#and i did that stupid apologizing too much thing and its worse when someone calls it out

[steaksex]

Today sucked ass and penis. Clearly the healthy thing ti do is repeat my self hypnosis trigger until i dont need to worry about having a brain or being a person

[cjlouwho]

This got a little long winded, so it gets its own post. The story you are about to read is based off of this poll. These are your choices.

Tommy was pretty sure he'd never felt a headache like this before. He wasn't prone to migraines, but he'd seen his mother suffer with them and this... well, this might be worse.

He squeezed his eyes shut, groaning as a wave of nausea fell over him.

It wasn't just his head that hurt. It was his whole body.

Damn, he hadn't been this sick in... well, ever.

His body shook with chills. There was a heaviness in his chest that had him turning his head to the side and choking out a hard cough.

Once he finally settled, that heaviness still there, he slowly let out a raspy breath.

Pudding.

He wanted pudding.

That was odd. He used to crave pudding as a child. Every time he got sick, he would request a pudding cup. And that's what he wanted right now.

Maybe he still had one in the fridge. He'd kept a few things there for Jee back when- Well, he had some kid foods that had been sitting in his fridge for a couple months now. Surely, the pudding would still be fine.

If only he could get out of bed.

He made a mental note to order a new mattress. This one had lasted him quite a few years, but he was definitely feeling the lumps today. It was hard and painful and poked into his back.

“God, this sucks,” he breathed out, blinking his bleary eyes open and... oh.

This wasn't right.

He wasn't at home. Wasn't in his bed.

And the heaviness in his chest was actually on his chest.

That's when the memories came flooding back to him. Going for a flight on his day off. Wanting to clear his head and get his thoughts in order.

He couldn't panic. He needed to maintain focus.

That was hard to do when his brain was all jumbled.

He remembered his phone was... somewhere.

Shirt pocket! That was it!

Carefully, and painfully, he reached up and pulled out the phone.

Miraculously, it was still in one piece. Besides a few cracks to the screen, it seemed to be working fine.

He stared at the screen. The default background that was once a picture of him and Evan.

It hurt to breathe. Hurt to think. He knew he probably didn't have that much time. Not with the way this heavy piece of metal pressed against his body.

So, with fuzzy eyes, Tommy went to his contacts, hovering his finger over the name before pressing down.

“Hello?”

“H- Hey. Long time, n- no talk.”

“Tommy? What's up? Are you okay?”

Tommy huffed out a laugh. “I... Well, that's a loaded question.”

“You sound weird. What's wrong?”

“I wanted to a- apologize to you.” With a grimace, he swallowed down what was definitely blood.

“For what?”

“For everything.”

There was a pause, then, “Did you do something stupid?”

“Not intentionally,” he deadpanned. “Listen, I- I kinda got into an accident and I...” his voice trailed off as he went into a coughing fit. The movement sent a pain shooting from his leg to his back. “Damn it!” he yelled.

“Tommy! Tommy, talk to me. What do you mean you got in an accident?”

“No, it- it doesn't matter. I just wanted t- to apologize for the way I left you.”

“You apologized for that years ago, Tommy. Tell me what happened so I-”

“Abby!” he exclaimed, the hunk of metal over him creaked as it lowered slightly. “I don't... I just need to apologize. I- you loved me, didn't you?”

“Yeah, I did. Car crash, or were you flying?”

“F- Flying. I loved you too. Not... Not the same though. Sorry.”

He could hear her mumbling something to someone else, then she was back on the line. “I'm calling 911 with Sam's phone. Stay on the line with me, Tommy. Are you in LA?”

“Mhm. Do- Don't think I made it far. Abby, listen, I didn't... I didn't mean to hurt you. I was so s- scared of- of everything.”

“Do you see anything around you? Any indicators for where you are? They're working on pinging your phone.”

When Tommy turned his head to the side, all he could see was trees. “Woods. I think. Can't see much. I was dating th- this guy.”

“Can you tell me where you're hurt? Are you bleeding anywhere?”

“Oh, for sure. But A- Abby, I didn't m- mean to hurt you.”

“Focus, please. Where are you bleeding?”

“Head. Leg. Mouth. Kinda e- everywhere. I was dating th- this guy,” Tommy sucked in a shaky breath, a rattling in his lungs. “Your guy, actually. O- Our guy?”

“Tommy, I think you're getting confused. I-”

“No, no. Evan. Buckley, Ev- Buck. Him.”

There was silence on the other end of the line.

“Hello?”

“No, I'm here. I- You're dating Buck?”

“Was dating Buck. I- I ended it. I'm c- cold.”

“Help is on the way, Tommy, just stay with me. You broke up with Buck. Why?”

“Remember wh- when we went to karaoke nights? Th- That was fun, wasn't it?”

Abby sighed. “It was, but that's not what we're talking about.”

“Wh- What was the song we us- used to sing?”

“You were a big Queen fan. I Want to Break Free. Shoulda known,” she mumbled.

Tommy laughed, but it quickly turned into a coughing fit, where blood bubbled up in his mouth.

“Tommy! Tommy, stay calm, okay. Turn your head a little so you don't choke.”

Tommy listened, spitting out the blood before he continued. “We should karaoke again.”

“I don't think that's gonna happen. Tell me about Buck.”

“Evan.” Tears filled in Tommy's eyes and he tried his hardest to blink them away. “We were t- together six months and it all f- fell apart.”

“Why?”

“He wanted... wanted me to move in. Can you b- believe that?”

“Yeah, actually, I can,” she answered. “Buck likes to attach and you're, well, attachable.”

“No. No, I'm not.”

“You haven't changed much, Tommy. You didn't seem to think you were worthy when we were together either.”

Tommy's eyebrows furrowed. Down his back he could feel the sensation of more blood dripping from his neck. “What d- do you mean?”

“The whole time we were together it felt like you were waiting for a bomb to drop.”

“That probably had to do with the whole being gay thing.”

“Mm,” she hummed. “Maybe. Don't think so though. Hang on a second.”

He looked up at the hunk of metal trapping him in place. “Nowhere to go.”

Tommy closed his eyes while he waited. He wasn't sure how much time passed, but the next thing he remembered, Abby was yelling in his ear. “-mmy! Tommy, talk to me!”

“Wha- I'm here, I'm here. God, you're l- loud.”

“And you're an ass. If I was there I'd smack you on the back of the head.”

“That would hurt,” he replied. “With the gaping wound an- and all the blood.”

“Back to Buck. Why'd you say no to moving in?”

“I own a home.”

“And?”

Tommy thought for a moment. “I- I wasn't enough for you, Abby. Couldn't be.”

“Mhm.”

“I hurt you. Didn't m- mean to, but I did. I saw- I saw it in your eyes, when I left, I... You loved me, and I couldn't... I'm sorry.”

“Is that why you left?” Abby asked. “You were afraid Buck would do the same thing to you?”

“I really...” he couldn't stop the tears now. His chest heaved in the little space it had left. “I really loved him, Abby, and I- I saw what I did to you and I couldn't. I just co- co- couldn't-”

“Okay, okay, Tommy, I need you to stay calm, okay? Listen, the dispatcher is telling me that the 118 is close to you. So you stay calm and you talk to me!”

“O- Okay.” He tried to calm his breathing the best he could, but the rattle persisted. He knew that didn't mean anything good. Each breath got a little harder, the blood continued to flow down his neck, and he was pretty sure something was sticking through his leg.

“Did you tell him how you felt?”

“He didn't... He never said it. That he loved me.”

“Did you?”

“No.”

“Maybe he was waiting on you. Did you think of that?”

“I think...” He just wanted to close his eyes. Nothing made sense, the cold feeling was fading, he was going numb. “I think I- I'm dying, Abby.”

“No! Listen to me, Tommy! They're close to you! I need you to make a noise. Let them know where you are. You hear me?! Call for help, Tommy.”

“Abb-”

“Call for help!”

Tommy groaned, more blood coming up in his throat. He managed to move one arm just enough for his hand to knock on the door of the chopper. “H- Here!” he yelled, banging on the door as hard as he could manage. “I- I'm here!”

Abby listened over the phone as the 118 arrived on scene. She could only make out bits and pieces.

“Tommy, can.... me? Talk to... There ya go! We got a...”

“What about the...”

“Hey. Hey, we're here, Tommy. Just focus on... and we'll get ya out, okay?”

“He's losing too... gotta get that off now!”

“Tommy, you look at me! We will... you just gotta promise me you'll... Promise?”

She waited, holding her breath until she heard his voice, just a touch above a whisper. “Promise.”

Things got quieter for a bit, then she heard voices again, so she yelled, “Hey! Hey, pick up the phone! Someone pick it up!”

“H- Hello?”

“Buck, is that you?”

“Yeah, Abby, it- it's me,” he answered, his voice practically shaking. “Maddie said y- you were on the line with him.”

“Is he...?”

“He's alive. We're following the ambulance to the hospital.”

“How bad?”

She could hear Buck sniffling through the line. “I don't know how he's alive, Abby,” he admitted, lip trembling. “It looks like this thing has been through a compactor.”

“And Tommy?”

"Has a gash on the back of the head, concussion, broken ribs, a pretty big piece of glass through his leg, definitely some internal bleeding. He... Chim says he should make it, but we- we barely got here in time. He might've... if he wasn't talking to you he probably...” He couldn't even bring himself to say the words.

“Hey, don't think about that now. He's gonna be fine. That's what matters.”

“Yeah.” Buck ran a hand over his eyes as he nodded. “Yeah, you're right.”

“I'll let you go, Buck, but let me know when he's stable, okay?”

“Yeah, I will. Thanks, Abby.”

“Of course. Oh, and Buck!” she quickly added before he could hangup.

“Yeah?”

“I know the guy pretty well. He loves you. He's just not great at being loved.”

“A- Abby-”

“Don't give up on him. He's worth it.” Before Buck could get in another word, she hung up.

*****

The next time Tommy opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed.

Evan was beside him, staring down at an empty cup in his hands. Tommy figured he must've sensed the staring, because soon enough Buck was meeting his eyes. “You're awake,” he said, eyebrows rising.

“I-” Tommy cleared his throat. “I think so, yeah.”

“There's been a couple wake ups that didn't quite stick,” Buck explained, standing to grab cup of water. He put the straw to Tommy's mouth and had him take a sip. “Slowly,” he instructed. “Don't want you choking.”

Tommy took a few sips, then settled back in the bed. “How long was I out for?”

“Almost four days.”

Tommy's eyes widened. “You.. You haven't been here the whole time?” he asked. “Have you?”

Buck nodded. “Three nurses have tried to drag me out of here. All have failed.”

Tommy hoped the monitor didn't show how fast his heart felt like it was beating. “Wh- Why? Why'd you stay?”

Buck smiled, wrapping his shaky hand around Tommy's. “A mutual friend of ours told me you were worth it,” he said, his eyes glistening with tears. “I just so happen to agree.”

[wolvesofinnistrad]

Buck is so fucking tired. Its been months, months trapped in this godforsaken day.

Hes tried everything to get out, he tried making up with his exes (except Tommy), hes tried talking to everyone he knows (except Tommy), hes even tried many implausible and at times downright stupid things (only half of those were based on ideas from Chimney and Eddie.)

Today was a break day. Hed needed a few to recover after his last attempt. At least the airtime had been nice for a few seconds before the pain cut straight to the next day. No strategizing either, not that he was getting much of anywhere since he had to remind whoever he was with that day, (usually Eddie, sometimes Hen or Chim, occassionally Maddie, rarely anyone else after the first few times) of every scheme hed already tried.

No today he was doing the only mildly interesting part of this living prison, exploring the city. He'd found a new farmer's market, went to the beach, and now he was stopping to get coffee.

As he exited the building he ran directly into someone, spilling his coffee all over himself. The burn honestly didnt much phase him anymore. Not after day 87 anyway. Still.

"Dang, watch it man," he said, none of the usual fawning apologies he'd have given before the loop.

"No it was my... fault," came a voice he knew so well yet hadnt heard in almsot a year now.

Well, for him almsot a year, for Tommy Kinnard standing in front of him it was only like 2 months.

"Oh this is fucking great," he said to himself before pulling out his phone. "Hildy make a not not to come here next loop I'm not doing this again," he said as he turned and started to walk away.

Then a hand grabbed his wrist and tugged, he tried to wrench his arm away but Tommy was just as strong as he was.

"Evan, what did you just say?"

Buck shook himself loose after another jolt of his arm before looking at Tommy. It still hurt, fuck it did, but he had worse things to deal with. "Don't worry about it Tommy. You don't ever have to worry about me again, you made that clear." Again hes about to turn away when Tommy calls out to him.

"Are you in a time loop?"

That was a new record. Chim had been the fastest to ever get it at 2 hours. Slowly he turned around, despite his better judgment.

"Considering you won't rmemeber this tomorrow, and we wont see each other, yes Tommy Ive been stuck in a time loop for months now. Its getting pretty fucking old actually." Despite the fact he was definitely being a bit bitchy, Tommys face was doing some confusing journey between surprise, relief and then happiness. By the time he stopped talking the man seemed to be vibrating before he pounced, hugging Buck so hard he thought he might crack a rib.

As much as Buck might have missed this, he was pretty fucking confused. "To-mmy..."

Tommy let go, pulling back and laughing a bit hysterically. "Evan," oh, his name sounded so good on Tommys tongue how had he forgotten "i thought i was going crazy."

"What?"

Tommy shook his head. "I mean, i didnt believe it at first. Obviously you know my skepticism, even after the Billy Boils thing." Tommy gave him a softer smile then. "But after a while, and a few different trips to the hospital it became clear there wasnt anything physically wrong with me, which meant either i was crazy, or, well, I was stuck in a time loop."

Buck stood there staring at the man he'd once been on the cusp of loving, of spending forever with, and realized they were both stuck, potentially forever, in a single day.

"I cant believe this... have you met anyone else thats on the loop?"

Tommy shook his head again, glancing around before motioning for them to take a seat outside the cafe. He grabbed some napkins, giving them to Buck to wipe at his stained shirt.

"No. Ive talked to a few people, Lucy, Sal, even Howie a few different times but never even considered someone else might be stuck too."

Buck dabbed at his shirt with little actual concern. He was more focused on this trippy development. "And youve tried to get out?"

"Oh boy, yes, tried doing everything right, doing nothing, tried talking to my dad even, that was a big mistake." His head tilted to the side in that way Buck remembered fondly, when Tommy was trying to dodge the severity of something he didnt want to admit hurt. "Heck I even called Abby thinking maybe i needed to apologize or something but... nothing." He held out his empty hands and shrugged.

Buck couldnt help what came out next. "Didnt call to apologize to me. And Id know, considering im also in the loop."

Tommy didnt say anything for a long moment until. "I thought about it. So many times. Talked myself out of it. Didnt think it was right to only contact you to try to free myself."

"Self sacrificing idiot," Buck said, tossing a balled up napkin at his chest.

"Guilty as charged."

That admission actually made Buck smile for the first time. "Dang, only took you a full blown time loop to admit it huh?"

Tommy laughed. "Groundhog day hell has humbled me I guessm"

Buck quirked an eyebrow. "What does any of this have to do with a holiday about a rodent predicting the weather?"

Tommy looked surprised, the expression soon melting into a sort of shocked amusement. "Ill explain it to you later. Looks like we've got the time. A lot of it actually."

"Yeah, I guess we do." Buck looked at him, and it still hurt, but there was camaraderie there, stuck in the same situation with only one person that understood. For the first time since the breakup he felt like things were starting to make sense again. And maybe, just maybe, if they could find a way to move past this day... well maybe they could find a way to move past their own problems too.

[cakepoppresent]

I'm Actually So Embarrassed for You

We love this energy

Previous - Next

Transcript Under The Cut~

Judith: Sweetie how long will you let these horrible rumors continue?

Blair: I'm worried about you Hun, do you want me to handle it?

Judith: It's not good to let this fester! The worse it's going to get. I saw what happened with your brother. What’s your game plan?

