#and i am a really great history of science student actually

[astriiformes]

Working on my degree proposal and for all I am hard on myself for my (slightly higher than average, but still fairly average) GPA, mostly because I worry about it hurting my chances at grad school, I feel like it still says something that I actually do have straight As in my history of science classes in particular. If nothing else, I'm more than a little proud of myself for that

[scholarmercurio]

Hi ! Welcome to my blog !

My name is Mercury. Well, not exactly, but I love the name, and my ruling planet is mercury. I thought it was fitting.

A little about me

I am 26 years old, I owned two black cats, a dog, and a ferret. I love to read, drink tea, go on hikes, visit the beach, write screenplay, watch movies, and other stuff I will be sharing along the way.

Why scholarmercurio ?

well, here's the thing. I'm a returning college dropped out student at the moment.

you see, in the summer of 2024, i made the decision to return back to college. Shortly enough, I re-enrolled to my community college and started my studies in Fall 2024. We're now in Spring 2025 and finishing up the semester. Nice !

you see, I wanted to call it scholarmercurio bc I wanted a blog to record my studies, grades, effort, and blog about my study routine and share my thoughts. I usually write in my journal, but I wanted to try something new, and thus, my blog is born :)

why did I drop out (like approx. 5 times...yikes) ?

okay, okay. Was it 5 times ? mmhh, maybe ?? but numbers don't really matter, right ?

I don't remember exactly if it was 5 times, but it does feel like that. I started my college journey at 19 at my local community college. When I was in high school, I knew I didn't want to attend college. At least at that moment. I had other priorities: moving to NYC, attend community college, and then transfer to NYU. But at that time, my parents and one of my siblings weren't very supportive. I didn't have strong barriers, nor a strong mindset.

So I falter and decided to attend college at home. It actually went great. the first two semesters, I got A's and B's, and I was majoring in Biology for pre-vet. It wasn't so bad, but around the third semester, doubts and mental spirals started to brew. I started to see the classes I needed to take and the years it would take to finish. Then, the spiraling of my thoughts would go back and forth in what I want to study and become. It was a state of torment I stayed in for 6 years. I would take a class, dropped out of it, or take easy classes to pass, change my associate major to history, biology, back to history, to English, back to biology, and finished with an associate of arts in history. In January 2024, I self reflected a lot. I was working at a job I hated, and I was still lingering on an incomplete associate of science in biology degree, I was confused about what I wanted to do with my life. So that year before starting Fall 2024, I reflected a lot. I started to trace my steps back in how all this started and why I let it happen. I knew only one thing. I can't change my past, even though the feelings of wanting to were strong, but I can't change it. I had to really decide, linger on the past and remain stuck, or move forward and step into new challenges, where at least I won't be stuck.

I told myself that I would start classes in the fall. I got two classes since it was what I could afford at the time. physics 1 and intro chem.

side note: intro chem was the start of my mind spiraling and doubting, switching my major back and forth. I was struggling so badly, and other people around me were passing. I felt like an idiot not understanding basic chemistry.

I started my steps to my associate of science for biology. The semester went well, and I passed. What felt like I wasn't smart enough to take STEM classes became the start of doing your best, and keep moving forward.

So yeah, i may have dropped out 5 times and have probably 5 gaps, but I feel more confident in myself than I did 6 years ago. I still have a lot of things to reflect on, but those will be for other posts.

what's my major ?

good question ! since my favorite studies are history and biology, I wanted a career field that has both subjects together.

I couldn't think of anything at the time, so I asked chatgpt, and surprisingly enough, I found my career!

Musuem curator. Yes! it requires a degree in history, and if I want my experience and direction to work with artifacts and restoration, I would need a degree in biology or chemistry. Chemistry would be a more obvious choice, but for now, until I can speak to an advisor and transfer to a university, I will still be a biology major.

I am hoping to double major, and if not, then major into art history or natural history with a minor in chemistry. I love biology, but if chemistry is more suited degree to work in the career field I'm working towards, then so be it.

I took a long time and years of being stuck. I'm not afraid to fail or have setbacks. I already did that and know how it feels. Now, I want to know how it feels to have accomplishments and opportunities.

That's my motivation. Better my life. Enjoy my thirties and other ages, with a career that I love.

I have so many aspirations and dreams, but as I approach my thirties, I don’t want to remain in a lingering phase with nothing to show for. Instead, I will snap these dreams in a smaller portrait - accomplished and meaningful.

I will try to be active on my blog !

thank you for reading ! more to come soon !!

P.S. this is a study blog, so all posts will be about academic related post.

enjoy !

💌 best regards,

mercury

[hyperpotamianarch]

All right, so I have news for anyone who's interested in my Jewsade/Jewish dæmonism stuff! After not doing anything with it since I've hit a wall with no idea on how to actually write it, I am now considering using Maharal of Prague as a framing device that could connect the story to the main characters of His Dark Materials. Maharal is most well known for having rumored to have created a Golem - it's actually the most famous Golem story to exist - but he was more interesting a person than that. He was well studies in Philosophy and Kabbalah, as well as Astronomy and various other sciences. He was born in Poland about 30 years after the Alhambra decree in Spain, meaning he was a baby/young child at the time the supposed Jewsade may have occured. He was known to have conversed with Emperor Rudolph II later in life. In addition, his teachings later influenced the Chassidut movement.

I'm not really explaining his significance well, but he is an important figure who had the Golem legend grow around his character and fights against Blood Libels centuries after his death. And the fact that the Alethiometer was supposedly invented in Prague at around the time of his death helps.

You see, my idea of it currently is something along the lines of: Lyra, in the midst of studying the Alethiometer, finds some vague references to an early scholar named Long Loew. There is only one note from him which is very interesting, but there's very little about who he was and what are other stuff he said. After researching she finds a book that explains a bit more about him, which might be the heart of the story. That, or she'll slowly uncover hints and the story will progress in two parallel lines - one telling of the life of Rabbi Yehuda Loew of Prague and his struggles with the rising power of the Magisterium and another about Lyra uncovering his life and learning about the current state of Judaism under the Magisterium-dominated Europe. It will likely include some throwaway lines about the Jewsade and its outcome and about shifts in centers of Judaism. Some spotlight might also be given to Rabbi Mordechai Yaffeh (but only because I like him. He doesn't seem to have interacted with Maharal much even though he also served as the Rabbi of Prague for some time while Maharal was living in another city) and to some of Mahahral's students. There will also have to be some talk about the Shulchan Aruch and such books, but that's another thing.

Part of the idea here is also to remind people that Jews were involved in scientific development, to a degree. Some famous rabbis had exchanges with famous Astronomers. Due to how a Christian-dominated world generally works, though, you're unlikely to find discoveries made by Jewish scholars around the 16th-17th centuries. At least so I think, I'm far from an expert on that topic. Either way, I think this kind of story might lend itself easier to write. It does lose the angle of focusing on Sepharadi Jews, but I'm hardly qualified for that anyway. I think Maharal's type of philosophy might work very well with dæmons and the Alethiometer, though I do need to study it more (which I guess makes the fact one of my distant great uncles was a scholar of Maharal very convenient). I do still need to read the Secret Commonwealth to understand adult Lyra better and see how such a story might work - for example, might Pantalaimon go alone to the Jewish quarter of Prague when Lyra is unwilling to? What would each of them find out? What could really drive Lyra to check out one particular scholar? So, that's the bad news: after having a hard time starting to read the Secret Commonwealth, any progress that might be done is postponed until after I read it. I do intend to try and do it quickly, though.

So, yeah. I intend trying to talk about Jewish life in Lyra's world through the eyes of an old Jewish Rabbi, Philosopher and Kabbalah student, or maybe two or three of those. I will need to thouroughly research their history, but that's going to be fun (hopefully). Plus, I'm descended from Maharal! So this is kind of uncovering family history!

Thank you for reading, and have a wonderful day!

[girlboybird]

Was watching a video yesterday when an argument was made for ai art that rubbed me the wrong way but didn't know how to express my thoughts at the time. (I'm an art student, not an expert. Would love to discuss.)

It was a pro-ai argument for art that discussed how throughout history when new developments in art were made, it was discredited every time by people who didn't see it as "real art" (which for me brought to mind examples of the photograph, conceptual art, the shift from hand-drawn to digitized animation, etc). By being anti-ai, the argument was that people are discrediting a new technology completely that could bring about great change and completely shift the artistic landscape in the future.

Additionally, there was a mention of data usage and how they very much wanted their data used to contribute to the datasets for ai development, and had opted in, specifically mentioning that everyone should get a choice in whether or not their data should be used, which I very much agree with. This part of the argument I'm not concerned with, I think informed and consensual data contribution to companies is so important and if you want to give away your data for that cause that's just fine (... i think you should be PAID with MONEY for that data usage, but that's a whole other thing). It has to be consented to, and if people opt out, you can't use their data. Seemingly easy.

It's the part about historical movements that got to me, lumping together artistic / technological developments as positive jumps forward with a certain group of detractors who are on the "wrong side of history". I think examining what is actually at play now and what makes this situation different from previous examples is what people are so concerned about.

My issues with ai that i can think of off the top of my head:

steals from millions of people without their consent

heavily monetized and intertwined in corporate profit

destabilizes entire industries, creative unions, countless jobs

aids in misinformation and constant plagiarism

disrupts the education of students globally and the jobs of teachers

massive environmental impact and energy requirements to keep the development going

No artistic movement I can think of has had such dire consequences. I don't just hate ai as an art medium because it makes shitty garbage, because it's eliminating jobs I once thought I could have, even because it's stealing from me, actively, right now. I am overwhelmed by the amount terrible results that have emerged from the development of ai, and no matter how interesting art eventually becomes with the aid of that technology, I will never forget what that technology is taking from people across the world. Until those problems are fixed (some of which NEVER will be because exploitations is so engrained in the way ai functions), I can never call myself someone who is pro-ai.

I think of the development of photography, specifically the daguerreotype (a technology that was stolen by Dagguerre from the original inventor Niepce) which came about and changed the landscape of images. Painters who once did the job a photographer could do in a fraction of the time lost jobs, and there was a struggle to determine the legitimacy of photography as an art and a science.

I think of the growth of conceptual art, working beyond the image to create experiences, to use one's body as the canvas, to experiment with performance, perception, endurance. People criticized these movements as non-art movements, but they endure today as really important concepts in the art world.

Even the more recent shift in the 80s-90s, the shift from hand-drawn animation to digital animation. People did lose jobs, industries did shift and that form of animation became much harder as digital animation became the cheaper, quicker alternative which was preferred by companies funding projects.

These cases have never had such vast impacts as we're facing now with the growth of ai, and even though there is work being created today including the use of certain ai algorithms that I do enjoy and find really interesting (ex. Hito Steyerl, Rachel Maclean, Heather Dewey-Hagborg), this doesn't erase the constant advertisement I receive about shitty ai programs, search engines overrun by ai images, the PEERS I have around me who go to university today and write assignments using ai, and the massive water usage of tech centers dedicated to house ai systems.

This topic is exhaustive and I've only barely gotten my thoughts out on this, may or may not add onto this later. The industry is constantly changing and I know things have to get better, but the rock bottom feeling I'm experiencing when I face the subject is sooo strong. Going back to drawing comics now.

[delta-queerdrant]

where are your troubles now? forgotten? (Resistance, s2 e12)

(POV you’re watching the Barbie intro but it’s Star Trek screenwriters. Please indulge me.)

Once, in another century, there was a show called Star Trek Voyager. (Cue 2001: A Space Odyssey music.) A lady and two dudes created it. Occasionally other ladies cowrote episodes. But by the time Season Two rolled around, there were not so many ladies. Actually there was just Jeri Taylor, and by god she tried. But one lady cannot be all things to all people.

Then in November 1995, a great miracle happened. A new lady was hired to write a teleplay. It was fresh, inventive! Something was happening!

Her name was (music crescendos)

L I S A K L I N K

I don’t know much about Lisa Klink, except that “Resistance” marks the beginning of her multi-season involvement in Voyager, and that she was a five-time Jeopardy winner. (I do not watch Jeopardy, I would not be good at Jeopardy, but Jeopardy people are nevertheless my people.) Mostly I know that I turned on “Resistance” and, despite my general disinterest in the show’s production history, immediately asked: who the FUCK wrote this?

“Resistance” is not a perfect episode, but after half a season of flailing, it is a revelation. Klink, writing the script for a story by Michael Jan Friedman and Kevin J. Ryan, has a clear vision of what Voyager can be - a show that’s grounded, emotionally resonant, and trusts its actors. 

I am partial to the gritty, Blade Runner-inflected, Firefly/BSG brand of science fiction television, so when we started in media res, our heroes in civvies doing deals in an outdoor market, I died and went to cyberpunk heaven. (Neelix’s coat alone is worth the price of entry.) Instead of swanning across the galaxy like tourists in a slightly under-resourced cruise ship, the Voyager gang are finally the scrappy underdogs they ought to be.

This is our second Janeway episode of the season, and the first episode, perhaps of the series, that really gives her a character mandate beyond “strong but feminine captain who loves her dog.” Mulgrew has her work cut out for her, acting against JOEL FUCKING GREY, but they’re both marvelous. Waking in the home of the enigmatically batty Caylem (in a claustrophobic sequence whose stagey absurdism recalls a Beckett play), Janeway slowly grows to understand that Caylem, who’s decided she’s his daughter, might be her best ally for escape. The growing emotional connection between the two is so tender and understated; as a writer, Klink has mastered the light touch.

Janeway and Caylem end up collaborating with the local resistance movement to rescue Torres and Tuvok, who have been imprisoned by the lawful evil overlords of this world. Our characters genuinely feel like they are in big trouble! Torres and Tuvok’s prison stint is rough. (I did enjoy B’Elanna’s beatnik dissident prison garb. She looks like it is approximately 1956 and she is a French student who has been arrested for throwing a baguette at a cop.)

The only weak sequence is the prison break itself, which feels too easy and relies on a tired “sex worker disguise” subterfuge. But the ending is so satisfying and will break your heart.

