#and how it’s knowing someone and having a connection that spans something more important that just friendship or romance

[contagious-addiction]

Maybe I’m just exhausted but… there are parallels I can make between arcane the show and MDZS, I can feel it in my bones

[xveenusx]

Indifference

Paring(s): Rafe Cameron x fem!reader

Summary: Two people who are in love, well he used to be

Authors note: you guys like when I make you cry

Rating: angsty

Warnings: it'll hurt :)

__________________

He was late.

Time was a funny thing. Minutes turned to hours which rolled into days then suddenly months began to blur into years. In that time, people tend to go out and experience things, falling in and out of love, enjoying everything life had to offer.

Yet, I somehow found myself motionless, the spark that once ignited my core had been stifled to a small ember. Life continued to pass by while I remained glued in one place, watching as everyone around me attempted to achieve some form of happiness.

I was once like that. Filled with some much hope for a life with someone I loved, who showed up to support me and believed in my capability, because at one time in my life that was exactly what Rafe was.

Like I said, time was a funny thing. The more time passes with your partner, the more comfortable they seem to get. They stop trying. However, at what point does being comfortable become almost negligent?

Dates were canceled, appointments missed, and important accomplishments forgotten the more time went on. Rafe’s priorities shifted and I went from being the center of his world to being a planet merely circling his gravitational pull.

In his mind, we were forever, so a couple of cancellations here and there and bouts of forgetfulness were nothing in the span of things. I would have agreed had the cancellations not doubled with time or our conversations going from intimate and deep to surface level at best.

He was never home. It was always just me in this large house on figure 8.  Suddenly, he went from being the moon and the stars to just a bleak, unforgivable starless night. Cold and dark.

We had met when we were 16 and he was every bit a spoiled little rich boy that had extreme daddy issues, but there was more to him than that. I picked at his defenses until finally they shattered, and I was engulfed by all of him.

He was just different around me and that fact alone left me delighted. It made me feel special, almost stupidly so.

Things between Rafe and his father were already tense enough since Rafe bought a motorbike with the money he was supposed to spend on the generator. Then everything began to snowball out of control from there. He threw himself into his father’s work and when he wasn’t doing that, he was with Kells and Topper doing god knows what and snorting anything he could find.

Despite all of this, Rafe always kept me close and always let me in. 

Last year, when Ward had gone with Sarah and John B to South America, and didn’t return, something shifted inside him. His defenses were rebuilt, only this time he left me on the outside, and no matter how hard I tried to break him down brick by brick, nothing worked. He became obsessed with running Ward’s real estate empire better than he ever did.

Rafe was a cold and calculated legacy with a large chip on his shoulder that made him lethal against competing firms. He chewed them up and spit them out.

With every major milestone, it was never enough for him, and like a man possessed he continued to ruthlessly target anyone that had done him wrong. We had everything and yet the bitterness seemed to consume him. He was someone I saw once a day if I was lucky. He always left before I woke up and was never home by the time I went to bed and suddenly we were glorified roommates.

Once upon a time, I would stay up waiting for him with my heart in my hand, hoping to connect in any way. Even if I only had a few minutes to spend with him before he went to sleep, it was enough for me. But, 10 pm became 11 pm which turned into 12 am and so I gave up. My sleep schedule was already a mess as thoughts and insecurities pestered my mind of another woman.

“Any word from him yet? Some of the donors are asking for him?” The question pulls me out of my thoughts and I turn to face my assistant, Rai.

Her question is innocent enough, but I can hear the slight concern in her voice and I know she has her doubts which only serves as another humiliating reminder that Rafe has done this to me repeatedly.

But this was different. He knew how important this charity dinner was to the shelter I opened up for women and children who suffered from domestic violence.

As someone who came from the cut, it was everywhere and so many didn’t have the means to flee and so they were forced to stay and in the most severe instances, die.

Rafe gave me the start-up money as a gift and it was a huge success that I opened several more as well as fund for scholarships for both the mothers and kids. Which is what brings me to now, a charity dinner and auction to help fund said scholarships and pay for all the shelter necessities.

He promised he would be here. It’s important for the donors to see him here seeing as though he donated a huge sum once more and could ease the minds of those who are teetering on the edge. It’s also important to me. This project is mine, something I created and shared with the world and I want to share it with him too.

I want him to celebrate this accomplishment with me and he is nowhere to be found.

“He’ll be here. Rafe promised.” I clear my throat, “He knows how important this is to me.”

Rai gave me a doubtful look and I know that I couldn’t convince her anymore than I could convince myself. The engagement ring that bore my finger instantly weighed a ton.

Glancing down at the large diamond that once meant the promise of everything, stared back at me as nothing more than a simple accessory.

Rafe had proposed and foolishly I believed that it would save us so I said yes.

I stayed and time and time again, the disappointment slowly began to etch away at the childish hope I tried to cling onto until only a dull ache remained.

“Don’t you look lovely?” Plastering a fake smile onto my face, I let out a sheepish laugh as I take in Kiara’s parents. 

“Thank you guys so much for coming.” The words ring true but I couldn’t help but feel like I was underwater. My focus is shot and I find myself hardly listening with my eyes darting to the front door every minute or so, desperate to see the man I used to think would never stop loving me. 

I float around the room, committed to being a gracious host, because I would not let him take this from me too. Not when he’s taken everything else already. This is the only piece left of me. 

My cheeks hurt two hours later from all the fake smiles and my throat burns from the feigned laughing. The sound of my own voice makes me wince. 

In those two hours, I felt my confidence slowly get chipped piece by piece as everyone questioned where my fiancé was. And for a moment, I hated him. I truly hated him because even this small piece of heaven I made for myself is tied into him. 

Honey, I need to run some numbers with Rafe. Where is he hiding? 

Where is the biggest investor? Surely, he’s here, right?

I haven't seen Mr. Cameron. Has he stepped out? 

With which I responded,” Work emergency, you know how it is. He’s nothing if not committed.” Considering most of these possible donors run their own large companies, they completely understand but it’s their partners reactions that seem to leave me stunned. 

Each had a warm look of understanding dancing in their eyes as I’m sure they’ve used the same excuse time and time again.

I can only take so much. So I excuse myself and glance at the small gold heart shaped watch on my delicate wrist and take note of the time.

There was only 30 minutes left and I haven't gotten so much as a text from him. 

A pit began to form where my stomach used to be as I realized once more that he wasn’t coming. As I stood in a packed room, filled with a flurry of activity, surrounded by people, I’ve never felt more alone.

Then my eyes connect with Mrs. Dune, the wife of a finance guru that works alongside Rafe. She was much older than I, having been with her husband for 30 years but she looked even older. 

It’s almost as though she can read my thoughts, because she sends me a sad smile as she lets her eyes go to where her husband stands talking to other donors. I haven't seen him talk to her the whole night, instead she’s been standing at his side saying nothing. 

I take an uneven breath and my eyes widen in realization. Was this what I had to look forward to? A life sentence of loneliness vacant of any warmth and attention? 

Swallowing hard, I force my eyes away and stare at the door. Begging whoever will listen to please, this once, let me be wrong. I’m so in my thoughts that I’m startled when a soft hand lands on my arm.

“You get used to it. Eventually, you’ll feel nothing.” Mrs. Dune says quietly, her eyes moving back to her husband, with a look I can only describe as longing. 

That’s the thing. I don't want to get used to it. This isn’t how I want to be loved.

“What you’ve accomplished is amazing. Don’t let him take that away from you.” Was her parting words and she left, not sparing her husband another glance. 

When I turn to see if he noticed she left, he’s still engaged in conversations and doesn’t spare her a glance. 

This is not how I want to be loved. 

“Hey, I’ve been looking for you. This is Amy Park.” Rai looks ecstatic as she introduces me to the stunning tall woman next to her. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Park.” The words come out on instinct.

“I wanted to discuss how open you would be to expanding shelters nationwide?”

And for the first time in awhile, a real smile graces my face as I answer her question. 

_____________________

The first thing I notice when I pull into our driveway is the plethora of cars that fill it. The second thing I pick up on is familiar vibrations of music with each step I take along our pathway. 

My front door is wide open as people come in and out, clearly under the influence of something and my chest constricts. 

This is what he’s been doing? This was more important than me? 

Clutching my keys tightly, I welcome the familiar biting against my skin. I recognize many of the faces, most of them having gone to school with Rafe. 

If it was any other night, I would have joined them. We were only 22 and yet have lived what seems to be a hundred lives. But, this is different. He’s different. 

Climbing up the staircase, I head to the balcony where I hear a familiar boast of laughter. 

I cleared my throat. “What’s so funny?”

Heads snap in my direction but my eyes are only on one. One that currently has a short black haired girl nearly in his lap. I recognize her as a bartender at one of the local grills/bars we frequent. 

“Don’t you look gorgeous-“ Topper attempts to run interference, but it’s too late. I raise my hand to silence him. I’ve already seen everything I needed too. 

His body is positioned slightly in front of them as if I was going to body slam them. I might actually. 

“Hey, wait! How did the donor dinner go?” Topper's eyes dart to Rafe’s. “That was tonight right?”

I see the moment everything clicks. His eyes rake down from my newly styled hair to the louboutins in my feet. Everything I wore from the jewelry on my body to the shoes on my feet he bought me, and I’ve never felt more sick.

Rafe clenches his eyes shut as he shakes his head. “Fuck.”

Fuck, indeed.

“Get out of my way, Topper.”

He throws a worried glance to Rafe. “I think maybe-“

“Top, give us a second.” Rafe mutters tensely. He keeps his hard set gaze on me, drilling into me, almost as though he’s daring me to move. 

Kelce stands up giving me an apologetic look. “Rafe, man, there’s a bunch of people here.”

I force myself to look away. 

“Not right now, Kells.” 

He wasn’t wrong. This house was full of people, but the only difference being that none of them matter. Not to me and not to Rafe. 

Steady. Keep steady and just breathe. 

“So what should I do-“

I look at him. Me or them? It was unsaid but he knew what I was asking him. 

“Back the fuck off and give me a fucking second with my girl.” Rafe barks out, running a rough hand through the short cropped strands that brush against his forehead. 

Both hold their hands up in mock surrender before shuffling off to the side. The girl doesn’t get up. 

Topper coughs. “Sophia.” 

Her eyes take me in with clear distaste. Her hand is still dangerously close to Rafe’s waistband. I raise a single eyebrow giving her one last opportunity to move. 

She doesn’t. Not when Kelce calls out for her either.

Sophia made her bed. Setting my bag down, I take three big steps before I’m roughly shoving her off the couch sending her sprawling on the floor. 

Rafe let’s out a curse but makes no move to help her. At least he’s not stupid.

“Get out.” The words leave no room for negotiation.

The glare she sends me is filled with ice. “I was invited.”

Kelce lets out a groan before whispering,”Is she serious?”

The fake smile I’ve perfected over the years decorated my face as I bent down to her height on the floor. 

Flashing my engagement ring in her face. “Get out of my fucking house.”

That seems to shut her up and I watch with narrowed eyes as she struts away, Topper and Kelce in tow.

I can hear my heart pounding in my ears while my chest feels like it’s going to explode. I turn around slowly to face my damnation. 

My heels click against the marble floor and with each step I take, the more the ache in my chest grows. Marching up to Rafe, I grab his chin and force him to look at me. Those familiar glacial blue eyes are red. His pupils are blown wide and my chest cracks wide open. 

He’s high. 

This is not how I want to be loved. 

This is what he wanted to do instead of being there for me. Instead of supporting me. Instead of loving me. 

Dying would be less painful.

 I stare directly into those eyes, searching for an answer, wondering when the love he felt for me slowly became indifference.

I’d almost rather there be a mistress rather than this cold indifference.

“Did you have fun at least?” My words are soft but the intention is anything but. 

He says nothing. Instead Rafe studies me like I’m a wounded animal. 

Dark. Beautiful. Cruel. 

Those are the words I’d use to describe the man in front of me. The gaze that once felt like a soft caress on my skin now felt clinical. 

“It seems like you’re having fun.” I quip, flicking the small bag filled with familiar white powder. 

I thought I could fix him. I will not make that mistake again.

“I completely forgot-“

“How?” I ask. 

His eyes narrow like he’s trying to figure me out. “Work got insanely busy. You know how it is. Even if I own the place, I’m young and the older guys don’t respect me.”

