#and i am very sorry to dissappoint this person

[fennelwasp]

Sleepy morning

[silversainz]

Hi, I have only now seen a prompt list, god all of them are amaizing it was very hard to choose.

But I was thinking 28 “I’ll fuck your pretty mouth, so shut up”

And

15 “nobody, not even him, could fuck you like i can”

So my idea was, after Monaco, Charles is pissed and dissappointed and he just needs to let off some steam. His girl is nowhere to be found and then he sees her chating with Lando(or someone else, I don’t know how you feel about him, but with penalty I thought it would fit well) or congratulating him on points

So he decides to punish her right there in his drivers room, when she finally makes her way back

# warnings — jealousy-sex, choking, fingering, p n v, dirty talk.

He was pissed steam practically coming out of his ears as he took off his helmet throwing it to the side while undoing the zippers to his suit. Another home race and they fucked me once again Charles thought as he ignored everyone in the garage, too pissed off and needing someone or something to blow off some steam he carried on his back.

He walked around the garage looking everywhere for you, people looked at him like he was crazy for shouting your name. But he didn’t care, you needed you badly.

“Where’s y/n” he sternly asked one of the engineers who only pointed to the mclaren garage where he swore he could hear your laugher from all the way over there. He wasted no time in running over to the mclaren garage, jaw clenched, chest heavy with tension.

Upon entering the mclaren garage he finally saw you standing there in the middle of the garage talking with lando, out of people fucking lando. The one person he couldn’t bare seeing at the moment. He scoffed rolling his eyes as he walked over to you.

“Y/n” you turned around eyes wide as you saw his red face and clenched jaw. “What are you doing here” he spat out sending a glance towards the mclaren driver.

“Was congratulating lando?” You simply said, hearing lando chuckle hand on your lower back. Which Charles saw and that made him grab onto your arm tightly stealing you away from the hold of lando. “Love, you okay?” you probably shouldn’t ask that, knowing full well what happened with his home race. But even at that, you’d never saw him this angry before.

“No” he simply said, a yelp falling from your mouth as he pulled you out of the mclaren garage.

“See you soon y/n” he heard lando shout which only pissed him off even more. He pulled you around like you were a doll, dragging you through the Ferrari garage going towards his motohome. Where he shoved you into the home, making you whine out in pain as his grip on your arm only tightened up.

“Okay Charles, let me go” he didn’t. Only pushed you up against the wall lips crashing onto yours in a rough and sloppy manner. His hand slipped underneath your sundress fingertips messing with the hem of your panties.

“No talking, or I’ll fuck your pretty mouth, so shut up” you moaned feeling him push your panties to the side before pushing two fingers in your cunt. “Was supposed to be by me, but instead you were with him” you gasped back arching as he brutally slipped his fingers in and out of your wet hole, cunt clenching around him made him dryly chuckle.

“Needed you so badly” his hand that was grabbing onto the wall for support made its way towards your neck, cold and rough hand wrapping around your pretty throat tightly. “And i had to find you with him” your eyes rolled back, head hitting the wall with a thud.

“Charles, fuck, I’m sorry” you choked out, legs closing around his hand as he hit that one spot that had you seeing white. “Am so sorry” he pushed his fireproof down, hardened cock hitting his abdomen as he hoisted you up, ripping your panties in half.

He angrily pushed inserted his cock in your cunt, not even caring to spear you a second to breathe. Your nails scratched down his back, loud moans and grunts filling up the room as his cock slipped in and out of your cunt.

He tugged your dress down freeing your breasts, his mouth immediately catching the nipple in his mouth sucking on it, before latching down with his teeth. The pain sent a wave of pleasure down your body. “Fuck, fuck, Charles” your hand threaded through his hair harshly tugging on it as you felt him bite down on every inch of your breast.

“Nobody, even him, could fuck you like i can” you nodded, head empty and too dumb to think about the words he was spitting out, only could focus on his cock hitting your walls so good it left you breathless and gasping for air.

“And next time” he ducked his head in your neck lips brushing over the shell of your ear. “Don’t even think about going to his garage”

[short-black-diamond]

Hi im not sure if you like him but could you do bf hcs for luna from blue lock if thats okay? Thank u

ok I think he's a side character?? Wasn't he in world five...?

Ok I'll try my best!! also I don't think I will ever do headcannons, I prefer writing stories, love. I hope that's okay with you :D

---

Bf headcannons with Leonardo Luna !

Okay, to start off, I think you two met verrryy randomly in Spain. He gives me the vibes that he likes fish very much, and so, you two met at the fish market.

I can just imagine following scenario:

Loud voices were heard, where people either yelled "Everything on slae!", "Don't you dare drop that!", "Moooom!?", and "Come here, try things out!" (->I heard that from personal experience.)

Amidst the people selling and bying, kids running around, and elders sitting somewhere and chatting, Luna went to his favourite fish shop. There, he saw a dilemma.

A pretty person, you. His cheeks took on a rosy hue the longer he stared at you, but when the seller yelled at you to scram, you yelled right back.

"My family are patrons in this shop, and never got any one of us treated that way!", you exclaimed. And in the next moment, an elder looking man stepped in, with a mean snarl towards the new employee before catching sight of you.

"____! What a surprise! How's college?!", he yelled happily as he strutted towards you to hug you. You hugged him back with a frown.

"College is good, but not that new employee you hired.", you stated, glaring at the guy. He started to sweat. Next to Luna were two elderly people who only shook their heads in dissappointment.

"It's always the same with that boy...", the first one muttered, and the other one chimed in. "Yes, the boy thinks he's so high and mighty by working here that he's forgetting his place."

Luna kept looking at the scene, also at the types of fish.

"What?! What did you do this time, boy?!", the elder man explaimed, gritting his teeth at the younger man. You looked at the boy in arrogance.

"He can't even cut the fish properly. I told him to not cut off the head, but he did anyways. He also didn't riü out the spine. And now, he wants me to pay 50 Euros for cutting a 500 gramm light fish. That is simply ridiculous and disgraceful."

"That's it, you're fired!", the elder man exclaimed. "Pack your things and leave!"

You smirked at the outraged expression of the clerk who left. "I'm so sorry, ____. He's always been a pain in the ass...and now I don't have a helping hand..."

Luna and you spoke up at the same time. "I can help!"

You looked back to the guy in surprise. "Wait, aren't you...?!", you started, thinkin, and Luna shook his head in worry.

"Ah, nevermind."

Luna let out a small breath of relief. He loved going to these markets, but he hated getting recognized. And he also loved the fact that you didn't call him out.

however, he held his breath again when the owner of the shop looked at him with a frown. "Wait...I know you...!"

"Y-yeah...?!", he asked, hoping that tha man wouldn't say anything about him bein Leonardo Luna.

"You're also freqzent visiter, aren't you?! So you should know how to cut fish as well! If not, than our ____ here can help!", the man explained, and Luna sighed again.

"Two new workers instead of one!? That would be great!", the man exclaimed again before he told you two to meet him again after giving you both your fish.

Okay, and here would be where they are getting to know each other.

"So, you love going to this fish market, but you don't like getting recognized...", you muttered, feeling sorry for almost blowing his cover.

"Yes. I really do. This market is particularly close to the ocean, so that is a huge plus when you want fresh fish."

You frowned at him. "But, do you even live here in the area? And why do you even need that job?", you asked as you were sharpening the knifes in the kitchen with him.

"I know that I am actually filthy rich, but I wanted to work somewhere else besides playing soccer. And I love fish, so I'm glad I got a little part-time job here.", he answered with a smile.

You nodded in understanding. "My name is ____ ____ by the way."

"That's a cool name! Do you actually work to pay for college, or..?"

"I got a scholarship, but my family is in slight debt. If I work here for a few weeks, then we can pay everything in no time."

...

And through the smell of fish, hands filled with blood and some of the fishes eggs (y'know these orange or black or red little balls), you and Leonardo grew closer.

You two shared some funny stories as you sold the fishes, and your harmonized teamwork made the atmosphere in the shop wonderful, making people want to visit more and more.

And then, on the last day of Luna's workday, he asked for your number. "I..I really like you, ____. And I'd like to stay in touch...", he muttered shyly.

you blushed, but you gave him your number nonetheless. "call me soon. Tell me when you're done travelling...I'm gonna miss you, you know?"

And since then, you were alone with your chef, the owner of the shop. He became like a second father to you, and he also teased you for not confessing first.

"I didn't know when the right moment was, Tio!", you exlcaimed. He only laughed. "It's never the right moment with you younglings! I'm glad he confessed though."

Suddenly, a person stepped in. It was a cold winter day, and you were still cutting the fish. "Hey ____.", Luna said as he took of the scarf which covered half his face.

"Luna..?!", you whispered. You ran towards him and hugged him, but you didn't touch him. "Sorry, I'm covered in fish...", you muttered, but Luna didn't seem to mind as he held your with fish-blood smeared face and kissed you gently.

"Finally!", the owner yelled in happiness, and the customers were surprised.

...

Long story short, Luna led you to many restaurants, flew around the world with you for a bit, and you two got together.

He was such a gentleman. Gifting you expensive looking flowers, buying you some of his merch after he saw you with a Loki Keychain (he's still pissed abt that) and overall was a very gentle lover.

When he'd be tired from work, you'd be there to cheer him up over the phone, or whenever he did a surprise visit, you'd either massage him, or cuddle with him.

He doesn't really know how somebody like you could be together with someone like him at first, because he couldn't control his usual arrogant and sacrastic self. But, it turned out that your sarcasm rivaled his and you were just as arrogant as him in certain aspects.

He loves it when you are being arrogant and sarcastic to the haters in the comments, and he always laughs when you tell him what they answered. He loves it when you comb your fingers through his blonde hair, and he always leans into your touch with a smile.

He enjoyed spending time with you, and he hopes that he can someday be more than just your boyfriend.

---

Sorry if that wasn't what you requested, because writing for side characters is actually tricky...

But it was fun to write, and I hope it was okay for you.

Read you in the next post!

