#and half the time im like 'you can parry that????'

[foxstens]

the parry in ender lilies is a bit op wtf????

[delusionalmultifandomwriter]

Heyy, can you do a fic, where Batman and Robin are driving through Gotham, relax and talk about life, while they get something to eat? Something cosy for a chill night story?

Oneshot

words: 1220

because you didnt specify, i picked Dick as Robin for this oneshot

Note: Dick is around 13 years old, takes place somewhere during the start of YJ S1.

Dick Grayson had an awful day at school. He nearly fell asleep during history class which luckily noone noticed but still he hated it, trying to keep his eyes open when all he wanted was to sleep for a full 24 hours, after that he slept through his lunch break and froze off his toes in the cold January weather while he tried to perform in a football game.

Normally, Dick was excited when Bruce came home because it meant that he would get to either do some training or go on patrol very soon. Tonight, he was sitting on the living room floor, laying on his English exercise book on the couch table and wanted to stay inside for the rest of his life time. Or at least until the snow started to melt.

Bruce entered the house and hanged his coat to dry next to the door. He made his way into the living room were he spotted Dick laying on his textbooks. "Are you trying to do or to crush your homework?" He asked smiling. Dick huffed and buried his face deeper into his arms.

"That bad?" Bruce's tone changed into a more concerned one as he approach Dick and sat down on the couch next to the boy. Dick grumbled something inaudible into his sweater sleeve.

"Come on, you have to talk to me. You are clearly not feeling the aster." Bruce said with a half-smirk. Dick groaned and lifted his head. "Im feeling the dis-aster." He groaned. Bruce leaned foreward and took a glance at Dick's textbook. "Shakespear, i see. That definitly is a disaster. What have you got so far?" He asked.

"The 'eye of heaven' is the sun." Dick grumbled. "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day." Bruce said dramatic. "I see." "I'll just google it." Dick mumbled and buried his head back into his arms. Bruce nudged Dick playfully. "Richard Grayson, i will pretend that i didn't hear that." He scolded him playfully.

Dick giggled and sat up to nudge Bruce back. Bruce parried the attack of the boy gently. Dick sat down next to him. "Do you want to go for a ride and eat some unhealthy food?" Bruce suggested. Dick smiled widely. "Yes please." Bruce got up and waved for him to come with him. "Come on, before Alfred catches us and forces nutritional dense food on us."

Dick smiled and followed Bruce, he swiftly put on his winter boots and his jacket. Bruce also put his coat back on and they headed into the garage to get into the car. The boy sat down on the passenger seat and put his seat belt on excisted.



Dick was eating some fries when Bruce pulled back on the street. They sat in silence until now but as Bruce drove through the streets he finally broke the silence. "So, is it only Shakespear that annoyed you today or did something else happen?"

Dick shrugged as an answer. "I don't know, today was just... mid." School was boring and we had PE outside and i was tired. It was all... okay." Bruce nodded while he sipped his coke. "I see. Want to talk about it?" He offered. Dick swallowed some fries he was munching on. He shook his head. "Not really. Just forget about it." He grumbled, the lights of Gotham passed by outside as Bruce drove outside of the city.

"Are we going on patrol later?" Dick asked. Bruce leaned back into his seat, holding the steering wheel with one hand. "If you want but i wouldn't mind when you stay in tonight and catch up on some sleep." Dick nodded and shrugged. "I don't know." Bruce smiled over at him. "You can still decide when we get home, you look like you could use a night off."

Dick sighed. "Do you think i can stay Robin forever?" He asked hesitantly. Bruce was not too shocked by the question, Wonder Woman brought the topic up a few times before.

"If you want, you can stay Robin forever." He answered. Dick nodded pensive as he looked out of the window. "If you ever want to become another alter ego, you can, of course. But you can always stay my partner." Bruce added. Dick smiled down on his milkshake before he took another sip.

"But don't you even dare calling yourself 'Captain Obvious', in that case i will have to end our partnership." Dick laughed. "It was Wally's idea, i swear." He argued. Bruce shook his head unbelieving but smiled a little. "That boy is full of bad ideas. Who even brought that topic up?"

"It's just... it was M'gann. She asked what connects us. I'm sure she didn't mean it but.... yeah." Dick said, Bruce could hear the sorrow in his voice. "Because our costumes have nothing in common."

Bruce huffed. "M'gann is still learning about earth." Dick shrugged. "I always thought people would know we belong together. We complement eachother perfect." He grumbled. "That's true. Well, at least all the villains we arrested know we are a team." Dick chuckled at Bruce's response.

"Do you like the team so far?" Bruce asked curiously. Dick nodded. "Yeah, it's amazing. Im excited to go on real missions with them. Although, Superboy doesn't really like the aster." Bruce chuckled. "I think he just doesn't get it." He answered. "He is also just getting used to earth. And also to your humour."

Dick nodded smiling. "Yeah, took you a while too." Bruce pretended to gasp dramatic. "I am outraged, although, you are probably right. You were a handful when i first took you in. You still are." Bruce chuckled.

"What did you hate most about me?" Dick asked straight away. Bruce huffed. "I took you in, i loved you. Although, you leaving all your stuff around in the manor probably put some stress on Alfred." Dick laughed. "Yeah, maybe." "You still leave your shoes everywhere." Bruce teased Dick.

Dick chuckled sheepishly. "Yeah... it is so i can.. ugh... for a top secret reason." Dick said and nodded fast. Bruce laughed. "Of course it is."

"Would you adopt another kid?" Dick asked between eating more fries. Bruce looked on the street thoughtful and stole a fries from Dick before answering. "Maybe. I never thought about adopting a kid when i took you in but i didn't regret you for a second. Maybe, if it happens. Would you like a sibling?"

Dick thought about it a moment. "I don't know. I never had a sibling before, i was always the only child. I like that it is only you and me for now. Maybe one day." Bruce nodded solemnly. "Sounds good." "What did you like most about taking me in?" Dick asked curiously.

Bruce thought for a moment before he smiled to himself. "I was very fond of your 'hug attacks'." Dick laughed in response. "You haven't done that in a while, how come?" Bruce asked. "I thought i was getting too heavy for it. I could probably knock you over." He admited sheepishly.

Bruce smirked. "Nothing, can knock over The Batman." Dick nodded slowly. "So... can i do it?" He asked. "Always, even when you are taller than me." Bruce answered quickly. Dick smirked. "I will attack you when you least expect it, Bossman."

[1tsjusty0u]

I need to ask questions before i forget

ok so: ofc i could not forget this question. what does link think of sheikah tech

also impressions/interactions with purah and robbie Perhaps

AH!! honestly i dont think he really thinks much about it unless he needs it (ex robbie stuff), or zelda/purah/robbie/even impa mention things about it (like snippets of how it works or the history of it). usually the only thing that matters is “dangerous = avoid” or “helpful = get”. the only exception to this being the shrine of resurrection, which at first he didnt question at all, but once he learned of What It Was, then he was like “OH. oh i Dont like that”. the few times hes gone back in there he’ll sometimes just. sit in there. and try to discern more about it (and also more about his past self by proxy, despite not really being awake when he was put into it). the divine beasts creep him severely out at first, Especially vah naboris at first. it just walks so unnaturally…. and it walks in circles and gets closer to the mountains but then it turns away. however after he frees the champions he just. sits by them. once again either just to have a Moment or to talk to the champions. i really like this idea because it both means link can share food with them and also it can get more character revelations (maybe mipha can finally talk to sidon and her dad. WHICH BY THE WAY ITS SO SAD YUNOBO SAW DARUK BUT SIDON DIDNT SEE MIPHA. like im sure mipha did that on purpose as well as daruk but D: ). the guardians probably scared him really badly at first, and hed avoid them at all costs. i think the only time he found out you could fight them And Win would be if/when he got the guardian sheild from cherry, where it autoblocks their beams. thats how he learned he could parry them and now fighting them is Tense but also pretty easy. he doesnt like the flying ones he cant parry them. he just uses ancient arrows on them or avoids them. speaking of when doing miphas guardian fight its kind of the first time he realizes that the guardians Werent Meant to do all of this. the ones mipha fought were Designed to fight, and you could tell as they glowed orange not pink. doing the kakariko shrine also cemented this and i think he would miss that specific guardian (i dont know if it respawns on blood moons. i know the strength trial ones do but this one might not). i think he would like cores though just on the account of being rare and looking very cool. he also uses guardian weapons sometimes both on the basis of being cool and being respawnable weapons (shrine strength trials and all that jazz). speaking of the shrines he either loves them (shrines that require outside challenges like the skull lake one) or does Not like them (ones that can kill him like the spike balloon one). he saved some shrines for zelda to do (including the one in the memory, half out of spite and half out of she Did want to see. she might actually use this to get better at defending herself if it comes to that (and also studying how the guardians move and their attacks. once defeating it taking its parts and deconstructing it). this also does put into question how im making death work here (i like to think that save reloads or those little link falling off . animations? cutscenes? are like previews of what happens and then he just comes back to himself. they do Actually happen and he can Feel It but he always ends up in the position he was just before he did that (like getting off the ground after those cutscenes). those are jarring for him and he doesnt like the feeling.

i think how he sees ganon by proxy would also be interesting. ganon uses sheikah tech a Lot (the blights and his own mini shrine of resurrection). hed probably think the blights are just kind of. proxies of the divine beasts? like not questioning it at all because the aesthetic fits and all that jazz. but once he got to the castle he Would question ganons own SoR thing (and the decayed guardian attached to it). and also ganons form before he turns into the dark beast would be. Very Weird to him. he wouldnt ask zelda but hed ask impa or purah how thatd work or how he can do that and they go “he can do fucking What?”.

impressions of purah and robbie pre cal are: pretty cool but doesnt know well, and cool and weirdly nice. robbie would slightly scare him until he works with him more, and purah wouldnt scare him but hed be awkward around her as if they worked together itd probably be in silence, unless something would happen in which case link would have no idea whats happening so he’d just. go with it. minor deadpan “yay!” or “ah sorry”s. i like to think that at some point he’d have to scavenge guardian parts for purah as a debt for something (if she built the hateno lab pre cal and he told his sister about it i think purah and aryll would meet, but also purah would not want strangers really knowing about all of this. though it does bring into question how the lab would be “hidden” in the first place? post cal has the excuse of its been 100 years and people forgor but pre cal the ancient tech is super relevant. i imagine purah would simply lie to the kids to spread rumors and keep people out. but also in creating a champion and robbies diary its mentioned that the labs were built After the calamity so. shrugs. on one hand im keeping it because it gives me an excuse to have the champions visit hateno, but yeah. was the hateno lab also a lighthouse before…?). purah and link would make a slightly distant but friendly duo. its like purah would lead it but is also more self conscious at the time so if link questions something she would have trouble answering (especially if its about herself ((ex. isat loop reacting to siffrin telling them that theyre awkward and taking it personally). however getting guardian parts between the two of them would be easy and also scarily effective. neither of them care about dirt or grime and parts collecting is fun for link and simply looking inside guardians both decayed and not is fun for both of them. and once link knows How to take apart guardians/search for parts without damaging anything else hed be extremely meticulous about it. what i mean by that is that hed get extra things he didnt have to and sort it out depending on the factors. this is great for purah, because it means more data on how some parts were damaged to begin with and how she can restore them. other than that though i dont think theyd work much together. theyre just in their own little corners + purah is more friends with zelda than link. unless he collected parts for her however they would less “work together” and more “ah item collection time” and mailing it to her/just. handing it in. however robbie and link would be less distant but still in their own little corners. its the prime example of . sorry i just violently remembered pansexual introvert asexual extrovert show while typing i need a better explanation for this. guy who is the most energetic person you will ever meet vs guy who is the chillest person you will ever meet. actually while typing this i was about to say robbie would drag him into things and while thats Probably true for like. small experiments i think if link was already there purah would drag him into more dangerous ones (unless link explicitly stated he didnt want to). she Did do the anti aging rune while robbie just sat there. basically robbie would initiate a partnership and purah would deepen it through increasingly mad scientist experiments. though i think she’d test the waters in how far she could actually go with it if that makes sense. i mentioned the self consciousness but from aocs cutscenes she seems more nervous in general but that could be me. but yeah she would hesitate. and also test certain ones on herself with proper safety. robbie would basically just make link bring certain items over (“pass the wrench” type of deal) and really just talk to him. also getting distracted in the middle of talking when something Happens but talking when he can. in the senario of link collecting parts i think hed go to robbie to restore some rusted over parts because he really doesnt know who else could do that. and also robbie would know purah so itd probably be cool. and yeah things go well

long paragraph. but!! yeah they could theoretically be friends they just arent into the same things. hypothetical tumblr mutuals. otherwise theyre nice to each other and would play board games

post cal!!! suspicious until he learnt she was the actual director. then he thought she was a fun person but mostly focused on fixing the runes at the time and memory collection. he was also slightly miffed about the having to bring parts but he couldnt complain because well. Yeah Fair Enough. he likes snapping with her and would probably ask about divine beasts the most with her. at some points he both asks about the little divine beast on the ceiling. otherwise i think hed like to hang out with her he just doesnt a lot, as theres nothing really to update on with the shekiah tech or anything. he might? tell her about the forgotten temple considering the sheer amount of guardians there but i think hed have. Weird feelings about that place in general

robbie!! old cronk. he lights up the furnace first so he doesnt come to an empty lighthouse before. hes still nice and his weapons are Very Useful however he laments the rupees leaving his pocket. he does read his diary and actually feels kinda bad for robbie and purah + the tech in general. like no one knew that was going to happen and they Still felt guilty. would probably ask robbie about the lomei laybrinth guardians but also doesnt visit him a lot. he Would play uno with him though. other things: hed use both of their telescopes, ask for recipes and when he stops by he’ll make food for each of them, keeps bringing new glasses or hats for the frog statues (or makes more tiny statues), ask purah more things (can i build a mini divine beast too. whats up with the cores. how do the divine beasts work. ..do you think the champions could still be alright in there. and she can only really say that well. she really doesnt know. its possible ((but its a slim possibility))). he also goes to them for slate fixings! purah would, on one hand, want to try out wind bombing so bad, but also it looks So Dangerous. robbie would also love it and keep making bomb designs to help wind bombing (of which they explode in his face.) purah would probably just make a seperate rune for it entirely (and also make it Not hurt).

