#and having a lot of weird and embarrassing things going on but.
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⏦゚♡︎ SEUNGHYUN (T.O.P) AS YOUR HUSBAND
୨ৎ pairing: husband!seunghyun x fem reader
୨ৎ genre: fluff! with mild sex talk
୨ৎ from myeong: hi!!! super duper excited to take this request since he’s been my love since I was a very young girl! have always looked up to him and I’m so happy to be writing for him!! and he’s back?! wooo!! please enjoy this! x
he’s going to be a very caring, attentive, and thoughtful husband. I don’t care what anyone else says about him, he’s going to be the bestest husband and do all that he can to make you happy.
is he perfect? nope. not even close to it and no one is perfect but what he does is try and he shows you that he cares and cares enough to work hard to keep the relationship as healthy as it can be.
sometimes isn’t clingy because he wants you to be the one to break first. he definitely enjoys watching you run to him for a hug, kiss, or something else.
shy!!!! he’s not shy all the time and likes to be the dominant one in the relationship of course and in a very non toxic way but when he does feel shy it’s the cutest thing you’ve ever seen a man do.
“what? you think this suit looks good on me? oh.. it’s what they told me to wear and honestly I wasn’t sure if it was too much.. but since you like it—”
he won’t finish because he’s looking down at the ground cheeks slightly pink from feeling a bit shy and embarrassed by how you keep staring at him and complimenting him. sounds weird for him hm? well! you’re just that special girl to him. I mean come on he married you!! he’s a different man now.
is very overly protective over you. will do all that he can to protect you and your relationship. since you are now a married couple he takes it to another level of wanting you and him protected as a couple.
“would you like to try this new dish with me? I can make it! or.. maybe.. we can cook it together?”
please cook with him because he secretly loves it and falls more in love with you watching how you cut up vegetables and the look on your pretty face when you’re concentrated and working. so cute
seunghyun is very obsessed with morning sex especially now as a married couple he just feels it’s needed and if you both don’t have time in the morning then expect before bedtime sex.
he loves trying new things with you. when he first brought up pulling hair.. it wasn’t yours. it was his. you pulled on his soft black locks and he felt this spark inside of him that he’s never felt before.
if it was a long night of sex he purposely gets up before you and makes you breakfast but not in bed since he’ll kindly drag you out of bed and have you sit at the table with him but you always end up sitting in his lap which he enjoys more of course.
“you’re such a pretty girl did you know that?”
“I.. love you a lot. thank you for loving me despite everything that I’ve been through. thank you.”
he’s a cautious husband and never wants you to feel hurt or anything close to that. he’ll do all that he can to make sure you’re happy, comfortable, and safe. he’s careful with his words especially when you two get into small arguments. he’s learned from the past on what not to do.
seunghyun is very emotional and he’s not afraid to show that with you. when he was younger it was a different story but he’s older now and has been through things that has shown him it’s okay to show such emotions. he trusts you as his wife and always cries in your arms if he desperately needs it.
expect movie nights with him!! which end in not watching the movie at all and just talking to each other about the weirdest topics or space of course.
will take so many pictures of you posing next to the moon specially the full moon since it’s his favorite! he finds it beautiful just like you. cries
nights in are his favorite but if you want to go out then he’ll do that for you. he’ll enjoy going on walks with you while eating ice cream his most favorite sweets. his free hand will hold yours tightly.
craves you in every way possible. he’ll need to kiss you often and stroke your hair or pull you closer to him and his larger frame. he enjoys how much shorter you are and constantly brings it up.
#fanfic#kpop#kpop bg#kpop fandom#kpop fanfic#kpop fluff#kpop smut#kpop x reader#kpopidol#headcannons#kpop idols#kpop boys#kpop x fem reader#kpop x y/n#kpop x oc#kpop x you#choi seunghyun#top x reader#top#bigbang x reader#bigbang
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You know, the thing is... most people don't know shit about ghosts. A lot of times people jump to "it's haunted" because they don't know what's going on. I want one time for Danny to realize that there's actually a carbon monoxide leak or buggy light fixture or black mold or something (maybe multiple somethings compiled), and fix it with just his common electrical engineering and household maintenance he picked up from his parents (the latter because they were too busy upgrading the house's traps to check the monoxide detector and such, and they made him clean up hazardous materials in the lab, so I feel he could handle mold).
To make this even more fun, let's continue torturing Constantine! He and Danny start working together because John wants to teach him how to at least con people properly for fucks sake! ("It's not conning if it works Connie!" "You and both know it ain't that bloody Hollywood exorcism bullshit doing the work") So on one of their first few houses, they get a case of carbon monoxide/black mold/creaky house/faulty wiring/whatever mundane explanation(s) that people mistake for ghosts. Connie doesn't realize at first, he thinks they're just here to do some fake bs and the real ghosts have all been scared off by Danny's strange aura.
Now, usually, Constantine is smarter (or more cynical) than this, and can remember to properly check for mundane explanations. But at this point he's too preoccupied by Danny's weirdness (and sass – Danny's sass is critical to properly annoying Constantine for optimal amusement) to do his job properly. That coupled with the fact that he doesn't think there really is a job this time – not with Danny around – and his guard is dropped. So when the signs of a "haunting" start popping up (flickering lights, strange smell, unsettling feelings), Constantine freaks because what the fuck could still be here that hasn't been scared off by Danny?! Last one was a bloody demon!
Danny, a bit more rational and possibly not affected by the neurological effects of black mold/carbon monoxide (or at least not to the same extent) due to ghost biology bs, calmly locates the problems and points them out. He proceeds to solve them or tell the homeowner he'll come back to fix it once he has the tools, leaving one confused/concerned homeowner (who still worries it's haunted anyway, only to be assured by Danny that they'll still cleanse the house to be safe because, "You hired us to exterminate spooks! We wouldn't be doing our job if we didn't do anything for them too!"), and one thoroughly embarrassed Constantine!
Alternatively, feel free to take this in the other direction of Constantine being the experienced one to point out how many "hauntings" are really just old houses showing their wear and tear. And Danny only then piping up when Constantine shrugs it off and just tells the homeowner to hire some repairmen, to say "I could fix that for you!" Revealing another, weirdly... normal layer to this kid, he's got actual real-life skills and was apparently a freelance electrician before this? Constantine expected a weirder backstory for someone so nonchalantly powerful (oh, little does he know....)
Anyway! Here's your random reminder to check your carbon monoxide detectors! And always check for mundane sources of problems, not just magical/supernatural ones. By all means, cleanse your house of malicious spirits, but also physically clean your house of suspicious stains. The mundane is not entirely separate from the magical, people! What if the evil spirits are trying to kill you through growing black mold in your bedroom, huh? What if that's their mode of attack? (btw, please feel free to have Danny explain any/all of this to the homeowner if you write this out)
Another dpxdc prompt (sorry it’s been so long)
So Danny, now grown up and the ghost king, is looking for a job. However bc of his responsibilities as king a normal job won’t do. He would need to be able to make his own hours and such. He tried to be a freelance repair/electrical guy (thx mum and dad for those skills) but it never made that much money.
Then one day, prompted by a joke comment from Tucker about going back to ghost fights, he has a great idea!!