Once Janeway’s back in uniform, it feels like we’ve truly been on a journey, one that brings to mind iconic episodes like “The Inner Light.” Voyager is a long way from home, and I want these characters to go through transformative experiences. The boldness of this episode gets us a little bit of the way there.

A radical reimagining of Voyager, and the best episode of season two in my estimation. I award this one 4.5/5 melon hats.

[absolutebl]

Recs for Uni or HS BLs where studying impacts plot

My ask box is bonkers, sometimes I get a message in email saying someone asked a question and then when I check on the hellsite itself, it's gone... (What does this MEAN?)

Anygay...

@sagi-kari asked a question:

Do you have any recs for Uni or HS BLs where the main focus is studying or study related (they have to actually do the thing). Like LITA with Rain's studies being a caveat to their relationship or Big Dragon with Mangkorn's New York internship/job idr.

Basically, the study needs to be an important thing to the narrative.

This is a doozie and I'm only gonna rec stuff I rated over 8/10

University & HS BL Revolving Around Study

Semantic Error - class conflict is the inciting event, and this is one of my favorite BLs of all time. So yeah, it tops the list. I am assuming you have watched it because EVERYONE must watch this little pice of perfect. Full review here.

Blueming - the school project is the source of the conflict, this is a complicated chewy very thoughtful BL, longer than normal for Korea. If you enjoy things like The 8th Sense you might like this. Full review here.

Love Class - the whole show is about a manufactured relationship as part of a social science class experiment. Full review here.

You Make Me Dance - I mean it's a dance major so no actual book study but yeah, it's there he has to win a dance scholarship as a main part of the plot. I've never done a full review of this, and frankly that's an oversite. Time for a rewatch?

HIStory 2: Right or Wrong - it's about a teacher student relationship so...

Addicted: Heroin - especially the first half, I know what you're thinking, but also, THINK about it. It's all within a class from environment for most of the first 6 eps. I believe it counts. This is, without question, the best BL China has ever produced. FIGHT ME.

Destiny Seeker - an under appreciated pulp that is basically predicated on the university sorting hat. I have great affection for this hot mess, including all the sides. Mostly takes place within and around the complexities of dorm life. Full review here.

Kiss Me Again series (BL cut) + Dark Blue Kiss (AKA the PeteKao series staring TayNew) - it's not necessarily a driver but engineering and study is actual integral in a setting as character kind of way. And there is a lot of "make-out while studying." Plus we in the TayNew renauances and I have great affection for their original series. Everyoen shoudl watch it. Here's the watch guide.

HS BL - not exactly study, but sorta & they really good

Light On Me - Another one of my absolute favorite BLs, but it's about the school government club, not actual study. Full review here.

Love Sick - if you count club activities. I just got a full load up of this series with new subs, so I was going to do a watch along in honor of 2024 (its 10th anniversary). I am still considering it.

My School President - also, if you count extra-curricular & club activities. Another BL that i absolutely adore. No full review but I did have a long discussion on how this plays into Thailand's new norm in BL here.

Takara & Amagi - ugh I love this show so much but it's more about popularity and social acceptance in HS than studing, full review here.

About Youth - if you count external parental pressure to over achieve, another underappreciated gem, this time for Taiwan. Full review here.

I dithered...

Bad Buddy - maybe, I mean departmental conflict is a large part of the story, plus high school back story club activities, but there is very little study. Full review here.

Please feel free to add more on a RP or in comments, but remember my codicil was I have to have personally rated it over 8/10 so your baby might not be on here because it wasn't to my personal taste.

(source)

[petrenocka]

There are several programs here at UFUS, that were described to me as horrible nightmares. Cruel professors, insane deadlines, stupid test formats.

But something is different about Chaos Frequencies and Crystal Structures 1.

It is said, the lecture hall is haunted by the caffinated ghosts of students taken by despair when receiving their exam papers. Rumor has it, the reason professor in charge of the course is so strict about attendance, is that if enough seats are empty during a lecture you can hear those trapped souls still scribbling at their desks, trying in vain to pass, in more ways then one.

It's a silly story of course, a fascinating bit of student folklore! ... Sometimes it does feel real, the way everyone is referencing it with serious expressions. It can't be though - the building is too new for a ghoul to manifest.

Point is, people don't like this course. There is a senior of 3 years attending. His sigh is just like Shadow's. It's really bad.

And I want to hate this course as much as everyone else, I really, honestly do.

But how can anyone be uninterested when the first thing the lecturer asks is weather anyone in attendance have wondered before why the famous Chaos Emeralds are emeralds, and not literally any other kind of substance in the world. Because I didn't! I am probably the only person here who actually saw and touched the gems but I didn't. And this guy did! Of all people!

I can't help it but be excited. The subject is fascinating, the math works out soooooo satisfyingly. And luckily, Eggman never published his research into Chaos Emerads, so the professor actually has to teach instead of fawning over the evil doctor, making his excitement for the science actually captivating instead of exhausting. For once. He has a stage presence, his voice and pronunciations are clear and cover the whole room. I thought all doctors could do this, but apparently it takes a crazy one to not be deathly boring to listen to.

And what we're studying is fascinating, useful and makes perfect sense, well, maybe except for that bit.

"Excuse me Dr. Starline!"

----------------------------

Chaos Frequencies and Crystal Structures, an introduction course into the work of my life - study of all the magnificent mutant minerals of Mobius. Just like the objects in qestion, the subject is complex and multifaceted. And obviously important.

I do try my best to help as many of my students grasp the material as possible. I have gotten into several fights with the administration over my draconian attendance policy, but data shows clearly - students who don't show up to the lecturers are doomed to failure.

Unfortunately even here, many are showing impressive feats of speed in escaping the knowledge that chases them. Several attendees are zoned out, perhaps trying to hear a rumored ghost instead of me, comedically failing to grasp the clever metaphor at the heart of the story.

Several. But never this one.

A tiny yellow fox, barely not a toddler, is vying for my attention. To that end the poor boy has to raise his hand all the way up and almost climb on top of his desk, just to put his hand high enough for me to notice. Or maybe he is just that excited to ask his qestion. Academic honesty is compelling me to concede that it is probably the latter.

"Yes, Mr. Prower?" I lock eyes with the prodigy across the room from me. Oh, that got everyone's attention? Fair enough, my conflict with the youngest student to ever enroll into the United Federations University of Science is obviousl to anyone possessed of an ear for gossip. What can I do? The young lad suffers form an extreme case of passionate, vocal, WRONG OPINIONS about the greatest scientific mind in history, father of most modern technology - great Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnic. No matter ones talent, what does one even seek in a place of higher education, if devoid of admiration, or at the very least respect for his betters?

"Umm, I'm sorry, but if the resonace in the cell is recursive, why do we need to continuously supply the ignition?" A high-pitched voice brings me a poignant qestion of someone truly paying close attention. If only the tiny genius was as model of a student during any of my other classes. Perhaps he could come to see Eggman's omni-generational genius.

Worse still, looking around the lecture hall, half of the students present, all adults, don’t even seem to understand the nature of what he's asking. Oh well, you can lead a horse to water.

"Very good qestion. Indeed, it would be possible to trace a particular tone throughout the structure of a chaos crystal. However, as the energy is subsumed into the system, it's distortion is decreasing parabolically. Remember that we are trying to measure the system's wpn here, and according to ..."

"... and in the wave rate formula it asks us to divide by the distortion index, which would be approaching 0 and fail the calculation if we stop the ignition. Got it! Sorry. Thank you." And he sink back into his chair.

Honestly, how is THIS my number one problem student?

------------------

How is this the most evil professor in the whole university?

----------------------

Why would such a brilliant mind ever despise the works of the great Robotnic?

---------------------

Why would anyone at all *like* Eggman?

WHAT IN GAIA'S NAME IS WRONG WITH THIS GUY?

---------

WHAT IN CHAOS' IS WRONG WITH THIS GUY?

[daily-roguefort]

Hey, I’m the anon that asked you about studying arts. I am a student myself and I understand how busy it can get. Personally, I enjoy creating arts, but my procrastination and perfectionism sort of gets in the way. I draw something, and if it doesn’t turn out ‘how I want it to. ’perfect’, I give up. Then, I just try to drawing again, and it just becomes a vicious cycle.

As for my studies, instead of picking arts, or music, or literature, I chose, history, additional maths, science (physics, chemistry and biology) and computer science for my GCSEs. I feel like dying…

Anyways, apologies for my rant. This has nothing to do with Roguefort, but I just want to talk to someone. I have very little friends in real life.

you should drop me a message! if you don’t want to over here on a shared blog, you can send me a dm on my art account @gostgoesboo . I love new friends, especially artist ones 😎

as for the ask, no one’s college journey is a straight line unless they’re crazy coordinated (and probably neurotypical). no shade to them because they’re genuinely great but that definitely doesn’t work for most ppl.

I actually STARTED college doing computer science for my major, because I didn’t think my art was good enough to stand on its own. but, I was lucky enough to have a professor for one of my GE art classes that told me I should pursue my art as a career. it was at a time when I had just failed all my computer science classes the previous semester (mostly due to things out of my control but it still hurt), and so getting that motivation and new direction was super important.

I also joined the tabletop club on campus and made a new group of friends by being DM for them. I really recommend utilizing the campus community- it can be super super scary at first but it really pays off. the bureaucrats on college campuses can be a pain, but the professors and students (usually) are all there to help you succeed.

to the followers: sorry for very long, non-roguefort post, but this felt important to answer.

[luninosity]

Not a friend/follower/mutual and I haven't lived in Tartu in years but I spent my youth there and adore the town!

I used to spend all my time at Ruunipizza (restaurant), which is very close to the town hall and university and used to be decent, cheap and have plenty vegetarian options. But that was years ago and very much a place for students to go and hang out at, so Idk if that's something

Me and my American friends also liked La Dolce Vita for pizza back then. There's also a great place for cake opposite the university called Werner and the Gunpowder Cellar is a pretty cool pub.

In my opinion, the most important attraction in Tartu is the giant wooden swing (külakiik) in Supilinn but that might be personal preference. I am also a big fan of the AHAA keskus (science exhibition with planetarium) and I believe the museum of toys (mänguasjamuuseum) is a hidden gem if you have some time to spare. There is also a botanical garden in Tartu that I liked to hang out at. Sometimes they even have special activities; I remember building a bird house for winter there once :)

Definitely try to catch some folk music and/or dancing performance while you're in Estonia, they're really special!

I am taking notes about food recommendations! Cake is always good! And the Gunpowder Cellar looks fascinating! (Who wouldn't want to have a drink in, well, an ancient gunpowder cellar? Sign this history nerd up :D :D )

We have managed to get ballet tickets, as well! I am hoping I will have some time around conference panels to go exploring; the weather should be nice enough in May, right? Not too cold? Awesome Husband will probably also do some exploring without me, too. (He likes sci-fi, but he is not an academic - an engineer, instead! - so being in a room full of scholars Loudly Discussing the scholarship of science fiction is not entirely his thing, at least not for four days worth! He'll come to my panel though.)

For anyone wondering, we shall be in Tartu, Estonia in early May - around the 7th-11th! For the International Science Fiction Research Association Conference, at the university.

We've never been to Estonia, so we are excited! We're actually flying into Helsinki a day (and a night) early and spending a day in Finland, because we have also not been there, and then taking the ferry over. :D :D

[postnoktmeza-fela-amorado]

Chem Lab Technician Graduate (yeah, I never got the title) Reviews Furry Porn Game

Dr. Doe's Chemistry Quiz is a furry porn game created by Alfa995 which can be played in Newgrounds. It gained some meme traction solely based on the fact that it is a furry porn game, that's all, its sexual content is actually quite tame and vanilla.

As the title suggests, in the game the titular Dr. Doe (who's a female deer obviously) takes you through a 10-question quiz on basic chemistry (almost trivia-like) questions. Its sexual element comes from the game mechanic consisting that each time you get a question right, the doctor will take off a piece of clothing. If you succesfully answer all ten questions right, she shall stand naked in front of the chalkboard, exclaiming that she's proud of you and will finally introduce the "special prize" the doctor first mentions at the start of the gaming experience, with a "Tell me, ever fucked a deer before~?"

The chemistry aspect of such game interested me as a great enthusiast of such subject, I could go in deep here of my history with it but I have done that already many times in many spots.

Is it a brag to say the quiz is easy for me? I mean, it's not supossed to be complicated, this is not the final test for a lab class, they are motherhecking questions in a porn game, but I know some of this stuff isn't like common knowledge, so.

I will of course admit that I don't always get a perfect score on my first try everytime. A question that I always struggle with is the one about the composition of aqua regia. To be fair we never worked with it at the lab. There was a lab practice that included it but we never actually did it with such because apparently of how potentionally dangerous it can be, aqua regia is a mixture of nitric and hydrochloric acid, toxic corrosive cocktail, dear my.

Also the question regarding the atomic models. I know very well in my heart Thompson and his British Christmas pudding, but sorry Rutherford and Bohr, I can't remember which one is one with you two.

The quiz ofc is silly at times, with Hank Hill being mentioned in the question about the propane formula, the one about the formula for nitric oxide which is literally NO, and the question with the answer of Half-Life 3 release being the correct pick for which one is the longest half-life.

Then there was a question about which of the following elements is not real. All the options were elements named after countries, the answer was Mexicanium. The doctor after such exclaims how she is not ok with such, and tells us proudly how she will discover an element in the future to name it as such.

The character along with her creator are Mexicans, such as myself. And it was then when I was reminded of little me. Little Ari also dreamt of there being an element in the future named after our nation, I dreamt of discovering elements and naming them after Mexico, and me, my family members, and the great people of science; and them having weird and unrealistic properties. I think I still have the little drawings I did of such. I sure was set into a memory lane right there.

Everytime that in media I see incorrect lab practices, I always point such out. I mean, I even have a tag in my main blog for unfastened lab coats. But I mean, let's remind ourselves of what we're talking about here, a porn game, it's a porn game; are we really gonna talk about "realism" in such an environment? Also, Alfa965 already has a video of such (it's in YouTube), of pointing out the doctor's not very safe lab practices.

