#and holy shiiit !! this is a PUPPY

[happyheidi]

Sorry for the spam!! My queue went nuts (well no… it just did what it’s supposed to do but I didn’t pay attention to the time of everything😅) it’s going so good here btw !! 😵 Moffe and Frida foreverrrrrr <3 I have so much to tell you holy shit !! I don’t even know where to begin!

Im super super tired now and going to bed 🛌 dumping of some frida pics cus I luv you lots <3

I’ll tell you more tomorrow 🛌❄️🌧🤍

[bapyess1r]

Sunny Daze

WARNINGS: SMUT like a mf, cursing, angst

Pairings: best friend!Elena x OC, Sam x OC

Tags:

Chapter 15

Sunny’s POV

I stood in the bathroom, washing my body down with a washcloth in the sink. The shower in my motel room was less than favorable so I opted for a bird bath. As I washed my body, I began to think of how to talk to my best friend’s wife. My other best friend. I felt horrible. And I knew I should’ve called Elena the moment Nathan told me that she didn’t know where he really was. ���‘Malaysia job…’” I muttered to myself, sourly, shaking my head. She was far from stupid. She was a journalist for Christ sake. And the fact that he never told any of us about Sam… neither did Sully… but you would at least think he’d tell her.

Once I cleaned myself up, I threw on a short plain black dress and a flowery blue sheer cover up. I needed a break from the dirty clothes. Luckily, there was a washer/dryer around and I gathered my laundry in a plastic bag to take them there. I slipped on a pair of sandals and grabbed my wallet and room key. I was going to go to a convenient store later; just on the next corner from here. If I was going to talk to Elena, I was going to need to get a little buzzed afterwards. I stepped outside onto the terrace and standing right outside my door, in nothing but dirty jeans and a tight white tank, was none other than Sam. He leaned over the railing, pressing his thumb into his palms as he looked down at the lit up pool water. He bore a look of guilt and exhaustion. His eyelids heavy and his shapely lips pulled into a slight frown. I blinked a couple times, admiring his strong back before remembering that he’d made me mad earlier in the day. He kept trying to send me away after we just had that conversation. I took a deep sigh before standing next to him, looking out at the city.

“You okay?” I asked. Regardless of how I felt, Nathan’s decision to push on to Libertalia weighed heavily on us all; even more so on Sam. His expression seemed to change at the sound of my voice. He turned to look at me with a smile.

“I’m better now that you’re here.” He said slipping his arm around my waist and pulling me close, kissing my cheek. I moved away from him and crossed my arms. He gave a shallow chuckle and scratched his head. “Did I do something?”

“Sam, you did it again. And we just talked about it at the tower. Just talked about it. Evidently we need to talk again. And in full this time. But first, I need to speak to Elena.” I said starting down the stairs.

“You hungry? We can talk about it over dinner… I was gonna go grab some food.” He asked like a hurt puppy. I looked back at him and nodded lazily before continuing to the laundry space.

“Don’t forget beer.” I called back to him.

After I tossed my clothes in the machine, I set a timer on my smartphone and went around the motel to find Elena’s room. Room 211. I stood in front of her door, bouncing on my tip toes as I knocked on the door. I bit my lip nervously as I heard the faint pitter patter of her footsteps from the other side. My heart skipped as I heard the door unlock and I think I stopped breathing. She opened the door with puffy red eyes and a tear stained face, already dressed in her pajamas to sleep. My heart broke as I looked into her big brown eyes and I couldn’t do anything else but throw my arms around her neck. It took a few seconds but she finally wrapped her arms around me and tightened her hold, her tears wetting my shoulder. I gave a deep sigh and tightened my grip too. “I’m so sorry- I know I suck, I know I should’ve called, I’m so shitty, I’m the literal worst-” I said in one breath and I could feel her laughing a little. A small smile crept onto my lips as she pulled away with a sniffle.

“You’re none of those things, Sunny. You’re fine. It’s Nathan.” She told me, wiping away her tears and inviting me inside. I knitted my brows as she closed the door and I sat at the foot of her bed, ready to listen. “First he lies about Malaysia and now he has… A brother….” was all she could say. She sighed as she sat with her back against the headboard, picking at her nails and chewing her lip, her gaze drifting nowhere in particular. I blew some air and gave a short head tilt.

“Yeah… Tell me about it…” I said resting on one of my hands as I crossed my legs.

“You mean you didn’t know either?” She asked me.

“Just Nate and Sully…” I shrugged. “I only found out when he called.” I said as she stretched out her short legs and crossed her ankles.

“I wonder what happened to him…” she said. I began to tell her the story of how Sam had gotten left in jail almost exactly as he’d told me; of course all whilst voicing my own thoughts and opinions. With every part of the story, I started to feel sad for him all over again. Thinking that maybe I should give him a break… “Jesus… that’s awful.”

“I know right… he’s lost so much of his life- fifteen years?! I was in a jail cell for three months and I was complainin’ like a mother….” I groaned. All my bullshit complaints seemed so trivial when I look back on it now.

“I couldn’t even imagine…” she mumbled. “But why would Nate lie about it? He could’ve told me…”

“I honestly don’t have the answer. I love my boy to death but sometimes he ain’t got the sense God gave a goose.” I said plainly and Elena burst into a giggle. I smiled. “I mean seriously, there’s a tree stump in Louisiana with a higher IQ.” She laughed a bit harder, slapping my knee and I joined in. It was good to see her smiling and not crying. After our laughter died, I began to pick out the leftover dirt from my nails as I spoke. “I’m not tryna make excuses for him at all. What he did was stupid...as hell. Sully and I both told him so. He wanted to keep you from doin’ the same thing I’m doin’. Sticking your neck out for someone you don’t know.”

“But he let you do it?” She questioned. I smirked.