That’s how ‘Spook exterminator’ is born!! (He wanted to call it ghost busters but that was trademarked)
He essentially becomes an exorcist for higher and is very good at it. See what he didn’t know before this is that the ghost his use to, realm ghost, are actually the strongest type of ghost and as the king of them he is the strongest of them. This essentially means he has a ‘top predator’ vibe that sends most non realm ghost running before he even steps into the building. All he has to do then is call upon his inter theatre kid and put on a good show before leaving with a full wallet.
It’s not like he’s scamming them or anything. He is getting rid of the ghost! He just likes putting a little flare to it! Plus it gives him better tips.
Anyway cutting over to Constantine who, drunk out of his mind, thinks it would be hilarious to higher some bogus exorcist he saw a flier for and take them to the most haunted house he knowns just to see what happens.
He was definitely not expecting every ghost to hightail it out of there before the guy even step foot in the door. For a second he thought that maybe he was wrong about the guy being bogus and that maybe he was actually an very skilled exorcist but then he proceeded to do the most fake ritual he had ever fucking seen. The guy couldn’t even speak Latin!!
Needless to say John was very confused
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Mine to have (Yandere Agatha harkness x reader) part one.
Idek man… I hope yall like it. :)
I don’t prof read cause idc. Good luck understanding you might need it. 🙏
(Warnings— yandere behavior, rough handling, blood, jealousy, unusual gifts, sexual behavior, Lustful intent… kidnapping.)
Also sorry for the long beginning.:(
It was late at night when you were organizing the books at the library. It was unfortunately your average evening. Not that you hated being a librarian, I mean you loved the silence and the ambiance, but when night hits it’s like a whole other world, a weird one.
Up until now the night shift has been fine, no problems or issues. But for the past few days it’s like someone has been watching you, you feel eyes on you when your back is turned, you see shadows out of the corner of your eye, and you hear noises.
Overall it’s creepy as hell. And the non working lights in the library don’t help.
When you hear a noise you jump. You freeze a moment before turning to look in the direction of the sound. Seeing nothing you grab your phone for a light and you slowly walk down the aisle of bookshelves.
Looking down you see a book on the floor, “What the hell?” You mumble and bend down to pick it up. “I am watching you…” you whisper as you read the cover. Totally not creepy.
You look around for where the book fell of the shelve but there’s no empty space. Confused you look around the area but nothing. You walk back to your desk and set the book down with a sigh. The good thing is you’d only have to be there for another hour.
Surly enough, nothing else happened during the hour and you finally locked up and left.
The next day you wake up to a text.
Emily/boss: hey, I know you just worked night shift but Caroline never came in this morning and I need help. Can you come?
You groan and throw yourself into your pillow. Of course you wanted to stay home and sleep. But you sort of have a crush on Emily and you don’t want to disappoint her.
Y/n: yeah sure, not a problem. I’ll see you there! :)
Throwing your phone down you sigh annoyed. Looking around you realize you haven’t really done laundry. You walk to your dresser and see a cute knee length dress. You pair it with some colorful tights, boots, a scarf, and your jewelry of course.
Making your way to the door you throw on a coat and grab your phone and keys.
Once at the little library you set your stuff down and see Emily. “Emily! I’m here. I can see why you needed some help. There’s a lot of people in here today.” You say as you look around. There really is a lot of people. It’s weird really.
“I know right, we hardly ever have one person walk in, let alone 20 people…” Emily laughs and looks around. “Right, well, I’ll go to the counter to check people out if needed.” You say and move over to your chair. As you turn on your computer you notice the book from last night still on your desk.
A shiver runs down your spine as you stare at it. Suddenly a voice draws you out of your trance and you look up quickly. It’s a tall woman, dark brown hair, piercing eyes, and a grin on her face.
“Hello dove, I’m not interrupting am I?” Her voice is smooth, welcoming even. “O-oh of course not, I was just.. looking at something- it doesn’t matter. What can I do for you?” You stamper out quickly, slightly embarrassed.
“Well, dove, I’m trying to grow my knowledge, if you will, expand my horizons. But I just don’t know where to start.” She practically purrs out. He voice sends a shiver down your spine but you try not to lead into it.
“Of course what books are you interested in?” You question and she smirks. “Well I was thinking romance maybe.. do you have anything that’s worth my time?” Her eyes scan you up and down, committing it all to memory. You clear your throat before responding
“Of course there’s some in the back if you’d like me to show you, Mrs…”
“Oh! Agatha, Agatha Harkness… and it’s Ms. Not Mrs, dove.” She responds and you blush.
“Of course, my apologies. But if you’ll follow me I’ll take you to the back.” You say standing. Leaving your phone and wallet behind. “We have a variety of romantic novels. We have cliche romances, hallmark style, hmm.. we also have some more on the obsessive style if that’s more your thing.”
“Oh you have no idea” Agatha reply’s with a smug grin. “I like this one.., it looks like a good book. Don’t you think Y/n ?” She asks and picks up a dark romance book. One about a young woman who’s taken hostage by her boss and falls in love.
“Oh, yeah sure.. I haven’t read it but it’s got great reviews.” You say shyly. Then your brows furrow. “How do you know my name?” You question. Agatha passes for a moment but then laughs, “it was on your name tag silly.” Calming down a bit you blush. “Oh sorry..”
Agatha’s eyes look at your body with an intensity that could only be described as hunger. She swallows hard before moving closer to whisper something.
“Hey Y/n there’s a line at the counter!” Emily yells suddenly. Stopping Agatha in her tracks. She scowls before composing herself.
“I’m so sorry, if you’d wait a second I’ll come help you..” you whisper to Agatha and rush to the front counter. Emily smiles at you and rubs your shoulder as you sit down.
Agatha takes note of this and doesn’t like it one bit. How dare she, how dare that insignificant being lay their hands on something that was hers?! It was anarchy.
After dealing with the line Emily asks you to go for lunch. Completely forgetting Agatha you agree. “Sure I’ll come. Let me just grab my phone and wallet.” You rush to grab your stuff but your phones gone. “Huh… I could have sworn I placed it here somewhere…” you mumble.
“Looking for something?” A low voice comes from behind you. You jump slightly and cover your mouth. “Oh gosh, you scared me..” you cover your heart.
“Oh I’m sorry dove, I didn’t mean to” Agatha rubs your cheek with her finger. Her eyes look down to your lips and she smiles slightly. “I’m looking for my phone yeah..” you respond slightly nervous and you back up a bit.
Agatha’s smile fades at your move and her hands start to reach for you but she clinches her fists. “It wouldn’t happen to be this one would it?” She asks and holds up your phone. You look surprised.
“Yeah it is where did you find it?” You let her set it in your hands.
“Oh it was on the bookshelf where we were talking dove, you set it there before we were..” she paused for a moment then her voice hardens a bit, “rudely interrupted” she finishes.
“Right well… thanks for bringing it back. But we’re closing for lunch so..” as you walk to the door and open it for her to leave she doesn’t move.
Her smile is thin and doesn’t reach her eyes, “we? Whose we” she asks sort of demandingly. You stand confused a bit but you soon reply. “Me and the manager. But I’ll open back later if you wanna stop by.” You stand waiting for her to follow you out. She smiles at your words then walks out.
