#and he tries so hard to be like jacen and all grown up

[weresmarterthanthis]

BEN MY POOR SON 😭😭😭

[tigereyes45]

As the War Ends

Can be read on AO3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24603022

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Kallus stands at attention as Mon Mothma talks. Her usually short stature made much larger by the war room’s projection holograph system. Zeb was with Hera watching her live. Leaving him alone with the rebels of Lothal. Many had accepted him but there were still a few who clearly felt uneasy around him still. Foolishly Kallus had thought the air of constant tension would disappear after the liberation of Lothal.

Mon Mothma cheers with the invisible crowd as the heroes who stopped the emperor and his right hand man, Darth Vader are gifted medals. Suddenly, collectively, as if they had all been holding their breaths, the room erupts in a joyous encore. All the rebels of Lothal who had just watched silently join in on the celebration. All their years of work paying off, not only for their planet but for the galaxy. The holograph goes out before they could see a medal be placed on the wookie. By that point Kallus was the only person still watching anyways. The room had turned into a whirlpool of bodies. Hands pat his back, as bodies shove past each other for the doors. Holding onto the table in front of him was all Kallus could do to not be swept away in the commotion.

With the room cleared after a few minutes of utter chaos, he could finally breathe. The temperature in the almost empty room plummets as it's many heat sources flee to find other ways and places to celebrate. They deserved it. Kallus pulls out a chair for himself. The Empire was defeated. The force he had spent so much of his life serving was gone. It would be difficult for the foot soldiers to recover from it's lost. The many people who had never really known a life before the empire would be lost for a time. Just as he had been when he left. Many of them would be arrested and charge as they should be. Only a few would get off easy. Even the ones that did wouldn't be as lucky as him. If he hadn't ended up on that moon with Zeb his life would be very different.The ringing of his comm terminal brings his wandering mind to a halt. Looking down at his wrist, a small holograph of Zeb's face hovers right above it. The lasat had a talent for reaching out at just the right moment. On the moon, catching many of his secret messages as fulcrum, his defection, and far more when they were on Yavin 4. At one point Kallus entertained the idea that Zeb was force-sensitive once. A connection that allowed him to just know when he needed to hear his voice. Of course he wasn't. If he had been Kanan would have been able to sense it. Which meant that it was luck, and perhaps a basis of understanding that results in his fortunate timing.

Kallus pushes past his hesitation and answers. When his figure appears Garazeb was looking at something behind him. Cheers and fireworks sound off from his side. They were muted comparatively to the shouts coming from down the hall. Undoubtedly they were louder around him. He hadn't even noticed that Kallus had answered yet. A brown furry hand clasps Zeb's shoulder. It shakes him gently. Casually it gestures towards Kallus before disappearing back out of view. Zeb's ears stand high as he looks surprisingly at him. He smiles back at the shocked man. He looks as if it had been Kallus who called him.

"Kallus!" Even the fur on his ears was standing up.

"Hello Zeb. How is the celebration?"

"It's goin' fine." Rubbing the back of his neck, Zeb looks down towards the ground. The static-y blue holograph fitz out for a moment. "How is the kid doing?"

Kallus smiles warmly. It wasn't often that Zeb was nervous. "He's fine. Fell asleep about an hour ago. I have my communicator tuned into his room so that I'll hear him the moment he wakes up." He makes a big show of looking around the room. "Actually the partying just started over here. The noise could wake him up any moment.  I should probably go."

"Wait!" Adorably Zeb reaches out as if he could stop him with his hand. Kallus tries not to laugh as he quickly retracts his arm. Zeb folds them back over his chest. He puts on a determined expression. Kallus leans back in his chair. The smug smile never leaving his face as he leans back. Zeb keeps his glare on something in the distance that he can't see.

"With the war ending and all I figured," He cuts himself off with a sigh. "Hera and Lothal won't need us around as much once the dust settles." Kallus nods in agreement. The next couple of months would be chaotic. Afterwards the two of them would be hard pressed to find work to keep them busy. There wouldn't be much need for an ex-imperial officer, and a lasat guard on Lothal.  If Hera and Sabine left then Zeb would probably go with them. Would he? There was still the search for Ezra, but it wasn't his place to invite himself.  He could wait. Waiting not hard, it's just the not knowing that's difficult.

"There's a place I want to take you." The words are blurted out in a rush. Kallus would have assumed Zeb was drunk with the way he was running his words together.  But he wasn't. Not only had he been speaking perfectly clear before, but Zeb had a bad habit of leaning back whenever he was drunk. A habit he picked up from trying to keep himself from falling over when drunk. All it managed was to assure he would just fall backwards instead, but Zeb was folding inwards. His hand was scratching the back of his neck, and his eyes had avoided him up until now. This wasn't a drunk Garazeb. This was a nervous one.

The lists of possible jobs he was complying in his head stops. A familiar heat rises in his face. He had resigned himself to waiting. Kanan had been kind once to take him in, but truly he didn't expect it twice. Even though he and Zeb had grown quite close.

"Where?" His voice was quiet. Far too quiet to really be heard over the cheers. Somehow Zeb manages despite that.

"It's a surprised. Someplace important." Zeb stops talking and leans a little closer to his comm device. Did he really expect a no? Well if their roles were reversed Kallus would ask expecting a no as well. When his answer doesn't come immediately Zeb adds, "Important to both of us." He start waving his hands around. "But you can't ask where it is, or look at the maps until after we get there. It has to be a surprised."

Kallus sighs deeply, pretending to be annoyed rather than moved. "Zeb if this is a plan to go back to that moon I'd rather not."

"It's not." He doesn't try making a joke. There's no quipping line in solidarity over their disdain for that place. In fact he was leaning even closer now. His face was stern and nervous. The two emotions constantly fighting in the way his cheeks were, or how his lips curled.

Kallus sits up straight. Slowly he brings the holograph closer to his face. "I'll pack my things."

"Really?" Zeb sounds incredulous. "You would just come?"

"Well if you lot were going to kill me you would have done it by now. Should we tell Hera that she'll need to find another set of babysitters?"

Zeb's face slowly shifts from the surprised expression he had been so fond of tonight to a genuine smile.  His body slowly starts to shake as he nods. "Yeah, yeah. Yeah! I'll tell her. She knew I was asking you anyways! Sabine could still help out, and we can come back. I'll have to tell her too." His excitement was contagious. Kallus channels his nerves into his legs. They quickly start to bounce erratically as he watches Zeb loudly cheer on the other side. A group joins in his cheering from his side. "I didn't expect you to just say yes!"

"Then don't make me regret this." He was joking but Zeb just kept nodding. He balls his fists up and smirks.

"You won't. See you soon. I'm gonna go get Hera now. We'll be right back!" With that the holograph cuts off.

"Didn't even give me a chance to reply."

Kallus leans back in his chair. Resting his feet up on the table his muscles start to relax. Tonight was a very good night indeed. He still wasn't going to go out and celebrate with the rest of the base. He had to get back to Jacen after all. Now there was packing to do too. His mind wanders as he leaves the control room. The halls were filled with small groupings of people here and there. All enjoying the hard-won victory. What place could possibly be important to both of them? There was the moon. Most of the ships they had been on together have been blown to bits. Not that he would have to pack if they were just visiting a ship. No it had to be a planet, but which? He dwells on the question for the rest of the way. His mind only returning to the moment as he opens his bedroom door to find a young Jacen sitting quietly on his bed. With a smile the child had been patiently waiting for his return. How he managed to not set off the motion detectors or noise monitors Kallus chucks up to the fact that he was probably at least partially force-sensitive like his father.

"Are you hungry Jacen?" The child eagerly nods.

Kallus steps off to the side and holds his arms out. "Let's go get some food then." Instead of running out the room past him, Jacen stops at his legs and holds his arms up. Kallus smiles and picks him up. "I have it on good authority that your momma's coming back tonight." He cheers throwing his arms up. Kallus readjusts him on his hip. He had already had dinner, but a snack as they wait should be fine.

[barbokay]

it’s just a pain train. I’m sorry. (esp. after TROS novelisation, I’m extra sorry)

Back Story:

Post Crait (TLJ), Rey, who felt like she didn’t belong with the resistant anymore, ran away from base and was injured in an unknown planet, the bond opened, and ben saved her. He didn’t want her to, but she followed him to self-exile them self in an outer rim moon nobody knows of.Rey found out her linage (being a Palpatine), she hated it, hated herself, but Ben helped her to be back on track. Long story short, they fell in love, made a family, and then THIS happen (if you don’t want to read it, basically Poe find them and killed Ben). This is 13 years later, after Reylo baby is all grow up with no memory of his dad until his friends found out about whom his dad was and bullied him hard for being a monster’s son.

“Hey, kid. What are you doing here?”

Jacen was unbothered. He was walking around the glass case, looking around the medals and trophies that mostly got the Resistance emblem on it.

“You sure have a lot of medals.” Jacen didn’t look at Poe, his eyes kept wondering around.

“To be honest with you, it kept loosing meaning.”

“That’s too bad.” Jacen stopped and his cold gaze caught Poe’s. “Which ones do you get for killing my father?” Jacen tried his best to keep from showing his overwhelming emotions.

“What?” Poe was caught off guard.

“Which one is it? Is it this one? ‘Bravery in defense of the resistance’. Has killing my father lost any meaning to you? Don’t you feel proud of yourself for it?” Jacen’s eyes started to glass and darken. He saw Poe and it’s like he’s in his mother’s vision where Poe Dameron shot his father and now he could only see red.

“Jacen... kid. You don’t understand.”

“What should I understand?” His eyes are now brimmed red and the blood vessel in his eyes breaks. The glass cases shook as well as the ground and it put Poe into a jolt of shock. Jacen’s force is causing all of it. His power is growing by the second fueled by the anger he had in his bones.

“Son...” suddenly a whisper in Jacen’s ear. “Let go.” It whispers again but Jacen keep ignoring it.

“Stop! Jacen! STOP!” Screamed Poe with fears filling his eyes.

“Jacen... let go...” Jacen hear it again, the whisper.

“Kid! Listen! Kylo Re... Ben solo was...” Said Poe who was trying to keep his feet on the ground.

“Don’t you dare say his name!” Jacen pushed Poe to wall behind him and break every single glass case and trophy/medals with the force like dominos.

Everything in the room is broken and there were glass pieces everywhere. Poe was trying to get up from his fall when Jacen pushed him back down. Poe can feel his temple was bleeding and he got a massive headache from the bang. Jacen wanted to hurt him more, Poe deserve nothing good after what he had done to his family.

Jacen was about to step closer to Poe and do more damage to him when he heard another whisper, “Turn away, son, please. Let me show you where to go. Turn away now.”

His foot was heavy, he didn’t want to show mercy let alone weakness, but Jacen turned around anyway. He didn’t feel tug or pushed, but his feet were moving one in front of the other by itself. Like it knows where to go and his body followed it.

Jacen didn’t feel any fear when he was about to destroy Poe’s trophy room and pushed him against the wall, but now suddenly fear rushed trough him and make his body weak and tremble. He didn’t know he got that much power inside his newly developed body. He looked down at his hands and felt like it’s not his.

“No. Stop. Wait.” His body wanted to move but his mind was stopping him. “What is happening to me?” He asked as if there was someone around him that could answer. “Who ever you are... I know you know what’s happening.”

“Keep walking, son. I promise. I’ll show you.”

Jacen took a deep breath and continued walking.

—————————******——————————

“Dameron!” Rey shouted from behind the doors. Poe, who was still sitting on floor with his bloody forehead, could only groan in pain. “Dameron!” She shouted again.

“Just come in!!” Poe shouted back in frustration.