[reneewalkersbiceps]

NO I TOTALLY AGREE it was soooo. sterilised. considering they had gay sex (im the anon that asked btw)

like the book is not perfect but there is a LOT its missing in the adaptation. they really just completely nerfed most of the female characters. they entirely erased alex' sister june (who had a big part of both the plot and impact on his character). bea had so much depth that they judt completely took away. Who is this woman in sundresses and kitten heels thats literally not the bea from the book in any way!!!! and nora too is so much more. Rounded. in the book

and they took away rafael luna (first gay hispanic senator in the book) and kindof gave most of his role in the first act to miguel. and the choice to make MIGUEL the person that (is implied to have) leaked the emails is. hoenstly it left a horrible taste in my mouth. the jealous gay hispanic guy outed him? really? when in the book it was the republican who was running against his mother? you gave that role to MIGUEL INSTEAD? it really. really pissed me off like its a very very different story to the book while still being the same premise

and the book is a lot more explicitly anti monarchy too. i mean it isnt really. its bery bare bones what if the prince was sad bc the monarchy was bad :( but it IS 10x what the movie gave us. in the book they visited tipu's tiger in the v&a which is a tiger eating a european soldierband henry talks about how his mum used to say that the tuger was angry bc her great great great great grandfather stole the statue and she thinks they shld give it back but gran says they couldnt (the book has a queen instead ofna king). and like. when i read it i was like yeah this is bare minimum anti monarchy at the end if the day it was nothing revolutionary. but. the film. man. it gave NOTHING.

man i am so sorry i didnt mean to write so much it got away from me. but. yeah. very dissappointing movie

i’m glad you can shed a bit more light on the discrepancies and issues book to film because i haven’t read the book so obviously i’m a bit ill-informed in that respect! it sounds like the book (as usual with adaptations sadly) had a lot more depth and was a lot more fleshed out, i definitely would’ve liked to see more depth in many of the female characters!

i’m now so mad that they cut what seems like a very important character (rafael luna) for the ‘i don’t like this person so i’ll out them’ trope :(

also, as a brit who is incredibly anti-monarchy (which i do understand may bias me a bit) i feel like they verrry much played it safe in the representation of the british monarchy in the film and it sounds like the author went in a bit more on it in the book?? i really despise the monarchy for many reasons so i think most depictions of the monarchy will fall short for me though to be honest.

all in all, sounds like the book is much better so maybe i just went wrong in terms of watching the movie before reading the book (a fatal mistake 😖)

p.s. i love getting an in-depth ask to my inbox, please don’t apologise for your passion and feelings about something! x

[mir-mape]

lil ramble about hnk, and me, and change, because it's 1:20 am and i can't bear to be alone with my thoughts so i'm going to scream into the void of the internet for comfort

hnk is a story i started reading a few years ago. i didn't get past the start. sooner this year, maybe around january or so, i gave it another try, and i finished all the available chapters in the span of like two days. And i think i did so because it's fundamentally a story about change, and as a dumb child about to start college, i really need a story to cling onto that deals with that topic

don't expect me to make a lot of sense, but like,, i've always struggled with handling change. i've always been the top of my class, mom and dad's pride, the friend you can always rely onto at any given time to help you with anything. so if my life's been that great why on earth would i want to change who i am. people already are happy with who i am. changing anything about myself is unnecessary at best and an inconvinience for everyone at worst

and so when adolescence hit, instead of trying to figure out who i was, it became a game of balancing what i wanted to be and the image other people had of me that i couldn't let go of because i didn't want to disappoint them.

then the lockdown happened, and turns out having a lot of time for myself without having to take into account anyone else was really enlightening (albeit also very maddening). that and also my closests friends now have helped me realize that if i ever want to be happy, i really need to start accepting that i'm no longer who i was as a child.

But that realization didn't "cure" me of my fear of change and dissappointing people around me that knew that old version of me. I was scared that being the person I wanted to be would inconvenience them, and they'd want back who I once was, and would I really be loved then? Like, of course my close friends and family would still love me in some way or another, but everyone else? How would I go on with life knowing I had everyone's approval and I threw it all away?

I went on an impressibly long personal tangent there and I'm sorry, but going back to my relationship with houseki no kuni—

phos is like. the completely opposite thing to me. they want to change for other people because they don't feel like they're good enough as it is, and i want to change for myself, but the fear of no longer being good enough for other people has always stopped me. And tragic as hnk is, it somehow manages to give me a bit of a cathartic feeling.

i'm terrified of change. i'm going to uni in like, what, two weeks? i'm going to live independently from my parents. i'm going to meet new teachers that know nothing about me and don't expect anything from me. same goes for my new classmates!! i can make new friends that could love me, and not old me!! it's a whole change of everything!

it's literally the opportunity that i always strived for. and yet i've spent the whole summer with this heavy feeling in my chest because gosh im TERRIFIED of growing up. what if i become nothing but wasted potential. i fear that i've spent so much of my life trying to live up to my older self that i no longer can make decisions in benefit of my own, current self

and yet... it's a bit like little phos, isn't it? i've always been alone with myself, and i will always be alone with myself. and i'm taking this out of the hnk story context, but I, myself, is the only person that I can assure will always be with me. So I should always be by her side in whatever she needs.

Hnk is an interesting story with incredibly complex character arcs and story,,, and yet, I feel like I will always hold it dear to me not only for that, but mostly because of it's core concept of change. This summer's been a tough one for me, I overthought my life way too much, and hnk has managed to bring me a strange comfort in the middle of all that. In the middle of the pain of becoming, as the last comic/fanart I reblogged before writing this post (accurately) called it

[potteresque-ire]

Hi! I have been reading your posts and responses to anonymous and I am inclined to comment on your broadly realistic views and detailed analystic answers and let us not forget your ability to be warm in putting forward your opinions. I am truly a huge fan. Thank you for being a station for various answer seekers.

If you have time and patience, please elaborate on the situation GG is still facing post 227. Recently I read various comments insinuating GG copied DD for Douyin night which is absurd but the implication that only one party is still being targeted unnecessarily raise hackles of a lot of solo fans. And I, under any circumstances, DO NOT believe the involvement of the other party. Firm believer of BJYXSZD.

My point is what is being done to stop these antis from targeting GG. Since one of the motive to target GG is to severe the relationship of GG and DD, IMO at least. Does constant attack (external stimulus) on GG (belittling him by comparing him to DD) may have the possibility to effect their relationship (internal reaction)? Objectively yes, but given your perception of their relationship, what is your opinion in this matter, however subjective it may be?

Moreover, how much extreme and sometimes irrational analysis done by bjyx community can lead to harm to both of them especially GG?

Also, I have seen DD being the captain of BJYX in various circumstances but also throwing off people from their old predicted/maintened theories especially in case of Kadians. I am not sure how much to trust these 'candies' since he has a reputation of not giving a f*** of others opinion. So why would he post GG related or non-related content with same kadians. I mean if he posts private content with GG related kadian then why post promotional content with GG related kadian. Does it imply that kadians are related to GG or not or he doesn't care and we are thinking too much. I am not sure what I am writing now, maybe multitude of thoughts poring out here. I am extremely sorry for that.

I do not know whether people believe or not but 1st post by GG yesterday had initials YB in the circle. Not at all explicit, and depends on believers but I felt like he was just trolling BJYX, it may be good naturedly but after his promotional brand picture of shrimp in bunny's hand. I do not know I just felt, dissappointed/bitter/unsure about all of this. I think it is normal to feel this way from time to time even for SZD because along with emotional investment we have rational perspective which is necessary to scrutinize evidence(maybe) from time to time.

I whole heartedly apologize for writing an essay length ask, this is the reason I wanted your patience 😅.

If any other blogger wants to add or comment on this please feel free to do so. Your suggestions are highly welcomed. 🙏

Hello Anon!

I take it that your questions about safety are concerned about the behaviour of c-solos and c-turtles? International fans aren’t likely to put Gg and Dd at any risk. That said, however, frequent fighting among i-fans would likely drain Gg and Dd’s international fanbase, as many fans do not enjoy being a combative atmosphere (I, for one, will run away as quickly as a turtle can run!). Lost i-fans can’t be easily replenished, whether they’re turtles or solos ~ The Untamed, as a foreign language show so beloved that fans are willing to scale tall language and cultural barriers to understand it, isn’t something that comes around often. (stanning Gg and/or Dd does take a lot of work!)

About the arguments. I probably only know about a fraction of them since I do not interact directly with fans outside Tumblr . As far as I can tell, however, recent arguments among c-solos and c-turtles have been ordinary fights, and also, fairly “bi-directional” between the solos (ie. I don’t think Gg or Dd has been relatively exempt from attacks compared to each other). 

These arguments can be heated and some of the attacks may sound vicious, but there’s nothing much to worry about from a safety angle, as they haven’t caught the attention of those outside the fan circles.

The theorising by turtles are also not inherently dangerous. c-turtles have mostly been careful about keeping their discussions among themselves. The only risk it may lead to in the future, that I can think of right now, is the associated YiZhan content on China-based websites (ex. Bilibili, Douyin), which has become fairly plentiful. YiZhan candies used to be relatively obscure given the guidelines of CP fans to keep them among themselves (they call this practice 圈地自萌, literally, drawing a circle on the ground and have fun in it by oneself). These days, however, anyone who’s curious can get a good sense of YiZhan’s story by browsing Bilibili. 

This probably contributes to the continued growth of the turtle population; however, some of this content is created by non-turtles who seek viewership and have little concern over Gg and Dd’s safety. They are the ones who re-upload the BTS, for example, despite the repeated pleas and warnings by the “站姐”s—the superfans who take/purchase these videos—as well as the turtles to not do that. If these content creators go overboard, there’s a possibility that YiZhan content may get caught in the government’s “Eradicating Pornography and Illegal Publications”（掃黃打非) movement. The movement originated in the mid 2000s, and its recent waves have been used as pretext to remove LGBT+ and BL content on line (I will eventually set up a post re: those events). Just last month (2020 Dec), Bilibili has been explicitly named by the government for hosting questionable materials, which means it’s already under scrutiny. Sweeps performed on an entire website are usually broad-based enough that no specific individuals are targeted; however, the government also encourages, with financial incentives, the reporting of specific content and has set up a dedicated website for doing so. While all YiZhan content has no direct relation to Gg and Dd, removal of such content may cause an over-reaction from fans, which can, in turn, lead to accusations of poor fan management by Gg and Dd. Most people will also assume the YiZhan content to be created by turtles.

