#and i almost always can't
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I am having a very bad day
The things that I was excited for disappointed me and now im overstimulated and i don't even have energy to cry and have tantrums even though i feel like i need those
And also my friend, that is kinda a father/big brother figure, my safe person (who also calls me his son) told me that he has other "kids" besides me and that made me irrationally sad because I wanted to feel special at least once, be someone's "THE person", someone to feel the same "I could never find another you" like i feel with them. And. I know that Im stupid for feeling those things, but im so upset and I hate myself for that and I don't even have anyone who can calm me down amd I feel so alone and sad and I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this!!!!!!!!!!!
#vent#I want a cg so bad...#I want to not feel alone#for someone to take care of me when i can't do that myself#and i almost always can't#i hate myself#i hate being like that#i hate this body#and this stupid brain
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CROWLEY SSR THOUGHTS
there is zero basis for this, but I can't get this thought of my head
I don't know why I decided to draw it this way
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#(these will be relevant in a moment)#this isn't going to happen. but WHAT IF.#anyway i didn't get him (damnit birdman come home) so i had to look up his story#and let me tell you friends my findings were SHOCKING#crowley canonically likes vegetables which means that the crowley is revaan theory = BUSTED#crowley is sailor venus = CONFIRMED#(i know 'whip of love' is a saying but that's where my mind always goes)#DISCLAIMER: this is (mostly) a joke please continue to hold whatever theories and headcanons you want#but look. c'mon. look over here at this whiteboard i've covered in red yarn.#revaan being a picky eater has come up multiple times and there is an entire whole bit about how much he hated jerky and refused to eat it#and now they've made a point of talking about how crowley will eat almost anything and loOoOoves wild game meat especially#it's SO stupid but i can't help but read way too much into it#(this is tumblr if you don't want to see incredibly stupid overanalysis of anime guys then why are you HERE)#and i gotta hold on to something because otherwise whenever malleus and crowley are onscreen together i just keep going 'same hair color...#unless this is like. some kind of deep cover thing.#lilia doesn't recognize him because he saw him eat a green bean once and revaan would NEVER#crowley's secret is safe for another day#(serious hat on: i do think they're probably connected in some way)#(but there's something deeper going on that we're just not clued into yet that will hopefully explain things)#man forget revaan what if crowley whips off his mask and it turns out he was meleanor this whole time#wait hold on meleanor loves jerky. IT ALL FITS...
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new terrible woman unlocked i'm very excited
#ramble#bg3#baldur's gate 3#tav#this one is maybe my most self indulgent tav#she's been my dnd character for almost 4 years and i love her#i was always going to play her after cyra but the timing lined up with her leaving my current campaign#she's also one of the characters in my grad film!!!#she's a treasure i can't wait to draw her#in my canon her hair is a mess and she's absolutely filthy
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cutie moments during Ephemeral Gaze soundcheck 😌💘 [240901 WANT / SITA]
#shinee#taemin#lee taemin#shine taemin#ephemeral gaze#sexy in the air#want#dailyshinee#kpopccc#ksoloists#smsource#kpopstages#speakofgifs#wow i haven't giffed in a while i almost forgot how heh~#not gonna lie.. it's been stressing me out. i can't keep up idk how yall gif so quickly :')) but cutie taemin moments are always fun#gotta make something for key's comback or i'll feel like i betrayed him <33 i am SOOOO excited. the concept/album looks and sounds amazing#and the brief sneak-peek i let myself have of his performance of pleasure shop looked so fun! I'm glad he's going party bop. does them well
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I sure fucking love it when they do the thing :')
#the fact that they both almost fall because they had linked arms is also glorious ahfnhsg#i'm watching the films now and i'm LOVING it#i see why basil rathbone is so many people's true holmes :')#(tho the hound of the baskervilles is not the most holmes centric story)#but i see it. he's an EXCELLENT holmes#i think mine will always be jeremy brett but i can't look down on any holmes :')#i love him <3#angel talks#the hound of the baskervilles 1939#basil rathbone#sherlock holmes
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Day 5 - caf since my scribbles can be totally illegible, here’s a transcript Obi-Wan: Here you go, Cody Cody: Oh, thanks, sir Cody: this... it’s caf? Obi-Wan: Ah, yes! I’ve noticed my teas are not really to your tastes, so I stocked up some caf for you instead! I hope it’s okay Cody: ... oh Cody: ...thank you.
