#and his opinion always has merit

[jaehaeryshater]

The King Come Over and his bride Ygritte Firekissed

art by : @shripscapi

Edited to add: I was hoping that people that did not like this ship could still appreciate the art as I gave them two separate pieces, but people have been coming into my inbox on all platforms, so let me encourage you to block the Jongritte and Ygritte tags on tumblr or twt, as well as me so you will not have to see it if this is you. I also would encourage you to create your own AU as it is very fun. My AU is based on Jon becoming King before leaving the Freefolk, so following his psychology as a character, Ygritte is his only choice as consort as long as she’s alive. You can make your own with Val if you want, but I do not owe anyone to pay for commissions of their preferred characters.

Look at my King dawg we’re definitely getting through the Wall!!!

For the last month and a half, I have been working closely with Liesl to design concepts for Jon as King Beyond the Wall and Ygritte as his Queen. Personally, I’m not invested at all in Jon becoming King of the Seven Kingdoms despite him being my favorite character. He’s not very connected with the South and I don’t feel that it’s his birth right or anything, even being the son of Rhaegar. I am significantly more interested in him becoming King in the North, but my interest in Freefolk culture has led me to be far more invested in the idea of him rejecting Southron society as a whole and becoming King Beyond the Wall (this isn’t necessarily mutually exclusive to being King in the North later on).

The motivation for Jon becoming King as opposed to Mance stems from a theory that has been around since AGOT has come out: that the Others will only treat with/negotiate with a Stark. In the prologue of AGOT, when the Others are speaking among themselves before killing the Watchmen, what if they were confirming with each other that Waymar Royce was not a Stark and that they could go ahead and kill him? All in all, it doesn’t really matter if this is true, but rather that this is a plausible rumor that could easily have been passed down among the Freefolk which could lead Mance to conclude that Jon as a leader would give the Freefolk the best chance of survival. It’s not very hard, at least in my opinion, to imagine an AU like this, since survival is the most important thing to the Freefolk during the events of ASOIAF. But is it plausible that under these circumstances that Jon would abandon his Night’s Watch vows? I think so if he can be led to believe that only Stark blood could defeat the Others, but that is not the only factor. Jon Snow is insecure about his bastard status, plain and simple. He’s always lived in the shadow of his Robb, though he loved him. He’s wanted Winterfell, though he didn’t want to nor had any intention to take it from Robb. But he’s known since he was a small boy that he could never Winterfell and that would never inherit anything because he was a bastard. Jon also has thoughts, at least in passing, that Ned loved Robb more than him. He perceives Ned as having been more proud of Robb, of looking at him differently than himself. He’s seemingly always believed this, but there is a sort of confirmation of Jon’s feelings when Ned allows him to join the Night’s Watch without much preparation on what the Watch is actually like. Fully me making assumptions here, not something Jon has explicitly thought, but it’s unlikely that Ned would have sent Bran off at 14 to the Watch without much warning of what it was like, had Bran not become paralyzed. While we never get this exact thought process from Jon, in my opinion it fits into his psychology and insecurity. All this to say, if Jon is offered to be a figurehead, King, a title equal to his brother, but without taking anything away from the Starks or from Robb, that would almost certainly scratch that itch in him. It would be of his own merit, and there would be people behind him that don’t care that he’s a bastard, don’t see him as less than, and are willing to accept him for who he is. Not to mention that it also lets him feel like a hero and as if he is saving something far more precious than himself. And it probably doesn’t hurt that he would be able to remain with Ygritte as well.

We know from the descriptions of Mance and Dalla, as well as from being told directly by the former, that the King and his wife dress like all the other Freefolk, in thick furs. While the Jon and Ygritte arts from above are not particularly ostentatious by Southron standards, they are in obvious contrast to how Mance and Dalla are dressed. My idea was that Jon, having lived South of the Wall in a Lord’s keep all of his life, brought his own ideas to the Freefolk and added a distinction between a King and all other men. Nothing like in King’s Landing, all changes are inspired by his experience at Winterfell. I tried to think of what was achievable by the Freefolk, that would be difficult enough that it can’t be easily replicated for everyone else, but also keeping in mind of what could be done relatively quickly seeing as the Freefolk are focused on migrating South and saving themselves from the Others. The cultures I took inspiration for the clothing from are the Byzantines, Russians, Incans, Aztecs, and Mongolians. I wanted more “open” and flowy clothing, as opposed to more closed off and excessively modest clothing of 1300-1500s Europe that most of Westeros is based off of. Ygritte is still wearing furs, but they are dyed and there is weirwood embroidery in symbolism of the Old Gods and flame embroidery to symbolize her being kissed by fire. Her jewelry are simply clay beads that have been powdered blue. I didn’t want to give her any jewels as I felt it would be too difficult for the Freefolk to cut them directly and just overall would be against the spirit of the Freefolk. However, getting the blue on the clay like that still would be expensive and take a lot of time. I tried to keep the main color scheme surrounding gray as obviously that’s House Stark’s color. Jon’s clothes are similarly nice, with my main concern being him looking intimidating. I want the furs around his shoulders to be black because I wanted to call back to his time in the Night’s Watch without him keeping his psychical cloak, because I’m sure the Freefolk would not want him to do that. The furs are massive and make his shoulders look far larger, in an effort to make him look more intimidating, especially on a battlefield or in negotiations. He also has weirwood embroidery and his sigil is on the front of his outfit (my original idea was for him to have a flag with his heraldry on it, in which case the sigil would have looked far different, with a full length direwolf). There’s a white wolf on one side and either a crow or eagle on the other side (up for interpretation, both are relevant to Jon and one is one of the animals that can be used a symbol of the Freefolk) and the flame in the middle to represent Ygritte, but also defeating the Others as fire is the way Jon originally tried combating them as a steward at the Wall. The sigil is more than about Jon, after all, as it’s for the entirety of House Whitewolf, the House he founds. I thought the name fit far more in to Freefolk culture than something like Whitestark or something along those lines. Ygritte was supposed to have sewn on the sigil herself, and was very adamant about it, and that is meant to be why the thread is uneven and more visible than it ought to be. She’s not very good at the craft!

As I indicated before, crowns are not something common to Freefolk. That would be something else Jon would implement. Ygritte’s crown is very much like a hat, very casual. The beads are nice but obtaining them wouldn’t be unheard of, and holly most likely would not be particularly hard to come by. The reason I gave her a crown with holly is that during Christmas in the Tudor period and even before during pagan celebrations, people would go out into the woods and find holly and ivy to decorate their houses with. Holly was a symbol of masculine energy and ivy feminine energy. If you found more holly, it was meant to indicate that the man would rule the household for the year, and if you found more ivy then the woman would rule the household in the coming year (this was a way to “tell the future” not a rule lol). I liked the holly better for Ygritte so I’m just saying the Freefolk had the opposite belief. Jon’s crown is made of weirwood, which was important to me as I feel like his connection the Old Gods is also important as it is something that him and Freefolk both use to guide them. It ties them together. That being said, a weirwood crown is often used for Bran so I did not want to use a design that was too similar to the one used for him. Bran’s weirwood crown usually is made of weirwood branches, however, and not weirwood bark or logs, so I feel like it’s different enough. The frozen weirwood sap, as far as I know, is also unique to this design. There’s also some ivy to parallel with Ygritte’s holly.

The remaining bits and bobs I wanted to explain are the blue rose and then the face paint. The blue rose is obviously something associated with Lyanna Stark, who is widely accepted to be the mother of Jon Snow. I originally wanted to give him a rose somewhere, whether he was holding it or it was in his embroidery, but I forgot to ask during sketching, and then it was too late. But Ygritte holding the blue rose isn’t just about Lyanna. It’s also about Bael the Bard, a most likely fictitious person (or at least, the tale is fictitious, though I personally choose to believe it’s real) that went South of the Wall posing as a bard. He impressed the Lord of Winterfell so much that he granted Bael anything he wished; all Bael asked for was the most beautiful flower in Winterfell. This was granted for him, but the next morning he had stolen the Lord of Winterfell’s only child, a girl, and had left the flower in her bed in her place. He hid in the crypt with her for a year and they had a son together. Bael eventually went back North of the Wall and eventually Winterfell, having no other heir, passed to Bael’s child. Under this story, Jon is descended from Ygritte’s idol (maybe idol is stretching it, but she really likes him), Bael the Bard. Not only him, but all the Freefolk including Ygritte, according to her story. Following the story’s premise, Jon also poses as Bael and Ygritte as Winterfell’s daughter, with Jon joining her home under false pretenses and ��stealing her”, as she calls it. So the blue rose has significance regarding both the Starks and the Freefolk. The face paint is inspired by tattooing done by cultures indigenous to North America. Indigenous Americans are not the only groups to use facial tattooing, the Vikings were famous for it as well, but Viking facial tattooing had more patterns based on shapes rather than lines and dots. I didn’t like the shapes so much, but the chin tattoo was one was that observed in all sorts of different cultures. Usually the chin tattoos with the line were on women in indigenous America, but I found some on men in other outside cultures. The dots I didn’t see outside of Native American culture and the claw marks on Jon’s cheeks I found mainly among Vikings. Because these all are an amalgamation of different cultures, we did them as face paint instead of tattoos because it seemed disrespectful otherwise. Not enough research went into it to be a proper representation of any one culture so paint was a better bet than a permanent body modification that is sacred to a number of cultures. The only thing that was meant to be a tattoo was the chin tattoo, which like I said, actually is from an amalgamation of cultures. Among the Freefolk (in this AU), dots on the cheeks are widespread, one of cultural mainstays of their people, and are generally a sign of peace, whereas the claws are meant to look intimidating and is applied to look like blood (Ygritte applies it for Jon) and is specifically used for military leaders. I really wanted to drive home the point that the goal with Jon’s whole look is to look fearsome.

I have so much more to say about Jon as King Beyond the Wall, how he negotiates with the Wall, the different rules he sets in place, how he sets up being King as a hereditary title once his daughter Bael is born, etc etc, but then I’d be here all day and approximately one person total read through all this. Oops! Ask in my inbox if you have any questions because I would love love love to answer them. All in all, shripscapi (Liesl) is so talented and she worked incredibly hard for me. She was extremely accommodating and changed as much stuff as I wanted. She never complained about the million times I decided something was not quite right and she sent me so many updates. I would recommend working with her to just about anybody. It was very cool what she was able to achieve and I got it in time for the holidays so I can enjoy my winter themed pfp on twt. So thank you from the bottom of my heart Liesl, and I hope everyone showers her with compliments because she deserves it. I also hope that people that don’t enjoy Ygritte very much can still appreciate the art and the concept of Jon as King Beyond the Wall. Hopefully I’ve gotten across how much I love and care for these characters to a chronically online degree and nobody accuses me of mischaracterizing them because that would make me!!!! very sad!!!

Bonus Jon with weirwood leaves:

[ahqkas]

Mattheo with a stubborn gf!reader who hates to be proven wrong. Like she argues with people but when it comes to her bf, she doesn’t have the argue with him and it makes people stumped

-🧚🏾‍♀️💗

HARRY POTTER MASTERLIST!

© ahqkas — all rights reserved. even when credited, these works are prohibited to be reposted, translated or modified

YOU WERE KNOWN FOR YOUR FIERY SPIRIT AND STUBBORN NATURE, NEVER BACKING DOWN FROM AN ARGUMENT AND ALWAYS STANDING YOUR GROUND. it was something people admired about you, even if it occasionally led to heated debates. your fierce determination and unwavering confidence made you a force to be reckoned with at hogwarts.

but when it came to mattheo riddle, things were different. the short tempered slytherin had a way of disarming you that no one else could manage. it was a fact that left your friends and classmates confused and intrigued. how could the girl who never conceded to anyone so effortlessly relent when it came to her boyfriend?

it happened one afternoon in the slytherin common room. you were engaged in a spirited debate with lorenzo berkshire about the merits of a particular quidditch strategy. voices were raised, and hands gestured wildly as you both tried to make your points. the other slytherins watched with a mix of amusement and anticipation, waiting to see who would come out on top.

"you don't understand, enzo," you insisted, your eyes flashing with determination as you tried to prove your point. "the wronski feint is only effective if the seeker knows exactly when to pull up. otherwise, it's a complete disaster."

enzo shook his head, equally adamant. "but that's precisely why it's such a high-risk, high-reward maneuver. it’s about pushing the limits and taking chances."

just then, mattheo walked in, his presence immediately pulling attention towards him. the boy sauntered over, a curious smile playing on his lips as he observed the heated exchange. he leaned against the back of the sofa, watching the two of you with interest.

"and what does mattheo think?" blaise asked, nudging his friend with a knowing grin. "surely, he has an opinion."

mattheo glanced at you, his gaze steady and confident. "i think," he began slowly, "that both strategies have their merits. but it ultimately comes down to the skill and instincts of the seeker."

you opened your mouth to retort, but something in mattheo's calm demeanor made you pause. there was a quiet authority in his voice that made you reconsider your stance. with a sigh, the fight left your eyes as you relented from the argument. "fine," you muttered, crossing your arms. "maybe you're right."

the common room fell silent, and all eyes turned to you in shock. enzo blinked, clearly taken aback by your sudden concession while the win of this argument fled from his mind completely. "did she just . . . agree?" he asked incredulously.

mattheo's smile widened, and he wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you close to him. "it’s all about perspective," he said lightly, pressing a soft kiss to your temple. you leaned into him, feeling a warmth spread through you. despite your stubborn nature, mattheo had a way of making you see things differently. his calm confidence and unwavering support made you feel safe enough to admit when you were wrong, something you rarely did with anyone else.

later, as you walked through the castle corridors with your boyfriend by your side, you couldn't help but reflect on how much he had changed you. he had taught you that it was okay to let your guard down and that being proven wrong wasn't a sign of weakness. it was a lesson that had made you stronger, and it was all because of him.

"you know," you said, glancing up at him with a smile, "i still think i’m right most of the time."

mattheo smirked at that, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "of course you do," he replied, his fingers intertwining with yours. "my clever girl."

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

A fun question your opinion: In each arc, what do you think is the theme of each arc? ( It can be a motif, messages, subject)

These are a mix of jokes and serious thoughts ^^ just to avoid the post from being too heavy overall!

The Rose-Red Tyrant:

Breaking free from perpetuating a cycle of abuse

You are your own person, not a puppet controlled by your parent/guardian

At the same time, you have to take accountability for your own actions (your background can explain your poor behavior toward others but it does not excuse that behavior)

Control that is too constrictive will only push away potential connections and experiences, keeping you isolated and complacent

Anger management classes are good for you, guys

The Usurper from the Wilds:

Let’s play fairly and be good sports!

Judging people for their merits rather than by titles or birth

What makes someone worthy to lead is noble behavior and attiude

Standing up for what’s morally right, even if everyone else seems to be against you

You have value, worth, and hope in spite of what others may tell you and put you down for

It’s totally okay to get revenge on the asshole that tripped you that one time/j

It’s technically not a crime if you don’t get caught (except Leona did, in fact, get caught)

The Merchant from the Depths:

Don’t be ashamed of your past self—embrace it, accept it, and use it as a point of reference for self growth

Be the bigger person rather than becoming a bully yourself

Let your accomplishments speak for themselves

There is no “easy way out” or shortcut; be prepared to face the consequences of your actions

Not everything is as it may seem (think about the “trick” with Azul’s contracts)

… Read the terms and conditions very carefully and think things over before you sign a contract 💀

Schemer of the Scalding Sands:

Wow, this baby can fit so much generational trauma!!

Sometimes you just miss each other’s messages or greatly misinterpret the other’s intentions (Kalim giving Jamil the benefit of the doubt, Jamil obviously being the Bad Guy and everyone else has to point that out to Kalim)

There’s a very complicated relationship between those in power and those without power; this can breed hatred for those at the top

Talent and skill left unacknowledged can fester into resentment

Institutions of higher education can and will accept monetary bribes, what are you gonna do about it?

Not everyone wants to reconcile and make friends; this is okay and should be more normalized

A Beautiful Tyrant:

You can try your best and work hard, but life doesn’t owe you anything (depressing thought, but unfortunately true)

Beauty is not limited to just one’s looks; beauty can also extend to one’s character and actions

Your worth shouldn’t come from external forces; if you are satisfied with yourself, you will always be “beautiful” no matter how you look or what losses you may experience

Public opinion and the entertainment industry are brutal af

Screw gender norms 😤

The Watchman of the Underworld:

The grieving process in general

Moving on from the past instead of fixating on it and letting the past consume your present and hold you back from a future

Learning to forgive yourself

Reaching out and making new support systems/opening up to others to help you cope

Bearing the sins of your ancestors (Shroud family curse)

The Lord of Malevolence:

Change is inevitable, all good things must come to an end; we must learn to accept them and bravely move toward the future

Love endures, transcending race (Sebek), blood (Silver), and time (Lilia)

Self-sacrificial love (Maleanor for Malleus, Lilia for the other Diasomnia boys, Dawn Knight for his own family, etc.)

Is it “true” happiness if it is a fake reality, a convenient dream?

We hate and fear what we do not understand, even though we have the capacity to

You cannot live forever in a happy fantasy world where none of your loved ones/favorite characters leave you, your trauma doesn’t exist, and everything conveniently pans out how you want it to; sooner or later, you must “wake up” and face reality (this point is particularly meta; it applies both in-game and in the real world, speaking to us players and our relationship with the escapist fictional content we consume)

Prologue: Welcome to the Villains’ World and Overall Main Story:

The power of friendship :))

Revisionist history (cuz… y’know… Great Seven and all)

We’re stronger together than alone

It’s okay to rely on others

We may be very different people from very different backgrounds, but it is still possible for us to understand one another

[spellbinding10]

Okay… so Umbrella Academy season 4…SPOILERS!!!!

I know that maaaannnyyy people were not happy with Lila and Five, but I’m not gonna lie, in a way they were meant to be.

Now there’s the supposed “age gap” but we have to remember that, although he’s physically 19/20, Five is older than Lila. Yes she “watched him grow” from a mid teen but Five was so many years his own senior. And he was a legal age He was mentally 68 and has lived 2 maybe 3 lifetimes already. And for the most part he lived them alone.

I think that we all need to remember that five was alone for so long. He went back to his family, wounded, isolated and with foreknowledge that no one could comprehend. Lila is the only one that truly understands what it feels like to feel out of place in Time. They were raised by the same morals and merits. They understood what no one else could. They both have been through unimaginable pain and suffering. And I think they had the ability to heal one another, in fact they did. Five saw Lila for who she truly was, he cherished her and appreciated all of her. Her chaos, her madness, compassion, courage and mind.

Now I had the start of Lila and Five returning to her family scene paused for sooo long. I couldn’t bear watching it. Did I? Yeah, love me a bit of angst. I really didn’t like how hurt Diego was, truly, but Five knew what Lila and he had was real and I can understand his anger. Do I condone cheating, absolutely not. I’ve been cheated on. But I’m also one for “the right person”, so in a FICTIONAL world I understand. I can also understand why Lila needed to end it ,for the sake of her children, because that’s what true love is, the love of your children. But he was there when she had to let her family go. He stood by her side and comforted her even though she had broke his heart. And thank BrOKe me!

There also seems to be a lot of posts about the REAL Five Hargreeves. Guys that is character development. Is it positive. Eh, ish. But not all people grow in the same way. Yes Five would do anything for his family. But I don’t think he “gave up”. Five has always been logical, from the very start. His sole purpose in life was to get back to his family and save the world. Save the people of that world, their lives, the very essence of life. And he did that. He didn’t give up. Five found out that his family was the cause of it all. He didn’t sacrifice them to be selfish. He couldn’t stand to watch his family die over and over. They would never rest, never know peace and they would spend the rest of their lives knowing that each apocalypse was their fault. It took courage to tell them. They could have kept going on. Klaus, would have kept using. Luther would still be in anguish over Solan (also where the fuck was she in all this? - anyway, no, another time) Allison would have kept loosing Claire. And every one of them would have kept loosing something in that particular time line that they cared about. I dunno man. I think Five is the same as he always was. He lived alone in the apocalypse surrounded by the destruction of life. He ensured it wouldn’t happen ever again. He did his job. He saved his family. The world.

So yeah, you’re all entitled to your opinion and you have your reasons for it. This is mine. I liked Five and Lila. The ending was, peace and love to the writers, bullshit - though bittersweet I suppose, but bullshit.

[byeuijoo]

am i in love? 𐀔 boynextdoor

genre : fluff ⋆ warnings : very, very cheesy ⋆ word count : 594

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ୨ ✩ ୧

⭒ park sungho

when he realized he loved you as more than just a friend, sungho tried to play it cool. which is funny because, in reality, you soon realized that something had changed : he was trying more to flirt with you and get your attention, while selling his merits by making you understand that he was better than the others. he'd show you a bit more of his muscles, show you his soccer skills.. and even though he tried to be discreet about his feelings, he failed miserably when you asked him directly if he had a crush on you.

⭒ lee riwoo

when he realizes he's fallen in love with you, sanghyeok tends to be more distant with you, but simply out of sheer shyness. but he'll still do his best to get your attention in subtle ways : he delivers flowers at your house with a little card and a hand-written poem, he tries to send you signals on social networks, hoping that miraculously you'll understand that he's talking to you.. he's a discreet admirer whom you've noticed and whom you like to panic by getting a little too close to him, just to see his cheeks redden because of your smile.

⭒ myung jaehyun

he was already clingy, but when he realizes he's developed feelings for you, oh boi, jaehyun is even more clingy. nevertheless, there are some changes that you can easily notice : the tips of his ears get redder when you flirt with him, he's always trying to hold your hand in his, even when you're doing nothing but sitting close to each other, he always tries to get your attention and gets sulky when you talk to other boys.. he's so down for you, he can't help reminding you that he exists all the time.

⭒ han taesan

to have spent so much time by your side, getting to know you and finding out more about you, dongmin realized that his heart was beating faster than normal when his eyes met your smile. he'll become more shy, without giving you radio silence. but let's just say that he laughs more easily at your jokes, that he observes you smiling like an idiot more often, and most of all, he'll share more of his favorite music with you. (he's probably trying to convey his feelings through the lyrics, but you're too blind to see it.)

⭒ kim leehan

to say that donghyun has had a crush on you since first sight would not be a lie — of course, his feelings built up gradually, but you were already running through his mind every day since you met. he's quite calm, and has no trouble keeping his feelings to himself, but he tends to look you in the eye in a different way now. more warmly, more tenderly, with a hint of shyness in his eyes. and he has to admit that your smile makes his heart skip a beat.

⭒ kim woonhak

woonhak is totally vocal about the fact that he loves you. he don't care about other people opinions, he just wants to make sure you know he likes you. so every day, he brings you a carton of his favorite chocolate milk, leaving a note on it, reminding you that he likes you — again. or he'll probably just show up when you least expect it, standing in front of you with the most dazzling smile, and you have to admit that hearing him say those words in person makes you all shy and smiley. even if you need time to make a decision, woonhak remains patient and does everything to keep your full attention on him.

⠀

reblogs & feedbacks are highly appreciated !

taglist ౨ৎ @wtfhyuck @florainnie @dazzlingligth @yuma-is-mine @lilriswife4life @leehanascent @wantmatthew

[vivinens]

a lover's game !

characters: neuvillette, wriothesley & navia.

summary: little things they notice about you.

warning, minor fontaine story spoilers. gender neutral reader. here's a few short drabbles, hello tumblr!

