#and i also read a lot of romance so like. i know what romance is *supposed* to look like

[vaguely-concerned]

on the one hand I think inner demons could stand to have a bit more romanced rook specific content, but on the other hand the underlying in-built implication that 'yours is the one true voice of comfort and safety in my inner world' is a sentiment and intimacy so way beyond the romantic or the platonic or any secret third thing you could care to name that it makes me lose my entire poor little mind a bit. it's so big and fundamental — near-existential — that in that exact moment at least the distinctions kind of seem irrelevant.

all the people lucanis' mind conjures up along the way are relationships he has that are unavoidably mixed and fraught in some ways even when they're also full of love (they are fraught BECAUSE they're full of love) — the good in them inseparable from things that hurt him at the same time. (it's about: the basic disorganized attachment patterns this poor guy is dragging around with him. careful with those, they're dellamorte heirlooms. what you love also inevitably hurts you and you won't be allowed to have one without the other, you have to surrender parts of your soul to hold on to what little you have left: this is the story up until now.) and the idea that rook isn't that to him — that beneath the fear of wanting them when romanced (which is more its own separate thing because within this psychology, actively wanting something and not just clinging on for dear life to even a meager status quo lest you lose it is in itself dangerous bordering on catastrophic), this is a relationship where there isn't resentment, or guilt, or shame, or dread, or rage, or self-hate, or any of the other emotions that keep him paralyzed, unable to move this way or that. no debts, nothing owed of yourself and your soul's substance except what you can freely and safely and happily give. love and freedom don't coexist — but, I mean, you're almost starting to make me think........... unless...👀👀👀. the unconditional and undramatic 'you are here and I am here with you, you can be exactly how you are right now with me and it's safe for us both even though you're afraid it won't be, I'm not going anywhere' acceptance rook shows him here that he returns to them in the big romance scene, when it's rook who needs it. the way he's just. standing there in the center of it all, like a child desperately helplessly waiting to be found, hiding in the place he hopes you'll know to look first. (rook does know. it's one of the first things they say in there.)

in short the most important room in his little mind palace for the romance is the very first room — the one where rook isn't. where, in fact, rook cannot be, because they disprove the entire structure of the place with their existence and presence in his life. with everyone else he's putting words in their mouths about what they think of him, and rook is the one who actually gets to come in to speak their own words to him — and have him listen. ('he'll listen to you, he always listens to you', 'your voice is a comfort'.) of course rook isn't present anywhere else in there — at the risk of stating the obvious to a tedious degree, they aren't one of the locks, they're bringing the key. in the very finest 'the messenger and the message' sort of way.

[deliciousangelfestival]

You're the One - 2

Summary: A daughter uncovers the wild, untold story of how her parents’ marriage began—and it’s way better than any romance movie she’s ever watched.

Character: Husband!Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Genre: Romance, Comedy

Words Count : 1,654

Chapter 1 , Chapter 2 , Chapter 3 , -

Main Masterlist || If you enjoy my work, please consider buying me a coffee on Ko-fi 🙏🏻

Thank you to everyone who has read this chapter. Leave a comment and Reblog, please. I'd love to hear your thoughts. ❤️

“So, that’s it,” Bucky finished, leaning back in his chair.

Jade sat frozen, her mouth slightly open, her hand hovering over the popcorn bowl she’d forgotten about entirely. Her eyes were wide with disbelief. “Hold on, Dad!” she blurted out, breaking the silence. “You can’t just end the story like that!”

Bucky shifted uncomfortably, rubbing the back of his neck. The way she said it—the tone, the determination—it reminded him so much of you that it gave him chills.

“Clark Jordan?” Jade said, her voice rising. “That Jordan? Oh my God, Mom was actually going to marry a conglomerate heir?” She gasped dramatically, throwing her hands in the air.

Bucky groaned and rolled his eyes. “Excuse me! Your father also owns a successful business, you know.”

Jade couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s just a joke. Don’t get all defensive.” She rested her chin in her palm, tilting her head as she studied him. Her expression softened. “But seriously… if you loved Mom so much, why did you two break up?”

Bucky’s jaw tightened, and he looked down at his hands, which were fidgeting with the label of the water bottle he’d grabbed earlier. He let out a slow sigh before answering. “I can’t explain it,” he said quietly. “We were young and stupid… Well, I was the stupid one for letting her go.”

Jade nodded slowly, her face thoughtful. “Yeah, I can see that,” she said, her tone teasing but not cruel.

Bucky shot her a pointed look, but his lips twitched in a reluctant smile. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, kid.”

Jade shrugged, grinning now. “Anytime.”

“What happened next?” Jade leaned forward, her curiosity growing. “Did anyone chase after you two?”

Bucky sighed, rubbing his temples. “That’s a lot to unpack,” he muttered.

🔔💍🔔💍

Flashback

The church erupted into chaos. Gasps echoed through the hall, bridesmaids huddled together whispering in disbelief, and the Jordans were already barking orders at security. The bride was gone—snatched right out of her own wedding.

You were still reeling. Sitting stiffly in the passenger seat of a moving car, your hands gripped your bouquet so tightly that the petals were beginning to wilt. Your heart pounded against your ribcage as you stared out of the window, the landscape blurring past.

In the driver’s seat, Bucky’s grip on the wheel was steady. His expression was calm, almost infuriatingly so, as though he hadn’t just crashed your wedding and whisked you away in front of hundreds of people.

Your voice finally found its way out. “Why are you doing this?”

Bucky didn’t answer, his eyes fixed on the road ahead.

“Turn this car around, Bucky. You don’t understand the trouble you’re in.”

He ignored you, his jaw tight, and your frustration bubbled over. You knew exactly what kind of chaos this would cause. Your parents, already controlling, would unleash their full fury, and the Jordans—especially Clark—wouldn't take this humiliation lying down.

Suddenly, the car jerked to a stop. Your body pitched forward slightly, and you braced yourself against the dashboard.

Bucky turned to you, his movements deliberate. His gaze locked with yours, intense and unwavering. Leaning closer, his presence filled the space between you, and instinctively, you leaned back.

“I’ve made a lot of mistakes,” he said, his voice steady, his words slicing through the charged silence. “But the biggest mistake I ever made was letting you go.”

You froze, the weight of his confession catching you off guard.

The breakup had been mutual—or at least, that’s what you had told yourself back then. The truth was, Bucky had been the one to pull away. It had hurt, but you’d respected his decision, thinking he had his reasons. You never imagined he’d regret it.

“Then why did you suggest it?” The question slipped out before you could stop it.

For a moment, he didn’t answer. His gaze flicked away, focusing on the distant horizon outside the windshield. When he finally spoke, his voice was lower, tinged with something raw.