“I’m not his world. You are. Can you blame him for wanting to protect this beautiful face?” I said, pinching her cheek. She gave a half laugh and chewed on her lip again. At that moment, I thought about Sam and what he might’ve been trying to do. I hung my head and rolled my eyes, shaking my head. ‘Goddammit…’ I thought. I looked up at her. “Listen, Els… I’m not gonna try to convince you to stay. And you know me. I’m not the best at…. consoling people. But what I can do is promise to look out for Nathan if it makes you feel better…”

She looked at me with a bit of fear shining in her eyes. “Has it really been that dangerous?” She asked me. I wasn’t going to lie to her. She deserved better than that. I had already lied to her so much already.

“It’s working it’s way up to be the closer we get to finding this treasure. And Sam’s so obsessed with it, all the near death experiences don’t even phase him…” I sighed, shaking my head, shivering as I thought about the couple of close calls I had all day.

“Nothing ever really scares you though.” She said and I scoffed with widened eyes and a nervous chuckle.

“Shiiit….. this trip might get me.” I laughed, scratching at the tip of my nose with my finger nail. “I almost fell out of the 4x4 hangin’ off a cliff this morning so….” She widened her eyes at me with a gasp.

“I’m sorry- what?” She exclaimed. I pursed my lips and gave a nod.

“That deadass happened… and I lost my cool for a minute. Kinda snapped at your husband.” I chewed on my lip and cocked my eyebrow. “If it weren’t for Sam actually, I would’ve quit…”

“So you trust this guy?” She asked. I shrugged.

“More or less. To be fair, I trust no man.” I smirked and Elena returned it. She knew what I was about and that’s why I loved her. Suddenly, my phone’s alarm went off and I groaned as I silenced it. “I would love to stay and chat with you some more but… I have clothes in the wash and a whole other conversation to have.” I said rolling my eyes, honestly not really wanting to leave.

“With who?”

“With Sam…” I said and she nodded, picking at the skin on her lips. “Much like another Drake we know, he has a tendency to protect me from damn near everythin’....” I told her as I stood and she just laughed.

“Yeah. That seems to be a common theme, huh?” She commented as she stood. I turned to look at the strong and beautiful woman before me as my hand touched the door knob. I was blessed to have a friend like her in my life. Lord knows she deserved better than all of us.

“I’ll be seein’ ya?” I asked.

“Perhaps.” She joked. I hugged her once again and left her room with a sigh. She had a lot to think about.

Sam’s POV

I walked down the street with a cigarette hanging from my lips, humming a tune as I carried a four pack of tall cans and a half and half pizza. All things considered, I was feeling pretty good. We had a lead and a damn good one at that. And I was almost positive Rafe hadn’t figured out where we were going yet. This talk with Sunny though… I know it’s been annoying to hear herself repeat to me that she can handle herself. And I understood that but the main reason was that I couldn’t have her hate me if things got “hinky”. I know what I’m like during the hunt and things were only going to escalate the closer we got to this treasure.

As I came around the corner, I noticed Sunny coming out of the laundry room. She wore a fitted black dress and a flowing blue shawl fell off of her shoulder. My heart skipped a few beats looking at her. To say that I was simply attracted to this woman was an absolute understatement. I called out to her, goofily grinning and raising the food in my hands. “I didn’t know what you liked on your pizza so it’s half pep half cheese.”

“Booo, no pineapple?” She smirked, taking the pizza from me as she climbed the stairs and I followed behind her, watching her hips work like a cat as I ash my cigarette. ‘Holy shit, what a woman…’ I thought as I bit my lip and shook my head. It should be a crime to look that good. I grunted as I pushed my legs up the steep stairs and into her room. “God, I’m so hungry, I could eat the north end of a south-bound goat.” She mumbled. I cackled. She said the darnedest things sometimes and I loved every second of it. “Did Nate say anything after I left?” She asked as she sat down at the head of the bed and opened the box, revealing a steamy, mouthwatering pie. The scent filled the room as I closed the door behind me and sat at the foot of her bed.

“Besides swearin’ all over the place and tellin’ me to go pack, not really no. I think he needed some space.” I said, kicking off my boots and sitting cross legged to face her. I pulled two cans from the plastic ring and handed her one before looking about for the ashtray. Without even looking, she picked it up off her nightstand and passed it to me. I smirked as I placed the butt in the mostly clean tray and she cracked open her can, sipping it gingerly. I watched her face as she poked her lip out afterwards with a nod. “It’s good?” I ask.

“It’s alright for what it is.” She said with a shrug. Then she did something that really got to me for some reason. She turned the can around in her hands to check the alcohol percentage. “It’s 10% though so if you drink it fast enough, you’ll be good to go.” I gave an earnest chortle as I sipped my own beer, my heart pounding. She was right. It wasn’t that great but it would definitely numb my muscles for the night.

“Now let’s see about this pizza.” I rubbed my hands together as a delicious scent crept through my nostrils. I picked up a pepperoni piece and held the wide slice in my hands. Sunny did the same, picking of a piece of pepperoni as strings of cheese held on to the cooked meat. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she gave a satisfied moan, giving me a slight twinge in my pants. A smile pulled on my lips as I took a bite of my own slice. “Oh hell yes.” I grumbled with a mouth full of pizza.

“Hell. Yes.” She agreed as she ate. I chuckled and we continued to eat the whole pizza. That woman could put away some food. She was so small though; I wondered where it all went. Even with her cheeks stuffed with pizza, she was the most amazing person to look at. As she leaned back to let her stomach settle, I could see her chest heaving. And I watched for a moment, letting my eyes fall to her cleavage. I followed her collarbone over her petite shoulders and up her delicate neck; To her jawline, her perfect face (even with a few bruises and scrapes) and all over her sweet caramel skin. My heart stopped a tick when she looked at me with those big baby eyes. I remembered the way she touched me as we escaped the thrall of a fleet of Shoreline soldiers, the way she kissed me just before then, and how she fought so bravely in several fights before that. I couldn't bear something happening to this outstanding woman. And I know she didn’t like it but I would always try to keep her safe… I cleared my throat and picked up my beer before speaking.

