#and i am trying v hard not to feel bad abt it

[canongf]

it is genuinely so good for me to have eddie, who does not care about carbs or calories, doesn’t pay attention to the scale, doesn’t assign moral values to food. i say ‘are you hungry’ and he says ‘yes.’ so we get dairy queen. and everything’s fine.

[t4tpumpkinduo]

man.

[futterurl]

i am literally BEGGING for a future man/mike in a muzzle like that one scene

i LOVE the way u think anon. my brain is fried so it took awhile to think abt a story for this so im sry if its lowk kinda bad

warnings: smut(mdni!), porn with barely any plot, blowjob, handjob, p in v, sub!josh, semi public, muzzle

- - - -

"are you fucking hard right now?"

you couldn't believe what you were seeing. or even why, for that matter.

it was supposed to be just blending in at a strip club. your mission was to seduce a certain man in this timeline, to get him away from getting accompanied and meeting another guy. you and tiger would dress as strippers, pretend to be workers, and josh, accompanied with wolf, would pretend to be regulars, just to help the mission go smoothly and make sure you girls didn't get the wrong attention.

what you were wearing, however, did get attention. in josh's pants.

he didn't see what you were wearing until he got into the club with wolf, seeing you next to tiger, trying to look like you weren't nervous. he scanned every inch of your body.

he knew he shouldn't be thinking of you like this. you were his friend. he shouldn't be looking at his friend, eyes full of lust, wondering how good it'd feel to have your hips bouncing back and forth on his cock.

he shouldn't be looking at your outfit, scanning your thighs and how plush they looked against your tight outfit. he shouldn't be looking at how your outfit hugged your hips and chest, breasts threatening to spill out.

he knew you had to wear this outfit to blend in, but fuck, it made his job hard. his dick, too. he tried to shift around, his erection twitching in his pants whenever he saw you.

he had to take care of this. now.

he walked up to you, looking nervous as ever.

“dude, we gotta go. now. need help.” he looked at you. you looked back at him, confused. what was going on with him? he had been staring at you the whole time you were here. did you do something? was he trying to start something? what was-

then you looked down.

oh.

“are you fucking hard right now?” you asked him.

he looked down, almost in shame. he didn’t say anything.

something clicked in your brain. he had come up to you, all desperate and in need.

you were the one in control now.

you smiled.

“i gotta tell tiger i’m talking to someone. i’ll help you josh.” you traced his jawline with your finger as you walked away to find tiger to tell her you wouldn’t be in the main room for awhile, to which she nodded. you came back, a mischievous grin on your face.

“let’s go to my car, i’ll take care of you.” you whispered in his ear. he felt his erection get even harder, if that was even possible. he needed a release. now.

the car was too far away. “need help. now. can’t get t’ the car.” he whimpered.

you swayed your hips as you and him kept walking outside the strip club. you had an idea.

“well, you’ll just have to be a good boy and be quiet, then.”

he swore he almost came in his pants when you said that.

“yes, i’ll be a good boy. i can be quiet. i’ll be such a good boy for you. promise.” he whimpered as you walked to a nearby abandoned alleyway. sure, it was public, but the car was so far away. you wanted this now, too. you couldn’t wait either.

your hand lightly traced over his throbbing erection in his pants, to which he let out a loud whimper.

“are we gonna have a problem with noise?” you cooed, tracing his cock with your fingers. he shook his head, determined.

“please, no, we won’t. i-i’ll be a good boy.” he whimpered quietly, grinding into your hand. “please, just touch me.”

your hand dipped into his pants as he leaned against the wall if the alleyway. he could feel his member twitch once you ever so slightly touched it with your fingertips.

“please.” he begged as he pulled his pants and boxers down, finally giving you a look at his cock. you hate to admit that you did catch yourself staring. how could you not? it was hard and leaking precum just for you.

your hand wrapped around it, slowly pumping it, which the moans started to roll in. he couldn’t help himself. josh started moaning, trying to be as quiet as possible, but failing in the process. you quickly took your other hand and threw it over his mouth.

“since we can’t be quiet, i’ll give you a fucking way to be quiet.” you said in a low voice, reaching into a nearby box that had caught your attention earlier. it was definitely from the strip club: it had all sorts of sex toys, rope, and everything like that.

your eyes shot to one component of the box: a muzzle.

you hoped this would keep him quiet.

“what…what’re you doing?” he asked as you picked up the muzzle from the box.

“well, good boys are able to be quiet. good boys don’t have to be restricted.”

“good boys.” you continued as you snapped the muzzle on his face. “don’t have to be told to be quiet. like you have to.”

he tried to argue, but could barely be heard because of the muzzle. your hand went back down to his aching cock.

“now, you’re gonna be a good boy and you’re gonna be quiet for me. understood?” you stated as you started slowly pumping your fist down his length.

he nodded vigorously.

“good. now let me play with this pretty cock.” you started to quicken your pace, your thumb rubbing over his tip every now and them, making him see stars. he started to thrust his hips into your hand, practically using it as a fleshlight.

as you kept pumping your fist around him, his thrusts got even faster, more desperate. he started to moan softly.

“are you close, pretty boy?” you asked, not slowing down on your attack to his cock. he nodded. you took your hand away from his length, to which he whined at.

“sit down on the floor.” you demanded, which he immediately listened to, spreading his legs as he sat. you sat down on him, clothed cunt on top if his pulsing cock.

“want me to fuck you? want me to ride and bounce on your cock until you cum in my pussy?” you asked. he nodded, trying to make noice through the muzzle, but to little success.

thankfully, you got the message, taking everything off. your sopping pussy resting on his cock, begging to be filled.

“i’ll fuck you. fuck your fucking brains out. m’ gonna make you cum so hard josh.” you said, lining up yourself with his cock, resting the tip against your entrance.

he started whining more and more, desperate to be inside of you.

“fine, i’ll give you what you fucking want.” you said, taking his cock in one go, getting all the way to the base. you had to admit, that felt really fucking good. you wouldn’t be surprised if you came soon as well.

you started to get into a rhythm, bouncing up and down, grinding on his cock. you had to stop yourself from making loud moans, trying your best to conceal them under strings of curses. the way his cock hit every spot inside you made you feel like you were in heaven. his cock fit perfect into your tight walls, like a hand in a glove.

you felt him start to thrust up into you, catching you off guard. you let out a whimper, barely being able to contain yourself. you started to ride him faster, feeling your orgasm quickly approaching.

“josh, shit. m’ gonna cum. fuck.” you whispered. he let out a quiet moan through the muzzle, letting you know he was close too. “gonna cum on your cock.”

after one thrust in particular, he hit a certain spot in you, one that made you lean into his shoulder to muffle your moans as you came, your tight walls suffocating his cock, practically begging for him to release. after a few sparratic thrusts, he came, oozing cum into your cunt. he moaned. loud.

once you both had caught your breaths, you lifted yourself up, watching the mix of cum gush out of your sopping cunt. you took the muzzle off of his face, holding his cheek.

