#and have no problems of your own
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Ok genuine question is it normal to be expected to hide/lie about your mental illness symptoms to friends? So obviously there’s trauma dumping but this isn’t about that—is it normal to just be expected to pretend you’re happier than you are because if you express that you’re doing bad one too many times people get frustrated that you’re not doing better?
I keep having friendships where I support them through difficult events so I think it’s a safe place but when I start to be honest about my depression they either get frustrated with me (more specifically frustrated that they can’t take my problems away) or distant. I know it’s hard to see a friend in pain but it also sucks to be in a position where you need to be constantly pretending to be silly and happy because that’s what they signed up for. I’m tired of being ‘too much’ for people, you know? I work hard to support my friends through their problems and I’m good at it, but lately I’ve found I just have to deal with everything on my own.
I’m tired of the stigma around mental illness because so much of my life I can’t even talk about for fear of being too depressing. I understand why it is the way that it is but that doesn’t make it any less isolating. It hurts that if I’m having a day where I’m really scared I can’t tell anyone about it because it’ll freak them out and I just have to wait for it to pass when I know just being around another person would help ground me.
Anyways ramble over I genuinely hope this is a problem specific to my situation and you all have people to help you through dark times. I truly hope we’re not all secretly left alone with our demons
#venting to my tumblr blog because I can’t talk to my friends abt this for obvious reasons#I’m in therapy so it’s not a lack of being able to talk about things#it’s the lack of being able to call a friend and say hey I’m really scared can i hang out with you for a little while#lea talks#negative#vent post#lea off topic tag#writing this I feel so evil like of COURSE people don’t want to be around you when you’re not masking you’re so bleak and depressing#but I really do try to prompt my friends into establishing boundaries#but I guess it’s easier to just pull back and be distant than to be honest#im aware of how hard it is to talk to someone who’s depressed im not constantly bitching about depression#im just constantly wrong abour who I can confide in#:/#being the therapist friend suuuucks because everyone expects you to be there to help with their problems#and have no problems of your own
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Apparently this needs to be said so
Forgetting things is morally neutral! Memory issues are morally neutral!
You're not a bad person if you...
forget things quickly
forget people
can't remember entire stages of your life
can't remember important things
can remember some things very well and forget other things all the time
can't remember things (or anything!) about your interests
forget to eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, etc
forget to reply to texts
remember things and immediately forget them again
can't remember birthdays, events, etc
frequently answer 'I forgot' to questions
can't retain new information
forget things you used to know
only remember things when it's too late
have vague, distorted and/or unreliable memories
depend on others to know how an event you were in played out
have other symptoms that are worsened by memory issues and vice versa
... and anything else I might have missed!
#muted#memory issues#adhd#actually adhd#dissociative amnesia#amnesia#memory loss#dissociative identity disorder#what other things cause memory issues#ptsd#i can't think of anything else#reminder#positivity#neurodivergent#neurodivergent positivity#memory problems#ice speaks#i tried to include as many experiences as i could think of#but out of everything i tagged i only have adhd so i probably missed a lot of stuff#so feel free to add your own experiences!#brought to you by... uh ironically i can't remember what prompted me to write this#something my mom said. i don't remember what it was tho
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"aphobia doesn't exist"
bitch literally not that long ago an aroace youtuber animator was insulted by almost half of its community for being it
#i did some research about it and found out that the problem was principally that she had previous experience in the romantic area#so people just didn't take her seriously and said she was lying#even though she stated multiple times that she wasn't comfortable in those situations#now things are more calmed but damn#mind your own bussiness#i believe she knows more about herself than you#sorry if i offended you with this comment but i hate how aro/ace/aroace people are always left behind#insulted and rejected because they “dont know what they are talking about”#or because they “just have to wait for the right person”#or because they are “psychopaths and they are missing something”#i love that animator and she helped me realise a lot about myself#and now that i know the context i think i will start making a list and killing aphobes one by one#aromantic#arospec#asexual#aroace#acespec
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Some Batfam Headcanons because the brain never stops;
Jason hates being called "Bruce's Son". But he hates it more when hes called "One of Wayne's Orphans/Wayne's child" because fuck you I'm his son-! wait no--
With the exception of Damian, they rarely refer to Bruce as "Dad/Father". Either it didn't occur to them/didn't see the need to/thought it would be strange. But when Dick/Jason/Tim/Cass are tired or injured it might slip out. And Bruce might just crumble a bit at it
Doesn't mean they don't say it to their siblings when Bruce is out of Earshot.
"Dad said you couldn't." "What do you mean Dad said I couldn't use that mug? It's my mug!" "You snooze you lose Timmy Boy-" "Jason don't be an asshole-"
That being said Bruce says "son/daughter/child" at every available opportunity he can after he knows that they have acclimated enough that they wouldn't be uncomfortable/know they can tell Bruce that they don't want to be called that.
First time Bruce called Dick "son" in a way that meant "You are my kid" and not in a "This police officer just called me son with a brow furrow" way Dick grinned and carried on with the conversation. Later he wondered if his dad wouldn't like someone else calling him Son; but Dick thinks about the life he was given because of Bruce and thinks maybe his dad wouldn't mind.
