#and he just used my correct pronouns after two years like a month ago

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for calling out someone for being manipulative towards a trans friend? Names have been changed for privacy reasons and TLDR at the end because this is long.

I (24f) am cis but have had a lot of trans friends (binary, nonbinary, and neopronoun) throughout the years and am very supportive so i take this very seriously. So I met this girl my first year in college (we were 18 at the time) and we became friends. We're polar opposites, she talks a lot and I don't, she parties a lot and I like to do more sophisticated things, she's a typical extrovert basically, and I'm more introverted. Anne (24f) was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I don't know when, she just told me this years ago. I've seen tiktoks about bpd and researched Google about bpd a little so I know all about how they have fave persons and will "mimic" people in the friend group and become clingy, manipulate, etc. I've seen pics of her in high school, noticed that she was a theater kid, she said she was good at acting and even said she thinks her bpd helped with her acting although I'm not sure how, but she said she only joined the theater club because a boy she had a crush on was in theater. That should've been my first red flag but I was naive. She has a degree in something else (not theater) because our second year in college her favorite character in a TV show did a certain job, she got interested in that, and now she also does that as a living. She doesn't talk about her bpd, she's only mentioned it a handful of times. I can count on one hand how many times. And I get it because she said someone once told her people with bpd should be sterilized and not be allowed near children. Which is really messed up and I hate that someone said that.

However on with the situation. One of our friends Mike (25m) is a trans man. We met him four years ago. He's very handsome, broody, introverted, intelligent, great listener, very accepting and understanding, similar to me but opposite to her. Now we didn't know he was trans until two years ago, because I asked him on a date and he turned me down, and when I asked why he told me that he was mostly T4T and only viewed me as a friend. We were like woah you're trans, okay that's cool, etc. He explained that he was lucky enough to get on puberty blockers and transition young etc which is why he passes. I said okay I'm not trans and you're mostly T4T fair enough.

Well last year Anne suddenly tells us that she is trans too. She says she's bigender. She says she is okay with either she her or he him because she feels like a man and a woman at the same time. Some days she's a woman, some days she's a man, and some days she's both, according to her. She says she does not like they them pronouns. Suddenly her and Mike are spending all this extra time together. Last month he confided in me that he thinks he's in love with her, after years of him only seeing her as a friend, and then they started officially dating.

Here's the problem: she has not changed her outward appearance, her name, started any kind of medical stuff, joined any groups, bought a binder etc. We all continue to call her she and her because she fully presents as female and doesn't have a problem with it. Also she's very effeminate in body language, the way she talks, etc. I know technically I could call her a he or a him, too, but she never asks me to or corrects people when they call her she because well technically she is a she too. Mike is the only one who uses he and him pronouns with her as often as she and her, but she has never thanked him. It really feels like she's saying she's trans and then going about her life exactly as a cis woman simply to convince Mike to date her.

First off, Anne and Mike are NOT compatible. She likes to party, smoke weed, talks a lot, I'm not sure how she graduated with such good grades or why she does so well in her job because she is honestly a LOT to handle and I'm saying that as nice as possible. Mike would never touch weed or go to clubs and he says he would be fine staying home while she does those things but how could you trust someone to party while high and not hook up with others? I've seen her make out with five people in one night at a frat party. They also had wildly different childhoods, such as she grew up in a conservative community and doesn't speak to her family, and he grew up in a liberal area and is close with his family. But more importantly she has a history of joining theater because she had a crush on someone in theater (plus she admits she is good at acting, so maybe she is acting now?) and getting a degree and job in a field because a favorite fictional character did that and now this? It feels like she was attracted to him, found out he usually dates other trans people, and found a way to continue being cis but claim to be trans without having to do anything trans related, basically mimicing her favorite person. As soon as they met they hit it off, or should I say she clung to him and pretended to have the same likes and dislikes whenever they were alone I assume.

It sounds terrible I know, which is why I discussed this with a group chat first that neither of them are in, and the group chat not only agreed that she is far too "obnoxious" for him (those were NOT my words!) but that she is faking being trans in an attempt to make him fall in love with her (which seems to be working.) I would NEVER have gone further without making sure with them first. So then a few of the people in my group chat and I held an intervention with Anne alone. The six of us (the others don't live close enough to come) met up with Anne at her place and told her what she was doing was wrong and gross and that she needed to get help for her bpd and to stop catfishing Mike. She didn't take well to what was said, which I anticipated, but she went crazy. She was screaming at us, insulting us, sobbing while yelling etc, literally said if we ever contacted her again she would call the cops, so we left.

I immediately called Mike before she could and asked him to meet me at a restaurant nearby and that it was very important. Since Mike doesn't know anyone in the group chat I went alone and I explained EVERYTHING before she could gaslight and manipulate him even further. He left, did not finish or pay for his food. I messaged him several times, but a few hours later he texted me to never to speak to him again, and then blocked me on everything. I showed up to his house and Anne was there. Mike said if I ever contacted him again he would get a restraining order on me so I left. I've discussed this with the group chat and now suddenly half of them changed their mind and don't want to talk about it anymore. Several of them left the group chat. Not only that but several of my friends who know either Mike or Anne or both have blocked me on everything. When I've tried to contact these friends through other means and explain everything, they either didn't respond or said for me never to contact them again because I was being transphobic. Listen I know under NORMAL circumstances you shouldn't question when someone comes out but this is NOT a normal situation, and now I am concerned Anne is unsafe for Mike but also an unsafe person to know, as she literally is trying to destroy my life because I called her out on some seriously messed up and abusive behavior.

TLDR am I the asshole for trying to protect my trans friend from a potential stalker?

What are these acronyms?

[anjelicawrites]

After the fair

Paring: Abraham x reader

Synopsis: during a horse fair you meet an old friend, Abraham gets jealous and needs to be reminded who you love.

Warnings: reader has burn marks, reference to nausea and vomiting, anxiety, fighting, crying, jealousy, Abraham’s possessiveness, reference to prejudice against the Romanichal community, kissing, fingering, p in v sex, kissing, scratching, overstimulation, titty sucking, pregnancy sex.

A/N 1: this is a sequel to this fic, but it could be read as a standalone.

A/N 2: I don’t know anyone from the Romanichal community and used Google for my research for this fic. I tried to be as accurate and respectful as possible. Please let me know if I’ve written something wrong so I can make the needed corrections!

A/N 3: reader is AFAB but not described. Where needed, they/them pronouns used. Reader is addressed as "wife".

It’s a beautiful spring day, sunny but not too hot. It explodes over the assorted smells of people, food and horses at the fair.  You’re all the happier to be able to inhale lungful of air without feeling sick: you’re roughly into the second trimester of your first pregnancy, the first having been a nightmare of nausea caused by any smell, throwing up and being afraid of losing the child slowly growing into your belly.

You know your body is still recovering from barely managing to keep anything down for months, you’re all belly now, the rest of your skin stretched thin over your skeleton, not that you care, now that you feel better and you can feel movements in your tummy.  Abraham is still worried about you and the baby, whenever he’s not with the horses, he’s hovering over you like a hawk, ready to go fetch the healers of the community as soon as he sees signs of discomfort on your part. It’s so endearing to see how uncaring of what the whole camp thinks of him, not when your health and safety are one the line: he’s always showed you his love and care, in the privacy of your shared vardo, and kept a more stern façade for the outside to see: now that you’re expecting your first child and had such a rough start, he doesn’t seem to care about what the other men think of him, only what the women helping you advise him to do to help you with the pregnancy.

Abraham is at the horse fair today with some of the animals he’s worked on during the last year and a half, you as well came to town to do some business with one of the book antiquarians you collaborate with; having been sick for so long, you had to put everything on hold and are itching to go back to trading antiques with all your contacts in the UK. You are tired and your ankles feel swollen, yet you are happy: you feel fulfilled by a very productive work day and you want to have a small wander around with your boots in the mud and under the sun, before telling Abraham you’re going back to the vardo to lie down for a bit, before dinner.

You turn around when you hear your name being called and spot an old friend from your Oxford days.

“What are you doing here? How are you?”

You are surprised and happy to see him after such a long time!

“I’m just enjoying a nice, sunny day.” He smiles. “What brings you here? It’s so far away from Badger’s Crossing!”

You try not to flinch at the name and almost manage: the poor man doesn’t know how much that spot still hurts you and you don’t want to ruin your day.

“I’m here with my husband, he works with horses.” You say with a smile. “Husband? Now, when did that happen?” “As it usually goes.” You laugh. “A little over a year ago.” “Congratulations for that and for the little one on the road!”

He hugs you again and you tighten your arms around his big frame with all your strength: he’s always been a good friend, a companion during the long hours of study in the library, a gentle soul trapped in the body of a giant.

“What about you? Are you still trying to climb the academic ladder?”

Minutes fly as he tells you all about his goals and achievements as you two walk around the fair, he’s always been flamboyant and enthusiastic about his field of choice, and he hasn’t changed one bit. He regards you with tales of Oxford life, making you laugh with his stories about your former professors there as he helps you navigate the uneven terrain of the fair, ending up with an arm as thick as a tree trunk linked with yours.

“So, where is your husband? I need to meet the man who managed to snag you away from your books and the rest of us, he has to be a remarkable person!”

“He is! There’s so many people I can’t see him.” You go on your tiptoes and shield your eyes from the sun. “There he is!”

Abraham seems to sense your presence and stares in your direction without you calling him, his expression darkens when he sees you with your arm linked to your friend.

“Hello husband.” You go to him and put your hand on his. “I met an old friend today!”

Abraham just stares at your friend, whose expression has changed as soon as he’s seen him: too late you realize your mistake.

Abraham puts his arm on your shoulder and pulls you closer to him as your friend tries to make some half heartedly small talk: you’re so used to be around your community, you’ve forgotten how lowly gadji think of them, how the distrust easily flows towards the Romanichal people who have welcomed you with an open heart. 

You are not sad when your friend bids a haste goodbye and leaves you with your husband.

“Who was that?” 

You can feel how tense Abraham is and you place your hand on his sturdy chest.

“An old friend from university, no one of importance.” You smile in his direction. “Are you going to stay here long? I’m going home for the day.”

Abraham stares at you, assessing your condition with a worry and care you’ve gotten used to experience.

“It’s not going to take me too long. You go along, take one of Peter’s children to accompany you.” “There’s no need for that. I will collect the book when we leave the area and it’s not that much of a walk.” “it is not negotiable.”

Abraham is always on edge when Cyril is not shadowing your every move, but you couldn't bring both the goods to the antiquarian and the dog and you had to leave him guarding the vardo.  You came to the city with some of the women, he’s not going to let you go back on your own: he wouldn’t have done it if you weren’t pregnant, to begin with, now that his first born is in your belly? He’s not taking any chances.

In the end the daughters of Esme Jones come back with you, their chatting easing a bit of your tiredness and annoyance towards Abraham’s over protectiveness. You love your husband, you don’t know what you would have done without him after Badger’s Crossing, but he needs to remember you can take care of yourself, even in your state. But the thought doesn't even cross his thick skull, he simply treats you as if you're made of glass, your opinion not even considered, and that irks you to no end. 

You have to lie down as soon as you arrive at the vardo to put your legs up, hoping to help with your swollen ankles.  You’ve turned the small transistor radio on, waiting for the radio drama to start, as you tap gently on your distended belly: the midwife has suggested you might be carrying twins, after you told her how the kicks seemed to be everywhere in your belly, at the same time. 

Truth to be told, your tummy is pretty big for someone around their fifth month and she could detect no strangeness in the way your child is growing and moving inside of you, perhaps twins it is?  The thought scares you a little, not because you don't know how to act around children, in your past life as a librarian you used to organize activities with them, and were pretty good at it; those were not your children, though, you didn't have to shoulder the responsibility of their well being for their whole life. If you're truly carrying twins, how are you going to manage? The idea fills you with the need of your mother, either adoptive or biological, to take your hand and tell you everything is going to be alright. 

Two sets of kicks drag you back from your anxiety, or perhaps is kicking and punching against your tummy?  You drum your fingers again but the child (children?) don't take your bait. 

“You really want to be a mystery up to the end, don't you?” You ask your tummy without receiving an answer. 

When Abraham comes back you’re midway eating toast with butter and sardines.  You were supposed to wait for him and share the kidney pie you’ve backed, maybe while sitting outside to enjoy the late spring afternoon, but you had this violent craving for food that you didn't want to fight, not after three whole months of nausea and vomiting. 

You’ve noticed he's washed himself before coming back, his ridiculous mane of hair wet and styled the way he likes, yet he looks aggravated: had something happen back at the fair?

“Abraham?” 

You don't want to sound too apprehensive, but you can feel the tense aura around him, who doesn't respond, preferring to take a swing from the water bottle on the table. 

“What happened, my love?” You ask. 

Abraham's eyes are darker in the dying sun streaming from the window, dark blue like the stormy sea, his mouth set in a thin, unhappy line. 

“You know he wants to shag you, don't you?” He asks, the belligerent tone barely controlled.  “Who?” You're genuinely confused, feeling like he's thrown you in an ongoing conversation you've missed the start of.  “Your friend.” He spats. “The one from before. He knows you're spoken for, that you're carrying another man’s child inside of you, and he still wants to shag you!”

Slower than you want to, you manage to stand up to look into Abraham's eyes. 

“Abe, he's always been like that: expansive with his affection. Not once has he ever wanted to sleep with me.”

Abraham's brow seems to knit even tighter as he regards you.  

“You don't see it, but I could!”

The shadows on his face are darker, turning his beautiful face in a stern mask of disappointment; you stand your ground, feet planted on the floor of the vardo, eyes locked with his. 

“Let's say that you're right, that he wants me.” You grab his hands and put them on your tummy. “Tell me Abraham, whose child am I carrying? Whose seed has taken root inside of me?”

His hands clench at your words, his nose flares. 

“I’ve asked you a question, husband: who is the one who had me, who bred me? Was it him? Hmm? Who was it?”

Your nails are leaving half moons on pain in his wrist that he can't feel, his fingers spasm over your clothed tummy with the need to rip your clothes open to stare at your naked body: you’ve never been more beautiful and enchanting than now that you're full of his child, his cock is always at half mast with the need to be buried inside you warmth, now so tight and always welcoming.  You don't realize how crazy you drive him, how much he wishes to stay rooted inside of you for the rest of his life, to suck on your breasts until you're keening and begging him to stop, but he will not: he needs to die with your taste in his mouth. 

Your eyes stay locked for what seems hours but it is just seconds, before Abraham's hands evade your hold to grab your face, his long fingers in your hair to keep you where he wants you to be. 

“It was me.” He growls, before smashing his lips against yours. 

It’s not a gentle kiss, nor it is refined; his mouth slants over yours and his tongue invades your mouth, proprietary and hungry, while he backs you towards the bed and you kiss him back ferociously, your fingers already under his shirt, your nails raking down his long back.

He undresses you fast, almost ripping your clothes off your body and keeps his burning gaze on your skin while he undresses himself: you can see the hunger there, barely controlled after all the months you were too sick to sleep with him, but you still feel self conscious of the way your body is changing and of the way your scars are uglier now that your skin is stretched thin over your bones and your belly is already so big. You know he doesn’t see any of your imperfections, that he loves you, yet you wish to be perfect for him, unblemished for his eyes to see.

You slide up the bed to make space for his long body and spread your legs to accommodate his form as he hovers over you, his weight carried by his strong arms. He knows what you’re thinking, he can see it in the darkened hue of your eyes and in the way your fingers itch to cover your body with the bed sheets: he’s not going to have any of that. You are his, belong by his side, not under the heavy cloak of shame: to him you are as pretty as you were before the fire and the way your body is changing adds more fuel to the fire of his desire.

His lips are soft all over your skin, starting from your brow he kisses a slow path down your body, over your closed eyelids and your nose, his teeth nip your lips playfully and his mouth sucks at your neck, until you’re marked for the whole world to see. Gentle his tongue licks your burns and ravenously he sucks on your breasts, he murmurs sweet nothings at your belly and he smiles when he hears the child kick in response; his long fingers explore you slowly, you’re embarrassed by the squelching sound you hear and he’s having none of that.

“So perfect.” He murmurs, the blue of his eyes almost hypnotic. “So much tighter for me, and always wet.” “Aaaabe…” It comes out strangled as your back arches as much as your tummy lets you. “You’re always hungry for me? Are you not?” “Abraham, please!” You whine when his calloused thumb grazes your clit. “Answer me. Show me how obedient you can be.” He growls hotly. “Yes Abraham! For you! Only for you, husband!” You whine as your cunt tries to suck his fingers deeper. “What a good wife you are.” He purrs. “I think you deserve a reward, don’t you?”

The pads of his fingers start massaging that rougher patch inside of you faster as the thumb of his other hand takes care of your swollen clit and you cant your hips following his lead, moaning as the pleasure unfolds inside of you and spreads through your nerves, warm and familiar makes you whine and shake under his ministration.

“Abe! Abe!” You plead, needing his permission. “Close, Abe!” “Yes, now!”

His fingers move impossibly fast and your body vibrates with pleasure, trashes and arches drenched in sweat under his, your mind almost snapping when his lips curl around one nipple and suck hungrily as you come with a desperate moan.

“Oh God.” You pant, seeking his warmth. “You did good, sweet wife, so good.”

You feel pleasure lick at your nerves again when he uses his hand, drenched with the proof of your pleasure, to slick his erect cock with slow, deliberate strokes, his eyes boring into yours, daring you to look away.

“I love you.” You sob. “I love you so much!”

You don’t know where the tears come from, but they fall freely from your eyes and Abraham is fast in slotting himself behind you to hug you as tight as he can. With your big belly in the way, hugging from the front while laying down is difficult, you have to squirm a bit to hide your face against Abraham’s neck to cry, desperately, his masculine scent calming you and driving you into overdrive at the same time, heightening all your feelings for him, now exploding in your chest like fireworks.  Your emotions are so much stronger now that you’re pregnant, they escape your control, leaving you defenseless against your own self, and lost without your husband.

Abraham’s callous fingers dry the tears from your cheeks carefully, as if you’re made of glass and he’s afraid of breaking you with his oaf’s strength.

“Better?” He murmurs in your ear. “Yes. I don’t know what happened.”

You snuggle closer to his warmth, making sure his hand is laying flat on your belly and your leg is over his, wanting his cock to find home between your lower lips.

“You don’t have to.” He says and you know he’s telling the truth. “I know. I want you, please.”

The heath in your voice travels like an arrow to his cock, which swells once again, aided by the warmth of your cunt and the knowledge that you want him, and him only. He rolls his hips against yours, letting your smell, the taste of your skin pervade his senses. His hand takes hold of your tight to secure you against his body as you moan, reveling in the way his body responds to yours, how your desire entices him, how this magic can only work between you two, and no one else.

Slowly, Abraham enters you.  Ever since you stopped feeling so sickly, he tried to be as gentle as possible with you, choosing to forego his more rough ways to express the passion that consumes him, preferring to be gentler, to feel your body react to his, to just experience your pleasure and though that, find his own.

Both of you groan when he bottoms out and your walls hug his cock impossibly tight, almost to the point of pain when he starts to rock against you, his erection sucked in when he leaves your warmth, the velvet of your walls the sweetest torture, your moans spurring him on, your taste intoxicating on his tongue, as it is the softness of your breast in his hands.

His hips rock gently against you, a soft moan escapes your lips with every push in as one of your hands grab blindly behind you, scratching his naked skin, trying to pull him as close to yourself as possible.

“I’m here.” He growls. “Feel me.”

Your body shakes in his hold, your nails scratch his skin, pain and pleasure mix in your brain, leaving you a begging, screeching mess in his hold as his calloused hands grab and touch your breasts, your nipples so sensitive already that you keen, almost in pain. 

His touch is delicate, yet proprietary on every inch of your body; the way his free hand slides on your sweaty skin to grab at it, the hold on your hip to keep you flush against his bigger body, his teeth on your neck, everything marks you as his in ways the ring on your finger doesn’t.  Nothing compares to feeling him explore you and own you, to have his cock rearrange your insides with long strokes that make you whimper, to feel his index finger slowly play with your clit, keeping you on the edge of pleasure, not letting you fall, not yet, not before he’s fucked the fist of your cunt some more, heard your desperate sounds of pleasure, squeezed your breasts, now so big they fill his hands, marked you again and again.

“Abe! Abe!” You whine, you hips bucking against his hold “Shh, wait! Not yet!” he growls desperately. 

It’s so hard to control his own orgasm when your cunt sucks him in and he can only grind against you as you kiss him, ferocious and desperate, tongue and lips sloppy against his: how he wishes to keep the two of you on the edge forever, to stay rooted in your cunt until the end of times, to bully that rough patch inside of you until your voice gives, to never have to leave you again!

You come with a scream, white sparks explode behind your eyes as your cunt clenches so tight Abraham follows you immediately, his seed marking you yet again. His vision blackens for an instant, his orgasm infinite inside the sanctuary of your body, until all his muscles relax and he slumps against you, who lay breathless on the bed, overused cunt stained by his leaking seed, just basking in the feeling of his tired lips all over your sweaty skin.

For long seconds you two exist in this blissful silence, broken only by your ragged breaths, you two might as well be the last people on earth, the thick paneling of the vardo providing with all the soundproofing to believe the camp outside doesn’t exist.

“Are you still angry?”

You ask Abraham, after turning on your other side to look at his face. He’s more relaxed now, his hair a mess, his cheeks pink with exertion.

“I’m never angry with you. Your friend? He should know not to touch what isn’t his.”

There’s still an edge in his voice, that known possessiveness now enhanced by your state that’s the core of your husband. He means well and fears the gadji and their violence, is petrified by the idea of losing you, or the child: he’d die without either of you.

“I’m not sure I can call him that anymore, not after the way he looked at you. Shush! I don’t care that you’re used to it.”

There’s something in your husband’s eyes, an emotion you can’t decipher, too fast it disappears after he’s closed his eyes.

“You are truly a gift from God.” He says, and it’s the most romantic thing he’s ever told you. “I’m being just, that’s it.” You answer.

You cup his cheek and he rubs your palm like a cat.

“I’m so happy I’m carrying your child, Abraham.” “A pretty baby just like the mum.” “And the dad. Don’t sell yourself short.” “I don’t have much good to give.” He says with clouded eyes. “Don’t! If our child has half the courage and strength you possess, I could be happy. Don’t try to win this argument!”

Later that night, after you two had indeed eaten the pie outside, while chatting with your extended family, Abraham loses himself staring at you, asleep all curled up in one of his old shirts. The cotton isn’t loose on your body as it used to be, not with your protruding belly and fuller breasts to fill it, not that it matters: you always take his breath away. 

Slowly, making sure he’s not waking you up, Abraham moves the hair hiding the burn marks on your head and kisses the scarred skin with reverence: if the child is going to be half of the good person and the fighter you are, he can call himself a happy man.  You are too good for him, he can only try to live up to you and be a decent father, show the child the right way in this life, but with you by their side, he knows the child’s future is bright.

[songsofadelaide]

Race Against the Sunset

cw/tw: Duke Fraldarius Felix x Princess reader, Azure Gleam route spoilers, no use of yn, childhood friends to lovers, family drama and trauma, long flashback, swordsmanship references, mentions of the deaths of loved ones, marriage of convenience turned loving marriage. wc: 16k (I am going to cry again) ୨୧ This fic will not use 'yn' and instead follow my usual naming convention. Please kindly see yourself out if you're uncomfortable with fics using placeholder names for the reader. I do not use 'yn' in any of my fics. I still use 'you'/second person pronouns and write with a generic (f) reader in mind. The name isn't mentioned often and is just for my preferences since I find it jarring to write 'yn' frequently. Thank you for understanding!

For a moment, he remembered that week you spent in their estate at Fraldarius territory many years ago. He recalled the singing of the young women employed in their estate's kitchen and how you sang along as you helped in meal preparation, even though you weren't supposed to be there because you were a guest. Those were hymns to the Goddess even he was unfamiliar with.

"Blessed are they who bask in the splendour of Gloriana's unreachable, empyrean domain!"

Felix had never been a pious child even from the beginning, even though the Kingdom of Faerghus' roots were so deeply intertwined with that of the Church of Seiros. Yet here was a girl who made him worship the very ground she walked on. 

Here was his Gloriana, her sword arm unmatched and her skill unparalleled. 

Not that he would ever admit it.

The succession crisis between the two princes of House Blaiddyd was played out like a melodrama. Birth order meant little in the Kingdom, where a singular truth prevailed time and again: those born with Crests were destined for greatness, and the Crestless would have to settle for what would be handed to them. 

You were born to your parents on the fifth day of the Harpstring Moon in Imperial Year 1163, four months after the birth of your cousin, who would become the Crown Prince of the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus. Dimitri's birth overshadowed yours, a fate your father believed you shared, given his position as a king who never became. 

Much to everyone's amazement, Prince Rufus doted on you immensely, so much that he seemed more human than the decrepit stand-in many thought him to be. Your father loved you dearly. How could he not? When you were born with the very thing he lacked, the blessed blood that made him so different from his younger brother, the sole reason he fell so short of becoming the king himself. Rufus cared not that you were born from a mistress mother. You were his blood— and his salvation. 

…But mistress was hardly the correct term to refer to your mother. She hailed from a cadet branch of House Charon and was a distant relative of the current head of the ancient house. That must explain the auspicious mixing of blood between the descendants of Blaiddyd and Charon, which resulted in you being born with a Minor Crest of Blaiddyd— the very same one your cousin possessed. 

When the plague swept through Faerghus, not only did it claim the life of the Kingdom's beloved Queen Consort, but your mother's as well, leaving your father and Grand Duchy household to care for you as you grew older. Rufus had no time to mourn his muse, and it was only after an exchange of condolences between the brothers that the king caught wind of the one thing that kept his older brother sane.  

King Lambert was only made aware of his niece's existence when she turned five years old, a time in which he also searched for appropriate companions for the crown prince. On your fifth birthday, your uncle sent you many an exquisite gift from the capital— a lovely dress the colour of Blaiddyd azure, a tailored coat made of the finest winter fox pelts, a box of delectable sweets from the city's best pastry shop, an ornamental dagger with a mindfully crafted leather hilt— a kind that fit your little hands perfectly— and a letter of invitation to Fhirdiad. While it was addressed to you, it was clear from the tone that it was meant to be read by your father, who only looked at the gifts in disdain. 

Rufus knew the truth behind the gifts and what you symbolised to the nobles of the Kingdom, especially those in the capital. Your existence was a threat to the current state of things and perhaps this invitation was Lambert's way of ascertaining his brother's allegiance to the Crown.

Yet he could not deny the truth of the matter, too. You were part of the Royal Family as much as he was… And the fact that your governess suggested a higher form of education for you only compounded his thoughts. 

"Papa, look! It's so beautiful!" 

Lifting his tired blue eyes from the letter sent by his younger brother, a smile lit his dire face when he saw you don the pristine white coat and twirl around at his feet, your sweet laughter of delight ringing in his ears. 

The coat was of exquisite quality, its paleness further highlighting the features you inherited from your mother— and it pulled at your father's heart so. Many thought him incapable of loving anyone other than himself, but it was clear from the way he tenderly spun you around as you danced that he cherished you. 