Rey opened the door that was heavy due to the rubbles around it.

Rey got inside and look around the now destroyed trophy room. That room, she noticed it from her holopad once. It was on the news, right after she was dragged to the base. She noticed the white sharp powder that was on the floor; it was once glass from the cases. No one can smash glass like this except for force user. Jacen!

“Dameron!” She shouted one more time and heard a loud groan on the other side of the room. She carefully got to where the sound came from and then she saw Poe with bloodied cheeks trying to get off the floor. “What did you do to my son?” She was gripping her saber that was attached to her belt.

Poe let out a painful cough and weaved before he could answer. “I did nothing to him, I swear!” It was painful to talk.

“Then what the hell happen?” Her breath was heavy.

“He asked me about be.. His father.” Learned from a recent lesson, he wouldn’t say his name again.

“He had a name you know.” Said Rey walking closer to him.

“Well I won’t say it again!” Shout Poe. “That is why this bantha-crap happened.”

Rey’s lip pushed into a tight line. “Where is he?” She asked sternly.

“He ran off. I was sure he was going to hurt me again, but h..”

“Why? Why are you sure? Because he’s ben’s son or because he’s a Palpatine just like me?”

“Because I deserve it!” Poe yelled again. His answer startled Rey. She didn’t think he would say that. “I broke your family and I deserve it.”

Rey stared at Poe for a moment. She said that she could never forgive him, yet her heart started to betray her. “Do you know where he ran off to?”

“No.” He shook his head; his chest was heavy with breath.

Suddenly, Rey felt something grazing her force signature. As if someone caressed her shoulder to make her aware. She closed her eyes to concentrate and figure things out. She can feel something, something so familiar, something she longs for over 10 years now. Ben? She didn’t want to be hopeful, but it’s very hard when she want it to be true for so long that this day would come.

She’s seeing something, something familiarly cold, the metal beast she used to hate, the Tie.

“Ben’s ship... is it here?” She looked at Poe and her eyes are glistening with tears.

Poe looked at her with a great amount of confusion. “It just got here, a few days ago. It’s on Leia’s will, she order it to be brought here, I thought you knew.”

“No.” She answered quietly. “Where is it?”

—————————******——————————

“A Tie ship, First order.” Jacen was out of breath. He couldn’t believe what’s in front of him. For over 10 years now, he has been obsessed with a lot of make and models of many spaceships, but this one, the one that he had not realised belongs to his father, is another kind of a space beast. It’s impressive, yet too familiar.

Trust me. Get inside. Said the voice. Jacen was trying to figure whether that voice belongs to the light or the dark. He didn’t find a definite answer. His mother had told him something about the balance of the force, but not much that he could know what it is.

He got into the ship and the air that hits him from the inside brings an immediate memory of his childhood. Right on the arch of the cockpit, he can see something carved in. ’Jacen’s, 75 by’ and above that ‘First officer Jacen Solo’, and above that ‘Captain J. Solo’. He recognized, it’s not in his mother’s handwriting nor his, someone else wrote it on the wall, someone he wished he know or didn’t forget.

“I’ve been here.” He said quietly to himself.

Then he saw something shiny hanging by the windshield, the twin dice. He observed it at first the. Picked it up. The gold metal is cold against the warmth of his palm. He put it on his right hand and close his fingers shut. Right away he can feel and see his grandmother Leia but younger. “She’s so beautiful. Strong.” He thought. Then, someone else, he got his smirk, his stance, and he pilot the falcon it with uncle Chewie. And then he saw a little boy with dark hair, he looks just like him when he was five, only his nose is different. He was sitting on the falcon’s pilot seat, pretending to be a pilot.

Jacen. The voice is back and it startled him. It tried to warn him, but Jacen wouldn’t stop seeing his vision.

“Don’t stop me, I need to know.” He said to the thin air and he can feel it understanding him somehow.

Jacen continue to see. The black haired boy, he can hear voices too, only different ones, bad ones, from the dark side.

“I don’t know what to do with him.” The man Jacen saw earlier was talking to his grandmother.

“You don’t know or are you scared, Han?” Leia snarled back. Han, he must be the pilot. He had heard that name before

“Oh don’t put words in my mouth. You’re scared. You don’t know what to do with Ben!”

Jacen got another name, Ben, the black haired kid.

He saw him again, Ben, He is now grown. Ben stood in front of Han, darkness surrounded them. “I’m being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain.” Said Ben. His face couldn’t hide the conflict within him. “I know what I have to do but I don’t know if have the strength to do it. Will you help me?”

“Yes, anything.” Said Han. There was a pause but the red strikes through Han’s body. Seeing it send a great shiver down Jacen’s spine he almost couldn’t stand.

“No!” Someone screamed from afar, Jacen know that voice, it’s his mom.

Jacen turned around to see his mom but then he saw Ben again, only now he got a prominent scar across his face. He kneeled and looked forward as if looking through Jacen, but Jacen knew, he’s looking at someone else. Jacen turned back around and saw Rey, not a vision, she really is there.

“Jacen...” said Rey, she exhaled in relief that she had found her son in one piece. Her voice is small but it was filled lots of emotion, fear and guilt. Jacen never saw her like this.

“Mom.” He went across and hugged his mom. His whole body is cold and shaking, both in fear and adrenaline. He didn’t know what was he going through and why is this happening.

“I’m here, sweetheart. I’m here.” He’s so much taller than her but she managed to hold his son’s head. She’s scared for both of them, but she has to be strong for him.

“I don’t understand any... anything!” He yelled, the frustration is snapping. His forehead was on Rey’s shoulder.

“I know. It’s okay. You don’t have to understand.” She still wanted to protect him. ‘It’s too much, too hard for him right now.’ She thought

“Mom,” He snapped up right after she finished her sentence. His eyes were still brimmed red and his face was red and blotchy. “I need to understand. You don’t have to shield me from anything. I’m not a kid anymore. And... All this power...” it’s scary, it’ll scare you. He didn’t say it but she can hear it.

“It does not scare me, Jacen. I will never be scared of who you are, my love.” She grabbed his face.

“Ben.” Jacen said his father’s name and it made Rey’s breath hitched. “He’s my father, isn’t he? Grandma was scared of his power.” He can feel Rey’s hand that was on his face turned cold. “He killed someone. Han, my grandfather. Didn’t he?” His voice is full of anger, spite.

“He..” Rey tried to speak but couldn’t.

“He was a bad man.” That anger roared again and Rey’s hand fell from his face. She held herself tightly, afraid she might burst out. She couldn’t look at him so she starred at the ground.

“A monster.” He said it and Rey’s head snapped right up. Her eyes still got fear, but now old pain has brought another kind of emotion.

“What my friends have been mocking me with is true, isn’t it? I didn’t want to believe it, but it’s true, isn’t it? Evil blood runs inside of me, I’m a monster’s son.”

That does it for Rey.

“You.” She grabbed Jacen by his arms, her voice was course. “If the only thing you want to believe and care is what blood running inside of you, then the monster’s blood running through your vein is mine, not your father’s.” She held the great despair inside of her for as long as she could.

Jacen stared at his mother blankly, confused, dumbfounded, and somewhat betrayed. “What?”

“Your father was a bad man.” And she broke down, openly sobbing in front of her child. She pulled herself in, letting go of her son and wrapped her arms tightly around herself, needing the pressure to keep her intact. “I can’t... I can’t tell you any of this.” She promised. She promised her husband not to tell anything about him and his past to their children.

“Mom... Please.” Jacen grew Fun concern. “I need to know.”

And she did the thing she didn’t allow herself do for the past 12 years. She looked around the room, hoping that some form of Ben is there. She couldn’t find him and then she closed her eyes, reaching. ‘I have to tell him. I’m sorry.’

She open her eyes again and all she can see is the 6 year old Jacen who about to turn 7, just when she was about to hid away his memory of his father. She carefully placed her hand on his head. His hair is soft, it reminds her of Ben’s. He’s truly his son.

She took a long breath, hoping that it’d make her stronger. It did the opposite, but she had to this nonetheless. She looked at her son and she realised he deserved everything in the galaxy and that includes the truth. And then she told him everything, about her past, Ben’s past, the war, her grandfather who tormented Ben and how he turned him into the notorious Kylo Ren, how Ben fleet from the first order and saved her, how they were hiding on self-exile, how she died from fighting the only blood relative she had left, how Ben died almost died saving her, and how they fall in love and become a family. It was never hard for her to talk about the war, She fought in it, and she fought hard. But it was never easy to talk about Ben. Because no matter what, nobody will understand how a man was tormented and tortured since he was born, how his family actually pushed him aside in fear when all he wanted is to belong. People wouldn’t understand how ben and Rey were a force dyad, how she could only belongs to him and he belongs to her.

“Your father... He thought about everything. He didn’t want you to grow up carrying a huge burden of his mistake when he was not there to carry it for you. So, he made me promised to hide him from your memory so you can grow a happy kid with zero burden of the past.” It killed her when she promised it and it killed her again right now. “I hope you forgive us for doing that to you.” She wiped the tears that were on Jacen’s face “You were born from incredible love. It does not matter what blood runs inside of you. All that matters is you are our love and he loved you very much”

[kalinara]

I know you love Lukey Lou, so I wanted to ask: Why did you like his character arc in TLJ? A lot of people, including myself and Mark Hamill, felt it was poorly written and out of character.

A lot of people who hate TLJ LOVE to pass around Mark Hamill’s extremely out of context quotes about his INITIAL reaction to learning about Luke’s arc.  When he discusses the final product, he is a lot less negative.

But even if he dislikes TLJ, that’s okay, that’s his business.  Death of the Author applies to everyone involved in the creative process, and it’s okay for fans and showrunners/writers/actors to see a character in a different way.

I think though that a lot of critics of Luke’s arc in TLJ miss that it’s just that.  An ARC.  Luke at the beginning of TLJ is not the same person as Luke at the end of TLJ.  He has his own despair and trauma to face.

Luke, in TLJ, doesn’t read all that different from Luke in Legends to me, fundamentally.  It’s just that they’ve faced different things.  There are points in Legends where Luke suffers despair and depression just like he does in TLJ, but there are also other factors going on.  Luke has his order, for one.  And the Yuzhan Vong war.  He has Mara, and Ben (Skywalker), and Jaina.  He has his students and everything else to help him keep from giving in to those emotions.

Luke in TLJ is from a continuity that doesn’t have these things.  He doesn’t have a wife and child.  He doesn’t have his Order.  And Luke has a more personal connection to Kylo’s fall than he had with Jacen’s in Legends.  By the time Jacen had fallen, he’d graduated Jedi training.  He had his own life and issues.  And Jacen never really retaliated (or was the unwitting tool of retaliation) against the Jedi Order itself.  

But as Luke sees it, he’s directly responsible for Kylo’s fall.  He blames himself.  I personally disagree with Luke’s assessment, and I think the Last Jedi does too.  Luke gave in to a moment of weakness and fear.  He had a vision that told him (correctly!) that Kylo was or would become a monster.  A lot of folk hate the idea that Luke would, for one instant, even consider killing his innocent nephew.  But I think they miss or ignore that a) Kylo was a grown adult, not a child, b) the Force vision WAS CORRECT: Kylo DID become a monster that would massacre (multiple!) villages, murder unarmed old men, and be a direct participant in child slavery and genocide, and the most important c) Luke STOPPED HIMSELF.

I don’t personally think it’s out of character for Luke to momentarily give into fear and despair.  If he had ACTUALLY killed Ben Solo, that’d be one thing.  But he didn’t.  He stopped himself.