“you okay? i know that was a little rough.” you asked, hoping you didn’t cross any lines.

“god that was so fucking hot. holy shit. i loved that.” he smiled, sitting up straight and pulling up his boxers. “you’re so hot. thank you so much.”

“you’re not too bad yourself. i wouldn’t be opposed to doing that again some other time.” you smiled at him, putting your outfit back on.

“next time please sit on my face.” he offered. you looked back at him. he was serious. you were caught a bit off guard.

“u-uh, sure. i’d love that.” you helped him up, buckling his pants back. “we gotta get back, though.” you planted a kiss on his cheek as you took his hand back into the strip club.

.

.

“finally! where the hell have you been? thought we lost you.” tiger threw her hands up in exasperation, looking at you. she looked down, seeing hand prints bruising by your thighs.

“someone get a little busy?” she asked in a mocking tone.”

“oh, you have no idea.” you replied with a dopey smile.

- - - - - - - - -

a/n: sry this is kinda short :p had a bit of a dom reader today. hope this wasnt too bad!!

[kavehater]

Man I wish I could feel bad enough for even talking so I just don’t yap too much it just feels embarrassing a lot of the time

My brother just called me an unskippable NPC 😭

[kodydrs]

Sunflower Juice - Sabo

a/n: title has nothing to do with the story. sabo just reminds me of Sunflowers. I am incredibly out of practice when it comes to writing smut, and the ending is lowkey shit bc i kept reading it in my ex’s voice 😭

ib: this prompt from Portgas.D•Xiao’s on on Chai. “sabo just finished drinking with his friend, after he drank some alcoholic water he started to get drunk, then he wanted to go to his room and he saw you in the hallway And he started coming closer to you and hug you from behind.

warnings : fxm, sabo x fem reader, mdni, drunk sex, slight oral (f. recieving), vaginal fingering, p in v, hickies, (a lot of) pet names, you dated ace b4 his d3ath, reader is still kinda grieving ace’s death, she’s a bipolar abt her emotions as i am (it’s not funny guys, i’m actually bipolar), no use of y/n, not proofread, i’m bad at tagging

You flinch at the sudden attack.

‘ahh!’

It takes you a minute to realise who has just latched themselves onto you.

‘oh Sabo. it’s just you.’

You’d known Sabo for a little while. Ever since Ace’s death, you’d travelled with Luffy and the Straw Hats, and you’d met Sabo along the way. You wouldn’t say you’re exactly the closest of friends, but you both respected each other. But you did you best to keep a healthy distance because damn did he remind you of Ace.

‘Yeah. It’s just me. What are you doing here?’ You're not supposed to be alone right now.’ You felt his grip tightens around your waist slightly as he looks down at you. ‘Are you okay? Do you need anything?’

You turn to face him, confusion obvious on your face. But upon breathing in, you can smell the alcohol on his breath.

‘Sabo. Are you drunk?’ It’s more of a rhetorical question. It’s clear from how thick his breath feels. He wobbles a little to really upkeep the act.

‘Mmmm. Yeah. Maybe just a little bit.’ He pauses. ‘But I’m drunk with you so it’s fine.’

You go to say something to him, but you stop, deeming it useless.

‘Let’s just get you back to your room.’

He grumbles, audibly in decline of your offer.

‘But I don’t wanna go back to my room. I wanna spend more time with you.’

You can feel his arms trying to pull you closer to him like you aren’t already pressed tightly to him. He seems to give up on his efforts by resting his head on your neck and you can again smell the alcohol, reminding you of his drunk state. You groan.

Your plan for the night had been to hang out with Namu & Robin, but Nami got swept away by the Straw Hats stupid chef and Robin got distracted by Chopper's constant tangents. This left you sitting alone at a table with nothing but your thoughts. Your thoughts about how lonely you’d become since joining the Straw Hats. Now all you wanted to do was get to bed and sleep.

‘Sabo. Can you please just go to your room? I’m not in the mood for socialising right now.’ He pouts, nuzzling against your skin.

‘Don’t leave me all alone out here, please.’ He grabs your hands gently and place them on your stomach, holding them there. With a final long sigh, you give up.

‘Fine.’ He lets out a happy chuckle and spins you around, kissing you deeply on the lips for a few seconds before pulling away.

‘Yay!!’ He shrieks. He leans forward and hugs you tight once more, squeezing you so hard you can barely breathe.

You stand frozen in time, stunned by his actions.

‘S-Sabo??!’ He looks down at you with a confused look.

‘Yes. What is it? Are you hurt? Did I do somethi-‘ You cut him off by smashing your lips together, grasping his face tightly. He responds back with equal force and passion. Before you know it, his hands are everywhere. They’re gripping your hair, holding you hips, pressed to your spine.

You pull away, gasping for air. Letting it set in, you touch your lips. ‘Holy fuck.’ You think. ‘I just kissed my boyfriends brother.’

He looks down at you, not processing what the situation they’re really in is.

‘Hey. Why’d you stop? What’s wrong?’ You should protest, but you’re honestly too pent up to care right now.

‘Ah fuck it.’ Without resistance, you grabbed him by the collar and dragged him down the hallway to his room. You locked the door behind you and pinned him to it, crashing you lips back against each others.

The way you're kissing him makes him forget everything else around them. All he wants right now is to make love to you.

‘Oh god.’ He moans softly while wrapping his arms around your waist and pressing himself harder against you. You hum at his hand placement, getting intoxicated on the taste of his lips. He’s been drinking sunflower juice. His abdomen tensed as you ran your fingers along the divots in his abs. His excitement is evident in the way his hips bucked against you and you fail to push backs grin, grinding against his pelvis.

‘I want you so badly.’ He whispers in your ear.

‘Then take me.’ He pulls back, smug face as he looks down at you.

‘Yeah?’

Your voice is breathy and sweet, filled with the sudden need to be touched you’ve so desperately missed.

‘…yeah.’ He smirks mischievously and leans forward, placing one hand behind your neck and pulling you close enough that your noses touch.

‘Tell me what you want baby.’ He growls lowly into your ear, not breaking eye contact even though he's drunk as hell. Your mouth gapes at how hot he sounds right now.

‘oh fuck’ You whisper. ‘I want you to touch me, Sabo.’

With a sly smile on his lips, he brings his hand down and runs it down your arm, stopping at your hand and interlocking your fingers with his. He then brings your joined hands up to his chest, where he kisses them both.

‘Any particular way?’

Your voice is sickeningly sweet, and your words drip like honey.

‘Like you want me.’

His eyes light up in hunger and he once again slides his hand down to your hip, feeling every curve of your body.

