#and i CANT change my mind so everything going according to plan)

[asstrongasyouthink]

#oh this hits#im happy being a man but i would like to be able to claim motherhood#without either (in General Opinion obvs not reality)#undermining my identity as a man#or saying that giving birth or being primary parent is inherently a woman thing#you can be a mother and not do those things AND you can do them and not be a mother!!#but like. what if i also as a man. do them and am a mother and wife.

so up to about 2019 parenthood was like. the next step on my path and explicitly what i was organizing everything i was doing around. and *hysterical laughter* i'm a different path now. so fun. love life i learn so much.

anyway

i spent most of the several years before THAT contemplating this basically non stop and i still think about it a lot. growing up i never wanted to have kids. i resented my parents for having me, basically, and i thought bringing a person into existence was a mean thing to do to them. then i got a little older and my mom... stopped being a shitty parent? it was mind boggling really. and i got a little older than that and i realized you could be a good parent from day one and not wait until your kid is in their 20s to admit youd made a mistake or two along the way. and then i did want to be a parent but only as a mom (i still havent seen any great models of fatherhood in my personal life or among my close friends which is definitely showing up here) and then i just fixated around the clock about whether it would be like. fair. to the child to get them to call me mom and end up placing them between me and the rest of the world which is just not going to be chill about a mom with a full beard. and especially since i wouldnt have been giving birth i didnt know if i could ever get anyone to grok me as a mom anyway. and if my family would ever believe i was male again. and

A thing that a lot of people miss in conversations about transition is that like, lots of nonbinary people absolutely have strong gender dysphoria, lots of agender people have dysphoria, lots of gender fluid people have dysphoria, etc, and it's not always a type of dysphoria that transition with hormones or surgery can solve but that doesn't make it any less real. Medical transition is worth trying for many! I will never stop extolling the virtues of T and the numerous positives that it brought to me and so many others. At the same time, if you don't feel comfortable in your embodiment or your assigned gender role but would also feel deeply uncomfortable in the embodiment and role that hormones or surgery would generally get you, you have a kind of dysphoria that cannot easily be cured! you might be kinda low-grade miserable with either option and still exhibit all the same negative consequences that any other dysphoric trans people do when they are not able to transition, and that suffering merits consideration. it's not less serious a form of dysphoria just because it doesn't have a "solution".

of course, this isn't an exclusively nonbinary thing, and of course it is possible for a person to seek gender-affirming care that is very boundary-breaking and gender-fucky and unique (and many """"binary""" trans people use those methods too), and those options are all great. but there is a sincere dysphoria felt by those of us who just... aren't at home in a human gendered embodiment at all. and sometimes becoming a different type of human just doesn't nip that in the bud and never can. it's still dysphoria.

[zaidthefeederist]

Giving in to gluttony : A fit to fat story (part 1)

We were both at the gym after work just like most days. This is where we first met. I saw you on the squat rack and was enamored by your beauty (and the perfect ass you had definitely helped). I approached you and we went on a date and had been dating since then. Though we both were fitness freaks (i still am) there's a part of me i haven't told you about. A part of me that would rather have you tied up in my bed sporting a fat belly so big it hangs to your knees. I've kept it in check for as long as i can, you had only gained 10 pounds in our 4 months together and a lot of that has been muscle definition since we started working out. Today however, it all changes. One faithful injury changes everything.

"This….freaking….sucks" I say grumpy as I sit next to you in the car. We just came back from the first aid room. I look at my leg and shake my head "no lifting, no cardio…and no rock climbing for 6 months?!" I cross my arms and sigh "That also means I really have to watch what I eat…else I end up like one of those fat girls at the gym" The other day we had been making jokes about a chubby girl that was struggling to do basic cardio

"god i know baby, its not fair at all. Not having you at the gym is going to make me lose all my motivation, not to mention who else will i make fun of the fatties with" i look to you after we both laugh to ourselves.."dont worry though babe. ill take good care of you, You know i've been making myself a better and better cook. Ill make sure your diet goes exactly according to plan.." i say as i keep my hand on your toned thigh, giving it a rub and feeling ecstatic and the though of having a home bound girlfriend for 6 whole months.

**2 weeks later**

"im so bored" I sigh before taking another cookie that you made me. "Im usually at the gym right now" Another cookie goes into my stomach. I dont seem to notice the little bit of pudge that was pressing on to my waistband when I sat down like this. You had noticed that I did a lot of "boredom eating"…and recently…I had also started snacking when I was stressed or feeling a little down.

"Im done babe!" i yell, having baked another batch of cookies. The last 2 weeks have been heavenly. Turns out when liz is left to her own devices with nothing else to do, she becomes rather peckish. Its nothing insane yet but she'll never say no to a little treat every now and then. With the absence of the gym and with me making sure to always make every meal of hers just a bit more heavy, she's managed to maintain her weight at 140 pounds albeit with a major bonus. If before she was toned and slightly muscular, now shes lost her definition and is even developing a little pudge. I see her belly pressing against her waistband as she snacks on one of the cookies i made her and see it press further and further against the band as she makes the tray of cookies magically disappear.

You always made sure to take the plates away or split it in multiple portions, so I had no idea how much I was actually eating in a day. after finishing the third tray of cookies that day you see I am rubbing my belly…I was getting full and I hadn't even eaten a meal! "My tummy is a bit upset" I say as I rub it. "better drink something" I grab the glass of soda that you had brought me. I drink all of it in one go. "I can't believe this is actually sugar free" I say surprised "it tastes like one of those cheap soda's that is super b-BRUUAUUAUAAAAAAAAAP-ad " I look wide eyed and cover my mouth with a blush "s-sorry!"

"Haha that was pretty cool!" i say immediately so as to not make you think i dislike it. I cant let you know that youve given me a hard on with that deep nasty belch, at least not yet. "I don't mind babe" i say as i nuzzle in right next to you on the bed. "in fact if anything it lets me know you really enjoyed whatever i made for you so no need to apologize." i say as i keep my hand on your bloated stuffed belly, giving it a good rub. "I guess you reallly loved those cookies huh, hehe"

"I-I do" I say blushing as you rub my belly…it felt good, but it also made me a bit aware of the fact that I was softer now. "I mean…its just not very lady like to burp like that right?" I smile as you roll your eyes at me "BRUUAAAAP…ooohhff but it does make my tummy feel better"

I moan to myself making sure you don't hear me. "I'm glad you like them" i reply, both to your answer and to that big burp you let out. We spend a few more minutes like this with me rubbing your rounded gut, making you get used to the feeling, making you love my hands on your tummy, making you know i like those un-lady like burps. Im slowly easing your mind into its new state. The state of pure gluttony. Before i get up from bed i decide to try one more thing, i grab your belly and give it a hard pinch and lean up next to your ear "You were a good girl today, keep eating like this and soon you'll be like those fatties at the gym". I whispered it and said it in a teasing tone, but i could tell by your breathing…it did its job. My eyes go wide and my face goes dark red. Did he really just say that?…Is he making a joke?…why do I like him teasing and humiliating me?! I look down and my heart beats even faster, judging by the bulge in your pants…you really liked seeing me like this. "w-what?….a-are you trying to make me fat?" I ask in a soft voice. You just smile, gently kiss my belly before squeezing it again and leave with the empty plates…Am I really going to get fat?

[randomwriteronline]

I've been re-reading your notes on your Adoption AU and there's so many neat points.

The way each turaga bonds with and helps the kids, as well as the specifics. Like Nokama helping Gali find a way to vent her anger safely, and encouraging her to be angry in the first place. Or Vakama nonchalance to Tahu's declaration that he'll run off to find his siblings. "Sure, just let me kit you out first so that you can survive."

The body horror related to the Toa Mata's origins in this AU.

How you've adapted the Toa Metru's hordika transformations just gives me so many feelings. It's horrifying, and heartwarming in the ending. They only want to care about their kids and won't hurt them.

Velika is delightfully scary, as is Artakha.

The twist in the ending, how the Toa Mata unravel everything and didn't even intend it that way. Also the irony that Velika's plan likely would have failed like this ultimately even if everything else went according to her plans.

aAAAAAAA THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

im sososososo glad the kids n turaga are good i love them so much. at last i can lean entirely in the familial affection i want to project onto their canon counterparts without fucking it up. AND im happy taht the villains are fucking off putting despite in Velikas case being like, A Normal Woman while the protagonists are all weird ass pieces of cosmic horror disguised as ppl technically. i mean. as normal as she can be. AND YEAH IT WOULD HAVE ALL BEEN FOR NOTHING... thats both funny as hell and so so terrible.

ACTually i do have. a few more stuff i forgot to mention like KOPAKA ISNT COMATOSE FOR LIKE THE WHOLE SECOND HALF OF THE PLOT, when his sibs touch him he starts getting better and gets out of the hospital and stuff, he just has to, you know. get back in his body properly. because he was Snow for a hot second there

or when Tahu becomes fire Vakama throws himself in a blazing inferno and pulls him back out essentially through the beads Tahu made for him... or Nokama and Whenua throwing themselves into the ground/sea wading through it until they pull their kids out... or Matau holding onto Lewa's hand in the middle of a tornado...

OR. speaking of the hordika. i have two specific scenes that are so clear in my Mind

first one is shortly after Velika activated the trigger for the transformation and the Turaga scattered to keep the kids safe from them somehow, and Whenua manages to get Onua in a ventilation shaft. Onua ofc thinks his dad is coming along and starts panicking when Whenua fucking shuts it behind him (also bc hes scared of heights so yknow) and tries to reach for him through the grates but Whenua starts giving instructions on how to avoid HIM - he cant climb anywhere so the kids need to stay off the ground, he cant crane his neck but hes got good hearing, stay away from his back elgs bc theyre very strong and dangerous, etc. He tells Onua he's a smart boy and to keep his siblings safe and then he just keeps repeating that he loves him so so so so much as he goes through this horrendous change more and more violently until hes full on just a monstrous animal screaming and scraping at the wall trying to get to his son and Onua has to scuttle away in tears

and second one is later on, while the Turaga are in full pursuit. Pohatu is running away but hes distracted, so he falls down some stairs and gets hurt super badly - nothing broken but it hurts so much he straight up cant stand up or move for a little. and Onewa finds him (hes a big predator with so many Sharp Fucking Teeth) and approaches him quickly and Pohatu is bawling his eyes out bc his dad is going to MAUL HIM and then theres this huge tongue licking his face while Onewa whines inconsolably. hes like RED ALERT BABY HURT CLEAN BABY IMMEDIATELY and hes nudging him with his nose and whimpering trying to understand how to help him and hes laying down next to him with his big scary body curled up around him just Licking Him. Pohatu snaps out of shock like dad thats gross! thats gross!! thats gross... and he starts crying HARDER bc his dad loves him SO much even tho hes a big fuck off scary ass beast and hes been lookin out for him this whole time still... and then Onewa pulls him up by the scruff of his shirt and puts him on his back and they go around like that. and Velika is looking at that and going "HM. I MAY HAVE MISCALCULATED."

also Nuju def takes a bullet for his boy and Nokama absolutely jumps Velika the moment she comes close to her daughter and maybe lands a big fuckoff bite on her. and Gali kicks the fuck out of Velika for all of ten seconds when her mom is neutralized bc Nokama taught her well

[werewolfbarista]

@necrowyrm replied:

Tell me of them

im putting this under a readmore bc there's a lot more than i intended here BUT!!!!!!

ok so this . is aelyis my namesake the beloved weed dog just in homestuck form. she's a limeblood disguised as a burgundy and shes a prosthetics engineer (the reason she's making that face at sheepgirl in the second image is because she made her a VERY EXPENSIVE ROBO ARM!!!!! and she has LOST IT). lee is also a werewolf

lee is . everything 2 me fr. i dont super know where to start but my favorite always is her relationship w her horrible kismesis sacha (below, cw eye strain)

sacha's a purpleblood (and!! he's my boyfriend's oc!!). he used chucklevoodoos on lee and gaslit the FUCK out of her to manipulate her into basically being an attack dog . their entire relationship is based on making lee think she hates sacha in a pitch way because lee has a rly bad concept of. relationship stuff. so she gets feelings mixed up rly easy. anyway toxic yuri <333333333 also lee ate one of sacha's legs but it's fine. bc sacha was into it and was quite literally asking 4 it. i honestly have. so much for lee that i don't really know where to start i think she would need her own post..........

there's also . THESE TWO. the phantasm (formerly the sentinel) and the harlekin. they used to be matesprits, with the phantasm also serving as the auspistice between harlekin and their kismesis, a cerulean called the redshift (who i..... cant find the art for???? idk)

at one point the redshift decided he was sick of sentinel's interference and used his mind control powers to make harlekin kill sentinel-- which drove harls to go kill redshift in retaliation and then go on to live in isolation fucking wherever <333 the sentinel meanwhile didn't actually die, instead coming back as a rainbow drinker and changing her title to the phantasm. she haunts narratives nbd. harls can't bring themself to interact with fucking anyone anymore unless it's for bastardry bc they dont want a repeat of what happened with phantasm. they're haunted by what couldve been! what they did!!! etc etc!!!!! meanwhile the phantasm refuses to interact with harlekin bc, well. even though harlekin didnt technically kill her, it was still like. really fucked up. and it's absolutely not something she wants to face at this point!!!! that said she's a husk of her former self, feeling like she's got nothing else to really live for but not wanting to (or even being totally able to) die. all ive got is that, wherever she is, she's dodging work under the empire because she doesnt wanna know what theyre gonna want to do with a virtually immortal soldier. im considering having her be a member of a crew of space pirates one of my friends has CONSTRUCTED because i think itd be neat but im still working on it

oh! also, phantasm was the jade who got aelyis out of the brooding caverns. didn't want to see another lime grub culled off

then there's motlii (new spelling since i made the trollcall card)!!!!! motlii is the harlekin's descendant. im probably gonna rework some stuff but according to my. squints. five-ish year old lore, she was taken in by harlekin and phantasm after her lusus was killed by an orphaner. she used to look up to harlekin a great deal but not so much anymore now that she's grown up (harlekin is not nor were they ever a particularly good person). i don't really remember much else but i do plan to do more with her.........

this is another purpleblood of mine (i have..... so many now that im looking at them . ) lazili lives to entertain but she's also tired all the time. she does lots of gig work for funsies, and she's got a bit of a local following, but she doesnt do......much. probably my least violent troll purely because violence requires work that she's not really willing to put in

this is sukimi! i made him during yakuza brainrot awhile back. at this point in time he's an ex-troll-yakuza member, but he grew up in the troll yakuza and he's got every intention to go back later on.

he was taken in by an as-of-yet undesigned troll named himura, who's the head of her own family. she trained him and was basically a mother to him, but as he got older, she got afraid of the possibility of him succeeding her, so she gave him an impossible hit and, when he inevitably failed, she took off his pinkie and exiled him. suki still doesnt quite grasp that she sabotaged him, so right now the plan is to get stronger, take out the guy he was supposed to kill before, and then win his way back in that way. in all reality he's actually going to end up killing himura herself, usurping her position in the family, and then he's gonna rise up to be the chairman of their clan.

for now, though, he's just a bastard <3

finally, there's zarmik. he's my first real fantroll. ive scrapped most of what i had set up for him back in the day (i made him when i was like...... 12 or 13 so...............) but from what i remember!!! he's insanely casteist. just an absolute cunt. which is strange coming from a lowblood but yknow. alternia. he had a vacillating red/pitch relationship with a purpleblood who he ended up killing. fun stuff. may he one day get the proper rework he deserves

having an autism moment about my fantrolls :/

[llendrinall]

Hello. I hope you're having a wonderful day/night.

So I'm both a fan of HP and Marvel and I had the thought.

What if Percy left the wizarding world after Fred's death and somehow became friends with Tony (honestly one of my favourites characters) and stuck with him throughout the years and actually told him about magic (its an ongoing argument. "It's magic Tony." "No, Perce its not. Its just science I cant explain yet.") So after the snap Percy comes to Tony and tells him about his crazy idea to go back in time and stop the Purple testicle from killing half of everything. And Tony agrees. But instead of going back to 2010 (To prepare for the invasion) they both get sent to 1990 and proceed to try and fix everything terrible that happened from there. (You can make them fall in love if you want. Ik in my head they do but in the end im giving you artistic freedom for whatever you decide to add to this)

One day im actually planning on writing something like this but for now id love to read how you'd build this up.

Ha, I love that you end up saying that one day you will write it yourself, Marvel-anon, because that’s the answer. You have the story thought out and want it to go down a certain path whereas I… Well, I wrote my first HP fic out of spite to 80% of the fandom saying they wished they could go to Hogwarts. I tend to look at things askew so I’m not the best person to ask when you have something specific in mind.

Also, Tony Stark is a complex character suffering from very poor and inconsistent writing. RDJ’s performance is his only redeeming quality, because RDJ gives humanity to a self-absorbed jerk. My reading of Tony is probably quite different. I deeply dislike the genius millionaire. That character is a Venom villain and nothing else. Whereas the cursed genius with a cursed legacy who is only now learning to let go of his family’s baggage… yes, I can like that person.

Tony doesn’t care about magic. He might have cared for about a minute until Percy explained everything about the schools, the wands, the ministries and the international statute of secrecy. All that just goes to prove that magic is boring. That’s not magic. That’s people with powers, like the kids at Xavier’s school. Magic, actual magic as Tony understand it, is accidentally cursing yourself because you have very low self-esteem. Magic is arranging your tools a certain way so the Philips-head screwdriver isn’t offended and keeps dropping screws and sending them to dark dusty corners. Magic is performing a complicated ritual of offerings when writing code, like the techs at Stark enterprises do. What Percy does is just another kind of superpower.

Percy agrees.

What Tony really wants to know is where does Dr. Strange stand in all this. Why is he allowed to cavort around Brooklyn doing shiny spells while dear Percy is not?