It’s interesting though to parallel Luke’s reaction to those events with “Ben Solo’s” own, because as much as I’m skeptical of the comic book series’s retcon of Kylo’s responsibility for the destruction of the Jedi Temple.  I do like how it expressly puts Kylo and Luke in the same position.

Ben (a grown adult, I reiterate) wakes up to find his uncle standing over him with a lightsaber.  His uncle doesn’t actually strike, but it’s understandable that Ben lashes out at that moment.  He thinks he killed him.  He’s horrified.  And Palpatine acts.  The Temple is destroyed.

So when you think about it.  Ben and Luke are in EXACTLY the same position in the immediate aftermath of the Temple’s destruction.  As far as I know, neither one of them is aware of Palpatine’s direct role in events.  All both of them know is that they suddenly found themselves in positions causing great fear and anger, they lashed out in said fear and anger against someone that they loved, and as a result everything was destroyed.

Now both characters had the option of going back to Hosnian Prime.  Leia and Han love both characters.  They would have listened to their explanations as to what happened.  They would have been horrified and angry, but they would have forgiven them and focused more on what they could do to help fix things.

But both characters blame themselves for what happened.  And both characters believe that they’ve done something unforgivable.

What’s important though is what happens next.  Now me, personally, I don’t mind the comic retcon because to me, the destruction of the Jedi Temple was always the least of Kylo’s crimes.  It was awful, of course.  But there’s a difference between a sudden act of fear and rage (see also: Anakin’s destruction of the Tuskan village) and the kind of deliberately evil deeds that Kylo Ren does later.

Regardless of whether or not Kylo lashed out and brought down the temple at that moment, he DEFINITELY stood in the middle of Tuanil, looking out at the army he helped to enslave and brainwash, and ordered them to fire on disarmed, pacified civilians.  (If Finn, who was brainwashed and surrounded by commanding officers and comrades who could kill him in a heartbeat, could realize “no, I’m not doing this”, then Kylo, who was GIVING THE ORDER, could have stopped this as well.)

There’s a point where characters have to own their choices.  Even if Kylo didn’t feel like he could go home, he didn’t HAVE to join a organization that’s been enslaving children and planning genocide.  He didn’t HAVE to take part in the violence and murder.  He could have done what Luke did.

Luke went into exile.  And I see fans attack that choice as “cowardly” or “selfish”, but I disagree.  Yes, Luke could have chosen instead to go to Hosnian Prime.  He could have gone to Han and Leia and he didn’t.  He could have tried to hunt down Kylo.  He could have joined in the fight against the First Order.  He could have been a hero here, like he’d been before.  

But we’ve seen what happens when a very powerful man, prone to self-loathing and despair, decides to do the “selfless” thing and become a hero.  That’s the Clone Wars in a nutshell.  What if Anakin had, after Attack of the Clones, looked around and said “Oh my god.  I just lost my mother.  I just massacred a village.  I  can’t be a soldier right now!  I need to deal with the horrible thing I’ve just done!”

We might still have had the Fall of the Republic and Order #66 (Palpatine isn’t one to discard his whole plans), but we probably wouldn’t have had Darth Vader.

And Luke knows that.  He saw what his father became.  And if anything, Luke’s more powerful than Anakin ever was.  Look at what he did on Crait.  We’ve never seen anything like that.  Look at what he can do AS A FORCE GHOST.

Now imagine what THAT would be like on the Dark Side?

I don’t know if I believe that Luke was ever seriously in danger of going Dark Side.  He isn’t prone to externalizing anger and lashing out in the same way Anakin was.  (Leia, I think, might be in more danger of that, depending on circumstances.  But thankfully, Leia has always known how to focus her anger in constructive ways.  She gets that from Padme and Bail.)  But I believe that LUKE believes he was.  And that through his exile, Luke was trying to protect the galaxy.

And that’s the BEGINNING of his story in the Last Jedi.  Because Luke has his own arc there just like Rey and Kylo do.  Luke starts off the Last Jedi in a very bad place: full of despair and self-loathing.  He blames himself for what happened to Kylo.  He’s convinced himself that he had been wrong to try to bring back the Jedi.  (But even then, he’s still preserving the books.)

Folks compare his role to Obi-Wan on Tatooine and Yoda on Dagobah, and I think that’s fair, to an extent.  But there are differences.  Obi-Wan was never in exile.  He was on Tatooine for a purpose.  He ALWAYS meant to teach Luke about his father’s legacy and protect him and train him going forward.   He leaps at the call to go help Leia, and immediately uses that opportunity to sweep Luke along.   

Yoda’s a closer comparison, really.  Since his exile is really an exile.  (Though Rebels shows that he’s not completely inactive.)  But for all that Yoda eventually helps train Luke, his story pretty much ends there.  He doesn’t take an active role after that point.

Even as he trains Rey, Luke has to come to terms with his own very complicated emotions about Kylo Ren, his fall, and the loss of the Jedi Order.  He has to move past his self-loathing and accept that Kylo made his own choices, and that he’s made HIS own choices.  He realizes/remembers that the Jedi are more than just books/old knowledge, they’re people too.  And his “I am not the last Jedi” is a really important moment that a lot of people like to ignore.  (Especially those edgelords who love the idea that TLJ showed us why the Jedi shouldn’t exist, which seriously misses the point of the movie.)

Luke at the end of the movie is not the same person he was at the start.  He’s remembered who he is.  He faces his own failure, and the parts that aren’t his fault.  He reunites with his sister, gets her forgiveness, and goes out to face his nephew without hesitation or self-blame.  He dies, but in the process, he buys them the time they need to escape.  And well, as we’ve seen in Star Wars, becoming one with the Force is not always the end of the story.  :-)

So yes, I like Luke’s arc in the Last Jedi.  It’s hard to watch, because it’s not what I would have wanted for the character.  I don’t like the thought of Luke being unhappy and traumatized, and having lost everything.  But that’s not the end of the story.  Luke at the END of the Last Jedi is everything he was always supposed to be.  He just lost his way a little bit before that.  What matters is that he found his way back.

[atamascolily]

more Crystal Star quotes from Vonda N. McIntyre

The third [ship] was Alderaan, Leia’s pride and joy. Alderaan was a sleek little ship with hyperdrive capabilities. Luke had chided her for spending the time to learn to fly it that she could have used to study the ways of the Jedi. But the truth was, it was much easier and faster to learn to fly Alderaan than to learn to be a Jedi Knight. And a great deal more fun. Maybe that was why she loved the little starcraft so much. Her responsibility to the Republic kept her from having much fun.

The same was true of everyone she knew. Luke worked himself to exhaustion. Leia thought that he deliberately worked himself beyond exhaustion, either to test himself or to take himself to another level of achievement. But he scared her, sometimes. She wished they had grown up together; she wished she had known her brother as a child, so she could understand him better.

Han did not deliberately push himself beyond his endurance. He had passed plenty of tests in his life; he never needed to give himself more. But he did press himself to his limits without meaning to. Often Leia would come home after a diplomatic reception or a long meeting with her advisers to find Han facedown at his desk, snoring. Once he fell asleep in his bath. Leia was convinced that if she had come in five minutes later, he would have drowned.

That was why he and Luke had gone on a quest together. They were both burning out. They needed time off.

She doubted Luke would find any other Jedi Knights on his quest, but she hoped he would find some rest. And she hoped Han would let loose, like in the old days.

Errr... exactly like the old days? I don’t think you want that, Leia. But I love Leia having her own ship, though I don’t buy Luke chiding Leia for it. I mean, he’s a fighter pilot, he understands or ought to.

Leia laid one hand on the silver flank of her ship. No distinguishing mark marred its limpid finish, which looked like puddled mercury. It was registered to a person who did not exist, a second identity Leia had established so that someday, sometime, somehow, she would be able to take a few days off and fly away to a pleasant place without being recognized. Its ship’s signature did not even list its name, only its number, because the name of Alderaan gave too great a clue to the true identity of the ship’s owner. Almost all the citizens of Alderaan had perished in the attack of the Death Star. Only a few had survived. Princess Leia Organa had been one of them.

I woulda called it something else, but okay...

She opened her hand. In her wide palm lay a deck of cards. A design of complex knots decorated the back. The enhanced human moved her hand, and the deck flipped over. Chance & Hazard, illuminated with gold and emerald paint, topped the stack.

I love sabacc, even if no one in the EU evr figured out consistent rules.

The letter of resources was a worthless piece of trash in Han’s pocket. His immediate impulse was to rip it to shreds and throw it into the nearest crater. But that would be stupid as well as impossible. It was printed not on paper, but on a practically indestructible sheet of archival plastic. The edges would cut his skin before they would tear.

SOLID. Cash flow is a major problem in Han’s subplot, #respect.

Ghostlings had always mesmerized him. They looked like humans, but were not. Their ethereal beauty tantalized humans and they in their turn were fascinated by human beings. They were as seductive as incubi and succubi, but as fragile as spiderwebs. For a human and a ghostling to enter into a physical relationship meant certain death for a ghostling. But there’s no harm in looking, Han said to himself.

Cool world-building detail to borrow.

Han displayed the rainbow edges of a few bills of New Republic currency. He was glad, for old times’ sake, for the sake of his smuggling days, that the Senate had failed to pass a law abandoning physical currency. Smuggling would have been a whole lot harder without hard-to-trace cash money. Of course, that was why the Senate wanted to abandon it.

LOL.

“Just thinking about the Jedi Academy. I hate to leave my students, even for a few days.....”

...because they’ll set everything on fire, right, Luke? Right?

But if I do find other trained Jedi, it’ll make a big difference. To the Academy. To the New Republic …” “I think we’re getting along pretty well already,” Han said, irked. He had spent years maintaining the peace with ordinary people. In his opinion, Jedi Knights could cause more trouble than they were worth. “And what if these are all using the dark side?”

Luke: Yeah, Jedi are awesome!

Han: *recalls being personally tortured by Vader, plus all the drama involving various Force-sensitives over the years* Whatever you say, kid. 

But she and Jacen had lots of hold-fathers and hold-mothers. Anakin had lots of hold-fathers and hold-mothers.

YEAH extended families. But I prefer “Uncle” and “Aunt” myself.

"[Winter's] services are no longer necessary,” Hold-father Hethrir said. “Children, children! You are important! Your abilities are precious! You cannot be raised, you cannot be taught, by a servant.” “She isn’t! She’s our friend!” “She has her own life to live, she cannot raise you properly with no one to pay for you.” “We wouldn’t eat much,” Jacen said hopefully.

LOL. Though FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PEOPLE, WINTER IS NOT A SERVANT.  Also, she is a badass.

Tigris tried to take Anakin from Jaina. She stepped back. Jacen jumped in front of her to help protect their little brother. Together, they created the barrier Uncle Luke had taught them to make. No one would be able to get through it. They would not let Tigris take Anakin! The barrier shimmered around Jaina. And then it fell apart like a sand castle in the tide.

It’s never explained how the villain can do this, but yay for family solidarity and Uncle Luke’s teachings even if it doesn’t work. 

She thought of a soft camp mattress under her, just dried out, nice and warm. And her smart camping blanket. It knew when she was cold and it knew to warm up. It knew to snuggle down around her to keep out the wind. It liked to get wet sometimes—it liked to swim. Then it lay flat on the ground, because it did not have any feet. And it wriggled and shook until its fur was dry and warm and Jaina could wrap it around her shoulders and go to sleep. When she was little she even liked to sleep with it at home.

Awww.....

The blade of Lord Hethrir’s lightsaber could only be activated by the use of the Force. Hethrir would not accept anyone into his inner circles who could not complete the circuit and generate the blade.

This is.... not as useful as you think it is, Hethrir.

“Why, I can virtually feel my intelligence circuits exploding beneath the assault.” “Your intelligence sounds normal to me,” Luke said.

