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moonastro · 9 months ago

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Juno persona chart

jupiter in the houses

what is a juno persona chart? looking into juno persona chart gives more detailed insight of how the relationship and marriage overall of you and your spouse will be like. it also describes them in a sense as well. The Greek Goddess Juno is described to rule over love and marriage and hence why the asteroid is looked into for that theme.

jupiter represents luck, it expands anything it touches and gives prosperity in that area. in the juno persona chart, jupiter signifies the luck the couple has within the marriage, what possible expansions marriage life of the couple receives and what possibly wisdom the couple takes.

reminder: this is my interpretation from observations and first hand experiences, so don't take this to heart.

**reminder no.2 that this can be used for signs as well, so for example if jupiter is in aries in 6th house, make sure to check out jupiter in 1st house also as it may resonate.

jupiter in 1st house: marriage may be full of quick decisions, not waiting around brings luck to the couple. acting right away is the way to go for this placement. the couple may find luck in cars, perhaps you always have access to transport, have access to cars, may even own lots of cars or some sort of quick transport. marriage may bring growth to developing how to cope with anger or short temper, this placement may bring expansion to have healthy coping mechanisms when it comes to short temper or raising voice. marriage may bless the individual with courage to show the real them for example showing off their real style, personality, likes and interests etc. these individuals may have a very nice and luxurious (a grand) home after marriage, exterior of home may look big and expensive so this may be an indication of having a big house after marriage. jupiter here may brings lots of movement to the individual after marriage, their life may liven up a bit and there may be lots of movement during marriage. life can be full of life, full of passion, desire and motivation so a sense of fulfilment may occur and make the individual feel alive.

spouse may have natal jupiter in aries, 1st house, fire sign or fire house.

jupiter in 2nd house: marriage may bring luck to resources, money, materialistic things and ones value. the couple may receive lots of gifts from other people, not cheap also, this placement just attracts gifts and luxury. also expect people offering you to go out for dinner or lunch after marriage, this brings expansion in areas of socialising and allowing oneself to destress and rewind. marriage can be full of relaxation, after marriage the native can have luck in having s stress free mind or a less one. jupiter here may bring growth to having patience with one another, adapting to foreign environments and finding comfort in anywhere one may go. marriage may bring luck in artistic fields related to the voice, the arts, dancing, cooking, food related and beauty related. this placement may have luck in those themes and may have a business or open up a store related to these themes.

spouse may have natal jupiter in taurus, 2nd house, earth sign or earth house.

jupiter in 3rd house: marriage may bring luck in communication, writing, expression of oneself and getting to the point. this placement bring expansion to speaking so couple much talk things out even if they are the tiniest of little misconceptions they should be sorted out rough communication. i feel like this placement also gives luck in education, so this placement go back to school, college or university after marriage or they decide to study something they have been interested in after marriage. marriage may bring this placement extreme motivation and inspiration from their partner so they may want to complete everything at once as ideas keep coming and coming. this placement may find lessons to do with trust and talking behind each others backs, also learning how to stay within each others energy levels and keeping up with each other ideas and supporting each other in that sense.

spouse may have natal jupiter in gemini, 3rd house, air sign or air house.

jupiter in 4th house: marriage may bring luck in family relations. perhaps getting closer to family through marriage, visiting family more often after marriage, spending more time with the mother especially after marriage. this is also an indication of having luck in having a family of your own, so having kids may bring more luck in that field. having a comfortable home of your own will expand your luck, being comfortable in your own home is very important for example, having every detail of the house according to the way that makes you feel warm and cosy can make a different in your growth as a person. this placement is spiritually gifted with their intuition and learning to believe in themselves. Jupiter here has a lesson to never diss oneself and always believe in your abilities after marriage. through marriage connecting with ones ancestors may bring great fortune also.

spouse may have natal jupiter in cancer, 4th house, water sign or water house.

jupiter in 5th house: the couple may have luck in children. this placement really enhances the amount of children the couple may have, so most likely people with this placement have lots of children. also the couple may find happiness and expansion with children, perhaps it helps with their mental health, their spiritual journey, their mindset and their luck in general. also this placement may find growth in their confidence may grow in confidence and have their own way. also this placement most likely will be quite well known whether its within the community, neighbouring, worldwide etc. This placement finds growth in their ego, so usually after marriage their views of life and their mindset may drrastically change for the better especially after having kids.

spouse may have natal jupiter in leo, 5th house, fire sign or fire house.

jupiter in 6th house: marriage may bring luck to health and fitness. this placement may have fortune in their health for example getting more fitter by going to gym, eating more healthy, changing unhealthy life style, changing up their routine for the better after marriage. the couple may find expansion in the field of taking care of something, perhaps taking care of each other, taking care of pets, taking care of friends, taking care of grand-parents and so forth, however, that will bring luck. jupiter here may bring lessons it terms of criticality, judgement, lack of mentality and perfectionism after marriage. jupiter here brings luck in routine, their day-to-day life may be lucky for example someone with this placement may just get opportunities when going to the store or finding a valuable item while walking a dog and so forth.

spouse may have natal jupiter in virgo, 6th house, earth sign or earth house.

jupiter in 7th house: marriage may be favourable in having good relations to each others grandparents. this placement may experience lots of luck in law situations such as legal matters related to the government and documents. the couple may never be involved in problems related to the law or always have luck in that field. marriage may bring luck to connections and relations in general, you may have more ease connecting with other people, you may get on with people more easily. this may work to this placements favour as it can expand the amount of opportunities one can receive, getting more compliments, being liked by people you thought disliked you and so forth.

spouse may have natal jupiter in libra, 7th house, air sign or air house.

jupiter in 8th house: couple may have luck in keeping secrets, what i mean by that is they keep things private very well so that comes to an advantage to them because it shocks the people around them and question things like 'since when??' or 'whatt?' that sort of vibe. this placement keeps people wondering, guessing and interested in your marriage and this placement never gives them the satisfaction. this protects the couples privacy and protects their energy also. this protects the couple from negative energy which protects their luck. this is a very powerful placement to have since this expands the spiritual bond between he couple also. strategizing goals and researching and just planning in general may bring luck to this placement for example, planning outings, shopping, researching contracts and the background of the contract before signing, researching what holiday you'll be travelling to and so forth.

spouse may have natal jupiter in scorpio, 8th house, water sign or water house.

jupiter in 9th house: this placement brings luck to those who travel abroad, living outside of the environment that they grew up in will bring growth and extreme luck. another thing is that the couple may find luck in being enthusiastic and charismatic, also making jokes and taking things with a grain of salt, not over exaggerating stuff will be favourable for this placement. also marriage may be full of discovery, always learning, always exploring. being in a good relationship with parent-in-law brings luck to the marriage so being in good terms with spouses parents may be very favourable for this placement and may bring lots of opportunities related to travel, fulfilment, study and spiritual growth. another thing with this placement is that jupiter being in its home house, this is very expanding and broadening in terms of their conscious mind, jupiter can guide the couple in marriage and incline their mental and astral growth. basically, marriage is spiritually guided by the higher energies, marriage was meant to happen in order for this placement to achieve and complete their mission of this physical realm.

spouse may have natal jupiter in sagittarius, 9th house, fire sign or fire house.

jupiter in 10th house: marriage may bring luck in image of this placement. the couple may find luck in their career, may get promotions, upgrades, bonuses, movement to higher position etc etc. jupiter here gives luck in other peoples view about you, the vast majority of people may have a different perception of you in a good way after marriage. also marriage may bring reputation to your image that expands your opportunities and respect from other people. also people may find you more serious after marriage. an honourable thing to keep in mind with this placement is that over a certain period of time, jupiter brings severe luck through hard work and determination for this placement during marriage, marriage may strengthen and jupiter offers its full expansion later in life in this marriage. this is also an indication of a very long lasting marriage, even a marriage that last until old age.

spouse may have natal jupiter in capricorn, 10th house, earth sign or earth house.

jupiter in 11th house: marriage may find luck in social gatherings, groups and outings. couple may face extreme luck on social media and technology, for example may have a successful social media platform or have extreme luck with technology, long-lasting, fast running and so forth. marriage may expand social groups also, this placement may find more accepting and understanding friends after marriage especially. may also find their true friend group after marriage. this placement may also experience growth in expressing themselves the way its most authentically true to themselves and being comfortable about it after marriage. this is also a placement that brings unplanned events and turns it into the most luckiest thing ever, this placement may find the most luck through spontaneous events, events that happen through spite for example getting calls from an old friend to go to a café the next day, that day turns out to be one of the best, or another example may be getting invited to an important event having only a short period of time of notice, when arriving at event you see people that are well known and receiving offers from them and so on.

spouse may have natal jupiter in aquarius, 11th house, air sign or air house.

jupiter in 12th house: this placement may have luck in spirituality, the couple may be spiritually guided by the universe and have luck overseas. for example when travelling pay just have the best luck ever and may feel complete when travelling long distances in general. this placement often brings luck when it comes to sleeping, for example you may be guided when in bed with your partner if that makes ant sense, like you may feel better you may sleep better and you may even dream better. marriage may bring luck in artistic areas of life for example having luck in being an artist, singer, model, teacher, poet, also tarot reader. this placement may get oversea recognition in these artistic areas. marriage may expand the mind to prioritise mindfulness in order to not fall into dangerous addiction tendencies so it is very important to find peace and a healthy coping mechanism through spirituality.

spouse may have natal jupiter in pisces, in 12th house, water sign or water house.

thanks so much for reading, have a nice day ahead!🌛⭐🌼

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kleopatra45 · 3 months ago

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Saturn in the Signs [Solar Return]

Aries

Direct: When Saturn is direct in Aries during your solar return, you’ll feel a surge of motivation to assert your independence. This year is about taking bold steps, starting new initiatives, and embracing your leadership potential. You’ll learn to channel your energy constructively, tackling challenges head-on. It’s a time to define your goals and pursue them with confidence. You may find yourself stepping into new roles where you can shine and show what you’re capable of achieving. Use this direct energy to propel yourself forward and cultivate a strong sense of self.

Retrograde: In retrograde, Saturn in Aries prompts you to reflect on your assertiveness and independence. You may face self-doubt or past challenges related to taking initiative. This is a time to reassess how you approach your goals and whether you’re truly following your path. Old patterns of impatience or impulsiveness may resurface, urging you to dig deep and make necessary adjustments. Use this period to work on personal growth and establish a clearer vision of your aspirations. Embrace the opportunity to refine your approach to asserting yourself and cultivating confidence.

Taurus

Direct: With Saturn direct in Taurus, this year focuses on building stability and security. You’ll feel driven to evaluate your values and resources, making practical decisions about finances and long-term investments. It’s a time for patience and persistence as you work toward creating a solid foundation in your life. You may find joy in cultivating what truly matters to you, whether that’s relationships, possessions, or personal values. Direct energy encourages you to take tangible steps toward your goals, establishing a sense of stability that can carry you through future challenges.

Retrograde: During Saturn’s retrograde in Taurus, expect to revisit your relationship with money and values. You might find old financial patterns or insecurities resurfacing, prompting deeper reflection. This is a time to reassess what brings you security and happiness. Are your current pursuits aligned with your true values? Use this period to let go of attachments that no longer serve you. It’s an opportunity for inner growth and realigning your priorities, helping you develop a more authentic relationship with what you value most.

Gemini

Direct: Saturn direct in Gemini brings a focus on communication and learning. This year, you’ll be driven to articulate your thoughts and ideas clearly. You may take on new projects that require strong communication skills or delve into learning experiences that expand your knowledge base. It’s a great time to build connections and foster relationships through dialogue. Embrace opportunities to share your wisdom and engage with others. The direct energy of Saturn supports your efforts in establishing a solid intellectual foundation, allowing you to express yourself confidently and effectively.

Retrograde: With Saturn retrograde in Gemini, it’s a time to reflect on your communication style and the messages you convey. Past misunderstandings or unresolved issues may resurface, prompting you to revisit conversations and clarify intentions. This period invites you to reassess how you connect with others and express your ideas. Consider whether your communication aligns with your true self. It’s an excellent opportunity to refine your thoughts and engage in deeper introspection, helping you emerge with a clearer voice and stronger connections.

Cancer

Direct: When Saturn is direct in Cancer, you’ll focus on nurturing your emotional foundations. This year is all about establishing boundaries within family dynamics and creating a secure home environment. You’ll feel driven to confront any emotional challenges head-on, leading to personal growth and healing. Direct energy encourages you to take responsibility for your feelings and relationships, fostering deeper connections with loved ones. Embrace the opportunities to nurture yourself and others, laying down roots that provide emotional support and stability throughout the year.

Retrograde: Saturn retrograde in Cancer invites you to revisit past emotional wounds and family dynamics. You may feel pulled to reassess how you nurture yourself and those around you. Old patterns of emotional dependency or avoidance might resurface, prompting deeper introspection. Use this time to confront and heal unresolved issues from your past. It’s an opportunity to redefine what emotional security means to you and establish healthier boundaries. Embrace this reflective phase as a chance to cultivate self-awareness and stronger emotional foundations.

Leo

Direct: With Saturn direct in Leo, this year is all about embracing your creativity and self-expression. You’ll feel empowered to take on leadership roles and showcase your talents. It’s a time to set clear goals for your creative projects and pursue them with confidence. The direct energy of Saturn encourages you to shine brightly and take responsibility for your unique gifts. Embrace opportunities to inspire others while staying true to yourself. This is your moment to step into the spotlight and make your mark on the world!

Retrograde: During Saturn’s retrograde in Leo, you may find yourself reflecting on your self-expression and creative pursuits. Past insecurities or fears of judgment might come up, prompting you to reassess how you share your talents with the world. This is a time to dig deep into your creative identity and confront any blocks you encounter. Use this period to redefine what it means to express yourself authentically, letting go of any limiting beliefs that hold you back. Embrace the opportunity for growth and personal transformation.

Virgo

Direct: When Saturn is direct in Virgo, it’s all about honing your skills and improving your daily routines. You’ll feel motivated to focus on health, organization, and productivity this year. It’s a time to set practical goals and implement systems that enhance your efficiency. You may take on new responsibilities that require attention to detail and hard work. Embrace the direct energy of Saturn to cultivate healthy habits and streamline your daily life. This is your chance to make lasting improvements that will benefit you in the long run!

Retrograde: With Saturn retrograde in Virgo, you’ll have the opportunity to reflect on your routines and habits. Past issues related to perfectionism or self-criticism might resurface, prompting you to reassess your approach to work and health. This is a time to evaluate what’s truly necessary in your life and let go of what no longer serves you. Use this period for introspection, allowing yourself to confront any fears or insecurities that impact your daily life. Embrace the chance to refine your goals and establish a more balanced approach to productivity.