“It was in your work calendar.” 

“No, it wasn’t-“

“It was also on your personal calendar and our joint one. I had your assistant send you a reminder email. So my question is how?” My voice wobbled and it was only by a small miracle that I didn’t throw something in his face. “How did you forget the only thing I’ve asked you for?” 

Something flickered in his eyes. “It wasn’t intentional. It slipped my mind.”

“Something I worked so hard to accomplish just slipped your mind?” Exhaustion has finally got the better of me and I finally let him see just how much he’s managed to chip away. 

“I should have been there for you and I’m so sorry,” His throat flexed a hard swallow. “But there will be other dinners.” 

The dull ache in my chest thrummed harder. Rafe was brushing this off, just like he always did. My skin flushed. 

At my silence, he braces his elbows on his knees and leans forward, tracking my every move. “I feel like you’re not understanding me.”

“No, I understand you just fine. It just wasn’t important enough for you.”

He stilled. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

Of course it wasn’t what he meant but he’s managed to make me feel so insignificant. So small. 

“I know that you’ve canceled most of our dates for work. Even an anniversary once. I know that you missed the grand opening of the shelter that I spent a year and half planning.” I force the words out, each breath I take feeling like needles. “I asked for this one thing, Rafe and you couldn’t even give me that.” 

“What about everything I have given you? This house, the car you drive in, the clothes on your back, the boat?”

It’s like I’m staring at 16 year old Rafe again. To him, material things were the equivalent to love. He couldn’t be farther from the truth.

I find that I was much happier when I had little to nothing, than I am now, sitting here with everything, in my gown and jewels. 

“I didn't ask for any of those things.” By the stubborn gleam in his eyes, I knew he was going to fight me on everything. 

Lately, his tactic was always combative and it was easier to give in or to not say anything at all. 

 “No, but you took them all the same. I fucked up, I get that. I know what this shelter means to you, but that doesn’t change the fact that you wouldn’t even have it if it weren’t for me.”

A familiar buzzing filled my ears. His words were ugly but they weren’t a lie. Even my project was his. I had nothing of my own.

I wonder how many other people came to the same revelation. Maybe that’s why so many of them asked where he was? Because this accomplishment wasn’t mine, no clearly it was his.

There is not enough room in my chest for the ache he caused. 

Words can’t seem to make it to my lips. I think my brain has finally broken and realizes that no words I say will get him to change. 

Smoothing out my dress, I stand on shaky legs before kicking off my heels. He can keep them. With that, I leave him out on the porch and make a beeline towards our his room. 

Opening the closet doors, I reach for the suitcase before setting it on the bed. I wasn’t going to be like Mrs. Dune and waste away beside a man that used to love me, hoping that one day he will once more. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” The words are hard and low. 

Rafe stands at the door, his arms crossed over his chest. His face is brewing with several emotions I can't quite place. 

It was funny. I haven't seen this much emotion from him in months.

I ignore him and toss some clothes from my dresser into the open suitcase, making sure to grab only the clothes I needed.

I slowly take off each piece of jewelry and set it on my vanity. He can keep everything he so gloriously mentioned he bought. 

“You loved me once.” I state, tilting my head to the side. I rake over every detail of his face, knowing I’ll never forget it. 

I loved him once too. 

His face morphed to one of confusion before disbelief. “I still love you. That’s never changed.” 

I shake my head. “Yes, it has.”

Rafe stalks towards me, his hand reaching to burl around my neck while the other pulls me to him by my waist. Familiar cologne fills my lungs and I count to ten mentally. It was the same cologne I bought him when we first started dating. 

“I work too much, I know. That’s my fault and I’ll cut back. I’ll be home more and we can spend time together. I’ll do better.” Taking my chin between two fingers, he forces my eyes to his. I see the sincerity in his eyes but I know how this goes. 

The same way it’s gone the last two times. He’ll beg me to stay, promise to change, and things will be good for a month before he slowly starts missing dates or canceling trips we’ve planned months before. Then the cycle repeats. 

“No.” It was time to love myself. Since he clearly couldn’t do it. I will not allow myself to get lost in him again. 

“Baby, just wait. Will you wait-“ He huffs as I try to move around him. No such success as his towering body has me moving back and suddenly I’m caged in by his arms. “Just give me a second, okay?”

“I’ve given you years. I won’t give you another second.” 

“Talk to me.” His voice breaks. “Please just talk to me.”

Longing filled my body. Words I’ve been waiting to hear for months come so easily to him, but only when I already have one foot out the door.

 “I’m alone.” The words come out strangled. “ I’m alone in this. I have been for a long time.”

“What do you mean? Baby, I’m right here.” Rafe’s gripping onto me tighter, almost like he’s ensuring I don’t leave. “I’m right here.”

“You're never here. That’s exactly my point.” 

Rafe’s eyes widen before he shakes his head wildly, staring at me like I’m speaking another language. “That’s not true-“

“What’s today?”

“What?” 

“What’s today?” I repeat, my eyes never leaving his. I want to see every emotion that storms in his eyes, just to remind myself that he is capable of emotion after all. 

“Friday.” 

I smile at him sadly. Exactly my point. “I haven't seen you since Tuesday.” 

“No, that can’t be right. I was with you when we had lunch with-“ He breaks off, reaching for his phone in his pocket. I watch as he pulls up his calendar, an action that mortifies me, and confirms our scheduled date.

 “Tuesday.” He whispers, shocked even. 

I wasn’t. Rafe had to check his calendar to confirm that last time he’s seen his fiancé. 

“You used to come bring me lunch. If you were more than a couple hours, you always found your way to me or gave me a call that you’ll be late.” I shrugged, blinking back the tears stinging my eyes. “Now, I don’t think I’d get a call if you were in the hospital.”

The buzzing in my ears intensifies.

 “You didn’t tell me any of this. None of how you were feeling and you're ready to walk out the door without so much as an argument.” A spark of my old Rafe appears as frustration dances across his face.

“I should have-“

“You’re giving up.” He states, shaking his head in anger. 

Maybe I was. “I’m tired of fighting for us. You gave up a long time ago.” 

Large hands curl around my cheeks, pulling me towards his face. Rafe rests his forehead on mine, his piercing blue eyes darting across my face in panic. 

“I love you. I love you.” He knows he’s grasping at straws, but we feel like strangers now. The words don’t feel like they used to. “You know I love you.”

 “This isn’t how I want to be loved, Rafe. I see you every couple days, the only time we’re ever together is when we have sex.” We lost sight of how we once were. The only thing that remained good between us was sex. 

That alone isn’t healthy. He goes to open his mouth but I cut him off.

“We never talk and when we do, you don’t even listen to me. Your brain is always somewhere else.” 

“I’m in a relationship with a ghost. I’m not letting you suck the life out of me anymore.” My eyes catch the sparkling ring that once brought me such happiness. Now, it simply feels like a ball and chain. 

Before I can convince myself otherwise, I start to tug it off my finger when Rafe truly begins to panic. 

“Don’t do that. Please don’t do that.” I try to hand it to him but Rafe jolts back like he’s been burned. The look he gives my empty hand is nothing short of destroyed.

I think I’m going to throw up. His words are laced with raw grief that makes it hard for me to breathe.

“Put it back on.” I hear the slight tremble in his voice.

“No.” My lips wobble. 

“Please put it back on because if you don’t that means we’re over. That’s not us. We aren’t supposed to end.”

“Rafe, don’t make this any harder than it already is.”

“You’re ripping my fucking heart out of my chest. This isn’t anywhere near hard, it’s excruciating.” Rafe’s hand is notably shaking, but he tries to hide it by clenching and unclenching his palms. 

“Welcome to the last year of my life.” The words are brutal but he needs to hear them. 

“You promised me we’d never end.” 

“You promised to change. I guess we both lied.”

Rafe raises his voice, his arms thrown up in the air in clear distress, “How can you just stand there?”

It was a miracle I haven’t collapsed on my shaky legs yet. The adrenaline pumping though my veins was the only thing getting me through this torture. “Rafe, stop it.”

“You talk about indifference?” Rafe lets out a humorless laugh, shaking his head up at the ceiling. “Who’s heartless now, baby?”

“You don’t get to put this on me. I’ve given you years of my life, showered you with nothing but love and support. I asked for one night, one fucking night, in your busy schedule and you didn’t bother to show up, or send a simple text.” I intake a sharp breath, pushing the hair out of my face with a shaky hand. “Instead, you threw a party in our home and got high.”

I point a finger at his chest, staring at him with open heartbreak. “I needed you,” The tightness in my chest finally pops as I choke on a loud sob, “I needed you and you weren’t there.”

“I lost sight of what’s important to me. I’m just trying to give you everything-” I cut him off. 

Grabbing the clothes I haphazardly tossed in the suitcase, ”You want this? Take it,” I shove them into his chest, “Take all of it. I don’t want it. I’d give this all away in a heartbeat if it meant I could have you back.”

I meant every word. I wanted my best friend back, the person I confided in and depended on. I wanted our late nights back watching trashy reality TV. We used to sit in the bathtub together basking in each other's company. Went on walks along the beach or took the boat out for hours, fucking on the deck, not caring that anyone could see. 

It used to be simple. He loved me and I loved him. 

“I’m angry, baby.I’m so damn angry all the time. At my fucking dad for always having these impossible expections. Then he goes and dies, leaving me without a clue on how to manage everything.” Rafe sags against the wall, exhaustion marring his features, his blue eyes pleading for me to understand. “I feel like I’m drowning all the time.”

I had no idea this was how he was feeling. But, he never let me in. “You could have told me, we’re supposed to be partners in this. You asked me to marry you!”

I think deep down I know that he felt me slipping through his fingers at one point. He could see clearly how unhappy I’ve become and that’s why he proposed. And maybe just like him, I thought the proposal could fix us. This proposal was being manipulated on both ends, it was doomed from the start.

You can’t fix what’s already broken. 

“My head has basically been a war zone and I’m losing. The only thing keeping me sane is that I know, when I walk through that door,” he points to our bedroom door, “I’m going to find you in our bed. Every. Single. Night.” 

“I can’t let the ugly touch you.” My heart splits into two at his words. Words I know feel like acid leaving his mouth. “You’re the only thing I have left.”

“Then you should have taken better care of me. You should have let me take care of you.” 

“Fuck,” He screams, bending down and swiping the lamp clean of the nightstand. The lamp goes flying into the wall, shattering into hundreds of pieces and my eyes are drawn to them. I can’t help but think it reminds me of us.

Dragging my eyes back to his, I fight the urge to wrap him in my arms. Seeing him in pain has never brought me joy, but this was brutal. His eyes shined with unmistakable tears, realizing the strength of my resolve. 

There was no going back this time. There was no trying again. I didn’t have another try in me. 

I grip onto the fabric of my dress moving towards him, my heart pounding out of my chest. He moves instantly, holding out his hand to guide me over the shattered lamp. Why couldn’t he be like this months ago?

Why did he let it get this bad? Why couldn’t he love me?

Now, standing in front of him, I let myself one deep breath, basking in the comforting smell of him. A large hand curls around my neck, his grip strong and firm, demanding my attention. His blue eyes are daunting and so intense, I find myself fighting the urge to look away.

“I’m going to get you back.”

”Take it, Rafe.” I whisper, uncurling his limp hand, “Take it. It doesn’t mean what I want it to.”

Tears blur my vision as I fumble with the ring he refuses to take.

 Rafe shakes his head, clenching his jaw tightly. “There’s no point in taking it off if it’s gonna go right back there in a couple weeks. ”

I can’t help but smile at the determination in his voice. He sounds like the old Rafe and for a second I see a glimmer of who he used to be.

 He had me. Then he lost me. 

This is not how I want to be loved. 

“If spending the next few months without you means that I get to spend a lifetime with you, I can manage. I’ll do whatever I have to.  But don’t think for a second that there is anyone else on this entire fucking planet meant for you.”

That’s how I want to be loved. Too little too late.

I drop the ring.

[tobiasdrake]

Fun Fact: Even in space, ACAB.

Let's talk about Jaco: The Galactic Patrolman, a somewhat more obscure manga compared to Dragon Ball that Akira Toriyama wrote in its setting.

For the most part, this is a short and fairly simple story. It's primarily a character drama, with the developing relationship between Jaco and the scientist Omori as its central focus.

