#and have her get deadnamed for kinda no reason

[lab-gr0wn-lambs]

Ok I've had some time to chill, lemme say a bunch of things I DID like about The Star Beast:

The right vibes are back. THIS feels like Doctor Who and I have a lot of faith in what's to come once they have time to pace things out

The characters are great. A+

Made me laugh

Silly practical effects!

Obviously Marvelous MARVELOUS to have Donna back with us, even if it's just for a little while

New intro is bangin

New Tardis is Nice. I honestly didn't like the crystal one.

The trans rep comes from a sincere place, I can tell. I think a lot of the gender talk was awkward and confused and kinda. stupid. in places. but. I appreciate it anyway

Really nice that they didn't kill off Wilf despite Bernard Cribbin's passing

[ratspider]

woke up from a dream about a family not accepting a trans kid for who they are to a text where my dad deadnames me :I

[king-spite]

update on this!!! it went well lmao :]

so after lots of thinking i decided i'm gonna come out as trans this college year (to classmates, teachers, etc) and when i tell you i'm TERRIFIED🧍

[chlauraform]

okkkkk well guess this is gonna be primarily trans and gay stuff cause thats something i could talk sbout for who knows how long, but im also sure not many people are interested in me talking about i dunno frank zappa or something.

soooo heres a little storytime i guess cause it features an important topic when people like me come out for the first time. my first experience with coming out was like incredibly heartbreaking. and id just love to talk about how actually horrible it can feel to come out to someone and have them be dismissive while not being "aggressive" per se, which is something im pretty sure most folks like me are gonna be worried about. were a minority after all. and people are dickheads.

so. a little bit of a backstory on why this even happened. id say a couple of months after i figured myself out and also started feeling gender dysphoria quite often, i would usually look quite sad most of the time. indifferent and bored, at best. i kind of still struggle with pretending im happy when im not, cause after some time, i really cant do much.

anyways, i was just casually walking somewhere with my sister and i assume she noticed, well, how i am. and then she started pressuring me. until i cried and just admitted that im trans. yeah, so immediatly im practically outing myself without wanting to. that shouldve immediatly been a huge warning to me, but i gave her the benefit of the doubt.

the reason for that benefit of the doubt is because in the past years, she has been a very, very accepting, progressive and socially radical person. from gay people to trans people to womens rights, you name it. but that changed. and im not gonna go into details how, since thats not my businees, but overall, shes now not that.

basically, after i told her, she maintained the position of still loving me and supporting me in absolutely everything and whatnot. then again, she said that ill "always be her brother" and also that im "too young to know this yet". now if theres anything i know best, it would be myself, even if im still practically just a teenager. frankly, at that point, i just kinda wanted to collapse. i played it off as being fine and just never mentioned it again to her.

it felt like i was being shoved back in the closet, like im being ignored and also like shes just trying to make me just think im cis or something. and after realising that, frankly, id rather she just called me a slur and told me she hated me or something. because theres something incredibly painful about getting not only my hopes up, but also feeling like shes gonna support me, only to be met with a complete contradiction and frankly belittling comment.

you cannot claim to be supportive while calling me your brother. i am not that. dont act like a saint because you arent hucking slurs at me. at the same time, i despise the assumption that someone like me is too young to know their gender, sexual orientation or whatever that isnt the norm. just like with typical heteronormativity, kids can know that theyre straight, but not that theyre gay. absolutely not, theyre too young for that. the same goes for gender.

and all this dilemma just lead to her completely ignoring it ever happened. still misgendering me, still calling me by my deadname. all while knowing exactly who i am.

then again, i dont care, cause i know myself, i know who i am and what i want to become. hell, a lot of people will go through something similar if not worse. ive accepted this kind of attempted fence-sitting as a total bullshit excuse and i wont bother with it.

phew that was a lot. again, actually. clearly i like getting the big sads out this way.

no but seriously to think even a few people will look at this and think "damn, i can relate" or just read through it totally randomly.

thanks yall!!!!!

sleep time gwuh

[rarepairdumpster]

Teacher Viktor AU #2

Pairing: Viktor/Silco (Arcane) Rating: M C/W: Modern Au, Teacher Viktor, Past Zaundads, Misgendering/Deadnaming mention, Past Jayvik, Dealing With Relationship Trauma

Vander and Silco have separated, with Powder choosing to go with Silco and Vi with Vander.

Viktor is Powder's new science teacher.

Silco meets him when Powder gets in trouble for stealing from the lab.

Powder says that she only took the stuff because her Dad wouldn't buy her some of her own and Silco flushes because he never said he wouldn't. Just not right that minute!

Viktor offers her use of the lab after school while he's grading papers etc

and Silco always comes and picks her up but one time he can't.

Viktor drives her home and Jinx tells him to stay for dinner and Viktor doesn't want to intrude but Silco is like "nah come on"

Its an easy dish of store-bought meatballs, pasta and sauce, and pre-prepped veg from the freezer. Silco literally only got in the door before Viktor and Powder pulled up outside.

Viktor helps in the kitchen.

Viktor offers to get the pans ready and boil the kettle while Silco fetches the veg from the freezer. 

Powder dresses the table.

She sits Silco and Viktor next to each other.

Jinx crashes afterwards and Viktor kinda stalls getting his things together until Silco invites him to have one last drink.

Viktor knows he shouldn't since he's driving, but he hasn't eaten so well in a while -- purely 'cause he forgets. And um. It was nice. Being social. He doesn't really get invited out much by colleagues.

Also the company is very pleasant

and handsome

What happened to his eye is why he and Vander separated. They were out for their anniversary, Vander got too drunk and started a bar fight because someone looked at Silco wrong, and Silco ended up with a shard of glass slicing down his face when he tried to break it up.

It was the other guy, but Silco still blames Vander

More than anything, Silco is angry that Vander's actions meant Vi and Powder/Jinx had to see another parent hurt (when they came to see him in the hospital). Because Powder was terrified.

Vi sided with Vander over what happened, which stung.

Powder is NB and goes by Jinx now but Vi and Vander never respected her new name/pronouns.

That's another reason she stayed with Silco.

Silco always had a feeling about Jinx, but he let her come out on their own. They came out to him first.

His support was the reason she was brave enough to come out to the others, but then it didn't go well at all.

Silco has no qualms about saying how perfect they are no matter what.

When they're in the car after coming out to Vander and Vi and Jinx is upset, Silco does his "Don't cry. You're perfect."

Painful irony is Vi realising they're NB years later

Jinx telling them to fuck off when they try to apologize. That Jinx trusted them and they threw it back at her

Vi never got used to calling them Jinx and doesn't put in the effort even after apologizing

Silco cries for the first time since he was a kid the night that he and Vander separate. But not until Jinx cries themself to sleep against his middle.

he doesn't cry hard, but he cries. A slow drip of tears as he strokes Jinx's hair

its the only time he allows himself to

The tear duct was torn when he was slashed with the glass. It didn't heal properly, so it burns when he cries

Silco not being emotionally ready for anything more than a friend with Viktor, and feeling a little guiltier every time Jinx asks Viktor to stay for dinner.

Jinx wants him to date.

He knows that.

But a large part of him is still in love with Vander.