Libra

Direct: Saturn direct in Libra highlights relationships and partnerships this year. You’ll feel driven to establish balance and fairness in your connections with others. It’s a great time to take on commitments that require mutual support and cooperation. You may find yourself focusing on how you engage with others, learning valuable lessons about compromise and collaboration. Embrace the direct energy of Saturn to strengthen your bonds and create harmonious relationships. This is a powerful year for setting healthy boundaries and cultivating deeper connections with those around you.

Retrograde: During Saturn’s retrograde in Libra, expect to revisit past relationship patterns and commitments. Old issues may resurface, prompting you to reassess how you approach partnerships. This is a time for reflection on fairness and balance in your connections. Are you giving too much or too little? Use this period to confront any unresolved conflicts and redefine your expectations. Embrace the opportunity to learn from the past, helping you create healthier and more fulfilling relationships moving forward.

Scorpio

Direct: With Saturn direct in Scorpio, you’ll experience deep transformation and empowerment this year. This is a time to confront your fears and dive into the emotional depths of your psyche. You’ll feel driven to take responsibility for your own healing and growth. The direct energy of Saturn encourages you to embrace your inner strength and make necessary changes in your life. It’s an opportunity to let go of what no longer serves you, paving the way for personal transformation. Embrace the intensity and depth of this year for profound growth.

Retrograde: Saturn retrograde in Scorpio invites you to reflect on past emotional wounds and power dynamics. You may find unresolved fears or insecurities surfacing, prompting deep introspection. This is a chance to reassess how you handle intimacy, trust, and control in your relationships. Use this time to confront your shadows and work through any emotional blocks. Embrace the opportunity for healing and transformation, allowing yourself to emerge stronger and more self-aware. It’s a powerful period for personal growth, helping you reclaim your power and authenticity.

Sagittarius

Direct: When Saturn is direct in Sagittarius, you’ll feel an urge to expand your horizons and pursue new adventures. This year is all about exploring higher knowledge, philosophy, and travel. You’ll be motivated to set long-term goals related to education, spirituality, or personal growth. Embrace the direct energy of Saturn to take on new learning opportunities and broaden your perspective. It’s a time to cultivate a deeper understanding of the world around you. Step outside your comfort zone and embrace the journey of discovery—it’s your chance to grow and evolve!

Retrograde: During Saturn’s retrograde in Sagittarius, expect to reflect on your beliefs and philosophies. You may find yourself revisiting past lessons learned or reassessing what truly resonates with you. This period invites introspection, allowing you to confront any limiting beliefs that hinder your growth. It’s a time to evaluate your goals related to travel, education, and spiritual pursuits. Embrace the opportunity to refine your vision and align your path with your authentic self. Use this phase to deepen your understanding and clarify your aspirations moving forward.

Capricorn

Direct: With Saturn direct in Capricorn, this year is all about ambition and responsibility. You’ll feel driven to set practical goals and pursue your long-term dreams with determination. This is a time for hard work and dedication, allowing you to establish a solid foundation for your future. Embrace the direct energy of Saturn to take on leadership roles and tackle challenges head-on. It’s your moment to shine and show what you’re capable of achieving. Focus on building your career and personal aspirations, laying the groundwork for success!

Retrograde: During Saturn’s retrograde in Capricorn, you’ll have the opportunity to reflect on your ambitions and career path. Old challenges or insecurities related to responsibility may resurface, prompting you to reassess your goals. This is a time to evaluate what truly matters to you in your professional life. Use this period for introspection, allowing yourself to confront any fears of failure or limitations. Embrace the chance to redefine your ambitions and make necessary adjustments to your path. It’s a powerful opportunity for growth and realignment.

Aquarius

Direct: When Saturn is direct in Aquarius, it’s all about innovation and social change. This year, you’ll feel inspired to contribute to your community and embrace your unique perspective. You’ll be motivated to set progressive goals that align with your values. The direct energy of Saturn encourages collaboration and teamwork, pushing you to take responsibility for your role in the collective. Embrace opportunities to advocate for social causes and challenge the status quo. This is your chance to make a difference and inspire others with your vision!

Retrograde: During Saturn’s retrograde in Aquarius, expect to reflect on your social connections and the impact of your ideas. You may find past friendships or group dynamics resurfacing, prompting you to reassess your role within the community. This period invites introspection, allowing you to confront any limiting beliefs related to your individuality and contributions. Use this time to refine your goals and clarify your vision for the future. Embrace the opportunity to deepen your understanding of your social values and how they align with your personal aspirations.

Pisces

Direct: With Saturn direct in Pisces, this year focuses on spiritual growth and emotional healing. You’ll feel inspired to explore your intuition and embrace your creative side. It’s a time to take responsibility for your inner world, setting boundaries that support your emotional well-being. The direct energy of Saturn encourages you to cultivate a deeper understanding of your dreams and aspirations. Embrace opportunities for self-discovery and healing, allowing yourself to connect with your spiritual path. This is your chance to create a life that reflects your true self!

Retrograde: During Saturn’s retrograde in Pisces, expect to delve into your subconscious and reflect on your spiritual beliefs. Past emotional wounds or illusions may resurface, prompting you to reassess your connection to your intuition. This is a time for introspection and healing, allowing you to confront any fears or insecurities that impact your emotional landscape. Embrace the opportunity to let go of what no longer serves you and redefine your spiritual goals. This reflective phase can lead to profound insights and growth, helping you align with your authentic self.

©️kleopatra45

#astrology #astroblr #astro notes #astrology readings #astrology community #astrology observations #houses in astrology #astrology tumblr #astro community #solar return #solar return notes #solar return chart #saturn in astrology

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ghostlyferrettarot · 8 months ago

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✨️💎Jupiter and the signs💎✨️

❗️All the observations in this post are based on personal experience and research, it's completely fine if it doesn't resonate with everyone❗️

✨️Paid Services ✨️ (Natal charts and tarot readings) Open!

🌟If you like my work you can support me through Ko-fi. Thank you!🌟

💎Masterlist💎

♣︎Jupiter in Aries: They tend to be more enthusiastic, assertive, energetic, and full of ideas about how to initiate, promote, or expand ideas. You can also be more stubborn and very persuasive in getting people to embark on your plans and ideas. As Jupiter represents the principle of growth and the notion of something higher, the actions of those born under the influence of Jupiter in Aries can lead to personal development more easily.

♣︎Jupiter in Taurus: indicates a predisposition to use money and material resources correctly and beneficially. Jupiter in the sign of Taurus has a strong tendency to attract wealth and have a good sense of the value of things. Those who obtain it like to enjoy material comfort, good food, various forms of art and the good things in life in general. They appreciate what is good and what has personal value, even if it is expensive.

♣︎Jupiter in Gemini: they tend to be intellectually curious, they can read a lot or be that type of person who is always on the Internet looking for new information, news, curiosities and teachings. Their curiosity can be aroused in different areas, so they tend to be mentally restless and enjoy movement. Valuing communication is an essential part of those who have this position, for example Working in the communication industry, whether with journalism , advertising, public relations or tourism.

♣︎Jupiter in Cancer: these individuals focus on family experiences, knowledge base, past and personal roots. The place where they belong and call their own, is also a place where friends and acquaintances can find greater comfort in case they have problems guiding the course of life. There is a desire to create a safe, comfortable, friendly, welcoming and prosperous family environment that can also be used for educational and fun activities.

♣︎Jupiter in Leo: Optimism, generosity and a kind way of being are highlighted. You tend to like to be admired and valued. Jupiter in the sign of Leo brings the tendency of leadership. Its natives generally arouse enthusiasm in other people, and therefore have the potential to be good leaders. The generosity, firmness and reliability of these natives stands out.

♣︎Jupiter in Virgo: The person will care about the details and the precision of his behavior. It influences the person to appreciate the details, the kind that he can do a lot with a little. They have a superior, prudent, intellectual, analytical and practical nature; They differentiate what is essential from what is not essential, truth from fiction, what is valid and what is not. Their judgment is generally excellent.

♣︎Jupiter in Libra: They are people who tend to worry about the moral principles that guide society, their unions and their interpersonal relationships. Natives with Jupiter in Libra believe that love and justice can create a much more harmonious social order, being more generous people and, for this reason, more popular and loved. These personal characteristics can make them develop activities related to the public. It is not uncommon for people with this position to be attracted to becoming diplomats, salespeople, presenters, etc.

♣︎Jupiter in Scorpio: tends to have a greater appreciation for everything that is hidden, secret. They like to investigate and delve into other people's minds, as well as more ethereal topics, such as death, the occult and religion, for example. Jupiter in Scorpio can discover secret information about the private affairs of others in an extremely natural way. People have the potential to become more resourceful and have very strong and resolute opinions regarding their beliefs.

♣︎Jupiter in Sagittarius: One of the main interests of those who have Jupiter in Sagittarius is higher knowledge. Topics such as philosophy or religion, education and foreign cultures have a lot of meaning and are appreciated. They tend to choose their own system of thought that will govern their behavior and the way they view life. This is the type of attitude that can earn a person the respect and admiration of others in many situations.

♣︎Jupiter in Capricorn: You can demonstrate greater economic or political responsibility, being prudent, cautious and trying to be fair in your judgments. For people with Jupiter in Capricorn, management, status and recognition tend to gain more importance. Due to Characteristics such as ambition, patience, administrative ability and the wisdom to deal with the resources acquired throughout life, those born with this position generally manage to save money and own property.

♣︎Jupiter in Aquarius: they tend to enjoy interacting with people of all classes, races or creeds, without much distinction or prejudice. They tend to be more tolerant and understanding, recognizing more easily that everyone has their place in the world and that in all positions there are lessons to learn. Jupiter in Aquarius are more likely to engage in philanthropic activities aimed at helping others.

♣︎Jupiter in Pisces: they tend to be more emotional, understanding and endowed with a greater sense of compassion. Having spiritual or philosophical convictions, with this positioning, becomes more possible; People can develop a more comprehensive, universal and fulfilling spiritual understanding. Because of this greater search for elevation, they tend to eventually enjoy moments of isolation, becoming more introspective. By meditating, you can better develop this intuition and renew yourself spiritually.

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usafphantom2 · 2 months ago

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Paint it Black! Making one of the first titanium airplanes was difficult .

Titanium was corrugated to make room for expansion when the titanium heated up at top speed of 2200+ mph. The skin panels were fastened to the underlying structure with oblong holes which would allow the skin to expand and contract without the fasteners causing buckling. And the skin over the wing was also corrugated to prevent warping during expansion, this is actually quite noticeable, you can see the sections that are corrugated quite clearly here in this artistic photo.

Titanium makes up 93% of the SR 71 structure. It’s strength to weight ratio, or specific strength, is better than Aluminium. Yet today very little titanium is used in everyday objects. Planes primarily use aluminum, not titanium.. why is it not used?

The development of the A-12 the Skunk Works, a small division of Lockheed discovered that making the blackbird out of titanium was going to be anything but easy

Titanium is expensive because its refinement process is a nightmare. To make Titanium, we start with a feedstock in the form of Titanium Dioxide, with this chemical formula. This oxide ore called rutile can be found in high concentrations in dark sandy soils.

Build the SR-71 the US needed to buy vast quantities of the mineral from the Soviets. To do this they purchased the material through ghost organizations to hide the final destination of the material. One of the companies that were made up was a company to make pizza ovens supposedly… the Russians believed this story!

Had the Soviets known what they were helping build, they would not have sold the material. However, the US likely could have just purchased the material from mines in Australia. This is a relatively common raw material and is primarily used as a white pigment for paints and is even found in sunscreen lotion as ultraviolet radiation blocking pigment.

The primary titanium alloy used in the SR-71 was thirteen percent vanadium, eleven percent chromium, and three percent aluminum. Both Chromium and Aluminium form thermally stable oxide layers on the outer skin of the metal. Which prevents oxygen from diffusing further into the metal and causing it to become more brittle.

Which raises the max operating temperature of the metal!

Vanadium acts as a stabilizer for a crystal structure referred to as the beta phase. This leads to a material with higher tensile strength and better formability. Through trial and error and problems that were solved by the geniuses that worked at the Skunk Works. They discovered that their cadmium plated tools were leaving trace amounts of cadmium on bolts, which would cause galvanic corrosion and cause the bolts to fail. This discovery led to all cadmium tools to be removed from the workshop.

This article just proves what we already know today when people work together and work hard to solve problems. New ground was broken with the formulation of titanium that led to the success of the SR 71 and the tremendous heat and strength that this magnificent airplane needed.

As Ben Rich head engineer and later, he replaced Kelly Johnson as the head skunk said in his book called the Skunk Works. ‘’I volunteered some unsolicited advice about how we could use a softer titanium that began to lose its strength at 550° to paint the airplane black

From my college things I remember that good heat absorber was also a good heat emitter it would actually radiate away more heat then it would absorb through thick friction. I calculated the black paint would lowered the wing temperature 35° by radiation think of how much easier it will be to build an airplane using softer titanium.

It was my father Butch Sheffield’s boss Ben Rich, who saved the Blackbird program time and money, with his idea of painting it black.

wisconsinmetaltech.com/titanium-and-t… is my Source and SkunkWorks by Ben Rich

Linda Sheffield

@Habubrats71 via X

#sr 71 #sr71 #sr 71 blackbird #aircraft #usaf #lockheed aviation #skunkworks #aviation #mach3+#habu #reconnaissance #cold war aircraft

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sanshofox · 1 year ago

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At this point I am really wondering how the entertainment industry, especially gaming industry, is going to uphold/maintain themselves.

One layoff after another. How are people from that industry supposed to find a new job there when layoffs are happening everywhere? Do studios really think there’s longevity when they aren’t even willing to hire newcomers/juniors so there‘s adequate supply in the work force? Because look at how it’s currently going: investors want more and more money, the workload increases, but people are getting fired, leaving a smaller team to do said work, even distributing them for 2 or 3 projects at the same time, only to crash in a burnout or in later years go into retirement. Then who’s left? AI? Are you kidding me? As if games aren’t becoming more and more repetitive anyway, because of some „safe recipe for good numbers“ strategy. Creativity and the people behind it are suffering.

It’s been almost 2 years since I saw a junior 3D character artist offer. Ever since then it’s been a desert. And it’s not looking all too bright in other departments either. It’s now even a thing in job descriptions where they want you to have „AI abilities“. So as a junior or regular they want you to feed their machine, so in a few years they can fire you. The audacity.

Another audacity are those layoffs just to rehire people for a smaller price (can’t tell me otherwise. For me this is a tactic to put pressure on the work force to say yes to less money otherwise they will stay jobless). People that made projects what they are today, who are seniors and leads for a reason, out of a job just like that. Make it make sense (it doesn’t).

Studios like ubisoft now openly saying that they want to focus on AI, like assets completely made by AI to „save time and money“ and expand AI onto more fields. Shame on them.

The way creative industries like gaming finance themselves is also their biggest poison. And I only see a solution in that by regulating investors demands and upper positions sheaningans. They can’t have „absolute power“ anymore. It’s destructive and greedy and not realistic. Games can not be linearly successful. For the game design „recipe“ to improve it needs iteration just like when you work in a project for example and work on a design that needs to be iterated until it‘s improved or solid even. We see time and time again that „business/numbers people“ and creatives do not go hand in hand. We see an extreme imbalance.