"And how beautiful you are, my little star." 

And there was no way that he would let you out of his sight, not even at the king's command.

"The Grand Duke of Itha, Prince Rufus Thierry Blaiddyd, and his daughter, Princess Imogene Aislinn Blaiddyd."

In Imperial Year 1168, Rufus was astounded by the fanfare and celebration that marked his daughter's first visit to the Kingdom capital, and among those who received you at the castle town were the king himself and the crown prince. He had his watchful eye on you as you gracefully curtsied in obeisance to your uncle the king and your cousin the crown prince. The look on Lambert's face softened as he bent down on his knee to receive your little gloved hand in his. "The honour is all ours, my little niece. I know you must be rather tired from your travels, but Dimitri insists on introducing you to his friends…"

"Oh! You're wearing the coat I chose for you! I'm so happy you like it!" Dimitri remarked with a smile and a twinkle in his blue eyes. His face was framed with the same golden hair as your father. "Did you… like our gifts for you?"

"Yes, I did! Even the little cakes were so delicious!" You beamed at the boy dressed in the same Blaiddyd azure as you were, happily recalling the afternoon you shared the said sweets with your father and your governess. The castle at Itha Plains had been your home all your short life, with your father, your governess, and the household staff the only people you've known so far…

"Come with me. I would like to introduce you to my friends," the boy said with an outstretched hand. You hesitated and turned to your father, who only gave you a short yet apprehensive nod of assent. 

"Very well, Your Highness. I—" You stated as you placed your gloved hand in his open palm, and he grasped you with a tremor that called your attention to his face once more. 

"You need not call me that, mine cousin. You and I are family. We are cousins— and you are the only one I have in the world."

Your astonished eyes met his wide blue ones, the weight of his statement still settling in your mind. Dimitri was your cousin, bound by the shared blood of your fathers, and just as he was the crown prince, you were a princess of this country, too. "Very well, Dimitri. I would very much like to meet these friends of yours."

"Such a pretty girl can only take after her mother. Caitlin must be pleased," Lambert remarked as he eyed the children's retreating figures. While you had a semblance of your father, it was your mother's soft features that stood out more when you first came face to face with your uncle. "It does my heart good to see you well, brother." 

Rufus was quiet in his place as he eyed the city alight with merriment. The plague that ravaged the country struck Fhirdiad at its heart, but here it was, beating once more, the castle town so full of life that you'd mistake it for another place or another time. 

"The change is marvellous, wouldn't you agree? All of this was possible with the help of the talented Court Mage…"

He wondered how Lambert's grief did not blind him to the fact that so much had to be done in Fhirdiad if he wished for it to be a dignified place worthy of its glory as the capital of the Kingdom. He had to admit that this was a feat he could not have achieved without losing his mind in the process. 

Rufus nodded at his younger brother, the two of them in their similar signature Blaiddyd azure regalia, yet still different sides of the same shining coin. "It is good to see you, brother."

There was a warmth in the king's face that unsettled his older brother, but it might have been the fact that Lambert was truly happy to host his niece and Rufus in Fhirdiad after many years. "You must tell me all about her. I doubt I'll have the time to speak with my niece myself now that she's with Dimitri. He was most excited to meet her…"

Dimitri's excitement was indeed obvious by the way he led you to his friends, most of whose names and stations you couldn't remember yet, but it was clear from the delighted looks on their faces that they were pleased to have finally met you, the Princess of Itha, and the crown prince's only known living cousin. 

But you heard the whispers as well— men who called you a "usurper"— and only understood the meaning of it all when you were reunited with your father later that day. Rufus did well to politely decline Lambert's later invitation to remain at the capital for the remainder of the week, citing your "homesickness" as the reason for your departure to Itha. 

He couldn't have you hearing those things. You were innocent… until he said otherwise. 

On the carriage ride back to your home, your father held your hand in his. "Did you enjoy your time at the capital, my little star?" 

You happily nodded your assent to his query. "Yes, papa! I had such a fun time with Dimitri and his friends! They were all so nice to me!"

A dark-haired boy was particularly awestruck by your presence, evidently surprised to see the resemblance between you and your cousin firsthand. The nameless boy shyly yet quickly stuffed his present into your small hands, and you held onto it for the rest of the day, the pretty wrapping paper crinkling in your grip. You were only able to ascertain what it was when the ribbons eventually came undone— a little decorative dagger with a blunt blade made of Mythril, the hilt delicately crafted with precious aquamarine stones.

"Will we come back again? To Fhirdiad? Dimitri said that I would always be welcome there… That we would always be welcome there. Because we are a family," you wondered aloud, the ornate dagger still in your hands. "I know that some of the people there hate me… but I would never take what isn't mine, papa. Madam Liadan told me that I shouldn't do it because it's bad… and the Goddess would punish me…"

Rufus was evidently surprised by your statement, which was far too forward for your age. He lamented the fact that he wasn't able to shield your ears from the mindless prattle of the Kingdom nobles under Lambert's file. 

Had he been the one… you would be his heir. The crown princess. He offered you no more words, but simply hoisted you on his lap and held you in his arms until you fell asleep, the exhaustion and excitement of the day finally settling in your little bones. You clung onto the gifted dagger until you arrived back at Itha, refusing to part ways with it even as your father tucked you into bed. 

That night, you dreamed of a dark-haired boy in aquamarine, his hazel eyes disappearing into his smile as he held out a gloved hand to you. 

Following your first meeting, Dimitri often requested your presence at the capital. The boy only spent a day with you but already considered you one of the most important people in his life. Rufus received countless letters of inquiry and invitation and eventually relented— allowing you to visit every once in a while, especially since it was at the crown prince's behest. 

Your visits to Fhirdiad were often short but memorable. While you spoke of the trivialities of your life in Itha, Dimitri often talked about how wonderful it would be to have your constant support and presence with him at the capital. It almost sounded like he was asking you to move there. 

"It's nice to visit every once in a while… But papa has stressed the importance of my presence at home. As your future Grand Duke of Itha, I still have much to learn, and as do you, as our future King," you told him from across your table, laden with a spread of sweet tea and pastries for your tea party for two that afternoon. "Speaking of which, where is Uncle Lambert? I have not seen him since this morning."

"Father is on a campaign further north," the young prince replied to your query. "In Sreng."

"I pray to the Goddess for his safety…" You said rather quietly. "Surely they did not send him there unprepared…"

"You need not worry. Father has the finest men in the Kingdom riding by his side," Dimitri smiled at you. "Even I am not troubled in the least bit. Those men are his closest friends."

Friends. Your memory was jogged. 

"That reminds me… When I first visited Fhirdiad, one of your friends presented me with this lovely dagger," you started, carefully pulling out the tiny ornamental blade from your floral embroidered satchel. "I never got around to asking his name. Your friend with the pretty black hair, I mean."

Dimitri inspected the dagger and easily recognised who it was from by the colour of the gemstones that dotted the hilt. "You must be talking about Felix. He is the second son of Rodrigue, who serves as my father's right hand at present."

"Felix…" 

"If you'd like, mine cousin, I can ask Felix to come here as well on your next visit," Dimitri stated as he returned the dagger to you. "That way, you can thank him for his present."

"I would like that!"

"Your Highness," one of the house's older female servants arrived at the garden where your tea party was being held and gave a quick bow to your cousin. "Your weapons instructor is here. It is time for your lessons."

"Is that so?" Said the boy with a frown. "I'm afraid we'll have to cut our tea time short…"

"Weapons instructor? You mean you study how to use weapons?" You asked rather curiously. 

"Yes. I will have to learn how to properly wield Areadbhar, the Hero's Relic entrusted to our family, though I am still not allowed to hold it, of course…" he replied, catching the curious yet crestfallen expression on your face. "You are to be the Grand Duke of Itha in the future. I believe you should at least know the basics of wielding a weapon. Would you… like to come with me, mine cousin?" 

Dimitri saw the shine of wonder that lit your eyes this time, your excitement clearly uncontainable as you leaped off your chair. "Oh, can I really?!" 

"Of course you can. I will have someone prepare a change of clothes for you," he said with the same warm smile as he beckoned the elderly servant to do as he had told. "But I must warn you. Gustave is a strict teacher. Just as he does not take it easy on me, he will not take it easy on you, too."

And not only was he strict, but an incredibly effective teacher. Despite his apprehension, Gustave was able to drill down the first principles of swordsmanship into you, even as you struggled in the lengthy trousers lent to you by your cousin. He sensed the same potent strength within you so akin to the king— and the crown prince… the blessedness of your blood. 

The power of a Crest. 

The feel of a sword was so different from holding but a mere dagger. You felt its weight in its entirety, dragging your shoulders down unless you put your back into lifting it. As you practised your swings with a blunted iron sword, Dimitri held an iron lance in his slightly larger hands, watching you sweat at your diligent efforts.

"Why did you teach her the sword, Gustave? Aren't axes and lances your specialty?" 

"The sword is easy to teach to a beginner, Your Highness. It seems she has taken a shine to it, too," the older man stated, his tired blue eyes drawn to the corner where you stood, cutting through the air with the dull weapon he chose for you. "I do not want to cause any trouble by teaching her the lance. The princess, she… She must not get the idea that she, too, can wield your family's Hero's Relic. Not only is it a weapon of old, it is a symbol of your sovereignty. She must never aspire to even just hold it in her hands." 

As your visits to the capital grew more frequent, the time you spent with your father grew less. Rufus always made time for you whenever you asked, but it was clear that he was busy with the affairs of Itha and many other discussions that required his attention more and more. Contrary to your initial thought that he would get angry at the swordsmanship lessons you had with Gustave at Fhirdiad, your father was amazed at your skill and the progress you have made so far. 

In fact, Rufus was so pleased with your efforts that he purchased a rapier of excellent quality for you. You and Dimitri only admired it from inside its sheath and leather case as you continued your lessons with the red-haired knight, who marvelled at your shared strength and skill, which was clearly a family trait. 

Gustave no longer looked at you with unease and trepidation whenever he instructed you but with a newfound admiration, especially on the rare occasions when he permitted you and the prince to spar against each other. You declared outright, after all, that you wielded your blade in the service of your king and your crown prince. 

The skirmish between the two young royals would often draw the attention of many knights and squires in the training grounds, who watched in awe at the sight of your shared exerted effort. Many have learned to watch out for stray sparks and splinters whenever your weapons broke apart from yours and the crown prince's sheer strength.

Dimitri was a fierce opponent even at your young age. He never went easy on you but did his best to match your ferocity. You possessed similar Crests which meant you stood on equal ground, even though you were a girl. You didn't see any shame in losing to each other, either, but often considered each loss a learning curve. Your hands— now callused after how many moons of arduous training with the blade— no longer shook as your training sword clashed against your cousin's training lance. 

It was during that sparring match that you encountered the boy who gifted you the aquamarine dagger once more, his present now one of your most prized possessions. 

"So the rumours were true. You have been training the Princess of Itha as well, Sir Gustave. I can only imagine the number of weapons they've already broken," said an older boy with the same long and dark hair as Felix. He eyed the bout between the royal cousins and was both amazed and troubled at how well you could hold yourself against the prince. "It seems His Highness has found himself a stimulating training partner. That saves me some of the exhaustion, at least."

"Well met, Glenn. The princess has proven to be a keen student herself," the older knight stated as he acknowledged the presence of the two brothers. "She will be an asset to the Kingdom in time of need." 

An asset is what many wished you'd be, but there was no denying the disquieting possibility that you may be used against the Royal Family— even though you were part of it, too. 

"Well, here she is, Felix. A far cry from when you last saw her, huh?" The older boy, Glenn, chuckled as he placed a hand on his younger brother's head of dark hair. "You should join them. I'm sure Sir Gustave wouldn't mind another head to look after."

"You're free to join them, Felix. I know you've sparred with His Highness before, but I must warn you that the princess is not someone to be underestimated," Gustave said as he walked over to the centre of the castle training ground to call for a truce between the sparring cousins. 

Felix stood there, his warm hazel eyes following the length of the prince's spear as its blunt pointed end met with the dull edge of your training blade. Dimitri lowered his weapon as his blue eyes fell to your face, a look of concern washing over him when he saw a small scratch on your cheek. He quickly reached out to cup your grazed cheek, but you only laughed as you gently swatted his hand away.

"Are you hurt anywhere else? I must have not noticed…" 

"I'm fine, Dimitri! I swear!"  

It was only when Gustave gestured towards the direction of the spectating young noble that you noticed him, another smile lighting up your face as you and your cousin made your approach. 

"Felix! It's good to see you!" Said Dimitri as he held you by your hand. "My cousin had been looking forward to seeing you again."

"Your Highness," came Felix's rather distant and embarrassed greeting to his friend. He echoed the same sentiment as he finally came face to face with you this time. "Your Highness."

"H-Hello," came your nervous salutation. "I-I wanted to say thank you f-for your present when we first met."

"You're welcome, Your Hig—" 

"You can call me by my name," you stated a bit more confidently this time. "A-Are you here because Dimitri said I wanted to see you again?" 

"I— I am, my lady," the dark-haired boy sputtered as he shifted his gaze from you to the prince, who had a pleased smile on his face that slowly shifted into a chuckle. 

"She said she did not need such formality, Felix. Just as you and I are friends, so are the two of you now," said Dimitri as he reached for his friend's gloved hand. He then brought your hand forward and engaged in a three-way handshake. "Now then, shall we call it a day? I believe you and Felix have a lot of catching up to do." 

"W-We do?" Came your sheepish query. A soft laugh left your lips as you placed a warm hand on the back of your neck. "Well, if… If Felix i—"  

"A-Actually, I would like to c…" Felix stepped up with a more determined expression on his face. "I would like to challenge you to a sparring match, Princess." 

"I—"

"I-If you're amenable to that, of course!" 

"I'd like that very much! I'm sure Dimitri is bored stiff having to spar with me all the time."

"I'm pretty sure you're talking about yourself," the young prince said with a smile and a small sigh of defeat. "Well then, carry on, my dear cousin. If Felix is here, then I'm certain Glenn is as well. He shall be my training partner."

Dimitri approached Gustave and gestured in your direction, clearly advising the older knight of your intention to spar with the second son of House Fraldarius. You adjusted your training clothes and trousers, picked up your sword once more and took a deep breath. 

From your lessons with your governess, you knew that House Fraldarius is a family of warriors. Rodrigue earned his title as the Shield of Faerghus for defending the king in their last military excursion to Sreng. His eldest son, Glenn, was a knight in the making and Dimitri's preferred training partner, seeing as the older boy could keep up with the prince's stamina. 

It was clear from his movements that Felix had the build and stride of a child at ease in battle. Such was their family's claim to success, apart from the fact that they, too, were the progeny of one of the Ten Elites. Your opponent shed his winter coat, a striking aquamarine blue with a collar made of the same fine winter fox pelts his family could afford. In his hands was a similar training sword, and in his eyes was a spark— an obvious exhilaration at having to do battle with an unfamiliar adversary. 

"I won't go easy on you just because you're a princess," he said as he raised his blade and assumed his battle stance. "Just because you're my friend."

His statement was bold yet bright, compelling you to step up to the occasion with the same excitement filling your chest up to your throat. You steadied your feet and raised your blade in response to his declaration. "I welcome the challenge! Come at me, then!"

In Imperial Year 1171, the Saintess, Cornelia, welcomed an Imperial lady to her home, and the King was so besotted by her that he married her in the shadows. Lady Patricia was a kind woman who raised the prince as her own, and yet… There was a certain sadness to her that you couldn't quite put a finger on. It was during one of your visits to Fhirdiad that you were introduced to each other, and the older woman warmed to the idea of having you around as her company.  

That same year, a girl from the Empire arrived in Fhirdiad, too— and there were whispers about her being a princess, too. You saw the delight that lit your cousin's face whenever he spent time with her, a girl whose air of precocious maturity matched the rumoured title she held. The girl, who simply introduced herself as El, taught you and Dimitri how to dance, and took pleasure in gently commanding your movements. 

"You need to learn how to dance, too, Immie. You're a princess, after all!" 

The young prince could only laugh and smile to himself whenever you blundered a step as El's partner. He cherished this memory— of you and him dancing with the girl who wore Adrestian crimson amid the pale blue cold of Faerghus.

There was a sadness in her you couldn't quite comprehend as well, so akin and similar to that of your new aunt. You tried your best to make them feel welcome in the capital, Dimitri even more so, but you both lamented being unable to do anything to ease the burden of their loneliness. 

You could relate to them in a way, especially since you've been seeing your father less and less. The day you last saw him was on the annual New Year's hunt at the Itha Plains, which did not go as planned since Rufus was inebriated from the festivities the previous night. He, along with his counsel and companions, most of whom were family members of the Kingdom's western lords, rode deep into the thicket in the heart of the plains, closely followed by you and your attendants on horseback. 

While it didn't please you to see your father drunk beyond his wits, the very thing you couldn't stand back then was the sight of several noble-born women flocking around him. They lauded his missed strikes, the sound of their shrill voices nothing but grating to your ears. And it annoyed you even more that he relished the attention.

You took the minibow you were equipped with and released a single arrow that struck a startled forest fox, much to the surprise of your father and his counsel and companions. 

"Th… The first ki—" 

You did not even wait for the knight to finish his declaration and rode towards your father with an indignant expression before lowering your head in exaggerated, mock reverence. 

"May you have a blessed and bountiful hunt, Grand Duke," you coldly stated before riding off to the castle, leaving him behind with the rest of his men. You made your way to Fhirdiad not long after, not a single response from your father even after you sent word that you arrived there safely. 

Part of you wanted to return home to Itha to see him. To reconcile with him. But part of you also wanted him to suffer in silence. 

Your seemingly short visits to the capital soon turned into moons. And before you knew it, you were celebrating your birthday with your cousin's family rather than returning home to Itha. Your uncle and aunt were happy to have you there with them, but Lambert understood that you longed for your father, too, though your pride wouldn't allow you to admit it. 

The king presented you with many gifts from his side of the family, but there was one Dimitri did not recognise as theirs— another leather case that contained yet another sheathed blade. "This is from your father. I believe he also has a letter for you."

It was another exquisite sword for you, the Crest of Blaiddyd engraved onto its silver blade. Along with it came a thick fur scarf made of the striking scarlet pelt of forest foxes native to the Itha Plains. You tried to receive the presents without tearing up and only read your father's message in the silence and solitude of your bedchambers after all the festivities celebrated in your name.  

"Happiest Birthday, my little star.  May you use this blade to strike forth and cut a path to your destiny, which I am hard at work to see come to fruition.    Papa misses you so." 

The letter was brief and had little detail, but you could tell from the erratic handwriting that your father was grief-stricken in his attempt at reaching out to you. 

He would have to wait a bit longer. 

The following day was your birthday celebration with your friends, all of whom piled presents upon presents in your arms once more. Despite being Dimitri's friends originally, they welcomed you into the fold as part of their close-knit circle. Sylvain, the heir of House Gautier, gifted you with a classical board game you used to play with your father, while Ingrid, the daughter of Count Galatea, presented you with a pair of fine leather riding boots. 

This year, Felix gifted you yet another dagger, but this time was different, for he had given you a functioning toothed knife rather than another ornamental trinket. 

"The Itha Plains is one of the best hunting grounds in the Kingdom, and perhaps all of Fodlan. As its princess, you're bound to host hunts there sooner or later. I can only hope that this will serve you well," he stated, handing his present to you with a short bow. "Happy Birthday."

"Thank you, Felix. And to everyone, too, for all your lovely presents! While all of these are so precious to me, the mere fact that you're here to celebrate this day with me warms my heart," you beamed at your circle of friends as they sat across from you, your table in the castle garden filled with sweet and savoury snacks and flowering tea. "I'll be going home tomorrow. As always, I'll carry my time here in my heart… And I hope to be back soon. For now, I have to speak to my father."

"Ah, that reminds me. Felix mentioned earlier that he can accompany you on your way back to Itha before he heads back to Fraldarius," Dimitri stated as he lifted his head from his cup of tea. "Have you not told her yet, Felix?"

"How thoughtful of you, Felix. Though I must tell you now that I have no intention of riding by carriage," you replied to your cousin's statement with a smile before eventually turning towards the dark-haired boy. "I will go on horseback, giving me the perfect opportunity to break in these lovely boots Ingrid got for me."

"And that gives us the perfect opportunity to race, too, Princess," Felix said with a small snort of derision. "That is if you're not against getting those new boots dirty, of course."

"Wanna make a bet while we're at it, too?" You said with a laugh. "The loser will do whatever it is the winner wants."

"Deal."

Dimitri could only shake his head in defeat as he listened to your thoughtless wager. By nightfall, he came to visit your bedchambers one last time before you went your way home. He found you packing your belongings, among those the ornate aquamarine dagger Felix first gifted you years ago. It sat on your bedside table on a special wooden stand carved by one of Grand Duchy's household staff. 

You placed the toothed dagger next to the jewelled one and smiled to yourself. "I have so many knives and swords."

"It is a thoughtful gift. I don't know if this has been taught to you, but we from the Kingdom consider such weapons as tools of destiny. I believe Felix wishes for you to cut open a path forward for yourself…" 

For an object to hold such weight… 

"And though it might be purely ornamental, its message doesn't really change," Dimitri stated as he sat down next to you on the edge of your bed. "You are the Princess of Itha, but if there is anything else you wish to be, you… You have only to tell me. So we can discuss it."

"Well, I…" You started, a sheepish grin now on your face. "It might sound like a girlish dream, a-and maybe it is to you, Dimitri, but I…" 

You beckoned him to lean down so that you could whisper your tender dream in his ear. A gentle laugh left his lips as he nodded to himself. "I think we can do something about that."

"But I will continue doing my best… so that he'll like me for who I am."

"I'm pretty sure he already likes you as much, my dearest cousin."

By daybreak the following morning, a retinue from the Grand Duchy Army was prepared to receive you, and they were surprised to see that you'd already mounted your horse, opting away from the carriage they readied for you. 

Riding beside you was the second son of House Fraldarius, his dark hair already tousled by the calm morning breeze. Several Fraldarius soldiers tasked with his protection shuffled into your retinue's line. 

"We'll race when we catch sight of Itha Castle," you declared as you gave your steed a gentle kick, prompting it forward. "For now, we have all the time in the world to talk, Felix. Have you thought of a prize if you win?"

"I have," came the boy's silent but confident response. 

"I suppose I should think of one now, then."

"We have all the time in the world," Felix echoed your sentiment with a small smile on his face. "Consider it carefully, Princess."

From a view of a map, the Itha Plains was but a stone's throw away from Fhirdiad, but travel to and from still took at least half a day. The boy riding next to you asked you questions about your early childhood— from before you knew him— and even went so far as to ask you about your intentions in the future. 

"I know that many still think I am a usurper… And that no matter how much time I spend in the capital, they will still look at me like I would intentionally cause a succession crisis," you said with a defeated chuckle, but not before raising your eyes to meet his gaze, your vision unclouded and clear of any hint of deception. "I've said it before and I will say it again— I've no intention of taking what isn't mine. When the time comes and if the need ever arises, I will fight for the Kingdom as Dimitri's sword. I've no intention of being Queen." 

"That's reassuring to hear." 

"I'm glad to hear you think that, our future Duke Fraldarius."

By the time the afternoon sun had made its way up in the sky, you and Felix had already spoken about nearly everything you could— and you already spotted your castle's first turret from across the horizon. 

"Race you," you declared to him, gathering your horse's reins before giving it a small yet impactful smack on its behind. Your steed picked up its pace as the path towards the castle slowly tapered upward. While you were sure you had a headstart, you caught a flash of aquamarine in the corner of your eye. Your horses were sprinting alongside each other at what seemed to be equal speeds, but you could only laugh out loud as Felix and his steed narrowly edged you out and arrived at the castle courtyard mere seconds before you could. 

"Welcome home, Princess," the dark-haired boy stated with a small smirk on his fine face. "Expect to see me again soon." 

"I eagerly await that day, Felix," you said with a smile and a nod. "Thank you for taking the time to accompany me back to Itha. Please take care on your way home."

"Dearest ■

How fare you, my dearest cousin? Last I heard from you, you arrived at Itha safe and sound. It does my heart well to know that you made it back home safely.

I only heard from Rodrigue the other day that you spent about a week in Fraldarius at Felix's request. I thought your loss would teach you not to make such ill-considered gambles in the future, but it seems you enjoyed your time there with Felix and his family… Are you perhaps grateful for that loss? It sounded like a win either way.

I am more surprised at how you and Felix managed to convince Uncle Rufus to permit you to go on that excursion. The old man watches over you like a hawk, as far as I know. Regardless, I hope you had fun. 

El says she misses you. I do, too. 

I hope to see you again soon. Please tell me all about your trip to Fraldarius. I am pleased to hear that you and Felix are getting along so well. 

Sincerely yours, 

Dee."

"Dearest Dee,

How fare you, my dearest cousin? I have been well and I hope you are, too. I apologise for my lack of communication with you lately… and for the lack of visits to Fhirdiad. Papa and I had a lot of catching up to do. 

Let us just say we have reconciled and leave it at that. Papa apologised for his mindless actions the last we met and I apologised for my impetuousness. 

Can I ask you how you felt when Uncle Lambert remarried? I am not too keen on the idea, but I suppose papa is still a man… I just wished he would choose his companions wisely.  

And as you already know, I spent quite a vacation at the dukedom. It was not so much a vacation, really, but more of a training camp. From sun up to sun down, Felix and I have done nothing but spar, hunt, and maintain weapons. Lord Rodrigue almost sent me home when Felix made out with their family's Hero's Relic without permission. It's a terrifying thing, isn't it? A Hero's Relic. The shield almost seemed alive and breathing to me. I shudder at the thought of having to wield something so… grotesque. But you've been training for that your whole life. 

I miss El terribly, too. And you, too, of course. 

I'll tell you all about my trip to Fraldarius when I visit Fhirdiad again soon. For now, stay warm and stay safe.

Yours truly,

 ■"

In Imperial Year 1176, your uncle the king perished in the Tragedy of Duscur, along with many other knights and vassals of the Kingdom. Duke Fraldarius lost his son Glenn in the clash, too, and you couldn't shake the thought that something more nefarious occurred in what should have been a peaceful diplomatic mission. 

And even as you pleaded in tears to be allowed to go to Fhirdiad to see your cousin, who had just lost his own father, Rufus did not permit you to go. 

"The Grand Duke is right, Princess. There is no need for you to rush," the Saintess, Cornelia, whom your father had taken as one of his closest companions in more recent times, also dissuaded you from heading to the capital. She spoke of the right moment to make your appearance, which was strange since you wanted nothing but to be by Dimitri's side at that time. 

…Something about your father's calmness about the catastrophe unnerved you. His reaction was almost inhuman, but you didn't want to give it too much thought. He could have been shocked, for all you knew…

By the time you were finally allowed to visit Fhirdiad, your father's regency had been finalised, and the nobles of the capital and the castle's household only seemed to look at you with even more contempt. You did not see much of your cousin even though you remained in there for his sake. The lords loyal to the late king evidently did not want you around the crown prince, either. 

