#and he had time to process and come to terms with that before he got vamped

[cliosunshine]

𝐎𝐟 𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬 𝐈𝐈𝐈

Jason Todd x dragon trainer!reader

Summary: after a portal mysteriously opened in your world, setting all of your dragons loose, you must find a way to take them all back home before it's too late and before you catch feelings for a certain cute guy in a red helmet

Warnings: none; jason struggles to come to terms with the fact that you and your dragons might actually be harmless

Word count: 4.0k

A/N: third part, yay! I finally got around to finish it. Now that i have more free time, I hope to write and post chapter four by the end of the year lol

You watched in horror at the gun pointed right in front of Pyro, your beloved albeit extremely chaotic and destructive fire dragon.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” You yelped as you raised both of your hands and fully turned towards Jason, the two of you still on Obsidian’s back and in between two building complexes, “Hood, drop the gun. Now.”

Although you didn’t know him at all, you really didn’t want the vigilante sitting behind you to accidentally get the both of you roasted like rotisserie chickens by Pyro’s fire breath.

He scoffed, clearly agitated, his gun still up in the air. You had never been that close to a weapon in your entire life and oh god was it terrifying. You then remembered he actually had two of them strapped on his thighs and gulped nervously.

“What do you mean he melted your bike?” you asked, trying to dissuade the situation. You noticed how Pyro was eyeing Red Hood with a knowing look and that gave you more reason to believe that they had actually met before.

“That asshole came up to me, tried to fire his stupid flames in my direction and then he had to set my building’s garages on fire, melting my bike in the process,” his exasperated tone made you look away, heat spreading across your face in embarrassment at your dragon’s actions. It was like having another adult telling you about something bad your child had done.

You eventually sighed in defeat, “Can you at least lower your gun? We can talk about his whole ordeal later, but right now you’re scaring him,”

You couldn’t see it, but by the way he began laughing humourlessly you knew he had a baffled look on his face.

“I’m scaring him?”

“Yes, very much so”

A beat passed, but he eventually strapped his gun away, definitely giving the dragon a dirty look.

In the meantime, you began taking your lasso out, ready to stand up. As you did so, Pyro understood what that action meant and bolted away, flapping his burgundy scaled wings faster than you had thought imaginable.

Fuck.

“Obi, go!” That was everything you needed to say to make him begin chasing his buddy. He, too, was frustrated by his out-of-pocket behaviour. As you skimmed through the skyscrapers of the city, you felt Hood’s arms snake up your waist again, squeezing you gently. You could feel his gloved fingers twitching against the fabric of your sweater as you leaned forward and planted your hands in between your dragon’s horns, making him fly faster.

It was a tiring game of cat and mouse, but with all the times you had to retrieve Pyro back at home, you were pretty confident in yours and Obsidian’s abilities.

As predicted, the fire dragon’s erratic and impulsive nature led him to an enclosed area, where it seemed the nearest exit for him was by your right. As if sensing it too, Obsidian repositioned himself, so that his wing span could block the exit in its entirety.

Jason watched you as you took the glowing lasso in your hand.

His eyes followed your every move and they widened when you suddenly got up on your feet, your stance incredibly stable for someone who had to balance on a breathing and flying creature that was all scales and ridges, with no flat surface to stabilize themselves on.

“I’m sorry for doing it with you here, too,” you apologised with a focused look toward your target. Jason could only nod as he admired you, his own raging thoughts that were previously aimed at the dragon completely dissipated at the sight of you looking like an off-duty Amazon. The fierce look on your face was something you reserved only to the dragons that were acting out and he hoped to never be on the receiving end of it. It was completely juxtaposed to the very sweet and playful disposition you had shown thus far and he didn’t want the light-hearted banter between the two of you to cease just yet. He still didn’t know whether to trust you or not: this whole situation seemed too ridiculous to be true, yet here you were, swinging your lasso with incredible agility as you remained calm and focused.

If Jason had blinked, he would’ve missed it.

You threw the hoop over the dragon’s head and it swiftly slipped on his neck. Only then did Jason notice how small his head was when compared to the other dragons he had seen. The lack of spikes and red eyes made this one look so uncanny and terrifying that he would’ve been scared if he wasn’t still pissed off about his bike.

“Gotcha,” you put the rope in Obsidian’s mouth and sat back down, careful where to put your feet since you had a guest now.

“I’m sorry about Pyro,” you began to apologize to Jason, who could only look at you, “he’s very impulsive and may or may not have incredible anger issues, which isn’t rare for dragons to have but his are atrocious,”

Jason hummed, his mind elsewhere. That lasso looked too much like Diana’s for his own liking, but he decided not to question it whilst mid-air on your extremely protective dragon’s back.

The ride back was peaceful and you managed to coax some of your more mild-tempered overgrown puppies to follow you. They truly did resemble dogs, those ones, with their tails wagging side to side and curiously eyeing Jason.

So, from what he figured by analysing the situation and these creatures, he just had to have the worst luck in the entire universe to meet and irate the deranged and feral one.

He huffed a laugh that seemed to turn your gaze onto him.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothin’,” he shrugged, “just thinking about how, out of all the Tolkien-esque creatures you have, I had to piss off the clearly mentally unstable one”

You shushed him, a mix of shock and amusement in your face.

“Don’t talk about Pyro like that! He’s a troubled boy…he’s been through a lot and is still recovering,” you said as you looked towards him: he was now engaging in a one-sided game of tug war with Obi, who was clearly not having none of it by the way he puffed smoke in the younger dragon’s face as a warning.

You could only huff, some strands of hair on your face lifting up in the process.

It didn’t even feel like Jason was flying above Gotham’s skyline. With the easy conversation and the effortless way you were talking with him, he eased up as if the two of you were just taking a stroll in a park, like you had just done moments ago.

Before he knew it, you had reached the manor and hopped off Obsidian’s back.

There, all of the people residing in it were in the garden, watching the two of you approach them. Alfred’s eyes widened ever so subtly and Jason barked out a laugh as he took his helmet off and walking up to him.

“Hey, Alfred, I’m sorry but those guys there have destroyed half of your topiary,” he said as he rested a hand on the older man’s shoulder.

“I see,” said the butler with a slightly unamused look on his face, “I hope you successfully retrieved every ingredient for Goliath’s compress. Master Damian hasn’t stopped blaming himself for his skin rash since your departure,”

“I’ve got everything I need, Alfred!”

The two men turned around at the sound of your voice. You had just finished talking to Bruce, informing him that only two dragons were left to catch and that they would eventually follow the scent of the pack and come back without a fuss.

“Very well then, miss,” and with that you approached Damian, who was petting and consoling a rather shy and trembling Goliath, clearly agitated by whatever he was looking at behind your back.

You followed his gaze and laughed as you saw 14 dragons staring back with great curiosity and caution at the big ball of red fur. Now that he thought about it, Goliath sure was a strange dragon: he was significantly smaller than any of yours and was covered in bright red fur, whereas all you dragons sported muted colours and had scaled bodies, more often than not adorned with spikes.

You cooed at him, getting closer at the creature. Managing to crush every ingredient into a green mush, you began to delicately massage it over his worse spots.

Clearly spooked by the cold mixture, Goliath growled at you, snapping his wide mouth mere centimetres from your face and making you jump in surprise.

Before you could apologise and try to calm the dragon down, Obsidian lunged at him with a roar as he pinned the supposed threat to the ground, not letting him go. He puffed smoke in his face, never quite spewing flames out of his mouth. Jason was on alert right away as was everybody else. Even the other dragons grew tense as the watched the scene unravel: some seemed to growl at Goliath with the same protective instinct Obsidian had, whilst others grew shy and retreated behind some of the bigger ones.

“Get your dragon in check, Y/N,” Jason warned, his eyes never leaving the scene in front of him.

He understood why Obsidian lunged at Goliath like that, but he’d be damned before he saw Damian’s most beloved pet get torn to pieces right in front of him.

“What do you think I’m doing?” you quipped back, clearly as agitated as everyone else. Jason almost felt bad for snapping at you, but he truly didn’t know what your intentions were yet and he surely wasn’t going to take any chances.

Everybody watched you carefully as you approached the dragon, whispering something in his ear before Obsidian let go of Goliath’s neck and lowered his head at you. From where they were standing, it seemed like he was almost apologetic.

The more distance grew between Obsidian and Goliath as he retreated back to the rest of the pack, the more everybody, including Jason, seemed to visibly relax.

Here he found another reason not to trust that creature.

You returned your ministrations on Goliath who was still eyeing you warily but let you treat him nonetheless.

Clearing his throat, Damian thanked you before beginning to make his way back to the cave.

“Wait-“ you put and arm out, trying to stop them from walking away so suddenly, “I know that wasn’t the best first impression from Obi. I apologise, but he was just doing what he thought was right at the moment.”

Damian only nodded and Jason raised his brows in surprise at a lack of snarky response from the boy.

“I don’t know where you found him, but Goliath certainly isn’t like any types of dragons I had ever seen before…if you want to, he can come closer to my pack so that they can introduce themselves.”

Damian scanned your face for any signs of malice behind your proposition but after not being able to find any, he accepted. He tried to conceal his excitement at getting his beloved pet to make friends and know more about his kind, but the whole family was quick to catch onto that.

Bruce put a reassuring hand on Damian’s back and encouraged him to walk over them.

One by one, you introduced the dragons to everyone. The light coming from a garden lamp nearby made the creatures less menacing as they looked around curiously, taking in their new surroundings. Helios, the wind dragon and a bunch of other ones where actually pretty chill and very friendly, so much so that they let everybody pet them. Dick appreciated that greatly as he nearly flung himself at a smaller dragon, hugging it. You explained that was a wyvern and her name was Quartz.

“What’s up with their names?”

You looked at Stephanie as you pet Obsidian’s ears, “Oh, we just decided to stick with names that represented either their appearance or abilities,” you explained, “Obi’s completely black, Helios can manipulate and generate wind, Pyro can spew flames out of his mouth-”

Jason grumbled at that, crossing his arms on his chest.

He was the only one who hadn’t gotten closer to the flock. Even Bruce leaned curiously near one of your more relaxed and friendly creatures, not coming too close and definitely analysing its strengths and weaknesses.

Jason scanned his eyes on the scene, before his gaze locked onto yours.

You had a small smile on your lips, your expression unreadable. Were you sizing him up? Were you silently mocking him?

He didn’t like how worked up he got about what you could think of him. He never cared about what other people thought, so why on earth was he now inching closer and closer towards you and Obsidian?

The black dragon only side-eyed him before returning his attention back to Goliath, who was sniffing and ogling his scaled cheeks in interest. Besides him, Damian was talking you ear off about the ice cave he found him in while on a mission.

You nodded with a smile on your face.

“They seem to love them”

You chuckled, “They love the attention and chin scratches, that’s what they love,”

In the distance, you could hear some sirens wailing through the city’s streets.

“Isn’t this whole dragon problem going to mess up your work?”

Jason shrugged, “Not really. All the bad guys that we could get are already in GCPD’s station. If not, they helped scare everyone off, making them barricade in their homes”

Obsidian huffed and you laughed.

“He really doesn’t like me, does he?”

You shook your head in agreement with a laugh.

“He’s just wary of all men. He doesn’t have anything against you, really,” you explained reassuring him, but the way the black dragon was almost mocking him with his challenging eyes told him otherwise.

Jason kept his mouth shut for your sake.

The temperature had dropped significantly and the chilly night seemed to have seeped into everybody’s bones. When you spoke, a cloud of breath vapor came out of your parted lips.

As if one cue, Alfred ushered everybody inside, ignoring their complaints and their claims to be perfectly fine through clattering teeth.

“What about them?”

Bruce glanced back at you and Jason. The dragons were huddled up by your side and were showing signs of sleepiness by drooping their heads.

“We can’t let them out here, B,” interfered Jason, looking at his father, “who knows what sort of crazy stories will circle out tomorrow if they see the very creatures that reigned terror in Gotham the night prior, all cozied up in Wayne manor?”

Bruce gave him a pointed look before composing himself, “they will stay at the batcave with Goliath. I’ve already initiated the dragon protocol when you were gone.”

After tucking your dragons to bed (and after reassuring Obsidian that just one night of not sleeping by your side won’t actively kill him), Alfred showed you the suite guest room before leaving you to yourself. The others had already bid their goodnights and you also met two more members of the vigilante ‘family’, if you could call it that. Oracle and Signal were friendly and showed interest in your occupation, making you promise to introduce them to the flock tomorrow morning.

But now, tossing and turning in your bed after a nice hot shower, sleep didn’t seem like an option for you.

You huffed, clearly frustrated by the weird feeling of emptiness and anxiety that sat heavy in your chest, before completely giving up on getting a nice night of sleep and getting up.

Only clad by a pair of long pyjamas kindly given to you by Alfred, you silently made your way out of your room and into the hallway. The goal was to reach the kitchen to get a glass of water, but as you passed the living room, something outside the large patio windows caught your attention.

It was the broad figure of someone sitting on one of the benches outside. You could barely make out their features due to the lack of lighting, but the familiar green glow you had spotted earlier on was a dead giveaway.

“Can’t sleep?” you ask Hood once you made your way outside and stopped by his right.

He only hummed in response, not glancing up from the ground. He was wearing dark grey sweatpants and a black hoodie with the hood up. His hands were inside the hoodie’s pockets and he sat slightly crouched, like he wanted to make himself smaller.

You tilted your head in curiosity at that.

“Can I sit here? I can’t catch a single ounce of sleep, too,”

He hummed once more, not bothering again to give you a proper answer. You sat down next to him, keeping your distance as you leaned back and gazed up at the sky. You noticed how warm and slightly stuffy it actually was in your room now that you were out here and a light breeze ran past you, raising goosebumps on your cheeks.

You stayed in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Hood decided to speak up.

“Can I ask you something?”

You turned to him, unable to read his expression and nodded.

“Where did you get that lasso?”

It took you a moment to unfog your mind before you realized what he was referring to. Diana’s lasso.

You shrugged, “It was a gift from a very dear friend of mine,” you answered casually, looking at the man next to you, “Why do you ask?”

He didn’t reply immediately, instead he settled for looking at you as if trying to determine whether you were telling the truth or not, his gaze boring right to your side. He decided on the former and sighed, “I’ve seen that lasso before. Everybody here knows that it belongs to one person and one person only-”

“-Diana Prince?”

You saw the way his eyes widened like saucers and chuckled to yourself, “What? You know her, too?”

He took off his hood, an incredulous look on his face, “Everybody knows her! She’s Wonder Woman, for god’s sake, who doesn’t?”

You shrugged again, feigning ignorance on the matter, “All I know is that one day I happened to help a young Amazon out with her jet and taught her how to ride on Obsidian and before she left, she gifted me her lasso,” you explained with a small smile on your face, “she said it would be the only thing that could possibly be able to keep an animal as cunning as a dragon at bay, and wouldn’t you like to know, it’s true!”

The look on Hood’s face was causing you to let another laugh out but you contained yourself. There were clearly gears turning in his head and you patiently waited for the next question you knew was to follow.

The man ran a hand across his face, now fully alert and frustrated with this new piece of information he was provided with.

“But- How did she- …You know?”

“Beats me,” you say sincerely, shaking your head in your own disbelief, “she said she was on a mission with her team someplace near their headquarter that apparently is in space? I was so confused but decided not to prod her on that. She was distressed but told me a portal opened, just like the one I came here in,” you rubbed your neck as you tried to remember what Diana had told you many years ago.

Your eyes lit up as a memory resurfaced. Hood straightened up immediately.

“She said some doctor or professor was trying to prove the string theory was real and went mad? I don’t remember the name, but she said it was someone her team had been dealing with on a regular basis…what was his name,” you looked up to the sky with a pout, as if hoping the stars would give you the piece of information you were missing.

“Was it Mr. Freeze?” Hood began asking, nearly at the edge of the bench with how much he got worked up in such a small window of time, “Or maybe doctor Death? – he was probably in Arkham when the first incident happened though – What about Professor Milo-”

You jumped as you clasped your hands in recognition, “Yes, that one! Milo!”

Hood looked relieved but then his face fell again, “Milo’s been dead for the past three years,” he huffed out, crossing his arms on his chest and leaning back.

“Oh…maybe someone who would continue his legacy or that had the same manic tendencies? Maybe someone who could dwell in sorcery of some kind?”

He seemed to contemplate your words with a slight nod, “I’ll look into it tomorrow after I tell B and the rest”

You muttered an ok and silence fell again between you once more.

“So, you’re not planning on attacking us with your flock of dragons?”

You laughed right at his face as you leaned back, holding your stomach, “You sure are a funny guy, Hood,” you said with a smile, “if those really were my intentions, the city would have been reduced to ashes hours ago.”

He nodded once, “Good, ok…”

“Come on, you can ask me whatever question has been bugging you from the moment I first stepped foot in this place,” you encouraged him, tilting your head to the side.

He seemed to hesitate before he turned to you with a sheepish smile, “It’s just that- you know…dragons? Really? They seem like they shouldn’t even exist with the way they look! – no offence to them or you for that matter, but-”

“What about Goliath?”

“Goliath’s different. He’s way smaller, for starters, but he was also found by Damian during one of his missions, when he came across a tomb of some ancient kings…he’s family, and he really acts like an overgrown puppy,”

You hummed in agreement, “And you think my babies are too feral and only capable of destroying everything they touch?”

“…Yes?”

“If you just hate Obsidian and Pyro you can say so, you know. I won’t get offended; I know they’re a handful.”

The man puffed out his cheeks as he looked away, “I’m still mad about my bike, that’s all…and your dragon is a jerk-”

You gasped at that.

“No, he’s not! Is he very territorial and does he hate all men that come too close to him? Yes, but look at you! You managed to get on his back,” you exaggerated stupor with your hands, “No man’s ever managed to do that before, just so you know,” you smiled playfully as you nudged him with your shoulder, “if anything, I think you can’t stand each other because you two have the same temperament.”

“I am nothing like that moron of a dragon-”

“Stop calling Obsidian names!”

“I’m not calling him anything. I simply deal in facts.”

You snorted at that. The chilly breeze that covered your body in goosebumps was seemingly forgotten as you shook your head in disbelief at his word.

Laugher was shared and the tension on Hood’s shoulders seemed to subdue the more you spent talking out there in the cold.

Another chill ran through you that you couldn’t ignore and you quickly got up, “I’m freezing my ass off here. I’m sorry, Hood, but I must go back before I die of hypothermia-”

“Jason.”

You stilled as if you got struck by lightning. With your mouth still open, you managed to mutter out a Sorry what? To the amused man sitting in front of you.

“My name. It’s Jason. You can drop ‘Hood’…we were keeping our names private in case you had heard of us from somewhere,”

“Oh, yeah. Right, Jason- Uhm, I’m Y/N”

“I know that, you told me back at the botanic garden,”

“Ah, yes,”

You didn’t know why, but knowing Jason’s name sent you into short circuit for a minute. You didn’t expect him to do such a thing, yet again you mulled over how many things didn’t go as expected in just a single night, so you silently accepted it.

“You want to join me on the couch? We can drink some tea and watch something on the tv to pass time?”

His only response was a nod with a smile and you both stepped back inside the manor, now knowing something more about each other.

[lunaroseblake]

Adrenaline - Chapter 9 'Relief'

Summary: Zayne is trying to cope and you're finally awake.

I hope you've all got your tissues ready for this one!

It had been two days since your operation, well technically three if you counted today but it had been the longest few days that Zayne had ever known. He hadn’t gone home just incase something happened to you, thinking that at least if he was at the hospital then he could help if the need came about. He’d slept in his office, though what little sleep he did manage to get was plagued with nightmares causing slight dark circles to form beneath his eyes. The staff areas were equipped with showers at least and he did have a couple changes of clothes in his office for incidents such as this one, plus the cafeteria did offer a range of decent meals, so he didn’t really see the point of going home for now, only wanting to stay by your side and make sure that you were safe.

When your friends had visited however, he had stepped aside and left them their own privacy with you, also apologising to Rafayel and Xavier for how he’d been after your surgery and formally introducing himself, even if they already knew who he was. They’d taken it all in stride, deciding to not hold anything against him as they could only imagine what he’d been through whilst operating on you. Every visitor that had come had brought you get well gifts and flowers, Rafayels bouquet being the most extravagant of them all but as they weren’t allowed in the ICU, Zayne had placed them all in his office and tended to them until they would be able to go with you in to your own room when you were moved out of intensive care.

You’d been kept fully sedated for the first day to allow your body to come to terms with all of the trauma it had sustained before staff began to lower the dosages, leaving you on the painkillers and letting your body decide when it was going to wake you up, all under the watchful eye of Zayne. He’d fully expected you to stay on the ventilator for a few more days but you continued to exceed his expectations when earlier that morning it was deemed your lungs were working well enough for you to try and breathe on your own. He’d been with you when it happened and you would need to be closely monitored but as he had no plans whatsoever for the rest of the day he was more than happy to sit by your side as he took your hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. Your skin still felt a little cooler than normal but it was to be expected since as you weren’t moving around “I’m here.” He said softly, giving your vitals a quick check over and listening to the sound of your slow but steady breaths.

Heeding Greysons advice he had decided to take some time off, taking a step away from doing any surgery as he knew he wasn’t in the best frame of mind for that and wouldn’t be for a little while. He still did some paperwork and answered emails however, but the more hands on side he left down to Greyson, needing some time to properly process what he’d been through. Getting himself more comfortable he placed a book on to his lap with his hand that wasn’t holding yours and flicked through the pages until he got to his marker. He only managed to read a few pages before a notification dinged on his phone, a reminder. With everything that had happened, he had completely forgotten that he’d managed to get a booking for a restaurant you’d been dying to go to, the wait time for a free space being over a month. He was going to surprise you with it, a nice romantic candlelit dinner which may or may not lead to more afterwards.

He gave a light sigh as he closed his book, turning to look at your still form, the bruising you had was more prominent now, the days having let the full colours of blue and purple bloom across your skin“Y/N, will you do me a favour? “ His voice was quiet “I need you to wake up…” He knew it was going to take time but he wanted more than anything to see your eyes open, his heart felt like it was in a vice at not being able to do anymore for you at the moment and he hated that fact. He would only feel relief when he knew you were awake “Please wake up Y/N…” He pleaded almost imperceptibly. He knew that there was a possibility you may have some brain damage after being without oxygen for a short while when clinically dead, but the scans so far were hopeful.

He absentmindedly rubbed small circles on the top of your hand with his thumb, his anxiety of questioning his own actions beginning to creep back in to him, questioning himself as to whether he’d done absolutely everything he could to help you. He felt the overwhelming sadness run through him once more and he had a hard time fighting to keep his tears at bay. He didn’t think he’d ever cried so much in his life as he had in these past few days, it just made it that much clearer to him the depth of the feelings he held for you “Wake up… Please wake up soon Y/N…” It was silent for a short while as he managed to calm himself back down, though he never let go of your hand, needing to know you were there, a lifeline he was clinging on to.

“Z… Zayne?” It had been so quiet, your voice weak enough that he almost put it down to his imagination before he felt the smallest twitch of your fingers against his hand and he felt his heart falter slightly when he glanced towards your face and saw that your eyes were open. “Y/N?” He almost didn’t believe it, that you were awake before him, he’d stood before he even knew it sending the book he’d been reading flying across the floor as he kept ahold of your hand and he nearly couldn’t contain the flood of relief that went through him as he smiled. Your eyes were still slightly glazed over in confusion as they tried to focus on his face “I’m here Y/N, I’m here.” He gently stroked your cheek as he watched your eyes become clearer.

You felt like you hadn’t had a drink in an eternity, your mouth and throat drier than a desert as you focused on the man in front of you “You’re crying…” You croaked out and Zayne laughed, even though you were still coming to terms with everything that was going on, a dim thought in your mind told you that it was one of the most beautiful sounds you’d ever heard. “Because I’m happy, I’m so so happy you’re awake Y/N” He leaned over, placing a gentle kiss to your forehead and you saw the way his shoulders shook slightly as more tears rolled down his cheeks “Zayne, it’s okay…” You wanted to sound comforting, but your throat was that dry it was more a breathless, scratchy, crackle of a sound. You began to move your arm that wasn’t currently being held hostage by Zaynes hand but frowned when you found some restraint.

Glancing down you saw your arm in a sling, confusion only settling in further “What happened?” You were trying to desperately clear the cobwebs from your mind away as you turned your head to Zayne who had taken his seat once more and was pouring out a glass of water. He hesitated before speaking “What’s the last thing that you can remember?” You closed your eyes trying to sort through the hazy images that were flickering in and out of your grasp “I was… With Xavier, we… I had pancakes?” It was so hard to remember, everything was a blur and it was draining what little energy you had.

A glass of water was held out in front of your lips “Here, small sips only” He tilted the cup enough that you were able to take little sips of the water, watching to make sure you didn’t take too much. The relief was immediate, the cool water soothing your dry throat and you could have easily downed the whole glass if it weren’t for Zayne restricting your intake. Placing the glass down he waited patiently to see if there was anything else you could recall.

As your mind ever so slowly cleared, memories were getting easier to grasp on to “We went to find where the metaflux fluctuations were coming from and then…” Something shiny reflected in the corner of your eyesight and it was like putting the last puzzle piece in to place. With a click, everything came flooding back. The attack, Rafayel, the wanderer, blood, so much blood, people shouting, alarms blaring and the sound of your heart stopping. Everything was coming back thick and fast and you began to hyperventilate so much so that the monitor next to you burst in to a barrage of alarms, it hadn’t been a nightmare, it had all been very very real “Y/N! Y/N calm down, you’re okay, everything is okay, look at me, you’re safe okay? You’re safe” He soothed you gently, having quickly moved so he could take your face between his hands, getting you to look at him as he began to take deep breaths getting you to copy him doing so. “Deep breaths, you’re alright, I’m here, everything’s okay.”

A nurse had hurried over hearing the alarms but Zayne didn’t pay any attention to her, solely fixed on you and trying to calm your breathing. It took a few seconds for you to get yourself breathing steadily again, though your chest was pounding, your fragile heart hammering against broken ribs making you wince “It… Hurts…” You managed out through breathless pants and Zayne gave a nod to the nurse who went to fetch some more painkillers. “I know snowflake, I know, keep breathing slowly for me” He gently placed his hand over where the incision on your chest was, letting his cool touch soothe the wounds beneath. You closed your eyes at the feeling, calming yourself down more until your heart rate returned to something resembling normal.

Zayne watched as the nurse came back and gave you more painkillers, making sure not to give you too much as he moved to take a seat again, gently taking your hand once more as he did so “You need to be careful Y/N, you’ve suffered a lot of damage and it’s going to take a while for you to recover” You breathed slowly, trying to take in what Zayne was saying but your mind was going back to the last thing you fully remembered, Rafayel telling you to look at the sunset with him and you thinking you wished Zayne were there with you before it had all gone dark. “I died…” It wasn’t a question but Zayne gave a solemn nod anyway. He squeezed your hand gently and hesitated before deciding to fill in the rest of the blanks for you “The trauma you sustained from being hit was immense Y/N” He blocked out the memories of seeing the awful state your chest had been in when you’d arrived here “Paramedics were able to resuscitate you before you were flown here, you needed blood transfusions after the amount you’d lost.” He made sure that you wanted him to continue and after a slight pause you nodded your head, you wanted to know what happened, needed to know.

“When you arrived your were still critical, your blood pressure was too low that we took you immediately to surgery” He had to remind himself that you were alive in front of him, that he wasn’t dreaming as the images of you being dead before him flashed to the forefront of his mind “You flatlined again on the operating table, I saw your heart stop Y/N… I thought I’d lost you…” You could see his eyes glisten with the threat of unspilt tears and it made your heart break to see him so upset and worked up. You managed to lift your hand enough to gently caress the side of his face and smiled at him “Zayne… I’m here aren’t I? You saved me” He turned his head slightly so he was able to press a kiss to your palm, keeping your hand held close to him as though he was afraid you were going to disappear.

You remained silent in each others company for a while, him not quite believing that you were finally awake, and seemingly fine enough that you were able to remember what happened, and you, feeling tired, sore and guilty that you had put Zayne through that experience before remembering something else, guilt slamming in to you some more “I’m sorry I missed our date…” You were slightly taken aback when Zayne laughed again and you made a silent promise to yourself that you would do whatever you could to keep him happy and smiling as he was now “Oh my little snowflake, you can miss a thousand dates if it means I get to see you alive and well everyday.” You felt heat rise to your cheeks at that, which only caused Zayne to smile more at seeing your blush before he leant forward towards you, the cool skin of his forehead gently touching yours.

You brought your hand up to his cheek again “I’m so sorry Zayne” And you meant it, sorry for missing your date, for not being strong enough to hold on, twice, for causing him all that pain and suffering. You felt his lips brush against yours “You have nothing to be sorry for” He whispered before pressing a sweet kiss to your lips “Though please… Don’t EVER let me see you like that again, I’m not sure I’d be able to handle it.” You kissed him again, a light peck before pulling away slightly “I’ll try not to Doctor, I wouldn’t say being like this is something I want to get used to” You teased lightly before frowning. Lifting your hand, you gently moved to trail your fingers along the dark circles beneath his eyes “When was that last time you slept?”

Zayne quirked his eyebrow at you “You’ve just had major heart surgery, were clinically dead and you’re worried about me?” You stayed silent, giving him a pointed look, waiting for him to answer and he sighed in slight exasperation. “Don’t worry about me Y/N, I’ve had less sleep when I was studying to become a doctor. What you need to focus on now is getting yourself better. Doctors orders.” You pouted slightly at that though you could feel the tiredness begin to take hold again. The pain medication had gradually begun kicking in, turning the pain in your chest in to a dull throb and making you drowsy.

Zayne saw how you were trying to fight off the way your eyelids were getting heavier as he moved his hand to gently stroke through your hair, knowing it made you sleepy when he did. He gently pressed a kiss to your forehead as he listened to your breathing slow from being relaxed as sleep began to claim you “Rest my love.” He murmured quietly, finally able to feel at peace knowing that you were going to be okay.

[hyog-blog]

This is so on point! And I believe ZYZ is actually heavily traumatized, psychologically, by everything that's happened. Losing Li Lun was bad enough (and causing him, unwillingly, deathly damage, like, he didn't even have the time to process it when Li Lun took off all hurt and burning with anger and the sheer betrayal of it all).

Mentally they were totally in their teens, with ZYZ being somewhat better in terms of emotional intelligence (in my headcanon) because he must have spent more time in the human realm, picking up on various things and coping mechanisms (or lack of them, but he could still witness and learn from humans how to deal with emotional stuff).

I assume he pretty much lost it and spiraled into depression long before the blood moon came, it just amplified that inner conflict that he had, just like the OP has described so well, leading to all those murders. But his personality, his sane self simply couldn't process it all upon coming back from that brink of darkness, hence he shoved it all away (along with Li Lun who became a living symbol of what he did, of him losing himself to the darkness).

ZYZ actually seriously started thinking that after he had done all he could do was only die, so he planned and seeked death willingly, specifically, painfully so. Like no amount of remorse could ever grant him the absolution for what he had done. And Li Lun, while being part of the whole thing, certainly became a much lesser issue in the grand scale of things (because ZYZ simply didn't want to live any longer, so why even bother making amends with his lover? Especially when he thought he didn't deserve to be forgiven). And as I see it, even if Li Lun saw reason earlier and came to him as a friend or at least as a former lover, it wouldn't have made any difference.

For ZYZ keeping any kind of relationship with Li Lun made no point at that exact moment - he'd be dead soon anyway. That, and he probably didn't have any mental capacity to be that ray of light that could bring Li Lun from the darkness he was facing himself. They simply couldn't be that for each other in that particular situation, and after everything that's happened. And Li Lun certainly didn't understand ZYZ and his motivation, or his deathwish, wallowing in his own pain and grief.

Even HMH said in his interview that Zhao Yuanzhou was constantly depressed - and this is something we can all understand. And he was depressed up to the point of getting suicidal - he didn't do it himself just because he couldn't (he wanted to stop this whole malicious energy vessel thing from happening ever again, ignoring the fact that was the natural cycle of things in that particular Universe they are living in). So he was intent on both dying and at least somehow fixing the world while he was at it [if I'm remembering the canon correctly.]

I mean, psychologically, it's an actual miracle he even got to feel some happiness, or something other than total despair and deathwish. And we have to thank Wen Xiao and Zhuo Yichen for that. Because Li Lun wouldn't have been able to do that for him, he was too much like him in a way. So it took one unapologetically human and open-hearted and forgiving Zhuo Yichen to heal him at least a little bit. And one caring, loving, accepting, and gentle, and humorous Goddess to heal him some more. And a bunch of cute kids. And being able to help someone, care for someone, bringing a new meaning to his whole existence. His healing arc is a topic for a whole different essay, but yeah))

Thank you OP, it's so pleasing to read such a beautiful analysis.

Zhao Yuanzhou is certainly a character with many flaws, but I see him in the situation with Li Lun not so much as cruel as weak.

He was also a teenager, like Li Lun, only a soft-hearted naive idealist. When his naive world collapsed, it shook him to the point of essentially a psychotic breakdown and a split personality. Because I am strongly convinced that the story with the ever burning wood and the red moon is not the cause, but a metaphor for what happened between them.

When Li Lun committed an act of aggression, the adults said that Li Lun should be isolated - and Zhao Yuanzhou obeyed the adults, because he is actually a very driven person. But his soul still could not accept this situation. And so in his breakdown, he killed the goddess - who had just imprisoned Li Lun.

And then he destroyed the Demon Hunting Bureau. Because well ... the subconscious, having entered into an aggressive rage, does not conduct an investigation and distinguishes who is right and who is guilty. He sees a sign that says "demon hunters" and takes out all his unexpressed anger on them, both for the demons in the clinic's cages and for Li Lun.

But then he woke up with blood on his hands, and after that, even thinking about Li Lun became unbearable. Because now Li Lun is not just a loved one who made a mistake. Li Lun is now his own unbearable guilt, that burning him from the inside.

And in my opinion, this is a fairly accurate metaphor for how the inability to face your own dark side makes you no less dangerous to others than the one who brings his dark side into the world.

All this certainly did not make the situation any easier for Li Lun, who first learned that in the human world, creatures like him are caged like wild animals. And then his closest and most beloved people essentially did the same to him. What meaning can he see in the world after that? And empathy and morality are actually very fragile things, easily dying if the world and your own life cease to have meaning for you.

And for me too, I would like, if not a better ending, then at least more sympathy for Li Lun from the other characters. The most he got in life was recognition that they did not want him to die in the eyes of Zhuo Yichen and Zhao Yuanzhou.

In general, of all the anomaly characters in the drama - Zhuo Yichen, Zhao Yuanzhou, Li Lun, Bai Jiu - only Zhuo Yichen received at least some explanation about how the world works from a respected adult in childhood. And how it changes things!

All the others fell into the world of prejudices, understanding almost nothing about themselves or about humans and immediately got into the most epic troubles.

[deus-ex-mona]

my five surviving braincells when something remotely good happens:

[winepresswrath]

drusilla's canon grandma kink is a thing that can be so charming & unhinged.

[andivmg]

My experience with Luke (Punz)

CW: toxic relationship, racism, dubious consent

I know in the past i said that i would no longer speak about him publicly, and when talking about my experiences with abuse and emotional mistreatment i begged to keep it anonymous but after reflecting on this for a week and seeing so many incredibly smart and strong women tell their stories. they have given me the strength to say his name.

this is really scary to talk about because of the copious levels of harassment i have received from his fans in the past so if this spreads or gets out of hand i will simply log off.

If you read my last post, i nicknamed him 1.

So aside from everything i said there, there were a lot of things i didn’t include because they would’ve made it obvious that it was him and it could potentially backfire on me so, i’m very afraid to post this. but i’m going to do it scared anyway, because it’s not fair that he gets to just go and live his life worry-free as if he didn’t practically ruin mine.

Because I already made a very lengthy post about him, i won’t include everything i said last time to avoid being redundant but if i repeat myself, please bear with me.

In our year long relationship i had to endure emotional neglect, gaslighting, verbal abuse, one instance where there was dubious consent, and much more.

Starting off at the beginning of our relationship, that’s when i was getting copious amounts of hate and harassment from his fan base (warranted or not), he decided that our relationship must be kept private. he said it was to “protect” me from his fanbase when in reality it was to protect himself. it was so he wouldn’t get all the backlash i was getting. this is funny because one of the things i got called out for was saying the B slur (derogatory term used against mexicans/latinos). I won’t get into the nuances of if i could say it or not as a puertorican because that’s discourse that does not pertain to this specific situation. But you know who definitely can’t say it? A white boy from Massachusetts. When i was getting cancelled for this and getting thousands of tweets calling me names, he decided that was the perfect time to say “I mean you are a b***** aren’t you? my little b*****.” Now, he said this completely unprompted. I was in the process of writing my apology and he just said that. I tell you this because i immediately shut him down and told him that there was no universe in which it was okay for him to say that word and especially not one where he could just call me that. While i was reprimanding him, he was smiling and laughing. he apparently found it amusing to call me a slur. regardless, he gave me a half-assed apology and said he wouldn’t do it again. and he didn’t. but this wasn’t the only time he was weirdly racist to me. this was my first time being in an interracial relationship so i was led to believe that this was normal by all the white people around me at the time. But, sometimes my spanish accent would come out and he would make fun of me and the way i pronounced some words. He also refused to visit me in Puerto Rico when i lived there or come meet my family when i really wanted him to because he “didn’t like the heat” or “it’s dangerous there isn’t it?”. Once, while we were watching season 2 of Bridgerton, he implied that the Sharma sisters were “too dark” for him to be attracted to them. This hurt me because they are brown skinned girls. I am a brown skinned girl. Then this, combined with the fact that he told me once he wasn’t attracted to me made me feel like my skin color was unattractive. These are only a few examples i can think of at the moment, but i’m sure there were more. Our relationship ended in 2022 so some of my memory is a bit hazy. But, I do remember feeling inferior to him throughout the relationship because he was white and I was not. I chalk that up to all the micro aggressions i had to deal with because i had never felt that way around white people before.

Another thing i had to endure was him constantly making me feel like he was embarrassed to be with me. Because i was cancelled, he didn’t want to associate with me too much. He did defend me on multiple occasions, I’ll give him that. But, he only did it because his name was getting dragged in the mud along with mine. Excusing my actions made him look better for being around me. In reality he didn’t really care. Because he was such a big content creator and someone i looked up to professionally, I took his advice as law. He told me to tone down my personality, to keep a low profile, to change things about myself to be more palatable to his audience. The same audience that spoke about me like “The pussy can’t be that good punz please stop defending her”. So i changed a lot of things about myself and my content to better suit what his audience liked. He made me feel like if his audience liked me, he would be public about our relationship and stop hiding it. He told me the reason why he wanted to keep our relationship a secret was because he didn’t want to get hate for it. But this wasn’t true. On my 20th birthday he went to Las Vegas for a twitch rivals event. That night i asked to facetime him to say goodnight and he refused because he was at a hotel room with his friends and he didn’t want them to know that we were together. It was as if my mere presence or the utterance of my name was a source of embarrassment for him. And he didn’t let me forget it. It wasn’t just a public thing at that point. He didn’t want people to know we were together, period. This was devastating to me because I would talk to all my friends about him. I was so proud to be with him and I was just one more problem to him. He made me feel so small and insignificant just because his fans didn’t like me.