Luna: I appreciate the concern but it will be handled in a few days. I’ve been busy with some personal matters

Blair: It seems very calculated do you think someone is behind it?

Luna: Yes. Just a simple minded loser who doesn’t know her place. Nothing serious

Judith: Nothing is ever simple about people in the entertainment industry dear.

Blair: This takes me back! I’ve had a few people try to smear my name all over the tabloids. Brayden handled it very quickly, and never heard from some of them again~

Judith: It’s much more satisfying doing it yourself. Even better when you watch them suffer the backlash and then blacklist them.

Blair: Well doing the dirty work yourself is also a good option. Is that your plan Hun?

Luna: It’s actually happening today. Consider this a small inconvenience during the shoot it won’t take too long

Judith: Oh! It’s been boring for a while so this would be fun to watch

Luna: She should be here soon. You’ll notice her once she walks in

Blair: Oh Dear, I think I see her now...

Judith: Oh wow...who put her in the awful outfit

Luna: I did

Luna: Akira was it?

Akito : Its Akito actually.

Luna: Your outfit is something. I wasn’t aware the theme today was “Little House on the Prairie”

Judith: I guess the poor thing didn't get the memo

Luna: A bitch? Such vulgar words. This isn’t my photoshoot I can’t control what outfit they put you in

Akito: I thought the “Miss Luna Villeral” was supposed to be a beloved sweetheart. I didn’t realize you were actually just a bitch

Akito: You must think I’m stupid

Luna: I think you’re a little slow but that’s okay

Luna: You should be focusing on that outfit you aren’t on theme sweetie. Your personal assistant seems lacking if she can’t handle something like this.

Judith: You know you can get anything if you open your legs and give a bit of money

Blair: I thought this shoot was meant for well-established actors. I’m not sure who you are sweetie

Luna: Oh My... Don’t mind them they have no filter. You won’t take offence, will you?

Akito: I was expecting a bit more from you. Highschool level bullying is below you

Luna: Your expectations mean nothing to me Akira. We have bigger things to focus on like that ugly outfit

Akito: Its Akito

Luna: Whoops

Akito: How I got here isn’t important but I’m here now. It would be wise to treat me with some respect

Luna: Respect? You?

Akito: Doesn’t matter how you treat me Im here to stay Luna

Luna: Is that right?

Luna: *Giggling* I’m so sorry but you make me laugh. Whatever you have against me means nothing. These games are pointless, I’m actually so embarrassed for you

Aikto: You should treat me with some more respect Luna. We’ll be seeing more of each other from now on

Luna: Hmm...I don’t think I will. Actually, your time is over here you should head back to the dressing room

Aikto: What did they say about the outfit

Yuki:...They said you could take it off but...they said we no longer need to stay

Aikto: Is that right?

Akito: This doesn’t matter, how's the opinion of her online?

Yuki: About that...

Akito: What?

Akito: This doesn’t matter, how's the opinion of her online?

Yuki: Chantel made a tweet apologizing about the interview with Luna that really turned people's opinions. The articles on SMZ have already been removed

Akito: Hah!

Yuki: Your father called. We need to head back to Mt. Korembi...he found out what we’ve been doing

Akito: Did he say anything else?

Yuki: We have until the end of the week or else he’s sending someone to get us

Akito:...Lets go

[pebiejeebies]

Uhh weird chat abt why I think nickel’s apology was sketchy

NICKEL.. wasn’t the one who said sorry.

AND BEFORE YOU SCREAM AT MY FACE ANYTHING LET ME SPEAK!! I HAVE A REASON!

let’s talk about clover.

remember an/some episode(s) ago when nickel went on a therapy session with clover? Right?

she told him to rethink his whole life right??

NICKEL DIDNT RETHINK HIS LIFE. CLOVER DID.

It was all clover. Think about it

she’s lucky. She gets whatever she wants because of it too.

if she WANTS nickel to be friends with balloon, she will WISH that he becomes friends with him.

WHICH MEANS. there’s a high chance this whole apology was all just clover’s luck

we’ve seen how that stupid box was forced to do something it mentally/physically couldn’t. And it ended up doing what clover wanted (or at least keep her safe)

think about it. One episode, therapy with clover, next episode? Magically becomes the most nicest man ever and supports balloon while giving him his own space.

His apology felt so off, at first I was like YOOOO NICKLOON!! But in reality it was all clover, it’s just so off to me man.. maybe I just hate nickel or smth

But really think about it, there’s no way ANY person or object would do a full mental switch up THIS EASILY?! I took YEARS to stop abusing my sisters mentally and physically. There’s no way a fucking month will change him this quick. TRUST. ME.

I was as horrible as nickel and even worse too, it took years of struggle and patience to obtain what I have today! But nickel? NICKEL? NICKEL?!?! makes the luck do it all for him.

and that made me so fucking angry. you made me question myself and why I took so long to change, you are making other people think change is THAT EASY. you PEICE OF SHIT. (Not you dw, I mean AE)

Literally to the point I feel like nickel was like some sort of puppet or smth

Clover: do this

Nickel: alright

AND EVEN WHEN HE DOES IT ISNT EVEN HIS FUCKING CHOICE. IT ISNT. ITS HER LUCK. NOT NICKEL. now nickel feels like he fucking achieved something, when it was all clover.

LIKE COME ON. you made the fandom happy over something that could potentially be a lie?? There’s no way he magically becomes all cute and sweet and STAYS like that after her luck goes away. There’s just no way.

and ofc it had to be clover, it was all just to say “Oh he changed so quick because of—“ EXACTLY. they are cowards. they don’t wanna make the character slowly struggle and try to get better

they wanna get to the point and that’s it

so everyone goes WOAHHHH NICKLOON!! YAYY!! (no hate to the nickloon shippers btw) without taking so long, because they don’t know how to write any characters without some big flaw

So let’s just make clover “help” him!! Cause she’s lucky!! Yay!! And he can just change in a day or two!1 YAYY!!!/s

HERES ANOTHER POINT TOO. SHE CAME OUT OF THE FUCKING BLUE IN THAT EPISODE. “oh I just wanted to be a detective” yeah sure ae. Sureee… sure thing mf. Just solve one fucking word puzzle game and call yourself a detective. Idiots. (Again, pointed towards ae)

take a moment and think about this. Because maybe I’m just wrong, I’m usually wrong anyways. I just need to know I can’t be the only one who thinks that clover was the one who apologized, not nickel.

But for once I feel like I’m right about this, and if I am.. AE im fucking onto you. You fucking cowards.

(and before you ask, no. I’m not okay. I hate how they made me question myself. And I hate how they’re saying it’s so easy to change, and I hate how they’re so lazy about someone’s personality shift)

I don’t hate the animators. I don’t hate the storyboarders, I don’t hate the voice actors, I don’t hate ANYONE in ae. EXCEPT these fucking writers. There are so many better writers out there with ACTUAL ideas and ACTUAL talent, and experience and so much more about life and personality.

even I can write better characters without even planning it out. Imagine. Skill issue fr.

Please note that this isn’t targeted to you either, your opinion on this is valid, so is mine. Let’s keep this chat friendly though.

[givemeabreakimbig28]

++ idgaf if hes tired, hit rock bottom or about to jump off a bridge

ive hit rock bottom (like genuine depression) multiple times yet i have never said the dumb shit he said?

yet i never said the r slur

yet i was never misogynistic

yet i never congratulated trump

yet i never went on a coke rant in the streets, screaming and yelling at my phone in the middle of the night??

yall will dickride that man until hes dead atp. i’ll pass you a wet wipe when ur done though🤷‍♀️

half those things arent true and im sorry you went through that but i dont think hes actually like depressed or anything or about to throw himself off a cliff( as mentioned multiple times in his live) its honest anger and i dont think its very comparable to depression.

and ofc the election results were not ideal at all and everyone has said much stupider shit overall but hes only called out for it cause hes an idol and its important or sm but like its just another person man calm down

and his first comment was also like reasonable im sorry if you took it the wrong way but thats not his fault and if i say that again aint no one gonna come after me even though i am just another being of the same species. also its true, RIP to women and lgbt cause this country has failed you and you have lost what little right you already have

ik the first time he said the r slur is reading out a comment and then he actually said it back i fully defend that, no one questioned it and thats very hypocratic cause like?? he just called called one and no one said shit btu he not allowed to say it back?????

idek where the misogynistic rumours started but is strongly suggest you do you research before ruining a life for fun maam

that was so clearly sarcasm and he has said that it was sarcastic too if ur mad abt his refrencing taylor thats just ... mmm. how do you even get offended with that

im honestly just annoyed that he went back on his apology the second time cause tbh all of it is so fair it is way too normalized for idols to be suffering this much and my guy has done his time spent so much of his soul to become an idol to be undebuted twice just cause yall dont like a song. its not just a song to him its a life of dreams and its not fair to bring that up right now either.

im really glad he said sm ngl too many idols are stuck suffering in scilence. And that should not be the expectation you know what haters do is thousand times worse than what you see and no one should have to go through that

also annoying someone to the point where he has to quit his career is just sad bro what did he do to you you could always just not listen to his song or unfollow its not hard. but he cant block all of you

[im-invisible-erased]

I just had to back off from someone who was going through that like.... BPD Mania phase when you get like a new FP/relationship and its all consuming and they start acting like really hot and cold towards someone else...(me) I can only handle so much of being talked down to like im a fucking child and that they're a genius talk before it starts effecting my own mental health... I'm really bad at just removing people because im always afraid they're going to track me down and try to get back at me for it

also there is a lot of like reasons to why I removed them they have caused me to split before and was constantly causing me to split the last couple of days and it wasn't entirely because of him showing symptoms of things. The main issue was that he said I never bothered to get to know anything about him. And unless I feel close to someone I don't really try to pry into peoples past or traumabond or anything. If someone wants to share that because they want to or trust me enough then they will... But he rarely did and him throwing that in my face I think made me snap. Like I didn't try to get to know him and I don't know anything about him... Then if he is causing my mental to go wack and split and me trying to constantly have to apologize and deescalate while he's being an asshole then fuck him if I don't know anything about him then I guess it's not a friend worth keeping around if that's how he feels. Self preservation? Idk ... I hate cutting people out like that but also he was mean and then love bombing after I apologized and just... No no.... There is a limit to how someone can treat me and he crossed the line too many times especially for someone I didn't consider that close)

Sigh why is protecting myself from severe splitting cause so much stress because I feel bad removing him from discord friends and since he randomly deleted his discord server we had In common next time he tries to contact he will just get the message I guess.

Like yes abandonment hurts and I just abandoned someone else but also I am not going to deal with someone splitting on me that is causing me to split on them and be the person that has to act like the bigger person and then they still try to do the stupid my life is worse than yours or I've overcome harder things. Or whatever you call the who is suffering more game that people like to do....and you know nothing about this.

Ugh whatever not my problem anymore.

Leave me alone forever.

Can't even sleep because I'm so stressed out over this.

[jiminiesfavouritecolourisblue]

Bleeding Butterflies Part Fourteen - BTS OT7 Vampire au

Prev / Next

Well its been a while.... hasn't it. I call this chapter the angsty cloud before the storm. 7.6k words and warnings of angst, blood, control, deceit.

“Do you want me to let you go?”

With your arms around him you can feel him stop breathing in shock at your question. The bond he had been holding closed and close to his chest opened with a bang, a burning fire felt through it. You could feel his anger, thinking it was aimed at you, and part of it was, but most of it was cursing the universe for ever putting you in this cruel sadistic position. 

You pull away from him at the feelings he was emitting, scared stiff that he would answer yes, that he would walk away from you without turning back, even if you convinced yourself it was best for you both, that you could live with the pain of being without him if it meant he were free. You hear him find his breath again, it sounded heavy, swarming with every emotion he had tried to stop you seeing. He turns to you slowly, staring at you incredulously. 

“How could you think for even a second that I don’t want to be with you?“ he asks with stunned outrage in his voice. “That’s why I did what I did Y/n, did you think it was easy to be away from you!”

He stops anymore of his rant when your tears brim in your eyes. You look up at him but not in anger, that’s what he was expecting from you, his defiant human matching each shout and yell. Instead your gaze held an apology and he hated seeing it when he didn’t know what it meant. Did you want to end things with him? Had he fucked up so badly that you didn’t want him anymore?

“But I make you sad,” your voice trembles, explaining away his dread, those tears falling as you breathe shakily.

He pulls you in closely, unable to handle his angel crying. The words of disagreement are on the tip of his tongue but you beat him to it.

“I used to make you happy Tae,” you whimper into his chest. “All those memories we have together haunt me because we’ve lost them, I don’t make you happy anymore.”

“I nearly lost you,” he whispers into your hair in explanation, wanting you to understand that fear that seized him, that held him back from returning to those happy memories. It plagued him, worse than any illness.

“But you didn’t,” you refute him. “I’m alive Tae, I’m here.”

“But I’m going to lose you,” he confesses, his own tears falling on his cheeks. You gaze up into his honest open eyes, knowing you were so close to reaching him. “And it terrifies me.”

“Do you really think I don’t understand? I nearly lost you too.” You caress his cheek, wanting to comfort him, wanting him to be okay. “I live with the same fear every day Taehyung, when you went into that war, when you left, every time you all leave the estate, but I don’t let it get in the way of me being with you. We can’t live like this.”

His bottom lip trembles, the tears pouring out of his eyes as he struggles to speak, to say sorry for everything he’s put you through knowingly and unknowingly. 

For you, your happy memories were the ones to mock you, sneering at you that you could never have it again, but for him it was all the moments they nearly lost you. He couldn’t help it, every second of the day all he saw was you slowly decaying, dying in his arms, and he couldn’t take it.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, wiping every single one of his tears, saying the words he needed to. 

“I’m sorry that I’m human,” you whimper while fisting his shirt. “I’m sorry that I’m weak, I’m sorry you fell in love with someone who is going to leave you.”

You cursed that moment he distanced himself from you, and that stupid rogue that proved all his fears true.

—

As much as you didn’t want to talk about it, there was a giant elephant in the room that needed addressing after your near death experience. You knew they were upset with you, it wasn’t hard to see, you’d probably be the same if the shoe was on your foot, if not worse. 

You find the older four vampires in the library, looking through books, barely glancing your way when you enter, trying to keep their bonds locked between you. You on the other hand try not to let your paranoia get away from you.

“What are you guys doing?” you ask, keeping your voice light. 

“Trying to find something that might help elongate your life,” Seokjin mutters.

“I-”

“You’ve agreed to that at least,” he interrupts whatever you were going to say, eyes penetrating through you with a swell of anger he can’t help, not when he’s kept it buried for so long. He regrets it when you look down guiltily, the smell of petrichor starting to seep out of your body putting them on edge.

Yoongi gives him a seething look, it wasn’t your fault, they discussed this, they had no right to take out their frustrations on you and with the consequences of your emotions they couldn’t risk it. As painful as walking on eggshells was, they had to. As much as they wanted to scream and yell about the situation, it wasn’t going to help or get them anywhere. 

“Actually that’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” you mumble, making them all turn to you in panic, had you changed your mind? Would you really take away the only option you left them with so cruelly like a rug from under them? “I don’t want to spend the rest of my days like this…”

You gesture to them all with their hands holding books, the way they were reading them all so intently before you walked in. 

“I don’t want to fight, or have you guys obsess over something that might not be possible,” you explain, shifting foot from foot. “I know I said you can look for a way to extend my lifespan, so we have more time left but, what if it takes so long that we lose all the time we have? I don’t want to take that for granted, what if there isn’t a way…”

“Light of my life,” Namjoon puts down the book he’s holding, walking over to you to hold your downtrodden face in his hands, reading you better than any book. “You don’t have to worry about that, I promise. We’ve all agreed to balance our time.”

Your eyes water, the smell of petrichor in abundance through the room making them all stand with the high prince, surrounding you with worry. You had to be happy, as much as the way things were hurt them, they had to make sure through it all you were kept ignorant and happy. 