Calling Jason "son" is a hit or miss situation, even before he died. The first time it happened he was confused, he didnt think that was the relationship they had and it made everything change for him. He got frustrated--not angry--with himself and Bruce at this sudden emotional turmoil. Wasn't he just the kid Bruce picked up in an alleyway? Wasn't he just some street rat in bright Robin clothing? (He lets himself believe that he can be Bruce's son. If for only a little while).
Tim cries after Bruce is out of earshot, it would've been a year or so after his parents died and he was adopted. He didn't think he could have been wanted like that again. Even if you think the Drake's had A+ Parenting or not, I don't think he would have gotten a lot of confirmation of being wanted otherwise.
Cass smiles, emotions carefully concealed under her expression. She's grateful she found Bruce and he doesn't mention it if she leans a bit closer in a request for closeness.
Damian doesn't expect anything less, he only appears satisfied. But also relieved that he has gotten the confirmation that yes, Bruce wants and accepts him.
EDIT 10/11; hiii, i have added Duke, Steph & a Bonus in a reblog you can find on the same blog under my 'batfamily headcanons' / 'sore rambles' tag. have fun :)
#these are just my thoughts#they dont have to align with your own!#i am also trying to find a healthy balance between being emotional and being Angry for jason--#he wasnt the angry robin dammit! maybe emotional and a bit more physical but cmon#points at Dick 'Eldest Daughter Syndrome' Grayson#when dick gets older i would imagine that he would resent being called anything in relation to bruce#if its just for his angst phase when he first becomes nightwing or if hes dealing with his own identity/or going through a fight w bruce#i also find the father / son dynamic with dick & damian interesting so i might ponder on that a bit more#also giving tim insecurity issues about where he fits in with the batfam is important to my soul (i have problems)#sore rambles#lotuspowder rambles#batfam#dcu#bruce wayne#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#cassandra cain#damian wayne#batfam headcanons#dc headcanon#headcanon#batkids#batkids headcanon#HI IF YOURE LOOKI
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So, just curious how many writers and creators will have to be forcibly outed by relentless harassment before we acknowledge that "This queer characters was written by a cishet person and that's why they're bad" is not good criticism.
#yes i'm just going to come out and say it i'm talking about sera#not exclusively but i am talking about her#'but her writer actually iS A--' you don't know that! it doesn't matter! and i don't care!#just say that you do not like the character.#people will reblog posts about the latest actor or YA author or whatever getting forced out of the closet and be like#'wow. :( that's terrible.'#and then GO RIGHT BACK TO DOING IT#when are we going to learn#when are we going to stop doing this BEFORE somebody is forcibly outed#because in practical terms#that means you have to be okay with queer characters being written by straight people.#you have to stop weaponizing that against writers you don't like.#you have to be willing to critique the writing on its own merits#without using the writer's (assumed) identity to prop up your arguments#that's how it works#but who wants to actually change the way they talk about media#when tearing apart people's identities for clout is far more entertaining.#gwaren exports#fandom problems#fandom critical
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Basically, my philosophy around disability fakers is: I would rather a thousand people fake a disability than have one disabled person suffer without care, aids, compassion, or any help.
#disability#disability advocacy#and there's a difference not many people seem to recognize between faking and realizing you don't have [x] problem...#...such as realizing you don't have [x] disorder because it is instead [y] disorder...#...or you haven't completely understood your care needs/your symptoms/what helps you...#...and some people see ANY change in your understanding of your disability as proof of maliciously faking...#...when i suppose in my personal experience people don't *maliciously* fake disability...#...i'm not saying it could never happen but that i don't think it's the *only* thing motivating people called fakers#i just think (like most everything) this is complex and nuanced because it's a *human* experience#like for me personally i /know/ i still have a lot to learn about my disabilities...#...like... i realized recently that my hands shouldn't be in AGONY when warm water is ran over them when it's SLIGHTLY cold inside or out...#...and i realized that i likely have a Noticable limb difference that needs checking out. does this sound like i'm faking...#...or that maybe i just didn't really explore my own needs and body because of a variety of factors?#i can assure you it is because i haven't really thought before about how i deserved to understand how to best help myself
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never change, man !
