#and his ass is NOT qualified

[zombiiefactory]

TREE FRIEND HEADCANONS BUH

im rlly bored so dropping like ages/jobs/prns & whatnot for funsies loll

giggles

- 25 years old + she/her lesbian

- works as the waitress at russell’s diner, also sells her homemade baked goods there

- wants to study for nursing

- engaged to petunia

cuddles

- 24 years old + he/they nonbinary homosexual

- town mailman (mailbunny lol)

- dating toothy

toothy

- 22 years old + he/him asexual bisexual

- local grocery store cashier/manager

- dating cuddles

petunia

- 25 years old + she/her trans [ mtf ] pansexual

- owns her own boutique

- engaged to giggles

nutty

- 28 years old + he/it greysexual bisexual

- stocker/general associate at same local grocery store with toothy

- adhd

- dating sniffles

sniffles

- 30 years old + he/him trans [ ftm ] homosexual

- is a scientist/inventor but also serves as emergency medical against his will

- autistic

- dating nutty

shifty

- 28 years old + he/him heterosexual

- con-artist/scammer as well as thief

- adhd

lifty

- 28 years old + he/him homosexual

- con-artist/scammer as well as thief

- adhd

- incredibly closeted trans girl

- dating mime

truffles

- 27 years old + he/him heterosexual

- fisherman who sells catch to russell, captain of his own ship

- lives out of town

lammy

- 23 years old + she/her bi-curious

- unemployed but currently attending college

- lives out of town

mime

- 26 years old + he/they/it nonbinary pansexual

- street performer/for-hire party entertainer

- autistic

- dating lifty

pop

- 47 years old + he/him homosexual [ recently out of the closet ]

- stay-at-home-father during the day, works at russell’s diner at night as a bartender

- undiagnosed autistic

- married to disco bear

cub

- 1 1/2 years old + he/him

- undiagnosed autistic

flippy

- 49 years old + he/him bisexual

- used to be retired but went stir crazy, now works as librarian/book club organizer alongside flaky, babysitter at night for pop + cub

disco bear

- 52 years old + he/him homosexual

- flashy hairdresser (or furdresser in this case)

flaky

- 38 years old + they/she nonbinary [ amab ] demiromantic

- owner of their own flower shop,mostly sells what she grows themself, also book club organizer alongside flippy

handy

- 33 years old + he/him heterosexual [ closeted homosexual ]

- handyman idk what else id expect him to be lmao

russell

- 45 years old + he/him bisexual depending on the day

- chef/owner of his own diner, slowed down on the seas due to bodily stress

lumpy

- 48 years old + he/him lumpy

- farmer for the town/main produce exporter, seems to also work in every other odd spot hes not supposed to for no reason

- lumpy

the mole ( mr. mole )

- 73 years old + he/him ??? [ wont tell you ]

- ex-spy currently retired, likes to take up random jobs for fun even if incredibly unqualified

- can speak chooses not too

more relationship stuff under the cut cause this is already long enough lol

giggles, cuddles, petunia, & toothy have been best friends since early childhood and are mostly all seen together. most residents deem them the “four horsemen of the apocalypse”

giggles & cuddles dated for a bit in their teenage years before mutually breaking it off realizing they werent attracted to the opposite sex

giggles proposed to petunia !!

mime & nutty are best friends, they met as young kids in school and instantly clicked. they have a bit of a gap in their friendship due to nuttys disappearance but are now back together and inseparable !

nutty was the only one to know about mimes secret admiration for lifty and set them up together

toothy, nutty, & lifty all play video games together over voice-chat whenever theyre free

flaky & nutty are each others sibling figure stemming from them being neighbors during youth. they see him as the younger brother they never had and he sees them as the older sibling he never had

all the younger residents ( mostly the four horsemen ) all see pop as a father figure. he watched them all grow up and hes their metaphorically adopted dad being completely comfortable to go to him any time they need any sort of help

giggles & russell have a very close relationship, seeing each other nearly every single day of the year. he sees her to be the daughter he never had and enjoys the moments where they get to just talk. even if he doesnt have the proper words at the time

pop & flippy are cousins but treated each other like close brothers before flippy left for the military. their relationship was rocky after his return 25 years later but theyre doing a great job at patching it up

flippy & flaky attempted to “date” for a bit but neither were ready for romance. they pushed the mushy stuff out of the way and are much much happier being best friends. they couldnt imagine a life without each other in it but cant seem to put their fingers on the fact theyre soulmates

