#and he passes his own experience and interpretation as THE actual real deal

[from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras]

In one of your posts you mentioned that you h/c that Theodred didn’t marry because he didn’t find love till later, and that he didn’t feel the call to parenthood. Do you believe the latter might have been due to him losing his mother at birth? I imagine that would have been traumatic, and something that might have affected his decision to not have children.

The loss of his mother at the time of his birth would absolutely have impacted his life in huge ways, and I think it probably did affect his feelings about parenthood in that he would have lingering fears/trauma around the very notion of childbirth that would make him extremely resistant to the idea of putting his own wife at risk that same way. (Though my Théodred was unmarried when he died, he had finally found the lady he wanted to marry and was engaged.) So that’s a big deal for him — he lost one important woman in his life that way, and he would never want to lose another when his own decisions could help to avoid it. (Poor, sweet, tragic Théodred!!)

But I also like to HC him as someone who never actually felt the inclination to be a parent anyway. Not everyone does, and I think that’s a valuable perspective to represent because it’s not one we see a ton of. (And if you feel that way in real life, you definitely get a LOT of messages from all sides that constantly try to delegitimize your feelings or shame you for having them.) Plus, I think it’s a reasonable inference that fatherhood just wasn’t his priority based on what else we know of his canonical life and behavior. As Rohan’s most eligible bachelor, already into his middle age and presumably under pressure to produce an heir, the fact that he seems to have taken no steps toward fatherhood or had any sense of urgency around it suggests to me that it wasn’t something he had in his heart.

So yeah, I thinks it’s a “both” situation. I definitely believe Elfhild’s death negatively shaped the relationship he had to the idea of childbirth such that he wouldn’t have wanted to pursue it. But I also think he wouldn’t have had kids regardless because he also wasn’t drawn to it. And he was 1) generous and smart enough to know that having children simply to check that box on the list of life experiences wouldn’t be fair to those children or to himself; and 2) confident enough in the quality of character that his cousins displayed to know Rohan would be in good hands if the crown passed to their line after his own death.

Thanks for asking! ♥️ I’m always up for talking about Teddy or hearing anyone else’s thoughts/interpretations!

[townofcadence]

✨ What was your inspiration in making your muse?

Munday Meme ✨ What was your inspiration in making your muse?

I ended up getting on a roll, apologies, so I put this under a read-more ^^;;;

It depends on the character for sure! I usually end up really vibing with a concept i want to build around, like a personality archetype or a story element. Usually this is a pretty generic concept, and then I build out the rest of the OC, trying to understand their place in the world and how the life they've lived has affected who they are, and make it more personal to me so I get attached.

Caelan for example, is a fae prince who was raised as a weapon by his family during a war, due to his abilities and how intense his magic is-- he was hunting the enemy prince down, had him cornered in a fight, when the ground falls apart beneath them and they're pulled underground-- deep into webbed catacombs, where they're hunted by a monster over and over again. His whole concept was basically born from the desire to play with the idea 'character trapped in a maze being hunted by a creature'. Which--- was initially a concept i started playing with because of a song about the ghosts in pacman being trapped in the game and eaten by pacman xD

I think the main exception to this style of creation for me is Artair, which I'm sure you were asking about! So I apologize ahead of time for the tangent incoming xD

My very first character I ever rped online was Arthur from Mystery Skulls Animated, which was a collection of music videos following a plot revolving around four main characters dealing with the supernatural, set to indie artist Mystery Skulls' songs. But the thing was, MSA only gave us the vaguest details about the characters when the first video came out, which is when I started writing him. The most we knew about Arthur was that he had been possessed and forced to kill a teammate, and that he lost his arm to an animal teammate that seemed to stop the possession. Also that he was kinda like-- a fraidy cat? MSA was basically a parody of Scooby Doo with a twist, so he was a little like a yellow shaggy lol.

But yeah, it was actually really cool because every version of the same character was so wildly different, because it was so vague that there was so much room for interpretation! We weren't sure how well the group knew each other except that they were on the same team, we were only given blood types to determine personality, we didn't even know if the animal teammate spoke to the team-- even things like how they grew up or where they were or family dynamics were up in the air at the time. When his uncle was revealed soon after the video, I wrote Arthur as growing up with him after his own parents passed, but there were dozens of interpretations-- some where Arthur only came to live with him as an adult, or an older kid, with details ranging from his family was bad news, passed, or just too busy to look after him. One of the characters didn't have a last name for years. It was all kinda just--- free real estate lol.

So over the course of a decade I wrote him, i built out every detail about Arthur, including stuff like his history/backstory, his relationships, his abilities, his personality beyond the fearfulness-- even some details about the events that were canon. Over time as I was writing him, he changed personalities in a lot of major ways too, as storylines from rps and events happened while writing him. He changed, for better and worse, and the things I focused on more were less and less aligned with canon. I started experimenting with ideas and concepts i really liked too, especially ones like him being a medium, which then further deviated into eldritch/celestial/fae stuff, since I always had a deep interest in those kinds of beings. But that only continued to take him further and further from anything resembling MSA lol.

And I guess at some point a few years ago, i realized he was basically an OC, but with a canon coat of paint?

Soooo I basically took him and gave him a redesign and overhaul to make him an OC. I kept some elements i loved of Arthur that drew me to him in the first place, but I tried to get away from his original design as much as I could without making him feel too different to my brain. I kept a version of events similar to the first video, due to how formative they were, but everything else pretty much got chucked out. The rest I kept was heavily altered if it wasn't reliant on my own headcanons already.

The only other thing I kept was kind of keeping his name similar. I kept Arthur as a name he used for a while growing up due to kids being mean about 'weird' names, which he still uses as a safety precaution with people/fae, since so much of his history he was known by it. Then I gave him a scots version as his official legal name, since I had headcanoned Arthur was directly scottish anyways and would likely pick it, with the headcanon that as Artair got older he stopped caring what people thought of his name and started going by the one he chose. It was different enough to feel i was separating him from MSA, but close enough that it didn't feel wrong when I was so attached to 'Arthur' as his name for a decade (part of my initial attachment to him was connection to Arthur as a name and him being the color yellow, whoops)

But yeah! Overall for me, it's just about interesting or fun narrative concepts. And then there's Artair being the one canon guy who got hit with extreme OC-ification beams over time xD

Also, here's an old and silly spider-man meme doodle of Arthur and Artair if you made it this far xD

[heavenforblog1111]

Alive is one of the most significant songs by Pearl Jam. It is their debut single and was released on 7th July 1991 as part of their debut album 'Ten'. Alive is the song that feels like a very cheerful song to listen to, but actually has a very dark backstory to it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qM0zINtulhM The song mainly tells the story of Eddie Vedder and his childhood experience, but the song's origins actually date further back to when Eddie joined the band. In 1990, Pearl Jam's guitarist Stone Gossard composed the music for the song 'Dollar Short' when he was still part of the band called 'Mother Love Bone'. The lead singer Andrew Wood had even sung on it but died later due to heroin overdose. Stone Gossard, Jeff Ament and Mike McCreedy started playing together intending to start a new band. Dollar Short and 4 other songs were put into a tape and circulated around to find a new singer and drummer for the group. Eddie Vedder found the tape through Jack Irons who was the drummer for Red Hot Chilli Peppers at the time. Eddie wrote the lyrics for it and sent them to the band through mail and was called by the band. They were joined by drummer Dave Krusen and eventually formed and took the name of 'Pearl Jam' after signing with Epic Records. Song Meaning The song is based on Eddie Vedder's real life. His mother Karen Lee Veder had divorced his biological father Edward Louis Severson Jr when Eddie was an infant. She remarried Peter Mueller who Eddie thought of as his biological father. He went by the name Eddie Mueller for a long time. Karen and Peter divorced but Eddie stayed with his father Peter in California so that he didn't have to change schools. After the divorce, Eddie learned the truth that about his biological father. By the time he came to know about it, Edward had already passed away from multiple sclerosis. Edward had met Eddie before but Eddie only thought of him as an old friend of his parents. The original story being told in the song is of a young man being made aware of some shocking truths. And one was that the guy he believed to be his father while growing up was not, and number two was that his real father had passed away a few years before. As if adolescence wasn't tough enough... The guy was me, but I barely knew me then. To be honest I was barely there to be known. So he took this to be a curse, like fine you told me this secret, but I've gotta figure a way to deal with this. And fine the dad's dead but I'm still alive and I've gotta deal with this. So it was a curse. Eddie Vedder Eddie talked about how being alive felt like a curse when he learnt the truth. The fact that his biological father had died and he got to know about it years later made him extremely bitter. However, when the fans heard the song they took it positively and were celebrating when the chorus was being sung during live performances. It felt like they had lifted the curse. So cut to a few years later and we're playing to larger and larger audiences and they're responding to this chorus in a way that you never thought. And folks are jumping up in the aisles, using their bodies to express themselves and singing along 'I'm still alive' en masse. So every night when I look out at this sea of people reacting on their own positive interpretation, it was really incredible. The audience changed the meaning of these words and when they sing 'I'm still alive' it's like they're celebrating. And here's the thing. When they changed the meaning of those words, they lifted the curse. Eddie Vedder There is also an element of her mother having an incestuous relation with her son because he reminds her of his biological father who is no more but that is only a fictional element added to the song. The song is the first part of the 'Momma Son' trilogy followed by Once and Footsteps. Alive is about Eddie learning the truth about his biological father, Once is about becoming disturbed and committing crimes and Footsteps is about ending up in jail.

The band was still broke at the time when they were filming the video. It was made under a budget of $20000, because the band thought it would turn out to be a stupid idea to spend high amount on a video if it didn't sell well. They used a footage of their concert at the club RKCNDY in Seattle on August 3, 1991 because the band despised the idea of lip syncing for their songs. This was the story about the band. Let me know your opinions in the comments below.

[soul-dwelling]

Do you think any readings of black blood as some metaphor for STD's could have been intended by Ohkubo or it's just all in the heads of fans that want to make childrens media "dark and mature" and or edgy trolls that just want to be abrasive for the sake of it

Oh, I’m going to go off the rails towards the end of this post. 

Let’s start with the actual answer to your question before my rant kicks in. 

I can’t remember encountering this reading, or having made that interpretation (although it wouldn’t surprise me, after 10 years with this fan blog, with thousands of reblogs and original posts, that there isn’t a post where I or someone else didn’t bring it up). 

I think what mitigates that reading for me is that the Black Blood, while passing along the same condition from Crona to Soul, is presented as passing along a more mental condition of “madness” (admittedly, Ohkubo’s portrayal of madness in his fiction is not directly aligned with how it works in our world--seeing as he is writing magical fiction, not something strictly realistic). 

So, I’m too distracted by “shared mental condition due to an ‘infection’” before I think, “Um, is this tapping into something problematic where Ohkubo is not portraying STIs well?”

I can’t figure out an author’s intention (even though enough of my replies today are trying to do that). But what I see from Ohkubo, I don’t see enough other context clues to make me think he intended for the Black Blood to be read as a metaphor about STIs. Given how the manga wraps up with the entire world under a form of madness, I don’t see how that speaks to anything about STIs. 

And now, the rants--and neither one is in response to your question, they are just tangential and on my mind given *waves hands at how fucked up everything is right now in this real world we’re stuck in*. 

(And before anyone says, “Ohkubo’s Chapter 113 predicted COVID,” no, he fucking didn’t. If anything, at best, I could say, between how Soul Eater ends with everyone just tolerating the Madness of Boobs, and how Fire Force ends with Shinra forcing onto everyone else a lack of concern about dying, this is more like Ohkubo darkly anticipating, by logic or cynicism, how humans would create to something: they would just accept the problem and, rather than avoid it or try to fix it, just normalize it, because they are too lazy and heartless to give a shit about the problems they are putting onto other people and would rather go without a vaccine or a mask or social distancing--and yes, I am ranting now, because goddamn it, this shit has gone on for years and has compromised the health and livelihood of so many people who can’t afford the financial, mental, emotional, and physical costs.)

I don’t think it’s only that fans want to make it dark or mature or want to be edgy trolls--that’s all part of it. But some fans just want dark humor to let the tension out, to work through their fears or traumas. I would not tell someone dealing with an STI that they can’t crack this kind of a dark joke--they’re dealing with this problem, I’m not, let them speak about their own experience, even if I don’t agree with the interpretation or find the experience to be in such contrast with the tone of the original work. Same if someone did indeed want to read this as similar to COVID (even as my rant above, more so in anger at the “___ predicted ___” memes that just piss me off, shows I’m not a fan of that reading, either). 

And I would quibble over whether we can put Soul Eater into children’s media--but that’s a discussion about how much of the series can definitely be handled by children, how norms and demographics differ between Japanese audiences and audiences in other settings, how there are children who can handle something thought not to be for their age group and some children can’t, so the entire demarcation of something as “children’s media” and something as “adult’s media” has more to do with reception and engagement that varies person to person rather than a necessarily blanket category. 

(...Almost like why book bans going on in my fucking country are fucking tiresome: you can leave a book in a library, you can guide a kid to check out that book or not to check out that book, but removing the book from the shelves is the fucking wrong move because now a kid who can handle that book or even adults who also are at that library now can’t get it. It’s also why it's foolish to ban books that are LGBTQA+, or perceived or promoted as such--first of all for the reasons I said above about leaving books there to find their audience, but also because you’re acting as if “LGBTQA+” is synonymous with “adult” when no it fucking is not and when you’re acting like a child can’t be LGBTQA+ when we have seen repeatedly yes they fucking can.)

[premakalidasi]

Listen, I’m up to here with “spiritual” men and frigid women turning their noses up at physical sex (including its supreme form, masturbation) as spiritual practice, simply because they’ve only ever associated sexuality with being an abuser or being abused, and because they’ve never experienced the Divine through the fully embodied, non-sublimated erotic, and most of all, have never experienced full, blissful, union-with-the-Divine or even samadhi during orgasm. 

The female orgasm is vastly different from the male one, for a start. She is not exhausted by it; far from it. She is rejuvenated by it; her body springs into life instead of experiencing a “little death.” If anything, the female orgasm is a little Big Bang (the double entendre is, here, believe it or not, unintentional. Were I to say “spontaneous explosive expansion of space-time,” few would get what I’m getting at). But it is that: where, for the male, it’s unfortunately an end, it is to the woman, a beginning. And yet we’ve had to hear from heterosexual male “adepts” over and over that sexual energy should be retained, that it shouldn’t be wasted, that it shouldn’t be spilled, yadda yadda.

Have you any idea how ridiculous that sounds to someone whose body is built to be the container and developer of sexual energy? Or, for that matter, to any receptive partner, as at least some receptive men and post-op transwomen understand something of how absolutely different it is to experience an internal orgasm where the energy doesn’t leave the body, but where, instead, the expansion and explosion of energy is inwards?

Look. It’s like this. Imagine a pitcher full of water and an empty glass. And when the pitcher is picked up and water is poured from it into the glass, the pitcher feels a relief at his load being lessened there at first, but then he realises he’s getting emptier and weaker and bemoans “Oh, woe is me! I felt a relief of pressure and an unloading of weight at first, but now I feel exhausted, emptied!” And then, in a tremendous feat of ego, being utterly unable to understand that not everyone is a pitcher, presuming that everyone is like himself, he thinks the glass is feeling the same thing. “Glass, I’m so sorry I’ve dragged you into this! You must be feeling so miserable right now!” while the glass is filled, overjoyous, bubbling, swirling, going “I feel so full and rejuvenated! I’m filled with life! Mmm, can I have some more?”

