#and honestly my fic burnout is strong

[radiantmocha]

I love this response!! I love Kieran's little quirks, and it's extremely interesting to see how the different aspects of Juliana and her mom's relocation impacted her. I love how the Paldea Trio go about handling her and making her feel safe and loved.

The two of them clicking as soon as they meet feels so right to me. 🤭

Totally fine! Nothing bad ever happens to the Pokémon characters! /ref

I've been thinking a lot about what the AU versions of the main SV/DLC cast were like as kids from planning the newest entry to NSOD. If you feel comfortable answering, what were Eavesdropper Kieran and Juliana like when they were their canon ages?

Hi Mocha! 💜 Sure, happy to answer.

Kieran at 14 was a lot like what we see in the games - introverted, very much enamored with the Ogerpon myth, and feels like he doesn’t fit in socially. He keeps to himself and tends to draw in a little pocket sketchbook or sing to himself when he’s alone or doing chores for Yukito and Hideko.

Julie at 14 was…going through it. Girlie had just stepped off a plane into Paldea with literally nothing but the clothes on her back and Appy, and still reeling from leaving the situation with her dad back in Galar. She’s quiet and sullen in her first days at Uva, but Nemona is very patient with her and finally gets her to laugh. She doesn’t talk about herself much, but Arven gets her to open up over a good meal. She tries to make herself useful and be someone people like, but Penny helps her loosen up by having movie and game nights together.

When Kieran and Julie finally meet, something clicks.

Kieran feels seen and loved for who he is for the first time by someone who isn’t family. Julie feels loved and safe with him, and has hope that love is something she can have for herself.

And then Teal Mask & Indigo Disk happen… but so does Mochi Mayhem so it’s fiiiiiiine.

[celestie0]

hi friends, i won’t be posting or updating any of my works for an indefinite period n will be on hiatus from this blog as well.

i’ve unlisted kickoff & ihm on ao3 (haven’t deleted, they’ve just been made private) and i’ve unpinned my masterlist here on tumblr (again nothing’s been deleted so you could probably find the chapters if you searched my tags)

but the reason i did that is because i don’t want any new readers finding my works during my hiatus because i don’t want to potentially upset more people in the event that, during this hiatus, i decide that i would no longer like to write my fics

that would be an insanely sad decision to make. i put so much thought into my stories not because i am trying to make them entertaining, but it’s because they genuinely mean so much to me and are cathartic in ways i can’t describe. i have spent a great majority of my life self negating for the sake of others, and so writing was just a form of expression where i could talk about all the things i’ve suppressed over the years - anxiety, career stress, financial stress, avoidance, depression, loss, coming of age, navigating love, etc

but lately, and i do think it’s been a build up of just some careless words from a handful of people over the months, i find myself steering towards a practice of writing that is no longer asking the question “how can i put as much of myself in this piece as possible?” but rather “how can i make sure people won’t criticize this…i feel awful that it doesn’t have what they want it to have…other creators are doing xyz, should i be doing that too?…i’m just scared to share this”

not exactly sure when that shift in headspace began, but as of right now, it’s as strong as ever. and i understand that those questions may seem irrational, and i just have to try to not focus on the feeling, n i wish i was someone that could compartmentalize those thoughts better, but here’s the thing — the whole reason i started expressing myself through writing in the first place was because i’ve spent my whole life compartmentalizing. it would feel so ironic & untrue to the lessons i’ve learned in this journey if i just chose to “suck this up” and continue pushing forward until i reach a point of burnout simply because i don’t want to upset anyone

i’m really sorry i couldn’t focus on the positive. especially with all the insane n incredible amount of love n support i’ve received for my works. i’ve said this time n time again but when i started posting kickoff to ao3 back in january of this year, i had NO idea it would be this loved by so many people…i was like ok can’t wait to interact w these four readers for the rest of the year…and then BAM, i find myself fully sobbing after each chapter update because i was so touched by all the sweet n kind words. i don’t want this decision to come off in a way that makes it seems like i don’t love u guys sm or that i’m ungrateful — i’ve always taken pride in respecting my audience. even for a simple hobby, i try to put effort into my works. i proofread, i plan out, i edit in length, all because i am, well, for one, i’m a bit of a perfectionist LOL but also i think there’s a great deal of honor in respecting an audience that gives you their time n attention

but i already am struggling in my life to focus on the positive. medicine has been such an incredibly daunting career to pursue, i’m honestly only doing slightly better now because i’m just filled with relief that i got into med school to begin with lol it’s still surreal to me, so the stress has been kinda manageable so far on that sense of optimism, but dear god the shit i went through to get here…and the shit i know i still face ahead of me. i spend all of my serotonin on trying to stay positive in the face of my responsibilities. so all of this time i’ve spent trying to stay positive for the sake of my stories too has just left me with so much exhaustion — i just don’t see why posting my works should be anything less than fun and endlessly exciting when it’s a hobby that’s supposed to help me thru the actual brunt of life.

anyways, i’m getting a little carried away here. all this to say, i just need to take time away from posting my works so i can see writing as something for myself n not for others again. i don’t want the thoughts swimming in my head to be thoughts of anxiety over people potentially criticizing me n my creative decisions. i want the thoughts in my head to once again be positive, excited, and nurturing towards my stories. i don’t see how i can accomplish that at this point unless i start writing for myself once more, and not for others

i still have a great deal of passion to write, which is why i haven’t formally taken down my works. i anticipate that i may be able to come back in the future to share my writing again. but as of right now, i just want to heal the relationship that i have with this hobby, and i feel like that’s gotta happen in private (lmfao it sounds like im tryna freak my writing)

i’m sorry that i turned off my asks n my replies, i know so many of u care about me n want to support me n i just am beyond thankful. i don’t anticipate this is a forever goodbye, but i do just need some time rn away from all of this.

hope u all have a happy time!! and take care of yourselves :) much love

- ellie

[24hlevi]

— the bet

natalie scatorccio (yellowjackets) x gn!reader

genre: fluff

summary: being enemies with nat was eventful, to say the least. until a bet is made that you'll fall for nat by the time states come around. will that happen? or will you two remain enemies?

warnings: language, light nsfw, drug usage (marijuana)

wc: 3.5 k

my first yjs fic please don't kill me i lowkey hate this but here we go

natalie scatorccio was the type of girl you never imagined yourself to even speak to. not because she was a “burnout”, or because she was drunk or high the majority of the time, but because of the way you two were polar opposites. she was on the soccer team, she had a rough home life, and spent most of her time with the other delinquents on campus, while you were in the newspaper club usually taking pictures of the sports teams, had a decent family life, and spent all your time with school.

and for some reason, since the first meeting, you two had a strong disliking for each other.

maybe it was the way she always taunted you with that damn smirk on her face, or how she would sometimes blow her cigarette smoke in your direction just to get you irritated. you didn't know why, but you hated her. in the beginning, at least.

you were friends with the other girls on the team, which meant wherever they went, nat was there too. so you unfortunately were forced to deal with her annoying antics towards you. the girls noticed fairly quickly how much you two hated each other, and decided to do something about it.

…

“shauna i don't understand why i need to be here when it's for your team,” you said to your friend. you were currently in her car while she drove you to jackie’s house where the team was going to have a “bonding” exercise. for some reason, shauna insisted that you come with. you had no idea why, but were forcefully dragged into her car so you were stuck with going.

“because you're our friend too,” shauna replied, keeping it short with her eyes on the road.

“i know that but,” you let out a huff of annoyance. “i don't wanna see her.” you mumbled.

shauna glanced over at you for a split second before back at the road. “i honestly doubt she'll be there, it’d be a rare sight to see her in such an environment like jackie’s house,” she said in response. obviously she knew who you were talking about, it was incredibly clear when that scowl would form on your face just thinking about having to deal with nat again. which is exactly why she was doing this. well, the whole team. even jackie was for the idea, as long as it meant nat wouldn't be distracted on the field anymore. so, it was the whole team setting up you and nat.

you arrived at jackie’s house a few minutes later, seeing the other cars outside telling you that the others were already there, and you could feel yourself already getting irritated at the thought of having to communicate with nat.

“come on y/n, don't pout like a puppy,” shauna chuckled lightly as the two of you walked inside the giant house.

“i’m not pouting,” you grumbled.

“y/n!” jackie exclaimed, running towards the two of you. “i’m so glad you made it!” she smiled widely at you.

“it’s no problem,” you smiled back. “i wasn't doing anything tonight anyway, my parents are out of town.”

“perfect!” jackie clasped her hands together. “follow me and we will start!”

you followed behind jackie besides shauna, noticing the quick glance they gave each other but choosing to ignore it seeing as they always had those weird glances with each other. the three of you made it to the living room where the rest of the team was sitting on the couches and chairs. your eyes immediately landed on the one girl you didn't want to see, and a scowl formed on your face before looking away.

she was wearing that same leather jacket she always seemed to wear outside of practice, and you found yourself taking another glance at her only for her to already be looking at you, making you quickly avert your gaze.

“all right! now that everyone is here,” jackie stood in front of everyone. “i think we all know why we are here, and it's not for a team bonding exercise, sorry!”

your expression turned into confusion, and apparently you were the only one confused, until you saw nat with the same look on her face.

oh no. no. you thought to yourself. there's no way. if this was some sort of thing to make you and nat be friends you were going to kill shauna for forcing you into her car.

“so, there's been something we’ve noticed as a team dealing with one of us being…distracted, during practice and games,” jackie started, trying to look at everyone but continuously going between nat and you. “so, we need to fix that! nat, will you please stand?”

with a confused look still on her face, nat stood from her spot in the recliner. “what the hell is going on here, jackie?” she asked with a sigh.

“you’ll see,” van chuckled but quickly went quiet after tai sent her a glare.

“now y/n, please stand,” jackie said to you.

you rose from the couch and looked at jackie trying your best to ignore nat.

“come here, both of you,” jackie waved her hands gesturing for the two of you to come closer.

you slowly took a few steps forward, watching as nat stepped closer as well, until you both were standing in front of each other with jackie in between.

“jackie, i really don't understand what-”

suddenly you were cut off by being grabbed by the wrist by jackie who grabbed onto nat as well.

“follow me!” jackie said to you two before dragging you both behind her.

you opened your mouth to protest but caught a glance of the other girls’ faces and realized this is the “bonding exercise”. it wasn't supposed to be for the team. it was supposed to be for you and nat. you let jackie drag you down the long hallway, not listening to nat trying to pull out of jackie’s surprisingly strong grip before jackie opened a door to a guest room, pushing you two inside.

“you two are staying in here for an hour and you will become friends,” jackie told you both.

“what?!” you exclaimed. “that's what you brought me here for?!”

“you’ll be fine, y/n!” shauna said behind jackie, peeking her head over the other girl’s shoulder.

“jackie, i swear to-” you took a step forward and jackie immediately closed the door in your face, and you heard a click from the door. you tried to open the door, only for it now to be locked. “jackie!” you called, smacking your hand on the door. “jackie, i will kill you!”

“you’ll love me for this!” she said through the door. “it's just one hour!”

footsteps were heard leaving the area and you let out a long sigh. you turned around to see nat with her arms crossed over her chest, and you let out an annoyed huff.

“did you know about this?” you asked.

“of course not,” nat shook her head. “i didn't wanna be here in the first place,” she mumbled afterwards.

“well, that makes two of us,” you replied.

the room was filled with silence after that, and after a few minutes you felt like you were going to go insane. you glanced around at the bland room before your eyes landed on nat again, who was staring at you.

“do you have a problem with me or something?” you asked her finally.

“what?” she questioned, looking at you confused.

“you're always staring at me,” you said. “and you taunt me constantly, always blowing smoke in my face, or so close that i can practically taste the alcohol in your breath.”

“tsh,” she scoffed, rolling her eyes. “i do that with everyone.”

“bullshit,” you snapped. “you don't do it to your teammates and you don't do it to those two drunkards you hang around.”

“and?” she said.

“and?” you repeated, getting angrier at every response she was giving. “so what the fuck is your problem with me? is it because i don't take pictures of you on the field or something?”

“oh fuck you,” nat spat. “i don't need pictures taken of me.”

“you wish,” you replied with just as much venom in your voice.

“maybe i do, since you think everyone has some massive fucking crush on you or something,” nat took an angry step towards you.

