#and her leaving triggered him in some way because of everything with Shannon

[userautumn]

Eddie and Maddie should be having slow, tender, passionate, life affirming sex right now but they can't... because of Woke

[dreaming-of-barbi]

I have finally come up with a backstory for my reagent oc! I am so happy with how they have turned out !!! Very very long lore outline thing below, copied from my google docs and written on my phone so there might be some errors.

Sugar & Bone(s) | The Demon and The Vessel – lore dump / outline 

TRIGGER WARNINGS - not in order -

RELIGION, OCCULT THINGS, DEMON??, GORE MENTIONS, ABUSE??, DEATH, MAFIA??, DRUGS?? that's all I can think of 

Description of Sugar - 

About 22 years old when she reaches Murkoff.

5’3”, somewhat pudgy with blueish gray eyes and dark brown curly hair that reaches down to her hips. A large portion of her face is covered by a very sensitive, actively healing scar. 

She subconsciously touches the scar on her neck and face, feeling how much it has healed each day. She avoids mirrors and also hides her face with her hair when she can. She removed the night vision headset and E.S.O.P within the first few weeks of being there as the Demon can see in the dark just fine and they don't use the rigs.

She tries to hide the screws Murkoff drilled into her skull. She doesn't smile often as it feels weird against her healing skin. It won't ever fully heal, forever leaving a nasty spider web like scar across her face. 

Her teeth grew back sharper, some of her facial features being slightly altered because of the Demon.

Ages and timeline may change, especially as more lore for Franco comes out. It might be a little off with the ages but I tried to keep everything lore accurate. 

Locations are kind of unknown, for now. Most likely within Louisiana, before finding their way to Mount Sinyala in Arizona.

~

Ever since she had been born, it was as though she was cursed. Labeled as a “demonic child” before her birth, she was already doomed to be nothing more than a scapegoat for whatever was needed. 

The Demon found her at only a few months old, quickly latching on to such a sorrowful soul. How could something so young and small put off this much sadness? And this place? This was no religious commune, especially not when they could so easily step foot on these so-called “holy grounds”.

Shannon meets Franco at age 4 years old, very, very young at the time. Franco isn't much older, as he's almost three years older than her. 

She witnesses him being screamed at by Salvatore and, guided by a simple thought placed in her mind by the Demon, follows him when he runs off after, finding him hiding himself away and crying. She sits next to him without ever saying anything and shares a small loaf of banana bread with him, being called away by her guardians not too long after. 

Franco never forgets this gesture, recognizing her as he gets a bit older and starts learning more about his fathers… business. He sees her within The Commune whenever his father would bring him along in the following years, visiting sometimes to see how the operations were going. 

The commune is a cult, as well as a front for money laundering, and providing another way to smuggle narcotics For Salvatore. Has ties to a  “Freak Show” miles in the opposite direction of the city, which of course, also has ties with Salvatore. The cult buys and also helps distribute Salvatore's goods, earning a small profit for it as they use their ties with the Circus to keep production rolling through.

Who's going to question the little pilgrim-like Christian village out in the woods? 

Circus’ and Freak Shows were hardly even being bothered with any more, less and less appearing across the country each year as people grew bored and tired of it. 

With generous donations coming from Salvatore's companies, food and charity sent to both the Circus and The Commune, no one batted an eye at this tight knit circle. No one noticed them. 

The perfect front. 

It was a dying form of crude entertainment, the only thing keeping it alive was The exploitation of the gullible Commune members nearby, and the few people who visited occasionally. 

A deal was made with the Commune’s “Elders” and the Ring Master of the show, using one of the “attractions” to strike the fear of god into the gullible members. In return, they are paid a good sum of money, and given a discount on Salvatore's… finest selection.

A small albino girl, with a genetic defect causing feathers to grow on her face and body, skin pure white as snow, with two tiny, flightless wings to complete the look. (She is my fiance's oc! teehee) 

She was labeled the “Angle”, thanks to her own inability to pronounce the word. Anyone who attempted to correct it  would be berated and attacked by the Ring Master in a drunken stupor. 

Shannon was often taken with to the Circus, seeing the “Angle” trapped in her tiny cage, hearing the “Elders” scream how the members of The Commune lacked any real faith. Screaming as the small girl in the cage wept, demanding that they watch as she “cried for their sins”. 

Shannon would sneak out sometimes to see the Angle herself and even spoke to her, forming a small friendship, though it was fleeting, as Shannon couldn't risk being caught by the Ring Master or she (and Angle) would have hell to pay. 

She continued to seek Franco out in their younger years, despite him telling her to leave him alone for a while. He was fearful of both becoming close with someone but also fearful of what his father may do about it. Shannon was undeterred, Franco being the only person in her life who didn't treat her like an outcast, everyone else looking at her as though she was the devils spawn. 

He slowly warms up to her, they get to know each other more, Franco and Shannon always being very sneaky about their friendship. Shannon was supposed to stay within The Commune, to cook, clean, take care of the chores. Play the mini housewife for them, as all the Commune Women were expected to, and only god knows what Salvatore would do about his son prancing around with a lowly, nothing girl from that Commune, risking the operation that was held there. They knew the retaliation it may cause if either ever heard of their affairs.

Franco and Shannon knew better than to risk the wrath of Franco's father and the Commune… right?

Franco had many mixed feelings for Shannon.

She would actively look for him, wanting to spend time with him, unlike the other children and people in his life. He was often very skeptical of why Shannon was always so nice to him, even when he got incredibly angry she never switched on him or treated him with disdain like most. 

He was the only person who didn't treat her like a creature. All of The Commune members saw children as nothing more than easy, free labor, especially Shannon, training and treating her like a dog instead of a child. This would often translate into how other people treated her, as it was often encouraged to treat her this way by the “Elders”. 

Franco did not do anything like this to her, not once. She could deal with his temper, the yelling. It was nothing she hadn't dealt with before. 

She knew how kind Franco really was. 

Shannon began sneaking out of The Commune at around age 10, usually walking for miles to get into town and visit Franco, bringing him sweets she had made. 

Franco gives her the nickname Sugar (often Suga’ because of his accent teehee) sometime around when she's 11 - 12.

She makes him a dessert, accidentally adding too much sugar as she was distracted talking with him. He teases her for it, telling her it's “Just like you. Sweet as Suga’~.” the nickname staying as Franco keeps calling her such.

Franco began to flirt with her more around this time in their life, though he also often acted cold and harsh towards her as his own fears stirred. What was their “relationship”, if it could even be considered one? She would never be safe around his Father, around here at all. 

The “Beloved Elder(s)”, as they often demanded to be called, soon began to… up the Villages dosage of medications. They had drugged the “villagers” into submission for years, but for whatever reason they had decided to raise the amount, and even began including the commune children.

Sugar often wandered her way to Franco in town, nearly nodding off, clearly under the influence of something. 

One time Sugar appeared at his doorstep, about to collapse from whatever those bastards forced into the food. It was much worse than before, and He would stay with her, helping her ride it out. If only Sugar wasn't so naive, even as they talked of running away. Even as Sugar spoke of the terror the Commune Leaders brought her, she wouldn't hear his pleas to her that they were hurting her for such a long time, Franco trying to convince her for years that she was in danger staying within the commune. 

She learns what the Commune really is, and what Salvatore really does at 16,  finally witnessing it first hand at some point. 

Franco knew the Commune was going to break her eventually, and his father would make her disappear in an instant if he felt like it… nothing was safe here, for her. For them. 

They soon had begun to make more solid plans. Long nights spent talking about how they would run away together, Franco promising to keep Sugar safe many times. He had plenty of men he could get on his side if things ever went bad. 

He wanted a new life and he could start it with her…

But yet… his father needed him here, helping with his work. He knew that.

His father was so proud when he blew that fuckers head clean off, even gave him his beloved Lupara. 

He wanted to do good by his father. 

He was being the man his father wanted him to be now, right? He hunted down scumbags for his father, he did the dirty work. He made his father proud. 

He couldn't just let him down like this. 

“What does this girl know, anyways?”

“Sugar didn't laugh at me…”

“Father didn't stoop low, not for no whores.”

“She never scoffed at a word I said…”

Conflict within his mind happened often, going back and forth. He would ditch this broad once and for all… 

But yet, how could he ever forget…?

The way she never once avoided looking him in the eyes, how she smiled and laughed with him, never at him. Baking him things because she wanted to.

Seeking him out because she wanted to see him.

She called him “Fran”... how silly.

It really, truly is a shame. You never know when you have something so good, pure… precious. 

Not until it's too late. 

 

Maybe they had become sloppy, not covering their tracks as thoroughly as they usually did, distracted as their plans drew nearer.

Maybe it was always known, allowed to build and fester for years, until there was no denying it. 

No escaping fate. Cruel destiny. 

It was soon, she would leave this wretched “Commune” and live a free life with Franco. After the last time The “Elders” pacified the members, Sugar was almost unable to escape. She remembered how easily she could have died in that state. She nearly acted like a different person… 

The many, many times of being screamed at by his father, barely acknowledging Franco unless it was to blame something on him, or use him for his business. 

It often felt like there was another voice speaking in Sugar's head. These substances she was forced under were too much.

She was done. They were done.

They would get out of here, together…

She was 17 now. Giddy as she came back to the barbed wire lined fence of the Commune. He mind was filled with daydreams of running away together with Franco, a skip in her step as she made it back.

Only a few more days and they were free... 

They slipped through a small hole in the rusted fence, hidden behind a shed in a long abandoned goat pasture, her typical returning route.

However, this wasn't the same. As she slipped through, she immediately noticed the bushes and grass usually swarming the fence had been trampled and cut down. 

No one cleared the grass back here, no one ever came back here, and she made sure to keep the grass and plant life lush to hide her escape route behind the shed. 

Her heart began to race as she took her usual route back into the middle of the Commune, trying to avoid being seen as she snuck back into her family's shed. 

However, she was almost immediately grabbed as she stepped in, dragged out into the middle of the commune to The “Elders” by her “guardians”. 

They screamed at her about her disobedience, how she betrayed god and walked amongst sin. Commiting crimes against the lord himself and how she shamed their entire community. How dare you risk allowing the devil to infiltrate their precious sanctuary. They had known from the start what a ruckus she would cause in their precious sanctuary. 

They screamed that she was going to be punished, some of the other “villagers” being encouraged to throw rocks in her direction as they screamed and chanted for her to be punished.

Of course, Sugar had expected to be caught sneaking out at some point, and she knew if that happened it would result in her being in trouble… but her heart sank as she soon realized the extent of what the “Elders” really meant. 

They would not risk someone from the Commune getting out, possibly risking their whole operation here. 

She was just some nobody village girl. Not even her parents would miss her. They would have this solved. In fact… they called up some close friends to deal with the job.

Sugar was taken to the same abandoned pasture as the one she used to escape through, kicked down to the ground as The “Elders” gathered around her. Her fear kept her paralyzed in place, trying to think of a way to run and escape, some way to get out of whatever punishment The “Elders” had planned.

“You cannot be allowed to taint The Commune. You are a disgusting, filthy animal. From the moment you were born, you have defiled god, and now you have defiled us. This commune. Only god will judge you, now.” They taunted her, getting close to her face to say, once and for all. 

“It’s too risky to leave you alive, after what you know. You should have known your place.” 

As they step away, Salvatore steps forward and towards her, staying a few feet away as he encourages Franco to step closer to her with a push of his hand. 

Of course Franco was the one chosen to do it. Threatened earlier by his father; “Kill that pest. She means nothing to you, or you will mean nothing to this family.”

Who else was better for the job, anyways?

A fitting punishment for both of them.

Franco held the shotgun tightly, his father commanding him to lift the gun and aim for her head. He obeyed, shaky hands raising the barrel and aiming it to her face. 

Her gray eyes gazed up at him, no tears or reaction as he pointed the gun to her. Only her wide, fearful eyes gave away her terror. 

He couldn't risk angering his father more, cocking the gun and placing his finger to the trigger. He swallowed nervously, not saying a word. 

He had to do this. 

He had to do this. 

For his father, for himself. 

He didn't need her anyways, right? 

His father had done this many many times.

So could he. 

“I-it's okay, I forgive you, and… I love you, Fran.” Sugar said after a moment of silence, smiling to him the same way she always had, though it was weak and shaky. 

As if he couldn't stand to see her anymore, he pulled the trigger with a panicked cry, the sound covered up by the backfire as Sugar instantly fell to the ground in a limp heap.

She was dead. 

He had done it.

He stared down at her lifeless corpse for a long moment, watching the blood pooling around her in the grass, staining the wildflowers around her. Barrel of Lupara still smoking in his hand. 

He could have sworn… she was staring right back. 

And, just like that, Salvatore and himself were on their way home soon after.

None of the Commune members bothered with the corpse. 

She could rot right there, away from sight. 

Forgotten. 

—

“Man… I don't remember Romeo and Juliette being like this.“

A voice? 

What happened…? Why does it feel so cold? 

Jaw hurts, body aches… it's completely dark. 

No.. no it's not dark, there's a… projector? Playing a film on the screen in front of them. 

It feels so familiar, the movie. 

It was like watching through someone's eyes, seeing their point of view. They were climbing up a chain link fence. Why did the film playing look so familiar…? They've… seen this fence? 

The haunting memories come rushing back as she is almost forced to remember what had happened, nearly about to lose it when sue was interrupted once more;

“Hey. Let's make a deal, you and I. You rest for a while and I'll help you. You won't die because I won't let you. In return, you be my vessel. How does this sound, hmmm Sugar…?” 

That same voice again.

What deal? Well… Maybe some rest wouldn't hurt them. 

They did feel so very tired…

The Vessel fell dormant within the mind, and The Demon began to make their way through the dark forest. It knew having a nose, jaw and neck were important for these human things but… it had been so long since they were one. What was it even used for, again? 

Nevermind, it would heal back all the same. They'd get this poor, pathetic thing some help from another human.

Humans help other humans all the time, right? They're social animals.

This pity is such a weird feeling. What Demon shows mercy, takes it upon themself to help another? Following some random human girl until her untimely demise, helping her like this?

Don't they scheme, cheat and deceive? Only causing pain, tainting the land around them? 

Sure, maybe some, but not all. 

Demon is a species, not an evil. 

First order of business, a plan they had kept since these miserable places had drawn them in so long ago.

The Demon had seen the state of the nearby “Circus”, near the Commune. They made their way to that dingy little fraud of a place, unlocking every single cage and releasing the “attractions” to run free. 

It really had been too long since they had been around living beings, around humans. They didn't realize the chaos they would cause, possibly sealing the fate of a few of those poor souls within the circus…

Oh well, they were still a Demon, after all.

A few years had passed so far and They were nearly 22 now, the vessel's mouth and nose almost fully healed and regenerated thanks to the Demon. It had made quite an effort to keep this human hidden, like a fun little side quest, doing something… “nice” because they wanted to.

And how nice is keeping a human in this state alive? At least the mercy of slumber keeps the physical pain at bay, but what mental anguish would be left there after? Remembering her death, but never passing on?

However, that wasn't something on it's mind anyways, and soon, this human would be waking back up. The vessel was going to start needing things like food and water once more. There's only so much a Demons power can provide to a dying body.

No worries! They had found a flyer, with details about some kind of animal sanctuary thing for humans? The details didn't matter, it would be good enough. It promised things like food, shelter… a “purpose”? Whatever that means. Humans are weird.

Nearly a year later they were at the doors of a Murkoff charity facility, practically waltzing in. 

The workers tried to chemically knock out the Demon for a very long time but eventually gave up as it was a waste of their product, and the Demon just… willingly went in anyway. Walked right into the cattle car full of people, tied up, burlap sacks on their heads, not even batting an eye. 

It glanced around, clicking its tongue in amusement at the sight. 

“Quite the ride. What's the occasion, you got a Demon Lord visiting town?”

Typical.

—

It's hard to say who ended up more affected by Sugar's passing. 

Sugar herself… or Franco.

Salvatore nearly slammed him against the wall, demanding to know what he was thinking trying to get into the pants of some Commune girl, even making plans to leave with her?? 

Franco knew better than to risk his father's Business like this. 

The ultimatum was given, either kill this girl and restore some sliver of respect his father might have for him, or he would deal with the girl himself, and make sure Franco meant nothing to their family.

Franco tried to tell himself it was fine, nothing unlike the women his father went through. 

Many months went by and this thought only festered in his mind.

She was nothing, she had to be.

As the months turned into a few years, he started… exploring more. Branching out and refining his tastes, something to keep these pesky thoughts at bay. 

This would have been fine… if she didn't haunt him every time he tried to even speak to another woman. He would try his best to push her thought away, but nothing would happen there, and those god damn eyes would be staring at him all over again. 

She was dead, why was he still thinking about her. 

Why couldn't he do anything? 

He felt pathetic and it made him so fucking angry. 

But… there was one solution. 

His mind would cloud as he glanced to his Lupara…

A blinding rage would overtake him, once again seeing those terrified eyes staring at him. Forced to relive the undeniable rush that came from watching her body crumble to the ground so effortlessly. 

When he'd “come to”, yet another victim would lay in front of him. Visceral scenes he cannot remember making left in his wake, the image of Sugar in the grass below him being the only memory he could recall. 

Only… he really didn't care for these broads, and who would blame him if he… explored a little more? 