SASSMASTER.

Hethrir had built his private receiving chamber from the finest wood of all the old Empire. Body-wood, they called it. It resembled the flesh of the people who had inhabited the forest, before the Emperor claimed the world. To his most favored officers he had dispensed the right to exploit certain resources. Hethrir’s reward had been the license to export body-wood. Lord Hethrir had begun his fortune from the license. But he used the wood profligately for himself as well. The walls and floor and ceiling of the chamber glowed with it.

The surface of the polished body-wood was the palest pink. Scarlet streaks shot through it, gleaming with light, like cut and polished precious stones. Tigris always thought the wood looked alive, and indeed it was said that the body-wood trees sustained a certain intelligence. It was said that they cried, when Hethrir cut them down. Tigris almost believed that they cried. He knew their wood bled. He had the task, the honor, of cleaning up the scarlet rivulets before they pooled on the floor and stained it.

CREEPY.

She imagined the molecules of air all around her. She imagined one molecule. She imagined it moving, faster and faster. She felt the molecule respond.

Hethrir’s power did not react. She knew it was around her, she could feel its attention off in the distance. But it did not notice the tiny motion she created. She added another molecule, another, doubling and redoubling the number she affected. Soon a small handful of air vibrated with her energy. Its warmth took the chill from her cell.

The swirl of air glowed red, then yellow, spreading light into the corners of Jaina’s cell.

Size matters not, y’all. 

"Of course thou didst comprehend the connection between the ego-flux and the universal backlight, but I wonder if thou didst make the conceptual leap to the synergy of intellectual realization and quantum crystallization?”

“I am embarrassed to admit that I had not,” Xaverri said, “though now that thou hast shown me the path, I can see that the interaction is completely inevitable.”

WARU, you complete bullshitter.

Jaina knew Jacen had asked the myrmins to climb up the stage. One of the Proctors leaped to his feet with a shout. He thought he just had sand in his pants. Then the sand bit him. The other Proctors started jumping up and yelling and scratching. And stamping, stamping on the myrmins. “Oh!” Jaina whispered. “Oh—poor myrmins, thank you, myrmins.” Some of them were running away now, disappearing into cracks and hiding. But some of them were being killed.

“We’re sorry, myrmins,” she said, sincerely, the way Chewbacca spoke to insects he sometimes killed, even if he never meant to, when he harvested forest honey. She risked another glance across the hall at Jacen. Stricken, he started to cry. He cried when Chewbacca apologized to the forest insects, too. But this time it was his fault that the myrmins were being hurt. Suddenly the myrmins all disappeared. Jaina felt the flare of Jacen’s abilities, whisking the little creatures out of danger.

Aww...

Maybe I could tame her,” Jacen said. “And we could ride her away!” Jaina had no idea how Jacen knew it was a Mistress Dragon and not a Mister Dragon. But he was always right about this sort of stuff....

No, wait!” Jaina snatched it back. “Don’t throw it.” She opened up the lens and caught the light and flashed it on the ground in front of the dragon. “Isn’t she pretty?” Jacen said. When the dragon opened her eyes, she saw the concentrated point of light from Jaina’s lens. She snorted and lowered her head. Jaina gave the multitool to Jacen. He was better with critters than she was. He wiggled the light near the dragon’s front paws. The dragon put her paw on the place where the light was. Then she had to put her other paw on top of her first paw, and still the light was not covered. She pulled her first paw out from under her second paw and lost her balance. She rolled completely over, snortling and wriggling. Then she jumped up and looked around for the light. Jacen moved it around for her to chase. She jumped forward after it, shaking the ground when she landed, raising great sprays of sand. Jaina laughed with delight. By now all the other children had gathered behind Jaina and Jacen to watch the dragon play. Jacen danced the light before the dragon, who gallumphed after it, pouncing to try to catch it. Jacen skipped the light up the cliffside that projected beyond the fence. The dragon scratched the rock with her front feet, ripping loose bits of stone. She roared joyously. She lashed her tail.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Solo twins.

Anakin plopped himself down on the seat beside Tigris. “Bad mans, Tigis,” he said solemnly.

Baby Anakin is always right about this stuff.

[gondalsqueen]

Chapters: 18/18 Fandom: Star Wars: Rebels Rating: Explicit Warnings: Major Character Death Relationships: Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla, Ketsu Onyo/Sabine Wren, Alexsandr Kallus/Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios Characters: Hera Syndulla, C1-10P | Chopper, Original Characters, Kanan Jarrus, Ezra Bridger, Sabine Wren, Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios, Alexsandr Kallus, CT-7567 | Rex, Mart Mattin, Wedge Antilles, Ketsu Onyo, Jacen Syndulla, Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa, Ackbar (Star Wars), Lando Calrissian, Jan Dodonna, Ahsoka Tano Additional Tags: Pregnancy, vague mentions of abortion, future character death in the background, Season/Series 04, Established Relationship, Oral Sex, Chair Sex, Table Sex, sex during pregnancy, chapter 2 has lots of sex, Secrets, the best pilot in the galaxy, flying combat, character injury, canon torture, flight of the defender, rebel assault, Jedi Night, Major character death - Freeform, Grief, Morning Sickness, Counseling, Masturbation, Dreams, Traditions, Space family, Inappropriate bets, Lothal, Shopping, down time, Space Combat, Battle of Scarif, Rogue One - Freeform, hammerhead corvette!, Yavin 4, Stardust - Freeform, Alderaan, Death Star, labor, Childbirth, domestic life, Lothwolves, Dogfight - Freeform, Hoth, did i mention babies yet?, Babies!, One baby, Work/Life Balance, Advice, Bounty Hunters, Capture, this story has it all apparently, Return of the Jedi, Second Death Star, Existential Anxiety, parenting, Breakups, wine and cheesecake, wine and cheesecake needs its own tag, battle of endor, Battle for Coruscant, forces of destiny: an imperial feast, The New Republic - Freeform, Quests, letting go, Travel, ask me no questions i'll tell you no lies, but one of these days you'll get a surprise Summary: The end. Kind of. 

...

Something had happened to Ezra out there, something he wasn’t ready to talk about until after this vacation was over. None of them pried. He was...different, in a lot of ways. Grown up. He finally believed in his own adequacy. With that confidence came an edge of brooding that reminded her of Kanan, though. Hera hoped he stuck around where they could support him, whatever he was facing.

In other ways he was still their Ezra—surprisingly predictable given all the time that had passed, and still the baby of the crew until they adjusted their thinking and changed the way they treated him accordingly.

To no one’s surprise, he and Jacen got along well. Their bonding mostly consisted of wrestling, with some sword fighting and a little chase for variety. Hera could have done without the just-before-bed play that infallibly kept Jacen awake and hyper. She didn’t say anything, though, because the two of them had a lot of time to make up for.  

Tonight Jacen was trying to push Ezra into Alexsandr’s small fishpond. Since Ezra vastly outweighed him he was failing, but he made up for it by practically strangling his opponent in the process — by accident, Hera was pretty sure. Really, Ezra had bought this when he picked Jacen up off the ground and threw him over his shoulder.

Oh, and that was a knee in the face.

“Ow!” Ezra protested. “Kid, you are deadly!” He twisted out from under Jacen and somehow they both ended up on their feet, facing each other. Quick as a flash, Ezra tapped Jacen’s shoulder.

“Hey!”

“Block me, then. Like this.” He showed Jacen how to bring his hands up in front of him and deflect the blows. Then he tapped Jace’s knee. “Got you! This is how you block with your feet. Try to tap my knees.”

“Your shoulders, too!”

“Sure, if you can reach.”

Hera watched her son eye a nearby boulder. She hoped he was planning to climb on it and not throw it at Ezra.

Then they both went at each other, jumping towards a shoulder or knee and dashing out again, blocking on one side and darting in on the other. Ezra went easy on Jacen, but he sped up as they played and Jace kept pace with him.

The whole thing ended when Jacen got sick of it, yelled “ATTACK!” and somersaulted across the ground towards his target. He bumped harmlessly against Ezra’s legs, but in the attempt not to step on him Ezra backpedalled and, with a whirling of arms, ended up in the water.

Hmm. Somehow they had both ended up in the water.

“Bathtime!” Hera called.

“It’s not!”

“It is, in fact, a solid hour past BEDtime.”

Ezra hit the shower in Zeb’s place while Hera scrubbed the slime off of Jacen in the Ghost’s fresher. Forty-five minutes later they’d finished showering, cleaning teeth, a snack that he didn’t ask permission to get, and teeth a second time, and they were cuddled together on Jacen’s bunk reading their nightly chapter of whatever novel Jace had picked. Since he’d gotten old enough to understand them, he’d mostly chosen from a children’s series of adventure stories about — guess what? — Jedi. Hera, remembering her own childhood, couldn’t blame him.

She read: “Shuyen closed her eyes and took a deep breath, reaching out to the Force as she fell. She could feel the air rushing past her. The wind whipped at her face roughly, but it wasn’t enough to hold her up…”

Sabine passed by the door and stopped to listen for a minute. “Are you reading Knights of the Old Republic to him?”

“Yes.”

“That’s sending mixed messages, don’t you think?”

“He likes it,” Hera told her, aware of how defensive she sounded. “It’s a good story. Who am I to tell him what to like?”

Sabine held her hands up. “Fair enough. Carry on.”

Hera finished the chapter, the Jedi who had fallen off the cliff while being chased by Sith warriors arriving unscathed back at the temple. “That’s a good stopping place for tonight,” she told Jacen, smoothing his hair back. He’d started to grow it out and they were both learning how to manage the tangles that was causing, but right now it was clean and brushed and smelled like shampoo, and she breathed in the scent gratefully.

He nestled into to her side. “Mama?”

“Yes?”

“Is Rex going to come back?”

“No, baby, Rex isn’t going to come back.”

“But Ezra came back.”

“Ezra wasn’t dead, love,” she told him gently. “Nobody comes back from the dead.” She paused for a moment to let that sink in, then continued, “I know it’s hard. It hurts for me, too.”

“I like Ezra.” He was trying to think something out. Hera waited. “But...I’d rather have Rex.”

“I can understand that.”

“But that’s mean of me, right?”

“Well…” she answered as honestly as she could. “You don’t want someone to die. You just miss the person you love. I think it’s very normal. Probably not the best idea to mention it to Ezra, though. It might hurt his feelings.”

He nodded and she tucked him into bed with a song and a kiss. “Sleep,” she told him. “You are exhausted. Go to sleep.”

“Okay,” Jacen said around a big yawn.

Sneaking out of the room a moment later she passed by the open doorway of Ezra’s bunk and caught a snatch of conversation. “...her turn for a while,” Sabine was saying. Then Ezra: “Coruscant is good place to stay, anyway. We’re going to need to talk about defenses. Maybe exploratory missions, but that might be a bad idea. IF they even decide to believe me.”

Keep moving, Hera, she told herself. She went to the cockpit to give the monitors one last check for the evening and tried to remember that Sabine and Ezra were adults and it was perfectly reasonable for them to live on whatever planet they wanted to. But maybe, maybe, maybe she’d get them back for a while. It was worth hoping.

Ezra joined her a few minutes later, a mug of warm hubba juice in each hand. “Best place to watch the sunset,” he explained. The summer sunsets on Lira San were amazing, oranges and purples breaking through the thick cloud cover. Hera swung the copilot’s seat around for him and he passed her a cup.

“Two more days and then Lothal, right?” he asked.

“If that’s still what you want.”

“Yeah. Sabine says it’s changed a lot. I can’t even remember before the Empire came anymore.”

Hera smiled. “It’s a good place. Not perfect, but Azadi made it pretty welcoming even before the Emperor fell.”