“me?” you half-laughed, also taking a step forward. “don't you suck dick for some weed and booze?”

“at least i know who i am,” nat glared at you.

“you don't,” you retorted. “you don't have a goddamn clue who you are or what you want.”

“you don't know a fucking thing about me,” nat pointed her finger at you. “i’m at least not a fucking coward who can't admit what they feel.”

“oh you feel things?” you feigned shock. “what a surprise, natalie scatorccio feels things! like what exactly?”

“that i fucking hate you,” she told you and took another step closer.

“i hate you,” you said in response.

you two stared at each other for a few seconds, then suddenly nat took one more step and smashed her lips on yours. your shock went by in a mere second, and you quickly kissed back with just as much passion. her arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer to her as your hands found their way to her hair.

when you both pulled away to breathe, you wanted to smack that damn smirk off her face.

“i knew you had a thing for me,” nat said teasingly.

“i do not,” you scoffed, shaking your head. “i have zero feelings for you.”

“i bet i can change that,” she challenged.

one of your eyebrows raised at that. “oh really? are you challenging me?”

“uh-huh,” she nodded. “i’ll bet you that by the time states come around, you'll have fallen for me.”

“and what are we betting exactly?” you asked.

“weed and booze?”’ nat flashed a cocky smile at you.

“i suppose, only since i can easily get some,” you nodded.

“easily? shit, i guess i should've done this sooner,” nat let out a chuckle.

“you wish,” you replied with an eye roll.

“oh, i do,” she whispered and leaned in to kiss you again.

that was how the bet started. you didn't think she was serious until the monday back to school and she found you during lunch period. now instead of the annoying antics, it was a whole new type of annoying behavior with her trying to convince you to smoke just one joint with her, maybe something crazier if she has it, and the flirting that she was now constantly doing.

one day, you decided to take the joint just to please her and shut her up.

you invited her over to your house, knowing she wouldn't want you at her place, and while it took a bit of convincing to get her there, it all worked out in the end.

the two of you were sitting on your bed, a random movie playing on your television you got for your birthday while nat was about to light the joint in her hand. you took your parents ashtray from their room for nat to use, and as soon as she lit it, you weren't paying attention to the movie anymore.

she immediately noticed your stare not leaving her as she took the first drag of the joint, turning her head to the side to blow the smoke out and avoid your face. then she came up with a bright idea.

“you wanna try?”

“what?” you asked, confused.

“just take one small hit from it, you’ll live,” nat said, handing the joint towards you.

with a minute of hesitation, you reached for the joint and held it up to your lips, inhaling the smoke and feeling it invade your lungs as you coughed and blew the smoke out.

“see? you're okay,” nat flashed a small smile at you, taking the joint back from you. “come here,” she said, waving her unoccupied hand.

you moved closer to her, and watched as she inhaled the smoke and held it in for a few seconds. she then held your face in her hands and leaned in, kissing you deeply while blowing the smoke into your mouth at the same time. your hands grasped her hoodie as you felt the smoke trail into your mouth, your eyes closing at the feeling of nat’s lips on yours.

when nat pulled away and looked at you, the way you opened your eyes and gazed back at her made her want to just kiss you over and over again. so with another drag of the joint, the process repeated until the whole joint was gone and nat was between your thighs making you feel things you had never felt before.

she never let you live that one down. proceeding to then ask over and over again if you’ll smoke with her again even if nothing happens, she just can't keep her hands to herself when she's high around you. she loves the way your warm skin feels against her cold hands, she loves gripping your waist to tug you closer to her, and god does she love the way you taste on her tongue with her hands clamped on your legs keeping them open. she couldn't get enough of you.

and you found yourself falling for her, just like you said you wouldn't. in the beginning it was easy to deal with her annoying behavior towards you, but over time you enjoyed it more, because you realized she was being genuine with you.

the night you realized you had indeed fallen for nat was when she came to you after a long day of arguing with her mom’s new boyfriend, drenched in the rain from walking the whole way.

“nat? it's like, midnight,” you said when you opened your front door to see the blonde standing there.

she looked like a puppy that had just gotten kicked out of their house, looking at you with sad eyes, her makeup trailing down her cheeks.

“come in,” you grabbed her hand and pulled her inside.

she was silent the whole way to your bedroom, even when you handed her a spare pair of her clothes she “accidentally” left the last time she was at your house. you let her take a shower as you stared at your tv, now completely awake and likely not going to get back to sleep until the early morning. when nat walked back into your bedroom, you waved your hand to gesture for her to come to you.

she stood in front of you as you sat on the bed, swiveling around to face her. your arms wrapped around her, gently pulling her closer to you as you peered up at her.

“you can always come here if you need anything, okay? i don't want you to have nowhere to go,” you told her in a soft voice.

“thank you,” she finally spoke quietly.

you nodded your head. “c’mon, you can sleep here tonight.” you tugged on the hem of her shirt.

“are you sure?” she asked.

“mhm,” you nodded again.

you scooted over so she could get in next to you and she slowly got in the bed, laying next to you awkwardly.

“are you okay?” you asked.

a head shake was the response you got.

“do you wanna talk about it?” was your next question.

another head shake in response.

“okay,” you nodded your head. “you don't have to.”

nat rolled over onto her side to face you, and you couldn't help but stare at her beautiful bare face without any makeup on. she could feel your gaze on her, and it made a red hue form on her face.

“why’re you staring at me?” she whispered.

“because you're beautiful like this,” you answered back in a whisper.

“you don't mean that,” she shook her head.

“i do,” you replied. “call me crazy but i like this version of you too.”

“mm,” she hummed, her eyes avoiding yours. “you don't think i’m some kind of burnout that's a burden to you?”

“never,” you shook your head. you carefully reached one of your hands to touch her cheek. “you will never be a burden to me, nat. i can promise you that. if you have nowhere to go, then i’ll be here. if you have no one else to rely on, i’ll be here. okay?”

“okay,” she said quietly.

you flashed a small smile at her before slowly wrapping your arms around her and pulling her closer to you. she quickly relaxed into your touch, resting her head on your chest with her own arms gripping you tightly as if she was worried you would disappear suddenly.

there was a nice, calm silence that filled the room now, and nat was close to falling asleep when she heard you whisper something quietly that made her feel something she hadn't felt before.

“i love you.”

she thought it was a dream when she woke up the next morning, not believing that those were the words you spoke to her thinking she was asleep.

nat woke up first due to the sun peeking through your curtains, making her groan quietly and open her eyes, blinking a few times to adjust to the light. she glanced at you beside her still asleep and realized your arms remained around her through the whole night, making a warm feeling radiate through her body. she rested her head on the pillow again and silently stared at you while you slept.

she was thinking about what you had said before she fell asleep. she was unsure if she was just imagining it or if you actually said it. she didn't know if she should question it, not wanting to ruin the closest thing she had to someone who genuinely loved her. but, she wanted to ask so badly at the same time. she wanted, no, needed to know if you were being serious. it would tear her apart if you were lying or just saying it to make her feel better. nat shook her head at the thought of you lying about it. surely, you wouldn't lie about something like this.

“are you gonna stay staring at me or is a good morning too much for you?” you groggily asked nat, opening your eyes slowly.

nat’s face immediately turned bright red at your words, and she quickly averted her gaze. “sorry,” she mumbled quietly.

“chill, i’m just playing,” you giggled. “did you sleep?”

“yeah,” nat nodded. “thanks for letting me stay.”

“of course,” you smiled at her.

silence filled the room after you responded. nat kept giving short glances to you and quickly looking back away and back down at the bed. it was obvious that she was thinking about something, so you decided to question it.

“what’re you thinking about?”

she immediately shook her head slightly. “nothing.”

“i can tell it's something,” you moved closer to her, carefully pushing some of her hair out of her face. “what is it?”

nat avoided your eyes, looking down. “did you mean what you said last night?” she asked in a small voice.

you stared in silent shock for a few seconds, not knowing that she had heard you. “you…heard that?” you said slowly.

all nat did was nod as a response, still not looking at you. you didn't know what to do, either. this was definitely not the way you wanted it to come out, but it looks like you were going to have to work with it.

“i meant it,” you said suddenly, making nat now look at you. “i thought you were asleep which is why i said it but, i meant it. i love you, nat.”

she gazed back at you with slightly widened eyes, trying to process what you said and when she did, she felt her heart beating incredibly fast. “i love you too,” she whispered.

a smile quickly grew on your face and you cupped nat’s face in your hands, leaning in and kissing her. you could feel nat smile into the kiss, and when you pulled away, your smile grew bigger seeing the same one on her face.

“so, does this mean i win the bet?” nat questioned in a teasing tone.

“yes, you won the bet,” you laughed lightly. “i’ll get the stuff tomorrow.”

“wait, you were serious about getting it easily?” nat asked, now serious.

“yeah, my cousin gives me cheap prices,” you nodded, saying it nonchalantly.

“holy shit i think i just fell more in love with you,” nat grinned at you, wrapping her arms around you and kissing your cheeks. “are your parents gonna be home this weekend?”

“nope,” you answered with a smile. “so i’ll stash it all until you get here.”

“god, you're amazing,” nat responded, now starting to kiss all over your face. “we’ll have such a fun time.”

“you just want me to smoke with you again.”

“oh yeah, a hundred percent.”

[bleachbleachbleach]

Hiiiii, re ur post abt goals and the whole being more active in the community thing -- I'll try to remember to interact with u more than just liking/reblogging things! I've been super quiet on my own blog since I had burnout two years ago but I'm trying to get back into doing more than just occasionally posting fic, and honestly I love a lot of ur head canon posts and metas etc. I probably won't read any of ur fic because I'm a Bit Weird in that for some reason I hate reading fic in the fandoms I write for (but still love metas and headcanons? Brains sure are weird) but everything else I'll try to actually Write Words instead of letting my thoughts stay in my head!

This is such a sweet message! <3333333

I would totally welcome conversation, and it’s great to know that you are open to it, too. Because I feel like Tumblr as a platform runs on a parallel play model on purpose, and most people probably just want to do that, and my hesitation in going full throttle about using Tumblr the way I would want is my fear that it is going to be obnoxious/overbearing/overwhelming (e.g. driving people to madness via “Why is this person talking to me… I didn’t want to talk to them...”).

It’s so funny you should say that, re: enjoying hcs/meta but not fanfic in your writing fandoms, because I think about that divide a lot! Half the time I spend writing most* headcanon posts is actually time spent workshopping “sooooo…. how do I say this without saying ‘well, in my fanfic…’” because it’s probably something I already wrote in fanfic or notes for fanfic, but 1) I want to talk to people about it, and the chances that I will get to if it’s written in a fanfic are fairly slim, and 2) I want to hear other people’s versions of it, too. In their fanfic, if they write fanfic, but also their posts or tags!

But that can be complicated because in my mind, [insert headcanon post topic] tends to be fairly situated in context—the context of fic things having happened, or things that are going to happen, or thematic undercurrents/relationships—so it becomes a project in trying to make the proposition NOT sound completely bananas without that context/something being written in a particular way. Which can sometimes be its own kind of fun and is sometimes like “good grief, I could have simply been writing more fanfic!” (I feel like I should emphasize here that no one should feel obligated to read my fanfic. I mean, I want people to want to read it! But I very much do not want anyone to feel like they Have To or like they need to explain why they’re not!)

Our approaches are opposite, in that my brain is fanfic forward, both for myself and for others’ fanfic. But I do feel like a lot of RP blogs share your orientation re: not wanting to read other versions of the character they write for! I don’t know if this is where you, specifically, are coming from, but I’ve read on some of the RP blogs that it has a lot to do with having a strong investment in their own particular color on things, and wanting that centered and front of mind. (Which isn’t to say that sentiment isn’t true of most people, I think, because otherwise they wouldn’t write them that way—it’s true of me—but ymmv on how much someone wants to see the other iterations.)