(Another example of how an alleged turtle mis-step can get the YiZhan fandoms and Gg and Dd tied to the 掃黃打非 movement: a few days ago, a Weibo post showed a photo of a hardcover version of an explicit BJYX fanfic, reportedly sold for profit, and GG haters were calling for an arrest for “illegal publication.” So far, there’s minimal noise on the issue, so it isn’t something to worry about. It can also be fake news, which is so bountiful on the platform and on every aspect of daily life that most die a very peaceful, very well-deserved death.).

Whether fan arguments / theories may affect Gg and Dd’s relationship (assuming they’re in a relationship) … my guess is, not much. Gg and Dd are busy people, unlikely to closely follow their fans’ discussions. Again, I expect effects to be felt only if the arguments get out of hand ~ as in, if they begin to involve the public and/or the government.

As for the question about what is being done to stop Gg being targeted: fan wars are incredibly common in China (as in everywhere else), and Gg and Dd’s aren’t special in that sense ~ it’s just that as turtles, we know about those surrounding Gg and Dd and they feel significant to us. No individuals can stop a fan war ~ all we can do is to not join these wars ourselves.

Personally, I think the international fan base of Gg and Dd, as solos and cpfs, have more chance to achieve peace than its Chinese counterparts — if they choose to want that. Popularity in China is not only quantified (which is likely true everywhere, by marketing departments), but very visibly so. Sales numbers, votes, traffic attributed to each idol are frequently released to the public, possibly to foster competition among fans and drive these numbers further upward. c-turtles’ demonstrated strong performance in pushing these metrics has made them a target to those who wish to have usurp their consumer power. They, therefore, have good reasons to be wary of anyone who try to sway them from their “turtle-ship”, whether to turn them into solos or to lure them into an entirely different fandom. The swaying messages are also not always obvious, not always a direct “your cp suck”.  They can be subtle, many even come from netizens who appear to be fellow turtles, who may say “oh, maybe we (turtles) are wrong” or “we have to be realistic; Gg and Dd will never look at each other publicly again”—messages that cast doubt and sink morale in a fandom that’s already running an uphill battle. Remember: traditionally, CP fandoms are not expected or welcomed to last, and solos have been happy to (correctly) point out that the BTS, the origin of the most solid “evidences” of BJYXSZD, are getting older by the day. c-turtles can’t expect anyone else to help defend their ship if something happens, given CP fandoms’ lack of respectability, given YiZhan being a real person M/M pairing that is often frowned upon. So it’s understandable, to me at least, why c-turtles are on guard, and occasionally, clash with those who they feel may be trying to take away what they love.

i-turtles, I feel, don’t have that many reasons to fight. We don’t really have other fandoms (for example, the up and coming danmeis—the adapted BL dramas) vying for our attention (and wallets). No one can put an expiration date on the YiZhan communities except ourselves.

Another way to see this is: we—as in, the combined Gg + Dd international fanbase, the solos + CPFs—are lucky in a way the fans in Gg and Dd’s home country are not. Collectively, we’re much further removed from the pressure to perform as fans, which is immense in China with their fan circle culture and fan economy. i-shrimps and i-motorcycles ~ some of you are reading this, I think? (hello!) ~ here are my humble thoughts: the solo/turtle ratio of Gg and Dd’s international fans doesn’t make much of an impact on Gg and Dd’s star status, on the popularity metrics that matter. Our spending power is limited outside China’s borders, and while Gg and Dd likely love us equally as fans, our adoration for them doesn’t really matter much, if at all, to the production/media/commercial companies that control the trajectories of their careers. 

Along this line, the turtles’ “double loyalty” doesn’t have much of an ill effect, because there are few popularity contests here that mean much; few times (if any) when the turtles must face the dilemma of whether to vote for Gg or Dd because only a single vote is allowed; few situations where they have only x amount of dollars and must split it equally between Gg or Dd’s endorsements. There’s also much less cause to worry that i-turtles may draw the attention, or ire of the Chinese government ~ the whole international fanbase is too far away, too spread out to destabilise the regime in any way.

What the turtles do have in common with you, the solos, is their knowledge, their love for Gg/Dd. Knowledge, in particular. The people who know about Gg/Dd are still far and in between—at where I am, at least, and my guess is, it’s likely true for many of you too. Think of the turtles as people who you can talk to about your favourite star in places where few people know about him, can help promote The Untamed  far and wide—many people still haven’t heard of the show, and they deserve to.

For the turtles ~ no one can take away our turtle-ship identity, as long as we don’t give it away. No one can report on the our communities to the government and get them dissolved. Our votes, our spending habits are no one else’s business but ours here.

So, Anon, here’s what I think, and these are all very personal opinions, very personal decisions on how to navigate fandom …

I truly hope that we, as the international fanbase, can try to use this luck that we have. Make our communities not mere copies of their (combative) Chinese counterparts but something different, something with our own flavour, something with more peace and less fighting.

Specifically, I see little cause to try to persuade/dissuade anyone to be a solo/turtle. I find them… not the best use of time. Why? Because frankly, neither solos nor turtles have a better grasp of who Gg and Dd are. Neither solos nor turtles have a truly good grasp of who Gg and Dd are. These discussions are therefore bound to end up with more ill will than conclusions, since both sides are short of facts.

We’re all short of facts as audiences, who’ve all only seen a tiny sliver of who Gg and Dd are as human beings.

I don’t mean Gg and Dd’s star image is fake ~ it’s just that, their star image is their “work face”, and even I, a lowly turtle, must act somewhat differently in my own office. It’s part of being professional.

Gg and Dd’s star image are their professional face, and no professionals worth a salt truly ignore other’s opinions, especially when the profession is being an entertainer whose job is to face and hold the attention of the public. 

This is true for Gg; this is true for Dd.

Social media accounts are also part of Gg and Dd’s professional face ~ whatever is posted on there will be scrutinised by millions of fans, and they know that. The posts do provide some insights about Gg an Dd’s personalities, but they can’t be expected to show a complete picture. No parts of these posts, therefore, whether it’s the content or the kadians, are sufficient evidences for / against any aspect of their personal lives (especially as private an aspect as their romantic lives). Anon, you mentioned promotional marketing materials, and here’s my understanding of them ~ ambassadors such as Gg and Dd have minimal control over their design. The shrimp-holding bunny you’re referring to, for example, is very likely provided by the company.

However, may I also add this? Please try to not think of the shrimps / motorcycles as enemies of the turtles. Millions of people are behind each of these labels, and true for any group of this size, a fraction of its members are bound to be annoying. A small fraction may be awful, even. But they don’t represent the entire group. The shrimps are not only Gg’s fans, many of them have supported him longer than any turtle (since turtle-ship can’t be older than 2018); they’re also the reasons why Gg is in the industry ~ they voted for him in X-Fire. Likewise, a subset of motorcycles have been with Dd since UNIQ; they were there when the Korean ban effectively dissolved his group; they stuck with him when he was attacked for taking on the role of LWJ.

We’re all Gg and Dd’s fans, if you ask people outside the fandom. Remember: few outside China understand why heated arguments can occur between a bunch of shrimps, turtles and motorbikes. (It sounds a bit kafkaesque, just typing it out.)

It’s important not to lose sight too, that Gg and Dd’s social media accounts, where many new candies are found, primarily function as bridges of communication between them and their fans. These accounts do have different degrees of “professionalism” ~ Weibo and the official accounts being more formal, and Oasis, Douyin being more laid back and intimate; still, they all serve similar purposes. They’re not candy generators, or a script Gg and Dd have an obligation to follow to confirm / refute BJYXSZD.

Also: these accounts are accessible and watched by the public, not all of whom are friendly to Gg and Dd.

Re: Gg’s drawing on Oasis. He used the account as it’s intended for—to interact with his fans (the caption of the first draft was an unspoken invitation to shower him with ideas) and maybe, to show off a little (it was a very nice piece of artwork ~ a comment that I, sadly, haven’t seen much of). I doubt he posted his drawing because he wanted fans to carpet-search for traces of Dd in it (even though he probably expected that would happen); I very much doubt he posted his drawing because he wanted his fans to fight over scratch marks or black dots.  

If these fights keep happening, I can imagine a possible outcome. He’ll stop showing us his drawings. His social media accounts will become less and less personal, as they already have.

I’ll share with you my thoughts about candies too, while I’m at it. These are probably not-so-popular opinions, so please take them all with a grain of salt.(Salted caramels? 😊 )

I haven’t looked at why candies are called candies, but I find the name appropriate for how I think of them ~ candies are 1) neither evidences or truth, 2) sweet, 3) treats (non-essential, not like the main course).

The first point is, perhaps, the one I try the hardest to keep in mind. There are posts out there claiming the candies as made-beliefs—generated from edited pictures or videos, exaggerated translations, and their interpretations forced by “guidances” in the annotations/narration. There are also posts claiming that turtles are deceivers, or have been deceived by brainwashers who maliciously created these make-beliefs. A turtle may assume these posts are all lies, all made by antis. 

But, speaking turtle-to-turtle, I’d venture to say this … there’s some truth in the *first* statement. Many candies do, indeed, taste different if their taster returns to the original source—not necessarily unsweet, but less sweet. Candies, remember, are generated by fans like you and I. Same for c-candies ~ they aren’t endorsed by Gg and Dd, aren’t necessarily closer to the truth just because of the relative proximity of their birthplaces to their leads. 

