#and honestly. idk why but recently hot pockets have been tasting bad for me.

[blurrymango]

Girl help I just realized I didn't eat anything today. Oh well.

[themissingmarvel]

Kind Regards, Detective [Part 4]

(A prelude of sorts. It’s another long one because it’s 1:38 in the morning and sleep eludes me the way it eludes the reader. Life imitates art. Anyway, things are moving and I do promise the next chapter is going to be kind of a big deal. Also I created an image I’ll be using for the series that I can’t introduce yet but it’ll also be tomorrow ((sunday??? idk)) so we shall see. Anyway, thanks for reading if you do, and ask to be tagged if you want. And if I forgot to tag you, yell at me.

Pairing: Detective Loki x fbi!Reader

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: Descriptions of violence, swearing, awkward flirtations

Catch up: [Part 1] // [Part 2] // [drabble] // [Part 3] 

Once the phone was plugged in to her laptop at the station, the encryption starting, Agent Cairns let her know it would be a few hours to get it all sorted into something they could use. He’d be encrypting the data and replicating the phone digitally to the laptop so they could use it as such without triggering the GPS. Hours, he said. Hours.

There was a feeling of anguish now in her body and she didn’t like it. David had become exceptionally quiet as he sat across the table this time, not next to her, going through the evidence that had been cataloged and documented. His face was fixed and she knew he was gone. She supposed it was fitting.

Taking the phone that was too large to fit in the pocket of her jeans, but that was on the table, and pressing a few numbers on the touch screen, she held it to her ears. It rang once.

“I thought you might have been ghosting me. You know, this is exactly why I disabled my Tinder account.”

The voice was smooth, though not as smooth as he wanted it to be. She imagined Adrian was like eating a Snickers when you wanted the chocolate mousse. Satisfying, tasty, but not really what you should be going for. 

She sighed, “You disable it three times a year, Adrian. Four, last year,” she shook her head, realizing she was falling into that same damn trap, “Listen, I got an email that the toxicology reports was taking a while. Is there a reason or is the agency backed up?” She wasn’t being smart with him, but serious. Focused. Enough so to miss the blue eyes looking up carefully and studying her. Watching her. Seeing her fidget as she shifted her weight from one foot to another as she stood instead of sat.

A brief pause played out and Y/N didn’t like it, “They found something. It’s not something we usually find, ladybug. Weird timing, though. The results came through about twenty minutes ago.”

Her heart stopped.

“So what did they find?” She knew there would be a run-of-the-mill sedative, aware the autopsies being done would find puncture marks on the bodies. Aware that this would be basic. God, it had to be.

“I honestly didn’t believe it, but they found a nerve agent in the bodies. I mean, it was still fresh so it was used recently, but it’s fucking VX, Y/N. Who the hell manages to get their hands on a nerve agent like that, let alone enough to kill twelve adults, and no one notices?” It was hard to rattle a man like Adrian. He was a few years older, but his cases had been gruesome. Not on purpose. He was given the affectionate nickname of the Grim Reaper, that Y/N never used, whenever he was on a case. This was not going to help his stats.

Pressing her hand against her forehead she winced and closed her eyes, “Do I actually need to ask you to find out if any labs or agencies reported anything missing?”

He sighed, “We both know that any companies that have something like this aren’t going to report it going missing. That kind of legwork takes weeks. It’ll be defense companies and agencies and that shit takes time. I’m sorry, ladybug. I am.” He was genuine this time. He was an asshole, but he felt bad. He knew a missing nerve agent wasn’t something anyone announced when they could cover it up.

Without a word she pulled the phone from her ear and ended the call, no goodbye, not to Adrian. Not today. Instead, she stared at the screen and spoke softly, “He took their breath away.”

By now David’s eyes were tearing into her, feeling the concern, the worry, the panic and able to piece together enough to know that it wasn’t good, “Who did?”

Y/N looked over at David, her eyes suddenly tired, “They were doused with a nerve agent, called VX. It literally shuts down your respiratory system and you die gasping for breath. It’s military grade, David. It’s considered a WMD by the United States and it was used to kill twelve random fucking people staged in a church.” 

The room was eerily silent as the two stared at one another. David was trying to understand what she had just said. Well, he understood it logically, but on the level of how someone commits murder, it was beyond comprehension, “How- I mean, it’s- but-” not even David could verbalize it.

