#and i almost started crying the res on the monitor is so nice

[beestripe-and-spines]

I feel like i'll reach more likeminded folks here than my main where i just rb memes so i gotta holler rq

I comm'd @nanistar not too long ago and MAN you should too his art is just lovely and he's great to work with.

He primarily draws cats but he did my two critters super well!! bam

You wanna support nanistar so badly rn (he also has some super pretty cat adopts open!)!!

[canaidliafail]

stay grounded pt.2

streamer Abby anderson x streamer reader 🌿

[part 1] [part 3]

TW: weed & poor usage of the english language. MDI

quick note: HUUUUGE thank you to all the comments and reblogs and asks 🥹🤲🏻 I never thought I would get to experience such overwhelming support regarding my silly lil fics so Im very grateful and hope you enjoy the upcoming parts just as much

24 full hours passed until the moment you were almost ready to open her message. You didn’t know what to say or what she was going to ask. You liked the message there because what if the conversation just didn’t go well? What if she was reaching out to complain about your fans ? or what if…well just

what if

You checked the time and then your phone.Depending on where she lived you either were about to respond way too early or way too late and that mattered to you a lot because you needed to have excuses made accordingly for he lack of responding

“she is at the gym” or “she’s probably asleep”

“heyyyy :)” you typed the response and stared at it for a hard minute. Was it childish? no it was fine, it seemed friendly

you erased it and typed a “hi :)”

no now I seem passive aggressive

you erased it again and typed a “heyy” and pressed send before you could overthink that as well. Your eyes were glued on the screen and you almost forgot to blink. After a few minutes you exited the convo and pretended you were busy re-organizing the furniture in your living room and sweeping the surface of the coffee table. Your phone pinged and you lunged yourself on the couch grabbing it and looking at who texted you

It was June who sent you a link to a tiktok.

june: check this out!!!

kys

you typed annoyed and she sent a crying face with a series of messages complaining about how much of a bully you were. You opened your ps4 and decided to continue playing valhalla

your fingers started to twitch and you kept clenching your jaw and gritting your teeth stressed. You needed a distraction so in the spur of the moment you posted a story announcing you would be doing a casual stream playing valhalla in 30 minutes and went to roll a blunt while preparing everything.

you checked your phone one last time to see that your message was still left unopened and you feared it would stay that way.

“fuck snap out of it” you whispered rubbing your temples and taking one last slow drag. You carefully put the blunt on your moon shaped ashtray and left it on the living room along with your phone which was on mute.

You did your makeup and checked yourself ok the monitor a couple of times making sure everything looked right from every angle and looked at the mirror at the side of your computer checking your posture and how the clothes you chose sat on you.

You went for the disheveled look with a baggy T and sweat’s structured in a way that looked messy. You would never admit that this carefree “breezy” look took you a good few hours to perfect

you finally turned on your stream and waited for the majority of people to tune in “Hey everyone!”

you greeted them and started reading through the comments while discreetly checking yourself in the viewfinder so that your jaw stayed sharp and your hair in tact

“Hi nice to have you back Grim!” you tried to engage in longer conversations with names you saw pop up frequently in your streams and 20 minutes in you sat back and went to open your game

“alright I don’t have much time today but I thought we could hang out while I go do some tasks in valhalla. I wanna clear out some regions”

you went back and forth from your game screen to your chat occasionally replying but mostly reacting to the game

“Oh that Eivor figure ? Yes so as much as I want it I just can’t justify a purchase like that yet…But hey its on my wishlist so I owe a date to anyone who gets it for me” you said with a soft chuckle and then paused the game to throw out a disclaimer

“seriously though don’t- I, I mean sure do that if you want to but I know kost of you are college students so please don’t throw your money on me in such a way ok?” you said and checked the chat with a soft smile. A big chunk of your crowd was very sweet saying that they wanted to get you something from your wishlist and you entertained them while also reminding them to be responsible with their money

truthfully you made enough from this job and while your wishlist was open you didn’t have the necessity to ask people for gifts unless they started the conversation first

The stream was nice and slow without much happening till out of nowhere you started hearing more and more often the “subscribed to your channel” notification and started getting confused

“My god, welcome but where are all of you coming from?” you asked genuinely confused and saw the chat interacting with another favored figure. Favored by you and by your overlapping audience

staygrounded69: So this is the game you recommended. Looks interesting

Your ears were burning and your hands started to shake. You pretending to be reading, not trusting yourself to speak without stuttering. Abby, Abigail fucking Anderson was watching your stream

“Oh look whos here! Id tell you all to greet Abs but I'm sure most of you somehow found me through her today” you awkwardly said and went back to the game. Someone shamelessly sent a superchat with a voice note

“Abby should dress up as Eivor. She has the muscles” and your eyes widened at the image of that.

“That's a nice idea but she should play the game and see if she even likes it in the first place guys”

staygrounded69: Im intrigued by it for sure!

you could almost here her, hell you could almost picture the way she would say that and it did nothing to calm your nerves so in a rush you tried to end the stream feigning sleep taking over you and saying a bold lie that you had early classes tomorrow.

Once you logged out you turned off your pc and sat on your chair for a good few minutes breathing in and out thinking back to what had just happened

this was impossible. How? Why? no back to how. Actually why is better

why did she watch my stream?

You jumped off your chair and ran to the living room remembering the message. Sure enough there was a notification from the woman herself. Multiple actually

staygrounded69: the game you suggested seems interesting enough. Wanna gimme a summary of it yourself?

and then

staygrounded69: sorry was that overwhelming? Shit my fans go wild sometimes

You tapped to see her stories and her last was a photo of her living room, her dog Alice on the floor laying and her screen showing your stream. You took a good look at the image and your eyes stayed fixed on the corner of the pic where you could see her cropped frame showing only her spread legs in those mouth watering gray sweatpants

you went back to the messages

No its fine! caught me off guard is all but thanks for the shoutout <33

you answered and cringed at how formal and distant your response seemed

And of course I hope you actually enjoyed my stream

you waited and waited and a few minutes later you saw the sent turn into seen and the three dots appeared of her typing and deleting her message

staygrounded69: I did. Weird I never came across you before but you are very entertaining. Got a good look at what valhalla is about as well

no please don’t judge it by my stream today! its so much more than the shitty little quests I did today

you rushed to send the message, your passion overclouding your judgment and throwing your plans on the mysterious flirting out of the fucking window

You wanted to double text and divert the conversation to something else so that it would keep going but didn’t know how and felt that perhaps, that would’ve been a little more ambitious of you. After all she did only text you about the game in the first place

While you weren’t surprised about it but was a bit crestfallen, the conversation ended there with Abby leaving you on seen

•••

the next two days you obsessively waited for her to post a photo, which she didn’t and waited for a story which there was none and eventually with your friends help you shoved your phone in your bag and tried to get over it

It helped that you had a fat stack of assignments to work through for the week so you buried your head in fabrics and threads and tried to finish the project that was given.

a suit, which meant one inch sewn too far and the thing would be loose and crooked. You used once again yourself as a model for the costume since dragging your friends away from their work and studies didn’t sit well with you. Besides, anyone would be bored of having to sit and wait for you to stitch ,measure, sew, tell them to get up, make them put it on and then do all of that fifty times over till you got the piece right.

Cassie did insist she would love doing that for you given that she had the time but you still refused.

You would love to eventually have an actual model for your end of year fashion show but until then You'd just have to do.

By Friday everything was fixed and wrapped ready to be presented. You were waiting in line as all of you presented your work to the professor and she took her time studying each student's work. You had already tried the suit on and had taken photos to have proof that the measurements were correct both on you and on the doll that you used so you weren't too worried about it.

You had posted the photos on your profile unsure of how they would go since you felt like no one would care enough about things unrelated to the games you play.

“You did a good job. This Fabric though, Why did you choose it?”

your throat was dry and your nerves on edge

“I wanted the extra effect and felt velvet would look good on some parts”

“I see. Try to add extra effect when you learn how to do the basics first, alright?”

You wanted to cry but just gave a curt nod, put the suit back in the bag and went to the back of the class waiting for the short examination to end. This week had a banging start and a Godawful end and you couldn’t wait to go home and sleep it off. You checked the time. one more class and then you were free

In between lectures you decided to head to the cafeteria to see if there was anything left to snack on besides protein bars that tasted like dust or chips which, of course there wasn’t. Kitchen was open only in the early hours which left all of you who had afternoon-night classes to starve and figure it out on your own. With a sigh you went to the guy and asked for a coffee

“I want-“

“Iced latte, sugar and hazelnut syrup. Don’t worry I remember the type of cake you get in your espresso”

you chuckled and leaned against the counter scrolling leisurely through your feed not bothering to check the likes or comments yet

“long week?”

“yeah and I had project presentation too”

“oh shit. What major are you in again?”

“Fashion design and construction. I like it not complaining just-“

You were checking everyone's stories eventually landing on Ellies and had to double check making sure you weren’t mistaken or too sleep deprived to see well. She has shared your post of you wearing your velvet crimson suit. A deep V cut suit and she boldly left a little note at the corner

A good day to be a lesbian

“just?” The barista asked passing you, your coffee which you barely heard, too confused on how she even found you. Making the immediate and only reasonable connection you checked Abby's feed. She had shared your photo a few hours before ellie did and she left a little comment of her own. Way more specific and catered to you making your stomach do a backflip

This woman ♡

Your knees were weak and you started to feel nauseous. You took a seat at the counter looking up at the barista

“mind if I take a seat?”

“sure, did something happen? You don’t look so good”

“I'm fine- thanks…Just light headed”

“alright take your time”

he went back to his work, his frame disappearing behind the door of the -staff only- room leaving you alone.

Thankfully the cafeteria had few people left. two girls at the far east corner on their computers and a guy on the other end of the counter listening to music on his phone and taking notes.

You sent the screenshots to your groupchat. after 10 minutes of being left on “delivered” You spammed them with different meaningless messages to get their attention. Cassie was the first to cave in

cassie: Should we call you international casanova now or…?

CASSIE!!

June: They are both in seattle so I guess she's moving locally

Cassie: Seattle is 1,000€ away from our country so not really

Guys can you help?! Im panicking

Do I text Abby? should I respond

June: YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY?! YES OF COURSE SHE IS SENDING YOU HINTS

Cassie: Damn you really said “I will miss every chance God throws at me”

Rick: sent a link to a facebook post

Cassie: ???

You laughed, feeling a little better trying to ignore the obvious set for failure that any of this flirting was considering that indeed, Abby lived too far

You shook your head and went to respond to her story. If you just thanked her, this wouldn’t go anywhere. If you whined about your teacher this would show uncomfortable familiarity

Took me a week but was worth the effort♡

you responded and her immediate reply came few seconds later

staygrounded69:You made this?! Man you’re talented

No no it's just…measuring and shit.Anyone who’s handy with crafting could learn that

staygrounded69:You could say I'm good with my hands yeah…

You choked on your coffee and started coughing, your arm over your mouth to drown the noise. You had the most stupid smile on your face. You grabbed your bag and decided that you would skip the last class to go back home. No, you needed to enjoy this the way you enjoyed reading a good romance book and the only way to do that was in the comfort of your apartment.

once you reached the bus stop you opened your phone again and went to your chat

Man she was shameless and you leaving her on read for 20 minutes did nothing to make her falter. You could definitely get behind this attitude. It was expected that someone so timid and shy would probably have a nastier side and you really wanted to find out to what extent that went

And here I was hoping to teach you

staygrounded69:That’s one way to spend our date. Learning how to sew sounds interesting

Date? You sure are bold

staygrounded69:Am I? its you who owes me one. Don’t go back on your word now

You looked at the message puzzled, your smile dropping due to the genuine confusion. Did she mistake you for someone else ? Was this message directed to another girl? your bus came and the doors slid open with the rest of the college students walking in. You looked up at their moving frames and finally had a spark of an idea.

it was stupid and a reach but you did make that stupid offer on your stream regarding the ¼ scale Eivor statue.

You checked your wishlist and scrolled all the way down before finally switching to the “purchased” section.

It was there

you went back to your chat

insane. You are insane

staygrounded69; Dont worry about it. Its not the different from getting you coffee

jesus how much do these sponsors pay you?!

you asked and chuckled awkwardly to yourself. Needless to say. You had very well missed your bus too focused on the conversation and the unexpected direction it took. In the back of your mind you had a bad hunch. This didn’t feel like Abby. But you didn’t know Abby so you decided to push it back for once and let yourself enjoy whatever was going on

Staygrounded69: Sponsors are good and all but the real deal comes from my onlyfans

Your brows shot up and your eyes went from your phone to the side of the pavement. You kicked a stone and let it tumble.

She had onlyfans. Abby anderson had onlyfans and you had no idea. Oh this was dangerous information. You were sure your bank was about to cancel your cards by telepathically reading your mind any minute now.

My bad, I had no idea.

staygrounded69: Yeah set it up not too long ago which fuck, I left you on read cause things were all over the place with work. Sorry for that

Your heart felt warm and you were glad to redirect the heat in your pants to somewhere more productive. Preferably that would’ve been your brain but that didn’t work even when Abby wasn’t involved.

its cool, I get it

staygrounded69: Now about that date

I'd love to but I happen to live a few

countries away from yours

staygrounded69: Then how about you make some time for me and we can play a game together sometime this week?

you bit your lip. You could not believe this. You would go on call with her. The most beautiful woman to ever grace this planet wanted to go on a call with you and play a game. Ha! and people say romance is dead

deal 💕

you said and content you locked your phone and took a seat at the bus stop waiting for your ride. You felt a little more appreciative of how your week ended after all

—————————

coming next: cotton exploring Abbys OF page so next episode will finally have some spice <3

thank you for reading

[sugarylawliet]

bells (L lawliet x reader)

> warnings: ANGSTTT, major death note spoilers

> i know i altered the rain scene a bit and combined it with the monster speech but i thought it fit nicely okay let me live 😫

     It wasn’t easy, working as part of the kira case. You knew that better than anyone. You knew that when you begged L to let you join the task force, and by the sorrowful look in his eyes in response to your request, he knew it too. What he also knew, though, was that you wouldn’t give up. No matter how many times he warned you of the dangers, “Y/N your heart could stop any minute,” “Y/N you’d have to say goodbye to your normal life,” “Y/N this puts us both in danger and i can’t lose you,” he knew all too well you would never let up. You would just persist on begging and begging, because you’re just like him. Stubborn. That’s just the thing he loved about you, but also the part of himself perhaps he hated the most. And so, he let you join the task force.

Now almost a year into the investigation, the large band of japanese police and american FBI agents dwindled down to a dedicated few, those who were willing to put their lives on the line to find kira. That few was you, L, Light Yagami, Cheif Yagami, Matsuda, Aizawa, and of course Watari. Misa tagged along too, living in the task force headquarters with everyone else though you weren’t sure exactly why. Maybe L kept her around because he couldn’t let go of the idea that she was the second kira. Stubborn. Though you didn’t agree with his theory, it wasn’t so bad having another girl around HQ.

“Hey Y/N, have you seen Ryuzaki around?” Light asked, walking into the main room placing a hand on your shoulder as you sat eyes glued to the surveillance footage you were to go over.

“Hmm, no actually. Haven’t seen him anywhere. Why, what’s up?” You turned around to face Light, the short nail of your thumb trapped between your front teeth; a habit you picked up from L.

“I don’t know it’s just... weird,” Light removes his hand to rub the back of his neck, “Usually Ryuzaki is always here going over something for the kira case, honestly it’s like the man never sleeps!” He lets out a laugh, and you smile too. It was hard to resist Light’s charm, he just had that effect on people. So charismatic, he couldn’t possibly be kira. Could he? “I guess it’s just strange not to see him anywhere.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll look for him, I could use a break anyways.” You push yourself away from the desk, standing up from your chair to stretch with a groan before heading up the stairs- you had an idea of where he might be.

“Let me know when you find him, I’ve got some case stuff I want his opinion on.”

“Yes sir officer Yagami!” You did a soldier salute in his direction mockingly.

“Don’t call me that,” Light laughed with a wide smile and narrow eyes, a bright laugh that filled the echoey room. You smiled warmly. He wasn’t kira.

                                                     _____________

You push open the heavy metal door leading to the roof top of the tall building HQ was located at, your eyes meeting with a slouched figure drenched in rain water. You had a feeling he might be here.

“L!” You called, walking out into the heavy rainfall to collect him. What the hell was he doing out here? He paid no attention to your calls, only continuing to gaze outward at the buildings below.

“L! L, what are you doing out here? You’ll get sick, come on!” You approached him, tapping on his shoulder to get his attention.

“I hear the bells, Y/N,” L took in a deep breath, taking his time to inhale the scent of fresh rain water and cold crisp city air. His dark eyes were clouded with thought, though you couldn’t tell which thoughts.

“What are you talking about? C’mon, let’s get inside.”

“Y/N love, I fear we may be parting ways soon.”

“Huh?”

“I believe I may have bitten off more than I can chew, Y/N. I’ve encountered a monster. A monster who always tells lies. Lying monsters are a real nuisance, you know? They’re much more cunning than other monsters. They pose as humans even though they have no understanding of the human heart; they eat even though they've never experienced hunger; they study even though they have no interest in academics; they seek friendship even though they do not know how to love. I’ve encountered this monster and, well, I’m afraid I might be eaten by it. Because in truth,” He takes in another thoughtful breath, pushing his raven hair dripping with water away from his forehead, “I am that monster.”

Amongst the hard rain pattering against steel, the scattered cracks of thunder, the sound of your own heavy breaths, it all felt silent. So silent it hurt. You couldn’t breath, sure you felt yourself taking in breaths but it wasn’t enough. Your lungs felt cold and wet. It was like L stole your language capabilities, like he reduced you to a little kid who only used their vocal chords to cry. You wanted to cry. You wanted to say ‘L, what do you mean?’ but in your chest you knew what he meant. Because you heard the bells too.

“L,” You began,

“Lawliet.”

“Hm?”

“Lawliet,” He turned to face you, running his hands down your arms before taking your hands, enclosing your fingers in his, “That’s my real name. Lawliet.”

You blinked hard. Were you choking? Suffocating? “We’ll be alright,” You smiled, letting out a stiff breath, “You didn’t get the name ‘best detective in the world’ for nothing, right?”

L lightly moves a hand to the back of your head and places a soft kiss to your lips. You kiss back, tasting the remnants of buttercream and black coffee on his chapped lips. You rake his dark hair through your fingers before he pulls away all too soon.

“Mhm. Let’s go inside love, you’ll get sick.” He hummed.

                                                    _____________

Your eyes flutter open, hand instinctively floating to the space next to you expecting to find L, but all you felt was the smooth linen of hotel bed sheets fuzzy with loose balls of thread and cotton. You groan, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you turn on your phone. Almost 9 AM? That’s late. Why wouldn’t L wake you?

You make your way down the stairs into the main HQ room, where the whole crew was gathered around a table studying the black notebook they collected from the yatsuba case. L, though, sat at his same chair, staring intensely at seemingly nothing, biting on his thumb nail.

“Ryuzaki, what’s the meaning of all this?” Matsuda asks raising his voice, “You’ve somehow gotten approval from another country to use the notebook for an execution?!”

“Watari, excellent work, thank you.” L ignores him completely. “First things first, please make arrangements to transport the notebook immediately.”

“Ryuzaki-” Light this time, “What are you trying to do?”

“I’m gonna try out the notebook for you.”

The task force all let out an audible gasp, including you.

“Ah, Y/N, you’re awake. I let you sleep in, I hope you don’t mind. You needed rest.” 

“Wh- Ryuzaki, are you crazy? We know the notebook’s power is real, we’ve seen it before, how else do you think kira operates?!” You dismissed.

“And besides, who’s gonna write the name? If someone starts writing in the notebook, they’ll have to obey the 13 day rule and keep writing names forever!” Matsuda adds.

“It’s already been worked out, the person who will be writing names is a criminal scheduled to be executed in just over 13 days. If he’s still alive 13 days after writing the name, he’ll be pardoned from execution.”

You move closer to L, sitting in your usual seat next to him and take his hand, “But still...to sacrifice a life?-”

“We’re very close!” L yells, raising his fingers to rest at his temples, dropping his hand from yours. You look down at your feet. “If we work this out, the entire case will be solved.”

The flash of red from the monitors before you pulls your attention back up, the room illuminating a cherry hue like the toppings from L’s cake. An alarm begins to blare in your ear, sending your heart rate up as you jump from your chair. Matsuda holds on to your shoulder, concern painted all over his face. Jeez, he looks more scared than you. That’s Matsuda for you. 

“What’s going on?! A blackout?!”

L sat calmly at his chair like nothing was wrong. You knew he wasn’t calm. He wasn’t chewing on his thumb. He was staring up at the red flashing monitor with a furrowed brow, his eyes full of deniel. Worry. L Lawliet, worrying. Who would have guessed. 

The red hue of the computer screens flashed white all at once, one sentence displayed in black letters: All Data Deletion. 

“Watari!” L cried. You had never seen him like this.

“Data deletion? What the hell is going on?!” Chief Yagami yelled impatiently. 

“I told Watari that he should erase all information in the event that something were to happen to him.”

“If something were to happen... you don’t think?...”

“Where is the shinigami?!” L yelled.

You all frantically searched around the room, mumbles of “Where’d it go?” and “I don’t see it” filled the air. Tears brimmed your eyes as you scanned every corner of the room. This couldn’t be happening. This wasn’t happening.

“Everyone,” L called, “The shinigami-” He cut himself off, inhaling a quick sharp breath with wide eyes. He was still. No, no, no, no, no please this wasn’t happening. His metal spoon dropped to the floor with a loud clatter before he himself fell onto the cold tiling. 

“Ryuzaki!” Light dove for him, cradling him in his arms as he lay silently struggling for air. You rushed over as well, sitting on the other side of him. You grasped his hand and brought it to your heart. “L, L, Lawliet, you’re fine, it’s okay stop it! This isn’t funny, STOP!” You yelled at him through voice cracks, struggling to swallow back sobs. He only stared back with wide eyes. Could he even see you? You brushed his thick ebony hair behind his ears and leaned in close. You could feel his shallow breathing on your nose. “It’s okay, it’s okay, you’re alright, right? We’re gonna be alright?” You begged of him. Did you expect him to respond?

Slowly, almost with hesitance to admit defeat, his eyes fluttered closed. No, god this wasn’t real. You were dreaming. “L! L stop it! Wake up, please just wake up. You can’t leave me here just wake up please!” You sobbed into his chest. It wasn’t moving. All the nights you fell asleep to the rhythm of his chest moving up and down with his breaths and his heartbeat following along- it was all gone. this was nothing like that. He was gone. And so you cried harder. Your throat hurt- sore from the sobbing and screaming. It was all you could do. 

“Y/N...” Aizawa placed his hand on your shoulder, “Y/N, I’m sorry. it’s time to go.”

“Nuh-uh” You hummed through cries. You couldn’t bring yourself to say no. L would want it. But you weren’t letting him go. You weren’t giving up like that. Stubborn. 

Aizawa crouched next to you. “I know...” He whispered. “You have to let go.”

You shook your head, you pleaded, begged for him to not take him. You needed him. But Aizawa was stronger than you. He walked around you, picking up L bridal style and taking him out of the room.

“No, no, please, Aizawa please! I need him, please,” You reached for L’s limp hand, but it only lifelessly fell from your grasp as Aizawa walked away.

You helplessly begged for L back, still crying tirelessly on the cold floor. For Aizawa to just let you hold him; keep him. Please, he’s fine, just let me have him, I’ll take care of him, please, I just need him. But nobody listened. It hurt. You almost thought you were next to have a heart attack because it hurt. And no matter how long you laid there crying, shaking, you didn’t stop. It didn’t stop hurting. Because you were stubborn. Just like him.

[leafs-lover]

Because Two People Got Drunk: 27

Series Masterlist

Chapter 27

Summary: You fill the team in on the pregnancy and move into your new house.

Warning: Smut, NSFW, Oral sex (male and female), swearing Word Count: 9500

“Hey babe” you mumble walking out of the bathroom and right into Fred’s chest; his arms instinctively wrap around your back. You can smell his cologne, something that use to make you melt but now the oak and blackcurrant is making your stomach do backflips. You take a deep breath and swallow feeling his heartbeat as you stand intertwined for a few minutes.

“Thought the sickness was supposed to be over by now” he whispers rubbing your back.

“It normally is. But this baby has a mind of its own” you groan against his chest.

“You should take those pills the doctor gave you” he says to you.

“It doesn’t happen every day. Since I have to take them at night I don’t know if I’ll need them the next day or not” you mumble against his chest.

His chin rests on your head before he finally speaks again “I made you toast and jam, it’s on the counter. I have to go to practice though.”

You whine thinking about him leaving, you’re wrapped in a warm embrace and you don’t want to leave. Fred chuckles slowly rubbing your back, with how you’ve been feeling you have been super cuddly and needy. He has been making jokes about you being a clingy girlfriend, but you know he secretly has been enjoying every second of it.

“Ollie is almost done making you a picture, he says it will make you feel better” he whispers, his hand softly rubbing your back.

You smile thinking of your two year olds though process, his solution to everything is a hug or a picture and they really do make everything better. “He is the best” you mumble into his sweater.

“It’s because his mom taught him to be, now let’s get some food in you” Fred grips your hand and pulls you to the kitchen.

“Mommy” you hear your son sing as he lights up seeing you. “I made you this!” he squeals standing on his chair holding his picture up. You walk over and hug him and look down at his picture that is mostly green and blue scribbles with a yellow blob in the corner.

“Wow, look at this” you say examining his art work, Fred looks down at the page trying to figure out what it is. You look at Fred through the corner of your eye, and he grins looking down at the piece of paper you’re holding. Besides the sun you are at a loss for what else is in it.

“It’s rex” Oliver points to the large blue splotch at the bottom of the page. Next he points to the green marks “he’s playing at the park.”

Rex is his stuffed T-rex, Fred bought him for his second birthday. It’s not his favourite stuffed animal that is Blue, his blue bear Fred bought him when he was only a couple months old. Oliver is basically inseparable from Blue, taking him everywhere. You have more pictures of Oliver with Blue than without; it has become his security blanket in a sense. However if he is sick or missing Fred during a road trip you will often find him curled up with Blue, and that’s because Rex has a voice box. Fred recorded a few sayings into the box, so whenever Oliver misses him he can squeeze it and hear his voice. You practically bawled when he showed it to you, now you realize you were pregnant then, and it was your hormones. But either way it is the one thing that cheers him up when he is missing his dad.

“Oh I love it Ollie” you say brushing his hair back and kissing his head. You feel tears begin to well in your eyes, and you sniffle them back, wiping them away with your other hand.

Fred chuckles seeing you do this, he has gotten pretty used to you crying over everything the past couple weeks. He pulls you both in for a hug and kisses your cheek before placing one on your son’s forehead.

“I have to go to hockey big guy” Fred says.

Oliver wraps his arms around Fred’s neck “love you daddy.”

A couple hours later you are in the doctor’s office waiting for Dr. Morris. You have stripped of most your clothes, lying on the table wrapped in the blanket. Finally a different doctor walks into the room and washes his hands, sitting on the chair beside you.

“Dr. Morris was called away, I’m Dr. Meyers, and I’ll be doing your ultrasound today if that’s okay. So how are things, how have you been?” he asks.

“I’ve been okay. Some nausea, it’s not as often as before” you explain. You continue to tell him about how your hormones have been crazy, you cried during a dog food commercial the other day, and last week you cried when you couldn’t get a McFlurry at 8am. You explain how your morning sickness was over by this point and you didn’t get irrationally emotional when you were pregnant with Oliver.

“Well every pregnancy is different, some people believe the first one is always smooth to convince women to have a second baby, and the second one ends up being significantly harder on the mom” he says putting on some gloves and chuckling. “But that’s an old myth; everything sounds like normal a pregnancy, and your blood work is normal. These are things you might have to cope with for the next few months. I’d like to tell you you’re hormones will get better, but it’s likely the opposite.”

You grumble under your breath and can feel Fred smirking beside you as the doctor begins to setup the ultrasound. You adjust on the table while the doctor shifts the screen so he can see it. Fred moves his chair closer, grabbing your hand as the doctor spreads the jelly on your stomach. He moves the wand around for the few minutes, taking some pictures and measurements but doesn’t say anything.

You start to get nervous as if something is wrong, normally by now the doctor should have said something; shown you the screen or turned on the heartbeat monitor. Time is droning on, it feels like the doctor has been quiet for hours when in reality it hasn’t even been a minute.

You can practically hear your heart beating through your chest. You turn to Fred and he shoots you a quick smile, but it does nothing to alleviate your anxiety. He shifts awkwardly in his seat, you can tell he is picking up on your nerves. The doctor continues to move the wand around your stomach. A scowl reaches his face as he opens your file, reviewing some of the notes, switching his gaze between the screen and the file.

“So everything is okay” he finally says turning the screen to show you. You take a deep breathe, exhaling in relief. He points onto the monitor “your babies are doing good. A little on the small side, likely because the nausea is preventing you from eating a lot; but nothing too concerning right now.” He turns on the fetal Doppler and the heartbeat fills the air.

You can see Fred from the corner of your eye, smiling ear to ear. Whenever a doctor turns on the heartbeat Fred immediately only focuses on that. He doesn’t even hear what you and the doctor are talking about, too fascinated by the heartbeat. You always end up filling him in all the details he missed, and this time is no different.

“You uh…you…you said babies. As in plural” you say shifting on the table, and tightly squeezing Fred’s hand. This catches his attention and his eyes snap up from the screen and lock on yours. You see some confusion cross his face, since he didn’t hear everything.

“Yes you are having twins” the doctor says pointing to two shapes on the screen. Fred’s eyes go wide as he turns his attention to the screen and looks to where the doctor is pointing. The room falls silent, the only noise is the heartbeat and your increased breathing.

“Twins” Freddie finally says softly. “Like two babies?”

“Yes” he chuckles “twins means two babies. One, two” he says pointing to the screen.

“Shut up” you say in disbelief.

“No way” Fred whispers beside you.

You bring your hands up to your face covering your eyes “are you serious?” you ask.

Fred begins stroking your arm and you hear the doctor respond “yeah” with a light chuckle. You bring your hands away from your eyes and look the monitor while the doctor continues “it’s likely that one was hiding behind the other during the last ultrasound, it happens from time to time.”

“Oh my god” you say half laughing bringing your hand up to grip Fred’s.

The doctor prints out some pictures and talks with you a little while longer. You try to focus on what he is saying, but it just becomes white noise at this point. How are you going to manage twins? The rest of the appointment becomes a blur, you hope this is the one time Fred is listening because you aren’t.

You walk out to the car hand in hand, a million thoughts running through your head. You heard him correctly, he said twins.

When you reach the car Fred opens the door and lets you in, he started it before you left the office so the seats are nice and warm. When Fred gets in he doesn’t start driving right away, instead his hand reaches across the console pulling you from your trance.

“I can see the wheels turning, I know you are stressing” Fred says his hand lightly squeezing your thigh.

“And you’re not? He said twins Frederik.”

“Full name, not good” he laughs. “Babe we talked about having three kids.”

“Yeah but we were going to re-evaluate after having this one” you laugh, but you can feel tears building in the back of your throat.

“Hey elskede” Fred says reaching across the console to place a soft kiss on your forehead. He rests his forehead on yours, a hand lightly placed on your hip “I love you so much and we will be okay. No matter what happens we have each other and we’ll be just fine.” He places a soft kiss on your lips before pulling away and sliding back to his seat.

“I know but Fred its two babies. But it’s just not just two babies because we already have one. We are going to have three babies, three babies under the age of 3. We are going to be outnumbered; it’s going to be crazy.”

He put the car in drive and pulls out of the lot, his hand returns to your thigh. “I know it won’t be easy, I mean some days will be absolute mayhem. We will barely sleep, have no clean clothes and go through a million diapers a week.”

“You’re not helping” you whine loudly cutting him off. You feel your chest begin to tighten, heart racing while you think off how difficult this will be.

Fred laughs and squeezes your thigh “some days are going to suck, and we’re just going to want to curl up in bed and cry all day. But we have each other and we’ll figure it out. We figured it out with Oliver, that situation was difficult too.” His hand squeezes your leg before he moves it to grab your hand; he pulls it to his mouth and places a soft kiss on it. You look over at him and see him smiling at you. His presence calms you while you take a few deep breathes “we’ll figure this out too Kære” he says softly turning his attention back to the road.

“I know we will it’s just going to be a lot” you sigh.

“I know, but just think about all the good times. Two times the smiles. Twice the baby laughs” he squeezes your thigh “I know you love baby laughs.”

You chuckle lightly remembering when Oliver first started to laugh, his laugh filled the room and your heart at the same time. A smile creeps over your face and you see Fred grin knowing he is helping to calm your fears.

“We’re going to have twice the love smuk, so even though it will be crazy sometimes it will always be amazing. And there is nobody else I would want to do it with” he says and you see him grinning from ear to ear. He stops at a red light and leans across the centre console to place a kiss on your cheek, but you turn your head and his lips land on yours. He places a soft kiss on yours lips before pulling a way to look at the light which is still red.

“Same babe” you whisper pulling his face to yours for another kiss. It starts off soft as your hand runs up the side of his face, stroking his stubble in the process.

You open your mouth and Fred gently slides his tongue in. Your tongue swirls around when you hear a honk from behind you. He quickly pulls away, the light now green and drives through the intersection chuckling while you wipe some of the Chap Stick that has smeared around your mouth.

---

“You guys are moving tomorrow right?” Kathy asks. You are almost a month into your second trimester, but due to the sickness and exhaustion you haven’t made it to many home games over the past month making it hard to keep her updated.