“I-I know what I said w-was cruel,” you close your eyes as the tears fall, your face scrunching in pain as you force the words out. “And I’m sorry, but I-I…”

You wanted to explain yourself, you wanted them to understand, to not hate you for the choices you were making but in truth you couldn’t understand it yourself. 

“I’m not doing this to hurt you,” you confess the only thing you could make sense of, opening your eyes, earnestly looking at them all to show your sincerity. Hurting them was the last thing you ever wanted, but it was the consequence of your decisions. 

“We know sweetheart,” Hoseok forces a reassuring smile, trying to keep the sorrow out of his eyes, wishing he could tell you everything. “It’s okay.”

“She needs to leave before she sees what some of us are really working on,” Jin mumbles in decibels you can’t hear, hoping you didn't notice his lips moving slightly, trying not to glance back at the open book he left on the desk about the forbidden ‘I’ word. 

“Precious, you haven’t eaten,” Yoongi holds out his hand for you, not missing the way Jin looked dejected, but it was going to take him a little bit of time to vent through his anger before he would return to normal with you. Even you glanced at the vampire momentarily, remembering all the times he would try to get you to eat, the way he would look after you. The way all of them tried to look after you.

“Are you sure you guys don’t want any help with what you’re working on?” you ask instead. “I know it's not an ideal way to spend time together but it's something at least.”

Hoseok has to bite his tongue to restrain himself from yelling ‘NO’ dramatically, knowing it would arouse suspicion, but he feels the gears of panic turn when you walk towards one of their research stations.

“Food first,” Yoongi declares, taking your hand in his and pulling you out and away from their deceit. 

“That was close,” Jin says when you’re out of ear shot, releasing a breath of relief. 

“I think we’re going to have to keep a closer eye on sweetheart,” Hoseok suggests, one of them was going to have to be with you constantly to make sure you didn’t stumble on their real work. 

—

Nostalgia was infectious, but instead of letting it make you sad you were determined to rebuild those memories, no matter how long it took, or how long you had left. Like this moment for example, sitting on the kitchen counter while someone scattered around the kitchen making you food. The Sun in your memories mocked you, now hiding behind the grey clouds, the colour seeping its way into the room, surrounding you where rays of light once did. 

To think, a younger version of you tried to escape a hundred times from their safety, or of the amount of tears you shed, the amount of heartbreak you were still reeling from, and yet, there was nowhere else you would rather be. You were grateful for every moment, every hardship, because it was all a consequence of being their love. 

Yoongi barely paid you any attention as he worked through the cupboards and the fridge whipping something as fast as he could. His mind was elsewhere, where their research was taking them, and the urge to return to it was pulling him. When he was with you he had to think of all the things he was trying to avoid in his brain, with his head in a book he didn’t have to think of anything other than finding a way for you to live. This was the hole that Taehyung had found himself fallen in and Yoongi was about to succumb to the dark of it before your voice pulled him out.

“Thank you,” you break the silence with sincerity, but he hadn’t handed you any food yet.

“For what?” he frowns, chopping the vegetables on the island, his back to you.

“Thank you for finding me first,” you say, making him turn to you in surprise.

“What?” his jaw drops, the muscles in his face slack from shock.

“My existence was cursed from the second I turned 18,” you chuckle but there were tears forming in your eyes. “I hate to think how bad it could’ve been if you hadn't found me first.”

Though your gratitude was sincere to Yoongi’s ears it sounded like you had accepted defeat, like your life was flashing before your eyes.. He was torn between the sorrow he felt watching you so vulnerable and the anger that something was prohibiting you from fighting for your own happiness. He knew you felt happy with them, he could feel it himself, he knew in his undead heart, you belonged with them, forever and eternally.

He leaves the knife and the half cut produce on the chopping board, wiping his hands on the cloth before he approaches you. To Yoongi, it didn’t matter that the Sun was absent from the sky today, there was a reason why Namjoon referred to you as the light of their lives, who needed the stupid yellow ball so distant in space when you were right here beside them. His hands hold the side of your thighs, making you look up from your knees into his eyes. His thumb rubs small circles over your jeans, the pair of you trying to smile. 

“Of course I found you first,” he tries to sound cocky, to lighten the atmosphere, to make it like it was before. “You’re meant to be with us.”

He says those words with the conviction of his soul, he believes it completely. He didn’t realise how much he missed the sound of your laughter until you tease him with it, a slight giggle leaving your lips. 

“You mean like destiny?” you question, making fun of him. “You sound like Joonie.”

There was that shy gummy smile that made your heart swell, when was the last time you saw it?

—

Jungkook walks into what he thinks is the most domestic thing in all his almost 200 years of life. Almost like a scene from the past, haunting him like an illusion. You were still on the counter eating whatever Yoongi prepared, the vampire standing close as you both smiled softly at each other sharing the moment. 

“Am I interrupting?” Jungkook grins despite the heavy feeling in his chest wanting to bring the corner of his lips down.

“No.” 

“Yes,” Yoongi responds gruffly. 

How can such a beautiful smile stab him so hard in his gut? You laugh at the vampire’s grumpy antics, the carefree look on your face filled with love he yearned to see for such a long time. There was a pang of jealousy at the scene, a tug that wanted him to be a part of it without breaking the moment, but he was so afraid to. 

“What did you want?” Yoongi grumbles, turning back to you.

“I wanted to see Princess,” he says smiling before mumbling low so you couldn’t hear, “Hyung’s asking if you’re ready to leave.”

There’s a pause as Yoongi’s thumb stills for a millisecond while caressing your cheek, the hesitation so quick you thankfully don’t notice. He can’t hide the intensity of his eyes that grows at the prospect of having to leave you when all he wanted was to stay in this moment, in this little bubble where he could pretend everything was okay. How the hell did Taehyung do it?

You glance away bashfully at the depth of his stare, feeling it penetrate down to your chest in a way that has it beating so hard you’re sure he can hear it. There’s a soft grin on his face you can see in your peripherals, glancing at him swiftly to confirm it was there before staring intently at the bowl in your lap. You suddenly didn’t feel that hungry any more, your stomach was twisting in a way it hadn’t for so long. Even after all this time they still made you flustered so easily, playing havoc with your heart.

When your eyes are no longer on him he nods for Jungkook’s benefit, his hand still holding your face, making you look up at him again. He knows why Taehyung left, the universe was threatening to take this away from them, they would do anything to stop it, whatever the cost. He didn’t know how long he would be away, but he was determined not to return empty handed. 

“Stop playing with your food,” Yoongi says softly before turning to Jungkook. “Are you going to stand at the door or are you going to make yourself useful?”

The vampire stutters in surprise, looking like a deer in headlights before he composes himself. He can’t help gulp as he enters the threshold, feeling like a single step could shatter the mirage in front of him. You, however, see through Yoongi’s blunt tone, knowing it was his own way of inviting the youngest into the moment. 

“You can do the dishes,” he commands, Jungkook nodding obediently without a word.

“Yoongi, I can do them,” you whine, feeling bad for the maknae, moving the older vampire’s hands from your cheek as you try to move off the counter to help. Firm hands on your hips hold you in place, a stern warning stare making you quiet. As if he was going to let you lift a finger after nearly losing you. As stubborn as you thought you could be, Yoongi could be so much worse when pushed, and even you knew you’d lose the fight here, which brought him to his next dilemma. 

He didn’t know when he would be back or how much energy he was going to need, and the last time he fed from you was… a while ago. He detests himself a little, loathing the fact he would hurt you to sustain himself, the magic and lure of your blood’s potency gone. He still craved it, still longed for a bite, but not at the cost of your health.

“Yoongi?” You bring him back from the spiral of his guilt and hunger, hands on his arms, soothingly rubbing gently to coax him back to you. “What’s wrong?”

It felt like such a stupid question to ask with everything that had been going on, but you could see his eyes cloud over, his thoughts taking him away from you.

He sighs, the disgust of his dilemma feeling like bile in his throat.

“Precious,” he hesitates, watching the worry grow on your features, knowing he needed to stop it in its tracks. “I need a drop.”

It comes out like a mumble but you hear him perfectly, a little taken back, expecting the worst but something so trivial was in its place. You laugh a little, wondering why he was so shy and awkward about something that was the norm. It doesn’t even reach your mind that your previous disposition would haunt them the way it did, you couldn’t see the consequences yet not with your hope to return to the way things were. 

“Of course,” you smile reassuringly, bringing your wrist up to his lips but he pushes it away, his head hanging low. Maybe he wanted it from the neck? 

“Just a drop precious,” he reiterates, taking your forefinger to his lips, kissing the skin there first. 

He looks so tormented when he puts the digit in his mouth, the incisor piercing the flesh before his tongue laps up the blood quickly. One swipe of his tongue and he removes himself, darting across the kitchen in a flash before he’s back. Your frown only grows when you see him place the plaster over the smallest cut, intently focused on his task as if it were life saving surgery. 

You know he said just a drop but never before had they meant it so literally, it was something they told themselves, but they always took more, you knew that and you never minded. 

“Yoongi you can take more,” you encourage him but he shakes his head.

You don’t notice Jungkook clutching the sink to the point it was about to form a hand shaped dent, the pair of Vampires struggling internally when the sweet smell of the blood fruit encompassed the room. How long had it been? Well before your birthday surely, before the world as they knew it turned on its head. Yoongi can still feel the lingering taste in his mouth, he doesn’t know how he stopped himself taking a little more, but the image of you near death on your bed was enough to control him.

He doesn’t answer you, the corner of his mouth trying to rise in a reassuring smile but it doesn't reach his nose let alone his eyes. 

His eyes are dead, the irises hollow, unable to hold the mask of a soul in place, and all you could do was stare dumbfounded. His hand cups the back of your head, pushing you towards him as he kisses your temple, lingering there in an unspoken goodbye you didn’t hear, hiding his expression from you. 

“Eat the rest of your food,” he mumbles against your skin, unable to meet your gaze as he swiftly makes his exit. 

In a blink he was gone, leaving you more muddled than before. You swallow before you breathe again, not realising you were holding it. You were so naive to think things could return to the way they were so easily. No, not naive, you were desperate for it. So desperate you would pretend everything was fine, if you could convince yourself, you could make them believe it too.

It's quiet between you both now Yoongi left the room, Jungkook washing the dishes of your lunch quickly now your finger was bandaged, not glancing your way even though you were staring a hole into the side of his face. Even through all of the trials and tribulations of your relationship, he still managed to look so soft, nothing like what he did when you first met. You don’t know why you were thinking of the past but you couldn’t help it. 

He hears a soft breath of laughter escape your lips, his eyes flickering in your direction to find you smiling, shaking your head.

“What’s so funny, beautiful?” he asks, wiping his hands on the kitchen towel before coming to stand beside you, a hand on your thigh as he finally looks at you, curiosity winning against his reservations. 

“You,” you state matter of factly, grinning when he frowns.

“Me?” he asks, feeling perplexed, he doesn’t remember doing anything to make you laugh, but whatever it was he would do it again if it made you smile like this. 

“The fact I thought you were this scary spiteful mean vampire, and you turned out to be the softest bunny I’ve ever met.”

His eyebrows rise in surprise making you laugh louder, how on earth did you think Jungkook was the scariest of them? He bites the corner of his lips to stop himself laughing with you, trying to control his expression but his eyes crinkle in amusement. 

“A bunny?” He tries to sound offended.

“The softest bunny,” you correct him, still grinning widely. 

“I guess I still haven’t apologised for my behaviour back then,” he says sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. Those words sober you, the look in your eyes changes and it has him mirroring the sombreity. He looks up at you with the widest doe eyes, as if his world was about to collapse in front of him at any moment and he was begging it not to. 

You struggle to smile, the edge of your mouth rising before it falters. He watches your hand reach him, your fingers caressing his cheek bone with a sad fondness. He holds your palm against his cheek, smelling your sweet scent before the fragrance of petrichor begins to cloud it. He never used to hate that smell, but now he knew the consequence of it, he couldn’t help despise it. 

“I don’t want you to apologise,” you say to him softly. “I don’t regret a second of it.”

Almost like a movie reflecting in each of your eyes, you both remember the turning point of your relationship. That night he almost died, you would never regret your actions. Even then, even though he was almost a stranger you remember the overwhelming sense to help him, to save him, and you were so glad you did. 

“You were the reason I stopped acting like a… how did you put it…” you ponder for a moment as the words come back to you, “an ungrateful brat.”

It takes him a second to place those words in his memories, the scene coming back to him as he remembers they came from his own lips.

“You heard me?” 

“You weren’t exactly quiet,” you scoff with amusement before guilt floods his eyes.

“Princess I’m so sorry,” he breathes, grabbing ahold of your hands so you believe him. “I was just-”

“Kookie it's fine,” you squeeze his hands, the gesture cementing your words. “I told you, I don’t regret any of it, even if you did hate me when we first met.”

You don’t realise your lips purse at the memory of his stern stare, knowing you weren’t exactly fond of him either back then but did he have to be so intense about his dislike?

“I didn’t hate you,” Jungkook chuckles, kissing your pout away. “You were a nuisance though, I admit.”

He laughs harder when your jaw drops at the playful insult, stealing your lips quickly before you could respond, melting away whatever it was you were going to say with his kisses. You changed his world the second you stepped foot in it, he didn’t know how to react to you until you took his life into your own hands. How does he tell you that's where it's been ever since that night?

—

If they weren’t vampires, the way Namjoon slams the book after reading something he didn’t like against the desk would’ve made them jump in surprise. The wood cracks down the middle, on the brink of breaking but still holding itself together.

“What?” Hoseok dares to ask in a breath, his face the picture of heart break, he tells himself he can bear it, whatever it was that made Namjoon look like the tempest about to tear the world apart.

“All this time I thought the laws of the blood fruit were for its survival, but she doesn’t work like the rest of the universe, she was made to die,” the highest prince rants, his eyes burning into the book that dared tell him everything he believed was a lie. 

Both Jin and Hobi watch their brother with pitying caution, silent to his words.

“Everything she is is to ensure her death! How could I have been so stupid not to see it?” He yells, his hand running through his hair as if he were about to rip the strands out. “And the witches knew it the whole time.”

His voice turns deadly but solemn, staring daggers at the black book that mocked him, the one he took from the sisters the night before. A peace offering on their side, but he could see what it really was, they were begging for their lives. 

“Namjoon everything you thought was a theory. We were all wrong, every supernatural being, centuries of us,” Jin tries to bring the lead vampire down from his cascading outburst, the fire raging into an inferno in his eyes, they only hoped he could still hold the bond between you closed. 

“What did you read?” Hoseok asks quietly, his eyes on the book too as if it held unseen powers to destroy them. 

“I need to see the witches,” Namjoon states instead of answering, “tonight.”

—

“Did it hurt?” You ask him in greeting, catching him off guard as he approaches you as you gaze out of the balcony, arms crossed on the wooden railings, staring at the grey cover of clouds that dimmed the world around them. 

“Did what hurt?” 

Pain was surrounding them in abundance recently, he thinks to himself, you would have to be more specific. 

“When you fell?” Your tone is so seriously contemplative, he stands there in shock before breaking out into laughter.

“From heaven butterfly?” He laughs, standing beside you, mirroring your position, his arms touching yours. It was odd how comforting even the lightest physical connection between you could be for both of you. “You’re the Angel, you tell us.”

“No!” You laugh back realising why he was confused. “When I first came here desperate to leave, I jumped off the balcony.”

There’s a twinkle in your eye of mischief and humour as it clouds with reminiscence as you look at him.

“You jumped off after me and caught me,” you sound almost as if you’re in a trance, as if you could see it all again in front of you. “You broke my fall, I remember you holding me so close against you…”

Jimin remembers it too, the way you looked up at him in shock at your own actions as he tried to mask his pain of hitting the concrete hard. He’ll never forget the second your hands gripped onto him tighter in a lapse of fear before you pushed him away, returning to that stubborn human they all came to love.

“I remember feeling… safe,” you say airily before snapping out of it and repeating the original question. “Did it hurt?”

He smiles gently, taking a strand of your hair and playing with it softly before lying.