And the pitcher doesn’t understand this at all, is suspicious, calls her an evil witch and topples off the table. And his broken, bitter pieces preach the horrors of this thing to everyone, write it into holy scriptures, into spiritual practices, imposing it onto everyone regardless of how different their build is.

The bliss the female is capable of experiencing is entirely different. It’s due to what her muscles, her complex hormonal, neurological and all kinds of biological workings do at the stimulation, when they prepare her body to--potentially--nurture an entire new life. The plant casts off its seed and it’s done, and it withers away; the earth’s job has only just begun. It rolls up its sleeves; it’s rippling all over with a burst of energy, tingling and busy and alive; never fuller. And that’s not due to her sucking out his energy either, any more than a massive field full of rich earth can nourish itself from just one little seed--the fecundity, the earth in all its complex organisms, is already existent within her, the energies becoming released and activated at stimulation of the vulva and the uterus. 

In fact, it’s even better experienced alone with a suitable toy, without a man having to enter into it all, not due to a technical fault on the part of the man but because that’s the way the female orgasm works. The contractions of the uterus and the pelvic floor muscles build up slowly and, ideally, lead to orgasm--but in practice, they are far too often interrupted by the thrusts of the penetrator because these thrusts are out of synch with the woman’s ripples. When the vaginal walls want to contract (i.e. squeeze), the squeeze is interrupted by something moving inside the vagina (not letting it squeeze down fully), and the cascade towards orgasm is interrupted. And that’s why so many women have trouble having orgasm during vaginal sex: because to time them right, the guy (or whoever delivers the thrusts, regardless of sex or gender) would have to be telepathic. (And incidentally, this is also why it’s easier for a number of women to come from anal sex, because the thrusts aren’t interrupting what the vagina and uterus are doing. They can contract as much as they like, while intense nervous stimulation is still applied; the best of both worlds.) Only when she’s in control of the thrusts, can she pace them to her own ripples so that her vaginal walls aren’t pushed apart just when they want to contract or left without anything to thrust into them when they yearn for a thrust. (And the dildo won’t call you a stupid whore or an evil witch, or tell you to not moan in such an embarrassing way, or otherwise hurt you when he’s inside your body and you’re enduring discomfort and potential pain for his sake, either.) 

But when the vaginal orgasm does arrive, it’s a full-body one, a blissful one, something that ripples through every muscle. If combined with yogic awareness, the chakras burst open; the experience is very much that of flower after flower, a series of petals bursting into bloom, opening, heaving inside, all glittering with sunlight. Or cascades of bright water, rainbow-coloured light--it’s exactly that which is hinted at in some scriptures, but buried under all kinds of misconceptions. There has absolutely been a woman involved there at one point when those concepts were formulated, describing that surge of energy upwards and exploding out at the top of the head. And the rain of nectar, being saturated with nectar? Yep. That’s what it is. 

Therefore, if your only experience of orgasm is post-ejaculatory fatigue, of just bringing the seeds to the field and not knowing what it feels like for the earth--if you never feel the expansion, the ecstasy, the ripples of creation itself radiating through your body in waves, why, pray, do you presume your shallow, pitiful experience is the same for everyone else? And why should you think that sexuality was harmful--it couldn’t be because you were born into the privilege to abuse it? How do you presume to hurt someone when you’re equipped a womb, cause someone an unwanted pregnancy with it, rape someone with a clitoris? Even the woman who’s used her charms to manipulate men still subjects herself to physical pain every time she opens her legs; it’s a shallow victory if it subjects you to the risk of having your body ripped open by a baby and dying as a result. If one woman out of a billion has ever abused sex to the point of molesting someone, it’s been noticed exactly because it’s been an anomaly: she makes headlines in newspapers, but sexual abuse by men is so commonplace it doesn’t even make the news--it’s just accepted as standard. Can you please consider again what it takes for a woman to even dare speak of sex, when she’s faced with that? 

Have you thought of what it would be like to have sex so that you were the one being penetrated, and that the default would be that you never had an orgasm? Because that’s the reality of most women on this planet. Stop and think about that for a while. How would that change your entire view of things? Of how, perhaps, it’s more than just the atrocious tyranny the world exerts over women’s bodies in the name of chastity that makes them reluctant to even discuss sex? Have you really thought of how orgasm is a privilege, something that happens to a male body so automatically it occurs even in sleep, because it’s a biological necessity (but not so for the woman) to ensure the continuation of the species? And how much work it requires for a woman to even conquer the shame over her body to touch it, to study it, let alone enough to learn how it can, potentially, orgasm? And how, if she’s only allowed to have sex with her husband and in ways where she cannot control the thrusts, and she’s shamed out of masturbating, (as most women on this planet genuinely are), it’s likely she never will? Have you really thought of that? Sex, always, with someone grunting on top of you, inside of you, maybe with a little pleasure but without orgasm, unless you’re extremely lucky?

Have you thought of what it’d be like to be born into the half of humanity that’s penalised for expressing sexuality in any way whatsoever? What’s a frivolous little act of amusement for you that you regret as a bit of wasted energy (and to a woman, equal to full samadhi at best), is, for a woman, an extremely radical act of self-expression and wholeness and even daring to fucking exist, performed under the threat of extreme violence and death. It’s not a fucking joke.

Even those “neo-Tantra” books you scoff at, hell, any books about sexuality written by women and involving the use of female genitals for the female’s own pleasure and enlightenment, are radical as fuck. They’re taboo-breaking, consciousness-transcending, seriously fucking out there, in and of themselves. They are the most antinomian, most mind-fucking, most explosive things of all, but egotistical men can’t see that because the stuff these books talk about--getting in touch with your own genitalia--are something men take for granted. It’s accepted that hey, guys think with their dicks. Most of the English-speaking world, on the other hand, doesn’t even know what the word “vagina” means, symbolic of how out of touch women and everyone else is about female bodies. Ask a woman to touch herself and she’ll blanch; ask her to taste herself and she’ll throw up. 

And you know what? I’d read even the loopiest, fluffiest, New Agest crystal-crusted version of those over one written by an egotistical male “sage” constantly going on about his own superiority without having ever paused to think of the full human experience, not just his half. He doesn’t even fucking acknowledge I exist, nor does he understand shit about my body’s experience, using it as a tool at best, whereas the hippie New Ager, no matter how cringeworthily misguided, at least respects the female body and allows me to fucking have my birthright of the pleasure it’s built to experience. And these  “updates”, these new practices and variations by people uninitiated by gurus that so many of you sneer at--has it ever occurred to you that they’ve never found the one female guru who understood women, supported women, let alone female sexuality at all? So that they have had to come up with new practices, new religions from scratch? In this, they are not less valuable: rather, more valuable because they finally depart from withered, inhuman old books and fucking allow half of the human race to even exist, and mind-bogglingly, even offer women the (gasp!) chance to expand into all we can be. It’s about time we resurrect and reinvent and rebuild spiritual practices that regard women as more than slaves, penis receptacles, son-producers, housekeepers. 

No, I’d rather listen to the full glass. She’s been shattered over and over, and has had to glue herself together ten times over before she got there, in a world where most women are not ever given glue, and where women themselves restrict the access to glue because it’s dirty and bad and slutty and impure.

It’s a whole different fucking game, a whole different  experience, a whole different world.

Don’t belittle it. Don’t remain in the pitiful accepted ideas of it, whether it’s simple classic patriarchal masculinity or self-sacrificing female chastity where even looking at your body in a mirror is a sin. Accept that you know fuck-all. Accept that you have a lot to learn still. And that you can learn from women, you can learn from gay and bisexual men, you can learn from taking something up your ass. You can learn from gay men’s fear of AIDS a little something of the pain and the risks (not just STDs but unwanted pregnacies, potentially lethal) women have to fear every time they accept a man’s advances. You can learn from what a post-op transwoman has to say. You can learn from what lesbian and bisexual women have to say about how they’ve felt about making love to a woman, or being made love to by both men and women. You can learn by empathising, visualising yourself as the other, via exercises where you try to see something in a way your opposite would. This includes those--especially those--who you think are doing it wrong, and trying to understand what they get out of it; just as in everything in life, even your “enemies” help you achieve a more integral and holistic view that includes as many experiences, ways of being as possible. 

As for this “clinging” business, this “human relationships are transient” thing. Whoever the fuck said you have to have sex with another person at all? Due to the aforementioned biological reasons, for women in particular, masturbation is the key. Making love to The Divine is the key, and hey presto, all your daddy (or mommy, or androgyne trickster deity) issues are solved. Someone, somewhere on the way, forgot to include wanking as sexuality (usually the stuck-up gits who allowed only for procreation and wanted to burn all gays at the stake, even if us and a few other species of ape are the only species who fuck more for social reasons than procreation to the point where we stopped having a heat/mating season once a year and became horny all year round), and that’s when all went downhill. And now people whose only sexuality is with themselves even call themselves asexual, even if, especially for women, it gives you the best, sometimes the only orgasms you can have. Which is, frankly, like a highly skilled brain surgeon calling herself severely motor-impaired and saying she’s retired anyway even if she’s in the operating room, saving someone’s life that very moment. But it’s by and far the best option, especially if you tend to get hysterically clingy and have bad abandonment experiences or just suck at having relationships. Think of it! None of this clinging business that’s always invariably associated with sexuality; none of this people-bonking-people that’s always also invariably associated with sexuality. No unwanted pregnacies, no STDs, going at your own pace, minimal risk of pain, no hurt feelings, no trying to please your partner to the point where it ruins your experience, et cetera, et cetera. 

And nothing, absolutely nothing compares to the state of samadhi, the state of hieros gamos, the full union reached during a Self-powered love-bout dedicated to the Divine. In my four decades of various spiritual practices, I’ve had the good fortune to experience a few types of extreme enlightenment experiences, and let me tell you, that much-vaunted, hard-to-reach state of complete emptiness that one gains with ardurous fasting and yoga? 

It’s boring as fuck. 

It’s dull, boring, lifeless. It’s nothing, absolutely nothing compared to the fully conscious, divine, uterine, kundalini-bursting-orgasm achieved through masturbative meditation: the explosion of LIFE, the radiant sparkling iridescent colourful bliss that is the root of creation itself, of spirit and matter, solve et coagula, Shiva/Shakti, as above, so below, yin/yang, absofuckinglutely transcendental and immanent and all, all, all.

It’s all in how you approach it. For some people, emptiness is their biggest kink, their biggest fetish. But if your body’s built for love, in the absolutely-embodied-and-also-transcendental sense, and you’re not harming a soul by doing it, fucking go for it. 

Note how I’m not telling the entire world that they should take up spiritual wanking (although I’d love that)? Because I know that there are as many paths as there are people, but for some reason, there’s a conspicuous amount of stomping over certain paths, and in the world’s usual misogynistic manner, practices by and for women that celebrate the female body are laughed at and attacked because vulvas are, apparently, that fucking terrifying. I could devote an entire rant to how we need to disassociate sex from abuse (because that’s the usual reason these practices are dismissed, and frankly, tantra, in and of itself full of deeply morally suspect scriptures, does attract the worst types of guys--the amount of so-called gurus and babas in that who treat women like shit and are only after siddhis and other ego-boosting things is too high), but that’s for a later date. Women and queers in particular know what it’s like to be on the receiving end, so thanks to us knowing what hurts in bed, we’re equipped with some tools there already to change things for the better. It’s a shitty way of learning empathy to have to have been bullied, but there you have it.

This is not to shame anyone into thinking they’re inadequate. (That’s the same tool that’s been used against women for millennia.) It’s the voice of all those who’ve been told to shut up by people who think they know better, and who have dictated the rules so far. But no matter how hard you try, the full experience of Divine bliss, the full existence of the Universe is not all male and/or asexual, and you need to shut up and listen for once. I, or Nature, doesn’t actually give a fuck about whether you have a womb or not, whether you have a sex drive or not, whether you have a dick or not. The point is to stop any one group, no matter how numerous and powerful, from trying to dictate the rules (because that causes suffering) and to understand that yours isn’t the whole story (because this knowledge, translated into awareness, helps banish suffering). 

It’s a million times easier to just ignore sexuality than to use it responsibly, especially if you haven’t been given decent tools for it, but that isn’t an excuse to keep on running away. Running away is exactly the thing that causes hallowed, celibacy-preaching yoga gurus to fall for pretty young students, and then be exposed as hypocrites. Solution: don’t be a hypocrite in the first place, but integrate the fuck-power, no matter how difficult it is, no matter if you have to pave the way there yourself. Particularly as this full awareness means you’re not paving the way there with other people’s bodies; once you have even a vague idea of what it feels like to your partner, compassion comes naturally. (And I mean real awareness. Not egotistically thinking you know everything. Real awareness means that even when you’ve been married to someone for thirty years, you still don’t know everything about them and still learn that someone anew every day.) Or, if you decide to pursue the conjugal-bliss-only-with-the-Divine route, I reassure you that if you’re still alive after having handled that, you’re already on the last leg of your journey.

And even if you chose celibacy still because sexuality just wasn’t your thing, the important bit is to stop telling those of us that use it that we’re doing it wrong when we’re hurting absolutely no one by it and, moreover, are 10000% goddamn motherfucking one with the Divine when we do it. (Or, rather, are explosively reminded of our oneness with it, just as much as someone else is, through using another, more “acceptable” method.) And it’s not for you to tell us that we aren’t really experiencing the Divine Union and we’re just deluding ourselves, any more than you can describe a country we live in but you’ve never been to.

This has been a kick into casting off your ignorance and going beyond that into the full experience of the fully intertwined, fully immanent Divine that is the World that is the Divine. Accept that you know fuck-all, accept that you must work seriously and sincerely to know the Other to know your Self and the Whole. I’m giving you my part of it, after being suffocated by your part of it over and over and over, to make even a small difference in the mix, to work towards a balanced understanding of the whole. Even if that balance seems a faraway utopia as long as women continue to oppress themselves and as long as men remain oblivious and as long as the ones who think they’re superior by stepping outside of the two remain smugly passive. 

Even if I just said I’ve experienced bliss beyond bliss, even that is an infinitesmally small part of the whole Bliss. And if I’ve had to go beyond so much shit to get even that, what about those people who’ve never even thought about these things? That’s why these things need to be thought about and talked about, rather than just slammed down as “wasteful” and “dirty” and “depraved” by That Big Guy Who Knows Better. 

Just because something’s covered in human, social, gendered, delusional, traditional, limited, unconscious crap, it doesn’t mean that it’s crap all the way down to the core. Why do we imagine that? We imagine that because it’s so much easier to be a rake or a prude; that handily takes away our responsibility. Yet science evolves, and so must humanity. In our thinking about sexuality, we’re still on the level of thinking the Earth is flat; hell, we haven’t even admitted we’re apes yet. Let alone that we’re intelligent, empathic creatures who are well-equipped for beautiful, blissful ecstasies, for love beyond what we can even imagine.

[sinclair-wax-fan]

I don’t think Victor actually saw patients at the Sinclair’s home during his time as a doctor.

I think all the medical equipment we saw only came later, when Trudy was very sick, with Victor investing in some last ditch off the book medical experiments to try and save her.

And when I say “save her”--there’s actually three versions of how that could be interpreted:

1) Victor kept attempting medical solutions long past when other doctors would have just said “all we can do is make her comfortable,” partially out of co-dependency and largely out of professional pride--and probably greatly to the detriment of his wife’s quality of life in those last few months. 