“Uh we get the keys tomorrow, and then we have some small reno’s and the painters are coming. Then the furniture is coming, then the movers to bring all our current stuff over” Fred explains.

"Yeah so there is still a bit of stuff to do but we are hoping to be fully moved in mid-march” you continue.

You and Fred are at the annual Night of Assists gala for the Penguins foundation. They had some casino games open prior to dinner, so you haven’t seen much of the players. You found a spot at Fred’s roulette table and spent a few minutes shooting him seductive glances and playfully sucking on your straw while he just shook his head at you from behind the table.

The waiters filled the wine glasses prior to everyone sitting down. You haven’t told any of the wag you are pregnant yet so Fred quickly drank it for you. Fred hasn’t told any of the players, wanting to wait for you; and you have wanted to do it in person. What he didn’t plan on was the waiter seeing the empty glass and refilling it before the salads were brought out. He finished his glass prior to the main course and switched to water for now, trying not to drink too much tonight. This means that you have a full glass in front of you, and it has been there for the last 40 minutes untouched.

“I’m okay we can share a piece” Fred says to the waiter holding a piece of chocolate cheesecake.

He turns his attention back to you, sliding his chair closer. “It’s bold of you to think I would share my cheesecake” you say bringing a piece up to your lips. You open your mouth and slip the fork in, slowly drawing it out while you look at Fred through the corner of your eye. A light moan leaves your lips while the amazing decadent flavours fills your mouth.

He just laughs leaning in close to you, the chatter of the room is loud and he doesn’t want to yell. “I thought you might be generous and offer me one bite” you can feel his beard graze your ear, his warm breath on your neck “but I can wait until later for my dessert” he whispers kissing your neck before pulling his body back a bit to talk to Kris beside him. You immediately feel yourself dripping down your leg, part of the second trimester is your crazy sex hormones. They were bad with Oliver, and you thought since this pregnancy is so different it might not be that bad, but you were wrong they have been worse.

While it still terrifies you the thought of having twice as many feedings and diaper changes, you have calmed down from the previous day’s news. You and Fred have an amazing support system between the WAGS, your friends and Fred’s mom there will be a lineup of people wanting to help, but it’s still is slightly terrifying thinking of twins.

A part of you is nervous at telling people. Some of the WAGS are slightly traditional and have been asking when you are getting married. And marriage should be the next logical step, but you both agreed you didn’t want a big age gap with your kids. This is why you are having another kid right now instead of planning a wedding. Fred also hasn’t proposed, which is the first step to getting married.

And if your being honest, you might not have had a wedding yet but you have everything that a marriage represents. To you it represents a lifelong commitment, with babies and a house. You know that Fred is committed to you so the path you take to get there isn’t too important to you; they all lead to the same place. He has suggested going to city hall to get married, and you have considered it. But an important part of your wedding is having all the people you both love there to support you.

Fred’s hand is resting on your leg just above your knee as everyone chats around you, he leans in “how are you feeling babe?” he whispers.

“Good, I haven’t really felt sick today. They have been giving me the day off from puking which has been super considerate” you joke as Fred kisses your cheek. “But actually it’s been better in general; apart from being overly emotional I have been noticing I have a bit more energy. There have also been some cravings” you take a small piece of cheesecake and put it in your mouth, slowly pulling the fork out.

Fred kisses your shoulder “oh yeah” he mumbles while you bring a piece to his mouth. He opens his mouth and you slide the fork into it. He closes his lips around it, pulling back cleaning the fork in the process. You swallow trying to not get too turned on as there are about 400 people around you, and it’s a team event.

He leans closer to you placing a kiss on your cheek “let me know if you need help with any of those cravings” he growls lowly. His raspy voice and hand slowly inching up your leg has you want to find an empty bathroom. Your core is on fire and Fred knows exactly what his touch is doing to you. You look over at him and before you can respond you hear Kathy “(Y/N) you haven’t touched your wine” Kathy says drawing some of the eyes to you.

Fred quickly responds “she hasn’t been feeling the best for the last couple days.”

“Oh sorry to hear that” Sidney says.

“You think you had a bug or something? One went through the Guentzel household a couple weeks ago” Kathy adds.

“No” you say as they stare at you, you feel Fred shift slightly, his arm moves behind your head resting on the chair. After a brief pause you look at around at the waiting eyes of his teammates. Fred smiles at you before you continue “we’re pregnant.”

Kathy squeals and runs over to you wrapping you in a big hug. “Congrats guys” Sid says.

“How far along are you?” Kathy asks.

“18 weeks” Fred says.

“No way you’re 18 weeks, you don’t look pregnant at all” one of the WAGS says to you.

“Yeah the doctor confirmed the date again yesterday” you explain. “I’m 18 weeks along”

There is a slight pause before Fred chimes in “with twins.”

“Twins?!” Kathy exclaims “that’s so exciting!”

“Yeah I guess" you say chuckling.

“You guess?” Christina inquires.

“(Y/N/N) is a little stressed about the twin thing” Fred says laughing rubbing his hand on the back of your neck.

“Oh worried about giving birth to two babies?” one of the rookies asks.

“No" you groan glaring at him “I haven’t really thought about that! I’m worried about the 3 babies under 3, trying to handle all that. Two screaming babies and an energetic toddler, it will be a blast.”

“Stop stressing out, everything will work out" Fred says kisses your cheek lightly.

“You know I will always help out with the little ones, especially since you two make the cutest babies ever” she squeals still not letting go of the hug.

A few hours later the boys are off participating in some of the fundraiser events, Fred was up on stage participating in the team auction but it just ended. After the auction you saw him get pulled away by some donors. You and Kathy were walking around the room playing some of the games while catching up.

“Can’t believe he finally proposed to you” you say looking at her ring. It’s a beautiful oval cut diamond on a rose gold band, there are multiple small stones set around the band, and every time she moves her hand it catches the light.

“I know” she squeals picking up her wine glass from the bar. You grab your water and you both walk back to your table “he did it on all-star break” she starts to explain sitting down.

“We went to Salt Lake City where we had a private cabin” she tells you. “We had dinner in front of the fire and after the bottle wine we went on the balcony. It was snowing, the lights from the neighbouring cabins lightly illuminated the sky. I was looking out at the mountains and I turned to look at him and he was down on one knee, it was amazing. Just the best night, I’m so excited to finally be engaged.”

“I didn’t think he would propose until he retired” you say half joking.

“I know me too!” she shrieks bringing her hand up to look at the ring. “Now I just have to plan a wedding.”

“When are you thinking?” Anna asks from across the table.

Kathy brings her glass up and takes a sip before answering “August, I already booked a spot downtown. It overlooks the city and we’ll see the lights at night during the reception.”

“Oh that sounds perfect” you exclaim, getting into more details of the wedding with her.

You feel a hand on your shoulder and can tell from the touch who it is immediately, you look up to see Fred in his form fitted three piece grey suit. Your breath hitches in your throat as he leans down putting his hand out in front of you “dance with me.”

You grab his hand and stand up, he leads you out to the dancefloor. He places one hand on the small of your back, as you place one on his shoulder. He holds you tight as he leads you around the dancefloor, soft music fills the air. “I don’t know if I told you this yet, but you look amazing tonight babe.”

You are wearing a black low cut floor length gown. It has a wrap around the stomach which is hiding your bump. You paired it with the red Louboutin shoes Fred gave you for Christmas. “You have told me” you say lightly “many times. But I don’t know if I’ve told you how amazing you look.”

“You’ve seen me in this suit before babe” he says spinning you he pulls you in closer to himself this time.

You look up to him raising an eyebrow as he smirks “I will never tire of seeing you in a suit” you say lightly as his hand slides lower to just above your ass. The noise around you fades into the background, you feel like it’s just the two of you in the room.

“Well this dress is stunning babe” he kisses your forehead. “When did you get it? I don’t think I’ve seen it before.”

“You bought it for me about 2 weeks ago" you say smiling at him.

“Did I now?” he says laughing as you continue dancing. Your hand squeezes his firm bicep as your other slides up the back of his neck, playing with his hair. It dips behind the collar of his dress shirt, your pinky loops into his chain pulling you in tighter to him. You smell his familiar cologne, but he must have changed his body wash, you are getting a hint of coconut coming off him.

“Well none of my other dresses fit me because of the bump" you explain.

“It was worth every penny” he says kissing you lightly on the lips. “For the record my favourite part of your outfit is the little baby bump your dress is skillfully hiding.”

You stare up at him smiling “you’re ridiculous, this bump isn’t really that little. And this wasn’t easy to hide.” You laugh lightly remembering the hours you spent, trying to find a dress that fit the theme for the night but also disguised your bump in case you didn’t want to tell the team tonight.

“I love you, and I love seeing you pregnant. You look great with a bump, I don’t want you to hide it ever. I loved seeing you pregnant with Oliver.”

You roll your eyes at him as you continue to sway to the music, Fred holds you tightly. “I can’t wait to see the bump all the time" he says leaning down to place a soft kiss on your cheek. “Get to feel your growing belly, the babies kicking. I love it all” he places another kiss behind your ear. His thumb drawing circles on your back while his beard rubs against your neck as he peppers kisses on you.

You moan lightly his hand now gently resting on your ass “babe, can we leave?” you ask.

Fred doesn’t answer you instead he kisses you gently on the lips. He pulls away and walks over the table and grabs your purse before retrieving your coats. The drive home is an easy and comfortable silence as you stare out the window, your hand is gently resting on Fred’s thigh.  When you arrive home, you find Christie on the couch and wish her a good night. You lock the door behind her and as you turn around Fred pushes you against the door, mouth sucking on your neck.

You arch your neck to allow him access moaning loudly, your hands slide from his chest down his treasure line. You feel his erection straining his dress pants causing you to raise an eyebrow at him. “I told you I love seeing you pregnant” he growls reaching down to pick you up and carry you to bed.

----

“What else did the doctor say?” Fred asks over the Bluetooth, he can tell you are holding back. You just left your appointment which Fred had to miss because of a road trip. He doesn’t have a game today so you were able to call him and discuss the news while you drive to the new house. You are heading over to check on the progress since you are supposed to be moving in a week and there are some final details you want to ensure are completed.

You take a deep breath “my blood pressure is a little high, and with twins I’m at a higher risk of preeclampsia” you say pulling off the highway only a few minutes from the house.

“Okay, so what does that mean?” he asks, you can hear the concern in his voice.

“I need to take it easy” you start to explain.

“So you thought instead of resting you would go check on the house?”

“Well I need to make sure things are on track so we can move next week.”

“And if things aren’t we can push the move back. The last thing is our current furniture being moved in, I did that so we can stay longer if needed. We don’t have to leave the condo for 3 more weeks. Babe I need you to listen to the doctor and take things easy.”

“That’s not all I can do to help my blood pressure babe. I need to drink enough water, make sure I exercise, limit my salt, and eat more veggies and less meat. There are a lot of things I can do. I don’t have preeclampsia, it’s just high blood pressure, something a lot of pregnant women deal with.”

“Well you’re the only woman pregnant with my baby so when the doctor tells you to do something I’m going to make you do it. And you might not have it now but it could happen. Limiting unnecessary stress and resting is best for you. Christie is there, you should be home and taking a nap babe. I need you and those babies to be okay. Promise me you will take it easy skat.”

“I promise babe I will. I love you.”

“I love you too, now go home. Not inside the house but back to the condo and lie down. You are not allowed in that house until we move" he says.

“But what if they -" you start to object.

“No, go home. You promised you’ll take it easy. The designer has everything under control and she can Facetime with questions. Please for me”

You huff in disapproval “you’re lucky I love you” you mumble. You pull into the driveway but immediately turn the car around and head toward the condo. You don’t have preeclampsia, lots of women have high blood pressure and never get preeclampsia. But you know he worries even more when he is on the road and can’t be there with you.

“I love you too kaere” he laughs before hanging up the phone.

March 15

Today is the day of your gender reveal party. Kathy has been planning the party for you; Carlee, Allie and Fred’s parents and one of his brothers are visiting as well. It is also a housewarming party, and the first time you and Fred have seen the finished product.

You originally wanted to do something small with just the three of you, but since you aren’t having a baby shower you agreed to this party. Kathy started a group chat with your friends and they basically forced you into this, even getting Fred on board. You agreed because this is something you never had with Oliver, you had a small shower with your friends but due to the circumstances you didn’t have an elaborate party and didn’t really celebrate the pregnancy with Fred.

After the doctor’s appointment last week Fred wanted to cancel the party, but Kathy promised to do everything so you could stay off your feet as much as possible. It seems a little extreme since you are still supposed to exercise but Fred is more worried about you stressing over the little details.

“Oh you look gorgeous mama” Allie says hugging you. You are wearing a white, pink and blue floral dress. Since most of the party is indoors you figured you were fine to wear a dress during the winter. There is also a lot of people in your house, which is making the temperature rise.

“And your house is amazing!” Carlee exclaims taking in the house.

“I know they finished yesterday. We haven’t even spent time here. The keys went right from the designer to Kathy so she could set up for the party" you say laughing. “We get to stay tonight finally, but everything looks amazing.”

“Hi dear" you hear from behind you and see Fred has returned with your grandparents and his parents.

“Oh you are glowing, look at your belly” you grandma says placing a hand on your stomach.

“Yeah two babies does this to you" you say laughing as you hug her.

“You look amazing" Charlotte says walking up to hug you.

“Yes she looks amazing, but she is supposed to be sitting” Fred groans kissing your cheek. You roll your eyes at him and walk over to the couch with your friends and family to catch up on everything.

The party continues for a while. Oliver roped some of the players into a game of ministicks in the basement. And even with music and chatter you occasionally can hear the boys laughing or cheering. You know it is very possible there will be some broken apple watches or cracked phone screens with how they play.

Due to feet pain you have spent most of the party sitting at the couch, not that you would tell Fred he is right. Since your conversations have been limited to those nearby Fred has been mingling with everyone and you haven’t seen him in close to an hour. You just returned from the bathroom, when Kathy tells you the gender reveal is in 15 minutes.

You make your way over to the drink table, grabbing a bottle of water when you feel the familiar touch of Fred’s hand on your back. “Hey babe" you say looking to him. His lips kiss the top of your head, and you breathe in his cologne. A light moan leaves your lips but Fred doesn’t hear over the chatter from everyone else. His hand slides around to your stomach “you look stunning babe" he says in your ear.

“Thanks, so do you" you say turning your head to kiss him.

“I don’t look nearly as good as you skat” he says stroking your stomach. He leans closer to your ear “this dress, it really shows off your bump.” His thumb slides higher, lightly grazing your breast, you tilt your head, and you wince slightly at the feeling. “It also shows off your boobs, which I see have popped too” he chuckles, his hand briefly strokes your boob before dropping lower to your stomach.

Your breasts have recently become very sensitive, as has every part of your body. As much as you have wanted Fred to touch you, some nights you are far too uncomfortable. You have fallen asleep on your side, while his hand rest lightly on your hip, one of the few areas that doesn’t seem to bother you while lying down.

You lean back a little bit resting your back against his chest and feel his erection straining through his jeans. Your eyes go wide looking around the room at all the guests “told you I love seeing you pregnant.”

You turn around to face him and stand on your tippy toes, whispering in his ear “I can’t wait for everyone to leave.” You press up against his erection “so many things I want to do to you,” you place a kiss on his cheek.

You hear Fred groan and take a breath before you walk away. You find Kathy and chat with her, you try to engage with her but you can feel Fred’s eyes staring at you. Every time you glance in his direction he smirks at you. Your hormones are in overdrive from those subtle glances he keeps sending you. Fred knows what he is doing to you and what you are feeling.

You showed up a half hour before everyone else, except Sid and Kathy were there setting up in the entryway. You have been doing some yoga the past few weeks which has been helping with some of your pain; so when you arrived you weren’t feeling too bad.

Given how you have been horny for the last 3 nights but too sore to do anything you thought you finally found a window. Kathy was distracted with decorating, and Oliver had pulled Sidney away to show him some toys. Fred went into the pantry and you followed him in closing the door behind you. Kathy walked in and found you sitting on the counter engaged in a very hot make-out session and if she had of come 2 minutes later she likely would have seen a lot more. She laughed and jokingly closed the door behind her to give you guys “privacy” while turning up the music, but the moment was gone.

Now you are starting to feel sore again, but you are still extremely horny. You hope that your pain and sensitivity drops so you can enjoy your first night in your house. Kathy finally wrangles everyone for the gender reveal which is outside.

You put on your coat and meet Fred and Oliver who are standing by a net with a hockey stick for a picture. As the three of you pose you feel Fred’s hand slide down your back, before it finally reaches your ass where he gives you a light squeeze.

“Frederik” you sternly whisper, jumping slightly.

“Come on babe you’re better than that. You know what calling me that does" he squeezes your ass again. He set Oliver on the ground and kisses you on the cheek, you move over to the side as Fred gets ready with a puck.

You opted for a hockey themed gender reveal. There is a net with 5 accuracy shooting targets attached, one in every corner and one in the middle. Fred will shoot a puck, and he has to hit the targets. 3 are blanks and two have powder either pink or blue depending on the gender of each baby. He lets the first puck go hitting the target in the top right corner.

“Ahh" you hear, the target breaks and everyone waits but nothing happens. Oliver runs to the net “Daddy, hit this one" he says pointing to the bottom right corner.

“You think that one has a colour bud?” he asks.

“Yeah daddy!” he exclaims. He isn’t really sure what is happening, but he is so excited to be a part of it.

“Okay bud, go to mom so you’re out of the way.” Oliver moves and Fred shoots the puck, blue powder fills the air.

“I told you daddy" he says running for a hug. You join him as Fred kisses you “you know what that means?” you ask Oliver.

He shakes his head “well that means you are going to have a little brother" Fred explains.

“Yay! I want a little brother” Oliver screams causing a laugh from everyone.

“Well there is two babies, so we have to find out if the other baby will be a boy or a girl" you say.

“Boy! I want two brothers!” he says and you laugh lightly kissing his head. You and Fred are set on no more babies after the twins, so you are kind of hoping for a girl. Apart from the matching mother daughter outfits you love the idea of Fred having a daughter. You know that she would have him wrapped around her finger the second she is born.

“What one should daddy hit next? Top, bottom or middle?” you ask him pointing to the targets.

“Bottom one!” he exclaims. You take Oliver and move to the side; Fred hits it on the first shot and nothing happens.

“Not that one” you say. “Pick another one bud. Top or middle?”

“Umm" he says staring at the saucers. “Middle one, the middle one daddy!”

Fred takes a shot and hits the middle one “oh" everyone says as the disk explodes and nothing comes out.

Fred walks over and kisses you “at least we know what one it’s in.” You laugh as you watch him walk back, your eyes linger on his ass that is covered in dark denim. They are fitted in the ass, but don’t do justice for what you know is underneath. While he gets ready your eyes scan around the crowd and you see Carlee who is just smirking at you from across the way. Your face goes slightly pink as you know she saw you.

Fred aims at the top one but you hear a ringing as it hit the post. He pulls another puck over and takes a shot and shoots low, he takes another shot and goes wide. Everyone laughs at the missed shots.

“Need some help?” Sid jokes.

He takes another shot hitting the crossbar which earns some chirps from his team mates which he laughs off.

“My job is to stop shots not take them" he laughs.

“You’re supposed to hit it daddy” Oliver calls out which causes everyone including Fred to laugh. He shakes it off and brings another puck over to the shooting surface.

He takes another shot and hits the centre of the target and blue powder fills the air again. “Two brothers” Oliver squeals running to Fred. “Daddy I can play hockey and wrestling with them!”

Fred picks him up “yeah once they are a little bit older you can bud.” He wraps his arm around you and kisses you. He moves to deepen it slightly when Oliver starts laughing in his arms “gross daddy.”

Everyone laughs as he sets Oliver down who runs to your grandparents and Fred’s parents.

“Two babies and no girls" Fred says to you.

“I know babe, but as long as they are healthy that’s all that matters. If they are anything like our first son they will be amazing” you say looking at Oliver.

“With you as their mother they will be the best boys ever" he says kissing you.

Everyone surrounds you congratulating you, “maybe you can try for a girl once the twins are a little older” you hear Ernst say.

“Ha!” you laugh.

“We already decided we are done after these two” Fred explains.

“Being a mom of boys sounds nice” you say as Fred pulls you in tight to him. “If it was a girl Fred would let her walk all over him anyways.”

“Yeah that’s for sure” Charlotte says laughing.

A little while later everyone has left, you are at home; Oliver fell asleep pretty quickly once everyone left. Fred is driving your grandparent’s home and his family to your old condo. Your old bedroom set is going in the guest suite and you didn’t want to book the movers until this house was ready. You wanted them to stay in one of the spare rooms upstairs but there was some items on back order that won’t be arriving until next week leaving you with nowhere to put his family.

You are loading some dishes into the dishwasher, your playlist on a low volume fills the room when you feel Fred wrap his arms around you gently rubbing your stomach before settling on your hips.

“Babe, you have to take it easy” he places kisses on your temple.

“It’s just some dishes, it’s not stressful” you say moaning lightly at his touch.

“You shouldn’t be on your feet, need to rest” he reaches around you and turns the water off and scoops you up. You wrap your arms around his neck as he carries you to the elevator. Your hand plays with the gold chain around his neck, your head hearing his heartbeat while you ride upstairs “can’t wait until you’re no longer pregnant so we can christen this” he says in your ear.

You laugh and kiss his cheek “look forward to it” you say as the door dings. He carries you into your bathroom and sets you on the counter. He walks over to the tub and starts the water setting a warm temperature. He opens the cupboard to your bath salts and bubbles.

“What one?” he asks looking at you.

“Lavender vanilla” you reply smiling at him. He walks over and dumps some into the tub, a little too much as you see a big plume of bubbles forming. He walks over and helps you off the counter and pulls your dress and underwear off you. He quickly strips and leads you over to the tub where he steps in first.

He takes your hand and carefully helps you into the tub sitting down behind you. You relax against him, feeling the sensation from the jets being turned on around you. His hands are resting beside you, he is trying to respect your limitations even though you know it’s hard for him to not constantly touch your bump and feel his boys kick.

You rest your head in the crook of his neck, bringing his hands up to your stomach. Your eyes shut as he keeps his hands gently resting on your stomach not moving them. His touch alone relieves tension you didn’t even know you had been carrying. Calmness fills your soul as he begins to test the waters gently rubbing your stomach, a soft moan leaves your lips which he takes as encouragement to keep going.

“I remember 4 months ago enjoying a bath at the hotel with you when you suggested us getting a new place. We said how we wanted to get a tub like that in our house” you say lightly.

You feel his chest rise and fall behind you “crazy that you were pregnant then and we didn’t even know” he responds.

“Crazy how far we’ve come. About 3 years ago right now I found out I was pregnant with Oliver” you sigh as your hand draws up and down Fred’s thigh. Fred’s large hands still stroking your stomach as you feel one of the babies start to kick. You slide Fred’s hand to the spot on your stomach “just wait” you whisper as you feel his lips pressed gently into your head.

A minute later you both feel the baby kick and Fred chuckles in your ear “I love feeling them kick” he says as you turn your head to look at him. “Me too babe” you whisper against his lips. Fred’s golden brown eyes stare down at you for a minute, you see the yellow flecks in his irises before he brings his lips to yours locking you in a soft kiss.

You turn slightly to sit on one of his legs while you deepen the kiss. Your hands run up his beard, while you feel his slide up your back tangling into your hair. You continue to kiss, but it stays soft as your tongues explore one another, you finally pull back to take a breath.

“Bed?” you whisper and Fred nods helping you get out. After drying himself he helps you, laughing lightly as you struggle to reach your back. Once dry you grab his hand and walk over to the bed. He sits down with his head against the headboard and calls you to sit in front of him.

He starts massaging your back lightly. “Mmm” you moan lightly as he applies pressure to your shoulders, while peppering kisses to your neck.

“Remembered you like this from last time” he says.

“I think most pregnant women like massages” you laugh while he continues. “But this is really nice.”

“Well I have booked a masseuse to come every two weeks. Help keep your stress and pain down” he explains.

“I think that’s a little excessive” you say.

“You don’t want the massages?” he questions stopping. You turn around and stare at him “no I do, especially when you give me them. I really like when you give me them” you say smiling. “I especially like when you give me naked massages.”

He laughs, before he continues “I like when you give me naked massages too” he says pushing your hair in front of your shoulders while his hands work on your knots. You bring your hands down to your side looking for something to grip, and grab his thighs. You place a light grip on his legs, straightening your back while he continues massaging you.

You feel his lips lightly start sucking on your shoulders, your hands tighten on his thighs. Another soft moan leaves your lips as Fred’s mouth continues sucking on you. His hand leaves your shoulders and reaches around to cup your breast.

The pregnancy has them feeling extra sensitive, as you arch your back. “I need you babe” you groan, Fred’s mouth moves to behind your ear “yeah?” he questions. You nod your head and Fred moves out from behind you. You shift back slightly as he places a few pillows to help you get comfortable.

He spreads your legs and smirks seeing how wet you are before lying down putting his head between you. He lightly licks up your folds, causing you to moan. He continues placing light licks on your folds, and soft kisses on your thighs for a few moments before he slips his tongue in you.

“Babe” you gasp lightly as his tongue pushes further inside you. Your hips buck up when you feel him smirk against you. His beard rubs against the side of your thighs when you feel him slip two fingers inside you. He scissors you open and his tongue slides fully into you licking your walls. You are so wet that he could have slid in no problem.

His tongue slides out as he sucks on your clit, his fingers begin pumping in you. Your legs squirm while his fingers increase their speed. He sucks hard on your clit and you begin to feel your high approaching. You bring a hand down to grip his hair, moaning loudly.

“Fuck Fred” you groan as he continues, his fingers speeding up. He knows you are close and chasing your high. He sucks hard on your sensitive clit, curling his fingers hitting your sweet spot every time. He pumps quickly as your high comes crashing over you. Your legs shake as he works you through your orgasm, it is more intense than normal and he doesn’t let up until you finish.

He slows his fingers before he completely stops and pulls away. He smiles at you and you see your juices glistening on his beard while he sets your legs back down. He crawls up you and kisses you, you can taste yourself as you moan loudly. Your hands move to his back and start pulling him closer, feeling his erection pressed into your thigh. Your tongue swirls in his mouth, pulling him closer by his chain but Fred pulls back slightly.

“What?” you question as he looks at you softly. A hand gently cups your cheek “babe you have been sore and uncomfortable recently. You sure?”

“I said I wanted to do things to you. I meant it” you say pulling him in for a deep kiss. Fred rolls off you and sits with his back against the head board as you crawl over him. You can feel his hard dick pressing against your entrance while his hands rest on your hips.

He helps guide you down slowly as he fills you up. You moan at the feeling “you okay?” he questions. You nod and groan as you place one hand on his lower abs and the grips his shoulder. You take a deep breathe while you continue to slide down him before you feel him fully inside you.  

You smile at Fred and start a slow pace, rising and dropping on him. His hands move to your ass, helping you. Fred allows you to set the pace as his mouth attaches to your nipple. He gently sucks on your breast as you roll your hips on him.

“Fuck” you mutter, arching your back.

“You getting close babe?” he asks.

You open your mouth as a strangled groan leaves your mouth causing Fred to smirk. He pushes his hips further into you and begins to increase the pace. Your hand on his shoulder tightens its grip digging crescents into his skin as you rise and drop on him. The pace is very fast and has you moaning loudly, your head falls to his shoulder as your orgasm crashes over you.

Fred continues pushing into you as you lose focus, everything becomes intense. Fred slows the pace while you continue through your high. After a few minutes you loosen your grip on his shoulder and look up to him. He places a soft kiss on your forehead “you okay babe?”

“Mhm” you whisper staring at him for a second before you bring your lips to his. The kiss starts soft when you feel his hand tangle in your hair drawing you in. Your tongues dance around each other’s mouth as your hand slides up his abs that are covered in sweat.

You feel Fred’s hands give your ass a light squeeze as he helps you rise and drop on him. You are very sensitive from your previous two orgasms, and Fred allows you to set the pace. “Freddie” you moan.

“You good?” he asks kissing your cheek.

“So  good” you growl. “Unbelie…evably good.”

A devilish grin crosses his face as he increases the pace. “You feel so good” he groans pushing fully up inside you. Your head falls back and you feel Fred sucking on your neck.

“Fred. Fuck Fred” you scream as he pushes hard inside you. You begin to feel him becoming sloppy under you. You bring your hand down from his abs and begin pressing circles into your bud. Fred thrusts up inside you when you feel your third orgasm approaching. The familiar knot in your stomach begins to untangle, your walls tingling, you spasm and clench around him.

You stop moving while your third orgasm rips through you. Your vision blackens and your head falls onto his shoulder. You feel Fred’s pace slow before completely stopping. The grip around you, turns to a steadying embrace as whimpers leave your mouth. His hands run up and down your back waiting for you to return.

Your hand slides down his sweat covered chest and you slowly look into Fred’s eyes. “Babe?” he asks “you okay?”

“Yeah, just a lot. Those three came so easily and quickly, I’m just a little sensitive. Just need a minute” you explain.

Fred grips you and gently flips you onto your back “nope” he mumbles kissing your cheek. “You’re done for today.”

He rolls beside you and you see his hard thick cock, your juices covering it. The vein is deep blue, tip throbbing and leaking precum. You roll onto your side and run your hand over it causing Fred to whimper “I can’t leave you like this” you explain.

“Yes you can, I’ll be fine in a couple minutes if my naked girlfriend stopped touching it” he shoots you devilish grin trying to grip your wrist but you shake it away. “After what happened we’re not continuing. I knew it would be too much.”

“Too much pleasure not pain babe” you explain stroking him and rolling to rest on your legs. “If you’re not going to fuck me then I’ll have to handle this another way.”

You crawl onto your knees hollowing your mouth. Your hand pumps him a few times while you open your mouth taking him in. You clean your juices off of him and then proceed to fully allow him in.

“Babe, come on you don’t have to” he moans but you aren’t even sure he believed himself. His hands stop trying to pull you off, and tangle into your hair pulling it back into a loose ponytail. You bob up and down with a hollow cheek taking him fully in.

Danish curse words spill from Fred’s lips, his grip on your hair tightens. You know he is close and you bring your hand to his gently massage his balls. You feel his legs tighten under you as he reaches his high. He spills his seed deep in your throat, while you suck him dry.

You pull away and smirk up at him through your lashes “geez babe, your something” he says with a large smile. You crawl up to your pillow and lie down looking up at Fred who shifts onto his side. “You didn’t have to do that smuk” he whispers brushing your hair behind your ear.

“I know I wanted to” you respond and feel Fred’s lips press lightly to yours. It’s a soft and quick kiss before you feel the mattress shift while he gets out of bed. He pulls on a pair of boxers and heads to the bathroom. He returns with a damp washcloth and gently strokes your sensitive folds. You whine at the contact and Fred kisses your shoulder “sorry smuk” he mumbles against you.

He throws the cloth in the hamper and pulls one of his large t-shirts over your body before crawling in behind you. He adjusts the pillows to get you comfortable, you feel your eyes getting heavy. He lies down and rests his hands on your hip while you listen to his light breathing as you drift off.

Next Chapter

[persephonesinfernos]

constellations | part eight.

summary: there are only 88 officially recognized constellations, a small number considering you and your soulmate would have the exact same constellation on your skin. how can be sure if it was really them with so few of them? you could mistake your soulmate.

word count: 1628.

pairing: bucky barnes x reader.

warnings: mentions of past violence.

author’s note: well babes, this is it! I hope you’ve enjoyed the ride so far and I’d love to hear what you think about this story.

constellations masterlist | masterlist

Everything was a blur, Erik was just there standing as if this was over. Hands around (Y/N) throat and her eyes, her eyes were red. Little petechiae were already forming thanks to the pressure cutting her oxygen.

Erik’s smug was on full display every time his eyes were fixed on mine and the grip on (Y/N)’s neck was only getting tighter and I couldn’t do anything. But her eyes, oh boy. Her eyes showed nothing but love, nothing close to fear, just love and an apologetic look.

How could she not be afraid? I was terrified on the prospect of losing her, losing her kind and warm smile as well as the feeling that explodes on my chest every time her soft lips are pressed against mine.

I couldn’t hear the words Erik was speaking, it was as if my ears blocked them and I was only getting some of his words and all of them made me just crash his head down on the pavement. And then, he said something about soulmates and I just snapped out of whatever was going through my head.

Next thing I knew was that Erik is sprawled far away from (Y/N) and my left arm seems to have a brain of its own. It kept on hitting him, well me, I kept hitting him hard on his head. And as his laughter only increased talking nonsense, my hitting increased too.

Until some strong arms were wrapped around my metal arm as a voice told me to stop, that it was over and I needed to get back to (Y/N).

Suddenly, your eyes opened up and you tried to breathe but something was preventing you from doing that. Your hand reached to the thing in your mouth fanatically, trying to rip it away so you could breathe.

A monitor to your left side started to beat loudly, the door to the room you were in was opened rapidly. Steve making his entrance and heading quickly to your side.

“Shh, (Y/N). Stop it, stop it.” He said as his hands were placed on top of yours, trying to calm you down. “You need that thing to breathe, you’re at the hospital. You’re safe.”

Your respiration calmed down as you heard Steve’s words. You closed your eyes so no tears would spill from your eyes, safe.

You re-opened your eyes again searching the room. You were safe, but…

“He’s not here (Y/N)” Steve spoke softly like he read your thoughts. “He’s back at our place, he… Well, he’s quite broken about what happened.”

