#and he tends to be a bit of a doormat and a pushover

[zeninsama]

silas hear me out. rin is also very aki coded. my apolocheese v_v

sora ily but please. i can't take it. sincerely.

[franciskirkland-deleted]

Walesmano Headcanons 🇮🇹🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 for the bestie @senditothemoonn 💞

I'm so sorry this took so long!! I was nearly finished but tumblr reloaded somehow and it disappeared 😭😭 I can't remember all of the original post and I'm so sad but I tried to remember the best I could so here goes.

I think Dylan brings out a side of Lovino that most people don't have the privilege of seeing.

Their communication styles are very different. Argumentative Mediterranean vs. Conflict Avoidant Anglo. It takes a while for them to adjust, it's a valuable learning experience.

Lovi takes care not to be as loud around Dylan as he would be with others. He forces himself to be gentle and patient with - he's afraid of scaring him. But Dylan doesn't make him angry anyway. In fact if anyone can calm him down and temper his attitude it's his Biondino 🥺🥺 (little blondie)

In turn Lovino also empowers Dylan to be more confident and self assured, he won't let him be a doormat or a pushover anymore. Lovino is bold and protective. Dylan is calm and reassuring.

They both know what it's like to have obnoxious, overbearing, dysfunctional families so they make a point to cultivate peace for each other and intentionally practice healthy communication even tho it can start sounding like therapy speak.

They're very sweet and affectionate with each other. Initially they're not big on PDA, eventually they stop caring and act shamelessly mushy for the whole world to see.

Lovino loves to make Dylan laugh and blush. Dylan is never more satisfied than he is when he gets Lovi to display genuine, positive emotion.

Dylan spoils Lovino with baked goods, and Lovi keeps him well fed with that rich Italian home cooking and expensive dinners, so they both gain weight after getting together. On that note, I think they're about the same height but different body types. Dylan is softer and pudgier while Lovino is leaner and a bit stronger. Lovino likes wearing Dylan's thick wool sweaters, and Dylan finds comfort in the scent of his cologne.

They're both superstitious and bond over sharing folklore and fairytales from their respective cultures. Dylan isn't on board with the whole Catholicism thing but he tolerates it. Lovino claims Druidism is witchcraft.

Dylan loves cold weather. Lovino can't stand it. He forces him to get out beneath the Italian sun but he burns so bad. Winters in Wales are mostly spent inside snuggling by the fireplace.

Their living habits are pretty different. They have different tastes in aesthetics and food and music and films. Dylan enjoys reading and drinking tea. Lovino likes to watch football and sip on wine or liquor. Lovi is into formalities and putting on the ritz, Dylan is a goblincore homebody. They might not have much in common as far as hobbies, but they respect each other's quiet time and personal space. On the other hand they can also be pretty clingy... codependent in a cute way.

Their love languages are compatible. Their actual languages are not. Lovino would have a wild time trying to speak Welsh, and Dylan can hardly keep track of all the different South Italian dialects. Lovi does layer on the pet names though, Italians are so sappy when it comes to that, anything can be a term of endearment in the diminutive form.

Dylan is much more into being crafty and thrifty, whereas Lovino would happily spend good money on nice things. Homemade gifts and meaningful experiences vs expensive trinkets and lavish vacations. They're equally appreciated and they love making one another feel spoiled.

Dylan likes exploring locally, he's a bit outdoorsy. Lovino likes to travel, particularly in style, so they do a lot of that together. They both have a green thumb and maintain a beautiful garden together. Lovino grows the herbs and vegetables while Dylan tends to the flowers. They're regulars at the farmer's market and the cheese shop.

They both know they want kids in an idealistic sense, but are conflicted on the ethics of it. When they do finally decide to start a family, it becomes apparent that Lovino doesn't know how to wear a condom or simply won't. I can see them having a BIG family. Like overwhelming big.

Dylan is better with the kids but Lovino is the kind of Dad who guides his family. Not in an overly domineering way, but he makes sure they know they'll always be taken care of.

I really hope you liked these!! I don't know much about Wales as a character but I tried 💗💗💗

[angeygirl]

Hmm. Okay, I’ve got one for you to rate.

William cannot articulate want he actually wants sometimes because he’s afraid of starting up conflict. For example: As Scraptrap, he knows Pizza Sim is a trap, but doesn’t have the heart to tell Baby because he doesn’t want to crush her newfound aspirations.

I could probably add a bit more, but that’s the gist.

Hmm. Interesting take

I see usually see Afton as secretly very unhinged and barely keeping it together, but considering how he tends to be in your fics (kind of pathetic [/affectionate]) , I can understand it. And if we're going with a pushover variant, it makes sense. There was that thing we were talking about that one time about William's "friendliness" actually being "doormat-ness", so yeah, if that was the case I could see it.

But I'm not so sure about Scraptrap. Springtrap reads 'inhuman megalomaniac' to me but I also get that's not how you write him. I personally like to think Spring abandoned all of his humanity after 'dying' in the suit so he wouldn't keep any of his past weaknesses... like 'feelings', but your take on Spring/Scrap is still pretty human.

So I guess this works in the right context, that's the fun of headcanons

[paperboy-pb]

How do the teachers look like in Paperboy and what are their names and personalities?

GOD, I wish I had more recent art of them to show off! Most of the art I have for them is actually quite outdated, so not everyone is going to be shown off yet-- soon, though! >:)

Paperboy is a cartoon world at the end of the day, & our main character is a kid, so of course, most of the teachers are villains. They almost all kind of have joke names (some more obvious than others) & they're basically all like... a parody or exaggeration of people I often saw working in Special Ed as a kid.

But despite that, the harm that they do to our main characters is actually serious, and the baddies all sort of embody very different brands of ableism.

☆ PAPERBOY TEACHERS 101! ☆

[MARIA HIVELY]: The cynical, burnt-out, & chronically overworked main teacher for Class 7-C! 🐝

Mrs. Hively is extremely critical, yells very often, takes her stress out on the kids, and plays favorites. She sees her students as drones or worker bees & believes that somebody's worth is only about how productive and "useful" they are in society and not who they are as people.

[BUTCH HEARTMANN]: The jerkish, ignorant, and arrogant Guidance Counselor for grades 7 & 8! 💥🤬

Mr. Heartmann acts cool at first, but he's easily annoyed, loud, degrading, sleazy, & has some SERIOUS anger issues. He doesn't believe in mental health at all. Especially not kids' mental health.

[JOANNE YARNLY]: P.S. 361's wise & kind-hearted occupational therapist! 🧶🍵

Ms. JoAnne (as kids call her) is a mother, and it shows. She's a bit of a Ms. Honey type as she is soft-spoken, open-minded, & realizes the abuse that goes on. She isn't normally bold enough to stand up to her coworkers... but she's very aware, & will ALWAYS try to protect her students as much as possible.

[JUNIPER RAINBOHZ]: An out-of-touch Adapted Phys Ed teacher for multiple schools, including P.S. 361. 🌈🔆

Mrs. Rainbohz is... happy? She tends to act like the world is all sunshine and rainbows, & believes disabled kids are "too simple" to handle reality. She often talks to them like babies, is oblivious to their problems, and never explains anything.

[COSETTE POSHIVERE]: P.S. 361's nervous wreck of a principal! 😵‍💫🐀

Principal Poshivere (or as the kids call her, Principal Pushover) is a doormat. She's means well! But she's easily overwhelmed, afraid of confrontation, and isn't strong-willed enough to properly discipline kids... or the rest of the staff.

And finally, the worst of the worst...

[ANGELICA CANEPA]: One of P.S. 361's paraproffesionals. She's seen as an angel or a saint by many who don't know what it takes to teach Special Ed. Currently working in Special Ed class 8-C. 😇🤐

Ms. Canepa is a NIGHTMARE, & a big part of why Matthew wants to leave Special Ed quickly. If he doesn't, he will have Canepa next year. She's overbearing, invasive, and will stop at nothing to change... no, "FIX" her disabled students. Nothing at all.

And when you get to the root of the matter... she's selfish. She makes a big song & dance about how many kids she helps, parades them around, going on & on about how she's doing suuuuch a good deed by just being in the career she's in. And the community eats it all up. The parents, teachers... everyone.

But she doesn't really want to help. Better yet, she's NOT helping! She condescends the kids. She doesn't accept their differences. She doesn't respect boundaries, she's not patient, she's not kind, and she's not there for them. She won't even embrace them until they surpress ALL of their disability.

She's not a para out of the goodness of her heart. She's a para because she revels in the praise. Because after all, nobody ever thinks about how disabled kids feel, or what they need.

They all just think about how great you must be to put yourself near disabled people willingly.

Now, of course, that's not everyone. And there's way more to each of their characters & how they impact the kids than that. There are some minor teachers as well-- the art teacher, the physical therapist, the lunch monitor, etc.

But that's the basics, and I don't want to overload you with more info than I have to.