“When we were together, I felt like I wasn’t enough for you. You deserved more—better than the life I could give you at the time. So I thought… if I let you go, you’d find that ‘better.’”

The weight in your chest grew heavier as you listened. His words didn’t erase the pain of the past, but they unraveled pieces of the mystery that had lingered for so long.

He continued, his voice steady but quieter. “And then I saw that article… the one with you and Clark. That photo of him holding your hand. I knew I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t try one last time.”

You turned to look at him, his profile outlined in the faint light of the dashboard. His hand on the wheel was steady, but there was a tension in his shoulders, like he was bracing for rejection.

“One week,” he said, breaking the silence. He held up a finger. “Give me one week to prove to you that this”—he gestured between the two of you—“is worth fighting for.”

You blinked, the audacity of his demand rendering you momentarily speechless.

“Are you out of your mind?”

“Maybe,” he said, his lips twitching into the faintest hint of a smirk. “But I’m not going to spend the rest of my life wondering what could’ve been. If I can’t change your mind in a week, I’ll take you back. No drama. No excuses. I’ll even apologize to both families.”

His words hung in the air, daring you to respond. The car was quiet, save for the hum of the engine and the sound of your shallow breathing.

"You can't just barge in and demand a second chance, Bucky," you snapped, your voice sharp as you yanked the veil from your head. The delicate lace caught briefly on your hair, but you didn’t care. “If we’d never broken up, none of this would’ve happened.”

Bucky’s grip on the steering wheel tightened. His jaw clenched as he glanced at you, his voice calm but with an edge of frustration. “Both of us agreed, remember? You kept walking that day.”

Your mind flashed back to that day—the one that had changed everything. The apartment you’d shared was nearly empty, save for a few boxes. You had been standing in the doorway, one hand on the knob, the other clutching a bag.

“I didn’t want to walk away!” you shot back, your eyes blazing as you turned to him. “I was hoping you’d stop me. That you’d chase after me.” Your voice cracked slightly, but you pushed through. “But you didn’t. You just… kept walking.”

His breath hitched at your words, his body stiffening as though they’d hit him like a punch to the gut. The realization sank in slowly, and he sat there in silence for a moment, staring at you with wide, almost vulnerable eyes.

“Wait… are you saying there was still a chance back then?” His voice was quieter now, almost disbelieving.

You crossed your arms and looked away, unwilling to give him an easy answer. The memory of that day was too raw, the hurt too deep.

Bucky’s lips pressed into a thin line as he absorbed your words. Slowly, a flicker of hope sparked in his expression, something unspoken but undeniable.

Without another word, he started the car again, the engine humming to life.

“You said once that you wanted to try skydiving,” he said suddenly, his voice breaking the tension. “Let’s do that together.”

Your head whipped around to face him, your eyes narrowing. “Excuse me?"

A smirk tugged at the corner of his lips, the playful glint in his eyes unmistakable. “Oh, it won’t just be skydiving. We’ll do everything on your bucket list. Every. Single. Thing.”

Your bucket list? You blinked, caught off guard. “You remembered that?”

“Of course I did,” he said, glancing at you briefly before returning his focus to the road. “I’ve always remembered.”

His tone was softer now, almost wistful, and you hated how much it made your heart ache. You shifted uncomfortably in your seat, unsure of how to respond.

“You’re not saying no,” he added after a beat, his smirk returning. “Does that mean you’re having second thoughts about this wedding?”

Your glare snapped back to him, but you didn’t have the words to argue. Instead, you crossed your arms and said firmly, “Be quiet and drive.”

Bucky’s grin widened as he looked ahead. “Yes, ma’am.”

Present Time

"I never knew Mom had that side of her," Jade said, her voice full of surprise. "It’s pretty obvious she was having second thoughts about marrying Clark."

Bucky leaned back in his chair, arms crossed, looking a little smug. "I did the right thing."

Jade nodded, then her expression shifted. "But what about grandpa? Was he mad at you? Because right now you and grandpa were pretty close."

Bucky chuckled, running a hand through his hair. "Well, if I could change your mom’s mind, I figured I could convince him too." He laughed again, but it was a little forced as he rubbed his back, probably remembering that time. "Let’s just say, he wasn’t thrilled about me stealing his daughter."

"You already know how this ends," Bucky said with a chuckle. "Your mom and I ended up together."

Jade leaned in, her eyes full of curiosity. "But I want to know the full story! How did she end up giving you a second chance? Please..." She gave him her best puppy eyes, the kind she knew always worked on him.

"Come on, Dad, you’re holding back! Did you two really go skydiving? What happened next?"

Bucky leaned forward, a sly grin on his face. He paused for a second, clearly enjoying the suspense. "I’m not spilling all the details just yet."

Jade groaned in frustration. "Dad!"

Bucky just winked at her. "You’ll find out eventually. But trust me, that was just the beginning of the adventure."

Author Note: What do you want to see next between the reader and Bucky?

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[dresshistorynerd]

The Morrisian case against fast fashion

Today I discovered that H&M made a William Morris collection some years ago. The heath death of the universe can't come quickly enough. We can stop now. Satire is dead and we killed her.

It's not just the whole concept of H&M using William Morris' designs for their fast fashion which is insanity inducing, but also the critical response it garnered. Like sure, people did realize this is insane and there was a lot of think pieces about it at the time, but I read several of them and they all seem to still miss the point in spectacular way.

The basic premise of these think pieces go along the lines of: "Would William Morris spin in his grave with a speed of light because of the H&M collection of his designs? A difficult question indeed. William Morris was a complicated man. He wanted art to be affordable to everyone. Isn't H&M affordable? That kinda fits. Though probably he would have some concerns about H&M's practices."

On the surface - yes - but like in reality - fuck no. There's no nuance in this particular issue. He talked about many times what he though of the H&Ms of his time, the retailers selling poor quality industrially produced "fashionable" bullshit. We know exactly what he would have thought of H&M. Here's couple of quotes from his 1884 lecture "Art and Socialism", which makes it very clear.

"It would be an instructive day's work for any one of us who is strong enough to walk through two or three of the principal streets of London on a week-day, and take accurate note of everything in the shop windows which is embarrassing or superfluous to the daily life of a serious man. Nay, the most of these things no one, serious or unserious, wants at all; only a foolish habit makes even the lightest-minded of us suppose that he wants them, and to many people even of those who buy them they are obvious encumbrances to real work, thought and pleasure. But I beg you to think of the enormous mass of men who are occupied with this miserable trumpery, from the engineers who have had to make the machines for making them, down to the hapless clerks who sit day-long year after year in the horrible dens wherein the wholesale exchange of them is transacted, and the shopmen, who not daring to call their souls their own, retail them amidst numberless insults which they must not resent, to the idle public which doesn't want them but buys them to be bored by them and sick to death of them."

