#and have her get deadnamed for kinda no reason

[lab-gr0wn-lambs]

Ok I've had some time to chill, lemme say a bunch of things I DID like about The Star Beast:

The right vibes are back. THIS feels like Doctor Who and I have a lot of faith in what's to come once they have time to pace things out

The characters are great. A+

Made me laugh

Silly practical effects!

Obviously Marvelous MARVELOUS to have Donna back with us, even if it's just for a little while

New intro is bangin

New Tardis is Nice. I honestly didn't like the crystal one.

The trans rep comes from a sincere place, I can tell. I think a lot of the gender talk was awkward and confused and kinda. stupid. in places. but. I appreciate it anyway

Really nice that they didn't kill off Wilf despite Bernard Cribbin's passing

[sammygender]

things no one tells you abt growing up number one: you start to get inexplicably mad at your dad all the time

[ratspider]

woke up from a dream about a family not accepting a trans kid for who they are to a text where my dad deadnames me :I

[gender-euphowrya]

it bears repeating that cishet people don't get that you rarely come out One Time And It's Done

i came out to my local baker today

[ellilyre]

Ive lose the ask asking for my transmasc!Leo headcanon TT but i have them written down so imma post em like that

Leo transmasc headcanon

(many things are based on my own experience. Especially the dysphoria related things (so when i talk about Leo not being a real boy it is what he thinks bc of dysphoria. It’s not true.))

(warning angst angst (but thats Leo so that was expected)

it was so obvious even when he was small. He always wanted to play with boys, wear boys clothes, ect… His mom was fine with it. She bought him boys toys and clothes and even sometimes called him hijo. She was a bit confused, but she knew it made her child happy and it's all that mattered. 

However, it didn’t go that well with his foster homes. However much he tried, they always stuck to his deadname and she/her. That was a big part of the reason he kept running away. 

There really is no story behind the name Leo. He picked that one bc it sounded cool. 

Once he got a good enough passing, he did everything he could so ppl will assume he’s cis.

Don’t ask me how he gots his hands on hrt. It’s a long and weird story.

The wilderness school was very strict about not mixing girls and boys in dorms. 

Piper was his roommate, that’s how they met. 

In their memories created by Hera, Jason has kinda always known he’s trans. So Leo never bothered to hide it from Jason (as he does with others).

But Jason doesn’t have much (any) education on transidentity… At first he assumed Leo was a cis guy, and then some things were a bit confusing (why was he in fem dorms ? Why does he wear a tank top under his shirt ? Did he just ask Piper for a tampon???) but he just kinda gave up on trying to understand, bc Leo is a nice guy anyways. And with time (and exterior knowledge on the matter) he started to put the pieces together and to understand that “ooh ok that makes sense". 

Otherwise. Leo has no desire to get out of his comfortable closet. 

He has such a fragile masculinity 

Sometimes he acts a little bit macho. He’s aware he’s acting like an asshole but he’s terrified of being perceived as feminine. 

Why does he try to flirt with every girl he sees ? Another attempt to pass better (and comfort himself in his fragile masculinity) by copying stereotypical boys' things.

He overbind so much, GODS. Man will wear his binder for 11h straight (while fighting and running around) and then have the audacity to complain that his body hurts.

Piper tries very hard to remind him to take proper breaks. 

Jason is the biggest gender envy ever. He is handsome, tall, muscular… Leo really loves him but he also is so jealous and envious. 

He is very envious of other boys in general. 

When Percy got woken up in the middle of the night and left his cabin shirtless. When Frank went to take a break in the men’s restroom…

Gods, he would do anything to just be a normal boy. To be like them. To have their bodies. To not have to destroy his body to look slightly more masculine. To not have this constant fear that they’re gonna find out. 

And to add to the reasons why he felt so much like the 7th wheel : Among the 7 there are 3 girls, 3 boys… And Leo. Forever inbetween. Not a girl, but not a boy like the others either. 

Fortunately, with time he learnt to accept himself better and to feel more comfortable with others. 

Piper helped him to go easier on himself. And he had an actual proper talk with Jason.

The first person he actually came out to was probably Annabeth, bc she’s cool and wise and nice. 

And then he saw it actually was ok. She didn’t treat him any differently, she didn’t tell anyone else. She was cool with it.

He then told Frank and Hazel, with Piper’s help (mostly to explain to Hazel all those new terms). And it also went very great ! He then also told Percy and Nico. 

He’s not entirely out, just to his closest friends and his siblings at camp. And it’s enough. 

He still overbinds, but he has ppl to (discreetly) remind him to take care of himself. He’s still very dysphoric but his loved ones know how to remind him that he is their brother, an amazing boy.

[nyaagolor]

A genuinely shocking amnt of people said they wanted to see my “Apollo backstory but it’s exclusively based on AA4” so huzzah! Self-indulgence on main! It’s under the readmore because I don’t wanna clog anyone’s dash :)

Everything starts with Thalassa because of course it does. She’s part of the Granmarye Troupe but kinda Hates It. Her father gives her very little autonomy, and she feels like they’re treating her more as an asset or employee than family. She's good at putting on a brave face but she has very little autonomy there and is completely miserable, so she sneaks out to meet with the audience sometimes to get a taste of freedom. It’s on one of these little trips that she meets Jove, who she quickly falls in love with. They continue to meet in secret, and Thalassa’s resentment for the troupe only grows. The day she turns 18, she runs away to go elope with him, not leaving a note or any indication of where she’s gone

The two of them are happily married for a year and have a child, but Jove dies in an accident (unrelated to Kuhrain in this version) only a year into their marriage. Thalassa, now a 19 year old single mom with no money and no documents, realizes the only person who can help her now is the last person she wants to see. Desperate, she calls Magnifi, who agrees to help her IF she gives up the kid and comes back to the troupe. He thinks if she still has an attachment to the child she’ll try and run away again as soon as she can (and he’s right!). Thalassa gives Apollo to the orphanage with one of her bracelets and secretly tries to keep track of him— she does plan on coming back for him as soon as she can, Magnifi be damned

Magnifi, knowing that both Zak and Valant are in love with his daughter, actively encourages the both of them to pursue her, hoping one of them will get her to fall in love and give her a reason not to leave the troupe. Zak is the one who ends up succeeding. They have Trucy together and things immediately take a turn for the worse

Thalassa immediately gets very depressed after having Trucy and nothing seems to cheer her up. She can’t stop thinking about being forced to give up her first child and the life she lost and nothing Zak does seems to help. Eventually, Magnifi steps in and says that she needs to get over it and get back to performing. To everyone’s surprise, Thalassa agrees without protest