The answer, of course, is racism. Each country is responsible for enforcing the statue of secrecy according to their own legislation. MACUSA forbade wand magic and all sorts of Native American magic and called it a day, completely forgetting that there are more countries and more magic practices. The idea that someone could skip proper western school as a child and then go to a foreign school as an adult didn’t even cross their minds. But that’s what happened. Dr. Strange isn’t even the first student to skip Ivermony. He got a letter of acceptance but the name didn’t ring any bells, the school didn’t seem to have a lacrosse program and he had already been accepted in a proper school with a legacy so his parents dismissed the offer. Dr. Strange is a wizard like any other, only he doesn’t use a wand.

Tony is assuaged. He even likes Strange better now that he knows that, in a way, he is annoying the government.

Then the snap happens and almost everyone is gone, including Strange.

Percy has the time travel idea. But the problem with changing the past is that you either become redundant, because you fix whatever motivated you to go back so you don’t go back so nothing is changed… or you succeed but create a parallel universe or two. Percy knows it. Tony knows it. They both refuse to see reason because both of them have to live with the weight of a guilty conscience.

Steve talks to them, to no avail. Bruce Banner talks to them and makes a lot of sense but it’s easy to ignore Bruce. Hermione talks to them. Scott talks to them and actually makes things worse. Pepper is the only one to make a dent. She and Tony’s one friend from summer school, Bruce (not to be confused with Bruce Banner).

Summer Camp Bruce is a kid who befriended Tony when they were both tiny geniuses from rich families in a summer camp for gifted (and not so gifted but definitely showing talent, ok maybe they were completely useless but they were rich) children from rich (to insulting rich, to I know my kid is an imbecile but let’s pretend he is not because I have lots of money) families. Summer Camp Bruce was dusted in the snap. That’s the most aggravating part, that he still foresaw Tony doing something stupid and left a series of “in the event of my death” notes to be sent periodically to Tony telling him to reconsider. As if Summer Camp Bruce had never made stupid decisions. At least Tony wasn’t missing for five years, presumed dead*.

Tony and Percy go to the past and they manage to learn by themselves that what happened, happened, and they have to live with who they are and what they did. It sucks. There should be a way to stop the abuse on Harry. There should be a way to stop Tom Riddle from growing into a murderous nihilist. There should be a way to stop Tony from using his talent to develop weapons.

But there isn’t. Not in this universe.

What they can do is grab the stones, bring them to the present, unsnap the snap and, since they have unlimited power, bring some extra people too, like Fred and a very confused Oh Yinsen and that kid with the silver head, Wandas’ brother. They can’t erase the past but they can make a better future.

Then Tony proceeds to keel over and die from the gauntlet.

Percy roars. He feels like he may throw up his own heart. He feels his blood is turning to stone. The earth shakes, his vision blurs and he only starts to breath when Tony jerks and opens his eyes, and that? That is the actual magic Tony was talking about. Pulling someone from the hands of death by sheer force of will and madness (and possibly love). Your hair turning white after you perform the miracle, except for one strand that keeps the red. Actual wizards looking shock and aghast. That is magic and Tony is going to study very closely for the rest of his life.

*If we are doing a crossover we may as well cross everything and bring Bruce Wayne to the mix.

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Tony Stark’s Daughter (The Intense Years)

Tony Stark x daughter!reader

warnings:

a/n: y/n is 16-17, also ive really never written anything about team iron man so this was weird, someone needs to tell me i dont need every single movie detail in here

prompt: takes place from cacw and smhc

The Early Years (1) The Teenage Years (2) The Aftermath (4) Continued (5)

after the events in sokovia, you set up the relief fund for displaced sokovians and dealt with physical clean up while the avengers...

well, they had to deal with the press—and the governments of the world

getting to know your new suit AI, JOSHUA

briefly looking for bruce; no luck there

you ended up doing the MIT september foundation presentation with tony

and ending the presentation after pepper’s name popped up on the screen

“it’s probably best we get out of here”

you were his entire support system while he was going through his break with pepper

meeting charles spencer’s mother, who really gave your dad a piece of her mind

“my son died, but your daughter gets to live on. if you lost her, maybe you’d show some sympathy for murdering my child”

*awkward silence from you*

*awkward silence from tony otw to the compound*

HATING the sound of the sokovia accords, yet understanding why they’re being ratified

being torn between signing them or not and having a huge argument with the other avengers

“y/n, why dont you listen to your dad for once and sign the damn thing”

“uncle rhodey, you know why i dont want to sign. if they have us, they have access to our suits. you really think the UN should be telling us how to use them?”

“your defense doesn’t even make sense. i had the war machine or iron patriot or whatever the hell you want to call it, but the military was calling the shots”

“and look where you are now”

“right, well i wouldn’t expect a kid to understand”

“are you kidding me, rhodes? you’re gonna play the ‘im older than you’ card?”

comforting wanda while she feared being taken

and as soon as you heard about what happened in lagos

“think about it, maximoff. if you didnt do what you did, do you know how many more casualties there may have been?”

“but i killed innocents”

“no, rumlow killed innocents. you contained that blast better than anyone else could have and you prevented a whole bunch of deaths, give yourself some credit”

okay, so you weren’t the best at talking someone down while they were upset

staying in berlin with your father while the whole bucky thing began to get sorted out

but he sent you out to stay with nat while he had some “private time” with steve

tony keeping you close to him during the power outage at the base

until it turned out you brought your suit and tony did not!

everyone was looking at you to take down bucky, but it just seemed like a bad idea, you didn’t want to hurt him because you didn’t want to hurt steve

stalling to try and buy steve time to subdue his friend

“y/n, come on, for christ sake!”

“got it, dad! i know what im doing!”

“i dont think you do!”

feeling your stomach drop when bucky shot into your dad’s hand, if it wasn’t for his latest invention, he may have gotten seriously hurt

you had a slight change of heart after that, you couldn’t bare to lose your dad. not after all those close calls...

getting yelled at by secretary ross and the wonderful 36 hour ultimatum you, nat, and tony received

“i have a plan”

“don’t say the spider boy”

“fine, i wont say it”

a nice trip to queens :)

when this parker kid finally got home, tony left you to socialize with his aunt

small talk is sometimes unbearable

“so, what’s it like being tony stark’s daughter?”

“honestly? im always tired”

peter becoming a tagalong on your mission, which you didn’t really think was appropriate

“dad, i dont really think we should’ve brought the kid...”

“why? you’re about the same age as him, its not much different”

“um...no, i meant this isnt his battle. i don’t care how old he is”

face off between tony and cap where you literally just swallowed all your pride and apologized because you couldn’t handle the fact that the team was being ripped apart like this

team ups with Spider-Man

“so, uh, do you hate me or something?”

“hey, kid? we’re kind of in the middle of something, i’ll get back to you on that”

“it’s a yes or no question, y/n”

“pass”

so, things didn’t exactly go as planned...

your (former) teammates were taken to the RAFT and you couldn’t pull it together in front of them

they were pretty pissed at you

“im sorry, im so sorry, i should’ve done better”

they ignored you (up until scott lang)

“all you stark’s are the same”

“stay out of this, bugboy”

taking to the remote hydra base in another famous father/daughter teamup

“just like the old days, right kiddo?”

“i guess so”

“hey, cheer up, it’s not all that bad”

waltzing right in there to meet your friend and foe

seeing the video of your grandparents dying

*being killed

absolutely stunned by seeing such a gruesome thing

even after all you’ve seen, this really got to you

you were robbed of ever meeting them, which made you angry, but you couldn’t stay angry because there were so many things out of everyones control

realizing that this was a good time to hold tony back

“JOSHUA, lock down y/n’s suit. protocol: baby gate”

apparently your dad still had some old protocols in your suit that you hadn’t found yet

“JOSHUA? reboot! override protocol: baby gate”

“i’m sorry, miss y/n, but i cannot do that”

watching your father attempt to get revenge

and get critically injured

simultaneously working on opening the suit back up for a bad plan

finally getting the emergency release and stumbling out of your suit, rushing towards the conflict and throwing yourself in the middle of it

“please, dad. enough damage has been done.”

“y/n, get out of the way”

he saw you shaking and crying and he realized what he was doing

attacking the only family you guys really had

getting shoved out of the way so that they could end this fight once and for all

JOSHUA finally rebooting and bringing the suit over to shield you while you helplessly watched the end of this fight

when bucky and steve left, your suit disarmed and you crouched down beside your father

“come on, let’s just go home”

“im sorry”

“i know, it’s okay”

trying to comfort your dad after his defeat

you picked up cap’s shield and returned to your suit, it was time to go home

after a brief time of recovery (while you helped work on uncle rhodey’s prototype prosthetics), there was a slight change of plans for you

“okay, so for your punishment after what you pulled during my...divorce with cap, you’re going to babysit the spiderling so you gain some perspective”

“hold on, what?! what do you mean ‘perspective?’”

“i mean you dont know what it’s like to be in charge of the life of a teenager, so now you get to find out! congratulations on your promotion!”

it was not fun at all because peter kept blowing up your phone and you kept having to tell him there was nothing for him to do

Y/N: I’ll let you know when there’s a spider-level threat, kapeesh?

P. Parker: Yes, ma’am, sorry.

peter going behind your back to do some “superhero work”

and you having to swoop in to fix everything last second

“come on, you stole my thunder, y/n!”

“no, peter, i saved your life. next time you have a lead, call me first”

and then he didn’t 😌✨💕

“Y/N, incoming call from ‘big fat meanie’”

“put him through, JOSHIE...hey dad, how’s dubai?”

“taking care of a kid is harder than it looks, isn’t it?”

“don’t start with me”

damage control ahahah 🤡

“peter, why cant you just call me in? you don’t stop texting me for months but for this you go radio silent? you almost died. and you put a bunch of lives in danger! do you want me to have to go to your aunt and tell her you died?”

“im sorry! i just...i dont want to be a sidekick”

“kid, you’re gonna have a long time to make a name for yourself...but not if you’re dead!”

he started crying and you were very uncomfortable so you tried to hug him? it helped.

letting him off easy (just like your dad did to you growing up)

but apparently tony came back and took the suit anyways and you were pretty pissed about it

avengers moving day :) yes, part of your punishment was helping happy with moving day and hearing him gush about how you were “growing into such a responsible adult”

“happy i dont know if you noticed but ive basically been an adult since i was 12”

“keep telling yourself that, kiddo”

seeing an explosion and immediately knowing it was peter

“i’ll see you later, happy, love you!”

investigating the crash site and whaddaya know, there’s peter and his first bad guy, you were kind of proud

“peter, you okay?”

“nope!”

“okay, cool”

more damage control lmao (a/n: yall sick of damage control yet?)

a congratulatory call from your dad

“hey! you did pretty good, all things considered. why don’t you take the kid to the avengers compound for his special surprise?”

“aye aye, see you soon.”

“love you, kiddo”

“you too, dad”

quick fast forward to peter rejecting the position as an avenger while the press was outside, yes, you were surprised

but then your dad finally proposed to pepper, it was a pretty cool engagement announcement

“y/n, will you be my maid of honor?”

“duh!”

happily ever after (a/n: until the next part is up)

[lovelyfinch]

my summary of ranboo’s story of his character from his stream

copied from my 5 page google doc i wrote instead of doing homework

this starts at the beginning and goes until 1hr 28 minutes into the stream

(i think i got basically everything he said)

joined the server, killed by dream, received a small tour from niki

the next day, he got a tour from tubbo, president of lmanburg. they talked about how ranboo was also running for president

shaped his first thoughts on lmanburg. that it was a good place.

finding michael with tubbo!

meets tommy! tommy tells him about george and ranboo agrees to burn down georges house (in order to not make enemies since he thought they had more than him)

niki and puffy were on a date and they tried to sneakily get past (asking niki for her armor, not suspicious at all)

tommy and ranboo grief georges house, accidentally burning it down. they ran from it, thinking they got away.

puffy asks if ranboo did it. ranboo couldn’t remember and doesn’t know why.

dream started building the walls on lmanburg

dream shows them georges house, destroyed. tommy gets blamed, ranboo is questioned bc puffy says she saw him. tubbo kills ranboo with the spoon (not canon)

the meeting hall to meet with dream. 

THE MINUTES MAN OF LMANBURG - tasked with taking the notes for the meeting

there was a pig man watching the meeting

the meeting did not go well. tommy brings out spirit against dream. dream played along but didn’t truly care, only caring for the disks.

tommy stood up for ranboo at the trial. they asked ranboo about it and he said his memory was bad but they cut him off. he never said he didnt remember the burning, only that his memory was bad.

being the minutes man gave him the idea to make the first Do Not Read book, writing who to trust and not trust

dream tubbo tommy quackity and fundy on the wall. tommy being taken away for some reason. the exile.

ranboo felt guilty because tommy wasn’t the only one who destroyed george’s house.

things in lmanburg were going great, he had a house and pets and was the minutes man and technically part of the cabinet

feeling guilty, he visits tommy in exile a few times. ranboo could tell something was off with him, with dream. so he wrote letters to tommy, trying to understand what he was going through in exile.

things were good, he built the ice cream shop with fundy

one day ranboo was approached whilst writing in his memory book. quackity tells him that techno is a traitor, the reason things are bad. and that they were gonna go get him and bring him to justice. which ranboo thought meant a trial and such.

the first butcher army meeting. ranboo is confused by it, the bloody butcher outfits. 

traitors are bad right? can’t have traitors

the butcher army went to technos place. ranboo shot a few arrows, maybe intentionally missing “he is a person still”

q gets carl and so techno agrees to go with the army

the execution. no trial. techno gets executed but survived.

phil, who saved ranboo from lava, who ranboo liked, gets put on house arrest. phil is mad at the army but ranboo was saying how he didnt think itd just be an execution. so the two are on even/neutral grounds.

ranboo talks to ghostbur, who calls him an aaron burr. they go to the snow, to technos. techno immediately tries to kill ranboo, who was just part of the butcher army. threatens him until he gives back all his armor.

tommy was at technos too. with techno. ranboo is surprised and writes it in his memory book.

ranboo goes back to lmanburg. realizes he just betrayed the entire butcher army by giving the armor back and saying he doesnt know where tommy is.

he kept seeing techno and tommy around lmanburg with dogs for some reason

he was kind of on both sides, techno/tommys and lmanburgs. he doesnt want to choose so he decides to help everyone

the festival plan to try to kill dream. ranboo spent time making festival games (the trident game!)

dream arrives and starts building the wall again

before the festival ranboo met with techno and tommy.

the community house was blown up. gone. 

according to dream it was techno and tommy.

dream says hes gonna blow up lmanburg again. techno joins him. blow it all the way to bedrock.

dream calls ranboo out as a traitor in front of everyone. dream has ranboos book. the first memory book. which ranboo had lost a few days prior, and found somewhere he didn’t put it. it had been moved. dream gives it to tubbo

THE PANIC ROOM. a place for him to think. the water outside providing a white noise. 

ranboo realizes that he kept choosing sides. he decides to choose people.

ranboo wonders how dream had his memory book

he checks the memory book and just finds the smile. the first smile. “all that was left is a smile”

that book becomes the second memory book.

the destruction of lmanburg on the horizon, they band together to attempt to stop it.

he speaks out. there are lots of people watching him

eye contact. he lashes out at people, as his judgement is impaired

he goes back to the panic room

the dream voice. a voice that is him but sounds like dream. it tells him that by trying to help everyone he has just betrayed everyone. ranboo doesn’t believe the voice because all he did was give techno his armor under pressure, right?

he decides the best thing to do is help the people who have helped him. lmanburg. 

but the first memory book is still missing

“it was time for doomsday”

they thought they still had time to save lmanburg. but then they heard explosions and withers.

lmanburg. “it was falling. it was gone”

people were suddenly switching sides and in the chaos of the destruction ranboo hears techno ask “what’s this do not read book”

ranboo runs to techno to get the book, techno has it. techno gave him the book and told him to get out of there, that he has no issue with him. techno showed ranboo mercy when he could have killed him

ranboo doesnt know where he stands with the destruction of lmanburg. so he watched. “watched as lmanburg fell”

he talks with fundy, with quackity, after the fall. fundy seemed off. quackity seemed to forgive ranboo, having read the book and changed his mind.

ranboo didn’t know what to do

“someone came in and asked me if i was okay. phil. phil realized that when he blew up everything” that ranboo was one of the few who lived in lmanburg and had no more home. phil offers him a place to stay, with him and techno

the situation is awkward at first but they get through it

MELLOHI

ranboo hears mellohi. “a disk from somewhere far away” “it was from the panic room”

he goes back to the panic room. “why was i hearing this from all the way over there” and takes out the disk. but then “an old friend came back. the voice.” 

but this time with more to say. that he was more of a traitor than he thought. the voice tells him that he has been helping dream the entire time. but that he just didn’t remember that. that he had something to do with the community house and other things on the server.

the voice wasnt dream. it was what he thought was himself trying to fill the gaps with memories.

he denies the voices claims. “you have no proof”

the voice says to mine an obsidian block. behind it are two pieces of tnt. 

he still doesnt believe the voice

ranboo is very confused. did he do it? did he not?

the disk war. tommy and tubbo had begun to prepare.

“the disks were very important right?”

“and then i just… lived. for a while.”

“for the first time in a while, happy. and that was good”

and so he decides that he is done. “done with living in fear of the dream voice”

and so he goes to the dream voice

“the dream voice said, hey? you literally have a disk”

“there’s no way i could have a disk right?”

but the voice says that he hid it. he met with dream. so he searched. and he found a disk. the disk. in a chest under his house. 