“So… don’t hate me...” I began, taking a large gulp and closing up the box to sit it on the floor beside the bed. She raised a brow at me as she sipped from her can to wash down her food. “But I wanted to suggest something.”

“Oh no,” she sang with a smile. “What is it?”

“I think you should go with Elena… back home, I mean…” I treaded very lightly on this subject. Just as I had said those words, the smile on her face disappeared as quickly as it came.

“Samuel Drake…” she growled, gripping her beer tightly as she stood to pace.

“Hear me out-” I started, raising my hands defensively, scooting towards the edge of the bed.

“Sam, I am not leaving-” I cut her off, getting a little frustrated myself. She was being so stubborn. She was almost as bad as me. When I say I’ve met my match…

“Sunny, just listen to me for a sec-”

“No you listen!” She snapped. I shut up and gave a huff as I ran my hand down my face, letting an elbow and a hand rest on my knees as they bounced anxiously. I set off the bomb and now it was time to be blown to bits. “I want to be here, Sam! Not just for you, not just because Nathan needed me- I needed this adventure! You know what I’m goin’ home to after this?! Absolutely not shit! Not a damn thing but a shitty job that I wish I could just up and leave because I get no respect, harassed every day, and nothin’ but backhanded compliments from ignorant tools tryna grab my ass. I wanna die every day, Sam. Literally die!” She told me as her brows furrowed and her lips curled into a snarl. I could feel my face publicize a downcast look while she spoke. My brows knitted together as a sort of sadness took place in my eyes. “When I get called on a job, I am so excited to leave that shitty bar. And I hope the job lasts for months. Even if we don’t find anything, I’m grateful to just be gone. And then Nathan calls me to Italy… and I meet you. This scruffy lookin’ nerfhearder…” she chuckled towards the end. A warm smile crept onto my face at the Star Wars reference as she ran a thumb across my cheek. “And you’re… funny and really smart, a ridiculous flirt and strong in more ways than one. You’re everything a man should be… But you’re stupid. And you’re reckless as hell. And you wanna do every damn thing by yourself-”

“If I do it myself, no one gets in the way-” I replied, trying my best to get a word in but she wasn’t having it. She growled.

“But it can’t always be like that, Sam!” She snapped, cutting me off. Her hands waved about as she spoke. “W-What if you get caught in another trap- like you did today- and you can’t get out of it? What if you set something off and you end up drowning or impaled or blown up?! I like you way too much to let something like that happen to you!” She huffs and looks up trying to keep the tears at bay but her huff is strained in her throat and her eyes are starting to grow glassy, and all I want to do is hold her. Her lips trembled as I reached out to place my hands on her waist, knees parting slightly for her to stand between them. Nobody ever talked to me this way. Demanding… with confidence and slight authority… With this much worry...

“Sunny… I couldn’t forgive myself if anything or anyone hurt you. I just wanna protect you as much as possible. The closer we are to finding Avery’s treasure, the more likely we are to run into Rafe and God knows what he’d do to you-”

“I’m not afraid of Rafe.” She commented.

“I know, sweetheart… Nothin’ is gettin’ by you. And that’s one of the many, many things I like about you so much. And I’m sorry. I didn’t know life was that awful for you back home…” I told her as I hooked my hand under her thigh and pulled it over my leg so that she was straddling me. I let my hands massage her hips and cup the rounds of her ass for a moment as I looked at her. I snaked a hand around her neck and brought her forehead to mine. ‘But at least you’d be alive…’ I thought as our noses bumped into each other’s. “And I’ll be more careful, sweetheart…” I told her in a rough but very sincere tone. I kissed her in the crook of her neck. “I promise… I promise…” She let out a soft moan as I kissed a trail up and across her neck to kiss her cheek, wiping away a single tear with my thumb. “I’m sorry…” I whispered as my breath danced about hers. Her soft, small hands wrapped around my neck; One playing with the curls at my nape. She tugs on them lightly, pulling my face away from hers for a moment to stare into my eyes.

“Don’t leave me again, Samuel Drake…” she shivered as I ran a hand down her back gently.

“I won’t…” I gasped as she pressed her velvety lips on my neck, kissing each bird tattooed in a flock on my neck.

I pulled the shawl down from her shoulder, placing hot kisses there. I tightened my grip on her as she worked her way up to my ear, nibbling on it carefully and I let out a shaky moan. Our lips crashed together and all my worries disappeared for a moment. The kiss was hungry and greedy on my part. I wanted her. I needed her. But I was seriously mistaken when I thought that I was the only one in control of the situation. She slipped off her shawl and dug her fingers into my hair, kissing me back with unrelenting passion as her hips rolled in my lap.

I betrayed myself with a moan as she forced me down on the bed. ‘Holy shit…’ I thought as she marked my neck and chest with sucks and nibbles, leaving behind a trail of pink and purple bruises as she went. She pulled at the hem of my tank and I helped her pull it off me as her hands fiddled with my belt. She made short work of it and I sat up a moment to touch her but she pushed me back down again. A surprised twitter of laughter left my throat as she continued to place kisses down my stomach. Her fingers ghosting over the scars from when I was shot. My breathing hitched under her electrifying touch and she began to undo my jeans. I had to say, it was new to me that I was the first one to be undressed. I wasn’t used to it but I damn sure wasn’t complaining.

