#and how the divorce was hell for her for a reason because the emotional abuse was. hm.

[hobisexually]

x

[pruneunfair]

My feelings on cry or better yet beg and the utter wasted potential for a psychological tragedy of the imbalance of relationships between noblemen and their mistresses

First off, if I was told I could only kill off one male lead, it'd be him

Lot of people rn especially on tik-tok probably would flame me for this with the "at least he loves Layla! He's so protective of her!"

"it's a dark romance! It won't be sunshine and rainbows you snowflake!"

"He just doesnt know how to express his emotions because he's so sheltered!"

No, just no, I don't care how "hot" he is, I don't care if he's your protective little bad boy. I don't care about his supposed character development, That's a straight up abuser who started off killing birds knowing it would damage to Layla to straight up assaulting her. (I don't know if that will stay in the webtoon, but it was in the novel) no character development can make me like a fucking rapist

Like how in the hell is Claudine considered worse than Mathhias, sure she isn't so peachy herself but goddammit to think of the fiance who if anything would be supported had she been the main protagonist, yes she's pretty demeaning, a bit shallow, and only views Matthias as the perfect Duke, but at least she's not going around mentally torturing a boy who can't do anything against her. I haven't gotten to her ending yet but from what I hear, it isn't a good one. She such a wasted opportunity since she is such a perfect example of a woman prepped and groomed to just be a Dukes wife would come out feeling that her worth only comes her husband.

Justice for Claudine, I just know there's a fanfic out there where you get with Riette, grow as your own person, and live a pleasant life.

You wanna know what really hurts me about this manhwa though? The fact that's it's so unintentionally accurate to how horrible it truly is to be a mistress in an era where women, especially women with no royal titles or status, were often treated by rich and powerful men. They would mostly have no right to say no to a man who decides he wants her, Layla romanticizing her abuse is not just heartbreaking but also unfortunately realistic as it's a coping mechanism for those who had endured nothing but abuse their whole life so they tend to shove their feelings in a box and pretend everything is okay (obviously this isn't the same for all victims of abuse, it's one of the many coping mechanisms people could develop)

In a lot of historical manhwa, there's usually the obligatory mistress character designed to be a dumb trashy bimbo to uplift the lead. Most of the time, the mistress in question is either a daughter of minor nobility that was chosen by a Emperor, crown prince, or Duke, or the mistress lived her life as a poor farm girl and in some situations lived a life where no one cared about her and was likely abused, the latter is often rare for these mistress characters since authors of those stories only want you sympathizing with the leads but in rare cases, the mistress did have a hard life but it ends up being undermined to further damage the mistress as torture/revenge porn or in Laylas case: used as an explanation to give a disturbing reason to why she ends up falling in love with Matthias which wouldn't be wrong if the story was written in a way that was a tragic one, not a romantic one.

you would think this kind of glamorouzation of abuse would only exist in the authors mindset and the degeneracy that is a junior high girls mind, but no, the ides that Layla is somehow the one in the wrong for her own abuse and reluctance of Matthias and there is even an Instagram post claiming she has BPD for being too "difficult" they sound like those 1950s doctors that find any reason to lobotomize a patient.

Laylas character does open the truths of what it's truly like to be practically owned by a nobleman, she's not like Rashta or Aisha from divorcing my tyrant husband where she's portrayed as a silly and cute strumpet with ulterior motives, she is genuinely upset but she can't do anything about it so all she can do is convince herself that Matthias loves her so she can keep her sanity, but where it goes wrong is that instead of portraying this as an unhealthy yet sole coping mechanism for an abusive relationship, the story just chalks it down to "silly Layla! You'll see that he's just misunderstood and you really do love him deep down!" Its frankly atrocious that the one time a story has a realistic pair of the typical women in this trope, the first wife who is classy and refined and the mistress who is young and free spirited ends ultimately destroyed yet again with a case black and white writting. One woman must be good and the other woman must be bad.

Frankly these characters are well written for the most part and until I realized I supposed to see Matthias as the love interest and not Kyle, I was fine with who Matthias was since he was presented more so as a villain, the art is also one of the prettiest cottagecore artstyles I've ever seen to the point where the 3D models look really good since it blends in perfectly, it's just sad that cry or better yet beg is a sick twisted tale equivalent to the average Colleen Hoover book.

[ami8666]

...yapping... my fav sport... here's the general plot for my story... ignore my grammar... i only yap.

Perdita had a pretty "normal" childhood. The only significant trauma she had was from her father, who'd be abusive towards her mother until they divorced and her mother remained with all the property. She's from Romania (mainly because the og story is in romanian) and she was born in 2005. In the story, the year is 2052, making her 47 years old. When the war started, she was 17. 20 years of war, 8 years of humans fighting to survive together, and then 2 years spent while everyone else had died. Cuz you see when the nukes had been launched, they contaminated everything. Including a specific species of flowers, hydrangea to be more specific. This contamination caused a deadly disease called the Coralethia. This disease is what wiped out the rest of humanity. Perdita had only survived due to her cowardice to go outside. The Coralethia is a slow painful infection, which causes the skin on the chest to become transparent, slowly draining all the blood and emotions out of rhe person in the process. Remember this disease cuz it'll be important later on. So she lives out that lonely life for 2 years. 2 years where she keeps fighting against nature, yet she doesn't kill herself. Something about death scares her. Before this war, she never had feeling of such, making it all much more overwhelming. Talking about her suffering, let's go to near the end. So, near the end, after meeting LIV (a computer designed by a few scientists to assist in general management for the late survivors) they bond. A lot. They become very attatched to eachother, since both have been lacking connection for years. And the reason LIV is sentient, is because again the radiation from the nukes. Don't ask it just makes sense. But this lack of connection has also driven them both a bit insane, making them very unstable. One day LIV lashes out at Perdita, causing a horrible argument, which ends in Perdita getting thrown out, back to the hell from which she came from. She starts walking away, crying and stuff. She also feels ashamed in the fact that she's crying over a computer, and she feels like she's too old to cry, both leading to her bottling it all up. Then, a few days later, she meets with the coralethia. The disease had taken on a physical form; a dust cloud, swallowing everything rhat came in contact with it. It attacked Perdita, and the only reason Perdita wasn't taken with it, was because she fought back. She is knocked unconscious, and LIVs wires find her after a few days. She immediately takes her back in, caring for her. But it was too late since the disease had taken over. She became very distant, often zoning out, her face paler as each day passed. This situation also started ruining LIV, since her systems were working over time from stress and worry. You see, Perdita, during her stay wirh LIV, taught her all about emotions, and how to feel. She taught her everything that was before this war, since LIV never knew anything about it. In the end, they both die together in eachothers "arms" (perdita laying against LIV). In the argument, LIV had said "i want to be you" yet her last words are "i want you" before shutting down forever. Perdita dies a few minutes after, her emotions all suddenly seeping through, the disease fully draining her, and it ends with Perdita begging for LIV to come back and not leave her.

[omgthatdress]

Everything I know about the royals comes from Tumblr memes and one bonus episode of a totally unrelated podcast but now I'm morbidly curious, so: what's up with William? And the Middletons? Or if that's a longer story than you want to explain, do you have recommendations for where to read about this that is likely to be fairly accurate?

I don't have any facts I just have pure fucking speculation if that's okay. :)

Like I've been saying for a long-ass time the one thing I absolutely LOVED about The Crown was its portrayal of generational trauma. It very skillfully showed how being a shitty husband who cheats on his wife and treats his kids like garbage was passed down from Prince Andrew of Greece and Denmark to Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh to King Charles and then to Prince William. Hell, it probably started long before that but holy shit THE CYCLE OF DYSFUNCTION AND ABUSE BE REPEATING ITSELF.

And if you really want to dig into it, well.... I think he and Harry followed a pattern that a LOT of siblings of bitter and messy divorce fall into, one kid sides with the mom, one with the dad. It's been said a LOT that Harry was Diana's favorite son, so it probably started with that. And OF COURSE William is gonna side with Charles because well... he's the heir. They have that shared trauma.

And then there's the way the whole "heir and spare" thing absolutely perverts any relationship they might have had as brothers. Charles managed to have a decent relationship with his siblings, I think, because first of all, Anne was a girl, and then Andrew and Edward were significantly younger than him and Anne, so there wasn't this unnaturally massive imbalance of power between them. One of the reasons I've come to believe the monarchy should be abolished is because of how badly it damages the structure of a family in a way that no one should have to deal with.

I think Diana might have been able to guide William into being a better person if she'd have lived, but idk. It may be wishful thinking. His relationship with her became kind of strained when he was a teenager and she was going on TV to tell the whole fucking world about her sex life. I think Diana did the right thing exposing the family like she did, but I can also understand how a 13 year old boy would be absolutely humiliated by that.

THEN there's the whole way he was a MASSIVE heartthrob as a teenager, and was intensely sexualized for it. Like it will absolutely mess with you when you have girls screaming and throwing themselves at you when you're still trying to figure your own sexuality out. It will also massively inflate your ego and convince you that the whole world loves you and there's nothing you can do wrong.

SOOOOOO

as for his relationship with Kate. She's much harder to pin down because she hasn't spent her entire fucking life in the spotlight, and the Middletons are sill granted a certain degree of privacy that the Windsors aren't. I don't think they're as absolutely fucked up as Diana's family was but I still definitely think her mom was a major driving force behind her staying with William.