“so then i realized. something’s going on. there must be a reason why i cant remember these visits with dream, right?”

he “had been sleepwalking of sorts but that was a problem for another day”

time for the disk war. everyone thought that both tommy and tubbo would die

(he forgets what happens next? canon? idk)

dream was now in prison.

he decides to call the sleepwalking state enderwalking

everything was good. except the egg, but “we don’t gotta care about that”

ranboo has the “good idea�� to visit dream

so he visits the prison. everything went normally. except “dream told me exactly what i didnt want to hear. apparently i had been visiting dream. i had been talking to dream.”

“and apparently i was one of his best friends”

and dream hands him his own memory book. the entire chest was filled with memory books.

“dream disappeared. and the prison started to crumble. and i guess the entire prison visit was just the dream voice but even worse”

so he didnt know what to do “i guess i’ll keep my head down. i didn’t really do much during that time”

but he needed to visit the prison again. “for real. to actually get closure”

he gets in to the lobby. sam asks his questions. and asks when the last time he visited. “and of course i havent visited before. so i said this is my first time.” and sam said “very funny” and tells him he has visited before. 

“i had technically visited the prison in the enderwalk. i asked sam to show me the books and they were written in ender”

he looked through the memory books, the three he had now. nothing showed that he had visited before. “there must have been a fourth book”

“i dont know what the fourth book is. and i still dont know where it is to this day”

“the fourth book wasnt a memory book. it was a book of the enderwalk” so he’s searching for it

he tried but nothing worked.

“i guess i was just kind of living. i noticed my tools on lower durability and my beacon had gone missing”

“the best thing to do is just live”

visiting snowchester a lot

done cool things with techno. techno was his friend now

“i was happy”

building the bee n boo, got married for tax reasons. 

the news. “after saving michael we got news. tommy had died. tommy was dead.”

the grieving stage.

one day ranboo decided to just relax. and then he sees niki. “what was niki doing at me techno and phils house?”

decided to be “extra stealthy” and watch out the window

techno asks him about anarchy, and ranboo says “that sounds good”

ranboo “had become part of something called the syndicate” which seemed to be for conflict resolution

tells the syndicate tommy died

tommy was alive? “somehow tommy was still alive. how? how is that possible?” 

and then something happened. ranboo gets brought to a room. with two shrines and a hallway. with everything people value.

he started to remember. to hear things. 

“so dream had a revive book. he was trying to control the server by using everyones loved things against them”

he doesnt remember when punz and everyone came and saved tommy and tubbo from being killed by dream

dream had to be stopped “before he could bring back the villains”

he has michael to protect now

tommy approaches while he is with tubbo. and ranboo agrees with tommy. they build that tower

talks with ghostbur “and he seemed like he didnt want to go, which was interesting”

“so right now im trying to kill dream”

but the enderwalk is still an issue. he needs to figure out how to stop the enderwalk. “it hasnt happened in a while, right?”

the reason he is doing everything is to make sure his adopted son, michael, is safe.

and that is the story so far.

[bookish-mind]

Ok I reread Mockingjay and this is how it went:

Finnick may be a sad sad boy but he still has the best lines

Every Prim scene is making me sob I cannot

Ok Katniss finally understands that Snow is only torturing Peeta to break her

Bc even Snow could see that she really loved him by the second arena..

And she breaks down and reaches for Haymitch bc and I quote “the only person I truly want to comfort me is Haymitch, because he loves Peeta, too” and I just-

Haymitch has his issues and he made his mistakes but the man has good intentions and has been through a helluva lot

Also why does no one talk about the fact that his family was murdered after he won his games bc of his stunt with the force field?? I feel like this is important to know that he has always had the rebellion in him

Gale and his death traps can go be alone forever and ever I said what I said

“It isn’t possible. For someone to make Peeta forget he loves me... no one could do that” ouch ouch ouch ouch

Boggs is the unsung hero of this book you can’t change my mind

I will never, and I repeat never forgive Collins for setting Annie and Finnick up for peace and happiness and then taking it away so quickly

Johanna and Katniss sharing a hospital room, healing/training together and being roomies is my favorite thing. they’re both a fucking mess but they’re a mess together

And then Katniss gives Johanna a bundle of pine needles bc it smells like her home and she has no tokens/possessions of her own I am living for this

Peeta remembers the bread and the dandelion I repeat Peeta remembers the bread and the dandelion !!!!

Katniss is relieved that Prim is safe from Snow.. but it’s not Snow that’s the threat to her oh god oh shit oh fuck

Where tf is Effie ?? I’m glad that they gave her a bigger part in the movie

Real or not real has begun guys it’s happening

He remembered her favorite color but not his own I-

The next person who refers to Peeta as a capital mutt is gonna have to catch these hands

PEETA GAVE HER A CAN OF LAMB STEW THIS IS NOT A DRILL

Moment of silence for Finnick bc I cant even talk about it guys it hurts so much more than I remembered

I am both team Katniss doesn’t need no man AND team Peeta at the same time what about that is confusing

I forgot how terrifying and chaotic it gets when they’re in the streets in open warfare and the pods are going off and civilians are dying and there’s no visibility so you have to just shoot first, ask questions later and then Gale gets taken and he’s asking Katniss to shoot him so he won’t be tortured but she doesn’t hear and she has to just keep going and oh god the parachutes

There’s some twisted irony in the fact that Gale has always been Prim’s protector, he promised to look after her while Katniss was in the games, he got her out of 12, he was the one who got her down to the bunker when 13 was being bombed, and yet it was (most likely) one of his death traps that killed her

“I’m forced to accept who I am. A badly burned girl with no wings. With no fire. And no sister.”

How many times has this poor girl been destroyed and remade

Katniss and Haymitch voted yes for another hunger games... I’m not even gonna try to unpack that

Although, since Coin dies anyway will it even happen since it was her idea ?

Tbh Coin should’ve known better, she hands a bow and arrow to katniss and expects everything to go according to plan???

Ok Dr Aurelius I forgot you existed but you a real one bro

Peeta comes home and the first thing he does is plant primroses, after everything this boy is still too pure for this world

I forgot about the memorial scrapbook... “we seal the pages with salt water and promises to live well to make their deaths count” they’re healing you guys they’re healing and coping and grieving and it’s gonna be okay

“What I need is the dandelion in the spring” FINALLY BITVH ITS PEETA IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN PEETA

“there are no more hunger games” this is it guys, this was the whole point, we made it... but at what cost ??!!

Man I wish I knew what the everlark kids names are

“But there are much worse games to play” and that, my friends, is such a satisfying last line

[letthesparksdance]

(When the depression hits)

The wind whispered out of my opened bedroom window, drawing me into a conversation I was not interested in having. With people who mask their feelings, who pretend they're fine. So much envy, which leads to anger, which leads to frustration. Which leads to me, ignoring the howling whispers of the night.

My open mind, now vulnerable for those in a couple mile radius. I try and run, I try and hide. But others only catch up to me, some take over, my thoughts gradually change into someone else's. Am I living for them or for myself? I don't recognize these views, I don't recognize these thoughts, I don't recognize this point of view. I'm becoming someone who I no longer recognize, I am becoming a stranger to myself.

I'm a vacant corpse, walking these roads of life, which now feel more like hallways. With locked doors, and barricaded windows.. where the sun leaves reflections on the walls, reminding me I'm trapped, alone, and in lock down. Every part of me, except my brain. The most vulnerable part of my very existence, the most cherished, the most important. It feels as if more than my identity was stolen, I feel as if my entire existence was being in use by another form, another being, as if I belong to someone else with nothing to use to protect myself. Nothing to fight back with, my words I once used; later got mixed up in a fashion where everything you were about to say that made sense a minute ago, didn't once it escaped your lips. I go to think, I go to rephrase my words, but no matter how much effort I put into it; nothing comes out right.

Nothing is the way I pictured it, nothing is turning out the way I wanted it too, nothing is going according to plan. Every time, I feel as if I just drove into a ditch, after being cut off by the guy next to me. But what about when you can't find yourself? What if you're staring at a stranger in the mirror, and having difficulty becoming acquainted, because I can't seem to put my story together. I can't seem to go further than my basic information, is that all we are? Our name, birthday, where we were born, our age? There is so much more than our information we put on our Facebook page.

But every time I dig deeper, I end up sinking, sinking into an abyss. Darkness, surrounds me. As I float aimlessly, in search for answers. But only to come across voices of those that used to treat my wounds. But now, the harsh lingering vibration of the words spit, causing my wounds to sting as their teeth break the skin, and the venom sinks in. They are degrading me, pushing me down, trying to get me to go down a notch. Saying I'm to high, to up in the sky, to out of reach in order to help me or do any favors. Am I supposed to just sit here and take this? I have no energy to fight back. I walk away, vocal harassment bouncing off the back of my head...

"I'm in control now. I am in control, I control my life, I control what I take from others, I control when I've had enough. I control when I chose to leave, or when I 

chose to stay. "

I walk closer to the light, closer to the opera I'm hearing in the distance, I walk closer to the glow, to the beautiful voices that praise the Lord. I'm not religious or anything, but maybe religion will help me in a spiritual level, maybe it will clam my head. I'm told they'll accept you, even when you cant accept yourself. 

Maybe they'll show me the gate of glory, the gates of freedom, the gates that separate humans from society. The place where you'll never feel lonely, and even if you find yourself walking down the hallways of life, locked away from civilization you won't have to be confronted by people that expect you to change. 

People who beg for chance after chance, to prove nothing other than that they clearly don't understand what they're doing to themselves and another human being. All you have to do is look into yourself, and see a friend. To feel hope, to understand, to roam free in the fields or wherever you'd want to be. All you ever have to do is look into yourself and find peace, to find your true self hidden behind layers of skin.

A new beginning

(When the depression hits)

Alex Clausen

[im-the-punk-who]

Hi, I dont know if you read or know anything about Macchiavelli's "Il principe", but I am studying it in school and I cant help but compare it's fundamentals to how Flint leads. I'm just curious about what you think

Eekekekekekekekekekekkek okay so first off Anon, you are absolutely, 100% right to be getting those vibes. If it’s not actually textual it is at the least meta-textual that Flint ascribes to a very Machiavellian type of leadership. His whole ‘never was there a Caesar who couldn't sing the tune’ speech is...licherally a direct reference to Machiavelli's philosophy that leaders cannot retain their leadership without sacrificing some level of ethical behavior in order to manipulate and deceive their subjects into following them.

And, Flint owns at least two books from thinkers who drew directly on Machiavellian thinking in their texts: De Jure Belli Ac Pacis by Hugo Grotus and The Leviathan by Thomas Hobbes are both visible in Flint’s cabin, and both drew heavily on the type of leadership principles established in books like Il Principe. 

(Also, my eternal quest for the book that sits *under* The Leviathan in that scene remains. Y’all I will literally pay someone for this knowledge. My best guess is Plato’s De Republica.)

In fact, the whole system that Flint’s world was operating under at this time was very machiavellian in influence. 

Henry VIII, who converted to Protestantism and who would eventually lead England in the conversion from Catholicism to Protestantism that would then in turn eventually lead the country into the War of Spanish Succession(the war being fought during the London 1705 flashbacks), was a student of Machiavellian thinking. He took the teachings of Il Principe to heart and used them to transform his country. Over the next hundred and fifty years, England would change from an entirely Catholic country to a Protestant one. Of note, Catholic scholars generally disagreed with Machiavelli’s principles on the grounds that it did not support the Divine Right of Kings.

As well, the Enlightenment thinkers that influenced Thomas Hamilton(and Flint himself) were starting to argue more for personal liberty and choice of the governed, both concepts presented in Machiavelli’s writings. (For those following along, this approach was also being used to justify slavery, as what was ‘good for the state is good for the man’ was used as justification for everything from impressment to colonization and slavery. Men were willing to set aside their morals for what they justified as good for the state. Shrug emoji.)

As James says of England when he and Thomas view the hanging in London:

“You think Whitehall wants piracy to flourish in the Bahamas?”

“No I don’t think they want it but I think they’re aware of the cost associated with trying to fight it. And I think that that sound travels.”

Here we see that Flint knows what Thomas doesn’t or does not want to accept: that England is willing to sacrifice some morality and some amount of lives(both of pirate-prisoners and the ships they take) in order to save themselves the financial burden of rooting out the causes of piracy. The justification for piracy was that it is too costly to fight, and that the nation ultimately benefits from a bit of strife as it drives prices up and allows England to place within the sights of its citizenry an identifiable enemy. (Note that Blackbeard also argues the same of Nassau, that prosperity ‘made it soft’.)

Even as he is changed by Thomas’ line of thinking, this lesson will stick with Flint and we’ll see it over and over again as he deals with the men’s hatred of himself by redirecting them towards other avenues(Vane, Hornigold, England, etc.)

And in actuality, this is what sets Thomas very much apart from his political brethren - he was *not* willing to sacrifice his morals in order to achieve a ‘more effective’ victory. Once he realizes that moral deficit shown by England, he creates the pardon plan to argue directly for a more moral and just way of governance. His whole premise for the pardons was to show England that an approach that considered the needs and wants of the governed was ultimately more effective, both in cost and in gaining the genuine good will of the people. And again, this is another likely reason why Thomas was then targeted by Peter Ashe and his father. Railing against the entire system of government was dangerous. Particularly if one was railing against the government in a way that could be seen as support of an opposing system of religion and political rule(remember how I said before that Catholics were generally against the Machiavellian systems?) Put plainly, Thomas’ rejection of Machiavelli’s leadership tactics would have been yet another argument for his treason against the crown.

Interestingly also, Marcus Aurelius - Thomas Hamilton’s homeboy - is said to be one of Machiavelli’s five “good” emperors, of whom Machiavelli wrote,

“[they] had no need of praetorian cohorts, or of countless legions to guard them, but were defended by their own good lives, the good-will of their subjects, and the attachment of the Senate.”

How we tryna be.

And so we see that Flint has - not so much fallen back into England’s line of thinking but perhaps that he never really fell out of it. And that this is actually a rift in his potential ability to conform to Thomas’ line of thinking, assuming we see that line as more morally correct. We do see Flint, gradually, throughout the course of the show, move more away from this Machiavellian line of thinking, especially once he meets Madi and the Maroons.  And to me at least it’s one of the most important character shifts we see - in contrast to the trajectory of John Silver becoming Long John Silver  - throughout the series. Just as Flint is finally starting to really value the lives of those around him, Silver has learned how effective those tactics can be in achieving his goals. As Hands says - ‘I wonder if he knows how much you learned from him.’

And in fact, Silver almost directly quotes Machiavelli at one point when he talks to Flint about their different leadership styles.

“I once thought that to lead men in this world, to be liked was just as good as being feared, and that may very well be true. But to be both liked and feared all at once, is an entirely different state of being in which, I believe, at this moment, I exist alone.” 

Whereas Machiavelli in his chapters addressing cruelty and mercy writes

"Here a question arises: whether it is better to be loved than feared, or the reverse. The answer is, of course, that it would be best to be both loved and feared. But since the two rarely come together, anyone compelled to choose will find greater security in being feared than in being loved." 

This is clearly the approach Flint has taken - he is the most feared captain on the seas. Certainly in the colonial world and on Nassau, too, his name brings a certain amount of fear with it. Because of this he has been safe from rebellion for quite a long time - however he is also not unaware that his power comes from the people. In the very first episode he talks of his plan with Gates to “position people in all the right places so the crew would never turn.” He has, for an unknown amount of time but I would suspect from the very beginning, been manipulating the crew’s opinion of him to keep them happy. Gates himself, and Silver later, are prime examples. 

Both of them; Gates for the first ten years or so and Silver in seasons 2+3 act as a go between - being the ‘liked’ to Flint’s ‘feared’. They convince the crew - the ‘people’ in this case - that Flint’s plans are in their best interest and not truly the act of a tyrant. It is only when Flint forgets - or neglects to respect - that the will of his crew is how he keeps his power, that he really starts to fail. And, later also, that now he has a rival - Silver. 

Now, I do want to point out that personally I don’t think Flint is a needlessly cruel ‘ruler’ in the sense the crew sometimes thinks he is, nor is he trying to be as a king is to english subjects. He has power, of course, and he does manipulate, lie, and kill if necessary to maintain his power in accordance with Machiavelli’s principles, but he does not do so ruthlessly or to a degree that is unnecessarily violent, nor with only his own advancement in mind. His goals genuinely are in service of the people he leads, even if the tactics he uses sometimes put them in danger for it. Moreso, I would argue that Flint is a prince who created his own princedom. He took an existing power structure(the pirate council in Blackbeard, Hornigold etc) and took most of the power for himself, either through luck, violence, or political maneuvering. And then he kept it through skill and tactical advantage.

Silver, in contrast to Flint’s new princedom, is truly a ‘prince of the people’. He comes to power through convincing the other pirates that he has their interests at heart - even when he doesn’t. But Silver soon learns that being a well-loved leader is difficult. It isn’t until Silver kills Dufresne and Billy uses that fear to build a legend that ‘Long John Silver’ the pirate king comes into being. Silver learns, just as Flint knew, that in a world or corruption, often leaders need to make sacrifices of things they would have once deemed important. 

(I think it’s also important to note for Silver that his main goal is actually one Machiavelli writes of as being ‘a will of the people’. Silver’s main wish is not to rule, not really. His biggest motivator is ‘to be free’. To not have to make choices based on the will or subjugations of others. And so, he attempts to make the leadership forced upon him into something that frees him - unfortunately for him, Madi is right when she says that the ‘Crown is always a burden’ and it would be truly impossible for him to find the kind of freedom he wishes for while wearing it. Which, honestly, is part of why he ultimately fails in that regard as leader of the revolution.)