Raising an eyebrow she kept her body lax, “How does someone get their hands on it? Honestly, what I’d like to know. But… this isn’t just some psychopath, David. This man isn’t a criminal as we understand him. And it almost doesn’t matter if we can even find someone willing to admit the chemical went missing, since the decay rate takes forever. He could have had this in his closet for years. And now he’s disabling phones?” 

Fear was a hard one for Y/N. Not because it was a difficult emotion to consider, but because it meant she was vulnerable. Being scared was one thing, but fear was permeating. She had seen so much and read so many different files. She wished, suddenly, the place had been a massacre. She wanted to be able to look at blood splatter marks and stab wounds. Signs of a struggle. But no. What they had was a fucking stack of romcom blu-rays, perfectly preserved bodies, a chemical agent banned by the United States Government, and missing phones. This wasn’t just ‘some guy’ anymore. It never had been. And maybe she always knew that. Maybe she knew when she had read the flowers were bred to be black, naturally, or that the letters were signed with perfect penmanship to each individual agent. But now it was real.

A ding came through, a text from Adrian that told her they were sending in a dozen 2-PAMs in epi-pen form. A dozen. Fuck. She wanted to thank him for even getting his hands on any, given the state of the world, though she supposed the FBI would also be sending over a nice little note forbidding them from disclosing the information with anyone on the case, other than the two of them. If word got out someone had this in their closet? No.

It had never been in David’s nature to be the caretaking type, but something roused him. Maybe it was the look in her eyes, the way her body had stopped fidgeting entirely and had become rubber. Perhaps even he had seen her hand shake. 

Pushing his chair back, David stood, “I’m hungry. And so are you, hamburger alarm be damned. Let’s get Chinese.” 

____

She had been quiet on the drive over to the restaurant David liked to go to when no one was around, and it was mid-afternoon by now. A few people were in the place, but nothing dramatic. A small table by the back was where the two had been seated, Y/N fidgeting nervously as she was clearly trying to process what was going on.

He didn’t like seeing her this way. 

“The usual to start?” A young woman approached, perhaps early twenties, David smiling appreciatively at her as Y/N looked away.

He nodded, “Two. And some tea,” he smiled, a smile that was genuine but nothing dramatic, a smile that meant he was actually smiling. Soft. Small.

It seemed to perk Y/N’s attention, “You really don’t strike me as the tea type. And why did you order my food?” Her face contorted as she felt herself pulled back to reality.

David grinned, “You weren’t answering so I got you egg drop soup. Relax. And tea is good for you. I think,” he smirked.

Y/N couldn’t help but scoff with a smile, shaking her head as she looked at him, “You’re so strange, Detective.”

He grinned, “I’m not the one who wanted a fairy tattooed on my ribcage.”

Her face was bright as her eyes widened, “Absolutely no, Mr. Neck Tattoo!” Her voice raised, though jovial. Bright. Warm. He liked it. It felt like how he expected tea was supposed to taste. Good for you. 

Smiling still, he thanked the waitress as she brought over two small cups of soup, the tea coming shortly thereafter. David poured the hot liquid into the small, white ceramic cups, one for each, “Fair. You’re a little weird too, though. It’s nice,” he lifted the cup and took a sip, glancing at her over it. For a second, the briefest moment, he could have sworn he saw her blush.

Picking up the spoon she had some of the soup, rather taken at how good it was. In her time traveling, she found that wasn’t uncommon for small, unassuming spots to have some of the best food around. Nothing you’d find on the Food Network, but delicious none the less. Good because it wasn’t trying to be. Because it just was.

“Your work with Dover and Birch was good shit, David. Little messy, but good,” she raised an eyebrow at him.

He leaned back and smirked. She liked that smirk. It told her he liked what she was saying, that he was listening. That he agreed with her and that he was present. It was a smirk that reminded her of the lingering smoke from a dying cigarette, brief, soft, but strong if you stood close enough. It would bring back memories and haunt you if you weren’t careful, “Hardest case I ever had, next to this. Parents sure as shit didn’t help.”

A soft chuckle left her lips as she nodded, “Family never does. Well intentioned, always. But you know what they say about the road to hell,” she held a hand up, “paved with good intentions.” 