You were almost violently rebuffed that one time you tried to help Dimitri when he was having a panic attack. His unfamiliar guardian from a foreign land shoved you away and spoke to you in broken sentences— both in the language of Fodlan and Duscur. It was only when your cousin placed a reassuring hand on the imposing boy's shoulder and explained to him who you were that he was able to quiet down.

"She is my cousin, Dedue. The only one I have in the world."

Dimitri, who was the sole survivor of the tragedy, was inconsolable for the first few moons after the horrific incident, and even you could not pick up your sword to train without being reminded— without imagining the hellscape he endured and survived— and the eerie feeling that clawed at your chest when you recalled your father's unbothered expression when he received the news of his brother's death. 

Whispers of your father's involvement in your uncle's death did not help your reputation in the capital, either, and the fact that Rufus did little to disengage himself from the rumours only compounded the frigid treatment you've been receiving from the nobles and the castle staff. 

The only ally you ever had was gone, too, driven away by his shame. Everyone had the same response when you asked about Gustave's whereabouts— "He's gone."

At Felix's behest, you were present with House Fraldarius when they held a memorial for Glenn, a true knight of the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus, or so Rodrigue said… But not even your soothing touch could quell Felix's fist, his entire body seizing in a tempered rage he tried his best to contain. He was not the only one who lost a loved one, after all. And yet, he couldn't stomach how his father glazed over his eldest son's death. No words of embellishment will take away the fact that Glenn was killed horrifically in the Tragedy of Duscur. Felix would resent his father for that.

It was Rodrigue who implored you to return to Itha while Dimitri gathered his bearings. He knew of the grievous treatment you endured in the capital, even more so now that Rufus preoccupied himself with the Saintess's company more than anyone else's.  

"His Highness will certainly ask for you once he has figured everything out, Princess. Return home for now. I'm certain you're tired of all the suspicion yourself."

And you did so, only because it was true that you could no longer abide by the royal household's disdain for you. You did not know that it would take Dimitri four years to reach out to you again, the boy you knew changed beyond recognition. 

In Imperial Year 1178, Dimitri, the Crown Prince of the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus, and Felix, a knight in the making and the Heir of House Fraldarius, were tasked with suppressing an insurrection in Western Faerghus. Many of the knights who accompanied them attested to seeing the prince roll over the rebels with maniacal bloodlust.  

You were half-certain Felix might have developed the same grisly instinct, but you were relieved to find out that he was blatantly disgusted by the boar's unhinged behaviour. The incident prompted him to step away from his knightly vows, his sole intention now was to become a swordsman of unparalleled skill. 

You spent the past few years handling the affairs of Itha as the acting Grand Duke. As the regent, Rufus spent his days holed up in Fhirdiad under the thrall of the Saintess, Cornelia. He did not bother to manage the Kingdom, let alone reach out to his only daughter. 

…Though you knew for a fact that you may not be your father's only child now. 

You received no word at all from Dimitri, either, and you could only assume that he was busy with his responsibilities and studies as the crown prince. 

Or maybe he wanted nothing to do with you, either. 

Still, you handled the affairs of your home with all the knowledge and grace you possessed thus far. You often received wise counsel from the Head of House Gaspard, Lord Lonato, who once served as your father's retainer in their youth.

"Since it is now the Horsebow Moon, I suppose we should open a portion of the hunting grounds to the public…" You stated as you browsed through the stack of documents piling up on the desk in your father's office, which you have used as your own these last few years. "Oh, and the merchants and craftsmen from the Leicester Alliance should be accompanied by members of the plains' official hunting guilds. Many are unfamiliar with just how dangerous the grounds can be…"

Your elderly governess, Madam Liadan, now stood as your sole attendant and counsel while you were acting in an official capacity as the Grand Duke of Itha. She took pride in your expertise and manner of leadership as you steered your hometown in a direction that would benefit its people. 

"A word, Your Grace," came a knock outside the den. "Lord Felix of House Fraldarius has requested an audience with you."

"…Felix?"

True enough, your dearest childhood friend found his way to your home with only a handful of guards. His dark hair was grown out, now kept in a messy bun. His once warm hazel eyes stared down at you with a fierce coldness as he refused to dismount his horse, riding around you and your courtyard as you came face to face with him after how many years. 

"Ride with me, Princess," he stated with a small scoff. "Or are you content playing house and assuming a title that isn't even yours yet?"

"I—"

"We don't have to race this time," he said. "Just talk."

"Call for a stableboy to fetch Aureolin for me," you motioned to one of the household staff present to receive the heir of House Fraldarius. "And have one of the servants fetch my sword, the one from my father. I'm certain the heir of House Fraldarius did not just come here for a horse ride. Or to just talk."

"We shall have an attendant f—" Madam Liadan stated, only for you to cut her off with a mere wave of your hand. 

"There is no need for that, Madam Liadan," you said with a smile that did not reach your eyes. "Lord Felix is my friend. He and I have much to talk about, none of which is any of your business."

You heard a faint chuckle leave the said friend's lips as he steered his mount to the castle gates once more. 

"Receive his good men instead, please. Give them food and drink and allow their horses to graze," you instructed the household staff as you saddled and mounted your steed, Aureolin. "Shall we be off then, Felix?"

Your ride was quiet but meaningful, and it allowed you to rest your mind from all the noise of having to manage your household and lands. Felix noticed the pleased yet pensive expression on your face as he steadied the pace of his horse to match yours. He only spoke once you were in the heart of the plains, far from your meddling governess and the prying eyes of your father's loyal people. 

"Before everything else…" 

"Did you think I'd shirk my training just because I've been busy with paperwork, Felix?" You said with a low laugh as you swiftly dismounted Aureolin and unsheathed your sword. "Come. It's been a while since I had a worthwhile sparring partner."

The sounds of the grass in the plains crunching under your boots and the steel of your swords clashing quickly dissipated in the air, the open field unable to contain even your heavy breathing and heaving as you steadily held against your opponent. 

"Well, I'm glad all of that bureaucracy didn't dull your skill," Felix stated with a smirk and a small grunt as he parried your blow. Your bladework in your youth was wild and untamed, but your hands were more steady now, your strength measured and concentrated in a way that matched his own. "This cursed strength, though—!"

"You aren't so bad yourself," you said with a huff and a laugh. "Let's put our back into this, Felix!"

For a moment, he remembered that week you spent in their estate at Fraldarius territory many years ago. He recalled the singing of the young women employed in their estate's kitchen and how you sang along as you helped in meal preparation, even though you weren't supposed to be there because you were a guest. Those were hymns to the Goddess even he was unfamiliar with.

"Blessed are they who bask in the splendour of Gloriana's unreachable, empyrean domain!"

Felix had never been a pious child even from the beginning, even though the Kingdom of Faerghus' roots were so deeply intertwined with that of the Church of Seiros. Yet here was a girl who made him worship the very ground she walked on. 

Here was his Gloriana, her sword arm unmatched and her skill unparalleled. 

Not that he would ever admit it.  

It was only after you both broke a sweat that you called in a draw. You sat next to each other on the grass, knees and elbows brushing as you each wiped your swords clean with your cloaks, like when you were children.

There was only the faint sound of a calm breeze and the gentle swaying of the grass and weeds as you worked up the blade of your sword. You ran your thumb over the engraving of the Crest of Blaiddyd before eventually asking, "How is Dimitri?"

"Here," Felix stated, further slicing through the silence that enveloped you. He pulled out a single sealed letter from the inner pocket of his cloak and handed it to you. "The boar… has been trying to reach you for the last four years. Did none of his letters ever reach you?"

Letters? From Dimitri? 

You shook your head. "No. Not at all…"

He sighed. "Figures. He said he sent you countless letters, but I wouldn't be surprised if this was your father's doing." 

"My father?"

"Are you so out of touch with reality that you're in denial about what's going on in the capital? The boar no longer has allies there," he scoffed at your ignorance. "I'm not going to sugarcoat things for you just because he's your father. He's doing a terrible job as the regent and if you're going to pretend to be blind to that fact, then you're just as terrible as he is." 

"Felix… My father hasn't reached out to me ever since he assumed the regency of the Kingdom. Ever since Lord Rodrigue urged me to return to Itha four years ago. I wrote him letters but received nothing in return," you stated with furrowed brows after hearing everything for the first time. "And Lord Rodrigue told me that Dimitri would call for me once he's figured things out. The last I heard about him was after the Western Kingdom rebellion. You were there with him. He… must have figured things out by then, but…"

You pursed your lips as you held the unopened letter in your hands. "Part of me thought he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. Many of the nobles of the capital have made it clear that they hold nothing but disdain for me, after all."

"That's not true. The boar could never hate you."

"I feel so foolish," you said, swallowing a sob before it could escape your lips. "I should have stayed there with him."

Felix reached out and wiped away your tears with a callused finger. "No use crying over that now. And trust me— the boar— Dimitri doesn't hate you. He wouldn't have bothered with that letter if he did." 

"Dearest ■

How fare you, my dearest cousin? It certainly has been a while. I can only assume that my previous letters never got to you. You would write to me as soon as you received one, after all. How can I be so sure? Because that is how we've always been. You are my only cousin in the world, the closest thing I have to a sister. You are a friend I know I can trust my life with, regardless of what other people think. 

I've been hearing much about your good work at Itha. Many claim that your political acumen is just as good as your father's, but we can do more about that. I know things must have been terribly lonely for you, yet you handled everything with ease and grace. 

I am writing to you once more to let you know that I intend to enroll in the Officers Academy at Garreg Mach next year. Many of our old friends, including Felix, will be attending as well, and nothing would give me greater joy than being reunited with you— and seeing you amongst the rest of the members of the Blue Lions House. 

Believe it or not, Uncle Rufus and I have spoken about your enrollment, too. He did not say much about it but only agreed, which was all the more surprising given that he hasn't spoken to you much these past few years. I would know since he kept no one else close to him but the Saintess. 

I hope you are taking care of yourself and I truly hope to see you again soon. And maybe we can discuss some of the things that happened back then.

Sincerely yours, 

Dee.

PS: Let us celebrate all the birthdays we missed out on because we were apart."

In Imperial Year 1180, you joined the Officers Academy at the same time as all of the other noble children of the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus, forming the Blue Lions House under Dimitri's leadership. It was there you were reunited with your cousin and childhood friends and heard the truth about his way of life these last four years— and why his letters never reached you.

You didn't want to believe it at first, but every detail made sense. The Tragedy of Duscur, the death of your uncle, the Western Kingdom uprising, and Dimitri's solitary confinement in his own home… Everything pointed to your father and his obsession with possessing the throne that was never meant for him.

"I'm sorry, Dimitri… All the signs were there in front of me, but I never… I never…" You said, your voice cracking as you sat across your cousin, the tea and sweets no longer appetising and inviting after everything you heard from him. And Dedue, who wanted nothing more but to trust you after everything your father has done. He did not believe in blaming children for their father's mistakes, but you had a mountain of doubt to climb and overcome if he and the rest of the house were to trust you completely.

"It is not you who has to apologise," Dedue stated. "His Highness said before that he trusted you with his life. If you are still that person, then you must prove it with your actions."

"I don't care if it's not my fault, either," you sobbed into your hands this time. "I'll spend the rest of my life atoning for what he's done, I swear…"

It was only after you calmed down and had your tea that Felix approached you, a dour expression on his face as he spoke directly to you, ignoring your companions. "Are you finally done with your whining? Spar with me, Princess."

"Spare me, Felix. I'm too spent to even think about picking up my sword. The monastery is huge and the academic year has just started. I'm sure there are many skilled people just as eager to test their mettle against an unknown quantity…" You replied with a hand on your temple. 

"I'll only be warming up with you," the dark-haired young man said with a scoff and a shrug. "You're right, after all. There won't be a lack of people to spar with here."

"Did you just call me a warm-up session, Felix?" You quirked an eyebrow at him. "You know what? I'll have at you. I'm angry and need a way to blow off some steam, anyway."

"Are you calling me a cooldown session, Princess?" He snorted. "On second thought, it's good that you're angry. That means you won't hold back." 

While the peaceful school days gave you a sense of normalcy, those days did not last as long as everyone initially thought. Your latest mission saw the rescue of Baron Ochs's missing daughter Monica, who was found by your new mercenary friend in the bandits' hideout. Her reappearance opened a can of worms that needed to be cleaned out. Following the disappearance of the librarian Tomas, trouble and turmoil brewed in all three cornerstones of Fodlan simultaneously, like a masked puppeteer masterfully pulling strings— and everyone else along with it.

And unsettling as it was, the Blue Lions could only press forward into the truth you long sought, about who was truly running the show in Fhirdiad. 

But your enrollment was swiftly withdrawn following the dangerous revelation about the truth of the identity of the librarian Tomas. And though you protested, everything fell on your father's deaf ears. 

"He is right to be concerned about you, mine cousin," Dimitri told you as you shared a meal during what was supposed to be your last day of schooling. "And it would be wise not to anger him. That way, you can still convince him to return when the issue has died out." 

"But I don't want to go home," you said with a little grumble, absentmindedly poking your food with your fork. "Not after we've only reunited…"

"Scared of missing out on all the fun?" Felix sneered at you, to which you responded by stabbing the remaining teppanyaki in his place and scarfing it down whole. "Wh—! Hey!" 

You reluctantly parted ways with Dimitri and Felix and the rest of the Blue Lions House by order of the regent, your father. Ahead of your trek back home to Itha, you made a quick and unexpected detour to the Kingdom to see how he had been doing. 

"Welcome home, Your Highness!" 

You were welcomed by new Royal staff, all of whom took orders from the regent. Among those who received you at the castle town was a lord you were unfamiliar with by name, but you remembered him as one of your father's companions from the New Year's hunt.  

"Have you been well, Your Highness? Allow me to take you to His Grace." 

"Oh, thank you, uh…" 

"Viscount Kleiman at your service, Princess," the older man gave you a quick bow. "You would do well to remember my name and my face, especially in this coming era." 

This coming era?

You tried not to pay too much mind to the viscount's words and simply focused on who you came there for. "Has my father been well?"

"Perhaps you should see for yourself, Your Highness. I'm certain your presence will lift his spirits."

A strange chill danced up your spine as you were led to the former king's bedchambers, where Rufus paced and lounged these past few days. 

"Papa?" You called out to him as the aged wooden doors harshly creaked open, as though they hadn't been for quite some time. 

"Is that you, my little star?" 

Your father looked worn out, and it was evident from the rubbish that littered the room that he accepted no other company apart from the Saintess, Cornelia, who closely stood next to him. 

"Have you been well, papa? Oh, it's been so long…" You said, your voice cracking from both the joy and despair you felt as you stepped into your father's space. He was crowned with an unfamiliar circlet of precious blue steel, and the dark circles under his eyes made him look even more ragged and unhewn. He could only grasp your wrists in place as you lifted your hands to hold his face, your thumbs tenderly running over his cold cheeks. 

"His Highness h—" Cornelia started, only for you to shoot her a look that could have killed if only possible.

"With all due respect, Saintess. I wasn't talking to you." 

"How lovely you've grown, my little star," Rufus managed a small smile. It was his turn to gently hold your face in his freezing hands, which you tried not to notice. "Fret not. We won't be apart for long. You'll return to me once everything has been settled."

"What do you mean, papa? What will you do? What's going to happen?"

He did not answer your questions but only pressed a soft yet cold kiss on your forehead, the kind you were so used to receiving when you were a child. 

When it was just you and him.  

"Return to Itha, my little star. Stay there until I send for you," he stated as he turned away from you. "Go."

"But papa—!" You tried to reach for him, only to be rebuffed by the Saintess in crimson, barring you from approaching your father once more. 

"His Highness needs his rest, sweet princess. But worry not. It won't be too long until you remain here for good. This is your home, after all."

"The Itha Plains is our home, Saintess. You would do well to remember that."

"The Grand Duke has fought tooth and nail for his house's future. Your future, if we are being more specific, Princess."

The same eerie chill swept up your spine once more as you locked stares with the green-eyed mage. Still, you showed no hint of trepidation as you approached her. "I did not wish for him to fight for me. I wish for nothing but to spend time with my father, not the regent. And once Dimitri is crowned king, he and I will return to our home."

Cornelia smiled at you, her eyes void of emotion but her voice was still saccharine and sultry. It was no wonder your father was so enthralled by her. "Of course, Princess. Believe what you will."

The days blurred altogether as you resumed your management of Itha. You expected your father to send for you sometime soon, but what broke your routine was a lone Kingdom soldier allied with the Crown Prince, riding past your castle security with haste. 

"I have an urgent message for Her Highness, the Princess of Itha! His Highness and his counsel have sent for you!"

"What's going on? What happened?" You asked as you rushed past your household staff, not a care in the world with how undone you looked. 

"It's the regent, Your Highness! The Grand Duke seized complete control of the capital and declared war on House Fraldarius! He is calling for the annihilation of Lord Rodrigue and his family! He claims they are controlling His Highness!"

No. 

You felt your blood run cold at the revelation that was sent to you. All the signs yet again point to your father— and his fanatical, maniacal obsession with the throne. With killing Dimitri.   

"This conflict will only end with one of them dead," you said, your lip quivering in terror at the thought. "I… I will ride to Fhirdiad!"

"You will not, Your Grace! His Majesty will send for you once he has put the usurper to rout!" Madam Liadan declared as she barred your way to the stables. "Such is the price of peace—"

"There is no peace and there will be no peace even with one of them dead!" You shouted, swallowing the lump in your throat as you flung her out of your way. "Get out of my way, Madam Liadan. I will plead for my father's life if I have to."

"Y-You forget yourself, Princess! Everything he's done, he did for you! You would disrespect him by begging for his life— for leniency?! From a usurper?!" 

You once dreamed of officially inheriting the Itha Plains from your father. You dreamed of him accepting your choice of a husband. You dreamed of him as a grandfather, carrying your children— dark-haired, with eyes as warm as hazel and sunrise— and you dreamed of caring for him in his old age. You dreamed of a long life for him, far from all the melodrama he was initially born into… and a gentle death befitting the gentle father that he was to you. 

But no matter how good of a father he was to you, the weight of his sins to his family and the Kingdom hung heavy and low in the scale. He would pay the ultimate price for it. 

In your shock upon your arrival to Fhirdiad, in the aftermath of the succession crisis and Dimitri's resolution, you fell to your knees in tears of agony, crying and cursing yourself for arriving far too late— for never being enough for him to disregard the indignities of his youth.

"Hey!—"

The last thing you saw before blacking out entirely was Felix hurriedly reaching out to you. 

Finally, you dreamed of your father holding you in his arms as you made your way back to Itha following your very first visit to the capital, blissfully joyful and unaware of all that has yet to transpire. 

In the days that followed in the aftermath of the succession crisis, it was revealed that the Houses Elidure, Mateus, Kleiman, Rowe, Duval, and many other minor western lords played a part in the assassination of the late king. Dimitri's counsel worked swiftly to ensure your father's part in the ploy was also unveiled and made known to everyone in the Kingdom. You accepted that as the truth now. 

Your interrogation was conducted by Margrave Gautier, who accepted your statement as fact. Even if you had known anything, you would have related it to your cousin as soon as you could.

"The Princess of Itha has made it clear that she had no involvement in the matter and knew nothing about the coup," the older man related to the young king and the rest of his counsel. 

It made sense that you knew nothing of your father's scheme, for your role would come to pass in the future. For the pieces of his plan to fall into place seamlessly, you had to be blameless and unblemished. He kept you as far away as he could so he could present you as his faultless heir. Rufus would deal with the fallout in the years that followed. 

But your father was dead, and you were nothing else but a misplaced pawn. 

"I know," Dimitri stated. "How is she?"

"The princess is of sound mind if that is what you wish to know, Your Highness. I believe she is waiting for a chance to speak to you if you will permit it."

You remained confined under guard in your childhood bedchambers in the capital. This place was once filled with happy, joyful memories of your youth, but now it served as your prison cell. 

More of your father's misdeeds came to light when you last spoke to the Margrave, and though he does not blame you, he also made it clear that your presence would mean contention for Dimitri. For once, you found yourself cursing the very blood that flowed through your veins. You cursed the Crest you were born with that made your father aspire for things beyond his grasp. 

The indignities of your cousin's youth had yet to be repaid, and you swore to him that you would do so in kind for as long as he wished.

When Dimitri finally came to see you, you could only grasp his hands, unable to look him in the eye. "You've known where my heart and my loyalties lie ever since we were children, mine cousin. I swear to the Goddess. To our dead fathers… I no longer care what you wish to do with me, but believe me when I say not even once did I aspire to be Queen."

"I've known from the very beginning," he stated as he held your hands and quelled their shaking. "I believe in you. And I cannot cast you aside, even if you wish. You are the only family I have left… And I do not want for us to become like our fathers…" 

"We will never be like them," you strongly declared through your tears. "Never."

Dimitri and his counsel worked tirelessly to restore order to the capital before eventually extending their reach to the rest of the Kingdom. You assisted with implementing many of the reforms after being proven innocent of the regent's attempts at usurping the throne. 

You were used to the mistrust of the people, so much that you wished your cousin would delegate you tasks that required others to watch you carefully— just so you could prove that you meant him no harm. That your heart was nothing like your father's. 

Your fate, as the elephant in the room, was the topic of discussion in one of their recent councils, where they burned their candles at both ends to come to a resolution. While some of them voted to banish you from the Kingdom, others argued your possible usefulness to the king's cause, including Felix, who attested to your skill with the sword, which you previously pledged to Dimitri's service, whenever he asked for it.

As it stood, you remained a political prisoner granted remarkable leeway— so much so that you were still permitted to eat, train, and spend time with the prince and your friends, much like when you were children. 

"The matter with the princess is rather complicated. We simply cannot allow her to walk away from all of this," Margrave Gautier stated. "We cannot allow her to return to Itha, either, lest she be taken away by the remaining forces of the western lords—"

"—and be used as a symbol. A weapon against His Majesty," Rodrigue remarked.

"You're right. But she is no political prisoner. She is my family," Dimitri stated this time. "And she will be treated as such by everyone else while she is here."

Margrave Gautier turned to the young king. "If I may, Your Majesty. You said you trusted the princess. How can you be so sure that she will not betray you?" 

"Because she spoke the truth. She never wanted to be Queen, even when we were children. The highest thing she ever hoped to be was…"

A ghost of a smile made its way to the young king's face, only for it to disappear following several puzzled looks from his counsel. Felix was equally perplexed by the sight. 

"Unlike her father, she supports my claim to the throne and never once contested me for it. I'm certain that caused some kind of rift between them, but my uncle's desperation and determination to keep her away from the infighting only showed how much he cherished his daughter still…" Dimitri said with a thoughtful hand on his chin. "Since we're on the topic of what should be done with her, I may as well give you the best option. A way to ensure her loyalty to our cause… though I know we do not need such methods. It will require your approval, Rodrigue. But, ah… I suppose it would be more appropriate for the new Duke Fraldarius to have a say in it, since he is also part of this plan."

"What do you mean, boar?" Came Felix's incredulous quip, to which his liege only responded with a small but knowing smile. 

"All she's ever wanted to be is your wife, after all."

For Dimitri, there was no turning back anymore from what had already been done. The Kingdom called for his ascension and he cannot put it off any further, no matter how he tried to avoid it. A mountain of tasks lay at his feet ahead of his coronation and you were there to carve open that path for him, at least that was what you endeavoured to do after everything that transpired. When word reached you that Felix would soon become the next Duke Fraldarius, you pondered where your place would be in all of this. 

The Itha Plains, its surrounding lands, properties and territories have been consolidated under Kingdom rule in the meantime and all of the dealings you and your father previously signed off on have been effectively frozen. The new king will figure out what to do with the Grand Duchy once the more important issues have been resolved. 

While you were initially part of Dedue and Rodrigue's reconciliation campaign to Duscur, Dimitri has made indications that he will need you elsewhere, and that your father's sins are not yours to bear. But until he speaks to you about it, you will continue your work as a basic weapons instructor in the Kingdom, alongside the mysterious mercenary from your academy days, the one who possessed a power so eerily similar to that of "Tomas" and the "Saintess", Cornelia. 

It gave you no pleasure to put the knights in place, especially when they were loyal to your father, the regent. Some would declare their fealty to you, their blade under your command should you want it, but it was evident that they were misguided and led away by the false promises made by an irresponsible king who never was.

You missed Rufus, but it was clear to you that the Kingdom would fare better without him at the helm. And you would want nothing to do with ruling even in the future. 

When the evening came and training sessions came to a close, it was only you and your mercenary friend left in the castle training grounds to round up and conduct an inventory on the weapons used throughout the day.

"For a princess, you're surprisingly diligent," they remarked as they gathered the used swords in place. "Whenever I think of princesses, I'm always reminded of how… delicate they must be." 

"I'm a far cry from delicate, even when Dimitri and I were children, Commander. When Gustave taught me how to wield a sword, I fell in love with it at the first instance. And I suppose it's only fitting even for a girl like me born into the Kingdom, which values strength and our heroic bloodlines over everything else," you replied with a low chuckle as you carefully lined up the spears and lances in their racks. "My Crest made me stronger than the average person, too… So surely there was something I could do to support my cousin, too…" 

"You know, Dimitri told me something before the incident… when I was questioning this… gift I had. I thought you ought to hear it, too. You both have the same kind of strength. He believed his power was given to him so he could protect others. Your cousin has always believed in the innate goodness of a person more than anything. That explains why he chose to trust me despite everything. I know for a fact that he believes in you and greatly trusts you, too," they stated with a firm resolution, a spark of hope in their amethyst eyes. "I'm only able to stand here before you because of Dimitri, who believes my gift can be used for the greater good. Do you think the same way as I do? The only thing left for you to do is to prove that you are worthy of his trust. Of our trust."

"I… I'll prove it. I wield my blade in the service of my king. There is nothing more I could want."

Your conversation was cut short when you heard approaching footsteps followed by your cousin's wide shadow spilling on the ground. "There you are, mine cousin. Gustave said I'd find you here." 

"Well, we're just about done here anyway, so I'll leave you two to it," your mercenary friend said with a smile. Dimitri gently patted their shoulder as they passed by him. "I'm gonna help myself to some dinner now!"

"Oh, thanks for the help, Commander!" You managed to holler at them as they disappeared into the castle. 

"I was hoping we could share a meal ourselves, mine cousin," the young king started as he offered his elbow to you. "You know, we never really got around to talking about your time in Fraldarius lands."

"That week I spent there was one of the most unforgettable moments in my life," you chuckled as you linked your arm in his. "Felix… still smiled a lot back then."

"That is true. I suppose we will see less and less of that once is officially named the new Duke Fraldarius," Dimitri stated as he led you through the castle halls, specifically through the Hall of Kings, where portraits of the members of the Royal Family hung. You paused between the portraits of your father and your uncle, the late king, the brothers in their similar signature Blaiddyd azure regalia, yet still different sides of the same shining coin. "My counsel and I have come to a decision regarding your fate. There were some who wished to banish you from the Kingdom, but I would not have that. I could not agree to that… out of my great love for you and my respect to my uncle, who was nothing but a good father to you, I believe. You are my only family left in this world." 