In the later seasons we see Flint go through this change in philosophy after he meets Madi and the Maroons. He begins to actually value the lives of the people he leads. When put to the choice of going through with the raid on the Underhill estate despite the risk it poses to the slaves on other plantations, Flint resists the idea. As he tells Madi - it would have cost them far more to ignore the ‘will’ of those people he hoped to lead - the slaves - than it would gain them to go through with the plan. And later, even though he can’t be blind to Max’s sway with Eleanor and the others, unlike Billy (and oh how the mighty have fallen, Mr. Bones!) he doesn’t even seem to consider keeping her rather than trading her for the lives of his other men. He no longer wants to trade a potential political victory for the suffering of those he leads. So, too, when he attempts to trade the cache for the fort, he is doing so with the goal being to not have to put those under his power in danger if there is another option. It is, at least to me, an incredibly moving character arc and one that is so very understated. 

And honestly, I think it’s what *needed* to happen before he could move on from his rage-hate bender and begin to find the sort of peace that one might argue those ‘good’ rulers had. Machiavelli’s principles tend to get in the way of your ability to connect with other people: when you see them just as pawns in a game, friends and foes lose their intrinsic value of just being important on an emotional level. It is only through learning to truly value his partners that Flint can learn how to be a better and more just leader.

Also, this passage in chapter 15 absolutely KILLS me in regards to both Flint, and Thomas Hamilton:

“Men have imagined republics and principalities that never really existed at all. Yet the way men live is so far removed from the way they ought to live that anyone who abandons what is for what should be pursues his downfall rather than his preservation; for a man who strives after goodness in all his acts is sure to come to ruin, since there are so many men who are not good.”

Like bitch!! We get it!! Too much sanity!!! Shut up!!!!!

Anyway, all this to say that you’re absolutely right in seeing parallels between Flint’s style of leadership and a Machiavellian prince - he is absolutely written as a prince-like leader. As are Silver, Rogers, even the Maroon Queen(and Scott and Madi as extensions of her) can be compared to certain rulers in Machiavelli’s archetypes. Even Thomas, who models himself after one of those ‘good emperors’ engenders a type of political leader Machiavelli writes about.

(Also lastly, i want to very quickly point out this guy, Cesare Borgia:

Who was a prince of ‘fortune’ who lost his princedom to trusting the wrong person. What a beard, amirite? What a face. He’s even got the rings! I’m sure this means nothing.)

So basically yeah, Flint is absolutely a Machiavelli bitch. 

[chimswae]

BTS Caretaker CH35

Summary: She may think she has Bangtan Sonyeondan wrapped around her fingers. She may think it is easy to love the members equally without hurting any soul. She may think the boys wont fall head over heels for her. She assumes it is okay to show a little love and affection towards the boys, what if she gets it all wrong? What if it only brings more complication to her already complicated life? Can she survive their charms? Will she be able to resist them? What if they just wont let her go?

- Pairing: BTS x Oc ( Yoongi x OC, Jungkook x OC)

- Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst, Romance, Idol!au

- Word Count: 3, 685

- Author Note: Hi update update! :DDD

Previous | Next

Chapter 35

It was a good day to drink only if you choose a perfect companion as your drinking buddy. Fortunately for Jimin, Seul had time to spare today. As soon as he finished his practice, he went straight to Seul’s workplace to pick her up.

They chose to drink at the top of the hill near her place. It was the best place to drink according to Seul, yet it did not disappoint him. Taking a sip from her coke, she glanced at him “What are you going to do about it?” she warmed up.

“About what?” Jimin feigned innocence. Rolling her eyes in response, Seul nudged his shoulder lightly “You know what I mean” she whispered.

Jimin scratched his head with a shy smile “Can you stop making fun of me? I told you I will deal with it discreetly. Don’t make it sound so scandalous” Seul curled her lips into a slight pout.

“So, are you going to give up on him?” she asked out of curiosity.

“Seul, listen..  I care for Jungkook and I love him, but it won’t change the fact that it is impossible to pursue him. I am comfortable to love him this way, as time passes the feelings that I have will be washed off completely. I will no longer have this romantic feeling for him, so I can return to where I start. I want to keep Jungkook close to me. I don’t want to ruin what we have now, it is precious” Seul nodded with a soft hum.

“Understandable. I am with you till the end. Follow your heart Jiminie, don’t be pressure. About your feelings for Jungkook, let the time decides it for you. As for now, live your life as it is”

“Thank you. As for now I am not thinking about serious relationship” he squished her hand, smiling brightly.

“So, should I introduce you to a girl?” “Ji Seul!” he poked her forehead using the tip of his finger causing the latter to giggle.

Jimin was having a hard time to deal with her little tease now she’s planning to add more it, what an ignorant girl. “What? Now, that you find I am unfit to your liking. Shall I set you up with someone? There is my best friend Hwasa” grinning like a fool, Seul wiggle her brows, followed by a small dance.

“Are you playing matchmaker now? Wow, you do have a lot of time in hand” he cringed at her absurdity.

“Hey, I am being helpful. Is Hwasa okay for you? She is loud and a little rough though, but that doesn’t matter since you survive Yoongi I am sure you can survive Hwasa!” Jimin was losing his word when he barely started this banter that he’s about to have with Seul.

Scoffing in disapproval, Jimin shuddered at the thought of dating Seul’s best friend “I am sure your friend is as crazy as you. Pass” the girl jabbed the side of his torso with a nasty glare.

“Yah! Do I need to remind you that you used to like me? Tsk, ungrateful brat” she crossed her arms and made a sour face. “Do you have someone in mind?” Seul gave him a questioning look.

“I have someone in mind” it will always be Jungkook, his subconscious argued at the back of his mind.

“Oh my god who?!” she deadpanned. “Is it someone that I know? An idol perhaps? Don’t tell me you like that girl from the previous rumour. I can’t recall her name, but she is pretty” it was Seul got a little dramatic over Jimin’s statement.

His eyes grew wider as he showed his protest “Hell no, not her! I am gay Ji Seul please” he shot Seul an ‘are you kidding me’ look.

“You used to like me; you are bisexual dude” Said Seul with a pout clearly offended by his remarks.

Jimin let out a soft giggle “Well, I am sorry if it is offending you. That was to cover up my gay ass” ruffling Seul’s hair in process, his eyes literally disappeared into crescent moon when he smiled.

“There is a letter that I receive from fans” his voice faded away in process. She really could not fathom the idea of Jimin falling for a stranger through a fan letter.

“Are you saying that you like a fan?” she gawked.

“Can’t you tell that I am changing the topic here? Everything that come from your mouth worth the gossip, goodness” he pinched her lips together earning a death glare from the annoyed girl.

Seul swatted his hand and frowned deeply “You are asking for it. Tell me about this mysterious fan, do you happen to know her personally? Have you ever meet her in any of your fan meeting?” she brought her knees to her chest, looking all excited to hear his story.

“Tsk, look at you. Nosy much. No, I don’t know who this person is personally. I receive her fan letter every month, and the things that she wrote in the letter inspired me” he bit his lower lips and expelled a deep sigh.

“You are falling for her writing? I don’t know you are this soft Park Jimin. She is your fan then?” Seul blinked.

“No, she is Jungkook’s fan”

“Yah, are you trying to steal his fan!” she looked up with a puzzled frown on her face.

He glowered “It is not my fault, she mixed up my name and Jungkook’s face. The first letter that I received from her had my name written on it. I thought it was meant for me until I received another letter. I realized she meant to write it for Jungkook” the content of the letter could not be forgotten easily, that was by far one of the genuine letter that he ever received from anyone.

“How can she mess it up until the end, when you are shorter than Jungkook? There was an obvious difference between both of you” she mumbled. 

Jimin eyes widened disagreed by her teasing “Ji Seul! Do I have to remind you few years back, I used to be taller than Jungkook!” he puffed his cheeks, pouting away the last line. 

Seul giggled kneading Jimin’s fluffy cheeks. “The story doesn’t match the situation, spill the beans” she demanded.

Annoyed, he really hated her sharpness, can she not be so on point over everything. It seemed impossible to lie to her face. “I stole the letter from Jungkook. One day, she sent another letter to me and Jungkook. She apologized for mistaking me as Jungkook, and that was the last letter that I ever received from her. Ever since she got her bias name right, she had been sending her letter to Jungkook correctly” Seul raised her brows in amusement.

“And that letter never reaches Jungkook right? Aren’t you sly like a snake? How long have it been?”

“About two years?”

“Yah are you insane?! You are not her ultimate member, it is Jungkook. And I thought you have bro-code even when it comes fans” she reasoned. If people think Taehyung is weird, wait till they have their first-hand experience with Jimin. This little mochi can be quite handful sometimes.

He retorted sarcastically “That is why I stop looking for her, because it is impossible to find her in the ocean full of Armys. Recently, she wrote something about her attending Wings Tour and one of our fansign during You Never Walk Alone promotion” she places her hand over her chest dramatically.

“Does it mean you keep your eyes on Jungkook’s fans during your fansign?” he moved his head slowly, scratching his not itchy head.

“I can’t help it don’t blame me. I don’t see any sign of her though, I wonder if she ever come” she snickered in response, letting out a small giggle.

“You don’t even know how she looks like, yet you pretend as if it is the biggest mission on planet” Seul teased.

Jimin simpered, looking pleased of his own decision to track down the mysterious fan “It is worth the try. I still have to apologize to her for not delivering her letters to Jungkook” Seul sent a bewildered look at his way.

“And you continue to steal her letter from Jungkook” she stated sarcastically.

“Jungkook won’t know unless you open your big mouth” Jimin squished her cheeks together messing it up a little, mimicking her action few minutes ago. She slapped his hand whining over Jimin’s unnecessary affection towards her, it spelled ‘Bullies’ on his forehead.

“Are you going to find her till the end?” his simple nod earns a loud cheer from the small girl.

“Yes, only because she is a true fan, and I want to thank her for the letters that she wrote few years ago which comfort me. I was in a rough phase when I first read her letters which she mistakenly addressed it to me. Not gonna lie, her words were just so genuine, I was comforted by them.”

Seul smiled softly, caressing his knees “You will find her one day. Update me once you find her!” Jimin took a sip of his drink and laughed at her silliness.

“Can we stop talking about me? What about you? Have you made up your mind? About Jungkook or Yoongi hyung?” her face turned sour as soon as he brought up the topic.

She grimaced “I..gave up on Jungkook” Jimin eyes shot opened as guilt consumed her. “Seul if this is about my feelings for Jungkook..You know.. you don’t have to do this” he sighed deeply.

“It is not about your feelings for him. I don’t deserve Jungkook, he deserves better than me. He is still young, and there is another amazing person out there who deserves him better than me. Don’t worry, I am not doing this because of you.” Seul gave her assurance that her decision will remain unchanged.

“But..Jimin..after learning the truth about your true feelings, I cant just go behind your back and date him when I am aware about your feelings. That is selfish. You and Jungkook are still possible” she giggled at her own remarks earning a dissatisfied glare from Jimin.

“How thoughtful” Jimin responded bitterly. In all honesty, he loathed the ideas of forging her own feelings for him when she’s free to love and be loved especially with Jungkook. Again, he knew stubborn Seul would not let anything to jeopardize their friendship. She guarded Bangtan’s friendship with all her heart.

“How are you planning to tell him?” Jimin could imagine the pain that the maknae had to bear when the truth is out. Neither Seul nor Jungkook could be blame in this matter, like she said love is about you loving someone. Your mind can’t choose who you’re going to fall in love, because your heart does all the work.

A soft sigh escaped from her lips “I have to do it even it hurts” he felt his arm wrapped securely around her, making her lean against his shoulder. “Jungkook and you can handle this. We can’t please everyone, that is life. Does it mean you are choosing Yoongi hyung?” suddenly thinking again, she falls into deep silence.

For some reason her silence made him fear her decision. Seul deserved to be loved and to be in a relationship, Jimin knows how much his hyung loved this girl. Hell, if anything happens to her he would be the first one to be by her side without fail. That’s the beauty of Min Yoongi when he’s in love.

Seul smiled indulgently “Yoongi is a great man. Do I deserve him? He is too good for me” she doubted herself. Jimin noticed the uneasiness in her voice, so he got the idea who is in her heart.

“It is Yoongi hyung then” he chuckled softly.

Her face turned fifty shades red as she shook her head frantically “I didn’t say anything about choosing him!”

“But there are only two choices to begin with, it is either Jungkook or Yoongi hyung. Now, that you have explicitly rejected Jungkook, shouldn’t you be choosing hyung? Or do you have another guy in your mind” he looked unfazed by the idea of Seul liking someone else who isn’t Bangtan.

There is Jin. Seul hated herself for opening the chances for Jin.

Was she trying to be caught in another messy love web? She barely escaped Jungkook yet she’s making it hard for herself to decided when it involved Jin. Another thing was that, Jin had never mentioned his feelings openly. Was it safe to assume Jin only see her as a good friend?

This was confusing her.

She liked Yoongi, but there’s Jin.

“Drink up, I need to go back in a bit. Mother is alone since Hoon is in Daegu. Shouldn’t you be home by now? I heard you have a long day tomorrow for your comeback show” Jimin frowned when he noticed the latter tried to chance the topic. Maybe it is best to stop talking about serious thing like this and moved on to lighter topic.

“Yes, Mnet. Will you be able to come? I can get a ticket for you” she took a big slurp from her drink before opening a new drink for her to savour.

“I am sorry, I have to work tomorrow and accompanying mother for medical check-up. We finally get a donor that suit my mother, hopefully she is able to go for the surgery by the end of this month” her eyes glimmered in happiness.

Jimin clasped his hand together in delight “Really? Ahjumma finally got the donor! Seul-ah, that is good news! Let me know how it goes, I am happy for you and ahjumma” she tucked the strand of hair behind her ears.

“Thank you Jiminie. I will let you know how it goes okay?” Jimin was satisfied by the news and now that both of them had finally spent their first alone time as a friend together, it was even precious. They stayed for thirty more minutes finishing their snacks and non-alcoholic drinks since Seul couldn’t really take alcohol, the reason why they ended up drinking sodas.

 ---------------

She pushed the password to her apartment and made her way inside hurriedly. To her dismay, she was welcomed by the sound of her mother’s shout from the living room which sounded like she’s having a huge fight with someone.

Seul kicked her shoes hastily approaching the loud sound only to be welcomed by a horrifying sight. Her mom was pressed against the wall while she threw a fit, meanwhile a man dressed in grey suit probably in his mid-fifties had his hand wrapped around her mother throat.  

“I should have killed you ever since you decided to keep the baby” he snarled.

Seul took a moment to digest the situation and without wasting any more time, she lurched forward pulling the man away from her mother. Using her strength, she pushed the man against the coffee table and went to aid her mother.  For a man that twice her size, she sure was quite strong to be able to push him without help.

“Mom, are you okay?” her mother coughed and panted heavily. The man dusted his clothes, standing up from his feet “Finally, the princess is back” Seul glared furiously at him, while helping her mom regaining her balance.

“Who the hell are you? Get out before I call the cops!”

“Jihyun you never told her about me, don’t you? I am hurt” he stretched one of his hand out for a handshake “Let me introduce myself, I am Lee Wonsuk, your fa-“ Mrs Hwang blazed in fury stopping the man before he could finish his word.

“KEEP YOUR FILTHY MOUTH SHUT!” the older woman outburst surprised Seul leaving the girl in daze. She was desperate to know who this man in front of her for her mother is to be this furious.

The man raised his hands with a mischievous look in his eyes “Alright, we will not talk about this tonight. You know Jihyun, you can’t keep this secret forever.  I will come to claim what is mine soon” his eyes then landed on Seul, making the girl feel smaller under his gaze. It sent chill down her spine.

“Nice to see you Ji Seul” dumbfounded by the situation, Seul watched the man disappeared from their vicinity and turned to face her mother.

“Mom, are you alright?” she held her arms, sitting her down on the couch. “Are you sure we just let him escape? You almost got killed!” Mrs Hwang shook her head weakly, leaning her back against the couch.

Seul went to get a glass of water and returned almost immediately by her mother side “Who is he? He seems to know you” the older woman smiled meekly, placing the glass on the coffee table.

“He is not important Seul, forget about him. He is just an old man with rage” displeased with her mother’s ambiguous answer, Seul did not stop her interrogation until she got the answers that she wanted.

“I don’t believe you, no- I choose not to believe you at all. Enough with secrets, this is your life we’re talking, what if he returns and hurt you? For once, can you treat me like a real adult, I can handle this!” Seul sighed lightly.

There was a long silence between them for a moment. “Are you going to make me wait?” she grew impatient. No matter what happens, today is the perfect day to learn the bitter truth, even it is hurt at least she’s no longer living in the dark.

The older woman muttered lowly finally unravelling the secrets that she kept for years from Seul. “Twenty-two years ago, a month before my wedding with Hoon’s father, I was raped” Seul stared at her in utter disbelief, shaking her head.

“By who?” she squished her mother’s hand, giving her strength to continue her story.

“Lee Wonsuk, he is your father’s best friend. And there was another man with him that night. I received a call from Wonsuk, that Hoon’s father got into a fight and was badly injured. I went to his place and the last thing that I remember was seeing his face in front of the doorstep. Then I blacked out. The next morning when I woke up, I saw two naked bodies beside me” she started to sob.

Seul swallowed the knot on her throat, weary with the weight of her mother’s grief. She wondered how she could bear the pain alone all those years. She embraced her mother tight, “I am sorry that you have to go through that pain alone, mom” her tears finally cascaded down swallowing all the pain at once.

Mrs Hwang held her lovely daughter close to her “That…man..is he my father?” praying hard inside, Seul really hoped the things that came from her mother contradicted to what she had in mind.

Expelling a long sigh, she looked empty and worn out. Seul gulped down a huge breath of air through her mouth, because she was afraid to hear the truth. Even though, she realized it was not something that she can simply deny knowing they were sharing the same blood.

“I don’t know.. I couldn’t remember that night, I was drugged. He came to me out of the blue and claimed that you are his. I…dont want to trust him.. You are mine, my daughter. Even though, if he is your father, I will not let him come near you. Seul, stay away from him. He is planning to take you away from me” she said, her voice containing a hint of panic.