He would take it further and further each time, seeing what could bring him the same rush he felt with Sugar, her name becoming another one of the things he would mutter to himself when he hunted anyone down. Her image, his memories of her would become more vague, partially tainted by his endeavors.

He was starting to be noticed by his father, as he didn't always try to hide these misadventures… but that didn't bother him.

Things were really becoming a blur for him at this point. He didn't remember when Angelina showed up, his fathers fourth wife, his most recent step-mother. 

He didn't know when she suddenly took an… interest in him. 

He was finding himself being hurt by her, she would push him down, forcing him to kneel below her. She made him feel something he had never known before. Helpless, vulnerable, humiliated, afraid, like he couldn't stop her. It felt so familiar, feeling that rush in a whole new light.

He tried to ignore her lurking memories once more. He didn't want to think of Sugar anymore. 

She died. 

Now, he wanted to focus on this, the closest thing to attention he's felt since her. 

His father, of course, found out about the whole affair soon after.

Needless to say, Angelina disappeared, and Franco was lucky he didn't experience the same fate as Sugar that night, sent away to “help” in Miami.

His mind was a bit broken now, you could say. But, without the limitations and judgments of his father, he was free to truly explore his tastes while helping out “friends” in Florida with Cuba. 

By this point, Sugar had almost faded from his memory, only remembering the rush he felt that fateful night.

When visiting Gator Hook Lodge located in Florida, he would often try to experience his cravings with the working girls, trying to chase that rush all over again, even when he barely remembered Sugar's name.

While in Florida he is noticed and taken and transported to Mount Sinyala, a little less than a year after the Demon finds that silly little flyer. 

—

Sugar had gotten used to the routine here, going into a trial, trying to do what Murkoff instructed them to before inevitably being taken over by Bone to get them out of whatever deadly situation they had got themselves into. 

The Demon drove most of the reagents away from its many… habits. Often found gnawing on a bone from one of the corpses around the trials, complaining that the corpses are better than whatever slop the reagents are fed.

It happened often enough that they were soon being referred to as Bone or Bones by the Murkoff employees and other reagents. 

After almost a year of being with Mount Sinyala, they finally enter The Docks, to do one of the newest trials; “Poison The Medicine”. 

They had only heard of the new Prime Asset in passing, this was their first encounter with them face to face. 

They could handle it, right? How difficult could it be? Well, they knew the new Prime had a gun, so they would have to be extra careful going through these trials. 

Maybe Sugar would sit this one out…

The Demon made their way through the new trial environment slowly, keeping themself low and quiet for the time being. They neared the small room they were supposed to enter as a man begging and pleading for their life hung above, strung up almost as if on display. The sight drew a smirk from the Demon. 

As it entered the weird, rounded, rotating doors and into the small room, it took its time to take in the sight. The floor and furniture were soaked with blood, bits of flesh littered from the blast of a gun, corpses carelessly left wherever they died. This proceeded throughout the entire trial. Seems this Prime Asset certainly had been hard at work. 

The Demon pranced its way up the stairs getting a nice, clear view of the pleading, writhing man through the thick glass. If only they could find a way out there… sadly they couldn't risk making Murkoff upset like that again. 

The last time they derailed the trial, they were drugged and isolated for nearly a month! So boring. The Demon wanted to enjoy this new trial for a while before finally wrecking havoc. 

They turned and looked towards the other side of the room a large glass window revealed quite the interesting sight. 

A large expop corpse missing its head was propped up into a red chair along the corner of the room, with someone laying in their lap. They were happily suckling on the breast of the corpse, wearing a white suit stained with blood. 

The Demon smiled, scoffing with astonishment. This place just gets better and better. 

“When is it my turn?”

The Demon said aloud with great excitement before turning to press the button behind them, in front of the window displaying the strung up man. They noticed that the tank within the trial was now being lifted, and that same man was beginning to panic, writhing and kicking as he pleaded for his life even louder.

The Demon's attention was quickly drawn back to the room with the corpse, noticing that whoever had been in its lap had fallen to the ground. 

He was starting to yell something as the Demon stepped closer, peering into the glass to look, drawing an… odd reaction from the Prime Asset. He stepped back, going completely silent and never breaking eye contact with the Demon as he opened the door and made his way out onto the balcony. He didn't acknowledge the hanging man as he made his way towards unseen doors on the other side of the balcony, eyes still glued to the Demon. 

Sugar and the Demon stared right back, nearly in shock at the sight. They knew who he was, they recognized him. The gun he carried, barrel now sawed very short, his Lupara. 

Why was Franco here? 

They had him under some alias, something they didn't understand. How could they have known the new Prime Asset was Franco…? And now they were here, watching as he finally disappeared behind those weird Murkoff doors. Was he trapped in here, too...? 

He looked like he had been hurt, terribly. The Demon felt nearly overwhelmed by it as Sugar's heart ached for him, but yet also trembled from seeing him again. A conflicting dance of affection and terror, a nasty but also quite expensive cocktail in the Upper ranking Hells. No one would believe they got this shit from the source. 

They continued through the trial, doing the weird tasks Murkoff wanted them to, all while trying to avoid being stabbed. The usual, though this time it was certainly odd…

The Demon was no fool, these were real products they were placing into the cooker. They were doing real shit here. 

What the hell was this place? 

The stories they would have for their buddies at the tavern after this all…

Soon they were pushing some big, rusted, heavy, cart on a track over towards the other half of the trial. The Demon was having a good time, even as Sugar was practically bursting at the seems to know what was going on here. How was Franco here? Why was he so important here? …and how would she ever explain this to him… could she even face him? She felt so oddly terrified. 

The Demon finally butted in, a little irritated at their own lack of thinking room from it all; “C’mon, you gotta chill out. I can't do this if you're panicking, I'm feeling it all.” 

“But why is he here??” 

“Hell if I know! This place is fuckin' crazy, and that's saying a lot. I'm sure you'll get to ask him soon–”

“No, I can't just talk to him! What if he's angry with me?”

“He killed you, sweetheart… at least, he thinks he did. He ain't gonna be mad at you.” 

“But what if–” 

Their outward conversation was interrupted as they stepped into “The Train Depot”, stopped short by a gunshot to the floor beside them, causing a small crater in the floor. 

The Demon didn't jump, only turning to face him slowly before Sugar almost instantly overtook the Vessel. 

The change from the Demon to Sugar was very quick and subtle, but it was clear to Franco that something was off about her. 

Well… other than the fact that she was here and alive. 

He watched her fucking body fall to the ground, he put a hole right through her pretty little skull. 

Was he being tormented purposely by these doctors? 

They already knew so much about him, throwing his past into his face at any possible chance they could. Those fucking bastards.

He stepped towards them, causing Sugar to step back a bit in response. Her eye flicked to the gun clutched in his hand. She hadn't forgotten that night, even after years had passed. 

She could still taste the salty, metallic blood choking her as she laid there. It was so vivid, so distinct in her memory. 

Franco looked irritated, frightened, angry. He looked her up and down with a scowl as he continued to approach her. Memories that had almost been left and forgotten were being dredged up just as he was enjoying himself here. 

“Is this supposed to be fuckin’ funny or somethin’? You think this is a joke??” He demanded, nearly shouting as  anger rose with each word he spoke. Guilt and regret gnawed away at him every day, as much as he tried to ignore it. This was the one thing this wretched place hadn't thrown back into his face, how did they even know about Sugar? Enough to impersonate her? 

He was just staring at her for a long while as these thoughts rushed through his mind. 

Was she even real? Who knew what these scientist fucks were doing to him, why wouldn't he be hallucinating? 

He snapped out of his spiraling thoughts as Sugar spoke up, smiling at him despite the fear she felt, seeing that same gun held in his hand.

“I.. I've missed you, Fran.”

[mymistakewriting]

Diaz Family Dynamics

This comes with the standard warnings of 'hey if you think I'm bashing this character, I'm not' and 'if you don't like my content, you don't have to interact with it because I ain't fighting with people over opinions'. With a single exception. I am absolutely bashing Helena and Ramon Diaz. They're terrible parents and even worse people. my asks are open for questions or conversations!

I also have other thoughts about Eddie, including things involving him and Shannon, and more things about him and his sisters, his traumas, etc. However, I think this post is a little too heavy to share all of those. If you're interested in any of them, let me know. I'll do a separate post for them later regardless, but I'd love to see what people are interested in hearing about.

Trigger warnings: PTSD, talk of child neglect & abuse. It's Eddie Diaz and his family, that's it's own warning.

Let's get the hard stuff out of the way first, shall we? As someone who's been in shoes similar to Eddie and Maddie as oldest sibling who's had to step up and be a parent to their younger siblings, there is no situation where a child is raising another child and it's not because the actual parents are neglectful at best and abusive at worst. The Diaz parents are both. And it's exactly the way you'd think. Helena is shown to be verbally and emotionally abusive to Eddie in the flashbacks we're given during Eddie Begins. She sits back and watches her son, who's a newly single father and still healing from injuries he gained in a war that he ran to in part because of his parents struggle with multiple jobs at once, doctors appointments for himself AND his son, and did nothing to help. Instead, she used the fact that he was struggling as an excuse to ask for custody of Christopher. And considering Eddie grew up with that same style of abuse, that he shielded his sisters from receiving it, too? Yeah, I hope she burns in Hell for it.

And Ramon. Oh, Ramon. He's equally shitty to Eddie when it comes to verbal abuse. He abandoned the family (for work, yes, but what decent father looks at their 10 year old son and tells them it's time to 'man up'?). And no one has a fight style scrappy enough for genuine street fighting, the way Eddie's got, unless it was learned originally in self defense and then refined later on with actual lessons. I'd put money on Ramon having laid hands on Eddie a time or two before he got big enough to fight back. I've seen it, I grew up with kids who have that exact fighting style and that's what it was from. And the way he never turns his back on his father when they do interact? It's a survivor's skill that you learn the hard way.

Also? All of Eddie's doubts about him being a good dad? His worries that he's fucking Christopher up when he's given everything he's got for his son? Those come from his parents, too. He's always tried to make sure he wasn't like either of his parents, but those doubts don't leave very easily when you've spent your whole life not knowing anything else. Helena definitely drilled it in the entire time after Eddie came home from overseas that what he was doing for Christopher's sake wasn't enough. That he wasn't a good enough parent.

I'm also entirely sure that Eddie's lack of skill in cooking stems in part from his childhood. He was the oldest sibling of three, and he was helping raise his sisters. He probably tried to learn to cook by the time he was 12 for their sake but was told no by his mother. They're a Southern family, do you know how much time some boys are allowed to spend in the kitchen when there's daughters around to learn to cook instead? Sure isn't enough to learn anything. And I 100% believe Helena just refused to teach him. He learned how to cook eggs when he was 12, but no one ever taught him anything else until after he moved to LA, where Pepa and Isabel stepped in and tried to teach him. But it's harder to learn to cook in your late 20s when you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders already than it would be when you're a kid. It's just an unfortunate fact that some aspects of toxic masculinity like that are furthered by the mothers here in the American South. Sometimes.

Additionally, Eddie's never considered that he could be anything other than straight (I think he's bisexual but demiromantic, but that's just a headcanon). Again. Welcome to the South. He grew up Catholic. No way in Hell that Ramon didn't threaten to 'beat the gay out of him' the first time he was overheard jokingly flirting with a friend in high school. More families are like that down here than I want to admit. My own included. Just look how quickly Eddie's communication style changes when he realizes something sounds flirty. All those times he's jokingly said something to Buck and then went too serious directly after for no discernible reason? Bet you anything it's that.

He didn't leave despite hating staying with his parents after Shannon left not because he couldn't (Pepa or Isabel would've let them stay until he got a place, I'm sure that's what happened anyway because he packed them up and left on a dime anyway) because he had to make sure his sisters were out of his parents' home first. He'd rather suffer than leave them unprotected from it all.

All three Diaz siblings went no contact eventually. Then Eddie switched to limited contact because he thought Christopher deserved to know his living grandparents after Shannon's death. The only time they all show up is when it's required (like at Ramon's retirement party).

And final comment involving the Diaz parents: Eddie never wanted to marry Shannon. Another unfortunate tradition here in the South that still happens (less frequently, but happens): sometimes the parents force a marriage in the case of an unplanned pregnancy. We've had several in my family. Eddie loved Shannon, yes. But he never would have married her on his own. His parents forced it as soon as they found out Shannon was pregnant. It's part of why their marriage was so toxic, I think.

[phantomdialogue]

˗ˏˋ. ݁₊ ✶ ˖ 𝐬𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝟔 𝐛𝐲 𝐜𝐡𝐥𝐨𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐡 - 𝟒.𝟓/𝟓 ☆ . ݁ ˖ˎˊ˗

boys of tommen book three

premise: joey lynch's life is far from easy as the sole protector of his siblings after his older brother abandons them. aoife molloy's life is turned upside down when the cute boy she meets on the first day of first year just happens to also work for her father and has cement walls around his heart. their feelings don't get any easier to handle as the circumstances surrounding joey's broken home get worse by the month and he leans on a unsteady crutch of a fearsome addiction. aoife wants to save joey, but to be saved, he has to let her in.

couple: joey lynch and aoife molloy

tropes: slight sports romance, high school age romance, friends to lovers, slow burn, grumpy/sunshine, broken boy

CHECK TRIGGER WARNINGS BEFORE READING!! - includes themes such as physical and verbal abuse (familial mostly), heavy drug use, sexual harassment, and more.

available on kindle unlimited

review below!

review:

wow... this one... this one hurt. in the best way possible. and i know the next one will hurt more. i will say that i didn't expect this whole book to be before binding 13 takes place but i did enjoy that a lot. i think it makes a lot of sense for these characters and getting to see what rich history they have really makes everything that we saw from them in binding and keeping 13 so much more important and meaningful.

joey lynch is such a complex character and i think one of the things i love most about this series is how every character, for the most part, is a victim of abuse and written in a way that makes them so understandable because of that even with their flaws. i think joey is a perfect example of that as well. he has so much trauma from darren leaving and protecting his siblings and trying (or not trying) to protect himself and we see it all manifest in this vicious drug addiction. while on one hand you want to scream at the book and tell him not to do it, i think the author does a great job in making you understand and see why he does it. as well, his relationship with aoife is so vital to the story and understanding why he is the way he is. he's aware of his problems and as a reader, you see that in the way he realizes that he's hurting aoife even if he really truly loves her.

aoife is such an interesting character that i really relate to in a way. she has this more understated family trauma compared to joey with her father's infidelity but we really see it come through in her relationship with paul and a bit with joey too. she has some deep insecurities and i think those insecurities are what makes her attach herself so strongly to joey. but even having said that, it's part of what makes her fall in love so much harder with joey. because while paul doesn't try to change similar to her father, joey does. there is a comfort to her in the fact alone that joey does try even if he's not successful. i think that it's one of the things that makes their relationship so strong because i think they understand each other to a certain degree that makes them more willing to be what the other person needs.

johnny and shannon have my heart. don't get me wrong. they will always be the OG couple. but... i think from a writing strength point... joey and aoife are the arguably better couple. they've got so much deep history that really pushes them up the ranking to be this strong couple that i think, with a bit of work in this next book, are soulmates in a way. i loved this book and i loved the characters so much. but i won't lie and say that this has to go below keeping 13 for me because i'm truly so excited to get johnny and gibsie back in the narrative in this next book. i think these books and these characters work best all together and for me personally, the ballylaggin characters didn't support the book as much as the tommen characters did in binding and keeping 13.

q & a:

are they endgame? - obviously these thoughts could change with the next book but i'm pretty sure they won't. these two are endgame. i believe that so strongly. i think they really need time apart which they are going to get but with that, i think they are the most solid endgame i've read in a while. maybe they need some therapy but i don't think that it would be from a couples therapy perspective and instead more so just dealing with their individual trauma.

did i cringe? - i have to say yes... BUT i think that i cringed in a way that felt right for the book. these are two flawed characters, joey especially, and so they do have their moments where they mess up and they really do profoundly mess up at times. those are the parts that i cringed simply because it was realistic and you felt that pang in your chest that makes you go "oh... ow" and so it's more of an emotional cringe than a weirded out cringe.

favorite part? - i am unsure... but not in a bad way. it's good that i can't place one favorite part. there are some things that immediately stand out to me as some of my favorites which are aoife's understanding and desire to understand joey, joey's inner dialogue, and joey's relationship with tony. i think it was so interesting to read about aoife wanting so badly to be there for joey. she didn't want to do it from a standpoint of getting something from him and instead just wanted to understand and support him which he hasn't gotten before. so getting to read that really stood out to me and her unwavering support even when being exposed to some of the darker parts of him really stuck. joey as a character is a little harder to understand in binding and keeping 13 simply because i think he has such a strong inner dialogue that really contributes to him and making the reader become attached to him. i think that's one of the things i'm looking most forward to in the next book because he goes through a lot specifically in keeping 13 that i want to read from his perspective. joey's relationship with tony also really stood out to me because he obviously does not have a supportive father figure normally but we see tony really take him under his wing and treat him like his son and it's something so special for joey. he spends so long trying to respect tony and stay away from aoife because he cares about that relationship so much and i loved reading about that. and of course... i can't possibly not mention the johnny and gibsie cameo in the bar because oh i love them. i can't wait to get them back in this next book.

least favorite part? - the first thing that comes to mind is the ending honestly. i think that the ending for binding 13 really revved you up until this final cliffhanger moment and so i honestly expected that to happen here again. however, it didn't. it's a very relaxed ending and i think it weakens the book a little bit which is why it's just barely above binding 13 for me. after binding 13, i had this IMMEDIATE need to start keeping 13. but with this book, i felt like it's one of those books where if i wasn't so invested in the characters already, i would be able to wait a while before picking the next book up and that felt so weak compared to binding and keeping 13. it's not a bad ending per say but i think that with the way the previous books ended, i was expecting more.

favorite quotes (some spoilers here, of course, but minimal):

“I might not be the biggest dog in the fight,” I begrudgingly conceded, “but I always have the sharpest teeth.”