this is not part of the ask but if totk was canon he would miss everything so badly. the divine beasts would hit like a fucking Truck man. and nobody mentions it!!!!! not even purah!!! he doesnt bring it up either but it still hurts. miphas statue being moved and not realizing where it is at first hurts Even More. he feels a bit betrayed by that. he even misses the guardians. not one exists. the only one being on purahs lab. he’d go back to the castle just to find Anything on the sheikah tech. his friends are gone and barely anything remains. he’d search robbies old lab. he’d search Everywhere for them. he might even ask some constructs if theyve seen more tech like the ancient arrow tips. he cant even wind bomb he has to Build a machine that goes Slower like a Pleb . sorry just the ludonarrative dissonance in totk. the shrine of resurrection being gone would hurt so so So badly. its like none of it even happened. he never got hurt his friends never existed any memories he had didnt exist any pain or happiness never existed. once he saved zelda he would either go insane or go to robbie and ask to make a sheikah device. or ask where everything is. i think even robbie and purah would be surprised at the SoR being gone and thatd only make the feelings of hurt worse. majoras mask but termina is a mirror world of hyrule and instead of helping link cope through greif it makes everything worse on socmany levels.

[azzydoesstuff]

okay either i am having a stroke or this person has no idea what they're doing because this post is like... unreadable

"medusas"?????? what the fuck is a "medusa" that isn't even in the game

also, yes, the mindflayer is pretty easy when you're fighting it by itself but you have to consider that it will appear with other enemies at the same time, and while her projectiles are quite easy to dodge, or better, parry when the mindflayer is by itself, it often appears with other enemies that are of higher priority to kill, such as virtues or sentries, meaning that you have to go kill those while simultaneously dodging the mindflayer's attacks, and that's where the problem is

the mindflayer isn't hard to kill, it's hard to dodge.

and that becomes much more apparent when your focus has to be on something else that isn't the mindflayer's attacks

it's grounded in place during every single attack except if it's enraged.

right, when it's enraged. you know, the thing that happens when it gets to half health? also, that's not entirely true because it has this "bitch-slap" attack where it just... teleports directly behind you and swings it's arm. you have to react immediately and dash out of the way with nothing but a split second to react.

also, i'd like to point out that you're saying the cerberus is a harder enemy

Well what about cerberus, who can hit you across the map with explosives? 22 hp and 25 average damage., with potential for combos and very large sets of sweeping movements that are difficult to multitask with.

which to that i say

cannonball + whiplash the cannonball + punch the cannonball

also,

Meaning this mini boss is easier to kill than every other enemy, has easy to handle attacks, and is incredibly slow.

easier to kill than every other enemy,

incredibly slow.

Have you played this game before!?!?

Enemies in this game are anything but slow! The fuck???

even filths, the weakest enemies in the game move pretty damn fast unless you're on, like, harmless difficulty

Also, "easier to kill than every other enemy" implies that mindflayers are easier to kill than:

Filths

Strays

Schisms

Stalkers

Soldiers

Every other fodder enemy

On a lighter note, let's focus on where OP is likely having trouble. in 3-1 players may have a hard time since the opening area is greeted with the following passage:

im sorry but since when do you get to decide where i do and don't have trouble???

when i say mindflayers are hard with other enemies i'm talking about P-2 and the cybergrind

not 3-1

Assuming OP plays a very cautious, ground based build, this level starter would be HELL.

i am the direct opposite of cautious. also, what do you mean "ground based build" there aren't "builds" in this game. unless you're talking about what weapons you have equipped, in which case, i'd like to see what a "ground based" build looks like because even i don't know

Killing the first things on the ground would eliminate the ability to use said ground, as the cerberus would then force you out of your comfort zone and into the air,

cerberus is the least of my worries, thank you. the ground isn't my "comfort zone" by the way. staying in the air is pretty much the name of the game

into the air, where instead we now have to worry about the mindflayer.

you have to deal with the mindflayer regardless of your verticality. the entire "thing" of the mindflayer is that it follows you anywhere you go, that's why they had one follow you through half of P-2. the hell does this even mean???

coins are out of the question due to the difficulty of unfamiliar ground,

again, since when do you decide my skill level??? if anything, the only reason why i don't use coins more than i already do, is because i have to wait for them to recharge.

I would recommend attacking with group based attacks while forced to be in the air,

what's a "group-based" attack? you mean, like, splash damage? crowd control? aren't we dealing with 2 enemies in this hypothetical? the cerberus and the mindflayer?

focusing on the main problem enemy: the cerberus.

the cerberus is the least of my fuckin' worries i'd rather pump the mindflayer full of nails first

as soon as that is handled the player can get back into their comfort zone and handle the mindflayer as needed.

are you projecting??? i really feel like you're projecting because in my original post i said nothing about my skill level or preferences, i only described the mindflayer's mechanics and a small excerpt about their appearance in P-2. not once did i say the ground was my comfort zone, and i can handle the mindflayer in the air just fine. i've played cybergrind before.

So, railgun the cerberus (drill or medusa shot, whichever you need at the moment. )

the fact that the electric railcannon isn't an option really shows your lack of knowledge about the game

4x ultraricoshots are one of the best tools for taking out chunky enemies

Use the ricochet revolver shot, land on the ground and use a charged revolver shot, then a triple charged manual pump from the shotgun by dodging into the cerberus. This should have dodged the lasers and mindflayer, allowing you to get time to recover and counter attack.

i had a stroke reading this

it feels like you're just writing random ultrakill tech terms and hoping they make sense

Whiplash to them, triple charged shotgun charge swap to core shot gun, nailgun for a second or two, then swap to heat sink nailgun and dump the nails. By this time it should teleport, use the rail cannon to finish them off. Roughly a three second kill on violent.

same thing here. feels like random tech terms smashed together

this entire reblog makes me feel like you've never even played the game and are just reading random bits of the wiki to try and prove me wrong somehow

2/100 you get an F

Mindflayers in ultrakill are literally the pinnacle of annoying fucking enemy design

Bullshit homing projectiles that literally won't fucking go away unless you're focusing on not getting hit by them? Check!

Annoyinglgy tanky amount of health that requires at least 15 seconds to kill one alone? Check!

Teleporting to your location, requiring you to react almost immediately to avoid damage, PLUS while avoiding every other enemy in the room? CHECK!

MASSIVE FUCKING LASERS THAT DEAL WAY TOO MUCH DAMAGE!? CHECKY CHECKY CHECK CHECK

"well that's not that bad! if you're good at the game you can just kill it before everything else and try to do it quickly and you'll be fine!"

Okay but imagine a level where one of them spawns and becomes invincible, so you can't kill it and have to fight everything else while simultaneously avoiding the mindflayer's attacks, and it follows you around until you get to a certain part of the level further up, where ANOTHER ONE spawns and becomes invincible aswell, and you have to clear an entire fucking room with TWO waves of enemies while doding TWO of these fucks. and then you get to make them vulnerable and beat the shit out of them.

Also, it looks like this:

literally hell

literally fucking hell to fight

[redorich]

this is kinda an au of your hermit!tommy au but what if when phil tries to drag tommy back to dreamsmp he succeeded and everyone keeps asking tommy if he was okay after being kidnapped and he’s angry because he just found his hone and it’s being taken from him. then instead of the big battle in hermitcraft the hermits form a rescue mission to save tommy with the help of techno. hopedthat made sense lol -🎧

An admin can't respawn their people outside of their own server. The hermits know this, and invade the Dream SMP anyway, because risking their lives is worth getting Tommy back. With Technoblade on their side, they know the geography of the server, they know who will oppose them and what weapons they'll have.

Their most important fighters are the elytra squad, led by Grian. Dream’s people (soldiers, don’t lie) are stuck on the ground; at best they can take potshots at the elytra squad using riptide tridents or ender pearls. 

Next is the bow squad, led by Cub. Cub’s group is to be protected by the ground squad until the bow squad can reach the strategic locations as given to them by Technoblade. In addition to sniping the enemy, Wels will shoot the hermits with arrows tipped in healing potions. Once the snipers are in place, they’ll protect the ground fighters. Led by False, the ground squad is comprised of heavy hitters and tanks, such as Doc and Iskall.

Dream’s men don’t expect an invasion of their home turf so soon after their own successful invasion of Hermitcraft; the hermits take advantage of this. Immediately upon spawning in the Dream SMP, Grian, along with Ren and Keralis, take off into the sky. Joe stands tall and takes off running, followed by a massive pack of dogs. In the distance, they spy the imposing black prison as Dream’s men gather. The battle is on.

---

Impulse and Tango, armed to the teeth with gear all enchanted with the Vanishing Curse, are accosted immediately after they finish escorting the sniper squad to their tower. The man that’s fighting them is absolutely vicious; the black side of his face is hard to read, but the white side of his face is visibly scrunched in anger, but more obviously fear.

“Stop fighting!” Impulse says between breaths, parrying the half-enderman’s axe. “You’re a kid, you shouldn’t have to fight. Just put down your weapons.”

Tango falters, nearly tripping over his own feet. This Ranboo guy is a kid?!

Ranboo’s eyes shutter as he frowns. “Since when do you care about how young your victim is? You stole Tommy. Even if I die, I won’t stop fighting you.”

Stricken, Impulse pulls his sword swing at the last moment, slashing Ranboo across the chest in a skin-deep laceration, instead of the killing blow it would have been. With gritted teeth, Ranboo lashes out. Impulse chokes, breathing wetly as he falls heavily to one knee.

“Impy!” Tango wails, rushing to his side.

Impulse huffs, eyes already hazy. “Sorry,” he says, “I guess I failed.”

When Impulse stills, Tango puts him down on the ground gently. He stands. Even though he’s not as tall as Ranboo, he strikes an intimidating figure with a lava bucket in each hand, ready for immolation.

“Impulse died because he pitied you,” he rasps. “I won’t be so kind.”

Ranboo unconsciously takes a step back when Tango takes a step forward. Lava flies, and Ranboo screams. He tries to teleport, but Tango grabs him by the neck and drags him back into the lava. Ranboo thrashes with weapons and bare hands alike, dealing more damage to Tango than he’d care to admit. When Ranboo finally goes quiet, Tango scoops the lava back into his bucket and lays the child soldier’s corpse out on the ground next to Impulse.

Tango breathes heavily, inhaling the thick scent of blood and charred flesh as he sits down between the two bodies. He places his head in his hands and does not weep.

---

Stress clutches her sword tightly, staring down the blonde woman who’s come to confront her. Her friends had been surprised (and worried, though they tried not to show it) when she’d volunteered herself to be a part of the ground fighters’ squad. They should have known better, she thinks. Like hell am I going to sit pretty in a tower somewhere, shooting people down, when one of my friends is being held hostage. Especially Tommy.

“What do you have to say for yourself?” the blonde woman says quietly as she brandishes her axe. This must be Niki, the soft woman with a spine of steel.

“My name is Stress,” she begins. She has no clue what to say, but she’ll say it regardless. “Tommy’s told me about you. He respects you.”

“So you kidnapped him?” Niki demands.

Stress blinks rapidly, taken aback. “Kidnap ‘im? Wot?!”

Niki frowns. “Dream said you people kidnapped him, and brainwashed him into liking you. That’s why we had to get him back.”

“Yeah, well Tommy told me that Dream abused him and lied to him,” Stress says sardonically, “so forgive me if I call bullshit.”

Niki rears back, then raises her axe again. “How do I know you’re not a liar?”

Biting her lip, Stress thinks as fast as she can. This is big. “... Why do you trust Dream?”

“I don’t,” Niki says stonily.

“Do you trust Tommy?”

Niki snorts. “With my life, but not my items.”