“I won’t let him take me away from you, I promise. You and Hoon are the only family that I have. Mom, don’t stress yourself. You are not well, we will talk about this later. You need to rest” she took her cold hand in hers, stroking it gently giving a little heat to the freezing hands.

“Are you alright?” Mrs Hwang asked worriedly. She was concerned of her daughter’s mental health though Seul had stopped taking medicine for her depression, still it could relapse.

Seul glanced over at her mother, secretly wiping her tears “I will be fine, don’t worry about me” she gave her a reassuring smile. The pain that she felt was nothing if she were to compare it with her mother, it was best to keep it to herself.

She pressed once more not convince with Seul response “Seul-ah, don’t keep it to yourself, cry if you want to cry, scream if you are angry, that is what normal people do” she caressed her cheeks softly in hope Seul would say something about her resentment. To her dismay, she remained stoic.

“It is okay, I am fine” Seul left a soft kiss on her forehead before stood up from her seat.

“Where are you going Seul?”

“I need some time alone, I won’t be late. Get some rest alright? Don’t wait for me” her weak smile was another way to indicate ‘no, im not okay please go after me and save me’ . In this situation, Mrs Hwang tried to find a solution more like somebody to ensure she would not do anything stupid.

She quietly grabbed her purse and made her way to the door leaving her mother who seemed about to lose her mind seeing her only daughter disappeared beyond the door. Pushing herself up from the couch, she grabbed her phone and scrolled through her contact. Hwasa or Wongeun were the best choice that she had, Seul needed someone by her side.

In fact, Mrs Hwang knew her daughter would not express her pain openly to anyone even with her, she was very conscious of what she’s about to say. To see how she fought back and recovered from her depression back then was a miracle.

However, that doesn’t mean it wont come back to haunt her.

Her eyes stopped at that one name in her contacts, the exact person that could be another miracle in Seul’s life. Without further ado, Mrs Hwang pushed the green button and waited for her calls to be answered.

“Yoongi-ah, it is ahjumma. I need your help..It is about Seul..”

This work belongs to  Chimswae © 2021. All Rights Reserved

[collectsfallenstars]

Lee Gon’s 3 Rules and How and When He Fell In Love With Jeong TaeEul: An Analysis in 2 parts

Part 1: Love like You Row

It’s pretty easy to say that Lee Gon starts off in “The King: Eternal Monarch” already in love with Jeong TaeEul and he remains in that constant state all throughout the series.  That his character is that flat, as flat as the world according to Jeong TaeEul.  While it may be true that his character remains deeply devoted to her all throughout, I’m here to show you that he isn’t a flat character.  Aside from the external struggle he has with his uncle Lee Lim, and convincing TaeEul of his identity and depth of feeling for her, loving TaeEul also forced him to confront certain things.

On their first chicken dinner together in episode 2 which felt more like an extension of his interrogation instead of a friendly dinner, Lee Gon finds out exactly what kind of person he’s dealing with with Jeong TaeEul. He had just thanked her for being the reason why he survived the last 25 years of his life after his father had been murdered.  She was tied to that one great big mystery of his life and he had wanted to find her all these years. Now she was there, eating dinner with him.  But she didn’t believe anything he said, almost canceling out his entire existence because she did not have enough proof.

We are then taken to a flashback of baby Lee Gon talking with Lady Noh about the night his father was murdered while a cute baby Maximus ran around in the background.  Lady Noh hands over the two things Lee Gon had held onto that night – half of the broken bamboo flute and Jeong TaeEul’s ID.  And then little Lee Gon asks,

“DO YOU THINK IT’S HERE, THE REASON WHY I SURVIVED THAT DAY?”

The flashback ends and we are brought back to the present time with Lee Gon asking TaeEul,

“WHY DO YOU NEVER BELIEVE ANYTHING I SAY?”

This was a very good juxtaposition of events.  As a child, the question of why he survived had been foremost in his mind. That’s him questioning the purpose of his existence and he’s tied it to these two objects – the flute and TaeEul’s ID.  One is a symbol of utter power, and the other, I suppose, is love, or his destiny.

And all his life he believed held on to the idea that his life had purpose, had meaning, and it was tied to this woman, before him, who sat there not believing anything at all.  She tells him to stay put till she gets back his DNA test and he takes it out of context and asks her,

“ANYTHING ELSE? IS THERE ANY OTHER REASON? THE REASON WHY I HAVE TO STAY IN YOUR WORLD? COULD THERE BE A REASON?”

This is him grasping at straws, a little desperately.  He’s basically asking her to  tell him, give him his purpose. He’s waiting for her to say, “I want you to stay because of me.” To hand it over to him.  But of course, TaeEul thought it was all bullshit.

In Lee Gon’s world, he’s the king. He has never needed his existence to be validated.  And he has always been sure of who he was. But one thing he was never sure of was his why he survived that night, his purpose.  So he tied his purpose to the flute and to TaeEul. He had probably hoped that he would find it if he could just find her.

And he did find her.  But she doesn’t believe he exists.  She doesn’t believe his Kingdom of Corea exists.  And the only reason, she says, that she’s helping him is just so she can send him back home and get rid of him.

He realizes two things here.  Just because he found Jeong TaeEul doesn’t mean he gets an instant answer as to what his purpose is for surviving that night.  And just because he’s spent the last 25 years attached to the idea of TaeEul doesn’t mean that the moment she sees him, she’ll come running into his arms like a long lost love.  There is no love. At least, just yet.

This must have been a lonely time for Lee Gon. After this scene, we are shown a clip of him visiting an exhibit of Korea’s last monarch.  The building occupies the same place where he and his father were attacked in the Kingdom of Corea. But that history of the royal family doesn’t even include his line.  He has no identity, no history, no purpose.

And in this world, if he wanted purpose, it wasn’t just going to be a simple find Jeong TaeEul and she’ll give you the answer.  He’ll actually have to work for it, find it by solving the mystery of the bamboo flute and work on building a real  connection with Jeong TaeEul.

He finds out exactly how to best do that on this dinner too.  When Jeong TaeEul answers his question about why she wont’ believe him, she says,

“IS THAT HOW BELIEF WORKS?  I’M THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO STILL CAN’T BELIEVE THE EARTH IS ROUND.”

It’s in this part when he realizes they don’t see the world in the same way.  I like how he doesn’t force her to believe him just because he believes it, doesn’t guilt her into seeing things his way.  You know how most people would go, this is how I see it. why cant you see it my way? Nope. He shuts up.  He listens to her and understands that she needs to see things before she can believe them, and works with that instead of trying to change her mind.

He takes on 3 tasks.  He must first convince her that he is telling the truth about his identity.  He next has to convince her that parallel worlds exist.  Once those two things are done, it will be easier for him to convince her that his feelings for her are real.   He then formulates a plan the only way a mathematician and a rower would, tailor fitting it to meet Jeong TaeEul needs.  I've written about this on a previous post, detailing how Jeaong TaeEul’s feelings for Lee Gon devloped exactly because of this method. If you’re interested, you can just scroll down my tumblr. It’s in there somewhere.

As I said, he looks at situations like a mathematical equation. If there’s a problem, there has to be a solution. A beautiful one. And his solutions are pretty simple. Patience and honesty. Every time she asks him anything about his identity and where he’s from, he will tell always tell the truth. No matter how many times she asks the same question, he will always give her the same answer.  This is why rowing is such a perfect sport for him. He makes repetitive motions, moving in a single direction and onwards until the finish line.  That’s exactly how he was with Jeong TaeEul. Keep telling the truth until she believes.  But he won’t try to force her to believe him before she’s ready and endures it every time she insults him or accuse of fictionalizing everything.

If you look at episode 3, on what’s probably their 2nd chicken and beer dinner, he tells her,  

“YOU GOT NOTHING ON MY DNA RESULTS. BUT YOU STILL CAN’T REALLY BELIEVE ME, RIGHT? SO WHO DO YOU THINK I AM? THERE IS NO INFORMATION AT ALL ABOUT ME IN THIS WORLD.”

He leans forward on the table again, making the gap between them slightly smaller. Notice that he doesn’t make the conclusion for her. He just asks her the questions. He lets her make the conclusion on her own; and gives her time until she’s ready to actually say it out loud that she believes him, which won’t be until the 5th episode.  

Having gotten no results for his DNA and fingerprints should point TaeEul towards the existence of another world where he does exist.  But keep in mind that TaeEul needs to see something before she believes it.  And no results mean no evidence. No evidence means, it’s all bullcrap form TaeEul. So when he tells her,

“I HOPE YOUR EARTH CAN BECOME ROUND SOON.”

He is saying “I know you can’t see it, but I hope you believe that my parallel world exists, and that I exist for you.”  Just like the world being round.  He’s essentially preparing her for what’s to come next. And it has nothing to do with seeing his world and him being king because those are things she will be able to see for herself.  He’s preparing her for one of the greatest leaps of faith of all time – believing in love.  It is, after all, an intangible concept. You can’t see it, you can only feel it to know it exists.

Now, when the time finally came that TaeEul got all the evidence that she needed and was finally prepared to believe him, he was still very patient with her as he answered all of her questions about her ID card that was issued exactly when he said it would be.

He goes to her, gathers her hair together in ponytail in one hand, and holds on to the side of her neck with the other, while he answered all her questions correctly, getting rid of her last excuses for not believing him.  He is literally and figuratively holding her steady, as her world kind of fell apart knowing that she had been wrong all this time.  He didn’t jump with glee or anything because he was right and she was wrong. He understood how this must have been terrifying for her and he kind of just was there for her to help her keep it together.  Then he offers her his other world, letting her decide if she wants to see it for herself.

“DO YOU WANT TO SEE FOR YOURSELF? COME WITH ME TO  MY WORLD.”

He holds her hand, pulls her to Maximus, puts both her hands on his shoulders and he puts this woman who had never watched fairy tales on a white horse fit for a prince and princess.  I swear, when snow started falling in this scene, Maximus turned into unicorn for me.  It was that magical.

Physically, you can see him become more protective of her in this instant. He closes his hand over hers. Puts her hands on his shoulders as if to tell her you can depend on me, you can trust me.  He cages TaeEul between his arms as they ride off. And even when they get to Corea, he still has her inside his arms in a protective circle, asks the guards to step back because he knows exactly how flat earther Jung TaeEul will feel in a parallel world.  

He already knows she’s a strong capable woman. But he didn’t hesitate to provide comfort and protection because he understood that even the strongest ones may need comfort and protection at times.

He does gloat here, a little.

“SEE? I WAS RIGHT, WASN’T I?”

Still on his horse, he leans closer to her, almost speaking right into her ear. His lips quite possibly less than two inches away from her earlobe.  I mean…if I was Kim Goeun I’d be shivering with want. But of course, she’s very busy taking in the fact that a parallel world exists so maybe her libido is in the backburner for now.  But when she turns her head to face him, and it was , quite possibly, the sweetest, most electrifying non kiss kiss ever.

Now at this point, he seems to have ticked off all his tasks. Convinced her he’s a king. Convinced her that a parallel world exist. Now the next thing to do is to convince her that his feelings, 25 years in the making, are real.  

Part 2: Love of a Monarch with a Scar

But how real are his feelings?  Because the Jeong TaeEul he’s now with is very different from whatever he imagined Jeong TaeEul to be when he was 8 years old! That’s actually the first thing he had to confront the moment he met TaeEul at Gwanghwamun Square.  After they bicker and he insults her intelligence by asking,

“IT SEEMS YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT A PARALLEL WORLD IS. DID YOU NOT STUDY SCIENCE?”

He finally observes something about her.  He says,

“IS THIS WHAT YOUR PERSONALITY IS LIKE? I HAVE NEVER IMAGINED IT. I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE SOFTER.  THIS IS NEW.”

And this signals to the audience that he is aware that the Jeong TaeEul he had imagined and possibly loved for the last 25 years is different from the real Jeong TaeEul.  He might have arrived at the scene loving only the idea of TaeEul but as soon as the 2nd episode, he takes it upon himself to actually educate himself on all things Jeong TaeEul, setting aside all of his built up notions about her.

In the precinct, even in the midst of his interrogation, he takes the time to really look at her and come to a decision that she “LOOKED BETTER IN REAL LIFE.” So that’s great right, he prefers the 3 dimensional version of her as opposed to a picture. And then when TaeEul finally released him from jail, he reveals that he has already pumped Eunsup for information about her life.  He is making sure that he gets to know her right from the get go.  It was also on the 2nd episode that he went to the library to get to know her world’s history.  He looked up the poet  Kim SoWol and bought his book before going back to his world, just because TaeEul randomly quoted him during their conversation in the bamboo forest in episode 3.

Now he didn’t completely let go of his imagined version of a TaeEul because he did manage to get a short glimpse of a softer TaeEul during their early days together.  Time had to stop before he could see this softer side of hers because at this point, she still didn’t believe anything he said and was less likely to trust him enough to show him her softer side.  So when time stopped, that was the first time he got to see the TaeEul he had imagined all this time.  It was just there, buried underneath the hard, flat-earther exterior. He just had to wait til the 9th episode to finally see this softer, sweeter side of hers.

He also asks her important questions like, “Why did you become a detective?” which is essential when you’re trying to get to know someone. You ask them about their dreams to get an idea about the kind of person they are. Now, when TaeEeul answers,

“NOT EVERYONE IN THE WORLD CAN BE BRAVE.  SO I DECIDED TO BECOME BRAVE.”

it absolutely fascinated him. For someone who’s had his life set for him the moment he was born, the fact that someone can make a choice about which direction to take their lives must have amazed him. He admires this trait, that she can make a decision to be a cop just like that.

Notice also that she didn’t say, “I am brave so I joined the police force.” She said, I DECIDED TO BECOME BRAVE.”  If you look at Lee Gon, the kind of decisions he tends to make are what to do. Do I leave for my home? Do I stay a little bit more? Do I give her my name?  But the one thing TaeEul shows him is that he can make decisions on what kind of person he wants to be, just as she did.  So as he’s getting to know her, learning her, he’s also learning from her.

Why is this important? Because his identity is tied to him being a King. There’s a flashback of his time with his father on episode 4 where the father talks about the duties of a king. He asks, 

“DO YOU THINK YOU CAN FULFILL THIS CALLING, GON?” 

So it’s all about performing a duty that is attached to the title of King. CAN YOU DO IT?  It is never about what kind of King do you want to be? Which makes this part very important.

After she talks about her own dreams and what she wanted for herself, she asks him,

“SO THAT’S MY STORY. TELL ME WHAT KIND OF KING YOU ARE. A YOUNG, HANDSOME, AND RICH KING?”

This question appears to pleasure him, as much as bother him.  He answers,

“A ROWER, MATHEMATICIAN, A WELL-GROWN ORPHAN, AND THE OWNER OF THE FOUR TIGER SWORD. A KING WHO HAS NEVER BEEN ASKED SUCH A QUESTION AND TRYING HIS BEST NOT TO PANIC.”

This is her asking him, “How have you been doing as a king so far?”  How are you?  A question on his well being as a king.  Like whenever he returns to her from his world, he always asks how she has been and if she’s been well.  It appears to have the same effect on him.  It pleases him to know that she wants to know he has been doing.

But then, he also has no idea how to answer her question. And this makes him panic.

Since no one ever bothered to ask him what kind of person, what kind of King did he want to be, he never thought about it.  He just simply accepted that he was a king and had to fulfill the duties that came with it.  It probably never occurred to him that he can decide what kind of king he wanted to be.  It wasn’t just a job, which I suspect is how he sees it.  That’s why he likes escaping from time to time when it becomes too much.  But here was Jeong TaeEul, teaching him how to be a better King because being a cop is so much more than just a job for TaeEul.  Lee Gon is slowly becoming a better King, just by talking to TaeEul.  Imagine how much more glorious he would become once he gives himself fully to her, and she reciprocates that love?  

Ironically though, this love that taught him how to choose to brave is the same love that he has to give up when he finally chooses to be a brave King and save both worlds. But, we still have one more episode so that’s still up in the air.

Now, let’s go back to simpler times when their only problem was themselves and their own trust issues.  So as I said, he makes great effort to really get to know her and once he was able to tell apart the Jeong TaeEul in his imagination and the Jeong TaeEul in reality, he lets her know that he much prefers the real version of  TaeEul.   At the end of episode two, he tells her,

“YOU’RE ALWAYS BUSY AND YOU DON’T CARE MUCH FOR ME. BECAUSE OF YOU, I’M POWERLESS HERE. BUT IT’S FINE.  YOU ARE MUCH MORE AMAZING THAN I HAD IMAGINED.

This moment was especially pitiful because he said this after revealing to her that he felt hurt that she kept leaving him when she’s the only person he knows in this world.  But even through his hurt feelings, he is able to understand why she does this.  He understands that she’s busy, that she has a life, and that to her, he was simply just a stranger.  So if we jump to episode 8, when TaeEul asks him if he would have fallen for her if she had been rude and decided not to help him, Lee Gon really wasn’t lying when he said,

“I WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD AND THAT UNDERSTANDING WOULD HAVE LED ME TO FALL FOR YOU.”

Because he was already doing it as early as the 2nd episode.   She had just upset him and there he was, understanding why and still finding her amazing despite it all.   He tells her this in what seems like a love confession, at first, but it really isn’t.  When he compares her to the number Zero, he’s essentially saying that she alone can make him weak but at the same time, has the power to give him strength. And that whenever he felt trapped, she was the only one had the power to save him – like that night of treason.  He was seeing firsthand the effect she has on him.  And he sees that

she already has this much power and influence over him even without an established relationship.   That’s how much power he has handed to her by the simple fact that he has hung on to her existence for the last 25 years.  

This was not a confession of love but somehow, it feels heavier than that.  I appreciate how he didn’t rush to say the words I love you to her at this moment, but instead chose to show her what she meant to him.