“I don’t want fifty more girls,” I replied, twisting back to find her still watching me. “I just want that girl.”

“Does it matter?” I countered, needing to regain some ground I had lost to this powerhouse of a girl. “We both know that you’ll be calling me ‘baby’ by the end of the day.”

With whatever I had inside of me, I would protect and defend them from harm. They would never have to sit behind a barricaded bedroom door with a hurley in hand. I would be here to do it for them.

Can’t you hear me? You’re going to die in this house. If you don’t get away from him, you’re going to die here. I can feel it in my bones…

“You’re my favorite friend, with my favorite everything.”

“I’m not afraid of loving a boy,” I told her honestly. “I’m afraid of losing myself in one.”

“You have five minutes and then I’m leaving.” Grinning in victory, I patted his chest before stepping aside and moving for the shower. “I’ll be ready in twenty minutes.” “Ten,” he bit out, swinging the bathroom door open. “Or I’m leaving without you.” “Twenty,” I called over my shoulder as I dropped my towel and climbed into the shower. “You can wait in my room.” The bathroom door slammed behind him, and then I heard him say, “Fifteen and that’s final.” “Twenty,” I crooned, thoroughly enjoying his agitation. “You’re a pain in my hole.”

“Please just stay.” He paused to release another slow breath before continuing. “This is the only time it’s ever stopped. Please don’t break it.” “This is the only time what’s ever stopped?” I croaked out, feeling my heart thunder wildly in my chest. “And don’t break what?” “My head,” he mumbled, before adding, “The quiet.”

“Bullshit. Comfortable isn’t as good as it gets,” Joey challenged, narrowing his eyes. “You shouldn’t settle for comfortable, Molloy. You shouldn’t settle for anything less than being in love to the point of madness. The only person that you should be settling for is the person who unsettles you the most. The person who drives you to the brink of suicide because he or she makes you feel so fucking much that you can’t catch your breath or remotely function without them. “And what’s more is you won’t want to. You won’t want to breathe, or feel, or fucking function without them. That’s how you’ll know that it’s a real relationship, Molloy. Only when you’re feeling the most discomfort you’ve ever felt in your entire life should you even consider settling. Because that’s when you’ll know you’re in love, which sounds to me like a hell of a lot nicer way to live than settling for someone you have nothing in common with because it’s comfortable.”

“I’m wearing jeans tonight.” “Not in my head.”

He wasn’t violent by nature. He was violent because he wasn’t nurtured at home.

Tread carefully, the beating muscle in my chest commanded, because if you let her in, if you let yourself fall for this girl, you’ll never recover. Forget that shit, she’s already in. Keep her.

“I see you, Joey Lynch,” she continued, stroking her nose against mine. “Yeah,” I replied in a gruff tone. “I see you too, Molloy.” “No.” Shaking her head, she shifted closer, pressing her body flush against mine. “I mean that I see you.” My heart thundered wildly in my chest, though on the outside I didn’t move a muscle. “If you really saw me, the real me, you’d be running by now.” A sad smile pulled at her lips. “You really believe that, don’t you?”

“The quintessential lost boy.” Her lips grazed mine as she spoke. “Don’t worry, Peter Pan, I’ll be your Wendy.”

“It’s nice to be nice, Johnny.” “Yeah, I know you were, Gibs, but those people are strangers, and what did we say about you talking to strangers?” “Don’t do it?” “Exactly.”

Their lack of faith in me only strengthened my determination to not fuck this up, whatever the hell this was.

Being with her made me want to keep a clear head because I wanted to remember her. I wanted to be in the moment with her and not just float through it. Because she was Molloy. My friend. Maybe even my best friend.

“Don’t hate me, Molloy,” Joey mumbled, falling into the passenger seat the moment I let him go to open the car door. “You’re all I have to wake up for in the morning.”

“I need you to stay right here with me, because if you leave me now, I won’t be able to breathe until I see you again.”

“You’re so strange.” He threw his head back and laughed. “I love it.” “You mean you love me,” I teased, grinning up at him. “Yeah, Molloy.” His eyes burned with sincerity when he said, “That’s exactly what I mean.”

“It’s like you know you’re about to get your ass handed to you by exposing yourself to this person, and you know that you’re fucking around on the edge of something that could potentially break and ruin you, but it’s just so damn thrilling, so consumingly addicting that you’re willing to take the risk and do just about anything to be with that person.”

“I want you to know that you’ve been the best part of my day every day since I was twelve years old.”

“Maybe if you did a little more staying, she wouldn’t have to do so much chasing.”

“Before, during, after.” I shrugged helplessly. “It still stands.”

[bluecheeseinmyoffwhites]

EDDIE DOES REMEMBER BUCK

Aka Eddie’s “oh” momemt

Cuz we all know there was so much more in between, right? The staring, the reaching, the desperation, the physical contact. That was probably their most intimate moment to date. He remembers a searing pain as he looks at Buck. He remembers falling while holding his gaze on Buck. And he thought this was the last moment of his life which he spends reaching out for him. But what about the whole ass scene in the firetruck on the way to the hospital that Eddie claims to not remember???

Some have indicated that Buck was wearing the same shirt in his coma dream from the shooting. There actually was an earlier cue of it’s significance. In 5x01, the only indication of Eddie’s panic attacks that didn't directly involve Ana (cued by the music) was seeing a man knocked out, with a similar shirt (& facial structure) as Buck. The same Buck from the shooting specifically, where he was in so much pain that he couldn't think clearly and thought Buck was the one who was shot. This is an important detail I'll get back to momentarily.

Eddie looks away whenever he lies/doesn’t want to confront his feelings, avoiding eye contact when the conversation gets too real. Buck looked him dead in his face in 5x11 and said he doesn’t have to pretend with him, and Eddie walked away. Where Eddie spent 4x14 looking at nothing BUT Buck, in 6x11 he can’t even glance at him. This is important. Eddie is the only one who doesn’t visit Buck on his own time. He doesn’t want to deal with his feelings over the situation. It’s just all too familiar. This is the exact same setup as Shannon. Only now it’s Buck, and he’s actually dead too.

In 6x10 his fears eventually become a reality. Eddie suddenly has to picture a world without Buck, & he didn’t like it. We finally got Eddie screaming for Buck in the same way the ladder does, & it was brutal. Way different from a regular friend being worried. The calm compitent Eddie Diaz was frantically pulling Buck towards him knowing the effort was useless, shoving his captain out the way to reach him, yelling at doctors to do more????

The writers portrayed a hypothetical that if Buck never met Eddie, he would have lost everything. He would have been deemed unfit to be a firefighter and a single father, eventually losing both. Eddie is aware of the impact Buck has on him & all the things he's done for him. Eddie is aware of his feelings for Buck but doesn’t want to take the time to realize what that means for him. Which is why he omits. Cuz you see, Eddie's panic attacks weren't really about Ana. I mean yeah they were triggered by her, but it wasn't really the thought of being married to Ana, it was the thought of losing Buck. Committing to a relationship with Ana means that the fantasy he envisions with Buck can never come to light. He then decides to cut ties with her with encouragement from Buck. That then leaves the question, why now?? It seemed like Eddie & Ana were doing fine? Why is he suddenly having doubts?

The Shooting. As May said in Eddie's presence in 5x15, it took a near-death experience to appreciate what (he) actually had & is encouraged to not hide WHO HE IS. Because of heteronormativity, Eddie spends Season 4 chasing a relationship he never really wanted just so Chris could have a mother figure, failing to realize he can satisfy both their needs with Buck. Eddie didn't start getting panic attacks until after he got shot, where the main vision he had in those moments was of the one he wanted most, Buck. Dying now meant that he could never have Buck, so he spends the last moments of his life reaching for him. That's why one of Eddie's first triggers is of the white-shirt man along with Ana. He remembers.

[tom-whore-dleston]

Only Yours to Touch

Pairing: Kim Jung x f!reader

Genre: smut (lemon; almost grapefruit)

*18+ only; please do not consume if you are younger than 18 years old*

Warnings: rimming (m receiving), mommy kink, reader is mean and possessive, sub!Jung, spanking, male masturbation, cumshot, cum eating, overstimulation, implied oral sex (f receiving), sorta emotional/physical cheating, slight switch!Jung

*Please note that you are responsible for your own media consumption. If any of the following warnings trigger you or make you uncomfortable, please do not read!*

Summary: You make an effort to remind Jung who he belongs to.

Word Count: 1.1k

Beta Read: N/A

*all errors and mistakes are mine*

Notes: I did it guys! I finally got a taste of that Simussy 🤪🤪 I was really excited to write for my second favorite himbo with daddy issues and even more excited to give him a M word kink 😈 let's pretend I haven't got past s1 of Kim's Convenience and I don't know too much about what happens I know I always say “this is the nastiest fic I’ve ever written” but I really mean it this time. If the warnings don’t give it away idk what will 😂 On a serious note tho, please do not proceed if you are not comfortable with any of the warnings listed! Remember to reblog and comment if you enjoyed what you read 😄

Fuckuary Day 3: Mommy Kink + Rimming - Kim Jung

Navigation | Main Masterlist | Fuckuary Masterpost

“Ohhh- Fuck yeah, Mommy!”

If you were to see what was going on in aerial view, you would’ve cum in an instant. Your boyfriend, Jung, was laid out on the bed with his legs hanging midair in butterfly position. He aggressively pumped his cock while your tongue was deep inside his taint. Your hands clawed his ass cheeks to keep them spread apart. You weren’t able to see the way his face twisted deliciously, but the incoherent sounds coming from Jung’s mouth were enough proof that he was a horny mess for you.

This all started because you tried to surprise him at work with lunch, but caught Jung’s boss, Shannon, touching his arms in an unprofessional way. Your blood boiled when Jung just stood there in silence, not even bothering to stop her. Jung cursed out loud when he saw you in the doorway with tears in your eyes. You ran out immediately, ignoring his calls the rest of the day.

By the time you both arrived home, you were only met with tension and awkward silence. Jung decided to join you on your shared bed where you were sitting, leaving some space between you two. When he tried to confront the elephant in the room, all you did was push him onto his back and ripped off your dress to reveal the sexy lingerie set that you wanted to show him during his work break. You claimed that if he did everything you asked of him, you would consider letting him play with you like you originally intended. And so, he removed his clothes in a flash and opened his legs for you.

“You like this, huh, precious boy?” You teased, tracing the rim with the tip of your tongue. “Like Mommy fucking your little asshole with her tongue?” Jung uttered a submissive ‘uh huh’ followed by a series of frantic nods. You continued, “Can Shannon fuck you like I can?” The way you spat his boss's name like venom scared him, yet he continued to sheath his length with his rough hand.

“N-no, M-Mommy. Ohmygod- She can’t.” Jung stroked himself faster as you flicked your pink muscle on his hole at the same pace of his strokes.

“You’re right, baby. She can’t.” You let out a sinister laugh, gritting your teeth at your next words. “In fact, she will never be allowed to fuck my baby boy.” With that, you dug your nails into his cushioned cheeks before firmly swatting them one at a time. This caused Jung to jump and arch his back off the bed.

You began to raise your voice, “Are you gonna let her touch you ever again?” You stooped back down to spit onto his asshole. He shivered at the wet sensation, his eyes drooping like he was drunk.

“No, Mommy, no!” Jung’s voice was so whiny you thought it was melodious. “I won’t let her touch me ever again. Only you can touch me. I’m yours and only yours to touch and play with. Ahh, fuck!”

Jung moaned again as you licked up the spit that trailed to his canal. Another cry left his trembling lips as you began to suck around his used hole. His asshole was so delectable, but the way he turned to putty under your touch was even more exquisite. He fucked himself harder on his fist, pulling your head closer to him so he can grind onto your mouth. The tip of your nose rubbed along the perineum as his balls dragged across your face. Jung was so befuddled by the way you ate his ass, all he could do was whine your name, followed by a drawn out ‘Mommy.’ His sculpted muscles clenched beneath you, indicating he was close to cumming.

“Aww baby, I can feel your body tense up.” You massaged his balls, causing him to sob. “You wanna cum for Mommy?”

“Oh my- Ahh yess, Mommy! Can I cum please, please, please?” His cries were like a symphony that you could replay over and over in your head. It made your pussy throb how sexy he sounded.

“Cum for Mommy, Jung. I wanna hear those pretty moans of yours.” You shoved your face as far as you can in his ass. A few licks and sucks later, he finally came from the vibrations of your lewd sucking noises. His eyes rolled to the back of his head as his hot cum spilled onto his toned abs, moaning your name so loud that you were sure the neighbors heard.

As he panted from his high, you creeped up to lick from the bottom of his balls to his sensitive tip, slurping the cum that dripped from his slit. He shook like a leaf as you crawled further to lap up the mess all over his abs. Jung was so overstimulated that he couldn’t react any other way than simply staring in awe. Once he was fully clean, you hovered over him and fervently made out with him. Jung lazily parted his mouth for you, sighing in bliss after tasting his ass and cum on your tongue. Pulling away from the kiss, Jung buried his face in your neck.

“I’m sorry I hurt you, Mommy,” Jung apologized, hugging you tightly. “I should’ve stopped her, but I didn’t. I won’t let it happen again.” You ran your fingers through his hair before planting a kiss on his temple.

“I forgive you, baby boy. You know I can’t stay mad at you.” You felt Jung grin against the crook of your neck. “But you are still mine and I will drag Shannon to hell and back if she ever touches you again.” Jung giggled, but then cleared his throat.

“I still wanna make it up to you.”

You tilted your head in confusion. “But you already-”

“Yeah, I know, but like…well…you never…” Jung didn’t need to explain himself any further for you to understand what he was referring to. Upon the realization, you lightly chuckled.

“You know…if you wanted to eat my pussy, all you had to do was ask.” In a matter of seconds, you were flipped over with Jung on top of you. His hands roamed over the lingerie he has been dying to touch. You were caught off guard by how quickly he switched for you, yet it still made you wetter than before.

“Mommy-y-y” His lips ghosted over your lace covered breasts, traveling down to you where you wanted him most. “Can I taste your pussy? Please?” You bit your lip at how he still managed to be so submissive, even when trying to take charge.

“You’re so cute, baby boy. How could I possibly say no to you?” Jung smirked before moving your panties to the side so he could eat you like his favorite home cooked meal.

*Thanks for reading :) Reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated. Your responses are what keep me motivated to write. However, please do not repost or translate my work anywhere.*

[wanderingwomanwondering]

Chris & Coma!Buck

In 610 we had a ton of talk about parental relationships (especially father-son) and what constitutes a real/“natural” (hate that word choice but I think it was on purpose)/healthy parental relationship. Specifically the ep deals with chim’s relationship with his dad. Eddie and albert who are on increasingly better terms with their fathers talk about the importance of chim working on his relationship with his dad bc they did it and it felt worthwhile. Also we know from previous eps that buck and maddie have been on a healing journey with their parents that culminated in the family dinner scenes. Hen mentioned her dad too but in a more cautionary way ie the dangers of not saying what you need to say to a parent before it’s too late. All of this centers around biological parenthood in the ep. But what about other forms of parenthood, specifically adoptive and donor?

The sonogram reveal at family dinner, the denny storyline, and the buddie and bobby conversation in the firetruck on the way to lightning strike are all tied to the question of what makes a person a parent/father. Denny is talking to his biological father without his moms’ knowledge and doing “classic father-son” stuff like throwing around a baseball but that dude isn’t really Denny’s parent! Of course buck was central to connor becoming a father but buck’s potential role in that child’s life remains unclear (since connor is sending him sonograms and such, implying that buck could be more than a donor but what does that even mean really in this case). Everything going on just highlights buck’s precarious position in relation to the baby that really isn’t his baby.

The show sets up non-bio family relationships as unclear territory and super tricky in many ways.

So to my main point about chris and coma!buck, remember in 408 chris ran away to buck when eddie told him he was dating ana. Eddie dating triggered a bout of anxiety for chris about his mom and people he loves leaving him, which he confided to buck and buck alone. Buck consoled chris and promised chris that he wouldn’t leave him. All of this was of course after buck had done a host of fatherly things in the time since meeting the diaz fam, including reuniting the two of them after the earthquake, introducing them to carla, taking chris (with eddie) to see santa, the tsunami arc, throwing a party so they could be together on Christmas, babysitting, and giving emotional support to chris in times of crisis. When eddie revealed buck as chris’ legal guardian in 414 it was eddie’s version of buck’s promise: that chris would always have buck and vice versa.

