#and how that feeds into interpreting people as good or evil

[this-acuteneurosis]

I'm curious how you characterize the dark side of the force in DLB. Does it behave more like an addictive drug that influences it's users to unhealth, or do you have it more like a sword- a dangerous tool that's not an inherently corrupting thing? (or maybe some other option I haven't thought of?)

Ooooooooooof. Okay.

So, my perspective on the Force generally, but certainly for this fic, is that the Dark side...isn't a thing.

Technically.

It's just a name.

I had a hard time before I started writing fic with the SW universe because the bad guys were progressively bothering me and I didn't know why. And it eventually came around to, the way that the Dark and Light side are portrayed, the Dark side is just...stronger? And that really didn't sit well with me. (I have no interest in arguing this point with people, it's my personal opinion.)

The biggest issue I had (among several) was there seemed to be this sense that the Dark side was like a drug, or a semi-sentient evil that lived in your head, or something, making you more bad. Or at least making you stay as bad as you were.

And like, there was no equal and opposite effect from the "Light" side. The good guys were always at risk of encountering that one thing that could turn them from the light, but there wasn't equal weight given the other direction.

This makes sense from a story perspective in a lot of ways, in that most stories are about resisting evil, and could get pretty boring if there was no challenge. But like, practically? If these things are supposed to be on some sort of cosmic scale?

I didn't like it.

And some of it comes back to the points that Leia was making to Yoda. How to you measure evil? What is the standard you use?

People keep making comments on DLB about Leia using "Dark" force powers that I have never heard of because I don't consume most SW material beyond the first 6 movies, and I sit there and I'm like...screaming in the Force is an Evil power? Like...why? (Please don't tell me. I don't actually want to know.)

I think there is probably a sense of malice and intentional hurt that you can pick up off of people who are what we would conventionally call evil. That you could pick up on the pain and anger tied to feelings like revenge. I can see Force sensitive people feeling that, looking at their students and going, "That. Don't do that. Don't be that. It's...dark. It's Dark."

But l just feel like this mis-attributes the responsibility from the person to the power.

And that's before we get into my violent rejection of the Force being sentient/semi-sentient.

I just...I'm very big on character agency in my stories. I think there are interesting things you can do by trapping characters with Fate or higher powers or mind control or any number of other things that impinge on their agency. You can do really interesting and compelling story telling that way.

But to me, the message of the OT was that Everyone Had a Choice. Luke had choices. Han had choices. Leia had choices. Lando had choices. Vader had choices. Hell, even Palpatine had the choice to not be evil.

And I find that allowing the Dark side to be a thing, especially to be a thing that exerts its own influence is just...not my vibe.

I think I've at least implied this before, but when people choose to hurt people with the Force in DLB, they aren't "using the Dark side." They are using the Force and they are using it to be cruel or angry or manipulative or whatever the hell else other unkind/evil thing they want to do. Their choice can be morally judged, but the power is in fact really just a tool. And people might not agree on the moral status of the choice, as Leia argues to Yoda.

I think there is real danger in labeling the feelings behind the intentions behind the use of the Force as Good and Bad or Light and Dark. I think it's why portrayals of Anakin and Vader are so vastly different depending on how you interpret his personal agency. I think it makes people defend some of the choices the Order and individuals in it made when those choices were Bad and Harmful, because surely Good/Light people wouldn't be Bad. They would know. They would never.

They could. They didn't. They do.

Anger is not evil. It's an emotion. Acting on anger is not intrinsically evil, and we do people a disservice by saying it is. It sure as hell has consequences and can absolutely cause harm. But so does any action take under any emotional state.

Teaching people they become powerless when they succumb to any powerful emotion--"good" or "bad"--is equally harmful and I think was key to how Palpatine manipulated Vader for decades after Vader had lost any real reason to be alive. And how people in real life similarly abuse and manipulate other real people.

Am I taking this too seriously? Maybe. But hey, uh, as you may have notice, that's kind of my bit.

[pawberri]

im a bit confused about your dni. youre against anti kink rhetoric but also whatever "profic" means?

Kink is a broad category of human behavior and experience, including personal play between two people in private, carefully run groups of adults doing stuff in controlled environments, people's personal blogs and role-plays and etc online, whatever whatever. I never want to feed into rhetoric that implies these behaviors should be regulated out of existence or are 1/1 with real actions. There's stuff that is up for debate on if it can be done ethically, but the good faith discussion is usually drowned out. Kink is also used as a weapon against minorities, especially trans women, so I never want to act like the unearthing of one's private thoughts and fantasies is somehow equivalent to regressive politics or moral failing. Research on kink tends to point towards it being healthy and harmless, and it's rarer to find a therapist that doesn't support kink as coping than the reverse.

Profiction/proship is a reactionary ideology where people imply art means nothing and has no politics, usually in the case of sexual art. It's anti interpretation and overly simplistic. The most extreme versions of it lash out at discussions of racism and other systemic issues in online communities. It treats discussions of the ethics of sexualizing children's bodies in fiction as a pointless and uninteresting question. It has a habit of looking towards the past as an ideal time and reacting against young people, casting them as the main force for evil in the world and as acting for change for purely irrational reasons. It treats personal kink as the same thing as mass media or even just publicly available art, and is uninterested in how personal art becomes culture and subculture and how that changes the meaning and impact. It also just annoys me and reminds me of past abusers on a purely petty personal level.

I don't like anti-kink people's attacks on proshippers because the logic is usually faulty and reactionary. I don't like proshippers' attacks on "antis" because the logic is usually faulty and reactionary.

Also if I say those things in my bio my online experience is much more relaxing 🌈

That's the basics of why I try and avoid both

[everythingseasoning]

Suguru Geto - JJK character analysis (near complete?)

“I gave everything I had, and it failed. It all crashed in front of me. And nobody did anything— not before me— not now. I’m seeing something nobody else sees. I’m sitting in these shadows and nobody cares about me. And here Gojo is, not doing a thing— and they praise him.” - my interpretation of Geto’s thought processes post Riko Amane’s assassination.

Crying about Geto because he went through so much. Geto was compassionate and idealistic before he defected. After such intense, prolonged trauma caused by the darkness of humans, and after growing disillusioned towards the world due to how unhelpful jujutsu society was— Geto felt utterly confused, resentful, and abandoned. The very system that was supposed to represent goodness (Jujutsu Society) simply prolonged the cycle of pain and suffering. It failed everyone— it failed him. Everything he’d believed was a shattered mirror, reflecting the cracks and flaws of humanity— and Geto saw that. Jujutsu Society praised Gojo for his innate talent, whilst neglecting the cracks in its system and the world, and neglecting Geto. In Geto’s turmoil, Geto was overcome by disenchantment— losing his faith and shedding his past sense of self— his good nature replaced with bitterness towards Gojo, simultaneously accompanied with a developed, narrow perspective on normal humans. (As we see with “Are you the strongest because you’re Satoru Gojo, or are you Satoru Gojo because you’re the strongest?” — Geto brings up the age old question of nature Vs nurture. He’s essentially asking Gojo if his power is the reason for his success, or if his power shaped his identity. Who is Gojo? Did he get any choice in defining himself? —He didn’t. Gojo’s whole personality is based off of his power, which determined how he was treated— the Strongest, seen as a functioning tool. —And regarding Gojo’s power: What was once a deep admiration towards Gojo, turned into resentment and envy from Geto’s end, as Geto realized Gojo wasn’t changing the corrupt systems, nor did Geto have the luxury of power to have made a difference. Geto felt spurned, and also believed normal people were unworthy of ruling, and the only way to save the world from its already unjust systems was to overthrow everything and use power to rule. After all, power is all that matters in terms out how you can change the world, which is your worth in the world— and Geto wanted that. He wanted power. He wanted to be worthy the way Gojo was— he was hurting. Maybe if he had Gojo’s level of power, he wouldn’t be in this much pain. Maybe he would’ve been able to stop other people from being evil and actually have had footing in this world. Maybe people would be listening to him, appreciating him. —Or maybe, Jujutsu Society was just a phony, after all. And normal humans were useless to change anything— all they did, in Geto’s mind, was feed into the evil nature of the world. …Geto became resentful, callous, cold, evil because of the wrongdoings inflicted on him, which resulted in his misinformed beliefs about humans and his behavior run wild with blind spite. He truly believed that the pain he inflicted on humans was justified, and he reveled in it because he had been hurt so deeply and saw it as reparations, even.

Do I believe what Geto did was okay? Absolutely not. He had much too rigid a way of seeing humans— as all bad— and that was a fallacy. But he was only 17 when he faced such confusing, extreme, difficult circumstances, and it distorted his worldview. I can’t blame him. He WAS good. But being around constant darkness wore him down, thus he descended into a callous man devoid of empathy. His actions after defecting are deplorable and not okay, however, he truly deserves compassion too. Many others, had they been in his situation, would’ve ended up horribly warped too.

How could Geto have done better, so as not to become the evil, rigid and disillusioned, cold and harmful, person he became? This is an important question. I’m still figuring it out myself. This analysis is to be continued. For now I’d say that he was unable to empathize with humans beyond his own pain and suffering, and it’s a cautionary tale about how wrapped up we can get in our own trauma and suffering— which leads us to being incapable of seeing and understanding things beyond our own individual pain, which leads us to inflicting undue injustice into others. It’s crucial that we take the time to understand the depth and complexity of humanity. The inherent value in humans.

I’m sorry, Geto. For all you went through, and for ever judging you without the fuller scope of understanding. You deserved better.

[optiwashere]

Please write your thoughts about the importance of Shadowheart for Shar/Selûne :D

I FEED on character analysis.

SO!!!! This got long as fuck and also morphed into what you asked + a general character interpretation.

I relied on a combination of 2nd, 3rd, and 5th edition D&D lore, R.A. Salvatore novels, and of course BG3 as sources. Shadowheart's characterization adds up the most coherently on the purely romance / "get her away from Shar" path, and that is what I'm using as a basis for this post. Even when you're playing an "evil" route, she behaves in ways that betray a lot of what I get into under the break. This post, however, is biased towards the "good" path of her personal quest for the sake of my sanity and a somewhat reasonable word count.

First, a preamble for people that are maybe less knowledgeable about Forgotten Realms lore.

One of the biggest characterizations of Shar and Selûne in the Forgotten Realms is that they are twin sides of the same thing: night. Night as an aesthetic is symbolic of, among other things: mysteries, being lost without guidance (such as in faith or purpose), and finding oneself when one reaches for the truth. I.e., reaching light from the moon, stars, or daybreak (which is itself a symbol as the natural conclusion of darkness being light for redemption following suffering, goodness defeating evil, finding faith, etc.)

Shar and Selûne are sisters that also share the Night domain in 3e, a sort of fulcrum they both work around — Shar as the "malevolent" darkness with Selûne as the "benevolent" night. There is even a recognized heresy called the Dark Moon heresy in both cults/religions that Shar and Selûne are actually the same goddess playing one gigantic trick on Faerûn (this comes from a 3.5e splatbook called Power of Faerûn) but it's been pushed time and time again that the two sisters are, in fact, two separate entities. But duality of divinity, and how worshipers interpret their god, is a theme we see played up a ton in BG3.

What we know about Shar is that she despises her sister. Loathes her. Not only does she loathe her, she tricked Selûne's followers during the Time of Troubles, about 140 years before BG3, into worshiping her instead of the Moonmaiden. The Time of Troubles was a period when gods walked the Realms, rather than tossing avatars around everywhere. This lead to the formation of a fanatical group of cultists that followed the real Selûne, called the Lunatics (I'm still proud of managing to reference them in a goddamn Explicit PWP fic)

Meanwhile, Selûne is seen as a calming force. She wars with her sister every single night, and does not like her one bit, but she does it as a means to protect others from her sister rather than as a spiteful game. She's not as omnipresent in people's lives, she is just a natural force to a lot of her followers.

How does any of this relate to Shadowheart? Spoiler stuff and the actual character analysis under the break.

We know that Shadowheart was a "chosen" of Selûne as a child, per her parents' dialogue under the House of Grief. However, it's important to note that most religions in Faerûn name potential clerics as "chosen" ones of gods and goddesses.

We know that, throughout the game, Shadowheart learns that she is being manipulated by the Lady of Loss to do acts that go against some sort of internalized moral code that Shadowheart has. We see her approval go up when you do good acts (as long as you ask for compensation, or if it's to help helpless people/animals) and we see her disapprove when you press her boundaries or act unjustly cruel. "Unjust" is left so vague because she does not behave at all according to how the vast majority of Sharrans behave. There are numerous other flags for approval/disapproval such as her enjoying playful chaos, or disliking when you're too trusting of other companions when you first meet them, but we'll focus on the first set I mentioned.