This is when the “accident” happens. Air quotes here because surprise! It was not an accident at all. Thalassa was tired, desperate, and wanting nothing more than to go scorched earth on the entirety of Troupe Granmarye, so she loaded the gun improperly on purpose in hopes that the aftermath and scandal will bring the troupe down with her. She somehow survives, but only Magnifi knows. Not wanting news of it to escape and seeing an opportunity to hold this over Zak and Valant’s heads, he ships his amnesiac daughter off to Borgnia and tries to wipe his hands of the whole thing

While clearing through Thalassa’s things, Magnifi finds all of the information on Apollo and Jove, which he shows to Zak. Zak, who didn’t know about Apollo, feels wildly hurt by it all. He ends up projecting a lot of his feelings onto Trucy— he still loves her but becomes more distant because he’s grieving Thalassa’s death and “betrayal”

This is how Zak knows about Apollo and why he tells Phoenix about it. Phoenix does try to find Apollo as soon as he learns about him, HOWEVER, Apollo is trans and all of Thalassa’s documents have his deadname on them so they can’t be used to track him down. (By the time Phoenix realizes Apollo is the kid he’s been looking for ((via the bracelet)) he’s already broken Apollo’s trust enough that he doesn’t feel like he can safely drop that truth bomb without scaring him away. By the time Apollo DOES come to trust Phoenix, Thalassa has her memories back, at which point Phoenix feels it’s her truth to tell). Anyway.

Trucy’s story is effectively identical to canon so I don’t have much to say about that

While in the orphanage, Apollo decides he wants to be a lawyer bc he hears about Phoenix (specifically the whole thing about sticking up for people with no one on their side). He goes thru the lawyer track in HS bc that’s a canon thing in AA apparently and tests into a special fast track law program so he can save as much money on tuition as possible

Apollo works his ass off, he has a ton of jobs and works indexing night shifts for the courthouse. Everyone starts to know who he is bc he works every law related job he can no matter how miserable. This is how Kristoph finds out about him

He works all thru law school but basically all of his money goes to tuition so he goes between shitty apartments and crashing at the courthouse / work when he runs out of rent money. This is the OTHER reason everyone knows who he is and how kristoph finds out about him— he’s always loitering around the courthouse. He makes a name for himself as a hard worker, being fast + thorough with paperwork, and having an excellent eye for detail

During internship hunting season, Kristoph approaches Apollo— he greatly values a dedicated hard worker like Apollo and thinks Apollo’s abysmal financials are good leverage for manipulation. I hc that Kristoph specializes in fraud cases, so Apollo’s talents are extremely relevant to Kristoph’s interests. Kristoph’s firm is only himself because of all the illegal shit he does (less eyes less chance of being caught) so he gambles on taking in Apollo. He ends up personally fixing up Apollo’s credit score, ensuring he has proper documents, and gets him set up with a decent paycheck so he can start to develop a savings account. Apollo decides he would die for him

This continues until Kristoph plays a bad hand— he intends on having Apollo defend Phoenix in the hopes that he’ll lose so he can hang the resulting verdict over Apollo’s head to manipulate him. Turnabout Trump happens and Apollo ends up back where he started, broke and with less trust in others than he had before (which is saying a lot). During his internship with Kristoph he managed to get together a tiny rainy day fund and even started to save up for top surgery, but all that money has to be used to cover rent while he’s jobless bc of the Turnabout Trump aftermath. It’s when the money finally runs out that he answers Trucy’s phone call and agrees to work for the WAA

Canon proceeds as normal, but Apollo has extra paranoia because he’s worried all the money and documents and credit that Kristoph gave him were faked. Also, Thalassa doesn't tell Trucy and Apollo about the whole Thing because part of that would be admitting the role she played in how their lives turned out and she is not quite ready to face her demons yet

[moongothic]

It is kind of funny to think about how popular the Kuja Crocodile fan theory is when you take a step back and think about where that theory kinda originates from Now to be fair, I'm not 100% certain where the theory came from, I can only remember so much of what the fandom was theorizing back in 2008, so I may be speaking from my ass a little right now

But from what I do remember, back in Yee Olden Days, there was a lot of speculation about why the Strawhats got sent to their respective island by Kuma the way they did. A lot of people did notice how each island seemed meaningful one way or another to each Strawhat and tied into their characters except for Luffy, and everybody thought that was a bit odd. Mainly because we didn't fully know HOW Kuma's ability worked. Now, nearly two decades later, we DO know how Kuma's ability actually works; People don't magically travel to islands they have a secret connection to or anything, Kuma himself has to actively choose where he sends people off to, meaning Kuma looked at the Strawhats individually and picked out islands where he thought they'd be best off at. Luffy being sent to Amazon Lily is arguably no different; Kuma knew Luffy was the brother of the soon-to-be-executed Ace, but also a target of the WG (due to being Dragon's son). Amazon Lily was close enough to both Sabaody that Luffy would be able to return there relatively easily if he wished to, or he could try to befriend the Warlord Hancock, who was also being summoned to participate in Ace's execution, to hitch a ride from her to go and try to save his brother. The only challenge Luffy would have to overcome there was indeed befriending the Kuja, at least enough to be taken off from the island safely and alive.

But indeed, we only really know and can fully understand that now. Back in Yee Olden Days, the fans did just seem to think Kuma's ability might be a bit more mystical in nature, and thus people got really curious what Luffy's Secret Ties to the Kuja and Amazon Lily could possibly be. And naturally that lead to people speculating that maybe Luffy's mom was a Kuja. Because what other subconcious connection could Luffy possibly have to the island especially when it didn't seem like it would help him reach/achieve his dreams any faster either.

But then we get to Impel Down and Crocodile gets those transgenderism allegations thrown right in his handsome face (and people start shitposting about him being Luffy's other parent) And I think that might be where the streams crossed. People noted how Crocodile has his funny little reptile motif going on, and how the Kuja ""also have a reptile motif"", transgenderism allegations, badabing badaboom Crocodile could be a former Kuja, secret past SOLVED.