Candy generation is The Tradition of CP fandoms. It’s a celebrated skill, and who doesn’t want to generate a candy that will be talked about, that will be part of the BJYX canon, for as long as the fandom lasts? Some fans are, therefore, also more … efficient in the “marketing” of the candies they generated — in persuading others that their candies are evidences, the truth. “Guidance” photos and videos (which pinpoint the place to watch, sometimes with appropriate sound effects for emphasis) have come about that way, and because they’re easy to digest—especially where language barriers exist—they end up spreading to i-fandoms.

These photos and videos may look more professional / trustworthy, but they often have an additional layer of subjectivity ~ on top of the already subjective opinion of what makes a candy. Translations (of BTS, fake rumours house content etc) also introduce a subjective element. Word choices can significant modify the tone of a conversation; speakers of different Chinese dialects may also have different interpretations of the same phrases. Example: I, as a non Chongqing/Sichuanese speaker, can guess the literal meaning of the “puppy” term Gg used for Dd — 狗崽崽 (gou zai zai) — but I also had to rely on others to tell me how endearing the term is; me being a Chinese speaker actually doesn’t make my interpretation any more valid, or authoritative, in this scenario, because my dialect doesn’t use this term at all. 

It doesn’t mean the people who’ve put in the work have any less-than-good intent; the vast majority of them come from a place of deep love. It’s just that we all carry our own perspectives, and as fans, our strong emotions in our fanworks.

This is why candies are often insufficient as good “points” for arguments, why they fail to convince non-believers, sometimes to the disappointment of some turtles. As evidences, they aren’t objective enough; they’re also often touch upon the assumption that’s mark the fundamental difference between solo and cp fans — the assumption that Gg and Dd are (not) together. Take, for example, this segment from a (polite) ask I got from an anon solo:

All the matching clothes, jewelry, shoes etc. Stopped being valid candy when I realized that the brands have popular stars "endorse" their products. The lightning pendant? Other actors have also worn it. Does that mean they are in a 3-way with (Gg) and (Dd)? Probs not.

Solo anon was correct! Brands have star endorsers, and other entertainers have, indeed, worn the same lightning pendant. The implied argument is also valid: people who don’t care about, don’t even know about each other can wear the same things. Most of us do that on a daily basis with our mass-produced garments.

However, a counterargument can also be made to the statement above, and easily: even the most precious, most beautiful wedding rings (say, from Tiffany!) are not exclusive to the first RL couple who bought them. It doesn’t mean the first RL couple is sleeping with all the couples who bought the same rings afterwards, doesn’t mean those rings aren’t significant to every one of these couples as romantic mementos. More often than not, couples wear matching things not because these things are exclusive to them—because how often can one find things that only exist as a single pair in this world? They wear matching things because they want to see something on themselves that remind them of their significant other and so, as long as the things aren’t so prevalent that everyone is wearing them, they can already serve their purpose.

But you see, Anon, that arguing over this would’ve been a waste of time? Because the solo came in with the assumption that Gg and Dd were not a couple, and the counterargument was made with the assumption that they were. The pendants alone are insufficient to prove either side correct or wrong. No one knows why those pendants ended up on Gg and Dd’s necks, except Gg and Dd and their teams. If I were to argue with anon solo, we can go on and on and on until we’re both left with bitter tastes in our mouths and WWX-red in our eyes, and forget the one thing that really matters: we’re both Gg’s fans.

(We could’ve spent the time talking about how that scene in The Wolf with Ji Chong throwing Zai Xing in the water is ❤️.) (I can’t believe the script waited 30+ episodes to do it. 😂)

This leads to my second point, Anon. Candies are meant to be sweet, and they’re meant to be sweet for you. In Chinese, a term for an expert candy person is a 嗑學家 (the candy-eating in CP fandoms is called 嗑糖 (ketang) ～ with 嗑 ke denoting a specific form of eating that requires breaking something open first with teeth—such as watermelon seeds; a 嗑學家 is a 嗑 (ke)-ologist). A 嗑學家 isn’t someone who can recall the longest list of candies, or spread the most candies around, or convince the most people that the CP behind the candies is real; they are those who can find their own candies in a source material, and be overjoyed by the sweetness of their discoveries without outside help. To me, at least, this term encapsulates the subjective nature of candies ~ what’s right for you may not be right for me and vice versa, and that’s perfectly all right. In other words, there are many candies out there but you’re not required to believe in all of them; instead, you’re free to choose candies to your own liking, compose your own version of the BJYX canon that you love, that you find sweet.

Wait, but you may say. Doesn’t that make my canon fantasy? Yes and no, because candies are based on real events. They’re interpretations, which sit somewhere between reality and fantasy. They’re like … opinion shows on news channels.

But what if I need to convince people of my canon —

Your “opposition”’s canon is as fantastical, and as real as yours — maybe it isn’t, but neither of you have a way to prove it one way or another.

Wouldn’t solos call me delulu, or clowns?

Maybe. But one step outside the fandom, and all of us fans—solo and cpfs—are delulu, clowns.

(That’s why while I’ve used the cpn label, I haven’t called myself delulu, or a clown. Anyone who thinks I have the truth about the love story about a pair of idol I haven’t met from thousands of miles away … the joke’s probably on them, don’t you think?)

Of course and again, Anon, this is only my take! I like candies precisely because I like to watch the real-time generation of candies, which ones different people claim as their own, which candies fall away and which stick around in the fandom over time. As a fic writer, this ship has gifted me with a treasure trove of information ~ what do people think of as romantic gestures, as give-away signs of love? The fun/amazing part of BJYX is that candies are available for so many different answers to these questions. Some people think of longing gazes and sweet smiles; some think of touches that can’t be helped (the many, many, many “fights”); some think of service (buying foods, designing clothes); some think of caring about the other’s well-being (throat candies and dumplings + noodles + crackers); some think of being The Other’s One and Only Exception (Dd being so talkative around Gg, Gg being so … fussy around Dd); some think of expressions through the arts (songs, drawings, dances); some think of grand gestures (the wave heart in the ocean); some think of matching clothes and symbolic accessories (rings); some think of birthdays and anniversaries (314, 622, the first snow); some think of sharing life’s hassles and small tidbits (fake rumour house); some think of … just looking VERY good together. Etc etc.

Some think of a subset of these, some think of all of these…

(Personally, I’m a very picky candy eater. I know about many of them, but only a small fraction impresses on me.)

(Still, I love watching candies. I love watching the joy of people sweetened by them ~ or, when c-turtles exclaim kswl! — the short form of ke si wo le! 嗑死我了! I “ke”ed so much I’m dying!)

This gets to 3), Anon, and I apologise to you too, for answering your not-essay-at-all with an essay! Candies are, to me, treats, and I don’t expect them to come at any frequencies higher than treats do. The reason isn’t because I don’t like candies ~ I enjoy watching them, as I said, even if I don’t eat many of them; the reason is because I don’t expect anyone’s romantic love to leave a trace in everything they do. For example, if I truly find myself in a SZD/SJD discussion re: Gg’s drawing, I’d say the lack of Dd in Gg’s self-portrait doesn’t really mean much. Even if Gg and Dd were head-over-heels in love with one another, Gg doesn’t have to put Dd in everything he touches. Likewise, Dd doesn’t have to present a consistent, or decipherable story with his kadians. This is true for the real-life couples around us too, isn’t it? They don’t perform every single act in life leaving a noticeable trace of their significant other. And the misunderstanding that couples do that — that their romantic lives take over who they are as individuals — IMO, partially explains why people who choose to not to date or marry, people who’re aro-aces, often have a difficult time convincing others that they’re complete humans. Romantic love is, of course, very, very important and can be life altering, but it also isn’t everything about a person ~ especially not if a person who has a career as exciting as Gg’s and Dd’s. Gg and Dd who also have friends, family, (many) talents and interests …

(And lots of ugly icons on their cell phones. Yes, I’m talking about you, Gg. That long-armed Pepe from your 2018 snowless Beijing post will give me nightmares…)

[statticscribbles]

Sneaking

Summary: Sweet Pea/Andrews!Reader Request: Sweet Pea sneaks in late at night, and Archie (being the protective brother he is) busts in and causes a big scene? You always leave your window open; the excuse is you hate the noise from the fan but like the cool air from having a breeze. Of course this is mostly a lie. You keep he window open so your boyfriend Sweet Pea has an easy way in and so he doesn’t have to risk waking everyone up. You’re not sure how your brother Archie would react, you’re pretty sure it would involve Sweet pea replacing the punching bag Archie keeps in his room and you’re not eager to see that happen so you keep the window open.

Currently Sweet Pea’s wrapped around you, you’d normally be asleep, it’s almost three am but something awoke you and you can’t seem to figure out what it is, or go back to sleep. You sigh shifting under the covers and wiggle out of Sweet Pea’s grip to sit up; just in time to see your door swing open and Archie step through. His hand jerks forward covering your mouth; you jerk back automatically, both of you falling off balance and crashing onto a now very awake Sweet Pea. “Shit.” He mumbles half awake as Archie glares standing and hauling you up. You can tell he’s about to start whisper yelling, the way his face is flushed a dead give away. But he never opens his mouth. Your father in the doorway. “Downstairs. All of you.” He hisses and the three of you cringe before starting to creep down the stairs slowly. “Now.” You run down the rest nervously standing between Sweet Pea and Archie. “Y/N. Why do you have a boy in your room?”

“Dad he’s a-“ “One I can see his neck tattoo, two this shouldn’t concern you but it does; three I’m talking here.” Fred snaps and Archie closes his mouth. You’re not sure you’ve ever seen your dad so angry. “Well he’s my boyfriend and-“ “I would hope, why is he in your room, and why did I not know about this.” “I didn’t think you’d approve.”