#phantom of the paradise#potp#swan potp#nightmaretheater#65 layers and about 24 hours . Eeeyyuppp#Look into my beautiful mind boy#Its a bit unusual to what i usually draw#but i had to push a specific look for this piece#hopefully you all are picking up on the corperate look . the advertisment look#Sneeze. Anyways my point is industry destroys creative people. This includes swan#I feel like phrases like these ; how he was put on a pedistal…. it lead him to be Like That#as awful as he is he desperately needed help#it might seem like vanity on the surface#but i think its… more than that#long story short: we need to destroy the beauty industry. the skincare industry. the anti-aging industry#It ruined his psyche forever and he cant let go of the ideal version of himself he will never truly be again#i dont think he can at this point. hes in too deep and hes suffering for it no matter how much he feels hes fixed his problems#he cant accept a version of himself that isnt that perfect young man. because he never confronted his problems. he just ran away#anyways . Hi swath *punches him**kicks him*#i dont care if nobody gets me lalalalla my truths and headcanons are awesome forever and i live in my own reality lallaallal#sorry i think im gonna be posting about swan alot for a few months hes making me sick#i wass gonna post this earlier but my internet was real bad#*lays down in my pile of pillows* eat up boys. haha#sidenote: drawing white blond people is horrifiying. Boy your skin and hair are the same color. Introduce some contrast to yourself. Please#adding on: its inportant to note this focuses on him looking st himself in the mirror alot on purpouse#to remind himself what he ‘’’’really’’’’ looks like#the 4 middle pannels all represent that too . u have to be in my brain ri get this#sorry for unleashijg another swan essay in my tags. will happen again lol
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My real time reaction of watching an American influencer spread straight up lies about my country because they lived/visited there at some point
#“some DISGUSTING truths about korea” oh okay- i mean sure yeah. Racism is still pretty intense in Korea- I can understand how-#“60% of men and 81% of women think cheating is GOOD for their relationship” WHAT.#WE LITERALLY DON'T????#WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT STATISTIC THAT YOU PULLED OUT OF YOUR ASS#“it's super cheap to live and buy food in korea” NO??#WE HAVE THE SAME SHITTY ECONOMY AS YOU FAM- THE PRICES AREN'T FUCKING “3 TO 4 DOLLARS” PER MEAL???#HAVE YOU BEEN EATING PACKETS OF PEANUTS FOR BREAKFAST DINNER AND LUNCH?? WHAT?#and then they mentioned the racism which yeah- like I said-#it's a big problem there- that's a totally valid point#but 60% OF MEN 81% OF WOMEN DO NOT THINK CHEATING IS GOOD??#I think I'm more concerned about how many people were wholeheartedly believing it in the comments like- please at least ask her to site her#sources other than her own experience#I UNDERSTAND that you had a relationship with a korean guy once and he cheated on you and had a whole other girlfriend but MAYBE have you#considered that you just had a really shitty boyfriend and that it doesn't apply to everyone else
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When Steve’s parents announced their divorce, Steve told Eddie he loved him. They weren’t dating at the time, though Steve thought that the feeling was mutual to at least some extent since Eddie always flirted back with him, but he hadn’t been certain.
He had known his parents stopped loving each other years ago. Hell, he didn’t know if they had ever truly loved each other, but in any case, Steve knew.
His parents decided to sell the house, to move away from Hawkins with its cursed misfortune and small town gossip, and there was no talk of either of them taking Steve with them. Which, sure, he was grown, he hadn’t been part of the conversation at all.
Steve was left at a crossroads on what to do. So, distraught at his change in circumstances, he’d gone straight to Eddie’s and confessed his feelings because he had to know if it was at all possible for anyone to want him the way he wanted them.
Luckily enough for Steve, Eddie did!
The Munsons still had a decent amount left over from the government hush money after everything, so Eddie took his share (Wayne tried to get him to take more since all Wayne had lost was physical possessions and the trailer while Eddie almost lost his life, but Eddie would only agree to a 50/50 split) and together he and Steve threw caution to the wind and found a small place to rent together in one of the new complexes being built as part of the town’s rejuvenation project.
Things were going great. They still visited Wayne, who could now stop working such long hours at the plant and who had moved to a small fixer upper on the outskirts of town. He even moved up the ladder at the plant after some of the higher ups were lost in the “earthquakes” (R.I.P.), which offered better pay and benefits.
Wayne even started dating again, which Eddie informed Steve of in such a scandalized tone, but Steve could tell that Eddie was happy for his uncle, ribbing the older man when they had stopped by one morning and the man hadn’t even been home, stumbling back an hour later with lipstick stains on his shirt’s collar.
(Wayne had told him that he was going to call the cops on them for breaking and entering while he was gone, but there was no heat in it as they set chocolate chip pancakes, eggs, and a steaming cup of coffee before him, having made use of the kitchen while he was out.)
Wayne never introduced any of the women he dated to Eddie and Steve, saying that it wasn’t proper to introduce anyone to the kids yet until he was certain that things were serious, never mind that the “kids” were well into their 20s now.
(Steve also felt a warmth at being included as a “kid” of Wayne’s, however, filling a hole in his heart that his parents had left behind, though his mother had recently reached out to him to rekindle their relationship. His father remained radio silent.)
Eventually, however, there was someone Wayne kept seeing repeatedly, someone he’d met while outside of town when he was at some convention for work and her car had broken down outside of his motel room. She hadn’t left the motel room until the next morning, and Wayne was certain it was just a single night of passion, but…
They had really hit it off, it seemed, and though Wayne hadn’t thought such an amazing and sensual—(“Uncle Wayne! For the love of everything holy, unholy, and whatever’s in-between, please don’t say sensual!)—woman would be interested in him, they exchanged numbers. And then, the day after he’d told her he should be home again from the trip, she called him.
Things only progressed from there, and soon enough there were talks of something committed, of something truly serious, and after a while, Wayne broke the news.
“Boys, my partner is going to be moving back to Hawkins and, while we know it’s a giant leap, we decided to move in together.”
As it turns out, apparently the woman is actually from Hawkins too but had left after the earthquakes tore the town apart, so she is someone that they actually knew. Wayne still won’t tell them who it is, however. He seems a little embarrassed by that, actually, but he also tells them that he is the happiest he’s ever been and he was willing to fight to be with her, so what else can they do but accept that?
