#Tuvok: A moment. Where were you sitting?

[bumblingbabooshka]

Janeway doesn't need a therapist when she gets back to the alpha quadrant she just needs Tuvok to tell her [in detail] the psychological observations he's made about her over the past 11 years and she can go from there <- Untrue but much more likely for her to agree to

[jone-slugger]

Day 3 of @voyagerweek, the prompt was "Favorite Relationship" and, although I also like J7, I am mostly a J/C shipper. If you want, you can read it on AO3.

Love Confessions

Out of all the moments they had experienced over the years in which it would have been natural, it was almost ironic that the love confession happened then. At a completely innocuous moment, during a busy day on the bridge, as if he were simply talking about how the day was going— as if he hadn’t rocked her world with his statement.

“Spirits, I love you so much”.

The words echoed in her mind over and over again. Had she heard him correctly? Had he just confessed his love for her in front of all the bridge crew?

His words were a response to a joke Kathryn had made. Chakotay had laughed and then uttered them. I love you so much. Not I love your sense of humor. Not I love how you make me laugh. He had said he loved her.

She could see how Tom turned around from his post at the helm, as if to confirm he had heard the same thing she had. On his station, Tuvok had raised an eyebrow, probably finding it an inappropriate topic of conversation during working hours. Kathryn couldn’t see Harry from where she was sitting without completely moving her head, but she imagined he might be just as tickled by the words as Tom was.

Her eyes had widened in shock, and she had frozen in place. For a second, she had almost forgotten how to breathe.

What was one supposed to say to follow such a statement?

She had pictured those words uttered in many other situations. They had dinner together twice a week! They had gone to the holodeck in private, sometimes to quite romantic settings—drinking champagne in Lake George, came to her mind. They had intimate conversations in her ready room. They discussed literature and poetry in her quarters.

In any of those instances she had prepared herself to hear the confession—or to be the one confessing it. She knew the feelings were there, after all. The story about the warrior on New Earth had made it quite clear; and she just knew Chakotay hadn’t changed his mind about her.

But now those words, uttered as a Freudian slip, had caught her unawares.

She cleared her throat, and suddenly felt the blush heating her cheeks, going all the way down to her neck.

It was at that moment that Chakotay realized what he had said. His eyes widened just like hers, and he almost choked on his own saliva.

“I’m sorry, I…” he began apologizing. ��I didn’t mean…”

And yet, she knew he did.

“Chakotay, it’s okay.” She wanted to lessen some of the embarrassment of the moment for him.

Perhaps she should tell him to follow her to her ready room, to have the discussion in private. Perhaps she should simply let it slide, do as if nothing had been said, as if everything was just as it ever was between them.

But something inside clicked, and she couldn’t stop herself before she said:

“I love you too”.

Now the gasps from the rest of the bridge crew were clearly audible.

It was Chakotay’s turn to clear his throat. A blush covered his face as well.

What a pair of idiots.

Kathryn tried to smile, to break the impasse they had reached. To show him she meant the words, and it was all fine with her.

He nodded in silence, unable to say anything else.

From the corner of her eye, she could see Tom’s wide smile. After ten seconds passed in silence, the helmsman couldn’t contain himself and started clapping. Applauds followed from all over the bridge with the exception of Tuvok, whose eyebrow had raised a few more centimeters.

Both Chakotay and herself started blushing furiously at the sudden display of emotion and acceptance from the crew.

“I think a kiss is warranted, Captain”, Tom dared tell her.

She shot him an icy stare of fake annoyance.

But when she turned her head towards Chakotay, he had leaned towards her, and the kiss was just a little less unexpected than the love confession. It was warm and welcoming, passionate. He tasted amazing, and their tongues moved together in unison, as if they had kissed a thousand times before.

The bridge crew was cheering and applauding now, completely enthralled by what they were seeing.

When their faces separated, Kathryn laughed good-humoredly. Chakotay’s smile was wide and satisfied.

“I think we can get back to business”, Kathryn said. “Let’s investigate the nebula we saw earlier, so Mr. Kim can have the readings he wanted.” A couple of “aye Captain” followed her words, and she leaned close to Chakotay, to whisper into his ear: “I’ll see you for dinner tonight. I think there are some things we need to…discuss”.

“Aye, Captain”.

[stitching-in-time]

Voyager rewatch s6 ep15: Tsunkatse

I primarily remember this one as 'the one with The Rock', but actually, there were a lot of good things here that I'd forgotten. It's a better episode than I remembered it being.

Most glaringly, I totally forgot that Jeffrey Combs and J.G. Hertzler were both in it. It's like a DS9 mini-reunion! I'm kind of surprised they cast them in a Voyager episode so soon after DS9 ended, but I guess the rules about how soon you can reuse actors for different roles don't apply if it's not the same show. And anyway, no matter how long they waited, Trek fans would recognize their voices under any makeup. But the characters they play here are actually a lot like Weyoun and Martok, a shyster and a warrior, respectively, once again.

In another case of The Voyager Crew Is So Freaking Bored, they all get obsessed with watching an alien martial art form called Tsunkatse while on shore leave. Everybody goes to these matches and gets into wagering about the outcomes, which feels like a weirdly un-Federation utopian future pastime for supposedly enlightened people. It feels unlikely for such a pack of nerds to suddenly be like 'hey let's bet on some prizefights! I love watching strangers beat eachother up!'. I guess six years out in space on the same ship, with the same people, doing the same job, might make them desperate for novelty, however coarse and backward, but it definitely feels like something they shoehorned into the show as a publicity stunt so they could have The Rock guest star. Still, it's kind of cute to see them all excited about something, and we get quite a bit of funny, silly character stuff in this one.

The only people who don't get caught up in Tsunkatse fever are Tuvok, Seven and the Doctor. The Doctor lectures anyone who will listen about how fighting shouldn't be a sport (one of the few times I wholeheartedly agree with him) and Seven and Tuvok take off in a shuttle to investigate a nebula to get away from the crew's new obsession. There's so many lovely little moments of the crew just going about their lives, acting like a normal family together, that weren't necessary plot wise, but which are wonderful additions that elevate the whole episode from average to good for me. Captain Janeway leaving instructions for Chakotay before she takes off on her away mission, like a nervous mom leaving instructions for a babysitter; Tom bothering Seven while she's packing for her trip wih Tuvok and telling her about B'Elanna's secret stuffed toy, Toby the Targ, that she brings with her whenever she goes on a long trip; the Doctor trying to get Seven to go to a museum with him instead of her 'boring' survey trip with Tuvok, and Seven getting rid of him by suggesting he come assist them instead, which sends him scurrying away; Harry, Tom, B'Elanna and Chakotaychatting about the upcoming Tsunkatse matches and their own sports history in the mess hall, and joking around with eachother- all of these scenes are just so cute and fun, and show off the characters comraderie, even if they don't directly serve the plot. I wish more episodes would take time to give us stuff like this.

We get another lovely scene with Seven and Tuvok in the shuttle, where the two of them bond over their mutual dislike of small talk. They find delight in sitting in companionable silence together for two hours, until a passing ship disables their shuttle, and beams an explosive aboard that they can't disarm. After it explodes, Seven and Tuvok wake up in a holding area, which we soon learn is where the Tsunkatse fighters are kept. They are being held captive by a man, Penk, who captures people to force them to fight in the matches, which makes him considerable profit. Tuvok is severely injured from the explosive, so Seven agrees to become a fighter in exchange for medical care for Tuvok. One of the other captive fighters is a Hirogen hunter, who takes Seven under his wing, and agrees to train her.

Seven is eventually pitted up against none other than Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, in a bit of stunt casting, since he was known as a pro-wrestler in those days- he's simply credited as 'The Rock' here. This was def one of his first, if not very first, acting jobs, so Star Trek kind of helped launch his acting career. It's a piece of Trek trivia you can use on people who've never seen the show to get them to watch!

The Voyager crew, who are watching the match in the stands, are shocked to see Seven fighting in the ring, up against an opponent twice her size, and they try to call out to her, but she can't hear them. They try to beam her out, but they find there's no one in the ring to lock onto, and the realize the fighters are holographic projections being broadcast from somewhere else. They go back to Voyager to try to find her, and call back Captain Janeway from her away mission.

Seven is defeated in the match, but seeing a Borg get beaten up drives up the viewership, so Penk decides that Seven's next match will be to the death, since people will surely turn out in droves to see a Borg get killed. (One wonders how the Voyager crew never realized that some of the matches are to the death- that definitely goes against Federation values! Did they really just luckily only happen to see the ones that weren't to the death? Because I simply can't believe that any Starfleet officer would knowingly cheer for a bloodsport.)

Seven doesn't want to kill anyone, but Tuvok tells her to do what it takes to survive, and her Hirogen trainer tries to teach her the ways of the hunter- to never sympathize with her prey. It's hard for Seven to go against everything she's been taught in the past few years of learning to be human, but she eventually decides to try to win the death match- only to be pitted against her own trainer, who has become her friend.

Meanwhile, the Voyager crew are on the tail of Penk's ship, and working to rescue Seven, having recieved no help from the planet's authorities, who turn a blind eye to the unsavory practices of the sport that makes them rich. With help from Captain Janeway in the Delta Flyer, they disable Penk's broadcast, and rescue Seven, Tuvok, and the Hirogen just seconds before the fight ends.

The Hirogen asks if Seven would have killed him if she had to, and Seven says she doesn't know. Nonetheless, the Hirogen is proud of Seven, and they part as friends before Voyager returns him to his people. Seven is disturbed by her fighter training, and feels confused and ashamed at having turned her back on her newfound human morals in order to survive. Tuvok, however, assures her that her guilt and unease about what she had to do proves that her human values are intact.

This one actually had some interesting commentary about the abuses that are accepted in the name of popular, profitable sports, about how audiences often don't look beyond the surface of the things that amuse them, and what moral compromises are acceptable when fighting for survival. I liked how we had a Hirogen character who was an ally and friend to Seven, providing more nuance and flipping the narrative from when they were introduced as simply monstrous bad guys. And I loved all the joyful, silly character moments that showed the crew's family connection. A deeper and smarter episode than I gave it credit for previously.

Tl;dr: A fun episode with great character moments, great guest stars, and some still very relevant social commentary, that actually gave Seven an interesting storyline. A pleasant surprise.

[punkbxt]

after seven exits her outer borg mechanisms theyre left with a body thats highly inorganic

seven keeps it relatively simple and original to how she left the borg with the exception of some android replacements and mods over time for whatever reason they may be necessary

arm details at the end of the post and a lil story below!

<<¿como se siente?>>

the question is so unexpected that it takes seven a moment to reply.

they were sitting on some stools at a side table that tuvok and chakotay had installed in the medbay. it wasnt uncommon to have a small droid maintenance station on a medbay in maquis ships so they figured it would only be a matter of time till it was needed.

b’elanna had been the one assigned to assist the emh. he had long gone back to doing his own thing and all that was left was sevens more mechanical parts which left the two alone.

“what does what feel like?”

b’elanna forgot she left half the sentence in her mind. she had been contemplating it the entire time she had been repairing sevens prosthetic arm.

“ay perdón. what does it feel like being touched on your synth skin? can you feel my touch even though your forearm isnt attached to you?”

a pause from seven.

b’elanna shifted in her seat and put the small dermal regenerator on the table. she was almost finished but suddenly felt shy at bringing up something so personal. “you dont have to answer if you dont want to of course-“

“it depends on what is being touched,” seven replied as she wiggled the fingers of her unattached arm, “and yes, i can feel your touch.”

the solitary forearm still having capacity of movement freaked b’elanna out just a bit. borg technology was a wonder and a horror to behold.

“what do you mean by depends?” b’elanna looked at her toolkit, examining the spanner she had used to losen seven’s elbow.

“the skin around my eye was grafted from a de- donor and the skin on the arm youre repairing is made up of tiny hexagonal shaped silicone cells.”

“amazing”

“indeed”

b’elanna picked up a screwdriver and proceeded put the metal panel back where it belinged “does it feel different from real skin?”