‘Like I want ya, huh?’ He leans in to you, gently pressing his lips against your neck. ‘I’m sure that can be arranged.’ He takes your wrists and wraps them around his neck before hoisting you up like you weight nothing so your thighs also wrap around him. You pepper his neck with kisses as he brings you over to his bed and lays you down, straddling your hips.

You gasp as you watch him strip off his shirt and coat, revealing the chiselled abdomen you’d been tracing earlier. He laughs at your reaction before leaning back down and reconnecting your lips. Your hands move to his hair, tugging at the base of his scalp. He doesn’t break the kiss as he lifts your shirt to reveal your perk breasts. Instead, he runs his tongue along your teeth and sucks on your lower lip, basking in the heat radiating from your bodies. It’s driving him crazy.

He kisses down your neck into the valley between your breasts, massaging them gently. Your hands continue to tug at his hair, soft whimpers going straight to his dick.

You groan as he continues his journey down your stomach to the waistband of your pants, where he stops and looks up at you for approval.

‘Please.’ He grin. You nod. ‘Alright then.’ He slowly pulls them down, revealing your soaked panties.

‘So pretty.’ He cooes, kissing dangerously close to your core. He shimmies you out of your pants and then pushes aside your panties, tracing teasing circles around your clit with this tongue. Your thighs instinctively try to close around his head, but he pins them apart, not letting them interrupt his meal.

‘Be a good girl, baby. Good girls get good things.’ You can feel yourself melt under his touch. You’re embarrassed from how easily your legs are shaking due to being so touch starved, but you can’t really focus on that right now.

Your back arches as 2 fingers are inserted into your cunt, stretching you. And it takes everything to not cum right there and then.

‘You alright there, babygirl?’ Sabo laughs, hooking an arm around your thigh and nipping at the skin. You squeeze your eyes shut and nod, breathing deeply.

‘I just haven’t had sex in a while.’

‘We’ll take it slow. I wanna make this last.’ Slowly, his fingers pump in and out, letting you ease around them while he continues to kiss and nibble on your thighs, leaving little pink and purple marks that you’ll find in the morning. After a few minutes, he adds a third digit, watching your expression to make sure he wasn’t hurting you in any way. Your heads tilted to the side and you make eye contact, the lustful gaze drawing you in. He smiles and kissed back up your body to your neck.

‘Are you ready for me? Or do you wanna wait a little longer?’ You wrap your arms back around his neck, pulling him down into a chaste kiss.

‘I’m ready.’ You whisper, pressing your foreheads together. ‘But please don’t be harsh.’

He nods and kisses you deep but slowly as he pulls his fingers from your cunt. You hear the rustle of clothes from him removing his pants and boxers before feeling his tip graze your entrance.

‘Do you want a countdown?’ He teases, grinning at his own joke. You smile, hitting his shoulder and murmuring a quiet “asshole”. He slowly pushes himself past your entrance to your warm insides, revealing in the intense heat.

‘Shit.’ He curses against your lips. ‘Damn, you feel amazing.’ You try to reply, but all that comes out is a moan. ‘Are you ok? Can I move?’

You hum, already leaving scratches on his back from blunt nails. He carefully starts to move, burying himself deeper with each thrust and it drives you insane. It isn’t long before you feel your stomach twist into knots.

‘S-Sabo… gonna cum.’ You whimper, nuzzling into his neck.

‘Already, baby? Can you hold on for a little so we can do it together?’ He gets a babble for a reply, mixed with a harsh kiss to his jaw. ‘Good girl. You’re taking me so well, baby.’ He brings one hand to your face, gently stroking your face. He touch is comforting, and you feel him pick up his pace so you get to finish as soon as you want.

‘Fuck.’ He mumbled under his breath. ‘Shit. Do you want me to pull out or no?’

‘I-I don’t mind. Whichever you prefer.’ You babble. He nods.

‘I’ll come inside then, if that’s ok with you.’

A hum seals you fate as you feel yourself tip over the edge, quickly followed by feeling your insides filled to the brim. Your back arches at a ridiculous angle, pressing your chests together. Sabo rails you through your orgasm until you're a choked-up, panting mess. Not that he’s any different. He pulls out with a grunt and flops next to you, taking a minute to collect his breath before he stands to grab something to clean you both up.

In the few minutes you’re left alone, you want to cry. The way his touch felt on you felt so familiar and so comfortable, and the knowledge it was all caused by a drunk haze made you wanna cry. Tears collected on your lower lashes as you did your best not to let them spill.

‘Hey.’ Sabo cooes, leaning down beside you while he cleans up your legs. ‘What’s wrong, hun? Why are you crying?’

You shake your head, covering your face.

‘I’m not. It’s nothing. It’s just-‘ You stop, looking away from his gaze. ‘I miss him like freaking crazy, Sabo.’

The blond smiles, putting aside his cleaning supplies and lying next to you.

‘Same. Everyday.’ For a moment, it feels as if this isn’t a drunk conversation, but instead 2 people bonding through grief. You roll so you’re facing him, forehead pressed against his chest. ‘But I do wanna be able to protect you like he did.’

One of his hands strokes your hair gently, carefully tugging out any tangles. You’ve stopped crying, just listening to the quiet thump of your heartbeats.

‘Sabo?’

‘Yeah?’

‘I wanna learn to love you, the same way I loved him.’

A soft hum comes from above you and you feel his lips press against your temple. His arms wrap around you gently, keeping you warm.

‘Ok.’

©kodydrs

all rights and reserves are copyright to kodydrs on tumblr. this material is not to be copied or translated

[paingoes]

Rubies

Communication

authors note: kitty uses the word ‘nonverbal’ here in a way that isnt really medically accurate. thats kind of a whole discussion im not gonna get into now but tl;dr delta has selective mutism and autism but he isnt “nonverbal” per se.

(Content: living weapon whumpee, discussion of past captivity, past abuse, discussion of war, (internalized) abuse apologism, dehumanization, emotional whump)

================

katkittykat: hiiiiii :3c

nodiving: hey

He glanced over the top of his laptop screen, across the room where Kitty was curled up on the armchair. She flashed her teeth at him when she smiled. Her nails clicked against the keys when she typed.

katkittykat: this is so smart lowk idk why i didnt think of it sooner

nodiving: yeah

nodiving: i’ve seriously been drafting forum arguments in my head this entire time

nodiving: all of them probably think they won just cause i termed

nodiving: would it be weird if i just pick them back up like nothing happened

katkittykat: ya u might have to let those go tbh

nodiving: :/

It was very hard to type with the cast on. It took him much longer to write than it normally would. Luckily, she didn’t interrupt until she heard the typing stop.

katkittykat: so like whats the deal w u

katkittykat: are u not talking cause ur scared to?

nodiving: no

nodiving: yeah

nodiving: its not that im scared necessarily its just that its very very unnatural for me 

nodiving: it still feels rude and overfamiliar to me even if i know you dont see it that way

nodiving: this is a lot easier thank you

katkittykat: you dont have to talk if it’s uncomfortable !!!