But the connection there is really weak though, isn't it? Especially when you considder that the Kuja don't really have a REPTILE theme going on with them. Yes, the snake motif is important to the Kuja, our beloved Hancock being The Snake Princess and the sisters having the Gorgon/Medusa (fake) backstory, but the animal motif is limited to just snakes, not reptiles as a whole (otherwise we could also speculate that Moria is a former Kuja because he's also named after a reptile). And more importantly, the Kuja have a big FLOWER theme going on for them, namely in, well, their names; each Kuja is named after some kind of flower/plant. Sure, Crocodile could have a secret deadname but we don't know if he does, there is no evidence to suggest either way (but also, depending on when you think he would have transitioned then him just being able to have a secret deadname is kind of up in the air (see: Crocodad timeline))

So if Kuma's ability doesn't have a magical way to send people to places they have ties to (whether the person knows it or not), and if Crocodile doesn't have any obvious, thematic connection to the Kuja, then the only reason people believe he could've been a Kuja is because... he might be trans. And... yeah. That's kind of a weak basis for a theory, isn't it

[genderqueerdykes]

I’m kinda confused, because my brother will always say to me ‘I don’t believe in all this transgender bullshit. It’s mocking intersex people and even intersex people say it’ the worst bit is that he says it infront of my mum who’s already as transphobic as it is and I was so fucking close to her not deadnaming me and not using she/her when referring to me.

So I wanted to know your thoughts on what my brother said if that’s ok <33

hello there!

that's not an argument i hear too often, but i have heard some people say things like that. that's not a sentimenti ever see expressed from other intersex people, it's almost always perisex people speaking for intersex people. just because someone wants to look different doesn't mean it's insulting someone who looks that way without any outside interference. i don't feel insulted when people want to look physically androgynous, even, if they want to change their body to have big breasts and a penis, or whatever, it doesn't bother me!

if anything, it makes intersex people feel less alienated because now you are involved with a community of people who possibly look and sound a lot more like you. even if it's by choice and not by nature, it doesn't really matter- being intersex influenced me into transitioning, after all! i took my feelings into consideration about both my body and my gender, and i needed to keep my intersex traits of having a beard and body hair and a masculine appearance

it's not an insult, it helps normalize the broad spectrum of how humans can look, act and sound based upon their individual biology. the sheer number of trans people who wanted HRT and surgeries in the past and now are a huge part of the reason why i have access to my own HRT. it only helps me when other people look and sound like i do and expose people to the fact that humans can look like literally whatever, from birth or otherwise

if you ever encounter anyone that has an argument that posits that intersex and trans people are enemies in any capacity, it's bullshit. we are often the same person, not always, but we are friends either way. we are siblings, we are very closely related people, and we understand each other's struggles about body autonomy and being identified correctly

whether or not you choose to stand up to your brother is up to you, just know that what he's saying isn't true. he's finding whatever reasons he can to antagonize you and put you down in front of your mom so she will continue to misgender you. there's nothing within good reason with this attitude, it's an attempt to scare you out of identifying as trans. you don't have to let it work

even if you don't stand up to them, you can remind yourself that he's just being a bully and he's not right. if he isn't intersex, himself, he has no ground to make that argument, and if he is intersex, he doesn't get to make the call for all other intersex people. tell him to ask a few other intersex people how they feel and he'll see his opinion doesn't make any sense

take care of yousrelf! hope that helps, good luck with your family. i'm sorry they're not receptive. bullies want you to think they're right but they're just angry and insecure that you have something that brings you joy. hold it close to your chest as tightly as you can, they don't deserve to take that from you. stay safe, good luck, feel free to ask any more questions you may have!

[boypussydilf]

FaC Miniseries really be out here saying, "Simon, you might be a suicidal man who would give his own life and brain for a pair of strangers that resemble a part of the traumatic past that ruined your life, but consider: you were selfish in your past relationship because you didn't consider your girlfriend enough and now that she sacrificed herself to become God for you you aren't allowed to die because that would make her sacrifice be in vain. You have to continue living in a world that you no longer relate to with people who will continue to deadname you and bring up your traumatic past for funzies and you aren't even allowed to reconciliate with your daughter or other closest friends because they have a happy life without you bumming them out with your depression and we wouldn't want you to burden them with your feelings of uselessness and crippling lack of self worth now would we? Now go hang out with a literal child you 59+ year old man, you have therapy in an hour."

hey i wanna point out that cripple is like. a slur a lot of ppl still use it in this kind of context w/o thinking but u can just say like, debilitating instead theres not any reason to use it

ik its just like habit tho bc its still kinda common so to respond to the ask ,

KSBDJWBDJWBJDBWJDNWJDBWJDBWJDBWJDBWJDBWJSHHSB

They just could NOT be assed to resolve or address any of his emotional issues huh!!!!!!!! Yeah Simon, we know you think you suck, and you are suicidally depressed, and you are traumatized from both living through the apocalypse and spending a thousand years trapped under a curse, and the world changed without you so you now feel fundamentally out of place, can’t relate to people around you, and none of your skills are applicable anymore, and you are being crushed under the guilt of the love of your life making an unfathomably giant sacrifice to save you, and you wanted to see her again and apologize for not being able to bring her back so so badly that you were willing to kidnap a guy and keep him in a cage in your house for it, and you feel absolutely no sense of purpose in your life and have nothing to do anymore, but like, we have a really really great idea for how we’re gonna deal with that: we WON’T! We just Won’t Address It. You get to mention how you were willing to basically die because you felt like your life was worthless ONE time, and it will be after you regain the will to LIVE because you… got… told that you fucked everything up with your fiancé because you were apparently super selfish on accident? Now you’re just gonna go back home and be happy now. No yeah nothing changed in either your life or your mental state but we have to pretend it did because the story is over now. Your happy ending montage will casually feature you happily drinking at the bar. Don’t think about episode 4. Oh huh what’s that? What about your daughter figure who you felt you weren’t important to and would just be burdening and worrying with your difficult emotions, which seemed to be leading to you choosing to have a genuine and honest talk with her in the end? No she doesn’t even get mentioned, let alone show up on screen. Also Betty may or may not be dead. Yeah now that she cured your depression by telling you you fucked up she’s moving on with her life or something by which we may or may not mean reincarnating. Yeah we might have fridged her. Happy ending for everyone!

the therapy scene hits a special nerve like good for him but oh my god. i cant actually think of any other examples, but i feel like ive seen too many things decide that the way to portray healing as a difficult nonlinear thing is to. directly state “This is going to be complicated and hard!” and then not actually show it being complicated or hard now that they’ve acknowledged it. like dude all we actually see in that ending is just him being happy. you really made it seem like he is just Fine now. guys. guys what happened to his everything

[godfrey-the-chaos-duck]

this just in: Irish loser is Sad™ because all my friends can go and do shit but not me apparently

Vent under the cut, I'm really sorry about this but I have to get it off my chest (it's nothing too serious but it is kinda long)

I'm eighteen. I've voted twice. I've finished secondary school. People my age are planning holidays and going to college and moving out and actually living life, and I feel like I'm falling behind so so much.

