#and half the stuff kotoko does is not happening

[review-anon]

I hate Kotoko too. I can’t stand her personality type and the worst part is that Kotoko never apologized to Komaru and Toko are for repeatedly trying to kill them and especially the incident that she did to Komaru. The only sort of good thing Kotoko did is stop Komaru from breaking the controller, but I’d rather have Nagisa be the one to do that instead. I feel the writers only let Kotoko live is because she’s a little girl character.

To be fair none of the Warriors of Hope died as I think if literal children were killed off, Spike Chunsoft would recieve hell.

What makes Kotoko espeically bad is that she's a prime example of the abused becoming abuser. Again since her backstory is all levels of uncomfortable, I don't want to talk about it here, but let's just say it makes what she does even worse.

I also hate how she had to go on a 10 minute explanation obviously kinda leaning on the fourth wall why this is apparently okay. Which felt like a case of "Please don't send the watchdogs on us."

I am so glad that she recieves actual consequences for this in DTFA and that Komaru does not forgive her one bit. Its to the point where while Komaru is often used to channel the spirits of the Warrior of Hope's parents, Future Foundation are thinking of someone else to ease Komaru the pain.

[gunsli-01]

Okay you asked for this one- So, let’s talk about Futa, Mikoto, and Kotoko and the escalation in violence portrayed through the three of them.

Futa is the first prisoner to be overtly violent during their interrogation. His violence may seem completely reactionary in nature, but a pattern presents itself when he is compared to the other two outwardly violent inmates.

Futa- Reactionary Self-justifiable violence.

If you come at him, he’ll come back at you just as hard if not more. However, if you don’t, he’s not likely to escalate the situation to violence first. This is something alluded to within his first trial written interrogation and Backdraft.

Q.12 Do you think the other prisoners should be forgiven for their “murder”?

Futa: People who resort to violence are shit! You only do stuff like that if you’re stupid.

“Bust out, explode that counter uppercut!”

Futa will respond to violence with violence. Because he believes once someone has brought it to that level that person has essentially brought whatever happens to them next on themselves. He’s justified in attacking because he’s just reacting to an attack. Even if what he does is worse than what was done to him.

This also plays a part in why he has to hype himself up so much before running at Es. Since Es has done nothing to attack him personally yet Futa has to come up with many justifications of his own to warrant him escalating it to violence. Even before entering the interrogation room-

20/09/18 (Futa’s First Trial)

Futa: Haa…… haa…… Ok……

Kotoko: What’s up, Futa. ……your breathing seems a bit uneven?

Futa: Huh!? I’m getting ready to fight. That guard is looking down on all of us……!

Kotoko: ……hmm. Is that so…… I’m looking forward to it- To seeing what your “justice” really is.

Then during his interrogation Futa only lunges at Es after Es taunts him with,

“Not used to lying, are you?”

After repeatedly reading Futa’s mannerisms/body language and stating aloud why they make him appear more guilty.

Futa’s response to Es’ admitted provocations was to lunge at him while yelling, “Cut it out, asshole!” Giving us our first instance of the force that stops the prisoners from hitting Es being triggered.

Throughout his interrogation he brings up the many ways Milgram and Es through association to the facility has violated his rights and continues to look down on him. Culminating in,

“Hey, hey, hey, hey! Don’t go around evaluating people like you’re better than everyone else. Once I get outta here, I’m going to sue this place! You as well! You better not be thinking you’ll get off scot-free. I’ll never forgive you, bad guys. And, this place is called Milgram- I’ll crush it down as well!”

Futa is keeping track of every slight and he seems to be the one to pay it back in kind and then some.

Mikoto- Defensive Justifiable Subjugating Violence.

Pretty straight forward. Mikoto will do anything to defend himself from perceived threats whether they be mental or physical threats. Anything that can do harm to him will be met with a firm denial. He will escalate things to violence first if provoked enough. However, the fun part comes in during the second half.

Unlike Futa and Kotoko who will more than likely help someone meet their maker Mikoto will not be helping anyone get an early visitation pass to the next life. Instead, the purpose behind his violence is to get whatever is disturbing him under his control. Very similar to Amane’s line in Purge March of,

“Let’s strangle his throat thoroughly, so he will never talk back.”

What some may have interpreted as hinting at murder here is actually Amane stating quite literally, she is going to strangle this person so thoroughly that they will never be able to talk back to her again. Since being strangled can lead to voice loss this doesn’t necessarily mean she’s going to kill who she’s referring to. Just exactly what she’s saying she’s going to strangle them well enough that they won’t be physically capable of talking back to her regardless of if they still want/have the courage to after this or not.

X

The intention just like with Mikoto isn’t to murder but to subjugate or teach the other party a lesson. This is implied in Mikoto’s voice drama when he says,

“You prefer it when it hurts more, huh? That’s fine. I’ll beat you up all you want.”

The implication being Es' actions are causing him to behave this way and until Es learns how to act, he can do this all day. Something that is once again implied and played with through his birthday interaction with Kotoko.

(2022/12/15)

Mikoto: Ah, Koto-chan. It's been a while. We were isolated for some time but, how are you doing? Lots of things happened, but for now let's get along. Here, it's your birthday right? I figured that no one would come celebrate it for you, so I came to wish you a happy birthday.

Kotoko: ...What a carefree person you are. Someone as atrocious as you won't be forgiven next time too, surely. When that time comes, it'll be your last. Next time, I'll kill you.

Mikoto: Haah? Why don't you try it then, you lunatic. I'll crush anyone who tries to harm me.... I'll make sure to thoroughly beat you at your own game...!!

Kotoko: Hmph. The boundaries have gotten more blurred, it seems. Your existence itself is a crime. I will give you your punishment. This is MILGRAM's, Es', and also my own decision.

This is more than likely why he only fights Kotoko to the point of making her back down. Because her fleeing or needing to retreat is also a sign of him being the dominant force in that interaction. Meaning this conversation is the other guy literally just saying if we play this game again, I'll thoroughly beat some sense into you and leave you groveling at my feet.

However, when keeping control of the situation/outside influence is no longer a viable option he may resort to eradicating the source of the issue.

"Hurting it, holding it down, it doesn’t change anything, does it."

Mikoto and Amane be like, "When all else fails removing it from this earth won't."

This means chances are he isn’t really asking Kotoko to work with him. He’s expressly asking for her to be a subordinate of his but disguising it as a partnership. Not too dissimilar to what Kotoko does with Es.

Speaking of-

Kotoko- Systemically Justifiable Violence

Kotoko unlike Futa and Mikoto is somewhat incapable of justifying her own behavior. Possibly because on some level she knows she’s just doing it for her own fulfilment. So, instead she looks to systems to validate her actions.

Either saying that she is doing this to protect the weak and overlooked. A thing that someone in her position of privilege should definitely do in her own opinion. I mean if she has the power and access to resources needed to work against these systems it would be worse if she just did nothing, right?