Neuvillette, while famously intrigued by human behavior, often finds himself completely fascinated with you in particular.

For all his objective understanding of worldly matters, he is still confused as to why he specifically craves your attention. It's utterly strange, really, how his eyes seem to trail after your movements and expressions with more care than he would show to others.

You smile differently, when speaking to him. He's picked up on this after numerous conversations involving you two and a third party. When speaking to Monsieur Neuvillette (he often wonders about the soft way you say his name), your tone is easy and your smile is—for lack of a more appropriate word—entrancing. But, the moment your attention turns to the third party, that smile is dimmed.

At first, he simply chalks it up to you wanting to get in his good graces. After all, he's had no shortage of humans attempting to get close to him in order to satisfy their own desires. However, even with his lackluster social skills, he can see how your behavior is different from the people trying to appeal to them for their own merit. Your flustered sentences and bright eyes were not the same as others using flattery to gain status among the court staff.

...Perhaps he should ask Navia about it. Not for the first time, he curses his own lack of social understanding.

Wriothesley is not usually the kind of man who finds himself hung up on trivial details. He spends too much time working and worrying as it is; so why should he make life more complicated for himself?

There were some things he can't help but notice when it comes to you, though. It's midday when he overhears you mumbling to yourself about a new treat from Café Lucerne you'd like to try—as well as something about you having already spent all your "fun mora" for the week. You had sighed to yourself at your own respective desk all afternoon, and the sheer longing he could sense made his eye twitch.

You arrived to your work desk the next morning to see a wrapped gift box atop it. You had gasped when you opened it to reveal the outrageously expensive cake you had been craving all week. Wriothesley couldn't stay to further see your reaction, as to not raise suspicion, but he was content nonetheless.

It was when he arrived at work the next day that he realized—after seeing a steaming hot cup of coffee set on his desk beside a signed thank you note—that you're more observant than you let on. After all, he had taken great care in not letting it be known he was the one who gifted you the cake.

He takes a sip of the coffee. It was the way he likes it. Yes, you were very observant, indeed.

Navia has always had a soft spot for her underlings. She remembers their birthdays, their favorite songs, and those who they would prefer to work alongside. She claims it's her duty as their boss to know such things—although, in the opinion of many, she often goes above and beyond.

However, if you were to ask any of Navia's other subordinates, they would probably say she tries to understand you best of all. You have known one another for a long time, and this friendship was something she held very dearly—especially after the passing of her father. You were a beacon of light in those times, when the world seemed against her and her father's memory.

In some ways, she wondered if she was... taking advantage. You worked hard to support her and Spina di Rosula, and earned hardly nothing in return. Pay was rocky and sometimes even scarce. What if your talents could be better used elsewhere? What if you truly did want to leave? What if—

"You're overthinking again, Navia," you sigh, and before she can even think to respond, your hand is reaching to feel her forehead. You're sat beside one another on a bench, taking a small reprieve after a day spent out and about Vasari Passage. "Hm, I'm surprised you don't have a fever. You've been acting strange all day," you say, tilting your head. "You would tell me if something was wrong, wouldn't you?"

The genuine worry in your voice makes Navia's heart flutter. "No, no, nothing at all!" She exclaims with more confidence than she feels. She seems to be doing that a lot lately. "But... thank you, for worrying about me. You shouldn't have to."

You frown. "I care for you—perhaps more than you understand, Navia. You don't have to speak about it now, but if something is troubling you, I will always lend you an ear."

Sometimes, Navia finds you truly are too understanding of her emotions. Instead of responding, she nods wordlessly, lest the things she wants to say so desperately clog her throat, and reaches to rest her hand against yours. You don't pull away, and the loud hammering of Navia's heart continues in her chest. It does not stop for a long while.

[dtrghost]

nibbles and kisses

this wasn't a request but this was inspired by something... i will simply not tell you what because shhhhh. In my opinion, König is a colonel, his ego is probably bigger than his dick and I don't see him as being as shy as i've seen, definitely has his aspects, but ya know.

könig x f!reader

no use of y/n.

warnings: fluff, fluff, fluff, and more fluff with some NSFW so MINORS DNI and reader having self deprecating thoughts, possessive colonel, wants you and ONLY, you. there is no plot to this, called headcannons maybe? i just wanted to write this down. mentions of male masturbation, nudes of you, etc.

When König found you, when you finished your conversation that pushed just a bit too long and made him a few minutes late for his brief, he knew he had to keep you. When he witnessed your smile that brightened up his world and caused a warmth to rise up his neck to his cheeks hidden under the safety of his long mask, he knew, as you were the only one to peek through his proud manner. You were flawless to him, pushing aside all of your reasons why he should hate you, why you thought of yourself as undeserving of him, and showing you what his loved looked like.

When he touched you for the first time, feeling the softness of your skin grace along the rough pads of his fingers, god. His usual cocky demeanor cracked, staring at you with wide eyes as he relished the tingles that shot through his body faster than a bullet. From then on, that man was desperate. He craved your touch in any way, anywhere, any time.

Whenever you were in public, he was towering over you as his chest bumped into your back, his hands running up the smooth skin of your arms. hHe'd hold your hand while you walked even though he wasn't one for pda. On base he had a picture of you in his office, smiling a rare, delicate smile he snapped a photo of once that he immediately had framed, a beautiful gold that complimented you in your entirety. After all you deserved the best, even if you weren't there to see it. In spirit, in his mind, you were beyond worthy of it. Your merit was more than gold, more than anything.

The real winner was the locked drawer, a special key that he kept on him at all times to open it, revealing the drawer he dedicated to you when he was gone on missions. He'd always take something with him, a pair of your panties, a shirt that he sprayed every inch of in your perfume, a bottle of your perfume to respray it before he left and when he got back before he hid it again, and his favorite item. He took his time with this one, an album full of your nude photos, some of you fucked out and in a daze as you took his fat cock in you, stretching you to the brim as your eyes rolled to the back of your head in euphoria.

He'd whimper, he the colonel, whimpering for you. Your name breathed out of his mouth as he fucked into his fist, missing the warm tug of your pretty cunt that swallowed him greedily whenever he fucked you. But you did something to him, the thought of you made his skin tingle, his cheeks heat, shivers of pleasure, need, love and want to run up his spine at the very thought of you in his presence.

So when he got home? Shit. Buckle up. If it's the day, which is rare in his line of work, he'll call you beforehand.

"Get ready Meine Liebe, your colonel needs you."

He'd come home to see you in his favorite set of lingerie, leaning on the bed, ready for him to take you in however he needed.

But when it was at night, which was more often than its counterpart, he'd shower first, lock all the doors, close the curtains, it was a prep almost. Then he'd come back to your sweet small form, which is any form because he's 6'10 and 200+ pounds, and he'd coaxed you awake with soft kisses on your skin, starting from your shoulder and building up to your eyelids, feeling your lashes tickle his lips as your eyes fluttered open. He'd eat you out, getting off to the sound of your sweet moans.

He'd watch your head fall back in ecstasy as he curled his long, thick fingers in your sopping cunt, bringing you to more orgasms than you could count before he desperately needed to feel you clamp around his cock. Depending on how long he'd been gone, he likes certain positions over others. When he was gone for a long time, weeks, he would always favor missionary. He loved watching you cry for him, tears running down your pretty cheeks as he fucked into you, moaning as he watched you stretch to accommodate his length.

"Fuck, taking me like you were made for me. So ein gutes mädchen."

While yes, König loved making love to you, slowly, passionately, intimately, he was a man with needs. Whether it was day or not, he would fuck you, manhandle you, in any way he wanted.

"So needy for me Maus. Such a good girl for your colonel."

"You missed me mein leibling? you missed my fat cock stretching your pretty little pussy out? i know i did."

He would breed you, the mating press, all of it. He'd cum more than once too, until it hurt, because you just felt too good around him, the tightness of your hole constricting around him being enough to keep him going for what felt like forever.

But when he was done, oh the aftercare. He'd pepper kisses all over you, shower you, feed you and make sure you drink enough water, all while whispering sweet nothings to you, how pretty you are, how perfect you are. Then he'd take you to bed, laying on top of you, knowing that if anything were to happen god forbid, he would protect you, his frame completely covering yours. He coax you to sleep with soft kisses on your neck, your cheeks, your chin and your jaw, nibbling on your lobe with sweet words that carried you into a dream on cloud nine.

He loved you, he owned you, just as you owned him.

So ein gutes mädchen: such a good girl.

SO yeah. Colonel König 🫡. Gotta love him. Anyway hope you enjoyed! Thank you for reading!!

[yuri-is-online]

Daytime TV Dreaming (A Fyuuture Kid AU Drabble ft. Heartsabyul, Savanaclaw, and Octavinelle)

While camping in the mountains during Camp Vargas, you encounter a monster exactly like the one you fought off with Ace and Deuce at the beginning of the year. While trying to fight it off again, a strange portal opens up in the mine and a person jumps out of it to your rescue. He says he doesn't remember much, but it's clear when you bring him to Crowley that this boy is also from your world, despite being a mage, and until the headmage can think of a better solution, he assigns "Yutu" to your dorm.

Something a certain someone has an opinion about.

notes: When I was re-working my masterlist I deleted a fic that I meant to be the start of a series where Yuu’s child travels back in time to try and prevent the destruction of Twisted Wonderland and their parent's untimely death. For some reason I wrote that child as having been born after Yuu was forced to leave Twisted Wonderland with modified memories, so he doesn't actually know that much about his dad until he gets iseakaid just like Yuu did to attend Night Raven in a much more dystopian setting. Anyway if I ever go back to that concept I'll probably re work it, but I thought it would be fun to share my notes about the guys reaction to this newcomer who gets sorted into Ramshackle Dorm. They/them used for Yuu as always but they are implied to be afab, "Yutu" is not meant to be the child's real name, and he is meant to be wearing a disguise to make his identity less obvious. Actual fic can be found on my masterlist.

Heartsabyul

Ace- is legitimately worried about the intentions of this weird newcomer but it comes off as him being a jealous brat so no one takes him seriously. Look, something just doesn't feel right about this! Your world doesn't have any mages but now one shows up? And he's weirdly familiar with you? Cmon someone other than him start asking some questions please! Tries to have "a talk" with Yutu, who is trying really hard to understand what his parent saw in his dad and... just not getting it at all. RiP Ace you have been assigned cringe before the kid has even been born.

Deuce- only concerned with making a good impression because if this person is from Yuu's world then they might value his opinion on.... things. Also an honor student would try to win over his crush on his own merit and not by intimidating potential competition. Actually ends up befriending Yutu and really liking his vibes, which gives the boy a lot of guilt because he knows his dad would probably feel very guilty if he knew what his son's life has been like.

Trey- he is slightly worried about how Yuu will handle having to take care of an actual person and not just a monster, but he also feels like it is none of his business so he doesn't pay too much attention. But then Yuu mentions that Yutu is a pretty talented baker and that's why they haven't been bugging him for sweets as much. Well isn't that just ADORABLE??? Trey isn't upset about this at all nope, not one bit. He's extremely upset and Yutu is stirring the pot because he thinks making his dad angry is funny.

Cater- oh look, another person who won't be a part of his life eventually. He doesn't get any weird vibes from Yutu so he doesn't worry about what his appearance might mean too much, but there is something about the way the newbie insists on trying to be his friend that reminds him a lot of Yuu and isn't helping with this whole "denial of the crush" thing he is trying to do. If he didn't know any better he would think Yutu was doing it on purpose.

Riddle- immediately starts butting into Yuu's life more to give them advice about being a proper housewarden. Not that he didn't already see them as one, it's just disciplining a human student and disciplining Grim are a bit different and no he is not using this as an excuse to spy on the Prefect how dare this brat suggest his intentions are impure?!?! (Ah but you see Riddle you can't just take Yutu's head off in front of their Prefect because you want them to liiiike you and he is so going to use that against you.)

Savanaclaw

Leona- understands that something is not quite right as Yutu's explanation of who he is doesn't quite pass the sniff test. Literally, the brat smells like Yuu with his magic and since Leona was one of the people who got a good look at the portal Yutu came through he pieces things together pretty quickly. Not that he immediately goes and pulls a Vader on the kid, he just makes it clear he knows there is some time travel involved and demands to know what his goals are. He can leave the family shit for after he's secured the kid's existence.

Ruggie and Jack- while they have different opinions on the new kid, Leona's sense of smell still tells him Yutu's identity and as their dormleader he feels the need to take them aside and mention what he knows... sort of. He tells them that he's pretty sure time travel is involved and that Yutu is related to Yuu, but he neglects to mention the whole bit about who he thinks the father is... which drives them insane in completely different ways.

Ruggie thinks that since you clearly have a thing for beastmen anyway he would be stupid not to shoot his shot. He doesn't give two shits about whether or not Yutu is his kid, time isn't real so he can just rewrite it a bit.

Jack is determined to treat Yutu fairly and protect him since you are his friend and that's what friends do for each other's kids. Has a full blown panic over whether or not this might give the kid an identity crisis and takes him aside to reassure him he doesn't want to replace his real father, and that he will be happy as long as Yuu is happy. que the world's most awkward conversation

Octavinelle

Azul- Oh? Ramshackle has a new dorm member? And he's a mysterious mage... allegedly from the same world as Yuu... something doesn't make sense here but while he is figuring that out. Capitalism ho! This is a great money making opportunity he is observing and scheming and thinking about the perfect contract to get Yutu to spill all his secrets. Unfortunately, Yutu seems to be afraid of him for some reason? Not Floyd or Jade, just him. He can't say he dislikes it... but it is a bit odd, at least it gives him something to talk about with you???

Floyd- Also saw the portal that Yutu came through and thinks something must be up with how close the guppy seems to want to be with Yuu. Starts calling him baby shrimpy as a joke because of how clingy he is to you, but he really really hates it. He can't fight baby shrimpy because that will make you not like him, and he can't scare baby shrimpy off with a deal because he's weirdly smart with those sort of things. He also seems to really look up to Floyd... like that one spiderverse meme, and Floyd hates it! he already had a hard enough time getting Yuu alone when Grim was around he doesn't need a second baby unless it's actually his >:CCC

Jade- a new mage? How delightfully unpredictable. He's probably the only one genuinely happy Yutu is around because of how funny the story of his arrival is. The only upsetting thing about this is that he wasn't able to go camping with Yuu himself. Like Azul he senses something is wrong with Yutu's story, but he doesn't intend to press him until he has the new kid's trust. He's just here to help after all, there's nothing to be afraid of so long as there is no need for him to be jealous.

[rubikswriter]

Heavy is the crown - a Caitlyn Kiramman character analysis.

(Tumblr really messed the formatting up on this, and it’s like 15k so there’s no way I’m editing it again - check my Twitter RubiksGaming12 to read it in it’s correctly formatted form)

I’ll preface this by saying that I have no prior knowledge of LoL lore, but I’m a big fan of angsty, nuanced characters, and that’s why I want to talk about Caitlyn Kiramman.

I’m sure this has all been talked to death in the fandom, but from my brief time in it, I can see a lot of varying - although mostly negative - views on Caitlyn. Especially in season 2. Caitlyn, however, is a character who has swiftly made her way onto my favourites list and I feel the overwhelming need to wax poetically about her. 

I love a character that’s been consumed by darkness in some way and attempts to find their way back; from Darth Vader, to Xena, to Villanelle. I love all the shades of grey these characters bring; that not every act of good is seen in absolute glowing white and every negative in pure darkness. To me this teetering on the line in between is what makes for such rich characters to experience, explore, and devour.

I’ll start by saying that one of my favourite things about Arcane is how it doesn’t hold your hand the entire time. It’s not always direct, slammed in your face, explanation. It asks you to pay attention; to look, and listen, and think. It wants you to make the connections, to see the use of lighting, of revisiting environments, of the connection to the music/score. It wants you to question. 

Would we all have liked more episodes? Hell yes. However, I think the show does a wonderful job with Cait’s character arc within time/ep restraints it had. 

With that said, if you hold negative views on Caitlyn, my thoughts on this definitely won’t interest you in the slightest. You’ll keep your opinion, and I’ll keep mine. Art is subjective after all. But if you want to share thoughts and opinions and discuss openly, then please do. I love hearing and delving into all theories.

So with that said, let’s break my thoughts down —

Caitlyn is a Kiramman; a member of an influential house in Piltover. Her family's reputation precedes them, especially with her mother on the council. I think it’s safe to say that with such a privileged upbringing, when we meet Caitlyn in Season 1, it’s obvious that she has been sheltered from the depth and reality of the systemic divide between Piltover and Zaun, and just how oppressed the Zaunites really are. 

But there’s more to Caitlyn than her just being another mere, blindly accepting member of the Piltover elite. In fact the show hints that it's a direct result of her elite heritage, that Caitlyn grows into such an ambitious, confident, woman who has an unwavering, determined, drive to prove herself on her own merits rather than just on the coattails of her family name.

We see her kindness shown in her friendship with Jayce, a man older than her and sponsored by her parents, a person considered below her on the social ladder, and yet he’s her one true friend. She’s interested in his ideas, has concern and fondness for him. It presents Caitlyn as someone who goes against the grain of what’s expected of her, her curiosity of wanting to know and understand more than just the high society she’s part of is evident. It’s something that we see that sets her apart from the majority of her peers who are content with their lives and have no desire to question it.

I believe it’s her ambitious drive and her natural, kind curiosity that sets up the basis for her arc in Season 1. 

We see her commitment to her marksmanship in the flashback, she’s damn good at the skill she’s worked hard to hone, and yet we see Cait questioning her own merit when Grayson appears to let her win. Her first thought is ‘did my parents pay you to let me win?’ which is such a sombre reality. Has this happened before? It appears that even from a young age the weight of the name Kiramman is something that’s been weighing Cait down. A burden of expectation and equally a privileged advantage, even when it’s perhaps not deserved or wanted.

When Grayson says she let Cait win not because her parents paid her, but because she thought Cait deserved it, it validates Caitlyn in a way not many people do. Especially when Grayson is more skilled and less privileged than her. She tells Caitlyn that she doesn’t need to win, that protecting the people is the reward in itself. I think this interaction further unlocks and propels Caitlyn’s desire to earn respect rather than have it given to her because of her name.

So when Grayson asks her ‘what are you shooting for?’ I think Caitlyn is finally able to give herself the luxury and agency to decide to want more for herself than what is simply expected, and to go after that, no matter what people think. Her parents included.

That scene with Grayson, I felt, was vital in seeing, at least partly, why Caitlyn becomes an enforcer. It gives her a sense of purpose outside of the family ties. Something that’s just hers. Something she can achieve and be proud of, and something she can outwardly present amongst the community she lives in. She holds firm in her resolve and assurance that she’s made the right choice for herself even when her mother tries to keep her safe by limiting her work, and when her peers snigger mockingly at her that she should be at the cocktail party rather than guarding it.

After Jinx’s attack and her removal from the enforcers at her mother’s request, we see Caitlyn become even more solidified in her self belief. While she may be a little idealistic and naive to the wider workings of the world, Caitlyn proves she’s an intelligent, kind, empathetic person, and has a fire in her for seeking justice and protecting people. She genuinely seems to want to make a difference, and I think that’s why she fixates on the investigation of corruption in Piltover and how deeply connected that is to Zaun and its underworld. It’s another chance to prove herself to those that don’t truly see her as more than the Kiramman name.

This is obviously driven further when she meets Vi and has her released to help facilitate her investigation. Having Vi be her guide through the Undercity allows Cait to have her eyes opened to a different perspective than her own, and challenges Topside’s preconceptions about bottom. It’s seeing through Vi’s eyes that enlightens Cait to Zaun’s true struggles and drives her desire to want to help and advocate for Zaun further. While realising at the same time that the Piltover Caitlyn thinks she knows is equally corrupt in parts (Marcus’ betrayal highlighting this). 

It’s through Vi’s eyes, through her struggles, through their developing trust and connection that we the viewer can recognise that Caitlyn is meant to represent the moral compass of the show in S1 — She’s the one that gets us, the audience, to also question what Cait thinks she knows, versus the reality of what she’s now learnt (Silco, shimmer, Marcus, Jinx, Ekko and the firelights); that there is no good and bad, only shades of grey between the twin cities.

In understanding Caitlyn as the character we get introduced to in season 1, I think it’s really important to understand that it’s Caitlyn’s privilege that gives her the knowledge and position to try to drive a change forward. But it’s her character outside of her privilege; her kindness, her empathy, her risk taking and her willingness to challenge rules and ideals that makes her the right choice to help. Vi and Ekko aren’t trusting just any Piltie to help them, they’re trusting Caitlyn because of all that she exudes and stands for. It's unknown to Vi and Ekko at that time that Caitlyn is a Kiramman, or the weight that name holds. Caitlyn never divulges that about herself, instead she mentions Jayce, her friends being on the council. But we the audience know that it’s her family name that gives Caitlyn immediate access to her mother and the council where others - like Vi, Ekko, and the other Zaunites - would not have such a chance. 

We see, through her relationship with Vi, that Caitlyn doesn’t use her privilege to overshadow Vi and the Zaunties' struggles. She moves the pieces into place because she has the entitlement to do so. She lets Violet be the mouthpiece for herself and the Undercity’s struggles when addressing the council, showing that she sees Vi and the Zaunites as equals.

When Caitlyn’s mother is introduced to us, we understand that she’s not a big fan of Caitlyn essentially lowering the family name by becoming an enforcer, and that she purposely interfered in Caitlyn’s work to protect her; moving her to stand guard at her tent, and having Cait dismissed from the enforcers after the initial Jinx attack. However, Cassandra Kiramman clearly loves her daughter and after hearing how passionate she is, listening to Caitlyn outline the failings of the council she sits on, she schedules the councillors for Cait and Vi to talk with.

‘You’re a councillor’s daughter, your actions reflect on the entire body,’

‘You know what else reflects on the council? Its citizens living on the streets, being poisoned, having to choose between a kingpin who wants to exploit them and a government that doesn’t give a shit.’

We can see in this exchange just how much Caitlyn has grown from episode 1-8, and I could talk so much more about her growing relationship with Vi in season 1, but I think we all can agree that Vi grounds Caitlyn. She shows Caitlyn a world she hadn’t ever truly seen or understood. Vi challenges her in ways Caitlyn has never been challenged before, and she sees Caitlyn as she is; as simply Cait. Something that nobody else does. The fact that Caitlyn is a Kiramman is an afterthought, something Vi only learns later on when Caitlyn insists she can help with Zaun’s plight. 

Even when Caitlyn fails to achieve what they want from the council she remains determined to try again, but it’s Vi that walks away. It’s Vi that can only see how to do things one way and knows that she has to leave Caitlyn behind to do it. Vi, I feel, is essentially protecting Caitlyn from something she knows Caitlyn doesn’t fully understand and never can simply because of their separate birthrights. She will never really be able to understand that oppression, and Vi is too afraid/guilty to relinquish what little control she has left when it comes to Jinx.

Caitlyn acts in the council meeting according to the hierarchy she grew up in, something that Vi doesn’t have the luxury to indulge in. That’s why she walks away and goes to Jayce. Vi needs to take things into her own hands to try and save her sister and deal with Silco, she chooses the undercity way and leaves Caitlyn to mull over the topside approach. Vi’s own guilt gives her a heavy burden of responsibility that she can’t let go of.