I let my hands roam under her dress, slapping her ass as I did and she gasped, being caught off guard. That was my chance. I sat up again and lifted the dress over her head quickly, her breasts falling freely in front of me, revealing an elaborate under breast tattoo. I groaned at the sight of her, cupping them roughly and massaging my thumbs into her nipples as I placed vicious kisses across her chest and between the valley of her breasts. She let out a sweet sigh as my hips bucked up into hers and I could feel myself growing ridiculously hard beneath her. She moved her hips a little eagerly, trying to get more friction but all that made me want to do was fuck her sooner. But I couldn’t do that just yet. I wanted to take my time with her. I swiftly picked her up in my arms and flipped her on her back. A big satisfied smile crawled across her face as I hovered over her, rubbing myself against her center. I smirked when I leaned down to kiss her again, her tongue darting over my lips, begging for entrance and I let her in. My teeth dragged along her bottom lip and I let myself drag a kiss over her chin and across her jaw, leaving wet kisses over her throat. I let out an amused chuckle as I felt the vibrations from her moans on my lips.

My hand slipped down between us and I could feel her wetness through her pink lacy panties already. She was making it very hard for me to take this slow. I let my fingers slip past the hem and she bucked her hips the moment I laid a single finger on her drenched slit. She began rocking her hips against the heel of my palm but I pushed her hips down with my free hand and picked up the pace myself. Her eyes squeezed tightly closed as I brought her to the edge, her chest heaving as she gasped for air. Just when she thought she was about to let go, I stopped with a sadistic grin on my lips. I brought myself to my knees and pulled her panties down over her legs, a string of wetness clinging to the fabric and my mouth watered. I massaged her inner thighs, my kisses leaving bruises the closer I got to her dripping cunt. Finally, I realized that I was only teasing myself and licked a long stripe with the flat side of my tongue.

She let out a long shivery sigh. I grinned as I made out with the lips between her hips for a while, lapping up the juices as they fell. I sucked on her clit rather roughly as I snaked my arms under her hips to keep her in place and she took hold of my hair, tugging on it with need. I growled into her and the tip of my tongue teased her so. My name was hot on her lips as I worked. I brought her close to the edge again and pulled away with a laugh. She didn’t seem too amused. She growled and slammed her hands into the mattress as I stood to pull down my jeans. Just as my cock sprang from my confines, rock hard, standing pink and veiny, Sunny sat up and wrapped her small hands around it. My knees almost gave out at the sudden contact. She took the opportunity to switch positions and now I sat on the edge of the bed. Her hands glided up and down my member so skillfully before her tongue met with my tip, leaking pre cum. She sucked at the tip a while before taking me whole in her mouth. The groan that tore from my throat was a little louder than I meant for it to be. “Jesus, sweetheart…” I managed to say as she made me a moaning mess. Her tongue dragged along the underside of my cock as she caressed my balls gently and it took everything in me not to cum right then and there. Just as that burn began to swell in the pit of my stomach, she ceased any further stimulation and kissed the tip with a cheeky wink. ‘Fuck…’ I thought with a massive huff.

She climbed my body like a tree, kissing her way up to my lips and I caressed her face gently. My member graced her slit ever so lightly and she moaned into me, basically teasing me as she rubbed her wetness onto me. Then she took hold of me, easing herself down onto me with an erotic sound escaping her lips. The words “please ride me” left my mouth before I could even think. And with that she began bouncing on top of me. I left my hands on her hips to give her more stability as she pleasured herself with my cock. My heart was about to rip out from my chest, it was beating so hard. I tried picking up my hips to meet her bounces but she placed both hands firmly on my chest and began to ride me into the night. I was seeing stars as she looked down at me. I reached out for her face as she rolled her body on mine, our moans mixing in with each other’s like music as she slowed down. I growled into her mouth as my hand came in harsh contact with her ass again and she gasped. “Bend over the desk, baby girl.” I told her in a low commanding tone. For once she did as she was told and sauntered over to the bare desk, wiggling her ass at me a little as she rested her palms flat on the wood. That’s when I noticed the tattoo of Japanese characters lined down her spine. That was enough motivation to get me going again.

I walked over to her, lifting one of her knees onto the surface of the desk, making her back arch perfectly. I slapped her ass again before driving into her roughly. My thrusts were needy and wanton as I rested my chin on her shoulder, grunting animalistically in her ear as the pitch of her moans grew higher and higher. I pressed her hips down into the desk as I felt myself hit her spot. And I knew I did when she squealed. I couldn’t stop. My name sounded like a prayer coming from her as I drove into her like mad, hitting that spot for her over and over again. I was nearing my end too. As she cried out, I felt her walls tighten around me and I let out an audible noise of satisfaction as that burn swelled in me again, spilling my seed deep into her as I let her milk me dry. I slowed my thrusts as a thin sheet of sweat appeared on my forehead. I was heaving as I rested my head on her shoulder and she laughed in exhaustion. ‘Best….sex….ever.’ I thought with a laugh of my own as I pulled out from her. She turned around and held my flushed face in her hands before placing a long, meaningful kiss on my lips. All I could do was smile and pull her close.

“I left my clothes in the dryer…” she chuckled. I snorted.

“That’s what you’ve got to say after we just…” I joked and she cracked up with the sweetest laugh. “I mean really. That was some pretty damn good sex and you just…” she laughed even harder and the beautiful smile on her face made me want to kiss her again. “You go get cleaned up, I’ll grab your clothes.” I told her, pushing her short curls off her forehead so I could press a kiss there. Then I pressed one on her cheek and the side of her neck with a pleased smile before gathering my clothes. I put on my jeans, not even caring about a shirt and rushed to get her clothes so that I could go back to her. When I came back, she was wearing that black dress again, curled up over the top of the comforter. Her eyes heavily lidded as she tried her best to stay awake for me. I smiled at her and set her freshly cleaned clothes down in a nearby chair before jumping on the bed next to her.

“Are you sleeping here tonight?” She asked me tiredly as her lashes fluttered over her cheeks. I nodded, stroking her curls and wrapping her small frame in my arms.