Her and her access to martial arts training from a young age-

Q.04 When did you start learning martial arts?

Kotoko: When I was in primary school, I think? Without enough power, justice won’t be upheld.

Since she stated primary school, she started doing martial arts between the ages of 6-12. She has also been trained to the point at which she can self-study/train without an instructor present. Yet for some reason she is literally over the moon at a treadmill in the crossover. Though that’s not too weird considering her instruction may not have involved that sort of equipment.

Q.05 What do you do to pass time in the prison?

Kotoko: Training and meditation.

X

Couple that with such training not being free. She either went to a very well-off school or her family paid for classes.

It doesn’t matter if she hasn’t experienced the same hardships or misfortunes. She knows something bad when she sees it.

Q.18 Have you ever personally been persecuted in the past?

Kotoko: I haven’t. But are you trying to say that if you haven’t had those experiences you can’t hate evildoers?

The system is flawed and needs strong people like her to fix it. Those who are weak and can’t even protect themselves should just sit back and let her protect them.

Q.15 Which is more important, the objective or the means?

Kotoko: Objective. Does that not go without saying?

Q.16 How do you feel about extenuating circumstances?

Kotoko: I think it’s important to consider. I don’t believe it’s true that all crime is inherently evil, so obviously the situation should be taken into account.

Q.20 What do you consider “evil”?

Kotoko: The persecution of the weak and innocent.

"From the beginning I've never asked for your understanding! My actions, one by one, are bringing earth closer to peace. Useless weaklings should just shut up and let me protect them!"

If there is a system that aligns with her beliefs- It doesn’t matter if pieces of it go against her or if the weak agree with her methods or not. If it’s for the sake of her goal, then anything is worth doing. Anything and everything goes as long as she feels that those actions are bringing her closer to the outcome she desires.

“Let’s give justice to the bad guys!” / “Why? Why stop me? Don’t stop! I need a good reason to give justice! Give me my next purpose!”

Even if Es says her actions are wrong Milgram has judged everyone within it as murderers. She knows that just by them all being there. So, who’s to say she wouldn’t just default to that.

“This is MILGRAM's, Es', and also my own decision.”

Es is second to Milgram after all. Kotoko's whole thing is wanting someone or something to give her actions a reason. However, as soon as the source of that reason defies her well, we have a perfect example of her turning on one of those reasons right up there.

[loveregrown]

Thank you for the recommendation! Ita 3am and I can't stop reading! I also haven't stopped crying ever since I started. I'm crying now and I mistyped your name in the search bar three times.

I'M SO SORRY KOTOKO. I READ EVERYTHING THAT'S OUT RIGHT NOW ONE MORNING WHILE DISSOCIATED WHEN I FIRST GOT INTO IT AND I CRODE SO MUCH. WHAT AONO-KUN DOES TO A MF (ノ_＜。) Omg. It is so gutwrenching and it touches on the themes it does so well and so realistically and it really hurts even if other times it's so funny it also just makes you ache. It has got me crunk somebody save me there's so much I could say about it. How the worst aspects of Aono-kun's life & his existence after his death become gradually unearthed, being driven to the brink and getting more and more heavily enmeshed with Yuri as his last link to humanity and being and happy even as he gradually destroys her. How consuming love can be and themes of one's self worth in relation to it.... The discussions of abuse and how different characters feel about it. The topic of grief omg. Somebody sedate me. The deep-rooted mother issues of it all. The dread thuis manga makes you feel.. the dread 😂

I knew you would like it, because the creator of csm likes it and has drawn fanart for it... and... well... clearly it made you feel something. Even the romance between them tears me apart. Ah I could cry thinking about it too hard right now. And the horror that is so excellently pulled off? I actually felt unease so many times. The scenes that are intimate yet don't feel voyeuristic, but personal instead... bububu. Random screenshots of them that I like. I like when he is so detached from his true self and is something else entirely. What is his true self anymore, really?

It's so... real. You know? So sickeningly real. How desperate Yuri was that she just sort of jumped into that relationship with Aono-kun and yet they ended up like this. And what has become of him... bah. I miss fujimoto and horie a lot too. They're all so personal to me I hope I die. I love the dialogue so much and I dont mind the parts where they overexplain the ghosts even if I sometimes skip them because sometimes it's interesting to me and also thats just mio being autistic half of the time it's fine. How far in have you gotten? Have you gotten to the part with yuri's sister it does cocomelon shit to me. Also Her reliance on her relationship on aono and this dream yuri has even ifthis doest Actually happen and isnt reflective of their relationship in the real world... that sort of contradicts how aono feels about her... crazy stuff.

When you're done talk to me about it if you want.... sorry for any spoilers in these screenshots they're ones I had on hand they're not really spoilers without any context though. I'm also sorry I didnt give any tws considering its so heavy lol and I forgot to mention it's not a completed manga yet and the path it's going scares me but intrigues me too. The author is a woman by the way; did you know? It makes a lot of sense to me. uuu its so good. every character I like them. I like aonokun. abd I also want to hold him so badly I could die. Please drink water dear Kotoko!

[genderqueer-miharu]

Tbh i still think a lot of things are being ignored about kazui. The current interpretation people have of him doesn't necessarily sit right with me because it still kinda makes him look better in conparison to the other characters, and when it comes to milgram i'm wary when people make certain characters look either better than others or worse than others prioritizing a certain interpretation of that character above others. This happened with haruka and mu which is why they're now guilty but it also happens the other way around with yuno, mahiru and kazui, especially yuno who a lot of people keep doing the exact thing she complained about in her first interrogation and through the entirety of her second trial, creating an idealized and accepatable version of her in order to decide wether what she did was wrong or not while ignoring a bunch of things in both her videos, something that she also mentioned to Es during her vd. Like these characters are not irredeemable monsters who deserve to suffer for their actions but they're also not just sweet and kind people who just made mistakes and therefore should be forgiven, and it's not fair to just look at one extreme of their characters and running along with it.

And i'm not even against the current theory of kazui being gay, because i do at least think he liked the bartender guy, but t bothers me that people are focusing so much on this one aspect of his storyline that they end up ignoring a bunch of other things in both his videos or not questioning more of the information we currently have. I don't see many people mention how kazui's wife now has eyes when she didn't in Half but that lady at the bar who did have them doesn't have them now? Cause this didn't happen with Mu's group, even though i was fully expecting them to get clear faces they remained eyeless in It's Not My Fault so why does she have a face now? What about the bar scene in Half and the way it's framed, cause the only times we see kazui, the lady and the bartender together we see them from behind, where we can't see kazui's waistcoat or the woman's face, and also the fact that he and the lady change seats between scenes? Or even stuff like how when kazui talks about fighting kotoko he explicitly mentions that in a situation like that it's usually the bigger person that wins which-

you know.