We see after their separation that Caitlyn isn’t content with Topside’s action, or inaction, she’s frustrated with the lack of doing nothing but not doing enough. We see this when she’s in the shower thinking of Vi; her image represents what Caitlyn wants to fight for, what she can’t let go of now. A better life for them all. I truly believe that Caitlyn, with her dogged determination, would have tried again and again and again to help Vi with Jinx and Silco, and would have found a way to persuade the council to help the Undercity heal. It’s the first real indication we get that Vi has become one of Caitlyn’s biggest strengths, but will also become one of Caitlyn’s biggest weaknesses, as we see at the end of Season 1.

This all pieces together when Jinx foils Caitlyn’s plans to try and help and kidnaps her. Instead of Caitlyn working towards finding a balanced, diplomatic, solution that will benefit Piltover/Zaun and bridge the divide, we get Caitlyn receiving a nice dose of trauma; Jinx threatening her life and blowing up the council tower. Topped with the crushing burden of conflict and guilt; having the shot on Jinx but not being able to take it due to her loyalty and affection for Vi. 

It’s this event and every moment that happens during it that shapes the foundation of Caitlyn’s arc for season 2. 

——

We start season 2 with the consequences of the actions of season 1. Jinx is free and Caitlyn’s mother was killed along with some of the other councillors thanks to Jinx’s attack. This is already an intolerable pill for Caitlyn to swallow, knowing that not only did she have the shot on Jinx that could have prevented her mother’s death, but I’m sure Mel makes it known to her that she and the council were voting in favour of Zaun having independence. 

As such Season 2 is rich with character development for Caitlyn, and I think the best way I can share my thoughts on it is to break it down into her development journey per act.

Alongside looking at the events/effects of each act on Caitlyn’s character I want to focus on the three faces Cait claims to haunt her in S2E1; her mother (whose memory is manipulated by Ambessa), Jinx, and Vi. I believe that individually these three characters are the driving force behind Caitlyn’s descent to darkness and also her light back to the good woman we know Caitlyn Kiramman is at her core. 

Let’s start with Ambessa since I feel like her role is critical to Caitlyn’s moral downfall. However, in order to fully understand Caitlyn’s descent into darkness in season 2 I believe it’s vital to understand Ambessa, her motives, and her role in manipulating Caitlyn for her own gain.

So let’s jump back a second and look at Ambessa before we dissect season 2:

In season 1 Ambessa arrives in Piltover under the false pretense of visiting her estranged daughter Mel - who we all know is a wealthy and powerful

Councillor in the city - and confides in Mel about her brother, Kino’s death. It seems Ambessa feels responsible for her son's death, and that she’s certain those responsible for his death will continue to seek revenge upon the Medarda’s and Noxus. 

This brings us to the real reason for Ambessa’s visit. Having grown aware of Piltover’s progress with Hextech, Ambessa sees the opportunity to create and use Hextech weaponry to protect her family and thwart any threat to her people. Essentially, Ambessa begins her game of manipulation early in season 1 by hoping to convince Mel to engage in war with the Undercity using the weaponised Hextech to squash the conflict. Ambessa sees these two cities and the tensions between them as a testing ground for Hextech weapons, and a chance to grab power, which luckily Mel sees through and prevents.

With Mel not being so easily manipulated, aware of her mother’s warmongering ways, Ambessa quickly changes strategies and attempts to manoeuvre Hextech’s creator, Jayce, into weaponizing the technology. While Jayce refuses at first, Vi tempts him further, and together they take Hextech weapons into the Undercity with the goal of attacking Silco’s shimmer factories, only for Jayce to end up accidentally killing a child working in one. This immediately stops Jayce and ruins Ambessa’s second attempt at manipulation to mass weaponise Hextech. 

With promises of allowing Mel to return home to Noxus with her if Mel will simply allow the war between Piltover and Zaun to happen, Ambessa makes her final move of season 1. Luckily Mel stays true to herself, and right before Jinx blows up the council building, Mel sides with Jayce in offering Zaun independence, and encourages the other councillors to do the same. 

It’s as we head into season 2, in the wake of Jinx’s attack on Piltover, that we see Ambessa use the chaos to reestablish her footing and create another angle of manipulation to work with.

She first tries to speak through Councilor Salo, which Mel catches immediately, knowing that her mother is determined to gain power. Mel agrees to invade the Undercity to capture Jinx but without Hextech weapons, once again stopping Ambessa’s push to put Hextech into weaponised action. 

With Ambessa’s plot mapped, let’s move back to Season 2 and Caitlyn’s development:

Act 1:

Ep1 - 

It’s important to note that even at this point in her grief Caitlyn is still fighting for the people of Zaun and trying to prevent a war; she stands by Jinx being solely responsible for the attack and doesn’t want Piltover to flood the Undercity with enforcers. 

Because Ambessa failed to use Salo to get the councillors to invade Zaun with Hextech we see her next power play. She’s the one responsible for the memorial attack, she allows it to happen only to set herself up as the saviour with her Noxian troops. This act pushes her agenda forward, the next time the council meet they feel taken off guard, fearful and desperate to find a way to fight back and protect themselves. But before Ambessa can speak up, Caitlyn arrives with her strike team armed with Hextech weapons and does the task for her. 

Caitlyn’s goal is obviously to minimise damage, which is a stark contrast to what Ambessa wants overall, however it’s the perfect way for Ambessa to test her goal. I believe it’s at this point that we witness Ambessa noticing Caitlyn for the first time and understanding her influence. Something Ambessa definitely notes for later on. 

/

Next we have Caitlyn’s relationship with Vi to consider. 

It complicates Caitlyn’s grief. What should be a simple anger becomes a layered torment. How do you openly and intensely hate the sister of someone you care about? How does Caitlyn move past understanding Vi’s care for Jinx and refusal to give up on her at the end of season 1? Especially when that reality caused Caitlyn to hold back, go against her gut instinct, not shoot, and ultimately allow Jinx to kill her mother and further divide Piltover and Zaun.

The scene with her dad expands this conflict. Her guilt and self blame are evident when she admits she had the shot on Jinx. We see it manifesting in her refusal to willingly accept the Kiramman key. From someone so confident and self assured in season 1, we quickly see Caitlyn displaced and unsure. She’s gone from knowing the safety of her place in the Piltover hierarchy chain, to suddenly having to step up and fill that role her mother held. It’s a big responsibility and one Caitlyn doesn’t feel deserving or sure of. 

(Adding to this quickly that I love that it pans to Vi overhearing Caitlyn’s confessions, I think it perfectly foreshadows that Vi is going to have to witness someone else she loves descending down a path that’s a product of her actions. What a heavy cross to bear (maybe I’ll do a deep dive on Vi next)).

I also think it’s important that we talk about how Caitlyn is someone who keeps her emotions close to her chest, whereas Vi wears hers on her sleeve. Caitlyn’s grief is all over her face but it isn’t necessarily spoken aloud, she isn’t a blubbering mess. She only cries when she has the safety of Vi to be vulnerable with, and even then she only allows herself a brief moment. In true Caitlyn fashion, she then throws herself back into her way of dealing with her grief through action. I guess it makes sense that she feels inaction is what caused her pain, so of course going with the enforcers to find Jinx in the Undercity is a good idea. 

What perhaps isn’t her best idea is asking Vi to put on an enforcer badge and join her. I think Caitlyn is super clouded by her own grief here to even consider whether this is a good idea or not, especially given what she knows about Vi’s past. However, I would say that I truly believe that Caitlyn believes she’s asking Vi to join her for the right reasons. We witnessed Cait try and dissuade the council to invade Zaun already, so to think that Caitlyn believes that Vi’s presence on the enforcers side would help bridge a divide between Piltover and Zaun isn’t out of the realm of possibility. It makes sense for Cait to think that showing unity against Jinx would send a good message to the people of both cities. It also acts to ease Caitlyn’s own fears about Vi’s feelings towards her and Jinx. Where does Vi’s allegiance lie now? Can Vi see that Jinx is too far gone now and trust Cait to make the right decision? It’s a risk but a reassurance I think Cait desperately needs from Vi to anchor herself. 

Even though Vi initially rejects her offer to join the enforcers, after the memorial attack, when we see Caitlyn at her most unbalanced, Vi is there once again to provide comfort to Caitlyn at her most vulnerable. Vi understands what Caitlyn needs from her. I think at this point Vi is consumed by her own pain and guilt, and that while she clearly can’t mend Jinx’s heart, perhaps she can protect Cait’s. It’s why I believe Vi ultimately joins the strike team Caitlyn sets up. She feels a sense of responsibility to put things right too. It’s a tentative balance between the two of them; it’s the promise of action without overzealous violence hinged on an achievable goal of apprehending Jinx.

/

We see Caitlyn, for the most part, admirably hiding her pain, grief, and self blame for her mother’s death (as Mel tells Jayce) but we also see glimpses of her strong facade cracking with anger at Jinx. 

Her anguish and guilt begin to manifest into hatred, and we see this evidently in Caitlyn’s visualisation of taking the shot at Jinx. This externalised hatred of Jinx is understandable in the wake of her mother’s death, and has left Caitlyn’s family with a gaping hole that she herself now has to quickly navigate to fill. 

While Jinx isn’t part of the memorial attack it triggers a reaction in Caitlyn; her pain and anger breaking free and making her lash out. We see her in her grief going from defending Zaun; ‘there’s good people down there’ to ‘they’re animals’. While that thought doesn’t grow further yet (thanks to Vi’s grounding presence) it does seed and begin to take root inside Caitlyn, waiting to blossom later in the season.

/

Ep 2 & 3:

Episodes 2 & 3 take a closer look at Caitlyn’s invasion of the Undercity with her strike team. So I’m going to combine my thoughts for them. 

We see at the end of episode 1 that Caitlyn discovers the creation of the ventilation system the Kiramman’s created to provide clean air to the Undercity. Now this next part seems to be where I witness a lot of hatred and negativity of Caitlyn’s character journey this season coming from.

While I completely agree that her use of the gas in the Undercity is a bold and controversial choice, I think there’s a misunderstanding of how Caitlyn was using the gas. I get the sense that people think she was just gassing the whole of the Undercity when in reality she states what she plans to do with the gas in her mission outline; locate Jinx, dismantle shimmer and neutralise any agents still loyal to Silco.

Remember Vi is part of this strike team, I doubt she’s letting Caitlyn murderously gas her people. Instead, she’s probably guided Caitlyn into where the shimmer factories and the gangs are located. It’s these areas that the gas is being used. Does this justify her use of the gas? I’m not sure. I think it’s a moral grey area. Does violence of any kind, from any side, justify a violent retaliation? I think this is sadly a case of human nature. It shows the cycle of hatred, of violence being used to justify peace. It’s a tale as old as time; everybody is the bad guy in somebody else’s story. It’s a cycle that keeps repeating until somebody breaks it.

And that’s the theme the show wants to explore in season 2. Caitlyn’s actions are unsettling. Rightfully so. It’s a breakdown of what happens to people’s morals when they’re challenged by outside forces they can’t control. I think Arcane takes these issues and presents them cleverly throughout the show, and to write a character off as simply bad or good is a disservice to the depth they’ve been given.

The show forces the audience to step into each characters shoes and ask:

‘how far are you willing to go for the people you love?’

‘How far is too far?’

‘How do you know when you’re crossed that line and can you stop yourself going further?’

‘Can you come back from that?’ 

‘What can you do to break the cycle?’

We see these questions starting to get asked as we move into the tail end of Act 1.

The montage at the start of episode 3 is super heavy with explanations of what exactly the strike team does in Zaun. Sadly, I do think if you’re casually watching some of the depth of this montage is lost which I’m assuming is a time restraint/stylistic choice that had to be made for S2.

That said, let’s look at it carefully:

I feel like the bright colours are really menacing here, especially when you see Caitlyn and co fully suited up with the green gas behind them. It makes the image of the gangs running away look small and weak in comparison. When in reality we know these guys have helped Silco flood the lanes with Shimmer and are definitely part of the violence in the Undercity. It then flickers through scenes of the team fighting against the gangs, of them achieving their objective to dismantle shimmer and neutralise anyone still loyal to Silco. But it also makes a point to show Caitlyn apprehending these criminals in a non-lethal way; it seems she fires the same net-type bullets the enforcers fired at Vi and Powder way back in the opening episodes as they escaped from Jayce’s apartment. Most importantly it shows them holding Jinx’s wanted poster, inquiring for her whereabouts. This, we know, is the driving force behind all of Cait’s actions. A venture that is clearly proving fruitless so far. It’s clear that Jinx’s continued allusion only heightens Caitlyn’s grief and anger. 

While searching the Undercity for Jinx, we see Caitlyn, Vi and the others looking for Jinx in the old arcade where Vi and Jinx played as children. The use of the gas and seeing Vi playing enforcer enrages Jinx and she taunts Caitlyn by switching on the moving targets and momentarily appearing behind one before disappearing once more. While Maddie confirms the place is all clear, Caitlyn appears to begin to hyperventilate, her frustration with not apprehending Jinx clearly agitating her and teetering her closer and closer to the edge of her grief and control. She shoots where she was certain she saw Jinx standing, showing her ability to follow through with her shot now, and once more it’s Vi that has to approach her and ground her, bringing Caitlyn back from the Jinx demon plaguing her.

I want to make a point of noting that Vi is involved in the entirety of the strike team invasion into Zaun. This doesn’t make the use of the gas a right, but it does draw a line under what even Vi thinks is acceptable for Silco’s goons to suffer in their quest to get Jinx. When Jinx confronts Vi about this later, Vi even says they were using the gas to minimise damage (note - Cait hasn’t lost all morals) - ‘We used the grey to clear the streets. To keep people safe.’

We see Jinx using one of the Chembarons’s minions to lure Caitlyn and Vi further down into the pipeworks. While questioning the guy, Caitlyn continues off the back of her agitation from ep2, her frustration at not having found Jinx already making her snappy and twitchy. When Caitlyn demands an answer on how Heenot got there, she looks far too trigger happy, and Vi immediately notices the unsettled shift in Caitlyn, moving to kneel in front of Heenot. This serves to put her in Cait’s eyeline in an attempt to ground her once more. Vi gets the answer Caitlyn was seeking without violence but instead of calming Caitlyn, the knowledge that Jinx is close by only seems to amplify Cait’s vehement determination for vengeance.

Vi can see Caitlyn is becoming increasingly consumed by her hatred and asks to speak to her for a moment and then— well, let’s go ahead and talk about the kiss. That first kiss… 

I personally think that Vi’s voice actor Hailee Steinfeld and writer Amanda Overton give voice to my feelings on this far more coherently than I ever could: 

‘The dialogue before [the kiss] says it all. Vi's in a place where she's lost everything. She's lost anything and everything she's ever felt seen by or close to," Steinfeld continued. "The only way she has any of it left is through Caitlyn, and she's now asking a lot of her, asking her not to change given what she's now going through. I think it unlocks a newfound vulnerability.’

While Amanda adds to this:

“To me, that kiss, because it comes so early in their arc, was always meant to be the right thing for the wrong reasons. You want to feel really good because they’re finally kissing, but the promise that Vi asks her in her desperation is an impossible ask. Caitlyn responds in a way where she wants this to be true, Vi wants this to be true. Both of them want this to be true, so kissing was their way of covering that up.”

I think the kiss acts as a balm to both of their insecurities and guilt about their roles in the losses they’ve faced and may face again. Do either of them believe the promise, I’m not convinced, but it’s an important moment for Caitlyn to feel reassured by Vi’s loyalty. It feels like Vi has her back as they now approach Jinx, and that if Caitlyn can make the shot, she has Vi’s blessing to do so. Vi is her strength and Caitlyn needs that before she comes face to face with Jinx once again.

The only problem with the kiss and the faux promise is that it’s fine in theory but not in practice. I think Vi was trying to convince herself she could let Jinx go for Cait’s sake, but once she sees her, especially with Isha, Vi can’t commit to it. 

This is the driving wedge between her and Caitlyn, because that kiss promise they just made, well in Caitlyn’s eyes, Vi didn’t keep it. It feels like betrayal. Vi has prevented her from taking the shot against Jinx twice now. 

This is the pivotal moment that ultimately leads to Caitlyn being unable to untangle Vi from Jinx in her mind. Her feelings are too clouded by her grief, and her anger finally shifts from Jinx to Vi. Vi, who in Cait’s eyes, let her down. It’s heartbreaking but in the next moment Vi pays the price for Caitlyn’s transferred anger by taking Caitlyn’s rifle to her gut. And just like that, Caitlyn breaks her promise too. 

Has she really changed or is Caitlyn merely lost in her own self hatred, grief, insecurity and guilt? Whatever the answer is, without Vi, Caitlyn no longer has an anchor to stop herself spiralling completely. It leaves her vulnerable and open to manipulation as we see.

/

We see Ambessa growing impatient after Amara attacks her and reveals the Black Rose are aware that Ambessa isn’t relenting in their feud, instead she’s in Piltover looking for an advantage by gaining access to Hextech weapons. As a result Ambessa returns to manipulate Salo, wanting to use the councillor to once again to push her agenda and gain more control. But Salo is equally frustrated by his use in Ambessa’s plan. It’s during Ambessa’s exchange with Salo that Caitlyn comes up again. 

We know Ambessa has taken note of Caitlyn when she stormed the council with her strike team idea and thwarted her attempt to use Salo to urge the council into a full invasion of Zaun, but in this next exchange with Salo we see Ambessa once again  grasping exactly why Caitlyn could be the key to her power play.

‘It’s enough work propping you up without you dulling what few wits are left rattling around in there.’

‘If you propped as well as you prod, maybe I’d have better uses for my time than sitting around waiting for an update on Princess Kiramman’s underground escapades. She’s gotten no closer to Jinx. But that doesn’t seem to steal the stars from anyone’s eyes.’

‘Perhaps if you hadn’t let the child overpower you in your own chamber.’

‘It’s not the girl. It’s the name. It bewitches people.’

Ambessa, at this point, still intends to use Salo as her puppet by gathering the elite of Piltover, so she can essentially speak through Salo, and urge for further action to be taken against Zaun. However, the knowledge she’s gained about Caitlyn from Salo comes in very useful when Ambessa actually makes her play for power at the end of episode 3. 

Mel even notes how clever and strategic Ambessa is when talking with Lest, ‘everything with my mother is a calculated risk’ showing that Ambessa will do whatever is necessary to achieve what she wants. This becomes even easier for Ambessa to do with Mel and Jayce out of the picture, leaving Piltover wide open to her manipulation.

Ambessa takes advantage of the Jinx/Zaunite attacks on Piltover and Amara’s disappearance (or shall I say, her own cover up) to create a new narrative. She starts by using Salo as her mouthpiece, here he lays the foundation that Ambessa is a trusted and worthy ally for Piltover. Whose experience Piltover should take advantage of. Ambessa continues this narrative, painting herself as a kind ally who was simply going to help Amara rebuild Piltover before the Zaunties attacked again. 

Ambessa uses the continued and growing fear of the Piltover elite to encourage the conflict - ‘wrath must be met with wrath.’ - setting up the idea of martial law as a necessary move to protect the people and return Piltover to safety once more. We see Salo thinking he’s finally going to be rewarded for being Ambessa’s puppet, only for Ambessa to manoeuvre past him. She takes the knowledge he’s given her about Caitlyn Kiramman and the worth of her name and chooses her to command instead.

Ambessa knows of Caitlyn’s grief and her unwavering desire to bring Jinx to justice in vengeance for her mother’s death, and now Ambessa can take Caitlyn Kiramman and twist her focus to encompass more. Caitlyn Kiramman can be the pawn Ambessa uses to start the conflict between Piltover and Zaun. Caitlyn Kiramman will get the elite to listen. Caitlyn Kiramman will use Hextech weaponry to do so, and in doing so, Caitlyn Kiramman will give Ambessa the power she needs to confront the Black Rose.

At first Caitlyn is shocked by Ambessa’s decision to choose her for command but once Ambessa and the Noxian’s begin their chest salute, Caitlyn becomes overwhelmed with the pressure of the Kiramman name. She told her dad she didn’t feel worthy or ready, and here is Ambessa, someone the Piltover elite now trust, someone with experience, who is saying she believes Caitlyn is the right person to protect the people. It forces Caitlyn to step up and fill that hole her mother left; to represent Piltover as a Kiramman. Ambessa achieves this cleverly by taking advantage of Caitlyn at her lowest. Ambessa plays into the combination of Caitlyn’s own guilt, grief and self loathing and peer pressure, and buckles Caitlyn to her will, molding her into a Commander who will carry out unspeakable things to grasp power.

Let’s talk about the persuasion of the peer pressure - it’s peer pressure that comes not only from the Noxian army but also from Caitlyn’s own enforcers - Maddie being the one to chest salute from Piltover’s side first. It’s not surprising given we know she’s a spy - but before this knowledge is gained Maddie is seen as a good hearted, kind enforcer wanting to do the right thing. Without Vi there to question and anchor Caitlyn, Maddie is a familiar and reassuring face Cait can turn to. So when Maddie joins the Noxians supporting Caitlyn for commander, so too does everybody else. Now it’s Piltover looking at Caitlyn to make this right.

What do you do when someone you think you trust encourages you to step up? When everyone who relies on the Kiramman name wants to believe in you? It feels like a task Caitlyn cannot fail in… not like she failed her mother. 

Ambessa, seeing Caitlyn beginning to cave to the responsibility, uses the rawness of Caitlyn’s grief to manipulate her again, just as Caitlyn might possibly be starting to question it all. Before the doubts can fully form in her head, Ambessa is there, oinking her poison into Caitlyn’s ear - ‘your mother will have justice. I swear it’. 

There’s that question for Caitlyn and the audience again - how far are you willing to go for those you love?

It’s Ambessa’s manipulation at its finest, a final, powerful shove in the direction Ambessa wants, and Caitlyn, in her broken state, falls for it.

It’s these events of the entirety of Act 1 that I believe sways Cait into taking the position of commander. By giving Caitlyn the power of command over the enforcers and her Noxian army, Ambessa enables Caitlyn to descend into an even darker spiral of moral ambiguity.

/

Act 2 -

Ep 4 - 

In the opening montage we see Caitlyn’s martial law in effect. Under her visage, the enforcers and Noxians flood the Undercity, hunting Jinx, and arresting those they see as a threat. We can all agree here that Caitlyn’s morals have tumbled; she allows a (necessary - Cait’s opinion, not mine) increased amount of violence in order to maintain control, and this is obviously met with resistance from the Zaunties. It’s the cycle of violence churning, and Caitlyn, under Ambessa’s guidance allows it to happen fuelled by her hyper-fixation on capturing Jinx.

I’d like to point out that the use of the Jinx wanted posters throughout this episode is huge. For Caitlyn and Piltover, Jinx is justification for what they’re doing. And for Zaun, Jinx becomes the one thing they can all start to unite behind despite their differences; in the most ironic turn around, Jinx becomes a symbol of hope and rebellion for Zaun against their oppressors.