For me, I know that I’m a lot less adventurous about Interpretations That Excite Me for my blorbos than other characters I might read for. Like, to use a silly example, in my mind Soi Fon is 100% Lesbian (which stands out in my headcanon space because I generally assume most everyone in Bleach would be on some level willing to get down with most anyone else), but did I click on Soi Fon/Vegeta when I came across it anyway? Absolutely I did. I barely know who Vegeta is. But my down-to-clown boundaries with Soi Fon are very low, nearly tabula rasa, so go get Vegeta, girl!!!! Whereas for like, Hitsugaya, I’m probably not going to read Hitsugaya/Vegeta because I am not actually a crossover person, my knowledge of DBZ is limited to The Osmotic Experience of Having Grown Up in the 90s, and my favorite version of Hitsugaya’s sex life is the absence of one.

*Of course, there are other headcanons posts in the omake/filler vein that are simply too dumb (affectionate) for me to want to write full fanfic of, like the Gotei regatta or the Gotei bowling league, or that “I think the average shikai user would probably be pretty good at driving a car but they would NOT be considerate or lawful users of said car” post.

[pseudowho]

hello there! i’ve been following you since the beginning of the year I think and absolutely LOVE your nanami fics (especially the papamin ones)

more of a personal ask: how did you manage to balance your time and stay motivated while doing your studies, growing your career, and having a family? it’s definitely possible (hello, you’re proof) but i sometimes feel overwhelmed with just my undergrad uni coursework.

as a fellow future healthcare worker (hopefully), I get bits of your life and am like omg she’s so smart and inspiring while also being like i am falling behind and should be doing so much more rn if I want to be this cool later in life 🙃. maybe it’s different since I’m across the pond in ‘merica but still, fellow overachiever here so what is rest and reasonable thinking? we don’t know her 😭

I'll be honest, my secret is...

💕✨ High-functioning anxiety, with perfectionism, a little dash of competitiveness, and a constant belief that I am not currently meeting my maximum potential, with the overwhelming sense of responsibility that the weight of making the lives of others around me better, is on my shoulders, because I'm strong and capable ✨💕

Get yourself a dose of that, my love (actually don't, the pressure is absolutely incredible, every day I feel like a failure).

Quite honestly, I'm extremely hard on myself. It makes me burn the emotional candle at both ends if I'm not careful, and I struggle to rest. It takes a lot for me to burn out, but when I do, I burn out like a firework.

Listen, I am one for pushing yourself to be the best that you can be. I would never expect you to damage yourself in the process though. You will have good days, where you can do everything and more, and bad days, where you struggle to do the bare basics. That's fine, and healthy, and okay.

I wouldn't put me on a pedestal. While I'm extremely productive, I will probably die young of stress-related causes. You should focus on your Uni work, without any side-pressures; you'll probably find the Uni work less overwhelming when you're not thinking of all the vicarious side-pressures that you're 'not achieving'.

Between the ages of 21 and 30, I got married, I had three babies, climbed my career ladder while my husband climbed his (and with little to no childcare, just being ships in the night), had a Higuruma-grade burnout meltdown, and started writing for the first time. Not a scrap of my twenties went untouched.

It's too much, I'll be honest.

So...don't aspire to be like me. Take it slowly. None of the things you can achieve come without effort, or quickly. But by the time you turn 30 and look back on your twenties, you will almost certainly have come so, so much further.

Love, as always, and you're doing so well.

-- Haitch xxx

[journey-to-the-attic]

Hi Kin. I wanted to ask, how did you manage things like writer's block or creative burnout while writing JTTA? I'm midway through a longfic now and it's kind of exhausting. I feel like I'm whining but I barely get any comments or asks or anything.

hi anon! honestly i'm not sure if i was the right person to ask this, because i... kind of didn't? as in, i didn't really have these problems - boring answer, i know!

i got lucky because i hit a sweet spot where the base story and characters were strong, but with just enough gaps in plot, worldbuilding, development, etc. such that the momentum of filling everything in carried me through the whole process. but there were definitely a lot of occasions where i sat there thinking "okay i have no idea what to do now"

in those cases, often i had to just step back and ruminate on it for a little while - i've pretty much constantly got little ideas bouncing around my head, and sometimes they hit each other like snowballs and form into more fully-fledged plot points, scenes, dialogue, so on. i try to keep track of these in notes apps, personal discord channels, etc, and dip into them if i'm stuck on something!

not sure if your fic is for obey me, but this could still apply even if not - with all the pop quizzes and devilgrams that put the characters in a bunch of new contexts, it's helpful seeing how that character's static vs dynamic traits persist/change depending on them, and often that'll give you inspiration as well. depending on what you've got available, you could browse through source material, or brainstorm aus, whichever you enjoy most

i'm really not sure HOW i've stuck with obey me for so long, but somehow it's just stuck with me. i don't remember being so invested in it before jtta, so that's probably why, but i just really love these guys, and i suppose that's why i never burnt out of it? i think it was also because i knew what story i wanted to tell, and i really wanted to make sure ik got her happy ending, and that carried me through as well

seriously, though - do take breaks. every writer's mileage varies, so take a step back whenever you need to. writing fics should be fun! sometimes it does feel like a chore, and it becomes more like 'the only thing i hate more than writing is not writing', but it happens to all of us. sometimes you've just got to rest until your second wind comes along

in terms of comments and such... yeah, it's a tough one! the unfortunate thing is that a vast majority of readers - even if they really enjoyed your writing! - won't leave a comment. don't take this as a direct reflection on your writing! often the reader can't think of what to say, is too shy, or quite simply forgot

again though... i'm not sure if i'm the best person to ask for advice here! i started publishing jtta without much expectation for an audience, given the genre of game it's written for, so any attention was more a nice surprise than anything. i suppose that, later on, when the fic was more well-established, i did start holding some expectation of response - and it really is tough when you don't get as much of one as you were hoping for

i've seen people talking about how the ask culture on tumblr has died down a lot in recent times, so i'm sure you're not the only one feeling like this! all i can suggest is trying to find more friends (mutuals?) and... networking, i guess? i've seen advice saying to share your fic within communities of writers, too

i can't honestly say if these things'll work, because i'm very bad about interacting with a wider fandom in anything - i usually keep to myself, so often i don't have much of an expectation for how and when people come chat. as in real life, i'm only a chatterbox when approached first haha

i'm not sure how helpful this has been, but i'm rooting for you! if you'd like to share your fic here, please do - though i understand if that's something you'd rather keep to yourself as well.

creating things is a joy - it might take some searching to find a circle, but the beauty of the internet is that you will, somewhere out there! wishing you the best ^^

[blossomwritesthings]

Oooh, okay.

Idk if this is okay but I'm going to shoot my shot.

Can you please do either yandere bang chan or lee know (you can pick).

Fluff+ smut+ angst

The reader is starting to become unhappy and lee know or bang chan uses sex as a way to 'take care of them?'

Thank you 👍🏻👍🏻

𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐞

pairing: chan x fem!reader (afab)

genre: slightyandere!chan. idol!chan. hurt/comfort. angst. slight fluff. smut - MDNI, 18+ ONLY. reader pov. established relationship.

content & warnings: explicit & strong language. mild thematic elements. this one's got the angst lmao. some mild fluff (i think??). reader is experiencing burnout from work/feeling unhappy and depressed. chan knows what's going on and wants to help. pet names (baby girl, babe, etc.). smut warnings below cut!!

word count: 4.8k

summary: recently, life's been feeling rather dull for you. and with you getting caught into the trap of doing the same daily grind, it's up to your boyfriend chan to shake you from your cloud of unhappiness and try and heal your exhausted heart.

18+ warnings: unprotected sex (stay safe out there, guys!). dirty talk. top!reader. soft!dom/sub/switch undertones. making out. strength kink. manhandling. praise kink. nipple/breast play. riding (cowgirl style, baby 🤪!!). slight sub-space. scratching.

a/n: okay, so i might've gone a little ham on this one, but IN MY DEFENSE- chan is just so fucking hot lmao. and the idea of actually getting to top him for once??? when he's usually a leaning dom in bed?? yeah, the brain isn't computing and is instead melting atm. 🫠 hope you like this one, and that it's to your liking, @whatudowhennooneseesyou... thanks for requesting (and sorry for the late posting haha, uni has been a total bitch this semester)!! 💕

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ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʀᴇᴘᴏsᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ sɪᴛᴇs (ᴛʜɪs ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇs ᴛʀᴀɴsʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴs). © ʙʟᴏssᴏᴍᴡʀɪᴛᴇsᴛʜɪɴɢs ⤐ ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛs ʀᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ

The headache came onto you like a literal bitch that night. You tried your hardest to focus on the work that was laid out before you on your desk, but it was hard to concentrate when your temples were throbbing with pain. 

 It felt like someone had taken hold of your skull, and was squeezing the very life out of it. 

 A deep sigh fled from your lips as you stared down at the project you had been working on for the past two months. It was due to be submitted to your manager in the next week, and everything about your job hinged on you getting it right. It was a report on all of your past work for the entire year, and it was of the utmost importance that you got all of the facts correct. 

 You hated that you were working so late into the night, but there was no way to avoid it. Since you started on the project, it had been full speed ahead. You hadn’t taken a single break from the work and even committed every waking second of your weekends to it. 

 This, of course, put your relationship with your boyfriend Chan into jeopardy - on somewhat of a hold. 

 Sure, he was just as busy as you, and would usually stay up with you most nights working on his projects, but things were just… different for him. 

 He was doing what he loved. He was staying up late into the night to create things that he adored. 

 Whereas, you were barely scraping by. Barely surviving through this stupid project. 

 But you kept telling yourself, every day that you awoke from a restless sleep, that it was just a little bit longer. 

 Just a little bit longer, and then everything would be okay. 

 Just a little bit longer, and then you’d feel happy again. 

 Because honestly, you couldn’t remember the last time you had let yourself go - let your mind wander away from the constant stress of work - and indulge in some true, unadulterated joy. 

 The days seemed to pass by in a blur, folding into one another and forming a huge lump that just spelled unhappiness. 

 It was honestly really fucking depressing, to wake up every day and not feel the zest for life that you once did. You used to love your job. It used to be your entire personality, the thing that kept you going for such a long time. 

 But you didn’t quite remember the moment when it had stopped feeling that way, and instead felt like something that was slowly sucking the life right out of you. 

 You tried to keep your unhappiness hidden from Chan as best as you could. Since he already had to deal with so many unhappy people in his life; managers, members, family, and especially fans. Plus, he tended to unnecessarily worry for you whenever you’d fall into such dark holes of bleakness. 

 It had happened before… twice, to be exact. 

 Once, when you had just started dating, and then another time well into your relationship. 

 Chan had taken it all in stride and helped you get yourself back on track, but this time… 

 This time just felt so much different. 

 You were seriously at a loss for what to do. 

 On the one hand, you didn’t want to stop working at your job. It had been your livelihood for so long, and you feared how its absence would make you feel if you decided to quit. 

 But on the other hand, the constant drainage, the constant stress, and the slowly growing depression and unhappiness weren’t a burden you could bear for much longer. 

 Even still, you had to finish your project. 

 If you didn’t, you had no idea what would happen. 

 And your manager was a stickler about deadlines. 

 If you even submitted projects an hour over the deadline, you got an astute scolding from him. 

 Trying to clear your mind from your useless worries, you began to focus back on the work at hand, your eyes scrolling down the enormous sheets of paper that you had filled out earlier that day at work. You turned back to your laptop to begin searching for your next topic of research when your eyes caught on your screensaver. 

 It was a picture a passing stranger had taken - upon request - for you and Chan when the two of you had visited the nearby mountains as a Christmas weekend getaway in the year prior. The two of you were beaming in the photo, with Chan’s arms firmly wrapped around your waist and you leaning into his hold, pressing a gentle kiss against his cheek. 

 You swallowed at the sight of it all. At your blatant happiness. 

 And you couldn’t even remember the last time you two had done such a thing- the last time you had gone on a date. 

 It had been well over two months, ever since you started on your big project. 

 Just thinking about that, about the fact that this odd… distance had suddenly grown between you two, only forced the solid pit in your stomach to widen. 

 But looking at the bright screen only seemed to worsen your headache in the end, so you deemed it okay to call it a night. It was Friday, so you’d have plenty of time to continue your work for the rest of the weekend. 

 Folding up your binder filled with papers and scraps, you shoved everything - including your work laptop - into your bag that was thrown onto the floor nearby. Standing up from your desk chair after what felt like hours of being hunched over in the same position, you immediately felt relief in your spine from the stretch of being upright. 