I don't have a bank account. I don't have a passport or any form of photo ID with a date of birth. I don't even have (or want!) a driver's licence, I will circle back to that later though.

My parents (particularly my mom) keep saying they'll help me get set up with all the above but because Mom's busy with work and Dad's really forgetful, it never gets done.

It's gotten to a point where I don't actually see a point in getting these things set up, for the following reasons:

I haven't had my name legally changed yet so everything would be set up under my deadname. Which. Fuck that.

For a bank account to make sense I would need money and I live in literally the textbook definition of "rural ass farming town" so the only jobs around that don't need experience are working in the supermarket or food service. I would, and I'm not exaggerating here, rather launch myself into a black hole than do those jobs because I've heard from my neurotypical peers how hard they are so I can only imagine how awful it would be for someone with autism like myself. My only other option is to try and get unemployment benefits but like. What would I even be spending the money on? Certainly not a house (the housing market in Ireland is literally impossible) and not a holiday either.

For a passport to make sense I would need to be able to travel, and quite aside from the No Money thing (see above) I've been fucked over by fate yet again because Mom doesn't trust me to go places on my own. She's only quite recently started letting me take the bus to a town half an hour away with friends. I don't even see the use in asking her to go on a train/plane/ferry unaccompanied because I know for a fact she'd say no. She'd say something along the lines of "we should do this together a few times first" which, understandable, but then she's so tired from work and busy with housework on the weekends that that never ends up coming to fruition. Add to that my crippling anxiety, catastrophic thinking and fear of the unknown, and I have basically conditioned myself into thinking I can never go anywhere more than a half hour's drive away without a parent.

I do not want to learn to drive. My dad keeps telling me I should because it would give me freedom, except no it wouldn't. It's not like I could use his car because he needs to go places too, and I could probably never afford my own car cause that shit is expensive as hell to run and maintain, so I really see no sense in learning. Also, I have the navigational skills of a teaspoon, so I would be basically guaranteed to get lost.

All of this has come to a point where I'm super hesitant to ask for anything because I know that either my parents will outright say no, or I'll end up chickening out because they'll remind me there's probably something I haven't thought of. (Mind, they don't often fully explain what)

And this was fine a few years ago when I had no friends and couldn't see how people actually lived their lives, but as my friends are all telling me about things they plan to do, I guess I'm having a lot of realisations.

The first time a classmate of mine said she was going on a holiday independently with some friends of hers, my first immediate thought was, "Do her parents just not care?" This would've been a little over two years ago, when I and all my class were around 16.

Now, though, I'm realising that teens going places on their own is actually NORMAL and that, big surprise, I'm once again the weird one. I told Mom about this and her response was "there's no right speed to do life at" which is right, you shouldn't do things if you don't feel ready to do them, but I don't know, something about this whole situation feels kinda wrong to me.

Here's the thing that's made me emotional today though.

The big Pride festival in Ireland is on June 29th. I wanted to go last year with my friends but Mom said no because it would be "too crowded" and "what if something goes wrong and I can't be there for you" and all that. And the worst part? She's right. It would have been very overwhelming.

Anyway this year, my friends aren't going, so even if by some miracle Mom's answer was going to change, I would feel awkward not being able to go with anyone I knew. So I'm not even gonna ask.

The way I see it, I can't move on with my life in any way as it stands. I can't release music, or publish books, or sign up to act in anything, until I get my name changed, because I do not want to be renowned under my deadname.

But I also feel like I can't change my name until I move out. My parents say they need to know where I am all the time, to the point where I once had an outing with a group of friends interrupted by a call from my father because I had left with the group from the coffee shop he'd dropped me off at, to a different shop somewhere else, two minutes' walk away.

I don't know. I feel like I have no freedom or independence and I'm genuinely unsure whether this is normal for people my age, or if it's an autism thing, or if my parents (again, particularly my mother) are being weird.

Basically what I'm wondering is

Is it healthy to be in this situation? And if not, how can I get out of it?

Again, I'm really really sorry about this, I know I don't usually get all personal on here but just. I feel weird about this and need some advice or at the very least a virtual shoulder to cry on

[spoon-kitchenware]

you know if you think about it we're all just deadnaming the champion of the matron of ravens

he doesn't have a name anymore, he's just known as "the champion", we're all just deadnaming him. It's in the lore. He has verbalised several times that he doesn't like being called by his former name, and has shown offense when people have.

don't get me wrong, his name used to be purvan and that's funny as shit and nobody is going to stop me from calling him that, and I don't blame him for getting rid of that name, since it's like a solid 2/10 name, right behind mike hunt, I just think it's funny that his name is so fucking embarrassing that not only all of the internet, but also all of exandria went "deadnaming is bad, and you shouldn't do it, BUT actually no we're going to call you purvan and then laugh at you for it, because that name is really funny and you should feel bad about it". And the thing is, he's one of the most serious and stoic and patient characters in critical role, so it's not like he'd be mad or annoyed, he'd just be kinda sad. I imagine that someone calls him purvan and he's just a sad puppy for the rest of that interaction.

Like, imagine being chosen by a deity, the goddess of death herself, to be her personal champion and essentially her acting hand in exandria, and then you complete a ritual in which you discard your old name and become nameless, much like how the matron of ravens removed all memory of her former name from exandria, and become know simply only as the title "champion", as a reflection to your true and utter devotion. Now imagine that the only reason why you did any of that is because people bullied you in school for your name and you really really wanted to get rid of it and this seemed like the best way to do that, but literally nobody cares and still calls you purvan, because your name is canonically just so embarrassingly bad that there is no way WITH divine intervention that you won't be bullied because of your name. Like what a fucking L

I think about this a lot. lolll, purvan.

[foxboyscott]

bro. Rodney hcs. bc I can.

•Trans girl (Idk her name yet, so sorry 4 the deadname girlie)

•cannot tell feelings apart for the life of her. she just assumes it's love whenever she feels anything for a woman, whether it be admiration, gender envy, wanting to be friends uhhh... girl + emotion = romance, yeah?

•she also has social anxiety, i know what it's like to mistake the blushing and stuttering and tight feeling in your chest for love, because a lot of the stereotypical 'signs of love' in media are similar. so she feels herself blushing and getting nervous and goes "that means i like them, right?"

•also she just. seeks affection

•and doesn't have many friends bc of her anxiety and when she does she does she has trouble relating to guys, and i mean, didn't realize friendships with girls was a thing lol

•this ties in to the age old Rodney and Scott sibling hc (Rodney is the younger sib). i mean. i kinda accept that as canon at this rate tbh

•Remember when Dawn said Scott "wasn't held enough as a child"? with the sibling hc, Rodney and Scott probably had similar upbringings, so Rodney is ofc kinda just chasing affection she never really got.