A puzzled look in your face was all it took for Steve to grab a notebook and a pen so you could communicate with him.

“What happened after I passed out?”

“He beat the hell up from Erik, almost killed him.” His sounded pained, but it was impossible that he was as pained as you were in that moment. Your heart beating with sorrow and concern for him.

“I want to see him, I need to see him.”

Steve sighed running a hand through his hair. “I don’t know if he’s gonna be up to it. He just thinks this is his fault and it’s afraid of how you’ll react.”

“THIS IS NOT HIS FAULT. I’m not reacting anyway, I just need to see him Steve.”

“Okay, I’ll do my best (Y/N). But you need to get some sleep now.” He finished the conversation with a tone that made it clear that there was no room for discussion.

Next time you woke up, a doctor and some nurses were around you. They seemed happy about your progress and started to chat about some medical stuff you were not able to comprehend. But they did say there were going to take out the tube that was helping you breathe.

Once the tube was finally removed, your lungs were burning with the sensation of fresh air after so long without a real intake. But you couldn’t talk, at least not yet. Erik damaged some of your vocal cords and you needed to stay silent to recover if not, you were going to go under the knife, again.

Steve kept his visits daily, sometimes he went with Maria Hill. Other of your friends were there too, updating in the social events of your college and just keeping you posted on everything you needed to know. It was nice for all of them and as much as you appreciated it, you just wanted to see Bucky.

As time passed, your bruises and cuts were healed. You could speak, no to carry a long conversation going on but small sentences. You learnt that Erik was alive, Bucky didn’t kill him at the end, but he was kicked out of college and legal actions were taken against him due to the beating and to almost killing you.

But Bucky did not appear and Steve couldn’t answer your questions or put a good word or excuse for him anymore. Your heart ached every time someone opened the door and it wasn’t him, each passing minute your heart broke down more.

You couldn’t understand why he was not there, he saved you. He was a hero and you didn’t love him less because of what he did to Erik if anything you understood and were forgiving.

Maybe he realized that as much as you were his soulmate being put through this much crap wasn’t worthy and just couldn’t tell you that he didn’t want nothing to do with you. Maybe he was a coward and that’s the reason he didn’t even care to know how your recovery was going.

On account of this, the day you were discharged you grabbed all of your things and instead of going to your flat, you went straight to Bucky’s. You still couldn’t talk but it didn’t matter, you needed to finish with this, at least for your mental health.

No one opened the door and it was getting you all frustrated and angrier so it was time to put your skill to do something good. Picking a bobby pin from your hair, you went for the lock. Ezra taught you to pick a lock when you were 8 and your dad locked the barn so you wouldn’t eat all of the ice-cream.

Once your work was proved successful, you entered the apartment in search for Bucky. If you would have not ventured to the back part of the shared flat you wouldn’t have found him. He was at the balcony, not t-shirt on and a drink on his right arm.

You approached slowly and if he noticed you he didn’t say anything, he just kept staring to the horizon.

“Hey” Your voice still damaged and it sounded more like a dying cat than anything else.

“You should go”. He didn’t even turn back to face you.

“I’m not. I need an explanation”.

You heard Bucky snort, his hand gripped the drink he was gulping down. “An explanation, yeah… You’re not getting anything here doll.”

“You should’ve been there” You whisper-screamed. “You should’ve been there when I woke up not being able to breathe on my own or talk. I wanted you there when I woke up in the middle of the fucking night from a nightmare.” Your voice cracked as you began to sob.

He finally turned around, his eyes were puffed, he must have been crying at some point. “How? How (Y/N)? I almost kill him with this fucking arm.” He said pointing his head towards his metal arm.

“He was right, I’m a fucking abomination and I will never be able to give you what you need or deserve, not when I have all this anger inside me and I could explode.” He smashed the glass to the wall turning back around.

You walked to him and grabbed his metal hand spinning him around. “DON’T, DON’T YOU DARE,” You said through clenched teeth. “You don’t get to be… This, all self-loathing. You get me?”

You took a deep breath. “It was not your fault, none of what happened was your fault or mine. I got a boyfriend that turned out to be a psycho, and it has nothing to do with how I feel. All you ever did was protect me, your metal arm protect me Bucky.” You reached for his metal arm to your lips and kiss it, Bucky looking at you surprise but with so much love radiating towards him.

You slowed your breathing down and look into his eyes, cupping his cheeks. “Look Bucky, I’m not afraid of you, I don’t blame you. I just love you so much, you can’t just imagine how much.” You chuckled. “I don’t know what you do to me, I cannot explain it, but I just want to feel it for the rest of my life” You look down blushing but Bucky lifted your chin up.

“Believe me when I say this. Back there, I just wanted you to be safe, that nothing would happen to you because of Erik. I was okay with dying if that meant that you would be free of the consequences Bucky.”

“How could I ever be fine if you would’ve died?”

“Bucky,” You said softly, you saying his name made Bucky’s heart stopped and burst out in love and adoration. “You saved me, you’re my hero and I don’t care about anything else that it’s not you or me, okay?”

“Okay Antlia,” He said while kissing you deeply and passionately, dragging your body to him. Embracing you into a bear hug as if he just let you go an inch you would disappear from his flat.

That was the way that the stars in both of them merged to form a single star.

constellation tag list: @zizzlekwum​ |

[whereisstevethestove]

to have a heart

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Characters: Virgil, Logan, Patton, Remy, Emile, Roman(mentioned), Janus(mentioned)

Relationships: Familial Logan/Janus/Patton, Familial Remy/Virgil

Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Happy Ending, Depression, Car Accidents, Loss of a loved one, Major Character Death, Mourning, Heart Transplants 

Word Count: 1821

Summary: Patton's day was going great- he'd just sent off his twin sons to carpool to school, he was almost ready for work...

Tragedy strikes when you least expect, doesn't it?

Notes: Happy Valentines!  I almost didn’t finish this because of all the feelings I got from writing it, but here’s a baby gift to the fandom, I love ya’ll.

You're always too young to lose a child.

At least that’s what Patton thought as he sat by his son’s bedside, carefully running his thumb over his son’s hand.  

He’d gotten the call earlier that morning.  The one that all parents hate, one saying that your kids had been in a car accident, that one son had been dead upon arrival, the other in critical condition.

What kind of drunk driver is out at eight thirty am?

Patton blinked away tears and looked up at the heart monitor.  It was steady, everything was fine.

Except that his beautiful, smart son would never have a thought again.  Braindead, and even though he had enough functioning to breathe and have a heartbeat, he wouldn’t even wake up again.

Logan had prided himself for big thoughts, with questions that stumped Patton, with musings at three am with his twin…

And now he didn’t even have that.

The door to the room opened and Patton looked away from his son to see a nervous looking doctor standing there, his head tilted down.

“May I speak with you?”

“Sure.”

The man moved to sit in the only other chair and he tapped his feet together once he was sitting before looking at Patton.   “I apologize for your losses.”

Patton gave him a watery smile before looking down at Logan.  “Thank you.  But that’s not the reason why you’re here, is it?”

“No.”  The doctor cleared his throat.  “My name’s Dr. Emile Picani.  I’m a heart surgeon a few floors down.”

“Nice to meet you.”

Emile smiled and looked down.  “I wish these were different circumstances why I’m here.  But Logan signed up to be an organ donor when he got his learner's permit.”

“I’m aware, I helped him with the paperwork.”  Patton ran his hand over Logan’s again.  “You can cut to the point.”

“There’s a boy who needs a heart.  Here, in this hospital.  Uh, I have his paperwork if you want to look over it, but he’s been in and out of this place his whole life.”

Emile offered the papers to Patton, who took them and set them in his lap.  “You want my son’s heart.”

“I understand that this is a horrible time, but with Logan’s condition, keeping him on life support is a cruelty, not a mercy.”  Emile wrung his hands and looked at the comatose boy.  “And you deserve time to mourn.”

“Emile, I lost both of my boys today.  What do you need?”

“Well, your consent to cut life support and also for us to use his heart.  I promise we won’t take anything else if you don’t want us too, but Logan could save a life with his.  You’d still be able to have an open casket funeral.”

Patton lifted the top paper.  “What’s the boy’s name?”

“Virgil, he’s fifteen and a half.”

“Can I meet him?”

“Of course, he’s in the hospital right now, we can go to his room if you want.”

Patton stood.  “I think I’d like to, if that’s alright.”

Emile led him out and Patton noticed that there was a cluster of morning glories on the door that they had just come out of.

“What do those mean?”

Emile looked at the flowers for a moment and smiled sadly.  “We put them outside the doors of people who have suffered a great loss.  It’s a quiet reminder to the nurses to be aware.  We use petunias in the maternity ward.”

They took the elevator down two floors and when they got to Virgil’s room, Emile knocked twice before opening the door and usering Patton in.   There was a curtain that separated the bathroom from the general sleeping area and when Emile pulled the curtain aside, a man looked up from his phone and made eye contact with Patton.

“Emmy babes, I said no visitors.  Vee’s not doing so hot today.”

Emile nodded.  “I’m sorry, but Remy, we may have found a heart donor.”

Remy’s eyes widened and he slid his phone away to stand and cross the room.  “Please don’t be lying.”

Emile gesture to Patton.  “This is Patton.  He, he has a son Virgil’s age.”

Remy turned to Patton and folded him in a hug.  “I know what that feels like.  To realize you might lose the person you love the most… I’m sorry.”

Patton hesitantly hugged back, the smell of coffee and lavender assaulting his nose as Remy squeezed tighter.

“Please, if you can, please save my brother.”

Patton blinked.   This man wasn’t Virgil’s father?  Where were the parents?  

He didn’t get an answer to either of these questions, as Remy pulled away and wiped at his eyes with his sleeve.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be begging you for something.”

“It’s okay.”  Patton whispered and Emile’s hand landed on his shoulder.  

“Remy, is it okay if Patton meets Virgil?”

“He’s sleeping, and I’d rather not have him wake up, but you can look at him.”  Remy stepped to the side and let Patton in so he could see the teen, who was curled on his side, dark hair spread across the pillow, another one in his arms as well.

“Oh.”  Patton murmured softly.  He looked up at Remy and nodded.

“You can have Logan’s heart.  I wouldn’t want to lose him like how I lost my sons.”

He didn’t realize he was crying until Remy had him in another hug, whispering thanks a thousand times over as Patton cried into his shoulder.

Eventually though, he had to go and Emile brought him back to the room that Logan was still in, the morning glories on the door serving as a harsh reminder to what was.

“Can I say goodbye?”

“Of course, take as long as you need.”

Patton nodded and went back into the hospital room to sit by his son and take his hand again.

“Lo… You get to rest.”  Patton didn’t bother to hold back his tears as he took a shuddering breath and sniffed.

“I’m sorry that I’ll never get to see you graduate, or ever wake up to an elaborate prank that you and Janus planned. I just wish that we had more time, you know, you deserved so much more than what you got.”  Patton let go of Logan’s to hand to bury his face in his hands.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t drive you and Janus to school this morning.  I know that it’s just a stupid carpool, but if you had asked, I would’ve said yes, you know me.”  He looked up and reached a hand forward to brush at his son’s hair.  “I don’t think that I can be as strong as I’ll need to be these next few weeks without you or your brother with me.”

The tiniest of smiles graced his face through the tears.  “I love you little scientist.  And I need to let you go save someone else, okay?  I’m sorry I couldn’t do my job like how you wanted sometimes, I know that you wanted to know who your birth parents were and I couldn’t find out in time… I’m so sorry.”

Patton stood and pressed one last kiss to Logan’s forehead.  “I love you star.”

Then he smoothed back his son’s hair before turning to go tell Emile that he was ready.

…

There was a line of nurses and other workers when they wheeled him away for the surgery.

A sign of respect for a sacrifice is what they told Patton.   

He didn’t care, Logan and Janus were dead and he was tired.  He just wanted to go home and call his mother and sleep before having to worry about funerals and all the sympathy that would start pouring in.

He didn’t want sympathy.

He wanted his sons back.

…

A year passed.

Patton moved through life feeling like a ghost of his former self, but he still moved forward.

Depression hit about a week after the funeral.   It was all too real at that point, with him staring at twin graves for twin boys, the offshoots of grass just starting to cover the dirt.

He didn’t know if Virgil’s heart transplant was successful.  No one had bothered to contact him, and if they had, it was lost in the fog that was his life.

He’d almost forgotten about the teen until he was doing his weekly visit to Logan and Janus and there was someone already there, a bouquet of morning glories and baby’s breath in one hand.

Patton walked up to them and they didn’t spare him a glance, the two standing next to each other before the person with the flowers spoke up.

“I didn’t know where else to find you.”

Patton turned his head as Remy crouched and set the flowers on the boys’ shared headstone.

“I see.  Is..”

“He’s doing great.”  Remy stood and looked at him.  “Do you want to meet him?”

Patton blinked and wiped at his tears.  “Sure.”

Remy nodded.  “My car’s the purple one in the parking lot.  Take as much time as you need, I’ll leave you alone with your kids.”

“Thank you Remy.”

…

Remy’s house was a small condo and Patton felt almost awkward being there as the man unlocked the door and led him into a brightly lit living area, with a tv that still was on.

Remy turned it off and offered Patton a seat, which he declined.

“Vee, there’s someone here to see you!”

A voice floated down from upstairs.   “Did Roman show up early?”

“No, your boyfriend isn’t here, come on demon spawn, they’re an important guest!”  Remy shot Patton a sheepish grin as Virgil hollered a response and a moment later, the teen was walking down the stairs to pause and stare at Patton.

Patton held up a hand in a half wave.  “Hey kiddo.”

Virgil didn’t say anything, but he walked the rest of the way down the stairs and to Patton, gently taking his hand and pressing it over where his heart was.

Thump..  Thump... Thump ….

Patton felt tears start to fall down his face as Virgil rested his free hand over Patton’s that he had placed over Logan’s heart.

“Thank you.”

Patton nodded and choked back a sob.  “You’re okay, that’s my son’s heart, he saved you, thank you, you’re okay..”

Virgil blinked up at him as Patton continued to cry as he felt a heartbeat that had been so familiar to him for so long.

Remy had exited and re-entered the room at some point, but he spoke up from where he stood.

“We, we uh usually visit their graves on Saturdays.  To thank him.”

Patton just nodded, still crying as Virgil moved his hand and shuffled forward to give him a hug.

“Thank you Patton.”

He couldn’t respond, but he rested his head carefully on top of Virgil’s just grateful for the comfort.

“Course kiddo.”  Patton whispered.

And maybe…

Maybe things looked a bit brighter after that.

[strawberriestyles]

Chapter 1

(Banner made by sweet sunshine @harry-nofookingway-styles​)

Harry X OFC (AU)

Sequel to Brutality: In which Melody and Harry must relearn how to navigate one another among a flurry of changes.

Read the prologue here.

Author’s note: YAYAY HERE WE GO IT ONLY TOOK ME HALF MY LIFETIME TO GET ENOUGH CHAPTERS STACKED UP!!! Please let me know what you think, and reblog!!!

The weather had warmed almost back to its usual summer temperatures. Melody felt like it was a sign. Harry was improving. Every day, even every minute, he was gaining something back. Just days ago he had cleared his throat and whispered something that Melody hadn’t been able to make out. It was a start.

She ran her thumb along the petal of a lily on the windowsill. Bea had sent them with her the day before. A sort of apology to Harry, she supposed, for her lack of kindness. But Bea hadn’t felt that it was appropriate for her to visit Harry, not yet. Not after the way she’d treated him since they met. And Melody couldn’t wait for them to right those wrongs, to see each other in the same light that she saw them.

“It’s beautiful out today,” Melody said as she turned toward Harry. “I wish it would stay.” She settled into her chair and wrapped her hand around Harry’s. “Do you want me to read?”

Harry squeezed a ‘yes' into her fingers, so she curled her legs up beneath her and pulled the book she’d been reading aloud from the table beside her. She’d started over the day after Harry had woken up, because despite what she’d wanted to believe, he hadn’t been able to hear her reading to him while he was unconscious. Or if he did hear her, he couldn’t remember it.

Melody flipped to her bookmarked page and licked her lips to begin the new chapter.

“Yeh changed your hair.”

Her arms jerked the book from her hands. It fell to the floor in front of her chair, cover bent back, as she sat forward again. Her eyes searched Harry’s face and settled on the sharp curve of his pleased smile. “You’re talking? You just talked.”

“I like it.”

Melody shook her head. Bea had dyed her hair for her, and had even re-dyed it since that first time. A shade darker than strawberry blonde, almost red, coppery.

“The first thing you wanna talk about is my hair?” she asked. Her voice was gentle. She didn’t really care what he wanted to talk about, she was just grateful that he was speaking at all. Even if it sounded like his vocal cords had spent years collecting dust in some abandoned attic. Like the air was being dragged over rough gravel.

“Well, it looks good.”

Melody pressed her palms to her face and took a shuddering breath. Harry’s face fell.

“Are yeh cryin’?”

Melody shook her head again and folded her hands in her lap. She let out a weak laugh. “No, I’m not crying. I could.” She stared at his curious face, now open and expectant like a child’s.

“Oh, God,” she muttered as realization dawned, finally climbing to her feet. “I need to get Dr. Florin.”

“No, she knows,” Harry said.

Melody paused, frowning. “What do you mean?”

“They’ve had some fancy speech doctor in here whenever yeh’re gone.”

She dropped back down into her chair and scratched at the cotton of Harry’s bedsheets. The only type of rehabilitation she had seen was the physician who came in once a day to test Harry’s movements, help him stretch out his limbs, begin rebuilding his weakened muscles. But they had been doing that stretching even when he wasn’t awake. It was nothing new to her.

“I don’t know whether I’m upset that no one informed me or if I’m just glad that you can talk back to me, now.”

“Can finally tell yeh to fuck off, right?”

Melody whipped her head upward, but Harry’s eyes were dancing, his lips twitching.

“That was a joke, Mel.”

She felt all of the muscles in her body coil and then relax. She hadn’t realized how much she had missed hearing her name on his lips, especially the shortened version.

“Mentioned your hair ‘cause it was the first thing I noticed,” Harry continued when she didn’t seem like she was amused by his attempt at a joke. “Have yeh also been…workin’ out?”

Melody did laugh at this. And to Harry’s horror, she also let out a stuttered sob. Tears dripped down her cheeks. She wiped at them quickly.

“Why’re yeh doin’ that?” he asked frantically. "What did I say?”

“No, no,” Melody rushed. “I just—” She slipped her fingers into her hair and rubbed at her overwhelmed head. “It’s been a while. For me. You’ve missed a lot. What’s the last thing you remember?”

Harry had taken the news of his coma surprisingly well. And he seemed to have no trouble believing that Colton had caused it. He didn’t even seem fazed when he heard that Colton still hadn’t been found, even seen. It was the time gap that seemed to cause him some trouble. Melody had watched the pulse on his monitor spike when he’d learned that nearly five months had passed. Five months. And Melody had yet to fill him in on what had happened in the meantime. Now that he could ask questions, she supposed it was time for those conversations.

Harry blinked lazily and then turned his eyes away from her. “Far as I knew, I went to sleep that Tuesday yeh saw me after trainin' and woke up here the next mornin’.”

“Jesus Christ,” Melody muttered. “Harry I could tell you I’m sorry a billion times over but I—”

“I don’ wanna talk about that. Let’s just say I forgave yeh, okay? Since Sean told me yeh basically moved in here.”

“Wait, did he know you were talking?”

“Yeah.”

“That dick.”

Harry chuckled, that deep rumble in his chest, and Melody thought she might cry again, so she worked herself through deep breaths.

“Yeh didn’ answer my question,” Harry said, perhaps to distract her. He didn’t want any more of the crying. He’d seen enough tears in the past couple of weeks, even if she tried to hide them, to blink them back. “Yeh’ve been workin’ out?”

“Yes,” Melody answered with a thin smile. “I can’t really see the difference.”

“There’s a difference,” Harry assured her. “Yeh look good.”

Melody felt herself blush like she was back in high school, like she hadn’t been in a relationship with Harry, like he hadn’t seen her completely naked on countless occasions. She pressed her fingers back to her heated cheeks. She wished that she could say the same about him, but Harry had grown thinner, paler. And even months of uninterrupted sleep couldn’t help how tired he looked. The skin around his eyes was sunken and bruised.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “You keep complimenting me.”

Harry chewed at his lower lip. He didn’t tell her that it was because he felt bad for her, like he’d put her through the ringer. She wouldn’t appreciate his pity. In fact, it didn’t even make sense in his own mind. He was the one who’d been shot in the head. By someone he shared blood with, at that. He’d missed five months of his own life and of hers. But he kept thinking about if the roles had been reversed, if Melody had been the one in this bed, if he was the one sitting there waiting for her to wake up. It didn’t matter what kind of arguments they'd had, the idea was still painful. And he didn’t want that thought running through his head. So he was trying to alleviate some of the trouble she’d probably been going through, to sop up some of the pain and fear that seemed to have spilled.

“Can yeh show me your workouts, then? What is it? Hot yoga?”

“Shut up,” Melody laughed.

“No, ‘m serious. I’d love to see that. Probably have to strip down to just your—”

“Harry, shut up!” she shouted, leaning forward to clap a hand over his mouth. It was amazing to her, how quickly they could just fall back into step. Five months of worrying whether she’d ever get the chance to fix things between them, and it all seemed like a thing of the past in a single day.

“Yeh know,” Harry said as she peeled her hand away, “just started talkin’ to yeh today and yeh’re already tellin’ me to shut up. Tha’s not a good sign.”

“Yeah, well maybe if you weren’t trying to be cheeky.”

Harry let his eyes fall closed as Melody’s fingers brushed back hair from his forehead. Her touch was gentle and he felt her skim the shell of his ear, the side of his head where his hair was shorter than the rest, where they’d shaved it down to the scalp five months earlier so Dr. Florin could assess the damage the bullet had caused and try to patch it up as best she could. He wondered how terrible the scars there looked, if they were hideous or impressive. He hadn’t been able to get himself to look in a mirror.

“Thought yeh liked when I’m cheeky."

“Oh, thank God.” Melody and Harry both turned their heads toward the open door when they heard Vanessa’s voice. “I’ve been blowing up like a balloon about to pop not telling you, Melody.”

“Are you joking?” Melody demanded, sitting back. "Did everyone know? Why are we keeping me out of the loop?”

“Doc thought it’d be better if you didn’t have to watch him struggle with his speech. And that was the skill that she thought he’d recover fastest, so surprise!”

“I hate surprises,” Melody muttered.

“Well, I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” Vanessa continued as though nothing had happened. “It’s that time again, Harry.”

He hummed, not pleasantly, Melody noticed. Vanessa didn’t seem to care whether he was annoyed or not. She went about her business all the same, checking his vitals, asking him innocent questions about how he was feeling. He replied only in grunts and short words.

“You know, Doc also said Melody might be able to take you for a walk out in the garden if you’re feeling up for it today. It’s very nice out.”

Harry perked up almost immediately. His entire demeanor toward Vanessa shifted. It was visible in his face, in the way that his fingers curled at his sides.

“Okay.” She chuckled and finished scribbling stats onto the clipboard she held. “Well, your vitals are good, too. I’ll get a chair and a couple of nurses in here.”

Vanessa didn’t notice as she left the room with a smile of her own, but Melody watched the way that Harry seemed to deflate. He stared blankly across the room, his lips set stonily. He had been out of bed a few times, had even tried standing with assistance, but no one could keep him on his feet for long. She knew how much it frustrated him.

“What’s wrong?” she asked gently. “Did you change your mind?”

“No.” Harry shook his head. Melody waited for him to speak again but he didn’t, and she didn’t press. Everything about this felt eerily familiar.

They waited for the nurses to bring Harry a wheelchair, him patiently and her not so much. She’d wanted to get him outdoors for days, had been begging Dr. Florin. She thought it would do him some good and she was grateful for the opportunity that the nice weather and Harry’s surprisingly good condition had provided. Anything that might lift his mood and make his recovery less dismal.

The nurses arrived. Stocky, broad men. Despite the physical withering that had eaten away at him, Harry still had a good amount of muscle. It just needed to get used to constant movement again. But he wasn’t light and Melody couldn’t move him, no matter how much working out she’d been doing.

The men waited while Melody slid a pair of stretchy hospital pants onto Harry’s limp legs. He didn’t want these strangers touching him. In fact, he didn’t seem to like many of the medical workers very much at all. Not even Dr. Florin. He did like his physical therapist, though—a short but fit man who reminded Melody a lot of Sean in the way he spoke and joked.

Melody waited then while the nurses unhooked Harry from his monitor and scooped him out of the bed, one on each side, arms under his thighs and around his back. They lowered him slowly into the wheelchair that they'd brought, arranging his legs for him, and then they left the room.

Melody watched Harry’s eyes avoid her throughout the entirety of the process. She didn’t mention it. She could only guess how he felt, having to be moved around and carried. She hoped that when he wanted to discuss it, if he wanted to discuss it, she wouldn’t need to pry. Maybe this new dynamic that they were discovering would make opening up easier for him. She hoped for the best.

Melody kicked the chair’s lock out of place and wheeled Harry straight out into the hall without another word.

***

Outside in the garden, it was even nicer than Melody had expected from looking out the window. She and Harry had walked around in circles for almost a half hour before he’d asked her to stop.

“Just wanna sit in the sun,” he’d said.

Now they were just sitting. Melody, actually, was sprawled out on the grass before him, her eyes closed against the light. Harry was watching her, the way her hair shone differently than it did when it was blonde, with an almost pinkish hue. Even her eyebrows were this new shade. He noticed a scar at the edge of her left brow where no hair was growing. He didn’t think he’d ever seen it before, but he wasn’t sure if it was just a glitch in his memory. Everything was so different and strange. He didn’t ask her about the scar. He just let her lay there and relax, even if he couldn’t. Watching her relax calmed him.

“Are you staring at me?” Melody asked. She cracked an eye open, fanning her fingers out over the dewy grass beneath her.

Another wheelchair rolled past them. It was a middle-aged woman pushing a younger child who might’ve been about eight years old. The boy was hooked up to an oxygen tank and he was hairless and pale, and Harry had never wanted to be somewhere else so badly in his entire life.

“When do I get the fuck outta here?” he asked when the boy was out of hearing range.

Melody pushed herself up into a sitting position and tilted her head at him. She took a deep breath. The air smelled sweetly of the flowers that had survived the city’s brutal and dry August. The summer was Melody’s favorite time of the year and she was disappointed that Harry had missed so much of it—all of it, really. It would be seven or eight months until the weather started to warm again, now that fall was beginning to arrive.

“It’s probably gonna be a couple more weeks.” Melody lifted a hand to shield her eyes from the afternoon sunlight. "They just wanna make sure you’re really okay. And I’m sure they’re gonna start working you back on your feet pretty soon, okay?”

“This shit sucks.”

Melody let out a breathy laugh and rose onto her knees in front of him, nodding. “That’s why I thought you’d like being out here.”

Harry glanced around again. He would have liked it a whole lot better if he could have walked himself around the winding paths instead of having Melody pushing him around. It was beautiful, though. All of the bushes were well pruned and the flowers were arranged into bright beds of color. He wanted to be laying in the grass with Melody.

“Are you hungry?” she asked him. “We could go back in and get some food from the cafeteria. It’ll be like a date.”

“A date?” he asked. “In a hospital? Tha’s a bit of a downgrade from an art exhibit, yeah?”

“The food’s better,” she said, and when she leaned forward to kiss him, Harry was caught too off-guard to do anything but sit there. But he felt the familiarity of her lips and smelled her perfume, a scent that he had memorized long ago, and it finally felt like there was something that he could hold onto from before everything that he was missing.

He blinked at her when she rose to her feet. She blinked back and mumbled a quiet “sorry” before rounding his chair to lead him inside. They didn’t talk about the kiss or what it might mean while they ate stir-fry and chocolate cake together, and Melody left with just a quick squeeze of Harry’s hand late that evening.

Chapter 2

[winetae]

:: modern loneliness

⇨ prompt : android!hoseok x reader. 2205 words. drabble with a possible follow-up. it’s been 38 days since you’ve last seen and interacted with a living, breathing person and you’re slowly going insane.

.

[Week 1 of lock down.]

At first, you’re optimistic. 

Working from home comes with its own set of non-negligeable perks. Notably, no more commute time! No more squeezing in between sweaty men on the subway during rush hour just to get home. The new arrangement means that you’re no longer obliged to wake up at the ass crack of dawn to blow-dry your hair or meticulously put on makeup while stuffing a bagel into your mouth because you’re short on time. 

On Day 1 of quarantine, you roll out of bed and don’t even bother to change out of your pajamas. It’s quite the sight. Not that you care whether or not your hair looks like a bird’s nest or if there’s a small hole in your shirt. You’d gladly take your flannel pants and old university sweatshirt with the coffee stain by the collar over the rigid pencil skirt and stupid obligatory heels they force you to wear to the office. Ironing? You don’t know her. 

That’s not to say there aren't any inconveniences but as of now, the pros outweigh the cons. For one, you’re now allowed to add as much sugar into your coffee without susciting your coworkers’ judgement. You can blast angry rap songs while finishing your reports and no one will stop you. The list goes on. 

With all this newfound time on your hands, you have no more valid reasons to procrastinate. You start off by cleaning out the kitchen cabinets you’d been meaning to re-organize for months. Then you rearrange your wardrobe, dust off the top shelves of your bookcase that you usually skip over because no one can see them, and water the potted plants you’d been neglecting. 

It feels great to be so productive. Your friends tell you via FaceConnect that your productivity streak won’t last long, but you’re quick to shake off their doubts. 

“I’m a new me!” You insist when Mia’s laughter echoes around your empty apartment. “My life is back on track. I feel like a proper adult now that I’m not struggling so much to get everything done.”

“Sure,” she humors you. “Just don’t get upset when I tell you I told you so.”

.

[Day 8 of lockdown.]

Now that your apartment is cleaner than it’s ever been, you need to find other means of entertainment. According to the internet, now is the ideal time to learn a new language or acquire a new hobby, like crocheting or playing the guitar. But while it might be technically possible to learn a language, you’re definitely not an overachiever. You’re aware of your own limits. 

Today you try your hand at baking. To some it might not seem like a big deal. But for someone like you who solely uses the kitchen to boil ramyeon packets and chop the occasional vegetable, today’s venture into the world of cooking is the equivalent of a quantum leap. 

The molten lava cakes that come out of the oven 15 minutes later don’t look like the picture advertised in the online recipe. They don’t taste like how you’d expected, either. 

You try not to be too disappointed with your failed attempt. After all, it’s only your first try. Dry cakes aren’t that bad in comparison to the horrors that could have occurred. At least nothing is burnt and your oven is still intact. You’ll try again tomorrow with hopefully a little more success.

.

[Day 16 of lockdown.]

It turns out that baking is not for you. After numerous trials and errors you learn a few days later that you have no vacation to be a baker. You end up abandoning all attempts to acquire a new hobby and instead look for new ways to pass the time. 

Thankfully, your home server is offering free VOD for a limited amount of time, so you’re not short on distractions. You consume around half a dozen cult movies, the kind people always reference and quote without actually watching, before you finally begin crossing TV series off your to-watch list. 

You yawn. It’s 9 PM on a Saturday night and you’ve just finished binging the entire season of Tiger King. It’s the third show you’ve watched from start to finish since quarantine began and now you’re wondering whether you should start a fourth. 

“Well, it’s not like I have anything better to do,” you say before a grimace crosses your face. “Oh great... Now I’m talking to myself.” 

That can’t be a good sign, you think to yourself. How long has it been since you’ve last talked to someone? You used to call your parents every day but when there’s nothing new to report, the conversations become repetitive and dull. 

You should call Mia. Just to see how she’s doing.

.

[Day 24 of lockdown.] 

YOUR WEEKLY BASKET FROM FOODCONNECT HAS ARRIVED. ALL PURCHASES WILL BE ADDED TO YOUR MONTHLY EXPENSES CARD. REMINDER THAT DUE TO THE EXCEPTIONAL CIRCUMSTANCES, CONNECT CARDS ARE ALLOWED A 5000 EXCESS OVER FIXED LIMIT. TOTAL EXCESS HAS NOT YET BEEN REACHED.

.

[Day 38 of lockdown.] 

You’re browsing BH, hoping to restock your vitamins. Lately you’ve been feeling tired and mentally drained, despite your workload not being what it used to be. Why you’re so exhausted is a mystery you’ve yet to solve. In all logic, your energy level should be at an all time high now that you’re working less and spending all your free time lounging on the couch surfing the internet. 

According to the national health guideline, you’re supposed to be exercising an hour a day minimum in order for your body to remain in good condition. Your BODYCONNECT watch monitor beeps every hour to remind you that you haven’t completed the suggested activity. 

Ugh. 

You press the button on the side of the watch to turn the reminder off. It’s the fifth time you’ve had to silence it today but you can’t bring yourself to work up a sweat right this minute. You keep telling yourself that you’ll exercise later but like all things lately, later ends up being never. 

Come to think of it, this isn’t the first time you’ve caught yourself slacking off. Where did all your motivation during week 1 of lockdown go? You don’t even have the strength to do ten jumping jacks anymore; it’s like your bones belong to a person three times your age - feeble and brittle and threatening to break at a moment’s notice. 

LOW ON SEROTONIN? WE’VE GOT YOU COVERED. Flash promo over in 00:32:43! Limited offer while supplies last.

A bright yellow advertisement flashes on the top right corner of your screen. Intrigued, you follow the link without expecting much. The last thing you expect is to be brought directly to BH LAB’s homepage. 