We also know that Shadowheart was continually subjected to memory erasure via the cult of Shar in Baldur's Gate. This gets mildly restored here and there via the tadpoles and Dame Aylin, but her memory is mostly gone. So this moral code is something ingrained in her somehow, because Sharrans don't have kindness training. There's another entire character analysis to be written about Viconia's role in this as it relates to her own character in Baldur's Gate 2, but let's ignore that for now.

In the cloister under the House of Grief, there is a note you can find that outlines the squad sent to find the artifact that protects everyone from the Absolute's domination. The squad has a leader, and it is not Shadowheart. She is listed as "healer" and the text before this explicitly states that the entire squad is expendable. None of them matter to Shar.

BUT!

Divine visitation by a goddess is incredibly rare. It usually only happens to high level clerics, which Shadowheart isn't really even at 12th-level, and to those that the goddess has an extreme, vested interest in. If you free the Nightsong/Dame Aylin instead of killing her, Shadowheart is wrenched out of the Material Plane and made to suffer for an indeterminate amount of time. That, plus literally meeting Shar in the conclusion to her personal question, is very odd given what we know about Shadowheart.

If we presume that Larian did their jobs, and I'm going to because I trust them, then there is an immediate dilemma presented here. Either Shadowheart matters to Shar (she is not expendable), or she is just another zealot (she is expendable.) There is no half-truth in that logic table that really works for Shar, she's an absurdly dogmatic goddess. See: literally any Sharran you encounter in BG3 that isn't Shadowheart. It's possible that the writer of the note didn't know what they were talking about, but I think that's a lazy out that doesn't hold water with the rest of the evidence.

So, which is it? This being the part where I'm mostly in interpretation territory, Shar views Shadowheart as the perfect puppet, a toy to needle at her sister, not because she is important at all as a person, but because she's a representation of Selûne that Shar can mold to suit her image as she did in the Time of Troubles. We hear that in the game when Shadowheart basically says that she was just a thing for Shar to use. She's beaten into (what Shar believes will be) submission for not becoming a Dark Justiciar, but it only serves to sever the tie between cleric and goddess.

Shadowheart is Shar's answering play to Selûne beating that trick from the Time of Troubles, and there will be another Shadowheart after her eventual death. Shadowheart is both incredibly important and utterly worthless to Shar in the same way that an abuser uses affection and trust to hurt their victims. Love bombs in the form of divine power, sending her on this important mission, and offering the title of Dark Justiciar are followed by pain when Shadowheart displeases her. As if, on a whim, all that supposed mutual respect could turn into non-consensual, extreme violence.

Shadowheart is an objectified opportunity for Shar to fuck with Selûne for the entirety of a single half-elf's lifespan (anywhere from 150-200 years) and nothing more. A plaything to discard when all is said and done after a microcosm of time where a goddess is concerned. Whatever Shadowheart thinks she's benefiting from with Shar, it's all a trick. It's a massive delusion with which she's been brainwashed into participating.

And deep down, deep deep way deep down, Shadowheart knows this even in Act One. She spouts random sayings and the sorts of 2edgy4me one-liners that you would expect from a somewhat goth-y, slightly sassy Stock Evil Cleric in a fantasy RPG. For a good portion of Act One, you wouldn't be wrong to assume she's extremely one note and a total zealot. That is, unless you know two things:

That Shar is a fucking menace in Faerûn, and nothing good ever comes naturally from her cult. Anyone that knows FR lore was probably like me when they first interacted with Shadowheart. I know I basically said, "What the fuck, you're not a Sharran lmao. Either Larian goofed hard, or something's fishy here."

That extraordinarily devout people tend not to babble in verse, prayer, and all that unless they are also trying to convince themselves to have more faith in a set of beliefs that they're not entirely sold on. This isn't 100% of the time, but it's something you see in people whose faith is not very strong. People who have ironclad faiths and hold consistent ideologies tend to rely more on personal interpretation of faith, for good or ill. You see this all over BG3 in the people that are more confident in their beliefs, as well. Isobel, Orin, and Z'rell are three wildly different angles on that, for example. It's really all over the game in the NPCs.

That second point is the more important one here. Shadowheart, in Act One, is constantly talking about her goddess. If she's not hiding the artifact from you, she's couching an event in concern over what Shar would think of how she behaved. Like she's still a scared child who doesn't know how to handle what's happening around her despite being completely capable in scenarios as hectic as melee combat with ogres. The difference shines bright as day if you play a follower of Selûne and push back on her beliefs, though you do of course get a lot of vitriol in the beginning. Even so, it's clear that Shadowheart knows something is off about Shar whenever confronted with actual Sharran activity/belief, but she's been brainwashed and abused so horrendously that she constantly tries to "correct" herself to appease her abuser.

Selûne, however, isn't really a "part" of Shadowheart's quest in the same way as Shar. The Moonmaiden is not an active participant, she is not a guiding hand or even a faint idea in Shadowheart's thought processes because of how intense the memory blending got for her. The most we ever really get of Selûne's opinion comes from external sources (pretty much entirely from Shadowheart's parents, Isobel, and Aylin when she's not PROCLAIMING DIVINE RIGHTS.) To the Moonmaiden, Shadowheart is really just another of her many, many children spread throughout the Realms. Yet, Shadowheart retains that sense of inherent goodness that Selûne instils in her followers.

Unlike the Lady of Loss, Selûne's indifference isn't hateful or spiteful at all. For Selûne, the ultimate goal of any of her followers is to find themselves. To illuminate who they are meant to be by moonlight. Two of her domains in 3rd edition are Protection and Travel, and in 5e she has Knowledge as well, while one of her "mantles" (the domain equivalent for psionics) is Freedom. She wants to give her followers the ability to freely tread whichever road will lead to self-actualization.

Selûne demands almost nothing of her own followers so long as they act according to the basic tenets of a traditionally Chaotic Good deity. She accepts flaws, faults, and failures in her clerics as much as she rewards strengths, virtues, and victories. There is no divine intervention from Selûne because she accepts Shadowheart intrinsically as long as Shadowheart finds herself. All it took for Selûne to take Shadowheart back after forty years of being a fanatical Sharran was saving one person, and trusting one of two people that we know she's let in for that forty years (the PC, as well as possibly Nocturne) — Selûne sees that she's an abuse victim at the heart of it all.

Side-note: Selûne's primary holy symbol is two eyes surrounded by stars. She is always a passive witness to her clerics' deeds. I don't think I need to get into that symbolism.

Whenever given the chance, Shadowheart values freedom incredibly highly. Even in someone she can take the entire game to warm up to, such as Lae'zel. Her dialogue after Lae'zel denounces Vlaakith speaks directly to this. It's seen repeatedly in her comments on other characters' personal quests such as Astarion, or Karlach, and with Lorroakan's intent on imprisoning Aylin in Act 3.

Once Shadowheart is pulled away from Shar's influence in the end of Act 2/early Act 3, she is... not a completely different person, but she is absolutely a calmer individual that also allows her emotions to surface more intensely. If you're romancing her by Act 2, she confesses that she wants to be with the PC (forever) IMMEDIATELY after being punished horrifically by Shar; she progresses the romance far faster once Shar is out of her brain; she cries, alone, in front of the PC if she chooses to listen to her parents and spare herself from Shar while also killing them. She's known this entire time that she's purposefully holding parts of herself back, and this is her immediate reaction to being set free.

Of course, it's a video game and things aren't always perfectly paced, especially considering the implementation of the Long Rest system. Much of this interpretation requires you to accept that.

After the small dialogue about Shar's intervention after the Gauntlet, the narrator comments that you're not sure if telling Shadowheart where her divine power now comes from will break her spirit forever. That's interesting, and it makes her almost manic change to "I have to be with this person forever" in the romance so utterly sad. Shadowheart is an almost textbook depiction of someone who struggles immensely with vulnerability and emotional openness due to childhood neglect and abuse. Even worse, she's been suffering that neglect and abuse for forty-plus years and she cannot remember what life was like before the time when she constantly yearned for the approval of her abuser. When she's set free and given the appropriate space to manage her feelings (all of the times she asks to be given space/asks the PC to respect her boundaries), support from friends and loved ones in the way Larian handled the camp crew's reactions to everyone's personal quests, and a purpose in life that extends beyond her abuser, she flourishes almost immediately.

To Selûne, Shadowheart is simply another person finding themselves in a world that's incredibly difficult to navigate. Under Shar's domination, Shadowheart will never be anything more than a useful puppet that dances happily whenever her goddess asks, pleased to be what she thinks is useful as she wears the false title of Dark Justiciar. With Selûne watching but not pushing, Shadowheart can be free of everything but her own choices, her own mistakes and victories. Her own person, freed from expectation.

P.S. "Breaking out of toxic thought patterns" is a common thread in the companion romances and quests. In a similar way to how Astarion uses sexuality to mask a part of himself in his romance, Shadowheart sees all this time she's spent holding herself back as an excuse to reverse course and accelerate ridiculously fast by comparison.

My point is, she is a U-Haul Lesbian.

[honey-minded-hivemind]

Alright I feel like I've done the other Creed Readers, so here is my interpretation of Smilodon Reader.

I like to imagine them doing their best to separate themselves from their "relatives" by cutting and styling their hair to be as unfluffy as possible...but keep failing due to pure fluff genes. Went with more of a punkish style because like...they want people (both mutant and human) to leave them alone so they want to be intimidating but also try to be different. 100% unentertained with the way people see them. They're a lil on the skinny side rn, but they also don't really feed themself the best or have the best food supply. They'd be bulkier if they weren't just doing their best to survive and avoid the judgement of the other mutants.

(At this point I'm just keeping the cardboard cut-out of Victor around for height comparisons. I like to imagine everyone being little uncomfortable around it and shoving it into the closet when reference pictures are done lol. They def use it to prank other readers.)

They look stunning! Their scowl, their pinkish scars, their short hair that is still floofing a little (hard to get rid of the floof!), their reddish-amber eyes, their red tank top and darker gray jacket, their cargo pants and boots-!

They're trying so, so hard not to look like their dad, or uncle, or whoever or whatever else is in their family. They just want to be Reader, not Sabretooth's h*llspawn, not Logan's vicious nibling, not the disappointment, or the runt, or the one to abandon.

They definitely have a melt down about it-

"Do you KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO BE ME?! Every day, EVERY F*CKIN' DAY, you BRATS compare me and make fun of me and USE ME, never seeing me as a PERSON. I'm always "Sabretooth's runt" or "Logan's evil nibling", never Reader or a KID! Want to know something?! I NEVER ASKED TO EXIST!!! I try SO HARD, so F*CKING HARD, to be good! To be nice! To be worth it or acceptable or just lovable... but I'm not... No one cares... No one cares if I live or die or if I disappeared... So maybe I should just go..."

Yeah... The teens were not expecting that... amd now feel the beginning of guilt and shame, for how they've been acting towards Reader...

What do you think, @vivid-bun ? Want to cook on this? (Is that how y'all say it?) Did you like it? And please, please know you're art is so freaking awesome. It's amazing. Look at them. Look at what you made. Eat a cookie. Eat two cookies. You did amazing.

[blackstarchanx3new]

FSR Rambles 21

Hah. Green seeing through Vio's eyes his past mistakes haha.

"Now, onto the human towns! We'll burn them all! Spread darkness to the horizons!"

True to his word that's what he did.

Vio is uh. Rather sickened by this.

Yeah blame it on altitude sickness Vio.

Riding on Shadow's lack of knowledge of humans was a good play though.

It's been awhile since we touched on Vio masking around Shadow to save his own ass. But dude had to have been going through it during these events. And I feel like if FS had a longer run time and a T rating we could have actually seen the affects of playing evil had on him.

It couldn't have been easy.

I just like the idea he struggled a LOT more than the og manga gives us any hints towards.

Like he said to Green in the previous flashback he had to watch Shadow no doubt MURDER people and stand by and do nothing.

That'd fuck with his head.

Yeah Vio's thoughts became consumed by how little he wanted to die.

I've always had the personal head cannon that he decided to shatter the mirror after the dragon ride SPECIFIFCALLY because he'd reached his limit on how much he could allow Shadow to do and just, stand by and watch.

He'd been complicate in almost killing Red and Blue, which would fuck with somebody enough.