•she probably didn't know much about trans people b4

•I feel like she heard the concept and avoided it because lowkey jealousy "dang. these transgirls transition from guys into beautiful girls? lucky." like. she didn't realize being trans was something you had to discover, that there was a telltale sign, or those people always knew

•pushed back those thoughts because "everyone feels like that, right? I just love girls!"

•if she were smaller she would probably express herself more femininely b4 the egg cracked, but feels like she can't pull it off because she's bulkier, and feels extra pressure to conform to masculine ideals.

•hell, if she were smaller she would've probably transitioned sooner, but another reason she rejects being trans as a possibility at first is because she looks too masculine, so surely she can't be trans, and cant be a girl, even if she wanted to (that's the devil talking)

•basically one hell of a dysphoria

•I feel like her Sky, Ella, and Sammy get along well after she stops being so girl-crazy (still lesbiab tho)

•pls she needs to be one of the girls, pls accepting friend group PLS

•sorry for my ship propaganda, but Rodney and Ella duets go crazy. Ella needs someone to duet with pls (Imma make a big Rodnella post sometime probs)

•Sammy, Ella and Rodney have karaoke nights (Sky doesn't participate often, but occasionally agrees)

•they're all pretty calm girlies, so, I feel like they would just enjoy casual hangouts. peace and love on planet earth tbh

[hello-there-world]

so. thought about the MCI's families in the Rewrite. so have my fun headcanons!

Naomi's Family:

hardworking upper-middle class family.

her parents work a lot, so they seem rather distant. they do love their daughters, though.

Susie and Samantha are her younger sisters. Samantha was born a couple of years after Naomi died, though.

they kept promising to get Naomi a dog, but kept putting it off due to not having much time. they were, however, planning to get Naomi a dog before school started back up.

her parents didn't talk about her too often after she died, mostly because it was a sore subject for them.

they did get Susie and Samantha a dog, though! a golden retriever :]

if the girls ever went somewhere without their parents post-MCI, they'd usually make sure that Susie and Sam stayed together. a bit annoying for Susie, but she didn't mind too much.

the girls didn't learn about Naomi and what happened to her until sometime in the mid-90s to early 2000's. they barely even knew she existed.

i mean...technically they met her ghost in the Fnaf 2 location...but still. they didn't know who she was, much less that she was their sister.

Gabrielle/"Gabi's" Family:

not...the wealthiest. they're getting by just fine, but they don't have a lot of extra income or anything.

her mother is Mexican and her father is black. they had gotten together sometime in college, and they had twins first. several years later, they had Gabi.

alongside the twins (Mia and Martin, who were around 14-15 when Gabi was murdered), Gabi has a baby brother (Leo) who was around 4 when she died.

most of Gabi's more feminine clothing came from Mia as hand-me-downs.

the Franklin-Martinez family were close to the Aftons because of how close Gabi and Liz were.

they tried to tell William "hey, uh we think two of your sons might (cough definitely) have severe anxiety issues, and maybe getting them medicated for that?? would be good actually?? i mean, we did it for Gabi, and while nothing's perfect, it's made a drastic difference in her life, so maybe it'll help Mike and Cass??" and William went "Nah, I think they're fine, but I appreciate the concern 😊"

so yeah, Rewrite Fun Fact: Gabi had anxiety meds. it's one of the reasons she gets along with Cass so well (both have horrible anxiety).

they were fucking devastated when Gabi disappeared. on her birthday no less.

the family never really recovered from it. when Martin finally had a family of his own, he named his daughter after her.

final fun fact: Mia and Martin were some of Alex's classmates, but they kinda. Fucking Hated him. understandable. they only tolerated him for three reasons: 1) for Liz and Gabi's sakes, 2) he's one of the few people that didn't deadname/misgender Gabi, and 3) They Aren't Getting On The Bad Side Of The Afton Family. They Just Ain't.

Baker (+ Jeremy)'s Family:

pretty well off! not exactly middle class, but not really struggling, either.

both Jeremy and Baker are AuDHD, but...to put it one way, it was much more obvious with Baker.

their parents were very loving, even if their dad had to work a lot.

Jeremy and Baker were really close, despite how far apart they were in age (Jeremy being in middle school and Baker not even starting kindergarten yet).

since Jere's mom had asked him to look after Baker due to the disappearances of Naomi and Gabi the day before, Jeremy blames himself for Baker going missing. he'd been playing in the arcade and told Baker to stay in the area in front of the stage and to not follow any strangers (unfortunately, "O'Hare" didn't count as a "stranger" to Baker). his parents, however, don't blame Jere for what happened.

Jeremy is of course our good old boy Mr. Fitzgerald, so...he has a Lot of plot things that i can't put here because then it'll be LONG, but have a few: Fnaf 2 Main Guard, Bite of '87 Victim, Beloved Husband of one Michael Afton, Father of two lovely boys (Cameron and Gregory), you get the gist.

Jeremy struggled with the guilt of what happened his whole life. i'd say he made peace with it around Pizzeria Sim, though.

Felix's Family:

he and his Dad...they're doing their best!

Felix's mom left when he was young. he's doing fine, though! (...kinda)

he and his dad are both Irish. he uses the accent to make his "pirate accent" sound more accurate.

Fritz drank a lot, but he was never abusive. he loved his son dearly, and he was trying his absolute best. sometimes, though, that...wasn't really enough for Felix (mostly because it meant Fritz was never there as much as Felix would've liked).

their relationship was a bit...strained. but they still loved each other.

Fritz actually witnessed Felix being taken and tried to go after him and William, but there were too many kids in the place, and he couldn't get around them in time.

(he knows it was William. there's no way in hell it wasn't. it doesn't matter if he claims to have an alibi, or if he claims that someone else could've fit in a suit that size using stilts; it's all bullshit. as far as Fritz cares, the bastard can rot.)

so...yeah. Fritz Smith and William fucking hate each other.

Kelsey (+ Andrew)'s Family:

uh...not doing so hot in the money department.

their parents are divorced, but they live with their dad (because their mom wanted to make some more money before she tried taking the kids).

their dad Fucking Sucks. physically abusive to Andy, verbally abusive to both, and he throws his empty beer bottles at either one of them.

Kelsey was technically "the favorite," but...that ain't saying much. it's pretty much code for "Mr. Schmidt tolerates this kid more than the other one."