“supposedly almost imperceptibly so.”

b’elanna brought the joints back together and with sevens help latched seven’s forearm back into place. she then grabbed the spanner to tighten the safety in place and looked at it carefully and back at sevens arm.

“will this hurt?” b’elanna’s curiosity amused seven.

“only if you do it too tight.”

“really??”

seven laughed. huh. that was a first.

“no. the metal bits take a bit more than a tight screw to feel pain.”

b’elanna finished but stood in place at sevens side with no intention of uncradling sevens hand.

“how does this feel?” b’elanna said it ever so softly that seven almost didnt catch it.

the touch felt tingly in a way it never had to seven before. her breath hitched (as she frantically ran a minor nerve diagnostic which ran merely a fraction of a second) ever so briefly that b’elanna didnt notice. nothing was wrong. but it was new and just a litle but scary.

“it feels… electric…”

“is that bad?”

“for me? no.”

the medbay scanned seven and beeped with confirmation that <<the patient is ready for release>> startling the two out of the moment.

b’elanna stepped back and gathered her supplies together. “bueno um- if you encounter any more bichos let me know. ill help ya out” she said as she twirled the dermal regenerator she was about to take and tucked it into her coat pocket.

“thankyou for your assistance, doctor torres.”

b’elanna snorted, “youre funny. i like it. see u around.”

[worflesbian]

expanding on prev post by assigning the voyager crew a kate bush song each. obviously the whole of the ninth wave is voyager-coded so it'll have to have its own post and be excluded for this one

janeway: all the love is a very janeway song it's literally about pushing away all the people who are deeply concerned about you - 'the first time i died it was in the arms of good friends of mine'. i'm very torn bc there's So many from the red shoes that are janeway coded but i have to say the wedding list is probably the only one that captures her level of unhinged violence like that's janeway when she's out for blood

chakotay: james and the cold gun is about begging the person you love not to sell their soul to an empty vendetta of violence (see above!). i also quite like reaching out as a chakotay song - 'see how the child reaches out instinctively, to feel how fire will feel, see how the man reaches out instinctively, for what he cannot have... the pull and the push of it all'

tuvok: leave it open! it's such a cerebral song but also kind of guttural at the same time? 'harm is in us, harm in us but power to arm' sounds like something he would say to kes about controlling her telepathy.

b'elanna: under the ivy as mentioned but also hounds of love but ALSO love and anger! i can't even quote a single lyric bc the whole thing is So her and specifically her relationship with tom

seven: immediately i think experiment iv but also mother stands for comfort seems very seven and the borg queen and/or seven and janeway. 'it breaks the cage and fear escapes and takes possession, just like a crowd rioting inside (make me do this make me do that)... am i the cat that takes the bird, to her the hunter, or the hunted?'. i also think suspended in gaffa may not be a seven song tonally but it works lyrically for her relationship to her humanity: 'i won't open boxes that i am told not to, i'm not a pandora, i'm much more like that girl in the mirror, between you and me, she don't stand a chance of getting anywhere at all' 'but sometimes it's hard to know if i'm doing it right, can i have it all now?'

harry: i think army dreamers is a brilliant harry song, it's literally about a golden boy dying young because he dreamed of being in the military. from the perspective of his beloved mother. 'give the kid the pick of pips, and give him all your stripes and ribbons, now he's sitting in his hole, he might as well have buttons and bows'. rocket's tail kind of works as a harry and janeway song - 'and it seemed to me, the saddest thing i'd ever seen and i thought you were crazy, wishing such a thing' (tries going out in a blaze of glory himself) '...was it me said you were crazy?'

tom: night of the swallow!! literally about a criminal pilot - 'oh let me fly, give me something to show for my miserable life, would you break even my wings, like a swallow?'

neelix: I actually quite like never be mine for Neelix, it feels like it could be about all the lives that he could've lived, if his family hadn't been killed, if he'd stayed with Voyager and gone to the alpha quadrant - 'this is where I wanna be, but I know that this will never be mine'. also moments of pleasure seems to capture his attitude to life I think - 'just being alive, it can really hurt sometimes, these moments given, are a gift from time'

the doctor: i want to say deeper understanding bc it is about an ambiguously sentient computer program but on a character level i think he's more sat in your lap, which is about wanting to understand everything and being limited by the capacities of your own mind - 'i must admit, just when i think i'm king, i just begin'

kes: I will admit I'm not a kes scholar but I quite like the big sky for her just for the line 'you never understood me, you never really tried' and this idea that she's always looking up for something larger than herself that other people might not pay attention to

[thegeminisage]

sigh it's time for a star trek update. i'm behind because i've been busy thinking about lucanis dragon age. all of these are voyager episodes!! i don't have to separate them anymore :(

i don't remember which days we did what but the lineup is "equinox part i," "equinox part ii," "survival instinct," "barge of the dead," "tinker, tenor, doctor, spy," "alice," "riddles," "dragon's teeth," "one small step," "the voyager conspiracy," and "pathfinder." tragically, these will be short because there's too many and i want to go back to thinking about lucanis dragon age.

equinox parts i & ii:

TEAR THE BITCH APART!!!!!! i have never been so thrilled to see janeway ready to rip into somebody. that other captain was vile and reprehensible

delicious when janeway and chakotay fight. kind of distressing but also very fun and sexy

seven is always so good but she was GREAT in this episode

the doc's ethical program being taken away :( im glad he and seven had that little moment together...ik theyre not canon or anything and it wouldn't be my first pick for seven ships but i wouldn't have been mad about it at all. their relationship is very sweet

survival instinct:

SEVEN OF NINE MY BELOVED

damn she really did drag 3 other people back into hell so she wouldn't be there alone. i love that

the philosophical debate was kind of weak though...like literally nobody is sitting here thinking being alive as a borg is better than being dead. what even was that

also, that isn't how this works. that isn't how any of this works. the borg don't get cut off and develop feelings on the fly. they don't remember who they are when they're magically removed from the amnesia collective. picard remembered who he was and knew what was happening to him the WHOLE TIME. the horror was in not being able to do anything about it! i really and genuinely hate to say it, but tng did it better

barge of the dead:

I LOVE WHEN B'ELANNA GETS COOL STUFF TO DO

she looked hot as fuck in that armor

i do like that in this episode you can hardly blame tom paris for being alarmed. 90% of the time i am like tom paris nobody asked you but if i a hardcore atheist woke up from a coma one day and started talking about how you guys needed to kill me so i could go rescue my mom from hell i would hope someone would have the compassion to hit me on the head again until i went back to normal

i like the idea of jadzia on this little boat until her friends got her into stovokor :')

tinker, tenor, doctor, spy:

this episode was bad when they showed seven's tits but everything else was really good

i wasn't sure about it at first because of all the adoration fromt he ladies but like it's ridiculous on purpose, you know? it was funny.

i liked it! i liked that the doctor got more rights and that he got something scary and dangerous to do

bonus of the borg transformations. hot.

also those little aliens were horrible to look at but i did like that one guy stanning the emh and then realizing he had his shit all wrong and he was cooked. really funny

alice:

this one sucked so bad. like idk there's nothing else to it. it sucked bad. b'elanna, dump him. i could be your man

riddles:

AAAAUGHGHGGH TUVOK

i really like neelix when he isn't with kes. i always forget until there's a good neelix episode and then i'm like oh yeah neelix! he and tuvok make such a good duo sometimes

tuvok in this episode...damn did we know tim russ can act? like he can fucking act

it's v much like the tos episode where spock gets jizzed on by that flower and learns to feel happy...but at the expense of his logic and his duty

the ending KILLED me. tuvok gave him so little except that one pun but thats like all you need

as fun as this was, it would have been even better if seven was the one walking tuvok through it all

dragon's teeth:

i liked the myth this one drew the title from. very fun

but also, What Prime Directive

we DID get good seven of nine content out of it though. i love when she and janeway are gay

one small step:

i started out feeling skeptical about this one because of the 23andme episode. i was worried they were going to be Too excited about history

nonetheless i did absolute shed tears during the funeral section at the end. i get it .gif

are they laying some chakotay/seven groundwork here? i kind of enjoyed it. did not like him telling her to knock off the attitude but it was otherwise very fun. i won't be mad about it

the voyager conspiracy:

i'd heard a lot about people either loving or hating this one before we watched it but i LOVED it

at first i was bewildered but even though the plot is a little weak there were so many good character moments i just can't get mad about it

the j/c candlelit dinner...mwah. they just do this on the reg??

also their mutual suspicion of each other. i would have been annoyed or perhaps distressed if it had gone on too long but it was the perfect amount of time to be just a little angsty and establish how well they know one another and how much they trust each other

AND bonus janeway/seven at the end that had me welling up. OOOUGH i love gay people

pathfinder:

THIS SUCKED SO BAD I HATE BARCLAY WHY WOULD THEY BRING DEANNA BACK JUST TO PROP HIS LAME ASS UP I HATE THE HOLODECK I HATE TNG GET IT OUT OF HERE

TONIGHT: "fair haven" and "blink of an eye."

[nebulouscoffee]

That scene between Tuvok and B'Elanna from 'Resistance' wrecks me actually... It's such a great moment for both characters (and actors, Tim Russ is SO underrated ugh) which highlights the differences between the two of them so well- yet, ultimately shows that under certain circumstances (in this case, torture) the distinctions between people... don't really matter. In an episode full of political violence, this moment is so significant, and I don't even really think I have the smarts to articulate why but I'll try lol.

TORRES: We told you already. We don't know anything about the Resistance.  AUGRIS: I've heard that many times, from many people. Take him.  (The forcefield is lowered, and Torres grabs the guard that steps through.)  TUVOK: Lieutenant, stop! That will not help either of us.  AUGRIS: He's right.

Everything about the way this scene (and the final shot where she's shoved back into her seat) is framed makes B'Elanna appear small, helpless- and embarrassed at her own helplessness- in that cell. We see her fidgeting, unable to sit down, constantly trying to break out or improvise her way out of the situation (she gets electrocuted earlier while trying to tamper with the circuitry)- it makes me wonder whether Tuvok was chosen to be tortured not because they believed he was more likely to have information, but because B'Elanna was more likely to be demoralised watching helplessly as he's dragged off. Augris's line implies that he's "broken" a great many people in the past; a tactic to instil fear and a helpless sense of inevitability in them both (torture doesn't work as a reliable way of extracting information; this is stated in dialogue in other Trek episodes such as 'Chain of Command' so the assertion here is at least not that- but what it does do is demoralise the public involved in resistances like this one.)

Later, B'Elanna is still trying to escape (do the guards know she's doing this? Are they just not intervening?) and she hears him screaming. Tuvok is someone who considers letting others witness him lose control over his exterior a huge (indecent, violating, humiliating) vulnerability, and the fact that he's the one being tortured is Not Insignificant in this context but like- it could've been the other way round. And B'Elanna knows that. It could've been her, and perhaps a small, scared part of her is relieved that it wasn't her, which is an awful way to feel (and if there's one thing B'Elanna hates, it's feeling like a coward). Also- the sheer violation of this, for B'Elanna to have witnessed him in this state, against her will- to later see him bloodied and weakened and flung in a cell, to have heard him screaming in pain- without his consent, knowing she can never un-witness it, knowing it wasn't her fault but still being put in such a situation where she has now played that role... Does this experience forcibly rewrite their respective conceptualisations of each other? Was Tuvok even thinking of her- somewhere outside, listening, worrying, blaming herself, fearing for herself, feeling ashamed, feeling so aware of him and her and the shared humiliation of this- when he was in there? Did seeing her upon coming back out change things? Could it ever change things? Did her presence, even as an outsider, whose memories of this event will always be (visually, at least) the constructs of her imagination- somehow make what happened in there real? Does her role as witness- and her memory thereby carrying some sort of legitimisation of what happened to him now, however warped and coloured by her own perspective and fears and embarrassment- make things better for Tuvok? Does it make things worse? Would he rather have endured this in secret? Would it have been better if she were a total stranger? Would it have been worse? And does any of this even matter when, for a moment, your life (your personhood, your goals, your presence) was completely reduced to what you "must endure"?

