#and he said ‘let’s replace the name in the song with FANS names’ absolutely insane love his nutty little thought process

[patrickztump]

if i was one of the twenty random people selected to have allie replaced with my name in 2011 and, after saying it repeatedly, patrick stump said “tonight we ought to do naughty things” i would have a stroke

[issaxcharlie]

Spectacular!

Pairing: Alive! Luke Patterson x Fem Reader

Summary: Inspired by Nickelodeon’s Spectacular! Luke Patterson needs the money for his bands demo, and miraculously, that same night he gets an offer to fix his problem. The catch? Rockstar boy has to join his school’s show choir and put up with their fearless Female Lead Singer. (don’t come here searching for accuracy remember it’s inspired by a movie)

Note: I had a lot of fun with this one, hope you like it! Oh and it’s a little long so keep it in mind +8k👀💜

Say this is not her scene would be to fall short, but she has to make sacrifices to find greatness. The first thing she notices when she walks into the little club, is that it's packed. The people look excited and somewhat desperate and she doesn't blame them. The pamphlet marked they were supposed to start at 8:00 p.m. and it's already 8:40. She makes her way carefully until she finds a perfect place in the middle of the room.

The musicians take the stage visibly anxious, especially Alex who cannot stop moving his hands trying to probably calm himself down. Reggie and the rhythm guitarist take their positions. They look at each other one last time before beginning to play the enveloping sound of the pop-rock song. The bass line sounds insane and she hasn't heard Alex play drums in years, he’s exceptional. They could both play without their singer all night and she wouldn't mind.

The space in the center of the stage that belongs to who she came to see today, completely empty. The bassist seems about to take the first verse when Sunset Curve lead guitarist and vocalist Luke Patterson appears on stage.

She has seen him multiple times in the hallways laughing with her childhood best friend, Alex Mercer and her lab partner, Reggie Peters, but she has never spoken directly to him. Still, it's hard not to notice how handsome he is and how much of a charismatic personality he has.

“I'm living my life just the way I like, they say I get a little too loud. Try to push me in a box, over analyze. But I'm never gunna turn it down”

His voice is enchanting and mesmerizing, a sound that immediately reminds her of the best rockers in history and his movements and energy are electrifying. In seconds the entire audience is jumping and dancing to the beat.

“They say never and I say right now!” Y/N analyzes him excitedly. The passion with which he sings and plays his guitar reminds her of when she is on stage, although the two of them dedicate themselves to totally different things, their love for music is the same. She definitely has a lot of work to do to polish him and make him the perfect performer she needs, but if there's anyone who can accomplish the impossible, it's her.

“No one's gonna stop me tonight! Thank you, we are Sunset Curve, tell your friends!” The presentation ends and Sunset Curve leaves the stage. The girl moves quickly to catch up with them at the back of the club, but when she finally arrives, screams can be heard from two of the members of the band.

“I know you don’t like me, Bobby. But trying to sabotage the show by giving me the wrong time is just the most stupidest thing you've ever done!” The guitarist looks furious, his muscles are really tense and Y/N can't help staring at his biceps way more than she probably should.

"This fight of egos between the two of you has to stop, we can no longer continue to be in the middle." The bassist cries out, tired of all the bickering.

“You no longer have to, Reggie. It’s time to decide. The lousy rocker or me. Remember that the money for the demo is mine before choosing... I'm not sure Patterson's lyrics can compete without the money to record them.”

The guitarist looks down at the ground, a mixture of anger and sadness on his face. Alex and Reggie turn to see each other for a second and then position themselves on either side of Luke, no sign of doubt on their faces.

“We’ll find a way without you. Let’s see If you find one without us.” Reggie declared with a little smirk. Bobby grabs his stuff and gets into his truck without looking back, completely furious.

"Some things Bobby was angry about are true and you have to improve them. You are not a solo artist, you are part of a band." Alex points to Luke as soon as the truck is out of sight, but before he can respond the blonde intercepts the girl at the door.

“Y/N?” The three of them turn to see her, Reggie smiles at her while Luke looks pissed off.

“Hey guys, I came to talk to Luke.” Luke frowns in surprise while the other two gape for a few seconds.

"Really?” Y/N turns with a murderous face towards her friend, who puts his hands in his pockets and begins to walk. “...Okay. Meanwhile Reg and I are going to figure out how to get the drums in Luke's car."

"If you come for an autograph please be quick, I don't feel like socializing." The guitarist declares to the wind, not wanting to pay attention to the stranger who approaches him in the middle of the alley, no matter how cute she looks.

“I’m not a fan.” She confesses in a firm voice, trying to measure the situation.

"Oh, then I'll go. See you later beautiful." He's about to leave when her voice stops him.

“Patterson, come back here!” There's something about her tone that makes Luke suddenly interested. He turns to see her carefully, her chin is up, her shoulders back. Her lips are press together and her eyes look determined and he can't help but admit that the confidence she projects is really doing something to him.

“2 minutes, firecracker.”

“I’m Y/N Y/L.” Faced with no comment from the guitarist, she decides to continue. “I need a male lead singer for my group and I think you might be the perfect fit, after I'm done with you, of course."

He’s unable to believe what he hears. “A band? I think you know pretty well I'm already in one.”

“It’s not a band, it’s a group. THE group If I can say so myself. Spectacular!” She affirms with the first smile he sees her that night, and he can't believe it is possible that she can look even more beautiful.

"Don't you think you're exaggerating a bit with the spectacular thing? At least tell me the name or what kind of band is." She rolls her eyes and he chuckles in response, thinking it was adorable and hot at the same time.

“I already told you, Spectacular! It’s a show choir.”

“Is this a joke? Did Bobby sent you?”

“No and no. I know it’s not really your style, but I’m telling you I can make it work. I heard a bit of the conversation you had with the band, the prize of Nationals is 10,000 dollars. I'm willing to give you half for the demo, if we win, obviously. And I can assure you we will if you accept and do absolutely everything I say.”

“Firecracker, are you trying to tell me that all I have to do to raise the money is put on some stupid cowboy or tiger-print outfit and humiliate myself in front of an entire audience with my best jazz hands? Wow, sounds like a dream!” Maybe he got a bit too sarcastic, but meh, as pretty as she is, she's still a stranger.

“My name is Y/N, and I'm not appreciating your tone of voice.” By this moment the girl seems tired of the musician, who feels the frustration in her and tries to be more gentle.

“I- I’m sorry. Thanks for the offer, but I don't feel as desperate yet as to end my reputation in that way. I hope you find what you are looking for, but that’s just not me. I'm just a guitarist.” She nods, entwining her arms against her chest. He admires her for a few more seconds and turns to his car, where his friends are already waiting for him to help with the drums.

Before getting behind the wheel he turns to her one last time, but she is nowhere to be seen.

Fights between Luke and Bobby weren't new to the band. The big-headed attitude of both collided practically all the time and things had been getting worse in recent months with the more overconfident attitude of the guitarist, but they never imagined that they would end up in this situation.

The days go by and the boys are running out of time. They have to deliver the demo to the Orpheum offices in two months so that they can be taken into account for the great concert they will hold at the end of the year presenting the best new talents in the city. All they've heard from Bobby is that he's trying to build his own band but without much success. Still, he doesn’t fold his hands and continues to try on his own.

The three remaining members of Sunset Curve are in Alex's room lying on the floor with their instruments around trying to think of solutions, when Y/N's voice coming from outside refreshes the blonde's memory. “What did Y/N want to talk to you the other day?”

“Who?” Luke narrows his eyes in confusion.

“Y/N? The captain of the school’s show choir? She went to talk to you after Bobby left the band. Small, fire in her eyes, a lot of attitude.”

“OH, Firecracker! So that group is our school's choir? that's even worse. She tried to recruit me, even offered me the money for the demo if we win the competition in which they will participate.”

“What? She wants you in Spectacular? What did you said?” Alex heard that his friend's ex-boyfriend broke up with her and joined last year's national champions, but he never imagined that she would try to replace him with someone like Luke. Luke is distracted by a melody and doesn’t answer his friend's question.

"Why does your mom always leave her music on when she leaves to work?" The music is definitely not his style, they are always usually pop songs or even songs from musicals, but the singer's voice is one of the most beautiful he has ever heard so it never bothers him.

“It’s not her music, is Y/N.” Alex responds, wondering what the young woman is up to since she is never usually home at this hour.

“Who?” Alex's eyes widen, not able to believe his friend.

“Really? I already told you!” The guitarist tilts his head and shrugs. “Firecracker?”

“What does firecracker have to do with this?” Alex opens his balcony curtains and the silhouette of a young woman singing and dancing through her transparent pink ones comes to their visions.

“She’s so good bro, I thought it was a record too.” Reggie looks at her with a big smile as Alex rolls his eyes at Luke.

As soon as he sees her, the musician is in a trance, admiring the grace and energy with which she moves, wanting with all his might to remove the pink curtain that does not allow him to see her properly.

The song ends and a well-known melody begins to play with prominent bass and drums. “Guys, shut up! I’m trying to hear her sing.”

“It’s not us, man.” Reggie answers almost screaming with how loud the girl’s music is.

“What do you-” Luke turns around and sees his friends with their hands raised, the cables finally connecting in his brain. "She is listening our song?"

"Not just listening, she's also destroying your career, her vocals are amazing." The black-haired boy adds, smirking and running to connect his bass.

Luke excitedly opens the balcony window and sings the pre-chorus as loud as he can to get the singer's attention. “Call me in the morning to apologize, every little lie gives me butterflies.” She immediately turns around and smiles at the guitarist's cocky smile. She opens the curtain and the window and her sunset curve t-shirt is the first thing the band notices.

“Something in the way you're looking through my eyes, don't know if I'm gonna make it out alive.” Luke sings seductively towards her, each word fully dedicated to the woman in front of him.

Reggie accompanies them with his bass while Alex looks at his friends incredulously, an "Are you fucking kidding me." Comes out of the blonde almost like a whisper when he identifies the shirt that the girl wears as his.

Both sing the chorus together and the chemistry is unquestionable. Alex had never thought of this two together because at first glance they seem completely different, but thinking about it a little more deeply they couldn't be more similar. They are both passionate, headstrong, live for the stage, and are ridiculously talented and confident.

“Fight so dirty, but you love so sweet. Talk so pretty, but your heart got teeth. Late night devil, put your hands on me. And never, never, never ever let go.”

The performance between the duo is playful, driving, sexy and intense and Alex and Reggie can't help but feel like they're interrupting a private moment. As soon as the song ends, the girl moves closer to the window, blows them a kiss and closes it.

"Where did that woman come from?" Luke whispers as he tries to catch his breath. Nobody had enchanted him so much just by singing, well, nobody had enchanted him, period. But she’s definitely something.

“She has been my neighbor since we were 6 years old, we used to be best friends but we both drifted apart when we entered high school. She’s amazing, the best performer in the city.” Alex informs him and then Reggie adds his own piece of valuable information. “She’s my lab partner. Fun, smart, beautiful, the whole deal. A true gem.”

“Answering your question, I said no to her offer. But I guess the group of someone this rad can't be that bad. And we really need the money." The drummer purses his lips and nods. His friend definitely took the hook.

"Honestly, I always wanted to audition, I guess the three of us could try in, to support you obviously."

“Of course man, she sounded desperate when she asked, and if the shirt and song is any indication she is definitely a huge Sunset Curve fan. She tried to fool me by saying she wasn't a groupie, as if that was possible after seeing us perform.”

His friends leave the house and Alex plays on the drums the secret signal he had with the girl when they were younger, a minute later the girl appears in her window with an amusing smile, dressed in her classic blue pajamas.

“Really?” The drummer chuckled and his friend’s smile grows even bigger, a little laugh leaving her lips. “The shirt was a nice touch. A little much, but that idiot must have fallen for it completely. I want it back by the way.”

“You can see right through me. You know the invitation is open, right? I would love nothing more than to have you there.” He has known her his whole life, and realized early on that she was just trying to get his friend's attention to reconsider her offer by raising his ego, and he honestly doesn't mind. It's about time Luke met someone of his caliber. Perhaps her influence could do him good.

“I- thank you. I guess we’ll see. See you tomorrow.” She blows him a kiss and closes the window. Tomorrow sure is going to be an interesting day, Sunset Curve joins Spectacular.

Having to face Spectacular! And telling them they still don't have a male lead singer who can compete against Damian was not easy. Her options are running out and she honestly doesn't know what to do to save them.

Damian on stage is the best, it pains her to admit that she has never seen anyone like him. At first she thought she could continue without him, but it’s becoming increasingly obvious that he is just impossible to replace.

Everyone continues to practice the routine, clearly discouraged after her bad news and it honestly breaks her heart. She knows how much the group means to everyone for different and personal reasons and she can't let them lose this. So whatever she has to do, she’ll do it so they can have the leader they deserve.

“I thought the children in the choir would have more energy, this is just sad, firecracker.” She hides her wide smile before turning to the owner of the voice, who is entering the auditorium with his best friends. Money really talks, otherwise she can't explain what would make him appear here.

“Dude, can you please play nice? This is important!” Reggie looks flustered and scolds Luke probably louder than he planned. The guitarist just ignores him and winks shamelessly at her. Seems her little plan from yesterday was successful, now she just has to play the situation in her favor.

“Mercer, Peters... Patterson. Can we help you with something?” The performer shows a perfect poker face, Spectacular continues to practice but they can't help but turn their attention to the rock band.

“I came to accept your proposal, but only If we can include Reggie and Alex in the deal. I guess as long as I’m in whatever I ask shouldn't be a problem." He crosses his arms and gives her a confident smile.

“I could actually do with a few more members, specially as talented as Reg and Alex. As for you, you've already turned down my offer Lucas, but if for some reason you don't graduate this year, make sure you audition the next one. Now, let’s start boys." Y/N moves within inches of Luke to gently close his open mouth with her index finger, and gives him a small wink before turning and taking the other two musicians each on each arm and pulling them closer to where the group is still practicing.

“Y/N, you can’t be serious.” The skilled singer continues to ignore him as she explains to her new members something Luke can't quite hear.

The musician frustrates and walks until he is directly in front of her. “Y/N” He groans.

“I'm not firecracker anymore? That is just sad.” Luke looks upset, but she's determined to not let him have what he wants after what he said at the club, so if he wants the money that bad he's going to have to prove it.

“I’m going to explain you something quickly so you can go and stop wasting my time. I’ve seen your band play, I know how good these two are at singing, which means I don't need you anymore, nor do I have to put up with your rockstar wannabee attitude. I need someone that I can connect with and have the chemistry that leaves everyone forgetting how to breathe, and after yesterday, I just don't think that's you.” Right now she is grateful to be such a good actress because yesterday's act melted her legs, even though they were separated by the balconies. This man is unreal, totally unfair.

"I do, I wouldn't be surprised if they kissed at any moment." The bassist whispers as Alex looks at him with an incredulous face, he just slowly shakes his head from side to side and continues to see the leader of their band and their new leader in a starting contest, is kind of an amusing sight since Luke is definitely not used to having to face someone like him.

“It’s like you said, you are just a guitarist. Thinking you could handle something like this was ridiculous of me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a group to direct."

Y/N hopes she hasn't pushed the rockstar too much, but remains firm in her tactics and turns to the others to continue with the rehearsal. She signals them to put the most similar song to the Sunset Curve sound that she can remember at the moment to make Alex and Reggie feel more calm and to see if she finishes catching Luke’s interest, who still doesn’t move from where he is with his eyes fixed on her, which she takes as as a good sign.

The moment the song start, both sunset curve members smile, and Luke's voice is heard from behind. “So you're the girl, I heard the rumor.” He sounds powerful and captivating and immediately sets everyone's eyes on him. She doesn’t give him the luxury of turning to see him, but he is not going to give up and in a quick and agile movement he turns her by the hand.

“Why don't you break my heart, make it hurt so bad. Come on give it your best, nothing less, I insist, I want it just like that.” The girl should have thought more about her choice before asking for a song like this. Every word that comes out of the musician's mouth is addressed directly to her with an intensity in his eyes and movements that should be illegal.

She tries to get out of his way but he makes it pretty clear that he's not singing to prove himself to the group, he's doing it to prove something to her. Specifically, to prove her wrong.

“Stare me down, intimidate me. Oh baby please you'll never break me.” He comes dangerously close to her, basically inches apart, his eyes fixed on her lips and smiling flirtatiously as he sings, his eyes glinting mischievously.

She enters the song so as not to make him feel like she’s defeated and starts dancing with him to the rhythm, their movements matching effortlessly as they move across the stage.

She pulls herself back as far as she can, but Luke surprises everyone by doing a body roll on the floor, his arms looking more gorgeous than ever in that sleeveless shirt as they take the full weight of his body without any problem, his eyes never losing contact with hers. All the girls start to do small screams while Y/N's cheeks turn red at her thoughts. He slides on his knees towards her and gets up as he puts his foot on her to make her lose balance and catch her right at the end of the song.

“Why don’t you break my heart.” They've been in a trance since the song started and it's like it's just the two of them in the auditorium. Their lips are almost touching, neither willing to give up eye contact or move from their current position, until the applause and shouts of excitement bring them back to reality.

“I have chemistry with everybody that I sing with, firecracker.” He whispers to her lips before shifting the girl's full weight to his right arm to raise his left one to her face and carefully close her mouth with his finger, winking with a cocky smile before lifting her up.

Immediately everyone begins to advocate for him with all kinds of arguments that ranged from how sensual he was to how much of a presence he had on stage. Her best friend’s comment is the one that catches his attention the most. "You have even more chemistry with him than Damian, I didn't think it was possible." That definitely sounds interesting.

Y/N pretends to listen to her teammates before saying Luke can enter the group. The truth is that she knew from the first moment she saw him perform with Sunset Curve that he was a star, but this facet without the guitar and irradiating passion from his pores was something that left her speechless.

Still, she knew all the work that would go into preparing the band and it really was exhausting. For them to understand that they couldn't just sing like they do at the club, that there are rules to follow, dance steps they have to learn, facial expressions they have to master, notes they have to hit perfectly, wasn’t easy but they succeeded.

Along the way, she regained her bond with Alexander, her friendship with Reggie grew stronger, and each day she felt closer to Luke. She has been practicing a duet with him for weeks now, and the chemistry that they have set to burn the stage more than once. It was hard for her to ignore how the guitarist's hands feel on her thighs as he lifts her or the way he wraps himself around her, breathing softly down her neck or brushing his lips teasingly over her cheekbone. Both are very physical to show affection so small contacts such as hugs or caresses, as well as small kisses on the cheek or hand were very recurrent. They had also gone out multiple times alone and with their friends, from the cinema, the park, to see them play, to small parties at home, to midnight talks.

Reggie was the one who had her alone the most because they were lab partners, but no matter how hard the bassist tried to get information from the girl, he never succeeded. The truth is that not even she knows what is happening with the guitarist, she is for the first time in her life letting herself be carried away and enjoying the moment, and she’s loving it.

Luke and Alex are in detention after the brown haired boy made a mess in the classroom by putting together a little concert with the help of the blonde, and as they die of boredom, his mind can’t help to go to her for the 14th time of the day. "How did she end up in the show choir?"

Alex is blank for a few seconds but analyzes the question and realizes who they are talking about. “Spectacular used to be the most important show choir in the country, led by her mother, may she rest in peace. Y/N always wanted to be a part of it and when she lost her, it became a goal. She suffered a lot to get to the perfect star we see today, especially because her father is rarely there since he works outside the country. She has practically had to face alone auditions, injuries, she had to learn to sew, comb her hair and put on makeup for the show, sing for hours her solos with no one to encourage her, without mention that the current director could not care less about the group and practically leaves all the work to her. That’s why she’s so be fearless, she kind of has to."

“I didn’t know.” The sight of Y/N as happy as ever with his mother when he took her home for lunch the week before appears in his memory. She looked radiant as she ate his mother's famous stew and listened to stories of little Luke as he gently stroked her thigh while songwriting with his other hand. When was the last time she got to experience something as homelike as that? Luke probably doesn’t want to know.

Alex's sad voice brings him back to the conversation.“I was supposed to be there, you know? At first I was. We were going to audition for Spectacular together, but that summer I met you and Sunset Curve was born, and I didn’t have the time anymore so I abandoned her. I knew how important it was for her to have me there, and I didn't even go to her audition. And do you know how many times she has reproached me? Not even one.”

Luke knows that Alex would never hurt her on purpose and that the situation was probably much more complicated than he expresses it, so he reassures him and lets him know that she loves him and is proud that he took his own path. As soon as the blonde calms down, he begins to tell him multiple stories about when he and the girl were kids, the songwriter takes out his journal and begins to add lyrics to the song he has been working on, more inspired than ever.

“You are falling so deeply for her, man. I’m happy for you both.” His friend comments to him while reading the verses written on the paper. He totally is.

“Bowling, nice. I'm going to finish you off, Patterson.”

“As sexy as your confidence sounds, I'm not going to let you win.”

“I'm pretty sure you've never gone bowling.” Alex adds with furrowed eyebrows.

“Your point is, Mercer?” She wrinkles her nose and sticks out her tongue. Reggie chuckles amused.

"How can you be so sure that you are going to win?"

“Oh, my dear cute blonde. I’m good at everything.” She makes a slight remark on everything with her eyes fixed on the guitarist, who chokes while blushing.

She smiles cheekily at him and confidently steps into the room, Sunset Curve behind as Alex and Reggie tease Luke for being completely whipped.

Happiness doesn't last long when the first thing they see inside is Damian Miller along with a couple of his new teammates. The moment their eyes meet, Y/N seems to melt, but not in the good way.

Her firm and perfect posture now all bent as she embraces herself with her arms and tries with the strength that has left to hold her gaze at the person who took everything from her without much more than an empty sorry.

When she feels the guitarist at her side again, she unconsciously stretches her hand to intertwine her fingers with him, who tilts his head to see their hands together and then to see her face.

She is not doing it to make Damian jealous, but to feel supported. And when Luke realizes it, he can't help not feeling angry at the boy in from of them. In the month that he has been with her, he has never seen her doubt, fear, or believe anything less than that she is unstoppable. And today for the first time ever he sees her intimidaded, and the fact that it's because of a jerk like this makes it even worse.

He rubbs her hand to make her feel less anxious and when she turns to meet his eyes, he brings his index finger to her chin and winks at her, hoping she gets the message. She seems to do it because she immediately smiles playfully and begins to look more relaxed.

The guitarist is aware that Damian was his firecracker's first boyfriend, and he also knows how much he betrayed her love and trust. No matter how strong the woman is, her reaction is completely normal and valid, and that she has the confidence to be vulnerable and let him be there for her means a lot to him.

“Princess.” Damian whispers as he moves closer to her, his eyes fixed on Y/N and Luke's clasped hands.

“I’m not your princess, Y/L is just fine. Listen, Damian. I could pretend this is not uncomfortable and boring but, I don't want to. So yeah, excuse us.”

She pulls the hand that joins her to Luke to make him walk and Alex and Reggie follow behind them, looking at her ex boyfriend with little smiles of pride. Alex knows how much Damian turned off Y/N’s spark and seeing her put him in his place makes him feel so proud.

"So someone is going to teach me bowling or what?"

“I’ll do it baby, but another day. Today we came here with a different purpose.” Luke points to the large Rock the World machine located in a comfortable corner space.

“Of course, is always about music with you, eh Patterson?” She smirks, getting a little closer to him.

“Pretty much, but I can tell that attracts you, Y/L.” He wrinkles his nose, his lips parting slightly.

“Hell yeah it does.” he smirks, not at all expecting her to admit it so openly but he definitely should have seen it coming.

“Good thing I’m into dominant firecrackers then.”

“Could you stop flirting for a second and start playing? I have plans to destroy Alex and your daily session of sexual tension is not going to ruin it.”

Both smile at Reggie while Y/N takes the games microphone and Luke the guitar. The song that Y/N chooses is She’s so gone by Naomi Scott, and it goes without saying that the boys have never played it in their lives but they love a challenge.

The mastery with which the girl interprets the song makes a good number of people come to see the round, including her ex-boyfriend and his new friends.

“Here I am, this is me, and I'm stronger than you ever thought I'd be. Are you shocked? Are you mad? That you're missing out on who I really am.”

The singer sings the verse directly towards Damian, as his friends start pointing out and teasing him. Reggie goes over to tell Luke he thought he would join her, but the guitarist only replies, "I want to see her shine."

She gets carried away with the music and draws Luke to her, jumping and twirling to the beat of the music. The guitarist hyping her up every single second og the song. At the end the night was incredible, the four of them spent it singing, dancing and even bowling, which Y/N ended up dominating from the second round.

Luke thought that there would be no better time than that night to show her what he had been working on, so after saying goodbye to her he went to Alex’s where he had left his journal.

Before he can say goodbye to the blond, screams are heard from the house next door. “I wasn't trying to embarrass you, Damian!”

“No? So what were you doing shaking your hips against the rock boy?”

“I don't have to explain anything to you, but I think it's pretty obvious why I wanted to be against that body, have you seen it?” She says it playfully with her eyes fixed on the guitarist, who is walking with the blonde to her door, her eyes glinting wickedly in the dark. He chuckles, knowing it's the girl's way of reassure him and she smiles as she sees his expressions relax.