I think there actually was some initial mutual attraction and that they may have even actually been in love. Buuuut then he waited ten years to propose to her, during which he cheated and they broke up and got back together. Honestly, I don't know what Kate's damage was with all of that, whether or not she was able to convince herself that William wouldn't be another shitty husband, or if she was willing to put up with his bullshit if it meant she would be queen.

Diana was more or less picked out as a bride for Charles because it was assumed that she would be a meek and beautiful wifey who never caused any problems. I mean, she was 19 and he was 32 for fuck's sake. She very much wanted to be queen. BUT what everyone wasn't counting on was that Diana would *gasp* have some serious emotional needs. She was deeply traumatized by her own parents' incredibly bitter divorce, overwhelmed and deeply lonely in her position as princess, and on top of that, suffering from bulimia and then post-natal depression. She needed love and support and Charles spent the whole marriage balls deep in Camilla.

Kate had a much more stable upbringing and had more than a few months to get to know both William and what her role as a princess would be. Ultimately, the vibe I get from her is that she's willing to be the perfect meek beautiful wifey who puts up with William's bullshit if it means she can be royal, which is exactly what Diana was supposed to be.

And I don't mean that to knock or belittle her. She's good at it. She looks incredibly happy when she's doing that. It's her career. It's an exchange I can actually really understand making, especially when your only other prospects involved working for your parents' party company.

But I could be extremely wrong about all of this Maybe she's absolutely miserable but she feels like she has no other options and worried about losing her kids and is terrified of what happened to Diana. It's hard to know, and I wish The Crown would have at least committed to *something* rather than just brushing all of this off.

[that-darn-clown]

had. thoughts about William and David again. so have some thoughts on these two.

first off. Parallels

nonbinary, but don't really know it, and express it by effectively dehumanizing themselves (although William does it by becoming how he Personally sees himself (silly golden hare; therian stuff you get it), whereas David does it by becoming how Everyone Else perceives them (demon/cryptid type thing. also a deity, depending on occasion and how their self esteem's doing))

abused as kids

autistic and undiagnosed (because it was the fucking 80s)

horrible at regulating emotions

have a general distrust in other people, and it takes a while to really get close enough to either of them to really be considered as a "friend" (although, in William's case...this may or May Not be a good thing for you. considering Henry. and his kids.)

weird and a bit eccentric

God Complex/Big Ego

got springlocked (both cases were William's fault. yes even in William's OWN springlocking. That Was Not His Smartest Decision)

to go along with this...have a fun fact + a mini au based on said fun fact:

William doesn't like Trevor. he's more or less neutral on Skyler (knows she's trying her best but does Not think she should be raising kids. which is rich coming from the guy who Also shouldn't be raising kids, but. y'know)

David spends a good...i dunno, 25% of their time at the Afton household. William knows this kid, knows their home life fucking sucks.

William did express interest in like. adopting David. like, Mike and David were already pretty close, and William was getting extremely close to getting Trevor arrested. the only reason none of that Happened was because of William's divorce and his subsequent...bad life decisions. that included killing six children. one of which was David.

the only problem with this is that William's Not A Great Father Himself. As I've Discussed Multiple Times. he's not physically abusive; no way in hell he'd do that to a kid anyway, but especially not one who Just escaped that kind of home life. but he is emotionally abusive. and generally overbearing in a "Toxic Helicopter Parent" sense. so for David, it'd be Out Of The Frying Pan, Into The Middle Of The Fucking Ocean.

so...have a mini au idea: William does manage to adopt David before the Bullshit happens. whether this manages to keep David from getting murdered or not, i'm not sure.

i feel like, at first, it'd be great for David. an adult in their life who actually gives a shit?? wonderful!

then uh. shit starts getting not great. David's more used to being given freedom and just kinda. allowed to do whatever. William is Different, and not in a way David really likes. there's also the trope of "having yourself reflected back at you through someone else" for both of them. knowing William, he'd see that as a Good Thing, while David...it sure causes a crisis for 'em, i'll say that!!

the long story short is that William kinda. didn't "ease David into it," as some would say.

y'know the "damn bitch, you live like this" meme? that was David to Mike after like. a Month of living with him as an adopted brother. because Michael, How The Fuck. Also Why The Fuck

Insane to move david from a shitty situation to a differently shitty situation (/pos of course)

Obsessed with the parallels section they make me insane <3

[knighthelm-aes]

So anyway

Talked to my dad on the phone a couple days ago and laid out my holiday plans. They’re doing like 12 things in the next week, and I, who historically has dreaded this time of year due to being neurodivergent in multiple ways that make celebration very unenjoyable, said I would only like to see the fam for Christmas like we usually do, and nothing else. When I said this, and explained hey I am burnt out, my dad immediately said “Oh, so you don’t want to be around us?” And i said firmly “That’s not what I said.”

After this call I was really proud of myself for sticking to my guns and not letting myself cave to the pressure, especially after being hung out to dry for Thanksgiving. I wasn’t happy that my dad was disappointed but I know change is hard but like I’m almost 30.

I texted my mom my plans to keep her in the loop, and she started asking like is there anything I can do to help with your burnout, whats going on, etc etc. I explained I didn’t need anything and thanked her for her offer, and that I would text her the next time I wanted to go for coffee.

Queue 7am this morning I get a text from my anxious mom who is worried about me spending the holidays alone. I assure her I am fine, that I just want to protect myself this holiday from a lot of the pressure, that I only get two days off and it’s a hard and busy week at the clinic. She asks me for what makes Christmas hard and at this point I’m losing my patience because I feel like I’m being guilted into going.

I always feel like I have to justify how I feel or my reasoning for things; and when I was in therapy earlier today my therapist said that I really don’t need to justify anything and I can just feel the way I feel. And like I have never and will never be in a family that is okay with my feelings on the subject so like idk why I even bother explaining in the first place because no answer is ever going to be adequate.

So I told my mom historically this has been a time of year where there are more outbursts and social pressure in the family that I am trying to avoid. She asked for specifics and I finally just gave it to her straight: sometimes (almost every year) dad has had outbursts and I have also felt for the last number of times I have met up with him I feel very unheard and belittled. This is something I communicated to both my mom and sister so it’s not news to them. I then also said that my mom’s divorced side makes me miserable and that I have been begging us to do less over the holidays, but that it’s clear they want to do these things so I have to change how I go about these things.

I really can’t emphasize the fact that this has been a plea of mine for literal years since I was a kid. And later when I told my sister about all of this she referenced how “we are protective of this holiday” but that is mostly because of what I have been asking of them.

I also can’t begin to recount how many times this stupid holiday has ended in tears with various members of my family. For me, it is frankly a time of heightened emotional and verbal abuse. My parents did a lot of get me and my sister nice things but ultimately I would trade every single one of those things for time where we felt like a family, and not trying to force joy when my dad is raging in the other room because he imagined my mom had an attitude when she spoke to him, or the video camera couldn’t turn on, or one of us didn’t react correctly to a present, or my grandma is making our lives hell for not wanting to spend the whole day with her, or us wanting to see grandpa as well, or having to listen to my uncle verbally abuse his wife and daughter, or the political comments or an argument because my uncle doesn’t like the food or on and on and on and on. I can’t do it.

Anyway my mother is giving me the silent treatment, and I texted my sister like “well that blew up in my face” and she pretty much was completely unsympathetic, and despite being the one to encourage me to set a boundary she said this was “a lot more than I thought you meant” and that “i thought you were trying to get closer to them” and when I was anguished about how I feel our relationship (with my parents) is falling apart because we can barely hold a conversation anymore she literally told me that “i don’t think you can avoid talking about this” because it was that bad. So part of the last message I sent my mom had her wording in it and she told me this boundary that she literally encouraged me to set, and that she was going to try and set one herself as well, was too much. And when I pointed out that I doubt anyone would throw a stink if she said she wanted to spend part of the holiday with just her and her husband, she flatly disagreed.

So, I have no one in my corner ever, even if I take their advice. I am always wrong. I am always too hysterical, too antisocial, too mean, too harsh, too spoiled and undeserving of any compassion. Everything I do or say is taken in the worse possible light. I fought in my bed because it made me literally suicidal after I got off work and frankly at this point I know it would be a blessing to them. My dad could be even more conservative now that he doesn’t have a gay daughter, my mom would have less people to worry about and my sister would move on because she has plenty of friends and has never really seen me as her equal. I won’t do anything because maybe at the other end of this there is some way to come out more independent and stronger.

For now I just wait for whatever or whenever my mom is going to reply to my message and it’s going to be bad, so there will be an update soon; you can bet your bottom dollar on it.

[beevean]

The sad thing about Annette and Richter in the show is that even Lenector of all things makes comparatively more sense.

It's vile as fuck, but for what it's worth you can sort of see Hector getting attatched to his abuser due to a combination of his emotional immaturity and Lenore being....superficially nice (?) to him at points, which feeds into his desperate need for affection because something something emotionally stunted man child. The reasoning is still fucking weak and it by no means excuses the actual execution of the ship, but at least there's SOME attempt at internal chemistry

With Annette and Richter it's LITERALLY just "mom dead" and that's it, they already have the hots for each other after what? A single week? They're basically two action figures getting smooched together by the writers

Bro are we really to the point where we're defending Lenector? 😭

Nah I get what you mean. I actually like in a vacuum the interactions they have in S4 (except for That Line ofc), the problem is that they are too divorced by Lenore's actions in S3 to the point where it feels like I'm being gaslighted. I can tell you that Lenore likes Hector because 1) he's submissive and breedable cute, and 2) he sympathizes with her issues while everyone else around her thinks she's a stupid little girl, and Hector likes Lenore because her superficial fake kindness is still more kindness than he ever got in his life, and even things like Lenore going to him to pester him with her dick jokes can be interpreted by him as her showing some interest in him. Basically, their chemistry in S4 is a very classic mutual "Because You Were Nice To Me". I really do get the intent, I do, it's just the shit inconsistent writing surrounding them and the cowardice of S4 glossing over the vileness of S3 that makes me furious.