 You filed out of your home office then, the one that you and Chan shared in your apartment. The living room/kitchen lights were all switched off, indicating that Chan had already come home and was probably working in bed. 

 And sure enough, as you closed your bedroom door behind you with a mild click, you saw your boyfriend sitting on his side of the bed, laptop and mechanical keyboard open as he worked away at producing. 

 His eyes flitted up to you at your approach near the bed. “Hi, baby girl,” he said, voice low from not being used in so long. 

 You offered him a weak smile, the exhaustion beginning to take over at the mere sight of your bed. But no, you had to take a shower. That’d surely help your head feel better. “Hi… I was about to take a shower. Wanna join?” You asked, already stripping yourself of your blue denim jeans. 

 Chan rose an eyebrow your way, his curly, dark brown hair hanging low in front of his eyes. “Yeah, sure, just give me a minute to finish up here.” He finally said, focusing back on his laptop once more. 

 Saying nothing more, you stepped into the adjoining bathroom to prepare the shower. Your head hurt from the stark, hospital-white lights of the bathroom, so you decided to light a few of the candles that you had placed around the room, to give some nice ambient lighting to everything.

 You two hadn’t done such a thing - showered together - in quite a while. Which was why you assumed your boyfriend had given you such a peculiar look at your offer. 

 But, at that moment, you realized that you needed him. 

 Needed to feel him close, under the hot water, if only just for a few minutes. 

 Maybe then, all of the fears and concerns of your life would wash away. With the suds and liquid. 

 In no time at all, you had the water warmed up and were standing under its delicate spray, combing a few fingers through your hair and massaging at your temples. Already, the heat was a great help to soothing the pain that radiated across your skull. 

 You heard movement just off to the side of the shower then, and your eyes cracked open as Chan was stepping in behind you. Immediately, the water was running down in rivulets across his skin, trekking down the smoothe plain of his chiseled abs. 

 You stayed silent and turned around so that your back was to him as he was closest to the spout now.

 “You got a headache?” He asked, voice smooth and gracing across your ears against the sound of the water running between you. He knew you so well. Knew that whenever you’d turn on the bathroom candles, it meant your head wasn’t in the right space. 

 “Yeah… got it from work,” you began, leaning down and grabbing your coconut-scented shampoo bottle. “I’m sure it’ll go away after this shower.” 

 “Here, let me…” Chan said, suddenly taking the bottle from your grasp. You stood completely still, spine going rigid at the feeling of his hands beginning to rake through your locks, the subs of the shampoo weighing down your hair. “Work’s that stressful, huh?” 

 “You’re telling me.” You groaned in displeasure, closing your eyes against the feeling of his practiced fingers running across your scalp. He hadn’t washed your hair in such a long time, it felt somewhat foreign to you. “I just wanna be done with this project already. It’s so fucking stressful.” 

 Your boyfriend was silent for a few beats, as he tipped your head back and washed the shampoo out of your locks. “You’ve been so busy lately... sometimes, I think your schedule’s even more packed than mine.” Chan finally mused, laughing soon after. But it wasn’t full of mirth. Instead, it was dry and humorless. 

 Because there wasn’t anything funny about your situation; about your unhappiness, or your coming burnout, or your growing depression. 

 “At times, I wonder if I should even keep working at this job…” You started, feeling Chan begin to massage the paired conditioner into your hair neck. “But then I remember why I started and how it would make me feel if I left, so I always end up staying.” 

 “But how does it make you feel when you continue to stay?” 

 That threw you for one. 

 You weren’t expecting such a serious question from him. 

 And all at once, the floodgates were opened. 

 The first thing to unleash from deep inside of you were the tears. They ran down your cheeks hard and fast, before being washed away with the shower’s water. 

 You wiped at your eyes helplessly, breath hitching painfully in your throat. “I don’t even know why I stay- it’s so fucking exhausting and stressful. I-I just can’t take it anymore.” You mumbled, miserably holding your face in your hands. 

 Chan had stopped his washing and was slowly turning you around then. His fingers found yours, and slowly pulled them away from your warm-cheeked face. “Hey, it’s alright, baby girl… no one’s forcing you to stay there.” 

 “Yeah, but if I leave, I’ll lose such a big part of myself.” 

 “But maybe, you need to put that part of you to rest. To bury it in the past.” 

 You stared up at him through blurry eyes, your chest rising and falling with your uneven breaths. The tears were still flowing, unbidden, down your cheeks. “I… I’m just so lost, Chan. I don’t know what’s the right decision anymore.” 

 He leaned into you then, gently pressing his heated forehead against yours. “Well, you don’t have to make a decision just yet. But… I just want you to be happy again, yeah? I wanna see that spark in your eyes come to life, like before.” 

 Your eyes widened slightly at that. So, he had noticed everything. But of course, he had- he was just so perceiving that way. “Y-You… how did you know that I’m unhappy?” You blurted out, still taken aback by his words. 

 He tucked a loose strand of your hair behind your ear, “I’ve always known, baby girl. You can’t hide anything from me… I just know you too well.” 

 “Then… why didn’t you say anything?” 

 Chan shrugged, canting his head to the side in thought, “I don’t know, I guess… I wanted to give you some space. It seemed like you needed it, to work through your feelings. I didn’t want to be too overbearing and stuff, since I worried that that would make you even more overwhelmed. But- I realize now that I shouldn’t have done that. Should’ve talked to you about everything, before you fell too far.” 

 “It’s not your fault,” you said, reaching up and abruptly pressing a faint kiss to his lips, “It was my decision not to tell you how I felt about everything. I’m sorry, I should’ve communicated better.” 

 He gave you a tiny, satisfied smile then, pecking you right back. “Well, we’re communicating now, so that’s all that matters, right?” 

 You nodded slowly, and silence fell between the two of you again. You bent down and captured his bottle of shampoo in your hands. Without saying anything, you began to run the woodsy-smelling liquid through his hair, marveling at the way the familiar scent took over your entire body, throwing you into a bout of strong nostalgia. 

 “Missed you… so much.” You found yourself saying after having helped him rinse out the lathered subs. 

 Chan’s eyes softened exponentially then, as they seemed to glow in the liquid-gold candlelight of the bathroom. He looked down at you with a peaceful smile curling the corners of his mouth. “I missed you too… every single second, of every single day.” He reached out, hands fitting around either of your hips and pulling you flush to his bare body. 

 He bent down into you, pressing soft kiss after soft kiss to your mouth. You smiled between every one of them, closing your eyes at the way that his mouth pressed against yours in a perfect, exquisite kind of way. 

 Then suddenly, he was gripping you tight, hoisting you up into the air and pressing your back into the cool tile of the shower wall. You glanced up at him, eyes widened slightly in surprise at his quick movement. 

 “You gonna let me take care of you, baby girl?” He muttered against your lips, mouth beginning to pull away from yours and trail around your face with faint pecks. 

 “Take care how?” You asked, breath hitching in the middle of your chest. A moan threatened to spill out of you from the way that his plump lips gently pressed around your face. 

 Chan’s fingers kneaded at the skin of your waist, with the scalding water falling around you, slicking your bodies together. Leaning into you with a sly smirk plastered on his face, his tongue darted out, tracing around the line of your lips, before prying your mouth open and tasting you. He tasted of warm, comforting black coffee and sugary toffee- just like how you had remembered. 

 When you broke apart to catch your breaths, Chan finally spoke, “I was thinking about…” You felt his hands move away from your hips as the words came out, his fingers sinking into the plushness of your ass. “My cock in your beautiful, aching pussy… haven’t felt you in a while, been missing it all…” 

 Your eyes widened at his confession. The two of you hadn’t been intimate with each other in… well, with you being so caught up with work and everything, you honestly couldn’t remember the last time you had given in to your deepest wants and needs. 

 But all at once, you already knew the answer to his unspoken question. Because yes- you had been thinking about your boyfriend in that way, for a long time. Without even realizing it. In the dead of night, when you were so very exhausted from work, you had imagined him and his radiant face and dark eyes, as he slid his hands down your body, loving you in all the right places. 

 “Yes, please… yes.” You begged in a breathy tone. Chan’s mouth was on yours after that, kissing and licking, as he wrapped both of your legs around his torso and peeled you away from the shower’s wall. 

 Words didn’t need to be spoken between the two of you, as he moved to turn the water off with you tightly grasped in his arms. And in no time at all, he had the both of you dried off and had blown out the many candles in the bathroom. Soon, he was leading you to your bed with its messy sheets and duvet comforter.

 Your boyfriend laid you atop the cushy foam mattress, helping to gently rest your head atop a pillow. “Where do you want me, love?” He asked, lips pulling away from yours, a hot string of saliva stretching between the two of you. 

 You swallowed down a moan at the absence of his plush mouth against yours, feeling the rising desire inside of you pooling in your cheeks with a pink flush. “I-I don’t know, just… just love me.”

 He nodded slowly, lips beginning to trail down the column of your neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses against your clavicle, before sucking on the tender flesh there. “Now that, I can surely do.” He finally answered as he continued to move atop you. He had you encased underneath him, with either of his strong legs resting on the sides of your hips. 

 Chan dipped his mouth close to one of your exposed breasts, kissing the puckered skin there. One of his hands grasped onto your waist, while the other played with your nipple that wasn’t currently getting kissed by him. 

 “C-Chan,” you breathed out, squirming underneath your boyfriend at the way that his gaze locked with yours. At the way his eyes flooded with dark, heated desire as his mouth came over your nipple, swiping his tongue across it before taking as much of your breast between his teeth as he could. “Feels so fucking good.” Moaning, you squeezed your eyes shut at the feel of his teeth lightly tugging at you, at the way his fingers were kneading your chest so perfectly. 

 His tongue drew away from you then, a smirk brightening his sharp features. “You feel so amazing, baby girl,” he whispered, as his mouth came over to meet your other mound - the one that wasn’t coated in a thick helping of wetness from him. “Love you so much… fucking adore your tits.”

 Your mouth fell open as he began to taste you once more, pushing and pulling against your hardened nub. The moans escaped from that deep place inside of you, and you pressed your legs together as the slick slowly dripped out of you. 

 After he was seemingly satisfied with riling you up just from the breast worship alone, Chan yanked his mouth away from your chest and found your lips once more in a passionate kiss. You could feel him press in between your legs, his growing length just straining to feel some type of friction - some kind of release. 

 “Do you want me to stretch you ou-” He began in a quiet, deep voice, but was quickly stopped by the way that you suddenly gripped onto his muscular forearms, nails digging into the skin there. 

 “No- no more foreplay,” you managed to ground out through clenched teeth. You hadn’t realized how needy you were for him, but all at once, you were aching to feel him inside of you - and his continuing with the foreplay by stretching you out with his fingers wasn’t going to cut at that moment. You needed him right then, and you couldn’t wait any longer. “Just want you inside of me already.” 

 His eyes flashed with surprise at your confession. The two of you hadn’t been intimate in quite a long time, so your words must’ve thrown him for one. After all, he always wanted to make you feel good and safe - and jumping right into the fucking usually wasn’t his style. He liked to take things nice and slow. Keep it sensual and loving, all at once. 

 “Okay, then I guess I’ll-”

 “Wanna ride you, babe.” You practically whined, peering up at him with big eyes. Your cheeks felt like they were on fire, as you desperately clawed at the skin of his arms. Your core was dripping so much, you felt it run down your legs and moisten the sheets underneath you. You hadn't been so needy in... you couldn't even remember when. But all you knew was that it had been a long time since you were so desperate for his cock.  

 And immediately at your words, you felt Chan harden between you. A sardonic smile widened his mouth. And without saying anything else, he was tightly holding onto you and moving on the bed so that you were the one on top. With your knees sinking into the mattress on either side of his hips, you nestled down into his lap, feeling Chan’s legs come up and bend behind you to offer some support. 

 “Take it easy, yeah?” He said in that gravelly voice of his that only came out in the bedroom. His hands came up to grab at your hips, fingers digging into the flesh there as you rose slightly to position yourself over him. “Just take things slow… don’t want my baby girl to get hurt.” Your boyfriend was worried that something would go wrong since the two of you hadn’t done such a thing in quite a while. But you were fucking dripping with want, so you knew that it would be an easy slip. 

 Nevertheless, instinct took over your entire body, as you lined yourself up to his red, swollen head that was dripping with precum. Then, in a single breath, you were sliding down the length of him ever so slowly, savouring the way that he filled you up so completely. 