He is describing the birth of consumerism, which was taking form during his lifetime in the late Victorian Era, which fast fashion is the extreme logical conclusion of, and he fucking hated it. He specifically railed against endless consumerist products, which H&M is the perfect representation of. It was definitely not the art and beauty he believed everyone required and deserved. He makes the distinction often.

"Now if we are to have popular Art, or indeed Art of any kind, we must at once and for all be done with this luxury; it is the supplanter, the changeling of Art; so much so that by those who know of nothing better it has even been taken for Art, the divine solace of human labour, the romance of each day's hard practice of the difficult art of living."

"And here furthermore is at least a little sign whereby to distinguish between a rag of fashion and a work of Art: whereas the toys of fashion when the first gloss is worn off them do become obviously worthless even to the frivolous—a work of Art, be it ever so humble, is long lived; we never tire of it; as long as a scrap hangs together it is valuable and instructive to each new generation. All works of Art in short have the property of becoming venerable amidst decay: and reason good, for from the first there was a soul in them, the thought of man, which will be visible in them so long as the body exists in which they were implanted."

When he thought of popular Art he thought of the craftsmanship of the common people. The art people have made from useful everyday objects with skillful handicrafts. This is what he means by "divine solace of human labour". It's not reverence of Puritanical work ethic, on the contrary, it's the reverence of creation, of the earnest joy people feel when they get to express themselves through their creative pursuits. He certainly didn't believe in work for work's sake, work needed to be worthwhile and enjoyable. He summarized his own position on what labour should be thusly:

"It is right and necessary that all men should have work to do which shall be worth doing, and be of itself pleasant to do; and which should he done under such conditions as would make it neither over-wearisome nor over-anxious."

He urged his middle class audience to reject consumerism (the lecture was for a very much middle class atheist society):

"For I say again that in buying these things: 'Tis the lives of men you buy! Will you from mere folly and thoughtlessness make yourselves partakers of the guilt of those who compel their fellow men to labour uselessly?"

I think it's glaringly obvious H&M and fast fashion in general is what he would consider luxury. Rags of fashion that are just churned out and discarded without thought and produced by compelling people to labour uselessly. It's not popular art that's made by workers and craftsmen, who are able to express themselves through it. There's no agency for the abused workers in H&M's sweatshops, they are not expressing their joy of creation, they are simply labouring uselessly.

Morris didn't shame workers for buying affortable things even if they weren't Art with big A, because that's the problem he despised the whole economic system for, for taking away the popular Art from people, making it inaccessible, and selling back mass produced products with very little practical or aesthetic value. So I don't think he would have problem with people who can only afford fast fashion today. They are the victims of capitalism too, because Art has been taken away from them. But the idea that some of these think pieces had that perhaps the H&M's Morris collection can be good actually if you squint, that H&M has the capacity to bring the art and beauty Morris advocated for for the people, is level of stupidity that's hard to express in words.

Morris didn't believe anything made with exploited labour could be truly beautiful, truly art. In his 1879 lecture "The Art of the People" he put it like this:

"That thing which I understand by real art is the expression by man of his pleasure in labour."

The way I understand this, is that art is communication. Through it we communicate feelings, ideas and thoughts, that is it's purpose. So for that communication to work, for it to be imbued with message, the person making it needs to feel passion and love for it's creation. How can there be love and passion if the hands making the garment belong to a tired exploited worker who has no agency what so ever in their work and can only think about survival to the next day?

Beyond the fundamental exploitativeness of H&M and fast fashion, this collection would still get zero points on aesthetic values from Morris even with his own designs. Because the work itself was such an important part of art for Morris, good design was nothing without good craftsmanship. Good design in his mind was always relative and dependent on it's purpose.

"For everything made by man’s hands has a form, which must be either beautiful or ugly; beautiful if it is in accord with Nature, and helps her; ugly if it is discordant with Nature, and thwarts her; it cannot be indifferent." (The Lesser Arts, 1877)

Here when he says nature, he means the nature of the thing that is made - basically it's purpose and function - and the nature of the materials it's made from. Basically, the design must always be made to bring out the function of the art and the qualities of the material it's made from, not fight against them. This is because he believed handicrafts were uniquely suitable for expressing the love of creation, therefore superior labour, and to really bring out the qualities of the craftsmanship and enjoy the creative process, the design should be suitable for that craft. The other side, which was the joy of using and experiencing art, required the craft to be selected for the suitable purpose. Using poorly functioning furniture for example is not very enjoyable, nor is using clothing that's made from materials that are not suitable for the climactic conditions it's supposed to be used in.

H&M of course utterly fails in this. They use Morris' designs in fully unsuitable ways. They print patterns made for example for wall papers on poor quality fabrics with synthetics dyes they weren't made for. This line from one blog post I came across really got me: "Therefore, without cheapening the artistic value of Morris’ designs, H&M’s collection offers an unparalleled potential for accessibility to them." No. Fuck no. They do in fact cheapen Morris' designs in every single way possible. Literally this is atrocious.

Despite the popular depiction, Morris wasn't in fact against industrial machinery or industrial art even, or at least he wasn't once his views on art and politics matured. He did think technology was useful, but he thought the people should use industrial methods for the benefit of all, not be enslaved by the industrial machine.

"I have spoken of machinery being used freely for releasing people from the more mechanical and repulsive part of necessary labour; and I know that to some cultivated people, people of the artistic turn of mind, machinery is particularly distasteful, and they will be apt to say you will never get your surroundings pleasant so long as you are surrounded by machinery. I don't quite admit that; it is the allowing machines to be our masters and not our servants that so injures the beauty of life nowadays. In other words, it is the token of the terrible crime we have fallen into of using our control of the powers of Nature for the purpose of enslaving people, we care less meantime of how much happiness we rob their lives of." ("How we live and how we might live", 1887)

However, he thought that the designer should approach it the way they approached any craft, by designing for the strengths of the machine work.

"But if you have to design for machine-work, at least let your design show clearly what it is. Make it mechanical with a vengeance, at the same time as simple at possible. Don't try, for instance, to make a printed plate look like a hand-painted one: make it something which no one would try to do if he were painting by hand..." ("Art and the Beauty of the Earth", 1881)

He did use some machinery for fabric and wall paper printing, but he was very intentional about their use. Still his designs weren't made for the type of methods these modern H&M machinery uses and he did for example use natural dyes. Particularly insulting is that some of the H&M clothes are made from viscose, rayon made with viscose method. Viscose method is extremely toxic and is known to cause long term health consequences for the workers and the people in surrounding areas. This has been well proven knowledge for ages. William Morris' wall paper factory in the beginning used the typical method used at the time which involved arsenic, but once he learned this could pose risks for the workers, he changed the method. Many of the new synthetic dyes were toxic at the time, which is the major reason he so favoured natural dyes, known to not cause health issues for workers or pollute the environment.