Viktor would understand if he knew because his former fiancé cheated on him

Viktor had an episode at home while Jayce was out fucking Mel and Jayce's story didn't add up as to why he wasn't there because Jayce said he was working and when they tried to contact him about Viktor, he wasn't there

it was at his old school, which he's left since leaving Jayce. Because they'd met at the cafe nearby and memories were too painful.

Jinx asking during one of the dinners at theirs, "You're single, aren't you" and kind of make a suggestive look between the two of them.

And Viktor answering, "I am now, yes."

But its the way he says it that catches Silco's attention. The tightness. The unspoken pain.

Silco still having his wedding band, wearing it on a chain around his neck.

"Now? Were you not?"

"Jinx, please"

"No, it's alright. I was engaged but, he wasn't there when I needed him most."

Jinx finally subsiding because the comment reminded her of Vander and Vi not supporting them.

Viktor offers to explain during their drinks later and Silco says he doesn't have to but Viktor says he wants to.

Viktor sits and goes over it all and when he's finishing up a few tears end up slipping and Silco kneels in front of him and wipes them from his cheek with his thumb. Without thinking, Viktor closes the distance and kisses him, but freaks out a bit and leaves once he realizes what he'd done.

Silco, for his part, is still reeling.

They both agonize over the kiss for weeks.

It also happens just before a school break so theres no reason for them to see each other either

Silco touches his wedding band a lot as he agonizes over the kiss. Because he wants to do it again. But he isn't ready. And he knows it wouldn't be fair on Viktor.

Even though he's separated, he's still legally married.

Vander refuses to sign the papers and Silco never had a reason to push him to And maybe kinda hoped he would find a way to forgive him

Meanwhile Viktor is agonizing because he thinks he made a fool of himself

Jinx sees Silco messing with the ring and casually says "I know which one calls me by my name. Just sayin."

Silco driving to the school a few days before the kids are due back, knowing the staff will be prepping, hoping he'll catch Viktor at a free moment.

He asks around a bit then finds him alone in his classroom/lab and hesitates for what seems like forever before knocking.

Viktor being a ball of hopeful worry as soon as he sees him.

Silco barely opens his mouth before Viktor is babbling an apology.

He's had the papers to transfer Jinx out of his class for days but can't bring himself to do it.

Silco deciding to just take the plunge. Rushes forward. Kisses him.

Arch + Woods

[kraymerman]

I believe that there is a high likelihood that Alice survived episode 6.

...

Well okay, maybe "survived" isn't the right word, more like I believe that there is a high likelihood that Alice could come back from her death in episode 6.

Why do I think that? Well partly because she's one of my favorite characters and I want her to, but more prominently because she's come back from the dead before (if my theory is correct)!

Now, anyone who has spent some time in the Alice fandom knows about the list. She's in it, it deadnames her (evil trans queen), and so on and so forth. What matters to my post, though, is what her status is labelled as, which, chronologically, would have been her status at the time of Cabin Fever Labs's attempt at patching Nori of the Solver.

There she is, number 017, deadname scribbled out for respect. And what is her status? "Corrupted". Now, we don't know for sure what it means to be "corrupted" (trust me, I have spent several late nights/early mornings trying to figure it out), but my hypothesis is that the state we see Mika (032) and Jame (012) in are the result of being corrupted by a bad patch (Mika left, Jame right)

Chained up, sedated, kinda fleshy, and very dead, right? Now, to explain why I think this is what corruption looks like, it's just process of elimination. It can't be a successful patch because these guys aren't anything like Nori or Yeva (plus it does everything except outright say that Yeva was the first drone at Cabin Fever Labs to receive a successful patch).

Athough I could see a possibility where this is the result of a patch having no effect and the Solver lashing out, the part that hangs it up for me is that these drones wrote on the inside of their locker doors, meaning that they weren't killed then chained up inside of their lockers. It means that they were restrained inside of their lockers, then died on their own afterwards. That's not what would happen if the Solver was on a rampage. Also, even if the writing means nothing and these drones had ineffective patches, the Solver fought back, then they were offed, why would Cabin Fever Labs keep the dead bodies? Let alone chain them up and sedate them? They would've properly disposed of it so as to eliminate a potential host for the Solver, there's no reason they would have kept the body around if this was the product of a "no effect" patch.

So that leaves only one option: corruption. And just looking at it, this feels, at least to me, what "corruption" could look like. A sort of halfway between machine and flesh, chained up and sedated so as to get the spazzing drone from catching anyone, and a slow burnout after being confined in their locker (possibly kept alive so the scientists could see what happened). Seems pretty straightforward to me.

So to bring it back to my original point, this short-circuting freak out, a corruption of the mind, followed by a slow confined death. If this is an accurate evaluation of corruption, then that is what happened to Alice when they tried to patch her. What Mika and Jame look like? At the time of Nori's patching, Alice looked like that too. Despite that, though, she was still, through methods unknown to us, able to not only come back to life, but also completely reverse the fleshiness and return to looking like a completely normal worker drone (minus the knife tail, although I always assumed that that was a self-modification on her part considering it lacks any of the fleshiness characteristic of Solver Tails).

If she was able to come back unscathed from such a terrible fate then, then what's stopping her from using the same methods to come back from a simple head stomp? It was just her head that was crushed after all, not her core.

An addendum: "What Methods?!"

After reading my initial theory, I'm sure you're asking: "unknown methods? What does that mean?" Well I'm glad you asked, hypothetical person reading this that I made up in my head, because that lets me get into the biggest reason why I love Alice as a character so much. She doesn't make any sense according to the rules of the Murder Drones world that we already know. But not in a "she contradicts them", moreso a "she works in a different way", implying that there is a whole new set of rules in this world that exist, but we just don't know about them yet.

Anyone who thinks about Alice for more than a few minutes realizes very quickly how her existence as a drone admitted to Cabin Fever Labs makes no sense. She's very obviously been given the Solver, both because of her "corrupted" status on the list and the fact that she's even here at all, yet she also shows no symptoms of being possessed by the Solver or, most importantly, any signs of possessing the telekinesis/regenerative/create flesh limbs abilities inherent to all drones who possess the Solver, patched or otherwise. Not only that, but she also actively distances herself from drones who do, calling them "witches".

Hell, in the case of regeneration, she straight-up proves she doesn't have it when she replaces the tip of her finger that Uzi bit off with a new one instead of regenerating her old one.

In a comment section somewhere, I saw someone speculate that the reason Alice is like this is because she is asymptomatic to the effects of the Solver. This idea absolutely fascinates me, the idea that, for whatever reason, the Solver sits dormant in Alice's code instead of infecting her like it does all other drones. (I suspect that this is the reason why she was able to come back while other corrupted drones weren't. For a moment, something happened to kick her strand of the Solver out of it's dormancy to bring her back to life, before going dormant again.)

Even if my speculations don't end up being true, this idea that, in some drones, the Solver can lay dormant is still an entirely new concept, a new function of the Solver that we never see it display anywhere else. It's a treasure map hinting at a treasure trove of all-new lore waiting just at the end. The sheer promise Alice has is so exciting to me. There's so much there, hiding just below the surface I can feel it.