The manga is surprisingly vague about its connections to Dragon Ball for nearly all of its length, until its final chapter. Jaco is here on Earth to thwart some vague threat sent to the planet from a world of hostile aliens. It's only at the end of the manga that we learn he's talking about Goku.

Galactic Patrol detected an Attack Ball leaving Planet Vegeta and making its way to Earth, so they sent Jaco to... assess the situation and then make a decision about whether or not to do anything.

In his defense, the Saiyans are the most powerful race in the universe. I can understand why he doesn't want to fuck with a full-grown Saiyan warrior. Nobody wants to fuck with a full-grown Saiyan warrior. The most that the finest police force in the universe can do against Saiyans is to try and nip them in the bud when they're babies.

It's interesting that Galactic Patrol doesn't have Scouter technology. I wonder if that proprietary? Frieza might have a patent.

But at the same time, I don't want to be too sympathetic to Jaco because. Well. He sucks.

Galactic Patrol sucks. That's kind of the bit. Jaco is a self-absorbed little shit, utterly devoid of empathy or compassion for the people he polices. He's stranded on Earth right now because he wasn't watching the road while driving.

Jaco's a prick, but what little we learn about Galactic Patrol as a whole doesn't make them sound much better.

This one time Jaco accidentally pressed the Extinction Bomb when he wasn't supposed to and wiped out a planet. Hoo boy, was his boss mad! Gave him a real talking to before giving him another Extinction Bomb and putting him back on patrol.

Universe isn't going to police itself, y'know. Someone's gotta be out there very occasionally trying to stop those real estate genocides.

For his part, Jaco's in it for the aesthetic. He likes the image of being a cop, and he spends his time practicing looking cool for when he presumably dispenses justice upon the criminal element.

But his interactions with the common people are filled with condescension and menace.

Like I said, this is the bit. Jaco is a self-important thug with a badge, with the initial conflict stemming as much from trying to keep him from doing something awful to the community under his jurisdiction as from trying to solve his problem.

Ostensibly here to protect Earth from the impending arrival of a Saiyan threat, he is as much a threat to this community as the invader he's here to assess. Without Omori there to guide him, he'd be killing people left and right.

He fits in pretty well with the cast of Dragon Ball, many of whom at least begin their tenure with a degree of amorality to them. Omori himself is a bitter misanthrope ironically thrust into the position of having to convince Jaco not to kill people.

And then there's the manga's biggest Dragon Ball connection: The introduction of Tights.

Any reader who's been picking up on the Dragon Ball-ness of this universe will know immediately where Tights came from. Her name pun gives the game away. Just like how the final chapter clarifies Jaco's target as the young Goku, we get to see the familiar faces of Tights's family as well.

Bulma basically solves the entire plot singlehandedly.

Even as a little kid, the universe's greatest heretic remains unparalleled in the field of game-breaking super-intelligence. Bulma OP do not nerf.

Again, this speaks to how little of the manga is actually about the plot. If this were a story-driven manga, having a character from another manga show up in the final issue and solve the plot in the span of two pages would be pretty disappointing. But since the plot is just an excuse to make these characters interact with one another, it doesn't really matter.

We aren't here for the story; We're here for the relationship between Jaco, Omori, and Tights. With that in mind, Baby Bulma waddling up and going "I fixed the spaceship; Are you stupid or something?" is hysterical.

For her part, Tights lives up to her family legacy of being super-brilliant.

She graduated from college at 16. She's a genius like the rest of the family. What she's not is interested in science and technology. Possibly as a justification for why we've never heard of her before, Tights goes against the mold for her family.

She honestly seems like something of a free spirit. She lives in East City when we meet her, famously the city that Nappa wiped off the map, while Capsule Corp and Bulma's family are out in West City. Rather than a scientist, she works as a body double for a famous pop idol.

As a publicity stunt, they're going to launch an idol into space. Tights's job is to impersonate the idol so she can die in the inevitable disaster instead. She is bizarrely chill with being paid a huge sum of money to get stupidly killed. Much like Bulma, Tights has a terrible sense of self-preservation and is willing to take on incredible risk for the sake of achieving a personal goal.

Tights is the best character in the manga. An aspiring sci-fi novelist who agreed to probably die in space for the sake of the experience. This family gives zero fucks.

And then there's Omori himself.

Despite its title, Omori is basically the main character of this manga. He's the one whose life situation is most heavily scrutinized. This is his status quo that Jaco and Tights enter. Similarly, Omori is the character who undergoes personal transformation as his experiences with Jaco and Tights help him find hope in connections with other people again.

The three characters click really well together. So well, in fact, that Dragon Ball would end up recycling the setup of Super Alien/Crotchety Old Man/Spunky Young Woman for one of the best dynamics they ever wrote.

This is not a copy/paste; Cheelai, Leemo, and Broly are all distinctly separate characters. but you can still feel the barebones aesthetic of Tights, Omori, and Jaco in their dynamic.

So. Yeah. Overall, for what it is, it's a cute little short story about a group of characters just living lives in the world of Dragon Ball. It's the kind of thing that the franchise needs more of, and still does to this day: An opportunity to flesh out the universe a little but also just to let us live in it through the eyes of someone else.

[2soulscollide]

10 underrated tips to become a better writer

hello hello, it's me again!

today i want to share some tips to improve your writing!

1. write in a different style

sometimes it's important to step out of our comfort zone, especially when it comes to writing. the next time you sit down to write for a bit, try to do something different from usual... try poetry if you always write prose; try fantasy if your thing is mystery; try adventure if you only write romance. it's up to you, just do it! who knows if you discover a new passion while trying this exercise...

2. write from a different point of view

i know it can be tempting to always write from a certain point of view, or to always use the same narrator voice, but (like on the first topic) sometimes change is needed to improve. you'll see things from another perspective, and maybe you can have a brilliant idea!

3. write with music

this one is one of my favorites! i love music, my spotify is full of playlists, one for each mood. try to create different playlists for your stories, and pick songs that motivate you, or that make you feel like you're one of the characters of your novel. this will not only give you a boost to write but also make you feel inspired.

4. set a timer

i always do this! it's a life changer. i started doing the pomodoro method to study and realized how effective it is. it's the same when it comes to writing: set about thirty minutes to write (it's up to you, depending on for how long you can be productive) and ten to fifteen minutes to relax. you'll see how much more work you can do with this method!

5. use prompts

you know how much i love prompts! i think they're so useful and help us so much to become more creative. they are a great way to step out of our comfort zone and develop someone else's idea in a span of a few minutes or hours.

oh, and if you're feeling adventurous, try this month's writing challenge!

6. write in a different place

guys! change your writing environment sometimes, especially when you're feeling overwhelmed or drained. i know it can be tempting to always sit on your sofa / bed / favorite chair, but sometimes we get so accustomed to the same place, that our creativity slows down, as well as our motivation. try to go outside to a park or a café, it can be so fun and you'll feel like the main character. or maybe, if you don't want to be in public, try another room in your house! just make sure you feel comfortable and don't have distractions around you.

7. change your writing support

do you always write on your computer? try to disconnect for a while, grab a pen and a paper, and let your imagination flow. it can be so freeing to write by hand sometimes, especially when you're plotting a novel! how cool it is to draw a scheme to connect all the characters and locations, and to doodle...!

8. find a writing buddy

personally, i don't have one, but i know it can be such a fun way to keep you motivated and to keep yourself (and the other person) accountable. it's great to have someone to share your ideas with, to give and receive feedback, and to lift you up to write when you don't like doing so.

9. write yourself a letter

trust me, it's amazing. it can be to your present self, past, or future, it's up to you. tell yourself what your writing goals are, what you are writing, how you see yourself in the future, what you're satisfied with your writing style, etc. just let it flow and re-read it whenever you feel unmotivated.

10. write with a sense of humor

i know it's not everyone's cup of tea, but it can be so fun sometimes. try something less serious when you don't feel like writing. try to come up with a joke mid-dialogue, write a fun scene or re-write a serious scene in a less serious way. this exercise can be great to see things from another perspective, to try a different style, or to lift up your mood.

i hope this was useful! have a nice day!

[elains]

An Abundance of Mates?

One of the greatest hallmarks of the Maasverse is the existence of Mating Bonds . They’re at the heart of all SJM’s works (except Catwoman, but we don’t talk about Catwoman) and most of her protagonists have the privilege of finding their mate, this deep connection that most words we have fail to properly describe.

Yet for all their importance, the truth is that the lore around mating bonds is sparse, and I’d very much say deliberately vague. Why deliberately vague?  Because going into too much detail about how they work and establishing hard rules could drive Sarah into a corner and as she’s very much a pantser, better keep her options open.

For all we don’t know, however, there have been things that have remained constant throughout Throne of Glass, Crescent City, and A Court of Thorns and Roses. For this meta, I’ll be focusing more on the last two, as they’re still ongoing and really, let’s be real, it's where most of this debate around mates comes from. This contains spoilers for all SJMs series.

• They’re bestowed by a higher power.

How this higher power is named varies from series to series, be it the Mother, Wyrd, Urd. What is made abundantly clear is that this isn’t a choice. In Crescent City, for all the engineering surrounding Hunt’s birth, when he questions whether his mating bond to Bryce is also artificial, he gets immediately shot down by Aidas.

Hunt gripped Bryce’s hand atop his knee. “Is it in my DNA that Bryce and I are mates? Was that engineered, too?” “No,” Aidas said quickly, “that was never intended. I think that was left to higher powers. Whatever they may be.”

Granted, the way Aidas answers this opens the question whether they could have engineered a Mating Bond, had they wanted. We do know it’s possible to create something that resembles a mating bond to trick one of the parties, as happens with Rowan, courtesy of Maeve — but that’s not a true bond. Aelin comes along, Rowan’s fated mate, and the difference is stark. Lyria is literally described as a Fake Mate, someone who, like Rowan, was duped by Maeve’s sorcery.

Overall, I think it’s clear that no, you cannot create a Mating Bond. That is the purveyor of the Higher Powers that govern the universe. All other beings can only hope to accomplish are imitations of the true thing, some more successful and real than others. In the excerpt above, I’d wager the reason Aidas refutes it so fast is because he, as a Prince of Hel, knows that there are forces out there you do not mess or interfere with.

Also, Sarah has no problem creating circumstances where her characters can have something that is adjacent to a mating bond, but not really one, like Chaol and Yrene’s bond by the end of Tower of Dawn and it's still framed positively.

• They exist from birth, across species and worlds.

Let’s tackle this one by one. Another constant we have about the mating bonds in SJM’s worlds is that it very much can exist across species, with the caveat that one of these parts is always Fae or Part-Fae. In Crescent City, we have Bryce (Demifae) and Hunt (Malakim), Danika (Shifter Fae) and Baxian (Malakim) and my favourite one I think, Theia (Fae) and Aidas (Demon Prince).

Theia and Aidas are particularly fun one because not only are they from completely different species, but they are also from completely different planets. Chances are that had Theia never crossed into Midgard, she’d never have met Aidas. This does imply that whoever or whatever is responsible for the Mating Bonds operates on a cosmic scale. It’s not some weak force ruling over one world, but rather something that spans the universe, and this level of foreknowledge points at it being an all-knowing, all-seeing force/power/being.

Which we then circle back the first of the topic, last to be broached: mates are from birth. This is pretty much what we see and learn in ACOTAR, when it’s established that Feyre was always Rhysand’s mate, even when she was still human, and that inspired her to paint the stars on her drawer. By that point, they had never interacted, but the bond was already there, and it was only made stronger when she became Fae, eventually snapping.

Why was it made stronger? This is speculation and a murky area because Sarah hasn’t given many details on it, my working theory is that the Fae are more tied to the “Powers of the Universe” (Read: they’re the Creator’s Favourites) than humans are, so they feel it more keenly. I do think that what we get in Crescent City with the Parasite dulling the Vanir’s primal abilities and instincts, things that are intrinsic to their beings, which also dulled the signs of a mating bond, though it’s unable to erase them.

 • Multiple types of mating bonds confirmed in Crescent City?

One of the major discourse points in the fandom after Crescent City released was the existence of multiple types of mates, as some people argue that in HOSAB, there’s explicit confirmation that the Malakim can have mates, and they can choose them. I could never accept them because most of the ones I’ve seen are eager to ignore some important points: 1) The context of how it comes up. 2) The general context of the series.