“You never asked, I know I didn’t raise you to be scared of talking with me.” His voice goes soft and the end and you swallow the fear of dissappointing him. “I know, I just thought cause how much everyone hates the Serpents you wouldn’t want him near me.” “Y/N sweetie, that’s not true at all; I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me. That’s no excuse for having a boy sleeping with you. I’m assuming since you two are wearing actual clothes that nothing else is going on besides sleeping either way we-“

“Mom already talked to me about that!” You interrupt, smiling at the relieved look on his face. “Okay good, we’re still going to call her and have a talk about all this now;” He turns to Archie who swallows. ‘Why were you in your sisters room.” “Well I-“ “Don’t lie.” “I was going to go to the bathroom, but I noticed her window was all the way open, but also that the ladder was leaning on it, then when I looked in her bed, he was there and-“ “That’s no reason to sneak into her room.” “DAD! what if he was a murderer!”

“I don’t think a murderer would be sleeping next to her alive.” Fred cringes. “I don’t want to think about that Archie, just don’t go into your sisters room at night. What if he’d woken up and thought you were a murderer then what?” Archie opens his mouth and Fred glares. “I’ll stay out of her room.” Fred nods smiling, before he turns to Sweet Pea. “And you.” Sweet Pea steps back slightly. Archie smirks and you look nervously to your dad. “What on earth possessed you to climb through my daughters window?” ‘Well you see I;”

“No I don’t you could at least sue the door like a normal person. So help me I will cut you a key if you need but no more using the ladder and going through the window. It’s bad enough Alice Cooper doesn’t want Betty around Archie, she finds out we have a Serpent staying with us she’ll have a conniption fit. I don’t want to deal with that, you don’t want to deal with it. So use the front door like everyone else.” “Oh, uh of course Sir.”

“No, call me Fred. Also we’re going to have a very long talk about what you can and can’t do, both of you.” He nods to you and Sweet Pea. “Now go back to sleep its three am.” Sweet Pea nods turning to the couch. “No, upstairs, you get one freebie.” You hug your dad on the way up. “You better believe tomorrow is going to be embarrassing for you.” He half threatens and you narrow your eyes. “We’re going to tell your mom.” You tense nervously shaking your head. “Dad no she’ll-“

“Exactly, she’ll use her lawyer voice on him. And you. Lord knows I can’t stay mad at you which is where she comes in.” You swallow cringing as you walk back up the stairs following Sweet Pea to your room. “I’m going to die tomorrow.” “Your mom can’t be that bad, can she?” You laugh when Sweet Pea’s voice pitches up with worry. “Just try to get some sleep.” “No babe, seriously she can’t be that bad right?” He repeats nervously you just pull him against you relaxing as he cuddles you once more.

Support My Writing?

[lifeofroos]

A/N: Bonus This Might Be Crazy - the last bonus This Might Be Crazy if I may add. This one is a lot heavier than the other chapters. Tw for emotional outbursts and self-harm(? not really but watch out for yourself).  In short: Nico gets therapy from Dionysus. In this chapter, he is so upset by something he needs to run, run far away from it. Dionysus doesn’t let him. 

AO3 - Fanfiction.net - KoFi 

Bonus chapter: Hard to Swallow

I was on a run. A run in the middle of the night, in the middle of New York, but still just on a run. 

I reached a crossroad. The lights were green, so I could run further. If I stopped now, then… then… 

A bus rode by right in front of me. I should have been hit by it - but I wasn’t. Someone was holding me back by my collar.

 ‘Sorry. I was running.’ 

‘What is this about, Nico?’

It was a familair voice. ‘I already said so. I was running.’

‘Why are you lying to me?’ 

He might as well have let the bus hit me. It would have hurt less than those words. The horrible feeling in my stomach rose up again, even though it should have been gone. 

‘I… I am not…’ And then I was crying. So much for trying to run my feelings out. 

Dionysus spun me around. I almost backed away. Never before had I seen him look so... afraid. ‘Come. You shouldn’t cry at a New York crossroad.’ I let him take me away. 

‘For the last few days you’ve been down You kept to yourself more than usual. I tried to talk with you a few times, but you didn’t respond, so I thought you might come to me when you felt ready.’ 

‘I-I-I would have…’ I bawled. 

He shook his head. I didn’t even notice him teleporting us until we were standing in front of our regular Denny’s. 

There were no other guests. Mary, behind the counter as always, raised her eyebrows. She pointed towards a table and disappeared into the back. 

I couldn’t imagine I looked that bad. Dionysus parked me on one of the couches. Instead of sitting down in front of me, he sat down next to me. 

‘I-I know now it wasn’t good, I really do…’ I sobbed. 

‘That’s good, but it’s not enough right now. You have to tell me what is going on.’

I slowly shook my head.

‘It’s dangerous if you don’t.’

I felt like crying louder.

‘Get it over with. It will hurt less to tell than it does to keep it in.’

I shook my head. He might hurt me. 

‘Is it about a god other than me?’

‘...Y... Yes.’ I couldn’t get any more over my lips. 

‘I gave a lot of gods a headache, both when I was a mortal and when I wasn’t. I know what is going on in your head. You’re afraid that if you tell me, it’ll push them over the edge.’ I could only keep crying. 

‘I can’t take that fear away, but I can ask you to trust me. A god can punish, but a god can also protect. And I can promise you I care a whole lot more about you than whatever god made you feel like this.’

It took everything to nod. 

‘Nico?’

I looked at him. 

‘Who did what to you?’

I shook my head again. 

‘Tell me, Nico. Please.’ 

He could wait all night. After all, he had all the time in the world. ‘It’ll be okay. This is my domain. No-one else can hear us.’

His domain. It made a small tear in my defenses, and before I knew it the words streamed out: ‘Zeus came to me in a dream a few night ago. He knows I am making amends with my father. He told me I was not supposed to do that, just like how I wasn’t supposed to be a hero. I was…’ A new wave of tears came out. 

Dionysus soothingly stroked my back. ‘You’re doing very, very well. Almost there.’

‘He said I was not meant to be alive, after all.’ 

I let out a scream. The tears streamed down my face. I was afraid, I was sad, I was ashamed that I let somebody make me feel this way and I was so, so angry. 

Dionysus pulled me into a hug. ‘Good, let it out,’ I heard him whisper. I buried my face in his sweater and did as I was ordered. 

|

With time my sobs became quieter. Dionysus let go of me. ‘So Zeus sent you a nightmare. A nightmare in which he told you that, if it was up to him, you wouldn’t have been a hero.’

I nodded. 

‘What part made you the most upset?’

I shook my head.

‘Take your time. There must be something.’

‘I am not sure.’

‘Can you tell me what’s the very first thing that came to your mind when I asked that?’

I took a shaky breath. ‘That he feels so threatened by my existence that he felt the need to send me a nightmare about it. Why does it matter so much to him?’ I held up my hand when Dionysus opened his mouth. ‘Wait. No. It’s not my existence, it’s what that existence means. It elevates Hades’ status among gods, which could possibly threaten him.’ I bit my lip. 

‘We can speculate on the why later. What matters now is that Zeus hit you when you were already damaged. He got his right long ago, he should have left it there…’ He abruptly stopped his sentence. ‘...What makes you most upset about Zeus being threatened by you?’

It took me a moment to find the words. ‘What… What makes me so upset is how… why does he once again have to be right? Isn’t it enough that he could hurt my mother consequence free because fate demanded it? Isn’t it enough that he stands above everybody else? Why does he have to be right on every single little thing?’ I clenched my fists. ‘Why can’t he just leave me alone!’

Dionysus stared at a point on the other side of the restaurant. He took a deep breath again. 

‘.. too close to home?’ I mumbled. 

He nodded almost invisibly. 

‘Is there anything I can do about it except accept it?’ I felt drained. Drained because I wasted so much energy on something I couldn’t do anything about. 

‘Don’t lie to the person trying to help you in the future. That way I can help you accept it and make you see that there are parts of the world beyond what you fixated on.’

I nodded. ‘I am not angry about the tough love.’

He looked at me. ‘I needed to. You almost ran out into traffic. When something like that happens, you waiver your right to stay quiet.’

‘Hm.’ I looked at my hands. 

‘I hope you learned that next time something like this happens you immediately come to me. Nico, I-’ he took a deep breath. ‘I was afraid, when I noticed you were running. It isn’t just about this incident, it shows that there is still a lot to work on.’

‘I didn’t mean to run into a bus.’

‘I believe you.’

I nodded. He wasn’t angry, he wasn’t even dissappointed, but it still made me feel bad. I swallowed. 

‘You need to cry more, still?’

I shrugged. It didn’t feel like it was over, but my throat and face felt raw from the tears. 

‘You want something to drink, then? Mary can make something.’ 

She peeped her head around the corner. ‘Can do. But I would like more information on what just happened in my restaurant.’

A/N: mostly wrote this because I wanted to explore what Dionysus would do when it was really important Nico said something. 

As in, when it was dangerous when he didn't.

[funkymbtifiction]

hey, me again (the person you typed as SFP). Thanks for your respond. First of all; you are certainly right about me using fi-te, thats actually i am quiet sure about by now (even though i had some trouble seeing myself as a feeler at first because it is usually described that feelers are in general more empathic and i can assure you no person i know would ever use the word "empathic" to describe me)...

You sound like an NP in what you wrote here, yes.

Fi's appear stoic on the outside, but are a swarm of specific emotions on the inside. They are self-referencing; if something doesn't ignite an emotional response in them, they don't care and aren't particularly sympathetic from "the outside," hence why people call them "cold." But they are very easily insulted, if they're INFPs. Much more so than an ENFP, who will consider it through Ne/Te more often than Fi.

[chaoticfriendship]

This is not hate but how can you support someone like pewdiepie after all hes done? I feel like it's wrong to put him with Jack because sometimes i feel like jacks his friend only because he feels he needs to because of the shoutout. Don't stan him with Jack or associate him with him please. Pewdiepie is a bad influence and a white supremacist

Ok. Let’s talk. I was going to ignore this but you’re really persistent. This is the fifth ask you have sent me telling me the same thing but in different ways. Sad thing is that I just started this blog, I can’t believe this keeps happening to me in every fandom I go to. Some of you need to understand something about Felix.

