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esse-writing · 3 years ago

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Lady

Chapter 1 of the Icarus Serie

Warning: Marines / Military inaccuracy, does not follow The Punisher storyline, slowburn, angst, fluff, mention of weapons and violence, cursing, injuries, death, blood, PTSD, morally grey characters, no proofreading

You joined the Marine exactly one month after you turned eighteen. Bianca begged you to choose a different career cause she’d already lost her husband in the army, her son shipped away two years before you did and she didn't want to lose you too. But you were immovable in your decision, seeing no other future ahead of you and wanting to reconnect with her son - your brother Donnie.

You passed all the admission tests with flying colors, and you naively fought that was a sign your time in the boot camp was gonna be as easy as eating a girl scout cookie.

God if you were wrong. The physical training was exhausting, enough to making you want to go home, but the worst was the psycological torture they out you through; endless nights of sleep, straving and wearing the wrong clothes in the wrong weather. Everything reminded you of your past and you cried every night for the first week.

Then, when you were ready to give up, your body started getting used to it, to the pain, the cold, the hunger, and it all felt bearable and almost familiar within three weeks.

You were getting stronger, quicker, discharging your thoughts and emotion in favor of a calculating, controlling and fiery new self. Physical combat had been hard the first few months, the guys you paired with were always bigger and stronger than you, but you grew faster and smarter every day, managing to put them down within minutes at the end of the first semester at the boot camp.

Next came the weapon training; you already knew how to shoot, Donnie showed you everything he knew about rifles and guns. But knives were your favourites, feeling like an extension of your own body, making you feel powerful and deadly.

You were shining as a recruit, your future bright in the Marine. And things were even better once you joined the MAGTF, Marine Air-Ground Task Force.

You soon discovered that flying was your element. You had never been more grateful about meeting Donnie; his dad had taught you everything he knew about helicopter mechanics, bringing you ahead of everyone and giving you time to expand your knowledge and learn how to fly almost every kind of aircraft they used in the Marines; combat, tanker, transport, helicopter, trainer.

When your training ended and after your graduation, you were soon shipped away, where your military career started.

Five years have passed since you got out of the bootcamp, and you are now pushing the curtain away as you step into the tent, the rest of your battalion cheering and saluting you from their beds, slowly making their way to greet you.

You hug a bunch of sweaty big men, smiling as you reunite with your team after six months. You catch up with the ones you are closer to, laughing at their faces when you tell them you spent your off-time with Bianca and Donnie.

“Six months off deployment and still got to see Angel’s ugly face every morning”

You chuckle as you wave at them before heading to your bed, leaving your helmet on the little bedside table as you start taking your things off the duffel bag, placing them on the mattress

“Top Gun? Isn’t it a little too clichè?”

You turn your head at the unfamiliar voice behind you, staring at the man holding your Ray Bans.

“Air Force? You’re insulting me here, soldier” you say back, making him chuckle as he extends his hand to you

"Lieutenant Russo, I’ll let the “soldier” slip cause I don’t have my jacket on” he smirks as you shake his hand

“Sergent Major Y/L/N, nice to meet you Lieutenant. And I’ll let the Top Gun thing slip, they indeed have some cool shades”

He laughs at that, and you indulge for a moment, letting your eyes roam over his face; deep dark eyes, a bright smile and sharp bearded cheekbones. The man has the face of a model and decided to join the military. You scoff a little at your thoughts, watching his mouth open again to say something before your superior calls your name.

You stand straight, saluting him as he waves you off, watching Russo moving away after saluting as well.

“At ease, Y/L/N. I came to tell you you’re gonna guide the first recon flight of tomorrow, Force Recon has already been assigned to their Air-Ground partners. I’ll see you tomorrow”

You nod, turning back to staff your bag under your bed. Donnie moves behind you, hugging you tight as you pinch his side, smiling up at him before you both start wandering through the tent, introducing yourself to some of the Force Recon. You’re on your way out when tall man place himself in front of you, rigidly saluting you before extending his hand

“Lieutenant Castle, Madam, nice to meet you. You’re with us tomorrow for the recon?”

You smile, and before you can introduce yourself you see Russo joining him by his side, patting his back affectionately before he turns his head to quickly glance at you before looking up at Donnie, who’s standing behind you

“I assume you’re guiding us tomorrow, Icarus, correct?”

You smirk wide at Castle, watching Donnie introduce himself

“Oh no, she - Icarus - is guiding us tomorrow. I’m Donnie, can call me Angel”

You stand straight, grinning proudly in front of a scene that happened so many times and that never failed to make you laugh. You and Donnie always paired together, and usually only your ranks and code names were listed. When people had to speak to you based on those names, they always assumed Sergeant Major Icarus was Donnie. The look on their face when they eventually discovered the sweet Angel was not you was delightful.

It used to make you so mad, mad at this patriarchal and sexist system, mad at the soldiers not paying you the respect you deserved. But in the long run, you learned how to make them value you, and you started to appreciate the dumb embarased expression on their faces, the same look that was now on Castle’s face

“Sergent Major Y/L/N, can call me Icarus. And yes, I’ll guide you tomorrow. I’m pairing with Blackbird, is that you Lieutenant?” you ask, looking briefly at Castle before Billy steps in front of him

“Always know how to charm a lady, Frankie Boy. And that would be me, look like we’re flying together”

You look at his smiling face, as you step a little closer to him, your head slightly tilted up to look him straight in the eyes.

“You call Lady all your superiors, Lieutenant? That’s why you’re gonna take tonight’s watch, Russo. I’ll see you tomorrow, 0800 sharp at the runway. Gentlemen”

You patt Donnie’s arm, leaving the tent, chuckling a little as you hear Russo swear, Castle laughing and murmuring him a mocking “Always know how to charm a lady”.

Next morning you’re laying down on the floor of the combat aircraft they assigned you, checking the parachutes and the rest of the equipment when Donnie jumps in, sitting down in front of you

"They have people doing it, you know?"

"You choose death over survival…" he cuts you off before you can finish

"If you fucking quote Colonel O'Connor to me again I swear to God" he threaten you, his hand raised, aiming the apple at you

"When you decide to be a pussy and don't check your fucking parachute" you smirk, catching the fruit he just threw and taking a bite of it

“Cmon, he’s old and grumpy but he’s a fucking legend. The Avatar operation? You pussies got a boner the first time he told us. And I remember some of you crying ” you laugh, getting up and extending your hand to him, helping him get up before jumping off the aircraft. You spot Russo and Castle walking towards you, saluting you as you greet them

“Lieutenants, ready for your first recon? And how did you sleep tonight Russo?” you can’t help yourself, looking at him with a teasing smirk. You expect him to tell you to go to hell and you're a little taken away when he just smirks as you, answering with a "As fresh as a daisy, Sergeant Major"

Castle and Donnie move to their station, getting on the plane as Donnie starts to explain him what is gonna happen today

"Ma'am, I wanted to apologize for my behavior, it won’t happen again” you turn your head slightly, looking at the man standing in front of you, his heels pressed together, arms straight along his body. You smile slightly, putting on your shades and picking up your helmet

“At ease, Russo. We’re cool if you remember to not call me anything apart from my name or my rank. Get your ass in line now” you turn towards the group of men

“Marine! - you shout as they all line up in front of their spots - I’m Sergent Major Y/L/N, I’m gonna guide you today during this first testing flight. Recon and Air-Ground have been chosen to work together and I have faith in your judgment to know you’re gonna trust your partner, when it comes to knowledge you do not possess. Our units can become a great asset if we work together as one team, combining our skills and filling in our blank spots” you pause, looking around at the soldier in front of you, grinning proudly at their body language; there’s nothing better than an old school brief to make a marine bloom in pride “You’ve been assigned a partner as you may have noticed; from now on, that will be your team. You’re gonna operate together and will answer for each other like you would for your lovely spouse” You see the tension ease up a little, smiling briefly before you continue

“Tomorrow we’ll work in squads of three teams, on Bell and CH Helicopters. Today, Air-Craft will take you on vacation on our Boeing F/A. Try to stay alive, filing a death report on the first day does not look good on my curriculum. Prepare to launch in fifteen!”

They all salute before breaking formation. You put on your helmet as you walk to the Boeing, patting the little sun painted on the side before climbing in.

You wait for Russo to sit behind you before you speak

“Today’s flight is more a bonding exercise and a demonstration of Air-Craft abilities, because Force Recon are not really trained to be a co-pilot, but everyone wants to have a Top Gun experience in their lives so here we are. You’re gonna have much more fun tomorrow but for today, there’s really not much you can do”

“Yes Sergeant, I’ll sit back and enjoy the view” he smirks, adjusting his helmet as he looks at the monitor in front of him “This is missile control right?”

“Yeah, front is in charge of the flight and back of the attack” you answer, before starting the engine, feeling it waking up below you. You slowly move to the first platform on your right, turning as you follow commands from the operative station

“Boeing F/A-18 esse 6-85, Icarus ready, runway 3-0, permission to take off”

When station approves the take off, you bring the air-craft to its full life, quickly lifting off the ground as you hear base giving instruction to the other pilot to follow you, bringing in demonstrative formation

You glance at Russo as you hear him wooying behind you, laughing at his reaction

“Try not to piss your pants, Lieutenant” you smirk, hearing him laughing back at you

“Is it always like this? Fuck I joyned the wrong arm”

You shake your head, still smiling at his excitement. You can’t blame him, Boeing F/A are truly the experience of a lifetime. You cried a little the first time you flew in one.

Billy has a bright smile on his face, looking around at the other crafts by your side, all lined in Echelon Formation.

You reach the training site before calling to the other pilots

“Attention all aircraft, break formation and initiate “pursuit hostile” simulation” you slow down the engine, four of the eight boeing moving forward

They speed up as base starts counting down, giving permission to start as they pair the two teams

“We catching your friend, Russo” you smirk, watching the little wings painted on the craft in front of you, Donnie and Castle right in your firing line

“If we keep them in the radar for 15 seconds we win, you aim at them as to shoot, clear?”

“We kick Frank’s ass and I buy you all the whiskey you can drink before you collapse”

You laugh as you hear James from home base muttering a “Ready to spend all your paycheck, Blackbird?”

You smirk as you start chasing them, quickly stalking them as Russo keeps them in the radar. The craft nimbly spin in the air, right behind Donnie. You hear him curse through your headphones, laughing before base calls for you

“Base to Esse 6-85, mission accomplished, ready to fall back”

Russo laughs behind you, and you smile as you hear him bickering with Frank.

Once you land, you quickly move to Donnie, who already has his hands up in defeat

“Yea Sergeant Major, you kicked my ass, I know” he grumbles as he throws an arm around your shoulders, half giving you a hug

“Get in front of the Boeing, Sergeant? We’re taking pictures of the teams” you look up at Franco, a young kid holding up a camera in excitement.

You smile as you drag Donnie with you, moving closer to Russo and Castle before taking off your helmet, placing it on your hip as you smile.

You hear the click and you see the pic slowly come to life. You extend your hand before looking at the polaroid, feeling Russo slowly bending down to whisper in your ear

“Own you a couple of drinks, Sergeant Major” you scoff, looking up at his bright smirk, putting the polaroid in the front pocket of your gear, before giving him a slight punch on the arm

“This how you behave? Walk, Russo”

The tour lasted 18 months, 37 operations in which you lost nine men, five during an air strike you were leading that almost cost you your life. Force Recon was on the field, you decide to guide a rescue mission when things started to go south; they broke into a building where they were supposed to find hostages of the peace corps that went missing a month ago. What they found instead was an ambush. They managed to get off without any losses, ending up being surrounded outside. Too outnumbered, it looked like there was no way they could make it back to the craft waiting for them, and you decided that an air attack was the only chance they had to come back alive.

You were flying one of the two rescue teams, half the path that Force Recon had to stroll already cleared when a missile hit the other helicopter, so close to you that it hit your craft and almost completely destroyed your engine.

Your whole squad managed to jump off in time while you had to stay on board to keep the craft from crashing on the Recon heads, autopilot and radar completely destroyed.

You got off late, opening the parachute a little too late and having no time to turn it around.

You ended up close to where the enemy was stationing, hiding in an old derelict. You called for backup but there was no answer, and you laid down for minutes, watching those terrorist getting closer to you. You couldn’t do anything; shooting them now would have meant signaling your position, the hand grenade in your belt would kill just a few of them since they were spread over a large area.

You waited, starting to believe that maybe the only thing left to do was blow yourself up, and you almost laughed at the shit way your life was ending.

A sudden noise from the opposite side of the building brought you back from your thought, and you found yourself aiming your rifle at Russo, Castle and two other guys following close.

“You’re a sight for sore eyes, Russo” you whispered

“Likewise, Sergeant Major, likewise” he smirked as he took cover next to you signaling the other to move to your left and right before they all started shooting.

When you made it back to the tent they stitched the nasty bullet wound on your arm before you moved away to file your report. You hated doing it, seeing those names again, the guilt strong in your stomach making you throw up again and again; the thought that Donnie was supposed to fly the craft that blew up but was set aside the night before because of a training injury made you even sicker.

It was not the first time you and Billy saved each other's asses, and you were happy to have him and Frank at your side.

You created a bond with this unit that you never experienced before; you not only trusted them with your life on the field, but you started talking about home, your past and your families. You shared more than you fought with Russo, even if you were both reluctant to open up with each other. Castle, on the other hand, was a family man that couldn’t shut up about his wife and kids, and it made everything better to hear his stories and see the pictures Maria sent him.

Then you are back home, and you’re walking next to Donnie as you reach Bianca. She’s holding a “Welcome home” sign, with both your names as she almost jumps in her son’s arms. You smile, waiting till she moves back to hug you too, her eyes swollen with tiers.

“My two babies finally home” she hiccups, making your heart sting when you can’t call her mother.

You turn your head to look at a little girl running towards Frank, followed by a woman holding a little baby. You smile, looking at the sign welcoming “Daddy and Uncle Billy”.

You wave at Russo, smiling at his slightly wet eyes.

Frank gestures to you and Donnie, introducing you to his family with the happiest look you’ve ever seen on his face. You all head back home, with the promise to hang out together soon at the Castle’s.

That’s how you find yourself in Frank and Maria’s kitchen, holding a little two years old Jr. as you lull him gently. His big eyes are fixated on you and smile, bumping your nose with your finger. You hand him back to his mum as Lisa calls for you.

You sit on the carpet next to her, papers and crayons in front of her

“Look, I draw us! This is me and Jr.” she says, moving her little finger to trace the figures

“That Frank? Yeah, ugly enough to be Frank” says Billy as he leans over you from behind, looking at the drawing. Lisa pouts for a brief second before looking up at him with a smile

“That’s actually you, Uncle Bill” she answer, before getting up to join her father outside by the barbecue

You laugh, your head thrown back as you see the look on Billy’s face before you get up.

“C’mon Russo, let’s have a beer to sooth your poor ego” you chuckle, moving to the fridge and handing him a bottle as you take a sip of his

You smile at each other as you lean against the counter. You see his eyes moving to your arm, the sun dress you’re wearing giving him a good view of the nasty red scar on your bicep. He slowly reaches for it, waiting for you to tell him to stop. When you don’t his fingers slightly trail your skin, making you shiver at the contact

“Are you okay?” you give him a little smile, shrugging as you answer

“It’s not a big deal, looks rough but didn’t damage anything so it’s cool”

He moves closer, his fingers still tracing your skin “You know I’m not talking about it” he pauses, trying to look at you but you avoid his gaze “It was not your fault. How could you know it? Y/N, you saved us, Frankie is here with his family thanks to you”

“And a lot of families are mourning dads and brothers and sons right now” you murmur, tears rolling down your cheek as he hugs you.

You stiff a little initially before losing yourself in the warmth of his body, burying your face in his shirt as a sob shakes you.

He tightens his arms around you, leaving a kiss on your head as the embrace soothes your heart.

The guilt and the pain slowly leave your body as a warm strange feeling fills you.

When Frank rushes in the kitchen calling for Billy, you both move apart, playing it cool as you join Maria and the kids in the garden, filling the plates from the barbecue.

And there you realised, right there in his arms, with his smell invading your lungs, that you’ve fallen in love with Billy.

#billy russo #billy russo fic #billy russo fluff #billy russo x reader #billy russo smut #billy russo x female reader #billy russo x marine!reader #billy russo x you #billy russo x y/n #ben barnes #ben barnes x reader #the punisher #esse writings #icarus series #icarus

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abbatoirablaze · 2 years ago

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Stacy's Mom, Chapter 7

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: none really

“Dev…I need to talk to you about something,” Jake said nervously as he looked at her. Devin’s brow furrowed momentarily before she sighed. She knew that this was coming, “I-wait…what’s that look for? Why do you-”

“Your job,” she sighed, cutting him off as a hand began running through her hair, “your mom told me earlier in the summer when we were talking…that’s what this is about, right? Whether or not you are going to re-sign with the military?”

Jake nodded, his breath caught in his throat as he watched her curiously, “I was supposed to give them an answer last week...but I’ve kind of been putting it off.”

This time it was her breath that caught in her throat. The summer had passed so quickly that neither one of them really thought about anything other than each other and Briana. They hadn’t really talked about what came after ‘the honeymoon phase.’ But now that the summer had drawn to a close, Jake was faced to look at the decision that was in front of them.

“What do you want to do?”

They both knew the answer.

While Jake had wanted to re-sign, there was a much larger part of himself that didn’t want to leave his unofficial girlfriend and daughter. He’d found so much happiness, so much purpose in just being around them that he didn’t think he would be strong enough to leave them behind.

“I mean…I could get out of the military,” he said quickly, offering the suggestion up to her, “I did complete my four years…so my contract is-“

“Jake…”

“No, hear me out, Dev,” he said even quicker, stopping his girlfriend from disagreeing with him, “I-they’ll pay for my schooling. And while I’ve got a good bit of IT training-“

“I don’t want you to resent me down the road,” she said firmly, looking at him while she had cut him off yet again, “I know that you want to be on that special team. When we first got together that’s all you told Briana about. You told her how you were training to become this special forces operative. I know it means a lot to you and I don’t want you hating us for it because you didn’t take advantage of it when you could.”

“I could never resent you, Dev,” Jake replied softly, reaching out to her. She went crashing into his arms and Jake sighed, “you’re the mother of my child. The mother of our future children…I-I could never resent you, Dev…”

She bit her lip, “funny you should mention that…”

Jake’s heart went to his throat as his eyes trailed down to her stomach, his hands cradling the flat expanse while he thought about what she’d just secretly admitted, “Dev…are you…”

She nodded softly biting her lip, “you know, Jensen…you’re not so great at the whole wearing condoms thing…and your pull-out game is a mess…not that I’m complaining…”

Jake smiled, his heart racing a million miles a minute, “I mean…can you blame me…my girlfriend is smoking hot. I don’t ever want to pull out.”

She laughed and hit his arm, “oh my god, you’re horrible…”

“So wait…you’re really-“

“I found out this morning,” she nodded, biting her lip, “I-I was going to run to the store to grab another test to make sure this afternoon...but…well-”

“I’m gonna be a dad again,” he smiled dreamily, watching her. She nodded and his grin couldn’t be contained as he looked between her face and her stomach, “we’re gonna have another baby?”