The worst part (or best dependong on what you think of this) is that i can't even be mad about this. Like i can, and i will but even so this is still part of the project. A big part of Milgram is testing the biases people have and what sort of information and framing of events people are willing to overlook in favor of others. That's what this line in Undercover refers to

"Even with accusations full of faults and mistakes. You will for sure, with a smile for sure, be pleased and satisfied"

[amugoffandoms]

Could you do a director's commentary on "Are You In There" from Whumptober?

Heyo, kyanako! I'd be down to! Lemme pull up the fic and I'll be pulling out passages that I remember small details from. So, here we go! Mug's Director Commentary!!

First of all, the title "You in There?" That's basically the Whumptober prompt as its name, but the exact phrase is not used that often in the fic because I didn't feel like Muu would use that exact phrase? At least, she says something else on her birthday, so I decided to just reword the question multiple times.

Ever since the Warden’s second interrogation, she was starting to feel on edge about everything. So, her sleep wasn’t the best. She can probably deal with it eventually, though. It’s not a big deal. She’s going to get forgiven again, anyway. They know it’s not Muu’s fault.

There's no specific time when this beginning scene occurs, but I have a feeling it's a few days after Muu's voting ends. I'd like to think all of the prisoners hear the Voices, so Muu is kind of just actively denying them because she can't be wrong.

”You have to eat, Haruka.” “Aah… I… I guess I do…” “…You have to come out of your room to eat.” “…!! Yes, yes… Um… I can’t do that.”

I wanted Haruka to still lean into what Muu wants because she shows him attention, but then suddenly realize he has to keep his promise first. His promise is the most important thing right now.

...also, it's kinda funny to see the quick switch back and forth.

Mikoto stands in the kitchen area, staring at something. Muu starts slowing down and looking away. Mikoto is a very nice guy, but ever since the end of trial one, he’s gotten a little scary…

I don't actually recall if Muu ever said this, but considering her reaction to Kotoko in trial 1, I kinda think she'd have a similar reaction to Mikoto in Trial 2.

As she turns away from Mikoto, he calls out to Muu one last time. “Hey, tell Haru I hope he’s alright. I’m glad he’s all confident now, but he seems upset now… Or something.” “I will.” ”Thanks.” When Muu makes it back to Haruka’s cell, she can barely hear Haruka inside. “…they forgave me. They forgave me.” “Haruka! I brought you some food.” Muu calls out. “…o-oh! Thank you, Muu.” Something inside Haruka’s cell moves around, probably Haruka before the door slowly opens to half of Haruka’s face.  “Y-you can leave it there…” ”Can we talk in your cell today, then?” “Oh… um… I guess so.” Haruka fully opens his door and Muu finally can talk to someone who listens.

OOOH boy, here's a long one. breaking it down time we ball!!

I feel like, despite pulling away from the group a little out of fear of himself, Mikoto would still notice a few things, especially Haruka changing so much. Plus, I'm pretty sure he's noticed Haruka change even before Trial 2. He's noticed Haruka pulling away, too.

We never actually see Muu tell Haruka that Mikoto hopes he's alright, but I'd like to imagine during their conversation she does. (Not because I forgot that Mikoto had just done that. Definitely not.)

I enjoyed throwing Haruka murmuring that he was forgiven in because I thought it would be nice to include his thoughts on his verdict as well. He cares about Muu's, but he also cares about his because Es affirmed him, right? They said he was good and forgiven. So, why did they take it back? He was right, right? RIGHT??

oops sorry writer mug came in there (that may happen a lot, I like explaining my fics by accidentally writing more in character stuff), anyways.

Once again, going back to Haruka leaning into what Muu wants. He thinks that maybe it's not time just yet, that he has a little longer to think.

“You haven’t left your room in a few days, Haruka… It’s not healthy to be inside all day.”

This sentence implies she's been doing what she was doing in the previous scene every day now. Also kinda funny considering they're inside a prison, but she's telling him that's it's not healthy to be inside all day. I know what I meant inside his room, but STILL!!

Also, side note, i really enjoyed this next passage, so yeah :D!

Yuno sighs. “Fine, then. Even if Haruka clearly wants to be alone, do whatever you want.” “Muu is at least trying to be friends with Haruka. You stopped trying to be friends with anyone after the first trial verdicts were revealed! Can’t you be happy you were forgiven by the Warden?” “Forgiving everyone basically ruined the fun atmosphere here, so I’m upset. The Warden can do whatever they want, but what they’ve done has caused MILGRAM to be entirely bothersome. I don’t want to bother with any of it.” ”Upset? Bothersome? What are you even talking about? Does it even matter if MILGRAM is bothersome? You were forgiven, can’t you relax and enjoy it?”

Yuno's first line is kinda just a reference back to how she has opinions but doesn't act on them that often. She believes that Haruka should be left alone, but if Muu wants to do whatever, then so be it. It's all up to her.

Muu kinda makes a good point here where Yuno pulled away, but it's because of what happened after them. (Which is what Yuno mentions next.) (Also, "forgiving everyone" was an odd term to use here, I think it would've been better to say "Judging everyone," but "Forgiving" works considering how most people acted because they were voted FORGIVEN...

Muu wants to enjoy her... um, past forgiveness, I guess. It's because in that moment, it solidified the fact that she was right. That she was never in the wrong and it could never be her fault, right? So, she's finally able to relax. No one's out there actively trying to hurt her. (Actively look away from Muu's verdict please PLEAS)

“It does matter when people almost died because of MILGRAM! Why are you acting like what happened to Fuuta, Mahiru, and Mikoto never happened? Because it did!” ”What does that have to do with Muu? They deserved it after all.” Yuno stares at Muu. “What the fuck do you mean they deserved—”

OHH I needed this scene emotionally actually JAIODJOWIA I really wanted Muu and Yuno to fight, especially over this because they definitely have differing views on this. Yuno talks to Mahiru, who was severely impacted by Kotoko's attacks. She even mentions in her second voice drama that Kotoko is the type of person to make an assumption and not go beyond that.

On the other hand, Muu mentions that Kotoko's attacks were sorta deserved because Es did not forgive them.

so. woo D:!

”P-please stop f-fighting…!” Haruka squeaks out. Yuno and Muu quickly turn to Haruka standing in front of his cell door. “I-I know it’s my fault for not leaving m-my cell, so… it’s okay… Yuno, um… I’ll walk with Muu. I love walking with her.” “See! It was a good thing Muu didn’t leave Haruka alone!” Muu grins. Yuno stares blankly at the two before shaking her head and walking to her cell. “Oh, and, Muu… Just to let you know…” ”Eh, what does Yuno want?” “The Warden said the forgiveness was temporary.” With a chill going down Muu’s spine, Yuno enters her cell without another word. Glancing at Haruka, they both already realize they knew that.