Yes, I’m aware he did a lot of questionable things. And no, he’s not a white supremacist. He’s not racist. And he’s not homophobic or whatever Twitter/the media is saying about him these days. I might not know him personally but I’ve been watching Felix since the very beginning and even with this little info about his life I can tell the difference between some things people choose to ignore about him. He’s a very honest person and he always tells everyone the information they need to know about him, whether it is about his personal life or his pewdiepie persona. His real actual friends (Jack, Ken, Mark -also good people, and whether you like it or not, Jack is one of them) held him accountable for the things he did and also made sure to assure everyone that the ‘Pewdiepie’ personality is totally different than his real-self. They confirmed he’s not any of his mistakes. Meaning the ‘Pewdiepie’ personality got too far and the facade/entertainment mask fell off of him when he made those mistakes. This was not only a lesson for him but it showed him places that needed real improvement in his life, something we all need sometimes. We all fall short in understanding the potential harm we can do to others and we easily face the temptation to define ourselves by ignoring those crucial parts. What Felix needed to learn was self-awareness. And he’s now constantly working on it so he can objectively evaluate himself when it comes to those things. Some people face this alone and privately but, him, as an internet sensation had to do it on camera.  

Pay attention to what his actual friends say about him. Jack himself said it:

‘It is strange, all the stuff that gets said about him, it’s kind of weird to see that being said about a friend of yours. To hear his actual thoughts on it…people like to take things every which way and twist things all over the place. I don’t know how he does it, with that many people on you and that much scrutiny on you constantly. I think I would have lost my mind by now.’

I’m also aware he’s a white rich guy and that he’s a step up on the scale from me and other people but I’m sure that if I dig long enough, I’m going to find something about certain actors/actresses/musicians (that most likely you and other people love) as well. Meaning they’re human at the end of the day and they might make mistakes too. Felix is the same case here.

It was dumb to say certain things and do certain things? YES. I held him accountable when he did those things. He didn’t need to say or do the things he did. It was irresponsible, harmful and immature from his part. However, he’s willing to make a change and work on it so this is something I can appreciate. 

He did the fivver video. This is his statement:

‘I make videos for my audience. I think of the content that I create as entertainment, and not a place for any serious political commentary. I know my audience understand that and that is why they come to my channel. Though this was not my intention, I understand that these jokes were ultimately offensive. I think it’s important to say something and I want to make one thing clear: I am in no way supporting any kind of hateful attitudes.’

his response.

He said the ‘n’ word. He sincerely apologized. This is his statement:

‘I hate how I personally fed into that part of gaming. It was something that was said in the heat of the moment. I said the worst word I could possibly think of and it slipped out. I’m not going to make excuses to why I did it because there are not excuses for it. I’m dissappointed in myself because it seems like I learned nothing from controversies. And it’s not like I think I can do or say whatever I want and get away with it. I’m just an idiot but that doesn’t make what I said or how I said it okay. It was not okay. I’m really sorry If I offended, hurt or disappointed anyone with all of this. Being in the position I am, I should know better. I know I can’t keep messing up like this and I owe it to my audience and to myself to do better than this. I really want to improve and better myself, not just for me but for anyone that looks up to me or anyone that is influenced by me and that’s how I wanna move forward. Away from this.’

source: my response. 

He:

Held himself accountable.

Made no excuses for his behaviour.

Recognized he did something wrong and stupid.

Sincerely apologized for it without making a fake act or fake crying for sympathy.

Never asked for sympathy or support because he's willing to make a real change in behavior. 

Realized some people are influenced by him and worked to be better for them and himself.

Chose to be himself and stand his ground on an important matter to make his audience understand he was taking this as serious as it is. 

Understood he gave ammunition that feeds some people the wrong idea and didn’t try to rationalize it because he knows he should take accountability for it. 

Saw that he had no need for jokes or words like that in his vocabulary in the first place and worked on self-control.

Rightfully feels ashamed for his actions. 

Here you can see Felix takes this seriously. He’s not messing around with what happened. He takes it with the responsibility it should be taken. 

And this is enough for me. I’m sorry if you think Felix needs to do a blood sacrifice to prove himself but that’s just not how it works. 

We all have said or done things we are not proud of. He did many of them and trust me, he was held accountable for them. How? Here’s a list of the consequences:

He was part of the original content network YouTube Red, and was affiliated with Disney’s MakerStudios brand where he had his own network. Disney cut all ties with him.

They cancelled his YouTube Red show, where a lot of people put big effort (not only the participants but the crew members). You can see that this was important for him. It was not just some random ass show.

Was held accountable for his actions and it was made known every mistake he did. Every single one.  

Received the proper criticism from the media, his fans and his own friends.

He also received harsh backlash and hate from the situation.

Lost support from followers, celebrities, friends and companies. 

He’s constantly attacked by people and media outlets on a daily basis. Some people even fabricate false stories about him.

He faced the proper consequences for those actions. Let him move on already.

You also listed a bunch of stuff in one of your asks, things he’s NEVER done. Those are things the media has made you and everyone else believe he did but he didn’t. This is why you should never believe any random media headline, you need to actually do your own research to see if that’s true or not. Here are the things you said he did (none of these are true): 

No, he hasn’t hired people to say the ‘n’ word. This is not true at all.

No, he doesn’t promote Adolf Hitler speeches and anti-semitic cartoons. Disney did once tho.

No, he’s not homophobic. At all. He was actually evicted from his own flat because his previous landlord is an actual homophobic person and called him and his crew the ‘f’ word. He decided to move far away from the guy. 

No, he didn’t perform the Nazi heil. Never. 

No, he didn’t pay the ‘Jesus’ guy to hold a sign that says ‘Hitler did nothing wrong’ this is a lie. Someone else did it and the media said it was him to cause more controversy. He paid him to say ‘Subscribe to Jacksepticeye’. 

No, he’s not racist. For this, his content would’ve to be filled with racial jokes and actual intentional attacks daily. His content is not like that, trust me, the most he does is play with some tambourine all the time. He’s said the ‘n’ word (something he admitted was terrible, apologized for it and took responsibility for his words), yes but someone that feels as bad and ashamed as he does, does not equal to what an actual racist is and how they act. 

No, he didn’t dress up in a Klansman robe. He never did that. This is also false information about him. 

No, he doesn’t bully his friends or enables bullying. I don’t know where the media got that one but I can assure you they’ve got no friends if they think his interactions with his own friends are ‘bullying’. 

No, he doesn’t joke about crises happening around the world. AT ALL. He constantly raises money for them (and gives his own money as well) to different causes such as the Wildfires Emergency Appeal, Team Trees (to plant 20 million trees), St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital (for kids with diseases such as cancer), Crisis Text Line, National Alliance on Mental Illness (a group that helps those suffering from mental illness), CRY (a GoFundMe campaign to help Indian children living in poverty), World Wildlife Fund (dedicated to the reduction of mankind’s environmental impact), RED (did a whole 7 hour livestream with friends to help people fighting HIV/AIDS in Africa), Charity: Water (a non-profit that provides drinking water to developing nations), Save the Children (for underprivileged kids to give them better education, healthcare, better economic opportunities), he recently raised $106,000 for the BLM movement donating the contributions to the family of George Floyd and other victims of police violence, Cincinnati Children’s Hospital, Hope for Holt, Malaria No More, Oceana, SpecialEffect, War Child, etc. Does this sound like someone who makes fun of real problems happening around the globe? No. And no, he hasn’t made fun of those causes either. 

No, he doesn’t make fun of mental illnesses. He talks about it with the proper respect and delicacy it deserves. He constantly adresses mental health, shares resources for viewers who may be struggling and talks about the importance of being aware and getting legitimate help. Where are you taking these facts from?

No, he doesn’t support China’s police brutality. He was BANNED from China for critizing the president and the country’s treatment of Hong Kong’s anti-government protests. How hard is it to watch the real video instead of trusting some Susan from Twitter? 

No, he has NEVER disrespected Japanese culture. Felix loves Japan and respects their culture. He always treats the people and the place with utter respect. 

He’s not a white supremacist or a secret Nazi. Are you insane? He’s said it himself ‘f*** anyone who is racist and anyone who is a white nationalist. That’s not what I’m about. And that’s not what my channel has been about either.’ Maybe if you think about it, the media painted him that way and people decided to go with it because they don’t actually watch his videos. The number of accusations and stories are insane and ridiculous. Have you ever watched one of his videos? Ever? Because if you would’ve, you would know none of these things are true. 

No, he doesn’t encourage kids/teens to see and follow Nazi ethics. He recommended a channel that does anime reviews (he didn’t know the channel had pro white-supremacy videos). You’re accusing him of that for not checking the thousand-something videos said channel has because he liked one anime review? This is reaching to a whole new degree. You could’ve randomly watched the same anime review vid, does that make you a Nazi as well? And NO, he didn’t wear an Iron Cross, he was wearing a Georgian Bolnisi cross. The shirt is by the Georgian designer Demna Gvasalia. Use Google please. 

I don’t think you’re a real Jacksepticeye fan if you think he’s sticking up for him only because of a shout-out that happened years ago. Extend your perspective in this. He knows him in real-life. He’s his best friend. He can tell he’s not a bad person. This is not a hard thing to figure out. 

Also, you forgot to put the anon option in one of your asks, so I know who you are. Weren’t you joking about WW3, using the ‘r’ word to fight with your followers and making fun of the BLM movement a few months ago on your twitter account? It might not look like it’s possible but we’ve also made and are capable of making some of the same mistakes too. The difference is that some of you hide behind the ‘it’s just humor to cope with life’ gen z card. Joking about a serious important movement is harmful as well, hope you can learn that. 

I can’t tell you how to emotionally react to his content, however I can advise that if it bothers you that much you should remove yourself from the environment that revolves around him (if you even watch his videos which I highly doubt) if you’re not willing to give him a chance. You also need to remember that forgiveness is private and personal, just because you don't see his content and can't see that change doesn't mean it's not happening. There’s power in understanding.