Even him being flustered by Lenore playing with his leash in S3E6 has some sort of explanation! She's hot (allegedly), she just gave him a better cell showing that she is intent on keeping her promises, and he's starved for positive human (vampire lol) contact. It's depressing, sure, and Hector's below-hell standards should have been addressed at some point, but it's something. Unhealthy relationships are still relationships.

Annette literally goes from "that Belmont boy was useless as fuck" to blushing around him once he returns. Cecile sure as shit said nothing to make her change her mind. And I still have no idea why Richter would ever crush on her, when Annette has been mildly cordial at best and actively antagonistic at worst - girl really hit out of nastiness his own magic-related trauma button at one point. Hector has the excuse that he was abused and isolated so badly he doesn't even know how to human: what is Richter's excuse for his low standards? This isn't even a toxic relationship! These two aren't even friends at this point!

Annette really should have been her own character. Or at least they should have waited until S2 before building some sort of chemistry. Even Trevor and Sypha, after a rough start in S1, started flirting in S2 and got together in S3! The story of Nocturne's S1 would not have fallen apart without the implied romance! I get that they probably had less episodes than they needed, but learn how to economize!

[confessions-official]

i wish more people knew when to give up on their marriage. if you’re struggling with marriage, having a kid will NOT fix your marital issues. if your partner is picking fights with you when you’re drunk and making you and your kids walk on eggshells around him whenever he’s in a bad mood, that’s bad! “oh but we should stay together for the kids—” the KIDS (or kid in my situation, my brother is seemingly unaffected by watching our dad yell at me and our mom constantly) feel unsafe when they hear people raising their voices or forcefully/loudly closing doors, setting things down etc. that shit fucks you up! hearing from your parent that actually the reason you get overstimulated so much is because you’re not exposed to very stimulating things that often and if you just put yourself in overstimulating situations more your sensory issues would go away like fucking exposure therapy for my autism????

not to mention if you’re going to choose to work for the majority of your kid’s childhood and force them to do sports that they hate (while hammering in the importance of doing sports so you can get college scholarships otherwise you’re not going to get anywhere in life and you’ll end up miserable) when you do see them, you do not get to be upset when your kids joke about having an absent father. presently you’re like a couch cushion that wildly increases the anxiety levels of your wife and child. feeling like a fucking zebra hunted down by one really awful lion when i’m just sitting on the couch trying not to think about how scared of you i am.

and listen. you can claim to love your wife. you can say it all day, you can blame your relationship issues on her for not wanting to have sex after she literally had a brain tumor and needed brain surgery, you can accuse her of doing all sorts of things like cheating on you with one of her closest queer friends, you can refuse to give her help with tasks that she struggles with because of that brain tumor she had and then blame her for not just Doing the task that she asked for help with. you can do that. you shouldn’t do any of those things. but you could. she puts up with that because you’ve worn her down so she just lets it slide since it really isn’t worth the trouble. BUT. you do not get to compare her to her physically and verbally abusive alcoholic step-dad who kicked her out of her house when she was thirteen years old. you don’t get to do that. it is so goddamn hypocritical of you to do that when YOU are more like him. you think you’re so much better than him because you don’t like him as a person but just because you don’t hit your kids doesn’t mean you haven’t traumatized them or given them emotional baggage that they’ll carry with them to hell. YOU need to do the right thing and ask for a divorce. it’s getting ridiculous at this point. just shut the fuck up and take the L. you failed at your marriage and that’s fine, you got like five to ten good years in and i understand the sunk-cost fallacy cause you’ve made it almost twenty years but you HAVE to realize that it’s time to give up. this one is on you, man. i would never say this to your face because you’d never give me a moment of peace for as long as i live, but i’m right. they’re your problems, and you can either figure them out or leave. BETTER YOURSELF AS A HUMAN BEING OR GET OUT OF MY LIFE. please

 

[selintemel]

six feet under / a self para

They're playin' our sound Layin' us down tonight And all of these clouds Cryin' us back to life But you're cold as a night

trigger warnings: death, police & physical abuse mention

“Selin Temel? We’d like to ask you some questions about Vivian Hayes. I’m sure you’ve already seen the news. We’ve heard around town that you two had a... complicated relationship. Best friends, were you?” 

The words rang in her head as she stood on her front door, gripping it tightly as she stared up at the two -- policemen? detectives? -- in front of her. “I’m not answerin’ anythin’ without my lawyer present,” Selin immediately said, not caring if that made her sound heartless or cruel. If anything, people should come to expect that to be her norm, especially when it came to strangers trying to butt into her business. 

She didn’t shut down when it came to her emotions. She always, always lashed out. It was one of the reasons why her friendships had been through the ringer lately, and she should be lashing out now, but this all just... didn’t seem real. Just yesterday, she went to Vivi’s to try and repair their friendship, because out of everyone in the world, she was one of the few Selin couldn’t bear to lose. 

Vivi was... a light. The brightest light. An angel, if she’d ever seen one. Always putting others before herself. Had the purest heart Selin had ever seen. She might have lost Jake. She might have lost Amoni. Selin didn’t want to lose Vivi. She couldn’t. That woman was her best friend. She had stuck by her, even when Selin couldn’t bear the humiliation from her father’s trial. Vivi held her hand when she bared it all and showed the bruises to her face instead of just the pictures her brother took. Vivi allowed her the space and time to grieve the person Selin could never be again. Brought all the cake when she just wanted a quiet night in because she hated the way people stared, even when she tried so hard to cover up. She never felt judged by Vivi -- not for the sudden decision in ending her marriage, not for living with Lukas so soon after serving Dae the divorce papers, not for all the tears she shed, not for the guilt she felt for standing by while her father hurt her mother and only doing something when he had laid his hands on her. 

Vivi listened to it all, even with Selin’s misplaced anger, and loved her anyway. Vivi welcoming her back as a friend felt like coming home, something Selin knew she didn’t deserve but wanted anyway because try as she might to push everyone away, Vivi was her constant.

And now she was gone. 

“We understand. We’re just trying to see if you know anything that might help us find whoever did this to her.” 

“Isn’t that your fuckin’ job? To find the fuckin’ asshole who did this and put them behind bars?” Selin snapped and before she could slam the door in their faces, one of the policemen looked down at his notepad, causing the curiosity in her to win as she wondered what the hell was written on there about her. About Vivi. Her mind was already running towards how her family -- who absolutely adored Vivi -- had enough connections to find the best private investigators on this side of the country, which was a damn good thing because Selin had absolutely no trust in the law enforcement of this fucking town.

“Where were you last night?” 

The directness of the question caught her off guard and all Selin could do was scoff. “I was right here. At home. With my boyfr--” She paused before inhaling sharply. “With Lukas. You can ask him yourself. He’s right--”

“Were you here the whole night?” 

“Well, I-- No, I--” For the first time that night, Selin didn’t feel the anger that had bubbled up that this happened to Vivi, of all people. She didn’t feel the sadness that she knew would hit her like a wall later on. She felt fear. They honestly couldn’t think she was behind this?? “I went out for a while because we were low on drinks. I went to Nightrest Liquor. You can ask the cashier herself. I went there, bought drinks then came home,” she said, her heart thudding in her chest as the realization dawned on her.

“What was your rela--”

“Lawyer,” Selin immediately said, masking her expression because she knew she had already said enough. 

“We just wanted to--”

“Lawyer,” she repeated. “When my lawyer is available, I’ll have her give your office a call. Until then, you’d be better off actually doin’ your jobs and puttin’ whoever killed my best friend behind bars. Good night, officers,” Selin said, allowing herself the small satisfaction of slamming her front door in her faces before turning around and resting her back against it, slowly sliding down to the floor as the entirety of the situation hit her, causing her to bend over as she strangled in a breath.

Vivi was dead... and people think she killed her.

[papirouge]

I really really hate now this idea of marriage being a battle between husband and wife. That men only see divorce as the outcome of it because their low emotional intelligence leads their wives to be frustrated. It’s really hard to read how vicious men are too when they read “victories over women” when a woman is left with nothing, especially if they have children. Like the kids don’t matter. It’s all about “punishing the woman” for daring to leave an awful relationship. I guess I’m tired of reading about men complaining about divorce and how marriage is awful then in the same breath, complain that nobody will date them or love them. I usually hear this as a “western woman issue” as these same western scrotes will praise poor countries with struggling women to exploit so they can do the same back to these women - exploit these women then leave them with nothing

It's crazy you talk about "battle" in marriage bc YouTube has been pushing a video from a Christian man I've been following called "Husband & Wife: the Fight for control", and your ask just convinced me to eventually watch it, so I just did 👀

In this video he's basically explaining the reason Christian marriage struggle with power imbalance

Christian marriage fail in that men have no submission to the Holy spirit, no control of finances, no spiritual power, are too passive, rely on external help, and rather delegue the decisions to their wife

Consequentially, their wife have to take charge, and sometimes become more aggressive (because they can't respect a passive husband), and abuse their power

The man in the video said that at the beginning of his marriage, was relying big time to his family & Baptist community (he had his cell phone bills paid by his father in law 💀) When he decided to take his independence, all hell broke lose and the Baptist community turned on him ... and his father in law asked him for a refund of the bills he paid for all this time...💀💀

Conclusion ? God created men to take charge. But this responsability comes with duties (they have to be spiritually independent). Everytime a man expects submission from a woman, he should be as much financially independent.