“After this one though…you’re getting snipped,” she teased, tapping right at the top of his jeans, “I’m forty and pregnant…something I never thought I’d say…”

“Wh-what are you guys doing here?” Jake asked nervously as he looked around the room. Jake was shocked to see Roque, Pooch, Clay, and Cougar sitting at the kitchen table when he woke up. Devin had made them all breakfast and Briana was animatedly telling Cougar about her bunnies while she munched on her own breakfast.

“Came to check up on you,” Clay said with a smile as he drank some coffee, “been talking with your beautiful girlfriend here for half an hour. You know, for a soldier you’re bad with your deadlines, Jensen…stopped the administration from filing your discharge paperwork.”

Jake paled as he looked to Devin. He hadn’t told her that he was going to just ignore the calls until they discharged him. The look on her face was a confused one. “J-Jake?”

“Daddy was a discharge?”

Pooch looked at Jensen curiously, “daddy? I didn’t know that you had kids, Jensen.”

“Yeah…he’s my daddy!” Briana said proudly. Then she held up her arms, each of which had her stuffed bunnies in them, “daddy say morning to bunnies. An me!”

Jake was quick to go into the kitchen and scoop his daughter up in his arms and kiss her on both cheeks, and then kiss the bunnies, “good morning princess Briana. Good morning Jake and Devin.”

Roque looked amused as he crossed his arms. Clay chuckled and drank down some more of his coffee, watching the side of the youngest possible member of the losers that he hadn’t disclosed to anyone. Cougar watched without saying a word as Briana snuggled into his chest.

“Love you daddy.”

“I love you too, Briana,” Jake said softly. He walked back over to her seat and put her back down, “eat your breakfast before sissy comes over.”

Briana frowned, “can you stay here today daddy? I don’t want you to leave when sissy comes over.”

“Briana eat your breakfast,” Devin said carefully, trying to pull her daughter’s attention back to her breakfast. Then she turned to Jake, “Jake…do you want to go to the office with your…friends?��

“Oh no, it’s fine, ma’am…” Clay smirked sitting back in the chair, “like I said, when you kindly made us breakfast, we just wanted to make sure Jensen here was serious about being discharged…have you two talked it over? He’s got a real opportunity here with the team!”

“Briana…baby if you’re done eating, go play in the living room…”

“I can take her,” Cougar said softly. Devin nodded that it was okay and he turned to Briana, “want to go play in the living room?”

“Can we have a tea party, Mr. Cougar?”

He nodded and she took his hand, allowing him to lead her to the living room. Clay turned his attention between Jake and Devin, “there seems to be a little bit of tension here…am I wrong in assuming that the two of you hadn’t discussed this?”

“Jake, you told me…you said that you were still thinking about it,” Devin said quietly as she spared a glance to her boyfriend, “When did you change your mind? Why didn’t you tell me about it?”

“Dev…I don’t want to leave you and Bri…I can’t leave you…especially not with…”

“The pregnancy…” she said, cutting him off.

Jake nodded, biting his lip, “Dev…I can’t just put another one in you and walk away again…lo-look how much I missed with Briana. I missed first steps…first words…I-“

“She loves you, Jake,” she said softly, reaching out to him, “if you’re worried about the baby not loving you because you’re in the military, you’re crazy.”

“I don’t want to walk away again.”

“Family is important,” Roque said, breaking the silence, “I have two daughters…and I’m not going to lie to you, Jensen…it’s tough being away from them sometimes…but what gets me through is knowing that what I do, what happens makes a difference. It keeps not only the country safe, but it keeps them safe.”

“It’s not a decision to be taken lightly, Jensen,” Clay said firmly as he finished off his coffee. He stood up and stared at the youngest man in the room, “if you want to be part of the team, the job is yours. Your skills are far beyond anyone elses we’ve got lined up behind you should you not want the position…but we have to leave for a mission. If you’re not at the air strip in twenty-four hours, I’ll have administration push through your discharge papers and you’ll truly be a civilian…but if you’re there, you’re in…understood?”

“Yes sir…”

Jake watched as Roque, Clay, and Pooch collected Cougar from the living room and made their way out of Devin’s house. Then his eyes turned towards his girlfriend, and he noticed her hand absentmindedly tracing her stomach.

"Dev..."

"I know you want to go, Jake. I c-we can’t hold you back" she said slowly, tears welling up in her eyes, "We-we’ll be okay. I promise…”

“Devin, I don’t want to leave you,” Jake uttered, “I can’t leave you and Briana and the baby…I don’t wan-“

“It’s okay to leave, Jake,” she offered sadly, cutting her boyfriend off, “Just promise me that you’re coming back if you do.”

Chapter 8, The End

Tag List: @notrealllyhere, @krissy25, @lohnes16, @dispatchvampire, @meanttobea

#stacys mom #soft jake jensen #jake jensen #the losers movie #the losers fanfiction #the losers (2010)#clay #roque #pooch #cougar #chris evans characters

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messedupfan · 3 years ago

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I'm With You (Female Reader) Chapter 2

Summary: Y/n makes plans for her future and experiences some confusing feelings.

A/N: I think the reason I'm terrible with summaries is because that's how all of my stories start out. I try to summarize the idea to work on later but then get stuck writing. Of course I always go back and add details. Anway, enjoy!

Masterlist | Taglist | All Chapters

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The Stark Expo raised a lot of attention again, luckily Y/n had graduated and didn’t have many reasons to leave the house. She laughed as she watched her uncle tell off the government that wanted to take his suits on television as she was filling out forms that were important for her future. She had been accepted to many schools, MIT and Caltech being two of them, but Y/n had other plans. She felt better about her plans when Tony announced that for the time being he was handing over his company to Pepper. Y/n was so happy for her, no one deserved it more.

That’s when things started to get complicated in Y/n’s mind. A certain redhead entered the home gym while Happy was giving Y/n and Tony a boxing lesson. She had never been so attracted to a person before. Of course her uncle already had his eyes on the woman, but she couldn’t blame him. It was hard for her not to stare. Up until now, Y/n hadn’t paid much attention to her sexuality and Natalie Rushman certainly woke something up in her she had no idea was there. It only got worse when she took Happy down in a single move. Y/n was impressed and wanted to ask Natalie for her number if only to learn some moves from her. Not for any other reason. At all. But she couldn’t get a word out if she tried.

“I want one,” Y/n overheard her uncle mutter to Pepper. I want one too, Y/n thought to herself. She never thought she would be into girls, her first kiss was with a guy. Granted, the guy was dared to convince her to kiss him, and it was middle school so it took a lot less effort than it would now. But was that enough to turn her gay? Was that how it worked? Get your heartbroken and humiliated by some idiot of the opposite sex and suddenly all you’re attracted to is the same-sex?

But if that were the case, wouldn’t everyone be gay?

Y/n left the room with the excuse that she was tired and needed a shower before she went crazy with the running thoughts. After her shower, and the much needed belting out of music that played during, she found the subject still nagging at her brain. She gave in and opened a private browser. This led to a rabbit hole of signs of being gay articles to quizzes with unclear results. She got frustrated after some time and figured that would be enough for the subject to leave her alone for the time being. It was.

On the night of Y/n’s eighteenth birthday, after the party guests had left, she announced that she wanted to enlist in the Air Force. Pepper was about to congratulate the girl until Tony laughed and told Y/n that there was no way it was happening. This caused heated arguments and a lot of tension between Tony and Y/n. One argument got so bad she was grounded and uninvited from the trip to Monaco.

During which she met with Rhodey to discuss the steps to becoming an Air Force enlistee. He offered her other options but she didn’t want to be a career airman like him. She didn’t want the military to become her whole life. She just wanted the training and the confidence in herself that if something like the Obadiah thing or worse were to happen then she would be prepared and not sidelined for safety. He understood but when she told him that her uncle wasn’t on board he didn’t feel comfortable helping her pursue this any further. She respected his decision but felt very disappointed. Yet she was still determined and she told him that she would join with or without his help. He made it clear that he would make it very difficult for her out of respect to his best friend's wishes.

In reaction to his words she did the most childish thing she had ever done in her life and stormed off to her room. Door slam included. Maybe she wasn't fit for the military after all.

The incident in Monaco only made her will stronger and point even more valid. When Tony returned home she wanted to hug him because she was glad that he was still alive to celebrate his birthday. But she was so pissed that he refused to see things her way. If only she knew how he was seeing it.

The slowly dying Tony Stark wanted to send the girl he raised to his alma mater in hopes that one day she would run his company with Pepper Potts. Then one day, take it over completely. She was his legacy. It was in his recently readvised will that the majority of everything in his name was left to his adoptive daughter, Y/n Stark. He was dying and had to be sure he didn’t leave the world without making sure the people he loved would be taken care of once he was gone. Or at least he thought he was dying.

Thanks to being locked up by S.H.I.E.L.D. in the house he nearly destroyed, he was able to find a solution to his problem. During that time, Y/n went behind Tony’s back again, feeling that age old I’m an adult now authority that often comes with turning eighteen. She went to Rhodey again and asked him to introduce her to a recruiter. This time he was more than willing to help, especially after the fight that led to him stealing one of the suits. It was obvious that his friend wasn’t in the right mindset to be making decisions on behalf of his adopted daughter. And because Pepper didn’t feel comfortable leaving Y/n with her former boss, she invited the girl to live with her for the time being. That’s when Y/n got to connect with Natalie. She was still nervous around the women but was able to mask it nicely.

Natalie had become Pepper’s assistant and was around Pepper’s home a lot. There wasn’t time to pull her away from what they were working on. Which made Y/n want to be around the office more because she knew for certain that was where Natalie would be. There, Y/n always found a way to distract Natalie and though she allowed it, the agent didn’t like how quickly the girl was able to divert her attention. But Y/n had learned from the best on how to be charming towards a beautiful woman. It was difficult to turn her away.

“You know, I’m older than you,” Natalie says, not looking up from the work she was doing.

“So? Can’t we still be friends? Pepper is much older than me and we’re friends.” Y/n does her best to hide her nervousness. She knows that she wasn’t being charming to befriend Natalie. But she wanted to keep lying to herself. The truth was still terrifying to face.

“We could, but something tells me that you don’t want us to be just friends,” Natalie’s voice is low and flirtatious. Y/n starts to wonder if she wants the same things.

“Is that because the feeling is mutual?” Y/n challenges, leaning over Natalie’s desk.

The woman’s gaze flickers from Y/n’s eyes to her lips and she fears that the feelings she is having are real. What would it be like to kiss someone for herself? No. She was on a mission and she had to focus. “I have work to do,” she pushes her seat back to give her room to breathe and walks away to go discuss things with Pepper. Y/n swallows dryly and decides that maybe it’s time for her to go home.

“Great, I lost all of the kids in the divorce!” Tony said while visiting Pepper. Natalie, Happy, and Y/n all happened to walk into the room simultaneously. Everyone chose to ignore him and Y/n was still so upset with him that she retreated to the waiting vehicle. Not without catching a glimpse of his rare apologetic eyes. She didn’t want to be fighting him, but this is probably what he needed. To lose everything that he was acting like he already lost.

Then everything went wrong at the Start Expo. Y/n wanted to help but didn’t have a suit. The most she could do was help get the people out of harm's way. Which at the end of the day was probably the best thing she could’ve done. Instead of just sitting around moping about how she couldn’t fight the enemy.

When they returned to the wrecked home she told her uncle that she forgave him. They hugged and reconciled and he thought he had won the argument. He thought that she would be attending MIT in the fall. And that the detail that he was dying gave him a pass for his behaviour but she hadn’t known about it. It never came up on the way home, she kept gushing over the new couple and they never brought up the other subject. So a few weeks later when it was time for her to leave for basic training she walked down the stairs in a uniform carrying a full duffle bag. Tony was shocked to say the least.

He had just defeated Ivan Vanko, made things right with Pepper and Rhodey, is looking at a long and healthy future, and was hoping to be more involved in Y/n’s life. Then suddenly, there she was, ready to head off into the military.

After what he had experienced in Afghanistan and from becoming Iron Man, he didn’t want that for her. He was so afraid of Y/n losing who she was in all of what comes with enlisting in a branch of the U.S. military. He felt a little betrayed that she had chosen that path for herself. Chosen to expose herself to those horrors when she didn’t have to. He still hadn’t realized that she was doing it for him. He didn’t know how helpless she felt those months that he was missing. Or when Obadiah had broken into their house and immobilized her. And again when Ivan had attacked at the race track and she was watching from the comfort of the bedroom he provided her. Finally, the night at the expo when the only help Tony had was Rhodey. She wanted to be able to fight alongside them. But she couldn’t. All of those years of kickboxing simply weren’t enough. This was something she had to do.

Seeing her standing at the front door dressed like that, Tony sighed and poured himself a drink. He knew there was no turning back for her so he just had to accept it and support her decision. “I’m going to miss you kid,” he places his glass on the damaged bar after taking a quick drink and walks over to give her a proper hug goodbye. “You have a job waiting for you when your contract is up. Who knows? Maybe I’ll even make you a suit.”

Y/n’s face lights up, “You mean it?”

“Of course, I love you, Y/n. I’m very proud of you.” He pulls her in for a tight hug and Y/n squeezes him just as tight as her eyes begin to tear up. “Do you have a ride to the airport or can I take you?”

“Rhodey is actually on his way to––”

Tony pulls away, “Jarvis, call Rhodey and tell him that he doesn’t need to pick up Y/n.”

“Right away sir.” Tony grabs a set of keys and Y/n’s duffle bag and she follows him to the car. She hadn’t known what she expected but it surprisingly wasn’t this. Though, she should’ve known that at the end of the day he was always going to respect her enough to make her own decisions.

Chapter 3

#natasha romanoff #natasha x reader #y/n stark #tony stark #pepper potts #happy hogan #marvel fanfiction #fanfic fanfiction #black widow #war machine #james rhodes #lgbtq #female reader #iron man

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ragingbookdragon · 3 years ago

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The Four Corpsmen And Their Cheerleader PT. 2

Lanternsis x Lanternfamily One-Shot

Word Count: 1.4K Warnings: Explicit Language, Mentions of PTSD

Author's Note: Backgrounds are important people! Backgrounds! Enjoy! -Thorne

**********************************************************************

She landed beside Guy, watching the young man training with her brother. “Who’s the newbie?”

He hummed as Hal caught a kick to the gut. “Name’s Dakota. Former grunt.”

“Former?” she repeated, examining him. “Kid can’t be older than Kyle.”

“I’m right here.” A voice called and she turned, smiling as Kyle and John walked over.

“Yes, I see.” Her eyes found the two men again. “But he seems young to be out of the military so fast.”

Guy’s voice quieted. “Got kicked out for assaulting a superior officer.”

She cocked a brow. “For a good reason?”

“He won’t talk about it.” John replied, crossing his arms over his chest. “Won’t talk to anyone about the service, even me or Hal.” He looked at her. “Figured he’d tell us in his own time.”

Nodding sympathetically, she said, “I understand. Sometimes it’s—”

“Shit!”

Their eyes turned to the men training, seeing Hal pinned underneath Dakota, the young man’s eyes firm and cold; Guy walked over. “Alright. Training’s over.” Dakota didn’t move and he reached down, grabbing his shoulder. “Hey. Enough.”

The young man blinked, pulled from his thoughts and looked down at Hal whose face showed evident strain; he yanked away as if burned. “Ah crap. Sorry sir.”

Hal got to his feet, rolling his shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. You had good form.”

Dakota said nothing and she stepped up to him, calling, “Dakota.” He looked at her and she extended her hand. “Hi, I’m (Y/N) Jordan. Hal’s younger sister.”

He shook her hand. “Good to meet you.”

Pulling away, she gestured for him to follow, constructing a blue picnic table with her ring. “Have a seat?”

“Uh, sure,” Dakota agreed, taking the seat across from her.

She poured the construct liquid, passing him a glass. “You fight like a soldier. What branch?”

He blinked. “Army. Joined at seventeen.”

“How old are you?”

“Twenty-three.”

“Still in?”

“No ma’am.” He said. “Completed my contract and got out.”

(Y/N) nodded, pouring more glasses for her brother and friends as they sat down beside them. “My brother and I both served. Hal was in the Air Force as a combat pilot. I went into the Navy as a SARC.” Handing a glass to John, she added, “John’s a former Marine.”

“Once a Marine, always a Marine,” John retorted with a grin and she winked, then looked back at Dakota.

“We all received discharges for our service.”

The young man’s eyes flashed. “What kind of discharges?”

(Y/N) tipped her head. “John was honorable discharged, and Hal was given an OTH.”

“And yours?”

“Medical discharge.” Smiling, she added, “Though in the books it’s honorable. Made sure my CO wrote it down.”

Dakota blinked. “What’d a squid get a medical discharge for?”

The men around her laughed and even she cracked a grin, countering, “Oh? So, the grunt’s got jokes, huh?” he sheepishly smiled, and she nodded, suddenly turning solemn. “I was medically discharged for the same reason you keep your stint under wraps.”

“You don’t know a goddamn thing about me.” He hissed and she eyed him knowingly.

“You’re right. But I know PTSD when I see it.” (Y/N) tipped her head to the man sitting beside him. “Hal’s had PTSD since we were kids. I got it overseas managing wounded soldiers and sailors.” She inhaled through her nose. “It’s funny, we’re told we fight our wars for the greater good…that it’s justified to bomb schools in foreign countries because they’re raising terrorists, or to have an all-kill rule when sweeping a house because you don’t know who friendlies and enemies are inside.”

She met his gaze. “And we believe it because we want to serve. Because we want to be someone that makes our families proud of our service.” Her eyes darkened. “What happens when we finish our war and come home, but the battle doesn’t stay where it was fought?”

Reaching over, she pulled Hal’s bomber from his wrist. “When I came back, I broke Hal’s wrist during an episode a few years ago. I begged him to put me somewhere I couldn’t hurt anyone.” She exhaled. “I spent a year in a psyche ward designed for veterans who couldn’t control their episodes. It wasn’t a prison. It was a rehabilitation center for people who were afraid to hurt themselves or the people they loved because their minds were still at war even though they were home.”

(Y/N) caught Dakota’s eyes. “Who’d you hurt?”

He swallowed thickly, the signs of unshed tears in his eyes as he whispered, “My mom.” He breathed choppily. “I thought I was still back over there. Someone grabbed me and I thought it was an enemy.” He looked at her. “I broke my mom’s hip because I shoved her into a wall.” Wiping his eyes, he cried, “I was supposed to protect my mom and I was the one that hurt her.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” she said, resting a hand over his. “But keeping it all contained isn’t going to help you, Dakota.” She smiled. “You’re young. And you have an advantage that most people don’t. You have time.” Squeezing his hand, she added, “I’d like to set you up with a friend of mine in the ward I was in. He’d welcome you with open arms.”

“I’m not crazy.”

“No. You’re not. But our minds are still fighting, and we have responsibilities to do something about that. To care.” She gazed at him. “And suffering in what you think is atonement, isn’t going to bring back the people you lost nor is it going to fix anything you’ve done.”