“No butterfly, it didn’t hurt.”

—

“You still haven’t… eaten,” you want to cringe at the word but you couldn’t think of a better way to put it. 

“I’m not… hungry,” he smirks at least, a little, glancing at you momentarily telling you it was okay with his eyes before returning to his book. He flicks the page as you walk towards him, the cautious anticipation simmering in your stomach like deja vu. You remember this was how you felt at the start, sitting under the tree with him that first time. It was like you both regressed back to the beginning of your relationship, scared for some reason, as if you expected him to reject you even after everything. 

“Tae take a little,” you push softly, you knew it hadn’t been that long since he last fed but all the days without him lulled into one long timeless void. You needed that contact with him again, something to soothe the ache of a taunt bond, to reassure it that there was no threat of it breaking.

He sighs, putting down the book and casting it aside before addressing you. He doesn’t meet your gaze, instead his eyes are on the space beside you, his head low as if you were too bright to look at, like it would hurt if he did. 

“How can I feed from you when you-” he can’t complete his sentence. He looks down at the desk, schooling his features as he stops himself from breaking down again. It had been happening repeatedly throughout the day after your last conversation, and he didn’t want it to happen in front of you. He swallows down the pressure building in his throat.

“Just a drop,” you say in a small voice, scared of pushing him over the edge, scared your relationship with him was in such tatters that you no longer had the right to ask him to feed. 

“I can’t, angel,” he shakes his head, his eyes closing momentarily. He was holding himself back, you could see it, but you could also feel him tugging and pulling desperately at the bond, calling for you in a way he couldn’t admit. 

But there are a thousand words you’re also holding back behind closed teeth, a thousand worries you were trying not to let through for him to see. You missed him so much, but even with his presence he seemed so far away. The distance you thought you had conquered only grew in different ways. 

You both handed each other your hearts on silver plates, and both of you hurt the other in ways that would take time to heal, time you didn’t have. So where did that leave you? Confessions on the tips of your tongues but no courage to push the words out? 

“Tae,” you sigh, gathering the strength to say what you needed. “Do you think you’ll ever forgive me?”

How do you always manage to break his heart even when it was already so shattered? It wasn’t your fault, he knows that, but you didn’t.

“Have you forgiven me?” he asks quietly, head still low but his eyes glance your way for a moment. 

“I don’t know,” you confess honestly in a whisper, eyes stinging. “I just want us to go back to before. Don’t you want that too?”

Before, it didn’t need to be specified, you both knew what you meant. If you had the power to, you would turn back time and never leave their side that dreaded night. You would never let Taehyung realise how fragile your mortality was to the point where it took him away from you. You would let yourselves live in the ignorant dream unaware of the truth but you would be happy. They would be happy.

“I don’t want to lose you,” he only manages to breathe the words he's said a thousand times, the volume of his voice held down by the sob strangling his throat as it tries to break out. 

His eyes beg you, brimmed with unshed tears, knowing you held no power over what was happening to you but he had no one else to ask.

You’re frozen in front of him, seeing every wall he had built around himself since that night of Jimin’s birthday come crashing down to reveal a scared little boy in love, and you wanted nothing more to hold him, to tell him it would be okay, but those words would be lies, and it was far too late for that. It was time to grow up.

“You’re going to.”

You hit him with the harsh truth, grounding your own emotions. There was no point of denying the bitter taste of what fate had in store for you, you couldn’t comfort him, you couldn’t give him what he wanted. What he wanted was out of everyone’s control, the sooner you all accepted that the better. 

“You’re going to lose me one day Taehyung and I am so sorry,” despite the hard determined stare of your eyes they watered, your jaw clenched to hold yourself together. “It’s the way the universe works for everyone, we’re not immune to it, we’re just aware of it. And it sucks Tae, I hate it, I hate that its hurting you, but-”

You inhale sharply, pulling yourself together as fresh tears drop down your cheek. He was mourning you like you were already dead, and no matter what you knew you couldn’t pull him out, not when he was wallowing in it.

“It's your choice Taehyung,” as his walls turned to rubble you felt yours build in a way that turned you cold. “You can lose me while I’m still alive, or you can lose me when I’m dead, those are the only options, it’s your choice.”

You walk away and force yourself not to look back, closing the bond between you completely shut so he couldn’t feel the way your own words broke you, and like the coward you were, so you couldn’t feel what impact they had on him 

—

“We need our own fail safe against hers,” Namjoon says solemnly as he buttons the coat. “If she ever finds out what we’re up to we have to ensure she doesn’t hurt herself.”

“What do you suggest?” Jin asks, eyeing the prince with crossed arms, an ear out listening for your movements even though he knew you were sound asleep in your room.

“You’re not gonna like it,” he informs them as he fixes the scarf around his neck, the stare he gives them speaking volumes. 

“What if we made her realise it?” Jungkook suggests his gaze on the ground, looking through it as if he could see hell under it. “She doesn’t know about Chaos, what if we told her about it?”

His older brothers stare at him silently, contemplating whether their youngest was naive or just hopelessly loyal to you and your feelings. 

“We don’t know what the consequences of that are going to be Jungkook,” Jin says, his tone slightly scolding though he tries to hold it back. They were all becoming impatient, but the lease on your life didn’t allow for mistakes. 

“Tell Hoseok to get back before she wakes up.” Namjoon doesn’t even acknowledge the maknae’s words, directing his command to Jin before he leaves the pair himself. 

“Where did Hobi hyung go?” Jungkook asks, trying to quell down the hurt from both his hyungs dismissing him. 

“He’s chasing another lead,” Seokjin replies, not an ounce of emotion or hope in his voice. “He’s trying to find a centaur.”

“Another lead,” a voice repeats from the shadows before he could elaborate. 

Both vampires turn to see Jimin with his arms crossed leaning against the wall. His piercing eyes said more than his tone, he had lost hope. No evidence of his previous laughter with you earlier could be seen, here, where your eyes couldn’t reach him, he didn’t have to pretend he had any hope left. 

“We’re not losing her,” Jin almost growls, reading the younger’s face clearly. 

“Us and what power Hyung?” Jimin scoffs humorlessly, “we’re vampires, even with the blood fruit we’re no match for this cosmic bitch who put this power or fucking failsafe inside of her.”

Jungkook visibly flinches, Jimin wasn’t one to swear so viciously. Neither of them miss the way he didn’t refer to you as butterfly, as if he was already dissociating himself from you, as if that would save him from the pain. Jimin wasn’t one to give up, his brothers stare at him in stupor. He was the last one they expected to be like this, but the toll of watching you nearly die twice in one lifetime knocked him to the ground. He couldn’t do it a third time, he wouldn’t survive. 

“Not that it matters,” he says quietly, “we’ll have nothing to live for when she goes, but we’ll have the rest of our miserable existence to hunt down whoever did this to her, or we die trying.”

—

Whispers, they were trying to wake you but you couldn’t make out the words. They sound more like a hum in the air, but you could swear there was a voice behind it, frowning in your sleep as you try to decipher the message. You see their faces in your dreams, but rather than the overwhelming love you’re used to feeling something else entirely grips your chest. An uneasy distrust, a paranoia travelling under your skin until it prickled. It doesn’t take you long to realise the sound is coming from something within you, unfamiliar but present in your mind, until the words blared like a scream.

WAKE UP- 

You jolt upright, sweat pouring out of your skin as anxiety made your heart race so fast it split in half, a part dropping to your stomach and half lodged in your throat. The alarm was pounding low through your veins, warning you something wasn’t right. You could feel the hands of something wrap around your neck, warning you, to sort it out otherwise it would.

You quell the panic that tried to make its way through the bond, shutting them off completely even though they asked you not to, to save your strength. You could hear nothing but you felt the whispering again, losing the ability to translate the words but somehow you understood. 

Something was wrong.

“Sweetheart, are you okay?” Hoseok’s silhouette looms at the barrier of the doorway, and for a second his shadow strikes fear into your bones. He switches on the light before stepping into the room, a smile on his face that didn’t reach his eyes no matter how hard he tried to plaster it there. Another expedition, another failure. “Your heart’s racing.”

He frowns at your retreating figure as you unconsciously tried to make yourself smaller before realising what you were doing. This was Hobi, he wouldn’t hurt you, you loved him, so why were you so on edge? You shake away the embrace of dread, trying to calm yourself, it was just a weird dream, that was all. 

“Nightmare?” he asks tentatively, sitting beside you but not reaching out to touch you just yet. 

You nod in reply, unable to trust the sound of your voice until you got a hold of yourself. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” But you’re shaking your head before he even finishes the question. 

Something was wrong with his presence, something lingering in the air between you both where it shouldn’t. Doubt, it seeped its way into your mind as you studied him. It was almost as if he was forcing himself to be here, to be with you… and it eerily gave you de ja vu to earlier in the day, when Yoongi took you to the kitchen to eat, you had just been so wrapped up in your own trip down memory lane to realise it until now. You hadn’t seen him since, and something told you he wasn’t in the library where you suspected the others were. Something also told you, Hobi wasn’t about to let you check. 

“Where is everyone?” You ask. 

“In the library sweetheart,” he reassures you, but Hoseok couldn’t lie very well, his smile always gave him away when it stretched unnaturally. “They thought you were sleeping.”

“Even Yoongi?” you force the words out, a small burst of adrenaline making your heart work faster in anticipation, as if you were so close to the answer.

“He’s out looking for the phoenix sweetheart, he’ll be back in a few days,” he mumbles, climbing into the bed next to you as if he were tired. The importance of lying to you was to do it with sprinkles of the truth. His arms wrap around you, pulling you to lie down with your head on his chest, his chin on the top of your head to stop you glancing at him. Hoseok was deflated, he was depressed and he was struggling to hide it from you.

“The phoenix?” You weren’t surprised something like that existed, you just didn’t understand why that particular being, or why he left without saying anything. 

“They have healing tears,” he explained, “Namjoon thought it would be a good idea if we had a few drops in stock for when… you’re not well.”

“Okay.” It seemed reasonable enough, you couldn’t detect a lie in his voice, but his words seemed shallow, like you could only see skin deep, you couldn’t hear what he was hiding. 

“Get some sleep sweetheart, I’m right here,” he strokes your arm, trying to lull you to rest but your gut tells you not to listen to him.

“I’m not tired,” you say, pushing up against his chest to sit upright again. “I miss you guys, why don’t I help with the research?”

You made your offer with a smile, but something cold washed over his eyes, a flicker of panic, annoyance, you couldn’t decipher it.

“You’ll only distract them Y/n,” he sounds off, you never heard him say something so bluntly before. 

“I thought we said we weren’t going to sacrifice the time we have,” you try not to sound as hurt as you feel, you know it wasn’t the best way to spend time together, truth be told you were sick of all the research, but you needed to see them with your own eyes. You wouldn’t feel at peace until you did.

He sighs deeply, closing his eyes, running his hand through his hair as he tells himself to breathe. You frown, you could feel your body want to move towards the door, something inside of you pushing you desperately. You give in to the force, moving off the bed as his eyes snap to you like a predator. 

“Sweetheart you can help them tomorrow,” he says, grabbing your hand to stop you moving. You watch him, but something about his gaze felt strangely hypnotic, a warning in them not to move. “Spend some time with me.”

“We can all spend some time together,” you breathe, gulping down the sudden unease you could feel in your throat. There’s that flicker in his eyes again. He felt like a stranger, like someone was wearing his skin. In a flash it’s gone, he smiles again as if nothing were wrong.

“Okay stubborn human,” he chuckles but it sounds empty. He wanted his brothers to advance in their real agenda where he failed, taking you there would be a set back. He would have to warn them to hide the books on immortality when you got close, but hopefully someone would hear you were coming. Hopefully you wouldn’t notice Namjoon’s absence.

Neither of you move, you both just stare at each other in silence for a second that feels like a lifetime, caught in your own disarraying thoughts.

“Hobi,” you can’t take it, your insides felt messed up, like you were tearing down the middle, tugged in different directions, unable to make sense of anything at all. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine sweetheart,” but it sounds like a lie. It looks like a lie, he struggles to keep that smile on his face, looking away from you down to the fabric of the sheets. 

He lets go of your hand but you grasp it, squeezing it gently to tell him you didn’t believe him. 

“Hoseok,” you coax gently, feeling so close to the truth. 

His eyes water when they meet your gaze, his bottom lip trembling so hard you leap to embrace him, holding his head in your neck before he has the chance to cry.

“I’m not fine,” he chokes, sniffling as he shakes in your hug. “You nearly died in front of us, how are any of us fine?”

The guilt that came with his words wrenched painfully through your chest, unable to utter a single word to comfort him. He had seen you nearly die before and he got past it, it took some time but he did. You just prayed hard they could all do it again, but this time was different, you knew that. 

--------------------------------------------------------

taglist : @nlost21 @pb-n-juju @needyomnivore @lvpersona @marvelfamily3000 @love2lovesworld @halesandy @dreamamubarak @deepseavibez @mikymouse0729 @barnesrogerslover @itismochirice @mwitsmejk @minswife4life @taejichafe @girlinthemikrokosmos @fangirl125reader @rjsmochii @unicornbabylover @chatsgotmytongue @aclp-jb1d @loner0907 @seagulljk @swga-ficrecs @ipurpleyous-things @hunnibxbe @motivatedprocastinator @bigdickdaddysatan @yiyi4657 @danietoww04 @agustdjoon @perrryyysblog @potaetopic @natherondalelightwood @galacteas @dovejoon @notsooperfect @tinyoonsblog @gingerspicetalks @skattwang @angryperfectionpersona @happycandynoelle @asteria33 @pinkcherrybombs @kookstempo @thisisnotangel @pink-sugar-devil @toriluvsfics @ohnomywenis @gaemkyuu @topthis808 @mooncuddler

[mongreldyke]

I haven't watched Willow but if they're both knights (?) Maybe. Armour maintaining

BENREY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS

rest of the fic under the cut

i might do a part 2 if anyone else wants it i’m very obsessed with this. so much brainrot

“... Have you maintained your armor at all, Your Highness?”

“I told you to call me Kit.” It was the knee-jerk reaction Kit had whenever she heard the title from the guard’s mouth. No one else would listen to that request, it was always Your Highness, or worse, ma’am. (She didn’t know why that specifically made her skin feel wrong on her skin, like someone had plastered an ill-fitting mask across her mouth and acted like it was anything like what she truly was.) Jade, though, listened to her. Kit thinks that she’s not exactly a girl the same way Kit is. 

Jade muttered a soft apology, running the cloth she was holding down her sword in a clean swipe. “It is important, though. Infections and all that.” Before Kit could respond with something sharp (but soft, in her own way), Jade wrinkles her nose playfully. “Also, Kit, you’re rank.”

Kit spluttered. “Well, maybe-” I like being rank. That wasn’t proper to say though, even alone in the armory with this not-quite-girl, hair like a fire and eyes like the earth (Not the dark earth that would grow things, though. Her eyes were like clay, almost red in their intensity, and sharp enough to cut sometimes, but stunning in its own way). Jade would also like to be rank, she thought, to stink of hard work, to slip on the padding and think This is where I should be, and it smells of my teeth-gritted anger to boot.

But she knew if anyone caught wind of the princess saying that she would rather march out of the castle in sweaty knight’s armor instead of spending her days balancing a stupid tiara on her pretty little princess head, her mother would have her head. She bit her tongue.

Jade was perceptive, though. Probably useful skill to have in a knight-to-be (Jade found that title too presumptive. Kit thought she should have more faith in herself.)

Jade let the silence sit for a few moments, exactly the length of two swipes of the cloth on the blade; one up to the hilt, and one back down.

“I do... understand. When I was a kid I barely showered on my own.” Jade didn’t look up, and Kit couldn’t look away. One orange curl fell in front of her eyes, and she brushed it away, leaving a smear of grease on her forehead. It curved like a crescent moon, like a blade slash, and if there was little more oil it would’ve bled like one, too. “Ballantine said I smelled like one of the stable boys, and I honestly found that to be high praise.”