He would berate me a lot. Not just due to getting heat online, although he did do that a lot. But in general whenever we would get into an argument or a disagreement he would always call me names like annoying or weird or stupid. He would raise his voice at me if i did something he didn’t like and call me an idiot. And that really hurt, i felt like i couldn’t bring up anything or do anything without getting insulted. If I hadn’t seen him in a few days because he was too busy streaming and i asked to hang out he would call me needy, clingy, and annoying. Granted, he might not have been wrong, but that is not something you say to someone you claim to love. He also insulted me when i was in depressive episodes. I have BPD and at the time i was not being treated properly for it. So, I was all over the place emotionally and he was what i clung to for validation, reassurance, and love. I talked to him when we first started dating about my disorder and told him that if it seemed like something he couldn’t handle that he could opt out of the relationship. I guess he didn’t think it was that bad or something idk because whenever i had really bad depressive episodes, he would tell me I was too sad to hang out with. He said that my sadness was a burden to him. Which would be fair. But, once my mother had a conversation with him about me. She told him that i am someone who needs a lot of love and caring. She said that if he wasn’t willing to put in that kind of effort into a relationship to just leave me alone. He reassured her that he would be there for me no matter what. He told my mother that he would protect me and my heart. He did not. He took all the warnings I gave him and ignored them and then made me feel like I was the problem. And even worse, he would say that i was pretending to be sad to get his attention when he would neglect for days at a time.

There were also some smaller things like the fact that he made me feel really guilty whenever he would spend money on me. Also, he would be really mean about my eating habits. For context, i used to suffer from an eating disorder. I was anorexic and had a really unhealthy relationship with food during high school and my first year of uni. This relationship began when i was recovering from my ED. For me, eating was really hard. So i had certain comfort foods that, while sometimes unhealthy, at least it was something to eat when i didn’t feel like eating anything. He knew this. Yet, whenever i would crave some of these foods he would call me fat. Constantly told me I’d gain weight from eating all that junk food. Saying that to someone with an eating disorder is crazy. Other smaller things were that whenever I would post tiktoks where i was lip syncing or just looking good he would yell at me and say i was looking for attention. Same with Instagram or Twitter whenever i would post photos where I looked hot. He never planned out a single date for us. I would beg him to get me flowers and he did maybe once but i’ll get into that in a bit. He would make fun of me in front of his friends to make himself look better. He let his friends say really degrading things about me in his presence. For example, once when i was showering, i overheard him on a discord call with George and Sapnap and i heard George say “if you don’t go in the shower and have sex with Andi, i will”. Once, when i was really struggling with my legs (for those of you who don’t know, i have arthritis and it’s very painful. at the time i wasn’t diagnosed but i was in a lot of pain) I literally could not walk. I had to beg him to take me to the ER because i didn’t know what was wrong with me. He didn’t want to take me but eventually i convinced him, and while we were there all he did was complain about how long it was taking and that he would have rather been at home streaming. Whenever I would talk about my interests that i was excited about like shows or books he would be incredibly uninterested and say that those things were stupid and he didn’t want to hear about them. I know all of these seem very silly or superficial but cumulatively it was awful.

Now for arguably the most serious thing i’m going to talk about. I want to preface this by saying i am just telling my side of what happened. You can come to your own conclusions about this.

On April 25, 2022 it was our one year anniversary, and i had made a dinner reservation for us. I expected him to plan something throughout the day for us to do. He told me he was going to spend the whole day playing Valorant so I got upset and cancelled the reservation. After a very heated argument, we calmed down and i asked him to come over. He came over about an hour later with flowers and drinks (I was 20 at the time so I couldn’t buy the drinks myself). He brought Smirnoffs and Trulys. For context, I am a lightweight. I always have been. I literally get tipsy on half a cocktail. And that day, I hadn’t eaten anything because i was in distress over our argument. So we get to talking and drinking. I blacked out after my second Smirnoff. Apparently I drank 3 but I genuinely cannot remember anything after finishing the second one. The next morning i woke up naked in my bed. I woke him up and asked him “Luke, why am I naked?” and he said “Because you didn’t want to put your clothes back on.” When I clarified to him that that was not what I meant, he got defensive and said that he didn’t realize how drunk I was. He proceeded to tell me that I initiated sex with him and that i was very enthusiastic about it. He said he didn’t know i could black out on three smirnoffs. He made fun of me for being a lightweight and continued to make light of the situation. Then he mentioned that i fell off the bed at some point in the night and that it was funny how drunk I was. I then questioned him. Because if he thought that me tripping and falling off the bed because i was so drunk was funny, how did he not know that i was too drunk? He responded by saying that i fell off the bed only after we were done. That day I broke up with him. I’m still really confused about what happened that night. I don’t remember anything and all I have to go on is what he said to me. We were in a relationship at the time and he says he didn’t know how drunk I was so I’m not sure what to call what happened. A while after that day, his friend that hmu while we were broken up and I started talking again and i confided in him about that night. He told me to be careful saying things like that because they could get me into trouble. I spoke to some of our other friends about it and they told me it was no big deal and that it wasn’t his fault that he didn’t know how drunk I really was. Because I don’t remember, I have been led to believe that this is not a serious matter. You can think what you want, come to whatever conclusions you want. That is just my side of the story.

I want to add that I’m not proud of how I acted after the relationship ended. I felt really angry at all the shit he put me through and I guess a part of me wanted him to hurt even a quarter of how I did. So I started talking to his friend and got involved with him. This backfired on me because his friend ended up really hurting me too so ig i got my karma. But the thing that hurt the most is that because of what I did, some of our friends took his side in the break up. I was told that I did something terrible by getting involved with his friend that he was already insecure about and that he didn’t deserve that. These are the same friends who were witness to the dumpster fire of a relationship we had and all the things he did to me. They turned their backs on me because of this one thing I did. But stood by and watched as he treated me like garbage for over a year.

I will conclude this by saying that while this relationship has been “over and done with” for almost two years now, I carry a lot of trauma from it still. I still talk about him in therapy and have had to put in a lot of work to heal from what he did and i still cannot say that i am okay. I am very blessed to now have a patient and understanding partner who has helped me heal from that trauma and i just want to quickly thank him for that. Nobody deserves to go through what I did. While yes, it was a toxic relationship, and I had a part in that, it does not excuse all the awful things he said and did to me. This is my truth, thank you for taking the time to read it.

[activesplooger]

| 𐂂 | 𝐑𝐮𝐭 𝐒𝐳𝐧 | 𝐃𝐨𝐞!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 | 𝐇𝐚𝐳𝐛𝐢𝐧 𝐇𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐥 | 𝐒𝐌𝐔𝐓 | 𐂂 |

𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: FINALLY LMFAO. sorry for the wait i got a wee bit busy and took a break so yeah! here you go. btw i suck at smut! enjoy :]

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Your boyfriend enters his season! He's constantly in heat and stubbornly won't give in to his desires. As his season ends, you enter estrus, causing a hot sticky mess for the both of you!

𝐂𝐖: breeding kink behavior, possessive behavior, p in v sex, no protection, rough sex, idfk horny-ness 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 3,617 𝐒𝐌𝐔𝐓𝐒𝐌𝐔𝐓𝐒𝐌𝐔𝐓𝐒𝐌𝐔𝐓 𝐌𝐃𝐍𝐈!

It was no secret that your boyfriend is in his heat season. This became apparent when you were woken by the screeching sound of antlers rutting against the bark of a tree. You look around, the bluriness of the room fading as you wake up a bit more. Lifting your hands to your face, you rub your eyes and groggily turn towards the noise. Your eyes flicker to the bayou section of Alastor's room. Immediately, your previously groggy state disappears, eyes widening at the sight before you. "KRRRRRRRRK KRRRRRRRK KRRRRK KRRR-" "Alastor!" The scraping comes to a sudden halt as you speak. Alastor still had his back facing you hunched over beside the tree, antlers just barely inches away from the torn bark. Nearly every tree in the bayou was scraped bare of its bark, how long had he been doing this for..? Realization hits you like a truck, "Ooohhhh you're in-" "Not a word. I can control it", The Deer demon curtly states, "Go back to bed." You knew he didn't mean to be dismissive, but that didn't prevent the pang of sadness that tugged your lips downward. "Aren't you gonna come back to bed?" Alastor sighs and turns to face you, his hungry eyes boaring into yours. "Go back to bed, I'll join you later.".

Without a word, you lay back down and sigh, trying to go back to sleep without the embrace of your partner. Alastor’s expression softens, he needed some time to work through his season, he never meant to distance himself in the process.

“Goodnight, darling. I love you.”.

A smile spreads across your face, those three little words were all you needed, “I love you too, sweet dreams.”

—

Despite what the demon said, he was anything but in control of it. Alastor desperately tried to remain celibate the next few weeks of his heat season. Which, confused you because it’s not like you hadn’t had sex before or anything. And while it happens sporadically, this seemed like a good occasion to do it. All he’d have to do to get rid of his pestering urges is to fuck you, yet he remained stubborn. What’s holding him back?

When you asked him, he rambled about something along the lines of wanting his desires to be on “his terms”. In other words, he just wanted control. You rolled your eyes at this. All this trouble because of reluctance to give in to an easy-to-fix solution? ‘Whatever, it’s just a few more weeks of this…’ you thought to yourself. He hated how much he needed release, how much he craved and yearned for it. Alastor needed to be the one to decide when and where he’d want to have sex. However, with his current irresistible urges, he needed sex everywhere, all the time. As a result of this, Alastor decided it would be best if he slept in a different room for the time being. Which, again, didn't make any sense. Why couldn't he just fuck you and get it done with? But, nooo he had to be in control 24/7, leaving you lonely in the large desolate bed. You never complained, of course, despite how much you wanted to. It was frustrating sure, but, you know what it's like to be in your season so you kept your mouth shut. It had put some strain on your relationship, however, you knew it would only make things worse if you argued with him. He's tense enough already. Besides, it's only a few months out of the year! You can argue for the rest of eternity after said period. --

As time passed, the deer’s strained behavior only worsened. His animalistic instincts were kicking in and intensified. Let’s be honest, Alastor’s hygiene wasn’t the greatest (especially when it comes to dental hygiene). But, it got exponentially worse when he started smearing mud on himself to 'enhance his scent'. You knew it was all typical heat season behavior, but still, gross.

Possessiveness was another unfortunate symptom of the season. If Alastor saw another male just simply looking at you, he’d take it as a challenge. Large black tentacles would stretch out and slam whoever you were with into the nearest wall. And while, yes, it was nice to have a protective boyfriend, it certainly wasn't nice to have a daily hospital visit and apology card to whoever Alastor felt threatened by. Luckily, the season was almost over! No more hiding from Alastor when talking to another guy and having a smelly boyfriend! Yay! Everything seemed to be clearing up on its own... that was until you entered estrus.

—

“No no… Nonono…”. You mutter as you pace around the room. Just as the season was about over, you just had to enter estrus. Great. Now, not only did Alastor have to suppress his urges, you did too. Not because you wanted to, but because you didn’t want to tempt Alastor anymore than he already was.

Facing a large full body mirror, you try to to cover up any possible signs that your in your season. Your tail lays flat against your backside, and while that wasn’t the most obvious trait, you knew Alastor would figure you out easily. Pheromones were being released in heavy doses, a scent that could attract a buck from miles away. Luckily for you, Alastor’s taking a visit to the doomsday district to “Blow off some steam.” Phew.

Frantically rummaging through the closet, you look for something, anything that could hide this for him. You didn’t really have anything large enough to hide your tail, and if you did, the imprint of your tail would stick out of the fabric from the back and make it obvious. Crap.

A spare of Alastor’s coat hangs teasingly against on the other side of your shared closet. Temptation sweeps over you, making you realize just how horny you were. Hesitant hands reach out to grab the soft fabric and lift it up to your nose. ‘Fuck… Am I a pervert? Oh well.’ you think to yourself as you inhale Alastor’s scent through the fabric. Bourbon and vanilla scent hits your nose, sending shivers down your spine.

Suddenly, an idea pops into your head. You slip your arms into the coat and walk towards the mirror. The coat perfectly hid your tail and Alastor’s lingering musk on the fabric masked the scent of your pheromones. For once in your life, being kind of a pervert paid off! __

Currently, you’re sitting at the bar nursing a drink, trying to ignore how badly you want to be fucked so hard your organs rearrange. As far as hiding your physical symptoms went, it was pretty easy. But the internal turmoil was eating you alive, and not in a sexy way. Every position, sound, scenario, and feeling was being conjured in your mind as you sit there “calmly” on the barstool. Your mind was so preoccupied that you didn’t notice Alastor approaching you.

“You know darling, if you liked my clothes so much you could’ve just said so.” The deer jests.

The sudden noise startles you, snapping you out of your thoughts. “AH!” you practically jump out of your seat before realizing it’s just Alastor, “Oh! Hello love. How was the doomsday district?” His shoulders bob up and down, a soft grin on his lips, "It was fine. Very effective. Perhaps I'll be able to join you in bed tonight.". Fuck. If he slept in your room tonight, the coat will have to come off and all will be revealed. "O-Oh! Are you sure? I don't wanna pressure y-" "Nonsense, dear!" The deer interrupted with a smile, "I've had quite enough time away. I'm sure I'll be fine for a night!" "Yes, but, honey... What if your instincts take over?". You hesitantly try to put the thought of not sleeping together in his head. Alastor waves a dismissive hand, "Nonsense, dear! I'll be alright." "Honey, I don't think this is a good idea-" You stated firmly. His smile strains as his eyebrows furrow, "Why? Is there something you're hiding from me?". "No I-" "Have you grown accustomed to sleeping without me?" he accused. "No, no... Al," you reluctantly begin, "I'd love to sleep beside you again... I just wanted to be sure you were okay with it.". Lies. Well, partly. You did want to cuddle with your partner just... not with the current 'circumstances'. But now you had no choice but to find some way to hide your growing urges and instincts. -- The door shuts behind you as you walk into your room. You feel your heartbeat pick up as your palms start to moisten. 'Deep breaths, Y/N," you think to yourself, 'he won't find out... Just stay calm and act normal.'

The two of you get ready for bed: brushing your teeth (well, you are at least), washing your face, and are currently putting on PJs. You changed in the closet, away from Alastor, which he thankfully paid no mind to. After putting on a lacy nightgown, you hastily throw the coat back over your shoulders. In hindsight, this was definitely a dead giveaway that you were hiding something. But, what choice did you have? Putting on a tranquil facade, you enter the bedroom. Alastor's sitting at the edge of the bed when you walk in, finishing buttoning up his nightshirt. 'Damn, even in pajamas he's still hot as fuck' you think. You ogle at your boyfriend for a moment, heat rising in your chest. "Ah ah, dear, don't look at me like that" He playfully reminds you. His words snap you back into reality, you smile softly at him. "Sorry, sorry!" you stammer. Walking to your side of the bed, you stare directly at the floor as to not get distracted by your growing arousal. 'Keep it together Y/N!'. Alastor's eyebrows furrow, "Darling?". "Yes?" you respond. A sharp red claw gestures to the coat, "Why are you still wearing that?". "Oh!" beads of sweat form on your forehead as you clammer to find some sort of excuse "I justtttt.... get a little chilly at night! Yep, just a case of uh cold-ness... yeah...". 'God damn it... Am I fucking stupid? "Cold-ness" isn't even a word!' you mentally berate yourself. Your boyfriend turns to fully face you on the bed, "And why does it have to be my coat, hm? Can't you use one of yours?". Fidgeting with your hands nervously, you reply, "Well I just like yours! It's nice, it reminds me of you.". "Pray tell, my dear," he begins, "Why must you be reminded of me when I'm right beside you in bed?". You take a deep breath, "Well, in your... 'condition'-". "Watch it, Darling," he warns. "Right right," you sit up straighter as you become more confident in your convoluted excuse, "I just figured you wouldn't be able to handle cuddling me. In fact, you’ll probably just stay on your side of the bed all night. Hence why I wanted the coat". You feel a little prideful at your on-the-spot reasoning… until you see your boyfriend’s expression. Yeahhh, he looked pissed. Alastor's wide grin twitches, "Excuse you, Darling! I am perfectly capable of controlling myself for one night!”. “Well, then why didn’t you sleep in here for a month?!” you retort, immediately regretting it. You weren’t actually mad, just defensive. Oh well, no going back now. "That's it!" He reaches for the sleeve of your coat, pulling on it roughly. "Hey!" you exclaim. Trying (and failing) to yank the sleeve back, the coat flings off your shoulders and into Alastor's tight grip. He discards it on the floor beside the bed. Luckily, he wasn't in a position to notice your tail, however, that didn't affect your boyfriend's sense of smell... Holding his nose high in the air, he takes small quick sniffs near you, his ears twitching at the smell of your pheromones. His pupils dilate to the size of quarters, any restraint he had before was now completely gone, "My dear," He crawls toward you on all fours, making his way across the bed, "I've spent the past few months aching for release, but I've restrained myself...". You inch backward away from him, "Alastor... Be rational... You've tried so hard, I don't want you to regret this.". As soon as you finish speaking, you inch too far off the bed and suddenly fall back, eliciting a yelp. A slender arm reaches out to grab yours, lifting you up and saving you from the fall. Alastor pulls on your arm, lifting you up so that your faces were inches apart. He takes a deep breath in, the scent of pheromones filling his nose. His eyes bore into you with a hungry, desperate, gaze, lips slightly parted as his breath grows heavier. “My dear… I would never regret making love to you… If I did have any regrets, it would be that I didn’t do this sooner…”.

Half lidded eyes meet his lustful gaze, “Your sure about this?”. Alastor’s eyes linger on your lips as he speaks, his voice low and raspy, “I’ve restrained myself for far too long… I would hate to you holding back as well. This has been a long time coming, darling, and now…”. Reaching over, his lips teasingly brush against your ear as he whispers,”I’m taking whats mine.”.

You cradle his face in your hands, thumb brushing over his flushed cheeks. Suddenly, he captures your lips in a firm kiss. The tender kisses turn sloppier, his tongue swiping past your lips asking for entry. As soon as your lips part, his long slender tongue slides against yours. You moan against his lips at the feeling which only fuels his desire more. Intertwining your tongue with his, his hand cards through your hair at the back of your head, pulling you closer. The kiss deepens, drawing out a stifled moan from Alastor. You position yourself so you’re straddling his lap, his boner poking against your thigh.

As the two of you make out, you slowly roll your clothed core against the tent in his pants. Alastor pulls back from the kiss, his head jerking down into the crook of your neck. “Darling,” his large hands grip your hips, keeping them from moving, "I have a better idea...". He lifts his head back up and instantly closes the distance between the two of you. Your tongues intertwine and sloppily kiss one another, your lips lubricated with his saliva.

He moves his hands to the straps of your nightgown. The thin silky straps gently pull off your shoulders. Alastor places his palm under your elbow and pushes up gently, a silent way of asking you to put your arms up. You oblige and lift your arms followed by Alastor briefly breaking the kiss and slipping the nightgown over your head. His eyes rake over your almost naked body. One of his large hands reaches out to cup your breast. The sudden contact sends a shiver down your spine. His thumb brushes over your nipple, the bud hardening at his cold touch. Meanwhile, his other hand travels down your body and hooks his finger under the lacy thong. Stretching the lace strap, a soft hum escapes his lips. Your breath quickens as you eagerly await his next move, needing his touch and release.

Unhooking his finger, he moves his hand to the damp spot on the underside of your thong. A breathy moan escapes your lips, "Fuck, Alastor... Don't tease.". Removing his hands, he holds them up in a gesture of surrender, "Can't handle a bit of foreplay, darling?". "Hush" you reply, your hands working to unbutton his nightshirt. Once unbuttoned, you toss the shirt off to the side and gaze at his toned torso. "See something you like?" he jests. You playfully roll your eyes and get to work on sliding off his pajama pants. Once his pants are off, his aching member frees the confines of the fabric, his tail twitching in anticipation. Alastor shudders at the cold air hitting his throbbing, erect cock. Your gaze tears away from his dick and meets his face. His eyes are half-lidded with a deep shade of pink dusting his cheeks, mouth slightly agape as he pants heavily. "What? Can't handle a bit of foreplay?" you tease.

Alastor's eyebrows furrow, a tight-lipped grin forming on his face, "You know what? No, I can't.". In a swift motion, he grabs you by the waist and tosses you on the bed. As your stomach hits the cold dark red comforter, you make a small "oof!" sound. Alastor's hands slither to both sides of your waist and lift you gently, propping you up on your hands and knees. A slender finger slides against the drenched folds of your pussy, a single digit dipping into your tight center. You let out a soft pleasured gasp at the feeling. As much as you enjoyed this, it only made you crave more. He tantalizingly pulls out his finger and brings it to his lips, sucking your juices off it. Pulling the finger out with a satisfying 'pop', he leans over your body. His chest presses against your back as he whispers in a husky low tone, "My my, little doe... You taste divine.". A needy whimper escapes your throat as your dripping cunt aches to be filled.

He kisses his way down your back, leaving a final kiss at the base of your perked-up tail before lifting his head back up. Alastor gently spreads the beads of pre-cum around his dick for extra lubrication, not that you needed, it of course. Large hands clutch the sides of your hips, claws dimpling your supple skin. Pre-cum and saliva from his hands spreads onto your skin, the moist texture making your stomach flutter. -- Alastor aligns his shaft with your opening, gradually penetrating you. A choked gasp leaves your mouth as he stretches you out, filling your needy cunt. After a bit of getting used to his length, he slowly thrusts into you. "That's it, little doe," he coos, "taking me so well... You'll look great as a mother".

Alastor pants heavily as he continues to rut into you, his pace picking up as he reaches closer and closer to a climax. Sparks of pleasure hit your core and he enters you at a rough tempo. "Mmph~ Al... That's it- D-Don't stop." you whimper. "Stop?" he begins, sliding into you at a more rigorous pace, "Wouldn't dream of it... After all, I couldn't leave my precious doe without filling her properly couldn't I?". Pleasure clouds your mind, all you can respond with is a cry of satisfaction. "Ah ah ah, use your words dear. Tell me how much you crave my seed.". "Need you to fill me... Need it so bad... Please..." you mumble, focused more on your approaching climax. Your words encourage Alastor further, thrusting into you deeper and hitting spots you didn't even know could be reached. His pelvis slams against your clit, sending sparks through your already trembling pussy. He speaks through strangled grunts and pants, "That's right, my doe, I'm gonna fill you over and over until you're filled with my fawns...". His large hands travel from your hips up to your chest, cupping your breasts in his hands. Mewling at the added pleasure, his thumb and index finger rolled the sensitive buds in his hands. "These would look so nice and pretty when they're swelled with milk, don't you think?". His dick slams into you at a ruthless pace. The sounds of skin slapping against skin along with moans and grunts of pleasure filled the air. Alastor takes a deep breath in, inhaling the scent of pheromones. His pupils widened further, his primal instincts kicking in. Releasing your tender breasts, he lifts your thigh up over his shoulder to get a new angle. His cock drills into you at a ruthless tempo, "Gotta - Nnnph~ make sure my seed's deep inside you... Gonna- load my fawns into you...". You feel your stomach tighten as you reach your release, "Al- M'gonna-". As your orgasm washes over you, hot loads of cum fill your greedy pussy. Your cunt clenches around his drenched cock as he rides out your orgasm. His pace gradually declines as the pleasure begins to fade. Alastors upper body goes limp from his climax, torso resting against your back. The two of you take a moment to catch your breath, panting heavily as he remains buried inside of you. After taking a beat, he pulls out of you. Cum spills of your cunt, loads of semen dripping down your folds and onto the bedding below. "You've made quite the mess my dear." he jests breathlessly, plunging a finger into your pussy to keep the seed from spilling, "Though, we can't let this go to waste, hm? I wasn't joking when I said you'd make a lovely mother.". You chuckle wearily and plop onto the mattress.

Rolling over onto your back, Alastor grabs the discarded clothes and helps you put your pajamas back on. He slips the silk gown back on you and presses a kiss to your forehead, "You did so well, my beautiful doe...". A smile stretches across your face at the praise. Returning the favor, you help him dress as well - buttoning up his night shirt and sliding his pants back on.

His arms wrap around your stomach as he pulls you into a loving embrace. Alastor bundles the two of you in the dark red comforter, spooning you and nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck. "I love you, Alastor" you whisper. "I love you too, darling. Sweet dreams.". With a final kiss pressed onto your cheek, you both drift off to a pleasant slumber.

—

YAYAYAYYA i tried rlly hard so if u dont like it then FUCK U (jk). but yeah i hope u like ittt. pls leave feedback guys :,) good or bad idfc but i rlly wanna improve and feedback is important for that!!! i hope u liked it :) i meant for the smut to be longer tbh, sorry if it wasnt as long as u were hoping. im still new at this so I tried to keep it short and sweet. I felt as if i kept it too long the quality would decline and that sucks so :/ hope u liked ittt!!!!! also i didnt edit this bc im tired lol but if u see a mistake point it out

𝐁𝐔𝐓: 𝐅𝐔𝐍 𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐓, 𝐈𝐍 𝐀 𝐑𝐔𝐓, 𝐁𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐎𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐒𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐎…. 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐀𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐖𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐔𝐏 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐃 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐈𝐍??? 𝐋𝐌𝐊

__

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @l3rittany, @sirens-and-moonflowers, @ratsematary, @reath-solia, (if i missed anyone I'm so sorry)

[scarlettmurphy]

STARCROSSED PT3 +ੈ✩‧₊˚ LOGAN HOWLETT

logan and y/n — starcrossed in every universe. the forbidden love, the underlying emotions swallowing y/n whole as she sees the man older then her own father by a good century or so in love with the woman she hates and she finds herself in a situation she knows she’ll never be able to run from.

- content warning age gap (is legal) angst. swearing. explicit. comfort! drinking. sick. dirty humour. choking. drugs. comfort? body issues. implications of ed. nsfw. angst angst and angst..pairings: older!logan howlett x xavier!reader. logan howlett x jean grey? scott summers x ?

spoiler: my idea was to make this a bit happier.. mission failed ☹️

note this is part three to starcrossed, make sure you’ve read the first two first so it makes sense :) the angst is angsting and i’m a little scrambled for what direction to go with this.. sorry for the long wait 💕i’m a bit insecure about this piece because i had a little writers block so i really hope you like it! i was listening to silver springs on repeat! so you get the vibes ☹️☹️ enjoy reading and i know this super long, sorry !! 💗💗

tags — @faceache111 @malfoys-demigod @navs-bhat @dilfismz @thisbipuff-isaswiftie @twinky-wink @thewiselionessss @thecraziestcrayon @plasticbottleholder @awhoreforalotofshows @emily-b @jae48 @cxptainbuck @444st4rg1rl @iluvloganhowlett @luusecret @bratalina @penguinsravioli @aesthetic-lyss @capswife @cliffordmess @halepack2011 @1-800-local-whore @lonelytealover @deezsnurts @angelofthorr @badbishsblog @weallhaveadestiny @hizzielover @noventev @holysmokesmando @la-diabla1 @sarnbarnes @lunalixya @danicl25

[i hope u like it!]

logan hadn’t moved an inch the entire night — you could’ve assumed he was a statue with how trained he was just to focus on y/n. every movement she made, every little occasional whimper or noise that escaped her sweet lips as she slept. his mind was spinning with thoughts as he bit down on his cheek mentally battling with himself as he thought to scott’s words that he had yelled at him a few hours before and what he said being enough to hit him with the small reality that the girl in front of him could of seen him in a way that he hadn’t completely processed or imagined was a possibility. scott’s words ringing in his mind as he has spent the entire night tossing and turning in the bed trying to dissect what he exactly meant by them, and he’d gotten an idea.

an idea he didn’t wanna admit to himself even though all his thoughts linked back to it. he swallowed it deep down, his heart beat quickening as he wondered over the thoughts circling in his mind. he was certain something was growing in him after knowing the knowledge a strong feeling taking over all his urges. maybe it was fear, he was pretty sure it was and he hated the feeling. in every way.

amd it was be caused by y/n. he knew it no matter how much he didn’t wanna admit that his friend, the girl that was a good 150 and something years younger then him was causing. the professors daughter— he had practically just got here two years ago and he didn’t need to be stirring up shit with charles because off his daughter who was practically underage, especially in his eyes. logan swallowing as he slowly come to the terms that the little girl, in his eyes who hardly looks that little anymore, next to him could see him in a completely different way. a way he never thought would be something in her mind.

slowly the time passed as light slowly dawned into the room which shone a sweet reflecting on y/n’s face as her skin soaked up the sunlight as logan brung his gaze up to the ceiling, his thoughts getting too much to bare as he leant into his pocket and pulled out a cigar. hating the fact it was so hard for him to control, fighting those feelings brewing in him as he slowly stood up from the bed being extra cautious to be quiet about it despite his big body making the bed quiver under him as he walked over to the window opening it slightly — a little extra cautious over y/n and smoking around her in this state as he looked back over to the view off her sleeping.

he hated how soft he was currently feeling because of her, the emotions stirring in him something he hadn’t even remembered ever feeling before. he felt like a big baby, smoking out the window all because of the kid. logan taking a big inhale as he watched the sun come up. soon enough finishing the cigar whilst overlooking the scenery,him finding himself stuck in thought as he leant against the wall as he brung his gaze back to y/n after throwing the put out butt out the window, his mind wracking around what just to do or if he should or leave or stay.

however, logan didn’t get the chance to decide when y/n’s eyes fluttered open as she tossed a little as the cover slid off her figure as she slowly woke up realising the fact she was still in the outfit from the night before as she could smell the faint bit of sick which made her let out a low groan as her mind was a complete blur, her being instantly met with a horrible headache as she buried her face into her pillow completely unbeknownst to logan’s presence. the headache only getting worse as she tried to recall what had happened the night before — the one downside of being a mutant of her power being the fact that hangovers hit like a wwe fighter would.

her mind stopping recalling anything after the time logan had walked away from the bar and left her with wade and hank — her mind slowly coming to terms with the shots.. the many shots.. the little burst of confidence she had as logan kept himself silent as he watched the girl stir awake not wanting to alert y/n off his presence just yet, deep down him knowing he wouldn’t of been able to speak anyway as he was too taken by her, not wanting to stop his little gawking as he watched her come to reality.

y/n’s heart felt as if it was burning as she recalled what she had seen with logan and jean — that hole inside her that was always lingering growing wider per second as she wished to suppress the memories now. god she wished she was more blackout then she had been. her mind feeling like a very hazy floaty mess as did her body currently.

y/ns mind bringing itself onto the little run she had out the mansion, hangover anxiety flowing over her as she felt her face heat up at the memory as her heart flipped at the thought of what she swore she could recall about scott of all people being nice? to her? at that she rolled out a little curse under her breath as she fought to keep her eyes closed against the pillow as all she wanted was so be swallowed hole as the heart ache that truly had never left and was only pushed to the side last night felt harsher then ever at the faded image off logan she had in her brain as she swallowed, her stomach making a loud gurgle noise as she felt the sick feeling coarse back up from her.

with that logan couldn’t be quiet anymore, him taking a step and just with the sound of his footsteps that made y/n open her eyes and look up as she met logan’s gaze from across the room herself instantly jumping as she felt completely fucked from the night before and his presence was the last thing she needed.

“y/n—“ logan spoke quietly, some of his emotion present within his tone as he immediately swallowed that back down, stomaching a smile in her direction as he made his way over to the edge of the bed. “are you okay?” he added out in an almost rushed way as y/n’s heart pounded as fast as her head was in the moment as she looked at him — her not even wanting to even know how bad she must’ve looked right now as she shook her head.

her low words coming out as fast as she had probably ever spoken before, “i think im going to be sick.” she rolled out under her breath, her words coming out in a heavy whisper as she quickly got out of bed and rushed to the bathroom. y/n fighting the blurry feeling that overtook her vision as she knelt down to the bathroom toilet — her dizziness just making the sick worse as she leaned down to the toilet bowl as she let it come out. logan running after her the second she stood up that worried feeling growing as he stood at the door watching as she knelt down.

“fucking hell.” he cursed out under his breath as he spoke gruffly as he took a few steps over to her as he knelt down beside her as she was sick. his face forming a harsh grimace as he bit down on his tongue as his large hand fell to her back as he tried to soothe her as he looked away as she was sick again. him swallowing as he tried to control his anger that was growing in the bottom of his stomach for the state she had gotten in, pushing down scott’s words that lingered in his mind along with the question of why you would drink yourself into that state as if he didn’t already know the answer deep down.

“i’m gonna fucking kill hank and wade.” logan rumbled out as a gruff sigh escaped his lips as he took in y/n’s shakiness. hating how she must’ve felt in the moment as he moved his hand up and down her spine as she let out a shaky breath. the comfort making y/n’s hurt inside grow more and more as she stumbled out a quick, “i’m never drinking again.”

her words making a low chuckle escape logan’s lips as he nodded slowly his hand not moving as he used his other hand to move some of her hair behind her ear in a swift motion that only reminded y/n off a bit more from last night as she was sick again. logan swallowing down his anger and feelings as he knew he had to be there for her right now.

“—it’s just a bad hangover bub.” logan calmly stated, his thoughts becoming nothing but void to him as he had all his worry’s right now on her as he watched as she leaned down a little to the toilet bowl, him being able to tell how out of it she was still just by that action as currenlty y/n’s mind was a mixture of haziness and hurt as the words she was trying to mumble out got cut off by that sick feeling again which she swallowed right back down as she fought with herself.

“—‘m never had one like this before.” she cursed out before being sick yet again as his hand lingered on her lower back as he could hear the fear in her voice, a protective feeling growing all through his body he knew exactly what that meant for himself and he hated it which is why his voice sounded a little cold as he moved his hand off her, leaning a little closer to her as he grabbed a small cloth for her to use in a second before placing that on the side next to them.

his hand moving back over to her hair as he made sure it wasn’t getting in her face at all as his cold words hit the air, “that’s what happens when you take shots all night, especially the amount you and wade were taking.”

y/m swallowed roughly as she could overhear his change in tone which made her feel like even more a mess as she spoke up shakily, “sorry—“ and with y/n’s words logan felt a flurry of guilt within him as he shook his head releasing the harshness he was showing which he didn’t even mean too as he sighed.

“don’t be.” he eventually spoke up, his words falling to a cold room as he watched as y/n leant back a little his hands following her as she leant against the wall. his had sipping off her waist as he swept his touch away and grabbed the cloth he had gotten ready for her so she could wipe her mouth. swallowing as she took it from his grip as y/n felt her self pity growing just by seeing his darkened eyes on her as she wiped her mouth with the cloth gently. herself feeling completely disgusting.

y/n watching as logan flushed the toilet to get rid of all the sick that was in there whilst y/n sat there swallowing down her self pity, hating how everything was feeling. being sick here in front of him of all people. she’d rather scott be here, probably even jean, god why wasn’t scott here? why was logan here? what was he doing in her bedroom?

her mind was boiling with questions as she brung her eyes to his own, her gaze locking on his soft brown eyes with that everso hint of green within them that just reminded her of everything she loved about him. the hint off melancholy she always viewed in his gaze still there which just made the pull he had in her twenty million times stronger as it always had been as she couldn’t help the little nervous smile that grew on her lips as she nervously chuckled with her feelings enlaced within her action.

“god i’m a mess.” she retorted out, logan playfully tapping her shoulder at her words as his touch lingered against her skin as he kept his gaze on her.

— “least you’re a pretty one.” he replied almost immediately with a teasing smile showcased on his lips as he grabbed the cloth from her hand and put it over the toilet, y/n swallowing her feelings. his words hit y/n like a heavy, full of metal and being thrown at her by magneto, truck as she could just picture the blush that grew on her face from one silly meaningless comment from him she shouldn’t read too much since she didn’t have a good track record with that especially since what she roughly recalled him doing yesterday as she swallowed due to his words as she could still feel his touch on her own even if it wasn’t there.

the yearning in her practically breaking as she felt that tension stir in her stomach as her brain told her one thing yet her heart was aching to be nothing like she has been for the last two weeks to him no matter how much she shouldn’t be as she kept her gaze on him.

y/n was struggling to find the right words with so many question in her brain and luckily logan instead did for her after the moment of silence had passed, him swallowing roughly before doing so, “you okay now?” his words low as he felt the tension grow in the air silently battling himself from creating it within himself too as logan’s eyes studied y/n as he kept himself knelt down in front of the girl who was sat on the floor — not wanting to leave her side but knowing he should. knowing he shouldn’t be like this with her now, here.

her managing a nod back, “should be.”

her low words caused a feeling to grow in him, ”you will be kid,” he corrected, giving her a serious look.

y/n finding this tension and almost awkwardness grow between the two of them as she moved her gaze away from him, sitting up a little as she soon found her words. “what are you doing here?” she couldn’t help ask, “i don’t remember why.”

logan roughly sighed with her words as he stood up, looking down at her as he went over and leaned against the door. needing the distance between them for his own peace of mind as he spoke after she had finished. “i couldn’t leave you alone last night. i was worried after seeing how drunk you were.”

his words were like a little shock of realisation for y/n as she nodded over the obviousness of it as she moved her gaze onto him, her eyes casted onto him from across the room. hating the weirdness that was growing them as she noted how much it was coming from him. she’d most definitely have to remember soon or else it would be time to dive into someone’s mind.

“i remember scott being here but not you.” she muttered out as logan nodded at her words.

“yeah. well we were both helping.” logan blurted out under his breath, sounding a little pissed off as he opened the bathroom door, “you should shower— i’ll go get you something to eat.” the built up tension and guilty thoughts in his mind eating half the words he wanted to say.

“food might sent me over the edge.” y/n mumbled out lowly, logan knowing the truth underlying her words as he swallowed his own spit feeling those feelings thrive within him as he sighed at the girl who he hadn’t really seen eat a meal if it wasn’t some weird protein recipe, he recalled jean used to have all the time, for the past four months.

“well— just shower okay?” he grunted out as y/n nodded in reply as he closed the bathroom door behind himself. y/n soon hearing her bedroom door close a few seconds later as she let out a rough exhale as she felt like the weight fell right off her shoulders — instantly curling herself into a tiny little ball as she rested her head on her knees as she tried to recall everything as her head pounding just grew worse. rough was not enough to describe the mental and physical anguish she was feeling right now, her having blacked out most of the night and that specific fact irritated her to another level as she knew she’d have to go find scott and get what he knew out of him.

another embarrassing conversation with a guy she never saw eye to eye with and thought was a little bit off a stuck up mug who turned out to be the nicest thing ever to her last night — to say she was embarassed was an understatement as she eventually dragged herself into the shower as she pondered over all the things she knew.

+ੈ✩‧₊˚

the shower was too much and too little, the burning water against her skin making her feel a number of things as the pain brung her to the surface of reality as her mind bubbled within the surface of everything as the pain of the water against her soft skin quieted the pain in her heart and mind - her hair falling against her back as the water swallowed her skin whole.

her breath shaky as the tears that slipped down her cheeks were just water dripping down her to any other’s eyes, would’ve gone unnoticed, as she eventually finished her shower after a few ten or so minutes of soaking up all the emotions within the air that had been left and abandoned on that swing set she had the faint recollection off from last night.

y/n wrapping the towel around herself as she pushed through the bathroom door as she made her way through her room as she slid into the first thing she saw in her wardrobe. jeans and a red top - the basic of the basic — as she didn't even want to look in the mirror for fear of what she looked like but she bit that urge down and went right over to the mirror, over analysing every inch off herself as she tried not to let that feeling grow inside her because she knew she had things to do. tearing her eyes away from the mirror as she made her way out her room.

avoiding the glances she was getting from some students as she tried to forget her thoughts as she completely pushed past her discomfort on her way towards scott’s room, it of course being the biggest one in the mansion, y/n knocking on the door as she swallowed her own spit as the door opened revealing a stressed looking jean whose eyes instantly darkened at the sight of the girl.

just meeting the older woman’s gaze sent a chill down y/n’s spine as she definitely didn’t expect to see her and wasn’t ready to in the mind state she currently possessed. that feeling off jealously, aching, yearning and a mixture of pain swelling up through her mind and body as she saw the pure confusion that overtook jean’s face at her presence.

jean’s eyebrows furrowing as she leant against the doorframe, arms crossed, “y/n?” she questioned, her voice full off confusion as y/n felt the tension rise between them.