“Um… I don’t think I have the budget for this…” You mutter under your breath and prepare to exit out of the page. 

Androids are usually employed by the government but the ones for sale to the general public are known to be exorbitantly expensive. 

A message reads: EXCLUSIVE 1 HOUR PROMO, 40% OFF YOUR FIRST PURCHASE. Click here for more details. Offer valid for new customers only. 

You pause and decide to click on the link. Looking around won’t hurt anyone, right? It’s not like you’ve decided to buy anything yet. 

The seven Dwellers available for sale are just as good looking as you expected them to be. Their unnaturally good looks and vibrant green eyes are what makes them easy to pick out from the crowd. 

You skim through each Dweller’s description. It seems that apart from the physical differences like their facial features and build, they each have their own specialty and characteristics. One of the best-selling models boasts the cooking ability of a 5-star chef, which you admit sounds very tempting since your skills with a knife are pathetic enough to make Gordon Ramsey cry. 

Another best-selling model specializes in...sex. You blink, your cheeks warming as you read over the model’s description (the “thick, vibrating cock that guarantees an orgasm every time!” comment makes you choke on your saliva). You can understand straight away why this particular model would be so popular. All of the models are pretty, but this one’s face doesn’t look like it’s from this world. Confinement would make anyone horny, and when promised a godly sex bot equipped with a vibrating dick, well…

Too bad you’re too tired these days to even think about having “mind-blowing sex for 5 hours straight.” Having such intense intercourse would probably make you pass out on the Dweller’s artificial cock, and there’s no way in hell you would want someone from CONNECT to intervene after receiving distressed signals from your body monitor. That would just be embarrassing. 

You’re about to exit out of the page, curiosity sated, when the last model catches your eye.

SEROTONIN BOOSTER. Low on energy? Feeling sad or depressed? Need a companion? 

This model is perfect for you! Model JHS is equipped with emotion sensors. They will fulfill your every need even when you’re not able to vocalize them. Stressed? They specialize in massages and are proficient in: Swedish massages, Aromatherapy, Shiatsu massages, Reflexology, among others. 

Personality : This model is energetic. They are very active and therefore requires a minimum 6 hours to recharge. They are extremely tactile and will easily engage in skinship such as hugs or holding hands. They are talkative and will hold passionate conversations with you about almost any subject. 

Likes : cleaning, working out

Dislikes : horror movies, strong smells

When reading the description, it feels they’re talking about a person rather than an android. You’re surprised to see that the Dwellers are programmed to have a certain personality that caters to specific needs because the only androids you’ve ever come across before are the government ones, and they’ve always been stoic and devoid of any distinguishing characteristic. 

It would be nice, you think, to have a companion. Someone you could talk to for real instead of through a pixelated hologram. As much as you enjoy your time alone, each passing day locked in your apartment makes you realize how much you long for a hug. You miss holding someone in your arms, feeling their heartbeat against your cheek and the rise and fall of their chest as they squeeze you back. 

Model JHS looks like he could fill that vacancy. Their smile is blinding, like they’re physically radiating sunshine through their expression alone. You don’t doubt their capacity to bring positive energy into your life. 

Before you can think twice about it you’re adding the model to your shopping cart. The site asks you if you want to pay more in order to customize them. For an additional fee, you’re able to tweak the Dweller’s personality or modify their physical attributes to your liking. You skip over the option. For one, you don’t have the funds to afford a vibrating dick enhancement and two, you’re more than satisfied with your Dweller as they are.

It’s not until you finish supplying all your information including your Connect Card details and shipping address that you realize what a monumental purchase you’re about to make and how empty your account will be by the end of it.

You stare at the price listed at the bottom of the screen and weigh your options. Even with the 40% reduction, it’s not a negligible sum. You could buy several models of the new Birkin bag you’d been saving up for with this money. 

Why purchase designer bags when you can’t even go out and use them? a voice argues. And - uh. Fair point. 

In any case, you’d have to stop shopping, eating out all the time and going on frivolous trips overseas. Not that you really have a choice, given the circumstances. 

You look at the laptop screen again. Are you seriously so touch-deprived that you’re willing to fork over that much money for a live-at-home android? Really? 

Fuck it. 

You click on [VALIDATE PAYMENT] before rationality has time to kick in and you change your mind again. Just as the screen changes and the new page loads, you feel your heart leap to your throat but it’s too late to back out now. 

PROCESSING ORDER …

...

CONGRATULATIONS! 

YOU HAVE SUCCESSFULLY ORDERED (1) DWELLER - JHS MODEL. WE THANK YOU FOR YOUR PURCHASE. 

(!) Your order is eligible for Instant Shipping (delivered to your door in 24 hours or less). 

(!!) Due to exception circumstances, your order might encounter delays. We are taking multiple steps to ensure the safety and hygiene of all products and shipments. For more information click here.

(!) All BH products are covered by a limited two-year warranty. Please refer to warranty details regarding your product in the Dweller E-HandBook, free for download here. Please register your product after purchase in order to qualify for future claims, returns, and support.

You expel the breath you’d been holding. Your father will throw a fit once he finds out you’ve blown all your money on a bot. The criticism is warranted.

What are you even supposed to say to defend yourself? You’ve bought a  Dweller on a whim while browsing for Vitamin C supplements.

Quarantine is really making you lose your goddamn mind, huh.

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

Royal Growing Pains - Chapter Ten

Warnings: Homophobia, transphobia, misgendering, sympathetic Deceit

Royal Growing Pains Tag

“So, have you two decided on what you might want served at the wedding?” Patton asked.

“Uh...” Roman looked over at Damien only to find him turning red as he ate. “Not yet, Patton, sorry.”

“Oh, it’s no worries, I know the both of you were hesitant about this whole thing, and after all, the food doesn’t get made until the day of, save for the cake depending on difficulty, and you already have so much to plan. I don’t hold it against you,” Patton said cheerily.

“You’re awfully forgiving,” Roman laughed. “I gave my mother some half-baked ideas about what I might like because she refused to stop pestering me, and she said that I ‘couldn’t put this off forever’ in that patronizing voice I absolutely hate.”

Damien hummed his disapproval. “I don’t like your mother,” he said. “Especially after last night when she tried to convince me that you were pretending to be transgender for a prank. And that whole ‘treat you like the princess you are’ thing? I thought I might throw up. It was actually and truly disgusting.”

“Glad I’m not the only one who feels that way,” Roman said. “It reminds me that everyone looking at me by first glance will see a princess, not a prince. I am well and truly a prisoner of my own body, and my mind can’t be set free.”

“Well, the least we can do is spruce up those prison walls, hm?” Damien asked. “Make your body match your mind a little more. It may not be perfect, but it is a start.”

Roman sighed and propped his head up with one of his hands, even as he used the other to continue dipping his grilled cheese in ketchup. “It feels like it’s going to be an age before that happens.”

“I know it does,” Damien said, placing a hand on Roman’s shoulder. “But hopefully you can find things to pass the time when I am not around and your mother doesn’t require you. I’m assuming you got your phone back?”

“Yeah,” Roman said, sighing. “But if I get caught talking to any of my friends, I’m dead.”

“Would the same be true if you talked to your brother?” Damien asked. “Because the way you talk about him, you might be able to call.”

“He’ll be in meetings all the time, I won’t be able to call,” Roman sighed. “But I just might be able to text.”

“I would advise you to text him whenever you need and can get away with it,” Damien said. “Someone to help affirm your identity is always a good thing, and I can’t be around all the time, much as I would like to be.”

Roman sighed. “I know,” he said, pulling out his phone and playing with it. “I don’t know how much time we’ll have to text each other, but I can try and talk to him when I can.”

“Why don’t you send him a quick text now, letting him know that you want to text when you can?” Damien proposed. “Open the line of communication when you know you can.”

Roman nodded and unlocked his phone. “Yeah, I’ll shoot him a line.”

Figuring out what to type wasn’t easy. Their parents couldn’t monitor their texts because Roman and Remus never went anywhere without their phones, but how did Roman sum up what was going on here? hey loser, guess who? mom gave me back my phone, and i want to talk to you when i can, you up for that? He sent the text and stared at the screen a few seconds hopefully, before turning off his phone with a sigh. “He probably won’t see that for another hour at least.”

“But at least he’ll see it,” Damien said, rubbing Roman’s shoulder.

“Yeah, it’s a real good thing the two of you get to talk!” Patton said. “Even if you have to be careful with what you say, talking is always good.”

Roman’s phone chirped with a text alert and he opened his phone at lightning speed, laughing when he saw what Remus had responded with. oh thank god you’re alive! i was really starting to worry, ro. i let our friends know that you were going off the grid for a bit so you don’t have to worry about them worrying. pls talk to me about what’s going on. and...pls tell me that you’re not mad. i’m super super sorry

Roman smiled and typed back, i’m currently with future husband and we’re having lunch. everything is such a long story, i don’t know where to start. but don’t worry, i would never ever EVER be mad at you for an accident

“I take it he’s doing well?” Damien asked.

“He hasn’t said he’s dying, so that’s promising,” Roman said drily. “Currently he’s apologizing for accidentally outing me.”

“Oh, is that what happened?” Patton asked. “I thought you might have told your folks yourself and they just took it poorly.”

“Well, Remus called me ‘Roman’ in front of them and I had to explain, so it was a combination of both,” Roman said. “Regardless, my parents didn’t take it well.”

Patton scowled. “I don’t like them,” he declared.

“I don’t know anyone who does,” Damien said with a wry smile. He checked his own phone and sighed. “Father will want me to be at the meeting within the next ten minutes, I’m afraid I have to go.”

Roman felt his stomach sink. “You’re sure?”

“Yes, if I’m not there Father will send Virgil after me, and no one wants that,” Damien said, pulling a face. “But at least we placed everyone in the wedding, so you don’t have to do that on your own. I imagine you’ll be wrapped into looking at flowers, or ribbons, or some other decoration around the chapel that really doesn’t matter to either of us but everyone else insists is important.”

“Well, we’re both men, and men stereotypically don’t care about this sort of thing,” Roman said with a shrug. “I will try and see if we can get good colors for everything based on the chapel’s walls, though.”

“Well, keep in mind that the walls are a pale, cool blue. Almost slate colored,” Damien said. “If you need to see it in person someone can show you.”

“Okay,” Roman said reluctantly. “Find me whenever the meetings are done?”

Damien looked pained. “My dear, these meetings typically go until dinner.”

“On the off chance you finish early, please,” Roman almost begged, grabbing Damien’s hand as he stood up. “I don’t want to feel so alone.”

Damien nodded. “I will do my best, Roman.”

Roman nodded and let him go. Patton sighed from across the table and said, “Everything’s been really rough, hasn’t it?”

A groan was Roman’s only answer.

“Do you want me to hide you away for a bit so you can talk to your brother more?” Patton offered.

“Much as I appreciate it, Patton, that would probably just land me in more trouble,” Roman sighed. “I’ll respond to his texts when I can, and he’ll do the same for me.”

As if on cue, Roman’s phone chirped again. fh treating you right? i’ll kill him if he makes you cry

Roman smiled. fh is nothing but a perfect gentleman, re. relax

Patton put his hand over one of Roman’s. “If you ever need anything, at all, don’t hesitate to ask, all right?” Patton said. “I’ll be more than happy to help.”

“I know. Thank you,” Roman said, standing up and leaving the kitchen with a sigh, heading back to the room where his mother and the Queen were.

“Oh, Veronica, I was just about to go looking for you!” his mother said brightly. “We need to talk about decorations.”

Roman was torn between cringing and laughing. “What specifically about decorations do we need to discuss?”

“Well, there’s the flower arrangement for the bouquet, and then we should look at the chapel itself and see what else is necessary. Rose says that the walls are somewhat plain, and I think it would be nice if we could cover them with something special for the occasion.”

Roman blew some of his hair out of his face and sighed. “Well, I could always paint a thing or two to pin on the walls for the wedding,” he offered, voice somewhat lackluster. “But the chapel is pretty big, if we can invite all these people. I doubt I could cover every instance of wall between or under windows with paintings.”

“Don’t worry, we won’t ask that of you,” the Queen laughed. “I was hoping to use flowers to cover the walls. And warn people ahead of time that if they have allergies, they might want to use antihistamines in advance.”

Roman wracked his brain for what he remembered about flowers from talking to the gardeners. “I like the thought of daffodils,” he offered. If he remembered correctly, daffodils symbolized change, and hope. He thought that definitely applied, and his mother would never be the wiser about the meaning.

“Convenient, considering the crest of our kingdom is dark grey and golden yellow,” the Queen said with a smile. “Why don’t we pick out some red flowers to represent your family’s crest, and then work from there?”

“Peonies are also around this time of year, aren’t they?” Roman’s mother asked. “They’re fairly popular for weddings.”

“All right, daffodils and peonies will be on the walls, and in the bouquet, if you like that, Veronica?” the Queen asked.

“Yeah, that works,” Roman said, sitting down with a sigh.

“I have a proposal for flowers that we can decorate the pews with,” the Queen said.

“Hm?” Roman hummed.

“Hydrangeas,” the Queen said with a smile. “Blue, pink, and white. All soft colors, and I think they would be perfect.”

Roman inwardly perked up at that. The trans pride colors, he thought with a smile. That’s considerate. “I do like that idea,” he said with a small smile.

His mother was about to say something but her phone rang and she sighed. “Excuse me, this would be my husband,” she said, stepping out of the room and closing the door behind her, but not before Roman heard his mom snap, “I was just talking to Veronica, what do you want?!”

Roman winced and the Queen sighed. “I am truly sorry for your mother’s behavior and the toll it’s taking on you, Roman,” she murmured. “You shouldn’t have to be put through this.”

Roman offered her a weak smile. “Well, out of all the guys I could be married to, Damien isn’t half bad.”

The Queen laughed. “He’s a handful, however. You will of course have help around the castle if he gets too out of hand, but he is a lot to take in.”

“I know,” Roman said. “The more he loosens up the more...intense he seems to be. That paint fight we had...the whole experience was made that much more enjoyable, and tiring, because it was Damien who I was fighting against.”

“I suppose intense is a good word for him,” the Queen said. “He can only look and act like the perfect gentleman for so long before he has to be human again. And he likes to make the most of when he’s allowed to just be human.”

Roman nodded and his phone pinged. He jumped. “Sorry, that’s probably Remus,” he said, pulling out his phone. “Do you mind if I answer him?”

“Go ahead,” the Queen said. “Before your mother comes in and can interrogate you on who you’re talking to.”

define perfect gentleman was the only thing in the text.

Roman stifled giggles as he typed, we got in a paint fight and he took all the blame, just because he knew i would get hell from mom. he’s fine, re

His phone pinged again within seconds. i’ll believe that when i see it. dad’s starting the meeting, gotta go. love you lots, brother, don’t ever forget <3

i won’t <3 Roman promised, putting his phone down and locking it.

“Anything interesting?” the Queen asked.

“He was asking about Damien, and if I’m being treated all right, here,” Roman said. “Which of course I responded that Damien’s been wonderful and that I’m as fine as I can be.”

The Queen offered Roman a sad smile just as his mother walked back in the room. “Sorry, my husband wanted a quick update before he started his next meeting,” his mother said. “I told him everything was fine. I hope that’s still the case?”

“We were just talking about Remus, because Her Majesty wanted to hear more about him,” Roman said, nodding to the Queen. “Nothing scandalous went down while you were gone, Mother.”

“I don’t know of anything that could be scandalous and occur in two minutes,” the Queen laughed. She stood. “Some of the women in the family were hoping to meet you, Veronica, if that’s all right with you? They will probably keep you for most of the afternoon one way or another, I’m afraid.”

“Would I be allowed a sketchbook and pencils?” Roman asked. “In case I want to draw during any lulls in conversation?”

“Of course,” the Queen said. “I do believe you have those supplies in your room?”

Roman nodded.

“Then go on and grab them, dear, and we’ll see you in the main day room. You spoke to myself and my husband there yesterday after lunch.”

“Oh, yeah, I know where that is,” Roman said.

“You spoke after lunch?” his mother asked suspiciously.

“Just apologizing for having to run out. I’m afraid my nerves made me rather sick,” Roman lied.

His mother nodded, but continued to scrutinize him. The Queen cleared her throat. “Come on, Diana, they’re all very eager to talk to you as well.”

With a barely audible sigh, his mother followed the Queen out of the room. Roman walked down the halls away from them, back to his room. He knew that he couldn’t get out of the bulk of this socializing, but he was going to try and drag it out as long as possible.

His thoughts went out to Remus. When he texted, he seemed impossibly nervous, and he seemed scared that Roman would be mad at him, if Roman read the text correctly. Which, of course Roman had been mad at first. When he had been confined to his room for several days as this wedding plan came into play, he was downright furious. Only able to sneak quick messages on his computer to his friends before his parents would come in and check on him, or have guards checking in, to make sure he wasn’t talking with those friends. Eventually not even having that, as his parents confiscated his laptop and phone. Having books to read, and sketches to finish, but nothing else to do while he waited for his meals. He cursed Remus repeatedly in his head for that, throughout all those days.

But eventually, the cursing became less from anger at being outed, and more at the general loneliness that Roman was plagued with from virtually no human contact from the outside world, whatsoever. And by the end, when Roman’s mother dragged him out of the house before the break of dawn yesterday, he missed Remus, and wasn’t angry at him whatsoever anymore. Accidents happened. It wasn’t Remus’ fault that their parents had reacted the way they had. That was entirely on his parents. No one else.

He walked past the mudroom that lead to the back of the castle. Roman briefly entertained the idea of throwing his mother off the cliff, but he would most likely be caught, and his father would have him charged with treason, being a child of his or not. So that was a bust. He instead continued to walk up the stairs, and down the hall to his guest room. Once he was inside, he took a brief moment to take a deep breath, and let the soul-crushing depression and anxiety settle over him. Then he lifted his head, took another breath, and forced that aside. This was just a role he had to play for a week. A week of theatre. He wasn’t going to be Veronica, he never was Veronica in the first place. He was Roman Augustus Ayer, and he would not be stopped.

A quick search of his suitcase and he located his sketchbook and pencils and left the room. He wasn’t in a hurry to get to the day room, but he was aware that he couldn’t drag his feet without his mother making a snide remark about timeliness, so he walked with his head up, his shoulders squared, and his face set with determination. He could do this. He was more than capable of doing this.

He could hear the women laughing and talking from here, and his footsteps slowed. He didn’t want them to know he was there, not just yet. He couldn’t make out their conversation, but he wasn’t trying to eavesdrop. He took a couple more steadying breaths, in and out, in and out. He could do this, he could do this. It would hurt like hell but he could do this. He was more than capable of playing a role for a week around a scrutinizing audience.

Rolling his head on his shoulders, he took one last steadying breath, and muttered, “Showtime,” under his breath. He plastered a fake polite smile on his face, and took the final steps he needed to get to the day room. “Hi, everyone, sorry for being a little behind!” he chirped.

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[arthurflecksgirl]

Arthur Fleck fanfiction “Reflections” part 1-3

Some sweet, soft Arthur Fleck fanfiction.

I hope you enjoy it :)

...

Reflections

Cold floor, shaking hands and soaked clothes. I’m not sure what got me here. I’m lying on the ground in a city that feels awkwardly strange to me. Loud and dusty. Strangers are passing me by without taking notice. I try to stand up. Look around, rubbing my eyes. The headlights hurt my eyes. All those skyscrapers make the sky seem so tiney, like its getting smaller and tighter everytime I Iook up. There is a lack of space. A lack of warmth. I’m freezing as I stay up, trying to remember how I got here. Nothing. I feel like a sleepwalker as I cross a road named Anderson avenue. I just wanna get away from the crowds. All those strangers who don’t even look at me. Am I even there? Am I hallucinating? A long, grey stair appears in front of me and it feels real as I get up. Cuz I feel the burning pain in my bones. Step for step. I’m heavy breathing as I make it to the top. All I can think of is to find a place to rest. An open door, so I can hide from the cold.

I got lucky. The postman just left an door open and I find myself in an kinda wrecked building. You can hear people arguing behind closed doors and it smells like the windows heaven’t been open for weeks.

I’m not sure what I hope to find but a place to spent the night would be helpful since I lost my memory. There is an elevator. Maybe I could hide in it. I enter it and decide to go up. More people fighting and funny smells. I bet most people here wish to live somewhere else. This place drains the life out of you. But I’m too tired to care. I just wanna take a nap and tomorrow I will find out how I’d gotten here.

And there is it. Right in front of me. An open door. No noises. Maybe no one’s home? But why’s the door open?

“Hello? Excuse me, is someome home? You left your door open“ . No one is answering. So I take a slow step through the door into a cosy apartment. It looks like it has been stuck in the 80ies. The furniture looks used but nice. Someone left the light on. I lie down at the beige couch. Surely the people who live here will be back soon. The old,woody furniture ,the pictures on the walls and the TV tells me it must be an old lady living here. So I will tell her the truth and hope she lets me rest for the night.

I grab myself a pillow. Looks like someone sleeps on the couch. The pillow smells nice. A mixture of Prell shampoo, cocoanut, cigarettes and a bit of sweat. Not like an old lady at all. What if this couch belongs to someone else? I drift away in daydreams. Not really asleep, not fully awake. Suddenly I feel like I have been here before. Like I have slept here before. The comfort of the blankets. The scent of them. It feels familiar. My eyes are closing. Finally.

“Who are you? What are you doing here?“ Am I still asleep? “Hello? Can you hear me?“ The voice of a man wakes me from the strangest dream. “Ms.?“ His voice sounds soft. Shy even. I open my eyes. The beauty I see is running through my veins. The most intense eyes I have ever seen are piercing me with curiousity. Green, with tiney sparkles of deep blue. I linger on them, then notice a unique formed nose which leads to a beautiful scar on his thin lips. I cannot take my eyes off it. It makes him look a bit unpredictable. Wild. Sexy. He looks confused. “Ms.? Wat are you doing at my apartment?“ Now I remember. I overslept at a strangers home. The one living here must be him. That scent. I look at him, unable to reply something. His appearance overwhelms me. He’s obviously nerveous. His hands in his neck long, brown, greasy hair. Which gives him an kinda innocent contrast to his slightly dangerous expression. “I..I’m sorry. I have to leave“ I hasitate as I stay up so fast I get dizzy. “I woke up in the streets and didnt knew where I was or how did I got here. I just wanted to close my eyes for a sec and the door was open. And…“ my heart rages. Will he get angry? Call the police? “Sir, I am so sorry I …“ “ Shhh“ he says “Don’t be. Its okay. I belive you. Sometimes I dont know where to go,too. Sit down and relax. I’ll get some coffee.“ I cannot belive my eyes as he goes to the kitchen and comes back with two cups that say “Live at the Murray Franklin show“. Isnt that show from the 80ies,too? “Here is your coffee. Now tell me how you think you got here. I’m Arthur Fleck.“

Arthur Fleck. What a name. There is something about the sound of it. I cannot even tell what it is. He takes a sip of his coffee. Just one sip before putting a cigarette between his lips. “Want one?“ he asks. “No thanks, I dont smoke“.

I notice a whole bunch of medication on the table. It has his name on it. For a second I am worried he caughts me staring at it but he is about to turn on the tv. “Do you like the Murray Franklin show?“ he asks while taking an old VHR out of the piled up casettes and pushes it into the player. “I have never seen it“ “You never watched the Murray Franklin show?“ he sounds kinda disappointed. “Well, I barely know shows from the 80ies“ “ What do you mean?“ This gets more and more confusing. Eveything here feels like I have been thrown back into a time I wasnt even born. Am I still asleep on the couch?

I’m unsure of whats real anymore. All I can focus on is this stanger that sits down beside me. I can smell his brown sweater, the same scent that lulled me to sleep when I crawled up under that blankets.

“You gotta watch it with me. It’s so good“ he says focusing on a grey haired man in his late 60ies on the monitor. I still focus on his hair, which slightly curles up behind his neck. I caught myself thinking about touching it. But I don’t dare to move. “Thats Murray himself“ he says “I look up to him, you know? He’s a great guy“ His voice brings me back from my fantasy. I turn my head to the tv. “Oh so thats what it says on your mug? You must be a huge fan then?“ “ I am“ he nodds. “Its my life long dream to be on the show. I do stand up comedy.“

He smiles at the man on the monitor like he knows him. Like he means something to him. It seems like he is lost in his thoughts while watching Murray making jokes. I bet he doesnt even notice the way I continue staring at him. Everytime Murray makes a joke he smiles in such a soft way it almost hurts me inside. There is something so fragile about his smile. Something sad. Lonely even. I wanna ask him if he lives alone here. Still wondering why the apartment looks like an old ladys home. “Do you live alone? “ “No “ he replies “I actually live with my m-mother.She’s at the hospital right now. She’s very sick. I take care of her as good as I can“ “Oh I see.I hope she will feel better soon“. His smile is gone. I feel guilty, regretting my question about him living alone. Now he looks even sadder than before. I would love to give him a hug. He looks like someone who heaven’t been hugged in a long time. Someone who lacks love. Everything about him is fragile. The way he moves, the way his clothes look way too baggy on his tiney body. He doesn’t talk much. But his body language is undeniable.

"Do.do you want something to eat?" he asks. "You must be hungry." I smile at him "Yeah, well, that would be really nice". He gets in the kitchen which is just right beside the living room and  opens the fridge. I caught myself staring at him again, I feel kinda bad about it but i just cant help it. There is something so hyptotizing about the way he moves So graceful, even though his way of walking looks sad and lonely. Even here in his own apartment, he seems like he doesnt belong here. Like we`re both strangers and just got here. He still stares into the fridge like he is waiting for something. I`m not sure but I could swear his eyes are about to tear up for a second. Maybe his fridge is empty and he is embarressed about it. He looks like heasn`t eaten proberly for a long time.

"Um.. well....I`m so, so sorry...what was your name again? he mumbles.

My name. I panik for a second. I dont even remember my name.

"I don`t remember. I dont know what happenend to me or how I got here. What kinda city is this anyway?"

I feel tears coming up. Afraid of what is happening to me.

He hesitates and comes back with a bowl of oat meal, handing me a spoon.

"I`don`t have much to eat here right now since my mum`s at the hospital. I don`t eat much. I`m so sorry, I..."

I take the bowl in my hands "Its okay, don`t be sorry. I just worry about you. I mean, you gotta eat,too."

"Yeah... well I try but mostly I feel sick because of my..." he looks at the piled up medication on the table and swallows hard. "Its okay, you dont have to talk about it"

Now he looks at me. He can see the almost dried tear running down my cheek "Oh no, don`t cry. It must be horrible to lose your memory but I will take care of you till you know where you live and who you are. I promise". Now he smiles. So soft. Childlike even. Nothing dangerous about him anymore.

Its funny that he says he is going to take care of me. Cuz when I loo at him all I wanna do is look after him. He needs someone. The guy doest even have soething to eat at home.

I`m starting to eat the oat meal "You`re so nice, I dont know what to say"

"We`ll get something to eat soon. I`m gonna get paid tomorrow.

"Oh right, you said you do stand up comedy?"

"I do. But till i`m ready for the big clubs I make my money as a party clown"

I let that sink in.

A party clown. I try to imagin him in Clown clothes. A painted on smile. A wig. Its almost impossible to me to picture him being a clown.

"Look" he grabs my hand. My heart jumps in my chest. The touch of his hand as unexpected. His Touch is strong but gentle as he brings me to a make up table "Thats where I put my make up on. usually I get ready for work at Ha Ha`s. They got even bigger mirrors and all but sometimes I put it on at home,too. Most of the things are my mums stuff but she doesnt use it anymore."

A green,curly wig is lying on the floor. "Oh I see you noticed my wig. Thats my hair, you know when I`m Carnival. Thats my clown name at work." He lets go of my hand now. It feels bad. I want him to hold it longer. He brushes his hair back with his fingers now.

"Since you don`t know your real name anymore, we should give you one" he`s touching the make up on the table like he has never seen it before.

"You can name me whatever you want"

Did I said that out loud? I cant help but thinking this sounded strange. But he doesnt seem to notice how awkward it sounded to me.

"We should call yo kitten" he nods "I dont know why but I like that name and it suits you"

I can feel my blood rushing to my hear. "Youre making me blush"

He smiles only for a second but I noticed.

"Its a good name" he says.

For a minute we`re just standing there looking at each other.

I´m not sure what to do. I never felt this way before.

"I can could get my clown make up on at home tomorrow morning before I go to work. so you can see it"

"That would be great"

"I will, you can watch me while I put it on. Sometimes its fun, you know? I mean I love my job. Making the kids smile.I wanna bring joy to everyone. But its difficult with adults. I guess they don`t think i´m very funny" he lets go of the make up box he was holding. "

"I`m sure you are very funny, Arthur" I say. Not sure if i belive in my own words. Still I cant imagin him being a clown that cheers you up. He seems way too lost inside of his own kinda sadness to be a party clown.All I want is to take that sadness away. I am actualy more worried about him as i am about my own condition.

The thought of spending another night here makes me all fuzzy. More nights even. I wonder if he will sleep in the other room. Of course he will. How can I even think of something else. What are my thoughts doing? I can`t stop thinking about how it would be to sleep right next to him. To watch him sleep. His sad face, his sad beautiful face. I would wait till he is fully asleep and get so close to him i could smell his hair. I would crawl under his blanket so carefully,he wouldnt wake up from it and lay my arm around him, so I could feel him breathe. Touch his fragile, tiney shoulders with my shaking fingers and get my lips so close to his, I could almost feel his scar.

"C`mon" his voice woke me from my daydreams.

"I`ll get you something to eat, I feel lke I treat you bad as my guest"

He gets his keys  as I stand up. "We could get some Donuts. There is a pretty good Donut shop, I went there from time to time. Gives me space to think."

I love the idea of going out with him, so I nod and find myself out on the street a minute later. The same street I woke up in. Noisy and dirty. You can tell its a bad neighborhood. The kind of place you wouldnt dare to walk along as soon as it has gotten dark. I check my pockets for anything. There is nothing in it. Where is my purse? My ID? So I could find out who I am. Kitten. I`,m Kitten now. Which should alarm me but somehow I feel save around him, even though he is a total stranger to me. He doesnt feel like one. He feels like the warm center of a cold city. An anchor to hold on to, yet so fragile himself.

He does a little dance move as we arrive at the Donut shop. They are playing Frank Sinatra and he seems to enjoy it very much. He chooses the last table in the corner. Blue lights are shining from the windows. There is only one more old men sitting on the other side of the room. Its nice but it kinda looks like a place for the forgotten. The girl who is working there comes up to our table, she keeps looking down "Have you descited on your order yet?"

We order some Donuts and coffee. he keeps moving his shoulders to the music playing. "You`re a fan of Sinatra" I ask. "Yeah, he`s great. Musc was always a huge part of my life. I dance from time to time but, oh well, no, thats embarrassing"

"No its not. i would like to see it some day"

"Oh i don`t think i can do that in front of people" he coveres his face behind his hands. "I just do it when I´m home alone or my mum is asleep. I dont even know why I tell you about it. Its really embarrassing. Trust me, it is"

He keeps on surprising me. The party clown job, the dances,... he`s gotta have a different side you wouldnt expect. I get more and more curious about him, his life. I wanna be a part of it. For a second I didnt even care about what my life usd to be anymore. t feels like I was brought here for a reason. That it wasnt just an accident to lose my memory. Maybe we were ment to met.

"Are you thinking about how I look while dancing?" he asks.

I can`t help but laugh "No. No I just...nevermind"

"Of course not. Why would you even think about that. i´m sorry". He looks down at his coffee playing with the spoon. "No, thats not what i meant. Of course I would think about you dancing... I mean you´re really..." I stop. i was about to say that he is sexy.

He looks up. Looks me right in the eyes. My got, his eyes hit me like a wave of emotions.

He isnt smilin just staring at me, deeply as I hold my breath. Neighter of us is saying a word. its the kind of silence you can feel with your whole body. Just like I can feel his presence with my whole body.

I need to break the silence.

"So you come here often"

"Sometimes. But its much better to have someone by my side. Like now. Usually i come here alone" he sips on his coffe and lights a cigarette. He didn`t even touched his Donuts yet. "Well, always to be honest".

i nod. Kinda worried to say something wrong. "Thats a shame. You shouldnt be alone all the time". I wonder if I had friends back when I still knew who I was. Did I have a social life or was I just as lonely as Arthur? Maybe we have much more in common as I think. Maybe I was sitting alone in sad Coffee shops,too.

"yeah, well, everytime I try to make people smile they just won`t. People tend to avoid me a lot. Sometimes when I lie in bed at night" he leans over to me, whispering "I wonder if I even really exist". His face just got darker within a second. "Like I´m not really a person , you know? Arthur Fleck is just an idea someone made up in his mind. And I am the ghost of this illusion."

I feel my body tense up a little. You can tell he isnt kidding.

His face gets back to how it was before. Shy and tired. Tired of life.

"I`m sorry. You must think there is something wrong with me. I dont want to scare you. Thats what I always do. I always screw things up."

"No you don`t. I mean, thats like a really interesting thought actually. Questioning your very own existence. Its clever if you ask me". The hint of a smile is crossing his lips "You think so? My social worker doesn`t. At least I can`t imagin she does think its clever. She won`t pay attention to me anyway. Its ironic isnt it? I tell her I doubt if I even exist and she ignores me" he blows the smoke out of his mouth, shaking his head.

"Sounds like your social worker isn' t very good in her job"

"She isn`t. I go there to get my medication and I talk to her anyway. I dont want my mother to worry about me, so I cannot talk about my feelings when she is around. "

"You can talk to me" I say. " Thats so nice of you. You`re the first person who is that nice to me. I don`t know what to say."