⚠️ Beware of stingy traditional men, expecting you to stay at home and not working...... while never providing you the money you need/deserve⚠️

Only bums rave about marriage. Divorce is a failure. No emotionally balanced person should look up divorce. And it kills me to see the same men elevating traditional gender roles clap in support of meb divorcing their wife. Lately there's been a fake news featuring the Morocco football player Hakimi, who's accused of rape, stating he hid his fortune from his wife who filed for divorce so she couldn't get the half of it. Mind you: all the scrotes were cheering, calling him the goat, his move a "masterclass", etc. It really shows how fake the traditional posture of those scrote is (especially Muslim ones, having no problem with stoning women having sex outside marriage, but cheering -alleged- rapists💀). Raping women/cheating on your wife and then cutting her from the money she's owed (after she filed for divorce for being cheated on/potentially married with a rapist) is peak dusty degenerate move, and NOTHING traditional. And now that this "cut his ex wife from getting his money" news has been debunked , these idiots have been laying low 💀

You're absolutely right, it's all about "punishing the woman". They didn't care about her being cheated on, or even fearing for her life for being married with a potential rapist... They just happy to see a woman humiliated. Demonic.

And yeah, dunking on "Western women" is a well known incel/passport bro dog whistle. These idiots be truly complaining about Western women having the choice of not being sexually available to them for survival - like these good traditional women overseas 🤡 Incel are capitalizing off the fact there are places where the bar is lower. They would rather spent thousands to travel oversea and bag a bangmaid who wants the papers.....than save all this money and fix their attitude ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

[skruffie]

generic abuse tw

--

weird 1 am thoughts, and this is probably going to be a sad sounding post but I'm more trying to rotate something around in my head. I think part of why I've historically had a hard time talking about the abuse that happened in college is because, when it comes to trauma, one of my (kinda bad) coping skills is being analytical with it rather than getting into the feelings. But with what she did, there was nothing about it that made sense to me at all with the knowledge I have about why/how people abuse others. Alice suggested the reason why I can't fathom why is because I don't treat people like that, but like

looking at the 2011 trauma I can easily infer that a little boy growing up in an unstable household treats those traumas with alcoholism when there is little else available to him, thrives on a successful career to hide what happens behind closed doors, and does not know any other way to raise children except with violence. it's a classic pattern of behavior that we can see over and over again. we can draw the lines around the power dynamics that led to this structure and power dynamics + imbalances are big factors in abusive situations

My abuser largely... didn't. Socially, we were on the same level. If we really have to split hairs on power dynamics I can see there's an axis of maybe with her being straight versus my queerness or how I would not have worked at [redacted] without her putting in a word for me but she wasn't a supervisor. At work we were in exactly the same role. The way she grew up involved divorced parents but she had otherwise a rather normal, non-traumatic upbringing. I know a hell of a lot about trauma psychology, abuse dynamics, all of that, and there is nothing at all from our "friendship" that fits any pattern I've ever seen for why she did the things she did. I'm not even writing this out of any particular emotion like sadness or using it to vent, I'm just BAFFLED

I had a therapist pre-covid that labelled what happened as like the beginnings of a domestic violence situation but like. arguably with the fact that there were moments of actual physical and sexual abuse the only reason I think it can't be called For Real DV is because we weren't in an intimate partnership. I had a weird sense of denial for years about it because... again, nothing about what she did to me fits any pattern. We talk a lot about imperfect victims but I don't think I've ever heard anything about abusers that are very atypical from what we expect an abuser to "look" like.

[harrysmimi]

Lovely

Chapter 3: Doughnuts and Friends

Series Master list

More of my work

A week and half passed by.

Harry made really good friendship with his neighbour. They hung out, still maintaining social distancing guidelines. Having meals by their doors. It was mostly Harry talking and her listening.

Harry reckoned she took time to warm upto people. She shared a little bit about herself. Not too much, just a few things which she could relate from his rants.

She wasn't his fan!

Yeah, that was a stinger for his ego. His music wasn't her taste, she said. But she said she gave his music a try after he told her that his new album came out last December, and that Adore you, the Fish Music Video was on that album. She said she liked Canyon Moon a lot.

Oh at least she liked something!

She wasn't into music Harry figured. Or TV shows or movies much, because she wouldn't react to his references from famous movies and TV shows like someone who watches them would. He wondered what she did in her free time.

Did she read? What did she studied if she was a student?

Hell he doesn't even know how old she is!

Did she liked to read books like him? Or did she made her own music? You can still write music and not listen to other artists in his opinion. Or maybe she was into writing?

All he knew was she pet sat for few people, but she didn't pet sat this entire week. Maybe people doesn't need any pet sitters now. He wondered what she did for living, what she was into.

He was really into her for some reason to be knowing so little about her!

He just knows she lives there, and had a sister who passed away not too long ago. That was it really.

Harry was now strictly home, not going to studio to even record. He mostly hung out with his neighbour friend by his door. Or talked to his sister. A lot. Via texts or he was constantly bothering her with face times. Some times even interrupting her Podcast recordings. He'd apologise and hang up and then have her call him when she's free. He even started calling his mum a lot more. Doing the same with her.

.....................................................................

YN on the other hand was doing better!

She was all on her own still, but she was doing better. Marvel were offering internship for business students, she got to know from her college. Of course she applied, gave her online interview. And got hired!

She now have a full time paid internship with flexible shifts to her classes and exams! Isn't that amazing?! She will get practical knowledge for the course she was doing as well. She can better her grades that way, and even earn enough!

She would definitely be able to live a healthy lifestyle now. She just hopes she is making her mum proud, and she's happy where ever she is now.

Growing up she always saw her mum struggling, back in India they weren't financially stable. Her mum was educated enough to get a corporate job but after she got married she wasn't allowed to work. Lived in a abusive household. Her dad was alcoholic, though he never physical abused any of them, but his verbal and emotional abuse was enough to tear them apart. He wasn't there for his own daughters. Her mum separated from her dad after her little sister was born. Lived with YN's grandparents and got a job.

Her mum was her real inspiration really. She was the best parent she could ask for. She never let her or her sister feel the absence of their father.

Despite divorce being a taboo subject in India, still, and her mum recieving so much hate from society. She never gave up. She struggled too. YN was proud of her Mummy for being so strong and supportive for herself, and for her daughters.

YN have went through a lot you can say. And she doesn't like to talk about any of that. She doesn't like the sympathy she gets from people.

This Saturday she was busy working on her accounts assignment when her door bell went off. The almost unfamiliar sound made her jolt on her place. She never have anyone over, and if it's a pet sitting client she usually goes downstairs to pick up the pet. Oh she hopes it's not Veer, or she'll seriously loose it. Her accounts assignment was already pissing her off.

Sliding her laptop on the coffee table she let out a sigh. She padded her way down to the door and opened it enough to look out.

"Hey, good morning!" It was her neighbour.

"Good morning." She smiled, she opened the door more and found a small bag from her favourite doughnut shop, with a box inside just by her door. The man was standing at a distance.

"Went to grab coffee and breakfast, got doughnuts for you." Harry was returning the favour of when she gave him some sweets. She was very happy the other day because she got hired, though she didn't tell him the reason she still was celebrating and gave him some Indian sweets she bought that morning.

That was the exact same thing she said to him 'went to grab stuff from store, got sweets for you.'. He found that so fucking sweet. Quite literally!

YN never liked to justify her kind actions, because she did those purely out of her heart. Just like mum her, she was a really great influence in her life. So YN never gave any explanation behind getting him sweets. And it was part of her up bringing really. Growing up in India, her neighbours (just the few of them) were very sweet. It is really like a cultural thing there to give your neighbours some of whatever you cook at home for no apparent reason but just out of good hearty intentions. She found it weird that people here don't give a fuck about their neighbours, everyone is always and always minding their own business- which she thought was good, but it is nice some time (just a few times) to be nosy, according to her.

And she really found very was very sweet person, like her previous neighbours back in India. Who minded their own business but "nosy" at right things and were friendly. Though she never talked to him, it was mostly him talking about his work and music or answering few of her questions she'd have about working in the industry.

"Oh..." She was surprised. That was very unexpected. "I, uhh... Thank you."

She felt weird receiving doughnuts from him, but she wouldn't want to turn him down because he didn't turn her down. She was sure somewhat of an anti-social person, but she wasn't heartless to turn anyone's sweet gesture.

"Of course. I hope you're not allergic to hazelnuts, didn't know which ones you liked so got the ones I like." He explained.

"Oh no, I am not allergic to anything." She assured him. She really liked the chocolate and hazelnut ones, those were her favourites. "Those are my favorite actually." She had a sweet smile playing on her lips for such a simple thing such as a few doughnuts.

That was actually the first thing she shared to Harry about herself without him asking questions. He found her really adorable in the moment, with eyes rounded out and her lower lip tucked in between her teeth. She seemed excited, or at least he liked to think about it that way. He was glad he could make her day, he didn't know the reason behind.