Basically I agree with people who’ve said that buck is gonna have some kind of revelatory moment about fatherhood via his relationship with chris and hopefully start to see that he’s a father to chris already and he’s got a family of his own via the buckley diaz family unit. But I wanna add more speculation to this: in 611 i think chris is going to say something at buck’s bedside about buck promising to stay with him after shannon died. Chris is gonna have a bone to pick with buck and demand that he not die, or at least sweetly plea that he stay with him because he mean so much to him.

I kinda need the show to close that loop on chris’ end. We already got eddie’s clear acknowledgment of buck as more than just a coworker/friend who’s welcome at the diaz house; we need chris’ equivalent. Now that he’s older he can articulate what buck means to him as a father figure. I don’t know what words would feel best given the situation but I really want something along the lines of you’re always there for me, you take care of me, and you promised you wouldn’t leave me!

In other news, this show is going to be the END OF ME. *incoherent screaming*

[navalcriminalimagines]

Taken & Found - 1

Request 1: Hey there! I'd really like to see a comforting Gibbs after the reader was kidnapped?

Request 2: Could ya do something with the reader being kidnapped and tortured in captivity for a long time and after she was rescued and came back Gibbs tries to get her to talk about what happened to her so he can figure out how to help/comfort her?

Request 3: May I request something with Gibbs and scared reader? Maybe they’re like trapped somewhere or she’s going under for a surgery? You can decide reader’s fate!

This is a two-part fic. This part is basically full angst, focused on Gibbs and the comforting, healing focus on Reader will come in the second part. I wanted to separate both.

Pairing: Gibbs x Reader

TW: angst, kidnapping, mention of suicide, depression, slight alcoholism

Words count: 3k

Tags: @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @madamsnape921 @specialagentastra @ncisfan @zetasaturno99

She was supposed to be thirty-five years old today.

And it was one of those very rare days Gibbs didn’t want to get out of bed.

He spent the night working on his boat in the basement, thinking about what his life would be if anything had happened. But he would never know, would he? No matter how bad he wished Shannon and Kelly weren’t dead, how bad he wished you were here with him… all of this happened. And he found himself alone in his basement.

Well, not entirely alone. He had a bottle of bourbon to keep him company, and Fraser, an old black labrador. Your old black lab. Your furry baby, as you used to say.

You rescued it when it was just a puppy, a couple of years before you joined NCIS. So, Gibbs has always known you with this loving thing. At some point, you would even take him to the office and Fraser’s favorite spot was under Gibbs’s desk.

Gibbs never wanted to get attached to the dog. Fraser wasn’t his, it was yours and he respected that. But somehow, you both made your way to his heart.

But only Fraser was still here.

Taking a sip of bourbon directly out of the bottle, his eyes landed on your pet, curled up in the armchair Gibbs put here years ago after you made a remark. “You know, you should put something down here. An armchair or something for people who visit.” You said, while caressing the wood with your fingertips. God did he wish he was the boat at this very moment.

“People who visit never stick around.” He answered, sternly.

“I stick around,” you grinned.

Indeed, you did stick around. A lot. Probably too much.

Would’ve saved him the heartbreak if you didn’t.

A week later, an armchair was down his basement.

With the bottle still in his hand, Gibbs sat next to Fraser and started to toy the blankie. Well, technically, it was not a blankie. It was a tee-shirt. One of yours. The one you left at his house, two years ago.

The top, representing one of your favorite bands, was destroyed now. Fraser chewed it, curled against it nonstop for two years, it was now just some cotton with dog’s hair on it. It didn’t have your smell anymore, it had Fraser’s, but Gibbs never had the strength to take it away from the dog to wash it.

He never had the strength to do much after you disappeared.

When it was clear to the team that you had been taken, kidnapped, abducted or whatever, Gibbs searched for you for weeks, probably mouths. He still does, to be honest, just not 24/7 anymore.

The first weeks, he asked - or actually, ordered - Abby to take care of Fraser. Gibbs was spending all of his time away, looking for you, he couldn’t take care of someone - well, a living thing. The lab tech happily obliged, but Fraser’s health quickly deteriorated. The dog wasn’t eating, or drinking. All he did was lay on the floor, waiting for his mum to come back.

“What, Abby? I don’t—“ not a welcoming way to answer the phone but she didn’t hold it against him.

“I know you’re busy, Gibbs, but I’m taking Fraser to the vet. He’s not okay at all.”

Abby heard her boss taking a deep breath. “Which vet? I’ll be here as soon as I can.”

The dog was clearly letting himself die. Without you, he didn’t see the point of living and Gibbs understood that. If he told anyone what he did after he got Fraser from the vet, they would think he was crazy. Maybe he was, but he didn’t care at this point. He didn’t care about anything, anymore.

Fraser was depressed and there was nothing the vet could do about it. So, they let Gibbs take him home.

And he took him home. His real home; your apartment. Fraser immediately lay on your bed and cried. “You’re reading my mind, Fra.” Gibbs muttered to himself, while preparing a bowl for the pet.

Gibbs had been in your room a few times, but he never paid attention to your stuff. All his attention was on you and your body when it happened. But as he was sitting on the floor, his back against your bed, he allowed himself to take a look around. It was very much you. Minimalist with your touch. He saw your guitar, your messy wardrobe, candles and some Polaroid pictures of people you love. Gibbs never paid attention to those pictures until this moment and one grabbed his attention.

A picture of him. You could see him from afar, aiming to throw a ball. He remembered that night but he never knew you took a picture.

Ziva had invited him to throw a few balls on a baseball field. It was a nice summer night and they had just saved many people from getting blown up. It was also the first night you kissed him. In his basement, you teased him like you always did and ended up with your lips on his. He wasn’t ready for it at that moment, and when he realised what had happened, you were already gone.

Gibbs held the picture in his hand and before sitting back exactly where he was, he went to the kitchen, grabbed what he had prepared and came back.

Fraser was still laying on your bed, his face on your pillow. Gibbs carried him in his arms, the labrador didn’t even fight back or anything. He put him in front of the bowl and Gibbs sat across. “You wanna die, Fra, huh?” The dog looked at him with horrifying sadness in his eyes. “You and me both, buddy. So let’s do this.”

Gibbs put the picture next to the bowl and grabbed his gun and the bottle of whiskey. “I know you know that salmon. Eat it, choke, and when you take your last breath, I’ll pull the trigger.” He said, pressing the gun against his temple.

Fraser is deadly allergic to salmon. When he was a few months old, you fed him some and the reaction was almost instantaneous. Luckily, you took him to the vet right on time for them to save him. “Salmon is banned from the house.” you said on the ride home.

The dog didn’t move one bit. With his face still resting on the floor, he kept looking at the man. Gibbs swore he saw tears in the damn dog’s eyes. “So? Whatcha waiting for? Eat it. It’s good salmon, trust me.” He said, drinking the brown liquor.

If Fraser could talk, he would’ve told him; ‘I may let myself die, but you’re damn crazy.’ Which would’ve been fair.

Gibbs was going crazy. It was the last straw. The last punch in the guts he could take. He had reached his limit.

He was finally letting himself love again and get loved in return. And someone took that away from him. All over again.

He got it, the universe hates him for some reasons. Why would he keep pushing it then?

Gibbs stayed up all night, drinking and waiting for Fraser to eat the fish and die. So he could pull the trigger and end this once and for all.

But Fra never did. Instead, around 5am, the dog went to grab something from the bathroom and put it on Gibbs’ lap. It was one of his hoodies. A hoodie you stole from him. Gibbs buried his nose in it and he could smell you. For the first time in many years, he let himself cry. He cried like a fucking baby, under the watch of your fucking dog.

At some point, he felt that Fraser was trying to nudge his nose in the hoodie too. “We’ll find her, Fra. We have to.”

If Gibbs had killed himself, along with Fraser, it would’ve meant you were gone forever. Because eventually, people would’ve stopped looking for you. They would’ve stopped thinking about you and just pretended you’re dead.

But Gibbs knew you weren’t dead. He knew it deep inside him. Because if you were dead, Fraser would’ve eaten the salmon and he would’ve pulled the trigger.

Laying in his bed, Gibbs turned on his side and found himself face to face with Fraser. The dog was sleeping and snoring. That’s what he does most of his time. Fra was still depressed, but he didn’t let himself die anymore. He eats and drinks the bare minimum. He doesn’t play anymore though. He used to be a happy, playful and loving dog. Now he’s just laying around, waiting for you to come back.

Just like Gibbs.

They both lost weight. Gibbs didn’t even bother to look at himself in the mirror anymore. He hadn’t been to the hairdresser in a while. His hair was longer than it has never been, and his beard was prominent now. You would probably freak out if you saw him like this. You would order him to shave and get his marine haircut back. You would feed him - and Fraser - until they are full. He just wished you were here.

He reached for Fraser’s head and pet him for a moment. “The boat is done and I can’t even offer it to her.” He sadly whispered. It’s been his plan a long time before you were gone. Building a boat after and for you. Now it was your thirty-fifth birthday, the boat was fucking done but he coudn’t teach you how to operate it like he promised.

For the next two weeks, Gibbs would stay in the basement, and stare at the finished product. There was nothing left to do on it, so he just sat behind the wheel, files on his lap and bourdon in one hand. His use of alcohol has never been higher than it is now. You’d scold him if you knew.

Maybe he’s self-destructing, hoping you’d show up and make everything right again. It was stupid, since you didn’t leave on your own. You were taken. Someone took you, and god knows what they were doing to you. This awoke a rage he never knew he had. He’d kill that - or those - person with his bare hands if he ever has a chance.

A month after your birthday, Gibbs was basically falling asleep in his boat, relatively drunk. Fraser was on his lap - he doesn’t realise he’s not a puppy anymore - when the dog shot his head up. “Easy, that’s just Fornell.” Gibbs mumbled, recognizing his friend’s footsteps.

“My two favorite depressed boys.” Tobias greeted them. He gently patted Fraser’s head and looked at his friend. “I need you to sober up, Gibbs. We need to talk about something important.”

“Just say whatever you have to say. I’m not that drunk.”

“Yeah, right.” Tobias grabbed the bottle from Gibbs’s hand and checked how empty it was. But Tobias knew only one thing would make him react, so he went straight to the point. “It’s about Y/N, Gibbs. Get your ass—“

Before the FBI agent could finish his sentence, Gibbs had practically thrown Fraser away. The poor dog looked at him with hurt in his eyes. It was only then that Gibbs saw the file his friend was holding against his chest. He didn’t think twice and tore it out of his grip. Tobias let him.

There wasn’t much in the file, just a picture.

A picture of you.

You looked different, thinner, your hair was shorter and in a completely different color. You looked like a homeless woman.

Gibbs’s jaw dropped. His head was spinning so fast, he needed to sit again. He touched the picture with his fingertips so softly, hoping it was like touching you. A lot of things were going through his mind at this moment, he actually drew a blank. “It was taken two days ago. In Wyoming.”

Gibbs didn’t need more.

Tobias had everything planned before he showed up at Gibbs’s place. One of the FBI private planes was waiting for them, in order to take them off to Wyoming. He had asked Emily if she could dogsit Fraser for a few days, and he even called Vance to let him know he was taking Gibbs with him.

In the plane, he told Gibbs how he came across this picture and all of the info he had, which wasn’t much to be honest. As far as they knew, you were in one city of Wyoming two days ago. Maybe you were gone by now.

But all Gibbs could focus on was that picture. He didn’t take his eyes off it since he opened the file. This was you. You were alive. Whatever happened, whatever the reasons you found yourself here, you were fucking alive.

Tobias looked at his friend. He’ll spend the rest of his life pretending he didn’t see the tear rolling down his cheek. “How you feeling?” He tentatively asked.

“I—I don’t know. It’s a lot.”

“She’s alive. We know it. We’ll find her.”

“I’ve always known she was alive.”

No doubt he did.

It was hard for Tobias to tame Gibbs after they landed. The agent was already barking orders at everybody and anybody, he was ready to organize a fucking manhunt to find you. But the first place they went was where the picture was taken. Gibbs spent hours in the area, while Tobias went to see the local cops. When he tried to check on Gibbs, the man never answered.

In the picture, you were looking at the surveillance camera. You knew you were being watched. You did it on purpose, Gibbs was sure of it. You must have left a clue somewhere around.

You looked scared, someone must have been following you. But he knew from what Tobias said; there wasn’t much more on the video. You were briefly seen and then disappeared, again. “Talk to me, Y/N.” Gibbs thought to himself while looking around.

It was only around noon that it hit him. He finally saw it.

Right there on the graffiti wall.

“Born to lose, live to win.”

Your handwriting. This sentence. Your tattoo.

You must have written this to let him know he should look at this wall. So he did. He studied those graffitis for a long moment, until he saw what he needed to see.

Numbers. GPS coordinates.

He called McGee, not paying attention to the missed calls he had. He gave him the coordinates and Tim gave him an address.

Was that it? The nightmare was finally over? He would go to this address, find you and take you home. Finally.

Fucking finally.

He felt dizzy while running to the address. It wasn’t that far away, and there was no way he’d wait for Fornell or a cab. So, he jogged to this fucking house. When he was standing in front of it, his heart was beating so fast, he thought it would stop.

But he couldn’t die now. He would die after he found you but not now.

He didn’t care about procedures or anything. He grabbed his gun, and let himself in the house by knocking out the door. A man was sitting there, on the couch.

The house was pure filth. The man seemed to be a bit younger than him, and he looked like a psychopath. Which he is, considering he took you.

The man was standing in his living room, his hands up as Gibbs pointed the gun at him. In a flash, Gibbs was standing right in front of the man, the gun pressed against his throat. The man looked scared, he didn’t even try to fight. “What the hell, man? Who are you? What do—“

“Shut your mouth. Where is she?” Gibbs asked, suppressing the urge to beat the man to death right now. That would come later. He needed to find you first.

“Who? There’s no—“

Gibbs’s knee hit him right in his crotch and that bastard fell on the floor. “You’re living the final hour of your life, you better tell me where the hell is Y/N, before I watch life leaving your fucking eyes.”

“I—I—“

Seeing his hesitation, Gibbs punched him. “Where?!” He yelled, but the man stayed silent. “Fine.”

Gibbs grabbed the guy by his collar to put him back up. He was physically impressive, but the adrenaline running through Gibbs’s veins gave him incredible strength. He threw him on the first chair he saw and immediately cuffed him to it. He punched him once more, harder this time.

His nose and lips were bloody, but of course it wasn’t enough. Gibbs fought a lot in his life. To defend himself or to arrest someone, but never, had he been filled with that much rage and anger. He didn’t think twice before his boot hit the man directly in his face, knocking him unconscious. He stared as the man fell on the floor along with the chair he was cuffed to.

He needed to find you. Right now.

No need to be a federal agent to know a psychopath would hold you captive somewhere private.

So he immediately looked for a basement, which he quickly found and he saw the door.

A reinforced door with quite a few locks. Keys. He needed keys that he found in the man’s pocket. Although he was still laying on the floor, fighting to regain consciousness, Gibbs kicked him again, in the stomach this time. He wasn’t holding back his strength one bit. He will kill him anyway.

As he was unlocking the door, his hands were shaking like they never did before. His heart was still pounding in his chest. He still felt dizzy.

He was sure his heart actually stopped when he spotted you on the one-person bed. You were holding your knees against your chest. It was dark, but it was you. You were there, a few feet in front of him. He didn’t even know what to do.

But you did.

When you realised who was standing in front of you, you weakly jumped off the bed and rushed into his arms.

The only thing that kept you alive all this time; knowing that he would find you.

You felt even smaller than you already were. With your arms wrapped around his waist, your face buried in his chest, Gibbs felt you crying.

He slowly wrapped his arms around you, afraid it wasn’t real. Afraid he may hurt you. Afraid you would disappear again. “You found me.” he heard you whispering.

That he did.

[word-scribbless]

Oh baby part 8

Wooo this one has been in the works for a while! Sorry for the delay life has been very busy! @leroyjethrogibbsgirl and I are very excited for this chapter and the next (this one had to be cut off because it was getting super long so part 9 will pick up right where this one leaves off). We also have a little extra thing in the works we’re excited about!

We’re also very excited about a new character introduced in this chapter!

Side note this chapter and the next deal with some PTSD and anxiety so if that’s a trigger just be warned.

Masterlist

————————

The 3 months after Jethro and the girls were reunited were not the easiest. Both Gibbs and his little girl were having nightmares and Y/N was trying her best to pretend she wasn’t having panic attacks every morning when Gibbs left.

While difficult, it was also a very snuggle and love filled 3 months. Their little family did anything the could together. They would snuggle every night before bed, spend days off together (like usual) but they didn’t take a single second for granted.

“Hey you” Y/N greeted.

“Morning” Gibbs smiled and kissed her while scooping Amelia up off the counter.

“Making breakfast together?” Y/N asked as she smiled at the stack of pancakes. “Pancakes on a weekday?” She questioned with a smile

“Yeah, we were up. Figured we’d spend our time making momma’s favorite.”

“Momma loves CAKES! Wiff chippies” Amelia shouted as she moved to hug her mom.

Y/N couldn’t help but smile at her little girl and her husband, but something in her gut told her the reason they’d been up was because they were woken up by their nightmares.

“Rough night?” Y/N whispered to Gibbs when Amelia was distracted.

“Mhm, easier for both of us to just get up.” He said and Y/N frowned.

“Please wake me up next time? She can nap and I only have 1 class this semester, you are our super hero you need sleep!”