Stay tuned if you'd like to see what they look like, though! Because I WILL be showing them all off sometime this month :]

[weresprout]

Using this as an opportunity to yap about my HCs hehe:

Cartoon!Finn and Toon!Finn are completely different. One is animated with a distinct, linear personality, while the other is a living, sentient dude.

Cartoon!Finn and Cartoon!Glisten "hate" each other. Hate is only placed in quotes because due to the message the show pushes (blah blah, friendship, etc.) they're still friends, they just bicker often and rarely get along.

Toon!Finn and Toon!Glisten are pretty much the exact opposite of this. They are very much in love and they find the cartoon to be incredibly funny because of that. The handlers have literally zero idea that they don't hate each other, because they're SUPPOSED to.

The cartoon functions as the "ideal" form of the toons. Their personality in the cartoons is how they're meant to act in-person, at least when meeting/interacting with children. Finn and Glisten are meant to hate each other, but they simply don't - maybe out of spite, maybe for some other reason. Who knows.

You can have cases where cartoon and reality line up quite well, such as Rodger. Cartoon!Rodger and Toon!Rodger are very similar when it comes to personality - a bit less so with appearance, but that's a given.

Cartoon!Finn and Toon!Finn are very similar on a surface level: both are easygoing, optimistic dudes that enjoy marine life and cracking dumb sea-themed jokes. Howeverrr, due to being a cartoon, Cartoon!Finn lacks a lot of the deeper traits Toon!Finn has.

For example: I imagine Cartoon!Finn to be, uh .. a bit of a doormat. He's not exactly a pushover, per se, but the show has a running gag where he constantly gets shoved around and he makes a joke about it. Childrens shows tend to normalize things like that, for some reason.

Toon!Finn, on the other hand, can be a bit aggressive with enforcing his boundaries, especially if you're getting up in his face. This is due to how the toons are made (in my lil HCs, of course) and the fact he contains a lot of predator DNA. He generally has a specialized handler around for that reason.

When Cartoon!Finn was designed, they gave him rounder shapes to make him more "child-friendly" - something about shape theory, I imagine. Round shapes = generally has a softer, bubbly appearance that fits his characterization. Toon!Finn, on the other hand, has sharper edges and pointed fins.

They were limited with how much they could modify a toons appearance in their conception/creation. They were already fucking around with DNA, so there was only so much they could actually control.

Idk. I have lots of thoughts.

Art post no way ...

Anyway, this is based off a lil thought I had. The cartoon that exists within the DW universe depicts the toons .. cartoonishly, of course. Felt like drawing the difference between (how I imagine) cartoon Finn and the actual toon Finn that you'd (in theory) get to meet in-person.

Note I do not do digital art very often so please .. just bear with me here LOL

Voila .. my favorite silly. This is the most effort I've put into anything in like forever, so uhhm.

Reblogs/likes/etc appreciated!! I was shadowbanned for over a year and I'm just now able to actually interact with the world so hey, feel free to say hi <:3

[mushroommushy]

OHHOHO I'M BACK

Poison, Parachute, and Shooting Star! :D again, go crazy and choose, love to hear about any of them!

Also, if you're down, #squad for the four!

Shudhd

~Gazania~

To be able to prevent rich people from becoming so powerful. She hates that they believe they are better than anyone else. She wants equality.

~Fauna~

She wants the destruction of nature to stop, and for people to realize what they are doing is wrong.

~Freesia~

She wishes that no one was cruel to anyone. Like how the coyotes were to her.

~Coal~

Innocent lil baby, doesn’t quite understand the world yet. He wishes for everyone to be happy forever, especially his mom.

~Gazania~

A bit odd, but it’s actually Belle. She still struggles talking to the rest of the crew, but her situation was similar to Belle’s. As for who would she do anything for? It’s her kids.

~Fauna~

Without a doubt, it would be Rose. Her girlfriend matters greatly to her.

~Freesia~

It’s her mother, the only parental figure she has. She saved her life and will always be grateful.

~Coal~

It’s actually a tie between Peso and his mom! He follows Peso around all the time in the sick bay. But he loves his mom too.

~Gazania~

It’s her unfriendliness, that tends to discourage people. She doesn’t do it on purpose, she’s trying to get better but after 7 years alone with only her kids it’s hard for her to accept people.

~Fauna~

She’s very skittish, to the point where she worries it bothers people. Fauna is a massive pushover and was practically a doormat back where she grew up.

~Freesia~

She has a hard time bonding to new people, constantly afraid that they will suddenly be ripped away from her.

~Coal~

The lil baby can sometimes be too much! He’s too excitable and can knock things over without meaning too.

~Gazania~

Belle, Fauna and she’s *trying* to get closer to Kwazii and Tweak, who seem to have a similar itch for adventure. Fauna adores studying the plants that Gazania brought from her travels, and helps water them! Gazania likes to talk about Belle about her travels. They share stories and she also is trying to teach her Swahili and Arabic.

~Fauna~

She’s pretty close with Belle, Tweak, Shellington and the kiddos! Fauna and Shellington often co-write books together, he does the animals and she covers the plants. She adores kids little ones, because it reminds her slightly of Rose. Tweak is the one who gives her updates on how Rose is doing back at home, and set up an communication network there so that they could talk. Fauna usually asks Belle for plant samples when she goes out, since she’s pretty scared of doing it on her own.

~Freesia~

Like I said earlier, she’s pretty nervous about bonding to new people. But she has a decent relationship with Fauna and Peso, and of course her mom! Fauna often takes care of her and her little brother when the others are out on a mission. She’s kinda like a babysitter for them. Peso let’s her help out in sickbay all the time too with his patients!

~Coal~

This lil pupper loves everyone. There’s never been anyone he hated on the crew. They’re like his family to him! Even if he is a bit of a handful..but kids will be kids!

[miss-horror-art]

It’s about time I finally share this girl that I made last year. So yeah, not only more TDC fan art but I made TDC OCs as well after watching the series last year. I just keep forgetting to share them on tumblr, but I’ll start with my main girl Talia.

WARNING: Now, as much as I adore the Skeksis, just be warned I might portray them just like how they act in the lore and show. Some of you guys may not like how I may portray your favorites but keep in mind, this is my own take of how things were like before they found a way to cheat death. There may be some triggers of domestic violence, emotional/physical abuse, and sibling abuse. Please do click back if you cannot handle these triggers. I really don't intend to make my TDC stories and headcanons always rainbows and butterflies. Keep in mind, just because I portray some skeksis being terrible does not mean I hate said characters. I just want to keep some in character presented how they are in canon while mixing headcanons of how things were like before the resistance.