The question many of these think pieces about the H&M Morris collection posed was, would Morris disapprove and should we care? The first part of that is very easy to answer. Yes. Of course Morris would disapprove. He is currently powering the whole of British Isles with purely the kinetic energy his grave-spinning produces. Should we care though? If you care about Morris' art, if you want to see more of that kind of art in this world, you should care. Morris' art is not about the superficial qualities. Copying his designs and aesthetics and styles, will only lead to hollow imitations, that are exactly what he described the rags of fashion to be; as the shininess of novelty wears off they will reveal themselves to be soulless, useless and utterly empty. This collection is just that. To see more of the kind of art that makes you feel like his art makes you feel, not just something that reminds you of that feeling, you should focus more on the way the art is made and less on the specific aesthetics. If his vision of labour and art was realised, all art produced of course wouldn't be loved by every person, but all of it would be loved by someone, even if that someone was just the maker. And that would be more worthwhile than every single rag of fast fashion.

I will stop William-Morris-posting now and return to my thesis.

The full texts I quoted here:

Art and Socialism The Art of the People The Lesser Arts How We Live and How We Might Live Art and the Beauty of the Earth

[franki-lew-yo]

Mouthwashing and fandom discourse as a whole.

So I recently explored the tag for Mouthwashing after watching two no-commentary lets plays of the entire game. I'm seeing a lot of posts pointing out how annoying it is that this game has a fandom and that this fandom is doing fandom things and stanning/"uwu-ing" characters from this incredibly nuanced, raw and not-fandom friendly piece of art. To paraphrase someone I just saw "you don't want mouthwashing; you want Among Us ocs but darker". And

for a moment I wanna talk a bit about how I absolutely agree with this statement while also talk for a moment about how and why fandom and catharsis fan fics exist and shouldn't be shamed inherently. Or, I guess, not in theory.

The "come on! Stop trying to make everything shippable/cutsey/memey/have a happy AU and face unpleasant emotions someone's trying to tell you about!" is SUCH a vibe with me. I felt this way in the 9 fandom a lot as a kid and that was just 9. Mouthwashing is like 9 on bathsalts emotions and theme-wise. It's a game where you play as both the flawed but caring captain of a doomed ship who's life becomes a Johnny Got His Gun-nightmare, and also a deplorable, hateful piece of garbage who got himself and his friend in that nightmare situation to begin with. Both characters, moreso Jimmy but Curly too, are the causes of their own misery. They're complex dealing with one of the two committing SA and doing nothing really about it/dodging the responsibility and humanity needed to support the victim whom they've wronged.

I fully admit it's groan-inducing seeing people be shipped up Anya with anyone on the ship considering what happens to her. On a pure pr level I think it would be illegal even since romance between coworkers in a workplace is considered conflict of interest/harassment as it so often is. (NOT that what Jimmy did to Anya is 'romance'. I'm talking about the shipping of Anya with the other three guys. I know there's people out there who do ship Jimmy/Anya; you don't have to tell or show me I believe you and also I already hate it.) It's ALSO groan inducing to see people ship Curly and Jimmy considering all Curly does to him- and just the fact that this incredibly tragic, toxic one-way-gone array friendship is reduced to "toxic yaoi teehee". It's annoying AT BEST.

I get the hostility towards fandom-tastic stanning and fandom behavior in general...the issue is it's still hostility and I wish some of you guys got that. Like it or not (you don't have to like it) fandom culture is inevitable to some degree. You can and should complain about your hangups but that's all you can do besides avoiding tags and just not engaging with that side of the fandom at some point. Save your call-outs and rage for when you see active deplorable bs being committed that people are excusing for dumb fandom reasons, like lolicon, hatespeech or harassment. I'm sorry but you can not actively go after and try and take down the innocent people involved in your trigger that aren't directly hurting you by liking the thing that triggers you; ie. people who get all shipping and fandom-brained about Mouthwashing's characters which you find offensive to do at all.

This type of convo is the crux of most 'antifandom' v profandom discourse in general; for Antis I think there ought to be a difference between the people that set you off bcuz of fandom nonsense vs sociopathic 'got mine'-creepiness. There's a difference between someone who draws r34 v Shadbase. For profandom types you out to face the fact that yes- maybe NOT EVERYTHING is meant to be shippable/memed. Maybe try practicing that a bit. Yeah it's most harmless and makes you feel happy, but considering how people outside of your hyperfixation-of-a-hyperfixation is a thing. The thing about the "don't like, don't read" argument is it goes both ways. If you're truly a "good fan" like you say you are than you have to realize that people will not like your problematicisms. Learn to interact with characters and stories without the possibility of shipping sometimes- or at least understand that that's the crux of what makes a story like Mouthwashing engaging, even if you also partake in the fandumb and AUs on the side. You can call Curly your babygirl and ship him or make him happy all you want but PLEASE acoknowledge that the game doesn't woobify him or excuse what he did to Anya as well. You can make some kind of AU scenario where Jimmy gets out somehow and becomes/is a slightly better person for all I care...so long as you PLEASE remember that he is canonically a r@pist and awful. Also, even if I'm okay with your fan decisions, note that myself and others are still going to be critical and be upset that you wrote it at all because of what kind of character Jimmy is. 'Critical' =/= declaring something evil.

Fandom behaviors are not souly a destructive parasocial outcome of brainrot; they're also a natural reaction to what happens canonically and the emotions you have to experiencing a story. It's normal and rational to sympathize and love Curly and despise and hate Jimmy. You can love/like/enjoy a problematic-to-DEEPLY DISTURBED-character based on their complexity in canon. They are fiction. They are not real. The reason you are so invested with them is because of that complexity and yes because they are fiction they are your 'toy' and you can doll them up in any kind of speculative AU crap you make. That's fanfiction, baby. Make yourself a fixit fic if you really want

BUT-

remember: it stays as a fixit fic. DO NOT cross the streams, or insist that your active misreading of the text is the same as the text itself. EVER. You should care about your special interest's escapism as a means of self-care. What you shouldn't do is demand that EVERYONE ELSE LOVE your coping mechanism and that any complaints by people on their own terms on their own blogs is #badfaith or an inherent attack against you. It isn't. You'll know when it is an attack against you and that's when you, the profandom-type, need to be prepared and save your call-out posts and blocklist for.