russell & handy act like an old married couple they seem to be best buds having a laugh and a beer together one minute but then argue over nothing the next. still incredibly good friends though

lumpy is everyones friend !! even if a scatterbrain, his heart is filled to the brim with love and gets along with every resident he meets

pop & disco have had feelings for each other for decades. each others first love but pop wasnt ready to accept his attraction to men due to his upbringing. he hid himself and married a woman, started a family, pretended to feel happy. his wife unfortunately passed in a tragic accident but fortunately disco was there to comfort pop after the loss. pop at this age decided it was safe to not hide anymore and accepted his love for disco. theyve been married for a few months now

nutty had a love at first sight spark for sniffles after meeting the newly moved in anteater. flaky & mime helped nutty get closer to sniff as he was well too nervous to do so itself

truffles & russell have been buds since truff demanded russ to take him out on the sea and be apart of the crew as a young kid. russell admired the little pigs tough spirit not afraid of a pirate waving a weapon in his face after the rude order and decided to take him up on this letting him sail the seas. he was a good man for just a little thing being quickly taken up under the pirate wing. truffles grew on that ship to become the captains first mate even so much so when russell decided that it was maybe time for him to start thinking about taking a break, he offered the ship to truffles to be the new captain but he declined. a captain should always go down with his lady and russell admired this thought. even if the two dont see each other much anymore with truff being out on the waters, every time he comes back to the dock russell is waiting with big open arms

shifty does not have many friends unlike lifty. hes a small bit jealous of his brother over this. lifty is growing and managing his childhood trauma slowly putting himself together healing from the past while shifty revels having difficulties accepting what happened

lumpy, handy, & russell love hanging out ! lumpy seems to be the glue that keep handy and russell from bickering

pop, flippy, & disco all also love hanging out having laughs and beers together

sniffles isnt great at making friends rather putting his studies above socializing but bonds with toothy over their shared admiration for splendid/nerdy media

flippy & flaky met while flaky was employed as the librarian. flippy thought they were cute but was too anxious/not mentally ready to take that step. pop coaxed flippy into talking to her where they clicked almost immediately. flippy became assistant librarian before taking over with flakys departure

mime is the only one lifty is comfortable enough to be out to. mime buys her gender affirming clothes/does her makeup, they love their princess !!

the four horsemen beg pop to babysit cub as they adore him! but only the girls actually take care of him, cuddles & toothy have more fun teaching him naughty words. they got caught once when cub repeated something and were suspended from watching him

flippy had a secret fling with disco bear years ago

sniffles & handy get along when they want to. handy does admire sniffles abilities but will come over about once a week to nag the anteater about inventing some mechanical arms. sniffles stated he can’t and if he could’ve, he would. handy never takes this for an answer and will be back next week

shifty has had a massive crush on petunia for ages that never goes away, meanwhile lifty is secretly incredibly jealous of her. both avoid her

mr. mole once moved in with handy for a bit as his home collapsed in. handy offered the extra bed and mole took it graciously. turns out, they both have a lot more in common than they thought and became good friends. mr. moles home was renovated allowing him to move back but still stayed in contact with the beaver. they still take roadtrips every now and then just to bond

flippy was unfortunately not invited to pop and his ladys wedding. specifically being banned from attending by her. after the incident, she wanted nothing to do with him. fortunately though, pop and flippy were closer this time and flippy was asked to be best man at he and discos wedding. flippy never agreed to anything faster, it was a great honor

[martianbugsbunny]

BITCH they had a WHOLE LOTTA NERVE to SPECIFICALLY HAVE STEVE SAY "bro, it's hard to date when nobody has shared life experience with u"

......IN THE MOVIE WHERE THE GUY WITH SO MANY SHARED LIFE EXPERIENCES SHOWS THE FUCK BACK UP. THE GUY WHO LIVED IN 1940S NY WITH HIM. THE GUY WHO SERVED IN WW2 WITH HIM. THE GUY WHO GOT THE SUPERSOLDIER SERUM LIKE HE DID. THE GUY WHO MANAGED TO STILL BE ALIVE AND LIKE THIRTY IN THE 2000S JUST LIKE STEVE. WHAT WERE THEY THINKING. WHY WERE THEY SO STUPID

[bumblingbabooshka]

Janeway doesn't need a therapist when she gets back to the alpha quadrant she just needs Tuvok to tell her [in detail] the psychological observations he's made about her over the past 11 years and she can go from there <- Untrue but much more likely for her to agree to

[possamble]

if laios had a choice ala dragon age inquisition as to who handled what u kno hed be choosing marcille every time she utters the word "familiar" because hes there with his medieval gunpla toolset ready to help her shape them to their needs.