AUGRIS: We don't have to ask your friend any more questions, if you give us the answers.  TORRES: I told you I don't.  (Torres stops herself from hitting Augris, who leaves.)  TORRES: I'm sorry. I guess I always assumed that Vulcans didn't feel pain like the rest of us. That you were able to block it out somehow. Until I heard. Was that you I heard?

And the way B'Elanna's voice breaks when she asks this, as if she was still somehow hoping the answer would be no... There are complexities to this which again I don't feel like I'm smart enough to articulate, but like- yes, B'Elanna would like to hear that it wasn't him because that would mean her friend wasn't tortured "that badly", he wasn't put through "enough pain" to scream that way, and it's easier and more comfortable to think of violence (and violation) as something you can rank on a scale, and the lower on it Tuvok's experience ranks, the better! the more easy it will be for them to "move past" this! - but also, there's this element of "I want the answer to be no because that would mean I would not have been a participant in your humiliation, just some stranger's whose voice I don't have a face to put to, which is much better than having to know what you (my friend, my colleague, my respected senior officer, someone I will have to see every day on the bridge, someone I know prefers to keep vulnerabilities hidden even deeper than anyone else I know) sound like when you scream. But also... it doesn't really matter, does it...? Whatever he says, there always was still a moment- however brief- where B'Elanna heard a man screaming in agony, and thought it could've been Tuvok. And in that moment, that possibility was created. Now, it will always exist. That moment will always have happened. It will always have done something to her. It will always exist between them; an ugly, uncomfortable bond.

And this is getting into even more things I'm not smart enough to articulate, but like- it's pretty significant to me that B'Elanna is one of the few characters who never actually tries to poke Tuvok into Doing An Emotion, even normally. She doesn't consider trying to get him to crack an entertaining pastime, unlike others (and I'm sure her experiences of feeling like an outsider- always- feeling Very Visible As Klingon, play a role in this- "all they ever saw was my forehead" does not lend itself so kindly to "let's see if we can get Mr. Vulcan to smile", "why, Tuvok, it seems you've been corrupted by Human (read: default) rituals after all!"- it's a light-hearted joke for many, sure, but what if Tuvok genuinely considers the idea of smiling in the presence of others reflective of a humiliating loss of control and deeply debasing?) I think it's pretty clear from canon that he's just being himself; he's not trying to be a killjoy or trying to be mean, he's just Vulcan. And this is one of the few moments in Trek I can think of when a Vulcan's perceived "control" over their emotions is not connected with their reluctance to laugh or cry or say something sentimental, but... this. B'Elanna is shocked, she's horrified, she demands an explanation as to how he can possibly go through something like this and not feel the desire to "fight back" in a way she understands- and the way she cannot grant him the pretence of not having witnessed, here, the way she can't just shove this in a box, pretend she never heard, because she's just so fundamentally honest- and Tuvok (who is also so fundamentally honest), in a painful moment of openness, tells her exactly what his reasoning is. He lets her see. He lets her hear; on his own terms. He wants for her to understand (for her to witness?) his (very Vulcan) distinction between resistance and endurance; his understanding of endurance as its own form of resistance. Idk it's such a quietly powerful and like- devastating- moment for me... So many people try, over and over, thoughout the show, to get Tuvok to break his Vulcansona- try to make him smile, make him say tender things, make him get irritated- just to see if they can do it. Just to see if he'll ever crack. I bet B'Elanna wishes she never had.

[joshuaalbert]

ok here are my liveblog notes.

- girl we didn’t have to come out of the gate with “every important person in the series is the child of an older character.”

- this show literally thinks you’re stupid (note from like 7 hours later: i think this was about picard needing to explicitly explain that the ships were linked and moving into formation which like. no shit.)

- “if earth falls everything falls” yeah man fuck every other planet in the federation I guess

- I like this cook guy at least

- “jack is in there and he’s still jack” yeah the guy you know so well after like a week

- oh I guess picard is actually doing something for the first time this entire season instead of just. reacting to other people saying stuff to him. took long enough.

- geordi could be literally anyone please god give this man some technobabble or something. glad he gets to sit in the captain’s chair tho I know that was big for levar burton in tng

- oh nice deanna gets to be upset about riker rather than doing anything again. classic. worf you are the only one holding the line against white boy wednesday on a thursday.

- weren’t they just having a super hard time isolating his life signs the fuck

- well at least raffi and seven get to talk to each other 😐

- I mean the cook’s not wrong that it’s objectively stupid as hell to try to fight the entire fucking fleet alone but ok

- yeah wow the zombie movie imagery here. lm fucking ao.

- oh beverly did weapons so she’s good character now. this season’s entire philosophy.

- “planetary shields are down” yeah its almost like the stupidest plan of all time didn’t help but also nobody except picard is allowed to do anything so I guess this was to be expected. cant really blame her for this one i guess.

- except like. hey remember when seven became the most specialest person on all of voy and took over the entire show because she kept finding the solutions to problems and shit. lmao.

- like this moment of picard deciding to go back to the borg would have been powerful if we hadn’t been beating this dead horse for this many decades or if there was any actual sense of threat or. anything.

- “you are the part of me that I never knew was missing” yeah man “having biological children is the only key to a fulfilling life” is really progressive

- like this should be a really touching moment but there’s just. not enough chemistry here to make it work all these flashbacks are so surface level and take place in a week and you’re telling me this is enough

- like I’m a sucker for the power of love saves the day if it’s done well I won’t pretend I’m not but like. holy shit this aint it.

- oh shit deanna actually gets to do something what a fucking world

- “the time of the borg is over” god I wish but I’m sure they’ll keep finding a way to bring them back forever

- all those touching goodbyes might have been better if it ever felt like they were gonna have the guts to kill anyone off

- aw ok. seven hugging sidney was cute.

- NOT THIS AVENGERS ASS GIRLPOWER SHOT LIKE THEY ACTUALLY GOT TO DO ANYTHING. why are they nodding. what publicity fuckery.

- none of this felt earned. they were in the borg cube for like 15 minutes.

- hey uh I do not like this technology that “scans for other irregularities” that feels. bad.

- ok I’m glad tuvok is ok glad you got out of the bullshit alive

- oh yeah ok we’re just gonna frame starfleet as everyone’s happy ending. ok.

- no like remember back during uhhh whatever episode ro laren was in where it seemed like they might be actually critiquing starfleet some. what was the point of that if they were just gonna be like haha never mind starfleet is good for everyone it’s a place everyone needs to be to be happy.

- shaw knowing he was doing something wrong by calling her hansen doesn’t help actually and it definitely doesn’t help that he sounds like he’s about to start complaining about how hard it is to remember all these newfangled pronouns

- like I know I haven’t watched the first two seasons I’m not super familiar with raffi’s family stuff but this feels like a copout lmao

- the fact that they acknowledged ds9 continuity with “house of martok” but still managed to go the whole season not mentioning jadzia or alexander or anything is so. like.

- ok worf and raffi continue to be the best dynamic in this fucking show like they’re the only ones I actually feel anything for

- haha I love how they almost made deanna good at her job and then were like actually she and riker make fun of her patient

- my computer is buffering at the 1 year later mark I think it’s trying to save me

- “if ever there was better evidence that the past mattered” no please hammer the message of this season home harder

- why was that scene a year later have they just been standing there for a year. actually I guess it’s the only place in the whole world that’s lit well so maybe I’d stand there for a year too everyone probably has seasonal depression from being on the titan.

- oh my god

- oh myg od

- they. they fucking put him in red too. it wasn’t enough to be like yeah his happy ending is starfleet no it has to be the fucking command track he has to take after his father because god forbid he take after his mother to do something he was shown to be good at

- I hope I die for real actually.

- on one hand i feel like that nepotism line was a direct shot at wesley except they’re also doing the same thing but worse. so like ????? are they just trying to lampshade what they’re doing now it’s not fucking working.

- I’m going to fucking explode everyone forever

- the titan being renamed to the fucking enterprise is like. the perfect encapsulation of this show’s mentality. you can almost go forward a tiny bit (have new ship that is important) but then you HAVE to go back to the way things were (jk it’s the enterprise because that’s the only ship that can ever be important)

- stop namedropping your goddamn....it’s not even a planet now it’s a whole system. shut the fuck UP.

- yeah this is really professional. this is a functioning vessel. jack shut the hell up.

- what the fuck is this.

- isn’t this the same gag they used in the snw s2 trailer I haven’t actually watched it but I feel like I’ve seen a gifset

- jack shut up

- wow they really just didn’t want to have to make a decision on this. or they’re setting up the sequel. either way I hate being alive

- why did we even have a plot to this episode when they clearly just wanted to do the nostalgia world tour. I guess that explains why all the borg shit wrapped up so quickly they never actually wanted to do the plot. on one hand the plot was bad on the other hand watching 15 consecutive victory laps is also bad.

- this show is bad

- I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be someone who liked the first two seasons or cared about the bonds picard made with literally anyone else this is such a fuck you to all of that. hey remember laris. because even despite not watching the first two seasons I remember that she was in the first episode. but I know the show counts on you being too stupid to remember that anyway.

- ok I feel like that’s clearly just a premiere photo so that’s kind of funny

- jesus fuck

- let this man die

- there are literally tears in my eyes and not in a good way stop trying to set up a spinoff I’m so fucking tired

- everyone who hated wesley for being a mary sue had better hate jack that’s an order

🫥

[x-wingkc]

No Promises

Fanfiction: Star Trek Voyager Rating: General Audiences Warnings: None Relationships: Janeway and Chakotay Fictober 21 Prompts: multiple “Chakotay, to my office please,” she chimed over her comm badge.

She was going to finally have this conversation. She could do this. She was ready. Right?

Her fingers fumbled and dropped the PADD as she heard the chime on her ready room door. He was here. She paused, staring at the door, taking a few deep breaths before allowing him in.

She clasped her hands together and sat up tall.

She realized in that one moment that the tough exterior she has built for herself was easily toppled by only one person. One man. Her confidant. Her...friend.

“Come,” she said, forcing her usual confidence the crew has come to know over the past seven years.

Seven years. Seven years with a ragtag team of Starfleet Officers and Maquis. She will never know or understand the real reasons of why or how they all came together. But now she’d do everything in her power to keep the ones under her command from any sort of punishment. They did save her life, and the ship, more than once.

He came in far enough to let the door close behind him. But he just stood, staring at her, waiting at parade rest for her to give him a command, any command. He was used to her being in charge.

“Please, sit,” she said, motioning with one hand to the chair in front of her desk. She averted her eyes back to her PADD, and made herself look busy as he took the final steps and sat down in the chair in front of her.

He clasped his hands together and placed them on his lap as he waited for her to begin. He had no idea what was going on. They had less than eight hours to go until they were back on Earth. Her home. Where is home for him now?

He’d grown to admire her so very much. He would not use the word love. That implied something that he may never have. But, he did love her. He’d die for her, and he has proven that over and over.

“Thank you for meeting with me,” she began, raising her eyes to his.

She let her eyes trace his tattoo as she thought of how to begin.

“Chakotay, what will you do once you return to Earth?” she asked.

He shifted in his seat, and looked down at her desk briefly before raising his eyes back to hers.

“Didn’t we already have this conversation?” he asked her, holding her gaze.

He watched her eyes travel down his face, to his comm badge, then back up again.

“We did. It’s just. I was wondering,” she stuttered out, not quite sure how to say this.

He watched as she struggled to get the words out. Whatever she needed to say, it was obviously hard for her.

“Captain?” he asked.

At that word, her eyes immediately fixed back on his, and she gave him a smal, gentle smile. He noticed that it was mostly her eyes that smiled back at him.

“Kathryn. For this conversation, will you please call me Kathryn?”

He leaned back in his chair, and crossed his arms over his chest. He got a cocky smile on his face, and crossed one leg over the other.

“Alright, Kathryn. What is this about?”

She clasped her hands again, and leaned forward on her elbows, which brought her just a little closer to him.

“We, uh, have said no promises when we return,” she said rather emphatically.

He froze. He stared at her, getting a little better idea of where this conversation was going.