To me that's the fragility to fandom debates and fandom as a whole. You can not/should not police or control an entire group of people and how they perceive or interact with media. That's not fair and it's definitely not sporting or decent of you in a community. You have to share your community -your fandom- with people who hate ur fav and people who love your least fav. Agreeing to disagree means not tagging your nOTP as their shipname or by tagging your shipname loud and clear. It means filtering out posts with those topics but enjoying and/or reblogging the fandom takes you do share with your fellow fandom-mite that obviously posts abt those topics.

When schmit REALLY goes down and some assface reviewer/fan/SOMETHING is being an assface or doing something amoral under the guise of fandom-ing, that's where you out to put your foot down. Callouts and complaints are for people who did an egregious thing and refuse to take responsibility(lol) for it. They're not for "soandso likes the thing that triggers me, kill them"/"so and so is hating on the thing I'm kinning because it triggers them, kill them". Be an adult.

Your DNI lists should consist of "lolicon defenders" not "proshippers", as those ARE NOT one in the same. Same goes the other way around. List off "bigots, purity culture bs", not "antis and critics". These positions ARE NOT interchangeable. If you make them interchangeable than you're making things a lot harder for yourself.

-sincerely, a message from autistic ADHD/OCD woman who likes horror and media analysis as much as she loves popcorn fanfic schlock.

We don't all have to be friends and buddybuds. I just hate us hurting each other over being different kind of fandom-folk rather than for when someone sincerely mucks up and does something bad. Can't we all stick to our guns and just boycott Harry Potter like god intended?

[sniffanimal]

you know what, let me have your fiction book recs. I'll take any recommendations but I'm particularly interested in:

SF/F/SpecFic, especially things that are fresh, subversive, or otherwise actually particularly interesting

One-offs, I'm not ready to commit to a series, even something like a trilogy. I'm spheres deep in the Stormlight Archive again right now and don't need another series in my life. still recommend them but know they're low priority

really weird books. ones with sentient houses or delusional narrators or something sinister lurking. ones that make you dizzy to read.

not interested in romance. yes even gay romance books. not my thing really. incidental romance alongside a bigger plot is fine but like Romance Genre is not my favorite at all.

general fiction is also fine, in fact I'm almost more interested in general fiction. I like stories that are psychologically interesting (I'm reading some nonfiction biographies from people with delusions/hallucinations/psychosis/etc and while I prefer nonfiction for this kind of thing, I'm sure there's good fiction out there).

particularly interested in broadening my reading scope, lesser known authors, bipoc authors, translated books, etc.

avoid YA recs. there's a lot of YA I like out there but after reading tons of books for grown ups, YA sometimes feels like I'm reading baby's first dystopia

and you can also give me nonfic recs I always want those

fiction I've enjoyed recently: the Southern reach trilogy, the Murderbot diaries, the cosmere books, American psycho, Piranesi, house of leaves, the three body problem

I've been so book hungry lately I'm like glued to my Kindle. usually I read nonfiction but the nonfiction book I'm reading right now reads like fiction so I'm like 👀 maybe fiction is good actually

[rookinthecrownest]

Discussion about romances + expectations under the cut (I'd put it as like..mildly critical, but also coming from a place of understanding?). As usual, will tag as such so you don't have to engage/read on if you don't wish to. I always invite open discussion, just keep it respectful (as I will endeavour to do so myself).

This is going to be a bit of a ramble, so I apologize if my thoughts are not clearly laid out like they should be.

I think I've found the reason why I (and maybe others), feel that the romances in Veilguard feel a bit... idk, hollow, at times (not BAD!!! just feeling like there could be MORE). And that's because of the trap of expectations. I may also be speaking completely for myself here.

Anyway, let's rewind to 2014.

Be me, 10 years ago. You're not really a gamer, but indulge in action RPG's casually.

See a commercial for this hot new game coming out called Dragon Age: Inquisition. Be intrigued by the character designs, but know nothing about the world. Come to find out it's part of a trilogy. So naturally, you buy the first two games and play through them before playing the third.

Be amazed, and completely hooked on the characters, the lore, the world, the darker elements and themes. It becomes your favourite game series of all time.

But you had no idea that you could romance any of the companions going into the experience. And man, does it fundamentally rewire your brain chemistry to fall in love with cRPG and get ridiculously attached to your Warden/Hawke/Inquisitor.

So, you romance Alistair first because he's funny as hell, and has a really interesting story/character arc. Then you romance Zevran, and love that too - he's charming and suave and awkward and funny. Then you go onto DA2 and romance Fenris and Anders, and each of those romances pack their own emotional gut punches. Then it's finally time for DAI, and predictably, you go for Solas (a veritable slow burn that spans TWO games), Cullen, and partially (I never finished those playthroughs lol) Blackwall and Dorian.

I had no idea you could romance companions going into these games. It was a pleasant surprise! It always felt like an important part of the story, while not overshadowing the main plot. There was enough material in the codexes, the cutscenes, and party banter to make each romance feel complete and whole and awesome and nuanced.

And then, like some of you I suspect, I read an article that touted Veilguard as "The Most Romantic Bioware Game Yet", and I thought - "Wow, if they're saying this then the romances must be something else", given the quality of the previous romances you've experienced in these games!

But you get to the game - and while you're having fun, it definitely leans more into the ARPG style where romances feel a bit more pushed to the side in order to tell a certain story than the traditional Bioware/Larian RPG experience you've come to love.

Which is fine! Again, once I stopped thinking of Veilguard as a classic Bioware CRPG, and more like GOW/The Witcher, I found I was able to appreciate it a lot more for what it is. Things have to Happen A Certain Way for the narrative to work, and that's not a bad thing. DA2 was similar - it was a harrowing, personal tragedy about the Hawke family and their struggle to survive in Kirkwall.

Just like DA2, there are aspects of Veilguard that make me glad things happened the way they did. I'm not mad that Rook has so much dialogue without a ton of player input and you can't 'be evil' - because the game doesn't make sense if you can. At its core, Veilguard's narrative is centered around Regret, after all - you can't have an evil protagonist running around because Solas' Regret prison would never work (evil people don't generally tend to regret their actions...)!

Now, if you're expecting a long-winded, fully researched academic breakdown of every romance I'm sorry but that ain't happening tonight lol. This is not based in any fact, this is all opinion.

I can't quite put my finger on it, but sometimes it feels like the romances in this game (and I say this with the biggest grain of salt as I've only done Emmrich and Lucanis' - and am going through Neve's now), are just missing....something, to take them from good to great.

I loved Emmrich's romance. I thought it was very well done. I think a lot of people would agree it's one of the stronger ones in the game - doubly so if you play as a Mourn Watch Rook (you get a TON of MW specific lines going this route, it's great). His side romance with Strife if you don't get together is very cute, I enjoyed it. But as superbly well done as it was, somehow, I wouldn't even put it in my top 4 Bioware romances.