“I know” he smiled “just needed some time with her.”

Y/N understood, and wished she would wake up when Gibbs had nightmares, because he’d never wake her up. However her own daily panic attacks took so much out of her, she slept like a rock.

“Just wish you’d let me be there for you too.”

“Ya need your sleep”

“I need to know that you’re okay.”

He just nodded and kissed her head. Truly none of them were okay, but Y/N and Gibbs knew that together they’d get there eventually.

It was quickly approaching Amelia’s 2nd birthday and they were all using that to distract them. It probably wasn’t the best idea but both Gibbs and Y/N knew if they focused on their little girl then they’d be alright.

PTSD however, doesn’t care that it’s a few days from your daughters birthday. The Gibbs family found that out one night when Y/N came home from dropping Amelia off so she and Jethro could get party supplies for the weekend. Y/N walked into the house and noticed a side table flipped, and a vase broken. A few boxes were off the shelves and maganizes off the coffee table. Y/N automatically reached for her phone to call Gibbs and panic set in when his phone rang on the couch.

She stalked slowly to the basement where she head sobs. She ran down the stairs to find her husband curled up on the floor crying with two crumpled up papers in his hand.

“Baby, hey” she cooed and kneeled next to him. She winced when he shrunk away and pulled his hand away from hers.

“Jethro, hey” she tried again. “It’s just me can- can I help?”

She heard him sniffle but he didn’t move.

“Okay I- I’m just going to sit right here. if and when you’re ready I’ll be here. If you want me to go just tap my hand once.” She said, trying to keep her voice even. She wasn’t new to panic attacks at all of course.

She knew that with Gibbs and his PTSD from everything in his life, this was most likely an episode. He usually hid them from her, much like she did with her panic. After this, she knew that they would have to try harder to talk about it.

She waited for him to tap her hand to ask her to leave, she knew how much being alone helps him process. Much to her surprise, when she did feel him touch her hand it wasn’t a tap, it was him sliding his fingers through hers.

“Can I hold you?” She whispered after a few minutes of holding his hand.

He nodded slightly and she wasted no pulling him into her chest.

“I-I-I” he stammered.

“Shhhh” she assured as she stroked his hair. “We can talk in a minute baby, just breath. Can I see what you have?” She asked pointing to the crumpled papers. He nodded and tried to smooth them out a bit before holding them out to her.

She gasped as she saw what they were. It was a stack of letters, half from her that she had written from the safe house a few months ago and half from Shannon, that she had written from protective custody before they were killed.

Tears came to her eyes as she realized just how much it hurt him when they had to go away.

“Aw baby” she said as she kissed his head.

“We’re here, we’re safe. I’m so sorry you had to go through this again.”

“I- I found the letters and thought about how I lost them and I almost lost you and Amelia and I- I can’t lose you.” He cried into her chest. “I just- god it hurt all over again reading these”

“I know, I know” she said, tears falling slowly.

“Has this been happening a lot?” She asked him after about 20 minutes of just holding him.

“Not this bad” he admitted.

“I um- my panic has been bad too. I have been thinking about seeing some one, think maybe you should too.”

“Y/N-“ he started to argue.

“I’m not asking you to spill your guts, just try it?”

He nodded and took a deep breath “I’ll think about it.” He said and she knew that was the most she’d get for now.

Later that night as they were wrapping Amelia’s presents Gibbs finally remembered what she had said about her own panic.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were panicking again?” He asked, wrapping his arms around her from behind.

She leaned back into him and sighed. “I just was hoping it’d go away”

He nodded, getting that more then she knew.

“You gonna get help?” He murmured.

“I actually made an appointment yesterday, thinking about going back on meds.” She had been on them back when Ryan had first died but slowly cut back.

He nodded.

“Had one when I was with meals the other day... I- I- have to be okay for her.” She said and snuggled further into his grip.

He nodded and marveled at how strong and fearless his wife was. She would do anything for their little girl and he wouldn’t even go talk to someone after breaking down. He couldn’t, he just had to keep going. He thought if he was ‘strong’ enough he’d be able to fix them all, even though he knew Y/N would tell him being ‘strong’ didn’t mean you didn’t need help. He just never knew how to ask for it.

The next day Gibbs went in to work for a few hours, Andi and Josh still had Amelia until her party that night. Y/N had her therapy appointment and had to pick up her new medicine. She had one more stop to make.

She had set up the the perfect gift for not just amelia but her whole family.

She pulled into the drive way a few hours later and smiled to see Gibbs truck already there. He had made Amelia her first “Big Girl Bed” complete with railings on the side that they could remove to sit and read to her or when she didn’t need them anymore, and was planning to put it together in her room that afternoon. She smiled at the new member of their family in the back seat.

“Alright bud, hope dad isn’t too mad at me for this” she said and smiled as her new “son” barked from the back seat.

Y/N knew Gibbs loved dogs and that even if he wouldn’t admit he needed help to any other humans, maybe he’d let a dog help him.

She had contacted a program that trains dogs for people with panic disorder and PTSD. She also knew that a puppy would work wonders for their little girl who still woke up From nightmares every few nights. As soon as she saw this particular pup she knew he was theirs.

She walked into the house with the dog following close behind her.

“Jethro” she yelled and she heard “up here” from Amelia’s room.

“Can you come down real quick?”

“In a minute”

He said and she smiled and patted the dogs head as she heard her husband’s foot steps.

“Uh Y/N” he said when he spotted she wasn’t alone.

“Hi”

“Why do you have a dog”

“Meet Sniper, your new puppy son.” Y/N said as she nodded to sniper to go and see the man.

Gibbs smirked and leaned down to pet the dog who had moved to greet his new owner.

“Hi handsome” he said taking the dog’s head in his hands and scratching his cheeks.

“You got her a dog?” He questioned looking up.

“Got us a dog.”

Gibbs smiled and shook his head.

“You’re crazy” he laughed and kissed the dog’s head.

“So you like him”

“He’s our son now...of course I like him” he laughed and she smiled wide, sitting down next to him.

“Sniper huh?” He asked with a grin.

“Thought you’d like that” y/N smiled and he kissed her head.

“He’s trained for families who have members battling panic and ptsd”

“You did this for me?” He asked and she can tell he is a little apprehensive.

“You’re not the only one I did this for Jethro. He is trained for kids who have been through trauma as well.”

“You here to help us buddy?” He asked and smiled when the dog barked happily.

“Just like how we help each other.” Y/N said.

He smiled and kissed her, “you’re crazy, and incredible.” He laughed and hugged her to him.

“Meals is gonna love you” he said to sniper. “Hope you like hugs.” He continued and laughed as Sniper almost leaned his body weight into him, waiting for a hug.

Yeah, she made the right choice, she thought as she watched her husband with sniper.

It was almost time for Andi to bring Amelia home. They had decorated the whole house, Gibbs had finished her ���big girl bed” they had put a big bow on it and Sniper was laying on his own bed next to hers with a big bow on his head.

Y/N opened the door while Gibbs stayed upstairs to keep sniper in his spot.

“Hi baby! Happy party day darling!”

“Hi momma!!!! Where poppa!”

“Well, you get most of your presents from momma and poppa on your actual birthday tomorrow, but you get two surprises from us today! They are in your room with poppa, should we go see?”

“Yeahhhhh” she squealed

“Poppa I home!” She yelled and swung the door open stopping in her tracks.

“Hi baby! Happy almost birthday!”

“Rrruff” sniper barked happily and wagged his tail.

“Amelia wanna come meet sniper?”

She nodded and walked over to her dad and the dog.

“He our doggie?”

“He is baby” Gibbs laughed and she pet him.

“I has a puppy brover?”

“Yup you have a puppy brother and poppa made you something too.”

“A BIG GIRL BED!” She yelled jumping up on it.

“Puppy come on my big girl bed?”

“Sure sweets, sniper can go up.” Y/N said looked at the dog “go ahead” she said and the dog jumped up and started licking Amelia’s face.

“I LUV PIP-ER”

Gibbs laughed at how the little girl said sniper and smiled as he watched Y/N join the love fest.

“Come on gunny” Y/N said as she motioned Gibbs to join them. He shook his head and plopped down on the bed sandwiching sniper and Amelia between him and Y/N. Feeling all the more lucky for the ladies and now gentleman in his life.

————-

Next chapter

@mac99martin @kittenlittle24 @drakelover78 @hopscotchandlemon @viper-official @viper-official @ilovemark1951 @theofficialzivadavid @averyhotchner @andreasworlsboring101 @diesinspanishbcimhispanic

[extasiswings]

How we feeling clowns?  Wrecked?  Anyway, here, have an episode tag for both the crossover and Buck Begins.  Also on ao3.

Eddie’s driving nearly on autopilot, the roads familiar as they get closer and closer to El Paso. Part of him almost wishes he hadn’t taken the driving shift to get them to his childhood home, even if it made the most sense—he can feel the tension in his jaw and shoulders creeping in, curling tighter with every mile they come closer, and his fingers itch for his phone, for the commiserating sympathies of his sisters who understand what he’s likely to walk into much more than Buck or Hen. 

Technically they could have skipped the detour. Eddie hadn’t even planned on telling his parents he was coming to Texas at all—it was Christopher who let it slip, and then Eddie had been immediately put on the spot and he hadn’t been able to come up with a good way out of stopping by after his weak deflection that it wasn’t a social trip was met with well, you have to stop and eat somewhere, don’t you. 

Sophia told him to lie and say the department said no. But she’s always been much better at lying to their parents outright than he is. Adriana shrugged and said if he didn’t want to go he didn’t need to give them a reason and should just say he wouldn’t be coming. But then, that’s her tactic as well and always has been—putting her foot down to establish hard boundaries, forging her own path and bucking all expectations.  Eddie’s always fallen somewhere in the middle, which he supposes is fitting—struggling to set boundaries, often getting there only when pushed, wanting approval but lacking Sophia’s talent for gentle manipulation that usually leads people to think that whatever she wants was their idea. 

So. Here he sits. Driving to El Paso. 

“Eddie?”

He blinks and clears his throat as he registers Buck’s voice, the edge of concern that says it’s not the first time Buck has called his name. 

“Yeah?”

“I was going to ask if you could pass back the aux cord,” Buck says. “But now I think I should ask if you’re okay.”

Eddie glances over his shoulder—Hen is in the back of the truck, head pillowed against the window, dozing with her eyes closed.  He swallows. 

“It’s been awhile since I’ve seen my parents is all,” he replies. “And usually when they call it’s to talk to Christopher so...it might be uncomfortable.”

Buck’s voice drops. “Have you talked to them since the thing? Other than about this I guess.”

The Thing, also known as the huge fight they got into when Eddie decided that if he was going to keep working he couldn’t live at home for awhile and they tried to once again insist that he take Chris back to live with them. Like some terrible combination of the arguments they had before he moved to LA and after Shannon’s funeral, only even worse because Eddie had been raw enough over the decision to move in with Buck and let his abuela take care of Chris for awhile and really didn’t need to hear anyone tell him that choice made him a bad parent—

Sophia had been spitting mad when he told her and while he doesn’t know what she said in her own subsequent call to their parents, he knows that the next time they called him, the subject didn’t come up again.  Which, he supposes is as close to an apology as he’s ever likely to get.  

He probably could have used that as an excuse to not visit.  But then, that’s not really how they are.  Don’t apologize, pretend you don’t hold grudges, act like everything is fine, and repress until it feels like it is—the Diaz family way.  

Eddie sighs as he focuses on the road.

“Not really,” he replies.  “They’ve called Christopher every few weeks, but we’ve only talked directly...three times maybe since then?  Things seem to go south more quickly when we’re in person though so I guess I’m…”

“Bracing for impact,” Buck fills in quietly.  “I get that.”

“Yeah?”

Buck shrugs.  “I don’t talk about my parents,” he points out.  “Don’t talk to them either if I can avoid it because they always have a way of managing to just—anyway.  The last time I even called was after everything with Maddie and Doug.  Haven’t seen them since...since before I started with the 118 at least. So.  Yeah.  I get it.”

He hesitates, then adds, “You know I have your back, right?  You’re my best friend and you’re an amazing father.  I’m not going to let anybody get away with talking badly about you in front of me, even if they are your parents.”

Eddie glances back and manages a faint smile, some of the tension leaving his shoulders.  

“I’m glad you’re here,” he admits.  “Even if you did try to steal a fire truck in the middle of the night without me.”

Buck laughs and shoves at his shoulder.  “At least it wasn’t this truck.  Besides—you caught up before I did it anyway.”    

“Yeah, my Buck’s about to do something dangerous senses were tingling, couldn’t let that slide,” Eddie teases.

“Just give me the damn aux cord,” Buck shoots back, but he’s grinning.

And as they pass the next exit, Eddie feels like maybe things won’t be quite so bad.

***

Buck hates Eddie’s parents.  

It’s not the most charitable thing to think about someone you’ve only just officially met—he saw them at the ceremony when Eddie passed his probationary period, but he’d been on pretty strong painkillers at the time and Maddie had shuffled him back home as soon as possible—but he really does.

He hates the tense, anxious set of Eddie’s shoulders, hates the way his smile looks forced—it triggers the same fierce, protective instinct that rears its head whenever he gets between his parents and Maddie, and, well, he did promise, so—

He really doesn’t feel bad for interrupting the very first digs about how seeing Christopher over video isn’t the same as in person, but it’s nice to have the option and technology really is wonderful, Zoom calls must have been a great improvement from your army days, right son with—

“You know, it is wonderful isn’t it?  Did Eddie tell you how amazing Christopher is handling hybrid learning?  It’s really so great how his teachers have adapted, I can’t imagine he would have kept up so well anywhere else.”

Buck smiles brightly as Eddie’s mother’s lips thin.  Hen coughs and takes a long sip of lemonade.  Eddie blinks in surprise from across the table and clears his throat, grasping at the lifeline.

“Yeah, top of his class,” Eddie says.  

“He even has a reading group once a week with some of the other kids in his class that Eddie started to help them stay social.  I know a lot of the other parents appreciate it,” Buck adds, and Eddie rubs at the back of his neck.

“We definitely do,” Hen says, glancing at Eddie’s father as she clarifies, “I have a son Christopher’s age.  They used to play together all the time before all of this.”

“His therapist said kids are resilient, but I wanted to at least try and give him something normal,” Eddie replies, and his mother’s brows raise.

“Christopher is in therapy?”  There’s a note in her tone that makes Eddie tense and Buck’s hackles raise.

“I took him to see someone for a few sessions after Shannon died, mom,” Eddie says evenly.  After the tsunami, Buck fills in for himself.  “It didn’t seem like a bad idea to go back again to make sure he’s okay during a time that’s pretty unprecedented for just about everyone.” 

“Really, I think more parents should send their kids to therapy,” Buck interjects.  “If it’s a feasible option, I can’t see that it’s anything other than great parenting to make sure your kid has the best tools they can to take care of their mental health.”

God knows if he’d gone to therapy a hell of a lot sooner, he might not be struggling through sessions with Dr. Copeland now that he’s nearly thirty, but that’s not really the point.

“Well, some people feel those sorts of things are best taken care of within the family,” Eddie’s mother replies.

“With all due respect, sometimes the family’s way of handling problems just makes things worse,” Buck replies, his smile dropping briefly before he forces it back again.

“This lemonade really is delicious, Mrs. Diaz,” Hen jumps in as Eddie pushes his chair back and starts collecting empty plates.  “I would love to get the recipe before we leave.  If you don’t mind.” 

Startled, the older woman blinks.  “Oh.  Yes, of course.  I’ll write it down for you.”

Buck pushes back his own chair as Hen continues redirecting the conversation and follows Eddie into the kitchen where he finds his best friend gripping the edge of the sink.

“Hey,” he says quietly.  

Eddie looks over his shoulder and exhales heavily.  “Hey.”

“Sorry if I overstepped.”

“You didn’t,” Eddie assures.  “I’m just...exhausted.  And ready to get back on the road and home to my kid.”

He hesitates, then adds, “you know, my sisters would be impressed.  I haven’t seen someone manage our parents like that since they left.  I—thank you.”

“I meant what I said in the truck, Eddie,” Buck replies.  “You’re an amazing father and a great man and—it’s not right that anyone should pretend any different.  So.  I won’t let them.”   

Eddie glances at the hallway.  “Guess we have to go back eventually.  I didn’t quite think this escape plan through.”  

“Once more unto the breach?”  Buck offers.  The smile he gives Eddie is far different from the fake one he’s had up since they arrived, and when Eddie returns it, a spark returning to his eyes, it makes Buck’s stomach flip and his pulse race.

He tries not to think too hard about that.  They still have a long drive ahead of them—plenty of time to save it for later.    

“Yeah.  Yeah, okay.”

***

When they get home, Eddie barely manages to shower and plug in his phone to charge before falling into bed and immediately going to sleep.  When he wakes up, he finally checks his messages and sees several missed calls and texts from his sisters.

So? Sophia asks.  How was it?

<em>You were right</em>, Eddie taps out, and then waits. His phone rings a few seconds later. 

“I’ll save the I told you so in favor of asking if I should get Adriana on the line for an emergency Diaz sibling parental grievance vent session or if I’ll suffice,” Sophia greets. 

“It’s not that serious,” Eddie replies. “I’m okay—a little annoyed still, but...I’m okay.”