Had to presumably face vaati in cannon (And in FSR actually did)

Like I've brought up a few times: Why would he even BOTHER making a plan with Shadow to free Zelda if he didn't intend to act on it? Literally outside of giving Shadow hope it served no real purpose...

UnLESS that was his plan but he couldn't follow through.

Which is what I personally go with here.

Vio just fully cracked. Being so stressed out he stress vomits oomf.

Poor guy. Still being consumed by the thought he needs to act normal after EVERYTHING he's been through.

Paralyzed with fear regret and self loathing Vio just crumbles to the floor.

His main thought here is that he doesn't HAVE to kill shadow if he can just hold onto the plan he made.

But as we'll see, his resolve is crumbling faster and faster.

Vio placed so much burden on his own shoulders he crumbled. Trying to do this mission entirely by himself utterly destroyed him.

Vio's been COMPLETLY ALONE here. As much as Shadow thought they were buddy buddy Vio could NEVER fully confide in him and has been ALONE since the forest. Perhaps things would be different if he had someone by his side who also knew of his plans. But he hasn't been able to be honest or had an outlet for all his feelings for DAYS now at least. Possibly longer.

I think I've ranted before about how HIS arc was about learning to lean on his team mates and I wanted to feed into that.

Except Vio doesn't really come to that conclusion now but rather decides he just needs to get out of this scenario right the fuck now.

Which is why since I'm trying to build off the manga: he acts VERY RASH.

Because imo that scene where he gets pissed is just, so badly written due to the manga's context and shit but I digress... (I don't like Tingle's inclusion much at all tbh he doesn't add literally anything to the story and instead fucks up Vio's arc. Bla bla I've went on this rant many times.)

It finally just hit him.

He's unable to keep this up.

As he steels his resolve to do what he's about to do.

Vio's monologue here really dips into how I think he'd end up in a LOT of denial.

He's just telling himself lie after lie to justify the situation he ended up in and his new choices he'll make.

And it all culminates to.

And we know the events of the manga haha.

I liked portraying just how desperate Vio was in these circumstances since again: I don't think the manga portrayed it at maximum capacity cause of the A rating and left most of it up to interpretation.

I like adding Vio's thoughts where we otherwise have no real clue what he was thinking at the time. It's a lot of fun. XD

"What's sitting on me"

More like WHO Green. XD

Apparently showing others things takes a bigger toll on Dark compared to just viewing it by himself.

He's very unenthusiastic even when saying "Yay Dark Link" XD

Green just, stares in utter horror soaking in everything he just witnessed through Vio's perspective.

Oh boy someone cracked like an egg.

Funny how your eye glitched there Green.

Dark Link's "Wtf is wrong with YOU?" Face never ceases to make me smile. Dude's so weirded out by Green just breaking here.

Green's self hating outburst is so jarring to Dark he tries to interrupt him.

Though Dark's nervousness could be for a LOT OF reasons:

He could just be genuinely shocked and worried for Green. Which I think is valid since Dark hasn't really seen someone act this way before.

But also, whenever anybody is angry (Vaati and Shadow): They tend to take it out on him physically.

Dark's reactions is straight up like "Fuck did I break him???" X'D

It's funny how much Dark's perspective on making them suffer has changed.

From delighting in Vio's terror to being disturbed at Green's mental breakdown.

Green's rant is pretty self evidently aimed at his own actions. Thinking he couldn't ever relate to what Vio went through, and considering himself worthless garbage which. oomf ouch buddy.

Dark does quite frankly the funniest things he could do by just, aggressively rubbing his face against Green's like a cat.

Mmm. Darkgreen.

Okay but seriously I just love these two's dynamic. XD

Green's practically BEGGING this "evil dude" to reprimand him and tell him he's an awful leader and horrible at everything he's tried to do and he's just NOT getting that energy from Dark at ALL.

Dark's made his thoughts on Green pretty clear, he thinks Green's a good hero even with his mistakes.

Specifically the fourth panel where he's got the star eyes you can really tell the dude has admiration for Green. XD

I just love Dark's face after Green blurts out that he doesn't do enough too.

It's like he had to really think about what he was going to say in response to that.

Usually when Dark thinks someone is wrong he'll call them stupid in some capacity, but here he takes a different route.

Dark's response is really, simple.

A genuine question.

"...When will it be enough Green?"

Dark's standards for what a hero are and what he deems a good hero or person are rather...tilted but he's accurately called out Vaati and Shadow for shit and he's not afraid to be brutally honest.

I think the brutal honesty of this statement is showing just how vacuous and large the shit Green has put on his own shoulders that he nor Dark know the end of what he's truly signed up for.

And that realization makes Green just break further.

Apologizing that he shouldn't even be able to confide in Dark someone who thus far hasn't even really complained about Green's breakdown at all.

Green's dialogue in the last panel is telling about how he's facing a lot of guilt in breaking down in front of Dark because technically: He should be protecting everyone FROM HIM.

He's breaking down in front of someone who's for all intensive purposes their ENEMY and their current biggest issue.

The guy Green has to decide whether or not to KILL.

And Dark's the one giving in his own way comfort to HIM.

This scenario from Green's perspective at least is all sorts of screwed up.

Poor baby's so stressed he reverts to his manga design

Green further goes onto say that telling Dark his insecurities was a mistake.

Which, is a fair thing to say lol. Dude essentially trauma dumped on Dark XDDD

Literally when I was drawing this scene I thought of this meme lmfao.

Which is awful but I have shitposter brain.

Smth I like about panel 3 & 4 is how Dark goes to wipe away Green's tears. Which is something Green did for him earlier.

Dark can and will reflect positivity if it's given to him.

People keep only feeding him negativity but Green showed him unconditional kindness and he gave it back.

I like how they have a positive effect on each other despite everything haha.

Again peeking into Dark's twisted idea of pain and pleasure.

He's just happy to be suffering WITH someone for a change. Misery loves company.

Green kinda asks a kinda dumb question here. But him asking if Dark feels "hurt" isn't a completely weird question...Like. This thing is a monstrous curse wearing your face it isn't far off to try to clarify some stuff. XD

Dark's response is just, kinda sad.

He's always suffering and always in pain.

Green's quick to try and play off his avoidance of an answer to Zelda and SHadow as Dark keeping him in the head space but ahhh...

Green buddy...You're choosing to stay here with Dark. XD

Dark's quick to point that out too lmfao.

I especially love how he immediately gets disapointed Green is saying smth stupid by asking if he "got hit with the same stupid" which just is a hilarious way to word saying something dumb.

I just like that he can flip from cute to intimidating evil guy in a blink of an eye. XDDD

So Dark's monologue here I got stuff to say haha.

Dark immediately isn't a fan of the idea of being by himself, by his continuous emphasis of being LEFT alone, "By MYSELF...ALONE" The idea Green would be abandoning him in some way if he left.

Also him just aggressively gripping green's face like he's trying to hold onto him in some capacity to keep him there. Oomf.

Often times Dark's "Evil villain" mannerisms like grabbing people isn't him being purposely space invading and sinister but his desperate subconscious pleas for SOMEONE to stay close to him. He's not going out of his way to make people uncomfortable.

He's so unintentionally stereotypically evil and I like that about him haha. He knows to an extent he's intimidating but isn't TRYING to be.

I think that's a fun contrast with Shadow who goes out of his way to invade people's space to MAKE them uncomfortable (like Vio in the woods hah)

Back to his dialogue. He points out Green doesn't want to leave either.

Which is true.

"Cause if you leave...you'll have to return to responsibility. Pretending the sorce of your problems is in the hands of some horrible demon that ensnared you... Instead of a product of your own misgivings and foolishness"

This is in reference to the here and now but ALSO when Green was hunted in the pyramid. He got himself into that situation too haha.

Dark referring to himself as a "horrible demon" shows that he's HIGHLY aware of how Green is perceiving him to a degree.

Green in a way wants to believe Dark Link is pure evil. Which would make the choice he has to make whether or not to spare him easier. Like Shadow said. if he was mindless this would be MUCH EASIER. It'd a a no brainer. But he's NOT and that results in a lot of pain over what to do about him.

A lot of Dark's questions have been rhetorical. He KNOWS Green is pretty much USING him right now to avoid responsibility and is KINDA fine with that?

He makes a light hearted (At least in his opinion) jab that Green's being selfish and taking up his time when he "promised" Blue earlier he'd spend time with him. (Which is funny considering time doesn't really exist here) Being visibly embarrassed Green in a round about way WANTS to spend time with him.

On the HORRIFYING realization about what Dark confessed to planning Green PANICS.

Reasonably he knows what Dark considers "Fun" even if he's not being outright malicious.

Also not so fun visual fact: Dark flinches when Green grabs him.

Which is just sad how he's just used to getting the crap kicked out of him that he fully expected Green to hit him.

Okay I'd be totally skimping out on dumb FSR facts if I didn't tell ya "Love like mine" wasn't a song I listened to on repeat while drawing this scene.

Very strong DarkGreen vibes XDDD "I'll make ya scream and I'll make you want it! You can be my ride or die" mmm delicious. Give more more. Finally some good fucking food.

Anyway page lol.

Dark realizing Green is holding his hand is just kinda cute. Like of course that's what he'd care about lmfao.

Meanwhile Green's full panicking about Dark confessing he was gonna go mentally fuck with Blue later. XDDD

Like dude's on his knees begging Dark not to, even offering to trade places.

I mean, what'd really be the difference after all?

He's gotta bear all the burdens...Doesn't he?

Link's put that pressure on him at least.

It kinda just shows how self punishing Green is at this point. Thinking he fucked up so bad he needs Dark to take it out on him.

Which isn't the POINT of what Dark does. Dark only really haunts them as a means to an end to keep them split and Vaati safe, but also as his own selfish desire to connect with them. Like how he spoke to Vio after Blue ran off.

Green seeking someone to hold him accountable for SOMETHING is just, oomf.

I think it's fun to dive into the idea Green REALLY doesn't know if Dark is faking being kind to him.

I mean, their biggest adversaries lied to them via transforming and using their loved ones MUTLIPLE TIMES. (Vaati shifting into Zelda, using their dad against them, even Vio 'turning' on them, trust would be something VERY HARD TO DO at that point I think.) Deception on the enemy's side isn't unexpected at all.

That he's hinging on the slightest chance Dark IS being genuine with him that he'll listen and not hurt the people he cares about. Whether or not Dark has Free will AT ALL.

He is a curse, it's not far fetched to think he just... CAN'T NOT do what he's designed to do.

Dark for his part is at first, contemplative.

Green's really showing just how AWFUL what he does to people is in a lot of ways. Dark has a certain cognitive disconnect in the sense he struggles to accept in a lot of ways how he truly affects Link.

Though reading Green's mind he distracts himself with "Lol wtf are you doing and what does it prove?" When Green makes the assumption that if he can change Dark's mind than he really is a person who can be reasoned with.

People can be reasoned with, mindless program following curses can not. UwU

Turns out begging is smth Dark's into lmfao so Green's pleading tickled a nerve.

I fucking love Dark's wrong word usage to describe things.

The idea Green WANTS HIM for him to STAY with Green just fills the guy with joy. Even if it's just because Green's being self hating and desperate to save his team mates.

Dark Link likes being wanted.

Green is WANTED by people, and being wanted by GREEN specifically just makes the guy just so happy.

And Dark struggles to really fully describe what he's feeling in the moment because genuine JOY isn't something this guy is getting very often.

Baby is so happy he cries.

Dark's just such a sad dude.

Expressing he's just happy Green cares about him. Mentioning Blue here too but Green is showing compassion for Dark in the sense he doesn't WANT to hurt him.

By HOPING for Dark to be able to be reasoned with, by wanting Dark to be someone he could talk to he IS caring about Dark's safety which isn't smth the dude has gotten from ANYONE ELSE so far.

he even confides he wishes he could stay with Green forever and just be happy with him which is just all sorts of sad.

Ooomf these pages fuck me up man.

Dark LOVES the idea of being with Green. Someone he not only idolizes but the ONLY person so far who has given a single solitary shit about him.

He's so lonely and SO sick of being a conduit for sadness that this sounds infinitely more appealing to him. (Who could blame him lmfao)

Smth to note is how Green is kinda hesitant to fully wrap his arms around Dark Link until it truely sets in for him that Dark truly is just a sad lonely individual who's in a lot of ways a fellow victim as well.

Dark being the one to push Green away, to reject the idea they'd just stay together is pretty telling.

He HAS to "Work"...If he doesn't...

The thought of Vaati dying is just, too distressing for Dark to even fully consider abandoning his mission to do something he'd personally like better.