Andrew stayed over at the Afton Household pretty often due to this. the longest he stayed over there for any prolonged period of time was for like. a month.

due to the concerns over the other missing children, and Mr. Schmidt wanting to at least pretend he was a good father, he pretty much sprung Babysitting Duty onto Andrew last minute. Andy wanted to go help comfort Jeremy after Baker's disappearance, but since Kelsey wanted to go spend time at Fredbear's, their dad forced him to take him to Fredbear's.

in Andrew's eyes, it wasn't fair. this always happened; he'd make plans, clearly state those plans, and then his dad would just! fuck them up last minute!

besides...it's not like anyone had gone missing at Fredbear's. only Freddy's. why would the killer suddenly switch it up?

so, they leave. Kelsey stays behind, drawing at one of the tables. he promises to draw a picture for Andrew when he gets back.

he was only gone for a couple of hours.

they were only gone for a couple of hours.

they find Kelsey's sketchbook and crayons, the promised drawing being on the open page. Andrew searched the diner top to bottom...nothing. Kelsey fucking vanished.

their father blamed them for what happened to Kelsey. he was supposed to watch him, after all.

and Andy internalized it. it was his fault. he blamed himself for it hard.

(Kelsey never did, though)

Andrew also inherited the alcoholism issues. so. Fun (sarcasm).

Mr. Schmidt tried to eventually reconcile with Andy later on, but...well, Andy was hesitant to fully let him back into their life after all of that (which included some homophobia and transphobia. Andrew is a demiboy and aroace, for context). but Andy was willing to give him that second chance.

Andy eventually gets better and starts going to therapy. good for them <3

Andy also lives with Mike and Jeremy and the kids. just thought i'd mention that. :]

anyway, my beloveds <3

Oh, god. The families are suffering. Poor Andrew, too. It's not his fault. Andy couldn't have saved him...

[dee-in-the-box]

so, because i'm considering making a comic about The Prologue of Dsaf (basically, everything that happened pre-Dsaf 1, as well as maybe a little bit into the beginning of Dsaf 1), at least my headcanons for it, i thought i'd just list a few in text form, 'cause some of them might not be too clear whenever i get this comic made:

Dee's hair is darker than Jack's, and Peter's is darker than Dee. all of their hair colors are a different shade of red/ginger.

Peter moved out of Jack and Dee's house when he got engaged to Caroline.

Dee is quite literally just as chaotic as Jack is. makes sense, given he was the one she was around the most.

Jack told Dee that if anyone was being a dick to her (or was, in any way, trying to seriously hurt her), she could just bite them. maybe also scratch them like a cat. yes, Jack did (and still does, kinda) bite people. why do you think he taught her how to do that?

so, i've mentioned a couple of times how Jack is a trans man. he had a nickname, "Jackie," which was uh. a shortened version of his deadname. technically, he was only fully comfortable with Dee, Peter, and Caroline calling him that, but he didn't really protest when his employers/coworkers would call him that, and would even encourage them to do so, because, in his eyes, it's better than being referred to by his deadname.

Jack got a job at Fredbear's as a technician and nightguard when Peter moved out, a few months before Dee's murder.

Henry was actually the first employer of Jack's who both actually called him "Jack" and referred to him as a guy. Jack, at the time, viewed this as a good sign that this job would work out perfectly fine.

Jack and Dave actually talked a few times and would ""jokingly"" flirt with each other. this may or may not have also been the thing that got both of them to realize that they aren't straight.

Jack actually bought Dee a small stuffed kitten as a birthday present, a little red bow wrapped around its neck. nowadays, he uses it as a reminder of who he's doing all of this for.

Dee understood that Jack and Peter had to work so much to support her, but it still made her sad :(

neither Jack nor Peter were going to be able to be with Dee for her birthday due to work, so they both decided to schedule a birthday party for her at Fredbear's, so that she could still have a good day :]

Jack dropped her off, promised he'd be back at around six, and that they could even have a little birthday celebration at home that night before Jack had to leave for work. he'd even bring chocolate cupcakes, her favorite! he kisses her head, tells her goodbye, and then leaves. i believe we all know the rest from there.

Jack, on the night he died, wanted to check the cameras to see if there was any footage of Dee or the other children before they went missing. sure enough, there was.

also that night, before Jack went to do his job, he noticed a visible bite mark, as well as scratches, on Henry's arm. upon pointing it out, Henry tried lying and claiming that he just simply got attacked by a dog. Jack, a dog owner himself, told Henry he didn't believe him; he knows what a dog bite looks like, after all.

(looks like Dee took his advice, doesn't it?)

look, when i say that The Real Fredbear assigned Jack to be a partial dogboy, i'm not joking. he's got dog teeth now, he can literally make dog sounds (may or may not be based off of the Confusing Ending for Dsaf 2), he's got paw pads (kinda), he has claws. like, he might not have ears or a tail, but trust me: he's kinda sorta part dog now.

Henry: "So you see, William, I have the guy right here-" (suit is incredibly fucking empty, almost like nothing was ever in there to begin with) Henry: "..." William: "So...where's he at? Did you move 'im-?" Henry: "Fuck."

Peter blames Jack in the sense of "Why weren't you there to protect her?" the only reason Peter didn't let Jack stay with him was because he knew the police would be looking for him.

Jack scratched the word "LIAR" into Henry's car, and smashed the glass.

Peter may or may not have sued to clear his brother's name. and he did it by using the undeniable evidence of: JACK'S LITERAL BOSS SAYING THAT HE WAS WORKING THAT DAY AND COULDN'T HAVE COMMITTED THE MURDER. SERIOUSLY, HE SAW THE GUY WORKING NONSTOP ALL DAY HOW THE ACTUAL FUCK WOULD HE HAVE SOMEHOW SLIPPED AWAY TO COMMIT AN ACTUAL MURDER-

Peter began to suspect that Henry was hiding something. he got a job at a Freddy's location to get close enough to Henry to get the man to spill the beans. unfortunately, he died before that could happen.

however, what he witnessed on the day of his death...it did make him realize that Henry wasn't just hiding something: he was the motherfucker that killed Dee and tried to frame his brother.

Peter died having finally learned the truth...and then immediately had his memory wiped-

Jack and Henry nearly crossed paths several times. it's lucky for Henry that they never did, though; because Jack wanted to rip that fucker apart himself, consequences be damned.

i already have. another post talking about Blackjack specifically. go see that for details.

pretty much all of the Kennedy siblings after they died: FUCK Henry, all of my homies HATE Henry!!

that's about it for now. this is all stuff PRE-Dsaf 1. who knows when i'll get the beginning of the comic finished, but i'll try and work on it later. enjoy the headcanons in the meantime. :]

[nerdyenby]

DR pt2 reactions (spoilers)

Episode 11

Opening scene hypeeeeeee!!!!! Love seeing them all work together, there’s definitely been a soft timeskip with Arin and Sora’s costume upgrades and how well they fit together

Lloyd’s handling Wyldfyre pretty well, respecting her boundaries while making sure she feels welcome anytime

Ray and Maya!!! Are they alive lol? Will we ever find out??