He’s not quite sure what compels him to add, “Buck was there. He, uh, he told them off about it a little actually. Politely, but that kind of polite...you know the one.”

“The one that’s basically go fuck yourself with a smile and/or plausible deniability?” Sophia fills in, and Eddie laughs. 

“Yeah, that.” He rubs at the back of his neck and leans back in his chair. “It was—he kept pointing out things about what a great dad I am.”

There’s something about the feeling in his gut that he can’t name. Something he wants to poke at, to explore, but that also makes him wary. Like a yellow caution light—it’s not a do not enter but it’s not risk free either—and he’s not sure whether it’s a risk he can take yet. 

Sophia is quiet for a moment. Then she says, “You are a great dad, Eddie. In spite of them. I’m glad you have other people in your life who recognize that too.  You deserve that.  You deserve to trust that you’re good at things, even if mom and dad say you aren’t.  You deserve to be happy, so...”

The silence that follows feels weighty.  

“What?”  Eddie asks.

“Is Buck—?”  Sophia cuts herself off.  “—nevermind.  Hey, the twins are calling, so I’ll call back again later, okay?  Love you.”

Is Buck what? Eddie wants to ask.  But he swallows it back.

“Love you, too,” he says instead.  “Talk to you later.”

As he hangs up and tosses his phone aside, his mind wanders back to that feeling.  Right up to the edge of warning lights and caution tape.  And Eddie wonders for a moment if he should—

There’s a knock at his door.  

“Dad?  You awake?”

“Yeah, buddy,” he calls back.  “Be right there.”

Later.  He can think about it later.  

***

Eddie figures it out at the worst possible time—in the middle of a five-alarm fire when Buck’s trapped inside and he doesn’t know if—

What do you do when you realize you might be in love with your best friend and they could die?

“We have to go back in there,” he says, before he can think of any reason why he shouldn’t.  “We can’t just leave him, we have to—”

“You’re right,” Bobby interrupts, and the other captain makes a noise of frustration.  

“Captain Nash—”

“You’re right,” Bobby repeats, holding Eddie’s gaze.  “We’re going to get him back.”

Maybe it’s stupid, four trained firefighters diving back into an active blaze in an unstable building with unclear direction, but Eddie can’t regret it when he sees the desperation on Buck’s face.  The relief.  The impending breakdown.

After, he’s assigned to take care of the victim and Buck’s carted off to the hospital to get checked, and Eddie thinks maybe that’s better.  It gives him time, at least.  Time to figure out what to say, what to do, whether he should say or do anything at all.  Part of him doesn’t know.  The rest is screaming I love him, I love him, I love him, wants to get his hands on Buck to verify for himself that he’s fine.  That he’s alive.  That he’s going to stay that way.

But when he gets back to the station, Buck’s parents are there, sitting at the table, and Eddie just—

He thinks about the look on Buck’s face earlier in the shift when he spilled everything, when he explained how he was apparently born just for parts and how he used to throw himself into bad situations because it was the only way to get their attention.

He could ignore them.  But he doesn’t.

“He saved my son, you know,” Eddie says, gripping the top of the staircase as the Buckleys look up.  And it’s probably somewhat insane to keep talking because he knows they don’t even know who he is, but he can’t help it because he just needs them to understand—  “Buck.  He wasn’t even working at the time, he was on medical leave and didn’t know if he would ever be able to be a firefighter again.  But he saved my son in the middle of a tsunami—my then eight-year-old son, and god knows I can’t imagine losing him, I think that would be the worst thing I could possibly go through, and I’m not sure I would survive it, but I didn’t have to because Buck saved him.  And probably twenty other people as well.  That’s just the kind of person he is.  The kind who saves people.”

They don’t say a word, so he keeps going.  “He could have died today.  Because he didn’t want to leave anyone behind.  Because he is a good man, even if he doesn’t ever feel like he’s good enough.  And he hasn’t said a lot about you, but he’s said enough for me to know that while he’s gotten the latter impression from you, he learned the former himself.  He built his life here himself.  So...I don’t know why you’re here, if you want to explain yourselves or just want him to forgive you because you feel guilty, but I just wanted you to know that.  That he’s a good man.  The best man that I know.  And if you’re proud of him for that, he deserves to hear it.  That’s all.”

Eddie walks away then, heart beating too fast, blood rushing in his ears.  

The best man that I know.  And I’m in love with him.

That wasn’t for their ears though.  

It thrums in his veins, the words caught in his throat as he showers, changes, waits for Buck to return to the station.  And when he does, Eddie almost—

But something stops him.  

“You have visitors,” he says instead.  And leaves Buck to it.

Buck finds him in the locker room after.

“So, my parents said they heard stories about me while they were waiting,” he says.  “When I asked them who from, they said they didn’t know, but that I saved their son in a tsunami—and trust me, that got a hell of a lot of questions.”      

Eddie is grateful for the open locker, the excuse to hide his face as he pulls out his street clothes.

“Yeah, well—just because they’re not going to appreciate you doesn’t mean that nobody else does.”

“Eddie.”

Eddie pulls back and takes a breath before looking over at Buck.  There’s a look in Buck’s eyes like he’s trying to piece Eddie together like a puzzle, to work out all the things he hasn’t said.  And Eddie suddenly feels exposed, far more than he had when Buck was sitting in his childhood dining room staring down his own parents.  

“You’re a good man,” Eddie says quietly.  “They should hear that.  And...someone should be willing to defend it.”  

Buck’s quiet for a moment.

“I have to go see Maddie,” he says finally.  “But maybe I could come by later?  And we could...talk?”

“You don’t have to ask, Buck,” Eddie replies.  “You know I—”  I always want you.  “—you’re always welcome.”

Buck watches him in silence for another long moment, then nods.  “Okay.  Okay, I’ll see you later then.”

It’s hours before there’s a knock on the door.  Hours in which Eddie burns dinner and then orders takeout because he’s too busy thinking, hours that he spends trapped in his own head, thinking through all the worst case scenarios, through every what if of how things could go wrong.

But also how they could go right.

And by the time he opens the door, he’s almost ready to just let the words trip off his tongue, but before he can, Buck says—

“Please don’t tell me I’m wrong about this.”

—and kisses him.

Eddie freezes, but before Buck can pull back, he slides a hand around the back of Buck’s neck and kisses him back with everything in him—every bit of thank god you’re alive and I was so afraid and I can’t lose you that he can muster.  By the time Buck pulls away, they’re both breathless. 

“I’m in love with you,” Buck admits.  “I’ve been—”

“Me too,” Eddie replies.  “I thought—I thought you were—”

Buck kisses him again.

“I can’t believe you told off my parents.”

“Well, you told off mine, so—”

Eddie pulls Buck through the door.

“Chris is in his room,” he says quietly.  “But...you should stay for dinner.  And…”

You should stay.  Just stay.

Buck does.  

[popanalysis99]

Darlene Alderson: Analysis

Darlene Alderson is the deuteragonist of the series Mr. Robot. She is the younger sister of the protagonist Elliot Alderson and a fellow hacker in fsociety. In the beginning of the series, she remains much of a mystery but later we get to know a lot about her, especially her importance in the series, especially in Elliot’s life. (Spoilers and Trigger Warning)

Early Life

Darlene was born in 1990. When she was 4, she remembered watching a news report about E Corp being cleared in the Washington Township trial and seeing the lawyer Susan Jacobs become delighted about that news. Unbeknownst to her, Elliot was being sexually abused by her father Edward and Elliot tried to protect her from being his next victim. And when Edward died, her mother Magda began to physically and emotionally abuse her and Elliot, but Darlene got the brunt of it the most. She even adopted a kitten once named Moonpie and built a secret house for her. Her mother found out and forced her to drown it in the lake but Darlene ran away with it instead and gave it away to a woman.

At the age of 5, she was kidnapped by a woman during a family trip to an amusement park. Over there she was treated very nicely and like a princess and it made her feel special. Until the police came in and rescued her. Both her and Elliot’s favourite movie was The Careful Massacre of the Bourgeoisie, which they would often watch with their childhood friend Angela.

How we meet Darlene

Darlene is introduced as a typical rule breaker MPDG who takes a sudden interest on the resident broken bird Elliot, who is constantly freaked out by her advances at first. She is a fellow hacker working on a hack against E Corp. She slowly becomes Elliot’s sidekick and best friend. She helps Elliot restart the hack with the help of the Dark Army one month after the death of Shayla and as they both celebrate, Elliot accidentally kisses her and it is revealed that Darlene is actually his sister, which then leads to a reveal that Mr. Robot is actually Elliot’s split personality.

Taking control of fsociety

After Elliot ends up in prison for hacking into Lenny Shannon and taking Flipper, Darlene ends up taking control of fsociety and picks up from where he left off. She has taken over Susan Jacobs’ house as the base of operations. We even see her having multiple breakdowns, showing that despite having a brave facade, she hasn’t really gotten all of this figured out. She even makes a rousing speech to the members, which would also foreshadow her own position in the future episodes: “We are in a war, and we are on the losing side of it. We are on our knees with guns to our heads, and they are picking us off one by one.”

She even tries to make decisions for the good of the team and is shown to be extremely determined in taking down E Corp. From prison, Elliot helps her out and she recruits Angela to use her position in E Corp to hack the FBI and find out who killed Romero. Fsociety later uncovers the operation Project Berenstain and exposes the FBI for it. But things get out of control when Susan returns and Darlene kills her out of spite for what she did, causing Trenton and Mobley to go on the run.

Then it gets worse when the members get into an accident and get caught and arrested, with one of them escaping and taken to the hospital by Darlene and Cisco, and then as Dom finds them at a diner, A Dark Army shooter kills Cisco, which drastically changes Darlene. After Darlene tries to escape from answering Dom, Dom takes her to the board where she reveals the FBI knows everything. With no other choice, Darlene decides to give in and become a mole.

From badass leader to Dark Army’s prey

So how did this badass hunter become the docile hunted?

Darlene ends up becoming more paranoid for her life, believing the Dark Army is now after her. And side by side she even tries to help Elliot stop Stage 2. She even finds out about Angela gaslighting Elliot for helping the Dark Army, but in vain and realises that she has truly gone mad. She and Elliot then team up to undo the 5/9 hack and in the process tries to sleep with Dom to get the credentials but develops feelings for her in the process. And when she gets kidnapped by the Dark Army along with Elliot and Dom, this is when she becomes their constant prey/butt-monkey. 

In Season 4, Darlene seemed to get worser and weaker after Angela’s death when she became a jaded washout who took in drugs and alcohol to deal with her death, a complete opposite of what we used to see her as, with Elliot having to handle things on his own now. She later tries to get a hold of herself slowly as she tries to help Elliot with taking down the Deus Group and Whiterose, but Elliot constantly pushes her away, but he still lets her help him because he cares for her and is grateful for her.

“Not Acceptable” and “Request Timeout” is when her status as the Dark Army’s “personal butt-monkey” comes into play. First Dom tries to blow her brains off and then knocks her out, then Janice tries to blow her brains off but then Darlene wipes her phone, then she gets tied up with Dom and is about to be tortured with some tools before getting forced to watch Dom get stabbed by Janice. Wait. This doesn’t end there. Then she hears Janice’s tale about how she is so happy to be evil, then Janice makes her cry into giving up Elliot’s location, makes her cry again into thinking Dom’s family will be killed before Dom pulls a gambit and kills Janice and her men. Phew.

Breaking Out

When Elliot suffers from a mental breakdown thanks to the PTSD caused by Vera’s psychological abuse in 4x07. Darlene breaks out of her “butt-monkey” mould and decides to take matters into her own hands and steps up. She makes a new fsociety video doxxing the Deus Group and commits the biggest hack in the history with the help of Elliot and steals all of the money from the accounts of all the members, including Whiterose.

Elliot even acknowledges this when he tells her to complete the last phase of the hack: redistribution of the wealth as the hack is her win, not his. She is elated to celebrate her win with Dom and this is the first time we’ve seen her actually happy in a long time. She then tries to run away with Dom from the Dark Army, but when Dom decides to stay, Darlene becomes vulnerable and explains how she can’t handle on her own, before they part ways.

When Darlene tries to leave for Budapest by herself, she ends up having another panic attack. When a woman asks her if she is okay, Darlene decides not to go to Budapest after all and that she can handle herself.

Being a key to Elliot’s reality

It is revealed at the end of the series that the Elliot we’ve been seeing throughout the series is actually another alter known as the Mastermind and that the real Elliot is trapped in an alternate word he created for him. And the reason why Darlene isn’t in it is because she is said to be his only link to reality. Though it does kinda fall into the “women are the dependant caregivers” trope, it does give a really meaningful and hopeful ending to the series. It means that Elliot and Darlene have only each other and love each other and can heal together after going through so much for past one year. We’ve seen Darlene as a lot of things throughout the series, The MPDG, The Fsociety Leader, The Dark Army’s Butt Monkey and finally the key to Elliot’s reality. And we applaud her for being the heart of the series.

[iconicbuck]

Is he talking to Taylor here? I don't think so. My guess is that Taylor's not even there yet. I feel like this scene is in Bobby and Athena's house. They probably have a small gathering there to celebrate the success of their call. My theory about the "great" line is, Eddie comes to Buck to where he's standing and invited him to his house to finally meet Ana for dinner or whatever. Buck of course agree and he felt like uncomfortable ( I have no proof to back up his discomfort but the way how he looks when he said "great" doesn't look or sound like he's excited or happy) then Eddie is glad Buck agrees and leave him to meet the other people in the area. That moment is when he said "great" and then the doorbell rings signaling Taylor's arrival.

Then here it is, Buck and Taylor finally talking and even said they make a great team.

But what makes Eddie decides to finally introduce Buck to Ana after more than 3 months of dating?

Again, my theory about this came from a pattern of events that happened from the previous episodes. Eddie's impulsive decisions has something to do with Buck's actions. Here's why.

Taylor Kelly was first introduced in 2x06 Dosed episode. Buck clearly show interest on Taylor after rescuing her on that chopper. It was also clear he show his interest when Taylor visited the firehouse for a documentary. Everybody was there to witness, including Eddie.

Shannon was first introduced in 2x07 Haunted episode through Carla's insistence. Carla talked sense to Eddie that Christopher needs his mother though Eddie made it pretty clear he doesn't want Shannon back in his life but because of Carla and the school, he finally gave in and invited Shan to his house. After the argument, he considered reconciling with his wife after the school visit and kissed her. Though hesitant at first, he kissed her again like kissing all his pain away.

Buck jumps back to the dating scene in 2x08 Buck Actually episode. He had sex with Taylor in a public restroom. He even went as far as talking about it to the 118 especially with Bobby. Eddie was there and he heard it. Also, during the episode, Ali's been calling Buck but was hesitant at first. Closing the episode, he finally agreed to meet Ali in a shop. That's when they started dating.

It is now known to everyone that Buck is dating Ali. This is when Eddie finally had sex with his wife in 2x10 Merry Ex-mas episode. After having sex and arguments, Eddie invited Buck instead to join him and Christopher to visit Santa. Buck loves to cry about the military surprised their family videos, Eddie realizes that he fully needs Shannon for Christopher.

Buck and Ali's relationship continues to grow (but there wasn't any build up) Buck finally found an apartment for himself so Ali can stay whenever she wants. Eddie and Shannon's relationship reconciled but it feels like they're both walking on eggshells. The only push that Eddie needs is that when Shannon though she's pregnant but was false alarm. She felt like Eddie looked at her as Chris' mom but not his wife anymore and so she wanted file a divorce and eventually died in 2x17 Careful what you wish for episode.

In 2x18, Ali left Buck. She loves him yes, but she can't handle Buck's job anymore after seeing him almost died.

Season 3 both Buck and Eddie are single. Hmm suspicious.

In Season 4 (LS's crossover episode) Buck was caught staring to Marjan by Hen and Eddie confirmed it by saying "you're staring" looking disappointed. Disappointed Eddie joins Judd, Paul and Marjan instead of his partner. He was intrigued why Buck was staring at her and decides to follows her on Insta. He talks about Buck helping him build the skateboard (It was Buck's idea anyway) and not-so defending him that he's harmless but mostly. It was bordering defending but clearing him while staring at Marjan to get a reaction from her. And later on asked her to follow back Buck in Insta. A mission accomplished for Eddie.

In 4x06, Buck announced the software update to Buck 3.0 - Kinder and Gentler version of himself. It was also his declaration of moving on from the past and starts to look for his future because he was tired of looking behind his shoulder. Eddie processed all the new information and even said that Buck should allow to give himself some time to process. An advice that he's been doing to himself, allowing some time to mourn more. STUCK. Eddie met Ana again. He talked about it to Buck but nothing came out of their conversation. He almost forgot about it when Buck's bratty attitude cornered him in front of his team mates about Ana's love languages (Like as if Eddie knows, right?) Hen, Chim and Bobby interrogates him about her. It was then implied that Eddie has no plans of dating Ana but it was Bobby that pushed him to go back out there to find something real. So Eddie dates Ana in an episode called JINX.

After learning Eddie's date (an implied scenario) Buck let himself back to the market as well in 4x07 and dated Veronica. It ended up in a disaster. He talks about it to Eddie even if the date didn't end well. Information is key.