Despite Caitlyn being in command of the martial law taking place, I think the scene with Maddie highlights that she hasn’t disowned her morals entirely, they haven’t changed, they’ve just become clouded by her grief and Ambessa’s manipulating encouragement. We get a hint of this as it appears that Caitlyn isn’t sleeping well, the tensions between the two cities clearly playing heavily on her mind. We see further hints of this when Caitlyn confesses to Maddie that she didn’t think the invasion would go on so long. 

‘I never expected this to go on so long. I thought… I don’t know what I thought. Just… it wasn’t this.’- this shows that Caitlyn didn’t know what exactly she was taking on when she took command. How could she? Before any of this happened she was an enforcer with restricted responsibility thanks to the protection of her mother, and now she’s not only in charge of her house and its legacy, but she’s taken control of Piltover’s safety. It’s a big burden to bear and it’s clear the direction she’s taken has left her uncertain about her choices. 

Maddie in return seems to act as both the angel and devil on Cait’s shoulders, in one breath she’s endorsing the Noxian’s increasing violence by reassuring Cait that it’s for Piltover’s safety, and the next she’s telling Caitlyn she could withdraw from the Undercity. Without Vi there now to ground Caitlyn in the harsh realities of her choices, Maddie’s angel/devil act further serves as part of Ambessa’s manipulation, isolating Caitlyn in Ambessa’s ideals alone, and keeps Caitlyn spiraling even when her morals begin to creep back in and make her conviction wobble slightly. 

When Maddie teasingly calls Caitlyn ‘Ambessa’ it snaps Caitlyn out of her disillusionment, and keeps her focused on her unfulfilled goal of getting Jinx, citing that Ambessa’s methods do work. She’s delivering what she promised Piltover and Caitlyn she would deliver, and all Caitlyn has to do is stay on the path Ambessa has set out before her.

Maddie also uses this opportunity to try and make Caitlyn feel in control. While Caitlyn’s doubts about the marital law materialise, Maddie forces Caitlyn to look at herself in the mirror and reminds her that Caitlyn is the leader they follow. It catapults Caitlyn back to the weight of responsibility she feels in the wake of losing her mother. Piltover chose her because she’s a Kiramman and Caitlyn cannot let them down, she has a hole to fill. This pushes her to ignore any niggling doubts and press forward with her efforts to secure Jinx.

Another scene where we can see that Caitlyn isn’t completely lost in her darkness is during her exchange with Ambessa. Ambessa rightfully notes that Jinx’s return will further ignite Zaun’s resistance to the martial law, but that it also finally gives them a lead on Jinx. When Caitlyn doesn’t seem elated at the news, Ambessa questions why Caitlyn isn’t more encouraged.

It’s here that Caitlyn’s core morals and doubts of Ambessa begin to shine through again. Caitlyn questions why Ambessa has urged the Noxians to become more violent, and Ambessa is clear in her response; someone in Zaun knows where Jinx is and she will use whatever force is necessary to get the answer.

Caitlyn is relentless though, and her core morals once again challenge Ambessa’s approach - ‘arrests require cause’ - showing that Caitlyn is still trying to stay within a somewhat structured justice system. She might be ruthless and unyielding in her quest for Jinx but she’s not trying to be unnecessarily cruel. 

Ambessa is always one step ahead though and we see her try to pacify Caitlyn’s doubts by reminding her of her duty to Piltover - ‘what greater cause is there than returning peace to this city?’

But Caitlyn isn’t entirely pacified by Ambessa’s remarks and we see her challenge her back with an important question; ‘why is peace always the justification for violence?’ 

This is a question not only for Ambessa and Caitlyn but also the audience. It asks the audience to think about this statement in regards to the whole show; to every character. How far is too far? When do you stop yourself from becoming something other than yourself in the name of protecting/saving those you love?

Ambessa responds by saying she understands how tiring vengeance can be, but she knows Caitlyn won’t be able to rest while she knows Jinx is out there. I believe this is one of the only honest moments Ambessa gives us. We know she too cannot rest while the Black Rose is out there threatening her family, it’s what drives her to achieve power and will keep driving her no matter the cost. But despite this brief moment of honesty, as per her character, Ambessa seizes the moment to manipulate Caitlyn again by questioning her conviction - ‘maybe I underestimated you. Maybe you have the strength I do not. To forgive and trust in tomorrow.’ 

By leaving the choice in Caitlyn’s hands Ambessa triggers Caitlyn to remember what her inaction caused her before; her mother’s death. It’s why we next see a guilt ridden Caitlyn at her mother’s statue and why, I believe, Cait can’t escape the darkness still clutching at her ankles yet. Having fallen victim to Ambessa manipulation once again we see her allowing the Noxian soldiers to carry out more violence and mass arresting of the Zaunties.

Last thought for episode 4 - Caitlyn’s face overlapping with Jinx’s wanted poster shows the monsters they’ve both become as a result of their traumas. Jinx is a product of her abandonment that festered (under Silco) into a chaotic resentment and anger towards Vi that fundamentally changed who she was/is. The same can be said for Caitlyn in Act 1-2. As a result of Jinx killing her mother, Caitlyn becomes a product of her trauma; her grief and guilt twist her empathy and understanding into that of unbridled anger (fuelled by Ambessa). Now Cait is left desperately seeking justice to soothe her wounds, and it causes her to commit horrible acts in her quest.

Even when Caitlyn does make attempts to remind herself of her true morals, she’s met with Jinx’s taunts, Vi’s betrayal (in her eyes) and Ambessa’s manipulation, just as Jinx always had Silco whispering in her ear.

It’s a cycle of anger and self destruction that Caitlyn and Jinx cannot break… not yet anyway.

/

Ep 5 - 

We begin this episode with Caitlyn arriving at Stillwater in the wake of Warwick’s attack. She has to pass through the blood and bodies of her comrades and see first hand the destruction that’s taken place. While she and Ambessa question Singed over the attack, we see just how fractured Caitlyn’s mind is becoming the longer Jinx evades her. It seems here, that Caitlyn thought her dismantling of shimmer earlier on would slow/stop Zaun from producing chemically advanced weapons created from experiments. But the Warwick attack proves her wrong. Singed has created something far worse, and Caitlyn’s immediate response is to discover how it’s connected to Jinx. 

It’s quite an ironic scene because Singed is almost mocking Caitlyn for being so single-minded. Zaun is more than just Jinx - something Caitlyn used to be able to comprehend before her grief - and he can see that Caitlyn is blinded to that, blaming her impatience and youth. 

We also get to see here how Caitlyn has made use of Stillwater for those that she’s arrested during the period of martial law - ‘there are cells buried deep within this prison so devoid of light and fresh air and all basic human considerations that up till now, I have forbidden their use.’

Has Caitlyn wrongly arrested Zaunties? I have no doubt that she has. But has she tried not to go so far into the darkness that she forgets all her morals and becomes a complete monster? I think so. She remembers the torment and suffering Vi suffered in Stillwater (even when they’re apart Vi is the grounding force that tries to creep in and pull Caitlyn back from the worst of herself). I don’t think Caitlyn is cruel by nature. She does have a good heart. It's just buried so deep beneath her guilt and grief that she’s committed acts she never thought she would, and she can’t seem to stop committing them while she feels Jinx is still a threat to Piltover. 

The last we see of Caitlyn in that scene she threatens Signed with spending the rest of his days in Stillwater. A promise she will keep if he doesn’t cooperate to help them destroy the beast.

When we next see Singed however, he’s with Ambessa. Ambessa who has quickly and strategically concluded that if Hextech is unreachable due to Jayce’s absence, the beast that Signed has created is the next best weapon she could have in her arsenal. Warwick might in fact be more powerful. Here Ambessa cuts a deal with Singed; his loyalty and the beast for her cause, in exchange for his freedom and allowance to keep experimenting. It’s clearly not something Ambessa informs Caitlyn of, who I’m assuming she keeps in the dark. Ambessa allows Caitlyn to keep believing that Singed is only being freed so that they can find the beast and destroy it before it attacks Piltover. 

We get to see in this episode that the doubts we see Caitlyn beginning to have about Ambessa and the disillusionment we see Caitlyn facing about her role in the invasion of Zaun continue to gnaw at her, especially after Singed’s poignant remark that ‘no one in power is innocent.’  I think this is a statement that makes Caitlyn pause and look at herself. If Signed isn’t innocent for his creation, is she innocent for the violence she’s allowed?

When we next see Ambessa, Signed and Caitlyn share a scene together, it’s with Signed conducting an experiment that will hopefully allow them to locate the beast.

Caitlyn, who looks less than thrilled with the arrangement of his freedom, makes it known that she understood Signed’s barbed statement last time, and as a result she’s used her position as a Kiramman to look into him to discover how deep his crimes go. It also highlights that she distrusts the reasoning Ambessa has given her for Signed’s release. We know after all that during the previous episode Ambessa made it clear she couldn’t forgive and forget. That she would always fight and do whatever was necessary to win with no regrets.

What Caitlyn has discovered is that the Piltover academy once had a revered alchemist who was banished as a result of his work. The results of which were never recorded. We know from S1 that Jayce’s creation of Hextech was considered so dangerous that it almost got him banished until he stabilised it. But what does the Undercity have that’s equally as dangerous as Hextech and yet entirely unstable and uncontrollable; shimmer. 

Caitlyn’s headstrong intellect makes a delightful return here when we see her work out that Singed was the banished alchemist Dr Reveck. She recoils in disgust at his creation of shimmer, which has always been a threat, not only to Piltover, but to Zaun. The damage of which Caitlyn saw firsthand in season 1 when she was in Zaun with Vi.

She calls Signed a monster and demands to know why he created shimmer and why he continues to experiment so dangerously that he creates these violent abominations.

For Singed the answer is easy - ‘Why does anyone commit acts others deem unspeakable? For love.’

At the sight of Signed’s daughter, kept alive by these unthinkable, grotesque experiments, Caitlyn is then forced to face an ugly truth, something which she and Singed both share. They have both committed horrible deeds to alleviate the harrowing pain of loss that only comes from losing someone you love. 

It holds a mirror up to Caitlyn and her actions in such a raw way that I don’t think any other moment has done yet. Is this the wake up call Caitlyn needs to finally break the chains of Ambessa’s manipulation and away from the darkness pulling her further and further away from her true self?

I guess we’ll see.

——

Ep 6 -

While the previous episode gives us our first proper glimmer of hope that Caitlyn is slowly waking up from her darkness and may start breaking away from Ambessa soon, this episode gives us the culmination of events that actually drive Cait to that very point of disentangling herself from Ambessa’s web of manipulation. 

But let’s rewind a second to see how exactly Caitlyn gets there.

Episode 6 starts off with a very clever and insightful fight sequence. Here we see Ambessa sparring with Caitlyn and training her in the Noxian ways. 

Here are the key principles Ambessa teaches Caitlyn:

‘Noxus prizes strength above all else, defining it by three core principles. Vision. The top of the triangle, charting a course and having the wisdom to navigate it. This form is your base, child. Your eyes see what others don't. Might. Bending your environment to your will. Your speed is improving. But eventually you need force.’

‘Too much force exposes you to risk.’

‘Indeed. The last is guile. Phantoms. Tricksters. Mages. Absent honour. Absent accountability. Remember this, Caitlyn. Tunnels in your eyes. Lava in your veins. Shadows in your heart. This is the truth of combat.’

But oh no, that’s not all.  Ambessa enlightens Caitlyn to her final, most important lesson:

‘I’ve discovered a fourth principle. One that heightens all others. Sacrifice. The temper born of suffering. We understand it as others cannot. We are kin.’

Now, this may just seem like Ambessa being Ambessa but it provides Caitlyn with two things:

 1) her combat skill set has definitely approved under Ambessa and continues to do so 

 2) Caitlyn has the inner-knowledge of how Ambessa’s mind works. 

This becomes vital later on in the remaining episodes. 

Some people might be confused by Caitlyn’s participation here given that she was starting to doubt Ambessa in the previous episode. However, the beast is still at large and a threat to both Piltover and Zaun. Caitlyn needs to aid Ambessa in putting him down.

Singed leads Ambessa, Caitlyn and the Noxian army through Zaun to the commune Viktor has established. Here is where Signed has tracked his beast. While Ambessa seems hell bent on attacking the commune without a second thought in order to capture the beast, we see Caitlyn looking unsure. Her suspicions that Ambessa is up to something heighten when she allows Singed to enter the commune to talk to Viktor.

Up until this point Caitlyn believes their goal is to eliminate the beast since it’s such a threat to Piltover and Zaun, but when she witnesses Ambessa and Signed plotting together, I believe she starts questioning their true intent regarding the beast.

The next time we see Caitlyn she appears to be creeping around the outskirts of her and Ambessa’s makeshift camp. Why would she be doing that if she wasn’t doubting Ambessa and Singed? Caitlyn isn’t stupid, she knows Ambessa is highly driven by power, but power at the expense of a peaceful commune? I’m not sure even Caitlyn is willing to cross that line. Her morals have gotten lost but they haven’t gone completely. Caitlyn has always tried to hold onto them. We see that here again. These morals come rushing back when Caitlyn’s natural detective skills lead her to piece together that Ambessa and Signed are planning a way to capture the beast, not destroy it. 

This to me is Caitlyn’s turning point, as she realises that Ambessa and Signed with the beast at their disposal will be a much bigger threat to Piltover and Zaun than Jinx ever could have been. 

Caitlyn has already reached this conclusion before she spots someone creeping about and puts their ass on the ground. Before she realises it’s Vi creeping around. 

The fact that it is Vi following Singed, and the fact that Vi is at the commune at all gives Caitlyn even greater reason to question Ambessa. These two may not have spoken in months but they see each other. They always have. 

When Caitlyn says ‘you can’t be here’ it’s not because she doesn’t want to see Vi, or because she’s dismissing her, but because she knows Ambessa is dangerous. Because despite everything that’s happened Caitlyn wants to protect Vi. Plus, Caitlyn knows that Vi being there is a weakness for her, she won’t be able to do what she needs to do to stop Ambessa if she’s worrying about Vi in the crossfire.

It’s Vi, however, questioning Caitlyn in return that falters Caitlyn’s cold focus. Why is Caitlyn there on the job? And is she still acting like an unhinged mongoose? 

Caitlyn mimics the insult of ‘mongoose’ but I think it’s the word ‘unhinged’ that cracks her steely veneer. Her grief and guilt did make her unhinged. The last time they were together she hit Vi in the stomach with her rifle in the wake of what she perceived as Vi’s betrayal of her. In the months since I’m sure that act has haunted Caitlyn. Vi disappeared from her life without another word and it’s because of Caitlyn’s actions. 

(Was Maddie the perfect distraction to the heartbreak she caused herself? I think so. Maddie allowed Caitlyn not to think about Vi, and Caitlyn needed that in order to reassure herself that her actions were necessary and justified. A perfect example of ‘the worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves’).

Without Vi around, Caitlyn was able to really access those darker parts of herself, and while Caitlyn felt like she needed to do that in order to keep herself focused on Jinx, we can see the cost of it. We see it in Caitlyn’s uncertainty in her actions, in her doubts of Ambessa, in the threat of the beast, and in Vi’s appearance. 

When Vi pushes Caitlyn off her in response, Caitlyn moves back limply, a little bit of the fight knocked out of her. Did Vi’s insult hold a mirror up to Caitlyn? I think so. It’s an uncomfortable pill to swallow, and we see that manifest in the way Caitlyn shifts her focus onto Vi’s hair.  

‘Your hair. You look like an angry oil slick.’

‘Don’t sugarcoat it, cupcake.’

Vi doesn’t trade insults with Caitlyn. She doesn’t berate her further than getting Caitlyn to back off so she can sit up. Instead she takes Caitlyn’s comment and gives Caitlyn warmth in return. The use of the ‘cupcake’ nickname is familiar, affectionate. In that single moment it breaks the tension between them. Is there anger between them? Yes. Unresolved issues? Yes. But there’s also an innate trust. So when Vi asks what Caitlyn is doing at the commune, Caitlyn tells the truth. And when Caitlyn asks Vi why she’s there in return, Vi tells the truth.

‘We tracked some sort of new chemweapon down here. A bloodthirsty, murderous, beast. What are you doing here?’

‘Trying to save… my dad.’

We don’t see Vi reveal to Caitlyn the true extent of what happened to Vander, and Vi purposely omits Jinx’s involvement, but what she tells Caitlyn is enough for Caitlyn to make her decision to betray Ambessa. 

We’ve seen time and time again that Vi fights because she’s always had to, but Caitlyn fights because she wants to. It’s what made Vi trust Caitlyn in the first place. And although she knows Caitlyn still hates/resents Jinx, she trusts Caitlyn enough in that moment to fight for what’s right like she always has before. Vi completely kills Caitlyn’s idea that Warwick is just a beast. The second Vi confides in her that this beast is actually Vander, her dad, Caitlyn starts seeing him as human. And not just any human; a human hugely important to Vi. Those doubts Caitlyn had about Ambessa and Singed? They’re cemented here. She trusts Vi and believes Vi, and that headstrong Caitlyn from S1 who wants to do the right thing and protect the people she loves? She shows up for Vi now.

Grayson once asked Caitlyn what she was shooting for, and we see the answer here clearly; Caitlyn will shoot to protect those she loves. Vi needs her help and her protection and Caitlyn is going to do just that because despite everything that's happened to them and between them, Caitlyn loves Vi. It’s that simple.

They’ve always worked better together, and we see that here. Their balance slowly returns as they plot to infiltrate Ambessa’s camp with Vi as Caitlyn’s prisoner. It creates a perfect distraction and takes Ambessa out of play, while Caitlyn stops Singed and saves Vander. If anybody could bring Caitlyn back out of her darkness and ground her, redirect her focus, and free her from Ambessa’s manipulation, it’s Vi.

The following scene between Ambessa, Vi and Caitlyn is amazing at showing just how much trust and understanding is still between Cait and Vi despite their bond not being fully healed. Caitlyn’s (fake) delivery of Vi into Ambessa’s hands cements Caitlyn as a worthy ally in Ambessa’s eyes. Remember, Ambessa sent a young Mel away because she considered Mel her weakness, and here we see Caitlyn handing over Vi, someone who Ambessa knows has Caitlyn’s heart (is her weakness). It’s such a powerplay from Caitlyn; she takes what she knows about how Ambessa’s mind works and uses that to her advantage to stage her betrayal.

Ambessa’s biggest mistake in this scene is her arrogance. She doesn’t consider for a second that Caitlyn will betray her. While she understands that Vi must be disposed of before she becomes a distraction for Caitlyn and ruins all of Ambessa’s manipulations, she fails to comprehend just how easily Vi could have gotten through to Caitlyn. 

In fact, Ambessa even gloats about how Vi’s absence provided a vacuum she was able to fill in Caitlyn; with manipulation, with Maddie, with fuelled hatred. Without Vi to ground her, Caitlyn, in Ambessa’s eyes, was easily shaped into her cold, ruthless commander. She can’t have Vi ruining that now. It’s why she knows she has to kill her if she wants to keep Caitlyn as her puppet.

The problem with Ambessa putting all of her money on Caitlyn’s hate for Jinx being stronger than any of her past feelings for Vi, is that Ambessa completely fails to recognise that Vi has already saved Caitlyn. All it took was for their eyes to lock again and Vi shattered the hard shell Ambessa worked hard to build around Caitlyn.

Don’t get me wrong, Caitlyn was starting to save herself (unbeknown to Ambessa, thanks to her ego) but Vi showed up at the right time, in the right place and offered Caitlyn a hand. A hand that Caitlyn took without a second of doubt.

Ambessa overlooks the importance of Vi’s duality to Caitlyn, that’s she’s Caitlyn’s biggest weakness but she’s also her biggest strength, until it’s too late. Caitlyn is already distracted, she’s already made her choice; it’s Vi.

I think this shows major growth for Caitlyn, because even though she doesn’t know about Jinx’s involvement at this stage, she still chooses Vi over Ambessa. She chooses Vi over her mission. She chooses Vi over her grief. It doesn’t take back her mistakes but it sets Caitlyn back on the right path, the path where she will protect people, especially those she loves.

Caitlyn follows Vi’s plan to subdue Signed and attempts to help Vander but Rictus stops her. It seems that while Ambessa trusted Caitlyn, Rictus wasn’t convinced. Just as it looks like he will kill Caitlyn, Jinx fires a shot and saves her.

Does Jinx do it because she cares about Caitlyn? No. Jinx saves Caitlyn to save Vander. Does Jinx know deep down that killing Caitlyn would affect the bridges she’s building with Vi? I absolutely think so.

As Vander saves Jinx from Rictus we see Vi rush in and embrace her family. Caitlyn, while betrayed by Jinx’s unexpected involvement, and who is still knocked down on the floor, briefly locks eyes with Vi only to witness Vi smiling and happy with her family. 

This is the first time Caitlyn gets to see Vi freely happy with the people she loves. All she’s ever witnessed from Vi before is pain. Pain at losing her parents, pain at losing Vander, pain at being locked away for years, pain for leaving Powder and having to accept Jinx. Pain from Caitlyn. And Jinx is right there too, looking happy and holding Vander and Vi in return. Has Vi forgiven Jinx? Can Vi forgive her? Can Caitlyn forgive any of it? 

It’s a lot for Caitlyn to process and she doesn’t really get a chance to before Jayce hammers Viktor to death and sends the place into chaos. 

Instead we see Caitlyn following behind Vi and Jinx as they run outside to see what’s going on. Warwick is back to being bloodthirsty now that Viktor is dead, and Ambessa has arrived with the Noxian army seeking revenge. Her eyes piercing Caitlyn glaringly for her betrayal before she attacks.

It’s important to note that not once during the fight sequence with Vander and the Noxians do we see Caitlyn try and take a shot at Jinx. She easily could have, at multiple points, but she doesn’t. 

Why?

Because when she freed Vi from Stillwater in S1 she decided to trust her. She trusted her because beneath Vi’s tough exterior Caitlyn could see her pain. Since that moment all Caitlyn has wanted to do is soothe Vi’s wounded heart. It’s why she didn’t shoot Jinx in the season 1 finale, it’s why she lets Vi stop her shooting Jinx in Ep3, and it’s why she doesn’t try to shoot Jinx now.

Caitlyn has been devastated by the loss of her mother at Jinx’s hands. It’s a pain she will never fully heal from, and in these moments Caitlyn has to decide if she wants to be responsible for adding to Vi’s pain. Can she kill Vi’s sister? Can she cause more suffering to the woman she loves? More than she already has? The answer is a resounding no. 

Because despite everything, Caitlyn is a good person with a good heart. She was just swept away and lost in her grief. But now she’s anchored again thanks to Vi. She may never forgive Jinx, she may always hate her for what she did but she will always love Vi more.

We see Caitlyn protecting Vi during the fight, and we even see her letting Vi go in order to save Jinx when she gallantly rushes in to try and save Isha.

By the end of Act 2 we stop seeing Commander Caitlyn Kiramman here and simply see Cait again. She’s definitely more bruised and hardened by her trauma and experiences but she’s there, fighting her way back to the surface.

This takes us into Act 3 and Caitlyn’s reconciliation with her true self and her steps towards atonement. 

/

Act 3:

Ep 8 -

This episode starts with an unconscious Vi awakening after her near death experience in ep6. Loris is there when she wakes and he tries to calm her down by answering her burning questions about the locations of Jinx and Cait.

