another would have streched us more so.

And then its figuring out dinners. Shots on those fucking days. Doctors appointments. Blood work. Eating right. Catching a workout, which i have been seriously slacking on. A “friend” that would blow my phone up. A sister that was caught up in her own world.

No fucking wonder I ended up in the damn hospital.

What I am getting at here is this:

I am one person. I am flawed through and through. Stop putting double standards on everything. I am trying to live my best life here. Failing at it yes. But I am trying. Like EVERYTHING else. I. Am. Trying. I cant do more than what my mind and body allows me to. My soul is already exhausted. But god forbid I step out of line or do something not on the schedule. I am the liar. I cant be trusted. I am the one sneaking around and keeping secrets. Like what the actual hell.

And with all the fucking shit my mind has already put me through. And all the shit thats happened that wasnt supposed to happen. And all the medical problems now. I just.....

I just want to leave. Never come back. Runaway from this life and start another. With you. I want to wake up every morning to you starring right back at me. I want to come home to a place we have built. A place were we can do whatever the hell we want to and not a single person can say a damn thing about it.

I just want a cuddle right now. And a kiss on the forehead. Wrap you up in my arms and sleep the night away. Tomorrow is a new day. Let it be a better one then today and all the yesterdays.