“You guys were there a lot.”

“Second home, but it will be better with you back.”

“Yeah.” He shrugged, looking like his teenage self for the moment of the gesture. “Everything’s different, but it’s really good BEING back. I’m still trying to...fit in, I guess.”  

“Hey. You do fit in,” Hera told him, giving the chair a little kick to spin him towards her. “You’re one of ours. And Jace loves having you around. Chop and I are too busy to play with him as much as he’d like, and it’s been a while since we’ve had anyone else on the Ghost.”

“Yeah, Ezra Bridger, Jedi Knight, hero to six-year-olds everywhere.” He rolled his eyes.

Hera laughed. “At first that was the draw, sure. But he had a lot of...anxiety, too. He’d heard stories about you his whole life and he knew how important you were to all of us, and to have you standing before him in the flesh…” She shrugged. “But now I don’t think you’re Ezra Bridger, Jedi Knight. I think you’re his friend.”

“He’s really great, Hera. Thinks he can do anything. He...reminds me of you that way.”

She sighed. “He didn’t know you were a Jedi.”

“Okay.”

“He doesn’t know Kanan was a Jedi.”

A pause. “Okay.” Ezra didn’t push. Once he would have pushed.

“The hand game — those were forms,” Hera said. “Lightsaber forms. I’ve seen you practice them with Kanan.”

“Yeah, well…” Ezra ran his hand over the back of his hair awkwardly. “They’re kind of drilled into me, so I guess I just go there automatically when it comes to fighting. Is...that all right?”

“It’s all right,” she said, picking at the fraying edge of the seat cushion. “It’s good. There are so many things I’ve wanted to ask you about that.”

“About lightsaber forms?”  

She shook her head. “Ezra, I know this seems like a subject change, but...were you happy as a child? Or were you...confused?”

“What do you mean? I had kind of a rotten childhood.”

“Before that. When you were small, with your parents, and you could do things that nobody could explain. Did it confuse you or upset you?”

He considered her words carefully. “Let me think.” After a solid minute of silence, he said, “No. I heard things sometimes that I knew were true, and my mom said they were only my imagination. I think that’s not rare for kids, though. It’s just that in my case, they actually WERE true. The rest of the time, it was just fun to run and jump off of things without worrying about how I was going to land, or to know that people were probably going to believe whatever outrageous lie I told. Stuff like that. Hera… Jacen’s definitely Force sensitive. Does he use any of those abilities?”

“Oh…” she laughed to cover her worry. “Yes.” She’d watched for signs all of his life and could give a detailed list of ‘yes’es ‘no’s and ‘maybe’s. “He’s always been good at picking up moods, but I think he’s just a smart, social kid. Sometimes he knows things that haven’t happened yet, but only in a vague way — he has a feeling that someone’s coming to visit, or he knows we’ll find something around the next corner. He can climb and jump off of anything and he somehow hasn’t broken a bone yet. I don’t mean normal child risk-taking. You saw him take a dive off the Ghost the other day. And then there are the animals that seem to follow him around like he’s some kind of magnet.”

Ezra laughed.

“...which I blame you for,” she added.

“How is that my fault?”

“I haven’t figured that out yet, but the similarity is striking.”

“I’ll take it as a compliment.”

“I don’t want him to be a Jedi,” she said more seriously. “I don’t even want him to be a half-Jedi, partially trained. The Force asks...too much. We know how that ends and I won’t give him up that way. But… if I refuse to let him train when it’s available to him, he’s just going to do it anyway, and he’ll end up doing it behind my back, without my support. Or running off.” She thought of her own childhood. “It’s not my place to hold him back if that’s what he wants.”

“Well...does he WANT to be a Jedi?”

“He’s six years old. Every six-year-old wants to be a Jedi.”

“He’d be good at it. Kind. Flexible. Reminds me of someone else I knew.”

“Me too,” she admitted. “That scares me.”

“Hmm.” Ezra thought about that. “There’s not exactly a trade school for Jedi Knights. The few of us left with any ability have no idea what we’re doing. He’ll probably end up using those talents, but using them in some other field.”

“Maybe. But I don’t want to keep him locked away from the world — locked away from himself — because I’m afraid.”

“Hera, you’re not afraid of anything.”

She sighed and stopped picking at the worn corner of the pilot’s chair so he could see her hands shaking. “That’s not true, and I have changed.”

Ezra frowned. “You want me to train him?” he asked. “Is that what this conversation is about?”

“Not...yet. Not now. But I don’t want anybody else to train him.”

“Luke Skywalker is talking about starting a school.”

“NO. I like Luke. He’s a good kid. But he doesn’t understand the dangers… He hasn’t walked that path, and he doesn’t know what it takes to guide your student safely instead of just following the rules.”

“Hera, I don’t know either.”

“That’s okay. Falling is fine as long as there’s someone to catch you. You would never let anything bad happen to him.”

“Hmph.” Ezra crossed his arms and looked out at the clouds, that stone expression on his face. “I wish I could promise that.”

...

From Lira San they traveled to Lothal. Hera let Sabine show Ezra the sights because she had something else to show Jacen.

The bombed-out Imperial hangar wasn’t hard to reach, despite being perched on one of the dolmens at the edge of Capital City. If you took a shuttle, that is. Hera parked the Phantom halfway up the mountain and made them walk the rest of the way because “it will be fun!” Forty minutes into the uphill hike, Jacen wasn’t finding it particularly fun.

“Why couldn’t we just FLY up there?” he asked, perilously close to a whine.

“Because we’re taking a nice hike together and it’s going to be more enjoyable to see if you make it there yourself than if you just fly up and park.”

Poor kid — his hair was a sweaty wreck. “To be clear,” he said. “I AM getting a real birthday party tomorrow, with friends and cake and stuff, right?”

“Padawan’s honor. Sabine even made you guys those robes and staffs so you could dress up as High Jedi. Though I still don’t know what a High Jedi is.”

“It’s like a really wise, powerful Jedi,” Jacen explained. “Kind of like a wizard.”

She raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“It’s from Rangers of the Force.”

“I didn’t know you could read books that hard.”

“I listened to it.”

“Oh. Okay. Look, we made it.” Hera climbed the short flight of steps and crawled over the rubble blocking what had once been the workers’ entrance. Then she waited for Jacen to do the same.

“Whew!”

“It’s cooler up here.” Jacen spread himself dramatically on the floor.

“Yeah, we’re out of the sun.” She handed him the canteen and waited for him to take a long drink. “You recovered?” He nodded. “Good. Come see what Sabine did.”

He saw the mural as soon as he looked up, and his reaction was everything Hera had hoped for. A shout, and he rushed up to get a closer look. “It’s you guys!”

“Yeah.”

“You look like heroes! Like you’re from a holoshow.”

“Sabine makes good art.”

His brow creased in that thinking look. “Were you heroes?”

“Yes,” Hera admitted. “We were.”

“Sabine,” he pointed. “Ezra. His head looks small in this picture. Zeb and Chop. Hey, look at these lothcats! There’s you. Where am I?”

Hera touched her mid-section in the picture, right on the buttons of her flight suit. “Here.”

“So I came with you when you were heroes?”

“Sure.”

“So I helped save Lothal?”

“Let’s say you were along for the ride.”

But now he was pointing above mural-Hera’s shoulder. “That’s Dad.”

“Yeah,” she said softly.

“I don’t think I look very much like him.”

“Well, you’re shorter.”

“Hey!”

She grinned at him, but he shook his head and said, “Uh-uh. You’re sad.”

“Only a little sad.”

“You miss him.”

“Yes,” Hera said honestly, “but that’s not why I brought you here today. I need to show you something else, something… kind of secret.”

“Okay.”

Hera took a portable projector from her bag and placed it on the floor. “Come sit by me. Seven years old is big enough to see this.” They sat cross-legged on the ground and Hera switched on the projector.

“That’s Dad!”

“Yes.”

“What’s he got?”

Kanan was fitting together two metal tubes. He gave them a practiced twist, then ignited the lightsaber.

Jacen lost it. “WHAT?! Where did he GET that?”

“Hi, kid,” Kanan said to the recorder. “Thought I’d go through a few practice drills here, in case you ever need to see them when I’m not around.” He was talking to Ezra, but Jacen didn’t know that. Hera skipped past the part where he demonstrated the basic techniques and on to the segment where he showed the moves in practice by fighting ten combat remotes, leaping into the air, twisting, deflecting shots… He was using the Ghost’s hold as his staging area, which had irritated Hera to no end at the time because those remotes were firing live blaster bolts. The flip from the ground to the platform four meters above his head was awfully impressive, though, she had to admit.

“How did he DO that?”

Another of him and Ezra training together, both blindfolded, going through forms. Hera watched Kanan’s shoulder rotate as the blade spun, the twist of hips as he altered his stance. It was so familiar and so long ago, all at the same time.

“Mama, tell me.” He knew, but he didn’t want to say it.

“He’s a Jedi, Jace. He was raised in the temple on Coruscant and sent out to fight during the Clone Wars. One of the last Jedi Knights.”

“But...” he trailed off.

“I know it’s a lot to take in. Do you want to see a little more?”

“Yes!”

She’d edited this compilation carefully so they got no footage of actual battles. Next Kanan was tossing Sabine in the air over and over, a little Sabine — she couldn’t have been more than fifteen. He’d throw her impossibly high, and then she’d twist in mid-air, draw her blasters, and fire at a target. Jacen laughed. “Ah-ha, they’re good!” Another of that terrible competition he’d had with Zeb, where Zeb picked up Imperial speeder bikes and threw them at Kanan, who caught every one in mid-air. Okay, that probably wasn’t the best thing to include. One of Hera herself cradled in Kanan’s arms, the laughter near the microphone indicating that Ezra was recording.

“Ready?” Kanan asked.

“Go,” Ezra told him.

Kanan jumped up the Ghost’s ladder one rung at a time, tilted impossibly backwards, holding her. Hera from long ago shrieked in laughter. “I get five credits when I do this, right?” Kanan asked.

“Cheating,” said Ezra’s voice.

“I did TELL you I could do it.” Thunk, up another ring. Thunk, up the next. “See, what you want to do is bend your knees…” Kanan explained, annoyingly pedantic. “Then you absorb most of the shock, especially when you have to land rough.” He rolled at the last moment, still holding Hera, and came up on his feet on the upper platform, neither of them worse for the wear.

“Hey!” Hera-from-the-vid protested. “Warn me!”

“Okay,” Kanan said. “Roll up in a ball, I’m going to toss you to Ezra now so he can practice.”

“No, no, wait!” Ezra yelled. “Wait, let me put the recorder down!” The image went sideways and the recorder died abruptly on the sound of their laughter.

Jacen was watching with a wistful, half-jealous expression. “Nobody ever told me he was a Jedi.”

“Well…” Hera considered. “What DID they tell you?”

“Zeb says he could drink a whole gallon of milk in five minutes without throwing up.”

“Yeah, only part of that is true. And don’t try it.”

“Sabine said he loved you the very most, and he’d never let anything in the whole galaxy hurt you.”

She took a deep breath, willing herself to stay calm. “That is true.”

“And that he was a really good dad and he understood when people got upset or lost their temper and he wouldn’t yell at them.”

“That’s true too.”

“But he wasn’t really Sabine’s or Ezra’s dad, right?”

“No, but he...took care of them when they were kids. Big kids. And he taught them a lot of things.”

Jacen’s eyes lit with realization. “He taught Ezra how to be a Jedi! That’s why they were doing those slow moves with the lightsabers.”

Her kid was too smart.

But now he was mulling over something else. “...He was my dad.”

“Yes.”

“He never met me.”