“hi.” y/n rolled out as she gave jean a little nod off greeting as she fought back the hurt within her at just how she looked so perfect this early as she held back her emotions with a small very fake smile, “is scott here?”

“you want too see scott?” jean asked puzzled, y/n seeing the weird look riddled on her face as she nodded slowly.

“yeah, well i need too.” y/n trailed out, seeing the way jean’s confusion grew as her jaw clenched. her seemingly jealous over this as y/n watched as her tongue clicked to the root of her mouth as she nodded slowly.

“scott!” jean called out into the bedroom when she leaned back, looking into the room where y/n couldn’t see as she felt just how awkward it was right now. y/n’s eyebrows furrowing as jean called for him again, her voice raising more as there was a faint sound of water turning off. probably the shower. then what followed was the found of a door opening, y/n’s eyes remaining on jean as she watched as she took a step back and opened the door some more as scott stepped next to her.

y/n’s eyes falling onto a very shirtless half naked scott, a towel wrapped lowly around his waist as y/n instantly swallowed harshly as she took in the sight.

his v-line showing as there was still water droplets dripping down his very toned abs — y/n immediately being taken aback by seeing scott like that as she felt her stomach flutter as she swallowed harshly once again — his hair was wet and messy and he had just shaved clearly. y/n taking in the new stubble as his new look made many things switch in her brain as he met y/n’s gaze after she had eventually looked to his face and not his abs, that not exactly being something she wanted to do.

“y/n?” scott exclaimed, his words somewhat a question as jean took a step back as she sent y/n a look scott didn’t pick up on due to his eyes only being on her as jean disappeared into the bedroom. scott taking a step forward as the door went with him, him standing between the door and her as she swallowed again finding herself sort of at a loss for words. him leaning against the doorframe as y/n’s eyes cascaded up and down him yet again as she roughly swallowed at the sight.

that’s when she caught glimpse of something, her eyes falling on a certain wound on his side, her eyebrows instantly raising as she practically forgot about how hot he was when she realised the cut. leaning over to get a better view off it as she took in the evident claw marks that looked like it hurt like a bitch, logan clearly having done that — the blood practically still fresh and she could feel her blood boil at the thought.

“what the?” y/n instantly let out as she took the cut in as she leaned a little closer to look at it, “why—?”

“i hurt him back.” he said lowly, y/n giving him a knowing look as that was probably the most scott thing he could’ve said as she leaned back to where she was standing before. a weird feeling growing within her as she scoffed.

“obviously— but why the hell did he do that for?” y/n managed out as she questioned him, scott taking a breath before looking back into the bedroom and swallowing. a weirdness growing between the pair as y/n’s eyes couldn’t help fall back and linger on his abs as he looked away before she met his eyes before she got caught doing so.

“just, let me get dressed and then we’ll talk.” scott thought out as y/n had to hold herself back from making a stupid comment as she nodded, about to speak up when scott did instead.

“meet me at the swings. but it might smell like sick.” scott rolled out slyly, a little playful hint to his words as y/n rolled her eyes.

“ha.ha.” y/n said sarcastically as scott couldn’t the grin grow on his lips as y/n turned on her heel.

“—i’ll be there in five!” he called after her.

+ੈ✩‧₊˚

y/n went right over to the swings as little faded memories popped back into her brain regarding these swings and her last encounter on them as her brows furrowed up in confusion as her mind lingered on the thoughts as scott came down the courtyard. y/n’s eyes drawing onto him wearing a cable knit sweater like usual, this one being a dark shade of red almost matching with her top, as she kept her gaze on him as couldn’t help but smile.

“he was being an asshole like usual.” scott swiftly let out as took his seat next to her on the swing, pushing himself of it a bit as y/n’s eyes followed him as she leaned against the chain — the sun shining down on the courtyard, a vast difference from the night before.

“—mm i think i need a bit more then that.” y/n said softly as scott couldn’t help the smirk grow on his lips at her words.

“well what do you remember?” he replied back cockily, making a shiver of anxiety coarse through her as a little uncomfortable feeling dawned over her as she shrugged her shoulders, “a whole lot of drinking, then i remember you and me sat here but not much off what i said, must’ve been something stupid.”

scott raised an eyebrow at her words as he bit the bullet in telling her the truth, swallowing before he spoke up.

“your love for logan isn’t stupid. like mine for jean’s isn’t.” he whispered honestly, y/n feeling his words sink in harshly as she found all the urges to speak get swept away from her as she roughly swallowed. the tension growing within the air as y/n felt her heart beat twenty times faster and feel like it was breaking.

“you can’t help who you love.” he added out, y/n feeling his gaze as she eventually turned her eyes to him only to look right back away.

she couldn’t bring herself to glance one more time his way as she looked over at the mansion as she felt the weight of conversation dawn on her heavily as the uncomforbaility grew in her at just the thought of scott knowing how much she did like love logan. y/n’s eyes dropping down to the floor as she finally spoke up after a couple twenty or thirty seconds of silence, “i want too though, it’s not like i wanna love him.” y/n lowly whispered out before she took a pause, feeling the weight bare on her again as she tried to speak about something else to avoid saying anything more heart wrenching and slightly embarrassing which made herself feel worse,”—and i’m sorry you had to hear whatever i rambled out last night.” scott’s eyes lingering on her with her words before he tore his eyes away towards the mansion.

he could practically feel her heart ache as if it was burning into him and he couldnt help the sad smile spread on his lips as he knew how much it hurt first hand, so he wanted to make her feel better. “no—it was sort of enjoyable.” scott said lowly, making y/n’s eyebrows raise in interest as she finally met his gaze. his words being different from the sad ones he spoke before as their eyes locked on each other.

“sorry does me being a crying drunk mess entertain you?” y/n said lowly, her voice rooted in low sarcasm as scott chuckled.

“no it’s just you’re a lot sweeter when you’re shitfaced.” scott brung himself to say as y/n’s eyebrow twitched up, giving him a little look as she felt her heart skip a beat — her eyebrows raising at his statement as his words made her forget for a moment the manner of this conversation.

“hey i can be sweet sober.” y/n scoffed out, her words causing scott to raise an eyebrow in a playful manner.

“yeah, what? to logan?” his low words made her roll her eyes as scott chuckled as y/n leaned over her swing and nudged his shoulder harshly before she moved her swing back — the playful energy that had grew between them making her feel comfortable.

“shut up.” y/n scoffed out as scott laughed a little harder nudging her back before y/n couldn’t help a little laugh too as she met his gaze.

“so you and jean this morning?” y/n couldn’t help ask which made scott let out a low sigh as y/n pushed on it a little more with a smile at his reaction, ”—not so done after what i saw..?” she trailed out, giving him a look.

scott grimaced a little at the memory / reminder of it as he swallowed, his voice low with anger enlaced within it as he spoke a bit coldly. “oh no, we’re done. engagement rings back.”

y/n’s mouth fell agap as she met scott’s gaze, her heart twitching and almost stinging for the man as she raised an eyebrow — shock being the only feeling she was experiencing right now. “you were engaged?” she managed out, scott nodding as y/n clicked the tongue to the root of her mouth. there was never a ring she could of spotted on either of the, but that knowledge made the situation ten times worse in her brain, her mind toggling on jean’s face from this morning as all she currently wanted to do was go punch the bitch. as if she hadn’t wanted to do that for the past two years anyway, this just made the urge slightly uncontainable.

“god she’s a bitch.”

scott lowly laughed as she nodded, “yeah you said that last night.”

her face went a little shade of red at his words, “they say drunk words are sober thoughts.” he added out and y/n couldn’t help the smile growing on her lips as she nodded, shrugging her shoulders.

“i definitely wasn’t wrong.” she said lowly as scott held back a little wince as he swung back on his swing a little, eyes moving back over to the view in front of the pair as y/n spoke up again, “she did look fuming today.”

scott rolling his eyes at the fact, “probably because she was wanting to be with logan —“ he said before he paused realising the weight of his words for y/n, “no offence.”

y/n let out a little laugh at scott’s words trying to ignore the burning sensation in her throat and the hurt that traveled down her chest right to her heart and through her core as she shrugged her shoulders. “yeah i’ll get over it.”

scott couldn’t help the sadness the etched on his face as moved a little, letting out small wince that grabbed y/n’s attention as she looked at him. her eyes falling to where the cut was on his side as his hand rested over it as he leaned up, y/n speaking up, “it hurts still?”

“horribly.” scott muttered out as he tried to sit comfortably, y/n swallowing before she leaned her swing to his — placing her hand over his chest which caused him to jump a little as she placed her hand over where his just laid. “—woah— what are you doing?” he ushered out quickly with her action as she placed her hand exactly over where the cut was.

“just shush.” she rolled out as her hand hovered over the claw marks logan had left as she closed her eyes — ignoring his question as he studied her expression, swallowing as he held back a wince at how her hand was on his side.

her not saying anything more as scott kept himself shut, his mouth falling open as he felt her hand move against his cut and he noticed the way the veins in her arm riveted against her skin as he swallowed as he figured what she was doing. seeing the purple gleam that highlighted through her skin as he felt the pain slowly subside until it completely faded, his stomach flipping and his heartbeat rising as his chest did as he took in a big exhale as he realised exactly what she had just done.

her eyes opening as she leaned over to him, slowly pulling up his shirt to check on the cut as he let her do so as he felt his breath hitch as her hand lingered on the top of his smooth and now cut and bruise free skin as she then went to lean back onto her swing, meeting his eyes as she gave him a little smile.

“there.” y/n said lowly, her words falling out softer then intended as scott smiled at her - their eyes locking onto each others as she brung her hand away but scott stopped it from doing so. his hand grabbing her wrist softly as y/n felt frozen at his touch as he kept his eyes trained on her. the contact they were having making her feel the feelings of butterflies in her stomach as she swallowed . “better?” y/n spoke into the air, raising an eyebrow.

“yeah, yeah— really better.” scott swallowed out as he brung himself to speak, his gaze not leaving her own as he kept his smile tightly on his lips. “thank you.” he managed out, y/n’s heart flipping as he dropped her wrist which made her lean back into her swing, her eyes dawning back onto the mansion as her swing swung a little.

“its cool.”

her words were weighted as scott looked down to his chest as he overviewed where the cut once was which was completely clear, “i forgot you could do that.”

her eyes fell back over to scott at his words as she swallowed, “yeah i hardly do it.”

her watching as scott pulled down his shirt, fidgeting in the swing as he couldn’t help curiosity strike in him as he turned to her direction, “does it hurt for you when you do it?”

she didn’t expect him to ask that question as she shrugged her shoulders, “well i heal right away.” y/n spoke up as she nudged her shirt up a little to check, scott’s eyes dawning on the cut that was fading into her skin which was just the one he had. his eyebrow raising at the image in his head as she brung her shirt right back down.

“either way it’s bearable.” her added words made scott shift in his seat as he held back what he really wanted to say instead swallowing those words right back down as he decided on teasing her.

“you took my pain from me — are you starting to like me finally?” he questioned out, raising an eyebrow at her playfully, “i thought the day would never come” his words making her roll her eyes as she held back the urge to push him off the swing or blush heavily.

“i can give it right back to you.” y/n defended lowly, making him hold his hands up in defence.

“hey, no. i’m good—“

“but i do have to say something which might make you wanna kill me.” he added out which made y/n’s eyebrows raise as she crossed her arms, her eyes on him as she swung her swing around so it was facing him. her body moving along with it as she leaned against the bar. him taking this as her immediate question to why as he spoke up before she got the chance.

“i’m pretty sure logan knows.”

with his words y/n’s eyebrows instantly furrow as she swallowed the pit growing in her stomach as she bit on her tongue to stop herself from freaking out.

“has that got anything to do with the cut?” she asked out, scott nodding before he butted it to try and explain it — “look he might not know completely, i just said that he should be careful about how you feel after i said a few things about him fu— with jean.” scott ushered out quickly pausing a little over jean as y/n tried to hold back the growing anger in her body at the reminder of jean which made her feel a little guilt about how she handled the situation she saw in last night and how she must’ve said it to scott or something as if logan with his fiancé- or should she say ex fiancé- would mean nothing to him. y/n didn’t even wanna remember it due to the mental picture she was gathering as she swallowed, the twos heartache being prominent within their conversation now.

“it was a heat of the moment thing, i did just lazer him.”

with those words y/n couldn’t help a laugh fall her lips in disbelief at how controlled that must’ve been for him to do as she smiled at him, actually finding herself quite glad off that fact, “you lazered him?”

“yes and he was whining like a baby.” scott rolled out emphasising the whining as y/n’s smile grew.

“what the hell was i doing when that was happening?” she couldn’t help ask as scott couldn’t help a laugh as he kept his eyes on her, “oh you were snoring by then.”

“i do not snore.” she quickly bit lowly in reply, scott sensing her stubbornness over the topic immediately as he pushed on it.

“do you need me to let you read my mind to prove you do?”

“i do not s—“ y/n lowly spoke but before she could finish her words the presence of bobby in front of her cut her words short as her face went a bright shade of red at her friend in front of her who she hadn’t even noticed walking over to them — a smirk present on his face at the little idea he formed in his head from just seeing the two here alone.

“hey scott— professors asking for you.” bobby said calmly with his hands in his pocket, his eyes moving between the two of them aa scott turned his attention to bobby silently cursing in his head for him coming over here.

he sighed as he looked back over to y/n, “duty calls.”

“update me on if you need that.” scott teased out slyly as he stood up from the swings before giving bobby a nod as he passed him, bobbys eyes dawning on y/n as his eyebrows instantly raised once he looked back to check if scott was out of ear shot, the second he noticed he wasn’t instantly turning on y/n.

a little smirk on him slaps as she crossed his arms, looking at her.

“please tell me y/n, what do you need?” bobby rolled out playfully in a very obvious tease as y/n rolled her eyes as she stood up.

“god please go annoy rogue or kitty and not me.” she cursed out which made bobby scoff as he went to her side as she was walking, giving her a nudge.

“so you and scott?” he rolled out as y/n nudged him back which nearly sent him over as she scoffed in reply to his words.

“just bonding over heartache thank you very much.” she added out softly, bobby regaining his balance as he kept his position alongside her. eyes cascading over y/n as he shook his head.

“—mm, sure.” bobby teases out as his eyes glanced over the mansion as they got closer to it, his eyes swearing they could make out a logan looking from one of the windows. ams the second body noticed that the figure disappeared, him shaking the idea out his mind as he went back to focusing, teasing, y/n.

bobby finally dropped the scott thing after a long and slightly annoying repeat tease about it as they walked about the mansion just looking for something to ease their boredom on this very lonely sunday which wasn’t so lonely until bobby has snapped scott away with orders from her dad which left her with him, yet not for long as the second he saw rogue he left y/n, scurrying away after rogue like a lost puppy.

the second bobby left y/n knew she wanted (and needed) to find logan somewhere with the new knowledge she had to just ask him why the hell he hurt scott for.. maybe it was bias but she did wanna know and have an excuse to try and get the fact he knew she liked him out of him in a way that didn’t make her have to say it. her mind practically squirming with thoughts of what he would do as she nonchalantly looked around the mansion. her mind thinking on what the best thing to say would be. maybe a little ‘maybe don’t fuck engaged people.’ or a little scream of ‘why the fuck did you hurt scott for?’ or maybe a desperate ‘please don’t hate me now you know i love you.’

y/n rolled her eyes at the comments she was making in her brain as she eventually gave up her search, slumping down on one of the lounge chairs in the living room as she pondered. her mind linking her thoughts back to logan with every aching possibility she got. she hated it, hated how much she was desperate to think off him. it made her feel so weak, weak to his every move as she overanalysed the conversation they shared in the morning.

thankfully, to stop her from going mad, hank came over to her with a bright smile on his face like usual as he slumped down onto the sofa.

“hey y/n.” he commented softly as he leant back onto the sofa, y/n’s eyes falling onto him as she gave hank a soft smile in reply as he fixed his glasses — his gaze on the ceiling as he swallowed.

“hi,” y/n said softly as she analysed hanks furrowed brows and the clear look off pure angst from his face as she held back a little laugh or chuckle as she commented, “the shots get to you too?”

with her words hank brung his eyes on her as he let out a shaky breath, “most definitely.”

y/n couldn’t help a smile at his words as she gazed around the room before looking back to hank, “hey have you seen logan around?” she couldn’t help but ask.

seeing the way hank thought for a second before he quickly nodded, y/n noticing the change in his demeanour just at the question.

“yeah, um. going into jean’s room.” he swallowed the strength to say out, his voice slightly thick.

with hanks words y/n instantly felt a lump in her throat form as she felt her heart drop, nodding softly at what he said as she bit back any sign of emotion being displayed on her face even though hank could read her like an open book.

the aching feeling in her heart was something she hid to her best ability and tried to ignore as much as she could as she rolled out her next words quickly, trying to sound as if she didn’t care at all, “cool.” her words fell out so blatantly obvious that it was insanely obvious to hank she cared entirely.

—

but, thankfully hank didn’t ask you any questions or even dwell on what you asked for the rest of your brief conversation that lasted a good five or so minutes before you excused yourself to go up to your room and cry yet you told simply told him ‘the gyms calling me.’ which had been the biggest lie you had said to him in a long time and he definitely didn’t believe you.

but once you got in your room it felt like it made matters worse, the faint jeff buckley vinyl you had playing in the background making your yearning feelings even stronger as you thought off all the things that could be going on right now between the two of them. you hated it, you couldn’t deal with it anymore. two weeks ago you had decided to give up on it, as if you actually did, but you tried. and now that scott knew and you had someone to talk to about it it seemed all the way worse.

your yearning not being cut off for the entire rest off the night and it didn’t help that it was like logan had gone into hiding. another search of the mansion and he wasn’t anywhere and you were certainly not asking jean so you had to wallow in your thoughts off him as you went back to your room. repeating the same cycle of looking before bed, which only made you certain he had to still be in jean’s room. still. great.

and within the next day you still hadn’t seen him once, scott had said he was acting odd and not to push on it just yet but you could hardly contain your emotions anymore. him being gone making all off it worse because it was at his will, not yours. you didn’t even see him once.

and by wednesday that was when you knew you had to capture him somewhere alone. having seen him a good four or five times around the mansion now where he blatantly ignored or blanked you and that just made everything worse and scott’s nice words of comfort weren’t helping you one bit. it felt like it was making it all worse, seeing how fucked you were over him being so cold to you. it made you feel sick, you weren’t pushing him away he was pushing you away and you didn’t even know why. you craved his words, even if they were horrible you just wanted to hear him directly talk to you and you’re like this after only four days without talking.

the glances to each other in the hallway killed you mostly, every time it like he was tearing your heart up because he looked back every single time yet kept his mouth shut and immediately glanced away once he had shared his beauty to you. it was like a game now, trying to dissect the emotions in his eyes. but you never could. all you gathered was a look you narrowed down to feeling lost, or even confused. you didn’t get it. at all.

your yearning was at the highest volume especially after seeing him leave jean’s room this morning. that practically destroyed you and you didn’t know why he had such high control of you, you needed to get over it but you couldn’t. you just couldn’t. it was hurting to even breath, every breath feeling weighted as you laid on rogues bed after just having an entire bitch about it. her now knowingness of the situation making you feel better but her comfort hardly was there as all she was going on about was what costume to wear to the halloween party.

that making you feel a number of feelings, mostly annoyance as you swallowed roughly as she hung up a costume on her door.

“i wanna be riding hood. the red cloaks good for that.” rogue said softly, y/n sitting up at her words as her eyes dawned over to the costume hanging on the door. two days to go and rogue was still trying to find an outfit and a matching one for her best friend.

“what could you be?” rogue questioned out, almost to herself, as she looked over her costume then back to y/n.

“a pig.” y/n scoffed out as rogue rolled her eyes at her comment as she walked back and took in her own costume trying to match something to it. y/n watching as rogues brain tried to fall on something and it was almost like magic when it did. her eyes lightening up as she ran right over to her closet and started searching through it.

“what?” y/n asked out as rogue buried her head into it, throwing out a few things that made y/n’s eyebrows raise in confusion.

“you are going to be matching with me so good that we would win if there was a competition.”

with rogues words y/n’s eyes dawned on the thing rogue was holding in her hand as she shut the wardrobe behind her as she leaned against it.

“cat ears?” y/n muttered out confusedly as her eyebrows furrowed up in confusion as rogue scoffed.

“it’s red riding hood!” rogue retorted as y/n linked two with two, her eyes widening as she immediately shook her head.

“no! wolf? wolf! you’re joking,” she scoffed out quickly watching as rogue kept a straight face which only made her go on more,”—have you not listened to anything your best friends just been screaming about for the past thirty minutes!?”

the room fell silent as rogue pouted, holding out the ears for y/n to take.

“y/n! please, nobody will care. it’s not even about him!”

her words only annoyed y/n more as she went to talk but rogue instantly shushed, placing her finger to her lips as y/n edged back.

“cmon! you’re my best friend and i need you on this. it’s going to be hot! think of that.” rogue dragged out with a sly smile as she kept the cat, wolf, ears for y/n out to grab still waving them about impatiently.

“i know you’re going to say yes.” she rolled out as she took in the way y/n was looking at her. y/n swallowing her pride before she snapped the ears out her grip.

“fuck you.” y/n let slip as rogue cheekily smiled in return, “you wish.”

+ੈ✩‧₊˚

after that entire ordeal y/n slipped out of rogue’s company to join in with training, walking down the halls and towards the elevator being enough alone time for her as the second she was left alone with her thoughts she was right back on overthinking every single thing about logan and herself. her mind tracking back to what scott had recalled to her and how he mustn’t have been saying the entire truth to her because why else was logan being like this for? so distant, it just made y/n wanna dissect every inch of logan or scott’s mind and get to the bottom of it. that’d be easier then all this pondering.

and in training it showed how y/n was off it, her slacking in every way possible which immediately let scott know how much she was affected by the logan situation today. as they both got ‘killed’ from the training exercise they were doing which made the two of them sit over by the sidelines whilst they’d have to watch the others. y/n mind currently lingering on the one word logan had said to her in the past span of the past four days. a blunt, ‘move’ which he said right before the hologram off a training robot was about to kill her and the second she moved and he had ‘sorted” it out he walked off like she was never anything to him and he didn’t look back once or say another word.

it hurt her too the bone and the list of questions she had was never ending now, the aching feeling worsening per second in the same room as him as her eyes wondered on him as she watched as he trained.

scott looking at how deep in thought she was making his own heart hurt as he felt the guilt rise in his, for not addressing logan and how she must’ve been feeling. the tension coating through y/n at a high point as scott got the courage to speak and break the looming silence.

“finally that’s over.” scott scoffed out lowly which brung y/n out the staring contest she was having with the floor as she sighed at scott’s words, giving him a nod in return as she slouched back a little. scott noticing her somewhat closeness as he placed his arm around her, trying to be a comfort, as she leaned against his touch almost instantly. her head falling down to rest on his shoulder as she felt the weights of her emotions falter a bit at scott’s comforting touch.

something she’d almost started to get used to within the past couple days since those swings had become a meeting place for them late at night, if they wanted to rant.. or couldn’t sleep, they’d go there and talk. last night it was for a good hour or two, maybe three.

“i just wanna go to sleep.” y/n brung herself to speak up, her voice hoarse as scott sighed with her words. his touch tightening on her yet his grip was still as soft as ever as he placed his chin against her forehead.

“rough day?” scott asked quietly, his voice slipping out lowly into her ear as y/n nodded against his touch.

“rogues making me be a wolf for the party.” she cursed out.

“god.” scott chuckled out, finding that stupid and horrible at the same time as he moved his hand up and down y/n’s shoulder as his eyes lingered on the training scene that was soon to being over. scott catching logan’s cold gaze for a moment before logan looked away with a stern look on his face like usual.

scott ignoring it as he spoke up, “you should’ve done the group costume with me. padme suits you.”

“i wish i did but i can’t now bobby’s not going and rogues relying on me. it’s stupid.” y/n shuddered out, her voice low as she felt annoyed at the thought.

“i know.” scott replied, shifting his body slightly closer to her owns. “swings again tonight?”

he asked softly, y/n nodding against him as she was about to speak up when the hologram switched off. her eyes adjusting to the blue large room that dawned on her as scott leaned back, keeping his hand around her as she slipped back into his grip as she leant up — her eyes watching logan’s from across the room, as that feeling arised in her chest.

“i say go trap him.” scott spoke up which made her jump out little staring contest she was having with him as she moved her gaze onto scott, shaking her head plainly.

“i don’t even know if i wanna speak to him after how cold he’s been, he’s a hairy prick.” y/n cursed out under her breath as scott laughed.

“that’s bull and you know it.” scott spoke, knowing y/n all too well as he nudged her. “go.”

“it’s not like i even want him anymore. i just wanna scream at him for hurting you and being such a cunt.” y/n half lied out, her voice harsher at the thought of getting to speak to him, as she held back what else she wanted to say and stuck with that idea to keep her sanity as strong as it could be. scott not commenting on what she said despite how badly he knew it to not be the truth as he gave her a little smile, the low laugh escaping his lips making her take a deep breath in.

“go do it. i’ll deal with the others so you two are alone.” scott rolled out as he tapped her shoulder to get her up which made a chill rush through her body as she swallowed her pride as she brung her eyes onto scott’s.

the smile on his lips convincing her to do it enough as she let the words escape her lips, “fine.”

with her words scott smiled as he let his hand around y/n’s shoulder drop, “go!” he ushered out as y/n rolled her eyes as she stood up and started to walk over to where logan was.

“thank me later.” scott called out to her before he got up himself , walking over to storm and hank who were in conversation with jean who were walking out the room. the perfect scenario.

scott’s eyes peaking back as he was about to leave the room with the others as he saw logan searching through his jacket , scott taking in y/n walking over strongly.

scott meeting y/n’s gaze as she looked back to him giving her a nod before he disappeared out the door with the others. which left y/n and logan in complete silence in the room as y/n watched as logan grabbed a cigar out his coat pocket after putting it on, her swallowing as she noted how he definitely didn’t notice she was still in here.

that fact just making her brain a little fuzzy as she pulled the courage to put her tough demeanour on, swallowing the heartache as she leaned against the wall next to him. logan’s eyes tearing onto hers at the movement he heard as he took in her appearance which haulted him lighting cigar and immediately haunted him. his eyes cascading over her body as he roughly swallowed before his gaze met her harsh, narrowed, eyes.

“you’ve been ignoring me.” y/n spoke out which completely captured his attention as her eyes didn’t leave his for a moment. the eye contact she was getting from him making her weak in every way but she kept herself strong, her eyes narrowed onto him as she watched as he raised an eyebrow at her words as he lit his cigar, taking a hit before he scoffed as the smoke left his lips, filling the room.

“no i haven’t.” he gruffly let out as he brung his gaze away from her as he started to walk off, past her. y/n scoffing as she went after him, taking a step in front of him to stop him going any further as his throat tightened at her action. his eyes falling back down to her own.

“im pretty sure you have.” y/n replied back stubbornly as he raised an eyebrow at her words, scoffing once again. the tension in the room completely shifted even to a heaviness that she hadn’t experienced before with him.

“mm—well you’ve been pretty busy with scott i didn’t think you’d notice too much.” logan rolled out harshly, his voice low and hoarse which sent a chill through y/n’s body as the weight off his words sunk in. her eyes widening as she instantly shook her head, tutting as she took in what the petty bastard just said as she swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat back down.

“and what the hell is that supposed to mean?” y/n quickly replied, her anger only rising at what he had said as she couldn’t believe what he had just told her. the words from him being slightly shocking as she took in the look that crossed his face as he shrugged his shoulders.

“you tell me sweetheart.” he growled out before he pushed past her, y/n’s mouth falling agap at his words as she sighed heavily. his words ringing in her head as she gulped. teleporting so she was in front of him which stopped him right as he was about to leave the door which made him jump a little. cigar smoke leaving his lips and going right into her face as he coughed out of surprise off her being there, being caught off guard by her action as she stayed frozen in place in front of himas she stepped forward thinking that would result in him stepping back. but it didn’t.

her holding back the urge to quiver back due to the closeness as she worked up the courage to speak, her eyes locked onto his as she lowly spoke up, “you hurt him.”

“who wouldn’t?” logan replied back gruffly, his jaw clenched as he almost laughed at the patheticness of what she had stated, the way she was trying to defend him making him feel a number of ways about the situation.

his words only angered y/n heavily as she kept her eyes narrowed onto his, questions running through her mind as she tried to keep her composure up as if the distance wasn’t killing hers inside. her breath hitching as his words caused her anger to rise as she took in just how rude he was being, this making her emotions grow inside of her breath brushed against his neck as she looked up at him. her heart stinging and she swore her eyes were too as she roughly swallowed, feeling her heartbeat in her ears as she bit down her pride and quickly spoke.

“did i do something?” she managed to say — her voice almost breaking at just that hint of hurt in her voice tore logan’s eyes away from her as those words fell into the air as she didn’t tare her eyes away from him once. seeing the way his face changed as she could hear his heartbeat crazily pumping and if she really thought close with her powers she could read his every though right now and that’d help her understand what he was feeling but she couldn’t do that to him ever. herself being mesmerised by the way his eyes looked as if they were watering as she added out, “you haven’t spoke to me in four days logan.”

her words met the air harshly as logan swallowed roughly as he took a rough inhale of his cigar in retaliation to what she had just said, looking to y/n coldly as he bit down all the emotion he was suppressing as he exhaled after. the silence deafening as she waited for anything, any answer. his face not giving anything away.

her searched his own as the silence grew before he eventually spoke up, which made everything worse.

“yeah and for good reason.” he replied lowly, y/n’s eyebrows twitching as she kept her gaze on his holding back a yell and the urge to punch him.

his harshness was enough to ruin her completely as she bit down on the inside of her cheek as she spoke up lowly, “and what is that?” y/n’s question failing to bring any peace to the two of them as logan grew angrier as he bit the bullet and quickly spoke up.

“ask scott since you care about him so much suddenly.” logan cursed out under his breath as he leaned over her and opened the door up, going to push past her.

“you’re fucking joking right?” she quickly said — the weight off his words hitting he as she placed her hand against his chest to stop him from moving anymore which just made his anger stronger as she roughly shoved him back. not meaning to that but it happened, his eyebrows raising at her action.

“watch it..” he said harshly, his voice gruff as he put out his half finished cigar against his skin, holding back any sign of hurt as he placed the rest off it back into his pocket. y/n studying every inch of his face with anger the only emotion showcased on hers as his eyes felt like they were taunting her.

her words coming out so quickly due to her growing annoyance, anger and hurt over the situation she couldn’t help herself, “maybe you should watch it since you can’t stop sleeping with someone that was engaged a good four days ago.”

the words that escaped her lips pushed logan to an extreme as his anger bursted as he felt all that pent up emotion he’d been hiding scream and claw its way out as he roughly grabbed her, pushing her against the wall harshly with a loud thud as his hand roughly wrapped round her throat.

“she was engaged to a cunt.” logan growled out, y/n seeing how seething he was as her breath hitched at their closeness. his grip only tightening on her neck as she held back any whimpers threatening to escape her lips as she kept her eyes locked onto his own, feeling his body pressed against her own as the heat rose between them.

“you do know if she cheated on him she’d cheat on you happily.” y/n harshly muttered out, her breath slightly hitched due to how harshly he was holding her against the wall. her words only pissing him off more as he stared her down, his fingers digging into her skin.

“you’ve just been aching to say something like that haven’t you? you hate her.” logan said rudely, his grip on y/n’s throat still heavy so much that it would defintely bruise. the closeness sending her body into a mixed frenzy as she grew angrier at everything he said. the tension in the air suffocating her. “you always have.” he spit out rudely.

“and whys that?” logan trailed out before giving y/n a chance to respond, his voice teasing as if he knew the answer already. his tone making her feelings worse as she couldn’t move her eyes away from him as she was close to practically gasping for air already due to how harshly he had her.

y/n roughly swallowed, logan’s hands tightly gripping her throat making all her feelings worse as she found the words, “i’m pretty sure scott’s told you something that could be a factor.” she cursed out sarcastically. his eyes darkening as she studied every inch of his expression.

he narrowed his eyes at her words his anger radiating off him as he kept his grip on her, biting down on his lip at her words as his eyes didn’t leave hers for a second. y/n reading all sort of emotions within them as the tension swallowed her whole. feelings she’d never felt before cowering through her as she couldn’t move an inch, practically frozen.

“that prick told me a whole lot of nothing.” logan harshly let out as y/n raised an eyebrow at his words, his hand on her throat slipping a little as his anger seethed as he spoke again no matter how much he didn’t want too say it.

“apparently you could’ve been hurt.” he spit out like it was venom, y/n’s eyes leaving his for a second at his words as she swallowed roughly. her action annoying logan senseless as her moved his hand roughly to her jaw, turning her face to look back up at him. her breath hitching at his action.

“so you were?” he casted out, his gaze not leaving hers for a second as his harsh eyes took all of her in.

“by what?—you and jean?” y/n mustered out harshly, his grip falling right back to her throat at the stupidness of her words as his grip was ten times tighter then it was before. y/n having never seen this harshness from him before, and to say she didn’t like it would be a lie.

“jesus don’t play dumb with me kid.” he shook out harshly, his words another level of harsh as heat flooded her body as he pushed himself closer to her as she was roughly held against the wall.

“what if i was?” y/n scoffed out seeing the flash off weakness in logan’s eyes before he swallowed, a scoff escaping his lips as the tightness around her neck loosened as she caught her breath.

it was like there was something working in brain as the words sunk in, y/n watching as he swallowed once again. moving his gaze away before roughly shaking his head, his hand slipping off her throat but the closeness was still there as he looked back to her. almost fighting with himself and y/n could read that all over his face.

“you’d be stupid because i love jean.” he grunted out coldly as his words hit her harshly as she tried to fight that feeling rising in her as she brung herself to nod, swallowing those words she so wanted to scream in his face right now.

“i know.” y/n spoke out lowly, not bringing herself to deny his words or even state anything about them regarding her as she felt the feelings of hurt take over her, her observing a hint of hurt in logan’s eyes as she felt the hole in her grow twenty million times bigger as she watched him take a step back— y/n biting down the emotions threatening to show as she looked at him. the tightness feeling still around her neck despite his touch no longer being present, something right now she was craving.

the air was thick with tension as y/n swallowed, not being able to look away from him, as she could see the look on his face. one of practical knowing, he could read through her half assed words.

“so why the hell did you ignore me for?” y/n roughly asked him as she changed the topic slightly, gaining control of her hitched voice again which was hoarse due to how logan had just been holding her throat. her voice enlaced with anger as she stared down at logan, him tearing his gaze away before shaking his head as he tried to form the words as he met her gaze again.

“you just—don’t—look i didn’t want to hurt you kid.” logan ushered out, y/n getting an idea of exactly what he meant by those words as she swallowed roughly as she fought to keep her gaze on him. the weight in the air horrible as the tension had switched to this sense of nervousness and awkwardness between them.

“you ignoring me hurt me.” y/n said harshly as logan swallowed as he teared his eyes away from y/n as he stepped back.

“i didn’t mean too.” he rolled out, fighting with the urge to do many things he just couldn’t as he looked over her. shaking the thoughts out his brain as he took in the look of hurt on her face, she wasn’t hiding well.

“sure.” y/n almost whispered out , the room falling silent as logan scoffed roughly at her words before shaking his head in retaliation as he then pressed the button to open the door, almost in a hissy fit as y/n’s eyebrows raised at his action.. “logan—“ she called out as he immediately left at her words as she went right after him without another thought.

“logan! wa-“ she called out, cutting off her own words and stopping in her tracks once she saw him standing in the hallway frozen. her gaze stuck on him until she observed where he was looking and followed his eyes until she landed on scott at the end of the hall, immediately swallowing roughly as logan’s eyes were locked onto his. the harshness present in his gaze and scott’s too as logan brung his dark gaze onto her.

y/n’s mind doing a huge spin as logan’s face held a cruel expression on it as he saw who was waiting for her, it being like another switch had flipped within him as y/n observed his jaw clenching and him biting down on his cheek as their eyes were on each other.

“think your boyfriends waiting for you bub.” logan muffled out rudely, his voice hoarse as he moved his gaze back onto scott giving him ome last glare before turning on his heel without another word and dissappearing down the hall. y/n scoffing at his words as she swallowed, debating going after him but her thoughts were stopped when she realised scott walking over to her.

“that didn’t go so well then?” scott commented softly, his eyes meeting her own as she shook her head straight away. the smile that was on his face dropping as he let out a harsh breath.

“not one bit.” y/n whispered out as scott gave her a sad smile, wrapping his arm round her side as the two started to walk down to the elevator.

y/n completely unbeknownst to the fact that logan watched as the two walked away, scott’s hand around her waist a burning picture in logan’s mind for the rest of the day as the anger inside him grew. his heart longing for something he couldn’t even mutter to his own brain out of fear for his strong the feeling was.

+ੈ✩‧₊˚

halloween had come and you wished it hadn’t. your usual favourite season been replaced with all this shit stirring inside you to the point when it come round you didn’t even know if you could even be bothered to go to the party but you knew you had no choice which is why once you started to get ready you and rogue pregamed secretly, her having got bobby to bring some alcohol for you two as a constellation prize for him not being able to come which he did of course.. he did practically everything she asked and seeing them so in love made you sick half the time no matter how happy you were for rogue it did just remind you of your own lack of love.

tonight the liquor burnt your throat harshly to another extreme and the second you started you wished you never but there was no going back — your feelings being swept under the rug as you and rogue finished your drinks as the two of you got ready. her doing your makeup as you hummed to the music playing on her speakers which drowned out the growing noise of the party downstairs as your mind swirled over logan and scott, who had ended up asking you to go with him to this party which you of course said yes too, whilst rogue tried her best to take your mind off it.

not that it was working the slightest bit. rogue knew about the argument — she had heard the story a good six or seven times since it happened two days ago and she couldn’t even comprehend it let alone you. ‘team scott’ was what she had been saying for the first remainder of the night whenever you spoke about it which now just made you shut up about it because you couldn’t think straight when scott’s name was in the mix.

the anguish and hurt that had been displayed on your face for the past two days disappearing by the more you drunk. feeling more carefree by the moment as you and rogue eventually made your way down to the party.

+ੈ✩‧₊˚

the party so far was a drunken mess from everyone around y/n as she locked eyes with logan for what felt like the 30th time in the past hour or so from the other side of the crowded living room. y/n roughly swallowing once their eyes met with his captivating gaze never dropping or leaving her own for a second and it had felt like that for the entire night despite his hand that was plainly wrapped around jean’s waist as they talked with wade and vanessa. y/n’s nose scrunching up as she observed that once again before she turned away burying her lips within another glass as she took a generous sip of the drink scott had got her.

rogue being in conversation with pyro who was playing with the hem of her shirt, y/n close to butting in just to make sure rogue was good because she knew how quickly she got drunk but she cut off with scott’s voice as he leaned over to her. his hand wrapping around her shoulder as he pulled her closer to her, the drunkness evident within him as every single time y/n saw him drink he seemed to get 10x more clingy.

“shall—we, shots?” scott rolled out as y/n met his gaze, a smile joining her lips at his drunk mess as she couldn’t help chuckle as he pulled her even closer to him to the point she was practically edging to be sat on him.