katkittykat: its cool if ur nonverbal we can just keep texting like dis

nodiving: i think i do want to though

nodiving: its just hard

nodiving: please dont like…stop talking to me

nodiving: im trying

katkittykat: u will have to deal w us talking to u FUREVER !!!! >:3c

nodiving: <3

katkittykat: aaaaaaaah <33333

He hesitated a long time before typing the next message.

nodiving: do you think i should have stayed

katkittykat: what???? D:

nodiving: on a purely strategic level it seems like this was not the most optimal outcome

katkittykat: urghhhh 

katkittykat: well on a ~purely strategic level~ im not the best person to ask tbh

katkittykat: like im ngl galatea was NOT prepared for sudden reunification and thats why levon is so pissed at us X)

katkittykat: but it would have been hard no matter what and if the war had gone on we wouldve had to fight along 2 different fronts which is also noooooot good

katkittykat: and if we had to do that. we would have had to fight you! which would have been v v v not good  X(

katkittykat: so idk if there was really a better outcome? and even if there was like

katkittykat: its not ur problem

katkittykat: ur not just a chess piece to be moved around

nodiving: i kind of am though

nodiving: theres obviously been a huge fallout because of this and it feels wrong to write all of it off just because of. my rights or whatever.

nodiving: i feel like i kind of jumped the gun leaving when i did

katkittykat: aw jeez :(

katkittykat: i was curious abt that tbh i assumed there was some final straw for u but i didnt wanna pry obvs

katkittykat: seems like it was bad ?

nodiving: i dont know 

nodiving: i was more scared by the escalation it represented than anything that actually happened so i feel like i may have overreacted a little bit

nodiving: its hard to explain

katkittykat: ur ok! u can talk abt it when ur ready

katkittykat: but fwiw i really doubt you overreacted

nodiving: thank you

katkittykat: if anythin u seem to be kinda? downplaying it????

nodiving: it really wasnt that bad

nodiving: i could have gone longer

katkittykat: idk delta it kinda seems that bad

katkittykat: i think u got used to it

katkittykat: but that doesnt mean it wasnt bad

He gave her a nervous glance from across the room, his hands stilling on the keyboard. He reluctantly began to type again.

nodiving: did you say i didnt have to talk about it

katkittykat: yes!!!! mb

katkittykat: do u wanna play league omg we actually have time now

nodiving: yessssss

===========

nodiving: hi

sunspot: Hi Delta!!!! :)

sunspot: How are you !!!!

nodiving: im ok

nodiving: im sorry i was such a dick to you before 

nodiving: i was looking at the old messages again i feel really bad

sunspot: No you’re totally good! We were being really pushy i get why you were upset

sunspot: We were just worried for you honestly even when we didnt know you that well

sunspot: It was scary when you would just disappear for weeks at a time like that

sunspot: We just wanted to make sure you were safe

sunspot: Still do!

nodiving: thank you 

nodiving: i was scared too

nodiving: can i ask you something

sunspot: Yes please!!!! Yes I thought youd never ask!!!!

nodiving: is levon going to kill me

sunspot: Oh no

sunspot: He explicitly promised me not to

sunspot: Delta please do not tell me you have been worrying about that this entire time

nodiving: it stood out as a distinct possibility 

sunspot: Didnt he promise he wouldnt hurt you?

nodiving: yes

nodiving: you understand why i may be a bit hesitant to take him at his word

sunspot: Yes I guess thats our bad 

sunspot: But i really don’t think he wants that for you

sunspot: Do you think he’d wait for you to heal just to kill you at the end?

nodiving: not sure

sunspot: That was rhetorical! The answer was no.

nodiving: then what

sunspot: a good question

sunspot: I wish I had an answer for you and I really cant apologize enough for putting you in this situation but I'm afraid it could get very messy for a little while

nodiving: messy how

sunspot: In the broadest possible terms

sunspot: They dont really know what to do with you

sunspot: So that is something we are all going to have to figure that out together

=============

LEVON: Kitty.

LEVON: How are you, my sweet?

KITTY: omg hiiiiiii

KITTY: im rlly good actually things r rlly good!

LEVON: Any progress?

KITTY: ya i think so :)

KITTY: hes opening up a little hes still like. v v shy in person? but not as scared i dont think 

KITTY: hes very polite

LEVON: Poor thing.

LEVON: Does he have sensory issues? I hear that’s a big thing with psychics.

KITTY: ummm yeah hes v twitchy. i think he gets his signals crossed a lot but idk if hes aware of it? he just gets all hackle-y at literally nothing sometimes

LEVON: Interesting.

KITTY: how are things back there

LEVON: Well, it’s a shitshow. You’ll find out soon.

KITTY: eek

KITTY: um can i tell u smth

LEVON: Of course.

KITTY: i dont think hes ready yet 

LEVON: You have the rest of the month.

KITTY: no even then i just dont think hes gonna be ready

KITTY: he needs more time

LEVON: I feel like I’ve been more than generous in letting you keep an unsupervised superweapon(!) in your house for two months without disturbance 

LEVON: I’m not saying I’m going to put him through the ringer or anything but he does need to come back to base.

LEVON: You’re coming with him, so I don’t see what the issue is.

KITTY: will we b able to see him then :?

LEVON: Sure.

KITTY: can he room w me :3c

LEVON: Nope.

KITTY: why D:

LEVON: Security reasons. 

KITTY: levon :(

LEVON: This isn’t coming from me.

KITTY: but ur the boss!!!!

LEVON: Yes, but this isn’t an absolute monarchy. I’m still obligated to follow protocol and I’m obligated to listen to other members of the council.

LEVON: Who I should add, are a LOT less okay with this than I am. 

KITTY: ok i get all that but listen like

KITTY: i dont think u understand how fragile he is rn

LEVON: I think you may actually be underestimating him.

KITTY: uh wat do u mean by that

LEVON: He’s held his own within Empire for nineteen years. That’s not for the weak. He can handle a little strain.

KITTY: lol is that what u call it

KITTY: a little strain?

LEVON: Relatively speaking, yes. I’ll do what I can to make it painless for him. Personally, I think he’s innocent.

KITTY: he IS innocent

LEVON: Can you prove it?

KITTY: ITS SUPPOSED TO BE THE OTHER WAY AROUND!!!!

LEVON: That file you sent me. You made it, didn’t you? You’ve seen what’s on there? The casualty count?

KITTY: but thats not his fault!

LEVON: And I agree with you. But that’s what we’re going to have to establish. 

KITTY: but i dont want him to :(((

LEVON: What you want is not necessarily the basis upon which the courts operate.