I would say that fucking at a lab's only appeal for me would be the fact that it's not allowed and one could see us, but personally I don't think I even that kind of person. It's not a very comfy place, I myself can't position myself comfortable when I try to take a nap there (I am a very responsible student), those metal tables are hard as hell. But maybe this game doesn't even take place in a lab, we see no hard indication of it and it well could be a regular classroom where the theorical part of chemistry gets taught.

About the sex scene itself in the game, it's a simple one. It's not like one can ask for much but I would suggest to add a second sex scene with perhaps a new pose as the reward for the hard version of the game (which gives you only ten seconds to answer the original harder questions).

Once you beat the game, a new option in the menu will be available for you to access to the sex scene without having to do that test again. But if you do it again like I always do, the doctor will comment on how such is not necessary anymore and even wonders if the player actually likes to do the quiz. She might be right.

What even is the conclusion here? Uhhhhh.

I'm not horny for chemistry, very dissapointing conclusion.

I wish I could go back in time to pick another career actually.

[karlachgale95]

Hearts of the Multiverse-Chapter Seven: The Bidding

A/N: If you’re here from Tiktok, welcome! Yes, I saw it haha. I actually thought it was funny, and I thank the OP for all the reads it got me. I understand that this crossover is a bit…ambitious to say the least. However, I’m just paying homage to some stuff I love. I really love Sailor Moon S. It is my favorite arc of the series. If this goes successfully, I might do Super S and Stars multiverse style haha. I did change the rating to mature because I wrote some innuendos for Angel Dust and Astarion. However, I am not showing anything explicit. I don’t like writing that stuff, to be honest. No hate to people who do. It’s just not my thing. I’m more about fluff and adventure. So, without further ado, I hope you like this chapter. Be sure to let me know what you think in the comments below!

              And so, Miles and others joined Rei’s study group. It started as pure interest for Sokka. He wanted to see how stuff differed from the Southern Water Tribe (The Four Nations, really). Katara thought this was a great idea and became interested herself, reluctantly bringing Zuko into the group. Miles noticed that some *cough* Minako, Usagi, and Makoto *cough* would struggle with a lot of math, science, English, history, and anything that wasn’t the humanities. Considering he was a top student, he helped them. Giorno joined because he was great at math, especially anything statistics based. Arven was behind in his own studies, so he joined after Nemona insisted they join. Luz was on par with Giorno. Hunter was also a pretty fast learner; truth be told, Miles thought they joined because they had fun hanging out with everyone. Josuke joined because he also needed to study—like a lot. Lillie helped when she could, although most times, she was talking to Gideon. Pav and Kakyoin would occasionally come over and help, since there were a lot of people who needed it. Adora trained instead, and Starfire took an interest if Robin were in the study session. Anne actually did study with them, something about needing to master MLA skills (to which Luz and Miles gladly helped). Sometimes Kaiba, Robin, and Connie would stop by to report anything they found, or study. Connie and Robin seemed impressed by Ami. Connie wanted to keep up with Ami somehow even after everything had returned to normal. Though Miles would tell her, that’s not necessarily a good idea. Even Kaiba seemed impressed by Ami. And, admittedly, Miles was, too. She solved the hardest mathematical equations he’d seen.

              “Miles, is number eight right?” Mako asked, holding up her paper in front of him.

              He’d been popular around the study table. He did know what he was talking about, but it was a much-needed ego boost. Funny thing was, Mako asked him a lot more than the others, despite Giorno probably being the best at math.

              He glanced over the problem and gave her a smile. “Yeah! You got it, Mako!”

              “Haha!” Mako cheered, pumping her fists in the air. “Thanks Miles! I would’ve never understood these dumb logarithmic equations without you.”

              “You would’ve gotten it,” Miles assured her. “You just needed someone to show you a play-by-play.”

              “I suppose so,” Mako said with a small giggle.

              “WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S NOT NEGATIVE SEVEN?” Josuke and Usagi asked in unison.

              “You two really shouldn’t copy each other’s answers to try and get out of work,” Rei said, sipping a cup of tea. “You’re both really bad at math. Why didn’t you ask Ami, Giorno, or Miles for help?”

              “Because then the math will have won, Rei,” Josuke insisted.

              Usagi laughed. “Yeah! He’s right!”

              She slammed her homework down on the table and pointed to the problem in question, “In the name of the moon, I’ll punish you!”

              It was quiet for a minute before Josuke gave her a pity laugh. She hung her head. “Oh, come on, that was funny.”

              “We’re not here to make jokes,” Zuko said sternly. “We’re here to study.”

              “You’re just mad you had to join,” Katara teased.

              “I agree,” Giorno spoke up, albeit a bit hesitantly. “Zuko is right. We’re supposed to be helping you study.”

              Zuko, caught off guard a bit, seemed suspicious, and then a little guilty. Guy was hard to read. Giorno didn’t react, even if he noticed.

              He turned to Miles. “Miles, Minako is struggling with this bit of theory, I don’t have the answer, do you think you can help her?”

              “Sure,” Miles said, taking a glance at the textbook.

              It was on dark matter. It seemed so long ago that he was studying dark matter in his dorm room, trying to find a way to get back to the other universes. Now that they were in one messy conglomerate, he dreaded who would come by the shrine next. He was surprised Gwen hadn’t. Apparently, both Pav and Kaiba had stuck to their words of not letting her know where they were. He didn’t want to see her—not right now.

              “It’s matter that doesn’t absorb, reflect, or admit light,” Miles explained. “People theorized it could be used to cross dimensions—universes even.”

              “Then why aren’t we using it?” Sokka asked.

              “It’s all speculative theory, some people say,” Miles said. “Though, I know it’s real.”

              “How?” Zuko asked.

              “Used it before…by accident,” Miles said with a laugh. “And so have people I fought. They’re the scary ones. Villains who can travel through dimensions should be taken seriously.”

              Voice of experience.

              Rei frowned. “You don’t think the heart snatchers could be from a different universe, do you?”

              “It’s possible,” Miles said honestly. “I’d worry about those two senshi who seem to be out for their own ‘mission,’ too. They’re probably more dangerous than your villains of the week. Maybe THEY’RE from another dimension.”

              Usagi shook her head. “I don’t think so. We’re all senshi. We have to be similar somehow. They always give the crystals back.”

              “They almost gave Unazuki’s back too late,” Sokka pointed out. “She could’ve died.”

              “Maybe try talking to them?” Katara suggested. “I think both of you have a point. They fight the daimon just like we do. You could try to convince them to join up. After all, Usagi, you said the senshi are supposed to be a team. So, there could be other reasons why they’re hesitant to help our team.”

              “You need to be careful,” Zuko murmured. “People who are driven by their own goals and motivations, no matter how flawed, can be too determined to their own point of view. It might be hard to get them to talk to you—or compromise.”

              “Good advice,” Giorno said.

              Again, another stare. At this, even Giorno seemed confused.

              “Hey, excuse us for a second,” Miles said, pulling Giorno into a disconnected room. Once he was sure no one was watching, he asked, “Dude, what are you doing?”

              “…Trying to be friendly.”

              “Dude, that is not friendly. That’s suspicious! Muy sospechoso!”

              “It’s not as easy as it looks. The people I’ve dealt with did all the interpersonal stuff better,” Giorno said.

              “It’s easy,” Miles said. “You’ve just gotta relax, you know? Just be natural. Talk like you’re talking to your friends.”

              “Those aren’t a sure thing where I come from, Miles,” Giorno snapped back. He sighed. “Look, I appreciate the advice, it’s simply harder to know who’s your friend for the sake of business and who is eventually going to stab you in the back.”

              Miles was quiet for a minute. Of course, he knew what that was like. The insinuation of doubt was almost insulting.

              “I know you’ve said your friends betrayed you,” Giorno said. “But at least you have a good family. You’re fighting hard for your dad. It’s admirable. I never had any of that. Not that I’m whining, but you have to understand where I’m coming from Miles.”

              “I—,” Miles began. He cut himself off. He had a feeling this was the first time Giorno had opened up to anyone, maybe ever. “No. You’re right. I wouldn’t know. I’m sorry.”

              He kind of chuckled. “The first time I talked to Gwen, I ended up ripping her hair out.”

              Giorno blinked. “What?”

              “I was taking my uncle’s advice. He was super good with girls, and he taught me the shoulder-technique.”

              “Do I dare ask?”

              Miles reached his arm out and loosely touched Giorno’s shoulder. He raised an eyebrow and said, “Hey.”

              They were quiet for a minute before they both started laughing. Miles was sure it was the first time he’d ever seen Giorno laugh in the month they’d been here.

               “Did that actually work for him?” Giorno asked.

              “He swore by it,” Miles said.

              “I guess it would work better on someone who was actually interested in that kind of stuff.”

              “No girlfriend back home, huh?”

              “Not interested in it. Relationships would get in the way of my actual interests: reform. There’s too much corruption in Italy. A lot of things I’m still working on. Also, I’ve never been too keen on the idea of a relationship. It just never struck me as something I wanted.”

              “So, you’re ace. That’s cool.”

              It was quiet for a minute before Usagi called out, “Gio! Can you help me with this probability question?”

              Giorno smirked. “Future queen of the moon. Whatever that means.”

              “If you figure it out, let me know.”

              …

              This place was much more grandiose than most taverns he’d stayed in; the cobwebs were a nice touch. Astarion never knew demons to be incredibly hospitable creatures, but the lovely owner and proprietor of this place was kind and generous—her girlfriend—a bit more frightening. She reminded him of Lae’zel. Unfortunately, he also met someone who painfully reminded him of himself. And he could only trust people like himself so much.

              Fortunately, people like himself made for great conversation.

              “So, a vampire…I bet you’ve lived a while,” Angel mused. “Sleep around a lot?”

              “Darling, I lost count over a hundred years ago.”

              “Any of ‘em any good?”

              Astarion scoffed. “A seldom few.”

              He turned a coquettish smile to Angel. “And you?”

              “I do this shit for a living,” Angel bragged. “Though, I’m always better than the other guy.”

              “You must have a contract with someone, then,” Astarion said. “I’m sure neither of us believes in bodily charity.”

              Angel shifted in his high-heeled boots and chuckled nervously. “Heh. Yeah. That’s a good way of putting it.”

              Astarion had been at the hotel for a week now. He’d joined when some wayward priest and another vampire had found him, starved, and hiding from the sun. He wasn’t sure how they had gotten here, but he knew the blonde adonis and his loyal disciple were up to something. One didn’t live with Cazador as long as he did and not figure out when a plot was brewing. If it didn’t involve encroaching upon his safety, well, Astarion didn’t care. Besides, he’d shown him kindness by taking him to his hotel. Little Miss Demon Sunshine kept him fed.

              Though, one thing he did note is that he and the so-called radio demon did not get along. He sensed an unease, something the blonde had against the demon. Perhaps he was doing some sort of surveillance on him, but as to what purpose, Astarion wasn’t sure. Admittedly, the always-smiling, Radio Demon possessed a charm to disturb and set himself apart from the others. Astarion had talked to him once, and once was enough.

              The white-haired prosecutor mainly kept talking to Miss Sunshine, her angel girlfriend, and the bartender. They seemed to get along the best.

              Right now, Angel and Astarion were keeping a casual eye on the television (or the visual sending stone as he preferred) in the center of the room. Some broad-shouldered, tall, dark, and handsome was speaking: “Anomalies have been growing at an alarming rate. There has been no sign of universal disruption, but we are keeping a continuous eye out for anything or anyone who could prove to be dangerous for public safety and wellbeing.”

              “Manipulation at its finest,” A dark and deep voice mused near them.

              “Gods damned!” Astarion shrieked, shrinking back from the silent eavesdropper. It was the other vampire, Dio. “How did you bloody do that? I’m usually the first to sense if someone is near me, thank-you-very-much!”

              Dio smirked. “Isn’t blasphemy contrary to what is supposed to be practiced here?”

              “He’s got a point,” Angel said with a small laugh. “You done sinned, gorgeous. You should be punished.”

              Astarion flustered and still perturbed, straightened out his clothes. He looked to Dio. “Did you want to speak with us?”

              “Only for a moment,” Dio said. He leaned in. “The cat-man can’t say anything, but I’ve noticed that both of you stay away from Alastor. Why is that?”

              “He’s a dealmaker,” Angel explained. “He makes unfair deals with other sinners to gain an advantage. Weird sinner named Mimzy once said he killed a lot of overlords just to gain their powers. It’s surprising that Hus…well, it’s surprising that anyone who ever makes a deal with him lives to talk about it.”

              “I see,” Dio said, rubbing his chin. He turned to Astarion. “And what do you make of him?”

              “Darling,” Astarion said, taking a swig from a shot-glass of blood. “I’ve met far too many people like Alastor.”

              ‘And like you,’ he wanted to say. But he held his tongue. He didn’t want to exhaust his resources in this strange, new world so quickly.

              “In any case,” Astarion said. “I’ve put my days of making deals with ever-lasting binding terms behind me.”

              “Hey, good for you, man,” Angel said, taking a sip from his own glass. “At least one of us can say that.”

              “Is there any way to get out of a demon’s contract?” Dio asked.

              “Don’t know,” Angel said. “It’s never happened before, I mean, unless the contracted dies, I guess.”

              This wasn’t the answer Dio was looking for. He grimaced and crossed his arms. “I’m sure there is…”

              Angel placed his glass down on the bar and put a hand on Dio’s shoulder, “Well honey, if you find one, let me know.”

              Dio chuckled. “I’m sure I will…and likewise, Anthony.”

              “Wait…how did you?”

              “Alastor has his ways of obtaining information, and I have mine,” Dio said simply.

              Astarion sloshed his glass and without thinking much guessed, “The priest?”

              Dio grinned, more devilishly than any of the inhabitants. “He’s knowledgeable, yes. And he helps when he can, but I’ve seen more to this world…this scheme than most. I refuse to give up. Perhaps if I kill the bastard.”

              “Uh, what?” Angel asked, almost in disbelief. “That’s the stupidest idea I’ve heard. Look, whoever you’re trying to get out of a contract, it’s like I said, it doesn’t stop at the contractor’s death. It stops with whoever’s signed a contract.”         