They are thus excited for him, excited to finally meet her (again?), and the plan is set that they would have a family dinner together once she was in town. Steve and Eddie are, of course, moderately worried given the whole being queer thing, but Wayne assures them that they will be safe. That Wayne had made damned certain that both his boys would be safe.
(Steve again feels that warmth of belonging to someone, of being loved and cared for and supported in a way he’d never known before.)
And then the day arrives. Steve and Eddie show up early, looking pretty damn spiffy they believe, and help Wayne get the dinner ready, though it’s more like a late lunch really. Eventually, they hear the sounds of tires outside of Wayne’s house.
Wayne, smiling and looking absolutely besotted, moves toward the front door to let his girlfriend in without missing a second. Steve and Eddie hear the door open and close from the kitchen, hear quietly murmured words and what disgustingly sounds like kissing, and then there’s footsteps and—
Steve turns around to greet this mysterious woman, a smile on his face, before dropping the bowl of salad in his hands as shock and something very much like horror make itself known to him.
“MOM???!”
~
Hostage Hotties: @derythcorvinus @katyawriteswhump @honeii-puff
#cracked treated seriously#rare pair#lmaooooo I’m so sorry I had this random idea and had to write it#the ideas I have while half asleep is2g#dustin: so…does this make you brothers or cousins? 🤨#mike: kind of gross you boinked your own step brother-cousin ngl#max: I know a good therapist if you need one#steve: I’m going to resurrect vecna just so that he can kill me#will: valid#but for real#steve’s mom wants to be a better person and is learning to let herself love and trust again and wants to be a proper mother to steve#and steve’s boyfriend#wayne made certain she wouldn’t cause problems before he even contemplated having any sort of relationship with her#he loves her but his boys’ safety and wellbeing always come first#lmao I’m going to bed now#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#wayne munson#plot thots
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✶ INTERACTIVE FICTION RECS 2.0 ✶
✶ College Tennis: Origin Story - @collegetennisoriginstory (wip)
✶ REMEMBER, YOU WILL DIE - @vapolis (wip)
✶ Crown of Exile - @ramonag-if (wip)
✶ We Wretched Creatures - @darkfictionjude (wip)
✶ The One Chosen - @parrotwatcher (wip)
✶ Checkmate in three moves - @checkmatein3moves (wip)
✶ Zorlok - @zorlok-if (wip)
✶ Chop Shop - @losergames (wip)
✶ Such Happy Campers - @girlfromthecrypt (wip)
✶ The Bureau - @morbethgames (wip)
✶ Citadel - @bouncyballcitadel (wip)
✶ A Tale of Crowns - @ataleofcrowns (wip)
✶ Bad Ritual - @heart-forge (wip)
✶ The Onryō Of Osaka - @osakaonryoif (wip)
✶ Insert-Rich-Family-Name - @when-life-gives-you-lemons-if
✶ A Mage Reborn: Book One - @mage-parivir (there's also a demo for book 2 but I think the author isn't working on it anymore??)
⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣ ✶
VN'S
✶ Reanimated Heart - @reanimatedheart (wip)
✶ Midheaven: Winds of Ambition (wip)
✶ Witches x Warlocks
✶ Chronicles of Tal'Dun (you can play the first chapter for free)
✶ Going Live! (this one gave me trauma :D)
✶ Therapy with Dr. Albert Krueger
✶ Wake Me Up If You Need Me
⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣ ✶
if recs 1.0 & if recs 3.0 & new projects recs
#there's even more now!!!#honestly I've played so many ifs that i have a problem remembering their names#it's a curse i tell you#feel free to share some recs of your own!#i'll have four to five months free after graduation and I plan on spending all of my free time gaming :D#dionrecommendsifs#if#interactive fiction#visual novel#indie game#interactive novel#choice of games#itch.io#gaming#rpgs
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Any advice for getting into a creative groove? I really like what I've seen of your work, I have a degree in art but I haven't made anything in a long time and I really want to get back into it
Honestly, a good chunk of it for me is watching other people do creative stuff, often stuff I don't do. I have to be careful when I watch Project Runway reruns because it makes me start frothing and I start doing interior design projects. Sometimes finding an artist who's really engaged and excited to be working on whatever it is that they do is enough to trigger a similar creative fuel, even on something totally unrelated.
Sometimes when I'm in a creative slump, what I need to do is just clean, organize, and pretty up my workspace. I have some dedicated space in my home now, but even before then, when my workspace was portable or just a corner of my apartment, getting all my tools and desk space ready, with no project in mind, helped me feel more excited about creating. If your workspace is uninviting, your mind is not going to feel invited to work. You don't have to spend money on this, just take what you have and get it set up nicely.
Also just...make something stupid and low-effort and silly. If it's been a while then don't start with something big and serious. Get some pipe cleaners and googly eyes and go to town with em. Make a little cardboard marionette. Get one of those five dollar craft kits and turn it into something it's not supposed to be. Just make something. It doesn't need to be good. It doesn't need to be important; it doesn't need to be interesting. You just need to make something, and the process of doing the work is likely to spark some other idea in your head.