After learning of Buck's back to dating again, Eddie dates Ana again, in her house. A Math date which he set an alarm for. Eddie did even say she's a terrible Math teacher but a great cook and an amazing woman. Just like a female version of someone. Buck is terrible at Math, can cook and obviously an amazing guy. Buck asked Eddie how was the date and he answered without looking his eye that she taught her MATH. It was an intentional slap to Buck's lack of Math knowledge. Why mention Math? I will never understand. Also, Taylor Kelly is back again. Covering at the same time the 118 attending the call. Buck was with Taylor most of the 6-hour waiting call while the 118 we're almost together. An implication that everyone knows including Eddie that Buck is with Taylor talking to her the whole damn time. So that night an impulse decision was made, he tells Chris that he's seeing someone. Christopher didn't take the news right and went straight to Buck's. Since they didn't show the scene where Eddie picks Chris to Buck's house where most probably he learned that Buck just came from a double date with Taylor and Albert with Veronica, and after learning Taylor called Buck to ask for a miracle, another impulse decision Eddie has made, he let Ana introduce her to his son too soon..

While Buck and Taylor continues to be friends, Eddie and Ana's relationship continues after 3 months of dating as seen by the time jump in 4x10 Parenthood episode.

As you can see, everything that Buck does first, it affects Eddie... In a very SUBTLE WAY. Another perfect example was the lawsuit. Buck's lawyer told Buck to stop communicating to the 118 (including Eddie) until the arbitration. The none contact triggered Eddie's past from Shannon. It was an implication that he put Buck in Shannon's position. The none contact has seen Eddie in an instant downward spiral. His impulsive decisions and constipated emotions led him to jail and almost kill someone in an underground fight club. This is the same person who will do everything for his SON, fyi.

So what I'm trying to say again here is, after the episodes 4x11 and 4x12 where most probably a Buck/Taylor centric episodes, Eddie's gonna make an impulse decision again and invite Buck to finally meet Ana to his house. And Buck, most probably bring Taylor with him. We'll see about that.

[lupinblacktheone]

Adopted

Notes: Hey, guys. This is my first bullet fic ever (is that the name? If someone knows how people call this thing, please let me know). It's centered on Robby and Johnny. I hope you enjoy it!

P.S: Please note that this contain some bad words and mentions to alcohol. If these themes are emotional triggers for you, please don't read. Your mental health comes first. Always.

A few weeks before Shannon Keene gives birth, her – obviously drunk – boyfriend suggests they give up the child.

They do that and break up not much later.

The baby is adopted by a rich family. They name him Robby.

Life goes on, the LaRussos have two more kids after Robby: Samantha and Anthony.

Robby loves to do Karate with dad and Sam and to play videogames with mom and Anthony – she doesn’t like to play; she just wants to spend quality time with her boys.

When the Science teacher talks about Genetics, Robby asks him: “Why don’t I look like no one in my family?”

“Maybe you are adopted”, the man answers.

During dinner, inquires whether he’s adopted or not and what does that mean.

Amanda and Daniel exchange a look. Sam takes Anthony’s little hand and drags him out of the room.

Daniel talks about the night when they met Robby.

He was living in a foster home with an old lady who was friends with Amanda’s parents. She couldn’t keep him for much longer because she was too ill.

“Who are my biological parents?”, Robby is sort of glad that he can use this new, complicated word correctly.

“We don’t know, because they wanted it to be a closed process”, Amanda says.

Robby cries because he’s confused. He was taught that parents love their children and his first parents didn’t love him. Why they didn’t love him?

Daniel tucks him in and says, while smooching his forehead softly: “I love you, son.”

The boy jumps and reaches for a hug.

“I love you too, dad”, he says, kissing the man’s cheek.

A little later, Sam and Anthony enter Robby’s room and climb into his bed to cuddle him.

Robby cries again, because he realizes how loved he is.

Nowadays, Johnny is dating Carmen Diaz, who has a son, Miguel.

Johnny and the kid get along – he’s even teaching him Karate.

Every once in a while, he wonders what happened to his first child – shit, why did they decide for a closed process?

All he knows is that the baby was a boy and was taken in by an old lady – why didn’t they give him at least a name?

High School begins and Miguel meets a kind boy in English class.

He has green eyes and soft, golden hair.

Miguel soon invites his new friend to have dinner at his home.

The boy says yes.

When Yaya meets Robby, she automatically thinks he has a crush on Miguel and vice-versa.

Johnny almost sees Shannon in the kid’s gaze.

There’s something else in him. Something that reminds Johnny of that Jersey guy from High School.

Robby leaves after the meal. Miguel puts the plates on the dishwasher and goes outside to train with Johnny.

“So, what’s his story?”, Johnny asks while blocking a kick.

Miguel tells him everything he knows about Robby – this is quite a lot by now.

“Then, Robby had to see a therapist, in order to deal with his feelings towards his past.”

“What past?”, Johnny is really interested. Miguel is an excellent storyteller.

“Oh, he is adopted. Bit of a shock when he found out.”

Johnny talks with Carmen, about this later that night.

She already knows her boyfriend has another son, a biological one, but she never imagined there would be a chance of meeting him.

“Do you think Miguel could tug a strand of Robby’s hair so I can have it tested?”

“I’m pretty sure that’s illegal, John. How about we talk to his parents instead?”

“That’s pretty boring, but yeah, let’s do your thing.”

It takes a while, but they finally call the LaRussos and organize a dinner date.

Sam, Robby and Miguel are at Golf n Stuff with some kids from school. Anthony will be playing World of Warcraft in his room all night long.

Johnny immediately feels awkward, because Daniel looks much younger than him – and the man has three kids and also runs the biggest dealership in the Valley.

Carmen does the initial talking – bless her – but Johnny’s in charge of the bomb, obviously.

“I know it’s weird but… my ex was pregnant and I suggested we give up the kid, because we were broke and not parent-material”, and also, I was drunk and stupid “so, if that’s fine by you, maybe we can have a DNA test?”

“We’ll talk with Robby and let you know”, Amanda promises.

The visitors are gone. It’s Daniel’s turn to collapse.

“I remember his face, asking why his biological parents didn’t love him. I always thought they had died or something like that, but no. They. Gave. Up. On. Him.

Despite his bitter, sad memories, Daniel wants to get along with his kid’s possible other father. To achieve this, he’ll have to get over that long-lasting rivalry with Johnny Lawrence.

So he invites the man to grab a drink and chat.

“Thanks for the invite, but I don’t drink alcohol.”

“I see”, he Is surprised. Somehow. “How about some Karate instead?

“Sounds good.”

The “get-in-good-terms” thing turns out well.

Amanda and Daniel take Robby out for a special dinner at his favorite sushi place – and made sure to pay Sam a good cash to babysit Anthony.

“So, huh… a guy contacted us. He thinks he might be your biological father and asked for a DNA test.”

“What did you say to him?”

“That we would talk to you first.”

“And what do you think of this?

“Without the test, there’s no way of knowing if he is your father or not, but we just want what is best for you.”

“If this guy happens to be my biological father, I can still live with you, right?”

“Of course you can. You’re our son and always will be.”

He agrees to do the test after discussing the matter with Miguel.

Daniel and Amanda’s only requirement is that Robby doesn’t get to know “the guy” unless the result is positive.

Waiting for the results almost kills everybody with expectation.

The email arrives, announcing that Johnny and Robby are father and son.

The first thing Amanda does is calling Robby to let him know he can meet his biological father.

The encounter is set up at a restaurant.

Everybody is, once again, anxious to death.

This time, Anthony wants to tag along and give his big brother emotional support.

“Hello, son”, is the first thing that Johnny says when the LaRussos join them at the table.

Robby is simply amazed.

He takes a look around the table. Everyone is just as surprised as him – except Johnny, Daniel and Amanda, of course.

Amanda gives her son a gentle smile and places a hand on his shoulder, encouraging him.

“Hi, dad.”

[mymistakewriting]

Eddie Diaz, survivor's guilt & breakdown era thoughts

I have a lot of little posts like this that I plan to make, but Eddie and his breakdown arc in season 5 is one that I've been thinking on a lot the last couple of days, so that's what I'm going to start with.

Trigger & Content warnings: PTSD, Survivor's Guilt, mentions of suicide & drug use & death. I'm sure I'm missing something here, but basically, soldiers don't get taken care of after they leave active duty in the US and we all know it. That's it's warning.

Eddie Diaz and his survivor's guilt is surprisingly layered when you look at it as it's own thing instead of something that was mentioned once or twice and then never again. It's something that's really easy to see in the aftermath of his breakdown, or if you're familiar with survivor's guilt yourself, etc. It's always been there, coloring his actions and words just enough that something was off, but never really bad enough to set off any alarms or raise any red flags. But then again, when Eddie's first introduced, he's a little too casual at the concept of himself being put at risk. The tension only leaks in when it's someone else at risk - originally, Buck and the guy they're trying to pull a live grenade round out of. And then, as soon as the immediate danger is gone, even after the ambulance explodes as the round goes off and sends Buck and Bobby both flinching, he's calm and offering to go for food. He's trained to be unaffected, to shove things into a neat little box, but even when he's first introduced, that box is near to bursting.

There are a lot of habits that speak to his PTSD - he thrives in traumatic situations until it's someone else from the 118 in danger, he's great at coordinating and good under pressure unless that pressure is something mundane like a conversation or a date (remember him having a panic attack so bad that it presented as a heart attack because of Ana? Yeah, hello, PTSD on full display, that wasn't just anxiety about her, she just made that panicked fight or flight harder to ignore until it bubbled over). But his survivor's guilt? It feels so much different.

It shows through in how Buck speaks during the tsunami - unable to meet and hold Eddie's gaze despite Eddie's abnormal searching for it - and how fast Eddie is to try to reassure Buck that he knows, he knows that Buck tried everything he could and then some when Buck is panicking and apologizing to him for losing sight of Christopher. That wasn't the look of a father terrified of his son being dead, that was the look of "oh, another one?" that you see on far too many survivors. And the way he looks back at Buck with Christopher in his arms, terrified as Buck collapses in front of Bobby and Hen. It never felt final, never felt like a closure, a goodbye, a whatever it's meant to be when a parent has to be told that their child is gone. But it did feel raw.

And it's in his anger after Shannon dies. He's angry with her, yes, even with it being irrational. He's angry because she left Chris again. But he's also angry at himself because it was his team on the scene and it was his job to save her and he couldn't. He's an army-trained field medic and a firefighter, logically, he should have been able to save her, so the disconnect in his head just shows through as anger because that's better than grief and better than hopelessness, right? But he doesn't express those thoughts and he only takes what time off Bobby forces on him after her death for Chris' sake, not his own, never for his own. And then it spiraled into the stupid street fighting arc that really never should have happened. But it made sense at the time, I won't say it didn't. He was desperate for an outlet, but that was years of emotion he was trying to let out at that point, so of course it went too far. It was always going to go too far.

But I don't think it hit Eddie that he was dealing with survivor's guilt, well and truly, until after he found out that Mills had died. He'd had it for years - ever since the mission that earned him his silver star, because he did lose someone on that mission - he lost the guy he was giving everything he could to save when they got shot out of the sky. But it never fully sake in, never registered. Just kept growing and growing every time he got news of someone else he'd saved dying.

Shannon. His Chief. Norwhal. Binder. Mills.

And I'd bet about half of it hit him so bad because he felt like he could still have saved them. At the very least, he felt like if he'd stayed in touch, Binder wouldn't have overdosed. Mills wouldn't have killed herself.

And I don't think he ever fully recovers from his topple off the deep end. But I do think he learns to manage it and he lets it turn him into a better firefighter. A better friend.

And I do think that's why he removed himself from active duty for a while with the 118 to work at Metro Dispatch sending out tweets. He didn't trust himself to be someone else's lifeline after all of that guilt hit him. And that's exactly why him jumping right back into the fray with no hesitation during the fire at dispatch was such an important step for him. That was the first sign that he was healing - and maybe he'll never fully recover from the damage that's been done, but learning to live and thrive despite in is still better than a lot of people in Eddie's position get.

[basilone]

EVA!!!! :D hello and congrats on another follower milestone coming up! you completely deserve every single one more than anything, and i’m so grateful for you in general and just to be able to talk to you about life, writing, all that fun stuff haha!!! i’m truly so grateful and i love our conversations so much!!!

so...i have come with a bit of an idea i guess if we want to start there? and of course you do not have to even do this because i know you have an absolutely FANTASTIC project coming up that i’m extremely hype for!! but — i adore the Form&Void verse and was wondering if in that AU, you could do some writing?

idk how it works but i’ve seen you dabble with it before, so maybe if you wanted to attempt to insert my OC, Natia in somehow and play around with her?! i feel itd be super cool to see someone else’s take and see it in your AU! but truly if it’s too much don’t feel at all that you have to do it!! :) just an idea if you wanted to test it out!!!

thank you for everything you do, eva!!!! <333

Shannon, hi!! Thank you so much for the big love and the gratitude -- it flows right back at you, my friend. 💙 Your enthusiasm is a gift and I really appreciate it!

I had to take a moment to really sit with your idea and to of course skim a bit of Landslide to see where my AU could land, but finally had the time today to write something that I hope you're going to enjoy!! I picked the scenes in my country right where Tab and Trigger make their appearances and I think you'll be able to tell where I landed it. (Natia's quite the character, so I hope the scraps of her here don't come off as too different from your own take on her!)

love looks not with the eyes

She is wound tight as a coil, like a snake about to lunge for the nearest unsuspecting prey, and the newfound bruise and cut stand out starkly on her face. He’s heard the accompanying story already – she took a punch to the face from the enemy, then took him out with a well-placed bullet – and it doesn’t seem like the type that needs telling twice. He falls into step with her right as she leaves Doc’s space regardless as he plays the uneasy truce they’d struck this morning over in his mind.

Agent Fidel’s not an easy one to know, though George Luz would probably try and make a guy believe otherwise. Tab's certainly not made the effort for himself before – a foreign agent is a thing for Nixon and Winters to worry about, not for him to examine – but she’s more frayed at the edges than he’d considered upon first meeting. More adrift, too, if her tendency to distance herself is anything to go by, and he knows combat well enough by now to know that alone is a synonym for dead.

“Swung by CP,” he says carefully, noting the way she stops in her tracks to stare at him. The distrust in her eyes flares unease inside his belly. “Winters said he’d sent you to Doc. Wish I could get you some ice for that” – he nods at her cheek – “but apparently that’s not on the list of essential items to take with you during a war. Guess they don’t know how to deal with it melting.”

“Would be easier in snow,” she offers in turn. Makes the effort to not shut him out, which he thinks has more to do with the dog that winds around both their legs than with anything to do with him. “Or if you had someone chosen by god of snow.”

“Not sure that’s a thing,” he laughs as her attention is soaked up by scratching the dog behind its ear. “Got a lot of chosen in Easy, but nothing of that sort. Maybe should ask Lieb about the possibility – water-chosen like him would know, yeah? – but I think it’s gonna be a bust.”

“Do..” She shakes her head a moment. Glances up at him, then inhales sharply. “Do they..”

“What?”

“The gods. Do they.. appear? I think I saw, in CP–”

“That’s Wisdom,” he confirms, quick as anything, because he’d seen a head of golden curls land on Nixon’s shoulder when he looked in on them earlier. “She pops up sometimes, mostly when Winters and Nixon are arguing a bit and they can’t meet common ground or something. They’re both hers, you know. Just go about it different.” He peers at her now that he sees surprise flicker in her eyes. “Why, haven’t you seen a god before?”

“Not much. Saw them sometimes, but.. not like that.” Her jaw sets. Her shoulders draw into a firm line. “Nobody agrees on what they look like, anyway. And I saw Death, too, no matter what George says about it. I’m not.. anyone’s. Not chosen, I think. But I saw Death.”

His hand finds Trigger’s fur as the dog leans against his leg again. “Had a great-granddad who swore he could see Death, too,” he shrugs, quick and unbothered. “I never knew him, but folk back home still tell stories about the way he was during the Civil War. Heard sightings like that happen, sometimes, even though Death won’t choose anybody.” He scratches Trigger’s head absently a moment, then pats the dog’s head. “Guess it’s something to do with war, or famine, or something bad like that. I don’t really think about that.”

He spots the retort – don’t think about much, do you? – in her eyes even when she doesn’t speak it out loud. He smiles at the appearance of that same animosity she’s carried with her with all the weight of a ton of bricks throughout this time she’s spent with them. Thinks he might’ve been like that, too, if he’d been raised here instead of down in Kokomo. If war’d come for him sooner and he hadn’t had a choice like the one he made. He still isn’t sure if she’s really not chosen, or if she’s just spent so long fighting against everything that she’s come to fight against whoever her god may be too.

“George doesn’t tell me anything you tell him, by the way.” He needs her to know that much. Needs to make her understand that there is not much of an enemy to her to be found among their ranks. “We talk a lot about stuff, but some things.. Nobody talks about everything. We just know enough about people to be able to trust they won’t shoot us in the face.”

“Even him?”

He turns when her narrowed eyes and sharp nod indicate something behind his back. Scoffs out an almost-surprised laugh when he lays eyes on Dog Company’s lieutenant, all stiff and straight-backed, about whom there have been stories swarming around since the moment he set foot in Toccoa. Speirs would be the type to invite speculation, perhaps even outright distrust, and he still hasn’t been able to tell if it’s because of the god that’s currently pressed against the man’s shoulder or just because of the man himself.