“Everything alright, firecracker?” Luke does not stand in front of her like a brave prince, he stops a meter from both of them and asks before intervening, and that makes her heart melt. Because he wants to hear her first, he trusts that she can take care of it and has the confidence to tell him if she needs help, which is also completely valid. And it's something she has to work on, know that there are also times when it's okay to trust someone. That you don't always have to carry the weight alone.

“Go away, punk. My girl and I are in the middle of something.” The three of them start laughing at the ex-boyfriend's intimidation attempt, who seems to get angrier with every laugh that comes out of their mouths.

“I’m fine baby, but you guys could show him the way out? I’m tired of his bullshit.” She asks the boy with a cute smile, and he would disintegrate over the nickname if her horrible ex-boyfriend and her best friend weren't there.

"Don't touch me, I’ll go. Right now the numbers are not working in my favor so we will fix this where it really matters, on stage. Let's see if this attempt at a singer can save you from total humiliation, because let's be honest Y/N, you are nothing without me."

The faces of both members of Sunset Curve begin to tense, Luke's fists completely white from how much he's clenching them. For her part, the singer, who is already used to that type of comments from her ex-boyfriend, only tells him "yes, yes, you're right. It was a pleasure Dami, never come back." while pushing him to the other side to make him go away.

The nickname comes off her tongue in the most natural way in the world, she doesn't even seem to notice it and Luke feels some annoyance hearing it. As if someone had hit him in the stomach. But immediately the discomfort goes away when the girl turns to them again with a big smile and runs to hug them excitedly.

“Thanks for coming to check me out, guys. Things can sometimes get out of control with him.”

"We will always be there for you when you need us, okay? I actually went into Alex's house to get something I wanted to show you but it's late, I’ll come back tomorrow." The blonde turns from his friend to the other, a tired smile appears on his lips as he passes Luke his journal to place his arm on his childhood friend and lean on her.

"No, don't go please. Damian was pretty mad and... I don't want to be alone." She can be very dramatic at times but the fear in her voice sounds sincere, and remembering the scream that brought them outside in the first place Alex imagines how scared she really was before seeing them show up and his heart clenches at the thought.

“O- Okay, sure.” He sounds nervous but the excitement is evident in the way his left leg keeps moving, just like when he's on stage.

“I do have to go in, you already know mom. Will you be alright with just Luke?” He already knows the answer from the girl's radiant gaze but it doesn't hurt to confirm. She hugs him tightly with her arms around his neck and whispers a "Yes, I love you but go away already." which makes the drummer laugh out loud while high-fiving his other friend goodbye.

The third wheel enters his house and finally they are alone. She smiles and takes him by the hand to enter the house. Luke takes a moment to admire it, everything is in place but there are several instruments throughout the living room. A keyboard on the couch, a guitar next to the TV, even a tambourine on the table.

"May l?" He walks over to the guitar and turns to see the girl nodding and pointing up the stairs for him to follow. Her room is quite similar to her style, white is the predominant color but there are many details in pink and gold, as well as multiple yellow lights giving a romantic tone to the room at midnight.

“Do you want to show me now?” she asks eagearly, with joined hands, closed eyes and pursed lips.

“Y- yeah... of course.” He sits on the rug and puts the guitar aside, then puts his notebook between his legs and when he finds the sheet he is looking for, he carefully tears it off. The girl looks at him adoringly, the happiness of having him with her making her heart beat louder in her chest. She sits across from him making sure to brush his legs and waits for him to speak.

“Here.” He looks nervous, his cheeks totally flushed as he avoids eye contact for the first time since they met.

Y/N takes the sheet in his hands and a huge warm smile appears on her face when he sees the guitarist's terrible lyrics. BRIGHT written and highlighted several times in the title.

“It’s for you.” Luke whispers while bringing his face closer to hers, making her shiver.

“You wrote me a song?” She doesn't know what to say. Since her mom, no one had done anything so beautiful, considerate, and selfless for her. Something so vulnerable and full of love.

“Don’t be mad, but Alex told me a little about how you ended up in show choir, your friendship with him, your mom.” He turns to see her looking for her reaction, she just nods to tell him it’s okay to continue. “A sweet story about a little girl with the voice of an angel who loved to sing love songs. And you know what was in my head all that night? That even though I've never written one, I would write millions of love songs for you.”

Some tears fall from the girl's face, she carefully places the lyrics on the guitar and throws herself on the guitarist, who falls in surprise against the carpet, making sure to grab her by the waist so that she falls safely on his chest. She rests her arms on either side of his head and brings her lips against Luke's, brushing them gently.

Luke doesn't move a muscle, not wanting to do something to make her uncomfortable, when he suddenly hears her talk. “And what about teeth? I mean is not the sweetest love story ever told but-”

The boy chuckles, Y/N's curious eyes a few inches away. “Alex wrote that one after his first breakup, Reggie and I did the melody.”

“Good. Guess we’ll have to start making some experiences to help you write all that songs.” At that moment she finally pushes her lips against his, both in a moment of euphoria at the taste of each other. She presses her body against him and he bites lightly with his teeth on her lower lip to shove his tongue against her mouth in response. Her little hands pulling his hair hard as his hands go down her butt. Both of them enjoying what they had been dreaming of for so long.

When the two finally separate they fall in a comfortable silence, she starts to admire his facial features, delicately running her fingers through his nose, his mouth, his cheekbones, until he interrumpts her. “I knew you want me from the beginning, I could see the lust in your eyes. Everything about the choir was a complex plan to get me under you.” Luke affirms with his best poker face, and sees clearly how her eyes fill with light while a pure laugh escapes from her now swollen lips.

“And as always, I achieved the goal. The hot local rockstar is sleeping on my bed tonight.” No matter how hard he tries, he can never catch her off guard and he always ends up being the one blushing. She kisses him softly before getting up and taking the song lyrics back. “Luke, do you mind if I sing a bit of the song?”

“Of course not, it's yours. I will accompany you with the guitar, from the pre-choir?”

She nods and begins to sing the words he wrote for her. “Life is a risk but I will take it, close my eyes and jump. Together I think that we can make it, come on, let's run.”

She is reading the choir as she sings and the urge to cry reappears. He's basically telling her that she no longer has to go on living life alone, that she can lean on him, she can trust him to fight by her side. That it can be us instead of I.

“And rise through the night, you and I, we will fight to shine together. Bright forever.”

As soon as they finish singing Luke puts the guitar aside and goes over to wipe the tears from the girl's face. “I know that at first glance it doesn't seem like a love song, but..."

“But it is. It’s perfect, thank you Luke.” She didn't know that someone other than her could make her feel so special, but he proved her wrong, again.

The night before was like a dream. Y/N sleeping with his shirt while he wrapped her completely in his arms, singing softly in her ear and leaving little kisses on her neck every few verses until she fell asleep. At this point there is no way to deny how completely in love he is with her.

“Man, we need to talk.” His blonde friend wakes him up from his daydream and starts pulling him down the hall to an empty table in the cafeteria, where Reggie is already waiting for them.

They both sit down and Alex takes a deep breath as he plays with his fingers, trying to form coherent sentences with the words in his head. “Bobby called last night.” Luke's gaze instantly shifted to disgust, while Reggie looks quite shocked.

“So? What did he want?” Luke whispers, trying to sound disinterested.

“He sent some of our videos to an important person at Destiny Management and they are interested in the band. He said that if we comply with certain requests he will give the money for us to record the demo this Friday so that it’s ready for the appointment."

“And I guess you told him we don't need him or his money. What did he answer you? He cried?" the guitarist asks with an amused face, but his friends just look at each other.

“Don't you think we should think more about it? What happens if we don't win nationals? We’ll have lost something as sure as Bobby's deal for nothing."

“She’s my friend and I love her but I have to agree, Luke. As difficult as it is, our priority has to be Sunset Curve, not Spectacular"

“But-”

“They are right, Luke.” All three look at the girl, as pale as If they had seen a ghost. “Spectacular is my dream, And I know I'd do anything for it. It would be unfair of me to get angry because you’re fighting for yours. Don't hesitate, if anyone can find a way out of this it's me.”

“But, the duet...”

“I’ll just have to be the melody and the words. I’ll be fine, and honestly I'm so proud of you guys, I know you will be rock legends one day.” All three feel guilty but don't know what to say or do to make it right. She goes over to hug the drummer and the bassist who take her in their arms with all their strength, a “I’m so sorry” from the blonde accompanied by an “I know” from the girl can be heard. Then she stands in front of the guitarist and kisses his lips intensely, but breaking away painfully fast. The guys leave lovers alone for a moment of privacy.

“I believe in you, baby. You are destined to be a star, forget everything else, even me. Take the moment and knock them off their feet.” She kisses him lightly on the lips and walks a few steps back. “This month was the happiest of my life in a long time, thank you. Guess I’ll see you guys around.”

“Why do you sound like you are saying goodbye? And a horrible one? I thought you were good at everything.” Luke walks over to her again and places his hands on her cheeks, rubbing them gently. His voice is shaky and his eyes are glassy, she snorts at his sudden taunt, a little smile covered with the tears.

“Once everyone gets back to their own business, do you think you'll still have time for me? Alex is my damn neighbor, and we couldn't keep in touch.” And Luke gets it. She is used to being alone, to people not being permanent in her life. Neither her parents, nor her best friend, nor her boyfriend, nor anyone else has stayed. So this time to protect herself she decided that he too was going to leave, that it would be foolish to think that he of all possible people would stay.

“I‘m not letting you go baby, you're the only one I would let to boss me around.” The girl laughs when she remembers the millions of times she had to correct him and how he always ended up making her blush in some way, especially when they danced. She can't remember telling him but dancing with him has been the most special thing she has ever experienced. She danced with Damian for years and it never felt like the first time Luke put her long, strong hands on her waist and pulled her close to him. She can only hope to feel that way again one day.

“You are my one and only, firecracker. We’ll find a way, neither of us is a quitter.”

They say that actions are worth a thousand words, and Luke had definitely missed his first chance to show Y/N that he was serious about them by not getting in time to wish her good luck before she left with the group to the city of the competition, a few hours from there. He couldn't help but feel more miserable when he returned to the studio and found a small yellow sheet in his journal.

“You got this, rockstar. I have so much faith in you, so go make me proud. And I don’t want you feeling guilty, okay? I always want to see you shine, baby, no matter what. Your firecracker, Y/N.” Luke laughs softly, dazzled by her attempt to be sweet. If she trusts him so much, why doesn't he return the favor? She assured him they could win and when she says something, she follows through.

Why ruin his life with all of Bobby's ridiculous demands while ditching his girl in the process when he can go sing with her and do band things their way, without selling their soul to the devil. He sits on the couch thinking about what to say to the boys when they both rush in and pick him up, one from his feet and the other from his arms.

“What the hell are you two planning this time?” Luke sounds annoyed but does nothing to stop them from moving him, they throw him into the back of the car and he hits his head, getting him to kick them before they close the door.

"I'm not going to let her down again, I can’t."

"Yeah, and surely we can win, the number is spectacular... do you understand what I did there?”

Alex rolls his eyes and Luke smiles. They drive at full speed to Luke’s for him to take all his things and when he returns to the car, stands thoughtfully by the window.

“What are you doing?!” Alex is not having it, looks like a vein is going to burst from stress any second now.

“Do you think we’ll make it?” Questioned the guitarist, clearly nervous.

“If you stop asking stupid as fuck questions and get in the car, maybe.” Luke pouts but listens and finishes loading everything in the trunk.

The road is full of music to try to calm all the nerves, there was also plenty of time to rehearse the number over and over again, Luke analyzing in his mind every move he had to make, from time to time his bossy girl correcting him in his head. The only difficult thing was probably changing into the costumes, especially for Alex.

They arrive directly to register and the band turns pale when they hear the powerful and breathtaking voice of the singer who is playing her solo right now, a heavenly version of 'Never enough’. By the time they are ready to go, the main number has already started, the imposing woman in the very center of the stage with one of the boys of the group, who although does not have the voice of the guitarist, is making a good effort. Damian is on the other side, staring at her with a superiority smirk and Luke can't help but want to punch him.

“I never realized how anyone could make everything so right, I was so sad, you brought me back.” Alex quickly indicates to him how to enter the stage from the back, and Luke prepares to jump in time for the chorus, taking care of not being seen as he climbs the platform. The song is an old pop-rock song from the 80s, specifically chosen to make the guitarist's voice shine. He and his firecracker sat listening to music for hours until they finally found it, the girl's eyes shining with excitement as she imagined all she could do with the potential of the melody.

“You give me something to believe in, after all that we've been through.” He appears on the platform just in time, the lights and smoke coming out right in his grand entrance. Y/N turns immediately upon hearing her voice and he dances his way towards her.

“The love you give, it all comes back to you. You give me something to believe in, you can see the real me. And here with you is where I'm meant to be.” both singing together the remainder of the chorus and dancing to the beat. The biggest smile he has seen in his girl since he met her on her beautiful face. With that he feels satisfied with his decision, whatever happens, win or lose, it was worth it.

“And here we are together side by side, and nothing seems impossible tonight.” the duet between them is electrifying as always, he puts his hands on her thighs and lifts her with ease, both of them moving and enjoying themselves as if they were the only ones in the place. The dance ends as the first time they danced in the auditorium when he showed her that he was the right option, he holds her with one arm, their lips inches from touching but holding the magnetism back for a few more seconds until finally leave the stage.

As soon as they are backstage Y/N throws herself at Luke, wrapping her legs around his hips and devouring his lips with hers. “Someone missed me.” Luke whispers catching his breath.

"I can't believe you guys did this for me." Expressed the girl as she turns to see her other two friends, still wrapped around Luke who has her tightly held with his huge arms around her butt.

“We trust you as much as you trust us. We know that you will win, you worked like nobody for this moment.” Affirmed the blonde, giving her a small kiss on the forehead.

“I feel like I won already.” And she did. She won the trophy, the money for the demo, friends, and a ridiculously gorgeous rockstar who drove her crazy in more ways than one. All this years working hard were finally worth it... and Damian throwing a tantrum in the middle of the stage felt good too, not gonna lie.

“When are you going to ask me to be your boyfriend? As much as I love you more than anything, a man has to have some pride, you know? We've been together for like 5 months and I'm getting desperate.” They are both lying together on the girl's bed, their legs intertwined as he makes little circles with his fingers on his girl's stomach.

She raises her head resting her hand on his bare chest, her thoughts impossible to read. What are you talking about? I'm waiting for you to ask me!” He chuckles, prepared to tease her. “Bu-”she interrumpts him, pushing the hand that is resting on him to sit down. “Ba-”

“Wait a second, Lucas!” He bites his lip, he never liked being called by his name but for some reason it sounds incredibly sensual when she says it. “Yeah, baby?”

“D- did you say you love me?”

“I did, and I do. Everybody knows you've got me trapped in your claws.” He jokes to make her laugh, and he succeeds.

“I love you too, so much.”

“I know baby.” He winks teasingly at her. “Returning to the topic, you are the most bossy and confident person I have ever met, and you want to tell me that you were waiting for me to take the first step? Doesn’t sound like my firecracker. You literally pretended to be a sunset curve super fan to get my attention.”

"I totally did, I was awesome, first thing next day you were at the auditorium.” She says proud while Luke rolls his eyes with a smile. “But if it makes you feel better, I'm 100% a fan now, and...You are completely right, for once.”

She takes a deep breath, intertwining her fingers with his. “Lucas Patterson, I want you, if we're being honest, probably from the first time I saw you at that Sunset Curve gig we met at. You are annoying, cocky, passionate, and I love you with all my heart. Be my boyfriend... please.”

“There it is, that’s my girlfriend.” His eyes full of lust after hearing that she wanted him from the first night, he draws her closer to him to push his lips against hers, his girlfriend's tongue quickly dancing with his.

"Oh my god, we already talked about this, close the damn window, I don't want to hear it!” The blonde cries from his balcony, the couple can't help but laugh before joining their lips again.

Thank you for reading ✨

Taglist: @writerinlearning, @ghostofmgg @strangerthanfanfiction713 @thebloodthirstyvampress, @kinda-really-lost, @kcd15, @magnet-girl, @aliandthephantoms, @stxrkspidey, @pinkrockstar19, @s0uz4s, @shycupcakealissa @cookiebuba, @fangirlangioma, @sageellsworth05, @twist3dtinkerbell, @sunsetcurvenotsunsetswerve, @caitsymichelle13, @ifilwtmfc @luckylouiebug, @bibliophilewednesday, @totomoshi, @siennanoelle01, @lunashadow6955, @bookfrog247, @morganayennefertyrell, @kiss-themoongoodbye, @rachelle3musicals, @imsydneywalker, @really-dont-forget-it @agentstarkid @talksoprettyjjx @kaitieskidmore1 @lukeys-giggle @katie-navarro @crybabyddl @cocopuffs0211 @marvel-ousnesss @txrii @tuttigunner @dpaccione @justalittleweirdoo @mrstodorooki @averyharrypotterlife

[sunjaesol]

i’m getting old, it makes me reckless

canon compliant juke | angst | title: when we were young // adele

The band ended their last song in a clash of instruments and vocals, roaring above the audience yelling the lyrics right back. It was the biggest venue yet, the arena stretching far and wide and holding more people than Julie could imagine. Her throat was aching, but it was all worth it. Every note savoured. Every lyric tasted till it staled on her tongue.

It was the gig before she left for college, leaving a whole lot more behind than this arena with the thousands of adoring strangers.

All four were drenched in sweat. Alex, with his hands red from an insanely elaborate three minute drum solo. Luke, with his callouses aching and slick, barely holding on to the strings. Reggie, no longer wearing his leather jacket and hair come undone. Julie, glitter on her cheeks mixed with the sweat and hair like a raging lion. They looked and felt maniacal. They played the concert of the year. The absolute euphoria they experienced wouldn’t be gone for a while, though her blush would quickly fade.

Now, she could still pretend Luke and her were still together. Now, even Alex and Reggie were kept in the dark from their long dreaded decision. Now, the idea that she stood on stage with the loves of her life was enough for a satisfied smile to bloom on her lips.

“Thank you!”, she bellowed into the mic. The audience didn’t stop. Screaming, whistling, asking for more. Encore, encore, encore! They were all out of songs though, having played their anthem again when they asked for it the first time. Covers seemed like a lackluster ending to the night, the band members shooting each other doubtful looks. The finality of it all ached her.

Luke’s gaze caught hers; troubled, unable to keep the sorrow at bay. Had this been any other concert, she would’ve kissed him backstage and remind him that feeling empty after giving it his all was normal. That she felt that too. She wouldn’t do that though. And she also had an inkling his expression wasn’t about that.

Words pushed themselves out of her throat before she thought about it. “I have something. It’s a cover though. Do you guys like covers?”

Another salvo of applause and shrieks, a sea of phones getting whipped out to capture every move. Reggie approached her with a slight frown.

“What’re you thinking, Julie?”

She moved away from the mic. “Is it alright if I do a solo cover?”

His casual nod caused nerves to coil in her stomach, only now realising what she did. What she was about to do to herself. The bassist made a sign at the boys to get off stage, Luke’s fingers ghosting her back (not entirely, never entirely, she has never truly felt the atoms of his hands touch her) and following the boys into the wings.

Curiosity buzzed around the concert hall, Julie making her way to the grand piano on the left of the stage and attaching her mic in the designated stand. When she looked into void, it instantly quieted down. Her timid voice was like a sharp thread slicing the air.

“This next song, uh…” Swallowing back the feeling of loss that simmered right beneath her skin, she took a deep breath. A needle could drop, so silent everyone heard her pained intake. “I’ve taught it myself a while ago. It’s quite melancholic, but I’ve always been a bit like that, I guess.”

Her feet found the pedals, fingers the well-loved keys. The lights were hot on her skin, yet a certain person’s stare felt more fiery than anything else.

Julie took another steadier breath. “Thank you once more for a beautiful night, LA. This is ‘When We Were Young’.”          

The beginning notes caused another uproar from people recognising the song, lighters and phone flashlights flickering up one by one like stars. She sunk into the notes, let her hands find the familiar path as all she could think about was Luke. Every word would be laced with the memory of him.

He wasn’t gone, but he might as well had stolen her heart and vanished into the night with it.  

With her eyes shut, the first lyrics uttered melodically from her lips.

Everybody loves the things you do From the way you talk, to the way you move

(A fifteen year old Julie watched as the crowd ate up Luke’s guitar solo, the riff an electrifying ensemble of unique sounds that shouldn’t work but somehow did. He played it for them, but his torso was twisted her way, like his body couldn’t decide who he preferred. Back then, Julie presumed it was the crowd, obviously. Music was everything for Luke. Music and nothing more. Sure, that included her and the boys, but she had accepted quickly on she’d never claim that top spot in his heart. And she was fine with that. It hurt a little, except then she’d remind herself of her own love for music and what a gift it was playing in a band like theirs. To be the name people sought out online.

Luke shot some winks to the first row, dropping to his knees to get him even closer to the fans. Alex caught her eye when she turned around, rolling his good-naturedly. Luke being Luke, it meant.

“It doesn’t inflate your ego, does it?”, she teased hours later, slumped on opposite sides of the couch.

He scoffed, a smile edging his lips. “Are you jealous?”

“It is-” she pulled herself upright, brown peering into the curious green. “-merely an observation.”

“An observation.” He mimicked her, all of a sudden not so far away. Their legs were brushing and if she leaned in, she could kiss him. His head tilted, never one to stop teasing. “Right.”

The high of a good performance made her say it. “Do you want me to be?”

When he kissed her, she expected his lips to be cold. Ghost-cold. Instead, they were warm and soft, like in her dreams, and he smiled when she kissed him back - also like in her dreams. It had been short, the way his nose brushed hers a promise for more.)      

Everybody here is watching you 'Cause you feel like home, you're like a dream come true

(They quickly found an escape from the hysteria in Griffith Park. It was closeby Julie’s house and its sweeping nature left enough places for Julie and Luke to hide and be with each other without disturbances. It was a bit unorthodox for a teenage couple to burrow themselves in the forest, but she supposed she threw normality out the window the moment she decided she wanted to date a ghost.

Luke sighed, body dropping on the soft grass and pulling her with him. His beanie fell off, a pleased smile quirking on her lips as she raked a hand through his locks. It was always a cause for celebration whenever he got rid of the hat, the impending doom of baldness something she’d warn him about had he still been alive. Julie pushed the thought back. She couldn’t think that way. A finger curled around a soft strand of hair.  

His nose pressed in her cheek, coaxing her closer until she snugly fit in the curve of his body. Lips moved against her skin. “Can I keep you here? Screw homework.”

Julie chuckled. Her meandering hand sloped to his chest, circling the soft fabric of his sweater. “Unfortunately, calculus and I have a date tonight.”

“You’re seeing someone else?”, he gasped. “Julie!”

“I know.” His laugh reverberated, the sound melting into her skin as she pushed herself impossibly close. Adding, her voice was muffled: “Very sneaky of me.”

Luke’s arms fully wrapped around her, humming contently at their new position of having her half-sprawled on top of him. If it wasn’t for the slight flush on his cheeks, she’d think he completely cool about this. It made her smile. He may act all tough sometimes, but he was just as new to this as she was.

She tapped against the red. “The macho is gone.”

He rolled his eyes, though it held a glimmer of fondness. It was for her, she giddily remembered. The way he faltered in quiet awe, soft and timid, was for her. Reaching to kiss him, the blaring declaration that he was home rang in her head.

She didn’t tell him that. Ever.)    

But if by chance you're here alone Can I have a moment before I go? 'Cause I've been by myself all night long Hoping you're someone I used to know

(“Sixteen,” he bellowed. “Is there a song about being sixteen?!”

She laughed. “Ellie Goulding has one, I think. You wanna sing me a song about being sixteen-”

“Cause you are sixteen!” He hoisted himself on the grand piano, grinning at her from across the studio. She tried as best as she could to match it.

Birthdays have felt like taboo ever since the boys came into her life. She aged, they didn’t, and eventually they would have to disband. Eventually, everyone would notice how they were frozen in time. Eventually, she and Luke would be too far apart in ages.

Julie has dreaded her birthday since the first time her heart skipped a beat at the sight of him.

Sensing something was off, the frown replaced the grin. “You okay, Jules?”

“Yeah,” she dismissed, waving him off with an air of nonchalance. It was easy for her, something she became an expert in after her mom passed. “Just tired from school.”

He poofed in front of her, hands massaging into her shoulders. She couldn’t look at him. And then she said it anyway.

“Are you okay?”

The unsaid was clear, him stilling as his jaw locked in place. It was then that something cracked between them. Unnoticeable, like a small line in a ceramic cup. They were fine after, but never before had they stamped an expiration date on their relationship. Her simple question changed everything.

He coughed, struggling with the smile. It felt rehearsed. “Course,” he muttered. “I’m good.”)  

You look like a movie You sound like a song My God, this reminds me of when we were young

(He breathed into the kiss like she himself gave him life, hot and open-mouthed and tongues caressing to feel more. Her arms were wrapped around his neck, legs straddling his waist in the safety of her bedroom. He left no space between them. Flush together, fingers pressing into her back, breaths and grins mingling when they parted for air. How she got him breathless, she wouldn’t ask. The fact that he did, was enough for her. He never felt like a ghost to her. Not before they started dating and certainly not now.

Each kiss was like music to her ears. Each touch alighting her skin with sparks of affection and need.

“God, I love you,” he whispered.

Her dazzling smile stretched against his jaw, halting in place. She giggled. “You love me?”