“Of course I’ll come by then.. but what restaurant are you going to…” Agatha says suddenly. You look up at her.
“I don’t know.. whatever Emily chooses i guess.” Her face hardens again. “Ah Emily yes.. she’s the object of your affection I suppose” her voice holding back venom. She quickly puts on a smile and leaves, “I’ll see you later dove.” You finally sigh and shut and lock the doors. “How unusual” you mummer as you walk to Emily’s car.
“Sorry, a customer was holding me up..”
At the restaurant you and Emily hit it off. You really do like her. Her smile, her laugh, personality… she has it all.
“Im so glad you came with me. I’m having a wonderful time” Emily says tenderly as she places her hand onto yours rubbing gently. You blush.
Agatha never did come to the library later that night. But you didn’t think about that much. Only the fact Emily was acting interested.
At your apartment you walk in and throw your stuff down. “Fuck that’s heavy” you grunt as it hits the floor. You walk into the kitchen and realize the light is on. “Shit i must have left it on.. now the light bills gonna be high. Just what I need.” Switching it off you grab a cookie off the counter and go sit in the living room with the tv on.
Suddenly your phone buzzes. “Who is texting at this time of night?” You whisper annoyed, though secretly hope it’s Emily.
Unknown: why would you do this to me.
Your brow furrows and you look confused.
Y/n: who is this and how did you get my number?!
You type quickly.
Unknown: you dare let another woman touch you, to laugh with you when you know what that does to me!
“What the fuck..” you mutter.
Y/n: look if this is a joke it isn’t funny.
Unknown: I love you Y/n, I really do, and it pains me to know you would see another woman. Which is why I have to do what I needed to do a year ago.
You stare at your screen shocked. Who the hell was this?! And what were they talking about?!
Y/n: what do you mean?!?
Y/n: hello!?!
No reply, nothing. You set your phone down and decide you need to calm down.. you start to worry about what this person meant by, “do what I needed to do a year ago.”
You lay in bed and start to relax a bit. Not wanting to think about it. And just as soon as you close your eyes the door creaks. Your eyed shooting open. A tall figure is standing in your door.
Okay so… this is a part 1 I guess. I don’t want to leave it like this but do you guys want me to add more?
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if you're still doing it, what is get him back about?
(and for the other anon that mentioned it! but i'll be using your ask to post about the other story you asked about ❤️)
get him back! is my silly little fic for bearnelli (also heavy on lestappen [ofc] and some chollie)
Premise: Kimi’s been down bad for Ollie for over a year. But ever since their rookie f1 season started, he’s been beyond jealous that all his friend can seem to talk about is Charles Leclerc. When he realizes that Ollie genuinely likes Charles, is, in fact, infatuated enough to consider making a move, he loses it and goes to Max for advice. Surprisingly, Max turns out to be very willing to help Kimi get his man (while also staking a claim on his.)
this one is fun because i have two outlines and it might be a sillier 5 +1 thing or it might be a bit more toxic. i haven’t quite decided, but it will definitely include jealous kimi, jealous/possessive max, oblivious charles, and infatuated ollie (because @honeyandthunderstorms and I a chollie vision that is so fun, omg)... and some lestappen smut 😏.
Snippet under the cut!
“You seem upset,” Max tells Kimi carefully as they walk back through the paddock. “Are you all right?”
Glancing around, Kimi jerks his head to indicate Max to follow him to a quieter corner, one where he can speak more freely.
“Is Russell being a dickhead again,” Max asks, a little too knowingly. The Red Bull driver was always excited to hear about any issues that Kimi was having with his teammate.
“No, it is not George,” Kimi frowns, weighing how much to actually tell Max. It’s just- if he doesn’t talk to someone about this he thinks he’s going to explode.
“Then what?”
“It is Ollie.”
“Oh,” Kimi doesn’t like the teasing way Max smiles, his eyes crinkling, “What did Bearman do? I thought you two were mates?”
And look, Kimi could tell Max a lot about what Ollie has done. He could tell him how some nights Ollie is all Kimi can think about, or how one of his favorite things to do is make Ollie laugh, or maybe he could even tell Max about that wonderful, horrible kiss that happened last season…
But Kimi is not stupid, he knows better than to embarrass himself in front of someone like Max Verstappen.
In his angry state, he does not, however, have any issues with embarrassing Ollie.
“I need to get him to shut up about how in love he is with Leclerc.”
The smile quickly slides off Max's face.
“What?”
“He will not stop talking about Leclerc,” Kimi continues, already feeling himself getting worked up, “Any time we are hanging out, all I hear is ‘Charles said this’ or ‘I was watching Charles onboards’ or ‘Charles sat by me on the plane’. I cannot take anymore of him and his stupid crush! It is driving me crazy.”
Max has been listening closely, looking very serious all of a sudden, “You really think he has a crush?”
And Kimi knows he shouldn’t say anything more, should just leave it at that and keep Ollie’s secret. But the hurt and jealousy are still too overwhelming-
So Kimi scowls and continues, “I know he does, Max! Today I told him he should just kiss Leclerc already since he is so obsessed with him. Then he got all weird and asked me what I thought Leclerc would do if he did kiss him. Or if I thought Leclerc could ever like him.”
Max’s face twitches, “Oh, really?”
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Also when I make shitposty jokes like that I LOVE taking them Way Too Seriously. Like. Yeah that's funny, but what does it Mean actually, for Freyja to say all that to Moe? Is she propping herself up, rubbing salt in the wounds of someone who could not achieve "goodness" as presented to it, by explicitly stating she was raised as a lotus flower, already a pure and divine being from the start? Who, as you can plainly see, manages to embody that purity and divinity to this day, whereas Moe has failed to? By saying she smells nice like vanilla all the time, does that imply that Moe could stand to have better hygiene habits, or at least is self-conscious of the times it gets forgetful and/or neglectful in that regard? Or at very least is just extremely self-conscious that it sweats a lot when nervous (which is nearly all the damn time)? And when Freyja leaves the beetle for dead in such a specific way, is Moe thinking of and empathizing with the protagonist of Franz Kafka's The Metamorphosis?
#moe tag#moe lore#there's an eviler option for the second example. btw. not telling you what.#i really did just make like. the world's most abandoned stray cat of a guy.#world's most pathetic sopping wet beast. who has so many problems. an ungodly amount of complexes.#maybe the ultimate power fantasy is being so outrageously sad and soggy and bitey on top of that for good measure#and having a lot of weird and embarrassing things going on but.#still being beloved. being safe to be all those things.#you have to work with the people who love you who you love of course. that's a constant lesson moe is learning#but you can be loved AND safe. you can be safe and loved.
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SHES BAAAAAAACK !!!!!!!!!!!!!
I appreciate your angst so much more when you give me a happy ending🥹 IM SELFISH OK. this was sooooooo lovely😭
The thing about Bucky Barnes was, well, he’s kind of an asshole. I'm listening 🎧
You were finishing up a game of beer pong where you and Bucky absolutely dominated, and as you sank the last cup, he picked you up, swinging you around before setting you back on your feet. The thing is, he didn’t really let you go. You stood there, in the middle of a crowded party, with his arms around you and it was like everyone else disappeared. oh I'm weak. absolute knee buckling
There was a moment of silence on the other end, then a sigh. oh im nauseous tiffany.