I would predict that with less creative new input and letting mainly AI do the work consumers will be less and less entertained because everything seems to be and look the same. It will stagnate. And then crumble. And the industry needs to start like it did before. And that’s what I guess for the big companies.

With the layoffs happening and not enough job offers in return I could see that big talents get together to build their own studios now and we may get an era of new successful and growing studios happening that may even replace the current triple A studios one day in the future. They may even change the financing game. We saw successful games happening through platforms like kickstarter more often. So it might lead back to a „power to the people“ thing. Having an idea for a project and seeing if enough people agree and invest to see it happening. There’s room for improvement in that system. That’s all what it leads back to; in the end the consumers need to be satisfied to make it a creative and monetary success. BG3 and larian studios was a good example for that. It’s what made coral island grow and grow too. So there‘s potential.

Feel free to comment your theories. I really would like to see what others think about the current state of gaming studios and how it will or could develop.

#video games #gaming #rant #venting

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librarycards · 2 months ago

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Jenny Odell: I sometimes feel that in an individualistic culture, people get freaked out by the idea of being tied down or responsible for anything. Thinking about a gift economy, they might say, “I want the gift part but not the accountability part.” Lately, I’ve been volunteering in this native plant restoration group, and one of the most surprising parts has been how enlivening it is to help keep something else alive (I’ve never had a garden before). Sometimes I truly can’t tell whether I’m giving or getting. What are some ways that you see participation in a gift economy changing the participant’s sense of herself and her place in a network? In other words, is participation itself part of the gift?

RK: Yes. Exactly. Participation is part of the gift, where giving and getting meld into one another. A garden teaches you that every day. Gifts and responsibilities are always coupled to each other.

Of course, you’re right that given our hyper-individualistic culture, many people are not eager to embrace responsibility. Its often confounded, I think with the notion of “obligation”. Obligation feels to me like an involuntary demand on our time and energy, imposed from outside without the assurance that you’ll benefit in return. I’m sometimes reluctant about that, too. But, responsibility is an invitation to respond to need, an opening to reciprocity in which the benefits flow both ways. The benefits of participation in a gift economy are not only flowing to the gift recipient but the giver as well. Working on your restoration project, or any other gift exchange strengthens your own sense of agency, doesn’t it? It awakens care and compassion, builds relationship and nurtures your own identity as a person of capacity, of having enough abundance in your life that you can share it. I think it contributes to a sense of purpose, which we know is good medicine. It reminds you that you matter, that you’re part of something. That’s a big reward.

I find that some of the times that I feel most fully alive are in experiences of shared physical work in community with others. Like an old-time husking bee or shared planting. We’ve lost so many of the opportunities for that and gift economies provide the opportunity to work in common, to satisfy the need for belonging. And when that work is on the land and the benefits flow into our neighborhood of many species, the benefits are multiplied beyond the boundaries of ourselves.

JO: There is a really beautiful analogy you draw between the economy of nature and the human gift economy. Asking what in the gift economy functions as the “sun”–the constantly replenishing source of energy–you speculate: “Maybe it is love.” Reading this, it occurred to me how love is in essence a surplus, the force that gets things going. Could you speak more to the emotional and practical role that things like love and gratitude play in a gift economy? And how do they change the way we see “resources”?

RK: The fundamental currency of a gift economy, is relationship, not money. I suppose it’s what some people call “social capital”, but I’m not fond of that term. Participation in a gift economy could create a whole continuum of relationships, from the warmth of being cared for or an expanded sense of justice to just plain neighborliness. This can create a sense of security because mutual reliance grows from gift exchange. There is a sense of satisfaction in being able to give, and a sense of kinship in being able to receive, when we share the mutual acknowledgment of human vulnerability. For me, that continuum of relationships includes the possibility of a currency of love and gratitude that motivates the gift exchange, which is the source of the flow, between people and between people and the earth as well.

Gift-giving is a way of saying “I see you.” I see what you need and I see what I have to share. My well-being is tied to yours and yours to mine. It develops a trust that when I am in need, there will be abundance shared with me. The giver and the recipient are honored at the same time. That seems a lot like love to me.

Robin Wall Kimmerer, interviewed by Jenny Odell, Gift Thinking. [emphasis added]

#this is a fantastic interview im so excited for RWK's new book #robin wall kimmerer #jenny odell #ecology #world healing #readings #mine #words

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winchesterwild78 · 4 months ago

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The Tutor

Master List

Characters: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Warnings: Nothing too bad yet, just a chapter to establish the story. Some language and some physical grabbing.

**Trigger Warning: Some of this chapter could be considered Domestic Violence. It’s grabbing an arm, and being controlling.**

A/N: Just a quick idea that popped in my head. A short series, maybe 2 or 3 chapters. I don’t know yet. No disrespect to Jensen or his family. This is a work of fiction. Jensen has children in this, but I do not use their real names.

Reader is a teacher and is asked to tutor Jensen’s child. Things develop between Jensen and the reader. I do not condone cheating, again, this is a work of fiction.

This chapter got a little long. Sorry not sorry. 😀

Minors DNI 18+

It was about 5 am when your alarm went off. You rolled over, grumbled and turned it off. Your husband was still sleeping next to you. Crawling out of bed you went to your bathroom and jumped in the shower.

About 15 minutes later you were dressed and ready for work. You’d been a teacher for about 10 years, and you loved every second of it. Your husband encouraged you to expand your talent and offer tutoring in the afternoons as a way to help save money for the summer months when you didn’t get paid.

You talked to the principal of your school and she told you she’d put out feelers to see if anyone had a lead on a possible need for a tutor.

Grabbing your coffee, lunch and bag you headed for your car. It was a chilly morning, but you welcomed the change in temperature. As you pulled in the parking lot to the school, you noticed you were one of the first ones there.

You sighed, gathered your things and got out of your car. As you walked in the building you saw the principal was in her office already. “Hey, Y/N, hold on a second.” You walked to her office door and waited for her to get off the phone.

“Hey, Y/N. I’m glad I caught you. So I talked to a friend of mine and she said she knows a couple who is looking for a tutor for their children. They have 3 kids, an older daughter, and a set of twins, a boy and a girl. The mother is out of town, but the father wanted to come in and see you in action and then sit down with you. Is that okay with you?”

“Oh, yeah that’s fine. Is he coming in today?” “Yes, if you were okay with it he wanted to come in today. If they decided to go with you, they’d want you to start ASAP.”

“Um, okay. Yeah. That’s fine. Hopefully it doesn’t distract my kiddos, but sure. Tell him to come by whenever.” “Great! I’ll give him a call.” You nodded and walked to your classroom.

Before the kids arrived, you sent your husband a text.

You: Hey, I might have a potential tutoring gig. Ms Smith is having a dad come in today. He and his wife wanted to see me in action. I’d be tutoring their three kids. I’ll let you know how it goes. I love you, babe.

Hubby: That’s great, you sure three kids won’t be too much? I love you too.

You: 3 kids? I teach 22 kids all day. I think I can handle 3.

Hubby: Yeah, you’re right.

You finished getting things ready for the day as the kids started to arrive. “Good morning Ms Y/L/N!” The kids greeted you as they came into the room. “Good morning everyone.”

Once the students got settled you called them to sit on the carpet to talk about today and how there might be a visitor. They were excited. You taught 5 & 6 year olds, so anytime there was a visitor it was always a big deal.

“Now I want you all to be on your best behavior, and if we have a visitor I want you to do your best to ignore them, okay?” The kids nodded in agreement.

A few hours later you were reading a book to your students when you heard your classroom door open. Glancing over you saw the principal and a man walk in. You kept teaching, not paying attention to the people in the room.

When you read books, you are very animated. The kids would giggle and were completely engaged. At the end of your story you asked questions and called on some students to answer. A few minutes later you had them go back to their desks to complete the writing assignment you had given them.

As you walked around checking their writing the principal approached you. “Ms Y/L/N, this is Mr Ackles. Mr Ackles, this is Ms. Y/L/N, our favorite Kindergarten teacher.” Your eyes went wide. Standing in your classroom was Jensen Ackles. His green eyes sparkling like emeralds under the fluorescent lights, his sandy brown hair perfectly styled, and he smelled like heaven.

He extended his hand to shake yours. “Hello Ms Y/L/N, I’ve heard so much about you. It’s nice to finally meet you.” You took his hand in yours and your breath hitched. You knew who he was, you’d been a fan for years. “Nice to meet you too, Mr Ackles. I look forward to speaking with you more about the tutoring needs of your children.”

He smiled and nodded. The two of you couldn’t tear your eyes away from each other. You unconsciously bit your lip. The sound of a little voice pulled you two out of your trance. “Ms Y/L/N, is this right?” One of your students came up with her paper for you to check. “So what should this sentence start with?” Her bright eyes looking at you and then down at her paper, “Um, oh a capital.” You smiled and nodded.

She went back to her seat and fixed her paper. “Okay guys, remember to capitalize, and illustrate your writing. Don’t forget your setting and color.”

Your principal came up to you, “We are going to head out, I’ll give Mr. Ackles your number so you two can set up a meeting.” You nodded and thanked them, then they left.

Your heart was still pounding in your chest and you felt a warmth fill your body. Girl, get it together. He’s way out of your league, both of you are married, and you might be tutoring his children. This is just a celebrity crush. Keep it professional.

The end of the day came quickly. You were cleaning up your classroom when you heard a knock on your classroom door. Looking up you saw Jensen. Your breath caught in your throat. “Excuse me Ms Y/L/N, I hope I’m not disturbing you.” “Oh no, I’m just cleaning up before heading home. How can I help you Mr Ackles?”

“Well I really liked what I saw today. You were engaging and gentle but you can see your students know your expectations. I’d like to offer you the tutoring job if you’d like it.” “Oh, of course. May I meet your children before I officially start? This won’t work if the kids don’t like me.”

Jensen smiled and nodded. “I’ll text you my address and you’re welcome to come by this afternoon.” “Sure, that would be great. I can’t wait to meet them and your wife.” You smiled. “Well, she’s out of town right now, so that will have to wait.” “Okay. If you need to wait for her, that's fine. I want her to be fine with me tutoring the kids too.” “Nope, this was something we’d talked about before she left, and she knew I was going to hire someone as soon as I could.”

“Okay, great. I’ll come by this afternoon then. I’ll see you later Mr Ackles.” “Jensen, please call me Jensen.” “Jensen, then. Feel free to call me Y/N.” He smiled and so did you. When he left you pulled out your phone to text your husband.

You: Hey, heading to meet the kids I might be tutoring. The dad asked me to come by this afternoon.

Hubby: Okay, I’ll see you at home later then. Love you

You: I love you too.

You set your phone down and finished cleaning. A few minutes later your phone went off.

Unknown: Hey, Y/N. This is Jensen. My address is 123 E Main Street. Can’t wait for the kids to meet you.

You: Hey, Jensen. I can’t wait to meet them either. I’ll be there in about 20 minutes. Just finishing up here.

Jensen: Great! See you then.

You finished what you were doing and grabbed your stuff heading out of the school. Driving to Jensen’s house you were nervous but excited. You’d tutored before, but never for a celebrity and definitely not for someone you had been crushing on for decades.

Pulling down the long driveway you were in awe at the spacious home that stood before you. Putting your car in park, you grabbed your bag and got out.

Before you could knock on the door it opened and Jensen greeted you with a smile. “Hey, Y/N, glad you could make it.” “Hello, Mr. Ackles, thank you for having me.” “Please, call me Jensen.” You nodded and smiled, “Okay, Jensen.”

He welcomed you into his spacious home and led you to the living room. “Please have a seat, and I’ll get the kids down here. Would you like anything to drink? Tea, water?” “Um, sure, I’ll have water if you don’t mind.” “Sure thing. I’ll grab it and the kids.”

You sat on the couch as Jensen left the room. You heard him calling the kids and the sound of feet on the stairs.

Jensen and the kids came back to the room. He handed you the water. “Thank you.” He nodded and smiled. “Kids, this is Ms Y/L/N, she’s going to be your tutor. Ms Y/L/N, this is my oldest, Annie, and the twins, Jessica and Jensen Jr., we call him Jr.” “Hi guys, it’s nice to finally meet you three.” “Hello Ms Y/L/N, it’s nice to meet you too.” Jensen’s son walked over and sat next to you, “Are you married? Do you have any kids?” “Yes I am married, and no I don’t have any children yet. I’m a teacher so my students are like my kids right now.”

The five of you sat in the living room talking and getting to know each other. After the kids got tired of talking and asking you questions, they left the room. Leaving you and Jensen alone. “So, Y/N, what do you think? Think you can handle them?” You smiled and nodded, “Yes. They seem really sweet, I’d be just fine with them.”

“Well, all that’s left is to talk about schedule, pay, and the NDA. The NDA is to protect everyone involved. You’re more than welcome to contact an attorney to look it over.” You smiled and nodded. About 45 minutes later you and Jensen had talked about your schedule, the pay and he’d given you the NDA.

“So, Y/N, do you have any additional questions for me?” “Yes, when will your wife be back, I’d love to meet her too.” “She won’t be back for a few weeks, but you’ll get to meet her when she returns.” You nodded and stood, “Well, Jensen I better leave you to it. I need to get home anyway. I have some things to do for work.” “Of course, well thank you again for coming by this evening. Let me walk you out.”

The two of you walked towards the door. “Thank you again, Y/N for agreeing to take this job. We’ve interviewed so many people and they couldn’t get past my status to focus on the kids.” “If I’m being honest Jensen, I’ve been a fan of yours for years, but I promise that will not interfere with my job.” Jensen stepped a little closer to you, and your heart beat faster, “I’m glad. I think this is going to work out for everyone.” A blush filled your cheeks and you bit your lip. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Y/N.” “I’ll see you tomorrow, Jensen. Please tell the kids goodbye.” He nodded as you stepped out of the house.

Getting into your car, you let out the breath you’d been holding. Driving home you couldn’t focus on anything but how gorgeous Jensen looked. Stop it girl! You work for him now. If you can’t stop these thoughts there is no way you’re going to be able to work for him. Your focus should be on his children. Both of you are married, and his wife is absolutely gorgeous.

About a half hour later you were pulling in your driveway. Your husband was already home. Walking in the house you announced you were home, “Honey I’m home.” Your husband, Jeff, came around the corner and pulled you into a hug and a kiss.

“How was the meeting with the family?” He asked as he pulled back. “It was great. The kids are so sweet. The wife is out of town and the dad is super nice too. There is a little problem. Well, not really a problem, but something I need to tell you.” “Okay, babe, is everything okay?” “Yeah, so the dad asked me to sign an NDA.” Your husband laughed, “Why is he a secret service agent or a celebrity?” You got a serious look on your face and your husband’s laughter died down. “What? Is he really?” “He and his wife are celebrities. It’s Jensen Ackles.”