"And you are mine," you solemnly nodded at him.

"I know the Itha Plains is your birthright, but we have decided against granting it to you. There are still some who fear the contention you pose and think you will not be so different from your father. There are still some who will not think twice to herald you as the rightful heir to the throne."

"Perish the thought," you said, your brows furrowed as you shook your head in dismissal of the notion. 

"I wish to keep you close, for I know that I can still trust you with my life, but in order for that to happen, you will have to renounce your royal title."

It was an unexpectedly lenient consequence, but not entirely surprising to you. You had no right to be begging for anything after everything that has happened, and to prove your worth and compliance to the Kingdom's cause, you agreed. "That is something I can do. Perhaps something I deserve, too."

"And marry Felix."

???

You looked up at Dimitri with eyes as wide as saucers. He did not just say that, did he? "Wh— Wait, what did you say?!"

"You will marry Felix and become his wife as your way of ensuring your loyalty to the Kingdom's cause."

"I— I would have renounced my title either way, Dimitri!" You attempted to disentangle yourself from him, only for him to hold you hostage with his grip. "A-And what did Felix have to say about this?! He must be seething in anger at having such an important thing be decided for him—"

Your bickering drew yet another set of footsteps this time, followed by the familiar, cynical voice of your childhood friend, who just happened to be your topic of discussion. 

"You ought to stop putting words in other people's mouths, Princess," Felix stated as he made his approach. "Are you done talking with her, boar?"

"Since he's here, you may as well ask him yourself," your cousin said with a smile as he placed your hand in the other young man's open palm. "I suppose I'll have dinner with our mercenary friend while you're at it."

"D-Dimitri! W—" You groaned to yourself as you watched the young king's figure walk away from you, as though he successfully led you into a harmless trap. 

"What's this I heard about you wanting to marry me ever since we were children?" 

Felix was never one to mince words, so you weren't at all surprised that he didn't evade the issue. 

It was embarrassing to hear him talk about it upfront, though.

"Th-That's—! Th-That was supposed to be a secret between me and Dimitri!" You squeaked at him. "I-I didn't expect him to actually find it usef—"

He squeezed your hand, reminding you of where you were and the decisions that had to be made. "And you'd rather it remain a secret than find out what I think about it?"

"I…"

"Hmph. Will marriage to me be such a chore for you?" He scoffed as he slowly released you, only for you to grasp his sleeve.

"N-No! I— It's true that I've always wanted to marry you, Felix! But I… I would never want for you to marry me out of obligation! Doesn't it sound like a punishment to you? I-I'm practically a traitor's daughter to everyone else, more or less… B-But this—! This… is such an important matter! This is marriage! I-If we agree to this, you'll be spending the rest of your life with me, of all people…! A-And—"

Oh, you were rambling at this point, your words strung together and incoherent as you attempted to explain your side to no avail. It was only when Felix held your hands in his once more that your mind was silenced from the thoughts that crowded it. 

"Princess," he said, his low and steady voice slicing through the noise of your thoughts. "I'm not marrying you out of obligation. This is not a punishment and you are not defined by your father's sins. Only fools refuse to accept the fact of your innocence. I agreed to that decision because I want to marry you."

"I… I—"

"And we're only having this difficult conversation because the boar beat me to it," he grumbled this time, his embarrassment evident by the blush that crept up his neck to the tips of his ears. "S-So what's it gonna be, princess?! Are you going to marry me or what?!" 

"Y-You want to m-marry me?! S-Since when?!"

"Wh— Why does it even matter?! Just say yes so we can be done with this!" 

"O-Of course I'll marry you, Felix! Th-This is like a dream come true! B-B—"

"I—"

"I-I've liked you f-from the start!" You sputtered at him, your hands burning in embarrassment as you squeezed him right back. "A-At first you were the boy with the pretty black hair, b-but when I started training with the sword and we started training together, I— I've been thinking of so many ways to grab your attention!"

You only realised now that you didn't have to try so hard.  

It is now 1182. Two years have passed since Dimitri's ascension as the King of Faerghus. As part of his reforms to the Kingdom, he established his private army spearheaded by none other than the not-so-mysterious mercenary from your academy days, who proved to be a reliable and trustworthy person. They grew to be a well-respected commander by both the nobles and the commoners who banded under the banner of the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus.

As agreed upon by the king's counsel, Rodrigue stepped down from his position as Duke Fraldarius and passed his title to his named heir, Felix. After renouncing your royal title, the two of you were wed in a simple yet elegant celebration in Fraldarius lands, the snowscape becoming the perfect backdrop of your union. 

The promise was sealed with a pretty ring he inherited from his mother. For all his austerity, Felix was a good husband and he was exceptionally kind to you, even though it was mostly him growing and maturing into his role— both as the Duke Fraldarius and as your spouse. 

For your efforts in aiding Dimitri in his reforms, you were officially appointed a Kingdom General. The title couldn't come any sooner, with Adrestia's declaration of war against the Central Church. That same church is now knocking at the Kingdom's doorstep and to deny it assistance would be denying Dimitri's ascent to the throne. As a member of the Kingdom vanguard, you understood that the declaration wasn't just a mere threat, but a promise that the Empire would do whatever it could to accomplish what it set out to do.

But the deeper into Imperial territory you step into, the looser the lid on the can of worms becomes— that can pertaining to the cloud of mysteries left in the wake of the Tragedy of Duscur. The string of deceit will unravel by the King's hand, and many of your allies who lost someone dear to them in that incident will receive the closure they deserve. 

You don't speak much about it, but Rufus sometimes visits you in your dreams, sometimes in unpleasant ways that rock you awake. When Dimitri was held hostage in Fhirdiad after being captured by the witch Cornelia, you hardly had a wink of sleep because of the image of your father's headless corpse standing at the foot of your bed. 

The exhaustion you felt deep in your bones was forgotten in the rage that nearly consumed you in the battle to liberate Fhirdiad. You backed your husband and the commander as they made their way into the castle before eventually safeguarding Rodrigue, who was tired but thankful. In a moment of respite, he spoke of how their captors brought them to heel by means of manipulating the king's heart for his people. Dimitri, who was once consumed by the throes of vengeance for the dead, was so concerned about the living and breathing that he willingly surrendered Areadbhar in exchange for a fragile peace in the city. 

There is no peace, you told yourself as you angrily charged at the enemy soldiers that attempted to attack your father-in-law. No peace for me, either.

Cornelia had nothing but a haughty look of derision as you brought her to heel. "Well, if it isn't the Princess of Itha. Ah, but you're no longer that person, are you? To see you reduced to a wife of a mere lord. Your father must be turning in his grave."

"Silence, witch. You're fortunate Dimitri still requires answers from you. I would have struck you down without a second thought if I could," you stated, pressing the pointed end of your silver sword to her throat. "Don't speak of my father. Don't speak as though you knew him. You only corrupted him. And for all it's worth, you were the one who killed him."

That night, you dreamed of your father's decapitated corpse once again, only to find him holding your head in his hands this time.

Ahead of the decisive skirmish against the Western Coalition, Dimitri beseeched you to step away from the fighting for only this instance. He said he couldn't risk you being taken hostage by the western lords and be heralded as a symbol— be used as a weapon against him. Felix agreed with him, surprisingly, but only because your husband noticed your severe lack of sleep.

"Felix is right, mine cousin. We can't have you collapsing on the battlefield because you didn't get enough rest," Dimitri said as you spoke ahead of your war council. "But more importantly, I know the western lords aren't above using atrocious tactics to upend the battle, even more so if they find out that you will be fighting in it."

"For once, I agree with His Majesty," your husband remarked. "Royal title or no, it doesn't change the fact that you are a princess of Faerghus and the daughter of the dead Grand Duke who started this all." 

"But don't you see? All the more I should be in this battle. To teach those western lords the error of their ways. To show them once and for all that they will gain nothing from putting me on a pedestal."

Your declaration would have been perfect if you weren't nearly captured in the ensuing battle. It was a misstep you attributed to your exhaustion, your sound decision-making crippled by the fatigue that enveloped your head. 

Your head. In your dead father's hands. 

No. 

When word reached Felix that you were overwhelmed by the opposing forces, he raced through the battlefield in a fit of rage and fury and a flash of aquamarine, nearly razing the enemies to the ground in lightning and ashes. 

"Get your hands off my wife!"

You were awakened by the golden glow of the setting sun that peeked through the opening of your lodging. As you moved slowly, you were surprised to find yourself encased in an embrace as your husband slept soundly and calmly on your warmed bed. You were out of your battle regalia and in a comfortable sleeping tunic. There were clear signs of your injuries having been cleaned recently and you couldn't help but think of how much of a burden you were to your allies after having made that thoughtless declaration of strength, too. 

Felix mumbled in his sleep, his brows furrowed as he buried his face further into your chest. As you settled into his arms, you noticed the crimson ribbon holding his ponytail slightly coming loose, so you decided to untie it, allowing his silky hair to fall behind him. You caught a lock of his hair and gently toyed with it, curling it around your finger until it eventually came loose. 

"Are we… actually a love match?" You quietly mused to yourself. You didn't mind not getting an answer. You cherished these quiet, tender moments where he was nothing but a husband to you. Not Duke Fraldarius. Not a general of this army. Just Felix. Your Felix.

"You're not one for words, I know that much. You've saved me countless times. I don't even know what to say…" You started, your voice hushed to a whisper. He smelt of your favourite tea blend, too. "And for a man who values strength above all else, I still can't help but wonder what it was you liked about me."

"Mm…" You felt his low grumble reverberate in your chest. 

The colour of the sunset was lovely, casting a warm glow over your entangled figures, illuminating the space until it prompted Felix to wake. 

"How're you feeling?" Came his gentle inquiry. 

"I'm well, thanks…"

"That's good to know," he started, slowly releasing you and sitting up. "Because you're going to get an earful from me! This recklessness of yours really runs in the blood, huh? You and your beastly cousin are cut from the same tough cloth!"

Here comes his tirade, you thought to yourself with a small sigh. But it's only right, I suppose… 

"I'm sorry, Felix," you said apologetically, your hands gently reaching for his own. "I have no excuse for being caught unaware back then."

"What is going on with you, anyway? You haven't been eating. Your bladework has been sloppy," he sharply replied. "And you've been having trouble sleeping?"

You didn't want to conjure it in your head— the image that's been keeping you awake. 

"Hey," he called out to you as your mind wandered, your lashes lowered to your quivering hands. "Tell me what's going on."

"I…" You started, eventually prompted to continue by the way your husband squeezed your hands reassuringly. "I see him in my dreams, Felix. My father. I see his headless corpse holding my severed head in his hands. Maybe I am as guilty as he is."

"You're not."  

"Then why? Why does he visit my dreams in that form?!" You sobbed at him, warm tears filling the corners of your eyes. "I…"

"That's not him," he stated. "Those are just your regrets. You regret not being enough. Not being able to save him. So much that you wish you were dead as well."

Instead of lashing out at his realisation, Felix simply encased you in yet another warm embrace. "The truth hurts but it is the truth, regardless. There was no saving your old man after how far he'd gone. And you have to understand that his sins don't define you. How many times must you hear it from me and your cousin?"

You blinked away your tears and gently coiled your arms around your husband's neck. "Does he ever visit you in your dreams, too? Your big brother, I mean…"

"I can't count the times he did," he replied with a low hum. "Perhaps not as grotesque as your father's appearances, but it was still jarring all the same to me."

The two of you sat in comfortable silence before Felix posed another question to you. "Do you remember the jewelled dagger I gave you on your fifth birthday?" 

"I do. It is one of my most prized possessions."

"It was Glenn who suggested I give you a dagger. I thought it was strange at first because we hardly knew each other back then… But he told me, regardless of whether or not we knew each other, I should wish for you to carve open a path for yourself. And that's exactly what you did."

"Did I really?…"

"You carved open a path for yourself the moment you chose to follow Dimitri rather than fight him like everyone else around you expected you to do."

"Oh, yes. I think I did that," you said with a soft laugh. "I never wanted to be Queen, anyway. I wanted to be the Grand Duke Itha and your wife, though I knew I could only be one of those."

"Hmph. Well, I'm sorry if the Fraldarius Dukedom is all I can offer, Princess," Felix replied with a teasing scoff. He gently released you from his embrace and reached for a carefully wrapped parcel on the floor. "Speaking of which, I have something for you. My mother had it delivered to us."

"What could this be?" You wondered aloud as your fingers nimbly tore through the thick parchment. "Oh!"  

You couldn't take your eyes off the finely made mantle the moment you unwrapped it. 

Aquamarine, with cream white fur lining the collar and hem to protect your neck from the elements. You ran your gloved fingers over the Crest of Fraldarius that was embroidered on the cape with sturdy yet delicate-looking silver thread. 

"Beautiful…" You murmured in tears yet again. 

"I know the Itha Plains is your home, but it's likely that it will go to one of His Majesty's children in the future," Felix stated as he unfurled the cape to its full length before draping it over your shoulders and fastening the clasp on your chest. "This is to remind you that you still have a home. With me."

It was heavy— both the weight of the mantle and the duty tethered to its creation. You would never be the Grand Duke of Itha, but you were the Lady of House Fraldarius and wife of the Shield of Faerghus. 

But first and foremost, you were Felix's wife. A dream made manifest the moment you whispered it in your cousin's ear long ago.

You've faced the shadows of your past and supported each other through the most pitch black of moments. Your love, once a quiet promise made in the innocence of your youth, has blossomed into something profound and enduring. 

That night, you dreamed of your father in your youth, nary a trace of all his exhaustion, but only a calm smile on his face as he finally bade you farewell, your figure cloaked in Fraldarius aquamarine this time, your husband's gloved hand in yours as you marched ever onward, racing against the setting sun. 

୨୧ The images used here are from the lovely webtoon All Colors of Snow by Ah Ai Maria. 💛

[pencildragon11]

The controller at my company keeps misgendering me. Like. Every day. Every time. Hasn't got it right once.

Worst part is he's so confident in his wrongness that it throws other people off. Like the president of the company, my grandboss, who was the first person to nonchalantly switch pronouns for me as soon as i put "he/him/his" in my email signature.

(yes I put all three, for that extra dash of cisnormativity. pronouns in signature are very unusual in my industry, but I have a gender-neutral name and email a lot of international contacts, so it's useful in more ways than one)

The easiest thing to do would be to go to our very nice HR lady and ask her to speak to the controller. (Last year, when I told her I was gonna add my pronouns to my email and switch bathrooms, just as a heads up, she immediately put her pronouns in her signature and said "you shouldn't have to be the only one!" to this day it's just the two of us in the whole company)

But I don't think I will, not yet, much as it would be so much easier.

I don't think I'll go confront him privately either. Tried that once already, a month or two ago, to no effect.

See, the thing about human pedagogy is that we learn so much more effectively when the feedback is immediate, not delayed. If I go say something to him about it now, it'll be a totally separate event, with no subconscious link to which pronoun actually comes out of his mouth in the moment.

But also. More importantly? I've been watching and studying how cis guys interact, how they correct each other and get their points across. And it doesn't look like "hey man, can you change what you're doing, it's bothering me?" I mean, it can. It can look like that, but only at higher levels of trust and vulnerability and intimacy in the relationship.

In the context of the rest of my work relationship with the controller, that level of vulnerability and intimacy would be out of place. It would come across as weakness and, I hate to say, femininity.

It would reinforce exactly the opposite message than I'm trying to communicate

What I need to do is speak up in the moment, right when it happens. It needs to be a casual, "joking" tone, with the tone of ribbing someone for getting it wrong. Because that's how these things are done. Strong feelings and strict social rules are wrapped in layers of jokes and mild public humiliation.

Next time he's calling me "she" in front of everyone I gotta say something like, "it's 'he,' and you know it, man." if it persists after that I can escalate to "dude, we've talked about this, get it right"

the hard part is speaking up in the moment. I freeze. I've always frozen. But I've been studying the ways of cis masculinity and I want it to be a tool at my disposal, not completely out of reach.

maybe I'll ask @ragtimebanshee to roleplay with me so I can practice.

[9tzuyu]

closest to me

prompt: coming out to natasha as nonbinary

note: totally meant to write this months ago, but whateverrrr. and yes, i am aware that not all nb people use they/them, this was just my own little work :p.

warnings: being scared to come out to ur sexy redhead russian of a gf :[

i’d tag but i also don’t want to somehow trigger someone :[

thank u moli for proofreading i love u to the moon and back.

. . .

you’d come out to two of your close friends, ones you knew wouldn’t judge you. they’d taken it just as expected, but that was no surprise when you’d known them your entire life. your shared opinions and thoughts were what brought you together in the first place. 

your friends immediately began using your correct pronouns, and you’d never felt more right in your life. it was refreshing to hear yourself being referred by they/them rather than she/her. their constant support made you feel normal again. after so much struggling, things were finally being put into place.

but there was one person, one very important person whom you hadn’t come out to yet, and that was your girlfriend.

natasha.

the thought of having the conversation alone with her was terrifying. granted, you knew she’d never be anything but supportive, but all the what if’s came flooding through with each attempt you made. 

your fingers trembled as you fiddled with the silver chain around your neck, a nervous habit you’d seemed to form over the years of wearing it. 

god you wanted to tell her so bad.

but as you stood in the kitchen, natasha’s hands around your waist, you began to panic all over again. the familiar fear of judgment wrapped around your throat. 

you didn’t know natasha the majority of your life like you did with friends, so you weren’t really sure what her exact opinions on different pronouns were. sure, she was part of the lgbt community, and of course she was supportive of trans people, but it still made you wonder how she’d feel about pronouns that weren’t he/him or she/her. 

“what’s on your mind, baby? i can practically hear the gears turning in your head.” 

you sighed. natasha always knew when you were lying, so you couldn’t make something up off the top of your head. she wouldn’t force you to talk either though. she’d give a push, but nothing more until you were certain you were ready — or in some cases, when she knew it was becoming too much to bear on your own. 

“just dumb stuff. i’ll get over it soon.” 

natasha nodded against your back, containing her concern for now. “you know i’m here.” she whispered, taking one of your hands away from your necklace.

“want to go downtown? we can look at some of the new shops that just opened up” 

you smiled, “sure.”

for the next few weeks, you weren’t seeming to find any relief though, and natasha picked up on it. she tried her best to make things easier for you, but none of it seemed to work. 

time and time again you reassured her that nothing was wrong, that things would clear up on their own, but another month down the road and natasha could still sense that something was eating away at you.

it’d gotten a little more obvious now. you didn’t go out as much with her when she was with her friends. the constant referral to you as something, or someone, you weren’t was a steady reminder of how outcast you’d originally felt when coming to terms with who you are. 

“she/her” felt like a slap in the face every time you heard it. the words were exhausting, damn near agonizing to hear. but day after day you tried to suck it up out of fear of being rejected by one of the very special people you loved most. 

it wasn’t until one sunday night when natasha came home to you crying in your shared bed when she’d finally had enough. her worry was through the roof and seeing you struggle so much pained her. 

she dropped her keys on the nightstand and crawled into bed behind you, securing her arms tightly around your figure. 

“talk to me. whatever it is, i want to hear about it.”

but that only made you cry harder. you couldn’t help but feel more alienated than you already felt. why were you crying over such a stupid little thing? you could already hear the false words slip from natasha’s lips.

“hey, baby. shh, shh, you’re okay.”

you turned your body to face natasha, teary eyes looking into hers. “you might hate me, or think i’m weird, or a freak, or that i’m just confused.” 

your girlfriend gently combed through your hair with her nails. “i could never think those things about you. please tell me what this is about because i have no idea and i just want to help.”

her steady hand movement rubbing your arm while the other twirled your hand between her fingertips eventually brought you to a more reasonable state. 

“you know how trans people typically go by their opposing pronouns?”

“mhm.”

“well... i don’t- i just- god this is so frustrating!” you frowned, unconsciously grasping at the chain around your neck.

“are you trying to tell me you’re trans?”

“no, no, it’s not that. well, i don’t think so, depends on who you talk to. some people like me consider themselves to be classified under the trans umbrella, but not everyone.” 

natasha hummed once more while tracing small shapes against your skin. 

“what do you think of nonbinary people? like, you know, those who don’t use she/her or he/him?” 

she shrugged, and your heart sank for a brief second before she spoke. “i don’t have a problem with it. why?”

“i don’t like being referred to as she/her. my pronouns are they/them. i’m not a man and i’m not a woman... will that ever bother you?”

a smile broke out across the redhead’s face. “doesn’t bother me one single bit. i love you for you, y/n. not for who you think you’re supposed to be.” 

relief was all you could feel. as cliche as it sounded, the weight of the world felt like it had been lifted from your shoulders. you didn’t have to worry anymore, not while natasha was around.

“is this what’s been bothering you for so long?”

you reached over and grabbed a loose red strand, it was your turn to play with her hair. “yeah. i knew you wouldn’t judge, but-”

“what if.” she confirmed and you nodded. 

“does anyone else know?”

“just my two friends i grew up with.”

“no one else?” you shook your head, looping a red curl around your finger. “nope.”

“is that why you stopped hanging out with me, tony, clint and the rest of them? because everyone referred to you as she and her?”

“yeah, felt like a punch in the stomach every time i heard it. made me feel weird, not normal i guess.” you mumbled, almost embarrassed by the confession.

natasha placed a long kiss on the top of your head, rubbing your back for extra support. “they would never judge you, i’d cut them off in a heartbeat if they did. if it helps any, i can ask how they feel about it? poke around some and let you know what they say? then when they don’t have a problem with it, which they won’t, you can come out when you’re ready, yeah?”

you nodded again, although it was slightly hesitant. “sounds good.”

“forgive me if i mess up a couple of times. i’ll try not to make a big deal out of it and just correct myself.” another kiss was delivered to your head.

“oh! last question. promise.”

“yes?”

“when im around other people and you’re not with me do you want me to use they/them? i don’t want to out you when you’re not ready.”

“i swear you’re perfect,” you giggled. “but you can use they/them both when im with you and when i’m not. just try to keep it casual? please?”

“anything for you, sweetheart.”

[poguestvff]

LIKE A BIG SISTER SHOULD — WHEEZIE CAMERON

in which wheezie cameron finds that blood doesn’t make you family, love and affection does.

taglist | masterlist | 2.5k words | @pogueslandia ,

warning(s): food, she/her pronouns, ward slander, a little sarah slander but that’d include reading between the lines. why’d this make me want to make a series of reader and Wheezie being best friends.

There's always been a heavy feeling of loneliness that rested upon the youngest cameron's shoulders, weighing her down as it seemed to pile over the years. Her siblings were always older, an age gap between them that even if it was shortened by a few years, their worlds would still be two different things. All three of them were in three different stages of life yet somehow it felt like Wheezie wasn't even there at times.

Throughout the entirety of her schooling career so far, everything had somehow been about Rafe and Sarah. Sarah was the perfect one; the paragon who could do no wrong. Even if Sarah tried to disobey, it'd be turned around to be made out as a minute mistake. She'd probably be able to get away with it a second time if she did it a different way. Maybe the same way.

Rafe was quite the opposite. The bastard child who needed a plentiful amount of attention in hopes he can be more like the paragon. With all this attention, his head only grew. It never gave him the space for growth. It minimized the space to stay exactly where he was for years on end.

This left Wheezie to be the ostracized sibling. She wasn't a social butterfly or a poster child like Sarah and she definitely wasn't a loner or the 'damaged goods' child like Rafe. She was just... average. With average grades and an average personality. Just average old Wheezie. She told herself this consistently, watching her father balance his attention between making sure Rafe stayed between the lines he'd drawn for him in a radius such as a dart board and allowing Sarah step out of them, even erasing some of the lines so she could walk on by them without a second thought.

But Wheezie was stuck in that tiny little circle in the middle, the bullseye as if scared to move out of those lines. The one place that was the hardest to pinpoint specifically by her father. But there was one thing Ward Cameron always said correct about his younger daughter. That he wouldn't be able to pin point his little dart of control into the middle of the board because she was misunderstood and misunderstood she was.

Though one person had been able to pick up on every single one of Wheezie's emotions.

Y/n Y/L/N was a pogue who had done tutoring on the side for a little extra money and when John B had recommended Y/n for help with Wheezie's homework, Ward was quick to say okay. He hardly even asked a thing about Y/n, just telling her to help Wheezie pass eighth grade and that was all. It was made very apparent to Y/n that was Wheezie was not as much of a priority to Ward as other things were.

Their first tutoring session, Wheezie was awfully dismissive. She didn't care for any of Y/n's efforts as they sat within the comfort of Wheezie's bedroom. She just wanted the entire hour to be over with the second she'd entered her room but Y/n was insistent, knowing that by the end of the school year she would have something instilled in Wheezie's brain. She just didn't know what that something was yet.

The second time they met, Y/n was more passive aggressive in hopes of breaking down the brick walls Wheezie had stored between her and everyone else in hopes of not disappointing them like the way she thought she'd disappointed her father. Y/n sat her down in her desk chair, swiveling her chair to her as she rested her hands on the younger girls shoulders. "You are going to have a really awkward couple of weeks if you and i don't become friends so no work today. We're playing 20 questions."

That night, Y/n learned a lot about Wheezie Cameron that she never thought she'd learned. Wheezie hated the color purple, she just painted her room that color because Sarah liked that color. Wheezie loved to paint and to draw, it was her favorite activity, she just rarely showed it bevause she hadn't believed in herself. Though, when she showed Y/n the canvas' that were shoved at the back of the closet, Y/n marveled at them. But Y/n's favorite fact, and the same one that almost made her hug Wheezie on the spot, was that she was never taught to swim and Y/n made her a promise that she would teach her.

As the weeks went by, Wheezie waiting anticipatingly for Y/n's beaten down, green ford bronco to pull up on the driveway and she'd leave the house with a giant smile on her face. It’d be early in the morning, a little less than an hour until school started, just like how Wheezie liked. She'd jump in the driver seat, embracing the smell of vanilla from the scented item hanging from the rear view mirror. She’d toss her bag to the back as Y/n would ruffle her hair, just like she had every morning. "And beloved was set in... late 1856!" Wheezie answered excitedly as Y/n drove down the final street towards her school after the two had gotten breakfast together.

"Perfect! You're gonna do so good on your test, Wheeze, I promise." Y/n told her ecstatically as she pulled into a parking space. Just before Wheezie could get out, Y/n held her upper arm just to gain her attention before she got out. "Tell Rose she doesn't have to get you after school. I'll leave school early and you and I are having a girls day. No studying, just me, you and a shit ton of sweets."

Wheezie smiled, she could feel the muscles in her jaw begin to hurt from how wide she had. She tilted her head to the side out of curiosity, eyeing the look of excitement on Y/n's face. "But why?"

Y/n shrugged, adjusting in her seat and fixing her rear view mirror. "Cause, you deserve it. I'm so proud of you, Little W." She told her, looking back towards the girl and seeing her smile slightly drop. "You okay?"