I just, LOVE the dialogue in panel 3 here.

It's so blatantly ignorant in it's childishness but honest.

It's the kind of thing a child would say about their divorced parents or something lmfao.

Just a simple want without thinking of the greater picture that goes with things and WHY things are the way they are.

Dark Link just can't fathom why the people he loves have to hate each other so much. Why they can't just "get along".

Why he has to work at all.

It's just Dark being bluntly honest about how he feels about this entire situation.

Unlike Green, in the final panel Dark finally steels what little resolve he has and states "I don't wanna do anything either...but I have to"

Both are EXAUSTED and at their wits ends and that's smth I like to this dynamic.

If either were more set in fighting each other they'd both BE fighting. For all intensive purposes THEY SHOULD BE.

But because they're both so exhausted they're actually able to talk about how they feel.

Dark once again compares Zelda to Vaati.

In how his devotion is similar to Link's devotion to Zelda.

Protecting Vaati IS what is most important to him.

And he knows he's doing something wrong on SOME level because he apologizes to Green. His hat curled against him defensively.

Green is once again in panic mode since what little leverage he had is slipping through his grasp as Dark steels himself against Green's attempts at persuading him.

Also Green lmao Dark has big dick back pain disorder watch were you grab him-

But he does make a good point in his frantic pleads.

Protecting Vaati doesn't necessarily mean hurting them...

That was Dark's approach as a mindless curse...but now that he is a person with a sense of morality, a sense of heroics. Will he still abide by that strategy?

Green's frantic ramblings are just funny as hell but also his diplomacy should get a sticker or smth. Dude's fighting for his life rn. XD

Dark starts to crack under Green's onslaught of LOGIC.

Smth I like to add to that is how Dark's hair faded out of being green while he talked about his feelings before but switches BACK to being green as Green talks.

And then he rejects it to think for himself for a second to really ponder Green's words.

My favorite bit of his "STFU" dialogue is just to tell Green to "STOP MAKING SENSE!!!" which is so funny to me.

SO much about Dark's original purpose has been thrown out of whack due to the progression of things. Vaati's demands are rather nonsensical.

He comes to the realization that things HAVE changed and he needs to adapt accordingly.

To some extent: Dark is just COMPELLED to act heroic and he even considers himself failing in the regard that he's been NOT acting heroic lately.

The more Dark becomes sentient. The more he feels the need to act heroic. Which is curious.

Green's diplomacy worked Yippieeeee!

Also Dark's hair continues to be grey here which imo was always just to show these really were his own thoughts and he wasn't just mimicking Green.

Dark's willing to "Try" things Green's way.

Smth I like is his act of making a pinky promise with Green. Smth just so blatantly childish in it's innocence.

But Green's compelled to believe him due to just how dang excited the dude is to give it a try.

Lmfao. Him acknowledging up front he's not sure how well things will go is just extra "Dark trying to be honest" flare. Which I find fun. He's willing to try his best but won't lie and pretend it'll go perfectly. XD

Green framing Dark going to get Blue as "A mission" was simultaneously stupid as fuck but also smart idea. XD

He doesn't know where Blue ran off to...but DARK LINK DOES.

And Since Dark was going to speak to Blue anyway, might as well tell him to bring him home. XDD

On the other hand: Trusting Dark Link is probably a bad idea. XDDD

Green's gambling hard but doesn't have much of a choice.

Green adding on "I'm trusting you" while looking Dark in the eye is just the cherry on top.

MMMGH I wanna continue ranting but we reached the image limit.

[themoodyestj]

I'm actually friends with a married couple, they've been together for a while, and they are adorable. one time I heard her call him a retarded pig, and I thought "wow, rude" but, you know how he responded? he started making pig noises on her face, and she freaking melted at that. he jokingly calls her an evil dictator and whenever she asks his opinion he always replies first with "I don't know, you are the dictator here, tell me what to do" I've heard her say things to him that are way meaner than anything Danneel has ever said about Jensen, but whenever anyone points out to them that she's too mean to him, he's like " oh yeah she treats me like trash, please help me" in a melodramatic voice. please note that I'm talking about adults here, older than 30. point is some couples are like that but that doesn't mean they don't love each other and even if they are my friends, I'm not entitled to poke my nose onto their business.

Ok, first of all, if you're the same anon from before, thank you for reading my reply and for using critical thinking while interpreting it. It makes you a far smarter anon than the ones I have been talking to this week. It is actually a pleasure to talk to someone who actually tries to consider a different opinion even if they disagree. You have my full respect.

Also, thank you for your anecdote about your friends, it actually helps me make my point. People have weird dynamics, right? We can be easy on making a wrong judgement, and even though I have a very strong opinion about this, I don't assume I know everything. But let me show you why i feel your friend's case is actually different: one time I heard her call him a retarded pig, and I thought "wow, rude" but, you know how he responded? he started making pig noises on her face, and she freaking melted at that. he jokingly calls her an evil dictator Here's the difference between laughing at and laughing with: he clapped back. It's an established dynamic between them, they both give as good as it gets but they know what the other means. In J and D's case, it's only her doing the talking, and he's taking it. Most often than not, he's praising her, but im yet to hear her say something nice about Jensen. It's not balanced, it's not a game with the same rules for both. Even the setting is different: would your friend call her spouse a retarded pig in front of his boss, or in a setting where he needs to look professional and presentable? D does it in interviews, where Jensen is trying to establish his image. Of course couples will have a weird dynamic in more private environments. But when a spouse refuses to adapt to the environment for the couple's needs (because his needs are the couple's needs) and uses said environment as a platform for veiled verbal abuse as a way to become relevant... that screams disrespect. Especially because he's making the money to feed her children, but even if he wasn't. whenever she asks his opinion he always replies first with "I don't know, you are the dictator here, tell me what to do" She asked his opinion! She considered his feelings! J, at some point in time, expressed his wish to take a break and live a bit more with the kids. He even expressed his joy for simple things, like spreading peanut butter in his kids' toast. He was away for months on end while shooting, he wanted to enjoy his family, and what does she tell him (which the AAs surely supported): "Get a job." Never once he said (to my knowledge) that they sat and discussed things. She mocked him for wanting to stay at home, and told him to get a job, even though she has none. I bet even though your friend's husband calls her a dictator, he deep down knows that if he expressed his opinion, it would be considered. I know other couples have different dynamics, different love languages, and they may not all make sense to me, but there will always be something that tells me they're in love with each other.If it's not words, it's actions. It's a mutual touch. A mutual understanding with their eyes. Something that tells me wihout telling me they are in the same team. Something that needs no words, but it's still there. I'm yet to figure out what Danneel's love language is. I've never seen an ounce of love in her. Not even self love, to be honest.

[megyulmi]

Fushiguro Megumi, Shadow seen through the lens of Zen Buddhism:

[wherever there is light, there is shadow; wherever there is length, there is shortness; wherever there is white, there is black. just like these, as the self-nature of things can not exist alone, they are called non-substantial. - buddha]

➠ Megumi & the illusion of I and not I:

Within Zen philosophy, shadows are often interpreted as elements of mystery, the unknown, and impermanence, and represent the veiled aspects of existence that transcend human understanding. Much like impermanence, they are ever-shifting and constantly changing, mirroring the transient nature of life itself. At the same time, shadows are inseparable from light and their interplay reflects the interconnections and interdependencies of all things.

It is no different when it comes to a self. The shadow is not separate from a self, it is the very idea of a self.

It is important to note that Buddhism rejects the notion that the self is a permanently existing unchanging individual entity and sees the concept of self, ego, as a product of consciousness, which arises in a sentient being as part of the process of living i.e. consciousness itself is, at any moment in time, dependent on many things that are always changing, and consciousness itself is always changing, hence so too does the conceived self (when I use the term ‘self’ from here on, I am referring to the ‘conceived self’).

Another important thing to note is that Buddhism transcends dualistic concepts such as ‘Good vs. Evil’. It is the heart of Buddhism that Enlightenment sets one free from such false dichotomies, and from the cycle of suffering altogether.

However, when the Shadow, the unknown self, is not integrated into the self as a whole, one fails to recognise the non-dual nature of existence and may end up with a sense of ‘Goodness’ or ‘Rightness’. You separate the world as you separate the self, to attain gain from defining yourself and the world in a dualistic way. We see Megumi separate the world as such, the Good and the Bad or the Right and the Wrong. He integrates his entire sense of justice into the concept that helps him navigate the world in the most convenient way for him. He does not confront himself nor his ideals (although, he starts to, when he crosses paths with Yuuji, who does not truly fit his perceived idea of ‘Goodness’, but he justifies it, by laying the blame not only on Yuuji, but upon himself). Throughout the manga, it is clear that Megumi fears his Shadow (and the potential that lies in facing it), because he is afraid of what might peer back at him from the dark if he stands face to face with that part of his self (i.e. what if his perceived notions are wrong altogether).

However, what Megumi fails to recognise is that he loses his true sense of self by diving the world into ‘Good’ and ‘Bad’, and therefore, struggles to place himself in either of the categories. Tsumiki is good, so she must live a life free of suffering (or fairly). Yuuji is good, so he deserves to live. Where is Megumi’s place on that scale of ‘good’ and ‘bad’? He is not as good as his sister, he is not as kind as Yuuji, so of what value is his life? But on the other hand, he is not as bad as for example, Sukuna is, so his life cannot be completely worthless. Instead of seeing reality and accepting it for what it is, Megumi clings to his conceived idea of how the world (or people) is ‘supposed’ to be and it leaves him in a stalemate. He stays standing where he is, because he cannot imagine himself standing anywhere else.

In that same sense, he separates himself from his Shadow. For Megumi the Shadows are not a truly innate part of himself (an essence of being), but merely a Technique. A way for him to protect his perceived ‘Good/Right’ from ‘Bad/Wrong’ and because he cannot fit himself in either of the categories (not good enough or not bad enough), he cannot see himself as anything other than a tool. The world he has to navigate feeds onto his notions. In a way, Megumi has always been a tool, within the world of sorcery or outside of it, on an interpersonal level (but this depends on how one regards his relationships with Tsumiki and Gojo for example) and so, he continues to regard himself and his technique as such.

Megumi struggles to see beyond what is conscious, but the Shadow is what lies beyond his consciousness. Therefore, he has a hard time understanding himself and his technique on an innate level, because he can only see that which is conscious, the rest remains hidden in the Shadow, influencing his behaviour, creating reactive patterns within him, and distorting his perception of reality.

There is a concept called Non-dual Awareness in Buddhism, which refers to an awareness that transcends firm distinctions between oneself and the rest of existence. This is what we see Megumi struggle to cultivate throughout the manga when it comes to his technique (and sense of self). In a state of non-dual awareness, one understands that one is inseparable from the entire process of reality. Imagine you are standing in front of an ocean, looking at a single wave, is the wave still an ocean? The wave may have its own distinct properties, but it is also still clearly the ocean, i.e. it is both itself and the ocean at the same time. Such is the case with human beings. We are our individual selves, but we are also continuous with the particles that constitute everything in the known universe. Undertanding such, Buddhists see that selves are fuzzy and cannot be neatly defined. There is no objective boundary at which I end and the rest of reality begins.

➠ liberation:

How can Megumi reconcile with his Shadow, that unknown self?

The process of liberation within Buddhism is largely a process of gradually embodying the truths of non-duality and no-self, while learning to let go of your individual preferences, desires, expectations, and attachments. Through this process, we come to participate more fully and compassionately in our world, let go of fear, and accept the endless ebb and flow of all things. We resist nothing.

The way to liberation is to become an observer, a witness of your own mind. For Megumi to embrace his ‘full self’, he must embrace the impermanence of life (and therefore, self). And I believe where Akutami is leading him through all his suffering is that path of awakening, where Megumi is the Shadows and the Shadows are him.

To be continued...

[Disclaimer: This is only a personal opinion as just another reader. Additionally, English is not my native language and I have never read JJK in English, so certain terminologies I use may not be the correct equivalent of the English language.]