“That’s fair,” Stress laughs, more out of nervousness than humor, before affecting a serious, scary look that she doesn’t feel in the slightest. “You’re trusting Dream’s word over Tommy’s. How is Tommy supposed to prove a negative? By saying that Tommy’s unstable, or compromised, or whatever, Dream has automatically invalidated Tommy’s arguments in his own defense.”

Niki’s spine straightens as she listens. “I want to believe you,” she says.

Stress shrugs. “Then believe me.” She holds out a hand to Niki, offering the proverbial olive branch.

The corners of Niki’s mouth quirk upward. “So, what’s the plan? I’ll follow your lead.”

---

“...So.” Dream says.

“...So.” Technoblade responds, staring him down from across the Prime Path.

“I always knew you were a filthy fucking traitor,” Dream says conversationally.

Techno shrugs. “I never pretended I wasn’t.”

Dream draws his axe; Techno uncaps a potion. The two men walk slowly toward each other, until they’re at most ten paces apart. Dream remembers the last time he was on the Prime Path, taking ten paces.

“This is for my brother, you sick son of a bitch,” Techno mutters. The two burst into action.

---

[jordannxbbs]

i started writing this in the 87th minute, but it was far too chaotic and didnt make sense. arsenal vs barcelona (0-4)

i wasnt expecting much from this game. its barcelona.

again, i really think jonas struggles with creating starting xi’s that are effective, or whoever has come up with the last few, can’t do starting line ups.

goalkeeping: manu is solely carrying us this month and shes doing it flawlessly. shes really putting her life on the line every game (literally with some of the saves today) and you can see why shes jonas’ number one gk. for sunday, give manu a break and give lydstheaussie some game time pls shes an icon.

backline: although the scoreline does not reflect this, and i think i will get attacked for saying this, i think the backline was better than sundays. jens passing abilities are still lacking and are still often where we concede, this is barcelona we cant do that. although, some of her blocks today were successful and key so brownie points for her. steph impressed me today, but honestly she never impresses me so she wasnt outstanding. i felt towards the end of the game, she pushed further up the pitch when we were in possession meaning we had more passing options rather than just beth, kim, katie and mana. katie was fine as per usual, really missed her in that position in the ch*lsea game so glad to see her there again. in the first half an hour, keets really impressed me, although i did not appreciate her trying to play as a defender and on the wing, it wasnt effective or clever today. looking ahead to sunday, it should in theory be easier for us, so i would like anna patten please jonas and lia and simone and katie to be the back four just to be chaotic and sophisticated at the same time. cause we deserve a laugh after the week we’ve had.

midfield: the only issues i have is frida but she wasn’t terrible she just wasn’t jordan or kim or mana. i know she’s not meant to be but i liked the spice jordan had in the first half. jonas and jordan arguing made my day clearly we should listen to her. it was probably jonas’ idea not to use blu as the sausage dog in the advert.. cause who was that dog and where was our icon blu nobbs. jordan’s almost goal would have been amazing, and im really upset it just missed. i think it would have been a perfect “f u” to the decisions made on sunday. kim was on form as usual but a little quiet sometimes. didnt really mind though. sometimes i feel the game is lost in the midfield but today i didnt feel that. we lost the game because it was barcelona. mana was key as soon as she came on, understanding the assignment exactly as per usual. and lia was eh, not special, apart from when she really tried to keep that goal out, she could have done better, could have done worse. love how she came on and got booked for no reason. as for sunday, mana, jordan, kim. thats all

frontline: poor beth. one of the last tackles on her was a red no arguments, but it is what it is. i did not appreciate the constant bashing of beth, they clearly knew she was a threat. she should be rested on sunday, we need her to rest shes key for hoffenheim. caitlin was good for a bit, better defensively than attacking wise, glad they ended up putting her up front. had her on the edge of the 18 yard rather than down the sides of the 6 yard. the possible chance she missed honestly wasnt her fault, it was a bad ball by parris and i think she should have been given that foul when she got taken down at some point, it looked to me pretty bad at least. viv was uneventful, but shes still a goat so eh, when she did drop down she got a few headers that got it back up but it went straight barcelona as per usual. loved how lisa came to watch, shes the sweetest human.

ref wasn’t great today in aspects, but what can you do.

i dont agree with many things jonas does nowadays, but im hoping next year we can turn a new leaf ie. leah returns and all will be right in the world. “jordan will be key” play her more than 60 minutes then.

ive been writing this for 45 minutes i need to get a grip

[zecoritheweirdone]

Time for episode 2 of "(insert name of choice between mimi, teru or rumi) talks about what happens when he plays underhero ask of the unspecified amount of time" (moth queen to gregory)

-Im gonna be honest, the mansion was...not very fun. That REALLY bothers me bc i love haunted house levels a lot of the time, but tbh this was more annoying than fun

-Enemies were just really annoying, the shields were a massive pain because the enemies they're on NEVER STOP MOVING, and i didnt even KNOW how to beat the blowy enemies so i just kinda payed my way through half of the battles

-The puzzles were alright-ish? I did like that one area in the treasure maze where you had to go through the same door you just left to get to the treasure

-Always good to see puzzleman :)

-Im very mixed on the grey kid fight, i like how fast it os but it can feel mildly unfair?

-shoutout to the party ghosts

-Tbh after using my hood so much in world 1, not being allowed to use it outside here just felt.... weird.

-the ice skating scene was fun!

-For all of this level's shortcomings, the fight against greg was straight up PERFECTION. It's easily my favorite fight so far! I was so scared that the fight was gonna be a joke when i was fighting phase 1, but phase 2 and 3 made up for it in spades.

-Im really interested in how liz and greg might be connected :o

-handy is the guy ever

So i guess this chapter had its ups and downs for me. Overall solid, tho

tip for beating the blowy enemies,,, i know you’re already past that, but in case anybody else needs it and happens to see this: throw a slingshot pellet into their mouths when they’re sucking in your stamina,, they’ll go to sleep, and will be a one kit ko!

agreed, handy is the guy ever.

honestly,, these complains are pretty valid,, dkdmdkdmk. i had so much trouble with the spiders,, they are.. very scary. especially when you end up having to fight three at once. honestly, parrying really was my only saving grace, then,,, skdmkddmod.

[lulu-nightbon]

~13 hits to stagger, i use unbreakable strength, quickslash, and shaman's stone, plus other charms that i think'll help to fill out my 11 charm notches (if you're thinking of using soul catcher, just use soul twister. spare yourself.)

USE YOUR SOUND CUES, HEADPHONES MAY HELP. you'll hear whispering a split second before he attacks if he plans to throw swords at you. always do at least a hop pre-emptively if he's off-screen. i dash through the swords to get in a hit before running away (i should really just pogo instead in case he attacks, especially if he goes to parry since shade cloak won't be back in time). if he jumps/teleports to down-spell, dash out of the way if you need to and jump, the swords are easier to avoid in the air. his base attack will either be a dash or three swings, you can only shade cloak through the dash. pogoing does more damage anyway.

at 50% health he'll add in focus- you can ddark next to him to i-frame through the attack OR dash out of the way and sling a few fireballs at him (be careful of the extra circles, their positions seem semi-random and he'll start attacking halfway through the focus attack. he doesn't actually regain health to my knowledge at least so dont worry)

at 25% health, he'll add the void tendril attack. jump out of the way (it has a shadowy audio cue- you've been to the abyss you know what i mean) and dash/double jump towards him as needed, then either pogo or ddark (i prefer ddark). im still shit at the fight and can't start with low health half the time, and p4 kicks my ass before i reach it, what with lost kin's inconsistent damage amounts and having only 4 masks with the shell binding instead of five, but if i can beat him on ascended you can beat him too. DO NOT OVERCHARM UNLESS YOU'RE FIGHTING HIM ON RADIANT, IT'S NOT WORTH IT, SAME FOR MARKOTH.

when he's staggered you can only get off one heal. i can sometimes get off two if im fighting him on attuned and rng is nice to me. you can also get off a heal if you dash out of the focus and get lucky with the extra circle positions.

IF/WHEN FIGHTING HIM IN P5, DO NOT HEAL AFTER BEATING HIM. THE TRANSITION TO ABSRAD FULLY HEALS YOU ANYWAY, AND YOU'LL WANT AS MUCH SOUL AS POSSIBLE TO FIGHT HER.

hopes this helps, if not, take to youtube like i did

Made the Hunter!

Isn't a lego monkey kid picrew but It works!

The picrew

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

His Dark Materials - Season 2 Episode 5 (rambles)

I only realized last week, there’s only 7 episodes this series because the eighth would have been the Asriel centric one. So only two left now after tonight! :(

Also I finished the book during the last week so I am so READY

Ahh gotta love that London traffic!

I don’t know why but the Golden Monkey wearing a seatbelt SENT ME

Mrs Coulter is watching the mother and baby :(

Boreal saying that our world is barbaric and our world is corrupt is so accurate tbh I’m not even mad

Will literally just threw the knife into the wall omfg watch it!

Red PAN-da is becoming a permanent fixture in this show apparently

Lyra’s hair was so pretty this episode? Her costume too obviously but her hair had me in awe

The theme music to this show gives me literal chills

Boreal is evil but his house is A-fucking-plus

Okay but how does Ruth Wilson always look so gorgeous and fluid in this show?!?

Her faking nearly dropping one of Boreal’s precious collection pieces and him panicking 😅

Mrs Coulter’s little “hmm” and smile... we love a Queen

“Why are we whispering?” “I don’t know” - LMFAO

“Will, you left the window open” - LMAO and also please don’t do that, that’s like one of the BIG rules about the knife!

“He’s getting good at this” “he is” - we love a supportive feral wild girl and her dæmon

Mrs Coulter looking bored as fuck as Boreal plays his music is such a damn mood

“You’d like it here too” - Umm NO STOP PLEASE SHE DOESNT WANT IT

“Carlo, can you make that stop?” - OMG 🤣

“You’re far too conspicuous like that” - but she’s not??? She just looks like a posh well dressed woman, maybe that’s not common in this world but she looks fine??

Boreal picking out clothes he’s obviously got just for her is... eww. Just ewww.

Her reaction to the jeans/clothes though XD

“Would you mind?” - YEAH BOREAL STOP CREEPING AND FUCK OFF PLEASE

“Maybe it’s time we issue a firm denial of the tear in the sky” BRO IT’S LITERALLY HUGE AND RIGHT THERE YOU CAN’T PRETEND IT AIN’T

Oh shit the Magisterium know about that witches going to the new world + the massacre

MacPhail literally imprisoned Father Graves and for WHAT?! I think the power’s getting to him (which I know it the point but still!)

MRS COULTER SHUT THE DOOR ON HER DÆMON I’M-

Okay so I know it’s been implied/said that Mrs Coulter can go far away from the monkey already, and that they maybe have been through some kind of process that’s made that a thing, but like DAMN.

“I’m sure you’ve encountered witches in your travels” - if I hadn’t already read the books, I would be asking if she IS a witch tbh like omg

This is probably one of the few times I’ll say this but... I feel so sorry for the monkey?? Just him watching her as she leaves from the window... like that’s so sad. I get why she couldn’t exactly walk around with a monkey but urgh

“I apologize if she was a nuisance” “She wasn’t a nuisance!” - Oof you tell her, Mary

“You must be so proud.” “... I am.” - OOF

Mary showing that she’s better fit to be a parent to Lyra than Lyra’s real mother tbh

Damn Marisa disappeared FAST

Mary really googled Mrs Coulter I’m-

“You must play the serpent” “hornbeam” “save the girl and the boy” - IT’S HAPPENING IM GOING TO CRY IM SO EXCITED

The computer turning completely off and the room going dark before going red OH MY GOD

“Oh shut it, Pan” - LMAO

OH NO OH NO ANGELICA FOUND TULLIO AND SHE IS PISSED D:

A+ acting from Bella Ramsay by the way

“We WILL get you” - OH SHIT

The fact that Will feels guilty over fighting and inadvertently getting Tullio attacked by spectres because he has the knife :’(

It’s so sweet to see Lyra and Pan comforting him though

“I’m not judging” - Mary’s sister says while totally judging her for reading the Holy Bible. She probably thinks she’s about to rejoin the convent!