Wheezie couldn't remember a time where she was genuinely told that. Yeah, sure, Ward said it a few times but it'd be in a lousy tone before he'd wave her off, saying he was busy with whatever office work he had to attend to. Sarah may have said it a few times but it was rushed before she'd run after her friends with a quick goodbye to Wheeze, leaving her alone in the sand. It was never sincere. Not in the way Y/n had said it.

She rubbed her hands against her jean clad thighs with a sharp breath before nodding. “Yeah. I've just never really been told that before. Like—Like genuinely." She said, lowly, in hopes Y/n would understand and wouldn't push it.

Y/n had known Wheezie long enough to know her tells and avoiding eye contact was one of the biggest ones. So she didn't indulge further in the conversation, brushing it under the rug but knowing she'd have to go diving back in for that little tidbit later on. Instead she wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into a tight hug from over the console. "I'll tell you i'm proud of you everyday if i have to." Y/n muttered before kissing the top of her head. "Now go, if you're late to first period, your dad will kill me." And Wheezie was able to leave the car with a smile on her face, already looking forward to the day planned later on.

Y/n was overall consistent, it was one thing Wheezie enjoyed knowing that when she made promises she tried to keep them as best as she could. Sometimes things slipped her mind but Wheezie could recognize that Y/n didn't forget a thing when it came to Wheezie. Like she made sure to engrave bits and pieces of her into her mind like a data chart. But it showed she cared and that was enough for Wheezie.

Y/n cared enough that when she entered her car after school, the smell of her favorite cinnabon's filled the car that made her look in the backseat, seeing a picnic basket. There wasn't a chance, right? You could only get them on the mainland. She turned her body swiftly towards the elder girl who sat with a smirk on her face. "You didn't?"

"I did. Second I left fourth period, got on a ferry just for you to have those overly sweet treats." Y/n said, tapping her nose with a 'boop'! "And I almost got stuck on the mainland because of it so you better enjoy the hell out of them."

"I will, I promise." Wheezie said dramatically as Y/n smiled, pulling out of the parking space to head down to the beach. Wheezie had said she didn't have a bathing suit, not prepared for the outing, though Y/n already said she had ransacked her room for clothes for after. Y/n was the only person allowed in Wheezie Cameron's room without Wheezie being there and the elder girl took pride in it.

As Y/n set up their small area for the few hours, she noticed Wheezie standing just where the water and the sand met. She kicked around the water with clear disinterest causing Y/n to huff, hands on her hips, before tossing off her hoodie to get in. The splash she'd made by pushing herself into the water made Wheezie jump, a laugh falling from the two's lips. "Come on." Y/n said, standing and holding her hands out to Wheezie.

"Y/n/n, I can't swim."

"Y/n/n I can't swim, well, obvi, i know that, little W. But, you have your amazing best friend to keep you afloat. I won't let you go, i swear." Y/n said, holding up her pinky.

"Swear?"

"On my life." She reassured with a trusting smile before Wheezie walked further in. When the water had gotten to her above her waist, it'd freaked her out a bit though Y/n talked her through it, coaxing her further in slowly. Wheezie was kept above the water as Y/n held her hands as the buoyancy was used to their advantage. "See, not as bad as you thought?"

Wheezie shook her head though still nervous. "Not as bad, not my thing though."

"Why don't we try actually swimming? I won't force you if you don't want to and we can get back to shore right now but maybe just try?" She asked as Wheezie had to think about it for a moment. She almost felt guilty, remembing just a few months ago when Sarah had asked her if she could teach her but she refused. Though maybe, just maybe, it was because of Y/n being a bit more trust worthy that Wheezie said yes this time.

It took a while, Wheezie was frightened by letting go even as Y/n would say she was okay. Wheezie would tighten her grip on her shoulders before trying again and again until she eventually got it. She finally was able to keep herself above the water without flailing, recognizing that she was okay. Y/n cheered as she watched, not caring for the stares of others around them. "See, dude? You just have to start applying yourself! You did it!"

"I did it!" Wheezie said as Y/n hugged her, the two laughing before Wheezie screamed making Y/n's laughter die fast. "Something touched me!"

"Wheeze, it was seaweed." Y/n said softly before turning and letting her place her hands on her shoulders. "Yeah let's get you out of here before a jellyfish gets you."

Wheezie widened her eyes. "Jellyfish?"

As the sun had began to set and people had packed up their things and left, Y/n and Wheezie stayed. Wheezie was on her fourth doughy treat, even though Y/n told her to slow down two treats ago. Towels were wrapped around each of their shoulders as they watched the pretty colors fade in to one another, a mixture of pink, blue and orange array of colors combining to make a cotton candy sky. Wheezie watched as Y/n got up, accepting a phone call from Ward, the only phone call she hadn't silenced since they'd left the car.

In the time she'd left, Wheezie took advantage of it to recognize how appreciative she was of all that Y/n was doing for her. She came in as a tutor and, to Wheezie, was to stay as a friend. As family. Wheezie was more then ecstatic to have someone who would be there to rant and rave about the other Cameron's, someone she could trust with her secrets and the contents of her always running brain. Someone who was just there.

"Hey, your father would like us back in thirty so we should leave in ten." She said coming back and sitting beside Wheezie as she caught sight of her face, the lack of the smile that was there previously concerning her. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing, really. Just... I really enjoyed today, Y/n. It really lets me know you're not just here for like... like the money or something."

Y/n let out a scoff. "Are you kidding? I enjoy nothing more than watching you freak out over the existence of jellyfish." She joked as Wheezie pushed her to the side with a laugh. Y/n recovered, letting out a content sigh as she tossed an arm over Wheezie's shoulders. "You're stuck with me now, Wheezes. Can't wait to record you falling at your next soccer game."

Wheezie couldn't help the laugh that slipped past her lips, leaning into Y/n's embrace as her head rested against her clavicle. "And I'll be looking for you in the stands, Y/n/n."

Y/n and Wheezie had both found out something about the other that night. Wheezie found that she didn't want to be like Sarah and she was glad she wasn't like Rafe. She was content with her own little circle on the dart board but maybe she could take a bit after her newest role model. And Y/n found that she was able to instill several things into the youngers mind including To Kill a Mockingbird, Inca Civilizations, and that she now had a true and present big sister to look up to.

[kentos-filmcamera]

10 times, 1 occasion - Inumaki Toge

2. Gift

A/N: aaaaa i woke up to a lot of notifs, i’m so glad everyone is liking it so far! thank u sm for reading! just a quick clarification, I’m setting the reader as non binary; i will be using mostly they/them pronouns and sometimes she/her but i will avoid to do so. happy reading!

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

“Megumi!” You called, waving to the underclass man. He offered you a tiny smile and a wave back. You let go of Toge’s hand to pull him into an embrace. “You’re taller! How much you’ve grown, my boy!” You’ve known him since forever, way before you met your fellow second years. And you always loved to pester him. 

“I’m the same exact way since you last saw me” He deadpanned as you pinched his cheeks, his voice as plain as you remembered it to be. You only laughed and ruffled his hair, earning a groan. 

“Where’s my hug?” You heard the voice of Gojo Satoru resonate through your ears for the first time in a while, and the most annoying phrase in existence was what he chose to say. 

You turned to look at him, unimpressed, your expression matching Fushiguro’s. You were met with his usual cheeky smile and raised brows. He extended his arms and did ‘grabby’ hands as children did. Oh my. This man was annoying; and to think you even considered you missed him in the first place. 

“Up your ass” You replied and moved his arms away from nearing your torso. He gasped dramatically and pouted like a wounded puppy. You only gave him a pat in his shoulder “Glad to see you’re...  Well, alive” 

“Don’t speak to Gojo-sensei like that!” You heard a foreign voice, the same one you heard from a far moments ago. You turn to look at the boy with the pink hair with a raised eyebrow. Something in your head clicked, as did your tongue. You pointed at him. 

“Sukuna’s vessel” You said. Even up in the mountains the hottest gossip was the kid that ate one of Sukuna’s fingers and actually withstanded to house the spirit inside him. It was the talk at the dinner table for weeks. Your sister was specifically interested in it one night, making her spill hot soup all over your lap when she was in charge of serving everyone that night. 

“Itadori Yuuji” He corrected. You stared at him up and down and gave a tiny smile and a nod. 

“And this is Nobara Kugisaki” Panda indicated to you, as you turned to face the ginger that looked at you with gleaming eyes. You waved shortly before introducing yourself to both. 

One of their faces lit up “You got attacked by a special cursed spirit last year right?” The boy you recognized as Itadori spoke. Your face blanked and drained of any color as you tensed. The only remedy you found was to nod, your jaw clenched shut as Inumaki reached in to rub his hand through your shoulders. It relaxed you, but you didn’t remember him being this touchy before. 

“Idiot! You don’t remind other people of their trauma!” Kugisaki hit him in the back of the head, noticing how your attitude shifted in seconds. 

“But! It was awesome! You were the first first year ever to expand a complete domain!” Itadori protested, but he slumped realizing how far you were. Your eyes looked as if they were in another galaxy, your mind taking them far as you spaced out. You hated doing it, but it came rather involuntarily when you were avoiding getting hurt. “You’re so skilled” 

“It wasn’t awesome. I—“ You sighed, and accepted the compliment, your mind returning back to the scene. “Thank you. I’ve been training since I saw my first curse” You gave a light thankful bow to him before turning to Toge “Walk me to my room?” 

“Sake” He nodded, and led you ahead. Panda passed onto you the duffle bag and gave Inumaki the remaining handbag as you two walked in silence towards the second year building. 

Your room was exactly as you left it, except for the made up bed. You remembered that morning clearly; you had always been an organized person, but when Maki pulled you out of your bed for what would be your last mission for a while, you didn’t have the time to fix it before leaving. As you looked around, you heard the sound of bags hitting the floor and the generic sound of typing on an electronic keyboard. Then your phone vibrated shortly on the pocket of your jacket. Taking it out, you read the new message. 

[ Inumaki Toge: i laid the bed after you left. i knew you wouldn’t like to find it all messy after all this time ] 

“Thank you” You spoke as a response. You stood in place, arms crossed and thought. Inumaki chuckled at your tongue poking out from the corner of your lips. “You’re right. I wouldn’t have liked to find the bed unmade after months” You smiled briefly at the warmth spreading through your chest, opened the windows and looked at your space. 

On the bed, your new uniform was laid down, awaiting your return. You asked for both the option of wearing pants and a skirt, depending on the type of mission, you settled with what seemed more comfortable. Your closet was empty, as you didn’t know for how much you were going to be away, except for a few pieces you stole from Maki’s closet. Everything Toge gave you, you took with you, and you wouldn’t take things from Yuta without his permission. You looked at the picture on your nightstand of the five of you, taken by Gojo as you exited a training session. You laughed with Panda as Maki, seemingly angry elbowed you in the ribs, Inumaki and Yuta enjoyed the moment quietly, both smiling. Fitted on the inside edge of that picture frame was a strip of pictures you took at a carnival, in a picture booth with Inumaki before exorcising a curse haunting the house of mirrors. One of the most difficult, terrifying missions you could have ever taken, in your first year nevertheless. But getting some Italian food sponsored by Gojo’s wallet at 2 AM on a Saturday was a great way to end the night. 

“Heh, look, you had spiky hair” You mentioned, taking the picture strip out of the frame and handing it over to the boy, who passed you another picture from your board by your desk in exchange. It was a selfie Gojo took with you and Maki, as he found you both sneaking in after getting piercings and tempura in Shibuya, taking Ijichi as hostage to drive you there. Remembering the event, you flipped down your septum, and checked for your five lobe piercings and your helix. Due to your family’s cursed technique, piercings were more than cliche, but on the ear, not on the nose. You opted for a septum for whenever you had to hide it. Your phone vibrated again. 

[ Inumaki Toge: i always liked that piercing on u. u look very cool ]

[ Inumaki Toge: you’ve always looked cool :)) ] 

“You flatter me too much, Toge, thank you” You turned away to hide the blush on your cheeks. Soon, you received a tap on your shoulder. You faced a flustered Inumaki with a dianty box in his hands. “Uh, you shouldn’t have, I—“ You were perplexed, trying to find the reason why he would give you a present. 

“Bonito Flakes” He insisted, shoving the gift into your hands and pointing to the door with his head. He wanted to give you some space, to read the letter and to change back into your uniform. 

“I’ll be quick, I promise” You gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek before he rushed to leave the room. 

You prioritized changing into your uniform, deciding for the navy high rise wide pants with slits on their outer sides going from your mid-upper thigh to the bottom of the piece, made for better movement in battle. You buttoned up and tucked the navy jujutsu high jacket, of which you wore a shorter version, with a classic white collar from your button up peeking out from underneath. You scouted your bag for the tiny chain you hung from the eyelet of the collar, it was a family heirloom, a protection chain; if anyone touched it in battle, your cursed technique of choice would come into effect. Besides, it made you look more classy. 

You fixed the puffy long sleeves, the form and the material more breathable, flexible and comfortable for you. You reached out to your closet and fitted the white patent ankle boots, almost tripping while doing so. 

“I’m okay!” You shouted back, responding to a soft knock on the door. They were similar to Inumaki’s own shoes, but more stylish. In general, you were more stylish than him; or anyone else in both campuses. You finally fitted your black arm band, which had strapped in a box of needles, a rather thin rope and some thread. 

You sat in your bed and took the box between your hands, circling around your fingertips. You removed the decorative bow and cut through the sealing tape with your fingernails. In between the folds of tissue paper, you found a golden ring. Your lost ring. It looked different, but you could recognize that oval shaped emerald anywhere. You touched it several times to check if it was real or not. And it was. You rushed to find an explanation to this, prying the letter open with your fingernails. 

“Hi,

As I’m writing this, I’m not sure when you’re coming back. Or if you’re even doing so. Writing this letter gives me hope for your return, as so did getting you this welcome back gift. It’s the ring you took so much pride in owning. Oh, well, part of it. I remember how you got rushed to the infirmary, wailing, touching your damaged hand to see if you had your ring.  But you didn’t. I went back to the scene myself that same day, and the next, and the one after the other to find your missing jewel. When I found it, it looked terrible. It was dirty, bent, and the emerald had a crack in one of its corners. It took me some work, but I found someone that could restore it. It’s the original stone, and the original material but it had to be reshaped. I know you like signets, so I hope you can find appreciation in this one too. 

You looked once more at the piece and let out a teary chuckle. You had suffered so much the loss of that ring. It was a present from your grandmother, now deceased. You hated yourself incessantly for losing it. But now, it was back in your grip. You slipped it into your ring finger and before continuing your lecture, you fanned your under eyes to avoid ruining the hint of makeup you currently wore. 

If you’re reading this, I am so glad you’re back. I missed you, so so much. I’m glad to see you in good health. And I’m sorry everything happened the way it did. You didn’t do anything wrong. I know how you feel. Please trust me. Thank you once more for allowing me to speak to you through written words. You’re the only one I want to write to, anyways. I don’t have the patience for anyone else. Welcome back, cookie. 

I love you. 

Yours, Toge” 

[mlm-mod-taka]

Hello again! May I request Shuichi and Hajime with a trans, gn reader who comes home after a long day of being closeted, and wants affirmation cuddles?

-💧Anon

CLOSETED READER • hajime, shuichi x gn trans reader

yes, my dear 💧 anon! im not closeted anymore, but i was for a good 5 years. i only recently came out a few months ago, so i still remember the feeling of fear from being in the closet. i hope this is up to your standards!

tws/cws: misgendering & deadnaming.

|| -> mod taka <3

he doesn't really understand why you don't just come out, but will still respect your choice. would never force you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

everytime you come home, he can tell that you're exhausted of dealing with being misgendered and deadnamed. he asks if you're okay, with a small hug.

it annoys him that he can't correct people whenever others call you the wrong things, but they're not aware of it, so he guesses that he can't say anything about it.

the most he can do for you without outright telling the others about your identity, is comforting you by confirming your pronouns and gender.

he'll call you gender neutral adjectives and hands you clothes that are androgynous, and anyone could look good in.

he'll hug you from the back, letting you vent out your feelings, or just cuddle up to him for comfort. he'll join in on your coping mechanisms, as long as its healthy for both of you.

hajime will do anything that he knows would make you feel happy in anyway. buying you your favorite food, cuddling together on the bed while you ate, with the airconditioning at the max.

he doesn't know what you're going through personally, but he'll try his best to make you feel better through the answers he got while googling "how to comfort your trans partner".

tries to encourage you to tell the others, but he would never push it too hard. it hurts to see you so sad over something that you can't control, and he doesn't want you to go through something like that.

hajime doesn't want you to have a breakdown because of this, so he lets you cry and scream your heart out. its better to get everything out before it gets all bottled up, hes heard of terrible things that people do when they can't take it anymore, and he never wants you to do those things.

he's really trying, and you can tell that he hates others using the names and pronouns youre uncomfortable with. the day that you do come out, is the day that he'll be so happy and relieved for you.

is honestly so much sadder than you are, somehow. it makes his heart cry whenever his close friends call you the wrong things, and he can't say anything about it, since he doesn't want to force you out of the closet.

everytime he has to purposefully misgender you so the others wont get suspicious, he feels so guilty, so he can't even imagine what you're feeling as the person who was being called all of these things that make you uncomfortable.

the moment you two get home, he practically drags you both to the bed for a cuddle session. yes, he wanted comfort for purposefully needing to misgender his partner, but you needed it much more than he did.

completely wraps himself around you, as he said sorry for referring to you with your old names and pronouns. you say its okay, hugging tightly onto him as well.

he doesn't necessarily encourage you to vent, but when you do, he agrees with whatever you say. he just wants to be there to support you, not to invalidate your feelings.

he pets your hair while you talk about every time someone misgendered you, and how mad/sad you were because of it. shuichi nods in acknowledgement as he hears you out.

gives you a peck on the cheek everytime you get a little too angry or loud, to calm you down and remind you they you're safe with him.

he also does this when you start to cry, cupping you cheeks then giving you a kiss on your nose, as his thumb gently grazes back and forth over your skin.

gives you as much physical affection as youre comfortable with, reassuring you that hes always there for you whenever you have a particularly bad day.

feels terrible that people who are cruel make you scared to be who you truly are, and are indirectly hurting so many people with their ideology. will always defend people who are being insulted because of things like these, because those people are like you. he wants you to feel protected and safe.

when you come out, he's so happy that you found the courage to ignore all the ignorant people. he'll always be there to cover for you whenever you do encounter people. since hes the ultimate detective, he'll always win against them.

[reidingandwriting]

Chapter One- “Nightmare”

“Someone like me can be a real nightmare, completely aware” -Halsey

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: (Suprisingly) none!

Characters Mentioned: Neutral!Reader, Erin Strauss, Aaron Hotchner, Penelope Garcia, Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan & David Rossi (briefly mentioned)

A/N: The first chapter!! I am super excited to see everyone’s reaction to this one. It’s the tamest chapter we’ll have, and we’ll dive into the backstory and ~murders~ as the story progresses. This was super fun to write and I hope y’all enjoy!! Also, I know the characters would likely NOT treat a member of their team like this, but it’s for the plot. And as always, please reblog/reply/send asks with feedback and please correct me if there are any gendered pronouns for reader! Happy reading :)

Prologue 

Next chapter

“You’re fired, Y/N Y/L/N.” Your former Section Chief, Erin Strauss, said from where she sat on her side of her desk. “Please turn in your credentials and your gun, and promptly collect your things from your desk.” You unclipped your ID from your blazer, took the gun holster off your belt, and slid the badge out of your pocket before setting the items on her desk. “I’m truly sorry things worked out like this, you were a promising asset for the BAU. I wish you nothing but success in your future endeavors.”

“Thank you, ma’am.” You nodded briefly at Strauss and stood up, ignoring the burning in your eyes. You turned and took a deep breath before leaving her office. You walked to the elevator and pressed the number six for the last time- the floor for the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI. The team in which you were a member of for the last year. God, you remembered your first day at the BAU. You were an agent out of the Sex Crimes division, and you had been apart of the team for five years the day you met Erin Strauss.

“You wanted to see me, sir?” You asked as you stepped into your boss’s office. You faltered when you saw a woman standing with her back turned to the door.

“Yes, shut the door behind you, Y/L/N.” You shut the door and he motioned for you to sit.

“Is everything okay?” You were wary as you sat down, the unknown blonde woman still not having turned around.

“Everything is fine, Agent Y/L/N.” The woman spoke as she turned around. Erin Strauss. She held her hand out and you stood up, shaking her hand firmly.

“Nice to see you again, ma’am.”

“Likewise. Take a seat and we can get started.”

That day, you were offered an opportunity to transfer into a new department- the BAU. Strauss told you that you had forty-eight hours to make your decision, but you had made your decision almost immediately. The Behavioral Analysis Unit was the division of the FBI you had wanted to work in since you were in the Academy, and you were thrilled you had an opportunity to join. You loved your team in the Sex Crimes division, but you’d be stupid to pass up a chance to work with the BAU. You’d been hoping for an opening for the last two years since you went to a seminar that the team members held. This is what you were meant to do, you knew it.

Your first day at the BAU was nothing like you imagined. Watching how the team interacted with each other before and after the seminar, you could practically feel the fondness they had for each other. The two eldest members, Agents Hotchner and Rossi, were like the “parents” of the team, while the other agents all bickered and acted like siblings. Your team worked well together, but nothing like you witnessed that day. And you hoped that you too would one day be apart of the familial relationship the agents showed two years ago. But your entrance to the unit wasn’t exactly accepted with open arms. In fact, besides Erin Strauss, no one seemed to want you there. The bubbly personality you witnessed from tech analyst Penelope Garcia was nowhere to be found, the teasing quips between the members turned to hushed whispers and surprisingly blatant, watching eyes. Hotch was even more open with his judgmental watching, while Rossi was the only semi-subtle profiler in the bunch. They all, for the most part, showed professional courtesy with you. But outside of work, you may as well have been just another person on the streets to them. At first you thought it was because you were new. Of course they’d be skeptical of someone new joining out of the blue.

“I’ll give it a week.” You had said to yourself. “Maybe then they’ll warm up to me.” Then one week turned to two, which then turned to a month, and up until your last day, you never felt like a valued member of the team. Hell, you felt like you were never even a part of the unit. You loved your job as a profiler, but you longed for your days back at the Sex Crimes unit. At least there you felt appreciated.

A beep interrupted your thoughts and the elevator doors opened, and you lifted your head as you stepped out of the elevator. You could feel the gazes of your former colleagues burning into you, which you ignored as you walked to your desk. Even breaths, relax your posture, don’t let them get a read on you. You grabbed your go-bag you kept stored under your desk, set it in your chair, and began to clear your desk. You heard a few whispers and fought the urge to say something.

“You’re really leaving?” You could feel him standing behind you before he spoke. Doctor Spencer Reid. Where do you begin with him? Spencer was the youngest member of the BAU and arguably one of the smartest when it came to the books with his three PhD’s, his ability to read twenty thousand words per minute, and his eidetic memory. Social cues were a little hit-or-miss when it came to the young doctor, but he was a great profiler.

“Yep.” Your answer was short, but that’s all you felt you could say without cracking. You had been at your dream job for a year, and now you were fired. If Hotch had anything to do with it, you’d never work for the FBI again. You’d have to go back to your job from college, cleaning houses until you could find a more permanent job. Maybe you could use your master’s degree to pick up teaching. An awkward silence filled the air until Derek spoke.

“Are you going back to your old unit?”

“Nope.” You turned to Derek. “Excuse me. I need a box.” You brushed past him, keeping your eyes straight ahead of you as you walked away and towards the storage room. A door was opened for you and your eyes met the brown ones of Penelope Garcia. “Thank you, Penelope.”

“Where are you going?” Penelope asked as she followed you. Penelope was the one person on the team to eventually warm up to you, even if it was limited to light conversation and basic civility.

“I was fired, Garcia. I’m getting another box to finish packing. Then it’s back to D.C.” She gasped and you let out an “oof” when she wrapped you in a hug. After a few seconds, you wrapped your arms around her and felt your eyes sting with unshed tears.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, my love. I’ll miss you so much.” A tear slid down your cheek and you hugged her tighter.

“I’ll miss you too, Pen.” Your voice wavered. You cleared your throat and pulled away, wiping under your eyes. “Sorry. I really need to get that box.”

“Oh, yeah, of course.” You started to walk off and Garcia called your name.

“Good luck. In whatever you do next. Not that it counts for anything, but I think you were a great fit for the team.” You offered Penelope a smile before you went to the storage closet. You walked in and shut the door and tried to pull yourself together. God, you’re so weak, Y/N, pull yourself together. You took a few deep breaths and grabbed an empty cardboard box before you left the closet. When you walked back to your desk, you noticed a little knickknack that was undeniably from Penelope’s “bat cave” and you couldn’t help but smile as you finished packing your things.

-

“Y/L/N.” You looked up when you heard Aaron Hotchner’s voice from where he stood from the door of his office. “My office.” You nodded and walked up the stairs towards Hotch’s office, and you shut the door as you walked in.

“Can we make this quick? I need to leave, and D.C. traffic will be terrible soon.”

“It will be. Take a seat.”

“I’d rather not.” Hotch gave you a pointed look and you sighed, but took a seat anyways. “Do we really have to draw this out even more? It’s humiliating enough with all the pitiful glances and whispers I’m getting.”

“I’m sorry things played out the way they did. You could’ve been an amazing profiler, Y/L/N, and a valued member of this team.”

“I guess Strauss made a mistake when she brought me on. Maybe I’m not meant for this job after all.” Neither of you said a word for a minute before you cleared your throat. “I should be headed out.”

“Sorry for holding you up. And I’m sorry again for everything, Y/N.” You nodded at Hotch, stood up, and left his office. You walked to your desk, grabbed your go-bag and box, and walked to the elevator. You allowed yourself to look around the bullpen one last time, your eyes taking in your co-workers as you stepped into the elevator. You pressed the first floor button and the doors closed for your last time as an FBI agent. As you walked out of the FBI Headquarters building, you felt a strong wave of emotions hit you all at once. Sadness turned into frustration, which turned to pure anger, which led to a lightbulb going off in your head. If you couldn’t be a good agent for the BAU, you were going to become their worst nightmare.

Taglist: @spideyspeaches @ssa-sugar-tits @willowsbendtothewind-blog @lazy-bird-fanfics @spencerhotchner @lolychu @ajeff855 @averyhotchner 🤍 Taglist and requests are OPEN, send an ask/message/whatever makes you comfortable to be added or send a request :))

[writingwithcolor]

B’nei mitzvah in spaceship without Jewish community | Jewish character celebrating Christmas

Hi! Thank you so much for running this blog. I appreciate how much time and effort all the mods have put into it. I finished reading through the whole Jewish tag a few days ago, and I’ve learned so much! I’m writing a Voltron fic (I *know* lol) and decided to make one of the protagonists a white nonbinary Ashkenazi Reform Jewish girl. Her astronaut brother mysteriously disappears in space and is presumed dead, so she runs away from home a couple of months before her b'nei mitzvah to find him. Now, she’s in a group of rebels in space fighting against an Empire. I have two concerns:

1. Everyone on the ship misses home, so part of the way they cope is through getting in touch with their cultures. They’re gonna celebrate (a mostly non-Americanized) Christmas because it matters a lot to some of the characters for non-religious reasons. To what extent can my Jewish character participate in the celebration without it being weird? I want her to enjoy herself more because she’s with her friends than because Jesus etc. They’ll also celebrate Chanukah, if that helps. I know Chanukah isn’t a major holiday, so I also want to have her celebrate a more significant one like Rosh Hashanah and/or Purim with them. Is it okay for gentiles to participate in those holiday celebrations, or should she do that alone?