Work with a buddy! Schedule yourself an evening with a friend to do a Bob Ross painting together, or to watch a movie while you both sculpt something out of air-dry clay or do whatever art you're both into--again, doesn't have to be good--and the social pressure is likely to help you along.
But overall--don't wait for creativity to strike; don't wait for a perfect idea. Just make something; then do that again. The rest will follow.
#the problem with waiting for the creative groove is that its like waiting for rain.#it might come eventually but in the meanwhile your art is a skill that needs to be watered. Don't wait for passion or perfection#just start making something. any something. doesnt even have to be your primary art media#the mechanical process of creation is good all on its own#and will likely get your brain up and running and thinking about how you can make something cooler or better or more interesting#and that's the launchpad.
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Lily is literally the preaching vegan stereotype of sober people.
Lily Orchard showing her ass as a hypocrite and someone with toxic neoliberal values? Wowie I sure didn't see that coming.
Also, guess who has AuDHD (A combination of ADHD and Autism spectrum disorder) and also is no longer on Adderall? Meeeeee. I also had to quit cold turkey!
and. you don't get withdrawal symptoms unless you're abusing the medication. Either Lily was misdiagnosed with ADHD or she takes too much. If you have ADHD and you're taking the appropriate amount, the only thing that happens is you start experiencing ADHD symptoms again... which, you don't really notice as a physical symptom, as the symptoms are entirely behavioural.
#Lily Orchard#if you get an energy boost from adderall you're not on the right dose or you dont have adhd#in my experience its kinda the opposite you stop getting random spurts of impulsive energy#i suppose your mileage may vary but in my experience when someone who uses pills gets all high and mighty about things like weed#its because theyre ABUSING the pills#and are overcompensating for their own guilt#Lily has admitted to having a caffeine addiction so it wouldnt be surprising that she has a problem with needing more energy#and takes pills to get it
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some people need to practice saying "it's not my style but I'm glad you're enjoying it"
and even more people need to practice hearing it
you have got to accept that others can have different tastes than you without it meaning there's something inherently wrong about one of your opinions
#context since this is getting notes:#i told someone i realized i don't really consume fiction on my own anymore#(and in fact stated it as a 'this might be a problem I'll have to think on it' thing!)#and they took it as me looking down on them for only doing fiction content#'i don't like pancakes' is very different from 'I hate pancake eaters'#and 'i used to eat a lot of pancakes but can't remember the last time i made some for myself'#is definitely different!#but i realized i probably used to pull exactly the same shit when i was younger#so this post was about having self-awareness about your own reactions when people have different tastes than you
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⭕️Hey Bones! Is it ok if you explain and/or elaborate how Crowfeather is abusive to Breezepelt if please?⭕️
I do KNOW that crowfeather is indeed, abusive to Breezepelt, due to the fact that he emotionally and/or physically neglected him - with child neglect being known to BE a form of child abuse - and I also heard that he slashed and/or hit him within one of the books, which I believe is in the book Outcast, in chapter 16.
But I also wish people would talk and be informed about it more within the fandom, because in the parts of the fandom I’ve known portrayed Crowfeather’s neglect on Breezepelt as negative and bad, but not in a way that made me think and/or feel: “Wow, that’s pretty bad. That’s…actually abusive.” I suppose? So I hope more people will talk about it more in that type of way.
Also, please be aware that I have NOT read PoT, OoTS, etc. or barely any warrior cats books, since the majority of the information I got from the series is from the wiki and the fandom, so that probably explains why I didn’t know this part of Crowfeather’s character is as bad as it actually is until now. Also, feel free to talk about Crowfeather’s abuse on Breezepelt I haven’t mentioned and/or don’t know right now as well if you want.
I’m SO sorry that if this ask is unintentionally quite long, and feel free to make sure to take all the time you need to answer it. Thank you!
OH LET'S GOOOO
Breezepelt is both physically and emotionally abused by Crowfeather. I'm not talking about only child neglect; he is screamed at, belittled, and even once hit on-screen.
The fact that Crowfeather both neglected and abused him is very important to the canonical story of Breezepaw. There's actually a lot more to this character than people remember! Even from his first appearances he displays good qualities, a strained relationship with his father and adult clanmates, and is clearly shown to be troubled before we understand why.
As many problems as I have with the direction of Breezepelt's arc (especially Crowfeather's Trial), his setup is legitimately a praiseworthy bit of writing from Po3 which carries over into OotS. To say that Breezepelt was not abused is to completely miss two arcs worth of books SCREAMING it.
BIG POST. Glossary;
INTRO TO BREEZEPELT: The Sight and Dark River
ABUSE: Outcast, Social Alienation, the Tribe Journey.
DARK FOREST: How these factors push him towards radicalization.
For "brevity," I'm not getting into anything post-OotS. I'm just showing that Breezepelt was abused, the narrative wants you to know that he was abused, and that his status as a victim of child abuse is CENTRAL to understanding why he is training in the Dark Forest.
INTRO TO BREEZEPELT: The Sight and Dark River
Our very first introduction to Breeze is when Jaypaw walks off a cliff in the first book of Po3 and is rescued by a WindClan patrol. He's making snarky remarks, and Whitetail and Crowfeather are not happy about it. Whitetail snaps for Crow to teach his son some manners, and Crow growls for Breezepaw to be quiet.