Let’s just take a second to note that Vi isn’t just anywhere in Piltover, oh no, she’s tucked safely in Caitlyn’s bed in the Kiramman house. And Loris openly tells her that Caitlyn rounded up a squad of doctors to patch her back together. There’s a bunch of pillows piled on the side next to Vi - did Caitlyn watch over her while she healed? The show doesn’t explicitly state it, but Loris implies that Caitlyn wanted to be there when Vi woke, suggesting that Caitlyn hasn’t left her side often, and the reason for her absence must be important.

We get to see why Caitlyn isn’t at Vi’s side when she wakes just seconds later. Caitlyn is with Maddie, contemplating Ambessa’s inevitable attack on Piltover. She knows it’s coming, especially now that Ambessa knows of her betrayal. Considering Caitlyn has been the commander of the invasion into Zaun for months at this point, here we see her approach to be a little more cautious. No longer is she so warped by Ambessa’s reckless ways, or her hate fuelled mission for revenge against Jinx, now Caitlyn is trying to find her feet as commander in her own way; listening to her own morals and trying to make the right choices. Caitlyn knows there won’t be any negotiations with Ambessa thanks to her betrayal, and so careful, clever strategy is what she’s going to need to come up with, and fast, if she’s to save Piltover.

Maddie tries to offer comfort but Caitlyn straight up rejects her. Why? Because there was never any true affection between them. Maddie was just a distraction, a warm body to keep Caitlyn’s focus away from Vi and stuck in the darkness she was drowning in. But now that Vi's back in her orbit, Caitlyn is even less interested in Maddie, and the second Vi storms in demanding answers about Jinx, Caitlyn dismisses Maddie without a second thought.

Here we see some of the tension between Caitlyn and Vi boil to the surface. Their reunion in the previous episode was quick, it was based on innate trust and convenience, but there was no time for a proper resolution to the issues between them. Vi demands answers for why Jinx is locked away, accusing Caitlyn of still being on her blinding revenge quest against Jinx. When Caitlyn’s initial attempt to calm Vi falls on deaf ears, she retorts with anger at Vi’s lack of trust in her to do the right thing.

‘Arrested?’

‘Vi…’

‘She saved your life.’

‘If you will just calm down for one—’

‘Even knowing you’d never have done the same for her.’

‘We’ll never know, will we? You didn’t let me in on that part of your plan.’

‘Clearly the right call, since you can’t trust her enough not to shove her in a box.’

‘Trust? You believe I’m so daft I can’t recognise a contingency? She wasn’t there for my benefit. You didn’t trust me to follow through.’

‘Can you blame me? How long were you sidled up with that shifty, self-serving war pig? She oinked poison in your ear, and you just ate it!’

I think Vi’s defence here is fair, given that Vi not only witnessed Caitlyn’s hatred for Jinx morph into an obsession, but that she also got a taste of Caitlyn’s spiral into darkness herself when Caitlyn was cruel to her in ep3. She was in Zaun the entire time Caitlyn was enforcing Ambessa’s martial law too. Vi has seen the violence and the damage done at Caitlyn’s hands with her own eyes. So it’s not a surprise that Vi didn’t trust her fully when they reunited in ep6. Caitlyn has been under Ambessa’s thumb for far too long for Vi to assess just how much lasting damage has been done to Caitlyn in ep6. 

When Vi confronts Caitlyn with this harsh reality, Caitlyn cracks in shame and anger - ‘I know!’

Caitlyn can see what she’s done, what she’s become, and she takes accountability for it with this simple acknowledgement. She’s not a words girl, we know she’s more emotionally repressed when it comes to expressing herself that way, but as she sinks back onto the arm of the couch we can physically see her deflation. Caitlyn is very much aware of her mistakes. She knows she’s had her grief manipulated and that to an extent, because of her hatred of Jinx, she let it happen. It has cost Caitlyn greatly, and we see how fragile her relationship with Vi is now as a result.

But the best thing about this much needed heated exchange is that Caitlyn gets to show Vi that she’s not completely lost to her, that she has managed to start pulling herself out of her darkness. 

‘The only thing Jinx cared about was getting you to safety. Then she just surrendered. I didn’t even have time to think before they hailed her off. She’s being held in the bunker while I decide what to do. I was waiting for you to recover.’

Why did Caitlyn wait? 

Well she unfairly pushed the enforcer badge on to Vi back in episode 1 because she selfishly needed reassurance and loyalty during her spiraling grief. She forced Vi to choose between her and Jinx when deep down Cait knew that would be an impossible thing for Vi to do. 

Caitlyn waiting for Vi to recover before any decision is made about what happens to Jinx proves that Cait wants to atone. It shows Vi where she’s at, and Vi recognises the gesture immediately. There’s her Cait. It’s not commander Kiramman sitting before her, but the woman she was falling for back before Jinx’s attack at the end of season 1.

It gives Vi all she needs to fight for her family; for Jinx and for Cait.

‘Cait, she’s changed.’ 

Vi wants Cait to understand what she’s been going through, what she’s witnessed in regards to Jinx and Isha and the bridges they were beginning to build. But even though Cait hears this - Jinx saved her when she easily could have let Rictus kill her - she can’t quite accept it. Not because she doesn’t necessarily believe Vi but because how can anybody accept the unspeakable violence and acts that Jinx has done? That Caitlyn has done? In Caitlyn’s mind they’re inescapable and unforgivable.

‘We can’t erase our mistakes. None of us.’

But Vi is the voice of reason and immediately challenges her response with this soul searching question - ‘who decides who gets a second chance?’

The conflicting expressions that flicker across Caitlyn’s face as Vi leaves her at the end of this scene shows how carefully and heavily this question sits in Cait’s chest. 

Who does get to decide who deserves a second chance? Is it the responsibility of someone else to decide if you’re worthy? Or is it up to you to free yourself from the burdens of your mistakes?

It’s a set of questions that Caitlyn takes with her when she visits Jinx in her cell. 

We start by seeing Caitlyn taking Jinx a tray of food, a sign of her good heart and the extension of a tentative olive branch before they get into having their first ever, real conversation.

‘Vi thinks that you’ve changed.’

‘She can’t accept what you and I know. There are no happy endings.’

Jinx’s response to Caitlyn’s statement immediately brings us back to Vi’s question for Caitlyn - ‘who decides who gets a second chance?’

Jinx is just as closed off to the idea as Caitlyn (‘We can’t erase our mistakes. None of us.’) and that immediately triggers Caitlyn. Because if they’re right, if they don’t deserve second chances, what’s left of them both?

Caitlyn wants accountability; from Jinx, from herself, and so she presses further:

‘Is that all you have to say for yourself? There won’t be a trial. I’m giving you this one chance to account for your actions, all the pain you’ve caused.’

But Jinx continues to look defeated and doesn’t react, showing a shell of the person Caitlyn knew her to be - the Jinx that Caitlyn despised. Caitlyn grows frustrated and bangs her fist into the cell bars.

‘No amount of good deeds can undo our crimes.’

Here Caitlyn takes accountability by saying ‘our crimes’, she knows they’ve both caused pain, but even that doesn’t get a reaction. Jinx is empty; empty of anger, of hate, of taunts. All the time she’s spent being vengeful hasn’t made her feel better, or changed anything that’s happened, it’s just left her utterly exhausted. There’s no fight left in her and she admits as much to Caitlyn:

‘Do what you came here to do.’

Caitlyn’s lingering anger disappears instantly as she recognises Jinx’s predicament as her own. The cost of their hatred, of their vengeance hasn’t been worth it. It’s cost them both exponentially. They’re both shells of who they were, who they should be.

‘Hating you… I’ve hated myself. I just don’t have the energy for it any longer.’

Caitlyn starts to walk away but before she gets far Jinx gives her the accountability that Caitlyn needs to hear from Jinx in order to free herself of her self hatred:

‘I didn’t know your mom was there. It probably wouldn’t have made a difference, but… I didn’t know.’

It’s not a sorry. These two will never say sorry to each other. They will never like each other. But this is the moment Caitlyn lets go of her hatred, of her need for justice. Jinx’s confession releases Caitlyn from the burden of her guilt over her mother’s death and breaks their cycle of violence.

In return, we see Caitlyn answer Vi’s question. She doesn’t say sorry, or beg for forgiveness, she acts. She orders all the guards to the Hexgates, leaving Jinx unguarded, and in doing so grants Jinx her second chance. She does it not only for herself and for Jinx, but for Vi. 

Caitlyn knows Vi will free Jinx because Vi loves unconditionally. She fights for those she loves and she can’t give up on Jinx because they’re family and Vi feels responsible for her. It’s the essence of who Vi is.

It’s something Caitlyn has come to understand from her grief because she too couldn’t let go; of her mother, of her guilt, of her hatred. It’s because of love that she became the commander and made the mistakes she did, and it’s because of love that Vi will do what she needs to save her sister. But most importantly it's because of love that Caitlyn is willing to let Vi save Jinx, even if that means letting Vi go. Cait’s giving Vi the freedom to make her own choice despite knowing it could cost her what she wants. And what Caitlyn wants more than anything is Vi. 

Caitlyn’s atonement for her sins begins in that one beautiful, selfless act of letting go.

When we next see Caitlyn she is freeing Vi from the cell that Jinx locked her in. Vi is punishing herself for what she thinks is her having made the wrong choice again. She really thought Jinx would help, but she didn’t, she left Vi, and now Vi’s worried that by betraying Cait to free Jinx, she’s lost Caitlyn too. 

‘Did you really think I needed all the guards at the Hexgates? Sorry to say, you’ve grown a bit predictable.’

We already know that Cait set Jinx’s escape up for Vi. That she prioritized her love for Vi over her hatred for Jinx, and in the one confession, Vi now knows it too. Caitlyn acted for her. Caitlyn sees Vi and accepts her fully.

We’ve already established that Caitlyn knew Vi would try to save her sister, but what we didn’t know for certain, and what Caitlyn most definitely didn’t know for certain, is would Vi still be there and would Vi still want her?

Here we get Vi’s answer when Vi finally takes what she wants and kisses Cait. 

Caitlyn can’t quite believe it, but when Vi just keeps on kissing her, it clicks for Cait that Vi does want her just as much as she wants Vi.

I adore the use of lighting in this scene, and I’ve seen a few wonderful posts analysing this in detail, so I won’t overstep. But i just wanted to note how clever it is to see Vi pull Cait out of darkness and back into the light. And while we’re talking about the light I will quickly add on a bit about Maddie. Vi couldn’t give two fucks about her. She didn’t when she met her, she didn’t when she saw her in Cait’s house, and she doesn’t give a fuck if she was in Cait’s bed. Vi knows Cait lost herself, and Maddie was simply something for Cait to lose herself in, as much as fighting and alcohol was for Vi. All that matters is now, and what matters now is her and Cait.

I could talk about their sex scene beat by beat but I think the fandom has analysed it to death beautifully already. What I will say is we see the culmination of both their arcs here. Vi, at Jinx’s behest, finally lets herself be happy and what makes her happy is Caitlyn. And Caitlyn uses every touch to apologise, to show her love and regret to Vi. She gives up the control that has kept her blindly focused on her revenge and hatred. Cait gives herself over completely to Vi’s love and redeems her soul by doing so. It’s beautiful to see Vi finally take what she wants.

The culmination of this episode is heartwarming. We see Cait giving Jinx a second chance, Jinx then in turn gives Vi a second chance by setting her free from the burden of their tormented past, and Vi returns that grace by granting Cait a second chance from her mistakes. 

The three of them break the cycle together.

—-

Ep 9 -

A lot happens in this final episode but I’m strictly going to try and focus on Caitlyn and Vi before this analysis grows any longer.

Piltover is preparing for Ambessa’s and Viktor’s attack. We see Caitlyn and Vi in the council bunker with Jayce and Mel. Here Jayce tells Caitlyn, Vi and Mel that he needs them to take the enforcers and buy him as much time against Ambessa’s forces while he shuts down the Hexgates.

When Jayce says this is a fight they’re supposed to lose, Vi’s fist visibly clenches. She doesn’t like losing fights, and definitely doesn’t want to lose this one now that she’s finally letting herself be happy, but you can tell Vi is tired. She’s been fucking through it emotionally and physically these past 2 seasons and Cait catches her anxiety instantly. It’s only a fleeting moment, but we see Cait cover Vi’s hand and squeeze in support and encouragement. Vi doesn’t have to fight alone anymore. They can fight together.

Here we see Caitlyn embodying her role as the commander she was always meant to be when she says they can stop Viktor, and determidly shoves his little model down. I love seeing her so strong and resolved here. She’s got far too much to fight for and to put right to admit defeat so easily.

While Vi is off with her batch of enforcers leading a charge from one of the towers, Caitlyn is down in the front line with her own squad fighting back the Noxian forces who have Ambessa leading the charge. 

We see Caitlyn with her trusty rifle and Maddie as her spotter fighting hard, but can only watch in horror as a shimmer fuelled army seems to be relentlessly coming for them. Commander Caitlyn kicks in and keeps her team going even when it seems like they might be losing. She fights with everything she has to put their plan into action, knowing that she has mistakes to atone for.

But something goes wrong and before she knows what’s happening, Caitlyn takes a massive hit to the back of the head. It winds her and leaves her struggling to get up, and when she does it’s to see that her enforcers have been captured by the Noxian troops, and Ambessa is marching straight towards her.

When she glances back to see who has a rifle aimed at the back of her head, Caitlyn comes face to face with Maddie. It’s here that we get the reveal that Maddie is a Noxian spy and has been working for Ambessa the entire time. It’s another mistake for Caitlyn, a failing of her judgment, once again made during her grief and manipulated by Ambessa perfectly.

‘I warned you of the hazards of professional entanglement.’

Ambessa’s gloating is a horrible reminder of how fair Caitlyn let herself fall beneath Ambessa’s influence, and I think it’s this self awareness, this shame, that causes Caitlyn to take her chance. She never really had any true feelings for Maddie, Caitlyn was using her for distraction just as Maddie was using her for information, and now she has an opportunity to atone for her sins by ending this war if she can just get the shot on Ambessa.

Caitlyn smashes the rifle back into Maddie’s face as she grabs it from her and takes her aim at Ambessa. But of course Ambessa anticipates Caitlyn’s reckless attempt, she goaded her into it after all, and Caitlyn once again pays the price for her mistakes when Ambessa thwarts her attack and stab’s Caitlyn in the stomach instead.

When Caitlyn falls to her knees before Ambessa and her mocking ‘desperation is the doorway to oblivion, child’ you can see the sorrow on Cait’s face. In her eyes she has failed. She’s failed Piltover, she’s failed herself, and she’s failed Vi. Filled with regret, I imagine Cait’s life flashes before her eyes as Maddie loads the gun and takes the shot.

There’s the sound of the gun firing, a cracking of gold, and then the wet sound of blood. Maddie’s body slops weightless down against her back before slumping to the ground and Caitlyn is left with the stark realisation that she isn’t dead. Her second chance is truly a second chance.

Enter Mel, in all her glorious magical power. While she faces off with her mother, Jinx joins the battle in her outlandish way, and the symbolism of second choices being worth having comes full circle as the chaos of her arrival grants Piltover and Zaun another chance to fight back.

The enforcers break free during the chaos and continue to fight, and Viktor’s hive mind army starts rushing the Hexgate while Mel and Caitlyn face off with Ambessa. 

This fight shows off Caitlyn’s redemption arc beautifully. With renewed strength Caitlyn is back on her feet and circling Ambessa as she exchanges heated words with Mel.

Fuck words though, Caitlyn is a woman made of action, and with determination thrumming through her veins, she punches Ambessa in the face, cutting off her self-serving tirade.

‘Shut up and fight.’

Caitlyn truly becomes the commander she was always meant to be when she challenges Ambessa here. She has a lot to prove, a lot to atone for and a lot left to fight for, and Caitlyn gives every bit of herself over to it, consequences be damned. She’s willing to give her life to save everyone, and if that’s not Caitlyn trying to be redeemed I don’t know what else she could do.

The fight sequence is incredible. Ambessa takes on her daughter duo skillfully. Ambessa is a tank of a woman, a fearless leader and a fierce fighter. But Caitlyn has grown and changed. She’s not the naive child Ambessa manipulated anymore, she’s a wise, hardened warrior with a good heart and an unwavering desire to make amends.

We see Caitlyn’s true, courageous strength in this scene as she uses Ambessa’s own Noxian teachings against her;

Caitlyn fights with all her might; she ignores the blade in her stomach and goes for Ambessa again and again, taking blow after blow but never quitting. 

She fights with vision; her intuitiveness effectively analysing Ambessa’s movement, choices and weaknesses. She sees the runic band around her arm deflecting Mel’s attacks, and plans to use it against her.

She fights with guile; when Ambessa has her on her knees, a blade heading towards her eye, and Ambessa’s air of victory about her, Cait uses the blade in her stomach to make her move and slices the band from Ambessa’s arm.

But most importantly Caitlyn sacrifices.

In season 1 she trades her prized rifle, which is essentially an extension of who Caitlyn is at her very core, to get the medicine needed to save Vi. Here, in the fight against Ambessa, Caitlyn gives over even more. She gives her eye - an actual piece of herself - to try and save Piltover and Zaun. Cait is a marksman, her sight is imperative, and yet Caitlyn gives her eye freely. She doesn’t do it for forgiveness but because she needs to try and make amends and put things right. She does it because she was willing to pay the ultimate price of her sins.

Words mean a lot, but so do actions, and Cait is redeemed by hers in these final episodes, in my opinion at least. 

After the battle is over and it appears they’ve won we don’t see Cait and Vi again until the very end but we do see Sevika taking a seat at the council. Cait has given her seat to Zaun. She took so much from them during her grief and hatred and now that she’s free from that, she gives them her seat so they can have a voice. Their own voice. I don’t personally see how Caitlyn could ever remain in the council when she was an oppressor to Zaun. She had to step back and give that up in order for the divide between Piltover and Zaun to continue to grow and heal. Her purpose in rebuilding will be found elsewhere.

With that said, we don’t know if Cait is still an enforcer or not, but we do see eye-patch Caitlyn back to her investigative ways. She’s pensively studying the Hexgates blueprint while twirling a piece of shrapnel between her fingers. It’s not just any piece of shrapnel though, it’s the head of one of Jinx’s monkey bombs. Caitlyn zooms in on the vents leading off the Hexgates, and it appears she’s pondering one question; could Jinx have survived and escaped?

The question is why is Caitlyn looking in the first place. Is she looking to simply help Vi with getting closure? Or is Cait looking because second chances and forgiveness become more healing with time? Is there a world where Caitlyn and Jinx can grow and heal enough to both be in Vi’s orbit without hurting her? It’s left open to interpretation. But it’s hopeful after all the pain the three of them have endured.

We see Vi looking emotionally and physically spent as she hums to herself. But she also looks calm and at peace. Humming, enjoying the fire, comfortably sitting like she’s at home in the Kiramman house. It’s heartwarming to see Vi looking safe; like she belongs.

Cait comes through from her investigating, and teases Vi slightly showing a domestic growth in their relationship. We don’t know how long it’s been but we can assume both cities are still in a state of rebuild and change. 

Caitlyn is still a Kiramman however. She might not be a commander anymore but she still has a sense of duty and will always want to help, and she checks in with Vi to see if she’s still there with her. Because Vi doesn’t have to fight anymore if she doesn’t want to, and if she doesn’t, Caitlyn won’t ask her too. 

‘Are you still in this fight, Violet?’

But the thing about Vi is no matter how emotionally and physically exhausted she is, or how beaten down, Vi will always get up. It’s just who Violet is at her core. Vi fights for what she loves, to protect and help them, and the person Vi loves more than anything is Caitlyn, so of course Vi is right there with her. 

‘I am the dirt under your nails, cupcake. Nothing’s gonna clean me out.’

Together they will weep, and laugh, and love, and heal, and work to make things better. Together they will keep moving forwards, always.

——

With all that picked apart, I think Caitlyn is a well rounded, flawed character, and she’ll always be up there as one of my favourites now. We see her go through hell and back and come out the other side with a good heart. She’s not perfect… but just like Vi, I love her.

[jasmineoolongtea]

plastic palm trees ― gojo satoru

caught in a dream, it's not what it seems

contents: gojo satoru x f!reader (exes), from the reader's pov this time, nicknames (sweets), angst, hurt + no comfort, questionable coping mechanism, small moments of happiness/fluff (in the flashbacks/memories), suggestive themes for like one memory, swearing/cursing, insecurities from the reader's side, drinking/alcohol

summary: memories from during and immediately after your relationship with satoru (pt. 2 to deeply still in love)

wc: 4.7k (wow that's a doozy and sorry on my part for any errors you might spot because this is kinda not proofread)

a/n: ahhh ty guys sm for the love on deeply still in love, i was not expecting it to blow up like that but i'm just so happy that you guys also enjoy it as well !!! this is kinda a part 2 but not really since it's mainly flashbacks. there is a part 3/conclusion to this whole mini saga coming soon so watch out for it :000. art by objectgraphy on x (nsfw warning for the full pic)

It plays again in your head like a clip from a movie you've seen way too many times.

It's you and him, just the two of you and no one else, sitting in his stupid beat-up black jeep wrangler that's probably seen too much by this point that's parked in the middle of some random parking lot well past midnight by now.

Satoru always complains that something's broken for the hundredth time whenever he comes to pick you up from your dorm for another one of his late-night rendevous however despite all this complaining, you're always greeted with the sight of the same black car even though you know he has a car collection that's way too extensive for any reasonable university student to have.

You're pretty sure you've lost count of how many times you've asked to just get a new car at this point but he always refuses for some reason that's beyond you.

Nostalgia, he says as he pats the well-worn leather lining of its interior. We've been through a lot, me and this one, he'll add on, talking about the vehicle as a person rather than some inanimate object and then he'll start pouting at you like some sort of petulant child when you stare back at him unconvinced.

There's a part of you that wants to call him a 'sentimental idiot' for stuff like this but actually, habits like this only serve to further endear him to you in some weird twist of fate and you can only muster an affectionate eye roll as a response.

There's no particular reason as to why you and Satoru would drive out and just sit and be together like this. It wasn't even because of this specific parking lot as well since you two would just usually drive around until you found a parking lot that looked empty enough and just park there to bask under the canopy of the night sky above.

It was always so quiet. You liked the quiet.

Before you met Satoru, you thought this quiet was something only you could keep to yourself but he taught you that there was merit to be had in sharing the quiet with someone else. Even if that someone else might make your 'quiet' much louder than what you're typically used to.

"I like it here." You mumble softly in the sleeves of your (his) sweater. It was one of your favourites because it was soft and it smelled like him.

"You like the city?" There's an edge of suspicion in his voice like he can't believe someone could ever like this place coming from someone who's grown up in said city. To be fair, the place had its good, bad and ugly and maybe as a city native, he had become accustomed to more of the bad and ugly rather than the good.

"I mean, it's nicer from where I came from. A lot of places are nicer than the town I'm from." You laugh half-heartedly as you lean against the cold glass of the window.

Satoru goes quiet for a moment. You don't talk about your hometown that much and for good reason, in your opinion. University was one of your few chances to get out of there and you took that chance without so much of a look back or regret in your mind.