              “That’s usually how it works,” Astarion nodded. “It’s always stacked in the disadvantage of the poor bastard who’s signed the damn thing.”

              “I suppose you two would know,” Dio said, his face souring. He sat down on one of the more comfortable chairs and held his head in his hand. “To think I’d been brought back to finally fix my mistakes and to have such a huge disadvantage thrown at someone I was supposed to protect.”

              “Did…did someone you care about sign a contract with Alastor?” Angel asked. “Look, you don’t have to tell me, but I get it, you’ll want to help them. I want to help someone get out of his contract, too. Maybe there’s something we’re not seeing, huh?”

              Astarion didn’t respond. Something was off. He’d told his fair share of lies. Perhaps Dio was telling part of the truth, but there was still something lurking. Both he and Alastor, however much in opposition they may be, were the same men. He knew it.

              He knew it because he was much the same. And poor Angel Dust, just like Tav, more concerned for the emotional ramifications than his own safety, seemed genuinely upset. Internally, Astarion groaned. He’d do what Tav did for him; he’d make sure Angel didn’t get hurt or used for some nefarious purpose. He figured he owed that to someone.

              “If you can find a solution, I’ll help you break your contract, Anthony,” Dio said. “Anyone who should help I, Dio, will be greatly rewarded.”

              With that the blonde vampire stood. He gave Astarion an unreadable look. “And I mean anyone. I’ve been told you were freed from your own personal enslavement, correct?”

              Now Astarion shifted in his boots. “It was more of a group effort.”

              “Then you should find your group,” Dio said. “There are forces at work here—ones not to be trusted. I assure you, I will soon gain enough power to put an end to anything that would hurt those of us who never had a chance—those much like ourselves. If only you will help me, I’ll help you. I swear it.”

              “Alright then,” Angel said, surprisingly confident. A feeling Astarion wasn’t currently feeling. “If you’re so trustworthy, you could at least tell us who you’re fighting for. I’m not gonna help some asshole who wants more power for the sake of power.”

              Dio flinched and turned away. “It’s my son. He’s made a terrible error. I must help him.”

              “For real?” Angel asked. “How old is he?”

              “Only fifteen.”

              “Only fifteen?” Angel repeated. “Jesus, I knew Alastor was bad, but not making deals with kids bad.”

              “We shouldn’t talk about that too much here. The prosecutor has agreed to help find any loopholes. If we work together, there is a better world for all of us: no contracts, the sun on our faces, redemption. It’s within reach!”

              ‘Of course there is, Cazador,’ Astarion’s mind screamed.

              However, Angel looked, in that moment, hopeful. So hopeful that Astarion decided he would keep quiet.

              “I’ll do what I can,” Angel whispered. “But you’re right. Maybe we should talk about this somewhere else.”

              He grinned his voice dripping with suggestion, “Perhaps somewhere secluded. You can join, Astarion.”

              “I’m flattered, but I’ve decided to not do that for now. I have the choice, now,” Astarion said. “Still, I suppose I’ll dig around. I don’t exactly trust Alastor, either.”

              Not that he trusted Dio, but if Alastor were making deals like that, with children, no less, well, that was definitely Cazador behavior.

              “And I want that choice, too,” Angel murmured.

              Dio smiled, almost triumphantly. “Then we’ll meet elsewhere. I’ll give you the location later, as a precaution.”

              He sauntered off. Angel was clearly puzzled. At least Astarion wouldn’t fall for anymore tricks.

              Or he was almost sure he would not.

              …

              They’d split up. Bruno went with Abbachio, N (after promising to keep her safe) went with Maya, and he was with Edgeworth today. They’d been at this for a few weeks now. And there was no blooming friendship between Kaiba’s association and their own. Edgeworth frowned more than usual, which was an amazing feat to surpass. The two had gone to meet someone on a hiking trail. It was a woman, who worked with a doctor, apparently, she and her partner had been tipped off to a possible match of someone who fit Rose’s profile. Gideon had received the call and told Phoenix to go talk to her.

 As they walked the dirt paths in the woods, they noticed some people singing and playing instruments, just happily walking along. Something about two lovers divided by a war.

The one with the shaggiest hair stopped, realizing that he and Edgeworth were on the path. “Oh hey, fancy-dressed nomads.”

“We are most certainly not,” Edgeworth objected. He turned to Phoenix, “Well, perhaps him if we lose this case, but certainly not me.”

“Actually, we’re here to meet with a woman who might know of a man by the name of Rose,” Phoenix explained, cutting a quick glare at Edgeworth.

“Rose, huh?” the man repeated. He scratched his chin and drew out a red, wooden guitar (?). “I know a song about some roses.”

Before Edgeworth or himself could protest, the man started playing and singing a new song:

Rose of red

Rose of blue

Once with dread

Now bloom anew

Wanting more

May get to shore

Or perish on the journey

When a more deadly root

Takes their place

Edgeworth furrowed his eyebrows. “Those last few verses lost their rhyme scheme.”

“Scheme-schmeem,” the man said. “Name’s Chong by the way.”

He gestured to the woman, “My wife, Lily.” He pointed to the other, stockier guy, “And that’s our friend, Moku.”

“Charmed,” Edgeworth said dryly.

“Come on, Edgeworth, I’m sure they worked hard on that song,” Phoenix said with a small grin.

“Yes, well, we have places to be,” Edgeworth said, grabbing his arm.

“Hey,” the woman, Lily called out, as they shuffled away. “Be careful, there’s some bad vibes back that way.”

“That’s why we’re booking it now,” Mako said.

Edgeworth stopped and paused for a moment, almost making Phoenix trip over himself. He stood still for a moment and shook his head, pushing forward. “It’s nonsense, Wright. Pure nonsense from vagabonds who speak absolute gibberish.”

“I don’t know, couldn’t they have been talking about one of those monsters?” Phoenix suggested. “They’ve been popping up more, you know.”

Another pause. “Hmm…perhaps we should consider turning back. Though, if we do, we’re both ruined. It wouldn’t matter if a monster were up ahead or Gideon Graves, himself, really.”

Phoenix was quiet for a minute. Sensing the tension. He grinned and nudged Miles’s shoulder, “You sure there’s a difference between them?”

He saw, for a brief second, Miles crack a smile. Mission accomplished. Then back to a frown. Phoenix didn’t mind. It’s just how Edgeworth worked. Honestly, it was kind of admirable to be so dead set on his goals and sense of doing the job correctly. Preferable to his days as the so-called ‘demon prosecutor.’ Edgeworth’s whole perspective had changed for the better. At least now, they could work together to find the absolute truth.

At least now they could spend time together.

“We should take some caution, going forward,” Miles said, “After all, you have a horrible habit of injuring yourself on these cases. Monster or no, let’s make sure there’s no more hospital bills in your near future.”

The grin was still slightly there.

Phoenix shook his head. “Hah. You wish, Edgeworth.”

Solemn was the best way to describe his next look. “I don’t.”

And then there were times when Edgeworth was completely unpredictable. He walked ahead of Phoenix; what had he said?

The two walked in silence until reaching somewhat of a clearing. On one of three stone benches a pale woman with long, red hair sat, waiting patiently. When she spotted the two, her lips formed a small smile.

“Mr. Wright, Mr. Edgeworth. I’m glad to make your acquaintance.” She got up, and shuffled a bunch of papers, thumbing through them methodically. “I’m sure you know why I’m here.”

              “You are Dr. Knight,” Edgeworth assumed.

              The woman nodded and held out the stack of papers towards them. As Edgeworth hesitantly reached for the papers, the magatama activated. At least ten psyche-locks popped up around the woman. She was lying—lying more than anyone he’d seen so far.

              “Wait,” Phoenix said, pushing Miles away from the woman. “Why are you really here?”

              The woman seemed slightly taken aback. She quickly regained her composure and shoved the papers towards Phoenix. “I suppose you’ll do, too.”

              Not even thinking, Phoenix shoved the papers back, causing them to flutter—

              No. Not flutter. The papers glowed. Glowed and swirled around into a vertex, sticking together to form some sort of humanoid monster. Words moved and floated across its body.

              “Papella only needed one of your DNA signatures to attack,” the woman explained as Phoenix backed away. She turned to the monster. “Take this man’s heart and then Mr. Edgeworth, as well. I can make this into a double success for us! Come back to the lab when you’re finished. I have other places to be. More hearts to check.”

              As she disappeared, someone yanked Phoenix away by the collar of his shirt. “Wright! Move!”

              Having their situation sort of register, Phoenix acquiesced and started running with Edgeworth. However, they weren’t too far when something grabbed Phoenix’s ankle, sending him careening to the path below. The monster chuckled as it put down its foot (which looked and felt like a heavy paper weight) down on his chest. It outstretched its palm toward his chest.

              For its effort, a suitcase was launched at its head and the prosecution threw a right hook. However, it caught Miles’s hand. He winced.

              “Edgeworth!”

              The monster, almost effortlessly, tossed him in the air and sent him colliding into a tree, knocking him out cold.

              “How annoying. He’ll have his turn,” the monster said, glaring at Edgeworth. It turned back to Phoenix, a nefarious grin on its face. “Now it’s your last chapter.”

              “Oi oi!”

              Someone literally swung in, faster than any human he’d ever seen. They kicked the monster in the head so hard, it went face-first into the stone benches. The figure landed just a few inches away from him. He kind of looked like Spider-Man. But he wore a vest and a lot of spikes, even on the back of the mask. He held out a hand to Phoenix.

              “You alright, mate?”

              Phoenix barely nodded. He, at that moment, had to get to Miles. He needed to know he was okay. The monster, having regained its composure, looked from Phoenix to the possible Spider-Man. It leapt into the air, landing directly beside Miles. It grabbed him by his collar, holding him up in the air.

              “Don’t come any closer or pretty boy gets it.”

              “Put him down!” Phoenix yelled.

              “No way! Maybe I’ll kill him first, and then you! I’m sure my boss doesn’t care which way it gets done. So long as it gets done.”

              “Right, and who was that boss again?” the British Spider-Man asked.

              “Like I’d tell you.”

              “Sure you don’t want to?”

              “Hell no! I’ll kill all three of you!”

              A bird tweeted in the distance. Another echoed in another tree. And then the creature’s arms were severed from its body. A blond girl in a cheerleader’s uniform covered by scaled armor held the arm in one hand and a pink sword in the other. Edgeworth was caught by a person who leapt down from one of the lower branches. They had teal hair, glasses, and dressed like they were in some sort of English, medieval society. Another boy with brunette hair, similar armor, and two hooks impaled the creature, tearing two gashes through its side.

              He kept a specific hold on the monster. “Hey, Guzma, you want your Golisopod to help drench this old wad of tissue?”

              From the opposite tree came a voice that chuckled darkly. “Heh. Sure. Golisopod! Water beam!”

              One man with white hair and strange shaped glasses, Hawaiian shirt, t-shirt, shorts, and gold necklace resembling the letter ‘S,’ beside him was a hulking, white monster with huge claws. It spat out a plume of water at the monster, drenching it.

              The monster cried out at the teenage boy tore through it with his claws, ripping it in half. It lost its form and turned into regular papers, as it had been before.

              Phoenix was almost too stunned to speak. However, there were pressing matters at hand. He looked to the teal-haired individual holding Miles. “I-is he okay?”

              This person was checking his pulse and nodded. “Yes. Just seems like he hit his head hard. I don’t sense any serious damage, though.”

              Phoenix was quiet for a minute. “Not that I’m not super grateful, but who are all you people?”

              “I’m Guzma. I’m the big, bad boss who beats you down and beats you down…well…I’m Guzma. Not so much a boss anymore. If I’m gonna fix the system, gotta break those hierarchy roles, right HB?”

              “You learn well young Golisopd,” the British Spider-Man said with slight amusement in his voice. “I’m Spider-Man. Well, one of them, at least.”

              “Name’s Jet,” the kid with the hooks said, sticking a grain of wheat in his mouth.

              “Sasha Waybright,” the girl with the sword said with a bright smile. “Man, these things are waaay too easy to kill.”

              “Don’t jinx it,” the teal-haired person warned. “My name is Raine. Who are you two?”

              “Come off it, Raine,” Spider-Man said. “These two are those famous ace attorneys. All about keeping the current system in place, yeah? Even I’ve heard of ‘em.”

              “The three of us,” Sasha said, gesturing to herself, Spider-Man, and Jet. “Keep up with news way more than these two do.”

              “Hey, I invent the news,” Guzma protested.

              “Look, it doesn’t matter,” Raine said. “We need to get these two to safety. Those monsters have been popping up way more. Let’s get out of the park.”

              Raine began by trying to shoulder Miles alone. Phoenix hopped up and ran over to help them out, ducking under his other shoulder.

              “You two must be close,” Sasha remarked. “He basically dived in front of that monster for you. It’s sappy, really. Cute couple goals, though!”

              “You shouldn’t make assumptions,” Raine said.

              “Oh, don’t worry,” Sasha said, showing off a bi-pride pin on her cape. “I would know.”

              “It’s not like that,” Phoenix said. Even if he felt that way.

              But why had Edgeworth done that? He made fun of Phoenix for being careless and reckless. Hell, he’d thought he’d never live down the Kurrain-shrine-bridge incident. Miles yelled and yelled at him, even when he was still in the hospital. And it wasn’t like Edgeworth to be so hypocritical.

              So why?

              …

              A day like this was rare ever since he’d hopped over to this new universe. Everyone was inside, having fun, and Miles was able to take a break outside, by himself. “United in Grief” played through his headphones, letting him escape, if just for a minute. There were no monsters, no impending doom heading for his family, no Miguel O’Hara, no radio demons, and no need to be Spider-Man.

              And then someone tapped him lightly on the shoulder.

              He looked up to see Makoto holding a piece of cake that smelled and looked delicious. It even had a small candy flower at the end.

              “You were missing out. I thought I’d come find you,” she explained. “I’ve been told my cakes are pretty good by one of the hungriest princesses I’ve ever known.”

              Miles grinned and took the cake. “How many princesses do you know?”