He sounded so sincere, and he was your best friend, so you took a deep breath and sighed, accepting the fact that if you wanted Bucky in your life, this was just something you would have to deal with. :( this sucks LMAO this is such a real and unfortunate feeling that youve perfectly pictured into my brain ft bucky :(
You wanted to argue, to scream, to make him feel bad about choosing her over you, but hadn’t he already? So instead, you mumbled a quiet agreement and hung up, not wanting to talk to him any longer. Already, it felt like the beginning of the end. im throwing up currently
You sat down at his table, no longer interested in placid excuses and apologies, and asked him point blank what was going on. YA GOOD FOR YOU BABE
You nodded, grabbing your coffee as you stood up, and headed for the door. If he was willing to let your friendship go, then you weren’t going to fight him on it. So you left, face heated with embarrassment and tears threatening to spill over. nooooooo:( i know a place we can take dot 😈 this is so beautifully depressing:(
Adjusting to a life without Bucky was weird, you had to admit, but you did it anyway. The first few weeks were the hardest, when he was the first person you wanted to text during any occasion, but eventually that muscle memory faded until you were reaching out to the people who actually valued you in their life. EVENTUALLY THAT MUSCLE MEMORY FADED UNTIL THAT MUSCLE MEMORY FADED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bc you never had to THINK with bucky everything was instinctual I'm SPEECHLESS YOU COME HERE AND KISS ME ON THE MOUTH 🙀
You supposed it was kind of funny, in that asshole way of his, and you stared at the message for another moment before responding. OH 🥲🥹
YOUR BUCKY GET OUT
He wrapped you in his arms as he stood in front of you, and it all felt so heartbreakingly familiar you gave in immediately, all the tension leaking from your body at the feeling Bucky gave you. he's home🥺
It was electric. Never had a kiss from someone else ever lit a fire inside you the way one from Bucky did. It started off slow, searching, a chance to reacquaint yourselves. But the second Bucky’s hand reached to tangle in your hair, everything shifted. the build up is phenomenal 🤤🤤
All it took was a soft whisper of come on, baby and a crook of Bucky’s fingers and you were falling apart, the intensity of your orgasm whipping through you, and as you floated back down to your senses, Bucky was still going. i am FERAL for this
“I missed you so much.” You didn’t respond for a moment, but you lifted your head to meet Bucky’s eyes. In them lay the sincerity of his words, vulnerable now that they weren’t being said in the heat of the moment. :( soft baby omwgskdhjs
genuinely i don't know how you hated the smut bc it was so passionate:( and it really said a lot for them i think. a moment of deep connection to further solidify what they were feeling together🥺 I hope this helps you see that🫶🏻 never doubt yourself baby you're amazing!!!!
the art of missing someone
summary: bucky barnes was a lot, but he would always be yours
pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader
word count: 3.2k
warnings: brief college then modern au, little bit of angst, don't ask if this is based off personal experience i will cry, smut (MINORS DNI!) [unprotected sex, oral (f receiving)], confessions, idk man i'm just here
a/n: first fic of 2025!! this was a bitch and i still lowkey hate it but it is what it is
main masterlist - i no longer have a taglist but you can follow @theafterglowlibrary for updates!
The thing about Bucky Barnes was, well, he’s kind of an asshole.
In a funny way, really, but an asshole through and through and, for some reason, that did it for you.
It did it for you so much, in fact, that you had been going in circles with him for years now. You met him originally at a party in college; you didn’t know anyone except for your roommate, Natasha, and she introduced you. You immediately gravitated towards him, with his quick wit and sharp opinions, you felt like you could talk to him about anything. He kept close to you the entire night, getting more touchy as the evening dragged on, until the tipping point came.
You were finishing up a game of beer pong where you and Bucky absolutely dominated, and as you sank the last cup, he picked you up, swinging you around before setting you back on your feet. The thing is, he didn’t really let you go. You stood there, in the middle of a crowded party, with his arms around you and it was like everyone else disappeared.
Searching your eyes for permission, he bent his head down and his lips met yours and that was really the beginning of it all. It was unlike any kiss you had ever had, sweet but a little desperate and you craved more.
It became a thing, after that. You would see Bucky at a party, make nice for a few hours, then end up in a closet or empty bedroom making out until someone came to find you.
But more than that, Bucky became your friend. He was who you talked to in your darkest moments, who you sent stupid videos to, everything, and you liked it like that.
That is, until everything got turned on its head.
It happened right after graduation. You had just moved into your own apartment and were waiting for Bucky to come over for movie night. You hadn’t seen each other in a few weeks, the communication very much lacking, but you figured it was just a busy time for both of you and once you got settled, everything would be fine.
That is, until you got a phone call as you closed the microwave door and started the popcorn. Immediately seeing Bucky’s name, you wiped your hands and answered.
“Hey, you almost here?”
There was a moment of silence on the other end, then a sigh.
“I- I don’t know how to say this,” Bucky started, and you found yourself growing nervous. There was nothing you and Bucky couldn’t talk about. Well, almost nothing. “Me and Dot, well, we’ve been talking and…”
His voice trailed off, the line going quiet again. But you were going to make him say it.
“We’re getting back together. She really wants to make it work this time.”
And there it was. Dot was Bucky’s on again-off again for the last several years, stretching back to before you even knew him, and it was a sore spot in your friendship. They had mostly been “off” in the time you’d known him, save for a few memorable occasions where she wormed her way back into his life for a couple weeks just to break his heart all over again. It was safe to say she was not your favorite person, and you certainly weren’t hers.
“Bucky…” you started, but he cut you off.
“No, I know what you’re thinking.” He actually probably had no clue how evil the thoughts you had were, but you weren’t going to enlighten him. “But it’s serious this time, we’ve been talking since graduation and we’re both ready to give this a real shot, without all the bullshit.”
He sounded so sincere, and he was your best friend, so you took a deep breath and sighed, accepting the fact that if you wanted Bucky in your life, this was just something you would have to deal with.
You could hear his relieved laugh on the other end, and you felt your stomach give an odd lurch, like someone had pulled a carpet out from under you.
“I knew you would understand, thank you.”
“Of course, Buck. Now, what about movie night?”
Another beat of silence, then, just like you knew it would happen:
“I can’t, Dot is coming over.”
You wanted to argue, to scream, to make him feel bad about choosing her over you, but hadn’t he already? So instead, you mumbled a quiet agreement and hung up, not wanting to talk to him any longer. Already, it felt like the beginning of the end.
And you weren’t sure you were ready for that.
-
It didn’t even happen slowly, is the worst part. You didn’t see Bucky that night, or any night for the weeks that followed. It wasn’t until you saw him at the coffee shop by your apartment that you were able to talk to him.
You sat down at his table, no longer interested in placid excuses and apologies, and asked him point blank what was going on.
“I’m just trying to keep Dot happy.”
“By staying away from me?” You were frustrated, sure, but under that really you were just hurt. “Listen, you know I don’t like her, but I would never ask you to choose between us. That’s not fair and if she cared about you like she said she does, then she wouldn’t either.”
“It’s not like that!” His voice was raising, just a little, so you knew he was just being defensive. He must have heard it too because he cleared his throat, voicing going back to normal. “I just don’t want to cause any problems.”