It is for this reason that, out of all the Murder Drones characters that go underutilized, Alice is the one that, I feel, is the most desperately deserving of an episode/mini comic series of her own. THERE IS SO MUCH GOING ON HERE, I CAN SMELL IT! WE JUST NEED TO GO A LITTLE DEEPER!!!

[crazylittlejester]

Hey, first I wanted to say that I love reading your works!! Especially your modern AU! Sorry if this has already been answered, but in your modern AU I’ve been curious on if their names are nicknames they each came up with for each other and they are all “Link” or if those are they’re real names in your modern AU? If they’re nicknames, are there any fun stories on how they came up with them?

Again, I’m sorry if it’s already been answered!!

Hi!! I’m glad you like my silly au alkdkd :)

And don’t worry, I don’t think anyone’s asked this yet (..? i have bad memory 🧍‍♂️) and its a bit of a mix of both!! Not all of their ‘real’ names are Link, but they all go by nicknames anyway for the most part. Their nicknames are such a part of who they are at this point that it’s rare they’re called anything else by their friends, but they ARE all nicknames.l (i also just haven’t used their actual names in writing the au so far because i felt like it was easier to just not alskdkdk)

- Time’s real name is Lincoln, ‘Time’ was a nickname he picked up as a teen that he never felt the need to explain to anyone so no one actually knows why he’s called that but its a bit badass and he’s slightly intimidating so people don’t really question him. At this point people rarely call him that to his face because there’s not really a needed, his wife calls him by his name (Link), Twilight mostly calls him ‘Dad’, Sky and War will kinda mentally refer to him as ‘Time’ but no matter how many times Time has ASKED them to call him that, they usually address him as ‘Mr. Forrester’. The other boys call him that too, or in Wind’s case: ‘Mr. Twilight’s dad’

- ‘War’ is technically just a nickname from his real name ‘Warren’, but the reason the whole ‘Warriors’ thing started is because it was a skating nickname he had that got messed up with an inside joke that started cos of a miscommunication so it ended up being plural and it just. Stuck. MOST people call him ‘War’, but whether its a nickname from his actual name or a shortened version of his other nickname, he’ll never know

- ‘Twilight’ came from War like. A few weeks into freshman year of high school when Twi was talking about how he saw the twilight movies over the weekend and War went “okay, Twilight” and now it’s stuck so fucking hard his PARENTS call him that sometimes. His real name is also Link, which made it a Bit confusing whenever Malon screamed “LINK. GET OVER HERE NOW.” whenever a new stray dog had been brought home without her hearing about it before hand because Twi and Time would both sulk over to the kitchen, not knowing who was in trouble, because they’d BOTH snuck a dog home

- ‘Sky’ is a nickname but his birth name is ‘Skylar’, so it’s not super fancy and it doesn’t really have a story attached

- ‘Hyrule’ is another case of misunderstanding turned into an inside joke. Legend, bless his heart, does not have the best hearing, so when Hyrule first ever introduced himself by saying “Hi, I’m Julian”, Legend somehow heard “I’m Hyrulian”, and was a bit confused considering that’s pretty expected for a kid actively living in Hyrule to be hyrulian. Like it’s not always the case, there are plenty of other people from other neighboring countries, and the funniest part of it all is that Hyrule is NOT, in fact, from Hyrule country. He moved there, that year. But Legend didn’t catch his actual name and Hyrule assumed Legend heard him so he didn’t reintroduce himself ever, and Legend KNEW he didn’t know the guy’s name so he mentally called him ‘Hyrule’ until he could catch a glimpse at him homework paper and read his actual name. Other nicknames for Hyrule include: Rulie, Ruls, and Jules. It’s most commonly Rulie at this point

- ‘Legend’ is a nickname and none of his friends know his birth name because he doesn’t want to tell them (he’s trans and they’re not going to push), but everyone also kinda knows that he probably has another name like. On his drivers license that HE chose that ISN’T his deadname, but he hasn’t told em what it is. (It’s Link, he has no real reason not to share that with them, he just thinks its really funny that they just don’t know)

- ‘Wild’ is another Link (edit: it’s his middle name but it’s what he goes by), but his nickname is fairly self explanatory. The guy is batshit, and the ADHD was so obvious in him that he got clocked FAST and put on meds by eleven

- ‘Four’ is technically a Link. ‘Link’ is his middle name, but he hates his first name so he’s always just gone by Link, but that started to cause problems as he met more and more fuckin people with the same exact name, and well. He was the fourth Link to join the friend group. His original nickname was ‘Number Four’ but it got shortened to just ‘Four’

- ‘Wind’ is ALSO Link, because it’s a family name of his and Four’s (they’re cousins), but it didn’t cause issues with the two of them growing up because Wind’s grandma and Four’s grandpa would just call Four his actual first name whenever Wind was also there. War gave Wind his nickname, he used to babysit the kid and he’s fast as hell, so ‘gods, he’s fast as the fucking Wind’ eventually got turned into a very sweet nickname ‘Windy’, which now that Wind is not longer 11 has been changed a little bit to just ‘Wind’

So, TLDR, 6 of them are Link:

Time <- Link

War <- Warriors <-Warren

Twilight <- Link

Sky <- Skylar

Rulie <- Hyrule <- Julian

Legend <- Link

Wild <- Link

Four <- Number Four <- Link

Wind <- Windy <- Link

[cinnamon-stixs]

I FUCKING LOVED MASTERMIND HADUFHHDUIDF I HAVE TO RAMBLE ABOUT IT!! SPOILERS LOL

also warning this is long as hell

-Andrealphus's house is surrounded by snow, as is his whole theme. It kinda reminds me of the mythology of hell's frozen center.

-I fucking love stella guys. I'm sorry. I hate her so fucking much and I want to shit on her dreams, and that is EXACTLY why I love her character so much. I'm so glad she's getting more development.

-Andrealphus didn't know about the deal, just that Stolas cheated. So Stella REALLY didn't tell him much.

-I like Andrealphus's peacock theming

-"Now you fucking know!" icon.

-I really like the detail of them using Moxxie and Blitz's mugshots, as well as Millie's wanted poster. It's a really good illustration of how authority figures will do anything they can against minorities, and really pushes the themes of classism and oppression in the show.

-Blitz immediately running to delete his search history, me core.

-He's so scared of going to jail again :(

-"We are going to beat you! But only a little!"

-She's exactly like her fucking dad. She cares SO MUCH deep down, but puts on that 'indifferent asshole' attitude to protect herself.

-"The shredder is jammed!!" D:

-These poor interns

-Blitz, of course, crashes immediately.

-Moxxie uses 'Blitz' instead of 'sir'

-THE MUZZLE. I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL MYSELF.

-I wanna note as they walk in, Satan is acting in place of lucifer, since he's too busy with the Hotel stuff. He claims he was in hell BEFORE Lucifer, but I take that with a good spoonful of salt.

-"Is this about the orphans?" HUH?

-Dude these motherfuckers keep deadnaming Blitz and it pisses me off! Like I get that's the point but still.

-The sloth and envy sins are here!

-I really like Vassago. It seems like he really cares about fair due process in general, but he also seems to have some sort of beef with Andrealphus.

-"Since when is ATTEMPTING a crime illegal am I right?" You stupid bastard.