“Technically, no, but he knew you were on the way.”

“How?”

“You know how you can tell where animals are, even the small ones? You found Alexsandr’s baby chicks when the rest of us were looking in the wrong place.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s the Force, Jacen. He felt you like that before you were born. I’ll bet you guys had whole secret conversations, what do you think?”

Jacen shrugged, clearly pleased by the idea. “So how come you never told me he was a Jedi? And you COULD have told me, lots of times.”

There was the question she’d been waiting for. “Because it wasn’t safe, Jace. The Emperor killed all the Jedi, even the little kids. Only a few of them got away, and then they had to survive by hiding because the Emperor was still hunting.”

“But he died when I was little.”

“Yes, but being a Jedi is still not exactly safe.”

“You mean people are still hunting them?”

“No, I mean they’re still...heroes. Which is good, but it also means that bad guys don’t like them much. You have to learn to keep yourself safe when you’re a hero, and that takes time. I wanted to wait until you were big enough to understand that a little.”

“So you’re saying I shouldn’t want to be a Jedi.”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying. If you want to learn to be a Jedi when you get older, I’ll be right there with you. But I want you to understand that there’s always more to these stories than what you hear. And I don’t want you to think that fighting makes you a good person. I didn’t love your dad because he was a Jedi. I loved him because he was kind and funny and understanding, and he couldn’t bear to see anybody in pain without trying to help. And because he never gave up on people. I see a lot of those qualities in you already. You don’t need a lightsaber to be a good person.” Oh, great, now she was sad again.

And Jacen had picked up on it. “Were you scared when he died?”

“So scared. But what do we say?”

“Be afraid,” he said quietly, “but do it anyway.”

“Right.”

A wolf howled nearby, in the middle of the day.

“That’s a lothwolf?” Jacen asked.

Hera nodded. “I think they’re coming to see you. I don’t know why, though.”

“I do.”

“You do? Why?”

“They say goodbyes are over. It’s time for hellos.”  

[roninreverie]

Jacen and Clank

Another short SWR fanifc based on my fanart and the idea that Jacen has an ID-10 Seeker Droid companion when he’s older. This is the story of how the two might have met.

Hera and Jacen were visiting Lothal to check in during Sabine’s absence. They weren’t really sure where she went, but they knew she was with Ahsoka and that both women were equally capable of taking care of themselves and eachother. They were going to find Ezra, and wherever that took them, it had finally cost them communication with the Ghost.

They came to Lothal a lot, mostly on short visits or on “Kanan’s Force Day” as Jacen called it. Every year, on the day that his father had become “one with the force” as his mother would tell him, Hera and Jacen visited Lothal and said their respects to the grand mural that Sabine had painted in one of the transmit towers on the outskirts of town. Jacen wasn’t really sure what to say to the painting of his father, so instead he would just tell him a little about what had been going on in his life and leave it at that. It was his mother who seemed to like talking to the picture the most.

Today was not that day, but instead, it was close to Jacen’s birthday, and before they lost contact, Sabine had mentioned to them that she had a present waiting for Jacen back at the Lothal tower. She couldn’t give it to him herself this year, but had prepared it before she’d left and told Jacen to go and find it when it got close to his next birthday. Therefore, his mother flew them over on her downtime from the New Republic Army.

After landing, and saying hello to the mural, Jacen found the present wrapped on top of a small table in the corner, the paper decorated with colorful images that were easily recognized as part of Sabine’s artwork.

“I found it!” Jacen exclaimed, grabbing the package as he ran back to show his mother.

“Well,” Hera said with a smile. “What did you get? Go ahead and open it.”

“It’s not my birthday yet…” Jacen said, his look questioning her as though her invitation was a somehow a trap.

“It’s okay to open it a little early,” she laughed. “Let her rip!”

He smiled, his eyes gleaming as he happily tore off the decorative paper and saw his gift.

He gasped in awe as he let the wrapping fall to the floor. In his hands was a small, saucer shaped shoulder plate with a Lothwolf design painted on it. The design was the same one as she had detailed into his vest a few years back and he was ecstatic about it.

“Wow! My own shoulder plate! Look Mom! Look!”

“That’s very nice!” Hera grinned. “Be sure to thank Sabine the next time you see her.”

“I will!” he said, still smiling. “Can I put it on?”

“Sure luv, come here.” Hera helped him put on the armor and Jacen strutted around proudly, an eight year old picture of pride. Hera patted him on the back and continued. “Now, Sabine hasn’t bent it into shape yet because she didn’t know how much you’d grown since the last time we saw her. I’m sure we can fit it to you later.”

“It’s so cool!” he said. “Can I go to town and show it to Arwynn and Parsee? Please!?”

Hera hummed in thought. Sure Lothal was a lot safer now, but Jacen was still only eight.

“Not alone,” she said. “I’ll drop you off closer and you can meet up with them while I check in with some old friends, deal?.”

“Okay.”

“Only for a short while, Jacen,” she warned. “We have to get back to base soon, you got that? No arguments this time!”

He nodded, barely hearing her because his attention was too focused on his shoulder. Hera rolled her eyes, and directed him back to the ship, his gaze never leaving the armor, not even when he stopped to show it to Chopper.

When in town, Hera allowed Jacen to sprint away to where his Lothal friends lived and played nearby.

“Jacen!” they each greeted. 

One was a short boy with dark skin and light hair, the other a green skinned Rodian. Both had grown taller than Jacen, but that was to be expected due to them both being a little older. He knew he’d catch up eventually, but that wasn’t important today.

“Check it out!” He showed off the plate.

“That’s pretty wizard!” one cheered.

“Wow! Real armor!” The other knocked on the piece to hear it defensively clank in return. “Did you feel that?”

“Nope!” Jacen replied with a swift shake of his head and a smug grin.

After a few minutes of admiring the present, the three young boys started talking about their time apart and everything that had been happening since Jacen’s last visit. Jacen had plenty of neat stories to tell thanks to all the travelling and fighting he did with his mom and Chopper on the Ghost. 

He was halfway through a daring tale of a thwarted spice cartel in the Outer Rim, when a sad whirring noise in the distance made them pause.

“What’s that sound?” Jacen asked.

“Probably the Thurrin brothers,” said Arwynn. “Their dad is a junker.”

“They’re always getting spare droids and old ship parts,” continued Parsee.

“You mean, they sneak them!” Arwynn growled. “Usually to torture or to torture us with.”

“It sounds like they got another new toy to mess with.”

Jacen was already up and walking towards the sound before the other two knew what was happening.

“Come on!” He motioned at them with his hands.

“Wait! Where are you going?”

“Don’t go Jacen!” Parsee hollered. “The Thurrin’s are all mean as Tuskens!”

“They’ll beat you up!” Arwynn hollored.

Jacen ignored their warnings with a wave of his hand and ventured towards the noise anyway. Timidly, the boys decided to follow a safe distance behind him, but by then Jacen was already a good block and a half ahead of them.

When Jacen found them, he saw the three older boys, all taller than any kid he knew, so that meant they were probably already 13 years old or more. Each kid was dirty and covered in black grease, their skin tough and yellow, and each of their hair was worn long and as dark as the oil marks on their clothes.

They were throwing a disk between them, catching it and tossing it again as they tumbled over one another and climbed over obstacles in the street. Most people cleared out of their way, a lot with looks of disdain or distrust, so Jacen thought they must be troublemakers like his friends had tried to tell him.

Jacen looked for the noise between the three of them and finally realized that it was coming from the black disk they tossed back and forth. He saw it clearly when one of the brothers held it for a long while while pointing for his brothers to run out further ahead. He tossed it again, and Jacen heard the unmistakable sound of its binary screaming through the air.

“An old seeker droid!” Jacen breathed to himself.

The thing was dented, the eye barely glowing, and all of its appendages were missing, but it was still struggling to remain active as its circuits spun around in a dizzy whirlwind.

“Hey!” Jacen called, rushing forward to face them.

The brothers stopped laughing and looked with upturned nose and sinister smiles down at Jacen. He didn’t even come up to the shoulders of the smallest Thurrin brother, and it was apparent that none of the boys saw Jacen even remotely close to a threat.

“What are you supposed to be?” one said.

“What’s up with your hair?” another said.

“Get lost big ears!” the last finally motioned, a thumb jabbed in the opposite direction.

Jacen frowned, but avoided the urge to touch his ears. His brows lowered again, and firmly, he pointed a finger at what was left of the Seeker droid and stomped his foot in the dirt.

“Stop messing with that droid! Can’t you see he doesn’t like it?”

They burst into laughter.

Meanwhile, Jacen’s friends had caught up and were parked, peeking around the corner where they were less likely to be seen by the older kids. They were too afraid to take even an inch closer, and Jacen knew he couldn’t ask them for any help. He was on his own.

The boys shooed Jacen away, mocking his words as they threw the seeker droid again, its sad binary voice begging for them to stop.

Jacen stepped closer and shouted, louder now. 

“Hey!”

Looking to one another, the medium sized boy stepped out and shoved Jacen hard, making him fall backwards into the dirt.

He sniffed once, but got back up and dusted himself off.

“What are you gonna do, huh? Tough guy?” He shoved him down again.

Jacen waited on the ground until the boy laughed and turned his back, then he kicked him hard in the back of the knee before jumping off the ground and using the boy’s back to launch himself at the smallest brother who held the droid.

“What in the hell?” the oldest said.

“Get this crazy kid off of me!”

“Get off, you little half-breed!” the tall brother yelled, grabbing at Jacen’s clothes until giving up his attempts at grappling and prepared his foot for a harsh shove in Jacen’s side.

Jacen braced himself for the kick and slid a little ways after being struck. Still, he was able to get up onto his feet before the boys surrounded him and had him cornered against the fence.

“You see this?” The medium one said. “This here is an Imperial droid!”

“Yeah, wise guy!” The small one yelled. “It’s a bad robot! It’s not like it doesn’t deserve it! Someone threw it out and now it’s ours!”

“And now it’s not so much a droid but a flying saucer!” The oldest waved the droid around, its beeping still dizzy and weak.

“That doesn’t matter!” Jacen yelled back. “That doesn’t make it right! Droids have feelings too!”

“If they’re programmed for it?” The small one scoffed, spitting into the dirt by Jacen’s feet.

“Get outta here, kid!” The oldest shooed. “Before we make dents in you like this thing.”

They walked off, and Jacen took only one step forward before stopping. What could he do? He was smaller and weaker than these older kids, and they had him severely outnumbered. His side still hurt from where the biggest Thurrin had kicked him, but he didn’t feel a single hit directed at his shoulder thanks to Sabine’s gift. 

He touched it and froze.

“W-wait!” He called, his voice shaky as he took three large steps towards them.

They rolled their eyes, but turned only to see Jacen taking the shoulder piece off his arm. He held it out to them and swallowed, his brows curved and eyes wet, though no tears came out as he blinked the droplets away and his voice grew firm and demanding once more.

“Here!” He held it out. “Trade me! That old droid for this! It’s brand new, I promise!”

They gave one another a look, and the small brother stepped closer and looked it over.

“It’s plastoid!” He exclaimed. “Must be made out of some old Stormtrooper stuff.”

“Is it cool?” The middle one asked.

“Kinda?” The small one replied.

“You can throw this instead of the droid. See?” Jacen tossed the shoulder piece all the way over the the tallest boy who caught it in his free hand, almost struck off guard. 

Jacen knew it would be easy for the boys to just take both items and walk away, but he really wanted that droid and hoped that they wouldn’t be so mean as to keep both. He wanted that seeker droid so badly that he felt as though his desires would make the other boys want to give it to him. He wondered if that was how the Jedi mind tricks were supposed to work. He sure wished he knew how to do that right about now.