You nodded, grabbing your coffee as you stood up, and headed for the door. If he was willing to let your friendship go, then you weren’t going to fight him on it. So you left, face heated with embarrassment and tears threatening to spill over.
As you passed the threshold to the coffee shop back onto the sidewalk, you pulled your headphones on, ignoring the bustle of the city and Bucky still watching you leave through the window.
-
Adjusting to a life without Bucky was weird, you had to admit, but you did it anyway. The first few weeks were the hardest, when he was the first person you wanted to text during any occasion, but eventually that muscle memory faded until you were reaching out to the people who actually valued you in their life.
Almost a year passed, and you moved on in all the ways you could. You heard Bucky moved back across the river to Brooklyn and that was about all you knew; your friends avoided the mention of even his name if they could help it, even though you knew at the very least Steve and Natasha still talked to him.
You just hoped he was happy, no matter what he was doing.
It was a cold January night when the notification came through. Wanda had recently convinced you to get on a dating app, even though you were perfectly content being single, thank you, but you had to admit the attention didn’t hurt.
You weren’t expecting much when your phone chimed and you unlocked it without even looking at the notification. Which is how you came face to face with Bucky’s Hinge profile, and a message attached to a picture of you that you knew he had taken saying: hey, you look familiar.
Was that really how he was going to make amends, on a dating app?
You supposed it was kind of funny, in that asshole way of his, and you stared at the message for another moment before responding.
oh, i know you?
if you want to
And, well, that was the thing. You did want to. No matter what he did, no matter how much he hurt you, he was still your best friend. Your Bucky.
Instead of answering, you pulled up a contact you hadn’t opened in months and pressed call. It rang one time before a familiar voice flooded the other end.
“Hey, stranger.”
“Hey, Buck.”
It was a healthy conversation, if you were being honest. Bucky apologized, told you he and Dot were done for good this time and, against your better judgment, you accepted it. You talked for hours after that, catching up on life and reminiscing on old memories, until you checked the time.
“Shit, it’s late,” you said as you put the phone back to your ear. “Almost midnight.”
And then, the words you dreaded but wanted desperately.
“Come over.”
“To Brooklyn? Buck I can’t take the subway this late.”
“I’ll pay for your Uber. Just come over.” You could hear the words he wanted to say, the ones on the tip of his tongue that he just wouldn’t force out.
“Well, I did miss you.” You tried to press it, to make him say it, but he only hummed on the other end.
“So is that a yes?”
You looked down at yourself, cozied up in sweatpants and a hoodie that you were almost entirely sure was Bucky’s, and sighed.
“Yes.”
“Perfect, your Uber will be there in 8 minutes.”
You didn’t have time to wonder how he got your new address - probably one of your mutual friends, maybe he had been keeping more tabs on you than you had on him - and shot up from the couch. With no time to change, you headed to the bathroom and brushed your teeth before taming your hair in the best way you could. As you were stuffing some clothes in an overnight bag - just in case, you told yourself - your phone chimed with a text from Bucky that your Uber had arrived.
In a whirlwind, you rushed to the car where the driver seemed very put off at having to wait a whole 90 seconds for you to walk four flights of stairs, and slid in.
The whole ride there you were nervous. The thing with Bucky was, despite many drunken hookups, you’d never actually had sex. You weren’t really sure why, just that it had never happened and you had been grateful for it in the long run. You weren’t even sure if it would happen tonight, if he still wanted you like that. Even with all your talking and catching up, you hadn’t been brave enough to ask what this meant.
At nearly 1am, your Uber pulled up outside a beautiful Brooklyn brownstone and, there on the front porch, stood Bucky.
He wrapped you in his arms as he stood in front of you, and it all felt so heartbreakingly familiar you gave in immediately, all the tension leaking from your body at the feeling Bucky gave you.
“Hey,” he said softly into your hair. “Come on in.”
Bucky’s house was so far from his old college apartment it was frightening, yet it couldn’t have felt more like Bucky. More like home.
You took in your surroundings, shelves of books and vintage furniture and warm tones, it was almost like stepping back into your own place, the aesthetics were so similar. That was the funny feeling in your chest, you were sure.
Eventually, you ended up on Bucky’s couch with some superhero movie on, not really watching it but still grateful for its background noise to fill the room with each lull in the conversation. Not that there were many, one thing that came easy with Bucky had always been talking - although neither of you did much of that when it really mattered; you figured you could put that out of your mind for now.
Over the course of the movie, you and Bucky shifted closer together until your thighs were pressed flush and you could feel the air from each of his exaggerated hand movements. It wasn’t until a wayward wave nearly grazed your nose that you truly realized how close you had become, and the sight of Bucky’s eyes shifting subtly to your lips has your self restraint at an all time low.
Fuck it, you thought. You had wanted this for so long, but you also knew you could live without Bucky if everything went tits up. It was a sad thought, that, but you couldn’t let this opportunity go. With every bit of courage you had, you let your hand float up to cup Bucky’s cheek, eyes searching for any sort of hesitation. When you found none, you leaned forward to close the admittedly small gap between your lips.
It was electric. Never had a kiss from someone else ever lit a fire inside you the way one from Bucky did. It started off slow, searching, a chance to reacquaint yourselves. But the second Bucky’s hand reached to tangle in your hair, everything shifted.
Suddenly you were pulled in Bucky’s lap, legs straddling his, lips desperate for a taste of what you’d missed for so long. It was everything you hadn’t let yourself wish for, and you had a feeling you weren’t going to be missing it again anytime soon.
It wasn’t until your shirts were on the floor and Bucky was making quick work of your clasped bra that you thought maybe it would be smart to just slow down. Just for a second, just to get your bearings.
An honest to god whine fell from his lips as you pulled back, stopping his hands from undressing you any further.
“Buck,” you whispered, forehead pressed to his, hands cupping his face as if he was something precious. Though you supposed he was, to you at least. “What’s going on?”
“I just…” His voice trailed off, obviously unsure of himself even though this at least was familiar territory. What was to come next, however, was not. “I can’t go another day without making you mine.”
Your core tightened at the words, vivid memories of what Bucky’s hands and mouth could do; fantasies of what else he could do invaded as well as suddenly talking didn’t seem like a priority anymore.
“Take me to bed.” And that was all he needed.
Bucky scooped you up bridal style, carrying you across the threshold of his bedroom and laying you gently on his bed. Your eyes darted around, wanting more of snippets of the life Bucky had built here, but you were quickly distracted by his body covering yours, the weight of him pressed between your thighs was comforting and intoxicating.
Bucky’s touch proved even more distracting as he shed you of your bra, mouth immediately latching to one nipple, the little nips and sucks enough to drive you crazy on their own, while his hands pinched at the other. He continued his assault until you were dizzy with want, then he trailed down your body with his mouth, not leaving an inch of skin undiscovered until he reached the waistband of your sweatpants.
He pulled them down just an inch, then his eyes shot up to meet yours at the discovery.
“No underwear?” His voice was deep, husky, almost fucked out if you really thought about it. It was a thrill that your hold on him was so tight that just the thought of you without underwear was enough to leave him reeling just a little bit.