When it comes up in HOSAB, it’s when Ithan and Bryce are talking about Connor. Ithan tells her that Connor thought she was his mate, and this is when first she thinks about the various definitions of the term. To our two kinds of Fae, mates are something deeper than marriage, chosen by Urd, beyond an individual’s control. This is verbatim what the description says:

There were several definitions of the term mate—though Bryce supposed that to Ithan, to a shifter, only one mattered: one’s true lover, predestined by Urd. The Fae had a similar concept—a mate was a bond deeper than marriage, and beyond an individual’s control.

This is contrasted by how the Malakim use the term “Mate” as specified right after. It’s not nearly as serious:

The angels, she knew, used the term far more lightly: for the malakim, it was akin to a marriage, and matings could be arranged. Like breeding animals in a zoo.

There's nothing romantic about “Like breeding animals in a zoo”. The definition of Mate to the malakim has nothing to do with the soul bond level of the Fae. When Celestina says she’s going to be mated to Ephraim to produce children, she’s not talking about them being bound body and soul in a something deeper. She’s talking about “Yeah, they have selected us to mate and breed like cattle to bring forth new Malakim offspring”.

It doesn’t have to be as bleak! As Bryce herself acknowledges, it’s akin to a marriage. Mate, in this sense, has the same meaning as spouse, lover, significant other, companion. But True Mates, mates in the way the Fae are, have a much deeper bond that defies these simple labels.

Later, when talking to Hunt, Bryce also says that it can be a biological thing, as some mates can feel an invisible link between them, a scent or soul bond. The fact that it can be but not necessarily is does seem to imply you can have a mating bond without these other biological aspects showing up, but that doesn’t take from the main point of this meta and the main conclusion.

• Mates within the context of SJMs works

With this, we go back to point number 2 I stated above: context of this series. It’s clear as day that Sarah adores the fated mates trope, the existence of a predestined love and a bond that surpasses all others. Aelin and Rowan, Bryce and Hunt, Ruhn and Lidia, Feyre and Rhysand, Nesta and Cassian, hinted with Elide and Lorcan — they’re all mates. It’s supposed to be rare, mind, but even side-characters get mates because she loves them so much.

However, being mates with someone doesn’t mean insta-love. Theses couples didn’t meet and were all stars and rainbows from the get got! There might have been attraction, but there wasn’t really insta love. They had to go through things together, to build their relationship, and some just found out/had confirmation about their bond later, when they had a solid foundation.

As far as romantic relationships go, Sarah’s work has never been about defying what fate established. Rather, they’re journeys about finding their way together, to where you’re supposed to be, and making it work despite being fated for each other. Some people have said it before, but choosing to embrace a mating bond has weight insofar as you have the possibility (or the illusion) to reject it.

This isn’t meant to be a shipping post and more one about Mates in general, but I will speak about Elucien and Elriel (Gwynriel isn’t here because Elain is the one with a confirmed mating bond) because Elain’s mating bond is at the heart of these discussions.

Unlike most Sarah’s couple, Elain and Lucien know from the start they’re mated. The tension exists because of it, as Elain didn’t want to be turned Fae and at the time was in love and engaged to someone else. The Mating Bond foisted upon them is the very source of tension, as it comes not as a confirmation they’re meant to be, but as an indication. Their story would be about knowing they’re meant to be, in a way resisting it, but falling in love and choosing each other anyway.

What of Elain and Azriel? I know there are a lot of theories about how they’re “Mates by Choice”, but I digress. They won’t be mates of choice, nor they’ll have something mate adjacent. Elain and Azriel’s story would be about them being True Mates and them finding their way to each other and staying together despite whatever external forces are keeping them apart. If Azriel and Elain are endgame, her mating bond with Lucien will be (for some reason) revealed to be some kind of spell or lie. Az will always have been the real one.

For more details of how these two ships would come about and the details, there are great theories and meta for both around which goes in depth about my points here.

• The Conclusion:

The word “Mate” can be used to describe multiple types of relationships, but there’s only one type of true (soul)mates, and they’re chosen by a higher power beyond and individuals’ control. Calling someone your mate does not equal them being your soulmate.

[jibbmanifests]

Manifesting for others

I mentioned this briefly in my robotic affirmations post, but I want to dive into it more because it deserves to be talked about.

It’s true: you can manifest for someone else or vice versa. One of affirming’s meanings is to offer (someone) emotional support or encouragement (refer to the screenshot below).

Alright, now let me break down how this is possible.

You’re manifesting for someone else

If you want the in detail story, look at my personal success story about my platonic SP. But, I’m referencing this for a reason. In the story, he was dealing with bad circumstances which I knew about. Part of me rampaging was also adding in “I hope things get better for him soon.” I verbally said this to him, too - that’s a very common thing to do which can in fact manifest something better for the person we said that to. Think about how many times you’ve done that for someone you care about, wishing better for them when they’re sick or dealing with a horrible situation.

Throughout this situation when Gary wasn’t talking to me in the 3D realm, I repetitively affirmed that he’d talk to me and that things would get better. I convinced myself this would be soon and pushed back my own doubts. Then, in a quick span of time, everything did get better. I improved his circumstances by believing they’d improve and that it’d better our relationship. They weren’t my own circumstances, they were his that just so happened to have an effect on our friendship.

Even if I hadn’t known that he was dealing with a lot, I would’ve still manifested better for him unintentionally, just because it was what hurt our connection. You don’t have to know what’s causing something to worsen, just as long as you believe what you want is true, it’s true. Then, whatever was causing the negative in the 3D improves once you manifest. It’s a “behind the scenes” thing.

That story aside, we can also help each other out in the community. Let’s say someone is saying, “I can’t do this. I don’t believe I have [the thing I want].” You can tell them, state in truth, “you are able to manifest. I believe you can manifest what you want, and you have what you want. I know you believe in yourself.” Or, you can treat them as the person that already has their manifestation. For instance, you know they want their SP to marry them. You can go up to them and say, “Wow! Congrats on your engagement!”

Someone else is manifesting for you

Kyle August (aka Manifestation Man) on YouTube has a video titled “Don’t Give Up, I’ll Manifest Your SP for You.” That may sound gimmicky - he does have some silly titles and thumbnails which is his schtick - BUT he IS being truthful in this title. To quote an important thing he says in the video:

the fact that you’re watching this video and the fact that I’m telling you I can manifest for you is how you’re actually going to make that your reality. Because, if you can believe and assume that I’m an agent in your reality to basically give you exactly what you want […] then you’re going to create it.

So, what he’s saying is that, from your own perspective, if you simply believe someone else can do it for you, then they absolutely can. You’re believing that it’s possible, so then it becomes possible. You’re manifesting that someone else is manifesting something else for you. Funny how that works.

[whysperingwoods]

Ethics in Witchcraft: Empowerment vs Cheap Tricks

Witchcraft is mainstream-- a reality I never would have imagined ten years ago. With that rise comes a surge of offerings on various platforms, from spellwork to tarot readings, along with it the need for deeper questions: What's real? What's empowering? What crosses ethical lines? I want to explore the ethics of witchcraft, and how we can empower ourselves without resorting to cheap tricks.

The Etsy Dilemma: Quantity Over Quality?

What inspired me to write this article was setting up my Etsy shop. A few years ago, when this blog as last active, I sold tarot and fire readings on Etsy, and I was curious to see how things had changed since then. So, I decided to do a little research and see what other people were offering.

I was surprised to see how much the popularity of not only tarot readings, but spell work has skyrocketed in the last few years. Initially, I thought "Great! People are more open to witchcraft and divination!" But a closer look at the listings-- the quality, the prices, the speed of turnaround-- my excitement faded.

Let's take a look at some of the top listings that come up when you search for "tarot reading" on Etsy:

Most of the top results use stock images, some are obviously AI generated. The turnaround times are incredibly fast, and the prices are strikingly low. It's hard to imagine the quality of a 12-month tarot reading done in under an hour for a fraction of the usual cost. Now, let's look at the highest-selling listing:

The listing has racked up around 51 thousand sales in only 1200 days. That's 41 readings per day, just for this one listing (and this shop has several). Can you imagine providing 41 readings per day? It raises important questions: How much personal energy and focus can truly go into each reading when it's churned out at such a high volume?

When I adjusted the price range to being between $25 and $100, the listings were much more realistic. Photos of real people, with reasonable turnaround times and expectations. Phew!

What if we look at spellwork? This is where things get even more complex.

We see the same trend we saw with the tarot readings: Quick fixes, AI-generated images, extremely low prices.

Any experienced practitioner knows how much time and energy can go into a spell. Everyone has their own personal style-- sometimes I favour small workings that can be done in the span of a breath, and other times I like to prepare something elaborate that will take weeks to prepare and execute. But it raises a critical question: Can real intention be poured into something that’s mass-produced and requires only the click of a button?

At the heart of witchcraft is intention. Without it, what are we really practicing?

Love Spells and the Ethics of Consent

I would be remiss if I didn't talk about love spells here. This topic easily warrants its own post, but let's touch on some key points. Love magic is one of the most popular types of spells on Etsy, and I wouldn't be surprised if it holds true on other platforms. A quick glance through old grimoires and folk traditions reveals countless examples of love magic. In a world where connection feels more elusive than ever, it makes sense that these workings are in such high demand. But where do we draw the line?

Navigating consent in magic is tricky-- where do we distinguish between influencing the world in our favour and infringing on someone else’s free will? It’s a deeply personal question, one that each practitioner must answer for themselves. It's easy to tack on an "and it harm none" at the end of a spell and hope for the best. But that sidesteps some important questions: What is harm? How far do we take that? Sometimes, giving one person favour inevitably affects someone else. For example, casting a career spell to improve your chances of a promotion may unintentionally take an opportunity from another person. Can that not also be seen as harm?

This is why it's important for practitioners to reflect on what level of harm they are comfortable with. It's not an easy question, and the answers may shift over time and with experience. Ideally, none of us want to harm others, but that's something we have little control over. Maybe a better framework to consider is reducing suffering, rather than trying to avoid harm altogether. For example, while aiming for that promotion, you could also wish for your competitor’s contributions to be recognized in other ways. Instead of trying to avoid all harm, perhaps the goal can be to soften its impact and ensure that success isn’t gained at the expense of someone else's misery.

Rather than an “and it harm none” approach that could render a spell ineffective, asking ourselves how to minimize harm while still achieving our goals can lead to more balanced, thoughtful outcome-- ones that benefit everyone involved.

When it comes to love spells, another way to navigate this ethical grey area is by focusing on influencing your own circumstances rather than someone else's free will. I see this as putting something in the person's path, and allowing them to approach it themselves. Rather than casting a spell to make someone fall in love with you, how about casting a spell to increase your confidence, making yourself more noticeable, or drawing more positive attention your way? These types of spells empower you without infringing on someone else’s autonomy or agency.

Final Thoughts

At its core, ethical witchcraft is about empowerment—honouring the free will of others, practicing with intention, and ensuring that our magic comes from a place of authenticity. As practitioners, we have the power to shape our craft in a way that’s meaningful and respectful. Let’s choose paths that uplift and empower us, and the people around us.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. How do you approach ethics in your own craft? What ethical issues have you had to navigate, and how did you handle them?