2) Trudy was not actually in immediate danger of dying due to the tumor, rather that it just altered her personality so drastically (delusions, outburst of violent rages, ongoing disorientation, even possible neurological affects that caused her to loose partial use of her hands or vision--thus requiring her be physically cared for) that he decided to “fix her”/”bring back” the woman he loved--in a manner involving deeply unethical and likely unnecessary medical treatments. 

(This is the interpretation I tend to gravitate to personally--because I think it most reflects how Victor and Trudy saw the world, as extrapolated by their handling of Bo: utilizing any method available--no matter how extreme or unethical or abusive--they thought would make a person behave “the right way.”)

3) The darkest timeline: Trudy never had a tumor. She simply had a severe mental/personality disorder Victor grew tired of dealing with and he decided to try and “fix her.” 

(I personally find this a little too extreme for my taste, but it would be in-line with HoW’s schlocky over the top melodrama.) 

Regardless of how it went down:

I personally headcanon that at the end--whether due to affects of Victor’s medical experiments or him simply being unable to stop growth of the tumor--Trudy was largely gone mentally, nearly reduced to catatonia, but still very much alive. Possibly--though possibly not, depending on how you want to spin it--with months or even years ahead of her. 

I think Victor killed himself partially out of shame and largely out of not wanting to deal with the reality of the situation.

He didn’t want to be left the single father of three high-needs teenagers, while forced to care for his now disabled wife, who he now viewed as nothing more than a testament of his professional and personal failures. 

So he killed himself, and left his kids to deal with the fallout.

And this is all a very long way of sharing this final headcanon:

I don’t think Trudy simply passed away on her own.

I think Vincent euthanized her.

Now--as I said above, I personally like to believe Trudy really did have a tumor and I think it’s clear that Vincent genuinely loved his mother. So, I don’t think this would have been his go too option right out of the gate--I think he would have tried to carrying on care for her on his own for several months. Eventually, however, I think it would quickly wear him down to the point he could no longer continue doing so.

And at that point--after all the behavior that had been modeled for him, with the emphasis that you never revealed “family matters” to outside people and the glaring fact that Bo was likely actively beginning to kill people at this point--I think he would have seen euthanizing her as the only option available to him, and likely the kindest thing to do, in his mind.

I think he also never told Bo what he did.

(For many complicated reasons.)

At the end of the day, I think Trudy’s death is the one death Vincent has caused that he harbors real guilt over.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 320: Deku vs. Class 1-A

Previously on BnHA: Flashback!Kacchan was all “fuck Deku and fuck his stupid goodbye letters, I need to speak to somebody in charge.” Endeavor was all “hello, I am Somebody In Charge.” Kacchan was all “listen up asshole, you need to let us go out and collect our wayward nerd because you stupidly left him alone with All Might and that’s a fast track to disaster right there.” Endeavor was all, “[self-incriminating silence].” Rat Principal was all, “okay sure, have fun kids.” Back in the present, class 1-A was all “hi Deku” and Deku was all “I’M FINE!!!!!” and Kacchan was all “THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT YOU’D SAY YOU DUMB FUCKING NERD” and so the kids all got ready to fight, because OF COURSE they’re gonna fight. Sorry guys, but yeah it’s happening.

Today on BnHA: Kacchan is all “what’s up Deku you look like a possessed Rorschach test, so anyway how are the new quirks coming along.” Deku is all “they’re coming along like THIS” and uses Smokescreen to try and get away. Kacchan is all “PHASE ONE COMMENCE”, and Kouda, Sero, Jirou, and Ojiro leap into the fray to shower Deku with heaps of love and violence, because this is a shounen manga and kicking someone’s ass while simultaneously proclaiming your undying admiration for them is just how it’s done in these parts. The KoudaSeroOJirou squad then passes the baton to Satou, Momo, Tokoyami, Kaminari, and Shouji, who are all “fuck this mask” and do a bunch of stuff to tear Deku’s mask off because they’re the real heroes. Shouto is all “LOOK AT THE LITTLE CRYBABY, THAT’S RIGHT, GO AHEAD AND FUCKING CRY and by the way let us share your burden please,” and once again I swear this is all very deeply moving and touching within the actual context. The chapter ends with Tsuyu being all “look at me. I’m the cliffhanger now,” and damn.

lol what

I don’t think anyone was expecting that. I mean, not that I’ve got anything against Tsuyu or anything. anyways it’s a very nice cover and I love the colors and I hope this means Tsuyu’s gonna do something badass

also, “Deku vs Class A” -- pretty much the expected title, but it’s still got me hyped nonetheless fuck yeah let’s go

IIDA ANGST

Iida Tenya really said “fuck the uniform code, we’re leaving the helmet at home today.” sorry kids, prim and proper C-3PO Comic Relief Iida has left the building. can I interest you in some Serious Iida

meanwhile Kacchan is all “sup Deku, I heard you got a few more quirks, and might I just add that you look like the Snyder Cut of Detective Pikachu”

“you look like a tarred and feathered squid” okay easy there Kacchan. I mean it’s all true of course, but still

“thank you all for coming” OH EXCUSE ME SON, WERE YOU PLANNING ON GOING SOMEWHERE. LET’S JUST SEE HOW THAT PLAYS OUT

yep and there’s Smokescreen, right on cue

okay Horikoshi, I leave it in your hands. hopefully you can come up with some more interesting combos than my dumbass predictions lol

LOL THIS ISN’T A COMBO AT ALL

“explosions solve everything” -- Horikoshi Kouhei, 2021. something something shockwave, something something handwave ta-da no more smoke. lol okay then

oh, ouch

he would know, wouldn’t he. nice application of one of your many hard-earned life lessons, Kacchan

by the way you guys, just as an experiment, I’m going to try to anticipate some of the discourse this week in the hopes of preemptively addressing it and thus saving myself some time later on lol. so here’s our first test run!

ANTICIPATED DISCOURSE: “oh my god what a fucking hypocrite can you believe this fucking guy”

PREEMPTIVE REBUTTAL: it’s precisely because Kacchan has been in this exact situation himself that he’s able to recognize his past self in Deku now and call him out on it. just because it took him sixteen years to get it through his head that he can’t accomplish every single thing completely by himself doesn’t mean Deku has to go down that same path. so yeah, maybe it is a bit hypocritical, but if you insist that the only people qualified to call out stupid shit are people who have never done a single stupid thing in their own lives, then what you’re basically saying is that absolutely no one on earth is qualified lol. so yeah, I’d have to disagree

and one last unrelated note, I’m willing to bet the whole “you didn’t even say a word before you ran off” thing is possibly the first thing Kacchan’s said in this whole encounter that actually does stem from genuine hurt rather than his tough-love-harsh-truths strategy. I’M TAKING NOTES HERE HORIKOSHI. at this rate it’ll take twice as many chapters as DvK2 for them to hash out all the stuff between them, geez

anyway so I gotta say, so far Deku vs. Class A is looking an awful lot like a DvK3 wearing a hat, trenchcoat, and sunglasses lol

OH SHIT I TAKE IT BACK??

FUCK YEAH, YOU GO KOUDA. and I guess he ditched his mask as well! excellent

so far the strategy here seems to be “Kacchan says all the mean tough love shit while the rest of 1-A balances it out with warmth and kindness”, which actually works pretty well imo. Deku is one of those people that doesn’t usually need a Kacchan Translator anyway, but just in case, this is very efficient

mm but of course Deku is slingshotting himself away with Blackwhip. all right then, who’s up next!

FUCK YEAH

okay but seriously you guys, what is going on with Sero’s face in these last couple of chapters though, it’s really starting to unnerve me. is he trying to emulate Kacchan’s whole asymmetrical facial expressions thing?

in fact let me just quickly hit pause here because,

ANTICIPATED DISCOURSE: “SERO IS TOGA??!”

PREEMPTIVE REBUTTAL: no

oh snap looks like Jirou’s getting in on the action too!

poor Jirou probably spent days racking her brain trying to think of something she could bond with Deku over. is Horikoshi doing these in reverse order of the kids who have had the most interaction with him? that would explain why poor Kouda didn’t get a flashback lol

omg. well that answers that

so by my count, Satou and Hagakure are the only ones remaining in this first tier of kids who Still Appreciate Midoriya even though they’ve barely ever spoken two words to him in their lives lol. so they’ll probably be next, and then we’ll get to the next tier of kids who are pretty good friends with him but not quite besties. and then we’ll move on to the IidaRokiRaka trio, and then lastly, to the boy who is in a tier all his own

BUT FIRST, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR

and by “sponsor” I mean the Dekuangst. just in case that wasn’t clear. indeed, many thanks to the Dekuangst for making this all possible

(ETA: okay so this whole “take me away” line seemed pretty weird to me, and sure enough it’s yet another one of those cases where only the verb is specified, and the object is left to the reader’s interpretation. so even though the translation says “take me away”, I’m pretty sure that what Deku’s actually saying is “take you away” -- as in, his loved ones will be taken away by AFO.

and that is literally the way he phrases it, though -- the verb used is “奪う” (ubau), meaning “to snatch away; to dispossess; to steal.” which, god, that hurts my whole goddamn heart though, because for him to say it like that?? not “AFO will kill you”, but “AFO will take you away from me.” he can’t have nice things anymore because of AFO. he can’t be around the people he loves because AFO will hurt them. he can’t have happiness because AFO will take it away from him. anyway so where the fuck is AFO right now, motherfucker I just want to talk.)

by the way can Ojiro just extend his tail to whatever fucking length he wants or what because it’s like twelve feet long in this panel lol

WOOO FUCK YEAH TOKOYAMI

YOU LOVE TO SEE IT!! BUT WHERE’S YOUR FLASHBACK? YOU’VE HAD A BUNCH OF INTERACTIONS WITH HIM, THAT’S NOT FAIR

okay so now Satou’s stepping in which is back to my anticipated order, so maybe Toko will finish his little moment afterward

dskfjfkk

“REMEMBER THAT TIME DEKU BORROWED SATOU’S FOOD COLORING” Horikoshi says, sweating. “AND REMEMBER THAT TIME HE, UM, SMILED IN HAGAKURE’S GENERAL DIRECTION”

actually I am curious about what Hagakure’s part will be because, you know, the whole traitor thing lol

(ETA: funny how we just skipped right over it huh. can we get a traitor reveal countdown started here? definitely getting close to that time.)

whoa lol wtf

MOMO??? THIS HAS MOMO WRITTEN ALL OVER IT DAMMIT

-- SWEET MOTHER OF FUCK

“SORRY MIDORIYA-SAN, I LEFT MY FUCKING CHILL AT HOME IN THE LOCKER NEXT TO IIDA’S HELMET” holy shit lmao

and here I thought she’d get a flashback to her time on the Baku Rescue Squad or something. but nope, no flashbacks from Momo, only terrifying sci-fi torture devices

poor Dark Shadow is such a trooper omg

“why am I the only one who has to make prolonged contact with his smelly disgusting self” taking one for the team there DS

FUCK YEAH KAMINARI NO JUTSU

THE PRICKLY BASTARD WHISPERER STRIKES AGAIN!! don’t suppose you brought any clean clothes you could sneakily force him into huh Kami

okay here we go, so now Shouji and Tokoyami are joining forces

um excuse me this is fucking awesome

wonder how he’ll break free? don’t think he’ll reveal Fa Jin until the end of the chapter, so maybe Air Force or something? idk

TOKO GETS AN EXTENDED MOMENT BECAUSE HE IS A TIER TWO PATREON REWARD LEVEL FRIEND YAY

WHY IS MOMO MAKING THIS FACE LOL YOUR THING WAS WAY WORSE

and Shouji just casually hitting him with what is easily the best comment from anyone yet. too bad Deku’s just gonna ignore it. you deserve better Shouji

KAMINARI OMFG

it only just occurred to me that Kami is currently trapped inside Dark Shadow right along with him lmao omg. realest one in the entirety of BnHA, right here. we will never forget your sacrifice

aaaaaaand Deku’s yeeting himself

do you really hate the thought of taking a bath that much my dude

oh shit the mask!!

-- oh shit the feels

o(TヘTo)

fuck. and I mean, we knew he was crying, that was a done deal. but still, to see him in this much pain is just...

and the acknowledgement that he knows they’re worried about him, but that it doesn’t change his mind one bit. this, right here, is why they have to be a bit harsh with him, you guys. because they’re up against the full, unbridled stubbornness of Midoriya fucking Izuku, and if they don’t match that stubbornness with an equal stubbornness of their own, they basically don’t stand a chance

(ETA: quick note that there is apparently another mistranslation here -- rather than saying that his friends are oblivious to the danger, what Deku is actually saying is that none of his friends have activated his Danger Sense once throughout this entire fight. which I had been wondering about, and it turns out Horikoshi actually confirmed it. so basically none of the kids bears any ill intent toward him, and there’s literal proof right there.

incidentally, as @class1akids​ pointed out, this also casts an interesting light on this chapter in terms of who hasn’t fought Deku yet. not to play the Hagakure Traitor Music for the billionth time you guys, but I’M JUST SAYING lol.)

anyway, but the good news is that they all seem to understand that. and the even better news is that we have reached the tier 3 friends!!

���OR ELSE” lol, great to see Shouto wielding his friendship just as aggressively as Deku once did towards him. I do love a good role reversal

p.s., ANTICIPATED DISCOURSE: “why is Shouto being so cruel to Deku can’t he see how hard this is on him”

PREEMPTIVE REBUTTAL: this is a callback to the classic “even heroes cry when they have to” Shouto line from chapter 137. Shouto is clearly following Kacchan’s lead here and going for the more ruthless approach, knowing that the gentle approach isn’t getting through to him (if anything it’s only making him more stubborn as we saw on the previous page). basically it’s his way of pointing out that even heroes are still only human, and so is Deku last time he checked

ah okay, and there Tsuyu is at last

okay real talk, I get why Tsuyu is included in the tier 3 friends, because she was one of the first people to team up with Deku going all the way back to USJ. but that said, this probably would have had more impact if their most recent interaction hadn’t been like 150 chapters ago

but anyway though it’s still a good speech. maybe not quite a cliffhanger-level speech, but a good speech nonetheless. in a way though, I’m glad to see that Horikoshi seemingly didn’t give a fuck whether he ended this on an actual cliffhanger or not for once

and that “headed toward the climax” part has me excited too, ngl. because if we really are getting to the so-called climax this soon, that makes me even more certain that there is indeed a DvK3 in the forecast. so I presume that next week (or I guess two weeks from now) will be the tier 3s along with the remaining tier 2s like Kirishima and Aoyama

and then after that, well... [orange and green banners being hoisted] [sound of screeching airhorns and vuvuzelas in the distance] [sound of All Might approaching in his car which I didn’t notice until I looked back at this page a second time whoops] THE PROPHECY WILL NOT BE DENIED

[11quillen11]

ABOUT THE JINX/POWDER DICHOTOMY, SILCO & VI

So, this one is a bit long and rambly. I wrote it a little while ago and am only finding the courage to post it now because I might (or might not, I'm not promising anything) start posting metas on the Witcher season 2 which I've just finished watching (spoiler: saying I didn't like it would be an understatement). In any case, enjoy! ^^

The Jinx/Powder divide is a false dichotomy. Jinx is Powder and Powder is Jinx, they can be interpreted as two different personas belonging to the same person, but they are not two different people. This is why I disagree with the idea that Powder “died” and now only Jinx remains, or that Jinx must die for Powder to “come back”. The Jinx persona exists becausePowder survived, she is the consequence and manifestation of Powder’s survival guilt and inability to cope with the many traumas of her past on top of her mental illness(es). Similarly, Jinx is Powder’s future and present, the “real Powder” cannot come back because the life that Powder has lived as Jinx cannot simply be erased from her memory. That being said, Silco was a loving dad but not a good one, and y’all are way too hard on Vi.