-"LIES!!" STFU

-I've seen a few people question why Andrealphus would go straight after Blitz instead of Stolas, since he wants him gone so bad, but the answer is simple. Andrealphus KNOWS there's pretty much nothing he can do to demon royalty, especially since Stolas was considered above him on the Goetia food chain. Going after the imp, a member of an already extremely marginalized group, was simply a safer bet.

-I wish Ozzie and Bee spoke up more. It seems ooc, but at the same time we don't know how big the power imbalance is between Satan and the rest of the sins. (Aside Lucifer)

-"A responsible and handsome Goetic demon such as myself-" You should kill yourself, NOW!!

-They never wanted to let him speak up in the first place.

-"Put his kind to shame" BRO HE BAGGED DEMON ROYALTY.

-wtf is up with Satan and his little meditator twink assistant

-YES VASSAGO!! BRING UP THAT HE'S NOT HERE! IT'S ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT THAT STOLAS WASN'T INFORMED AND CLEARLY INDICATES ANDREALPHUS HAS OTHER MOTIVES!! YES HE SHOULD BE SUMMONED!!

-God I love Vassago I hope he's a reoccurring character

-"didn't want him to go through the trauma of facing his aggressor' is such a thinly veiled argument, but no one fucking cares because Blitz is just an imp.

-WHY IS STRIKER HELPING DEMON ROYALTY. Does he hate Blitz that much because he associated with them? Is he getting paid? Was he threatened?

-"If I wanted to kill Stolas, I would've done it myself." Good point, HORRIBLE wording.

-"oh he just fucked himself over."

-I am so sorry your boss is a fucking moron

-PLEASE Bee and Ozzie you can do better than "He probably has a good reason for all of this!"

-Bee throwing dick popsicles at Mammon, I love you girl.

-God I hate this classist piece of shit

-He KNOWS smthn is up.

-The immediate cut to a Mammon joke after our mcs are SENTENCED TO DEATH really shows how little higher class demons care about imps and hellhounds

-We obviously know They're not ACTUALLY gonna kill any of them off, but I was still biting my fuckin nails dawg

-What an EVIL move.

-Fizz and Ozzie's full conversation before this. So, Ozzie most likely had no idea the trial was for Blitz.

-Side note, but I'm kinda surprised Fizz and Ozzie dating wasn't brought up aside from that line from Mammon about Ozzie and Bee 'associating with the lower class'.

-wtf is up with Satan? If this were any other sin, Ozzie would not HESITATE to clock their ass. Just look at s2 ep7!

-"NOT THEM YOUR HIGHNESS!" What if I cried.

-"you're acting kinda ruby" GET OUT OF HERE TWINKIE

-"I suppose I created impkind to be obedient" Motherfucker those are people.

-"Just axe the mouthy one" It's so in-character for Blitz to not assume himself to be the mouthy one

-He still careeeesss augh!! He sounded so distressed

-"We'll pretend to care" So accurate! Ouch!

-"Moxxie, stop. This big red bitch never planned on hearing us out."

-HER FACE. "Just take care of Loona for me" WHAT IF I FUCKING CRIED.

-Fun fact this is the part of the episode where I started bawling like a loser

-"I love you guys" I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL MYSELF. IM GONNA DO IT FUCK

Uhh I have to reblog to continue this bc I hit the image cap halfway through lmfaoo

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

thinking about gijinka!metal sonic again. bc like in a humanisation she’d be like the biological kid of eggman right? and that’s giving me such brainrot. the tl;dr is that she was born through surrogacy to serve as eggman's heir when he dies and basically she was raised to be eggman 2 (her deadname is literally ivo jr) and despite growing up with a safe, wealthy environment with a ton of education she never really felt loved by her father so after he and sonic start fighting she pretty much immediately both replaces half her body with cybernetics to serve as a useful pawn in her fathers schemes and started dying her hair in the hopes that if she looked like sonic she'd at least get any attention. she eventually ran away (after realising she was trans and being terrified of her father not accepting her) and like kinda did the whole sonic heroes thing but being like a human meant she couldn’t just be reset so. she just kinda started serious therapy and now is in an awkward midground where she has absolutely no idea who’s side she’s on. i also have some more detailed thoughts on her under the cut if u want.

the modifications she did to her body for her cybernetics stunted her growth a lot. she was short as a kid and as a teenager she's like 4’7 max. it was extremely invasive and painful, but she was that desperate for any sort of familial love. being eleven it was not exactly done great and while she’s a terrifying combatant she's in and out of hospital the rest of her life for some reason or another.

eggman does actually fully support her transition, bc while he's a terrible dad he does on some level genuinely care about her and like, he cares more about her continuing the mad science legacy than how she presents herself.

she’s very much a sheltered rich kid. the closest thing she’s ever had to a friendship is trying to murder her fathers arch nemesis, and that started when she was eleven she didn’t have any sort of friend before that. her socialisation is messed up enough that despite technically still being fully human (just with very advanced cybernetics) she's still very much the maladjusted violent ball of anger and jealousy she is in canon. sonic and co literally thought she was just a very humanoid killer robot for years. like, up until heroes. but no it’s just severe trauma.

she does however have more hobbies than torturing small animals! she's fond of liveleak.com, licking batteries until she's electrocuted (her modifications prevent her from being seriously injured), and inventing weaponry. she eventually picks up some less… concerning hobbies after a bit of therapy and spending time with sonic and co. (she particularly enjoys fashion and, surprisingly enough, animal crossing).

she mostly resembles her father (her biological mother was specifically picked so that’d be the case, along with many other stringent requirements) but she looks close enough to maria robotnik that she Constantly freaks shadow out. especially bc she is again very sickly and probably will die young bc of the complications with replacing half of her body including her brain with cybernetics made by an eleven year old. she exploits this to experiment on him when she’s bored. she’s not as familiar with biological sciences as robotics but she does kinda want to Not Die and unethical experimentation on the immortal ultimate life form helps.

yes, her nine year old pre-cybernetics appearance is deliberately meant to look a little like alex kidd with the messy hair and pallet. bc she’s neglected in favour of sonic. why not.

[achillesisnotcomingdown]

Ive lose the ask asking for my transmasc!Leo headcanon TT but i have them written down so imma post em like that

Leo transmasc headcanon

(many things are based on my own experience. Especially the dysphoria related things (so when i talk about Leo not being a real boy it is what he thinks bc of dysphoria. It’s not true.))

(warning angst angst (but thats Leo so that was expected)

it was so obvious even when he was small. He always wanted to play with boys, wear boys clothes, ect… His mom was fine with it. She bought him boys toys and clothes and even sometimes called him hijo. She was a bit confused, but she knew it made her child happy and it's all that mattered. 

However, it didn’t go that well with his foster homes. However much he tried, they always stuck to his deadname and she/her. That was a big part of the reason he kept running away. 

There really is no story behind the name Leo. He picked that one bc it sounded cool. 

Once he got a good enough passing, he did everything he could so ppl will assume he’s cis.

Don’t ask me how he gots his hands on hrt. It’s a long and weird story.

The wilderness school was very strict about not mixing girls and boys in dorms. 

Piper was his roommate, that’s how they met. 