I find the relationship between Marisa and the monkey so interesting?? I’m so intrigued by it

“Do they drink in this world?” “That, they do well.” - LMFAO ACCURATE THOUGH

“I found her arrogant, like many women in this world.” - umm, FUCK you, Boreal you misogynistic sexist piece of shit

So Mrs Coulter was denied a doctorate despite being the best in her class because she’s a woman, and they would only have published her papers if they were by a man. I’m starting to see why she got upset when she met Mary, who’s got her own office and a doctorate and is head of the department/project

“Who I could have been in this world” - oh shIT

The way she started talking about how she felt after the whole affair/baby ordeal, followed by “we’re not talking about Asriel, we’re talking about ME” - FUCK. I love Ruth Wilson’s portrayal, I love it

“You’ve spent your time trading trinkets” - lmfao you tell him ma’am

“Were you hoping to add me to your little collection?” “I was hoping this would be a life for you here” - oh god I hate it, fuck right off Carlo

“If you got me, you wouldn’t even begin to know what to do with me” - oh SHIT :O

Lyra turning up to distract them so Will could have the chance to cut a window and steal the Alethiometer had me on the edge of my seat

Let’s be real right now, the whole last 15 minutes? THE MOST TENSE AND INCREDIBLE PIECE OF TELEVISION ASDFGHJKL

Mrs Coulter’s face when she saw Lyra at the door :’(

Also she nearly saw Will and I was sitting there praying she wouldn’t find him, I was so worried even though I’ve literally just reread the book

So um THE FUCKING MONKEY BASTARD JUMPSCARED ME AND I AUDIBLY YELLED SO LOUDLY HOLY HECK

The way that Lyra saw her mum and immediately tried to run away though, she just keeps trying to yeet herself away from her parents and I honestly don’t blame her at all

Boreal was being truly extra in the way he dropped his snake dæmon out of his sleeve like that whilst advancing on Will

“Why would I trust you?” TRUTH

Coulter saying for Lyra to stay away from Will and getting super teary eyed makes me think she’s worried Lyra will suffer like she did? Like she’s worried that Lyra will suffer at the hands of men and be in the same situation she was I think? And that’s so sad but nuanced

“I am NOTHING like you.”

So Lyra did this little head move like Marisa did in 1x02, when she made the monkey attack Pan to subdue Lyra - AND THEN PAN ATTACKED THE MONKEY JUST LIKE THAT, LITERALLY EXACTLY THE SAME, AND MRS COULTER FALLING TO THE FLOOR AND CLUTCHING THE SOFA LIKE LYRA DID?? AND LYRA WATCHING WITH THIS COLD LOOK ON HER FACE?!

SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE A COMPARISON GIFSET BECAUSE IM CRYING

I love Will getting mad at Boreal taunting him over his mum, and immediately starting to punch him

HE SMASHED THAT COLLECTION PIECE ON BOREAL’S HEAD FUCK YEAH WILL 👏🏻

That was a DAMN close escape, holy fuck, but she’s got the Alethiometer back!

“The man who hurt you, I wanted to kill him” - same Lyra

I was so emotional when she was talking about how Marisa used her dæmon to hurt her and Pan, and Will saying that he’s never worried about his mum hurting him... the comparison is so sad

“I hope I’m not like either of my parents” - I mean I don’t blame her tbh

SHE CONSIDERED MA COSTA AND LEE SCORESBY TO BE BETTER PARENT FIGURES TO BE LIKE I’M CRYING

So Mrs Coulter is definitely planning some shit, like she didn’t seem that concerned when Boreal was talking about the Spectres, and like obviously I know what happens but I’ve always been intrigued as to why the Spectres listen to her instead of just attacking her. Also is it something to do with her dæmon? Like if they ARE separated in some way, maybe the Spectres don’t feed on her because it’s Dust or something? (Idk if that makes any sense)

“Deceive the guardian... okay... okay...” honestly same XD

Mary pretending to be Mrs Coulter to get past the guard is such a brilliant idea, like she just ran with it immediately, we have to stan a Queen who keeps a calm head

SHE WENT THROUGH THE WINDOW AND INTO THE CITY AAAAHHHH

The angels said they’d protect her, right? So she doesn’t need to fear the Spectres I’m assuming (I need to assume or I’ll worry)

The promo for next week was literally half what we saw THIS week and half Lee/John Parry footage I’m assuming is next week... ?

The fact there’s only two episodes left makes me so sad :( I have no idea what I’ll do waiting for the final series - and I’m assuming it’ll be delayed maybe because of Covid. Plus I’m hoping we get the extra episode NEXT series, the one that was Asriel-centred and supposed to be in this one but wasn’t filmed because of Coronavirus, so fingers crossed! 🤞

[thiswasinevitableid]

For mermay, could you do 11 for sternclay? sfw please :) I love your prompt fills!

Thank you so much! Here you go. The prompt was “royalty” and I based Barclay on a basking shark and Joseph on a mimic octopus.

For the last two weeks, Joseph has been hearing what a difficult assignment he’s taken, and how most bodyguards wouldn’t take it even with the handsome pay. That the princes of Sylvain are impossible to guard, that they’ve gone through more security staff than sharks go through teeth (this part he knows to be true from the records he’s found). 

Two days in, he’s starting to wonder if there’s been some sort of mistake. 

Now, had he received Duck’s assignment, he’d understand the warnings. Prince Indrid, seer to the court of Sylvain, has already shown himself to be a strange mixture of aloof, demanding, and spoiled.

But Prince Barclay?

When Joseph was shown into his chambers and introduced, the instant the servants left Barclay swam over to him with a nervous smile. He asked if there was anything he could get him, was he hungry, would he like something to drink? Joseph accepted that last offer, curious to see how the prince would react if called upon to perform hospitality rather than simply offer it. 

What happened was Barclay swam into an anteroom and came back with a carved coral platter with mother of pearl pitcher and goblets, pouring Joseph’s first before taking a glass for himself. 

That set the tone for his behavior, and it hasn’t changed in the week since he’s arrived. The prince, charcoal tailed and a little shy, seems to view Joseph as just another mer to talk to. When in the castle, Barclay will ask him his thoughts on the historical and political scrolls his tutors assign him as part of his preparation to one day inherit the kingdom. Out in public, Joseph shifts into the background, watches everything with care while the prince swims behind his parents or, more often, their advisors. 

“Do you think there was some kind of misunderstanding with his previous guard?” Joseph asks Duck over a late night dinner in the hall, which allows them to keep their eyes on their charges rooms. 

“I mean, he seems like a nice enough fella to me. But nice fellas can still be sneaky; from what Ned told me, Barclay’s an escape artist. Think he might be lurin you into a false sense of security.”

“And I think trusting what Ned Chicane tells you is a terrible way to gather intel.”

Movement from Indrid’s room and Duck stiffens, listening, then relaxes.

“Shouldn’t you go check on that?”

“Nah, he’s just pacin, does that a lot, especially at night.”

“He really should get some sleep.”

Duck shrugs, “He should. But treatin him like a child is the wrong way to go. He knows he oughta rest, my remindin him will just annoy him. Besides,” Duck raises an eyebrow, “maybe you better be more focused on your prince.”

“He turned in an hour ago.”

“You sure?”

Something in Duck’s voice sends worry bubbling through his guts, “I’ll check now, just to be positive.”

The bed is empty, the prince nowhere to be found. 

“Shit!” He darts back into the dim hallway, “he’s gone, I’ve got to find him and fast. How, how in name of the deep did you know?”

“Call it a hunch. Indrid likes to play the ‘I know somethin you don’t’ game, but if I let ‘im play it long enough, he let’s somethin important slip out.”

“Shit” Joseph says again, “I, if anyone asks-” 

“I’ll say I ain’t seen you or Barclay since dinner. Ain’t a lie.” Duck winks and Joseph flashes him a quick smile before swimming back into the prince’s rooms. There’s only one door and no secret passageways, (he checked for those himself), so the windows it is. His tentacles can sense Barclay’s trail, faint but unmistakable, and he follows it until he’s almost at the shore. Then it’s gone. 

He spends the next three hours feverishly tracing and retracing his path and keeping his panic to a minimum. When he spies a figure swimming towards him, he backs against a rock, planning to hide until they pass. 

This plan changes the instant he registers who it is. 

“Gaahfuck” Barclay catches his yell quickly and muffles it down to a hiss, “what the hell Joseph, you scared me.”

“And you just made me spend three hours swimming around and wondering if my charge had been abducted. I’d say that makes us even.”

“Didn’t make you do anything.” Barclay grumbles as Joseph turns them towards the palace. 

He sighs, “No, I guess technically you didn’t. But I take my job very, very seriously. If this past week hasn’t demonstrated that sufficiently, maybe tonight has. When you disappear into the night, it’s my duty to follow.” He catches brown eyes studying him warily and adds, “I’m not doing it to be punitive or steal your freedom, or even because their majesties told me to; I’m doing it because you’re under my protection.”

The prince nods but says nothing else until they return to his rooms. 

“Joseph? I’m uh, I’m sorry. For scaring you. You got farther than anyone else did, none of them ever tracked me that well, if they noticed I was gone at all. I figured you wouldn’t notice, so you wouldn’t worry. So, yeah. I’m sorry.” 

Joseph knows a false apology when he hears it, and this is as far from one as a desert is from the deep sea. 

“Apology accepted, my prince. But Barclay” he levels the other mer with a stern gaze, tries not to notice his cheeks tinging pink the longer he holds it, “don’t do it again.”

-----------------------------------------------------

“Are you certain we cannot trade?” Indrid’s fin ripples with agitation as he draws. 

“Nope, Joseph is a good bodyguard.”

“And your crush on him is not governing your answer in the slightest?” Indrid smirks but doesn’t look up. 

“No idea what you’re talking about. Besides, Duck seems nice.” Barclay stretches his other arm, then pauses, “wait, fuck, is he hurting you or something?”

“No. On the contrary, he is annoyingly concerned with my wellbeing.”

“That’s his job.”

“It was the job of all his predecessors as well, but all it took was ordering them around or demanding things in the right tone before they were letting me do as I pleased. I wanted to go to that bar on the edge of town last night and do you know what he did? He told me no, because word had gotten around that it was a spot I frequented and someone there might try to take me hostage.”

“...And?”

“And, and then when I tried to leave anyway he blocked the door with that blasted muscular tail and obnoxiously charming face and wouldn’t move! Then he told me he would if I looked at the future told him we’d both be safe if we went. It turns out he was right, the chances of violence were high.”

“I mean, you don’t like places that loud anyway-”

“It’s the principle of the thing.” Indrid sighs, “so we stayed in and I made him read to me as penance but he was very good at it and I fell asleep within a half hour.”

Barclay is trying hard not to laugh, only because he knows how hard it is for his brother to admit such things. And because, given what else he knows of Duck, the mer might be exactly what his brother needs. If nothing else, Barclay hopes Duck might be observant enough to notice what’s there, not just what his brother tries to toss up like so much sand in hopes of obscuring the truth. 

Indrid goes back to his drawings. Barclay can remember the first time their ministers caught Indrid capturing the futures this way and scolded him, saying the futures to look at were only those the court asked him to, nothing else. Indrid had explained, in a number of different ways, that this was how he could keep the images from overwhelming him, but still they insisted he stop. It wasn’t until he drew on his status and threw a near fit that they relented. That was a lesson he never forgot. 

Barclay hopes todays lessons will be more enjoyable. One of the jobs of a royal bodyguard is to train the princes in self-defense. When Joseph and Duck enter the gym through kelp curtains, Barclay can’t help but be mesmerized by the poise with which his tentacles move across the ground. 

“Good morning, your highness. And to you as well, your highness.” Joseph bows to them each in turn, “Barclay, today you and I will be working with swords while Duck and Prince Indrid work on hand to hand combat.”

“What?” Indrid looks up, red eyes wide, “Barclay is the one who trains hand to hand, not me.”

“Which is exactly why we gotta mix things up. You need all the modes of defense you can get. Unless of course you’re, uh, afraid you can’t take me.” Duck raises an eyebrow at Indrid. 

His brother says nothing, simply grabs his bodyguard and pulls him towards the designated room, calling, “I’ll see you after lunch!”

He and Joseph trade an amused look, then swim to the shelf of blunted training weapons. They’re still bone or sharks tooth, but they’ve been sanded down so no one can get hurt. 

“Now, you mentioned you’ve done some sword work, so am I right that you know how to hold this safely?”

“Yep.” Barclay takes the sword, swimming over to one of the Xs on the floor. 

“Good. To keep things fair for now, I won’t use my tentacles for anything other than swimming.” Joseph takes his position on the opposite X and lifts his sword, “ready?”

Barclay nods and then immediately parries as Joseph lunges with a burst of speed. He recovers quickly, and they begin an elegant back and forth, bubbles and stray sand swirling through the air as they spin and dodge around one another. Joseph keeps up a steady stream of commentary, either positive or instructive, and Barclay is having a hard time ignoring the the thrill he gets every time Joseph pulls off a graceful maneuver. 

When they break, both a little winded, there’s a crash from the next room. 

“Fuck! You okay, your highness?” Duck sounds concerned. 

“Yes, now try that again, I am going to get this right.” 

Joseph glances at him, “Should we-”

“Nah. He kinda sounds like he’s enjoying himself.”

The other mer studies him, “Are you?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Then I’m going to ask you to stop holding back. I can’t train you effectively if I don’t know what your skill level actually is.”

He’s learned not to insist Joseph is mis-observing things when he’s actually observing them perfectly; the other mer is too sharp for that. 

“I...I just don’t want to hurt you.”

Joseph swims close, sets a hand on his shoulder, “For starters, these are fake swords, and I’m not a bad fighter. But more than that, I suspect there’s a very impressive swordsman under those scales.”