This was... too close. Jade was her friend, probably, but sharing anecdotes with her wasn’t a good idea. She couldn’t understand her, not really. Jade was an orphan in a different way than Kit was half-orphaned. She wouldn’t understand how the armor was styled just a bit too much like her dad’s. Her mother said she talked, snapped, quipped in the same way he did, and she knew it wasn’t a compliment. But the armor felt like home, and so did the sweat, and the blood (there was a little bit in the suit, and a cut on ribs she would never show her mother, but she might show Jade, just to gloat about the scar).

Jade might be not quite a girl like she was but she wasn’t just a little bit her father’s son like she was. She didn’t need to know about that bit yet. 

“Uh.” Kit cleared her throat, and ran  a hand up her neck (her hair came in the way, she was thinking of taking the sword to it soon if her mother kept wheedling about how the braid was more proper). “I’ll clean it. Don’t worry about it.”

Jade wicked the last of the water off of her blade, then looked up at Kit. “Do you know how to?”

Jade laughed when Kit was quiet a little bit too long. It was a nice laugh, sharp and loud. It took up space and Kit liked that about Jade. Envied her for it, maybe. “No worries, Kit.” Yes, she prefers that out of Jade’s mouth much more. “I’ll show you how to tomorrow. We’ll need the whole day, I think.” 

Kit huffed, but Jade just laughed again, and she didn’t find herself minding being laughed at, for once.

[atsumuahh]

confession | dream x reader

( characters...

dream, reader, sapnap, george, karl, technoblade

( in which...

dream falls in love with his girl best friend, but his huge confidence seems to disappear when he’s around her. sapnap, george and karl get annoyed and begin to make their friend jealous.

( warnings...

swear words, jealous!dream, slightly hurt/comfort

( notes...

it’s dream x female reader, but i can make another ones :D!

you knew something was off. you used to hang out with clay a lot but recently he seemed like he was avoiding you. every time you tried talking to him, he would give you lame excuses for his behavior towards you and promised to be better. those times never happened and everyone but dream could easily see how much pain you were in. you just wanted to know what did you do wrong and have dream back.

but after all, it has its own advantages. you began to spend much more of your time with sapnap. he was making sure you didn’t get overwhelmed by the emotions it caused. even with sapnap on your side you couldn’t help distancing yourself from the feral boys. spending every single free period in the library became your new personal trait.

everything started on sunday evening. you used to spend those evenings with dream – he would come over after practice with a pizza box in his hand. you two would lay down on your bed, watching some stupid sitcoms and talking about literally anything till the sunrise.

you sat silently in your bedroom when karl called you on discord while he was playing with george, quackity, and some boy called technoblade. you had a feeling that you had already met before. techno was kind, lovely, and gentle especially towards you.

“are you free tomorrow?” he asked as everyone left the voice chat. “we could hang out after school”. his soft voice melted your heart and you just couldn’t disagree.

dream wasn’t one to be possessive, although he felt mad seeing you giggling around technoblade. you were his best friend, not techno’s and he couldn’t let you replace him. he could’ve handled everything, everyone but not technoblade.

“someone’s jealous?” sapnap teased amused as dream gulped while watching you and techno. his friend punched him lightly on the arm and shook his head. “you should’ve confessed, dickhead, now he’ll do it.” a small laugh left sap’s mouth and annoyingly brushed clay’s ears. you wouldn’t accept techno’s confession, would you?

“i’m not jealous. he’s just not for her. she’s too precious and- and gorgeous and generous... and funny, and sweet for someone like him.” he pressed his lips together. “she’s a luxurious treasure and he’s just a... just a greedy pirate that wants to steal her.”

“oh no, a pirate's reference” george rolled his eyes with a small beam forming on his pale face. brushing through his hair he noticed a quick, small kiss placed on your forehead by techno.

“there’s no fucking way. i’m going to kill him” he was in pure fury. the guy he hated the most was kissing his best friend, his crush, his... lover. and he couldn’t do anything because he was so afraid of confessing. he was afraid that she would notice the way he feels about her and she would reject him.

“chill, dude” sapnap rolled his eyes annoyed. “it’s your fault, dickhead. you have been ignoring her for almost a month.” sapnap has enough. “she’s been calling all of us crying and asking what she did wrong and why did you leave her. did you even think about how she feels?” dream couldn’t blame sapnap.

he knew sapnap was right, he was egoistic in every possible way. not even for a second, he bothered to think about your feelings. were you sad? happy? did you even care? he wouldn’t know that.

confessing isn’t an easy thing to do, but clay knew that this day was coming. he had to do it, if he wouldn’t confess, he would probably lose you, otherwise, you can always reject his confession and there’s a possibility for you to leave him.

it was one of those nights you two used to spend together. your parents let him in happy to see the boy again. you didn’t get a chance to explain to them the situation between you and clay. he knocked on your door before coming in.

“y/n...” he whispered, watching you play minecraft with some people and it felt like giving up. what if you didn’t want to be his friend anymore? what if you didn’t even like him in the first place? he wasn’t prepared for this.

“clay? what are you doing here?” she asked quietly, turning herself to face him. shock forming on her face made him feel even worse. dream knew he messed up.

“i came here to... to apologize to you.” he walked a bit closer. “i’m really sorry y/n... i know i fucked up, but i have an explanation, bad but still an explanation.”

“go ahead.” she responded hesitantly.

“i’ts dumb, foolish, stupid... i avoided you, because... i realized how much in love with you i am. i was afraid of losing you and i just couldn’t help but slowly distant myself from you. i-i know i should’ve told you but i-i was–” you cut him off by kissing him slowly.

maybe it was the adrenaline or something else that could boost clay’s confidence, but he immediately grabbed your hips as you kissed him and pulled you closer.

“you’re such an idiot, you know?” you asked with a soft smile, arms wrapped around his torso. “buuut well i might accept your apology if you kiss me one more time”.

[watchmegetobsessed]

The Hottest Avenger - Bucky Barnes

a/n: im warning you, i will probably not stop for a while with the bucky fics so... brace yourselves lol! also i wrote this before ep 5 came out so its placed in that time

pairing: Bucky X Reader

warnings: TFATWS spoiler, some violence? nothing extreme

word count: 1.8k

summary: Being locked together with Sam and Bucky brings the worst out of you, picking on each other constantly. Following an arguement Bucky accidentally calls you his girlfriend in front of Sam when your relationship was supposed to be a secret.

masterlist

“Did you fucking eat the last dumpling?” you accuse Sam, holding up the empty takeout box where you thought were one more dumpling, one you’ve saved for yourself, but now it’s gone as Sam is eyeing you with his mouth full.

“Thought it was mine,” he mumbles, his words barely understandable from all the food in his mouth.

Taking a deep breath you’re trying not to jump at his throat right then and there. You’ve been locked up together all damn day in the trashy apartment across the street from the building where’s Zemo supposed to be hiding. Sharon had a tip about a possible place where he might be found, but you’ve been waiting to no avail for now. You’ve been growing stressed and impatient. You lost track of Karli and her people and now you can’t seem to find Zemo either. If it wasn’t for the Dora Milaje, you wouldn’t bother to be so after the asshole, but Bucky said if Ayo finds him first, he is dead and every useful information he holds goes to the grave with him so now you are forced to look for him. One failed mission has been following the other these days, that incompetent dickhead John is on the loose too after murdering that man in front of civilians and you feel like control has slipped out of your grip a long time ago. Now you’re stuck with Sam and Bucky in this crappy place, waiting by the window, watching out for Zemo and on top of everything… Sam ate your last dumpling.

Just when you’re about to snap at him, you feel a strong grip on your shoulder. You don’t have to look up to know it’s Bucky right behind you, but not just because he is the only other person in the room beside you and Sam, but also because you know his touch probably more than anyone. Only that most of the times it’s not your shoulder he is gripping…

It’s been going on for a long time between the two of you. Started with just some innocent flirting and you never thought it would grow into something more significant, but it did. And now you are officially in a relationship with none other than the Winter Soldier, only that no one else knows about it and you plan to keep it that way. You don’t need the teasing and jokes and the Avengers are known to be dicks sometimes, especially Sam.

Glancing up your eyes meet Bucky’s blue irises and he sends you a look that says “just let it go”, and though every fiber in you wants to whoop Sam’s ass, you let it slip.

“Don’t tell me you’re gonna get mad about a dumpling,” Sam chuckles as he chews on the food that you should be enjoying right now.

“I can get mad about whatever I want to,” you growl back, growing quite irritated of him at this point.

“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” he huffs under his breath, clearly not as bothered as he should be. Before you could do any harm in him, you leave your spot by the window, needing a breather from… well, from him.

“Hey, it’s still your turn!” he calls after you.

“I need a break,” you growl back.

“Get your ass back here, we agreed to switch every two hours!”

“Sam! I’m walking out because I’m way too tempted to punch you in the face right now!” you snap at him, losing your patience. He rises from his seat with a hard expression, not quite a fan of the way you just talked to him, but you couldn’t care less.

“You think you could actually throw one? Because last time we fought you couldn’t really get a hold of me,” he narrows his eyes at you, coming to stand tall in front of you, trying to intimidate you with how much taller and stronger he might be, but you both know you’re a better fighter.

“It’s easy to talk with your fancy tech stuff. Why don’t we see who wins in a simple battle?” you challenge him with faked boredom.

“Guys, stop. We should be looking out for Zemo, not tearing each other apart,” Bucky tries to end the staring contest, sticking his metal arm between the two of you in case any of you decides to launch at the other one.

“Then tell her to stop bitching!” Sam nods in your way.

“I’m not bitching, I’m just fed up with your bullshit!” you spat back at him, leaning closer, your chest coming in contact with Bucky’s extended arm.

“Don’t talk to her like that, Sam,” Bucky warns him, but Sam snorts dryly.

“Don’t tell me you are taking her side, she is throwing a fit for a fucking dumpling!”

“I’m not taking sides, just trying to settle this stupid disagreement here,” he defends himself and you roll your eyes.

“You can’t tell me she is not overreacting it, Buck!” Sam laughs in disbelief, taking a step back, dropping the act that he wants to fight you. He probably knows he would come out as a ridiculous loser. “This is fucking insane, I’m not in the mood to deal with your shit, Y/N,” he shakes his head.

“Hey!” Bucky snaps at him. “Don’t talk to my girlfriend like that, okay?!”

“I’m just—wait, what?!” Sam’s eyes widen and you freeze too.

Your dumbass boyfriend didn’t just out the two of you, did he? What else is about to come?! Sam’s shock turns into a cocky grin as his eyes shift between you and Bucky.

“You guys… you guys are fucking?” he asks with a delightful laugh and you close your eyes sighing, already tired of his shit.

“That’s not—We’re not fucking, I mean… It’s not like that,” Bucky stutters, but it’s just making it worse. He looks at you with terror in his eyes, but you are way too drained to deal with it the right way.

“Yes, we are fucking! And we are in a mature adult relationship! Get yourself over it!” you bark at Sam before turning around and walking out.

You faintly hear the two men talk inside, but you don’t make out the words. You don’t go too far, sitting on the steps leading up to the third floor. Soon enough you hear the door of the apartment open with a creak and a moment later Bucky shows up in your sight. He sits beside you, remaining silent for a little before speaking up.

“Sorry for running my mouth,” he mumbles, his head hanging low.

“It’s… fine,” you breathe out. Bucky fidgets with his fingers and you know he wants to touch you in any kind of way as a reassurance that it really is fine. You don’t want to hold a grudge, it was an accident, you’re just a little bummed it’s not gonna be just the two of you anymore. Reaching out you take his hand, the real one that’s flesh and meat and you lace your fingers together as he peeks at you, still reserved and hesitant.

“Is it really fine or are you just bottling it up?”

“It really is fine,” you chuckle softly and leaning closer you kiss his scruffy cheek. “The only reason I wanted to keep it a secret is because you know how vickery the guys can get. I just didn’t want them to pick on us.”

“They do it because they are just jealous,” he smirks playfully, his shoulder bumping against yours.

“Yeah? Of what?” A soft chuckle slips through your lips.

“That I scored the hottest Avenger,” he replies smugly and you can’t help but laugh with your head snapping back.

“I didn’t know you were fucking Thor!” you retort and immediately see his smirk vanish from his lips as he stares back at you, not enjoying your joke as much as you are.

“Thor? Really? Not this shit again, Y/N,” he narrows his eyes at you. Back when you were just skirting around each other, you loved pulling his leg, joking about how much you are into the hottest Avenger, aka Thor. He never appreciated it, usually earned you a tight-lipped smile before he mumbled “Tarzan’s got nothing on me” before walking away, leaving you laughing like a hyena.

“Come on, you know I’m more into super soldiers,” you grin, leaning closer as he pepper his sharp jawline with more small kisses.

“You know, it’s not the best thing to say to your boyfriend when there are now about eight more super soldiers running around,” he huffs.

“But none of them has a metal arm,” you point out, finally making him laugh.

“So that’s your kink? A vibranium arm?” he asks with faked shock and you curl your arms around his bicep, resting your chin on his shoulder.

“How haven’t you realized yet?” you chuckle. Bucky turns his head until his lips can capture yours in a sweet, lighthearted kiss that makes you forget about everything that’s been clouding over your mind these past days. All the failures, the mistakes and chaos fades into nothing, because you have him and he has you.

Walking back into the apartment Sam stares back at you, neither of you entirely sure how to act after what just happened. He then grabs his phone from the dusty table before holding it up.

“I could order some extra dumplings,” he offers and you crack a smile shaking your head. This was his peace offering, both of you knows he won’t straight up apologize for the way he talked, but this is already more than what you were expecting from him. Bucky must have had a few words with him before joining you outside.

“It’s all good.”

The three of you get back to work, taking your previous spots, returning to the task on hand as silence falls on the room once again. You catch Sam glancing at you and the Bucky and you can tell he is about to make a snarky comment on your relationship. And just as he is about to open his big mouth, Bucky moves to silence him, but you’re faster. With a simple move you throw Sam to the ground, keeping him down with your hand wrapped around his neck.

“Don’t even think about teasing, understood?” you hiss at him as he gasps for air, his hands wrapping around your wrist as he tries to fight you off, but you hold him a second longer to emphasize the importance of your words. Then you finally let go of him and he coughs for air, fixing him up from the floor as you simply walk back to your spot by the window.

“Hottest Avenger, huh?” he breathes out, revealing that he heard what you talked about out on the stairs. “More like the Avenger with the most anger issues…”

You just grin, glancing over at your boyfriend who is now standing with his arms crossed over his chest, not even bothered by his friend’s struggles on the floor as he smirks back at you, nodding proudly as if he was saying: “That’s my girl.”

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

[belphies-cuhm-sluht]

Hello! I saw your asks open and i wanted to request some angst headcanons with dad!Asmo. I just read Luci's and oh man that sure hurt my heart, you write angst so well!

Unwanted (Dad!Asmo x F!Reader) ANGST

A/N : Mammon plays a really big part in this, just as Beel played a big role in the dad!Lucifer fic. It's never hinted whether they're together or not, it's kind of up to the imagination... but if you'd like, I can write a part two to this??? (I will also, to anyone who might want it, write a part two to the dad!Lucifer fic)

Word Count : 2.3K Warnings : pregnancy ; children ; maternity ; babies ; hinted abortion ; angst ;

He never wanted children, he didn’t want anything that would actually tie him down to anything or anyone. It wasn’t his “thing”, and you both had done everything to prevent it from happening. Up until now, everything had worked, there had never been one mistake, but the both of you got sloppy. There was a party, and… well, you loved him, and he had said that he loved you, and precautions weren’t a “thing” at that moment. One slip up, one mistake, and now everything was falling apart.