In their memories created by Hera, Jason has kinda always known he’s trans. So Leo never bothered to hide it from Jason (as he does with others).

But Jason doesn’t have much (any) education on transidentity… At first he assumed Leo was a cis guy, and then some things were a bit confusing (why was he in fem dorms ? Why does he wear a tank top under his shirt ? Did he just ask Piper for a tampon???) but he just kinda gave up on trying to understand, bc Leo is a nice guy anyways. And with time (and exterior knowledge on the matter) he started to put the pieces together and to understand that “ooh ok that makes sense". 

Otherwise. Leo has no desire to get out of his comfortable closet. 

He has such a fragile masculinity 

Sometimes he acts a little bit macho. He’s aware he’s acting like an asshole but he’s terrified of being perceived as feminine. 

Why does he try to flirt with every girl he sees ? Another attempt to pass better (and comfort himself in his fragile masculinity) by copying stereotypical boys' things.

He overbind so much, GODS. Man will wear his binder for 11h straight (while fighting and running around) and then have the audacity to complain that his body hurts.

Piper tries very hard to remind him to take proper breaks. 

Jason is the biggest gender envy ever. He is handsome, tall, muscular… Leo really loves him but he also is so jealous and envious. 

He is very envious of other boys in general. 

When Percy got woken up in the middle of the night and left his cabin shirtless. When Frank went to take a break in the men’s restroom…

Gods, he would do anything to just be a normal boy. To be like them. To have their bodies. To not have to destroy his body to look slightly more masculine. To not have this constant fear that they’re gonna find out. 

And to add to the reasons why he felt so much like the 7th wheel : Among the 7 there are 3 girls, 3 boys… And Leo. Forever inbetween. Not a girl, but not a boy like the others either. 

Fortunately, with time he learnt to accept himself better and to feel more comfortable with others. 

Piper helped him to go easier on himself. And he had an actual proper talk with Jason.

The first person he actually came out to was probably Annabeth, bc she’s cool and wise and nice. 

And then he saw it actually was ok. She didn’t treat him any differently, she didn’t tell anyone else. She was cool with it.

He then told Frank and Hazel, with Piper’s help (mostly to explain to Hazel all those new terms). And it also went very great ! He then also told Percy and Nico. 

He’s not entirely out, just to his closest friends and his siblings at camp. And it’s enough. 

He still overbinds, but he has ppl to (discreetly) remind him to take care of himself. He’s still very dysphoric but his loved ones know how to remind him that he is their brother, an amazing boy.

[koyaildoesstuff]

Ok, so I just need to kinda rant again. I’m kinda already over it, but I still need to get this over so it just doesn’t boil in me.

Edit, I was in fact, not over it

Tw for thinly disguised transphobia from one’s family, as well as dysphoria and swearing

So I have this really pretty yellow dress that I was thinking of wearing today because I had to go to church because they were honoring the graduates. It made me feel very good today, which is something I really struggle with in dresses, but ultimately, I didn’t have a purse for my phone and stuff, or pockets, or a jacket. This was a short sleeved knee length dress, so it wouldn’t have cut it in the 50 degrees Fahrenheit (10 degrees Celsius for my non American friends), and windy weather. So I changed, but since I was feeling good in more feminine clothes, I wore a feminine shirt with some pants that used to be a skirt that I turned into pants and love dearly because I look like I stepped out of imladris or something. I was really feeling the outfit too.

A little context on where I stand on my femininity. I’m genderfluid, however I mainly use he/they. This is because I live in the rural Midwest, where I’m lucky to be called with they/them. It’s always she/her, no matter how much I try. So this has strained my relation with my femininity, because I love to dress fem when I’m comfortable with it, but I constantly feel like it will just set me back with people’s perceptions of me, so I mainly dress masc or gn. I don’t like this, but I don’t like the looks I get when I dress fem either, or the fact that both my parents want me to dress up in a dress when I want to wear a button up. My parents don’t accept me as their child. I’m their daughter, and they only use my birthname at home, and have even deadnamed me in front of friends before. Like I get it, if my extended conservative family is there, I don’t want to get disowned either. But if I’m at a school event, no one remembers her anymore. It’s Koya/Koyail now. Those who do remember my birthname are often the ones who do the best at not using my birthname either. So it’s really hard when I’m only seen as a daughter at home, so I feel like I have to take back control in public, which results in me rarely dressing feminine. Oh, and one last thing. I LIVE IN WISCONSIN! IT WAS WINTER. IM NOT GOING TO WEAR A SMALL DRESS WHEN IT’S 0 DEGREES OR COLDER OUT THERE (-18 in Celsius)! Winter temps range from 40 degrees to -30 in the winter (4 to -34)

So, back to the story. My mom’s been wanting me to wear this dress for a while, and I have too, but I just haven’t found the right time. I was thinking of wearing it to graduation, under my gown, as my class color is yellow, but ultimately decided I would decide day of if I was comfortable in that, or if it would cause dysphoria.

So I get into the car to go to church, and I tell my mom that I was going to wear the dress, but I didn’t have a purse, pockets, or a jacket. And she gets all rude about it right off the bat, being like “you could just carry your phone,” and ignoring the fact that the main reason why I didn’t wear it was because I didn’t have a jacket! I was still cold at church in a thin long sleeve and pants! I would have been freezing!

So she tells me that I have to wear it to graduation then. Now, my brain doesn’t like this, because it means I’m being forced into femininity. So I stupidly say that I will if I’m comfortable. Which I was hoping I would be. I want to wear that dress, but my brain isn’t playing nice. My stepdad pipes in and was like “come on, it’s the one time, the one graduation. You can wear the dress.” Which like, thank you for believing I’m going to drop out of college I suppose? But I get it. But now I really don’t want to. My outfit I was wearing starts to feel icky too, because I have to feel confident in myself to dress more femininely, and now that confidence has been dashed.

To make it worse, mom doesn’t stop. She basically says I have to wear a dress, if I don’t wear that one, as well as “I was just in your room, and saw all the dress you have that you never wear and we wasted money on.”

Wow. Just wow.

I see how it is. You are losing control over me, so I have to be the perfect straight A daughter you fucking molded me into on the most important day of my life up to this point. Let alone the fact that I spend days wishing I wasn’t trans, that I could just be normal. All because of the guilt the three of you (parents and stepdad) make me feel for not being my birthname anymore.

I want to wear the dress. I was excited to wear that dress. I was hoping my brain would be nice and I could wear it without dysphoria on Friday. Now I don’t want to. I don’t want to wear a button up either. The two of you just affirmed that none of the straws you hand me that you call “acceptance” fucking matters. Because I can’t wear the dress now without feeling shitty, or the masc option without feeling guilty and shitty.

I’m glad I haven’t been disowned, I’m glad my life isn’t a living hell because I’m queer. I’m glad my church loves me for me, as my pastor is quite literally gay, and I often find more support there than I do at home. But that is the bare minimum, and I wish I didn’t have to settle for it. I wish they could love me as their child/son.