“we’re both far gone already.” y/n stammered out as scott couldn’t help a cheeky grin join on his lips as his hand stayed around her waist, his eyes focused up on her and his eyes were so heavily resembling a cute puppy dog through his visor she couldn’t stop the little blush coating her cheeks. her feelings amplified by the alcohol.

“cmon i’ve never seen you back down.” scott teased out, his voice a low and slurred whisper as y/n took in his words, them making her feel a number of things as she couldn’t stop herself from leaning over him as she grabbed two shots from the tray on the coffee table.

“it’s your fault if i start dancing in a minute.”

“oh, like dirty dancing?” scott referenced as he quipped his eyebrow up, y/n laughing at his words as she felt his eyes burning into her as she took the shot. y/n placing her shot back down on the table once she swallowed it as she looked back to scott, seeing how he hadn’t torn his eyes away from her, the shot still full in his hand as his eyes were focused on y/n as she smiled down at him, his hand keeping her close to him as she felt something inside her growing.

“mm definitely.” y/n chimed out as scott couldn’t hide the smirk that grew on his lips at the thought.

“good.” he said deeply as he took the shot right after speaking. y/n finding her mind a mess with his words as she moved her eyes back to the corner where logan was seeing him standing there, eyes narrowed on her but before the eye contact couldnt go prolonged for any moment longer as hank slid into the empty space in the sofa next to them between rogue and pyro who were clearly shitfaced already which captured y/n’s attention.

“where is my sanity?” hank rolled out as he sighed as he sunk into the sofa, y/n looking his costume up and down as she raised an eyebrow over it. scott leaning over y/n to see what he was, a smile on his lips as he saw it.

“frankestine you lost that many years ago.” y/n rolled out as hank gave her a look, scott laughing as it was the funniest thing she had said in the world as she could feel herself get daggers from across the crowded room. her swallowing as hank dug his own little grave into the sofa as she grabbed another shot as scott leaned back into the sofa, y/n unsubconciously leaning against his touch after putting the now empty shot glass on the table after downing it like it was water.

“yeah and what the hell are you?” hank casted out right before wade butted in.

“she’s wolverine if he was sexier and underage.” wade said lowly, giving y/n a little head bop with his hand as he made hank move over, wade sliding in next to y/n as scott scoffed at what he said as wades eyes dawned on scott.

“god you two move on quick.” he tumbled out, y/n shoving him in his side at his words as he fake winced in pain. hank rolling his eyes as he looked to scott and y/n.

“no! but you do make a good couple.” hank said tipsily as y/n felt her face going red as scott glanced over at her overviewing that sight as he felt a certain feeling grow in him at the knowledge. that familiar ache within her getting harder to have to deal with now as she pushed it down with another shot, scott sighing as she did so as he shot wade and hank a look which his drunkness made more obvious.

“yeah—quit it guys.” scott said lowly despite how he really felt about it as y/n leaned back into his touch, the closeness limiting her thoughts as scott brung his eyes over to hank only to be cut off with logan’s gaze from across the room.

logan’s eyes permanently dented onto scott as he sensed the anger radiating off him from across the room, scott having to cancel out the vision of jean right next to him trying to grab logan’s attention as he swallowed roughly with this making his grip on y/n tighter as he moved his eyes to hank. a sly smile on his lips as he could sense his rage from across the room which only got worse, that feeling making him feel good as if he forgot about jean being over there.

“frankie with the glasses got a point.” wade said swiftly as he dug into his pockets as scott sighed as y/n sent him a soft smile to let him know it was fine as hank decided to drown his emotions into the bottom of his glass. halloween music blaring through the speakers that nearly everyone in the room was dancing too, wade humming to himself as he brung something out his pocket.

“cocaine anyone?” he brushed out off the tongue as if it was nothing, y/n’s eyes widening a little at her friends habit as she felt her heart skip a beat as she looked over to wade as rogue leaned over hank with a raised eyebrow to see what was going on, her clearly judging him as y/n couldn’t help ponder over it for a second. but before she could even voice her little curiosity that wade could tell just from how she was looking at him she had the sound of the one guy she had been hating for the past two days, more like week, and who had been avoiding her like she was striker spoke up.

“put that shit away wade there’s kids at this party.” logan’s voice harshly let out which knocked y/n’s heart down a view pegs as she looked up to meet his gaze. his cold eyes not looking to her once as she noticed how focused he was on wade as his jaw clenched.

“wow you were watching me like hawkeye!” wade rolled out, “or too busy gawking at y/n still?” he said which installed an instant tension between the joint group as y/n swallowed a lump that had formed in her throat at wades blatant stupidness.

logan didn’t even buy into the shit he was saying, eyes narrowed on wade as he took a step closer to him past the coffee table as if that was a threat wade would notice or care about, “there are kids at this party wade. put it away.” logan followed out roughly, anger growing within him as he glanced over to y/n. their eyes meeting as his eyes lingered on her as he took in the way scott was sitting so close to her as if she was his to protect.

wade tutted at logan’s words as he raised an eyebrow at what he said, “it’s sixteen up peanut and they’re all doing this in the bathroom anyway aren’t they y/n?” wade waved away at you, “go on,go check with your mind.” wade said cockily towards you as he paused for dramatic effect as logan’s gaze narrowed even more on wade as he spoke up again as he looked back to logan, “see they are! loosen up cowboy.”

logan tutting as his gaze met y/n’s own before he looked back to wade, swallowing harshly.

“wade.” he growled out roughly, logan not letting his eyes move off wade’s for a second as y/n could see the anger deeply rooted on his face. scott scoffing as he decided to get involved.

“wade just take it somewhere else.” scott managed out, y/n’s eyes moving to his as his words hit the air as wade snorted in reply, a low laugh leaving his lips as scott was staring at logan. the uncomfortably in the situation rising so much y/n didn’t realise pyro and rogue sneak off together.

“i don’t need your back up.” logan scoffed out harshly, crossing his arms as he kept his gaze on wade not even tearing his eyes to scott. y/n finding his maturity ,lack there off, stupid as scott held back a sigh at his words as he kept his arm around y/n, deciding that was all needed to piss logan off right now as he didn’t even want to make a comment back or even have the energy too.

“this rooms full of adults.” wade chimed out, logan’s anger growing.

“wade— just fucking—“ logan started out only to be cut off by y/n’s voice.

“drop it logan.” y/n rolled out which made logan’s eyes fall down to her, seeing her all snuggly with scott making him another level of pissed off as he raised an eyebrow at her words.

“what? you joining wade?” logan growled out, his voice harsh and rude as y/n swallowed. scott going to butt in as wade observed what was going on, a sly smile growing on his lips as y/n spoke before scott got the chance too.

“just drop it. you heard wade.” y/n said back harshly to him which made logan tutt as he didn’t look away from y/n at all.

“sure i heard wade and i know you aren’t a fucking adult.” he bit out harshly, making y/n feeling a number of things as scott jumped in, “don’t talk to her like that.” he said harshly, logan’s eyebrows raising at scott’s words as he took in scott, looking y/n and him up and down before he bit down on his tongue. his anger having been raised by wade and now it was only getting worse

“or what? i’m pretty sure she can stand up for herself.” logan replied harshly which made scott’s anger rise within him as y/n got inbetween their words. hank and wade watching the three of them like it was a reality tv show.

“logan stop it.” she ushered out quickly, giving him a cold look as he met her gaze as the two stared at eachother, him not backing down for a second as she fixated her gaze on him. her heart unsteady at this prolonged harshness he had for her.

“is that all you can say kid?” logan scoffed out angrily which made y/n swallow harshly as scott’s grip tightened on her in a way of attempted comfort that right now was just making it worse. the pressure immense as wade’s eyes fell between y/n and logan. seeing how y/n was taking it, seeing through the demeanour. he could practically see her snapping. breaking.

“no. you’re an asshole and i’m not a kid, so leave it and fuck off too jean will you?��� y/n shapped out harshly, her words coming out strongly as all three of them on the sofa amongst her didn’t expect those words to come out her mouth, wade’s mouth falling agap as did hank’s as they tried to hide the shocked expression overtaking their faces as scott swallowed harshly.

the tension risen as logan’s voice was as he immediately came back at her, “you’re a little baby compared to everyone here and you know that, also you don’t get a fucking right to talk about jean.” his harsh words were like a knife to the side as y/n laughed at what he said as scott held back the urge to speak up when logan mentioned jean’s name, it just being a habit he had, as y/n kept her eyes up on logan as she swallowed down her feelings. anger being the only thing prominent in her brain for him currently.

“okay maybe you guys should take this somewhere else.” hank trailed off, sensing the seriousness of the conversation and defintely being able to hear the feelings enlaced within both their words as wade hushed him.

“no, no i just need to get my popcorn. keep going!” wade tumbled out which made y/n turn to look at him with a harsh look, wade seeing the emotion in her eyes as she left his gaze and she searched the sofa for rogue. it just being hank and wade right where rogue and pyro once were sat.

“where th—“ she stopped herself from finishing as she realised the stupidness off her words before she quickly remarked, “you’re an asshole.” to logan as she quickly got up, scott’s hand falling off her waist as she stood up as she got face to face with logan instantly walking right past him and disappearing into the crowd.

“see what you did!” scott cursed out as he tutted, going to stand up to get her when logan instantly stood in front of him. placing his hand over his chest as he pushed him back down.

“stay.” logan said strongly before he gave wade and hank a look before disappearing right after her.

+ੈ✩‧₊˚

y/n turned as many corners as she could as her mind become even off a spinning mess as she made her way out to the courtyard where it was completely pissing it down but she couldn’t care less in the moment, just needing air and a break to recollect her thoughts, as she tumbled down the steps. her heart aching as she heard the door slam shut a few seconds later after she had left them. soon the faint sound of footsteps following her making her feel a number of things as she heard nothing him call after her. “where the hell are you going?” logan yelled out after her as she kept on walking, him running after her and eventually catching up to her.

catching his breath as he roughly grabbed her wrist to make her stop in in the middle of the field as he turned her around to meet his gaze, her breath noticing as it felt like her world stopped at that touch as she couldn’t bring herself to meet his eyes.

“y/n.” he quickly let out with a raised voice so she could hear him over the pouring rain, the two of them getting drenched under the dark skies as she kept her gaze on him. trying to shake his hand off her own but he didn’t budge one bit.

“y/n!” he called back out when she didn’t answer — trying to grab her attention as he fought her way to finally look at him, swallowing a lump that was in her throat as their eyes met.

“what logan! what do you want? you’ve been nothing but cold and rude to me for a week and after what you just said to me there and what you said last time we spoke i don’t exactly wanna speak to you! so let go off me—“ y/n shouted out to him, her breath hitting a little as her voice broke a little as her confusing and distressing emotions got the best of her as they started to slip out.

logan’s breath hitched completely at her words as he grew more frustrated, “fuck, y/n! i —“ he cut himself off, moving his hand off her as he moved his hand through his hair in a stressful manner, not wanting to be sensitive at all but he could feel it all coming out as she felt her heart break as he took a step back. his shaky voice just being a reminder of everything he’s said before and how horrible he’s been recently, but it also reminded her off the man she thought she loved.

“what? logan? what!” she stammered right back out, her breath hitched as he looked at her. his mouth agap as he was fighting for the words. “i—“

“you what? you hate me? because good! i hate you too.” y/n tumbled out before turning on her heel, logan’s heart in his chest as he watched her as she started to walk away, just being able to make her out as the rain started to pour even harder. the chill down his back snapping him to reality as he quickly screamed back at her.

“y/n! for fucks sake, i’m in love with you!” he called back at her, his voice raised as he screamed that for her to hear through the loud harsh rain. y/n pausing in her tracks as his words hit her like a tidal wave.

her breath growing uncontrollable as she felt her chest rising, swallowing before she slowly turned back to meet his eyes. the distance vast between them as the rain filled her vision but she could see him, the rain pouring down on her face only making her emotions worse as she swallowed.

“what?” she yelled back at him, her voice shaking as she heard him curse under her breath.

“i’m petrified, y/n i’m fucking petrified because i love you so much it hurts.” he quaked out, his voice raising as his breathing became ragged and uneven, his body practically trembling under the coldness of the rain as he looked at her.

“logan—“

“no— don’t say anything else. just listen to me.” logan quickly spoke, taking steps over to y/n until he was a mere few inches away. her eyes dawning up on him as she swallowed roughly, her mind a mess.

“i get scared okay? i got scared because you, you’re everything. i got scared when i knew you felt the way i did i didn’t know how to deal with it. i don’t want to hurt you, i can’t. it’d break me in every way there is.” he rambles out strongly, “and i don’t love jean—i can’t when you exist.” he finished out, his words meaning everything as y/n kept her gaze on him.

her breath shaking at his confession as she looked at him wide eyed, his words hanging in the air as a thick silence grew. y/n taking in everything about logan’s face, the way he looked at her as she tried to wrack her thoughts around what she had just heard. questions falling through her brain as her mouth opened to speak, trying to find the words but instead of words she was met with logan’s lips against her own.

his hands falling around her waist as he pulled her to him softly, the roughness missing within this warm embrace as his kiss was full of desire and passion, the heated kiss making her feel a mixture of emotions as she let him take control of it. her body shaking due to the warmth from his body and the coldness from the rain soaking them as y/n’s drunken mind was lingering on one guy snd she couldn’t bring herself to admit who it was, not right now. her breath shaky as logan’s other hand fell down to her waist as he pulled her closer to him, her hand cupping his cheek as she kissed him back strongly.

the kiss growing more heated as he roughly bit down on her lip, a low whimper escaping her lip at his action as he groaned at just the way she sounded against him as he fought for dominance. the heat rushing between them as he pulled her as close as he could, wanting to taste every inch of her lips. her breath shaky as logan and her eventually pulled away from the kiss — his eyes falling down on hers as so much need for her was within his gaze as y/n looked up at him, her lips feeling swollen as she swallowed anxiously.

her not even able to say anything back or move, her body frozen as everything she had been fantasying about for the past year had just happened right there. and she didn’t know if it felt right or not.

she knew she loved him, she had for years, but as she looked at him now it was completely different.

and she couldn’t help but wonder why that heart ache she thought was down to logan was still present within her and no matter what she wanted to believe she knew deep down that she had fell so quickly and easily for someone else that standing here in front of logan the main feeling she had was guilt for kissing him back.

[batfambrainrotbeloved]

Bruce Wayne, mentor to many- father to none.

I want the angst of B having to come to terms that he doesn't know ANY of his kids not anymore at least and maybe never and the fact his kids are just- used to it?

Visiting Dicks apartment, he finds a picture of him smiling while surrounded by a bunch of little kids in spandax uniforms. Turns out he'd been a gymnastics instructor for about four years now and his most recent team had everyone qualify for state. (Bruce didn't even know he still practiced)

Jason stopped accepting Wednesday night patrols, but when he looked into it he found out that was the night he went to DND nights with his roommates every week. The roommates he met last semester after he decided to go to college and get an english major. (Bruce didn't even know he had applied)

Checking the library he found a small pedastal plague put up by Alfred displaying just one book. It said Cass was the author. Apparently she had gotten super into writing and published a book talking about language deprivation and lack of accomidation for deaf/hoh children born to hearing families. She had a book signing last month, Alfred had gone and grabbed this copy now on display (Bruce didn't even know she liked to write)

Tim finished a case early and let it slip he needed to sign off early to "meet up with his boyfriends" and hung up before Bruce could process. It only took a small glance at his middle child's latest social media post to see him alongside Superboy (what was his name?) and a blonde boy he didn't recognize. Both were leaned in to kiss his cheek and the caption said "Happy 3rd anniversary!!" (Bruce didn't even know he was interested in boys)

Steph's birthday came around and Bruce got her a new account and shoved a couple thousand for her to buy whatever she wanted. But he quickly noticed a pattern of everyone getting her- cat supplies? Apparently She had adopted a cat about a month ago to celebrate her new apartment, Mister Mystery was his name, and she had asked everyone for supplies instead of other gifts. (Bruce didn't even know she had moved)

He decided on some impromptu father-son bonding and tries to track down his youngest. But Damian is nowhere to be found. He gets pretty close to calling an emergency meeting but the moment he messages Oracle she reminds him Damian is in Chicago. Damian had won an art competition at school and his piece qualified for a gallery spot. The entire family had gone days ago and he was due back the next day. (Bruce didn't even know he cared about art)

Then Duke- his youngest in terms of time spent. But one he had grown fond of just as fast as the others. Especially working the day shift the time they spent was limited. Bruce got them both lunch, but it wasn't until halfway through eating that Duke had turned to him with panicked eyes and asked if the stew had shellfish. Duke had a severe allergy, thankfully Jason had been just up the street and had an epi-pen ready before they took him to Leslies. (Bruce didnt even know he had any allergies, let alone one so severe)

The worst part? There was no blow up. His kids didn't take his idiocracy as a personal insult or even raise a fight. They just rolled their eyes and moved on. As everyone crowded in the room, surrounding Dukes bedside he could hear Barbras voice. "Its not your fault, Batman may be omnipotent, but Bruce doesn't know anything really"

He wasnt meant to overhear or maybe he was, Oracle had always been petty But he couldn't refute it.

"But you have us"

Well- thats just it wasnt it? Even when Bruce was absent- his kids had each other. But was that ever meant to be enough?

[chubby-bun-bun]

untitled (part 3)

You reunite with your crow friend! But it seems to need your help with… a man?

part 1, part 2, part 3 (current), part 4

tags: sylus x reader, an au where you're an average citizen, slow burn, hurt/comfort, angst, mentions of blood and death, bossman is here yay

“Congratulations! You’ve just won the loyal customer raffle at Linkon Supermarket!”

“But I shop at Bloomshore Mart.”

“Yup, congratulations!”

You furrow your brows, eyeing the paper the delivery driver is enthusiastically waving in your face. Sure enough, it announces the conclusion of the famous supermarket’s year-end raffle, and there it is: your full government name printed neatly under “winner.”

Beyond his shoulder, you notice the other worker unloading boxes from the delivery truck. He’s dressed in the same uniform, with identical dark curls and also sporting a black face mask. He catches your gaze and gives a lazy thumbs-up.

There must be something wrong with your memory, because you could swear you haven’t stepped foot in Linkon Supermarket in years—let alone registered for their raffle. That place isn’t exactly known for catering to the humbler economic classes.

And it’s still 5:30 a.m. Have supermarkets always done graveyard shift deliveries?

“Thanks…” You squint at the driver’s name tag. “…Lukas.”

“No problem!”

Once the two workers finish unloading and stacking boxes of who-knows-what in your living room, they wave cheerfully before speeding off down the street. Half-asleep, you manage only a bemused wave in return.

You think you might’ve been cursed. Or blessed. It’s hard to say. Because ever since your crow friend escaped a week ago, it feels like you’ve already blown through a lifetime’s worth of luck.

In the span of days, you’ve gotten a raise and better employee benefits (odd, considering you’re still just an assistant manager), won lifetime vouchers for three of your favorite food spots, and now, apparently, won a supermarket raffle—complete with at least three months’ worth of groceries.

Rummaging through the boxes, you find they’re stocked with all your usual brands. Snacks, non-perishables, beauty products, household items—everything. Even fresh produce.

For the first time in a while, you won’t have to worry about going hungry.

—

You’re not sure why you’ve come back to the park tonight.

It’s late, and you’ve already visited the crows earlier, spoiling them with extra bags of peanuts thanks to your recent streak of good fortune.

The crows seem to wonder the same thing. While they peck enthusiastically at the peanuts, their beady eyes occasionally flick toward you, as if to silently judge your lack of anything resembling a social life.

Admittedly, you’ve been hoping to see your crow friend again.

You think you’re starting to come to terms with its disappearance. Life goes on, right? It’s just an animal, after all. It probably doesn’t feel the same complex emotions humans do—the kind that have you so affected by its absence after only a few days of sharing a space. (Maybe it was a one-sided friendship all along...) It probably just followed its instincts, leaving to do whatever it is that lone crows do.

Still, a petulant part of you feels bitter. Sure, it left behind a hoard of treasures—trinkets, gems, and gold so polished they must be real (though you’re not ready to think about where it might have stolen them)—but it could’ve at least waited for you to come home before flying off.

In hindsight, maybe it’s a good thing you never had pets. Your apparent abandonment issues would be a nightmare to deal with if they got lost, ran away, or died.

Suddenly, a familiar series of shrill caws pierces the air. Before you can process what’s happening, something crashes into your lap, a blur of loose black feathers hitting your face.

Could it be…?

The unmistakable garnet glint in the midnight-feathered avian’s eyes confirms it. Without hesitation, you scoop the bird into your arms, pulling it tightly to your chest, and press a rough, enthusiastic kiss to its head.

“Where have you been?” you exclaim, laughing as you nuzzle the void-like creature against your cheek, smothering it in an embrace. “I’ve been so worried about you!”

Its muffled caws are drowned out by your babbling. “Oh gosh—your wing! How is it?” you say, quickly pulling back to inspect it.

Its feathers look good—healthy, even. In fact, they almost seem brand new, gleaming like a freshly unboxed gadget. Its once-injured left wing no longer looks broken—or as you’d thought before, no longer resembling a mechanical part with a loose screw.

Before you can start fussing over it again, the bird suddenly wriggles free from your grasp and lands steadily on your lap. It caws again, but something’s different. It’s louder, more piercing—frantic. It paces across your lap, continuing to practically scream at you, as if trying to tell you something.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” you ask, your heart squeezing at the sight of its feathers puffing up with each stressed caw.

You try to pat its head, hoping to calm it down, but it jumps off your lap and lands on the ground, still cawing. The other crows, clearly spooked by its urgent cries, start to scatter. Bewildered, you bend down, attempting to scoop it into your arms again, but it evades you by hopping a few feet away, still cawing—loudly.

“What is it?” you say, exasperated. I can’t speak crow!

You step closer, bending down once more, but it hops away—again.

You stare up at the heavens. This has to be some cosmic joke. You can’t believe you’re playing this strange version of tag with a bird.

You don’t even realize how far you’ve walked, now a good distance from the bench you were sitting on. You’ve reached the darker area of the park, still desperate to grab the cawing bird and figure out what’s wrong. Then, without warning, your foot catches on a tree root. You stumble, and before you can recover, you hit the cold, wet ground with an unceremonious thud.

“Well, there goes my good luck streak,” you mutter, trying to push yourself up. Good thing nobody’s around to witness your embarrassing lack of coordination.

“Tell me about it.”

The sudden presence of a deep, unfamiliar voice makes you freeze. Heart pounding wildly, you scramble to sit up, eyes darting toward the source.

It wasn’t a tree root you tripped over. It was a leg—a stretched-out leg attached to a man slumped against one of the park’s statues. A huge, beautiful man, with silver hair and a pair of breathtaking garnet eyes, half-lidded and filled with amusement. He’s clutching his abdomen, the fabric there soaked in dark, ominous red.

Blood.

A field of red datura blooms. A starry night sky with the clouds beneath you. Mountains of gold against jagged walls. A burning plaza. A bloodied claymore.

You don’t register the ringing in your ears or the flash of blurry, unfamiliar images racing through your mind. Your gaze remains locked on the man’s injury. Before you know it, you’re shrugging off your puffer jacket and sweater. Now clad in just your turtleneck, you drop to your knees and press your sweater firmly against his wound.

You, waiting for your turn to walk on stage to receive your diploma. A university staff member rushing toward you. You, running out of the graduation venue. Two totaled SUVs. Three dead bodies.

Your pulse pounds in your ears as you work methodically. Stop the bleeding. Stop the blood. Apply pressure. That’s what you’re supposed to do, right? Just keep pressing. Don’t think about how much there is. Don’t panic. You fold the sweater tighter against the wound. Okay, stop the bleeding first. That’s all you know. Just keep the pressure steady. He’s losing too much. Is this enough? Should I tie it off? No, just keep pressing. Keep him alive.

The edges of your vision begin to blur. You have to save them. You have to save him. They can’t leave you. He can’t leave you. Not again.

“Sweetheart.”

The word, softly spoken, snaps you out of your trance. Your eyes lift to meet his, and the world seems to still. You’ve never met this man in your life, but the way he looks at you—it hurts. It feels like an ancient grief has surfaced from the depths of your soul.

You finally notice the state you’re in. You’re shaking. Badly. The cold winter air bites into your skin, sharp and unforgiving. Your palms are scraped from your earlier fall, but you hardly register the sting. The man’s hands—large and warm—enclose your trembling ones, grounding you.

And it’s like you’ve never known peace until this very moment.

note: can u tell the extent of my yearning to be spoiled with groceries LMAO

[ryukatters]

drunk in love — s. gojo ⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊

⟡ summary: you walk gojo back to his dorm after a night of drinking

⟡ pairing: satoru gojo x gn!reader

⟡ content/warnings: major fluff, underage alcohol consumption, boyfailure gojo, gojo calls reader pretty, mutual pining, drunken confessions, kiss kiss fall in love

⟡ wc: 1.4k

Satoru’s never been great at holding his alcohol.

The first time he got drunk was in secret inside of Suguru’s dorm room, late at night to ensure that there weren’t any teachers (read: Yaga) lingering in the hallway past curfew. His teacher did always seem to have some sort of divine intuition whenever it came to Satoru’s antics.

He had taken one shot and subsequently spat it all out onto the floor.

Satoru’s gotten better at handling his liquor, but he’s still very much a lightweight. That isn’t enough to deter him from refusing any shots Shoko or Suguru throw his way though, which probably isn't a great idea seeing how wasted your friends were. Which is surprising, because they tend to be a little better at handling their alcohol than Satoru. Chalk it up to wanting to celebrate for making it to the end of the school year.

It’s you who’s left to play damage control, considering how you were the only one still standing as the rest of your friends were all passed out on the cold hardwood floor of Shoko’s dorm, aside from one other person who’s currently gripping your leg, staring up at you, pleading like a kicked puppy.

Satoru was just as annoying if not more so when intoxicated. He couldn’t possibly sleep on the cold, hard, wooden floors…

…which is how you end up walking Gojo back to his dorm room. Though walking would be a very generous term, seeing how he’s using you as a human crutch, leaning most of his weight onto you as you struggle to keep the two of you balanced.

You try to usher Gojo onto his bed gently, but the boy seems to be too out of his wits to even do that properly. He unceremoniously flops onto his bed with a thud, banging his head against the wall in the process.

“Owww,” he clutches his head, pouting.

“That’s what you get,” you laugh.

“You’re mean.”

“Mean? I brought you all the way back here when I could have just let you sleep on the floor. That sounds pretty nice to me.”

His bottom lip juts out even further, much to your amusement. His sunglasses are hanging off the bridge of his nose, lopsided. You reach out to place them on his nightstand. His warm hand envelops your wrist before you can draw back, and brings your hand to cup his cheek. Maybe it’s alcohol and your decreased inhibition, or maybe its your own volition, but you can’t find it in you to pull away. You stroke your thumb against his pale, plush cheek, admiring the dimple that likes to make itself known when he smiles, just like he is right now.

Satoru runs warm. You’d think for someone with such an icy appearance and a reputation for being a cold-blooded sorcerer, his body temperature would follow suit. Maybe it’s because that frigidness is Gojo, the strongest, the honored one, and all the epithets that have burdened his shoulders from the minute he was born. But here, with you, he’s just Satoru— a boy with the brightest smile you’ve ever seen, who can’t shoot whiskey, and loves his friends endlessly.

“My head hurts,” he whines.

“Oh, you poor baby,” you faux coo, rubbing your hand against the sore spot that will definitely have a lump tomorrow. Satoru eats it up though, melting into your touch. He’s even clingier when he’s drunk, you realize. Cute, you might even add. But the thought leaves just as soon as it comes. You’re a lot less sober than you thought you were.

Gojo’s voice pulls you out of your drunken daze. “Can you kiss it better f’me?”

“What?”

“Can you kiss…kiss me instead? So it doesn’t hurt anymore?” He slurs.

“Satoru, you’re too drunk.”

“‘m not!” Whatever defense he has for himself fails as a hiccup escapes past his lips. For a second, you think he might fall asleep like this, leaning into you. But then his eyes snap back open with a determined glint.

“Wan’…wanna kiss youuu,” he closes his eyes and puckers his lips, waiting for you to close the gap.

“Satoru…”

Where do you even start? You thought you’d be okay ignoring the budding feeling in your chest that consumes you most days you’re with the white-haired sorcerer. Deflection is the only way you know how to avoid acknowledging whatever this was. And it’s been working, sort of. “You can’t kiss someone you don’t like.”

He pouts even harder at that. “I like someone! I like you,” he says adamantly. “Like, like-like you.”

“Like-like? What are we, in kindergarten?”

You try your best to redirect the conversation, you don’t think you’re ready to face the implications of the fact that one of your best friends has feelings for you. Mutual feelings, you might add— the same feelings that have been eating away at you for months now, and the same feelings you’ve elected to ignore.

He pouts for the umpteenth time tonight before he lets out a huff, falling back onto the mattress. He props himself up on a pillow, peering at you curiously. It’s almost like you can see the gears turn in his head when he smiles deviously, both of his freakishly long arms reaching out to wrap around your waist and bring you flush against him.

You can feel the hot puffs of his breath, and you will yourself to look at him. Satoru’s eyes have always been so easy to get lost in.

He breathes out your name, sickeningly sweet. “I really do like you. You’re so pretty and strong and smart— it drives me a little crazy.” Your head is spinning, and the innate urge to run like you’ve been doing all this time sparks through you, but the grip that Satoru has on you is too strong. “Want you to like me back, I’ll do anything,” he says honestly.

Gojo’s good at the chase, and you’re something he’s in for the long run. You can run and run until there’s nowhere else to go, until your legs refuse to carry you a step further. He’ll always be there to catch you.

His hand traces delicate patterns along the side of your neck, still a bit too far gone to notice how your breath hitches. “I’ll buy you whatever you want, I’ll get you a big house and we can live together forever. I’ll take care of you, do whatever you want. I’ll be so good to you. For you.”

You’re stunned into silence. Your heart is threatening to leap out of your chest. It melts when you look at Satoru, who’s looking at you with all the hope in the world. The moonlight seeping through the blinds of his window casts the most intricate waves of light, illuminating Satoru’s features perfectly.

Satoru thinks he’s holding the world in his arms right now. He’s preparing himself for rejection, but it’s alright, he thinks— because he’s good at everything he tries and he’s willing to try and try again and again for you, just for the chance to be yours.

“Tell me that again in the morning when you’re sober,” you whisper, as if you’re afraid someone else could hear you within the confines of Satoru’s room. Like the weight of your words were a secret you couldn’t bear to let anyone else in on, except for one person— your one and only.

You take a leap of faith. You plant your hands on his chest to steady yourself, placing a chaste kiss on Satoru’s forehead— a symbol of assurance of your love for him— something that’s been a part of you from the very moment you met him.

Satoru’s heart squeezes in anticipation. He hugs you even tighter, laughing at the yelp of surprise you let out. He has never felt as more of a winner than he does right now. “I’ll tell you everything sober or drunk,” he promises, unable to contain his giddiness as you (finally!) let him pepper kisses all over your face.

“Everything, as long as it’s with you.”

a/n: gojo can not handle hard liquor so he’s drunk off of some (shots of) smirnoff ice 😎

[hannieween]

neon lights | lights out series

Jeonghan had put what mattered most to him to be with you, and now that Joshua was finally coming to terms with the turmoil in his heart, Jeonghan had to face that too.

✮ pairings: yoon jeonghan x female reader x joshua hong ✮ genre: angst, fluff, smut [18+] ✮ aus: theatre director jeonghan, rockstar joshua, polyamorous relationship ✮ word count: 21.4k

› thank you @gyuhao5 for proofreading this for me 🩵

› 🎧: over you – haon | i want u around – yugyeom ft. de vita | mon amour – gemini | lock me in – hojean | good care – hhybs, asiatic.wav, and slchld | all i got – baekhyun | moonstruck – enhypen | one look – leo

→ season one — season two — read more

› warnings under the cut

✮ warnings: cheesy song lyrics that i had to compose, smut with plot, alcohol consumption, switch joshua, dom jeonghan, switch reader, long threesome scene, mlm action, degradation/praise kink, sloppy handjobs, mutual masturbation, heavy makeouts, blowjobs, face riding, pussy drunk joshua, fingering, cum play, cum eating, cum mixing, multiple orgasms, anal sex. pet names: princess, bunny, baby, good girl, (hers) handsome, babe (joshua & jeonghan)

✮ author's note: heyoooooooo (✿◠‿◠) it's here! it's finally here, i made it, we made it! i made it dkjgh. just as a reminder!! Bunny or Princess are stand ins for the Y/N nomenclature hehe. bye!

✮ acknowledgements: to @onlymingyus, @wonustars, @okiedokrie, thank you for keeping me up through this process, and for cheering me up when i had no hopes to get this fic out. thanks for staying w me and reading my fic 🥹🩵

✮ disclaimer: minors dni this post is intended for 18+ readers. please have your age stated in your description and try not to look like a bot please 🙂.

part vi

Three years before.

Joshua Hong was unattainable.

That is how Jeonghan saw him. He strode between the seas of people, waving, saying hi, smiling, and even pausing for a chat. Joshua was a rockstar. Even if he did not have a studio album, or was not signed to a label yet.

In his years of being in the theatre industry, getting to know so many people, so many divas, personas, alter egos, and so on and so forth, he had never met a natural, not like Joshua. He did not put up an act. He just shone wherever he went, and people gravitated towards him naturally.

It was his birthday, turning twenty-seven. Jeonghan threw him a surprise party under the excuse that it was a New Year’s Eve getaway. The party turned out to be a success, though he was the only one in the group of people gathered there who was having a bad time.

A girl happened to be sticking to Joshua’s side, she was pretty, fun, and lively. And also has had her eye on Joshua for a long time. Jeonghan did not need telepathy to know that Joshua would take her to his room upstairs. He could see it in his entire demeanor.

Jeonghan rented a nice house on the outskirts of the city. The open space gave him the chance to have a smoke. He sat on a bench near the bonfire. People resorted to either going to the jacuzzi, staying indoors, or on the terrace, keeping warm by the heaters.

Absentmindedly, his fingers trailed on the edges of the scar that was etched on the skin of his elbow, remembering the time Joshua painted a smiley face over it. Or the times he called early in the morning to ask how his recovery process was going.

Through the corner of his eye, he caught sight of the girl throwing her arms around Joshua’s neck, being reciprocated with his large hands on her waist. Joshua smiled, looking at her eyes, a slow smirk showing on his lips before he dipped his head, capturing her lips with his in a passionate, slow kiss.

Jeonghan’s insides twisted, yanking his gaze away from the intimate moment he had been prying on. But he could not help but sneak a look again, getting a glimpse of Joshua moving a hand from the chick’s waist to her chin, his lips kissing her bottom lip hungrily.

Misery swept all over Jeonghan. He should have known better. Before deciding to throw Joshua a party, he should have confronted the idea, or fact, that Joshua would have gotten a partner through the night.

Joshua then said something to the girl, seemingly excusing himself, turning towards the bench that was occupied by only one person.

“Fuck,” Jeonghan sighed, sticking the vape pen to his mouth to draw in a deep intake of the green apple flavor. As soon as he exhaled, he downed a generous gulp of gin and tonic. “Blegh.”

“If you hate gin and tonic so much, why have you downed three of these?” Joshua’s long fingers took the solo cup from Jeonghan’s grip, a smirk dancing on his plump lips as he took one sip from it.

To gather some courage. “It’s what gets me drunk faster,” Jeonghan said, clearing out space for Joshua to sit. He had been alone, looking at the partygoers without much care to strike up a conversation with anyone.

“Why are you getting drunk tonight?” Joshua let out a raspy sigh as he sat down beside him. “Mm?”

Jeonghan’s eyes widened, raising his eyebrows at his best friend. “I… don’t know yet,” he replied, removing his gaze from Joshua’s face with a tight feeling twisting his heart.

There was a clicking noise coming from Joshua’s mouth. “You know, I’m usually bad at communicating things,” Joshua spoke to the night sky, his dark eyes glimmering under the moonlight.

Shit. Jeonghan thought. There was no way out of this now.

“But…?” Jeonghan prompted. 

“But you’re usually not,” Joshua replied, lowering his gaze to meet Jeonghan’s. “What’s going on with you?”

“Tsk,” Jeonghan smirked. “Ah, it’s really nothing Joshuji. I want you to enjoy your party. I threw it for you,” he remarked.

“And I’m grateful,” he nodded, a shy but solemn smile drawn on his face. “You know, when I moved here, I didn’t know anyone. I was entirely alone and even though I made friends, I never thought I would be finding someone like you.”

“Like-like me?” Jeonghan breathed, his heart pounding nervously upon hearing his best friend���s words.

“Yeah, we understand each other, we have so much in common, and on top of that… you were kind to me. No one else was but you.”

“Aay,” Jeonghan smiled, shaking his head dismissively.

“I’m just being honest, Hannie,” he said, his voice turning echoey as he tipped the solo cup in his lips, taking in a gulp of Jeonghan’s drink. “So, are you going to tell me what’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing is wrong with me.”

Joshua sucked in a breath pensively. “I am really bad at noticing things, but one thing I’m good at is noticing when something is bothering you.”

Jeonghan cursed this wavelength he shared with Joshua for a flashing thought. He could not hide from him, even when he wanted to.

“Why don’t you go back to that girl? We can talk about this later,” Jeonghan said, mustering up a light smile.

“I will if you come with me. She actually said she would be up for it,” Joshua arched the eyebrow adorned by a piercing, biting his smile.

The invitation was not rare to Jeonghan. Joshua and he had shared a partner a couple of times before. It was all fun and consensual sex, but Jeonghan thought that it was the worst idea he could ever agree to that night.

“Then don’t go,” Jeonghan whispered, hating that he did not have the guts to raise his voice any higher. “It’s true. Something’s changed.”

Joshua dropped his act, quitting the mission of uplifting Jeonghan’s mood at once. “Oh. What is it?”

“I think I…” Jeonghan’s shoulders went slack when he let out a big sigh. “Joshua, I like you.”

Joshua Hong froze, but there was an understanding in his eyes. “Mm,” he nodded, looking at the bonfire in front of them. “Since when?”

“Since that stupid Halloween party,” Jeonghan admitted with a hollow laugh, cursing at himself under his breath. He dropped his head forward, cradling it with his hands. “At first I thought it was nothing, that I was going crazy, but I can’t keep it anymore from you. I’m sorry.”

That Halloween party. Joshua thought it was the most fun he had experienced in one night. Jeonghan, ever the chaotic guy, burst into Joshua’s apartment, holding two perfectly identical black suits, a white button-up shirt, and dark sunglasses. ‘Wanna be the K to my J?’ And Joshua, ever the loyal friend, said yes without a second thought.

That night, Jeonghan knew for sure, he was falling in love with his best friend.

But, as the logs cracked in the bonfire, Joshua remained quiet. He has experienced this before with other people, friends that have grown feelings for him. He has turned so many people down that he lost count a long time ago. But this time… it deflated him painfully.

He watched his best friend lift his gaze, looking at the stars as if they held an answer for him. “I need you to tell me that nothing will ever happen between us, Joshua.”

Joshua knew that having a friend who had feelings for you counted as half a friendship. And Jeonghan knew that too, so it was better to face rejection now and walk away with his heart intact.

“Nothing will ever happen between us, Jeonghan,” he said, and it felt like a blow to his chest.

Jeonghan nodded, dropping his gaze to his own hands clasped tightly together. He had dreaded this answer. Granted, he did not expect to hear the opposite. But it still hurt. “That’s okay. I’ll move on. Take this as a goodbye party for us.”