Their eyes met, his hooded from passion as he slowly tracked her face. “It’s not obvious?”

“It is.” A tender kiss brushed his lips, thumbs swiping his cheekbones with that boundless devotion she never wanted to let go of. It was the most blissful feeling in the world.

Julie uttered it right back. “I love you too.”)    

Her voice exploded into an anguished belt, head rolling back as the lyrics flew into the sky. If she hit her notes, if she was making any sense, if the audience was worried - it didn’t matter. Julie needed this. This was her goodbye.

Let me photograph you in this light In case it is the last time that we might Be exactly like we were before we realised We were sad of getting old, it made us restless It was just like a movie It was just like a song

(Julie jumped on top of him in a sneak attack. Armed with her Polaroid camera, she swerved out the way from his grabby hands as she took shot after shot. Her laughing boyfriend snatched her by her side, fingers like spider tickling her until she relented with tears in her eyes. Strewn around them were the pictures, still processing.

“What’re you doing?”, he chuckled.

Julie plucked a Polaroid from her mattress and began waving it around. “You look so cute,” was her simple answer. His grin widened at that.

“Only now?”

“I wanted to capture you just like this. When-” When we’re like this, so goddamn happy and in love. “When you look all…” While Julie mimicked his face, Luke planted his hands on the mattress to pull himself up and give her a chaste kiss.

His smirk eradicated her previous thoughts. “Can’t make a silly face after I have sex with my beautiful girlfriend?”

She hummed, all mushy from his actions. “You can. That’s why I’m taking a picture.”

Luke kissed her again, letting that ‘silly face’ run free and craning his neck to watch the picture develop.

He cried when he didn’t appear. Another crack in the cup.)

I was so scared to face my fears Nobody told me that you'd be here

(An outsider looking into the Molina household would think there was funeral going on. An insider would be even more confused, as Julie Molina just got accepted into USC and rather felt like crying for three full days then celebrate with her friends.

It settled then. She’d go to college, like she always wanted, and have her life radically change once more - not like she wanted. The band was solid, she and Luke were solid. College would change everything. Alex assured her that it’d be fine, that minor adjustments wouldn’t ruin them, but Julie had her doubts.)

And I swear you’d moved overseas That's what you said, when you left me

(He hardly looked at her when she turned seventeen. She couldn’t blame him. Her doubts, fears stacking on top of one another at rapid pace, surged to the forefront. They were the same age. Tomorrow, she’d be 364 days closer to eighteen. Closer to being older, to surpassing him, to hitting their expiration date.

His troubled expression resolved a little later. Back to his bouncy, enthusiastic self, he showered her in kisses and dedicated all the songs at their gig in Raven’s Nest to her. The boys even sang her ‘Dancing Queen’ by ABBA, her appropriately dressed in sparkly flared trousers and matching top. Her fears were forgotten then. Later too, when she giggled as he pulled her into a laughing kiss, the glitter of her clothes staining his own.

Luke was so alive in that moment. Sweat brimming his forehead and buzzing with adrenaline and each kiss rougher than the next. He was real, real, real, real, real, real.

The lie brought her temporary comfort.)

Julie repeated the chorus, body trembling from all the memories hitting her at once. Soon, the numbing final strike would bring her ease. For her sake, for his, for the band. The refrain flowed through.

When we were young When we were young When we were young When we were young

(“What about ‘when we were young’?”, Julie proposed, blue pen pressed into her songbook. Luke sat next to her, slouched against the front of the couch as his eyes were fixed on the ceiling, mustering for the muses to gift them genius lyrics.

“When we were young?” He chuckled. “That’s a joke, right?”

She paused, pen clenching between her fingers as her head turned to look at him. “What?”

He caught her tone, straightening his back with a shrug. “Nothing.”

“No, why do you think that was a joke?”

They’ve been on edge ever since her dad bought her all the USC merch the online store offered. The sea of red draped across her room got him upset, once his favourite colour now his biggest enemy. It wasn’t like they were trying to hurt each other, but…

Julie didn’t know what to do anymore. Songwriting was their usual remedy and even that didn’t diffuse the tension. She wished her mom was here, for advice, except would she be able to give proper words of wisdom when a relationship with a ghost was unprecedented?

All she wanted was go back to the start, when flirtatious jabs were thrown around and they danced around each other. To kiss him for the first time again. She wanted to go back and then continue to go back every time they hit this point. To love him in a loop; to not age.  

He sighed, scribbling an annotation in the margin. “Do you really want me to answer that, Jules?”

Her lips thinned. “No.”

She taught herself the song she was singing right now that night, after he and the boys went off with Willie to some obscure concert. When she woke up the next day, he apologised for his shitty behaviour. It became harder to let love lead when cracks met them at every corner.)

It's hard to admit that everything just takes me back To when you were there, to when you were there And a part of me keeps holding on just in case it hasn't gone

A choked breath caught the fragile note, barely audible for anyone but her.

‘Cause I still care, do you still care?

(“Jules, you’re going to college in a week. You’re gonna turn eighteen and you’re gonna meet other people and you will not wanna tell them you’re dating a hologram that doesn’t fucking age!”

The raging spiel left him in one breath, face red and tears spilling with each hitting word. His shouts were heavy and tinged with devastation. The studio, once a safe haven, was now a warzone. He’s been sitting on those ugly truths for a while, Julie realised, willing herself to not cry. They had the biggest gig of their lives in a few hours and she couldn’t fuck up her face.

Luke didn’t mean to do it either. Both were hyper-focused the day of a gig. Normally, at least. It was simply a cardboard box too many in her bedroom, another proud comment from Ray, another nostalgic remark from Reggie. The fears stacked up for him as well; she should’ve known he’d explode sooner than later.

Her quivering lip gulped back the nausea edging her throat. She couldn’t breath. “You don’t think I know that? I was just- I just-” A traitorous tear slipped out. “I was hoping we’d have more time. Why did it go so fast?” Why did our expiration date race us to the finish line?

Her boyfriend she loved with all her heart stood right in front of her, yet it felt like they were oceans apart.

Trembling hands slid up her arms to her shoulders, pulling her into a tight hug. Tearless sobs wracked her body, jaw slack in agony as his action was enough confirmation. This is the end, it meant. They have reached their last chapter. He made up his mind and she wasn’t allowed to change it.

If she did, they’d burn the band with them too.

“I’m sorry,” he cried, face wet with tears pressed into her neck. “I’m so sorry, I’m so fucking sorry.”

Julie gasped for air. “Don’t. Don’t apologise.”

He shook his head, blotched and with a look she never wanted to see again. “If I could change anything, it’s this, Julie. I want to be alive for you so badly - feeling it isn’t enough anymore. You deserve better.”

Furiously blinking, she felt moisture cling to her lashes. “I deserve you,” she warbled. “I love you.”

When he didn’t say it back right away, another tear smeared across her cheek. Her mouth shaped into a please, but he shook his head, shuddering with remorse. “You deserve to be loved out in the open, Julie. Not just in the dark.”

“Please, Luke,” it barely came out, pain squeezing her lungs. “Please. You’re real to me, you’ve always- it was never in the dark.”

He let go of her. The loss of contact made her freeze. His arms hung limp by his sides. Time, for one singular moment, stood still. Her wish came true. Why did it feel like he just disappeared right then and there? Julie bit her lip, waiting for it to happen. It didn’t, but she didn’t dare touching him in case the magic was lost. Luke seemed fearful too, his shivering breaths like knives on her ears. She left before he could say anything else.

Julie wailed and redid her make-up in the backseat of her car until it was time to go.)

The rough vibrato pinched her throat once more, pushing through for the final chorus.

We were sad of getting old, it made us restless Oh, I'm so mad I'm getting old, it makes me reckless

(The year prior, Julie plucked his maroon henley from her bedroom floor as Luke was sound asleep behind her. She shrugged it on and examined herself in the mirror. If she could have it all, she’d wish to never age, to never surpass seventeen and be with Luke forever.

If she could have even more, she’d wish to grow old with him. It was a scary thought to feel so confident about at sixteen, but Julie knew. She just knew. A gut feeling should always be allowed, her mom used to say. This was it.

Julie wished she could do this every day. Stealing his shirt and seeing it fray over time. She wanted stains and holes and fabric thinning from washing it so much. She wanted messy. She wanted real.

Crawling back in his embrace and placing a soft kiss on whatever skin she found that early in the morning, she wished for him to be real until she fell back asleep.)  

It was just like a movie It was just like a song When we were young

The last note settled into arena like a heavy blanket, everyone watching with baited breath as the wrecked singer stumbled out of her seat and muttered another thank you. Her shaky smile didn’t waver while the deafening applause washed over her. It was when she reached the wings and noted the horrified looks of Reggie and Alex, that she realised Luke wasn’t with them.  

“He just…” Alex’ foot swiped across the floor where Luke once stood, aghast. “He crossed over.”

They were always selfish loving one another. To fall, to love, to be in love. The inevitable never stopped being inevitable, and yet they trucked on. Maybe they had become cocky, thinking their hearts were stronger that they actually were. It was all too apparent now. Her heart wasn’t this spiritual thing. It wasn’t made of fairy dust and magical ghost powers. It was made of flesh and blood and it was bleeding.

Luke’s never would.

The arena lights dimmed.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

@blush-and-books @willexx @bluefirewrites @ourstarscollided @sophiphi

[cultofbeatles]

beginners guide to the members of led zeppelin (kind of)

a disclaimer before anyone starts reading: we all know led zeppelin is shady as hell and we hardly ever get anything confirmed or denied around here. so some stuff is up for speculation. everything in this post are things i've read in books, heard in interviews, or got from some other source. when it comes to “facts about led zeppelin” sometimes you gotta take it with a grain of salt. but honestly it’s led zeppelin we’re talking about, anything is possible. also this is all in good fun and giggles. with that being said, let’s get started with introductions to the members themselves.

jimmy page 

james patrick page 

born on January 9, 1944 

he’s a capricorn sun, cancer moon, and scorpio rising so you just know he’s a crazy motherfucker 

was an amazing session guitarist and basically everyone wanted him 

went to art school bc he’s just talented at everything i guess 

if you didn't know already he played the guitar for Joe cocker’s ‘with a little help from my friends’

declined his first offer to join the yardbirds but later decided to join 

was the last member to leave the group

basically was the leader of led zeppelin 

was gifted a telecaster guitar by his friend jeff beck and he adored it 

and he painted a cool dragon design on it 

played on it for the first led zeppelin album 

when he was on tour one of his friends painted over his dragon design and ruined the guitar 

he produced all of led zeppelin’s albums and is responsible for the remastering of those same albums 

paid for led zeppelin’s first album to be produced with his own money

deadass would have whips and handcuffs around with him on tour for the groupies 

but was apparently an amazing lover and cared for the people he slept with

one time he got naked on a food cart thingy, put whip cream over his body, and had john bonham push him into a room with groupies in it 

has such a small and soft voice 

was fascinated in aleister crowley and his work

would collect crowely memorabilia 

even bought crowley’s boleskine house 

had a bookstore at one point so he could get books easier 

struggled with addiction to drugs for most of the seventies 

went on a liquid diet late seventies and refused to eat solid food 

he got really skinny bc of it :( 

miss pamela (one of his girlfriends/lovers) once said that jimmy cried on the phone to her over her playboy photoshoot lmaoo

once flied pamela’s pet raccoon in first class 

allegedly had a relationship with lori maddox who was about 15 years old 

laughed as two of his girlfriends were fighting each other 

was kind of constantly nervous about his and the band’s image

has amazing guitar solos and improvisation but damn sometimes they drag on foreverrrr

deadass scared the shit out of david bowie so much that he had his house exorcised and would avoid jimmy at parties 

we love demons 

zoso

he’ll never tell us what zoso means and I'm mad

had two people die in his home. one was a friend who died from a drug overdose, and the other was john bonham when he died from choking on his vomit.  

has been accused for the deaths of john bonham and robert plant’s son karac bc of that stupid “curse” rumor

deserves critiques for several things but doesn't deserve hate for that 

has been through a lot and come out pretty okay

produced his current girlfriend’s, scarlett sabet, spoken poetry vinyl 

check out scarlett’s work bc it’s amazing

would probably always be down for another led zeppelin reunion 

robert plant

robert anthony plant 

born on august 20, 1948

this is the most attractive man ever. do not argue with me. 

nicknamed percy 

wasnt jimmy’s first pick for a singer 

jerry reid suggested robert to jimmy. and when jimmy asked what he looked like jerry said, “like a greek god.”

jimmy thought something was wrong with robert when he first found him bc he was such a good singer and hadn't been signed yet 

after a practice together jimmy knew he had his singer 

he would call robert “the young guy with the powerful voice.”

he thought about leaving the band early on bc he was so nervous about being in it 

convinced john bonham to join the group bc they were the bestest of buddies 

he’s not credited on the first album bc he was still under another contract 

started song writing for the second album by jimmy’s memory 

it didn't take long for him to gain confidence and start owning the stage 

once when he was performing a dove flew in his hands 

there’s an audio of him singing john bonham happy birthday and it makes me so happy 

he would call himself a greek god 

would party with john bonham a lot 

kind of the hippy of the group 

moans moans moans and even louder moans into the microphone 

would wear women’s shirts and looked amazing in them 

nurses do it better 

not to mention his super tight jeans 

we all know his dick is huge and he’s just showing it off 

has the prettiest, fluffiest blonde hair 

and the sweetest smile 

can you tell that i find him attractive yet?

has a fear of earthquakes 

also supposedly had some sort of a relationship to an underage groupie named sable starr (14)

also has a fear of led zeppelin nowadays 

either fear or amnesia 

it’s likely that he’s the reason we’ll never get another led zeppelin reunion 

though a close friend thinks that if the show went to charity robert would probably do it 

robert loved john bonham too much to play in led zeppelin without him

and i respect that a lot 

no matter how much he’s offered for a show he turns it down every time

in 1975 he got in a severe car crash and ended up being in a wheelchair 

still went on to record zeppelin’s album 

once while recording on crutches and started to fall and jimmy apparently zoomed in to save him. robert never saw him move that fast before

his five year old son (karac) died from a sudden stomach illness while he was in america on tour

absolutely crushed him 

was deeply upset that neither jimmy page or john paul jones reached out to him during that time of his life 

john bonham was there for him though 

robert apparently never forgave them for that 

a car he was working on fell on top of him and crushed some of his ribs as well 

late seventies was not a good time for robert plant 

but he got through it all like a champ

hates stairway to heaven with a passion lmao  

one time he paid a radio station a shit ton of money just to make sure they'd never play stairway to heaven again 

almost didn't sing stairway for the 2007 reunion but ended up agreeing to it after all 

he said he breaks out in hives when he has to play that song 

he and jimmy made their own symbols. robert’s is the feather inside the circle 

in 2007 he won beard of the year 

john bonham

john bonham 

born on may 31, 1948

nickname is bonzo

oh boy, there’s a lot of stories about bonzo 

he was known as the nicest and sweetest guy ever 

unless he was drunk 

he drank a lot :/

denied jimmy’s offer to join the group and continued to deny it until robert convinced him 

once flew the starship (led zeppelin’s plane) even though he didn't have a license to 

hated touring so much 

he always missed his family 

so he drank 

he was so damn crazy when drunk that the other members would book rooms floors above where his was so he wouldn't disturb them

tore about his hotel rooms like no other 

he has a son named jason bonham who he loved a lot 

bought him a nice drum kit when he was younger 

jason is just about led zeppelin’s biggest fan next to jimmy page 

one time bonzo broke a girl’s vibrator when drunk

also punched a girl in the face when drunk once bc she waved at him 

partly responsible for the famous mud shark story where a girl was apparently fucked with a dead shark by him and zeppelin’s tour manager 

liked cars a lot 

really really loved his family. cannot stress it enough

was irked that john paul jones got out of playing shows during the christmas holiday and he didn't 

punched robert in the face once too 

him and john paul jones equals the best rhythm section ever 

jimmy would call it magic how well him and bonzo got along 

bonzo could handle anything jimmy threw at him 

he wasn't really a part of it, but he had to go to jail bc peter grant and two other dudes almost killing a man (long story omfg, but apparently the doctors had to put the dude’s eyeball back into his socket)

was there for robert when karac died 

they were really good friends 

there’s an interview with them together where bonzo is laughing at robert about his little farm 

gave good hugs apparently 

played drums like no other could and knew he was good 

but still sometimes got insecure and got upset when someone he looked up to said his drumming wasn't all that special 

his symbol is the three rings and he picked it out of a book like john paul jones did his 

he died in jimmy page’s house (not the crowley house btw)

he had to drink the equivalent of 40 shots of vodka and choked on his vomit in his sleep 

led zeppelin died on the same day 

nobody can replace john bonham 

his son filled in his role for the 2007 reunion show and did an amazing job of it. the whole show is on youtube, go check it out

john paul jones

 john richard baldwin 

born on january 3, 1946

nickname is jonesy 

was also a session guitarist like jimmy 

they had worked together before 

when he found out jimmy was forming a group he called jimmy and was basically given the spot immediately 

not only was the bassist but also the keyboardist 

and could play the recorder 

insanely talented. put some respect on his name 

he talks in italics i swear to god 

i don't have mainly crazy stories about jonesy bc he wasn't about that life 

deadass he would go on stage, perform, walk off stage and go to a whole separate hotel from the other

he would only tell one person where he was at and told them not to call unless for super urgent emergencies 

pissed peter grant off so much lmao 

wasn't really super close to anyone in the band tbh 

but bonzo was probably his greatest friend in the band 

jimmy and robert kind of leave him out in my opinion 

or they use to 

when he found out that jimmy and robert were making their own symbols instead of picking out of a book like he was he said “of course!”  and laughed 

was pretty much left out of the live aid show 

he had to squeeze himself on the stage and wasn't even able to play bass. he had to play the keyboard 

“and thank you to my friends for finally remembering my phone number” -savage as hell john paul jones 

he was one of the two people who found john bonham dead 

it’s sad to think about

is actually quite funny

he has this kind of dry humor?? idk but it’s amazing 10/10 content 

when john paul jones walks into the room interviewers break into a sweat

managed to look like a completely different person every year throughout the seventies or is it just my eyes?

has an Instagram account now go follow it for cute throwback photos lol

that’s all i really have for generic useless information about led zeppelin members for beginners. i hope it was somewhat entertaining. i'll make some more beginners stuff for led zeppelin. i will make y'all stan them lmao. i'm tagging @babygotblueeyes​ bc i know for a fact you want to get into them <3

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

Evanescence: “Guitarists need to be honest. Use your voice. We don’t need fake – we need humanity and real people”

Jen Majura and Troy McLawhorn wax lyrical on the high-octane gear, influences and themes behind the band's upcoming fifth album, The Bitter Truth

The Bitter Truth, the fifth full-length from Evanescence set for release in March 2021, will be their first album of new material in a decade. The American arena group led by singer/keyboardist Amy Lee had already released three singles, though the record’s completion was stalled by the virus pandemic that dominated headlines for much of the year.

The first sessions took place at the beginning of 2020 with rock super producer Nick Raskulinecz [Foo Fighters, Rush, Alice In Chains] in his Nashville studio, spawning the tracks we’ve heard so far – Wasted On You, The Game Is Over and Use My Voice. Then, of course, came Covid, putting an end to safe travel and forcing virtually all plans to change.

For the members in America, it was incredibly problematic. For German guitarist Jen Majura, who joined in 2015, it was an absolute nightmare. Nevertheless, the group kept chiseling away and fleshing out their parts for album number five.

When Guitar World tracks down Majura and co-guitarist Troy McLawhorn towards the end of 2020, things are still very much in the process of being finalized...

Looking back now, that session in Nashville must feel like a very long time ago!

Majura: “Definitely! What hit me so hard was that we’d recorded that first chunk of songs and waved goodbye at the airport, thinking we’d be back in a couple of weeks. And then suddenly this pandemic hit, airports were all shut!

“I had never felt more apart from my friends in the States than since this all started. It’s so unnatural for me not to be there! I’m very old-school – I like my tube amp and 4x12 cabinet. I like to sit in the studio with the humans I’m working with and creating in the moment.

“Being away from Amy and the boys while working on material has felt so unnatural to me, but that’s the we have to do it and we have to make the best out of it. The time we spent with Nick in Nashville was the happiest ever.

“It felt amazing to see these songs coming to life – you have this idea but when you are all in a room creating, things change and become better, you end up trying out different ways. It’s such a vibrant and beautiful way of working. But I get it, there’s this thing called corona, so you know…”

This will be your first album working together on new material. How do you go about splitting guitar parts?

McLawhorn: “Whenever we’re jamming, if someone comes up with up something cool, they play it. There’s no set thing. So far I’ve probably played the majority of the lead guitar – if Jen comes up with something she is always welcome to play whatever it is. It’s a good working relationship. The first batch of songs, the first three that came out, were done in one session before the coronavirus hit. We were all together for those ones.

“But then Jen flew home back to Germany and we were supposed to tour in Europe, but it all got cancelled. Everything we’ve done since then has been without Jen with us, we’ve been kinda flying sessions back and forth. I probably played a lot of the guitar on the album, but she’s been coming up with cool ideas and putting her stamp on it too.”

The Game Is Over definitely feels like the heavier side of Evanescence…

McLawhorn: “There’s a lot of good stuff like that on this one, stuff that people will be surprised by maybe. There’s a fair amount of that aggressive type of music, but it’s a good mixture. So far everyone’s heard the lighter side of the album, like Use My Voice and Wasted On You… but then there’s The Game Is Over. It was a lot of fun to play and there’s more heavy stuff on there too!”

Majura: “That bridge is so heavy, I love it! It’s going back to the real rock roots and having lots of fun. When you have a low-tuned guitar you have to be a bit careful – you can’t just smash your strings but they will warp a bit.

“I remember forcing myself, especially during the bridge, to play gentle even though it had this badass attitude. It took me a couple of takes… the first ones were completely out of tune [laughs]!”

Jen, it must have been a rollercoaster five years for you. How did you end up getting the gig?

Majura: “What happened was that I was playing bass in another band, not really being happy as I’m a guitar player. We happened to play two festivals, one in Germany and one in the Czech Republic. And it turns out Testament were playing the same days as us.

“I’m a huge Alex Skolnick fan, so we ended up talking and keeping in touch. A couple of days later, I got this very mysterious email from him saying, ‘Jen! Some friends of mine are going to contact you and I can’t reveal too much but I think it’s something you should say yes to!’ I was wondering what the hell he was talking about…

“And then a day later, I got this email from Evanescence’s management asking if I would be interested in… and I didn’t even finish reading the email. I just immediately replied ‘Yes!’ and sent it. That was a total no-brainer.

“So this was around July 2015 and the next evening I was on the phone with Amy talking. She invited me to come visit her in New York and hang out. I thought, ‘Okay… cool!’ and three days later I was on a plane flying to fuckin’ New York wondering if this was really happening. It was insane.”

Did you bring your guitar?

Majura: “I didn’t! I asked her if I needed to bring one and she said, ‘Nah, I know you can play, I’ve seen plenty of videos – let’s just hang out!’ And that’s exactly what we did for the next three days. Hanging out, long walks and talks, going out for dinner or to a concert. Becoming friends and getting to know each other on a more human relationship kind of base.

“I realize now that’s the biggest deal when you have to replace a member. A band is a family. I’d like to quote Rob Zombie on that, because he said it in the movie Hired Gun!

“Finding a good player is the easy part – the world is full of virtuosos. You also need someone who can commit to touring, being on the road and that whole lifestyle. The third and last thing, also the toughest, is that you need people you can stand hanging out with 24/7.

“Concerts are only 90 minutes – what about all the other hours in the day? You need to all fit together. Within those first few days with Amy, I realized we both had a strong work ethic and know exactly what we want, which is beautiful.

“She’s a very strong character. I appreciate her musicality and personality too, she quickly became one of my best friends because we laughed about the same things and then figured out we both love Sex and the City [laugh]! I am so grateful and thankful to have experienced everything I have with her and the boys.”

Troy, you’ve been a member of Seether and filled in for Sevendust on some tours, but you’ve been an on/off member of Evanescence for over a decade now…

McLawhorn: “Yeah, to be honest, I never really left Evanescence. We have big breaks between albums. When I did my first tour with the band, Amy told me she was taking a long break, probably around four or five years. I just went out to find something to do in the meantime and ended up playing in Seether for a few years…

“When it was time for me to leave, it coincided with Amy being ready to do another album. And it was a huge coincidence. I ended up in New York and went to Amy’s house. I was having trouble in Seether and wasn’t happy there, and she said she’d love me to come work on the new album. That’s how it all went down.

“There seems to be some pretty long breaks in between albums with this band but I think that’s part of Amy’s creative process. She likes to take her time when she’s writing the lyrics. The final product always turns out really nice that way, so why mess with it?”

What can you tell us about the gear responsible for the guitar sounds on this album?

Majura: “I signed up with Synergy Amps in November last year. When I joined, I think Steve Vai was the only big name working with them, but I figured if it’s Steve Vai it’s gotta be fucking great. So I went over to check their amp out and I was very skeptical. It looks like a tube amp but with all these holes and parts missing!

“But I plugged in, hit one chord and realized it was actually phenomenal. They’ve sent all the different modules to me, like the Diezel, and the perfect solution for me was the Friedman HBE. It has the perfect rock and roll sound for my solos but it also has the mighty depth of high-gain stuff too – which are all frequencies you need for Evanescence.