But our proper introduction to him is at his announcement gathering, when Heatherpaw playfully introduces him as a friend,
From the offset something's not entirely right here between Breezepaw and his father. He's cut off by Heatherpaw here, but he's touchy whenever his father is involved, and we're not entirely sure why.
Throughout Book 1, he's just rude, with a notable xenophobic streak. He's a bit of a mean rival character for Lionpaw, as they're both interested in the affections of Heatherpaw and make bids to get her attention, but nothing particularly violent yet.
He participates in the beloved Kitty Olympics and gets buried in liquid dirt with Lionpaw, basically a rite of passage for any arc.
(And Nightcloud has a cute moment where she watches over them until they fall asleep)
As the books progress, the relationship between Crow and Breeze visibly deteriorates. They start from being simply tense with each other in The Sight, to the open shouting and hitting we see in Outcast.
In the very first chapter of Dark River, we learn where his behavioral issues are really coming from;
Crowfeather.
Breezepelt is getting xenophobia from his father. Occasionally he says something bigoted and his dad will agree and chime in, and those are the only positive moments they have together.
(Note: In contrast, Nightcloud explicitly pushes back against xenophobia, chiding Breezepelt for his rudeness to Lionpaw in back in The Sight, Chapter 21. The Sight is the book where a lot of "evidence" that the Evil Overbearing Woman is actually responsible for the rift between father and son but. No. She's not. Though she can be overprotective; Crow and Breeze have a bad relationship when she's not even around in Breeze's first appearance and even his Crowfeather's Trial Epiphany refutes it. Anyway this post isn't about Nightcloud.)
So he starts acting on his bigotry, accusing cats in other Clans of stealing, running really close to the border. What's interesting though, is that this is not entirely his doing. The first time we get physical trouble from Breezepaw, DUSTPELT aggressed it. Breezepaw and Harepaw were just chasing a squirrel and hadn't yet gone over the border at all.
We learn that WindClan is teaching its apprentices how to hunt in woodland, and tensions between the two Clans is starting to escalate as ThunderClan isn't entirely trusting of their intentions.
The second time, fighting breaks out over him and Harepaw actually crossing the border and catching a squirrel. WindClan is adamant that because it came from their land, it's their squirrel. So it's as if Breezepaw is modelling the aggression around him, learning how to behave from the older warriors and his father.
When he joins Heatherpaw and The Three to go find Gorsetail's kits in the tunnels, he's grouchy towards the ThunderClan cats, but very gentle with the kittens. Notably so. When Thistlekit is dangerously cold, he cuddles up next to her, and even assures Swallowkit when she's scared,
Through this entire excursion, he's the one in the comforting roles for the kittens. Breezepaw is the one who is taking time to tell the kits they'll be okay, that he'll protect them, and physically supporting them when they're weak, even when he's terrified.
And it's always contrasted to Heatherpaw who's way more 'disciplined,' as a side note. It's a detail I'm just fond of.
All this to point out,
Breezepelt displays his best qualities when he's away from the older warriors of WindClan, and he's at his worst whenever he's near Crowfeather. Even while he's essentially just a bully character for The Three to deal with. He's gruff but cooperative when it's just him and Heatherpaw interacting with The Three, but mean when there is an adult to please.
We're getting to the on-screen abuse now, but Po3 actually sets up Breezepaw's troubles and dynamics well before it's finally confirmed that he is a victim of child abuse.
ABUSE: Outcast, the Tribe Journey.
In Outcast, Breezepaw's problems have escalated into open aggression towards cats of other Clans, and is now a legitimate concern for his own safety. Yet, he's spoken over by older warriors, and reprimanded at nearly every opportunity, right in front of the warrior of another Clan.
Squilf just asked the poor kid how his training was going, and then Whitetail JUMPS to talk over him so she can complain, RIGHT in front of his face.
They can't even wait until they're alone to grumble something rude about Breezepaw, who is still just a teenager here;
They taught him already that a bit of prey that runs off their own territory still belongs to WindClan, encourage him to blow past borders in pursuit, and started a battle with ThunderClan over this. And then they're pissed off at him for being aggressive, thinking it's deserved to scold him in public.
When Onestar announces that he wants Breezepaw to go on the Tribe Journey, he's devastated by it...
Because he thinks WindClan doesn't like him, and he's right. He's gossiped about, torn into in front of a ThunderClan warrior, and even his own dad doesn't want to be around him. It's clear that Breezepaw's impulsive "codebreaking" behaviors are a desire to prove himself, and once you realize that, the way that he's being alienated is heartbreaking.
But Wait!! Hold on a minute! Where did he get a "patrol of apprentices" from to confront the dogs with, exactly?
Simple. Breezepaw CAN make friends! He actually values them a lot! So much that it's the first thing Crowfeather snaps at him over, out of frustration that his son is also being forced on this journey with him. It's an angry response to his child having emotional and physical needs, resentment that will continue all journey long.
Note that it's plural, friends. Breezepelt has multiple friends, at least one who is not Heatherpaw, and she promises to say goodbye to them.