[im-in-love-with-pizza-bites]

May I have a ship 🔮 for MCU? Preferably male, thank you 💞

𝗕𝗔𝗦𝗜𝗖𝗦 + 𝗔𝗣𝗣𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘

I'm 19, Southeast Asian with Spanish descent, Libra, ENFJ-A/ENFJ-T, Neutral Good, Ravenclaw, and a Bi Pan Genderfluid girl using the pronouns She/Her or He/Him with Cherubic-like face. A friend of mine told me that I (kinda) look like Marinette from 𝗠𝗶𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗟𝗮𝗱𝘆𝗯𝘂𝗴, Musa from 𝗪𝗶𝗻𝘅 𝗖𝗹𝘂𝗯, and Alexandra Trese from 𝗧𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲 (a Netflix animated series), but the exception is I'm short (5'1.2") plus sized Southeast Asian woman with Spanish descent that has messy/wavy brunette medium hair, chocolate brown eyes, oriental skin and a small beauty mark on the forehead. My sense of fashion is in between emo and boyish plus korean glam.

𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬

Distant, quiet, and shy at first cause' I dunno how to initiate a conversation, but a total opposite if I open up---friendly, ambivert, witty, laughing loudly on a daily basis, talkative, eats a lot, awkward, daydreamer (I got embarrassed from knocking at the door even I'm inside the classroom 😂), EXTREMELY CLUMSY (mostly tends to get bruises from bumping and being careless to my belongings), secretly likes affection, easily overwhelmed, prone to melt over wholesomeness, flusters on compliments, lightly blushes on cheesy banters, eager to share what I know (especially about Catholic Church---my past teacher joked that I'll become a saint because of it 🤣), oftenly speaks full of sarcasm with a lowkey crackhead energy citing meme references, and talented girl who can be your no.1 supporter and unashamed to be true to myself. In terms of leadership, I only educate and guide than being a prefect (I might take the role seriously), will lift my group when there's lacking/incompleteness. About doing projects in school, I become too extra and prepared for efforts, but I'll forget the process in the end.

People thought I'm a demure self-effacing woman that looks "immaculate" or "one of a kind," (due to my protective parents, a reason why I've never been in a relationship) but the truth is, I'm eloquent, warm-hearted, willig to help, kind, intelligent, supportive, nice, creative, enthusiastic, laid-back, determined, tough, competitive, and feisty outside, but a real softie that can be childish and dramatic that cries so easily (but will enlightened real quick by smallest things that makes me smile) filled with doubts, frustrations, and insecurities with fear of failure that pushes off the limits to to please everyone because they might get dissappointed from expectations, yet I still managed to be stronger than ever, even it's a slow burn process. I can be intimidating, sassy, and a douchebag if I receive ends. Immature, headstrong, perfectionist, demanding, hesitant, jumpy, very indecisive, overthinker, quick-tempered, sensitive, and anxious (no joke, my nervousness makes me think worse scenario will arrive). Though can be procrastinator and arrogant, I raised as a religious 𝖺𝗇𝖽 diplomatic person, willing to fight what I believe (including my dreams and what's important to me) and what is right. In addition, I have a habit of staying up late and doing sign of the cross to ease nervousness.

Blunt but the loudest idiotic feeling-brokenhearted and bitter friend in the group who fangirl a lot, swears like sailor, will call out on people that we loathe, will crack up over your stupid antics before helping, vent out everything I despise (having a bad day, toxicity, poorly written soap operas, how am unlucky when it comes to love life) and bring gossips, but a hopeless romantic who tends to banter with sarcasms or pick up lines as an endearment (but gets grumpy if I received sappy or offensive one), Still generous and concerned person in a subtle way.

𝗘𝗫𝗧𝗥𝗔 𝗜𝗡𝗙𝗢

My hobbies are singing, drawing, roleplaying, listening to music, chatting/browsing on social media, conceptualizing, writing, and reading some stuffs. I'll include making corniest jokes/puns, sleeping, and dancing when nobody's around or walking like a model if I feel so bold (even I'm terrible at both xD). I also used to learn Italian language a bit. Lastly, my best assets are smile, eyes, personality, singing voice, artistic skills, writings, intelligence, and oratorical skills...so I can consider myself as a singer, artist, orator, and a top student who's a former campus ministry member (choir member, psalm singer, and reader) and in coming college freshman. Currently learning how to cook and have so many interests, to the point I don't know what I'm into because of my dreams to become a popular Filipino YouTuber, a novelist, and being part of a successful chorale...I also consider joining pageants too once the pandemic ends, but maybe.

Hi! Sorry this took so long for me to answer I've been busy all day. Thank you though!

🔮- Tell me about yourself and I'll give your a boyfriend/girlfriend (specify sexuality and fandom)

Okay, marvel Boyfriend. Easy Pietro Maximoff. I mean if he didn't y'know💀. Okay, but on a serious note, if you are about to fall or anything since you are clumsy he helps you and like saves you from the fall. Also, I'm clumsy, and if you're like me, you probably drop your phone too. (I saw you said you're careless with your belongings) he totally catches it every time. And jokingly scolds you for it. He loves your jokes corny as they may be, he's totally walked in on you dancing, and acting like a model he loves it and starts dancing with, since you like music he shows you sokovian music all the time. He'll support you in all your dreams as a man should! He's learning to cook with you cause he wants to spend extra time with you. He's terrible at it but nonetheless.

Okay It's 3am good night. Thank you for participating in my sleepover!

[lucidpantone]

I was kind of excited because our queen deserve the world but this silence is killing me. I'm so fucking tired I don't get it! I really hope it will start with Ramadan...it will be kind of powerful

I mean, I'll be really pissed if it starts next Saturday

Hi darling am sorry i had to walk away from my computer for a sec because I was honestly really annoyed earlier today. Here is the thing I see people in the tag saying stuff like well why are we dissappointed wtfock didnt promise us a start but here is the thing for me its different. You need to understand how much of my personal time is preoccupied by connects trying to move information. How am constantly getting pushed and pulled and how much of my personal time I spend negotiating information and then distilling it in away that everyone gets the outcome they want. Anyways so yea for me I was told something very specific which could also apply to tomorrow as well. However my biggest issue is being ghosted. When people want something they want my time asap and frequently and for the most part the feelings are reciprocated but for an event like today the let down honestly sucked. So many people I touched base with on insta, twitter and here were really gunning for today and I get it. I do not believe that this season does not start on Ramadan because thats means wtfock rewrote two episodes on top of all the rewriting for covid and I just dont think they would want to make such huge changes after s4. I still believe it starts on Ramadan as it was meant to start in original s4. However my issue is an issue that a few blogs brought up which is about giving the only woc main the appropriate hype and investment from the fans. We already know this season most likely isnt airing on TV so there goes those fans. We know about the backlash of s4 so there goes those fans and now you literally have Nora, Noa and Akram taking personal time to answer fan questions and continue to produce hype for Nora’s season. That shit bugs me and so does giving your only woc so little hype and pre-publicity. Like if they dont do anything tomorrow and they ghost the fandom an entire weekend and then drop all the promo on Monday like what?!?!?! Your gonna drop the promo for you woc main during the early bird special at discount pricing? It seems like Nora is in on it given her response to fans today so I guess I will trust her but if we really dont get anything tomorrow like talk about starting the s5 on the wrong foot. 

[unseelie-bitch]

Season 1 Episode 1: To the Waters and the Wild [Part One]

[I recognise I've written season 1 but please god don't let there be a season 2]

Dem SHEEPS

Cannot believe for the opening two lines they really thought repeating "fecking sheep" was the way to go

Oop magical barrier time okay

And there's a murdered sheep. Such winx vibes

And the man's getting murdered. Well. That happened.

That better not be a fucking werewolf because that's the vibes I got

Also maybe don't go through the magic barrier. Just a thought

The most winx thing about it so far is the lil title bit. I acc liked that

Sorry does Bloom just know about magic?????? WHY IS SHE JUST ROCKING UP WTF

Oh look. It's Terra. Give me Flora

Aisha just mysteriously walking. Fair enough

Stella is immediately popular and has a very deliberate shot to give us "popular bitch" vibes. A joke

There's Not Musa

There's a man and Bloom is IMMEDIATELY staring at him

Also Bloom looks way too old I'm sorry she just does I hate it

I don't know who any of these men are but they are clearly important

I think this man is Sky and I'm so thrown off by his accent. He's english but like... if you want the prince to be english he shouldn't be like... ordinary english. Where's the RP

Also Bloom is supposed to be an extrovert why is she so not into the conversation

Okay time skip because Bloom found out 3 months ago. I'll accept it but I'm not happy about it

And Stella's watching them from afar

That is NOT what mansplaining is clearly this writer is trying to be """"feminist"""" and ENTIRELY missed the fucking point

Bloom was looking for Stella alright

So um how the fuck would Stella know about American stereotypes

Also you IMMEDIATELY made her a bitch excuse you my girl is a ray of sunshine. LITERALLY

Sorry did they say "Miss Darling"? "Dalling"?? Why not Faragonda or Griselda????

THEY REPLACED FARAGONDA???????

At least Stella still has her ring

I'm going to pretend she was offering Bloom help instead of the obvious "if you can't make it" challenge

Okay Stella's kind of a babe but she ISN'T STELLA

Why the FUCK is Alfea in Solaria

#NotMyFaragonda

YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE DISSAPPOINTED IN THE LACK OF WINGS BLOOM

Oh they had wings in the past and lost them? Bullshit I hate it

TINKERBELL IS FUCKING REAL WHAT THE FUCK

Also they just all know about Bloom's magic. Really feel we need some backstory lads

I'm really hung up on "Tink was an air fairy" like WHAT

What's the tea lads who did Bloom burn

She's facetiming her parents, fair enough

Please fuck off with the narrative that girls can't live together without fighting like wtf. "Five girls in an enclosed space" are not going to "decend into a lord of the flies situation" NO REAL WOMAN WOULD SAY THAT. ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN EVERYONE ELSE IS RIGHT THERE

Bloom is not fucking anti-social what the FUCK

So her parents solidly don't know where she is. Right

Okay Aisha is a BABE she saw Bloom floudering and was like COMING IN TO DEFEND YOUR LIE

Oh so Bloom is no longer adopted. She has dormant fairy blood. Right. Why.