“No promises,” he replied, nodding his head, and not letting go of her gaze.

“I’ve been thinking,” she said, scooting her chair a little further in, and leaning a little more upright on her arms.

“This was not part of the plan,” he said.

He watched something in her eyes dim. They had tried so hard to keep this professional. He even tried dating Seven. And here she was wanting to try to open this door again. He did not like the dim look of defeat in her eyes.

She wasn’t prepared for his rejection. She had to be the Captain all of these years.

“Kathryn, I didn’t mean,” he started, but she cut him off.

“No, you are right. I suppose this is not part of the plan. Thank you. Dismissed,” she said sternly.

He did not move. She grabbed her PADD and began to busy herself again.

He sat as she pretended to scroll through her PADD. He slowly got up. Instead of heading to the door, he gently placed his hand on the PADD, and gently removed it from her hands. She did not look up at him.

If anyone on this ship could make her vulnerable, it was him. If anyone on this ship could make her feel comfortable with her own emotions, it was him.

“Kathryn,” he said softly, with a rumble that played across her skin.

He waited for her to look up. Her eyes flashed from scared and hurt right back into Captain. He saw it. He saw her. For the first time, she let him see her, even if it was for a fraction of a second.

He did not look away. He reached a hand out for her. He stood and waited.

“Don’t ruin this,” he whispered.

She stood. She brushed the front of her uniform, and found her breath shaking. Not now. Not here. She took in a deep breath, let it out, and found him still looking at her. With her composure intact again, she reached across her desk and took his hand.

She raised her eyes to his, and was once again the Captain of the ship.

“I’m with you, you know that. Right?” he said softly.

She gave him a slight nod of her head.

“This could have gone better,” she said with her command voice again.

She gave her his infamous cocked smile, and squeezed her hand. Then his gaze became serious again.

“I’ve waited for this. I can’t wait as long as you need me to,” he said softly.

He watched her eyes soften again. He watched her inhale deeply, in an obvious effort to control her emotions.

“You don’t have to do that with me, Kathryn.”

She knew he meant be brave and put on the gruff exterior. She knew he meant she did not have to stay strong around him. How she longed for the day when she didn’t have to be the one in charge, making decisions, and determining who lives and who dies. How she longed to just lay in his arms and let go. But today was not that day.

She pulled herself back, and he watched her take control once again.

She nodded her head, and squeezed his hand. She let go and stood tall behind her desk.

“This is it, isn’t it,” she said more than asked.

He half-smiled at her. He slowly moved around to her side of the desk. She looked down at her desk, not wanting to look at him. She couldn’t let her guard down. Not here. But there he was. Standing next to her. Everything in her wanted to fall into him.

She felt a gentle finger on her chin. He slowly moved her head to face him. She stared at his shoulder for a few moments before she allowed her eyes to look up at him. He smiled as her gaze met his.

“I know how to get a hold of you,” he whispered, lightly brushing his thumb against her cheek.

He slowly dropped his hand, and spent one more moment in her eyes. Then he slowly backed away, and headed for the door. He turned back to look at her one more time before the door opened.

For a moment she let him see her. All of her. He saw the desire. He saw the care. He saw the love. Then he watched the Captain come back into view. He smiled at her. He admired how easily she could flip her emotions on and off. She was more like Tuvok than she realized.

“No promises,” she said, with just the slightest up-curve of her lips.

He saw the light flash in her eyes. He smiled.

“Oh, I don’t know about that, Kathryn,” he said with a twinkle in his eye.

They both smiled at each other for the first time today.

“I’ll see you in a while. I know you have a lot to prepare for as we get closer to Earth,” he said, then spun to leave her alone in her office.

She watched him leave. She reached up and patted her hair, making sure it was still in place. Then she sat down again, this time disinterested in her PADD. Maybe once things get situated on Earth she could. Maybe they could. She leaned back in her seat and allowed herself to smile at the thought.

[corvidshipping]

Bury a Friend

Summary: There’s something wrong between T’Vanya and Harry. Tom decides to make it right. Pairing: (Platonic) Ha.rry K.im/T’Vanya, (platonic) T.om P.aris/T’Vanya, (familial) T.uvok/T’Vanya Warnings: Major character death, brief description of major character death from said character’s perspective (not graphic), mourning/grief, conflict between close friends Rating: T (or a soft M for heavy emotional content) Word count: 2.8k A/N: takes place post-2x21 (Deadlock). watching the show isnt strictly necessary as the important backstory is covered in the fic. some seriously heavy topics covered here! but i think its important to cover these topics to further develop these relationships. #NoBetaReaderCrew #WeDidThisLive. yes this is named after a billie eilish song.

“Captain, I've been working on a way to enhance our portable forcefield generators. It might be enough to seal that breach.” Harry Kim’s words tumble out as further proton bursts hit the hull. 

“Go.” Janeway motions to the door. “Ensign Serene, take over for him.”

T’Vanya hurries to Harry’s station as Harry exits the bridge, as Tuvok begins to analyze the proton bursts at his own station. But as time passes, more and more bursts shake the bridge. 

“I've analysed the bursts on all spectral frequencies. There's still no indication of where they're coming from.” Tuvok announces from his station. 

“At this point, I don't give a damn where they're coming from. I just want to stop them.” Janeway says tensely. “Chakotay, do we have enough auxiliary power to magnetise the hull? It might cushion the impact of the bursts.”

“We have just barely enough.”

“Give it a try.” The captain sets her jaw.

But as Chakotay begins to enter the commands into the screen, T’Vanya stumbles backward and gasps as if she had been suddenly dunked in a bucket of ice water.

“Ensign!” Janeway turns in her seat to face the girl, but she doesn't respond, instead backing up further until her back is against the wall.

“T’Vanya!” Tuvok takes a step forward, ready to abandon station if he must. For the first time in T’Vanya’s life, he looks conflicted about the choices he has in this situation- but she doesn’t notice, fully immersed in whatever nightmare she was seeing.

“No, no, no,” she murmurs, sliding down the wall till she was sitting on the floor, her knees to her chest and her hands clutching her head. “No, no, no, no, no.” Tears began to form paths down her face.

“No, no, no.”

It had only been a week since the incident with the duplicate Voyager in the subspace divergence field. Since then, the damage to the ship had been more or less repaired, and all crew duties had returned to normal schedules - including the duties of Ensigns Kim and Serene.

Promptly as the second shift rolled over, T’Vanya arrived on the bridge at Janeway’s request.

“Captain,” she announced her presence. “I’ve finished the report on Drayan culture, as you requested. Is there anything else you will require of me at the moment?”

“Thank you, Ensign,” Janeway responded. “No, that’s all for now.”

As T’Vanya turned to return to her station, Harry spoke up.

“Hey, T’Vanya. It’s been a while,” his mouth quirked up in a playful smile. “You’re not avoiding me, are you?” His tone was theatrical, joking.

But T’Vanya only gave him a sideways glance and an awkward smile, before exiting the bridge.

“T’Vanya.”

The ensign looked up to meet eyes with her godfather, Tuvok, in the doorway of her quarters.

“I apologize for the intrusion. Are you occupied?” His sentences were as clipped and to-the-point as ever, typical Vulcan efficiency.

“Oh.” She said quietly. “No, come in.”

He quickly crossed the room to where T’Vanya sat on a small chair near a window. He didn’t speak right away, and there was a moment of silence before he began.

“Your behavior around Ensign Kim has… changed.” There was something akin to hesitation in his voice as he carefully chose his words. “I am… concerned at the implication of tension between you and your peers aboard this ship.”

T’Vanya looked up to meet his eyes. Tuvok’s expression remained neutral, unreadable, but his eyes scanned her own, and one brow barely raised.

She sighed. “Are you here speaking to me as my superior officer, or as my godfather?” She broke her eye contact to look at her hands, examining the slightly chapped skin on their backs.

“Both.” She couldn’t help but give a small scoff at his response. “But… primarily, as your family.”

She paused for a while, gazing at the patterns in the carpet as if she could find her answer there. Finally, she spoke.

“I’m fine, Tuvok.” The ensign looked up at her elder, a weak smile on her face.

“There is no dispute between you and Ensign Kim?”

“None,” she said. “We’re good.”

Tuvok simply nodded in response, moving to leave. “I trust you will come to me if you have any complications in the future. I would like to hear about anything that could cause conflict between crew members.” He stopped in the doorway, turning back to her. “And… anything that could cause you undue stress.”

Another two days had passed, marking nine days since the incident with the duplication of the Voyager, and all of her crew and contents- not that T’Vanya had been counting.

At least, not that she had been counting consciously.

It was evening, or it would have been evening on Earth, and she was returning from the mess hall to her quarters, planning a night of reading, followed by meditation and a full eight hours of sleep. Well, more like six hours. Six hours, if she was being generous. Sleep hadn’t come easily to her in the past week, and when it did, it was fitful, and she woke quickly.

Before she could reach her door, a familiar voice called out-

“Hey, Vanny!”

She stopped just shy of her quarters, willing herself not to show her irritation. Instead, she took three deep breaths and gave no response.

The source of the voice drew closer.

“T’Vanya! I got a bone to pick with you.” Tom Paris was the last person she wanted to see before she tried to sleep.

She blinked and turned to look at him. “Oh, is it T’Vanya or Vanny that you’re looking for? Because I can help you if you’re looking for T’Vanya, but I don’t know anyone named Vanny on this ship.”

“Oh, ha ha, yeah, make jokes while you can. You’re in huge trouble with me. And for your information-” he lifted a finger to point at her. “-You do know someone named Vanny on this ship. Lieutenant Poulay, in Engineering. Vanny Poulay!”

“His name is Vinny.”

“Ah.” Tom’s hand fell back to his side, before he seemed to remember what he had come for. “That- that’s not the point! Listen, I don’t care if you’ve got a problem with me, but Harry doesn’t deserve this! The guy’s been spending every waking minute trying to figure it out- yesterday, I found him at lunch making a list of everything he could have possibly done to piss you off in the past week!”

T’Vanya’s heart dropped into her stomach at the mention of his name, and she abruptly turned to open the cabin door.

“You don’t get to avoid this, Serene! Whatever your problem with him is, you need to tell me right now. You need to fix this!”

“No problem!” She spun in the open doorway to look at Paris, and he was shaken to see tears beginning to form in her glassy black eyes. “There is no problem with him! I have no problem!”

“You’ve been avoiding him for a week now.” Paris’ tone softened, but he still pressed on. “If you’re not mad at him, then something is wrong.”

He followed her, but stopped in the doorway as she flung herself into a chair, sinking her face into her hands.

“I’m not doing this to harass you. The guy’s beating himself up over this, you expect me to just stand by and watch my friend do this to himself?”

T’Vanya made an odd sound- something between a sob and a strangled laugh.

A long moment passed as she sat there, silently, her hands over her face and Tom Paris in the doorway. He jumped when he heard another sound emanate from her.

“Are you-”

“I’m not,” she said thickly, but her voice betrayed her.

“Are you crying? You are!” Tom crossed the threshold, a bewildered expression on his face, as if he had never seen someone cry before. But T’Vanya didn’t respond, shoulders shaking in silence. Finally, she spoke.

“I felt it.”

Tom remained silent, emanating confusion.

“You weren’t there. But I felt it, I felt him.” T’Vanya sniffled and finally pulled her hands away from her face, which was now red and blotchy, her eyes puffy.

“Everyone, everyone on this ship, in this crew, has a… a signature,” she elaborated. “A psionic signature, like a fingerprint. Like when you can tell who’s coming down the hall by their footsteps. It’s always there, in the background. I don’t have to be trying to read your emotions to feel it, it’s a kind of aura. Like- B’Elanna. She’s so loud, passionate, she almost drowns out all the others around her. You- you’re not nearly as loud, but you have this assuredness in every feeling you have, like you couldn’t possibly be wrong, even when you clearly are. It’s irritating.”

“Thank you,” he said sarcastically.