[fandomclaws]

somewhat an analysis of Alastor

I've been going over this multiple times while it was just some rambles in my notes, but I finally decided it might as well see the light of day. if you do read this all, thank you. if not,,, understandable. it's a lot.

if this whole things is not coherent at all and does some weird jumps, I'm sorry. I took multiple breaks writing this over the span of the whole day. it was even more of a mess, I promise this is the slightly cleaned-up version.

especially the later parts get less cohesive in my eyes since I had to take longer breaks in between them. they also might jump around more. but now, in case you do want to read this; enjoy.

obvious spoilers ahead

let's start with the most interesting aspect for me: we barely know Alastor. sure, we know a little about his backstory, and get snippets of interactions here and there, but it wasn't until well into the show that we got to know his character better. ep.5 was where we see something deeper than the shallow persona he puts on for everyone. he's been more of a helping hand to make the plot progress in an interesting direction than a character with obvious deeper meaning. I don't mean to say that he was not well-written, quite the contrary, I mean to point out that he seemed more like a tool in the story than a character we are supposed to connect with on deeper levels.

we all as viewers had no idea why exactly he was there, to begin with, he said it was for his own entertainment but even then, this seemed like an awful lot of work for him to come out more or less empty-handed most of the time. it's an unfair deal for Alastor if you ask me. and honestly, he does bring little less than "entertainment" to the table until then. being used to show that he is helping yes, but mostly doing it so he can pull someone else down with his help. double-sided blade. he loses, but whoever he helps also doesn't win.

let's talk about ep.5 though. in this episode it's the first time someone truly irritates him. he didn't really care much for Vox - seemingly finding his entire obsession rather funny and never seeing him as a true threat. and Sir Pentious he didn't even truly remember. but with Lucifer that changes. Alastor doesn't just see him as bothersome, he sees him as important enough to go out of his way to prove he is better than the literal king of hell himself. at first, you could argue that he's once again doing it for his entertainment. seeing how much he can push before he needs to get back in line. but looking closer, his body language betrays him.

the way Alastor holds himself shows a true disdain for Lucifer that is, from a viewer's perspective, totally unjustified. Lucifer did not start their weird rival dynamic, it was Alastor who from the beginning on looked down on the king. maybe it's a personal reason, maybe it's just the fact that Alastor is more than well aware that no matter how much power he gets, there's no way to get above Lucifer. his omnipresence might simply be an annoyance to Alastor because he knows as well as Lucifer that the king hasn't shown his face in a long time and his reputation and power over all of the pride ring, over all of hell, still stays in place. no real threat could shake Lucifer's power into crumpling and this thought alone might bother Alastor because he had to fight for his power, to keep his power. (see Vox having presumably more power with the modern media and all that before Alastor disappeared)

and there's also of course the whole bantering going on in Hell's greatest Dad. Are Alastor's words genuine when he speaks to Charlie, or is it just a tactic to get under Lucifer's skin, maybe not seeing his powers crumble but seeing the king's nerves being reduced to nothing by his hands.

I personally don't think he was being entirely truthful. he might not have straight up lied about everything, but I don't think he truly wishes Charlie to be his daughter. Charlie herself is more than a little surprised by how Alastor suddenly treats her, and that alone is proof enough for me that he wasn't being honest in his words. if it were true, wouldn't he have at least a slight fatherly touch towards her all the time? Later on, Angel Dust even somewhat points out that Alastor has never acted like this by asking what his [Alastor's] deal is. It shows me that no matter how badly he tries to make it seem real for Lucifer, it's not real for anyone else simply because they all know how he normally acts around them.

continuing to Mimzy for a short moment; she is proven to not be a reliable narrator at all so I don't want to really take what she tells about Alastor all too seriously. she even concludes her little tale about the radio demon with "That's the story most people know." which does not make it any true. something I thought is very interesting is that the only two people who might have any idea of how truthful Mimzy is in her story are both gone. Niffty, though she also does not seem like the most reliable narrator, is not part of this conversation, and Hus kates himself out of the scene almost in the same moment Mimzy starts talking about. Husk leaving is more important since he obviously knows more about not only Alastor but also the deal Alastor is bound to. Husk and Alastor might equally hate it, but Husk does seem to care about Alastor at least a little. warning the overlord about Mimzy and how she is known for only showing up when she needs something, and I'm sure Alastor is more than aware that Mimzy wouldn't show up simply to catch up with old friends, but still. the sentiment of Husk seeking Alastor out to warn him, and even mentioning how he [Alastor] has been gone for a while now, is in itself caring, especially when moments later the viewers find out how much more Husk seems to know about Alastor. it even seems as if he is aware of limitations, mentioning how it's "Big talk for someone who's also on a leash." coming from Alastor's deal, even if Alastor himself is ignoring them [see the line "Who in their right mind would cross me?"]

the whole fact that Husk even seems to know so much about Alastor's deal is confusing in a way. I can't see Alastor willingly going to Husk and telling him about not only the deal he made with someone above himself but also about the limitations of said deal, it just doesn't make sense for the character we know Alastor to be, and even when finishing the show my opinion doesn't change. it's even more prominent how he later hides away.

after this scene, Alastor isn't seen catching back up to Charlie, Vaggie, and Lucifer to continue annoying him simply by his presence. his outburst having left him apparently on edge - showing that he isn't as calm and calculated as he likes to pretend. he obviously struggles with his own anger, be it at Husk for bringing up that he knows about Alastor's deal, or himself for ever getting into the situation in the first place.

later we see Alastor taking care of Mimzy's problem -the loan sharks. he's not seen using his powers like he did when Sir Pentious attacked though, he willingly transforms into something eldritch to devour the threat instead of simply using the tentacles, which would've been just as easy for Alastor. in my eyes that's him getting rid of the last restlessness about his outburst at Husk. choosing to do it himself, showing he still has free will over what he does and doesn't do. if not proving it to Husk then proving it to himself that he can choose to do this. he goes all out, he even comments on it himself how he needs to let off steam and later on how he's important here and willingly choosing to be here, helping ["It's time to remind everyone [Husk] why I'm here."] Alastor needs Husk to know what happens when you cross him, and when you doubt him. because he took the comments about how long he's been gone and that he's also on a leash personally. I don't even think it's necessarily because Husk said it, it's that someone in hell said it. not a soul in hell is allowed to think that Alastor, the radio demon, is not strong enough to win every fight he chooses to start.

let me come back to Mimzy once more, as if this one scene scratching the surface of what lies underneath his smile-bright persona revealed by Husk wasn't enough we get Alastor being all buddy-buddy with Mimzy, who is not only acting like a friend to him but is also introduced as such. a normal friend to someone who is so obviously not normal.

but even with his more friendly behavior towards her, he ends up sending her away after the hotel has to suffer under the problem she brought along. ["I can't have that here."] If he was genuine with what he said then, why did he phrase it like that? I might be reading too much into it, but Alastor normally picks his words wisely enough to not let too much slip, and the sentence "I don't want this here." would've been better fitting for the situation, but he says can't have that here. new question, what can't he have here? Mimzy herself? someone who knows him better than the residence with maybe a habit of blabbering? or was it just the fact that it's her problems that he needs to fix? that he can't have her bringing more work than there already is at the hotel?

now making a bit of a jump, going from ep.5 to ep.7 this episode makes me mostly wonder about what Alastor could ask from Charlie later on based on the deal the two of them made. in terms of character, it gave us little besides his dynamic with Rosie and the entirety of cannibal city. though this was also not really anything new, more just what we already knew about Alastor in a new dynamic

there is one scene I do want to talk about though. his whole little speech around smiling. him actually standing by and admitting that he is hiding behind his smile did take me a second to actually realize what just happened, I did skip back to it because I was a little stunned by the absurdity of it all. after some thought it made sense that he might not mind it, Charlie does not know him well enough for this off-hand comment to truly affect anything for him, still it made me wonder. why would he reveal it to her? was he simply so sure that she wouldn't use it against him or did he think she wouldn't even think of using anything against him in this kind of way?

so it confirms that yes; Alastor uses his smile as a facade and also as a way to show he is above others who cannot hide behind a smile like he can. his smile means indifference to himself, neutrality. for him showing anything but the indifference that his smile represents is vulnerability. weakness.

let's move on to the actual "highlight" episode of "What We Learn about Alastor" ep.8

this surely was not the first time he got humbled badly by someone in a fight. it's what he wants to avoid most, the mask slipping, everyone seeing that he can be defeated, that he is not this otherworldly powerful being that not a soul in hell [or heaven] can touch. there had to be at least one very significant moment where he was powerless in a way. where he had to strike up a deal with someone higher, the one now binding him, now having him on a leash.

Alastor went into the fight with Adam overly confident, underestimating Adam's powers to the point he barely got away. he is, after all this, still a mortal soul. a sinner. Adam on the other hand was the first man which gives him roughly the same power Lilith must have. that in itself makes me think Alastor lasted a good deal longer in the battle than I would've thought. pure angelic powers far surpassing his own and he still 1) got away in the end and 2) was able to get in a few hits.

let's quickly touch on the fact that when Adam broke his microphone he seemed to be completely stunned, apparently not having thought that he could easily break his possession without any real resistance. I personally don't think his power is necessarily in the microphone [the was the simply gave it away to Charlie in ep.7 being my proof for why it can't be. he would never abandon his power just for Charlie to sing a song for a few cannibals] but what if it maybe is some kind of amplifier for it? maybe it's also pure placebo and Alastor was simply too stunned that Adam would go for the piece of equipment instead of for a deadly blow right away. the microphone surely was a confidence boost, feeling of being 'on air' the feeling of having his broadcast behind him while doing his everyday tasks giving him the boost he sometimes needs, his ego being constantly stroked by the knowledge that there would be countless sinners bowing to him if he simply said the words into his microphone. no longer being able to do that made him stutter in more ways than one, being momentarily careless, not prepared for Adam to strike again, deadly this time. he lost where he was in his performance, in his own show, and it made him mess up.

one interesting sentence is when Adam comments on how Alastor is just a mortal soul. "You should know better than anyone what a soul can accomplish when they take charge of their own fate." which makes me want to believe that's exactly what Alastor did, taking charge of his own fate. but the thing is that we know he did not. he made a deal with someone, and he doesn't have the ability to take charge of anything about his own being anymore. he's as much on a leash as he has Husk on one. that would only mean that he isn't at his full potential, held back by the deal he so desperately wants to get out of, and is actively looking for a way to get out of it. which turns this line into something else completely. Alastor reveals that he knows what he is capable of, but cannot parade his power due to his deal.

another interesting detail is his ears before he dissolves into his shadow. they are pinned back, showing not only agitation or fear but disorientation. he opens his mouth for no sound to come out and it frightens him to have come into this situation at all.

a big part of his mental disintegration in this moment surely is also the fact that if he had died at this moment, if Adams's hit was slightly more fatal, he would've died bound to the deal still. Alastor would have gone without being able to fulfill his own goal - getting rid of the chain around his throat. getting control back over his own afterlife. if he had died at Adam's hands, he would have died being possessed by someone else which we can assume is what Alastor sees as the lowest he can fall. the people bound to him by a deal mean nothing to him as it seems, we only ever got to see those who were needed for the Hotel.

while also, dying in this moment would have proven to everyone that he stayed to protect the hotel, his friends, but retreating and not being killed in a heroic death-wish battle be had proven to especially the audience that Alastor is not ride or die for these people.

in his breakdown ballad, we can finally see where he went to to lick his wounds. his entire breakdown also shows once again how scared he truly is of being inadequate. this wasn't just a reminder from Husk that he is indeed also on a leash, being pulled to where whoever holding it wants him to go, this is a rendezvous with death, barely escaping the situation that would have proven that he is too weak, at least while being bound by this deal he is [no longer] profiting from.

the place not only reeks of death for him, like he says in his song, but it also reeks of shame at the fact that he had nearly not made it out alive. it would've been seen as a noble act had he truly died in this scene, he had not died protecting himself, he had died protecting others. it is worse than dying on a leash even since at least almost no one knows about that, it would allow him to save some face. but dying for these people? he cannot even stand the thought of it.

in his mind he needs to keep up the smiling facade, the indifference in this smile he holds obviously so dear, for eternity. him dying should not allow the indifference he stands for to evaporate, he needs to play the act even after being killed in his afterlife.

even if this now ends rather abruptly, my work here is done. see you next time I start writing and simply don't stop for a while.

it truly is "Good to be back on the Air." with a newly cleaned-up space to talk about fandoms

this might be edited later on, nothing major, maybe just to have some actual continuity in it.

[hautevaux]

@poeticphoenix || 𝕃𝕀𝕂𝔼𝔻 for a 𝕊𝕋𝔸ℝ𝕋𝔼ℝ

[CALLING: Genesis 🔥 ♥️] Call not connected.

Hash was the hammering of his heart, breathlessness gnawing at the hollow of his throat. It's raining, large puddle spanning the ground, the sheer torrent of droplets from the heavens obscuring ones sights ahead. It was not the weather to be running in, not to be lingering in when wearing no jacket nor coat: but both the tailor did.

Soaked to the bone, he swiftly rounds another corner and attempts to call Genesis once more - the dead of night forcing anxiety ever higher. Ears, too, strained to listen to surroundings but the patter of rain upon the ground and nearby glass and roofs made it nigh impossible to pick aught else out.

[CALLING: Genesis 🔥 ♥️] Call not connected. Missed calls: 2.