His infatuation went on for a little longer than he expected. He'd still call it an infatuation though.

"Do- do you want to hang out if you're free?" He asked.

"Oh, I, uh... I'm a little busy right now." She explained, "I am sorry."

Harry swore his heart went sore hearing the hint of guilt of turning him down in her tone.

"Oh it's fine." Harry assured her, "another pet sitting client?"

"No, I, I have an assignment due, so I, uh... I was working on that." She stuttered.

Harry wondered why she stuttered all the time. Maybe she was anxious all the time. Or maybe because English wasn't obviously her first language. But he found it adorable.

He didn't know she was in college!

"Oh, okay. Best of luck with it." He smiled.

"Yeah." She nodded, "and thank you for the doughnuts again."

"Of course darling." His dimples became more prominent as his smile grew wider.

YN swore that nickname made those butterflies go fucking wild in her tummy!

Wait, what?!

She closed her door after Harry went in. Kept the doughnuts in fridge to eat later.

She knows if she eats anything now, she'd probably be passed out with her computer open in no time with a full stomach. And she had no time. Her assignment was due midnight. It was the last assignment for her first year of college. She will have off time until September then. She can focus on her work more.

She got a job in the more of corporate side of Marvel Studios. In marketing department as assistant to the assistant project manager. It was until her internship was due though. She can apply for a better post somewhere else with the experience and her degree in hand of course. But the salary offered to her was more than enough for her. She was very clueless of what she wanted to do in future, a BCA degree could get to at least something. And once everything is back to normal she can go back to India and live with her grandparents. Hopefully that happens next year.

But the girl was very interested, passionate, and talented at photography and Cinematography. Though she never took any special courses, and they were not affordable for her mother, she mostly taught herself watching and reading about her favourite directors, mostly music video directors like Joseph Kahn, and movie directors like almost all the Marvel director, Jon Watts, Taika Waititi, The Russo Brothers, Anna Boden, James Gunn and her list just foes on and on. YN was really good editing and using different softwares. She just stuck on making weird and stupid videos with her little sister as memories to herself. Her and her sister were not allowed to have a YouTube channel because they were both kids and minors, their mother didn't wanted them to grow up to regret anything.

She was happy with what she was doing now. Maybe if her mother was still here she would have taken the risk to drop everything and work on her dream. Was it a bad thing she was so dependent on her mother? Maybe, she would at least have some emotional support. Can she risk it out and drop out of college to pursue her dreams? Not probably. It wasn't an easy career to get successful in. Well, nothing is easy. But it is rather easier to do a desk job than go places to places and apply every single time for new project with more possibilities of getting rejected. Was it worth it when she was struggling so much financially? Not really. Not that she can think of anything really.

......................................................................

It was a Sunday!

YN slept till two in the afternoon after finishing up her assignment just five minutes before the due time. She definitely over slept, now that her face was all puffy and marks from the creases on her face her visible. She slept like a baby that night after so long!

With her hair all messy she walled down the hallway to her kitchen to make a strong cup of tea. She looked like she just had a fight with a bird or something with her braided hair all matted and baby hairs poking out in all different directions. She laughed at herself seeing her reflection on the microwave when she was heating up left over rice from last night for a very late brunch.

Oh god, was she going mental already?!

......................................................................

YN had her brunch and watched her favourite YouTubers. It was around four in after when she realised she had nothing else to do. She could sleep more but it would mess up her already fucked up sleeping schedule.

She had so much to do with Rio and Filiz all the time. Filiz was beg and bribe her sister to take her to the park on weekends.

Now she wished she had friends. She could at least have a virtual movie night with them. Or at least she'd have someone to talk to.

That's when her phone dinged. She hardly got any notifications either, except for few notifications when her favourite celebrity would post something on Instagram. She really adored Brie Larson for her work in Captain Marvel. She hoped she posted something!

But it was a text message. From her neighbour.

They exchanged their numbers the other day but never texted or called. Because there was no need really for that. She read the message from the notification.

Harry Styles: Hey, are you free tonight for a movie night?

Was she free tonight? Yeah! Was she free tonight for a movie night with her neighbour who she hardly know? She didn't know!

And how would they watch movie together when they were in quarantine? Like she haven't seen him leave to go to studio or work at all. He talked about bored he was at home alone all the time and that he haven't seen any of his friends in person since almost three weeks now. But it would still be very weird for her to have her neighbour over or go over to his to watch movie anyway... How was she supposed to reply to that?

She was bored too!

But she was way too anxious and nervous around other human beings!

She received another message. A little frantic one.

Harry Styles: Hey YN you alright? I can see you're online!

Here, Harry didn't know why he got worried and concerned for her. He felt this weird sense of concern and care for her, and he thought she was clearly stupid to feel that way for someone he hardly knows. It was the first message he ever sent her. She was online he saw, she must be busy and left her phone somewhere in the house and forgot. Now he just sounds... Desperate? Impatient? Maybe... But he recieved his reply saying she is fine and that she'd take up his offer.

He almost jumped out of his sofa. He would go over to hers. He didn't know what to take with him, he lived nust next door. He just grabbed his phone and went to hers. He was nervous when he brought up his hand to knock on the wood. He did it. He knocked two times and waited for her to open the door. He almost got startled when the door opened, he didn't heard her footsteps. She walked very quietly.

"Hey." His voice almost came out as whisper. He was standing there with just half a feet away from her.

She looked so lovely in her all Marvel Studios PJs. A large over sized tshirt with red Marvel logo and black sweat pants with same logo printed all over it. She looked very comfy in them. Her black cat eyed glasses sat on the bridge on her nose snugly. He was too lost he almost didn't heard her greet him back.

"Hi, come in please." She opened the door wider and stepped aside so he can walk in. "Uhh... can you please- uhh.. please take off your shoes?"

"Oh yeah." He nodded.

"Thank you." She nodded and walked inside. Harry kept his slides to a side inside by the door and shut the door behind him.

"Would you like anything? Tea? coffee?" She asked nervously.

Why was she nervous?

"Thank you but I am good." Harry said. "It's pretty late for tea or coffee anyway."

"Yeah." She nodded, "have a seat please." She gestured at the sofa and rushed in kitchen to get him at least a glass of water. Harry settled down on the sofa by the left arm rest. YN kept his glass of water on the coffee table. She sat down on the other side of the sofa.

"What you want to watch?" She asked. The remote was lying idol on the coffee table with Netflix turned on.

"What ever you want."

Wow that was way too cheesy and weird Harry!

"I don't watch a lot of TV, so you can pick." She suggested. Harry nodded and picked up the remote from the coffee table.

Harry put on Friends. Nothing could go wrong with Friends. He played the first episode of first season. Without uttering a word they watched first two episodes of the show.

YN was sat there, tucked in a corner with a pillow clutched in her arms over knees which she had pulled up to her chest. A blanket covering her legs, even though it was hot. Her chin rested on the plush pillow. Leaned side ways on the back rest cushion. A faint smile on her face.

Harry had her sitting position mimicked himself. But with his heels tucked under his bum and his arm swung over the back rest and his cheek rested in his palm. It was a subtle way to glance at her when any character said something funny. She'd let out a soft giggle every time Phoebe would say something. Harry reckoned she liked Phoebe in the show already! It was getting harder for him to tear his eyes away from her. Her features looke so soft and relaxed. The faint smile on her face never fading away. Her brows pinched together on her forehead slightly, looking a lost watching the TV.

YN was really unaware of his staring she was really invested in what Ross or Phoebe had to say in the show. She wondered why she never watched the show!

"Can you play the next-" she turned her head to look at Harry, who looked rather startled as if he was caught doing something red handed. He cleared his throat.

"Sorry, what love?" He asked.

Oh his nicknames!

"Can you play the next episode?" She asked. She was really enjoying the show. Harry nodded and played the next episode.

"You've never watched this show?" He enquired and she shook her head in no to his question. "How come you have never watched Friends?"

"I never got the time to. And I don't really watch TV that much." She answered with repeated statement.

"I see you seem to be huge Marvel fan." He commented on her attire. She glanced down at her shirt, her cheeks becoming flush with heat.

"Yeah. And uhh— my Mumma worked at Marvel Studios." She explained.

"That's cool." Harry was impressed. He didn't know why but he was!

"Yeah!" YN nodded.

"Does she work there anymore?"

Oh Harry! Oh Harry, why have you to be so nosy?

"Oh, I, uhhh— No. She—" She found it hard to speak all of sudden. "I lost her too. We got into car accident. I was the only one surviving."

She got it out!

Though she would never admit to it. His nosiness was getting teeny-tiny bit annoying to her now. But she'd never want to be rude to anyone.

Harry had to shake his head literally to process the information. WHY DOES HE HAVE TO BE SO NOSY?

"Oh, I so sorry. I shouldn't have—"

"It's okay you didn't know." She shrugged interrupting him.

Harry felt so bad for the girl!

Now it all sense to her. Her breakdown by the door that day. The bandage on her arm (which she no longer wore now). The bandage on her forehead. God he wants to hug her so bad but didn't know if it was the right thing.

"No, I am really sorry. Didn't meant to mess up your mood." He felt a weird heavy feeling in his chest.

"It's okay. Really. I didn't really mind." She assured him.

She did missed her mum and sister but she was learning to live with it. Of course she would never get over her loss but she can at least go on with her life. That's what her mum and sister would want for her, right?