"Life has treated you badly, Arthur, right?" he stares at his untouched Donut without saying anything. I touch his hand, which is lying on the table. I put my hand on his. Not saying a word. And i am sure his eyes are watering a bit while I stroke his arm.

"You look tired Arthur,do you want to go home?"

"Yeah" his little voice.

I call the waitress. A young girl with hair as red as a flame.

"Thats 14 Dollars please"

Arthur pulls out his worn out purse and gets nerveous. His hands start to shake a little.

I feel bad for him. I realize he couldnt afford this.He pulls out six Dollars, coughing.

The girl`s starting to look annoyed "Eight more Dollars please,sir" she says.

Now he starts searching in his pockets. Pants. Jacket. Nothing. Only more cigarettes and  a card, but I can`t tell whats written on it.

"Sir?"

And all of the sudden Arthur starts to press his hands against his mouth. Hard. And he starts laughing. A laugh i never heard before. I`ve never seen before. Agressive and uncontrollable. His lips hidden behind his hands, coughing. I start to realize there is pain in his eyes. he actually looks like he is crying so hard it hurts his insides.

The waitress looks even more annoyed. I ´m alost sure I can hear her say "Not again" as she takes a deep breath.

Arthur seems to try to stop laughing, shaking his head. But he can`t. he`s gasping for air.

"Arthur! Are you okay?" I ask " Can i do something for you?" he`s shaking his head, tears in his eyes, heavy breathing as he hands me his card.

"Forgive my laughter. i have a condition. More on back."

I flip the card around.

"Its a medical condition, causing sudden, frequent and uncontrollable laughter that doesnt match how you feel. It can happen in people with a brain injury or certain neurological conditions. Thank you! Kindly return the card."

Before I even have a chance to give him the card back, the waitress takes it out of my hand. Reading it. "What is this shit. Are you serious? Is this how u try to get away without paying?" Arthur still gasping for air.

Now she hands me the card " Will you please pay the rest?"

"I:m sorry. i lost my purse and..."

"Of course you did. Look. Grab your weirdo by the hand and get the hell out of here. You can come back and pay the rest tomorrow. Now please go."

I hesitate, grabbing his Donuts. " Can`t you read? He has a condition."

"He`s obviously got a lot of problems" the red haired girl turns away " Having some lunatic here on the table, talking to himself for hours every week  isnt what we ask for."

I can feel the anger raising in my guts. But I´ll try to calm down. I dont want to cause him any more discussion. " C´mon Arthur, we`re going to your place now".

His laughing seems to slowly stop as he puts the card back in his pocket.

We don`t talk as we walk back into his apartment. We`re just holding hands, which says enough for now.

Some minutes later I find myself on the couch again. Arthur s in the kitchen crashing some meds, putting them into a bowl of oath meal, heading back to me on the couch.

"Did I scare you away?"

"No, why would you think that?"

"i dont know" he`s eating half of the bowl, puts the rest away.

"Does it happen a lot?"

"Kinda. Mostly when I feel very uncomfortable in social situations. I know it scares people a lot. But I...i can`t do anything about it. I just dont want you to be scared of me"

"I´m not, Arthur. Don´t worry about that. I couldn never e scared of you. I know that we just met but...I really like you a lot. I feel save around you."

"You feel save around me?" he doesnt belive me. "Why?"

"I pull on his jacket, which he is still wearing, so he can take it off.

"I just do"

"Kitten, I feel like I can tell you all my secrets. Like I can tell you anything. I never speak to anyone this way. But with you I feel like I can"

"How do you cope with all those emotions without ever talking about it?"

He stand up, walks to the table and gets back with a journal.

"I keep my thoughts private in my journal. Sometimes my social worker looks at it but she barely really reads something. Its also my joke diary. I use it for anything that comes to my mind. Do you wanna read it? I cant belive I ask you that but... i want you to. I want you to know how I feel"

I`m flattered by him. This must be really private and he wants me to read his diary? Maybe I am not the only one feeling this connection. Maybe we truly feel for each other. Maybe I could watch him sleep tonight.

"You could read me something out of your diary. I dont feel comfortable with reading it by myself."

"I could do that" he nods, skipping through the pages like he is regretting it already.

"Here is a joke, are you ready?"

"Sure" I put my hand upon his knee as he starts reading.

"What did the crazy man say to the straight jacket? Loosen up a little"

He skips more pages, doesnt even look if I was smiling.

"Imagin your whole life ends on a sidewalk..." he stops.

"You know what? This was a bad idea, I am so sorry. I really wanted to show you but my thoughts are just nonesense."

He throws his diary back on the desk, putting on some music. The moon is a silver dollar comes up. "Stand up,Kitten" he takes me by the hands and starts to dance with me. In this dark but cosy room. He really is a good dancer. You can tell he`s got music inside of him. "Arthur, you`re a really good dancer". He smiles "I know". He pulls me closer. I lay my head upon his chest. Take a deep breath of his brown sweater. He´s not much taller than me, so my head is close to his well defined chin. I can feel him pressing me against him. So carefully but still close enough to tell he wants me to stay in this position. And god I want to stay in it. My hands are pressed on his back. I can feel his bones through the sweater, thats how skinny he is. I never want this moment to end. The way his body moves to the song draws me in. I get lost in the motion of his movements, we become one movement. And even this isnt close enough. I need to feel his naked skin on mine. I need to inhale his breath. To taste his lips. His embrace loosens up. He is twisting me around in circles. Laughing. Not the kinda laugh that seems hurtful. A real laugh. I think this is the first time he looks happy to me. Real happiness. Is it because of me?

"Thank you for that special moment,Kitten. I usually dance with my mother only. You really make me smile. So, do you wanna watch a movie or something? I got some very funny Charlie Chaplin movies, you might enjoy..."

"Sure"

We watch his fave movies all day long. We dont talk much. Just sitting beside each other on the couch. Sometimes he puts his hand on mine but only for a moment. He seems real shy. Like he doesnt know if he is allowed to touch me. Oh he is allowed. Everything in me screames for him to touch me. But I never got it on with a stranger and it makes me feel confused. Is he only being shy or doesnt he want me the way that I want him?

He`s really into those movies. He pay attention to every detail. Sometimes he gives me comments about how the movie has been made. He seems very passionate about this, which I love.

After hours of watching Chaplin he looks even more tired than before.

"Do you want to go to bed?" he asks. "If you want. I could get some sleep,too."

"Do you want to sleep on the couch?"

There it is. The question.

"Yeah"

I said yeah. Why did I say that?  Well, he is offering me the couch, I cant just go and tell him No I want to fall asleep beside you and tocuh your face while you`re dreaming. Cant I?

"Alright. So U got all the blankets and pillows there and ...good night, Kitten. If you need something just wake me, i`m right here"

"Good night Arthur"

He leaves the door open. I lay down and stare at the ceiling. Unable to find sleep. He is sleeping in the other room. I could just walk in and lay down beside him and... No I can`t do that. He`ll wake up and think i´m a stalker.

I lay here for a good hour till I hear his steps towards me.

"K-Kitten?"

He is wearing underwear only. His tiney body right in front of me. His hair messy and curly from tossing around in his bed.

"Yes?"

"My insomnia is getting bad again. I cannot find any sleep. Do you wanna crawl up under my blanket? I mean, only if you want , there is enough space for the two of us and..."

Thats it. I cannot behave myself anymore. I stand up, fully awake and grab his beautiful face. He`s just standing there, with his hands hanging down on him, as I press my lips gently against his scar. It tastes like cigaretttes but there is also a different taste i cannot describe. Him.

I touch the scar gently with my tongue, my left hand on his cheekbones.He still isnt moving. Like he´s frozen. He closes his eyes, so I can see his long eyelashes which protect those green eyes like a curtain. I can feel his breath on my face as I stop for a second to look at his face. He`s still doing nothing. I kiss him one more time,let my tongue find its way in his mouth. Now he presses me against him like when we were dancing but one of his hands are lying gently in my neck now. I can tell that his hand is shaking. He is nerveous, doesnt know what to do. But then he is kissing me back. Slow but harder now. Still very unsure of himself. Kissing him feels like heaven. His shyness turns me on even more.

My hands are on his chest now. I can feel his heart  beating fast. Its cute that I make him that nerveous. He seems so pure. I just want more of him.

He opens his eyes as our kiss is done. Smiling in the softest way" I`ve never been with a woman b- before. “

I push him gently into the bedroom as my hands are all over him.

" Do you enjoy it, Arthur"

"Oh yeah, I have dreamed about this for so long" he touches my hair, the back of my head, my shoulders.  I kiss him again. This time he kisses me right back. He has never been kissed before. My hands are in his hair, the curls I wanted to touch since I came here. They feel so good between my fingers. Kinda greasy but so damn good.

We get up on the bed and crawl under the blankets. I take my shirt off cuz I know he`s too shy to  undress me. I slip under the blanket and we cuddle up, skin on skin. He crawls up and lays his head upon my lap, closing his eyes as I stoke his hair with my fingers.

"Please stay" he whispers.

"I´m not going anywhere, Arthur. I will never leave you alone"

---to be continued---

Part2

The pressuer of his head upon my lap feels very intimate. Everything with him feels imtimate. His hair soft an fluffy between my fingers. He really seems to enjoy it. He craves intimacy, like someone who has never known it. His hands are not touching me he just relaxes in my arms, breathing slowly, a hint of a smile on his face but still oh so sad in his expression.

"Kitten?"

"Yes, Arthur?"

"That was my first kiss. I bet you can tell. I know I´m bad at it"

"You`re not,Arthur. It was wonderful to feel your lips on mine"

"Really?"

"Yeah"

He smiles "I never dated anyone in my whole life. People think I`m weird because of that.  I mean I´m already over 30 and... I have no experience"

"His eyes are still closed while he is telling me this. I think its kinda cute that he is such a shy guy, but I just know his lonelyness was causing this, which makes me sad at the same time.

"I was about to kiss a girl in my early twenties" he says "But I ended up laughing right at her face, because I got scared and she thought I was laughing at her. She slapped me and left.I never had the guts to try it ever again after this"

"Oh Artie..."

"It feels good you know? Feeling your skin on mine"

"I know" I whisper in his ear

He drifts away, falling asleep.

I watch him sleep, just like I imagined it.

And its even more wonderful as it was in my imagination.

Seeing him so peaceful  makes me happy inside. He derves this moment. He deserves to be loved. I can`t wait to hear more of his stories. Even if most of them will be sad, its part of him. Of his life. And I wanna know everything about him. I wann know his thoughts, his deepest desires, his secrets,...

I wanna drown in his mind, which seems to be mysterious, even to himself.

I wanna listen to him for hours, nights,...help him with his problems. Take some weight off of his shoulders.

And I want to touch every inch of his body. Kiss all of his fears and doubts away, till he becomes a confident person. Till he knows that he is loved. I want to be all over him and feel him inside of me.

But for now... I`ll watch him dream. And think about what tomorrow might bring...

Somewhere between watching him sleep and petting his hair I must have been fallin to sleep myself. His head is still lying on my lap as I wake up, a smile on his face. He moves a bit, now opening his eyes "Kitten?"

"Good mornng, Arthur"

" You`re still there" he says "It wasnt just a dream"

"Of course I am"

His hand is touching my leg like he wants to consider himself that I am not a dream.

"Is this, is this real?"

"It is" I whisper "Why would you think its not?"

He gets up, sitting on the bed now, his arms pulling his knees close to his body.

"I don`t know... sometimes I tend to dream a lot , you know? Some days the loneliness  gets so painful I just drift away in daydreams. Dreams in which there is someone by my side. Someone who truly cares about me. Touches me. I got pretty good at it over the years. There were times I even felt their arms around me. Heard their voices in my head."

"Oh Arthur... I dont know what to say"

"Deep down I always knew that I was still alone" he pulls his legs even closer to his body, his eyes watering.

It hurts me to imagin him  being lonely all his life. No one taking care of him. His mother seems to seek help herself. I bet he took more care of her than she did for his son. Arthur seems to be one of the forgotten. Left behind till he even forgot that he matters himself.

"Well, those times are over now, Artie! Come on, get up, we`ll get you ready for work. You said I could watch you putting your Clown make up on in the morning, do you remember?"

His posture changes now "Oh yeah right. I will take you with me to Haha`s. So I can introduce you to my coworkers. How does that sound to you?"

"I can`t wait"

We both get out of bed, walking into the living room. He gets to the couch, lighting a cigarette while I get in the kitchen making some coffee.

"I  can`t remember when I last slept as well as tonight your arms, Kitten."

I`m smiling but he cant see it.

"Usually I  am wide awake for nights and nights, tossing and turning till I start to hallucinate"

He turns around, looks over at the kitchen "You calmed my mind down a lot"

"I`m heading back to the couch, handing him his coffee "Hearing this means so much to me. I feel the same with you."

His eyes go big like he was a little child, giggeling.

"Any memories coming back to you?

His question hit me in a weird way. I almost forgot about that problem in his presence. "Nothing"

"I`m sorry about that. I wish I could help you. I..I don`t know what to do. I never know what to do..."

No puppy eyes anymore. His eyes got dark within a moment. One thing I noticed about him is that his moods seem to switch within seconds.

I caught myself thinking what will happen when I got my memory back. Would he want me to leave? Go back to where I really live? Is it far from his apartment? Do I even live in this city?  Is there someone worried about me right now? Did they called the police, trying to find me? All these questions make me so confused, I just wanted them to stop.

"Sometimes I dont know whatto do eighter, Arthur. But we will figure it out together. I guess there is a reason that we met"

"You think so?"

"I do. Come on, we gotta get you ready for the day" I take his hand and pull him up from the couch. You can see his ribs underneath his almost perfect looking skin. Perfect besides some remains of bruices on his shoulder, which I didnt noticed yesterday. I put my fingers gently on his bruised skin. It makes him look even more fragile as he already is.

"Did someone hurt you, Arthur?"

He looks down, putting the cigarette in the ashtray. "Oh thats nothing, nevermind" he turns around so I cant see his face. "Who did that to you?" He walks into the bathroom, looking into the mirror. The room looks very lady like with pastel colors and stuff. I follow him, watching him looking in his own kinda eyes. He loos like he is about to laugh, grabbing his throath, coghing. Pain in his eyes.

I hug him from behind to calm him down, regretting my question about his bruises.  He`s still fighting not to laugh again. Gasping for air. My embrace gets tighter. His ribs are pushing against my hands. He`s shaking. I wish I knew what to do. I wanna help him but all I can do is hug him and tell him that its okay.

"Its okay, Arthur. If you need to laugh just do it. I don`t mind."

I can see his face through the mirror, his eyes are closed, a tear gets painfully pressed out of his eyelids before he turns around. He finally starts to breathe calmer again. I touch his face and kiss his tear away, tasting his salty sadness, make it my own.

"I´m gonna take a bath before I get ready" he says. His voice cracking as he takes off his underwear and gets some Prell Shampoo. I turn the water on, make it hot so his muscles will relax in a bit. The way he just took his white underwear off in front of me like it was nothing. There is something very irritating about this.

He fills an empty bottle with hot water, not looking at me. Not seeing me staring at his beautiful body. I can feel the blood rushing  in my face, I think I`m gonna blush and he will see it but he doesnt notice. He acts like no one could ever find him attractive. I caught myself feeling a little bit embarressed about the fact that I get turned on right now. With his dried tears still visible on his face. I try not to let it show that all I want is to feel him all over me right now. He climbs into the bathtube, lying down. Its a very small one, even for him. He grabs the water bottle and lets the water rinse through his hair. "I can do this for you if you want?" I take the bottle out of his hand. "Sure, Kitten. Thats sweet of you".

He starts to relax as I wash his hair and massage his head with my fingers. The water starts to cover his body. His hair smooth between my fingers. I enjoy washing his hair, it feels like taking care of him and feels kinda sexy at the same time. The way he is sexy without knowing it drives me crazy inside. I`ve never been tunrned by someone this way before. My whole body is screaming for him to take me. He is just lying there in front of me, totally naked. And all I do is washing his hair. But somehow this is everything.

I´m taking my time, makig it as long as possible. I take the sponge and let it slide over his shoulders. They must really hurt. Over his arms. He is making little noises, breathing slowly. Over his chest. I knee behind his head so I can put my face close to his hair, which smells like the shampoo now but there is still that special scent that makes me go wild. I want to bury my face in his neck and breathe him in.

He seems to enjoy it but in another  way as I enjoy it I guess. He seems to finally relax again. I`m just a nerveaous mess, trying not to stare down at his naked body all the time. Trying not to imagin how it would be to climb into that bathtub and seduce him. To feel his wet skin on mine, which is burning from the desire I hold for him.  Suddenly he moves "Thank you, I feel a lot better now" he smiles.  He wipes  the wet hair from his forehead as he stays up and gets out of the bathtub. He gives me a short look. which i cannot define and goes to the bedroom to get his underwear. I can`t help but staring at his small, round butt.

Somehow he looks excited "Come on, I will show you my Carnival clothes now". He puts on a yellow vest, a striped tie, a checkered jacket and pants that have big patches on them, looking way too big on his skinny legs. The Jacket has a big, red flower on it. The kinda flower that  splashes water at you I think. He finishes the look with some big but very beautiful clown shoes, which chnange the way he`s walking a lot. "Now" he gets some brushes and face paint "I will put my make up on." He puts music on "I always listen to music while I get in the mood" he says, humming to Frank Sinatra. He`s sitting in front of the mirror now, I`m standing beside him, watching him taking the biggest brush and applying the white all over his face. He looks very throughtful doing it. His eyes are staring at his reflection in such a serious way. He is questioning himself. Asking himself who he really is. I know this kind of expression because I had those thoughts before myself. He stops for a minute as his face is fully white. There is something very instense about this look. It doesnt even look like a clown. More like another version of himself. His eyes seem darker now. His expression harder to read.

He puts the brush down "You know I always wondered... is this the real me?"

I`m starting to bite my nails, not knowing what to say.

"Putting the white on is like getting rid of all the emotions you had to carry all through the day, you know? Its like you erase half of your face. Half of yourself. To paint a new you. To create whatever you want. You can become another person by getting a new face."

"Why would you get a new face, Arthur?"

"Because..." he grabs the blue color now, putting it over his eyebrows and under his eyes. "Because I got sick of the old one". He`s dead serious, making triangles around his eyes, switching to red lipstick now.

"I have never seen a more beautiful face in my life."

He smirks. Its a diferent smirk I have not seen on him before. But it could be because of the make up. He doesnt belive me.

"I´m just a face in the cowd" his fingers are holding the lipstick like there is something mystical about it.  "No one ever looks at me when I`m on the streets, on the bus, in the city." He puts the lipstick to his lips. "The only time they`re taking notice is when they would beat me up. You asked me about the bruises.The truth is... I don`t remember which one of them  were the ones who kicked me in the back. Could have been the teenagers  two weeks ago. Or the angry man last week." His lips are burning red now.

"I was never truly happy in my life. So I dont know how it feels like to be happy. But I bet its wonderful. I bet you can feel it in your soul and with your whole body. Like a bruise.  But in a good way. So, maybe I cant feel it myself but I wanna be the reason others do."

He turns around. With the biggest, reddest fake smile I have ever seen.

___ to be continued___

PART 3

There is something tragic about his wide, painted smile after what he had told me. He never felt true happiness. The moments I felt it in my life are pretty rare. I know what it feels like to not have a motivation to go on anymore, but to never experience a true moment of happiness in your whole life must be different. I cannot get his words out of my head as we leafe the house and make our way to HaHa`s. He is squeezing my hand as we walk down the streets which are full of garbage and have a bad smell to them. "What about all the piled up garbage?" I ask him. "The garbage strike. It doesnt seem to have an end. I keep on hearing it on the radio." Peple are passing us by without even looking. I thought itwould be a reason to stare at us. Me holding a guy with full clown gear on my hand. But nothing. No eye contact in any way. The people around here seem pretty strange. Ignorant.  It feels like we are invisible but in a very uncomfortable way. Anyway, I really enjoy holding his hand in mine. I can tell it makes him nervous because it got sweaty the second he gabbed mine. He`s slighlty sqeeze feels so good. I realize that he is notlooking down for the whole time as he did when we first walked here. Sometimes he looks at me for a brief moment, with wide eyes and a shy smile.

"Here we are" we walked down some strairs. He looked even more nervous while knocking on the door. "They will like you very much. I just know it." he grins. But his face is freezing as son as the dorr opens. He lets go of my hand.

"Arthur! Where the fuck have you been yesterday? You`d said you`ll come back in the afternoon!"

"Hello Hoyt" he`s looking down again. Playing with his hands. "I`m... I`m very sorry.. Belive me I am" Hoyts eyes are switching between me and him. His look makes me feel like I am not welcomed here. "There...there w-was a reason I couldnt come in the afternoon." Hoyt leans against the door "So? I`m listening. What was it?" Arthur  taking my hand again "This is Kitten. I mean I call her that. We are not sure about her real name but somehow she landed here in Gotham city and she don`t know how and I  said she could stay and ...I didnt wanted to leave her alone, cuz I guess it must be scary to wake up and...."

"Arthur. Listen." Hoyt looks annyoed. "I am sick of your made up stories. Its good to have a strong imagination as a clown but I`m not sure about yours. Are you pissing me off again?"

Arthur swallows hard. I look at him and want to help him but I dont know what to say.

"I...no I dont want to piss anyone off. I just wanted to help her."

"Arthur. Go seek some help yourself. Come on....you don`t really think that I am going to buy the story about the memory loss, don`t you?"

I look directly into Hoyts eyes. They look angry. "Mr. Hoyt. This really happened to me and he was really sweet and gave me a place to stay. he didnt mentioned that he had to go to work again by evening. I guess he just wanted to make me feel save on my first day".

"On your first day? First day of what?" the grey haired man took a deep breath "Look, I have to pay you less now. Art, you know that, right". Arthur doesnt say anything.

Now a big, tall guy appears in the door. "Art, come on in, I just heard about your story from the other side of the room." he laughs. "So you finally getting it on with a girl, huh? " more laughter in the background. "Oh yeah, poor girl who has to deal with him though" says another voice. We`re walking into the room which is filled with mirrors, make up tables and some guys in clown clothes. Arthur looks disappointed. The big guy stopped talking for a moment when he realized I was there. He was so tall and heavy Arthur almost looked like a kid standing next to him. "Oh so he was talking about you? I see. Sorry. We`re just like to make jokes. Obviously!" he takes a red clown nose out of his pockets and put it on. I just nod. Arthur still standing there like frozen. Hoyt walks into another room, which seems to be his office. Still mumbling to himself."So your name was what? Kitten right?" laughter all  across the room. "Well. Its a nickname because I don rem---"  Randall slapping Arthurs arm a bit "Oh pal. A girl. I am proud of you" his voice sounds ironic as he leans over to be "How did he even managed to find a girl like you? He barely leaves the house when he isnt working. "

I give him a look "Oh dont get me wrong. I´m happy for my boy. I just hope you will stay.  He is a real pain in the ass sometimes."

"I will stay". Arthurs wrapped his hands around my back as I say it and pulls me closer to him. Randall walks to the morror, grabbing some stuff "Yeah, sure. Whatever".

Arthur walks me to his make up table "Look, thats where I usually get ready for work. So much more stuff than I have at home"

"Arthur, hey" a very, very little guy, maybe half the size of Arthur walks towards us. He has a honest looking smile on his face. Not like the other ones in this room. "I just heard that you have a girlfriend now. I`m happy for you" he shakes my hand "Hello Lady. Welcome to HaHas. Make yourself at home." I feel some relief now that there is someone nice around here and sit down on Arthrs table, as he walks to his locker and pulls out some clown gear. He puts it all in a brown paper bag. You can see his brown curls peaking out on the sides of his bright, green wig. After that he walks into Hoyts office. But I cannot hear what they are talking about, the noises in the room I am in are way too loud and the radio is playing. Arthur comes out two minutes later. "So, thats all the stuff I need. Ready?" "Yeah"

We leave the bulding and the only one who said bye was the little guy named Gerry. "Today I´m working at a kids hospital. Do a little dancing and singing for them. I´m sure you can joyn. You could sing along some lines?" "Sure. I will. Arthur. I´m so sorry your boss was mad at you. It was all my fault." "No, it wasnt. He is just being Hoyt. He will always find a reason to be mad at me." Looking at him with the clown make up on makes it a lil harder to read how he feels but I can still tell he isnt smiling underneath the paint. "I have to apologise. Those guys.... they are aweful. Everyone of em besides Gerry. I dont know what I was thinking to actually belive they could be happy for me or being nice to you". He sights deeply. "They are only making fun of me."  I touch his shoulder "Oh, dont worry about that. Jus forget about it. I just wish they wouldnt making fun of you". We cross the street "Well, there is nothing special about that. Everyone does". We`re barely talking for the whole time till we get to the hospital. We took a tram to get there and sat on the back of it, holding hands. "Its the same hospital my mum is in" he says as  we walk through the doors "We could visit her later if you want?"

I am really excited about the fact that he wants to intruduce me to his mother. "Of course. I would love to get to know her".  We get into the elevator "Great, I´m sure she will like you. She`s not like the guys at HaHas at all."

We arrive at the hospital room. The room is filled with little kids who fight against cancer. They`re faces light up when Arthur enters the room and plays music. He sings along to the songs and makes little, funny dances. He moves so differently from when he did when we danced in his living room. The kids start to sing alon with him, clapping their little hands "If you happy and you know it clap you hands.." Arthur seems like a total different person now. Like he never had a bad thought for his whole life. Like nothing could ever kill his joy. The big, paintet smile around his thin lips.  The room is full of positive energy and this energy seems to leave with Arthur as well. His posture changes immediately as we walk down the hallways to get to his mothers room. He grabs his huge bag "I`m gonna go to the bathroom for a sec." Alright, I`ll wait". Three minutes later he comes out wearing his brown jacket over a white shirt. The green wig is gone. His curly hair a bit messy and sweaty, still in his clown make up. I cant help but finding this really sexy. He knocks at the door of the room his mum is in. When you watch his profile you can only see a hint of his painted on smile coming from his lips. You can tell he isnt smiling for real. His white face paint starts to come off on his forehead, the red eyebrows smeared. I know I shouldnt get turned on being at a hospital, but damn he looks like a hot mess right now. In my mind I am grabbing him and pushing him against the wall. Kissing him till his big, red smile comes off. Feeling him getting turned on by me toching him. "Come on in" a very weak voice wakes me from my fantasy as he opens the door. "Hey mum, how are you doing?" Penny tries to sit up "Happy, I waited for you to visit me" she loos at me "You have a girl with you?" Arthur smiles under his fake smile. Two big smiles. "Mother, this is ..." he looks at me, kinda nervous "...this is Kitten. She is a very nice girl. You will like het a lot". Penny is shaking my hand "Kitten. What kinda name is that? Hello dear!" "Nice to meet you Ms. Fleck. You got a very lovely son." Penny grabs her magazine, reading in it for a second, then lookng at us again. "He`s a good boy. Maybe a little sad sometimes. Maybe a little difficult to handle. But a good boy." Arthur opens his bag and hands her a paper bag with cookies "I brought you some of your favorite cookies, ma". "Thats very nice of you, Happy." Happy. She calles him Happy which is throwing me off a lot. Her voice sounds like she is saying it in a very cute way but I cant help but feeling like its a tease. Knowing his laughter is a condition, somethign that actually hurts him. Plus she even said he is sad herself like a minute ago. Arthur sits down beside her. I stand beside him. Penny looks like she has been through a lot. "How did you get to know each other" she asks lookng at me "Happy is barely leaving the house, except for going to work and to the pharmacy." "I needed help and he helped me out". "Thats great" she  eats a cookie "As I said, he`s a good boy". "I let her sleep over" I am kinda surprised hearing Arthur saying this. "She didnt knew where to go so I .... offered her the couch. I slept in your bed since you are at the hospital". Penny stops eating "Happy. Do you think you can handle this?" he looks uncomfortable. "What do you mean?" "I mean..." she leans over to him, thinking I cannot hear what she is whispering "You never met with a girl before. She doesnt know about your... condition. She will think you`re weird when she finds out." "Oh don´t you worry about it, mum. She knows" he is talking, not whispering. Penny looking at me again "Really?". There is something odd about the whole situation. I`m starting to feel a lil uncomfy. It feels like he is treating him like he cannot make desicions on his own. "I really hope you can see that he`s a good boy" she is stilll smiling at me "Even if he isnt as funny as he thinks he is. " This hits me real hard. I cannot help but looking at his face after she said it. he isnt reacting to it at all. "So, mum, for how long do you think you have to stay here?" Penny continues eating her cookies " The doctor said there will be more tests and then we will see." "Alright" Arhur grabs his bag "Call me as soon as they know more." "I will. Bye Happy, by dear" we`re shaking hands again. Arthur touches her shoulder before we`re leaving the room, heading home. Arthur is laying his arm around me as we sit in the tram "Yeah...well. That was my mum" he is looking down. "She seems to be a nice lady" "Mmmhh" now he looks out the window. I cant tell what he is thinking about. His wide, big puppy eyes are watching a world which doesnt seem to care about him. Some people are looking at us. Maybe because he is still wearing his make up. Which starts to come off even more. But the blue around his eyes is still bright and in shape. He lights a cigarette as we leave the tram, walking down Anderson Ave to get to his apartment. I arrived here two days ago and it already feels like home. Even if this isnt a very save neighborhood. He feels like home to me. His arms around me. His voice. "You are the only one I feel save with, Kitten. Its like you really see me". "How could someone unsee you, Arthur?" "You would be surprised". He gets his keys, looks into the letter box. Its empty. A minute later we`re back home. He is heading to the bathroom, about to tke his make up off. I follow him. My whole body tenses up. I hope he cannot tell how excited I was to touch him for the whole day. He gets some make up remover. I grab his wrist. I didnt noticed how tiney his wrists are till now. "Don`t" I whisper. He looks surprised. "Leave the make up on" I put the remover aside as I touch his white face  with my right hand. My left hand grabbing the curls behind his neck. All I can see are his green eyes piercing me with curiosity. "Leave it on for me" I alreayd feel like I am short of breath. "The whole day I couldnt think of anything else but to be with you. I mean to really be with you. To feel you all over me" Arthur is closing his eyes for a second. His perfect eyelashes blue from the face paint.  Then he is pressing his lips on mine. Kissing me with a passion that really surprises me. He still seems shy but at the same time his kiss feels like he was waiting for this his whole life. Like this kiss is the fullfillment of his desires. I love the way he is holding my face in his hands now. The`re shaking a bit. I kiss him back. The taste of him and his red lipstick fill me up with excitement. His tongue is searching for mine till we find the perfect rythm. I cannot belive he never kissed someone else before. He`s so damn good at it. Like he does it with his whole body. I stop for a minute. I have to take a look at his painted face. He is gasping for air. His make up is smeared and messed up, the red almost looks like stains of blood now. Which turns me on in a weird way I never had expected. I take a quick look into the mirror. Stains of his big, red smile is all over my own face now. I kiss him again. Harder now. "K-Kitten" he stutters between the kisses "I.." "Shhhht" I say as I take off his jacket and unbotton his white shirt, which makes him look so pure. I put my finger on his smeared lips. Drawing the lines of his left make up with my fingertip. "I want you, Arthur. I want all of you". I kiss his chest as I take off his shirt,too. His ribs. I can see every one of them popping out. His hands are holding my face again. So gentle it feels like butterfly wings. "I dont know what to say?" his voice so soft, nerveaus but calm. "Just kiss me, Arthur. I need to feel you. Just take me and..." suddenly he grabs my hips  and presses me against the wall. Still gentle but with a little bit  more confidence. He is kissig my neck now. Rubbing his face paint off on me. White, red and blue. I can feel his leg pushing against my sensitive parts. I feel the urge to rub myself against him. His taste makes me go wild. I cannot take this anymore. I never wanted someone so much in my life. I want him whole. I want to get so close to him its not even possible. He stops kissing me, looking at me. Silence. I take his hand and lead him to the couch "Take my clothes off Arthur" I tell him as I unbotton his pants. He takes off my clothes piece by piece."I dreamed of this when I first saw you, Kitten". "Me,too Arthur." We`re both naked now.  Kissing again as we fell on the couch. His brown curls between my fingers. His sad, beautiful face looking not as sad anymore. His fragile body ready to be loved. He is lying on his back. I´m lying on top of him. We`re kissing till we`re both out of breath. His hands are all over me know. His left hand seems to grab me a bit more as his really soft right hand does. I cant belive the beauty I see in front of me. He looks kinda drained but in such an attractive way. "You really turn me on, Arthur." He smiles "I do?" "Yeah." He touches the insides of my thigh. I shiver. It feels so damn good. My hand touches his belly and wanders down between his legs. Arthur  moans siletly. Closing his eyes. I can see his lips shaking. He is breathing heavier now. I bend forward and breathe in the scent of his soft skin. "I want to feel you inside of me,Arthur" He pushes up against me. Holding me closer. "I want you, Kitten. I want this so much" his voice almost sounds like he is about to cry but he is smiling as we press our bodys against each other  til there is not an inch left between us. I can feel him getting hard. My whole body, my mind, everything inside of me is begging him to come inside. And just as I wish it would happen. It does. Arthur is inside of me now and I never felt more love and passion in my whole life.  He is kissing me while his eyes are closed. Sometimes I blink to see his beautiful face in font of mine while I feel like exploding from happiness. We´re switching positions. He`s on top of me now. I take him all in. Not only his body but his soul. His whole being. Everything he had to go through, everything that ever hurted him. It all disappears in this moment of pure happiness. "I love you, Kitten." he whispers in my ear " It feels so good.You feel so good."  I`m touching his butt, let my hand wander up to his spine, pull him even closer as we both  seem to explode from excitement and love.