Looking back at this, I sometimes have like a fifty-fifty opinion on Haruka's lines, but I think they kinda work. (I don't remember if he's ever broken up a fight as well, so this could be a first for him and he doesn't want to mess up. Not after everyone thought he was being so good.) He wants them to stop fighting about him. He appreciates the attention, but he doesn't want to be the source of someone else's torment again. He blames himself because that's all he's ever known.

Also, I really wanted to drop that "Forgiveness is temporary line" because 1) It's coming from Yuno, who believes she can't even be seen as something other than forgiven and 2) it's towards the two prisoners who lost their forgiveness. That line drills in the fact that they weren't forgiven again. And, it's terrifying.

"Haruka?” Muu knocks on the cell door. There is no response.  “I brought you some food.” Muu holds the food up higher as if he would see it through the door. “Are you alive?”  There is no response. She’s… starting to get scared now.  "You haven't grown mold or anything?” Muu tries joking. There is no— Haruka’s cell door slowly opens with Haruka looking at the food and Muu. Haruka looks down. ”.....Oh, thank you very much. Muu, I'm sorry, that ..... I..” Muu shakes her head. ”Don't shut yourself up in that cell forever! You have to eat properly too, you know? I understand if you feel this way though, the recent atmosphere has been feeling bad lately.” "Um, I said it's okay..... I, thought of what I should do, a little.” Haruka mumbles.

You might recognize this! It's because it's Haruka's birthday timeline from a while back!! I really wanted to include it because this fic is very much based around Haruka pulling away to fulfill his promise and Muu checking in every time.

This is when anaphora my beloved comes in and I begin to repeat the phrase "There is no response." more often :D. You could actually see it in the last scene, too!!

“Thought about what you should do…?” Muu blinks before slowly nodding. “…oh, Muu remembers.” “…I’m glad.” He smiles. “…” Muu exhales. “I think that you should… do what you want to do, Haruka.” “E-eh… What does that mean…?” "I'm... worried, that's all." Haruka looks up at Muu, who, even if she still seems confident, has a bit of fear behind her confidence. “Muu, you… you don’t have to worry… I’m just thinking about what to do, for you, right…?” Haruka smiles. “Y…yeah. Okay. Yeah.” Muu exhales before giving him a small smile, which he returns. She hands over some food which he takes with a nod. “Muu hopes she sees Haruka next time she drops off the food.” “…yeah.” Haruka nods. Muu looks around before finally leaving. “What do I do, what do I do, to keep... My promise. For Muu’s sake....”

I believe this is the only time I write in Haruka's POV? I kinda wanted to have a small glimpse into Haruka's side, but not too much considering this is a Muu-POV fic!

Here's also where I branch off from the original timeline but go right back to it. I really wanted for them to have a conversation about Haruka's promise. Although Muu seemed pretty nonchalant about what Haruka's promise was in Queen B, she also believes that friends are people who let you do what you want because they listen to you. She cares for Haruka. If she didn't, she wouldn't have done everything she's done for him. She's worried, and she doesn't want him to go through with it because she can't lose another friend, another person who listened to her because who else would?

“Are you there? Are you alive?” She tries joking. It worked a couple of times before, but this time, no response. Muu swallows; her fear is slowly rising. “You have to come out… It’s… bad for you! And, you have to eat, too!” Muu knocks on the door a little longer this time. She places the dish on the ground as she knocks even more. No response. “Haruka! Please!” Muu screams at the door. “Muu— I miss talking to you. I miss talking to someone. The atmosphere has been feeling so bad lately and… I’m scared— Please. Just— Just come out this one time…! Or, write something to me and slip it under the door! Please!” No response.

Oh, here comes hell (and my friend anaphora!). Alright, so this is when Muu really shows how terrified of losing friends again. Last time that happened, she was left to deal with the bullying of everyone and she can't do that again.

She tries joking because that's what she believes will work first. Then, sorta telling him that he has to come out because it's not healthy because it worked last time.

Then, she loses it because she's terrified. She can't let this happen again.

She even stops using "Muu" (which, although I don't use it often when writing for Muu, it's an intentional switch). She just needs someone.

“Haruka!” Muu places her head against the door and begins banging the door with her hand. “…please, please…!” No response.

This is a reference to her After Pain scene where she's banging from the inside of the hourglass. She's begging. She's back to where she once was and she can't have that; she can't have that.

“I’m begging you. Please— Please just leave your cell! I’m scared. I’m scared. I don’t— I don’t want to lose you. You’re my friend, Haruka. Please don’t leave me—” Muu sobs. No response.

This is basically a repeat of what I said, but Muu is terrified of losing Haruka. She's gotten "better" in her eyes and she can't go back to when she was on the ground, getting kicked around and ignored again. She can't lose someone who listens and cares. She can't lose Haruka because he's her friend. She can't lose someone to something stupid like judgment again.

“Please… Haruka…” Muu begs. “I’m scared. I can’t… I don’t want to lose a friend again…” “…Are… you alive…?” No response.

She's terrified. She can't do this again. (It can't be her fault, right!? It was Rei's fault first. Is it hers? Is Haruka dying her fault? She didn't mean this. She didn't mean anything wrong. She was supposed to be FORGIVEN.)

She's in the same position as when she killed Rei, except it's worse because Haruka cared. He listened. He listened.

And, he's not listening, and he's not responding. Say something! Anything! Muu needs to know he's still alive.

“…you in there…?” Muu quietly asks the door. There is no response.

Muu needs Haruka to be alive, in there, because who else would be there for her?

Anyways.

I mentioned this in the ending notes, but I was intentionally vague with how it ended, so you can interpret what really happened to Haruka. Is it a dream? Is he sleeping in? Did he fulfill his promise?

As a fan standpoint, good God, he has to be sleeping in. As a writer, honestly, let's see where MILGRAM goes.

So, that's my director's commentary! Thank you for reading through this longgg post ahah. Sorry for the moments where I blended commentary with writing, it helps me explain sometimes ;;

If anyone else would like to give some commentary (whether long or short, a whole fic or selected passage), I'd love to do this again ^^!!

[a-student-out-of-time]

ASOOT Timeline: December 2012 (Goodbye 2012, Hello 2013!)

I’m splitting this update into two parts, since two months were covered. The January part shall be very short, but here’s the December part. Enjoy–Timeline Anon

December 26: 

Hajime and Hibiki have finished packing four bags for their ski trip. Hajime mentions that they should probably be careful with the relationship stuff while there, given that the Cuddle Puddle is supposed to be secret. Hibiki reluctantly agrees, but she still is planning on having sex with Hajime while at the resort, and Keiko has snuck some condoms into their luggage. Hajime and Hibiki say goodbye to Hiroshi and Keiko and are then picked up by Yoruko, Mikan, and Kotoko. After picking up Sonia, Gundham, and Hiyoko, Yoruko drops everyone off at the train station, and they leave on the hour-and-a-half bullet train ride to the Shinzen Resort in the Hida Mountains.