“I was originally expecting I’d go with the Diezel one, but the Friedman felt more right for me. I’m very open-minded when it comes to technology. You have two modules, each with two channels, so you get a four-channel amp made out of your favorites.

“For example, I could combine a Vox AC30 Brian May sound with a Diezel VH4. It’s phenomenal what they’ve managed to open up for us musicians in terms of sound options. It’s been my tour rig and studio rig ever since.”

McLawhorn: “I used a combination of different things on this album. On The Game Is Over, it was basically my live setup which is an Orange Rockerverb 100, with an analog pedalboard.

“A big part of the tone I get from the amp comes down to a 10-band EQ I use to boost the mids on the lead channel. That’s about it – I don’t really use overdrive pedals or anything like that and probably use less gain than most modern guitarists. I almost use EQ to find a modern sound, instead of more gain.

“I also have a Fractal Axe-Fx III, which I’ve used here and there on the album, especially for clean parts – it’s really good for that. I’ve done some overdubs with the II as well, stuff that has a lot of effects or sounds really wet – Axe-Fx is great for that, too. I also have a 1969 Marshall Superbass 100 which we split with a Bogner Ecstasy or Uberschall, and used for the rhythm tracks on a couple of songs.”

And how about for guitars?

Majura: “I’ve been with Ibanez for many years now and I’m very happy. They deliver the most perfect instruments. You pick up an instrument and either like it or not. Some of them seem to instantly merge with your system – you become one – and that is true of most Ibanez guitars, at least for me.

“Of course I’ve played Les Pauls and other things, but they’re really not my style. I have so many Ibanez guitars now. I think the AZ series was such a smart move – the family is even bigger and better now… Look at players like Tim Henson, who is just amazing. He makes me feel so old. He’ll be nailing it and I’m at home just playing along to AC/DC or something!

“For pedals, I stick with the Line 6 Helix pedalboard because I remember at my first rehearsal in 2015, they would tell me certain parts would need a chorus or flanger or this or that. At the end of the rehearsal I had a battery of pedals in front of me and realized I couldn’t do it. I’ve never been a pedal dancer. I went to Line 6 asking for a solution and they were just about to come out with the Helix… it was perfect.”

McLawhorn: “I was using a baritone PRS SE. I changed the pickups out, but that’s it – I love the guitar and how it plays. I tried a few different sets, most by Seymour Duncan. One of my seven-strings has a Seymour that my tech put in on the road and I don’t know which one it is! He just found it in my guitar coffin and asked if we should throw it in. It stayed for the rest of the tour – it was probably a JB, who knows!

“But the one on the record is the Distortion (SH-6). I really like how they sound. At first, they were a little hot for what I like – I tend to prefer somewhere in between modern metal and classic rock. It felt like really high gain, way too much, especially when switching from my other guitars. But he really lowered the pickup down and that fixed everything, making everything super-tight and adding some nice mids.”

Use My Voice has a really powerful message behind it…

Majura: “Yes! Another thing that connects me and Amy very strongly is that we both went through moments in our careers where males would tell us, ‘You’re just a girl – what do you know?’ It’s time for strong women – in rock or wherever – to stand up and say being good at a craft has nothing to do with gender. It’s been happening for way too long.

“That feeling of our voices being suppressed needs to change, because every voice matters. We’re all the same. It does not matter if you are male or female or transgender… humans are humans. I think we should spend more time understanding why we’re the same. Use My Voice is an important message for women to stand up and be heard.”

Where do you think your influences differ as guitar players?

Majura: “The first guitar hero I had at around 10 or 11 was Steve Vai. He was so revolutionary in terms of what he’s done for the guitar world, both sound-wise and crafts-wise. Electric guitar wouldn’t be what it is today without Steve Vai.

“I respect him so much for how he feels and talks through his instrument. He’s influenced my thinking about a lot of things. He’s an amazing person, not just an amazing musician.

“Then I got into Nuno Bettencourt, who plays for the sake of the song instead of showing off. Which is what I tried to do on my first solo album, Inzenity, everyone expected a shred album and it wasn’t. I played for the song. If it didn’t require a guitar solo then fine, I’d just leave it. I didn’t need to prove to the world how good I was.

“Nuno also has the percussive style of playing, which brings this tone that I really like. And finally, Angus Young. I’ve been playing in an AC/DC tribute band for four years and I love his playing.”

McLawhorn: “A lot of them for me were the classic players while I was growing up. So Ace Frehley for sure… KISS were like Slipknot for us who grew up in the '70s [laughs]! Then there’s Jimmy Page and Jimi Hendrix. Tony Iommi as well, he was a massive influence on me as a kid.

“Eddie Van Halen was a huge influence on me, too – it was very sad that we lost him so early and so young. When Van Halen came out, I started taking guitar very seriously. The bluesy side of his playing always appealed to me but he also had all that technical prowess, too. A very inspiring guitar player for so many people.”

What advice can you offer anyone out there hoping to become a good session player?

McLawhorn: “You need to know how to communicate with people. I’ve done sessions with some Nashville guys that have this shorthand way of writing music. Reading music and knowing theory is always important… I wish I knew more myself.

“It puts you at ease walking into a session knowing you read and play anything back. I can’t really do that – I just really really listen and learn things by memory. I can read some music but that’s going back to trumpet at high school [laughs]. So I rely on communication always!”

Majura: “I think guitar players need to be honest. Use your voice. Be real. Be pure. We don’t need fake, we need humanity and real people. What I love about people like Mattias IA Eklundh is he’s just himself. He’s pure and innovative in a really interesting way.

“I’ve gotten to know guys like him, Guthrie Govan, Richie Kotzen and Jeff Waters – they’re all awesome and very honest players. I think one should never think one has seen it all and learned it all.

“We need to keep in mind we’re all on a journey in search of becoming better. In terms of advice, I always have to say being open to different styles is so important. There’s something to learn every day. You should never stop trying to improve to make the world a better place. You should never stop learning… that’s what makes you human.”

[nicolewoo]

The Big Day Part 2

Pairing: Joe Anaoi X Reader (Roman Reigns X Reader)

Warnings: None. Nice and fluffy for you.

Now that the ceremony, the eating and the show was over, we all sat around 2 bonfires, Joe sitting on a log, and me seated in between his feet on the sand.

What surprised me the most was that barely anyone left. Where I was from, everyone came to a family reunion at the beginning, and after the food was served, older members and those with young kids trickled out, but that obviously not the case at a Samoan Independence Day celebration. Babies slept in the arms of parents and family members, older members were seated in comfortable chairs, some with thick blankets over them to keep them warm, and everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) helped keep the young and the old happy and comfortable. This was the Fa’a I’d read about. The Samoan way of revering your elders and working as a family instead of individuals. Truly it was beautiful.

Dwayne had procured a guitar, and sat strumming the instrument, occasionally adding some lyrics, a little Elvis here, a little Moana there. “Ok. Ok. Who is ready to name that tune?” I was a bit confused, but everyone else knew what was going on. I watched and learned. Dwayne would play a few notes, and the first person who could guess the song, had to sing a bit of it; no matter how bad of a singer they were. Obviously, the more tone-deaf singers were cut off early, and a new song started.

I knew the next song by the 4th note but didn’t answer. I waited for someone to start singing. This was an easy one. I waited as Dwayne vamped the 8 notes that should have been easy to recognize. “Awe, C’mon guys. This one’s a classic.” He played the 8 notes again.

I leaned over to Vanessa and Joe and whispered, “Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen.”

I must not have been quiet enough, because the next thing I heard was Dwayne say, “Y/N has it.” He vamped the 8 notes again, looking at me expectantly. “You have to sing it now. It’s tradition!”

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and sigh out loud. I looked at Joe in a panic. He leaned in close to me. “Baby, it doesn’t matter what anyone said in your past. We are your new family, and we will love and support you even if you can’t sing.” His words were sweet but ignoring that voice in my head that told me I am never enough was impossible.

Seeing that I was anxious, Dwayne said, “I’ll sing it with you.”

They didn’t understand. They didn’t know. It wasn’t that I couldn’t sing. It’s that my singing had been tainted when I was younger. It was never good enough. I was never good enough, and so, I’d locked that part of me up tight and didn’t want to revisit it, but I didn’t have a choice now.

I tried to keep my voice low so Dwayne’s would cover it. “They say there was a secret cord.” Yeah, Dwayne was covering up my voice. “That David played, and it pleased the Lord. But you don’t,” Dwayne stopped singing, so I did too.

Dwayne looked from Joe to me. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know.” Joe said.

I looked at Joe who looked awestruck. “Joe, don’t…”

“Now you HAVE to sing it. It’s family tradition.” Dwayne prodded, vamping the introduction again. Now the people around us joined in, trying to encourage me to sing.

I looked at Joe. He wrapped his arms around me until his mouth was next to my ear. “Baby,” His voice was low and sexy, and I got wet just hearing it. “What I just heard was beautiful. It doesn’t matter what happened in your past. We are your family now, and we want to hear you sing. I promise nothing bad will happen. It’s time to replace those old memories with new, happy ones.” I turned to look at him, and I saw complete love. I eyed the others around the fire, and I saw complete acceptance, but still…..

I nodded at Dwayne; a bit surer of myself now. He started the song over, ready to sing along if necessary, but I sang on my own. “I heard there was a secret cord.”

Dwayne smiled big and encouraged me, “Louder. You sound great.”

“That David played, and it pleased the Lord.” I sang it a little bit louder.

Joe whispered in my ear again, “Please baby, Keep going. I want to hear.”

Louder, “But you don’t really care for music, do you?”

“Belt it out Y/N,” Dwayne urged.

My voice quivered as I started the next line, but honestly, I hadn’t sung in so long, and it felt so right to just lose myself in the song, so I looked up at Joe and continued. “It goes like this, the fourth the fifth. The minor fall and the major lift.”

“Let go baby. Let go for me.” Joe whispered to me, and I did.

“The baffled king composing Hallelujah.”

Dwayne stopped suddenly, looking at me. “I’ll make a deal with you.” I was intrigued. “If you really sing the song, like put all of your power behind it, I’ll buy you and Joe an hour-long massage tomorrow.” That was tempting.

“Two!” I challenged.

Dwayne laughed, “Two massages?”

“No. Two hours.” Everyone laughed now.

“It’s a deal kid, but you have to really belt it out. Pretend you’re giving a concert in front of your most adoring fans. Got it?” He challenged me this time.

I just smiled, knowing I was about to blow him away. “Deal.” I said as I rose from the ground to get more lung capacity. I sat next to Joe.

Dwayne began to play the intro, and I let go. I sang like I would only sing for myself alone in the shower.

“I heard there was a secret chord that David played, and it pleased the Lord, but you don’t really care for music, do ya?” Joe ran his hand over my back, smiling at me, and I could feel his pride. “It goes like this, the fourth the fifth. The minor fall and the major lift.” I really put emphasis on the last line, “The baffled King composes Halleluiah.”

Trinity yelled out, “Wooo! Get it Y/N.” Her rowdy cheer spurred me on. I looked to see both Fatu families smiling at me. There was complete acceptance and awe in the eyes of everyone around the fire, and as I started the second verse, people wandered over from the second fire, wanting to hear me sing.

“Your faith was strong, but you needed proof. You saw her bathing on the roof. Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you.” The next line should be stronger, but I normally tried to hide my voice. Feeling encouraged, I did it the way it should be sung. “She tied you to her kitchen chair.” Trinity wooted again. “She broke your throne and she cut your hair.”The song built.

Jimmy yelled, “Get it sister Uce!

“And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah.”

I expected Dwayne to stop now, but he nodded at me as he played on. “Let’s hear it. Slay this verse!” I sang the chorus, lost in the music. Lost in the vibrations in my chest and my abs. “Halleluuuuuuuuujah.”

Joe beamed with pride at the crowd around us, which was growing considerably with each note. I noticed Jimmy had his phone out. I wasn’t sure if he was filming or if he was face timing our friends again, but I knew I was making Joe proud, so I ignored it.

“Well, maybe there's a God above, but all I've ever learned from love, Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya. And it's not a cry that you hear at night. It's not somebody who's seen the light.” This was the big moment. I tried desperately to ignore everyone around me but Joe and I belted it out, strong and beautiful. “It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah.” The crowd around the fire erupted in cheers and applause.

I stopped, figuring that was enough, but Dwayne keep playing, prompting me to sing more. “Go on baby,” Joe whispered in my ear.

“Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah” I brought the song to a close.

I thought the cheers before were loud. When the song ended, everyone went wild with cheers, applause….. it was insane, and as pride washed over me, I began to feel guilty for enjoying the attention. “That was amazing!” Dwayne said as Joe pulled me closer into his side and kissed my temple.

“That’s my girl.” He said half to me and half to the crowd. He leaned close to my ear now. “Baby, that was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.” I looked to find him smiling at me, soft and gentle and full of pride.

“Do another one!” Trinity yelled, and the crowd started chanting “Another one. Another one.”

Dwayne laughed and looked at me. “What do you say?”

“Let someone else play,” I tried to generously cede everyone’s attention.

Someone yelled “Noooo!” loudly.

Dwayne laughed. “I think we found our winner. Game is over.” He gestured toward the crowd. “Your audience wants another one.” He poised his hands over the guitar.

My mind frantically scanned my memory to pick another song. It would have to be well known so Dwayne would know it. “Ummmm…. Somewhere Over The Rainbow?” I asked, and he answered by starting the song.

@mindofasagittaruis​ @lclb13​

[borisbubbles]

28. ITALY

Diodato - “Fai Rumore”

And we’re back to our usual disconnect, where everyone pretends to love Italy and I don’t. I cannot wait for all the Italian crazies to be OUTRAGED by this ranking (28/41 is fine for an entry I don’t care about...?) and reblog this all over the tumblrverse and inflate my reader stats. 😈 but first, let’s discuss what we have on our hands here. 

Song Analysis

There’s no way this post *won’t* end up offensive to every Fai Rumore fan, so I will resort to brutal honesty. I never, ever, *ever* cared about “Fai rumore”. In fact, I’d even say it’s strongly overrated by the gross of the Eurovision fandom? 

Okay so here’s the deal. I will not deny that “Fai Rumore” has several things going for it. The song has emotional gravitas, Diodato has a great voice and acts very well. It’s technically precise and well produced. It is very competent at what it sets out to be, which is a very standard HQ Sanremo Power Ballad. 

But here’s where I feel like I deviate from the norm: You may think “wow Fai Rumore! How brilliant, meticulous and poised”, but I think “how expected, overtly earnest and unfun?” 

The problem is, this is Boris’s Bubble and Boris doesn’t enjoy songs that feel like they belong inside a trophy cupboard, and “Fai rumore” is exactly one of those songs, don’t lie. So “meticulous, poised and brilliant” you say, well *I* say “how overtly earnest, unfun and aloof”? I have a Spotify - if I wanted to listen to good music, I’d just use that? Or one of my like 15 Youtube Playlists containing non-ESC entries? Why would I watch Eurovision, or Sanremo for that matter, for the good music when there are so many other (and easier) options available for me that align better to my tastes?

The fact that “Fai Rumore” is *too* perfect for me (and therefore very hard to empathize with imo) is one thing, which leads to other thing I need to point out. I’ll let my friend Matthew take over here, who wrote this paragraph on ESCUnited right after Diodato’s selection: 

That final sentences is bone-chilling because it’s so, so true. “I AM A SOPHISTICATED MUSIC FAN BECAUSE I FOLLOW ~FESTIVALE DI SANREMO~” is such a common trope of elistism (like, replace “San Remo” with any quality newspaper, nobel prize winning author or classical music composer and you’ll find to be nearly universally applicable to snobs across the globe), but I find it specifically ugly in Eurovision.

You see, would the same courtesy be extended to a country of lower prestige if they got a Fai Rumore? Would the same courtesy be extended to a person of colour? or a woman? How about others songs that, like Fai Rumore, emulate their country’s musical traditions (Fai Rumore is SO italian you can smell the basil), except those traditions fall outside of the western European bubble? See, it doesn’t bother me that Italians like Fai Rumore and are proud of it. They’re Italians. Of course they are! I don’t judge them for it. I don’t rly care if the odd introvert finds solace in a song of this calibre. But as soon as Matthew made the aforementioned post, people who had previously rated Diodato as a 5/6 already started adjusting their scores to 10s and 12s and, well...

It bothers me that the same fanbase that DEMANDS cultural diversity (Diodato) and/or MOAR ETHNOBOPS (Efendi) refuse to accept a Solovey or an Origo -which are a thousandfold more layered, sophisticated and daring- as an equal. 

It bothers *even more* me that people are willing to immediately give Italy a plethora of chances (especially when they choose men! fuck institutionalised sexism!), while not doing the same for a Belarus. Belarus HAS no clear musical scene or funds to really produce good music, yet produced a ridiculously good NF (with a VERY righteous winner - yes, Chakras, but also: Chakras) I’ve seen snobs SLAM VAL, mercilessly despite being an excellent left-field pick (god imagine if Yan had won Eurofest for a sec. What a nightmare). Italy, otoh, also delivered a sterling NF, have *a VERY* rich musical tradition, tons of talent and money and production value... and they still went the lowest common denominator available, and yet they receive praise, without so much as a whisper of protest from our so-called “value seekers”. This level of hypocrisy and double standard wielding, all in the name of wishing to be taken seriously delivers *such* a toxic undercurrent to Eurovision and has absolutely soured me on Diodato. This isn’t his fault, but sadly he’s become a weapon of mass misconstruction and well just because I hate the guy who pressed the big red button more doesn’t mean I automatically like ICBMs. As we come near the songs I actually give a damn’ about, I will start calling the shitpociries out. Brace yourself for it, when I rank Solovey and Da Vidna inside my top five.

Want some examples specifically pertaining to the Diodato fandom? Sure, I’ll give you some:

EJEMPLO UNO: 

Diodato fanboys openly coddling him on social media post-lockdown all “PROTECT OUR POOR MUNCHKIN FROM THE CORONAVIRUS”. Like... he’s a *thirty-eight year old adult* he can take care of himself, BACK UP OFF HIM you freaks. 

EJEMPLO DOS: 

The relevant media having baptized Diodato as THE SAVING GRACE OF THE LOCKDOWN, ITALIANS SINGING ‘FAI RUMORE’ FROM THEIR BALCONIES IN DEFIANCE OF COVID-19, which is such a bullshit narrative it’s turned my hair from black to brown.  Yes, the Italians sang “Fai Rumore”. What they don’t tell you is that they also sang many other Italian and non-Italian songs, including humanitarian anthem “Roar” by Kety Perr (cue to Katy Perry being like “OMG I’M SO HONORED TO INSPIRE SO MANY ITALIANS ::hungarianflagemoji::” on twitter.). CNN Like, Eurovision related media LOVE portraying it as a ~life-chaning confort anthem~ - the reality is that “Fai rumore”, while playing its part, was merely a tiny spoke in a giant wheel. 

EJEMPLO QUATRO:

Well take a look at how many people will reblog this post and slam it for daring to point out, what I think are really obvious truths to anyone who doesn’t suffer from musical myopia. 

In the end, the song is okay and it’s okay to love it. But if you ‘love’ it because you’ve convinced yourself that you must, and not because it genuinely means something to you, I don’t think you have grounds to criticise to criticise anyone but yourself.

NF Corner

As I said, I didn’t follow San Remo live (I never do! *gasp* blasphemy, I know), but I did plan to check it for this write-up except RAI deleted every live performance? And they won’t let me embed the few remaining vids either? 

Anyway, this happened so right-click-open this a new tab and then return once you’ve finished it. 

Backstage feuds being fought out LIVE on the stage in front of millions of viewers 😍 Apparently Morgan and Bugo were at loggerheads for a while, and had a massive row RIGHT before their performance on the second night, which caused Morgan to stray from the script and sing all the insulting things Bugo told him *to Bugo* instead of the actual lyrics of their duet. 😍 😍 😍 Bugo IMMEDIATELY stormed off the stage to the point where Amadeus had to like... literally tell the gobsmacked audience that Bugo had left the building 😍 😍 😍. This is some god-tier pettiness and I’m completely in awe of it. DEITIES. 😍

aside from Sincerogate, I would’ve embedded vidoes that contained the DRAMA (Rancore), CAMP (Achille) and UNABASHED WEIRDNESS (Levante) of this year’s line-up, but I guess RAI really doesn’t like for people to have fun. Oh well. 

Italy 2020 vs Italy 2021

Diodato is male and Italian, so yeah, guaranteed top 10 in Rotterdam, no matter what happens. Search your feelings, you know it to be true. Cynicism aside, televoters WOULD have flocked to it without thinking twice (for exactly those two reasons), passing over many better entries in the process and well... I’m tired and exhausted and I think you can guess I am not very impressed by this likely outcome. 

Not sure what RAI’s strategy for 2021 is (lol it’s RAI - they don’t have a strategy. besides Italy have bigger fish to fry than the Eurovision Song Contest as you know), but I’m not very invested either way. I could imagine them internally selecting Diodato if he’s willing to do ESC in 2021, but if this was a one-off deal (which I think it was), they will probably select another plain white bloke for you to obsess over, so no worries :-) #TuttoVaPene

FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTOR!

I’m sort of conflicted? On one hand, god Fai Ru*snore* is SO typical of “Italy in Eurovision”, not just from a musical perspective but from a point of reverence as well. On to the other hand, when are the fanbases *not* acting insane w/r/t Italy?

San Remo was  really crazy this year, enough for me to award Italy a couple Senheads. However... if I wanted to see nice and inoffensive triumph over a bunch of deranged, gimmicky, ott masterpieces, I’d just rewatch #London1977? (offensive take #16: “people that like Marie Myriam the most in 1977 do not understand Eurovision”) Ehhhh whatevs.

Score: 2 Senhits out of 5. 

[stularsen]

THE HURRICANE vs THE CORONAVIRUS (part one) 

That time we planned a once in a lifetime hurricane world tour for March 2020..

I’m currently on a plane for the first time in six months. It feels strange to not have been in the air for this longer than usual period of time but also strangely normal to find myself once again on a flight surrounded by complete strangers. The main difference now is that everyone seems even more in their own worlds than before. Maybe this is because we have replaced invisible masks with real ones and we now happily hide behind these physical barriers, to protect us and others from the virus that stopped the world from moving almost entirely. 

The last time I was on a flight was back in March 2020 as the planet was beginning to understand just how serious the situation was becoming. Unfortunately for me, I had planned a once in a lifetime tour for this exact period of time.. The Hurricane Tour. It was an adventure I had been dreaming up for many years and planning for many months. The idea was simple enough, to travel around the earth in one month, playing eleven shows in eleven different countries, experiencing different cultures and meeting different people all along the way. We would start in Australia on the first day of March and then visit Japan, India, Botswana, Turkey, Germany, England, Canada, USA and Mexico before eventually finishing in Argentina on the last day of March. 

The lead-up to this crazy tour wasn’t particularly smooth and it was looking like it might be a kind of storm before the calm scenario. One week before we were due to begin, I landed back in Australia from a few months away only to find my precious guitar had been split right down the middle during the flight and my passport had somehow been damaged and needed to be replaced urgently. At the same time Jarrad Seng (the man behind the photos and videos) was having some major laptop issues and needed to find a decent replacement in the last remaining days before we set off on this epic journey. Through some minor miracles and generous support from friends and strangers and also a tour manager who refuses to ever say the word ‘impossible’ (thank you Thomas!) we began this absolutely insane tour where we would quickly learn that we would need to rely on more miracles and friends and strangers to help solve some pretty interesting problems every single day throughout the tour. 

The first show was in AUSTRALIA and somehow everything went pretty much to plan. A very jet-lagged Tim Hart (album producer as well as band member and support act for the night) had flown back from London the day before to then drive out west and play one of the best shows I have ever seen him play (while his newborn son watched with us from backstage). My slightly nervous and always teary mother joined me on stage for a little song. My dream of playing a show at Empire Theatre in Toowoomba had finally come true with 500 of the loveliest people to share the moment together. It was a truly special evening with lots of family in attendance as well as old friends from so many places and work colleagues from the bank days. Perhaps the most special person in the crowd for me was Bob Cook, the man who taught me to play guitar when I was a very shy 14yr old kid, to whom I am forever grateful. What a night! It seemed like the storm before the calm scenario had played out and we were about to have the smoothest and most incredible tour of our lives! In reality though, it would turn out to be the exact opposite and what we had just experienced was actually the calm and the greatest storm I’ve ever witnessed was fast approaching.

Thomas, Jarrad and I were up early the next morning and off to Brisbane Airport where we should have been boarding a flight for Tokyo, but a few days earlier we had been notified that due to the virus situation we would not be able to play the show in Japan and would potentially be putting the rest of the tour at risk if we even entered the country. So we somehow managed to change our flights very last minute and head to SINGAPORE instead, but without a show to play. We decided to put the word out and see if anyone knew anybody who might be able to help. It was truly incredible to receive so many messages and comments from people who desperately wanted to help us find a place to play. It didn’t take too long before the team at Timbre X @ The Substation came to the rescue and let us bring in a few people and play a few songs on their outdoor stage before Supersonic helped everyone dance the night away. Show number two, somehow completed. 