Dakota chewed his lip, then his eyes fell to the rings on their hands, and he said, “I don’t know why it chose me…”

(Y/N) shrugged wistfully. “No one knows why the rings choose us. Personally, I’m still wondering why I wasn’t given a green ring. I mean, I hang around with these four all day.”

Whilst the four corpsmen beside them griped, they simply laughed and she twirled her own ring on her finger, smiling at the blue band. “But I’d like to think Hope chose me because I refused to lie down and die. Because I had hope that I’d still see the sunrise even after my darkest nights.” (Y/N) took his hand standing from the table; everyone else scrambled to do so as well before the construct faded.

Dakota stood with her, and she said, “If the ring is on your finger, it’s because it sensed the will you have to overcome every fear you have. Willpower is the basis of perseverance. It is the aspiration that you have something to live for.” Smiling, she asked, “So I ask you here, what do you have to live for?”

He took a long moment to think it over, then he said, “The future…that I have the will to live and see another day.”

(Y/N) winked. “And that’s hope.” She nodded toward the city in the distance. “Simon and Jessica should be done training with Kilowog by now. Go join them for some lunch and relaxation before you get back to training again.”

Dakota glanced at Guy who merely nodded, and the young man looked at her once more. “How long did it take you to stop sleeping with it?”

She blinked. “Long enough to realize it was better kept in a lock box than beneath my pillow.”

He nodded and rose into the sky, heading towards the city, and when she felt fingers in her palm, she looked over, seeing Kyle staring at her. “What’d he mean?”

“He’s talking about the gun we service-members keep under pillows when we come back.”

“There was a gun underneath your pillow?”

“Still is,” (Y/N) murmured. “I made enemies overseas and I have more now.” Her eyes found his. “I never really feel secure unless I’ve got a weapon nearby.”

Hal rested a hand on her shoulder, and she looked over at him. “I’m proud of you.”

She leaned into her brother’s side. “I’m proud of you, Hallie.”

“Don’t call me Hallie,” he scowled. “It’s embarrassing.”

“Less embarrassing than being named Harold. Sound like an old man.”

Kyle snorted. “He is an old man.”

“Hey! This old man is still capable of kicking your asses!”

“Oh, you mean like you did John in that barfight all those years ago?” Guy asked, and everyone laughed as Hal started bitching.

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lambourngb · 3 years ago

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a skeleton of something more [2/6]

previously here. malex wip fic. a short serial leading up the premiere.

spoilers for the trailer and promo, will be instantly AU. If I’m going to the trouble of writing a malex fix-it for the season 3 opener, why not fix 2x13 too?

**** THEN ****

After Alex closed Tripp’s journal, he met Michael’s gaze across the table at the Crashdown.

His golden-brown eyes were heavy with pain, the reminder of how his mother’s story had ended was still fresh between them despite the span of months since the fiery end of Caulfield. What had resulted in being the fiery end of them, even though Alex hadn’t known it at the time. The look of sleeplessness in Michael’s face reminded Alex, that outside of this small piece of Nora, he had the weight of Maria still in the hospital recovering from the pathogen Flint had released. The press of the Deep Sky ring in his pocket warred with the hesitation to place one more burden on Michael, would the abacus of their fragile friendship balance out?

He flashed to that last argument in Michael’s bunker, a disaster of his own making, thinking he could believe in his father, but thankfully harm was averted at Crashcon. That recent memory was motive enough for Alex to decide. Whatever happened next, he needed Michael on the same page with him.

As Isobel moved to leave the table, explaining to Michael that she needed to check on Max, Alex held Michael’s gaze deliberately. Then he folded his fingers down, until the last three fanned out in a downward W.

“After what happened with Maria, maybe you should come with me, Michael. You can help me shake some sense into Max,” Alex heard, tuning back into Isobel’s voice. Her eyes moved back and forth between them, a crease of suspicion wrinkling her upturned nose, as she stopped on him. “It’ll be a good distraction.”

Without looking at Isobel, Michael’s eyes remained trained on Alex’s hand. “No, thanks, I’m good here. I’ve had my fill of stubborn ass people who don’t want to listen to sensible advice from me, so I’ll catch up with you later, Isobel.”

She made a dismissive huff but did not argue, leaving with the barest semblance of a polite goodbye to Alex, but that was typical Isobel Evans. Michael waited until his sister was on the other side of the door, before speaking quietly, his gaze finally moving up from Alex’s hands to his face. “I haven’t seen you flash that sign to me in years.”

“Glad to know you haven’t forgotten it.”

“You, making the ‘wait for me, I want you now’ signal? Nah, that’s been burned into my brain over the years.” Michael said it with a faint trace of bitterness. “I guess news travels fast, Maria only dumped my ass this morning.”

Alex winced and looked down, swallowing the surprise and spark of hope that welled in his throat at that disclosure. It was better to concentrate on the unique talent he had of stepping on landmines around Michael, than wonder about what had happened with Maria. It looked like he was still good at causing harm without intention, judging by the stung bite in Michael’s voice. “Fuck, I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have-”

“No, I’m sorry,” Michael cut off his apology firmly with a wave of his hand, calling a time-out. Alex waited, his teeth pressed into his lower lip as Michael rubbed his eyes with a weary half-smile. “I’m being an asshole right now, and that’s not fair to take it out on you. It’s been a shitty day already, and — anyway, … you definitely know how to get my attention, Alex.” He tilted his head, self-deprecation on his face, “for better or worse, you’ve always been good at that.”

It had been the sign they had developed whenever their paths had crossed over the years while Alex had been on leave in Roswell, but it had started that summer after high school. After Michael’s hand had healed poorly from Jesse, the last three fingers had been left frozen in a claw, it had been a shared fuck-you to his dad to use it to form their own secret communication. A three-fingered W, turned upward meant it wasn’t a good time, and he would find Michael later; turned downward, well, that meant it was safe to approach him, and it had often ended in a hurried blowjob in his car. Perhaps he should have used more care in using it now, but Michael wasn’t the only one running on the fumes of insomnia and stress. “Sorry, I needed to talk to you, and I wanted to make sure you didn’t leave with Isobel-”

“It’s fine, really. It’s not a bad memory either, remembering that we had our little secret language.” Michael wiggled his fingers in reassurance, his left hand still wrapped with a bandanna. “I can make that signal a hell of a lot easier now, too. But anyway, what did you need?”

There was still a voice inside Alex’s head that said ‘you’, no matter how long it had been. He shoved that down deep, along with his curiosity about Maria, and concentrated on his purpose. “Your advice on something, and then if it’s not too much to ask, your help.”

“Anything.”

Alex blinked, nonplussed by the easy acceptance.

Michael gestured encouragingly, “seriously, anything, just tell me what’s going on because the way you’re hemming and hawing, it is freaking me out.” Suddenly, all expression washed out of Michael’s face as a horrible thought occurred to him. “Did you get deployed or something?”

“Not exactly, not how you’re thinking,” he winced at the earned glare from Michael as he continued to stall while the words still tripped and fumbled around his mouth, heedless to the mounting frustration between them both. He sighed, and regrouped. Pushing the closed journal aside, Alex dug into his pocket and laid the signet ring on the table before Michael. “Let me start at the beginning, I found this in my dad’s things.”

“Jesse never seemed like a jewelry kind of guy to me.” Michael picked up the ring, examining it closely with a sarcastic smirk. “Other than parading around town with that wedding ring, when everyone knows your mom left him back during the Bush years, Dubya that is.”

“My father is all, was all, about appearances.” Alex placed the photo of the group on the table, sliding it over to him. “That ring marked his membership in this paramilitary group called Deep Sky. Every man in that photo worked at Caulfield, at one time or another.” He tapped his finger over the face of his father, then moved it to the right. “That’s my dad, and that is Ricky Long.”

Michael frowned, pulling the picture closer to squint at the faces. “Wyatt’s dad?”

“No, Forrest’s.”

“Nazi guy? Seriously?” He rubbed at his chin, the stubble longer than usual painting his jawline. Alex dragged his eyes away with effort as Michael considered that information. There was a reluctant understanding in his eyes, having recalled that Forrest Long wasn’t just ‘Nazi Guy’ to Alex, but someone who had expressed interest in Alex. Personal interest. “I guess that’s something you guys have in common then, dirtbag dads.”

He didn’t look thrilled to admit that to Alex, but it was a mark of how far they had both come as friends that Michael had said it anyway regardless. It was kind of him. It was the same type of empathy Alex had extended toward Michael, when he had expressed interest in Maria. Cut open, bleeding under his skin from all the ways he had squandered his own chances, he had said something similar to Michael once upon a time. That was what love was all about. Then he had kept saying it, until he believed it most days because wanting Michael to be happy was the easier ask.

It was a gracious sentiment that was entirely wasted by Michael when it came to Forrest Long.

“It would be, uh, something to bond over, if I hadn’t noticed that Forrest wears the same ring now.”

Michael’s eyes sharpened. “Family heirloom or do you think he worked at Caulfield?”

“I don’t know, but he is an ex-Army vet.” Alex tapped the photo of the members gathered together, “That was part of what I’ve been looking into, identifying everyone who worked at Caulfield right until the end. As for Deep Sky, I don’t know if it’s military service, Caulfield, or a family legacy that ties every member together, I just know that Dad kept in touch with those who were involved at the prison.”

“Makes sense, Jesse was able to get a hold of the atomizer and pathogen that Charlie developed from somewhere. For all of his strutting around at Crashcon with a uniform on, that didn’t look like it was an official use of government property.”

“Right, it definitely wasn’t, and before you tell me to leave it alone-” Alex began, remembering Michael’s response to the investigation into 1947. He had considered Alex’s actions back then to be an act of futility, something that could only hurt by being revisited. The past being the past, unable to be altered.

This time Michael cut him off, “No, I was wrong about that. I, um, I finally realized that just because I don’t see you connected to that place or the rest of your family, doesn’t mean you don’t. And while I wish that you didn’t, Alex, if digging into this gives you some sort of peace over it, then do it.”

Alex looked down, feeling the weight of relief that Michael understood. After his father’s body had been removed, after the questions and lies had been spun, he had spent the entire night sleepless over having been made into an effective weapon to force Michael’s compliance. Helena had known where all the weak spots were thanks to Flint, and had armed herself with a depowering agent. Once Flint was recovered, there was nothing stopping him from employing a similar tactic in the future.

“If anyone’s going to destroy me, it might as well be you.” Michael had once declared with a bold carelessness that had infuriated and terrified Alex at the time, but that was nothing compared to now having a lived experience to back it up. His mind had easily used the memory of Maria’s collapse after the faintest exposure at the Crashcon and had exchanged her with Michael, being torn apart molecule by molecule, by an invisible threat.

Give him an enemy that he could see any day, especially one that bled.

“I’ve been fighting so long, I don’t know what peace looks like anymore.” Alex held out his hand for the ring, and Michael gently laid it in his palm, brushing his fingertips over Alex’s skin. A lifetime of controlling himself kept the reaction off his face as he rubbed his thumb over the raised emblem of Deep Sky. “But I have learned recently that when something seems too good to be true, it is.”

Neither of them mentioned Jesse and his performance from the last few months, but Michael frowned again, “Wait a second, you think Forrest targeted you on purpose?”

“A member of a secret paramilitary organization just happens to ask me out after I was involved in the destruction of Caulfield? You really think that’s a coincidence?” Alex raised his eyebrow skeptically at Michael, before looking out the window to watch the pedestrians on the street.

“I think you’re the hottest guy in Roswell, so I’m not surprised he asked you out.” Michael flushed a little when Alex turned back to stare at him in surprise over the flattering comment. “Seriously, you’re a catch, but I will agree, it’s not a good look that he’s got that ring. But maybe it’s crap he wears because of his dad, and he’s got no idea he’s parading around?”

“You’re being awfully generous.”

“Isn’t that what you want? Because last time I checked, you were the one telling me that I should have faith in people, even if they give me no reason to.” Michael flattened his hands on the table, drawing Alex’s attention to the bandanna on his hand again. That damn fight kept echoing between them to Alex’s dismay, but Michael didn’t let him linger over it, “While I stand by what I said about Jesse, ‘cause he messes us both up, all I know about Forrest Long is that he is way too interested in Nazi history and he has good taste in guys.” Michael wetted his lips, nervously to tack on, “I also know that I trust you, and your instincts, so if you say there’s something not right about him, then I believe you.”

“There’s something not right about him,” Alex repeated seriously.

“Then I believe you, so what do you need me to do?”

“He wants to get close to me for some reason, probably related to what I know about aliens, so I’m going to let him. And I need you to back me up in case something goes wrong, and maybe use that lock pick you have in your brain?” Alex waited until Michael nodded in agreement, feeling the swell of gratitude at his support. Anyone else would probably think he was being paranoid, or that this was a delayed reaction to his father trying to kill them, but Michael, for all of his previous counter-arguments, had never truly believed in the good of humanity. Maybe in a few days, Alex would feel guilty in relying on that. Maybe in a few days, his suspicions about Forrest would be eliminated.

“He’s involved in running the open mike night at the Wild Pony with Maria, so I thought maybe I could perform a song or something? He drives a Prius, and while he’s listening to me sing, you could slip out mid-song and insert this into the code reader of his car.”

On the table was a small device that mimicked a thumb drive, small and black. It was the type of technology that Alex had used in the Air Force, tracking terrorists abroad. It had taken a fair amount of searching to purchase the equivalent stateside to have on hand. Michael picked it up curiously, turning over his hands.

“It’s designed to download the GPS history of his car,” Alex explained, before rubbing the back of his head in thought. “That’s how I uncovered what my dad was up to, first by tracking his movements. If I let Forrest take me home, I can gain access to his laptop and phone.”

Michael furrowed his brow in concern, “You’re really willing to go that far? And what if he is involved in something shady, what then?”

“My father and brother both used me to get to you, there’s really nothing I wouldn’t do to keep that from happening again and if it means playing along with this guy, letting him lead me to the members of Deep Sky? Then I will.” If anything, his words only deepened the concern on Michael’s face, but Alex had been committed for a long time. Since the red level threat. Since the short ride to the recruitment office. Maybe as far back as his guitar going missing in the music room.

“I’ve slept with guys for worse reasons.”

CONTINUED HERE

#Malex #roswell new mexico #malex fic #alex goes undercover #not forrest long friendly #getting back together #Season 3 speculation

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trashcankitty12 · 4 years ago

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Helia Headcanons

Helia Scofield, nephew of Saladin; Master Artist in the making.

Don’t let his soft demeanor and pacifistic leanings fool you; Helia’s up for the fight if he’s needed.

(All headcanons are mainly for my verses: Left and the New Company of Light. Fair warning.)

-Helia was born to Harley and Hannah Scofield.

-Hannah, Saladin’s twin (and the elder twin, thank you) is an illusion-based witch who works with her Great Uncle’s army. She’s a commander of the Pegasus Unit of the Callistan Army, and unlike her brother, tries to keep herself out of trouble.

-Harley’s more of a gentle soul who enjoys art and runs an art gallery in Callisto.

-As you can imagine, his parents, though loving to him and though they did love each other at one point, have had many disagreements about their lifestyles and what would be best for the family.

-Harley was more pacifistic while Hannah preferred to ‘face things head on’. (Both have great strategic minds though, and… Tended to use them against each other.)

-At a young age, Helia showed potential for magic. Hannah and Saladin tried to help hone his potential skills as a wizard, but the best he could do was simple spells to make himself faster and stronger than normal and to send magic notes. (And a few other minimalistic spells. He couldn’t do anything fancy like his mom and uncle though…)

-It didn’t really bum him out too much though. In fact, it was partially a relief that he wouldn’t have to worry about hurting someone with his magic if his feelings or concentration went out of control. And he had an easy way of keeping his utensils nearby while he was working.

-Helia was in a junior sword fighting league as a kid, something his Uncle Saladin and his mother were very proud of. (Though his father thought it reckless and dangerous and ugly… Even if there was a sort of elegance to sword fighting when done right.)

-He also participated in art clubs at his school and did his to earn high marks in elementary and middle school. (He tended to be a daydreamer and often spaced out in class, especially if the subject was boring to him. Which became another argument for his parents.)

-When he was about 12/13, his parents decided to divorce. Hannah relocated and deployed to serve in Magix at the Callistan Embassy (and to be closer to her brother). His father remained in Callisto.

-He was actually happy that they finally divorced, thrilled to never have to hear one of their ‘we’re not really arguing, just having a heated discussion’ sort of fights. Having to decide where to live and what his plans for the future, however, made him sick.

-His social anxiety was through the roof anyway, and on top of all of this… His art took a bit of a dark turn and so did his poetry.

-How dare his parents fight each other and then demand he choose? How dare they implode on him like this?

-(Faragonda and Griffin were honestly the best people during this time. And so were his childhood friends. They helped him keep his cool and realize what he wanted and how to go about talking to his parents about this stuff.)

-Helia left the sword fighting league, he never really enjoyed it anyway except for the moments he was benched and could sketch the matches. And he decided to stay with his father and enroll at the Callistan Art Academy. His mother was so proud that he wanted to follow his dreams, and agreed to weekends and holidays.

-(Honestly his parents were just happy that he was talking to them again instead of pushing them away. They were so worried, they even went to therapy so they could try and do better for Helia.)

-Helia stayed in touch with some of his sword fighting league friends and kept up with his childhood friends when he went to the Art Academy.

-He loved showing off his new works and talking his friends into being models for some of his works. (One of his favorite portraits is of his best guy friend posing with his new weapon after being accepted into Red Fountain.)

-His parents did move on from each other. On his dad’s side, he has a stepdad and a lovely younger stepsister who adores him. (And he has a half-brother on the way!!)

-His mom remarried a fellow soldier, Monroe. And Monroe has two children of their own; Seneca and Marie. (Older stepsisters… They’re loud and boisterous, but they mean well and Helia enjoys watching them pose and give him fashion shows to help out his own work.)

-Though he was only at the Academy for a short time, Helia discovered many things about himself. (And made friends with the Princess of Linphea who had gotten in despite her age. The fairy is truly gifted in making topiary art.)

-He loves his charcoal brushes and using colored pencils when doing sketches. Something about the way it moves on the paper just makes him so happy.

-And he does love to paint, though he’s not much for water colors. (And never ask him to do a digital piece. The last time he tried working with a tablet, he nearly got electrocuted. Granted, it was probably a one-time thing, but he took it as a sign.)

-Poetry is second love, aside from sketching and painting. He loves being able to verbalize his feelings and put the words down that he can feel inside. Its one of the few ways he feels he can truly connect to people, since it’s easier to write down the words instead of saying them. (Though he has done poetry readings from time to time.)

-Between portraits and landscapes, Helia prefers landscapes. And he’d really gotten into architecture drawings before he left the Academy.

-Because his parents were often busy when he was a kid, he found he had useful skills to ‘adult’ while at the Academy and on his own for the first time. (He can cook fairly well, at least, you know what you’re supposed to be eating and it tastes pretty good. But he’s no Chef Langdon.)

-He was great at keeping his room spotless and clean. His workspaces however? Not so much.

-Over half his wardrobe is stained with either paint or charcoal or clay.