#codywan#obi wan kenobi#commander cody#star wars#tcw#starwarstober23#little comic#I absolutely love the trope of them doing flimsiwork together and drinkin tea and caf#and Cody doesn't really like the teas Obi-Wan gives him but drinks them anyway because no one has EVER offered him something like that#and he'd rather jump out of an airlock than hurt Obi-Wan's feelings#so he sucks it up and drinks it and maybe even almost likes one blend or two#but ofc Obi-Wan notices at some point that Cody obviously isn't a big fan of teas so he'll get him caf instead#and if Cody already marveled at someone offering him something like tea this is a whole another level#a cup of caf is practically a love letter to Cody#I love them so much#codywan every day all the time#THEM#idiots in love#I also always struggle with coloring comics like do I color them or not????? so they end up colored kinda in this half-assed way usually#also if it hasn't become clear yet I can't draw backgrounds and struggle with that too so everything always takes place in some weird LIMBO#my arts
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took the boys sight-seeing 🌼💛
#cod#call of duty#my dolls#they almost fell off a ledge to their deaths but its fine I saved them I'm a good parent I swear ✋#simon's allergies must be acting up because he kept toppling#johnny can't stand straight haha gay as always~
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Happy Valentine's Day! (and this blog's first post anniversary!)
#poorly drawn mdzs#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#Woah...it's been a whole *year* since I took the leap and uploaded my 'first attempt' art.#It's outdated now but it holds a special place in my heart for the fact it started all of this off.#Calling this 'poorly-drawn' was always about accepting that my art was going to be imperfect and messy - and doing it anyways!#There has been a staggering number of times I have drawn something I almost didn't upload because I didn't think it was 'good enough'#only for someone to say they liked it - or that it made them laugh. And it has helped me realize -#-The worst critic for my work has always been myself. If I listened to it all the time...well we would not be here now B'*)#And now that I have dabbled in other fandoms I can truly see how lucky was to start out with the MXTX fans.#The supportive messages and tags have truly been a guiding force toward my artistic and self improvement.#I really can't describe how grateful I am.#Thank you for seeing something worth rooting for when I was just figuring things out.#Thank you for being sweeter than the candy I have strategically hidden in the nooks and crannies of this house.#But watch out! If you forget to find them we will get ants.#I remembered to not hide chocolate in the bed this year. Yes I know it melted last time. Yes it did stain. I'm still sorry.#Thank you for loving me regardless <3 Even if it looked like I shit the bed real bad.
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Whilst overall I prefer the manga to the anime, there's one aspect that I think the anime does better - the very ending.
Compared to the manga's very compactly shown thoughts of the cast, the anime gives each of them a short scene.
But although that change already is great, what matters to me the most, is this added scene of Saiko.
Despite it being so short, it feels so fitting and important to Saiko's character, making its absence in the original seem wrong. (They also added Rifuta, though comparatively, her scene isn't so significant.)
#saiki kusuo#saiko meteori#rifuta imu#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k#i'm sure people must've said this before but i always think about this when reading through 281#although i prefer the anime's version i also think the original has its merits#i feel like putting (almost) all of the words/thoughts in one panel puts more focus on kusuo's feelings#and it also nicely shows how recognizable the characters are just by how they talk#but i think showing the characters one last time before the end works better as a send-off#(plus it works better visually for the anime)#and i'm glad the anime remembered about imu and saiko#this scene works well as a 'conclusion/ending' of sorts for saiko (though naturally it'd be better if there was more)#it'd feel more incomplete without it#the anime also added small bits of dialogue here such as toritsuka thinking “ i know you can't hear me” which is also a nice touch#i really like the epilogue and i find the anime's adaptation of it the best part of the anime#the anime rarely adds things; it mostly removes stuff#there are few added scenes in earlier seasons but it's really not as noticeable as the things they cut/shortened#but because the epilogue has a whole episode to itself - the pacing is much better allowing them to add additional stuff#on top of already adapting the manga well#ended up going on a small ramble by accident
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when your main characters start dating after years of writing so they finally get to be like this
#rare WIP preview from me#this is in like. 10 episodes. lmfao#its been really hard working this far ahead#my editor isnt giving me any feedback and my friends are very busy so it's felt quite lonely#which is fine! for my friends I mean. but its my editors job to give me feedback...#but the webtoon editors are extremely extremely extremely overworked and my series is set to end so I understand its low priority#its not her fault its webtoons fault. however. its still demotivating...#oh well l m a o#I should be much further ahead ngl LMFAO I want like 12 done but I come back in 2 weeks.#we'll see#when I get really stressed out I go full gamer mode#and usually I'll sink like 60 hours (like 5 days) into a game and then I'm good and move on#but this recent game that grabbed me is. its too much actually#bit uncontrollable ngl I think its an ADHD thing I mostly have just quit playing videogames at all#cause its like yeah being stressed cause theres too much work to do is not going to be helped by losing a week and a half to a game...