Nikei is happy because his latest article is ahead of five major news sites in terms of web traffic, while Iroha is waiting on a package that contains a Christmas present for Makoto and a birthday present for Maku. They are visited by Erina, who wanted to check on them upon hearing of their existence; she’s concerned that they’re living in a dirty old warehouse, and so she cleans it for them. Iroha, who is still planning out the mission to save her siblings, gets a call from Makoto asking to hang out while he runs some errands. As she leaves, she asks Nikei to wrap her package if it gets back before she does. Erina soon finds out that Nikei hasn’t slept or eaten much today because he’s been so busy with journalism, so she insists that he eat an actual meal. He eats some noodles, they talk about their lives, and Nikei opens up a little about his parental issues. Erina tells him that he can rely on her from now on, and she even makes him some chicken cacciatore for dinner.

Maku’s doing some strength training at the gym when he gets a call from Iroha. She fills him in on Erina’s visit, tells him that she’s spending the day with Makoto, and asks that he stay out of the Void Warehouse for a while. He agrees and wishes her a good day before he gets another call, this time from Emma. She says that her flight back home has been delayed because of the weather, but he encourages her not to worry about it and to keep having a good time.

It’s Maku’s birthday. He turns 16. Unfortunately, it’s also the 10th anniversary of his diagnosis, so it’s not a very happy day for him. He freaks out about it in the gym bathroom, worrying about what will happen to him if his illnesses do come back and whether or not the other Voids will be all right if worse comes to worst, but he eventually pulls himself together and resolves to talk to his friends about his problems.

Makoto and Iroha go to the local pet store so that Makoto can buy some birdseed, as he’s been tasked with taking care of a friend’s pet bird while they’re out of town. He also wants to pick up some cat food for his mom, who’s looking after the neighbor’s cat. In the cat food aisle, Iroha runs into Tamami Furuichi, an expert in animal care, and she helps her find some quality cat food. Makoto comes over, meets Tamami, and recognizes her as being a future member of Class 78. They bond over their excitement to go to Hope’s Peak, Tamami advises Makoto on what food is best to get for cats and birds, and Iroha, who remembers that Tamami will likely die if she goes to Hope’s Peak, tells them that it’s best for them all to keep in touch. She has already developed a crush on Tamami, naturally, and she wants to save her. 

Once they are done with their errands, Iroha kisses Makoto, and they both rejoice over having made a new friend. Then, Iroha tells Makoto everything about her family and begs for his help to save her siblings. Makoto comforts her and agrees to go with her to the charity event so that they can save the Nijiue siblings and expose the Nijiue parents once and for all. Upon finding out that Sayaka will be there, he admits that he would like to meet her again. He and Iroha go back home to investigate Class 49, and during this investigation, they find out that one of that class’s members, Sakura Chigusa, has since married and changed her name to Sakura Arima. She is Ayumi’s mother.

Hajime has been exercising more, since his therapist told him it was a good idea. He now has a six-pack.

The Cuddle Puddle arrives at the Shizen Resort and rides a gondola up the mountain. They have fun on the ride for the most part, although Mikan’s fear of heights makes her nervous, but the others let her hold on to them for comfort. They walk (Hajime carries Hiyoko) to the resort, where they meet Miwa Mori, who gives them a tour and thanks them for saving Fumio. Once everyone’s been shown their rooms, Miwa takes Hajime aside and questions him about his engagement to Hiyoko, since he said earlier in the year that he was dating Chiaki and Mikan. Hajime says it’s complicated but that there’s no hard feelings and they’re all friends now, and Miwa accepts that explanation and hopes that they all enjoy their stay. Hajime reminds Hiyoko that they all need to keep their relationship on the down-low while they’re here, only for him to discover that Keiko has put condoms in his bag. Everyone goes out to have fun on the slopes together.

Maku comes home to find the warehouse clean, Nikei asleep, and Iroha’s package on the doorstep. Erina has made him a carrot cake for his birthday. Iroha shows up right on Maku’s heels, takes her package, and goes to wrap it; shortly afterwards, Nikei wakes up, and Emma joins the party via Skype from the UK. Iroha returns and gives Maku his birthday gift, which is a gold bracelet with an infinity symbol on it to symbolize the Voids sticking together forever. This brings Maku to tears. He opens up to everyone about his past, his fears of his Divine Luck running out and his illnesses coming back, and his worries about if the other Voids will be all right if he dies. The Voids reaffirm their love and support for him, assuring him that they’ll be okay either way and that they’re with him no matter what. They all share a group hug and agree to keep moving forward day by day. Iroha tells the Voids about her investigation and has a brainstorm in the process, and with that, the group celebrates what Maku considers to be his best birthday in a long time. 

December 27: 

At the Nanamis’ new apartment, Nikei, Iroha, Erina, Harumi, Tenmei, Mahiru, Kaori, and Hitoshi gather to discuss Class 49. Harumi tells everyone about her friends the Sakuras, three girls named Sakura who were major troublemakers and got expelled in their second year. These are Sakura Sakura, Sakura Fushimi, and Sakura Chigusa. There’s also Ernesto Gomez, who dropped out in his first year after racist bullying from Emina.

Kyoka and Hibito Mioda show up to the meeting, Kyoka happily reunites with her former classmates, and they instantly agree to help. Kyoka tells everyone more details about each of her classmates. Most notably, she relates the Sakuras’ story. Sakura Chigusa was an airhead who is now a PE teacher, Sakura Fushimi was an aggressive girl who is now a successful fashion designer, and Sakura Sakura was a troublemaking queen bee type with an eating disorder who orchestrated a plot to set off a bomb in the Kamakura statue in front of Hope’s Peak a few days before her 18th birthday. Tenmei did his best to disarm the bomb, but it still knocked off the statue’s head, and the Sakuras were expelled as a result. Sakura Sakura has since cut off contact with everyone and seemingly disappeared off the face of the Earth. Nikei offers to track her down. He and Mahiru want to interview the Sakuras, while Kaori suggests checking out Big Sight, where the charity event will be hosted.

Iroha tells the group about her family, expresses regret that she ran away without them, and begs for help to save them. Everyone swears that they will. The former members of Class 49 are eager to reunite with their old friends as well. Iroha hugs Nikei and thanks him (and everyone else) for everything.

December 28:

At the resort, Hajime and Chiaki race each other on snowboards, Gundham attempts an epic snowboard entrance only to miscalculate the landing and end up in a flurry of snow, and Hibiki has trouble stopping and then falls down a hole. Meanwhile, Mikan is learning to ski in an effort to conquer her fear, and she’s got the support of Hiyoko and Kotoko. 