Panted breaths grew worse, less from exertion and more from heavy uncertainty and impending doom. He dares to run out of his cover, sprinting as fast as he is able through the street, weaving in and out of alleyways and such by-paths so to make his route less direct. He doesn't know where he is headed, Vaux hasn't managed to think that far ahead, all he knows is that he needs to get away and as soon as possible. The further, the better. He just needed time.

Ducked behind fencing at the end of someone's garden, having sprinted into a residential district, Vaux fumble for his phone again and attempts to call - the rain upon his screen making input accidents more common.

[CALLING: Genesis 🔥 ♥️] Call not connected. Missed calls: 3.

He knows the other is likely busy doing something important for Shinra, but Vaux would never have the audacity or gall to continue to call unless it was an emergency and thus, ere he runs again - he tries to catch some of his breath and wipe some water off of his face. Cold, shivering, dizzy from the stress, he silently prays for some variety of salvation.

[CALLING: Genesis 🔥 ♥️] Call not connected. Missed calls: 4.

[CALLING: Genesis 🔥 ♥️] Call not connected. Missed calls: 5.

With the feeling his persuer is getting closer, Vaux bolts once more. His feet hurt from running in boots with a small heel, his lungs burn from heavily breathing in the sharp chill of the night and his legs, how they ache from the prolonged exertion - but he had no choice but to continue.

Eventually getting to a park, he hides with his back to the ages bark of an oak tree, wishing he could find comfort in it's present sturdiness. Instead, he half fumbled with his phone, tries again and again to get connected but eges are preoccupied with glancing around, attempting to see through the dark and heavy rain.

[CALLING: Genesis 🔥 ♥️] Call not connected. Missed calls: 6.

He wonders if perhaps heading for the store would be a good idea - but he wonders if the large glass windows would do anything at all to keep his persuer away from him, given the intensity of the chase. He's too far from home to turn back that way, but he also doubts his weak door would hold up against a few firm kicks.

Once more feeling panic rise, Vaux wipes away fearful tears alongside rain off of his cheeks and darts once more but this time he can hear gunshots in the distance and he cannot help but try and push himself to be faster.

He's going to catch up, he's going to kill me, he thinks, nausea rising as exhaustion sets in and the cold grips tightly. Vaux isn't sure he has anything else left in him, running low on stamina and morale he sinks into a small alcove just off of the railway tracks and prays, beyond anything, that he can hide there. He holds a hand over his mouth, attempting to muffle the sights of his exhaled breath, and waits - listens, daring another quick attempt. He does t have time for a text message, he needs to move again--

[CALLING: Genesis 🔥 ♥️] Call not connected. Missed calls: 7.

[CALLING: Genesis 🔥 ♥️] Call not connected. Missed calls: 8.

"Please, Gen... Please answer the phone, please..." His pitiful whispers were laden with fear, with defeat and with great difficulty does he move again - this time with a strained jog. He's too tired... He feels sick, he feels weak and with every passing moment is his stress mounting - the potential for a seizure growing heavier.

[CALLING: Genesis 🔥 ♥️] Call not connected. Missed calls: 9.

With an exhale, Vaux shuffles himself down a rather tight alleyway and hides among parked cars, using his fingers as swiftly as possible to write something, anything, into a message - hoping the rain upon his screen doesn't disrupt too much.

[SMS: Genesis 🔥 ♥️] Dad's found me. Very violent. Running away.

He has no more time but to attach a link that would track his phone and, from there finds he cannot move for the moment. He's come quite a way, over nearly three sectors, with his damned father hot on his heels and it feels like the more he tries to lose him, the more the elder finds determination. Vaux is but a tailor - - a slender fellow of not much physical strength - but his father? A man of the military, of special operations back in Wutai. It was not an even match, and Vaux was all too aware of what awaited him if he was found.

Maybe this was it... Maybe he would be found and have his life cut short by the man he hated the very most... With a now pounding headache and no doubt some variety of hypothermia setting in, Vaux hubkers down at the edge of the lot of parked cars and listens, waits.

[jabberwockprince]

I'm cooking r1999 OC stuff so i need to ramble about it hehehoho rubs my evil hands together

i had to rewrite this because i lost it but i also sound like a madman so i dont expect absolutely anyone to understand my train of thought <3

I OC-fied Tartaglia a few days ago but I just got around to thinking about his whole character and lore, and it hit me that I can just put his ass in Apeiron <3 I'd like to have an OC in each faction but we'll see how much my attention span lasts

BUT! THIS MF.

I want him to be from Apeiron specifically because the idea of an integer or equally valid number within the island acting like the most fucking feral irrational number is so funny to me. a complete betrayal of the scriptures but that somehow ends up making sense, so you cannot be mad because He Still Operates Within What Was Expected. a guy whose entire existence is just ANNOYING AND IRRITATING AND INSUFFERABLE. perhaps he's a fraction, I'm not sure yet. I'm not looking forward to researching numbers to find one that suits him thematically and shit

most likely considered a genius in an unconventional way, not similar at all to 37. more like still following the theme of opposing/overstepping while working within the guidelines. so maybe something to contrast her

37's talent for numbers is explained as an innate ability to see the numbers in everyone and see their true essence, which causes her to be isolated from the physical world and the people of her own community because she does not experience nor care about reality the same way others do. its impossible to try and understand her, because her insight is so vastly unique, but she can still provide solid proof to support her discoveries with no problem at all, as seen when she confirmed Vertin's number is 0. she cares about the scriptures and numbers, and yet she likes taking the chance to discover one's number away from others just because she can be the first one to do it

so im thinking. Aianteia could be the opposite. he cannot see the numbers in people like her, but their true Forms. the perfect geometrical shapes that can only exist in the abstract world of Forms, impossible to achieve beyond a close approximation. and because he essentially sees the "beauty" in people, he cares for the community, he is friendly and often befriends others rather easily. but he can't fucking explain why he sees the world Like That. nor provide any proof as to why someone is This Form or That Form. which renders him totally useless within Apeiron, because of the importance of proof. he cares about people figuring out their number, to discover themselves and whatnot--he cares so much that he will gladly show you which Form you're meant to be, the way the universe intended it

and THIS is when the themes of battle and war and carnage come into play. when it comes to irrational numbers or the impure, Aianteia connects their "floating points" and knows exactly what to do to purify them. to make their bodies as pure as their Forms. im saying that he basically sees fancy ass geometrical shapes and lines that let him know where to start cutting and slashing and killing. this is something he does out of genuine love and care, so that those who cant even DREAM of studying the scripture can get a fair chance at discovering their number, as irrational as it may be. all they have to do is survive

im thinking. that his scars are self-inflicted because he attempted to do the exact same thing to himself. and he survived. and he figured out his number this way. he cannot explain why or how or give proof as to why he knows THIS is his number (in a way, similar to how 37 knew from birth that THIS was her number) but i like to think that 77 took a good look at him and went "hes right." and everyone had to just. accept that this guy, most likely a very young teenager, found out his number THROUGH THE "WRONG" WAY

WHICH. IN TURN. FALLS WITHIN WHAT 37 INSISTS DURING CHAPTER 05--numbers are the eternal truth because no matter when or where or how you prove something, you and the person at the other side of the planet will come up with the same result. Aianteia has an entirely different approach that led to the same conclusion as 77's mother. once again, the issue is that this is something that cannot be corrected nor given proof. relating to the gnosis of an arcanist, and how arcanum is not a viable method of study because it cannot be verified by a third party. my brain is making connections at the speed of SOUND. anyway. the issue is that he's RIGHT. which would make him a fraction, potentially, since 37 describes them like this

Integers are the living examples of virtues. Fractions can be understood through specific means. Irrational numbers are the free spirits, while imaginary numbers are the existence which doesn’t belong to this dimension of the number axis

so he can be understood through specific means, but no one can figure out WHICH means exactly

I do think that he starts out genuinely wanting to help people achieve their purest self, and somewhere down in the middle of the road he started to have a little too much fun with the idea of being the hand that brings Forms to the world of Matters. and then as he spends more and more time outside of Apeiron, it becomes a dog eat dog mentality, whoever survives gets to be their truest, purest Form -> the strongest get to impose their ideals onto the rest. Aianteia SAYS that he's doing this to uphold the scriptures and defend them in the outside world, and this is partially true as a childish leftover desire from his initial journey. but really, its all about getting the shit beaten out of him and beating the shit out of others now to see who earns the right to live

if the Storm has been going on for 7 years, it started when he was 19, so im thinking he was around 14-15 when he left Apeiron during one of those expeditions. and they let him go specifically because pretty much everyone wanted him gone

from what I remember, both Manus and the Foundation existed BEFORE the Storm? so im willing to say that Aianteia joined Manus before the first Storm ever. but i also dont want to think too hard on time logistics because we dont have the full timeline of the game yet

[604to647]

ok, so, a super late reaction

i know you thought i'm mad at din, but i'm not (? 🤔 really?). i'm just miserable on how the thing goes, and need a moment to digest

sorry to say that i'm very disagree with your note about the emotional punch not achieved...... imo this is well-executed, i'm so glad that you adopted a lot of din's POV. compare to the 1st breakup (yea that still made me a bit upset, and this is the 2nd time dude, though pretty bird miraculously recovered in no time then, how can she trust you anymore???), i can fully feel his struggles, can see that he tried his best; since you have wonderfully illustrated his reluctance and longing. on the logical side, i understand this will be an obvious option for din who with protective nature, just like what he did to grogu in season 2 of the show

HOWEVER, i'm still voting for pretty bird to get a new gorgeous marcus something who is a pro hockey player (credit: @whirlwindrider29), she deserves that!!! and our plan got concurred by @heartbrokenlilbitch-nef (🤝🏻)! tin can can certainly go through some torture right?

Hi babe!! First, thank you so much for reading and for caring about their story! I so appreciate your kind words on the writing 😭😭 I'm very glad that there was some emotional panache in the last chapter and that Din's POV felt true to his show character and showcased his struggle. I will try to show more of that in the next chapters!

Now... feel free to be as mad at Din as you want 😂😂😊 To quote that TikToker "He's just a man! Hit him with your car!" 😂 He really is just a man and he is making decisions for Pretty Bird and keeping things from her and though his intentions are pure, this is a big no-no and she will not be standing for this type of behaviour ever again, don't you worry. I know it may seem like she recovered and forgave him very quickly after the last breakup, but we have to remember that even though it was 7/8 chapters for us, for them it was just 2 weeks of dating/getting to know each other. Sure, they had a really strong connection, but it was only 3 (very good) dates and while she had been sad and confused, it was really over the loss of potential.