INDIA is next on the list and it’s looking like everything is maybe going to happen as planned.. until we are waiting to board the flight to Mumbai. I hear my name called over the speaker at the airport in Singapore. An upgrade to business class perhaps? Oh how nice that would be. But no, there was a problem with my visa not being recognised with my new emergency passport and they would not allow me to board the flight.. we pleaded with them to see what they could do while I scrambled to contact people in India at 5am local time to try and amend the visa. It was beginning to feel impossible. If I missed this flight there was a chance there would be a knock-on effect and the rest of my flights for the month could be cancelled. With no other viable option, we decided it might be best for Jarrad and Thomas to board the flight for India and for me to wait in Singapore to try and fix the problem and hopefully get on a flight later that day. But just as we were saying goodbye to each other I heard my name called again and we were told that they had heard back from the flight captain and he had overturned the decision and I would now be allowed to fly?? A medium sized miracle! We celebrated and quickly disappeared feeling both jubilation and disbelief. Surely now is where good things start to happen.. 

Of course not.. We landed in India to an email notifying us that our show had been cancelled, with very little explanation. We pleaded with them to reverse their decision but it wasn’t looking hopeful, so we put the word out to the people, again. Very soon we had been saved, again, this time by the wonderful people at Veranda Bandra who rearranged their schedule to fit us in super last minute. It was crazy to play a show in India and have people singing along to my songs, it just didn’t feel real, but it was happening right in front of me. Our time in Mumbai was so short but so incredible and we made fast friends with some amazing people. But onwards now to our next destination, the most random location of the tour but also maybe the smoothest show of the tour.. 

We arrived in BOTSWANA after a long day of travel via Ethiopia and Zimbabwe to the warmest of welcomes. Local musician and Stu Larsen fan, OneSpared, was there to greet us. We had connected a while back when OneSpared (Thuso) had covered one of my songs and I couldn’t believe that someone so far away was not only a fan of my music but was also singing my songs. When the idea for this tour started to become a reality, I contacted Thuso to see what he thought about playing a show together in Gaborone. He said we should do it, so we did. We turned up. The crowd turned up. It was magical and so full of love and energy. Finishing the show at The No1 Ladies Coffee House by singing Whisky & Blankets unplugged with the entire crowd singing and dancing was maybe the highlight of the tour for me, it still feels so surreal when I think about that moment. 

With things starting to feel a little smoother, we felt like we were maybe going to be okay in the next days. But when we turn up at the airport to fly to TURKEY we’re told our flight is no longer departing. At this point, we don’t really react. We are so used to being hit with bad news every day. We are in a good frame of mind for finding solutions and after some fast talking and a little bit of confusion, a few minutes later we have another option sorted. We arrive in Istanbul to more bad news, the venue is unsure if we can go ahead with the show due to the worsening and frightening virus situation. It’s now the 11th of March and things are getting serious with the virus, but we want to push ahead while we can and play another show if we can, so we agree to keep the numbers low, the windows open and provide masks and hand sanitiser for the crowd and thankfully Cem at Norm Coffee agreed to let the show go ahead under these conditions. It was a very intimate show with a percentage of the crowd consisting of local cats, an actual dream situation for me :) 

After the show, I could see a slightly worried Thomas, he seemed to be rushing to get us all packed up and out the door and back to the apartment.. but why..? Because, he told me as we walked away from the venue, not only our flight, but all flights for the next morning were apparently cancelled. We would spend the next hours trying to work out if there was another way to somehow make the journey from Istanbul to Munich without spending too much time or money or if we would be stranded in Turkey for the coming days/weeks/months. Nothing seemed to make sense so we did what we knew best, we kept moving forward. We had been told that the flight had been cancelled and that the airlines were stopping all flights instantly and that we should not go to the airport the next morning, but every time we searched our flight number it showed that it hadn’t been cancelled and was still on schedule…? We decided to wake up early and make our way to the airport to see what would happen. We didn’t know what we would find when we arrived, but it was eerily quiet and by some miracle our flight was one of only a few flights still operating while the airline and airport finished shutting everything down. 

We were so relieved to be able to fly to GERMANY but landed in Munich knowing that the sold out show at Folks! Club was probably going to be cancelled and that it was getting close to game over for the three of us. We searched for an alternate option for the show but we realised that bringing people together was just not the right thing to do anymore. We were starting to understand just how big this virus situation was becoming. We had to accept this and cancel the show and decided to replace it with a livestream instead. We found a friend with a beautiful living room where I played a few songs and shared the experience with a handful of friends and a wider audience online. It was hard to accept that we maybe had to stop this once in a lifetime dream tour which had been unfortunately planned for the exact same month that a global pandemic took hold of the planet, but more and more it was becoming clear that this was the likely outcome. 

Waking up in Munich the morning after the little livestream we were told that our next flight had been cancelled, but we managed to be put on another flight which took us to our seventh destination. We arrived in ENGLAND and of course one last thing went wrong. None of our luggage turned up. No suitcases, no guitar, nothing. We waited and waited and waited and waited. We were hoping that for some reason it would just turn up, even after everyone else had collected their belongings and left the airport. Our luggage didn’t arrive and it kind of felt right for things to be this way after somehow surviving the challenges of the previous weeks. We started to make our way towards the ‘lost luggage’ counter to see what we could do but along the way we saw some lonely but familiar suitcases and a guitar sitting beside a completely different luggage belt. We three idiots had been waiting in the wrong place the whole time. Call it exhaustion, call it stupidity, call it what you want, we don’t mind, we were just thankful to not have actually lost our luggage that day in London. 

From here, things moved quickly, we made the decision to cancel the sold out London show and we knew we then had to cancel the remaining shows for CANADA (sold out), USA, MEXICO (sold out) and ARGENTINA (sold out). We announced one final live stream from a little cafe in London called Hotshoe 333 where we would officially call it a day. It was a weird feeling, we didn’t want the tour to end, but it simply had to. It was not possible nor sensible to continue. The Coronavirus had well and truly overpowered the Hurricane. Thomas, Jarrad and I said goodbye the next morning and we headed our separate ways.. which is when things started to get really interesting… 

Check out the new video for Hurricane - https://youtu.be/xttiOK-0CCE

[lia-jones]

Growing Pains - Chapter Twenty Four - Unfinished Business

When I was ten, my piano teacher organized a small contest for students. It should be pretty small, but the unexpected happen. One of my piano teacher’s friends, Matteo Mancini, an acclaimed pianist, was in the jury.

By that time all I could think about was the piano, school being a secondary obligation. I lived and breathed to tickle that ivory and turn it into song, and my ambition was to be such a great pianist as the acclaimed Mancini, so obviously I was a huge fan, and it was an honor to play for him.

Decided, I prepared myself for the big day. I was going to play one of my favorite pieces, one I recently just started to master: Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy by Tchaikovsky. I rehearsed night and day, stopping only to address my daily obligations, such as school and meals and sleep. I really wanted to win, but most of all, I wanted to prove Mr. Mancini my worth, show him my talent, maybe get some advice for my future career.

My brother wasn’t as passionate about music as I was. Ironically enough, since he was the one that ended up with a musical career, as I took a major turn towards Economics. But by that age, he was learning the bass pretty much because my mom made him, and he couldn’t care less about lessons or rehearsals. And one day, he was really bored, nagging me to go with him to the greenhouse and play treasure hunt, hiding random stuff in the soil of my mother’s vases.

When he asked, I said no, sitting on my piano, stubbornly practicing until it sounded perfect even with my eyes closed. He decided to convince me in another way: by being extremely, utterly annoying. And that drove me insane. I had my drive, my ambition, and I needed to follow through with it.

This passion that I had, the one that made me go the extra mile to achieve success, was fortunately one I had brought with me to my work, making me able to complete my doctorate, get a new job, and see my clients succeed as well.

And I walked out of Victor’s limo with pride, watching what a great job Miss Bates had done with hosting her fashion show, the one I had proposed to her months ago, before Victor and I were even a couple.

Although I didn’t work at LFG anymore, Miss Bates asked me if I could still give my opinion on some aspects concerning the planning of the whole show, and I gladly took that task, answering emails and offering advice when needed. In return, Miss Bates offered me one of the gowns designed for the show, and a place as a guest of honor at her reception.

I felt like a princess in that tule dark blue ball gown dress, with white Swarovski crystals covering the halter backless bodice and drawing constellations on the skirt. Victor took my hand and led me to the white carpet, where paparazzi and reporters were to meet us, just as I had advised Miss Bates to have.

Miss Bates was already at the door to greet us, her smile a mile wide.

“Andrea! Victor! So nice to see you both!” She said, shaking both our hands. “Sweetie, you look so beautiful in that dress! You’ll be the most beautiful woman in here!” Miss Bates said, and I gave a discreet semi twirl, expressing my happiness.

“Thank you for your generosity, Miss Bates.” I thanked her, smiling. “It’s astonishing. I have no words to express my gratitude.”

“Oh, Andrea, I’m the one without words!” She touched my shoulder lovingly. “I would never have the courage to prepare something so big, if not for your encouragement. And it’s going so well!” She shook her hands, acting giddy. “Well, I want you both to enjoy yourselves. Get a drink, the show will begin soon. I have some other guests to greet!”

She left us and said something to the waiter, pointing at us. Soon enough, both me and Victor were sipping champagne.

“Miss Bates is absolutely right.” Victor whispered in my ear. “You are the most beautiful woman in the room.”

“Oh, stop it.” I blushed, giving him a discreet playful nudge. “You seem to be unusually left alone, don’t know many people here?”

“No, not my usual area of busin--” And just like that he froze, his eyes following something behind me. Suddenly, I heard a chirpy voice behind me.

“Victor!”

I barely had the time to move away. Before I knew it, a very tiny woman almost jumped to Victor’s arms. He was suddenly pale, his usual poker face in place, looking down at the woman.

“Mia.” He said in a hoarse voice, clearing his throat right after. “You’re organizing the fashion show?”

“Yes!” She exclaimed, an excited look on her slightly childish face. “We had some fierce competition for this project, but Miss Bates signed in immediately when she knew we used to work together.”

And then the pieces all fit together, the proverbial coin dropped, the bigger picture came to frame. This was the producer. The love he never got to live. Victor’s unfinished business. I quickly noticed my mouth dropped a bit with surprise and composed myself. I smiled placidly, trying not to give out my real feelings. Whether we admit it or not, we all have our social walls. Victor’s was his emblematic poker face, mine was a serene smile, which I took from Dr. Mariana.

“Good for you.” Victor concluded the subject, turning to me. “Andrea, this is Mia Carter, LFG funded her company a few years back.”

“Nice meeting you.” I said, shaking her hand.

“And Mia, this is Andrea….” Victor paused shortly, giving me a loving look. “My girlfriend.”

Mia’s childish eyes open very wide, her mouth forming a perfect O. She shook my hand even harder.

“You have a girlfriend?” She looked at Victor, shaking my hand so hard I feared she would dislocate my shoulder. “So nice to meet you! You can call me MC.” She said with a slightly high-pitched voice, hugging me. My serene smile was replaced by an uneasy frown.

“Let go of her, dummy.” Victor reprimanded. “You’re making her uncomfortable.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” She let go of me blushing. “It’s just that I’ve known Victor for a long time, and he was usually so lonely… I’m glad you found each other.” She smiled, and noticed my dress. “Your dress is so beautiful!”

“Thanks, it’s actually from one of the designers, and with Miss Bates amazing fabric.” I said, moving slightly to make the crystals shine under the light.

“Of course, you’re Andrea!” Her face lightened up. “Miss Bates talks a lot about you. The whole show was your idea! And I loved all your suggestions, by the way. You would be a great producer!” Her face turned serious all of a sudden, a decided look in her eyes. “You must wear that dress of yours on the catwalk! It’s a masterpiece, and we’d end the show with a sweet loving note.”

My eyes widened. Hell no. Over my dead body.

“I don’t think that’s a really good idea…” I started.

“It’s a brilliant idea! Miss Bates will love it!” I tried to refuse again, but she simply wouldn’t let me. “I’ll talk to her and then I’ll let you know when to go on stage! I have to go now, but I’ll see you soon!”

Victor chuckled as she left. I just stood there, and I bet my mouth formed a perfect O.

“She’s stubborn. That’s what got her the funding in the first place.” He chimed in.

I didn’t reply, the wheels still turning inside my head. Did I agree to be on stage?

“All you need is a drink.” Victor said, handing me another glass of champagne. “But not too many. You don’t want to stumble on your dress.” He teased. “She’s right. You have been the catalyst for this event. And everybody should see how beautiful you look.”

After a while, we were asked to take a seat to watch the show. And it was a huge hit. I could easily recognize some big names of the fashion industry sitting there, watching in amazement the beautiful creations with the fabrics made by Miss Bates company. After a while, Mia came to our spot to call us backstage. I walked with her, never letting go of Victor’s hand.

Miss Bates pulled me immediately behind the curtain, her eyes glimmering.

“Thank you so much, Andrea. Thank you for being so bold that day and showing an old woman that she can still have spunk! These last months were the most exciting of my life! Thank you!” She said as she held my hand.

I glanced at Victor, standing at the corner next to the closed curtain, and Mia walking by him, towards us. Suddenly she tripped on a cable on the ground, and Victor reached out to grab her before she hit the ground. She blushed, standing up, and he looked at her, still holding her shoulders. And the look in his eyes made time stand still for me. There was deep emotion swimming in those grey pools. It was love. The love he never got to live.

The searing pain in my heart made me remember the pain I felt when my brother accidentally closed the piano lid hard on my fingers, as he tried to convince me to play with him in the greenhouse. I remember going to the hospital in extreme pain, my fingers being taped together, my chance of showing my talent to the famous pianist ruined. Decades after, the thought of my missed chance still made my eyes sting. Missing that show was my unfinished business. Victor’s unfinished business was Mia.

And as I watched the scene unfold before my eyes ever so slowly, it dawned on me. No matter how much I loved him, no matter how much he thought he loved me, there would always be her, perfect, immaculate, because they really never spent the time to find each other’s flaws. She would always be in his mind, flawless, as I stood by his side. He was giving me his heart, but it wasn’t really his to give. It was hers.

The emotions flooded my senses, and I could feel the tears pooling in my eyes as the curtain opened and I was led to the stage with Miss Bates. Miss Bates’ eyes were brimming with tears as well, so my sadness remained unnoticed. By everyone but Victor.

As I got back from the stage, he caught my arm, watching me closely.

“Is something wrong?” He frowned slightly.

“No.” I croaked, not able to stop a tear from falling down my cheek. “Just got a little emotional.”

I should’ve known Victor wasn’t going to believe me. Displeased with my answer, he took my hand and led me to a secluded place backstage, where we could be alone.

“What’s the matter? Tell me.” He held my chin so I would look him in the eye, but I avoided his gaze, unconsciously trying to release myself from his grip. “Why won’t you look at me?” His eyes were focused but his voice betrayed him, showing me how much my evasiveness had hurt.

I kept my eyes down, and another tear fell. Victor let go of me, poker face in place, cold voice in action.

“Would you like to go back to the hotel?” Victor straightened up.

“Yes, if you don’t mind.” I took a deep breath, not wanting to cry anymore and make a scene.

“Wipe your tears before we go.” His voice sounded cold again. Its iciness hit my heart.

The engine running was the only sound heard inside the limo. We sat apart from each other, both staring at our windows, a huge gap and an emotional wall between us.

Once in our hotel bedroom, I started taking my dress off, undoing the button of my halter top. Victor sat on the bed and removed his shoes. He spoke as he undid his tie.

“This is because of Mia.” He confirmed almost in a whisper, letting the tie fall loose on his fingers. “I didn’t know she would be there.”

“I suspected as much.” I said, unzipping my dress, letting it fall on the ground.

“I did nothing wrong.” He said a bit louder, rolling the tie and placing it on the nightstand. “I stood by your side. I held your hand.”

“I know.” I whispered, taking my black satin nightgown from my bag, letting it slide over my naked body.

“Then why do I feel like I’m being punished!?” He raised his voice slightly, unable to contain his frustration.

I sat on the bed, my back to him, tears threatening to flood again. I couldn’t help but let out a nervous sob, as I saw my tears hit the expensive white carpet.

I felt his warm hands on my shoulders, and raised my head to look at him.

“Don’t hide from me.” His eyes were begging. “Talk to me.”

I took a deep breath, trying to convey my feelings in an orderly, comprehensible fashion.

“I saw how you looked at her.” My voice failed me, and I cleared my throat. “When she almost fell. You still love her. You may be with me, and I believe you love me, but you’ll always love her more. Unfinished business takes a huge part of our hearts, Victor, no matter how much we try to walk around it. I may spend my life at your side, loving you, but the truth is, I will never be able to compete with her.”

Victor stared at me with wide eyes, taking in what I just told him. Suddenly he kneeled close to me, his arms wrapped tightly around my waste.

“There is no competition.” His eyes were earnest. “And even if there was, you’d always win. My unfinished business, as you put it, was finished the moment I met you. I will always love you more.”

Another tear escaped from my eye. I remained silent, not knowing what to do with his words.

“If you can’t believe my words...” His face came closer, his lips brushing against mine. “Just let me show you.”

His kiss was more than just a kiss. It entailed all that he felt and failed to explain. He was actively expressing himself with his lips and his hands, holding my body tight. My body melted under his touch, as was usual. But my heart also melted, and any shred of doubt I had easily faded away, as he deepened the kiss.

“Dummy…” He spoke into my lips. “Do you believe me now?”

I wasn’t going to answer him. I wanted more. I always wanted more of him. I took his face in my hands and kissed him again, igniting a fire in both of us. He became hungrier, his hands alive on my body, his fingers covering every inch of skin they could under my nightgown. I felt the soft fabric rise over my body as he took it off, his trained eyes on my naked breasts.

“Take my shirt off.” He almost pleaded in a low voice, dark eyes on mine.

I started unbuttoning his shirt, his breath becoming deeper the further down I went, his yearning more and more visible under the fabric of his pants. He let his grey eyes flutter with pleasure when my hands touched his chest, and his breath hitched when they came down to unbuckle his belt.

He took me like I was his, and like he was mine, like he had no other choice, like his life depended on it. And as the world faded to black and back to color again, as we shook in each other’s arms, I had no doubt in my mind. I truly loved him, and he truly loved me.

[shleepys]

Summer Tones

This story can be found on my Archive of Our Own! I recommend going there and reading the notes I’ve left. Any feedback (constructive criticism or support) on either platform is highly appreciated. :)

Chapter One

Ch. 2 - Ch. 3 - Ch. 4 - Ch. 5 - Ch. 6

- - - - - -

May 21st, 1984

Primary Colors

“Fuck,” Steve Harrington whispered, bracing for impact as someone pushes him into another. He’s getting - trying to get through the crowd before the song dies out and another more upbeat than before takes its place, before he gets shoved to the ground, trampled over, and stomped on until he dies. The place reeked of booze and sweat, the drunken teenagers around him screaming with slurred speech in a challenge to overpower the music screaming through the speakers. Red light bulbs replaced regular ones in every port they could go in the house. Ceiling fans and lamps all glowing with an array of fire and coating everything below them. The lights twisting the familiar faces around him into ones that were bloody, the beat of an overplayed song pounding his temples into his skull, the ground swaying where he needed to go and taunted with its sharp movements.

Months had passed, and Steve didn’t go to a single party, not one. Maybe Nancy had something to do with it, or better yet Hargrove had a part in it, but he didn’t know. He didn’t want to know. Hearing about a party put a bitter taste in his mouth, and thinking in-depth about one made him physically recoil in disgust. But, someway and somehow, someone dragged him into one and convinced him to stay until it ended. Well, he actually couldn’t leave until it ended. He didn’t have a car, he was driven there by someone at the party meaning that until they were ready to go, he couldn’t leave.

The very last night of their school year, graduation had already happened and this party being the aftermath of it. Every single person in his grade and some in lower were here, but of course, Nancy and Jonathan weren’t. He didn’t expect them to come and if they had then he just hadn’t seen them yet. Just a cliché ‘my parents aren’t home’ party in a house packed full of drunks. Fun.

Another bump and push and he escaped the onslaught of sweaty mindless bodies, allowing him to run to the wall and find some remarkably tiny amount of safety with it. At least part of the problem was out of the way, but for how long? A silent groan slid past Steve’s lips as he let the wall catch his head and his eyes slam shut, the burgundy lights still passing his eyelids. His heart and head were thumping faster than the beat, slowly making him feel the need to scream and cry to get something out before his body exploded.

Footsteps were treading near, closer and closer to him until they were a little too close. His eyes fluttered open and formed into a squint, tilting his head to the side to see who intruded on his personal bubble. Hargrove stood towering over him with the ghost of a smile playing at his lips, disgustingly beautiful baby blues nearly violet under the red lights but full of something Steve hadn’t seen from him before. Concern.

“You aight, Harrington? You don’t look too good.”

Steve stood straight and cleared his throat. “I’m good- just tired.”

He made a noise of disagreement, “Call me a damned liar, but I think you’re more than just tired.” Billy fidgeted with the hem of his denim pocket as they stood next to the wall, a new song even more upbeat and thunderous than any previous beginning to take ahold of the mind’s in the room and force them to drunkenly screech and convulse in dance.

Steve furrowed his brows at him, “… How did you know I was here?”

“I saw you walk through the crowd, you looked like you were about to throw up, and so I followed you… and maybe Tommy also told me earlier. But ‘wasn’t like I had a search warrant in your name, Harrington. Just making sure you’re fine.” Steve searched over Billy’s face, a shiver ripping up his spine as he took in unfamiliar features and noted them. Bags of purple hung under his eyes, lips twisted into a frown, no cocky brow raise or shark-like smile, he looked… dead, like he wasn’t himself.

“Are you okay?” Steve questioned, observing the look of confusion plastering itself across the other’s face.

“Of course I’m fine. I’m tired of the drunken assholes who won’t stop screaming every lyric of these damn songs. But, I guess that’s just because I haven’t had much to drink.” Billy turned away from the other, watching over the sea of people as they waved around like a field of wheat in a thunderstorm. “Do you wanna go in the front? I need to smoke for a bit, get out of here before I shove my foot up someone’s ass.”

Steve glared, “Like mine, again?” Billy let out a strained half-hearted laugh, hitching his hands in his coat pockets.

“Maybe, maybe not.” An awkward pause and look between the two shook as pictures rattled behind them. Billy contemplated what to say next like they were playing a game of chess, pondering what move he would play, how he could word this to not sound snarky. He swallowed and slowly spoke, “Look, I really want to talk to you Harrington, in someplace preferably silent or generally just quieter than this shit-show.”

Billy tried to flash a grin, even if it turned into a weak one, but all it came out to be an anxious quirk with the corners. Hargrove being serious with him? Dead serious? “Lead the way, Hargrove.”

The full throttle of another song attempted to sneak out with the two as they went onto the front porch, however, the door refused to let it get to them by cutting the tone down. Crickets sang their silent muse along with the vibrations of the music in the dark patches of grass that were untouched by the change in blue porch light that coated everything in an ocean of navy. Warmth hugged him from the summer breezes that ghosted across what exposed skin they had, the wind twirling a few plastic cups across the yard in front of them. Steve sat down on the gritty steps leading to the door with a new sense of anxiety. A million things could take place, a million different opportunities for Billy to turn this into some ploy so he could beat the shit out of him.

Something stole his attention as it scratched and flickered, Billy’s lighter flared out to greet the cigarette edging his lips until the end emitted a pale red. Billy sat down with a ploof right next to Steve as smoke rolled smoothly out and disappeared into the air above.

“What did you want to talk about?” Steve questioned, fiddling with the end of his shirt.

Billy’s head cocked to the side in thought. Stray blonde hairs stuck to his glimmering forehead and thumb slid intently up and down his cigarette. The game of chess had come back in session. “There is a lot that I wanted to talk to you about.” Steve watched a shaky cigarette drag and exhale of turquoise smoke. “So, let’s start with how your day has been going, shall we?”

“How my day has been going?” Steve cocked a brow in confusion from the random question.

“That’s what I said.”

Steve rolled his eyes. "It’s quite frankly been nothing but shit. I was an idiot and said I wanted to come here, and now my ride home is off somewhere drunk and probably in the pool.”

Billy let out a small huff, “You couldn’t drive yourself here?”

“My parents are out of town for the next I don’t know how long. I don’t have a car.”

"Ah, I see.” Billy licked his upper lip as silence overcame them both. “I could always drive you home,” he mumbled.

“…What?”

“I said, I could always drive you home, Harrington. God, I hope that shitty music didn’t make you deaf, I’d rather not have to repeat myself twenty- or no maybe thirty!-”

“Alright, I get it, Hargrove!”

Another moment of silence.

Billy licked his bottom lip, eyes tracing between the cigarette and Steve. “So, me driving you home, is it a yes or no?”

“… If you’re okay with driving me back, then yes.”

“I mean, I wouldn’t’ve asked if not.” Billy gestured the cigarette to Steve, the embers gleaming in excitement as Harrington took a puff and ash fluttered away as if encouraging Hargrove to start spilling.

“One thing I knew I wanted to,” a pause, “I needed to talk about was the way I have always acted towards you. And I know, I know, I seem like I’m on some kind of drug talking to you like the way I am right now, but Max brought up some shit that’s been making me think for the past two weeks and driving me absolutely goddamn insane.”