I understand why one would grow to love Silco after his beautiful declaration to Jinx just before he died by her very hand. We all want the kind of validation that he provided Jinx, the knowledge that no matter how fucked up we are, how much we fail, how worthless we believe ourselves to be, there will be somebody who we love and who loves us back unconditionally. Somebody in whose eyes we are perfect, no matter what we do. Even better if that person is a parental figure, of course. However, although it is comforting and validating to be told that, I don’t think it necessarily means that the person telling that is a good parent, this for two reasons in particular: 1) Jinx is not perfect, she is struggling, she is in pain, she destructs things and people as well as herself, 2) I’m not sure that Silco’s love is actually unconditional. The first point being, in my opinion, pretty self-explanatory, I want to expand on the second one straight away. Silco, because of his personal experiences, believes that the best way to help Jinx is to help her kill and bury Powder (cue the water baptism scene), but as per my introduction, I believe it is wrong to want to separate the two, not to mention impossible. Jinx will never simply forget the life she led under the name Powder, because Jinx is Powder and Powder’s experiences are hers. What Jinx needs to do, is stop trying to separate the two and accept to deal with her memories of/as Powder is a healthier way.

I’m sure that Silco sincerely believes what he is trying to do is the best course of action for Jinx, and I respect that, but the man is clearly too blinded by his own pain and trauma to realise that not only is his adoptive daughter not okay, as years pass by, she is simply not doing better. She is stronger, she is smarter, yes, but she is not healthier and I don’t know what it looks like to you, but she doesn’t seem particularly happy to me. Silco doesn’t see that because he’s centred his entire identity around the fact that he survived Vander’s betrayal. Seeing as he has no other close connections, we can assume that Vander was the only person he was close to in the past. Silco, as much as he wants to pretend that he has gotten over Vander’s betrayal, still longs for this kind of close bond – he wants somebody to love who will love him back unconditionally and never betray him. He finds that person in Jinx and becomes that person for Jinx, and because that is really all he has ever wanted and needed, emotionally speaking, since Vander’s betrayal, he cannot conceive that it isn’t enough. That Jinx might want and need more than just Silco.

I mean, the poor girl is responsible for the death of her adoptive father and her two adoptive brothers and is then seemingly abandoned by her sister. After that, I don’t think that teaching her not to create any bond with anybody else ever is the way to go. And although yeah, sure, Silco didn’t lie when he told Jinx that Vi was dead because he sincerely believed she was, Silco still consciously did everything that he could to emotionally isolate Jinx until he was the only person that she would trust and find comfort in. The only person that she had. Because the fact that Marcus told Silco that Vi was dead implies that Silco inquired on Vi’s whereabouts, supposedly with the intention to kill her anyway. Then, when he knows that Vi has come back, his immediate reaction is to try and kill her before Jinx learns that she’s alive and has come back for her, which I understand as him being afraid that Vi would take her away. And for those of you who might say that Silco believed Vi was there to capture Jinx and take the Hex Crystal, I just want to point out that he makes no indication that this is the case when he confronts Vi at her old home. Silco wants Vi dead because she could rally people against him, and specifically, “steal” Jinx from him. But Silco needs Jinx and he needs her to need him.

So Jinx is a traumatised kid who deals with her trauma by forcing herself to relive it constantly (creating Mylo and Claggor dolls, making explosions and causing deaths, etc.), thus never allowing herself to move on from the pain and guilt she feels, and Silco not only encourages that self-destructive (and generally destructive) behaviour, he makes it worse by actively dissuading her from seeking help and comfort from people other than him who might give her different perspectives on herself and what happened. And he does so in part because he is afraid that her getting close with someone else would lead to him losing her.

Again, I do not believe that Silco ever meant to hurt her. I sincerely believe that he loved her with all his heart and wanted the best for her. I’m just saying, he clearly doesn’t have the healthiest perspective on things in the first place and Jinx suffers for that. I mean this same guy who is sincere and passionate about wanting to “free” Zaun from Piltover is actively making Zaun a more dangerous place to live in by popularizing Shimmer and creating a system where the chembarons hoard all of Zaun’s money at the expense of all the people who work for them. Silco has good intentions but his means are not only immoral, they are also self-sabotaging. On another note, I just want to make clear that I do not think Silco’s love for Jinx is anything other than fatherly and vice-versa. On the other hand, I do think that there is something a little uncomfortable about their interactions in some of their scenes but I believe the point is to show us the unhealthy aspect of their relationship rather than to imply incest or something.

As for Vi, I think it’s crazy that people “blame” her for not accepting Jinx and only wanting Powder back when 1) we know what the word “jinx” associated with Powder means to her (immense guilt and a crushing sense of failure), 2) Jinx is a murderous criminal and a terrorist, and 3) where and when does Vi even reject Jinx anyway?

Granted, even though the Ekko v Jinx fight on the bridge is the best fight in the show and I love it with all my heart, it makes little sense for Vi to let Ekko handle Jinx without even trying to talk to her. I can see how that scene could be interpreted as Vi leaving Jinx behind for Caitlyn. Overall, I think it could have been done better. But even in that scene as it is, we know that Vi was about to come back after having deposited Caitlyn safely on the other side of the bridge. Also, Jinx had tried to shoot at Cait like a few seconds prior so it’s understandable that Vi would want Cait to be safely out of the picture before she has a talk with Jinx. Besides that scene, the only moment where one could get the idea that Vi doesn’t accept Jinx is during the family dinner scene, where Vi won’t call Jinx by any other name than Powder (again, we know what “Jinx” would evoke in her and she has had ten years stuck in prison to ponder over the fact that she should never have used that word on her sister before leaving her, something that would take a lot of time to unlearn), because she wouldn’t kill Caitlyn to get Powder back (and I mean, of course she wouldn’t???), and because she was speechless after Jinx chose to sit on the “Jinx” chair and officialise her turn to the dark side (which reads more like shock to me, a very understandable reaction imo). Vi only ever wanted to be with her sister again, and the fact that she offered the two of them leave the city together suggests to me that she wanted to help Jinx/Powder move on from her trauma in a healthier way, in a calmer, more peaceful environment.

In conclusion, I think that despite being a very loving father, Silco failed Jinx in many ways, and that despite refusing to call her sister Jinx, Vi still loves her and wants nothing but the best for her. All three of these characters are fantastic and incredibly well-written. Stan Arcane.

[theregoesmylurkerstatus]

So... I have a lot of thoughts on the finale. I've deliberately kept my mouth shut, more or less, on the campaign overall because I'm a firm believer that you can't pass judgement -- at least not complete judgement -- on stories until they're over and done with.

Well, it's done! Kind of crazy. I've been watching Critical Role with almost insane consistency, viewing almost every single episode live, with maybe five-ish exceptions, since episode 19, and I've been blogging it for, what, two and a half years?

It's a weird feeling. It's been such a constant thing for me that I'm always gonna have love for it and remember with a lot of fondness.

...Which is in spite of the fact that I can now comfortably say I'm pretty eh on the ending. I know not being positive about something most of us have loved a lot for a very long time can sting a bit, but I personally think it also stings when people relentlessly crow over how good they think it is or want it to be, to the point where you feel you can't voice your absolutely valid upsets or dissatisfactions. So, here goes, if anyone's interested! I'd be curious to see other opinions, too!

I actually drafted a post talking about my overall frustrations with the campaign a whole two weeks ago, and then scrapped most of it when 140 blew me out of the water. I was really touched, and really happy. I hadn't expected it, but it shockingly felt right, you know?

Unfortunately 141 robbed me of most of that satisfaction and brought me right back to neutral.

The blanket statement you have to make, of course, is that you can’t criticise this as a DnD game, and you can’t be mad at the cast for playing it in a way they think is best for them. They’re the players, Matt’s the DM, and in the end it makes no sense for them to try to make themselves act how they think the audience wants them to, and I’m sure most of the audience wouldn’t like the result anyway.

That said, there is an audience. And that’s where I see this clash coming in. As a DnD game, as long as the players and DM have all enjoyed it and been satisfied, it’s a successful game! But for us, it’s not a DnD game. For us, we’re watching a story be written in real time through the medium of an RPG. And while as a DnD game you can’t fault it, as a piece of media, I completely get why the way things have gone has sat weirdly for a lot of people.

It's not satisfying to see so many character hooks dealt with so quickly or left as an offscreen "and then you do it." If they don't want to keep playing to dive into it, absolutely, but for us who have been watching this as a story with all these character elements get so built up, it's a huge anti-climax.

Which is a lot of what this campaign has been, really.

Oh, Nott’s cursed! But through a really cool character moment that problem is completely taken care of with no consequences we see. Yay, I want her to be Veth and that was an iconic move from Jester! Still, it kind of feels like this was built up to be a big problem and at the first success it was let go... Caleb's got a really intense frightening past he tries to hide, I wonder how the Mighty Nein will respond? Oh, they found out, but it's not a difficult revelation for anyone. Looks like it's easy for them to move past it and forgive. Yeah, that's healthiest for the characters, but huh, kinda undercuts it as a storyline or point of interest. Oooh, Avantika’s back! Ah, they’ve killed her and grabbed the eye again. I mean I don’t want them to die or for Uk’otoa to be free, but I’m starting to feel like that’s not much of a threat anyway. The Traveler’s been kidnapped! Nah he hasn’t, he tried to save Jester so he was let go with no further issue, and also he wasn’t actually in any danger anyway. Oh... Cool. So... Why should I care or be worried?

And these are just the biggest ones I remember being kind of let down by. I wanted to see them STRUGGLE for the successes to have meaning. To my view, threats of failure -- real failure -- really decreased the more the campaign went on, with a few exceptions.

Because don't get me wrong, we've definitely had struggles, and those have made for some of the best moments! Molly’s death, Yasha’s kidnapping, Yeza’s imprisonment. When failures that were threatened are allowed to occur, it’s far more gratifying when it’s followed by success, because you understand that that success was actually necessary. It shows us that what they do really means something.

Honestly, that's why the final battle really shut me up, because nothing makes you quite feel stakes and failure like having two PCs die, and having a resurrection ritual fail -- AND knowing that failure would be delivered on, had it not been for a seemingly miraculous roll of the dice to turn it around. One of the greatest failure's -- Molly's death -- made the success of his resurrection put a lot of my other issues to rest immediately, because to be honest? Molly's resurrection was the biggest success of the campaign, exactly because it was originally the biggest failure.

But this episode, we got to see the other side of making threats and successes feel disappointing -- when you get the impression that success was robbed from you. Again, their characters, their choices, but to have them roll an intervention to get Molly's soul, to convince Molly to come back with his own possessions they've so loved, after so long and so many struggles... only to apparently not get Molly at all?

Changed, of course. Memories, maybe he'd never get them back, though that seems inconsistent to how the initial resurrection was played and Matt's hints. It even makes sense that not having his memories and being a bit different, he might forge a new identity, but insisting Molly was a different person entirely after such a supposed hard won success to get Molly back, especially after what his death meant to the audience and potentially healing that old wound? It robs the narrative of a LOT of catharsis, at least for me and I know many others.

Trent, too, I'm very up and down on. He was so built up -- and what fun that build up had -- and I very much disagreed with the idea that the best story would be dealing with him offscreen.

It's true that you don’t need to explicitly address, confront, or explore every big aspect of character's story hooks and background ties for PCs to move past them and grow healthily. But that does not make it a satisfying viewing experience. People quietly healing in real life is healthy. People quietly healing in an explosive fantasy setting is frustrating for the audience.

What on earth is the point of a story if you don’t get to SEE THE ESTABLISHED CONFLICTS go anywhere? A lot of the characters got distant, quiet resolutions, if that, to everything we wanted to see.

Except, we did get to see Trent. It was a really fun, inventive battle, from opening to conclusion, but much like Travelercon, much like Nott's/Veth's problem with the hag, these were things that the audience in general wanted to see be really dug into and explored, and every single one of them got, in my opinion, quickly tidied up instead. Trent got beaten in the first and only proper battle they had with him, which, after all his build up, is pretty disappointing for a villain many of us wanted to see be a big deal. It really just felt like they were trying to tidy up to get on with the epilogue, which is not what a lot of us were looking for with Trent especially.

And that's how most of their endings felt to me. It didn't feel like any of them had reached a comfortable conclusion. Literally all of them, bar Veth and Caduceus, continued on their character journey threads, without each other and very quickly. Meeting Yasha's tribe and Vandran, Caleb finally openly debating changing time for his parents, Trent and Zeenoth's trials and the changing of the guard at the Assembly... All were things it would have been so fun to have all the PCs react to and explore together, and instead they were fleeting encounters in the latter half of a seven hour finale.

Is all this, from Molly not really coming back to Trent being a finale side plot to the Nein continuing on their individual journeys, potentially realistic to how these fantastical things might go down in real life? Sure! But that's not necessarily a good thing.

Stories THRIVE on conflict and resolution. That’s what makes them FUN! Conflict isn’t nearly so fun in real life and resolutions are often frustrating question marks, so no, past a certain point I don’t WANT stories to be realistic. I want stories to be SATISFYING.

And campaign 2 has fallen far short of the mark.

I haven’t spoken... Basically a word of this for most of the campaign, because as I said I’m a firm believer that you can’t necessarily judge something until it’s over, and because I ALSO firmly believe that being negative WHILE trying to enjoy something is counterproductive. I have had no interest in spoiling or naysaying the fun of the campaign for anyone, least of all myself.

But it's done now, and all I can say is... I really have had fun. I love the characters. I love their relationships. I’m pretty okay with where they’ve ended up. I’m not mad, really, and I’m still going to think of this campaign with a lot of affection. But it hasn’t been a satisfying story, even though for a week following episode 140 I thought, despite all the brushed over story threads, it might be.

So... to try and reclaim some of that satisfaction for myself, I might ignore some aspects of the finale proper. Namely Kingsley specifically. Taliesin's choice -- but to me, it's pretty clear that who we saw at the end of 140 was Molly, and the tags on my posts will reflect that, just as my 141 tags will be for both Kingsley and Molly, for clarity's sake. I personally want to believe Molly did come back, however others might want to interpret it. The victory in 140 that meant so much to me is hollow otherwise, and it just kind of hurts that we would lose Molly after everything. I was okay with him being dead -- I'm not so okay with his resurrection being stolen.

Kingsley will always be canon, but Molly is what I choose to acknowledge. I get if you don't like that take, and that's okay! I didn't care for canon's in the end. That's the good thing about storytelling, is that no one can stop you from making your own versions.

For the people who are hopefully hyped for campaign 3, heck yeah have fun! I’m on the fence. My investment, which... I think I can objectively say was pretty substantive as this blog will attest, doesn't feel rewarded, so I’m not convinced I can faithfully keep up for over three years all over again with a strong possibility that I will once again be left disappointed. It's been a huge chunk of my life, and... yeah!

I’ll take a break, probably, view (and liveblog, if people want!) campaign 1 when I’ve had a mental stretch and vacation, and then... I might start campaign 3. I definitely won’t be able to put the same time in it I did campaign 2 (my first love no matter what), knowing that it’s likely to not be so vindicated, in the end.

I swear I’m actually writing this in fairly good humour, but I totally get its always disappointing when the people you come to for fandom enjoyment just aren't sharing your fun. Honestly I’m half tempted to write all those frigging AUs I have sitting around! But I wanted to say my piece, and try and logically outline why this ending has been lacklustre for so many people, ultimately myself included.