-(Yes, he can do pottery. Just not very well. In fact, it usually looks pretty shit, but hey, he tried.)

-After seeing the news about what happened in Magix and how his uncle’s school was destroyed and the people he cared about nearly died, Helia decided to transfer. (Which took a lot of convincing with his dad and the Dean of the Academy and Saladin.)

-But once he was in, he was in. And when given the choice about his weapon, he went with one his mother loves to use, the laser-string gloves. Great for restraint and for quick weapon-recovery in battle without potentially causing further harm.

-Add in his ability to make himself stronger, and he can wield that glove with the confidence of a sword fighter.

-He quickly clicked with Timmy once he joined their squadron, despite the two having different views of technology.

-Helia was Riven’s roommate though, and while their personalities didn’t compete with each other, they didn’t completely get along either. (Riven reminded Helia of Hannah with his ‘let’s just face it’ ways and Riven felt Helia wasn’t much of a hero if all he did was restrain instead of fight.)

-Of course, as time went on, Helia and Riven do have respect for each other, and have many inside jokes that came from their time living together.

-Helia quickly found he was one of the ‘advisors’ of the group, with everyone coming to him for advice. He was flattered, sure, but dudes… Just because he managed to get what he got, doesn’t mean he knows how he did it.

-Aside from training with his gloves, he’s good using a whip and decent with a sword. Bows and arrows/anything needing aim isn’t his strong suit. He’s also not the best at giving reports on how things went on their missions, which is why that task gets delegated to Sky or Riven.

-He trained as a medic too, deciding that while he wouldn’t be the best in a fight, he can help with the aftermath. And his squad kind of needed a medic aside from Timmy and Brandon…

-Helia may not enjoy fighting, but he’s not above doing what’s necessary when the people he cares about are in danger. There have been plenty of times, not just when saving the Magical Dimension, that Helia has risked his life and limbs to protect his friends.

-One such incident was a survival trip to the Marshlands of Amanal. Brandon never would have made it home in one piece if Helia hadn’t thrown himself at the hippogriff. (And he somehow managed to befriend it afterward. No, he has no memory of how he did it.)

-Helia tends to be a stress-sketcher. Worried about a test? Doodles on his notes from class. Worried about an upcoming mission? Sketchbook in hand. Relationship issues? Sketchbook.

-Oh! He’s a great pilot too! Helia has a great sense of direction and has grown up around the ships, so he knows how to work them. (Now, if you want to know what makes them tick or how to put them together if they fall apart, ask someone else. Preferably Timmy or Riven.)

-Helia has a whole stash of teas. A collection, if you will. (Something that he blames Faragonda for, but hey, it’s not the worst habit ever.)

-After all the traveling he’s done thanks to Red Fountain, Helia sort of understands better why his mom and uncle loved their military days so much. Seeing new places, learning new things, enjoying new foods… It’s quite an existence. (If you can look passed all the fighting and wars and invasions…)

-Yes, Helia does yoga. He also enjoys dance. (And with friends like Layla, Musa, and Nabu, he never has to do it alone.)

-Some of his favorite people to sketch: Flora, for her grace and beauty and the way she seems to just breathe life into natural settings; Sky, for his posture and presence and ability to always appear in charge; Layla, for her strength and grace and how every body of water seems to be at her command; and finally, Timmy and Tecna, As a couple, those two just radiate this feeling of joy and it just… How can you not want to sketch it?!

-(Kiko is also a favorite sketch subject. The little rabbit just has so much personality!)

-This may come as a shock to people, but Helia enjoys horror movies. Preferably the psychological/thriller-based horror movies. It’s the way they capture human emotion and it’s just so poignant and interesting. He wants to learn how to convey such feelings in his work.

-Between his parents, you’d think Helia was closer to his father… In actuality, he’s closer to his mother.

-His mom enjoyed doing things and showing him things and just getting him to be more active and curious as a child.

-His father was more of a watcher. An observer-type. Always looking for something awe-inspiring for his next piece. (Something Helia and Harley bond over now. And laugh at, from time to time.)

-Helia enjoys swapping sketching ideas with Bloom and Stella, looking to see what they’re up to and how they can try and work off of each other.

-(And he has done some physical character sheets and layout ideas for Tecna’s video game idea to help her see her vision more clearly.)

-Helia doesn’t play a lot of video games. They’re just not his thing… But he does have a soft spot for the Sims series after Bloom introduced him to it, and he enjoys this maze creation game that a Solarian gaming company came up with for phones (level 200!!!).

-He swears more than people think he does. It’s almost comical how shocked people are when they meet this ‘sweet and soulful guy’ and then he drops a few ‘f’ bombs while working on his projects. (Not just ‘f’ bombs either… Dude gets creative with his curses. Even Riven’s impressed.)

-Helia didn’t go to Earth with the others, instead taking up a job offer on Callisto to help with remodeling his great uncle’s barracks. (And now, the castle itself… He’s so honored it’s his designs in the works.)

-However, he does visit from time to time. It makes him a little sad though, seeing Earth the way it is. All the pollution creating cars, the strange fashion, the way people seem to disregard each other. It’s so sad.

-When the ‘saving the Magical Dimension’ stuff stops, Helia’s hoping to join with his father’s art gallery and to build on his portfolio of projects. (He knows he already has a few jobs waiting for him, like Stella’s coronation portrait for when she becomes queen.)

-He just hopes his works inspire and touch people the way they do as he works on them.

#winx club #winx club au #winx club headcanons #winx club helia #winx helia headcanons #helia scofield #winx club helia headcanons #helia au #artistic warrior

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its-my-little-dumpster-fire · 4 years ago

Text

Let it Burn ( t w e n t y n i n e )

Billy Russo x Reader, 6.7k

A/N: I don't know what to say about this one, just that it's been a long time coming and I'm equal parts excited and terrified of being this close to the end. So if even one person asks for a nice interlude, I'll friggin do it, because there aren't many sweet moments left. Not that there are any in this chapter? idk. You decide.

Warnings: Death. Talks of death. Violence. Poorly written fight sequences (I'm sorry @the-blind-assassin-12).

Summary: Billy's past comes knocking and you're thrown head first into a future you weren't expecting.

“I’ll get the car,” Matt volunteered the second your little group exited the bar. He was quick to turn away, leaving you with Noah and Libby on the sidewalk. The air thrummed around you with bass tones from leaking out onto the street. Combined with the alcohol in your system, you felt warm despite the chill in the air. Noah had his arm looped around Libby, holding her close and holding her up as her head lulled sleepily into his shoulder. Her hand stuck out, blindly grasping at the air behind her until you caught it in yours and she turned her face to smile. It was good to be with friends. Shocking, how normal it felt to be with people who knew you in college. Libby was there in your dorm room, laughing mercilessly at the sharp tingling in your legs after sprinting through the snow in shorts. A boy at the gym tried asking you out and your eighteen year old brain only came up with the dumbest responses to his flirting, prompting you high tail it out of there before pulling your sweats back on. Matt was there the Thanksgiving after you turned 21, carrying you on his back after too many spiked ciders, when you needed a break. Noah… well thankfully you hadn’t done anything remorseful in front of him that week, a sign you were getting older, but his presence in the group was a welcome one. Even if some days you looked at him and half expected your brother to be in his seat again, rubbing the back of Libby’s neck and calling Matt an asshole for wearing a Tom Brady jersey in public. It struck you that someday soon, these friends would have to move on from you too, keeping you and your brother as memories and nothing more.

Unwilling to let another string of macabre thoughts could kill the lingering comforts of the evening, you glanced up and down the street mindlessly taking in the city you once called home. It certainly wasn’t New York, but it had its own pulse. You couldn’t help wondering if it was the last night you’d ever get there and wanted to soak up every second. In your reverie, you floated away from Noah and Libby, kicking the pavement gently, eyes closed and heart content. Dying girls are allowed to romanticize whatever they want, you reasoned without paying attention where you were standing. It was your own fault that you were nearly knocked over by the broad shoulder of a passerby.

Noah hollered out in your defense, telling the man to watch where he was going, but one look up into familiar black irises told you the “stranger” was watching his step… and yours apparently.

“Sorry about that,” he whispered, a smile growing under rounded cheeks and puckered pink lines torn by glass.

You tried and failed to school your features into something slightly less glowy, but your soulmate’s hands were on you, steadying you, just feet from your friends. If you closed your eyes again, it might feel like a normal night out. A double date. Billy propped up against the wall, his arm stretched out over the plastic seating of a diner booth. You next him, stealing french fries off his plate and apologetically kissing his cheek after he slapped your hand away. Noah and Libby would be on the other side of the table, being their own kind of adorable, sharing a milkshake or something like it was the fifties. Oh god, you shivered, imagining Billy Russo in a leather jacket, driving you home after parking over in some poorly lit part of town, where his hand felt completely at home under your sweater.

“You okay, ma’am?” he asked, squeezing your arms and angling his face away from your friends, so only you could see or hear him.

“Yeah,” you sighed, disappointed your soulmate wasn’t a greaser, but still amazed he made such a brazen attempt to see you before you went home with your friends. “I’m swell.”

Billy chuckled at that, catching the sound in his throat so all that escaped was a huff. He nodded and licked his lips, looking down at the pavement between your shoes. Your eyes were still on his face, darker under the hood he’d pulled up, but you felt the toe of his boot nudge yours affectionately. “Swell, huh.” You nodded. “Alright,” he nodded in the direction of your friends, already releasing you and pushing you back toward them. “Keep your eyes open.”

“Thanks,” you called out, backpedalling until Libby caught your arm again and Noah stared down the stranger like any tough guy should. It wasn’t his fault that he had no idea who he was glaring at. If he did, he certainly wouldn’t linger.

“Russo!” you heard someone yell and immediately your blood ran cold. Libby and Matt were still trying to herd you away from where you’d been so rudely bumped, but you were immovable.

You heard Billy’s hissed ‘shit’ as the man with the thick black beard stalked over from the bar’s entrance. Shit, you repeated in your head, had this guy seen Billy in there and followed him out?

“You got the wrong guy.”

“Nah,” this man shook his head, “I don’t.” A terrifying smile appeared on his face as he approached Billy. “I’d know that fucked up mug anywhere.” He looked your soulmate up and down, all too satisfied with what he found. “Thought I was seeing a goddamn ghost,” he announced, before lowering his voice considerably. “Last I heard, they dragged your ass out of the river…” he scoffed. “Guess not, huh?”

In the presence of a rising conflict, Noah and Libby turned away, tugging you along with them. Your body followed them toward the lit yellow circle under a streetlamp to wait for Matt and the car, but your senses belonged to Billy. Always.

You had to believe that he was armed and clearly more than able to defend himself. Even strolling along the Adriatic, where time moved slower and the locals cared more about their afternoon cappuccino than the scarred face watching the water over your head, Billy had been prepared for the worst. There wasn’t a cell in your body that feared for him in these moments, but the second his name was spoken out loud… there was a new fear. Your life over the last 6 months was not safe anymore, Billy was not safe anymore. Everything you knew up until this point relied on anonymity and that was gone. Your soulmate could survive a street fight, but could he live beyond one where his ability to remain invisible was compromised?

The argument over your shoulder escalated and when you turned back to observe them again, what you found was more startling than a simple scuffle.

Billy was evenly matched and that alone was enough to scare you. He’s Billy Russo. Any conflict that comes his way should be easily snuffed out. He’s been fighting his entire life. First with broken broom handles and the grace of a boy who hadn’t grown into his limbs, but abandonment and terror look a lot like rage against hungry cheeks. No matter how “pretty” he’d been, there was a fight in Billy begging to come out. Surely the fight enticed a young Billy into service. The power, the training, the knowledge that he’d never be a victim again once his fists knew where to strike. With a scope, he could fight without getting his hands dirty. With a Ka-bar… he didn’t seem to mind that either. And you knew first hand that the fight followed Billy home, where his enemies were chosen for him and in exchange, he maintained his power. That Billy shouldn’t have equals, but somehow on this street, an equal had found him.

“They’re all dead,” the man spit then shouted, feet shuffling as he and your soulmate circled each other. “Geno, Todd, Bobby, Moke.” He lunged forward and Billy’s hands came down on his wrist, blocking the blade out in front of him. At first, you hadn’t noticed the black carbon steel in the dark, but when Billy took hold of his wrist in one hand, it was clearly visible under streetlights and gasps skittered through the small crowd gathering outside the bar.

“That’s on them,” Billy ground out, keeping his attacker’s arm straight up over their hands as he went for the knee with his other hand. Off balance, the man was forced onto his back and Libby’s audible gasp pulled your attention at the same time her hands were pulling back on your shoulders. Completely unaware of your own posture, as you stumbled backwards a step, you realized that you’d been moving closer to the fight since it broke.

“You pissed off the Punisher, Russo.” At the mention of Frank Castle, you turned back again, watching Billy’s hand come down on the man’s neck and jaw. You cringed at the way his voice gurgled and strained, but he kept taunting. “Jake’s dead.”

“He’s a fucking tweaker who didn’t know when to quit,” Billy insisted, struggling to dodge a knee to the liver while still pinning his assailant. The knife finally fell from the man’s hand, but neither he nor your soulmate lunged for it as you expected. Two men as deadly as this needn’t concern themselves with a sharp edge when their bodies were well honed weapons. You assumed this man must have been military too, with the pace at which they were anticipating the other’s movements, blocking and striking with disturbingly natural ease. He never would, but a part of you, a very small part, wished Billy would just run.

“Castle wanted you, Billy! Wanted to crush what you started!” Another series of punches that sounded painful. Everytime Billy drew blood, you noticed more of his own, a cut over the eye, redness that would bloom into dark purple before tomorrow. “You were a coward, Russo. Leaving everything you built,” the man was winded and you hoped that meant he’d slow down, but neither of them had that kind of quit in them. Not when face to face with an enemy. “We kept going, we could have run that city! But your buddy Frank Castle wouldn’t sleep until every of the boys was dead. Spunk, Manny, Vincent.” The man spit blood from his red stained teeth as he seethed through the names of fallen comrades. “That psycho went after Jimbo, that dumb kid didn’t stand a chance. I never thought I’d get my chance with Billy Russo…” he laughed, a little manic as that confident veneer he’d worn just a minute ago was broken. “But here we are, Billy. You and me.” He was using Billy’s name frequently and loudly. His eyes were as black as Billy’s and you watched them dart around to the handful of cellphone cameras pointed directly at the scene. The smirk on his face was unsettling and suddenly you knew what was happening. This man didn’t care if he died as long as he took Billy down with him. Billy, observant, but ever the predator was more concerned with eliminating the physical threat than his name going viral. The man wasn’t down for long before sweeping Billy’s leg and rolling away. Knife forgotten and fists flying into every inch of tender flesh, just like they were trained. Behind you, Noah described the scene in alarming detail while on the phone with local dispatch, making sure an officer en route knew exactly where they were needed and everything you were certain of two minutes ago was in jeopardy.

“Borrowed time, remember?” the man seethed, hunched over a heavy breathing Billy Russo who’d just taken a shot to the ear. “It was always gonna end this way.”

Falling from the top bunk and breaking your arm. Graduation. Your parents’ funeral. Your brother and Libby’s wedding. Meeting Billy. Standing outside a building that erupted in flames from the inside. The oncologist sat before you with a sour expression. Waiting for Billy in every new country, wringing your hands as if he might not come. So many life changing moments and yet, they were all a blur. This moment, however, was painfully clear.

You felt the tension in your toes as heeled feet moved toward the fray. The burn in your legs as you squatted after a day standing to accept goodbyes followed by a night of dancing poorly. The knife’s weight in your palm as you adjusted your grip to something that felt more solid. You’d bought cans of soup that were heavier than the blade wrapped in your fingers and that surprised you. No wonder these looked like an extension of Billy’s hand when he wielded them. Despite the relative lightness, you looked awkward holding on to it. Not like Billy. Through the blood rush behind your ears, the heavy throb of your own pulse drowning everything out, Libby’s voice screamed your name. Billy looked shocked, a marvel in itself as it seemed so little could surprise him, to hear your name and his eyes landed on yours, wide, but narrowing as the blade sank into his opponent’s side.

The man wheeled back quickly, his elbow landing hard in your chest and knocking the wind from you. Someone Billy’s height would have doubled over groaning after a shot to the gut, but when you hit the ground, no sounds came out as you tried to call out to Billy. He acted without your cries and while you stared at the ground spinning between your knees, the sound of the fight grew louder, more urgent. As unseen hands guided you back to your feet, your legs shook at the sight of blood splattered on your hands and bare shins. In your struggle, the knife remained in your grasp and the sight of it, shimmering red in moon and street light, made you feel dizzy.

It was Billy to say your name next, loud and strained. When you looked back toward him, he was on his back, thumbs digging into the man’s cheekbones as his head thrashed. The scars on Billy’s face seemed to give way to the veins bulging in his forehead until they were all you could see, evidence of his struggle to take in breath with hands pressing down on his windpipe. The last time you were in this scenario, Billy hadn’t struggled at all. Your attacker was a bum compared to the marine and when your soulmate sliced his fingers clean from his hand, you didn’t even stop to wonder if you’d done the right thing assisting Billy. As if a practiced dance, you approached again with shaky steps, to drop the knife in Billy’s outstretched hand. You watched as a red faced Billy Russo lifted the knife and plunged it directly into the side of the man’s neck. Blood flowed from the artery when Billy removed the blade and struck him again and again. He shoved the man from his body and rose with a face, reddened by blood splatter instead.

The world slowed to a stop as you fell forward and Billy caught you, widening his feet to adjust your body against his so that you both stayed up right. His whispering disappeared into your hair and you heard nothing that was said, until a new voice cut through the night.

“What the hell?!” Matt called your name, wide eyed and confused by the blood covering both you and the man that held you. He’d only been gone a few minutes and everything had gone to shit in his absence. At the sound of sirens just around the block, your eyes flew from your friends back to Billy’s, dark and conspiring as the next few seconds proved most pivotal.

Clutching the front of Billy’s jacket, you jostled him until his eyes fell upon yours. “Don’t you leave me here, Russo,” your head shook desperately, as did your voice. “Don’t.”

Without saying a word, Billy’s jaw tightened and he was off, all but carrying you toward Matt and the car that couldn’t have come at a better or worse moment. Your friend, too noble for his own good, stupidly resisted the man on a mission and Libby shrieked when Billy’s fist landed against Matt’s cheek. He shoved your friend toward the sidewalk where his sister cried and got into the driver’s seat like it was his plan all along. Libby tried to pull you back with them, insisting it was self defense and you didn’t have to run, but one look and she knew.

The second your door shut behind you, Billy pulled away, blessedly unnoticed by the blue lights approaching from the opposite direction. You were shocked when your getaway driver stopped the car after only a few blocks, slipping into an open spot in front of a fire hydrant and stepping out of the car without explanation. He opened your door and pulled you out when you didn’t immediately follow, dropping Matt’s keys in your seat before slamming the door behind you. A half turn over your shoulder and the blue from the responders’ lights bathed the buildings on the corner. You were far too close to be safe, but Billy pressed on, walking so close behind you that his chest moved you forward more than his hands. Around one more corner and it all made sense. There was already a plan in place, a car stowed safely within walking distance of the bar meant to carry Billy away before he was jumped and his identity exposed.