==========

katkittykat: doing ok????

nodiving: yeah

nodiving: in my room

katkittykat: what do u do in there

nodiving: kinda just been sleeping a lot

nodiving: im really tired all the time i dont know why

nodiving: i didnt use to be

katkittykat: ur sleep debt is probably insaneeeeeee that why

nodiving: yeah

nodiving: im sorry that im like this btw

katkittykat: u dont need to apologize for resting bby theres nothing 2 b sorry for

nodiving: not just that i mean everything

nodiving: i know im not normal 

katkittykat: u rlly rllllly dont need to worry abt that around us i promise we r all freak bitches

katkittykat: i like talking to u tho and i think its ok if u dont realylly feel “normal” right now u dont need to b

katkittykat: u can just b urself and if u dont know who that is rn thats fine too becuz u have the rest of ur life to figure it out

katkittykat: i will still want to hang out w you anyway <3

It took a long time for him to respond. She thought he may have fallen asleep again.

nodiving: why are you being so nice to me

Her turn to hesitate. That was more of an Apollo question — he could explain it ad nauseam. She didn’t know what answer she could possibly give him, if he even really wanted one. 

There was so little she knew about Delta. Each glimpse she got of what his life had been like painted a worse picture of it. They always said he’s been through a lot when anyone asked; it was a convenient euphemism for a whole array of issues. He tried so hard to play his cards close it to his chest. It felt like a betrayal then, the way the signs slipped through. 

nodiving: you dont have to be

She frowned as she slowly tapped at the keyboard.

katkittykat: i wanna be tho

katkittykat: cause i like u

katkittykat: <3

Another moment of silence. She braced herself. There was no way she could try and unpack all of that herself. She hoped she would not have to. She would do it wrong.

nodiving: <3

…………

tags:

@catnykit @snakebites-and-ink @vivulapom @scoundrelwithboba @whatwhump

@pumpkin-spice-whump @deluxewhump @fuckass1000 @fuckcapitalismasshole @defire

@micechomper @writereleaserepeat @aloafofbreadwithanxiety

[dakotac0le]

Should I start listening to jrwi?/gen if so where should I start ?

OH YOOO !!!! I mean yes absoutlyllly jrwi r the silliests ever absoulslty. i started watching and now my brain hurts forever an di have been cursed. Join me dear mutual . Where to start uHHH perosnally id recomend blood in the bayou (bitb) cause rhats the shortest campaign (4 eps) and easily digestable. thr first ep is up on thier yourube and the rest is paywalled by patreon for 5 bucks a month but . Theres always other options . Wink wink nudge nudge to be noted abt bitb tho : Deffo got a lot of horror gore fuckery and drug usage jsut ^^ heads up and whatnot

annother one that exists is the sucking and i have no feelings abt it whatsoever. Or about aurthur bennet resident loser or about shilo residnt loser or about emizel resisdnt badass losser. I love them all so bad and the npcs r . Iconic. So iconic. This is the vampire campaign !!!!! Its peak sillysims ( and also quite a lot of horror esque elements here its the vampire campaign so also blood and gore and whatnot ykyk) The first 5 eps r up on yt for free and the rest r on patreon and theres no other way to watch it at all whatsoverr

BUT !!! If u dont vibe w wiether of those or horror is not ur speed theres a v swag campaign currently running (3 eps in and next ep come sout this sayurday !!) called Wonderlust highly recomend theres a gay frat boy , weird autistic rat and Blink (loser) (affectionite) . Its up on youthbe on thier chanel for free and its very funky fresh UHHHH theres also riptide !! The big one . tbh i havent ever watched it all the way thro cause theres sm eps and its veyr intimidating bUT i hear great things and ep 114 is sick as fuck to watch even w out the larger campign (same w ep 52 and 53) basiscally weird found family pirates love whatver theyve got going on AND that campaign is compeltly free up on thier yoruube

and the one u have probaly seen rbed the most by me is apothieosis aka weird gods lore . religion . canon gay sex . miserable robots. Like . Neon evangelion but WORSE !! (Patreon exclusive but not nessaraly :3) this is proably my favorite campaign its jsut. Brain altered .

AND THE OTHER one that i am normal abt and doesnt . Kill u . Dead. is prime defenders !!! Akaa !!! The one im veye nromal abt !!!!! normalll !!!!! This ones . Ahhhhhh uh hard to get into potentially erm . Theyre quite cringe but take my hand dearest mutual thecringe is apart of it they r cringe loser teenage superheros trying thier best. It also goes from cringe lighthearted cartoon physics to AH FUCK verrry fast and suddenly everything is . Bad. IF u like superheros or discussions on morality of kilkign people or father figures or being . Very . Very sad. I cant recomend enough !!!!!!! I mean i dont and dont watch this this one hurts physically and mentally and spirtually and bibblically and. GRRRR (this ones also technically patreon exclusive)

If u enjoy absousllty any of this i do recomend joining patreon if u have the ablity cause theres a loot of sick stuff up there including a mini campaign called tmk im v obbsesed w . And unforutnalty idk how to pirate thta uhhHh the world of tmk is slowly worming its way up to being one my faves tho and the story is great so !! Yk !!!

[boxwinebaddie]

Hi Uncle Neen! HYH! It sucks to see you struggling cuz you are a big inspiration of mine :( but you said you did your makeup the other day. Can we seeeeeeeeee maybe?

d'awwww ksahdlkdss, you are so sweet, nonnie! thank you so so soooo much, baby! xx i really needed this. i hope i heal ( i will...i have to, i am too much of an asshole to let god win, fuck him ) and i hope you heal from whatever harms you as well! you can do it! mWAH!~

-- also brb crying ;-; <3333 whenever y'all tell me i inspire you, it seriously makes me want to cry; you mean SO much to me, so to mean so much to you; it's Everything to me, my love. thank you for believing in me, know i believe infinitely in YOU and will keep fighting the good fight, living authentically and modelling pos behavior on this blog bc i take being a role model very seriously. :')

BUT ANYWAYS! sakhdlasd oh my god aaAaaAAAaa please!!! YOU ARE SO CUTE, THIS IS SO CUTE OF YOU, hELP AAAAA!!!!!! but yes, of course, of course. considering i am super bacteria nina right now and had to resign from my ( admittedly ) trash job and am no longer, at this moment, an education girlie ( besides on here, ofc, educating you on my two gay sons in love ), i can freely exist and post pictures of myself again! thank you for for giving me a safe place to do that. <3

i'll elaborate on what 'safe' means to me down below, but just for context i took this...sigh...last week, when i was told i would 'all better', just trying to feel like myself again after a month of being unmadeup and unfitted and ugly and troll-like and on death fucking row and fucking miserable as hell, i had my new hair appointment lined up, was about ready to take life by the balls again...and that shit BLUE BALLED ME SO HARD AND SAID *ravenstan vc* JK, BABY!

okay, sorry i have some really bad scarring and wounding up there by my neck so i had to cover her up but...there she is! the she beast!

as for posting pictures of myself just...please...PLEASE BE KIND. and i wish i meant that as a joke, i mean it very, VERY seriously. i am at a point right now, where i look my very fucking worst, i am weaker than i have ever been in my life, there are abrasions all over my body, which per the results of my culture ( i was right...several fucking times and no one would listen to me ) my body is trying to kill me and right now...it is Winning. ( i'm not gonna lose tho, dw, i am a nasty bitch from hell and i refuse to die this ugly, i fucking won't; choke )

tldr; I AM VERY VERY VERY SENSITIVE ABOUT HOW I LOOK. I DO NOT FEEL PRETTY, I AM LIKE ONE BAD COMMENT AWAY FROM TEARING THE SKIN OFF MY FACE AND I AM TELLING YOU GUYS I CANNOT DO THAT, I CANT CREATE ANY TEARING ON MY BODY OR THE BACTERIA WILL TUNNEL AND ITS HARD ENOUGH AS A BITCH WITH DERMATILOMANIA.