 You leaned down into him, palms resting against his warm, muscular chest. “Fuck- I love you so much,” you groaned out, biting down hard on your bottom lip as you began to rise up and down on him, loving the way that he helped your movements with the strong grip he had on your waist. 

 “Missed you,” he grunted out, meeting you halfway and thrusting up into you. The tip of him hit that sensitive, gooey spot deep inside of you, and you all but melted on top of him, clutching at the sweat-slick skin of his pecs. “Missed this- cock buried in your lovely, tight pussy.” 

 Throwing your head back, with your eyes screwed tightly shut, you let out a string of moans. Your hips met together with every other breath you took, as you felt him stretch out your walls in a flawless, languid kind of way. “C-Chan, I… I-” You failed to find the words on your tongue when you distantly felt one of his hands leave your hips, traveling to the front of you. 

 In no time at all, he had a finger pressed against you, finding your tender clit and rubbing delicate circles there. This spurred on your movements, as you straddled his waist and rode his cock in a rabid kind of heat- like it was the first time you had done it. “That’s right, baby girl…use me, like you’ve always wanted to. Use my cock for your very own pleasure…” He grunted out, pressing down harder on the swollen bundle of nerves between your widened, trembling legs. 

 His cock reached so far up into you, it felt like you were about to break from the sheer size and speed of it all. Your legs began to shudder with fatigue, and your hands desperately clutched at his shoulders as you felt your release rising from deep within you. 

 “Chan… I’m gonna-” You gasped, eyes suddenly wide open as you stared down at him. You took in the sight of his face - at the way his chocolate-brown locks curled around his damp forehead, at the way his red lips were kiss swollen and his dark pupils were blown wide with so much lust. 

 He continued to circle a finger around your enflamed clit, veiny arms helping to raise you up and down on his length, his free hand digging into the flesh at your hip. “That’s right, baby girl… want to use my cock to cum? Do it. I wanna see your pretty, little cunt quiver and shake and milk me fully.” 

 His filthy words were the thing that finally tipped you over the edge, throwing you across the side of the cliff. Your entire body began to vibrate with your release, and you squeezed your eyes shut at the feeling of fire lighting down your backbone. The blood rushed through your veins, the slick pouring out of you as Chan continue to thrust up into you as he chased his high. 

 You screamed out his name again and again, along with a string of curses. You had stopped moving atop him, letting his large hands control your entire body and move you across his hardened cock. Letting him manhandle your body to his liking like you were his very own sex doll. He had said you could use him, and you had. But in the end, he was the one to use you. In your blissed, fuck-out state, you distantly felt him stiffen up inside of you, just as he found his release as well. 

 Still gripping onto his proud shoulders, your nails scraped across his skin there as you felt his heat erupt within you, coating your walls in sticky whiteness. The entire time he came down from his high, Chan was spewing words of praise- all directed at you. “Love you so much- love your body, your mind, your soul…” He continued to say over and over again in that strained, husky voice of his. 

 And finally, when the shaking in your limbs stopped and your heart had begun to beat at a normal pace once more, you relaxed into your boyfriend, resting your head against his bare chest. His softened cock was still nestled between your walls, but you didn’t care- if anything, it only made the cuddling more intimate. 

 He wrapped two arms around your torso, holding you close to him and leaving light pecks atop your messy head of hair. “You know, I still haven’t forgotten about your work predicament…” He started in a quiet tone, making you look up at him with a frown. “But for now, let’s just forget about it and focus on sleeping, yeah?” 

 You felt the tiny smile erupt across your face before you were even registering what was going on. Leaning up into him, you pressed a gentle kiss against his puffy-pink mouth. “Honestly, I like the sound of that,” you giggled, carding a few fingers through his curly locks. “But, shouldn’t we like, get cleaned up?” You rose an eyebrow his way, surprised that he wasn’t wanting to get up and clean everything, since he usually liked to do so right after sex. Keep things sanitary and healthy, and all that jazz...

 Chan shook his head slowly, “Nah, that shit can wait until later… but for now, I just wanna fall asleep with my baby girl in my arms.” He nestled his nose against yours, before placing a soft kiss on your forehead. 

 “Okay… me too.” You finally admitted before you rested your head against his chest once more. He still made no move to pull out of you, and you didn’t mind. The cockwarming was something the two of you hadn’t done in a long time, and it felt familiar and nice and loving, so you weren’t complaining one bit. 

 The two of you lay there in silence, his Chan running gentle fingers through your hair, and you listening to the steady beat of his heart just underneath your ears. 

 And even though you hadn’t found the answers to your predicament yet, 

 And the future was still looking rather uncertain, 

 Right then, you could care less about the worries of everything else in your life. 

 Because for once in what felt like a very long time, you were feeling whole again. 

 Happy, 

 Content, 

 And most of all… loved. 

 All because the man lying underneath you, 

 Because of the one who had quickly slipped into a deep sleep, 

 Because of the one who was still slick with sweat and wetness from your lovemaking, 

 Because he had helped you through it all. 

 Your very own boyfriend Chan had helped to make you feel better - to take away all of your anxiety and the uncertain thoughts running through your head. 

And all at once, as you lay there on top of his warm, comforting chest, 

 As the shadows of sleep threatened to take over you from the corners of your vision, 

 You realized that your headache had disappeared. 

 As soon as Chan had his arms around you earlier, while underneath the hot water of the shower, the throbbing in your head dissipated. 

 Because that’s how it had always been; with him right by your side, hugging and kissing and loving all of the pain away. 

 Fin. 

taglist: want to be added onto my taglist so that you always get notified when i post a new work? well then, comment below on this post/reblog it, and indicate your interest in my taglist and i'll add you... or, you can simply send me a msg and request to be added that way~

© ʙʟᴏssᴏᴍᴡʀɪᴛᴇsᴛʜɪɴɢs ⤐ ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛs ʀᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ

[chiyoso]

(vent) you know, my series, the mara's will?

i truly, truly did not expect the positive outcome when i wrote and published it, i didn't plan to make a part two, i didn't plan to make it a series

it was just a fic heavily inspired by the song tot musica by ado

hence, the nordic runes i implemented

yes, absolutely, i adore the support for it i truly do, i'm happy people love it, my idea, my fic, my writing for that piece

but i honestly, genuinely i have no idea where it leads, i have no idea how it'll end, i have no idea what to do with it, i've come to terms that everyone will have different opinions, different views and different expectations on how it'll end

and that scares me. it resurfaces my people pleasing problem immensely.

i'm not not that skilled in writing yet, at least in my perspective

my imaginations heavily contrast to my current skill in writing, i want to express DETAILED fight scenes, but my brain circuits on what words to use for it, because in my mind, the movements are way, way too complex.

the dialogue, the actions, the powers, the usage of weaponry, they're all too complex in my mind, and my vocabulary, my choice of words, my lack of knowledge when it comes to other words, it frustrates me greatly.

more undercut

so i fucking mean when i say this

the writers i have encountered throughout tumblr? fuck. you are all so fucking amazing. i have known some to several of you who continue to write, even in a state of burnout, even in a state of... i dont know, anything that's bothering you, but you still continue to write? FUCK. i dont understand how you do it, but you're so STRONG. you absolutely, absolutely are.

because here i type away, heavily frustrated, plagued with immense, constant burnout, mental exhaustion, writers block, me healing from depression, with multiple projects, drafts, edits to do, pending requests, and i'm just... ugh. — fuck i dont know how you all do it, but you are all so strong. so, so, strong.

i dont want to discontinue the mara's will, but i cant... muster up any ideas for it either.

it was an impulse fic, heavily inspired by a song. a song from one piece.

i purposely left chapter 1 on a cliffhanger, i intended it to be that way because it was fitting to the plot.

and now... with part two out, it- i feel it was rushed, and it was getting too long, too long to the point where tumblr doesn't allow me to edit it anymore, so its stuck that way. rushed, full of mistakes, etc

shit i dont know what to do with it. fuck my people pleasing problem man. so many requests flooded me for a next part, and i did, i delivered. but why do i feel so... dejected? fuck.

i think i'm being too harsh on myself, but that's most likely because of the eerie, sudden silence — in which i'm still continuing to distract myself from (thank god for games and anime)

and if i had a drawing tablet again, things would be so much easier, i wanna draw fanart again, i wanna draw scara, lyney, nnngh i wanna draw hsr men too !!!! im so!!! nnh!!!

gahhh fuck i need lyney, neuvi, scara or geto to hug me tightly

[oxfordthyme]

The Duality of Max

An emotional story about trauma, shame and love hiding inside a very smutty, very dark fic. NSFW

Max Mayfield has just begun senior year at Hawkins High alongside her stepbrother Billy, her best friend Eddie and her possibly-more-than-friend Steve. As she navigates an inter-clique romance among tribal high school politics, tensions between her and Billy explode at home, and she becomes trapped in a secret and extremely abusive relationship. The rest of Hawkins has no idea what is going on behind closed doors at the Mayfield-Hargrove house, and Max intends to keep it that way.

Billy x Max x Steve (all aged up to 18+)

Rating: Explicit, 18+ only

Genre/vibes: Romance, dark romance, drama, whump, hurt/comfort, angsty, smutty

Warnings: Sexually explicit content, heavy non-con (dead dove: do not eat), abuse, narcotic use, brief descriptions of suicidal thoughts

Word count: 86,735

Author's notes: This is my first finished public longfic! It was strangely cathartic to write. I will say it's not for the faint of heart as there are some very intense non con scenes. There is a sweet, funny romance & friendship at its core but everything else is VERY dark. It's ultimately a story about trauma, shame, and how toxic masculinity keeps those alive and continues cycles of abuse. How a shamelessly smutty fic turned into all of that, your guess is as good as mine.

Chapter 1 Excerpt (Read more on AO3 HERE)

The buckles on Billy's boots jangled as he strolled up to Max and Steve. He had his faded leather bomber on, but despite the plummeting temperature, half of his shirt was unbuttoned, as usual. It was like his chest was allergic to fabric.

“Well, well, well,” he said, glaring at her as he approached. “Why am I not surprised?” He looked at Steve. “Slumming it with the burnouts tonight, Harrington?” 

Steve shrugged. “We were having a nice time before you and your nipples showed up.”

Billy smiled, a malicious glint in his eye.

“Relax,” Eddie said, walking back to Max holding his hands up, “this one’s on me. I picked her up from Rita’s.”

“Mind your own business, Munson. We’re leaving, Max.”

“She’s an adult, man,” Steve said, “she doesn’t have to listen to you.”

Billy raised his eyebrows in amusement. “Is that right?”

Max looked between Steve and Billy nervously. Billy was smiling, but the malicious glint had turned to intent. She’d seen him fight before; he was frighteningly quick, strong, and ruthless. Eddie was not a fighter, and she didn’t know about Steve, but, most likely, Billy would beat the shit out of both of them and enjoy it.

“Hey, man,” Spike said, “come hang, have a drink.” Max couldn’t tell if he was trying to play peacemaker or was genuinely oblivious to the tension.

Billy ignored him. He and Steve glared at each other.

“Or—you know, just throwing out options—you can fuck off,” Steve shrugged.

“I was just about to suggest the same,” Eddie said, crossing his arms.

Steve and Eddie’s sharp tongues wouldn’t help them in a fight. Max shot a warning look at them, but neither saw her. Billy’s eyes flashed as he took a step towards Steve, and Max’s heart jumped into her throat. She hurriedly stepped between them.

“Stop,” she said, “come on, let’s just go home.”

“Max—“ Steve said, but Max silenced him with a stern look and subtle shake of her head.

“It’s okay,” Max said, “I’m tired anyway. Really. I’ll see you guys later.” Her friends looked at her sadly as she tugged at Billy’s arm. He looked down at her and shot a final derisive glance at Steve before he turned around, yanked his arm from her and strode toward the Camaro. ---------------- Max anxiously gripped the passenger’s side door as Billy sped through the dark country roads. She was afraid—of his driving, of him, and of what he might do to make her life even worse now that their parents were gone for almost two weeks.