Your husband pulled away and looked at you in surprise. He knew how much you liked Jensen and how much of a fan you’d been. “Yeah, I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with you working for him.” You looked at him confused, “What? Why not?” “Oh I don’t know, maybe because you’ve had the hots for him for years.”

“Jeff, come on, really? I have no interest in him. I love you and I’m married to you. This is a job to help bring in more income for us. Besides, the pay is incredible. I tried to negotiate because I felt it was too much, but he insisted. We’d make enough in two months to pay off our credit cards.”

Your husband’s jaw tightened, “I don’t care. I forbid you to take this job!” “I’m sorry, what? You forbid me?!? What the hell is wrong with you?” He stepped closer to you, “You heard me. You can’t take the job.” You scoffed and walked away. Jeff grabbed your arm, “Don’t fucking walk away from me!” “Let me go Jeff!” You pulled your arm away and walked to your shared room, locking the door behind you.

You sat on your bed and cried. How could he act like this? You two had been married for years and never had you given him a reason to doubt your loyalty. He’d never grabbed you before and you would never let him do it again.

You pulled out your phone and sent a text to your best friend.

You: Hey, can I come crash at your place for a bit. Jeff and I had a bad fight. I don’t want to be here right now.

Y/B/F: Absolutely. Are you okay? Do you need me and hubby to come over?

You: Yeah, I’m okay. No, I’ll be okay. I’ll call if I need you.

Y/B/F: Okay babes, see you soon.

You grabbed your suitcase and put some work clothes and casual clothes in it. You grabbed your toiletries and other things you needed. As you walked out into the living room Jeff was sitting on the couch. You could see he was still pissed. “Have you come to your senses, Y/N?” “Yes I have, I’m going to Y/B/F’s house until I figure things out. You will NEVER put your hands on me again!”

He stood and your heart beat fast. As he walked closer to you, you could see the rage in his face. You had been with him for years and you had never seen him like this, you were scared.

Jeff stepped closer to you, mere inches from your face, “That’s right, go run to her house and go be his whore.” You didn’t say anything. You grabbed your bags and left.

Driving down the road the tears started to fall. How could he act like this over a simple job? Why was he so jealous over Jensen? Sure you liked him, but you would never act on those feelings.

Pulling into your friend’s driveway you saw her open the door before you got out of the car. She ran up to you and threw her arms around you. “Oh sweetie, what happened?” She saw your tear stained face. “I told him about the tutoring job I took and he lost it. Told me I couldn’t take it and then he grabbed my arm. When I told him I was leaving he told me to go be the dad’s whore. I don’t know what’s gotten into him.”

“Let’s get you inside, eat and I’ll open a bottle of wine. Then we can talk.” You nodded and grabbed your things. Her husband walked over and gave you a big hug, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m gonna head out so you girls can chat. Enjoy dinner.” He placed a kiss on your head before heading out the door.

Y/F/N and you grabbed the food, and wine and sat down in the living room. “So why would he get so pissed about a tutoring job?” “Well the dad asked me to sign an NDA, he’s a celebrity. I guess Jeff thought I’d sleep with the dad or something. I just don’t understand.” “Oooh who is it?” “I wish I could tell you, but I can’t. Maybe I can ask if I can tell you, but I want to respect his privacy.” “I get it, but Jeff still shouldn’t have gotten pissed about it. Sounds like he’s got something to hide honestly.”

You hadn’t thought about that before, but now you couldn’t get it out of your head. Maybe he was the one cheating on you and was projecting. “Well even if he is, I don’t think I can go back to him. After he put his hands on me and the way he tried to intimidate me before I left. I can’t live with that fear.” “You are welcome to stay here as long as you want. We’ve got you girl, and don’t worry he won’t get near you here.”

*Time Jump 3 months*

“Okay guys, let’s get up and stretch for a bit. We’ve been working hard. Who wants to go outside and play for a bit?” You asked the kids after spending about an hour working with them at the kitchen table. The kids jumped up and ran outside, laughing and racing each other. You smiled as you started to clean up the table.

Jensen walked into the kitchen and smiled, “Break time, I see.” “Yeah, they needed a break and so did I. Can I get you a coffee, Jensen?” Jensen walked over to the coffee pot, “No, let me get one for you. You’ve been busy educating my children. It’s the least I can do.”

Jensen grabbed a coffee cup and filled it up, sliding it to you at the kitchen bar. You nodded and told him thank you. He filled one up and leaned against the counter. “So, how are they doing? Are you still okay with working with all three of them?” “Oh they are amazing children. You and your wife should be very proud of them. I adore them.”

“Thank you, Y/N. I appreciate that.” “So if you don’t mind me asking, when is Mrs. Ackles coming home? I know she’s been out of town on a trip for about a week.” “Oh, yeah she’s on a girls trip. I believe she will come back next week. Maybe she’ll be around more after she gets back.” You could see the pain in his eyes and it broke your heart. “Well I can’t wait to sit and chat with her. I enjoy talking to you, and I’m sure I’ll enjoy sitting and talking to her too.”

There was a pregnant silence that fell between you two, you looked up and met his eyes. They had a softness to them and were full of kindness. You blushed and smiled. The silence was broken by the sounds of crying. Jensen and you jumped up and ran outside. His daughter, Jessica was sitting on the ground crying. You and Jensen ran over to her and saw her knee was bleeding.

Jensen scooped her up and carried her in the house. He sat her on the counter and you stood next to her. “Shh, it’s okay baby girl. Your daddy is going to get the first aid kit.” You rubbed her back and wiped her tears.

Jensen came back carrying the first aid box. You held Jessica’s hand as he cleaned up the wound. “So Jess, what do you want for dinner? I bet you can get your daddy to get you whatever you want.” “I want cheeseburgers and ice cream, she sniffled.” “Ooh that sounds yummy. Does your daddy make good burgers?” She smiled and nodded.

“Okay baby girl, all done.” Jessica looked at Jensen, “It didn’t even hurt.” Her eyes were wide. You smiled and Jensen looked over at you and smiled. “Well I think Ms Y/N has the magic touch then.” “Yes she does. Ms Y/N, can you stay for dinner?” Jensen was shocked, “Oh honey, Ms. Y/N has to get home to her husband. She can’t stay for dinner.”

“Well, Jessica, if it’s okay with your dad I’d love to stay for dinner.” “Yay! I’m gonna go tell Jr and Annie.” You helped her down and she took off. As you were helping Jensen clean up, he looked at you, “Thank you for keeping her calm, but you really don’t have to stay. I’m sure your husband is waiting for you.”

You put your head down, trying to hold back the tears. Taking a deep breath, “No, he’s not. I really would like to stay if you’re okay with it.” “Yes, that would be great. Jess really wants you to stay.” “Okay, let me help you cook then.” “Oh no ma’am, you are our guest.”

You smiled “Please, it’s the least I can do.” “I’m not going to win this argument, am I?” “Nope, you’re not.” You laughed. “Okay, fine.” He chuckled.

Thirty minutes later you and Jensen were calling the kids in to wash up for dinner. Dinner was delicious and after dinner Jensen pulled out the ice cream. Jessica was excited, because they didn’t get ice cream often. “My wife would kill me if she knew I was giving them ice cream. They tend to get a little wild.” You both laughed.

After ice cream, the kids went to the living room to watch tv while you helped Jensen clean up the kitchen. His phone rang as you two were cleaning. He sighed before he answered and walked out of the room.

You kept cleaning and a few minutes later he came back in. “Sorry about that. It was my wife. She wanted to talk to the kids.” “Oh it’s not a problem. That’s sweet she calls when she’s away.” “Yeah, it is.” His jaw tightened a bit.

The two of you reached for a bowl at the same time and your hands brushed against each other. A chill went through your body. You two looked at each other and you bit your lip, he swallowed hard.

“Sorry,” you said as you pulled your hand back. “It’s okay.” Jensen cleared his throat, “Well it’s getting late. I’m sure your husband is worried about you.” You took a deep breath, “No, we um, actually split up a little over 3 months ago.” Jensen placed his hand on yours, “I’m so sorry, Y/N. That has to be hard.” “Yeah, it has been. Things just got really bad, so I left. I’ve been living with my best friend and her husband since.”

“Well, if it gets too crazy there we have a guesthouse you’re welcome to stay in. I know the kids would love to have you around more.” You smiled, “That’s a generous offer, but I think I’m okay where I am right now. Besides, that’s a decision I think your wife should be included in.” “I understand, the offer stands though. She’d be fine with it. She’s always willing to help people.” “Thank you, I appreciate that. I’ll keep it in mind.”

About an hour later the kids were in bed and you were getting ready to head home. “Well, thank you for dinner and a wonderful evening. I will see you on Monday.” Jensen stood to walk you to the door. His hand brushed lightly on the small of your back and a shiver went through you. “Good night, Jensen. Thank you again for dinner and the conversation.” “Good night, Y/N, and you’re welcome.” Jensen reached out and pulled you into a hug. You took a deep breath and breathed him in. God he smelt amazing, and he was so warm.

When you two pulled away he lightly ran his thumb over your cheek. You instinctively leaned into his touch. Your breath hitched, “I should go.” You whispered. “Yeah, you probably should.”

Jensen stepped closer, you bit your lip. His thumb ran over your chin, pulling your lip out of your teeth. Your breathing grew more rapid and your heart beat wildly. His lips were inches from yours, your breath mingling with his. He licked his lips and leaned even closer. You felt his lips ghosting over yours. “Jensen..” “Tell me to stop and I’ll stop.” You looked at him, your voice caught in your throat. “Y/N, do you want me to stop?” “No,” was all you said.

Jensen’s lips crashed into yours. Soft but forceful and full of passion and need. Your mind swirling, your heart pounding as his tongue licked your lips asking for entrance. You parted your swollen lips and his tongue took dominance in your mouth. Jensen’s hands went into your hair and pulled you closer to him. Your hands wrapped around his neck.

The kiss seemed to last for hours, the need for air causing your lungs to scream for oxygen, but in that moment Jensen was the only thing you needed to live. When the need for air became too much, you both pulled away, panting with swollen lips.

You were blushing and Jensen was smiling. “I’ve been dying to do that for a really long time.” You smiled and bit your lip. His hand brushing against your cheek, “So beautiful”. You took a deep breath, “Good night Jensen.” He placed a soft peck on your lips before you walked out of the house.

Driving home all you could think of was the kiss. You’d dreamed of kissing him for years, but he’s married. What did the kiss mean to him, to your job? Would he want to do it again, would you? Your mind was racing with thoughts of the kiss and how you could still feel his lips on yours. The sound of your phone pulling you out of your head.

Jensen: So I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I swear I didn’t plan that.

You: You didn’t make me uncomfortable. I liked it. Honestly, a little too much.

Jensen: I liked it too. I’d like to do it again if you want.

You: I like that more than you know, but you’re married and my boss. I’m not sure it’s a great idea.

What the hell are you doing!? Jensen Ackles is telling you he wants to kiss you again and you’re shooting him down. Ugh!

Jensen: I understand. Please don’t think this changes anything or affects your job. It doesn’t. You’re amazing with my kids and I wouldn’t want to mess that up.

You: Thank you. I appreciate you saying that. Good night, and I’ll see you Monday.

Jensen: Good night, Y/N. Sweet dreams and see you Monday.

As you crawled into bed that night all you could think about was the kiss and how wonderful his hands felt on you. A small pang of guilt crept into your head when you thought about his wife. You still couldn’t believe you told him you didn’t think kissing him again would be a good idea. His lips were so soft and damn was he a good kisser.

Could you really still work for him after this, or would the pull to kiss him become too much?

Tags are open, let me know if you want to be tagged.

Tags:

@nescaveckwriter @kr804573

@k-slla @jackles010378

@jawritter @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx

@roseblue373 @cheynovak

@jassackles @chriszgirl92

@suckitands33 @arcannaa

@n-o-p-e-never @ladysparkles78

@smoothdogsgirl @hobby27

@manicjk @stoneyggirl2

@deans-spinster-witch @snowayumi

@shadowqueen1318 @shanimallina87

@muhahaha303 @fitxgrld

@nancymcl @baby19sthings

@cheekygirl2309 @oceean

@kindollss @deana1245

@mostlymarvelgirl @i-love-ptv

@iwouldfightforfrenchie @spxideyver

@peachhiz

#hes gorgeous #so damn sexy #jensen ackles #jackles #jensen ackles x plus size reader #jensen ackles smut #jensen ackles x reader

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elysiansparadise · 1 year ago

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Hi Elysian ! ✨

First I wanted to tell you that I really love your posts 💖

I have seen that you have your ask open and you haven't post about Neptune in the 2th house so can you please describe Neptune in the 2th ?

I have this placement and wanted to know more about it.

Thanks a lot/ Merci beaucoup ✨

Kiss from France 💖

Hello love, thanks for loving my posts. Of course I can describe this beautiful placement. A kiss right back at you. 💖

Neptune in the 2nd house

These people may not place as much importance on money, they feel that the money a person may have does not define their value and quality as a person. They care about money just enough and necessary to know that it is crucial to have a decent life in which they do not lack anything, but they consider that there are things more important or of greater value than this. They stand out for their generosity and altruism, being people who can seek to help those most in need or provide support to those who do not have enough money. They can really enjoy buying details for others without worrying much about the price. Since this is the house of values, the presence of Neptune here indicates that they place a lot of emphasis on their spiritual world, keeping in mind values such as devotion, tolerance and empathy. You can spend a lot of time investing in your spiritual growth or expanding your knowledge in these areas. They are likely to pay for services such as aura cleansing, tarot readings or other things related to esoteric topics. Likewise, they can enjoy buying things related to art, paintings, notebooks or things that help them develop their creativity in some way, such as instruments.

This is a house linked to self-esteem, so it is likely that these natives are very humble and even shy people when it comes to receiving compliments, not knowing exactly how to take them. These people dream big with the idea of having everything they once lacked, and not only in the material field, but also emotionally, especially that feeling of stability that they may not have had when they were young. These people should be cautious when lending money, because even if their intentions are good, they may more frequently encounter people along the way who will not pay them on time or who do not pay them at all. This house reflects everything we acquire since we were born, so it can represent those talents that we have since we were young. Many people with this placement may have artistic talents, such as painting, singing, music or some other branches of art. Likewise, it can tell us about spiritual gifts of any kind. It is likely that these people can use their talents as a way to generate or invest their money.

One of the things that these natives should be careful about is their disorganization, it is crucial that they be very organized, because they have a tendency to forget where they leave things, if Neptune is making multiple tense aspects [especially with 2nd house ruler or Venus], they can even forget bank passwords or they can even lose documents related to estate. They have a rich inner world, feeling very disconnected from the things or people around them, they may feel that they do not give importance to things that others usually do. They highly value the human quality behind things, they do not like to buy items or things that, for example, are experimented on animals or that affect or damage the environment. Another thing they value a lot is inner wealth, both their own and with others, as I mentioned previously, they give value to things that others hardly put emphasis on.