You settled uncomfortably in the front seat of a sedan that -under any other circumstance- would make you laugh to see Billy behind the wheel of it. “We can’t travel like this,” you gestured down to your short dress and blood stained skin. The man next to you made a disgruntled noise, but flipped on the turn signal all the same when you pointed out Libby’s street upcoming.

Billy stood watch at the large front windows, peeking through the curtains suspiciously and giving you commands from the other room. There wasn’t time for you to change clothes, which you hated, but you were allowed 5 minutes to grab whatever you’d need so you shoved what belongings you didn’t have to dig for into a bag, flying from every corner of your guest room. Job’s excitement at seeing you and Billy, together and walking through the front door like you’d been invited rather than pillaging through the flower bed for a false bottomed rock, lasted only the length of the entry before even the dog decided that your frantic packing was too much for him. With your bag slung over one shoulder, you scribbled the quickest apology onto a pad of paper in Libby’s junk drawer, hoping she wouldn’t find it until you were long gone. You trusted she and Matt and Noah to do the right thing, to tell the truth about what they saw. You weren’t sure what to expect of the bachelorette party that watched like a herd of scared sheep, phone out and backs hunched as they gasped and gawked at the death befalling tiny screens. There was time to spare one final glance toward the refrigerator, normal clippings and wedding announcements and grocery lists. Your friends would slide back into their normal lives soon enough. They’d feel the need to mourn again, despite attending your funeral just hours ago, but they’d be forced back into work, obligations, other friendships.

You had no such luxury. There was no normal from here on out. Whatever you thought you’d been running from in Europe was soon to be clawing at your door. It was impossible not to recognize that your journey with Billy so far had been easy compared to what was coming next. He was going to be hunted, while your dying slowed him down, dragged more like. The humble bag of belongings over your shoulder suddenly weighed a thousand pounds and the strap dug into your skin. In your haste to be close to Billy, your desperation to stay with him, you hadn’t stopped to consider what a cruel fate you were damning him to. Libby lit the spark, a guilty smoldering in your chest, thinking about Billy losing you the way your best friend had lost your brother. She was broken and changed, but you couldn’t fathom what Billy would do once you were gone. Torn between wanting to spend every waking second with him until your last and letting him run without you there to complicate his survival, you didn’t notice him moving through the house to find you and hurry you along.

“Let’s go,” he said sharply, urging you with his eyebrows and an extended hand, but his other hand was not empty and it amused you more than it should.

“What are you doing?” you asked, seeing the answer for yourself without addressing it. Billy shook his head and furrowed his brows like he didn’t know what he meant. You nodded at his hip, but he ignored the gesture completely, passing Job’s black leather leash from his left to his right hand, and walked out.

“Time’s up,” he announced again without further explanation and the dog behind him was more than pleased to be included. Job had no idea where he was headed or the dangerous circumstances that had brought his two favorite people back to him and for a moment, you allowed yourself to be like Job. You fought back your amusement and nodded solemnly, following Billy and his beast out of your friends’ home, apology tucked into a drawer and bag drawn up over your shoulder. Just before exiting, you stopped at the front door to kick off your heels and slide your bare feet into a pair of Libby’s walking shoes. She wouldn’t miss them and you were in greater need at the moment. This way, you hoped, she’d know you were safe upon entering, even before finding the note with half assed explanations. With the door closed behind you and the hide a key back in its place, Billy loaded Job into the back seat while you settled into the front. It could have been the start of a road trip, if you let it. Man, woman, dog, all piled into a car and headed for the next adventure.

Billy leaned over and you didn’t even try to hide the tears tracking down your face, overcome by the idea that your only normal moments would have to be imagined from now on. Usually one to prefer silence in these complex situations, you were surprised when Billy started to speak. Jose was the man’s name. He’d been involved with Billy’s tiny army, plundering New York City and taking back what they felt was owed to them after sacrificing so much in service. Jose, Billy explained, was the only member of their gang that questioned his decision to leave the game when he did. He didn’t explicitly say it, but her name hung in the air anyways.

“A lot of people died because of me…” Billy continued and you turned to face him in your seat. His eyes were forward, occasionally drifting toward dark mirrors, but never toward you. “Frank… if what Jose said is true… Frankie’s on a fucking spree.”

“Is that any different than before?” you asked honestly. You didn’t know Frank that well, or at all, minus a handful of meetings that always left you feeling nauseous before, during, and after. He was the Punisher, famed for clearing the streets of those that crossed him or his moral compass. Watching the Boondock Saints with your brother was one thing, knowing someone with twice the training and fire power was loose in New York with your soulmate’s name at the top of his list was something else entirely. Billy wasn’t the good guy in this story, you loved him, but your brain hadn’t disintegrated that much yet. Given another opportunity, Frank Castle would end Billy’s life without pause. That wasn’t a fact easily forgotten, or forgotten at all, but knowing that even one person blamed Billy for Frank’s less than judicious behavior was terrifying.

The steering wheel squeaked under the tight flexing of his fingers. You knew him well enough to know that Billy didn’t feel responsible for their deaths, not really. He was smart enough to draw conclusions about how they ended up on Frank Castle’s hit list, but he wouldn’t lose any sleep over them either. The only thing that worried you was if Billy was looking for a reason to fight Frank one more time, this would be as good a reason as any. You reached over to touch his arm and as awkward as it was to hold onto his elbow when Billy made no moves to reciprocate or accept the touch, you left your hand where it was. Only when Job’s snout shot up from between your seats and bumped the back of his arm did Billy react, dropping his right arm to trap Job’s face between his arm and his ribs. He looked up then, meeting your eyes for the first time since getting into the car. His expression was unreadable in the dark, but you disregarded the voice in your head that told you not to push him. “You’re not going after him are you?”

Billy’s eyes drifted purposefully back to the road ahead and you expected your question to linger without ever being answered. An unspoken confirmation of your worst fears. “I’ve got other shit to do,” he answered suddenly, releasing Job’s head from its hold and sliding his arm through your hand until your fingers fell in the spaces between his. Billy tightened his hold, fingertips digging into the back of your hand, then let go completely, switching hands to steer with his right. His elbow rested by the window and he cupped his own chin, covering his mouth with his forefinger as if deep in thought.

You. You were the other shit to do. You had to be.

On the one hand, overlooking his choice of phrasing, you were encouraged. He’d planned to keep you around and knew he couldn’t be with you while successfully hunting Frank Castle. That was… nice. In a way. There was a time when Billy’s feud -if you could call it that- with the Punisher took precedence over you and the trust he placed in you. Somewhere over the last year, Billy learned of your importance to him. Of course he didn’t share this as he was discovering it, but the night he held you and forced you to look at the passports he’d secured for you both before blowing Anvil to the ground, he’d laid it out clearly. You meant something to him and without his memories, he had to be sure. Once he was sure, he was all in. Or so he said.

Which made everything else harder. How could Billy Russo be all in when he had no idea what was coming next? A few months in Europe away from the US government and the Punisher, your brain was changing, but that was nothing compared to what he’d have to deal with soon. You and your doctors had discussed end of life expectations, but how much was Billy ready to shoulder. Would he regret his choices when you couldn’t keep your eyes open anymore? When you couldn’t get to the bathroom by yourself? When your throat rattled with every labored breath? When you weren’t sure where you were or who he was? How much of your dying could Billy stand before he took Job for a walk and never came back?

You’d meant to talk to him about it back at the bar- god, could that really have been an hour ago? Hearing Libby’s heartbreak as she talked about losing your brother was too much already. How much worse would it be when the goodbye was drawn out and by the end, he was so sick of caring for you that your departure was more of a relief than a loss?

“Billy, pull over,” you demanded suddenly.

He ignored your warning, but the churning in your stomach wasn’t waiting on your soulmate.

“Billy!”

“We gotta- SHIT!” You felt the car slide over to the shoulder when you lurched forward, hand over your mouth too late as the contents of your stomach emptied through your fingers and onto the thick rubber mat between your stolen shoes. When the car finally stopped, you were quick to exit, heaving twice more before falling backwards. Your butt hit the damp grass and your body slumped into the slope of the ditch until you were flat on your back. Slow breaths pushed whatever was left back down and when you were feeling brave enough to open your eyes again, you focused on a familiar cluster of stars to keep the rest of the galaxy from spinning away. The archer was facing back the way you’d come stumbling, taunting you, daring you to rise and face Billy Russo after throwing up in his getaway car. He could wait a few more breaths. When the sticky sweet scent of alcohol soaked soil wafted up into your nose, you frowned, wiped your wet hand in the grass, and stood, not really ready to face him, but unwilling to lie out in the cold smelling your own sick any longer.

Billy was watching you, one arm bent over the hood while he stood between the door and the driver’s seat. He didn’t strike you as the hold your hair back guy, but seeing him out of the car at all was a surprise. Your embarrassed shuffle back toward the vehicle was met with silence, only the thud of the door closing behind you and the click of your seatbelt broke it. Billy pulled himself back in once you were situated and in a matter of seconds, you were rolling again. The puddle by your feet was even worse than the wet ground you’d left in the ditch and Billy didn’t hesitate to roll every window down. The wind whipping through the front seat did little to cover his scoffing.

“Smells like death.”

“Get used to it,” you murmured back and waited for Billy to reply with something smart. The rebuttal never came, but he sat straight up after it, left fist clenched against his thigh while his right hand kept the car steady. He heard and you knew you’d need to talk to him again, seriously, but the adrenaline was well and truly worn off and the sickness wasn’t exactly invigorating. What a mess. You briefly imagined what Kathleen would say about it all before remembering that your phone was safely tucked into your purse, dropped at Libby’s feet in the middle of the night’s chaos and with it… shit.

“The address,” you said quietly. Billy’s eyes flitted up to the rearview, without responding. “The address you gave me, we can’t go there. Libby has it.”

“I put it in your bra,” Billy stated, already sounding frustrated.

“I put it in my purse so I wouldn’t lose it and…” you gestured vaguely. You honestly couldn’t remember the last time you were holding it. Maybe when Billy bumped into you on the street? Once the fight broke out, your attention was not on your belongings.

Billy took a deep breath through his nose, shaking his head as he dug his own burner out of his back pocket. He nodded to the backseat, “gimme that blue pouch back there.” You turned onto your left hip and opened the duffle he always had with him. Along the front side of the bag, you felt a leathery pouch.

“With the zipper?” Billy hummed and you pulled it out for him. Job whined quietly from the backseat, clearly not pleased that you were rummaging around in his space without even petting him. While Billy had the pouch between his legs, looking for something, you stayed turned toward Job, reaching out to run one of his ears between your fingers. He relaxed again, laying across the bench seat, so you rested the side of your head against your seat to watch him sleep and within seconds, you too were out cold.

Before you knew it, your eyes were flying open at the gentle vibration of the trunk slamming shut behind you. Looking around, it was impossible to tell how long you’d been out. The sky was just as black as it was before, but nothing outside the windows looked familiar and you were definitely in the car alone.

Billy was loading his bags and yours into a gray pick up that was so comically large you weren’t sure his long legs could pull him into the cab, let alone yours. You could make out at least two more men from their silhouettes, black against the glare of the truck’s headlights, exchanging words and something else with Billy before he turned back toward you. Unsure what was happening or who the men were, you waited in your seat for Billy to retrieve you, which soon enough he did. You hadn’t even noticed his jacket draped over your front until he slid it off your chest, placing it back around your shoulders once you were out of the car and standing with him. He didn’t touch you much, didn’t even wait for you before starting his march back toward the truck. You followed awkwardly, dodging the uncomfortable stares from the men he’d just been talking to and helped yourself into the passenger seat with about as much difficulty as you were expecting, especially in a short dress that still had tiny, but pungent vomit splatters on it and needed to be burned. It was probably a faux pas to wear the dress you wore to your own funeral anywhere else and you weren’t worried about missing it. Billy spoke with the men once more, pointing to the car that had gotten you here. The men weren’t interested in the car, stealing glances through the windshield at you. One had the audacity to wink before rolling his neck to smirk at Billy. You watched your soulmate’s face lift in one of his signature snarls before taking a total 180 into a similar sadistic sort of smile. He tilted his head toward the windshield, not even really looking at you before turning back and saying something that made the men roar in laughter. Through the thick glass and over the loud engine, you could hear their response and you were thankful you couldn’t hear what he’d said to be so entertaining. Instead of watching them through the windshield, you turned a bit to look in the backseat. Job was stretched comfortably across the bench, his big block head supported by Billy’s duffel bag, which left his snout right in between your seat and the driver’s. You scratched his head, amazed that the dog seemed to be adapting to this on the run business much easier than you were. He trusted you and he trusted Billy. The details weren’t anything for Job to be concerned with, so he nodded off again without trouble. You could stand to learn a thing or two from the mutt.

By the time Billy was back in the driver’s seat next to you, you had surpassed uncomfortable and settled well into ‘about to throw up’ territory again. The way the mean leered at you was chilling, but the way Billy let them, almost encouraging them, was ultimately what made your insides crawl. His head hit the seat behind him with a thud and he waited until the men, driving the first car away, were completely out of sight, not even the faint red spot of tail lights on the black highway ahead of you.

You had questions. Loads. Who were those men? Where were they going? Whose truck were you in? Where were YOU going? What did Billy say to make them laugh? Were you in danger? Was this always the plan or was Billy really so resourceful to pull off this swap all while you slept next to him?

And yet, none of them came out.

“Billy…” his head lulled to the side, looking at you dutifully without moving any other part of his body. “We need to talk.”

Billy’s huff was clearly annoyed and he straightened immediately, reaching for the gear shift and ignoring you.

“Billy-“

“They were guys from Anvil,” okay one answer. “They’re going ahead to set up a place for us in Buffalo. It’ll take a couple of days, but they got connections to get us across the border. Anything else you need to know?” His stare was hard. Impatient.

You swallowed and nodded. His nostrils flared but he didn’t say anything, so you continued. “Can we trust them?”

Of all things. That made Billy Russo smile. He licked his lips before answering. “Not at all,” he said, finally shifting into drive. “That’s why we aren’t going to Buffalo.”

The relief you felt at his words was enough to put you right back to sleep, but suddenly you felt wide awake. You even sat up a little straighter, turning a bit in your seat to look at Billy easier. The truck was pointed West, the ugliness of the night left back in Philly. Your poor friends would be left to pick up the pieces of the evening and you suddenly remembered why you’d run off on a grand adventure in the first place. Dying just left so much trouble for the ones left… which reminded you....

“Billy, we still need to talk.”

“I didn’t tell them who you were,” he assured you, derailing your thoughts entirely.

“Who did they think I was?” You asked.

Billy shrugged. “A hooker.”

“And that was believable??” Billy’s annoying smirk said it all, but he took a moment to look you up and down, lifting his eyebrows once his eyes made it back up to yours. “Ugh,” you whined. “Don’t answer that.” You tugged the hem of your dress down over your thighs as far as it would go. You were still in his jacket, a little black dress that stunk of sweat and booze and vomit, boots that didn’t belong to you. You hadn’t had a good look at your hair or makeup since before Billy fucked you in an office and there was no way your makeup had survived an evening of drinking, dancing, Billy’s rough kisses, manslaughter, and throwing up on the side of the road. The little pull down mirror above your head wasn’t even tempting at this point and Billy’s smug chuckle next to you was bad enough. You shrunk down, wedging yourself firmly between the back of your seat and the door, and Billy glanced over barely containing his amusement.

“Aw, c’mon baby, don’t be like that,” he teased in that thick accent of his and you glared at him from your little corner, pulling his jacket tighter with your crossed arms. He reached out across the console between you and unfortunately you had nowhere to go. His fingers wrapped around your shoulder and he barely had to tug before you were shifting in your seat to lean closer to him. Billy dipped his hand into the back of his jacket, rubbing your neck as you leaned further in. At his gentle kneading and pulling, you finally relented and let your head fall into his shoulder. It was an uncomfortable angle with the wide center piece between you, but totally worth it when you felt Billy’s lips brush your forehead. “You smell like a 4, but I know you taste like a 8.”

“I’m a 10,” you argued and he laughed above you. His arm was all the way behind your neck now, holding you against him as he maneuvered the giant vehicle with his left hand.

“Mmm,” he hummed. “I dunno about that. How bout we find you a shower and some toothpaste, then I can have another taste, just to be sure.”

You shook your head in complete disbelief. How dizzyingly quick could he switch from hardened criminal on the run to this flirt. Too fast. Hard day behind you and hard conversations ahead, but both forgotten for the time being. The ride was quiet and you were bound to fall back asleep before too long, Job’s snoring behind your head as comforting as Billy’s long fingers rubbing your scalp. Just before consciousness evaded again, you felt Billy turn his face into your hair, mumbling something too low to be understood.You hummed a bit to question it, but were out before hearing him repeat it.

YEAH WE KNOW BILLY. ITS ONLY MOSTLY YOUR FAULT.

Idk how y'all still put up with me and this story. Its too long. You can say it.

General Tags: @something-tofightfor @the-blind-assassin-12 @gollyderek @suchatinyinfinity @fific7 @beautifuldesastre @elanor-of-imladris @actuallyazriel @malionnes @pheedraws @commanderlola @mariaenchanted @the-blind-assassin-12 @gollyderek @suchatinyinfinity @fific7 @beautifuldesastre @elanor-of-imladris @actuallyazriel @malionnes @pheedraws @commanderlola

Let it Burn/Billy Russo: @elenarogersbarnes13 @19avocado-high51 @songtoyou @disengagefrmreality @christinawxxx @stories-you-wont-hear @lexxierave @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @thesumofmychoices @ofheroesandvillains @charmed-asylum @bugboy-and-icegirl @thefinalexperiment @lysawayne @operation-spot @ilkaeliseb @littlemermaidprobz @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @mathle0matle @a-dorky-book-keeper @blackbirddaredevil23 @elenarogersbarnes13 @19avocado-high51 @songtoyou @disengagefrmreality @christinawxxx @lexxierave @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @thesumofmychoices @ofheroesandvillains @charmed-asylum @bugboy-and-icegirl @thefinalexperiment @lysawayne @operation-spot @ilkaeliseb @littlemermaidprobz @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @mathle0matle @blackbirddaredevil23

#billy russo x reader #billy russo x you #jigsaw!billy #jigsaw!billy x reader #billy russo fanfiction #ben barnes character #ben barnes character fic #Job is a good boy #that's actually all that matters here

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juminsmysticmc · 4 years ago

Note

Good morning/afternoon/night!

Could I get RFA and Vanderwood with soldier/mercenary MC, if possible?

Nice writings!

RFA with a solider/ mercenary MC

Hey there! Of course! I hope you like it! The sources I have are Crash landing on you, best Kdrama, Descendants of the sun, still watching it and kind of Nacy CIS. But of course I also googled 😂 hope you still enjoy! Please request again for Vanderwood and the minor duo, I will make them separately ( OLD REQUEST! ) Love you!

Jumin

,,I can’t believe you,’’ you laughed as you took a sip of your water.

,,What?’’ your husband asked you and smirked.