He was quiet, but she knew he was furious. Of course he was angry; he was always angry, and, honestly, so was she. She had just turned eighteen, so she should be free of Billy and her stepdad Neil’s oppressive bullshit. But as Neil liked to remind her: his house, his rules—and he was a raging misogynist, so those rules were different for Max than for Billy. Billy was only a year older than she was, but he and Neil treated her like like a child. It was infuriating.

Billy had repeated a grade sometime in elementary school, so he and Max had been in the same class together since sixth grade back in California. They were acquaintances at best back then, but in their freshman year, they became enemies pretty quickly when their parents met and married.

Max loathed Billy’s father, Neil; he was a bigoted misogynist and when she and her mother Susan moved in with him and Billy, Max frequently ran away to stay with her father, a kind-hearted but unstable gambling and drug addict. Neil made the unilateral decision that Max’s father should be cut out of her life, and he accepted a job as the head of the police union in Indiana, forcing them all to uproot their lives and Billy and Max to start junior year in a new town.

Billy blamed Max for being ripped out of his hometown, and only seemed to be content when he was able to make her as miserable as he was. Neil encouraged him to take on the role of overprotective brother, and Billy used it as cover to antagonize and control her.

All she wanted was to do make the most of her senior year, but Billy thwarted her every attempt.

Billy lit a cigarette, inhaled and exhaled smoke through his nose. “I warned you about lying to me,” he said, a little too calmly. “You fucked up, Max.”

Max scowled at him. “Why can’t you just mind your own business?”

“You are my business, dipshit,” he said, “Something happens to you, it’s my ass. Not enough that you get us moved to this shit hole town—“

Max rolled her eyes, “Are you still bitching about that? We’ve been here for a year. What, are you jealous that I made more friends than you?”

“You call those burnouts friends? All they do is get you shitfaced.”

“I thought you liked Spike.”

“Spike put fucking ‘ludes in your drink last week.”

“That was an accident. He thought it was his.”

“Don’t be an idiot. That asshole drugged you and I had to cut my night short to drag your sorry ass home.”

Max crossed her arms. “I would’ve been fine without you. Eddie was there.”

Billy snuffed as he finally pulled into their driveway. “Yeah, he was probably waiting for you to pass out so he could have a chance to fuck you.”

“You’re an asshole,” she snarled, shooting him a disgusted look before she got out of the car and stormed into the house.

Max took off her jacket, tossed it on the couch, then paused, realizing she left her camera in the car. She turned around to go back outside but Billy walked in and slammed the door behind him, glowering at her. He strode toward her and she instinctively stepped back until she hit the wall. He was almost always angry with her, but something was different about the fury in his eyes tonight.

“You’re delusional if you think your stoner friends can protect you.”

“I can handle myself. Last week was a mistake.”

“Do you want to get raped, Max? Is that it?”

Max bristled. “Fuck off,” she said, and tried unsuccessfully to push him aside. Suddenly, his hand shot out and grabbed her by the throat.

Max’s hands flew to his, trying to pull his fingers away from her neck to no avail. He slammed her against the wall.

He had surprised her; she didn’t have time to take in any air before he cut off her airway and she couldn’t speak. She pushed against his chest and hit him, but he didn’t let go. He just smirked at her, trying and succeeding in making his point: she had no hope of overpowering him. Billy was a foot taller than her, significantly stronger, and there was something in his eyes that made her worry about the lengths he’d go to hammer his point home.

Read more on AO3 HERE

[deusvervewrites]

I sometimes wonder if Izuku would really be all that happy being one of the top heroes, or the "greatest hero" in canon.

Because he oftentimes comes off as the kind of person who's not really all that comfortable in the spotlight, and above all else, a large chunk of his character's subtler traits seem to lean towards him being someone who, at least in my eyes, really wants people to like him and have a strong personal relationship with.

His fixation on being a hero also at times reads to me as him basically viewing himself as so lacking in any inherent value that he's basically throwing himself into heroism in hopes of being validated as a person (or at least finding value from society in his own self-destruction), at least subconsciously.

I honestly don't feel like he'd really like dealing with blatant hero worship or being held up on a pedestal for the rest of his life, or at least he'd suffer severe burnout because of it. It's incredibly isolating, and while his classmates are certainly his friends, I wonder how much things would change or be affected after it's all said and done.

Everyone knows him as Midoriya, Deku the Hero who inspired them, Deku the Weakling and Failure, The greatest hero, the bearer of One For All, etc...

But how many people truly want Izuku Midoriya as himself?

/Late Night Ramblings based on a fic regarding this topic.

Midoriya wants to be a Hero to help people. He wants to be the kind of Hero that makes people feel safer just because he's around. You're right, he wouldn't like all that Hero Worship at all.

I expect that if he'd managed to go Pro before society completely collapsed, he'd have been a mix of Miruko and All Might, doing his job and using his resources to fight social issues without really dealing with any of the theatrics. Time in interviews is time he could be working.

[the-loosest-moose]

Writer Goal Ask List for a New Year 🎉

Okay, I'll bite (as productive-ish procrastination)!

💖 What is your primary writing goal for this year? Finish WIPs that I had to put on hold because of health issues.

🛳 Are there any new ships you want to write for? (Platonic, romantic, or anything in between.) Just started writing for a new ship - Wolf Pack (HarlanxCyrus)

🤔 Are there any new characters you want to write about? Just the ones I recently started (new ship).

🥸 Does anyone in IRL know you write fanfic or original fiction? If not, do you plan on telling anyone this year? I think three friends know at this point. I was anxious to tell them, because I was sure I'd be laughed at.

🥵 Any plans to write steamy or spicy content this year? Always.

👻 Is there a new genre you'd like to write? I'm just starting a mystery, which is new for me.

🦄 Is there a new POV you'd like to try writing? No.

🐌 What is one of your smallest writing goals? Consider writing with an outline.

🦖 Are there any fandoms you wrote for in the past that you'd like to return to? Long dead past for me - X-Men (Rogue/Gambit), and no, I am not sharing what I previously wrote. Painful.

🍄 Are there any fandoms you've never written for but want to try? Maybe Arcane (Jayvik, Caitvi).

🌈 What research do you plan on doing for your writing? I have to research what is involved in fighting fires and dealing with potential arson.

✨What's one area of your writing that you think needs the least amount of improvement? Dialogue.

🥕 What's one area of your writing that you think needs the most amount of improvement? Probably world building/describing characters' surroundings.

🫘 Spill the beans. What's a new project you're doing this year? The Hunt (a Wolf Pack - Cyrus/Harlan textfic). I think the characters could be fleshed out in really juicy ways (sexual and otherwise), and there's a lot of potential for hidden angst.

🥳 How are you going to celebrate when you achieve one of your writing goals? Ha, I love the idea that I will achieve a writing goal. I will experience surprise.

🎃 Do you plan on writing any seasonal fics? No.

🐾 Do you plan on writing for any fests or competitions? No. I struggle with writing when there is an external goal/deadline. NaNoWriMo was a nightmare for me.

✍️ Which stat matters most to you (if at all!): subscriptions, kudos/favorites, comments, bookmarks, word count, or hits? Probably kudos/favorites and comments. I don't want them to matter, but it is such a joy to hear that someone likes what I've done.

👾 Do you have any "bad" writing habits you want to break? Starting fics without finishing WIPs.

🤖 Are you looking to change your current writing setup? (Or establish one, if you don't have one?) I'd like to do more writing at the library or a coffee shop. Not for pretentious reasons, but because my dogs are very needy, and it's hard to focus at home sometimes. My setup at home would be great if my dogs were busy.

🦷 Is there a chapter, scene, or WIP you're dreading to write (but is necessary to your plot)? Share a snippet or tell us about it! "Dreading" is a strong word. I am anxious about the next chapter of my Kanthony fic (Keep Looking at Me) - I've had to take a long break, and I'm concerned about continuity/pacing.

💥Is there a chapter, scene, or WIP you're most excited to write? Share a snippet or tell us about it! I'm actually really excited about the first prose chapter of my Wolf Pack fic - it references a lot of childhood angst and current-day burnout, which appears to be my comfort zone.

🍕Will you be making any changes to your posting schedule (if you have one)? (Or do you want to establish a posting schedule?) Posting schedule? Never met her.

🛏 Is there a new trope you'd like to write this year? Maybe a bit of a spoiler. Mom angst/revenge (related to protecting her children).

🪩 Do you have any "good" writing habits you want to cultivate? Honestly, I don't know that this is a good writing habit. But I trust my instincts about whether something works, and I hope I can keep having the confidence to do that. I'm sure my writing could be better, particularly with a beta reader, but I think my writing turns out the way I want/need it to this way. No one else may agree, but I'm proud I've always had that confidence.

🎉 How are you going to be kind to yourself if you don't meet your goals? I'm learning to put self-care first. It's been like crawling through broken glass to get back here - psych hospitalization, learning to walk again, you name it. I'm using DBT skills, exercising, and preemptively taking care of myself. That will happen regardless of how writing goes.

💌 Are you willing to take requests or prompts for writing? Yes, BUT. I don't think anyone would benefit. I have a really hard time writing when I *have* to - maybe it is demand avoidance, but I've really struggled with this in the past. I'm willing, but I don't have a lot of confidence in my ability to do it well. The stories seem to want to write themselves in the order/way they want to be written, so it doesn't feel like I get to choose when/what happens. That makes prompts harder for me.

Writer Goal Ask List for a New Year 🎉

These writer asks are always so fun to both ask and answer. Fanfic or original fiction writers, reblog away! These are asks based in new goals for a new year.

💖 What is your primary writing goal for this year?

🛳 Are there any new ships you want to write for? (Platonic, romantic, or anything in between.)

🤔 Are there any new characters you want to write about?

🥸 Does anyone in IRL know you write fanfic or original fiction? If not, do you plan on telling anyone this year?

🥵 Any plans to write steamy or spicy content this year?

👻 Is there a new genre you'd like to write?

🦄 Is there a new POV you'd like to try writing?

🐌 What is one of your smallest writing goals?

🦖 Are there any fandoms you wrote for in the past that you'd like to return to?

🍄 Are there any fandoms you've never written for but want to try?

🌈 What research do you plan on doing for your writing?

✨What's one area of your writing that you think needs the least amount of improvement?

🥕 What's one area of your writing that you think needs the most amount of improvement?

🫘 Spill the beans. What's a new project you're doing this year?

🥳 How are you going to celebrate when you achieve one of your writing goals?

🎃 Do you plan on writing any seasonal fics?

🐾 Do you plan on writing for any fests or competitions?

✍️ Which stat matters most to you (if at all!): subscriptions, kudos/favorites, comments, bookmarks, word count, or hits?

👾 Do you have any "bad" writing habits you want to break?

🤖 Are you looking to change your current writing setup? (Or establish one, if you don't have one?)

🦷 Is there a chapter, scene, or WIP you're dreading to write (but is necessary to your plot)? Share a snippet or tell us about it!

💥Is there a chapter, scene, or WIP you're most excited to write? Share a snippet or tell us about it!

🍕Will you be making any changes to your posting schedule (if you have one)? (Or do you want to establish a posting schedule?)

🛏 Is there a new trope you'd like to write this year?

🪩 Do you have any "good" writing habits you want to cultivate?

🎉 How are you going to be kind to yourself if you don't meet your goals?

💌 Are you willing to take requests or prompts for writing?

[recurring-polynya]

Do I mind if I ask how you approach writing longer fic? I've always struggled to write anything more than maybe two chapters long and I'm curious if you have a particular method to how you approach such stories.

Thank you so much for this ask! I absolutely love it when people ask me for writing advice because it makes me feel like a Smart Person Who Knows Things.

Before we start, here is one grain of salt to take all of this with: I have a naturally long-form brain. It is very hard for me to write something less than 1k. Short fiction is great, and there is nothing wrong with sticking to short things if that's what your brain likes to do.

So. You have decided to write a story. This is going to focus on "stories". Some people write fic that's more freeform or whatever, I am not going to cover that. What I mean by a story is this:

It starts

Some stuff happens

It ends

It is highly probable that your story contains a change of state, which could be that a villain is defeated, or a goal is reached, but it could also be that character falls in love with another, or someone learns to like broccoli.