              “Including Starfire and Adora? Three. And Zuko’s a prince, so…”

              “He’s a prince?” Miles asked in disbelief.

              “Yeah. He’s pretty open about it now. I guess you just have to get to know him. He’s got a girlfriend and everything. And Sokka said something about his first girlfriend turning into the moon. Maybe they have a moon princess, too.”

              “Wow. I really don’t know a lot about anyone here,” Miles remarked.

              That creeping guilt over being so reclusive seeped into his consciousness again. Maybe it wouldn’t kill him to make more friends than Giorno. Though, the thought of trusting anyone still seemed stupid.

              “I don’t blame you, you know,” Makoto said out of the blue.

              “What do you mean?” Miles asked, raising an eyebrow.

              “Back at Mr. Iroh’s tea place, you said you’d do anything to save your dad, even if all those other people who told you to sacrifice him for the ‘sake of the greater good’ told you otherwise. I’d give anything to go back in time and save my parents.”

              She stared off into the stars. “Sometimes, at night, I wait for them to come home. But they never do. When I go home, to an empty apartment, sometimes I just feel like crying so bad.”

              Miles felt something tug at his heart. She’d been alone? For how long? Did anyone else know about this? He reached out to put a hand on her shoulder but thought better of it.

              “I’m sorry. That must be really hard to cope with.”

              Mako nodded. “It is. No one should have to go through it.”

              She dabbed at her eyes and pulled him in for a hug. “Which is why I’m going to help you! I’m sure Usagi will, too! You two kind of remind me of each other, doing things your own way. I’ll beat up any other Spider-Man who tries to stop you!”

              He laughed. “Thanks, Mako. If…if there’s any way I can help you, I’ll repay the favor.”

              He meant it. She seemed so genuine. It almost threw him off his guard. Almost.

              “Just…try to make more friends here. Talk to Usagi. I know you two would get along. Her dreams are similar to yours. Don’t be so secluded. We need other people to help us. I think even Giorno is getting the hang of it.”

              A slight breeze coursed through the air. Makoto shivered. Miles took off his big, puffy coat and handed it to her. “Don’t worry. My suit keeps me warm. Let’s head back in.”

              She hesitantly took his coat and nodded. “Thank you, Miles.”

              “Don’t worry about it.”

              Maybe he could make more friends here than just Giorno.

[dutifullytoocloud]

My obsession with colour

Happily occupying my thoughts this week. influencing both what music I am listening and coincidentally what I am reading. I actually ordered the book last Friday and had it on my doorstep the very next day. I wasn't even sure if the order came through. Just finished reading up on "Isabelline", a variant in the grouping of White. I really like the book despite the book reviews. So its coffee table trivia, as some have labelled it, suits me just fine. When it comes to subject that infuses art, science and history I'm all for it and I will continue to weave through it slowly at my discretion as there is no due return library date and in some ways its really a reference book. "The Secret Lives of Colour" by Kassia St Clair" has happily found its place in my household. As for playlist, urged by Billy Sloan radio broadcast suggestions, which I always succumb to. I just enjoy music themed challenges. I am sure that most of the obscure song selections would not get a look in and an Aussie suggesting Aussie songs on a Scottish radio station is kinda taking the piss....loud and proud I guess. Hey the music from this part of the world is pretty impressive and vice versa. I have grown up with an immense appreciation of music coming from Scotland. Here's my colourful full list.....no longer unnecessarily overwhelming a facebook page and on your own blog you have that freedom to do as you will.

Songs about colour in general

Colours fly and Catherine's wheel- Simple Minds- Why I love - its fireworks its the colour and the motion working together.\

Love is full of Wonderful Colour- Icicle Works- An advisory tale with a positive outlook

Jimi Hendrix- Bold as love- Geez how to wrap up so much in 5 minutes. Genius. Concise and yet has the ability to get your brain ticking overtime in regards to imagery and meaning. Guitar and drumming are both out of this world.

Now for those blue songs- Adore the colour

Bullets and Blue eyes- The Silencers, could of picked a few from "A letter to St Paul" such as "Blue Desire" and " I see Red". But when it comes to dynamics, "Bullets and Blues eyes", really kicks in.

Blue Light Disco- Olympia....she's almost Australia's answer to Joni Mitchel and I swear she must of grown up listening to her music. Dealing with the subject of refugees making the life threatening decision to make their way to Australia perilously by boat. The 1st glimpse of land are the lights in the distance, casting its blue haze. Her lyrics are poetry. " And hope falls like cut kite strings Releasing paper parts from their diamond dreams" Again concise and brain clogs churning.

Out of the Blue- Roxy Music- That demented electric violin it takes you to another realm.

No Blue Skies- Lloyd Cole- Soulful melancholia, and makes me think of being 21 again playing it on cassette.

Blue Bell Knoll-Cocteau Twins- Elizabeth Fraser and her angelic gibberish and mystifying atmosphere. Played this song to death when we were holidaying in Toowoomba. Especially at the end of the day after visiting Federation style houses. It was just so apt.

Blue Day- Mi Sex- New Zealand 80's, great voice and sad loss.

New colours

Green- Alex Lloyd- love the song and also love the film clip. Students reactions show what power music has on people from all walks of life.

Silver tongue- Zulu Winter- I don't think this band is around anymore. Sometime great debuts are really a summary of what a band has gathered in their entire lifetime to that point, and to come up with more is a huge challenge.

Red Letter day- China Crisis- much respect, " Diary of a Hollow horse" was released in 1989 is a great record and a band I have followed on and off. "Christian" from earlier on in the 80's is divine. This song easily led onto the next song choice from a different artist and album that had the same song title "Red Letter day"- but I was taken back more so by the bonus song- "Jet Black the Night"- Lostboy aka Jim Kerr.

Golden Brown- The Stranglers- I was 11 when I 1st heard it and its a song that had a huge bearing on why i am equally obsessed with music as I am with colour. I would hide under my bed to avoid household chores just to hear this song. Its about "escapism" and it was.

New Gold Dream- Everything falls into place. Loving this version at the moment.

[a-resplendent-mushroom]

FELLOW TEACHER MOOT????

i'm aiming for a slightly younger age group (and am still in school for it XD), but i do have a few ideas on how to make lessons more interesting, anyway:

when explaining concepts, have a classwide activity for them to "translate" the material into language or slang they understand. i feel like this is particularly helpful with teaching science or history; explain a concept step-by-step and let them try to figure out what's going on by having them change the wording over and over again until it's more natural and easier for them to remember. students find it really fun, especially when you let them just call out terms instead of raising their hands, but it can get really chaotic, so you have to keep a lid on it

having them read a handout and then just share any thoughts (which is best for history or reading classes, probably). this one is a bit trickier: students sometimes feel pressured to only say really "smart" observations, so they're reticent to share right off the bat, but if you already have a relaxed feel about the classroom then it'll probably work a bit better for you. you can even open the discussion by saying something about the tone or language of the reading---not the material, since if your kids had trouble understanding or just don't have any really deep observations they're just gonna avoid speaking more. the goal is to have a conversation about anything in your reading (writer's tone, word choice, if it feels pretentious or like the narrator is trying to sound smarter, things that aren't too content-based and let them open up with what they truly thought of the reading) and then tying it back to the content actually in the reading. if the writer or narrator sounds like an asshole, what are they saying in the reading that could explain the asshole-ish-ness of their tone? if they're pretentious, are they from a pretentious place? if they're really nice, what are their goals and do they reflect the tone, or is it a manipulation tactic? (i find this one is really good for not only analyzing sources, but also for implementing the skills to weigh content vs delivery in real life, which is something i think everyone should be able to do---especially kids)

it sounds like you already have this one down with the parties, but planning activities that are related to the lessons. for math, you can do color-by-numbers, and have them find the numbers by solving equations related to your content; for writing, put up something you wrote with deliberate mistakes and have them correct it together (something that also benefits from letting students call out observations, instead of having to raise their hands); for reading, you could assign small groups different sections and have them perform skits of the material, so you can show off their different interpretations and let them connect with the material; for history, you can separate them into two groups and have them "represent" two different sides of a conflict in a mock-trial situation (which is actually really fun: have them research their side themselves, even if one is obviously in the wrong, and then either set them up like they're "defending" their side or like they are representatives of their side from the time of the original conflict. you can have them put on fake accents or even costumes, and have each group argue back at one another from either side, and then go back over what actually happened during the conflict and how it ended). for science, there are a shit-ton of funny videos on the internet that help teach material (i recommend anything by They Might Be Giants for kids and School House Rock, because they write songs and animated videos about the material that you can show in class. they also work as great pneumonic devices, so even if you show it as review it could help them remember their stuff for quizzes.). you should probably check the accuracy of the material shown, though, since some of them could be out-dated or inaccurate.

i think that's all i've got for now, but i hope this was helpful!

I'M A TEACHER AND I NEED YOUR HELP!!!!

This sounds like a gofundme.

It's not a gofundme.

Basically, I'm a teacher who teaches 12-15 year olds during the weekends. It's not a paid job, it's more of a paid-volunteering gig, but I really really enjoy teaching so I've been doing it for a couple of years. However, this year, I got a promotion of sorts and bumped upto teaching from 6-8 yos to 12-15 yos.

sO.

I've had previous bad teacher experiences in the past (read: My School's Local Mafia Boss), and though I can smoothly engage little children during lessons, teenagers are a different story. ...Cuz I'm a teenager myself. Like, I'm 2-4 years older than the oldest ones in class max.

I really, really want to be a good teacher. And I'm tryingggg, but making lesson plans for older students is harder than younger students. I WAS WONDERING, do any of you have any interactive and interesting ideas for engaging classrooms??? I genuinely want to be a good teacher and nothing like the shit ones I've had in the past. I care about my students and I really want them to have fun in my classes while also genuinely learning content.

So if you have any ideas, please share them. Heck, just share something which you wish your teachers/tutors did, or something which some of your better teachers did do that worked, or even just something bad that your teachers did that I know to avoid and use an alternative.

[cinnamonest]

I loved your student x teacher posts for Childe ❤️❤️ could you possibly write one for Ayato? Rich boi might be one of those private school honor students who gets anything he wants or maybe he’s home schooled with a personal tutor? thank you 🫶

omg he would be the biggest overachiever kid but also I am loving the idea of rich kid!Ayato, I love rich boys with an subtle arrogant flair and he's the perfect candidate

For reference, the past Teacher X Student posts can be found here:

Childe (Part One)

Childe (Part Two)

Xiao

-----

Working in a private school environment has its ups and downs. There's a lot of benefits, sure, but the thing is that those benefits can often be downsides in and of themselves.

For example, the most elite of private schools tend to bring a lot of very strict parents, and thereby kids who have been raised with high expectations and rigid enforcement of behavior. Consequently, they're usually very well behaved, making life easier in that regard for faculty.

On the other hand, such kids also have a tendency to be perhaps a bit too prideful with themselves, see themselves as above certain rules or having to listen to authorities, are showoffs, or simply suck up to the teachers a bit too much (and yes, even as the teacher yourself, those types still can be a little irritating). These kids come in surplus, higher amounts than you would find in "normal" schools, and thus, this presents both a higher amount of both the positives and negatives that come with that.

Not that you're really complaining or anything. For the most part, they're all very pleasant students to teach. You get plenty of wonderful students that are a delight to have, even if some have their moments every now and then. The few truly not-so-great ones are the minority, and even then, the fulfillment you get from enriching lives and all that makes it worth whatever inconveniences you have.

There's also another element that can be even more of a challenge to deal with than the students themselves: the parents. In this environment, it's a well-known, terribly-kept secret that administration chooses which students are to be taken into higher degrees of consideration, given more leeway and assistance, and so on, based on their parents' donation history to the school. There seems to be a trend in which those students from the absolute wealthiest of families always seem to get the highest degree of special treatment and favoritism in several areas of the student experience.

Not that those kids are necessarily bad themselves, no, plenty of them are still great students. And some of the elite families have very pleasant parents and children alike, very wonderful families all-around.

You're actually familiar with two students exactly like that -- a pair, actually, siblings. Parents are involved in politics or something like that.

Their daughter is more or less the ideal student, successful in everything she does, and notably, has inherited the social prowess befitting someone of her status. Their son, likewise, is a high achiever, but focused particularly on academic and scholastic achievements rather than social status.

You've seen Ayato's records on file a few times before. The type that excels in everything. Every academic subject. Whereas some kids might say they're more of a "math and sciences" person while some say they're more of a "fine arts person" and others still a "humanities person," he is all of them. No one area is better or worse than the other beyond maybe a single point or two in his grade average, which are all borderline flawless, very close to if not right at a perfect score.

To your knowledge, he's involved in some sport or another, and excels in that too. A few extracurricular activities, too. He takes part in each one of those scholarly national and regional competitions they have for maths and essays and the like, and has come back with some sort of recognized finalist award each and every time. He's in the nation's respective honors student chapter at your institution. He's on the student council, too. You heard another teacher say that with his current standing, he's more or less guaranteed to be his class's valedictorian.

And you... well, actually, you feel a little pity for him when you think about it. Sure, you're certain he enjoys a lot of those things, but you also can't help but think that some of that probably isn't really his own choosing, but rather expectations that have been set for him that he has been conditioned into meeting at all costs. You see it a lot with the students at these types of schools.

You're certain it does have its costs. The one thing you haven't seen him doing a whole lot of is talking to other students. He eats lunch in the classroom while he works, since he takes so many of those special, higher-level classes. He seems to always be working on something school-related, even during otherwise free time where others are socializing.

Not that he isn't well-liked or socially apt, because he certainly is -- capable of winning over anyone, charismatic and persuasive. He just doesn't seem to have enough time to really socialize too much. He's the sort of student who is popular with everyone and well-liked by everyone, but has never had the time to form any particularly close relationships. Everyone is an acquaintance, he's on everyone's good side, but no one is truly close to him.

You're somewhat surprised he comes to talk to you, one day at complete random, walking into your room with a soft smile and a hand held up in a greeting gesture. Surely he doesn't need any help. He's always done very well in your class without needing anything.