#astrology #natal chart #birth chart #2nd house #neptune #neptune in the 2nd house #neptune in the 2nd #neptune in the 2h #2h neptune #astro note #astrology observation

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octuscle · 10 months ago

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I went through art school for 6 years and didn't try weed once! Can I get a college stoner preset please to make up for that lost experience.

Art academy? Six years? Without smoking pot? Man, that's more than impressive! I mean, I studied economics… It was difficult to get by without weed…

In art history you discuss Bunuel's Andalusian Dog. Pretty heavy fare. Shit, Dali and Bunuel must have been smoking a lot when they made it. And a fellow student says that you can only endure the movie if you're totally stoned. He asks you if you have anything there. Without giving it much thought, you reach into the inside pocket of your jacket and hand him a small packet of Black Afghan. He discreetly hands you a few bills. And then you turn back to the cinematic realization of the collage principle. Only after a few minutes do you realize what you've just done.

You know in which corner of the campus the stoners meet. Everyone knows. Everyone tolerates it. You've never been there before. But somehow you're drawn there now. And while there are supplies for your customers in your inside pocket, you have a few finished joints in the battered tin in the outside pocket of your old army parker. Shit, weren't you wearing a plain black short coat? Where did that fucked up old olive green thing come from?

You light a joint. You don't care where the parker comes from. You don't give a shit. You couldn't care less with the best will in the world. That feels good. And above all, it gave you a whole range of really good ideas. You are damn creative in the studio today. You are developing a somewhat strange style that is rather unusual for you. But your professor praises you for freeing yourself from your usual technocratic uptightness. A good description of how you feel now.

At some point, when you can take no more and look at the result of today's creative process with satisfaction, you run your fingers through your hair, smeared with paint. Long hair… And you have a beard! Well, you've grown it over the last few years. How many years have you been studying? For ages! You're a fixture on campus… You're here for artistic self-improvement. You're here to provide students and faculty with all kinds of mind-expanding substances. And as long as your parents' money lasts, you'll stay here.

Yes, your flat share is a bit filthy. But you're like the creative center of the art school campus. A bit like the salons of the bohemians in 19th century Paris. Combined with a coffee shop in contemporary Amsterdam. You think that's a cool combination. Enjoy it!

#male tf #reality change #chronivac #tank top #ai image #stoner tf

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weebsinstash · 4 months ago

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Do you think Vox can make his fingers/dick vibrate? 🤔 And if he can switch out body parts, can he exchange his dick for different models? I feel like if he can do the latter, he's insecure enough to give himself a monster cock 😂

Oh no so it's like, absolutely canon. I don't care if the Instagram accounts aren't deemed official canon anymore because there are definitely certain aspects which are absolutely still in character or could be used as a reference and there was a post exactly about this subject

One of the old Valentino Twitter posts was something about how Vox had smashed Val's TV in a rage and had bought him a new one to replace it, and Valentino commented several things along the lines of "compensating much?" (it was a large tv) and "good thing it doesn't vibrate or I would have a new boyfriend 🤭" outright confirming Vox can vibrate

Pair that with Viv commenting that Vox tops Val because he is LITERALLY TOO INSECURE TO BOTTOM and I think it's basically guaranteed that Vox has stuff he does to his dick in terms of either making it bigger or idk maybe he was spare parts he swaps out. We don't really know the full potential of his body, or even if we are overassuming what he can do. Perhaps just because he modernized his head does not actually mean he can customize his entire body, however I think the ability to do so would fit the narrative of his character: a narcissistic showman personality who craves the limelight and attention and yearns to be seen and adored and staying relevant to the point he loses his own personal identity and even his physical body in pursuit of constantly innovating to try and keep views and keep expanding and making more and more money.

It really depends on his reasons for what he does. Is the money just a bonus, and it's more about the recognition, or is it a combination of several things? Is Vox mostly just insecure, or is he genuinely on that Capital At All Costs grindset?

Either way it's basically guaranteed that this man gave himself a dick upgrade and you cannot convince me of anything else. Seeing people's ideas for what his junk looks like is also fun too. Someone contact the specific subset of the Transformers fandom where it was a trend to design what their hypothetical disks would look like and people were putting neon strip lights along the glans and shit, have some of them get in on this.

You think Vox has like, a drawer or a cabinet full of dicks. Would he collect/commission dicks of different styles until he has like a collection, like he's got a miniature bad dragon marketplace in his closet. Obviously we can have our "calculated CEO menace" stories but we could, in theory, also have "this guy is actually kind of a little freak and develops an unhealthy obsession with trying to see how well you could take all his favorite 'attachments'".

Also just a special shout out to the artists who give him little like, feet pawsies, or shark features like a dorsal fin or sometimes a tail because 😭❤️ idk it's just cute that's it post over now

#hh

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amyfarbright · 4 months ago

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Sonic 1 Mega CD Port

(download here)

(if you think this is cool, consider helping me find work/money <3)

Welcome to the Next Level!

NOTE: I'm aware of issues regarding audio playback and transitioning between zones, and intend to push an update once the contest judging period is over. In the meantime, you can use level select (Up Down Left Right A + Start at title screen) to explore the game.

At the 1992 Consumer Electronics Show, a teaser for a Mega CD version of Sonic 1 was shown within a sizzle reel. No Mega CD version of Sonic 1 was ever produced, and this footage is almost everything we know about this project, but it's extremely likely that this idea is what morphed into the separate game Sonic CD, the only Sonic game officially released for the console.

In 2006, Stealth released the Sonic for MegaCD tech demo, marking the first time any substantial effort was made to bring another Sonic game to the console. It contained the title screens and first levels of Sonic 1 and 2, with three playable characters. In the following years, he would build on the ideas in that demo further, eventually reaching a point where his setup accommodated a Mega CD version of a rom hack called Sonic Megamix.

For a long time, this rom hack was the only way to experience Sonic 1's levels, and was the closest you could get to playing the original game on your Mega CD...

until now.

This is a port of the original Sonic the Hedgehog (revision 1, mostly) to the Sega Mega CD (running in Mode 2/off a CD). Not a mere one-zone demo, not affected by an original hack's mechanics, this is a full playable Sonic game running on the Mega CD, with the source fully available, and with the intent of enhancing the game with the extra hardware.

I started this project about a month and a half ago to enter into the annual Sonic Hacking Contest. This was done as both a learning experience for myself to learn new hardware (I was already familiar with programming for Mega Drive, but wanted to explore its addons), and as an example others can learn from.

This has been tested with BlastEm, Fusion, Gens, and on real hardware using a Mega Everdrive Pro.

Features:

Expanded Sound.

The Mega CD comes with a chip supporting PCM playback for up to 8 channels, complementing the 10 sound channels already in the Mega Drive. This port leverages that by moving playback of drum samples to a custom PCM sound driver running on the Mega CD CPU.

Because drums no longer need to play on the Mega Drive hardware, an extra sound channel was added in the main sound driver to allow for more sound effects to play without cutting out channels of the music.

Unfortunately, I was not able to get CD audio playback fully implemented in time for the initial release. Most of the pieces are there though, and I intend to add it in a future update.

An open-source Mega CD game. The scene for Mega CD has grown significantly over time, and over the years there has been new homebrew and hacks of other games, but not nearly as much done with the blue guy this contest is about. This port aims to change that; this is a full game running on Mega CD, with source code and development history available for browsing right now. Code for the kernel programs to load and run the game from disk is written in mostly C using the megadev toolchain. Rom hackers and developers more familiar with the Mega Drive standalone can use the code repository as an example of how to bring more full-fledged MD projects over to Mega CD with as few changes as possible.

Other features:

Custom loading screen while files are loaded from CD

Modified title screen, to remind you that this is indeed utilizing Mega CD hardware

Various bugfixes applied (for those familiar with Sonic Retro's Sonic 1 disassembly, FixBugs is turned on)

Much smoother special stage. The movement of objects making up the maze was unlocked, and the walls now display with 128 degrees of rotation (up from 16).

Even though I started this project to have something for the contest, I'm incredibly happy with what's been done so far, and I intend to work on it further after the contest to add more features. I consider this the beginning of a goodbright future for Sonic games and hacks on Mega CD.

Note: Debug mode and sound test have not been fixed to accommodate for the code that has been moved around. Try at your own risk!

Credits

Main developer: Amy Farbright

Playtesting and bug reporting: The Let's Talk About Sonic Discord

Special thanks: @fiffle, @milly, @crepe

Code used/referenced:

drojaazu's megadev toolchain

Devon's partial Sonic CD disassembly

SCHG How-to Guide

tversteeg's Rust implementation of rotsprite

Graphics used:

CD graphic on title screen: Sega Multimedia Studio, converted from sprites ripped by Mister Man

#sonic the hedgehog #rom hack #gamedev #homebrew #sega cd #sega mega cd

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savebylou · 7 months ago

Text

Recap Simon Cowell's new interview about 1D.

Hi everyone so I decided to do a combination of recap/transcription of what Simon said about One Direction on The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett.

TLDR: His only regret was to not own the name of One Direction to make things like animations or make them tour without all the members, according to him there hasn't been a great group after 1D. He advice to the 1D boys was to be themselves, to be involved in their music, to not get a stylist, to not dance etc. He said that in his new show the group that is form will not get a record deal they have to be good enough to get one after the show and part of the new deal will be that he owns the name.

If you want to see the videos are in this post. Below I have the recap for anyone who wants a more detail info of what he said without the need to watch Simon's face, I still link the videos for each part.

So the poodcast is 2hrs and 14 min long. They basically talk about Simon and how he got were he was, his family, son etc. The last 30 min aprox is what I would expand more, whoever I want to point out two aspects that stand out for me in the history of him:

He doesn't know the process to make a record, he never goes to a studio and see the process, doesn,'t know what is first etc. He says he doesn't want to and he doesn't want to pretend to know anything, he just wants to listen to the album after and form an opinion.

He wanted a producer Peter Waterman to make a record for his artist ( Sinitta who previously Simon have a hit with her the first time) this producer got very famous and have a lot of work so he didn't accept to work with Simon. So Simon went to the studio every day and make tea and sit in the studio, after a year and a half Pete ask him why is he always there and Simon said he was trying to learn how he does it, how he works (to me sounded kind of stalker vibes) and said that he wants that one day he writes Sinitta next record. A few months later the producer at the end call him with a record for his artist and was Toy Boy and he knew it would be a hit internationally, it hit no. 4 in the UK and was famous in Europe.

1D creation, paparazzi & privacy.

For Simon it was quite obvious once the boys were form they were gonna be really successful with the right records, for him they were the perfect group. I: "I think the most successful artist you've ever develop? S: "Gosh ah, I actually I don't know the answer to that". I: Really? S: No, I mean I know they were really successful they sold a lot of records...[whispers] and they made a lot of money.

He adviced them to not complain about paparazzis: "Don't ever complaint about paparazzi because they are gonna take your pictures, don't complaint about invasion of privacy because people were always want to a picture taken with you. Don't complain about the long hours because they're going to be long hours, so none of this if any of this is a problem just do something else". That is what it comes with the territory and it's worth it.

Not a good group after 1D & his show.

For Simon being in a band is more fun that being a solo artist and it's a brilliant way to get notice like they've all become, being in a band was the catalyst for that.

He is making a new show because right now for him" I don't think a band who has been as good as One Direction since One Direction in my opinion'. Now they are more solo artist than bands in the pop music and the only way he knows to put a band together is with auditions. For his show they are gonna document the whole process since the beginning of the idea, the selection the contestants etc. "There is not safety blanket on this in terms of I haven't gone to a record label and go and said right I'm doing this would it you guarantee a record deal, l got to hope the band are good enough to get a record deal."

Secret sauce of 1D, problem of making bands and his "advice" to 1D The interview ask him what is the secret souce for boybands. Simon says people, personality, that is the one thing about 1D they all have great personalities and they were interesting people. The first time he saw them again after the band was form was in Spain and they were walking at the beach and everyone were looking at them as they were already stars even if nobody knew them, there was this glow about them.

He had hits with bands and missing with bands he was 1% off or 80% off. He just gotta hope he gets lucky and find the right people. He is selling an act to somebody he is not, the fans are going to be primarly teenegers, he have to guess what the audience is going to like. Recently when he sees bands for for the minute they are on stage he knows is wrong, someone told him what to wear, they are rehearsed, nothing is spontaneous "and I'm thinking what is that person whoever is behind the scenes, why can't let them just be themselves?"🙄.

He said to the 1D boys: "Do whay you like and that was sort of it, I just said look when you got a problem you come to me. Is really down to you to make this work. You gotta love the records you make, you gotta influence the records you make, you can't dance so don't try and dance, don't ever hire a stylist because you already have great taste, and just be yourselves and really really have fun."

Harry's success & famous UK artists.

Would he predicted his success? He never guess he was going to be one of the biggest stars in the world, no one would have thought that. He thought Harry was charismatic, fun and the audience like him. The boys use that vehicle of 1D to go where they wanted to go, he doesn't know if Harry will be Harry without 1D no one could tell that, but being in a band help him.

This make him thought that "the amount of UK artists that broken globally in the last say 7 years has fallen off a cliff, literally if you think about how many global artist British had broken globally in the last 7 years is possible 3? Which is crazy.

I: I can' think of 3. S: [says with his lips "nor can I] [Both laugh].

Only regret, tour & new deal with new group

"Again when I was talking to One Direction I remember saying to them our goal is for to you to have enough hits that if you ever reform that you could do stadiums tours. That means you gotta have 10 hit singles because that's what people wanna hear, they want to hear the hits, and you know if they ever did reform that's exactly what would happened". He doubts that the 1D boys will get back together.

The interviewer mentions that Spice Girls got together many years later, then Simon talks about his only regret , without anyone asking him about this by the way [For a fragment of the next part I will use the color purple for Simon dialogue and color green for the interviewer dialogue]:

S: "The one thing I regret is I should have keep the name" I: "Oh you should have owned the name?"S: I should have owned the name. I: You didn't own the name? S: No. I: Who owns the name? S: They do. I: Oh okay. S: That's the problem I could have made an animation or whatever, but when you give an artist the name it's not yours and that's my ONLY regret, so if your listening [looks at the camera] I will buy it back from you. We'll do it as a partnership [points to interviewer with both hands] -S: "But that is the ONLY thing I do regret because if one of the band members for whatever reason said they don't want do tour it can stop the others touring so if it was me who own the name it wouldn't be a problem." -I: You can do a tour with 3 of them. As so that's was stopping a tour, because they what..did they own 25%, 20%? -S: "I believe so, yes, I mean I can be very naive at times and that was me being very very naive, so next time that will be part of the deal, I have to own the name, they can still make most of the money but I need to own the name."

Thanks to @wendersfive to help me figure it out what Simon mumble.

Before ending this just wanted to share that besides the many times Simon has try to make groups in his shows, he already made this idea of a show dedicated to create a band. Is not something new.