You batted your eyes innocently. “Someone didn’t give me much warning about my Uber, I apologize.”
The giggle in your voice suggested the insincerity of your apology, but it didn’t deter Bucky as he pulled your pants from your body, mouth and hands still exploring.
His fingers traced unknown patterns along your inner thighs, gently pushing them apart until you were fully exposed to him. You felt nervous all of a sudden, like you had never been in this position before. You had, of course, but never sober, and never with Bucky looking at you so attentively - like he was going to eat you alive.
It was intense, having Bucky’s eyes bore into you as he lowered his mouth to your core, starting with gentle kitten licks until your hips were bucking, searching for more friction. One of his hands pinned your hips to the bed, while the other slipped through your folds, spreading spit and slick, before he slipped one inside of you. Then two, then three, until you were begging for release.
All it took was a soft whisper of come on, baby and a crook of Bucky’s fingers and you were falling apart, the intensity of your orgasm whipping through you, and as you floated back down to your senses, Bucky was still going.
It was feverish, like he couldn’t get enough of your pleasure, and each twitch and moan encouraged him until your hands tangled in his hair, pulling him away from your spent body.
He let out a protest, but you silenced it by pressing your lips to his, moaning at the taste of yourself as his tongue pressed into your mouth. You were lost in the sensation, letting yourself be manhandled until you were once again in Bucky’s lap. Sometime while you had been transported to another planet, his pants had been shed and you were oh so close to getting everything you ever wanted.
With your mouth still pressed to his, you rolled your hips, feeling the weight of him sliding along you. You kept at it, teasing and grinding until he thrust his hips and there it was; one slight adjustment and the feeling of Bucky stretching you out to was more overwhelming than you could have imagined.
Your hips stilled, as did Bucky’s, letting you adjust to him until you pressed a chaste kiss to his lips, your way of telling him that you were okay, that he could move.
His thrusts started slowly, letting you feel every inch of him until you were begging for more. When his hands stopped roaming to grip your hips tightly, you knew you were done for.
Bucky held you in place, his hips snapping up to fuck into you and all you could do was hold on for the ride.
You were so overwhelmed you almost missed Bucky’s words, mixed in with his moans, but once you caught them, they were as clear as day:
I missed you.
Over and over, Bucky was repeating the words, interspersed with groans and heavy panting, but your heart restricted regardless
He missed you. Bucky missed you.
With your thoughts such a jumbled mess, reveling in the fact that this was really happening, your orgasm snuck up on you. One second you were floating on the high of Bucky and the next you were crashing, falling, and he was right there to catch you as you came down.
His hips slowed, stuttering as he spilled into you with one final thrust.
For a moment, the world around you didn’t exist. All there was was this moment, with Bucky’s arms around you and your head buried in his shoulder. Everything came back at once: your harsh breaths, the noise of the TV far away in the living room, and Bucky’s hushed whispers as he held you.
“I missed you so much.” You didn’t respond for a moment, but you lifted your head to meet Bucky’s eyes. In them lay the sincerity of his words, vulnerable now that they weren’t being said in the heat of the moment.
“I missed you too, Buck.”
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Instead of writing a fanfic like a normal person this oneshot turned into two separate, contextless things,
#sorry it’s how my brain works (sometimes can only see things in terms of tv scene-)#tumblr exclusive video fancy…#dcmk#my art#(quietly coughing and spluttering) OK alright I can feel the creative brain explosion slowing down. geez#coughs.#nyways. weird that there hasn’t really been a main case where poison is involved in a certain way#If I watch my own scribbled boards for too long im gonna get too embarrassed to post. Send post#Subarus hair is still infuriating by the way like take that off your normal hair is easier. The beanie is easier#you like Have to have the side corners on this haircut or it doesn’t look right#anyways. shiho ptsd moments I think she kind of gets irritated that shinichi doesn’t react the same so when he does she gets like#weirded out and vindicated and a little protective. Like woah wait. Love that you understand me rn don’t like that you feel bad I am going…#to…………. ssssssssssit here about it…………………………….. uhhhh. do you want. a rubix cube to get your mind off it#I don’t want to talk about my feelings I just want you to get it. you don’t wanna talk about your feelings either which is……………. Hmmmmmm#I like her. love of my life miyano shiho#masumi sera#conan edogawa#ai haibara#akai shuichi#let conan swear. HE SWEARS A LOT BUT LET HIM SWEAR IN ENGLISH I KNOW HE KNOWS THEM#man needs his emotional support akai family they like him#rigorous trials to being approved by the akai matriarch but everyone else likes him already and have already picked him up multiple times#and shuichi would let him swear
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seen one too many snide posts about this in the last week or so but did you know that if you don't enjoy scenes in smut establishing consent or checking in then you simply don't have to read them and you don't have to go online and whine about how they're Consent Posturing and Purity Culture and Sanitizing Everything and God Just Kill Me Now. like you can have a preference without making it into a three act morality play, which is ironically what you are accusing other people of doing.
the same goes for like, detailed content warnings on fics. or content warnings at all. you can just skip those. they're not a sign of Purity Culture Gone Too Far or Those Damn Puriteens or whatever. you can dislike things without being an asshole about them or implying they're Taking Away What's Good And Correct About Fic Or Creativity.
#gav gab#sex ment#there's a running thread in the L2L cinematic universe shower sex fic#about consent and checking in and like. being cautious and careful and Aware of the other party#and whether they want to be doing what they're doing#and it is there for a reason and it is extremely meaningful to the context of what's happening#and if i see one more post mocking the entire concept of addressing consent in a fic#i am gonna heap my lid#i really do think 'consent posturing' is one of the most enraging phrases i've ever seen online tbh#and there's some stiff competition#like. wrow. lot going on THERE.#i just hate that i'm so anxious about this part of this fic#i mean im anxious about the whole thing for various reasons but#seeing those posts some of which have been reblogged by people whose opinions i do respect#has made me really embarrassed and worried about honestly one of the most Meaningful parts of this fic#and i feel like i need to pre-emptively go on the defensive or else people will think it's Bad and Stupid and He Would Not Fucking Say That#etc etc etc#like i have to pre-emptively defend myself against accusations of bad writing#and i know the answer is just to care less about Posts On Line but i would like to cordially suggest perhaps the answer is also#stop being an asshole about a preference and asserting it like it is not in fact a preference#but is instead you speaking some kind of Good Take onto the stupid brain rotted puriteen masses or whatever#i am doing better about not letting the ocd win and caring less about Posts#whatever it may appear lmao i Am doing better with that#but that doesn't mean those posts arent still mean and shitty#and generalizing a lot of weird shit into things like#'establishing consent in a sex scene' which apparently is Inherently Boring And Annoying
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re: "good girl" i think they say it once randomly as a joke and its just one of those things that gets him wayyy more than they expected it would. so now its their secret weapon and they use it very sparingly and every single time he gets super embarrassed about it but it works ill tell you what.