And you're right. As it turns out, he wanted to ask you to write recommendation letters for him to turn in for various universities. You're unsurprised when, after you ask as casually as you can, he gives the names of some of the institutions he's considering: all incredibly prestigious, renowned, and notoriously low-acceptance ones, the sorts of places most kids don't apply to simply because they know they stand no chance. But for him, of course, it doesn't really surprise you, and you honestly doubt he'll have much trouble. If there's anyone set to land themselves a spot there, it would be him.

Still, it puts quite a bit of pressure on you to write the best letter you can.

You do wonder to yourself why you were his choice of teacher to go to. Sure, you like him plenty, but who doesn't? All the teachers are fond of him. You've never really had any one-on-one conversations or anything. Perhaps he's looking to study a field related to your subject. There's also plenty of that happening in these elite environments -- many kids with business or politically involved parents are already set to inherit said business or enter directly under their parents' career, and will be accepted into a high position as soon as they are ready. Some actually study for the field, but a lot of them simply go to a university for the "college experience," and simply study something they find interesting, even if it's completely unrelated to their future career. Still, you'd imagine someone like him to intend to study in a way that's dedicated to his career... well, whatever, it's not something worth pondering over too much.

So you go through with it. Normally, writing these letters doesn't take very long, honestly you just kind of write one very generalized letter, then replace the name and a few descriptors here and there for each student you write one for. For him in particular, though, you make sure to add a lot of attention-catching words that you know admissions people like to see, fluff it up to make him sound like the best student to ever walk the face of the earth and all that, then send it off to the front office to be organized and sent out.

He drops by again to thank you for it, after school a few days later. Common courtesy, nothing out of the ordinary, a lot of students do that sort of thing where they always come to thank you in-person, especially here where they're all raised under a strict concept of manners and customary practices. He shows up at your door, pleasant in expression and voice, I just wanted to stop by and thank you for... and so on. The usual. You smile and nod, and likewise give the standard response -- oh, you're so sweet, I'm happy to help... A set-in-stone sort of dialogue, as if the lines are predetermined by the social norms.

And then he adds something else.

I'm incredibly grateful. If you'll allow it, I'd like to repay you. Are you busy this coming weekend?

That part catches you off-guard, though. You sit still for a moment, blinking, hands still resting on your keyboard.

...Huh? Well, no, I don't... have anything...?

He doesn't seemed to be fazed by your clear bewilderment. He keeps that same soft smile, says that's perfect. He was a bit worried you'd end up being busy... making reservations before asking probably wasn't the best idea, but he just got ahead of himself, you know? Anyway, your address is already on the school's directory, so no need to give it to him. Just be ready by eleven-thirty in the morning or so. We'll just come to your door.

You're still rather puzzled, he's moving so fast into whatever he's referring to, but you gather the jist, that he wants to take you somewhere, which, of course, strikes you as rather odd and somewhat inappropriate.

But before you can try to find the words to voice that thought, he adds that his sister also wanted to come, she likes you plenty too and all. The two of them just wanted to show their appreciation.

Anyway, dress formal, but not too formal, you know? Somewhere in the middle. Will that work for you?

I... well, I... I guess I...

Great. Everything works out well, then. See you then. He nods, turns and gestures a goodbye, makes his way out the door while you're still blinking and sputtering and trying to process the interaction that just happened, not even close to being able to formulate a response.

...

Well. That was... a bit strange. It's a bit burdensome, really, you'd be much happier just spending your day at home at rest, you don't need to be shown appreciation in this way. And isn't it a bit odd to do something like this, considering your relationship to each other? It just seems like such an unusual proposal under the circumstances that you don't really know what to think of the matter.

Still, he means well. And besides, his sister being there makes a huge difference in terms of appropriateness. If she wasn't, well, maybe then you'd have to have a brief discussion about how it's probably not very acceptable, but since she'll be there, it's alright, you suppose.

It's probably just yet another one of those things where these wealthy young students go above and beyond on everything they do. You once had a student give you a rather pricey gift card as thanks for tutoring, and there was that other one that went on a trip abroad and brought back fancy souvenirs for every teacher, even. To these kids, expensive or time-consuming gestures have far less significance than they would to a normal person. So sure, it's odd, but you can rationalize how he would think it was something that he was supposed to do. Still, you have no idea where you're even going, and, well, you don't know him well enough that having an extended one-on-one conversation will be anything short of horribly awkward and uncomfortable.

You don't see him again for the remainder of the week, except in-class, where he doesn't stop to talk or anything, merely comes and leaves with the bell as everyone else does. You almost forget, until you get the reminder from your phone on Friday night, and begrudgingly go to find something you can wear. You're still rather bewildered by the whole thing.

But no matter how bad you thought it could be, that could never compare to how bad the awkwardness actually is, the day of. It's so, so, so unbearably awkward, coming out to meet this boy you really don't know that well, forcing yourself to return the smile and wave he gives you as you walk up to him as you talk, oh, you're so nice to be doing this...

...And then, you turn your head to look from side to side and...

...Didn't you say Ayaka was coming?

Oh, her? Well, it turns out she had something come up. She hates to miss this, but turns out she had a previous commitment that she forgot about. Such a busy girl, she's always doing something, haha. Anyway.

He just sort of immediately moves on, switching the conversation to the present moment -- it's a really nice place you're going to, his parents go there quite often, you'll like it for sure... he just sort of goes off on that, leaving you no opportunity to speak, sort of quietly shifting you over to the car... which does have someone else in it...?

Oh, yes, that's the family's driver. Don't mind him, his job is to just drive without saying anything.

Anyway.

He's fond of that word. Conversational navigation is a skill he's become rather good at over the years, largely out of necessity, considering his prospective future. When someone is starting down a path of conversation that they probably shouldn't, all one has to do is distract them, change the subject, engage them with another matter and steer them away from matters that will only go down an unwanted path of dialogue.

Yes, anyway, what a quaint little area you live in. Although these buildings are dreadfully close to each other... and there's no gates around the whole area... how unsafe. He thought that a private institution would pay teachers a little better than that. Maybe you're just frugal.

He keeps talking. You wouldn't deny he has a certain charm about him, he's an easygoing person to talk to, even if it is still quite awkward. He mostly focuses on questions about you and your work. You in turn ask him a few questions -- has he heard back from any universities yet, does he have any idea of what he wants to study, so on and so on... for someone who you've always perceived as quite the perfectionist, it turns out he's actually quite indecisive in that regard. Says he doesn't know yet, doesn't really have a place or a major in mind. Plenty of time to think on that.

You want to get this over with, nonetheless. It only gets worse when you arrive at your destination -- one of those places you would never even think about going to yourself, where everything in the building looks like it costs a fortune, down to the tablecloths and curtains. It makes you uncomfortable. And oh, oh no, the menu doesn't even have prices listed next to the options, one of those places. You're tense.

You almost feel kind of guilty, even. All you did was write a copy-paste sort of letter. Was that really worth this...?

In contrast to your unease, he's very calm and relaxed. You're pretty sure there's no way he doesn't notice how tense and uneasy you are, but he doesn't say anything about it, just keeps talking. He knows the owner of this place, actually. You see, he and his father met a decade ago in the such-and-such region (a word you could never hope to pronounce) of such-and-such country (one you've only heard of a few times in your life) at a resort his father was at on a work-related trip and... are you alright?

He finally seems to acknowledge your tension. You give a wavering, forced smile. I'm just not used to something so nice, haha...

He just chuckles. Don't worry about it. I wanted to do something nice for you, after all.

The words themselves are perfectly innocent, kind even, but there's something in his tone of voice, the way he says it, that makes you hold back a shudder. It's just so, so unbearably uncomfortable. You force another smile.

You get the cheapest-sounding thing you can think of, but of course he notices that -- really, don't worry about it, get whatever you want -- and after a bit more pressuring (almost like he wants you to get something expensive or something), you go a step up and get something that sounds like middle-ground. You're just grateful he can't have them bring out expensive wine or something, since he's not quite old enough for your region.

He talks like someone far beyond his years, in the sense that he's like one of those (usually, they'd be middle-aged, not a high schooler) men that seem to know everything about everything, are well-versed in knowledge of this or that place and the quality and make or origin place of everything in the room. You just try to listen, let him do the talking, hope it'll be over soon. You hope no one you know sees this, that you don't get spotted in some horrible coincidence that someone else happened to be here at the same time... people might think this was something... weird.

You keep up the same casual conversing as you leave, as you get back in the car (was that poor guy just waiting in the parking lot this entire time? He hasn't moved from the space he let you out in...), about this or that. Little things about the school, classes, the future. All the way back, until you see your place in sight, a quite welcome relief.

...But you feel like you need to say... something, before you leave. There's a lingering thought in the back of your mind.

As per norms, the conversation begins to close as the car slows. That sort of conclusive tone, well, it's been wonderful, that sort of thing. You get out, he gets out, walks you to your door, saying something about how he's sure you have a lot to do before Monday, so he'll leave you to it, thanks you for your time, hopes you enjoyed yourself, all the usual... But you voice your concern, slightly cutting him off, feeling it necessary.

Hey, ah, by the way... um...

He pauses. Tilts his head, raises his eyebrows, waiting for you to speak. You swallow.

Ah, don't take this the wrong way, but... don't mention this to anyone, alright? I just... I wouldn't want people to get the wrong idea.

He doesn't get offended, nor does he seem amused or anything. He just smiles and nods. Of course. No worries.

You're glad he understands. You bid him goodbye, say you'll see him next week, go inside and practically collapse on your bed. Ugh. The whole ordeal was exhausting.

It feels sort of relieving, but odd at the same time that he just sort of... leaves it at that. Doesn't mention it again aside from once, a very basic 'it was great seeing you' the next Monday, and then just sort of... returns to normal, for the rest of the week. Doesn't say a thing. Though, you do find yourself making eye contact with him more in class, he always seems to be looking directly at you. He always gives you one of those warm, closed-eye smiles when you gazes meet.

It's not until the following Thursday that something happens that's a bit... off-putting.

School let out for the day twenty minutes ago, most of the kids have left, and you also intend to leave as soon as you print a few things off. You make your way to the printer they have towards the front office, get what you need, head back to your room.

As you approach your door, you catch a familiar face coming down the hall. She raises a hand up as she sees you. Hello, Ms ____. Gives you a warm smile.

You haven't really spent that much time around Ayaka, you only ever had her in one class, but she's much like her brother in the fact that she's generally well-liked by everyone, on account of having a very pleasant, kind nature.

You smile back, unable to really wave since your hands are full. Oh, you're still here?

She says yes, that she merely forgot something and went back to go get it before leaving. A casual exchange like any other. But you figure it would be odd if you didn't mention the other day, you should probably acknowledge it, for the sake of social norms if nothing else.

Oh, and by the way, sorry you couldn't be there the other day. It's fine, I know you had other stuff going on. Tell your brother thanks again for me!

She's silent for a moment. She blinks, still smiling, but she tilts her head.

Hm? Sorry, what do you...?

A moment ticks by. A second. A third.

You shake your head, giving an awkward chuckle. Oh, nothing, sorry, I got something mixed up for a second there... A-anyway, ah, well, you have a great day, okay?

Oh, okay, ah, you too...

You walk off before she can say any more.

....

You don't like the feeling the interaction gives you. You can't get any work done, the rest of the afternoon. Your mind is far too distracted, sorting out all of your thoughts.

He wouldn't outright lie to you, would he? And if so, why?

...Well, you can think of one reason. You're not stupid. But he doesn't seem like the type of kid to be... like that. And besides, there was a valid reason to do something nice, it wasn't as if it was out of the blue. It would be horribly embarrassing, and you'd feel quite guilty, if you accused him of something that wasn't his intention regarding the whole thing. You decide not to say anything at the moment.

And neither does he. She must not have said anything to him, as he doesn't mention anything about his sister, merely greeting you as normal the next day.

Nor does he seem overly attached. You do start to notice that he lingers, after the class is over, will stop by for just a few moments to speak with you just for a moment, a very basic how's your day going sort of thing, before leaving in time to get to his next class. It's a bit odd, but it's not overstepping any boundaries or anything that would be unacceptable. You've formed close, pleasant relationships with students before, those students who just seemed to like you, in a purely normal way. They just particularly like you, and it's nothing more than that. There's no reason to think any differently of him.

He's not trailing you all the time, not smothering you, he's not overbearing. The only other thing you notice is that he often catches you on the way out when you leave for the day. Naturally, he's involved in so many extracurricular activities, that he doesn't leave school at the same time as everyone else, often staying behind for various reasons -- he's the president of some club or another, he's in the student council, so on and so on. Often times, as you're leaving for the day, you hear him call out to you, smiling and making his way over. Says he was just about to leave too. What good timing. He walks you to your car, but he never gets pushy, always bidding you farewell without any trouble or clinginess.

See, if he were acting only on impulse, he certainly would, but he's a very self-controlled, calculated person. He knows not to go overboard, to ensure he doesn't smother you. That would only irritate you, and he can't have that.

And even if he doesn't show it outwardly, he's very, acutely aware of the signals you give off, the subtle messages of the things you say and do. He could tell how uncomfortable you were that day, how awkward you seem to talk to him. But at the same time, it's the kind of discomfort caused not by you disliking him or anything, it's more situational, he can tell that much. Likewise, he can tell it's getting better, you're much more comfortable around him now, whenever he speaks to you.

Although sometimes, he prefers to just watch you from a distance. You're so cute. He's memorized the time of day you eat lunch -- most unfortunately, you were assigned a different lunch period than his classes -- and often he can see you out the window, always eating at the same spot. He enjoys just watching you go about your day, doing all your little tasks and the like.

You do feel odd, as if being watched, sometimes, but a quick glance around shows nothing, so you assume you're just overthinking things, being paranoid. You've been trying to ignore it.

And things just sort of stay like that. There's no gradual increase in the intensity or frequency of his interactions with you. He doesn't get too close, neither physically nor in the social sense. He's always polite, never pushy, always seems to exit conversations just when it's about to cross over the line of being normal for a student who is just very fond of one particular teacher.