They talked, after. For longer than either intended. It had been so long since anyone touched him the way she did. He didn’t think of the random women he had met in bars miles outside of Conyers where no one knew who he was. In this moment, of a strange kind of tragedy and trauma, he found himself bonding with a woman he had wanted to hate the moment he read her name on a piece of paper. 

And in truth, she felt similarly. She had been so unsure of what lay ahead in Conyers, beyond knowing she was unwelcome. But this didn’t feel like unwelcome. Detective Loki felt like strong arms she had once felt keeping her close, though this time she felt safe. She knew in this moment, the man across from her could protect her from more than just the bad guy around the corner. Shared trauma did that. Bonded you. She understood that a man like Detective Loki wasn’t a common occurance in the world and he was the thing you wished for when you finally caught the clock at “11:11”. 

The drive back had kept them both in a better space. Not to say either were ‘ok’ by any means, but they were better. An emotional connection, on a level one could never really quantify. It was one forged on battlefields, they both knew. A connection in the midst of war was one never forgotten or loosely held together. It was iron. It was solid.

Back at the precinct time moved fast. It was bearable only because they had each other, now. Focused on a sheet of paper, David would be briefly interrupted by Y/N shoving another one in front of him wordlessly, telling him without say so he needed to read it. He did. And he did the same to her. He had told himself that sitting next to her as they worked was so he could stay focused, but somehow he knew it was more than that. No bullets were flying at her head but he wanted to keep her safe just the same. He couldn’t hold her. He wouldn’t. 

Again the precinct had died and again the two had been left alone, waiting for that damn phone to be done processing and encrypting. 

And it was.

A soft ‘beep’ alerted Y/N the laptop had finished and the phone was ready for review. Popping her head up, her neck aching and her back sore, she felt her stomach suddenly rumble. Looking at the time, she saw the clock read ‘9:26pm’ on it. Concern washed on her features as David pulled his chair so close he was touching her, the woman reaching at her phone first and glancing. Her alarm had never gone off. Squinting, she shook her head, “Fucking technology… all right.” 

Putting the phone down, she opened up the application that looked almost identical to any cellphone interface. Shaking her head she sighed, “Technology is so weird… OK. So. If you were hiding something, where would you put it?” She spoke aloud, though not necessarily to David. She knew he was close, his leg against hers, shoulder-to-shoulder as they read the screen together.

“No chance we’ll find an app or some- oh, nevermind…” David trailed off, almost about to joke that people weren’t really stupid enough to put a dating app or a hookup app on their phone that blatant. But they were. And they did. 

Y/N glanced at him, “People are always that stupid, David. But the question is why a married woman has Tinder on her phone,” she double-clicked the app, bringing it up. No login required, IT had made sure of that, but she was curious what was on there. Deaths hadn’t been made public, save for a family’s choice, so the chance of someone ‘unmatching’ due to it was low. Both were rather surprised at the number of matches, however. Conversations littered the page and the pictures used were ones that you could perhaps make out who it was if you knew. And they did. But the profile requested someone for something ‘discreet’. 

Scrolling was unpleasant, at best, and Y/N rolled her eyes. Men desperate for hookups, many unanswered messages. Some answered. Some even with meetups planned. And of course the profiles messaging her were inoccuous. Other people looking for hookups. David documented any dates he saw, making sure to follow up with the individuals. No last names and private profiles made it hard, but they had something to go off of.

Beyond that, there was nothing, “If someone did meet her on this… he’s unmatched her. And if he’s good, he’s wiped himself. We’ll need to ask specialists in DC to get a release from the company to get records. See what we can scrounge. I’ll get that going, you keep browsing the phone. You’re a smart guy, you’ll know it when you see it,” she smirked briefly at him, David hiding his grin as she stood, the detective pulling the laptop to where he was.

Getting up, Y/N pulled out her phone, typing up a few quick emails on their encrypted and authorized server, the one that didn’t use Conyers’ piss-poor security. A few quick clicks and she sent out the requested information, reading a few others regarding 2-PAM being sent to the station for the morning. 

Fuck, that was fast.

“Ladybug, you OK? Hung up on me. Worried about you.”

Frowning at her phone she felt that tug again at Adrian. That desire to be close. Knowing he’d always just flirt. Like her sister told her once, Sometimes the asshole falls in love with you and sometimes you fall in love with the asshole. So eloquent.

“Fine. And don’t call me ladybug on here. You know this gets monitored.”

Ding!

“Should I text it to your cell then? Finally gonna give me that number?”