There was a heavy silence between them that for the first time in months of knowing each other, they did not communicate. One heart was burdened with the weight of rejection. The other had a choice to make.

“But I still want us to be friends.”

Jeonghan raised his eyebrows, turning his head to study his friend’s face. There, he found worry, his dark expressive eyes already glistening with loss.

“I mean, if-if you want to,” Joshua put quickly, shaking his head with a quick motion. “If you feel like you can’t be friends with me anymore, it’s okay. I will understand.”

Then Joshua dropped his gaze too, a detached manner surrounding his every move. It hurt, it hurt so bad. Joshua had just admitted how much he valued Jeonghan as a friend, and just like that, he was losing him in a moment.

Losing this friendship is what had been driving Jeonghan insane night after night after that Halloween party. The impossible choice that pushed him to lose his best friend forever, or continue living with the exhaustion of being unreciprocated.

“I think I’ll need some space to get over this,” Jeonghan said, his voice strangled by the painful feeling twisting his heart. Getting over Joshua would not be easy.

Jeonghan has had many partners throughout his life, but no heartbreak; he always kept himself guarded and everyone else at arm's length. Everyone except Joshua.

“I’ll give you whatever you need,” he promised at once, raising his gaze to match Jeonghan’s. “Tell me what you need, I’ll do it.”

At that moment, Jeonghan knew he had to renounce everything he felt for Joshua Hong. Whether it was attraction, a crush, or love, he would have to walk away from it. Jeonghan did not want to lose his best friend.

“I just need time,” Jeonghan tried to blink his pain away slowly. “I’ll forget about this, just give me time.”

Joshua nodded, full of certainty this time. He held out his pinky finger, raising his eyebrows once again. “You promise?”

Jeonghan looked at Joshua’s finger for one long second, then he looked at his eyes, lacing his pinky finger. “I promise,” he said, touching the pad of his thumb with Joshua’s in their secret way of sealing promises to each other.  

That night, Jeonghan made a promise not only to Joshua, but to himself as well. He would keep his heart well guarded until the right time came.

Now.

“You have one chance,” Jeonghan muttered pointedly, putting a hand on Joshua’s chest to help himself create some inches of distance. “Decide if this is what you truly want. Decide it now.”

Joshua frowned; firmly cupping the back of Jeonghan’s head still, not letting him go. “Wait,” he breathed, sucking in a breath as his brain started to swim. “I d-don’t know what I’m doing. I– I…”

“Then I think that we should stop. Right now,” Jeonghan replied, applying some pressure on his chest, but to no effect.

Joshua dared to open his eyes, shaking with a mixture of excitement and relief inside that it was hard for him to speak. “I don’t think I want to,” he blurted. “I- I don’t want to stop,” he decided, breathing raggedly still.

“You can’t do this, Joshua,” Jeonghan gritted, a part of him wanted to burst into a rageful bout again at him. “I can’t do this…” and then in a resigned way, he pleaded: “Don’t play with me.”

Joshua’s hand fidgeted on the back of Jeonghan’s head, slowly letting go of the hem of his hoodie. “I know—I know this is sudden,” Joshua whispered, licking his lips in nervousness. “Give me the chance to explain, please. I’ll tell you everything.”

At that Jeonghan desisted, ceasing to try and create some distance. While the fluttering sensation kept kicking inside him, the gears in his brain had started turning too. Joshua was his best friend; even if Jeonghan loved him, he could not let himself be the object of his exploration. If this failed…

“Is this what you truly want, Joshua?” Jeonghan reiterated with more urgency, his tone dropping to a mere whisper as well.

Joshua’s heart stilled for one second. In truth, the kiss had left him dizzy with overjoy and relief to find out the answer to the question he had been asking himself for weeks and maybe even, months. “It is,” he nodded, but then his brow furrowed. “Do you want to do this, Jeonghan? Do- do you still… Do you want me?”

Jeonghan mirrored him, placing a hand on Joshua’s nape as a sharp gasp left him. This time, they sealed their lips with an eager kiss, moving to explore each other. Jeonghan lifted his other hand, cupping his cheek to kiss him harder in euphoric fruition, eliciting a strangled moan from Joshua.

Kissing Jeonghan was sweet, even gentler than Joshua had ever dared to imagine all those nights as he watched and rewatched him with you in all those videos, and in real life. Joshua discovered that Jeonghan’s lips were soft, slotting between his perfectly, his tongue touching his in perfect sync.

“Should I take that as a yes?” Joshua exhaled softly raising his eyebrows in question.

“We have a lot to catch up with,” Jeonghan agreed with a tiny nod of his head. “But yes. The answer is yes.”

Jeonghan was nervous, his fingers trembling a little when he slid his hand from Joshua’s cheek to the nape, cupping the back of his head with both hands to then press a gentle kiss on his lips. Both of them were still solidifying their decision, giving each other shy, tentative kisses.

“I need to talk to Bunny,” Joshua blurted, pausing for air.  

“Don’t you mean we?” Jeonghan teased, smiling with the corners of his eyes.

“We need to talk to her,” he backed away reluctantly, still brimming with relief.

“Let’s go do that now,” Jeonghan motioned to the door, darting a look at his features to reaffirm that he was right. With a knowing smirk, he continued approaching the door, holding it open for Joshua.

“Yeah, okay,” Joshua gave one step to the door, then another, feeling lightheaded.

“We could take the elevator,” Jeonghan suggested, noticing the hesitant sway in Joshua’s movements.

As the doors slid close, Jeonghan crossed his arms, snorting out a laugh.

“Stop it,” Joshua warned.

“You really are full of surprises, Joshuji,” he teased, biting a cheeky grin.

Joshua slapped his best friend’s shoulder. “I told you to stop,” the tips of his ears were red.

“Alright, alright,” he stepped out of the elevator, calmly walking towards the apartment door.

There is no turning back now, Joshua thought, following Jeonghan down the hall, filling his tummy with one large gulp of air. Jeonghan was waiting for him, one hand on the handle ready to go in.

“Before we do this,” Jeonghan muttered, meeting his gaze. “Is there anything else you need to say to me?”

Biting his lip, he shook his head no. “Not right now,” he replied with another weary sigh. “Let’s do this.”

They exchanged a meaningful look, one that told years of knowing each other so well, that they were the extension of one another. This time, though, much like the last time they discussed their feelings, there was a gap between them. Joshua did not know what it was.

To Jeonghan, this was a fragile point in his friendship with Joshua. Granted, there were many times when he thought that the friendship would wane and come to an end. Ever since he found out about his feelings for you, a wall stood before him and Joshua, one that he would look over, or see through. But still, it was there.

But now, Joshua was finally tearing through that wall.

The moment was cut short when Jeonghan turned the handle, pushing the door open. Joshua’s expectations were quickly overturned when he found you standing on the kitchen floor, a hand flying to your chest.

“You startled me,” you gasped.

“Sorry, baby,” Jeonghan said with ease, casting an obvious look towards Joshua.  

Though not obvious to you. “I, uh… Listen, Josh,” you started promptly, looking at both your boyfriends with some shame showing in your features. “I owe you an apology.”

Joshua gaped at you as though he had forgotten how to speak. “What? No, baby, I should apologize. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. I shouldn’t have said those things to you.”

Your shoulders went slack. “Oh, so you’re not thinking of quitting the band anymore?” you glanced at Jeonghan, who only looked suspiciously shifty.

“No,” Joshua exhaled. “Baby, why don’t you take a seat? So we can talk. All of us.”

You looked at both men in utter confusion, they looked different somehow. And the weight of the tension between them startled you. “What’s going on?” you asked with caution. “Can’t you tell me right here?”

“Let’s sit down,” Jeonghan urged, and the nervousness about him did nothing to calm yours.

You skirted between them to take a seat on the armchair, bringing your knees up to hug them as a coping mechanism to keep yourself together. Then waited quietly, heart beating faster upon having the realization that there was more than both your boyfriends were letting on.

“What’s going on?” you repeated, following them with your gaze as they took a seat next to each other on the couch. When they did not reply right away, your tummy started twisting with worry: “Wha-what is happening? Jeonghan?”

You had grown used to their wordless exchanges of communication but could never know what they were planning. That still irritated you.

Joshua opened his mouth, holding his breath as he formulated in his head how to say what had happened on the rooftop moments before. His eyebrows drew in, flashing a worried look at Jeonghan.

“You’re so fucking bad at this, Joshua,” Jeonghan reproached, locking his sweet brown eyes with yours. “Baby, listen calmly–,”

“Wait,” Joshua placed a hand on Jeonghan’s knee, commanding him to a halt at once. “Be gentle. Don’t do this how I think you’ll do it.”

“She can take it,” Jeonghan argued back, throwing an annoyed look at him.

Joshua rolled his eyes swiftly. “I know she can, but I know you’ll be blunt and–,”

“We actually have talked about this before–,”

Your mouth was hanging open at the quick exchange between them. “I’m confused,” you quickly cut in. “Talked about what? Why are you being weird? Both of you.”  

Joshua let out a sharp exhale in utter frustration. “I kissed Jeonghan. We kissed.”

A numb feeling came over your face, barely able to feel your eyebrows lifting. It took you more than two seconds to fully grasp what Joshua had said. It became clearer to you as the seconds rolled on, there was no explanation needed. But it was still hard to come up with an answer with so little information.

Jeonghan noticed first that you were looking for more than a one-sentence explanation. “Baby, there is no better way to tell you this, we were talking, and it just happened…”

Your mind was reeling, blood pulsing in your ears that it was hard to hear what Jeonghan was trying to explain to you. Light-headed, your eyes swam to Joshua, then to Jeonghan as he continued speaking. Worry flashed across Joshua’s features, he moved his hand from Jeonghan’s thigh and then to his shoulder.

“Just happened? You-you’re t-telling me that…”

“Baby,” Joshua cut in. “Jeonghan, wait–,”

“What does this mean?” you asked an ecstatic rush of blood making you shudder in your seat.

“We haven’t talked about it yet,” Joshua sent Jeonghan a short look and he nodded. “We came straight to you so we could talk about it.”

“Well, what do you want to do?” you asked both of them.

They went still as they exchanged another one of those long looks. “Listen,” Jeonghan started with a soothing tone, turning to Joshua. “You need to think if this is all part of your exploration. Because I’d hate to be used as part of your self-discovery if you decide down the line that this isn’t for you.”

Joshua’s shoulders went slack, exhaling softly through his nose. You knew it was hard for him to voice what he felt, but it became more difficult for you to follow what was happening since they just communicated with one meaningful look that took over one long and silent moment.

Then you saw it, the long look progressing between them, and whatever they communicated seemed to dawn on Jeonghan, his eyes widened, his bottom lip parting slightly in awe.

“Since when?” Jeonghan asked meaningfully, his tone was low and for a moment, you knew it was hard for him to even utter the sentence.

“I wish I knew,” Joshua blinked slowly, raising his eyebrows in a sign of frustration. “I want to say that since the night of the first threesome. But I’m not entirely sure that it wasn’t since before that.”

“Is this why you were confused all this time?” Jeonghan frowned slightly, you had never heard him use that voice. It was similar to the one he used whenever he had a serious conversation with you. But this time it sounded slightly thicker, as if he were choking with some emotion that you could not quite place.

Joshua only nodded, pressing his lips together in a tight line. His throat bobbed as he seemed to be trying to gulp down the same emotion as Jeonghan.

“And you’re sure this is not just part of what you are trying to explore?” he asked, drawing out the last word in a way that was meaningful between them. “Because if it is… I don’t think I can take it.”

“Hold on,” you intervened, leaning forward to try and capture their expressions, to read them both at the same time. “Please, explain to me what’s happening. I’m lost.”

“Listen, both of you,” Joshua straightened on the seat, pushing himself to the border of the couch, trying to direct himself at you and Jeonghan at the same time. “I am not sure when it started, but I know that I feel attracted to you both. I think I felt confused because it’s the first time something like this has happened.”

“So you never felt jealous of Jeonghan and I?” you inquired, tilting your head to one side.

“I did, I don’t know,” Joshua let out a giggle in utter shame, rubbing a hand on his flushed face. “I think I was, but at the same time I never did anything to really put a stop to it.”

“That was confusing to me too,” Jeonghan muttered between his teeth, turning his gaze away, and planting his elbows on his knees. “Remember I told you?”

Joshua nodded. “I think I would’ve gone insane if you had told me that you wanted a threesome with someone else,” he told you as though he could not stop himself. “And when I asked you if you had feelings for Jeonghan, I understood. I was jealous, yes, but I was also annoyed that Jeonghan could do that to me.”

At that, Jeonghan started laughing. Nothing was funny, but tears brimmed in the corners of his eyes.

Joshua gave him a worried look. “It took me some time to understand that.”

Jeonghan sighed, gathering an invisible tear with one lithe finger. You ignored him, given that you were either too bewildered to reproach him for his attitude or even to understand why he was laughing. “How did you? I mean, how did you understand that you also had an attraction to him?”

“Well…” Joshua drew in a breath slowly, gathering his words. “I went away, and you guys started sending me the videos…”

Then you understood the reason for Jeonghan’s crazed laughter. The man chuckled lightly again, shaking his head.

“Don’t make me whack you,” Joshua gritted at Jeonghan, but you could see a light spark of amusement in his eyes.

“Alright,” Jeonghan raised his hands in surrender. “But it is kind of funny,” he coughed, and Joshua clicked his tongue.  

Your gaze fixated on them, feeling obfuscated still. “Are you saying you realized how you truly felt because of the videos?”

“Part of it, yes. I think the other part, the most predominant one, was also being with you both,” Joshua said tentatively, tilting his head to one shoulder. “I couldn’t explain why I wanted to see Jeonghan with you. I used to think that I enjoyed watching you two together but now I know. I like being with you both.”

A part of you was thoroughly convinced that this was bound to happen. You did not know why, but this was not totally unexpected. Joshua was very vague with his reasoning when he told you he wanted Jeonghan to be included in your relationship.

But hearing him say it was totally different. It made you feel elated, as though there was nothing that could make your relationship better.

“And what do you want, Jeonghan?” you asked, shifting your gaze to him.

Your heart dropped upon remembering what Jeonghan told you some days before Joshua came back: he had to renounce his feelings for Joshua. You understood how Jeonghan must have felt when hearing Joshua’s confession; he did not want to be played with.

Jeonghan fidgeted, brushing his knuckles against each other. His eyes were fixed on the floor. “I think I want this, but I don’t want to lie, Joshua, I am a little weary of the sudden change. Because it feels very sudden to me,” he took one breath, mustering up strength. “I mean, how are we going to do this? Are you going to be able to manage this?”

There was a shared understanding of what he meant. Joshua had been struggling to keep the relationship away from the media’s following and the perusing from his fans.

“From my perspective, it makes things easier for me,” Joshua shrugged slightly, pushing his bottom lip outward in a pout. “It gives me the chance to really allow myself to express what I feel.”

“So, do you want to keep it a secret too?” Jeonghan asked, and you understood what his inner conflict was.

“I want to keep both of you away from the public’s attention as much as possible,” Joshua explained, keeping a soothing tone.

Jeonghan eased back into the couch, nodding slightly with his head. “Okay, then,” he whispered to Joshua, then turned his gaze back to you. “Are you okay with this, princess?”

There it was, the reason why you loved them both. They could be a chaotic mess, but they would always agree on prioritizing how you felt.

“Of course I am,” you showed them a small smile, pushing yourself to your feet to approach them, standing in between them. They raised their gazes to look at you in an almost perfect sync. “There is nothing I would love more than the two of you figuring out your feelings for each other.”

“Are you sure, baby?” Joshua asked, gently grabbing your hand to kiss your knuckles, keeping his dark eyes on you. “We want you to feel comfortable with this.”

“I’m sure,” you nodded. “I want what’s best for us. I’m happy as long as we’re all on the same page.”

A small smile drew on Jeonghan’s face. Despite the initial nervousness he showed you, he looked pleased with your reaction. You ran a hand through the dark hairs of his long fringe, making him blink repeatedly.

“Is that settled then?” you asked meekly.

Jeonghan turned his head to look at Joshua, whose tired eyes turned remorseful. He squeezed his hand before he bent to give your knuckles another kiss. “I’m sorry for what happened earlier. I should’ve never spoken to you like that.”

“It’s okay,” you replied, returning the squeeze to his hand. “I pushed you to talk about it. It’s–,”

“It’s not okay,” he quickly cut in, but he was sweet about it. His tone was honeyed, and his eyes glistened as he glanced at you and Jeonghan. “I’m just too stressed, I feel like I can’t breathe sometimes.”

“We need to think of something, Joshua. You can’t just let your feelings bottle up,” Jeonghan said, but then, he coughed up a laugh. “Well, both of you.”

“Me?” you asked with a high-pitched giggle, making them smile at you. “I agree,” you said with a more serious tone. “I am trying to not do that anymore, you know?”

“We know, princess,” Jeonghan replied sweetly to you.

“I’m trying too,” Joshua said, then sighed.

“Have you heard of something called therapy?” Jeonghan joked, emitting a low chuckle when Joshua deadpanned at him, threatening to use his other hand to whack him. “Ah—Okay, I’ll stop! Don’t need to get violent!”

“I don’t get it, why not put the suitcase on the bed? It makes things easier!” Jeonghan said with a smile, sitting down on the pillows of the bed, leaning back against the headboard, phone in his hand, but his eyes were on you.

“Suitcase dirty, bed clean,” you replied, bringing a hand to your mouth to suppress a yawn.

“Oh, are you feeling sleepy, princess?” he noticed, a smile stretching on his lips. “I told you to pack everything earlier, you could be taking a nap.”

“I had that thing with Yena and then you guys surprised me…” you shrugged, folding things on your lap before putting them in the carry-on. “I’m almost done,” you gasped, making Jeonghan shoot you a glance. “I forgot that you asked me to trim your hair!”

Jeonghan’s shoulders relaxed. “Ah, princess, forget it,” he said. “I’ll just wait until we get back.”

You shook your head, shaking your palm frantically too. “No, no, no, let me finish packing and I can do it,” you said, folding your clothes a bit faster.

“It’s okay,” he insisted, discarding his phone on the bedside. “I need to go back to mine to pack a bag too.”

“So you’re not staying tonight?” you asked, wide-eyed in disappointment.

“I don’t want to drive all the way there and back,” he drew his eyebrows inward when you pouted at him. “What? Why are you making that face?”

“I thought you were staying the night with us,” you reproached, keeping your pout until your eyes started to water, completing a full sulky act. “Please stay.”

“But I have to pack my things too!” he replied, now chuckling at your childishness.

“Joshua can lend you clothes!”

At that moment, Joshua was returning to the bedroom, pocketing his phone in the pocket of his baggy jeans. “What’s up?” he asked, eyeing you and Jeonghan curiously.

You pointed at Jeonghan with one finger. “He’s not staying the night!” you said impishly, making Jeonghan laugh out loud.

“I need to pack my shit!” he argued back, keeping the light chuckle on.

“You don’t need it!” you said, trying not to laugh at yourself. “Joshua can lend you things.”

“I need my passport, princess,” Jeonghan said before Joshua could agree to your idea, which he was getting ready to do.

“Ah, that’s right,” you conceded with a sigh. You got up from the floor, reminding yourself to pocket your passport too. One of the drawers from your closet was the designated place for things that did not belong anywhere else entirely. That is where you keep your passport. “I made space in one of the drawers for you ages ago, Hannie.”

You sneaked a look at the man still lounging on the pillows of your bed. He looked panicked for a second, his mouth forming a syllable that he could not voice out. “I, uh, I forget to bring stuff in.”

Joshua noticed the same thing you did on Jeonghan’s face, a knowing look crossing his features. “You could leave some things here. It would save you the trips back to your apartment.”

Jeonghan gaped at Joshua for a second, but you were quicker. “Or you could move in,” you threw in abruptly, the words bouncing off your tongue so unexpectedly that you almost clamp a hand over your mouth.

Joshua glanced at you curiously. “True,” he said, keeping a loose demeanour as he walked over to the closet and pretended to fish out a clean t-shirt for himself. “You know, we’re in the brink of being booted out of here. We could start looking at options.”

A light frown appeared on Jeonghan’s perfect face, his eyes deadpanning from you to Joshua. You could hear the gears of his brain turning from the corner of the bedroom you were standing on. You fidgeted with the sleeves of your sweater, dropping your gaze to the floor before muttering: “I’m already looking at options.”

At that, Joshua could no longer keep his act, he blinked slowly, letting out a characteristic airy chuckle. “For us three?”

“Yeah,” you admitted bashfully. “I was thinking…”

Joshua stopped pretending to busy himself arranging things from his drawer and turned around so he could look at you and Jeonghan, who remained frozen, his face painted in pure bewilderment. “Go on?”

You sighed, dropping your fidgeting hands to your sides. You paced to the bed, crawling on it with your hands and knees cutely. “Well,” you sat back on your hunches, next to Jeonghan. “You spend a lot of time here already, Hannie. And Josh will finish his tour in a week and will be spending more time home,” you shrugged coyly. “I want it to be us three, you know?”

There was a silence, one that Joshua did not dare interrupt, but Jeonghan was silently agape. The frown on his face told Joshua that Jeonghan might have not been ready for a proposition like yours.

“Why don’t we leave this conversation for when I get back from touring?” he asked, keeping his tone cool. “We could go apartment hunting together.”

You caught the misdirect, nodding your head dumbly. “I’d like that,” you replied, sending a swift glance at Jeonghan, who still lay motionless beside you.

Joshua concealed a smile by turning his back on both you and Jeonghan, continuing to gather the things he intended to pack and those that needed a wash before packing them up too. He was unaware of Jeonghan stretching an arm, reaching out to give you a gentle caress on your thigh, snapping you from a trance.

“Help me trim my hair?” Jeonghan asked softly, drawing invisible lines with the pads of his fingers on your skin.

You looked at his pouty mouth and showed him a smile. “Of course, Hannie.”

“Are you okay with this, baby?” Jeonghan asked, following you inside the bathroom.

“I am, Hannie,” you said, motioning to the bathtub. “Sit.”

“Here. I grabbed them from your desk,” Jeonghan said, handing you a pair of scissors as he sat on the rim of the bathtub.

You grabbed them, giggling at how determined he looked. “This won’t do, Jeonghan,” you told him softly, putting the scissors on the sink’s countertop. “We have proper shears,” you said as you opened the mirror cabinet, taking the shears, a hand towel, and a comb.

“Ah, silly me,” he muttered, but you noticed his eyes were trained on every movement you made, wandering from your hands to your face.

“Yeah, silly you,” you replied with a soft smile. “I told you to get an appointment with the hairdresser.”

“I know you did. I forgot,” he said, his gaze trailing to the rest of your body. His teeth sunk on his bottom lip, that was how you knew he was trying to conceal a smirk.

“Did you?” you arched a brow, smiling with him when he could no longer hold it in.

“I trust you more with this,” he said with ease, even adding a small shrug.

“Please don’t get your hopes high. I’ve only ever done this once and it was to myself,” you sighed, running the comb through his hair. “Hannie, look down,” you said, giggling when you nearly poked his eyes with the teeth of the comb.

“Right,” he cleared his throat, tearing his gaze from you.

“Here I go,” you whispered, starting to trim down the edges of his hair.

The blades of the shears made a nice metallic sound, pairing with Jeonghan’s breathing. He sat still for you, his hands resting on his thighs.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this, baby?” Jeonghan asked, speaking quieter than before. His eyes were still lowered, but you could tell that he wanted to glance at the expression on your face.

You paused halfway through, but without removing the shears so he had no chance to move. You understood then that he did not intend on trimming his hair. This was what he had wanted to achieve from the beginning, to get you two alone to talk about the recent turn of events.

“Why wouldn’t I be, Hannie?” you asked softly at first, resuming to trim his fringe.

“I don’t know,” he mumbled quietly. “All I’m thinking is that if this is sudden to me, I can’t imagine what it’s like for you.”

“It’s also sudden to me,” you conceded with a hushed tone, worried that Joshua might hear from the bedroom. “But I think this is best for us.”

“Really?” he asked, but you knew this was the kind of questions he made to keep you talking before he got to the point.

“Yes, really,” you replied sweetly, ruffling the hairs of his fringe.

“Do you really think that?” he pressed, but there was no concern in his tone. He sounded almost surprised.

“I think that perhaps you both wanted this since before I came to the picture, you know?” you mumbled, focusing on trimming his fringe evenly.

“Even when I told you I didn’t have feelings for Joshua anymore?”

You paused. When you told Jeonghan about your argument with Joshua, his immediate response was to do whatever was within his ability to fix it, to make it all better for him. You did not know how their conversation happened, but you knew that Jeonghan would have done anything to break Joshua out of his anxious mind.

“Jeonghan, I know you’re sure about your feelings and I don’t want to question that…” you smiled to yourself, a distant feeling of déjà vu creeping in the back of your mind. “But I’ve seen the way you look at him. There are some things you can’t lie about.”

You lowered your hands to your sides, finally allowing him to raise his gaze to meet your eyes. He smiled softly. “Oh yeah? And how is that exactly?” he teased.

“You know how,” you shrugged meekly, trying to make the conversation end there. But he kept looking at you, expecting a real answer. “Sometimes you give him the same looks you give me,” you finished with a smile.

“Well, I just have one pair of eyes!” he said, chuckling playfully. “What can I do? I can’t give him different looks-,”

“I mean, you’ve told me that you think he’s sexy. You admitted that you liked him years ago. And you share a bed with him and me. Maybe those feelings never left, maybe…” you giggled nervously when he had to bite his smile to keep himself from laughing with you. “Maybe those feelings just went dormant for a time.”

“Oh, you really are an expert, huh?” he quipped, his gaze followed you as you covered your face in shame, laughing with him.

“I’m just saying that I don’t think it’s bad that you have always felt a certain way for him. It’s okay,” you reassured.

“So you’re really okay with this?” he asked, lowering his tone to a more serious one.

You nodded quietly, brushing his long hair with your fingers. “This will be good for us.”

Jeonghan raised a hand to find the curve of your waist, pulling you carefully to plant a kiss on your tummy over your clothes. “Thank you, princess,” he muttered, still locking eyes with you. “I never imagined this would happen. So I guess I should thank you for being so supportive.”

“Don’t thank me, Jeonghan,” you smiled. “This might be sudden but I’m sure we’ll work it out. I know you are on the fence on this still. But maybe just give him the opportunity to show you. You know how hard it is for him too.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Jeonghan mumbled, staring off at the distance.

“That is the truth,” you said matter-of-factly, smiling sweetly at him before booping his nose with the tip of your finger.

“What is?” he asked dumbly, finding your eyes again.

“I am always right.”

Jeonghan grabbed his phone from your bedside table and his car keys, glancing your way curiously. He clicked his tongue, smiling when he realized you were still sulking. “Don’t look at me like that,” he said with a flat tone.

“I’m not looking,” you replied meekly, turning away to pace back to the living room, knowing he would be tagging along behind you.

“Tsk,” without looking, you knew the smile on his face was wider as he said: “You’ll see me tomorrow first thing in the morning.”

“I know,” you rolled your eyes as you got to the living room.

“Then why are you sulking? What did I do now?” Jeonghan asked behind you.

Joshua lifted his head when he heard you approach. He was sitting on the couch, his acoustic guitar sitting on his thigh.

You crossed your arms, shrugging. “Nothing,” you mumbled, but stood some steps before him as he grabbed the handle to the front door with one hand.

Jeonghan straightened up. “Well then, I’m gonna go now, and if you don’t tell me what is upsetting you right now, then you’re going to have to wait until the morning.”

“What, you don’t do phone calls now?” you retorted.

“Nope. I’m not picking up the phone tonight, I need my beauty sleep,” he joked, but when you did not even show him the tiniest of smiles, he turned the door handle. “I’ll be going now, in three… two…”

Joshua smiled from where he sat, watching the whole exchange while knowing Jeonghan was just playing with you, and that you would fall right into the game.

Jeonghan twisted the handle and cracked the door open just a bit, the mischief in his eyes shining more when you dropped your hands on your sides exasperatedly.

“Fine!” you snapped. “I’ll tell you, just–close the door, okay?” you stammered.

The door was closed quietly and Jeonghan dropped his hand, turning to face you with a grin on his face. “I’m listening,” he cooed triumphantly.

You gaped at him for a long second, then deadpanned over to Joshua, who bit his lip to avoid smiling one more time. He knew you well, probably better than Jeonghan, so he knew that you had been letting some thoughts sit in your mind for a time. Those thoughts begin to bother you over time, showing in your every action.

Joshua shrugged slightly, figuratively stepping aside, and pushing you to speak from the heart, although he suspecting what was bothering you already. And Jeonghan started to suspect too.

You sighed in resignation, shying away slightly by pretending to scratch and invisible itch on your forehead. “You haven’t brought clothes yet,” you mumbled.

Joshua snorted quietly.

“Shut up,” you hissed, sending him a bashful look. He showed you his palms in truce, setting his guitar on its stand, and deciding to keep being witness to your conversation with Jeonghan.

“I’ve forgotten to do it,” Jeonghan replied, furrowing his brow a little. “You’re mad because I haven’t brought a change of clothes yet?”

“I emptied a drawer for you weeks ago,” you extended an arm, pointing to the direction of the bedroom.

Jeonghan’s mouth fell open a little, then he chuckled lightly. “Princess don’t tell me this is the reason why you’ve been pouting at me.”

“What if it is?” you lifted your chin a little in indignation.

“I told you I’d bring some clothes, but I forget,” he said, sending a meaningful look at Joshua.

“I’m not helping you on this one,” Joshua replied.

Jeonghan clicked his tongue once again. “Really?” he chuckled, shaking his head. “Alright, I’ll bring in some clothes with me next time. Happy?”

“We’ll see,” you huffed, but your features broke into a meek smile. “I just wanted you to stay the night,” you admitted.

“I know,” Jeonghan said, rolling his eyes. “But it���s been a chaotic day, and I haven’t packed my things yet. I really need to go now.”

“Alright,” you conceded at last and reached out to wrap your arms around Jeonghan’s torso.

Joshua giggled softly, watching from where he sat the way you tilted your head back to receive a small kiss from Jeonghan. His stomach twisted slightly as he watched Jeonghan make a trail of pecks from your forehead to your nose, finishing with a kiss on your lips. It seemed for a second that this was something of a routine for you.

Jeonghan cupped your face with his hands, looking at you for a short moment. “Love you,” he muttered softly.

At that, Joshua blinked away, wondering why he felt like intruding in the moment. “I love you too,” he heard you reply in a small tone, almost as if shy.

Nervously, Joshua looked up again, finding Jeonghan’s eyes flitting on his direction. Neither of them said anything, they just exchanged glances, trying to communicate something that still escaped both of their understanding.

The moment reverted Joshua to that night in front of the campfire, when Jeonghan first confessed his feelings for the first time. That night, they were both on very different pages when it came to their feelings. And now it no longer felt the same, but there was a lot to reconcile.

Joshua understood, and gave a tiny nod, which Jeonghan reciprocated with a tight smile, he opened the door and stepped out of the apartment, closing the door behind him.

You turned around, a confused look in your face. “Do you think he’s okay?” you asked innocently, shuffling towards the couch.

“Let him be,” Joshua said, reaching out for your hand as you came closer. “He’s okay.”

“Mmm,” you hummed thoughtfully, letting Joshua tug your hand, motioning to sit on his lap. “Was I hasty in inviting him to live with us?”

Joshua wrapped his arms around your body as you snuggled up to his. “A little,” he said softly, giggling at the worried expression on your face. “He knows that you were thinking about it way before we kissed. But I think that he and I need to work some things out before he decides on moving in with us, baby.”

“Yeah,” you said deflatingly, looking away. “Maybe I rushed again,” you brought your hands to your face, covering it in utter shame.

Joshua giggled sweetly, lacing his fingers as he hugged your body tightly to his. “Just give him some time, he’ll say yes.”

“You don’t know that for sure,” you mumbled, parting your fingers to sneak a look at him.

“No, but I know that he needs some time to warm up to the idea,” he said, and finding your expression cute he smiled, wrinkling his nose slightly.

“Ugh, I feel bad now,” you sighed, dropping your hands from your face.

“Don’t worry. He’s probably playing hard to get,” he added, expecting you to smile, but you started biting your lip, eyes lost on the distance. “Hey,” Joshua mumbled softly.

“Yeah?” you replied, looking back to him.

“Don’t overthink it, baby,” he said, squeezing your body gently with his arms. “He’ll say yes.”

You nodded, bringing a hand to cup his cheek, running the pad of your thumb on his skin lovingly. “How are you Josh?” you asked meaningfully, reading his face.

“I’m okay,” he replied with a sweet tone, knowing that you were looking to have a deeper conversation with him. “I’m truly sorry about the way I spoke to you earlier.”

“I know. Don’t worry about it,” you mumbled, taking your fingers to thread his brown hair. “Are you feeling better now?”

He blinked a couple of times when your fingernails scratched his scalp softly. “I feel less stressed, baby,” he conceded, but then he looked away, gathering his thoughts before adding: “I think I need to put more limits between my life and my career.”

“Why?” you asked, your tone low but sweet. You looked at him carefully, admiring the quiet calm in his entire demeanour. “What’s happening, Josh?”

He sighed, his gaze returning to your features. “I just feel like life is slipping away too fast and I am too slow to catch it.”

You hummed, weighing in his words while looking at his face. “What if what’s happening is not for you to catch it but just watch it pass by, savoring what’s really important?”

His features were taken over by a smile, one that you loved seeing on his face. It was fond and full of sweet love for you. He brought a hand to your face, pinching your nose gently. “You’re right, bunny.”

You sighed. “I always am.”

You woke up some minutes before your alarm went off.

Joshua had an arm draped over your waist, the other was tucked under your head, his bicep forming a dull pillow for you. Unaware of how long you had been laying like this, you tried turning over, facing your boyfriend who slept soundly. He decided to go to bed without a shirt on, so you were now face to face his bare chest, his pecs bulging some inches from your nose.

Without much thinking, you closed the distance, pressing a kiss on his chest, where his heart was. You nuzzled his chest with your face, breathing in the smell of his skin, enjoying the warmth he radiated. Slowly, you felt him stir back to life, waking up to your small acts of affection.

“Mmn,” he began, his hands searching your body to hug you closer. “What time is it?”

“Morning sleepy head,” you cooed softly, pressing another kiss on his chest. “It’s nearly five AM.”

“We gotta go?” he mumbled.

“Yeah, we gotta go,” you tilted your head back to look at his face. “We have meet with Hannie in thirty minutes.”

“Five more minutes,” he whispered, blindly finding your face with his lips, pressing them on your forehead.

“Okay,” you breathed, but you knew it would be more difficult for you to slip back into your dreams. That was something you would envy from Joshua, his ability to sleep whenever and wherever. But now, you just enjoyed watching him sleep, his soft breathing sounds the way his eyelashes seemed to tremble slightly as he slept.

Your fingers itched to reach out and caress his face, to outline the beautiful curve of his lips. For a moment, the love you felt for him brimmed so abundantly that you ached to grab his face and kiss it, interrupting his sleep again. But you stopped yourself, knowing that the alarm would go off soon, and he would get to lay in the peaceful bundle of warmth with you.

You thought of everything that went down last night, the conversations, Jeonghan, everything from the moment you met him. Part of you wondered if Joshua was as amazed as you were at the recent turn of events. Deep down, you knew something like this was bound to happen ever since the proposition of starting a polycule was presented by Joshua, but the fact that it had actually come to pass was a bit astonishing to you.

But you were happy that Jeonghan and Joshua had found an opportunity to air their feelings out. Somehow, you found it funny that they seemed to always find a way to fall together.

The alarm finally went off, and you turned over to reach for your phone on the nightstand to turn it off and turned again to face him. “Five more minutes?” he asked, letting out an airy giggle. “I don’t want to get up,” he mumbled, closing his arms around you tightly, pushing your face to his chest.

“I know, babe, but we have to, or we’ll miss our plane,” you muttered against the tight crevice between his pecs.

Joshua laughed at the muffled sound of your voice. “Why did we have to get the tickets this early in the morning?” he whined, but sounded more awake now.

“To avoid being seen? And also, we need to accommodate in the room, have lunch and you need to rehearse before your show tonight,” you reminded him, trying to create some inches between his chest and your face to take a fresh gulp of air. “Babe, come on, let’s go.”

“Okay, alright,” he smiled, shocking you with the way he was beaming some minutes after waking up.

“You’re in a chirpy mood,” you pointed as he let you go from his tight embrace. Rolling out of bed, you heard him click his tongue. “I mean it, you’re never this energetic as soon as you wake up.”

“I’m just happy to be finishing the tour already,” he sighed, jumping out of bed too.

“Mmm-huh,” you teased as you removed your sleep-wear.

“I’m serious,” he sighed happily. “The sooner I am done with this tour, the sooner I am back home.”

“Okay, yes, but are you sure you’re not also happy because of a certain someone?” you sneaked a look as you clasped a clean bra behind your back.

Joshua wrinkled his nose as he fixed the bedsheets and covers on the bed. “No,” he replied but the smile on his face betrayed him. “Well, maybe.”

“God, you two,” you clicked your tongue, shaking your head lightly as you changed your pants.

Joshua paced to where you stood, right before the wardrobe as you finished putting on your clothes. He circled an arm over your lower back, pulling you closer. “Are you sure you’re okay with all of this?” he mumbled, his morning voice sweet and low, but slightly raspy.

“Mmm, I have to admit it’s slightly surprising but, you know what?” you tilted your head back to see him. “I’m happy you guys are trying this out,” you said, wrapping your arms around his bare torso. “I think it’ll work out.”

“Yeah, me too,” he smiled softly, leaning his face so he could press a loving kiss on your forehead. “Me too, baby.”

The hotel room that Jeonghan had booked for you was so spacious that it did not seem intended for two people alone. “Why are there rose petals on the bed?” you asked upon arriving to the room and immediately deciding to explore it.

“I told the front desk we’re newly married,” Jeonghan said with a low chuckle.

“Why?” you asked slowly.

“For funsies,” he shrugged, pushing his sunglasses up to the crown of his head. “They gave us the bigger room, with a jacuzzi in it.”

“A what?” you blurted, looking at Jeonghan as he opened the double doors that you had suspected lead to the bathroom, which was spacious enough to host a jacuzzi, which was also adorned with two swan-shaped towels sitting on the brim.

“Pffft,” Jeonghan laughed at the towel swans, which were forming a heart as well.

“This is going overboard, Hannie,” you crossed your arms, sending a look at him when he smiled mischievously.

“You said no to jacuzzi sex, right?” he asked, trying to keep his expression blank, but broke into a laugh when you just glared at him. “Alright, alright, what do you want me to do? They gave us the bigger bed because I said we’re married!”

You conceded with a smile of your own. “I’ll tell you what you could do,” you shifted on your feet, walking away from the large bathroom and returned to the suite. “Buy me a ring next time, since you two love to rave about marriage.”

“What?” you heard him tagging along behind you. “You’re telling me Joshua has done this too?”

“Mm-huh,” you sighed, opening your bag to retrieve your laptop, placing it on the desk that was pushed to the corner of the suite and sat down.

“Really?” he sighed, and you tried to bite back a smile.

There was a knock on the door that made Jeonghan straighten his back, already knowing who it was. Joshua had been busy in rehearsals, and the flight over had been so short that Jeonghan had little opportunity to actually see and talk to him.

With visible hesitation, Jeonghan shuffled towards the door, opening it and turning his back right away. You looked at him through the corner of your eye, sinking your teeth on your bottom lip a bit harder upon seeing his blank face.

“Hi, handsome,” you chirped, looking at him cross the door of the suite with a confused look on his face.