“But Harry,” she continued, ignoring him and laughing slightly through her tears. “He’s like… like sunshine. Everywhere he goes, it surrounds him- just warm, he’s so filled with joy and with life. To be around him, as an empath, it’s revitalizing. And when someone touches you, you know- it creates a psionic conduit. A direct link between you and them. And when he touches me, with that sunshine, it reminds me of why I keep going. Why I can keep going even when it’s not guaranteed that we’ll find our way home. Harry is light.”

Tom stared, hopelessly lost. “And you felt that light?”

“I felt it fade.” T’Vanya seemed to choke on her words, and Tom realized what she meant.

A week prior, the Voyager had passed through a subspace divergence field while avoiding Vidiians, causing the entire Voyager, her contents, and her crew, to duplicate, except for her antimatter, which caused both Voyagers to run from the same source, draining the antimatter quickly. Both Janeways had ordered proton bursts fired to keep the antimatter from fully running out, but one ship - the one they currently occupied - was hit by the other’s bursts, which created a breach in the hull. Harry had gone with B’Elanna to repair the damage, but the vacuum of space pulled him from the tubes, and he was lost. The other Janeway ultimately decided to sacrifice her ship to enable the Voyager they were currently onboard to survive, but not before sending her Harry and the duplicate of a child who had also died in the incident to the other ship in order for them to survive.

“But it didn’t fade,” he said. “He’s here.”

“But he’s different, Tom!” She cried. “This isn’t my Harry. I felt it! I felt him. When he fell… like the sun suddenly flared and then went out completely. I felt it. I felt him struggle, I felt - in his lungs, and he was so cold, Tom, he was so cold….” She began to cry again, sobbing as tears rolled down her face.

She shook her head, silently. “Every time I look at him… I remember it. The moment the sun went out.”

 There was a long pause, and the only sound was T’Vanya’s gentle sobbing. But suddenly, Tom stood, his jaw set, and grabbed the hem of her sleeve.

“What…?” She looked up at him, bewildered.

“Come on. There’s something I’m going to show you.”

Tom led her up and down the halls of the Voyager for a while before he finally stopped where he was leading her to- the doors of the holodeck.

“What are we doing at the holodeck, Tom?” T’Vanya had stopped crying, and was now wiping her face with the end of her sleeve.

Tom began entering something into the computer panel. “Yesterday, Harry told me something you said to him. When this all first happened- when we first got stranded in the space Outback- you and him talked about things you missed on Earth.” He continued adjusting the holodeck. “He said you missed your dad. That he was busy a lot, away from home, but he always made sure to be home at least twice a year; once on your birthday, and once in August. And every August, he would take you to the county fair.”

The doors slid open as the deck finished building the world, and the two stepped through.

“He remembered that. He made this for you, because he thought you were mad at him. Even though he wasn’t sure what he did - even though he wasn’t even sure it was his fault. He made this for you because he cares about you.”

Beyond the metal doors of the Voyager, a perfect replication of the Panner County Fair spread out before T’Vanya, all the sights and sounds of her childhood exactly as she remembered them. The huge, lit Ferris wheel, the vendors of all species shouting out their wares, the games and the rides, the people pushing past and between the two of them.

Tom turned to T’Vanya. “This was supposed to be a surprise from him. But I think you needed to see this, because you needed to remember- this is still your Harry, my Harry. And-- maybe you don’t need to think of him as the same. Maybe that’s not what’s best for you. You don’t have to think of it as starting where you left off with him. You could think of it as- as a new start, a new friend, a new chance. But you need to give him this chance. He deserves it. And you deserve it. You shouldn’t miss out on your relationship with Harry because of this, if you care about him as much as it seems like you do, Vanny.”

She smiled weakly at the man as he placed a hand on her shoulder, and for once she didn’t move to brush it off. “Thank you, Tom. Maybe you’re right.”

Tom smiled as T’Vanya turned to leave the holodeck.

“Oh, and one more thing, Paris.” She stopped just shy of the doorway.

“What’s that?”

“Don’t ever call me that again.”

At the lunch following her conversation with Tom Paris, T’Vanya stood at the far end of the mess hall, trying to convince herself to move. Slowly, she managed to inch her way across the hall until she reached the table at which Harry and Tom sat, and without a single word, she plopped herself down at Harry’s right side, staring straight ahead. Both were silent for a moment, Harry’s confusion permeating the air like waves.

“I’m sorry.” T’Vanya sighed. “I’m… sorry for treating you so strangely. It’s nothing you did. You’re my friend, and you didn’t deserve that.”

A smile slowly spread across Harry’s face. “Hey,” he began awkwardly. “I have some free time after this. There’s something I want to show you, if you’re okay with it.”

As Harry revealed the holodeck’s world with a flourish, T’Vanya did her best to act as if this were the first time she had seen it- it wasn’t altogether too difficult, being that it was a beautiful sight every time. She gasped in delight.

“Yeah, I, uh, made this.” Harry said, trailing behind her. “I looked through some of the records to make sure everything was the way you remembered.”

T’Vanya bit her lip as she turned back to him. “Harry, I have to tell you something.”

His eyebrows raised skyward as he blinked in surprise. “Okay. Go for it.”

She closed her eyes in preparation for what she was about to say.

“Tom… already showed me this.”

“What?! Oh, of course!” He tilted his head back in frustration. “He can’t hold onto a surprise for just two days, can he? I should never have told him.”

“Don’t be too upset with him! He wasn’t going to show me, at first.”

“Oh yeah, at first.”

“But he showed me to snap me out of it. To remind me how much you care about me, as a friend, no matter what.” T’Vanya concluded.

Harry sighed, hanging his head in mock frustration. “Well, let’s hope he didn’t tell you about this.” He turned to a vendor’s table and retrieved two long, fried sticks from it.

“Churros?” T’Vanya said quizzically. “How in the world did you get churros?”

“Well, I didn’t actually remember that one myself,” Harry admitted. “B’Elanna told me when I asked for her help. She said that when Neelix first started cooking for us, you asked him to make churros, and you told her that you always split one with your dad. I saved up my replicator rations for these. They’re no churros à la Neelix, but….” He shrugged with a smile.

She laughed and accepted the snack from the other ensign. “Thank you, Harry. It means a lot to me that you put so much effort into this.”

“You haven’t even seen all of it, Vanny.” Harry nearly lost composure laughing as he said the despised nickname. But instead of a response T’Vanya reached out, somewhat hesitantly, and touched his shoulder.

And there it was, still. The sunshine she had missed, emanating from this man. A comforting feeling that she had deprived herself of this past week. She would mourn, still, likely- it would take some getting used to, no way around it. But she didn’t have to live in a world without the sunny warmth she had grown used to, and that changed a lot.

“Harry?” She said as they began to set off towards the Ferris wheel together.

“Yeah?”

“Don’t tell Tom I just let you call me that.”

[kiradaxx]

Critical Care

This idea jumped into my head soon as I saw the scene with Tuvok and Janeway holding hands on the bridge in the episode Critical Care. This is definitely not a criticism of that scene because I loved it and found it hilarious and Janeway and Tuvok are bros for life. Tuvok's reaction was priceless and both actors crushed it. But I couldn't help reimagining this scene with a J/7 twist, cause, of course. So here we go, enjoy my brief, goofy J/7 rewrite of this episode's fake dating trope.

Also on AO3 here

________________________________________________________________

A powerful headache was throbbing in Janeway’s temples as she waited for the communications link to be picked up by yet another Delta Quadrant inhabitant in the long line of fruitless interviews she’d been conducting all day. Patience was a virtue she did not possess, but diplomacy she had in spades. So she’d been smiling and charming and biting her tongue down on more acerbic comments all day as she attempted to track down the scam artist who had managed to steal their doctor’s program right out from under her nose.

After hours of chasing down contacts and bouncing from one rumor to the next, from one unhelpful, frustrating source to the next, not only was Janeway tired, she was bored out of her mind. However, they had finally found a workable lead in Gar’s current girlfriend. They had just concluded a call with her husband- a sad, weepy man with little dignity left to his name. He had divulged far more information about his wife’s adultery than Janeway cared to know, but at least they had learned something to go off of. Now, they were hoping this woman could give them Gar’s actual whereabouts, rather than just tell them yet another story of how he had conned some unsuspecting soul and made off into the ether.

Janeway leaned heavily against the railing of the main command stage of her bridge, staring at the still empty view screen. Her chin rested in her right hand, her elbow on the railing, and as she stared out into space, she suppressed the urge to tap her fingers restlessly against her cheek. Waiting for the call to be picked up was about as thrilling as watching paint dry, and while she hoped for a more productive conversation this time, she wished she could be doing just about anything else at the moment.

Finally, their hail was answered, and the view screen displayed a pale woman with a large forehead of unique ridges sitting luxuriantly on a couch in what appeared to be a sunroom of some sort. Making quick work of her initial assessment of the woman and the necessary introductions, Janeway wasted no further time in explaining who they were looking for. This held little interest for the woman, though, and rather than offering any information about Gar, she instead asked how they had found her. When she was informed that her husband had given them her name, a look of vague disgust overtook the woman’s features. Janeway lamented internally as she realized the moment the woman opened her mouth that she was about to be subjected to still more details of this couple’s relationship problems.

“You’re a woman, you saw my husband with your own eyes.” Her tone carried a distinct distaste as she continued, “Overweight, depressed. You would have left him too.” A playful spark and a vapid smile lit up the woman’s face next, and she added, “Especially if you had met someone as exciting as Gar.”

Nasty comments about the man’s size or emotional state were hardly necessary, but Janeway couldn’t afford to lose this lead now. Not when they’d finally come so close to getting the scammer’s location. So for the sake of her missing crew member, once more she bit down on the inside of her cheek and held back on her criticism of the woman’s shameful attitude. She was only just able to restrain an eye roll when the woman began extolling Gar’s seductive qualities. But her day had been long and exhausting and filled with some of the most inane conversations she’d ever entertained, and when she offered a placating agreement to the woman’s assessment, she didn’t bother to muster any more enthusiasm than she would have for extensive dental work.

Chin still in her hands, posture slouched, and boredom leaching through every syllable, she said, “Yes, he’s very exciting.”

Somehow, unfathomably, this woman managed to interpret her words as genuine interest in Gar. As a threat of competition for her lover. She stiffened, growing defensive and accusative, throwing a glare through the screen while asking, “That’s why you’re looking for him, isn’t it? You want him for yourself.”

Janeway stared at her incredulously for a long moment, at once both insulted at the implication that she would be attracted to a sleeze like Gar, and baffled at how dense this woman must be to believe her lackluster agreement had constituted any actual desire.

Her patience had long ago run out, and even her dedication to diplomacy was wearing thin at this point. Her battle against the roll of her eyes continued to be hard fought, but not fully won as she felt herself blinking rapidly through her exasperation. She lifted her head off of her hand but changed little else about her posture, and replied, “I assure you I have no romantic interest in him whatsoever.”

The woman’s eyes narrowed and her shoulders remained squared, clearly still offended. “Why, not good enough for you?”

“No it’s not that, it’s just-” Janeway began to reply earnestly, but cut herself off. This was maddening, and she did finally allow herself to roll her eyes then. How did they even get this far off track, and why was she continuing this ridiculous topic? She exchanged a quick glance with Seven, who was serving a duty shift on the bridge and standing not too far from where Janeway was leaning against the rail of the main command well. The quirk of Seven's ocular implant and the amused but critical gleam in her eyes told Janeway she was not alone in finding this woman impressively asinine.

An idea occurred to her then, an absurd one. A ridiculous solution for a ridiculous problem, she supposed. She needed to get their conversation back to the matter at hand without angering Gar’s lover or drawing out this argument any further, and when she looked to the woman standing to her right, she saw a method to do just that. With an expression that made little effort to hide how unimpressed Janeway was with this whole situation, she reached her hand out expectantly towards Seven. She was completely bemused, but understood what Janeway was asking for and, albeit hesitantly, she placed her hand in the outstretched one the captain offered. Their fingers interlocked, sliding into a comfortable position without thought, and Janeway made sure to hold their hands up in clear view of the screen. She squeezed Seven’s hand in silent reassurance, and thanked the universe that she had played along without spoken question, even if she could feel Seven’s confused stare burrowing into her profile.