Up next, they state over and over, Crowfeather and Breezepaw do not like each other. Crowfeather resents being around him and dealing with his rudeness, embarrassed and angry, and Breezepaw is absolutely miserable being sent on a journey to the mountains with a man who hates his guts.
The whole while, Crowfeather is brooding longingly about Feathertail, already thinking about her as soon as he kitty-kisses Nightcloud goodbye, his eyes looking somewhere distant. He makes a jab about loyalty when Breezepaw doesn't understand why they're helping the Tribe.
Breezepaw gets smacked after he's "shoved" at Purdy and acts rude to him, while the other three manage to be polite (while still having internal dialogue about how stinky he is).
Without so much as a, "cut that out," Crowfeather raises his paw and hits him. Breeze is quiet after that.
I don't give a shit how rude your teenager is being. Do not hit kids. Being throttled on the head is not okay.
In spite of the Three not liking Breezepaw, or even Crowfeather, they're constantly noting that their arguments are not normal, and that Crow is a cold, unsupportive father who digs into his kid constantly, and the only time he ever DOES "discipline" his child it's through immediately smacking him.
At one point, the apprentices get hungry, and decide to foolishly hunt in a barn that they know has dogs in it against Purdy's warnings. Once again, JUST like the first two books, Breezepaw is more friendly when Crowfeather is not around.
EVERY time he is alone with cats his own age, he's grumpy but cooperative. Even enthusiastic at times! The minute Crowfeather is in the picture, he's nasty.
Naturally, the dogs show up, but Purdy rescues them. Though Brambleclaw also chews his kids out (and i have strong opinions about bramble's parenting style for another time), Hollypaw is taken aback by the contrast of what a scolding from Brambleclaw looks like vs how Crowfeather reacts.
The narrative is desperately trying to tell you that the way Crowfeather treats his son is not normal.
And then Crowfeather is pissed off that Breezepaw is exhausted from running for his life from hungry dogs,
And he's constantly losing his shit whenever Breezepaw says something as innocuous as "dad im hungry"
Then, Breezepaw is made to watch his dad pine over the grave of a woman who died long before Crowfeather was even considering his mother for a mate. What he feels is jealousy, because he knows his own father doesn't love him anywhere near as much as he loves the memory of Feathertail.
This really goes on and on and on. The ENTIRE trip is like this, with Crowfeather treating Breezepelt poorly, giving him a smack before even verbally warning him, pushing him past his limits and blowing up on him when he asks simple questions about eating or resting.
It all comes to a head in this one exchange, towards the end. Hollypaw ends up snapping at Breezepaw for his rudeness, before having an epiphany.
It's explicit. Crowfeather's emotional abuse, his "scorn" for Breezepelt, is what is driving a wedge between him and all of his older Clanmates. Between EVERYONE in Breezepelt's life who wasn't already his friend. This awful treatment is only making him worse and worse.
Realizing this, she has more sympathy for him, but it's too late. He continues to be rude to her because he feels insulted, and her patience completely runs out. She's just a kid. They're both just kids. She's not responsible for fixing him when he's pushing everyone away at this point.
That's the end of Breezepelt in Outcast. It can't be helped anymore. Any spark of friendship they had together in the barn, or in the tunnels, is gone.
As the series progresses, Crowfeather continues to refuse any personal responsibility for the mistreatment of his son, even pinning all of Breezepelt's behavioral problems on Nightcloud. He is a cold, selfish father who only ever thinks about his own pain and reputation.
DARK FOREST: How these factors push him towards radicalization.
Everyone talks about the Attack on Poppyfrost, which happens in the first book of OotS, in oversimplified terms. YES he is going after a nun and a pregnant woman. I've never said that's not Bad.
But no one talks about "WHY", and that reason is NOT just that he desires power like so many other WC villains. Breezepelt makes his motivation very clear on the page.
Escalating to violence was about making Jayfeather feel the way that he does.
When Breezepelt says that he wants Jay to be surrounded by "lies, hatred, and things that should never have happened," he's talking about the way HE grew up, knowing his father never wanted him, and that his Clan HATES him as a result. Killing Poppyfrost is about trying to frame Jayfeather for her murder, so ThunderClan won't trust him anymore.
When Jayfeather points out the simple truth that what Breezepelt is saying doesn't make any goddamn sense, his hatred "falters." He's blaming his half-clan half-brother for his own treatment because of the reveal, but totally failed to consider that JAYFEATHER'S ALREADY GOING THROUGH IT... so his response is just this pitiful, "s-shut up, man."
Then the ghost of Brokenstar and Breezepelt bounce him back and forth between them like a beach ball for a bit until Honeyfern's spirit shows up.
Breezepelt's childhood abuse and social alienation was a hook that the Dark Forest latched onto, to reel him in. His anger at his half-brother is so obviously misplaced that its absurdity was something Jayfeather pointed out.
We soon learn that it's the Dark Forest who's planting that ridiculous idea in his head;
The narration is SCREAMING, "The Dark Forest is validating the anger he feels towards his father, and redirecting it towards The Three." He's described as 'kitlike,' Tigerstar's eyes are compared to a hypnotizing snake.
This prose could not make it more obvious if it drove to your house, beat you with it, and then spoon fed you the point while you were hospitalized.