Shaking her head she clicked off the phone. That had been a point of contention with Adrian. He had her work phone, but her private one was her own. The flirtation was done in the office and she knew, knew that if he had her private line she would fall. Fall for a man who was emotionally incapable of being connected to her. She didn’t want to fall for a Snickers bar.

It was another hour of phone scanning and scrolling through emails she had been sent, knowing the autopsies would take longer to get back. Twelve bodies was a lot, and while patterns emerged, it took time. And families were involved… it was never easy. The job never was.

Her stomach roared, suddenly, wincing as she felt the ache of not having eaten. Even the detective looked up, raising an eyebrow, “Need to get some food?” 

Holding back another wince of pain that came from neglecting herself this long she nodded, “Probably. I should… I should head back anyway. You’re welcome to see if you find anything on the laptop but the app itself is pretty telling. See if we can deep scrub and get more data from it. Sort of ideal.” She sighed, pushing back her hair as she felt the need for sleep but the vague understanding it wouldn’t come. A fickle mistress.

Was it disappointment? David frowned a bit as he watched her, “I mean… I can drive you back. If you want, of course. We’ve got a three-star Taco Bell nearby,” he forced a smile. 

But Y/N felt herself tighten, her body, her thoughts, her emotions. He was pulling at a piece of her she didn’t like to think about. The piece all those boys in bars and officers in other districts never understood. He was fighting to fit in her life and she was finding that in only a few days he was doing a great damn job at it. She needed distance. Space. Safety. But he was safety, wasn’t he? God, this was complicated.

A thin smile painted itself onto her lips, “Raincheck. I’ll grab some takeout nearby. Hell, even some Ramen from the gas station sounds good. But I’ll meet you back here early. Get some rest, David.”

With that, she collected her things, not watching as the man who fought to keep the world out was fighting to keep it from overwhelming him now. There was chaos, and fear. Of course. But there was trauma. And there was a woman he felt so compelled to keep safe that it was unclear why, exactly. She didn’t remind him of some kid he knew growing up, or even one of those stupid ulterior motives. He felt a part of her that was good, and of all people he knew keeping the good stuff good was important. That was his work. She was an agent, though. Nothing stays pure forever.

As she packed her files into the rental that felt familiar and foreign, she didn’t think about what tomorrow might bring, or what the world held. She was distracted again. Words spoken to her in passing, a man getting to know her. A man with eyes that glowed when he was focused and who blinked more than most, tight blinks, when he was upset. Nervous. Scared. Angry. He had his tells. 

And as she drove back to her hotel with an acute awareness she wasn’t sleeping tonight, she ignored the tug at her gut that told her something was wrong. The calm before the storm. The flickering lights before the power goes out.

Sometimes you fall in love with the asshole.

But sometimes the asshole falls in love with you.

( @escapingthoughtsandsecrets @is-it-madness @oscarflysaac @detecellie @peccobagnaia​ @fgtakbrjbdl​ )

[purplesurveys]

526

Where did your last kiss take place? My car. I was dropping my girlfriend off at her place. Who is someone you look up to? My friends who’ve been in rough patches more than once but still manage to keep on keeping on. I’m just grateful that we’re all still here. The police just called your house. What is the reason why? It would most likely be because something happened to either my sister or my grandma (mom’s mom).  Look to the left. What catches your eye first? A gray pillow, a part of the wall, and a window slightly covered by a curtain. What was the last thing you ordered at Mcdonalds? I got iced coffee and curly fries last week.