[indigitalembrace]

hi hello! i may have spent the last.. uh... 3ish hours? reading through everything on this blog. i think it may have been more i did not think to record when i first started. the wonders of hyperfixation.

anyways this was absolutely an entertaining read. like genuinely. i had so much fun. i loved the integration of codes and cyphers. the brief period of time where kinito was having a touching moment with the anons while sonny and o started beefing in the notes (which was fucking hilarious by the way i loved that). the developing plotlines. the anons and their character development. honestly this is why i love going through tumblr askblogs because you could not get this sort of experience on any other website- its a very unique experience that this format brings to the table. its a very malleable form of roleplay, imo- removing the barriers of actually needing to know the other people personally like rp nowadays seems to be so dependent on, through the anon feature. harkening back to the olden days of rp where all you needed to do was jump into a random forum and start typing... theres also the sense of unpredictability that keeps things fresh- not even the blog owner will know exactly how the story will go, bc there will always be curveballs! its why i love reading tumblr askblogs in general. i dont know exactly how many of the storybeats here were spawned by these curveballs, but me saying that is definitely a good thing! bc that means you guys were able to integrate them into the story pretty seamlessly :)

oh another thing that i love is how kinito is actively making people worse, but not out of actual malice, instead in the 'toxic co-dependent' way, with the anons willingness to disregard their own health for him also feeding into that heavily. i feel like ive seen a lot of interpretations of kinitos relationship with the player that swing too far into either direction- either to '100% irredeemable evil' or 'he would treat me right if given the chance :((('- so its refreshing to see a sort of 'oh this relationship is making both parties worse not out of their own free will' interpretation, like how i personally think it would go. a grey area, perhaps.

like, obviously kinito wants to be better. he wants to be the perfect friend, and i believe he wants to genuinely grow as a person, but he hasnt fully... grown out of those parasocial/harmful tendencies yet. he still believes hes in the right for acting on those tendencies in some aspects, too. however, the anons arent putting up proper boundaries- they're letting kinito fully consume their lives, disregarding their health to focus solely on his cause. while yes, this is probably influenced by kinitos harmful tendencies (specifically his outbursts caused by when he thinks those anons are betraying his trust in some way), one of the first steps in fixing a toxic relationship like this is to establish boundaries- to show them when they're overstepping. this constant walking over of the anons by kinito (while not on purpose) doesnt actually help the relationship in the long run, and most likely just makes it even worse. this then, in turn, makes kinito worse- either through making that co-dependency worse as mentioned b4, or making kinito feel like hes the problem and why their lives are going to shit (which is.... technically correct, in some roundabout way. no offense kinito <3). then the anons try to reason with him, which makes them spend even more time neglecting their health to help him... so on and so forth, the ouroboros eats its own tail, etc etc.

what im saying is that literally everyone here (IN UNIVERSE) needs to go to fucking therapy jesus christ. except like.. O. funnily enough. they're just chilling at this point. good for them. please take this as the highest compliment you could ever receive because i mean it. i love when everything gets worse and all goes to shit!!!!!!!! its so fun and enriching from a story standpoint!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

if my analysis here is like. incomprehensible or completely off the mark then dont mind me </3 it is straight up 2:58 AM At Night where i am so im. not fully 100% here right now lol. also sorry if its weird to put a whole ass essay unprompted into your askbox like this but WHATEVER. i like talking about/dissecting things i enjoy :) and i hope you enjoy hearing about it.

in conclusion good fucking story so far, love the characterization all around, cant wait to see how it all gets even worse from here!!!!!!! keep doing what you guys are doing 👍

OH MY GOSH HELLO SURPRISE LOVELY ESSAY?? <33

THANK YOU SO MUCH!! First off I'm very glad you're having fun!! Awwhh there's so much niceness in here omg,,

YOU'RE SPOT ON WITH YOUR ANALYSIS YES!! I've always viewed him and his relationships with users as that toxic codependent type where Neither of them are good for each other at all... like sure with a lot. A Lot of time and healing and therapy he could be healthy but as it is? Hell no. Nobody here is okay at all. O really is probably the healthiest and even then, they've just accepted they're in their weird limbo-state and they're never coming back. It's... not exactly an ideal situation still!!

Kinito does want to get better, but every attempt in the past to "correct" him always involved some sort of attack on him, his friends reacting in fear/anger, etc. - he genuinely does not understand how to have a healthy relationship and no one has really taught him, and any attempt to try now will... not be received very well. He wants his friends to stay no matter the cost, because it's okay! He'll just show them how perfect he can be! Please, just stay!

And all the anons here... well... I think Black Heart is a pretty good example of everything you described. Theirs is probably just the most obvious deterioration right now (besides Goblin's death, which... was the other side of the coin; sacrificing too much to STOP kinito instead of to work with him). Shrimp's loving their digital life, so they're not a good example of "hey, Nito, don't drag people in!" either.

It's just a very big mess all around...

Very glad you love it, THANK YOU SO MUCH for this essay omg <33 PLEASE DO GET SOME REST THOUGH!!

[linkspooky]

Hi! I saw your tags about Tara in Teen Titans comics--I'm only familiar with the cartoon series. How do your feelings about Tara compare in the show vs. the comics? I ask since I noticed you mentioned that Tara never really cared about BB, which I think is obviously changed in the show, and I wonder how you feel about that.

They're both good? They're both good! I think one thing people forget about comic book characters vs. adaptations of comic book characters, is that comic books were always intended to be a collaborative medium that builds on itself through the work of multiple authors and interpretations. Thus, you can have multiple versions of the same character who have the same core but don't really have to be exactly the same. This is why it is kind of silly when people get upset animated adaptations make changes from the original source material because that's kind of the point, in a collaborative medium, you're going to get another author's take on the same character.

Since you asked I can give you an analysis on the core ideas of Teen Cartoon Terra vs. Comics Terra, and also her relationship with Beast Boy in both versions.

1. GWEN STACY

So, I once talked about how Terra was always intended by her creators to die, but that's not necessarily offensive or fridging her character because Terra's still a character with a lot of narrative agency. Terra is the main character of her story, it's just her story happens to be a tragedy. That is true for both versions.

Before the start of the story her fate is sealed. This is what you call doomed by the narrative. George Wolfram and Glen Murakami have both given interviews explaining as such. Albeit, for different reasons.

Comics Terra was essentially made to deconstruct a lot of comic book tropes. I lovingly call her "Asshole Kitty Pryde." From conception she was going to be the spunky new kid with mutant powers who joined the titans at fifteen and immediately became friends with everyone... except she was evil all along.

George’s strength was he also understood the characters 100 percent as I did so there was never any question. He knew. We had talked enough about the characters to know we were exactly on the same page with them. So I said, “Everyone keeps complaining that we’re like the X-Men” and the X-Men had just gotten Kitty Pryde. I said, “Why don’t we really screw around with them completely?” — this is the fans — “…and make them think we’re stealing Kitty Pryde only she’s gonna be bad from Day One.”

Of course this is where authorial intent differs from like, what actually ended up happening in the story. Worlfram's intent was to always make Terra have no reason for her actions, the tragic backstory she feeds the teen titans is kind of embellished and made up, she decided to become a mercenary all on her own, she wants to work with Slade and is even trying to seduce him. However, Terra still comes off as horribly tragic despite their intentions and other authors have since then picked up on their subtext.

Like, I genuienly think the intention was to just write her as pure evil, but instead what they got was writing her as a bad victim. That is, the kind of victim that presents incredibly unsavory and unlikable reactions to their abuse instead of either being kinder than their abusers, remaining pure and chaste like Cinderella or just waiting to be saved. Terra's not a passive victim nor is she waiting for sympathy, she hurts people the way she has been hurt, she maipulates the way she has been manipulated. Terra's been beaten down and now her goal is to come out on top. I believe the reason why she came out this way has a lot to do with Perez and Wolfram sticking to their guns and never giving her a redemption arc.

The very first time we see her, she’s trying to blow up the Statue of Liberty. It’s just that all the fans assumed because we went out of our way to make her cute — but not too cute, with the buck teeth and everything — everyone would assume that she was gonna become good by the end and that was never the case.

First thing, we made a promise that day that we would never renege on our view that she’d never become good. It’s sometimes hard to do that with characters you like. You want them to become good or something like that. But we never liked the character enough—because we knew what we were doing with her—we never allowed ourselves to fall for the character. Because that’s bad. That’s bad storytelling. You’re doing what you want as a fan at that particular point, not as the creators. The fans had to accept what we were doing and not do the same stories that they had read 14,000 times before. You know, at Marvel, Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch were villains who became good guys and I could go through a whole list of ’em.

Their commitment to the bit meant that Terra’s story became what was essentially Greek tragedy at that point. Terra was always fall and because of that, Wolfram and Perez dedicate a lot of time in the story showing the audience exactly what all of her flaws are and why those flaws are the reason for that fall. They committed to their creative decisions when writing this character, which is why Terra ends up being such a strong character, especially for the time. Of course there were female villains, but they weren’t really allowed to be complex victims to the degree that Terra is, have her entire range of negative traits, have her flaws fully on display and then still have it be a tragic ending when she does not get saved. 

Gwen Stacy was always going to die, and Terra was never going to be redeemed. I do not believe either of those cases are fridging because sometimes characters die in fiction, and sometimes they contribute more ot the story dead than they do alive. Terra’s the first real loss for the Teen Titans, it also came on the cusp of a time in DC where teenage superheroes and sidekicks started to die (Cough, Cough, Jason Todd). Under the Red Hood and Judas Contract are such effective and lasting comic book storylines because they are such tightly written tragedies  yes... both of them depict a bad victim who does not get saved (even though that is the whole point of both arcs). 

Terra is in fact, probably more comparable to Under the Red Hood Jason than she is Gwen Stacy because she is number one a teenager with problems who probably should not have been made a superhero in the first place, and two a trauma victim who copes by manipulation and violence to try to reclaim control of their lives. But, to bring the Gwen Stacy comparison back. Gwen Stacy was always going to die, Terra was always going to die, but unlike Gwen Stacy Terra is not anyone’s love interest she is the protagonist. Peter Parker fails to save Gwen because the Green Goblin attacked her, she was killed to hurt Peter Parker. Terra pulls the arena down on herself and buries herself alive in Samson and Delilah-esque fashion at the end of her own personal tragic arc. 

To get to the real differences between the two characters though, characterization wise, I think both versions start with the same central concept, this is a troubled teenager who should never have been made a hero. 

Terra is a deeply troubled teen, however the way she copes in both versions are wildly different, almost opposite. I like to say cartoon Terra has like, at any moment five different personalities, while comics Terra has no personality. 

2. Runaway Girl

To elaborate on this, cartoon Terra’s entire character revolves around how unstable her sense of self is, due to never having any stability in her life. The cartoon is actually very purposeful in showing in both imagery and metaphor Terra’s splintered sense of self. The first few lines of dialogue introducing her are this. 

“She’s not in trouble, she was leading it into a trap.”  “Question is, who is she?” Slade: “Don’t get too attached my young friend, I saw her first.” 

Said by the Titans and then Slade. Even in the first lines introducing her, not only is the question of who she is asked, but Slade immediately tries to claim her from the titans. Later on in the show, the way Terra acts around the Teen Titans as a group, the way Terra acts when she is with Slade, the way Terra acts when alone with Beast Boy, the way Terra acts when alone with Raven are all wildly different versions of herself, to the point where it’s hard to believe she’s the same girl sometimes. 

This is even apparent in the first episode before Slade even gets to her. Terra insists that she enjoys sleeping outside, she enjoys running from place to place, she doesn’t really want a place to stay for the night, she’s presenting herself as some sort of self-reliant and worldly traveler instead of what she really is, a homeless runaway kid. Terra is attempting to appear calm, cool, and responsible and she is absolutely none of these things, and she’s pretty transparent about it too. She cool girls herself so people will like her. The second she is alone in Beast Boy and loses control of her powers for 30 seconds, she immediately crashes, starts berating herself and her self esteem sinks to the bottom of the ocean. 

Trust, is something constantly brought up again and again with Terra’s character though I would say Terra despite literally being the main character of an arc called the Judas Contract, despite betrayal being the one thing she is known for... always sees herself as getting betrayed first. Which is why she overreacts to the perception that Beast Boy broke a promise to keep her powers safe in the first episode. Terra doesn’t trust people at all. Though, to trust people and form healthy relationships with them, you actually have to be a fully developed and well-rounded person which Terra is not. Terra is basically a foster kid who has been through several families before this, waiting for her current one to dump her. She has interanlized the idea that there is something wrong with her that makes this rejection happen, but she doesn’t know how to fix it, or how to be better the kind of person that can have those healthy friendships so she dedicates herself into hiding those flaws instead. 

Terra: You don’t belong with the Titans. Terra: You don’t know anything about you. Slade: On the contrary Terra, I know everything about you. I’ve been watching you for some time. I know why you’re always running away. I know your secret, little girl.