I feel like saying I love is sometimes a cop out, you know. I’m just gonna lump all these feelings for you together and call it love.  But Lee Gon does not do that. He constantly reveals to her how she affects him. He is constant in allowing himself to be vulnerable and honest with how he feels for her.

“YOU LOOK BETTER IN REAL LIFE” is attraction.

“WHY ARE YOU TYING YOUR HAIR? DON’T TIE YOUR HAIR,” is a marked preference for the TaeEul in real life because the TaeEul in his imagination has her hair gathered in a low ponytail.

“DON’T GO. IT TOOK 25 YEARS FOR ME TO MEET YOU.  I HOPE TODAY WILL BE A LONG DAY,” is him begging, or bargaining for more time with her after having pined after her for so long. And he doesn’t hide the fact that he has pined for her for a long time.

“THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING. BECAUSE YOU EXISTED SOMEWHERE, I WAS LESS LONELY FOR THE PAST 25 YEARS,” is deep gratitude.  Just the thought of her somewhere brought him comfort in his lonely life and that’s a powerful thing.  Most people depend on an actual presence of a person for them to be significant enough in their life.  But for Lee Gon, just the idea of her had been enough.

“THAT’S COOL, LT. JUNG TAE EUL,” is open admiration for her character and spirit.

But I think what really drove it home for me, and also my favorite declaration of devotion, is when he said, “I IMAGINED BRINGING YOU HERE LOTS OF TIMES BEFORE” when she asked him why he looked so calm after bringing her into the palace and the entire staff erupted in disarray.  It is a very simple line, but so naked in its honesty. And Lee MinHo delivers it with the glee of a child who opens his gift on Christmas  morning, gets exactly what he wants, and proceeds to tell his parents thank you because he’s dreamed of it all year long and now it’s his.  Except for Lee Gon, he’s dreamed of it for 25 years already.  Just the weight of that longing is flabbergasting.  Can you imagine anyone loving you this much?

However, for all of Lee Gon’s openness about how he feels for TaeEul, I don’t think he ever fully allowed her into his world until the 6th episode. And this is because of the 3 rules he has always abided by when it comes to himself and all three are rooted in his trauma from that night of treason in 1994.

He doesn’t eat food that hasn’t been tasted beforehand.

No one touches his body.

No one can call him by his name.

Now the first two are broken as early as the 1st and 2n d episode.  TaeEul cuffs him at Gwanghwamun Square and once more back in the precinct.  Then on the 3rd episode, she tapped Lee Gon on the shoulder on her way to the restroom. By this time, he’s not even protesting when she touches him, he even welcomes it now.  And this is growth for him, considering the last time someone touched him in such close proximity, he almost died.  And on their first dinner together, he actually surrenders that rule willingly, using that point to tell her what the idea of her has done to comfort him for the last 25 years.

But his last rule, the one rule he clung steadfastly to, was the one that did not allow anyone to call him by his name.  He consistently refused to give her his name in the first 4 episodes, and even when he finally did give it to her at the start of the 5th episode, he still stuck to the rule.  He gave her his name, but she is still not allowed to use it.

Now, on episodes 5 and 6, we see him on uber boyfriend mode. He’s like a kid who finally got a puppy. Here, let me take care of you. Here let me feed you. Here let me give you alcohol. Here let me kiss you. Here let me pick you up when you’re stranded. Let me play with your hand and show everyone how I feel about you. Let me pat your head to comfort you when you’re lonely.

He’s basically a giver. Let me love you. But the danger in being with someone like this is that they control what part of them you’re getting, because they pick and choose, very frequently, so you never feel like you’re lacking for any affection. But you’ll never know the full extent of what they’re giving and holding back because they won’t let you in. And he hasn’t. At least, not completely.

TaeEul had to find out the whole deal with Lee Lim and the night of treason by google searching Lee Gon and his family.  When he tells her,

“I GUESS YOU NOW KNOW WHAT ROOT YOU ARE STANDING IN FRONT OF.  IT’S MY HELL AND MY HISTORY THAT WAS ENGRAVED ON MY BODY BY THE GREED OF THE PERSON THAT KILLED MY FATHER AND STRANGLED ME.”

he simply confirms what she found out. But he didn’t offer the story himself. No matter how vulnerable he is with everything else, this source of his trauma is still something he struggles with.  And the way that he clings to the rule that his name must never be called by anyone is a manifestation of this.

Names are deeply personal and the people who are close enough to him to say it out loud are both dead.  So since he was 8, his name has never been called.  He has always existed as Pyeha to everyone and this safe distance  has guaranteed him safety.  No one will ever get close enough to try and murder him like his uncle did. But this also afforded him great loneliness. Because Pyeha is only a title but being King has swallowed up his entire existence.  That’s why he panicked when TaeEul asked him what kind of King he was.  That’s why the idea of his purpose for surviving that night still evades him.  Because if he doesn’t know who he is beyond the title of Pyeha, or King, it’s going to be hard to find out his purpose too.

And his name is his last barrier against TaeEul.  He’s given her everything, except for the right to call him by his name.  But she doesn’t wait for it. She punches right through his wall when she said,

“I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN, LEE GON.”

And he is left there, dumbfounded, because she dared.  He says,

“I THOUGHT MY NAME WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE CALLED. BUT I GUESS IT WAS SUPPOSED TO CALLED ONLY BY YOU.”

And with this, by calling him by his name, she is now the person closest to him. And the impact that this had on him was huge.  He’s been an orphan since he was 8 and no one has probably called his name with love until now.  She just blasted his whole world wide open. And this, I think, must have been the moment when Lee Gon fell in love with Jeong TaeEul, completely, helplessly, and fiercely.

[flowerslightning]

The OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) in FF7

This thing actually caught my eyes while reading a few theory about FF7R and the word OCD appear in their certain analysis, in IG, youtube comments and some posts in tumblr too. Dunno why but they always relate Biggs with OCD. I looked back to the scenes where Biggs appear and... Okay, i understand why they thinj Biggs has OCD or perfectionist

A lot of people, including the psych students themselves easily confused with OCD and perfectionist (I got confused by it quite often too). Now, is Biggs OCD or is he just a perfectionist? Let's take a deeper look at it

Biggs is not a famous character. So fans dont really care about him, but I do

Disclaimer : i'm not a psychologist. Im an intern and still studying. Psychiatric is not my major field but i got assigned there as an intern for quite a time and we got exposed a lot about psychology too. We didnt learn them professionally like the real psyche students, we learned (and still under training) through real life experience + a little bit from the books.

So there might be wrong interpretation here and there. Pls correct me if I'm misleading u. And pardon my english. Pls dont use any of these terms to diagnose urself. Remember, I'm a student, not a professional.

I kins of blame the social media for portraying OCD in such a nasty way, when someone with OCD is actually suffering inside.

OCD is not just about 'clean clean, must clean this place till squeaky clean' and OCD is not about being perfectionist. OCD and perfectionist are two different thing.

Perfectionist is more to a demand demeanour, eg "I want the cake to be like this. I want it to be pink. No, not that pink, it must be neon pink with slight purple. Do it again. No, i dont want that pink. Do it again. Ahhh yess, nice pink." Someone with perfectionist, after they got their result, they will immediately bcome calm and satisfied. Perfectionist is obviously different from OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder). OCPD falls under Personality Disorder and it is different from OCD. Im not going to talk about that

Credit goes to crazyheadcomics.

Look at how OCD got spoken from the media perspective. It is very much resemble to Biggs, dont u think? In reality, someone with OCD always feel stress about everything around them, and they will find it hard to complete their task.

OCD has two components - Obsessive and Compulsive

| 1. Obsessive. It is a repeating thoughts about something and often occur until it makes someone feel stress about it. Eg, u think that ur hand will get bacteria infection if u touch a chair, door, fridge or when holding someone's hand. This thought always appear in ur mind everytime u touch the door, chair, fridge or somebody's hand, but when u touch ur shoes, u never think about the bacteria (in certain cases, some patients become scare of everything they touch)

| 2. Compulsive. It is a repeating of the same actions to fulfill the 'obsession' in order to reduce the stress acted upon them. Usually the 'action' has a specific ways in which the patient believe he has to do it like this or that way or else he will fail. Eg, after touching the chair, he will immediately wash his hand 10x from left to right. He believes the hand washing wont be effective if he starts from right to left

Another sign of OCD is when someone re-checking the door lock few times. Its normal for us to re-check once/twice the door lock for confirmation, but for people with OCD, they will re-check the door lock for about 6-10 times and still not feel satisfied and later they stress out. And also the OCD people, they tend to get annoyed when something is not in particular order and they will immediately fix it eventhough they know they're wrong.

I met a funny woman at the hosp arranging our students' books according to its thickness, when I asked her why did she arranged our books like that,

She replied : "Doctor said I have CDO"

Me : "Sorry, CDO? Never heard of it"

She : "It is actually OCD but I feel so stress hearing that term so I put it in alphabetical order. CDO, much better"

We both had a good laugh. Her case was not serious though, but she was feeling miserable with her thoughts and decided to meet a psychiatrist. I would say she was still in early stage for someone with OCD, but may lead to severe if left untreated

It is really hard to satisfy and convince someone with OCD and they always feel stress about something they shouldnt care too much about. U can say OCD is a fastidious type, and they're actually more than that

If we want to relate this condition with Bigg's case., urmm. The only time where I can spot him being different than the other characters is when he's busy sweeping his front house and when he pat Cloud's head during the Sector 7 plate fall.

The cleaning stuff isnt exactly weird thing for a human to do. But it is something odd, I mean, he just finished his mission with Jessie and survived a jump from the plate, and yet he still have the energy to sweep dry leaves, AT NIGHT! He can wait till tomorrow though and should get himself a proper rest.

Wedge says Biggs has a habit of overthinking stuff

And there we see Biggs sweeping the dry leaves. It might be because he is trying to distract himself from doing his bad habit - overthinking. But urm , i think there'll be higher chance for someone to overthink when doing house chore like Biggs is doing. This is where lots of people say Biggs cleaning the house at night is bcause he has OCD or he's a perfectionist.

But I dont think thats the case. For real, he is completely normal. No sign of him acting weird in that scene. If he really does have OCD or he's a perfectionist, we'll see more of him arguing with Barret about unnecessary stuff. He cant become one of Avalanche's strongest member (not exactly strong, but hey, he's trustworthy). Also, if u notice, Biggs have one earring on his right ear. Someone with OCD will feel irritated by it bcause his ear doesnt look 'balance'. OCD people, even in mild case, they want everything about them to be balance and in good order.

After trying to understand Biggs way of thinking and style through his short screentime, I strongly believe this guy has no such thing as OCD or being a perfectionist. Biggs just cares tooooo much about his friends, he thinks 10 times ahead from the bigger picture in which it frightens him about the bad consequences that will occur to people he cherish.

He is the type that always have a back up plan in his mind. He thinks of 5 possible bad things and comes out with 10 solutions. That's the power of an overthinker like Biggs I'll tell ya

Biggs probably cleaning his front house area at night bcause the next early morning, he will need to leave his house for the bombing mission. Better take care of things the night before the big day. He can ditch the cleaning work but he wont do it, not bcause he's a perfectionist/OCD, but try to imagine this, if ur front house is full with dry leaves and rubbish, it will be unpleasant for the neighbours next to ur house to see. Living in the slum means higher chance for u to get sick if u dont take care of ur surrounding hygiene. Biggs is a kind man, and I believe he doesnt want to upset his neighbours

He probably has overthink this matter like "If i dont do this now, I probably dont have time for doing it tomorrow. Maybe I'll broke my leg from the mission and this trash will be left untouched, then there'll be high chance for the children around here to get sick. What if they get infectious disease bcause of this dry leaves? And then the parents will be worried and the Sector 7 Slum will be in chaos etc etc. Time for plan A. Let's clean this place"

Besides, remember the post where I mentioned about Mental Health First Aid? Biggs, as the side character gives the best MFA to Cloud even without knowing what Cloud had gone through. Biggs is just toooo kind with his friends, he cares too much causing him to overthinks about his friends conditions. He can notice even the slightest change in his friend's behaviour and with his own instinct, he cheers for them

Aww man, how can u not love his personality? He's the sweetest side character ever (and kinda hot too).

Soo as the conclusion for my post here, Biggs does not have OCD. He's a side character with a big heart who cares tooooooo deeply about his friends that leads him to overthink too much.

However, if the devs say Biggs really has OCD then my statement about him will be invalid. I'm sure they have put everything in a very close detail look.

Btw, I personally think Biggs kind of portrays the other small side of Cloud, the overthinking part for their romantic partner. But Biggs express his worry through words while Cloud express it through his actions, eg - like how he always keep an eye on Tifa. He never speak it directly like "I'm worry about Tifa, I must help her", he just simply be with her either she needs a help or not. While Biggs clearly says "Jessie been acting weird, I should go if she needs any - help -"

Action speaks louder than words but sometimes our eyes failed to listen.

Alright, that's it. Thanks for being with me till the end.

[asphalt-cocktail]

Third Time’s the Charm

Summary: Little snippets of your and Ben’s childhood friendship and when you finally realized you loved him.

A/N: Hi everyone! This is for DTFRogertaylor’s Valentine’s Day event! I got the ever lovely @killer-queen-xo​. I hope you enjoy the story! I had a ton of fun writing it and sorry it’s a day late!

Pairing: Ben Hardy x F!Reader

Warnings: Language, angst, lots of fluff

Word Count: 4.8k

When you broke your arm, 6 years old  

A knock at your front door alerted your parents to guests, they opened the door to reveal a nice looking woman, an older man and a young boy around your age. The grown ups talked and you were told to “Go out side and play with Ben, sweetie.” Reluctantly you agreed to follow this chubby cheeked blonde haired boy outside to your back yard.

“I’m Ben.” He gave you a big grin, you felt slightly jealous that he had already lost his first tooth. You could tell by big gap in his grin.

“I’m [Y/N],” you offered shyly.

Your folks were still in the middle of unpacking, only having just arrived that morning which unfortunately meant your outside toys were packed away. But, you followed Ben’s gaze to the large oak tree that stood in the middle of your back yard, “I bet you cant get to the top.” Ben challenged you.

You shy timid nature was suddenly shattered, Ben had no idea how seriously your five year old self too challenges, especially from some smug boy “I can do it.” You retorted, running towards the tree as fast as your tiny legs could carry you.

You easily caught your footing on the seemingly perfect placed tree branches and up, up, up you went, “I told you I could do it!” You shouted back at Ben. Your leg slipped on one of the thinning branches and your heart thumped loudly in your chest. You put on a brave face and turned, sitting on a tree branch and looking down to where Ben looked like a tiny ant. You could see everything from up here, well just the tops of the surrounding neighborhood houses, but to your small mind it felt like you could see the whole world.

Ben grinned manically up at you “I cant believe you did it!” He shouted, “I’m gonna come up!” He scrambled towards the base of the climbing tree.

Your watched him run to the base of the tree and suddenly it felt as though you climbed too high. You looked around and attempted to find a place to lower yourself, but the branches became a jumbled mess. You felt overwhelmed and your chest began to heave with nervousness, “Wait!” You yelled back, sounding terrified, “Don’t come up until I come down, I need help.” You felt tears pricking at your vision and sniffed, wiping your eyes.

“Don’t worry!” He looked up at you and held his arms out bravely, “I got you!” He promised.

You shook your head, “I cant do it.” Your vision went blurry and your shoulders shook from crying.

Ben’s face softened “Just jump,” he urged you, “I’ll catch you I promise!”

For some reason, you believed him.

You waved in and out of consciousness, remembering your father carrying you to the car. Ben apologizing frantically and what seemed like an endless number of doctors until you finally woke up.

Your arm was broken in three spots from your fall, it was going to heal just fine but for now you had on an ugly flesh tone cast that prevented you from moving it. You looked around the hospital room, past your parents, “Is Ben here?” You asked eagerly.

Your mother and father looked at each other with slightly apprehensive looks on their face, “Yeah, he’s in the waiting room sweetie.” Your mom said.

“I wanna show him my cast! Can he sign it?” You asked moving your arm, but wincing at the pain.

Your mom sighed, “Yeah I’ll go get him.” She said before walking to the waiting room.

Within a few minutes Ben and his folks filled the room, “Aw man! I thought you died!” Ben grinned at you and scrambled up to sit next to you on the hospital mattress, avoiding his mother’s scolding remarks. He made himself comfortable and sat cross legged, “I thought I really could catch you, you know, but then I didn’t and you just hit the ground like a sack of rocks. You shudda seen your arm!” He eagerly babbled on and on about your fall, and you listened.

When he finished his story you held your arm out to show off your cast, “I want you to be the first on to sign it!” You grinned at him.

Ben looked at you in awe. Signing a cast was a big deal.

Well according to the two of you it was .

He messily scrawled his name down, the letters looking wobbly and unpracticed, “When you break your arm I’ll be the first one to sign it too, promise?” You asked looking up at him wide eyed.

Ben’s brows knit together, “I promise.” He answered back sounding determined.

————

Your First Boyfriend, 18 years old

You were 18 and it was your first year at University, you met Jake in an English class. He offered to edit your papers and wore button downs every day you saw him in class. Naturally a college romance blossomed.

You couldn’t get enough of him, he was funny, smart, charming; truly a package deal. You couldn’t wait to introduce him to your high school best friend, Ben, this was what would seal the deal.

In the weeks leading up to your planned dinner together, you would not stop talking about Jake to Ben.

“Oh my gosh, I can’t wait for you to meet him!” You practically squealed on the phone.

Ben laughed and the phone line crackled, “You’ve been talking about him nonstop for the last three days.” You could hear the grin in his voice and as he spoke.

You laid on your lumpy dorm mattress and looked up at the white painted ceiling, “I know, I’m just excited is all.” You matched his grin, “I think the two of you are really gonna hit it off. He’s into sports too you know.”