Episode 140 felt right because it felt like a natural conclusion -- these disparate people coming together and finally being whole, finally soothing the hurt that MADE them so long ago. Episode 141 spat on that sentiment -- they all scattered to the winds, not as happy people to live out their dreams, but as confused people chasing up loose threads towards an unknown future, with the friend they thought returned still lost to them, ultimately.

It doesn't feel like the ending we should have gotten for the Mighty Nine, who were finally, finally all together. Until they weren't. So to me? I choose to acknowledge that they were, even if I have to force it to happen post-epilogue in my head.

[alsaurus-loves-dean]

What Dean Has To Say a destiel fic by alsaurus | rating: T | word count: 3.8k When Cas comes back, he disappears.

He’s supposedly still in the bunker. According to Sam, he doesn’t seem to have left the building at all since he arrived.

Dean wouldn’t know, because Cas is avoiding him.

It’s the only explanation. Why else would it be impossible to find his best friend even though they’re under the same roof 24/7? Not that Dean has really gone looking for him, but still. They haven’t crossed paths once since Cas got back three days ago. This wouldn’t be so weird on its own (yes it would), except Sam sees Cas all the time. So what gives?

Dean knows what gives, but at the same time? He doesn’t really. Cas is obviously reluctant to talk to Dean after what he’d said to trigger his deal with the Empty. He’d said all that under the assumption that he’d never have to face a response. Dean understands. He would definitely feel the same if he were in that position. But Cas? Cas is the bravest, purest, and most sincere person that Dean has ever met. How could someone like that be afraid to talk to someone like Dean?

This isn’t how Dean had expected this to go.

He’d wanted Cas back more than anything he’s ever wanted in his life. He’d never felt joy the way he felt when he saw Cas out of the Empty, back in the bunker where he belonged. Dean knew he needed to be with Cas, that Cas was it for him.

But he’d also kind of assumed that Cas would take the lead, here. Cas, who was so straightforward and free of human insecurities, would be the one to bring it up - if only just to assure Dean that nothing had to change. Then Dean would have the perfect opening to tell him he felt the same. If words failed him in that moment, Dean was also prepared to let his body do some of the talking.

Dean had not imagined that Cas would just straight-up hide from him for days on end. It’s frustrating, but also a little endearing.

Okay, it’s a lot endearing. Very endearing. Some might even say it’s adorable. Not Dean, though. Sure, Cas is so flustered at the idea of talking to Dean about his feelings that he literally won’t show his stupid angel face - so what? What’s even cute about that?

Anyway.

Dean is starting to get antsy about the whole thing. He’s not exactly anxious, but he’s so amped up that his body interprets it as anxiety. He had to cut down on the caffeine because he’d started to feel like he was vibrating out of his skin. For someone Dean never sees, Cas sure does occupy a whole lot of space in Dean’s head most of the time. He finds it difficult to really focus on anything else, so he’s watched a LOT of movies the past few days - just zoning out with only half his attention on the screen.

“Why are you sitting here in the dark by yourself?” Sam asks from the doorway, making Dean jolt in surprise.

Dean hadn’t realized he’d turned the TV off after Dirty Dancing had ended. He really is just sitting in the Dean Cave, in the dark, by himself. Awesome.

“What‘s it to you? And who am I supposed to be sitting with, anyway? Not like Cas wants anything to do with me,” Dean grumbles. Laying it on just a little thick, since he knows better than Sam why Cas isn’t here.

“What is up with you two, anyway?” Sam asks, and it’s obvious that he’s been waiting for the opportunity to do so. He flips the light switch and comes to sit in the other chair. He’s perched on the edge of it, leaning towards Dean as if to signify how very important he finds this conversation. How he’s not going to let Dean out of it.

Fine.

“Cas is just being a baby. He thinks he can just confess his undying love for me and peace out, and then once I rescue his ass he can just avoid dealing with the whole thing,” Dean starts. Then he finds he doesn’t want to stop, despite Sam’s eyes going wide in shock. “Seriously, man, I don’t know how much longer I can take this. Like how long am I supposed to wait? We should have spent these whole three days in bed doing all kinds of freaky shit - but look at me, Sam! I’m sitting alone in the dark without even realizing it because the dude lives rent free in my freakin’ head!”

“Umm,” Sam says.

“I get that he’s nervous, but so am I! I mean, he’s the one whose cards are already on the table. I’m the one who has shit to say! I don’t even know if I’ll be able to say it, but I’ll never find out if I never even see the guy!”

“Okay, hold on. Just a minute. You’re saying that Cas told you...?”

“Yeah.”

“That he - “

“Yep.”

“And you want to say it back.”

“Sure. If you wanna call it that.”

“Come on, Dean.”

“I mean yeah, Sam, what do you want me to say? I have no idea how it’ll go down. I still haven’t seen him since we got him back.”

Sam starts to smile, and Dean doesn’t like the look of that.

“So what, he’s avoiding you because he’s scared of what you’ll say?” Sam asks.

Dean shrugs.

“I guess. Why else would he avoid me and not you?”

Sam’s smile grows as he sits back in the chair, settling in. He watches Dean for a few moments, eyes twinkling like he’s about to say something really stupid. Why did Dean think that opening up about this would be a good idea?

“That’s actually kind of cute,” Sam says.

Dean rolls his eyes so hard he has to throw his head against the back of the chair.

“Don’t you start with that!” Dean groans. “It’s not cute, it’s annoying. It’s cowardice, is what it is!”

“Have you tried to find him?” Sam asks. The smirk on his face tells Dean he knows the answer but is asking just to be a little bitch.

“Shut up. Why does it have to be me, huh? Why do I have to be the one to bring it up?”

“I didn’t say you had to bring anything up. I just mean have you tried to talk to him at ALL? You say you haven’t seen him, but have you looked for him?”

Dean has not. But -

“I already looked for him, in the Empty! And I pulled him out. It was a whole thing! I think the ball’s in his court now.”

“Dean, think about it. You have a lot more experience with this kind of thing than he does,” Sam reasons.

It’s true. But at the same time -

“I have never experienced anything like this. Ever. Especially not with a dude,” Dean says. He feels out of his element, too. That’s why Cas was supposed to take charge! (Dean knows that doesn’t make sense, and he doesn’t care).

The smile on Sam’s face turns gentler, any trace of teasing disappearing.

“I’m surprised you’re even telling me all this,” Sam says.

“Sam, come on,” Dean protests, because he really doesn’t want to get into it.

“No, really! In the past you’ve been… very adamant about being straight.” Too adamant, is what Sam means. He’s not wrong.

“What’s your point?” Dean asks.

“I’m just glad this is happening, I guess.”

Dean can’t help but melt a little at that sentiment. Inwardly. On the outside, he’s still trying to act put out, but the longer he sits there trying not to confide in Sam, the stronger the pull to do so becomes. Like being caught in a wave, Dean finally lets it pour through him.

“It’s Cas. You know? It’s Cas. I spent too long worrying about all that. I’ve lost him too many times, Sam. I can’t really care about all that stuff anymore. So I just want him to know, you know? I don’t want my crap to keep Cas from getting what he wants. He deserves to get everything he wants. He can have it. I want him to have it. And I want him to know that.” Dean stops. Takes a deep breath, because that was a lot. Then he wraps it up. “And that means you’re gonna have to know at some point anyway, so. There you go.”

Sam looks shocked again, but in a totally different way that Dean doesn’t recognize at all. Which makes sense, considering this is the first time Dean’s ever admitted to having gay feelings for an angel of the Lord. It’s an unusual situation.

“That’s amazing, Dean. Seriously. I’m really, really happy for you,” Sam finally says.

Dean can tell he means it. He’s actually not sure he’s ever seen Sam so sincerely pleased. But Dean frowns at that last sentence.

“I don’t know what you have to be happy about just yet. Dude won’t even talk to me.”

“You said yourself that you haven’t even tried!”

“Yeah but I can take a hint, man. He doesn’t want to see me. Otherwise he’d have seen me.”

And it boils down to that, Dean realizes. Because while he understands that Cas is reluctant because he’s afraid, Dean is also hurt. It’s irrational, but he wants Cas’ love for him to be stronger than that fear. He aches for Cas every moment of every day and every night. He’s barely functioning because he feels like his entire existence is on pause - he hadn’t expected to be in this prolonged state of limbo. He’d been ready for Cas. But it turns out he’d been ready for a different Cas, one he’d thought up in his head - because the real Cas, the Cas he loves, is too afraid to face him and Dean has no idea how long that’ll last. He has no idea when or even if Cas will come to him. Every moment that passes could be the moment before Cas finally talks to him. It’s agony. It’s wonderful.

But he meant it when he said that Cas deserves everything he wants. So why should Cas have to seek it out, when Dean could just give it to him?

“I need to find him, huh,” Dean says, and it’s not a question.

“Yeah, man. You should do that,” Sam agrees. There isn’t an ounce of admonishment in his voice. He’s just supporting Dean, and for once, Dean is grateful.

“Thanks, Sammy,” he says,

Time to find the angel.

concluded in chapter 2. read the rest on ao3.

[kaypeace21]

Rebel Robin podcast (ep 3 &4 analysis)

For those who haven’t read them yet. Here’s the analysis for podcast ep 1&2. Analysis of Rebel Robin book-here. And eastereggs from rebel robin novel- here.

So the main things I noticed in ep 3 was how Robin spying was shown as a huge NEGATIVE-and Mr Hauser got upset over her doing so. Robin listens to mr. Hauser’s phone call (like Karen with Mike in s3/ us gov spying on calls in s1) & on a different occasion Robin also eavesdrops on a private convo he is having with someone else in his classroom ( like El spying on Mike talking to Lucas in s3). And when he finds out about this he tells her how wrong it was to spy on other people like that. In the past, I also talked about how the theme of spying is shown for many other st characters ( in the show) and how it  isn’t romanticized like people think it is- here .

Anyways , Ep 3 ends with a call from a h*mophobic teen( Dash) telling Robin to “stay away” from Mr. Hauser cause he’s “dangerous”. Why he thinks he’s dangerous is solely for the fact he’s gay.I think this theme may come into play in s4 Hawkins (in relation to the satanic panic). In ep 4 Robin jokes to (gay) Mr. Hauser  : “ So what are you into... satanism?” (Sadly most queer people have been told over and over we’re going to hell for being gay/lgbt+. it’s sadly an almost universal experience.) For those unaware- the ‘satanic panic’ was a right wing christian movement in the 80′s that WRONGLY associated certain things with supposed satanism.  Just some of the many things they demonized : rock music , stephen king , wearing black,  horror/fantasy media, and of course queer people and d&d (hellfire club - the name is a a xmen ref but in the show it’s probably an inside joke about the satanic panic and people being scared of d&d). We see foreshadowing of the satanic panic hinted in s3 (in relation to d&d)- on tv the narrator asks if “satanism” (pans to d&d set) is to blame for the odd occurrances in Hawkins. And given how the s4 el-trailer had the clock say 3:00am for the “witching hour” also called “the devil’s hour” since it’s supposed to be a subversion of jesus dy*ing at 3:00 pm. And the possibility s4 may take place around Easter.  I think we’ll see that religious (Christian) extre*sm  causes many people in Hawkins to interpret the supernatural as ‘satanic’. And no , I’m obviously not talking poorly about all religious/christian people).

After this Mr. Hauser jokes how Hawkins is like “lord of the flies” and how he “worries” what would happen if teens were left to their own devices-like in the book. The themes in the book mostly focus on the dangers of ‘mob mentality’ and how human beings can become v*olent and turn on each other- if the safety of civilization disappears...

This I believe is foreshadowing - i mentioned in a post a while back (here). How movies on the s4 list had the theme of :  a supernatural event indirectly causing towns people to act irrationally and turn on eachother v*olently. Despite literal monsters attacking them from outside (they chose to turn on eachother instead). In the end some townspeople become the real monsters via mob mentality/v*oence/false witch hunts (the mist, the birds, etc). In ‘the birds’ (while people are hidding in a store)- they wrongly  blame certain characters for the supernatural chaos. Similarly, in ‘the mist’ (crowd of townspeople are trapped in a store) and some  start interpreting the monsters as being sent as punishment by god- some town’s people start quoting the bible and saying the only way to stop the punishment is to start “sacrificing the s*nners and nonbelievers”. BIG YIKES.ST references mapple street (where the wheelers and sinclairs live). It’s based on the twilight zone ep of the same name “The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street” .The ‘monsters’ of that episode -were the townspeople turning on eachother because they incorrectly think their own neighbors are part of an invading supernatural army. The enemy was actually the paranoia/mob mentality-not the supernatural force they feared.  And yes i do think this concept is linked with 80s satanic panic and will cause some town division/obstacles for our heroes to deal with . **I also think the s4 bts of the Hawkins blood clinic-may be used to show h*mophobia (linked to satanic panic) in the town. Like in one s4 movie “paradise lost”the punk rock boys who were into black clothes, rock music , horror/stephen king books- were accused by the town’s people of being gay AND have demonic powers that are k*lling fellow town’s people.

Mr Hauser says he thinks steve Harrington is Ralph from lord of the flies. And Robin disagrees saying he’s Jack. Personally- since this was when Robin didn’t know/hated Steve. I think Mr hauser is right that Steve is Ralph (one of the oldest boys) who’s “commitment to civilization and morality is strong”. But Jack  (perhaps the popular s4 kid Jake?) and his savage crew take control of the group and start trying to attack Ralph and his friends (steve’s crew- over satanic panic?). How this begins is -

 Jack, torments Ralph and others. And some kids begin to develop savage personalities, after someone claims to have seen a Beast (demongorgan?) in the woods. This creates fear among the boys, which allows Jack to access more power.Ralph gets into an argument with Jack, who splits from the tribe. Many of the other boys follow Jack, who uses fear to manipulate the boys into leaving Ralph. And Jack’s crew begin attacking Ralph and his friends.

----------------

Ok, next topic of ep 4- the sentimental part of my brain got emotional when hearing how upset Robin was. And than Mr Hauser-telling her she’s wrong and she’s not “broken” or “rotten” and “nothing about her needs to be fixed’” (got me right in the feels) . As a queer person- I feel like every lgbt+ kid/teen needs to hear what Mr. Hauser said to Robin. 

However,  the analytical part of my brain -did notice some easterggs/ series parallels.

The convo starts with them talking about music Mr hauser likes (such as Bowie). And transitions to Mr Haauser asking about things she likes, whether she’s being bullied, and he later tells her “ DON’T let other people’s small mindedness make you fell bad about yourself. you don’t need to change yourself-no matter what anyone else says” . And Mr Hauser than says him calling her the “weirdest girl in Hawkins” was a compliment (not an insult-like she initially assumed). 

This is remarkably similar to certain scenes in s1/2. In s1, Jonathan mentions musicians he likes such as Bowie, asks Will about what he likes,  and tells Will “don't like things cause people tell you you’re supposed to-especially not him (their dad who called him h*mophobic names)” . In s2, Jonathan tries to cheer Will up after asking if he's being being bullied. And calls Will  “a freak” (and says it’s a good thing) and he should be content with being a “freak “ and compares Will to Bowie ( who was openly queer since the 70s) . 

In ep 4, Robin also mentions how sad she is that her parents won’t let her ride her bike anymore cause their paranoid about her safety  (like what happened to Will in s2).