I like to start out by completing the sentence, "This is a story where _______". This is basically like coming up with a summary for an ao3 post, except that it doesn't need to be catchy. Lots of different kinds of things could go in that blank! It could literally be what happens: This is a story where Ichigo goes back in time and punches young Aizen in the nose. It could be about what you want to explore: This is a story where Hitsugaya gets a better understanding of his zanpakutou. It could be about the vibe you want to achieve: This is an AU where everyone is in a punk rock band and has cool hair and outfits. The idea of this is to clearly define what you, the author, is interested in writing. Make sure it feels right! Maybe you pick the first one, but when you say it out loud, you say, "You know, I really just want Ichigo to go back in time so he can horse around with young Renji and Rukia and punching Aizen in the nose is just an excuse for that." That may sound dumb, but it's fine, actually! Most people don't read stories strictly for the plot, they read stories for the implications of those plots! Will my favorite two characters kiss? Will there be funny interactions between these two groups of characters? Will there be sick fights? Stories are excuses to have scenes. Sometimes, you will have a story where the interesting sequence of events is the draw, but the point is to know what you're about.

Once you feel happy with your "mission statement", you need to decide the bounds of your story: where it starts and where it ends. It may be easier to start with the end. In some cases, it may be obvious from your mission statement: everyone gets home, a villain is defeated, Kenpachi realizes the meaning of friendship. On the other hand, let's look at that punk rock AU. You've picked a vibe, but you don't really have a natural story arc. It has to have a destination, though, otherwise, it's not really a story, it's a recipe for 3 chapters of an abandoned fanfic. So brainstorm a little: Maybe they get a record deal? Maybe they win a Battle of the Bands? Maybe Byakuya accepts that the band is actually good and tells Rukia he is proud of her. Do not settle for a plot just because it works. Pick something that makes you excited! You're the one who is gonna have to write it!

I said that we needed to pick a beginning point, too, but I'm actually going to skip that for now. The next thing I do is think of all the Big Scenes I want to write, the ones you are hype to write, the ones that pop in your head as you think about the premise. Make a bullet list. They don't need to be in order. The descriptions don't need to be super detailed, but write down anything about it that is important to you. If there's a mood or a snippet of dialogue or a joke you want to make, go ahead and jot that down so you don't forget it later. What you're doing now is putting broad blotches of color on a canvas, filling in space and leaving the detail for later.

Once you are pretty happy with what you have down, try to arrange it in chronological order. Put your end at the end (if it wasn't one of your big scenes, add it now). The next task is figuring out how to traverse your scenes. You've already picked out where you want to spend the majority of your energy. The rest, I regret to tell you, is your slog writing. Now, it often happens that you will find joy in some of these scenes and your best writing may occur there, but that's serendipity. These are the scenes that you are gonna have to make yourself sit down and write, so you honestly want to limit them to just the ones you need.

So how do we do this? Look at the first thing on the list. Can you start there? If so, congrats, that's your beginning. If you can't, what needs to happen to get to there? Where can you start so that you can get to your first fun scene as soon as possible? There. That’s it. You’ve picked your beginning, good job! Now, go through the rest of your list, and add in things that must happen, even if you don’t particularly look forward to writing them. The characters need to travel from geographic point A to point B. Shuuhei needs to say something that Izuru hears and misinterprets. The Central 46 makes a new law. If you have a good idea of how these things happen, go ahead and write them down, but it’s okay if you don’t know yet. Fill in all the blanks so that if you think of each bullet list as a scene, you could read it as a story, start to end. Once you get writing, you might add more scenes, or move things around or whatever, but you should have a thing that functions as a story.

If you struggle with this, an alternative is a story with a very strong structure that is going to guide you though what you have to write.Here are two examples from my own stories Hold On, Hold On (which is only one chapter, but the principle is the same) is structured around the 5 stages of grief. Not Broken, Just Bent takes place over roughly a week, and I just decided what happened every day of the week. See You on the Other Side takes place in the middle of a bunch of canon events, which worked at mile markers.

Congratulations. You’ve just made a rough outline!

Special note for avoiding burnout!: I am a slogger. I will drag myself through the broken glass of an interminable plot to get to a single thirsty scene. That's why, at this stage, I try to look at the ratio of what I want to write to what I must write. It's gonna vary for everyone, but this is a hobby, and if looking at this proto-outline makes you feel deeply tired, maybe this isn't a good story to be devoting your time to! Can you carve it down? Can you chuck two scenes you really want to write and get rid of 80% of the slog? Or maybe you can't! In that case, just write that thirsty scene as a standalone drabble! Or just go work on something else! Maybe in the future, this one will come back to you and you’ll have a fresh idea or a renewed enthusiasm for it.

Another thing I sometimes like to do at this point is to write out some notes about my characters and their motivations and moods. Character A is homesick. Character B is so determined to defeat the enemy that they are having a hard time being sympathetic to Character A. Character C cares for both A and B and is trying to support them both. This is sort of background info that you want to keep in your head as you are writing. Depending on the type of story you are writing, this might actually be the main plot, or it might be happening subtly, but adding to the emotional impact of the story. It’s very easy for me to write these sorts of emotional arcs, but if you struggle with that, you may wish to go ahead and made a more detailed outline for that, too.

Now, it’s time to start writing! I am great at beginnings-- it is very often the case for me that the opening scene was one of my Big Tentpole Scenes. (Before you hate me too much, I make up for this by being double horrible at endings; just let me have this) Usually, I will start at the beginning and write linearly for as long as I can until I get stuck. Then, I will look forward on my outline and do the next chronological scene that I feel like writing. In general, if I sit down to write and there is something I have an urge to write, that trumps everything else. Inspiration is a precious commodity, and you should embrace it when it hits! You can slog any day. I will occasionally hold off writing a scene that I really want to, because I am saving it, like a prize for myself for getting that far. This is a very personal process of figuring out what motivates your brain and then giving your brain what it needs to be its most productive.

Eventually, you will run out of things you are excited to write, but the good news is, you’ve got a bunch of story now! Odds are that what’s left is going to be a lot of those connective tissue scenes, and you’re just going to have to do them, except that now, because you’re connecting two concrete points instead of two abstract points, it will be a lot easier. You can continue running jokes you’ve started. Maybe you invented a cafe in an earlier scene where your characters hang out and you can have them return there. Try to think of ways to make these scenes more fun, both for yourself to write and for your reader to read. 

Around this time, I like to start refining that rough strokes outline into what I will call an “as-built” outline. (This is an engineering term where you update your plans or models for something to reflect any changes that had to be made along the way). This is a great activity to do at times when you feel like you have writers block. I write down every scene I have written as a 2-3 word blurb, in order. I break the scenes into what I think makes logical chapters, and I will do a word count on those prospective chapters and write it down. As you do this, you will realize that maybe you can move a scene from here to there, which will make it 1000% easier to write. Things may be happening too much, or you’ve got the characters eating three times in the same chapter. If you have subplots and dangling threads, this is where you make sure they get closure. I know this sounds very headache-y, but you are so far along in the story at this point that it’s really not-- it’s a way to look at the problems you have left. Use some sort of formatting (I like to bold things I haven’t done and sometimes I put them in red) and it gives you a very visual to-do list.

You specifically mentioned multi-chapter fanfics and I admit that I don’t tend to think in chapters, I tend to think of the story as a whole and just break it up where it feels natural. The as-built outlining I described is very helpful in making sure that my chapters feel balanced. They don’t necessarily need to be the same length, but I like them to have the same amount of stuff in them. One chapter may basically contain one long scene, and other may contain many short ones. I don’t tend to, but you can certainly have a fanfic that varies between short and long chapters, that can actually be an interesting effect. But like I said, I always like to know what I am doing, and so having it mapped out, you can say “welp, this is what I’ve done, how do I feel about that?”

Polynya, you may be saying at this point, do you write the whole fanfic before you post any of it? and I regret to inform you, the answer is yes. A lot of people write as they go, and I have made one attempt at this and I didn’t like it. I don’t like locking myself in, I just need to be able write out of order and go back and change things. Here is the story of a little in love: someone gave me an AU prompt and I got mildly obsessed with it, and wrote 5 snapshots drabbles in that universe, ending with a slight cliffhanger ending. I probably should have stopped there, but I decided to keep going. I wrote out an outline of 5 acts where the first act was detailed to the degree of each chapter being specified. The chapters here were much smaller than I usually make chapters: 1-2k. I wrote act i and ii and it was actually great, and then I hit act iii which required a lot of set up for misunderstandings and a mini romance arc. I couldn’t wing it, but nor could I figure it all out with outlining. I write dialogue in almost sort of an improv “Yes, and...?” style, so until I do it, I don’t know what’s going to happen. So, what I did was treat the second half of act iii as a complete story in the process I describe above, wrote the entire rest of it, and then posted it. One might notice that the chapter lengths grew to 3-5k each. I have two more acts to go, and I haven’t decided how I am going to do them yet, but I suspect I will treat each of them as their own mini-stories.

(I will admit that in Heart is a Muscle, I tend toward chapters that are about 10k long, and this is honestly too long, someone should smack me. If you like punchy chapters, 1-2k is good. I think 3-6k is probably an ideal chapter length. Is this how long the chapters are in my latest fanfic? Absolutely not.)

Okay, so there’s one more step, which is quality control. I am habitual re-reader-- I read my fanfics-in-progress over and over and over while I am working on them. I understand that not everyone does this, but I am usually the primary audience for my own writing, and this is the actual fun part for me. Nevertheless, you should re-read your work at least once, to make sure it hangs together.

This is purely optional, but I recommend it: get a writing friend (if you don’t like re-reading your work, I recommend this even more strongly). If you can get a full-service beta reader, that’s great, but if you can’t find someone, or if receiving that level of critique stresses you out, it’s perfectly valid to just find a friend who will read your stuff and a) shower you with compliments, b) reassure you about parts you aren’t sure about (or suggest ways to help) and c) point out any huge problems you missed. When I am writing a long fanfic, it is a huge motivational factor for me to be able to send my beta chapters as I finish them. If you are already an established writer, and you have people who consistently comment on your fic, they might be overjoyed to get a sneak peak at your work.

And that’s it! That’s the way I do it, anyway! Some people are able to sit down and write a very detailed outline and the write it start-to-finish. Good for them, I say! I have tried this and it doesn’t work great for me. I will admit that some of my fics (especially my early ones) I just sat down and banged out whole-cloth like an insane person and they are generally better than the ones I actually plan out, but that’s not a reproducible process.

As one final mechanical note, I usually write in Google Docs, which I can access on multiple devices (I used to write a lot on my phone), has convenient sharing functionality, and I use the ao3 html formatting script add-in. I generally have two documents for a single story-- one is the outline, and any other notes I want to have handy. I’ll usually put a trashcan space at the bottom for scenes that got cut but I don’t want to lose. The other is the fanfic itself.

I hope this is helpful! Please feel free to follow up with other questions and good luck with your writing!

[bookinit02]

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 MEEEMMEEEEEEE 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟💥💥💥🌟💥🌟🌟💥🌟🌟🌟 MEE

OKOKOK!!! there are. a ridiculously infinite number of directions i could go with this so i think the real challenge will be picking Only 5. but dw i’ll add more later so u can listen!!

ok cannot express how sorry i am to start off so Unbelievably Strong bc i know this song is probably like. a straight up slap in the face😭 BUT ok listen listen i found this on my gifted kid burnout playlist while i was combing thru songs for other people and i immediately wrote it down for later bc i was like. wow this is actually the most moon coded song i’ve ever heard in my entire life. obv i won’t explain the lyrics bc i don’t want to put u on blast but i feel like this reminds me SO much of ur internal monologue or just like. the things u say abt urself (not that i agree OBVIOUSLYYYY) . also the other thing abt this is that it is rlly upbeat & pleasant to listen to while the lyrics are actually so deep and tender and. aching almost? i just feel like this is you in a song. so sorry again hope u don’t hate me after this & i promise they will not all be like this ok😭 but. anyway moving on!🙂

ok well obv the title means moon but also i think this is just so gentle & poetic!! i do associate u w/ poetry very much for many reasons so honestly that’s all i’ve got for this one😙

i associate u w/ mitski so insanely much & this is the one i think of the most for some reason? i think it was on a fic playlist and i probably looped it a gazillion times while i was writing a comment or something. but yes u are so mitski coded as u have told me many times, and i had to have at least one on here!!

this is another one that ALWAYSSS makes me think of u, specifically bc of when u pointed out the way he says that One Line and now i can never unhear it. also bc u love the 1975. and also this song is so fun just like u and u sure are Way Out!

omg this one too!!! i associate this so specifically with ur fics & it is just so upbeat & fun and it just reminds me of calling u & being super happy bc u always cheer me up🫂

ok!! that was actually much much harder than i thought it would be so. dw i’ll add songs to the playlist bc i have so many but!! hopefully u like these ones :) ofc most of them u recommended to me so hopefully that’s not cheating😭 also i feel like there should be a bts song on here but. i was too tired to pick one sorryyy! love u sm🫂💗

[lynzine]

General (Fic) Progress Update

Hi everyone! If you read my fanfics you’ve probably noticed a bit of a slowdown. This is due to a combination of:

The frankly insanely busy period of time between September and January (and I think I can safely say that there will always be a delay during those months) 

A severe case of burnout beginning in August (my attempt to take a break were immediately undermined by family emergencies, which have mostly been resolved)

My decision to look into grad school (which has led to me taking another class that I don’t actually have time for but I’m making it work)

Other writing obligations. (Some time ago I won a contest and wrote an ep of the excellent Star Trek Podcast Starship Excelsior, the ep is named “A Day at the Park”. They asked if I wanted to write another ep and I said yes.) Also, my original work. 