To be continued

[kk095]

Crash Landing

This story is a little different, but I hope everyone enjoys it! There may be some typos, so I may have to correct them at some point. Anyway, I hope you guys like it!

*****

Matt and Suzie were a happy couple who tied the knot 2 years ago, and have been together for 5 years. Matt was a 30 year old white man with longish brown hair that was neat and well maintained. He stood at 5’10 with a slim build, had blue eyes that were behind a pair of glasses since he didn’t like contact lenses, but it gave him a nerdy look, which Suzie was into. Matt had a decent paying job, but it was the stereotypical bland, corporate type job that was totally unfulfilling. But outside of his monotonous work life, Matt was a pilot and even had his own small plane that he recently fixed up.

Suzie was a 28 year old white woman with wavy brown hair, brown eyes, and olive skinned since she was of Italian descent on her mom’s side of the family. Suzie stood at 5’7 with a slender build, had bright white teeth that always made her smile stand out, didn’t have any tattoos but had piercings in her ears and belly button, and looked a bit young for her age. Suzie worked as a CNA in a nursing home in the next town over and hoped to go back to school to be an RN someday. Suzie was a conventionally attractive woman who many thought was out of Matt's league, but she was surprisingly down to earth and a generally pleasant person to be around.

The couple’s 2nd wedding anniversary came up, and Matt decided to take Suzie out for a ride on the plane, and then go out to a nice dinner afterwards. Suzie always thought Matt’s passion for flying to be interesting, and genuinely enjoyed going on plane rides with him. It’s a great opportunity to have quality 1 on 1 time and see the world from a different angle. Suzie has even tried to convince Matt to apply to be a commercial airline pilot, but Matt was never interested. He always felt that he’d lose his passion for flying if he did it for a living.

It was around 3:45pm when they took off that day. It was a cool, overcast day with a slight breeze, but no rain or fog, which is detrimental to flying- especially in a small plane like Matt’s. It took about 15 to 20 minutes to reach the air traffic controller’s suggested cruising altitude. There were beautiful, unobstructed views from that height, and the only noise was from the small plane’s propellers and the occasional check in from air traffic control. Out the left window, you could see miles and miles of ocean and out the right and front windows, you could see the beach and the town below.

The couple had a nice time together, but things began to change just as Matt headed back towards the airport. “This is tower 1. Check your altimeter reading. Our radar is saying you’re well above your aircraft’s ceiling.” A male voice said over the radio. Matt looked at the altimeter- which was many of the confusing looking meters in the cockpit. This particular device measures the aircraft’s altitude and the angle it’s traveling at, and has to be reset before every takeoff to ensure it’s working properly; it’s arguably one of the most important instruments that a pilot needs. Matt takes a look at the device and says “everything looks good on my end.” There’s a slight pause before the air traffic controller says “could be a radar miscue, but keep us posted the rest of the way.” Matt agrees and continues flying back towards the airport.

About 5 minutes later, the nose of the plane began pointing down slightly. Matt pulls back on the wheel, trying to point the plane back up but instead, the exact opposite starts to happen. The plane continues heading downwards, dropping several hundred feet in a short period. “is everything ok babe? Just a little drop?” Suzie asks, sensing something isn’t quite right. “I dunno. It’s like the plane doesn’t have any lift, but that shouldn’t happen at this altitude.” Matt says, trying to figure out which correction procedure to start. Matt struggled over the ensuing minutes to stabilize the aircraft’s angle, and a nosedive began. “fuck… we’re stalling!” Matt shouts urgently, realizing the problem too late. Suzie buckles up her seatbelt and white knuckles her armrests. She begins breathing heavily as she watches her husband struggle to fix the problem. “Matt…are we gonna be ok?” she asks, scared. Matt says something inaudible under his breath as he continues to frantically ameliorate their nose dive.

When their altitude decreased a bit and lift wasn’t re-established, the aircraft began to spin while continuing its plummet to the earth. Suzie closed her eyes tightly, squeezing the arm rests with all her might. “please don’t crash. Please don’t crash…” she thought to herself. While the aircraft was spinning, Matt’s glasses flew off his head and were tossed elsewhere in the aircraft. Matt began navigating the aircraft towards a vacant lot off in the distance for an emergency landing. “ok hun, this is gonna be a rough landing, but I need you to keep your eyes shut and be strong for me.” Matt says, nervous himself. Suzie nods and tells Matt she loves him, but begins to feel queasy from the aircraft’s erratic spinning.

Matt began to make preparation for a crash landing. This is something he’s trained for, but never in a million years expected to have to perform. During the aircraft’s descent, Matt was able to point the nose of the aircraft up so the bottom side of the plane would make contact with the ground. While Matt achieved the correct angle for an emergency landing and opened landing gear, he had trouble reducing speed.

What felt like seconds later, the bottom of the plane made contact with the ground in the vacant lot mentioned earlier. The plane bounced violently several times while still going forward. Suzie screamed as she was bounced around a little. The plane bounced several times, eventually ending up in a rocky area of the lot. The already violent landing because even more turbulent. Matt was shaken around quite extensively, hitting his head and neck multiple times against his seat and other surfaces. A rock flew up through the front window after being kicked up by the propeller. The rock was hurled right at Matt’s forehead and a tremendous speed, killing him instantly.

Finally, the aircraft came to an abrupt stop about a quarter mile or so after touching down. Suzie awoke minutes later after being knocked out herself. Her eyes opened slowly, and was a but groggy at first, but quickly regained her mental faculties. Her brown eyes scanned the scene out her window. She could see smoldering pieces of metal and fragments of the plane scattered across the dirt and rock covered area. “matt?” she asks before looking over at him. His face was battered and bloody from glass, the rock, and also had bruises from being thrown around. He was hard to recognize at that point, which visibly upset Suzie. “matt? MATT?!” she said, shaking him, to which she received no response. “MATT!” she screamed, realizing he wasn’t breathing- or alive for that matter. “oh my god… oh no… this isn’t happening…” she said to herself out loud, beginning to cry.

Sirens could already be heard off in the distance, with multiple reports of a plane crash being called into 911. Suzie began sobbing, holding her newly deceased husband’s hand, waiting for emergency personnel to arrive. Suzie felt a pain in her lower abdomen from the seatbelt locking up and pressing her abdomen. She also had a slight headache and felt a little nauseous, but had enough adrenaline and endorphins pumping through her to make her injuries feel tolerable.

The police department were first to arrive on scene. A female officer scurries over to the plane. “we have 2 victims- 1 male 1 female. Male is deceased and female is awake and alert.” She’s heard saying into her radio. “HE’S NOT DEAD. HE CAN’T BE! YOU GOTTA HELP HIM!” Suzie cries to the female officer. The cop tries to change the subject and talk about her injuries. “can you tell me where it hurts miss? The ambulance is almost here.” The cop says. “Matt’s dead…” Suzie cries out, not answering the officer’s question.

The fire department and ambulance arrives to the crash site about 2 minutes later. The fire department hooks up their hose to a fire extinguisher nearby and put out the small handful of fires nearby. 2 medics head over towards the plane and manage to open up the side door. “hi ma’am, we’re with Bristol County EMS. Can you tell me your name?” a female medic asks softly. “um…suzie. Suzie Carter. My husband’s Matt. Is he ok?!”suzie replied. The Male medic went to the opposite side and checked on matt. He felt for a carotid pulse, checked for respirations, and checked his pupils with a pen light. Matt was pulseless, not breathing, and had fixed and dilated pupils. The male medic discreetly shook his head at the female one, indicating Matt was a goner. “Matt? Is he ok? Is he dead?!” suzie cried out, panicked. “he’s in rough shape, but we have to focus on you for now, ok?” the male medic said, trying to reason with Suzie. The female medic placed a c-collar on Suzie and snipped the seatbelt with scissors. The medic then cut off Susie’s top, only sparing her black bra. “that’s a nasty looking bruise on your belly. Does it hurt?” the female medic asked. “um… kinda" suzie replied. The medic began palpating Suzie’s abdomen. “AHH!” Suzie yelped, wincing in pain. “abdomen’s stiff and rigid with point tenderness.” The female medic relays to the other. “what does that mean?” suzie asks. “it means you hurt your belly and we need to get you checked out at the hospital, alright?” the male medic said calmly.

Suzie is removed from the destroyed aircraft and placed onto a backboard and stretcher. The medics set up a portable heart monitor, which read unstable vitals: BP 90/55, heart rate 131 BPM, and a pulse ox of 95%. 2 large bore IVs were set up, and fluid resuscitation began. A dose of pain meds and a dose of valium were pushed do calm Suzie down in the ambulance.

In the ambulance, further examination began. Suzie's right forearm was broken, and she had a bump on her head. The female medic shined a pen light into Suzie's eyes to see if there was a head injury, but her pupils were equal and reactive. Suzie’s jeans were snipped off and her shoes were taken off, leaving her barefoot and half naked on the backboard with her bra and matching underwear only being spared. “ok Suzie, can you wiggle your toes for me?” the medic asked. “uh huh.” Suzie responded. Suzie's slender toes which were painted with black nail polish, remained perfectly still. “ok Suzie, let’s do it again.” The medic said. Once again, her toes remained still. “ok, good job.” The medic said, realizing a spinal cord injury was within the realm of possibilities. The medic then placed and o2 mask onto Suzie's face and just monitored her vitals the rest of the way.

Upon arrival to the ER, Suzie was lifted onto the trauma room table under the big overhead light while the medics rattled off information to the trauma team. “Hi Suzie, can you tell me if you passed out during the accident?” a veteran nurse asked softly. “I don’t remember.” Suzie said. “I’ll take that as a yes.” The nurse replied. Trauma labs were drawn and blood transfusions began while the attending called out orders. Chest x-rays and a FAST scan were performed. The x-ray showed a complex fracture of the right ulna, requiring surgical intervention to repair, a vertebra fracture at the L3 level, and a partially collapsed right lung. The FAST scan came back clean for the chest and pelvis, but there was a serious non-specific bleeding in the abdomen. “page ortho and surgery. I want a head, chest, abdomen CT. And let’s do a right chest tube while we’re at it.” The attending barked to his subordinates.

Suzie screamed and yelped in pain during the chest tube insertion since she was wide awake, but her o2 stats went up markedly once the tube’s placement was confirmed. A blanket was placed over her torso and she was wheeled over to radiology for a CT scan. The scan showed a small brain bleed that was thought to dissipate on its own. The spinal cord injury was confirmed, and it didn’t seem very promising since there was damage to the spine itself. In all likelihood, Suzie would be paralyzed from the waist down. The abdominal bleeding source wasn’t able to be located on the CT scan, so it was decided that she would be taken to the operating room for an exploratory laparotomy.

After being whisked upstairs into the OR, Suzie was quickly prepped for surgery. She was sedated and intubated with a 7.5 ET tube, with the tube being secured with a blue tube holder. Her belly was sterilized with betadine, staining it a brownish orange color. A midline incision was made in the attractive brunette's belly. The skin separated with ease from the sharp scalpel blade. The underlying fat, connective tissue, and muscle was cut through to expose the abdomen. A rush of blood came out of the incision upon entrance to the abdominal cavity, but before retractors could be placed. Suction was applied to the area, but it didn’t help. The retractors were placed and the opening was created. The area had to be suctioned, but it became apparent that there was extensive bleeding. The liver, spleen, IVC, and aorta were all intact, so the originally suspected culprits were ruled out. The surgical team then began the tedious task of searching through the bowel loops and mesenchymal area for injuries.

During the tedious search, Suzie's blood pressure began dropping. More blood products were hung and vasopressors were pushed, but that was simply a band aid meant to buy some time. After 2 more minutes of unsuccessful probing and prodding, Suzie’s vitals began to plummet rapidly. Meds were pushed, but she became pulseless. The abdominal surgery was paused temporarily and chest compressions were started. Suzie’s chest caved in repeatedly as it was pounded away by one of the nurses. Her perky, B cup breasts bounced and jiggled in sync with each of the compressions. On the heart monitors, PEA was displayed. Epi and atropine were injected intravenously in an attempt to obtain a shockable rhythm.

After a few cycles of unsuccessful chest compressions, the lead surgeon decided to look for the bleed once again. Suction had to he applied once more, but the doctor found a bleed in one of the mesenteric veins. A vascular clamp was placed in the meantime until the vessel could be ligated. Blood still accumulated in the abdomen, so it appeared another vessel was severed in the vicinity. While going through more bowel loops, there was significant bruising and swelling in the jejunum. Another bleed was located in a deeper mesenteric vein, and that vessel was subsequently clamped off. No additional blood accumulated in the abdomen, so it appeared all bleeding sources have been located. In the meantime, the code ensued. A 2nd round of drugs were pushed and more blood products were hung from the rapid infuser.

Finally, the monitors showed v-fib. The defibrillator paddles were gelled and charged to 200j. The defibs were then pressed up against Suzie's bare chest as everyone stepped away from the table in anticipation of the shock. Suzie’s body jolted abruptly in response to the shock, but she remained in v-fib. Chest compressions were resumed while the paddles were being readied. A moment later, a 300j shock was delivered. Suzie’s lifeless body reacted more noticeably from the stronger shock. Her back arched slightly and thrust her chest upwards, jiggling her b cup breasts. Suzie wasn’t shocked out of v-fib, so life saving efforts resumed. A nurse took over chest compressions, pumping away at the 28 year old's chest while the defibs were being recharged to 360j. The next shock was delivered about 30 seconds later, causing Suzie’s feet to leap up above the table and slam back down a second later, showing off the thick, prominent handful of wrinkles in her size 8.5 soles. Luckily, this shock converted the attractive brunette to sinus bradycardia, and surgery could continue.

The rest of the surgery was touch and go, but the OR team managed to maintain a pulse. The 2 severed mesenteric veins were successfully ligated and proper blood drainage was restored to the intestines, but post operative monitoring for blood clots was important. Next, orthopedics began their end of the surgery. Suzie’s fractured ulna was surgically reduced with a small rod and pins that were inserted directly into the bone. Lumbar fusion surgery of the L3-L4 space was performed to reduce motion in the area and prevent additional damage to the spinal cord itself.

After the surgery, Suzie was transferred to the ICU for careful monitoring. She remained sedated and intubated, but switched over to a ventilator. A catheter and central line were placed, and antibiotics were added to her cocktail of medicines since her abdomen was open for almost 5 hours. Suzie's parents and older sister arrived at the hospital about an hour and a half earlier, and were waiting in a private waiting room together.

“How is she?!” Suzie’s mom asked the trauma surgeon, teary eyed as soon as he entered the room. “she’s in the ICU and in pretty rough shape. She sustained some major internal bleeding during surgery and her heart stopped beating for 6 minutes- we were lucky to get her back. She also sustained a spinal cord injury, and it’s very possible she’ll be paralyzed from the waist down. She has a moderate head injury we're monitoring, and she also suffered a badly broken arm in the crash. I’m very sorry ma’am” the trauma surgeon said. “paralyzed?!” her mom asked, beginning to cry again. The doctor paused, then sighed before continuing. “yes ma’am. The spinal cord injury she sustained is quite serious, so it’s very possible she’ll be paralyzed. Best case scenario, she’ll have major issues with mobility.” The family paused, taking all of the bad news in. “I wanna see her.” The mom demanded. “I can take you up to see her, but I warn you- she’s sedated and hooked up to a breathing ventilator. She’s gonna look pretty beat up, so please keep that in mind, ok?” The surgeon said.

The surgeon escorts the 3 family members up to the ICU. “oh god…my poor baby…” the mom cries out, almost falling to her knees after seeing Suzie hooked up to a ventilator and connected to other equipment. Suzie was covered in abrasions, her chest was bruised from CPR, there was a large bandage on her belly covering up the closed incision, the bump on her head appeared to have gotten a little bigger, her complexion was a ghastly pale, and she was cool to the touch. Suzie’s BP and heart rate were stabilizing, but her chest tube had to be fixed a bit after surgery since it was knocked loose from the resuscitation efforts.

She remained relatively stable for the next handful of hours, but there were some changes that occurred around 3am. Her blood pressure dropped again, and her medication dosage was upped. But at 3:30, Suzie began having a seizure. Her body twitched and thrashed involuntarily on the bed as her family watched in horror. “help! SOMEONE HELP!” Suzie’s sister shouted, attracting a nurse’s attention. A few nurses and the doctor entered the room. Lorazepam was pushed intravenously to control the seizure, but it was discovered that her right pupil was blown and the left pupil was constricted. 2 minutes later, the seizure was controlled and Suzie was taken back down to radiology for a repeat head CT.

The scan showed that her brain was swelling, and that raised a major red flag with the doctors. Since her head injury had a delayed reaction that required additional care, she was taken back up to the OR to have an intracranial pressure monitor placed.

A portion of her head was shaved and the small, hairless patch was sterilized with betadine. Once the area was cleaned, an electric drill was used to create a small opening in the skull. After the opening was made, a small pressure sensitive monitor was calibrated and fed into the hole, and constant intracranial pressure monitoring began. Initially, Suzie’s ICP reading was 12mm/Hg, which is abnormal, but still below the threshold for further intervention. Anything above 0 is abnormal, but 15-20 is considered dangerous, and anything above 20 is typically fatal since the brain herniates at that point. Suzie was taken back to the ICU after the procedure was completed.

Over the next few hours, Suzie’s ICP readings increased 16 mm/Hg. At that point, the ICU team decided to put Suzie into a medically induced coma in an attempt to prevent further brain swelling and give her body a chance to recover.

Throughout the day, Suzie only showed signs of getting worse despite the doctor’s best interventions. Her ICP monitor was displaying 17 mm/Hg, but her pupils were fixed and dilated. After a neurology consult and an eeg, it was determined that Suzie was brain dead. The attending physician delivered the bad news to Suzie’s family, and they decided to remove her from the ventilator. Suzie was surrounded by her family and was pronounced dead at 8:21am.

After the ICU team gave her family a chance to grieve and say goodbye, they went into the room and began removing equipment from her battered, lifeless body. The EKG electrodes were disconnected, the IVs were removed, all monitors were shut off, and her body was covered up, only leaving her feet exposed. A toe tag was filled out and placed. The tag dangled in front of Suzie’s wrinkly soles as she was taken to the hospital morgue.

Suzie’s cause of death was determined to be brain herniation from the head injury she sustained. The brain injury was moderate at first, but had a delayed onset and grew progressively worse. The cause of the plane crash was investigated over the following weeks, and the cause was determined to be calibrating the altimeter wrong, and ended up at a higher altitude than the plane was made to fly in, so the plane stalled. Overall, this was a preventable accident that led to the deaths of 2 young people.

[therainroguefanfiction]

⁂ What You Deserve (Doyoung Kim)

Genre: Dark, Angst, Fluff, Romance ☁

Word Count: 3,421 ☁

Pairing: Reader x Kim Doyoung ☁

World: NCT ☁

WARNING: This fic contains self-harm, attempted suicide and talks about depression. Read at your own risk.

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You’re not sure when it started, or how or why. It felt like it had been with you for most of your life. Maybe it started in high school where you spent every day being bullied and abused by your fellow students. At that time, your only bit of sanity was with your best friend, Johnny, but he had started to pull away from you.

Not on purpose, you knew. He had a dream that he was working hard towards achieving, but… in doing so, you began to fade away. Since you were children, Johnny had always been the anchor that kept you from floating away while also being the one that kept your head above water.

When he moved to Korea, you started to drown and didn’t know how to save yourself.

You had convinced yourself that everyone hated you and that you were only a burden to those around you. Johnny did his best to keep in touch as much as possible, which kept you going for a while. As bad as you never wanted it to end, you knew that it would.

Johnny had achieved his dream, debuting with a group called NCT 127 and they were quickly climbing the latter of popularity. He started to have less and less time for you until, finally, he stopped contacting you altogether. Four months passed without so much as a text saying, ‘hi’.

It had finally happened. Johnny realized that you were just a broken burden and decided to move on with his life. He forgot all about the needy, depressed little Y/N. That’s what you convinced yourself of.

You couldn’t take it anymore – the pain, the self-hate, the torment. It was all too much for you to face alone. With the weight of the world on your shoulders, you made up your mind.

You were going to kill yourself.

When Friday rolled around, your father left for his business trip, unaware of the plans his child had.

A bad storm had rolled in out of nowhere that night. Thunder shook the building as rain violently pounded the Earth. It was like the gods themselves were angry.

It comforted you in a weird way.

You lit a candle, setting it on the bathroom sink so you could see what you were doing. The power had been knocked out after a rather violent gust of wind knocked a palm tree into the power lines. This set everything into motion as the power line sparked, setting the palm tree on fire.

Unaware of the chaos outside, you slipped into the bathtub, your clothes getting heavy as they absorbed the water. Your eyes scanned your forearms, scanning the scars that littered your skin.

Even in the dull lighting, you could see each one perfectly. The old and the new, mingling together. Your finger traced them, hot tears rolling down your cheeks as you remembered each one. Every single scar held a painful memory and you were cursed with remembering each one as clearly as if it had happened yesterday.

Your hand shook as you picked up the razor blade.

This was it. All of your pain and suffering, all of the blood and suffering… it had all lead you to this moment. It was finally going to end. You were finally going to find peace.

So why were you hesitating? Why did you feel fear?

The metal rested against your wrist, making small cuts in your skin since you couldn’t steady your hand. ‘This is for the best’, you tried to convince yourself. ‘When I die, dad won’t have to work so hard to pay for my medical bills. He won’t stress himself over me. He can move on with his life and find the happiness he deserves. I… I have to do this!’

Lightning lit up the darkness as you screamed out, ripping the blade across your skin harder than you ever had before. Blood started to pour from the wound, dropping into the water and turning it an ugly faded red.

You slid down in the tub as the wound started to sting, your body shaking. Whether it was from your sobbing or from the pain, you didn’t know.

BANG BANG BANG.

Your ears faintly picked up the sound of pounding on the front door. Hurried footsteps echoed in the hallway followed by the cries of children. It sounded hazy to you like you were dreaming.

“Open up, there’s a fire in the building!” The banging continued. “We’re coming in!”

You heard the door slam open and several pairs of feet rushed into the apartment.

Everything went black.

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Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

A hoarse groan passed your lips as the insistent beeping disturbed your sleep. Eyes sliding open, you blinked a few times before it focused on the white ceiling above you. ‘Am I… dead?’, you wondered, forcing yourself to sit up.

The room was dark, lit up only by the lights of the heart monitor you were connected to. It was still raining, reduced to a soft pitter-patter against the window. The whiteboard on the wall bore the date, Tuesday.

It was clear that your attempt had failed. You eyed the thick bandage around your wrist. The only thing you could think about was the medical bills your father would have to pay.

‘I can’t even kill myself properly…’

The door creaked open and a woman you didn’t recognize entered the room. Your first instinct was that she was a nurse, but you soon realized that she was wearing a Victorian style dress.

Squinting through the darkness, you noticed something dripping from her hands. It was blood, splattering against the linoleum. All other sounds disappeared except for the dripping.

“Wh-Who are you?” You stuttered out, feeling your body tense. You knew something wasn’t right.

The woman started to laugh, low and vacant of humor. It gradually increased in volume until it filled the room.

You could feel terror taking over you as you scrambled back, your finger repeatedly smashing the nurse call button. The speaker behind the bed beeped as it normally would, but instead of getting a nurse you only heard the laughter coming through the static.

The woman moved closer, her bare feet slapping against the floor. “Selfish child,” she muttered.

You stumbled back off the bed, tripping over the various wires and tubes connected to your body. Hitting the floor hard, you winced as the IV was ripped from your arm. Within seconds, the woman was on top of you, her bloody hands wrapped tight around your throat.

Her eyes were wild and bloodshot. “Selfish child! Selfish child!” She kept repeating the same two words, voice growing louder with each repetition until she was screaming at the top of her lungs. “SELFISH CHILD!”

You couldn’t breathe, struggling to push her off but your hand went through her body like she wasn’t there.

Dots of black started to cloud your vision until you were completely cloaked in darkness.

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You shot up in bed, feeling your body enveloped in a cold sweat. Your hand grabbed your throat as you gasped for breath. Warmth surrounded your body and soft words were spoken into your ear. You couldn’t understand what was being said, but they did their job and slowly you started to calm.

A hand gripped your own and you looked up, meeting eyes with your dad. Almost instantly, you looked away from him, unable to face the tears that clung to his cheeks. You looked to your left, where the warmth was coming from, and you felt your body tense up again.

“J-Johnny?”

Tears welled up in his eyes, but he held them back with a smile, breathing out deeply as he spoke. “Hey… how are you feeling?” His voice was rough, a clear indication that he had been crying.

“Why are you here?” You hadn’t meant for it to sound so rude, but last time you checked, he was in a different country living the life he wanted.

“What a stupid question,” he laughed, ruffling your hair like he always used to do when you were upset. “I came to make sure you were alright.”

You moved your gaze to the white cotton covering your body. There were so many thoughts and emotions rushing through your body that you felt completely overwhelmed. Anger, pain, guilt, confusion… they swirled together in the pit of your stomach.

Johnny knew you were about to start crying, his eyes flicking to the heart monitor as the rate increased. “Are you hungry? The hospital food sucks, and we’re not technically allowed to bring outside food in for patients, but your nurse is a big fan of NCT so I can probably get her to ignore it. There’s a Taco Bell not too far from here, I know it’s your favorite!”

You could only nod, not trusting your voice.

“Stay here, Johnny. I’ll go and get it.” Your dad announced, giving you a soft peck on the cheek before leaving the room. He knew that he couldn’t comfort you, despite how bad he wanted to. That’s why he made the decision that he did. You knew he felt like a failure as a father and you felt overwhelmed by guilt.

Johnny shifted his weight and cleared his throat. “I brought one of the members with me. He’s really smart, reliable and loves white chocolate.” He paused, mentally slapping himself. Surely after attempting suicide, you didn’t care about conversing with someone about chocolate. “He’s right down the hall, I’ll go grab him.”

When he left the room, you lifted your eyes to the whiteboard. It sat in the exact same place as it had in your dream and the date scrawled on was the same – Tuesday.

‘What was that dream?’, you couldn’t help but wonder. Even the rain was the same, gently sliding down the glass. ‘I was trying to make life easier for everyone, but I’m a selfish child?’

Johnny re-entered the room with another boy. The thing that stuck out the most was his rich blue hair. “This is Doyoung, he’s one of our vocalists. Doyoung, this is Y/N, my best friend.”

You winced at the words. Could you even consider yourself still his friend after all this? Must less his best friend. Surely he had found someone more suitable to the title within his new group.

“Hello, it’s nice to meet you,” Doyoung spoke politely in accented English, bowing slightly in respect. He was uncomfortable, feeling like he was intruding on something extremely personal, but Johnny had requested that he come along for support, and that was a request that he couldn’t deny.

The rest of the day was spent with the three men trying to make you smile, at the very least, but you just weren’t in the mood. It was strange – you wanted to be left alone but… at the same time, you didn’t want to be alone.

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You were stuck in the hospital for observation for the next week. Both Johnny and Doyoung stayed with you, allowing your dad to get some rest and go to work. On the day of your release, you and Doyoung waited near the front of the hospital while Johnny ran over to the parking garage to get his rental.

You still felt a bit uncomfortable being alone with him since you didn’t know him well, so your eyes were scanning the area to give you something to do. You happened to glance at a painting on the wall and you felt a cold chill run down your back.

Feeling you tense next to him, Doyoung looked at you with worry. “Are you okay?”

You slowly stood up, approaching the painting. It was her, the woman from your dream. Her eyes were bloodshot and hollow like she had died a long time ago. There a small tag on the bottom of the frame with a name etched into it.

“Matilda Palmer…”

“She looks terrifying,” Doyoung commented as he came up beside you.

“She was quite a nice woman, once upon a time.”

You both turned around, seeing an elderly man looking at the photo sadly. His eyes met yours and he frowned.

“She spoke to you, didn’t she?”

A shiver ran through your body and you moved closer to Doyoung, trying to ignore the feeling of eyes on the back of your head. It felt like the painting was burning a hole in your skull and you were too afraid to turn and check on it. Doyoung put his arm around your shoulder, looking at the man skeptically.

“Who… Who is she?” You questioned.

The man folded his hands behind his back, eyes sliding closed. “She haunts this hospital.”

“Haunts?” Doyoung’s grip tightened.

You glanced at him, patting his arm to try and calm him down despite the fact that you felt just as worried. “What happened to her?”

“She went insane after her child killed himself.”

Selfish child, selfish child, SELFISH CHILD!

You threw your hands over your ears as her voice echoed in your head. Having had enough, Doyoung excused himself and all but dragged you to the door of the hospital. Johnny pulled up just as you stepped outside and the pair of you hopped into the backseat.

He looked at you with worry. “What’s wrong?”

“Just a weird man talking about the hospital being haunted…” Doyoung shivered. “Let’s just leave, okay?”

Johnny nodded and took off, tapping the steering wheel lightly. “Y/N? There’s something your dad and I didn’t tell you…”

“What would that be?” You questioned, rubbing your temples. You couldn’t stop thinking about that damned dream.

“We talked it over, and we both agreed that this is the best for you.” He paused, wondering what your reaction would be. “You’re coming back to Korea with us.”

“…Wait, what?!”

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Although you were against the idea at first, you were glad that Johnny had forced you to come to Korea with him. It had been about four months since you moved into a small apartment with him and Doyoung. You expected to be left alone when he was working, but Johnny refused to let you be alone for more than a few minutes and forced you to come along with him. His managers were not happy about this, but it was something he refused to back down on. Doyoung and their leader, Taeyong, also backed him up since they both knew about your situation.

During this time, you had gotten increasingly close to Doyoung, who had made it his personal mission to look after you.

“Hey, are you ready to go?” Doyoung questioned, smiling at you as he entered the apartment.

“Are you sure you won’t get into trouble?”

“Positive!” He gently grabbed your hand, tugging you towards the door. “I only had a photo shoot to do today, and I promised we’d go to the park.”

You sighed in defeat, allowing the male to pull you along. Worrying about ruining their careers constantly plagued your mind, but it didn’t seem to bother them. They always made sure to make time for you.

It was midday in Spring, the sun shining in a sea of fluffy white clouds. It was warm, but not uncomfortably so. He led you to a small patch of grass on the outer edge of the park where you both sat comfortably.

He was feeling nervous, despite having been alone with you many times in the past. “Y/N?”

“Hmm?” You were lying back on the grass, staring up at the clouds.

“Are you happy?” He lightly picked at the grass nervously. “Being here with us, with… me.”

“I’m not sure how to answer that. I feel… fortunate having you guys in my life, but I also feel like I don’t deserve it.”

“Why do you feel that way?”

“I’m not sure. I’ve always felt that way.”

He turned to lie down next to you, propping his head up in his hand. “Do you mind if I ask…”

“Why did I try to kill myself?” You finished, locking eyes with him. He nodded. “Truthfully, several reasons. I was tired, mostly, but I thought I was doing everyone a favor. I felt like such a burden to my father…”

Hearing those words broke his heart. His hand slid onto of your own, eyes never leaving yours. He wanted to convey his feelings, but he wasn’t sure how you felt and he didn’t want to make you feel burdened. “Do you still feel that way?”

“Sometimes. More than anything, I feel guilty.” You paused for a moment. “Do you remember that painting at the Hospital?”

“How could I forget? It was so creepy,” he shivered, “And what was with that guy?”

“He was right. I did see her.”

His brow furrowed.

“It was in a dream, but I saw her. She kept repeating ‘selfish child’. I didn’t know what it meant until that man explained what happened to her.” You sighed, lacing your fingers with his. “I looked her up online. She only appears to those that have attempted suicide. Her son was depressed and had been hospitalized many times throughout his life for trying to kill himself. Finally, he succeeded… his mother was a wreck and, eventually, she went insane and stabbed the nurse that was looking after her. She was locked away in a padded cell and passed away three days later.”

“I see… that’s a shame.”

“At first, I thought she was just a vengeful spirit, angry about what her son had done, but… she’s trying to stop others from making the same mistakes that her son had.”

“I think… when you kill yourself, you also kill those around you.” He whispered, moving closer so that he could rest his head on your shoulder. His hand held yours against his chest. “Depression makes you think that others are better off without you, but that’s not the case. I was there when Johnny got the call. It was like his world had shattered. He dropped the phone and fell to his knees in shock. We were about to go on a variety show but he broke down and had to stay backstage.”

You felt tears pricking your eyes as you whispered, “I thought he forgot about me…”

Doyoung shook his head, lifting it so he could smile at you. “Never. He was always telling us stories about things you both did when you were growing up. He felt so guilty when he stopped having time to talk to you, but we were all swamped with our schedules… Even having you here, he’s constantly worrying about you. I do, too…”

“Doyoung…”

“You said you don’t deserve to be happy… I believe everything happens for a reason. Your attempt lead you to me, and I’m determined to show you that you do deserve to be happy. You’re not a burden, you’re a beautiful human being who deserves the world.” He pulled his hand away to rest it on your cheek as he hovered above you. “There’s only one of you in this world, Y/N. And I… I love you.”

Your eyes searched his, looking for any sign of deceit but there was none. You only found sincerity, warmth and, most importantly, love. Your heart was racing in your rib cage.

“You don’t have to feel the same… I wasn’t planning on confessing.” He laughed awkwardly. “Even if you don’t feel the same, I want to remain friends. I know things are probably awkward now but I just felt like I should – ”

“Doyoung,”

“Yes?”