At the end of this scene, Tigerstar sends Hawkfrost to recruit Ivypaw. This scene where Breezepelt is being lovebombed, and the command to start grooming Ivypaw, ARE LINKED. That was a choice.
A VERY GOOD choice! Again, as many issues as I have with OotS, its handling of indoctrination is unironically fantastic, and it owes a good amount of that to the outstanding setup of Breezepelt that was done back in Po3. And that setup doesn't work if Crowfeather was merely distant.
Breezepelt was abused by his father, both verbally and physically. It drove him to be more aggressive to prove himself, modeling the battle culture around him. The adults of WindClan judged him based off Crowfeather's responses, shunning and belittling the 'problem' teenager, which eventually drove Breezepelt to the only group that he felt "understood" him.
In a book series that is RIFE with abuse apologia, this is one of the few times that there's any behavioral consequences for abuse and the narrative holds the perpetrator accountable for it.
But people hear Crowfeather's deflective excuse in The Last Hope where he says he never hated him, blames Nightcloud for everything, and just lick it up uncritically.
Gee whiz, I wonder why the guy who never blames himself for any of his problems would suddenly say it was his ex-wife's fault. Real headscratcher!
(Crowfeather's Trial then goes onto, for all my own problems with it, also hold Crow accountable as the reason why Breezepelt turned out like he did. But that's a topic for another day.)
#This is headcanon territory here. But one day I realized I can read Breezy-P with BPD and he became a blorbo.#Never been able to unsee it and it massively endears him to me... Breeze Pelt Disorder...#I actually REALLY hate how his arc was resolved and strongly feel that he should have progressed into a bigger problem#But I equally strongly feel that being redeemed is the ideal ending for him#so if it was between him being pure evil/redemption death or the awful halting we got at the end of oots....#I'd pick the halting over him being pure evil or a redemption death.#I think BB made me REALLY fall in love with him. He's my sweet cheese. My good time boy.#Bones when he sees an angry black cat: ''i can fix you. first i must break you. but then i can fix you''#Like. what i dislike about where he went is that even if your anger issues came from abuse. you STILL are responsible for your actions#but in the end getting that Shitty Dad Approval fixes him. Not his own growth or self-reflection.#it feels like BREEZE gets his agency stripped away for HIS ABUSIVE DAD'S character arc#It retcons in a reason why Breezepelt is not still a problem and then he faded into the background.#while Crowfeather continues to get supporting roles and every now and then Breeze now looks at him fondly#BLECH.#Crowfeather#Breezepelt#Abuse#Child Abuse#Warrior Cats Analysis#And now you know anon!!
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people bending over backwards to scream Marika never loved Messmer when he alone has more blessings personally bestowed by her than any other demigods combined are so funny to me. also the fact that it's implied he used to live in Leyndell too 😂😂
also she killed an entire god herself and made sure said God is called all manner of names and depict as ugly forever. for him 😂😂
#my problem with the :(( poor Messmer take is that you have to take a lot of INT points off him if you think his devotion is blindly one-side#taking on the crusade taking on all of ppl's scorn and hatred stuck in a faraway land#morgott is at least just minding his own business down below#imagine defending your fav like “he committed massacre because his mother doesnt love him” be serious with me rn#you want a woobified loveless guy i want a guy that did everything for love because he is loved in return#and don't pretend he's forced to impale and be so cruel to the Hornsent#he did all that eye wide open on his own volition because this is a revenge story. because he knew damn well at one point his mother could#have been cut up and put in a jar#why is the ONLY smiling Marika statue in this entire game a statue of her embracing him#why Marika a sole survivor of an entire clan of ppl would not love the own flesh & blood that she got after she just lost her entire family#(to a massacre btw)#make it make sense#“only the kindness of Gold#without Order” i am sorry we do not deserve the banger implication you give us#er brainrot
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Izutsumi character study
#dungeon meshi#izutsumi#One of my goals for this year was to spend more time doing art studies.#What better way to start than with my favourite danmeshi character (not seen: a whole page of figuring out her features)#I feel like she is by far one of the most poorly understood characters in the series. Partially due to her 'late party member' status.#'She's abrasive and mean' - 'she's a picky eater' - 'she's a catgirl who acts like an asshole cat ' YES and that is the point!#Everyone in dungeon meshi is traumatized and messy about it but izutsumi is just less polite in how she tries to cope.#Izutsumi is a extremely traumatized teenager who has utterly lacked autonomy her entire life.#She is the epitome of a “If I can just have X thing then all my problems will be solved!” character. And the X is 'Freedom'.#Her epilogue was one of the best and wrapped up her character so wonderfully (WARNING: I WILL NOW SPOIL PART OF THE ENDING)#Because she finally gets her freedom! She can go where she wants to and she doesn't need anybody! Yet...it doesn't fix her.#She is so focused on doing only what she wants that she forgets her own needs. Sometimes you have to eat the things you don't want.#And sometimes you have to face the hard truths that you need more than just one thing to make you happy.#Life is not all about only seeking pleasures and avoiding pain. You need to be balanced in order to grow.#Eat your vegetables (including the metaphorical ones: I am eating more art veggies this year by doing art studies!!!)
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