They take their positions and when Joseph gives the signal Barclay attacks with all the force his tail can muster. Joseph dodges easily but makes an approving noise. Then he grins, the expression downright rakish, and attacks with such precision and speed that Barclay barely manages to counter him. 

His focus narrows down to the fight, to watching Joseph’s body for every sign of movement, every twitch of muscle and tentacle. Finally, he sees his opening and drives the other mer backwards until he’s trapped, back to the rocky grey wall. 

“Well” Barclay pants, images of finishing the fight with a kiss banging about his mind, “what do you think of that, Joseph?”

Two tentacles rise, plucking both swords from their fighters hands as his bodyguard murmurs, “I’m impressed.”

-------------------------------------------------------

It’s been a month and a half since Barclay slipped out of his room, and while he’s tried twice more, Joseph has been ready each time. Tonight, however, he’s opting for a new strategy.

He bids the prince goodnight, well aware he’ll swim out the window around moonrise. Then he waits just across from the window, skin and tentacles camouflaged with the rocks. Right on time, Barclay emerges, swimming quickly and quietly towards the shore. Joseph follows at a safe distance, forces himself to focus on the prince’s likely path rather than on how handsome he looks in the moonlight. 

When they reach the shallows Barclay pauses, slips a woven bracelet onto his wrist, and kicks towards the surface. 

Who in the name of the wide ocean gave him legs?

Joseph’s physiology allows him to crawl across the tidepools, keeping his eyes on Barclay as the prince retrieves a set of clothes hidden behind a rock and walks into the small town of Kepler, turning towards a restaurant on the pier. 

Someone had to enchant that bracelet for him, has to know where he’s going while using it. And that someone has to be a mer he trusts. 

------------------------------------------------------

“Yes. I made him the bracelet. What of it?” Indrid says coolly. 

“Indrid, do you have any idea how dangerous that is?” Joseph throws his arms and several tentacles in the air. 

“Hold up” Duck turns to his prince, “Indrid, I’m guessin Barclay probably asked for a reason, right?”

“Indeed, but if I say what it was, you will reveal it to our parents and ministers and take it away from him.”

“I won’t. I promise. I, I just want to help.”

Indrid narrows his eyes. Then, remarkably, he turns to Duck and cocks his head. Duck nods. 

“Very well. And yes, I will grant you that favor you’re about to ask for��”

----------------------------------------------------------

How do humans manage with these things? His tentacles tell him so much more than these useless feet do. 

Joseph makes his wobbly way into Kepler, following Barclay’s trail down the pier, the one he’s walked the last two weeks while Joseph intermittently clung to the nearby wooden supports or fencing to make sure his prince wasn’t in danger. 

Even with Indrid’s explanation, the room he enters is a surprise. Several counters with what he knows humans call “stoves” sitting on them, each manned by one or two people. 

“Hello there” An affable older man in a multi-colored shirt approaches him, “you here for the class?”

“Yes.”

“Great! Hmmm, since you’re new, better pair you with someone, just to be safe. Follow me.”

Joseph isn’t afraid of much. But when he sees who the man intends to pair him with, he almost jumps out the window and flees back to the sea.

“You’re in luck, gonna pair you with my best student. Barclay, this is…”

“Joseph”

“Joseph’s first class with us, so I’m handin him over to you. Make me proud.”

Barclay isn’t blinking, but he manages to say, “sure thing, Thacker.” 

The older man nods, pleased, and makes his way towards the kitchen set-up at the front of the room, greeting people as he goes. 

“What the fuck, Joseph?” Barclay keeps his voice low, “did Janelle give you legs just so you could come drag me out of class?”

“No, no not at all. Indrid did this.”

“What?”

Joseph takes a deep breath, “Barclay, I told you that first week that I’m here to protect you. The way I see it, I’ll do a much better job if I come with you to something that clearly matters to you, rather than force you to hide it from me. No one knows about this but Indrid and Duck.”

Barclay seems stunned, doesn’t say anything as Thacker opens the class and instructs them on how to make something called “marinara” to go on “pasta.” The prince stays silent until they’re working on the cookies the human is also having them make.

“Here, it’s easier to cut them out like this.” He sets his hand atop Joseph’s, pressing and shaking it so the dough comes away from the stone slab in the shape of a heart. 

“Thank you.”

Barclay smiles at him, and the kitchen grows hotter. 

When everything is done cooking, they sit on stools at their station, eating the fruits of their labor. Barclay is animatedly describing the pie they made last week, occasionally stopping to chat with some of the other students. He looks so happy, and Joseph decides he will not tell their majesties about this even if they torture him. Or fire him. 

As they walk back along the beach, Barclay explaining all the things he’s learned about cooking and how much he wishes they’d let him cook at the palace rather than insist it’s beneath his station, the prince takes his hand.

“Humans do this when they’re waling on the beach together. I think it’s to keep them from getting separated if they get hit by a wave.

Joseph is pretty sure that’s not the reason, but he’s not about to say so now. 

They dive back under the waves, removing their charms and swimming side by side in the dark water. Once they’re safely inside, Barclay turns to him, beaming, “Thank you so much for coming.”

“Even if I wasn’t invited?”

“Yeah. It, uh, it means a lot to me that you wanna learn about the stuff that matters to me. That you wanna know the real me.”

“Of course I do.”

Barclay swims dangerously close, “You, uh, do you wanna know another part?”

He nods. Barclay leans in and presses their lips together. Joseph manages to keep his hands himself, but his tentacles have other ideas, curling protectively around the prince’s tail and waist. The instant Barclay pulls back with the most adorable sigh in the sea, Joseph forces them to return to their normal position. 

The prince gives him a final, shy smile and whispers, “‘Night, Joseph. And thanks for everything.”

[serararku]

A Modest Proposal

Back straight. Eyes down. Book open.

Mizuna spent the first half of her shift a hair's breadth away from the overnight beds. K'vyna was able to eat solid food despite her broken ribs and collarbone, but Mizuna didn't want her moving around until she was absolutely certain her bones were healing correctly, especially with that shattered leg; otherwise it would be up to her to break them again to start the healing process anew. Dawn could sit up and hold a conversation at least, yet getting used to her two foreign eyes will certainly be a challenge, especially with one of them with the signature Auri limbal ring. That cerulean eye staring back at her was unsettling. Mizuna felt like two strangers were looking at her when Dawn met her gaze, but she would never tell her that; she’s been through enough, and adding to her insecurities would help no one. Nijah always stayed longer than the allotted time for visits, but Mizuna always let it slide- Dawn needed someone to talk to. Speaking of which, even Osric himself checked in to pay her a visit once. With luck they could close the rift between them sooner than later.

While K’vyna was broken physically, Dawn was broken emotionally. It pained Mizuna to see them both in such shattered states… yet they remained better off than Conobharo.

The Lalafell had his arm severed right across the ball-socket joint, and it was not with him when he arrived to the clinic. The  blood loss made him lethargic for the first few days, but after enough rest he could talk and move around on his own- at least until he was struck with phantom pain in his missing limb. With just a pinch of nightshade essence and a tonze of gloomroot, Mizuna had Conobharo's head swimming in anesthetics and bedridden until the agony would pass. Worse still, he was still struggling to accept the fact that he was now handicapped, and it was taking its toll on him, both physically and psychologically. She was convinced he could kiss the mercenary life behind; how could he survive out there with only one hand? Surely he couldn't swing that heavy sword now. Perhaps he could find fulfillment in helping around the clinic? Khair and Mizuna could certainly use the help, plus his sense of humor would always be a welcome diversion.

She kept a monitor on their vitals with her so she could rush to their aid at a moment's notice, even during her smoke breaks; dark circles sagged from her eyes while she read, unwilling to rest until her shift was over. Dawn, K'vyna and Conobharo were all counting on her for a safe and swift recovery… yet some would recover sooner than others. And one may never truly recover at all.

Boom!

There it was again, easily the queerest thunder she had ever heard. There were no windows in the main lobby of the clinic so looking to see the storm clouds herself required more effort than tilting her head. The weather report made no mention of a shower, but Thanalan was infamous for its sudden storms; she was almost ready to return to her book and continue reading Life as an Amputee: A Beginner’s Course before she was rudely interrupted again. Boom! “That does it.” She muttered to herself, rising to her feet. The magitek device keeping tabs on their vitals was wireless and mobile at least, allowing Mizuna to pluck it off the table and carry it with her- and carry it she did, all the way straight to the front door.

She was greeted with the blazing glare of the Thanalan midafternoon sun: no rain, clouds, or thunder. K’thalen appeared next once her eyes began to adjust, his back turned and smoke rising from the barrel of his rifle. He stood alone in the center of the courtyard, or so she first thought; S’era appeared atop the arch over the entrance to the estate with her katana drawn. “What’s going on out here?”

“Ah- heya Doc.” K’thalen turned an ear toward the woman but kept his gaze focused on S’era. “Gigglefits over yonder claimed Hadriel is the greatest swordsman in the world. So I tell’r; what good is all that skill when a drunkard with a clear shot can kill ‘im? So she says he can deflect bullets. I told her there ain’t no way he can move that fast, and even if he could, he can’t parry a barrage, yeah? So now she claims anyone with enough practice can deflect a bullet, so…” He raised his rifle and fired. BOOM! Mizuna flinched at how loud his boomstick bellowed. She glanced up frantically to see S’era wave her sword in the air, then stomp her feet and curse under her breath. “See? If I was aimin’ center mass n’not over your shoulder you’d be dead, darlin’!”

“I just need a few more bells of practice!” She insisted, preparing herself for another attempt. “Do it again!”

"This is incredibly dangerous, reckless, and irresponsible." Mizuna scowled, feeling that dreadful sound ringing in her hollow horns. "You both should stop before someone reports suspicious gunfire in the Goblet."

K'thalen couldn't argue with that; he was already on their watch list for public intoxication and disturbing the peace. "Aye, she'll never be able to deflect 'em anyroad. Come on down, Era, before you fall off n'break your ankle. Goddess knows the Doc's gotter hands full already." A groan slipped from the Samurai before she hopped down, still certain such a feat could be possible. Mizuna, content with handling this situation swiftly, checked the vitals one last time before she turned on her heel to flee this muggy heat.

She didn’t make it ten paces before S’era came trotting in behind her. “Oh Doctor Kusakari? Can I ask you something? I know this probably isn’t a good time, but I need a huge favor…”

Mizuna glanced down at the vitals again before giving the woman a warm yet faint smile. “What’s the matter?” Just as she finished speaking, K’thalen came strolling in as well, with one hand holding his rifle upright, and the other clasped around his old flask.

How could she tell her? How could she convince this woman- who on all accounts was practically a stranger- to risk her life to help people she couldn’t possibly be invested in. Risking her own life in Mor Dhona with friends willingly volunteering to help was one thing, but now she was older, fairly wiser, and far less willing to act on emotions alone. It was a big request, but it was better for Mizuna or Khair to come along than Dawn, especially in her state.

“S’era?” Mizuna repeated, snapping her out of her daze. “What’s wrong?”

“Ah… I… well you see…”

“Is this a medical question?” The Raen woman asked, glancing over at K’thalen who was busy chugging more liquor. “Should we go somewhere private to talk?”

“No, it’s not a personal-...” S’era began wringing her hands before she took in a deep breath and stood up straight. “My tribe… the Zu Tribe, needs help. I need a medical professional and I don’t know Dr. Himaa at all, so…”

At last K’thalen made a noise as he coughed and choked on his drink. “Guh-...! Huck…! What?! You wanna bring her to your tribe, S’era?! Have you gone mad?!”

“The Zu Tribe is infamous for killing anyone who enters their lands.” Mizuna calmly explained what K’thalen was alluding to. “I would love to help your people, but I don’t want to be strung up and flayed. I just don’t see how I could even get close enough to help them.”

“My Nunh has agreed to let outsiders in… on my watch.” S’era explained, ignoring his remarks. “Please, Dr. Kusakari… our kittens have some sort of disease that-”

Mizuna didn’t even flinch. “I’ll do it.”

“Huh?!” Both S’era and K’thalen exclaimed at the same time, before looking at each other.

“I’ve only seen a handful of Miqo’te children in my travels, and none that were younger than nine or ten. This is an opportunity of a lifetime.” Mizuna glanced down to check the vitals again- still safe, still stable. “If you can guarantee my safety then I’ll gladly help. And if Miqo’te kittens are as adorable as they claim… then I won’t soon regret this.”

“The mention of kittens was all she needed to change her mind?” S’era thought to herself, nodding confidently at Mizuna. “This is all going better than I originally planned!”

---

Mentions: @dawn-aethwyn @nijah-wolff-xiv @osric-slater-ffxiv @conobharo-cobharo-xiv​ @hadriel-ffxiv​

[ayma-nidiot]

“Don’t Speak Their Names” - Shrimpshipping fic Chapter 27

This chapter can be found here on AO3.

Chapter 27 - I Challenge My Fate

~07 November 2005~ 

“President Phuckdis! Reporting in, sir!” A Buster Blader saluted his general. 