Robin (before Mr. Hauser comforts her) says she feels like she has a “rot” inside her  . This is a s2 eastergg that could be linked to either Will or El. Will says his now-memories are “growing”, spreading”, and killing.” Later Kali says the emotional pain caused by her father  caused a “wound” to “spread”. Later allusion-Brenner tells El she has a “terrible wound “ (“a rot”) that Will “grow, spread, and kill.”

The reason Robin rants about feeling like she has a “rot” inside her is because she’s being bullied, and  lost all her Hawkins friends and says  “maybe I’m broken maybe there is just something about me that drives people away? I’m the only common denominator-there’s something wrong with me! There’s something inside of me that’s just rotten and there’s nothing i can do to fix it”. Which 1)-poor Robin. 2) I feel like could easily be How Will feels in s4(who will be the same age as Robin is here in the podcast)- his dad abandoned him, all his hawkins friends are gone , the st s4 movies have h*mophobic bullying in them (and he was bullied in the past). In a interview Noah said Will in s4 “doesn’t really get along with people-it’s just him and Mike.”  I think it fits more so with Will than El . But they may feel similar:  it’s implied in s4 audition tapes she’ll be bullied too,  she moved away from her friends,  and her father (Hopper) fake “passed away.” It could easily be how both Will and El feel in s4- that there is  something “broken”/ “rotten” about them . In fact, in the rebel Robin novel there is even a character named Sheena. Sheena reminds me a bit of a mix between Will and el . She is very quiet, queercoded, and is often bullied. And she finds mean notes and other things stuffed  in her locker- placed there by bullies. A bit like how Will found the zombie-boy note in his locker. A teacher doesn’t stop her bullying just blames her and says “ This wouldn’t happen if you made it just a smidgen easier for PEOPLE to understand you.”(sort of reminding me of that Noah quote about s4 Will not getting along with most people/Jonathan saying not to change himself cause “people” say to). But sheena can be another name for Jane (there was also a 80s show character named Sheena who was psychic) so ...maybe foreshadowing of el/jane being bullied in highschool? Along with Will?

*It’s not a eastergg/parallel...just speculation. Unlike the rebel robin book... in the podcast (in multiple episodes) almost every time she opens up to Mr Hauser about her problems she says it’s ok for him to do the same and she’ll be supportive and listen. However, Mr Hauser (so far) always rejects her offer-much to her hurt/frustration. In ep 4, she asks if he has someone his “own age” he can talk to about his problems-which he says he does. Now... since in ep 4 Mr hauser is paralleled to Jonathan maybe Jonathan will have someone his own age to talk to about his problems (maybe his new friend Argyle?) We see similar to Mr Hauser giving advice/pep talks to (gay) Robin. Jonathan is always giving advice/peptalks to our (gay-coded) Will. But so far- Jonathan has no one he really emotionally leaned on in the same way (Will does with Jonathan). I also wonder if Will in s4 starts gets tired of how he always confides in Jonathan (but Jonathan never does the same with Will  in return)? Like Robin with Mr. Hauser?

[gffa]

I know I've brought this up before, but how much of the fandom reception of the prequels do you think stemmed from the genre dissonance? That the prequels, genre-wise, are closer to high fantasy, while the OT is more an adventure/space western/underdog triumph story.

The prequels also have elements more reminiscent of a romantic period/court drama/Shakespearean tragedy, while if you consider the underdog angle of the OT, the OT also seems kinda similar to some of those inspirational movies about sports teams or something, or a shonen anime with the "Power of Friendship".

I'm just saying, these are rather disparate genres that tend to attract different demographics of people.

And not many people tend to be... great about understanding why they don't like something, much less putting it into words, or understanding that they can dislike something without that something being actually bad. (For example, instead of "I just don't really like [thing]," the usual statement is something along the lines of "[thing] absolutely sucks.")

So the usual response is trying to find (and gather) solidarity while putting down or being condescending towards any dissent, and trying to justify their own dislike. (*gestures vaguely towards pineapple on pizza*)

And historically, it's not uncommon for people to... react strongly towards things they find... different or abnormal, which they judge based on themselves, their emotional response to something, and what they're used to.

Looking at kids, this behavior is... fairly normal. "You're weird," "ew, why do you like that, that's gross," "that's stupid," and so on. A lot of kids/teens/young adults also get defensive really easily. And let's face it--adults are basically just older, taller kids who've had to deal with more of life.

(To be honest, I also get defensive really easily. A lot of people do, and it's... it's normal. The defensive reaction can be lashing out, denial, or just being passive-aggressive or staying silent and tuning it out or mentally rolling your eyes at it. But I'm trying to work on it, because just because it's normal doesn't mean it's a good reaction.)

So, what I'm wondering is whether some fans dislike the prequels simply because it's a different genre...

...but instead of realizing that, they try to defend and justify their dislike by pointing fingers and criticizing whatever stood out or looked different from the OT or cherry-picking details/taking things out of context or making negative conflations (that can be refuted).

Because it's not about logic, it's about how they feel. And people want to feel justified and validated, and we want to feel like we're right and we enjoy staying in our comfort zones. So... yeah. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

LOL, okay, this response is going to be really disjointed because I went off in like a dozen different tangents and even then it's not enough to cover everything, so just kind of read this in a Scattered Thoughts Nerd kind of tone, where I'm staring off into the distance because Navel Gazing Gets Me Going Sometimes. 😂 In my experience, it's sort of a mix. I don't hang around a lot of people who dislike the prequels (in the sense of dismissing them/not being fannish about them) because, well, that's the heart of my interest in Star Wars, so our areas of interest basically don't really overlap that much, so I don't have a chance to talk to a lot of people and find out their reasons or even how they dislike the prequels, in the bigger trends of fandom. I do think there's an element of what you're talking about, that sometimes people can't just dislike things because it's not their genre of choice, that's absolutely a part of it. Mostly because that's how a lot of people react to anything they don't like (and it's something I and literally everyone else has to work on), there has to be a reason for it that it's objectively bad and, like, I have experienced a lot of people getting mad because I like something in a different way than they do. And I don't mean just in Star Wars fandom, but in almost any given fandom--if someone likes something in a way someone else doesn't, if they talk loudly about it (even within their own space), then there's always a contingent of people who have to find a reason why that person is objectively wrong (or even try to make them morally wrong), rather than just shrugging and going, "We see things differently, my view on things doesn't overwrite theirs and their view on things doesn't overwrite mine." It gets more complicated in instances where fandom attitudes genuinely can be hurtful, especially when they're overlapping into the way real people are treated, likes/dislikes don't 100% exist in a bubble, especially when it comes to queer fans, fans of color, disabled fans, mentally ill fans, etc. But that there are a lot of instances where fandom culture has always been--and is increasingly so--contentious and it's hard to chill out when someone is always screaming at you, when the atmosphere of the fandom is always so intense. Further, there's also an element of how fandom has always been--and also is increasingly so--about personal resonance, personal emotional investment, interpretation, and meaning. That sometimes we identify with something so deeply that we feel attacked when someone else likes or dislikes something we feel so strongly about, something that we feel is a reflection of ourselves, and I see a lot of that as well. And this, too, often crosses over into lines of how the context of how we treat characters can be reflections of how we treat real world people, but that there's no monolith here as well. For example: I make fun of Anakin, this angers some people, because how dare I not take this fictional victim 100% seriously, despite that I have repeatedly said that Anakin is the character I most identify with, that things I make fun of him for are ones that I resonate with personally. I'm not disrespecting mentally ill people, especially considering that Anakin is not bound to a single interpretation on this front--he is not canonically mentally ill, no matter how easy it is for us in fandom to map much of that onto his character or, in my case, feel that so much of what I see in him are things I struggle with myself. By and large, the majority of the people I see (at least on tumblr) who make fun of Anakin are doing so within the same vein, that they're being silly about him on things that they personally relate to. (My experiences on this are not universal, I cannot speak for the whole of even any one part of fandom, only my own sphere of experience, but this is what I've seen.) As always, it's fine if someone doesn't vibe with my style or they find that it's not their thing because they do take him more seriously, but that preference does not make my jokes

suddenly not have the context that I relate a lot to what I see in Anakin. In contrast, the way some of the fandom treats Mace or Finn isn't just personal all the time. Not liking their characters isn't inherently racist, but the way they're consistently, consistently treated sure as hell speaks to a larger pattern of racism in fandom and doesn't come without that context. It's the same with Rey--is there a huge vein of misogyny when it comes to her character? Abso-fucking-lutely there is. Things Luke and Anakin get a pass on, Rey is raked over the coals for. Is everyone who dislikes Rey a misogynist? Not even close. Some don't like her because Finn was used as a prop for her story. Some people don't like her because she got sucked into Kylo Ren's story too much. Some just don't care for the way she was written for other reasons. Some just don't vibe with her. It's fine. Nothing is a monolith. And to circle this back around to what you're talking about--it's hard to judge, both because no part of fandom is a monolith in their reactions, but also because we're only hearing from a selection of the fans. How do you know how many people who aren't fans of the prequels, who just don't care for them because it's not their genre, but just go about their day? You don't hear from a lot of them because they moved on to things they do like, so it seems like they must not exist--except, they do, and they're just out there doing things they like more. We only hear from the people who feel the need to tell others they dislike the prequels for this reason or that reason, some valid, some less valid, etc. Ultimately, I do think there's probably a fair amount of genre dissonance for why people dislike the prequels and channel that into "they're objectively bad" and get defensive when people like them and say they were great, but only because that's true of anything anywhere. But that it's only one small slice of the bigger picture (and there's a lot of stuff that I had to eschew in the writing of this response as well because it can be a pretty sprawling topic), where there are tons of reasons and reactions that people have, as well as they're perfectly free to dislike the prequels for whatever reason they do or don't have, it doesn't really affect my opinions, unless they're trying to shove it in my face or are being a dick to those who disagree with them.

[tera-starstorm]

How is Leon swsh: can? How is his relationship is Yasuta?

oh wow i was literally just thinking about infodumping about this. well! great timing i guess since its fresh on my mind!

so SwSh:CA leon. i reckon he became champion when hop and yasuta were around 8-9 (so in SwSh:CA continuity leon would be about 14-15 i think). which was around when yasuta moved to galar.

so my personal interpretation of leon is that like. really he is a very well meaning guy. he truly does just want the best for galar and its people and those he's close to especially! but the thing is that as the years progress he gets more and more caught up in the whole champion thing. he let himself be marketed so heavily and kind of becoming a figurehead. it all provides him less and less time to spend at home between work and family. he's trying. he really is. but it gets harder and harder as more pressure is put on him over the years.

he's outwardly very happy go lucky and kind but do not let that be mistaken for stupidity. he isn't stupid by any means! how would he have ended up the champion otherwise? he's a master of battle strategy and all that. his real flaw, i think, is that he can be kind of idealistic. it causes him to blind things that can be real problems sometimes; this is not to say he can't realize them, because he certainly can and will try to make amends as fast as he can.

he has a tendency to keep his negative emotions to himself to keep that portrayal of a strong, perfectly characterized champion. originally it was just for the public, but the lines between the part he plays for the tournament and his actual character became blurred after a while and he absorbed that as an actual part of himself. he's unaware that it's not good for him or the people he's close to (namely hop, who would benefit from leon being more emotionally vulnerable with him). this isn't to say he's bad! it's a flaw he begins to recognize and unlearn by the end of the game and into the postgame.

now into his relationship with yasuta. much like hop he's known him since he moved to galar and cares about him a great deal. before he was slowly consumed by the tournament and its bearings, he was present at home a lot more! he was actually usually the one toting hop and yasuta around when they wanted to go somewhere. i like to think there's an annual fair in wyndon that they'd go to every year. yasuta was of course very shy and didn't really speak at the time but warmed up to leon pretty quickly. leon recognized his needs as a ND kid pretty quickly and adhered to them (i like to think lee is ND himself as is hop. he has experience) so yasuta was like. Yep i like you! and as yasu and hop grows up it remains that way even if leon starts to not be around as much.

now during the challenge. oh boy. i think when yasuta starts getting media attention and people prying into his life leon actually catches him at somepoint to talk to him about it and give him some advice. and when the whole eternatus incident happened Oh Man. leon was terribly injured from eternatus and was fading in and out of consciousness, enough to witness some of the event - including when yasuta gets hit. and he's too injured to do anything. he eventually passes out, but when he wakes up in the hospital he feels awful. he, who is supposed to be the perfect, undefeatable champion, failed. and when hop comes to see him and he asks about yasuta, he's taken aback when hop bursts into tears and can't answer at first.

leon's first thought is that yasuta didn't make it, and it hits really hard. not only did he fail, but someone (and someone he's close to, at that) paid the ultimate price. and not only that, but hop, his own brother, is in a state. he's clearly destroyed emotionally from the whole event, blaming himself for it, and that makes leon feel even more guilty. hop finally manages to choke out that yasu is just comatose at the time, but it doesn't look good. leon is super antsy and spends a lot of his time until he has confirmation that yasuta has woken up and is okay reflecting on it all. should he, as one man, have been expected to carry the weight of the world like that? should this guilt be his at all? he feels it regardless, but he isn't sure. especially when he hears more in depth about what the chairman did. he feels horribly gullible. once again, his idealistic nature has come to bite him.

learning that yasuta has woken up is not only a relief, but feels like a second chance to leon. a close scrape with the worst has made him think - from here on out, he realizes something has to change.

leon was honestly proud to have been beaten by yasuta, but realized quickly he was a bit at a loss for what to do from there on out. he had spent so long dedicated to the champion thing and it was such a big part of his identity - where does he go from here? i think he returned home for a bit to reflect some more. his family just encourages him to take the challenge again next year and reclaim it, but he realizes he doesn't want to. it's time to move on. that's why he takes on the battle tower stuff. he also puts a lot of effort into improving the gym challenge itself, fixing the flaws that he now realizes riddle it.

furthermore, he notices that yasuta, as champion, does not let himself be marketed. he doesn't put on a persona, and is just genuinely... himself, as he is. it's bittersweet. leon is relieved to see yasuta not making the same mistakes he did, but wistfully wonders how things could have been if he had done the same when he was younger. but there's no time for what ifs; it's the present, and the mistakes of the past have already been made. the best he can do is continue forward to mend them for himself and everyone else, preventing history from repeating itself.

[cienie-isengardu]

Lin Kuei: Cryomancers

RELIGION <> ORIGINS / ARCHITECTURE <> FOOD <> FOR THE LIN KUEI <> ART <> CRYOMANCERS <> LIN KUEI SOCIETY <> MONEY & MATERIAL GOODS

The continuation of the morgianesffs-blog’s list of questions about Lin Kuei. I initially divided them into smaller categories and the cryomancers will be the subject of this essay.

For the formalities, the original questions:

Question about the Cryomancers. I know the game lore says that they are supposed to be rare, but I also know that the Lin Kuei have had at least 5 (grandpa, papa, older, and younger Sub Zero,  and Frost). 4 of which are part of 3 generations that inherited it even with mixed blood (I'm assuming Mama Sub Zero wasn't Cryomancer since they left her alone).

That's a lot of generations in a row for a rare trait... So do you think the Cryomancers as a group have figured out they're being hunted and have chosen to live in hiding?