Bloom is NOT a Ravenclaw OR Slytherin she should be the most Griffindor Griffindor to ever Griffindor what the FUCK

Now watch them not write her as a Ravenclaw OR Slytherin

Why must you write Stella as a bitch. She could have simply been Baby

You've just turned Flora into Aunt Hilda from Sabrina. But like, written as the joke. What the fuck

...but also Terra you shouldn't take over a shared space

Why the fuck are they writing Terra as the outcast

MUSA I LIKED YOU UNTIL YOU WERE MEAN WHY

Also can they please make Terra less annoying

Hope Musa's okay

That better not be Riven he looks like such a dweeb

OH A RIVEN'S A MASSIVE DICK SUPRISE SUPRISE

The real question is why would a "nice" person like Sky have a misogynistc friend like Riven

Loving the shot of the singular woman they said is a specialist

OH THERE'S A SECOND WOMAN. THE FEMINISTS ARE TAKING OVER (🎶I'm an adult virgin🎶)

Sorry is Sky's dad dead??? Surely Sky is now... king??

Sky is good bean. I like it

Sorry can people get CONSCRIPTED to be specialists??? That sounded like they were getting conscripted

Ah the not werewolf was a Burned One

Some moronic specialist just went through the barrier and he's gonna get attacked isn't he

Oh they're magic zombies. Of course

He gonna die

Oh they found the sheep guy's corpse. Yikes

Ah so imma say Bloom is supposed to be 16 and that was how long ago the last sighting was

Is Rosalind going to be fake Daphne

Does that mean sheep man was the Alfea Shepard?? Why does Alfea have sheep???

"Before gossip starts" bro a student found the body. Gossip has started

"That old age decapitation really sneaks up on you" Musa BABE

"Happened to my nan right in the middle of bingo" AISHA BAAAAABE

Also Musa clearly has a thing for Aisha. Take this somewhere.

Why are they making Terra the joke AGAIN. Stop it. Stop it. Stop. It.

Why are Terra's only personality traits "nice" and "awkward"

Has the writer ever met a human women. Serious question. Because this is NOT how women act

"Happens a lot around me" this is the FIRST DAY oh my god it happened ONCE. I'm trying so hard to find any of the redeemable qualities that any half decent writer could have written in for Terra but they just. Aren't. There.

Musa is doing her best and I don't blame her

Is her dad the replacement for Palladium because that's a joke

Oh look it's the one girl who actually looks like a child because her actor actually was!! And I know they sexualised her and I am NOT looking forward to it

Beatrix is doing her best and is also clearly putting it on. I like her

Also NotFaragonda is a fucking joke

Also wtf was the office I thought this was supposed to be high fantasy. You took out the sci-fi for THAT backstreet office??

Why do Bloom's notes look like a 12 year old's diary wtf

Oop flashback

Who did Bloom set on fire?? This is probs in between The Incident and Alfea so... did she burn someone alive

Why can this man not write ANY female interactions??? Even mother/daugher interactions are bullshit because Vanessa was a GOOD MOTHER and this woman is NOT

Whom the fuck talks like that?? 0/10 unrealistic dialogue

Oop Bloom's eyes are g l o w i n g

Aww Sky is doing His Best

That really isn't what mansplaining is. Is the writer actually trying to mansplain mansplaining??

Stella and Sky clearly have history and Sky made a backhanded comment while Stella was being a bitch

Prediction time: last year Stella and Sky dated, Stella had a magic emotion blowup resulting in her having to repeat first year, hence why everyone's so preoccupied with what she says, does and looks like

Aisha is seeing Bloom leave like "oh shit"

I like the weird lightsnake

I love Bloom's outfit but Bloom should not be wearing it

Oh she's going to practise her magic in the middle of the forest. Excellent

It's going about as well as you'd expect

Why does she have so many pictures of her on her own, clearly taken by another person on her own phone, if she has no friends??? Sus writing

Oh did she burn their house down?

You should not be trying this with long sleeved, flamable clothes on and no control. In the middle of a likely very flamable forest. Just saying

Maybe instead of making them bigger, focus on putting a small flame out?

Oh and she can't. Shocker.

YES AISHA

And I'm writing way too much so imma split this into two parts

[kamisartvonkunst]

Personally, I’ve been in your situation before, and I completely understand what you’re going through. I use one method that works for me every time, and it’s to talk to myself. “Why don’t you want to do it?” And start a conversation from there. Don’t be too harsh on yourself and take things slow. Even if it doesn’t satisfy you, it’s okay. Learning — doing — it’s all a process. It’s just a matter of being patient with yourself and understanding that you yourself are a person.

Yeah, thats a big key to everything psychological in general...always question your thoughts. The problem for me is that I am already VERY slow. TOO slow. I’m 22 and have not been able to do ANYTHING in my life. Everybody always says things like “But it’s already been so long.” - “It’s been what? How many months?” - “Why is it not done yet?”.......the pressure and the fear of failure is so high that i get so damn tense that I can’t move. Good timing, I forgot to take my meds, which is why I’m already getting stiff even though I’m just writing it...I always hear and see the dissappointed faces and voices in my head.....

Good thing I’m still in therapy...

Sorry for this overwhelming answer even though you were so nice to me. There are just certain things that trigger me I guess? Didn’t expect it now...sorry and thank you, I can’t say anything else

[stattic-writes]

Sneaking

https://statticscribbles.tumblr.com/post/639099629845233664/masterlist

Support My Writing?

[ghostfruits]

hey can i ask a personal question for the members of ghostfruits; how do u guys personally deal with suicidal ideation and self harm? i notice that theres alot of mentions of death/depression/suicide/etc in your comics, and im a huge fan of you guys and im currently struggling with my own demons and thought I would ask. i hope this isnt too intrusive, feel free to ignore me.. - a suicidal, depressed fan.

i know we’re in public rn but i’m gonna just talk to u like a person, real quick. im going to talk to u like i would have if u were like in front of me

its like 2am and so im worried i might not be as lucid as i think. im sorry in advance if this is like, whole gibberish

im gonna speak for just myself, as the the person who is most often inserting specifically that kind of shit into our work, but definitely not like, the only person on this side like massively struggling with a similar variety of things

i dont know

a lot of people seem to be making work about problems they Used To have, and like ways they Used To feel, and like overcame, and then it becomes safe for them to make like, art about it. like the turmoil happens behind the scenes and then they like open up abt it publically after the fact via art. or at least like thats what im seeing happen, or like, ppl talk abt like "i made this bc it would have helped me figure my shit out sooner if someone had made s/t like this for me" and the like, probably dissappointing truth of it here is i'm bleeding in like real time. i dont have solutions to it. you and me are both in the immediate thick of the same kind of emotion. i didnt manage to puzzle it out. when i was 9 i started feeling like i wanted to kill myself and im 25 and ive wanted that, still, the entire time. i dont all the way know why its like that. sometimes i used to think it was like, a reaction to specific kinds of hardship or loss or dissatisfaction with my circumstances, but lately ive been worried that maybe good things or good times or good feelings are just like, distracting me from something that is my Actual desire, that being dead is the path im just like occassionally straying from. when i say that out loud i have a really easy time imagining a second person telling me that isnt a healthy thing to be saying or feeling, which usually means it isnt, but thats like, really how i am feeling, that is really where i am at with it. that probably means i dont have any business directing another persons like, outlook on it

so

while i cant tell you how to live with it, or cope with it, or manage it, bc im not doing any of those things, i can tell you really confidently that i dont think you should be dead, and you're being misdirected by either yourself or the world or like something else altogether into thinking thats the key that fits into whatevers in front of you. i know i dont know you, but i know like, a lot of people, and iv never felt like any of them should be dead. ive never met anybody who i thought itd be like fine if they died. theres people im hugely indifferent to, theres people i hate, there are people who have hurt me or others enormously and ive still never thought in earnest like "this persons best plan of attack i think is to kill themselves"not like anybody. not like anybody ever. iv said some fucking wild shit abt niggas but iv never said that, and i cant imagine ever saying it. or thinking it, or feeling it. i dont imagine youd be like an exception to that

thats easy to say, but, im not the person who has to live with it tho. thats easy to say to you but you still have to wake up tomorrow and live out whatever has got you so fucked up you're at like, a death point with it, and if youre coming here to ask abt it, youve probably exhausted a lot of other options already ill bet. and its like, probably wack as fuck to meet like another dead end here too. i dont know if youre still reading this even. i probably wouldnt be. iv had madd niggas hem and haw at me forever abt "temporary problems permanent solutions" and then just like shuffle me out of their office or living room or whatever and expect im not supposed to like pop myself on their doorstep. niggas acting like im fucking playing. like i got it out of my system bc we had one conversation and now im supposed to go eat lunch and be regular. idk. id be very mad at me, if i were you. i dont know if you are, but i wouldnt blame you for that. the reason i say all this is to articulate like;its possible that after hitting another roadblock here, youll feel like, "ok then fuck it" and like set your sights on just like, doing it. like bc i didnt have any jewels for u it would like reinforce it maybe. i would like u to consider this tho;

theres MADD niggas smarter than me. i was extremely useless to you just now. this is not like the pinnacle of help you're ever going to get. the answers you need for this exist even if youve already turned over a dozen rocks and theyve all been like, as useless, as this, tht has like absolutely no bearing on if the next rock will have useless shit under it. every single time u flip a coin it has the exact same chance of going one way or the other. this like did not have the medicine u need in it but the main thing i would want to stress to u is that it *does* exist and uve just had like a supremely shitty time finding it

somebodys got it. the only thing i can like confidently promise u is that somewhere, somebody, definitely knows the answer to this. u might be the person even. im not sure. /i/ def havent found it but like its in the mix somewhere. idk

i cant prove it to u but im positive ur not done yet, & you should stay

i didnt read back over any of this after i typed it, & so im gonna apologize again if it was just like, fullblown nonsense