Sonia has finished Kikue’s book. She tells the others about it and offers to introduce them to Kikue when they return to school.

Later, Hibiki confides to Sonia that she’s nervous about her upcoming first time with Hajime. Sonia, who’s a bit more experienced in such matters, gives her advice on what to do, which turns into a short practical demonstration on how to initiate things. Gundham walks in on this, gets the wrong idea, and leaves all flustered. Hibiki thanks Sonia for her help.

Hibiki and Hiyoko talk, and Hibiki apologizes for her part in the ill-timed date. Hiyoko is currently feeling bad about all the bad things she’s done in the past, plus she feels slightly smothered by her mother’s attempts to make up for lost time and wishes she’d stop trying so hard. She even feels upset about her grandmother; apparently, Izumi looked very sad when Maiko last went to see her about custody paperwork, and despite everything, Hiyoko is having trouble letting go of her relationship with Izumi. Hibiki relates to that, since she herself couldn’t let go of Kanade and agreed to the mindwipe because of it. Now, though, she understands that Kanade has to go back to jail once the list is done. Both girls agree that they’ll treat their kids well, and Hiyoko thanks Hibiki for taking care of Hajime. They hug. Hajime arrives, and they go to get dinner.

Mikan admits to Chiaki and Kotoko that dealing with Yumi has caused her to want to bring her own mother to justice for her crimes. Chiaki and Kotoko assure her that they can easily add Tsukasa to the list of people to take care of come January. Chiaki hugs Mikan and thanks her for inspiring her to be better. They share a kiss.

Setsuka and Umeko go to the Tokyo Detention House to talk with Mai, only to find out that she is due to be released today by order of the Steering Committee. Mai doesn’t want Nagisa back, as she considers him a failed experiment, but not even Hideyoshi can keep her in jail, and she leaves with a few smug remarks to everyone present. Umeko breaks down in tearful anger.

Nikei has secured the details on Sakura Fushimi’s fashion business, and he has also found out that Sakura Arima is Aoi Asahina’s swimming coach. He has yet to find anything on Sakura Sakura, though. As he and Iroha speculate on the missing Sakura’s whereabouts, Umeko, Setsuka, and Ayame show up with the news of Mai’s release. Everyone’s very upset about it until Nikei gives them all a pep talk to reassure them that they can easily take her down if she tries anything. He’s even willing to team up with the 76 Squad if necessary, despite his issues with Masa. The group is revitalized by the potent mixture of hope and spite, and Nikei is already planning to write an article in response to this.

Iroha has a theory that Sayaka is the fourth time traveler, hence why she’s going to the charity event and why she did that concert after the prison break. Umeko doesn’t find it very likely, since Sayaka died in the Tragedy timeline, but she agrees to take a closer look at her long-range scanner and see if she missed something.

Taira is spending the night at the Fujimoris’ place to make sure that Ayumu gets enough sleep to help him recover from a cold.

Later, once Nikei has finished his article, he spends time with Ayame and confides to her that he was doing his best to be positive. The extra sleep he’s gotten thanks to Erina certainly helps. He thanks Ayame for all she’s done to help them and for making Taira happy, and he admits that she makes him happy too. Ayame says that Taira often talks about how far Nikei’s come. She’s also concerned about if she’s girly enough and whether or not she could pull off wearing a dress, and Nikei tells her that she could if she wanted to. After Nikei tells Ayame that she has beautiful eyes, they kiss and cuddle on the couch, and she stays over the night. 

It’s Damian’s birthday. He turns 18.

December 29:

Chiaki, Mikan, and Kotoko are woken up at 2 AM by a scary message on the TV. It seems to be the Basilisk, threatening to kill them all unless they give up Ayumu. Fortunately, it’s just Etsuya playing a prank. With him are Naoko, Sunako, and Kaori Momota (Sunako’s adopted daughter and Taito’s best friend). The 2030 group has finally established a permanent connection with their counterparts in 2012, so they can talk with them whenever it’s needed. The rest of the Cuddle Puddle join the meeting, as do Taito, Kana, Itsuki, and Sayuri, and they all meet each other (much to their delight). Kotoko is also happy to hear that she does acting and charity work in the future.

After assuring the 2012 group that they are almost all safe at the Kisaragi Foundation now, the 2030 group gives Mikan the go-ahead to deal with Tsukasa if she so chooses. It also comes out that if the 76 Squad is left alone for now, they will eventually ally with the Quantum Crew on their own. Furthermore, the Quantum Crew must keep an eye out for someone named Himari Matsunaga, who they can also ask Kyoji about.

Talk turns to Mai’s release from prison, and an uncomfortable truth about her is revealed: she is pregnant with a child intended to replace Nagisa as the Shingetsus’ experimental subject. Said child is Naoko. Because of this, the Quantum Crew must leave Mai alone for now, lest they jeopardize Naoko’s existence.

Sunako and Kaori tell that 2012 group that they need to focus on stuff they can control, that they’re doing great, that they shouldn’t be too hard on themselves, and that everyone believes in them. The Quantum Crew thanks them and expresses their love for their future children.

December 30: At the Yamazaki Family Restaurant, Keiko talks to Sofia Yamazaki about how her life’s been going lately. She’s worried about Hajime, regretful over some of her outbursts towards him in the past, and wondering how best to support him and if she’s even cut out to be a mom. Sofia talks about her own stepbrother, Asahi, who idolizes star soccer player Mitsuhiro Higa and has argued with her over that, but they’ve made up. She tells Keiko that you can have arguments with your family and still care about them, and she advises her to talk with Hajime more often. Keiko agrees that communication is a good idea.

December 31: 

It’s New Year’s Eve. The Cuddle Puddle prepares for the party, and Hibiki (with extra cheerleading from Sonia) prepares for her first time with Hajime. Miwa stops by to express the hope that 2013 will be better than 2012. Meanwhile, Hajime is dealing with the bad memories he has associated with parties.

At the Shinzen Resort New Year’s Eve party, Miwa greets the Cuddle Puddle, thanks them for coming, and wishes Hajime a happy early birthday. Everyone has fun, and although Hajime is still troubled by the mistakes he made in 2012, the others assure him that he has done good things as well. They all agree to keep improving. A revitalized Hajime takes the stage and sings “Don’t Stop Me Now” to the ecstatic partygoers.

It’s Harumi’s birthday. She turns 44.

//Finally, we have completed 2012. Great work! ^^

[memoriashell]

with age comes wisdom ( or at the very least, entirely unneccessary celebrations )

Characters /  Pairing: Fukawa Touko / Naegi Komaru ( focused ), Syo / Komaru, Warriors of Hope

crossposted on ao3

Notes: happy @tokomaruweek week everyone!! i love these funky wlw so i am going to try and have some stuff up this week, but i probably won’t manage to do the whole week / i'll go back to do the ones i miss afterwards? we’ll see.

for today i decided to combine the birthdays + warriors of hope prompts.

i’m also just ignoring canon’s timeline bc god knows i did not want to figure out that bs sorry dr3 ily but i dont love you that much just know it is somewhere post sdr2 / pre dr3 probably?

i also use they/them for syo ( nonbinary hc ) and while there aren’t any specific trauma mentions, given the group of characters this revolves around, there’s refrences to the fact they have shit lives. and some lighthearted murder jokes and self-deprication?