2. Throughout most of the story, she’ll struggle with choosing whether to prioritize fighting the Empire or finding her brother and bringing him home. When she eventually does find her brother (who also turns out to be a rebel), he lets her decide whether they stay or go home. I thought it would be nice if she decided to stay and keep fighting for the greater good after she finally has her b'nei mitzvah. Her friends and other experiences are also a big part of why she decides to stay, but the b'nei mitzvah would be what gives her the final push she needs to decide. I don’t know if it would be okay for me to write the ceremony itself or if she can even have one if only two of the eight people on the ship are Jewish. I read that not everyone has a b'nei mitzvah and that it’s not required, but I feel like it’d be a big deal to her character. Should I keep the b'nei mitzvah idea, or am I heading towards appropriative territory here?

I want to make her Jewishness a big part of her character’s growth, and I really want to make sure I do it respectfully and accurately. I plan on finding a sensitivity reader when I’ve made more progress with actually writing everything out. Thank you for any insight you might offer!

It feels off to me to join a community symbolically when you’re far away FROM the community. Why not just have had her already have done the ceremony before she has all these adventures? That way it could just be a straightforward story about a Jewish teen having exciting heroic adventures in space, rather than a story about what happens when you have to miss aspects of Jewish life because you’re in space. It would also make the “….well, I guess I’m around for Christmas” bit less weighted because then that would be the only one of those instead of having two of those.

–Shira 

I’ll cover some other territory here. For those who don’t know, b'nei mitzvah is something you just automatically become at the correct age, the ceremony is simply to celebrate that with the community. Not all people have the ceremony, but if you are Jewish, and of age (for religious purposes), your status changes with or without it. Personally, I’m comfortable with showing a Jewish character finding a way to have a Jewish celebration when the circumstances are less than ideal, for me the other aspects of the story are more troubling. 

On the subject of having a Jewish character celebrate Christmas with their friends… look I don’t like this trope. There are many Jewish people, who are completely secular, who don’t celebrate Christmas, because it is explicitly a Christian holiday, and secular Jewish people are still Jewish. Some Jewish people (secular or otherwise) do choose to celebrate other holidays, and I am very comfortable with those folks telling their own stories. What I’m not happy with is the push from outside of the community for every Jewish character to slide into assimilation. 

Some Jewish people will go to Christmas parties and not eat the food, because they keep kosher, or won’t stay for a tree-lighting, because that feels like it goes too far, or will give presents but not receive them. There are a huge number of ways we might handle Christmas, and I appreciate that you plan to show holidays other than just Chanukah (and yes, it’s fine for non-Jewish characters to join her in her holidays, if she invites them), but I always question why a non-Jewish writer is so keen to show Jewish characters celebrating Christmas. The most generous version of me wants to assume that you get so much out of Christmas that you want to share it, but the part of me that knows about the pressures to assimilate, and the history of increased antisemitic violence around Christmas thinks… just leave this kid alone. She missed her celebration, she’s far from her community, and now she has to go put on a Happy Assimilated Smile for the culturally Christian folks around her. From a nonbinary Jewish perspective, it’s a little unusual for your nonbinary character to use she/her pronouns, and use b'nei mitzvah as a gender neutral alternative to the gendered bat mitzvah. In secular life, at least in the US, it’s not uncommon for people to use multiple pronouns, but I haven’t met, or even heard of, a single person using gendered pronouns secularly, and using new neutral alternatives religiously. It absolutely could happen but, because it is so unusual, to me it reads as either invalidating the character’s gender, or tokenizing her in the religious sphere. 

–Dierdra 

Shira, I think that’s a really good idea to make the character post-b'nei mitzvah. That way you just have a Jewish character having adventures rather than her culture being The Conflict. (And also, a pre-b'nei mitzvah seems a bit young for this storyline? Can she really consent to fighting alongside the rebels? Do they habitually take unaccompanied children on their ship? To me a teenager would make more sense, but hey it’s not my story!)

Dierdra, your answer regarding the Christmas aspect was awesome and really thorough. Thanks for your thoughts on the pronouns as well, it also jarred with me but I was waiting to hear your opinion as you have lived experience. My worry is if you use gender neutral terms for one but not the other, you risk falling into to the stereotype that only marginalised religious folks have to change our language etc to be inclusive to LGBTQ+ people, but everyone else is fine. 

I wanted to come back to the point about Rosh Hashana. First of all, thank you for acknowledging that we have holidays that are more important than Chanukah! Sooo many OP’s don’t know that. In terms of how she would celebrate it, I agree it’s fine to invite non-Jewish people along. However, given how community-based Jewish life is, making her keep Yom Tov on her own feels a bit like a torture story, especially when others have people to celebrate Christmas with. I wonder if you’ve thought about giving her a Jewish friend on the ship? Especially if you want her Jewishness to be part of her growth as you mentioned, an older Jewish friend and mentor could be a huge help :)

–Shoshi

As you can see, we have a wide range of possibilities for “what happens when you ask a Jewish person about celebrating Christmas.” I didn’t mind hanging around it as an outsider myself until a certain subset of Christians started being mean-spirited about it in the news plus some personal trauma that time of year, as long as everyone involved was clear that I was just participating from the outside and this didn’t somehow change me. (If I may make an analogy: compare it to going to a baby shower when you want to support your friend or family member but also really don’t want kids of your own. You’re going to have a whole different experience if your decision is respected vs. if all the other guests treat you like you being there means you’ll change your mind about not wanting kids.)

That being said, it’s still all over the map. Some people IRL are okay even going to mass with their partner’s Catholic family (without participating in communion obvs.) Some would never, ever do that and are sitting here with shocked faces that I even typed that. But what becomes important is the way it’s written. Sitting around listening to the Christmas story is probably a bad fit for your fanfic, but helping other people bake Christmas cookies or put ornaments on a tree could work. The ornament thing could remind her of decorating a sukkah, and she could point that out to the others. 

I guess I’m saying is 

keep her participation secular, and 

keep her participation from leaning into the idea that we’re unhappy with our customs and would prefer to do it their way. 

I have literally never in my life felt jealous of the kids who “got to do Santa” (for example) and while I’m sure some kids were and they’re valid too, I think it’s important to show that it’s not a universal phenomenon.

–Shira

[chickwiththepurpleguitar]

congrats on 500!!!! for the celebration could i request flarrie & fake dating? thanks! 💕

Thanks for the prompt (and congrats on the new url)! Sorry this took so long, but hey I got it posted just under the wire for lesbian visibility day so I count that as a win :D

This is my first flarrie fic, my first fic with Flynn or Carrie, and somehow my first fake dating fic, despite the fact that I LOVE fake dating?? So really it was a necessary challenge all around. Also it’s more set up than actual fake dating sorry it got away from me. Maybe I’ll write a follow-up sometime.

Read on ao3 here:

--

“God, this is stupid.”

“It was your idea.”

“So? Nobody’s perfect, Flynnigan. Even I’m allowed to have a stupid idea every once in a while.”

It’s far from Carrie’s best comeback, but give her a break, it’s been a weird couple of weeks. After Julie played the Orpheum, Carrie started to feel like everything she thought she knew was actually a lie. She felt twisted, topsy-turvy, like the very world she lived in had been tilted on its axis. Suddenly, being a famously successful musician didn’t seem to matter so much anymore. Working herself and her group to the bone to someday escape her dad’s shadow didn’t seem to matter anymore. 

Keeping up a years-long feud with Julie and Flynn that she didn’t even remember the origins of anymore definitely didn’t seem to matter anymore.

And then, well. People at school—people Carrie thought were her friends—started being total jerks to her, just because Julie and the Phantoms was quickly becoming more successful than Dirty Candi, and because Carrie’s dad had some kind of nervous breakdown in the middle of a Panic at the Disco concert (he’s fine now, she thinks, but it made all the tabloids), and because Nick broke up with her and wouldn’t even look at her now and everybody knew that they weren’t going to get back together this time. 

And you know what? Yeah, maybe Carrie deserved some of that, cause she’s for sure been a jerk to all those people first. But that didn’t stop her from getting angry and snapping back at all the people making fun of her for getting dumped by Nick Danforth-Evans of all people. And it didn’t stop her from acting on instinct, desperate as always for the right kind of attention, and announcing to the entire cafeteria that actually she broke up with Nick and anyway, she’s dating someone else now.

And then news traveled fast and Carrie dug herself into a pit of generic details and gender-neutral pronouns, and now she’s standing outside her house, about to attend a standard PR meeting with her dad and his lawyers (the same meeting she brought Nick to a year ago, and six months ago, and two and a half months ago—basically every time they broke up and got back together).

It’s the Wilson Family Significant Other NDA Signing Meeting. And she’s going to one with Flynn.

“Did you want to, uh… go over the plan or whatever?” Flynn asks from their spot on the exact opposite end of Carrie’s front porch. She looks as confident as ever, if a little hesitant to look Carrie in the eye.

Carrie shoots her a patented glare, tries to ignore the floaty feeling in her stomach that might be guilt for getting someone else wrapped up in her bullshit and might be something else entirely that Carrie would really prefer not to think too hard about right now. “The plan,” she snaps, “is we go in there, you act like you’re in love with me, you sign a couple documents, you let me do all of the talking, and then you get your fifty bucks. Capiche?”

“Fifty bucks and you leave Julie and her band alone,” Flynn corrects, glaring right back.

Carrie rolls her eyes. “Yes, okay? I’ll leave Julie and her precious holograms to run themselves into obscurity. They hardly need my help. Now, can we just get this over with, please?”

As soon as the words are out, she flinches. The please was too much, it was too earnest, too sincere, Flynn is gonna figure her out, they’re gonna know she didn’t just do this to escape mild high school humiliation— 

But Flynn just scowls, waves a hand toward the front door as if to say, go ahead, and Carrie breathes what she hopes to be an imperceptible sigh of relief.

But then, “Wait,” Flynn says just as Carrie’s reaching for the doorknob.

“Ugh, what?”

Flynn leans against the wall next to the door, arms crossed over her chest, giving Carrie a frankly infuriating smirk. “Before we go in there… I never got to ask. Why me?”

“What?” she says again, hoping her makeup covers the blush she can feel coloring her cheeks.

“Why me?” Flynn repeats. “You wanted to make up an SO to get people off your back about Nick, sure. But you could’ve said anyone. Heck, you could’ve told your dad it was fake and avoided all this lawyer shit. Why waste fifty bucks and an hour of your time pretending to date me?”

Carrie is a born and bred Performer. Carrie is Trevor Wilson’s daughter. Carrie knows better than anyone—probably better than is good for her—how to straighten her spine, paste on a bubbly smile, and sound as convincing as physically possible as she lies, “Well, I couldn’t pick someone I actually liked, or they might fall in love with me.”

Flynn’s confident expression flickers, causing a sickening feeling of reluctant triumph to burn in Carrie’s chest.

“Plus,” she adds, tossing her hair over her shoulder, “it had to be someone at school or people would think I’d made it all up, but I was purposefully vague about the details of my new significant other, including gender identity, and, well… you’re the only person I know who uses they/them pronouns.”

Flynn blinks, startled. “You—I—didn’t realize you… knew that.”

“Of course I knew.” Carrie tries not to be offended. “God, Flynn, I’m not a total heartless bitch. We were friends once.”

“Yeah, but I came out after we stopped being friends.”

“And then you put your new pronouns in all your social media bios. What, did you think I unfollowed you or something?”

Flynn’s frowning at her, their shoulders tense, looking confused and more upset than Carrie thinks the situation warrants. “Honestly, Carrie? I kinda assumed you’d blocked me.”

Carrie sucks in a breath, forces herself to let her guard down just enough to rid her voice of any insincerity or antagonism as she says, “No, of course not. It’s not like it was your fault I was fighting with Julie. It was only right that you took her side.”

She tries not to sound too bitter about it. She’s over all that—mostly, anyway. The look Flynn’s giving her is a little too pitying for Carrie’s liking. She sniffs haughtily and turns away from their scrutinizing gaze. “As for my dad, he’s been going through something lately, and he seemed really happy to see me bouncing back so fast after Nick. So I figured I’d humor him or whatever.”

Flynn’s hand slips into hers, and when Carrie looks at her in surprise, their face is softer than Carrie’s seen it in years. “All right then, Carebear. Let’s do this thing.”  

--

Taglist: @whenweremarried @sunsethimb0s @pink-flame @penguin0613 @fighttoshine @sunsetcurvecuddles @nickalicious @reggiescrookedteeth @brightattheorpheum @queenmolina @jandthephantoms @lexilucacia @sapphossidechick @acnhaddict @cest-la-vie-de-la-lee @sunset-bobby @lenacarstairspotterstewart @moreflowersthanweeds @conversationaltreestump @burntchromas @shellydominique @fiddlepickdouglas 

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for tricking my grandma into misgendering her cat?

Background: my (19F) grandma (67F) is a southern baptist and pretty conservative. My cousin (Matt, 24M) is trans, he came out to his parents and mine about two years ago because he knew we would be supportive, but he waited until he was on T a couple months and was mostly transitioned socially before he officially came out to our less supportive relatives, like my grandma.

Since Matt came out to everyone else (which he did by showing up at family Christmas with a “hello my name is” sticker on, which I thought was hilarious) my grandma has refused to use his correct pronouns, name, or anything, saying “it’s hard to switch” as an excuse. Matt has cut off contact and everyone else in the family just kind of avoids talking about him around her.

I am in a weird situation because my family lives the next street over from where she does, and we have always been pretty close. Since she started being so shitty about Matt, though, I’ve put more distance and just stay polite when she’s over.

Okay so now to the AITA part. About two months ago my grandma wanted to adopt a cat, and my best friend volunteers at an animal shelter so we were helping her. We showed her pictures of some of the cats and she saw an older male who was all black with longer fur and said she wanted to adopt “her.” I started to correct her saying it was a male cat, and then realized the opportunity I had so I kept my mouth shut. I made a point to handle all the adoption stuff for my grandma so she never saw anything indicating the cat’s male-ness, and then brought home her new “female” cat, pink collar and all.

Last week “Miss Kitty” (such a creative name) got a paw injury and at the vet they told my grandma the cat was male. My grandma told me and my parents about it when she was over for the Fourth of July (we had family and friends over for barbecue, including Matt’s parents). I made a point from there on to continue using “she” for the cat and still calling “Miss Kitty” instead of “Mister Kitty.” It took her a minute to notice but finally she called me out and said “he’s a boy, stop saying she.”

I immediately snapped back with “oh so it’s easy for you to switch the name and pronouns of your cat but not your own grandson?” Everyone got quiet and she got all flustered, trying to say it’s different, but I just said “oh okay, so you put more effort into using the right words for a cat who doesn’t even know English, got it.”

My mom told me to stop and leave it alone. I said “I’m just saying, it’s pretty clear who she cares about more.” And then my mom told me to leave the table if I was going to act like that. I just got up and took my plate in the kitchen and finished eating.

After everyone left my mom lit into me and told me that what I said was cruel. I said I was just teaching her a lesson and that maybe now she would think about it different. My mom said that I just made things worse and humiliated her on purpose in front of everyone. My dad had been quiet but then just started laughing. He realized that I had been playing the long game, and it wasn’t a mix up at the shelter- I led my grandma to believe the cat was female. He basically said “that was wrong but also hilarious” and now my mom is mad at both me and my dad. When Matt’s parents told him he thought it was super funny and said he isn’t mad at all.

My mom wants me to apologize, but I am not sorry about what I said. I don’t know if I should feel bad about tricking my grandma, because I didn’t technically outright lie, I just didn’t correct her when she assumed the cat was female. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[elliotmateo]

My Coming Out Letter

People- I finished my coming out letter! This has come after months of struggling and all, and I'm so, so happy that with this letter, I might have a way forward. I'll post it down here, so that you could maybe use parts of it, or just get inspiration from it for your own letters. I've talked to all the trans guys I know (a grand total of two) and now, all I have to do is give my parents the letter. Everything depends on their reactions.

Dear Dad, Querida Mama.

This letter is very difficult for me to write, but I feel that it is important for me to write it. There is something I have been carrying inside of myself for some time now, and I now feel ready to come to you with it.

A few nights ago, you said that you would love me no matter what. That doesn’t mean support me, and I’m aware of that, but this is who I am, and as much as I wish I could, I can’t change that. I am starting this letter on the third of May, 2021, and I hope to give it to you within the next month. It’s something that I expect to come as not so much a shock, but something that will be difficult for you to understand, and that is okay. That is warranted. I don’t expect you to parade around being happy about it, but I can only ask that you try and understand me, and help me, and most of all, venture forward with an open mind, because the truth is that I need you. You are my parents. I love you.

We should start at the beginning. Roughly a year ago, I made a promise to myself. Even then I knew, but I didn’t want to admit it, I wanted to pretend that my problems weren’t there, I was in denial. I have my faults, but I’ve always been someone you could be proud of, someone you love, and as much as I know that that will always remain, I was and am scared that this will somehow change that. Amidst all that confusion and distress, I made myself a promise, that I will keep. I promised that before the 4th of May 2021 (May the fourth be with you and all), I would start this letter, but only if I was 100% sure. I have arrived at that point, where I know who I am and who I want to be, and I also can’t stay like this, because, simply put, I am in pain. This is the part that I try my best to help you understand what it is to go to school, to live every day. That sounds almost comical. I live in Switzerland. I go to an international school. If I am sick, I can get medical care. I am privileged, and I know that this year, a lot of kids like me writing a similar letter to their parents run the risk of being kicked out, being abused, being killed, even. Those are extreme cases, but I am lucky, and I feel privileged that I am able to share this with you and entertain seemingly realistic thoughts of a future ahead of now, so let me explain.

I might as well come right out with it. I am not a girl. In my head, it’s so plainly obvious to me, and I feel like I’ve never thought of myself as a girl. Looking back at my decisions, it seems like a lot was done to make other people happy, instead of myself. I am not blaming you for occasionally trying to make me wear dresses and other feminine garb, for keeping my hair long, etc. You did what you thought you should do, I assume, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’ve never really suffered from (in my memory) more than mild discomfort at my appearance, but that really started to worsen as I grew older, eleven, twelve, and now thirteen, when I started to develop more female characteristics, and that’s when this really snowballed. I felt uncomfortable, but I never knew why. I tried to do more feminine things, to pierce my ears, to braid my hair, thinking that I just wanted to be more like the other girls in my class and that I’d soon grow out of it, but that didn’t happen. It got worse. This is around a year ago, when I knew something was off, and now I’ve arrived at the point where I need to do something. I feel like my own life isn’t mine, like every award and accolade, every friend, every teacher I have, know me as someone that I’m not. I feel like it’s getting worse every day, and I struggle to want to start the day and get to school. The clearest way I can describe it is like I’m in a deep well, and above me there’s a ladder that can pull me out, but I can’t reach it. With this letter, I am trying to grasp that first rung, to be able to pull myself up. I hate my appearance, my body, my voice, my height, everything about me that is moderately feminine, and sometimes, it’s really dumb stuff such as my shadow or my clothes fitting wrong. I feel wrong. As I said, it’s been like this for quite some time now, and every day it gets harder to live with myself while having this massive problem hanging over my head. People call me *deadname*, girl, daughter, sister, even *nickname* now hurts to hear. I know it’s hard to understand, but, even I know that it’s not their fault, that they’re not doing it to hurt me, I genuinely find it hard to respond. I hate it. The black and white of it is that I feel male. I see myself as male, but I don’t look male. I am male. I’m transgender.

I know this may be a bit difficult to understand at first, and it may be very new to you, but it is something I have known for some time. I trust you with this information about who I am, and I would like if in return that you start calling me by my chosen name, which is Asher, and using my pronouns, which are he/him, for example: This is my son Asher. He has an unhealthy obsession with chairs!

I plan to come out at school, and my family. I’ve already spoken to another trans man in year 13 who’s graduating this year. His name is Sebastian*, and he came out around the same age I will, and he’s helped me with who to talk to and what they can do. With your consent, I can change my name and email in the system, and depending on the situation and my comfort level, use the male bathrooms. I’d also like to get a masculine haircut, and I’ll start dressing in a way that I feel comfortable in, i.e in male clothing. This is to help me feel more at home in my body as well as the world, and it’s a feeling I hope that you can understand. Regarding the family part, we can talk about the best way to do that and when.

I’m still your child, with the same likes and dislikes – I’ll just be living more authentically as the true me. And I know that you may have some slip-ups calling me *deadname* or using she/her at first, and that is okay. I would just like to know that you are trying your best to learn, understand, and support me. If you do slip up, you don’t have to make a big deal out of it. Correcting yourself is enough for me to see that you care about and respect who I am.

I know you’ve known me all my life as *deadname*. As your daughter. I know that when I was a baby, you were so happy you were having a baby girl. I haven’t changed. I’m still the same person, and I hope that you can begin to see me as your son.

I love you so very much, and I hope that I can have your support throughout my life.

All my love,

Your Son, Asher

*fake name

[theres-an-impulstor-among-us]

I read your Grian and Zed oneshot and could I pretty please get another one (maybe a sequel, maybe not) with Worm man, Poultry man, and EX? We need the sidekick boi here too ;3

I’m so sorry this is so late! I’ve had a rough couple of days and this one ended up being a lot longer than I expected lol but anyway, here we are! Hope it’s good!

…

  Sitting on top of the billboard in the shopping district are Hermitcraft’s two superheroes, keeping an eye on the goings on. It seems to be a fairly quiet day, however; the last person either of them saw was Scar disappearing into the town hall over an hour ago. But the two are just having fun hanging out up here, so they continue keeping watch over the district, while munching on the half stack of golden carrots Grian brought with him.

  “Soo… which one of us is the sidekick?” asks Grian out of the blue. 

  Zedaph shoots him an amused look. “Why does one of us have to be the sidekick? Can’t we be partners?”

  “I mean, yeah, true. But if one of us HAD to be the sidekick, which one would it be?”

  “Probably you, cuz I’ve been a superhero a season longer than you.”

  Grian pauses. “Honestly, that’s not the answer I was expecting but it does make sense.”

  Zedaph gives a laugh. “Good. Trust me, we don’t need a sidekick. If I was on my own, maybe I’d consider getting another one, but a partner is even better than a sidekick.”

  In the ensuing pause, Zedaph realises what he said. Unfortunately, Grian has also picked up on it. “Another one? What do you mean?”

  “Ah…” Zedaph clears his throat. “Doesn’t matter.”

  “No, I wanna hear this. You had a sidekick?”

  Zedaph searches his brain for either an excuse to not reply or a false explanation that Grian will buy. When he finds neither, he gives a quiet sigh. “Yeah, but it didn’t end well. Or start well. Or go well for that matter.”

  “Oh, jeez.” Grian frowns sympathetically. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “Look, let’s just say I was naive and I thought he was good but he wasn’t. I came out of it looking and feeling very stupid, so I’d rather not have a repeat of that.” After a moment, he gives a smile. “That’s why I’m glad I have a partner who I already know and trust.” 

  “Aww.” Grian nudges him with his elbow. “Do you mean me?”

  Zedaph snickers. “Nope, sorry, I mean Professor Beak. Best partner I’ve ever had.”

  Grian exaggerates a pout and gently strokes the parrot sitting on his shoulder. “Wow.”

  But as he starts to say something else, he spots a familiar figure walking through the shopping district. His face lights up. “Oh, look who it is! Zed, c’mon, I gotta introduce you to this guy.”

  He jumps down from their perch and rushes towards the person, followed closely by a curious Zedaph. “Hey! Hey, EX!”

  The figure turns and that’s when Zedaph recognises them with a jolt. That name, coupled with that familiar red helmet… It can’t be… can it…?

  He quickly scoots behind a tree as Grian stops in front of the person, beaming. “Hey! It’s been a long time!”

  Evil Xisuma, now going by the name EX, smiles at him. “Hey, Grian. Yeah, it’s been a while.” 

  “Grian? I see no Grian here,” says Grian innocently.

  EX chuckles. “Oh yeah. Sorry, Mr Poultry Man. You out here patrolling?”

  “Yup! Keeping watch over the server with my new partner!” Grian turns to introduce Zedaph to EX but frowns as he realises Zedaph is gone. “Uh… Zed? Where’d you go?”

  “Wait…” EX freezes as they recognise the name. “Zedaph…?”

  Grian spots his friend hiding behind a tree a few blocks down the path. “Zed, what are you doing?”

  Realising he can’t hide any longer, Zedaph slowly emerges from behind the tree and approaches the two, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “Hello.”

  Grian frowns, sensing the tension between them. “You know EX already?” he asks slowly.

  Zedaph holds EX’s gaze for a moment but has to turn away. “Yeah. I knew him a long time ago.”

  EX shifts their feet awkwardly, causing Grian to step forwards, clearing his throat. “EX goes by they/them pronouns now.”

  Zedaph glances at EX, who looks away from him. He wonders whether EX was too scared to correct him themself. Has it really been so long that EX can’t be as open around him as they used to be? 

  Finally, he turns back to Grian. “They used to be my friend but that was a long time ago.” 

  “It WAS a long time ago, wasn’t it?” EX says quietly.

  “Just over three years. Since we last teamed up, anyway.”

  EX sighs quietly. “Listen, I’m sorry I left you. I was just feeling so guilty that you believed I was a good person and I couldn’t continue that lie, but I couldn’t exactly tell you the truth either, could I?” 

  “I only believed you were a good person because that’s what you told me,” Zedaph retorts. “But it doesn’t matter. I’m not angry at you anymore, I’m angry at myself. For being so stupid as to not realise why you were able to break me out of that prison so easily.”

  “Oh.” EX hesitates, realising now why Zedaph is being so careful around them. “When did you find out?”

  Zedaph’s shoulders slump. “After X banned you. I begged and begged him to reconsider but he refused. You have no idea how long I cried, how many sleepless nights I had, when X told me the truth about you. My friends got hurt because I was too naive to realise that the person I was calling my sidekick was actually a villain.”

  “Zedaph, you- you have every right to be angry at me for that,” EX says quietly. “But I’ve changed now, I promise.”

  “I can vouch for them,” Grian chimes in. “They’ve been helping me with building projects on and off for a couple of weeks. During that time, they told me a bit about their past and I can tell they’re not who they used to be.” 

  Zedaph gives his friend a look. “Did they tell you about their shared past with me?”

  “No, they only-.” 

  Grian breaks off, glancing from Zedaph to EX, as the penny finally drops. “Oh… EX is the former sidekick you were referring to, aren’t they?” 

  Zedaph and EX both nod slowly. 

  “I was a far better sidekick than I was a villain, honestly,” admits EX quietly. “I feel like I took to being good much quicker than I did to being evil.”