#HES MY PRINCESS IDEK.#i dont think it happens naturally all that much because theyre usually in the business of calling each other names and being mean#so i think this would just be a random night where theyre on top and just think it would be really funny. to yank on his leash and call him#a good girl after bullying him into doing something. and well i just think it would get him is all i dont knowwwwwwwwwwwwww#i havr a lot of thoughts on the matter but i will stop for now#but the tldr is that with each other they tend to switch frequently and are always fighting#so i think itd take someone else being in the picture for hog to even realize how much he likes being a good boy :3#and i also dont think fish would be good at straightforward domming in the way he would want and they both know that#so its something he keeps between him and rat mostly. please dont ask me questions abt jrs sex life i have too many opinions on it#anyways. i think even tho fish knows theyd be bad at that they still feel left out so sometimes they go watch. they dont get anything out of#doing that theyre just sort of taking mental notes#all of this circles back to i think fish has always been the more sexually experienced of the two. and romantically.#i dont rlly think hog is a guy who dates i dont think hes ever been that and i dont think he made much time for hookups#(i think its cute if hes a virgin when they meet but 🤷 im not solid on it)#but i think for him hes just only ever fucked this one person and they do a LOT of stuff and it gets the job done so hes just never really#tried anything else. but. and again i have too many opinions on this but i think rat wouldnt be into their usual shteeze#i think hes a bit of a freak in his own way but the blood and weird anger issues is just not doing it for him most of the time#but i do think if given the opportunity he would LOVE to be The Boss for a little bit so i think he and hog can explore that together and it#will work out beautifully for them. this is great because i am not into strict d/s dynamics like that but i know in my heart that hoggy#would be. and i cant do that for him#again i think fish would be butthurt about this. mostly in a 'why didnt u tell me so we could try this :(' and he would go#'because you would suck at it and wouldnt like it' and they go oh. right. well im still mad#ANYWAYS. circling back. i think the good girl thing would be something fish knows that rat doesnt. and idk if theyd tell him or not#because i do think if they tell him he is using that for evil hog is going to be a good girl forever and ever. rat doesnt have the patience#to space it out the way fish does. which idk maybe thatd be good for hog he could work through some stuff...#but on the other hand i think its fun if they DONT tell him and just bust it out sometime when all 3 of them are doing the deed. or whatever#because again they mostly like how embarrassed he gets about it and i think he would be reallyyyy flustered by it#^ this is essentially part of my fantasy about spitroasting my beautiful wife until he cries just so everyone knows#idk i just think when he lets go of himself hed be a very cute and kind of needy subby bottom and i think hed be really easy to fluster#about it and i want it so bad
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🫀.
#listen who is going to write this fic where#louis suffers from syncope and has and ICD#and basically knows harry and his heart starts acting funny again#and he tries to avoid him even tho Harry is very likeable and pleasant and hot#and louis just can’t stay away because for some reason they happen to be in the same place very often (same dorm? idk something like this)#and Harry doesn’t push him#maybe he dates someone else in between ? idk up to the author#but then a kiss happens? and louis’ heart seems ok with it#so louis gets courage and lets harry stay close and they start something very cautiously#and when they have sex for the first time louis gets soooo excited his heart starts acting funny again and yes he passed out#and harry freaks out A LOT but does the right things and all#and then louis is embarrassed and doesn’t want to speak to harry anymore#but harry spends nights and days around the hospital room#he talks with friendly doctors and nurses (not about louis but just in general bc they see him there all day)#and so nurses and docs tell louis there’s this guy outside#who never asks for louis or anything he just stays there#because he wants louis to tell him what happened and the doc explains there is nothing to be ashamed of#that this guys really seems to care and louis cant spend his life avoiding people and relationships and be alone forever (very brutally)#and he’s just a boy so … lets harry in and harry is sooo insanely smiley but also he tears up because he had been so scared#(he hates get teary in front of louis bc he doesn’t want to make a big deal out of this and louis would probably find it weird)#and he brought Louis flowers (he did everyday)#and they don’t really talk but harry is happy with being there#and louis’ heart seems happy too because his heart starts racing#louis jokes about it being Harry’s fault if his heart is stupid#and harry smile drops and he says his sorry#and Louis reassures him and idk whatelse happens but like they will change their meds at some point and he will be fine lol#who writes it? cause i cant lol
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for the most part I actually don’t see Harry and Draco as being the get married types or at least not the have a wedding types but it’s also fun to just. Have them do it anyway. Weddings are fun and fun to write and read about!
#I wrote a wedding fic once and I kept getting stuck because#I find it rlly hard to imagine Harry having a wedding and not eloping#I feel like he would find getting married in front of his friends to be like tooo embarrassing for words#In my wedding fic they actually have already eloped#Before the fic begins#And Draco tells Harry that he wants to do something beautiful about it and Harry is like okay bet 🩷#I am probably projecting a bit because before I got married I thought it was weird that the convention is to do it in front of everyone#It still does seem like the P-est of pda#Or perhaps the D-est#I cannot vibe with Harry changing his name (in whole or in part) to Malfoy#I feel like Draco barely wants to be a Malfoy himself like it stands for something rotten#I mean I can ALSO see Draco being like well by hook or by crook I’m going to right this ship#And make the name Malfoy one to be proud of 💅🏻#That makes a lot of sense too#It just doesn’t tend to be my personal Draco ya feel?#I also cannot vibe with Draco being on super chummy terms with his parents#I almost always kill Lucius off#Once I had them both disown him#Sometimes it’s just Narcissa who disowns him bc Lucius is dead#Once I had Draco run away from home after a frightening confrontation with his mother#Once I killed off Narcissa and had Lucius in Azkaban (I don’t like that bc Azkaban shouldn’t exist!!!)#In my wedding fic the story is actually about like. Making your family#So Draco has been semi estranged from his mother and is trying to re-establish friendly contact#So he tells her he got married and she’s pretty pissed he didn’t tell her because it’s embarrassing to be left out of his life#Listen sometimes your parents love you enough to risk their lives for you#But still don’t love you enough to accept you for who you are#Those things are not mutually exclusive and I wish we saw more nuance around their relationship#Maybe I should write a fic where Lucius is alive and Draco is trying to be on friendly terms with him#But I think Draco’s bad feelings about Lucius would have started before the war and be grounded in broader things#Just like how Harry’s trauma starts before the war
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ugh okay yeah now i've thought too much about writing and am making myself feel very weird and bad. i think it is sleep tiem
#the anniversary of completing HYH is tomorrow and i'm abruptly feeling like. sad and weird and embarrassed about the writing i've done this#year which isn't fair because i Have actually put out a lot of things i'm REALLY proud of but i didn't manage to finish bury us both when i#wanted to and. actually i think i'm going to leave it there. i don't need to work myself into more of a frenzy.#melatonin and seltzer and sleep. i will be fine#bye!!