“Proceed, Captain.”

“Several enemies calling themselves ‘Earthbound Gods’ started attacking Joey and his friends. Apparently, Joey lost a duel, and last I checked, he was engaged in battle with a snake-like monster. There are now hundreds of enemy soldiers coming this way! It’s only a matter of time before-”

“Th-They’re here!” shouted a few guards who stood watch at the door. “Aaaaaaargh!”

“Hah!” Watda led the charge, showing no mercy in cutting down the guards. He aggressively attacked Joey and showed little interest in anything else. “How kind of you to show me where you lowlifes camp out! Now, give me Uru or else!”

“Never!” Joey swiped at Watda’s feet with his Salamandra sword, “summoned” from his Duel Disk.

“Oh?” Watda smirked as he jumped over the sword like a jump rope. “Why would you want to protect that ‘dung beetle…’ or whatever it is you called him?”

“Hahaha…” cackled a voice from behind Joey. “I wonder that, too. Well, no matter, since that will be your first and last mistake!”

“Weevil!” William growled at the half-shifted Weevil. “Dammit, he escaped!”

“What do you mean, ‘escaped?’” Joey wanted to know.

“William, you moron!” Phuckdis bopped his brother with the blunt end of his sword.

“Hey, Joey!” Weevil’s arms hardened, glowing blood-red. “Think fast!”

“Wh-What?” Joey darted around for the agile bug duelist. Before he could really process what was going on, Weevil found him first, stabbing his non-sword arm with a sharp spider arm. “Aaaah! You… You mosquito…”

“A mosquito, am I?” Weevil continued to assault Joey, who had to parry the attacks with a shaky arm. “Hah! A mosquito is but a caterpillar compared to the monster I’ve become, compliments of my fellow Earthbound Gods!” 

“You’ve gone absolutely batshit, Weevil! Open your eyes, why don’t you!”

“Nah, how about no.” Weevil stabbed Joey’s sword hand so hard that the Salamandra sword went flying. “But I’ll gladly open a giant wound in your belly and let the maggots have at you. I’ll make you suffer for what you’ve done in the past…”

“G-Ggh…” Joey looked up at his former Battle City rival, knowing his life was as good as done.

“The only one who will be suffering here is you, Weevil! Amazoness Empress, get ‘im!” exclaimed a debilitated Mai. 

“Ah…” All of the excitement of battle left Weevil in an instant, and he knelt to the ground in pain. 

“Bind Weevil at once!” Phuckdis ordered. “And be quick about it!”

“Yes, sir!” Several Magician Girl monsters got to work right away.

“Mai…” Joey got up, hoping to help the woman he loved - that was until Watda got in his path. 

“Going somewhere, Wheeler?” Watda slashed down a few Club members who got between him and Joey. “Not that it would do you any good, since your pretty little girlfriend is history!”

“Get off her, you thug!” Seeing Watda’s snake arms slither around Mai’s face pissed the hell out of Joey.

“Yeah, you’re probably right. I want to hear her scream in agony after I take your life away!”

“Ggh…!” Joey tried to pick up the Salamandra. “Rex… Where the hell are… you…”

“Dammit, get out of our way!” Though the enemies Amber fought on the way to the Club meeting room were weak, their numbers were enough to overwhelm her.

“Need some help?” Rex asked before transforming himself, felling most of the enemies and weakening the rest.

“Papa! You shouldn’t be-” Amber would have scolded her mother if she hadn’t noticed what Rex’s transformation had done.

“Hehe!” Rex remained in rabbit form as he ran with Amber. “I might not be a strong monster, but I’ve got one heck of a special ability. Surprised?”

“Yeah, at the fact that your baby bump is still intact when you switch forms. Shapeshifter physiology is a weird thing, isn’t it?”

“It shouldn’t be for a girl genius like you.” 

“Papa… I know the circumstances are grave, but I don’t want you to push yourself. Let your strong daughter do the fighting.”

Rex’s endurance barely held on long enough to reach the Tabletop Gaming Club’s meeting room. As soon as he turned back into a human, his ankles swelled badly, and held onto Amber as a crutch.

“I got you, Papa. Oh?” No sooner had Rex reverted forms when Amber saw a fight going on well inside their meeting room, in the health/recreation center.

Unlike Amber, Rex recognized Watda instantly - as well as the captive he held by the neck. “That’s the guy who captured me! And he’s got Joey! Ugh!” Rex strained to transform.

“Papa, are you nuts? That man is the Crimson Devil, the strongest of the Earthbound Gods! Even I’m not match for him! H-Hey, get back here!” Amber couldn’t stop her mother from running to Watda in human form.

“Hehehe…” Watda cackled as he raised Joey above the gathering crowd - most of whom were weak monsters that didn’t dare to raise a hand against Watda. “My Earthbound Gods have lost to your friends… It’s too bad that you really lucked out and ended up dueling me ! Although I have to commend your bravery, Mr. Wheeler. It’s too bad you’re not as smart or strong as you are reckless.”

“Joey!” As much as Mai wanted to rescue the man she loved, enemies restrained her. “No! Take me instead, please!”

“D-Damn… you… Watda…” Having lost against Watda himself, Phuckdis barely had the strength to crawl on the floor, let alone fight back.

“Y-You’ll never… have… Urk!” Joey howled in pain as Watda’s nails dug into his neck, drawing blood.

“You’re trying to protect the man who tried to steal your soul, and the one whom you call a ‘duelin’ disgrace?’ Hah!” Watda used his free hand to grab Joey’s head, with the intent to twist it off. “I’ll show you the consequences of being a nice guy, you bleeding-heart filth! You don’t even deserve the honour of final words!”

“And I’ll show you the consequences of messing with my friends!” Rex thundered as he quickly shifted and latched onto one of Watda’s arms.

“Wh-What? Yeowch!” Thanks to Rex’s special effect, Watda could feel his strength draining. “You damned rabbit! How did you escape?”

“Not gonna tell you! But you best think how you’re going to escape!”

“What do you- Argh!” Before Watda could even turn around, an arrow from Amber pierced his shoulder.

“You’re… gonna pay!” Amber continued to shoot a flurry of arrows, chasing Watda out of the building. “Wait! ...Dammit, he got away! Let me-”

From an all-fours position, Rex grabbed one of Amber’s ankles. “Amber, not now… Just look around you.”

“Papa…” Amber noticed that in this battle, many Club members have already died, the vast majority of them killed by Watda.

“At least we know who are enemies are now.”

“...Fine.” Amber turned back into a human and glanced at Joey. “Just so you know, I still hate you. I didn’t do what I did because I consider you a friend.”

“Hehe, I know you do. You just won’t admit it!” Joey’s tone turned serious when he looked down at Rex. “That was a bold thing you did, man. Not only are you super pregnant, but you got beat to a pulp for gods know how long. I’m… I’m sorry for all that I said about you in the past. I take it all back.”

“It’s cool, dude…” Rex decided he couldn’t move anymore, and leaned against a giant wooden table for rest.

“Ugh.” Amber instead turned her attention to her incapacitated allies, Phuckdis and William. “Guys, are you okay?”

“Barely…” Phuckdis managed to stand on his feet, and helped his brother stand up too. “More importantly, Lady Amber… We’ve finally done it. We can now complete our mission.”

“Oh?” Amber looked to the smaller crowd, gathered around… something.

“‘Lady’ Amber? Come to think of it, I think I’ve heard her called that before…” Rex couldn’t see what was going on, even though he wasn’t very far.

“...Stay where you are, Rex.” Amber didn’t allow Rex to move one more inch forward.

“Amber?” Rex’s heart broke a little when Amber called him by his name. “Let me see what’s the ruckus over there!”

“Oh, I will.” Amber gestured for her soldiers to move out of the way, and when they dispersed, Rex could see Weevil - bound at the ankles, weak, and completely void of emotion.

“Weevil! You’re okay…” Rex attempted to crawl over to where Weevil was, but the ankle pain held him back.

“Rex… I don’t think you realize what kind of enemies we’re up against.”

“I’ve learned enough when I was captured. They want Weevil to join them because he’s an almighty god. And who wouldn’t?”

“They don’t want him for just any reason… He’s an Earthbound God, destined to cause ruin.”

Rex remembered what Dip told him, but tried to deny it. “Th-That’s not true! I thought you knew better than anyone that he can use his powers for good!”

“For now, yes… But in time… In time…” Amber walked towards Weevil and stared him down. “Their minds will become so corrupt that they have no choice but to fulfill their destiny. And when they’re with their own kind, they’ll cause unspeakable destruction.”

“Amber, that’s nonsense!”

Amber’s body and voice shook. “After seeing this destruction myself, I can hardly call it nonsense! The Earthbound Gods are what ruined my future! It was them… They were the ones who…”

“You’re not serious…?” Rex hugged himself to stop trembling.

“I saw it with my own eyes! Weevil was the one who killed my baby brother… My boyfriend…” Amber looked at the members of the “Dweeb Patrol,” who were even more confused than Rex. “All of you… And… you, Rex. Weevil killed you right in front of me.”

“Oh… my gods…” Rex wanted to throw up just from hearing this awful story.

“This… has been my mission… all along…” Amber half-shifted and pointed her arrow at Weevil, who looked up at her without a gleam in his eyes.

“Amber!” Rex couldn’t stop crying. “Do you mean to tell me you were duping me this whole time? That all along, your only real goal was to kill Weevil?”

“That’s right.  This overgrown spider is the only thing standing between our future and complete freedom!”

“Amber…” Rex cried. “I… I can’t believe what I’m hearing… No, I won’t believe it!”

“And now… I challenge my fate!” Amber’s arrow glowed brightly.

“Do it, Lady Amber.” Phuckdis ordered. “Your mother is already pregnant with your present self, so you can still live. And Francis… He never deserved to live in such a terrible future. Do this, and his soul will be appeased.”

“Haha…” Amber’s eyes hardened on Weevil. “I’m going to free everyone… I’m going to save the world! All I have to do is kill one bloody Earthbound God! And I’m going to do it in front of your very eyes, Rex!”

“Amber… Argh!” No matter how much it hurt, no matter how much Phuckdis and William pulled his legs, Rex crawled forward. 

“Don’t you dare interfere in our mission, Rex!” Phuckdis threatened to stab Rex’s legs with his sword. “I don’t care if you’re pregnant! I won’t hesitate to hurt you!”

“Amber… I know you don’t want to do this. The bonds your father and I have forged with you over the past few months are real. They’re not something you want to end with a stupid, puny arrow. Even though you’re barely younger than us, Weevil and I really love you as our daughter. Isn’t there any room in your heart for the father who raised you? The father who taught you everything there is to know about insects and dueling? The father would would take all the pain and suffering in the world just to make you happy?”

“Shut… up…” Amber started to tear up.

“Amber… I want us to live and bond as a family. There’s got to be another way. Let’s put all this behind us and go on another mall trip, or walk in the park. But whatever you do… please, don’t do this.”

“Shut up, Rex! You’re just making it harder!” Amber’s aim at Weevil’s heart began to waver. 

“But you can save him! We’ve done it before!”

“No. Look at him! He’s too far gone now... He doesn’t even remember who the fuck you are, Rex! This is the only way I can save the world - and Weevil’s soul. I… I don’t want to see this man suffer in the soulless shell that was once Weevil Underwood. I’d… rather… Sniff…”

“Rex… Weevil…” Even the normally-proud Joey, the Joey that once despised Rex and Weevil with everything he had, couldn’t help but shed tears of his own.

“Weevil…” Amber choked on her own breath, and she pulled her bowstring as far back as she could. “Sorry, not sorry.”

So were Amber’s final words as she tearfully let her arrow fly at Weevil full speed.