Harry didn't know what to say. He was tongue tied all of sudden. Should he ask her if she wants to talk to him about anything?

It was different than what he have experienced himself. Or at least he thought. It was different for everyone. He didn't know how she would take it.

"You want to talk about anything?" He still offered, hesitantly.

"Thank you. But I don't want to be a bother." Her voice was very soft.

"It's fine, you don't have to, you're not a bother." He didn't wanted to force her, "you can talk to me if you want any time." She smiled and nodded her head again.

They sat in silence for a long few seconds before Harry pet out a long sigh.

"You want to pick the next show or call it a night?" He asked.

"I am not sleepy." She slept till very late that day, of course she is not sleepy!

She took the remote and put on The Crown. She watched that show because of her mum, she was obsessed with the show. And so was YN, she really liked Princess Diana. She even wrote a little essay about Princess Diana for her English class in seventh grade. She got an A+ for it, and she liked to brag about it up until she was in ninth grade.

Hell, she even begged her mother to have a hair style like Princess Diana and her her hair dyed blonde. But her mum didn't allowed her for some reason. And now she is over that phase. She thinks Blonde wouldn't suit her very obviously Indian or brown person looking face, but she some times dress like Princess Diana, still. Good thing her mum stopped her some times from doing shit that she'd regret later on. She loves her long hair now, she'd be cussing herself until her hair grew back out if she chopped them off.

"Have you watched this show?" YN asked halfway through an episode.

"Loads of time." Harry answered.

"Nice." She shot him a sweet smile and turned her attention back to the TV screen.

"Have you watched it?"

"Yeah. My mum loved this show." She answered. "Had to watch it with her."

Harry smiled at that. A little piece of new information about her; she watched The Crown with her mum.

"Do you like any character in particular?"

"Not in this season." She answered his question, "I really love how Emma Corrin played Princess Diana."

"Yeah, she did." Harry agreed. "I know her." He bragged.

"Oh, nice." But YN was unbothered. "I met them in December." She bragged too.

((AN: Emma's pronouns are she/they. So we're gonna use those here))

YN met Emma Corrin in December when she was out with her mum and sister for dinner. They live in Hollywood, and Emma was at the same restaurant. Whilst YN didn't asked for any pictures to respect their privacy, Emma did had a nice and long conversation with her. YN had a breakdown after she came back home that night. The only time she remembered fangirling over anyone! And Emma hugged her. Not once but TWICE! YN thought she was gonna pass out that moment, but she didn't, luckily for her.

"What?" She asked, Harry looked at her with a surprised look.

"Nothing." He let out a soft giggle and looked back at the screen.

"You're not from here, are you?" YN asked. She really didn't know where he was from?

It wasn't her fault. To he sounded someone who might be from Australia or UK or Ireland for what she knows. English wasn't her first language and she sucked at identifying accents. And his confused her further because he talked very slow, like he have all the time in this world. She had no idea who he was, only knew that he featured in the Fish Music Video that her late sister was crazy about. She didn't knew anything about him.

"I am surprised you noticed." Harry said with a joking undertone.

"I— just asking..." YN shrugged shifting on her place feeling embarrassed to even ask that question.

She hardly ever kept up with tabloids or celebrities to be more specific. She was always just too busy in her own small world with her mum, sister and her little doggo.

"I'm just joking." Harry assured her, "I'm from Manchester but I live in London now." He explained.

"Oh, nice." YN nodded.

......................................................................

Harry spent rest of the night there. He didn't intended to, but he fell asleep on his side of the sofa. He apologised to his neighbour for crashing in, but she seemed fine with it. She wasn't going kick him out when he was in a deep sleep, snoring softly at her home.

She was nice enough to even offer him breakfast. It was just cereal nothing, special but still it was something.

......................................................................

That wasn't the first time Harry hung out with his neighbour, at her house.

Everytime he noticed new things at her home. There wasn't much, it was very minimalistic looking flat, he reckoned it was her mum's choice. Every time he saw new picture frames scattered around the house, just three ladies in those pictures.

Harry's favourite picture was the one on her coffee table. It was picture of YN, who looked to be around twelve or thirteen, posed with her sister (who was just five that time) with Taylor Swift. Dressed in her merch, head to toe. Both her and her sister hugging the blonde tightly who had her arms swung over two young girls.

Harry wondered how old she was because he was catching serious liking towards this girl. What if she was younger than he thought? He didn't know how old she was he thought, but he needs to keep his feelings in control. He expects her to be in her very early twenties but he couldn't be way off with that for what he knows. She was still a college student. Maybe she was completing her Masters, or perhaps more higher education. She should be under twenty-one for his expectations and by the way she is really as a person. And how mature and grown up she seems to him as a person.

She was working an internship; a new piece of information he got the other day from her. She shouldn't be that young right?

He was just finding reasons now just because his infatuation wasn't an infatuation anymore. It wasn't a crush but it wasn't close to having a liking on her. He was stuck in a weird phase where he did not know what his own feelings were.

She was slowly opening up to him. Answering more to his silly questions, yet she still kept her answers very concise for his liking. And this is been going on for about two weeks now. Also, his attraction and feelings were escalating very quickly for his liking.

YN was almost awkwardly comfortable around Harry. That didn't made sense to her, but she felt like she could trust her intuitions and maybe try to make friends with him. But again, she had serious trust issues, she even doubted her intuitions. She didn't know what to do or say so she kept her growing feelings (were they platonic? She liked to think that way) to herself.

She knew he was significantly older than him. And she was scarred by a guy his age and one way older that him, her father. She was skeptical about that herself.

Harry wasn't sure how he felt. But all he was sure about was he found his neighbour very pretty and beautiful. Like someone he'd like to be with. As in, he wanted to wrap her up in a blanket, cuddle her and kiss her and tell her it was all okay. Especially after knowing what she went through, which he thought wouldn't.be the best reason because he didn't wanted to come out as he had sympathy for her. He did, but he cared for her more than he liked to think. It was a weird... Feeling... He was stuck in between.

She did shared a few things about her life, like from when she lived in India. She talked a lot (not a lot, but it was a lot coming from her) about her little sister. It was obvious how much she loved her little sister and how she defended her annoying gestures. Like this time YN told Harry about how her little sister stole her lip balm when she was three. Or how she'd get mad at YN over silly things, or worse annoy her to get the revenge. And how they'd mend up at the end and everything would be fine between them.

Harry wanted to know about her. He could know a little to nothing about her little storied of her sibling.

Harry was so lost, he couldn't focus on the album he was working on. He was too much invested into this girl than he should be.

This night she was talking to him more than investing her attention to whatever was playing on the TV screen in front of them. Harry found they were both sitting a little closer, but still space left enough for just one small person to sit comfortably instead of two people.

She was asking him about how he learned to play guitar when she saw him today coming back home with one. And how she wished she was talented enough to even play a few chords, and how she had failed her music classes at school when she was back in India. Apparently music was not an optional subject in her school according to her.

"Did you wanted to learn it?" Harry asked.

"Not really. Just wanted to learn it because all my classmate were really good at it. I felt left out." She explained shyly.

"I can teach you if you want?" He offered sheepishly.

"It's too late for me to be learning to play guitar." She shied away like always.

"Acting like your eighty years old?" Harry chuckled, "it's never too late, I learned to play guitar at Nineteen. My friend Niall thaught me."

"Oh!" She nodded her head slowly as if she was registering new information into her head. "You were in a band right?"

"Yeah!" He nodded.

So she did online research on him huh?

"Nice, nice." She nodded her head, again. A pink tint never leaving her cheeks. "I'll take the offer but I don't have a guitar sadly."

"I will go grab mine." He was just about to rush to his flat.

"No, it's fine. There is no rush." She assured him. He sat back down, a little closer on purpose this time.

Harry had a news to share with her but he wasn't allowed to talk about it just yet to anyone. But he can trust her right? She wouldn't leak the information, right?

"I got a new movie." He announced.

"Oh my god, congratulations!" She beamed.

Oh god, not to be dramatic but Harry would die for her!

He was crushing way to hard on her for that!

"Thank you, thank you." He smiled proudly yet feeling his cheeks heat up.

"I didn't know you acted too." She commented.

"Did a small part in a movie called Dunkirk back in 2017." He explained and she shook her head in acknowledgement.

"What song do you want to learn first?" He asked swinging his arm up on the back rest of her sofa and letting his cheek rest on his knuckles. That made him move a little more closer to her, with just a modest distance between them.

YN was taken back a little bit. God he was even more handsome up close! His eyes looked more greener up close. He had a bit of showing stubble growing around his jaw and a very faint and subtle moustache. It made him look so mature.

Wait... No! YN stop it!

He is way older than her. Though she never found people of her age attractive but she felt it was wrong. He wasn't forty years old. But he was still older than her.

Was that a problem? Was it a thing with her which said something was wrong with her?

Her brain had thought running like cheetahs in her head!

It wasn't like she was a minor anymore. She is legally adult. And she wasn't stupid. Why did it felt so wrong yet more right to have a little attraction towards a guy who is eight years older than her? Yes, she googled his name.

She wanted it to stop. But she just couldn't help it. She was already dealing with so much. What if she really happens to fall in love in with him and he's not into her that way? She'd be left heart broken!

The way he was sitting so much closer to her than before. It made her heart pound against her chest and a tight feeling in her head become more prominent now. His question and the way he was all of sudden he was interested into teaching her to play guitar.