It's nice, cosy even, if you ignore the slight tingling sensation crawling up your legs when you sit in the way you like to sit for too long or the fact that you're both hanging out in an abandoned parking lot in the dead of night. Whatever this is, you think you wouldn't change it for the world if you were given the choice.

Too bad, your getaway couldn't last forever.

The words are weighing heavy on your tongue, just there on the tip as if they're ready to jump off any second but you tighten your lips in a frail attempt to stop them from spilling out. You know the words you're going to have to say will change the way that things are, no matter how much you want things to stay like this.

Satoru leans his head against the car window next to him, hitting the glass with a soft bonk that you're sure hurts but of course, he doesn't react to the collision. Instead, his attention is focused on staring at you, angling his body in a way so that he can get a better look at you, with that classic dopey smirk of his plastered on his face as he does.

A part of you hates him for being able to look so good even in the broken glow of the overhead parking lot lights that would have made anyone else look sickly under its cracked yellow hue.

Not him though, never him. He looks like an angel, you think to yourself, with the way the wisps of white hair splayed out around him illuminate into something that resembles a halo which further elevates his already ethereal features into something otherwordly.

"Shame, it can't last though." You murmur quietly to yourself, moreso of in the vein of thinking out loud rather than starting a conversation. Unfortunately for you, it seems he's heard you.

"What do you mean?" He asks, sitting a little bit straighter in the driver's seat as he looks on inquisitively.

You avoid looking back at him because you know if you could see his expression, it would only make saying goodbye harder. "I can't stay, Toru." You tell him as you gaze into the black nothingness of the night sky from inside the car. "I'll have to move back after graduation."

"What? Why?"

"The rent is crazy expensive here. The only reason I can stay here for uni is because of the student pricing and now that we're graduating, there's no way I can afford to find a place in time." You gnaw nervously at the bottom of your lip as you speak, a bad habit, you know, but it's just something you can't really kick.

You don't want it to end like this, who would? You don't want to say goodbye to the city, to your life, to him. You've had your first taste of true independence and it's being taken away from you because of stupid expensive rent prices, of all things.

A very anti-climatic way to go out if anyone were to ask you.

The car is dead silent for a few minutes. You're scared for whatever his reaction is going to be. He's going to break up with you, isn't he? You think to yourself and you hate the fact that your mind instantly jumps to the worst option but you can already feel a pit start forming at the bottom of your stomach .

The longer the silence drags the more you're convinced he's going to kick you out of the car or something worse and you can already feel yourself bracing for whatever fallout is coming your way.

"Then move in with me. I have an apartment here, a pretty good apartment if you ask me." He states, shrugging his shoulders casually as if he were simply talking about the weather instead of suggesting something as major as this.

"...What?" You reply, though your words come out more as a question as you try to comprehend what he's just asked.

A beat of silence passes the two of you. You don't move.

"I'm serious. Move in with me." You scan his face for any of the typical telltale signs that he might be pulling a prank on you and you find his face scarily devoid of any of them.

Oh, he's dead serious, you think to yourself, with the way he's looking expectantly at you.

"Satoru, do you understand what you're asking?" You ask, still in a state of disbelief at his offer.

He makes a face at you like the answer to your question is the most obvious thing in the world.

"Obviously, if I didn't why would I ask you." He remarks as he raises an eyebrow at you and before you can open your mouth to retort back, he brings a finger up to your lips to silence you. "And, it's not that strange of a request considering the fact that you're my girlfriend. Don't people in a relationship usually move in together like isn't that some big relationship milestone that they look forward to?"

"I-I mean it is but still."

"Okay, then what's the problem."

"I don't know." You sigh, mulling over his proposition in your head for a bit before turning back to him.

"Just promise me this, Toru. Promise me you won't get sick of me?" You ask him as you reach out your pinky towards him.

A pinky promise. It's childish you know but Satoru knows how much small things like this mean to you.

He reaches his hand out to you and interlocks his pinky with you but before you can pull away, he laces his other fingers with yours and brings your hands up to his lips for a soft kiss. The tips of your ears burn red at the way his lips brush your skin.

"Sweets, I could never get sick of you. Actually, I don't think I could ever get over you as long as I lived."

"You better hope that's true or I'm gonna make you eat your words." You grin cheekily at him, a smile which he reciprocates tenfold before basically pouncing over the console to wrap his arms around you. A squeal escapes you as you burst out into a fit of giggles as he peppers your face with feather-light kisses all whilst fighting off your weak attempts at pushing him off.

His arms rest against the plush leather of the passenger seat, trapping you against him, as his flurry of kisses dies down. He stops for a second, admiring the sight of you so close to him and a part of you wants to shrink from the intensity of his gaze. Unfortunately with the way that his arms are caging you in, there's nowhere to hide and you're left at his mercy.

Satoru leans closer, barely inches away from your face as he hovers right above your lips. "Oh yeah? Well, you're gonna be waiting for a long time because that's never gonna happen." His lips find their place against yours, melting into you like they were made for you and you think to yourself that this must be what home feels like.

Another memory of a happier time flashes through after that.

This time, you're lost in between the bedsheets with him, bare skin on skin as the two of you whisper sweet nothings to each other like lovers do in the dead of night when there's no one watching.

"I like it here." He mutters softly. His arm is wrapped around your waist, pulling you into him like you're his very own lifeline, and his legs are haphazardly intertwined with yours in some mess of limbs that might be able to pass as an abstract art piece if you look at it right from a certain angle.

The blanket is resting dangerously low around his hips and you're wondering how he isn't freezing as you cling onto him as your own personal space heater in the darkness that surrounds the two of you.

It's quiet once again.

"What? Us naked in your bed?" You quip.

"You know that's not what I meant." He groans into your bare shoulder as you giggle softly to yourself, clearly pleased with your well-timed jibe.

"Sorry, I just had to take the opportunity to tease you."

You can't necessarily see him right now but you're sure he's probably lovingly rolling his eyes at you. A sigh escapes his lips and you shiver slightly from the way the blast of hot air hits your skin.

"I like it here when it's just me and you and there's no one else except us in this world." He confesses to you as his fingers begin to explore the expanses of your body as if trying to commit the way you feel under his fingertips into memory.

You bite the corner of your lip as you fight the urge to shrink under his delicate touch.

There's another jest resting on the tip of your tongue but you decide that Satoru's had enough terrorising on your behalf so you say nothing and instead quietly soak up this rare respite from the busyness of everyday life that has been afforded to you two.

"Just us, together, in this bed where we don't need to care about anything else except just that." He adds on, his voice resolute and although you don't say anything out loud, you think you agree with him.

In here, in between these four walls, you two can pretend that the entire world existed within these confines and all the two of you needed to do was to reach out and you had the world at your fingertips. At the end of the day, it was simple and something the two of you could forever return to.

You wished that things could stay simple.

Before you can linger on that moment any longer, it's gone in the blink of an eye as another memory swoops in to take its place.

The door to your shared apartment creeks open and as you crane your head towards the doorway from your spot on the sofa, you're greeted with the sight of a slightly dazed Satoru clumsily entering.

"What's up?" You ask as you shoot up from your place, quickly making your way across the apartment to check up on him as a pang of concern over his current state hits you.

At the sight of you, Satoru is suddenly drawn back into reality as he blinks owlishly for a few seconds as if attempting to reacquaint himself with his surroundings and bring his clearly distracted mind back into reality.

"I just got a call from my family's company. They're giving me the chance to head a new division they want to expand into." He replies as he runs a hand through his hair, a nervous habit of his which shows that this offer is clearly weighing heavy on him. You take his hand in yours and give it a comforting squeeze in the way that he would do for you all those times before, a gesture you can tell he greatly appreciates with the way his shoulders sag with relief.

He confesses softly to you. "I don't know if I should do it."

"Why? What's holding you back?" You question, somewhat confused by his hesitation. This is a major offer and you're surprised that he isn't jumping off the walls with excitement but you're sure he must have his reasons.

"I just- The hours are going to be long and well, you know how many family is and the elders are-"

You cut him off sharply, sensing that Satoru was on his way down a lengthy ramble. "I think you should take it." He stares at you, almost slightly bewildered at your apt response. "It'll be good for you."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course, I'm sure Toru. If you don't take this opportunity, you're going to regret later down the line." You insist, sending a reassuring smile his way. Even if he can't see it now, you're sure that this going to be good for him. For the both of you.

Whatever new hurdles that might come your way from this like Satoru is convinced is going to happen, you have faith that the two of you can make it out relatively unscathed.

It's good to have faith right?

The new question was, how long can your faith carry you?

You're pacing back and forth in your shared apartment for what seems like the millionth time as you anxiously watch the seconds tick down on the clock.

"Hey, Toru. What time do you think you're going to be back?" You're trying to balance the phone between your ear and shoulder as you smooth out a napkin to the best of your ability. It's looking a little wonky, if you're going to be honest and maybe tonight of all nights wasn't really the time to find out if you were good at folding napkins into fancy shapes like they do at the restaurant but you needed tonight to go according to plan.

It had to. Tonight was an important night for both of you.

"Why, what's the occasion?" From the way he's asking, you don't think he's putting on an act of pretending not to know for the surprise. Rather, it's a genuine question on his behalf and somehow, for some reason, that feels even worse than outright disgust.

"Did you forget?" You feel your voice falter ever so slightly, another crack etching its way onto your already fragile heart. "It's our anniversary dinner."

"Shit, I'm so sorry, sweets. It totally slipped my mind with all of these meetings and stuff they're having me do." You hear an exhausted sigh ring out from the other side of the phone in between the cacophony of other voices taking up space in the background. "I'll make it up to you, I swear."

"...No, It-it's fine. We can just reschedule this stuff for another day." A breathy laugh leaves your lips in a weak attempt to try and convince him that it was truly alright and that it was just something else to brush off.

"...If you say so."

"I'm serious, Satoru. It's fine, I can just reschedule things for another day that's all." Another one to add to the evergrowing pile, a bitter voice barks from within the recesses of your mind.

Much to your chagrin, you're unfortunately becoming much more acquainted with this voice and although you haven't responded to its taunts yet, you can feel your resolve wearing away with each late night you watch the streets below for any sign of life, his life to be specific.

Worst of all, you can't say you regret this, can you? Because if you do, then it would basically be confessing that all of the pain and late nights the both of you have been sacrificing have been all for nought and that you were wrong for pushing the both of you down this path.

It needs to be worth it so that there's a reason for this pain that you're feeling when things like this become an afterthought but you're starting to wonder how many times you have to say it until it becomes real instead of just a pipe dream you had the misfortune of being caught in.

Soon, it seemed that these doubts weren't just one-sided anymore.

"This is good for us, right?" Satoru asks one night as the two of you are getting ready for bed. It's been a while since the two of you have gone to bed at the same time as your clocks fall further and further out of sync the longer you two spend out of each other's embrace. There's a strong hint of uncertainty in his voice like he's trying to convince himself as much as he's trying to convince you. "...You're happy right?"

You don't look at him in the eye. You can't. "Right, yeah. I mean, this is what we want." Your answer isn't as resolute as you hoped that it would come out but you brush past it in the hopes of making sure whatever doubts you may have bubbling underneath your surface remain there.

"You didn't answer my other question."

A nervous laugh escapes you. "What do you mean?"

"Are you happy?" You stop in your tracks for a moment as you process his question.

There were a lot of things you could have said at that time, the truth would have been a good option, but instead, you chose to swallow the difficult choice down and take the easy way out by plastering on a sickly sweet smile and lying to him through your teeth.

"Of course, I'm happy Satoru."

As soon as the words leave your mouth, you're greeted with that oh-so-familiar sensation of that pit in the bottom of your stomach as the bitter voice you've tried to suppress makes its infamous return to the forefront of your mind.

Looking back at it now, maybe you should have said the truth, it would have saved you two a lot of pain in retrospect but pride is a funny thing and you're sure that Satoru was in the same position you were in at this point.

That's probably why he didn't push any further after your response, no matter how fake it probably sounded out loud. It's either that or he wanted to believe that you were actually telling the truth.

You're not sure which one is worse.

In another world, you would like to think that there's a point to your mind deciding to subject you to this trip down memory lane aside from dredging up your past pains and regrets to torture you. Maybe, in this other world, you would have a sudden life-changing revelation awaiting you at the end of the road but all you can see just nothing.

It's better this way, right? For the both of you.

You told yourself that when you sat him down and broke up with him in the total sum of a few sentences before leaving because you didn't want to truly say goodbye to him as that would make everything more real and therefore much worse. You told yourself that when you sat in the backseat of your friend's car they came to pick you up for a night out because they insisted that you needed to get out of your head sometimes. You tell yourself this when you stare into the barrel of the gun in the form of the glass of alcohol sitting in front of you.

He deserves better than being lied to on the daily and someone like you holding him back. You can't even remember the last time you actually, truly looked him in the eye for longer than a few seconds. You imagine the old you who loved to get lost in the vast expanses of his cerulean eyes that would gaze at you like you were the one who personally hung the stars in the sky.

Before, if his eyes were the great roaring ocean, you would gladly let yourself get pulled under by the tide even if it meant drowning in its depth. Now, you're scared to even dip your toes in the shoreline when the wave is nothing more than just the remnants of sea foam.

You reach over for another sip, pretending like the burning aftertaste left in its wake doesn't make you want to wince.

Maybe Satoru was onto something with his dislike of alcohol. You've learned that after a few drinks, all liquor, no matter the amount of zeros slapped onto the end of its price tag starts to taste the same by the end of the night.

There's just so much of him everywhere. In the objects, the, hell even the air. You think you might suffocate from the sheer amount of him you're surrounded by. It doesn't matter where you go, all you can see is him.

You needed to get out.

Pushing past the crowd all whilst ignoring the confused calls of your friends to your sudden switch in behaviour, you stumble your way to the bathroom and lock the door behind you as you slump down defeated next to the sink.

Truth be told, his question haunts you more than you would like to admit.

"Are you happy?"

You don't think you are. Maybe you should be, you have everything that would usually qualify for someone to answer that they are happy and you're no longer that struggling student you were a few years ago which is definitely a plus.

You tell other people that you are 'happy' when they ask, with a smile that never reaches your eyes and a grip that's probably too tight on whatever you're holding in your hands at the time but the answer never feels right, no matter how many times you say it out loud and let it roll off your tongue.

Despite what you tell yourself, perhaps the time when you were happy, truly happy, was when you were with him.

Deep down, you think that if you were given the choice between now and then, you would trade all of this for a chance to be those dumb kids sitting and making out in parking lots without a care in the world except for each other again in a heartbeat.

As you study the tiles of the wall opposite you, you think to yourself that it would be nice to stay here in this bathroom, far away from the rest of the world and far away from what feels like all your regrets personified but the logical, reasonable part of you knows that there's no way you could realistically stay here any longer before your friends start worriedly banging on the door.

Slowly, your shoulders deflate with a defeated sigh as you stand up and make your way out of whatever bar you've been dragged to as you bid your friends goodbye in a way that you hope doesn't raise any suspicions.

The air feels bitingly cold as the wind nips at your face while you stand awkwardly on the curb, waiting for a taxi as you go to both the first and last place you want to be at; your apartment. Ironically, in a cruel twist of fate, the total absence of anything relating to Satoru only makes his lack of presence only more pronounced.

If this was the universe's doing, then you had a few choice words for them to say the least.

You wrap your arms around yourself in a vain attempt to maintain some semblance of body heat as you quickly flag down the nearest car and clamber in. When you arrive back, you glance at the clock and you have to fight the urge to let out a laugh when you see that it's barely even past 10pm and you're already back at home.

Pathetic, the bitter voice in your head spits out.

You do what you do best and ignore it as you collapse into the embrace of your bed and try your bed to lull yourself to whatever empty dreamscape awaits you this time if only to get a moment away from your current reality. It doesn't last long though because you're awoken by the shrill ringing of your phone.

Should have silenced it, you curse yourself silently as you blindly reach for it. Once it's in your hands, you squint as the blinding brightness of the screen and a flicker of recognition flashes through you as you realise who's actually calling you and for some reason, against your better judgment, you pick up.

When you hang up, you don't go back to sleep. Rather, you're unable to go back to sleep as you're left staring blankly at the ceiling above you. The bed feels too big for one person and you find yourself missing the nights where you could go to sleep alone and wake up in the arms of another.

Much like when you're forced to watch a replay of all your memories, you're wondering if what you said was right. If you were to go by what you've been telling yourself since the breakup, then sure, you did the right thing. But if it is truly the right thing, then it doesn't explain this inexplicable emptiness gnawing deep within your chest or this aching feeling that sits in a place you can't quite reach but are all too aware of.

The longer you let your mind run through all the possibilities you can think of, the more often you find yourself coming back to the same conclusion. It's better this way, be damned, you think to yourself and with that, you make up your mind to set off on a mission.

Out of all of the places you could have found yourself at, this is definitely quite down low on the list and maybe this is what you deserve for trusting your feet instead of your head but you decide that at this point, you don't have much else to lose and so, you gather up the courage to say the words that you've been waiting to say for a while.

"Hi."

[sometimesanalice]

In a Place Just Right

Summary: It's your first year hosting Thanksgiving in San Diego for the Daggers and Bradley can tell you're a little nervous about it. But he already knows it's going to be one for the books, because any holiday spent with you better than anything he could have imagined.

Pairing: Bradley ‘Rooster’ Bradshaw x Female Reader

Length: 5K

Warnings: fluff and allusions to smut (minors dni)

(author's note: this fic is set in the 'Like I Can Universe', but can be read on it's own! Happy Thanksgiving, friends!)

For the last six years Penny has been the one to host Daggersgiving, but this year hostess duties had fallen on your plate. Needless to say, Bradley knew you were more than a little stressed about it.

When you had asked him about his opinion on the merits of canned cranberry sauce versus homemade he’d blinked at you a few times before asking, “Is this a thing people care about?”

He’ll never forget how adorably aghast you looked to learn that he had no preference on the matter. And maybe if you had asked him when the sun was up instead of at 3 AM he might have known better than to give you such a noncommittal answer.

“Both, we’ll have both,” you’d stated resolutely.

“Whatever you want, kid," he’d murmured as he’d pulled you to his chest and wrapped an arm around your stomach. His smart and beautiful wife. "Now go back to sleep, you’re supposed to be dreaming of sugarplums not cranberries."

“Wrong holiday, Bradley,” you’d sighed contentedly, relaxing against him. And it hadn’t taken you long to fall back asleep with that cranberry crisis having been averted.

But now people were due to show up in less than an hour and you are frantically fluttering and huffing around the kitchen like a madwoman in a very pretty green dress, "I knew that quickie was a bad idea. You're never quick, Bradley."

He’d been away and missed many holidays over the years due to his career.

Your mom had always made it clear that he had an open invitation to join in whatever merry festivities were happening with your family, but more often than not it rarely aligned with him being stationed all over the world. But he’d always been happy to get to have a phone call with you and eat the homemade cookies you’d sent him on those years spent apart.

But now Bradley got to look forward to spending every holiday with you in the home you shared with him.

Over the last week the house had slowly but surely transformed into something that was straight out of a magazine.

There was a display of pumpkins, ribbons, and a garland of strung dried orange slices that decorated the fireplace. And overpriced candles from your favorite store flickered cheerfully on every surface that wasn’t a fire hazard to a bunch of enthusiastic Naval aviators. The dining table was dressed up to the nines and everyone spot with their names painstakingly written in your pretty script on a place card sitting in a pinecone.

You had even made some oversized confetti in the shape of oak leaves out of some old books, the copy of ‘Why Men Love Bitches’ that Nat had given him years ago as a joke was finally repurposed and recycled into something more festive over where the beverages had been set up.

The whole house smells amazing. Warm cinnamons and nutmegs mixing with bright citrus and rich vanillas. The kitchen island and countertops were filled with various plates and platters and bowls of dips, charcuterie, fruit and vegetables, nuts, and other savories. All the other dishes were being kept warm in the ovens for when everyone arrived and was ready to settle around the dining table for dinner.

Bradley was positive that no one would leave feeling hungry. He also wasn’t entirely sure where the things his friends are bringing were going to go, but there were worse problems to have.

Penny had taken Amelia with her to visit her family on the East Coast. They’d decided it would probably be better for Mav to hang back in San Diego for the holiday, those tensions with her dad were still a bit strained even though they’d been married for almost four years now.

Which is how the Bradshaw’s were hosting their first Thanksgiving for everyone.

This morning had been organized chaos. Some of the last minute-things had only managed to be checked off with the assistance of strong coffee and a good playlist.

However, he’d still managed to sneak in the opportunity to spin you around the kitchen to your wedding song when it came up on shuffle. After all the cranberries were still popping and boiling down; there was time for it, he'd always make time for it.

But that was then.

Now, you are glaring at him like you’d been personally victimized by him and his cock.

“You complaining, sweet girl?” he asks with a smirk, leaning his hip against the kitchen island watching as you briskly stir the gravy heating up in the copper sauce pot on the stove. “Don’t think that’s what I was hearing thirty minutes ago when we had that pretty green dress of yours bunched around your hips. Sounded something like ‘more, Bradley, more’ to me.”

You shoot him a look that would make a weaker man wither, but he’s built up an immunity to it over a lifetime of having it directed at him.

“I think that’s quite enough out of you,” you reprimand, but he sees the amusement in your eyes even as you fight to keep the annoyed façade on your face. “We’re behind schedule now. I thought I buffered in enough time, just in case-”

“Just in case you begged me to give you an orgasm to, and I quote, ‘help me chill out’?”

“I was kidding,” you say, stopping your agitated whisking to go fluff the stuffing instead.

“All I’m saying is that if my beautiful wife is begging for me, I’m certainly not going to say no. I’m only human,” he says with an all too pleased shrug.

Bradley grabs the can opener and works on opening the canned cranberry sauce. He reaches for a couple plates, holding them up for your approval and you point to the one on the right, the scalloped white one with gold rim.

“For the record, I certainly did not beg,” you say primly, glowering into the homemade stuffing that you’d had him get the bread from the nice bakery across town for.

“Sure, sure,” he drawls, the smirk growing wider on his face as he sets to freeing the jelly from its rippled container.

He knows he shouldn’t tease you right now, but you’re so cute when you get huffy that he can’t help himself. He’s known that petulant raise of your chin his whole life. And sometimes when he looks at you he can so clearly see the little girl he’d been forced to entertain for hours when your moms were hanging out.

You went from being his favorite nuisance to his best friend to his everything.

“Do I still look ok? Or do I need to do a quick refresh before everyone gets here?” you ask. You turn to fully face him, tilting your head one way and then another for his inspection.

He would happily stare at you all day if you’d let him. He loves your pretty eyes and what you’ve done with your hair.

“You’re beautiful,” he grins, “And if anyone asks, we can just say you’re flushed from all the cooking.”

“Bradley,” you whine setting down your wooden spoon down on the counter with a sharp thwack.

“Ok, ok. I’m done, I promise,” he says putting his hands up in surrender with a chuckle.

He pushes off the counter and grabs a glass off of one of the floating shelves and fills it with some ice water.

“Good,” you tut haughtily, as you fiddle with the white and orange striped kitchen towel hanging on the oven door, “I was about to threaten to make you sleep on the couch tonight.”

“You wouldn’t.” Even the thought of it makes his stomach feel unsettled.

After nearly two decades of hard beds on foreign bases and on lumpy carrier mattresses, he’s never slept as well as he did since the two of you found your way to each other.