#and yet.#anyways the game is satisfactory#my friend bought it for me and we've been playing together#and our shared file has. 100 hours on it. and we still havent beaten the game#we're close to beating it and it's not like we're rushing or anything#cause its fun to fuck around and zap eachother or whatever#but it's got me doing math. the exact kind of math I love to do. optimization#and its reminding me yeah in another life id have been an engineer#I'm glad I'm an artist but its always weird like yeah this is easily a path I could have gone down#'artists hate math' speak for yourself doing math calms me down! I love math!#I love math and I love business. I'm almost the perfect artist but I hate advertising so. we can't have it all#anyways theyre so fucking cute its sickening. I love them so much. I could cry#WIP#lineart#time and time again
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no thoughts just Heiji Hattori (HD)
#detective conan#case closed#amv#my amvs#eye strain#heiji hattori#harley hartwell#conan edogawa#shinichi kudo#funimation english dub script#video#happy two-year anniversary to 'no thoughts just heiji hattori'!#while it's not my first amv (it's maybe my... fifth?)#it was the first one i made with davinci resolve and the amv that really got me into editing amvs for real#it's the amv that made me believe i could make amvs 🥺#and in remastering it i deeply understood how ambitious it was! i thought i did a lot of audio mixing for 'messed up'#but that's not even close to all the audio mixing i did here--cannot believe that i did all this for my first big amv project#it took about 20 hours *just* to remaster!#which is something i've been meaning to do for a while now so i'm very happy to finally share the results!#to make this a 'remaster' and not a 'redo' the only changes i tried to make were to the source footage and audio#video now uses almost entirely hd remastered footage from my blu-rays or netflix rather than my dvds#but oh gosh was it *hard* not to touch anything else! i'd do so many things differently now#but this video will always be really special to me (and i can't believe i did it at all tbh!)#i hope seeing it in hd is fun too! i'm so blown away by all the love this vid's gotten#and that it helped increase interest in funi's old english dub is amazing and 100% what i was trying to do with it!#thank you everyone for all the support <333 i wouldn't be the video editor i am today without this vid or your encouragement for it <3333#like the original the sources used are mostly from what funi dubbed (but mixed in hd by me!): eps 48-49 57-58 77-78 117 and 118 and movie 3#but i also used episodes 141-142 174 189 239 263 277 291 293 345 479 491 517 and 522#and ova 3 and tv special 6 (episode one) and movies 10 and 13 and ops 27 31 and 33 and the funi 5.2 dvd blooper for the one line lol#the song is 'you're stupid aren't you' by toshio masuda (from jubei-chan 2)
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various jrwi doodles i don't want to put as their own post + wips i'm. probably never gonna finish!
may revisit some of these wips at a later time, but for now they shall rest here.!
#jrwi#jrwi art#jrwi riptide#jrwi chip#jrwi niklaus#genuinely so proud of the exandroth-as-rumi design so i'll almost certainly be revisiting it#i just can't finish it on the drawing program i made that on#not gonna tag any other characters since none of those are finished but. idc if anyone else wants to add their tags.!#gorvamp art#<- i always forget to add that. augh
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I am once again emotional about Riz Gukgak, this time because he is (as far as we know) the only Bad Kid actively thinking about the group's future together. The entire plot of The Seven was the Seven Maidens fighting tooth and nail to all graduate together and remain an adventuring party, but as Junior Year kicks off, Riz is the only one we see trying to chart a course for the whole group.
This doesn't mean the other Bad Kids don't care! Of course they do!! All of them have big things to deal with, be it breakups or a lack of parental figures or a lack of direction or a lack of money, the list goes on. But as the future looms ever nearer, Riz is the only one we've seen thus far thinking about everyone's future together, not just his own.
"The years will go by, and everyone will find someone that matters more to them than you."
It can be hard to be the friend that always makes the plans. It can be hard to be the friend who's constantly reaching out first, who's always the one facilitating hangouts, who's always taking charge because (especially as you get older and your time becomes less structured) without someone taking the wheel, the gang won't be getting together for weeks at a time, if at all. None of this means the gang doesn't want to spend time together, just that as you age, it takes more effort to make happen. and more often than not, it tends to fall on one person to see that through.
And even though you love your friends, even though you know the work is worth it, even though the work itself is your love language, it can sometimes feel like none of them care as much as you do. Whether or not it's true, sometimes it feels like, if you just stopped trying, no one else would pick up the slack, because it doesn't matter to them the way it matters to you.
"Why do you think your friends keep you around, Riz Gukgak? If it had not been for detention on your first day of school, and for you to solve this little mystery, do you think they'd look at you as someone they can truly understand? Or are you just a funny little thing that finds the clues?"
At the end of the day, the Bad Kids love each other. These friendships are meaningful and important, and they all put effort into taking care of each other. Riz is the little shrimp (honorific)(affectionate) of his crew because he belongs, not because he's simply tolerated.