Working on a novel length Avatar Fic so that I will be able to release something once a week. It is definitely a ways off. 

BUT I haven’t abandoned my fics. So here’s a general update for those who were wondering.  Avatar

Aang, Sokka, and Katara are Awkward Turtleducks

I have a good idea what happens next and where I’m going, but I keep rewriting Sokka’s initial response in the wake of Chapter 9.

A Strong Bond

Honestly? I just haven’t had time. While I know, in general, what is going to happen, I give myself a lot of freedom in the details and the Siege has a lot of potential for scenes and relationships I don’t automatically expect. The next chapter requires I sit down and write for at least two hours rather than scribbling between other responsibilities and I haven’t had that time. It’s on the list.

Crystal Flowers

I’ve never written a story quite as chaotically as I write this one. I tend to write scenes from all over the story and rearrange them in a proper plot when I type them (this is a story that has first drafts on the back of receipts). I’m a little stuck on getting Toph over the nerves after Poppy’s overload, but I’ve got some good scenes before and after that. So it’s coming... just very randomly.

Life is a Dream (Dreaming Together)

The overwhelming thing about writing something that starts in their childhood is that I keep thinking of more scenes. I know exactly what’s going to happen from Kya passing on (give or take a few lighter moments... okay, a LOT of lighter moments), but I’m stuck between chapter 4 and everything that happens because I keep thinking of more to add. It has reached the point where I’m considering creating a new story that starts at Kya’s death so that I can jump to the plot and go back to the childhood when I have time or feel inspired. 

Lineage (Family: Lost and Found)

Another one where I’m just so busy that it’s fallen by the wayside for now. I swear, it’s on my list. I just have so much going on. (Also, I’m remembering I was a little stuck on Iroh’s reaction. I know his response to Azula but he and Aang are between the two and I just... kept rewriting for a while.)

Out of Sync

Lack of time and low engagement. I still really like this one so I will get back to it at some point. I really like Bumi here. 

The Lost Heir

Many plans. Thinking I’m going to switch Imprisoned with the King of Omashu so that Zuko is exposed to Fire Lord Azula’s reign before he and Aang see Bumi. Not sure when I’ll have time to write though. 

I have a lot of other Avatar fics in the works... Kinda overwhelming to think about. But I’ll be doing my best to get you all actual updates (and get that novel length one done so you can have a chapter a week). 

Marvel

Mother (Say Uncle)

I have a plan! I have plans for like 5 stories! (After Mother will be Uncle... you’ll get Steve and Thor! Then Nephew, which I’m looking forward to!) The problem is... I can’t find the notebook where I wrote the next chapter. The next chapter was written over a year ago! I just can’t FIND IT. And it’s just really hard to motivate myself to rewrite it, despite trying. So... If I find the notebook, you’ll get this chapter soon. If I don’t... probably not until things have calmed down a little bit. I’m so sorry guys...

Detective Conan

The Trouble with Soulmarks

So... this is a little tricky because it’s my first really popular fic... but if you’ve followed me for long, you might know... I’m not a big shipper. I never have been. I started this fic for a friend who ships Kaito/Shinichi. I don’t have plans to drop this fic. But I just don’t have the emotional energy to write a ship at the moment. I’ll do my best to continue this fic when things calm down and I’m in a better headspace.

The Magicless Magician

A little bit of the same as the Trouble with Soulmarks but also... Rowling came out as a TERF, guys... I’ll get back to this fic eventually, but I’m still feeling bitter and pissed/betrayed.

Manipulations of the Heart (Matters of the Heart)

Genuinely trying to find time to work on this fic. I wasn’t kidding in the tags about it being one of my absolute favorite fics to work on (which I honestly think is reflected in the quality of the writing). I know what happens next. I know what happens long term. I just truly haven’t had time to write it. This fic WILL be completed... eventually. 

Star Trek

Protective Paranoia 

My original plan didn’t work. Needed to rework it. Have done a decent job on a few parts but also... TIME. I’m working on that Star Trek script so maybe I’ll be able to use this as a warm up, maybe not. 

And I think that’s everything for now. I fell into a little bit of a Batman (Tim Drake) fanfic hole during my burnout and will probably post two or three fics that I started in comments that the authors seemed to like, but I’ll do my best to post an Avatar fic or update on those days too. 

Hope that helped. 

Edit: ...I have no idea why the published post changed the format, but I don’t have time to fix it. I think it’s still readable. 

[mellybaggins]

when did you first start writing?

Middle school (that would be 1992 or so.) I wanted to write down the stories about my favourite characters on tv that my friends and I talked about while going for walks.

what was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Star Trek! Then X-Files, then Lord of the Rings.

do you ever read your own writing for fun?

Sometimes, though mostly to proofread and remember stuff I said ten chapters ago that the current chapter I'm writing is referring to.

if you could erase any three tropes from existence, what would they be?

I honestly don't have that strong of an opinion on tropes. They can all be good in the write hands, I think. They're tropes for a reason.

do you prefer writing longer or shorter works?

My giant longfic can attest to how much I like longer works, but I do like the occasional short fic now and then. Oathbreaker began life as a Nanowrimo story, that became a series of short fics which later became the first several chapters of my now longfic.

do you have a “guilty pleasure” (trope, character, au etc.) to read or write?

I'm an angst junkie. The main character must suffer, apparently. No conflict, no story amirite? Also enemies to friends/lovers is fun.

what is your favourite thing that you’ve ever written?

Oathbreaker, specifically my backstory chapters. Those surprised the hell out of me, and I tried all kinds of new stuff with them that seemed to work well. I liked my backstory characters so much some of them will be appearing in present day in Act 3.

tell us the titles of your three favourite works in progress.

I really only have two WIPs. The next chapters of Oathbreaker that's almost ready called Frozen Angels, and a prompt drabble for Gale and Laileth with the tentative title IngwaR.

which app do you use to write?

Google Docs. I can write on my computer and on my phone, depending on my mood.

what is your most favourite character to write about and why?

Morwen/Idril is probably the most complex character I've written, I'm so damned proud of how she's evolved over time. A very close runner up is Amdir, damn he's fun to write.

what is your least favourite character to write about and why?

I don't think I have one. I did purposely avoid including some characters in Oathbreaker though, to reduce the amount of narrative juggling I'll have to do, but I can't think of anyone so far I don't enjoy writing. There are a few whose voice intimidates me, but that's not the same.

do you read a lot of fanfiction?

I try to, but I also have to make time for my own writing and my day job. When Oathbreaker is finished I will be taking time to just read, because there's so much good stuff out there, omg. I try to schedule some time every week to read though, I have a few that I keep up with regularly.

how do you shake burnout or writer’s block?

Take breaks. If it's not coming, I'm trying too hard. Listen to music, go for a walk, do chores. That's when I get most of my good ideas actually. Music just speaks to my soul and the chapters come. Take a nap. To amend John Mulaney's words: 'Do my characters hate me, or do I just need to go to bed?'

do you write smut? if yes, would you ever stop? if no, would you ever consider it?

Yes. No, in that order. I have a complicated relationship with smut. I love reading it, but I get an anxiety response in my body when I write it due to religious trauma. So I try to force myself to write it as often as I can, which my characters are more than happy about. Fuck you, religious trauma, I'm writing about elves and vampires and wizards and bear men having depraved polyamorous sex.

are there any works you’ve written that you personally dislike?

Some, but they're all on my ancient FF.net account that will never see the light of day. Maybe one day I'll go back there and edit my own stuff and repost it on Ao3, but not for a while.

when do you think you’ll stop writing fanfiction?

When it's no longer fun. When my inspiration runs dry. When it starts to feel like work.

how many wips do you have right now?

Two. One chapter of my longfic and one prompt fic.

name three fic writers you personally like to read from or are inspired by.

@bhaalbabebardlock who is just the best encouragement I could ask for, @ballofbitter who writes Karlach way better than I ever could, and @astarionfreak who writes just, the best smut.

do you proofread your writing before you post it?

OBSESSIVELY. Even after it's posted I still go back and fix things and hope no one notices.

inbox game for fanfic writers 📨🖊️

when did you first start writing?

what was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

do you ever read your own writing for fun?

if you could erase any three tropes from existence, what would they be?

do you prefer writing longer or shorter works?

do you have a “guilty pleasure” (trope, character, au etc.) to read or write?

what is your favourite thing that you’ve ever written?

tell us the titles of your three favourite works in progress.

which app do you use to write?

what is your most favourite character to write about and why?

what is your least favourite character to write about and why?

do you read a lot of fanfiction?

how do you shake burnout or writer’s block?

do you write smut? if yes, would you ever stop? if no, would you ever consider it?

are there any works you’ve written that you personally dislike?

when do you think you’ll stop writing fanfiction?

how many wips do you have right now?

name three fic writers you personally like to read from or are inspired by.

do you proofread your writing before you post it?

[eradicatetehnormal]

I'm In a Mood For SoRoku and Being Honest

To tell the truth, I first started shipping it because I was feeling burnout from my main ship at the time which was SoRiku, as well as to spite the uh...War. I also moved onto it because I saw that there was pretty much only one VenSo shipper, and that was UltySo (another god-tier ship btw).

At the time, I wasn't really invested in Roxas as a character. I just wasn't as invested in him as other KH2 players when I first played. I kinda wanted to get to Sora as quickly as possible. It took me a long time to really care for his character, and honestly, I think getting into SoRoku and meeting people who absolutely ADORED his character, I began to reevaluate him in my head. Not gonna lie, mid-key, I am a "fake fan". I don't mess with the mobile games (currently), I have yet to watch Re:Coded, and I didn't play/watch COM or 358/2 until after I played KH3. I think that it was when I got a friend to watch 35- 1 7 9 D A Y S with me that I really started to feel for Roxas and saw firsthand what he went through pre-KH2 and how much his friends really meant to him, and how tragic it was to see them come apart.

This isn't to say that I love Roxas to the same extent that I love Sora. I couldn't give the character-analysis-type essays for him that I have done for Sora in the past, but I appreciate his character and will happily call him one of the best additions to the Kingdom Hearts series due to the concept alone. Being Sora's nobody and wanting to be a separate being but then accepting your fate? That's super interesting!

N O W, Onto the ship *regular show noise*

I feel like I just recently realized how good the ship was and the P O T E N T I A L. Sora realizing the errors of his thinking towards the nobodies and telling Roxas that he deserves to be his own person, following through in KH3 by spending nearly a quarter of the game trying to figure out how to give him a proper body. Roxas resenting Sora in KH2, then accepting his "fate" as a nobody, putting his trust in someone who was a bit of a stranger, and then seeing the good in that person, and why people value him so much. TWO PEOPLE GETTING OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT DUE TO FALSE NOTIONS AND THEN GROWING TO RESPECT AND CARE FOR EACH OTHER. *whispers* the potential is strong with this one.

If only they interacted more, then more people would see what we see.

Anyway, anybody got good fic recommendations? A SFW story about the two falling in love and then not recognizing it until halfway is preferred, but not mandatory.