The transcription I did it with only what I heard and seeing the subtitles on youtube so sorry for anything I could miss or a gramatical mistake.

#simon cowell #one direction #harry styles #louis tomlinson #niall horan #zayn malik #liam payne #the diary of a ceo with steven bartlett #the x factor #music industry #the boys theserves so much better #the man is delusional taking credit for things the band fight for they have to fight for being songwriters

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applepiesupreme · 8 days ago

Text

American Apple Pie

Pairing: Low/Mid Honor Arthur Morgan and female OC.

Rating: Explicit

Summary: Savigne Ricci is a temporary guest at the Van der Linde camp. Her path crosses with the enforcer of the gang, Arthur Morgan, and despite their differences, a relationship develops between them. Whole lot of smut and fluff, slow burn-ish.

Chapter 47

AO3 link:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/54945853/chapters/158135713

Things were going really well. She was eating breakfast, working less and everything else Polleux recommended. Then she had one bad day, there was some pain, some blood, and an emergency visit to the doctor.

Polleux assured a pale Savigne that the baby was fine. But then he proceeded to say that some women could plow fields, walk off to the side and drop a baby and go on with their day, and some women…well…couldn’t. And she was the latter. She didn’t take the news well and tried to explain how she was doing everything she was told but all Polleux did, in his usual no nonsense fashion, was to turn to Arthur who stood there grim faced and silent like a stone statue, and address only him for the rest of the conversation.

“The baby is not underdeveloped anymore. Well done on that front. But she needs more rest,” he said coolly.

“Yes, sir.” was the cowboy’s dry answer.

That’s when everything went to shit.

Next thing she knew, she didn’t have a job. Luther and Arthur made sure of that. Even her tears didn’t assuage their resolve. She begged and pleaded for at least one shift or two per week, but, just like Polleux, Luther didn’t even acknowledge her, just turned and gave Arthur a hard stare as if to say ‘do what’s necessary’, so Arthur just gently grabbed her arm and dragged her out of the steakhouse and that was that.

Savigne had worked all her life. Three days after she had aged out of the orphanage she had found her first job and she hadn’t stopped since. She had scrubbed floors and washed dishes until her skin bled and peeled mountains of potatoes and eaten the leftovers of diners before she had become a cook. The idea of not working for months, of not making money, of entirely depending on others terrified her because she was hardwired to think that not working meant not eating. She felt more vulnerable than ever in her current state and panicked over the prospect of not standing on her own feet.

“I ain’t other people,” Arthur growled when she tried to explain the reason for her distress. He was visibly shaken by the events and annoyed at her resistance. “‘M yer husband. Ya sayin’ you married a man ya don’ trust, Savigne?”

“Of course not! But-”

“It’s temporary,” he interrupted, growing irritated. “Ya don’ have to like it, but ya heard Polio. He say if you don’ listen, ain’t just the kid yer riskin’, it’s yer own life.” The blue eyes that flicked at her were so hard, she was stunned into speechlessness. “Might be you don’ care ‘bout that bit, but believe me when I say, I do.”

He looked so angry (or worried - it was hard to tell with Arthur), she swallowed her arguments and decided to let his ire pass before she tried again. In her secret heart she thought all manner of dark things. Like What if he strays? What if he gets desperate and reverts to his old ways to make money and it blows up in his face? What if he tries to rob someone, gets recognized and is hunted down and hanged?. This led to more obscure fears like What if none of that happens but he slips and hits his head and dies? Snakebite? Bear attack? Terminal sickness? Her mind churned with the possibilities. For most women that would mean falling back on family. However for her, an orphan with a baby, it meant disaster.

Things only got worse from there. Because now the man who she had likened to water that sprawled and expanded in whatever room she allowed him, became a raging river and tore down all her barricades.

Even though Polleux had stopped short of strict bed rest, had underlined that she didn’t need to go that far, these nuances were lost on a man like Arthur.

First she was banned from carrying buckets from the well. Fine, that wasn’t anything she was going to miss. Secretly she celebrated that as restrictions went, that wasn’t so bad and she had gotten a mere slap on the wrist.

But then soon after, he told her that running around in the farmers market was too exhausting, that from now on he was going to do the shopping and she should just make a list. This had stung as Savigne really liked going to the market and chatting with the different sellers and touching and smelling and tasting the wares.

Then he said he would do the cleaning and soon he said she shouldn’t be cooking either - too much time on her feet - and she should also just tell him what books she wants from the library because it had a million steps and tilling her little garden was out of the question, it was winter anyway, and so on and so forth until she felt like a fish that was frantically swimming in a puddle of water that was progressively getting smaller.

She tried to fight him, but his anger and determination were enormous and impossible to scale, and even when she changed tactics and tried coaxing and pleading, it fell on deaf ears. She lost battle after battle and the more she lost, the more discouraged she became to try. So she did nothing all day and the less she did, the more she was exhausted and the less she wanted to do.

She missed getting up with a purpose and interacting with other people and feeling a sense of fullfilment when she took her double caps off at the end of the day. She became sad and cried (never when he was around because she didn’t want to listen to his endless yapping) because she felt like she was slowly being erased out of existence. She felt like her happiness only mattered as far as it benefited the baby. Her ambitions were unimportant if they didn’t serve the baby. Her worries needed to be discarded because it might hurt the baby. She felt like a carbon trace of herself and the next day, a carbon trace of that carbon trace and so on until Savigne Ricci was reduced to a bunch of squiggly random lines that didn’t even constitute a shape. The person who was, was no more and nobody cared because all that mattered now was the baby.

Polleux had told her that she should still walk about and exercise to remain healhty, but she lost her motivation to do that, became sullen and petty and withdrew to her bed and started to sleep longer and longer and only got up to eat or to use the bathroom (soon that too was banned and she was told to use the chamber pot), and she lost the will to read because what was the point of reading about places she would never go to or food she would never cook or things she could never experience? Then it was the beginning of December and she realized she had barely left the bed in three days, so she resigned and stayed until it was a week and longer still, until she didn’t even count anymore and the days became just the presence and absence of light.

There were days, shameful, unthinkable days when she found herself hating him for putting this baby inside her, hating herself for being dumb, hating Sister Rodriguez for being a liar, hating Luther for getting her fired, hating, hating, hating. At some point he sensed her drift off like a boat that had decoupled from its anchor and tried to swim to catch up, but she bristled with resentment and wouldn’t let him and embarked on a journey of solitude where all his playful jabbing, his gentle coaxing, his persistent nagging - none of it worked. She hardened a pupa around herself and shut him out and breathed her own rancor and fed on her own misery. On this still lake, she pondered on the grimness of life, on those short few years between the orphanage and pregnancy, on the loss of her dreams and aspirations.

One of those shapeless, blurry days when she was lying in bed and facing the cabin wall, trying to will time to go faster but also grappling with the depressing idea that maybe nothing would change if the baby was out of her, that her imprisonment would just continue in a different form, he entered the cabin with a gust of cold air as companion and said “Hey.”

“Hey,” she said from under her heap of covers.

She heard Arthur take off his jacket and hat, hang them up and come over. He carefully sat on the bed and dug around until he found her back.

“Ya cold?”

“No.”

He pushed the covers aside, leaned over and kissed her cheek. “Feelin’ okay?”

She nodded.

His hand, cool from the outside, glided over her big bump. “And the grub?”

“Fine.”

He caressed her belly for a while and watched her profile, then whispered “Ain’t too much longer now,” as if in consolation. “Few months. Maybe less.”

“Yeah,” she mumbled.

“Ya got up today?” he said after he kicked his boots off and stretched to lie down behind her.

“No.”

“Why darlin’?” was the careful question.

The nerve, she thought, her mood growing dimmer still. If I get up you’ll just chase me back to bed. His lack of self introspection was appaling. She shrugged. “What for?”

His palm drew circles on her bump as he kissed the back of her neck. “Fresh air? You wanna go for a walk?”

“No.”

He looked at the book lying on the bed. “Read this yet?”

“A little.”

She felt him pause when he found the bookmark on the second page. Savigne was a voracious reader and he had checked this out from the library for her weeks ago.

“It’s about the desert,” he said, casually flipping through the pages. “Figured if ya like what you read, maybe we can go sometime.”

All she heard was lies. A carrot dangled to keep her stupidly hopeful. With men like Luther and Arthur and Polleux around her, there was no desert for her. There was nothing but motherhood, now and forever. “Probably not going to happen,” was her late mumble.

He placed the book on the floor as he peeled back the covers to find her face. He kissed her cheek again.

“Why?”

“I’m not exactly in traveling shape.”

“I meant after,” he chuckled.

“After, there’ll be a baby.” How stupid did they think she was? This prison sentence was not going to end with birth. That was just the kind of nonsense they told you to keep you blissfully ignorant of the disappointments that were waiting for you.

“So? Those grow up, no?”

“Yeah. Takes years.”

He stilled again and she knew he worried but she also couldn’t make herself care. He worried all the time, enough for the both of them and every time he worried, the puddle shrank.

“‘M sure people travel with babies. Jack traveled with us since day one.”

“I’m sure I won’t be allowed,” was her bitter retort.

“Allowed? By who?”

She shrugged again. “Some doctor. You. Whoever. Someone.”

His palm over her stomach paused. “Polio recommend the rest for yer own good, Savigne.”

“I know,” she sighed.

“So that’s over when the grub comes.”

“Then it will be for recovery.”

“Okay,” he said carefully, getting back on an elbow to look down at her. “That temporary, too.”

Sure, she thought. Life is temporary after all. I’ll get probation when I’m old and bent. “It’s okay. No big deal.”

“What ain’t?”

“That I’ll never see the desert. Most people don’t.”

He nudged her to lie on her back and she did as he adjusted the covers over her. “Savigne, life don’ end when a kid comes.”

She frowned at the ceiling as he wiped the hair off her flushed face. “Yeah. I think it kind of ends before that.”

He gave a frustrated exhale and grabbed her chin to turn her face to lock eyes with her. “Woman…no. It’s a new beginning. Not end.”

“For you.”

“The hell that mean?”

A long moment passed. The paragraphs of explanations in her head were exhausting to think about, let alone say. “It’s the entire point of my existence now,” she said at last.

“The grub?” he scoffed in an effort to make light of the matter. “What ‘bout me?”

“Yeah,” she huffed, thanks for reminding me of my other purpose in life. She shuffled to lie on her side again, turning her back to him. “And that.”

“Was jokin’,” he muttered, taken aback.

There was a long bout of silence. “Savigne, talk to me. You haven’t talked to me in weeks. I can’t read what’s in yer head.”

She didn’t really want to, but he lied there perched up a good while so she spoke just to make him go away: “What did you do today?”

“Fixed the cart. Hunted rabbit. Bought hay for the horses…”

“Sounds nice.”

She didn’t engage further so he pushed “You?”

“Just lied here and made more baby.”

He ruminated, seemingly unsure how to navigate that. “Kinda more important than all I did,” he tried.

“Sure,” was her listless response.

He brushed fingers through her hair. “Ya wanna dress up and come sit outside? I can make us tea.”

“No. I’m just going to sleep.”

He looked down at her profile, a silent ball of anxiety. She was actually surprised when, by some miracle, he suddenly asked “You wanna go to the market tomorrow?”

Normally she would jump at this offer, she loved going to the market. But she hated appeasement because appeasement meant he didn’t understand or accept her point of view, he was just making a one time offer to cheer her up. Like candy for a child.

“No.”

“Why?”

“Was told I shouldn’t.”

“You had an…,” was his frustrated huff. “Was tryin’ to-”

“Yes, I’m the first woman who ever had an incident. Must be my fault.”

“Listen here, I ain’t never said that.”

“But you’re punishing me for it.”

She felt him flinch behind her. “The hell ya sayin’?”

“I don’t want to argue,” was her listless response.

He perched above her a while longer in decision, then said “Okay,”, kissed her cheek again and got off the bed.

He put his boots, jacket and hat back on and took the chamber pot to empty it on his way out. Then he walked to John’s tent.

“Where’s everyone?” he asked Abigail who was mending a shirt.

“They rode to sell pelts, should be back soon.” He nodded and shifted on his feet, adjusting his gloves. “Savigne okay?”

He grimaced. “Don’ think so.”

“Why?”

“Don’ wanna get up. Or do nothin’. Talks weird.”

“Weird how?” Abigail said, pausing her stitching.

“Like…her life is over or some shit,” he said, rolling his shoulders.

Abigail gave him a long look. “In a way, it is, ain’t it?” she said carefully.

“No?” he huffed. “After the baby-”

“She gonna be in bed for weeks. Then she be feedin’ it every few hours. Then she gonna run after it a few years…Then…well that’s where ‘m now, so don’ know the rest.”

“Ain’t gotta be like that,” he mumbled.

“You told her she shouldn’t work,” Abigail drawled. “Or cook. Or do stuff around the cabin.”

“Doctor asked,” he said defensively. “Was tryin’ to help. This ain’t easy on her. She could…” he trailed, unwilling to say it.

“Don’ care what yer fancy doctor said. Told ya but ya wouldn’t listen. You stuffed her in there, ya can’t be upset if she stays there now.”

He clenched his jaw and looked away. “Told her ain’t forever.”

“Maybe she ain’t believin’ you. Maybe she think you gonna keep askin’.”

“Why would I ask if she was fine?” he said, exasperated.

“Yer doin’ too much. I get it, yer tryin’ to do it right…” she didn’t say it, but Arthur heard the ‘this time’ all the same, “…but she a person, too.”

“The hell that mean?”

Abigail took a deep breath and continued her stitching. “Me? ‘M happy bein’ a mom. Happy to be here, livin’ the simple life. Savigne wants more than bein’ a wife or mother.”

“That’s fine,” he leaned against the wagon. “I ain’t tryin’ to choke that outta her.”

“But y’are. Or she thinks baby will. She like a show horse hitched to a wagon to pull, feels all she good for now. Folks call that depressed.”

Arthur thought on that for a while. “She big. Worry that labor ain’t good for the baby.”

“This clearly ain’t good for her,” Abigail said pointedly. “And that mean it ain’t good for the baby, too.”

He bounced off the wagon, bid her goodnight and walked back to the cabin, picking up the chamber pot before he entered.

He sat by the fire for a while and had a cup of tea, watched the heap of covers on the bed. He remembered her excitement when they went treasure hunting and it was like she had been a different person. All that was gone. Was Abigail right, had he killed it? Had he chocked the spirit out of her? He grappled with the notion for a long while, drinking his tea and feeling an overwhelming sense of dread because this was supposed to be a happy time for them - mere weeks into their marriage and a child on the way - but she was miserable already, and as a consequence, so was he.

Next day he entered the cabin late afternoon and she was in bed again.

“Hey,” he said, taking off his coat and hat.

“Hey,” came from the pile of covers.

He sighed, feeling stupid for being disappointed and idled around for a bit, not sure how to pull her out of this quicksand she had sunk into.

“Was thinkin’…what happened to that third map?”