“If you don’t mind…” I replied. She gave an incoherent response as I watched her pass out in my embrace. I turned off the lamp beside the bed and just watched her sleep in the glow of the moonlight. I took this time wanting to remember every detail of her, knowing in the morning that she’d hate me for what I was about to do...

[theabominableblogger]

Rewatching “Gotham” S3E14

On this blog, we stan one kickass butler.  And how much he loves his boy

As said before, the rest of these reaction posts I’ll be uploading are not chronological order.  They’re like that because A) college and B) more college.

My sister watched it with me (as well as the other episodes left in my epic “Gotham” reaction series) so my comments will be in bold, and hers will be in regular font.  Author’s notes courtesy of me will be bolded and italicized.

AN:   I managed to record our reactions to this episode and hopefully I can transcribe what I said into this post. 

*gasps as a grenade gets thrown into the precinct*

Jesus God!

Ohhhhh my gosh!

*both freak out over the opening titles*

Molotov cocktails- bet you can’t have just one.

Meanwhile Jeremiah’s like “Eh.  Bazooka.”  *chuckles*

You are walking straight into a trap, Oswald.

*Ed walks in*  I bet you’re wondering why I’ve brought you all here today...

Oswald has like freaking umbrella cufflinks, did you notice that?

*chuckles*

“Oh, you [Ed] escaped.”  Nooo....

*jaw drops as Ed shoots Oswald’s men*

*shook*

“Just wondering if I [Ed] was gonna have to reload.”  Jesus God.

“...what’s happening...”  ‘What’s happening?’  He’s been playing you for a sap!

...Like the cheap kazoo you are.

*starts pretending to play “Amazing Grace” on the kazoo*

*claps hands for each word*  JUSTICE FOR ISABELLA, I swear!

*claps hands*  Yes!

“Isabella was my everything, and you [Oswald] took her from me.”  [Ed] YOU MET HER [Isabella] LIKE A DAY AGO!

*laughs*  You met her in like a span of a day!

*claps hands*  She still deserves better!

I know!  I still think she’s a useless character though.

I don’t care!  She deserved better!

“You [Oswald] still have your life.  But that ends tonight!”  *starts singing “Tonight” from “West Side Story” without trying to giggle*

*chuckles*  You weren’t kidding about the random songs.

Seriously, I do it all the time!

Court of Owls!

The only thing I will never find plausible about the Court of Owls is this idea of “Oh, they’ve been ruling over Gotham from the shadows this whole time,” bullshit.

*both do rising spooky hands*

OK though, I don’t know her name, they don’t give her a name, but she’s like the best.  You see her in previous episodes, she’s like the secretary.  Girl, you rule!

 *puts hands together*  Well, I’m gonna give her a name.  Because in the 66 series, Gordon’s secretary is named Bonnie.

Bonnie!  Ooh, I like that name.

You never actually see Bonnie, you just hear her on the intercom.

“Meanwhile, Cobblepot’s MIA.  You call down to City Hall, and literally no one’s in charge.  Although that might actually be good news.”  *both laugh*

*giggles*  They capitalized “dumpster” on the [close captioning on Netflix]

*waves hands in air in imaginary rainbow*  DUMPster!

“He’s [Jerome] not one to miss out on the fun, so what does he want?”  “A puppy?!?”  *laughs*

“[Oswald] You saw a man that I [Ed] met in Indian Hill that does killer impersonations [Clayface].”  *both end up nodding in agreement*

That’s one way to put it.

I mean, yeah...

“GHOSTS AREN’T REAL!”  Pfft!

“But my father’s remains... you stole them from his grave?”  WHAT NAH WHAT?!?

When did that happen?

I don’t know....

“I [Ed] gently placed his [Elijahs’] remains inside a dumpster behind a Chinese restaurant.”  Oh that’s just mean!

That’s awfuuulll!

That’s meeeaannn!

“You were angry.  I [Oswald] understand.  I even forgive you.”  I love how Ed’s like “Son of a bitch...” and he adjusts his glasses before he turns back.

“So you [Oswald] admit you killed Isabella?”  “Fine.  Is that what you want?”  “Yes.”  *groans in frustration*

“You [Ed] should thank me [Oswald] because we both know what would have happened if I hadn’t!”  *bug eyes in alarm*

WHAAAATTT?!?

“I [Ed] could have lived a life with the woman I loved!”  *both clap hands and aggressively point fingers at screen in agreement*

See see see see?!?  Yes!  God!  Thank you!

“No, Ed.  You would have killed her!”  *leans back*  NOOOOOOOOO!!!

“Just like you did the other one!”  NOOOOOO!!!

Justice for Kristen Kringle too because I’m still pissed about that.

Yeah, I know, I know!  Yeah, I hated what happened to her.

“I did it for love.”  “What?!?”  What?

“I did it because I love you.”  *laughs in frustration*

“Love is about sacrifice!  It’s about putting someone else’s needs before your own!”  *splays hand towards screen in agreement*

“'Cause the truth is, Oswald, you would sacrifice anyone to save your own neck.”  *silently nods in agreement*

“Even me.”  Uh Ed, you’d do it too.  *laughs*

I was gonna say, how does the guy who literally strangled his last girlfriend to death know more about love than [Oswald]?!?

“Now, if you'll look above us, you will see a cauldron of highly corrosive acid, which is currently being held in place by this chain.  When the ice melts, the chain comes loose, the vat of acid tips... you get the idea.”  This is such a Batman 66 trap.

I was gonna say Professor Ratigan but that works too.

*in unison*  Snap!  Boom!  Twang!  Thunk!  Splat!

I mean, if you look really closely at the 66 Riddler, dude was like freaking Jigsaw.

He wasn’t in a wheelchair though.

*in best Jigsaw voice*  Hello, Oswald.