Summary: nothing says happy birthday quite like babysitting her ( favorite ) group of brats

It’s just her luck that this would happen— a coincidence for sure, but that doesn’t make Touko any happier about the whole thing.

This is the situation: they don’t usually see the ( former ) Warriors of Hope much. The kids stay on their side of Towa, and her and Komaru tend to stick closer to the adults. The adults are the ones that need to be kept under supervision, in her opinion. Not that the kids are blameless, but is there much reasoning with brainwashed kids? No. Of course not. Are the adults also practically brainwashed and hard to reason with. Yes. Would this all be easier if Future Foundation was involved? Yes. Yes it would, but for obvious reasons they are not ( they have all agreed to omit some information from public record for the sake of those involved, and right now Naegi’s stunt with the Remnants have Future Foundation’s attention away from them ).

Sometimes Komaru takes some of the things that they get over to the kids because things are rough enough as it is, and Syo will go with her because they can keep the Monokuma off their tracks better. Or you know, because Syo is generally more helpful to Komaru when it comes to things like that. She’s not jealous.

Allegedly— Touko does not know this for a fact herself since she hadn’t been fronting, and only learns this second hand while she is in the middle of typing up a report to send back to the foundation— Kotoko is the one to bring it up, casually handing off some of her share of the cookies Komaru had made for them, to Jataro. An early birthday present, she had said ( pointedly ignoring Nagisa, who’d pointed out she had given Jataro the ones he hated ), before turning to Komaru to ask if they could throw a party. A small one. With no murder, because that would be ‘totally not adorbs’. And no adults, because they stink ( it goes unsaid that Komaru and Touko themselves are the clear exception to this rule, which is some kind of progress, supposedly ).

That seemed like a fairly reasonable request, according to Komaru, who’s only response was to ask when his birthday was. And then accidentally lets it slip that hey, that’s the week that Touko-chan’s birthday is! And that’s how Touko finds out that apparently, she’s having a joint birthday party with the kids because Masaru managed to turn a party into a competition, somehow? Touko has no clue what that actually entails, because Komaru refuses to elaborate.

( Also, at one point before leaving, Komaru had tried asking Jataro if there was anything she could get him; to which he’d remarked, “A new mask?”

...Yeah, Touko can’t blame her for not knowing what to say to that, even if Komaru had spun it as not the most self-deprecating thing he could have said, which was an improvement? She personally disagrees, but whatever )

Here, she should point out the obvious fact that she does not want to really celebrate her birthday, let alone have a party for it. Because those kind of things lean so far into the zone of things Touko doesn’t really know how to handle, that it makes her close to uncomfortable. And if— if she had humored herself in imagining how she would ideally spend her birthday this year; quite frankly, it would be very quiet and boring and only with Komaru. Not with a group of ten year olds. Ten year olds that she might think of rather fondly, but ten year old brats all the same.

( It’s not like she has any alive friends: if Touko acknowledges the other survivors, justifiably they are too busy with more important matters to fuss over a birthday. They aren’t kids anymore. Some of them hadn’t ever really been like normal kids to begin with, but that’s besides the point )

“Look at the bright side,” She starts, and she bites back a snide what bright side and remark about how that’s all Komaru’s good at ( it’s not. She’s more talented than she gives herself credit for ). “None of you probably have really positive memories when it comes to birthdays or parties, so even if it isn’t the greatest, at least the bar to please should be pretty easy to clear!”

Touko thinks she probably gets the point she is trying to make here, but Komaru’s complete and utter lack of tact doesn’t make for the best delivery. “Are you trying to...to make me feel bad? S-So sorry my life was complete sh-shit growing up.”

“No! That’s not what I meant at all!” Komaru pouts at her. “Does that mean you’re not interested in having a party?”

It’s not like she’s so cold-hearted and selfish that she’s going to say no to that. Well, no, that’s not quite true, Touko might be just that; but it doesn’t really matter either way, because Komaru gives her best kicked dog impression, so she says ( a less than enthusiastic ) no, she doesn’t mind, yes you can have a party; even if she thinks she’ll probably regret that choice.

Okay, if you are to be honest with herself, some part of Touko that never got to be a normal child doesn’t entirely mind the thought of a party, even if it’s...not the most ideal scenario, the impractical fantasy situation that lives in her head. But if she says that aloud, Komaru will either take it too seriously, use it as an excuse to celebrate things more often, or something else that probably has consequences that she doesn’t want to think about. And also admittedly because if she says it aloud, she has to acknowledge it, and maybe she doesn't want to get her hopes up over something as stupid as a party.

( There’s also the fact that, deep in her extremely repressed memories of Hope’s Peak before the tragedy, she does remember parties. Birthdays. Celebrating things with her classmates, if somewhat forcibly so. She has no desire to remember those things, so those feelings remain repressed with most of her trauma )

It’s easy to not acknowledge any of that when she has to deal with the sudden onslaught of a headache that is Syo forcing themselves into their shared headspace, hand rubbing at her temples. Not trying to co-front, she can tell they aren’t trying to snatch control from her ( for now ), just forcing her to pay attention to them. It works, even though Touko has told them to not do this specifically because of how irritating it is for her.

I could scare the kids into cooperating? It’ll save us a headache and a half! Syo offers, maybe too eagerly. Their ideas of scare and cooperate are probably different from her own. Still. She also knows Syo is aware of more than they are letting on, given that they had been present when this conversation had occurred, but she doesn’t think she’ll get much out of them in that regard.

No. Touko tells them firmly. It’ll be counterproductive, Komaru won’t let you do that, and they’re all traumatized enough without you adding to that.

Boo, you sure about that? Consider it a birthday gift from me!

No. She repeats herself sternly, and she feels them withdraw a bit after that. Ugh, Syo hasn’t had a chance to front much recently, now that she thinks about it. Since they usually only take over when she’s in danger, and she hasn’t really been in ( as much ) danger now that things are starting to calm down. Well, relatively speaking. Syo is probably just looking for an excuse to be allowed to front, since it’s probably rough going from being very present to rarely getting the chance to be out: akin to going cold turkey on an addiction. That’s not exactly her fault ( or theirs ), but maybe she’ll ask Komaru if she’d be okay with hanging out with Syo more, if only to placate them a little, before they try something more drastic.

“Everything okay? That was Syo, right?” She hears Komaru ask after a few minutes, and Touko rubs her eyes and blinks. “You looked a little frustrated.”