She intentionally allowed a little extra husk to fill her voice, a smoky lilt accompanying the suggestive look in her eyes as she said, “Gar’s not really my type, if you catch my drift.”

The woman observed them for a moment with no reaction at first, her defensive demeanor unchanged. Tom Paris turned from his position at the helm in surprise, and Harry Kim chuckled to himself while Tuvok merely lifted one eyebrow in their direction. Janeway ignored all of them; allowing herself to be embarrassed would hardly be conducive to getting the information she sought, and she didn’t have the intention of giving any of them the satisfaction. She had nothing to feel embarrassed about anyway. She was dealing with con artists, a little misdirection was necessary. After a few more seconds, she saw the understanding dawn on the alien woman, illuminating her expression. She observed them more curiously now, fixating on their joined hands and seemingly sizing them up. Her hostility deflated, and she appeared to be appeased by the insinuation that Janeway’s interests lay in a decidedly more sapphic direction.

Relieved that the ruse had worked, Janeway tried not to think too hard about the pleasant warmth suffusing her skin where her hand remained cradled by Seven’s. She hadn’t expected Seven’s touch to be quite so gentle, almost tender, and she wasn’t sure what to do with this information now that her brain was aware of it. But this was neither the time nor the place for her to feel a fluttering in her stomach that she wouldn’t want to analyze too closely even in the best of circumstances. She wasn’t actually attracted to women after all, she was simply skilled in the art of deception when the need arose. So, she pushed the thought aside and refocused.

“We have a business opportunity for Mr. Gar.” She said, resolute professionalism twice enforced now to maintain her composure. “One that will expire if we don’t find him soon.”

With all of the fight in her posture vanished, the woman released a slight sigh and finally, finally gave them Gar’s current location. “He’s on his way to the gambling tournament on Selek IV.” She paused, then in a softer tone, she added, “When you see him, tell him to hurry home.”

Janeway bit her tongue down one last time for that afternoon and refrained from saying that there was very little chance Gar considered their affair to be more than a quick romp in the sack, let alone his home. She hoped the look she gave the woman wasn’t too pity filled, but as the connection was terminated and the star filled vacuum of space retook the screen, she indulged in one last roll of her eyes. Just a small one, well earned after having had to insinuate herself even peripherally into the marital drama of several random civilians.

In the next moment, she remembered she was still holding Seven’s hand. Her skin tingled at the comforting warmth still present, and she looked to Seven with a slightly sheepish expression. Seven, for her part, was staring rather intently at Janeway, brows furrowed deep in question. Janeway was about to apologize in case she had made her uncomfortable, but the other woman spoke first.

“Are you sexually attracted to women?”

Well, at least Janeway could count on Seven not to beat around the bush. She fought the flames of embarrassment licking at her heated skin, and instead quirked her lips up in what she hoped was a confident grin.

“I was just trying to get Gar’s girlfriend to focus on the question. I needed to mislead her a little, make her think you and I were an item.”

Seven studied her another moment before replying, voice devoid of inflection. “I see.”

Janeway couldn’t shake the peculiar feeling that she had disappointed or upset Seven in some way, and she returned to her original plan to apologize. She still hadn’t let go of Seven’s hand, though she wasn’t sure why. She squeezed the hand in hers lightly, and said, “It seemed like the easiest way to get the information. I apologize if I made you uncomfortable. Thank you, for playing along.”

Seven nodded but said nothing, leaving Janeway to feel like she was still missing something. She offered Seven one more crooked smile, one more small squeeze of their hands, and finally dropped her hold on the other woman. While Seven returned to her normal work, Janeway strode over to her command chair, sinking into it with purpose. She put aside the seed of worry digging into her mind for the sake of focusing on their task. Crossing her legs and assuming her authoritative positioning, she commanded Tom to lay in a course for Selek IV. She would apologize to Seven again later if she needed to, perhaps find a way to make the offense up to her if she were still upset. But for now, she had a member of her crew to rescue.

[bumblingbabooshka]

Tuvok leaves home without his lunch (forgot it in the morning rush) and Asil sees it still on the counter and decides she’s going to take it to him. Puts it in her little backpack and leaves a note for the rest of her family telling them where she is and heads off.

Unfortunately she’s still practically a baby so her note is essentially just scribbling and she can’t respond very well telepathically so her mom, brothers and grandparents just know that she’s alive somewhere - not where she is. T’Pel calls Tuvok at his work saying that Asil’s gone missing and Tuvok immediately starts heading to the shuttle station to go back home and join the search but as he’s making his way through the promenade he hears a familiar voice.

He looks down but is unable to find the owner of the voice. Eventually he’s about to get on the shuttle but then he hears an announcement for him to return to the security office. He returns, confused, and is met face to face with a commander who gestures across his desk to Asil, who is sitting politely in a chair. “I think you two know each other?” “...Yes.” Tuvok says, looking down at his daughter, radiating disapproval.

Asil looks up at him, confused before she understands why he is upset with her. She reaches into her backpack and pulls out his lunch, handing it to him. She is very proud of having delivered his lunch...it would have been very unfortunate if he were unable to eat. (she forgot about replicators and cafeterias and restaurants and-) Tuvok is silent for an extended moment before sighing and lifting her into his arms. “Thank you.”

[ezrisdax-archive]

favourites

B'Elanna comes down with Ankaran flu, of all people she expected to show up every day Seven wasn't on that list.

Doesn't mean she can't get used to it. (also here on ao3)

~~

The problem with being on Voyager, on top of the many many things that kept going wrong, was that it was easy to pick up a cold or something from someone else when it came around.

B’Elanna found herself bitterly cursing Carey since she’d obviously got the Ankaran flu from him. But he’d bounced back and was taking care of her – her! – engines now.

Normally her Klingon side did her some good and allowed her to recover faster than her compatriots did but the Ankaran flu had never sat well with her.

Just like lying down and doing nothing for days didn’t even as feverish as she was.

Honestly it was because of the fever that she has assumed the Seven standing in front of her was nothing but a weird dream.

Except she wasn’t going away, just standing there.

“What are you doing here?” B’Elanna asked, finally tired of the staring.

“I was informed by Ensign Kim that you would do better getting ‘well wishes’ from your favourite people.” Even as Seven said it she had that minute twitch, the kind she got when she thought that the Voyager crew was being overly emotional and illogical.

It was no wonder she and Tuvok got along.

“Therefore,” Seven continued, clasping her hands behind her back. “Get better.”

“You’re my least favourite anything.” B’Elanna replied, burying herself further into the mountains of pillows that Neelix had stacked around her. Her tone lacked the usual bite though and Seven could clearly tell since she just raised an eyebrow.

“By process of elimination I assume I must be your favourite ex-borg.”

“By process of elimination you’re also my least favourite.” B’Elanna snarked. “Also you’re beaten out there by Icheb.”

“Ah.” Seven didn’t look affected at all and in her head B’Elanna cursed her cold attitude. Just once she wanted to rattle Seven, see a different side of her, get her to react.

“Guess that makes me your favourite and least favourite Klingon by that logic though.” B’Elanna said, mostly just to herself.

“You are correct in that assessment.”

B’Elanna rolled her eyes. “Whose your favourite human then?”

Seven didn’t answer, surprising her enough that B’Elanna frowned at her with concern.

“I’m joking Seven, you don’t have to answer that.”

Whatever awkward moment there was it was broken when she got a sneezing fit. She reached over to grab the tissues that Harry had replicated for her but growled in annoyance when she saw the box was empty and threw it at the wall.

It barely got halfway thanks to her tired muscles.

“Here.” Seven held up what must have been a freshly replicated batch.

“Thanks.” B’Elanna muttered and took them, under her breath cursing Carey and the Doctor and because really how could he cure Tom and Kathryn from being lizards that one time but couldn’t fix the flu?

“I believe that is because it is adaptive.” Seven said, answering her rhetoric question.

B’Elanna glared at her with bleary eyes.

“You appear to need sleep.” Seven said as she straightened up, halfway an observation and halfway an annoying order.”

“I’m not sleeping with you creepily watching.”

“Very well.” Seven nodded, “I will see you later.” She paused. “Get well soon, Lieutenant Torres.”

B’Elanna just waved tiredly at her, not bothering to answer.

She’d just see Seven when she got back to her station and then hear all about how borg nanites were superior or something.

Weirdly she was looking forward to that.

~~

Seven was back again and B’Elanna really was having a fever dream. She had to be. There was no way Seven would return the next day to a situation she had no control over.

“Did you bring me soup?” B’Elanna asked, blinking at the tray in Seven’s hands.

“It is high in nutrients.”

“Oh good for it.” B’Elanna huffed, “I was concerned about that.”

Seven didn’t take the bait, just set the tray down in front of her.

The tray that wasn’t going away just like Seven.

Not a dream.

B’Elanna took the spoon, squinting at the soup just one more time in case the hallucinations had gotten the best of her.

“Thanks.” She said quietly, trying to surreptitiously glance up at Seven.

Seven’s eyebrows rose slightly in her surprise and the corners of her lips twitched in something that might have been a smirk but she was quick to school her expression back to calm indifference.

It was too bad really, B’Elanna thought, a smirk was close enough to a smile and Seven looked good like that.

She froze at the thought after a second and shook her head.

Really the fever was getting to her.

When she woke up a few hours later she had a memory of the soup, the taste of it in her mouth, but the tray and Seven were gone and blankets had been wrapped around her where they’d been kicked to the bottom of the bed before.

~~

“Review this.” Seven said as a greeting the next day, pushing a padd into her hands.

The words swam on the screen when B’Elanna looked down at it. She was beginning to feel queasy looking at it but swallowed it down.

“What’s wrong, Seven? Can’t handle things without me?” B’Elanna couldn’t resist taunting even as she swayed a little.

The padd was tugged out of her hands despite B’Elanna’s protest.

“I can see it will need to wait.” Seven was frowning down at her again. Then she whirled and walked over to the replicator, coming back with a glass of water. “You need the hydration.”

B’Elanna took the glass, swallowing some of it and then pressing the cool glass against her cheek to alleviate some of the heat.

“You are not getting better.” Seven stated. “I will inform the Doctor.”

The glass was mercifully plucked from her grasp before B’Elanna spilled it on her by falling backwards into her pillows.

“Tell him to fix this.” B’Elanna said, her words slightly slurred by her exhaustion. “Cause you need me back.”

It wasn’t until she woke up later that she realized Seven hadn’t argued that fact.

~~

“She keeps coming by.” B’Elanna said to Harry the next day.

Harry didn’t bother to hide his amused grin. “You should hear her in Engineering. Carey keeps ducking out when she comes in because she keeps finding flaws in his work. Apparently it’s not as adequate as yours.”

“Seven finds flaws in everything.” B’Elanna said, refusing to feel somewhat charmed by that. “Including my work.” Which grated on her constantly, she knew what she was doing.

“Right.” Harry leaned back in the chair he was sitting in. “Except I haven’t heard the two of you fighting over your quality of work in months.”

That was…true. Their arguments of late had just been about the better way of going about B’Elanna’s plans rather than the idea of them.

“Guess Seven’s learned to appreciate some flaws.” Harry continued, still grinning at her.

B’Elanna narrowed her eyes even as she was certain with how red rimmed they were it lacked the effect she was going for. “You’re delusional, Starfleet.”

“I’m not the one with the fever.”

“And I’m still thinking straighter than you are.”

~~

Soup, B’Elanna had learned, lost its appeal rather quickly.

Which was why when Seven brought toast the next night B’Elanna actually made a delighted noise.

“It appears you are feeling better. The medication the Doctor administered must be the correct treatment.”

“Go Doc,” B’Elanna cheered with fake enthusiasm as she tore into the toast.

“You should be well enough soon to return to your duties.”

B’Elanna paused and looked up at Seven. “Did you miss me or something, Seven?” Her conversation with Harry came back to her with easier clarity.

Now she could even see that there was just the slightest of pink in Seven’s cheeks.

“In your absence the work has been lacking.” Seven eventually said after the silence went on too long.