“The monastery works best when everything is in its proper place” *cue explosion*

Not listening to Zane is the cause of 85% of problems in this show

Kai and Wyldfyre’s rivalry is everything, actually

I will never stop gawking at the new animation, it’s so beautiful ;-;

Yayyyyyyy propaganda /s

Aye, Sora’s parents!!!! Seems like they’re having doubts mayhaps

Keep questioning authority kids, you’re getting there

Kids get it done!!!

I am begging all the water, fire/heat, and ice elementals to practice some critical thinking and remember that ghosts cannot touch water

The delivery on Nya’s “Whaaaaaat?!??” was so good lmao

“Eh, it never came up” LMAOOOOOOO he was so deadpan I’m dying

“How hard can it be?” Arin I stg why would you say that

Frohicky!!!!!!!

Lloyd is so awkward I love him

Arin and Sora having a handshake <333

Episode 12

We love a villain whose pride is 90% of the reason they fail

If they start deadnaming Sora I’m gonna throw hands

I was so ready for them to confirm Kai’s age, should’ve known better tbh

Lloyd is such a good mentor, I could cry

They’re playing catch :((

Lloyd’s little “that was the last of our dinner plates” lmao

Has the Bounty actually operated as a ship before? In the course of the show?? Kinda love that they’re treating her like an actual boat now

Merlopians!!!!!

GAY PEOPLE!!!!!!!

Revolution counter: 1

That was so funny and for what

If they make it through this episode without mentioning Bentho I will be so sad

WAIT is the crab controlling the merlopians instead of the other way around????

CALLED IT

So glad the merlopians aren’t the bad guys here

Episode 13

Kai isn’t handling not being the most unpredictable person in the group very well

Kai’s girlbossing his way through life, as he should

Zane being down to drink motor oil but not fly juice is so valid tbh

Frohickey and Zane’s dynamic is so silly I love them

Zane you literally have a human disguise lol, kinda love him being comfortable enough with who he is that he prefers to stay as a nindroid even in disguise tho

Is that his detective costume from prime empire???? Now I’m thinking about what the ninja’s closets look like

Wyldfyre causing problems on purpose my beloved, she’s such a menace, I love her

I’m really enjoying seeing all the seemingly forgotten species come back, have we seen these skeleton people since season 1??

“Ninjasplaining” IM DEAD

The lavatides have such fun character designs

How did the other realms know about the ninja before the merge? Like it makes sense, but how about the practicality of it??

“Ok this is just getting silly” this show makes me so happy you guys

Zane has a holiday, as he deserves!!

So ready to watch Zane lose a Zane lookalike contest, surely nothing could go awry

GULCH :D

Challenging Kai with a character even more headstrong and proud then him is such a good move, it provides so many opportunities to showcase how much he’s grown

Poor Zane, this man does not need another ship of Theseus crisis

Damn, I’m kinda emo over this message

LIGHTNING??!???!?

Episode 14

I miss Pixal so bad, man

Frohickey’s trying so hard, I would die for him

Sora honey, I love you but please check that cognitive dissonance, the things going wrong are not your fault, none of it is your fault.

This show’s comedic timing is everything, I never get tired of it

Fat rip to Clutch’s book, no brobrogoogoo today :(

“Long before the Merge, Djinnjago was destroyed” Nya, are you not gonna mention that you were the one to destroy it???????

“Bad news first: our mission was a failure, also we have no good news” Sora is so fucking funny you guys

Frohickey is having such a rough time, poor guy

Nya having a lightning dragon can be so personal

Sora the dragon’s name is Zanth!!!!! Best resolution to the “other Sora” thread imo

I love this guys attitude so much lol

Confirmation that Riyu’s a special lil guy <3

The depressed icon we never knew we needed

Arrakore my beloved

Zane and Frohickey’s friendship is so precious

Episode 15

I like how Kai and Wyldfyre didn’t have a specific moment of “oh hey you don’t suck” its just “we’re too similar and it’s kinda annoying but you’re cool sometimes”

Why didn’t we get to see Arrakore’s song :((

Nya’s being so chill with Arrakore being djinn, obviously he has nothing to do with Nadakhan but it’s still nice, he also seems massively less racist so that’s good

Nya’s dragon finally has a name, Jiro my beloved :))

Arin infodumping and Lloyd just “mhm-ing” my beloved

Asking nicely always works, apparently

I entirely forgot about Rapton lmao

Is it Cole time??? I want it to be Cole time

*motivational music* “all life is important” “… but that’s Rapton 🤨” I love Arin

HEATWAVE TO THE RESCUE!!!! Though where has he been up til now??

Lloyd being like “yeah sure, how impossible can it be?” and being entirely justified is the most him thing ever

COLE TIMEEEEEE HELL YEAHH!!!!!!!!

Episode 16

Cole and Nya hug <3333

Someone other than Zane mentioned Pix, a day for the history books

Glad to see Cole’s as OP as ever lmao

Oh they’re so gay

I didn’t even think about that, it’s so fascinating that the earth is unsettled by everything that’s happened

That’s so sad what the hell, so in character for Cole to just adopt a buncha orphans tho

WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK IM SO ABNORMAL ABOUT THIS

Sora I love you but that is the worst possible way to phrase that

Kai talking about the importance of other ways of helping and how combat isn’t everything and showing Wyldfyre a healing technique :(( I’ve been rewatching s1 and he’s come so far

Geo :(( things are better now, but change didn’t come soon enough for him and now he’s Lost

Borg mention!!!!!!

Also I love having a reference point for Sora and Nya’s skillsets, it’s also just so heartwarming to see adults who are wholly supportive and unafraid of younger people being better than them

Cole is so out of the loop lmao

Zanth :0

Oh you bitch

Cole and Geo are so in love :(

Episode 17

I entirely forgot about this plot point lol

Oh this is so dystopian

Kai in a mentor role means everything to me

They’re actually addressing Kai’s grief??? Hell yeah, fucking finally /lh

Alright, betting time: Jay or Pixal?

Lloyd and Arin are so silly, I love them

Zane???!?!!?!