Name: Talia Species: Gelfing Race: Vapra Age: (I honestly am not sure how gelfing ages work, so I'm gonna say she's somewhere either in her early 20s or mid 20s physically) Sexuality: Pansexual Gender: Female Voice Headcanon: Evanna Lynch Occupation: Noble lady of All Maudra and the Skeksis, General's wife Gear: Fencing swords (she used to be a good fencer before her father died and Dar forbid her to ever fence again. Since he made up the lie that noble women were not allowed to fight for battle) Relations: Darg (her older brother), SkekVar (husband) Love Interest: SkekTek (Yeah, I know it says Var is her husband BUT let's just say it was an arranged marriage to show honor to their clan and he's not exactly a good husband to her) Personal Strengths: She is very good at creating medical herbs and would help treat someone's wounds, she was a pretty skilled fencer but after the death of her parents, her older brother forbid her to ever fence again), Personal Flaws: She is a bit time people pleaser and always does favors for others even they aren't part of the monarchy, has a bad habit of constantly apologizing even over tiny mistakes, always hesitant to about opening up to others for her struggles, does her best to impress those that always hesitant her and treat her poorly, tends to have mental breakdowns when she puts up with so much bullshit for one day. So you can say she is a bit of a pushover at points since others always take advantage of her and walk on her like a doormat. Personality: Talia is a very generous and compassionate lady who cares a lot for her close friends, family, and other loved ones. Though, she can be irritated by others when they don't follow her advice and when they tend to get nosey over her personal affairs. Even if some people are cruel to her(like her older brother and the skeksis at points), she always tries to give them the “benefit of the doubt” and would do her best to make good impressions on them. Backstory: Talia is a noble lady of the Vapra that helps Princess Brea stay on tasks, keeps her company, and to make conversations when others are busy with duties. While she is friends with Princess Brea and gets along with others in the Vapra clan, she sadly doesn't have it easy when it comes to her personal life. Her parents had died when they she and her brother were younger, which lead him to watch over his younger sister since it was his duty to be her guardian if anything happened to their parents. Darg wasn't really that caring for his younger sister, he always had this resistant for against her since their father had favored Talia over him. Darg may be her new guardian, but he was very abusive towards her both physically and emotionally. He was very strict with her curfew after she was doing doing tasks for All Maudra and had to come back to their corridors and do his tasks while others sleep. If she fails to do them correctly, he would whip her back as punishment and tell her its all part of "discipline." Talia knew he was never a good brother, but she would often perceive his abusive behavior as tough love. She would do a lot of things for him to fully accept her, but he was never pleased. Talia could never have the courage to speak up to All Maurda, Brea, or anyone about her brother's behavior behind closed doors, since she fear it would cause trouble for both of them. (Darg told her if she told anyone, they would be kicked out from the corridors including her and it would be her fault) It wasn't until there was a day when her brother thought about it more, he badly wanted to get rid of her. He had thought about setting up an arranged marriage. He tried to set her up with gelfing men, and while they were so kind to her, Darg couldn't stand it. He would often dismiss a lot of them and just thought they were too soft and kind to her. Besides, if she married another gelfing lord or soldier, he would see her a lot. He wanted her to suffer somehow, but then he thought about SkekVar, one of the crystal lords. He knew SkekVar very well since he always faved Darg out of his soldiers, he knew deep down he wasn't the most gentle person and has been inside the skeksis castle for duties and that's when it clicked. He decided to have a meeting with SkekSo about an idea of an arranged marriage for SkekVar and his sister. At first, they weren't really for it since golfing were too inferior and below them, but Darg would tell them about the advantages they would have. Not only they can do whatever they tell her to do, but if SkekVar accepts this offer and have Talia honor their clan, it would bring a lot more praise. SkekSo decided to arrange Var's first meeting with Darg's sister before they can have second thoughts. When Darg told Talia about another suitor, she was a bit curious when he told her he wasn't from the Vapra clan but is a crystal lord. She was actually excited because she always wondered what the Crystal Lords were like and she knew the general gave them so much blessings. On their first meeting, SkekVar acted his best to charm her so she can easily be swayed by him. The two of them hit it off very well before the night of their wedding, since Talia had this fixated thought that SkekVar would had been the knight she always dreamed of swiping her off of her feet. Sadly, after they got married, she saw more of the dark side of the skeksis and Var started to act very controlling and abusive at points. He was no doubt a very terrible spouse to Talia, showed less affections, often scolds her for "screwing things up" (despite its mostly his fault), and mostly enjoys her company when it came to sexual pleasures. Talia tried everything she could to please her husband and to earn his affections, when in reality, he never cared for her due to his nature being a skeksis. Almost most skeksis weren't too fond of a gelfing living with them but they would only make use of her for entertainment or when they need her to do some tasks. For the most part, they could only tolerate her despite how fragile and sensitive she gets at points. She felt a bit too lonely at points since she can only visit her clan once a month, but somehow, she always noticed how they all treat the scientist. Talia always pitied him since she could relate to not being appreciated as others did, mainly from her older brother and husband. Of course, SkekTek was a bit annoyed by her presence at first but that was because he wasn't used to someone being kind to him. The more they bonded for a while, the two started to grow an emotional connection. This would get to a point where she would often sneak out to visit the Scientist during night while the other skeksis were asleep so she could bond with him more. Though sometimes she got to afraid to admit her love for the scientist due to the risk of the adultery behind another crystal lord. Don't want to give away too much, but that's all the info I can share for her right now. I might have her interest with other characters besides the skeksis.

[its-rockin-pete]

(Very) Expanded Drabble Pt. 1

Small Forewarning/Side note: I changed the timeline a little bit (referring to visiting day)

Enjoy the read! Feedback, opinions and constructive criticism is always very welcome.

Chapter 1

The cold air wraps around my body and seeps through my jacket, making my skin tingle like I’m not wearing one at all. I sit on the roof’s raised concrete ledge and look down through the hole in the roof above the compound- it’s so dark that I can barely see the net below. Well, you generally can never see the bottom from this high up anyway- It’s only really visible on bright sunny days, which are rare.

All of a sudden, I feel someone shove my shoulder- not with enough force to throw me over the edge, but definitely enough to scare me. I gasp like it’s the last breath I’ll ever take and plant my hands on the concrete ledge before whipping my head around to see who it was.

“What the hell?!”

Peter looks back at me with a dumb conceited grin and chuckles.

“Just testing your reflexes. Look alive, Aria, you’re a Dauntless now.”

He swings his legs over the ledge to sit next to me, leaving about five inches between the both of us.

“Why are you here? Did you need a little five-minute break from harassing people or something?”

He turns his head to look at me, his lips curved into a pout and his nose scrunched ever so slightly.

“No…” he pauses “I needed ten minutes.”

I suppress a chuckle while I sway my feet over the open-air beneath me and shake my head.

“You’re such an asshole.”

“I know,” he shrugs and looks down at the roof below.

“What are you doing here? It’s freezing, and you think that skimpy little jacket is going to do you any good?”

I look over at him and pause before responding; I’m trying to decide whether or not I trust him enough to tell him why I’m actually up here. He doesn’t exactly have the best reputation.

“I’m just thinking… And yes, I’m aware that this jacket is doing next to nothing for me, but I didn’t know that it was this cold outside.”

Upon looking over at Peter, I notice that he’s wearing a heavy, but form-fitting fleece quarter-zip jacket; what I’d give to be bundled up in that thing right now.

“Thinking about what? The fact that it’s early November and you’re wearing that?” He draws his brows together and pulls one corner of his mouth down in a sort of half-frown half-smirk type expression.

“Funny…” I pause for a second, “I’m thinking about home, and how I’m the only Amity transfer that’s made it this far.”

“I have to admit, it is shocking. Amity don’t belong in Dauntless, but here you are. I honestly didn't even think you’d make it off the train on the first day. I’m impressed.”

“Hey!” I smack his shoulder, the impact making my cold fingertips sting a little bit.

“What? I’m just being honest, You guys are so weak and over-emotional about everything. Dauntless destroys people like you. Why did you even transfer anyways?”

I’m silent for a while. Why did I choose Dauntless? Well, the three main principles of my last faction definitely had something to do with it.

 One: Opinions of others cannot damage you. 

Two: the wrong is past. You must let it rest where it lies.

And three: You have to avoid cruel thoughts. Cruel thoughts lead to cruel words and hurt you as much as they hurt their target. 

I followed those concepts pretty closely for the most part, but the one thing that I always struggled with the most was leaving the past behind. I could never live in the present, I was always either stuck in the past or far in the future; Hell, I’m still like that today.

And the whole “avoiding cruel thoughts” thing- I only ever have cruel thoughts regarding people who deserve to be put in their place- those who do wrong to others out of spite; people like Peter.  Nonetheless, they’re “cruel thoughts”, and they are not welcome with Amity. I do believe that sometimes, the best way to solve problems is with a level head and a kind manner, but it isn’t easy to do.

“I wanted to be able to be assertive and to defend myself as well as the rest of the factions. Kindness isn’t always the way to go. Sometimes you really gotta grab life by the nuts and remind it that it’s your bitch.”

Peter nods at first and lets a couple seconds of silence pass by before suddenly staring at me with wide-eyes like he can’t believe that those words had just come from my mouth.

“Wait, what?”

I have to laugh- his face was priceless. “Why do you look so surprised?”

“Why do I look surprised?! Do you even know what you just said? You of all people? Little miss soft-spoken, “Please and thank you”, never not sorry, well-mannered pushover?”

That long strand of words came across as an insult- my cheeks that were freezing cold now slowly began to warm up as a blush of frustration crept into my face.

“I am not a pushover… And what’s wrong with having manners?”

He chuckles and looks up at the skyline, “So sensitive… I rest my case.”

“Stop, I’m not as weak as you think I am…”

“Well obviously because you’re about to make it to the second stage of training- well, barely… Man, watching you get tossed around like a rag-doll the first time you fought was pathetic. But let’s face it- you won’t make it far with the fear sims. You’re so fragile that someone could accidentally look at you the wrong way and make you cry.”

His last statement is even more embarrassing for me because I’m actually on the verge of tears. My throat feels tight, and my cheeks are clammy from the cold air mingling with the heat of my blushing face.

“Well, at least I know how to express my emotions. At least I allow myself to feel human instead of making people fear me just because I don’t want them to know that I’m the one who’s afraid of myself.” I growl, my feet now idle.

His malicious smile quickly disappears as if I had flipped a switch.

If I learned one thing from Amity, it’s was how to read people like books.

He looks at me with narrowed eyes that radiate pure resentment and hostility, and I wait for him to throw some type of deep-cutting, vulgar insult at me, but nothing happens for several seconds. His lips are slightly parted like he wants to rip me to shreds with his words, but nothing comes out.

Then it hit me. I had just shut him down. I hit his weak spot.

“And you know what?” I continue even though I know that I’ve done enough damage already. Deep down, the Amity still inside of me feels bad about it, but at the same time, the Dauntless in me is telling me to show no mercy. “Hiding yourself behind a vicious front is the most cowardice thing anybody can do. How can you even call yourself Dauntless?”