“Uh hunh.” B’Elanna said doubtfully. “It’s nice to be missed.” She grinned sharply. “Guess someone can keep up with that brain borg of yours after all.”

Seven got that annoyed look on her face that B’Elanna could only tell because she’d been watching Seven’s face for reactions for so long. To anyone else the changes would have been minute and unnoticeable.

“If that is what you wish to tell yourself to feel better you may.” Seven said, her tone a little icier.

“I will, thanks.” B’Elanna kept grinning, feeling better than she had in days.

Seven gave a sharp nod. “I’ll take my leave, since you are better.”

It wasn’t what B’Elanna had been hoping for and she sighed as Seven turned away, “Seven, wait.” She called out, and scowled as Seven’s back. “Look,” B’Elanna continued and ran a hand through her hair and made a face at how sweaty it felt. She needed a shower and how Seven could stand to be around her like this when she’d made her displeasure on the unhygienic form of sick people clear she had no idea. “I didn’t mean anything by it. It is just nice to be missed.”

Seven turned her head back, looking over her shoulder at B’Elanna. She looked like she was struggling with her words again before she finally said, “It is not just your work that has been missed.”

Without another word she strode out of B’Elanna’s quarters, leaving B’Elanna blinking in surprise and staring at the spot where Seven had been.

“Damn.” B’Elanna sound out loud. “Starfleet was right.”

She’d never tell Harry.

~~

It took her another two days to be cleared by the Doctor who had given her a lecture on health that B’Elanna had tuned out for the most part.

She got ready that morning feeling energized, ready to get back to her engines and see what messes had been made while she was gone.

When she walked out her door however she stopped, seeing Seven standing there awkwardly.

“I was informed you were cleared for duty.” Seven said, she held out some padds for B’Elanna to take. “I have made several reports regarding incidents made while you were gone.”

B’Elanna rolled her eyes. “At least let me have breakfast first Seven.” B’Elanna groused but took the padds. She hesitated before reading them however and looked over at Seven. “You could join me.”

Seven’s eyes flickered over towards her, curious.

“I got lunches and dinners with you these past few days, well.” B’Elanna amended. “I ate while you stood creepily. I figure I’m owed a breakfast too.”

Slowly Seven inclined her head in what might have been a nod of agreement. B’Elanna clapped her on the shoulder, grinning.

“Good, you can tell your favourite Klingon, who you missed so much, how much you missed me again.” B’Elanna said, her spirits lifting in the moment.

Seven’s lips pursed in annoyance.

“I have observed Voyager’s crew over the last few days and come to a conclusion.” Seven clasped her hands behind her and started to walk, forcing B’Elanna to rush forward to keep up.

“Is it that you missed me?” B’Elanna teased again.

“That among the crew’s members you are unique.”

“Oh.” B’Elanna said numbly, taken aback by the sudden confession.

“It is not something I would have appreciated before. Your absence has made me value it even more.”

“Oh.” B’Elanna said again, swallowing. She leaned in as they walked, pressing her shoulder against Seven’s arm. “I appreciate you visiting me. It was nice. But I could do with dinners where we both eat.”

Seven stopped suddenly, making B’Elanna stop too. She stared down at B’Elanna, “You are proposing we take meals together.”

“I’m proposing dates, Seven, get with the program.” B’Elanna replied, a little agitated that Seven hadn’t picked up where she was going and feeling far too open.

Seven’s cheeks were just that slightest tinge of pink again, B’Elanna was beginning to find it more than just charming.

“Very well. As you have stated, breakfast is viable start.” Seven took a breath and began to walk again.

B’Elanna caught up with her once more, her fingers brushing against Seven’s.

“I lied before you know. You are my favourite ex-borg, no offense to Icheb.”

“I will inform him of such.”

“Seven, no. Don’t tell the kid that, it’s a joke.” B’Elanna’s fingers twitched when Seven’s ran against her own, feeling an urge to just grasp them. “But you never answered who your favourite human is.”

Seven glanced over. “You are half human.”

There was a warmth that spread through her and B’Elanna ducked her head to hide her smile. She reached over, taking the chance to grab Seven’s hand anyway just for that.

From the corner of her eye she could see the smallest smile on Seven’s lips and that was a reaction she could definitely get used to.

[stitching-in-time]

Voyager rewatch s2 ep24: Tuvix

Yet another epsiode I dreaded having to watch- what is this, the twelfth time this season? This season's batting average isn't great, to say the least. This particular episode is one I especially dislike because a lot of the fandom discourse around it is pretty obnoxious. But even before I was aware of the fandom, I didn't care for this one.

It starts out with Neelix being jerky to Tuvok on an away mission- Neelix, for some reason, can't stand that Tuvok thinks or feels differently from him, so he makes it his business to badger Tuvok into behaving how he wants him to. I know this intro was meant to set them up as being so opposite to make them being mixed up into one person cute or funny, but honestly it just makes me dislike Neelix. Tuvok wasn't being mean or rude, but Neelix would not listen to Tuvok's stated desire to focus on the mission and not talk about his feelings. Neelix never respects Tuvok's culture or personal boundaries, and it's not cute or funny, and it makes it really hard to sympathize with him. And it goes on this way for the whole series. The way Neelix treats Kes is bad enough, but he treats Tuvok badly too, so at this point I can't just wave it away as occasional bad writing- it's a consistent character trait that Neelix treats the people he loves or wants most with complete disrespect. And it does taint whatever nice moments they give his character elsewhere, for me. But Neelix isn't in this one for long, because there's a transporter accident! Whoops, Neelix and Tuvok are fused into one person! And, though it seems impossible, he's even more annoying than Neelix himself!

For starters, Tuvix looks like a creepy evil elf creature with those red contacts. Secondly, I'm scratching my head and laughing over how someone thought that if you molecularly mix clothing with an abstract print and a solid color, you get a floral print, lol. Sorry, but prints on fabric do not occur at a molecular level. It’s a cute design choice, but more suited to a magic spell than a transporter accident.

And then we get to Tuvix himself, who is so arrogant, selfish, and obnoxious that Neelix was actually preferable. And the way he went after Kes was so skeevy! Her boyfriend basically died yesterday, and Tuvix is like 'who cares, let me just pick up where Neelix left off!' even though she's clearly distressed, and he's a stranger to her. And when he’s like ‘sure I love my wife T'Pel, but I still wanna date you!' it was like eww!!! Gag!!! Tuvok would NEVER do that, EVER. Nobody who is even half Tuvok would do that, and honestly, even though Neelix can be an asshole sometimes, even he wouldn’t be THAT insensitive. Ew. And when she asked him to leave, though she's clearly uncomfortable, he's still standing there trying to convince her! And then he has the gall to go in for a kiss! Eww! I was grateful it was only a cheek kiss, but still, what a creeper!!!

The only thing I liked in this episode was Janeway and Kes having their little mother-daughter heart to heart chat, and finding out Janeway was reading Tuvok's old letters because she missed him. Brb sobbing!!

Also, does no one in Starfleet know how to cook?? Really?? All those grown ass adults couldn't handle cooking for themselves without Neelix there?? And they call millenials helpless! (Though apparently Tom and Harry knew how to cook, because they were sitting at a table already eating while everyone else was flailing around- they may be Voyager's pretty boy squad, but at least they have some life skills to fall back on lol)

I know people love to slam Janeway for ordering Tuvix to separate back into Tuvok and Neelix, but she made the best decision she could from every standpoint, given that in universe, it was a no win situation, and from a Doylist standpoint, she had no other option but to choose Tuvok and Neelix.

In universe, she had to think of her crew and their mission, and Tuvok and Neelix were more useful separately than as Tuvix. Starfleet captains order officers to their death all the time in the name of their mission. It's part of the job, and Tuvix, being half Tuvok, would have understood that. I honestly don't think Tuvix would have lacked the selflessness to choose to save Tuvok and Neelix at the expense of his own life, since neither of them would have protested sacrificing themselves to save others.

Secondly, Tuvix did have to use their bodies and minds to survive- who's to say his right to live was greater than theirs?

Thirdly, Tuvok was her best friend- who the hell isn't going to do whatever they can to get their best friend back? Tuvix himself seemed cool with killing Tuvok and Neelix to stay alive. He insisted they lived on in him, in a way, so their deaths were no big deal. If it's truly no big deal to kill them, like he says, why is it a big deal for him? Why should he have a problem living on, in a way, in them? Him making a fuss that they're killing him to bring Tuvok and Neelix back is in itself a tacit acknowledgement that he's killing them to survive- and he expects that all these people are gonna let him kill two of their friends to keep him there?? Please. If it had been Kirk having to kill some unholy combination of Spock and Chekov to get Spock back, he would have, no hesitation, and no one would blame him, or call him a murderer for separating 'Spockov' back into two people. He's a man, so people accept that men in leadership positions have to make tough choices, and can't always be nice, far more than they do for women. It's crappy to give your main character a no-win scenario that will make them look mean or callous no matter what they choose, but it's worse when it's the first female lead, who will get less leeway from viewers just by virtue of being a woman.

But fourthly, and most importantly, whatever one might consider the morally correct choice to have been, keeping Tuvix would have been a terrible story choice. I mean, Tuvix was annoying and a jerk??? Literally who would want this guy around forever??? He has all of the two characters bad qualities, and none of the good ones that make them interesting, so that honestly would have sucked to be stuck with him for how many goddamn seasons, sorry. What do the people who criticize Janeway for her decision want- should they have actually fired two actors, and written their characters out for good?? No thank you! I don’t like Tuvix, so too bad! Welcome back Tuvok and Neelix, because I like them better!! It's a show!! It’s all fiction!!! I want to spend time with the characters who are my friends on the little space ship on the tv screen, so Tuvix gets to die!! Honestly they couldn't kill him fast enough!! Sorry not sorry!!!

And at the end, the focus was on Janeway and how she had to steel herself to do this thing she found difficult and distateful, and there was no pay off of Tuvok and Neelix saying 'thanks, you made the right decision!' to soften how awful what she had to do was. We don't even know if Tuvok or Neelix remember being Tuvix, for all that! Both of them seem pretty unfazed by having been another person, 'dying' and coming back as themselves- but like, they shared a mind! Do they understand each other better now? Couldn't this have been a gateway to the both of them agreeing to have a more respectful and less adversarial relationship from now on? It should have, but it was totally glossed over and never brought up again! Why even bother to do this episode if it ended up having no effect on anyone, except to make the fandom whine about how mean Janeway is??

Tl;dr: An attempt at raising an ethical conundrum that ultimately failed, because the writers painted themselves into a corner- they created a character that had to die no matter what, so every point they tried to make was moot from the start.

[angsty-violet]

Agony - Chapter 25

Agony Masterpost

@whumptober2020

Tuvok woke from his short nap with his ears ringing. He wasn’t sure what was causing it, but he was concerned. He had taken several blows to the head in his time here. He was at risk for there being permanent damage if he slept with a concussion. He pried his eyes open and looked around. There wasn’t anything noticeably different about his cell.

No chemicals were coming under the door. He had no recollection of a head wound in the past few hours that could cause the ringing. Although Tuvok had field medic training, he wasn’t qualified to diagnose what was causing it. Until he could get some real medical attention, he would just have to put up with it.

Tuvok stood to try and get a little exercise. He could tell his body was wasting away without the physical activity to keep it fit. It wasn’t a pleasant experience. He was trying to get as much movement in as possible between days. His resurgence in the will to live was demanding that he not be a complete invalid when he got out.

However, when he stood up, he immediately became incredibly dizzy. Black spots appeared in his eyes, and the world spun around him. He used the wall to steady himself and waited for it to abate. It did, but not before the ringing in his ears increased in volume. He swayed dangerously and finally slumped against the wall. He leaned against it until he was sitting on the ground. His ears still ringing, but the spots had been replaced. Instead of black, they appeared as colored arcs and circles.

He blinked his eyes to try and clear them, but they stayed where they were. Tuvok knew that he was in the beginning stage of a migraine—the aura phase. Tuvok’s migraines completely debilitated him. He would be incapable of taking any steps towards escape during it.