“Shut up and kiss me.”

With a smile, he didn’t hesitate to press his lips against yours. For the first time in your life, you wanted to keep living. You finally found the will to fight against the darkness.

He pulled away and you smiled brightly, feeling tears welling up in your eyes again. He wiped away your tears.

“I… I want to live.”

The smile that overtook Doyoung’s face was as bright as the sun. His eyes watered as he threw his arms around you, holding your body tight to his own. Four simple words, but it was enough for both of you.

You were tired of being a victim, enslaved by the darkness of depression. You were tired of feeling like a burden and wanting to die. You wanted to fight, to overcome it and, for the first time in your life, you felt confident that you could.

With Doyoung by your side, you were free to start again.

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📜 Read more by checking out my masterlist 📜

[sassytrickster666]

Fiesty : Part One

Nothing is mine but the plot.

Please message me if you notice any mistakes! I tend to overlook ‘em sometimes. Also, probably not safe for work. Will add more chapters if anyone’s interested :3

It wasn´t long until you realised what had happened. Neither was it long until you realised what was about to happen. Since here you were, the young damsel in distress, kidnapped by what potentially was a murderer.

Of course, you weren´t entirely oblivious to current events of your hometown. There was so much going on you doubt you could’ve missed it anyways. With the Overseer and the Horde on the loose and all. Though somehow you hadn´t been worried about that. Somehow it had never crossed your mind that you would be in the middle of one of these events. Yet you were. Yay.

Since here you were, chained to a bloody headboard. It was pretty old and made of some kind of wood. The walls were reasonably tall and coloured an ugly grey with spots of a darker and lighter one. Rays of sunshine coming through holes in the taped Windows enlightened the old room. An abandoned building perhaps? You expected it to smell foul and moist, though the smell of citrus filled your nostrils. How did that happen?

Curious about what else you could spot, you tried to sit up the best you could. In nothing but your fucking underwear. Great. And that´s leaving out two of those annoying-as-hell social butterflies from college chained to some pipes in the same room. Honestly, you´d rather just stab yourself than being stuck in a room with them.

Luckily, you had a feeling that wouldn´t take long.

________________________________________________________________________

A little while later, one of those pesky little assholes woke up, and of course started screaming and crying, thus waking the other up, resulting in not one but two pesky little assholes crying and screaming in the small room with you. Awesome.

It didn´t take long until someone responded to that. Or in hindsight, was is someones?

A tall figure came walking in, smiling a sweet smile. Ah, was this supposed to be comforting? A well-built figure, towering over you, that had kidnapped you, BUT smiling. They were wearing a turtleneck and a long skirt. This was going to be an interesting experience.

_________________________________________________________________________

In the three following days plenty had happened. The same well-built figure had come in the room, speaking with a lisp and wanting to show you how he liked to dance. Apparently his name was Hedwig. He was 9 years old and somehow scared the pesky little assholes, whom you´d now learnt were named Lisa and Darcy, to death. You thought he seemed sweet really, and it probably couldn´t hurt to try and become friends with one of the personalities that held you captive. Thank god you´d heard about this Horde and DIS on the news or you´d have no idea what was going on. You´d also learnt that the smiling female personality was called Patricia. Now, she´s the one that scared you. Lisa and Darcy might have fallen for the smile-trap but oh no you didn´t. If there was one thing you learnt in life it was that the ones with a dead smile were the ones you ought to watch out for. She seemed to be in charge, since you saw her the most.

Then came Dennis, and you didn´t really know what to make of him. Sure, he was the ´strong and silent´ one that must´ve taken you all. AND he was a compulsive cleaner, but sometimes he looked as if something about all this was bothering him.

And that´s just the first day. In the afternoon of the second day the ritual prepping began.

It´s not as if you´re a real big fan of getting your hair braided by a scary as fuck woman was your greatest dream, but at least you got food. Finally. You´d also decided it would be smarter to just be polite to this Patricia, since you had the feeling that if you weren´t she would stab you in the eye with a fork. Which she did to Lisa after Lisa thought it was a bright idea to make fun of the mismatch of clothes Patricia was wearing. Ouch.

Thus, the situation was still miserable, but now Lisa has lost an eye, Darcy was in constant shock and you had Lisa’s eye-juice on one of your favourite shirts. You realise this might sound harsh, but you knew a lot of people like those girls and they were not really your type of people. Because of this, you were almost grateful that you were separated from them.

And just when you were beginning to wonder where Mr. Clean had gone he walked in to confiscate your eyeball-marinated T-Shirt. And there was still something about him you couldn´t really place. Of course you had to smile at him sweetly. Most men tended to have a weak spot for sweetish smiling girls anyways and you figured if there is a way I can exploit this i have to. No harm, no foul. Actually, how sick of a thought it might be, he was quite handsome, wasn't he? You almost slapped yourself for thinking that, but he was. Dennis was tall, confident, he was so muscled you could see it even through his thick grey outfit…

Preoccupied in your thoughts, you almost forgot you were supposed to be taking off your shirt until he corrected you. Eyebrows raised, hand held out waiting and all.

So, cheeky fuck as you were you wanted to try and play around a bit. You would most likely be dead in a couple of days, if not hours, anyways.

You did take of your shirt, though a little more slowly than you should´ve, wiggling around a but more than necessary as you attempted to pull the fabric over your bust. During the whole ordeal, Dennis was keeping eagle eyes on you. He watched your every move carefully, as if trying to understand. Was he on to you? You tried to make eye-contact the whole time, for tension but also to try and monitor if he showed any sign of interest or change. Nothing. Damnit, you thought.

And that´s when, when he turned around tp walk away with your shirt in his hands, with the sight of your womanly body in just trousers and your lacy bra imprinted in his mind, he stuttered when bidding you farewell! Ha! So Mr. Clean was does have a weakness. Now just hope you live long enough to do something with that. Blushing, you sat down on the bed. You know you were just putting on a show to trick Dennis….but you just can't help but be attracted to him. Am I really that fucked up? you thought.

_________________________________________________________________________

Fast forward three hours. You'd just met the Beast. He was crawling over your wall, bloody from what you guess were your previous roommates, yapping on about the weak and the strong and the damaged or something. Apparently you were impure?

Seemingly, you were going to die a painfull death anyways so why not ask what the fuck it meant. I mean, it´d be nice to know why he thought you should be devoured right?

Apparently, you were impure because you hadn´t suffered? Wait what? What the actual fuck did he know about whether you´d suffered or not?! Pissed off as you were, you lost the ability to shut up and told him about it.

´What in the living hell do you know about me having suffered or not, you bloody men are all the same! As if you can just look at someone and can make assumptions about every single bit of my life and who I am? Well, guess what asshole you dont get to decide! Not all bloody suffering is visible. Who are you to say I´ve never been hurt, never been attacked, never wanted for it all to be over? Jackass.´ You pretty much speech-yelled at him.

You had no idea where that came from…. and it felt pretty good. Until the Beast jumped down from the ceiling right in front of you, eyeing you. Then you felt regret and the pressing fear coming over you. Was he sizing you up? Deciding whether he believed you? And you thought exams were stressful.

Suddenly, he spoke ´Feisty…..but true.´ was all he said. When he was walking around you he was, what, sniffing you? when the sound of a door banging opened filled the room. People! Never did you think before you could be so happy with hearing lots of people coming towards you. But you were. You anxiously looked around, waiting for the Beast´s reaction. Would he simply run off? Would he attack them? Take your life anyways?

It wasn't long before you were put out of your misery. It was maybe a split second before he acted. He looked you in the eye. His sea-blue ones didn't give away his thoughts. He came closer and closer. Then he whispered in your ear ´see you soon´. You could just feel him smirk. Then he ran off as fast as he could, but not before licking a thick stripe up your neck.

[orderoftheavengers]

Infinity Wand

Summary: I recognize that "Endgame" is now a movie. But given that it's a stupid-ass one, I'm electing to re-write it.

Ashes to Ashes, a new Dark Lord

The Avengers' final school year ends on a low note, with Thanos turning half of the world's population to ash with a flick of his Infinity Wand. Not only are half of all living things now gone, but Thanos has evened out the number of Muggles, Wizards and non-Human Beings in the universe, leading to the loss of almost the entire Muggle population.

Thanos now rules the planet with his Infinity Wand. Muggles were exposed to the magical world overnight, in the most horrifying way possible. Imagine preparing for a zombie apocalypse our whole life, only to suddenly instead see half your family crumble to ash, followed by a grape giant declaring himself your new Dark Lord.

All wizard schools are taken over by Thanos's minions, with a not-quite-dead Professor Squidward named the new Headmaster of Hogwarts. All the surviving students and Avengers must pretend to obey the slimy new Headmaster, and plan their continued fights in secret.

No Trust, Liar

Tony Stark and Nebula are left stranded in the ruins of Salazar Slytherin's palace, with no transportation. (Milano, the dragon that the Guardians of the Realm's house sits on the back of, was disintegrated by Thanos.) The two Slytherins develop a strong bond, and adopt each other. Tony teaches Nebula the Muggle sport of paper football, and Nebula drapes blankets over Tony after he's passed out. Just before they die of starvation and exposure, an unusually powerful vampire appears out of nowhere, hauls them each up in one arm, and flies them back to Hogwarts.

A tearful reunion follows in the Avengers' tower. Tony then lets out two years worth of rage at Steve Rogers, before collapsing to the floor and being taken to the Hospital Wing, where Bruce has to give him a literal sedative. That's when

Pepper lashes out at Steve for lying to Tony about his parents, and everything during the drunken Quidditch brawl. Rhodey tries to pacify her; as a military student himself, he guessed early on the real reason for Steve's lie, hence why he was so forgiving when they reunited during the Infinity War.

Steve then goes to the Hospital Wing, where Tony is still seemingly out cold. Steve finally pours out a real apology, warts and all, no excuses, with real emotion and tears. Mad-Eye Fury ordered Nat and Steve to stay quiet about Tony's parents, because Nick, like Stephanigus Strange , deduced that Tony was one of the world's most important defences against Thanos, and didn't want Earth's best defender getting sidetracked and killed on a quest for revenge. Steve never let Fury's orders stop him from doing what he wanted, and he admits now that the only thing stopping him from telling Tony was that he was a coward and he was selfish. He was afraid of Tony going after Bucky, or simply refusing to loan Steve his resources to look for him. He didn't write Tony a real apology after the "Civil War" because Steve has spent the last seven years shielding himself with corny cliches and heroic trappings. Tony wakes up while Steve is starting to cry, and states plainly that he doesn't think he'll ever be capable of forgiving him.

His rage returning, Tony adds, "Nice of you to finally give a real apology after two years though. Only took all your favorite friends dying." Rolling over he repeats, "No trust. Liar."

Last Hope, Crushed

For a brief moment, the Avengers think they had a chance to undo the Dusting Curse.

"Get Time Turners from the Ministry of Magic!" Nat says. "Use them to get our own set of Infinity Stones, fight Thanos, and bring everyone back!"

Since Hermione Granger was among the Dusted, she can't loan them her own Time Turner. But the Order of the Avengers, and their new allies, are able to break into the now Thanos-controlled Ministry....only to find that Thanos has destroyed all of the Time Turners, to prevent exactly what they were trying to do. Conveniently, everyone who knew how to make a Time Turner has been Dusted. And on top of that, he's also Dusted the Avengers' and Guardians' resident telepaths ("completely random" my ass).

Bruce screams at the purple bastard, "Why the hell didn't you just use the Time Turners, or the Time Stone, or all the stones, to make more resources, instead of killing trillions?!" just before Nat drags him out the window by the tail during their escape.

Worst Summer Ever

This following summer break is the worst the Order of the Avengers have ever had.

When the Dusting spell was cast, Clint Barton is at the family cottage with his younger brothers and sisters. His oldest sister is preparing a picnic, while Clint teaches his youngest sister an arrow spell. Having accepted his expulsion from Hogwarts following the UnCivil Quidditch Brawl, Clint is taking the rest of the school year off, and considering his job options. Then, suddenly, all of his younger siblings are ash. This breaks the Hufflepuff, who promised their parents before they died that he'd protect his little brothers and sisters. Clint drops his Hawkeye moniker and becomes Ronin the Barbarian. Outraged by the injustice of the Dusting Spell, Clint hunts down evil people, wizard and Muggle alike, with the Sword of Helga Hufflepuff.

Bruce Banner undergoes the most obvious change. After weeks of being unable to come out, the Wolf finally returns full force, after seeing half his friends Dusted. It takes Thor, Carol and Nebula to subdue the Wolf. Since both Wanda and Mantis are now dust, only traditional magical science can help the giant green werewolf. Tony teams up with Princess Shrui--who was not dusted--to help solve Bruce's dilemma. With the help of all his friends, Bruce slowly makes peace with "the furry guy," as both are now in 100% agreement in their fury and devastation. Bruce then undergoes a new transformation, becoming a humanoid, rationally-thinking werewolf. He takes on the name "Professor Wolf," and gains some new fangirls amongst the surviving Muggle population (mainly the Muggles who frequent DeviantArt and Fur Affinity).

For Tony and Pepper, there is a tiny grain of happiness, encompassed by more fear, when Pepper discovers she is pregnant. They plan to name the child after her eccentric, possibly-magical uncle Morgan. Tony gets them a cottage by a lake, near Bill and Fleur's place, walled off with protective spells. But everyone still lives in terror of Thanos. Tony's Slytherin will is temporarily snuffed out, save his determination to keep Pepper and the baby safe.

Steve Rogers, who during the Infinity War proved to have recovered from his out-of-character antics during the drunken Quidditch Civil War, is devastated by all the loss, especially Bucky crumbling to dust right before him. Steve often looks at his compass, inside of which he has stuck Peggy Carter's wizard card, not because he is abruptly obsessing over an old flame, but because he's wondering what someone he admired would be telling him to do now. He decides to start leading therapy groups, like Sam did. Steve occasionally goes on tangents about his own comparatively minor troubles, but this is a quirk the world has simply come to accept from the Gryffindor.

Thor is arguably in the worst position. His entire family has died one by one, plus the wise family owl Heimdall, and the mountain region of Asgard has been destroyed, along with three forths of the Asgardian population (first half were slaughtered by Thanos's army, and then half of the surviving half were Dusted). Since Hogsmede now has some extra space, the surviving Asgardians are able to get a new neighborhood there. Thor spends most of his time in his apartment above the Three Broomsticks, playing Muggle video games with his friends, and spiraling into alcoholism and overeating.

Natasha Romanoff locks herself up in the Ravenclaw tower and becomes a workaholic, obsessively monitoring the surviving populations around the world, and organizing remaining vigilantes still fighting to protect the innocent from Thanos. The only thing she does for herself is Metamorph her hair into a cool ombre sunset motif.

Carol Danvers isn't around much. "There are a lot of intelligent species in the magic world, and most of them don't have an Order of the Avengers." She keeps in touch with Natasha via the Floo Network, though. But Mad-Eye Fury didn't contact Carol for nothing. What makes her so special? Her connections. Nick knew Carol had a whole Realm of species to protect, and promised to only bother her with (living) humans if something that directly and immediately threatened all populations came up. Carol is now flying around the planet, rallying Vampires and other Beings in the effort to defy Thanos. She also gets a rather boss haircut.

Nebula plots her revenge on Thanos, while also checking on Tony and Pepper. When the time comes, Nebula is even in the delivery room.

Scott Lang is still trapped in the Spirit Realm, and thought to be among the Dusted....

The Ant-Nimagus Returns!

At the end of his last adventure, Scott Lang entered the Spirit Realm to collect ectoplasm (basically ghost-sh!t) to help his new ghostly friend, Ava Starr. Unfortunately the entire Pym/Van Dyne family was dusted, along with Ava, and Scott was left stranded in Limbo for the entire summer....

Then, just as the leaves were beginning to change, one of the Weasley family rats (Scabbers XIV) chews away at the magic veil Scott vanished behind, and finally opened up a portal wide enough for Scott to escape. Scott is confused and horrified when he stumbles onto the street and finds trees covered in Missing posters, accompanied by Ordinances signed by "the Dark Lord Thanos." And Muggle news sources talking about magic?!

Rushing to his ex's house, Scott is both relieved and frightened to be greeted by his now teenage daughter.

After the tearful reunion, Scott asks, "How many years was I gone Cassie? It felt like three hours."

"It was three months Dad," Casseopia Lang replies. "I had another fay growth spurt in that time."

(Cassie Lang is part nymph, and ages more quickly than her peers.) 

"Wow, we're like, almost the same age now. This is awkward."

"Mom and Jim are dust."

"And depressing."

Scott finds his way to Steve and Nat, who are flabbergasted but overjoyed to find him alive. Scott is crushed to learn that all three of his crime-buddies are now piles of ash in the Slytherin common-room. Scott arranges the three piles into neat circles, into which he draws crude emote faces to represent how he best remembers each of them.

Scott is able to bring something to the table that even Carol Danvers lacks; knowledge of the Spirit Realm, which exists outside the Spacetime Continuum, and thus can be used for Time Travel. In fact, it turns out that this Realm was regularly used by the Ministry in the Manufacturing of Time Turners...

Lab Gang Learning about this new hope, Tony is at first apprehensive. By now, more months have passed, and Pepper has given birth to a baby girl. Tony doesn't want to lose Morgan or Pepper, or endanger more lives, in an attempt to defy Thanos. But a glance at a wizard-photo of him goofing off with his little Ravenclaw has him change his mind. Tony flies back to the Avengers' tower at Hogwarts, and tells Steve he's done letting resentment eat away at him, and presents Steve with a new shield. Since Steve has already given a full, satisfying, heartfelt apology and explanation, that the audience saw every detail of and didn't have to head-canon up for themselves, Tony's forgiveness makes perfect sense and has the exact emotional impact its writers intend for it to (breaks keyboard while typing). Now, the smartest wizards have to figure out how to use the Spirit Realm for time travel. Deep in Snape's old Potions dungeon, Tony, Bruce, Rocket, and Shuri--who was not Dusted!--all get together to brainstorm. The four geniuses exchange ingenuity and banter, and it is brilliant. Rocket, a niffler, is enamored with Tony’s chest amulet, and steals it, causing some health problems for Tony. This angers Professor Wolf, who chases the niffler/raccoon hybrid around the lab until he catches him and makes him into a violent chew toy. Shuri snags Rocket from the Wolf, and the amulet from Rocket. Struck with inspiration, the Wakandan princess makes some adjustments to the amulet, to Tony’s embarrassment and begrudging awe. This leads to a “eureka!” moment for the four of them, in regards to the Time Travel problem, and they finally get it solved. Meanwhile, Nat, using her metemorphmagus spy skills, finally tracks Clint Barton down in Japan, where he is slaying evil Vampires with the Sword of Hufflepuff (an opal-encrusted katana). He apparently also used the sword to try cutting his hair, hence his disastrous new do. Nat tells Clint they may have a way to bring his family back, and possibly even fix his hair. With this new glimmer of hope, Clint returns to Hogwarts.

Time Heist! Tony and Scott first attempt to use their combined Slythrin cunning to stal the Mind Stone from the Avengers' first battle with Loki, but succeed only in amusing shenanigans and observing Amreica's ass. Figuring it may be better to combine opposite skills, Tony and Steve then decide to try a Slytherin/Gryffindor team-up, and they go further back to the 1970s. There, they find help from the Maurauders, who are more than happy to break some rules and help with a heist, even for two guys they don't know. Steve sees Peggy, carrying on with her life, and watches her with a mixture of sad longing, and happiness that she's moved on. Tony meanwhile meets his father Howard, and discusses parenthood with him. Howard goes on about how "unqualified" he feels, and how he'd do anything for his coming baby, and Tony is reminded once more how full of sh*t his father always was. But since the bastard died an admittedly horrible death, Tony hugs and thanks him anyway, before yeeting off with the Stone. Steve starts to apologize once again, but Tony cuts him off. Tony's cunning and Steve's daring result in a success, and they return to the present time with the Mind Stone. Thor and Rocket travel to Asgard's past, to get the Reality Stone. Thor reunites with his mother, and sees he's still worthy of his hammer/broom, which he brings back with him to the present. Before he leaves, Queen Frigga tells him, "It's time to start being who you are, rather than who you're 'supposed' to be." "Are you telling me to step down from my throne?" "...step down? After your first five years were less than ideal? You're barely 1500 years old, my son. What I'm saying is, you could  take a bit of time off to find yourself. A decade or two of vacation, having adventures with your rabbit friend, maybe. And you can even stay fat for a few centuries if you want. But why in the world would I be suggesting that you should throw away all you've fought for, just because of how things turned out over the last half-decade?" "I'm sorry Mother...living with Midgardians must've gone to my head. Though, I always was rather impulsive anyway."   Rhodey and Nebula meanwhile travel to the Forbidden Forest, where Star Lord is about to steal the Power Stone from a heavily guarded cave. Rhodey and Nebula get along well, both now being close friends of Tony's, and both having been magically modified against their wills. (Rhodey, still a merman, must rely on his silver broom for transportation above water.) The pair interrupts Quill's opening dance number with Petrificus Totalus, and snag the Stone. Past-Thanos learns what they're up to, and almost follows them back to the present time, but Nebula kills her evil past self and past-Thanos, gaining some much-needed catharsis for herself. Past Gamora, however, stows away aboard Nebula's broom, as she and Rhodey fly back through the Spirit Realm to the present. Bruce gets the Time Stone from fellow a Ravenclaw, the Ancient One. Not battle or trickery is needed for this one; just honest, Ravencalw-to-Ravenclaw reasoning. When Bruce tells her about Strange sacrificing the Time Stone to save Tony, she realizes what this must mean, and hands the Stone over to Bruce. "But you must promise to return it, and restore the timeline." "I swear, my Lady, there is no one amongst the Order of the Avengers who would ever even consider messing up the Timeline for any reason, no matter how tempted they are." Nat and Clint go back in time to the palace of Salazar Slythrin, where Red Skull explains the trade for the Time Stone. Hufflepuff Clint naturally wants to be the one to die; he's already lost his family, he can't bear to lose his best friend as well. And he feels he deserves death, for the violent way he handled the loss of his family. But Nat, ever the pragmatic Ravenclaw, remembers that this death may not be permanent; and if god forbid it is, Clint's family will need him, and the world will need as many stable families like Clint's as possible, to rebuild. And she has a lot more red on her ledger to die for than he does. So she sacrifices herself. This apparent loss crushes the Avengers. The stereotype that Ravenclaws are just cold intellectual machines is BS; Nat was introspective and witty, and at the center of the heart of thee Order. And she never got to have a family. They sit in front of the Hogwarts lake, taking in her death. 

Bruce roars, and tosses a bench into the lake. The kids sitting on the bench, Teddy Lupin and Victoire Weasley, barely react, as they too were close with Nat and are mourning her. Even the Giant Squid is too sad to be bothered by the littering of his lake.  "We'll bring her back," Steve says sternly, as tears stream down his face. "It can't be undone," Clint chokes. "Sure it can't," Tony says clenching his jaw. "Just like Time Travel and bringing back the Dusted is impossible. When this is over, we won't need the Stone anymore, and we'll still have Time Travel." The Un-Dusting Tony builds a new Infinity Wand for the Avengers' set of Stones. Naturally, he designs the wand with the same red motif as his own--but this isn't just Tony's diva ego flashing again. He has always seen it has his own duty to defeat Thanos. His mind is temporarily changed when he attempts to use the Infinity Wand, and nearly passes out just from holding it with all the stones. Only Professor Wolf is strong enough to wield it with relative ease, and even he howls with pain as he flicks it. Thanos (the real, current Thanos, who is not dead) senses at once that a new Infinity Wand has been created and used, and attacks Hogwarts. The Avengers prepare to face him themselves, Bruce still weilding the Infinity Wand in his furry green paw, when suddenly portals open up around the school. Stephanigus Strange is back, along with all of the Dusted! Steve Rogers is frozen as he watches Sam and Bucky fly towards him on their brooms, coming from the left and right respectively. Bucky stares at Steve with scolding eyes, and says, "I told you not to do anything stupid," before barreling into him with a hug. Meanwhile, an adorkable little Ravenclaw in a spider-themed cloak swings up to Tony, and begins babbling about how wild it is to be back from the dusted, only to be interrupted by a tight hug. "Oh, this is nice!" As Tony crushes his surrogate baby brother, his eyes meet Bucky's, who is stilll crushing Steve. It's a silent, wet-eyed, exchange of forgiveness between the two of them. Then Tony notices Professor Squidward raising his wand behind Bucky and Steve. In one slick movement, Tony shoves Peter behind him, whips out his own wand, and blasts Squidward into a thousand gory pices of sushi. Bucky returns the favor a moment later, blasting a Thanos-minion that was coming up on Tony and Peter, before leaping over and finishing the villain off with some loud vampiric slurping. Bruce searches desperately for Natasha, and can't find her. He has a sickening feeling she wasn't revived. Vision and Gamora aren't seen either.... But all of the other the Guardians of the Realm are back. King T'Challa leaps through a portal, roaring and changing into his panther form in mid-jump. Wanda Maximoff soars out of the Wakanda portal, no broom or wand, running purely on her own scarlet magic. A pixie buzzes over to Scott, and Hope Van Dyne reverts to her usual size. A white ghostly blur gradually solidifies into Ava Starr, emerging through a slightly irritated Stephen Strange. Valkyrie flies in on her Pegasus, accompanied by all of the Asgardians, including Thor's new eccentric friends from "Ragnarok." From the next portal comes Nicademus Fury and Maria Underhill, ready to kick ass, and not about to miss out on this epic showdown battle, because that would just be jackalope-sh*t. From the next portal comes Lady Sif, Sharyn Carter, Christine Everhart, Bill Foster, and Galaga Guy. From the next, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron, Hagrid, and all of the main heroes from their generation (all having been Dusted). Portals open from wizarding schools around the world--Ilvermorny, Durmstrang, Beaubaxtons, Mahoutokoro, and Xavier's School for Gifted Wizards. From the final portal emereges Eddie Brock/Venom, Deadpool, and DarkWing Duck.   And now the most epic battle in wizard history begins. Battle for Hogwarts The red Infinity Wand is tossed between the strongest Avengers during the battle, each of whom gets a turn using it against Thanos's original model. Bruce and the Wolf fight Thanos once more, now together, and wielding the red Infinity Wand. Professor Wolf is struggling to simply turn Thanos and his minions to dust, but it's one Infinity Wand up against another. As the two Infinity Wands blast against each other, a light begins to glow in the middle of the two spells. Bruce suddenly hears a familiar voice, half in his head. "Bruce, give someone else a turn." Natasha--or a ghostly version of her--is emerging from the middle of the two Infinity Wands' spells. "Priori Incantatem!" shouts Shuri, from her blue-and-silver panther broom. "Or something like it! Two sets of Infinity Stones blasting against each other, their past spells are regurgitating!" The moment of shock distracts Bruce long enough for Thanos to blast him to the ground. The grape bastard is about to pick up the other Infinity Wand, but spirit-Nat delivers a kick to his face. It's not a huge amount of damage--she only has the typical strength of a very angry poltergeist--but it buys enough time for Spidey to swing by and snag up the wand with his web. The little Ravenclaw trembles with the Infinity Wand in his hand; he's stronger than the average wizard, but maybe not quite strong enough to wield an Infinity Wand without harming himself. Thanos and his minions close in on him, and Thanos raises his own Infinity Wand towards Peter. The two Infinity Wands clash against each other once more, and another ghost emerges--Gamora. "I won't let you hurt another orphan!" ghost-Gamora screams, flying at her "father's" putrid head with her green fists raised. Below, past-Gamora watches in awe, as the revenge she's alwasy dreamed of starts to come true before her eyes. Seemingly all of the witches in the battle fly over and form a motherly wall between Thanos and Spidey, with ghost-Gamora and Nat in the lead. Valkyrie flies over on her Pegasus, and Ava Star comes running out of a Hogwarts castle wall. Pepper Potts is also there, with a new shinny purple broom and wand. Wanda Maxmoff and Jean Gray exchange a glance, silently admiring each other's red magic motifs, while Storm brings in some extra lightning for Thor. While the two Infinity ghosts of Nat and Gamora wrestle Thanos, Carol Danvers leaps over and snags the red Infinity Wand from Peter, just before the poor kid collapses. Thanos throws the two spirits off of him, and blasts at Carol. Now it's Captain Marvel's turn to have an Infinity duel with the Dark Lord. Thanos head-butts Carol, which does nothing to the vampire. An armada of dragons closes in, and Carol blasts them all with the Infinity Wand. She tries to turn Thanos and his minions to dust, but he stops her with his own Wand. Once again, two Infinity Wands clash. Carol's holding it against Thanos good, but one of the grape f**ker's minions delivers a cheap blast to her back, sending Carol spinning into the air, and the red Infinity Wand into Thanos's outstretched hand. The purple Dark Lord now wields both Infinity Wands. Worthy Thor raises Mjolnir, now in hammer form (it can switch between hammer and broom), in one hand, and Stormbreaker in the other, hoping his two weapons might be at least a momentary match for the two Infinity Wands. Unfortunately, Thanos instantly blasts Mjolnir out of Thor's hand, though Thor manages to keep a hold of the ax. A corny Mexican tune suddenly honks through the battlefield. Ant-Man's three friends are back, and they've made a quick heist on the way to the courtyard. They're flying in on their magical musical carpet. "Hey Scotty," Luis bellows, "Sorry we're late. Here, this thing's like a magical-sword vending machine or something, right?" And he tosses down the Sorting Hat. Scott, currently a giant ant, fails to catch the hat in his whale-sized pincers. But Janet Van Dyne flies by and grabs the Sorting Hat. Her daughter, in miniature-pixy form, soars into the Hat. Hope comes out, full-sized, wielding a Japanese-styled Katnana, with an elegant bronze handle shaped like an eagle, encrusted with sapphires: the Sword of Ravenclaw. Janet tosses the Hat down to Sam Wilson, yelling, "Pass it around!" Sam pulls out the Sword of Hufflepuff. "Isn't this yours?" he asks Clint, who refuses it. "I got my arrows." Clint says, blasting his arrow spells from his wand like a machine gun. Sam gives a curt nod. The young animagus then takes his Falcon form, clutching the sword in his talons, and tossing the Sorting Hat to Nebula. The blue chimera draws the silver, serpentine Sword of Slytherin--once her sister Gamora's personal weapon. Rhodey swoops by on his broom, slapping the Hat into the air with his merman-tail, and in midair, drawing the Sword of Gryffindor. There is one last weapon to be picked up. Mjolnir is lifted from the ground, with a clash of thunder.  Steve Rogers is finally worthy to lift Mjolnir, now that he has finally owned all of his past faults and grown out of previous shallow idea of heroism, in a well-done arc that the audience saw in detail and didn't have to head-canon up for themselves (smashes computer and tosses it out the window). Everyone is now armed with some uniquely badass weapon, gathered behind the Cap. Holding the hammer and shield, Steve finally bellows, "Avengers, assemble!" Scott Lang is now in his largest Ant-Nimagus form, putting Them! to shame, tossing Thanos's minions aside like action figures. Assisting him is the Giant Squid. Hope speeds through the field with Ravenclaw's Katana like a samurai Tinkerbell, sending heads flying. Ava Starr runs through a string of Thanos's minions, ripping out their hearts as she does, making a bloody set of dominoes. She tries doing the same to Thanos, but his Infinity Wand makes it impossible for her to go through his body. Scott has also learned that the "going up Thanos's ass" trick won't work, since it turns out that Titans have no assholes. So he continues to kick ass as a giant ant. Pepper and Tony fight side by side on their badass Iron-brooms with the badass Iron-wands. Groot does his vine-of-death thing. Venom eats bad guys, while in the shape of a sexy woman.   Bucky and Rocket are being closed in by a circle of Thanos's minions. So Bucky lets Rocket remove his metal arm. Bucky fights the foes in front of him with his human fist, wand, and vampire teeth, while Rocket rides the enchanted armor-arm like a broom, steering it towards villains that it strangles, punches, or pokes the eyeballs out of. (Bucky can control his arm even when it isn't attached to him.) Wanda Maximoff flies over (no broom required) to help Steve and Thor. The latter two hold off the blast from the red Infinity Wand, Cap using his shield and Mjolnir, and Thor using Stormbreaker and his other bare hand. Wanda Maximoff hisses at Thanos, "You took everything from me!" and with her bare hands, contains the original gold Infinity Wand with her scarlet magic. She puts all her effort into destroying it, with the image of Vision strong in her mind (har, har). She manages to make Thanos's Mind Stone crack, just a tad, and out of the crack flies the ghost of her lover. Tears well up in Wanda's eyes, but she doesn't let go. The ghosts of Gamora, Natasha and Vision join Wanda, each taking a hold of the wand and crushing as hard as their ghostly hands can manage. Finally, Thanos's Infinity Wand is destroyed in an explosion of light, that knocks everyone in a hundred mile radius to the ground. Inevitable There is one Infininty Wand left now. It is sitting in the middle of the courtyard. Thanos and Tony both make a dive for it. As they struggle over the wand, Thanos sneers, "I will destroy this universe down to the last molecule, and create a new one in its place." "They'll never accept you!" Tony snaps. "They'll never know." Tony's face says it all. After everything he's experienced, that is indeed a loaded phrase for Tony to hear. Thanos throws Tony off, knocking him into the castle wall. "I am inevitable!" he says raising his wand....only to realize he has no wand. Tony, bruised and bloodied, pushes himself up, and holds up the red Infinity Wand. "And I...am...Iron Man." No incantations are required for this killing curse; just pure unstoppable will. Thanos's fat purple jaw drops as his minions crumble to dust around him. The Titan's own will and power being abnormally strong, he resists the Dusting for a few moments of struggle. But then, both Gamoras--the ghost that emerged from the Infinity Wands, and the physical version from the past--leap at their "father" from opposite directions, the latter now wielding the Sword of Slytheirn. Past-Gamora stabs Thanos through the heart, and says just loud enough for him to hear, "For my real parents." Before he dies, Thanos sees himself in a field, facing a young Gamora, the child he orphaned and kidnapped all those years ago. "You love nothing," the green child says locking eyes with him. "And so you have nothing. You are nothing." She, the field, and Thanos's entire universe disintegrate, as the Titan crumbles into a pile of ash. You Promised When the dust settles, there is only one Gamora. The Infinity-Ghost has merged with the past body. She shakily rises to her feet, tears falling down her green face. "Gamora!" Peter Quill, who hasn't had a chance to speak to her yet, tears across the field to her. For a moment, it looks like they're about to kiss. Gamora chokes, "Peter..." and then knees him in the balls. She finishes with a hiss, "You promised!" Clutching his shattered bludgers, Quill retorts in a strained voice, "Hypocrite!" He is referring to the fact that Gamora couldn't sacrifice her sister to keep the Stone from Thanos. Gamora makes an admitting face, helps him up, and now they kiss. ...Mr. Stark? "We won!" Peter Parker shakes a barely conscious Tony, who is slumped against the castle wall. Half of Tony's face is burned, and the blue light from his chest amulet is flickering. "Sir! Can you hear me?" Everyone is crowded around Antonius Stark. It's unbelievable that an ordinary human wizard, with no extra powers, was able to wield the Infinity Wand at all, much less still be even a little bit alive after doing so. Tony's willpower is abnormally strong, even for a Slytherin. There was a reason he had Thanos's "respect." Pepper knows Tony literally will not rest, in any sense of the word, until he knows everyone is safe. "Tony, we're all gonna be fine." Pepper says keeling beside him. "You can rest now." The light goes out. Not our Steve! Tony is rushed to Wakanda. He has been declared "dead," but magical medicine is improving every day. Meanwhile, someone needs to return the remaining Infinity Stones to their proper time periods, to keep the timeline in tact. Since Steve Rogers is the only Avenger bland enough not to draw any attention to himself even if he tried, he is the perfect candidate. "Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone," Steve says to Bucky. "How can I," Bucky repeats, "You're taking all the stupid with you." Steve strides through the veil into the Spirit Realm, to begin his Time Travel.... ...and he doesn't come back when he's supposed to. "I don't know what happened!" Professor Wolf says in dismay. "He just missed his jump..." Sam notices someone on a nearby bench, and breathes to himself, "Oh, hell no...."