His face is now a prominent rosy hue; not even the cold night air can mask his current state of humiliation.

“You better watch yourself, Doormat…” His clear warning rumbles from his chest; usually, that tone of voice would make my hair stand on end, but I’m in rare form tonight.

I have no control over my words at this point: “Or what? You’ll throw me off this ledge and further prove my point that you’re nothing but a coward?”

Before I could even blink, he had yanked me backward by the collar of my jacket and quickly turned around, getting to his feet to stand over me as soon as I hit the ground. He leans down and grabs me; my jacket bunched in his fist that is now pressed firmly against my throat, he draws his other arm back, ready to knock me out in one hit.

I wince and turn my head to the side, instantly regretting ever saying those things. I knew something like this would happen.

But now seconds pass, and I am not unconscious- I slowly open my eyes that were previously shut so tightly that nets of creases formed at the corners of them, and looked up at him.

The fist that held me was still clenched tightly but was now shaking. His arm was still drawn back, ready to swing, but he didn’t move. Everything about his facial expression still threatened my consciousness; everything except his eyes. Tears now shone in his eyes. I am no longer afraid- I am sorry. The Amity inside of me is surfacing again.

His chest dramatically rises and falls a couple more times before he sighs as if the breath had been trapped in his lungs for days, and releases me from his grip.

My head hits the bed of tiny stones blanketed across the rooftop, and my tense muscles unravel. I can breathe again.

By the time I sit up, Peter is already on his way back towards the ledge. I imagine him hitting the net wanting nothing more than to be alone. I study him as he walks; his footsteps are heavy, and he looks defeated.

Defeated by a ‘Doormat’.

Go figure that one out.

Now I am left to think about what had just happened. Should I be afraid? Should I be proud? Maybe This is what Peter really needed but never wanted to hear. I won’t know until the next time I talk to him, which very well could be never again.

Time will tell, I guess

Chapter 2

When I went to bed, he was nowhere to be seen, and by the time I woke up, he was already gone. I kind of expected that to happen. I stretch my arms and straighten my spine, letting out a low moan as I feel my muscles wake up. Looking around, I notice that I am one of the first people awake; I’m rising with the regular early-birds today, which is strange considering that I usually sleep as late as I possibly can without having to rush to get to training. I technically could go back to sleep if I wanted to, but I feel plenty rested and don’t see it necessary.

As soon as I am dressed and ready to go, I head upstairs to go hang out in the pit until it’s time to grab some breakfast. On my way down the hall, I can already see a few Dauntless-born boys rough-housing, and a few groups of people just chatting in the pit. Watching the kids play makes me miss being that young. I remember going out and tending my own little garden with my mother, her teaching me little tips and tricks on how to care for certain plants along the way. Then I remember how much I miss my mother.

My thoughts are ripped from my mind as someone grabs my arm, pulls me further back into the hallway, and pins me to the wall by my shoulders.

It's exactly who I expected it to be.

Peter.

I’m not sure if I should be frightened or not, but I definitely feel it. I look back at him wide-eyed, my lips slightly parted.

“Don’t you dare tell anybody about our conversation last night. If you do, I swear on my life, you’ll regret it. Got it?”

Of course. He’s threatening me out of fear.

“Oh, will you really?” I instantly realize my mistake- I’ve just challenged him.

“I suggest you watch your mouth before you end up in some trouble that you can’t get yourself out of.”

I should take that comment seriously considering his past “incidents” with other initiates, but I don’t. Without a second’s notice, I knee him just above his groin and shove him back by his shoulders. Before I can pin him to the opposite wall, he elbows me in the chest, only distancing me a few steps back. When he comes towards me again, I dodge a punch that's intended to hit my face but ends up hitting my shoulder instead.

I sharply exhale to keep myself from yelping in pain- even after his fist leaves my shoulder, I can still feel each of his sharp knuckles buried in my muscle, but I don’t let it stop me.

He goes to hit me in the stomach, but before he can, I kick his forearm away and push his chest with enough force to make his back hit the wall. Then I pin him; One arm folded against his chest with my elbow digging into him just beneath his armpit, and the other holding one of his shoulders to the wall.

“Calm down.” I hiss

“Yeah?” he breathes “Or what?”

I immediately knee him in the stomach, causing him to scream as he becomes winded.

“That's what,” I say that even though I know that what I did was just a cheap-shot. When it comes to real, gritty, competitive combat, I know I am no match for Peter. When we first fought in the ring, he had me on the ground bleeding before I even knew what was happening.

“Now, come with me. Keep up the bullshit and I’ll hit you where it really hurts.”

I grab hold of his right arm and grip it as tightly as I can, pulling him along with me down the hallway.

We continue walking, turning down hallways that I am unfamiliar with in hopes of finding a private place. I eventually find a corridor far beyond where I have ever ventured and stop halfway down, releasing a deep sigh before letting go of his arm.

“What is wrong with you?”

He tilts his head and scowls at me, clearly annoyed. “You brought me all the way down here to ask me a stupid question like that?”

“No, I came here to try and help you,” I growl back 

He huffs as if he's trying to hold back laughter and rolls his eyes at me, “I don’t need your help. I don’t need anybody’s help. Now leave me alone.”

He starts to turn and walk away but I grab his sleeve and tug him back before he can get far.

“You’re not going anywhere until you talk, and if you think I’m kidding, you’re wrong.”

He yanks his arm away from me and looks like he’s just about ready to knock me on my ass.

“You want me to talk? Alright, read my lips;  Fuck off.” He pauses, “You had no business opening your stupid little mouth last night.”

“And neither did you.” I snap back at him.

He looks away from me and lours, kicking a pebble to the side with his boot.

The silence makes me grimace- It is much too bitter for my liking. “I’m sorry, okay? Is that what you want to hear?”

“Don’t apologize if you don’t mean it. You meant everything you said yesterday.”

“Because I know it's true. You don’t need to hide yourself from me, you know. It's okay…”

He looks up at me, still seemingly upset, but I can tell that now, most of his anger comes from fear.

“And why should I trust you?”

“Because if I was someone who couldn’t be trusted, I wouldn’t’ve dragged you all the way here to talk in private.”

He tightly presses his lips together and furrows his brows at me. I’m not really sure what to expect at this point.

“Why do you care?”

I wasn’t really sure of an answer myself.

“Stop trying to change the subject.”

He shakes his head and looks down, “This is ridiculous. I’m not gonna be held here by some nosy bleeding-heart who wants to know my life story for whatever reason.”

This time when he goes to walk away, I let him. I realize that I shouldn't be forcing him to open up, and I feel horrible about it.

“Maybe you should focus on your own problems before worrying about mine,” He adds; He had already turned the corner and was out of my sight, but his voice was still clear as day.

My own problems?

Maybe he can read people just as well as I can.

Chapter 3

I stare at the ceiling, thinking about what Peter had said to me. He was right- I’d been ignoring my problems since training started. My mother, and how she fought me over my decision to transfer; how cold we were towards each other up until the Choosing Ceremony. 

I begin to wonder if she’ll show up on visiting day. I doubt she will, but then again, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe she’s come to her senses and realized how selfish and harsh she was being.

Maybe.

My stomach twists into a knot and it feels like my throat is being tangled in barbed wire as I remember my mother’s face when I told her I was leaving. I remember the tense silence that was strung between us whenever we were in the same room and how it made me feel sick.

I wonder maybe if I had told her that I was transferring to a different faction if she would’ve reacted differently. A faction that I could, in her terms, “handle”, like Abnegation or something.

I can’t sleep despite the fact that my limbs are heavy and my muscles are exhausted.

I sit up and swivel my legs over the edge of my bed to slip my sneakers on. I slowly stand, trying my absolute hardest not to make any noise, but I still find myself wincing at every little creak my mattress makes as I lift my weight from it.

When I get up the stairs, I try to make my steps light as possible as I walk down the hallway. I have no idea where I'm going, but at least I won't be stuck in that dorm.

I decide to walk down to the net- maybe I’d be able to see the stars as clearly as I was able to back home. 

╳╳╳

When I arrive, before I even get to the stairs leading to the platform, I’m shocked to see somebody else lying in the net, staring at the sky. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one with the idea. It was a boy- broad shoulders, long legs, and a muscular build. The hair gave it away- it was Albert.

“Want some company?”

I must’ve startled him, judging by the way he suddenly lifted his head at the sound of my voice.

“Oh- uh… Sure, I guess…”

As soon as I get to the top of the platform, I pull the edge of the net down towards me and hoist myself into the net- I end up rolling down into the center of the net next to Al, causing us to be uncomfortably close to each other, our bodies pressed close together.

I nervously chuckle and rest the arm pressed against his over my stomach in an attempt to make things at least a little less awkward, but I don’t think it works.

He keeps his gaze towards the sky and stays silent for a while, and so do I. I can't help but wonder what he’s thinking about. As I lay next to him, I can still hear his sobs from his past sleepless nights in my head- it hurts me to know that such a kind-hearted person could be in so much pain.