“Is that all your basing our friendship off of?” Ben quipped, teasing you, “You know a lot of people like sports.”

After your phone call, you laid back onto your bed. A sudden wave of nerves washing over you; what if he and Ben didn’t get along? What if Ben was different? It was going to be the first time the two of you saw each other since your college moves. Your nerves and excitement churned your tummy in an unpleasant way and kept you awake for most of the night.

You tossed and turned, moving your pillow around, adjusting your blankets, and listening to the rowdy college students that walked through the hallways.

The following morning when you met Ben at the train station, he greeted you with a big warm hug. You inhaled his scent, it reminded you of home.

“So where is this Jake guy?” Ben pressed, throwing his bag into your car.

You shrugged, “He had class this morning so he couldn’t come with, but don’t worry you’ll meet him at dinner!” You tapped at the steering wheel nervously.

Ben told you all about his acting coach and how much he loved living in London. His eyes were bright with excitement as he talked, it caused a surge of warmth to spread through your chest. Ben was always so animated when he talked about something he was passionate for.

Getting to spend the whole day with Ben was exciting and nice, seeing him reminded you of home and back when you weren’t piled neck deep in essays. But, dinner time was what you were truly excited for; your two favorite boys getting to meet each other at last.

You showered and dressed in the bathroom attached to your dorm suite while Ben waited patiently for you to finish getting ready. You wore something casual, yet still nice. When you stepped back into your dorm room Ben’s face lit up, he cast a familiar, warm smile at you “You look great!” He complimented.

A wave of bashfulness washed over you, “Thank you, Benny” You smiled softly at him. “You clean up nicely too.” You said noting how he had changed into a nice button down while you had been getting ready.

When the two of you arrived at the restaurant, Jake had already gotten a table for the two of you inside. Ben was nervous, what if this Jake fella was a complete and total prick? His feelings for you had teetered over the line of best friend for quite sometime now and as much as that it pained him to hear you talk on and on about how great Jake was, he, in all honesty, just wanted you to be happy.

When Ben’s eyes fell upon the infamous Jake he noted the man’s tall thin stature and dark hair, almost the complete opposite of Ben. He pursed his lips into a thin line and felt a pang of jealousy wash over him when Jake greeted you with a hug and kiss on the cheek.

“Jake,” you grinned, “This is Ben, my best friend from back home.”

Ben reached his hand out and gripped Jakes in a firm hand shake; it was as though either one was trying to establish dominance via who gave off the firmer grip, “Pleasure.” Ben said giving a too friendly smile.

The you and Jake sat across from Ben in the booth, “So, [Y/N] tells me you’re going to school for engineering?” Ben asked.

Jake looked up from his bowl of pasta, “Oh yeah, materials focused. I liked music, but the arts didn’t seem like a very practical field of study for future jobs.”

Oof, that felt like a personal attack. Ben’s shoulder’s tensed ever so slightly, “A lot of people don’t go into the arts because they’re too weak to take constructive criticism.” Ben humbled, raising his glass to his lips and quirking his brow at Jake.

“Ben is going to school for acting!” You excitedly mentioned, “He was telling me all about his acting coach and the show he is doing for this semester-”

“I know, [Y/N],” Jake let out a less than amused laugh, “You’ve mentioned it practically a hundred times.” You sunk back into your seat, the familiar glimmer your eyes held now dampened. Ben did not like the tone Jake took with you.

As the night progressed, Ben tried to keep an open mind; but, to put it frankly, he hated Jake. He hated how Jake obviously looked down on you and though he was vastly smarter than you and the condescending remarks he would make and the way Jake constantly had to be holding your hand and shot you a look whenever you tried to take it away from him. None of it sat well with Ben.

“So, Ben, where are you staying tonight?” Jake asked, wiping his mouth with a napkin before he reached back and grabbed your probably too sweaty hand.

“[Y/N]’s floor.” Ben answered truthfully.

“You’re sleeping in the same room at her?” He pressed, brows furrowed.

“Yeah, we’re in college, mate,” Ben reminded your boyfriend, “It’s hard to afford a hotel for a few nights.” The fact that Ben was sleeping on your floor wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for your friendship. When the two of you were younger you would have sleepovers all the time.

“It’s not weird, Jake,” You gave him a reassuring smile and lightly squeezed his hand.

Jake made a face, showing his obvious discomfort with the situation, “Seems a bit weird to me.”

You let out a huff, “What do you not trust me?” You bit back harshly. An uncomfortable air settled between you three and you abruptly shook your hand away from Jake’s, “We’re all adults here, I’m sure Ben and I can sleep in the same room and not have it be weird.” You smoothed your hands over your jeans, “I’m sorry Jake is being so rude, Ben. He normally doesn’t act like this.”

Ben shrugged his shoulders “It’s okay.” It wasn’t, “I’m going to use the restroom I’ll be right back.” He said tossing his napkin from his lap onto the table.

“Fucking hell.” He mumbled, washing his hands with warm water and staring into the mirror. Part of him didn’t want to go back out and face the two of you arguing, he knew that once you got going on something there was really no way for you to back down. But, Jake wouldn’t know that after only knowing you for two months now would he?

Once Ben left the restroom he caught sight of you and Jake still locked in a heated debate and slowly meandered his way over to the table. You rubbed your face in frustration, “You can either sleep at my place and leave Ben in your dorm, or we can break up,” Jake angrily stated. You were obviously not happy with the result.

Ben gaped at your boyfriend, what the hell had he just walked into? You abruptly stood up, throwing a fist full of cash onto the table and grabbed Ben’s arm, “Let’s go.” You said tugging him to leave. You were practically seething with anger as you pulled your best friend through the restaurant, ignoring the stares you got.

“I’m sorry, [Y/N]” Ben said softly once the two of you got to your car, “I didn’t mean to ruin things.” He truly hadn’t, he just wanted to see you happy.

“I cant believe he couldn’t trust me,” You said your voice wavering with emotion. You gripped your steering wheel determined to not let the warm tears that stung at your eyes spill over. You were determined to be strong.

Ben turned towards you, a small frown on your face “Come here,” He said softly, pulling you into his chest, “[Y/N], you deserve so much better than that guy back there.” He cooed while resting his chin on your head.

You inhaled deeply; Ben smelt like spearmint gum, the cheap cologne you always made fun of him for wearing, and home. You finally let out a broken sob, allowing yourself to relax into Ben’s warm and familiar embrace, “I cant believe that he would actually think I would just leave you all alone in my room like that.” You said into Ben’s chest, your words muffled, “I made you come all the way from London to visit me, I’m not throwing it away just because some suit tells me to.”

Ben couldn’t help but let out a little laugh, “You know I was going to wait tell you this, but I brought a box of those cookies my mom always bakes with.”

You pulled away and looked at Ben, eyes red and slightly swollen from tears, “Ben, those are my favorite.” Your face contorted once more as you threatened to cry. Your best friend cupped your face, wiping away your tears and you smiled at him before leaning over to place a soft kiss on his cheek, “Thanks, Ben, what did I do to deserve a best friend like you.”

—————

His date to the world premier 28 years old

You stood in the mirror and looked at yourself. You could hardly believe that the person who looked back at you was in face yourself. Ben invited you to accompany him to the special premier of his most recent movie, Bohemian Rhapsody. You knew it was going to be big, but you didn’t think it was going to be designer dress, get your hair and makeup professionally done, big. But it was.

“Come on, the car is going to be here soon to pick us up!” Ben shouted as he walked past the door in long rushed strides. He stopped and backed up before turning to look at you once more, “You clean up nicely.” He gave you the same cheeky grin and admiring the soft curve of your hips in the dress he helped you pick out.

Your face felt hot when you looked at Ben, his black suit jacket covered his black mesh top, only allowing a stripe of skin to show. You swallowed thickly, suddenly the tight bodice of your dress felt too tight for you to breathe comfortably, “You, uh, you look nice too.” You attempted to play it cool, but your voice gave away your struggle.

“The car.” Ben said suddenly breaking the silence.

“Oh right! Shit, I need to get my shoes on, give me a second.” You said quickly sliding one foot into your pumps. You struggled to balance on one heeled foot and wobbled, your arms spreading out to steady yourself. You stumbled slightly “Woah,” You mumbled, furrowing your eyebrows now determined to put your shoe on. Ben reached out and his surprisingly soft hands gripped yours in his own. He stood firmly and you felt something stir within the depths of your belly from his touch. You ignored your swimming thoughts and slipped your other shoe on with ease.

What you had pictured this grandiose event to be was dwarfed by the actual scale of the event. As soon as you and Ben exited the limo you were met with a barrage of flashing lights and a wall of people yelling. The sounds overwhelmed your senses and the voices of the thousands of people gathered soon morphed into one giant voice that hammered away at your ear drums and caused your head to spin. You gripped Ben’s hand tightly and buried your face into the back of his shoulder as you stood behind him while he and his costars conversed with a reporter.

Ben glanced over his shoulder and leaned his head onto yours, his thumb smoothing over the skin on the back of your hand, “You okay?” He murmured.

You looked at him with wide and slightly terrified eyes, “‘M fine.” You huffed out.

Ben let out a small huffing laugh “Liar.” He teased, “I’ll be right back, I’ve got to show [Y/N] where the bathroom is.” He said politely excusing himself and leading you to a back area with refreshments. He grabbed a bottle of fancy water and opened it before handing it to you.

You drank down the cool liquid and sighed, “How the hell do you do it?” You asked shaking your head in disbelief.

Ben shrugged his shoulders, “It’s overwhelming, but it’s also nice to know so many people are appreciating something that you do.” He stuffed his hands into his fitted dress pants and pursed his lips into a thin line, “It helps having you with though, you know, it eases the nerves a bit.” His cheeks were flushed a slight pink color and he was smiling softly.

After the after party and a healthy amount of drinks the two of you some how managed to stumble your way back to the hotel suite Ben had booked for the night. You held your heels in one hand and leaned on Ben’s shoulder while the two of you giggled about nothing and fumbled through your purse to find the key card, “Come on, Ben.” You whined and slurred your words together from intoxication, “My feet hurt and I have to pee.” You leaned on him, your chin resting on his shoulder as Ben continued to rummage through your purse, past the lipstick and cards that made up its contents.

Ben turned towards you, your noses practically touching. He let out a shaky breathy that bounced off your face, it smelled like alcohol but you didn’t mind. “I found it.” He stated holding the card up, his voice suddenly gone hoarse.

He struggled to swipe it through the card reader, distracted by how your breath tickled the hairs on the back of his neck. He threw the door open and let out a sigh of relief once you pulled away from him. You quickly pushed past him and flopped down onto the bed, spreading your arms out and snuggling onto the soft comforter.

Ben messily kicked his shoes off and began to unbutton his mesh shirt. You glanced over at him and you felt heat spread from the tip of your nose to the back of your neck.

You sat up and handed Ben his jacket that he graciously gave you to keep you warm during the after party before you began to struggle with the zipper on the back of your dress. You stood up, your arms and body contorting in different ways so you could attempt to reach the zipper, but it proved to be a far bigger struggle than you were prepared for, “Benny?” You asked in a small voice.

He glanced up at you, swaying from side to side. You didn’t know if it was from nerves or alcohol, “Hmm?” He hummed.

You turned your back to him “Can you help me?” You sounded sheepish.

Ben swallowed thickly “yeah, course.” He answered and padded over to you.

He gripped the small zipper in his large fingers and eased it down, his face feeling hotter and hotter as more and more skin began to reveal itself to him. Without any thought, his fingertips lightly followed the zipper, tracing your skin in its wake and causing goosebumps to rise on your skin and your nerves to stand on end.

You shivered. You obviously felt it. He felt it.

A thick tension settled between the two of you and you were hit with an abrupt wall of sobriety. “Thank you,” Your voice was just barely above a whisper. You clutched the front of your dress to your chest and you grabbed your sleep clothes before shuffling away to the bathroom, the fabric of your dress pooling around your feet and rustling as you walked.

The following morning your head felt like it was swimming, not because of your hang over, but because of Ben.

The same Ben that had dared you to jump out of a tree when you were 8 years old and caused you to break your arm after he promised to catch you. The Ben that remembered the promise the two of you made after you broke your arm and wouldn’t let the rugby team sign the cast for his broken arm until you did. The Ben that was there for you when your first boyfriend dumped you and there for you for the several others that followed. The Ben that took you to the world premier of his movie and helped you pick out a lavish dress.

You sat in the bathroom, towel wrapped around your body and head in your hands while in deep ponderous thought. Why did you always been so much warmth every time the two of you hugged? You groaned in frustration, you could not have feelings for Ben.

But you knew you did. It gnawed at your insides like a parasite.

You sat there long enough for parts of your hair to dry before Ben knocked at the door, “[Y/N]?” He asked, “You okay in there?” He pressed

You jumped slightly surprised, “Yeah, sorry, just scrolling through twitter.” You answered back before you quickly rushed to get your clothes on.

“Did you still want to get breakfast?” Ben asked, you could hear the hopefulness behind his voice. That boy sure did love food.

You held your hand on the door knob and stared at it before opening it, “Yeah we can.” You answered, a small smile playing on your face.

You opened the door, only to be met staring face to face with Ben. “Excuse me.” You teasingly poked his chest so that he would move.

Ben stepped off to the side and allowed you space to slip past before he went in the bathroom to get ready.

You mindlessly scrolled through social media, but not before your eyes caught a news report on the movie premier. You licked your lips, unsure on if you should click and read through it. Going against your gut feeling you found yourself scrolling through and looking at the glorious images the photographers captured. You saw pictures of yourself and hardly recognized your own face all done up for a Hollywood party, and you saw pictures of Ben looking as stunning as ever on the red carpet.

As you continued to scroll through the feed you took note of the pictures of you and Ben, how he constantly was touching some part of your body in a tasteful manner whether it was a hand placed on the small of your back or lacing his fingers in his own.

It looked… natural…

The little glances that were captured showed how enamored you seemed to be with the man and how he equaled your affectionate gaze. Your stomach clenched at how the two of you looked like an actual couple.

“[Y/N].” Ben said, suddenly sounding close.

You jumped and immediately locked your phone before you turned to the side and smiled at Ben nervously. “Hey,” You said giving him a tight lipped smile.

“Are you okay?” He asked, “You look, off?” He didn’t know the word to use that explained your expression.

It was a combination of awe and longing.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You said and picked at the imaginary lint on your pants, “So about that food.” You let out in a quick breath.

“Oh, right, I’m starved.” He grinned and patted his tummy for added effect.

Despite feeling hungry you picked at your plate like a bird while Ben filled his belly full of breakfast food. “Are you sure you’re fine?” Ben pressed, arching his brow and letting his fork loosely hang in his hand.

You nodded your head, “Yeah, why?”

“You haven’t even put syrup on you pancakes, you just put butter on them and watched it melt.”

Right.

You shrugged, “Dunno, I’m just thinking.” You answered honestly.

Ben quirked his head at you in confusion, “About what?”

You.

“Last night.”

Ben felt his blood freeze, “What about last night?” He put his fork down, “I’m sorry if the paps overwhelmed you, I should have warned you about it ahead of time.” He followed, sounding genuinely worried by your little freak out on the red carpet.

You shook your head, “No it wasn’t that.” You chewed on the bottom of your lip nervously, “I just…” you didn’t know how to properly communicate how you were feeling, “I don’t know, I’m just being dumb.” You looked away and averted his gaze.

Ben reached over the table and gripped your hand in his own, smoothing his fingers over the soft skin on the back of your hand, “Don’t ever say that, [Y/N], you’re one of the most brilliant people I know.” Ben said giving your hand a soft squeeze and letting it linger there for a while.

It felt like his fingertips were burning into your skin. Even when he pulled away, you could still feel them lingering, “Why are you so nice to me.” You asked, half joking.

Ben shifted in his seat uncomfortably, “Because I like you.” He answered honestly and abruptly, “I have since I saw you climb to the top of that tree in your backyard.”

It felt like your heart skipped a beat in your chest, “Ben, that’s been more than twenty years.” You said back to him slightly shocked at his confession.

It felt like your eyes were staring holes right through him, “I know.” He firmly stood his ground on what he said.

You looked down at your hand where his fingers last touched yours and then back up at Ben who was staring at his plate, “I like you too.” You said shyly.

After your breakfast, Ben drove you back to your apartment and walked you up to the door where he lingered for a moment, obviously needing something to say, “Can I take you on a real date?” He asked, suddenly shy and red faced.

You smiled softly at him and shook your head, “Was taking me to the world premier of your movie not a date?” You joked.

Ben laughed and shrugged, “I didn’t know it was, so I told the reporters you were just a friend.” He answered honestly and scratched at the back of his neck.

You couldn’t help but join him in laughter, “Then yes, you can, but only if you kiss me.” You felt a sudden wave of boldness wash over you and your words fell out before you could close up with nerves.

Ben gave you a wide, toothy grin and brought his hand up to your face. He cupped your cheek in his palm and pulled you close, his lips lightly brushed against yours before he closed what little pace there was. His lips were chapped and he tasted like left over syrup from breakfast, but you didn’t mind.

You melted into his touch and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer against you and sighed against his mouth. There was something so familiar about his touch, it comforted you and caused a surge of warmth to spread through your body. The cool December air was long forgotten.

[lnarizakis]

a two-player game (2 lives left!) | k. kenma

masterlist

2 lives left! | a two-player game: kozume kenma x f! reader 

STATISTICS

PLAYER ONE: KOZUME KENMA.

SHOCK: — — — — — 5/5

OBLIVIOUSNESS: — — — 3/5

ADVICE-GIVING: — — — — 4/5

FRIENDLINESS: — — — 3/5

IN LOVE: — — — — — 5/5

PLAYER TWO: (L/N) (Y/N).