  “You did,” Zedaph agrees. “But that still didn’t stop you from getting yourself banned.”

  “I-I’ve made some mistakes, that much is true. In fact, a LOT of mistakes. But that’s exactly what I’m back here to do: I’m here to prove to myself, Xisuma, and the rest of the server that I can be a good person.” They clasp their hands together in an anxious gesture that Zedaph recognises from when they worked together. “And I want to prove it to you too, Zedaph.”

  Zedaph hesitates, watching his old friend with a conflicted look. 

  At that moment, however, Grian and Zedaph’s communicators go off with three messages in quick succession. 

<Xisuma> trapped by Wither!!!

<Xisuma> one heart no food left!!!!

<Xisuma> help!!!!!

  “Looks like this is your chance to prove yourself,” Grian says, patting EX on the shoulder. “Xisuma needs our help and we’re gonna go save him. Coming?”

  EX doesn’t even hesitate. “Yes, I’m coming. Let’s go.”

…

  The group follow X’s given coordinates to an underground tunnel in a remote part of the server. As they get closer, they can hear menacing sounds, followed almost immediately by a loud explosion.

  “Uh oh!” Grian picks up speed. “Quickly, guys!”

  They burst through an opening in the tunnel, only to find themselves immediately confronted by a half-health wither. 

  “Move!” Zedaph screeches.

  He shoves EX to one side and Grian dives to the other as the wither fires a burst of exploding skulls at them. 

  As EX scrambles to their feet, they spot Xisuma squished into a small gap in the wall, clutching a clearly cracked shield in his hand. His eyes widen visibly as he spots his evil counterpart. 

  EX winces. They’re not supposed to be here; they were banned several months ago, and Xisuma knows that. He is the one who banned EX. 

  But before they can interact with their counterpart, they’re forced to duck under another burst of skulls and scramble for a safe nook on the other side of the cave.

  Meanwhile, Grian and Zedaph are hacking away at the wither, but they’re making slow progress; the wither keeps attacking back, forcing them to retreat to avoid getting hit. 

  “X, get outta here, quickly!” Grian yells. 

  Xisuma hurriedly squeezes himself out of the crevice and dashes for the exit to the cave. However, because of his low health, he knows he has to be careful on the uneven rocky ground.

  Just as he gets to the cave mouth, his foot drops into a small gap created by one of the wither explosions and his ankle rolls, causing him to pitch forwards with a yelp. 

  “Xisuma!” Zedaph screeches, as he and Grian are forced to retreat to avoid a barrage of skulls. 

  Unexpectedly, the wither twists mid-air and fires off three skulls. The first two sail over Xisuma’s head but the third is heading straight for him.

  A split second before it hits him, EX dives in front of him and takes the skull to the back, propelling them past Xisuma and into the stone wall of the cave. 

  “EX!” Zedaph screeches. 

  “Zed, look up!” Grian yells suddenly. 

  Zedaph does so, just in time to see Grian tossing his sword back to him. Taking a deep breath, he leaps up and forward, catching his sword mid-air, and brings the weapon down on the wither. The critical hit takes the last bit of its health. 

  He lands neatly on the ground and uses EX’s fallen shield to protect himself and Xisuma as the wither explodes in a burst of light. 

  As Grian rushes over to help Xisuma, Zedaph dashes to EX’s side. The wither effect has worn off but EX is clearly still in pain; even though Zedaph can’t see their face, their muscles are visibly tense. 

  “EX, can you hear me?” Zedaph asks worriedly. “Are you alright?” 

  For one horrifying moment, there is silence. Then:

  “‘M fine.”

  Zedaph breathes out in relief. “Jeez, you scared me. What were you thinking? You could’ve died and we both know you won’t respawn.”

  “I-I wasn’t thinking.” EX sits up, with Zedaph’s help. “I just… acted.”

  “Well, you saved me from a painful death,” says Xisuma, giving his counterpart a sympathetic look. “I just don’t understand why you would save me, after our history.”

  “I, um…” EX hesitates. “I was inspired to be a better person recently, and when I saw you were in trouble, I just… didn’t let myself hesitate.”

  “Really?” asks Xisuma in surprise. “Who inspired you?”

  EX gives a small smile. “Two friends who mean a lot to me. But…” They pause, taking in a deep breath. “I know I’m not actually meant to be back here, so I do completely understand if you ban me again.”

  To their surprise, Xisuma immediately shakes his head. “I’m not going to do that. For one thing, you just saved my life. But more importantly, I sensed a change in you the second I saw you today, Exy. A very positive change. If these friends of yours on Hermitcraft caused that change, then there’s no way I’m gonna stop you from being around them. But I WILL be keeping a close eye on you, of course.”

  “O-Of course.” EX covers their visor with their hands, eliminating any chance that the others might notice the tears that have sprung to their eyes. “Thank you, Xisuma.”

  Xisuma places his hand on his counterpart’s shoulder. “No, thank YOU, Exy.” 

  He glances at Grian and Zedaph, who are watching together a few blocks away. “You two superheroes better get back up there and change before someone notices you’re missing.”

  “I want EX to come with us,” Zedaph responds. “Please.”

  Xisuma watches him steadily for a moment before nodding. “Okay. I just need to do some admin things to make sure their code isn’t still recognised as being banned, so they’re able to respawn in this world if they die.”

  “Thanks,” says Zedaph gratefully. “Could you also let the server know of the situation?”

  “Will do. Careful on your way back.”

  The three make their way back up towards the surface, leaving Xisuma behind in the raggedly destroyed hole. 

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” asks Zedaph, noticing EX shivering. 

  EX nods. “I’m fine. Just leftover wither effect, that’s all. I’m used to floating around in the void, not having the life sucked out of me.” 

  To their surprise, Grian chuckles. “Being back on Hermitcraft, you’re gonna have to get used to all kinds of effects. But hey, don’t worry: we’ll be here to help you through it.”

  “All of it,” adds Zedaph warmly, slinging his arm over EX’s shoulder. 

  A smile slowly spreads over EX’s face as they feel the warmth of being enveloped on either side by two friends. For the first time, they feel safe and cared for. They’re about to start their new life on Hermitcraft. 

  And there’s no two people he would rather start it with. 

[mxtcha-tea]

Ruby Chocolate.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷Neither bitter, milky or sweet, but a tension of fresh berry fruitiness; 47.3% cocoa solids; doesn’t have a definite trait but rather seen as mysterious and unique.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷summary; looking for lost souls with the laziest person in campus is probably the dumbest idea your homeroom teacher can think of, or is it?

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷genre; one-sided enemies to lover, brief mentions of the afterlife and concept of souls and ghouls (non of it are true and is for plot purpose only), fluff and crack all mixed together at some point, slight angst but not too sed, dark academia au, reader being in denial that they love Suna, slight college au vibes but dark academia theme of course, [if there’s anything else I forgot to add, feel free to remind me :)]

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷word count; 10k+ [of confusion]

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷featuring; suna rintarou + gn!reader [they/them pronouns] [If they’re any parts that I miss, remind me mkay? :)]

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷chef note; AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I don’t know if I like it, my brain kept saying pog at it i mean, sdksdhsk, just read it all by yourself :’) also I’m gonna let you all figure out the timestamps for each section break ;)

“I refuse,”

Those words left your mouth in an instant before the teacher could even finish her sentences. The person next to you took a glance at you before briefly shrugging. Your homeroom teacher looks between you and the male with a frown on her face,

“Don’t be like that [y/n], it’s only for a week. If you don’t have any reports about it, then we’ll get the higher grounds to deal with the case,”

“That’s, not the problem here, Miss Mochizuki. The ACTUAL problem that I have for this case though,”

You turned your head and glared slightly at the almost too familiar, fox-like eyes person with his hands messily tucked inside his jacket, “Is because he’s tagging along with me,”

Suna Rintarou.

One of the, no, the laziest person on the whole campus, might be even the entire land. There are a lot of reasons why you hated him. Suna’s always late to class and doesn’t even acknowledge the teacher nagging at him.

He always eats and sleeps in class whenever he can, not to mention that he’s absolutely irresponsible. You have a hard time trying to study, paying attention to what the teachers are saying with his figure draping over his desk from the corner of your eyes.

Or the loud and obnoxious sounds of him eating the chips he sneaked in. It’s driving you crazy every time, but that’s only the minor reasons.

The real reason you hold a grudge on this immature ‘Tibetan Sand Fox’ is because of that one freshman memory you had with him. Back when autumn already ended, you rolled onto the kingdom’s academies to pursue your career. But this man…

He really had to destroy your first impression in front of the whole academy. You’re on your way to go to your classroom to prepare for the ice breaking session, looking calm as ever.

Unlike this guy, he’s rushing to put his coat on and looks like he’s late for something. Suna at first glance, he looks like a pretty decent person and you’re going to admit that you did find him attractive at first.

The twinkling lights coming from his enchanting yellow irises and the mere look of his soft dark brown hair fits perfectly well with him. That’s what you thought before, until he bumped into you without looking and spilled the coffee in his hands to your shirt.

It stained the white material so badly and left a big spot right on your chest. Both of your eyes widened at that and caught each other’s eyes,

“Sorry,”

That was the last thing and only thing he said before walking away, leaving you to deal with the embarrassment alone. The surrounding students watched you with pity and whispered to each other rather than helping you clean up.

You can definitely feel your cheeks heating at the stares you’re getting, biting the insides of your mouth before quickly picking up the coffee lid that fell down from Suna’s cup and walking away to find the bathroom.

What’s even worse after that is you didn’t know where the bathroom is so you had to ask the students around, while still having the stain on your shirt.

Thankfully, it doesn’t take long for at least one of them to tell you the direction, giving you a nod of pity because of your condition now. You nodded at them back before speed walking towards the bathroom with your hand covering your face in humiliation.

At least you have spare clothes inside your bag and then after changing, you went on your way as if nothing ever happened before. But the memory still stuck inside your head like a magnet.

Now, you’re standing there with him besides you, because you got called by your homeroom teacher to ask you two for a favor.

From what she said, the lost souls from section 5 escaped and are now roaming the old academy’s library. And she had requested both you and Suna to find all 10 of them. Together.

Albeit knowing your situation with the male, she still pestered you to go with him as a ‘bonding’ moment to ease up the tension between you two. It annoys you, but Suna doesn’t seem to even care about it.

“I’d asked some other students from your class but they declined, and I can’t ask for your seniors because they’re preparing for an exam next month,”

You slightly massaged your temple in frustration, shutting your eyes while you’re at it. You can feel Suna’s stare creating a hole at the back of your head. You don’t really know what he’s thinking since you’re not a mind reader, but you can already tell that he’s looking at you as if you’re a fool in distress.

A groan escaped your lips before opening your eyes again and stare into Miss Mochizuki's eyes with a bored expression, “Fine,”

“I’ll do it,”

You can hear a slight cough coming from your left as you turn your head once again at the fox, “Correction, we’ll do it,”

His pupils shifted from you to your teacher while nodding a little. She clapped her hands in relief, the usual smile she has returning to her face, “Thank goodness, I hope you two stand by your statement and I better see your faces in the dining hall tomorrow,”

Before you can even respond, he cuts you off. Great, “No problem, and you can count on us of course,”

You scoffed, more like you’re the only one doing all the jobs. You nodded at your teacher for the last time before you turned on your heel and walked away.

The sounds of the footsteps behind you are getting louder and louder the more you try to speed walk back to your dorm. You stopped in your tracks and so did the footsteps of a certain person.

A glance was brought to Suna’s view before you fully turned your body to face him, slouching slightly with his terrible figure, “What do you want?”

“Aren’t we like, you know, supposed to find out how to catch these so called ‘souls’,”

“They already thought us how in the class session just a week ago,”

He tilted his head slightly, rubbing the back of his neck, “I didn’t hear what the teach says,”

Of course. You scowled at him before looking away, “Well, you can learn it again all by yourself before tomorrow comes-”

Before you can even walk away again, he got a hold of your wrist and spun you around to face him. His eyes stares into yours for a slight second before he opened his mouth,

“You know that I have trouble studying alone, so I need your help to teach me about these souls things or whatever,” “And why would I?”

You yanked your hand away from his grip, rubbing your wrist slightly. Suna sighed,

“Look, I may not know a lot about this, but catching one of ’em seemed like a tough job for only one person to handle, isn’t it?”

No responses from you, but you didn’t seem to deny it by the look on your face, so he continued, 

“If you can teach me how to catch these souls back to where they belong, it would’ve been easier and you don’t have to spend your precious time on me for too long,”

As much as you hate to admit it, he has a point. Suna always knew about your hatred towards him, whether it’s from your cold stares at him to you brushing him off every time he approaches you to ask a question.

It’s pretty obvious, since you always avoid him no matter what. He doesn’t take it to heart cause he had experienced it when he was a kid. But at some point, those indifferent you have towards him felt slightly painful.

As if he doesn’t really like it that you hate him, or the fact that he looks up to you. How can anyone not?

You’re enchantingly alluring not to mention one of the top students in his year. You never fail any tests and seem like a people magnet, always talking to everyone you come across to.

He felt small around you and to be paired in a case together? He thought you can just stomp on him like he’s nothing.

But, it’s a great opportunity too. Like what Miss Mochizuki said, it could be a bonding moment for the two of you. And for him to prove you that he’s not a bad person like what you see him to be.

Suna can feel his heart beating a million times an hour, locked in your unwavering stare before you shake your head, “After lunch break, we’re going to the library,”

He blinked in surprise and before he can react, you started walking away but stopped again, standing there for a second,

“Don’t be late,”

That’s the last thing you said before leaving him dumbfounded on his spot. He watches your figure fade away from his vision as he sighed. A small smile twitched upon his facial features,

“Can’t promise that,”

“This simpleton, I swear to god,”

You tapped your foot with impatience, looking at both your left and right trying to find the slouching figure of Suna Rintarou but he still hasn't come even after 13 minutes of you waiting inside the library.

The people inside quivers a bit at the dark aura radiating from you and literally anyone from a 5 miles distance can certainly feel it.

A chuckle can be heard besides you as you turn your head around to see none other than your friend from the same classroom,

“Still waiting huh?”

“That’s the problem here, Keiji!  He’s so irresponsible with whatever task was given. I told him to arrive after lunch break and yet, that fool still haven’t show his head anywhere,”

You ranted to him before going back to tapping your foot while having your arms crossed, huffing frustratedly. Akaashi Keiji, who is also one of the top students of the academy and your closest friend in the classroom,

“I think I saw him still being in the dining hall, talking with his friends from the other class,”

“HE IS?!”

Akaashi flinched at your sudden outburst, you realized what you had done and mumbled an apology before looking away. The male sighed, a small smile appearing on his face, “You shouldn’t go hard on him. I mean, this is the first time he had ever agreed to study,”

“Huh? What do you mean by that?” you caught his eyes, showing a small glint of mischief, “What I’m saying is that Rintarou always decline my offer to have a study session with him,”

“Yeah, I know that it’s not surprising that he declined it since he’s not the type to study as you can tell. But what’s bizarre is that Rintarou asked you to tutor him without a second thought when the case was brought to you two, and without hesitating. Don’t you find that weird?”

You shrugged, “It’s good that he got that inside his head but to be honestly, it is kind of weird. Also, why did you even offer to tutor him in the first place, Keiji?”

The ravenette chuckled slightly, turning his head around to look back at you, “Well, did you actually know that-”

And before he can finish his sentences, the tall brunette that you had been waiting for arrived in front of you. Both you and Akaashi stopped your conversation to look at his panting form, probably from the running he did.

Suna quickly put his head up and looks between you and Akaashi before opening his mouth, “Hey,”

Without even hesitating you aggressively pull his collar shirt and drags him inside the library, nagging him for being late,

“You’re late, I told you not to but you didn’t listen to me and decided to hang out with your friends at the dining hall,”

“What, how did you know that I was there?”

“Don’t change the subject,”

“Geez fine, also i’m not really that late,”

“I’ve waited for 13 minutes,”

“Doesn’t seem too long for me,”

“Just go grab a book so that we can start already,”

“Yes, ma’am,”

Akaashi watches you walk away with the tall lad before snickering to himself, going back to finding another book to read.

You slam the book down as you can see the male’s figure flinched at your action from the corner of your eyes. You did nothing but give him a cold side eye, sighing and proceed to open the book.

Suna watches you flip through the pages, brushing your thumb on the title every second to check the words before finally finding the subject you’re looking for.

You slide the book to him to show the page you’re in, “Here it is. Go read it by yourself,”

The male looks at the book, then at you and then back to the book. He held onto the cover and scanned the words one by one. After reading for a minimum of 6 words, he puts the book down.

You confusedly look at him, “Why did you stop reading?”

“Too many words,” he can hear you sighing for the nth time before the pages of the book are squeezed up to his face, “There’s no way you can just catch the souls without reading what they are, just read it! It’s not that hard,”

“Pfft, yes it is. I don’t even like to read books in the first place,” both of you struggled with each other, him trying to push the book away from his face while you’re trying to smack on it.

He finally got a good hold on it and put it down back on the table, “I already told you that reading is no good for me, I literally can’t learn anything by just looking at words,”

You glared at him with a black aura coming from you. Suna shivers at that, sweat dropping before putting both of his hands up to show mercy. Your eyes then turn back to its original annoyed look as you rest your forehead on top of your palm.

His eyes stare at your figure, blinking a few times, “You know, you can just properly tutor me on how these souls work, explaining it or something,”

Suna flinched when you shot your head up and directly turn your pupils at him, “Yeah, sure, I don’t mind,”

But he did certainly saw you rolling your eyes, taking the book in front of him and scanned the sentences for only a few seconds before putting your eyes back at him,

“Do you have a notebook and a pen with you?”

“Am I seeing this right?”

Akaashi turned his head to his senior, resting his arm over the table he’s sitting at. Konoha stares at both of you and Suna’s figure talking about the subject in hand, and surprisingly enough, the brunette even has the energy to write what you’re explaining to him.

“Is the infamous Suna Rintarou is actually studying with the person who hated him the most?” “We live in a weird world, Konoha. Maybe this is god’s work to get them to be nice with each other,”

Konoha snickered before turning his head at a certain owl like person and after a few minutes, his face contorted into an annoyed look,

“Bokuto, how long are you going to pick a book??”

“Sorry! Wait, I think I found one!”

“Well, then hurry up,”

“No need to rush me out, I got this!”

A chorus of ‘shhh’ filled in the room as Bokuto sheepishly mumbled an apology before quickly grabbing the book. Akaashi sighed while Konoha shakes his head at his classmate’s antics.

Suna tapped his pen onto his notebook, filled with words that seemed like only he can understand and a few doodles, looking back at you explaining the concept of souls to him,

“Now you know what souls are?” The male nodded, briefly taking a glance at his notebook again,

“These souls are basically dead people from the past that didn’t make it through the barrier between this world and the afterlife. They’re harmless so it won’t be a problem for people to encounter them,”

You snap your fingers at his response, “Correct, and are souls and ghouls the same thing?” You asked again, “No, not at all,”

“A ghoul is more like an entity that robs graves and feeds on corpse, they’re pretty harmful so hafta avoid ‘em at all cost,”

A hum of affirmation and nod was sent his way as he sighs in relief, finally understanding the concept. And thought to himself, that you’re a pretty good tutor, not that he’ll admit it in front of your face though.

You read back the content inside the book while waiting for Suna to finish writing the remaining notes down. And to slightly collect your thoughts. Despite never hearing anything in class, he’s actually a quick learner and is a good listener when he tries to be.

Not to mention that he sometimes crack a joke or two to lighten up the mood, and unfortunate enough, he caught you snickering at one of his bad jokes,

“Are you actually laughing right now?”

“What are you talking about,”

“Oh playing dumb now huh? I didn’t know you’re that kind of type but you totally did laugh at my jokes,”

“No, I didn’t,”

“Pfft, yes you did, ma’am. There’s no need to deny it,”

You hit his head with his notebook with a small ‘oof’ in response, “Shut up and get back to work,”

And you’re actually...enjoying tutoring him right now- No, you’re only here to teach this idiot of a person about souls and how to catch it and that’s it. You have also tutored a few students before inside the library and at the same spot,

But why does it feel different with him?

“Now that we already covered that part, let’s get to the real point here; how to catch souls,”

You hold out your hand to him as Suna puts his notebook onto your palm, watching you take it and start sketching onto it. He leaned a bit from his spot to see you drawing out a picture of a gas lamp.

After finished sketching it, you show the book to him and started explaining again, “As you can tell, this gas lamp is the main tool of catching the souls,”

“Basically, when we light up the lamp, it’ll absorb any type of lights surrounding it which includes the souls. It’s confirmed souls are made out of lights so when exposed to any main source of lights, they’ll get trapped inside it, which is also the reason why…”

You waited a bit, averting your eyes at him. He does the same, but with confusion before it clicked right into him. His mouth turned into an ‘o’ shape, continuing your statement,

“-they roam at night, so that they won’t be exposed and absorbed by the sun,”

“Exactly,”

Suna nodded, feeling a little bit smart and it might be just him but he thought he saw your mouth twitched into a small smile just now. But it’s barely even visible so he won’t trust his brain this time, though he hoped that you’re happy that he’s finally understanding it,

“And that’s all,” “That’s all?” “Yep, tomorrow we meet up at the dining hall after dinner, then we can start preparing for the search,”

You close the book and put it back to it’s shelf, you hand him his pen back as he takes it from you. His cheeks tinged a bit at how briefly your fingers brushed his. He tried to not make it obvious but he can’t help but fluster at the mere touch,

“I hope you won’t be late this time…” He flinched at your tone to see you glaring at him, but it somewhat, a little bit toned down than what you usually do. Then again, he still nodded as your stare softened almost too quickly,

“Good, see you then,”

And then, something that he didn’t expect from you happened. You hold out your hand and wave at him before walking out of the library. He blinked, did you just wave him goodbye?

No, that seemed impossible coming from a person like you, the one that hated him the most. You didn’t care about him or even acknowledge him in the first place, you’re only doing this for the case. Or did you even hate him in the first  place?

Suna blushed bright red at that thought before hearing Akaashi said to him,

“Well, that doesn’t seem very [y/n] at all, don’t you think,” He turned around to see the ravenette smirking at him, taking a seat at where you previously sat at, “Do you know what that means Akaashi?”

“Hm, maybe they started getting comfortable with you, but you’ll never know right? Maybe you should watch them closely more often,”

The brunette looks down at his note, scanning your sketch of the gas lamp while brushing the thin lines with his fingers.

Do you even hate him?

You walked through the halls after exiting the library but then stopped next to the big glass window. You stood there, frozen as if you had turned into stone,

“[Y/N], WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS??”

You whispered yelled to yourself while lightly slapping your face to get your head back to reality. Sure, you do hate him right? You hate him so much because of the freshman memories and the way he’s just very ignorant in class.

And the way his lean body figure just draped over his desk, showing his toned muscles behind his tight white collar shirt. And the way he’ll just lean over you whenever he wanted to ask a question, his handsome face and beautiful eyes scanning your figure-

“NOOO, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???”

Your hand tugged the hem of your shirt, biting your lips at the thought as your face heated up. You scoffed, shaking your head before speed walking away from the halls with a hesitant smile on your face, truly believing that you hate Suna Rintarou.

It’s true that you hate him, you even admitted it to yourself and everyone else. You really hate him for the things he’s irresponsible for and the things he’d done to you,

So, why is it so hard to hate him now?

“DUDE, YOU WHAT??”

“TSUMU, STOP BEING SO LOUD, I’M TRYNA TO MAKE SOME FOOD,”

“WHY’RE YA EVEN MAKIN’ FOOD INSIDE OUR DORM IN THE FIRST PLACE,”

A pillow smacked into Atsumu’s face as he glared at Ginjima who threw it at him, “You both are too loud, quiet down or else we’ll get nagged again!” “Sheesh,” the blonde scoffed before launching onto his bed and throwing the pillow back at Ginjima,

“So, back to Mr.hated-by-[y/n]-[l/n] situation-” “-that name’s suck-” “-shaddup, samu- anyways, do y'all start going good or something? Hm?” he rested his head onto his pillow, looking into his friend’s eyes,

“Nah, we’re still on the bad side I think,” “Pfft, you think? Suna, we heard the news, they’re literally into you now that you show yer ‘cool’ side to them,”

Suna cringed at that before rolling his eyes and reading back the book in his hands, “Also, when did ya even start reading books all of the sudden? I thought you hated eating words,”

“Eating what?” Osamu looks at his twin brother with a confused expression, the bowl of rice in his hand was half eaten along with the omelette in front of him,

“That’s literally what Suna said when he read books for the first time,”

Ginjima snickered at that memory and looks at Suna, “Pfft yeah, he even said that it doesn’t taste good,”

All of them, except Suna, laughed at that while the brunette just scoffed before the door of their room was opened, “Omi-omi! How's the bath? Hm?”

“Shut up, Miya,” Sakusa spite at him as he can see Osamu looking up from his bowl of rice with an offended look, “ The blonde Miya,” and with only that, he softened up and went back to chewing his food.

Komori followed him from behind before plopping down onto his bed, which is next to Sakusa’s. He then looks at Suna with a mischievous smile,

“Heard the news Rin, is it true though?” “It came from Akaashi, of course it’s true,” Atsumu answered for him, having his hands behind his head while staring at the top bunk, where Ginjima sleeps at,

“Well, technically and no, I wanna hear it from the man himself,”

“Am I seriously getting interrogated right now,”

“Apparently,” Ginjima shrugged, turning his body around to look at Suna. The latter sighs before quickly closing the book he’s reading, “I don’t want to answer more stupid questions so, good night!”

He turned off the only lamp switch, that is miraculously next to him as the room turned dark. The sounds of the groaning and slight screams of frustration can be heard inside as they complained,

“SUNA, TURN ON THE LIGHT BACK ON, I’M NOT FINISHED EATING YET!”

“THAT’S WHY I TOLD YOU TO EAT OUTSIDE, FOR GOD SAKES,”

“RIN, IT’S NOT NIGHT TIME YET, OPEN THE LAMP BACK ON,”

“SHUT UP, TSUMU. I EAT WHEN I WANT TO,”

“Rintarou, open the lamp,”

“WHY THE HELL DO YOU ALWAYS DO THIS RIN??”

“YOU’LL GET YOUR STUPID RICE EVERYWHERE ON THE FLOOR,”

“THEN, HOW ABOUT YOU BE A USEFUL THING AND CLEAN IT UP,”

“WHAT?! NO, THAT GROSS,”

“IF NONE OF YOU SHUT UP, I’LL CALL MR.OYAMA TO YELL AT YOU ALL!”

The sound of their senior’s voice shuts them up in an instant as Suna quickly turn the lights back on and pretend to read the book he’s reading just now, though it’s upside down,

“This is why I propose that I’m the one who should sleep next to the lamp switch,”

“Oh, shut up you would literally do the same,”

“NO, I WON’T,”

“YES, YOU WOULD,”

“WHY’RE YOU TWO EVEN ARGUING ABOUT THIS, OH GOD-”

“WHAT DID I JUST SAID?!”