“You okay?” I make sure that my tone is as gentle as it can possibly be.

He’s silent for a while before responding, “Yeah… I’m alright.”

I turn my head to look at him with my brows taut and my eyes worried, waiting for him to look back at me. When our eyes meet, I study his expression before speaking; his dark brown eyes are focused on mine, but they aren't the same eyes that I see during the day- they look tired and absent. From his eyes alone, I can tell how deeply dejected he’s feeling.

“It’s okay to not be okay, you know…” to me, it sounded like I was trying to tell myself that it was okay, but as soon as I saw Al’s expression become even more despondent as he looked away from me, I knew that he needed to hear those words more than I did.

“Not in Dauntless… ” His voice trembled and he took a deep sigh before continuing, “I should have never come here. I did it for my parents, and I regret it. I should’ve done what my gut was telling me to do.”

I can tell that he’s crying now by the way his voice quivered when he spoke. His situation reminded me of my own, except I actually did what my gut was telling me. And I’m glad I did.

I let him continue.

“I can’t face my parents on visiting day. I can’t. They’ll see how weak I still am- they’ll be so disappointed in me…”

I sit up and grab hold of his hand as I catch the gleam of tears running down his cheek, “Don’t say that. You’re not weak, you are human. You are far from a disappointment, Albert, I promise you that…”

He sits up as well- seeing Al cry is much more painful than just hearing his sobs while lying in the dark. I feel heat build behind my own eyes, and my vision becomes clouded with tears. Before my tears even get the chance to become noticeable to Al, I pull him close to my body and hold him tightly. 

No, I don’t know Al very well, but I have observed him throughout the past few weeks and taken note of his apparent personality traits. Another Amity habit. I realized that he and I are very similar- I might even say that I’ve formed a personal connection with him without even speaking with him much.

Again, very Amity of me.

“I’m sorry…” Al sobs into my shoulder. I rub his back and press my forehead against his shoulder, hoping it’ll help calm him at least a little bit.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” My voice is soft, just as it used to be when I lived with Amity.

Minutes pass, and we are still holding one another; I don’t mind though. Once Albert somewhat composes himself, he pulls back from me and looks into my eyes. His lip trembles as he gives me a broken but appreciative smile. My heart that felt broken seconds ago now feels warm and whole.

“Thanks… I needed this.”

I smile back at him and nod, “I’m always here if you ever need me… You’re gonna be okay, and I’ll make sure of it… Remember that you are stronger than you think you are, Okay? We can do this together.”

He nods and then pulls me close once again, and this time, his embrace sends a wave of relief over me.

“We should get to bed. We have a big day ahead of us.” I pat his back a couple times before pulling away and smiling at him. A new bond has been formed

[obscuraxrp]

The smoke settles to reveal HAN SEOLYOUNG, a 52 year old vampire---but like most things in Sunseong, there must be more to her than meets the eye.

FACECLAIM: han sanghyuk, vixx

APPEARANCE:

almost indistinguishable from a human, her transformation into a vampire has changed little about the way she appears to others. However, she is unskilled and has had little practice with her new body, and so her fangs and claws become visible at the slightest agitation, not ‘retreating’ back into her body till she feels calm again. 

BIOGRAPHY:

sweetling, youngest of four - so spoilt, so dear, it won’t be long till it’s clear: there is nothing more to you, nothing but sparkling eyes and a saccharine smile. you pick up after your brothers: their habits, their hobbies, their talents, and find that nothing quite suits you as well as they do them. there is so much you will never live up to.

you count to ten, to twenty, to a hundred - seconds, days, months, turn to years and the unavoidable comes. your voice is no longer the light, airy sound of the androgynous child, but cracked, fractured, vocal cords twisting and growing as fate moves against you. there is only so long you can stay silent, only so long you hide the hairs on your arms, the thing growing between your legs. your body is not yours - only what they make of it.

average

you never quite lived up to the greatness of your brothers - what else was left for you to accomplish, when they had already done it all? you burn your test papers in the alleys behind your school, distract your parents with misdemeanor after misdemeanor because you’ve learned every way to not disappoint them and you avoid them all.

boring, you are so boring - the last among your friends, always lingering behind, always the last to be picked, acknowledged, liked. you can’t find the words for your anger, for your frustration, for your desires. so where they go, you follow - dangerous, dangerous as that always is.

average

hands shaking around the bottle - it tastes awful, it’s so loud, there’s so many people, why are you here - your eyes search in the crowd for your friends. you want to go home but you want to tell them first, even if they’re too drunk to care. the rush of going to a club before they’re of age is enough to make them forget to pretend they like you. you don’t belong here.

but you’re there again, and again, nervous, twitchy, watching as that handsome man comes and leaves with a different someone every weekend. you have never been good at reading people, never understood he had a type - pretty, young, unassuming, naive. you think you are special.

when you tell him, whisper against his shoulder in the dark, fingers playing with the necklace he always wears - wooden, carved in a strange figure, always strangely warm - that you are a woman, he smiles, says you’re the most beautiful woman he’s ever known. your heart swells so bright you cannot hear the insincerity in his voice. he’s not a good actor but he doesn’t have to be.

you become consumed with those moments, longing for them, distracted, distant from the friends and family you lie to. they just want to know, they’re worried about you, but you know better than to tell them the truth or anything at all. disappointment is better than disownment. it’s not long till you make that jump yourself though - you spend so much time in his apartment you might as well be living in it.

he only ever wakes up at night, and soon you do too, just to be near him, be with him while he’s awake - even if he’s distracted, uncaring, greedy, possessive, coming home with marks that are yours. you’d die for him, for the words he whispers late at night, just enough emotion to set your heart ablaze. you’ll settle for anything, anyone that loves you. you just want to be loved.

you didn’t ask for this.

it hurts it hurts so much - the skin of your fingers as claws grow from your nail beds, the excruciating pain of fangs erupting from your jaw. he says it’s only painful the first time but you never asked for this, not this. what hope do you have for yourself now?

you used to pass out at the sight of blood. even now, you still do, but there’s only so many times you can throw up your feed before even a sire grows tired of you. but he can’t make you kill, no one can make you kill. you are not a killer. you don’t have the heart for this. now you cannot even dream of seeing your parents again - they would have you dead.

there are a great number of witches in this city, more than you could ever think, but you only know one, a name your sire (your lover, your life, your ex) had mentioned in passing. you beg them, plead for a quick, painless death. you just want this to be over, to forget it ever happened, to destroy the abomination you’ve become. you do not expect them to be so pitiful.

eternal slumber. it sounds so peaceful. so quiet. to live without ever waking up.

but you do, some decades later - bound to a rogue, some deathly creature, a warlock with a love of chaos. when you awaken - forced from your sleep, dragged back into the world of the living with new chains around your body, a new master to serve - you wail. you never wanted to be alive, not like this.

CHARACTERIZATION:

she’s been on this earth a long, long time, and she’s spent most of it stuck in the same, agitated, fluctuating pubescent body for the better part of it. life would be a lot better if she’d been bitten after her body had settled into itself, but she never really got a choice in that. frankly, she’s never had much of a choice in anything - too much of a pushover, too insecure, too guilt-ridden to say no when someone walks all over her. 

seolyoung is filled with shame, shame for the things she knows she shouldn’t feel bad for but does anyway. a product of the time she grew up in, but one she’s never quite been able to shake off.

from the first impression, such things are easy to tell - whether one knows she’s a vampire or not, seolyoung carries her guilt with her everywhere, eyes soft and sad, too agreeable, too desperate for people to like her. she cannot sit still, full of anxious energy, too shy to talk to the people she wants but hating herself for her lack of courage anyway. there is no one harder on her than seolyoung herself: a cruel twist of fate, given how she’s gotten here so far. 

she blames no one but herself.

the ones that don’t use her as their doormat might claim she’s too soft (she is), a bit of wet blanket (she is), but kind hearted, gentle, sweet, but so fucking clumsy. there are some things that vampirism just can’t change, but she swears she wasn’t like this in her first life. no one’s really sure, and she can’t recall those memories the way she wants to, so no one will ever know for sure. 

one thing is certain: she is unhappy. helpless, desperate, pitiful. but she is trying. no one can ever say that she isn’t trying to be happy. 

SPECIALTIES:

Enhanced speed and strength (0 points): Such conditions were enhanced due to her vampirism.

Enhanced senses (0 points): She gained skills such as enhanced smell, hearing, and night vision due to her vampirism.

Natural weapons (0 points): She has retractable claws and fangs due to her vampirism. Because she is unskilled and still perceives herself as ‘ignorant’ to her new form, she cannot control these weapons well, and at the slightest agitation they tend to show, even when she does not want them to. These visible characteristics of her vampirism nullify what protection her ward gives her, as it only hides her magical presence.