His peace was found under a fluffy green duvet on a wooden canopy bed with you tucked under his arm.

“No. No, I wouldn’t,” you agree, leaning in to place a soft kiss to his cheek in thanks when he presses the cold glass into your hands.

Bradley tugs you away from the warm stove and you reluctantly follow and sit on the barstool he’s pulled out for you on the other side of the kitchen island.

He runs his hand up and down your back comfortingly as you take a few sips, “We’re in a great place, sweet girl.”

“Mhm, yeah. Sure, of course.” You couldn’t sound less unsure if you tried. “It’s just… I’m nervous about the mushroom and leeks bread pudding. I’ve never made it before. And what if we run out of wine?”

“What’s been our motto?” he asks, taking over the helm at the stove whisking the gravy together as it begins to thicken.

“‘In Ina we trust’,” you say with a serious nod of your head. 

“Atta girl, we sure do. And Nat said she’s is bringing a few bottles she picked up from when she went to Napa, the good shit. It’s going to be great. Trust me,” he says giving you a warm smile. “Will it make you feel better to go over everything again?”

“Yes, please,” you say, anxiously drumming your fingers along the side of your water glass.

He’d stepped up where he could like making sure the house was pristine and cleaning up the yard by blowing off the wrinkled remainders of the yellow Tipuana flowers. He’d even been able to source and rent some more chairs to make sure that everyone would have a seat at the table.

Bradley wasn’t a schlump in the kitchen. He knew his way around a cookbook and a stove. His knife skills were pretty damn good too, if he did say so himself. But he also knew when somethings were out of his wheelhouse. So he’d taken to being your sous chef, and had taken to washing and prepping the ingredients for you so that all you had to do was toss them in whatever shiny pot they were destined for.

He even made his mom’s favorite pie. It had been years since he's had it, and he was excited to share it with everyone.

Your mom had mailed the copy of the original recipe she had that was written in Carole’s rounded, flourished script. You had made a photocopy of it to use so that the original didn’t get ruined, and then pointed out a spot on the wall where you said you’d thought it would look nice in a frame hanging in the kitchen. And he'd fallen a little more in love with you.

“Ok, hit me with it,” he says turning the heat to low for the gravy and putting the lid on.

This was a partnership through and through, he was going to give you all the support you needed.

“The turkey?”

Bradley picks up the fancy digital meat thermometer he’d bought for the occasion to check, “Big Bird has an hour and twenty more minutes to work on his tan and then he’ll rest for another thirty. Giving people time to graze and mingle and get some drinks in them, just like you wanted.”

You nod and hum contemplatively, “I’ve been thinking we need a salad. I don’t feel like we have enough vegetable options.”

He knows better than to point out that you’re currently snacking on snap peas from not one, but three, of the veggie platters the two of you had put together the night before.

“We’ve got the crispy brussels sprouts, the garlic and hazelnut green beans, and the honey glazed carrots with lemon. We’re more than fine on the fiber and beta-carotene. Michelle Obama would be proud, kid.”

That gets a little laugh from you.

“Well, as long as you think Michelle would be happy than we’re probably fine,” you say with a smile around your water glass that tells him you know exactly what he’s doing invoking your favorite First Lady.

“What else are you thinking about?” Bradley asks peering in the lower of their double ovens, where foiled covered dishes are lined up in perfect symmetry are warming away having been prepared in advance.

“Do you think two bags of rolls will be enough? Or should I text Mav and ask him to grab one more?”

He doesn’t miss the way your eyes dip down to his ass in his gray slacks. So he might linger as second longer than necessary to let you enjoy the view, since it’s for the female gaze and all.

He’s never understood wearing the most restrictive clothing on the holiday that involves the most eating, but that was Penny’s tradition to have everyone dressed in their nicest and you had insisted on keeping it going even if she was on the other side of the country.

You’d teased him earlier when you’d seen him emerge from the bedroom wearing the short-sleeved green cashmere polo you’d gotten him a couple years ago. It fit a little more snug that he remembered it, but he thought he still pulled it off well.

“When did we become the couple that matches?” you’d asked gesturing to your dress as you gave him an appreciative onceover.

If the past was anything to go off of, you would be running your hands over the soft material covering his chest and back all night.

“I just like reminding people who I belong with, sweet girl.”

He might have had something else in mind to wear for the evening before he saw you in that dress, had ironed the shirt the night before and everything, but last-minute pivot it was well worth it when you looked at him like that.

When he stands back up, he gives you knowing wink.

And in return you throw a baby carrot at him with a laugh.

Bradley isn’t surprised in the least to hear the quick clack-clack-clack of nails on the wood floors as their fluffy black and white Portuguese Water Dog rounds the corner. Having been summoned by the sound of food hitting the floor from where he had been dozing near the fireplace in the living room.

The carrot is gone in an instant and he comes to sit at Bradley's feet by the stove, looking up at him from under his curly eyebrows clearly hoping he'll get another snack.

“Nah, bud. You’re barking up the wrong tree over here,” he says leaning down to scratch his floppy ears.

“Ah, come here, Duck,” you croon, calling him over to your side of the island. “He’s so mean for a man who claimed he just saw God not too long ago, isn’t he?”

Bradley snorts and shakes his head at you amused.

He still doesn’t know how he ended up with a dog named Duck.

At the dog park, more often than not people mistook it for ‘Buck’. And you were usually off to the side more than happy to let him take the lead, biting your lip to keep from laughing at his less than enthusiastic expression when he’d have to warily explain yet again It’s Duck like quack.

You’re not even subtle about the piece of cheese you pull from the charcuterie board to feed him.

“I saw that,” he says, giving you a pointed lift of his eyebrow, “You know Bob is going to be spoiling him all night.”

“It was just a little piece of cheese. Plus, I don’t know who you think you’re fooling. I saw you go over there and deliver him his own little veggie platter with some of the leftovers we had while I was making the apple cider sangria.”

“That’s different, that’s good for him,” he says rounding the island, reaching over and snagging his own slice of cheese to snack on.

“And cheese is a protein. He’s just a baby, Bradley, what am I supposed to do? Not give him a piece of swiss?” You slide off your chair to squat down and rub Duck’s belly, you’ve always been his favorite.

“He’s almost five,” he replies flatly.

“A youth!” you exclaim, “He’s a growing boy.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Bradley says affectionately with a little roll of his eyes. He knows a losing battle when he sees one.

He offers you his hand to help you stand back up, but you wave him off and pull yourself up using the edge of the island. You take a moment to readjust your dress before making your way to the sink by the big windows that look out into the backyard.

“Speaking of Bob, do you know if he’s bringing his fiancée?” you ask from over your shoulder as you wash your hands.

“Not this time, sweetheart. I guess she volunteered to cover a shift in the NICU when she heard they were short staffed.”

“Oh that’s too bad, I was excited to see her ring in person,” you say drying off your hands and heading to the pantry.

“It’s all he can talk about at work. I guess they’re thinking about a Spring wedding next year. They don’t want to wait too long to get married.”

“I’m so happy for them,” you say, digging around for a moment and then emerge with a stack of some sturdy plastic plates and set them on the last free spot on the countertop. “Don’t let me forget to make them up a couple plates that he can bring home for her, before Fanboy declares it time for ‘second dinner’ and eats all the yams like he did last year.”

“I won’t forget, promise,” he says fondly.

If you were facing him, he knows you’d probably tease him for the look on his face and just how gone he is for you.

You’ve always been so generous, it’s one of the things that he loves most about you.

You were always good about hustling him out of his well-earned money from is part time job scooping ice cream in high school, like with the fundraiser you did for the local soup kitchen and the one for the elementary school summer arts program.

He’s always been wrapped around your finger, it just took him awhile to realize why.

It’s the same reason why there’s been a donation that comes out of his bank account every month for the last five years for one of the San Diego animal shelters.

Bradley had made a rather sizable donation and then set up a smaller reoccurring monthly one after the chaos that was the time Bob had set you up with his friend who worked at the shelter, back before the two of you had gotten together.

Even after all these years, he still can’t help but get a little irritated every time he sees that guy’s face in the monthly newsletter that comes to his email. He’s pretty sure Casey still might have a little crush on you, but Bradley can’t blame him. He’d have a hard time getting over you too, so it’s a good thing he’ll never have to.

On newsletter day, Bradley always finds himself giving Duck extra treats.

You are his wife. And Duck is his dog. Ridiculous name and all.

He couldn’t wait to surprise you with the golden tennis ball that the shelter sends out as a thank you after a decade of donations.

Only five more years to go.

You’re over by the bar that’s been set up off to the side, straightening the already very straight rows of gleaming wine glasses when he hears you suck in a sharp gasp.

Bradley drops the dish cloth he had in his hands as he attempted to give what little counter space there was left a final wipe down and is in front of you in half a heartbeat. Was there a fluke with some faulty stemware? Are you bleeding? There’s a reason Thanksgiving is one of the busiest days at the hospital.

“The butter!” you cry out as you whirl around, your pretty eyes welling up with tears, “I let you fuck me and I forgot to pull the butter from the fridge. It’s going to be too hard for people to spread now!”

He knows it’s more than just hosting jitters that’s got you like this, but it still catches him by surprise sometimes.

“Woah, woah,” he says as he catches you on the way to the fridge and pulls you to his chest, “C’mere, my sweet girl.”

You make a distressed noise but allow him to keep his hold on you, “But the butter…”

“I already pulled the butter, see?” He points to the sticks that are already softening away on the counter. “This place looks and smells amazing. We did good, baby. Will you take a couple slow breaths for me, please?”

Bradley takes in a couple measured breathes with you, and feels the moment your body relaxes into his.

He presses a kiss to the side of your temple as he smooths his hands down your soft, pretty green velvet dress and the warm, firm curve of your rounded stomach soothingly.

“Ugh, I’m sorry. It’s the hormones,” you sigh, as you lean your head back against his shoulder.

He hums empathically as he sways gently side to side with you in his arms.

“I would like to go on the record saying that I like pregnancy hormones, especially the ones from earlier,” he jokes lightly.

“That makes one of us,” you say with a watery laugh, “Just wait until I am waking you up at 4 AM because I am craving something from a drive-thru that’s not open.”

“Mm, can’t wait,” he murmurs before dropping a few kisses along the soft line of your jaw.

Bradley still can’t believe he gets to be this lucky in life.

He doesn’t want to forget a single moment of this. With you, with his family.

“We did a really good job with this one,” he whispers into your ear, still stroking your stomach and enjoying this moment of calm with you.

“We really did, da--” Bradley groans and cuts you off with a kiss. He can feel the impish smile plastered on your lips as he kisses you. His favorite menace.

He knows you’re pretty sure it was the spontaneous hook up in the storage closet at the Hard Deck on the Fourth of July that’s responsible for the noticeable bump you’re sporting. Call him a romantic, but he likes to think it was that night in the Bronco overlooking the ocean when he’d taken the long way back home.   

You pull away all too soon for his liking to grab his left hand. He sees the flash of the two diamonds on your engagement ring, one from his mom and one from yours, as you take it and press it to a spot near your bellybutton.

The feeling of the fluttering under his palm will never get old. He’s not too proud to say he’d shed a tear or two the first time he’d felt it.

You hum in contentment, your finger lightly tracing over the shiny gold band of his wedding ring.

Bradley lets himself bask in this moment as the two of you stand there in the kitchen of your dream house.

There are a few pops from the wood in the fireplace, the refrigerator is humming away in the background, and he can just hear the sounds of a melodic piano from the playlist he queued up earlier playing over the speaker.

Of all the delicious scents that waft through the house, the smell the floral and musk notes in you perfume is still his favorite.

There are times in the soft quiet of night, usually when you are asleep and his mind won’t quite settle, that he sometimes thinks he was put on this Earth to hold you.

It’s the only reason he can think of that explains why you fit so perfectly against his body.

Why his palms can fit so perfectly over your rounded stomach.

Why it’s his hands that you have trusted to protect your heart.

And he’s still holding you in the warmth of the kitchen when he hears the front door open.

Bradley knows he’s going to have to play host soon and he just wants to keep you in his arms for just a little longer.

“Hey kids, I brought the turkey,” Mav calls out from the entry.

You spin in his arms, looking at him wide eyed and confused as you two exchange a look. He presses one last kiss to your cheek before letting you go.

“Thought you were going to bring the rolls, Mav,” Bradley calls out just in time to see him round the corner.

Pete stands there proudly grinning holding a few bags of bakery rolls in one hand and a turkey in the other.

The sound of your delighted laughter makes his heart swell in his chest as he takes in the sight.

“Cooper Mitchell Ford Bradshaw, you are without a doubt the cutest turkey I have ever seen,” you gush as you go to greet Mav with a warm hug and a kiss on his cheek. Your son’s chubby arms reaching out for you.

Mav has dressed your almost two-year-old son in a soft, plush turkey costume that is complete with tailfeathers and a beak. He’s clearly a fan of the outfit too because he is grinning widely, showing of the more of the baby teeth that have come in over the last few months.

Mav had swung by early this morning to take him off your hands to get ready for Daggersgiving without chasing an almost-toddler around. While it was nice to have some time just the two of you while you got the place in order and took care of the last-minute things, like that homemade cranberry sauce, but he’d missed not having his son around.

The sweet sound of Cooper’s giggles and your coos fill up the kitchen as he watches you pepper his face with kisses. You bounce him a little and do a little spin, making the little boy laugh even more. The two of you in your own little bubble.

“You doin’ ok over there, kid?” Mav asks. A soft, knowing grin on his face as he sets the rolls on the counter to pull him in for a hug.

The two men had made their way back to each other over the last few years, just another thing that Bradley was grateful for in his life. The man had always been his father in everything but name. That is until he’d seen the man who helped raised him hold his son for the first time.

“Yeah, Dad,” Bradley says, clearing his throat a bit, “Everything’s perfect.”

From there it’s a flurry of activity as people start to arrive.

Nat comes with her longtime girlfriend and the extra bottles of the fancy Napa wine she promised to bring. Only handing it over once he promised to give her the name of the contractor the two of you had worked with and the exact shade of green that was used on the lower cabinets during your kitchen renovation.

Payback and Fanboy and their wives show up wearing oversized turkey hats on their heads each carrying a bakery box of pie.

Bradley isn’t surprised when Duck ditches the attention that Coyote was giving him the second Bob shows up with the famous Floyd family scalloped potatoes. Bob has always been a sucker for a pair of puppy dog eyes.

And in between checking on people’s glasses, swapping out empty appetizer trays for fuller ones, and making sure Jake doesn’t tamper with his perfectly cooked turkey, he’s got his eyes trained on you.

There are no words for the pride and love that washes over him every time he looks over and sees you with his son propped up on your hip and the way your pretty dress stretches around your growing family.

He had missed this stage of your pregnancy when he was deployed and you were pregnant with Cooper. He was determined to savor every second of this one. Every butter related freak out and every late-night milkshake run.

Being in his house surrounded with all the people he loves, minus a couple who are here in spirit, isn’t something he could ever take for granted. It’s more blessings than he ever hoped to receive in this lifetime.

You look over your shoulder at him and everything about the way you’re looking at him is picture perfect.

Your smile sunshine gold and just for him as you hold his gaze for a moment as time ticks on around the two of you. You send him a little wink before turning back to Mav who has his phone held up for a FaceTime call with Penny and Amelia.

Bradley sees his son peek his head up from where it had been nestled into your neck. Cooper grins when he sees him, his tiny hand reaching out for his dad. For him.

As he makes his way over to the two of you with his heart full, he makes a mental note to ask Mav later where he got that costume. He’s already planning on running out tomorrow to see if they have any more in stock now that it seems they have a new Bradshaw tradition on their hands.

He’s going to have three little turkeys running around this time next year and he couldn’t wait.

Twins.

Bradley sometimes still couldn’t believe it. When the tech has announced that you were cooking not one, but two future Bradshaw’s, his heart had nearly burst from his chest from the shock and joy. A gift from his late father’s side of the family.

Cooper and him were going to be outnumbered soon.

The two of you had found out earlier in the month that Everly Wren Bradshaw and Millie Lark Bradshaw were going to be the newest members to join your little family.

His girls.

It was an announcement the two of you were excited to share later tonight with everyone else when the slices of pies were being passed around.

He scoops up Cooper from you with one arm, dropping a kiss onto his little boy’s perfect curls as his small fist clutches as the soft fabric of his shirt. And then Bradley kisses the crown of your head as he wraps his other arm around you, his thumb stroking the swell of your belly.

With you- because of you- he gets to have it all.

The wife. The family. The house. The dog. The life. The dream.

He’s right where he wants to be.

He’s right where he’s supposed to be.

Happy Thanksgiving! This was such a joy to write, thank you for reading!

It might not be Carole Bradshaw's famous pie, but it's one of my favorites! And who better to share it with than you! Cranberry-Lime Pie

If you haven't read the 'Like I Can' series you can read it here!

You can read my other stories here!

Taglist:

@gretagerwigsmuse @sehnsuchts-trunken @notroosterbradshaw @tongue-like-a-razor @laracrofted @bradshawsbitch @starryeyedstories @top-hhun-main @startrekfangirl2233 @callsign-viper @teacupsandtopgun @shanimallina87 @angelbabyange @oneelleandaneye @mizzzpink @cornishkat @alana4610 @20th-centu-fairy-girl @pono-pura-vida @donttouchmycarrots @eg-dr3amer3 @whaledots-blog @a-beaverhausen @hangmanscoming @mandolin22 @theweekndhistorybook @lilpeekabooze @high-bi-imgonnacry @ahintofkiwistrawberry @ruewrote @spiderman-stilinski @jayniebop @my-soulmate-is-mycroft @imaginecrushes @keyrani @chicomonks @artemissunn @mayempress @eddiemunsonreader

[vavuska]

J. K. Rowling vs David Tennant: where is the truth and where the lies?

Probably everyone have read something about an unpopular opinion posted by J. K. Rowling on Twitter (cough, I mean X), where she decided to go after David Tennant. She claimed that during an interview Tennant was talking about whinging f**kers who need to just shut up. These whinging f**kers who he is referring to are women who’s rights are being oppressed, according to J. K. Rowling.

Unfortunately, Tennant didn't say anything against oppressed and abused women. Actually, Rowling is *again* pursuing her personal crusade claiming female-only = no trans-women. Tennant, after accepting an award, took the microphone and gave a speech about the state of LGBTQ+ rights in the UK, and the sad need for awards like the one he received (he was honored at the British LGBT Awards with Celebrity Ally award).

During the speech, Tennant also targeted UK Minister for Women and Equalities, Kemi Badenoch, who had previously said she would exclude trans-women from single-sex areas. Tennant said:

“I suppose if I’m honest I’m a little depressed by the fact that acknowledging that everyone has the right to be who they want to be and live their life how they want to live it as long as they’re not hurting anyone else should merit any kind of special or award or special mention because it’s common sense, isn’t it?” Tennant said in his speech. “It’s human decency. We shouldn’t live in a world where that is worth remarking on. However until we wake up and Kemi Badenoch doesn’t exist anymore — I don’t wish ill of her, I just wish her to shut up — whilst we do live in this world I am honoured to receive this.”

Tennant’s speech started a war of words with Badenoch, who later took to social media to say she would not shut up as the actor suggested. She went on to call Tennant “a rich, lefty, white male celebrity so blinded by ideology he can’t see the optics of attacking the only Black woman in government by calling publicly for my existence to end.”

Which, again, is a... Ehm... Lie, since Tennant didn't attack Minister Badenoch for her ethnicity or threatened her life. Tennant speech was critical of her position regarding trans rights and not her personal life. Tennant was calling out government bigots for their political opinions regarding social issues and not attacking anyone on personal basis and NEVER - NEVER said anything about institutional racism (which Minister Badenoch herself claimed it's not a problem in UK) and violence against women (both cis and trans) not being major problems.

In a separate red carpet interview on the awards ceremony, Tennant was asked to say something to the trans youth. He responded to don't feel judged or unloved, because transphobic politicians are just a little minority: “It's a tiny bunch of little whinging f**kers who are on the wrong side of history, and they’ll all go away soon.”

The whole interview is available under here and it's sweet and heartwarming:

As always, J. K. Rowling and conservative politicians are strumentalizing LGBTQ+ awareness contents to make the community and it's allies look like evil terrorists (“gender Taliban”) and therefore pursuing their anti-trans goals while also belittling abuse perpetrated on women in religious states and systemic racism. Since violence against women is overwhelmingly committed by cisgender men, why are the Tories blaming LGBTQ+ community and it's allies?

J. K. Rowling and Minister Badenoch demonstrated through their words, how danger narratives can be invoked not only to obscure (hetero) cis men’s violence and abuse against cis and trans women, but also justify violence against the whole LGBTQ + community in the holy name of (cis-hetero) women's safety. [Here my previous post about this]

[arcane-vagabond]

By Its Cover: Prologue

By Its Cover: Prologue

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Reader (Last Name: Sinclair)

Summary: The frivolity of high society has never much interested in you. You preferred to spend your time reading, something your sisters couldn't fathom as they spent their time shopping the latest dress styles. The youngest of five children and the fourth daughter, not much was expected of you. You knew you might be married one day, but you hoped beyond hope that it would be to someone that might understand your intellectual pursuits. You begin exchanging letters with a mysterious stranger, and what's more, your older brother's rakish best friend seems to find himself in your path more and more as the season goes on. What's a girl to do? (Regency!AU)

Content Warning: Historical inaccuracies, Regency period, Period related drama, Talks of judgement, Period typical sexism, Talks of marriage, Death of a parent, Talks of making a debut, Reader's feelings are hurt, light angst, some fluff. I think that's it, but let me know if I missed something!

Word Count: 1.6k

Series Masterlist || Moodboard

Winter gave way to spring as quickly as one rumor gave way to another. Public opinion changed as quickly as the seasons, as far as you were concerned. Your whole life was spent in the thralls of high society, your entire life scrutinized by the judgmental lords and ladies of the Island before you could even walk or talk.

You had earned your reputation as a rather odd girl fairly young not quite seven years. Where the other girls were interested in dolls and hair ribbons, you found yourself enraptured by the world around you. On more than one occasion, you received a tongue lashing from your nanny as you tracked mud through the house after one of your many excursions into the garden, your mother heaving a tired sigh as you argued the merits of fresh air and stimulating your endless supply of curiosity.

“My darling,” she’d say pointedly, giving you one of her signature looks that reeked of motherly disapproval and exasperation, “while I find the fresh air and time in the garden as stimulating as the next person, it is unbecoming of a lady, dearest.”

You had recounted the tale to your father later that evening, the older man sitting at his desk with his feet propped up on the top of the wooden surface as he thumbed through a page of one of his many novels.

“I just don’t understand, Papa,” you muttered, your hair hanging from where you sat upside down on the chaise. “Why can Will go about doing as he pleases while I am to be tied down by all of these ridiculous rules?”

Your father had merely chuckled, marking his page before setting his book down to look at you.

“My darling Bug,” he smiled, taking his feet down and opening his arms wide to you. “Come here.”

You obeyed, righting yourself on the couch before standing to walk over to him. Bug had been bestowed upon you as your moniker well before you could remember. Your father had said that you earned the nickname once you were old enough to crawl all over the place, getting into things that you most decidedly shouldn’t. Your siblings had said it was because you were a pest.