The music reaching to escape the barrier of the door faded out of existence as Steve focused on what the other said. This was a man to man- a person to person talk bound to be packed full of some sort of sentiment, and Steve had no clue what to expect out of it.

“I’m sorry, sorry for the things I’ve done to you and everyone else in this world. I regret it so goddamn much Steve. I’m an asshole, I have been for the majority of my fucking life and I try to escape it, but it always finds it’s goddamn way right back to me like some kind of shadow I don’t want to follow. I shouldn’t have beaten you up at the Byers or fuck with you the way I have been. It wasn’t right…” Billy scoffed at himself, a grave self-deprecating ‘ha’ forcing itself out from the back of his throat, his voice thickening with pain. “But I guess you wouldn’t care that I’m apologizing, you wouldn’t care a single bit. I’ve caused you an insane amount of pain. I deserve to be spat on, shoved to the ground, beat to a pulp- fucking killed.” He half-heartedly laughed through an incoming sob as the corners of his eyes pricked and pinched. “I don’t deserve this chance to apologize to you.”

Billy tried to blink back tears in an attempt to prevent himself from crying in front of Steve, showing any form of weakness he had taught himself to hide for all these years, but it didn’t work. Not this time. “I fucking hate my dad, I hate that I turned into what he wanted me to be.” The glossed over irises spouted rivers, pouring and streaming down his cheeks as he somberly cackled and heaved for air. “I turned into him.” His lungs were set ablaze in the madness and laughing soon switched for pleas in the form of sobbing. A plea for some sort of change, a plea for forgiveness, a plea for something more than the same cycle of torment. He wanted to get out of this town and away from his dad, find his mom and make things right between them both. He tried to hide his face with his palm but instead subconsciously wiped away the streams leaving bitter trails down the sides, the cyan overcast making it seem as if his eyes were glowing.

Steve’s eyes burned and blurred as his emotions ran rampant, copying what Billy had done earlier, laughing through a sob while empathy joined trapeze artists in a mission to bend and break his heartstrings. There was a barrier between them, like with the music and the door. A barrier of knowing, being knowledgeable about one another. Steve didn’t know about his home life, what has led him up to this point. But, he knew what the other spoke of, what he wept for forgiveness about.

“I-,” Steve’s voice quivered as he shifted to face the other. Billy let out a loud sniff as he tried to frantically take control of himself, he gave another short pain-filled chuckle as he shakily turned to the other with brows furrowed. He exploded into tears again, his mind like a waterfall that had been blocked and building up with pushed down emotions until tonight. The breakdowns never happened in front of anyone, they were always in the middle of the night after days- weeks- months of suppressing and regretting everything, sobbing and heaving into his pillow until the sun greeted the horizon and kissed the dark sky with red, wishing his mom would come, someone would come to fix it all and help him escape reality for just a minute, a second. These breakdowns never happened in front of anyone, so Billy didn’t know how to stop the resentment bubbling and burning in his chest with every breath he took. Thoughts ripped him apart as he got in his own head.

Steve wouldn’t understand. Steve is going to tell everyone. Dad is going to find out.

Billy shakily stood up from the cement hurling his cigarette to the cement to abandon and let glow until it eventually died. “But, you wouldn’t understand pretty boy-” His voice trembled, “You’ve never experienced a damn bit of rejection or heartbreak or abuse in your fucking life! You’d rather tell everyone in damn Hawkins what’ve happened tonight just to fuck with me Harrington- to get everyone to join to ‘make fun of Billy’ train!“

Steve shot up from the staircase, a lump shifting and bouncing in his throat as he responded, “Billy, stay. Okay? Stay here, let’s fucking talk. Just me and you.”

“I don’t fucking want to! And, you know what? I don’t fucking have to!”

“Well, good for fucking you, Hargrove! But I want you to shut the fuck up for a second and listen to me because this- is just- the whole idea you have for me- it’s this misconception of me!” Steve yelled.

Billy started for the door, his hands ghosting the handle before being yanked back by the jacket collar and spun around to face Steve. Spit flew from his mouth as Billy hissed, “I’m going to break your jaw if you don’t stop, Harrington! I know your intentions, I know who you are-!”

“I haven’t walked a single day in your shoes, have you walked a day in mine? A day of mine a year ago? Fuck no you didn’t, because you had goddamn clue who I was a year ago and I had no idea who you were either! I was an asshole, every single person my friends sought out to be lower than us as a lesser human being- a goddamn nobody was treated with the same challenge every time to provide the most extreme forms of emotional and physical bullying the entire town of Hawkins has ever seen! But you know what? I’d rather be a nobody than stick to the expectations that have been given to me- the expectation to push- spit on, shove to the ground, beat to a pulp- Billy.” A choked sob erupted from his throat. “I fucking understand.”

They stood there, eyes deadlocked, their tears sparkling in indigo. Brows fell out of their rigid place, grinding teeth came to a stop, nostrils relaxed. Steve slowly whispered, "But, you are right. I don’t understand some things. I don’t know what happened to you before you moved here or what goes on in your home life. So, help me. Help me understand you. I’m here for you. I can help you.”

Billy inhaled sharply, a sorrow-filled laugh filling the blank space of silence that had been floating thereafter Steve finished. Steve continued standing there staring into the other’s eyes, hoping that his attempt to calm Billy down and hold an olive tree branch with him would stay and succeed.

“I would appreciate that, Steve.” He paused, taking a long sniff as he played with the hem of his jacket despite his vision being blurred from the tears seeping out. “I really would.” Another long sniff. “Are you ready to go? I don’t think we should stay. I don’t want to stay.”

“I can drive if you want me to, Billy.” Billy made a face at him that screamed, oh hell no.

He smacked his lips and sniffed again, “Firstly, I asked you if you wanted a ride home,” he paused, now holding a finger up to the other’s face, “secondly how do I know you’re not a bad driver?”

“I mean there is only one way to find out if I am,” Steve smirked. Billy rose a brow, a cocky smile sliding its way onto his face as his arm came back to his side.

“No, and that’s my final answer.”

“Awn, really? I was excited to get to crash your Camaro.”

Billy rolled his eyes and let out a tiny chuckle. “Yeah, sorry-” He started to walk away from Steve, hopping down the steps with another sniff and starting towards his parked car. “The driver’s seat’s off-limits, pretty boy!”

Yellow car lights paved a path down the overcast roads they drove on, Steve giving directions when they neared turns or stops, every once in awhile catching himself staring at Billy’s hands and noting how his grip altered with the ending of songs on the radio, how he had a bandage wrapped around his thumb, how he chewed on his thumbnail when they stopped at signs and twisted in his seat to look both ways. He observed him but didn’t say a thing. A feeling of nervousness washed over him, his mind lecturing him about how that they said anything that an awkward entity would clutch their necks and asphyxiate them - as if it weren’t clawing at their seats, saliva dripping off its chin as it prepares to climb over the center console and go in for the kill.

Billy could sense it too, fear bubbling in his chest as he continued to drive and the figure towering over him twisted a coil of his hair around it’s long forefinger. He took a deep breath before partially switching his attention to Steve. A quick glance in hopes to break the thickening air and start some small talk, however, he caught him staring back. They locked eyes for a few seconds before breaking the stare and going back to the road. Watching the silhouettes of trees whipping by and waiting for something to fucking kill what had it’s hand sliding up their torsos for the skin on their neck.

Billy pulled into the driveway, put the car in park, and turned to Steve, waiting in silence for something- anything to come out of his mouth, but all Steve could do is stare back and expect the exact same from him.

“Um,” Steve mumbled.

“Um, yeah. We’re at your place, home, casa-” his hand moved with every word for ‘home’ he could list off, Steve rolled his eyes.

“I’m aware, trust me I’m aware.”

Silence.

Steve fiddled with the hem of his shirt. “I almost don’t… I don’t want to leave you alone.”

“What?” Billy cocked a brow.

“I don’t want to leave you alone. Okay?” Steve couldn’t look the other in the eyes - not from fear, but embarrassment. He sheepishly started again, continuing to focus on anything but Billy, focus on a million other things other than Billy. “You can stay the night at my house if you want to. I have a couch in my bedroom I can sleep on, you can have the bed.”

Billy noted the little quirks about Steve in the darkness, like how when he was refusing to face him, he continuously chewed at his bottom lip and his fingers did dances on whatever piece of clothing he had on. He noted the anxiety that took form in faint dark circles under his eyes and bobbing in his throat as he swallowed. “I’ll stay,” Billy whispered, watching over the other’s face for a reaction.

Steve tore his attention away from the nothingness and their eyes deadlocked, faint smiles replacing the frowns that stood there.

Getting out of the car, passing through the front door, and going up the stairs became a breeze knowing Hargrove followed every step he took, knowing that tonight maybe Billy took the opportunity to escape and feel safe in what he referred earlier to his place, home, casa.

Steve laid on the bed with his arms resting above his head, counting every space and line that was embedded into the ceiling before turning to face the bathroom door. He didn’t know why his face got red hot or why it felt so different seeing Billy take off his shirt to get in the shower, but it just did. The privacy of the whole situation was weird. Everything tonight was weird. Weird.

Eventually, the natural yellow light emitting from his lamp had disappeared with the click of it’s switch. They were left in the darkness of Steve’s room to lay and ponder. To ponder everything leading up to this very moment where Billy Hargrove was sleeping in Steve Harrington’s bed, but of course without him in it. Steve slept on the couch in the room, continuing to stare up at the ceiling and make some sort of sense out of the imaginative colors that danced in his vision and what exactly happened tonight. Steve went to a party, had an emotional breakdown with his worst enemy, and now they’re sleeping in the same room, wide awake as ever with the same question toying with their minds.

What were they now?

[blehbleehhhh]

Angel ft. Eremika <3

Hello 🐒 I present to you a fluff piece. Seriously it makes me cringe! That’s why most of my stuff is a mix! Idk how this came from the request for something where Carla is alive and suggests to Eren to ask Mikasa to marry him because that thought doesn't occur (something I also agree to be likely!). This idea comes from a fanfic I read a long time ago on Wattpad but I cannot for the life of me remember who wrote it...But the idea is that it’s him who is in the band with a few other people in the group, including Armin, but Mikasa isn’t involved with that, though she is in mine! I’ve been to a few concerts in my short-ish life (I’ll be 24 in November) and Bruce Springsteen is absolutely adorable with his fans haha. I hate that everyone’s characters are so different but I also worked really hard on this (about 5 months hahahaha no lie) I almost didn’t even post this..lol. Hope you enjoy the fluff.

Eren Jaeger is standing on an expansive stage with his rock band, finishing up their most recent cover of The Eagles' Hotel California. They were brought in to play at a summer festival being held locally with a couple of other bands and were the last to play, which only means that quite a few in the audience is drunk off their ass and more likely to interact with the band members. He couldn't help but laugh into the microphone when he saw his mom in the front row dancing along to the music she raised her boys on with her first and last Sam Adams in hand. "The insanely supportive Carla Jaeger, everyone!" Her son smiled as he finished the song's last note and Armin hit the drums at the perfect time, just like they've practiced for years now. "Seriously, she may not be able to make it to some shows, but that makes the ones she can make even more special, right?!" The crowd cheered in response and his girlfriend would later swear that she heard him giggle a little bit, because she knows how much he loves interacting with their fans. Mikasa smiled as she watched him run his fingers through his shaggy brown hair, a sight that she truly loves to watch and has for as long as his hair has been long enough to do so. He chuckled a simultaneous little sigh into the microphone as he gave the strings to his electric guitar a strum and turned to the side so he could look at his best friend sitting at his drum set with Annie on his lap. "You know, when Armin and I started this, we were about, what, like, six?"

“Yeah, something like that.”

Carla offering a supportive 'woohoo' from the front row.

"And uh, we certainly didn't think back then that we would be successful -" Eren paused with a smile having been interrupted by the cheering crowd. "At least not until we met Mikasa, but that wasn't until we turned nine. Again, not to be confused with Annie here on Armin's lap," He turned himself to the side and pointed at the blonde couple, the girl smiling as she waved a shy hand at the audience. "Or our manager and Jean's girlfriend, Hitch." He turned to the side when his shoulder was tapped, revealing the beauty on the other side, waving her hand briefly before hopping back on the phone with their next gig. And that's when Eren turned to face a raven haired beauty standing before the drum set with a grin as she tapped her fingers on the body of her bass guitar, stomach doing all kinds of flips because she has no idea where this is going. "See this," Everyone started chanting their names and cat called the young couple when he proceeded to push his guitar around his back to prevent an obnoxious sound when she was pulled closer by the waist. "This is my girl, right here." They both smiled and shared a sweet, tender kiss as the crowd grew louder to show their overwhelming support, even other band and crew members were clapping at this point.

Jesus, get a room already..." Armin teased over the cheering and laughed into the microphone when Eren gave him the finger, more than happy to continue kissing his girlfriend while he carefully cradled her face in his hands. On his own terms, he finally pulled away and smiled as they briefly gazed lovingly into each other's eyes before he guided her up to the front of the stage with a light arm around the waist.

"Have I mentioned how sexy you look with that bralet and skinny jean combination?" Eren whispered in her ear and smiled when she started blushing, letting out a small giggle as he leaned in to kiss her cheek. "Kick ass, baby girl." He smirked at her as he glanced back at Armin, who had already kicked Annie from his lap to her keyboard set, giving him a nod to hit the drums so they can recapture the audiences' attention, making them return to louder cheering and hollering at the band as usual. It started with one leg, then half of him, and then Jean came out on stage in the middle of laughing, intending to replace Mikasa on the bass as the crowd hollered and cheered, especially when his girlfriend poked her head out past the curtain to give him just one more good luck kiss. He was more than happy to take over on bass and let the raven sing her heart out, even though he admittedly prefers playing electric. In fact, Jean's skills are part of why he was invited to join the band, the other being that him and Eren have managed to come an understanding over the years, and even developed a great friendship in the process. "Our good friend, Jean Kirschtein, will be filling in for Miki -" He paused with a chuckle and a smiled as the crowd roared for his friend. "Our good friend, Jean Kirschtein, will be filling in for Miki while she -"

"Serenades you." Came her voice into one of the handheld microphones when she interrupted him with a giggle, making the audience laugh along in response with screams chanting her name. She had caught it in her hands from Jean after quickly removing the one hooked on her ear, glancing aside at Eren's genuinely happy gaze. Oh, god, he's so handsome. "I'm not sure what to say," She grinned as everyone started to cheer once more, something she's not sure she will ever get used to. "But this is a song that's always reminded me of my Eren.." Mikasa grinned and pointed at him with her freehand, his face already smirking in amusement. "And I'm so excited to share it with you. Hit it guys!" He playfully narrowed his eyes with a wide laughed as the band began to play because this song most certainly was not planned to the best of his knowledge, though this is a welcome surprise. But Eren knows the song quite well because Carla has always said it came out the year she met her husband, so it reminds her of him every time she hears it, and he played along when electric kicked in. Mikasa watched his piercing, hypnotic eyes as she gracefully moved her body to the music and reached up to push hair away from her eyes, tousling it aside from the roots with small head bangs because this is just so much fun. "I call you when I need you, my hearts on fire, you come to me, come to me wild and wired. Oh, you come to me, give me everything I need! Give me a lifetime of promises and a world of dreams, speak the language of love like you know what it means. Mmm, and it can't be wrong! Take my heart and make it strong, babe!" Mikasa skipped down to the opposite side of the stage with a huge smile stretched across her face as she leaned down to touch the hands reaching for hers. "You're simply the best! Better than all the rest! Better than anyone, anyone I ever met. I'm stuck on your heart! I hang on every word you say! Tear us apart, baby, I would rather be dead." She giggled into the microphone and turned to her team, feeling the rhythm of the music moving her body every which way as her head rocked slightly. Eren couldn't help but smile watching her let go on stage like this. She most definitely is not the little girl he used to see gazing back at him with doe-like eyes, though her movements are still very much the same as they've always been, fluid and effortless; like the way her mother used to dance with her before she passed away all those years ago. He glanced down at Carla, who was proudly dancing in the audience like how a mother would dance after a beer, and it reminded him of a conversation he had with her just a few days ago before they were to play a show in Boston regarding his relationship with Mikasa, and what the next logical step could be for them after growing up side by side and being together for years.

                                     •••

"You and Mikasa have been together for quite a while now, Eren, don't you think?" Carla had said one morning, leaning against the doorway of Eren and Mikasa's hotel room, holding her large coffee mug in hand as she tapped it with her fingertips. He was sitting on the couch and listening to music while he does routine maintenance on one of the many guitars to be used in tomorrow night's show, and he looked up at his mother with a raised eyebrow trying to figure out he where she could possibly be going with a conversation starter like that. After being together since they were nine years old, growing up under the same roof all those years and finally, for fucks sakes finally, dating their freshman year of high school, it sure had been a while. But what did that have to do with anything?

"Well, yeah..."

"Oh, don't look at me like that," She rushed to say because she realized how what had been said could have been taken horribly wrong. "You know how much I adore Mikasa. It's just that, ten years is a very long time to be dating someone, Eren." The young man gently propped his guitar up against the wall and leaned forward with his arms on his knees, fingers sinking into that head of shaggy brown hair before slowly dragging a hand down his face.

"Do you have any point to this, Mom? What are you trying to say?"

"I think that you need to ask that sweet girl to marry you already."

"Why?"

"Because you know I'm not the only person who wants to see you two get married."

"I don't know, Mom, I haven't really thought about marriage to be honest," Eren finally looked up at her with a sigh as the gears in his head finally began to turn. "And we haven't talked about it much, if at all."

"Well, I know that she thinks about it. Oh, how cute it was when you kids were little and she would ask me what it was like to be married to your father," Carla grinned and chuckled softly as she took a sip from her coffee mug,more than thrilled to see his lips curve up into a smile. "Seriously, you know how observant Grisha was and even he noticed something between you two."

"Really?"

"Really. I remember one time when she had asked me why we got married and I said that it was because we were in love. Then she asked me what love feels like, and I told her that she would know when the time comes, and smiled before she said in the sweetest voice 'I think I get it now'. But that's all besides the point, which is that I think you should to ask her to marry you." Carla smiled at the sound of her son's laughter which, though not a rare occurrence, hasn't been happening much lately after Grisha's passing last year. "It pained him that he wasn't going to be around to see all of the wonderful things you two will do together, Eren, I hope you know that. I know you weren't always on the best of terms but he did love you very much." He pressed his lips together and looked away, slowly nodding his head with a sigh.

"I kind of like how things are already, Mom."

"What are you afraid of, Eren? The only thing that would change is her last name and there would be a ring on her finger." It was the combination of those words that really got Eren searching himself for what he may or may not be afraid of when it comes to her, and that's when he realized how absolutely terrified he is that their dynamic will somehow change, which leads to his ultimate fear of losing Mikasa in general all over again. Sure, when they were little things had been great, but then he started treating her like shit because there she didn't need him to do things anymore, something Eren took pride in. But then, he couldn't take the tension anymore and bit the bullet, and ended up spilling his guts cryptically about how he would move mountains for her, how much he adores her, which led to them finally dating. Their relationship seriously has never been any better. Why should he change it?

"I guess I'm just afraid that everything will change. After what I put her through..." Eren slowly shook his head and sighed as he cracked his knuckles anxiously. "I can't do that to her again."

"And what makes you think either of you would let that happen? Eren, the love that you and Mikasa share is beautiful, and it should be celebrated with us and the people you guys care about. I can't see this being anything but positive." Carla smiled and wrapped an arm around her son's shoulders as she brought him in for a warm, comforting embrace. "Just think about it, okay?"

"Yeah, I'll think about it."

      •••

And think about it he did. All seventy two hours from that moment to right now when he's listening to Mikasa's giggle as she surfed the crowd, while the rest of the band continued playing I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing, a song requested by an audience member. Anyone with an instrument stopped in sync, sending waves of cheering and clapping throughout the auditorium as she was carefully helped back onto the stage by adoring fans. In rehearsals, it was agreed that Eren would have the last two songs in the lineup instead of Mikasa this time around, since she did the ending for the previous two shows - a decision which happens to work quite well for tonight, unbeknownst to her. "Oh my god, that was so much fun!" She said into her ear piece with a large grin as she carefully adjusted her microphone. "Thank you!" Mikasa looked over at her boyfriend with a smile, knowing that there's still a part of her that's in shock to be surrounded by people who think their covers and the music she writes with Eren are good enough that they want to listen, she felt complete. Her eyes flickered down to Carla standing down in the front row with a grin on her face and clapping along with the others after listening to the couple covering a few requested songs, just like they used to do when they were youngsters. Watching Mikasa move so gracefully across the stage made Eren feel nervous and it surprised him to no end because there isn't any reason why he feels that way - it's his girl, their friends, Carla, and their fans for fucks sake. Now, she stands just off stage with Hitch, helping herself to a fresh bottle of water while he stood up front with two of his closest friends, all of them smiling as they gave Eren's shoulders a couple of supportive pats. And then a pair of arms slipped around Armin's waist, something he should be used to after being with Annie for quite a few years now, and it made his laugh to feel them squeeze.

"Hi baby. Well, Eren, we're ready whenever you are."

"Honestly, dude," Jean smiled as he planted a kiss on his girlfriend's cheek, her chin resting on his shoulder as she hugs him from behind. "It's about time. I can't believe you made the poor thing wait ten fucking years."

"Shut up, I know, okay?" Eren laughed as he reached to remove his hair from his sweaty forehead. "I'm fixing it. I've never been more ready." And with that he turned away from his friends with his sights set on the microphone stand at the front of the stage, stealing a glance at his offstage girlfriend who gave him the cutest wink that honestly made him flush a little. The crowd erupted with cheering once more when he set the strap of his electric guitar over his shoulder, chuckling just a little bit as he looked out over the audience and anxiously ran his fingers through his hair. "I'd like to dedicate these next two songs to my beautiful girlfriend, Mikasa!" Offstage the girl's ears perked up at the sound of her name, looking past Hitch with wide eyes as she screwed the lid back onto her water bottle, and her friend smiled, fighting the urge to give a thumbs up.

"Wait, what did he just say?" That douchebag! That was my thing. Mikasa giggled to herself feeling endlessly confused because they had never discussed anything like this in rehearsal, in fact, now that she thinks about it, he never even mentioned what songs he was going to perform. And that was when the band began to play one of her all time favorite love songs, Angel by Aerosmith. And that was when Eren turned his head to look off stage with his same old goofy, sexy grin to see that she has dropped her water bottle, her hands now covering up what he assumes to be that beautiful smile. The time came for keyboards to step in, and Eren drew out the last note as he turned back to the microphone, making quite a few people whistle cat calls in compliment of his smooth transitions. "I'm alone, I don't know if I can face the night," He sang with his dreamy voice and glanced aside at her, greeted with a beautiful smile as she failed to hold it together off stage, then he added in the soft strums of his guitar. Eren looked back at the audience and smiled as he started preparing for the next part, giving the strings a much harder strum. "I'm in tears, and the crying that I do is for you!"

I want your love,

Lets break the walls between us.

Don't make it tough,

I'll put away my pride.

Enough's enough, I've suffered and I've seen the light!

Baby, you're my angel,

Come and save me tonight.

You're my angel,

Come and make it alright.

He briefly looked aside at her and smiled, because Carla is already standing beside Mikasa, smiling just as wide and both most definitely tearing up. "Don't know what I'm gonna do! About this feeling inside. Yes, it's true, loneliness took me for a ride, yeah yeah!"

Without your love,

I'm nothing but a beggar.

Without your love,

A dog without a bone.

What can I do? I'm sleeping in this bed alone.

Baby, you're my angel,

Come and save me tonight.

You're my angel,

Come and make it alright.

Come and save me tonight.

Backing up slightly from the microphone stand, Eren nodded at Jean for his solo and smiled as he glanced at a teary-eyed, smiling Mikasa. "You're the reason I live, you're the reason I die. You're the reason I give, when I lay down and cry. Don't need no reason why! Baby! Baby! Baby!"

You're my angel,

Come and save me tonight.

You're my angel,

Come and make it alright,

Come and save me tonight,

Come and save me tonight,

Come and save me tonight,

Come and save me tonight.

Eren turned to briefly look offstage while everyone finished out the song and played the same notes, watching as she impatiently bounced on her feet. "I can see her already freaking out off stage." He chuckled into his microphone as they all stopped at once over the cheering crowd, his nerves only growing when Hitch brought out a stool for him to sit on. And when he noticed that Carla was still missing from the audience, it reminded him that life with Mikasa just makes sense, and he can't imagine one without her. With his body sitting comfortably on the stool, the guitar propped up on one leg, Eren turned to look all around the stage to make sure everyone was in their places, and that Mikasa was still stuck backstage. That's when Annie began to play Heaven by Bryan Adams, exactly as Eren's eyes briefly locked with the young woman smiling and tearing up while his mother hugged her around the shoulders from behind. You could say that their avid fans were absolutely freaking out and it wouldn't be an understatement, especially when he started singing while playing that short electric solo. "Oh, thinkin' about all our younger years. There was only you and me, we were young and wild and free. Now nothin' can take you away from me. We've been down that road before. But that's over now. You keep me comin' back for more..." He smiled when people started up with cat calls and whistles, shouting his and Mikasa's names as he strummed harder to begin the chorus.

Baby, you're all that I want,

When you're lyin' here in my arms.

I'm findin' it hard to believe,

We're in heaven.

And love is all that I need,

And I found it there in your heart.