  Janeway watched as the planet came into view. She raised an eyebrow at the sight of it. They still didn’t have very much information on what was happening there. They knew that a madman was holding Tuvok and torturing him. They even knew roughly where the building was. However, they had no idea if this was happening with the government’s knowledge.

“Hail the planet. Let’s see if they are in on this.”

“We have a response.”

“Onscreen.

An alien appeared on the screen. He was reptilian with green scales.

“We are the Groanl. How may we help you, travelers?”

“We’re searching for our crewmember that we think might have been brought here. He’s been missing for several weeks.”

The alien looked surprised. “What makes you think he was here? We don’t get many alien ships through here.”

“We believe that one of your kind abducted him. He sent a message buoy from your planet a few weeks ago. That’s what set us on your course. We also encountered another who said that they were also abducted by the same man.”

The alien took on an alarmed look. “You must wait for one moment. If it is who we believe it to be, we will help you retrieve your crewmember with the knowledge that his captor will be sent to us for punishing.”

Captain Janeway inclined her head. “We have no intention to get between him and your justice system. We are only after our crewmember. As soon as he, or his body, are recovered, we will leave the rest up to you.”

The alien nodded quickly. “I will be back momentarily. We must move quickly. Every moment your crewmember remains, there is another moment that his life is in danger.”

  Once they had spoken to the supervisor, they had beamed down and made their way to the equivalent of a police station on the Groanl’s planet. They were led into a room that held numerous maps, charts, technology, and a lot of people. They were brought to the desk of an alien who looked up sharply when he saw them.

“My name is Selvent. Please, step into our conference room. I want to have this conversation in private.”

They followed him into a small room where he shut the door behind them. Then he scrubbed a hand over his face and looked at Janeway and the crew she had brought with her.

“You said that your crewmember was taken a few weeks ago. He looks like you?”

Captain Janeway felt a bolt of worry shoot through her. Had they found a body, and they needed an identification? She slowly nodded.

“Yes, the only external difference is his pointed ears. He’s got dark skin and brown eyes.”

Selvent looked relieved. “We haven’t found his body yet, which means there is a good chance he’s still alive. We’ve been pursuing Dr. Kell’an for almost a year. He has continued to elude us and take victims. It would go faster if we had a location to search for him and his partner, but we haven’t gotten anything yet.”

“We might be able to help you with that. We ran into another one of his victims a few days ago; they were on their way back to their home planet. They passed along the approximate location of the building Tuvok is being kept in. As long as he hasn’t been moved since then, we should be able to find them.”

Selvent looked hopeful. “If we could take this sadist down, we could keep him from hurting anyone else. If your crewmember has been there for as long as you say and survived, he must be absolutely incredible. I hate to tell you this, but the bodies we discovered have all shown signs of severe torture. It looks like they were tortured to a certain point and then murdered. You need to prepare yourself for what happens if you get him back. It’s not going to be pretty.”

“We are well aware of the possibilities. The crew has already taken the initiative to come up with ways to help him once we have him back.”

Selvent nodded in approval. “If he could survive that monster, then I gave no doubt that he can recover with your help. It might take some time, but anyone that strong is a true survivor.”

Janeway felt a tendril of hope within her, and for the first time since Tuvok disappeared, she didn’t squash it. Maybe she could afford a little hope, especially since they were so close to having him back. Although she didn’t know how awful it would be if they didn’t manage to rescue him. She didn’t even want to contemplate that thought.

[annakie]

Am I once again posting about the Voyager Relaunch Novels?  Yes.  Yes I am.

I am re-reading the Post-Endgame Voyager Relaunch novels and marathoned reading The Eternal Tide over the last two nights and all I have to say is Janeway and Chakotay love each other so much, I was literally sobbing through about six sections of the second half of that book.  

The Kirsten Beyer books are SO GOOD.  And as I’m re-reading them I love how she handles every single one of the Voyager characters but especially Chakotay.  I feel like she understands Chakotay and gives him everything the writers of Voyager never quite grasped about his character in seven seasons.  Full Circle is such a powerful story of his love and his grief, and the rest of the crew’s love for him (especially Tom, B’lanna, Harry and Sev-- wow his friendship with Seven is so awesome throughout the Beyer books, everything it should have been in the show and not what we got in Endgame.  The support they have for each other without forcing a cringey relationship back onto them adds so much to BOTH of their characters.  Hey this paragraph went way off the rails but I don’t care.)

Anyway I really love the plots of each of these books, I love how they handle EVERY character (well, I miss Tuvok -- at some point I’m gonna get to the Titan novels) and the new characters are pretty great (oh man Cambridge is a fave, and so much better than the new consular that was introduced in the Spirit Walk books.  Loved Eden, love Farkas.)

I made a post a few days ago about how Chakotay is the whole “upstanding, solid, good guy” archetype that some people dare to call “boring” I’ve previously talked at length in a post about Mass Effect about how that’s just... my favorite kind of character.  And Chakotay is just... so that.  It also made me realize that the Janeway / Chakotay dynamic is also very similar to a Shepard / Kaidan dynamic (powerful commanding officer of her own ship woman character, solid, good, honorable mature right-hand man first officer (or close to it) male character and maybe that’s why they’re both two of my favorite ships.

Anwyay here’s some spoilery thoughts about The Eternal Tide.

Chakotay telling Seven about his relationship with Janeway evolving before she died, and how he doesn’t think he’ll ever love any other woman!

Confirmation that Chakotay was thinking about proposing when they were supposed to met in Venice!??!  What!?

Janeway thinking about Chakotay right after her resurrection and how deeply she feels for him and wondering about how her death affected him!  Also I kind of love that Chakotay DIDN’T come to her mind when deciding whether to return to life or not?  This was her decision and making it about A Man I think would have made it feel less about her and how she knew she would be taking responsibility for The Multiverse, which is what it absolutely should have been about.  Realizing what her death would have done to him basically the second she was alive again... that part was so well written.  I loved it.  Her relationship shouldn’t become the basis of who she is -- but it adds to her.

Their... reunion... scene... almost being ruined by Q... Chakotay’s utter shock and disbelief and the description of him slowly beginning to have his heart open up to the possibility, him inching closer to her as she’s thinking that maybe she’s made a mistake and understands just how deeply her death hurt him... that.... entire... SCENE.  (Actually about once a year I dig that book and Full Circle out just to read their getting together / reunion scenes.)

Getting Seven’s reaction to Janeway was also very, very good.  I wish they hadn’t cut past the scene where the rest of the Voyager staff sees her for the first time but we did get a little taste of it.

Um okay and then Janeway tells Chakotay she loves him for the first time and he says it back, naturally but like, this is as Chakotay was preparing to go on a suicide mission?  SOBBING.  They didn’t even get a day together, but at least they got to say goodbye this time.

Janeway forcing herself not to think about Chakotay’s death because things just got so much more dire.

Yes they won, but Janeway all alone on the battle bridge and she can’t even bring herself to contact Voyager yet because she just needs time to mourn Chakotay for a few seconds and takes a few seconds, a few breaths, a few moments... and then... OMG.... Chakotay is returned by Godson Q just before his death and they’re so happy... I CANNOT.

THE EPILOGUE where they’re in bed and had spent every possible moment together and so casual and free and happy together... it’s everything we ever wanted for seven seasons and seven more books.

--

Oh I started this post now almost a week ago and now I’m a few books forward and hey am I now going to talk about Protectors?  Yes, yes I am.

J/C don’t get to spend a lot of time together in this book.  Janeway gets sent back to the Alpha Quadrant to undergo counseling and evaluation which, tbh, is totally valid considering she DIED A VIOLENT HORRIBLE DEATH and then WAS DEAD FOR FOURTEEN MONTHS and then you know RESURRECTED AND IMMEDIATELY HAD TO SAVE THE MULTIVERSE oh yeah not to mention WAS REUNITED WITH THEN HAD TO TELL CHAKOTAY GOODBYE FOREVER A FEW HOURS LATER then oh wait THE MAN SHE LOVES WAS ALSO BROUGHT BACK FROM THE DEAD (or the brink of death, whatever.)

There’s a short and sweet goodbye scene then for the bulk of the book Janeway is back on Earth going to counseling (which, that second counseling scene was so great, and seeing her slow down and enjoy life with her mother was so great, and um also that scene with her and Picard?  Wow.  Just Wow.  Also I can’t wait to go back and read some TNG books because I need to see JL/B actually get together.)  And the entire time she’s just like... not even doubting her relationship with Chakotay even a little.  She thinks of him and is excited to be reunited but every time it’s like “the man I love” “The person I plan on spending the rest of my life with” and even “the love of my life.”  WOW.  Just Wow.  Chakotay worries a bit but never doubts.

Oh and then she basically tells her commanding officer “yeah um, thanks but I absolutely have no plans on curbing my relationship with Chakotay to make you feel more comfortable.  Also JL/B and Riker/Troi are all married so fuck you?”  She does agree to keep separate quarters on another ship which is like.. fine... whatever.  But also her going “Yes he’s my subordinate but we’re not going to let that affect our working relationship, we’re adults.” Fuck. Yeah.  Montgomery asks if they’re gonna get married and Janeway is all “IDK, probably? We’ll let you know.”

And B’Elanna asks Chakotay the same thing and his answer is also basically “Yeah at some point, we haven’t talked about it yet but yeah we’re spending the rest of our lives together now stop prodding me.”

Their reunion when she returns doesn’t go as planned and it’s a teensy bit worrisome at the end but with notes of positivity.

--

OK I’m only about 1/3rd into Acts of Contrition but I got to a part last night that made me put the book down for a minute and thank Kirsten Beyer out loud.

J/C finally get to spend some time alone several days after she makes it back to the fleet in the Delta Quadrant.  They have a brief discussion about The Plot, then Chakotay is like “Know what?  We’ll talk about The Plot Stuff tomorrow in the briefing.  Let’s instead talk about us.”  And then he stands up for what he wants!  And Janeway listens, and they talk, and agree!  And then Chakotay is like “Okay, now I really want to hear about what happened to you back on Earth for all those weeks!”  So... literally they just... sit and talk for several hours like, I don’t know, real people would?  There’s no drama!  And they both affirm their commitment to each other and their relationship!

It’s just... it’s... so good?  Their relationship is so solid!  They LOVE EACH OTHER and it’s based on their solid friendship (something else they actually say out loud!) and they talk to each other and there’s no like drama for drama’s sake about their relationship so far and it’s like, better than even any fanfic I’ve ever read (and there’s some great fic out there for these two) because nearly every other character is also getting their screentime and character development (minus Tuvok -- who’s off with Riker and Troi on the Titan and Neelix isn’t around much -- though he’s spoken of and we see him a bit when they visit New Talax).  Also it’s... beta canon.  No matter what, this is real and accepted beta canon.

I have been going back and listening to all the episodes of the Literary Trek podcast episodes about these books, and for Eternal Tide and Protectors Beyer herself was on the podcast and listening to her talk about Chakotay and Janeway both individually and as a couple her love for them both is clear, she loves the show and knows what she’s doing and is allowed to do it, and her writing is so damn good.  One of the hosts of the podcast has said in several episodes that he used to really dislike Chakotay as he was in the show and now book Chakotay is one of his favorite characters.  And honestly? I do love show Chakotay but book Chakotay is... everything show Chakotay should have been.  But he’s also been through hell and back and I love how Beyer used that experience -- and now Janeway’s resurrection experience -- to advance them BOTH individually and how that’s affected them as a couple now that they actually get to be that.

There’s so much other good in these books.  Tom and B’Elanna’s storyline and the way she writes them and their marriage... I could write so much about it.  Harry gets better characterization!  A plotline!  A promotion!  A love interest that may actually work out?!!? We’ll see.  And SEVEN. Wow. So much happens with Seven and it’s so great, I love her so much and Book Seven is again, even better.

Two more books have come out since the last time I read the series and the final book comes out next month, I can’t wait to see all the great moments Beyer has coming up for them.  It also makes me twice as happy that Beyer is so involved with Picard. It’s so clear the love she has for these two and I can’t imagine J/C not still being Alpha canon with her involved.