And then they’re back to silence. Sakusa sighed, opening his notebook to study back the last session.

You walked through the dark halls, lighted up with only candles as you turned to the right to head towards the dining hall. And much to your surprise, Suna’s already there.

Leaning against one of the pillars while lightly tapping his foot. Then he caught your figure and hold out his hand to greet your arrival, “Hey, you’re late,”

You scoffed at that, standing in front of him with your hands on your hips, “I just came right on time, so I wasn’t late. But you came earlier than last time, did your friend just ditch you?”

He hold up a hand to his chest, pretending to be offended by your words, “Ouch, at least compliment me for being earlier than you,” Which earns an unamused sigh from you as you look around the halls,

“Whatever, do you have all the preparations?” “Yep,”

The male patted the bag wrapped around his shoulder as he lifted up a gas lamp from his other hand, “Good. Now, should we get going?”

“Obviously, but do you actually know where the old library is?” “Of course,”

You motioned him to follow you as you walked towards the end of the dining hall room, a door was placed at the very corner as you searched through your coat’s pocket and pull out a key,

“How come I never saw this door before,” “I didn’t notice too at first, but I think the more you look around, the more you notice things,”

The lock let out a click as you removed the lock from the door before opening it as the fresh night air hit Suna’s face. He shivered slightly, shaking his head a bit and started following you out from the door.

And just like that, the view of the old academy’s library came to his view as he looked up at the tall building. The sound of the crows can also be heard, a murder of it can be seen resting on one of the tree’s branches.

It’s a full moon today so it gave both of you enough light to see around the dark and lonesome night.

It was mere silence between you two as you walked through the plain grass towards the library’s main gate, looking rusty as ever. You tried opening the metal gate but unable to by how rusty it became after years of abandonment, “Let me,”

Suna put a hand up to try to open it and you let him, retreating a bit. But you didn’t know that his method of opening is this.

Without a second thought, he kicked the metal door open as the ear screeching sound echoed through the skies, making the crows fly in fear, “You idiot,”

You smacked his shoulder as he groaned in pain at the surprisingly hard smack, rubbing his shoulder while he’s at it. You went inside the gate without sparing a glance at him and walked straight towards the library’s entrance.

Suna quickly follows from behind and stares at the big and gloomy door. You did the same, you knew that these souls were absolutely harmless and had no way of hurting both of you.

But you truly can’t deny the eerie feeling by just the look of the door, “What, you’re scared?”

You flinched at his statement, turning your head around to see a small smirk plastered on his smug little face. You scoffed at that and shook your head, “Good riddance,”

Why’re your heart beating faster right now? Is it because you’re actually that scared with what’s about to come? You had come this far from tutoring him to trying to find the right tools and yet, you find yourself in a slightly shivering form.

Or is it because you’re nervous that you would be truly alone with this brunette. You hated him, so why would you be nervous to be around him all alone. Hated…

How weird. You tried to calm down your beating heart and wonder if Suna’s actually feeling the same thing-

‘No, [y/n] focus, now’s not the time,’ you thought, shaking your head a bit.

Little did you know though, the person next to you is feeling the same emotions as yours. Finally, alone with only you and himself, he’s quite nervous isn’t he? Awfully obvious, he can already hear Atsumu mocking him for that,

Oh well, at least he had to be ready for what’s about to come.

“Hey, we’re going to turn on the lamp now, you’re ready?”

“Always has been,” Suna said almost too quickly while still staring at the library’s door.

You look at him with surprise at his quick response. Why’s he suddenly confident with all this? But you took it no mind as you just nodded and pulled out your lamp and a box of matches. You light one of it before gently burning the rope inside the lamp.

You did the same with Suna’s before taking a deep breath. You look at Suna for one last time as you get a nod of affirmation from him. He slowly opens up the door as it creates a terrible screek before hitting the wall.

And the last thing you hear from the male is a chuckle with a smirk on his face,

“This is gonna be interesting,”

It was silence. Only silence and the sounds of your footsteps roaming around the lonely and empty library. The insides of the building are horribly dark as you can see books scattering all over the place with the only lights coming from the lamp.

Torned up completely. Suna takes the lead, shining every corner of the room you’re in to try to find a familiar white light floating around, “Hey, you found anything?”

The male stopped on his tracks before turning around to look at you, shaking his head as in he hadn't found anything. You sighed, moving the lamp in your hand around a bit more before finding a stack of stairs heading to the second floor,

“Let’s check the next floor,”

Suna just nodded and headed towards it. He checked for any cracks or holes before confirming that it’s safe. He sent a nod at you as the two of you started going up stairs.

And at that moment, he remembered back what Akaashi said to him back at the library. Why do these unimportant flashbacks always happen during the baddest time? He sighs quietly to himself as he recalled what the ravenette had said;

“If you really want to impress them, show them that you’re responsible for any kind of situation, no matter what. I know that you’re a very lazy person but at least put some effort in making yourself look good to them,”

“Also, I think you should just tell them the truth when you get there, It’s better than keeping it a secret no matter how painful you felt admitting it,”

At that exact moment, he can instantly hear a crack spreading and in an instant turns his head towards you, catching a glimpse of your face contorted into fear. Without any hesitation, Suna quickly grabbed your wrist and pulled you towards him as the staircase collapsed underneath you two.

Both of you tried to catch your breath from the sudden event, sweating profusely but thankfully, you’re safe without a scratch. When you finally collected your minds, you realized the situation you’re in with him,

You’re awkwardly on top of him, with your legs in between his thighs and your head rested on his shoulder, his hand is on top of your head while the other is still gripping your wrist.

A blink before you quickly stand up from that position and look for your lamp. Thankfully, the glass didn’t shatter but Suna’s though…

“Sorry, uh, wait, where’s your lamp?”

He sat up, rubbing his head at the impact it had with the floor before looking at you and turning his head to his right, finding the lamp shattered as the pieces scattered all over the floor with the flame died out.

A sigh escaped his lips before standing up and dusted himself, “I guess we had to use yours now huh,”

“Unfortunately, c’mone, the more we find it, the less we had to spend our time here,”

Suna nodded at that, but tilted his head a bit when your figure’s still standing there in front of him, “Hey, you okay? Do you want to take a rest? We can like, I don’t know, maybe sit here for a bit then we can-”

“Suna,”

He froze when he heard his name rolled off from your tongue as he watched your back with his eyes widened. You never said his name before, it’s always ‘you’, ‘idiot’ or ‘Tibetan Sand Fox’, for some weird reasons. But now that he really heard his name,

His real name coming from you, he felt weird but it’s...nice,

“Thanks for just now. For me to say that I was surprised, was obvious but you do have fast reflexes so, yeah, thanks, I guess,”

You can feel his stare at the back of your head as you bite the inside of your cheeks and start walking away to the room in front of you.

He still stood there, completely dumbfounded with the change of behavior that you’re having right now. But it’s fine, he might get used to it, the more often he stay in this old library with you-

“SUNA! HURRY UP!” His mind got cut off before slapping his face slightly, “Coming!”

“Are we seriously going to be here all night…?”

Both of you sat on the wall near the now 3rd floor, you covered your face with your hand in frustration while the latter searched through his bag and pulled out a bar of chocolate.

He opens up the wrapper, cutting the bar into two but accidently making it uneven. He hummed, looking at both of the pieces before shrugging and handing you the bigger piece.

You look at the chocolate before hesitantly taking it from his hand. The chocolate looked slightly bizarre than the ones you had seen before, the color is not typically chocolate like all chocolates should be,

But rather in a pretty shade of pink, “Where did you get this?”

Suna looks at you while taking a bite of his chocolate, “Well, one of my friends is a good cook so we made this inside the dorm,” “Inside the dorm??”

He can see the confusion plastered on your face as he chuckled, “Yeah, he’s hungry all the time so we do this often inside our room. Got nagged a lot by seniors but all's well. Also, if you’re wondering, we’ve actually put some berries inside it, got a bit of a fruity taste,”

You look back at the chocolate with suspicion before going to take a bite. Your eyes widened as you bite the piece off and started munching on it,

“This...tastes pretty good,”

“I know right? He’s a bit of a weirdo tho but means well,”

You coughed at his statement and let out a laugh. Suna stopped mid biting the chocolate, watching you laugh your heart out as he could feel a slight pain to his chest.

The laugh soon died down as you turned your head at him with confusion, he quickly looked away with hot red cheeks, “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“N-nothing,”

You watch him biting off his chocolate rather aggressively with a frown on his face, and now red cheeks. Thankfully, the room is dark enough to cover the redness spreading across his face,

“Don’t lie to me, idiot. You thought my laugh was ugly didn’t you? So much for me to finally warming up to you,”

“I didn’t say that- wait, what,”

Why’s everything happening so fast for him to comprehend. You averted your eyes at him while eating your chocolate, you realized what you had said before blushing a bit, “Uh, I didn’t mean that, no, wait- the point is that,”

He watches you looking away from his view while crumpling the wrapper, “I, think I enjoyed spending my time with you, no matter how truly impossible it is to believe, I actually...”

Your beautiful eyes stare into his as a small smile plastered over your face, “..don’t hate you anymore, in fact, I, really wanted to be by your side all the time after that stupid, problematic study session that we have that I started realizing,”

He swallowed down the saliva collecting up on his throat as he can feel his heart is about to beat out of his chest, he’s afraid that you might hear it too,

“But I still won’t forgive you for that terrible freshman memory,” and just like that, your smile fades away as if it’s never there in the first place. Suna frowned at that as he recalled the old memory,

“Oh, you mean that time I spilled my coffee onto your shirt?”

“Obviously, and it annoys me anytime I think about it,”

Your tone was back to how it was, like how you used to talk to him before. You stand up from the floor and dust yourself, grabbing the lamp that was next to you. But this time, you’re giving him a hand as he, without a doubt grabs it and stand up as well,

“Well, I’m sorry about that but can you, actually hear my part of the story?” You tensed up at that,

“Your part?”

He merely nodded before opening his mouth,

“Sorry,”

Suna said with panic lacing his voice as he looked around for a brief second and walking away from the direction you came from. He jogged slightly, finally deciding to throw the coffee cup away and try to find-

He stopped in his tracks before finding a box of tissue near the canteen. He grabbed a few of them before jogging back to where he left you. But you’re nowhere to be seen, only a puddle of coffee left on the floor as the students tried to avoid stepping on it,

“Oh god,”

“YOU REALLY ARE AN IDIOT, AREN’T YOU??”

He flinched a bit when you smacked his shoulders a couple of times after he explained, “You could’ve just help me clean up and not walk away trying to find tissues,”

“I was late for my class and I was panicking okay?? I wasn’t thinking straight and again, I’m sorry!”

You huffed, smacking for the last time before speed walking away towards the 4th and last floor with Suna trying to catch up to you, “Honestly, on second thought, I think I can go back to hating you,”

“What do you mean by that?? You already told me that you didn’t hate me anymore,”

“I take it back, not only you’re irresponsible but you’re truly unable to make the right choices at a given time,”

“Oh c’mone, how many times you’re going to say that-”

His footsteps stopped as he stood there frozen in his tracks and eyes widened. You heard him get cut off by himself as you hesitantly turned your body around to face him, 

“Suna?”

He, can hear them. It’s been years now, but now that he heard them again, it felt awfully strange. His ears started ringing a terrible high pitched scream before it turned into silence again with your voice calling him out,

“Suna! What’re you still standing there? Hurry up, we need to finish this-”

The male grabbed your wrist that was holding the lamp, opening the glass’s cover and blow the flame out as only pitch black welcomed you two,

“SUNA! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?? NOW WE HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THE 4TH FLOOR AND EXIT IS! WHY’RE YOU LIKE THIS-”

“Just shut up and follow me,”

You immediately stopped your yellings and shivered slightly at how close his voice is next to your ear. You wanted to deny that and just start nagging him again, but something in his voice says that...he knows what he’s about to do.

You nodded slightly and let him drag you around. His hold on your wrist is still there, squeezing it in reassurance before he slowly walked towards the right side.

Both of you walked for what felt like an hour with only silence surrounding you two as he came across another staircase. Suna released the grip on your wrist, wrapping his hands around your back to guide you up,

“We’re gonna go slowly, okay?”

You nodded, and with that, you two started going up the stairs one by one. He gave you a small push from the back as a sign you’re going up the stairs. And when you two finally came to the 4th floor, you could see a small light coming from the corner of your eyes.

And there you finally see it. All of the 10 souls roaming around the library. It’s sad and lonesome faces look around everywhere and their liquidity like body twitched every second,

“Stay right here,”

You shot your eyes at Suna before he let go off his grip from your back and walk towards the souls. What is he doing? Both of you have no light source right now so it’s impossible to catch them with mere hands-

“Hey,”

The brunette started, looking at the white entity as it’s body slowly turned around to face him. The two of them stare at each other for a bit before Suna started talking again,

“You are? Huh, don’t worry, you’re safe with us,”

He wrapped his arms around the soul and, it didn't go through. Your eyes widened at that, did he really just...touched one? But it’s impossible for a mere mortal to just touch a dead being just like that,

“Almost every single human can’t touch a soul because of its non-existent matter since they’re basically dead. But there are rumors going around that there’s at least 1 in each kingdom that can touch a soul, and while they’re at it, they can also-”

“Suna, you can talk to souls?”

He turned his head around to look at you, watching him petting the soul slowly before stopping. The soul that he hugged looks at him, as a statement on why he stopped before looking at you,

You flinched at the eye contact but softened when it tilted it’s head in confusion. Suna takes a deep breath before looking at you with an unwavering stare,

“Yes, I, in fact, can talk to souls, and even touch them. I’m that 1 person in this kingdom,”

He hated that he had to admit it to you. He wasn’t so fond of this so-called ‘skill’ that he had since birth. He can totally admit this to anyone but to you? He’s back to feeling small, feeling like he holds no purpose in this world at all once you figured it out.

The male closes his eyes and expect the worst as your response,

“Don’t play with us, you don’t belong here,”

“I bet his only friends are those ghosts things,”

“What, you’re gonna cry? What you’re gonna do now huh? Cry it out to your dead friends?”

“Oh my, your son can talk to...dead beings…”

“Yes, and I’m planning on leaving the kingdom and him behind, he’s so lazy too so I don’t think I need him anymore,”

“I hope you have fun talking to yourself,”

“When he reaches the age of 13, I’ll leave him behind with the house. It’s his now and his other...friends,”

“I hate you, we all hate you, don’t even think of coming here again,”

“Don’t you-”

His mind got cut off when he felt a painful punch to his guts as he let out a scream in pain and kneel down, clutching his stomach. The soul that was next to him flinched and it’s face contorted into fear.

He looks up at you, glaring at him with tears staining your eyes,

Wait.

Before he can process his thoughts, you embrace him into a hug as you hold him tightly as if he’ll go away. He just stayed there, letting you engulfing him into the hug as his hands released his stomach.

Twitching a bit as he hugs you back, slowly gripping on your coat hardly while fighting back the tears that’s about to spill out. Unfortunately, you let go of the hug but then make eye contact with him.

Your tears stained eyes stared into his glossy ones before you opened your mouth,

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier? I could’ve just forgive everything you had done all those times,”

His breath hitched at the close proximity between you two. But he felt like he’s at home, a better one, “I’m...afraid that you’ll try to avoid me when I admit that-”

“Stop it stupid, I won’t avoid you for that. I was actually looking for you,”

Looking, for him? Suna watches you wiping the tears that fell down and continued, “I heard about that one person in the kingdom from an old friend of mine, they said that this person live in the same town as me,”

“I was, really intrigued that there’s actually someone that can talk and touch souls, I tried doing it on my own but failed every time, that’s why I was trying to find someone like that, to say that I think they’re incredible for something a mere person can’t do. But then again, I thought that, maybe they’re having a hard time trying to fit in by their unique trait, being an...outcast,”

An outcast huh? He had heard that name for him a lot of times,

“I personally don’t think that THAT person was an outcast just because they’re different from the others. I think that they’re special, they deserved better, they deserve every love they can get and yet…”

You bite your lips, “They still treat them differently. It’s not fair and will never be. So I tried searching for that person all around the kingdom when I was still in the age of 12, but I couldn’t find them,”

“But I did now, but I didn’t think that it would be you…”

What’re you trying to show him right now? Pity? Amazement? He didn’t know, your eyes just showing too many emotions at a time yet, he can still understand it.

And he thought, how should he react? After what you said just now, maybe he know what,

“What I wanted to say is that…”

You scoffed, but not in a hateful way like you always done and with a smile,

“You’re amazing Rintarou, and will always be. You’re never an outcast, cause you’re just the same like all of us, only…more special,”

Suna can feel your hand caressing his cheeks as he unconsciously let out a tear slide down. Your tears started spilling again as you hiccuped, trying to steady your breathing and brain,

“And, I’m sorry...for everything I have done to you, I’m...hah...so stupid…”

You let out a shaky laugh as the brunette hesitantly put a hand on the back of your head, letting you rest on top of his chest while he lay down on the floor. The souls surrounded you two in curiosity but you both paid it no mind and just enjoying each other presence,

“You’re not stupid, you never are. What you did to me all those months, was not stupid, but resonable,”

He bite the inside of his cheeks and let out a weak smile,

“And I had forgiven you a long time ago,”

And now, the only thing filling in the library is silence and the sound of both of your breathing, peaceful and unbothered.

You walked out from the dressing room and buttoned up your white collar shirt, fixing the jetblack coat you're wearing before looking around,

“Hey, has anyone seen my tie?”

“Oh, here!”

You turned to your right and smiled at Akaashi, taking the tie from his hands. You loosened up the zip and put it around your collar before zipping it back up, nice and tight.

Flattening it a bit before looking at your appearance on the mirror, “You already look dazzling, [y/n]. No need to pose in front of the mirror,”

“Oh shut up will you,”

You playfully yelled at Mai, who’s wearing the same kind of outfit like yours but with a knee length skirt.

Today’s the day, the time for your graduation. After a max time of 6 years surviving the academy, you’ve finally made it to graduation. It all felt so fast now that you think about it,

All those memories from the first day to the last day of the exam and now, here you are. And you’re going to admit that, it’s really hard not to feel emotional, after all that time spent with your friends and...lover.

You shake your head at that title, blushing a bit as you can feel a slight tap to your shoulder. You turned around to see none other than Suna,

“[y/n], help me put on this tie,”

“Why can’t you just put it on yourself?”

“I can’t tie a tie,”

You snorted, “Did you seriously just say a pun?” he shrugged, “Maybe,”

A sigh escaped from your lips as you took the tie from his hands and started tying it around his collar. And from the corner of your eyes, you can literally see Akaashi smirking at you along with the other 2nd years, who’s now seniors of the academy,

“Woah, Rin, didn’t know you’re the advantage taker type,”

“Yeah, are ya up to something Suna~?”

Both Atsumu and Komori snickered as the latter sigh, rolling his eyes in annoyance but you can definitely see the slight pink on his cheeks.

You finished tying his tie and patted it lightly, “There,” “Thanks,” “Anytime,”

“Haha, aren’t you two gonna kiss or something?” Ginjima pried in at the two of you, before almost everyone inside the room laughed with Suna’s cheeks turning red as he walks away to cover his face away from the crowd,

“We’re graduating now, aren’t we?”

You then looked at Eri as you two sit on the chair next to each other, Mai joining in to your other side, “It certainly is, I honestly can’t believe that 6 years had passed since we first started arriving here,”

“True, and I did remember the time Eri first arrived during our 3rd year, she’s so cute and shy~”

Eri blushed and huffed at Mai, who giggled at the noirette cute pout. You laughed along with them, watching Tanaka and Noya pestering Suna to tell them what’s going on between you two.

Ginjima and Atsumu join in on them, talking almost too loudly and you can tell that the teachers that’s out from backstage can hear them too.

Komori just watches them while his cousin just rolls his eyes at their antics, Osamu’s struggling to put on his tie as Ennoshita helped him out with it.

Kyoutani is actually having a relaxed conversation with Aone, which seemed very odd but very interesting to look at. Kenma’s just cramped up at the corner of the room with Fukunaga sitting comfortably next to him.

Yamamoto’s now joining in the Suna banter and you swear that the room gets noisier and noisier, much to Sakusa and Kenma’s dismay. Taichi and Shirabu are going through the script since both of them are going to give a speech later for the whole class.

And the others seemed to fix their appearance and clothes. You sighed, a small smile creeping up on your face. This all feels so nostalgic and heartwarming and you can’t help but feel pained that all of you had to separate from each other.

And it honestly felt like you have done wrong to them now that you reminisce the memories all at once. In a second, you clapped your hands loudly as it takes the attention of the whole room, their eyes and attention are now at you.

You missed this. You've been assigned to be the class monitor in the 4th year of the academy and they’ll always put their attention on you when you do this. You cleared your throat before opening your mouth, smiling as wide as you can,

“Now, that I have your attentions, I think I should make the last class meeting,”

Class meeting. It’s when all of you discuss anything regarding the class situation whether it’s about the exam or the class condition or upcoming events.

And the event now is to say goodbye to each other,

“First off, I wanted to say that, I’m sorry,”

All of them flinched at your words with surprise lacing their facial features as you continued, “I may haven’t realized it yet during our academy years but I think I’ve done at least something bad to every one of you, no matter how small or big it is, I do think it’s my responsibility to apologize, and I hope you all can forgive me,”

Then, you shrugged, “Or not, I don’t mind being someone you hate, you know,”

Your eyes caughted Suna as he did nothing but stare at you with disbelief, as if you said something terribly strange, “What’re ya saying, you never did anything wrong to us, [y/n],”

Atsumu started, having a frown on his face as you chuckled at his expression, “Maybe, but I just think that, since this is the last time we’re gonna be with each other, I think it’s best for me to apologize, even if I did nothing wrong, so, again,”

You bowed in front of all of them before sitting straight on your seat with a smile,

“I’m sorry for all the trouble I had done,”

Suddenly, you feel a heavy weight crashed into you as you widen your eyes at the impact and see who it was,

Suna Rintarou.

“Stop apologizing, stupid,”

Ah, the old name that you addressed him in. It felt nostalgic for a moment, and a little ironic. Because you remember doing this to him back when you still hate him,

The man you once hated.

“WHY’RE YOU GUYS ARE BEING SO EMOTIONAL THIS EARLY?? I CAN’T-”

Yamamoto cut off his own sentences and ran towards yours and Suna’s direction and hugged you two. And then one by one, everyone else inside the room started hugging you and started forming a group of hugs.

It takes a while for Fukunaga, Taichi and Aone to pester Kenma, Shirabu and Kyoutani to hug you but they did. Cause they also think you did nothing wrong and doesn’t need to apologize,

Is now the man you cared for dearly.

“Has everyone finished changing into grad clothes?”

You heard your homeroom teacher say from the outside of the backstage as all of you let go of the hug before looking at you, every single one of them while having a small smile on their face.

A quiet sigh escaped your lips as you wipes out the tears that had fallen before mirroring their smiles back,

“Let’s go,”

“And I hope…”

Shirabu stopped in his reading, steading his breath a bit as his eyes started watering, much to his dismay and continued on quietly and shakily,

“...we all can meet again in the nearest future,”

Everyone clapped their hands loudly as Taichi hugged Shirabu while guiding him back to the bench. You can see everyone you had met before, from the teachers of the whole academy, a few retired teachers that make it to the ceremony, to the old 6th years who were once your seniors and all of your juniors from 5th year.

They’re all here, to celebrate all of your 6 years of being here together. You bite back the tears but it’s no use as it falls down on it’s own.

Bokuto and Konoha cheered from their seats while Washio just lightly clapped his hand along with Yukie and Kaori. Miss Mochizuki, who’s sitting next to you all too clapped her hands while fanning herself from the tears that escaped.

The principal, too, is clapping his hands and even shows a small smile on his face no matter how strict he is. It all felt so heartwarming but it doesn’t stop the pain in your heart that you’ll be separating after this and going back home…

‘Going back home…’ that mere thought echoed through Suna’s head as he can feel like he’s the only one there, in the darkness. His mouth is turned into a straight line as his thought was suddenly interrupted by Atsumu, who’s now sobbing while leaning against his shoulder,

“Sunaaaaa, I’ll miss you! Don’t forget me okay??”

“Geez, yeah I won’t,” he hiccuped, “forget you, idiot,”

“Yeah, do you even think he would do that?” Ginjima said on his right, wiping away his tears and putting on a small smile while biting his lips, “Of course you won’t right?”

The brunette laughed before hugging them, along with Osamu whose breath is ragged from the excessive crying he did,

“It’s hard to forget you all anyway, so I won’t, we’ll see each other again, and that’s a promise,”

He patted their backs as his eyes wandered around the crowd to his classmates, and friends from other classes and then,

Suna caught your eyes, staring at him back. Both of you give each other a smile and nodded,

That’s a promise.

The sound of the train engine can be heard miles away as Suna covered his ears at the loud sound, chewing his cake. They packed some of the food from the graduation party to be eaten inside the train since it’s going to be a long ride before they separate at the main town hall.

Smokes came up from the top as the conductor gave them a welcoming smile, hearing the news of the graduation while briefly congratulating all of them.

You nodded, thanking the conductor before he went back to his spot to let all of you come aboard. Kenma’s the first to go up the staircase as he picked a comfortable spot near the seat railing.

And then, one by one, the others started climbing up the staircase, some of them holding the railing for support until it’s your turn to climb up but stopped near the doorframe of the train.

You look down, making eye contact yet again with Suna before holding your hand out. He briefly snorted and gladly took in as he started going inside the train too. As Eri and Mai finally got into the train, they closed the door before tapping the walls of the it.

The conductor understands the signal and lets out the horn sound coming from the train before starting the journey back to the main town, away from the academy and near to home.

You’re seated comfortably next to the seat railing with Suna next to you. And apparently, only you two. You glared at Atsumu and Osamu when they smirked at you but then your attention at them got cut off,

“So you’re going back home now?”

Suna asked, biting the last bits of his cake before closing his food container and putting it inside his bag,

“Yeah, I had one of the seniors to build me a place to stay when I get back home thankfully,”

“Is that so,”

Then, it’s just silence between you too as you started opening your mouth again,

“Do you want to come with me?”

He froze at that and looks at you with a bewildered look while you just smile at him, “I mean, if you’re comfortable staying with me, it’s fine if you decline-”

“Yeah sure,”

You blinked at his quick response and just sighed, “That’s good,” You fidgeted with your fingers while still holding onto your graduation paper, softening the hard edges before a tap to shoulder breaks you out of your thoughts,

“Hey, [y/n],”

“Yes Suna?”

His breath hitched when he heard you calling his name again, it never gets old and it always make his heart beating a lot louder, “Come closer, there’s something I need to tell you,”

You stare at him for a bit with curiosity, leaning in to his face as the gap between you two is almost non-existent. You hummed, asking what he’s going to say.

And in between that moment, Suna holds up his graduation paper to cover both of your faces and close the gap between his lips and yours. You squealed slightly in the kiss, blushing heavily at the action and just like that, he pulled away with an affectionate smile and red cheeks on his facial features,

“I love you,”