“Well?” Jacen crossed his arms. “You want to trade with me, or not?”

The oldest chuckled, but threw the junker droid into Jacen’s hands. “Sure kid!” he chortled. “Crummy thing is gonna die any minute anyway? Have fun with it.”

Jacen turned the droid towards him so the flickering red eye could look into Jacen’s own.

“Thanks!” 

He smiled at them, though he didn’t really feel all that grateful. Still, they didn’t take both things away, so Jacen was at least relieved that his bargaining had gone the way he wanted.

The older kids only laughed and walked away, admiring their new flying disk as they continued their game and disappeared around the corner.

“Sorry about them,” Jacen said to the droid. “Don’t worry, I’ll fix you up, good as new!”

“Wow Jacen!” Parsee rushed over and shook Jacen like his friend was in shock and needed help coming back to reality.

“They didn’t beat you up!” Arwynn gasped. “How did you do that, Jacen!?”

“Did you see him!? The way he kicked Fier down and then jumped out at Ribel!”

“Then you took a direct kick from Levin!”

“Are you okay?” Parsee asked.

“Yeah,” Jacen said, ignoring their storm of comments for the most part as he rubbed the dust off of the old droid’s holo-projector.

“What’s so special about that pile of junk anyway, Jacen?”  

“It doesn’t even have all it’s parts?” Arwynn added. “Why’d you give away your birthday present for that old thing?”

“Because he asked,” Jacen replied simply.

“Your mom is gonna kill you!”

“I know…” Jacen only bowed his head.

“Miss Wren is probably gonna kill you too.”

Jacen sunk deeper, his forehead touching the droid now.

“I know…” He said again.

The boys both placed sympathetic hands on his shoulders and patted.

“It was nice knowing you Jace…”

On his way back to the Ghost, he saw his mother waiting for him as she waved from the platform.

He frowned and tensed his shoulders, but meekly waved back, the droid held firm in his arm. He took what was perhaps his last steps as a free man towards the ship and prepared a story to tell his mother about the loss of his birthday present from Sabine. Nothing came to mind, so he just kept on walking and got ready for her to yell.

“What’s wrong luv?” Hera asked. “Wait… why are you so dirty? Did you get into another fight?!” She dusted him off and stopped when her gloved hands fell on his shoulders. 

He looked to the sky and started saying his goodbyes in his head. He found solace in the thought that maybe Sabine would paint him on their mural after Hera got done killing him?

“Where’s your shoulder piece? Jacen, look at me!” She tilted his chin at her and her eyes were two fiery pits of pure green anger. “Did someone steal from you? Do you know who it was? Did you see them?” She repeatedly touched his face, checking him over for scrapes as she continued threatening whoever had done this to her baby. “When I catch the lowly gutkur, they’re going to wish they—”

“Mom!” Jacen finally stopped her when her voice started sounding more like Aya Cham’s accent, something he knew was done only undercover or when she was extremely angry. Her lekku were pointed at her back, so Jacen could tell it was the latter.

“What happened baby?” She asked, calmer now as he lekku relaxed and her voice returned to it’s more gentle tone.

“I—” he tried to say something, but ended up just telling her the truth. “I traded it.”

“Jacen Caleb Syndulla!” Hera scoffed. “Sabine made that armor especially for you! Why would you do such a thing? I thought you liked it?”

“I did,” Jacen sniffed once, but wiped away his tears before he could cry. “But these guys were picking on this droid!” He cried anyway. “And I traded them my shoulder plate so I could fix it!”

Hera looked down at the black saucer in her son’s hands, noticing it for the first time.

“Jacen, that’s an Imperial Seeker droid!” Hera exclaimed, more shocked than angry. “Those are dangerous!”

“I thought I could fix it…” He sniffed. “It was asking for help.”

Hera sighed and shook her head until her own hand caught her face. This boy was her child alright.

“Okay…” she said. “Alright, alright… Get it inside and we’ll see what we can do for it.”

“Really!?” Jacen perked up.

“Yeah,” she sighed. “Go ask Chopper if we have any spare parts in the back that are compatible to this model.”

“WUH!? BUH! BER! BUH! WAH!” Chopper grumbled, his binary cursing hastily upon seeing the broken junk heap.

“We’re going to fix him Chopper!” Jacen said. “Like Mom did with you.”

“Just be glad it wasn’t a Lothcat, Chop…” Hera sighed. “Come on, let’s help Jacen fix the old clanker up.”

“Hear that, Clank?” Jacen said to the eye port. “Mom is going to help me make you better!”

Chopper buzzed.

“And so is Chopper!” Jacen corrected. “He’s really nice, I think you’ll like him.”

“Jacen,” Hera eased. “Try not to get too attached until we know how much damage the little guy has. We might not have a lot of spare parts onboard to fix him.”

“I know we will!” Jacen said. “I can get more parts back at the base too, right Mom?”

“I—suppose?” Hera finally shrugged.

“Don’t worry Clank! You’re safe now!” Jacen smiled. 

The droid almost sounded like it was sighing with relief, before shutting down so Jacen could work on it.

“I’m gonna take good care of you, I promise!”

And it was a promise that Jacen knew he was going to keep no matter what.

[thephantomcasebook]

My Fanfic pitch to the Reylo Community in dialogue

(Resistance Reunion 15 years since TFA)

Everyone: (Laughing at Finn and Rey's first meeting retelling)

Poe: (Sighs Contently looks around) I've missed you guys.

Everyone: (Nods)

Poe: (To Finn and Rose) I still find it hard to believe you guys still roam around on the Falcon, I thought you'd settle down by now.

Finn: Sad to say but nothings really changed since you guys left.

Poe: (Nodding)

Connix: Jacen surprised me ... He's so grown, and handsome.

Rey: (Noticeably looks off in the distance sadly.)

Connix: I guess I still thought he'd be that little curly haired toddler running around the base ...

Poe: *fondly* BB-8 Chasing after the little wild man ... getting rides on R2's back ...

Connix: (To Finn and Rose) Just didn't expect to find him here, with you guys.

Rey: (shifts sadly)

Poe: And you've had little Jacen with you all these years?

Finn: (Tries not to look at Rey as he nods)

Rose: *Bitterly* Well, after the General died, people weren't exactly lining up to adopt the son of the Supreme Leader of the First Order ... no matter how cute or good he was ... isn't that right, Rey?

Rey: (Ignore's the hostility and just nods distantly.)

Finn: (Refusing to look at Rey) It was the right thing to do.

Everyone: (A long pause)

Rose: Seemed fitting, to keep him in the family, since, of course ... one of you girls here is most likely his mamma.

Poe and Connix: (Take a sip of mugs to avoid speaking on the biggest secret in the galaxy.)

Finn: (Finally turns to Rey)

Rey: (Lip quivers and eyes tear up before she stands up softly)

Everyone: (Watches heart broken Rey as she glides out of the room without a word.)

[gondalsqueen]

Chapters: 17/18 Fandom: Star Wars: Rebels Rating: Explicit Warnings: Major Character Death Relationships: Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla, Ketsu Onyo/Sabine Wren, Alexsandr Kallus/Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios Characters: Hera Syndulla, C1-10P | Chopper, Original Characters, Kanan Jarrus, Ezra Bridger, Sabine Wren, Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios, Alexsandr Kallus, CT-7567 | Rex, Mart Mattin, Wedge Antilles, Ketsu Onyo, Jacen Syndulla, Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa, Ackbar (Star Wars), Lando Calrissian, Jan Dodonna, Ahsoka Tano Additional Tags: Pregnancy, vague mentions of abortion, future character death in the background, Season/Series 04, Established Relationship, Oral Sex, Chair Sex, Table Sex, sex during pregnancy, chapter 2 has lots of sex, Secrets, the best pilot in the galaxy, flying combat, character injury, canon torture, flight of the defender, rebel assault, Jedi Night, Major character death - Freeform, Grief, Morning Sickness, Counseling, Masturbation, Dreams, Traditions, Space family, Inappropriate bets, Lothal, Shopping, down time, Space Combat, Battle of Scarif, Rogue One - Freeform, hammerhead corvette!, Yavin 4, Stardust - Freeform, Alderaan, Death Star, labor, Childbirth, domestic life, Lothwolves, Dogfight - Freeform, Hoth, did i mention babies yet?, Babies!, One baby, Work/Life Balance, Advice, Bounty Hunters, Capture, this story has it all apparently, Return of the Jedi, Second Death Star, Existential Anxiety, parenting, Breakups, wine and cheesecake, wine and cheesecake needs its own tag, battle of endor, Battle for Coruscant, forces of destiny: an imperial feast, The New Republic - Freeform, Quests, letting go, Travel

...

Within a year, Hera and Jacen hopped back into military life. She had plenty of vacation time, so they could take off and see the galaxy whenever they liked, and having a stable place and a community was important for Jacen. Hera had had that growing up.

So she was on Coruscant, helping out with combat training, when the other shoe finally dropped. Except that it was her day off and she wasn’t training pilots, she was trying to replace a particularly disgusting air filter on outside of the Ghost while Jace ran around recklessly on top of the ship, probably learning all sorts of enriching things.

“Hey, Mama. Mo-om!”

She stared at the bolt. It was stripped smooth; that’s why she’d skipped this filter last time.

“Mom. Mom.”

“What, love?”

“I’m bored.”

“Find something to do.”

“There IS nothing to do.”

“Well, come down here then and help me.”

He considered. “Are you wiring stuff?”

“No.”

“Are you taking stuff apart?”

“Sort of. I’m replacing this disgusting air filter.”

“Ew. No thanks.” He flopped down on the ship just above her head; Hera heard the thunk. Hmm… She tried to tighten the wrench on the bolt as far as it would go and then use her body weight to push the handle down. It slipped, she scraped her knuckles, she cursed.

“Hey, Mom.”

“Hey, what?”

The naughty pause indicated that nothing good was coming “Bloodflowers are pink, your feet really stink.” He burst into giggles.

“Hmm. Did you learn that at school?”

“No, Poe told me to say it to you.”

“Why am I not surprised? Well, jacinder are blue, your feet stink too.” Maybe she could just CLEAN the filter and keep using it. ...No.

“Sunblossoms are yellow, your feet really smell-o,” he fired back almost immediately. Oh, good one, kid.

“N’Omis are purple, you’re about to get in trouble,” she told him.

“Purple and trouble don’t rhyme.”

“They do in Ryl.”

“That joke is still not funny, Mom.”

Hera grinned to herself. “Jace, you have any ideas for loosening a stripped bolt?”

“Maybe hold the wrench on with bubble gum?”

“I don’t think that’s going to work.”

“Nope, then. Let me think about it.” He ran off towards the middle of the ship. “HEY there’s really cool bugs here!”

“What kind?”

“Beetles. Blue and shiny. Huh.” Then he went silent, playing with the insects.

Hera picked up a vibrotorque and just fused the darn thing to the bolt. She could unfuse it later, but somehow this stupid air filter had to come off.

She was absorbed in her work and used to people walking back and forth across the main hangar, so she didn’t even register the footsteps until they were almost upon her. Then they stopped, and the absence of sound was unsettling. Hera looked up as their visitor cleared his throat.

She saw him with the sunlight behind him, outlining his shoulder, and the thought went through her like a shock: I know him. I know him like I know myself.

He wasn’t quite the same, though. A little broader. His hair had grown long again and his beard was bushy, and she thought, terrified: Maybe I’m seeing things. Maybe it’s not him.

Then he spoke: “Hera, you haven’t changed a bit,” and she knew for sure.

The vibrotorque hit the ground and she threw herself at him with a little moan, and he was taller than her — taller than her; she had to stand on tiptoe to put her arms around his neck and hug him. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed too.