SHOCK: — 1/5

OBLIVIOUSNESS: — — — — 4/5

ADVICE-GIVING: — — — 3/5

FRIENDLINESS: — — — — — 5/5

IN LOVE: — — — — — 5/5

(U/N): hello? u still there?

(U/N): hellooooo

(U/N): afk much? haha

(U/N): u didnt finish what u were sYing\

Kenma stared at his screen, wondering what he should say. His mind wandered, thinking about the fact that (Y/N) was somewhere out there, in the comforts of her own home, sitting and playing the same game he was playing. He thought about how she was probably sitting cross-legged, or slouched, or her back completely straight as she probably wore headphones over her ears, or earbuds tucked in the confines of her ears, or blasted the game soundtrack through the speakers of her computer. Kenma sighed, as he slouched back in his chair. A blush crept over his face. He was talking to his crush over a video game. It was practically like texting her. Kenma began to type once more.

applepi: yea im still here

applepi: so abt my crush

No, no, no! What was he doing? He couldn’t possibly tell his crush about his crush! Why? Why would he do that?! He immediately typed in a “never mind.” Despite some protests from the other person, the two pretended to forget that ever happened.

—

All throughout the weekend, Kenma sulked and sulked. There was no particular reason, but he just felt so uncomfortable knowing that he told his crush that he had a crush on someone. There was also the factor that (Y/N) didn’t seem quite interested in what he had to say about his predicament, unlike past times where he could talk about anything he wanted and she would gladly contribute all she had to offer to help the poor boy out.

And so the terrible weekend had ended. It was a nice break for Kenma, being away from everything and everyone; he immersed himself in the virtual world as he let go of all of his worries. But now he had to face reality once more - he had to face (Y/N), the terrible final boss. He had so many more enemies he had to defeat (his teammates, according to Kenma), but the powerful weapon of ignoring them always beat them in the end.

He wanted to stay in his bad mood for the entire school day. It was his plan, and it was a really good plan, but (Y/N) just had to ruin it.

Kenma sat at his desk in his classroom that morning they returned from the weekend. He stared at the nothingness that lay before him on his desk until he heard the sweet sound of (Y/N)’s voice when she came through the door to the classroom. He heard her laugh as she greeted those around her a good morning. He relished in the music as she walked towards her desk.

“Good morning, Kenma-kun!” (Y/N) chirped, as she sat down. Kenma jumped at the sudden words, and he felt warmth everywhere, especially in his cheeks. He smiled at the sound of her greeting, and said one back. God, no one could make him feel the way she makes him feel when he’s around her. He took a deep breath, knowing that his unrequited love consumed his whole heart. Ah, if he were only as smooth as Kuroo was and knew his way with words.

10 DAMAGE TAKEN!

Kenma frowned; from a mile away, one could tell he was clearly in a bad mood. He hung his head down low, as he was reminded of (Y/N)’s date last weekend.

“Kenma-kun, are you okay? Is there something wrong?” (Y/N) asked, her voice laced with concern. Her eyes studied his face, discontentment written all over it. She wondered what she should do; if only she could consult applepi in this situation. The setter faced (Y/N) and he smiled.

“Ah, it’s nothing, (Y/N)-san, please don’t worry,” he murmured, hoping that she would get the feeling that he would like to be left alone.

10 DAMAGE TAKEN!

And so for the rest of the time they sat next to each other during class, (Y/N) thought about everything that applepi had advised her to do with every problem that she had:

(U/N): help!!! i cant decide between buying a sword or a dagger from this shopkeeper

applepi: hm get a sword bc u will get more gold out of the enemy

—

(U/N): theres this one friend i have & i feel like she rlly hates me??/?

applepi: are you only focusing on the small details?

applepi: look at the big picture & notice her behavior around u,

applepi: is it different from when shes around other ppl?

—

(U/N): do u think its weird that talking to u feels like an escape from reality?

applepi: no i feel the same.

applepi: i think that talking to someone u barely know is a good way to let loose bc they dont know who u r

—

(U/N): how do you get rid of the feeling of missing someone?

applepi: i talk to them thru text as if they were sitting right next to me

applepi: like how im talking to u right now

...

(Y/N) looked down at her notes to see that she had written nothing compared to all the complicated words written on the blackboard. She had been staring at the blackboard daydreaming about how she had fallen in love with her internet best friend. (Y/N) thought it was silly, really; it was stupid how she had fallen in love over text on a screen. But those words, all of those words that some guy out there named “applepi” had accompanied her throughout her best and her worst times. She could stay up all night to see them up as well, fighting away enemies to clear the level. From in-game items to wise words of advice, (Y/N) owed so much to this person.

And Kenma had no idea that his crush liked him back.

+1 OBLIVIOUSNESS!

—

(Y/N) was a very friendly person; everybody in the volleyball club could see that. It seemed to Kenma, of course, that (Y/N) was the friendliest with Kuroo Tetsuro, the captain. All throughout practice they would constantly make jokes with each other, teasing and pushing each other around. It hurt Kenma; it really did. But (Y/N) did not know that.

In fact, after that dreaded date over the weekend, (Y/N) and Kuroo promised to each other that they would not go out on a second date. They realized that they were better off as friends, for Kuroo could sense in (Y/N)’s eyes and her words that she had the ability to break Kenma out of his shell, even further than Hinata had done. She also told off Kuroo, telling him that she couldn’t date someone who had such weird bed-head hair, much to his disdain. He couldn’t get rid of it! And besides… she already had someone in her heart.

But the point of the matter is: Kenma was taking this completely the wrong way. He watched with jealous eyes as Kuroo and (Y/N) shared playful banter. Her beautiful laugh rang in Kenma’s ears for all the wrong reasons.

10 DAMAGE TAKEN!

As they practiced serving, Kuroo used this as an opportunity to try out his jump serves. He was consistent, but the one time he hit it into the net, (Y/N), who was watching for stray balls, called out to him, teased him to no end. The other teammates laughed on, especially Haiba Lev, whose serves were just as bad. Kenma mentally cursed at Kuroo, for stealing away (Y/N). He could never possibly curse at him for real; everyone would be in shock at his sudden outburst and ask him what was wrong. (Y/N) would ask him what was wrong. And if that happened… he would freeze up and definitely lose another life.

10 DAMAGE TAKEN!

When they began practicing receiving, Taketora called out to Yaku to try out Karasuno’s libero’s “Rolling Thunder,” or whatever it was called, to which Kuroo made a sarcastic remark that Yaku could never pull off something as flashy as that. (Y/N) laughed, despite not knowing what the “Rolling Thunder” move was. Once again, Kenma mentally told off Kuroo to stop saying funny things that (Y/N) could laugh at. His jokes were the ones that made (Y/N) laugh; he knows this because she laughed at all the jokes he made over their chat in their video game.

10 DAMAGE TAKEN!

During their water break, Kuroo and (Y/N) played a little chasing game as she playfully refused to hand him his water bottle. She tossed his bottle to Taketora, who then threw it to Fukunaga, handing it over to Yaku. Kuroo chased the libero around, who passed it on to Inuoka. He gave a hearty laugh as he tossed it to Lev. Silly, clumsy Lev called out to Kenma as the tall boy threw it to Kenma, who with his slow reaction did not catch it in time. The lid of the bottle flew open, and water poured out everywhere. Everyone else watched in shock, but the initial shock passed by them as they all began laughing.

Kenma thought they were all laughing at him.

10 DAMAGE TAKEN!

The same ordeals continued even after the water break, and after a millennia later, the practice ended. Kenma, along with everyone else, helped clean up after practice. They also cleaned up the little water spill, which (Y/N) thanked Kenma for helping clean up.

Kenma changed his clothes in the club room. He was the only one inside, as Kuroo and (Y/N) were outside waiting for him. He could hear their laughter through the doors. Then they suddenly went silent. Kenma groaned, knowing that they were probably making out or something, as he buttoned his uniform back up.

10 DAMAGE TAKEN!

He opened the door, and to his surprise, Kuroo and (Y/N) were actually not exploring each others’ mouths with their tongues. Instead, he opened the door to see a smirking Kuroo and a very, very flustered (Y/N). She gasped slightly when she caught sight of Kenma and she turned her flustered face away from his prying eyes. Poor Kenma thought that he had accidentally caught them making out and they pulled away right as he opened the door.

10 DAMAGE TAKEN!

And so he walked away, leaving them in the dust.

10 DAMAGE TAKEN!

He thought he heard her call out, “Kenma-kun, wait!”

10 DAMAGE TAKEN!

1 LIFE LEFT! FINAL LIFE!

—

hello! thank you for reading! next part is the last part, so please comment if you want me to tag you on the last part! whatchu guys think so far? lemme know! i also take requests too........... B)

taglist (comment/ask to be added!): @i-bitch-you-bitch @cadememe @animefan7420 (wont let me tag u :( !!!!) @issalilmessy

[oikawa13]

love in the time of köttbullar

Shouyou sets the bowl on the tiny table with a flourish and an itadakimasu! and this is when it hits Atsumu harder than a Skurup to the temple:He wants this. Shouyou, hip cocked against the miniature kitchen countertop, smiling shyly up at Atsumu through the amber fan of his lashes, beautiful god-boy-man somehow glowing gold even under the buzzy LED lighting. Though they’re standing in a 430,000 square foot warehouse in Tsurumachi, Atsumu’s looking at Shouyou, and he’s home.

Amid the Flärdfull and the Smörboll, Miya Atsumu falls a little more in love.

words: 3,378 | rating: T

i’ve never been inside an ikea so this fic quite literally changed me as a person. sometimes loving a person is as scary as saying that first i love you!!!! and sometimes... love is easy as saying i love you at an ikea ; ;

LAUNCHING MERRILY DOWN THE PATH OF SIN (THE FIRST TIME)

"Bokuto said I should bring you home. But I don’t know where you live. So I took you here.”

“To hell?”

"No, Atsumu-san. To my apartment."

words: 1,990 | rating T

i wake up in the middle of the night thinking about this fic and then go on ao3 to reread it again its just so fdjgfhdjf good. i think about this shoyo a lot. theres something!!!! very dreamy going on here. this is the first part to a series btw, you can read them all if you want since theyre probably all around 1k :-)

lord i no longer believe in anything but the way he holds my name between his teeth

The miracle of the rabbit on the moon.

“We took this photo at their seventh birthday party. His father baked a cake. But someone ate all the jellybeans off the top before they could even sing the birthday song. That’s why Atsumu cried. He used to cry a lot. It stopped when the twins found out about volleyball, but before that Atsumu would cry over everything. Spilled milk. A skinned knee. The neighbor’s dog. He was the twin that was scared of paper straws. It's funny how things have changed.

“He looks happier now. Did you do that?”

words: 10,456 | rating: T

so, this goes just a liiiiitle past 10k so its up to you if you want to read it or not, i just thought i’d include it since its so! close! lol theres this part!!!!! they are holding hands underneath the table!!!!!!!!! atsumu are you drunk?!!! no!!!!! hes just so stupidly in love with shoyo. i cant stand them!!!!!!!!!!!

wait for it, wait for it

The notifications are up at 100+ again and Hana wants to check it quickly to make sure nothing's wrong, especially because she'd just cleared them before the media scrum. The fans, she figured, must be overjoyed with the win.Congratulations MSBY Nation!!! the first reply reads. #myspiker #atsuhinaBoth tags, she finds, are currently trending in Japan.

Five times #atsuhina trended on volleyball Twitter and one time it should have (but luckily didn't), as told by the MSBY Black Jackals' junior publicist

words: 6,043 | rating: T

this fic is SOOOOO much fun!!!!!! also i love hana, idk if i ever mentioned that before but yeah. this is like... hdjkdhgjfd so much ; ; <3

south of an early summer

Warmth, then, was being wanted back. Two weeks later, Atsumu holds that warmth in by Shouyou’s waist; he watches it, how it sleeps, and wonders what the heat will become next.

words: 2,602 | rating T | tw: atsumu being atsumu about (past) kg/hn for a split second

IF i wasnt an absolute fool and gave you all these recommendations to pick and choose from id just send you this and the walking emoji bc honestly!!!!!!!!! i may not know what the heck romantic means but i see this and maybe it is romantic! maybe its not the average romantic idk?!!!! but i do know theres something beautiful here. love ?? ; ;

truths in two’s

Shouyou leaves for Brazil in two hours.

words: 8,300 | rating: T

LDR.... but like, in probably one of the easiest 2 breathe/good feeling fic for ldr!!!! idk im a baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ten reasons to break up with me: a love letter

1. It has to be you, ‘cause I won’t.

words: 4,197 | rating: T

pls....... i cant even THINK about this fic without crying okay!!!!!!!! insane. fuckign!!!! i love it so much, so much. it lives in my heart. this is the fic where i was like... i dont believe in love. yes i do. no<3 YES!!!!!!!! and cried and paced my room and finally FINALLY!!!!!! stopped feeling so hurt about hinata leaving for brazil again lmao!! like, i cant explain. this sounds crazy right???? anyway, i think... atsuhina can love each other so much it hurts when theyre apart but their love is so.... i mean......... they literally waited years to play together... so......... their love keeps them going..... GOODBYE!!!! i love listening to fka twigs cellophane & home with you and just..... being insane. 

just can’t help myself

Five times Hinata takes care of Atsumu, and one time Atsumu returns the favor.

words: 5,025 | rating: T

*think about atshn taking care of each other* *cries*

blue crush

And there’s a promise there, sewn into the easy curve of his lips: I’m not going anywhere, Atsumu-san. Glittering eyes that cut through the rain-blurry dark like a beacon when Shouyou turns back to look up at him. Even if you fuck up all of our dates.

Murphy’s Law as demonstrated by Miya Atsumu.

words: 2,297 | rating: T

atsumu trying very hard to have things perfect and romantic and even in the failures its still very lovely<3

If I’m Icarus, You Must be the Sun (Allow me Three Mistakes)

He wonders if Icarus felt like nothing was wrong with self-destructing, because he had reveled in the sun, if only for a little while.

Atsumu finds, loving Hinata is the same.

Atsumu's love over the years, and the mistakes that accompany it.

words: 4,620 | rating: T

i am...very weak to the whole icarus/sun thing with hinata and his ships. this one though......... i think about it A lot.

in your eyes, i see our future

“Yer’ a real sweetheart, Hinata Shouyou.”

Shouyou smiles brilliantly. “Only for you~”

He scoots over so Shouyou can sit next to him. He can smell the pineapple body wash Shouyou is so fond of the moment he sits down. Shouyou passes the tray over carefully before settling against the headboard comfortably.

“What’s the occasion?"

(Or, Atsumu just really wants to marry Shouyou.)

words: 9,769 | rating: T

fhdsjjkjfdsj goes crazy stupid over marriage!!!!! listen... i do not believe in marriage!!!!! but for atsuhina, oh you bet i do!!!! :-)

breathing a hello

There’s no significance to them ending up here except that both of their lives are held in the sway of volleyball. Everything else comes second.That’s the crux of it, really.

words: 2,826 | rating: T

gjhfsjkfd shhhhhhhhh. my heart is very soft when i think of them here, please..... just!!!! pls.

if you’re out there in the cold, i’ll cover you in moonlight

My [23M] best friend and ex-boyfriend [23M] is visiting me for a week, and my current boyfriend [24M] who agreed to all of this is suddenly withdrawing from me. Can I get some advice? Please? Anyone?

words: 8335 | rating: T | chapters: 3 | tw: past kg/hn 😳

this one is optional since you wanted one shots and theres 3 chapters here. my idea of romantic is...well, i especially love when one of them is acting hurtful/mean/difficult to the other bc their own personal issues but the other loves them anyway??? and then they work on that issue!!! just!!!!! ; ;

Love in the Time of Insomnia

And anyway Hinata was sprinting out faithfully after Atsumu, who had keys to the gym like a badass, and who was going to give his spikers a few more tosses after-hours without Meian knowing like the greatest, most generous badass the Jackals had ever seen. 

words: 2,457 | rating: G

running four kilometers just so atsumu can rest. this is what romantic means!!!! hdkshjfhdj

ode to what you’d have been

5 times it’s Kageyama’s fault and the 1 time Hinata realizes it has never been.

words: 3,628 | rating: G

loving someone including their flaws PART 2!!!!!! ok.... u might be like... um... this is romantic? hfdkhjfd LISTEN!!!! to me!!! there is nothing more romantic than being in love with someone and the ugly parts of them. going, i love you, all of you. and communication!!! and understanding!!! and feeling terrible and shitty and horrible but having the one you love accept you. and trying to help ease your mind, worries. *sobs real hard* also shout out 2 ‘okaaayy.... i hate sakusa now’

a shrine for a  boy

Despite his uncertainty about how to tell Atsumu of his move to São Paulo, Hinata takes action. Things do not go according to plan.

words: 2,447 | rating: G

hinatas time 2 be romantic and fail but its ok bc!!!!!!!!!! :-) they are just dummies in love<3

the greatest distance between you and longing is defeat

(In other words: Atsumu, let go. I’m here now.)

words: 3,310 | rating: G

um... *cries* post break up.... o_o!!!! god they really thought they could????? lmao!!!!!!

the tear in this (our gentle language)

“I’m going back to Brazil.”

He isn’t asking for permission. This isn’t a consultation. Hinata Shouyou informs his boyfriend at their after-practice practice. Miya Atsumu has a volleyball in each arm, trying to pick up a third. It drops and rolls away from him. The thud resounding in an empty gymnasium.

Shouyou had tried to envision Atsumu’s reaction many times. He never expected to be met with silence.

Alternatively: an exploration of Hinata Shouyou’s return to Brazil

words: 7,204 | rating: M

ldr CAN be romantic ok!!!!!!!! it takes a lot of communication, time, and love ; ;

evening sun

Atsumu looks at Shouyou and thinks, I want to know every inch of you.

words: 1,502 rating: M