There was a pause. “The treasure map?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s on the bookshelf. In my parents’ book.”

He went and retrieved 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, found the third map, unfolded it and brought it to the bed. “Ya find where this is?”

“Didn’t look.”

“Why?”

There was a rustling that indicated a shrug. “That second trip scared me I guess.”

“Sure could use that gold right now,” he teased.

Her dismissive “There is no gold,” stuttered his heart and wiped the grin off his face.

He knew of course that she was upset about the restrictions but he had thought she would get used to it in time, that she might even be pleased about it. All she had to do was rest and not worry, how was that hard? Instead, she was sad and withdrawn and for the first time he felt a sense of panic. Of course I fucked up everything again, he thought. I always fucking do. All I had to do was take good care of her and instead I broke her.

He sat on the edge and peeled the covers off. This time she was facing him. He leaned down and kissed her gently. “Savigne, you gonna get up?”

“I got up earlier, cleaned up, changed gowns, now I’m back to bed.”

“I mean come outside? Ya turnin’ into a bat in here.” Her broken smile didn’t elevate his mood; in fact, it intensified his trepidations. “Please come outside with me.”

“It’s cold outside.”

“That why we got coats.”

“What are we going to do? Waddle about and come back?”

“Please,” he insisted. In his desperation he told her what he had initially decided he wouldn’t: “Think Cricket misses you.” That gave her pause. “He ain’t eatin’ well.”

He had thought the horse would snap out of it - what animal starved itself? He gave it extra grooming and gentle exercise but the damn horse was as stubborn as his owner and wouldn’t even take the offered apple, just stared at him with those judgy dark eyes day after day.

“Really?” she whispered, face dropping.

“He fine,” he said quickly. “Just…misses you I think. Ain’t seen you in weeks now.”

She thought on this for a long moment before she finally whispered “Okay”.

He hastily folded the map and put it in his satchel, then came over and helped her before she could change her mind. “I’m not that bad,” she chuckled but the lying in bed for weeks had weakened her and she only managed with his help. She was a petite women and from behind, looked perfectly normal. But her bulge, while not enormous, was much bigger.

He helped her dress in a winter dress and then a thick coat and wool socks. Then he carefully slid the boots on. Her ankles and feet were swollen so they had been using some men’s boots the church had donated to accommodate the wool socks, too. She put on her gloves and her wool cap and said “God, I’m tired already.”

“Shush. We goin’.”

She groaned with disgust when he opened the door and a wave of cold blue sunlight hit her face.

“Out with ya,” he gently pushed her out the door.

She stood on the porch and blinked around in the winter sun. In the distance, John raised his hand from where his tent was and she returned the greeting. “Aren’t they cold in that tent?” She said, a shiver running through her.

“Winter cover keeps it warm inside.”

Jack ran over with his half mitts and a little wool scarf flying around his neck. Nemo, the puppy he had found on one of his trips to Saint Denis and had asked Savigne to name to cheer her up, was yapping at his heels.

“Hey, my clever little friend,” she said and ruffled his hair when he arrived, cheeks rosy. He lifted the puppy so she can pet him, too.

“How is she?” The boy panted.

“She?” Savigne asked, surprised. “How do you know it’s a she?”

“I dreamed of her. We’re going to be good friends.”

“Nice,” Savigne ambled to step down the porch. “You can teach her how to read.”

His eyes sparked up at that. “And you can teach her how to cook. And Uncle Arthur how to shoot.”

“Damn, she’s going to be formidable,” she groaned, stretching her back.

“That means dangerous, right?”

“Yes.” She grabbed Arthur’s offered arm and walked towards the stable. When they entered, Cricket danced in place and threw his head back in his stall to neigh with excitement. Her breath hitched. “I’m sorry,” she said, voice wavering. “I missed you, too.” She hugged his neck and he stood there, snorting with happiness and enjoying her affection. He sniffed her bump and she kissed his forehead. “I’m sorry. You okay, my precious?” She turned around: “Can you bring me some apples, Jack?”

He ran to the barrel in the corner and retrieved two. She cried softly as she fed one to Cricket, and he fed his to Frost. Arthur had extended the stable and John’s horses were here too and she told Jack to feed them too, because you can’t just feed one horse and not the others.

After that was done Arthur broke a stack of hay and scattered it across all the stalls and Cricket immediately began to eat.

“Look at that,” was his disgruntled rumble. “Eatin’ now, ain’t ya? Mommy’s boy.”

She watched him for a while. “Aren’t they cold in here?”

“Nah, they okay.”

She brushed Cricket’s neck. “You think he will be alright now?”

“Ain’t sure,” was his careful answer. “Think he eatin’ cause yer here.”

She thought on this and he didn’t push, waiting for her to make the offer herself. He didn’t have to wait long.

“Maybe I need to come out to make sure he eats?” she muttered, kissing the snout.

This made him very happy but he masked his pleasure with a gruff protest: “You gonna spoil this asshole?”

“Of course I will,” she shot back with some heat, gave the horse more kisses and pats, then went around petting the other horses as Jack followed in tow, watching and mimicking her behavior.

Then they exited the stall and Arthur swung an arm around her shoulder to turn her to the path that led to the main road. “Might as well walk a bit. Dressin’ you took an hour.”

“It wasn’t an hour,” she snorted but placed her hand in the crook of his arm and complied.

“Gonna be Christmas soon,” he said as Jack ran ahead. She hummed, squinting up at the winter sky. “Was thinkin’…” he scratched his beard, “…maybe we can have a tree.” He shrugged when her eyebrows rose. “Why not? Maybe we celebrate a little.” He gave her a side eye. “Make some food…” When she pursed her lips and refused to jump at the idea as he had hoped, he added “But you gotta do the decoratin’.”

“Why?”

“Don’ think yer pullin’ yer weight ‘round here no more,” he grunted. “If ‘m gonna chop a tree, least you can do.”

She gave him a startled look. “What bullshit is this?! You told me to stay in bed!”

“I ain’t say melt into the damn thing,” he grumbled. “Almost had to peel ya off today.”

“Just stop!” she tsked with disgust and he tried but failed to hide his grin. At least she was getting a little riled up now, that was progress.

The sky turned burnt amber but sunsets this season were brief and it dimmed quickly. It didn’t snow here, but the air was chilly and their breaths frosted as they walked to the main road, slow and easy. Except for Jack, who did everything in bursts of energy. He brought them pretty leaves and snail shells and bird feathers and Savigne told him to collect them so he can draw them. She said then he could date it and remember the day.

“‘M tryin’ to help but ain’t sure if ‘m helpin’,” he said quietly when Jack ran off again. “Wish you would talk to me. Why ya so upset?”

She didn’t say anything for a while as they walked, the dry and stiff leaves crunching under their feet. “Nobody cares what I want,” she sniffed finally.

He was taken aback by that. “Course I care.”

“No you don’t. You care what’s best for me but you don’t care what I want.”

He thought on this for a long time. “Tell me what you want.”

“I want to do things that make me happy.”

“Thing is,” he tried carefully, “grub’s inside ya. Once it’s out, you gonna be yer own person again and do what you want, no?”

“Don’t think so,” she said, eyes misting over. Her hand in the crook of his arm stiffened a little.

“Why?”

“That’s when it really needs care. So it just gets worse.”

“How so?”

“Then it’ll be like, ‘you can’t do this, the baby needs care. You shouldn’t do that, baby needs its mother’.”

“Listen here,” he sighed. “Y’aint gonna do all that alone. I can help. Can’t help with this.”

“Let’s say you do,” she sighed, kicking at sticks and chestnuts. “That still means you will take care of the baby and nobody will care about me again.”

It was one of those things he had a hard time wrapping his head around: what women went through not just physically but also emotionally at a time like this. It was like a land border he wasn’t allowed to cross and he could only make assumptions about what was beyond. He had precious few intimate experiences with women and even fewer healthy ones with pregnant women and felt like she was drifting beyond his reach. Everything he did was common sense, but resulted in bizarrely unpredictable consequences. Taking chores off her hand made her unhappy. Bed rest made her tired. Trying to talk made her withdraw.

“Explain it to me plain,” he said at last. When she grimaced as if it was too much work he added “Please.”

She took a shuddering breath. “You won’t understand.”

“Might be. But ‘m gonna try.”

“I’ve been saying it but you won’t listen, it’s pointless,” she waved dismissively.

“Promise I will today,” he pushed. She was running again and these days, wherever she went, he couldn’t follow. He had the stark feeling that despite being physically right next to her day after day, he was slowly being walled off and it scared him; scared him even more that he had done this. Somehow, somewhere he had used a sledge hammer instead of a gentle tap and now what he was trying to mend had cracked.

She huffed in disbelief and looked away. A long time passed, Jack and Nemo came and ran off again but he didn’t push. He was distressed. He felt like she was swaying at the edge of an abyss and he had hearded her there somehow. Something was percolating in her, something she had been wrestling with and he had failed to see it coming. He liked to think that he knew Savigne pretty well at this point, that he could read her better than most. The idea that she had arrived at the edge of this abyss, in danger of tumbling off without him even noticing terrified him.

“I feel like…” she started, hesitant, “…our lives - you and me - was just six months and just when we were supposed to enjoy our time together, it’s all about the grub now forever.” She gave him a side eye, trying to gauge his reaction. When he didn’t react how she feared, she continued: “I thought we’d do all these things together. And have a full life. I would work and you would do whatever you want and then we’d be together to talk about it and have nice quiet baths and long dinners. We would travel and see things. I’ve barely been outside a city.” She fell silent, ruminating miserably.

“Go on.”

“Now there’s a kid and…it can never be like that.”

He nodded. “I can see what you mean.”

“You think I’m terrible for thinking it?”

“No,” he grinned at her. “‘M a bit flattered that yer worried ‘bout sharin’ me.”

“I don’t want to disappear,” she whispered as they reached the main road and turned around to head back. “I don’t want us to disappear. I know things will be different. And maybe better, even. But I also want some things to stay the same, because I liked them the way they were.”

“Okay,” he sighed. “‘M with ya on that.”

“Right,” was her dry comment.

“Course I am,” he huffed, a bit offended. “I want the grub. But not just the grub.” She grimaced like she didn’t believe him. “Timin’ ain’t great, I give ya that. But didn’ think I was ever gonna be so lucky to have a kid again, so I’ll take it. We can make it work.”

“I don’t know,” she mumbled, unconvinced. “I don’t see how. The kid will need so much time and attention and work. And before we know it it’ll be ten years and then twenty and well… I guess that was my life.”

“I know yer…upset ‘bout this bed rest thing. Think ya can’t see beyond that.”

“I’ve seen people raise kids, Arthur. I’ve seen the mayhem and exhaustion.”

“That’s just the poor folk.”

“We are poor folk,” she laughed.

He was quiet for a while. “I will work when we settle, we ain’t gotta be poor.”

“Sure. You go work, so I can do house chores all day,” she grumbled. “All I’m good for anyway.”

He remembered his conversation with Abigail. “I know you wanna work, too. You can if you wanna.” She gave him a dubious look. “What?” he said defensively. “I ain’t never said you shouldn’ work.”

“Except you did,” was her sour reply.

“Savigne, that’s temporary.”

“Everything is temporary, Arthur!” was her heated retort. “A month is temporary and so is a year and so is ten years.”

“Listen here, nobody askin’ you to lie in bed for a year. Or not work or do nothin’ else for ten.”

“Yet.”

He stopped walking. “‘M startin’ to feel insulted you trust me so little. What kinda man ya think I am?” She didn’t answer and he tried hard to not be offended. “Think ‘m gonna put you in a cage and lock the door? I care that little for what you want?”

“I think,” she repeated pointedly, “you care about what’s best for me and not what I want.”

“Woman,” he growled, voice tight, “I ain’t yer master. And y’ain’t the kind to take one.”

“Could have fooled me,” she muttered under her breath.

“Why? Cause this nonsense?” he said, waving his arm towards the cabin, meaning their current arrangement.

She didn’t say anything for a long while, seemingly having made her point and seeing no reason to talk in circles.

“Doctor said…” he tried.

“Doctor only cares about the baby,” she scoffed. “He thinks I should, too. He can’t even fathom that I might feel otherwise. And if he knew, he’d think there’s something wrong with me as a woman.”

“That ain’t true,” he said, although in all honesty, he wasn’t so sure anymore. He thought back on their recent appointments and how all the doctor had asked her was how she felt physically. Was she tired? Was she in pain? Was she eating well? How he had rattled off the things she needs to do to make the baby comfortable and things to avoid to make it uncomfortable. And he hadn’t even addressed her, but him. He didn’t think that odd, but in the state she was in, Savigne obviously regarded it as an insult.

He wondered if she was just the odd duck out or if a lot of women felt this way and never said it because they got talked over. He made a mental note to ask Abigail.

“Look,” he tried. “Maybe I got carried away. I feel…useless. Wanna help. Maybe thought I was helpin’.” He gave her a side eye but she gazed ahead, lips sealed. He ran a palm over his beard. “Thought you’d be happy if you do less.”

“That’s because you don’t listen to me. You just…squeeze,” she flustered, waving an arm, “…always squeeze and I have nothing that brings me joy anymore! And I’m tired of fighting you, I just don’t fucking care.”

He recoiled at this, flabbergasted. The resentment in her voice and bewildered him.

A long while passed and he slowed their steps so they had more time to talk before they arrived back.

“Okay,” he resumed. “I can see we took a wrong turn somewhere. ‘Spose we can meet in the middle?”

“What does that look like?” was the skeptical question.

“Don’ think ya should go back to things as they was…” He ignored her chuff of ‘I knew it’ and pressed on: “…but, we can do’em together? We can cook together. Go shoppin’ together?”

She turned this over in her head. “Is this like a one time offer so I shut up or…?”

“No?”

“Feels like appeasement.”

“Woman, ‘m sayin’ I might have overdone it,” was his frustrated sigh. “‘M tryin’ to find a middle road.”

“How often?”

“What?”

“How often? Like once a year or what?”

“Ya know, yer really makin’ me out like a brute.”

“You are a brute.”

“Listen here, I wanna do this right. I ain’t gonna let ya do it all like before. But we do it together, less work, no?”

She gave him a sullen shrug. “What about my job?”

“Ain’t gonna happen,” he nipped the idea in the bud. “‘Sides, we go back now, Luther gonna stab me with that stupid fork.”

As much as she tried to hold a serious face, the idea forced her to crack a smile which softened things between them.

“You want yer husband stabbed, Savigne?” he teased.

“Let’s just say right about now, I wouldn’t shed too many tears over it,” she mused, but there was no rancor in it.

He stopped and she stopped with him. He cupped her cheek. “But I need you honest. You can’t hide shit and push on cause you want it too much, ya hear?” She gave him a side-eye. He could tell she was enthusiastic about the idea, but cautious with her trust. “Deal?”

She chewed her lip and watched Jack chase Nemo for a bit. “If you promise,” was her haughty response.