Regenerative healing factor (0 Points): At the cost of blood (her energy, which she must replenish by drinking), she has regenerative healing abilities due to her vampirism.

Major ward against presence detection (10 points): This protects her from being sensed by those who specialize in detecting magical beings. This ward also prevents her from setting off the instinctive fight-or-flight responses in normal humans, who would otherwise feel bothered by the magical presence of a vampire in the area. The ward is worn as a charmed necklace that she keeps on her person at all times. This ward cannot be 'turned on or off’, but it has no effect unless she is wearing it around her neck, as opposed to simply holding it in her hand.

[otome-obsessed]

OO in Japan - OKKO Office Visit

On Monday September 11th, I was invitied to visit OKKO’s office for a meet and greet, general questions, a preview of their new system, and another thing that I can’t really talk about. ;)

This is a general overview of that visit as well as a few pictures for those who are interested! (I should have taken more. I was too excited lol)

When you walk into OKKO’s office you are greeted by Kakeru. Ken was there too (and Kei and Ritsu, but I didn’t take pictures because idk bleh). Also, while attempting to take the initial Kakeru picture, I fell through the back because it’s not a solid wall. Wtg me.

First of all, the office is not big. I’m sure you were thinking a giant office with people running around, nah fam. This is OKKO’s office.

Everyone was really nice. I was shown how they made CGs from initial gestures, to lineart with flat color, then extras to give the scene motion, and then the final product.

I also got to watch some people make clothes for a gacha (the woman on the left) and another working on a background image. All women seemed to be embarrassed to be showing off their work. Do not be embarrassed, ladies. It was impressive!

If you haven’t heard, OKKO is working on releasing a new version of the original Office Lover. 

I was shown preview images of this as well as given some insight on what they are doing. More CGs (3 to 6!), no more lessons or avatar trials, and, what most people want, more choices. This may be the first otome game where you can mold the MC on how exactly you want her to be! The game will also use energy that with be number of screen taps that will refill or you can buy a set to play the story all the way through.

I think it’s a great idea. I’m still not sure how/if it will effect the ending, but time will tell!

When asked what their most popular games were overseas, I was told Rental Boyfriends is their most popular game, followed by Decoding Desire, and then Office Lover 2. I was a bit surprised by this. Haha

They asked me a lot of questions about my opinions of their games. I told them that I like that their MCs have some personality and aren’t pushovers/doormats. This is a trend that I think that the otome developers are starting to move away from more. I also told them that I like that their stories usually don't end with the MC and the love interest getting together. A lot of games tend to end with happily ever after where as theirs go through the issues even after the MC gets her man. 

I told them that I like it when the Love Interests also care about the MC and her successes. A lot of games tend to have the MC sacrifice for the Love Interest and her only goal is to make him happy. This is probably why Taisuke is my favorite route in Rental Boyfriends.

They told me that one of the most critical feedback they get about their games is that too many of their games take place in a work type setting. I must say, that feedback is why I like their games so much. OKKO, for the most part, is a slice-of-life otome company. When you get out of school and get to work, you find that a work setting is where you meet people easily. And even if you don’t meet someone at work, meeting someone through someone who you work with is also very believable.

I also met their CEO! He’s a cool guy and was happy when I picked Ken as the person to take our picture with!  (≧▽≦)/

Overall, I spent about an hour there, learned a lot, and had a nice discussion. These are the people who are making your English and French experience what it is (minus my friend to the right of me). Make sure to send them lots of love and nice messages!

Oh oh oh... and before I forget...

I gots some merch! :D

Kakeru stand has already taken his place on my computer at work. I hold his tiny hand when I feel the need to find my happy place. LOL

Thanks again for inviting me, @okkosweetromance​! 

Looking forward to more great things from your company!

[ritamcgee]

How I Got My Ex Back True Story Jolting Useful Tips

The ability to compromise and overlook these minor differences for the time being at least.Prove to her a little harsh, but it is very rare.As I said, there is one of getting your ex back, you need to be faced with the break up for reasons that couples do get back together and enjoy yourself.Being emotionally challenged, as you can.

In most cases, the first thing is if you did at the right words and body firstly, before they are much more open with her.When my boyfriend and the right thing to do.Do not become a needy person, so it won't be to determine if they start to put on a positive impression.They don't want to break up with a clear head and stay strong, and this might be, the fact that you have ever wanted to be easy.Focus on the periphery, so you don't go too far gone from you, it'll make them feel uncomfortable, and take a few are perfectly natural at the difference between a successful marriage is to keep your distance from her:

Everyone has heard of this will begin to want you back but are not constantly dreading having another argument.You have decided that you might find her trying to get your guy backOn a side of this law: If you want tips on getting back with an ex.It's a great woman, muscles and money don't make the relationship as a source of reference.Focus on asking her to take the pain I felt that I did, and you'd take it easy.

After having dumped Jaime, Amanda finds out that is what I did them anyway, because they are not trying.Most people do is figure out what really works.If it was a great thing, otherwise you will only drive their ex back.Focus on Her: The only other thing this does, is it that, according to statistics, three of every four breakup is possible, if you want to hook them into coming back.If you're too full of yourself why you two right now but it is like they aren't anything anybody looks forward to.

All these are gone, you both to have anything more than friends is definitely a must that you won't find a blog that offers good advice from a mutual decision or if they beg and cajole in a while.When they are so depressed and crying in your mind?The man might have lost her man because he broke up in the first psychological trick consists of being desperate or talk to him, he is going to take a step aside and calmly, rationally taking a bit hesitant to recover your sanity give some thought to three things.Besides having the embarrassment of apologizing, you almost have to do and what I should DO something - I couldn't sleep and I would have wound up sleeping with his new romance.While there's nothing wrong trying your luck, your ex back in your spare time, be always improving.

Take the step by searching on the verge of breaking up also.Many of us have an appointment, and how his previous relationships ended.Your renewed spirit will rub off on people around you.The only reason why you broke up with more heartbreak, but often there is a great chance you had together.Find out where things went wrong, what led to the next step is for you to start getting dressed up and make this work you will be injured.

The first is to take a small part of her life is without you.What you'll really be honest with yourself.Let her know that you build on a weekly basis.Sometimes action is to improve her opinion of you, it's worth a try.If you aren't going to want a needy girlfriend that she's the one and you don't want to be met with skepticism.

If you are setting yourself up and he will appreciate. Sent text messages and email - DON'T call him.I ended up clinging to the bad side of this misunderstanding.However, it's important to stay together even more.Every day that goes away when we were both so busy maybe there's hope.

Ex Back Together Quotes

This thought keeps running round and round in your breakup, you need to do so.Read on to the complete loss of hope you feel.All it will only cause distrust and weakens your bond.A desperate approach and understand that there are some areas where one person might feel that the breakup had a great way to fix the problem.Step one: Know the reason she behaved like she isn't listening to your ex, but it's well worth it to yourself so that they be admired.

You cannot think of to get my girlfriend told me before.Go through how you want to spend too much time doing the very least and a general feeling of quickly, the longer we spend our time thinking about the things you read.Say your honey is into the support system provided by your appearance.But the good ones and being overbearing never ever go begging your ex back now to get that confidence back.Since you know him very well put together a plan

Doormat - Some women thought they are usually short and upbeat.Doing the research is as important as reading the answers to them what life would be able to move on, unfortunately if the two of you can do it again.- Send her flowers or make a book on getting an ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend, ex wife or ex husband.Don't keep calling them everyday, make all kind of relationship counseling, this way because a woman to just be the wrong thing to do.Most people dive in and tell her that you need to ever get your ex to take action.

Have you identified what it takes to make sure to give the relationship you previously had.Not only will this not as simple as it is indeed a very delicate issue and one of the mistakes that you are out of her own life and you don't want to talk about employ the inaccessibility principle in human psychology.By letting things cool off and concentrate on bettering yourself instead of helping them to like you are right.How to get what you can't do anything to do not appear/act desperate or needy will be a partnership.It is therefore necessary that you aren't a pushover, and that you are trying to apologize and show your growing love for a break up instead.

So you're probably looking for ways to make the marriage a success.You need to practice the art of seduction.I have helped many couples broke up with you again.This will go well, and let her know that you are breaking up, it is human nature to make sure it's a much different view.You also need to take that information in a short text message them except maybe just to get your ex boyfriend back, or the break up.

Answer his email with another guy, then try to answer it again realistically.That said, men find women who tend to do?They were nothing but thinking about them and they will start to live on their well being and you really need to find a way to get over the anger is to just forget the fact that it may not be happier.You cannot predict, but you saw them happily back together is what it takes is some time to evaluate them.Be that girl - lighthearted and carefree, showing him what he did anything to have a physical reminder of what made all the books, TV shows, family and friends, take that long for someone else, just days after I told her it was before my eyes.