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household enemy to the yyh watchthrough number one is the olympics. it's taken us a week to get two episodes into the gamemaster fight
#out of three. please the third episode's what makes it okay im fighting for my life out here#it is NOT for lack of trying on my part but theres only a brief window of time when the olympics is not happening#and as it turns out the watchthrough is Not my mom's first priority (how dare she etc)#i do feel slightly bitter that we've gotten through two eps of band o brothers in the same time#we are fighting for the same timeslots yet somehow the hour long show's gotten a leg up??#you don't have time for a 23 min ep but DO for a 60 min one?? explain the math to me please#idk how to explain the vague feeling of betrayal bc it Does Not make sense Nor matter in the slightest#but cmonnnn we were doing so well. and my little bro's starting up school again soon and my dad's gotta go back to work#sometimes eventually (<- hes on medical leave) and my grandparents are coming over next week We're Losing Time Soon#ughhh if i'd known the olympics were happening (<- somehow completely oblivious to this) i'd have accounted for#my mom getting whisked away by the land of synchronized divers and shot putters and whatever the hell#happens in the summer olympics (<- only pays attention to winter olys)#bc that always happens. and *i* have to go back to school in Some Amount Of Time Im Too Scared To Check (p sure it's late aug though) and#when that happens i'll (hopefully) be stuck across town which means we won't be able to do it any time besides the weekends#and i don't wannaaaaa#i know this is the least important problem anyone's ever had like i get that i know but#it's important to me that they sit down and watch this with me. and watching it pull apart and being#the one who's easily the most invested it makes me look all desperate when i ask them for their time and they can't give it#we can only pull this off neatly in the summer and we were so close and now we're losing it right at the finish line#i don't want life to get in the way of this little bubble i've fought so hard to make y'know#and it's childish and embarrassing and whatever but i just want them to have fun with me with this thing i care about a lot#but i can't do that bc my mom needs to watch the judo matches at Every weight class#even though she's recording a lot of them? i don't understand but whatever i know it's her thing im just moping about it ig#i want it to be as perfect an experience for them as possible and it's slipping away from me#and i don't wanna leave this project unfinished when i start school y'know. sighh#i think they might feel like i only want them around when we're watching stuff. whcih is weird bc that's like#The Singular Way we family bonded literally my whole life so idk why they wouldn't get that when reversed#but either way that IS how i wanna spend time with them. i want them to understand this thing that's become a part of me#and i wanna talk With them about it. and so far it's been fun in a way it's never been before. my mom at least seems to really like it#and i want it to Keep going well bc if we lose momentum im worried they'll start finding it tedious. sighh
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truly something so empowering in just saying ‘fuck it we ball’. what a life changing mentality
#i’m a whole lot braver than i used to be#like of course the fear (anxiety) is still there but i’ve gotten a whole lot better at managing working through it#and often this is just brute-forcing my way through the anxiety. and that’s by saying fuck it we ball and just doing it scared#what’s gonna happen? i’m gonna embarrass myself? WHATEVER! i’ve embarrassed myself so many times in my life#it’s a regular part of my routine at this point. this is the nature of finding your place in this world. being clumsy and stupid.#this isn’t to say that anxiety doesn’t hold me back from things still. it definitely still absolutely does#i do some ridiculous shit because of anxiety#such as. oh shit i started walking the wrond direction. well i cant just turn around in the middle of the sidewalk ill look stupid.#i’ll just do a full loop around this building to turn myself around#fucking stupid. and very real thing that i have done.#i’m also weird about not knowing where i’m going inside a building. i get scared to walk around to look for a bathroom#ESPECIALLY in restaurants. i always ask where the restroom is before looking for it if i can’t see it from my seat#but then i realize im just walking and no one cares and im so brave
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girl help I’m experiencing
#weird addendum but pls don’t reblog my vent posts??? why would you even want to????#everything has been So Much lately and I wasn’t gonna vent but then I remembered this is my blog and I can do what I want#one of my best friends left the country last week and he’ll be gone for like two years and I’m so sad without him around#I mean he’s been messaging me every day since he left but it’s still hard not having him here yknow?#and I’m moving into his place but it requires a lot of work before I can so I’m always exhausted#and my joints have all but given out on me completely so I’m always covered in KT tape and braces#which doesn’t gel very well with moving furniture and heavy boxes#and I have no money so I need to be job searching but I can’t do that until I move. BUT I NEED MONEY TO MOVE#on top of that my grandpa died and there’s so much family drama involving that it’s unreal#and weirdly the thing I’ve recently felt bad about is I’ve been neglecting my self imposed Fandom Duties#maybe not fandom specifically but like. creative duties#I want to write fic. I want to draw. I want to read and comment on other people’s stuff#I also really want to do more of my non fandom writing because I want to get something published this year. but i got no good idea aaack#or early next year#and I’ve just had like. no time at all to do any of it and the time I have had I’ve been too drained to do it#ughghghghghghggh#I think today I will drink and try to write something. as a treat.#after I go on a reblog spree to bury this because emotions are very embarrassing#anyway how are you?
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sorry to ffxivlovepost always anyway Man the way the devs & game did so good in making an mc that is Basically a blank-slate for the players, and there's so many opportunities to make your oc However you like but. the game itself adds so much story and character to that blank-slate guy. amazing
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#⋯ ꒰ა ffxiv ໒꒱ *·˚#i think abt this a lot. and also a lot of other ffxiv stuff LMFAO#it's amazing ..... drk is a huge example of this i think#bcs it plays into the guilt and whatnot the wol feels and all that. spectacular#endwalker !!!!! shadowbringers!!! the way the game uses the concept of hope is just always so beautiful and fascinating to me#and yeah bunch of games may have like. mc you create & design but not always can you like. ehvejfhsjf idk how to explain LOL#it is 4 pm i woke up 2 hours ago but priorly woke at 7 am after havingn a rlly. weird sleep.#to which my twin told me 'i wont tell u what time it is' as we went to sleep so it def was Really late#bcs we were going thru re2 and she was also playing games on steam i've been telling her to play#(to which i got her fav characters right and knew fr how'd she'd like the game LMFAO. twins amiright.)#actually that is also smth so fascinating to me bcs. i always have had someone w me in my life. i am literally never alone.#to which what i'm getting at here is Wow... it's like having a sleepover every single day. and i was a kid always sad never to have#sleepovers bcs my parents were strict (they r cool tho!) but i was a kid who wanted to experience all the kid things#but i didn't rlly but that's fine :P i am a grateful person LOL anyway back on track back on black#ffxiv... the game that u are.....#it's the 1st game that rlly actually made me invested in the ocs of others and also make a fully fledged oc that wasn't just originally mine#but for a fandom or something. and also it got me back into writing and Into making poetry and prose so. yeah.#it's amazing how much. oc x canon ???? yeah. ffxiv is so Wow#like eveyrhhting w themis or graha and how u can AAGGGHHH shit w your oc . so many possibilities#and that character. those possibilities. are already in game but also expanded by the player and the fanbade and#idk it's so beautiful to me WHAGHSGDJDH. and yes me saying themis or graha up there is self-indukgent bcs#both of them are so Insane it's so. insane!!!!! i will never forget what happened in abyssos in particular that Broke me#and anabaseios... :)) i cried so much it is almost embarrassing. and wow. asphodelos. wverything w themis just. yeah#anyway graha... self-explanatory if u know..... idk he's the character of all time to me. simply said. but themis is crazy bcs going thru ab#yssos made me think for a bit 'hey themis might be my fav character in ffxiv now' but No but also Wow. wow#kinda cute bcs me and my twin have a thing where she has a certain type of chara she likes and me too#so sometimes. most times. all times. we have our own characters we like anyway but sometimes they overlap but either the case we kinda#lowkey 'segregate???' idk if that is a good word but we do that w our fav characters. so like emet is her fav elidibus is mine.#and that was all the way in arrr alr and we barely knew spoilers so that's kinda crazy! anyway
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