“Hi, beautiful,” he replied, matching your tone. He glanced Jeonghan’s way once before approaching you. “Why did we get the luxury suite?” he asked, leaning down to place a kiss on your cheek.

“Ask Jeonghan,” you smiled at him.

Joshua frowned lightly and nodded. “Got work?” he motioned to the laptop, which you rarely used since you preferred working on your PC at home.

“Yeah, I have to review my draft before handing it over,” you sighed. After your chat with Yena, you agreed that you would turn in your first draft for the second book. You were submitting it on time, although there were some things you were not thoroughly content with, you could work them out later in the second revision.

“Okay,” he whispered, giving you a reassuring smile before lifting his gaze to find Jeonghan.

Jeonghan had opened the sliding doors to the balcony, where he perched his elbows on the banister, leaning over it to look at the city below him.

“Go talk to him,” you encouraged Joshua with a soft tone, seeing the reluctance in his eyes.  

“Yeah, I…” he breathed in, fixing his clothes awkwardly before stepping out on the balcony with Jeonghan, closing the door to give you some privacy to work and for them to talk. “Hey,” he muttered softly.

Jeonghan eyed him curiously. “Hi,” he mumbled.

There was a long pause, longer than Joshua would have liked, since he did not do well with deep conversations, especially those that required him to talk about what he felt first. But something had been bothering him ever since he sat with you and Jeonghan to talk about where the polycule would head, now that he had taken the decision to articulate his feelings for Jeonghan.

Seeing that this would be one of those moments, Jeonghan waited, redirecting his gaze to the city before them. They had a view to the ocean, so vast and mirroring the darkness of the heavy clouds above that announced an upcoming rain. The cold breeze also told him that much, brushing his hair back, blowing the flaps of Joshua’s plaid shirt.

“I uh…” Joshua looked back, seeing you focused on your work. He remembered the night when he realized he was falling in love with you, the pressure in his chest threatening to burst. Then he looked back at Jeonghan, and it felt differently. Like a calm ebb and flow that had been there for as long as he could remember. It was the familiarity he felt looking into those sweet brown eyes, the reassurance.

So he took a deep breath, knowing that his heart was safe, as long as he spoke truly. “Jeonghan, I know that you’re still weary of all this, of the suddenness of it,” he smiled despite himself, his nerves were making his voice quiver. “But I like you, I don’t know for how long I have, but I just wanted to tell you this to offer you some reassurance.”

Jeonghan narrowed his eyes, focusing on Joshua’s face for a moment before he turned to look at the wild waves lapping against the shore below. He nodded his head, weighing in Joshua’s words in silence.

“I want to see where this goes, not as a form of exploration, I don’t think I need to explore anything…” Joshua breathed in, turning so he could lean his back against the banister. He saw you back inside the hotel suite, and like a work of magic, your eyes found him too.

A meek smile drew on your face, and you scurried back onto your work. Joshua found himself smiling too.

“I’m ready for this,” he muttered softly, turning his head so he could get a glimpse of Jeonghan, who remained leaning on the banister, his elbows safely planted on it. His fingertips were tracing shapeless patterns on the scar in his elbow.

Slowly, Jeonghan stood up straight, his hands grabbing the banister firmly, as though that served as some kind of anchor. He thought what he wanted to say, what his heart felt ever since Joshua kissed him. There was a strange feeling running amok in his mind, one that he had only felt once in his life; the only other time he felt like this was the first time he kissed you. 

Jeonghan sent his gaze over the horizon, knowing that he only felt this way because this mattered to him. Joshua was his best friend, and upon looking into his doe eyes, Jeonghan saw the certainty in them, the quiet reassurance.

“If you say you’re ready, then I am too,” Jeonghan said, hating the fact that it did not take too long for him to yield, just one look at Joshua’s doe eyes and it was game over for him. So he had to do what he knew best, be a tease. He pointed one finger at Joshua’s face. “But if you screw this over, I will kill you.”

Joshua tilted his head back, releasing a sweet giggle that drove your gaze back to the balcony. “It won’t come to that,” Joshua said, his eyes turning into half moons.

“Well, consider yourself warned, so don’t even think about it,” Jeonghan joked, chuckling too. But his gaze fell upon Joshua’s dashing smile, the half-moon eyes, the tips of his ears growing red. The laughter died down, and he could no longer hear his own thoughts, just the ebb and flow of the ocean in the distance.

“Can I kiss you?” Joshua asked ever so softly.

Jeonghan would have died if Joshua had not asked that. He nodded eagerly, despite having nearly thrown a tantrum mere seconds ago. He leaned towards Joshua, meeting halfway through with a small kiss of pressing lips.

Both of them wondered if you were being witness to this, but the thought simply dissipated upon meeting their lips once again. Joshua hummed softly into the kiss, lifting one hand to cradle the back of Jeonghan’s head, pulling him for a deeper kiss.

Truth was, you had not stopped watching since you heard Joshua laughing. You kept a discreet eye on them as they talked, just as you always did, you liked watching them move in perfect synchronicity, the way they seemed to anticipate what the other said, their eyes never quite leaving each other. They spoke and moved with one mind.

So seeing them sharing a kiss ignited a part in you that you did not know existed. As the kiss deepened, they searched each other with their hands, Jeonghan grabbed Joshua’s wrist, his thumb swiping a line on the interior of his wrist, caressing softly. Joshua tangled his fingers in the dark mane of hair, both exchanging sweet hums as they tasted each other’s mouths.

“I always wondered,” Jeonghan whispered, his lip curling a little in a shy smile.

“What?” Joshua asked.

 “How your lips would feel.”

Joshua smiled into the kiss, robbing him of air when Jeonghan rolled his tongue into his mouth expertly, drawing out a moan from him. “Same. I wondered too,” he rasped.

“Is that why you were looking at me funny the other day?” he inquired, but then a chuckle came out of him when he knew the answer. “Oh, you idiot.”

“What?” Joshua giggled. “Would you have preferred me to kiss you then?”

Jeonghan thought about it for a long second. “No, I don’t think so,” he replied. “I panicked when you first kissed me. I don’t think I would’ve reacted the same way if Bunny had been there.”

“True,” Joshua agreed. “I think that’s why I didn’t do it either.”

“Tsk, idiot,” Jeonghan whispered.

Joshua just smiled. “I have to get going. Show is starting in two hours,” he said.

“Get going, then,” Jeonghan replied, motioning to the door. “Bunny and I will be there shortly.”

Joshua sneaked a look back at you, finding that you had been snooping all along.

Jeonghan followed the line of vision to you. “Did she see…?”

“Everything, she saw everything,” Joshua smiled, patting Jeonghan on the shoulder once. “Come on.”

Jeonghan followed to the suite, where you pretended to be focused on your screen, reading your manuscript. “Ah, princess, didn’t you say it was urgent that you submitted your draft?” Jeonghan teased.

“It is urgent,” you nodded, but you looked away quickly, biting your bottom lip.

“Why are you blushing, bunny?” Joshua joined, laughing at the meek expression on your face, trying to hide yourself with your hands.

“You look distracted, baby,” Jeonghan leaned over where you sat, looking at you with a knowing expression.

“Stop it,” you deadpanned, but you looked so flustered that it brought a laugh from both of them. “God, you two are a nightmare,” you mumbled, trying to form a wall with your hands on the sides of your face, focusing back on your laptop screen.

The air was buzzing with excitement in the theater as the audience waited the start of the show, their whispers and anticipation merging into a palpable energy that seemed to vibrate through the walls. You watched from your spot the seats filling in slowly, growing more and more impressed at the quantity of people around you.

Your seats were atop of the side of the stage, so you could clearly get a view of the staff coming and going, testing the electric guitars, getting a stand with drumsticks to place it beside Jihoon’s red drum kit. The stage lights came on briefly, startling the crowd for a second, making everyone think that the show was starting already.

Jeonghan came up to you, hugging your body from behind. “What are you looking at, princess?” he muttered, pressing a loving kiss on your temple.

“Just perusing from afar,” you replied, leaning against his touch. “It’s interesting to see what happens backstage.”

“Mm, remind me one day to take you to my job on opening night,” he hummed, laughing softly. “You’ll change your mind really quick.”

“You must have a little more faith in me,” you showed him a smile. “You forget I like a little chaos.”

Jeonghan paused, but then a smile spread on his lips. “You’re right about that,” he muttered. “You are a little bit chaotic yourself.”

You dropped your mouth in a faux aghast expression. “No, I’m not,” you chuckled.

His sweet brown eyes read the features of your face, and you saw them brighten with some mischievous idea. “Were you one of those haughty girls when you were in school?” he asked, laughing at your expression.

“What is that supposed to mean?” you asked, arching one eyebrow.

“Were you the kind that reminded the teacher to check the assignments?” he chuckled when you moved to push his shoulder.

You gave him an exasperated look. “I mean, I was the only one doing those assignments, and all for the professor to forget about them?!”

“Oof, I would’ve hated you in high school,” he asserted with a low chuckle.

“So you were one of those kids that slacked off in class?” you quipped back.

“Hey, I might have been a slacker, but I was still top of the class,” he asserted, blinking at you proudly.

“Shut up,” you giggled. “I would’ve hated you in high school.”

Jeonghan chuckled, encircling his arms around you to pull you tightly to his chest. “Good thing we didn’t meet in school,” he muttered, right before dipping to meet your lips with his own. “Although I think I would’ve had a crush on you.”

“Now you’re spewing nonsense, Mr. Yoon,” you said with a sweet giggle that sent chills down Jeonghan’s spine. “I was your typical nerd in high school.”

“What, like you’re not a typical nerd now?” he laughed when you just whined at him, pressing his lips against yours one more time. “I would’ve crushed on you so hard, no matter how much you got in my nerves.”

“Now that you mention it, you would’ve got in my nerves constantly,” you said with a smile. “But I do admit that I am a sucker for that.”

His eyes widened in shock. “Ooh, let me act surprised,” he joked. “Thanks for the confirmation, though.”

The crowd went alive with a loud roar as the lights of the stage and the theatre went out. Even with the lights out, you could still make out Jeonghan’s face, the smile on it as he looked at you. It warmed your heart to see that Jeonghan was happy, and in love.

“Show’s starting,” you pressed a kiss on his lips and turned around to face the stage that was covered by a thick layer of smoke.

The overhead lights lit up in warm orange and yellow colors, casting sharp shadows and building excitement across the crowd. Then one by one, the members of Midnight Haze started to show up, Jihoon making it to his drums without making it a show, sitting down on the stool, and grabbing his drumsticks. Then Vernon joined the stage with a gentle gait, grabbing the neon green bass guitar on the stand where his spot on the stage was and crossing the strap on his shoulder.

The crowd went crazy with a load uproar when the stage lights changed position, focusing on the center of the stage as Joshua stepped in, waving at the crowd with a charming smile on his face. He took his white guitar, throwing the strap on his shoulder with ease and grabbed the mic on the stand.

“Goodnight everyone!” Joshua’s voice boomed from the stage and through the whole theatre. The big screens showed him and his bandmates, all excited to perform their last show of the tour. “Ready to have fun?” he smirked, his fingers grabbing a pick from the stand and picking the first chords of his guitar.

Jihoon lifted his drumsticks in the air, bringing them down with a splashing sound to join the ruckus of the noise. The first song they played was one of the singles of his album. It was loud and fun and represented Midnight Haze perfectly. It was a rebellious song, that called for everyone to dance along.

And you could tell that the boys loved playing this song, it had them dancing on their feet or bobbing their heads to it. It was a song that you could tell they wrote with the sole intention of making the crowd loosen up and gear up for the show. And as Joshua sang the lyrics, he smiled against the mic, the camera capturing his perfectly beautiful face.

Woke up late, got my shoes on tight, Feeling good, and I'm ready for the night, Turn it up, turn it up, feel the fire, Living life on the edge, we’ll take it higher, All night long, we’re gonna shout it out, Come on, baby, let’s get loud!

The stage lit up in white lights, dancing on the floor and to the beat of the music, which resounded inside you, making you dance to it. Jeonghan was dancing along to it as well, rocking his head side to side, his long dark hair shaking as he did so.

The performance took off, showing the Midnight Haze boys’ skills as they played song after song, barely taking any rest. They only paused for water and for wiping off the sweat off their faces. Joshua looked tired after one and a half hours into the show, but the energy that he exhibited created an allure to him. Every time he was shown on the big screens, the crowd went crazy, and he smiled shyly at the uproar of the masses.

“How are you guys doing?” he spoke into the mic with big breaths, his hands set on his hips as the guitar hung on his shoulder. The crowd screamed and applauded, creating a loud buzzing noise that you imagined could be heard from miles away.

Joshua smiled only, looking at the sea of people with glimmering eyes. “This next song is called Euphoria. I hope you enjoy,” he said, and turned around to give his bandmates a signal by bowing his head.

Jihoon nodded, clashing his drumsticks once, twice, and then started playing a steady beat, to which Vernon followed with the bass and then Joshua joined in with a melodic riff of his guitar. Joshua danced with a soft sway as he came closer to his spot, and once the beat of the music prepared for the first verse, he lifted his lips to the mic.

She’s got a smile that could tear me apart, Like a haunting melody played on my heart, I reach for her, but she slips through my hands, A faded dream that leaves me weak. But until then, I’ll live with the fire, Chasing her shadow, longing for the desire She leaves me hanging on every word, Every promise she’s ever made has blurred.

It was a steadier song, unlike the rest. A ballad that still invited you to dance, but mostly to listen to Joshua’s soft voice swimming over the crowd. Jeonghan’s arms returned to wrap around your body, hugging you from behind so he could rest his head on your shoulder. You welcomed his embrace, snuggling up to it without removing your eyes from the stage.

“I wonder who this song is about,” Jeonghan said in your ear, and you could feel his lips curving in a smile.

Your heart gave a jolt against your chest, but you said nothing, instead, you just sang along the lyrics, knowing that in fact, Joshua wrote this song with you in mind; it told of the time when you and Joshua had not solidified a relationship yet, and you were giving him mixed signals, driving him and yourself crazy.

She’s the danger I can’t leave behind, I chase her shadow, but I can’t make her mine, Her smile’s a puzzle, a riddle untold, Her lips like fire, but her heart stays cold, Her love’s a fire, but it burns so slow, Like a ghost in the dark, she’s all I know, I’m caught in the spell, don’t wanna break the ties, I’m lost in the shadow of her eyes.

As you were watching him sing, you saw the raw emotion on his face, he frowned as he sing, closing his eyes, his chest swelling with each intake of breath. Then it hit you. Joshua could feel every emotion so intensely in his heart, that it was difficult for him to let it show, only being able to scream what he felt through music.

You knew that Joshua would never walk away from this, because as much as he loved being with you in the quiet, peaceful home you built with him, he also belonged on stage. You wondered then, what you would have do to protect that the same way he wanted to protect your privacy from the media and the world. You wondered, how would you do it now that Jeonghan was also your partner and Joshua’s too.

Jeonghan swayed his body, dragging you along with the gentle dance as he wrapped you in his arms. You turned your head at the same time he did the same, your eyes meeting with his for a long moment. Everything you had to go through to get to this moment crashed against your heart, robbing you of air. Jeonghan had to go through different challenged to get here, to be your partner. It seemed understandable that he would present himself a bit reluctant to agreed to Joshua’s proposition, and yours.

Jeonghan had put what mattered most to him to be with you, and now that Joshua was finally coming to terms with the turmoil in his heart, Jeonghan had to face that too, and although you did not know what was going on in his mind, you understood his reluctance. And would give him the time he needed to come to his resolve.

He smiled at you when your gaze swam all over the features of his face, leaning to give you a long, loving kiss.

Despite the exhaustion from the flight, the concert, interviews and such, Joshua looked at ease. Upon returning to the hotel room, he emptied his pockets on the small desk pushed to the wall of the room, and sat down on one of the chairs with a pleased sigh.

Jeonghan snorted, taking off his plaid shirt to discard it on the other chair, and sitting down on it. There was no need to say that Joshua was feeling more relaxed with himself now that he had taken one thing out of the way when he confessed his feelings to Jeonghan. Even the air felt different between you and them.

“I’m hungry. Shall we order room service?” Jeonghan asked as he removed his boots.

You were also taking off your jacket, neatly moving it on a hook to put it inside the small closet space. The question drew your curiosity, eyeing your two boyfriends sitting on each chair. Jeonghan had his knees spread, leaning his back in a relaxed position. Joshua had just taken his black converse off, sending a look at Jeonghan.

“Uh, right now?” Joshua asked, glancing your way and then back to Jeonghan.

Jeonghan raised his eyebrows. “Are you not hungry?” he asked, but the brightened look in his eyes told you he was trying not to smile.

“Yeah, but I was thinking of taking a shower,” Joshua replied, his tone cautious, much as if he were not disclosing part of his small plan.

“You can shower while we wait for food,” Jeonghan shrugged, his mouth kept in a pout, and that was how you knew for sure, Jeonghan was teasing Joshua.

“We can shower,” you cut in, knowing what Joshua had been trying to get at. “And later when we’re done, we can order food,” you said, throwing a look at Jeonghan. “Stop teasing him.”

“Who, me?” Jeonghan blinked, raising a finger to point at himself.

“Yeah, you. Stop it,” you giggled at him, but walked to Joshua, nonetheless, grabbing his hand. “Let’s go.”

“I’m not invited?” Jeonghan rose to his feet as well, following you and Joshua to the bathroom door.

“You’re invited to watch if you promise to behave,” you conditioned impishly.

“I can’t make promises like that,” Jeonghan said, raising his palms at you. “But I’ll try.”

“Do try,” Joshua punctuated, smiling softly at the childish exchange.

“Ah, I’m just playing with you, Shuji,” Jeonghan said.  

“We know,” you and Joshua replied in unison.

You started the shower, wasting no time and moving to push Joshua’s flannel shirt off his shoulders. You were glad for a moment that Jeonghan had taken your warning seriously, because he stood by the doorway to the bathroom, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed as he watched you get rid of Joshua’s clothes piece by piece.

“You were amazing tonight. I liked the show a lot,” you mumbled, sneaking a look up to his face as he watched you undo his belt, pulling it from the belt loops and letting it fall on the floor.

“Thank you,” he replied in kind but lifting a hand to pinch your chin gently. “Did you dance a lot?”

You nodded, undoing the button of his washed denim pants. “With Hannie,” you replied to his question. “We had fun.”

“I’m glad, baby,” he said with a sweet tone, starting to take your clothes off as well.

Once you were both standing under the stream of warm water, Joshua pulled you in for a hug. As soon as your bodies came into contact with each other, your pulse quickened too. The shower was spacious, its walls were made of crystal, so Jeonghan got a view of Joshua’s hands running all over your naked body, caressing the line of your back with his fingers.

Jeonghan could not remove his eyes from the image before him, he had never felt so attracted to two people at once. It was the best he could ever ask for, being so in love with you and at the same time, being able to finally express what he felt for Joshua aloud.

And Joshua was, for lack of a better word alluring to Jeonghan. Everything about him was attractive, his eyes, his lips, the way the muscles of his abdomen and legs shifted with every move. Jeonghan had been thinking about it ever since he saw Joshua performing on stage earlier.

You closed your eyes, lacing your fingers behind his nape to pull him into a kiss. “You looked so hot on stage,” you blurted on Joshua’s lips, ignoring the sound of your own voice, breathy and sweet.

“Really?” he smiled into the kiss, pressing his lips on yours softly.

“Yeah,” you sighed, as his hands travelled farther down your back, parking on your ass and giving it a squeeze. You giggled nervously, sending a quick look at Jeonghan, who remained watching everything from afar obediently.

Joshua followed your eyes, his beautifully chapped lips curling in a shy smile when he found Jeonghan staring from the doorway. “Are you eager for tonight, princess?” Joshua asked, pressing his hands against your ass to bring your body against his tightly.

“Eh?” you turned, looking at him in confusion. It had been ages since Joshua called you that. And you mostly just expected Jeonghan to use that name on you.

Joshua smiled with his eyes knowingly, bringing a hand to cup your cheek so he could hold you in place as he gave you a gentle kiss. “Jeonghan and I will fuck tonight,” he whispered against your lips, smiling when you sighed a moan. “Are you okay with that, baby?”

“Of course I am,” you replied, your tone sugary and breathy at the same time, showing how aroused you were already.

“That’s my girl,” he said, pressing another kiss on your lips.

A shudder invaded you, making your blood dance beneath your skin upon the thought of watching your boyfriends fuck. “Let’s wash you up,” you breathed, making him laugh at your eagerness.

“Okay,” Joshua replied, letting your hands wash every inch of his skin as thoroughly as possible, covering his beautifully tanned skin with soap bubbles.

Once you finished washing up, you covered your body with a bathrobe as Joshua dried his brown hair as best as he could with a towel. Jeonghan was waiting on the bed, you imagined he sat down at first, but as time went on he leaned back, propping his body with his elbows. But he stood up when he saw you coming back to the bedroom, and you noticed he was nervous.

You sat on the edge of the mattress, smoothing your hands over the creamy white duvet. “Can I watch?” you asked shyly, looking at both of your boyfriends standing before the bed.

Jeonghan tilted his head slightly to one side. “What do you want us to do, princess?”

This was a new part of the relationship that you were nervous about, nearly afraid to explore. But also, so eager. Seeing Jeonghan’s reaction back in the shower had given you the idea of simply watching your two boyfriends exploring each other, loving each other freely.

So you just shrugged. “Whatever you both are comfortable with doing,” you replied, mostly looking at Joshua.

You were about to be reminded that neither of your boyfriends lacked daring. Sure, they often needed a little push, but you just had given them what they needed. Joshua did not lose time, grabbing Jeonghan by the back of his neck and giving a firm tug. Jeonghan met Joshua halfway in a brief kiss. The first kiss looked featherlight, as if they were being careful, meeting each other again.

But you could see how quickly that cautiousness dissipated once they got a taste of each other’s mouths. Diving for another kiss, one of them grunted and it was hard for you to know who it was who made the breathy sound. They were at each other’s lips, a light dance of exploration, tasting and revelling themselves at the touch.

Jeonghan lifted his hands, blindly searching Joshua’s chest, caressing with his fingers until he stopped his touch at the hips, pulling forward. Their bodies touched, and Joshua responded with a muffled moan, sinking his fingers in Jeonghan’s dark hair, and forcing his lips into a harder kiss, which Jeonghan reciprocated at once.

You were completely mesmerized. The sight was too alluring, too irresistible to even blink. You were not only caught up in the need to feel them on your lips, to feel their touch, but you knew what each of their kisses felt like. You knew how it felt to be touched by Jeonghan, you knew how it felt to be kissed by Joshua.

You leaned back on your elbows, looking at your boyfriends kissing each other, exploring their bodies with satisfied moans. Joshua started ripping every piece of clothing on Jeonghan’s body with no shame, starting by stripping him off the white t-shirt, and then the baggy blue jeans.

Once they got rid of everything putting a barrier between their skins, Jeonghan moved a hand under Joshua’s jaw, holding it with ginger fingers as he kissed the apple of Joshua’s cheek, who opened his eyes slowly, his plump lips parting slightly in desire as his gaze found you. “Are you enjoying this, baby?” 

You nodded silently, biting your lower lip to mask your smile. Your gaze dropped to their bodies, pressed together, Jeonghan’s hands cradling Joshua’s face moved down on to grab his ass, his lips making a trail of kisses on Joshua’s neck. “Hannie don’t bite me,” Joshua giggled airily.

Jeonghan detached his mouth from Joshua’s skin, both moving simultaneously to find each other’s lips with a brief kiss, their wet lips creating a soft smacking sound that had your blood sizzling beneath your skin. Joshua leaned his forehead against Jeonghan’s, licking his own lips right before his hands travelled down Jeonghan’s back, circling to grip him by the hips and tug him closer.

You shuddered at the sight of them moving at the same time, neither asking for permission nor stopping to test each other. Their hands explored each other, Joshua leaned to trap Jeonghan’s lips in a long, wet kiss as his hand circled Jeonghan’s dick by his pretty length, pumping him a few times, just as Jeonghan grabbed Joshua’s veiny shaft with equally languid strokes.

At that, you could no longer resist yourself, sneaking a hand between your legs, parting the flaps of your bathrobe. The tip of your finger glided between your slick folds, making you moan at the much-desired contact as you watched your boyfriends moan in each other’s mouths, stroking each other languidly. 

They stopped kissing, sharing one long look as their hands moved on each other’s dick at the same pace. Jeonghan sent you one glance and smiled, making Joshua do the same, his gaze finding you on the bed, legs parted, stroking your clit, circling it with your fingertip, rubbing your arousal all over your cunt.

“I think Baby likes this,” Jeonghan said, turning his face to Joshua’s.

“Fuck,” Joshua breathed, swallowing back a moan.

“Mmn,” Jeonghan hummed, diving for another open kiss on Joshua’s neck that ended up with a light grazing of his teeth against his skin.

“Fuck, you–,” Joshua gritted in pleasure as his body tensed visibly.

Jeonghan laughed, stumbling back when Joshua used his hands to push him to the bed, he sat before he let his body lean back, his happy eyes finding you. “What do you say, princess, should we punish Josh for being so damn emotionally constipated, or do you want him to take the lead tonight?”

Joshua stopped, just as he was making a move to climb on top of Jeonghan’s body on the bed, his knee hiked on the edge of the mattress. “What?” he blurted. “What did I do now?”

“I’m asking her, not you,” Jeonghan bit back.

You liked your lips, burning in utter desire. “I think we should use him,” you nodded, smiling at the glint in Jeonghan’s eyes.

“Mmn,” Jeonghan pretended to ponder for a second, raising a hand to pinch your chin. “How do you want to use him, princess? Do you want to fuck yourself on his cock?”

A smile played on your lips. “Can I keep watching, Hannie?” you asked, batting your eyelashes.

Jeonghan mirrored the smile, but his was slow and triumphant. “Of course, baby,” he cooed, running the pad of his thumb on your bottom lip, which you nibbled at softly. “Get him on the bed.”

You gathered yourself on the bed, crawling on your hands and knees to the foot, where you sat back on your heels. You had to raise your gaze to find Joshua’s, darkened by wanton need, his pouty lips parted slightly.

“Are you there, Josh?” you asked with a honeyed tone.

The pout turned into a smile slowly. “You’re turning on me,” he accused, but there was nothing in his tone to indicate that he was displeased with the idea of Jeonghan being in control for the night.

“I’ll make up for it, babe,” you replied, keeping the sweet tone on him. “I promise.”

Joshua smirked, bringing a hand to cradle your cheek. “I expect nothing less,” he mumbled, locking his lips with yours in a featherlight kiss that had you emitting a low moan at once. The thought of Joshua’s lips meeting yours after making out with Jeonghan gave you a different lure.

You reached for his hand, taking it on your own, his long fingers warm and calloused from playing the guitar for hours. “Come here, big boy,” you whispered, pulling him softly to the bed, where he was already pressing a knee on, so he just followed you, obediently lying down between Jeonghan and you.

“Take your robes off, princess.”  

Sending a quick glance at Jeonghan, you nodded at him. “Okay,” you mumbled.

You did as he said, looking at Joshua’s long and toned body lying on the bed, his skin adorned with droplets of water here and there, his hand resting below his sternum. He did not shy away from your staring, smiling softly at you when your gaze lowered to his hard cock, stirring proudly on his lower abdomen, and leaking in precum.

Jeonghan was lying on his side, propping himself up on his elbow, equally as alluring. His damp hair dripped on the covers as he leaned his head to one side, his gaze gliding over Joshua’s body, unable to focus on one part of him. They looked at each other for a second that stretched out, only breaking when Jeonghan inched closer to Joshua.

You watched as they met in a slow, wet kiss, neither of them paused before it, like joined by a magnetic force. Jeonghan’s lips trapped Joshua’s lower, outlining it with his tongue. The response your body got from watching them kiss was like no other, you could not believe you could feel so intensely from just looking.

Joshua raised a hand to cup Jeonghan’s nape, forcing a hungry kiss. You saw a glimpse of Joshua’s tongue, licking Jeonghan’s bottom lip before their tongues met briefly, continuing to kiss each other with abandon and a hunger that only incited your own.

Jeonghan moved his body on top of Joshua’s neither breaking the hard kiss, their hands roving on each other’s skin freely, as though they were aching to touch each other like this for years. Joshua’s hand circled Jeonghan’s waist gripping him with gentle fingers as Jeonghan lowered his body on top of Joshua’s, meeting each other wholly, skin on skin.

One hand had remained on Jeonghan’s nape, and you saw Joshua’s fingers curl around the dark mane of hair, pulling softly, but demanding more. “Behave,” Jeonghan stilled, his lips lingering on Joshua’s, moving sensually with each word: “Or I’ll use your belt to restrain your hands.”

Joshua smirked briefly before pressing a kiss on Jeonghan’s lips. “That sounds fun,” he replied with his honeyed tone. “But I’ll behave. Just for tonight.”

“Brat,” Jeonghan spat.

“Are you surprised?” Joshua bit back, arching his pierced eyebrow.

“Don’t make me consider using the belt,” Jeonghan grunted, but his commanding tone fainted as he dipped his head on Joshua’s neck, pressing quick kisses on the curve of his shoulder.

“What if I want it?” Joshua giggled, having his fun by challenging Jeonghan.

“I don’t want to do that the first time I fuck you,” he said slowly. “Besides, I want Princess to have her fun too,” he muttered against Joshua’s neck.

“Fuck,” Joshua tensed, squeezing his eyes tightly. “But you never bite Bunny like this,” he complained, his tone waning too.

“Because she bruises like a peach,” Jeonghan giggled, sending you a look. “Do you still have that bruise, baby?”

You bit your lip, nodding. “Yes, Hannie,” you raised one knee toward the ceiling, revealing a glimpse of your inner thigh, very close to your pussy. There was a bruise, small but still visible and greenish.

“So that’s what it was,” Joshua smirked, his eyelids fluttering when his throat was grazed by Jeonghan’s teeth, making him moan.

“Do you like that, Josh?” you asked as Jeonghan made a trail of lovebites on Joshua’s neck and collarbones. You enjoyed Joshua’s eyes glazing over, his mouth parted as he nodded with his head dumbly.

“Yeah. Feels good,” he muttered faintly as Jeonghan placed an open-mouthed kiss on one of Joshua’s pecs. In fact, Joshua was over the moon. His heart going a mile per hour as he looked at your face flushed in expectation, while Jeonghan littered his chest with kisses.

You saw Jeonghan placing a wet kiss on Joshua’s pec, stopping to lick a circle around Joshua’s nipple right before grazing at it with his teeth. You had to press your thighs together upon feeling a slight jolt of nervousness that shot straight to your core.

Joshua groaned quietly in pleasure, a slight frown appearing on his face. “Are you enjoying this, baby?” he asked, opening his eyes.

“Yeah,” you breathed, and Joshua smiled at you briefly, right before Jeonghan sank down, placing a wet kiss on his hipbone.

“Don’t you want to touch yourself?” he mumbled, his tone waning as his hand found Jeonghan’s head, threading his fingers in his hair.

“Stroke your clit, princess,” Jeonghan muttered, raising his gaze to find your blushing face. And you realized that they had noticed your body tensing.

Before you did as he told you, you lied back on the covers beside Joshua, keeping your gaze trained in his hands, gripping the base of Joshua’s cock, jerking him off a few times again, his lip curling upon hearing the raunchy and short moans that spilled from Joshua’s parted lips.

You planted your feet on the mattress, parting your legs slightly to sneak a hand in, rubbing the pads of your pointer and middle finger on your swollen bud. A moan escaped you at once upon finding your cunt swollen and sopping wet, but all focus was on Jeonghan’s hand, jerking Joshua’s cock with a playful look on his face.

Then Jeonghan leaned over to wrap his mouth around Joshua’s swollen cockhead, dragging a deep moan from him. You moaned with Joshua, the sight alone might have sent you into your climax, watching Jeonghan slid his pretty mouth up and sinking down Joshua’s big cock was out of the ordinary alluring for you.

“Fuck,” Joshua gritted out, his eyes focused on Jeonghan alone, watching his cock disappearing in Jeonghan’s mouth.

Drool gathered on the corners of Jeonghan’s lips as he took Joshua’s cock farther, the tip hitting the back of his throat, feeling every vein of his shaft as he pulled his mouth up, swirling his tongue around the bulbous head.

Jeonghan’s eyes flitted to you, as you fingered yourself to the pace of the bobbing of his head, which he pulled up, his lips wrapping around Joshua’s cockhead made a wet sound as he detached his mouth from it. “Sit on his face, baby,” Jeonghan muttered softly at you, motioning with the tip of his nose at Joshua’s face.

You bit your lip, and nodded, clumsily gathering your limbs on the bed to crawl to the head of the bed until you stopped right before the pillows and Joshua’s shoulders. “I’ve never sat on your face,” you realized with a nervous giggle.

“Really?” Jeonghan clicked his tongue, repeatedly. “You’ve never let our baby sit on your face? Bad boy.”  

Joshua showed you a smirk, blinking slowly at you. He extended one arm at you. “Come here, baby,” he said, and you stood on your knees, placing each one on the pillows at each side of Joshua’s head. “Sit,” he commanded, grabbing you by your hips with his large hands and bringing you down, forcing you to sit your cunt on his face.

“God,” you muttered nervously as his mouth started to work on your pussy lips, licking a fat stripe on your folds to lave at your arousal. “Oh god,” you parroted. Now you were face to face with Jeonghan, getting another angle of him pleasuring Joshua’s cock.

Joshua added a little bit of pressure with his hands on your ass, forcing you to move your hips slightly as he made out with your pussy, giving it broad strokes with his tongue. You moaned, trying not to close your eyes as Jeonghan bobbed his head up and down, sinking his pretty mouth on Joshua’s cock, you noticed that his own cock was hard, and leaking with precum.

Jeonghan lifted his eyes to you as he continued sucking Joshua’s cock, who repeated the motion of his hands on your hips, forcing you to move. Jeonghan pulled his mouth free smiling as he said, “He’s telling you to move, princess.”

“Eh?” you asked dumbly, lifting your hips from Joshua’s face, looking down at him. “Am I hurting you, Josh?”

Joshua giggled, the sound sweet and slightly muffled. “Not at all, baby,” he said. “Just grind on me a little, it’ll feel good.”

“How?” you frowned.

“Just grind your pussy on his tongue, baby,” Jeonghan added right before he took Joshua’s cock in his mouth, smirking as Joshua moaned loudly.

“Fuck, baby, do it now,” Joshua growled, using his hands once again to bring your ass down to his face.

“Oh god, okay,” you blurted, placing your hands on the mattress for support and started swaying your hips gently back and forth, rubbing your pussy on Joshua’s tongue. “Oh god,” you moaned once you felt the pleasure building up fast.

It grew quiet for a second, the silence interrupted only by your moans and Joshua’s as you started grinding your pussy on his mouth at a faster pace, and Jeonghan bobbed his head, matching your pace too.

Joshua moaned loudly against your pussy, the sound lewd and sweet and so telling that he was close. But the warning did little for Jeonghan, who was pulling his mouth from Joshua’s cockhead as ropes of cum spurted from the reddened tip, disappearing once Jeonghan ran his tongue all over the mess, picking up the cum from Joshua’s cockhead and shaft, cleaning him off with soft hums of pleasure.

Seeing Joshua come on Jeonghan’s mouth inched you closer to your own orgasm, and Jeonghan read it on your face, heard it in your moans. He leaned over Joshua’s body, trapping your chin with his hand to plant an open kiss on your mouth, making you taste Joshua’s cum too.

The motions of your hips became fast and short, rubbing your pussy on Joshua as you reached your climax. You moaned loudly, shaking on his mouth as your orgasm shot up your body, sizzling beneath your skin from your cunt to your face.

“That’s it, baby,” Jeonghan cooed softly, enjoying the face you made when you came. Your jaw went slack, eyes rolling back as you closed your eyes, savoring every second of your high as you finished grinding your pussy on Joshua’s tongue.

The covers were soft on your skin once you slumped and rolled over on the large bed. You sighed a moan, as Jeonghan caressed Joshua’s thighs. He was breathing hard as well, his pretty doe eyes closed but he smiled and then said, “That was amazing,” he rasped.

You turned your head on the pillows to look at him. He was equally fucked out as you were, panting hard, his eyes dreamy as they found yours. “Yeah,” you sighed. “Are you ready for more, babe?” you asked.

Joshua nodded, and for one moment, Jeonghan was thrown back to the day he met Joshua, realizing he had hosted an attraction ever since, letting it grow but ever so slowly. He leaned over, pressing his bare chest against Joshua’s to plant a kiss on his lips.

“What do you want?” Jeonghan asked slowly, and you saw the brief pause, the tip of his nose bumping with Joshua’s before he met his lips with his own.

“Fuck me,” Joshua breathed, bringing his hands to cup Jeonghan’s head, his fingers tangling in the mane of dark hair. “Fuck me like you’ve always dreamed of,” he said, his words rising in a tone of desperation, as though he had been holding back the thought of it for days, weeks.

“Umn, what makes you think I’d ever dreamed of fucking you?” Jeonghan teased, propping one kiss on Joshua’s lips with a playful manner, just like he always did with you.

“Please,” Joshua breathed, closing his eyes slowly and swallowing hard. “I want this—I want you,” he said, the words tumbling out of his mouth before he could stop them.  

“How do you want me?” Jeonghan asked, and you quickly understood what game he was playing. Teasing Joshua with swift, fleeting kisses on his skin, asking questions that would lead him to beg for Jeonghan to fuck him.

Joshua parted his mouth, craning his neck for Jeonghan to leave a love bite on his throat. “I want you inside me,” he drawled out without shame, closing his eyes to enjoy the torturous kisses that Jeonghan left on his skin.

“Mmn,” Jeonghan pursed his lips in a mocking expression. “You could take my cock in your mouth, is that what you want?”

Joshua rolled his eyes in a near exasperated look. “You know what I mean, Jeonghan.”

“Do I?” he tilted his head ever so slightly.

You snorted.

“What?” Jeonghan asked, turning to see you.

“Don’t act like you don’t want this, Hannie,” you smirked.

Jeonghan shrugged lightly. “Got me,” he said with a matching smirk. “I just wanted to hear him beg a little.”

“Can’t you leave that for another night?” you raised your brows.

“Please,” Joshua sighed, and then laughed.

“Alright, alright,” Jeonghan laughed as well, crushing his mouth on Joshua’s. “Only because Bunny’s right and I do want this just as bad as you do.”

“Then get on with it,” Joshua muttered against Jeonghan’s lips.

“God you two are the same. So fucking needy,” Jeonghan complained, chuckling lightly. “Put one of your knees up.”

Jeonghan sat back on his haunches, reaching to grab the bottle of lube he had placed on the nightstand. He rubbed the slick liquid on his fingers on one hand as he supported himself with the other. Then, he leaned to kiss Joshua, and they kissed deeply, both moaning into the kiss as Jeonghan took his lubed fingers and stopped before Joshua’s balls.

Jeonghan paused, detaching his lips from Joshua’s to look at him in the eyes, then his fingers inched further down, the pointer finger caressing Joshua’s entrance, circling it with the tip of his lubed finger. Jeonghan bit his bottom lip, looking at Joshua’s facial features dissolve and change into pleasure.

A shudder went through your body. You knew how it felt like, to have Jeonghan’s fingers in you, stretching you out for his cock slowly, testing what made you go off, what made you beg for his cock. You licked your lips in anticipation, fixating your gaze on Joshua’s face.

“Tickles,” Joshua laughed lightly, shaking with some nervousness and anticipation.

“Is it cold?” Jeonghan asked, like he was having a normal conversation with his best friend. But in fact, he was nervous too.