Of course he knew what you were talking about.

,,Well, you took me as your personal mercenary just to make sure that I won’t work for anyone else. That’s absurd. I mean, that’s my work. Do you know how much hard work I invested into it?’’ you asked your husband.

It was true, Jumin planned this because he wanted you to stay safe by his side, where he could watch you and make sure that no one would harm you, even though he knew that you were a mercenary.

,,I know, and who says that you can’t protect me? Just because I am your husband and have enough bodyguards, doesn’t mean that I don’t need a mercenary by my side,’’ he told you and got up from his seat.

Suddenly, you pulled his hand. Jumin never knew that you had such strength.

And before he could ask you why you pulled him down, he felt a cold rush over his head.

In the next moment, the window broke in a million pieces.

,,Someone just tried to shoot you. I guess you’re right,’’ you hissed and hugged him to protect him.

,,Your job is to protect me,’’ he began, ,,but my job as a husband is to protect you,’’ he whispered and nodded to his bodyguards and used his body to shield you.

,,Thank you,’’ he still mumbled.

Zen

,,So sexy,“ Zen mumbled as you approached him, sexy lingerie on your skin, covering the parts of your body he wanted to see and explore the most.

Finally, the time had come, he thought.

But Zen was so wrong.

,,Salute Sir!“ you said over the phone, your voice completely changed.

It was as if you were another person.

,,Yes, Sir, yes!“ you said again before hanging up the phone and quickly changing clothes, leaving Zen stunned.

He got to see the parts he wanted to see, but the mood got totally destroyed.

It didn’t happen for the first time that you were called to work. Your tasks as the captain had to be done after all.

,,I love you. Please stay safe,“ he mumbled and softly touched the scar on your arm.

,,I will, Zen. Sorry for that. Thank you for staying by my side,“ you said and kissed his cheek, taking your gear and leaving for your next mission.

Yoosung

Three years passed ever since you got dismissed from your tasks in the military.

You got pregnant and both you and Yoosung decided that the best way to protect your baby and future children was to stop what you were doing now, which was being a soldier.

,,I should have stopped back when I met you. That way I wouldn’t have been in such pain,’’ you mumbled as you signed your resignation letter.

Yoosung, your husband, observed you.

,,Mc,’’ he mumbled and hugged you, holding your head at his chest as you slowly began to sob.

The sobs were getting louder and louder and Yoosung realized that he would destroy your dream.

,,What if you stayed?’’ he asked you.

You looked up to him, your red puffy eyes made his heart tremble.

You were so cute and so fragile at the same time.

Yoosung wanted to hold you as he had the urge to protect you.

,,What?’’ you asked him, unable to understand what he wanted to tell you.

,,I mean, you can stay there. Not as a soldier but maybe as a...teacher? A mentor?’’ he asked you.

And so you did.

Thanks to your husband you were able to stay in your job and do the things you enjoyed without hurting the love of your life growing below your heart.

Jaehee

You don‘t need to go!“ Jaehee said as you put on your uniform.

,,Jaehee Kang, before the both of us got married I told you and asked if you were sure. You assured me that you would never try to hold me back!“ you told her and glared at your wife.

Ten days passed and you just had to go again to school for your training.

In Jaehee’s eyes, you did a splendid job, but also a very dangerous one.

She couldn’t stop herself from feeling scared when the memories came up.

Jaehee was alone for a very long time. Losing both her parents and losing you would kill her and she was sure of it.

,,I promise you, I will come back. We can enjoy a few days of vacation, but I need this training. Please trust me,“ you kissed her, trying to make her feel better.

She knew that you could make everything work, however, she still worried about you.

,,You’re watching too many Kdramas,“ you laughed.

Of course you could understand her fears after what she had to go through.

,,The reality is different, trust me,’’ you kept trying to assure her and left the apartment with your brown uniform.

Jaehee watched you from her window and like every time you guys had to part ways, she prayed for you to come back safe… something her mother never did.

Saeyoung

When you got locked up in the apartment, you made sure that every single connection to you disappeared.

To be honest, you weren’t even scared.

You experienced a lot of death missions so this wasn’t anything to be worried about yet.

Just when Saeyoung arrived, you became a bit cautious.

Not even that you needed to get worried.

No, instead, you finally had someone to talk to face to face, except that he was in a bad mood.

And so you fought back.

One day, he was really stressed and you knew that the situation wasn’t an easy one, so you decided to take out your rage with sport.

You didn’t know, however, that he observed you for a short time.

,,You look… as if this is something you do regularly,’’ he commented.

,,Indeed, I do. I guess I’ll die anyway, so I’ll tell you. I’m a mercenary,’’ you told him, leaving him shocked.

,,So, rely on me, I will fight for you,’’ you whispered and began to approach him.

Saeyoung didn’t even flinch when you approached him and tried to put him down to show him what you were able to do.

,,You are a hundred years too young for me,’’ he told you and for the first time in recent days, he smiled.

,,Think so?’’ you laughed when you could use all your strength to come on top of him.

,,I don’t think so, so acknowledge me. You need me.’’

And that’s how your story began...

MASTERLIST 1

MASTERLIST 2

MASTERLIST 3

10.03.2021// 08:15 MEST

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lilyofthestyx · 4 years ago

Text

Fighting For Tomorrow: Chapter Six

Disclaimer: Still haven’t bought AOT but I’m working on it!

AN: this. is a doozy of a chapter- i know. lots. and lots. and lots of words. but DAMN if i didnt love every part of it. however! if you guys prefer smaller chapters please please please dont hesitate to say something. seriously. id love to write you guys more frequent, smaller chapters but if you guys like the longass, slightly infrequent chapters then they shall continue. just say the word bby. also i felt kinda poetic in some of these sections so if you see reader gettin fancy with her verbage, don’t trip. that was my bad.

Reiner x Fem!Reader, eventual Captain Levi x Fem!Reader, Sasha x Sister!Reader

Word Count: 10k (i finished this at 2 am today before class and nearly passed out at the sight ‘10,008 words’ when i pulled up my word counter. CH-YOW this a big boy)

TW: gore/blood/violence/death, adult language/swearing, slight PTSD, mental anguish, self-harm, grief, nightmares, insomnia, hysterics, horse accident

You can read parts one, two, three, four, and five just by tapping the lovely numbers!

The flames crackle and rage before us, engulfing our comrades’ bodies in scarlet and gold waves.

Engulfing Marco’s body.

Jean had found him. Just… laying there. Up against a building. No one had seen him die, no one knew how he died, just that he did. Marco- our comrade, our friend... my friend- just gone. Taken from us. There was no valiant deed. There was no heroism. There was no triumphant story. Nothing. He just… died.

And that’s the worst part.

He was taken from us and no one knows how. No one knows why.

Marco was one of the first comrades I got close to. We were competitive- always fighting to outdo each other. I’d train two hours, he’d train three. He’d pass the ODM test after four tries, I’d pass it in three. Back and forth, back and forth.

But if we faced something bigger than us- if there was an exercise we couldn’t quite pin down, if there was another Cadet giving us problems, if one of our squad members were injured- we’d always come together to beat it. It was always like that.

He was like my little brother.

I scoff at myself. They all are like my younger siblings. Eren, Armin, Mikasa, Jean, Connie, even Annie and Bertholdt. They’re all family and losing Marco… it was like losing a brother.

I did lose a brother.

My brother is among the flames- being turned to ash before my eyes. Marco is gone. Taken from me. Robbed from me. From everyone. His intellect, his kindness, his leadership. All of it gone. Taken from humanity.

We’re just kids.

Marco was just a kid.

All of us- bright-eyed kids wanting to do our best for humanity. To take back what was stolen from us. To serve humanity. We didn’t know how much hate, how much horror was waiting for us. To watch our comrades- our family and friends- be torn apart in front of us. To lose the ones closest to us in unspeakable carnage.

All we wanted was to do something for humanity.

All Marco wanted was to do something for humanity.

He was just a kid.

Tears are streaming down my face as we all watch the flames consume the bodies of fallen soldiers. I can hear the crackling of wood, feel the heat on my skin. But the crackling is distant and the heat is faint. My chest feels empty and cold.

I lost Marco. I lost Hannah. I lost Franz.

And I’ll never get them back.

But I’ll be damned if I allow anyone else to be taken from me.

The Commander roars and rages before us, engulfing us in his words. They burn and singe like fire as they cross the Cadets’ ears. I can hear them whispering among themselves- asking if he’s serious or if he’s crazy or already resigning themselves to the Garrison.

It doesn’t matter what they say.

I’m joining the Scouts. Commander Erwin’s words are a comfort, a pleasant yet caveat warmth. Like a candle sitting beside a curtain. I know what I’m signing up for. I’ve always known. But it doesn’t mean I’ll be giving it all up now.

“I’ve made my decision.”

My eyes turn away from the Commander, landing on Reiner’s form beside me. His gaze is still stuck on the Commander, back straight and shoulders squared. I turn my gaze back to the Commander- not wanting to be chewed out by a commanding officer for not paying attention. “...really?” I ask quietly, “Where are you-?”

“The Scouts.”

My eyes are back on him. “What?” I hiss, “Reiner, you can’t... throw away your shot at the Military Police- you worked so hard, why would you-?”

“Eren was right,” he says quietly. I can feel his chest fill with breath before he chuckles. “They don’t need our skills so far away from the walls. They need us where we’re at use- where the people are.”

“Rei, please, please,” I whisper, “Please don’t do this.”

“Why not?” Reiner chuckles again, “You want me gone?”

“It’s not like that,” I shoot back, “I just…”

“You just what?”

“...I don’t wanna lose anyone else.”

“...you won’t.”

“You can’t know that… I’m already worried about Eren and Armin and Mikasa- if I have to worry about anyone else-”

“You don’t need to worry about me, darling… Because we’re going to get through this,” I can feel his finger graze the side of my hand before his hand takes mine. “Together.”

A shaky exhale leaves my mouth as I close my eyes. “...together,” I whisper as shivers run down my spine.

“That’s right, darling.”

“...those who wish to join other divisions are dismissed.”

Shuffles of feet scurry past me as I remain. I can feel their gazes, their judging glares and confused looks. They mumble to themselves. ‘Insane’, ‘crackpots’, ‘suicidal’, ‘deathwish’. Nervously, I swallow and grip Reiner’s hand tighter.

I can feel his smile. Proud and bright like the sun. Warming like the sun. Relaxation smoothes out over my skin as I soak it in.

I’ve done it. Finally. After years of fighting and hoping and wishing and dreaming about this very moment, I’m here.

The crowd clears out and a scattering of us remains. My eyes dart to each of the figures in the hopes of identifying my fellow crackpots.

Reiner. Armin. Mikasa. Bertholdt. Ymir. Christa. Sas-

My heart stops.

Sasha. Connie. Jean.

What the Hell are they doing here?! They were supposed to join the Military Police. They were going to, weren’t they?! Why are they still here?! Why aren’t they walking away?

At the very base of my stomach, something churns. Quickly and violently.

I think I’m gonna be sick.

I’m already going to be looking out for Armin, Eren, and Mikasa- I came to accept that long ago- but now Sasha? And Reiner? Connie and Jean, too?

Most of everyone I’ve ever loved has just signed their hearts and bodies away to the Scouts- to nearly certain death.

There has to be a way to change their minds, right? There has to be.

...but there isn’t, is there?

They heard the statistics. They know how many have died in the Scouts. They know all the facts, all the dirtiest of details.

And they stayed.

Gods, why did they stay?

I’ll drag each of them out of here by their ears, kicking and screaming, if I have to. I already lost Marco and Hanna and Franz. I don’t think I could take losing them, too.

But if they truly want to- if they know the risk and want to dedicate their hearts just like I am… why would I stop them?

I should be proud.

They’re- we all are- dedicating ourselves to the better future humanity deserves. To the eradication of Titans. To the freedom we all hunger for.

“Very well!” Commander Erwin’s voice booms out over us. “I welcome you- the newest recruits of the Scout Regiment!” His fist slams against his chest in a tight salute, “This is my real salute! Dedicate your hearts to the cause!”

The group moves as one as we all strike our fists to our chests.

My eyes glide from the Commander to Sasha once more.

She’s shaking. I can hear her stifled sobs from here.

But she remains firm in her spot.

She’s made her decision.

And I can accept that.

I lay awake. Moonlight flickers through the window- inching towards the other side of the room. It’s late and I’m exhausted but even when I am, I can’t sleep. There’s too much screaming in my head. Too much gore. Too much carnage that I can only barely remember. The only things that do remember are my heart and lungs- hammering and pounding and stretching to the fullest in the wake of whatever nightmare slinked back into the recesses of my mind.

Reiner stirs in his sleep and wraps his arms around my waist. Tucking me into him, he sighs and buries his head into my neck. “...can’t sleep?” he mumbles. His voice is deep. Deeper than usual, with a gentle rumble to it.

“No,” I whisper back, shrinking into him.

“Wanna talk about it?”

I stay silent. No. No, I really, really, really, really don’t want to. Talking about whatever bothers me is like pulling teeth. It feels like a burden that I’m casting onto someone else. And with Reiner… he’s burdened enough already. He’s everyone’s big brother. Everyone’s confidant. He shoulders responsibilities and punishments for others- never once thinking about himself.

But he’s exhausted. All the time, exhausted. And he’s so good at hiding it. Even around me. But I can see it. The way his golden eyes go hazy at times, the way his shoulders sag and the way things slip his mind. The way he can become an entirely different person with terrifying speed.

It scares me how much I think he carries. Because when he breaks… it’ll be cataclysmic.

Reiner’s lips slide up my shoulder and neck, pressing gentle kisses against my skin. “...well?”

But maybe he’ll open up to me if I take the step first. Maybe I’ll show him that there’s nothing to worry about- that I’m not going anywhere and that he can talk to me about anything. Everything.

“...I’ve… I’ve been having nightmares.”

His kisses stop where they are, lips still pressed to my skin for a moment before pulling away. His grip on me gets tighter as he pulls me closer. Reiner lets his head rest in the crook of my neck and sighs. “...what about?”

I laugh quietly, letting my fingers trail against his forearm. “...I don’t remember most of them but… there is one that comes back… every now and then.”

“I’m listening, darling.”

Slowly, I take a breath. My eyes close as I remember the details of the dream. “...it always starts off the same… I’m in a throne room and there’s a person at my feet. Sometimes… it’s a woman and other times it’s a man and other times, I can’t tell which, but… there’s always someone at my feet,”

“And they’re always crying,” I whisper, eyebrows drawing together and I grip his forearm. “Sobbing and pleading for mercy. A-...And I…” My voice quivers as tears start to flow from my eyes. “I… just… I don’t even know, I just… I see this… light- red light- come from their eyes and they just… they convulse and thrash around for a moment- screaming and crying and begging- before… before they…,”

“...before they die at my feet,” I whisper brokenly, eyes open and staring out into the distance as the scene replays. “And when they finally die… I look up… and there’s… corpses. Thousands upon thousands of corpses, Rei… All piled up on top of each other and in writhing rigidity. As far as I could see- there were bodies- and… and somehow I know that… that I… I had… somehow I know that I was the one that killed them all.”

“I’m your squad leader, Ness,” the man before us states before clapping a hand onto the horse towering beside him. “And this! Is my horse, Chalet…”

My eyes drift away from him, blankly settling on the various horses in their stalls behind me. I’ve tuned him out… I should probably listen to whatever he has to say. But… I’m so tired. Another night of staring at the ceiling while listening to Reiner snore and watching Bertholdt contort himself into a coil across the room.

I don’t know how many sleepless nights I have left.

My body lurches forward slightly as someone nudges me from behind. I turn to face whoever it was. Jean is towering over me with a smirk on his face as he pretends to be watching Squad Leader Ness. “...what the hell was that for?” I mutter, facing forward.

“You were falling asleep again,” he chuckles quietly, “Another… late night?”

I scoff and shake my head, “You’re a child.”

“You didn’t say ‘no’.”

“No, Jean,” I hiss, “I just… couldn’t sleep.”

I can feel him deflate slightly behind me. “...oh…”

“Yeah.”

“...I get them, too.”

“I really hope you don’t.”

Connie, standing beside me, scoots closer. “What’re we talkin’ about?”

Jean answers at the same time as I do. “Sex.”

“Food.”

Connie’s eyebrows furrow slightly as he risks a glance at me. “...huh?”

I sigh and roll my eyes, “We were talking about-”

“Did someone say ‘food’?” Sasha whispers excitedly behind me.

I sigh and roll my eyes again. “You three are-”

“Hilarious.”

“Your favorites.”

“Really hungry.”

Groaning softly, I shake my head at their responses. “Gods… I thought Armin, Eren, and Mikasa were a lot… then I had to get you knuckleheads thrown in, too.”

“Now!” Ness states, looking significantly more disheveled than he did a few minutes ago. Adjusting the bandana around his head, he huffs and stands up straight. “Follow me and I’ll show you to your dorms- and then you’ll be introduced to your horses.”

He walks off, leading us between the stables and the looming walls of the castle. My eyes trail up the crumbling stone- plants and vines and flowers managing their way through the cracks- and over the rolling hills dotted with trees. Sunlight floods the stone courtyard, basking us all in its warmth.

It reminds me of home.

Not Shiganshina- but of the modest cottage in the forest. I smile to myself, watching Sasha bother Jean with Connie’s help just in front of me. I remember playing with her in the trees. We made and marked that forest. There isn’t a tree in that entire forest we haven’t carved up with arrows and knives or with the undersides of our shoes as we climbed their roots and limbs. Sasha would be afraid at first- of foxes or wolves or falling or tripping. But as soon as I took her hand and led her to the sunlight, to the tops of the trees, to the very breath of the sky… she’d always hunger for more. To go to the brightest spot in the forest, to climb the highest tree, to scale the steepest cliff.

My smile starts to fade slightly.

She’s even more afraid than she used to be… did I cause that? Does she even remember? She was young when I left… Does she remember when she scraped her knee and told her that she was now one with the forest- that its blood was in her and her blood in it? Does she remember that first tree we climbed together? Does she remember the nights we would run barefoot around the dew-covered clearings in the heart of the woods with no light to guide us except that of the moon? Does she remember what it was like to not be afraid?

Will we ever get to go back…?

The group stops. Ness smiles at us and points down the hallway to our left. “Down this hallway are the boys’ rooms,” he points to the hallway to our right. “And down this one is the girls’.” He chuckles and turns back to us. “There is… one other thing.”

Uh oh.

“There’s only one bathroom.”

I stifle a groan. It’s a goddamn castle. How in the walls is that even possible- one bathroom, my ass.

“Well… only one that’s in good enough shape to be used, anyway. ‘sides the officers’ bathroom...” Ness admits, a sheepish smile growing on his lips as he rubs the back of his head. “You’re welcome to fix up the other ones, though! ...although, I think you’d need help…” Ness continues muttering more to himself than anyone else.

One bathroom. Unbelievable. I growl under my breath as Ness marches us back out into the courtyard. You’d think Captain Shortstack would be all over the renovations of this place- bathrooms included.

Whatever. It’s not like I shower when everyone else does, anyway. There’s always a possibility I could sneak into the officers’ bathroom like when we were in training… And there was that river...