Looking at the sources, my personal theory is that the true problem is not that cryomancers are rare per se but that not every of their descendents:

is capable of using ice powers. 

will survive long enough to develop and control the freezing abilities 

Johnny and Cassie Cage are the best analogy for point A - both are the descendants “of an ancient Mediterranean cult who bred warriors for the gods”[MK9!Johnny’s bio] and thus possess special - and at least in theory rare - genes. Johnny is one of the top Earthrealm Champions yet he, canonically, managed to use his inner power only once, in a fight against Shinnok to protect Sonya. When Cassie was born, she had a very high chance to inherit Johnny's rare genes and because of that was the potentially future champion. Coming from Briggs-Blade-Cage family gaves Cassie a lot of opportunities to develop her fighting abilities, first because of strong ties to military and later also to other meritorious Earthrealm defenders. Yet like father before, the inner power was activated only under strong pressure, while protecting her family from Shinnok. And despite all the access to additional powerful mentors (Raiden, Sub-Zero, Bo' Rai Cho, Fujin and maybe even Scorpion), she still struggles with mastering the power - and with using it at will. And let’s be real here, Cassie is a superb warrior in her prime of life - if someone like her struggles with mastering ancient power, most who happen to be also descendants of these warriors may never use it even once during their lifetime.

And here comes my feeling that Lin Kuei could have even dozen descendents of cryomancers at the same time yet only few will truly be able to discover their potential and even less to master it (and only one, the best, will use the title of Sub-Zero). It is outright said, that freezing powers are hard to control and are usually mastered at the latest stages of life, as we were told by Mythologies: Sub-Zero in-tie material: 

Sub-Zero learned of his ability as a young adult. It was passed on to him by his father, a fourth generation Lin Kuei warrior himself. The ability to harness the element of cold is one that takes years of practice. It's full potential realized only by those who've mastered it at the latest stages of life. Sub-Zero's skills have the ability to develop much faster than those of the other Lin Kuei. [source]

By logic, if naturally cryomancers need years to get a grip of their power but Bi-Han’s skills developed much faster than the rest and it happened when he was already a young adult (a person in their teens or early twenties, max thirty?), then most cryomancer learn how to use their ability as an adult (25-30+ years old?). Now, considering the mortality of warriors in this brutal profession and harsh system of punishment, not many cryomancers will live enough to truly develop ice powers. They do, however, can pass the genes to the new generation and it seems as something happening from ancient times. Except not every baby with their special genes will be taken by Lin Kuei and though limited sources, it seems like female cryomancer are not the main target. 

My personal theory for this is based around pregnancy and how difficult it must be to carry a child with special powers that may or may not manifest itself in the least expected moment. The conscious use of power of course requires experience and control but in the unborn child it could result from independent stimuli that affect both the child and mother. So a mother with cryomancer genes probably has a better chance to give birth to a healthy offspring and not to die in the process (thus producing another child(s)) than a full-blood human one. Also, the two known examples of the not taken by Lin Kuei female descendants of cryomancers were the youngest children (and in the case of MK Conquest TV series, one was born after her brother's kidnapping). So there is a possibility that Lin Kuei intentionally does not take every available child, in order to not "break the genealogical line" and in result, cut their source of new warriors. 

(The other reasons I can think of why female cryomancers may not be the main target for Lin Kuei are: 

A) some biological complications that makes female cryomancer with active ability much rarer, thus the uneven ratio of known Lin Kuei male to female ice warriors. This could fuel Frost’s ego (the rare example of female cryomancer with powerful freezing abilities) but also her anger for not recognizing her skills and/or right to the title of Sub-Zero by Kuai Liang.

B) cryomancer’s strong sense of family ties thus natural instinct to protect their own. So if a female ice warrior gets pregnant, taking the child from her could be a pretty hazardous thing, especially if blood-related cryomancers are somehow emotionally/psychologically bonded with each other. In the past, the one Grandmaster who wanted to punish (male) Sub-Zero for helping Great Kung Lao (who saved Sub-Zero's biological family) got killed in the process. And this Sub-Zero was kidnapped years ago so he knew his family only from some distant memories yet despite the lack of real interaction with biological parents and sister (born after his disappearance), he allied with the enemy to pay the debt and killed his superior without a second thought. Then we have MK9!Kuai Liang who against Grandmaster’s orders ran away from Lin Kuei to avenge brother’s death because the clan did not tell him what happened to Bi-Han. So it seems that once a biological family is threatened, the (male) ice warriors get pretty agressive and openly disobedient. Now imagine how far would a female cryomancer go if her child was put in danger by the clan. I mean, keeping cryomancers in check is a pretty hard thing on normal days and in times of family critical matters even worse.)

Another useful information comes from Grandmaster [MK Conquest TV series, episode 3 - Cold Reality] who said about then currently in-training Sub-Zero:

So rare. Centuries have passed since one such as this has been among us.

Which could be interpreted as either Lin Kuei did not have a cryomancer for centuries or did not have a cryomancer who developed strong freezing abilities so fast(?). I personally think it is the latter because cryomancer power is described as “ancient” and if there wouldn’t be any cryomancer for centuries, the knowledge about the ice-wielder could be lost and forgotten. Of course, as the Grandmaster, the man could be simply familiar with clan history and lore but dunno, it seemed like he knew what to expect and how to force still-in-training Sub-Zero to develop his powers. Which, in all honesty, was pretty brutal and from what was shown on screen, involved throwing hot coals on the warrior’s bare back. What is painful for a normal person, even more for someone whose body is built to withstand freezing temperatures, not the heat. So, either there was a book with all the bad tips on how to train cryomancer in case you get one or the grandmaster actually had some experiences to compare Sub-Zero abilities with other candidates and/or ice warriors.

Frankly, I have this really old theory of mine, that fleeing from Outworld cryomancers had a deal with Lin Kuei - in exchange for the help and shelter, the cryomancer agreed to give some of their children to the clan. Thus from ancient times, warriors with ice-powers served Lin Kuei and passed the duty from one generation to another. However, with the passing time and mixing with native people, their natural abilities regressed to the point some branches of the cryomancer family could be declared as extinct, as in, not possessing the right combination of genes. In result forgetting their own legacy only for the power unexpectedly activating generations later. In Mortal Kombat Conquest TV series, the family of a kidnapped years ago cryomancer boy did not have any(?) clue why Lin Kuei targeted them. Something similar could happen to Bi-Han and Kuai Liang in an alternative timeline, thus the unusual abduction mentioned in Kuai Liang’s MK9!BIO:

"An assassin of the Lin Kuei clan, Kuai Liang commands the power of ice and cold. Unlike other members of his clan, he and his older brother, Bi-Han, were abducted as children by the Lin Kuei and trained in the techniques of assassination throughout their lives [...]”

If that would be true, the Lin Kuei could keep eye on every known descendent of cryomancer species (run away or simply living in ignorance) and kidnap only a few selected children. Of course, some family members tried to hide their children from Lin Kuei, which was seen in the original timeline. In this case, the mother of Bi-Han and Kuai Liang tried to save them from their father, a faithful Lin Kuei warrior. 

I will be honest here, I always thought that mom of ice bros was simply a normal but unlucky woman who somehow got involved in assassin clan matters. Yet Mythologies: Sub-Zero tie-in materials gave an interestingly input about the family situation:

Their mother wanted a normal life for her sons, who had already been chosen by the Lin Kuei to become warriors for the clan. She tried in vein to hide them from their father whose own life in America was only a cover for his true identity and purpose. Eventually they were found and their father returned with them to his homeland. Their mother and sister were never seen or heard from again. 

The most standing out informations (hints):

→  the children weren’t randomly kidnapped but chosen by the clan. In the case of Bi-Han and Kuai Liang, the choice makes sense since they came from a family serving Lin Kuei for at least the last four generations (while their father alone was Sub-Zero himself). Yet their sister, most likely the youngest child, was not included. So she was still too young or wasn’t meant to become a warrior at all. Either due to lack of potential or because of some unknown to us clan politics forbidding taking all children. The most intriguing is how the clan determined who should be chosen or who left in peace. Like, was the clan so versed in genetic science to predict things like that or did they have other (magic?) ways to predict (check) whether it was worth taking the indicated child? Were the children prematurely tested before the decision was made?

Additionally, in MK Conquest TV series, the Grandmaster sounds pretty sure about Sub-Zero’s freezing abilities before the warrior himself started consciously use them:

“He has trained his whole life. His fighting skills are unmatched among us… yet it is only now that he truly begins… for it is his destiny to carry to battle ancient powers. The time has come to unleash them.” [Episode 3, “Cold Reality”].

What could explain why Lin Kuei took only the boy yet did not come for his younger sister born to the same parents (thus having in theory the same chances to inherit the wanted genes).  

→ the mother seemed to be aware about Lin Kuei and the clan's interest in her children, so for all we know she actually could be one of them or be more involved in her partner (husband?)’s criminal activity. This is an interesting idea in context of her desire to give her sons a normal life. The mother tried but failed to hide the boys from Lin Kuei. She and the daughter weren’t seen nor heard of again what may imply both died… or, if mother was truly full trained Lin Kuei herself, she actually managed to run away with the daughter and hide so well. Anyway, if Kuai Liang and Bi-Han’s mother or sister survived long enough to give birth to another child, the Sub-Zero brothers could still have a biological family living somewhere, maybe even ignorant about the whole cryomancer legacy. 

In summary, and this is really just my personal take on the matter, there are many more descendants of cryomancer species around the world than we know about. The problem lies in genetic variation that gives a freezing ability only to a handful of people. Some cryomancers were part of Lin Kuei for generations (and maybe get paired with genetically specific group of people for better breeding thus the continuity of ice warriors generations), some never learned about their true legacy and some knew and either seek out the clan (Frost) or tried shield their children from the cruel life of assassin. Sadly, it seems like Lin Kuei warriors were really good at tracking the right families to get children with certain abilities so even if at some point cryomancers decided to hide it did not save them in the long run. On other hand, cryomancer adepts are very stubborn and unwilling to let themselves forget about their biological family, so Lin Kuei balanced on thin ice with hunting down and training the descendants of cryomancers. 

[ohnobjyx]

Taking care of you

Hi, guys! I initially wrote this post for an ask, but it got too long to be included, so I separated it in another post.

Disclaimer: fake info.

I’d like to highlight the moments they take care of each other. It must be because of how my own relationship works, but I really feel there’s something real between them when I see them just caring for each other.

Dd taking care of gg

From gg’s angle, I think the biggest clue is not just him taking care of dd, but letting himself be taken care of. From my experience, a independent, proud and competitive person like gg admitting that he doesn’t want to do something, asking for help or letting others defend him like dd does, shows a great deal of trust in the other person. He trusts the other one to do the right thing, to say the right words. And that’s present from start to finish in all of their events.

In the Thai fanmeeting (0:13-0:40 here), when asked a difficult question, gg and dd both said: “you answer”. Gg said in a very low voice “I don’t want to answer”, so dd inmediately turned to the reporter and thought of an answer. However, his answer was too short, so gg jumped in to complete it. Gg is perfectly capable of taking care of himself in events and interviews. He has done so before and continues to do so. However, whenever he’s with dd, he relaxes more, and lets dd take the reins or   even asks him to (he asked him in this segment, but dd always rushes to defend him if needs arises, like the “you look at the waist” or the “why rush into marriage” moments). That doesn’t mean that he just disconnects, but remains attentive so he can help dd too if necessary. The way they rely and complete each other is really cp goals.

In CQL bts (the scene of the boat), dd keeps peeling lotus seeds for gg and giving them to him. Gg just naturally takes the seeds from him, and when YB hands him another stem, he just hands it to dd. If it wasn’t dd, just any other coworker, I don’t think gg would bear to just sit there and have another person peeling lotus seeds for him. He’d probably peel them himself, because that’s the “polite” thing to do. However, there’s no such need with people you’re really close to, and gg just sitting there speaks volumes of their closeness to each other.

(And note that when YB asks dd to pass him a lotus seed, dd just throws an unpeeled one to him, and YB has to peel it himself, because dd is only peeling lotus seeds for gg. Dd’s double standards).

In TTXS 11th anniversary, dd brings gg as his special guest. Gg says: “wang-laoshi please take care of me”, and dd answers: “I can’t even take care of myself”. But in the episode, he never leaves gg’s side, slows down the dance so gg can follow and jumps in to dance himself when gg is asked to and uncomfortable to say “no” (note that he also defended gg in the Thai fan meeting interview, when the reporter asked if gg could dance for them, dd was the first one to answer “no”)

Gg’s hearing is quite poor, so he often misses hosts’ questions. Dd is used to it by now: sometimes gg doesn’t even needs to ask him and dd will already be turning to him to repeat the question to him. I can think of at least three times that dd helped him like that: (1), (2) and (3)

(In Tencent Awards night, gg didn’t even hear the host telling him to stay for a bit, and only stopped after seeing dd. He didn’t hear anything the hosts said either. What is remarkable is that dd started to explain as soon as he turned. How did you know that gg hadn’t heard anything if you were facing the other side, dd?)

In Nanjing concert (191101), gg had a infection in the throat (faringitis). He could barely talk in the practice, and it’s part of the reason he’s much more silent in that concert. His throat was bothering him at the end of the concert, when they were both singing WuJi, so dd just simply sang his lines for him, hitting the high notes even though his voice isn’t suited for them. He continued to sing the leading voice of the song, just so gg could rest his voice. Gg’s reaction is so sweet too (his surprised stare, their smiles, gg nodding his head giving his thanks... judge for yourselves). He was smiling much more afterwards too.

Gg taking care of dd

But of course, gg also takes care of dd. As I’ve said, this goes to them both.

We’ve the famous knee pads moment in the 9-minutes boat video. Gg notices injuries in dd’s knees and looks very sad when he asks “b-but these are new injuries?”. They even bicker for a second, but gg keeps looking at dd’s knees and out of concern asks him to wear knee-pads. We all know that more than a year after that, dd is indeed listening to gg’s words, even though at first he laughed at them and asked “who would wear knee pads?”.

In the same 9-minute boat video, gg also asks him “I heard yesterday was so hot that an extra fainted... how were you?”. From my pov, this video allows us a small glimpse into how they interact, and by dd’s answer I think it’s usual for gg to be caring and attentive of dd. Even when they are playing and joking around, gg keeps in mind dd’s health, like when he said “yes, I’ll let you off since you haven’t slept for 2-3days and that’s sad. Rest well, please” here.

I don’t even think gg was thinking of anymore than just friendship with dd at that moment. But it already started to show that he cared a lot about him.

There are also multiple instances of gg taking care of dd’s throat. For some reason, it seems dd is very prone to colds and coughs (he once said he was the kind of kid that got sick every season, and I don’t think the idol life workload is doing anything to fix that).

Bxg digged out that gg gave dd a certain brand cough drop in the Thai fan meeting (and it’s the same one he was sharing with the other hosts in SDoC). Then we jump at Tencent Awards night. Gg sees that dd has something candy-like in his mouth and inmediately asks: “does your throat hurt?”. The amount of knowledge necessary here: as his cohosts from SDoC demonstrates for us, when we see a friend eating a candy, it’s more normal to ask “oh, you’re eating a candy?”. But gg inmediately knows that it’s a cough drop, most likely because he knows that dd doesn’t like sweets and snacks and he gave him those. From there, we jump to gg’s worry about dd “does your throat hurt?”.

In TTXS episode with gg, at the end, when they are eating meat skewers, gg advises dd to eat less of them: “they have black pepper, it’s bad for the throat”. For me, it’s a sign of how gg takes care of dd in a more domestic and daily basis. The comment is taken naturally by dd, as if he’s used to it.

(Actually, I’d like to know what gg has to say about dd eating so many spicy hotpots with his cough. In traditional Chinese medicine, “spicy, sweet, oily and alcohol” are the four prohibitions for people who want to take care of their voice and their throat. By gg’s comments and the brand of cough drops he gives dd, I’m almost sure he wouldn’t like dd mistreating his throat like this).