“I didn’t want this. I don’t want that.” He spat the words at you, pointing towards your stomach. He had only stopped pacing long enough to say it before starting again, walking the length of his room as he gnawed at his perfectly manicured fingers. You hadn’t expected anything different from him, but it still hurt that he was blaming the whole thing on you, as if it didn’t take 50/50 participation to make something like this happen. “It’ll completely ruin my image. A child with a human! It’ll be all over the tabloids, in every magazine… I can’t have that.” His behavior shouldn’t have been that shocking to you, but to hear just how selfish he really was, to know that he thought so little of you, it hurt way worse than you ever thought it would. One moment he was professing his love to you, and now he’s disgusted with you. It could have been that your emotions were running high from the situation, or maybe the hormones had just taken over completely, but you wanted to scream, you wanted to cry, and you wanted to fight him. “Your image?! This thing could kill me and all you care about is your stupid public persona… Screw you! I wish I never fell in love with you.” His eyes went soft, and for a moment you thought that maybe he’d apologize, maybe he was rethinking his own words, his actions, that maybe you’d be able to be a team to work through this mess. You were wrong, you were so wrong. “Wish all you want, we both know you’d have never been able to resist me.” Narcissistic, selfish, he was just awful. You closed your eyes tightly, trying to fight back the tears as you walked past him. He didn’t deserve your last words, he didn’t deserve anything. He didn’t deserve you.

The twelfth week was supposed to be the most exciting. It was when most couples would finally make their announcements, happily tell family and friends that they were expecting. Your twelfth week was a nightmare. You were trapped in the Devildom, human doctors wouldn’t know what the hell was going on if they delivered a child with horns, a child so angelically demonic that they’d probably call the hospital priest to your room as soon as they saw it. The only place where you’d be able to safely deliver a child like this and live through it would be in the Devildom. It’s not like you hadn’t tried to relieve yourself of the problem. You had gone to Lucifer, Satan, Barbatos, even Lord Diavolo, asking them if there was any way that they could just… get rid of it. Sadly, Asmodeus wasn’t just a narcissistic, selfish prick, he was also sadistic. None of them could do anything without Asmodeus’ approval since it was his child too. Every time one of them asked him, he would refuse. He didn’t even give a reason, he just wanted to see you suffer. Strangely, you had found comfort and solace in Mammon. You were pretty sure he was only helping because he still had a crush on you, but he became your emotional, mental, and physical support throughout everything. You had told him many times that he didn’t have to basically “fill in” for Asmo, but he insisted that it was the least he could do considering his little brother was being a dick. He wasn’t just your support at the house, he was… invested in the child that Asmo hadn’t wanted. He took you to doctors appointments, sometimes even getting in the way of the doctor as he pointed to the ultrasound screen. He was so excited that most people just assumed it was his kid, and he never denied it either. It was just easier that way, to go along with whatever the other demons said because he knew that any mention of Asmo would upset you and that was the last thing he wanted to do. Some days the both of you would sit on the couch in the living room, flipping through the pages of maternity books. He’d really try to understand the diagrams on the pages, but you could tell that he was confused and sometimes he’d even look up at you from the pages, and then down at your stomach, and then up at you, before looking back down at the pages. It was cute, and you’d giggle lightly, resting your head on his shoulder as you continued flipping through the pages. He had become the only person in the house that you felt like you could fully trust and rely on. Everyone else wanted to stay out of the drama, nobody wanted to get involved, but Mammon wasn’t there for the drama, he was only there for you, he was there when you needed him.

“Can you believe him? Can you believe both of them? We haven’t even broken up and they’re sleeping together, she’s even wearing his clothes. It’s ridiculous, and Mammon is out there playing dad with my kid.” Asmo sat on the edge of the counter, voicing his complaints to anyone who would listen. Sadly it was Beel’s turn since he was the only one in the kitchen right now. Most of the time the other brothers would just hide themselves away, not wanting to deal with Asmo right now, but Beel had gotten hungry and he really thought he’d be lucky enough to avoid his brother. “I don’t know what the big deal is… You didn’t want the kid anyway.” He wasn’t going to walk on eggshells around Asmo, he wasn’t going to lie to make anyone feel better. In Beel’s eyes, Asmo was completely in the wrong. “If Y/N is finding some sort of happiness in spending time with Mammon, who are you to complain? It stopped being your place when you said you didn’t want it.” He shrugged before grabbing his plate and going straight back to his room. He wasn’t going to continue listening to it, but he hoped that he had left Asmo with something to really think about. He walked up the stairs, going straight to the bedroom door, knocking loudly. He wasn’t going to stop until someone opened the door either. Mammon got up from the bed that you both had been propped up on, rolling his eyes as he walked over to his door, groaning loudly when he saw Asmo standing there. “Whaddaya want? We don’t need ya here… yer just gonna stress ‘er out.” He was trying to talk quietly, not wanting you to hear him or even know who was there. He was so protective of you, he wouldn’t let anyone else serve your food during meals, he’d even stand outside the bathroom door whenever you were in there just to make sure you didn’t fall or hurt yourself. Asmo pushed his way into the room much to Mammon’s annoyance. “I don’t care, Mammon. Y/N isn’t yours, and neither is the child. They’re both mine, and I’d like to have a word with her.” He said snidely, but Mammon wasn’t going to have it. Brother or not, he cared too much about you, he had worked so hard to help you get over what Asmo had done, and he wasn’t going to let him waltz back in and ruin everything. Mammon wasn’t weak, he was way stronger than he looked, and right now he was showing his strength, grabbing Asmo’s arm and practically throwing him out of the room. His teeth were barred and the growl that was coming from him sounded feral, animalistic, it was terrifying. “Neither of them are yers! I’ve been there fer everything, every doctor visit, I even bought a damn room fer the kid and she’s sleepin’ in my room, next ta me, and a next ta Y/N. Ya know why?! ‘Cause ya don’t jus’ get ta come back when ya fine’ly realize that ya fucked up! Now… leave us alone. We don’t need ya here.” He left Asmo out in the hallway, crumpled against the wall as he walked back into the room. “She…” Asmo kept repeating the word as he pushed himself up off the floor. He was having a daughter, and he hadn’t even known about it, he wouldn’t have known about it if Mammon hadn’t screamed at him. It was strange how knowing made things more real, it made him care more, and the worst part was that he knew it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to you. He didn’t know how to fix what he had done, but he knew that he had to try at least. “Lucifer…” “I don’t want things to be like this when she gets here. It’s not going to be long either.” You sighed, finally relaxing once more in the bed once Mammon got in next to you. “Why was he here anyway?” Mammon shrugged, focusing all of his attention on your stomach trying to calm himself. He liked watching it move, he thought it was neat.

The delivery was smoother than you thought it would be, and Mammon only fainted twice during the whole thing, so he did pretty good. Delivering a child in the Devildom had its perks, the main one being that you didn’t have to stay more than one day in the hospital to recover. They did some spell and you were completely fine. It was strange, but you appreciated it greatly. The only issue with the perk was that it meant you were going back home and that meant you’d have to face Asmo. She looked so much like him, and you could tell that Mammon was upset by it. Even though he knew she wasn’t actually his, he wished that she didn’t look so much like her father. Her eyes were his exact color, and it left you speechless when she first opened them, gazing up at you with wonder and curiosity. She was precious, and she was yours. As you walked through the door you were met with balloons and streamers, and Asmo. You heard Mammon growl quietly, and you quickly held your hand out to him, silently begging him to stop. He was holding the carseat and you didn’t need him to lose his temper right now. “I just wanted to welcome her home, welcome you home. I bought some things for her, they’re outside of Mammon’s door.” Asmo said nervously, and for once he was terrified of being rejected. “We don’t need noth-” Mammon had started, but you quickly shook your head, pleading to him with your eyes to just stay calm. He groaned loudly, eyeing Asmo angrily before walking past him to the stairs. “Fine. She’s prob’ly hungry… I’m gonna feed ‘er. Ya comin’ up?” You nodded quickly, making sure he got up the stairs alright before turning back to Asmo. “What are you doing, Asmo?”

He moved into the living room, waiting for you to sit down before he did, and he looked scared, he looked sad. Of course you didn’t like seeing him like this, but it was his fault, he had caused all of this. “I don’t want to be alone. I know that sounds selfish, that I’m making this about myself again, but I’m not trying to. When Mammon told me… he said she… It's a girl?” You nodded slowly and you saw his face light up for only a second before it left once more. “I was scared, I am scared… I didn’t know if I’d be a good… father. I never saw myself as one, but seeing Mammon, and he’s doing so well… I never saw him as a father either… I thought that maybe, since he could… that maybe I could too.” He sighed, bringing his hand back up to his lips to chew at his fingers again, his orange eyes glistening with the tears that hadn’t fallen yet. “I know that what I said was wrong… I was rude. I didn’t think I’d have a problem finding someone to take my mind off of everything, but I was wrong. I love you, and nobody else is going to take your place, nobody else can take your place.” You both sat on the couch in silence, his tears finally falling as he waited for you to say something, and yours building up as you tried to think of something to say. “This isn’t fair… You know this isn’t fair. You can’t… you can’t pick and choose when you want to be a dad. You weren’t there… and you made it very clear that you didn’t want her. I… I can’t do this Asmo… I’m sorry… They’re waiting for me… I-I have to go.” You took a deep breath as you stood from the couch, wiping your tears with the back of your hands as you started walking to the stairs. “Y/N…” He walked up behind you, grabbing your hand to stop you. You didn’t turn around to face him, you couldn’t bring yourself to do it, but he didn’t mind. He was actually thankful that you didn’t look at him, because what he was about to say was the hardest thing he’d ever have to say in his life. “I know that I’m unwanted… But… If I may… Can I meet her? Just once? Please?”

[nextdoorharry]

imaaaaagine a world like that..can you?

-

in which you and harry are exes, but still remain good friends when you’re always there for each other. both of you can’t help but reminisce…in your head.

a/n: super sorry i haven’t written in FOREVER!! been crazy busy with school (still am) and i will get back to the writing grind when i’m not as busy, with that being said this is just a quick thing i was thinking of. also, no hate to olivia and harry’s relationship at all. pr or not, both deserve respect and anything written in this piece is solely for writing purposes only. no hate will be tolerated toward an individual. we’re all human.

-

it happened when you were on your way home from dinner with your friends. a call from harry. this wasn’t out of the ordinary for harry to call you, being exes and all. you both apologized after the breakup and agreed that you both couldn’t let 5 years of love, being close with each other’s families, and a pet cat all go to waste. you agreed upon being friends with him. still hang out here and there after the breakup, acting all platonic. you can’t help but have a glimmer of hope its a call wanting to start a relationship again.

“hello?” you said, one hand on the wheel, other holding your phone.

“hi love, sorry s’a bit late, was wondering if i can come over. it’s about olivia.” harry says. still sending you butterflies when he said the simple yet warming term of endearment. but once he said olivia, your heart dropped.

she’s beautiful, confident, and makes your harry happy from what the tabloids portray. the last time you and harry spoke was before he went off to LA, filming for don’t worry darling, a movie his new lover produced. still a few texts since then like “happy birthday!” “congrats on the grammy,” or “how’s the cat?” you two always saved catching up for in person. it was just your thing you kept during the 5 year relationship and after. it keeps things more meaningful at the time, rather than texting or quick phone calls.

“ah, olivia. isn’t she my replacement?” you teased while laughing. you hear a burst of giggles from the other end of the line. god you missed hearing that everyday.

harry on the other end of the line, heart aches a bit hearing you say that. no one could ever replace you. ever. you are so special to him. if only it wasn’t for his team making it difficult for him to ease down on touring for a bit for you. you asked for one thing from harry, which was to start settling down. you both were only getting older and the talks of marriage and kids were frequently becoming the topic of discussion with family. a year and some after the breakup, which happened to be during quarantine, where he had so much time on his hands without you, he reflected on what could’ve been and how stupid he was for letting you go. you were always so patient with him. going to his shows, god awful dinner parties with industry people, changing your work schedule just to fit into his. you asked for one thing. and instead of fighting for you with his team, he instead sided with them, and let you go.

teasing not dying down, harry goes, “someone keeps up with me in the tabloids, eh?”

it’s the fact that he’s not wrong. you remember that tabloid very well. when the first pictures of harry and olivia came out in an article titled, “harry styles and olivia wilde new romance? is y/n replaced?”

your heart was hurting.

“of course i am. keep having to make sure my name is finally out their mouths.” you joke. “i’ll be home in about 15 minutes if that’s okay?”

-

you pull into the driveway already seeing harry sitting on your porch chair. he waves at you and you get out of the car, walking up to him. he stands up and greets you with a bear hug.

“missed you, y’look nice. where’d ya head out to?” he asked, hoping and praying you weren’t out on a date looking like that. he knows you only wear a red lip when its date night. his mind filled with jealousy at the thought of you with someone else. whereas he has no right being there are pictures of him kissing, cuddling, and whispering to olivia on a yacht in italy. all for the cameras. his stomach turns. that was supposed to be you and him. on a yacht on italy. except leaving the display of affection for the bedroom.

“on a date” you say blatantly.

his heart drops. and lets you go from the hug. lying through his teeth he says, “ah really? happy for ya, you have to tell me about it, hope it was with a good bloke.” he says lightly.

“i’m kiddingg, was out for dinner with friends. mel got engaged by the way! was celebratory dinner for her.” you say, unlocking the door, letting harry in.

harry sighs in relief. “that’s good! m’happy for her, pass on my congratulations.” harry follows you into your kitchen, sitting down on the counter stool, watching you making his favorite “calm down” drink, loving that you remembered how he likes it. he didn’t even have to ask you to make it. you just know its what he needs right now. he can’t help but ponder that it should have been you. it should be your friends out for your celebratory dinner for your engagement with him.

you pass him his tea, knowing he’ll only take a few sips of it yet keep it in his hold for warmth. you were on the other side of the counter across from him, making a mini cheeseboard you two can snack on while talking.

“so..what happened?” you ask, heart not ready if you can handle what he’s about to say about his new lover.

“s’just so complicated. originally it was supposed to be a pr stunt for the movie. but now i don’t know how the pr team messed up so badly but they did. no one is really believing it. everything was executed poorly. it sucks because it’s her team conducting everything which means i barely have a say in it. i look like the bad guy being portrayed as a home wrecker, and she’s not doing anything about it! s’like she’s enjoying it. the kissing, the night outs, etc. she knows that if my team did have a say, it would have been over a while ago.” he breathes out. he’s been wanting to rant to someone for so long about this. he also just wants you to know that he’s not into her. it’s all for show. he’s still all about you. he wants to make that crystal clear.

you nod your head listening to everything he’s saying. body feeling uneasy filled with jealousy when harry says she’s enjoying the intimacy they have to do for show.

“well, did you talk to her about it? or talk to jeff at least? there has to be something he can do..?” you ask.

harry sighs, “i’ve tried so hard. jeff said nothing they can do about it. and he’s telling me not to mess with olivia because her team can do more damage than good with my name. not that s’already ruined.” harry rubs his face with his hands, feeling stressed.

the way he’s acting is familiar to you. early on in your relationship, when you two were a freshly new couple, you guys wanted to be completely private. during that time, with harry and the band’s album coming out, his management made him do pr stunts like these. he was as stressed as he is now. you were so new to dating something in an industry. he didn’t want to scare you away. but you understood. you get it. and you still get it as he’s speaking.

“hmm..if i can recall, back when you had to do a stunt with kendall on the yacht, m’pretty sure it was the same situation. with kendall’s team being difficult, your’s not having much of a say. do what i told you back then, stand your ground, harry. tell olivia like you did with kendall. also kendall’s team at the time played dirty, yet they still were understanding with you and got someone new for a stunt. olivia’s team will probably get someone new as well. and how badly can they ruin your rep? everyone knows you’re the nicest person who wouldn’t kill a fly. and tabloids are tabloids. would you rather have a few bad headlines about you or would you rather deal with a stunt for what? another year now? that you feel uncomfortable with?” you state. smiling a bit because you know harry knows your right, he’s smiling a bit too. he knows you love being right and debating, pulling out facts. that’s what you always did during an argument. which is why you were always right.

man. why couldn’t he stand his ground with his team. why didn’t he take your advice back then? he should’ve sided with you. not his team. why is he always so scared of them?

self-loathing, harry breathes out a laugh, “always have to be right don’t ya? you know what to say every damn time,”

“what can i say? the lady is always right.” you say, smiling proudly while cleaning up the remains of the cheeseboard you and harry snacked on.