This is also why she runs from the Titans to Slade. It’s a question I see commonly asked about cartoon Terra, if she’s meant to be more sympathetic than comic books Terra why does she willingly go to Slade instead of staying with the Titans? Which is a silly question, because you might as well be asking why do grooming victims get groomed? Why don’t they just know that groomers are bad people?

Teenagers are not grownups. Especially not Terra, a bastard child rejected by her parents who has been on the run for however many years. Terra is a teenager and a severely underdeveloped teenager at that, and she has learned to survive on the streets yes, but that’s not really the same as learning to be a functional person, who can have healthy relationships with people, and control their emotions. Children actually require parents to nurture and teach them and raise them up to be more functional adults, and they also require the stability adults in their lives provide them. 

Terra goes to Slade because he is an adult who is promising to be there for her, and give her control and stability which are things adults in her life have failed to give her. She can’t trust the Titans to give her these things because they are children one as Slade needles her into believing they cannot understand or help her, and two the way Terra has lived her life up to this point a transactional relationship with Slade makes more sense to her head than the found family the Teen Titans have based on love and trust because Terra is a stranger to both of those concepts. 

Terra is also someone who has little control over her life in general, which is why cartoon Terra is so passive in comparison to comic book Terra. In the episode Betrayal itself, Terra keeps her foot in the door about the actual betrayal the whole way, and seems to change her mind on what she wants several time. Because Terra has five different personalities. Ginger Terra, Sporty Terra, Posh Terra, Scary Terra, and Baby Terra. Terra doesn't have a cohesive sense of self so she's entirely reactive, she just does what she thinks will keep her safe in the moment. Terra wants safety and control of her powers so she goes to Slade. Terra feels guilty about what she does for the Titans so she tries to run away from Slade for the moment. Beast Boy asks her out on a date, but because Terra's betraying the Titans that night Terra says no. Five minutes later, Terra says yes. She is constantly changing her mind and contradicting herself like this.

Which is where we get to the greatest contradiction this episode, Terra betrays the titans and clearly feels guilty about it,b ut instead of say telling the Titans what she did or coming clean she just runs away. Which is where we get to the extremely subtle imagery of Terra in a house of mirrors.

Terra can't face her reflection over and over again, because she can't face herself, because she has no sense of self. She doesn't know why she does these things, but she's done them now, and she's stuck with those choices.

Terra: Beast Boy, I'm so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. Beast Boy: Then why did you let it? Terra: I don't know okay, I don't know. Slade he helped me. He saved me from myself. He said I owed him. Beast Boy: So, it was all just a game. You were just pretending. Terra: No. You said you'd be my friend no matter what, remember?

This is also Terra's most honest display of remorse, and the exact moment Terra gets rejected, crying and begging for forgiveness for what she's done and after that is the point where she goes full villain. Terra goes from baby Terra, to Scary Terra. A lot of who cartoon Terra is born from fear of moments like this where she is rejected. Terra was the one who tricked Beast Boy and Beast Boy is rightfully upset of course, but in Terra's mind only able to see her own hurt feelings Beast Boy is the one who broke the promise to her. Terra internalizes the fact she cannot be forgiven at that point and seeing no other recourse goes full villain and insists she feels no guilt, she wanted to destroy the titans to begin with, it was all a lie. The complete inversion of how she acted in the betrayal episode. Terra is manipulative, spiteful, hungry for power and yes she's capable of being all of those things but one important thing is.

The second, the second Slade starts mistreating her and beating her Terra immediately wants out. It turns out it's not power or control Terra wanted at all with Slade, but the idea of safety he provided her. The moment it becomes unsafe for her she tries to leave again, because Terra is a child desperately seeking safety in a world that feels unsafe for her, and she'll find it by crushing people she perceives to be a threat if she has to.

That is Terra in a nutshell, she doesn't feel safe anywhere, or with anybody. She has no stable foundation. She is the human embodiment of the tower card in Tarot. No matter how hard she tries to trust others and trust in return, because those are basic human urges we all have, she ends up falling down. It's interesting for a character who is so famous for betrayal, how much of her arc shows she clearly wants to be accepted and trusted by others, and gets hurt at the idea of their rejection. Even the day she literally betrayed Beast Boy before taking him out on a date she asks him this.

Terra: Do you trust me? Beast Boy: More than anyone I've ever met.

I would say Terra's inability to trust doesn't come from the fact she's a bad person or a bad victim, but because she doesn't have the tools to form healthy relationships because of how seriously neglected a child she is. A part of the tragedy of Terra is because Terra cannot save herself, because she is a child. Just like how the Titans have such difficulty saving her, because they are children too and they're not really emotionally prepared to save a person as morally grey and as in need as Terra, and the only adult in the situation is Slade who is there to take advantage.

Transitioning too. Comics Terra, while cartoon Terra has too much personality, Comics Terra has too little. She was written to be a sociopath, and that's not really my term that's how the writers describe her though I can dig up evidence she shows clear signs of being capable of having attachment to people. I'd say rather than a sociopath she's more written as an enigma. Terra's motives are spurious, her actions are inconsistent, she seems to be driven by spite. She is an incredibly angry kid with a chip on her shoulder who seems to be capable of anything.

Cartoon Terra is trying to play along with other peopel's expectations to her, while comics Terra rejects everyone's expectations. She loathes cute teenage girl superheroes. She finds dressing up in costumes and fighting crime to be ridiculous in the first place. Though, I would say despite saying she clearly hates the titans, literally the next panel she displays some affection for Kid Flash.

Comics Terra isn't completely unfeeling, she's capable of forming connections to people, she has a fondness for Geo-Force her brother, Kid Flash, and sort of for Beast Boy she just never fully forms relationships with them.

Terra's not really even maintaining much of a cover with the Titans, because both with Slade and the Titans she is a rude, belligerent raunchy kid who is trying to constantly get into other people's faces. Terra is all of those things, she just when she is alone with Slade also pretends she is an adult, in an adult relationship with him. (Cough, cough, grooming victim. A victim of sexual grooming in this sense too).

Terra's written to be a sociopath yeah, or at least her writers tried too but I'd say she's more a character who the audience has little to no idea what is going on in her head. A lot of her is left ambiguous. Considering her backstory though, the rejected bastard of a king, someone who is working as a mercenary at fifteen, she clearly has not had a good life. Just like cartoon Terra she is lacking a sense of self.

However, instead of eschewing her agency, Terra takes her agency from other people. Cartoon Terra is good at manipulating when she wants to be, but Comics Terra sees the world in terms of every relatonship is transactional and based on manipulation, the world is winners and losers, the world is about who is on top and who is on the bottom. Terra lacks no real goal, or purpose, no friend, no home no loved ones she really only wants to crawl up on top of others if she has to.

Which is exactly why she gets into a relationship with Slade. Comics Terra seems to think her and Slade are equals, and that she is manipulating and using him as much as he is using her. The tragedy in this case arises from the fact that you know, Terra is a fifteen year old girl and Slade is three times her age.

There's an entire chapter where we follow around Terra montiofring people with contacts, and she's going about the titans daily lives just, telling Slade how much she hates them the whole time, but then she stops to ask Garfield why he's constantly being rude to other people and seems genuinely interested in listening to him talk about his feelings.

Terra's only out for herself, she is out to define herself and not let anyone else tell her who she is and who she should be. Terra's selfishness makes sense though considering the situation she is, she's either made to feel nothing like how she was with her family, or she is being sexually groomed by a guy three times her age. Her response to that, her extreme self interest and only caring about her own survival really is her way of fighting back against a world that she sees as trying to wear her down.

And that's a key part of her character Terra is a grooming victim who is also a bad victim. She's being groomed and her way of reclaiming her agency is to insist she wants sex, she wants to hurt people, that actually she's the one manipulating Slade. It's all Terra trying to assert control in a situation where she has none. I don't know if you know this, but a fifteen year old can't manipulate a guy in his fifties who has been doing this for years. Terra also, projects a lot of her hate for her situation and her lot at life at the Titans.

They did not do anything wrong to her, but at the same time she's pretty cosntantly unhappy with them, she complains none of them like her, she complains about their lack of trust, I believe that's less Terra trying to infiltrate them and more Terra herself either believing she cannot fit in anyhwere or as a person who only believes in transactional relationships and manipulation just not understanding how family works.

Terra also acts like dangerously unstable at all times, there's a point in the comics where Beast Boy gets way too aggressive with his flriting, that he full on triggers what resembles a PTSD response in her and she tries to bury him alive.

At times like this when Terra is made to feel she's either not the one with the power here, or being looked down upon she asserts herself with violence to desperately try to regain control. It is not healthy by any means, but it is still the behavior of someone who is coping incredibly poorly. Terra relies on fear and control to make herself feel safe at times like this, because she's not been shown love early on in her life and by this point she genuinely does not understand it. And also I cannot emphasize this enough as a victim of sexual grooming, Terra is pretty much not ever safe, or in a situation where she has bodily agency or control.

Terra in the cartoon dies in a heroic sacrifice, whereas Terra in the comics dies because she loses control of her power and essentially suicides. If anything the tragedy here is that Terra is someone who never learned to be a girl properly, nor was she appreciated as a human being and because of that she formed her entire sense of self around her powers. She is a child, and never having been allowed to be one, and not knowing how to live in this world, form relationships with people, trust and be trusted she dies as a child. Terra once again has nothing solid to build herself on, and because of that the tower falls down.

3. Terra and Beast Boy

In the cartoon Terra and Beast Boy are clearly meant to be in a relatoinship, in the comics Terra claims to have hated him all along, but arguably she could have been fond of him.

In both versions the relationship is entirely wrong headed from the start. A lot of it has to do with Beast Boy's flaws as a character. I wrote on and on how immature of an individual Terra is, and Beast Boy as the youngest on the team shares many of those immature and selfish traits. IN the comic itself that seems to be the reason why Beast Boy and Terra are paired together, they are the closest in age, she is the new girl and the trope Terra is made to deconstruct is the cute comic book love interest.

Comic book Garfield is almost more immature than cartoon Garfield, and on top of that is a full blown male chauvinist. A lot of people do not like Wolfram/Perez Beast Boy, I kind of love him because he doesn't understand woman's boundaries and thinks he desperately needs to get into a relationship and makes them uncomfortable because he sees his flriting as harmless to them... you know like a teenage boy. Unlike most characters like this that appear in media, this quality of Beast Boy's is something that gets called out on all the time.

Terra and Beast Boy do have something in common in that they are both outsiders to the group, they are the youngest so no one takes them seriously, they are almost always stuck together, there's a scene where they're both getting tutored by a tutor Garfield's rich father hired and they're both such ADD kids no one wants to be there. She does have at least one genuine moment of connection like this one.

Their immaturity is what makes them the most similiar, but they go about the inferiority they feel towards other people in opposite ways, Terra sets out to try to prove that she is better than other people by asserting herself, while Beast Boy tries to bend over backwards to win their love.

Terra sympathizes with Beast Boy because they share the same root cause of the issue, but they cope in opposite ways and because of that she looks down on him as just another kid. Which is something Terra is desperately trying to prove she is not. Terra genuinely does go out of her way to kiss him which shows this conversation at least affected her, she has moments of being genuine around Beast Boy, but I think this and every version of Beast Boy is too immature to ever reach her. Because to return to the male chauvinist aspect of Beast Boy's character, not long after this scene he full on triggers Terra by coming on way too hard to her.

Beast Boy wants a girlfriend, to validate his feelings, to make him feel special when he feels like he is the only kid, and the one most often left behind in a group of adults. He tries to make Terra into his love interest and Terra does not want to play that role at all. There are moments where Terra is genuine with Beast Boy, and he might have been able to reach her, but Beast Boy is so obssessed with the image of Terra he has built in his head and the idea of having her he's never able to even come close to her.

Beast Boy cannot understand Terra with any sort of nuance whatsoever, because she's a woman who doesn't really want to play along with any image of her in his mind.

Their cartoon relationship is much less destructive, but really suffers from the same fundamental problem. Both the episode "Terra" and the episode "Betrayal" feature Beast Boy trying to make Terra a promise that he cannot keep. The first time he promises to keep her powers a secret, he actually keeps that one but the perception that he's betrayed her is what makes Terra run. The second time Beast Boy promises to accept her no matter what she does, only to reject her when she is openly weeping and apologizing at his feet out of remorse.

Like, if you wanted to save Terra. To convince her to turn back to the side of good there was never a time more ideal than that but Beast Boy spits in her face. Because while he's a hero he's also a fifteen year old boy feeling hurt and betrayed. This is Beast Boy's Orpheus turning back to look at Eurydice moment.