PLEASE BE NICE TO ME.

i know we shoot the shit on here and are funny and clown eachother, you guys are my family; it's what families do, but my boundary is that you can say i am pretty and be objectively kind or Please do not send me anything At ALL about how i look; i CANNOT take it rn. i know were just joking, but please, please, PLEASE Do NOT compare me to any ugly creatures, make me feel weird about any part of my face, tell me i look blurry, say anything is too big or too small…

please don’t meme on me abt my appearance...Ever.

it’s a very sensitive spot for me and makes me v anxious.

all this to say, i love you; thank you for being my home.

HYH.

-uncle nina, single ravesey mother and human petri dish

[superdeluxeaverage]

I know i did the right thing cause me n other coworkers have discussed that its the only direction but i definitely have this funny feeling about it the manager i talked to abt it who was the same one who interviewed me to hire me way back when was like "id hate to see you leave cause we all enjoy working with you" and that has me sad i rly do like the managers aside from the one who acts evil like idk despite everything i can see theyre just trying to run the store maybe its too sympathetic when i start to think abt things like the amount we're gettint paid n their refusal to rly get more full time cashiers and overworking a v v small team rn but iiim like idk atleast feel some humanity when interacting w/ them n i kno they enjoy my presence in a sense maybe cause im not necessarily a hard worker but always kinda am positive abt things idk its got me thinking. Im approaching 9 months working here soon its almost gonna be a year but it gives me a weird feeling like i dont feel bad abt it a job alone is great and i like my coworkers alot and dont have as many overall complaints amd suffererimg as they do and i have grown for the better feeling way more positive n cute n having a p consistent wardrobe i can feel comfortable and myself in while outside n also more of an understanding of my peers but on the one hand this whole feeling of me as just some yes man pushover has come up i feel genuinely awful giving the same type of smiles and constant thank yous to coworkers that i give to customers like even tho im honest it looks like im faking. I dont feel defeated or drained but just idk. Confused abt it all

[izzy-b-hands]

My doctor messaging me at 12:30 in the morning to tell me she wants to do a telehealth visit abt the side effects I'm having with my new Lamotrigine dose (including worse insomnia than my usual insomnia, as u may have guessed lmao) is. something.

[berniecranes]

One thing that kind have irked me a little bit is John's views in the game. No, not the fundamentals I disagree with, as that is obvious. But the inconsistencies with what they built up for him. They're minor details, it doesn't really change much, but excuse this ramble I am going into. It's going to be talking about the VW, and some of the tactics used in it, so I want to give a full warning for this.

Also I want to preface this as this is not to defend John. I have been more than adamant on the fact that John is a scary, shitty, C*A Officer regardless of anything else.

As you may know, John makes a passing comment to Lincoln about how LBJ is handling the war. He says "President Johnson is a goddamn pussy. He started that war, he should finish it." which clearly shows John, a. Puts blame on LBJ for pushing the war, obviously being lighter towards Jack's actions earlier on. Whether he is a believer that Jack wouldn't have escalated the war, or he wouldn't have had it get this bad/would have handled it better, that is up for debate. And b. He wants it to end. Which is an obvious, I think assuming him and Lincoln want this war to be over makes sense. But, especially with the idea he was a C*A Officer; because at this time, the C*A and M*litary were not hand in hand allies, as I believe that happened either with N*xon or the 80s, I cannot remember fully right now. They often opposed views. And with this, the C*A believing they "ACTUALLY want to the end the war"; whereas the m*litary wants "glory." Now, I would like to point out, just because John wants the war to end doesn't make him anti-war. As we hear how he feels abt anti-war protesters. Clearly he still believes they should do their """civic duty""" or whatever. Regardless of if you're happy with it or not, or be quiet and go along with it, I guess.

But this really is where my biggest gripe comes in. John says the way to end the war is "filling up the sky with B-52s" AKA, keep bombing V*etnam. This has been the tactic that has been FAILING. LBJ has been critiqued even in his own Party that he needs to stop the bombing & to start negotiations. But the thing with LBJ, he is too stubborn likes to do things his way. And, do you know who opposed continuous bombing? The C*A. While I know clearly not EVERYONE did, but then tell me why....when they established John is unhappy with how things are going, especially with what LBJ is doing.....WHY he would be pro the tactics that ISN'T working? UGH! It just makes no sense to me. And to go on and continue to mock him when he haults the bombings? Like hello?

And no, I do not believe he would want N*xon or whatever because I still do believe he is a democrat. I think his staunch support for Jack should definitely still be noted. He wouldn't go SO hard for a politician he believed in...if he didn't believe in him you know? Remember John is a man of this time, he's an actively present adult. He isn't looking at it 60 yrs later, he's looking at it in the moment. I think it's more than fair to say his frustration of LBJ doesn't show he is suddenly against him or whatever. Because they're just that; frustrations. Especially in the conference, we see how the war fucked with John and how he feels about everything as a whole. But it is true, the handling of the war overshadowed literally EVERYTHING LBJ did. And I'm not saying that is a bad thing, when your screw up (putting that lightly) is a literal mass killing of an entire group of people, that is GONNA be the focus of what you did. Oh, but with the line where John says if Jack was still around N*xon wouldn't be president. I believe that is a rather loaded answer, not as simple as Jack would be elected, because he couldn't have been, it would already be 2nd term. The plan always would have been Bobby would try after Jack, then Teddy. But I think he still holds a lot of his hopes in what the nation could have been with him, and truly feels Am*rica "lost its way" or whatever. But yeah, I think it's clear he still is aligned this way regardless of the many wrong things John does or say.

Like I mentioned, this is by no means me defending him or the C*A, as they were doing terrible shit. As we know the Ph*onix Pr*gram (which to remind you, M3 has John AND Lincoln involved in that for some reason...) exists, and many other things are public about their doings there. I just think this shows how the game lacks to really show anyone's core views or thoughts. Instead of using John as a way to show the many different views, they should have stuck to one and have him do that. Instead, they went with this, something that literally makes NO sense.