This time is very different - this has been a deep and meaningful relationship that's spanned (if I count it out properly) about a year. The feelings of loss and hurt run very deep here, which is why these next two chapters are about Getting Over Someone - it will take a while. And even then, it isn't even until the final chapter that we get to Forgiveness. 🤔🤷🏻‍♀️

As for Hockey Player Marcus (or rather "Markus" as surely he would be Scandinavian 😂), he seems like a good guy and I don't know if I would want to set him up just to be a torture device for Din 😂😂 As it is, you can rest assured that Din will be tortured enough 😅😅 However, since you've expressed such an interest in Pretty Bird dating again, you've helped me make an important decision on where to end this next chapter; I've been writing these next two chapters together and have been debating whether or not to include a certain scene in part 1 or part 2, and now I think I'll include it at the end of part 1 😈😈

Thank you again as always for reading and for being invested in the story! I hope I can take it somewhere you enjoy 💕💕😘

[dreamerfms]

wanted connections.

adya khatri

a rival — in anything, tbh. chronically has to be better than anyone at every little thing known to man. an ex — probably short-lived, she's so busy sometimes it's difficult to maintain anything. she's also too honest and blunt for her own good, which could have caused tension. unlikely attraction — from her end or theirs, just a fun little thing to play around with.

cassius alder

his sister — I’ll eventually get around to putting this as a wc on the main. but this is by far the most important relationship in his life, and her thriving makes everything he's gone through worth it to him.

his cousin — they're his best friend, the one person that really knows him. bonded since childhood, they're the main reason he visited palmview for so many summers in a row.

past summer fling — a summer romance that lasted the span of his summertime visits, this person would have had to have been in palmview for at least twenty years and be of a similar age to him.

ex — we'd have to figure out the when and how, as it would not have been in palmview, but i would love someone who loved him even when he was going down a wrong path, and who he genuinely tried to be better for even though he wasn't capable of following through at the time.

kai finnegan

undeniable tension — kai keeps running into them at almost every party he goes to, and while he typically hangs to the back, they seem to be front and centre, a bright presence. kai resented them at first, but as time went on they spoke more and more, with the other even jumping in to defend kai when his smart mouth has gotten him into a scuffle. despite the obvious tension brewing, kai seems to take off whenever a line seems like it might be crossed. male please.

rival, kind of — they've disliked one another for as long as they can remember, always bickering, making comments. but beneath the act they've managed to keep up, there's a level of respect on both ends. so much so they often back one another up when someone else is being the asshole.

the ex-friend — someone he was friends with in high school who turned their backs on him when the rumours began to swirl. kai still feels like this time in his life is an open wound, so there would for sure still be still resentment they could work through.

no friends, just benefits — with room to grow. they find comfort within one another without words, always a text away when the other has had a particularly bad day and needs an outlet.

kyro lee

his best friend — the person that's kept him grounded the longest. friends from the moment they met and despite how often he's gone, they always manage to maintain their dynamic.

tba.

noa braunstien

if you'd been the one — her second, last and most serious relationship. the person she genuinly thought was the one. they seemed perfect on paper: attractive, successful, and into her unique quirks and charm. noa was certain she could make the relationship work, and perhaps she even started envisioning a future together, only for it to end in a spectacularly unexpected way.

the unlucky regular — each time she finds then a match it seems to go perfectly, but they somehow always end up coming back to her asking her to find them a new match.

the wedding date — being a successful matchmaker means many wedding invitations, and this person is the one that attends most, if not all of them, with her. simply a friendship, but maybe sometimes on the dance floor there's a little spark.

nova campell

the almost something — they spent a lot of time together when she first moved to palmview a year ago, really getting to know one another. there were moments it seemed like something could progress, but every time they got too close nova pulled away due to her past issues.

an old family friend — someone who knows her from the past, who's well aware of her mother influence and the things she put nova through. nova spends a lot of time trying to convince them she isn't still struggling with things, but they see right through her.

[alyjojo]

July 🍯 2024 Monthly - Virgo

Preshuffle: You’re getting increasingly impatient and frustrated with either a hothead with a harsh mouth, or that could be you in regards to a lack of leadership and direction. Your decisions or progress at all is waiting on another person to do their part, and they’re not doing that.

Meditation: Driving in a car with someone else, you were going up the hill, down the hill, up the hill, down the hill, and you’re like “for God’s sake how many hills are there??” And this spanned quite a bit of time. First there was a rant about gas prices and costs, then you were scouting how many hills were left from the top of the one you were on - endless so far, and finally it’s like you submit, you give up. This is never going to end and I will run out of gas.

Main energy: Death rev

The Oracle of Letting Go shows either something already has ended and you just haven’t healed/let it go yet, you could be moving away from some kind of conflict or drama with someone, or you’re moving away from toxic behavior patterns in yourself (probably non-committal/single ones) in order to really connect deeply with someone around you that’s worth the effort. Someone you may even love. Or it’s been a bumpy ride and it’s like fix it or end it, something has to change. Your color cards are very positive, Wheel of Fortune at the bottom, this feels like a very important time in your current cycle, one of maturity and positive change - by facing shadows. Whatever *you* can anyway. Surrender is another part of this - where other people are concerned.

What’s going on in July:

Queen of Wands:

For most this feels like your own energy, fired up and ready to get 👏 shit 👏 done 👏 but there’s no communication, no direction, no leadership - and it’s above your pay grade? Or outside of your control, can’t do anything. For some this is love related, and someone new is coming around but you’re still very much energetically tied to the old - the trauma, the hurt, the deception. Whether an ex, a boss, or could just be dating generally…several people even, you feel this is delusional. Something is, you are, this is a failure and it’s doomed to fail. You know what you want 💯 But haven’t found it. Some of you are single and ready for your person, the divine match, who would be a King of Wands. In your mind. A leader, dominant masculine, but charming and suave yanno, they make masculine look goood. Arm candy, social, someone that does not hesitate to make a decision because he knows exactly what he wants, either gender. Your counterpart. And all you’ve gotten are shlubs, no one is checking the boxes, you’ve been dissatisfied and trying to roll with it - to no avail. If it’s a particular person, they aren’t clear in what they want, or what they’re going to do about an issue, and it drives you crazy.

6 Swords:

You’re moving away from any options that currently exist, to spend more time on your own. It’s being shown you’re not over an ex, even if it was the right thing to end it. They may be coming back around too, or you are, maybe the dating scene has inspired a comeback…it’s rough out there. I do see unreliability and the up/down of the mediation, things got tough. It’s possible you’re staying alone hoping they come back. Some of you are meeting someone worthwhile and having to leave behind this guarded single/Hermit mentality…let the past go. Others are leaving someone they thought was forever, or have, or you’re just considering it because Death rev is not actually ending something. Not wanting to. If a job, some of you are seriously considering leaving if there’s no progress or improvement soon.

King of Cups:

King of Wands at the bottom with pressure and burden. Could be someone you work with that hears all of your complaints about your current person and thinks they could do better. Could also be your original person/ex putting the work in to be more loving, emotional, and genuine with you, because they love you. Or you might. Could also be someone in your dating roster that’s trying like hell to be the person you say you want, but they’re Cups, not Wands, and they’re feeling a way because you don’t accept them for *them* how they are. For work, this is probably the person you’re relying on to make decisions or lead and “leading” isn’t something they’re all that comfortable with, it’s a burden. They’re wise, keep their cards close to their chest, probably aren’t open communicators, and likely follow the vibe of a situation in order to direct it (to best suit them & everyone) rather than commanding a stage and directing a crowd openly, no, they’re not that person.

I just got a flashback to Leo’s reading where there was a GM and a manager and then the peon, for whoever has Leo placements here, these are the two other people and likely the head boss is a major burden on the 2nd boss, who in turn is a major burden on you. Something like that. Everyone’s feeling it.

The Devil rev:

For the work story you want to tell them to fuck offfff, see you never I’m OUT ✌️ You won’t, because of Fright and Death rev here. It’s not logical or helpful for you to do so right now. But you probably fantasize about that daily.

For those dating several people it looks like you’re cutting it down to one, someone is pulling on your heart strings (making the effort) and/or this could be the ex too if your relationship has been on the rocks or recently ended. You don’t want it to be over and neither do they. You desire a clean sweep of all of the things that keep you stuck - rather than really knuckling down and putting in the effort to sort through the bs one by one by one. But that’s kinda your gift, Virgo was born to sort through things one, by one, by one 😜 Who else can get it done correctly? That may be advice for some. You’re avoiding bringing down any Towers in your life, whether through other people, popping off (you want to), or anything sudden and impulsive. If you’re into a specific person, you’re cutting off other options because you don’t want them to think you’re a player. Or they are for you.

Knight of Wands rev:

In love, someone has been indulgent, dating around, fully enjoying that and not really taking any of these seriously and maybe fumbled that with you or treated you like any of the others. Or you did. They done fkd up and didn’t want this to end is what it’s looking like, whoever that person was. If work, someone being unreliable, can’t stick to a decision, doesn’t show up on time, says the thing will be done tomorrow & it never is - could be the reason for you missing an opportunity or losing money in some way. Could also show if you bail out of something you’re involved with (the job itself) you could lose an opportunity. With the Leo reading showing up again…say you’re the peon, same as their story. It’s the one in the middle of you and big boss - they’re the mess. Big boss may be looking at you with new eyes or a possible opportunity, and you could have the chance to really shine where someone else is fumbling - if you don’t allow it to get to you or react to their bs. Outshine your boss? That’s kinda what this is showing. Whoever has messed up seems to want to let go of that behavior and make it up to you, if it’s an ex or about to be an ex. Or switch it. they don’t want it to be over. I don’t think you do either.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Scorpio, Virgo, Aries, Leo & Sagittarius

Oracle: ✨

43 Letting Go 👐🏿

Letting go of a situation or person can be a challenge. At times, what’s at stake is not just the relationship or situation, it’s the attachment we had for it: the hopes, the dreams, the expectations. Many relationships end long past their natural ending point. One or both people hung on, hoping things would change. They invested so much time because without that person, job, or relationship, their future looked up as one big blank screen. For many this is too scary to bear. However, by letting go, we create a space for a person or situation that will resonate with us where we are now. Start looking at your expectations. Try not to have any. This will enable you to live in the moment and be mindful in the present. To be able to gracefully release from a situation is a lesson for all of us.

Idea 💡

Inspiration - Suggestion - Vision

Fright 😰

Depression - Phobia - Paranoid

We enter into July as:

Cool Lemonade 🍋

“My dreams got answered.”

There are times when chasing dreams leaves us winded and unhappy. If this gift has been given, it’s to remind you there is always a plan. If you fear you’ve been sidetracked from your right path, have faith you’ll be guided back to it. There is not always a complicated reason why things didn’t work out how you wanted them to, it may be simpler than you think. Are you sure your prayers weren’t answered? Or was it a reply you refused to hear? You will find total peace when you appreciate the gifts you have, rather than pining for what you lack. Sometimes, we all need to be reminded that the point of prayer isn’t to get what we want, but to ask to be of service. Cool Lemonade reminds us to only seek to be of service in our lives, closeness with Spirit must always be put before what we’d like to have.

What is to be learned in July:

Dancin’ Daisy 🌻

“Let’s just jump and see what happens.” - Joe vs. the Volcano

Dancin’ Daisy represents a new phase in life, the acceleration of all the events that happen. Daisy says “Come to me and jump beyond what you believe, into a new possibility.” It tells you take action where you may not have previously. Daisy is the life energy, she is connected to enthusiasm. Dancin’ Daisy is physical expansion and embodies in physical form the example we all seem. She represents a joyous time for you, a move, a job, or another significant change, such as a marriage. This also signifies taking a risk that will work with faith and trust. This is the moment after the leap, when you cannot see where you will land. The Daisy is reassurance that you will land on your feet, so keep the faith.

Daisy also represents radiant health. Spirit can only manifest through us if we honor the physical body we inhabit. This may mean that you need to adopt a good physical fitness regiment. Your will to heal yourself is great. If a man is attracted to this fable the indication is strong that he is pulling a new partner into his life. This is also an indication for him to look to a woman for his next brilliant idea. If a woman is drawn to this fable, she is the radiant being that is attracting all that she needs.

Yellow may be a lucky color 💛

[internetcatholicism]

Also, Larry Nassar, Jerry Sandusky, Jimmy Savile. Not just Epstein and Maxwell. I haven't seen Sound of Freedom and don't plan to, but the media and random people who denounce the movie, o.u.r, and sex trafficking as a conspiracy are umm idk willfully ignorant and/or doing so simply because it's a "right-wing" piece of media or related to qanon (which I don't really know what this is and don't want to know more than "it's right-wing lol"). All 5 people listed above were wealthy, famous, and powerful with connections to someone who knows someone who knows someone, and a lot was at stake to keep them in their current position, which perpetuated the easy access to victims. Would the people who laughed at sound of freedom also laugh at 'Athlete A' about Nassar or tell any of the kids that Jimmy abused under the guise of his make-a-wish style TV show that they deserved the abuse because they thought they were lucky to be on the show? These people were never on 4chans /b/ in early 2000s when CSA was posted ALL hours of the day. It's sad that the prevailing opinion about this film is "it's bait for MAGA conspiracy theorists" when ... The people who repeat that rhetoric literally only have to look up those 5 people (3 of whom have mountains of evidence spanning decades from hundreds of victims EACH) and realize... Hey wow CSA is real and I'm a piece of garbage for laughing at it. Why is the powerful media trying to disparage something that is real and tragic? I get that the film might be more dramatic than reality (reproductions are often dramatized, reality tv is ultra-dramatic), but drama is how you make people emotionally connect with something! Ugh! Do they want CSA presented in sterile, 1950s medical diction that is so boring and arrogant you can't hope to retain anything? I hope this is ok to send. I'm so sad for you.

Let it out anon, let it out.

Just to respond to what you said near the end, I have some interesting news for you.