But like he told his mom before Boys Night, he has a hard time relating to them when there's not a problem to solve. As he told his dad, he feels the distance between himself and the group as someone who doesn't get the hype around getting their kisses in. Work is his love language. And if he can do this— lay out the pieces, solve the puzzle, do the work to make sure that there's a future for all of them as a team— then he can prove he's worth keeping around.
Right?
#Dimension 20#Riz Gukgak#Fantasy High Junior Year#d20 fhjy#fhjy#Fantasy High#sometimes love is work! almost all the time love is work actually!!!#and yeah it's nice when it feels like other people are putting the same level of effort in but that's not always possible and that's okay#all that being said I can't wait for the conflict that's gonna come from this let's GO
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Random hcs that have been on my mind for the past couple days: now in doodle format!
Text for each drawing written out under the cut in case it's not clear or anyone wants to translate it!
(1) <- Somehow soft?? <-Sometimes makes a comforting hum/rumble <-Holding for support
(2) <-Walks so quietly everywhere he goes <-Is about to meet god
(3) <-Can't see well in the dark (no eyelights) <-Can't help himself
(4) <-Thinks Color will turn Killer against him and convince him to run away
(5) <-Thinks Nightmare is using them all for the negativity and has brainwashed Killer into liking it
(6) <-Thinks if he runs and jumps at Cross as fast as he can Cross will lift him and it'll look so cool
#UTDR#UTMV#My Art#Horror Sans#Nightmare Sans#Color Sans#Killer Sans#These are all kinda random but at least I got something drawn today!!#I do really love the hc of Horror having that slasher movement about him#Because I have it too and I wanna share it with him#I can't stop scaring the people around me by entering rooms or walking up to them and I think he should have that too#It's almost always unintentional and scares him too when they suddenly yell#But sometimes... sometimes it's for funsies#Killer refuses to use a light of any kind even when he can't see so he's kind of asking for it#Also this is the short version of how I think Color and Nightmare are in a dadmare situation#They still have beef but it's like. they're both paranoid#They both think the other is gonna convince Killer to never see them again but it never happens#Maybe it gets resolved in some way but that's for another post#Also HorrorDust cuddles#Because that's the kind of nap I wanted to have earlier so I'm living vicariously through Dust#Also my first time trying to draw XChara! I hope I did okay!!#Trying to incorporate them into things slowly for Wick#Anyway I need to consider sleep goodnight gang!! :D
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my personal headcanon is the vees were unremarkable nobodies when they were alive. i just love it as a thematic throughline for them. they love to let the public of hell speculate on them being famed and acclaimed since before death, but the the truth is they were a d-list failed influencer that got by on cheap controversey and scamming, a broke junkie who burned every shaky bridge he ever had, and a worn-out broadcast production assistant with more rejected auditions and tossed out script pitches than he could count. nobody missed them when they were gone, nobody cared who they were until they were dead.
#because villains who didn't start off supremely powerful are more interesting to me#vees#it's not that they CAN'T be better. or that they're simply ignorant of the ways they fuck up others lives#they actually all do have that knowledge of being the underdog. and it's made them all the more shitty#because they never want to be those people again#narratives about people who make each other worse <3#to be clear they were still shitty people in life. manipulative. consumed by greed and envy. all their individual flaws etc etc#but hell made them into the absolute worst versions of themselves#of course what their Worst Self is and the journey/length of time/initial reaction to being in hell varies#like val sees hell as a continuation of the things happening in life. just w/ the power dynamics always privileging him#it's the same drugs and violence. except the violence isn't just survival anymore but the chance to indulge his deeply sadistic desires#vox has completely dissociated from his time alive. that person is dead and he's reinvented himself 1000 times over since then#90% of the time he has those memory files shoveled into a hidden directory#he refuses to acknowledge that he's still haunted by some of the same insecurities from almost a century ago#val doesn't necessarily see his living self in a fond light but he does see that person as fundamentally him#velvette thinks life was full of people who weren't her demographic but fortunately that's been fixed by sinners!#they just couldn't Get Her and that was all their faults#the primary way they view their past selves can be summed up as: scorn (vox) apathy (valentino) and in denial (velvette)#sorry the bulk of the post was in the tags. i will be doing this again#the scorn is the coping mechanism for shame. of course
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Went to see the 15th anniversary of Coraline with my lil one and my parents. It was just as beautiful as I remembered seeing it the first time on the big screen. The theater was packed too! With a whole new generation of children being amazed by the wonders of stop motion and fantastic horror.
#coraline#it was a great birthday#its me and my niece favorite movie! she used to watch it almost every other night when she was small#watching people watch things i love for the first time always brings this level of happiness i can't measure
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