Below the cut are all the John lines I mentioned and also a passage or two from the book V*etnam: A History by St*nley K*rnow

Added in alt text so hopefully they're all easier to read, I apologize abt the book pictures, they were taken last year in the middle of me reading so often I just got a quick pic and continued on, aha

[judeswhore]

Uhh im also a big big book lover🫶🏻 what’s ur fav tropes,genres,books,book series..

I have not once in my entire life met,seen it talked to a book lover im so excited rn😭

we luv book lovers here!!!! i could honestly talk for hours abt the books i’ve read bc it’s just my favourite thing in the world🤭🤭my favourite book of all time is these violent delights by chloe gong like i adore it so so bad and the other books in the secrets of shanghai universe are just incredible (i love chloe) the last book came out last week but i’m so scared to read it bc i don’t want it to end :((( the song of achilles by madeline miller is also right up at the top it’s so beautifully written and completely ruined me. my fav series is probably a good girls guide to murder by holly jackson or the shadowhunter series as a whole (but mostly the infernal devices and the dark artifices) and i’m so excited for the wicked powers series!!! i feel like i’m definitely a fantasy or romance girly tbf bc that’s usually what i read but lately i’ve tried to read a lot more thriller/true crime books to try and branch out. idk if i have a favourite trope overall tho tbf but i am a sucker for friends to lovers to enemies to lovers (romajuliette slayed it so hard),,, pregnancy trope is the WORST trope imo idk i just feel like it puts me off reading a book if i know that’s included idek why. if anyone’s interested im reading the ember in the ashes series and misfit by elle kennedy rn and i’m v impressed with both <33

[angelpuns]

RAAAAAAAAAAAAH CASEY JR BEING SO SWEET--- Ranting anon DID see your post abt the commentary stuff btw and IM SO GLAD YOU APPRECAITE THESE!! (ngl was starting to feel like it'd get annoying soon lol-) but INTO ANALYZING! Omg Casey Jr being so sweet in the new update! He's so understanding and kind and actually asks Leo "Hey, what's up, what are you doing" and asking him stuff instead of telling him things like the bros tried to do I just KOIJHUGY- Lil Leo is so sweet! He just wants his family back man and the fact that he's already so open with CJ proves that it isn't hard to get him to talk, you just have to prove you're trustworthy! And CJ did! Lil man just wants to go home and the fact that his reasoning for trying to unbrainwash his dad is always that someone else needs him, not that Leo needs him! That little detail just shows off how bad he wants to be a hero and how he wants his real family back and I just K,MNJHBG MY HEART!!!! Plus that he just wants to go home, man he's a tiny little kid he's gonna get tired and frustrated so quickly and now at least he can rely on Cj for just a little! I love everything so much- K,,JMNHGBV you've stolen my heart, thief- /pos

IT'S NEVER ANNOYING IT MAKES ME V V V HAPPY

oh you just wait until later NO SPOILERS BUT YOU JUST WAIT CAUSE!! I am so excited about CJ and Leo's lil arc here it is so so so so important-

CJ: what are you doin

Leo: OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO FIX EVERYTHING

CJ: makes sense makes sense

I def feel like if he'd had more time to talk with Leo, Mikey would be in a similar situation of at LEAST being able to have Leo explain to him how he's feeling. like Mikey will never fully get it and I think Leo knows that to some degree. KIDS ARE P EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT OKAY

[troglobite]

re: abandoning idea that you're special

currently trying to deal w this bc it was all so mundane.

but the way i've been treated…like it hurts MORE if i accept that the reason ppl treated me that way is just bc they're boring and mean, and i was a convenient target.

it hurts MORE if there's nothing for me to change abt myself and try and learn that way. it hurts MORE if my pain therefore doesn't matter to anyone.

like my therapist keeps saying this shit is PROTECTIVE, it's not just punishing myself, it's protecting myself from a reality that hurts worse and makes me mean less.

it doesn't HAVE to, but it's not easy or simple and it doesn't make me feel better, and given everything else going on i'm sort of just too tired rn to fully come to grips w this.

i don't think i'm special in a positive or negative way, just unique in a stupid way.

it's also really hard to accept if i have never met a single person w the same experience as me that makes me feel the most pathetic.

like not identical but there are a few things where i'm like, okay even ppl who say they relate still had xyz and i didn't. not trying to nitpick or be special, but it makes me feel worse when someone in THEORY is like I Get It! and then they v much don't in a way that makes me look more pathetic

here i'll be specific:

d/von pr/ce also just posted abt this

there was a lesbian who msged them and said early 20s, haven't ever been kissed, on a date, no one has expressed interest, what should they do? what's going on? is it just bc they've missed the flirting bc they're autistic?

and the response was stop being self-obsessed and pay attn to other ppl then pursue ppl and ask for what you want, don't be passive in your own experience of attraction, etc.

and i can't speak for that person, but

why would i ever do that when i have spent my entire life being ridiculed for existing and other ppl have thought it was a JOKE when i found someone attractive

like

idk abt that person, but for me it is very much not me being a PASSIVE PERSON or NOT PAYING ATTENTION to what i like or find interesting abt others

i am not self-obsessed (in the Make People Like Me way) to the point that i don't pay attention at all

piloting in conversations AT ALL is VERY DIFFICULT, and that INCLUDES just trying to learn abt someone

i'm just tired and angry. nothing i do has a good outcome. with people.

and it's not--my passivity or obsession w Being Likable (which arguably i have deliberately failed at multiple times in my life) that made me lonely or confused.

it was the hatred and bigotry of other people

and these two forces are always at war in my head

"stop telling me everything wrong w me and my life is my fault. it's not. stop acting like me taking a ~simple~ action will fix it, it won't. i'm trying my best and right now i'm so tired i'm just conserving energy and trying to even mentally and emotionally think abt and process everything that i haven't bothered REALLY thinking abt before."

and then also

"there must be something fucking wrong w me for so many ppl to so casually and mundanely HATE me. i must be bad at conversations. at people. i must be annoying. i must be doing something wrong. if i could just figure out what."

and then the advice is always

unmask!

stop worrying abt that!

take an active interest in people!

as if being unmasked and trying to be interested in people hasn't been LITERALLY THE INCITING INCIDENT FOR SO MUCH OF MY, again, very boring and mundane abuse.

so no, reaching out and taking an interest in people and asking for what i want isn't going to go well. it's also a pandemic and I CANNOT LEAVE THE FUCKING HOUSE so my options are LIMITED.

and no, unmasking is incredibly painful with very limited benefits.

i am a very precarious point in my life, and i can't imagine being MORE VISIBLY DISABLED is going to help me AT ALL.

and no, abandoning this idea that i'm "special" is not helpful and not possible at this moment.

that lesbian that reached out to DP is younger than me, and that is still the closest i've ever come to someone ACTUALLY relating to me on that front.