He does get you gifts. His family went on a trip for a week, he brings you back some sort of fancy champagne and chocolate made in that country from the trip. But to be fair, Ayaka also brought a little trinket back for every teacher, she's done so more than once in the past in fact, so you figure it's just normal for them... you tell yourself so again when he gets you one of those super expensive watches, around the winter break. How generous. Still, it's no big deal (and you're not sure if you even have much use for it anyway...).

The only other thing you can't shake is the feeling of staring, how you can feel his eyes on you as you stand at the front of the classroom. That odd feeling you get sometimes when he's not around. The way his eyes fixate on you when you're talking with each other. It's all so... odd.

But he never escalates, never does anything inappropriate. So, you don't see any reason to confront him or try to stop him.

Sure, maybe he does have a teacher crush. That seems obvious to you, as time goes on. He does let something slip every now and then. Things that aren't necessarily inappropriate, per se, but the occasional compliment that is obviously not normal for a student to say, things like telling you you look nice that day, that you have such a pleasant voice, that you're just so enjoyable to talk to, with such a sincerity in his voice it goes beyond a casual, normal interaction between two people of your sort of relationship. But even so, if he does, he's self-controlled about it, never goes too far, never does anything warranting having to say something to him about it.

In truth, he realizes that it would never work, that it's not a realistic fantasy, that it's unwise to even consider actually pursuing it. Thus, he's resolved to just enjoy the time with you that he has. He knows better than to let it go too far, to get carried away, and thus never takes things any further. You think that's a very mature way to handle it, if that is in fact the case.

And thus, you just... say nothing. You imagine he knows you know. You're polite and pleasant to him, neither encouraging anything more nor discouraging him in any way. You think it's a good balance.

The months pass. It always teeters on the edge, coming just barely short of the line where, if crossed, you'd feel something needed to be said, but it never is crossed.

About three-fourths of the year passes in total. For those in their final year, as he is, a lot of them are getting anxious, excited, lots of feelings all at once, as they draw nearer to closure on their current "chapter of life", as some call it. Still, they have a while longer to go, but nonetheless a lot are already thinking about the future.

You were anticipating NOT having to handle the year-end events. They rotate which teacher gets assigned to it each year. Some gathering they host at an off-campus venue that goes on all night, a teacher is assigned to essentially stay a while just in case something bad happens needing an ambulance to be called or the like (the requirement for a teacher to be there for a while was implemented after there was such an incident when a kid fell off the side of a staircase a few years back), but the general practice is that said teacher leaves after a while and the kids are left unsupervised... probably for the best, or else said teachers would probably be under legal obligation to report the sheer amount of underage drinking, among other questionable substances being passed around. Besides, it's off-campus and not official, so they don't have to have someone there the whole time.

And you, well, you did it last year. It's a high-energy social event, it's always loud and annoying and you end up leaving with a massive headache, so you were hoping to be spared this year.

He asks you out of the blue one day. You were expecting that maybe, towards the end of the year, he'd try to come spend time with you in some way or another, but you were not anticipating him to ask you to meet outside of school once again... especially not for this.

He comes into your room after classes have ended for the day. Comes straight to you, rather quickly rushing over, visibly excited -- it's endearing, really, whenever he gets excited like that. He's normally essentially forced into an unusual degree of maturity and seriousness, it's cute that even he can have moments where that very energetic, typical teenage-boy type of excitement shines through even still. He smiles and says that he has something to ask you. You’re aware of the event, right?

You say yes, of course, you’ve been to some in the past before… why?

Well...

He smiles. It just so happens that he and his sister volunteered to host the venue, since they have a suitably sized estate and all. His parents agreed to it.

Would you happen to be willing to volunteer as the designated chaperone? It would really make her quite happy.

It's almost like that day, months ago now, that he asked you to go out to eat as thanks; you sort of stare and blink, caught a bit off-guard by it. You try to formulate a response.

Oh, well, ah...

She'd love for you to be there, he adds. Oh, and of course, he would want you there too. But you know, forget him, he wouldn't want to be demanding or anything, he just knows how much she really likes you, and she wanted you to come, so...

It's a bit odd. You really don't know her all that well, you've never really spoken to the girl very much. And considering last time... well, you're not sure what happened there, maybe it was all a mutual misunderstanding. You can give him the benefit of the doubt. You'll be aware and cautious about it, so it's not like you're naively walking into it unaware.

You agree to it. Lots of people will be there, so it's not like he's got you one-on-one, and hey, maybe they'll spare you for several more years after this.

You insist, in the coming days, that you really don't need to be picked up by a driver, you can get there yourself... eventually, he relents and gives up trying to get you to agree to be picked up again. You're not really dreading it, per se, but you're not exactly looking forward to it either. It's a matter of the fact that you'd really enjoy just staying home... but, these two have been good kids over the years, so at least you can feel good knowing you're doing something for them.

You still have to more or less force yourself to get out of bed that day, make your way over there... you were given the passcode to get past the gate. There's a lot more people than you expected... did they bring the entire high school...? It's also very unpleasantly loud. Really loud, the kind of loud where you can physically feel the music vibrate against your chest, can't hear yourself think over how loudly they're talking and yelling as they move around. Sigh. Kids these days.

You don't have to go looking for Ayato. He's already striding up to your the moment you walk up, asks if you had any trouble getting in, more or less immediately starts talking about... well, you're not certain. You can barely hear a word he's saying, both the music and the kids themselves are so loud. And most of them fairly intoxicated too, you're pretty sure he's the only one that isn't... you suppose you'll just have to turn a blind eye and pretend you didn't witness that part, or any of the filled coolers laying around.

He notices your discomfort more or less immediately. Ah, too loud for you? There's a quieter room inside, if you would prefer to go in.

You nod. If it's not too much trouble.

Hm?

I said, if it's not too much... You end up trailing off, shaking your head and not bothering to even try to speak over the noise, just gesturing and letting him take you in. At least the house is a ways away from all their neighbors, the people here all have a lot of land surrounding each house.

It's immediately quieter inside. You're led into a foyer area, then into a hallway... all very empty and quiet. You pass by various rooms, each of which have some purpose or another, additional rooms for various purposes the average house would not include. You reach a staircase headed down. He doesn't say much. You follow behind. You realize you didn't actually run into Ayaka at all... you suppose you'll have to talk to her later.

You end up in a... room. Not a bedroom or a living room or any sort of standard, definable room that the average person has in their home, but rather, some sort of extra lounge room in the basement. It's not the sort of average damp, cold, grey sort of basement, no, they have the whole thing furnished, there's a huge TV, a fridge, carpet, and so on... and it's completely devoid of people. Empty. When he said there was a quieter place inside, you were still assuming that meant that there would be other people, not an empty room... at least it is quiet. You can still sort of hear the noise outside, but it's all muffled.

He doesn’t seem bothered by it. So loud out there, it's much better in here right? Nice and quiet. Do you want something to drink? Hang on, there’s bottled water over there in the fridge, he’ll get you one. He’s moving and talking rather fast, you can barely get a word in – you can’t help but wonder if it’s intentional, to prevent you from saying anything, and if likewise he’s moving around so much to prevent you from speaking to you directly.

Go ahead, sit down wherever you like…

…You know it’s too much. You shouldn’t be doing this, allowing it. But it’s peaceful in here, whereas out there… and you only have to stay here a short while, right? That’s how it always goes, the teachers are just there arbitrarily to ensure it doesn’t seem completely without supervision, no one actually needs you to be out there. He probably just wants to talk to you some more.

You sit, but very tensely, body rigid and ready to stand back up at any moment. It would also, of course, be rather bad if anyone walked in here. You wouldn’t get in too much trouble just by being in the same room alone, but it wouldn’t look good, for sure.

But you also can’t just tell him you want to leave. Not when he comes over smiling as he does, extending his hand to give you your water, that soft, endearing expression.

He’s not doing anything wrong. You would feel awful if you hurt his feelings in some way.

You can just stay a while. Yes, that will work. Just stay another hour or so, entertain conversation with him, excuse yourself and say you have to head home. You can even get up every few ten minutes or so to go check on the crowd of kids, right? Better in here than out there. You trust him not to actually do anything bad.

So you sit there. Stiff and uncomfortable. You’re on a sort of sofa, with you pressed right up against the arm of it, trying not to make it too obvious you’re leaning away, and with him sitting more towards the middle. You try to break the tension. So, have you decided on what you’re doing after graduation yet…?

It’s a good transitional question, it helps get a conversation going. Ah, yes, he’s planning to go to this institution… it wasn’t his first choice on its own, but he decided he wanted to stay somewhat close to home, you know? Still undecided on a field of study, but he has a few things he’s been considering…

You talk for a few more minutes. It goes back and forth, back and forth. He finishes answering one question, but before you can ask another, he asks you one of his own.

What about you?

You tilt your head, give a soft hm?

Oh, he just meant… what are your plans for the future? Didn’t know if you intended to stay here or not, is all.

You shrug. You haven’t really thought about anything other than staying right where you are, really, and unless circumstances pull you elsewhere, you were more or less intending to stay at this school until retirement.

I see.

There’s something off about the tone of his voice. As if that answer was somehow incorrect, as if he has thoughts on it. His expression is rather flat and neutral. You pause. You ask him if something is wrong.

And just like that, he returns to that soft, more pleasant sort of resting smiling expression. Ah, well, no, it’s just, I can’t help but think you must be under a great deal of stress here, you know?

You give a sheepish laugh. Well, it certainly is often sometimes stressful, but you like what you do.

There's a pause.

Do you have any other passions and hobbies, outside of work? I was just thinking, you probably don't get a great deal of time to work on them.

To be fair, he's right about that part. You sigh, say yes you do, you list off some of the things you enjoy doing. Haven't had any time to work on them recently though, you add, just too busy. But it's alright, you'll get around to it eventua--

Have you ever considered early retirement?

The question seems to pop up out of nowhere. You raise your eyebrows. Huh?

He doesn't seem deterred by your confusion. In fact, he seems like he really wants to bring up the matter, almost as if he's been waiting to do so. Leans forward, elbows on his thighs, interlacing his fingers.

It would be ideal if you had the financial support, right? Perhaps you should consider it. You're so very busy, it must be incredibly stressful, it's really not good for you. It leaves you with no time to go out and do things for yourself, no time to meet anyone. If you were able to quiet your job, think about all the things you could do! Surely you have hobbies and passions you'd rather be pursuing, yes? And you probably want a family, no? You'd need to have far more free time for that. Besides, you're really at the age where you should be thinking of settling down and marrying and having children, don't you think?

...He seems to catch himself. His mouth opens again, like he had more to say, but he stops short, goes quiet. Ah... well, never mind that. Uh...

You can see a sheepish unease on his face. He realizes he stepped over that boundary, the line he's been so perfectly teetering on the edge of all these months. For just a moment, it breaks his composure, you see a slight sense of panic in the way his eyebrows furrow, the way he leans back just ever so slightly.

And you, well, it catches you off-guard, almost shocked at the boldness of such a thing to say. Struggling to think of the right words, you blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.

That's not appropriate.

Maybe you could have worded it differently, but the audacity of saying something so out of line does take you by surprise.

He doesn't react poorly, though. As quickly as his composure broke, so he regains it in the same few seconds.

Ah... my bad. Apologies.

But he pauses. There's a hesitation in his body language, the way his lips part like he's going to speak. Like he knows he shouldn't keep going, but has to, a sort question refrained from asking for so long that the urge is unbearable.

..Just... out of curiosity... would you not want that opportunity if it were extended to you? Because... It's just that...

You stand up. An abrupt motion, it causes him to go silent.

You take a deep breath in, sigh. You shake your head, hold a hand up to your head, rub at your temples.

This has gone too far.

You don't explicitly say out loud what you mean by "this". You don't have to. There's a mutual understanding. You both keep pretending to not know, keep ignoring it and refusing to acknowledge it, but you know it comes as no surprise to him either that you're aware.

There's a silence that follows. He doesn't seem angry or distraught. His eyes go wide for a moment, he looks startled by the suddenness, but his expression goes cold, neutral, eyes slightly narrowing, face otherwise expressionless. But he doesn't say anything.

It's my fault, you add. I allowed this to go on too long.

And you do mean it -- you think back now, you feel guilty. You should have nipped it in the bud sooner. And finally, you finish --

I'm sorry. Really. You're a good kid, you really are. I just... this isn't right of me to be down here. I should go.

You grab the bag you brought with you. You take a step back. The silence is so horribly uncomfortable.

His eyes close. There's an obvious disappointment on his features. He takes a deep breath in and out, but nods.

...I understand. Do you need any help getting to your...?

No, I'm fine. You start to turn away. Thank you, really. I'm... grateful for everything. I just... sorry. This is just how things have to be.

And you leave. You turn, you walk as fast as you can without breaking out into a jog, footsteps rapidly clacking against the hard floors.

You make a beeline back out, ignoring the volume, keeping your head down. Don't stop to talk to anyone -- most of the kids themselves are too intoxicated to notice your presence anyway. You make a straight path for home. You realize you never did get to go see his sister... but you get the sense she probably didn't even know you were there in the first place, much less was the one that wanted you there.

You feel ridiculous for shedding tears over the matter, but you can't help it, as you lie there in bed after getting home. You don't bother to eat or shower, merely crawling under your covers as you feel your eyes water. It's all so uncomfortable and unfortunate, and frankly, you feel horribly guilty. You had opportunities to stop it, you probably should have. Now you probably hurt the poor thing. And how are you going to handle seeing him again from now on? It's all so much, it's overwhelming... you wipe your eyes, trying to blink the accumulated water away before it actually starts to run down your face. You resolve to try and rest now... you can handle everything when the morning comes. You can't take anymore tonight.

...

...Well, that certainly did not go over well.

He normally doesn't like to be particularly dramatic, but it would be a lie to say he didn't more or less feel like he's been stabbed in the chest. Ugh. He ends up slouching back, laying down and staring at the ceiling... now that racket from outside is starting to sound even more annoying.