“Speirs has got a code. At least, I think he does.” He rakes his hand through his hair. Glances at Agent Fidel now that she’s come to stand beside him. “Saved our asses more than once. He’s crazy, but he’s our crazy.” He shrugs at the slight disbelief that makes an appearance in the mild scoff beside him. “I won’t pretend I like him or his god, but..”

“She’s hideous.”

He blinks at the rather venomous hiss. “Describe her to me,” he says, and his voice laces through with the lure he’s learned mastery of by now. “What is there?”

“She.. It’s teeth, and claws, and darkness.” Fidel’s eyes glitter in the light as she observes the couple, speakingwith one another in the distance, and there’s a storm in her countenance as he murmurs a keep going in encouragement. He’s aware of footsteps behind them, even when she is not, and he knows that tread well enough to know there’s something of teaching in the next moment. “There’s blood all over her and she.. she just carries it like that, naked as anything. And her laugh” – she chokes out, now that War’s head tips back and her laughter streams out into the sunlight – “like nails on a chalkboard.”

“Used to see her like that, once. Before we jumped into Normandy.”

Fidel’s back straightens even further at the sound of the new voice. “Sergeant Grant,” she offers coolly in greeting. “What is it?”

“Can’t a fella walk up for some friendly conversation?” Chuck’s laugh comes easy even in the face of Agent Fidel’s cold indifference. His gaze softens as Trigger nudges his nose against his hand. “Honestly, I’m just here for the dog.”

“Fidel,” says Tab, eyes never leaving Speirs and his god, “want to know why nobody agrees on what gods look like?” He chances a glance at Chuck, who’s preoccupied with the dog but still has his head tilted to indicate interest in the conversation. “Or why this dumbass over here doesn’t see War like that now?”

“Your explanations won’t mean anything,” she warns.

“Yes,” he says, undaunted, “they will.”

He reaches for her arm and strips the sleeve back from her wrist rather unceremoniously. Her sharp protest is cut off abruptly when his hand wraps around her bare skin moments later and he pushes warmth into his touch so suddenly that she goes utterly still beneath his grasp. He inhales a breath as his fingers find the jump of her pulse, the quickened spike at being touched so assuredly, and tries to ignore how fragile her wrist feels beneath his hand.

“Don’t look at me,” he instructs. “Look at them again.”

The gasp of breath and widening of her eyes right as she catches sight of them again tells him all he really needs to know. She nearly stumbles backward, cursing and catching herself at the last second before she does, but his hand remains a vice around her wrist all the same. Chuck, beside them, scratches the dog’s head one more time before straightening up and shooting them a smile.

“When I first saw her, it was the day before we jumped. I recoiled when she walked past,” says Chuck, by way of finding words for something that defies most explanations. “I thought she was the ugliest thing – scary, too, with the way she seemed to loom so big in that open space. Couldn’t understand why anyone’d follow that. Why anybody would dare, even when Speirs was known as batshit crazy long before we dropped into war.” There’s a fond laugh in his voice as he, too, contemplates them a moment. “Saw her again in Normandy when she came to pick Speirs up off the floor after he’d gotten wounded. Never seen a wounded man rise to his feet that fast. She.. She looked different, after. Beautiful.”

“How.. She’s pretty, now, too. Laugh like honey, thick and sweet,” says Fidel, eyes almost closing at the clear memory of its taste on her tongue. She shakes her head as if to clear the thoughtsaway. A clear frown mars her features. “She seems soft with the lieutenant. Different, but there’s still a shadow.”

“Love does that.” Tab offers her a small smile as she glances back up at him. “She chose him and he her. He sees her the way you see her now, beautiful and dangerous at the same time, just like Chuck sees her like that now because he’s seen her at work. Among other things.”

He isn’t surprised when Speirs’s head turns toward them at the next words of his god. Isn’t shocked to find her dark eyes scrutinizing him a moment, to see her gaze flick over where he’s still holding Fidel’s wrist between his hand, and to find her countenance then brightening at the sight of Chuck. He might not be chosen by War, but he thinks he knows a thing or two about her all the same. Knows enough, even when his amusement earns him a sharp elbow to the ribs more often than not.

The beckoning gesture, so clearly aimed at Chuck, almost makes him laugh out loud even when the man shoots him a mild glare. Yes, he knows a thing or two about War – and about meeting her approval, clear as day for all the world to see, even when her chosen and the object of approval seem content to ignore the gleam in her eyes.

“That’s my cue, then,” remarks Chuck. “Don’t wait up. Think they’re gonna ask about the river again, as if Hammond's answer has changed any since last time they wanted to know.”

He bites back the remark of that might not be all they ask of you because he quite fancies his face and hair to remain untouched by violence just a little while longer. Smirks as Chuck saunters up to the couple and exchanges a few words with War before his attention is soaked up by Speirs’s nudge and rather feverish spill of words. The slow smile on the god’s face as she glances up at the men really is story enough.

Fidel’s gasp makes him break the contact with her skin abruptly.

“You weren’t meant to see that bit,” he says, warning clear in his voice. Tell Chuck you saw it too and he’ll chew me out for revealing secrets that ain’t mine to share. “Trust you know how to keep quiet, Fidel, but you’ve stayed alive long enough for me to think you do.” The compliment’s rather back-handed, but she nods once just the same in acknowledgment. “Was that explanation enough for you?”

“What was that line between Grant and the lieutenant? The glowing one? The one that made the lieutenant’s brow..?”

“Connection. I can see the lines. So can Nixon. Think we’re the only ones until Hammond gets his head outta his ass and gives in to his god – have you met Hammond yet?" He smiles when she shakes her head. “Good, stay away from him, guy’s got eyes that’ll bore straight into your skull and make you wanna spill all your secrets. Anyway, think of the lines like radio signals or something. They make us see who’s linked together. Who protects which people. Things like that.”

“And his brow?”

“There’s a story there.” He smiles. Pats Trigger’s head. “Long time ago, folk thought the soul was seated in the head. They say that because they see people’s eyes spark throughout life and then dim at death. What they don’t know is.. Head’s often the first place where you’re visibly loved. It’s usually the first part of you that enters the world and, well, most people’ve got their mama kissing their head after birth. It’s a welcome of sorts. First sign that you’re loved and all.” He shifts on his feet as he takes Trigger’s leash. “When somebody loves someone, that’s the first part where I see it. Wherever they were kissed in love first. Speirs's place is on his brow. Yours is on your cheek, by the way.”

“You see mine?”

“You have people you love, right? People who love you?”

She nods once. Guarded. Careful. She yanks her sleeve back down over her wrist.

“Just ’cause they ain’t here, doesn’t mean you ain’t loved. Doesn’t mean you don’t think about them, either. Love doesn’t stop at a country border.”

He shrugs. Turns away from her and thinks he might’ve said more than he was going to. Her voice still argues, sharp and assured, and he laughs at her words that are designed to sting.

“You’re in the wrong place, sergeant Talbert.”

“Am I?” He turns back a moment as heat flares to life in his belly, warmth wraps around his body, and the spark of love descends into him once more. Allows her to see he isn’t powerless, just for a few seconds, before he finally walks away. He makes sure his voice carries back to where she stands rooted to the spot all the same. “Don’t you worry about me, Agent Fidel. I’m exactly where my god and I agreed I should be.”

[datleggy]

Scene that popped into my head: post lawsuit while Buck is shunned. He pushes Eddie out of the way and takes a near fatal hit. As he lays there bruised and bleeding internally with Eddie and everyone treating him his eyes focus on something past Eddie, something only he sees. The Buck says a something that truly terrifies Eddie. He simply says “Shannon?” All hell breaks loose after that. Eddie screaming at Buck not to go with her

It’s been nearly a month now since Buck came back to the team and despite all of his apologies and all of his attempts at trying to show everyone he regrets putting them all through the lawsuit, not a single person has reached out in return.

Buck regrets everything. He was just so desperate; he wanted to stay a family so goddamn bad, but it ended up blowing up in his face.

Bobby continues to treat him with kid gloves, having him do all kinds of probationary work around the station, reprimanding him for any and every little thing and leaving him on crowd control duty the few times he is actually allowed to go on calls with the rest of the team.

It’s upsetting and belittling but Buck takes it all in stride. He deserves everything he gets and more for his thoughtless, selfish impulsivity. Right?

It’s the dreary thought that’s on his mind as Buck watches his team go into the blazing fire in the bank, on their latest call.

There are patrol officers and S.W.A.T surrounding the perimeter. They’d been called in earlier when the situation had consisted of a lone bank robber and his eight hostages. Somehow—not that Buck managed to get many details from Bobby, who’d only told him he would be standing the sidelines in case anything happened—that had turned into what it is now, a fire emergency, with the bank robber plus four of the hostages still inside.

Buck is on standby, which is killing him, of course. His team is wearing bullet proof vests on top of their already heavy gear, in case the bank robber feels like shooting his way out of a burning building. Please be ok, he prays, please be ok.

He wants to run in there and help, make sure he’s got his people’s backs, but he’s been given clear and direct orders to stay back by the Captain, and though it goes against his every instinct, Buck wars with himself to wait, anxiety curling deep in his belly.

Eventually, while Buck is holding his breath, waiting for signs of life, one by one, they come out of the fire, relatively unscathed, as far as he can see. S.W.A.T. is on standby like Buck, but unlike Buck it’s because they’ve actually got a job to do. The last four hostages were all female, and so it’s easy to locate the bank robber, who had earlier been identified as a stocky white male in his thirties.

While the man is being cuffed and read his miranda rights paramedics on scene start to work on the hostages, none of whom seem particularly wounded, thankfully. In fact, the worst of it seems to be a little smoke inhalation all around.

Buck notices Eddie trying to lead the woman he saved over to the ambulance to get checked; he’s having trouble. Curious, and eager to help in any way he can, Buck hedges closer. “Look, I’m fine, just leave me alone.” the woman is saying, backing away.

Eddie, who thinks she might be traumatized and perhaps even hiding an injury, the way she’s holding her side so awkwardly, carefully reaches for her again. “Ma’am, it’s ok, we’re just here to help—”

But Buck can see something’s not quite right, he can see the panic in her eyes and instantly recognizes it for what it is: she’s feeling trapped, surrounded on all sides. This isn’t good. He’s seen that look before, in the face of that woman he rescued what seems like forever ago now. The one up on that billboard, the one who drew that gun on him the moment she felt like there was no other way out…

“Eddie wait!” But it’s too late.

The woman is already rearing back, a wildness to her, and within milliseconds she’s got a weapon aimed at Eddie’s fucking head and Buck can see that finger on the trigger, she’s not hesitating and there’s no time to think or subdue her. Buck just acts, slamming himself into Eddie to push him out of the way as the woman shoots.

S.W.A.T. is on her in an instant, securing the gun and shoving her onto the asphalt to be cuffed and arrested.

Eddie, still reeling, sits up shakily, heart pounding erratically. “B-Buck?”

Buck is lying prone on his side, deathly still, and there’s already a puddle of blood formed beneath his body, and it’s only growing.

“Buck, Buck!” Eddie panics, scrambling for what to do.

Thankfully the 118 is here and within moments they’re gathered around, and Eddie, he finds himself frozen in place, watching as Hen and Chimney turn Buck over in a flurry of activity. There’s so much blood, Eddie can barely tell where it’s coming from. It’s covering the side of his face and his neck, his chest, his shoulders.

Chim has a portable EKG reading his vitals and it’s not looking good. Hen’s managed to find the entrance wound, right at the side of his neck and she’s keeping a steady firm pressure but there’s still so much blood pouring out between her gloved fingers.

Buck groans, his eyelashes fluttering against his too pale face.

“Buck, son, you’re gonna’ be ok.” Bobby is sitting right next to Eddie, he’s got a hand lingering, hovering just above Buck’s shoulder on his other side. Eddie sees the way that hand trembles and knows the Captain is terrified he’s going to be made a liar.

But Buck is awake now, conscious and moving, if only in response to the pain. His eyes are unfocused, looking somewhere over Eddie’s shoulder, not at him. “Buck, Buck, look at me, you got shot, as soon as you’re stable we’re getting you to a hospital.” Eddie tries to assure him, the panic in his voice betraying his words. As soon as we get you stable, he makes sure to say, not if we get you stable…

But Buck doesn’t acknowledge him. He blinks slowly, his brows creasing—not in pain, but in confusion. He opens his mouth and says something but it’s too quiet for anyone to catch it, not when so many things are going on around them, with S.W.A.T in the background, released hostages and other civilians still reeling from the gun going off, and Hen and Chim working their asses off to keep Buck alive.

Eddie leans in as much as he can, without disturbing their work. “Buck what is it?” his voice is trembling. Hell, he’s trembling.

But what Buck says next makes Eddie go deathly still.

“Shannon?”

All hell breaks loose. 

“No no no no no no no, Buck no, please, look at me!” Eddie can’t even hear himself over the roaring in his ears but he’s sure he’s screaming right now, his throat feels so raw.

But Buck still won’t look in his direction, those hazy blue eyes looking somewhere into the distance, seeing something no one else can. And it is terrifying beyond all belief.

“Please!” Eddie cries, “Please stay!” This can’t be happening. Not like this. Not ever. He has so much left he wants—no, needs to say. It can’t end like this. Not again.

“Don’t you fucking go! I need you!” he’s sobbing and screaming as Bobby holds him tight, keeping him from grabbing onto Buck and shaking him, telling him to snap out of it and come back to them, while Hen and Chim work. Captain Nash is saying something, maybe he’s trying to calm Eddie down, but he can’t hear anything over the sound of the erratic beeps coming from the EKG. 

Buck lets out a very faint gasp, his eyes fluttering shut, and the resounding BEEEEEP! feels like it goes on forever.

————————————————————————————————–

Buck wakes up in a hospital room.

A very crowded hospital room.

Chim and Maddie are asleep on top of one another, taking up a small loveseat in the corner on the room. Hen and Karen are passed out on the couch beside the entrance, as are Bobby and Athena, sitting side by side on some not so comfortable looking chairs, on the opposite end, resting one against the other.

“Buck?”

Buck looks to his side, where the last chair in the room is occupied, by none other than Eddie, who looks an absolute wreck, and sounds even worse, if possible.

“Eddie?” Buck winces. Talking hurts, his throat is so sore. In fact, everything hurts.

Eddie quickly has him gently suck at an ice chip by the bedside, “It’ll help.” he says. Buck notices the tremor in his hand.

After he’s a little more hydrated Buck asks, “You ok?” his friend looks like death twice warmed over.

He’s not expecting Eddie to break down in tears, but that’s exactly what happens. “Am I ok?” he’s incredulous, running his hands through his hair. “Am I ok?” he repeats.

Buck is pretty sure the only reason no one’s stirred awake yet is because neither of them can speak above the level of a throaty raw whisper at the moment. “That lady.” he says, by way of explanation. “With the gun.”

“I’m not the one she shot.” Eddie sobs, not bothering to hide his anguish. “Buck you almost fucking died. You coded in the field after calling out Shannon’s name and I fucking lost you. Buck I can’t lose you. I can’t. Ever. You can’t---you cannot do that, please, you can’t leave me. What would I ever do without you?” Eddie can barely catch his breath and he’s literally shaking. “Buck please, I need you to promise me you’ll never do something like that again. Please.”

Buck can’t promise that. And they both know it. “You know I can’t. What the hell would I ever do without you? Hell, what would Christopher do without you?”

Eddie shakes his head adamantly, breath hitching, desperately grabbing onto Buck’s hand, like it’s a lifeline. It just might be. “He’d be in good hands. Buck, you can’t do that again.”

Buck gulps. “Eddie, Christopher needs---”

“He’s got you.” Eddie cuts him off. “I should have told you before. After the tsunami I changed my will, if anything happens to me, you’re it.” he admits. “So yeah, he needs me, but he also needs you. I need you. I love you so much Buck, I couldn’t stand losing you. I’d---” he pauses, realizing he’s just confessed, and this is certainly not the way he had meant to confess. “I---shit, I’m sorry, I meant to confess after apologizing for---fuck, for everything, for this last month, hell, for the last few months, since the lawsuit, for how selfish and stubborn I’ve been, for not trying better to understand your side, for---”

“I love you too.” Buck squeezes the hands holding his, albeit weakly. He looks awed, like it’s his first time really seeing Eddie, in a while---and it probably is. “Did you really? With Christopher?” he’s too exhausted for full sentences but Eddie thankfully knows what he means.

He nods, “I did. I’m sorry, I know I should have asked, and I was gonna’ talk to you about it, but then, everything just---”

“No, no, it’s---I’m just really happy.” Buck smiles, and it’s his first genuine smile, one he hasn’t had to fake or force, in months.

Eddie practically melts against the side of the hospital bed, laying his forehead gently up against Buck’s shoulder. “Me too.” he sniffles, overwrought with emotion.

Buck’s hand comes up to rest over the back of Eddie’s head, where he can softly caress his fingers, in hopes of providing some kind of comfort, however tired he is. “I know it’s not what you wanna’ hear right now...or ever, but I would do it again, no hesitation.” he confesses.

Eddie buries his face further into Buck’s shoulder, his breath catching on a sob. “I know.” He does know. Because given the chance, Eddie would easily take a bullet for Buck too, no questions asked. A thousand times over.

“I love you.”