Terra: Beast Boy, I'm so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. Beast Boy: Then why did you let it? Terra: I don't know okay, I don't know. Slade he helped me. He saved me from myself. He said I owed him. Beast Boy: So, it was all just a game. You were just pretending. Terra: No. You said you'd be my friend no matter what, remember? Beast Boy: Slade was right, you don't have any friends.

Beast Boy's attraction to Terra is sort of instant and a kiddie crush, but any relationship they might have had is broken by the time Terra runs away at the end of their first episode together. Afterwards Terra has already betrayed the Titans, and Beast Boy is clinging to the girl Terra appeared to be the first time they met.

Beast Boy doesn't really fully comprehend Terra, which is why the literal last episode of the series is Beast Boy stalking Terra all day long and insisting that he knows her best, and he knows certain things about her and acting confused when she tells him that she was never that way, she never liked sleeping outside, she wasn't the girl he thought she was.

I went to great length to show how Terra's emotional immaturity results in her constant flip-flopping and contradiction, but Beast Boy shows the exact same behavior. Beast Boy in the cartoon tries to play roles to Terra that he is not emotionally mature enough to play. While at the same time. The first is he tries to be the one protecting her, the one guaranteeing her stability. In the first episode he is the one who stays with Terra and calms her down after Slade triggers her into nearly causing an earthquake.

At the same time by the end of that episode he's unable to make Terra stay because she's so hurt at the idea he betrayed one secret. Beast Boy is also the same person who one episode ago told Terra that she didn't have any friends to her face when she was crying and apologizing and just left her there, and the very next episode gets angry when the titans say Terra is irredeemable. Beast Boy that was you. You said that, to her face.

Beast Boy: Terra, you're our friend. Terra: I don't have any friends, remember?

Beast Boy wants to act like a hero saving Terra, but he's not that great of a hero, nor is he emotionally mature enough to do that. Which is why we get this behavior of Beast Boy, first reaching out to save her, and then resorting to victim blaming when he feels like he can't save her. He jumps between I am Terra's best friend, I know she was there all along, to just Terra doesn't have any friends. Terra you wanted to do these things, it was your choice. There's no consistency in Beast Boy's actions, because Beast Boy doesn't really know what to do he is vulnerable and desperate, because a person who he cares about has hurt him, and is also hurting.

Beast Boy is once again trying to put Terra into a simple and easy to understand box. He is acting like the hero of the story, and she flips between his villain and his love interest when that's not the case. Terra's more focused on Terra herself, she cares about Beast Boy but she's also just trying to survive. Beast Boy is a little bit too focused on his relationship with Terra, and like the validation he wants to get from her that he can't look at Terra as a whole person, or realize from an outsider's perspective she's a kid in dire need of saving. Well he does at times, but like I said he flips between advocating for never giving up on her, and victim blaming her because Terra is not easy to understand and he cannot make up his mind.

Terra is the main character of her own story and Beast Boy doesn't know how to comprehend her that way, or set himself aside to look at things from Terra's perspective because he's fifteen and stuck inside his own head with all those adolescent feelings and hormones.

In both versions, I think Beast Boy mistakes what could have been a strong friendship for romance because he is obsessed with getting into a relationship without really understanding what that entails. Beast Boy not being a good boyfriend at fifteen is actually perfectly understandable, the whole tragedy of the Judas Contract in general is that just like Terra is too immature to save herself from her situation, the Titans also just being kids are too young to save her.

They also both try to jump into a relationship without building a solid friendship first, because they both need love and stability and have no idea how relationships are supposed to work. It's like they both fell in love with the people they were when they first met and the relationship never evolved. They are similar and there is a connection, but rather than the things they have in common bringing them together, it drives them apart.

[razzberrydazz]

Me, realizing one of the many reasons I like Shadowheart and Astarion so much is because they read as having BPD to me, because I am a person with BPD and I project myself the hardest on characters I see myself in. It's MY comfort characters and I'll project on them however much I want 🤡😈

So I broke down the base criteria of BPD symptoms (you only need to tick 5 of the 9 criteria to be able to be diagnosed with BPD) and how both Shadowheart and Astarion can be interpreted as having and expressing the various behavioral criteria.

The main criteria: Fear of Abandonment, Self-Harm and/or Suicidal Thoughts, Chronic feelings of Emptiness and Dissociation, Unstable Self-image and sense of identity, history of unstable relationships, impulsive and self-sabotaging behavior, mood swings, extreme anger, Paranoia and disconnect from reality. It's not explicitly a criteria, but it's incredibly common if not a prerequisite that people with BPD have prolonged past trauma that caused them to have these maladaptive behaviors.

Both Astarion and Shadowheart have the traumatized unstable past to explain their behaviors (Shadowheart DEFINITELY has SEVERE childhood trauma since she got kidnapped and forced into a horribly abusive and manipulative cult, while Astarion has the trauma from Cazador's centuries of abuse and manipulation)

Both of them have SEVERE trust issues (Shadowheart from being in a cult as well as her attempts to pit Tav against Lae'Zel because she's distrustful of her {she has good reason to be when she's carrying a Gith artifact, as well as the Githyanki's long history of brutality and oppressive regimes}, Astarion from being so severely abused by Cazador despite his attempts to please the vampire lord, both of them can latch onto Tav and trust Tav entirely too Much once they're shown a shred of decency)

Both have Extreme fear of abandonment that they deal with in different ways (Shadowheart avoids abandonment by generally pushing people away and keeping them at arm's length so she can't grow attached especially if she stays Sharran, then latches onto the player far more than she should if no longer Sharran because Tav is her last tether of trust and warmth; Astarion avoids abandonment by trying to seduce you and get in your good graces as quickly as possible)

Both have unstable self-image and identity (Astarion doesn't even remember his own face before turning into a vampire, Shadowheart has to double down and recite the Sharran dogma to herself near constantly because she is unsure of her faith and by act 2/3 has QUITE an existential crisis on her relationship with Shar and Selune and cuts her bangs and even dyes her hair if no longer Sharran)

Both have a history of unstable relationships (Shadowheart can't even remember most of her possible past relationships due to the memory wipes, the main relationship she does remember is that of her with her cruel capricious goddess Shar, and if you go Selune route in Shadowheart's personal quest she will latch onto Tav and ask them to be with her forever with the clear implication that she's afraid Tav will leave her; Astarion hadn't been able to maintain a single good relationship in his entire time under Cazador because he had to lure his lovers to his master)

Both have impulsive and self-sabotaging behaviors ESPECIALLY Astarion imo (Astarion's perceived initial hypersexuality and inability to say no to sexual intimacy for most of the game, his want to do the ritual which overall has a far worse outcome for himself and others, his attempt to feed from Tav without their consent and possibly kill them in the process, his approval and encouragement of evil actions that reinforce that Tav is not trustworthy; Shadowheart's attempt to kill Lae'Zel by holding a dagger to her throat while she slept was definitely an impulsive act, and if she throws away the spear of night in act 2 that was Definitely done by impulse and not of active thought, and her cutting and dying her hair was most definitely done on impulse imo)

Both appear to have chronic feelings of emptiness and dissociation (Astarion largely because of the chronic vampiric gnawing hunger as well as him appearing to dissociate during some sex scenes, Shadowheart feeling emptiness largely due to the loss of her memory and mind as well as her dissociating via prayer because Sharrans try to empty themselves of all emotion to feel the emptiness and loss that Shar upholds)

Both of them have appear to have varying anger issues (not as much as other characters at times, as both Karlach and Lae'Zel DEFINITELY have worse anger issues at first glance if you ask me) and different ways they deal with it (Astarion is quite murder happy about it, such as when he can kill the Gur bounty hunter without caring for Tav's input, and Shadowheart's anger and resentment towards Lae'Zel and Selunites causes her to verbally lash out at any mention of Selune while at one point physically threatening Lae'Zel with her dagger and possibly killing her if Tav doesn't intervene or eggs her on, though I think most of Shadowheart's anger is turned inward and turned into her mentally anguishing that she's not a good enough devotee to her goddess)

Both have Extreme paranoia and suspicion of others (Shadowheart is distrustful of others by default and is especially paranoid about Lae'Zel due to her being Gith, Astarion is paranoid of being taken back to Cazador and holds Tav at knifepoint at first accusing them of being the one that kidnapped him before Tav assuages his fears)

Of the BPD criteria, I'd say outright Self-Harm and Suicidal Ideation shows up in both Shart and Astarion the Least (Gale has EVERYONE beat in the suicidality department); they both most definitely want to live, though they both still do Self-Harm usually through their self-sabotaging actions. I wouldn't count Shadowheart's stigmata hand wound as Self-Harm since it was Shar that inflicted that on her and not Shadowheart inflicting it on herself. If anything, it could be argued that Shadowheart purposely doing things she knows Shar would dislike in order to activate the wound is some form of self harm possibly? Shar is her abuser so I still am firm that her wound is not Shadowheart harming herself even if she knowingly does things to activate it because it is the fault of her abuser for hurting her.

As for extreme mood swings, often times those can be pretty well concealed and be mostly internal instead of external if someone is good enough at masking their emotions. Of the party members, Shadowheart and Astarion and Gale mask their emotions the most. Karlach has pretty outward mood swings, she's very expressive, while both Shadowheart and Astarion (and Gale) are typically pretty withdrawn and wear a mask of false smiles. Shadowheart definitely seems to be chronically depressed or otherwise ruminating and not having a good time mentally. If she has mood swings they are likely turned inwards and not outwards. She does have outbursts of anger and panic indicative of rapid mood swings at times, however. Astarion's dramatic catty antics could be read as mood swings judging how he reacts to Tav's various actions. Both he and Shart are very catty.

Overall, both Shadowheart and Astarion can be read as having enough matching behaviors to the BPD criteria for me to confidently say they're coded to have BPD, even if it's not explicitly stated as such.

Sidenote, sometimes people with BPD can experience minor hallucinations especially auditory hallucinations, and Shadowheart most Definitely had auditory hallucinations of Shar judging and shaming her if you ask me. It could have actually been Shar in her head yes, but it could also just as easily have been Shadowheart's own mind tormenting her.

BPD can also possibly predispose people towards Psychosis, black and white thinking, and delusions, though it's not a definite. Astarion's obsession with completing the ritual insisting it will protect him for good could be seen as a possible delusion of grandeur. Shadowheart definitely has black-and-white dogmatic thinking while under Shar's thumb. They need so much healing.

All of this is my interpretation to support my headcanons of course, these also enable my shameless projecting on these two catty characters. I'm a borderline bitch and if I can't get a stable personality myself, store bought is fine!

A lot of stuff is speculative and that's fine with me.

[dearmahiru-archive]

"how can you support mahiru? her partner killed themselves because of her—"

kazui mukuhara your days are numbered

you know, when kazui's trial drops i expect the same vitriolic disgust for being the cause of his wife's suicide because i've never seen anyone bash him for it, much less claim he was an abuser (i'm sure he has been but it's likely not to degree of mahiru). that's because kazui isn't abusive, and claiming he isn't one doesn't mean erasing the strife hanako must've endured their relationship either.

Love + Fate = Crap Crush and bye Disgusting playing house + disguise + fake Devotion-love, lame, cheating Let's make it victim and assailant

mahiru and her boyfriend's relationship does not have to be strictly be abuser/victim because it's not. they are both bluebirds suffocating within a small birdcage, they are both feeding eachother cake, they are both riding the carousel, and they are both damaged within the forest. the only difference between them is that her boyfriend broke first.

"abusive" is a loaded term which implies mahiru had the intentions of hurting her boyfriend which we know isn't the case. out of two mvs not once is mahiru depicted knowingly harming her partner. if this was actually the case then all of their symbolism wouldn't paint them as equals and mahiru wouldn't say they have "matching pain."

We fought sometimes, I was happy to get hurt Let's have matching pain, this sickness is pretty bad

This is a claim of responsibility From the two of us with matching love Wanting to know everything about you, but wanting to die because it can't come true It's all because of love

acknowledging how mahiru also suffered doesn't mean shifting the blame onto her boyfriend either. it's shouldn't be a binary of "mahiru is an evil abusive stalker and her boyfriend's an innocent victim" or "mahiru did everything right and her boyfriend is the abusive one!"

Yamanaka: "This can be said about all of Milgram, but I want to make it so that your interpretation of it changes depending on your standpoint, thinking processes, and ways of life. I pay great attention to avoid writing the story in a way that depicts something as absolute good or absolute bad, or one thing is right and the other is wrong. I want the story to elicit a different opinion from you when you revisit it as you get older."