It isn't too hard to see,

We're in heaven.

Eren briefly looked aside with a smile to see her bouncing on her feet again because she's just dying to get to him, and his mother smiling as she gently wiped tears from beneath her own eyes. The crowd cheered when he turned back to them and flashed his signature grin. "Oh, once in your life you find someone, who will turn your world around, pick you up when you're feeling down."

Nothin' could change what you mean to me,

Oh there's lots that I could say,

But just hold me now.

'Cause your love will light the way.

And baby you're all that I want,

When you're lying here in my arms.

I'm finding it hard to believe,

We're in heaven.

Yeah and love is all that I need,

And I found it there in your heart.

It isn't too hard to see,

We're in heaven.

He smiled and glanced aside at Mikasa once more, who was one step away from becoming a complete mess as she wiped away the continuous flow of tears from beneath her eyes. "I've been waitin' for so long, for somethin' to arrive, for love to come along. Now our dreams are coming true, through the good times and the bad, yeah, I'll be standin' there by you!"

And baby you're all that I want,

When you're lyin' here in my arms.

I'm findin' it hard to believe,

We're in heaven.

And love is all that I need,

And I found it there in your heart.

It isn't too hard to see,

We're in heaven, oooh

He turned himself completely to face Mikasa and smiled as she pushed her hair out of her dewy eyes, since it's annoyingly persistent with falling across her face. "You're all that I want, you're all that I need..." With his eyes on her stormy grays, the band finished out the song and the crowd went absolutely ballistic when he finally said these three words as he handed his guitar off to Hitch: "Come here, baby!" Mikasa was like a blur because she ran into his arms so fast, making him almost fall backwards with her as he held his girl, who was crying happily into the crook of his neck. He was spinning her around while the crowd cheered over her giggle filled cries, watching the couple kiss like they needed to for air, and he held her body flush to his as she slowly slid down to her feet. It's now or never dude. For once, Eren didn't feel reluctant to pull his lips away because this time it's for a damn good reason. He watched her eyes widen as he reached into his back pocket for a little black box, the audience cheering, cat calling and whistling when he got down on one knee. "Mikasa Ackerman, you're my angel and you saved me from myself. I can't imagine a life without you and I don't want to either, because I know who I want by my side for the rest of my days..." She grinned and covered her mouth with her hands, watching with tears in her eyes as he slowly opened the tiny box. "Baby, will you marry me?" Eren smiled and graciously took the left hand she offered as she nodded her head with excitement because, at this point, she is a smiling, weeping mess. She's dreamed about marrying him for years now so this is literally a dream come true.

"Oh, Eren..." Mikasa gave a tearful chuckle as he planted a kiss on the top of her hand with a smile. "Yes!" She nodded once more and grinned, watching his incredible emerald eyes as the ring was slid down her dainty finger, and then she threw her arms around his neck as he started to stand, capturing his waist between her legs. "Yes, I'll marry you!" His arms tightly wrapped around her low back to hold her up on his waist as they proceeded to exchange frantic, tender kisses that were electric indeed, just like the very first they shared together one evening all those years ago.

[indyflanery]

Open Roads Ship Evaluation

WHO IN YOUR OTP:

drives when they go on road trips? do they switch at the halfway point? does one drive there and the other drive back? They switch when they’re in a car regardless of direction. But they prefer road trips on their bikes. 

looks over the menu for fifteen minutes before ordering the same thing they order EVERYWHERE they go? does the other half of your ship get annoyed by this, or do they find it endearing? Nate, but Indy doesn’t mind, he gets him to try different things every now and then.

is more likely to get arrested? …Depends on what for. Indy for stupid shit, Nate for something actually illegal with good intentions. 

is afraid of roller coasters? does the other half of your ship try and convince them to face the fear, or do they take a softer approach and not push them at all? Indy is not a fan. Nate tries to coax him every now and then and he lets himself be coaxed but it never turns out well.

shows up at home with a dog unannounced despite the fact they’ve already got three/four/however many pets? Equally so, but they only need one dog and Nate probably surprised Indy with it.

demands that they do date night? does the other person complain or do they go with it just to see the excited look on their partners face? No demands for date night, they did it regularly because they want to. 

is the clumsy one who’s always tripping up flights of stairs or over their own feet? does it stress the other half of your ship out or do they find it hilarious? Indy hands down. Nate’s just more concerned that Indy is okay, even if he chuckles a little because it’s endearing after a point.

picks the music when they’re in the car? does the other complain about their taste in music? They have pretty similar tastes in music, Indy leaning toward more rock, but no real complaints.

insists on paying for everything when they’re out? do they fight about it? Nate always insists and they initially fought about it, but Nate has learned to compromise with Indy and not insist on it all the time.

is the one to quietly suggest they get high together for the first time? how does the other half of your ship react? Nate. Probably because he needed a bit of quieting his brain. Indy would be curious and agreeable.

is secretly terrified of horror movies and yet watches them all the time because it’s something the other half of your ship loves? Neither. Horror movies are entertaining if not always their thing. 

talks in their sleep? does their partner record it and call them out, or not tell them and keep it as a secret so they can keep enjoying it? Indy talks and Nate probably asks him about it out of curiosity but he doesn’t tease him. He’d only keep to himself anything sweet pertaining to himself. 

brings up the conversation of marriage + babies? how does the conversation go? Marriage Nate brings up, Indy can agree with it after some coaxing and the longer they spend in their relationship. They’re both in agreement on the fact they’re not big on kids.

has to pull the other back by their back of their sweater when they try and do something stupid in public? Nate probably has to keep a hold on Indy. He’s used to having people watching him.

is more likely to pick the other up from the airport with an obnoxiously large cardboard sign? what does the sign say? Neither are probably inclined to do that, but if pressed Indy probably would with just Nate’s last name and a chauffeur’s hat to tease him.

tries to cook a meal and accidentally almost burns the house down? Nate until he gets better at cooking. Indy can at least cook the bare minimum.

deliberately makes a squeaky chair squeak until the other person flips out? Indy

falls asleep no matter what position they’re in + needs to be carried to bed? Indy

is the little spoon when they cuddle? Indy, although he likes to think they switch (Nate claims the opposite).

hates thunderstorms and needs to be comforted for the duration? Neither mind thunderstorms. It’s a good way to cuddle.

brings the other breakfast in bed? is it a proper cooked breakfast - or just an old muffin? Nate definitely will bring Indy a proper breakfast even if it’s not always cooked by him

convinces the other to go on a hike? do they love it, or are they absolutely miserable? Indy convinces Nate they need to get out of the city more and Nate really doesn’t have a problem with it.

can never admit they’re wrong? Indy

lets the dog sleep on the bed when the other isn’t paying attention? They BOTH will do that. 

uses emojis in replace of words? does it drive the other person insane? Nate uses more emojis, but it doesn’t drive Indy nuts unless it’s unnecessary add-ons.

who decorates their house? does the other come home and blink at all the pastel pink and force a smile despite how much they hate it? Mutual decoration. And there never will be pastels in the house.

is more likely to get into a fight to defend the other? Nate has never had any problems punching people.

is constantly spewing random facts about absolutely anything and everything? does it annoy the other person or do they find it all interesting? Indy and some of the things he comes up with actually intrigues Nate.

is the lovey-dovey drunk? Nate

laughs at their own jokes? does the other laugh at the joke… or at their partner? Nate. Indy just laughs at Nate being a goof.

is competitive about EVERYTHING? Depends on the competition.

apologizes first when they have a fight? Depends on the fight, although in general Nate will probably be prone to apologizing more.

makes the other a flower crown? does the other wear it without complaint or beg not to be embarrassed? Nate. Indy would probably wear it if they were home. 

is more likely to put their fist through a wall when they’re angry? Indy despite being less prone to punching people. He’d have to be quite angry.

sends the other memes despite the fact they’re laying in bed next to each other? Nate.

wears the others clothes the most? Mutual thing. It’s comforting.

pranks the other on a near constant basis? how does the other react? Pranks are not a thing, but Nate would probably be more likely to doing it.

comes up with obnoxiously sappy pet names for the other just to watch them roll their eyes? Nate, but Indy teases just as much.

forgets their anniversary? Indy

is impulsive and makes big choices for them without stopping to think through what it all means? Indy

writes cute messages for the other on the bathroom mirror when they have a shower? Nate

has to do the dishes because the other gags any time they stick their hands in the water? Indy does dishes more but Nate will take his share of them.

jumps into the pool without testing the temperature, and who dips their toes in first? Nate dives in. Indy takes a little bit longer but not much. 

tries to kill bugs in the house… and which one stops them and gets the bug out of the house alive and well? If Maverick doesn’t get to it, they both kill them. 

can speak a second/third/forth language and uses it to annoy the other when they’re fighting? Indy (and 6th, 7th, 8th, et al.)

says i love you first? does the other immediately say it back? They almost always say it back or some form of it. Once he’d said it, Indy is prone to saying it more often.

wins when they arm wrestle? Depends on the day, although Nate probably just a little more.

gets caught singing some old, corny one direction song to themselves? Neither would ever sing One Direction.

is forever forcing the other to take selfies with them? does the other person complain every time? Indy more often than Nate and Nate never complains. 

shows up at the others house with chinese food + a six pack of beer when they’re having a bad day? Definitely a rotating thing. 

sends the cheesy good morning/night texts? Nate

suggests they send out a christmas card together? does the other go for it, or question when they turned into old people? Nate suggests it because he’d gotten conditioned to having it expected with his family and Indy questions it because WTF is that all about.

is a morning person and who pulls the covers up over their head and begs for five more minutes? Indy

is constantly insisting they won’t need a jacket before they go out… and then has to steal the others when they get cold? Indy

is a smoker and has to deal with the other forever showing them gross photos to try and convince them to quit? Neither smoke. Nate drastically cut back on the weed when he got serious with Indy. 

decides they need to go on a health binge and throws out all the sugary food in the house? how does the other react? Nate and Indy clearly loses his mind over it.

holds all the important documents when they’re travelling? Why? Nate just because Indy is absent minded like that sometimes despite always travelling.

hates flying? how does the other help them relax before/during/after a flight? Indy hates flying. Nate distracts him or soothes him with low conversation. Some form of sex may or may not be involved depending on how bad it is that day.

is more likely to suggest a lil fool around in the bathrooms at a club? how does the other react? …Seriously? They’re both bad in that way.

plans a night of board games for date night, and who plans a romantic dinner at a fancy restaurant? Nate is more inclined to plan fancy things. Indy is more laid back.

cries watching the news? Neither. 

teases the other one for having a crush on them… despite the fact they’ve been dating for a year? Nate teases Indy

believes in aliens? Indy will not give Nate the satisfaction of even letting him ask him about aliens.

is constantly leaving the lights on in every room in the house? Indy

rocks the seat on the ferris wheel? Nate and Indy would kill him if he keeps doing it.

is a terrible liar? Nate

is always reading the other their star sign despite the fact they don’t believe in any of it? Nate

who panics when Mercury goes into retrograde? Nate if only because he’d believe in it compared to Indy.

insists they watch documentaries to broaden their knowledge? Indy

is constantly renovating part of their house but not finishing one thing before moving on to the next? Indy is prone to that kind of energy but wouldn’t renovate the house.

uses all the hot water? Indy

is the shower person? who’s the bath person? They’re both shower people, baths are for more intimate moments.

is most likely to be unfaithful? A painful question…Neither of them are saints and have their history. Indy doesn’t want to think Nate will cheat but he doesn’t have the best history with relationships. But they are too devoted to each other to cheat.

BONUS QUESTIONS:

what is your otps song? Perfect by Ed Sheeran

do their families approve of the relationship? why/why not? Indy’s father is a bit indifferent, if slightly disapproving, but he doesn’t care that much one way or another about Indy’s choices. Nate’s family took some getting used to things at first mainly because it was unexpected and not generally acceptable for the eldest (and only) of a well-off family. But they’ve accepted it after Nate stood up for their relationship and they saw how content he was. 

whose friends do they hang out with more? Nate’s

what do they do on their first date? did they have a first date, or did they just sort of… start dating? They did things sort of backwards, with sex as no strings attached before realizing there was feelings involved and then they went on a date the next day. Dinner, a walk, and ice cream - it was all very romantic.

what is their favorite way to spend the holidays? do they go to one of their families houses? or do they create their own tradition by staying in bed listening to christmas music and getting drunk? Family rotations are obligatory, with time spent with their friends more enjoyable, but their favorite time is spent together in bed or on the couch curled up watching movies with the dog coming and going as he will.

what do they name their dog? do the give it a super boring name like allen - or do they name it something like bubblegum princess? Maverick because Nate is a Top Gun nerd

how do they handle emergencies? does one of them crack under the pressure - or do they bicker because they both need to be in control?There are minor moments of panic but they handle things well pending on what the emergency is.

how did they meet? were they immediately drawn to each other? At a party in the Hamptons and they were easy friends.

what do they fight about the most? how do they resolve their fights? Things relating to Nate’s life of privilege and Indy’s more down to earth upbringing. It tends to resolve when they’ve had a few minutes to calm down and they compromise in some way.

[medea10]

Medea Rambles - Changing Voice Actors (in anime)

Your favorite character! You love the way they look, the way they act, and in many cases, the way they sound. Yeah, voice actors are a vital role when it comes to bringing life to any character in animation. But what happens when your favorite character doesn’t sound the same as he/she used to?

It could mean your favorite character’s voice actor has CHANGED.

Don’t fear! This happens all the time and many factors can come into play to make that happen.

Because I’m bored today and have nothing better to talk about...

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING BETTER TO TALK ABOUT!

(seriously, I do like this movie)

I want to talk about voice actors! Because I like talking about them. I have the highest respect for these people and these people give it their all with the characters they voice. Every scream Sean Schemmel ever gave as Goku, every cackle Sayaka Ohara gave as Beatrice, these performances can be considered remarkable and memorable as time goes by.

But we must all remember this. Voice actors are just like you or me. They are human. No one lasts forever. And when the unthinkable happens and a voice actor dies, many creators grapple with either retiring the character or hire a replacement.

In the anime world, it’s most likely the latter because there’s no way in fuckdom Professor Oak would EVER be retired as a character (R.I.P. Unshou Ishizuka).

Even though no one could match the charm of Unshou Ishizuka as Professor Oak and many other roles, we accept the change. But it’s not just death. Life in general can get in the way. Many voice actresses have long-running roles to voice even when they’re pregnant. So when they go on maternity leave, they’ll need a replacement. However these are thankfully temporary so we were able to get Mariya Ise to voice Bonnie on Pokemon again and soon Brina Palencia will be back to voicing Juvia on Fairy Tail (and congrats to her for the birth of her first baby).

Child actors in anime will probably not have the same voice they had 10 years ago and if a role is making a revival in the present, that person will more than likely not play that same role. Perfect example there would be Aaron Dismuke who was a young boy when playing roles like Al on Full Metal Alchemist and Hiro on Fruits Basket. When FMA: Brotherhood came out, it was very clear that Dismuke was well past puberty and so his role of Alphonse had to go to someone else.

And voice actors who sustain injury to their voices during production. Jessica Calvello, the original voice of Excel from Excel Saga literally blew out her vocal chords for this role and had to have her role replaced for the second half of the series. Was it noticeable? Fuck yeah it was. But it was for the greater good. Plus her replacement wasn’t that bad. In fact she did a good job with the wacky behavior of Excel. The dubbing company was on a deadline and it had to be met. So what’s done is done. I’m just happy Calvello healed from that and is still a voice actor.

And other issues like scheduling conflicts and controversial issues come into play throwing a monkey wrench in productions. But we all move on for the most part.

WE ALL MOVE ON!

Anyways, for the most part these are just singular acts concerning one or more characters at a time. What happens when AN ENTIRE CAST IS CHANGED?!

Well...it happens! It just depends on the circumstances with the anime. And let’s face it, some of these changes can be for the greater good. Take Sailor Moon for example. Yes, we all know this tale! Sailor Moon was originally licensed by DIC for the first few seasons. And then the next few seasons it was taken over by (the thankfully gone company) Cloverway. With both companies, the anime was given the royal fuck-over with skipping episodes, chopping or editing scenes, Americanizing everything, downplaying homosexuality, shotty voice work, and blow off an entire season. And during the transition from DIC to Cloverway, some of the voices were changed and it was noticeable.

Decade later, Viz Media swoops in and gives the fans what they waited for. The entire series redubbed with original names, Haruka and Michiru are lesbians, Fisheye has a penis, and season five can finally be shown. But for many of us, we were delighted to hear the voices to the characters we grew up with finally getting some justice. While many of us loved Sailor Moon growing up, it was kind of painful to hear some of the voices. I once again point to Haruka’s original voice (or Amara as they called her). And the same could also be said about the first dub to One Piece. This redub needed to happen! No one objected to this, nor should they! But that’s just one person’s opinion here. Others, not so much. Especially the next one!

POKEMON! Yes another anime that went through a giant change. In 2006 (right in the middle of a fucking arc mind you), Pokemon switched the dubbing rights from 4Kids to TAJ/Pokemon Company. To which we all said...

And then they got rid of all the voice actors who have voiced these characters for YEARS and replaced them. To fans of the show from the very beginning it was noticeable and STILL IS. To people who were born in 2006 and are watching this now as a teenager (fucking shit I feel old just realizing that), they probably wouldn’t give it a second thought.

I know it hurt fans and voice actors at first but look at the bright side, a lot of them went on to do great things after Pokemon. Veronica Taylor is busy doing Sailor Moon. Eric Stuart is still touring. And Andrew Rannells...I don’t think I need to bring up Book of Mormon. As it has been over 13 years since the change I think many of us have gotten used to or have accepted this.

Does that mean you’ve accepted Tracey’s new voice?

No. Fuck no. And I never will.

Yeah, Tracey’s a different story. I refuse to accept that change.

Anyways back to voice actors changing! Pokemon and Sailor Moon were kind of special cases as those had a bunch of in-fighting to get what we got. Same with One Piece because no one wanted to watch that hot mess get raped with censored items, Americanized names, and a horrific rap song that even Vanilla Ice would say that’s too much. But sometimes, an anime that has finished its airing and has been dubbed and released in the states, it will be out of print or its license will be expired.

Animes like Berserk, Squid Girl, Rozen Maiden, and Shakugan no Shana were all owned, licensed, and dubbed by a company. But then their licence would go belly-up and their title would no longer be available for purchase (at a decent price) or streamed on a website. Luckily, these titles were eventually saved. Kept the same is a different story there.

All four of those titles had one or more of their seasons dubbed and anything else the series had that wasn’t dubbed was now going to be dubbed by their current licencor. In many of these cases it was changed due to the fact that many of the original voice actors for these roles are not where this certain anime is being worked on. Like in the case of Shakugan no Shana, many of the voice actors reside in Vancouver BC and FUNimation, the licensing company is in Texas. Hence, you get the second and third season sounding way different from the first season. Yes, it’s convenient or cheaper to use people in your studio instead of waiting to hear from Canada. So that’s a possibility of why they do that. Or of course, scheduling issues/conflicts or wanting to do things their own way. Haven’t decided on which one to believe.

And then there are some animes like Escaflowne (an anime that was already dubbed and licensed and released in the late 90s) only for the whole thing to be redubbed by FUNimation decades later. Reasons? They re-licensed it? There was over 8 minutes of new footage found that was never dubbed? They found it necessary to do that? Take your pick!

Now most of what I’m talking about is mostly America problems. Does Japan redub classic anime? To my knowledge, no. But if they remake, reboot, or give a sequel, the cast might change. In recent reboots such as Fruits Basket, Berserk, Sailor Moon, and Genshiken, the entire cast will change to either appease the original creator’s wishes or start over with a clean slate. And if a series makes a return after several decades, of course they’re going to change voices, are you insane?

Why did I find the need to spew a bunch of useless information today? I felt inspired after Netflix decided to grace us with IT’S presence.

Neon Genesis Evangelion.

A classic in the anime community. A gateway anime for many. A massive mindfuck wrapped in a brainfart. A clusterfuck of many proportions.

The television series was licensed and dubbed by ADV back in the 90s. But of course that company went belly-up and so this series has been unreachable in terms of purchasing for over a decade. Even when Japan gives us reboots in the forms of movies for the Evangelion franchise, only those movies would be picked up (by FUNimation). They didn’t even touch the series. Didn’t they realize fans would pay through the nose to get a blu-ray release of this series? The most fans could get were split-up copies on DVD and old VHS tapes. This was a goldmine.

Alas, FUNimation was not the one to save the Neon Genesis Evangelion series.

It was Netflix.

But...all things come at a price when you make a deal with the devil. Netflix found it necessary to redub the entire series (both movies included) without giving word or even consideration to the original cast (that has been doing the voices to these characters for over 20 years). Spike Spenser, Amanda Winn Lee, Tiffany Grant, and Allison Keith wanted to help with this as they all had a lot of input in the original (especially Lee). Now before I cast stones upon this, I do give this dub some credit. They do make an effort to make this sound like an improved version of the 90s dub. And in some aspects I find the new voice to Shinji bearable. And I’m okay with many new casting changes. I mean NGE was okay, but the dub wasn’t the greatest. My only gripe with the change...

Downplaying Shinji x Kaowru.

Netflix, you just undid like a decades worth of change when it comes to homosexuality in anime. You just took us five steps backwards! Kaowru says he LOVED Shinji. “Like”? No, you like a pair of pants. You like that new Bruno Mars song. Kaowru said he LOVED Shinji. Why the fuck didn’t you keep that translation? The 90s dub was kind enough to have Kaowru say that and the 1990s were run by a bunch of prudes! I thought we were past this shit when we put an end to the old Sailor Moon dubs!

Now with this Netflix dub, many characters on Evangelion officially have 2-3 different voice actors. Or in the case of the character Toji, Johnny Young Bosch is the fifth person to voice him. But some platforms can have the anime itself, just not get the right with the english dub probably due to some legal loophole.

Whew, a lot of changes in anime, right folks? It almost feels like these dubbing companies want to erase the past, right? Well to be fair, everyone seems to be doing that. Disney keeps giving us live-action remakes to classic Disney animated films. Classic anime titles are being rebooted. Dubbing companies are taking older animes and redubbing them. I know it feels like they want us to forget these dubs existed. But I know they just want to improve them.

No matter what, everyone will find fault with everything. And in the anime community, it feels like a never-ending flame war. Older animes will get hated on by how crappy it sounds or looks. And nostalgic fans will hate on the new dub because it’s with new people who sound nothing like the original.

YOU CAN (NOT) WIN!

Heh, I made an Eva-build joke.

With these redubs, many names get pronounced the correct way, many translations will be accurate to the Japanese version, and in some cases it’ll sound a lot better. Dubbing companies try to aim at new viewers and to introduce a new generation of anime fans to an old classic. But for people who grew up with animes like Pokemon, Escaflowne, Cardcaptor Sakura, Sailor Moon, and many others, we grew accustomed to the dub. And when hearing it changed, it’s kind of a kick in the ears hearing anything penetrated or different from all the years you spent watching these animes.

Everyone has their own opinion of what they like and don’t like to hear. I like to give things the benefit of the doubt for the most part. Especially when I watch an older anime for the first time that has several dubs. When I began watching Rurouni Kenshin about 7 years back, I was warned that there were three English dubs to that. And I heard all three. I made my choice of which one I prefer, which one was okay, and which one needs to be set on fire. In case you don’t know, the original TV series had the best, the OVA series was okay, and the redub Sony did needs to be set on fire.

And that would be my advice to new anime watchers. Give both dubs a chance and make your decision on which one you like best.

Sadly, these changes will continue to happen whether for the better or the worst. While there are some changes that upset me, some I’m okay with if not pleased about it. But with the recent upset over fans hating on Evangelion’s new dub and change, do you think the fans will get a revolution and their old dub/old translations back? Let me put it to you this way. If Pokemon told us to sit and spin after many of us outraged over the cast change, what chance do Evangelion fans have against Netflix? But you never know, stranger things have happened. Maybe a miracle will occur and the old dub will get a blu-ray release.

In the meantime, I’ll have to re-write my thoughts on Evangelion with the ADV dub, FUNimation dub, and Netflix dub. TOO MANY DUBS!

This has been another Medea ramble. I’ll go back to doing whatever it is I normally do around here.

[broadstreetmisfits]

Last Kiss - Tyler Seguin

Requested?  Y  /  N

Prompt: N/A

Warnings: None

A/N: This imagine was inspired by Taylor Swift’s song “Last Kiss” 

Word Count: 2,338

The love that you and Tyler had was magical. Every time you kissed, sparks flew. The relationship was like a fairytale; you were his Cinderella and he was your Prince Charming. But just like all fairy tales, this one had to end.

The ending wasn’t as sweet as you would have liked it. While you thought the ending was going to be happy like it was in all the movies, Tyler had other plans. The relationship that was going a million miles an hour slammed into a brick wall and completely shattered.

Trying to hold onto this relationship, you took the flannel that he left at your house and threw it on. Even though you knew the two of you were long gone, you needed one if the last tangible items to hold to comfort you. The tears started to stream down your face as you sank down to the floor. Memories of the broken love played through your head. The time he met your parents, your late night talks, everything.

The first deep late night talk came only a few months into the relationship. You two were standing out on the balcony of his apartment looking out at the stars. Both you and Tyler were super comfortable and willing to open up to one another.

“Hey, Ty?” You asked, breaking the silence

“Yeah?”