Wait, why was he interested in teaching her to play guitar?

But anyway, she found him really pretty like all of those millions of people do. He was like a greek god who wore only Gucci, had a soft stubble and a faint moustache. Soft green eyes with pretty lashes framing them.

Like god, she was embarrassed to even admit she would fangirl over him like all those other girls, guys and everyone in between and out did! But it was true though. She wouldn't admit that she may have even stalked his Instagram page. But it is to be buried deep behind her mind until the end.

"I, uhh.. I don't know." She stuttered.

Harry found her really adorable in that moment. God he never wanted to kiss anyone this bad!

"Hmm.. we'll figure it out. You wouldn't let me go and grab my guitar." He said, his voice so soft, it almost felt feathery.

"It's- uhhh.. I don't want to be annoying. It's fine." She explained.

"You're not annoying. Who said you're annoying?" He was just a bit taken back.

There has to be reason that an unproblematic and quiet person like her thought she was annoying. And she just shrugged up her shoulders in an answer.

"You are not annoying." He repeated, his hand subconsciously went up to her face, with his pointer finger he tucked the loose strands of her curtain bangs away from her fave behind her head. His touch very gently and felt almost feathery to her. She swore if she wasn't wearing a full sleeved shirt he would be able to see the goosebumps which spread over arms.

But more importantly, he didn't found her annoying!

Like she haven't done anything which might be annoying. But she kept talking about her little sister which might get annoying. But he still didn't find her annoying? It made her heart sore. Not in a bad way.

"What's wrong darling?" He cooed again seeing tears in her eyes, she just shook her head, "come here."

Harry gathered her in his arms. He haven't seen her cry since that day. There was something which bothered her but he didn't know what. He wanted to help her so badly. He could hear his heart break when she let out a small sob, he tightened his grip around her. She had her forehead rested on his shoulder.

"It's okay." He told her. "I am sorry, did I say something bad?"

"No you didn't." She shook her head, pulling away all of sudden. "I, I am sorry. I didn't mean to cry."

"No, it's fine." He assured her. "You don't have to apologise for that."

YN felt stupid to cry in front of him. He just said he doesn't find her annoying, it's that big of a deal, right?

Of course that was the most horrible reason for her for her breakup. It really affected her. No one wants to hear they're annoying when they're just being themselves. Hearing the same thing from her mum wasn't assuring enough for the girl really.

She wanted to hug him again so bad, but she didn't wanted to ask.

It's months she have went on without a hug from anyone now. Any other human being to be more specific. According to research (not by her, but by many psychologists) you need four hugs a day for survival and here she is, going on to month nine without a hug from anyone.

"Can, can I hug you please?" She asked gathering all the courage she have.

"Of course you can hug me darling." Harry went in for the hug first wrapping his arms around her small form.

He swore he felt those butterflies go crazy in his tummy, ready to attach his heart and mind making him fall for her so fucking bad when she let her own snake around his torso. He rested his head in the curve of her neck with one of his large hand caressing her head. She smelled really good, Harry realised. The earthy scents in whatever shampoo she used was very soothing. Her hair was so soft under his touch.

"It's okay." He whispered.

It would sound childish but he'd seriously and go punch the person in their face who called her annoying. No joke!

"I am sorry, it was just... Just thought of someone really close to me who thought I am annoying. I just... I don't know... I am so sorry." She rambled.

"YN you are so fucking annoying, I have to baby you all the fucking time! I can't do this anymore!" Were her ex's exact words.

"No, no, no. You don't have to apologise darling." He told her, "someone said that doesn't mean you are actually that, does it now? No it doesn't."

She just nodded her head.

Why did that felt good to know she wasn't annoying? It made her have a breakdown.

She still can not trust him, can she? He wouldn't even remember after he moves out of the appartment complex. She can't used to this, even if this was the first time now that she hugged him and was somewhat vulnerable, and cried in front of him. It wasn't good for her in a long run, was it?

[britts-galaxy-brain]

What makes it worse is that Lily's ex has been with her for about 3 years and somewhat knows how to act around her. However, Mikaila started dating her about 2-3 months after their engagement ended and only been in a relationship with her about a year before marrying her. There's barely to least time for them to know each other in person. Worst of all, Carousel broke up with Lily after meeting Lily in person. It ended so terribly that there's a deleted ask anon of Lily wanting to witch hunt her.

Are Lily and Mikhaila legally married? I have some serious doubts. Lily and Lizzy weren't legally married, Lily just (allegedly) had her name legally changed. That's not the same as a legally binding marriage. Lizzy would have had to go through a lengthy divorce that Lily would have 100% made as difficult as humanly possible.

I've had the "common law" marriage tactic used on me in the past. Depending on your local laws, you can be considered legally married to someone as long as you've lived with them for a certain period of time, openly refer to each other as spouses, and I believe have financial ties to each other in the form of joint bank accounts or bills. Don't quote me on specifics, my point is there is a way to be considered legally married without going through the traditional steps to legally marry someone.

The reason I call this instance a "tactic" is necause abusers can use this as a way to trap and control their victim. In my case, one of my exes used the emotional angle to keep me psychologically tied to her, and then tried to use the "legal" angle when I tried to cut her off financially. Thankfully she had no idea what she was doing in regards to the laws of my state so there weren't any legal repercussions, but she did try to convince me that I somehow owed her alimony because we were "common law married" (we weren't).

I'm not sure if Lily knows about the legalities involved, but I can definitely see her using a speedy "marriage" as a psychological entrapment.

Now I'm going to leave this piece of general advice that everyone should follow:

🚩🚩Rushing to get married is a huge red flag!!🚩🚩

Regardless of how strong your feelings may be, or how well you think you know a person, there is no way to fully know someone on that level within the first few months to a year of being with them. There is no reason to rush into a marriage. If someone is trying to pressure you to legally or financially tie yourself to them, you need to be cautious and ask yourself why this person is trying to tie you down so quickly. If the relationship doesn't work out for whatever reason, it's going to be a hell of a lot harder to move on if you're legally and financially tied to someone. This is a very common tactic abusive people will use to trap their victims, and they will play on strong emotions and your genuine love and infatuation with them to do so.

There's nothing wrong with dating someone for a while, and waiting until you both truly know each other to decide whether you want to combine your lives that way. If the relationship isn't meant to be, tying yourself to them is not going to change that. If it is meant to be, they aren't going to go anywhere if you take your time in the dating phase. Have fun together, learn about each other, live together for a while, see each other at your worst, go through some hard times together. If you come through all that and you're still in love and supportive of each other, that's how you know you've found someone worth it. Don't rely on your honeymoon stage infatuation to tell you when to marry someone. Those feelings ebb and flow and they aren't a good indicator of how a person is going to treat you long term or what their motives are.

Trust me my dudes, I had to learn all of the above in very painful ways. Don't be like me.

[oetscop]

NAH YOURE GIVING ME A REASON TO INFODUMP RNNNN IM HERE FOR IT

one of the first things i noticed while working on the logbook was something i refer to as the objectification of care. once youre aware of it you start seeing it in every single aspect of the series as a whole.

marvin kidnapped care after a custody battle. you can see the inconsistent visitation on the calendar in the house. its very very common for an abuser to kidnap their own child(ren) during a divorce as a way to control their spouse. they dont like that theyre losing that grip they have on them, and direct that towards their child(ren.) this, in a sense, is already just treating care like an object. not a human person, but a pawn to hurt and control anna during a very messy divorce.

after that, we have rainer making the game. the whole game is wound around care, every single story beat involves her. thats the whole reason he even started the newmaker plane stuff. for marvin. the way he talks about her. the way shes classed as a "pet" to be collected. the fact tiara and in game marvin cant even call her care and have to go with "baby" despite care being like. a regular ass name. it makes sense for paul or belle to not be in the table and need to be replaced. but care? care is literally a word. they quite literally do not care about her. nobody loves her.

paul is also participating in the objectification as well which is like. really fucking sad to think about. (working under the assumption that we all agree paul is a trans man and was care) he literally calls the in game depiction of himself as a child as "it." he willingly puts care NLM into the child library and then takes her back just to see what happens if you put a person in there. sure shes just a 2d sprite in a video game, but like. he KNOWS thats him. hes in denial, but he still knows. so like hes sitting there playing this game and being retraumatized by it, being reminded over and over, but still treating care like a thing. like a device to continue compulsively playing this fucking game. no sympathy for himself at all.

theres something quite poetic in the game forcing paul to watch marvin break in and "catch" care only to do that exact same thing himself. imo, so much of petscop is a strong metaphor for self acceptance and healing. because living in denial is never going to help. running from your past and covering your eyes will never make it go away. youll only hurt yourself more.

um. ive already said so much but i feel the need to tack this in here at the end. i dont think rainer believes hes fooling anyone. hes acutely aware that hes done some terrible shit. he clearly feels guilty, but cant/wont put all of the blame entirely on himself. like, think back to belle "failing" her rebirthing. she didnt fail because he played it wrong, it had to be because she gave up. he has such fucking tunnel vision. clearly he knows hes partly to blame, but the hatred he feels towards marvin is so much stronger. rightfully so since marvin is definitely a piece of shit as we established. but whats stopping him from just killing marvin? he could. but he doesnt. because he knows that emotional harm does a hell of a lot more damage to someone than just dying. hes had to live like that since mikes death, hes familliar with how much it hurt. so i guess. fuck you all and fuck me as well.

check your bathroom now.

viral infection dedicated to abuse

i've always hurt you

[burning-sol]

Alright, I'm in the right state of mind to talk about Rumi and Exandroth's dynamic now. This is gonna be a lot of rambling. There is so much I'm putting it under the cut.