Zane really just sat in that office, huh (/ref but it’s so vague I’d be shocked if anyone got it)

It’s a part of the realm of madness oh my goodness that’s hilarious

“Are they safe for people?” “No” *proceeds to shove them both in there*

Zane had way too much fun with that superhero landing lol

JAYYYYYYYYYY HOLY SHIT ITS JAY NINJAGO!!!!!!!

Zane is having so much fun this episode, he’s just getting shit done and looking great doing it

So we’re not getting Jay back yet? Rip

Zane is so polite what the heck

Episode 18

So Wyldness confirmed to be the same realm as Imperium???

Is Beatrix gonna have the same origin story as Kalmaar??

Nya and Cole’s friendship is so tender and caring, they’re besties your honor

LaRow trash talking Rapton to his face lmao

Rapton redemption arc!??!????!

It’s so interesting seeing the backstory of Ras and Beatriz’s alliance after it’s already fallen apart

Wyldfyre did not need to be told twice lmao

THAT ACTION SEQUENCE HELLOOOO?!????? THEY WERE THROWING AROUND THOSE GUARDS LIKE A FUCKING VOLLEYBALL

From a psychological perspective, Beatrix is fascinating

Revolution counter: 2!!!!!!!

Episode 19

Lloyd letting Kai take point on wrangling Wyldfyre only for Kai to immediately match her energy my beloved

“You have no idea how foolish some of us can be!!” Pffff “-no offense Lloyd” PFFFFFFF

Interesting to go the “non bender revolution” route considering how few elemental masters there are compared to avatar where benders are a vast majority, but it’s a villain whose power hungry so makes sense and I’m entirely down

The quips this episode are impeccable

They built an hq??? Hasn’t it only been a week or two??

So much is interconnected in this season I’m kinda not following some of it, but I love it

Percival monologue going off!!!!!!

Sora main character fr fr

Kai and Wyldfyre are everything

Kinda iconic that Nya just hasn’t mentioned that she found Cole lol

That scene with the guard was so good!!!! The suspense and the realization of just how deep the resistance runs…. It’s such a good moment

Love that as soon as Kai has Wyldfyre even slightly reined in he’s down to let loose and make messes with her, as long as it’s for a good cause lol

That extra delivered with that cry holyyy

Heck yeah Rapton redemption :D

Rapton out here with the guardians of the galaxy motivation and I’m loving it

The fight choreography in this show never ceases to amaze me, holy crap

Sora’s speech goes so hard, I’m tearing up

Finally got confirmation the og ninja are in their twenties, thank god

One thing about Nya is that she will never pass up an opportunity to call her brother stupid

Episode 20

Rapton calling Dorama a “washed up clown” is everything I never knew I needed lmao

The stakes are staking

The glitch effect??? Hello spiderverse!!!

The platonic love on display this season is killing me, they all care about each other sm :((

That Rapton Nya interaction was so good and for what

Sora’s parents >:(

Deadnaming their kid and guilt tripping her saying she “abandoned you,” damn Sora’s response is so fucking cathartic as a trans person with unaccepting parents

I’m just here for the ride and having a great time

Frohickey!!!!!!!!!

Lloyd doing ye ole Chosen One things, as he should

Kai and Wyldfyre hug <3333

Dragon heritage mention???? Mayhaps???????

That was cryptic, cool though

Lloyd sees so much of himself in these kids 😭😭😭

Jordana boutta get the Harumi treatment fr

[slanax]

so the podcast playlist ran out at work earlier today and left me with just music and my thoughts while I continued packaging products on autopilot. Now over the last month or so I've done a lot in my day to day life to stop stagnating and settling for 'good enough' as far as like household and stuff is concerned, I finally upgraded my phone and phone plan after like five and ten years respectively, I bought new clothes that actually fit me instead of the holdovers from back in the day that I was still wearing, my kitchen now has an actual workspace bc I've rearranged my furniture and added some more - shoutouts to my mom who wanted the doors off of my ikea cupboards so she'd have a matching set for the ones I left at home (the kind I had wasn't in store anymore) bc her offering to drive me to Ikea to get replacements triggered a bit of a binge in rearranging my whole apartment and let me transport the new stuff home too. Visiting my brother made me cook more and eat healthier bc he showed me the burgers he's cooking up when he needs something fast but like, with standards.

anyways. rambling. point is that the whole thing got me thinking about other things in my life that I'm kinda 'eh good enough' on, and the big one there is my identity and my body. Me being cis is, at least at this point, a conscious choice born from indifference, the factory settings work well enough and it'd be effort to even start looking into what I'd have to do to change them. But at the same time, it doesn't feel super cis for my position to be "yeah I'd prolly trans my gender if given the chance but that sounds like I'd have to file shit and call people and bureaucracy would be involved. But I would. But the effort." like I'm remembering Ranma 1/2 from my childhood and think that'd be neat to be able to do, just switch genders at the drop of a literal bucket, I feel that's not a very cis thought.

so then about two weeks ago my workplace gave us access to some health benefits, because they're feeling bad about keeping the warehouse people a bit out of the loop and removed from the office people, and also they're having trouble finding new people and really don't want any of us to quit, or something along those lines. Point is I have better health insurance now, based on a calender year budget, so I basically have an above average budget for the second half of this year now and I wanna make use of that, because it's a use-it-or-lose-it kinda deal. Now I don't know if I can use that for any gender affirming stuff, but I might.

The problem that remains is that I still couldn't care less for going through the whole rigamaroll of a social transition, but like. staying on-paper cis and continuing to use my given name to avoid all those complications, legally still being the same person and just looking different (might need a new ID if I go that far lol) doing whatever the fuck I want with my body in the meantime without it ever affecting my legal identity because it's not a deadname if I'm still just using it, it doesn't actually give me dysphoria, and they can't force me to change my name just because I have boobs, might be what I want? And then maybe I can consider a legal gender and/or name change from there?

idk on one hand it sounds like something I'd want to do but on the other hand I also feel it's not like, committed enough? like both on a practical level where I need a doctor to help me transition physically while still using the same (male) name, and on an ideological level where it feels like appropriation in a way to just want the body and the appearance but skipping over the whole paperwork thing because I can't be arsed while for a lot of people changing name and officially recognized identity is a just as if not more important aspect of transitioning.

genuinely can't tell on my own if that standpoint is a valid one, if I'm right to be hesitant for that reason or if that's an exclusionist brainworm take, would appreciate feedback and second opinions on that part especially

either way I am going to look into using my newfound health benefits for getting my facial hair lasered first and foremost because even if I stay physically 100% male that shit is annoying, I don't care for how it looks on me, I feel messy when it's there and can't be assed to shave it regularily. Avoiding effort is a key part of my identity either way whether I'm Cis+ or Legally Cis For Tax Reasons