Suck a dick, Oswald,  Though not his dick- you might get mange.

*buries face in elbow*  OH MY GODDDDDD!!

I’m surprised too.

OH MY GOODDDDDDD!!

“I mentioned that you [Jim] killed my husband on our wedding night,and he [Jerome] thought that was hilarious, so that’s something the two of you can bond over when you find him.”  Lee’s just amazing.

LEEEEEEE!!!

Lee deserves better.

Though later, Lee’s like “Mmm, I’m still like extremely angry about this.  Tetch Virus!”  and I’m like “WHY?!?!?!?”

Tetch Virus AKA Dumb Plot Device.

Dull!

“I’ll’’ [Alfred] nip downstairs and see if there’s any life left in that old generator.”  Does he have like no other- did the Waynes have any other staff besides Alfred?

I don’t know...

I’ve always wondered that.

I don’t know.  They never really bring it up.

“Alfred....”  Don’t do it!

*both freak out when Alfred gets jumped by cult followers*

Ohhhh shit!

*Jerome walks in, pretending to be a ghost*  Pfffttt...

Seriously like, where did he get that outfit?

It’s a straitjacket!  He nicked it out of Arkham, I’m sure.

Or it’s like “Oh I’m sorry, gotta find my old friend Bruce.  Oh SYKE!  Outfit change!”

He’s extra enough to do that.

The Valeska twins are just extra to the core.  They’re from the circus, they’re judgy.

*chuckles*  It comes with the territory.

“Teenagers, am I [Jerome] right?”  You are one!

If I recall, he’s like a couple years older than Bruce.

*shakes head*

I would say he’s about [my sister’s] age.

Ohhh OK.

*The owl statue doesn’t break when Jerome drops it*  It stuck!

*groans in frustration when Jerome ends up breaking the owl statue*

“Right.  Sorry.  The old noodle’s still a little al dente post-thaw.”  *laughs*  Al dente?  Is that a pasta?

Don’t know....  I mean, I imagine, waking up from the dead, your brain would feel a little bit like spaghetti.

AN:  Yeah, al dente describes pasta or rice that’s supposed to firm when you eat it. 

“It’s been nagging at me since I [Jerome] woke up.  The idea of slitting that pretty, pink throat of yours...”  Don’t ever refer to Bruce as pretty pink anything.

*imitates the way Jerome twirls his knife in the air before pointing it at Bruce*

“And you’re [Jerome] just going to kill me here?  That’s kinda disappointing.”  You have got balls of steel, Bruce.

*mouths along with Jerome as he says “Flair?  Hmmm?  Style?  Panache?!?”*

He’s like Alex from “A Clockwork Orange”

“I’m Bruce Wayne.”  “I’m aware.”  *both wheeze in laughter*

“My [Bruce’s] company is the machine that keeps the cogs of Gotham running.”  OH MY GOD, you badass!

“You’re saying I [Jerome] need an audience?”  Took you long enough to get it!

*tries not to laugh when Jerome suddenly dips into a British accent in front of Alfred*

“I [Bruce] will see you [Alfred] again.”  *pats chest*  God, I love their relationship in this shoooow!

That was like straight out of “Arkham Origins,” I swear...

I know....

*Oswald still tries to get out of Ed’s trap*  Couldn’t you just like slide up though?  Just shimmy up?

He can’t go far...

“I happen to be the mayor of Gotham...”  *ends up cracking up at the delivery of that line*

“What did you do?”  *scoffs in hilarity*

*Oswald gets out of the trap just in time*  SHIIIT!!

OH IT ATE STRAIGHT THROUGH THE CAR.

*Jerome’s followers trash the manor in front of Alfred*  Damn!

“And how ‘bout you, Mr. Machete?  Come on in, sunshine. Don’t be shy. Your mother wasn’t. Chop-chop.”  *BOTH JAWS DROP IN SHOCK*

*ends up wheezing*

DAAAAAMMMNNNN!!

GOOOO ALFRED!!!

YEESSSSSS!!!

WHERE THE HELL DID YOU [Jim] COME FROM?!?

He snuck in!  That’s why Alfred was saying all that stuff.  He was letting Jim know where everybody was.

Ohhhhhhh.... OK.

*on verge of losing voice*  HE [Alfred] JUST STABBED HIM [the follower] WITH A MACHETE!

HOLY SHIT!

*reels back*  OH ALFRED, YOU BADASS!

Holy shit!

OH MY GOD!

That was awesome!

Oh my God!

*Bruce arrives at the cult circus*  Amusement Mile... I swear this is Amusement Mile..

I think so.  It’s one of the few permanent landmarks Gotham has across incarnations.

*ends up wincing at half of the games the cult plays*

This is like a mix between “The Purge” and “Hell Fest”

Oh God.

That’s literally what this is.

“What do you say, Bruce?  Wanna have some fun before the main event?”  That’s a cool shot [of Jerome].

Hooo hooo...

*dives across room to put on hat for rest of episode*

Alfred’s like “I don’t care, I’m not police, I’m goin’ in!”

Oh my God...

Yess!  Like the badass you are, Alfred!

*winces when Jerome stabs a follower beside him*

*both groan in horror when Jerome uses the blood to paint a frown on Bruce’s face*

*freezes when Tabitha snags her whip around Oswald’s neck*

Oh shit!

“Now, where’s Nygma?”  “I [Oswald] don’t know.”  If he’d knew, he’d murder his ass.

“[Butch] Stop pretending that you are anything but muscle!  Yes, you used to be someone in Gotham, but those days are in the past!”  You stop pretending that you have any pull in this situation, Oswald.  You’re the one who has a whip around your neck!

“Remember when I [Tabitha] put a knife in your mom’s back?”  Oh yeah, she’s the one that killed the mom.  And it SUCKED!

“You [Oswald] never did anything about it.”  *cups hands with mouth*  S4 finale!