With Lucanis' romance - whatever my hangups may be about how it was handled, certain parts of his romance were done excellently (even better than some of the previous Bioware romances, I'd say). You can read more about my thoughts on his romance here which is why I'm not going into detail about it. Unlike Emmrich's, I would put it in my top 4 because I fell in love with the character that much (both in the game but really, I've loved him since Tevinter Nights), and I've grown very attached to my first Rook and him as a pairing. I've seen others share a similar sentiment on here (and I hate to say it but I agree) - sometimes it feels like I fell in love with Rookanis despite the way it was handled, not because of it. I can't say that for many other romances. While it's been fun to think up a lot of HC/write fics/make art about those abandoned concept sketches and parts where I felt the game could have showed us more of their dynamic, I can't help but feel like his (and other) romances would have immensely benefited from even 1 or 2 extra small scenes to flesh it out a bit more if they weren't going to let us freely talk to our companions.

The issue with the romances might also have something to do with the pacing of the game itself. I think Act 2 is where the pacing goes a bit awry, before picking back up in Act 3 (which is great, I love it).

Sometimes I also felt that there was a little too much reliance on codex entries and party banter to tell the story of the romance rather than showing it explicitly through cutscenes. I think that's what makes the romances feel a bit truncated at times, compared to the previous entries? Some of the romance-specific party banter was so good, it probably deserved its own cutscene. But it's also highly dependent on the party you have, and it's easy to miss/not trigger. I remember absolutely living for the cutscenes in the first three entries and I can't explain why I feel like, subjectively speaking, Veilguard just has less romance content (this may not be objective reality - I haven't compared the amount of romance specific content head to head with other games).

I also couldn't tell you why I feel DA2 doesn't suffer the same problems as DATV in terms of romance interaction - because you can't freely talk to your companions in that game either. Yet somehow, it always felt like I was getting enough of them to not notice that. I do miss being able to chat my LI's ear off and ask them questions about their life/their views/etc. like I could in DAO and DAI. I think it's a shame we can't because the companions in DATV are SO interesting. I want to ask them all a billion questions about their lives/stories/etc even if they're not my love interest. The party banter in this game is immaculate but being able to talk to them individually about this stuff would've been SO nice. I feel that I've missed out on SO MUCH of these characters just because I didn't have two of them in my party at the same time!

Anyway, I need to wrap this up.

In closing, perhaps, if I hadn't read that article about how it was going to be Bioware's most romantic game ... maybe I wouldn't feel this way? I think it sent my expectations through the stratosphere, and that's no one's fault but my own. Not Bioware, not EA, mine.

I know that this game's development cycle was a unique sort of hell that the other games didn't suffer. To go from Joplin -> Morrison -> Veilguard. To have so many of the original staff leave the team when Joplin got scrapped. To have to pivot from Live Service and then back to single person RPG. More lay-offs. It's a miracle this game got made. I'm happy I can sit around thinking about it. And I hope its successful enough that we get DA5 so we can all sit around dissecting that in 5-10 yrs time.

Don't get me wrong - I enjoy the Veilguard romances for what they are. I'm enjoying them more I play and discover additional banter/codex/etc that I missed the first time around. Like any Bioware romance, there are spots where they hit their stride, and spots where they falter a bit. When they hit their stride they knock it out of the fucking park. But when they falter, you can really feel it. Romance is hard to write! And you'll never fully please everyone.

But a small part of me wishes I'd gone in blind, and checked my own expectations a bit.

Maybe you agree, maybe you don't. Tell me about it. What was your experience with the romances? Did you also read that article and get your expectations up?

I hope this makes sense.

Kind regards good fandom folks,

Keep the discussion respectful. And please don't use this post as an excuse to just blatantly hate on the game.

-Rookie

[noturlocallily777]

𝐍𝐞𝐫𝐝!𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭

Warnings⚠️: use of y/n, fluff, swearing

A/n: I know this is probably gonna do really bad but if you guys want a part two lmk but if not then I won't, this is also super long so I apologise. Pt 2 might be a little bit spicy (this is also my first fanfic so pls don't judge its really bad 😿)🪼

Summary: Y/N falls in love with a boy at the school library and they plan to go to a party together but what will happen when he arrives at her house to pick her up...

Y/n's pov:

You were silently reading to yourself in the school library, no distractions just silence. That was until you felt a tap on your shoulder, you turn around and your eyes land on the most handsome boy you've ever seen.

"Hey do you have any book recommendations I don't really know what to read" The brunette haired boy spoke. You don't reply straight away as you're too busy staring into his eyes and taking in his appearance. "Hello...?" He spoke softly. "Oh uhm sorry about that" you giggle nervously "well I really like romance books so if you like that I'll show you where they are" you speak as you give him another glance up and down. 𝐆𝐨𝐝 𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭. "Sure, lead the way" he smiles politely. You stand up to show him where the romance books are.

Matt's pov:

His gaze lands on you as you stand up, his eyes wandering up and down your body. "So uhh...are you going to that party next week?" I question nervously. "I'm not sure, I don't really have anyone to go with" the pretty girl infront of him speaks. "Y'know we can always go together if we get to know each other a bit better....of course only if you want to" I smile politely. "Yeah I'd like that a lot" she replies with a small giggle.

After exchanging phone numbers and few days of talking and texting back and forth over the weekend the day of the party finally comes.

Y/n's pov:

"I really need to look good for him today" I sigh as I look in the mirror, thinking about what to wear. You walk over to your closet and pick out (outfit of your choice). After you've changed into the outfit you pick up your phone and see a notification from Matt. The text read: "hey 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲, be there in 10"

Matt's Pov:

I hit send on my phone. My heart is beating out of my chest as I re-read what I sent Y/N. "Hey pretty, be there in 10". 𝐅𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐢 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭, I think to myself. All the negative thoughts come to a stop as I read what Y/N replied with. "Okay handsome see you soon" the message reads. I bite my lip as I see the reply, the corners of my lips curling up into a smirk.

Y/n's pov:

As I finish my makeup and hair I hear a knock at my front door. I rush downstairs and open the door, only to be met with the same boy I fell in love with in the library, his pretty blue eyes and fluffy brown hair. You could stare at him for hours.

(Creds to @sof1ii she gave me ideas for this go follow her)

[fatalism-and-villainy]

This is a bigger problem in the fanfic realm as well, because I have recently frequently been running into the problem of being drawn in by shippy fanfics that involve things like captivity, enslavement, and other scenarios that inherently constitute reduced autonomy and thus dubious (at best) consent, but actively refuse to engage with those implications.