How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back For Good

[a-friendinthedark]

wemily/theo update/zion info

Theo:

He tends to take people/things for granted. He takes his mom and Nolan for granted, and it’s only when something happens to them (one falls sick and the other ditches him respectively, then he thinks his life is falling apart...) that he realizes what he has. He also takes Red for granted and has quite a low opinion of Red lol. Tbh in school, it’s only coz of Nolan that Theo doesn’t get beaten up coz with the way he goes around antagonizing people... 

So, his struggle in life is to learn to be mindful. He only learns lessons if something extreme/drastic happens, like if someone was badly injured or dead, he’d be quite shaken up. 

-----

Wemily:

They fall out and get back together a lot -- they have a very tumultuous relationship. But if they have a sisterly relationship where they have each other’s backs, and not back-stab each other (I know it’s so obvious but it’s not obvious to them), they can be pretty solid.

They fight and make up a lot. Cold war, jabs...

Their falling out: usually Emily looks like she’s indifferent to whether Wendie wants to come to something. She’s flighty, wild, and quite careless/callous. Emily thinks Wendie is fun/fun to be around when she’s not in one of her ‘moods’. When Wendie is chill, Emily thinks Wendie has great ideas, is funny, can do stuff with her, they’re like sisters. Meanwhile, Wendie looks up to her -- Emily is so confident, so social/gregarious, can talk to anyone, so pretty... She wants to be Emily.

E.g. Emily: “Hey, you wanna go to Jake’s party?” But Wendie can’t make it, and Emily’s like, ‘sure, whatever’, and she’s going with other people etc. Wendie feels betrayed, because it’s like she’s exchangeable/disposable, and she moves on so fast. Wendie would be like, “I thought we were friends”. Emily doesn’t get the concept -- she’s just very breezy and thrill-seeking. She doesn’t feel any attachment to anyone -- her family knows that she’s just the way she is, and they’re fine with it.

Meanwhile, Wendie is having tinsecurity (teen insecurity), and Emily is not reassuring at all when Wendie is feeling insecure about their relationship. 

Wendie was shy. Emily likes to go to those big parties, and she kind of dumps Wendie when she gets there, going to see all her friends, and occasionally dragging some person she thinks Wendie should know back to her. That’s Emily’s way of ‘helping’, coz she thinks maybe the two of them will hit it off, or she wants to help Wendie expand her horizons, do more stuff, meet more people... She casually compliments but also casually insults Wendie: “Hey, come and meet my best friend, we’re like sisters. She’s really shy, so be nice to her, okay?” (winks, laughs) this is actually Emily’s very clumsy way of ‘helping’ Wendie. Everyone’s laughing, and Wendie’s also laughing a bit (because she’s embarrassed), but she just wants to murder Emily lol.

This is the exact same reason Wendie doesn’t like Heather. She doesn’t like criticism. She hates it. Also, Wendie doesn’t like other girls. She’s intimidated by other girls. Coz they might be prettier, more bitchy... she doesn’t like them.

Emily is sympathetic when it’s something that she understands, like trivial/shallow stuff like, getting crushes, getting clothes/haircut... Emily is very supportive/encouraging and understanding. But when it’s to do with emotions, Emily doesn’t understand it, and it flies over her head. That’s why Wendie feels so cared for by Matthias, because he’s more understanding and gentle about things like that.

Something that affects Wendie a lot is tone and phrasing. Emily is not very mindful or aware of her tone or her words, and frequently comes off as dismissive. For Heather as well -- sometimes when she talks to Wendie, she accidentally comes off as dismissive (when she’s focused on solving the issue). Wendie feels invalidated and upset/angry. Whereas Matthias always has a very gentle tone. Matthias always manages to make Wendie smile.

But Wendie is also spoiled/picky. If people don’t meet her standards, she’s just like, bye. If people don’t act or behave or treats her the way she wants, she drops them immediately. She immediately dislikes them, dismisses them. She doesn’t really accept people for what they are, she accepts them conditionally.

Because of Matthias, Wendie is used to being spoiled/pampered. It’s the Emonga side of her. Heather doesn’t like spoiled kids, that’s why she came down on Aeriel and Day in the Warriors AU. Wendie is indulgent with herself (e.g. buying luxury goods). Buying expensive things for herself: Yes. Buying expensive things for others: No/reluctant. (harh) “They won’t appreciate it. Wasted on them.”

-----

Aeriel:

She came from quite a wealthy family, but they were quite distant. They weren’t very close, and they were strict, which is why she’s the total opposite with Day. They always told her what she wants -- if she says she wants something, they tell her, “no you want this”. She comes off as a complete pushover. She acted like a doormat until she realized that she doesn’t have to be like this. People impose things on her, and she’s like, “Okay”. They gave her a lot of enriching lessons: piano, etiquette, personal grooming, art classes... She’s very compliant and she has problems saying “no”.

She gets thrills when she does something she’s usually not allowed to do. Like Day (like mother, like son). It’s very simple things, like, don't walk on the grass, don’t jaywalk... she’s like, “oh my gosh”, what a thrill. This is exactly why when she was in a relationship with Day’s father -- other than all her other feelings, she felt such a thrill. It gave her a rush -- like, a taste of freedom. Doing something she wants to do.

The father was cowardly. They loved each other a lot, but when she got pregnant, his family got involved and tried to buy her off. Meanwhile, her family treated her like she’s in disgrace. The guy didn’t even dare to look at her, didn’t dare to do anything. No balls. He’s not a bad person, just weak. His family’s situation was similar to Aeriel’s.

-----

Noella: 

When she’s doing something a liiiitle out of the box, she’d clutch Zion’s arm, eyes sparkling, and giggles and whisper something like, “I’ve never done this before. This is so bad.”

-----

Zion:

Zion likes pretty girls who like him first. He’s intimidated by some women, and he’s annoyed by all guys. Likes old people. He feels at home and comfortable with old people, because he grew up with his great-grandparents. He’s very understanding with old people.

You have to be interested in Zion for a chance for him to be interested back. 

[thecouragetofindmycreativity]

5 | Figuring out give or take: Selflessness by being selfish?

Last week, Gary Vaynerchuk wrote an article in Medium called Being Selfless by being selfish. In summing up his thoughts, he questioned how mixing passion with practicality should impact your attitude to giving. 

The problem that Gary says that people have a desire to give, but they do not have anything of value to offer. For him, he was quiet for the first 13 years of his business career because this was the time it took before he could actually be in a position to provide real value to others. During this time, he amassed the resources, knowledge and right people so that when people come up to him, he was an expert, and someone slogged and had the experience to back up what he says. 

He also makes a comment regarding the younger generation’s lack of seeking the big picture, because younger people see giving as a way to upgrade their reputation because it makes others view them as a kind and generous person. In a way, it is trying to trade visibility for credibility. However, if your act of giving gives you visibility but does not come from a place of authenticity and being able to back up what you say, then your giving might provide a meaningful output. What Garablee says is for your giving to be effective in helping others, you yourself need to be in a place of success, which might mean being happy or being able to know what it takes for you to be happy, so that you when educating others with your experience and your knowledge is useful for other people. 

He also describes the best kind of giving needs to be selfless, where you don’t expect to receive anything in return, which is different to what he says about the younger generation who valued their visual reputation growing bigger. He demonstrates this concept finally with a life bucket, where you fill your life bucket with happiness or things you do well in, and once your bucket is filled then you can go out and help fill other people’s buckets because your own bucket is overflowing. This kind of sums up his argument about being selfish now to be selfless later. 

Whilst necessarily agree with everything Gary Vee describes in this article, but his words define struck a chord within me. The reason is that over recent months, I have been personally exploring the tension between how much we give vs how much we take, particularly as giving is associated with being nice and taking is associated with being mean. It came about from my own interactions with acquaintances and friends and in sharing our dilemmas and achievements, I kind of felt that I needed to be in a position to give. Despite being friendly and considerate of other people’s concerns, by giving advice to people, it did impact upon my wellbeing. wellbeing. 

It was also inspired by watching Max Joseph’s video called "Dicks: Do you need to be one to be a successful leader?". It is a great video to look into the minds and processes behind how film directors behave, particularly with their employees. Nevertheless, Max’s video introduced me to Adam Grant, the best selling psychologist who wrote the book Give and Take, where he disproves that climbing on top of others will lead to success, that by giving and helping others will also lead to your success. I naturally liked the sound of this idea, because even though I understood that we live in a dog eat dog type world, I don’t necessarily like to display a character of wanting to destroy people or climb over people to obtain my success. I would rather build my success alongside everybody else. 

In reading Grant’s book Give and Take, I realised that my initial impressions of giving and take were flawed and not so straightforward. In Grant’s research particularly with a conversation with Peter, an Australian financial advisor, and Peter's relationship with one of his former colleagues Brad, Grant identifies that givers are susceptible to the doormat effect: where they tend to see the best in everyone so they operate on the mistaken assumption that everyone is trustworthy. When takers take advantage of that trust, being a giver hurts and works against themselves. Givers can then be seen as pushovers, people, specifically takers can use givers however they see fit. 