“thanks y/n, really, i know i can always come to you with this stuff,” harry states. looking at you with his piercing eyes, meaning every word he said.

you smiled and nodded, cleaning the kitchen a bit. it started to pour early on when you guys were having a chat about his situation, hoping silently it would come down faster so harry has an excuse to stay, you offer nonetheless. “why don’t you stay back for a bit, hm? s’pouring out there, only gonna get worse. we can watch something?”

“love island?” harry suggests.

“thought you’d never ask.”

-

few gasps and scoffs at some of the islanders and their drama later, you slowly were drifted off to sleep. harry, sitting on the other sofa from you, peaks to see if you’re still watching. his face was in awe. he misses this. domestic nights with you, chatting away eating in the kitchen, then watching something afterwards. only difference is that you two are on different sofas. whereas before you’d be coddled under his embrace. he slowly drifts off to sleep as well. rain still going on, technically he can still go home. driving in the rain was never an issue for him. but he’ll always use an excuse just to be with you.

-

iMessage: Olivia Wilde

1:34 AM - I miss you, and our casual hookups. Can’t stop thinking about it.

that was one part harry left out of the story. he hooked up with her.

-

ahhhhh!!!! lmk if you guys want a part 2!!!

[eloquent-vowel]

Hey! I have a request! Bucky x reader where the reader is from the red room. Maybe the avengers just got her out and Buckys helping her through the ptsd and stuff? Maybe she locks herself away to her room because she’s scared to do anything for herself? Also maybe some platonic nat? Sorry if that was too specific. Feel free to add your own ideas and change stuff or just ignore if you don’t like the idea! Thanks!

Hi! Thank you so much for the request, I'm sorry it took me so long, life has been evil to me and I may or may not have forgotten this blog actually had readers. I love me some good hurt/comfort. I hope what I have written works!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

When the Avengers had burst into the facility you had been kept in, with all the bravado of heroes you were shocked. You had heard whispers of these warriors that you were being trained eliminate. You had heard stories of the Black Widow who had betrayed the Red Room and while you didn't want to give yourself hope, a small part of you always longed to do the same. To be done with the endless list of missions and targets, to finally stop piling up the blood on your hands.

They had arrested you originally. You didn't blame them, you were one of the most active members of the programme, You had lost count of how many instructions you had followed, how many targets you had eliminated and you had no doubt that the Avengers had your face on their wall of targets.

That was why, when the Winter Soldier aimed a gun at your head you just knelt to the ground as you watched your seniors begin to fight the other Avengers. You didn't say a word in the carrier back to wherever they were taking you. It was easy to hide behind a bravado of stony silence, to pretend that your entire existence hadn't just been ripped away from you.

That was why, when the blank faces of the Black Widow and the Winter Soldier, stared at you from the other side of the interrogation table, you felt a panicked warmth creep up your neck. They begun to question you about the other facilities and to their surprise, you guessed by the way they looked at each other as you talked, you spoke truthfully and honestly to them. You told them everything you knew.

"If I can stop anymore becoming like me, I will. Everything I know is yours, I won't lie to protect something so hideous as the red room."

Because for as much as the red room tried to convince you otherwise, seeing young girl after young girl die by another girl was not right. Not right in the slightest. The more you saw of the world outside of the Room the more aware you became of this, so by the time it was to end, you promised to do anything to help the Avengers take down the remaining branches of the Black Widow Programme.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Around 6 months after you had been captured, you were settled into the avengers compound, much to your surprise. You had been there personally to help the avengers gain access to some of the branches and during those mission you had begun a strong friendship with Nat and a... a something with Bucky.

There was something about the gruff man that was so gentle that drew you in. The way his smile lit up when a certain song came on and the little dances he would do while brewing coffee made your heart flutter- despite how much you tried to convince it not too.

It was a nice life, in the compound, you mostly stuck to your room until you were asked to help on a mission, or if Nat asked to spar with you. You still had not gotten rid of the memories, however. These vivid memories haunted you, if you weren't keeping busy your brain would wonder to times before. To victims of the red room, and your victims, the ones you had killed.

Their faces didn't hover as much as their voices, every plea they made would ring in your ears whenever there was a moment of silence. They whispered from the corner of your room at night, nothing would stop them from filling the void of silence. This meant that sleep did not come as easily to you.

It was one of those nights. When every time you closed your eyes there would be nothing but whispers and your brain seemed determined to run through every memory you regretted. There was only one solution to these nights, a good cup of tea (with a splash of whiskey in). So you pottered over to the kitchen, footfalls naturally silent as you boiled the kettle. Tony probably had some fancy gadget that would do the whole process more efficiently, but the sound of boiling water was rather grounding.

Perhaps your focus on the water was why you didn't hear the figure walking up behind you until you felt a slight breath on your neck. Training and years of being on the run kicked into gear and you immediately whipped around to punch her assailant around the jaw, and kicked a foot out to trip them. The figure fell with a very familiar oof, one recognisable from training.

It was Bucky.

Oh god, it was Bucky. Kind, thoughtful, gentle Bucky who had probably come out to check on you. The same Bucky who made you coffee in the morning, that was now lying on the floor clutching his eye as you looked down at him. And then his face, his figure, was all your other victims. A woman in hospital garb, a man in a suit, a wife, a sister, a child. It was too much, you had to run.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bucky watched as they ran from the kitchen, he stood up from the floor as the sound of a door slamming echoed through the tower. He rubbed at his jaw, how could he have been so stupid. Sneaking up on someone who was struggling with PTSD and running on little sleep, he didn't think.

"You gonna get that?" Nat's voice was hushed as she offered him a hand up.

He took it, pulling himself up, pausing to think for a moment before walking hesitantly over to the door. He knocked as quietly as possible. He could hear the gasping sobs coming from the other side of the walls.

Nat hovered on his other side, staying within comfort radius in case she was needed.

"Heya Doll." Bucky started, as there was no sign of reply he continued. "You alright?" Still silence. "I'm sorry I snuck up on you like that, it was my fault, should've thought but as Steve would say, thinking ain't always my strong suit."

He caught the sound of movement, hesitant footsteps coming towards the door.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You managed to control your breathing enough to shuffle over to the door. You placed your hand over the door, where you imagined Bucky to be leaning. Guilt filled your conscious once more and the apology flew out of you before you could stop it.

"I'm so sorry, Bucky. God I am so sorry."

"It's fine, Doll."

"No, no its not!" You were practically yelling at the door now. "I hurt you. What if one day I kill you? You catch me with a knife in my hand and I jump, what then. For crying out loud I can't even make a cup of tea without hurting someone, I can't do anything. I'm sorry, I am so sorry that I'm so useless and I-"

"Hey, hey, hey breathe." Bucky's calm and even tone halted your rant. "Listen to me. Everyone of us has had moments like that, we all have our demons and those demons sometimes cause us to lash out. I've done worse than punch Steve many times, would you call me useless?"

You sniffed as you shook your head, forgetting he couldn't see you.

"Besides," He continued, "We all have our strengths, we all have our weaknesses but you know what's great? We are a team. Where one person can't make a cup of tea, another can make the best brew in the country. You don't have to face these things alone, Doll. We are all here for you, I am here for you, always will be."

You slowly began to open the door as he spoke, and looked up into the most sincere pair of blue eyes you had ever seen. There was a slight bruise coming up below his eye but he was smiling. He was doing that smile that meant his eyes crinkled, twinkling brightly- like stars.

"I'm sorry, Bucky."

"You don't have anything to apologise for, Doll, but you're forgiven."

You crept forward, reaching out for something, someone and the easy smile that filled your face as Bucky's arms wrapped around you in the most comforting hug you had ever had. You felt the faint echo of lips against your head and you gripped onto him tightly.

"You two are adorable."

The two of you separated slowly at Nat's voice. Not completely, there was still the comforting feeling of Bucky's hand against your back.

Nat's face was softer than you had ever seen it and there was nothing but understanding in her eyes as she spoke. "If you ever need someone to talk to come knock on my door. I know I would have loved to have someone there who knew."

Words caught in your throat as you nodded. You were soon wrapped in another comforting hug from Natasha, the scent of her perfume comforting and warm. The way forward would be hard but you knew that with these two by your side, your family, things would be a little easier than they had been.

[ac3id]

Puppy Girl | 18+

pairings: dabi [ touya todoroki ] x female! reader. 

summary: dabi takes his puppy whore for a walk. 

warnings: pet play, public, humiliation, dubcon, sex toys. 

wordcount: 1.8k |

navigation

It was starting to become a recurring event. He had promised you it would be a one-time thing but lately, he was pulling you to the park naked with him every other week.

 It was a simple bargain the first time. You listen to him and indulge in his deranged, lewd fantasies and he lets you live without a dog collar attached to your neck for a week. 

You were hesitant but the thought of being able to live as a decent human being with at least a small amount of respect even if it was just for a week; was tempting. 

Soon it became a currency. Months after months you’d spend your one day with him, totally humiliated and degraded just for the rest of the week to go by a little easy, and every time he would push your limits even further.

The very first time he took you outside with a leash attached to the collar around your neck was appalling. You were terrified, there was no speck of arousal within you. Dabi had guaranteed you’d find it hot, you just didn’t know before because you had never tried it. But honestly, showcasing your sexual adventures to the world was surely not your kink. It was his kink though, and you didn’t have a choice.

You and Dabi didn’t have the most organic relationship, if it weren’t for the fact that he had brought you to his home with a blindfold and zip lockers around your wrists, you could have at least tried to talk to him about this. You were just his pet. His cute, little, stupid puppy, too dumb to think for herself. No wonder you got caught by him. 

After the Hero-dominated society fell and Shigaraki took over, Dabi was quick to find you and take you away as his little captive. It made many headlines; Previously a brave Hero, now a slave to the evil Dabi.

You never read them though, he wouldn’t allow you any communication with the outside world. It was just the two of you. 

“Da-Touya please, I don’t want to go out like this,” he insisted you’d call him Touya, it was a beautiful name- his real name. It still shocked you, Dabi was the first son of Endeavour. The universe sure had its ways. 

“What’s wrong doll? You look pretty,” his slender fingers caressed your face. He was admiring your form; naked beside the pretty bondage belts wrapping your body, the nipple clamps pinching your hardened buds, the vibrator pushed deep within your cunt, vibrating at such a painfully dull pace, and the pretty tail butt plug buried deep in your asshole.

 With a pair of dog ears fitted over your head along with black thigh-highs decorating your legs, you looked perfect to him; ready to fuck, he dolled up his fucktoy beautifully.

“I don’t want to walk out like this,” you whined. He told you he was going to take his dog out of a walk earlier that day, stupid for you to expect it would be an actual dog.

“You don’t get to decide that, puppy,” he whispers, his nose touching yours his hands pet your head as you are an actual dog.

 “Just be good for me, like a good girl,” his voice drops, his tone gets deeper and serious. “Or do you want to get punished? I’ll send you to the timeout room,”

You freeze at the mention, you still remember the day as clear as yesterday. You were acting up, getting moody, and crying. Pushing him away and screaming at him, Dabi had the patience for a while, and then, later as punishment he let a nomu twice your size fuck you, destroy you. It was still fresh in your memories.

 “No, please-”

“Good girl.” he praises, kissing your lips lightly before tugging on your leash. He looks back at you one last time, watching your feet wobble as you try to walk with both your holes tightly stuffed. It was cute, he liked watching you suffer.

 His eyes roamed your figure, stopping at your thighs. He could never understand why but those stockings which you wore got him going.

 Shigaraki had suggested he should put those on you, he was reluctant at first knowing that his boss is far worse than him but in the end, he took the advice. And, God, he does not regret it. 

“C’mon cutie, walk faster.” he tugged on your leash again and you almost fell over, the vibe hitting a deep spot within you. You cry, drool escaping past your lips. “At this rate, we’ll reach the park after sunrise. Do you want everyone to see you like this?” 

It was currently 3 A.M. Too early or late for anyone to be outside their houses, it was the perfect time for Dabi to his whore out for a walk.

 “We are going to be walking?” you ask in shock, you were sure you wouldn’t be able to make till there without blacking out. “Yes, we are puppy.” he hummed and with a smirk, he pulled on your leash again. 

The walk to the park wasn’t long, barely five minutes but since you were dressed like a slut- no. Not even a whore would let a man do this to her, even a whore would have more dignity than you. You stumbled, the vibrations turning extreme as Dabi messed with the controller. 

“Keep walking,” he commanded.

 “If you fall, I'm not letting you up. You’ll have to walk on all fours like the bitch you are,” Rude remarks from Dabi were nothing uncommon, he lived to degrade you but what haunted you was the way he said them.

 He did not hide how he felt, his face displaying his exact expression. He was always smirking or smiling while talking down to you, he thought it was funny. The ever-persistent smirk still lasted on his face as he watched you try your best not to fall with the vibe fucking your cunt unforgivingly. 

You follow behind him, your thighs pressed together trying to ride out the overwhelming pleasure. Dabi hums the tune of some familiar song that you can’t figure out in your current state. 

Your clench around the butt plug, the stretch still burning in your rear. Moans and whimpers fill the silent night as you lose yourself, the air is warm. It’s summer still, everything around you is silent and dark.

“You might want to keep your voice down.” Dabi starts, his eyes scan a bench. He’s thinking of fucking you on it. Despite the countless times both of you have gone out like this, Dabi has asked for nothing more than a blowjob. But today, he is feeling brave, and besides, your moaning, whimpering, and those cuteass ears and tail have got him going. 

“What if someone sees you here like this, do you want everyone to know how much of a slut you are? Walking around naked at a park like this, do you want them to know you have no shame?” 

Instead of answering you cry. You cry while cumming, the overwhelming pressure which kept building in your abdomen finally bursting. Dabi looks back at you, disappointment was written all over his face. He watches your juices drip down your thighs as you lewdly moan. He clicks his tongue,

“Didn’t I tell you something about cumming without my permission?” He did, a long time ago. You don’t even remember, “‘m sorry,” you cry in a small voice. He glares at you, his blue eyes dancing with furious flames. 

You feel small under his stare, “That’s no good.” He growls 

In a swift motion, he pulls your leash, dragging you next to him. He pushes you on the bench, your naked body hits the slightly cooler seat making you shiver. Dabi feels his jeans tighten when he watches you fall on the bench, displaying your pretty ass to him. Your cute, little tail sticks out between your ass making him groan. 

You turn your head around to Dabi and see him staring at your ass. Taking this as your chance you quickly apologize. 

“I’m so sorry, Touya. I didn- Ah” you get cut off with a slap to your ass. “Dogs don’t talk. Bark for me,” 

Your eyes widened in shock and fear, was he serious? By the look of his face, you could tell he was joking, but there was no way you were actually going to bark for him. Another slap falls behind you shutting you up. 

“Bark.” His voice dark, filled with authority and dominance does make you feel like his little. A tingle of pleasure travels down your spine and in a weak, timid voice you start barking for him. Your cries are quiet and soft, you don’t want to be heard by anyone and the last shreds of your dignity don’t let you raise your voice any higher. 

“What’s that? Are you a puppy? Quit barking like a girl,” Dabi scoffs at his own joke. 

You feel the buzz come back, the vibration which had paused singing back to life. You squirm on the desk, the position you stayed propped against the wooden seat uncomfortable. 

Dabi picks you up and places you on his lap, his lips pressing against your neck leaving butterfly kisses and his hands wrapped around your waist he makes you sit through your second orgasm. 

“These look needy,” his finger inches towards your hardened nipples clamped between the metal. They stand stiff and ready to be played with. He rubs over the buds causing you to moan out loud. Dabi chuckles. 

“Keep barking, baby. You’re a greedy, little puppy with an even greedier, little cunt.” He chuckles in your ear before lightly biting your earlobe. 

You feel yourself reaching closer, the vibe resting tightly clenched between your velvety walls brings you towards your edge. 