Mom always says “she’s trying,” but then never puts in the effort to use they/them (Nevermind the fact that I use he/him mostly now for those who care and try). My dance teacher finally found out this year, just because I just never told her, and she screwed up like once. The entire year. Ten years of my birthname and she/her, and she never messed up pronouns, name, or she quietly corrected herself if she did. Mom deadnames me, basically reverse outting me to friends who don’t know or forgot my birthname. My stepdad never speaks up. My dad still uses my birthname too, and there’s so much guilt that comes with him, because he always wanted to name his daughter my birthname, and I’m changing it. I’m an only child too.

I am constantly forced to grasp at the straws they give me, and pretend like it’s not the bare minimum for loving your child like you should, unconditionally. But her love always seemed conditional on whether I’m fitting her expectations. I’m left to deal with the worries of being trans and having my extended family find out. I’m probably going to get disowned. I’ve always known that. That is really hard for a 16-18 year old to cope with (as I started to seriously realize I wouldn’t be accepted around two years ago).

So yes. I’ll wear the dress.

But I can no longer feel good in it.

I hope they fucking enjoy it while it lasts, because it fucked up any progress I had made in feeling comfortable feminine around them and in public.

To my mutuals, or others I interact with in roleplay, or elsewhere- thank you for your true acceptance of me. I never hear myself be referred to by he/him pronouns (to the point that if I am irl, I don’t realize they are talking about me. He/him feels right most of the time tho). To have you guys accept me as Koyail, and refer to me in masculine terms means more than you could ever know.

I think the reason why I’m starting to feel more comfortable expressing my femininity, and embracing my fluidity again is because of you guys (that and my gender solid is defrosting from winter).

I always knew that once I was seen as myself, and not just a female, my fluidity would come back. And I’ve already started to pay more attention to my pronouns again, seeing what days I don’t mind being called “she,” or what days I want to just be “they” and not “he.”

This is the reason I write all gender versions of my fanfics. I write for myself, but if I can be the affirming person for someone, then I will gladly read thru my work 10 times over to make sure any “sweet boy” or “he” gets changed to “sweet thing/girl” and “they/she”

It’s been a while since I let myself acknowledge the fact that my pronouns are still also fluid. He/they is just another mask I put on for the ease and comfort of others. It feels better than she/her does, or even just they/them by itself, but it’s still not fully right. Most days it is tho, so don’t worry if you’ve referred to me in masc terms. I love it. Thank you again, especially if you actually read through this rant all the way through

Borahae,

Koyail

[whirligig-girl]

I really love your designs for Stella and Tammi. Do you have any story bits for them (like little lore pieces, backstory or whatnot,) and how did you come up with them both?

Thomas and Gordon both have some trans-coded moments in The Great Race. "Give me the curves I deserve" in the streamlining song, the entirety of "You Can Only Be You" (which in a trans reading is super depressing and makes Ashima a transphobe), Flying Scotsman constantly deadnaming Gordon and him saying "That's not my name!" during the streamlining reprise. It's clearly not the intended reason (see below) but it's hard not to be like "same, girl" if you're trans.

(It only just occurred to me that if you take this too seriously you do get "trans women are just trying to win at sports." Which is unforchie, because that's a harmful stereotype. But I digress.)

The way I see Stella and Tammi's transitions going in the RWS is something like.

It's 2023, and someone Peripherally Important to the engines has just transitioned. Maybe the Fat Controller's daughter, maybe an engine's crew, maybe a cleaner or a guard. So, given that the NWR is the Gossip Railway, this has to be commented upon in the sheds one night. Perhaps James thought they'd all be in agreement that it was silly, and Henry immediately challenged him just for the sake of it.

During the argument, Gordon lets slip that he actually preferred the old days on the GNR when his crew called him "she" and "her" and before he even had a name. The shed gets awkward after this.

Edward catches wind of this and speaks to him at the junction. "When I came to Sodor," he explained, "I was glad when the men started calling me 'old boy' and treated me like I was one of them! Lucky the Fat Director asked me what my name was, and not my old controller!"

"My name was chosen for me by one of the old railway directors," Gordon said, "and at any rate. It's been a hundred years! If I didn't change it before, it's too late now."

Gordon was still sulking a few months later at Thomas' junction. An old woman was being helped out of Annie and into Gordon's train. She pointed at the engine, and her caretakers (grandchildren? just nice passengers?) brought her up to the engine. Gordon looked at the clock. This had better be quick.

"Gordon," the woman said, with a deep, raspy voice. "You probably don't recognize me," she said. "I was your fireman back in the 90s."

"Jeff?" Gordon asked, "But, but, how--"

"And I remember that time you were so excited to meet Flying Scotsman again that you nearly ran yourself dry popping your safety valve every few seconds. I told you 'i'm sure Flying Scotsman would appreciate fireworks, but a boiler explosion is probably not, eh, something like that. And then I could barely keep your fire draughting at all."

"But, but, but that never made it into the books! It really is you!" Gordon said, gobsmacked. "How--how are you?"

"Well, most of my retirement sucked. Been really great the last five years though. The wife left me, but I still have my children, thank god. I'm finally back on Sodor again."

"Her name is Jasmine, now," one of the (adult) children said.

"Oh hush, I don't want to confuse the poor engine," Jasmine said. "And anyway, we've got a train to catch."

"Jasmine," Gordon whispered under his breath as he started out. "How about that."

It didn't take long after that for Stella to show up. Some of the other engines laughed at first, but Stella was a happier engine than anyone had ever known old Gordon to be, so they were glad for the 'trade'.

And after Stella showed that engines can just be whatever gender they want to be, the extremely skewed gender binary on Sodor began to come undone.

(I had actually kinda preferred Thomas deciding they're agender and using it/they pronouns, or just being kind of a butch transfem, but femme!Tammi is really cute and fun)

[estrellasxxminis]

@circusfreakster

I made more fire

I was PRAYING 🙏🙏🙏 for this to not break the discord character limit but it did but hey atleast i didn't break it Twice like the earlier theory

It's 693 words which is shorter than the first which was 754

Theory pt 2 (TALLIUS HALLIUS REFERENCE?!?!?!?!!) under cut

Could svlyvia plaith or whatever her name was be pre transition scian? (Edit: PALEMER HER LAST NAME IS PALMER)

Could scian also have changed his last name when he transitioned.....

I mean peaca means sin so this theory would probably be wrong unless it was:

1: a foreshadowing by eddie

Or 2: could the spiral have given him his new name??????? It said to embrace sin in aran entry

(OJ AND SPEAKING OF ARAN i put the accent on the first A and not the second and it translates to bread in irish)

The reason I thought of scian = sylvia theory was that they both share the same initials like think about it Slyvlaia Palmer and Scian Peaca

The thing that makes me doubt this theory is that (also unless Spiral gave him his new name) sylvia palmer is Not a irish name (afaik) like the name Scian Peaca which are both irish words

The names sylvia and palmer are both descended from Latin like sylvia means forest or woods (I think I know where she ran away to)

and the word palmer means "a pilgrim, (SCOTT PILGRIM REFERENCE????) especially one who had returned from the Holy Land with a palm branch or leaf as a sign of having undertaken the pilgrimage" (REMEMBER DOVE = NOAH'S ARC THEORY IN TE FIRST NOTEPAD THEORY I MSDE????)