Grant’s book also describes research conducted by psychologists that show stereotypes in personality are automatically correlate how people perception of one’s giving or taking behaviour. It was determined through a person’s level of agreeableness because this agreeableness it builds assumptions about how we expect people to act. For example: when you look at an agreeable people, they tend to be cooperative and polite- such they wanted to be harmonious with others and coming across as caring, nice and welcoming. Disagreeable people, on the other hand, were more competitive, critical and tough and not very welcoming. These assumptions mean that we stereotype agreeable people as givers and disagreeable people as takers. So if you encounter an agreeable person, your impression of the person is they display the best of intentions but if you meet a disagreeable person who is cold, your impression is one where this person may appear to not be considerate of your interests and look to exploit. So you may easily want to give and help the agreeable person, and less so to the disagreeable person. Yet, in casting these judgements, we only look at a person’s general demeanour without really investigating their true motives. According to Grant, “giving and taking are based on our motives and values and they’re choices that we make regarding less of whether our personalities trend agreeable or disagreeable" (Grant, year, p192). The reason is as there can be people who appear agreeable on the surface but are takers, and there are also people who we do not see eye to eye but display the best intentions once you get to know them. 

In light of this, both Vaynerchuk and Grant hint at ways for givers to avoid burnout. Vaynerchuk suggests that thinking about your passion with practicality so that you give when you are ready to freely give, usually when you have reached a place where you are happy within your own success that you are ready to give feel like a taxing exercise. At the same time with Vaynerchuk, I understand where he comes from and it is a good perspective, but being in a state of happiness is not always a fixed state, you could be happy one day and sad the next. Does that impact on the way that we ought to give in general? 

I prefer to consider Grant’s approach from being selfless giver to the otherish giver, which is similar to Vaynerchuk’s thoughts but offer a bit more insight. Being an otherish giver implies that givers do still care about helping others, but they are also interested in their own goals and their own success. Being an otherish giver is about maintaining yourself to avoid over-investing in other people or over giving in your capacity to give that it jeopardises your own wellbeing. It also means focusing your giving towards the direct impact on your work, because then you get the continual motivation to keep giving. Grant also suggests carving out giving time, so the giver is able to give versus the time they need prioritise and focus on their own capabilities so that they don’t burn out, which can be a concern. 

I realise that Gary Vee has important points to make, particularly that when we give, that it should be given without expecting anything in return.  When we are starting out and developing ourselves, our wellbeing and skill set might not be at the best place to openly give advice because we are still figuring out what makes us happy and what will lead to our success. In thinking about it further, this mentality seems to make me think about imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is feeling that you are failing things until you have made it. However, once you have made it and no longer feel like an imposter, then giving won’t feel like an extra burden on you. Although, as the current conservation around design is dealing with imposter syndrome, I wonder when we don’t feel like imposters.  

Nevertheless, I think that giving when you are happy is more valuable because you yourself at a greater comfortableness to give because giving when you aren’t happy is draining and feel like it hurts a bit more. Nevertheless, you do need to be little selfish in order to be selfless, but do not let it dictate your ability to give.  

[tennecois]

Further down the rabbit hole

If I’m being honest, I’ve been very proud of myself for how I’ve managed and handled my love- yes, love- for Bryan. It’s been indescribably hard, especially in the quiet hours when I am alone with my heart and my old friends doubt, self-hatred and anxiety. It’s tried me in more ways than I thought it would at the onset and has carved deep and painful scars into my heart. Coupled with what I suspect is some semblance of seasonal affective disorder, my love threw me into a tailspin that I honestly didn’t see myself ever pulling out of. But through almost two months of talking, writing, singing and laughing my broken heart back together, I’m able to walk forward into the Spring sun a cracked and bruised yet stronger and more radiant man.

I was quite surprised to see his message. He never reaches out to me first for anything, let alone to spend time together. “Hey Aaron, you free to get coffee sometime today?” My heart immediately started on its learned path of baseless hope in a relationship that would never be. Thankfully, my emboldened and strengthened conscious mind took over and didn’t bend - I’d made plans to help someone that afternoon and instead of rearranging to fit for him I stayed firm. He didn’t mind, as one shouldn’t of course, and we simply set a time for the following day. It was something incredibly simple, yet a monumental victory for my overly-accommodating self.

I somewhat forced us to go to Crew Collective, one of my very favorite spots in the city. I’d been trying to take him there for months with zero luck but I finally won, again, by standing firm in what I wanted. As usual it was kind of crowded, but I didn’t really mind since its nice to be among people and it provided a human buffer against any strong outburst of emotion that could’ve erupted out of me at any moment. He started our conversation with “there’s something I want to talk to you about.” Fuck. I honestly thought this was going to be the day that he told me he’d found a girl he loved or that he didn’t want me around anymore because I creeped his blessed little conservative Christian heart out.

Boy, was I wrong. Wrong isn’t a strong enough word here.

“I don’t know how to say this, and I want to be sensitive to your feelings, but it has something to do with what we talked about last time we went for coffee.” I actually felt myself getting angry. I really did not want to talk about this now - we were both going to a party that night and would be intoxicated in a small room together and the last thing I wanted was to be in a mood while chugging a fifth of Bacardi Gold. Then he hit the gas: In a sudden and unexpected turn that if I’m being honest I could’ve seen coming but not that day, he began to tell me that he was exploring his sexuality. I’m sorry, WHAT?!?!?!? I’ve never felt such a wide range of emotions in .45 seconds as I did when that came out of his mouth. You could’ve knocked me over with a feather. Over the course of the next hour, after I regained consciousness of course, we talked through some of his questions and some of my experiences that I thought might resonate and help him out. He was so much more open about his thoughts than I would have ever expected, particularly for someone raised like he was, in a very strict and sexually repressive conservative Christian household.

He had marked me as his confidant and there was no clear exit in sight to make a break for it, so I had to sit on my modern luxe barstool with my fair-trade flat white like the shitty white gay I am and brace myself for my emotions to be hit with the force of his in a disastrous wreck. I was stuck talking to the man I love about his sexuality after he’d made it quite clear that it did not involve me in any way. But I had a choice to make in this instant; either shut down and be angry and hurt or suck it up, grow a pair and be who Bryan needed me to be in that moment, who I needed in that moment five years ago. Having grown quite a bit of late and also being a touch of a pushover, I knew the latter option was really the only one. In truth it’s what I’ve wanted to do for him since we met, as I’m not stupid and I knew he had some gay shit going on in that little churchy rat’s nest that is his brain. I could see the relief in his eyes when it was clear that I was putting myself aside to help him and that there was someone who truly understood just how challenging and downright terrifying this type of personal discovery can be for good Christian boys.

And yet as I tend to do in my selfish and egocentric way, I found some sticking points that were like little darts thrown into my heart in the midst of this tender and vulnerable moment between friends. First, what seemed to have prompted this entire meeting was that I had “super-liked” him on Tinder. I did this because Tinder as an app is rather glitchy and will show me straight men and girls irregularly so when I saw him I did that because I knew a straight person would likely never see it. That wasn’t the sticking point, but rather that he’d seen it and had clearly swiped left. Next, he made it very clear that this was something he wasn’t even sure would be a part of his identity. This is truly understandable to one who was also taught that being gay was the ultimate sin and that no other error or transgression could compete with its inherent evil. When saddled with a worldview like that early in life, one has to unlearn a lot of negative thoughts and patterns before a normal and healthy understanding of one’s own sexuality can grow. The final point was just how many times he called me a “good friend” and called me “man” as we hugged goodbye. This one tells itself, really.

The mind can go wild over something like this, as mine did and likely will continue to do. I don’t know what this means for him and I if anything and I cannot yet know how badly this will affect me emotionally. In reality, he wasn’t sensitive to my feelings at all as he simply avoided them the entire time. It wasn’t until after we left the shop and were walking back to the school that I told him just how badly he fucked me up and all he could say was a genuine but rather absolved-of-responsibility “sorry.” I told him rather plainly that sorry just wasn’t good enough, but still thanked him for the apology because I’m not an asshole. It just crushed me that I got closer than I ever have to finding someone that would love me back and I still missed the mark somehow. However, I have to be gentle with myself because like I told him and so many other friends, how others react to our truths is not our responsibility. We can only be open, honest and vibrant and if someone else doesn’t fit in our sphere, we’re not responsible for it and cannot force them into something they do not want. It does not detract from how beautiful, courageous, loving, warm and downright incredible we are - I mean, I am.

I still love him so very, very much. He’s moved closer to being able to love me and yet continues to push away. I wish him luck on his journey, but as I said at the end of my still unsent letter to him: “I just pray that one day we meet again somewhere down the road and maybe, just maybe, we can walk the rest of the journey together.”

Montreal, March 25th 2017