I’m sure most of you has noticed the next one, but gg always clears the seat for dd. He did so in Nanjing fan meeting, and took the papers and the pen away so dd didn’t sit on them, and again cleared the seat next to him in Tencent awards. So when gg wasn’t sitting next to him in w/ibo night, dd simply sat with a water bottle behind him, and gg noticed when he sat in dd’s seat later, when dd had left.

(It’s also interesting to analyze gg’s movement in Tencent Awards. Everyone in that sofa where sitting widely apart from each other, so a pen placed next to gg shouldn’t bother dd if he simply took his seat keeping the same distance everyone was keeping. But gg assumed naturally that dd would be sitting next to him).

(At the left, an actress who is rumoured to follow other actors cp’s, and was seen observing gg and dd that night quite closely).

Also from Tencent Awards night, dd was confused as to how to leave the stage, which gg kindly points him the correct way. The same thing, though much more subtle, appears again at the w/ibo night, when with a glance from dd, gg points the way with his fan for dd.

Gg also cares about dd’s career. In c-culture, connections and relationships with important people play a large part in your success in any industry. So at first gg was standing between ZLY and dd, but when he noticed ZLY talking with dd, he just gently pushed dd towards her, so they could chat.

This is why I don’t really believe in the famous video of a “jealous gg moment” (when they got off stage and were walking down the stairs, dd looked at ZLY, and that glance was supposedly seen by gg, who stormed off, leaving dd behind). I think gg didn’t react like that because of dd (though he did look at him), but because someone signaled him from afar. 

Dd even waited for ZLY to get on stage, and offered his help to her because she was wearing a long dress. This was also seen by gg, who turned to check if dd was following. If this moment didn’t get a reaction from gg, and he doesn’t react poorly when they both chatted at his side, I don’t know why dd just looking at her afterwards would sit so badly with gg (and we get back to the fact of ZLY being married and with a baby).

At the Nanjing concert, in the first day, when gg and dd were singing Wu Ji, there were some problems with their earphones. You can actually see them trying to fix it from here. However, dd ends up taking off his, and there’s a moment of silent communication, where I think dd was asking gg to cue him the start of the next part of the song (which is dd’s). From here, you can see gg keeping up with the beats of the song, and see him pointing with the mic towards dd when is his turn to start singing.

I particularly love this Wu Ji interpretation from them, because it’s first dd asking gg for help, and inmediately after, dd taking care of gg.

They rely on each other, trust each other and they move around each other like the other one is meant to be in their personal space. Neither gives or receives more help from the other, they are in an equally balanced relationship. Now you can take this and compare it to real relationships you know of to get your own conclusions about whether it resembles a romantic relationship or a strong friendship.

[spockandawe]

I’m so unbelievably weak against characters who make terrible choices because they’re hurting and upset. I love the subtler resentful decisions that quietly build up ill will, and I love the big dramatic choices that end with everyone going down in flames. But more than anything, I love love love hurting myself with the emotional flavor of a character struggling with the tension of simultaneously realizing that people hate/mistrust them (or how much people hate/mistrust them, or which people hate/mistrust them), while also realizing that those people just have... no idea where they’re coming from.

I was thinking about this first because of Mu Qing, who is honestly a very low-key version of this scenario (and it’s also quieter since he’s not a lead character and rarely takes the spotlight himself). But the first big tgcf flashback honestly made my heart ache, seeing him trying to walk a line between maintaining his own independence/pride and not belonging to someone he wants to be peers with, but when he tries to be tactful, people decide he’s being shady.  He was picking cherries, to bring a treat to his poor mother (and the poor children around his home), but then got accused of stealing, and then didn’t want to say that it was because his only remaining parent was living in poverty. And it continues through the present day! He knocks out Feng Xin so he can save him from a burning city, because Feng Xin refuses to leave, and people are like ‘>:OOO MU QING ATTACKED FENG XIN??’ In some ways, this character hurts me more than the others, because he rarely does anything wrong, he has a bad attitude, but his most significant “missteps” tend to be like ‘you could have been a little more kind, tbh.’

But also too, I’ve been working my way through the svsss extras again, and... Shen Jiu. God, Shen Jiu. This character is agonizing, and I love him so much. He makes terrible choices! He does terrible things! He tries to set up an actual literal child to die horribly, because he resents that this child had a parent who loved him, and that he found his way to Cang Qiong young enough to reach his full potential! It’s absolutely unforgivable! But nobody except Yue Qingyuan has any clue how much Shen Jiu has been through and how to possibly help him grow or heal or how to support him into better decision making. And Shen Jiu is so hurt by the way Yue Qingyuan left him that he refuses to let Yue Qingyuan help him now. Like! This child was a slave, begging for food on the streets, then was sold to a rich boy who abused him in sexually-flavored ways and planned to marry him to his sister so he could keep him forever, and then his “rescuer” was a scumbag adult who taught him to steal and murder. 

And while Shen Jiu was suffering, he thinks Yue Qingyuan, who came from the same beginning and who promised to come back for him, was living in careless pampered luxury in a prestigious cultivation sect. Shen Jiu’s own self-evaluations are incredibly harsh, from the moment he’s reunited with Yue Qingyuan. He calls himself terrible, he calls himself a thing, and once it’s clear that he’s going to pay the price for his bad decisions, he tries hard to shove away the one person who cares about him and find some way to protect him. Yue Qingyuan never stopped loving him and defending him, but literally nobody else in the world has any sympathy for him whatsoever. How am I not supposed to be heartbroken? Shang Qinghua sighs over how his readers used to hate on Shen Qingqiu for having no motivations, which, sure, that’s understandable from what’s on the “Proud Immortal Demon Way” pages, but seeing the trauma driving his choices in svsss and seeing his own self-awareness and self-loathing and knowing that one (1) person in-universe has any inkling of his internal world (and that person died trying to help him), I’m! In pain!!!

Plus, in svsss proper, I saw a post in passing once that was something like... ‘readers are hard on luo binghe, because he’s the only mxtx protagonist where we see the worst decisions of his life and aren’t in his head to understand why he’s making those decisions.’ Which I still find fascinating, and think about often. It makes sense to me. And as far as my terrible-decision-making children go, he’s very interesting to me because he doesn’t really deal with the widespread distaste/mistrust that mu qing and shen jiu experience, it’s very much targeted on one person. I live for the parts of svsss where all Luo Binghe has to do is breathe, and Shen Qingqiu flinches and bolts. And Luo Binghe is not acting in kind or well-considered ways, a lot of the time! But he was seventeen, and his beloved teacher had told him that ‘humans can be good or evil, demons can be good or evil,’ but the moment Luo Binghe turned out to be half demon, even though he’d just been fighting desperately trying to protect Shen Qingqiu, that teacher he trusted more than anything immediately turned on him, stabbed him in the chest, and threw him into hell.

That’s agonizing!!!! Even without the aftermath, that’s agonizing to read! And when Luo Binghe comes back, years later, he’s upset, he’s hurt, he’s lonely, he’s still stinging from that betrayal, of course he’s not making good decisions. I follow good blogs, because I haven’t seen any terrible Luo Binghe takes on my dash, but I’m kind of :c that these takes apparently exist. Again, it’s not that I think he makes good decisions, but I can see why he makes bad decisions, and I can see other characters missing that context, and I am rolling in terrible, glorious pain. Luo Binghe shows up secretly in Huan Hua Palace and starts taking it over and generally acts shady as heck? Well, Shizun wouldn’t let him beg for forgiveness when he was a disciple, and he’s afraid to face Shen Qingqiu until he can meet him on a semi-equal footing. Luo Binghe gets angry and spiteful when Shen Qingqiu asks if he’s responsible for the sowers? Yes he does! He’d always, always tried to do right by Shen Qingqiu, and trusted Shen Qingqiu when he said demons could be decent people, but the moment he turned out to be half-demon, Shen Qingqiu immediately started expecting the worst from him at every turn. It hurts! I don’t blame him for acting on that hurt! And I am so endlessly compelled by the way that Shen Qingqiu completely fails to recognize the context for where Binghe is coming from.

And like... I cannot leave out Xue Yang and Jin Guangyao. Xue Yang is fascinating in his own way, because the steps are... a lot more explicit and clear-cut than some of these other characters. Shen Jiu’s downward spiral is very internal and he curls up tight to hide his weak spots even with the person who values him most in the whole world, but Xue Yang very plainly tries to lay out his reasoning for his most important person. His whole world is crumbling by the time things reach that point, and it was probably beyond salvaging, but god! He tries so hard to explain the position the world placed him in, from childhood onward, helpless and vulnerable, and that nobody was going to defend him except himself. 

But when Xiao Xingchen doesn’t understand what he’s trying to communicate, when he realizes that the person he values most isn’t willing to hear what he’s trying to say, he starts lashing out again and trying to hurt. It’s the same lesson he learned when he was young, in some ways. ‘If I’m stupid enough to trust you, you’re going to use that to hurt me.’ And then the logical next step, ‘If you’re going to hurt me, all I can do is try to hurt you worse.’ You can see the trauma playing out right there on the page, and it’s agonizing. I can understand some people not enjoying reading things that make them hurt that way, but I have trouble Getting it when people don’t at least find that kind of dynamic compelling as hell. I’ll sometimes avoid media that I know is going to make me sad, but if I’m in the mood to Experience Sadness, I know a dynamic like this is going to grab me by the heart and shake me like a ragdoll.

And... Jin Guangyao. He was on my mind too, partly because I’ve seen a few takes on his motivations lately that honestly kind of baffle me? Like, to each their own, especially since mdzs never takes us inside his head. But I see posts that like... he was bullying Nie Mingjue, or what if Lan Xichen could Tell he was never genuine and mistrusted him on some level, and how to put this. It’s not that I agree with the choices he made, though I really don’t want to play fandom purity police in any way, shape, or form (murder is good, actually), but I understand the choices he made enough that those sort of interpretations that skew towards the cruelty-for-the-sake-of-cruelty territory honestly kind of upset me.

There’s some interesting comparisons to be made with Mu Qing, in some ways. They both grew up poor, without a father, in “shameful” single-parent situations (a sex worker mother vs. a father being executed for being a criminal). They were poor boys with ambition, but no matter how they tried to carry themselves with dignity, those poor beginnings were rubbed in their faces, years after the fact. I think it does make a real difference that Mu Qing’s shame is mostly based in his own history (sweeping floors) while Jin Guangyao’s is more external (son of a whore), and that Jin Guangyao’s also insulted a parent who he loved dearly, and that Mu Qing was seeking the respect outside of famiial structures while Jin Guangyao was desperate to be accepted by his father.

There’s so much of Jin Guangyao’s early life that’s like ‘I’m Just Trying To Live My Life, My Dude,’ and it hurts me to watch. He really didn’t have goals that were all that excessive! If his goals were excessive in some way, it’s only by virtue of how highly ranked his father was, which isn’t his fault. His goal: ‘I want my father to accept me into the family.’ What the world saw: “oh my god, this son of a whore SERIOUSLY wants to be brought into this noble family, lmaooooo.’ There are characters who are more compassionate than that, and a lot of that reaction is down to the nature of the setting, but LORD, man! It’s honestly a pretty restrained goal for a kid to have! Especially when his father totally promised to come back for him someday, and he waited patiently for years before setting out on his own.

And even once he gets kicked down the steps of Koi Tower and dials back his ambitions, he gets so little space to breathe. He’s learning cultivation late, he takes a position as a nobody in a different cultivation sect, he’s just trying to live. But no matter how he rolls with the punches, no matter how he smiles and bears it, he’s being constantly, constantly prodded in that old, painful bruise. I’ve been finally working my way through The Untamed, and it was painful to watch, in Gusu, when he’s trying to present the Nie Sect’s gift to Lan QIren, and people just start focking gossiping about him, right there, perfectly audibly. And when we see him back in Qinghe, he’s perfectly polite and deferential, and that one disciple is still like ‘fuck you, ur mom was a whore.’

He makes bad decisions, but even when he makes good decisions, he can’t win. I don’t get anything from him at all that suggests he had Hugely Lofty Ambitions from a young age, he just wanted some kind of decent life, but almost nobody would cut him a break. Nie Mingjue did cut him a break, and Lan Xichen was gentle and kind to him, and that made such an impact on him. But I also think it made it that much worse, when he made later questionable decisions, and Nie Mingjue refused to let him explain himself. Nie Mingjue’s rigidity breaks my heart in lots of ways, but especially when it comes to Jin Guangyao. I don’t want to make this all about personal attachment, but it’s kind of inescapable in this situation. Nie Mingjue sends him a loud, violent message that if he’s not perfectly morally upright, he’s Done. But by now, Jin Guangyao has years of history of people being cruel to him based on a history he never was able to control. Nie Mingjue protected him, but hes made it clear that protection was... conditional. There could be arguments about how conditional, and what the non-murdery limits would have been, but the murder has been done, and it was already clear that Nie Mingjue never had the power to protect him from everything.

I can’t read Jin Guangyao’s later actions without also reading that fear and insecurity into his decisions. He even tries to say it outright, that he’s afraid of everyone and everything, and Nie Mingjue misses the point. Jin Guangyao hurts me a lottle, because he suffers both in terms of the general public’s judgment of him, but also in the judgment of someone he cared deeply about. I can see the reasoning and trauma, but so many other people in the story can’t. Jin Guangyao gets pushed to the edge by how his father holds him at arm’s length from the family, the atrocities he tells Jin Guangyao to commit on his behalf (and then maybe I’ll treat you like my actual son, maybe), but when he tries to express that, Nie Mingjue is like ‘can’t you just endure more, though??’ He builds a temple with a statue with the face of his dead beloved mother, and the public is like ‘omg, he made that statue with his OWN FACE, can you believe it??’

In some ways, the way Lan Xichen determinedly loves and trusts him makes it all hurt even worse. I absolutely believe Jin Guangyao when he says that he never once wanted to act against Lan Xichen. So many of the terrible decisions Jin Guangyao makes tie so directly to him seeking either safety or security. But he works hard in social gatherings to keep the peace and people think he’s two-faced. He endures years of mistreatment before hitting back and people judge him for hitting back at all and say that well, what else could we have respected from someone with that background. Nie Mingjue threatens to kill him multiple times, and he was a very straightforward, honest man, of course Jin Guangyao was frightened of him and decided it was safer to see him dead. I live for the pain of seeing a character I love make decisions I strongly disagree with, understanding why they’re making those decisions, and seeing other characters not understand, and simply hate them for the decisions.

This isn’t exactly new, this is why I’ll never be able to shake my love for Starscream, even if his quality of motivation... varies by continuity. And Pharma and Prowl are two of my favorite characters in all of idw1 for exactly this reason. I’ve got  at least three fics brushing up against Pharma’s resentment over ‘yes, i got ordered to run a hospital on a garbage planet I was sharing the most violent, sadistic decepticons in existence, I SURE WONDER WHY I WAS DRIVEN TO THIS DESPERATE POINT, BUT THE LOVE OF MY LIFE THINKS I’M JUST A TERRIBLE PERSON, SO I GUESS THAT’S THAT.’ 

And in the murderbot books, I genuinely get reduced to tears when murderbot has to deal with people compassionately interpreting its behavior instead of giving it no credit, the way its used to. I find the raksura books intensely, intensely satisfying in how Moon struggles to fit into a highly social, close-knit society after growing up so traumatized and alone, and how his colony gradually adapts to him and gets used to his quirks, instead of driving him out, the way he’s experienced so many times. No real conclusion here, I was just spacing out during a work training call, and got overtaken by how much I love characters who experience this particular flavor of emotional isolation.