MEDIEVAL GUNPLA TOOLSET DHSJSJJDF

[russilton]

Every time an f1 graphic puts kimi A but not Fred vesti, last years vice champion, up as an option for the 2025 seat I lose a year of my life.

Popular F1 pages are so bland— come on guys you take money from the teams for paddock access the least you can do is the barest level of work rather than acting like the annoying table in the back of the pub who just parrot what someone else told them about a driver/player rather than do their own research

It’s a bit silly Fred’s floated so little considering Merc chose to make him a full time reserve alongside mick, rather than drop him. They literally kept him to help to develop the car— he deserves a lazy mention at least

This is not kimi slander- he’s a child. Official pages treating him like he’s god is how we’re gonna get another max verstappen

[rubixcuby]

The things I wanna do to this man…

[ketchupkio]

What if the boys wore shirts that people have posted on discord,,,,, 🤔

Minors DNI, thank u ❤️ Characters are from @ageless-soul-au, pls don't tag other AUs

[izzyspussy]

deeply unproductive therapy visit today lads

[shivvroys]

i know this has been done already but since u reblogged a post about it i would absolutely kill for your take on if karolina found shiv scheduling her grief instead of tom 🙏

first off, thank you so much for the ask, and sorry for the long long wait!!

secondly, i've cheated a bit - this was supposed to be a part of the fic that i'm currently writing, but i've had to cut it. I'm really fond of it, though, so I hope you like it :)

it's a much milder take than i'd envisioned, and in the context of an established relationship i definitely would've made it angstier, but i think it fits somewhat close to canon

read below <3

'Indulged child' — seven letters, starts with an S or the healing properties of the NYT Games app

Karolina steps into the meeting room, tension already melting off her shoulders, and almost trips on the poorly installed carpeting when she spots Siobhan sitting at the end of the conference table. Her head is bowed, cradled between her hands, so Karolina can’t see her face.

“Oh, sorry.” she blinks, stopping a few feet away from the table. “I didn’t know you had the room booked.”

Karolina watches as Shiv turns her head, attempting to cover the fact that she’d been crying. She wipes hurriedly at her nose, and only meets Karolina’s eyes after she’s composed herself.

“It’s fine.” she shrugs. “I’m done anyway.”

Then, Shiv rises from her chair quickly and begins clearing her things off the table before Karolina has the chance to say anything. She hasn’t brought many things: some pens, a notebook that’s been opened on a blank page, a pack of tissues, Shiv’s tablet—just enough knick-knacks to make it seem like she’d been working. Shiv’s back is turned to Karolina so she can’t see all of the table, but she knows it couldn’t take more than a few seconds to gather everything.

Still, she stays silent, watching the lines of Shiv’s shoulders like landmines, like birds about to take flight. As if reminding herself of their existence—and reminding herself to control them, she pulls her hands closer to herself.

“Are you—”

“I’m good.” Shiv cuts her off. She finally turns to face Karolina, her things now stacked on top of each other in her hands. “It’s all yours.” she nods towards the table.

Karolina takes a tentative step forward as Shiv starts making her way out of the room. As she approaches the table, she spots Shiv’s phone lying face down. She sets her things on the table, before turning to Shiv.

“Oh, Shiv, I think you forgot—”

As she calls out, the phone begins ringing. She picks it up, turning it around to see the timer notification flashing on the screen.

“Were you meditating?” she frowns, cracking a smile.

She reaches to hand Shiv the phone, pretending not to see the tiny trail of blood pooling at the base of her thumb nail.

“No.” Shiv swallows. A beat. “Crying, actually, yeah.”

She clears her throat, tilting her head as if challenging Karolina to say anything. To throw a punch.

“I—I’m so sorry, Shiv.” Karolina blinks, barely croaking the words out. “I’ll let you—”

“It’s fucking fine, Karolina.” Shiv snaps. “Take the goddamn room. I’m done.”

Her eyes are red-rimmed, and the hand she’s raised to silence Karolina is just shy of shaking.

“I’m just hiding out from Kendall.” Karolina sighs, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “He keeps asking me for feedback on his pitch but all it is, is just—buzzwords.”

She catches the faintest smile flash across Shiv’s face, which spurs her on.

“Dynamic. Innovation. Convergence.” she coos, raising her brows and shaking her hands in front of herself like an old-timey snake-oil seller.