“Where do you see yourself in five years?”

“Well, uh… I don’t really know; hopefully, I’m still playing hockey. Where do you see yourself in the future?”

“I mean, hopefully still a (your dream job). Other than that, I have no idea.” You answered, but paused before you spoke again. “But, where do you see us?”

“Still together. Maybe married, maybe not. Depends on if I get the courage or not.” He answered with a slight chuckle, but then looked over at you with a completely serious face. His voice lowered to a whisper when he spoke next. “I don’t think I have ever said this before, but I love you.”

You looked over at Tyler and small smiles formed on both of your faces. “I love you too” You replied

Wiping the tears from your face, you looked over at the clock. 1:58 am. You still remember what happened at the exact same time six months ago on that July 9th.

The NHL season ended a few weeks ago and when the season ended, Tyler had flown back home to Toronto. You stayed in Dallas to continue to work on (your dream job/business), however, without Tyler around, you were getting a little lonely. So, you decided to fly up to Toronto for a little bit and surprise him.

When you got to Toronto, you discovered that it was pouring down rain, but that didn’t matter to you since you were so close to being with Tyler again. After hailing a taxi, you told the driver the address to Tyler’s house, and you were on your way. A little while later, you had arrived at the house you had only been to once or twice. You paid the driver, then took your luggage and made your way to the house.

You rang the doorbell and the rain fell down on you and your luggage as you waited outside his house. A small smile formed on your face as you heard the three dogs bark and then footsteps coming from down the hall. A few seconds later, the door opened to reveal Tyler.

“Y/N?” He asked, raising his eyebrows

“That’s me” You smiled, “Thought I’d visit you”

“Come here” Tyler smiled and opened his arms

You shook your head “No, I’m all wet from the rain”

Tyler tilted his head as he crossed his arms. “Do you really think I care?”

“Uhhh no?” You answered, however, it turned out to sound more like a question

“I don’t care what so ever.” He confirmed and then stepped out onto the porch where you were, allowing himself to get wet.

Tyler’s arms opened and he pulled you in. Your arms wrapped around him as he did the same. Resting your head on his chest, you were instantly comforted by the feeling of his heartbeat. The two of you stayed like that for a few minutes before you pulled away slightly to look up at him.

“I love you” He whispered barely loud enough for you to hear

“I love you too” You replied before reaching up and pressing your lips against his.

Your mind then flashed to the first time he met your parents. A month after you flew up to Toronto to visit him, you invited him back down to Dallas. A bunch of your family members were coming down for a get-together and so you had the idea of inviting Tyler.

Picking up Tyler from the airport, you could instantly tell he was nervous. He was shaking slightly and a line of sweat was forming on his forehead.

“Are you alright?” You asked as he climbed into the passenger’s seat of your car

He nodded “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little nervous.”

“You’ll be fine, my parents are incredibly excited to meet you.” You told him

You arrived at your parent's house a little later, and it was clear that the party was already in full swing. Little kids were running around the yard, adults talking on the front porch, and music was blasting. After parking the car, you and Tyler got out and you two made your way inside. The party was just as lively as it was outside. Walking into the kitchen, you found your parents talking to one of your aunts and uncles.

“Hey, mom! Hey dad!” You said as you approached them

“Y/N! How are you?” Your mother asked

“I’m doing well.” You answered before moving over so your parents could see your boyfriend. “Guys, this is my boyfriend, Tyler”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Y/L/N,” Tyler said as he shook your father’s hand

“Please, call us (your mom and dad’s names).” You mom corrected him as she brought Tyler in for a hug.

Once your parents got to know Tyler for a little bit, you two went out to the backyard to socialize. Your cousins were huge Stars fans so when they saw Tyler walk out of the house, they were ecstatic. Neither you or Tyler minded when they immediately pulled him away from you; if you two were going to be together for a while, you had to let your family get to know him. Giving Tyler a soft smile letting him know it was fine that you two weren’t together, you walked over to where a few of your cousins your age were.

“Hey Y/N,  it’s been a while!” Your cousin Amy said as she saw you walk over

“Yeah, it really has.” You answered

The two of you started to catch each other up on your lives. However, the conversation didn’t last long because one of your other cousins, Sarah, ran over to you two.

“Um hey, guys. Quick question: what on Earth is Tyler Seguin doing here?” She asked

You couldn’t help but let out a little giggle “Sarah, that’s my boyfriend.” You answered causing Amy and Sarah to look at you with wide eyes.

“You’re dating Tyler Seguin?” Amy asked and you nodded “Wow. That’s insane”

Almost as if on cue, you felt someone’s tattooed arms wrap around you. Looking back, you saw it was Tyler with a playful grin on his face.

“C’mon. Let’s go dance” He said

You froze for a split second before coming to your senses again. “Absolutely not. There’s no way I’m gonna dance in front of my entire family.”

“Please?” He begged, his bottom lip forming into a pout. “No one is watching”

Letting out a sigh and realizing you couldn’t resist his puppy dog pout, you gave in. “Fine”

You rolled your eyes as Tyler pulled you away from your cousins and out to a little empty area of grass. For some reason, a slower song was playing on the speakers that were in your yard. Tyler wrapped his arms around your waist and you did the same around his neck. Both of you had smiles on your faces as you swayed to the music.

“Thank you for coming to this. It really means -.” You began but got cut off by him kissing you

“Anytime, love” He replied once he pulled away

You thought you had found the one. The one who was going to meet you at the altar, you in a white dress and him in a black tux.

But then, hockey season started again.

At first, it wasn’t a big deal since it was training camp in Dallas. But when preseason started and Tyler went back out on road trips, he realized he couldn’t handle a relationship. He didn’t want to run the risk of cheating on you, or vice versa. He felt like he needed to end the relationship.

“Hey, Y/N, can we talk?” Tyler asked as you picked up the phone

“Sure, what’s up?” You replied, completely naive to what was about to happen

He let out a sigh before speaking again “I need to let you go. It’s not fair to keep you here waiting while I’m off on long road trips across the country. I don’t want to make any promise that I can’t keep. I can’t promise that I’ll always be there for you every night. Hockey is my top priority, and I don’t want to hurt you by keeping us going. I hope you understand.”

You blinked a few times, at first trying to register what he just said, but eventually that turned to trying to fight back the tears. “I - I don’t. I really don’t understand.”

“Of course you don’t now, but in the future, you will. You’ll eventually understand that I didn’t want to put you through the pain.” He said before his voice was replaced by the sound of a dial tone.

So there you sat on the cold hardwood floor of your apartment. It had been half a year since you talked to Tyler but here you were still drowning in the memories that you two had. Even though he had probably gotten over you a long time ago, there was something about him that you couldn’t forget.

Without having a second thought, you pulled out your phone and went onto Instagram. Typing his username in the search bar, you were quickly able to find Tyler’s profile. You went on there every once in a while, just to see how he’s doing. Like usual, he had tons of pictures of his dogs, but there was also a new addition.

There was a girl; a girl who wasn’t you. A girl much more put together and on top of her life than you. And Tyler we hugging and kissing and holding the girl. He was doing everything with that girl that he would do with you. You could feel your heart shattering into a million tiny pieces.

Even though it had already been three or four months since you broke up, you were just now feeling him slip away. It had finally hit you that he had moved on with someone new.

A few days after your little late night breakdown, a couple of the Stars had invited you out to eat. At first, you were wary of what would happen and if Tyler was going to be there, but your fears washed away when you were told it would just be you, Jamie and Alex.

Your face lit up when you immediately spotted the two guys as you walked into the coffee shop. When you approached the two hockey players, the two of them stood up and embraced you in their arms.

“Hey guys,” You said as you hugged them

“Hey Y/N,” Alex answered

“How’ve you been” Jamie added

“I’ve been alright, how about you two?” You asked

After the light small talk, the two boys started hitting you with the real questions.

“So, Y/N,” Alex began “Have you been seeing anyone?”

You almost instantly shook your head “No, I haven’t. I’ve been busy with work. Why? Is Ty seeing anyone?” You asked even though you already knew the answer.

Jamie hesitated before answering the question. “Uh, yeah, he is actually.”

The lump in your throat grew when you heard that. Sure, you had already known, but having one of his close friends confirm it was like securing the final nail into the coffin.

After changing the conversation, the three of you had a relaxing little lunch. You left the cafe feeling a lot more comfortable and confident than you ever were before.

Returning back to your apartment, it was clear that you weren’t what Tyler wanted - far from it in fact. But you couldn’t help but think about how he stayed for so long. Through some of your worst fights and when your relationship was close to the end, he held on.

Sure, you weren’t enough to get him to stay forever, but a small part of you hoped that he looks back on your relationship and wonders if it could have gone till the end. A small part of you hoped that you hoped that he thought of you and wished that he hadn’t walked away.

You have realized that Tyler won’t come back for you. He clearly moved on and was with someone new. You knew that you should move on, but it was just harder for you too.

A small part of you hoped that your memory haunted him as his does to you; that his new girl will maybe find a picture of you in his phone or one of his notebooks that he couldn’t bear to delete or throw away.

No matter how much you want to move on, a small part of you still hopes that a small piece of him still loves you.

[givemebtscenarios]

The Last(Min Yoongi)

Request:Suga preforming his new rap for you

Words:1,682

A/N: ALL LYRICS USED IN THIS SCENARIO ARE FROM AGUST D'S 'THE LAST'. WARNING:IF YOU HAVEN'T LISTENED TO IT, I HIGHLY SUGGEST IT, BUT I AM GIVING IT A TRIGGER WARNING BECAUSE OF THE LYRICS!

You knew about Yoongi's past. From what he had been through when he was a child, to a teenager, and about what he was going through now. You knew all about his accident and what it had cost him. You had heard all about his trainee days and the shit he had went through. This man had been through everything everybody didn't want or need to go through, but he was still the strongest person you knew.

He had used his past to make himself successful in every aspect you can think of. From a delivery job, to becoming a trainee, to performing in stadiums with millions of fans screaming his name and hanging onto every word he said. From almost nobody caring about him or worrying about him, to not being able to keep people from worrying about him. You were insanely proud of what he had become. He's exactly what he wanted to be. A person who made it in the music industry and able to say whatever he wanted when he wanted.

He was currently sitting beside you in your shared bed, a pen scribbling down lyrics for his mixtape while his other hand ran through your hair softly. You rolled over to look at him, his face scrunched up in concentration as he bobbed his head to some beat only he could hear inside his head. You smiled whenever you saw him in his element. He was an excellent lyricist and an even better producer. You watched as a smile pulled onto his face and he looked down at you, catching your eyes. "Can I help you?" he asked. You smiled and shook your head.

"No, I'm just....observing." you told him. He shook his head and threw his legs over the side of the bed. "I'm going to head over to the studio to record this song. I think I've finally gotten it to where I want it." he said. You sat up, your eyes wide. "Can I come? Please? I want to hear it and I promise I won't get in the way." you told him, biting the corner of your lip. He grinned and nodded, pulling his shoes on. "Come on, then." he said.

He loved that you were almost as passionate about his music as he was. It was one of the things he loved most about you. You never got upset when he had a late night in the studio, or when he suddenly had to leave to record something that he had just thought of for a song of his. You were absolutely perfect in his eyes. He understood why you worried sometimes, which is why you had started bringing him food to the Genius Lab to make sure he ate because if you didn't, he wouldn't.

As soon as you arrived to the Genius Lab, you sat down on the seat he had in the studio. He pulled up his music program on his computer and went to the track he wanted, you saw the title of the track and you were confused. You hadn't heard him talking about this song. He had told you about every song he was working on or had finished already, but you didn't recognize this song title. The Last.

He turned to you, placing his pad on the table. "Can we get some take out before I start? I'm fucking starving." he said, before placing an order and sitting beside you. "'You know I love you, right? And I'm glad you've stuck with me no matter how fucked up I think I am." he said, a slight smile on his face. You placed a hand on his cheek and pulled him to you, your lips landing softly on his. "You're not fucked up. Stop thinking that before I beat you up." you said, grinning.

When the food finally arrived, Yoongi spread it all out on the table, handing you a pair of chopsticks and digging in, shoveling food in his mouth. It wasn't long before the food was gone and you cleaned up the boxes, putting them back in the back, putting them by the door so you wouldn't forget to throw them away when you left to go back home. Yoongi stood up, going the little ways to his chair, sitting down and clicking a few times on his computer.

He pulled out his writing pad and looked at you, flipping it open. "You know the drill. You can't make a sound." he said, his eyebrows raised. You nodded, using your fingers to form an imaginary zipper over your lips. He took a deep breath before he started the music, moving closer to the mic he had and wetting is lips before starting. "Jal naganeun aidol raeppeo geu imyeone. Nayakhan jasini seo isseo jogeum wiheomhae. Uuljeung gangbak." he rapped out, his head moving to the beat and his hands moving in the air.

Your skin was flushed with goosebumps, your eyes already starting to water. You looked away, not being able to look at his face as he rapped, but still semi hearing his voice ring through your ears. Now you knew why he hadn't told you about this song. This one was easily the most emotional song on his mixtape. "Gakkeumssik nado naega museowo jagi hyeomowa. Dasi nolleo wa beorin uuljeung deokbune. Imi minyungineun jugeosseo (naega jugyeosseo)."

You sat back on the seat, letting the words sink into your brain and allow yourself to get lost in his words. It was sad, it was raw, it was....perfect. It was something everyone had to hear to truly understand the rapper he was underneath the 'idol' persona he had. There was someone who hurt more than anyone else you knew. Who had been through more than anyone else you knew. "Uisa seonsaengnimi naege mureosseo. Jujeo eopsi naneun malhaesseo geureon jeok itdago".

You squeezed your eyes shut. You never knew someone could make you so emotional with music. Someone who put so much passion into his music and wrote about things that other people were scared of doing. But, that's what made Min Yoongi, Min Yoongi. He was fearless. He didn't give a fuck what anyone thought or said, he let hate slide off his back and made sure to hit back 100x harder. "My fans, my homie, my fam, geokjeong malgil. Na ijen jeongmal gwaenchanha, damn!"

You smiled to yourself, knowing that he was getting better. His depression still hit him, sure. But, it wasn't anything compared to before. He was working on himself. "Seikoeseo rollekseu akseueseo chejo. Nae sonjit hanbeone kkeudeokgeorineun. Su man myeongdeurui gogae." You grinned when you heard his boasting. He deserved everything he was getting. Every bit of success, every hit song and every song that was on the charts.

This song broke your heart, and you watched as the song ended and he turned back to the computer to make sure everything had recorded, his eyes dancing across the screen as he made random clicks, one headphone on, one headphone off. You watched with admiration in your eyes. This man was everything to you. And everything to numerous people across the world. People that looked up to him just as you did.

Min Yoongi was someone that was very influential, rapping about things like depression and mental illness, something that was slightly frowned upon in Korea. He made one final click and took his headphones off, turning around in his chair to look at you with an eyebrow raised. "Well? What did you think of it?" he asked, his head cocked to the side. You didn't say anything, you couldn't. That song still had you speechless.

So many emotions ran through his voice into the little microphone in front of him. Emotions you didn't even know could exist. There was anger, sadness, and even boastfulness towards the end. You stood up from your spot, walking over to him, linking your legs through the holes in his chair, as you sat in his lap. You did nothing but hug him, your chin on his shoulder as his arms wrapped around your waist.

That was all he needed. All he wanted. He didn't want words about how proud of him you were for all that he's accomplished. He didn't want words of "good job, keep going, you're doing great." He wanted someone who would listen to his songs without judgement and not just brush it off as another hit that would claim the charts. He wanted someone who would understand where he was coming from and understand that that's who he was, not who he is.

He had a smile on his face, until he felt your shoulders shake and heard you sniffle.He grabbed your arms and pulled you back, seeing the tears that streamed down your face and the puffiness of your eyes. He understood. And he loved that you understood. He wiped the tears from your eyes just to have more replace them. He cupped your face, bringing you down to him, his lips placing themselves onto yours.

You kissed him back with fervor. You tried to show him just how much you loved him through that one thing. And you hoped it worked. You knew he didn't want words right now. He never did. He just wanted someone to understand. He wanted to not be judged, not that he ever cared if he was. You knew he wanted someone to take in the lyrics instead of letting them go in one ear and out the other.

You just held him, letting him feel how much you liked it instead of telling him. His arms crushed you closer to him, as if you couldn't be close enough. Underneath the persona he liked to put off with Bangtan, there was someone who loved to cuddle and laugh at jokes no matter how stupid. He was a stereotypical tsundere. And you loved that about him. "I'll come back tomorrow to edit and make changes if I need to. Let's get home." he said, pulling you away from him with one final kiss.

[proofthatihaveaheart]

end of year 2019 recs

this was meant to be posted two months ago and then it got buried in my drafts and i forgot that it existed while i started a new fic rec list for the first quarter of this year oops

[1 Borderlands, 1 Good Omens, 1 Life is Strange, 1 Marvel, 1 She-Ra, 9 Steven Universe, 1 Tangled, 1 The Adventure Zone, 1 The Last of Us, 2 The Umbrella Academy]

Borderlands

Burn Out by snufflyphoenix (VH1 gang, 5k):  As Mordecai and Brick prepare to ship out to Athenas as the Crimson Raiders' B Team with Not So Tiny Tina, Lilith worries about their safety and starts to wonder how she's going to manage without them now she's gotten so used to them always being with her again. She contemplates their relationship; how it's changed since when they first met and how they're going to manage going forwards with the world turned upside down again. [This fic balances tenderness and comfort and grief so well while capturing the dynamics between these characters and I just really love it.] 

Good Omens

Choose Your Faces Wisely by Poetry (Aziraphale/Crowley, 5k):  In a world where humans wear their souls on the outside, Crowley and Aziraphale learn to make their own. [Daemon AU! It’s well-written with lots of references, cool concepts about the daemons of supernatural beings, and strong character moments.]

Life is Strange

migratory animals by swapcats (Chloe/Max, 11k): “Here,” you say, tossing the photo her way. “Check it out. Blackwell was insane for kicking me out, right?”You give her your best grin. It’s not very good, but she’s not looking, anyway. She twists the photo in her hands, turns it upright, and does nothing but blink at it.For a moment, you’re scared she’s going to fall in. Not because it’s a photo -- it isn’t even of her, isn’t more than a few hours in the past -- but because you’re more convinced than terrified that she’s just going to up and vanish. If it’s not time-bullshit, then it’ll be her having enough of putting up with your bullshit; she’s got her family out there, over in Seattle, and you’ve got a beat up truck and a few thousand dollars to your name. [Road trip fic! Full of pining and a careful exploration of their traumas and healing, it serves as a perfect epilogue to their adventure]

Marvel

dance, dance (we’re falling apart to half-time) by gleesquid (Gwen/MJ, 4k): “We were going to go dancing. Peter and I, I mean. We could still go. You and me, that is, it’s not like we need Peter to dance, or any boys at all, and he’s not very good anyways –,”“Gwen Stacy,” Mary Jane said and Gwen faltered at the sound of her own name on foreign lips. “It’s like you read my mind.”Or: Gwen and MJ will always be each other's favorite dance partner. [A perfect fic about Gwen and MJ’s growing friendship and feelings, with lots of dancing thrown in. The build-up is fantastic and it’s romantic and it’s very much them.]

She-ra

I Can Make You Stronger by inkubusmb (Glimmer, 7k): "You can really make me that powerful?""You think of yourself only as a princess, but you're the child of a great sorcerer. You have a more powerful connection to magic then you've ever realized. Let me show you."Shadow Weaver couldn't be trusted. Glimmer knew that.But after losing her mother, she knew she had to get stronger. Strong enough to protect her friends from the same fate. Strong enough to destroy the Horde.And Shadow Weaver was the only one who could give her that power. [A neat character study of something that very well might happen in s4 - Glimmer learning magic from Shadow Weaver.]

Steven Universe

Before We Turn to Dust by Mintly (Ruby/Sapphire, 6k): Their days were dirt roads and endless blue sky. It would be freedom, except it wasn't. Sapphire is a quiet country storefront and Ruby dreams. [Human!AU set in a small rural town. The writing is beautiful, the relationship and yearning between Sapphire and Ruby comes through clearly, and the atmosphere shines. It’s really good and even if you’re not a human AU fan, you should check it out.]

Cleave by susan_voight, thingswithwings (Ruby/Sapphire, 8k): “Tell me a story,” Steven asks, as he shuts his eyes. Garnet, as far as she has the capacity for it, is surprised; Steven is seventeen, and while he still has a tendency towards whimsy, he hasn’t asked for this particular indulgence for years. Not since he was a lot smaller. Garnet feels a little angry at herself for not having noticed that earlier; she feels regretful, too, that she can never seem to see any part of Steven’s adulthood coming in advance. [Garnet tells Steven a story about Ruby and Sapphire and the time they had to separate for a mission. It’s absolutely lovely, a great study of their relationship and how they grow to be even stronger.]

Little Rebellions by CompletelyDifferent (gen, 58k):  Not all Pearls have the chance to run off to another planet and take up arms. Not all fights are grand and romantic. These are the little rebellions- little, but just as defiant. [A wonderful set of interconnected one-shots centered around themes of rebellion and freedom. And all the good world-building! I loved them all.]

Only Human by mllelaurel (gen, 23k):  When a malfunctioning artifact temporarily (they hope!) turns them all human, the Gems must face down a monster infestation, while dealing with the loss of their normal powers and their own sudden fragility. [This very much reads like a multi-episode arc and it’s absolutely delightful. The insecurities and vulnerabilities the Gems struggle with are ones that are always there, but they’ve been magnified and brought to the surface with their human state and it’s just really well-done.] 

Pushing By Like Hearts by mautadite (Lapis/Peridot, 13k): “Sounds like you’re really counting on that road trip magic.”(Peridot and Lapis do Midway City, and Empire City, and Plateau Ville, and all the places in between.) [Peridot and Lapis go on a road trip and it’s wonderful. Love the imagery, the development of their relationship, and the characterization.]

starwalker’s birthday by the_sockpuppet (Pearl/Garnet, 11k):  Garnet wonders if she is Rose’s replacement. Pearl wonders how Garnet could love her. [I love this fic and the way it navigates their relationship and all the insecurities they bring along to it. The focus is very much on communication and being open and working through things, and it’s very good.]

the meek shall inherit the earth by Ushio (Pearl gen, 958): "Where was her Pearl?" asks Blue Zircon. Well. She was holding the sword. [Even though this was supremely jossed, it makes for a good, poetic read.]

Waltz of the Nian by QuickYoke (Lapis/Peridot, 6k): Lapis doesn't understand fusion at heart, but she does know she's an unideal partner for it. Set after the season 3 finale. [A character study of Lapis and her relationship to fusion, and the moments when Lapis almost fuses with Peridot. It’s well-written and it handles the subject of trauma + navigating boundaries and intimacy beautifully.]

where we love is home by possibilityleft (Pearl/Garnet, 532): "You're looking at me differently now," Garnet says.Slight Pearl/Garnet. Post-regeneration for them both, Garnet and Pearl have a discussion. [Early rebellion days, a short conversation that holds a lot inside it.] 

Tangled the Series

strings by pathygen (Cassandra-centric, 19k):  The weight of the stone should be concerning, but it’s not. She’s never been unfamiliar with weight. [This fic is a fascinating exploration of what could happen with the Moonstone and the ghost. It’s also a fascinating story of becoming lost in your own anger and insecurity, how that can twist you and make you someone you’re not. It’s dark and painful and I read it in one sitting because I couldn’t tear myself away from what was going on. It’s also a slow build to the final confrontation, which is stunning and one of my favorite moments in any fics I’ve read this year.] 

The Adventure Zone 

tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow by fishycorvid (Taako-centric, 28k): The funeral of one of the birds should have more attendants than this, some part of Taako thinks. But Magnus hadn’t wanted that, of course; he’d told Taako as much decades ago, just a few years after the Day of Story and Song. Taako had laughed then, told him he’d regret it when there weren’t any adoring fans weeping and tossing flowers into his grave. Taako isn’t laughing now, here in this clearing with the body that used to be his friend. (What comes after the end.) [As you might expect from the summary and warning about character death,this fic is painful. You will cry and your heart will hurt. But it’s also very well-written and a beautiful exploration of grief and having to live on and how sometimes things don’t work. Sometimes you pretend you’re fine but you’re not, you’re on a self-destructive spiral. That said, it’s also juxtaposed with some really lovely moments between Taako and his family, his friends. Highly recommend!] 

The Last of Us

landscape by januarys (gen, 854): It's the moments that define who they are, the spaces in between, and as the seasons fade into one. [A lovely stream of moments over the course of the game between Joel and Ellie.]

The Umbrella Academy

Keep Trying by pprfaith (Vanya & Klaus, 8k): At thirteen, a drunk Klaus goes wandering the mansion instead of locking himself into his room. Seventeen years down the line, he saves the world. In between, they're all just trying not to drown. (Klaus and Vanya against the world.) [This fic is lovely and healing and imagines a different world where things are still messed up because Reginald is the worst dad but there’s also support and comfort and learning how to trust.]

Try Again by pprfaith (gen, 57k):   They have outlived their father. They've managed to fix themselves. A little. Sort of. So from here on out, things should be peachy, right? [The Hargreeves get the healing and recovery they deserve, lots of good sibling dynamics, confronting what Reginald did to them, I really love this fic.]