*proceeds to smack laptop with hat*

*bug eyes when Butch knocks out Oswald*

“You [Butch] realize you have to carry him now.”  *both chuckle*

C’mon, he weighs like 120 pounds tops.

Soaking wet.

“A few dozen brainwashed maniacs can’t keep the city hostage forever.”  “Well, duh...”  Pffttt...

“The point is that all these people out here, looting, robbing, killing, they're the people who wash your car, who pour your coffee, who take out your trash.  And what happened the moment the lights went out?  They showed their true faces.  They showed how quickly they want to open up your rich boy veins and bathe in your blue blood.”  *very softly*  Oooh, that’s a good line.

“There are good people in Gotham.”  This is the Killing Joke.  ‘All it takes is one bad day.’

“Face it, kid:  Gotham has no heroes.”  Yeah, but the people who crawl under their beds and lock their doors are the ones that are biding their time.

*Bruce pushes Jerome so that he messes up his shot*  Ooohhh!

“Foul!  He pushed me!  Did you see that?!?”  Genesis of Batman and Joker’s relationship:  a shove!

*softly*  Jesus Christ....

*The “punk” ends up being dropped anyway*  Oh my God...

*both yell in disgust when Jerome has to re-staple part of his face*

“Did that hurt?”  *z-snaps in shock*

*Jerome puts a staple in Bruce’s arm*  Did he [Bruce] just No-Sell-

Ohhh!  Ohhh!  YES!  YES HE DID!  Yes he did!

*both yell when Jerome does it again*

Aaahhh!  Aahh, that was on the wrist too!

“Stop!”  He took two!  He took two of those!

Over the wrist too!  God, that’s a major vein!

Did you see Jerome there?!?  He’s like “Well, wait a minute...”

*imitates the dramatic way Jerome puts his hat back on*

“Where the hell is our back up?”  Still two minutes out.”  Alfred is your back up!

*chuckles*  All you need is Alfred!

“All right, so we [Jim, Harvey, and Alfred] go in, find Bruce, get him to safety, then we go after Jerome.  Ready?”  “Not really.”  *chuckles*

*Jerome comes out in his ringmaster costume* AAAAHHHH THE SUIT!!

Oh, that’s so cool.

YESS!!

*Jerome slaps his butt*  Did he-

Yes he did.

“The show is about toooo...begin!”  He [Jerome] was doing a Mark Hamill voice there for a second!

I know!  He does the Mark Hamill laugh sometimes.

Ohhh that’s badass!

Yeah.

*both try to laugh at the stock crowd gasp when Jerome shoots a rowdy audience member*

Y’know what, he [Jerome] would be the guy that would carry around canned sound effects like that.

“So, how to thank the best darn cult of fanatics a messiah like myself [Jerome] could ask for?”  *chuckles*  Oh my God...

“I give you-”  *does small verbal keyboard smash when the ta-da fanfare stock sound goes off*

“QUEUE!”  *laughs*

*Bruce gets carted out*  Oh my God.

*mouths along with Jerome saying “Or better yet.... a boom?,” dramatic hand gesture included*

*The cannon gets rolled out*  They’re gonna shoot his ass out of a cannon?!?

*laughs*  Yeah, like Jerome’s gonna fly out of a cannon!

NO, Y’KNOW WHAT?!?  I would pay good money to see that though!

*legitimately trying not to cry laughing*  I can just see Cameron Monaghan going *makes flying sound effect*

No, like they’re gonna bada bing bada boom [shoot Bruce with the cannon]

Oh OK.

*laughs*

OK, y’know what, I would have bought it either way!

*keels over laughing*  I’m just imagining Cameron Monaghan.... WHHHEEEEEUUUU!!!

AN:  Please God someone draw this, I’m begging you.

“NAILED IT” AS HE [Jerome] POURS IN NAILS!

*both yell in horror at Jerome pouring various kitchen knifes into the cannon*

“Whatever you do, please, definitely try this at home.  Preferably on a family member.”  *wheezes*

“WHOOO!  DOGGIE!”  Somebody saw “Dr. Strangelove.”

Cameron’s like “Yes, I’m getting PAID!”

“Ready, partner?”  *hits desk with hat*

*Alfred starts beating up cult members*  Go Alfred!

Go Alfred!

*mutters*  You magnificent boss, you...

*both laugh when Jerome’s hat gets shot off*

*Jerome sets off the cannon fuse*  Oooooooooohhhhhhh!!

*yells*

*Bruce starts to pick the handcuffs off*  C’mon, Bruuuuuuucceee.... c’mon, Bruuuuucccceee...

C’mon, last handcuff.  You got this.

*Bruce loses one of the staples*  Oooohhhhhhh!!!

Knock the thing [the stand that Bruce is on] over!  Knock the thing over!  Knock it over so at least you’re out of range!

Well he has one more [staple] though in his wrist.  Or does he?  Yeah, he has one more!

*in unison*  C’mon, c’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon!

*jaws drop when Jim and Alfred discover the remnants of the staff that Bruce barely escaped from*

HOLY CRAP!

He broke it?!?

I guess...

Oh no, we gotta back to this [Ed and Oswald drama]!  *hits leg with hat*  Nooooo!!

“I [Oswald] I underestimated you, Barbara.”  *sarcastically*  NAAAHHH, really?!?

I hate that dress [the striped one Barbara wears].  I hate that dress so much.

Holy crap,  ooooohhhh... that’s from Tabitha’s whip [the mark on Oswald’s neck]!

Ooooohhhh... euugghhh...

“So I [Oswald] help you [Barbara] find Ed... things go better for me... I don’t know, you kill me?  That about it?”  That’s just about the sound of it.

“Yeah.”  Yeah.

*Bruce runs into the Mirror Maze*  Oohhhhhhhhh...

Oooohhhhh here we go.