[transfemininomenon]

short answer: its a bad game

long answer: okay sit down i have so much to say about this game and full disclosure inevitably a lot of this is going to come to My Personal Opinion and ALSO full disclosure that i have not ever actually Finished dark souls 2 because ive on two separate occasions gotten half-way through and then given up because i just was NOT having fun FUCK shrine of amana piece of shit awful god damn fucking area what the FUCK were you thinking with that area with its heat seeking magic missiles and water and random holes in the world and millions of enemies an 

its basically divided up into a few different sections - presentation & theming, quantity vs quality, how difficulty is handled in the game, and the gameplay itself, and how they all kind of go hand in hand with each other 

on the subject of presentation & theming, THE big thing when it came to dark souls 1 is that the world is oppressive, dark, and Difficult. the difficulty of the game is put right into the theming of the game in that its a hard game while the WORLD is a shitty and difficult place in the story. but on the back of that is another theme which is that of yes the world is oppressive and bleak and feels hopeless - but you keep going Anyway and no matter how insurmountable something might feel you can and WILL defeat it

this is further built into the game through the covenant system as well as summonable npcs for boss fights. the game not only says that its okay to ask for help if need be, it actively encourages & rewards people for helping others with the covenant system. its not just a game that is Hard - its a game that’s scary and difficult and dark but also actively encourages you to seek help and to also BE the person helping others survive in a seemingly hopeless world. and that triumph of finally getting past something you were stuck on for so long feels SO good and becomes worth all the trouble

dark souls 2, meanwhile, buys right into the “dark souls is HARD casuals get OUT” mentality. literally the intro cutscene to the game is like “man youre gonna DIE youre gonna DIE so MUCH and youre gonna lose all your SOULS and youre gonna be so MAD”. in contrast with the original dark souls’ opening cutscene which establishes the base lore/story of the game while introducing different characters & future boss fights, the opening cutscene of dark souls 2 does nothing beyond “haha ur gonna be so MAD” 

and it just really kills the vibe Immediately for me. it no longer feels like a really interesting story about overcoming adversity through determination and struggle. it just feels like well i gotta prove im Good and Kill The Boss 

then there’s the issue of quantity vs quality. when it comes to both zones & boss fights, dark souls 2 by far went for quantity when it came to them and the actual quality of both suffered a Lot as a result. like, there’s a LOT of zones and boss fights in dark souls 2. a LOT. and yet i genuinely currently can, off the top of my head, remember around 5 by name, and none for any Good reason. a lot of the zones just end up blending together because there’s SO little actually memorable things about them 

and the exact same is true with the bosses. many are reskins of bosses from 1, very few actually have much in the way of interesting mechanics or good design, and a lot of them are just so Easy. without even really trying when i was doing my attempts at the game id end up defeating some bosses in something like 10 hits without ever taking much damage. much like the zones there’s very few bosses i can even actively remember because they’re just SO unmemorable and boring. the bosses that i DO remember are only because they end up just getting reused as normal enemies, sometimes as quickly as the VERY next zone

which this ties into another one of my big issues which is how the game handles difficulty. when it comes to others games in the series the difficulty comes in ways that, while they may be frustrating sometimes, almost always at least seem Fair. if i die its PROBABLY because i fucked up, whether it be mistiming an attack, anticipating the wrong enemy move, or rushing into a situation im not prepared for. most of the time i die and i go yeah, okay, i see where i messed up, and that lets me bounce back in and do it better

the difficulty in 2, on the other hand, more often than not comes very cheaply. a big issue i have long complained about in terms of area design is there’s SO many random holes in the world for you to suddenly fall into, including a number of bosses where this is the case. then rather than having enemies actually have interesting or different moves to them the game tends to either send swarms of enemies at you or have them appear out of hiding and ambush you. very little when i die in that game do i ever feel like it was because i actually did something wrong and it always just feels cheap & unsatisfying 

this is then weirdly paired up with bosses being so lackluster where most of them are just SO easy and require such little thought that even defeating those doesnt even give a big sense of accomplishment. there’s just so little Satisfaction to be gained from the game and SO much frustration 

THE big thing with all of this is that all of those above three things i could forgive if the game itself was at least Fun but it just........... isnt to me. the game itself constantly feels SO clunky and slow, even compared to earlier titles - like demon’s souls of all games feels Better to play than dark souls 2 does. i never feel like i have the level of control with my character that i do with the other games and combat feels awkward and just in general not very fun 

enemies tend to have really weird timing with their attacks, rolling feels weird, and it could just be the weapons ive tried in the game but none really ever feel Good. i tend to in soulsborne games go for Big Sword (except in bloodborne where i tend to move more toward dex builds on account if it being the one games where i actually Get parrying) and not even the act of swinging a Giant Sword around could ever make me happy in that game

exploration isnt fun because the areas arent interesting and the bosses suck................ it isnt fun to fight things because the game doesnt feel good and the difficulty always feels cheap.............. the theming isnt interesting and there’s nothing about it that draws me in or inspires me like various themes in the other games.................... its just overall nothing i really am interested in or want in a souls game and when the OTHER ones give me that in their own different ways there just really isnt any reason for me to want to play that game 

this all isnt to say there arent aspects of dark souls 2 that i DO like - majula is a VERY good hub area and only beaten by the nexus on my list, and Lucatiel is my favorite character & storyline out of anything else in the whole series. she’s such an interesting and tragic character and her storyline better showcases the undead curse and the reality of how Terrifying and sad it is than any other storylines in the other games and its VERY good 

those arent enough to make up for the issues i have with the game though so im going to long say that dark souls 2? sucks 

[crowbarstodd]

Course Of Nature (5)

Chapter Summary: A fight! Word Count: 2,507 (it’s a short chapter IM SORRY but this and chapter 4 were originally one chapter that I split in half for pacing purposes) Rating: G Pairing: Daminette Prologue | One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six

The Akumatised person they were fighting was called ‘Bud Omen,’ which was considerably better than at least half of Chat’s puns. 

Before his akumatisation ‘Bud Omen’ was a passionate gardener, and from what Marinette could put together, people kept tearing and uprooting his lovely roses. She only wished his anger granted him a non-aggressive ability.

Now, he was an instrument for Hawkmoth, dressed in green leaves, with long, wide, red petals extending from his neck, looking almost like a dog cone. Both his hands had been replaced red flower buds, which didn’t look particularly attractive.

One of Hawkmoths worst designs yet, Marinette decided. The outfit was simply outrageous.

“Finally!” Queen Bee (Chloe), said in lieu of greeting. “Carapace got turned into a cactus, and—“ She was cut off by a giant thorn aimed straight for the two of them. The girls rolled out of the way just in time for the projectile to crash land onto the street and reduce the roads to crumbling pieces. “And this idiot won’t stop throwing thorns at me!”

Queen Bee had turned to yell the last bit at Bud Omen, who threw yet another thorn at her. (Surprise, surprise.)

“Nobody can stop me!” Bud Omen announced. “Not until people learn to respect my flowers!”

Bud Omen extended an arm, though instead of manifesting a giant thorn, a bright green beam shot out towards Queen Bee. Marinate pulled her aside with her yoyo, watching with wide eyes as the red Toyota behind Bee transformed into a succulent, sitting comfortably inside a brown pot. “That’s what happened to Carapace,” Queen Bee said. “I think his right-hand shoots out thorns, and his left-hand does that.”

A dual wielder then. Lucky for him, unlucky for her. “Well it’s creative, I’ll give ‘im that.”

Queen Bee ducked to the side as another thorn was launched in her direction. “I can’t get close enough to use my venom!” She cried, hissing as her hands grazed gravel to prevent the rest of her body from sliding across the ground.

If Bee couldn’t use her power then she was likely to become a quick liability. “Prioritise getting people to safety! I’m sure I can hold out, at least until Chat gets here.”

Queen Bee nodded her head in affirmation, sprinting away to rescue innocents. Taking some time to assess her surroundings, Marinette deduced the safest way to apprehend the villain. Or at least the safest place to direct it. 

There was a park nearby, she remembered, open and wide enough to minimise potential damage created by the thorns, and easy to evacuate as it would give her clear vision of any innocents. “Hey! Uh, flower power!” Marinette called, using her yoyo to sweep Bud Omen to the floor. He saved his fall by extending his arms, but the flowers that replaced his hands wilted and bent out of shape from the impact.

It looked like they were real flowers and susceptible to damage. That was sure to be useful for later. Bud Omen grunted as he rose, running after Marinette who was already on her way to the park. “Clear out!” She yelled as she approached. “Akuma!”

The citizens complied easily, filing out in rushed lines like a disturbed ant farm. She was barely a few feet within the park grounds when was pushed forward by a harsh force, the right side of her back aching as she was forced to eat grass. She heard Bud Omen’s stilted laugh and winced. He’d nailed her in the back with a thorn. It hurt like crazy, throbbing as she tried to get back on her feet, but she counted herself lucky he hadn’t gone and turned her into a cactus instead. 

She was saved from further pain when she was scooped into the arms of a familiar black-clad hero. “Chat!” She exclaimed, relieved.

“Looks like it’s not growing very well, M’Lady,” Chat grinned, setting her down to her feet. The park was now suffering from a decent-sized crater, green thorn sticking out of it. 

They hid together behind a particularly wide tree, peeking out from the sides to check on Bud Omen. “Watch out for his left, Chat, you don’t want to become a cactus.” 

“We’ll just have to end it quickly then.”

“That’ll be a bit of a problem,” Marinette admitted. “I’m not exactly sure where the Akuma would be, just that the flower-hands are damageable.”

“Peony for your thoughts?”

“Think you can get to him without getting hit?”

Chat puffed his chest, bringing his hands to his waist. “Of course I can, bugaboo, you just have to beleaf in me!”

Chat Noir jumped out from behind the tree, rolling under thorns and jumping over cactus-transforming beams with lithe granted to him by his miraculous. Aiming straight and true, he leaped straight toward Bud Omen.

The villain had no choice but to parry the close-quarters attack with an arm block. He growled as one of his petals fell, bruised and brown. “How dare you!” He exclaimed. 

Chat hardly had enough time to fall flat on his stomach, barely avoiding a thorn missile to the face. At such close quarters, a hitting move would definitely have taken him out of commission. Her partner showed grace true to his animal, flipping over following beam attacks from Bud Omen. He must have been getting pointers from Nightwing or something, because his usually already-impressive combinations had well smoothed out, and he was confidently executing tumbles he hadn’t proved to know earlier. 

Timing her attack just right, she waited for the exact moment his hands swept upward, eyes narrowed in concentration. Now! Spotting her window of opportunity, Marinette flung her yoyo at the villain, tying his hands together. 

“Uh-oh,” Chat grinned at Bud Omen, “looks like you might be in a bind?”

“You won’t be able to stop me so easily!”

Chat smiled, showing off his canines. He always looked just a touch wild when he was truly excited during a fight. “When I got closer I saw a necklace, M’Lady, might be where the Akuma is hidden.” Finally, a lead! Marinette returned her partner’s smile, digging her heels into the ground as she prepared to end the match. “Let’s get it then, Minou!”

Bud Omen growled. Too stubborn to stop even while obviously detained, Bud Omen shot another beam at Chat Noir. Though Marinette was sure her partner could evade it, she had never been the type to sit back and watch where she could intervene. With a yank, she changed the course of the shot.

It would have been the perfect stop had a new body not occupied the previously empty spot that Bud Omen’s beam was now redirected to.

“Move!” Chat bellowed, springing into action. There was a bright light as the beam made contact, and her blonde partner was left to sit on the floor as a cactus in a pot. 

The newcomer who he’d saved was sprawled on their back, eyebrows in an all-too-familiar furrow.

Marinette gaped. “Robin?”

He dusted himself off, nose wrinkling at the sight of the cactus that was once Chat. “I could have avoided the attack on my own.” He said, “your partner was foolish.”

“Chat is a hero!” Marinette retorted, not at all appreciating Robin’s apparent lack of gratitude. “He helped you because that’s what heroes do.”

A thorn shot to the ground between the two of them, its impact shaking the ground enough for the two heroes to stumble, unbalanced. 

“Shit,” Marinette cursed under her breath. Her grip on her yoyo had loosened thanks to Robin’s sudden appearance, and now they were back to square one. 

Robin tutted. “Should have held on tighter.”

“We don’t have time for this!”

The two of them ducked behind the wide end of the thorn, hiding from the trigger happy villain who seemed intent on turning them both into cacti. “We need to come up with a plan,” Marinette said, thinking back on what she knew. “His flowers can probably be destroyed, and I think he can only use one at a time.”

Robin scoffed, unsheathing the katana attached to his hip. “I have it handled.”

His first step out from behind the shelter of the thorn was celebrated by a yellow body slamming right onto him.

Queen Bee rolled off him, obviously miffed. “What were you doing in my way?” she demanded. 

So brat meets brat. Really, what a great day for Marinette.

“Me? What were you doing in my way?”

“As far as I know it’s my father whose Mayor of Paris not yours. This park is Paris public property, so I’ll ask again. What were you doing in my way?

It was astounding, the leaps and bounds in logic that Chloe could make. Even more so was the way that Robin looked prepared to argue back as though what she was saying was actually relevant in any way at all. She clapped her hands to get their attention. “Queen Bee, this is Robin, Robin this is Queen Bee. Alright now that you’ve met each other, it’s time to make a plan.”

She thought she sounded authoritative enough, but as soon as she was finished talking the two were back at it again. Is this how teachers normally felt? So dejected? “They should call you Bumble, since that’s all you seem to do.”

“Oh? Do people call you unnecessary annoyance, since that’s all you seem to be.”

“Well, well, well. Looks like Hawkmoth will be happy with me.”

That was certainly not Bee or Robin, and they certainly sounded very close. As if Bud Omen had snuck up on them while they were arguing. 

Slowly, the three teens turned, to be met with the towering figure of the villain. They reacted automatically. Marinette swept at Bud Omen’s legs, watching with satisfaction as he fell. A sting from Bee’s ‘venom’ came a second later, paralysing Bud Omen as a Batarang shot out and shattered the silver string around his neck. 

In the blink of an eye, the fight was over, and all Marinette could feel was dumbfounded.

She purified the Akuma, and watched as the city was restored, feeling relief fill her as her partner returned to his cat-clad state. 

“See how helpful I can be now that I have my miraculous permanently?” Bee asked, smug.