“A bit, yeah,” Joshua replied. “But it’s okay.”

“Okay,” Jeonghan nodded, pressing the tip of his finger on Joshua’s entrance, and sinking an inch further.

Joshua’s mouth parted, letting out a silent groan. “Oh,” he frowned slightly.

“Good?” Jeonghan stilled.

Joshua nodded. “Keep going.”

“Okay,” Jeonghan pushed in another finger on Joshua’s entrance, lifting his head to look at you. “Touch yourself, baby.”

Jeonghan kept going, adding a third finger, cautious of his touch so he kept it gentle, focused on Joshua’s face to see any signs of discomfort.

But Joshua could have melted into a puddle of pleasure and anticipation for more, he wanted more, and more, more. “Please,” he whispered. “More,” he said, understanding the situations where you had been in his place, revelling at the fact that he was living one of the fantasies that he had lived through you.

You cradled Joshua’s cheek with one hand, commanding his doe eyes to yours before you gave him a sweet kiss. “You’re doing good, Josh,” you muttered with a light tone.

“Princess,” Jeonghan commanded your eyes to him, motioning to the condoms on the nightstand. And you understood perfectly without him saying it. So you sat on your knees, reaching to grab the condom and ripped the package with your fingers, and carefully grabbed the condom, rolling it on Jeonghan’s hard cock to his hilt.

“Thank you, baby,” he whispered, receiving your soft kiss on his lips. Then he pushed a fourth finger in, having Joshua’s thighs tensing in both pain and pleasure, making Jeonghan stroke his own cock with his hand, lubing himself up.

Jeonghan pressed one hand on the mattress for support, as the other guided his cock to Joshua’s entrance. You looked at Joshua tensing up slightly, but diffusing his own nervousness as he took in one deep breath. They shared one look right before Jeonghan pressed the tip of his cock against Joshua’s entrance, and started sinking in, inch by inch, slowly.

Their mouths parted at the same time, but ever so slightly. “Fuck,” Joshua breathed, closing his eyes.

Jeonghan cursed under his breath too, retreating his hips one inch, then sinking back inside Joshua. “Good?” he breathed, looking at Joshua expectantly.

“Great,” Joshua replied in kind, lifting his other knee to his chest, opening himself more for Jeonghan’s pretty cock.

Jeonghan started rutting his hips against Joshua’s ass, pushing his cock further with each stroke. You knew how it felt, to have him inside you, to be stuffed full of his cock. You could no longer take the pleasure brimming inside you, and tarted stroking your clit with your fingers, dipping them inside you to rub your slick all over your clit, and started swirling your fingers around it, unable to drag your gaze away.

“G-god,” Jeonghan closed his eyes, pushing his hips at a gentle pace, the pressure building inside him showed on his face, on the vein popping on his forehead and neck. It felt so good, so tight, he was becoming addicted to it quickly, starting to thrust with more abandon.

“Fuck,” Joshua gritted again, his hands grabbing onto the bundles of bedcovers, trying to anchor himself to something before he lost all self-control. “J-jeonghan…” he moaned, his voice breaking in uncontrolled need for more, and more.

You saw as Jeonghan’s muscles contracted and went lax with each stroke of his hips, his face contorted in pure, sweet pleasure, matching Joshua’s expression too, who tried to keep himself angled for Jeonghan’s cock. The dancing of their bodies was too seducing, too enticing. Pressure burst inside you, blooming in every part of your body, its tingling lingering on your skin.

You moaned lewdly, unable to look away as Jeonghan fucked Joshua slowly, his eyes flitted to your face and smiled. “Princess,” he whispered, as you trembled in the gentle waves of the orgasm that consumed you.

“Mmn?” you replied, breathing heavily.

“T-touch him,” he commanded with an urgency that you understood well, pushing his hips against Joshua desperately.

You rolled on the bed on your side, lifting your body with one elbow to take Joshua’s cock with your hand, rubbing the slick on your fingers all over his shaft. Joshua moaned, blinking repeatedly as his eyes focused on your face.

“You close?” you muttered lightly, and Joshua nodded with sharp motions. You rolled your hand on his cock faster, your eyes wandering to where Jeonghan met his hips with Joshua’s ass, thrusting his cock faster.

“Fuck,” Jeonghan moaned loudly, louder than you had ever heard him before, he closed his eyes in pure pleasure and breathed raggedly. “I’m there.”

Both looked at each other before they started making the rawest, sweetest moans as they came undone at the same time, ropes of cum spilling onto the back of your hand as Jeonghan pushed thrusted sloppily against Joshua, spilling himself into the condom with raunchy moans that made you want to moan with them too.

Jeonghan lifted a hand, caressing Joshua’s tummy as he gave a few sloppy thrusts, finishing inside him as he breathed tiredly, just as Joshua was, biting his bottom lip without tearing his eyes off Jeonghan. They looked at each other for a long moment, and you wanted once again to share their mind, to listen in on their channel they so jealously kept to themselves.

You leaned against Joshua’s face, pushing the tip of your nose on his cheek before pressing a kiss on the shell of his ear. “You did so good, babe,” you whispered.

Jeonghan climbed down the bed and disappeared behind the bathroom door, leaving you with a very exhausted Joshua, still lying on the bed. He was breathing hard, his face so relaxed that for a second you believed him to be asleep.

You got up, going around the bed to reach for the pack of wet tissues on the nightstand, and started cleaning off the cum on the back of your hand, and the few beads on Joshua’s lower tummy. You discarded the tissues and went back to lie down beside him on the bed. “How are you, babe?” you asked softly, running a palm over his chest, feeling the vibrations of his heartbeat.

“Amazing,” he sighed, grabbing your hand and kissing your knuckles. “You?” he raised his eyebrows.

“I’m good,” you muttered with a sheepish smile.

“You didn’t get to come again,” he realized, shifting his hand to grab you by the waist, turning slightly on the bed. “Come here,” he whispered.

“Joshua, I’m fine,” you said with a short giggle. “You should rest, you came pretty hard.”

“I said come here,” he said playfully, tightening the grip on your waist, pulling you to his body.

“Okay,” you conceded, letting him pull your body closer to his on the bed. You were still lying side to side, so it was easy for him to sneak a hand between your legs to run the pads of his pointer and middle finger on your folds.

“You’re so wet,” he muttered, his eyes glinting with desire again. “Just from watching us, baby,” he said in a tone that resembled praise. “Why couldn’t you come again?”

“I grew sensitive,” you mumbled, shuddering when his fingers glided on your folds a couple of times again, dipping slightly in your entrance. “It was really fun watching you.”

“Yeah, baby?” he cooed, smirking at you when you responded with a quiet nod. “Want me to touch you?”

“Yes, please,” you sighed, closing your eyes blissfully as his middle and ring fingers slipped inside your pussy. “God, Josh…”

“That’s right, baby,” he praised when you automatically started rocking your hips with short motions, fucking yourself on his hand. “Use me,” Joshua whispered.

Your breath hitched embarrassingly loud when a new set of hands encircled your waist, making you turn over your shoulder. “Hannie,” you sighed lewdly, a warmth creeping beneath your cheeks. 

Jeonghan occupied the empty side of the bed, lying behind you, his chest pressed against your back. His hands gripped you by the hips, helping you to move them on Joshua’s hand. “Mmn, princess you’re making a mess on Joshua’s fingers.”

The squelching noises became louder when Jeonghan started helping you rock your hips, littering the back of your shoulder with kisses.

Joshua curled his fingers inside you, nibbling your lower lip with his teeth. “Make a mess, baby,” Joshua said, his lips lingering on yours, pressing soft kisses on them. “Did you like watching Hannie fuck me?”

“Uh-huh,” you moaned, shuddering at the crude language your boyfriend used.

But he enjoyed it more, “I get now why you like his cock so much,” Joshua taunted, pulling back so he could look at your face. “You always behave like a slut when he fucks you.”

Your mouth fell open, giving way to a strangled moan. You nodded dumbly, and that only made Joshua’s grin grow on his face.

“That’s what you are, a good slut for us, right?” Jeonghan whispered in your ear, leaving small kisses on the shell. “Are you gonna come on Joshua’s fingers?”

You rocked your hips faster, enjoying that Joshua had started to move his hand too, pressing his fingers on your walls harder to make you shudder in pleasure. The tight feeling pooling in your lower belly became even more intense as your orgasm inched closer and closer.

Jeonghan’s hand moved from your hips, circling over to find your chest, where he started playing with your tits. His fingers fiddled with one of your nipples, pinching it gently and massaging your breast with his palm.

“Answer him, baby,” Joshua rasped, leaving a small kiss on your bottom lip. 

“Yeah, Hannie,” you swallowed a moan. “Oh fuck. Yes, yes, yes…” over and over again. The tension finally snapped, shaking you hard on the bed. Your jaw went slack, letting out a series of lewd moans that only allured both of your boyfriends. They watched you come undone, thrashing, and crying out in between them.

“That’s it, baby,” Jeonghan praised, kissing your shoulder softly.

“Good girl,” Joshua said too, leaving light kisses on your face.

You panted, holding onto Joshua’s shoulder for support as you came down from your high. “God,” you sighed, still with your eyes closed, feeling their bodies so close to you, relishing their warmth.

Joshua pulled his fingers out of your used hole carefully, and lifted his hand to your view and drew it closer to Jeonghan’s face, who opened his mouth, taking Joshua’s fingers in, sucking off your arousal with a pleased moan. Joshua’s lips curved into a smile, reminding you of the time he did the same with Jeonghan’s fingers.

You sighed, humming softly as you eased into the aftershocks of your nth orgasm. Jeonghan stroke your arm with the tips of his fingers, just as Joshua nudged the tip of your nose with his before pressing a gentle kiss on your lips. 

“I love you both so much,” you drawled.

“And we love you, princess,” Joshua replied with a small chuckle.

“So much,” Jeonghan emphasized, propping another kiss on your shoulder.

“Can we order room service now?” you sighed, nuzzling on their warmth, not even bothering to open your eyes.

“Why don’t you order for us, baby? I need to take care of Shua,” Jeonghan prompted, patting your ass lovingly.

“Sure,” you cooed, sitting up on the bed with a surge of energy you got from thinking about food. “What should I order?”

“Surprise us,” Joshua pressed his lips into a smile, watching you walk over to the desk where the telephone was, dialling the room service.

Jeonghan turned his gaze to Joshua. “You’re alright?” he asked softly, reaching out to tug Joshua’s ear by its shell, softly toying with his set of piercings.

Joshua raised his doe eyes from you to Jeonghan, nodding his head. “Yeah,” he replied, feeling something flutter inside him. “You?”

“Yeah, I'm alright,” Jeonghan answered with a light tone, bringing a hand on top of Joshua’s lower abdomen, caressing gently. 

Joshua shuddered against the touch, enjoying it as he lifted his hand to cup Jeonghan’s chin. “Are you sure?” he asked. 

Jeonghan raised his gaze to find Joshua’s, nodding silently. There was a brief moment in which Joshua thought he saw something flashing on Jeonghan’s features. He knew that time needed to be given for all parties to fall together on this new agreement. And Joshua was more than happy to wait, if it meant that he would have more nights like this.

The next day, you were back home. Jeonghan kept his word and spent the night over at yours, being so that he had everything he needed in his duffel bag. When you arrived, you were too tired, and so happy to do anything but snuggle in your bedcovers with both Joshua and Jeonghan, who were happy to please.

You fell asleep quickly, hugging Jeonghan’s frame tightly to your body, using his chest as a pillow. The sight was too cozy and warm to Joshua that he could not resist but following suit, falling asleep too, clinging onto you.

But then Joshua woke with a sharp jolt, his breathing becoming erratic as he dully came to grips with reality. For a small moment, he felt himself falling in his dream, and then he had to breathe in slowly to calm himself and gain lucidity. 

First, he made sure that he had not woken you up with his brusque move. But he found you huddled beneath the covers, as his eyes adjusted, he noticed that your arm was draped over a pillow, and Jeonghan was nowhere to be found.

That was until he heard a short smoker’s cough in the distance. Slowly, Joshua slid beneath the sheets and out of the bed completely, curiously stepping out of the bedroom, spotting the faint blue light coming from the phone in Jeonghan’s hand.

Jeonghan was lying on the couch, his back resting on the armrest, and his legs stretched out along the seat of the couch. He was so immersed in what he was looking on the screen to notice Joshua coming to the living room until he sat down on the armchair. Jeonghan lowered the phone to his tummy, blinking at Joshua with a light frown on his face.

“Can’t sleep?” Joshua asked with a hushed tone.

“You snore,” Jeonghan accused with an equally low tone, but his sounded full of reproach. He raised his phone to his gaze again, trying to appeal uninterested.

Joshua laughed airily, making Jeonghan’s eyes flick from the screen to where the sweet sound came from. “I don’t snore.”

“Yes, you do,” Jeonghan countered.

“Ah, okay, okay. I’m sorry,” Joshua said. “What are you doing in there?” he nodded to the phone in Jeonghan’s hands. 

Jeonghan locked the phone, discarding it on the coffee table with a tired sigh. “Nothing,” he mumbled, crossing his arms over his tummy. He chewed on his bottom lip before deciding to just let it out. “They want me to direct a mini-series for a streaming platform. The former director stepped out and someone slipped in my name as an option.”

“That’s a good opportunity,” Joshua said, frowning at the reluctance in Jeonghan’s demeanor. “Are you turning it down?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t worked on directing for television before. I’d need to learn a few things,” Jeonghan sucked in a breath pensively. “I’d need to make some preparations, clear my schedule for the next four months, maybe. I don’t know.” 

“You don’t want to do it because of the amount of work that it implies, or you just don’t feel attracted to the idea?” Joshua asked, tilting his head to one side a bit to study Jeonghan with his gaze.

A thing that Jeonghan felt, the weight of Joshua’s scrutiny only added to the awkwardness he felt around the whole situation. “I just don’t think I am the person to do it, you know?”

“Why not?” Joshua pressed, a tiny smile sneaking on his face. “You’re talented and have experience directing for years. The person who recommended you must see that too, right?”

“Ah, now you’re intriguing me,” Jeonghan chuckled lightly, playing with his own fingers to ease his nerves. “You’re only nice when you want something from me, so spit it out,” he said, sneaking a glance at Joshua, only to find his doe eyes, glinting in an emotion that Jeonghan saw only whenever Joshua looked at you.

“I have everything I want,” Joshua mumbled, his sweet tone matching the smile on his face.

Jeonghan fixed his gaze on his hands once again, trying to keep it away from Joshua as best as he could. “Do you, really?” he continued aimlessly.

The room fell silent for a long second, it was a silence that allow for many things to fall in place too. Joshua noticed once again the heavy reluctance in his best friend, and he was now determined to get to the bottom of it. The avoidant eyes, the plain tone; Jeonghan was as clear as water, so clear to Joshua that in fact he could interpret the way that he blinked. Jeonghan was tired, but refused to go to bed.

“Have you thought about Bunny’s proposition?” Joshua asked softly, breaking through the silence seamlessly.

“About going apartment hunting with her?” Jeonghan nodded, sniffling dryly, rubbing the tip of his nose with the back of his hand. “Yeah, I promised I would take a look at it. So far all of the options she’s looking at are nice. Good neighborhoods.”

“But are you considering what she said? About moving in with us?” Joshua pressed, but trying to keep his tone under control.

“I uh…” Jeonghan sighed, a smile breaking on the features of his face. “Isn’t it too soon? I mean, I get that you guys did it before you even knew each other’s last names, but I need to warm up a little before I decide on doing something like that,” he said, spitting out the words in a swift manner that only made more evident that he was nervous.

“That’s not true, we already knew each other’s last names,” Joshua giggled lightly, amused at knowing what was making Jeonghan so awkward.

Jeonghan rolled his eyes. “My thoughts remain the same,” he said. “It’s a bit too soon, isn’t it? And now with… the newer developments, I don’t know,” he shifted on his seat.

“Newer developments, huh?” Joshua clicked his tongue mockingly. “You’re just looking for excuses, Jeonghan.”

“I’m not, Joshua,” he sulked.

“You’re here all the time, you spend most nights here. You only go back to yours so you can change your clothes, tell me if that’s not stupid,” Joshua refuted with an accusatory pout.

“I do sleep back at my place, sometimes. I only come back here to visit our girlfriend,” he retorted, rolling his eyes but he knew his argument was weak. “I don’t think you considered how I’d feel with all this,” he finally let out, turning his gaze to the wall behind the sofa. He crossed one leg over the other at the same time he shifted his crossed arms over his chest, walling himself off completely.

“Well, how do you feel?” Joshua egged, knowing his best friend well enough to know he was playing hard to get.

The Yoon Jeonghan letting himself go down easy? Even if he admitted his feelings for Joshua, it took him months to get over it. Joshua was the only person in history to reject him, and now he wants him all of a sudden.

“I don’t know, confused?” he mumbled shyly, a tiny smile spreading on his thin lips. “I think it’s going to take a little bit of time for me to digest this.”

Then, Jeonghan raised his gaze, finding Joshua across the living room. The window behind him showed the sun rising through the thin curtains, painting a soft halo around his head, the chocolate brown hair shining richly under the incipient sunlight. Maybe you were right, Jeonghan thought. Joshua’s dark but sweet gaze glided over the features of Jeonghan’s face, already knowing what the root of the problem was. Maybe you were right, and those feelings never went away. And maybe, those feelings kindly went to sleep, waiting for either of them to realize.

Joshua stood up, just as Jeonghan moved his feet on the sofa to make space on it. “Well, while you digest this, can I have some fun?” Joshua asked with an ease in his tone that nearly sounded sultry to Jeonghan’s ears.

Jeonghan raised his eyebrows in mild bewilderment. “Have fun?” he parroted.

Joshua placed his hands on the armrest of the couch, a knee between Jeonghan’s legs and leaned over him, nodding his head with light motions. “Yeah, I’ll have fun while you think about it,” he said with a slightly mocking tone. “What do you say?” he asked in a lower tone as he guided his lips to meet Jeonghan’s in a shallow kiss.

“What if I wanna take my time to think about it?” Jeonghan retorted, tensing on the couch but reciprocating the light kiss with another.

“I’ll give you until Bunny wakes up to do it,” Joshua husked, locking his lips with Jeonghan in a slow kiss of smacking sounds and low hums on both parts.

Jeonghan raised his hands, finding Joshua’s hips, grabbing the waistband of the grey sweats to pull him in, so now Joshua’s crotch was pressed to his own. “I’m lost, what am I thinking about again?” he asked aloofly.

“See, you weren’t even serious about it,” Joshua giggled, lifting a hand from the armrest to meet Jeonghan’s cheek, to then sink his fingers into the dark mane of hair. “You like playing hard to get.”

“I’m not the one that’s hard right now,” Jeonghan quipped sharing another kiss, releasing a quiet grunt upon feeling Joshua’s tongue rolling into his mouth with ease, as though he had kissed Jeonghan’s mouth countless times before.

“You sure about that?” Joshua asked, his sweet tone falling into a sultry one, mirrored in his lust-lidded eyes.

Jeonghan slipped his hands beneath Joshua’s t-shirt, enjoying the way the touch of his cold hands elicited a quick shudder. “What kind of fun are we talking about?”

“The kind of fun that requires you to be quiet so that we don’t wake our girlfriend up,” Joshua smirked, lowering his hips more so he could press his growing erection against Jeonghan’s crotch.

“You two are going to be the death of me,” Jeonghan realized with a low chuckle, letting his hands roam on the line of Joshua’s back.

Joshua smiled in triumph. “Are you going to think about it, then? About moving in with us?”

“It depends,” Jeonghan replied, moving a hand to cup Joshua’s nape, bringing him for another swift kiss.

“On what?” Joshua asked.

Jeonghan smiled. “On how well you fuck me.”

✮ author's note: who would've thought that hannieween could actually write a slow burn for jihan ksjdhgdj

one thing that i wasn't aware of until i wrote this chapter is that i have written too many shower scenes like ... is this my joshushushu side speaking? is this what joshua would've wanted? to have a shower nearly every fucking chapter? lol

also, can you guys believe this is the first chapter in hannieween history that doesn't have p in v sex? o_o

on a side note: i am in a pretty tough spot right now and was asking for help. thank you everyone who has helped me!!

anyway, toodles!

✮ STAY TUNED FOR CHAPTER SEVEN!! ✮

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© RIGHTS RESERVED TO HANNIEWEEN I DO NOT ALLOW TRANSLATIONS, CONTINUATIONS, REIMAGINATIONS OF MY WORKS OR THEIR REPOSTING ON OTHER WEBSITES.

[hahaifolded]

141 x POC!GN Intelligence Operative - The Contract (Long Drabble) Author's Notes: Once again playing with something new. Not gonna lie, hated this because this was more work than I had expected. Next one will be more narrative for my sake Warnings: MDNI, Angst (ALSO PUT YOUR AGE IN YOUR BIO CAUSE I DO BLOCK)

Contract of Employment - Intelligence Operative Name: [Retracted] Address: [Retracted] The basic terms and conditions of your employment are outlined in this Contract of Employment and the Employee's policies. Duration of Contract: Your employment with the Employer under this Contract started on [Retracted] and will end after 12 months after the initial date. Contract can be renewed after the Employee ends in good standing with the Employer after the 12 months and the Employee deems it a good fit.

Job Title and Hours 3.1: You are employed as INTELLIGENCE OPERATIVE for [Retracted] reporting to "the Captain." 3.2: You are expected to perform all duties outlined below starting at 0800 (8:00am) to 1700 (5pm) Monday through Friday. 3.3: You must be available for any extenuating circumstances past these hours. All emergencies will be informed by "the Captain" and "the Captain" only.

Price: Need you to review the plan for the next mission before the meeting tomorrow.

Ghost groans after reading the message. Price just had to ruin his Sunday night. Realizing that his plan to sleep in was just ruined, he decides to text you. Seeing that you normally got in around that hour, maybe you could join him?

Did he deserve that? God no. But, he missed you. So he sends the text and waits... and waits... and waits...

Next thing he knew, his alarm was ringing, signaling the new day. He checks his phone and sees there are no new messages. It didn't matter. He'll see you around soon enough.

But soon enough comes around and you're nowhere to be seen. Were you running late? Shit, your car. Maybe you were walking again? He sends you a text, but again, no response. He's so worried that he can't even focus when looking over the plans. It's not until he sees you walk in for the meeting exactly at 0800 that his mind eases. Surprised to see you walk in late, he decided to check up on you after the meeting.

Knock, knock

You glance up from your monitor. "Lieutenant?"

Lieutenant? Sure, that was his title, but you always called him Ghost. Something didn't feel right.

"Sorry, I just wanted to check up on you."

You stop typing and completely turn towards him. "Why?" Your tone is accusatory.

He stumbles a bit. You were never short with him. "C-cause you came in late toda--"

"I did not come in late. If you look over my contract, you would see that my start time is 0800, exactly the time I clocked in today." You turn back to your monitor and continue to work.

Ghost takes a big gulp. "Oh. I- uh... I sent you message last night and this morning."

You let out a heavy sigh and stop typing. "Was it an emergency?"

"No, but--"

"Good. I can't waste any time here, have to make sure I put all of my energy in my work. So if you don't have anything else of importance, you can leave." And with that you continue to type.

Ghost walks out of your office and closes the door. Why did it feel like it wasn't just your door that was closed here?

Job Responsibilities 4.1: You are responsible for all work that requires intelligence which includes analysis, gathering of intel, and presentation of said intel. 4.2: You will not participate in work that falls outside your jurisdiction.

After today's meeting, Gaz was weary of the plan. Despite being checked by Ghost, he couldn't help but feel like it needed to be discussed further. He kept in his thoughts during the meeting as he wanted to process them further.

Now after thinking about it all morning, he realizes he needs one more brain to help finalize his thoughts. Not just any brain, however, yours. If he wasn't so caught up in his thoughts, he would have realized that he no longer had any entitlement to your help. But alas without a second thought, he rushes to your office.

He knocks on your door and walks in before you have a chance to say anything. "Hello, hello!" he chirps. And, instead of being greeted by your warm smile, he is greeted by nothing. You don't even bother to glance at him.

Without removing your eyes on the screen, you say with no emotion, "Sergeant Garrick, what do you need?"

Sergeant Garrick? Ewe, that sounded so wrong coming out of your mouth. You always called him Kyle... Gaz if you felt cheeky. Feeling nervous now, Gaz hesitates to speak.

"Sergeant, I really don't have time for your shenanigans. Do you need something?" You quickly glance up and shoot him a sharp look.

That look brings Kyle to the present. "Sorry, yes. I was hoping you would..." You finally look at him, but instead of easing his nerves, it only exacerbated them as you looked at him with annoyance. "If you can, obviously, help me go over the plans for the next mission. Something about them just seem off and I could really--"

You interrupt him. "I have to stop you there. No." And just like that, you turn back to your monitor.

"Why?" he asks without thinking. He catches the way you took in a sharp breath.

Without looking at him, you respond, "I have never been in the field so what use do I have for you? Besides my job is in intelligence and in intelligence only."

He cringes at his own words. He tries to get another word in, but you're clearly not listening. Feeling defeated, he walks out your door.

"Sergeant?" you call after him. He quickly whips around. Maybe you changed your mind?

"Close my door."

Job Responsibilities 5.1: You have jurisdiction over all work that deals with intelligence. 5.2: You have complete authority to discipline officers of lower ranking or similar rank if their actions interfere with your responsibilities.

Soap doesn't know how it happened. He has been in his office all day, working. Sure, maybe he spent more time than he should have thinking about you, but everyone else does it. Now he was scrambling, trying to finalize the schematics for the explosives needed for the next mission.

Low on time, he rushes to your office to beg for your help. He knew he was in deep water with you, but he really had no choice. He hoped your caring heart would pity him this one last time.

He barges into your office, calling your name out. You immediately shoot up from your seat, worry apparent in your face. You hurry to the front of your desk to reach the panting Scotsman.

"Sergeant MacTavish, is everything okay?" Johnny can hear the worry in your voice. Good, you still might care.

"It's an emergency. I need to finish these blueprints by today or Price will kill me! Help your favorite Scotsman out?" he begs. Soap nearly whines when you take a step back from him.

You scoff. "Are you being serious right now?" Okay, maybe you don't care.

"I know, I know. But I wouldn't ask if I wasn't desperate," he cries. His entire body shudders when you scoff at him once more. You shake your head in disbelief and return to your seat.

"Please, get out."

"Please, it's not even a lot. Just go over--"

"No, Sergeant. I have my own work to do."

"It won't take a lot of time, just--"

"NO!" you stand up again, slamming your desk. "Sergeant MacTavish, it is not in my contract to babysit fools like you." He winces. "If you cannot handle the work that comes with being in Special Forces, I recommend you to consider other careers. So leave my office before I write you up for insubordination," you hiss.

Soap quickly apologizes and leaves your office. He bumps into Price on his way back, but it doesn't phase him. Your utter disappointment in him plays back in his head over and over and over again.

Breach of Contract 8.1: If Employer deems the work of the Employee as unsatisfactory, contract will immediately be terminated. 8.2: If Employee deems the Employer is breaching any of the parts outlined above, Employee has the right to terminate the contract without any repercussions

John didn't take Soap crashing into him personal. It was clear his sergeant was lost in his thoughts. What did pique his interest was where he walked out of. It seemed like every member on his team had a chance to pop in your office today, but him. Refusing to let any of those muppets get in your good graces before he does, he decided to pop in.

Since Johnny left you door open, he just knocks on the doorway before letting himself in. "Hopefully, I'm not disturbing?" he jokes. The clacking of your keyboard stops and you slowly turn to look at him. You take in a deep breath, almost as if you're trying to contain yourself.

"Captain Price," you announce plainly, "do you need something? I'm almost done with today's report."

"No, not at all. Just wanted to check up on you. See how you're doing?" He doesn't quite catch what you mumbled under your breath. "Sorry?"

You roll your eyes. "Nothing," you pause. "I'm fine. Just trying to get my work done before 5pm."

"5pm? Have an appointment or something?"

You stare at him for a bit and remind him of your contracted hours.

Assuming that you were worried about not finishing on time, John assures you that you can always stay in late or pick up again tomorrow. "It happens to the best of us."

Your eyes go cold. "It wouldn't have happened to me if your men and yourself weren't adamant in harassing me with matters that frankly do not pertain to me." You readjust yourself in your seat. "I advise all of you to go over my contract to avoid further misunderstandings. I would hate to leave mid-mission."

John goes cold. You... leaving. He looks in your eyes to see if there was any hesitation. There’s none.

Employer Signature: [Retracted] Employee Signature: [Retracted] Date: [Retracted]

After that day, the 141 realized what they had done. They had completely crushed your spirit and pushed you to be the epitome of professionalism. You were still a phenomenal Intelligence Officer, but you were just that. You were no longer their team mate... their friend.

But you're still here so that's fine... right?

Word Count: 1732

More Thoughts - Next Thought

[obxsummer]

selfish // ghost of you

navigation -- series masterlist

pairing: jj maybank x routledge!reader (she/her)

summary: covering the 18 months after el dorado, the pogues are home and are attempting to work through life back in kildare. you're dealing with your trauma setting in, and jj's usual reckless decisions are not helpful in the slightest. oh, and it's time to treasure hunt. again.

warnings: s4 spoilers! for episode one, violence, cursing, the usual obx. heavy mentions of trauma/depression/anxiety/ptsd.

-- So, you might be wondering. What happens after you find the lost city of El Dorado, get blown up, two of your parents die, and you’re stranded in South America with a sack full of gold? Let’s catch up.

First, you catch a ride back home, and you sleep for like three weeks. And then when you finally get back, you make peace with the fam… or not really. And after all the loose ends are tied up, the gold.

$1,172,549…Enough money to get you back on your feet and taken care of after what had been the most insane chase of your life. Pope was the mastermind that pieced together a plan and after a heated, overpriced auction, you stood in front of the old Maybank property that had been transformed into a dream. A surf shop, JJ’s new boat, a dock, and a house full of love and friendship.

Granted, things got iffy and your plethora of money dropped quickly (no thanks to JJ’s poor budgeting), and you were already tight in terms of keeping the business alive. So, you were laying low and helping where you could.

While you were glad to be home and no longer on the run, it didn’t keep away the haunting memories that followed. This was the first time since John B went missing that you’d been able to sit with your thoughts and try to process everything that happened. And it wasn’t easy.

“Hey there, sweet thing.”

You glanced up from your spot on the hammock, having been dozing in and out of sleep for a few minutes now. JJ stood in the doorway, his cutoff shirt framing his tanned skin nicely as you smiled up at him.

“Hi.”

He moved to meet you, lips pressing against yours in a warm, feverish kiss. The two of you had just spent the weekend away in Savannah, Georgia while the other Pogues placed the finishing touches on the property and store for opening. They were more than happy to send the two of you off for time away since you were both more touchy and lovey than you had been in a while. It was the vacation you needed and deserved.

“You coming to the race?” JJ’s voice was raspy and he sat on the netting next to you. It was the annual Kildare Enduro, one that JJ loved to get involved in and you loved to watch, but after his last biking accident, you were a bit nervous.

Your fingers messed with the hair behind his neck as you hummed in agreement, pulling him back down to your lips. “Not happy about you racing on that bike but yes, I’m coming.”

One of the few things you all allowed was for John B and JJ to pick out a new dirt bike, given the fact that you only had the Twinkie as reliable transportation. Now all three of the boys had their own, so as long as the van kept running, the six of you had a fair chance.

“You love me on the bike, baby.”

You chuckled at JJ’s words, giving him another kiss before rolling off the hammock to prevent yourself from falling asleep. “I love seeing you on the bike, J. Don’t love you racing on it.”

The beach was slammed with bikes, trucks, and tents for the racers and crowd of the day when you all arrived. You and Kie business yourself grabbing lemonade as Cleo and John B made sure JJ’s bike was ready to go. 

“How was your trip?” Kie asked as she shoved her reusable straw into the lemonade cup after politely declining the plastic ones the cashier had offered. 

You pushed your sunglasses up and sipped your drink as the two of you started walking back to where the Twinkie was parked. “So nice and peaceful. We didn’t do too much but it was a welcomed change in the chaos.”

Your eyes caught sight of Topper Thornton in his red racing gear, no doubt having a stare-off with your boyfriend. The thought of JJ out there racing against Kooks who clearly had a bone to pick with you guys didn’t help your anxiety.

Sarah thanked you as you handed her a lemonade before sitting in the back of the van which had been pulled up to the makeshift track so you all could watch. Being in this new rhythm had been so odd for you, especially after you started to make peace with the idea that you would never have this sort of “normal” again.

“Did you know?”

You looked up to see your brother, John B, staring back at you with a frustrated frown on his face. He had pulled on his racing jacket, which added to your confusion, but you could tell he was pissed at something. And just like that, things had gone to shit again.

You glanced at Sarah, who looked just as confused before shaking your head. “What are you talking about?”

John B sighed and stepped closer, crouching in front of you. His demeanor changed when you tensed, not knowing what was happening. “Did you know JJ bet the gold?”

“He what?” Your voice was deep and angry. JJ’s lack of self-control when it came to spending money had become severely frustrating for all of you, especially when he spent so much to reclaim his house when it wasn’t worth over half of it. “Please tell me you’re lying, JB.”

He didn’t answer and instead, got to his feet to grab the handles of his own bike that had been driven over.

“John B!” You set your lemonade down and quickly got to your feet as Kiara started cussing out JJ’s behavior, Sarah mumbling her agreement. “Are you serious?”

Your brother stopped short, his eyes searching yours as if he could say everything without speaking. He knew you were already anxious about JJ racing, and putting both of them in there was slowly becoming a fearful experience for you. It didn’t make you feel any better when Rafe settled into a spot next to Topper on his bike, revving his engine to make a scene.

“I’ve got him, okay? We’re gonna make it work.”

You didn’t say anything else, watching as he made his way to the starting line and leaving you between two heated girls who had their glares set on your boyfriend.

It had been hard for you to adjust after nearly dying multiple times while in South America. You’d had a lot of talking sessions amongst each other as a group to cope with it, making sure everyone aired all their emotions when they needed to. Even as though you were practically adults, life was still scary, and you’d had too many breakdowns to not acknowledge it.

JJ had taken most of the nightmares and sleepless nights you’d been cursed with, talking you through every bit of it until you would fall back asleep. John B did his best to pull you out of your head, clocking the look on your face when you’d get too deep and try to pull away. He meant it when he said he was working on being better for everyone, but especially you.

It was a process, but it was working. Slowly but surely, you were healing. It weighed on you mentally, but you were so appreciative to have the support you did.

So, watching the two boys you loved the most get into a race with people that hated you, was scary. 

“They’ll be fine,” Sarah reassured as she watched her own boyfriend pull his helmet on before adjusting his bandana around his face. “Does JJ ever think before he does anything?”

“No, never,” You were quick to answer, crossing your arms over your chest. “Not even once.”

Kie wordlessly held her joint out to you, which you took with no objection. This was slowly becoming a horror movie as they took off from the starting line, the roar of the bikes overwhelming as sand flew up behind them. You kept your eyes on JJ and John B as long as you could until they disappeared over the hill and into the treeline. 

“We’ve got some serious contact in the brush. Oh, and it sounds like Topper didn’t like Maybank crowding him there. Taught him a little lesson. Stuffed him like a turkey!”

You groaned, burying your face into your hands as the announcer covered the parts of the races you couldn’t see behind the trees. Not only was JJ losing, he was losing badly.

“It looks like they’re turning around the buoy. We’ve got Rafe Cameron still in front ahead of the group of riders. Cameron seems to have things well in hand. No mistakes and he should take home the Kildare Enduro. There’s Maybank bringing up the rear. Tough race for him and oh, he’s down again in the deep sand!”

Kiara groaned loudly this time. “Fucking shit, JJ!”

“Wait, what’s he doing?” You caught on to the fact that JJ wasn’t slowing down to make the left-handed turn that would put him en route with everyone else and instead had set his eyes straight ahead where the inlet met the track. “Are we seriously doing this again?”

Sarah grabbed your hand, squeezing tightly as JJ approached the jump at full speed. As much as you wanted to, you couldn’t take your eyes off the scene as he threw himself and the bike in the air, managing to catch the ground just ahead of Rafe.

“Holy shit!” Cleo yelled as JJ pushed forward, everyone bursting into cheers as he held the lead. The remaining racers turned the corner and you caught sight of John B nearing Topper, the two pushing each other for the next spot. 

Rafe managed to catch up to JJ quicker than you would’ve liked as they hit the final stretch. Things were looking up and you fought the glimmer of hope bubbling in your chest that this may all end up in your favor.

Until Rafe’s tire nudged JJ’s and sent both of them flying in the air. 

“Jay!” You were moving before you realized, only to get tugged back by Sarah and Pope from interfering as more racers caught up. JJ was moving though, and that was the only part you really cared about. 

John B came flying into view next, barely stopping in time to miss JJ’s crumbled form that was in the sand, which gave Topper the door to win. You couldn’t even care about that though, and as soon as the bikes cleared you were flying forward to your boys on the track. You made it to them as John B pulled JJ from the ground, your boyfriend shoving your brother angrily as he mouthed off. 

“Hey!” You yelled and grabbed JJ’s arm to move him as he tossed his helmet aside angrily. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

JJ shook his head and continued separating himself from the group. “I don’t want to hear it right now.”

“Then you’re going to fucking hear it later, JJ!” You shouted after him, anger overtaking your anxiety as the adrenaline wore off. So much could’ve gone wrong and you could’ve lost more than the money. You glared at him, angry tears burning your eyes as he continued to walk away as if it didn’t matter. 

“Hey, hey.” John B’s arm wrapped around your shoulder, tugging you back into his chest as he turned you away from the sight of your retreating boyfriend. “He’s fine, we’re fine. That’s all that matters.”

“Get used to it.” A raspy voice cut off your response to your brother as you shifted to see Rafe pulling himself off the ground next to you. 

“What’d you say?” John B’s hold disappeared from around you before he moved forward to confront the older Kook with a shove. “Nah, man. What’d you say?”

Rafe hit John B back, both boys ready to start a fight instantly before Sarah jumped in between them. “Hey!” 

“This is forever, alright?” Rafe screamed, backing up a few paces. His face was burning red with anger and you feared he would lash out right in front of you. “Y’all don’t get to win.”

You shook your head, placing your hand on John B’s shoulder to keep him back. “We never get to win, Rafe. In case you haven’t fucking noticed.”

“You could’ve killed each other!” Sarah yelled back at him as she continued to force her brother away from your group. 

Rafe pulled himself out of her grip and shook his head. “Yeah, like you give a shit. You gonna kill me like you killed Dad?”

Your eyes widened as Sarah attempted to defend herself from the comment, but Rafe had already walked out of hearing range. Your friends crowded around the three of you, JJ still in his own head behind the crowd where you left him. 

John B shook his head, running his hand through his hair. The last hour had really wiped him out, physically and emotionally. “We are so screwed.”

Kiara nodded in agreement, the displeasure evident on her face. “Yeah. We are.”

“Why are we screwed?”

The question coming from Pope made you sigh and dig your palms into your eyes in frustration. This was the worst outcome possible for something that was supposed to be fun. 

“Just come on, let’s go.” John B led the group back to the van as Pope pushed for an answer that none of you were willing to give yet. Kie busied herself tossing the lawn chairs in the van, John B taking a seat on his bike and replacing his helmet as Sarah waited for him. 

“Do you want me to get him?” Cleo asked you as she nudged her head in JJ’s direction. You followed her movement to see the boy cussing at himself, kicking sand, and throwing an angry fit.

It broke your heart, but you shook your head. “Leave him, he can come home once he’s calmed down.”