“I can see you already coming up with a plan,” Sasha appears next to me, lowering her voice. “What’re ya thinkin’?”

I laugh softly, nudging her arm with my elbow. “Nothing regarding food.”

Sasha pouts slightly, “Fine… then what’re ya thinkin’ about?”

“Just plannin’ my way into the officers’ bathroom.”

“Oooh,” Sasha laughs maliciously. “Do you think they’ll have hot water?”

I sigh, closing my eyes and imagining the steam and feel of hot water cascading down my body. Hot water was a privilege in the Cadet Corps. ...one that was constantly being robbed from me. I’d mostly show up after everyone had already showered, praying that maybe I’d have even a moment to myself to unwind- and to not be stared at. And nearly every time, I bathed in freezing cold water. But there were a few times where I’d be wrapped in steam, delicate streams of hot water warming my frigid body.

...now that I think about it, those ‘few times’ were whenever Reiner would wake me up early to get in the shower before everyone else.

“Gods,” I mumble, looking at Reiner as he walks with Bertholdt and Annie. “I really hope so, ‘tato-muncher.”

As if he felt my gaze on him, Reiner turns around and smiles. I return the smile with a scrunch of my nose. Reiner’s eyes glide behind me for a second, returning to me before darting back behind me. I turn around to follow his gaze.

Eren.

Eren runs straight for us, green cape flaring out behind him as he charges towards the group. Our eyes meet and his pace increases. My hand latches onto Sasha’s sleeve and tugs, “‘Tato! ‘Tato, look!” I laugh, slapping Connie’s shoulder. “Look who it is!”

Connie and Sasha turn around and I can hear the others turn along with them. Armin and Mikasa greet him first, taking him into their arms and speaking quietly amongst themselves for a moment. When they break away, Eren’s smile widens as he looks over us.

“...you’re all here?” he asks quietly, smile slightly fading. “You all joined the Scouts?”

“Well, yeah,” I laugh, “Why else would we be here- shits ‘nd giggles?”

Eren rolls his eyes before scanning over us again. “Wait… if you’re all here… That means Jean, Marco, and Annie all joined the Military Police.”

My heart plummets like a rock into my stomach. That’s right. He wasn’t there for the funeral. He doesn’t know.

The remaining section of our group walks up behind Eren- Jean leading them all. Eren turns around and groans. “Not you, too.”

Jean doesn’t react. His face unreadable and voice flat, he rips the bandage off. “Marco’s dead.”

“...what?” Eren mumbles, “What did you just… What’d you just say? Did you say Marco died?”

Jean’s voice stays still as he continues.

“Seems like not everyone can die a dramatic death.”

“You don’t think it’s weird?” I laugh, picking up a section of hay and starting back towards the stable. “We know everyone, every thing’s position in the formation except Eren’s- arguably the most volatile and important piece of information to have. That isn’t the least bit confusing to you?”

Reiner shrugs, taking the hay from my hands. “Dunno… I haven’t really thought about it.”

I huff and shake my head, stepping in front of him and taking the hay back. “I can carry it,” I mutter, looking at the ridges growing in his face. “And by the look on your face, you have been thinking about it.” I turn around, lifting the hay over the stable door and onto the growing pile just beside my horse.

My horse nudges me with his nose, huffing. I smile and rub my hand up and down his nose, “...needy, aren’t we?” I whisper softly.

“Ya gonna give him a name?” Reiner asks, patting his hand against the horse’s neck.

Peeking down under the horse’s neck, I squint up at him. “You didn’t answer me.”

Reiner rolls his eyes and walks away, sighing. “You didn’t ask anything.”

“I asked if you were thinking about why we weren’t being filled in on Eren’s location in the formation.”

“Technically, you didn’t ask,” he shoots back.

My eyes lock with his in an intense stare. “...we really gonna do this right now?” I ask quietly, still petting my horse.

Reiner sighs and looks away, running a hand through his hair. I turn back to my horse, letting my forehead rest against his cheek. Reiner sighs again. The three of us stand in silence- only my horse breaking the silence with occasional huffs and flicks of his tail.

“...I have been thinking about it,” Reiner finally mumbles. “But… not like you have.”

Here we go again with him being all cryptic and skittish and avoidant. I am so sick of this game.

“Then how have you been thinking about it, Reiner?” I hiss, lifting my head off my horse and looking into his large grey eye. “All the time- just when I think you’re gonna open up to me about what’s going on in that…” I sigh frustratedly, “That… that… stupid, thick, adorable, blond head’a yours you just… you shut me back out again. And it’s so goddamn irritating, Rei,” I admit with a slight squeak in my voice.

Slowly, I turn to face him, gaze dropping down to the ground. “...I’ve been… I’ve been so open with you. More open than I have with anyone in my whole life- except, I dunno... Sasha- but I just… It’d be nice to have some’a that returned.”

I can hear him get closer to me. Gently, his arms wrap around me and tuck me into his chest. I’m swallowed in his embrace as he runs his fingers up and down my back. “...okay,” he whispers, “okay, darling… I’ll… I’ll try and open up to you, okay? I’ll…” he trails off and sighs, tightening his hold on me as he places his chin on the top of my head.

“I know how hard it is, and… I… I’m not trying to force it out of you or anything… I just… I want to help you,” I whisper quietly. “And I promise you, Rei...I’m not going anywhere.”

There’s a coldness in his laugh. It leaves his lips like ice and falls to the floor like daggers. “Thank you, darling. Just…,” Reiner takes my shoulders, pushing us apart. His gold eyes have slightly lost their luster as they peer deep into me. I squirm slightly in his stare, eyebrows furrowing. “You have to understand that there is a lot happening- something... bigger, darling.”

I blink and tilt my head slightly to the side. “Did you… did you get another assignment?” I ask quietly, “Something under the table?”

Reiner is quiet for a moment, eyes flicking between mine. “...yes. Something under the table- from people higher than the Captain.”

My eyes widen slightly. Is this what’s been weighing on him for so long? That’s why he’s been missing at times? What he’s been trying to tell me? Another assignment that he can’t talk about, even with me-

Oh gods.

I feel like a total ass.

“Who…?” I ask quietly, taking note of the way he straightens up to scan around us before shrinking back down.

Reiner scoots us back, tucking me up against the stable door. “I… I can’t tell you but… you understand that, right, darling?” He asks hopefully, a small lilt to his voice. Gently, his fingers trail my face and a small smile crosses my face. His lips mirror mine.

“I understand that, love,” I hum, leaning into his touch. “I do… I do have another question.”

Reiner smiles wider, lovingly staring down at me. “What is it, darling?”

Nervous claws at my stomach.

I shouldn’t ask this.

Why? He’s finally being open with me- willing to at least tell me what’s wrong. Shouldn’t I-

No. There’s something bigger here. Don’t. Ask.

“__________?”

I swallow my fear and meet his gaze. “...I heard you the night after the first clean-up operation,” I admit quietly, “with Annie and Bertholdt.”

Reiner’s eyes darken, dropping down and avoiding my gaze. “...how much did you...?”

“Not much,” I laugh nervously, “Just you guys arguing about telling me… and Annie saying to only tell me when you’re sure of how I’d feel.”

With a sigh of relief, he closes his eyes and smiles. He quickly presses his lips to my forehead. “Okay, okay… Okay… Sorry, I just… I don’t need t’get... chewed out for that.” I chuckle softly, “So… that big’a deal, huh?”

Reiner laughs, “Yes. That big of’a deal.”

“...so… it’s you, Annie, and Bertholdt,” I mumble, picking at the leather strap running down his chest. “Anyone else that I know?”

“No, just us three.”

“Am… am I in danger?” I ask jokingly, “All this secrecy- it makes me wonder.”

Reiner doesn’t laugh with me.

“Rei?” I call, looking up at him. “...am I?”

His eyes slide down to me, a small smile on his lips. “...stick with me, darling- I’ll keep ya safe.”

“...what?”

“There’s a lot at work here, __________,” Reiner sighs, his eyes going hazy for a second as he relives whatever is ‘at work’. Blinking, he focuses back on me. “But I can keep you safe. I’ve been keeping you safe.”

What does this even mean? Are there people I can’t trust? If that’s true, then what? What am I supposed to do? Be some tiny little doll cowering in fear behind him? I hate being treated like some weak, fragile, defenseless thing. And what if he gets hurt protecting me? What then? What if something goes wrong and he ends up being blamed for something he didn’t do?

And what about Sasha?

“...what about my sister? What about her? Who’s gonna keep her safe?” I ask, clutching the fabric covering his chest, “If anything happens to Sasha, I…”

“Nothing’s gonna happen to Sasha,” Reiner hums quietly, “We’re gonna keep her safe.”

“And Eren? Mikasa? Armin? What about the boys? If any of them get hurt, Rei, I just… I don’t think I could…”

“__________,” he says firmly, catching my attention. Slowly, my eyes slide up to meet his again. They’re gentle and glowing in the fading sunlight. His hand trails down my face again, leaving a buzzing wake behind it.

“You need to trust me.”

I swallow and nod quickly. “Okay, yes, okay… Okay, you’re right. We… We are all gonna be okay.”

Reiner chuckles and lets his chin rest on the top of my head as he tucks me into his chest again.

“That’s my girl.”

“Oiii!” I yell, waving a hand over my head. “Ponytail!”

Eld’s head starts swiveling around, looking for whoever called him. With a gentle kick of my horse, he trots closer. “Eld!” I call again, sliding off the side of my horse. My feet hit the dirt just in front of him as I straighten up, shaking a few stray hairs out of my eyes. “It’s good to see ya again.”

Eld smiles and chuckles, gesturing down to the emerald green cape around my shoulders. “So you made it.”

I look down and rub the fabric between my fingers. A smile crosses my face as I look back up to him. “Just like I dreamed I would.”

“You’re in pretty high spirits,” Oluo scoffs as he walks by with a supply box. Setting it down into a wagon, he huffs and turns to face us. “Considering we’ll all be facing death in a few hours.”

“Always the charmer, huh?” I mutter quietly, earning a small laugh from Eld. “And if you have t’know, I’m just happy we’re one step closer to going outside the walls…” I smile to myself, imagining the places Armin used to talk about. Fire water, ice hills, saltwater that goes on for so long even the merchants couldn’t drain all the salt from it.

I think that’ll be my favorite. ‘Sea’.

Oluo scoffs again. “Bright-eyed, suicidal recruit… Just don’t get someone else killed, will ya?”

“What the hell’s that supposed t’mean?” I snap back.

Oluo smiles crookedly, realisation splitting his face like a piece of china. “Struck a nerve, huh?,” he laughs, “Better get rid of those if you wanna make it.”

“Bold talk for someone that’s too insecure to keep his own personality,” I mutter, rolling my eyes. I turn my attention back to Eld- who’s gone awfully quiet as the two of us went at it. A blush is back on his cheeks and I can see him fidgeting with his gaze in an effort to mind his own business.

“...uhm…” He mumbles as his eyes catch someone walking behind me. “This is Petra!” Eld blurts, tugging a woman by the arm. “The one that checked on you when you were, uh… asleep.”

“In a coma, more like,” I laugh, dipping my head to the woman. She has ginger hair cut just above her shoulders and soft, kind eyes. There’s something about her that reminds me so much of a deer for some reason.

Petra’s eyes suddenly light up as she looks over me again. “I remember you- you’re __________! I didn’t know you had your heart set on the Scouts. Which is surprising… considering how much Eld talks about you.”

Eld’s face goes even redder. He stands rigidly, eyes fixated on the horizon.

...I think he just went into shock.

“Well, thank you,” I hum, giving Petra another smile. “For checking in on me.”

Petra shakes her head, “It wasn’t any issue at all.”

I dip my head again and lightly punch Eld’s shoulder. “Hopefully you told her the story of how I kicked your and Oluo’s asses.”

Petra tilts her head slightly to the side before a wicked smile crosses her lips. “...I don’t think I’ve heard that one, __________. Please, tell me.”

“Well, I was walking down an alleyway when-”

“That’s good!” Eld suddenly yelps, “Thank you so much, __________, for stopping by, but the Captain’s calling us!”

Petra giggles as Eld walks behind her, pushing her by the shoulders. Captain Shortstack Jackass is watching them with his arms crossed over his chest, eyebrows furrowed. He very obviously didn’t call either of them. “You’ll have to tell me when we get back!” Petra calls.

“Of course!” I laugh, watching as Eld goes even redder. Petra waves over his shoulder and I do the same before mounting my horse. I give his neck a gentle pat and urge him forward- back towards the stable.

“You... need a name, Horse,” I mutter as we trot past the various wagons and other Scouts getting their horses and gear ready. “All horses have names… I guess.”

Horse huffs at me.

“Well… you’re…” I look down at his coat as we start to pick up speed. It shimmers in the sunlight, revealing the faint speckles of black and grey under his cream-colored coat. “You’re cream and you’ve got freckles. And last I checked, you have grey-” Horse looks over slightly at me, light-brown eyes glistening. “Sorry… brown eyes. And black mane and tail.”

My eyes flick up, locking onto the figure standing just a few feet in front of my horse. Gripping the reins, I tug back to stop Horse from trampling whoever is in front of me. Instead, I feel myself being shot forward and colliding with the ground. Pain shoots out from my arm, branching out in heated flashes.

I roll onto my back and stare up at the clouds as they lazily float by. “Gods…” I mutter to myself, “That sucked.”

“Told you I’m better at handling horses than you.”

I sit straight up. My head on a swivel, I look around for the voice. It sounded just like… It couldn’t have been- no. No, I’m just-

My eyes land on him. Standing just a couple feet away, with a green Scouts cape on over his shoulders and ODM gear strapped on. He laughs, walking closer and shaking his head. “Jeez, __________, you’ll really get yourself killed if you keep trying to keep up with me.”

“Freckles?” I whisper.

Marco smiles and laughs again, “Really hit your head hard, didn’t you?”

“Freckles?” I whisper again, reaching out to touch him.

This isn’t real. It can’t be real. He’s dead. Bit in half. Died alone. Left in the sun to rot for days. He’s dead.

“Ah, jeez, you really did hit your head hard,” Marco mumbles, crouching down beside me. “We gotta get you to Sasha. She’s got some experience with injuries, doesn’t she…? And I won’t even tell Reiner! It’ll just be between us, okay?” He asks, worriedly scanning my face.

“Freckles, you… You… You aren’t here.”

“What are ya talkin’ about? I’m right here, remember? We were practicing horseback riding and maneuvering. Don’t you remember the bet we had?”

Wait a moment.

This was real.

This… this happened already, why am I…?

“...it was my haul from the Commandant’s office,” I whisper, “The… the fountain pen. You’d… you’d take it if I couldn’t pull off a sharp turn and activate my ODM gear while jumping off my horse.”

Tears start to cloud my vision as I stare up at him. “You aren’t really here,” I croak, “Are you?”

Marco shakes his head.

“...I miss you, Freckles,” I smile, tears slipping down my face as I look up at him. My hand brushes through his cheek- like he was a colored mist- but his smile remains. “Gods, I miss you.”

“You’ll see us again.”

I nod, feeling my tears start down the sides of my face. “...tell Franz and Hanna I said ‘hi’.”

“I will.”

“And you… you stay outta trouble, you hear me?” I laugh, tears choking me at the base of my chest.

“You’re the one that needs to stay outta trouble.”

I nod and laugh again, shaking my head.

“...take… take care’a the others for me, will you?” I nod silently. Marco looks up as Horse trots closer. “It’s time for me to go. Just… close your eyes, okay?”

My eyes slide closed before voices start to swarm around me. Bleeding into one another, it makes it so damned hard to hear what anyone is actually saying. All I can do is feel.

And someone’s got me by the shoulders, shaking me pretty damned hard.

I open my eyes to see familiar faces. “...I’ve got to stop waking up to you guys looking down at me like I’ve died.”

The four of them sigh.

“If you die because of a stupid horse incident, I’ll never forgive you,” Jean mutters, getting to his feet and walking away. I can hear him muttering about ‘how stupid’ of a funeral that would be.

“What?” I laugh, wincing at the pain shooting from above my left eye. My fingers graze the spot- only to pull away with a scarlet coloring.

Ah, shit.

“So,” Reiner grumbles, scooping me off the ground effortlessly. “You and your horse have a bit of an issue?”

I scoff, curling into myself as my head starts to pound.

“No?” He asks as we walk towards the castle. “Then what the Hell kind of stunt were you tryin’a pull?”

“I-,” I stop and groan, clutching my temples as they begin to sear. “I… I thought… I thought I saw someone.”

Reiner looks down at me as he pushes the castle door open with his back. Eyebrows furrowed, eyes flicking over every inch of me. It’s the same damn look as every other time I’ve gotten hurt. Which… arguably… is a lot of times.

The ODM incident where I almost cracked my skull open on a tree branch.

The time I slipped and fell in the bathroom.

The sparring training where I cracked three of my ribs. And my arm. And dislocated my shoulder. All because I wouldn’t yield.

The rooftop.

The grocery store.

Various little minor accidents scattered throughout.

And now this.

We round the corner and he places me onto a bed. I watch as he runs a hand down my face and sticks his head out the hallway to look around before returning to my side. Reiner sighs. “What am I gonna do with you?”

“Love me,” I hum, closing my eyes slightly as the pain throbs and squirms beneath my skin. “Unconditionally.”

“Gods,” he mutters, scooting closer. “I probably will.”

“Probably?” I ask quietly. “Not ‘most definitely’?”

A deep sigh passes his lips. It rumbles in his chest like thunder. Calming, soothing, gentle thunder. Memories of the forest running to find shelter as another storm took us by surprise. Bare feet padding the grass. Clothes sticking to our skins. Hair plastered to our faces- much like our smiles. Wiping her face as she ducks behind my arm. Telling her that the forest was telling the sky a joke, that the thunder was the sky’s laughter. Watching her peek out to watch the forest and sky talk, laughing as she swears she heard the punchline.

Does she remember what it was like to not be afraid?

“Hey,” Rei mutters, shaking my arm slightly. “Don’t go to sleep on me yet.”

“...sorry,” I mumble, opening my eyes and letting them glide to his spot beside me. “Where is she-”

The door slams open. Sasha- with eyes wide and clutching medical supplies to her chest- pants in the doorway. “Did I make it?” She asks wearily.

“Did…,” I trail off, sitting up to look at her. “Did you think I died?”

Sasha shakes her head, kicking the door closed just as Connie and Jean try to walk in behind her. “No,” she mutters. Plopping down beside me, she looks over me. “Just thought maybe you’d passed out.”

“Check my eyes,” I remind her. Sasha nods and leans in, forcing open my eyes with her fingers.

“...your eye-holes seem to be fine.”

“...my pupils?”

“Eye-holes. Same thing.”

I know Sasha’s joking but by the look on Reiner’s face, he does not.

“She’s only kidding, love,” I whisper as I take his hand. “She knows the basics.”

“Yep,” Sasha agrees, digging through the pile of medical supplies she brought in. “And you don’t have a concussion- and that thing on your head doesn’t need stitches- it should heal in a week or so... so you’re good to go after I clean it… ha!” She snatches a bottle of saline and a bandage. “You’ll be all good in no time, __________. Trust me.”