That gets a full-fledged chuckle out of Shiv, and when Karolina drops her hands and sets her face into a familiar scowl it erupts into real laughter. She lets Shiv enjoy this brief reprieve, before gesturing to the room.

“So please, take the room. I have my assistant blocking it as important, so it’s yours for the next hour. I can hide out someplace else.”

She doesn’t give Shiv a chance to refuse, grabbing her things and turning to leave before Shiv takes a step forwards, blocking her way.

“I’m not going to sit here and cry for an entire fucking hour.” Shiv scowls, shaking her head. Then, she nods towards Karolina’s bag and the laptop peeking out of it. “What were you gonna do while you were hiding?”

“Catch up on work, probably, I don’t know.” Karolina pulls her lips into a tight line. “Maybe a crossword?”

“Crossword?” Shiv raises a brow. She looks Karolina up and down, frowning. “How old are you, again?”

“Right, sorry—” Karolina sucks her teeth, raising a pointed brow. “I assume the last puzzle you were able to solve came on the back of a cereal box?”

“Well, yeah, because after that I got real hobbies.” Shiv shakes her head, her grinning. “What, d’you play those hidden object games, too? Look for tiny fucking keys in those weird drawings?”

Karolina looks down as her cheeks start burning. Shiv catches it, and bursts into laughter.

“Oh my god. Karolina, no.”

A part of her wants to believe she’s only doing it for Siobhan’s sake. That she’s humoring the other woman as an act of kindness—some version of an apology for not extending any kind of support after Logan’s death. But she’s apologized enough times in her life to know one rarely finds delight in the act of apology, so when her eyes meet Shiv’s and she lets her lips turn up into a smile, Karolina knows the real reason she hasn’t left the room already is much simpler—she doesn’t want to.

“What hobby should I pick up, then, Siobhan?”

“God, there’s so many.” Shiv’s cheeks puff out. “Let’s see…”

She starts listing what Karolina guesses are her ideas of a pensioner’s hobbies: gardening, knitting, pickling, making jams—getting all the way down to walking around parks and standing all still and creepy to watch pigeons.

With each finger she uses to enumerate, Shiv’s grin widens. Karolina nods her along, pretending to be impressed until Shiv runs out of ideas.

“Or just volunteer at an elderly home.” she shrugs. “I’m sure the ladies would love to have you over for canasta.”

“Mhm.” Karolina nods, pursing her lips. “I’ll think about it.”

They sit in silence for a brief moment, neither making a first step.

“So, uh, can I see one?” Shiv finally asks.

“See what?”

“One of your crosswords, nerd.” she chuckles.

“Oh.” Karolina blinks. “I mean—really, Shiv, I can let you be—” she points to the door.

“Well, I don’t feel like crying anymore.” Shiv clears her throat, cutting her off. “And I don’t feel like going back out there yet, so… Unless you’re, you know, very private about your… crosswords.”

Karolina rolls her eyes. As she turns around to rummage through her bag for her tablet, Shiv steps closer until she’s right behind Karolina. When she leans forward to put her own things back on the table her arm brushes against Karolina’s. From up close, Karolina can distinguish each thin trail of blood wrapped around the irises of her eyes, and the blue shadows creeping up from under her concealer.

In the months after her own father’s passing, Karolina remembers going through them like candies.

Each week, she would reach into the bottom of her bag and pull up crumpled up receipts for concealer, whiskey, and the occasional lottery ticket—her dad’s guilty pleasure.

She used the same numbers each time, just like he'd taught her: each of their birthdays, twenty-eight, and eleven.

On the last ticket she bought, she put down the date of his death: seventeen, three, twenty, eight, then twenty-eight, and eleven.

It won her $10 that she never bothered to cash in.

So, she knows what it’s like—the make-up, the perfectly timed crying breaks, the split ends, the furrowed brows. The way it would hit (and still does, sometimes, on rainy days) so suddenly it would leave her breathless, like something had dislodged itself within her chest and all day long she’d have go on with her business as if that horrible rattling wasn’t ringing in her ears and reverberating inside her entire body like a war drum.

Karolina knows what Shiv is going through, but she also knows that grief is like a fingerprint. That it belongs so intimately to the person going through it. Defined by the very matter of their being, and from the moment it has formed—defining them in return.

So she doesn’t offer an apology, or a hug or, worse, advice. Instead, she sits down and waits for Shiv to do the same. When she does, Karolina turns on her tablet and opens the crossword app with her upturned hand stretched out towards Shiv, palm open and fingerprints exposed.