“You close, baby?” he pets over your head while his hand travels down your navel. He cups your pussy, his fingers playing with your slit. 

“Woof.”

He laughs, he is not oblivious to the fact about how pathetic this makes both of you look but he 

can’t help it. 

It makes his dick hard. 

His fingers graze along your dripping cunt before settling on your stiff, little pearl. He flicks your cute clit and you cry. Your insides clenching and your mind going crazy, Dabi keeps rubbing onto your clit until you cum.

You let out a loud moan as you feel slick running down your legs. The pressure finally bursts and you see heaven. Dabi still holds you close to him, wrapping his arms around you dearly. 

“That’s the second time you’ve disobeyed me, puppy?” he rasps in your ear and you freeze. The state of ecstasy that you had found yourself in, finally fading away. You open your mouth to speak but Dabi shuts you up by shoving his fingers into your mouth. 

“You’re being a little bratty these days, it’s time we let you in ‘timeout’, right?” 

Your face pales and stomach. 

You cry for forgiveness hoping Dabi would reconsider but we all know, he doesn’t give second chances. 

[buckyownsmylife]

woman’s world - chris evans smut

The one where Chris pisses you off during a panel, but then finds a way to apologize

Warnings: age gap, famous!reader, oblivious Chris, smut, unprotected sex

Chris’ P.O.V.

The panel had gone well, or as well as it could go when everyone was trying to push the idea of Y/N and I together. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to pursue something with her - quite the opposite in fact. I was completely infatuated with the young actress, but the problem was just that: she was young. Too young for me, probably. So it was becoming harder and harder to deal with everyone commenting on how great we would be together when it was already all I could think about, and there was nothing I could do to make it come true without looking like an absolute predator.

Still, there was no denying that my favorite part about this particular press tour had been getting to spend time with her. She was just the perfect company, especially in a situation like this, which frankly could easily become tiresome and irritating. She just had this way of being able to read me and know what I needed, so she’d easily take over when she noticed an interviewer was getting on my nerves or overstepping some boundaries. 

She was quickly becoming my favorite person, but unfortunately, the rest of our cast had noticed as much. And so that meant that for the last day or so, I’d forced myself to pull away from her, deliberately sitting as far away as possible and not even glancing her way whenever there was a camera around. I even managed to have a quick reaction when the panel moderator joked about us being the perfect couple, and I was proud of how my cry of “She’s a kid, for God’s sake!” had made everyone laugh, even my friends who had been keen on insisting I should ask her out. 

So needless to say, I was in a good mood. Such a great mood, in fact, that I’d decided to ask Y/N to come back to my room so we could grab a beer and watch some movies. Asking around for where she had gone, someone pointed in the direction I thought I’d seen her head to, and after a couple of seconds, I managed to see her in the middle of the sea of people. Then it was just a matter of smoothly dodging everyone trying to lure me into pointless conversations and then she was already within ear reach. 

Or so I thought, at least. I tried calling her name countless times, but she didn’t look back once. In fact, she even quickened her step, and soon enough I had to physically run so I could follow her into the elevator that could take us to the floor where we were staying. 

I didn’t think too much of it, considering she probably thought I was someone else and was doing the same as I was: trying to dodge anyone who wanted to make us stay a bit longer on the crowded floor where the convention was taking place. But then we were inside the elevator and she didn’t even turn to look me in the eye. 

More importantly, when I reached out to rub my thumb on her wrist, to signal that I wanted to hold her hand, the response I got was a harsh, “Is this your way of subtly hinting that you want to hold my hand? Because it’s quite cute, but I’m not in the mood for that at all.”

The attitude caught me by surprise in such a way that I was only able to snap out of it once the elevator’s doors opened, but before I could ask what the fuck was going on, she had ran out of it, walking towards her room with determination.

Oh no, she wouldn’t. There was no way I was letting her hide in her room, angry at me, when I didn’t even know what I’d done wrong. I sprung into action, running after her and managing to hold the door just before she was able to slam it in my face.

“What’s going on?” I cried out, pushing my way inside the room as she just stared up at me with hurt eyes and a pout on her lips. “What did I do?” Y/N huffed, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms while looking away from me, before I managed to pull her closer by her wrists when I pried her arms open again. “Talk to me, c’mon.”

She glanced at me with furrowed brows, quickly averting her eyes before looking back again with an unamused expression. “You’re really gonna act like you don’t know.” Anxiety coursed through my veins at a scary pace. It was clear that I’d hurt her, but I had no idea how!

“I really don’t know!” I cried out, begging her to answer me, so I could make this better. I couldn’t bear the thought of offending her, of possibly losing her… and her friendship. Since that was all I could get from her, I was gonna fight with everything to keep it. “Please, let me make it up to you.”

For a second, it seemed like she would relent. But when her eyes met mine again, it was clear that whatever she saw on mine reminded her of the reason that she was mad, because just when I started to smile, she caught a second wind, pulling her hands from me and turning her back. 

“I don’t know why you’re so adamant about making me feel better. I thought I was just a kid to you.” And then, suddenly, it made sense. Flashes of what had happened not even an hour earlier played in my head, this time her face being the focus of it all. Perhaps it wasn’t perceptible for everyone else that her smile faltered when I shouted that idiotic thing, but to me it was.

To me it was, and still, back then, I didn’t see it. I chose not to see it, because I was so scared to deal with the truth. Instead, I ended up hurting her. And that was literally the last thing that I wanted. 

“I-I’m sorry,” I immediately offered, raising a hand to scratch the back of my neck. “I just… I didn’t want them to start creating any narratives about us two together, you know? I mean… You know how they can get. And I can’t be… We can’t be... associated… like that.”

I knew I had screwed up even before it became clear that she wouldn’t answer. Despite how cautiously I’d tried to phrase it, it ended up sounding weird even to my own ears. And when she didn’t turn around to look me in the eye again, I didn’t know what else to do. I felt myself deflating, my heart beating desperately against my chest, terrified of losing her simply for being my stupid self.

“C’mon… You know what I mean,” I breathed out, trying to approach her and resting a hand on one of her shoulders, but she simply shook it off. “C’mon, Y/N, don’t be like that.” I made myself flinch with just how poorly I was handling that situation.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I didn’t know what to do or say. Don’t be like what? “Like a child?” I asked, my tone icy enough to layer the tension in the room with one more level of awkwardness, and I didn’t need to see Chris to know that he was a mixture of nervous and confused, at the very least.

I knew it because I was, too. I was completely thrown off by my own behaviour, as weirdly as that sounded. I didn’t know why I was so defensive, except that I did. I did know it, I just didn’t want to admit. 

“Well, this child wants to be left alone. I’ll talk to you later, Chris.” And I stormed off into the bathroom, only stopping to take a breath when I was sure the door was locked behind me. I needed to put some distance between myself and him, otherwise I was gonna lose it - even worse than I already did. 

But it was too late to keep on ignoring my feelings. I was forced to deal with the reality of them, at least with myself, since I knew - especially after today - that there was no way I would ever get to reveal to Chris that I’d fallen for him.

To him, I was just a kid, and that’s all I would forever be.

Weirdly, I didn’t feel like crying as I took off my clothes and stepped into the shower, decided to wash away all of the bad feelings that this day had brought me. I just felt… disappointed, like a kid who’s been dreaming about a Christmas present only to find out they’ve been given socks. I’d been hopelessly trying to ignore my feelings for Chris, but at least a small part of me still fed into the ridiculous idea that he could possibly reciprocate those sentiments.

Now that it was obvious it would never be the case, it was like a small part of me had died on that stage.

By the time I got out of the shower, some twenty minutes later, I decided to put on a loose shirt I had kept around from some ex and take a nap until it was time to be social again. Certainly my friends would want to hit the bars or at least grab some dinner, and it would provide me with the perfect occasion to apologize to Chris.

Yes, that was perfect. That would get me a few more hours where I could manage to fabricate some resemblance of control before I had to see him. And then it would all go back to the way it was: me, pretending I don’t have a crush, while he kept seeing me as a kid.

I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn’t even notice the massive body hidden beneath the covers in my bed until I went to uncover it so I could slide in.

“What the hell are you doing here? Get out of my bed,” I chastised, but Chris only gave me those annoyingly effective puppy eyes that had me groaning. “No. You don’t get to do this. I’m still mad at you, go to your room and we’ll talk about it later, but for now, just let me wallow in peace.”

But still, he didn’t let up. I tried to climb on the bed, but he was now smack down on the middle of it, still pouting with those perfect full lips of his. 

“Get. out. of. the. Bed.”

“Not until you tell me what I can do for you to forgive me. C’mon, baby girl, just let me make it up to you.” When I didn’t answer, making sure to avoid his eyes, he simply reached out and grabbed me by my hips, forcing me to sit on his lap. “Please?” He quietly begged, one hand cradling my face while the other maintained its grip on my hip. 

The movement had caught me by surprise, and my mouth fell open as I realized that because the shirt had ridden up, I was sat panties glued to Chris’ jeans. And if that wasn’t enough to throw me into a ridiculously horny state, the fact that I could feel just how hard he was certainly did.

“C’mon, sweetheart. Don’t be shy,” he pressed, and my eyes snapped up to meet his, finding a hazy lust that reflected mine and a very, very naugthty smirk that didn’t help my current about-to-get messy situation. “Tell me how I can make it up to you.”

I could hear my heartbeat in my ears as I took a sharp inhale, thinking about what I was about to say. Could I really do this? Should we even do this? I still wasn’t completely sure about what the hell had happened, but one thing I was certain of, and that was that I really wanted him to, “Kiss me.”

For all the reservation I expected Chris to have about this, he didn’t hesitate a single second before pulling me to meet his lips, and it was everything I thought kissing him would be like. His lips were soft and as patient as he seemed to try to be, there was an undeniable edge of neediness in the way his tongue swiped my bottom lip, begging me for entrance.

“You’re not gonna let me in, honey?” He whispered against my lips, warm breath making me shiver in his arms before I was able to gather my thoughts.

“I don’t think you deserve it.” I shrugged, but by Chris’ teasing smile, I knew I had just given him exactly what he wanted. In a quick move, he had me sprawled on the bed underneath him, while he hovered over me with dark eyes that I never thought I’d get to see outside of my dreams.

“Let me show you why you’re wrong.”

Chris’ P.O.V.

I started by rubbing the outside of her thighs until she opened her legs enough for me to settle in the space between them. I paid close attention to the way her breath hitched even with the softest of touches, incapable of stopping the grin that made its way into my face.

“Fuck, you’re so fucking sensitive, baby.” She whined as I lowered myself to replace my fingers with my lips, slowly making out with the delicate skin of her inner thighs. “You see? This is why I was scared to reveal my feelings for you. It’d be so easy to ruin you.”

By the way she bit on her lower lip, I knew I had reached my goal of making her even more bothered with what I had said, and slowly, I ran my hands up her legs and grabbed her hips to pull her further down, closer to my mouth. I ran my tongue over her lower lip, just barely gathering the excess moisture, and despite how clearly affected she was, Y/N managed to grab my hair and whisper, “I think you’re full of it, Evans.” It made me smirk, but before I could even offer a comeback, she just continued, “But even if you’re right… I’d like nothing more than to be ruined by you and only you.”

A sharp inhale later and a competition of stares, I pounced on her, devouring her little pussy like I’d wish to do so many fucking times before. She was sweet, but her moans were even sweeter, and the combination of sounds and taste and smell only served to intoxicate me, make me even more thrilled about finally having this gorgeous woman underneath me.

As her juices dripped from my jaw on the bed, she kept caressing my head, keeping me closely connected to her like I would ever dream of stepping away from this moment. I wanted to stay right here forever, away from people’s judgements and the overwhelming fear that she would think this was a mistake after it was over.

And right here, as my nose brushed her clit as I plunged my tongue as far as it could go inside her hole, she came right before my eyes, her honey dripping onto my tongue as I came up to toy with her clit before at last parting with her taste.

“You’re so fucking sweet,” I pointed out, stealing her lips with mine so I could share her taste with her, so she’d know I was right. “You’re sweet all over. Shit, I really want to fuck you.” My voice became nothing but a whisper, and soon her hands were cradling my face, thumb playing with my bottom lip before I sucked it. It was true. I craved to feel her from the inside, know what it was like to possess her in that way, too.

“Then fulfill both of our wishes. I really want to be fucked by you.”

Godfuckingdamn. This girl was just perfect. I knew right then, I’d made the right choice by deciding to stick around. When she appeared wearing nothing but that shirt, I forgot all of the reasons that were holding me back from simply taking her, and even now, they didn’t seem all that important anymore.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“Your wish is my command.” I heard the words and braced myself to finally feel his cock inside of me, but still, the second that its head managed to fit, a long, drawn-out moan revealed just how impossible it was for me to restrain myself as Chris stretched me open around his member.

“Fuck!” Chris shouted, and it surprised me so much that it made my eyes widen as I stared up at him, hands still holding tightly on his muscular shoulders. “Sorry! Sorry.” He repeated as he bottomed out, forehead resting against mine as he seemed to catch his breath. “I just… I imagined your moans, but hearing them is a completely different thing altogether.”

The sentence had butterflies flying in my stomach and the reality of the situation suddenly hit me. I was lying in bed completely naked with a still fully clothed Chris Evans on top of me, and his cock was filling me in ways I’d never been filled before while he kept releasing these breathy little moans that had my heart skipping a beat every damn time my mind registered them.

“Good to know I’m not the only one who has been dreaming about this,” I settled for whispering in his ear before sucking on his earlobe, and a shiver passed through his body, making me giggle.

“Yeah,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss me quickly before deciding to do it again. “But I’m even more glad that this is actually happening right now.” What could I add to this? I didn’t think there were any combination of words possible. So I resigned myself to feel it, memorize every single thing about this moment when Chris started to pull out only to push back in again. “Let me take care of you,” he whispered, and in that moment, I’d let him do anything to me, just as long as he kept fucking me like this.

His thrusts felt like waves washing over the shore, bringing the tide of desire higher and higher and I could feel it reaching the point where it all changed, the point where my life would turn upside down because I would know what it felt like to cum around Chris’ cock, and the anticipation was enough to have me writhing on the unmade sheets of the hotel bed.

“Shit,” Chris chuckled, and I opened my eyes to find him staring at me with a soft look on his. “You’re unbelievable, sweetheart.” I could see the desire in his darkened pupils. I was sure it mirrored my own. “So beautiful, and you take my cock so well.”

Hearing him talk dirty was everything I’d always wished for, and I could feel myself getting even wetter around him, whines and whimpers escaping my chest as I held him closer to me.

“Fuck, I really wanna buy you a collar with my name on it. Make sure everyone knows I own you now.” The words, paired with the warmth of his breath had me clenching around him, and I fucking melted when I heard him meanly chuckle at my state - the state that he had caused me. “You want it too, huh?”

I really, really did. I’d never been one for external marks of possession, but something about this, about Chris and I, really had me going crazy for his proposal. Maybe because a part of me thought he would never want to admit this had ever happened. I thought he would try to deny it, and so to hear him wishing to boast about it… It really had me going crazy under him.

“Say it.” His voice cut through the haze, making me realize I was actually about to cum again. It took me a while to understand what it wanted, just enough to have him ordering again, in a tone of voice that made every single part of me tingle, “Say you want everyone to know that you’re mine.”

“I do. I want everyone to know I’m yours and only yours, Christopher.” I don’t know if it was the desperation in my tone, my use of his full name or the fact that I came again, but that finally had him losing the control of his movements, quickly pulling out of me and jerking himself off until his cum was painted all over my stomach.

For a second, it was only our labored breaths in the bedroom, staring at each other like we couldn’t believe this had really happened. “Still think I’m a kid?” I had to laugh, biting my lower lip while trying not to show that I actually was really nervous about his reaction now that we were done. But his eyes softened, a quick kiss deposited on my lips before he cradled me in his arms, cum and all, and answered, “You’ll always be my little girl. I just want to do some very adult stuff to you.”