I’m the one that taught her. Why don’t I trust her?

“You awake?”

I focus back in on the now. The present. My surroundings.

Scattered trees and hills to the right. Denser trees on my left. Two horses trailing behind me. No flares from either direction. Reiner just in front of me.

“Always am.”

“Good.” He starts to pull back on his horse, levelling off with me. “How’s your head?”

Instinctively, I reach up and graze the bandage. “I don’t feel anything.”

“Good.”

“...are you okay?” I ask, looking over at him. His skin is pale and flushed pink with a slight tinge to his ears. “Here. Drink some.” Unbuckling my flask, I hand it to him.

...and he downs the entire thing before handing it back to me.

“Rei, are you sick?”

“No, I just-”

“Well, love, you look like you’re either about to shit yourself or vomit,” I laugh worriedly, “Are you sure?”

“__________, listen, I…,” he sighs and looks away. He’s even more red now.

I nudge him with my elbow. “I’m listening.” I smirk, stirrupping Horse again. My eyes turn to the horizon, scanning for any flares or anything that approaches us.

Reiner returns my smile and sighs shakily. “I wanna-”

Something appears in the distance. “What is that?” I mumble, staring at the thing. “Do you see it?” I point. “That.”

Reiner looks at the thing, squinting. “I… I can’t tell.”

“Should we fire a flare off?” I ask, reaching to my saddlebag. “Just in case?”

“Just… hang on-”

He stops just as the thing changes form, moving closer towards us and faster.

It takes shape as it grows. Fourteen meters, blonde hair.

Female body type.

My hands move on their own- throwing the canister into the gun, lifting it straight up, and firing. Red smoke fires out from the gun into the clouds. “Rei, we have to move!” I yell, turning the horses in towards the center of the formation.

I look over my shoulder, watching the two horses trail after Reiner. He stays going forward, heading right for it with glazed eyes. “Reiner!”

My eyes follow his gaze as I bring Horse to a stop. They land on the Female Titan, who snatches something from mid-air and dropkicks it. Blood trails after the broken body and I watch ODM wires disconnect from the Female Titan’s body- following the body.

It’s… is it like Eren? A person inside it?

“Reiner!” I scream again.

It gets his attention. Snapping out of his daze, Reiner makes a sharp turn.

As he gets closer, I press my heels into Horse’s sides. “Ha!”

Footsteps follow after us, thundering and quivering the very organs inside of me. My breath catches in my lungs as I feel it- her- getting closer. Gods. Gods, please. Not like this. Not like this. Not like this. Not like this.

Something flashes at my side. With trembling force, a foot lands beside me- crushing one of the horses before it could even make a sound.

We’re going to die. Right now, we are going to die.

I wince, waiting for her to reach down and crush me in her hand. Reiner yells something but it’s lost in the frantic whinnies of our horses, the pounding of my heart, the panting of my lungs. When it reaches me, it’s blurred together like the colors in my eyes.

‘I’ve gotten hurt’ is what it sounds like.

Gods, please. Spare us.

My fists clutch the reins as I look up. Blonde hair, blue eyes, fourteen meters. This is what will kill me.

The Female Titan’s other foot collides with the earth beside me. All at once, sounds and colors and shapes retract into their determined forms. Everything flushes back into focus as the Female Titan takes another step away from us. I watch as she continues sprinting towards the center- leaving us in her wake. Her head turns to look over her shoulder before she presses forward.

Right to Armin.

“Rei!” I yell, sticking Horse again. “She’s gonna hit Armin! She’s headed right for him!”

“C’mon!” He yells back, appearing at my side.

“This is the job we chose, right?” Jean snaps, “So lend me a hand!”

The rest of us are silent. Only hoofbeats and footsteps resound around us. Silently, Armin pulls his hood up over his head. “...pull your hoods up. Over your heads- far down enough so she can’t see your face.”

“You’re thinking she won’t kill anyone that could be Eren,” Reiner mutters, tugging his hood up over his head. “...that’s a nice, but small, consolation… Let’s hope she has bad eyes, too.”

Jean shakes his head, laughing. “I was always creeped out the way you used to hang around Eren so much,” he mutters as he pulls his hood up. “But I always knew you were capable.”

“...‘creeped out’ is a little harsh but thanks,” Armin mumbles.

Feeling the three pairs of eyes on me, I tug my hood up as well. “...I always knew I’d die next to you three bastards.”

“Well. If we don’t,” Reiner chuckles, “We’ll throw a big party ‘nd get married.”

“Oh yeah,” I scoff, pulling my swords out from their holsters. “We’ll have a big ol’ buffet ‘nd everything. I’ll even have a live band play for us.”

“You two lovebirds over there still squawking?” Jean barks, leaning forward to glare at us.

“Will you shut up for a minute?” Reiner shoots back, “I’m… Kinda doin’ something.”

“You can ‘kinda do something’ after this!” Jean yells, “We’re not dying today.”

“Fine!” I snap, “I’m not spending my last moments fighting with you two morons! Let’s just do this. Delay her as long as we can- by any means necessary. Got it?!”

The three grunt in agreement. “Jean, go to her left,” Reiner starts, “Armin, you go to her right. __________, you-”

“I’m going with Armin!” I whip my reins and follow after Armin as he heads to the Female Titan’s right hand side.

We level off just behind her. “She’s much slower than when she attacked me!” Armin comments, “If we’re going to do this, it has to be now!”

“Wait for Jean!” I yell, “He’s the best out of us with ODM gear. If he can get a good angle on her, it’ll be us being his support!”

A flash shoots out, launching into the Female Titan’s leg. Jean flies in behind it with his swords readied. The Titan crouches down and spins- flinging Jean. Armin and I get to our feet and stand on our horses’ backs. As my wires stick into the Female Titan’s leg, I give Horse a tap of my heel that sends him running away from the Titan.

Something swipes just under my legs. Everything around me slows as I watch the Titan’s hand bat Armin’s horse out from underneath him. His name leaves my lips the same way it did when Shiganshina fell. Breathless. Screeching. Desperate. “Armin!”

“__________!” Reiner’s voice carries out over my own.

Before I can do anything, I feel something crack against my back. I’m pushed forward- colliding with the earth and rolling for a few feet. Landing on my back, I stare up in a daze at the clouds.

Aching pain crawls through my veins- igniting my muscles in throbbing, squeezing pain. My back arches as I take long, hard breaths to stop my heart from pounding in my ears. It does nothing but amplify the sound as I feel my lungs burn and the cages around them scream in agony.

Broken ribs. At least a few on each side.

Certain slices and patches of my skin burn from the contact with the ground. Minor scratches, bruises, friction burns.

I’ll live. If she doesn’t finish me off.

Time begins to speed up again- her footsteps not taking so long to hit the ground as they get closer. Clouds seem to flurry past and my heartbeat begins to race once more.

The fight isn’t done yet.

I push myself to my feet, feeling every ache, every pain, every burn a million times over.

The fight isn’t done yet.

I’m not done yet.

The Female Titan tightens her fist, preparing to swing backwards at Jean. Breaking out into a sprint, I click my triggers and shoot my wires into the ground, allowing me to run faster. A blur of gold and green starts towards the Titan as I do- catching me attention so I stutter and stop.

Reiner.

Teeth gritted, eyes blazing, blades glinting. He’s going for her nape.

Armin’s yelling something. The Titan stays completely still as he continues screaming.

And then she snaps.

She catches Reiner’s body in her hand.

My heart stops. Blood stops. Lungs stop.

Everything.

Stops.

“...no.”

Chills run down my spine- dull and weak. Nothing like adrenaline.

Fear.

“No… no.”

I shake my head, watching as Reiner’s body disappears in her grasp.

Someone grabs my waist, tugs me away. “No!” I scream, thrashing around as everything starts to move again. “No!”

“__________!” Jean yells, pulling me away. “We have to go!”

A blur of metal spins out from her grip, severing her fingers off from the base of her palm. Reiner pushes out and around her back. Grabbing Armin, he sprints away from her and towards us.

The four of us break out into a sprint as she stares down at her palm. She gets to her feet and runs away from us- her hand still steaming.

Something breaks inside of me. Tears start running down my face as Reiner sidles up next to me. Armin- bleeding from his forehead- is in his arms. Titan blood evaporates off of Reiner’s hair and shoulders as he looks down at me. “We’ll be okay! She won’t eat us unless she’s a cannibal! We-”

I cut him off, punching his shoulder as hard as I can. “Don’t you ever pull that shit again, Reiner Braun!” I snap, furiously wiping the tears rolling down my face. “I swear on the walls, I… I will kill you myself if you do, do you hear me?! You scared the shit outta me! I… I thought I lost you.”

Reiner laughs breathlessly. “I told you, darling. We haven’t gotten married, yet. I can’t die until that happens.”

“We aren’t leaving anyone behind,” I snap, tightening Armin’s bandages. “None of that, you hear me?”

“We might not have a choice,” Armin mutters, “If we all stay behind, we might all-”

“I said no!”

The three of us go silent as Jean continues whistling for his horse.

But the question still hangs in the air.

Who’s going to stay behind?

There’s only one horse- there’s four of us. If somehow one of us gets our horse back, we’ll be able to get out of here but until then… We’re stranded in Titan country without a means of escape.

“We have to talk about it,” Reiner says quietly.

“No,” I get to my feet and shake my head. “No. We don’t.”

“__________-”

I hold up a hand to stop him, “Don’t.” Turning to Jean, I gesture to his bag. “You have an emergency flare, yeah?”

Jean nods and gets it out, loading it into his gun. Shooting it into the sky, purple smoke trails up from our location.

It’s a long shot, but they might get the message.

“We can wait three more minutes,” Reiner says firmly. “During then, we’ll decide who’s gonna-”

“I’ll stay.” My head snaps to Armin. “Just get a message to the command section- to Commander Erwin, if you can.”

“I’m staying, too, then.”

“__________, no-” Reiner starts.

“I don’t want to hear it, Rei,” I mumble, “Please. I don’t… I don’t want to hear it but look. We’re both injured. Armin’s got a possible concussion and he’s bleeding. I’ve broken half a dozen ribs and I’ve got more bruises than I know what to do with. If anyone’s staying it’s-”

“Neither of you,” Jean laughs, “Someone’s coming this way with three horses.” The three of us look over to him as he shades his face from the sun. “I think it’s… It looks like… Christa!”

“Guys!” Christa’s dainty voice rings out as she approaches, “Are you okay?!”

I huff a laugh, “Define ‘okay’, blondie!”

“If __________’s still cracking jokes, she’s still alive, right?” Christa laughs, coming to a stop just in front of us. The three horses surrounding her skid to a stop.

Horse trots up to me, nudging me with his nose. “Hey there, Horse,” I mutter, pressing my head against his. “Ya miss me?”

“What happened to you guys?” Christa asks as she looks over me. “You look awful.”

“Aw, gee, thanks, blondie,” I giggle, “I feel awful.”

Christa’s soft face tightens slightly in concern. “...you’re sure you’ll be okay riding alone? Your horse… I dunno his name… but he seems to run alongside me pretty well- even without a harness.”

“Yeah, that’s him, alright,” I mumble, rubbing Horse’s nose. “But I think I’ll be alright.”

“...I’m with Christa,” Jean says warily, “You broke six ribs.”

“What?!” Christa screeches. “Six?! No, ma’am! You’re riding with me or with Jean! Six ribs- what were you thinking?!”

I shrug. “I’ve done worse.”

“Worse?!”

Oops. Shouldn’t have said that.

Christa sighs, pinching her eyes closed. “Fine. The past is the past. I can’t change it. But you- right now- are going to ride with Jean or me. Pick one.”

“Yes, Your Majesty,” I mumble with a smirk. “I’ll ride with you. Give the boys a little show, how ‘bout that?”

Christa turns a light shade of pink as Reiner helps me sit on top of Christa’s horse. “You behave,” Reiner mutters with a stern look.

But I can see it.

A little mischievous smirk plays his lips as he pulls away.

“Yes sir,” I coo, “I’ll be on my best behaviour.”

The four of us start off towards the center. “What’s your horse’s name?” Christa asks. “He really seems to like you. Before, I couldn’t get him to hold still- then, when I said your name, he calmed down and followed us perfectly fine.”

“...I just call him Horse.”

“...oh…”

I sigh and turn around to watch as Horse gallops. Cream-colored coat hiding thick muscles that twitch and writhe. Dots- freckles- that spatter his coat. His black mane whips about in the wind.

“Freckles,” I say quietly.

“What?”

“Freckles. That’s his name.”

I groan, letting my head fall back as my legs swing off the tree branch. “Rei, we’ve been sitting here for hours and you haven’t said a word to me,” my lip juts out in a pout, “Please talk to me.”

Reiner grumbles under his breath. His arms cross over his chest as he sits on the farest end of the tree branch away from me.

“Baby,” I whine, “you aren’t still mad at me for-”

“Yes, I’m still mad at you for being a tease. And we’ve been out here an hour. Hour and a half, tops.”

“Tch,” I groan again, “Baby, it was just a joke. I didn’t mean to drop my ring.” I hold my hand out in the sun to look at my moonstone ring as it glistens. “It wasn’t on purpose.”

“...you dropped it three times before we got up here.”

“I would never do anything to tease you.” Reiner raises an eyebrow and I roll my eyes. “On a mission.”

Rei’s shoulders lose some of their tension. “...you really didn’t mean to?”

“Of course not, baby,” I coo softly. “Not on a mission.”

Reiner sighs and rolls his eyes before getting to his feet. Wordlessly, he plops down beside me and lays his hand over mine on the branch. “You only call me ‘baby’ when you’re guilty,” he murmurs into the shell of my ear. “...so I forgive you.”

“Oh good, you caught on,” I tease, nudging him with my elbow.

“Easy, there, girl,” he huffs, “you’re still on thin ice.”

“You can’t stay mad at me,” I turn to face him and flash him a face-splitting smile. “I’m your darling.”

“...you’re right,” Rei laughs softly. “I could never.”

The two of us fall into a comfortable- buzzing with adrenaline but still comfortable- silence. I lean forward to look at the Titans gathered at the base of our tree, clawing and gripping the bark in an attempt to get to us. Hungrily, they salivate and stare up at us with glazed eyes.

The Female Titan. Why is she doing what she was? If she’s human, wouldn’t she want the walls to remain? They keep us safe for the time being. The outside world isn’t ready for us to break down our walls. And if she does want the walls gone, why?

And who is she?

“...are you listening?”

“Hm?” I ask, leaning back. “No, I’m sorry, I was just…,” my eyes flick down to the Titans, “...lost in thought.”

“I was just asking how your sides are.”

My fingers rub against my sides. They aren’t sore, they don’t hurt. I’ve always healed fast but knowing how long it’s supposed to take to heal sometimes, it’s… a little disconcerting. “I don’t feel anything.”

“...you’re better already?”

I shrug, “It could just be adrenaline. Or maybe they weren’t as badly broken as we thought they were. Bruising and breaks are really similar…”

Reiner hums in acknowledgment. “As long as you feel okay. When we get back, I’m still getting you checked out.”

“Yes sir.”

I lean over the side of the branch to see the Titans again. “It’s strange that we weren’t directed around the forest.” I comment quietly, leaning over more before my ODM wire locks into place.

“...Iyeah,” Reiner mutters, “Why wouldn’t we just go around?”

“I dunno,” I strain, slightly jiggling the wire a bit. “But do you think it was on purpose?”

“It’s Commander Erwin,” Rei chuckles, “Of course it was.”

“That’s true… I just… It’s so hard for us to see threats coming in,” I grip the wire and tug harder. “So why send them in?”

“Assuming he knows of the right flank casualties, we should’ve retreated a long time ago,” he mutters, “But we’re here and the center flank is somewhere in the trees.”

“Which is also weird, right?” I ask, yanking on the wire even harder. “I mean, if we are gonna go in, why not-”

The wire snaps out of the branch. The force of me pulling sends me over the edge of the branch. I watch as the wire extends rapidly- reeling me down towards the Titans’ grasps. Reiner runs to the end, reaching out to grab my hand.

But it’s too late.

A hand wraps around my body and pulls, unlatching my ODM wire from the tree. It starts to tighten as it turns me around to face it. My eyes lock onto it and I scream, thrashing around wildly. My arms are pinned in its hold- trapped against the steel of my ODM blade holsters and the clammy flesh wrapped around me.

Another Titan stares at me hungrily. As I look at it, red light starts to pour from its eyes like fog. Without warning, it lunges. I wince and duck away- waiting to be engulfed in moist darkness.

It doesn’t come. It’s replaced with an unearthly howl of pain and the sound of tearing flesh.

The grip around me falls away and as I’m spun in a free-fall, I catch glimpses of the scene above me. Red fog pours from the Titans’ eyes as they all latch onto the Titan that grabbed me. Bite by bite, they tear into the searing flesh of the Titan and devour the steaming chunks of bleeding meat.

They’re… eating it.

The red fog.

It was real.

My body stops, swinging up before I hit the forest floor. As we land on another branch, Reiner hugs me to his body tightly. “You scared the shit out of me,” he says raggedly. I feel tears drip onto my shoulder. But I don’t look at him- even as he pulls away, gripping my shoulders.

My eyes are focused on the fog swirling through the bodies of the Titans.

What the Hell is it?

Why does it keep following me?

Why does it keep saving me?

“...__________!”

I’m pulled back into my body- away from the grasping hands of the Titans that force muscles and tendons and organs down their throats. Blankly, I stare at Reiner. “What happened?” he asks quietly, looking over his shoulder at the Titans. “Are you-”

A scream rips out of my throat as I look down at my hands. My fingers start to rake through my skin, clawing for the source of the red fog.

Get it out.

Get. It. Out.

Reiner’s hands fumble with mine as they try to stop me from continuing the hurried slicing of my skin. “Darling, darling,” he says calmly as he grabs my wrists, “Darling, hey, look at me. Look at me.”

Wildly, my eyes fly around my surroundings.

Get it out. Red fog. Red fog. I have to get it out. I have to find it.

Red fog. I have to get it out.

Red fog.

“__________!” Reiner snaps, shaking me by my wrists, “Look at me!”

My gaze settles on him but I can feel myself twitching and writhing in place.

Red fog.

Get it out. I have to get it out.

“...you’re okay,” he mumurs, “You’re okay now, okay, darling? You’re safe.”

Tears burst from my eyes, leaking down my face as I roll my hands around from my wrists. Trembling violently, my body falls to the floor. Reiner catches me before I fall, scooping me up under my arms and holding me to him.

“There’s something... inside of me,” I strain, keeping down the screams wanting to claw their way out. My nails rake his back- threatening to rip through the fabric. “There is... something inside of me, Rei. I don’t know what it is. And I’m so scared, Rei. I just… I don’t… I don’t understand it. I… I don’t know... what it is. There’s… There’s something inside of me, Reiner, please! Please, Rei! Take it out! Get it out of me!”

WHEW

a doozy like i said. if you made it this far, i am so proud of you. my short attention span could literally never. as always thank you so much for reading and i hope to hear your thoughts and comments!

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