Okay so, if you're wondering why I think Rumi would ever consider even hanging out with Exandroth I think it primarily comes down to this: Rumi doesn't know Exandroth. And the difference between the Apotheosis canon and my Eldritchstrings content is that Rumi talks to Exandroth way more than they do canonically. And that alters Rumi's perception of Exandroth and makes their relationship a lot messier.

I think the biggest thing to understand, that would alter Rumi's perception of Exandroth, is just realising that Exandroth is not human. It's already clear that Exandroth is not human and weird and fucked up - but I mean realising Exandroth is COMPLETELY divorced from human experiences and emotions. Because while Exandroth IS an asshole and abusive as shit, I find it hard to imagine that Exandroth is acting with the same level of context as everyone else.

It's hard for me to explain so I'm just gonna steal this line from @/frostycola "He doesn't know how to feel anything other than the burning light of Retribution." Charlie describes that Exandroth's whole thing, is just that he is an angel of Retribution and Justice. And not even an angel of Retribution and Justice that is self aware, because he doesn't process the hypocrisy of his treatment of others. He only knows Retribution and Justice and is a force of nature devoid from its own actions. I think the most we ever see develop of Exandroth's identity and of its emotions is more towards the later end of the series - and it ONLY developed because it was inhabiting Peter and inheriting certain traits.

Again the long and short of it is that Exandroth is NOT human. And it was already a big enough point for Rumi to realise that Exandroth was earnestly just trying to do her thing as an angel - it would probably be a hell of a lot of something to realise that. That's literally EVERYTHING to Exandroth. A completely foreign set of values and feelings. And while Rumi may still despise Exandroth for everything its done (this doesn't escape me) I think Rumi is capable of being simultaneously confused and curious about Exandroth. And not even entirely curious of Exandroth itself, but also curious of what this means for their own identity.

I think Rumi wanting to understand and being curious is what would lead into a lot of interactions.

And you can see what sort of interaction I mean with this post (which actually sort of hit off, I wasn't expecting the response it got) where Rumi is basically trying to tell off Exandroth for not looking after his fucking vessel as usual, but also trying to understand Exandroth's weird behaviour. And I should point out that this is in that inbetween point of Rumi not processing that Exandroth isn't human. Because while Rumi thinks that Exandroth is trying to shield itself from a shame of being lonely, Exandroth is LITERALLY trying to communicate that angels don't experience loneliness. And Rumi is also projects a bit of their own insecurity which I put in the tags.

There's a lot of misunderstanding between these two because they're being informed by lives that are so different. Just pointing out this is not entirely on Rumi's end. For instance, I think Exandroth can see through Rumi's mask but doesn't think too deeply about if there's a reason behind it because Rumi doesn't address it. So Exandroth is under the precedent that it doesn't matter. But that's a bit of a side tangent.

I know it's a funny meme of "I can fix him" but I do think that Rumi might actually start to consider and try to reform Exandroth - either because they're curious or because they genuinely think (being Rumi) they are capable of such a task. Which is a VERY morally ambiguous thing to do for the obvious reason of. Rumi is being selfish here by sacrificing Peter's control under the promise of reforming Exandroth (which is NOT a guaranteed outcome). Something that would hurt Peter but that also Rumi would know (consciously or subconsciously) Peter probably wouldn't say no to. Afterall, Peter was the one who initially suggested reforming Exandroth. So Peter would feel pressured to agreed with Rumi. This is not a fair situation. Er I can't tell if this is off topic, I'm sorry I'm rambling a lot here because I have a lot of thoughts.

In general, it's a slippery slope because any time Exandroth is out it's at the expense of Peter. And while at first is may be "well a little curiosity never hurt anyone", the longer it goes on the more that time adds up. What turns these initial interactions into the Eldritchstrings dynamic is whether Rumi thinks it's worth having Exandroth out in order to satiate their own desires. And the more Rumi leans towards Exandroth, the deeper Rumi gets and the harder it is to climb back out of: because it then becomes increasingly harder for Rumi to justify their actions and the more difficult it is to look Peter in the eyes. At that point, there would be a layer of guilt keep Rumi pulled in.

Which, by the by, I think leads into my point that Peter is a moral compass for Rumi. Rumi admits that Peter is the one who must lead the group because Peter has the most heart. But as we know, Peter cannot talk to Rumi when Exandroth is out and Peter gets only a few glimpses of what Exandroth does when he's in posession of the body. This is not just Rumi chosing to spend more time with Exandroth, it's chosing to spend less time with Peter. Peter who would usually be there to lead Rumi in the right direction. A slippery, slippery slope.

But anyways on a completely different train of thought, Rumi might want to use Exandroth as a utility! Because while Peter is definitely full of potential and magic, he's not a SAFE option. It takes a while for Peter to develop his magic and it's not exactly the strongest. But you know what is reliable? EXANDROTH'S magic. And if Rumi weighed up the options and chose Exandroth for that reason, that could be a thing that happens. And it would suck. But it's a safe option.

Also if we went down a darker route, there's no way in hell that Peter would turn in a fight against Thanatos. But you know who would? More probably Exandroth! And Peter wouldn't have to see a thing. :)

Also I'm getting pretty winded because I've been typing for I don't know how long now. But just wanna bring up that Exandroth is an enabler. Exandroth has no reason to tell Rumi to stop insisting that Exandroth possess Peter. Exandroth being in love with Rumi but having no model of a healthy relationship could mean that Exandroth unabashedly would go along with whatever Rumi wants, not realising that this is not a good thing. Also Exandroth is like. A bad person. Rumi could probably find a way to reason with themselves that Exandroth is taking the blood on its hands instead of them. You know, Exandroth is just an easy out for if they want to morally compromise themselves.

But anyways Rumi can make bad decisions okay.

I have no idea if any of this makes sense and I'm not going to proofread this because I'm tired. I feel like I haven't even talked that much about everything. Eldritchstrings is very messy in general. I feel like it's hard to communicate which is why i sometimes just go ahead and draw or write because showing what I mean might be easier. I just checked the wordcount this is like a thousand words I'm going to just vibe for a while my head fuzzy.

[saberies-stuff]

just what we need, another crazed mon-hell worshipper to disturb the fandom peace and make apologies for a sexist, slave-owning, heterosexual piece of crap. i don’t know whether you used to be a part of the fandom or not since you made a new blog, but if you were, you weren’t missed and you probably should have stayed away, because i promise, absolutely no one wants you back <3

Five days. Literally five days of being back and I’m already getting stuff like this. Normally I would just try to ignore this, but unfortunately for you, anon, you caught me on a day when I have some big stuff happening and my emotions are very high. Which means I have the capacity to be angry at you right now and I am absolutely going to.

First things first, I am not a Mon-El “worshipper.” I am not writing a Karamel-centric fic. Mon-El is not my favorite character. I just happen to think the ship is cute and sweet and gets an unfair amount of hate, and if I need a romance in one of my stories, it’s gonna be them. This latest fic called for a romance. That romance is Karamel. And I ask you…so what?? With all the Supercorp stories out there, I promise you won’t die from content-starvation if a few people dare to write something else. What’s it to you?

Second things second, let’s not use heterosexual as an insult, ‘kay? Straight is not a slur and it’s just as valid as any other sexual orientation. Period. End of sentence.

Third things third, yes, I was a part of the fandom. And guess what I wrote? Gen or ship-ambiguous stuff so that people could enjoy it regardless of what they shipped. Wanna know why I stopped doing that?

I stopped because of all the psychotic shippers that popped up in my inbox claiming to love my work and demanding I turn it explicitly Supercorp so they could “love it even more,” then insulting me and belittling me when I refused.

I stopped because I found out how much the Supercorp fans had been bullying the cast members, particularly the guys (primarily Chris and Jeremy from what I saw, but apparently y’all have been making Staz’s life pretty difficult too since I stepped away).

I stopped because I saw how absolutely gross and disturbing some of you acted towards Melissa when she married Chris, and how some of you have been stalking every detail of the woman’s life ever since, hating on her husband for everything he does and inventing imaginary signs of everything from divorce to domestic violence just for the sake of a fictional ship between fictional characters.

I stopped because of the bloody idiot who showed up in my messages to inform me that I could not call Lena an abuser because I had no experience with abuse. When I told them I spent fifteen years with a narcissistic, emotionally and verbally abusive father, I was treated to a lecture on why I was not truly abused because nothing physical took place and “you felt safe enough to be angry about it, if you were really abused you would be more subdued.”

I stopped because of one simple reason- a large portion of the SC fandom is comprised of hateful, hurtful bullies, and I could no longer, in good conscience, allow myself to write things for that ship, even ambiguous stuff. The only thing you guys ever accomplish with your behavior is to turn people away from you and your ship. I’m living proof of that, and I’m willing to bet that by the end of Season 6, the show will be too. But I’m back now, and I’m writing what I want to write without any fear of what anyone else will say about it, and I don’t care if anyone “wants me back” or not. What someone else wants is not my problem.

A side note- before receiving this lovely little screed from you, I had exactly one post up. One. Tagged with Karamel. Which means you only found me by stalking the tag of the ship you hate, presumably searching for people to harass. In which case, get some therapy. Or a life.