“What are you doing here?” Hera asked, wiping a hand over her face. She touched the lightsaber at his belt before he could answer. “You got it back.”

“Yeah, uhm...I think I’m supposed to be a...present? Or something?” He unhooked his lightsaber from his belt and ignited it experimentally for her to see. “Good as ever.”

“Wow, cool!” Oh, no. Footsteps thumping on top of the Ghost, coming their way. Jacen launched himself at them before she had time to yell a warning.

In an instant the lightsaber blade was gone, Jacen caught safely in his arms, and Hera yelling, scared witless, “How many times have I told you NOT to jump from the top of the ship?! It’s not safe!”

“It’s safe for me,” Jacen said blithely. “I never get hurt.”

“Well, this time you almost skewered yourself on a lightsaber blade!”

Jacen peered at his savior, blue eyes into blue eyes. “I’ve seen you in pictures,” he declared.

“Jacen Syndulla, meet Ezra Bridger,” Hera said. “Ezra, Jacen.”

Ezra had acted fast to catch the kid, but then he just stood bewildered, looking between Jacen and her. “Syndulla?” he asked, trying to do the mental math and failing. “Hera — did you…?”

“They didn’t tell you,” she said. Of course they didn’t. Sabine would think it was a great joke, them surprising each other like this.

Ezra shrugged.

“He’s my son.” Now understanding began to dawn on his face. “And Kanan’s.”

“He’s…” A long breath. “How — ?”

Hera inclined an eyebrow at him. The usual way, that look meant.

“I mean, I know HOW, but… Oh, good Force.” Ezra sat Jacen on his feet. “Hey, kid, let me take a look at you.”

Jacen stood dutifully and preempted the questions that he knew would come. “Yes, I’m really Twi’leki. I’m half-Twi’leki. No, I don’t have lekku. Yes, she’s really my mom. No, I’m not adopted.”

“You look just like your father.”

He grinned. “Yes, I look just like my father. Except Sabine says prettier because I look like my mom too.”

Ezra laughed. “She’s right.”

“Did Sabine come back with you?” Jacen asked the question that Hera couldn’t bring herself to voice.

“Yeah, she’s here. But she sent me on first and said I was...a present?”

“For me,” Jacen explained. “Yeah, you’re a pretty great present.”

“Ahsoka?” Hera asked softly.

He shook his head.

She swallowed down...what was that feeling? Sadness, yes, but mostly guilt. Don’t you dare come back here without them, she’d told Ahsoka. “Ezra,” she asked, hardly daring to hope. “Are you going to...stay?

“Well…” he considered. “I came to see you first, so I have to do some debriefing with Reb — ” he corrected himself, “ — with New Republic command. Things might not be as smooth flying as we think.” He frowned with the memory of something dark, but they would tackle that later. “But,” his eyes met hers again, “other than that I’m at loose ends. I just want to hang with you guys for a while, figure out where I fit in again.”

Hera nodded. Ezra and Sabine both back. The ship would be crowded again.

“Are you crying?” Ezra asked.

“No. I’ll arrange to use some vacation time and comm Lira San. We’ll go see Zeb.”

“Guess I’d better get on this briefing, then.”

“Wait — ” she caught his wrist. He’d just gotten here and she was loathe to let him go so quickly. Plus, there were six years of his life she knew nothing about, almost seven, and some important questions needed to be asked. Did you have a life out there? Did you want to come back, or was it a duty? Did you know where you were? Were you kept from us? “It’s been a long time,” she settled. “Are you — okay?”

“I am now.” He took her hand and squeezed it in both of his. “Don’t worry, Hera. I’ll be back in a few hours. I mean it this time.”

They get away from you so quickly, even when you’re holding their hands.

She nodded and let go.  

“Mom?” Jacen’s voice was surprisingly subdued.

“Yes, love?”

“Are you okay?”

It was meant to be a laugh, but it came out mixed with tears. “Yeah, baby, I really am.” She looked out at the sky and thought, Thank you, Ahsoka, thank you. If I could wish for anything in the world, this would be it.

...

They parked the Ghost in Zeb and Alexsandr’s front yard and surprised them with Ezra. Hera thought Zeb was going to pass out for a minute, and then she thought Ezra was going to pass out from being squeezed too hard.

“Where in all the hells were you?!”

“Uhm...away? Later, okay?”

The first night on Lira San, they all ran Jacen ragged. Hera put him to bed a half-hour late and mostly asleep before his head hit the pillow. Then she crept back into the common area and shut the door. Zeb pounded his mug on the table and declared, “Caf, dejarik, and partying all night! Er, quiet partying so we don’t wake up the kid.”

Hera laughed and passed more mugs around. “Fire up the board, Chop.”

They played two games of dejarik and then ended up just talking, which was kind of the plan to begin with. At first it was remember-when:

“Remember when Chopper knocked Ezra off the top of the Ghost while we were ten kilometers up?”

“Remember that time Sabine attached a smoke grenade to a little mouse droid and then drove it into your dad’s team?”

“No,” Hera said. “I missed that.”

“It looked so funny,” Zeb chuckled. “Just — zhhhhoom, right at them.”

“You know,” Alexsandr put in, “to read the reports on paper, you looked like idiots who kept getting away only because every single soldier on Lothal was incompetent.”

“Yeah, that was true,” Zeb told him.

They brought up things they’d left unspoken before.

“Alexsandr, he never TOLD us that you guys were trapped under the ice together.”

“Well, not never,” Zeb protested.

“‘Oh, by the way, ISB Agent Kallus decided he’s going to be on our team now and smuggle information to us,’ is not EXACTLY breaking it smoothly,” Ezra pointed out.

“I remember you were weird when we picked you up from that planet, Zeb!” Sabine added.

“How could you tell the difference?” Ezra was jumping back into their old routines nicely.

“Hey! I’m never weird!”

Chopper defended Zeb for once — “ugly” and “weird” were two different things.

Hera just laughed at them.

“Okay,” Ezra said at around 0100. “This has been fantastic, but I want to know about all the stuff I missed.”

“Hera blew up the Death Star!” Sabine shouted.

“Shh! I did not.”

“Did too. Second Death Star.”

Chopper protested that HE had blown up the second Death Star.

“You did not!” Hera told him.

Ezra looked bewildered. “What’s a Death Star?”

They all stared at him.

“Seriously?” Zeb asked.

“Come on, guys, what’s a Death Star?”

“He’s been gone for a while,” Sabine shrugged.

“Do you even know the ending of Clone Wars 2?”

“What’s Clone Wars?”

Zeb chuckled evilly. “We’ve got the only unspoiled virgin in the galaxy here.”

“Hey! I am not — !” Ezra threw up his hands in exasperation.

It was good times. Old times.

“We can catch you up on a lot of it,” Zeb told Ezra, taking mercy. “Sabine took lots of holos.”

“And painted lots of pictures,” Hera added. “Oh, I think I have those here! You gave them to me for safekeeping, and I put them…” she considered. The top shelf on her closet, she was fairly certain.

“Did you look at the paintings?” Sabine asked.

“No, I didn’t want to invade your privacy, and I didn’t know which ones you wanted me to see.”

“Hera, you didn’t even open the package? Those were for you, especially the canvases!”

“Well, you didn’t tell me that! Wait a minute, I’ll go get them.”

She moved a bunch of stuff aside in her bunk and they were right where she’d expected, left-hand corner of the closet shelf, tied in a plain cloth. Sabine did most of her work on walls, and the portable versions — holos of the originals — fit on a few tiny datachips. Some of this was more traditional canvas work, though. Hera took it all back to the common area and handed the data chips to Sabine. “Which ones first?”

“Uhm...This one’s from right after Ezra left. Let’s start there.” Sabine handed the chip to Chopper and he put it in the dataport on the table. There they all were, looking...shocky and thin, actually. Mostly holos of her or Zeb or Chopper working, their expressions studious and absorbed as they bent over the glow of a datapad. Sabine clicked through a whole series of Hera and Chopper fixing the Ghost, literally seventy-five holos of the same thing, as if she were afraid she wouldn’t get another chance to record it. They were busy, and animated by that work, but never happy. Ezra frowned and asked no questions.

Sabine thumbed through an entire collection of Lothali murals: “Let’s just get to the people.” And then the “people” were...mostly Hera, six months pregnant, shot after shot captured at exactly the right moment to look like a portrait — half-turning to answer some question, or looking down at a cloth in her hands in the early morning light, or palm on her stomach with an expression as if she were listening to something only she could hear.

Ezra’s face took on that stone look it got when he was trying not to cry. Then he rallied and said, “I’ve missed a lot.”

“Yeah, kid, we keep telling you that.”

“These are...art,” Hera said, wondering.

“No, they’re just holos. The art is on the canvas over there. Open them up.”

So she untied the bundle, but the first painting wasn’t any of them. It was Kanan — a portrait from the waist up, the full beard and scarring across his eyes that they remembered from those last two years. Hera couldn’t see the crooked nose because he was facing the viewer, holding a green-haired baby on his shoulder who was clearly sacked out and comfortably sleeping. Kanan looked down at him, kissing the top of his head.

Nobody said anything for a long moment.

“I painted it right after Jace was born.” Sabine sounded nervous now. “But you were really exhausted, and that didn’t seem like a good time to give it to you. Then I forgot about it until I was cleaning out all my stuff before leaving with Ahsoka.”

They were all looking at Hera, and there was nowhere to hide her reaction.

“I’m… I’m sorry if it — ”

“Sabine, thank you,” Hera cut her off. She tried to keep her voice even and utterly failed. “I love it.” Then she dropped her head to the table and sobbed.

Zeb picked her up bodily and just plunked her onto his lap, and then they were all fighting teary eyes. She’d cried for Kanan — really, for herself and her own loneliness — hundreds of times over the years, but it hadn’t happened in a while. This time, it finally didn’t hurt.

She pulled herself together and they talked about Kanan until dawn.

[dixieulquiorra]

My Fanfic pitch to the Reylo Community in dialogue

(Resistance Reunion 15 years since TFA)

Everyone: (Laughing at Finn and Rey's first meeting retelling)

Poe: (Sighs Contently looks around) I've missed you guys.

Everyone: (Nods)

Poe: (To Finn and Rose) I still find it hard to believe you guys still roam around on the Falcon, I thought you'd settle down by now.

Finn: Sad to say but nothings really changed since you guys left.

Poe: (Nodding)

Connix: Jacen surprised me ... He's so grown, and handsome.

Rey: (Noticeably looks off in the distance sadly.)

Connix: I guess I still thought he'd be that little curly haired toddler running around the base ...

Poe: *fondly* BB-8 Chasing after the little wild man ... getting rides on R2's back ...

Connix: (To Finn and Rose) Just didn't expect to find him here, with you guys.

Rey: (shifts sadly)

Poe: And you've had little Jacen with you all these years?

Finn: (Tries not to look at Rey as he nods)

Rose: *Bitterly* Well, after the General died, people weren't exactly lining up to adopt the son of the Supreme Leader of the First Order ... no matter how cute or good he was ... isn't that right, Rey?

Rey: (Ignore's the hostility and just nods distantly.)

Finn: (Refusing to look at Rey) It was the right thing to do.

Everyone: (A long pause)

Rose: Seemed fitting, to keep him in the family, since, of course ... one of you girls here is most likely his mamma.

Poe and Connix: (Take a sip of mugs to avoid speaking on the biggest secret in the galaxy.)

Finn: (Finally turns to Rey)

Rey: (Lip quivers and eyes tear up before she stands up softly)

Everyone: (Watches heart broken Rey as she glides out of the room without a word.)