i have never been on a date. i am almost 29 years old. people consider that a RED FLAG abt me.

everything i listen to has ppl expressing surprised or amusement if someone hasn't had sex by a certain age, or kissed by a certain age.

or ppl saying "it's fine if you're a late bloomer lesbian, in my experience most of us don't care if it's you're first time with a woman"

how about first time, PERIOD? how about first relationship, PERIOD?

it's just this whole part of life that i've never been a part of and i WANT.

i was interested in boys in school. i DID pursue them. in the classically awkward but not overly creepy (as far as i can remember) way of young preteens and teens.

and it was never received well. it never went well.

i'm just tired.

i don't want platitudes "oh life will be better if you do xyz" or "tons of ppl share that experience, it isn't unique"

i want an actual person w the same experience to look me in the eye and say "yeah that happened to me, too. it was awful."

i pay so much attention to other people that i have fun fancy little categories for them all in my head. not in a mean or limiting way, but where i get to see them grouped w other ppl and i can see Patterns in humanity--what i've seen of humanity.

i think abt my friends & other ppl & their lives and appearances and experiences and what i like abt them or just thinking abt them and taking them in.

yes i pay attn to making myself as inoffensive as possible--but based on what i know abt those ppl. i couldn't do what i do if i wasn't paying attention to other ppl in a very close and important way. all i do is think abt and anticipate how others might feel. i try to be considerate. i try to frame my language in a way that's helpful or clear to them. i don't want to hurt them or show that i misunderstood them if i did--i want to make sure i understand them as much as i can.

conflict is a part of life, and in theory it's fine--the problem is that even productive conflict rarely ever goes well for me. even if i want to address it. even if i try and handle it REALLY well.

i'm just tired of responses that flatten out the REASONS why things go poorly, the REASONS these are the protective strategies and masking i've had to learn.

my "problem" is that i don't care if it hurts me. and that no one cares abt my hurt.

but i've had to pay close attention to others my whole life. i've had to do things to make life survivable. and i don't even have it that bad.

i'm in this stupid grey area where it's not that bad so i should just get over it.

then i get yelled at for comparing myself to others, when it's all i've been taught to do.

everything i do is wrong and my fault and i'm tired.

[finnlongman]

u seem so passionate and as someone who doesn't have a Great Passion in life I am v curious abt that. do u think u were always bound to be interested in writing & medieval Irish literature, regardless of what happened? if u didn't have them, do u think u would have developed different, equally strong Passions (i.e do u think u are just "wired" for passion)? or would u have "missed the boat" so to speak if u didn't come across them? (+ do u have advice for someone like me, w/o a "Great Passion"?)

Oh, that's a really interesting question. I often wonder what would have happened if my grandma hadn't given me The New Policeman and sparked my interest in folklore and trad music that eventually led me to medieval lit, that's for sure.

I do think I'm wired for passion, because I seem utterly incapable of having casual hobbies. Everything I do, I kind of throw myself into, which is not always sensible or practical. I have a history of taking up a new hobby, getting super into it for a year or so (to the point of planning a career or at least a competitive hobby around it), and then moving on to something else. So although I often circle back to the previous hobbies, my past is still littered with those I've abandoned...

I have a deeply all-or-nothing personality, which can be destructive at times. I'm also, frankly, incapable of spending time on anything that bores me, so if it doesn't grab the "all", it gets the "nothing", and I drop it almost immediately. I suspect I may have ADHD, although I haven't been diagnosed, and this seems to be reflected in the way I'll bounce around a handful of different things that I care deeply about, because if I try and do the same thing for too long, I'll get bored and drop it, and things I don't care much about can't grab my interest enough to let me bounce to them.

Hence, as well as medieval Irish literature I also write novels in a range of genres, and between edits for one novel I'll run off and write something completely different, and when I'm not doing that I'm in the dance studio, etc etc. This is a recipe for burnout, and I have chronic pain and fatigue already, so I'm not saying this is a good thing. Just that it seems to be how I'm wired.

But sometimes I feel I care too passionately about too many different things, and I envy those who have One Thing that they're good at, and can focus on, and which they don't periodically have to run away from for a few months so they don't break their interest in it forever.

I don't think there's anything wrong with not being a super intense all-or-nothing kind of person – many therapists would say it's better not to be, as you'll be less inclined to take a "boom and bust" approach to life, i.e. wildly overcommitting to things until you burn out/injure yourself/have a breakdown because you didn't know when to stop. There is a lot to be said for having a casual interest in many things!

That said, if you're finding it super hard to be interested in anything and everything's leaving you cold... you MIGHT be depressed. I've been there. So just worth thinking about. But if you're just Normal Levels of Interested in things, that is completely okay! Not everybody is a hyperfocusing weirdo like me!

Finally, it might just be that you haven't found your thing yet. I didn't really get into the Ulster Cycle properly until final year undergrad, even though I'd been into medieval Irish lit from the start, and it wasn't until I started engaging with it creatively (i.e. writing To Run With The Hound) that I started getting really emotionally invested on more than an academic level. It just needed the right moment and the right circumstances to click.

My advice is to keep exploring what interests you, keep finding new ways to engage with the things that interest you, and don't be afraid to bounce around and try out different ones. But some people are more restrained in their passions and that's not a bad thing – it may even be a good thing in many ways.

[etchedstars]

you're watching wyfstw? are you enjoying it?

for me it was an interesting movie.

(that entire family needs So Much therapy. ...and i personally don't like the mom v much....)

i have. i have so many mixed feelings abt wyfstw. thank you for giving me an opportunity to talk abt it ,, im around halfway thru rn SO . maybe they get better idk

ZIGGY . my god the secondhand embarrassment. im like yeah he cant be that bad and then he talks abt his music AGAIN and i fight the urge to shut off my computer . and lila just. seems so done w him and he cant take the HINT god i know ppl do dumb things when it comes to crushes but shit man i have never seen a dumber person than ziggy i stg . i can appreciate his character as a whole but dude it is getting so so hard when he tells everyone in his life to shut the fuck up . i want to study his brain but i dont think theres a single coherent thought there

(lila is. Very Pretty . i get where he's coming from i rlly do)

the mom ,,,,,, i also don't like the mom very much idk i also think she's a Very Good Character but she's like. she is so passive aggressive and awkward and stuff at the same time and rn it feels like she's forcing her way into kyle's life as a stand in for ziggy and i think it'd just be better if she just tried to talk to ziggy more often and if he was more receptive to it . i know for a fact that i would be SO uncomfortable around her irl she just ,,,,, standoffish. mf get help ., please get help ,,

feel so bad for the dad rn dude id cry if those were members of my family he's stronger than i am fr

it's like. a good movie and it has good points and everything /gen i just. i'm slowly going insane watching these characters try to interact with each other. ic ant watch this movie in segments longer than 20 minutes i swear (i'm being dramatic)