Then, Karolina begins explaining the basic rules of crosswords.

[batsplat]

Catalunya 2008: The switch to the lighter 800cc bikes was generally expected to benefit Dani Pedrosa, who headed into his second season in the premier class with sky high expectations after already being an outside title contender for most of his rookie campaign. The perception that Honda had built a bike to Pedrosa's liking, rather than that of his world champion teammate Nicky Hayden, was a matter of no little controversy - but ultimately Honda's bike did not have enough power for either rider to keep up with runaway 2007 champion Ducati's Casey Stoner. Pedrosa did manage to snag an unlikely second place in the championship off Valentino Rossi at the very last race of the season, when Pedrosa's victory and Rossi's mechanical DNF gave the position to Pedrosa by a single point. His unusual choice to claim the number two plate the following year led to paddock speculation about whether he had done so to rub the championship standings in Rossi's face. More importantly, Honda opted to stick with the Michelin tyres that had been so thoroughly outshone by Stoner's Bridgestones that year, standing in contrast to Rossi's contentious switch away from the Michelins.

Pedrosa started 2008 well and was the only rider to make it to the podium in each of the first four races of the year. His early season was defined by his conflict with old enemy Jorge Lorenzo, who had felt slighted by Pedrosa not shaking his hand at the very first race of the year at Qatar. Pedrosa was clearly less than thrilled to finish behind Lorenzo upon the latter's debut in the premier class - and Lorenzo responded by criticising Pedrosa for the perceived lack of graciousness in the press. It made the stakes of their home race in Jerez all the higher, with Lorenzo securing his second straight pole before Pedrosa claimed a convincing victory on Sunday. When the Spanish king badgered the pair of them into shaking hands, Pedrosa could hardly have looked less enthusiastic. The hostilities continued into the third round at Estoril, with Lorenzo once again securing pole and this time a victory along with it, and Pedrosa once again looking aggrieved at having to exist in a ten mile radius of his compatriot. After that, however, Lorenzo's season quickly fell apart, with a series of dramatic crashes sabotaging both his body and his confidence. In the end, Pedrosa's title rivals were to be the same pair as in the year before.

After holding the championship lead early on, Pedrosa was forced to relinquish it to Rossi when the latter went on a three race win streak. Pedrosa lost a close contest for second to Stoner in Mugello, with Rossi beating both of them at his beloved home race - but now it was time for MotoGP to return to Pedrosa's turf. Qualifying in P2 with Stoner on pole, Pedrosa got one of his typically perfect launches off the line to lead Stoner from the start, while the in-form Rossi would have a lot of work to do from ninth on the grid. Stoner attempted to put pressure on Pedrosa early on, but a lap one error followed by getting embroiled in a lengthy tussle with Andrea Dovizioso allowed Pedrosa to put some critical daylight between himself and the chasing pack. Soon enough, Rossi caught up to Stoner - and the two of them took turns to let the other attempt to drag them closer to Pedrosa. Eventually they realised it was futile, having to instead contend themselves to hashing out second place between the pair of them. It was a repeat of the ferocious battle of the year before, which back then had involved all three top riders. In 2007, Stoner had emerged on top ahead of Rossi followed by Pedrosa - this time, Rossi bested Stoner, though well behind Pedrosa's dominant display out front. Before heading off to Donington, it was time for a post-race test, with Ducati hoping to finally fix some of their issues this season. If they managed to do so, they might still be able to provide Stoner with the tools he needed to enact a repeat of the crushing dominance of the previous year.

[aruccchin]

fernando’s 3rd sector was so bad in q3— for a moment i can imagine lewis grinning hard when fer was behind him;

“if im not infront, then u also are not old man” HAHDHSHAAHAHAHHAHAHA 😭😭😭

[bellamygate]

why didn't anyone tell me jimmy is a literal doctor imagine ur surgeon doing bl on the side what even

[mixelation]

there's a post on my dash discussing who the most "competent" character in a fandom is, and some of the qualifiers for what makes someone "competent" made me raise my eyebrows..... so i'll ask:

what qualities do you think make a fictional character "competent"?

[soupnoodle]

j&w swap!au is the funniest thing ever and you are ready for this conversation

[hetareia]

That Hetalia Land of The Lustrous au has now infected me. Here's a Hong Kong who's fated to be Cinnabar.

[tiredassmage]

“Confirmation?”

“Legate.”

Yavin IV double agent special scene my beloved, my everything