He wasn't expecting much, granted. Knowing it was unrealistic, he tried to push away indulgent fantasies where it went perfectly, like some sort of cheesy pornography plot... although maybe he should have gone with the original plan to give you alcohol, that would have worked better... he wasn't dumb enough to take you to a bedroom, but still, this couch is very wide, it would have worked just fine... ugh. No, no, this is the exact type of unrealistic fantasy he was referring to. Never mind that.

He really, really, really didn't want to have to do this. To do something that hurts you. But you're being so difficult. He's been so nice to you, and he's been so careful to hold himself back, to not be overbearing. And yet, this is what he gets in return for all that time and effort spent. Did you not even comprehend what you're being offered?

No, of course you didn't, now that he thinks about it. You were so caught up in recognizing and reacting to any acknowledgement of whatever... thing you have between you is, that you didn't actually stop and think about what he was actually saying. Maybe you will, now. You'll go home, think back over his words, understand exactly what you're turning down. There's no way you would actually reject it, if you're in your right mind and in a steady, stable emotional state. Maybe you'll come back tomorrow and apologize. Surely you won't wait until Monday to speak to him again.

He can forgive that. Yes, even though you were incredibly hurtful, he understands you're just concerned about your perception of social norms and doing the right thing and all. 'This is just how things have to be.' That was what you said. Yes, so you do want it, even if you don't realize it, you're just allowing yourself to be held back by all these... unnecessary outside forces, getting into your mind. He understands how that happens. It's forgivable.

He'll give you one day, then. Rather than acting on the backup plan now. You have twenty-four hours before he actually starts going down that path.

If not, though, well... he can't afford to have this take too long. He's already considered, too, the possibility that you may try to get him in some sort of trouble, too, and he can't have that... so he has to be proactive, and take care of you before you can get him in trouble.

He's already told his parents it may be necessary for them to speak with the school, that he was having some issues with a particular teacher... if he says nothing, they'll just forget about it, but if he brings it up again, adds in some... fabrications, well, they'll surely want a word with administration on his behalf.

In fact, maybe he wouldn't even have to come up with something to accuse you of. Pretty sure his parents donate more money to the school annually than your salary, even. They can afford to lose you easily, might not even take convincing. Blacklist you from the entire region of institutions. And what will you do then? Come crawling back and apologizing? That would be quite nice, actually... but he's not so cruel as to wish that on you.

Regardless, he's sure you're going to come around, once you're convinced to reconsider. Maybe an opportunity isn't quite enough. What you need is a little push.

[absolutebl]

BL Coming in August

Here’s what’s starting this month. Which ones are you excited about? My top picks for me as The Eclipse and About Youth, let’s see how wrong I am. 

THAILAND 

War of Y

From COPY A BANGKOK (trailer)

20 eps (holy fucktard, 20 episodes of Cheewin’s nonsense), starts Aug 2 on AisPlay premium 

On Cloud Nine

Country setting, atmospheric LTR flavored BL with themes of self acceptance from MindTrio (trailer).

6 eps, starts Aug 6 on Mind Trio’s YT channel

21 Days Theory

Friends to lovers, self acceptance, secret crush, high school set from Rookie Thailand (trailer). Looks high angst, messy, cheating, secret crush stars Bever (En of Love: TOSSARA, En of Love: Love Mechanics, The Best Story and Love Mechanics) and Tee Khunakorn (The Cupid Coach).

8 eps, starts Aug 7 on Rookie Thailand’s YT channel (I think) 

The Eclipse

An enemies to lovers high school set, paladin bab boy pairing from GMMTV. This is right in their wheelhouse and was my most anticipated from GMMTV’s 2022 line up. Tropes include: sinister boarding school, haze the one you love, suspense & horror elements looks great, dark (but in a way Thailand can handle), kind of Blacklist-ish meets Great Men Academy. GMMTV excels at this kind of content. Stars First (The Shipper, Not Me) & Khaotung (Tonhon Chonlatee) side dish pair from FUTS NeoLouis. I actually really like this lead pair and I think they can handle the content. trailer

12 eps, starts Aug 12 on GMMTV’s Youtube channel  

* I’m gonna point out an important thing. I find it notable that Khaotung as the aggressor/bad boy (for a change) in this GMMTV offering has his natural skin tone (aka darker) as opposed to when he’s playing a super uke role (see Tonhon Chonlatee). Now there could be mitigating factors (like the makeup people got better at matching base tones, or they were shooting outside a lot), but still Thailand’s propensity for associating negative/evil/poor/crazy characters with darker skin tones is so painful and so insidious I want everyone to notice this, especially when we see it being carried out on THE SAME actor by THE SAME production team. 

And yes, Korea does this too.

My Only 12%

Friends to lovers, high school set, high angst, sunshine/sunshine pairing from Studio Wabi Sabi for iQIyI. (trailer) Neighbors and childhood friends, Cake & Seeiw, who have totally opposite personalities slowly growing apart. This one has the chemistry and the script so fingers crossed it’s not sad. Y-novel adaptation (author Afterday - Bad Buddy) starring SantaEarth (7 Project).

Do we trust Studio Wabi Sabi or director New anymore? Even with SantaEarth (especially with SantaEarth). That is the question.

Aug 12, 15 eps on iQIYI

180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us

Coming to Gaga (trailer). Doesn’t look like BL: “Can a mother be more understanding of her son’s sensuality? Even if she does, will it be easy for her to accept his relationship with a man twice his age?”

? eps, starts Aug 15 on GaGa 

Love in the Air 

Enemies to Lovers, high school set from Me Mindy (trailer). Mame’s upcoming adaptation of her novels Love Storm and Love Sky, focuses on 2 couples and their individual storylines. 

10 eps, starts Aug 18 on ?

Ghost Host, Ghost House is supposed to be coming too. 

TAIWAN

Papa & Daddy 2 AKA Papa and Daddy Season 2

Gaga bringing us the second season (trailer). Starring Melvin Sia (Damian) and Chiu Mu Han (new actor as Jerry). Looks messy. 

6 eps, starts Aug 8 (Taiwan's Father's Day) on GaGa 

About Youth AKA I Secretly Fell in Love with Student Council President

Enemies to lovers, high school set for CHOCO TV to air on Bilibili (no trailer) from the producers of HIStory 2&3, and Tsai Mi Chieh the director of H1: Stay Away From Me; H2: Crossing the Line; H3: MODC; Love Is Science (we like her). Adapted from the novel Secretly by Huang Si Mi about high school boys with different backgrounds, personalities, and values who compete for student president, but have more attraction than animosity. The drama focuses on two storylines: egocentric elite student Ye Guang who fights in the council elections with a quiet guitarist Xu Qi Zhang, and his friend Ray who after a recent breakup up with his boyfriend meets A Jian.

10 eps, starts Aug 29 on Bilibili 

JAPAN

Takara and Amagi AKA Takara-kun and Amagi-kun AKA Takara-kun to Amagi-kun

Opposites attract, secret love high school popular/geek pairing from MBS (no trailer). Same studio as Mr Unlucky and Senpai, so expect that style. A popular guy and an outcast boy start dating in secret. Stars Jpop Idols Arata Sato (IMPACTors) as Takara and Nao Oriyama (Shonen Ninja) as Amagi. 

8 eps, starts Aug 18 on ? 

Interesting that there isn’t anything from Korea and nothing new for Viki this month. Although give them a chance, they drop suddenly and later sometimes. 

I don’t always know where to find these and remember your territory and accessibility may be different than mine. But drop a comment if you have more info. 

[continuations]

Thinking About AI

I am writing this post to organize and share my thoughts about the extraordinary progress in artificial intelligence over the last years and especially the last few months (link to a lot of my prior writing). First, I want to come right out and say that anyone still dismissing what we are now seeing as a "parlor trick" or a "statistical parrot" is engaging in the most epic goal post moving ever. We are not talking a few extra yards here, the goal posts are not in the stadium anymore, they are in a far away city.

Growing up I was extremely fortunate that my parents supported my interest in computers by buying an Apple II for me and that a local computer science student took me under his wing. Through him I found two early AI books: one in German by Stoyan and Goerz (I don't recall the title) and Winston and Horn's "Artifical Intelligence." I still have both of these although locating them among the thousand or more books in our home will require a lot of time or hopefully soon a highly intelligent robot (ideally running the VIAM operating system -- shameless plug for a USV portfolio company). I am bringing this up here as a way of saying that I have spent a lot of time not just thinking about AI but also coding on early versions and have been following closely ever since.

I also pretty early on developed a conviction that computers would be better than humans at a great many things. For example, I told my Dad right after I first learned about programming around age 13 that I didn't really want to spend a lot of time learning how to play chess because computers would certainly beat us at this hands down. This was long before a chess program was actually good enough to beat the best human players. As an aside, I have changed my mind on this as follows: Chess is an incredible board game and if you want to learn it to play other humans (or machines) by all means do so as it can be a lot of fun (although I still suck at it). Much of my writing both here on Continuations and in my book is also based on the insight that much of what humans do is a type of computation and hence computers will eventually do it better than humans. Despite that there will still be many situations where we want a human instead exactly because they are a human. Sort of the way we still go to concerts instead of just listening to recorded music.

As I studied computer science both as an undergraduate and graduate student, one of the things that fascinated me was the history of trying to use brain like structures to compute. I don't want to rehash all of it here, but to understand where we are today, it is useful to understand where we have come from. The idea of modeling neurons in a computer as a way to build intelligence is quite old. Early electromechanical and electrical computers started getting built in the 1940s (e.g. ENIAC was completed in 1946) and the early papers on modeling neurons can be found from the same time in work by McCulloch and Pitts.

But almost as soon as people started working on neural networks more seriously, the naysayers emerged also. Famously Marvin Minsky and Seymour Paper wrote a book titled "Perceptrons" that showed that certain types of relatively simple neural networks had severe limitations, e.g. in expressing the XOR function. This was taken by many at the time as evidence that neural networks would never amount to much, when it came to building computer intelligence, helping to usher in the first artificial intelligence winter.

And so it went for several cycles. People would build bigger networks and make progress and others would point out the limitations of these networks. At one time people were so disenchanted that very few researchers were left in the field altogether. The most notable of these was Geoffrey Hinton who kept plugging away at finding new training algorithms and building bigger networks.

But then a funny thing happened. Computation kept getting cheaper and faster and memory became unfathomably large (my Apple II for reference had 48KB of storage on the motherboard and an extra 16KB in an extension card). That made it possible to build and train much larger networks. And all of a sudden some tasks that had seemed out of reach, such as deciphering handwriting or recognizing faces started to work pretty well. Of course immediately the goal post moving set in with people arguing that those are not examples of intelligence. I am not trying to repeat any of the arguments here because they were basically silly. We had taken a task that previously only humans could do and built machines that could do them. To me that's, well, artificial intelligence.

The next thing that we discovered is that while humans have big brains with lots of neurons in them, we can use only a tiny subset of our brain on highly specific tasks, such as playing the game of Go. With another turn of size and some further algorithmic breakthroughs all of a sudden we were able to build networks large enough to beat the best human player at Go. And not just beat the player but do so by making moves that were entirely novel. Or as we would have said if a human had made those moves "creative." Let me stay with this point of brain and network size for moment as it will turn out to be crucial shortly. A human Go player not only can only use a small part of their brain to play the game but the rest of their brain is actually a hindrance. It comes up with pesky thoughts at just the wrong time "Did I leave the stove on at home?" or "What is wrong with me that I didn't see this move coming, I am really bad at this" and all sorts of other interference that a neural network just trained to play Go does not have to contend with. The same is true for many other tasks such as reading radiology images to detect signs of cancer.

The other thing that should have probably occurred to us by then is that there is a lot of structure in the world. This is of course a good thing. Without structure, such as DNA, life wouldn't exist and you wouldn't be reading this text right now. Structure is an emergent property of systems and that's true for all systems, so structure is everywhere we look including in language. A string of random letters means nothing. The strings that mean something are a tiny subset of all the possible letter strings and so unsurprisingly that tiny subset contains a lot of structure. As we make neural networks bigger and train them better they uncover that structure. And of course that's exactly what that big brain of ours does too.

So I was not all that surprised when large language models were able to produce text that sounded highly credible (even when it was hallucinated). Conversely I found the criticism from some people that making language models larger would simply be a waste of time confounding. After all, it seems pretty obvious that more intelligent species have, larger brains than less intelligent ones (this is obviously not perfectly correlated). I am using the word intelligence here loosely in a way that I think is accessible but also hides the fact that we don't actually have a good definition of what intelligence is, which is what has made the goal post moving possible.

Now we find ourselves confronted with the clear reality that our big brains are using only a fraction of their neurons for most language interactions. The word "most" is doing a lot of work here but bear with me. The biggest language models today are still a lot smaller than our brain but damn are they good at language. So the latest refuge of the goal post movers is the "but they don't understand what the language means." But is that really true?

As is often the case with complex material, Sabine Hossenfelder, has a great video that helps us think about what it means to "understand" something. Disclosure: I have been supporting Sabine for some time via Patreon. Further disclosure: Brilliant, which is a major advertiser on Sabine's channel, is a USV portfolio company. With this out of the way I encourage you to watch the following video.

So where do I think we are? At a place where for fields where language and/or two dimensional images let you build a good model, AI is rapidly performing at a level that exceeds that of many humans. That's because the structure it uncovers from the language is the model. We can see this simply by looking at tests in those domains. I really liked Bryan Caplan's post where he was first skeptical based on an earlier version performing poorly on his exams but the latest version did better than many of his students. But when building the model requires input that goes beyond language and two dimensional images, such as understanding three dimensional shapes from three dimensional images (instead of inferring them from two dimensional ones) then the currently inferred models are still weak or incomplete. It seems pretty clear though that progress in filling in those will happen at a breathtaking pace from here.

Since this is getting rather long, I will separate out my thoughts on where we are going next into more posts. As a preview, I believe we are now at the threshold to artificial general intelligence, or what I call "neohumans" in my book The World After Capital. And even if that takes a bit longer, artificial domain specific intelligence will be outperforming humans in a great many fields, especially ones that do not require manipulating the world with that other magic piece of equipment we have: hands with opposable thumbs. No matter what the stakes are now extremely high and we have to get our act together quickly on the implications of artificial intelligence.