That was another thing that had taken a lot of time to figure out, was how to separate yourself from everyone’s emotions. You were such an empathetic person that you wanted to solve the problems and help everyone, but it had taken its own toll for so long that you needed to end the habit. JJ included. As much as you wanted to run over and hug him and tell him it was fine, it wasn’t. 

It wasn’t until you guys were back home, John B and Sarah following the van on his bike, that Pope approached the subject again. “Someone better tell me what happened before I lose it.”

Shoving the passenger door open, you forced yourself out of the car, knowing the rage was coming quickly. “JJ bet the last of the gold on himself for the race.”

Silence echoed for a moment. 

“What the fuck!”

--

The rampage of Pope Heyward was well deserved. The poor boy had done so much to try and extend the gold payout as best as possible and lost in every way. So when JJ resurfaced at Poguelandia 2.0, all hell broke loose. 

“I said it. I said it once, and I said it again. I said don’t touch the last of our nugget. That was it. That was the last of our savings! Do you not care?”

JJ spun around in a fury, his body scratched and dirty with sand from the crash. “Pope, you saw what happened, man! He stole it, okay? He cheated and he stole it. That’s not my fault, Pope.”

“Do you know how selfish you sound?”

JJ laughed, which just pissed everyone off further. “I sound selfish? I was trying to help us.”

“You helped us, you just cost us everything. Thank you!”

You curled into the sleeves of your sweater as you watched your boyfriend pace. How he thought none of this was his fault was crazy. “Jayj, why are you making it sound like you had nothing to do with it?”

He looked at you and all the anger disappeared from his face, leaving the vulnerable boy you loved so much with tears in his eyes. “Okay, babe. Babe. You know me. Okay? I was gonna bet it all. That’s who I am.”

Kiara scoffed from next to you, “You should’ve talked to us first! It was too risky this time.”

“And what were you doing?” Pope’s anger turned toward John B, who instantly went wide eye at the attack. “You knew he had it and you just let him race?”

“He told me last minute, alright?” Your brother attempted to defend himself but it fell on silent ears.

“John B, look, man. You were supposed to cover-!”

“I did cover!”

The arguing escalated loudly between all three boys until you covered your hands over your ears to block it out. You’d never faired well with yelling since everything happened with Rafe, and hearing it from the people you loved made it worse even if it wasn’t directed at you.

Cleo took one look at you and shut it down. “Hey, enough!” Her voice echoed around the space, effectively chopping the harsh words that were being through. “How bad is it, Pope?”

“How bad is it?” Pope repeated the question as he faced her. “We have a $13,000 property tax payment due in seven days. And we have zero working capital. There is nothing. And you took the last of our savings, so thank you.”

Silence followed the heaviness of his voice before he left you all outside. You winced at the severity of JJ’s actions, knowing these consequences affected all of you and it wasn’t like the hot tub episode at the Chateau where it was a rough purchase. 

JJ called your name, breaking you from your thoughts as you looked up at him. His eyes were still red and clouded with tears. “Baby…”

“I’m going to go for a little bit. I’ll be back before dark.” You didn’t leave room for argument, instead taking off in the direction of the dock where the HMS Pogue was. 

You weren’t trying to give anyone the cold shoulder, but you promised yourself you would try to be better about handling your emotions on your own. You needed to process and take care of yourself alone sometimes.

“Hey,” Pope’s voice was soft as you caught sight of him in the boat, looking out over the water. Seems the two of you had the same idea to come out here. He whispered your name when you didn’t answer or say anything. 

You shrugged, climbing in to sit near him as you pulled your sleeves over your hands. “I’m trying.”

“You’re okay.” Pope’s affirmation sent you into tears. Your knees pulled to your chest as you let out a shaky breath. He didn’t hesitate to wrap you into a hug, letting you cry softly. 

“I’m trying really hard,” You breathed out, hating how weak your voice came out. “It’s like the second a voice raises I shut down and-and-”

Pope held you tightly against him, allowing you to have time to get your emotions out. These panic episodes happened more often than you’d like since you had all gotten home an you felt so embarrassed for your friends to deal with them. 

“Just breathe, I’ve got you. I promise.” 

Pope had become an anchor for you since the moment that was shared on the plane to Orinocco. When it had been revealed that you felt left behind after John B disappeared, he took it personally to help where and when he could. You had always been like a sibling to him and it broke his heart to know you were struggling so much.

The two of you sat there for a few until you caught your breath and recentered. The air was brisk as you drove the HMS through the marsh, taking in the sunset as you did. As much as you loved JJ, you were disappointed he had made this decision on his own. He was trying to help, he always was, but sometimes it just didn’t go that way.

“I’m sorry about JJ,” You said as Pope slowed down for the final stretch before the dock. “I know he means well, but it doesn’t always turn out that way.”

Pope shook his head softly. “I know he does too, but his impulse will be the death of him.”

Unfortunately, you didn’t disagree.

--

The house was relatively quiet as you walked in, quietly thanking Pope before making your way up to your shared bedroom with JJ. You could hear the shower running, the light poking from under the door along with soft music that told you that Sarah was likely inside. The bedroom door creeked quietly as you opened it. JJ’s figure was sitting in your floating egg chair, the one thing you’d asked for at the thrift shop. 

“Hi,” You greeted quietly. He immediately looked up, relief flooding his body at the sight of you as he got to his feet.

“I’m so sorry, I-”

You held your hand up, intercepting whatever he was going to say. “Jayj, I know you are. And I love you, but I really don’t want to talk about this right now. Okay?”

His hope deflated but he nodded regardless. “Yeah. Yeah, okay. Um, Kie made salad. There’s leftovers in the fridge. I can… I can sleep on the couch if you want.”

You shook your head softly, giving him a small smile before wrapping your arms around his neck gently. “After today, there’s nothing more I want than to hold you and make sure you’re okay. So no, you’re sleeping here. Now come on, macho. Let’s clean up those cuts and get your ass to bed.” 

And then our luck turned, and the Outer Banks Sentinel wrote about us and our journey. They finally excavated the cave we blew up and suddenly, we’re heroes. It’s pretty weird, to be honest. After the ceremony, this old guy named Wes Genrette came up to us with a request. He invited us to his private estate to discuss his proposition. So, here we are. Eighteen months after finding El Dorado, on our way to Goat Island. Back in the G game, for what we hoped was the last time.

--

navigation -- series masterlist

a/n: and we're back!!! send ideas, send requests, and let the angst begin !!!!

[jinx-xxed]

Feral Desires

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆ .。.:*

A/N; This feels like a crazy jump from my first smut I posted lmfao 🫡 it was also crazy writing this, I haven’t written omegaverse in forever despite it being a favorite

Summary; You’re on a mission for the First Order, well away from your alpha, which means it’s the perfect time for your heat to start out of nowhere.

Content; NSFW 18+, AFAB reader, omegaverse, omega reader, alpha Kylo Ren, mated to Kylo, heats, ruts, nesting, fingering, piv sex, knotting, biting/marking, scent marking, breeding kink, A LOT of breeding kink, protective and possessive Kylo, also very loving Kylo, tiny bit of size difference kink, conservative views on omegas (mostly pertaining to suppressants), omegaverse terms (kids referred to as pups), fluff

Wc; 6.4k

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆ .。.:*

You thought it would be fine.

It should’ve been fine.

This wasn’t supposed to happen, gods, this was not supposed to happen.

Your heat was not supposed to start a month early right when you leave on a mission.

Everything had seemed okay at first; you gathered your troops after getting your assignment—investigate an uninhabited jungle planet’s surface and find out what the First Order could gleam from it. You had bid farewell to Kylo Ren, the Supreme Leader and also your mate. Through your bond both in the Force and in the bite mark on your neck, you could tell how apprehensive he was to let you go. It had taken some convincing, but he’d allowed it. If he wasn’t swamped in a million other responsibilities that come with his new position, he would’ve joined you.

The trip to the planet had gone without a hitch, and everything had seemed like it was in perfect order. You were the first to step foot on the surface once your ships’ doors had opened with a hiss of depressurized air. It was quite beautiful when you took it all in; covered in lush vegetation and impossibly tall trees covered in moss, a few of which your ships had unfortunately crushed on their way down. Sensors indicated that the air was nontoxic and clean so you had gladly taken a deep breath. Smells came stronger to you with your aberrant status, meaning you could practically taste the planet on your tongue. It was damp and full of the smell of wet leaves and bark, along with the reek of wild animals you didn’t know the names of. Said animals were calling through the trees in chirps and barks. It was quite nice.

Stormtroopers fanned out, beginning to take notes of anything that seemed of importance or interest. You and your lieutenant, a beta named Mallory who’d been by your side for many years, were in charge of placing down beacons and sensors that would give you every piece of data you’d need. It’d tell you what’s beneath the planets surface like ores and minerals and what kind of regeneration systems it had. It’d be a slow process; taking scans of an entire, huge planets surface wasn’t the easiest thing in the world. That’s why you were given a weeks timeline for this mission. Easy enough.

Until you’d gotten a prickling on the back of your neck, until an odd amount of sweat started to build at your collar, until you could barely hold on to your data pad because of how slippery your palms had become. You’d tried to ignore it, tried to ignore those telltale signs because surely your heat wouldn’t be starting now? Surely it wouldn’t have been catapulted forward a month because your body got confused by you leaving your alpha and was doing what it needed to in order to bring him back?

“General? Are you alright?” Mallory asks you.

You realize you’d been standing there looking at your data pad like an idiot while warmth and sweat builds beneath your uniform. You look up and try to blink the haze out of your vision. Suddenly all those smells from before are so overwhelming. “I think I need to go back to the ship.” You mutter. You’re not stupid, you do realize it’d be irresponsible to try and ignore this. Hell, you can’t even get yourself to take a step forward when all you want to do is go back to your ship where the scents are familiar.

Mallory tenses, noticing the flush in your face and the way your demeanor is so off. She may be a beta but she’s still able to recognize the onset of a heat, especially yours after being your lieutenant for so long. That’s why she goes with you everywhere, to keep an eye on you. She’s perfect for times like these. “Okay. Let’s go, quickly.” She says, a gentle hand on your arm guiding you back the way you came.

She says commands through a radio while you walk, instructing the next in charge—a fresh-face captain—to continue the observations so they can at least get something out of this. You feel guilt pierce through your roiling stomach, cursing yourself over and over for not being able to see a very simple mission to completion. It’s embarrassing. It makes you wish you were able to take your damn suppressants again.

You haven’t taken them for about three years, ever since you became mated to Kylo. As soon as that happened, all of your suppressants were tossed and every medic on the Steadfast was strictly forbidden to give you any. If any were discovered, you knew exactly what price they’d have to pay. Before all that, you’d taken them regularly to give you some peace aboard the ship and keep your position as general safe. People were more willing to trust you with things if your omega status was… muted. It was easier to ignore.

The only reason you really got to keep your job was because you were damn good at it and you kept being an omega from getting in the way, so nobody cared. It was simple. Then Kylo came along, discovered you were Force sensitive, began to train you, and you fell for him hard. You ended up becoming his mate, his teeth laying claim to the skin where your neck meets your shoulder, right where your scent gland starts. He bears a similar mark from your own teeth. He was gracious enough to let you remain as a general, even if every primal instinct he has tells him to keep you away from your job because it’s dangerous. All because he knew how upset it’d make you if he took it away, and because you’re actually competent.

However, it puts you in situations like this where you’re trying to fight off an oncoming heat while you’re on an unknown planet in an unknown space and your alpha is a galaxy away from you. You’ve learned that your status as an omega comes before your position as a general.

Mallory gets you back on to your ship that’s specifically assigned to only you two for your own safety. Never before have you been so grateful for that. She heads towards the cockpit immediately, taking her seat in the pilots chair and flipping switches. You slink towards the back of the ship, craving an enclosed space and cold air. Your heat hasn’t hit you full force yet, but you know it’s a matter of hours. You know it’s a matter of hours until your brain is pure incomprehensible mush, until your body is on fire, and until there’s a need inside so deep that it consumes your entire being and only one man can satisfy it.

It always starts out slow, with everything feeling just a bit too sensitive and your temperature rising. Then you feel it in every gland you have, a slight throb to them as your scent changes and pheromone production skyrockets. You get sweaty and those stiff uniforms the First Order requires feel like they’re boiling you alive—hence why you’re removing your jacket now. Next is the nesting, creating your own little safe space where nothing can hurt you and it’s only for you and your alpha.

It’s extremely difficult in a sterile, empty ship. You can feel your omega start to panic as it realizes there’s nothing to nest with besides your own jacket and a thin, scratchy blanket from an emergency kit in the ship. Nothing with Kylo’s scent, nothing to keep your alpha close, nothing safe, it’s not safe, oh gods-

You whine low and sad in the back of your throat as you hopelessly try and try and try to rearrange your two items into something satisfactory in your little corner. It doesn’t work of course. It only serves to send you into more of a frenzy, wishing for anything else, wishing you were back on the Steadfast, back in you and Kylo’s shared rooms where you could make as big a nest as you want with his full closet at your disposal. Comfy sheets, pillows, big capes covered in his scent… thinking about it is not helping.

The ship rumbles to life beneath you and you can feel its vibrations from how your body is pressed against the floor. The cold metal helps to keep the fever raging through you at bay. You’re curled in on yourself, your hands at your neck massaging your aching glands and the bite mark that resides there. It does little to soothe your pain but it’s all you have. You faintly hear Mallory talking, though it’s drowned out by the buzzing in your head. Until a familiar, deep voice crackles through the ships comms and has you sitting up immediately, your attention laser-focused.

“I want her back on the Steadfast immediately.” Kylo says. He sounds angry, livid perhaps. It’s enough to make you feel the need to submit despite the fact he’s not even mad at you. Hearing him does something to your bond akin to reigniting it across the distance between the two of you. It gives you the smallest bit of a connection to cling on to and you wrap yourself in it, enjoying it while it lasts. You can feel his emotions, his need for you like you need him. He’s angry he isn’t there, that he can’t provide for his omega like a good alpha should. He’s irrationally scared too—scared that something might happen to you, that some other alpha might try to get to you. He’s like a ticking time bomb, ready to go off on anyone he deems fit.

“Yes, sir, I understand.” Mallory says. She looks over at one of the monitors, pressing a few controls on the screen. “Based on what fuel remains and if I avoid active fuel preservation, it should take about five standard hours to reach your coordinates.”

Five hours. By the time you reach the Steadfast, you’ll be well intro the throes of your heat, accelerated by the fact Kylo isn’t there to help you. You haven’t had a heat without your mate for a long time and your body is not happy about it. A wave of depression and anxiety washes over you, your fingers digging into the blanket and threatening to rip it.

Kylo can sense that, sense how panicked and upset you are and it only makes his rage grow. He knows he can’t do anything about the length of your return trip and it makes him feel useless, like a sorry excuse of an alpha. You almost feel bad for the staff back on the Steadfast. “If anything happens to her, I’ll have your fucking neck.” He snaps, voice crackling through the comms.

Mallory takes the threat with neutrality. It’s nothing new to her. “Yes, sir. You have my word that I’ll keep her safe.”

Kylo calls your name suddenly and it has you stumbling to your feet and towards the radio. You grasp at the back of Mallory’s chair to keep you stable. “Alpha?” You ask, voice unable to hide your desperation.

“I’m sorry this happened. It’ll be better soon.” Kylo promises, his tone softening just a bit when he talks with you. “Be good in the meantime.”

You nod even though he can’t see it. “I will, alpha.” You’d do anything he asks.

With that, the radio clicks off and he’s gone. It felt like the only support keeping you upright was just ripped away from you, his presence in your bond fleeing and leaving you with nothing. It made your chest constrict and heat lick down your back, everything seeming to spin. Mallory rises from her chair after putting the ship on autopilot. “Go lay back down. I don’t want you to collapse.” She says. “And take these.” She hands you two bottles of water that were brought along in case of emergencies. You’re going to need them more than anything with how much fluid you lose during your heat. You down one of the bottles immediately.

You obediently take the other back to your “nest”, spending another ten minutes trying to rearrange your blanket and jacket. You eventually just give up and flop down with your knees tucked up to your chest, trying to ignore the ache across the entirety of your body. Your thoughts are still coherent at least, though you can feel them steadily slipping away. Your omega just wants Kylo, wants him more than anything. Wants his scent, his strong arms, his lips on your gland, his knot.

There it is. You whimper, your nails digging into your palms hard enough to draw blood as you feel the first trickle of slick seep into your underwear. Your breath comes out in pants that fog the metal paneling under you, your face feeling like it’s on fire. You writhe on your blanket, distracting yourself with movement and trying to find any kind of position that provides relief. Squeezing your legs together helps a little, putting some pressure on your clit and releasing more slick. You know this pair of underwear is going to be unsalvageable by the time this is over.

You can feel the slick start to stain your pants, creating a wet spot that’ll keep spreading. The ache has moved lower, now settling in your stomach and making you nauseous. Its comes in waves of cramps and hot flashes and gushing slick, creating a combination that feels like actual hell. You know that that’s how it’ll stay with the intensity increasing as the hours pass without your alpha inside you. You wish so badly you could just sleep the time away, close your eyes and open them again to Kylo there to take care of you. But you don’t feel safe enough to fall asleep. Your nest is shit, the ship is too unfamiliar, and you’re right at the beginning of your heat when you’re most vulnerable without your alpha who’s supposed to protect you.

These next five hours are about to be the longest of your life.

» ☆ «

Time passes in a haze.

A haze full of desperation, need, fire raging in your blood, and slick coating your thighs. Your vision is blurred, like a film was put over your eyes. You try to focus on the feeling of the ship underneath you instead of… anything else. The state of being in heat is all you know now, you don’t even remember what it’s like to not be making a drooling mess of yourself over the thought of your alpha’s cock sinking into your aching cunt.

Mallory has been trying to ignore you the whole time for her own sanity; your whines, moans, panting, and the desperate whispers of Kylo’s name passing between your lips. She’s stayed well away in the safety of the cockpit, focusing on just getting you both back to the Steadfast. Even though she’s a beta and has no specific inclinations, she can still feel the headiness in the air, sticking to the back of her neck and making her skin prickle. This isn’t anything particularly new to her, she’s been by your side for years. She knows what it means to be an omega.

That’s why she’s glad when a final jump through lightspeed sends her sensors beeping and the massive hulk that is the Steadfast appears at the top of the viewport. She keeps her hands from shaking by gripping the controls of the ship, guiding it towards home base. She has no reason to be afraid really, Kylo Ren wouldn’t do anything to her without reason after she’s proved to be so faithful, and he’ll be too focused on you anyway. Still, she can’t help the little kernel of fear in her chest as your ship is latched onto by a gravitational beam and power is taken out of her control.

All of the commotion breaks you from your stupor. You prop yourself up weakly on your elbows, your jacket and blanket soaked in slick in a heap under you from all your twisting and turning. Your face is flushed like the rest of your body, your remaining clothes stuck to your skin because of the sweat. From your place on the floor you can just barely see through the viewport, watching as the ship pulls into one of the hangars. You can sense him now. He’s so close. It’s too bad your legs are too weak to support you, otherwise you’d use them to run out of the ship to greet him.

You feel the ship shake as it settles on the ground and you hear the sounds of it powering down. Mallory rises from her chair to get to the ramp controls, a hiss of depressurized air sounding as it lowers. She steps aside and bows her head as he enters. Finally.

Kylo instantly commands the entire space around him as soon as he comes aboard the ship. It’s like everything else around him fades away because nothing else matters. His black robes do a perfect job of outlining the muscles beneath them, his fractured helmet covering his face and making him look akin to death itself. He locks onto you, you can feel it, and instantly there’s a whine coming out of your throat. Your mate is here, your alpha is here after you had to wait for so long. Your excitement is like a buzzing that encompasses your mind to the point you can’t think about anything else.

And then his scent hits you. It’s musky and heavy, amplified by his rut that was triggered by his omega’s heat. He smells like a campfire in fall, smoky and laced with something like cinnamon. When you inhale it, it’s easy to imagine being in the forests of his home planet with a nice fire to keep you warm. There’s undertones of your own scent mixed in from your mating, creating a nice combination of the two to let anyone know that you belong to one another. His scent instantly becomes the only thing you know and starts your heat all over again, fresh waves of slick pouring from your cunt and cramps seizing your stomach.

Kylo smells it, it slams into him like a freight ship, sending him reeling. He resists every feral instinct in him telling him to pounce on you right then, to pin you down and fuck your heat away, to finally take care of the constant bulge in his pants, knowing that he needs to get you somewhere safe first. Somewhere other alphas won’t be tempted by you, even if you’re mated. His scent on you sometimes isn’t enough to deter the most depraved; his hands clench into fists at the thought, the leather of his gloves creaking.

“Alpha… please..” you whimper, reaching your arms out towards him, needing so badly just to feel him, to touch him. You can barely think straight, the only thing in your head being him, him, him. He can’t deny you anything. The metal panels beneath his boots thunder with the power of his steps, it makes you quiver. Alpha is so strong, so capable.

“I know. I’m here now.” He says as he scoops you easily into his arms, voice crackling through the modifier in his helmet. It sends pleasant shivers down your spine. You can hear how ragged his breathing is, can feel it when his chest is pressed against your cheek. You cling to his padded tunic, the material familiar and comforting beneath your fingers. You become surrounded by his scent and it brings some relief to the pain you’ve been feeling, putting your omega at ease with your alpha finally with you.

You shrink yourself as much as possible in his hold as he walks down the ramp of the ship, your face buried against his arm. There’s a spike of anxiety in your chest once the bright lights and all the different smells of the Steadfast reach you; the sharp metal tang, the hints of sterile cleaning products, and then the sweat and musk of every aberrant in that hangar. It’s overwhelming when you’re fresh into your heat, but Kylo is quick to soothe you. His body produces more of his own scent to mask everything else, pheromones changing ever so slightly to have a more calming effect on you. He’s still not entirely used to the way everything about him is so tailored to you and only you even after all this time, but he loves the pride he feels when he successfully gets you to relax.

All of the workers within the hangar stay well away from Kylo. Nobody is stupid enough to approach the Supreme Leader and his mate with the state you’re in. It would only end up getting their heads detached from their shoulders. He’s given a wide berth while walking through the halls of the ship, taking whatever shortcuts he can to reach your shared rooms faster. Everything feels so hot, your breath coming out in pants and your clothes so unbearable because of the way they’ve been drenched in your fluids. You’re whimpering in his arms, sounding so sad and pathetic as your fingers knead into his chest. “I know,” he says again, softer this time, “I’ll make it better.”

There’s the beep of a control panel as Kylo gets the hydraulic doors to your rooms open, bringing you inside and letting them bang shut behind him. You’re greeted with fresh, cold air against your burning skin and comforting familiarity—your safe space. Kylo goes to set you down and you nearly wail at the thought of losing contact, not able to bear it after being without him for too long. “Just one second, I promise.” He tells you, laying a large hand against your cheek, the leather warm from the heat of his palms. You listen to your alpha like the good omega you are, standing there squeezing your legs together while he removes his helmet. His beauty always manages to enrapture you. His sharp features and pale skin dotted with freckles, the black waves of his hair that fall around his face. There’s a slight flush to his cheeks, his pupils blown wide with desire. He carelessly puts his helmet aside.

Then he’s on you. His lips press against yours, hot and needy and wet, his hands coming up to grasp each side of your face. You can’t help but moan into his mouth, your arousal spiking even higher from the urgency in his kiss. You’re surprised you can even produce more slick with how much you’re already covered in but you feel another wave of it drip down your thighs anyway. His tongue licks against your teeth, exploring your mouth that you’ve willingly opened for him.

His hands are heavy weights on your hips. He moves them down to cup your ass, then lifting you easily so your legs are wrapped around his middle. His raging erection presses slightly against your aching cunt and you gasp sharply as a shiver shoots up your spine, causing you to break from your kiss. You can’t help but try to grind down on it, creating a wet spot on his pants from your slick. He groans against you, trying not to drop you from the stimulation.

He’s quick to bring you into the bedroom, kissing you with more fervor. You manage a glance backwards and see just what Kylo’s done to your shared bed. You both barely make it to the haphazard nest he’d made for you in his own desperation, his mind wanting to protect a mate that wasn’t even there and driving himself insane over it. It’s full of dark blankets, pillows, and just about every article of clothing from his closet—soft tunics, capes, undershirts—piled onto the bed so it’s positively drenched in his scent. It’s absolutely heavenly as you fall back into it, surrounded entirely by your alpha. Kylo follows after you, shedding his clothes as he goes and merely adding them onto the nest, the scent of them fresh and potent.

“All for you,” he breathes against you, sticking his face into the crook of your neck, “everything is for you.” He inhales against your gland, tongue darting out to lick sensually at it. You squirm beneath him, moaning openly as your swollen, red gland is finally given attention. His bare hands slip beneath your white tank, pulling it up and over your body, the cold air making your nipples perk up instantly. Your pants and underwear are next to come off and you squeak when your slick becomes chilly against your skin.

“Fuck,” Kylo groans, “smell so good.”

“Alpha,” you whine, wrapping your arms across his wide shoulders to bring him closer, “alpha please…”

The ache and pain you feel is starting to become too much. You need him, you need him to fuck you, to pump you full of his cum and plug you up with his knot. Just the thought of it is enough to make your legs quiver and for your cunt to flutter. He knows exactly what you’re thinking of and he feels the need in himself just as much. He needs to take care of his omega, to make sure you won’t want for anything, and guarantee that you become swollen with his pups. A growl rumbles in his chest, his cock jumping at the idea.

His hand that was on your hip moves lower and he doesn’t hesitate to sink two fingers into your heat. They meet no resistance, sliding in and out with complete ease from the way your body has been preparing yourself for this for the last five hours. You throw your head back, mouth falling open at the relief you feel from finally having something fill you, cunt clenching in appreciation. The sounds your body makes are disgusting, copious amounts of slick being sloshed around by Kylo’s fingers. It’s wet and depraved and nasty and you’re enjoying every moment of it. He uses his thumb against your clit, rubbing back and forth and nearly making you scream. That combined with his mouth altering between the glands on either side of your neck makes it very easy for you to cum. Your body seizes, muscles constricting as pleasure wracks your body.

You can feel part of that fire within you finally die down, but it’s still not enough. There’s still an ache nestled deep inside you that his fingers can’t help with. “Please! Alpha, please, more..” you cry, grabbing at his arm to try and pull him up, to make him give you what you want so badly. You need his cock, the thing red and begging for attention, standing tall against his abdomen and dribbling precum.

His fingers withdraw from the warmth of your cunt and it makes you wince and whimper at the loss, your legs immediately trying to close and rub together in an attempt to get some friction. “What a desperate thing you are.” Kylo mutters, bringing his soaked fingers to his mouth and running his tongue along them to gather your slick. You’ve seen him do this countless times but it still has your face blushing furiously. He hums his delight. “Delicious, as always.”

He gets his hand under your back, scooping you up and flipping you onto your stomach. He tugs you towards him harshly, repositioning you like a doll so your ass is in the air, your face pressed against the materials of the nest. Kylo’s scent overwhelms your nostrils, heady and aroused. A mixture of slick and cum oozes from you, dripping down the lips of your cunt and your clit and onto the bed below. You wiggle your lower half, trying to entice him. “Please… need you..” you say, voice muffled by the pillow you’re currently hiding your face in.

Kylo’s hands run from your breasts, down your sides, and settle on your hips, the rough texture of his callouses making you shiver. “My beautiful mate.” He whispers, enthralled by your body as his eyes trace over it. The head of his cock prods at your entrance and you suck in your breath. You nearly sob as he sinks to the hilt inside your cunt not even a second after, your nails digging into the blankets below you from how full you feel. Kylo stretches you to your limit, getting so deep into you it’s like you can feel him in your stomach. He sighs in relief, his massive body bending over yours so his forehead rests against your shoulder. His chest is so warm against your back, his big muscled arms braced on either side of you. You’re basically caged in and pinned down, completely at his mercy. You couldn’t be happier. Your omega keens at the attention, at your alpha displaying his complete dominance over you.

His first thrust is bliss—sliding out of you almost entirely before slamming back in, his pelvis pressed sharply against your ass. He does it again, and again, getting steadily faster with each one until he’s built up a steady rhythm that has your entire being shaking with the power of it beneath him. Your mouth hangs open, drool falling from your lips, your eyes rolling back into your head. His grunts and groans and rumbles fill your ears, your own moans rising to meet them. He presses his lips against the gland that bears your bite mark, breathing you in again and moaning. “My mate, my mate,” he says reverently along your skin, “fuck- m’gonna fill you so good. You’ll give me pups, won’t you? You’ll make me a strong heir.”

“Yes! Yes, anything!” You wail. To your heat addled mind, nothing sounds better. Nothing sounds better than him filling you so full of his cum that there’s no way you don’t get pregnant. You want him so deep that he gets directly to your womb. You want to satisfy your alpha, you want to show him how obedient you are. Yes, you’ll do whatever he wants.

“My good girl.” Kylo praises, sucking your gland into his mouth and making you scream from the pleasure. It’s so shockingly intimate, warmth blooming in your chest and spreading along your body. He’s always been obsessed with your glands, even before you were mated. Your scent brings him so much comfort, such a feeling of home that he can’t stay away. He has his nose buried in the crook of your neck whenever he can and he it turns him on when he’s able to get his tongue on them. Your scent sticks to the roof of his mouth, it becomes the only thing he knows, the only thing he can taste. He fucking loves it.

“So good, sweetheart.” He gasps, sweat dripping from the ends of his hair. He watches where his cock disappears into your cunt, entranced. “Needed to fuck you so bad..”

If your brain wasn’t pure mush right now, you’d agree with him. But you can’t think with the way his cock is splitting you open, each thrust piercing your cunt and hitting that spot right at the top that seems impossible to reach without him. It makes it feel like lightning is igniting your blood, your vision flashing white. You didn’t realize how hard you were gripping the blankets until his large hand perfectly eclipses yours, his fingers slipping between your own so you hold on to him instead.

You hear his growl by your ear as his thrusts become more erratic, knowing he’s getting close. His free hand reaches under you to your clit, fingers playing with it roughly. He’s going to make sure you go along with him. You jerk from the added stimulation bordering on overstimulation from the constant pounding of his cock and the sensitivity from you already cumming once. Your moans get louder and louder, punctuated by each thrust he gives you, breaking in the middle and becoming more high pitched than usual. Your breath is pushed from your lungs, the pillow beneath you is soaked in drool.

“Mmn, shit-“ Kylo groans. He sounds drunk when he talks, his words slurred by his rut and pleasure. “Gonna give you pups. M’gonna knot you, you’ll be so good. My perfect mate.”

Yes, yes that sounds like everything you could ever want. “Please, please! Please alpha I need you-“ you beg, finally finding some semblance of your voice. “I need your knot!”

Kylo grunts his acknowledgment, his thrusts picking up the pace as he teeters on the edge. Then you feel it. Swelling begins at the base of his cock, steadily getting bigger. His movements are forced to slow along with it, becoming more and more restricted as his knot grows. Just as you feel like he’s stretched you to the brink, he lowers his head and sinks his teeth into your bonding mark. You scream. You scream so loud you wouldn’t be surprised if someone walking by outside your rooms heard you. Your vision is pure white, you feel like you can’t breathe, and you feel such a deep connection to Kylo in that moment that it pushes you over the edge. You cum harshly around his cock and his knot, cunt spasming. He cums at that same moment, hot ropes of his seed coating your walls white and his knot plugging your hole to keep it all in.

Neither of you move for a good minute because quite frankly, you’re not able to. The aftershocks are enough to keep you frozen, simply panting and trying to catch your breath. Your entire body is buzzing with pleasure and it feels like you’re floating in the clouds. Kylo is the one to come-to first, getting his arms under you to flip you both on your sides so that he’s spooning you, chest pressed firmly against your back and his big body practically engulfing you. The movement jostles his knot and makes more cum spurt from his cock and it sounds like he chokes on his breath.

He sighs, kissing the back of your neck before shifting his attention to your bond mark. Kylo’s tongue runs over it soothingly, almost like an apology for biting you. He just felt the primal need in him to refresh the mark, to let anyone else know that you belong to him. With the way you’re absolutely covered head to toe in his scent, you think everyone across the galaxy will know. “You okay?” He murmurs once he’s satisfied.

You nod, even though it feels like too much work. “Mhm.” You’re exhausted. Your heat was completely fucked out of you… for now at least. You know it’ll come back in an hour or two, ready for the same thing all over again. At least your alpha will be with you this time.

“You did so good, sweetheart.” Kylo says, his voice so full of love and adoration for you. He kisses along your jaw to the back of your ear. “My sweet omega.” You love his praise, you love the moments after when he’s so soft and gentle with you. It makes you feel so safe and happy, like you have everything you could ever ask for. And you do, really, because he’s so willing to get you anything, to provide you with everything.

He’s quiet for a moment before kissing your gland again. You can tell something was bothering him. “Never should’ve let you go on that mission.” He mutters, anger biting at his tone. “I should’ve known it was too close.”

“It’s okay. I didn’t expect it either.” You say, taking his hand that had been wrapped around your waist into your own. “It’s fine now.”

“I could feel when you were going into heat,” he continues, burying his face in your neck to remind himself that you’re here, “I could feel it and I wasn’t there… it drove me fucking insane. I needed to get to you.”

You can only imagine how it affected him, sensing you across the galaxy and being so incapable of helping you at all. You get glimpses of those past emotions through your bond; how angry he was, how agitated and scared. He’s far more attuned to the Force than you are, so it was much easier for him to connect to you than it was for you to connect to him. He had to just stand back while you suffered.

“Kylo, it’s okay.” You murmur again, bringing the back of his hand to your lips to break him from his thoughts. “I’m here now. You took care of me so well. You built such a good nest.”

That seems to calm him down. “I did? I just threw what I could on to the bed.”

You nod. “It’s far better than what I had in that ship.” You nuzzle into the soft materials. “Good for pups.” Just the mention has his cock throbbing inside you and pushing out more cum, as if making sure that that actually happens. You both groan.

Once he’s done, you sigh contentedly and look around. “Though… maybe just a few things could be fixed.” You say, reaching out to fix said things as you do. They’d been bothering that primal part of you that enjoys the nesting for a while. A pillow was just a bit out of a place, a blanket wasn’t fluffed up enough by just a tad, and one of his capes was just slightly askew. It makes you feel kind of crazy, but it puts your mind at ease. The whole thing has Kylo chuckling.

He brushes hair back from your face. “You should rest while you can.” He orders. “You’ll need it.”

You’re already starting to feel drowsy again, so you can’t even argue. The low, rumbling purr that’s started in Kylo’s chest adds to it. It’s such a soothing sound—just like a cat’s purr, instantly making your body relax against him. You can feel the vibrations from it reverberated in your back. You curl up as best you can in his hold with his knot still in you, his strong arms secure around your middle. There’s no need for a blanket because Kylo keeps you plenty warm—he’s like your own personal heater.

Laying there in your big, comfy nest with your alpha holding you close and his scent all around you, with your heat finally satiated… it’s so, so easy to fall asleep.

[whaleofatjme1920]

Kinktober Day 2: Terms and Conditions [Toby X F!Reader]

Warnings: consensual non-con, slightly rough sex, bondage-ish MINORS DNI

Kinktober Masterlist

Reblogs are appreciated!

You squeeze your eyes shut as you feel his gloved, rough hands grip at your waist. He’s pushing you face down on your couch, legs braced against the arms and your torso pinned down to the cushions. Tears well in your eyes as you sneer. 

“Don’t make that face at me,” he chuckles as his fingers dexterously move to hooking into the waistband. “You agreed to let me in.” 

You huff as the sensation of cold air flashes your lower half. Heat dusts your cheeks when you hear the sound of a zipper coming undone. Your mind flashes back to the very moment that led to this. Your parents had always warned you to not trust strangers, but he looked so… helpless. He said he just needed a ride to the gas station, where he could use a phone or borrow one and his friends could pick him up. 

You felt bad for him and let him in. 

The two of you made polite conversation. 

He asked where you lived. 

He stuck a gun to your head. 

You said you’d do anything. 

And these are the terms and conditions to live. 

“Y’know, there was a time doing shit like this would get me hard from the thought alone,” he muttered to himself. His head tipped forward just a bit as he palmed his cock and started to stroke. Wasn’t anything fancy, just getting himself to the place he needed to be before he buried himself in you.  

You hear Toby spit and you cringe. 

“What did I say about making faces?” He questions as he cocks his brow up. He presses the head of his cock at your entrance and you suck a deep breath in. 

“What about a condom?” You ask, your voice soft and timid. You’re unsure of why you asked, only that you did out of stupid concern. In a situation like this, you really can’t deign to even think you’d get what you want. 

Toby looks at you and starts to press himself inside of you. “You don’t want a little me running around?” He sarcastically asks. He laughs softly to himself, partly in self pity and partly because you were actually worried about pregnancy at that moment. “I got snipped years ago.” 

You can only hope he’s telling the truth. Suddenly, you feel him push his hips against you, a low groan sounding from his parted ups as he squeezes your waist. You cry out softly and your body turns to mush. “W-Woah-!” You barely have any time to process the way he splits you open. It’s a white hot flash of surprise, even a little pain just from his size alone. He’s not too long, not from what you can feel, but he’s thicker than average. You haven’t even needed to see a cock to know that. Your nails dig into the cushions of the couch as he presses harder into you. 

“Fuck,” he manages to spit out through grit teeth, “haven’t gotten laid in a-fuck-while, have you?” He’s teasing you, of course. What else would he be doing knowing that you’re just going to take it like a champ in order to keep your life. He moans softly when he finally hilts inside of you, almost blushing at how warm and tight your cunt is. He knows it’s partly because your head won’t let you get wet, but the longer he stays buried inside of you he can actually feel you starting to cave. Before either of you know it, you’re starting to gush around his cock. “There it is,” he taunts you, “pretty, wet little cunt. Knew you’d give in eventually.” 

Toby moves forward and grapples at your wrists, loving the small fight you give him before you ultimately give in. It’s a cute effort, really, but he has your wrists tangled in his fingers and held tight behind your back. And he thrusts. Harder. Harder. He feels your legs press together as you try to deny yourself pleasure. 

The sound of skin on skin echoes throughout the room. “You’re taking it real good,” he hums as he starts pounding into you. He can feel your pussy press harder and harder around him. He watches as your eyes start to roll up when your face lolls to the side in an effort for you to breathe more oxygen. “Just keep taking it. Almost there.”

You hiss another breath and try to block out how good he’s making you feel. “Oh my god-” you moan softly. You feel like you’re going to burst from how hard he’s fucking you. Your legs press tightly together, almost like you’re trying to merge them into one another before you feel it. “A-Ah fuck!” And there it is. You gush between your legs, cumming on his cock. Wetness streams down your heated thighs as he continues to pound you through your high. Your nails dig into the palms of your hands as Toby holds you in place.  

He takes in a deep breath and presses against you, stilling and then spilling within. A deep sigh rumbles up from his chest and he softly pants, his body shivering from the release. He closes his eyes and slowly releases his grip. “Nice job,” he compliments before stilling and untangling himself from you.

A few moments pause and you twist your body a bit, looking up at Toby. 

“You okay, baby?” He asks softly as he helps you up, his strong arms cradling you gently. He rests his tired body down on the couch and brushes some of the sweat off your brow. “You really did take it well,” he murmurs as he kisses your forehead. 

You smile sweetly and close your eyes as he peppers your face in soft, little kisses. “Yeah I’m okay,” you answer. “Are you okay?”

Toby nods as he continues to cuddle you, treating you like a cute little teddy bear that he needs for comfort. “Mhm, fine as long as you’re fine.”