Except this theory would be wrong cuz Eddie said dove thing is related to castiel and this could just be a coincidence from like googling the word (I think google thought I was searching for the word instead of the last name but otherwise it means the same i think)

sylvia has GOT to be important in some way if not like important to scian's story she might be connected to cas' story

But I think she's defs connected to scian more cuz look at the date when she went missing. APRIL 21ST. SCIAN'S BDAY

After looking a bit into what's on April 21st uhhhh on that day is ridván which is a bahá'i holiday I think? Not sure if it's related

(It's also civil service day on April 21st which is DEFINITELY not related)

(NOTE AFTER EDITING: April 21st is the day after Easter which is also a religious thing, iirc that was the day in which jesus was resurrected?? It ties back in with gender/religion/rebirth themes)

About the dates she should roughly be around 20 when spoc happens (if it does rlly happen in 2025) and Scian's turning 21 so the age lines up i think

The description seems to match scian a bit asides from the hair cuz his hair color fades to red

But also another question:

HOW DOES PREZ KNOW ABOUT SYLVIA????

This is the question that could possibly disapprove this theory:

Why does prez refer to scian and sylvia pretty much interchangably?

Like one post pres talked about sylvia being a liar but if the sylvia = scian theory is true why did she deadname scian for only one post and never again? This kinda makes it sound like sylvia and Scian are different people if she did it only once when talking about how delusional he is

Or maybe pres did that to drive the point home or something?? ||Man she REALLY would get along great with ~~ira~~ nd primella||

Speaking of prez again I came up with another theory that she could be either Olivia west (the babysitter from cliffside documents) or Charlotte davidson (the girl that literally went missing on my birthday btw I'm serious may 10th is literally my birthday)

I'm not sure if the other dates have meaning like they could be either entirely random orrr there's something on those dates

A theory I have for now is that pres could've known scian before events of spoc... She could've been like a friend or sibling or something like that in the past like grace and rocio kinda relationship but I'm not very sure about this cuz she seems to reeeeally not like scian in spoc so something could've Happened

Okay that's it I'm pretty sure I could fit this in a discord message

[nyaagolor]

A genuinely shocking amnt of people said they wanted to see my “Apollo backstory but it’s exclusively based on AA4” so huzzah! Self-indulgence on main! It’s under the readmore because I don’t wanna clog anyone’s dash :)

Everything starts with Thalassa because of course it does. She’s part of the Granmarye Troupe but kinda Hates It. Her father gives her very little autonomy, and she feels like they’re treating her more as an asset or employee than family. She's good at putting on a brave face but she has very little autonomy there and is completely miserable, so she sneaks out to meet with the audience sometimes to get a taste of freedom. It’s on one of these little trips that she meets Jove, who she quickly falls in love with. They continue to meet in secret, and Thalassa’s resentment for the troupe only grows. The day she turns 18, she runs away to go elope with him, not leaving a note or any indication of where she’s gone

The two of them are happily married for a year and have a child, but Jove dies in an accident (unrelated to Kuhrain in this version) only a year into their marriage. Thalassa, now a 19 year old single mom with no money and no documents, realizes the only person who can help her now is the last person she wants to see. Desperate, she calls Magnifi, who agrees to help her IF she gives up the kid and comes back to the troupe. He thinks if she still has an attachment to the child she’ll try and run away again as soon as she can (and he’s right!). Thalassa gives Apollo to the orphanage with one of her bracelets and secretly tries to keep track of him— she does plan on coming back for him as soon as she can, Magnifi be damned

Magnifi, knowing that both Zak and Valant are in love with his daughter, actively encourages the both of them to pursue her, hoping one of them will get her to fall in love and give her a reason not to leave the troupe. Zak is the one who ends up succeeding. They have Trucy together and things immediately take a turn for the worse

Thalassa immediately gets very depressed after having Trucy and nothing seems to cheer her up. She can’t stop thinking about being forced to give up her first child and the life she lost and nothing Zak does seems to help. Eventually, Magnifi steps in and says that she needs to get over it and get back to performing. To everyone’s surprise, Thalassa agrees without protest

This is when the “accident” happens. Air quotes here because surprise! It was not an accident at all. Thalassa was tired, desperate, and wanting nothing more than to go scorched earth on the entirety of Troupe Granmarye, so she loaded the gun improperly on purpose in hopes that the aftermath and scandal will bring the troupe down with her. She somehow survives, but only Magnifi knows. Not wanting news of it to escape and seeing an opportunity to hold this over Zak and Valant’s heads, he ships his amnesiac daughter off to Borgnia and tries to wipe his hands of the whole thing

While clearing through Thalassa’s things, Magnifi finds all of the information on Apollo and Jove, which he shows to Zak. Zak, who didn’t know about Apollo, feels wildly hurt by it all. He ends up projecting a lot of his feelings onto Trucy— he still loves her but becomes more distant because he’s grieving Thalassa’s death and “betrayal”

This is how Zak knows about Apollo and why he tells Phoenix about it. Phoenix does try to find Apollo as soon as he learns about him, HOWEVER, Apollo is trans and all of Thalassa’s documents have his deadname on them so they can’t be used to track him down. (By the time Phoenix realizes Apollo is the kid he’s been looking for ((via the bracelet)) he’s already broken Apollo’s trust enough that he doesn’t feel like he can safely drop that truth bomb without scaring him away. By the time Apollo DOES come to trust Phoenix, Thalassa has her memories back, at which point Phoenix feels it’s her truth to tell). Anyway.

Trucy’s story is effectively identical to canon so I don’t have much to say about that

While in the orphanage, Apollo decides he wants to be a lawyer bc he hears about Phoenix (specifically the whole thing about sticking up for people with no one on their side). He goes thru the lawyer track in HS bc that’s a canon thing in AA apparently and tests into a special fast track law program so he can save as much money on tuition as possible

Apollo works his ass off, he has a ton of jobs and works indexing night shifts for the courthouse. Everyone starts to know who he is bc he works every law related job he can no matter how miserable. This is how Kristoph finds out about him

He works all thru law school but basically all of his money goes to tuition so he goes between shitty apartments and crashing at the courthouse / work when he runs out of rent money. This is the OTHER reason everyone knows who he is and how kristoph finds out about him— he’s always loitering around the courthouse. He makes a name for himself as a hard worker, being fast + thorough with paperwork, and having an excellent eye for detail

During internship hunting season, Kristoph approaches Apollo— he greatly values a dedicated hard worker like Apollo and thinks Apollo’s abysmal financials are good leverage for manipulation. I hc that Kristoph specializes in fraud cases, so Apollo’s talents are extremely relevant to Kristoph’s interests. Kristoph’s firm is only himself because of all the illegal shit he does (less eyes less chance of being caught) so he gambles on taking in Apollo. He ends up personally fixing up Apollo’s credit score, ensuring he has proper documents, and gets him set up with a decent paycheck so he can start to develop a savings account. Apollo decides he would die for him

This continues until Kristoph plays a bad hand— he intends on having Apollo defend Phoenix in the hopes that he’ll lose so he can hang the resulting verdict over Apollo’s head to manipulate him. Turnabout Trump happens and Apollo ends up back where he started, broke and with less trust in others than he had before (which is saying a lot). During his internship with Kristoph he managed to get together a tiny rainy day fund and even started to save up for top surgery, but all that money has to be used to cover rent while he’s jobless bc of the Turnabout Trump aftermath. It’s when the money finally runs out that he answers Trucy’s phone call and agrees to work for the WAA

Canon proceeds as normal, but Apollo has extra paranoia because he’s worried all the money and documents and credit that Kristoph gave him were faked. Also, Thalassa doesn't tell Trucy and Apollo about the whole Thing because part of that would be admitting the role she played in how their lives turned out and she is not quite ready to face her demons yet

[diamondshapedcat]

Unicorn HRT Diary - 1 year epilogue

One year ago I was trapped in every sense of the word. Stuck in the middle of nowhere, doing graveyard shifts, having no friends and residing in a body that felt more like a prison than a body.