Are you thinking about someone right now? Nah not really, I’m mostly thinking about the slew of emails I have to answer lmao ADULTHOOD  How many fingers do you have? 10. Why is Myspace copying Facebook? I barely caught Myspace so I wouldn’t know. Current smell? I can just...smell what our house smells like. Homey. Current taste? I had adobo for dinner but the taste isn’t lingering in my mouth anymore. Who are you talking to right now? Just this survey. Are you dating anyone? If so, how long have you been together? Yes, three years. But if we count the on-and-off-ness, it would be five years in 2019 hahahaaaaaaa What is your ringtone? I have an iPhone so I have the default ding sound for everyone, but Gab has the Marimba tone so that I’d know if a text came from her in particular. Everyone also gets the default ringtone for calls, but I changed Gab’s to the Alarm tone for the same purpose. How old will you be in 5 months? I’d still be 21, just a little older. Where is your Mum right now? She’s watching TV upstairs with my dad. What do you like to drink in the morning? Collllld water. But if I’m a little sleepy, I like to rely on coffee. Name of your pet? Kimi. Would you rather be attacked by a bear or a swarm of wasps? I’d rather like not be outside tnx. Make a shout-out to somebody: To Gabie’s former schoolmate: I never met you nor did you ever know me, but I hope life on the other side is treating you well. What piercing/tattoos do you have? Just my earlobes have piercings. I don’t have any other, nor do I have tattoos. I’d probably get a tat of my dog’s paw, but I don’t know when that would be. Last television show you watched was called? Breaking fucking Bad. What colour is your hair? It’s black. Is it naturally that colour? Yep, never dyed it before. How was your summer? It was pretty awesome. I interned at a PR company for a month, which was super eye-opening and fulfilling and basically secured my desire to be in PR instead of journalism. It exhausted me though so I spent the entire next month just bumming at home, which I didn’t regret at all – I deserved that break haha.  Did you go away on Holiday? Yeah. There was a long weekend recently because one of the Mondays was a local holiday, so we went out of town for that. Do you believe there is life on other planets? Why or why not? Yes. The universe is unimaginably huge and there’s no way we’re the only ones who managed to fully develop out here.

You have to make a sandwich. What do you put in it? I Google banh mi and just take the ingredients from that. What is a word that rhymes with “Umbrella”? Tarantula? What were you doing at 10:30 PM last night? I think I was taking the last survey I took before this. Who was the last person you talked to on the telephone? Gabie, this morning. I wanted company for a bit while driving. Would you rather have a pet shark or a pet snake? Idk if keeping them is good for either animal, but I’m *KIND OF* not opposed to having a snake. Name the illegal drugs you have taken in the past 4 months: None. What kind of shampoo do you use? Just normal, good ol’ shampoo. If I say “Lemons” what would you say? Stream Lemonade on Spotify. Hot tea or iced tea? Iced. You are at Starbucks, what are you about to order? If I didn’t have to worry about budget? A grande iced caramel macchiato and a Monte Cristo sandwich. Who is the most beautiful person you know? Audrey Hepburn. Does pepper make you sneeze? Haha yeah, but only when I breathe or sniff directly into the shaker. Otherwise it’s fine. Do you miss anyone right now? I miss my girlfriend, my original friend group from my org (most have graduated and there’s like, 4 of us left still enrolled), and people from high school. Is there something blue within 10 feet of you? I’m wearing a navy blue hoodie at the moment. What colour is your bedroom painted? Do you want to re-paint it? White. I wish it were a very light pastel pink. What is in your pocket? Nothing. My ID was in it today but I’ve since taken it out. Arent you excited for the new Alice In Wonderland film to come out in 2010? I wasn’t. I didn’t see it. Hottest actor in your opinion? Kristen Stewart. You are making a film about your life. Who is starring as you? ^ Her, plz. Current song you are playing: Unconditional Love by Against Me! What was the last thing you put into your mouth? Coffee that’s gone cold. Where will you be within the next hour? I think I’ll be upstairs in my room by then. Ever wanted to tell someone something, but couldnt? Yes. I dunno if I’ll ever have the courage to tell Gabie I keep a Tumblr where I answer thousands of questions just about myself hahaha. I don’t know if she’ll get it, but I’ve been itching to tell her for a while now. Name 5 things you look for in a relationship: I’m a demi, so it really varies. I just have to have a close bond with the person, and the qualities would follow suit. What size is your shirt? Extra small. Extra extra small, if possible.  Is anyone getting on your nerves right now? LOL for a while now. Someone from the org who has never contributed to any of the projects we work on.  Who was the last person you held hands with? Gab. What did you eat for dinner? My dad made adobo wings for dinner. He was supposed to make like WINGS wings, but my mom suddenly texted him to pick her up, so he had to make something else on short notice. Adobo’s the easiest dish to make, so he whipped that at the last minute instead. What time is it currently? 9:32 PM. Do you know how to use chopsticks? Nah. Whenever I do, I 100% fake it. Trust me. When was the last time you went to the dentist? Couple of years ago, I think. If an ex said they hate you, what would you say? I don’t have any. Can you honestly say you would die for someone? With no hesitation. One wish: A big house.