Your father grasped your upper arms gently, the smile on his face as affectionate as always.

“William doesn’t get to do as he pleases,” he explained, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as you pouted at him. “He will one day be lord earl of this estate, and as such he will take on many duties that will prevent him from doing a great deal of things. Indeed, he will take on many things that will see him as constrained as you.”

“I don’t believe you,” you grumbled, scowling up at him. Your father tilted his head back with a booming laugh, patting your head before placing a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“Nevermind all of that now, my little Lady Bug,” he hummed. “I’ve found a new story for you, would you like to read it?”

Your father was a fixture in your life, encouraging your love of learning perhaps more than he should have given the expectations set forth by society for you. Your mother saw no problem with your need for intellectual pursuits, but often grew exasperated at your clear lack of regard for decorum and stereotypical ladylike hobbies. Your elder sisters were the pinnacle of what proper ladies should look like in society, and you often found yourself being compared to them, much to your chagrin.

North Island, or the Island for short, was the nickname given to the group of nobles and upperclass that made up the elite, wealthy families that dictated the standards of polite society - the society you had the misfortune of being born into along with your elder siblings.

Your brother, William, was the pride of your family. He was a handsome, strong man that commanded the room with his very presence. He was jovial, charismatic, and intelligent by all accounts, and very popular amongst the other ladies of the Island.

Lydia was the second eldest after William, and was the the spitting image of your mother, with beautiful features that left all the men on the Island giving her longing looks. It was the Earl Reuben Fitch that won her hand in the end only seven seasons ago, and now they visited once in a while with their three children in tow.

Theodosia, or Theo for short, was the second eldest daughter, having entered into society only one year after Lydia, she was the prize to be won with her charming and elegant demeanor. Not quite as beautiful as Lydia, she made up for it with her wit, having won the affection of a viscount that same year.

Georgiana, or Georgie as your family was prone to call her, was only a year older than you and had made her debut the year prior. She had not settled for any of the men of the Island the year prior, setting her sights high and determining that the best had yet to come.

You rounded out the lot as the youngest, the strange, little sister that no one knew what to do with more often than not. The ladies of the Island often remarked that your head was too full of ideals, unsuitable for a lady of your noble family, and they lamented how your mother and father must have grown lax in their child rearing when it came to you. Or perhaps you were a hopeless cause. The reason varied day to day it seemed.

You were quite content with how your life was playing out. You had your books, the garden, and your dearest friend, Natasha Trace. Natasha, or Nat, was about a year older than yourself, having made her debut the same year as Georgiana.

“I’ll be happy once you make your debut,” she had said to you one night. “I won’t feel so alone at all the balls then.”

You had frowned at her words, the very thought of entering society growing less and less appealing by the day.

“Why must I debut?” You had asked your mother not too long after. “I’m the fourth daughter of an earl. Surely it is not that important that I marry.”

“Dearest,” your mother had sighed, setting her needlework down to look at you, “marriage is not all work. As the fourth daughter, you have more freedom to marry whom you would like. Your father would have wanted you to marry.”

“Father would have wanted me to do what made me happy,” you had muttered, turning to leave the room before she could respond.

Your father had passed years prior when you were only eight, and his memory still haunted the halls of the manner. William had taken up his title as earl, seeing to the estate with the help of your mother until he was capable of doing things on his own. Ten years your senior, he had done his best to fill in the holes your father’s absence had left behind, though he still needed reminding that he was, in fact, not your father.

“You’ll be making your debut this year,” he reminded you, scribbling away in the family ledger, casting you a spare glance as you scowled down at him.

“Please don’t make that face,” he sighed, setting his quill down to give you his undivided attention. “And please don’t make this more difficult than need be. Every young lady makes her debut at some point or another.”

“Why must I debut?” You frowned, your lips quickly forming into a smirk as a thought struck you. “Can I not live out my days on my own with you to support me?”

“You may not,” Williams replied flatly. “Bug, I know it can be nerve wrecking-”

“You have no idea what it’s like,” you interjected.

“But, it’s a part of growing up. You’ll find a husband who will make you reasonably happy and live out your days with him,” he finished. You scoffed, rolling your eyes as you clasped your hands together.

“William,” you began, “who would want me? The whole Island has deemed me strange, the black sheep of our family. You would really put me through this embarrassment for the sake of tradition?”

“I think you’ll find yourself surprised at who may want you,” William countered. “Many men on the Island are in need of a wife, and some may be willing to settle for someone of your nature given the right circumstances.”

A beat passed between you two, your heart stalling in your chest at his words.

“Settle?” You laughed quietly, but there was no humor to be found in your tone. “I am something to be settled for then?”

You hated how small you sounded in that moment. Of course, you didn’t care for what others thought of you. No, you were above all of that. Still, the thought that your brother saw you as some secondhand prize, something no one would seek out, hurt, and you willed the stinging tears behind your eyes to go away as you schooled your features.

William cursed under his breath, moving to stand, his face apologetic as he rounded the desk.

“Bug, that’s not what I meant-”

“No,” you snapped, sniffly slightly as you fought to compose yourself. “You’ve said quite enough already, brother. You’ve made perfectly clear where I stand as it is.”

He moved to say something, but you waved him off, already turning to leave the study.

“You’re busy,” you said flatly, “I’ll leave you to your business.”

William called out your name, but you ignored him, walking briskly down the hall and to the solace of your family’s library.

If you were something to be settled for, then you would at least make the most of what little freedom you had left.

A/N: Ahhhh!! The long awaited, much requested Regency!AU is finally here! Here's our first taste of Bug and Jake, so what do we think? As always, comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated. If you would like to receive updates on when I post, please go follow my sideblog (@arcanevagabond-library) and turn on post notifications! My work is cross posted on AO3 under the username sailor_aviator. Until next time!

[arcaneconfessions]

I’ll tell you why I dislike Caitlyn more than Ambessa or Silco, it’s because of the character’s subjective morality. By her own morals, Ambessa is doing what she thinks is right, her Noxian upbringing is a reason about why she feels so strongly about mages (they betray that war makes everyone equal hence they are a threat that must be taken out) and why she thinks softness is nothing but a weakness. Her worldview is shaped by the brutalities of war that she’s constantly exposed to (and engages in) which makes her this incredibly ruthless and cut throat character.

Silco is all about the “base violence necessary for change”, his convictions are shown when he invited Vander to join him DESPITE the brutal attempted drowning because he’s motivated by the “greater good”- for Zaun, he emerged a stronger resilient man after the violence done to him. He’s willing to give up shimmer and himself for the sake of Zaun’s freedom (but not Jinx). What I’m getting at is this: you can’t look at people’s actions in isolation because their environment shapes their morality and decisions, Ambessa because she was born in Noxus, Silco is like this because he was born in Zaun, I’m not justifying them but explaining how distorted their worldview is because of their environment, they don’t exist in a vacuum where they do evil things despite knowing better because it’s shown that they are trying to do good.

Cait is different because she was given everything from breathable air, to a safe place to sleep at night, food and even the ability to choose her own path regardless of her parents disapproval- the kids in Zaun are forced to work and steal to survive. HER PRIVILEGES ARENT HER FAULT AT ALL. In s1 we see that despite having it all, she wants things on her own merit and tries to help despite not needing to. She has an incredibly strong moral centre with deep conviction. Like Vi says “she believes what she’s saying” when she disagrees with Ekko saying that enforcers hunt them like animals and she even backs it up- ex reassessing her opinion of Zaun, willing to give up her rifle within that “dangerous place” to save Vi, embracing a shimmer addict (those branded monsters) simply because he was hurting, using her connections to help Vi etc.  She tells Ekko to give up the gemstone instead of using it to kill Silco because of the cycle of violence, and I believe her since she showed that she isn’t ignoring his pain but giving him better hopes than bloody revenge. 

S2 shows me i was wrong to like the sheltered, sorta prejudiced but kindhearted girl who always strives to be better because her morals are paper thin and just for show. She has direct knowledge of how bad the grey is because Cassandra documents it- shown in the hellfire music video and the fact that Viktor (her brother’s friend) is dying from it even years later. Yet she still uses it on the streets. Gas spreads obviously and chembarons use child labour in their factories (thanks Jayce)- there’s no way to stop third party effects of the grey. Imagine how bad it must be for Zaunites, who breathe in the air that even trees cannot survive in, immediately suffocate and tear up with their eyes turning red?  She controls their right to breathe and she immediately uses it against them, all the while calling them animals knowing the truth. 

She insists that she wouldn’t have missed her shot (ignoring the fact that she DID just miss her shot when she had a clear go at Jinx’s head and went for her middle finger AND that the hextech weapons were glitching out) and used that as justification for being prejudiced against Vi (“I keep telling myself you are different but you are not, it’s her blood in your veins”) and hitting her where she was stabbed- after taking a calming breath, leaving her and not even looking for her afterward. 

And again she ignores the fact that Isha would have been harmed either by being that close to an exploding head (which she knows because she tells Vi to get out the way) or being killed alongside Jinx because their heads were aligned- Vi was not wrong to call her out in the slightest. 

She knows the things she’s been told about Zaun are wrong, that they need healing and understanding rather than condemnation but so quickly switches back- using othering language and prejudice, literally calling them animals and Vi one of the good ones until Vi doesn’t do as she wants then saying that she’s no different. 

btw she has full right to hate jinx, not saying that she needs to be the bigger person (even if she says that to ekko) but there is NO justification for taking that out on Zaun knowing what she knows or Vi for telling the truth.

So yeah both Ambessa and Silco don’t have the luxury of a kind life, they were both shaped by the brutal realities of their environment and that turns them into brutal people. These guys are villains who do awful things, I hold them at different standards because 1) their role in the story and 2) at the very least they are doing what they think is best rather than knowing better and being evil despite it all. Caitlyn knows better, she has seen Zaun firsthand and has the luxury of having a good life and the ability to recognise that privilege and that allows for a stable moral compass and world view. Jinx is not justification for the grey on Zaun’s streets, or hitting Vi for telling the truth- she knows better and doesn’t care. Even then she gives up because she didn’t have the energy to hate herself for doing these things, not because she got her head out of her ass and saw the impact of what she’s doing. It’s to do with her emotions.

.

[maxybabyy]

winter warmers day 11: ugly sweaters

“I like your shirt,” Checo says and gestures to the bright green sweater Daniel is wearing. Fits the theme very well with how ugly it is. “’I come in peace’ ha! Is this about Liam? It is very funny.”

Daniel wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, then uses it to shove down the hem of his shirt. Looks down at himself like he also isn’t entirely sure. Checo’s only known for a week now, but he can imagine it may take a little longer to get used to, losing his seat to a kid who’s barely cut his teeth on a track yet.

But Daniel only shakes his head, the end of his mouth curling upwards.

“Nah, man. Max thought we should do couple’s sweaters this year,” he says and nods to the other group where Max is holding court. “Think maybe he was trying to be funny.”

“Ah,” Checo says and sips what’s left of his beer. Cracks another when the bottle empties. He doesn’t have a diet anymore, has nothing to do come next year. He can have another drink, celebrate what’s left of a decent season. “He pissed about Liam then?”   

They both turn to look at Liam, standing just a foot or two away from the circle but still somehow listening intently to Max’s joke. Checo knows best – after Daniel, maybe – how fun Max is to be around, the presence that he brings, always drawing you in until you’re 30 minutes deep in the merits of naming cats after Monaco clubs and at what point you should be allowed to break tradition.  

But usually at the end of the season, Checo tends to tone down Max-time, oversaturated with sim-racing updates, Max’s opinions on fruit in alcohol – passion fruit in gin, but not vodka – and FIFA rankings that he doesn’t need to look up, but somehow always just knows.

Daniel obviously never seems to reach the same limit – and for some reason, Liam doesn’t either.

“Nah, it’s not – they’re cool. Liam and Max, yeah?” Daniel says and sucks his teeth.

Checo mirrors him as they watch Liam throw his head back, lips spread wide in a grin. Max’s face lights up like it always does, and Checo thinks maybe he will miss this too. Across from Max, Oscar’s face remains passive, watching the pair with dark eyes even as Carlos leans in to whisper something in his ear.

“Hey, I’m sorry about the seat, if I haven’t said. Shit way to end it,” Daniel tells him and bumps their shoulders together.

The shock is short-lived. Checo really should have known Max would have let it slip, to Daniel at least. And maybe because it’s Daniel, it doesn’t hurt as much.

Later, Checo is talking to Carlos when suddenly he slaps a hand over Oscar’s face and yells out,” Ay, cabrón! There are children around.”

Checo turns to look at Max who is giving him the finger. Daniel is wrapped around him from behind, lips close enough to whisper in his ear but it’s nothing Checo has not seen in the paddock before. And then Lando joins in, “That’s fucking rank, mate. Didn’t even think about the eyes of poor Osc?”

“What’s this about?” Oscar huffs and tries to shake Carlos’ hands off him. He only gets them halfway, resting loosely by Oscar’s shoulders as he too stares at the couple. “Huh, yeah alright.”

Checo looks at Max with a frown, at the red knit sweater with the row of snowflakes and like, christmassy stuff at the bottom. And maybe the hem is a bit short, showing off a pale strip of Max’s stomach, but that’s about it.

Nothing but the word Peace written across the chest – perfectly fitting as a Christmas sweater.  

Inspired by this TikTok:

With this very bad edit:

[navstuffs]

Secret Admirer

Pairing: Leon Kennedy x GNLibrarian!Reader

Summary: It is fall, and Leon Kennedy has a secret admirer.

Warning tags:  ROOTH TOOTING FLUFF, college au, leon wears glasses, shy!reader&leon, leon self depreciates a bit

Author's Notes: hiii. though where i live fall doesn’t exist (i swear, we are all being cooked alive at this point), im happy to write something to welcome fall! dedicated to @sarahs-secrets2 whose birthday is tomorrow! happy birthday, my friend!! thank you for being such an amazing friend to me, you are the best!! also i won't lie, i might be working on a small drabble for a smutty second part (flannel shirts, all im saying). dividers by @firefly-graphics. images found on pinterest and edited on faceapp.

leon's masterlist

It all starts right at the beginning of fall.

Leon Kennedy never considered himself the type of guy someone could deeply fall in love with. In his own opinion, he has always been an average kind of guy. A little shy, with a pair of black glasses in front of his eyes since he couldn't see long or short distances.

Since entering college and breaking up with his first (and only) girlfriend, romance wasn't clearly in his plans. He had to focus on his studies to become a lawyer and pass the bar exam. Unlike his colleagues, who partied every Friday, Leon was busy with his head inside books—most of the time.

There is also another weighting factor: Leon had a merit-based scholarship. It is not something he would tell someone, but it meant he had worked his ass off to get there, prove himself to stay there every semester. He couldn't waste his time with anything, especially with romance.

Leon enters the already chilly Friday, his scarf close to his face. For some reason, fall had arrived earlier, and he couldn't be more grateful. The library is almost empty, except for a few students here and there. He goes to his usual spot, between two tall bookshelves, a seat at the very end, hidden from the rest of the world. Before he can get there, a smiling familiar face carrying a few books in their arms appears in his path: you, who worked in the library and was always ready to help students whenever needed.

"Back already?" You joke, whispering. Leon feels his blush spread, smiling back.

"You know me, can't stay away too long."

You giggle, seeming equally flustered. There is a moment of silence where you two stare at each other, saying nothing else. Then, you handle Leon one of the books from your arms.

"Here. This just arrived today. I hope it can be helpful."

Before Leon can answer, you leave, waving, without looking directly at his face. Leon walks to his usual spot, removes his jacket, and hangs on the chair before placing the book on the table. He sits, opens the first page, and finds a yellow post-it with something written on it. Leon then takes his glass case out of his backpack, changing his distance ones to the reading ones. Yeah, he was one of those blessed ones who couldn't see far away or close. There it was, written in blue ink:

"Hi! I hope I don't scare you by writing this, but I just wanted to let you know you are adorable!" 

Leon's eyebrows raise as he looks around. Most students in there have their heads on their books. You had given this book to him earlier, so maybe? No, Leon realizes. So many other students have probably read it before. Wait, but didn't you say the book just arrived today? Well, it could have been a donation, and someone left it there.

Without making much noise, Leon gets up to look for you behind your front desk. You seem focused but promptly raise your head when you see Leon coming.

"Hey. Something wrong?" Your face is blurred, and Leon suddenly realizes he didn't change into his long-distance glasses.

"Yeah. Someone left this note in the book. Just wanted to give you a heads up."

"Oh." Leon handles the book for you, and he can't quite figure out your expression due to the lack of proper glasses. "I guess it came with the donation."

"Yeah. Probably." You whisper back in a strange tone. Leon gives you a slight nod before returning to his usual spot. Well, that was odd, but he didn't have time to think much about it. He needed to remain focused anyway.

Next Friday comes, and the temperatures slowly start dropping, which comes with a relief to Leon. He hates the heat, despises how the Earth is warming up, and nobody seems to give a damn about it. The view to the campus Library looks so pretty now: straight out from a book, orange leaves on the floor, crunching as Leon walks over them. It was one of his favorite Autumn activities when he was a kid—that and carving pumpkins. The only problem with the sudden chilly weather was his glasses getting fogged, but hey, it seemed like a fair trade.

He arrives near the library's building, finding you outside. You are wearing a deep green sweater with some trees drawn on it. On the top of your head, a cute black hat protects your ears. Leon can't help but smile when he notices you rub your hands and arms.

"It is not even that cold yet." Leon teases as he gets close. You look back at him, startled but happy to see him.

"Says the one with the heavy jacket and a scarf!"

"Hey!" Leon complains, pretending to be insulted. "At least this is better than the heat we had before, right?"

"Yeah."

Before Leon can walk in and leave you alone, he asks, his curiosity peaking.

"Hey, so what about that note from last week? Discovered where it was from?"

"Oh." You seem taken aback by his question before shrugging, "I don't know. I threw it away anyway. Nothing important."

Leon nods before waving and walking into the warmth of the library. It is as empty as last week, which Leon prefers. He goes to his usual spot, noticing the yellow post-it on top of his table. Leon rushes to grab it and read. It is written in the same blue ink as before.

"Just wanted to wish you a good week. I admire you from afar, hoping you achieve all your goals!"

Leon's first reaction is to look for you, show you the new note, and believe again this is a mistake. But then he ponders, his curiosity speaking louder. No, he isn't interested in romance, nor does he have time for it. But, if those notes are really, really meant for him, why? He isn't that special or someone who should have secret admirers. Leon has always been curious, so he places the note in his pocket.

In the weeks following, he ends up receiving more and more notes. They are on top of his desk, under the desk, near the wall, always visible so he can find them. And since the first two ones, they have started to come signed with "Your Secret Admirer." It can't just be a coincidence at this point.

"You are doing amazing, and I hope you continue to do so! - Your secret admirer."

"I wish I could say how much I admire you to your adorable face! - Your secret admirer."

"It makes me so happy to see you pursuing your dream; it gives me the courage to pursue mine! - Your secret admirer."

"One of these days, I will gather the courage to invite you out, but until then, I keep thinking about you as I look at the stars."

Leon's suspicions are towards someone inside the library, of course. His first thought is you, but it simply can't be. You are too bright, too cute, too funny for him. Deep down, Leon wishes it was you; he might have harbored a tiny crush on you since the first time you helped him, but he knows it can't be. His other suspicions are the other people in the library, but he barely knows them, except for an eventual nod or "hello" here and there.

It is finally time for the first week of exams, and the library is getting crowded. Leon arrives earlier that Friday and, for a miracle, can find his spot empty and, sadly, no note this time. He tries not to concentrate on his disappointment, focusing on his studies when, in the corner of his eyes, he comes into the corridor. You look dressed for a freezing winter, rushing toward Leon with something in your hands. When you see him, you stop in your tracks, your eyes slightly going wide. Then you turn around, leaving in the other direction. 

Much later that night, Leon walks to the front desk. You look busy but still manage to give him a tired smile.

"Getting crazy over here, huh."

"Yeah. It is time for the tests, so people can go a little crazy." You explain, shrugging. You look anxious, but Leon presumes it relates to the agitated week. "Hey, do you mhm like pumpkin chocolate brownies?"

"Sure?" Leon's stomach grumbles as you pull out something from your drawer. He hadn't had something to eat since he came to the library three hours ago. Two small pumpkin chocolate brownies, probably from the candy shop near the campus. "Thanks, I haven't eaten anything today."

"Just don't eat here, okay?" You wink, smiling.

Leon holds them, staring at your table as you return your attention to your work. A pile of books is nearby and more on the other side of the table. His attention is drawn to a small yellow paper folded so many times. He gathers his courage and opens his mouth to finally ask you what he has been dying to ask you this whole time.

"Hey, is it you my—?"

"Excuse me, can you help me find this book?" A female student calls your attention, interrupting Leon. You didn't seem to have heard anything, Leon asked, excusing yourself to help the stressed lady. 

Leon watches his surroundings. He shouldn't think about that, but his body works faster than his mind. Leon grabs the yellow folded paper and runs away without looking back, his whole face red. Did he just steal something? 

When he is out of the library range, he stops near a street light and frantically opens the post-it, his hands shaking, not due to the cold. Could it be you? Could it be really you? Leon reads it once. Then twice.

"Hey, I know you have been studying so hard. Here, have some pumpkin chocolate brownies to sweeten your night and give you some luck for the tests!- Your Secret Admirer."

So, it is you. Leon re-reads the sentence over and over again, thinking of different possibilities. It could have been an accident, right? Someone else could have brownies for him, some other secret admirer. But so specific like that?

"Stop. You are overreacting." Leon whispers to himself, placing the note in his jacket pocket. He looks back towards the library, half of him demanding for him to go back in there and face you. Wasn't Leon that wanted to have been you this whole time? Keeping all the notes even though they might not be for him? Wasn't he even considering opening an exception for this rule just because of you?

Leon will make a decision. Not tonight, no. Tonight, he will enjoy the feeling of knowing you are his secret admirer. 

Two weeks pass, and you don't see Leon. You wonder where he is since the last time he almost caught you placing the brownies and the note on his desk. You should have known he would arrive earlier since Leon has been so responsible about his studies (something you admired about him). Not coming for two weeks? You wonder if he was sick. Or maybe Leon chose to study in his dorm since the library had been so crowded lately.

After helping an agitated first-year who couldn't find a Math book, you walk back to your table and find a Pumpkin bookmark there. You turn it around, finding a sentence in beautiful handwriting: "Some say Autumn isn't the season of love, but I disagree when I have Fallen for you. - Your Not-So-Secret-Admirer?"

You feel your cheeks heating up, immediately thinking about Leon and finding him right before you, his entire face red as a tomato. You open your mouth and close it, unsure what to say.

"Sorry. I hope that didn't scare you."

"N-no! You didn't!" You reply loud enough to get some "sshhh." You shut your mouth, looking apologetic towards Leon, who smiles.

"Would you like to go out with me? There is a harvest fair nearby, and I was wondering if we could..."

"I would love to." You rush to answer, whispering. "If I don't disturb your studies, of course."

"Nope, not a problem."

Some might say nothing grows during Autumn. The leaves fall as the plants prepare for another winter until spring gives them life again, and the cycle repeats. Well, some things can bloom during Autumn, as Leon Kennedy's smile to you is enough proof of that.