Now I'm living in a city surrounded by all the wonders of life! A thriving community of animal people, opportunities I wouldn't have ever dreamed of and best of all the woman I love so so much who makes the best breakfast waffles ever!

It took a while but Comet found this cheap flat not too far from the train station where she works. Sure the noise of the night trains keeps us up sometimes but I don't care. I would choose to live in a dumpster as long as Comet was there with me. Nothing in this world is powerful enough to tear us apart and I'm so strong now that only the foolish would even dare think it now!

My Unicorn body is perfect now, Long horn with a silvery shimmer, fabulous locks to die for, Muscles huge enough to crush watermelons (A party trick Comet enjoys very much) and Hooves to keep me all grounded. In our room there's this big mirror that was one of the first things we bought for our new home. At first I wasn't sure why we needed it but I have to admit, seeing my reflection every day brings me a certain kind of euphoria that really resonates with my inner self. Comet loves it too, seeing the effects of 9 months fox juice working their magic. Is there such a thing as too floofy? If there is I don't want to know as fluffy hugs from her are the best (Then again everything from her is the best!)

Despite everything starting to settle down, the surprises keep coming. I recently got a package delivered to me from the lawyers sorting through my departed dad's stuff. I opened the door and I couldn't believe who was waiting for me on the other side. She was a bunny girl biker decked out in leathers who I had seen before a long time ago. In a different life. Somehow this bunny had appeared in my life again to give me another gift.

I think I spooked her out with the look on my face but once I explained everything she just opened up and started laughing at the serendipity of it all. Ember is her name and she runs her own motorbike courier service. It's something she started after getting turned away from too many jobs for being a bunny. I'll never forget the way she lit up when I said she was the inspiration that set me free!

The reason it had taken so long for this package to get to me was that with me changing my name and sleeping on sofas, I had dropped off the grid as far as the system was concerned. The postal service was chasing after a ghost of someone who didn't exist anymore. The package itself was just a small box containing a few photos, some legal documents, a old jacket and a letter.

''Dear (deadname)

I'm sorry for lashing out at you last night. I was drunk, I got angry and said some things without thinking them through. I attacked you at a time when you were weak and needed help. I went too far.

There's so much I don't understand and I don't want to lose you. I don't want my son to disappear and I'm scared that is what's happening right now. As a father I feel like I need to protect you from hurting yourself but if you really think this is the best path that you can take then I will do my best to support you. I'm going to make mistakes and you're going to have to be very patient with me but I want to do my best to help you. If you like maybe we could find someone to talk about this before you do something dangerous?

Dad''

That was the last thing he wrote before he died and I don't know what to feel about it. I can kinda tell he hoped to talk me out of it but a fumbled apology is still an apology even if he didn't really understand anything. Would he have made the effort to learn and support me or would he have fallen back on the twisted rhetoric of us destroying ourselves? Ever way I'll never know now. He's gone but he tried to say sorry and I guess that's the only part that really matters.

To end things on a happier note, Me and Comet were out shopping at an open air market recently and as we were packing things up I saw a cashier with this look in his eye. That look of being dissatisfied with life, looking for a way out of a invisible prison and longing for something he couldn't put his finger on. The same look that I had all those months ago.

I told him to let go of the fear and follow his dreams no matter what. He defintley perked up at that and I think I saw a little colour return to to his eyes as he started to realise what he was missing. Then a gust of wind cut through our conversation as a low flying red dragon swooped past us and I could very subtly hear the cashier whisper to themself 'I wish I could be like them'

Wonder what kind of beautiful beast he'll turn into?

END

Start/Prev

[johnny-but-emo]

SO I WAS THINKING.

It seems like a somewhat common hc that fugo doesn’t like being called “pannacotta”. And at face value, one might think it’s cus that’s like a really dumb name.

But fugo isn’t the only jojo character with a weird name ofc, not by a long shot. And he’s also not the only gw character with a food name (most of them do have food related names) but that’s obvious anyway.

What I’m getting at is, for that hc, why doesn’t he wanna be called pannacotta?

One option would be that he just doesn’t want to be called pannacotta because he doesn’t want people (the bucci gang) calling him by his first name.

Maybe it feels overly familiar? Which would be odd given the fact that they are ((at the very least in my mind)) very close.

Or, maybe he prefers it because people would talk to him condescendingly? Relatives, or other people he used to know. Being a young child (and then a teen) people are almost definitely not going to be calling him by his surname.

His family and people who know them specifically. “(Mr.) Fugo” would be only used for his father, or some other older man in his family.

So it could be that he prefers being called fugo because to him at least, it feels much more respectful?

Or it could be more that he gets to choose what people call him now.

Buuuuuuut

With that last thing in mind, how he wants to choose what people call him

I figured

Who better to refer to than #1 T girl fugo fan?

oooh, that’s a fun question :D

Okay, so, I’m gonna be offering two ideas as to why Fugo might hate being called by her first name

number one is, obviously, looking at the headcannon with the idea that she’s trans, and is using her last name as a sort of chosen name. It explains why she doesn’t like being called Pannacotta, which acts as a deadname. As for the reason she might choose to go by Fugo specifically, there’s a couple options.

The one that’s easiest for me to explain is the idea that she only realized that she was trans some point after meeting Bucciaratti, maybe before the two got to know eachother very well. At this point, it’s around 1999-2000, and transphobia is much more common, so telling him that she wants to go by a different, more feminine name might be dangerous. instead of risking that, it would be much easier to go by her last name instead. It would be an odd request, but it could be brushed off as a formality, and it’s a name that Bucciaratti already knows.

my reasoning there was kinda weird, but it took me an hour to write, so I’m moving on to idea number two.

this one is focusing more on her past. One of the first things that we can pick up from Fugo’s backstory is that she was forced to grow up incredibly fast, and wasn’t given the chance to have a proper childhood. This sort of “don’t be childish” mentally has been forced onto her for her entire life, which is where the line “Being a young child (and then a teen) people are almost definitely not going to be calling him by his surname.” comes in. Since being called by her first name is informal/not as respectful, she could’ve just started going by Fugo at some point while she was in college to seem more like an adult. She wouldn’t like being called Pannacotta because to her, it would be insulting.

This one is a fun concept because it gives the opportunity for good character development. As she slowly lets go of the idea that she has to be mature and act like an adult, she gets more comfortable going by her first name, and she gets to be happy about being allowed to act like a teenager for once.