And it's frustrating, because these are scenarios that I find compelling, and that have the potential for very rich emotional work. I like the juxtaposition of physical pleasure or emotional fulfillment with feelings of fear and violation, and the shame and self-blame that those feelings bring about. And I like digging into an experience of love and desire that is frighteningly selfish in its negligence towards the personhood of its object.

But I see so many of these fics that are explicitly framed as seeking to avoid these story elements - they'll have an author's note or something at the beginning with something like "I know this is problematic, but I've tried to mitigate the dubcon elements as much as I can!" And I find this... deeply frustrating! Because it's seeking to ameliorate the very dynamics that make this sort of story interesting to me!

And by the refusal to engage with the inherently nonconsensual aspects of these premises, I'm not necessarily referring to fantasy romance plot scenarios in which the characters overcome the violence of their initial dynamic to live happily ever after in a more egalitarian relationship. I can understand that these plots are living inside a sort of non-diegetic BDSM fantasy bubble, and they are still engaging with and deriving their initial eroticism and intimacy from violence implicit in their premises, while using the fantasy aspect to mitigate the actual "realistic" consequences of that violence. (I read some danmei novels that did this in ways I found really enjoyable; I think Hannigram also arguably fits into this mold in certain ways, especially considering that it is a fantasy about the parts of abuse that can feel intensely thrilling and that can make you feel recognized and known in ways no one else can.) What I'm referring to is, well, a refusal to engage at all with that violence and violation; an implementation of these premises that feels like just another pretext for introducing the characters and getting them into a relationship, without attentiveness to the implications of the specific pretext in play.

And there's something worth probing at with these kinds of authors' notes in the sense that... there's a lot of concern in fandom nowadays about "romanticizing" rape and abuse, and the seeming necessity of portraying perfect negotiation and consent in fanfic. And yet these sorts of paratextual framings seem to me to be dangerously mistaken about what consent even is - to be conceiving of it as a magic script with no interpersonal or situational antecedents, one that intrinsically smooths over systemic power differentials or lack of personal trust.

I wonder also if that's actually related to the simplistic approach to textual criticism that I sometimes call "checklist criticism" - the idea that a text can be deemed harmful or not, problematic or not, -ist or not, simply by going through a list of "is x present? check yes or no" bullet points, rather than taking a more holistic approach to the relationship between textual production and broader systems of power, being attentive to the specific premises and genre/stylistic aims of a text, etc. Possibly that's too much of a reach for what is ultimately a complaint about the difficulty of finding really juicy darkfic, but it's worth considering.

[gingersnaptaff]

hi anon again and no you didn't bore me at ALL!! i loved hearing about the welsh arthurian mythos and i want to know more. please tell me where i can read about them and tell me interesting facts you like about it!!!!!!!!

Anon, I am hugging u. Thank u for saying I didn't bore u!!! So glad u liked my mad ramblings!!!

Okay, so The Mabinogion is probably a good place to start. It contains four branches of Welsh mythology which sorta ties into Welsh Arthuriana because some of the gods (Manawydan, Pryderi, Gwyn ap Nudd, Mabon ap Modron, Bendigeidfran's head.) pop up in both. Also, it contains Culhwch and Olwen which is a tale concerning Arthur's cousin Culhwch going on a quest with Arthur and his knights so he can marry Ysbaddaden Pencawr's daughter, Olwen. It's believed to be the earliest-written Arthurian romance preserved in manuscripts. It also contains three other Arthurian romances which are either Welsh tales that have been adapted by De Troyes and then back into Welsh but with a twist, or just based on French romance tales that have been repressed for the Welsh. (Idk really know which one is true but they're all fun!!!)

There's also the tales of Lludd and Llefelys (a personal fave.), The Dream of Rhonabwy (a fictional dream containing Arthurian characters but also actually REAL LIFE Welsh ruler Madog ap Maredudd.), AND The Dream of Macsen Wledig which is essentially one man's quest to bonk a hot lady in Caernarfon. (Tbf, Macsen Wledig is somewhat of an Arthurian figure in his own right cuz he too is seen as a Mab Darogan (prophecised son) in Welsh Culture because he united the Welsh under one banner, and then died, and then Wales immediately split into kingdoms again.)

You can either access Charlotte Guest's translation which I am sure @queer-ragnelle has scanned, or Sioned Davies' new translation which has handy dandy footnotes and such.

There's also Gwyn Jones and Thomas Jones translation which uses a lot of the medieval language but was also made into a beautifully illustrated book by Alan Lee (An illustrator who is famous for LOTR illustrations). Jeffrey Gantz's edition is, I think, the most recently published edition but you can tear Sioned Davies from my COLD DEAD HANDS. Or, if you like poetry, one of my old English lit lecturers, Matthew Francis, has done a poetry version of the four branches! It's amazing!!!!

Also, Naxos has an audiobook version read by Matt Addis which uses Guest's translation but is good for listening to. I love it.

(You'll also want Trystan ac Essyllt, 'The Triads of Britain' and 'The Arthur of the Welsh' which are written by Rachel Bromwich, and I recommend O.J. Padel's 'Arthur in Medieval Welsh Literature' for more on how he's portrayed through that. And if you like modern re-tellings Seren Books has a box set of them! Each one is a re-telling of each branch of the Mabinogi, Culhwch and Olwen, the three romances, and the others. Very fun!)

Now in terms of my favourite things: Peredur being Urien's first cousin irl made me be like WHAT? Like, they're SO interconnected it's MADNESS. Urien, Owain, and Peredur are all related. Also, the fact that Welsh Arthuriana has swallowed up eight irl monarchs (Edern ap Nudd, Cunedda, Owain, Urien, Geraint, Peredur, Macsen Wledig, Cynon ap Clydno (Owain's sister, Morfudd's, lover), and Cynyr Ceinfarfog (Cai's dad), one poetic genius (Taliesin - who wrote about Urien as it goes!!! BTW read the tale of Taliesin. Sjdddkxk. The Jones and Jones translation has it, the Davies translation of the Mabinogi does not.), Emrys Wyllt who was the inspiration for Merlin, and sixty-seven thousand gods, as well as a few saints.

My favourite fact about Welsh Arthuriana is probably that Gwalchmai and Peredur probs had a relationship, Arthur is canonically in love with his boat, Cai literally says 'if u held my dick like that I'd die.' in Culhwch and Olwen, and Gwenhwyfar's a fuckin GIANTESS. 😍😍😍😍 I have many more facts but like I don't want to clutter the feed!!!!!

Hope my rambles were helpful in some way! Have a good day/night, anon! ☺️🧡

[pavedinashes-if]

Hello you, This was going to be a comment for your romance mechanic post. But it got so long that I thought it would be better as an ask. So here we go.

I love your game concept so much!