“I promise,” he said quickly.

“Okay,” was her quiet sigh. For the first time in weeks there was a glimmer of life in her eyes and cool relief washed through his heart. “Then I promise, too.”

“Okay then,” he exhaled. Before they could resume their walk she abruptly threw her arms around his neck, pulled him down and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Her bump pushed into his ribs as he carefully hugged her shoulders. “Don’ smush the grub,” he grunted into her neck but enjoyed the embrace too much to break it.

He took a shudder of a breath, grateful that she wasn’t dead after all, that he hadn’t irreparably broken her and she was still in there somewhere and could still be who she had been before. Most of his life, he had done things that he was comfortable doing, practiced in doing, experienced in doing. Now he was doing something he had no idea how to do and more often than not it terrified him. He just hoped that he would be afforded grace for his mistakes and the chance to reverse out of them.

“So we’re going to cook those rabbits together?” she asked as she took his arm again and they started walking again. “Share the work? And the meal?”

“Honest truth…” he looked around to make sure Jack wasn’t nearby. “…Abigail’s cookin’ makes me miss Pearson.”

“It’s pretty bad,” she said, then cupped her mouth, embarrassed by her own chuckle.

“Vile is the word you lookin’ for. Been starvin’,” he agreed and enjoyed her muffled peals of laughter. “Gotta say, I pity Marston.”

“We can finally cook that kouneli stifado?” she grinned when she recovered. Her eyes flicked up at him mischievously and he thought she had never looked more beautiful than she did at that moment with rosy cheeks, hair bursting out full and dark from under the cap Abigail had knitted for her. Pregnancy had softened her features, just like rubbing his fingertips on a pencil drawing softened them.

“Sounds damn fine t’me.”

They did a detour to the tent on the way back.

“How ya feelin’?” Abigail said and dropped her work.

“Like I’m walking on stints,” Savigne sighed. “My center is all off.” She dropped into the chair John pulled out. Arthur was boyishly pleased by the enthusiasm in her voice when she chirped up “We’re thinking of putting up a Christmas tree!”

“Oh how nice!” Abigail clasped her hands. “Haven’t done that in so long!”

“Try never. Most I ‘member was Karen carryin’ a pine branch ‘round,” John scoffed.

“And drinkin’. Not like she needed reason for that,” Abigail laughed.

“Do you miss the gang?” Savigne asked a while later, leaning back in her chair.

“I miss some things ‘bout it. Sometimes.” The other woman sighed. “But then I remember the chores…and always bein’ on the run…and you never knew if folks was gonna come back from wherever they went…So no, not really.”

“It’s quiet here,” John shrugged when she looked at him as if that explained his opinion.

“Too quiet?”

“Sometimes.” He scratched the back of his neck. “Just wanna…do somethin’.”

“Yeah, I get that,” she said, hands running over her bump. “This spring, I hope.” She looked up at Arthur who was standing by her chair. “Do you miss the gang?”

“No,” was his simple answer. When that didn’t satisfy her, he added “I like quiet. I like simple.”

There was a certain tranquility that he had enjoyed when he used to camp away, alone. A kind of limbo where all mayhem was suspended. He used to wonder if that was how folks felt when they went on vacation. His life now reminded him of that, only better, because he had excellent company.

They chatted a bit longer, then Arthur helped her rise up and amble back to the cabin.

She told him to bring her the rabbits and some turnips, carrots and potatoes. Then she sat at the table and cut some vegetables and guided him on how to cut the meat and asked him for the spices in the upper shelves. He hung a cast iron pot on the fire and she added and stirred and roasted the ingredients in batches, explaining why she was doing what she was doing while he cleaned up and prepared the table. The stew cooked for about an hour as they talked about his day and what they could do for Christmas and his heart felt twice as big in his chest because she looked healthier and livelier than she had in weeks and so much more like her old self who he had feared he lost forever.

After that he cleaned up and she changed into her nightgown and he came over to stack the pillows behind her so she can sit up against the headboard.

“That was nice,” she sighed as he dried the dishes. “But…I’m jealous.”

“Of?”

“Your girlfriend.”

He clicked his tongue and glared at her over his shoulder.

“What? I can’t help it.”

“Thinkin’ ya got a dirty mind, Savigne.” She laughed and he thought how much he had missed her laughter. “Real filthy,” he added as he stacked the dishes away. “‘M talkin’ nasty.”

“Stop,” she chuckled. “I know it’s pathetic. But she looks like a goddess next to me now. Hurts my vanity.”

He scoffed at that. “No, she don’. I think ya look great. Soft and plush.” He hung up the towel and undressed to pull up his cotton pants for bed. Then he brought over the lantern and came to sit next to her with his journal and the map. He flapped it open and inspected it again.

“Why are you curious about that now? You said there’s never any gold.”

He shrugged. “Wanna see it through before we leave these parts. This the final piece.” That was only partially true. He wanted to do it because he knew she would enjoy it, even if all they would probably find was a joke like a quarter or a note that laughed at their folly. He thought on their earlier conversation about doing things together and decided that at the very least, it would create a memory and he wanted as many of those with her as life would spare him.

She rested her head on his shoulder and inspected the map with him. “That horizon line looks familiar,” she said, running her finger over it.

“Does, don’ it?”

“I can’t place it but I’m sure I’ve seen it.”

He hummed, eyes locked to the map. Then she abruptly gasped. “Bastard’s kicking my insides around again! Ow, god damn!”

She peeled up her nightgown and they watched a small bulge appear and fall back on the dome of her belly. Surprised, he looked up at her stunned face, then back down. Another bump, this time in the clear shape of a foot rose like bubble in water, stood suspended for a moment and withdrew.

“Holy shit!” she whispered, “Did you see that?”

”Did.” Something squeezed his heart and he grinned from ear to ear. “You think she dreamin’?” was his quiet question.

“So it’s a she now?”

“Jack said so,” he shrugged. “I kinda like it.”

“Why?”

“Girls are nice.”

She watched his face, curious. “Could be a hellcat. Could be like Sadie?” she countered.

He was never going to say it in case it turned out to be a boy, but deep down inside he liked the idea of a daughter. For one thing, as embarrassing as it sounded, he was less likely to compare her to Isaac and he was more afraid of doing that than he cared to admit.

“Good,” he drawled. “Fierce is good.”

She tensed suddenly and his eyes dropped to her belly again, expecting another kick. But instead came her low whisper: “I know where I’ve seen it.”

“Seen what?”

Her hand shot out to the map on his lap, finger pointing to the line of mountains. “This! You’ve seen it, too!” She sputtered, kicking the covers off to sit up. “It’s on the way to Valentine. We must have passed it a hundred times!”

He inspected it, trying to recall the geography. “Ya sure?” It was such a nondescript horizon line, it could be anywhere. No unique boulders or trees that stood out.

“I’m sure!” she yelped and he couldn’t help but chuckle at her enthusiasm. “These three low peaks flanked by the higher ones….We just have to find this stream!” Her eyes, frantic with excitement locked to his. “Can we go tomorrow? Please, please, please!!”

“Calm down,” he laughed. “That don’ even look right.”

“It does, I swear, it has to be!”

He hummed and gave her a calculating look. “If ya feel up t-”

“I do!” she scrambled up to her knees. “I do, I swear!”

“Simmer down, I mean if ya feel up to it tom-”

“I will!”

“Christ,” he sighed and shook his head. “Serves me right.”

He was surprised when she crushed her lips against his and gave him a passionate kiss. He cupped her cheek and kissed her back. She hadn’t kissed him in what felt a very long time and in that moment he fully grasped how barren the absence of her joy had been, because it flooded back in now and his heart thrummed with pleasure.

“I’ll prove to you that I’m fine,” she grinned against his lips. He grunted with surprise when her small hand ran up his leg and brushed over his cock.

“Woman, ya tryin’ to…bribe me?” he managed as heat pooled into his gut with shocking ferocity. His breath stuttered and a moan fell from his lips as she gently caressed him.

“Why, I would never!” she grinned as her hand disengaged, slipped under his cotton pants and started to stroke him properly.

His hips twitched and he groaned a low sigh as his cock stiffened immediately and tented his pants. The journal and the map slid from his lap and clattered onto the floor. His eyes fluttered and his toes curled as that small cool hand pumped him with expertise, fingers tightening and relaxing with a cruel rhythm.

“What do you think?” was the sultry whisper into his ear, followed by a suckle of his lobe.

Lust exploded in his chest, pushing his lungs aside as he panted with a sweltering desire. Her fingers curled tighter and a thumb brushed over his slit and his hips bucked again. When her other hand peeled his cotton pants down, his cock was red and swollen and already wet with precum. In the back of his head he was appalled by how aroused he was already but it was a dim thought, weak and distant and dwarfed by severe hunger.

“Yes,” he exhaled. She smiled and threw back her hair, then slowly, ever so slowly leaned down. Her hot breath over his skin made his legs tremble with anticipation. “Yes,” he moaned when her tongue licked his cum and twirled on the tip. “Yes,” he hissed when her lips glided playfully around the head, then slid back off, then did it again. His hand shot down to tangle her hair. “Yes,” he groaned when she slowly, so torturously slowly took him deeper all the while stroking him downwards so she had more access to the sensitive spot under the head. “Jesus, woman,” he panted, hips reaching up into her mouth, his desire swelling like delirium. “You’re too…fuck…good…oh…good at…at…” she hummed around hi shaft and the reverberation would have made him cum if she didn’t tighten her grip just then around the base. His fingers involuntarily gripped her hair by the roots. He hissed with unfulfilled need and couldn’t help but gently buck up to urge her on. She took mercy on him then and released her grip and pushed down her lips. The tightness of her throat drove him into a frenzy and he didn’t say much else for the rest of it.

The next morning, after hours of riding around, aiming for the mountains in the distance that Arthur still insisted didn’t look like a match to the drawing, she spotted the dry stream bed and almost tumbled off the wagon with excitement.

Arthur’s hand shot out to grab her arm. “Settle down or ‘m turnin’ ‘round!” he barked.

“Okay, sorry,” was her quick whisper.

He stopped the cart and gave the stream bed a skeptical look. “That don’ mean nothing, there a number of dry streams here in the winter.”

“Okay, I understand,” she said calmly, all the while thinking he must be fucking blind because this was obviously THE river bed. Lucky for them it was winter and the bed was dry except for a trickle. “We have to find a bend around a hill.” She pointed upriver, at the smudge of a hill. “Like that one.”

He hummed, squinting in the direction. He turned the cart that way and he gave her tapping foot a pointed look, so she stopped.

“Savigne calm down or we gonna gave the grub in the back of this cart,” he grumbled.

“I’m calm,” she said but it took all her willpower not to start tapping her foot again. He mumbled something about how stupid he was for digging this nonsense back up again, but she ignored him. The hill grew bigger and bigger as late afternoon approached. There was nobody around for miles and it felt like they were the only two people in the world.

He grunted with surprise when they arrived because there indeed was what looked like a slim opening on the bank across. He gave her a sharp head to toe as if to assess how well she was keeping her promise and she sat stock still with baited breath, hands fisting her skirt, back straight as a board, the way she would sit when a Sister sauntered her way in class.

Satisfied, he pressed one of his guns into her hand. “Listen here, ya see someone ‘proachin’, ya shoot.”

“But what if it’s just someone who thinks I need help?” she asked, bewildered.

He coughed an amused huff. “Don’ shoot the guy, Savigne. Shoot up. So I hear.”

“Oh. Right. Okay.”

He gave her a long look and she almost flustered with impatience. “You can do that, right?”

“Even I can do that,” she scoffed defensively. “Are you going to check today or what?”

There was a deflated sigh, he dropped his hat into her lap, took the lantern, jumped down and proceeded to climb down the boulders to walk across the stream bed. He stuck his head into the opening, lighted the lantern and held it in, looking around.

“Will you fit?” she called.

“Barely,” he yelled back. “It goin’ up, into the hill.”

She shifted with excitement, then carefully placed the gun beside her so she wouldn’t grip it wrong and pull the trigger by mistake.

He gave her a final look, pushed in the lantern, then slithered after and disappeared from sight.

Silence descended.

Savigne tapped her foot again, looked around to see if anyone was coming their way, twitched a little with paranoia and fished out the binoculars to scan the horizon. There were no birds chirping and no insects buzzing and she marveled again how quiet and unpopulated the wide expanses of this country were. Then she thought of their previous trip and the Murfrees and a spark of fear ignited in her as she pulled up the binoculars again.

He was gone for what felt like a long while. Too long to scramble around in a hill of this size and a grim idea occurred to her: ‘What if he’s stuck?’. She leveled the binoculars at the opening and it looked small, especially for someone of Arthur’s size.

“Stop!” she muttered. “Relax. He’s fine.”

She pulled out her pocket watch. It was a quarter after three but she hadn’t marked the time when he entered, so that didn’t mean anything. The light shifted and a breeze came up, rustling the dry grass around her as she watched the horizon again. Then she couldn't contain herself anymore and despite knowing he would be angry with her for climbing down by herself, shifted to do just that when she looked up and he was at the entrance, covered in dirt and dust.

She sighed with relief and plopped her butt back down. “Did you find anything?”

He gave her a long, weird look and worry vibrated in her. His Adam’s apple bobbed, he blinked and glanced around as if confused and distracted, then looked back at her.

“Yeah,” was his quiet statement that she only heard because it was so silent here.

“You okay?” she called, her uncertainty growing. He looked dazed, like he had hit his head. She rose up again, nervous now, trying to see if there was blood on his head. It was impossible to tell from this distance and with all the caked dust.

He nodded, then looked at his hands and thoughtfully wiped them on his jeans.

Oh my god, he must have hit his head, she thought, panic stirring in her. Or maybe something bit him. Maybe it was poisonous. She scrambled down the cart and hurried around and her panic grew when he didn’t even yell at her for that.

“What is it?!” she yelled, voice breaking with terror. “Did you hit your head? Did you…”

He waved his arm, sluggish, almost as if he couldn’t speak.

“I swear if you’re being silly, you better stop, Arthur! It’s not funny!” she called, breath hitching as she felt at the verge of tears.

He waved his arm again and placed his hands on his knees to double over, huffing to get air into his lungs. She eyed the boulders, calculating her route down, but before she could climb down, he spoke: “Stay. ‘M fine.”

He sounded winded, so she stayed, but barely.

“Are you bullshitting again? I’m going to be so mad if you’re bullshitting!”

He took a deep breath and straightened, then took another.

“Stay,” he said, firmer now, so she did. Then he gave her a look as if he wasn’t sure what he could tell her without risking her spinning off the handle. He took another deep breath. A conciliatory small smile bloomed on his lips as his hands rose to placate her. “‘M okay, promise.”

She shifted on her feet with indecision. The breeze clattered the empty husks of grass around her again.

“This gonna take a while,” was his huff of a statement. He shook his head with disbelief before he waved her back and disappeared in the crag again, leaving the trail of a chuckle and a confused woman behind.

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