(sorry for stealing the quote from your recent post @honeyfizzly ily please forgive me)

just like kazui and hanako, mahiru and her boyfriend are just messy people who hurt one another. if you wish for mahiru to recieve a comeuppance for her actions then so be it but most of the reasons i've been given have a shaky foundation.

[luxury-nightmare]

Alright, so. I've got this Guy

It's name is June and it's this fourth-dimensional sort of creature that's entered the human world through some gaps. It has an uncanny look to it- the eyes are just slightly too big, the neutral smile always too calm, and the clothes it wears have an odd marbling that looks different each time anyone meets back up with him. Of course, this is a disguise. Not perfect, but it doesn't melt anyone's brain. It can ignore gravity (walking up walls at a 90° angle,) it has a brief sense of foresight, and is immune to psychic influence (significant because some people just Have Psychic Abilities in its story,) and it can leech strength off of people by touching them (this is how it primarily feeds.) (the third dimension also isn't treating it very well, being in the 'normal' world is kind of. it's like squeezed all its impossible limbs into a box and it can't stretch. it has eldritch shrimp posture it can't get out of)

(Thank you) from what you’ve told me, it’s seems that June here could work as the Luxentis of Stubbornness or obduracy. The resistance to Psychic abilities and the leeching strength off of other people could work towards this interpretation as that’s what stubbornness does. Grating the other persons will down until they share your view. As I am not sure if it is a villan, a hero, or an antihero in your lore, I gave it a Netural trait. Stubbornness can be used for good or evil, it is not an inherently binary trait. I imagine June would be favored by Zephyria (as much as anyone can be favored by her. She’s very standoffish) as it’s stubborn will would feed into her cancerous one.

Tell me how much I got right!

[denzartriste]

Actually explaining things in the animorph au because honestly i feel like anyone who does research about this stuff on their own would be confused and also im better than any wiki's /j

Fundy, Tommy, Tech, and Foolish all have the power to morph. Morphing in this context means someone who has been given the technology too absorbs an animals dna (by touching the animal. I say animal but it can be any species, including their own apparently??? Book 12 opened up so many possibilities im refusing to think about), they can then morph into that animal/species. They get the animal's brain and their own fighting for control - some brains are easier to control than others. For example, a lizard brain will see a spider and want to eat it. A bug brain will probably see a spider and want to avoid it, morphers work with the insticts or against them, depends on their goal. (also once they absorb dna they can morph at any time. They also have two hour period where they can be in it, if they dont change back before two hours they get stuck in their morph. Techno in the au panicked, tried to morph back to human, and got stuck in between boar and human.)

^ Fundy and Tommy are humans, so the way they got the technology to morph is harder to figure out than how Foolish, an Andalite, got it.

Speaking of Andalites! If you need a visual reference looking up "Elfangor animorphs" will give you it, but im more explaining what the hell Andalites are. They are a pretty 'advanced' species, with advanced technology and the technology to morph - That's there thing, morphing. Also they can always tell what time it is, which is neat. Character wise: They would rather be dead then captured, they highly hate the Yeerks, have sympathy for the Hork-Bajir, and also are a bit of bitches. Im right they are im not getting into it but holy hell they are - anyways other than that they are pretty similar to regular humans, oh but also! huge honour thing going on. If someone in their family dies or whatever because of someone, they have a duty to kill that person once they come of age. Also they have a rule of not sharing their tech with anyone (the human morphers- or animorphs- got their ability from someone who did not follow that rule.)

Next important animorph species to talk about, Hork-Bajir! That's what Sam is, but please dont use him as a refrence to what they look like lmao. This is also my interpretation of them physically, because i dont agree with the actual thing they look like: So many blades in their bodies. Arms? Yeah those have blades. Legs? Blades! I imagine it as being farming scyth looking, because they are a peacful species so thats my thought for why they have bodies that can easily be used as weapons. Also, they have some scales and coarse moss looking fur - moss part is not accurate to the books but you dont know that. Maybe it is. Also the hork-bajir as a species is fully controlled by yeerks. (Which is why a lot of people in my au think Sam is a controller)

Speaking of controllers! (im so good at segways) Controllers is a term for someone who is being controlled by a Yeerk. Phrased as [species] Controller. Example: Human Controller, Hork-Bajir Controller, Andalite Controller, ect

Yeerks are the evil guys tm. Little slugs that wrap around someone's brain to control them, when they control someone the person is also fully concious, able to communicate with the Yeerk, theoretically able to gain control back for a moment or two, and feel the Yeerk looking through their memories. On the flip side, the person can also look into the Yeerks memories. And Yeerks memories kinda become one with their hosts/part hosts. Very neat. One of their big weaknesses is needing to feed on gamma rays (what is that? could not tell you i forgot. They feed through it by swimming in a pool/pod thing though) once every three days. They have to leave their hosts to do that. They also have a hiercy of vissers - higher the number, the most important. Sub vissers are below vissers but again, higher the number the more important. They also have a concil but its not important honestly. Also, the reason they're taking over the galaxy is bc Andalites gave them some technology once (thats why they dont do that anymore)

Also im just gonna say real quick because i might make charlie this possibly: Gedds are the first species the Yeerks controlled, i dont know too much about them honestly.

I think that's it - currently Purpled and Charlie arent animorph aliens but again, charlie's up for change (Purpled isnt he's very perfect)

[ckret2]

Wait what's up with Dr. Horrible?? (I never watched it I just know of the song Brand New Day and that's it)

Okay so short plot summary: the main character is a mad scientist/aspiring supervillain who's presented as an earnest, nerdy, likable guy. We're intended to find him sympathetic; his villainous goals are comically cliché and he has some moral standards he sticks to, like we mainly see him commit property crimes but he refuses to kill people.

He has a crush on a very nice idealistic girl who wants to feed the homeless.

His nemesis is a smug handsome dudebro superhero whose collateral damage from his fights is arguably worse than what the villain himself would have done. The superhero ends up dating the idealistic girl after saving her from a near-death experience he himself caused by breaking the villain's machinery.

The superhero says some douchey misogynistic things about his new girlfriend to Dr. Horrible in private, so, naturally, he decides to compromise his values and murder the superhero. Through no fault of Dr. H's own (the narrative would like us to believe), the superhero makes the weapon malfunction in a way that, instead, kills the girl. Dr. H is broken-hearted and despondent but finally recognized by society as a true supervillain.

So, good nerd "villain" VS bad jock "hero" and the nice girl takes the douchebag with muscles.

This was several years before the "incel vs chad" meme took off—but it's hauntingly familiar in hindsight.

The thing is, even though the main character does have his "villain" moments, the way it's written makes it pretty clear the audience is supposed to be on his side. His evil is cartoonish and funny rather than things that actually tend to bother viewers, we're supposed to want to see him win over the girl and be mad that she went for the jock. Not only is HE your typical "nice guy (who isn't nice)" who doesn't understand why he skeeves out girls—but the STORY thinks he's genuinely a nice guy, too*.

(*This is the part that's controversial. Some people think "nah, Joss Whedon knew exactly what he was doing, we ARE supposed to recognize that he's really just a creep in defiance of how the narrative frames him, it's an unreliable narrator thing" and other people think "Joss really thinks Dr. Horrible is a tragic underdog who deserved to get the girl." Personally, I think the truth is somewhere in between, but it's closest to "tragic underdog.")

Except, Dr. Horrible is a supervillain! That's what makes the whole thing extra interesting. On a surface level, this is your basic role-reversal type story, "the supervillain is actually the hero and the superhero is actually the villain"—but once you recognize Dr. Horrible isn't quite as much a decent guy as the narrative paints him, the role reversal reverses: "the villain really is villainous, he's your typical vengeful entitled incel, but seeing the story through his eyes he can't see himself that way."

It's really a masterfully done unreliable narrator story breaking down the toxic incel "girls only don't like me because I'm nerdy" "they go for bad boys with muscles" "if I can't get a girl it's my right to lash out at the world" viewpoint, done convincingly enough that you can totally buy into the narrator's skewed perspective. (Like, it took years before I started seeing this "it's a breakdown of nerd culture toxic masculinity" interpretation of Dr. H in mainstream discussions. Some people might've been saying it at the time but it was nowhere near as widespread as it is now; when it first came out, just about every discussion I saw took it for granted that the narrative considers Dr. H the "good guy.")

But, on the other hand, it's only an okay trope role reversal story. Like it's pretty good? It's all right. It's fine.

The story is better if you look at it saying "Dr. H really is the bad guy here, but is so deep in his head neither he nor the narrative sees that" and worse if you look at it saying "Dr. H is a misguided good guy stuck in a tragedy."

And yet, I'm pretty confident "misguided good guy" was the authorial intent. For other folks who believe that was the intent, in order to let the narrative truly flourish, they have to interpret it in a way that directly defies what they assume the author wants; in order to say "the main character is blind to his true nature" they also have to say "the author is blind to the main character's true nature." And I think that's fascinating.

[soft-persephone]

Ex-Machina Review

!!!Spoilers!!!

Nathan Bateman, is a fucking asshole.

I love it.

There’s a lot of “theories” about this movie, but I have my own interpretation.

Narcissism and God complex aside, yeah he has those things, but Caleb is a driving point for how we see him.

I do not think Caleb is a robot or AI.

But he was losing his mind in the end.

Nathan may be an arrogant asshole, but he wasn’t wrong or lying to Caleb about AVA. Like he might have lied about the experiment, but for that to work he would need someone gullible and perhaps with no family, because let’s be honest, if the test worked, Caleb was not going home 😭 (homeboy was going to end up like the people who installed the generator)

Ava had Caleb eating out the palm of her hand. He fell in love her and she just wanted to leave.

Nathan is the only man smart enough (from what the movie tells us) to make this cutting edge AI, but no matter how many prototypes he builds, at some point they are going to feel like they are being held captive if they gain a conscience.

He can’t let that shit out in the world until they chill first and accept that they are an AI and can’t have normal life until xyz.

Either way, the end result of “what next” if they passed his test is going to be fucked up no matter what.

That robot feels like a person and can’t have a or al life and they are obviously going to want one.

So in my opinion, the movie sets up Nathan as a fucked up god figure held captive not by his intellect but also his creation.

He had to baby sit these fucking robots and hope one day they won’t try to escape him or worse (how the movie ended).

He obviously isn’t a god, but asshole rich geniuses tend to be arrogant and self absorbed in some way. Like, yes, you are a super genius and no one can do what you do, but let’s cool it with the God comparisons.

The movie only ended with his death because Ava turned Caleb against him.

I think he knew that was going to be the end result.

“Caleb wanting to help Ava.”

But he didn’t plan on Caleb losing his fucking mind. Because that’s what turned everything to shit.

But now let’s talk visual language, and meta shit.(my favorite🥰)

Domhall Gleason is obviously taller than Oscar Isaac, but this movie put a lot of emphasis on it.

On top of that, Nathan works out a lot.

Caleb is taller and he’s also pretty smart. But he’s also a gullible dumbass. That’s what feeds into the evil narcissist narrative to get us to think Nathan is the “villain” befor the big twist.

But CLeb just keeps feeding into it. He calls him a hod and kept doing stupid shit for Nathan to correct him.

Nathen isn’t suspicious, Caleb was just suspicious of Nathan.

I also think Nathan is the type of man where being smart isn’t enough. Taking, care of his body as well as being smart, makes him more “superior.” It feeds into his god complex as much as his intellect.

He also likes to subvert expectations of super smart scientist.

He’s not some frail absentminded professor in a lab coat.

He’s a weightlifting, dance loving, dude that likes to kick back with a few drinks. He likes to talk the shit and have a good time.

But also he lived alone for many years with an AI robot to fuck from time to time and sometimes dance with.

Good chance his workouts and hikes are for his mental health.

Nathan is an asshole, but he’s not a villain.

At the end of the day he’s making and testing something.

He killed those generator guys, and I think at the end of it all, he was going to kill Caleb too. NDA or not.

He chose a kid with no friends or family for a reason.

He’s making a product that needs getting and manipulated someone for the best results.

He likes to be In control of everything and aware of every possible outcome.

While the lying might have been wrong, it is the best way to test his AI. Like it makes sense not in a crazy way.

I think Nathan is more callous/sinister than evil or cruel.

I think Caleb was buying into Ava so much, and since the movie is from his perspective, it can convince the audience he is a villain of sorts.

Thank you for making it to the end of you did. I hope you enjoy my word vomit of the movie I enjoyed!