Before Sound of Freedom, there was a documentary made called "Triple Take" which is about THE SAME OPERATION as is in the movie. So if you're worried about it being dramatized, you can check the actual footage of it and see just how dramatic it really was. Here's the trailer for that documentary: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESbg9TDZPzk

I agree that the reaction from the media and from the left has been a pretty horrific thing to take in. The fact that something came out and wasn't 100% left wing was enough for people to deny reality and disparage millions of child victims and heroes. It's disgusting. I wish I could fix it, but I can't, so I'm gonna do my best to get as many people in on the fight to end trafficking until all victims and stories are taken seriously. This is one of the most important problems the world is facing today and it needs to end.

[dorokora]

Climax (?) Part 2:

Yuuji ask the Alternate Yuuji if he believes what he’s doing is right. Taking resources from other worlds. Alternate Yuuji calls him a child. Justice is decided by the majority vote (oh we heard that one plenty of times in Housamo). If everyone says so, then that's what adults should obey, right? Yuuji finally understood. The identity of the disgust and fear that he holds. It’s like a prideful demon king towards prey. The "pride" that I speak of to the contradiction of "excuse". The horror that you can't look away. Yuuji understood the Alternate motives better than anyone. Because that is him without a doubt. Yuuji tells the Alternate that they didn't believe that they were right because everyone said so. That’s a twisted way of thinking. Alternate Yuuji tells him that’s how all children think. In the end, the happiest thing is to obey without making waves. Yuuji ask about the confession. Alternate Yuuji froze. Yuuji ask him why did you make a confession that made the other person and those around you say, "It's disgusting"? Alternate Yuuji knows Yuuji saw his memory. Alternate Yuuji ask him how can you say "I like a man, something that would make people look down on you", no matter who they are? Alternate Yuuji tells him that it hurts. Even if you have an infinite lifespan and the power to love the world. It's not good to imitate the resources that you want and destroy them. Alternate Yuuji will become the new hero. He will replace Yuuji. Alternate Yuuji trapped Yuuji in the core and hijacked his body. The spirit of the original owner of the body has been imprisoned there. So this time, HE will finally get his ideal happy ending.

Meanwhile the Main Yuuji is trapped watching Alternate Yuuji’s memory, accumulated in a huge storage device called Sylvester, spanning tens of thousands of years in subjective terms. One deceives another. One betrays another. A person hurts someone. Folly, malice, falsehood, inaction Violence, cruelty, in many worlds has been repeated. This is the history of people. No matter what he believes, there is no salvation. Because all values ​​are trampled equally. Parent-child love, lover's love, The bonds of master and servant, even all kinds of justice, history continues to deny the value of everything. If you expose yourself to endless malice and the flow of time, your heart will rot away. The first 100 years. Anger at people's folly dominated Alternate Yuuji's mind. And the next 100 years. He gave up on human beings who could not change. And another 100 years. And another 100 years, 100 years, 100 years, 100 years, 100 years, 100 years, 100 years, 100 years. Before you know it, entropy will dissipate, only a freezing coldness will rule your heart. Everything is in vain. All are helpless. The current Yuuji understands that. Why was that Alternate broken like that. If you keep watching this, it's only natural that the human spirit will break. No matter how much technology develops, the human spirit can't stand it forever. Nekros shows up to protect Yuuji. Nekros remember this despair. The voice that leaked out of the "Great Door" was the Alternate Yuuji. The owner of that voice is also in hell. Nekros gives Yuuji the usual pep talk. Meanwhile outside, the others can tell that that’s not Yuuji. The Alternate Yuuji started to smile creepily and speak coldly.

He starts attacking everyone but before he could get to Sol. Meteo managed to dragged him back into the Sylvester. Meteo was waiting for this moment. He had no choice but to make him think he was dead and create a stage for you to appear in front of Sol. Meteo tells him that the most important rule for the "administrators". It is forbidden to connect more than once between a person from the main world and another being from another world. Meteo destroys the Alternate soul destroying his own in the process. Meteo got his revenge. The moment when Meteo’s soul shatters, Sol hears his voice. Meteo tells him he’s sorry for using him as a tool for his revenge. But he had to do it for his former friends. He tells Sol that he was happy spending time with him and that he hope he has a long happy life. Meteo old friends flashes before his eyes and we see a younger Meteo (looks suspiciously like a younger Mononobe).

To be continued…

[derekscorner]

Fated Rantings: Bone of the Sword

I've done it, I've finally crawled my way from Fate/Stay Night 2006 to finishing Unlimeted Blade Works. Well, technically I started with FGO and watched Apocrypha first....

But that's not what's important! (at least, to me) What's relevant here is that I have finished what many consider the best adaption of the original Fate/Stay Night visual novel.

If you've found this at random or if you think Fate is an anime series allow me to clarify real quick. Fate/Stay Night is a visual novel, a type of game-book hybrid you play on pc.

Visual novels tend to have multiple routes, endings, and character scenarios that require more than one run. Something built with replay-ability in mind.

Due to this Fate/Stay Night is a video game series that's exploded into a setting that branches multiple media. The anime adaptions in particular seem confusing because they usually tackle different routes presented in that original novel. (some are fully unique stories)

Fate: Unlimited Blade Works specifically is the "Rin route" made into an anime. What makes it popular is the focus on Shirou Emiya but I also think that this small corner within the Fate world that Ufotable has made plays a huge factor.

Although terms, characters, and some events are shared each Fate work is typically it's own timeline of events. Each with one to several routes as equally valid as the other due to the String Theory setting the universe exists in.

So while each anime is it's own thing, can be watched as it's own thing, Ufotable in particular also connects them. Fate Zero is referenced rather heavily in Unlimited Blade Works.

(I'll refer to Unlimited Blade Works as "UBW" from here on)

I was actually surprised by this given what I know about how the author, ol Nasu, thinks about the parallel timeline setting. That does not make it unwelcome though.

If you watch Fate/Zero first and Fate: UBW second you'll feel like you've watched a three to four season story that spans two generations.

You may even feel more invested the side series El Melloi since Waver from Fate/Zero is the lead of that story but now ten years older.

In essence, UBW is great own it's own merit but the adaptions produced by Ufotable create this small pocket of continuity that can be appealing.

I rambled off a bit there, I apologize. Doing so helps me think but also helps me clarify points as I go, think of it as build up. I wanted to convey how these anime adaptions appeal to so many.

That said, you're likely confused as to why I said the focus on Shirou Emiya makes this story so popular. After all, it is based on the Rin Tohsaka route of the novel. She's the heroine here, so why is Shirou more of a focus?

To put it bluntly, it is because it focus' on the fucked up mentality of Shirou Emiya and how that manifests as Archer.

Rin gets plenty of focus herself. She's a good kid, more of a tsundere trope than she was in Fate 06, but it's nothing compared to Shirou's self destructive nature.

It was something I mentioned in relation to Saber's character when I finished Fate 06 way back when. I covered it only in relation to her own character and in how they both help "fix" each other.

What I did not realize back then is the likelihood that Shirou, albeit changed, was not deterred from his nature.

Dual Emiya

If episode 20 did anything it was showcase that Shirou is determined to die. Not in a literal suicidal fashion but in his stubbornness. He's unwilling budge on his ideals and goal even when he has his future self standing in front of him to tell him how much of a hypocrite he's being.

In fact, several times the story points this out to Shirou. Shirou's foolishness lets Caster steal Saber forcing her to endure much against her will.

Rin tells him several times how self destructive he is. After all, you truly can't save everyone nor can you do much for others if you die. Dying in the process of helping someone rarely actually helps. Fiction aside, you often just die trying.

You will likely find Shirou annoying as a result of his choices. Despite everyone and the world telling him he is wrong he won't accept that he is wrong. I've watched two Fate/Stay Night adaptions now, seen much more in lore vids and FGO, and I can't see him as anything other than a fool.

I will not sugarcoat it for you, Shirou Emiya is a fucking idiot.

However he is not a bad person nor is he a bad character. Like Rin states, it's hard to not like a person like that. Suicidal, sure, foolish, definitely, but that core drive to help other people is rare.

I personally do not hate his character. I will state again, I think he's a fucking idiot, but he is not bad. This flaw actually sells his character.

Heroic Spirit Emiya

This flawed personality manifests in a loose sense as Archer. The confrontation between the two is interesting to me for how quiet Shirou is throughout most of it.

Archer is the hero of justice Shirou hopes to be but Archer is also the Shirou that realizes he's a fool. Their entire battle is Archer trying to kill his past self in a vain attempt to end his own existence.

If not that, then he at least hopes to talk sense into his past self. Not once does Archer make a point that can be considered wrong. That may seem like an objective statement based on my subjective view of Shirous ideals but no.

I say that with confidence because Shirou himself admits it. As the fight progresses he sees glimpses of Archers life, Shirou's future. Archer states truths that Shirou didn't want to admit but is forced too.

Shirou is forced to admit his hypocrisy. He offers few rebuttals. Whether it's saying he'll "correct" the flaws in his view that creates Archer or avoid the mistakes that Archer experienced.

By the end he's forced to admit it is moot. Archer is right, even down to the dream Shirou strives for. To be a hero of justice wasn't Shirou's dream but Kiritsugu's.

A dream that Kiritsugu was forced to realize as impossible by the end of the 4th Grail war. A fact that Shirou did not learn.

Kiritsugu told his adoptive son that he had to give up on his dream but he did no tell him why. This was possibly the last bad decision Kiritsugu made in relation to his ideals as a hero of justice.

That does not mean that he should've (or even could've) told Shirou the truth of the war but it does mean that he likely shouldn't have mentioned magecraft or his lost dream to the boy.

Shirou suffers form extreme survivors guilt, he wanted a reason to justify him being alive, and so he adopted Kiritsugu's dream.

This, this realization, was probably the most interesting thing Archer forced Shirou to admit. If not to himself then to me as the viewer.

Shirou fully admits to his own hypocrisy, he embraces being a "faker" in the UBW route, but sticks to his dream anyway because it is worth it to him to validate Kiritsugu even a little.

What he remembers most from that fire wasn't being saved but seeing how finding even just one living person saved Kiritsugu from total madness.

In this vein Shirou isn't wrong. Even if everything from his ideals to his magecraft is imitations and borrowed they do have value. They can succeed where the original didn't.

Confused?

Having read that you probably feel like I just went in circles. If you do then that is natural because Shirou & Archer are arguing in circles.

They are self admitted hypocrites. There is no way to fix this logic.

If Shirou is forced to realize his hypocrisy and grim future then Archer is forced to remember his determination. UBW dives into Archer's logic but his character always falters in every Fate route.

You may even find it odd or jarring how he'll flip between oddly hostile to willingly dying to stop Berserker or give Shirou an arm. (yes that is literal)

There is a purity in Shirous dreams, as borrowed as they are, and Archer still has that buried under regret. It is a bit hard to explain, perhaps I just did not understand it well, but I take Archer's defeat as acceptance.

I do not think that he believes himself to be wrong, hell I do not think Archer is wrong, but he accepts that there is no fixing his path. Maybe, deep down, he also hopes that his dream wasn't a total mistake.

Shirou's Others

I started this knowing that I would likely have to make two posts anyway due to everything UBW throws at you but I've ended up making this one the Shirou & Archer post...

A part of this is basic info but that whole text wall between is all from just three episodes. The battle between Shirou & Archer adds that much to think about.

Shirou is molded by his other interactions to be sure but nothing in Fate dives as deeply into his mind and flaws as that battle did. And yes, I know where he ends up depends on the route (female lead) taken but they just do not dig that deep-

As soon as I typed that I made a bet with myself. Just you watch, when I sit through Heaven's Feel I'll prove myself wrong.

What I mean to say is that I didn't really fold Rin into this. UBW is technically her route or it's based on it to be technical.

While Saber & Shirou seem to naturally help each other with their flaws in that route Rin just tells Shirou when he's being foolish.

But I may need to save that for the part two of this post. I can't think of more to add due to how much that one battle overshadowed my impressions of Shirou.

I can explain Rin in the other post but aside the hypocrisy of his dream I can't draw on more. There is stuff there, the little things, like how Rin determines to help Shirou realize his self worth.

The whole epilogue episode is great, Shirou and Saber's friendship, and then there's the cute date scenes. There is more to Shirou in this adaption but none of them really dig into his motives. His realizations.

Oh well, onto part two!: https://derekscorner.tumblr.com/post/740393959245938688/fated-rantings-unaware-of-loss-nor-aware-of

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For my other experiences with Fate go here: https://derekscorner.tumblr.com/tagged/fated-rantings