I feel like I haven't read any IF that is as realistic as PIA will be. But I'm not gonna lie. I might get lovesick~ if any of the ROs is going to break up with my MC. 😂

If they break up with our MC, will we learn the reason they broke up with us in the first place? So we can adjust our next playthrough accordingly? Or is the breakup more fuzzy?

I can't wait for more. 😇

Much love, Lee

Hey Lee!

First of all, I received your other ask as well, I just dont have all the answers yet so I hope you forgive me that I answer this one first. Just one thing... you'll get your sandlewood 😉

Also, you can call me Sai.

Thanks a lot for your message! I am really giving my best with the realism 😮‍💨 Relationships are the focus in PiA so...

Some updates will be faster while others go slower due to this, but step by step we'll get to your traumatic fantastic experience.

About the breakup...

I'd say you'll (always) know. Most will address you directly. Some will be more... avoidant suddenly, leaving Mc wondering. But I am sure the reader will know pretty well what they did... and if you don't... there's still your author and friend who is ready to give you the answer you have not asked for 😂😈

So yeah, MC might disqualify themself from some relationships without knowing... Ooopsie...

Have a lovely day!

[proudchildlesscatlady]

I have some "unpopular" Legendborn opinions I want to share. We can agree to disagree because I love to hear your own opinions.

There will be spoilers from Legendborn and Bloodmarked so read this post at your own risk.

1. I ship Bree with Nick. You can say I am Team Nick as much as I like the idea of Bree and Sel being end game. Nick has always been good to Bree since the very beginning unlike Selwyn. Yes I know Sel redeemed himself by saving Bree during the many times she was in danger but I still want Bree and Nick to be endgame (unless he is killed off which will make me sad 😢).

2. On the topic of shipping, I do not agree with the idea of breeselnick being a thing. I'm not against polyamorous relationships and I see valid reasons why the three of them should be together. My reasons why I'm against this ship is because:

- Bree is far too young for this. She just turned 17 towards the end of Bloodmarked. I believe a polyamorous relationship is too much for a teenage girl like her to deal with.

- Bree has a lot of trauma she needs to heal from before she even thinks of forming a complicated relationship such as a polyamorous one.

- Jealousy and competition will eventually happen. I can definitely see Sel and Nick competiting for the affections of Bree.

3. I hate Sar (Sarah) as much as I hate her girlfriend Tor. I know Sar is a kind character who has always defended Bree and treated her well unlike most. I can't get over how could someone stay in a relationship with someone as racist and horrible as Tor. I understand that love can sometimes make you see someone through rose-colored glasses and ignore every red flag. I don't know about you but racism and any form of bigotry is a huge turn off for me. Sar continuing to date Tor after everything makes Sar just as complicit. What's worst is that Sar is half Latina and dealt with racism in the past. She should know better and I say this as someone who is also Latina (fully not half).

4. As much as the romance in the Legendborn series is both cute and fun, it is not the main reason why I enjoy this series. I enjoy reading Bree's journey and her story. Learning about her ancestry and her connection to Rootcraft was one of the best aspects to the series. I love how Tracy handles uncomfortable topics such as racism, slavery, etc in a way that is informative and fits her story. It is also amazing to have a Black/WOC protagonist in a fantasy story.

[fanvoidkeith]

sometimes being aroacespec is confusing. what do you mean, most people can tell the difference between platonic and romantic and sexual attraction? what do you mean people don't "choose" crushes? what do you mean that people can imagine themselves in a physical situation with someone else?? isn't dating just Friendship Plus??? hell, isn't marriage just Friendship Plus?????????

what do they mean??????????? what are feelings???? why am i so confused????????

*edit: changed "aroace" to "aroacespec", since several aromantic people felt that this was not an Aromantic Feeling. i see you, i hear you, and so i changed it to be more accurate to me personally, since i am Confused About Feelings Always

[lokh]

mom avoids dead anime mom curse because he transitions. he’s always had a complicated relationship with pregnancy because of how woefully little people are told about potential complications and aftercare, and also because of how gendered it is, so after the birth of his second child he’s finally had it and decides to transition

he joins a local community group for mothers and at first it’s played for laughs how often they fall to the dead mom curse, but soon we find out more about how society has failed mothers and people who give birth, from information being withheld, procedures being carried out without consent, lack of accommodations and maternal and paternal leave, racism…

it also turns out that becoming a man doesn’t help with this, not really, because being a pregnant trans man brings its own problems. follow along as he learns more about being a parent and a mother, and maybe even… finding love???

coming to you never because I can’t write!

[contagious-watermelon]

there's something to be said for the fact that it's so much easier to accept yourself as asexual than as aromantic. when you realize you might be asexual, you have to contend with a giant shrinking of your dating pool, and the realization that you won't be able to have kids the way people want you to. but you — or, I at sixteen — can take comfort in the knowledge that you'll still be able to find love — that thing which we've been told since practically birth that will be the purpose of our life, basically. get a nuclear family, have kids, fall in love. people who are single spend their whole time complaining about it, wishing they had a partner. someone dying alone is the worst thing that can happen to a person. if you're not dating someone, you're alone.

and the alloace (or someone who thinks they are, at least) clings as tightly as they can to the insistence that we can still love — because to deny that would be to doom yourself to forever be alone, unable to find a place in our society. the reason i think that so many aroace people realize their asexuality before their aromanticism is because of exactly this, that asexuality can still be somewhat (with much effort) slotted in to romantic society. aromanticism cannot, and every aro person has to contend with that when they discover their sexuality. (at least, i did.)

a lot of people in the aro community are trying to do the same as the ace community has, to hang onto "we can still love" with the skin of their teeth. to insist that it's still possible to aro people to date — for that way they'll have some way of still fitting in. this, in my opinion, is why qprs have so proliferated throughout the aro community specifically; so much so that being aro, you're assumed to want a qpr as much as an alloromantic person would want a romantic partner. it's a fear of reckoning with what your place your sexuality puts you in wrt society, of facing the fact that you will be forever alone. because, if you spend your whole life being told that a bachelor, a spinster, a crazy cat lady is the worst thing that could happen to you, when you realize you're not going to ever fall in love? you don't want to accept that perhaps they were wrong, that perhaps you can live a completely fulfilling life without having to replace romance with anything at all, be it friendship or a qpr or anything else.

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

Outdrawn

f/f contemporary romance

two cartoonist who’ve been rivals since uni, and now have competing webcomics online, have to work together on the relaunch of a cult classic at the comic press they both work at

they both struggle with art-related physical and mental health issues, and complicated families

[antiqua-lugar]

in honour of one year of bg3 or close enough the hate gale's romance got for *check notes* having the same things as everyone elses' romance was wild.