Marinette sighed. “It’s still temporary, just longer this time. Until we’ve beaten Hawkmoth for good. Hawkmoth and err… Queen Bee.”

“We should do something about that,” Chat said, coming closer to the little huddle. Robin sniffed as though he was unimpressed, but his eyes shifted to Queen Bee expectantly.

The group fell into a momentary hush, shattered by a disgruntled Bee. “Are you guys serious? You want the villain to keep her name?”

“Well if we knew where she was, we’d ask,” Chat snarked in return. Seeing how she was genuinely upset by the idea, his approach softened. “Just until we take her down, Bee.”

“Ugh, I so don’t have time for this right now.”

Right, she’d used her big move and all. Marinette stole a glance at the hairpin, counting the stripes. There were still two left, which gave them about three or so minutes to figure it out. 

Chat extended his baton, pushing a few buttons. “It’s easy. Just google types of bees. Or even easier call yourself abeille”

Amused, Marinette let out a chuckle. “Seriously Chat? Google? Is that how you got your name?”

Her partner made a face. “Well no, but if I hadn’t been so clever from the beginning it’s what I’d probably do. So, Google search?”

Bee groaned, but didn’t argue. The four of them huddled closer together, leaning in to look at Chat’s baton screen as he did he a quick google search. 

“Ooh! You could call yourself carpenter bee!”

Chloe glowered at Chat, who had the sense to swipe out of the page quickly.

Not one to sit in silence, Robin tutted, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Strange how there’s no imbecile bee. Would have been fitting for you.”

That comment earned Robin a swift kick from the blonde heroine. Her reaction seemed to satisfy him, however, as he didn’t do anything to retaliate.

“What about Andrena?” Marinette suggested, reading from the search options. 

Chloe clicked her tongue, looking quite unhappy. “Well if you think so Ladybug… Then fine. Andrena. But only until we beat that awful hag. Then I’ll be Queen Bee again.”

“Thanks for your co-operation, Andrena.”

Andrena’s miraculous beeped, ending the conversation before she and Robin could fight again (who knew there’d be someone else to butt heads with him so aggressively?) “Well, we might as well all get going,” Marinette said, waving the group farewell.

She ran a couple meters until she was sure it was safe to detransform, only doing so when she was safely tucked away in the crevice of an alleyway.

Tikki flopped into her bag, eager for some cookies. Seeing as there was nowhere she had to be for the time being, she took a moment to breathe, resting her head against the cool brick wall behind her. Her back still ached.

Today was a bit of a mess. She and Robin still lacked the synergy to fight well together, and adding Andrena to the mix seemed to make everything even more explosive. 

There was the fact that Robin was so dismissive of Chat’s help too. She figured why; his admission that night was pretty direct (don’t think about what happened after, don’t think don’t think don’t think -- yeah she was blushing again) but that didn’t mean it was nice or right of him to brush Chat’s actions off to the side like that. 

“Marinette?”

Her head shot up, meeting the poorly disguised concern in Damian Wayne’s eyes. Why he was in this side of Paris, she had no idea, and really, it was inconvenient for him to bump into her while she was doing some deep thinking. Like, did he want her to get distracted and think of something stupid? Probably not, he wasn’t so bad after all, and oh god she hadn’t replied yet. 

“Yes.” Well. That wasn’t any less awkward than the silent eye contact. “I mean, yes! Hello!”

Damian snorted, finding humour in her inability to function like a normal human being. Curse her wandering mind! “What are you doing here? I thought you’d be at the bakery or something?” 

“Uhhh… I got turned into a cactus! Yeah, I was a cactus and I guess someone carried me here or something… HAHAHaha...ha...ha.” She scratched the back of her neck, eyes looking everywhere but his face. She couldn’t even look in his direction until she heard him snigger. 

“Alright then, do you need help going back to the bakery? It’s a bit of travel on foot, and my brother will be around with the car in a moment.”

Marinette searched his eyes. Satisfied when she found nothing but sincerity, she nodded her head. “Thanks.”

End Notes: I feel like I might’ve missed something while editing this so give me a heads up if there’s something I need to fix. It’s 100% not my best chapter, but I had to get it out and over with. Good news is that this chap ends w promise of future Daminette which is something I’m really excited about!

Also! The Queen Bee problem has been temporarily resolved!!! Sort of. Hurdles up ahead, but hey it’s just how it be I guess Tag List: @just-rant-and-write-fic-idea @kceedraws @mystery-5-5 @2sunchild2 @i-like-fairytail-and-stuff @treebrosha @mooshoon @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @aarushi-03 @ladylb @crazylittlemunchkin @kurogaya913 @ki117h3dr4g0n @xxmadamjinxx @sidefrienda @7-sage-7 @throneoffirebreathingbitchqueen @felicityroth @tritaledkitsune @constancetruggle @creator-josie @theatreandcomicfreak @northernbluetongue @yin-390 @ayuchan07 @fatimaabbasrizvi @emjrabbitwolf @resignedcatservant

Feel free to ask to be added/removed from the tag list!

[memoiritus]

Chapter 2 (look in my profile for the first chapter)

When Time Slows Down

The clang is resonating through your body, the first blow of the battle. You parried a straight slash attack with a sword and disarmed the soldier. You hear thousands of warriors fighting, your ears ringing with the sounds of clashing swords and breaking armour. You are in your element, you look ahead and hit an enemy on the head with the hilt of your sword, crouch and turn to the right to stab another one in the leg. His scream is drowned in the chaos of the battle, you kick him to the ground and move forward. You can hear Zeke fighting enemies while giving out war cries in the distance. A sword enters your field of vision, you dodge it just in time and twist the wrist of the enemy who tried to attack you, you punch him in the face while the sword is still in your hand and break his nose. You are thankful to the shortsword, so perfectly balanced for your agility and strength that it feels like its a detachable body part.

Up ahead, after the field of enemies is the king in his chariot. He has a stack of spears and he looks like he wants to go long range with his longbow. He is wearing heavy armour, probably to protect him from sneak attacks while he is shooting. Only his eyes are visible under his visored black iron helmet. You see him knock 2 arrows at once and take out 2 of your warriors in a single shot.

"He's a sharpshooter", you think to yourself.

You are interrupted by a glint in your eye, and a whiz past your right ear. Looking back, you see an enemy soldier falling to the ground with a dagger sticking out of his neck, he had a sword in his hand and he probably had sneaked up on you while you were looking at the leader of the enemy.

"For gods' sake this is a warzone", Zeke says in a mocking voice from behind you. "You owe me one"

You smile and nod at him, then your actions become synchronised. You both stab and slash with your backs to each other, creating an area of pure violence and splattering blood. You notice and that Zeke is off his steed, probably injured at the start of the fight.

When you pay attention to fact that the crowd around you is beginning to thin, you break off from Zeke's side and start trudging towards the King's comfort cove in his chariot at the far side of the field. You punch and kick and slash and parry the blows of your enemies. An arrow suddenly hits your left arm while you were paying attention to another enemy. You look at the Archer King, who is comparitively closer to you now, reaching for another arrow in his quiver. The arrow that hit you doesn't hurt that bad, thanks to the thick leather covers on your arms. Maybe only half the head of the arrow is stuck there, so its not harmful to pull it out. You throw away the arrow, and pick up a wooden shield from the ground just in time to block a second attack. You figure that you cannot approach him head up now that he has you pinned. You needed a plan, you jump to the left, right after he knocked another arrow. This time he hit one of his own soldier on the side of the abdomen. You run to the left trying to lose his vision and round up from behind him. Zeke was on the other side of the field. Hopefully he was also planning to flank the enemy leader, but she has to attack in a way through which she can succeed even without any assistance, just in case.

You see a clearing and head there, when you look towards the place where the leader's chariot was, is now empty, with the chariot somehow flipped a few feet away. Zeke probably managed to get him out of the chariot with the help of a few men. You rush toward the clearing, completely vigilant, but somehow an enemy soldier springs up on you from behind a rock and you let out a shriek. But because of your war reflexes and hours of intensive training, you jump out of the way in the last split second. The enemy falls to the ground, he has no helmet and looks very weary, you kick him hard on his stomach and he passes out. You again start to search for the leader, but you dont have to because you hear a scream that cut through all the chaos around you. It was Zeke's scream that caught your attention. Your heart pounds as your brain registers what its seeing, a bow on the ground, the enemy leader's bow, some feet away was standing the enemy leader, holding a sword from which he had stabbed Zeke.

Your legs move on their own, but you are not fast enough. The leader pulls out the sword and stabs Zeke again in the same place, this time it was even deeper. You hear him gruntle while pure anger fills you. You knock over the Leader and tackle him down. His helmet rolls away. You pay no attention to his facial features and hit him on the head with the hilt of your sword as hard as you could. He passes out with a bloody forehead.

You rush to Zeke's side. The war around you is coming to a halt. The enemies knowing that their leader has lost, are either surrendering or trying to run away to bear the news of the loss of the final battle. You take Zeke's head into your hands, his chest is bloody and he struggles to speak.You try to shush him but he painfully smirks. You hold back in tears, you know exactly what this victory cost.

"Only if you were vigilant and fast enough",your conscience says from the back of your head.

"Y-you took him out. We- We won", Zeke manages to speak, "I cant feel my body".

You try to smile at him, to try to reassure him for the last time, you dont know what to say. Zeke coughs up blood and mutters, "im going to go now, im proud of you", his voice weakening with each word, each word even harder to speak that before. Tears well up in your eyes. "Im proud of you too..."

He smiles with the last of his strength before his body goes limp and he stares away with gray eyes into nothingness.

You won the war, you hear people rejoicing, people who are not aware of the loss of a great general, most importantly, the greatest friend. Time seems to have slowed down while you cry with your head on his bloody chest. You'll be deemed as the hero of this victory, but the only thing that was worth it was his last words to you.

Im proud of you.

this brings us to the end if my first ever written short story, please follow me if you liked it <3

[semi-imaginary-place]

botw update. still blatantly ignoring the divine beasts while everyone tells me the world is ending and a bunch of kids miss their parents because their parents went off towards the beasts and are now missing.

accidentally stumbled upon not ONE but TWO dragons. and then wasted 30 arrows trying to hit 4 targets

oh so my path has been: great plateau, west+east necluda, gerudo, tabantha (this was an accident), hebra, lanayru. so half of that was me getting lost, wandering into a later game area and dying, half of that was for horses, and half of that was for the gerudo voe outfit. (yeah, 1.5 of a whole idiot)

I’m playing this game for the aesthetic.

for real though I don’t even use horses because I’m dogshit at fighting so 99% of the time I’m climbing some cliff to avoid enemies/be at a point they can’t hit me but I can throw bombs down on them. the horses are there purely to be pretty.

I named my horses Storm, Cloud, Midnight, and Starlight. My inner 8 year old is appeased. I wish there was a better photo mode in this game, I’ve resorted to leading the horse to the bottom of a cliff, jumping on to the cliff and then taking screenshots. why is lighting so tricky in this game

I think I’m normalized dying because it just happens to me every 5 minutes so I won’t talk about it much but i die to everything. blew myself up a couple times, died via fall damage more times than i can remember. Why is a lynel’s alert range so huge??? its like if i can see it, it can see me

I keep running out of arrows and i still haven’t figured out a good way to get more.

Oh so i tried paragliding all way from the gerudo tower down to the square city. (and i didit with a stamina potion) but then i found out the game wanted me to have trekked all the through the dessert where those dam lizards who one shot me are hiding out. (yeah I was suppose to go through the canyon and through the dessert but instead I climbed a mountain, went to the tower and paraglided over) So I had to teleport up the tower again and paraglide over to the oasis which i will probably never be returning to.

So ending up in tabantha was a total accident. I was trying to go catch horses in the region to the east (what’s it called...) but that place is pretty flat (no hiding places) and crawling with strong enemies so i fled west over the canyon and ended up in tabantha and went for the tower since i was there anyways. Then I saw something suspicious in the nw corner of the map and 2 flights later ended up in rito village

I actually did try to go to lanayru first like the game wanted me too but the wizrobe kept freezing me until i died so i gave up. (why didn’t you use fire arrows?) because like i said I’m a terrible shot and constantly have 0 arrows. (why didn’t you buy some?) perpetual poverty, why do you think i was headed to hebra

oh and the snowbowling game? its not exactly behind the dude, you have to be slightly to the right or at an angle, aiming for the right side of his head/just to the right and above his head.

for perspective on how bad i am at combat. for the combat tutorial at kakariko’s shrine, i broke 4 weapons and 3 shields (and ate a lot of food) trying to complete it. oh and i ended up in hateno village before kakariko so.... i had to double back...

my “battle strategy” is mash y until either i die or the opponent dies. its not working so well... im healing every second of the game essentially as 2 hits usually kills me and i get hit about every second because i don’t know how to use a shield or parry or anything. i think ive managed to use combat maneuvers outside of the tutorial a grand total of once. if enemies are one shoting me consistently I’ll just teleport away or reload a save file.