The old wizard sitting on the bench is hunched and wrinkled, and has a long old-wizard beard tied with an American flag styled bow.

“S-Steve?” Sam stammers. “WTF?”

The old wizard smiles. “I decided to try that 'life' thing Tony was always telling me about. So I stayed in my old timeline and got married to the woman of my dreams.” "Peggy?" Sam exclaimed. "She had her own full life after you! She had a husband and kids! I think her husband was a one-legged veteran! You're telling me you stole a one-legged vet's wife and erased their kids, so you could have a woman you kissed once 70 years ago?" "Maybe the one-legged vet wasn't ever her husband." Old-Steve retorts. "Maybe it was me, all along!"

Bucky interjects, “I don’t suppose in all those years you were with Peggy, you found any time to save me from being Hydra’s puppet, or being forced to kill all those people, like Howard and his wife?”

“Erm…" Old-Steve shifts on the bench.

“Speaking of Tony,” Bruce Banner growls, “Were you able to use this opportunity of time travel to bring him, Natasha, Vision, and all our other fallen comrades back?”

“I mustn't alter the timeline, fellas.” Old-Steve replies.

“Hey wait a sec,” Sam says,  “You spent 70 years letting your wife clock into the Order of the SHIELD knowing the whole time she was working for Hydra and not even knowing it?”

“Temporal Prime Directive,” Old-Steve grunts.

Bruce, clenching his green furry fists, asks, “So did you ever bob your niece on your knee? You know, the one you snogged?”

“Adam and Eve were brother and sister.” Steve defends simply.

Bucky exclaims, "You couldn't use this time-travel to save anybody from any of the horrible things you witnessed over 70 years, but you were fine erasing Peggy and Daniel's kids?!"

"See," Old-Steve held up a hand to explain. “When we travel back in time, it makes a new timeline. So you don’t know for a fact that any of those awful implications are even true at all. I might have saved all of you in that other timeline I created, and stopped Bucky from becoming the Winter Soldier, and Tony from becoming an orphan--" "And abandoned me for a better version of me?" Bucky finishes.

Before Steve can reply, Bruce demands, “If it’s another timeline then how’d you get back to this one? That cop out doesn't work at all Steve!”  

A familiar voice interrupts, "Seriously you guys? You really think that thing could ever be me?”

The real Steve Rogers–still the same age as he was when he went to return the stones–enters the field, his face crestfallen. “How could any of you believe that this bastardization with my face is the real Steve Rogers, even for half a second?”

Sam mutters, “Well it wouldn’t be the first time you were wildly out of character….” "WE WERE ALL DRUNK DURING THE CIVIL WAR QUIDDITCH MATCH!" (real) Steve exclaims. "Can't I ever live that down?" The false-Steve says, "No, but you can live with Peggy, in the past. The opportunity is still there, Rogers."   Another familiar, snarkier, voice cuts in: "Hold on, I've got the remote." Tony Stark comes up behind Steve, half his face scarred with burns, and one of his robe sleeves flying emptily. In his remaining hand, his red Iron-wand is pointed at the impostor. "RIDDICULOUS!"

The old-Steve transforms into a younger Steve, dancing around the field wearing only a whipped cream bra and briefs.

Here's What Really Happened “A boggart!” a dazed Bruce realizes, watching the false "Steve" do a slow strip tease. “But it’s usually the moon for me…”

“Mine’s the Winter Soldier,” Bucky muses.

Sam finishes, “And mine’s a copy of the ‘Star Wars’ Christmas Special." "But all three of you were standing so close together," Natasha Romanoff--very much alive--enters behind Tony and Steve, arms folded. "So it had to take a form that would horrify you all at once." Bruce breaks out of his daze, and barrels into Tony and Nat with a giant furry green hug. "Nat! Tony!...how?" "Same as Gamora," Nat says, returning the hug. "I came out when the two Infinity Wands clashed. Steve made one tiny change in the timeline when returning the stones, to bring me a body. I have memories of falling to my death, even feeling my body hit the ground. But I also remember Steve popping out of a portal just before I fell to my death, and watching him have a badass duel with Red Skull. It's like waking up from a dream and not knowing what to believe." Tony pointed at her. "Don't go stealing lines from underrated movies like 'Frequency!'" turning to Bruce he explains, "I guess when I slaughtered Thanos's minions, I accidentally turned my amulet into a horcrux. I'm down one arm, but Shuri was able to pump some new life into my body with some donated vampire blood from Bucky and Carol, and as long as I keep this thing on, I'll mostly stay in one piece. But I can also take it off and turn into Tony the Unfriendly Ghost. It's pretty sweet, in an existentially horrifying way." "Don't lie Tones," Nat elbows him. "You'd never miss a chance to be the epitome of both angst and scientific advancement."

"Then...everyone's back?" Sam asks. "Not everyone," Wanda replies heavily, entering the field. Next to her is Princess Shuri. "The Mind Stone from Tony's Infinity Wand had to be returned to its original time period," Suri begins. "The Mind Stone from ours is destroyed, with the rest of Thanos's Infinity Wand. I tried to save him, I was sure he could live without the stone...." "It was always highly experimental," Wanda finishes. After some grieving, the Order of the Avengers all go out to the Three Broomsticks for a bittersweet dinner and round of drinks.

Epilogue: Tony Stark has finally found the perfect job for him, as the Defense Against the Dark Arts Teachers of Hogwarts. Tony was born for the job, on its two most important grounds: Iron Man is obviously the epitome of "defense against the dark arts;" and since being a D.A.D.A. teacher always means suffering some horrible fate at the end of the semester, this too is Tony's life in a nutshell. No teacher before has been willing to return for another semester, after ending their first one memory-wiped, disintegrated, locked in a chest, or soul-sucked by a Dementor. But for Tony, such things are the story of his life. He always has the summer to recuperate. He also has a new magical red-and-gold armor-arm, so that keeps him pretty entertained. More important though, he has Morgan and Pepper. "I love you 3000." Steve Rogers decides to indeed "try that life thing Tony's always talking about," but without ****ing the timeline. He returns to his home country, and coaches Quadpod (the explosive American version of Quidditch), at Ilvermorny School of Magic.  Either Sam or Bucky will carry on his moniker as Captain America, and his embarrassing portrait in the Gryffindor Quidditch pit will carry on his inspirational speeches and moral lectures. Thor plans to find a proper new home for his people. Joining the Guardians of the Realm, he is on the lookout for any unclaimed mountain range or forest that can be called New Asgard. In the meantime, he has left Valkyrie in his stead, back at their burrow in Hogsmede. Nat is teaching Transfiguration, and Clint, Magical Archery. And "Professor Wolf" is in the dungeons, teaching Potions. Bruce can alternate between any of his three forms at will, and actually tends to teach in his boring, adorkable human form (with only the green tail). After curing Bucky's mind-control, almost saving Vision's life, and curing Everett Ross's near-fatal wounds in hours, Shuri finally has managed to fix Rhodey's legs. He has spent the last month going through the very long list of "asses that need kicking" that he's been accumulating since his accident. Wanda and Bucky are growing close, though Ava might make it a love triangle. Or she might simply be the couple's "little sister." Tony and Shuri are constantly competing to give Bucky a better new arm every month, and Bucky is... (cough)...stockpiling arms. (Dodges tomatoes.) Bucky, Tony and Nebula regularly have magical metal arm-wrestling contests.  Bucky, Tony and Wanda are also all extremely protective of each other, after their guilt complexes regarding one another. Carol Danvers continues to patrol the non-Human societies of the planet, and is now dating Valkyrie. And Peter Parker is preparing for a trip abroad, and graduation. He's scared of adulthood, of no longer being dependent on Aunt May or Mr. Stark, but he will take it in stride. Notes: Willikers! Holy mustache! This was a trip.  To honestly justify each characters' Sorting, I have to stick to their main defining moments in canon. I basically decided to keep the most iconic scenes of "Endgame," while giving it a better plot and climax. And ending. By god, the ending. By god, Steve Rogers. Many people online peg Steve for a Slytherin, and by the last scene of "Endgame," he seems every bit like a Rowling-esque, self-serving Slytherin bastard. I have only two arguments for still sorting him into Gryffindor. (1)  the Sorting Hat never said Slytherins were selfish; just ambitious, cunning, and power-hungry. Steve's selfish actions in "Endgame" could just as easily be the result of a Gryffindor's impulsive stupidity and self importance. (2) Steve can be literally any House you want, because Steve has no consistent character at all. Not in the MCU. For this project, I chose to sort Steve going by the traits the films indented for us to see in him, and used as many mental gymnastics as I could manage to rationalize those traits with his actions in canon. I am nowhere near done with this series. I still have all of the supporting cast of "Black Panther" among other things. In the meantime, see the blog for more MCU characters at Hogwarts.  

[bluesfortheredj]

Rocketman

It had been a long day of looking at screens, and your eyes were drying up as you took a couple of long blinks, leaning back on your chair to get some distance from the artificial light. A sigh erupts from your throat as you swing your arms up into the air and stretch your body out, digging your heels into the carpet and pushing yourself back on your wheeled office chair. As you sit up again, you take a quick glance at the time in the bottom right hand corner of the main computer screen, and realise it’s time for you to head out. Just as you’re switching your screens off and tidying up your work space, Dexter walks in with a smile on his face.

“Off somewhere?” he asks. You drop your shoulders, knowing he was going to ask you to stay later.

“Apparently not,” you reply with a half-hearted laugh.

“I’m sorry, I wouldn’t ask, but I really need a rough edit of what we shot today. Richard’s got work commitments later on this week, so I need to know as soon as possible if anything needs re-shooting. I promise it won’t take too long,” he pleads, putting his hands together as if he’s praying.

“You know I can’t say no to you,” you smile, placing your bag down on the floor underneath the table again and pulling your chair out.

“Thank you so much, (Y/N), you know you’re the best editor here.”

“Oh, you’re definitely just saying that,” you laugh as you switch the screens back on, “go on, get out of here before I change my mind.”

Dexter flashes you a grin before backing out of the room silently, not risking you changing your mind, and you watch as the lights get turned off down one side of the building as he leaves. You would’ve moaned, but you didn’t have any plans, and you had to admit you did your best work when left completely alone, finding it was much easier to get stuck into what you needed to do. The icons from each file come up large on your screen as you pull them up, one of the last ones giving you a glimpse of Richard topless, and you have to resist playing that one first.

This was the biggest film you’d worked on so far as an editor, but with Dexter at the helm, you were surprisingly calm, and had enjoyed every second so far. The job was made even easier by staring at images of Taron Egerton all day, even though his outfits were a little questionable in this film, you got to study his face up close, and this was looking to be an opportunity to study other things as well. When you’d first seen Richard Madden in the shots that were being sent to you, you’d become even more excited, and your days were spent swooning over these two men whilst making sure the story they were trying to tell actually made sense of course. You’d managed to steal some views on set as well during your lunch breaks, which made a very nice change from being sat in front of these computers all day, and it meant you got to see the two loves of your life in person.

“Right,” you exhale to yourself, sitting up properly in your chair as you click on the first video. A smile spreads across your face as you press play and immediately see Richard making his way towards Taron through a crowded room, their eyes locked on each other as the crowds around them get ignored, the faces blurring out as the camera focusses on the two men. You’d never quite got used to seeing these scenes without background music and sound effects, so it was strange watching the extras dancing in silence, and you let out a short laugh at one man really going for it behind Taron’s head. Soon the clip is over, ending with Richard taking Taron’s hand and leading him out of the room, a lingering shot of their hands linked together leaving you wanting to see more.

“Jeez,” you sigh, desperately minimizing the window to bring up the next video. When it starts to play, they’re walking towards a closed door, and Richard reaches out to open it, dragging Taron in behind him then closing it with a loud slam. That sound may need to be quietened, but your mind suddenly couldn’t focus on what you should be picking up on, and you find yourself completely distracted by the fact that they were now kissing. Shirts are ripped open, the sound of buttons hitting the walls making you gasp as their bare torsos are now on show, and you find your hand slipping away from the keyboard and mouse, settling back in your seat as a viewer rather than an editor.

“Oh,” you mutter, as your eyes widen at the sight of their hands exploring each other, and even though the camera stays on their top halves, you hear the unzipping of trousers. You know full well this isn’t Taron and Richard, this is them playing their roles and doing what’s in the script, but fuck, this is believable, especially judging by the warmth pooling between your legs, and the pulse that’s now beating harder in your core is getting increasingly difficult to ignore.

“Shit,” you whisper, hitting pause quickly. You take a look around you, the embarrassment of feeling like this in the work place making you check for anyone watching you, even though you know full well the building is empty. If you carried on watching this, there was only one way it could go right now, and you need to get Dexter a rough cut by the morning. Taking one last look out of the windows of your office, you undo your jeans, and lean as far back in your chair as you can before hitting play again. You needed to get this out of your system before you could get any work done, your head was swimming and your thoughts were anything but rational.

The scene continues to unfold before your eyes, heavy breathing the only thing you can hear apart from the soft moans coming from your own mouth as your hand slips underneath the soft fabric of your knickers. Two fingers push past your swollen lips to your hidden folds, and run the length of them as you watch the two men on screen fall into bed. They tumble around on the sheets, kissing messily, and their hands roaming every inch of the other’s body.

“Fuck,” you groan as you push your fingers inside yourself and start to pump, letting your head roll back.

“Excuse me-” a voice says from behind you, and you quickly sit yourself up, removing your hand and hitting pause as you hunch over your desk, trying to hide yourself.

“Yeah?” you ask, not daring to turn around, completely flustered and out of breath, and using your untainted hand to rub your forehead. You were painfully aware that there was no subtle way of adjusting your underwear and doing your jeans up, and you were starting to sweat from the embarrassment of being caught red handed. The tiniest slither of hope that they hadn’t seen what had happened was the only thing you were clinging on to right now, but it was shattered with their next sentence.

“Like what you see?” they ask, the smug smile evident in their tone of voice.

“I was just… editing. Dexter needs to see a-”

“I’ve been standing there for about ten minutes...” they say, cutting you off. Your nightmare was becoming real, and you could only lower your head further towards the table in response. “I liked what I saw, just so you know, (Y/N).”

Your head snaps up at the mention of your name and as you take a glance over your shoulder to see who was standing there, Taron’s face comes into view. All you can do is stare at him, unable to speak, unable to move, and barely able to breathe. He cocks his head up with a smirk and raises his eyebrows at you, then moves in closer and you turn back to your desk, the paused image of him bent over in front of Richard on your screen definitely not helping your situation right now.

“Sorry, I’m really busy-” you start, but stop as Taron chuckles.

“Yeah, I could see that,” he says, “I only came by for my phone, but it seems like fate’s working with me tonight.”

“It’s really not what it looked like….” you trail off, wincing at the utter nerve you had for trying to make an excuse after he’d admitted to watching you the last ten minutes.

“Oh, it definitely was (Y/N),” he whispers, now leaning on the back of your chair and bending down so that his lips are level with your ear, “you didn’t finish though…”

Before you can say anything, he pulls your chair back, kneels down in front of you and tugs on your jeans. You know you shouldn’t, this was a very bad idea, the worst in fact, but you really weren’t in a position to decline as Taron licked his lips from between your legs, and you gladly lift your hips up so he can pull everything down.

“Forward,” he instructs, and you shuffle your bum to the edge of your seat. He reaches up behind him and hits play, then buries his face between your legs, and you gasp at both of his actions, your hands gripping onto the arms of your swivel chair for dear life. An almighty moan escapes your mouth, and you have to look away from the screen for a second before you forget to breathe. Taron grabs onto your thighs, holding you in place as you start to try and wriggle away, your sensitive nub feeling overwhelmed with pleasure as his tongue works around it. When you look back at the monitor, it’s a shot of the top half of Richard, supposedly looking down at the man beneath him, and thrusting into him with enthusiasm.

“Jesus!” you cry out, having to look away again, this time down at the man between your thighs, his face almost completely hidden inside you. He flicks over you once more, then takes one long suck as you clench and let go, your chest heaving as your body starts to relax. Your thighs are shaking as Taron stands up, then perches himself on the desk and blocks your view of the footage.

“Not going to lie, I’ve been waiting a long time to do that,” he smiles, running his finger around his lips, then licking it, “but then I’m not the only one.”

“What are you even-?”

“Listen, I’ve gotta go, early start and all that. Good luck with that rough cut. We’ll speak more tomorrow, yeah?” he says casually, giving you a kiss on your cheek, “you taste so good,” he whispers, then leaves the room. You pull up your underwear and jeans, doing them up this time, and sit back on your chair in shock, unable to even begin to process what just happened. You stare at the screen in front of you, the clip now finished, and you shake your head from side to side as you realise you do actually have work to do, even though it would mean looking at the face of the man who just ate you out and gave you a leg trembling orgasm. This was fine, you could handle this.

You get to work, then what he said comes echoing back into your mind as you hear his voice on the video. What did he mean talk about this more tomorrow? What was there to talk about? And he’s not the only one, what the hell did that mean?

“Gah!” you sigh, your mind well and truly elsewhere now, “fucking come on.”

You stand up, jump up and down on the spot to focus, then sit back down again and get straight into cutting parts out, putting shots together to appear seamless, and checking how coherent it was. Finally it was done, and you emailed it straight to Dexter so you didn’t have to remember in the morning. For the second time tonight, you collect your things, pick up your bag, turn the screens off, and push your chair under your desk. Your eyes linger on the spot that Taron had knelt in, and a shiver runs up your spine as you turn towards the door.

“(Y/N),” a thick Scottish accent says from beside you as you emerge from your office. You turn your head slowly to see Richard standing there, leaning a shoulder against the wall, and standing with one leg crossed over the other.

“I’ve heard my name one too many times this evening,” you mutter without thinking.

“Well hello to you too,” he chuckles.

“Sorry, I’m just… I’m having a really weird night. You wouldn’t believe how weird it is,” you reply.

“I think I would,” he smiles.

“Really?”

“Well, I saw how weird it was, so… Yeah, I’d believe it.”

Your mouth falls open, but no sound comes out of it as you slip your key into your bag after locking the door. Richard steps towards you, and you find your body freezes up as he reaches out and places his hand on your cheek.

“Like what you saw then?” he asks, almost mirroring Taron’s words. You manage a nod and he chuckles at your shyness. “So did I. But I would have rather have had his view if I’m honest.”

“You… Uh...” you mutter, but the words can’t form properly inside your mind as he takes yet another step towards you, his chest now grazing yours, and his scent fills your nostrils, making you dizzy.

“Are you okay?” he asks, his voice a pitch lower, really emphasising his accent.

“Fine,” you breathe.

“Do you think you could show me your office?” he asks, a smirk forming on his face slowly as he watches you immediately rummage around in your bag for your key. He drops his hand from your face and you almost pout at the loss of contact, but as soon as the door opens, you both practically run inside. Richard kicks it shut behind him, not taking his eyes off of you as you back yourself up against the desk, your body jolting when your bum hits the edge of it. Your bag drops to the floor, then he takes two long steps towards you and pulls your head towards his, his fingers weaving through your hair as he kisses you with force.

So many questions were running through your head, but his tongue pushes inside your mouth and makes you forget all of them, just enjoying the fact that you were getting a lot of attention from two of the most handsome men you’d ever laid eyes on. A small ‘why?’ enters your mind briefly, then one of Richard’s hands slides down your neck, over your breast, and stops at your jeans where he starts to fumble with your button and zip, your question long gone now.

“Wait,” you pant, parting reluctantly from his lips. You place your hand over his to stop him, then kiss him once more before sliding down to your knees and undoing his trousers, springing him free before he can say a word. Your hand wraps around him, stroking him slowly, then you lick the underside of his shaft from the base to the tip, flicking your tongue over the small amount of arousal that had seeped out. He’d been hard since seeing you with Taron, and ideally he would’ve wanted to have claimed you all to himself before Taron even got a look in, but as he watches you take him in your mouth he feels smug at the thought that you wanted him as much as he wanted you.

“Shit,” he grunts as you take him in as far as you can. You suck eagerly at him, bobbing your head back and forth quickly, and he leans over to rest his hands on the desk behind your head, then moves his hips towards you, thrusting into your mouth and making your eyes water. You hum, sending a tremor through his body, and his legs shake a little, unable to last long as you keep eye contact with him from your position. Within a matter of minutes he’s spilling down your throat and you’re making sure you swallow every drop he has to give.

“Come here,” he growls, helping you up from the floor and holding you against him as he delves his tongue into your mouth in a hungry kiss, “that wasn’t how I saw that going,” he exhales, breaking away from you, but continuing to hold you tightly.

“How was it meant to go?” you ask.

“Well, you choosing me would be a good start.”

“Choosing?” you frown.

“Me or him. It should be easy, right?” he winks. You lean back to study his face for any sign of a joke, but he seems deadly serious about it, which confuses you even more.

“So, come on then, who do you want most?” he whispers, the thick accent making your knees weak all over again. You open your mouth to reply, but a jolt from nowhere rings out through your bones and you gasp as you close your eyes.

“”(Y/N)… (Y/N)!” Dexter laughs shaking you gently awake, “sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. Did you sleep here all night?”

“Sleep?” you reply groggily, looking at your surroundings and realising you were still in your office.

“Yeah, it’s 6am,” he smiles.

“Shit shit shit!” you exclaim, scrambling up from the sofa.

“Woah there, it’s alright, I got the rough cut you sent me at about 2am this morning,” he chuckles, “you’d better go home though, looks like you had a rough night on that couch.”

“Right… Yeah… Of course...” you mumble, getting your bearings and collecting your stuff. As you leave the office, you can’t help but pout to yourself at the fact everything you’d experienced was a mixture of you staying up way too late editing, and your very overactive imagination playing tricks on you while you slept. You let out a deep sigh as you head towards the door, then feel a presence next to you.

“Get some sleep after all the excitement last night?” Taron asks, bumping into your arm playfully.

“I know I didn’t,” Richard adds from your other side.

@taronfanfic

[maximumkillshot]

“When You Call”- Part 11

Warnings: Talk of medical emergencies, scary situations really, bloods involved

Pairing: Dean x reader

A/N: This wasn't supposed to be released for a little bit. Hence it's rough state during upload. I'm so sorry for that. I’m slowly updating it, and I may just re release it for y'all after all of the changes are made

Overall Masterlist- Click Here

“When You Call” Masterlist- Click Here

Wanna Chat? Click Here

Previously:

I looked at her small hand in mine, the scars that riddled it from all of the hunts, all of the times she cut her hands in Bobby’s garage, constantly fixing cars, she could never build a callus. She didn’t care thought.  

“It’s gotta get done and that’s that.” she’d always say as she would be patching up yet another cut. I’d tell her to take a break, to at least let me help with the sharper metals, not Y/N.

She would tell me, “You wanna help, Winchester? Hand me the monkey wrench and watch a master at work.” She’d always finish with that infectious giggle… I don’t think I can live without that giggle…. I know I can’t live without that giggle.

I brought her hand to my face and kissed her, wishing that I was kissing her lips. That I was travelling from her lips to her neck, to her claim bite. That we were in our bed and not in a hospital.

I whispered after I kissed her hand, “Please, Y/N… I need you. Please come back, I can’t… not without you. I love you.”

Two Weeks Later:

Dean’s POV:

“It’s been two weeks” Said Dr. Shaw, Y/N’s Endocrinologist, “there have been some minor changes, her hormones stabilized at least. How are you feeling?” he said as he put down the chart and walked towards me.

I’ve been in a constant sweat, my hormones are all messed up since I’m close to her but I can’t do anything about it. It got so bad that all Omega nurses are banned from the room. Which is also why Y/N’s primary can’t come into the room, she almost jumped me when she smelled me. I’ve been reduced to my undershirt and a pair of sleep pants since that’s all that comfortable, everything else making me itch.

“I’m fine.” I replied as politely as I could.

“You are a terrible liar, Dean. I’ve been observing you every day for the past two weeks and you’re just getting worse. Which surprises me.” Said the doctor.

“Nice to know that you care, doc.” I huffed as I wiped my brow yet again.

“I’m serious, Dean. This only happens to mated couples, and she doesn’t have a mark on her, and neither do you.”

“A mark is just physical, doc. We… we are just complicated.” I wheezed out as I took in more of her scent.

“When was the last time you left this room, Dean?”

“I didn’t”

“What do you mean, you didn’t?”

“Last time I left her in a room alone she passed out and stopped breathing, you really think I’m leaving her alone now?” I glared at him. If he keeps on making me talk, I’m going to have to kill him.

“I want to do some tests.” Said Dr.Shaw.

“Haven’t you been doing tests on her this whole time?” I asked.

“I want to do tests on you…”

“No.”

“Dean, you look like you’re dying.”

“You are just chalk full of compliments, aren’t you Dr.Shaw.”

“Dean, I’m seriously nervous. If she is having this effect on you.”

“She obviously is, doc.”

“You could both have a very dangerous disorder that leads to death for both parties, Dean. You are no good to Y/N dead so I suggest that you let me do some tests.” Said Dr. Shaw sternly.

I rolled my eyes and he continued, “either you go willingly or I wait until you’re in a coma too.”

“I’m not leaving this room.”

“Dean”

“Dr.Shaw”

The doctor huffed and then said, “Fine, I’ll order the blood tests, get you something to eat, and Dean, rest, please.” said the doctor as he flagged down one of the Beta nurses.

As soon as the doctor walked out Sam walked in. Great more talking.

“Dean, you look like hell,” said Sam as he sat down next to Y/N’s bedside.

“Well I feel like hell so that could explain some things. Apparently the doc thinks that I have a disorder that could kill me too, so there’s that.”

“What?!” Exclaimed Sam.

“It’ll be okay Sammy, they’re gonna do some tests, they’ll come back negative, Y/N will wake up. Then we can go about our business, okay?”

I laid my head back for a bit until I heard a Beta nurse come in, he immediately took some blood from me and handed me a sandwich. The minute I got a whiff of it I started puking. Thank god they got Y/N a puke bucket because that came in handy, but… I don’t remember eating anything red… that’s blood, well shit...

The minute the Beta nurse took it from me, he immediately called the doctor in.

“What’s wrong?” asked Sammy.

Immediately the Beta nurse said “Blood in the vomit. Okay Dean, look at me, did you eat anything red?”

“No, didn’t eat anything in three days.” I answered as I got impossibly light headed.

Before I knew it I felt myself falling forward. Then black.

“I knew it, It had to have been Montague and Capulet Syndrome. Why didn’t I see it sooner?” I heard the doctor scold himself.

“You couldn’t have known until now” I heard what sounded like Y/N’s primary say.

“It’s just so rare… No endo would start with this… but I should’ve seen it as he started deteriorating.” Said Dr. Shaw.

I groaned, “Don’t beat yourself up,” as I tried to get up. I immediately felt hands all over me, including my brother..”Where’s Y/N?” I started to open my eyes to find three shocked doctors and my shocked brother.

“What?” I asked.

“How are you feeling, Dean?” asked Dr. Shaw.

“Like I got hit by a truck, why?” I asked.

The more I looked around I realized that I was in a hospital bed, in Y/N’s hospital room. When I looked at my body I saw that there was an I.V leading from me to  a giant machine and back to Y/N.

“How long was I out for? A few hours, and what is this?” I asked as I held my arm.

“Dean, it’s been three days.” said Sam.

“I can’t believe that worked” said Dr. Shaw.

“Wanna fill me in, doc?” I asked.

“ I know what you both have. You both have different forms of the same disorder, it’s called Montague and Capulet Syndrome.”

“Like Romeo and Juliet? How romantic.” I scoffed.

“That’s what it’s named after, yes. But it’s a disorder that only happens to 1 in 1,000,000 couples who are Alpha and Omega. Once an Alpha finds their Omega a pheromone called ‘setatonine’ is released. They are released in small amounts and the Omega releases ‘metatonine’ in response, this is what creates the attraction between an Alpha and an Omega. In true mates, which is still only a theory, these pheromones are released in even larger amounts. This causes an unbreakable bond that must be solidified. But in this disorder, when the true mate is found not only are these two, relatively harmless pheromones released, but another is released as well. A hormone called ‘lectomine’ is released in various amounts. This lectomine is a very lethal hormone when given in large doses, it causes what’s known as  “sleeping beauty paralysis” for Omegas and “the red death” in Alphas. Which is why your vomit had blood in it and your body was sweating so much, eventually you would have started sweating your own blood. Then eventually…”

“Death.” I completed.

“Yes.”

“Great so what does this do?” I asked as I looked at the I.V.

“The only way to stop the progression of the Syndrome in both of you was to clean your blood and reduce them to their plasma, then to insert each other’s plasma into the other. That’s what that machine does.”

“So why am I only up? Why isn’t Y/N up?” I asked.

“It takes longer in Omegas.” said the Doctor.

I then sat up and looked to the doctor as I said, “Is my Omega ever waking up?”

“I don’t know” said Dr. Shaw.

It was then that I heard Y/N’s heart monitor begin to crash.

My head snapped to her and I immediately went to get up, Sam was rushed out of the room.

Dr. Shaw blocked me as the other nurses came in with a crash cart.

“Y/N!” I screamed, “BABY, Get up, please!”

I started to thrash as the doctors began to flood in and tie me down as the crash team worked on Y/N.

“Y/N! YOU PROMISED YOU’D COME BACK!” I screamed. After a few minutes I heard it.

“Time of death 15:42pm 12th of September, 2017.” I heard Dr. Shaw state.

“NO, Y/N!” I screamed as they started taking off all the equipment.

“Y/N! COME BACK! Y/N!!” I screamed as I began to sob.

“Y/N/N!”

Still nothing…

“Y/N!”

The doctor looked at me and said, “Dean.”

“NO! NO, she isn’t dead, Y/N! ANSWER ME!” I screamed…

Nothing…

“OMEGA!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, just as they were going to cover her face.

Then I heard a gasp, when I looked over Y/N’s eyes searched for me as she thrashed in the bed “Alpha? Alpha?!”

It was then that I thrashed even more at the restraints, so much so that I ripped them off of the table and I practically ran to her.

As soon as she felt my touch she relaxed, “I’m here, Omega, I’m here… God, I love you so much, I’m so sorry, I love you.” I began to tear up and cry into the crown of her head as everyone stood shocked… I finally had Y/N back.

I then heard Sam push his way through the doctors and I looked up at him, “She’s back, she’s right here.”

Immediately Sam made a b-line to her and grabbed her as he cried. When I looked at the doctor, he was in utter shock.

“This is impossible, she was dead for…” Said the doctor, I cut him off with.

“You obviously don’t know Y/N. She’d do anything for the people she loves, even come back to life.” I said as I turned back to Y/N.

“Dean” I heard her say ever so faintly and I immediately went to her side.

“I’m here, I’m here.” I said as I cradled her. She made room in her bed and I immediately laid down with her.

After the doctors got us back on monitors and all of our I.V.’s out the doctor agreed to keep us for 48 hours for observation then we’d be released.

I just can’t wait to take her home.

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