“Bruce, darling.”  *points excitedly at screen*

This is the scene!

This is the one “Dark Knight Returns” homage I will ever accept.

*Jerome in front of the mirrors*  OH MY GOOOOSSSHHH!  Look at that!

That’s awesome.

That is amazing!

That is the coolest damn thing.

Ooooooooooooohhhhh!!

*Bruce comes into the frame*  Whooooo hoo hooo hooooo!!

*shocked*  Oh shit!

“You’re [Jerome] going to pay for what you’ve done.”  *snaps fingers excitedly*

Daaamn, son!

“What’s going on?  [Oswald] You have a weird look on your face.   Like, weirder than normal.”  *scoffs in hilarity*

“Oswald, you loved him, and he [Ed] betrayed you.”  Kill him!  Kill the love you feel!  Prove that death is stronger than love!  And you can have your own life again!

Yes, I quoted “Once on This Island,“ what of it?

“But I killed Isabella... because I wouldn’t share him.”  Yeah, no shit, eh?

“Ed said love is sacrifice.”  *buries face in hat*

“I shoudl have been able to sacrifice my happiness for his.”  It took you this long?!?

*both shook when Ed walks in*

[Oswald] You are so dead now...

“You’re [Ed and Barbara] in this together.”  Yeah, no shit, eh?

“I [Ed] wanted you [Oswald] to die knowing that you were incapable of loving another person.”  “But I can.  I just proved that, right?!?”  No, you didn’t.

You notice that Bruce is like right beside him [Jerome]!

Yep.

“Let’s do this mano y mano.... my little conquistador [Bruce].”  Ahhhhh, don’t call him that.

*gasps when Bruce tackles Jerome from behind*

Shit!

“What kind of hero tackles someone from behind?!?”  *chuckles in shock*

*gasps when Bruce beats Jerome to the ground and starts the beatdown*

Keep going!

*Bruce picks up a piece of glass to stab Jerome with*  Oh shit!

*both too much in the moment to say anything when Bruce decides not to kill Jerome*

*out of breath*  Go Alfred...

C’mon, Alfred!

*both raise our hands and cheer when Bruce runs to hug Alfred*

*Jerome stumbles out toward Bruce and Alfred*  OoOOhhhhh!!  Ohhhh boy...

Take his ass out!  He’s not gonna last much longer!

*yells in shock when Jim runs up and punches Jerome*

*both yell and reel back in horror/disgust when Jerome’s face gets punched off*

*trying not to laugh*  His face is back off!

His face...

*in unison, with fancy hand gesture*  Off!

*giggles*  Had to lighten the mood somehow.

HE [Jim] JUST PUNCHED A DUDE’S FACE OFF!

*laughs*  How often can you literally say that?

I KNOW!

“[Harvey] You wish I [Jim] would’ve shot him [Jerome]?”  “Eh, he’d probably just come back from the dead again.”  “Probably.”  *both stifle a laugh*

“At least you [Jim] get to say you punched a man’s face off.”  Exactly!

EEeeyyyyyyyy!

*grumbles and hits desk with hat*  But Jeremiah dies in the next season.

Jeremiah?

*keels over*  SON OF A-

*evil laugh*

There’s twins!  Shut up!

“Well, got to say the clown makeup was way more terrifying than the damage underneath, Master Bruce.”  Pfft.

“Did I [Alfred] ever tell you that I don’t like clowns?”  *bug eyes in horror*

*whispers*  You’re not gonna like Jeremiah then.

He’s less clownish than [Jerome]

True.

I love this orange lighting

“Shall I [Alfred] tell you [Bruce] what I thought?  I thought how proud I was of you.”  *puts hands to chest*

“Of the man you’ve become.”  *smiles*

“I almost killed him, Alfred.”  But you didn’t.

“But if you [Bruce] keep going, you’re gonna need rules.”  Vengeance blackens the soul, Master Bruce.  You walk the edge of that abyss every night, but you haven’t fallen over, and I thank heaven for that.

*softly*  This is that scene!

“I will not kill.”  *both raise our hands in anticipation*

SAY IT!

“Say it again.”  Say it, c’mon...

C’mon!

“I will not kill.”  *both clap hands toward screen*

YAAAASSSSS!!

My sweet badass bab!

*in dramatic Batman voice*  Sad Boy... is now... Vengeful Boy!

*laughs*

*about falls out of chair reeling back*  OH SNAP THE CLONE!

*bug eyes*

*throws hat at screen*

“I [Five] still don’t understand how I can help save Gotham.”  His voice is different!

Yeah.

That’s the doppleganger theme!

Oh shit, son!

OOOOO-OOOOHHHH!!

*Someone knocks on Jim’s door.”  Have a drink first.  No wait, you’re gonna need that.

*softly*  God damn, this freaking pier...

“Ed...I love you.”  *both so done*

“I... don’t... love you.”  *snaps fingers in agreement*

“You need me, Edward Nygma!”  No he doesn’t!

“When I [Oswald] met you [Ed], you were a nervous, jittery, loser!”  :[

“I created Edward Nygma!”  You’re full of shit

AN:  Oswald kinda has a point though.  Just sayin’...

You see him [Oswald] spitting up foam?!?

“You can’t do this...”  Yes he damn well can.

“Ed, are you listening to me?”  “...I’m listening...“  NO!  Don’t listen to him!

*both raise our eyebrows in shock when Ed shoots Oswald*

*laughs*  AND WE NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN!

Push him in!  Push him in!

*Ed pushes Oswald into the river*  YEEEEEEESSSS...

*sings*  IF YOU LOVE ME, LET ME GOOOO-OOOO-OOOOO!!

*slow jams to Penguin’s theme playing as Oswald sinks to the bottom*

Go to hell, Oswald.  I know he lives but let me have this.

*jams the crap out to the ending theme*