She considers telling her the truth, but no point in getting her concerned over nothing. She’d like to figure out what she wants to negotiate with Syo firstm so she’ll leave that conversation for another time. “Fine. They just...ugh, just wanted to make sure I was okay with it.”

“And you are okay with it, right? You aren’t agreeing just because I asked?” Touko thinks she begged more than she asked, but she’s pretty sure Komaru will only sulk if she brings that up.

“I wouldn’t let you if, if I was really opposed to it.” Probably. She...trusted Komaru, or something like that, so she figures she’d probably be more honest with herself and not mentally torture herself by putting herself through something she has no interest in. “But...what are you even planning on doing to celebrate? I can’t im-imagine we’ve really got much around here that we can use for a party.”

“Ah. Uhm.” Komaru looks a little embarrassed at that. “About that. I was kind of hoping you and Syo might help pitch in. You don’t mind, right?”

You’re hopeless, she wants to mutter, but—

Yeah!!!! Syo wakes right back up upon being mentioned, no sense of self awareness at all, much to your annoyance, but it’s not like you completely disagree with the feeling that is shared between you two.

“You— You really bit off more than you could chew, hm...? Good thing this wasn’t supposed t-t-to be a surprise.” She quips, leaning over to peer at the paper she’d been making her notes on. “We’ll help, just tell us what we...what we need to do.”

“Thank you, Touko-chan! And Syo too!” Komaru sounds somewhere mixed between grateful and relieved, and casually plants a kiss on her cheek as if it’s no big deal—

She said my name last, so the kiss was for me! She knows Syo is intentionally trying to provoke her and get a rise out of her ( yeah, a rising sense of jealousy ), but puts that aside for the time being because Komaru’s blabbering on like nothing happened.

“I know we probably won’t have the whole day to ourselves to do whatever—” Correctomundo, Dekomaru! “— but I’ll make it up to you on your birthday, okay? We’ll do something that you want.”

“You don't...there’s no need for that.” She forces out between gritted teeth, trying to ignore the flustered feeling in the pit of her stomach, chewing around a fingernail ( what an unattractive sight to follow that ). “Because— ugh, don’t repeat th-this, okay? What I want to do is spend time with...with you. That’s all. So don’t go...you don’t need to go out of your way trying to do s-s-something over the top. Stick to being normal.”

“Really? You’re sure?” Komaru sounds a little uncertain, but happy enough to pull her into a hug, despite her grumbled complaint. “Oh, but Syo has their own birthday, don’t they? So I should probably ask them what they want as well, right?”

“Don’t make me repeat m-myself. It’s embarrassing...” Touko huffs, but lets herself be held against her side, just for a moment. It’s nice, though she won’t admit it ( it is better than any real gift that she could receive ). Syo is kind enough to back off long enough to let her have this moment. “You can ask them later— focus on, on what you need to plan.”

By something short of a miracle, they are able to pull together a party that is not a complete disaster, even if Komaru probably has a point when she says the bar to clear is a pretty low standard for all parties involved. The closest she has to an actual concern is the very narrowly avoided fight that almost breaks out when Masaru and Kotoko fight over which one of them should give their present first— which is apparently the competitive aspect of the party? It’s probably meant to be heartwarming, if it were not such a foreign thing to Touko. Which Nagisa is quick to put an end to: because this is how they would treat Monaca, which is not inherently healthy, and she’s glad that at least one of them can recognize that fact now. Jataro spends the entirety of the fight trying to hide behind her long skirt and, relatable kid, and rubs the top of his head while Komaru tries to both scold them for fighting and appease them because they’re, well. Kids. Who still need to learn some things and have time to unlearn things.

So yeah, it’s a good party— for not being on her actual birthday, she’ll consider it one of the better memories Touko has associated with the day. The start of many, she’d like to hope.

[mikumanogi-blog]

2017-09-01 “Even though I know it” Kubo Shiori Blog #22 [ENG]

Ninth month, September, ninth month of the lunar calendar.

Summer is over. It is the arrival of both hot and cold days. Everyone, you haven’t fallen ill have you? Every year at the changing of the seasons I, Kubo Shiori, feel unwell. But I wanted to ask. To tell you the truth, since joining Nogizaka46 I haven’t fallen ill a single time and moving forward I don’t play on getting sick. Above all else, your health is the most important.

 Hello everyone, thank you for your continuous hard work. I’m Nogizaka46’s 3rd generation member, 1st year high school student, 16-year-old, Kubo Shiori. It’s a pleasure to meet you. LET’S GO!!!!! It’s been a while since I’ve done a ��here you go’(´･_･`)

My notepad is just bursting with all the stuff I want to tell you today.

Without delay, let’s get into it!

 August 22nd and 23rd was the Midsummer Tour in Nagoya!!! Thank you very much!!! “AHHH it was so fun (´･_･`) so hot (´･_･`) so hype!!” As expected, live concerts are the best aren’t they. On top of that I think it’s also good that the atmosphere due to the venue is different.

In Nagoya I ate chicken wings! I also ate Oni-manju (´･_･`) it was delicious (´･_･`) I want to go back to Nagoya! (Is what I say, but I’ll be there in 3 days) At any rate it was a fun two days. Thank you.

On the next day, August 24th, I participated in the ‘Seventeen summer school festival!’ It was super fun (´･_･`) But I was quite, considerably, fairly nervous... It was also my first time walking down a runway… I wondered whether or not they would be accepting of a reader, and so I had feelings of uneasiness  (´･_･`) But there were people that made sign boards and fans for me… I was overjoyed (´･_･`) Thanks to the nice senior models at SEVENTEEN I became more relaxed and half way through I was able to enjoy myself. I’m genuinely full of feelings of gratitude. Being able to work as a model I’m glad that I’m able to show off a different side of Nogizaka 46’s Kubo Shiori to everyone. I hope you can see me model more.

 At this moment, I’ll be participating in ‘Girls Award 2017’ as a model for Seventeen. Thank you very much. Because I’m working as an exclusive model for seventeen, regardless of the fact that I’ve just been signed, I’m overjoyed and thankful for being given such a precious opportunity. I don’t know (´･_･`) but, I definitely feel stiff from nerves. (´･_･`) Although I feel nervous, I think it will be good to attend this event while being able to enjoy myself. I’ll do my best. Thank you very much.

 The weather’s been unstable recently hasn’t it (´･_･`)

When I was in 4th grade, I had to take a picture, somewhere around the school, of a place that looked like a face. Based on that, I had to draw a character based on that for one of the major assignments for my drawing class.  While people were saying things like

“The windows in the gym look like eyes!” or “The shoe boxes look like a mouth!”

I thought that the screws on the blackboard eraser looked like a pair of eyes and so I took a picture of the blackboard eraser. Furthermore, the setting for the character was someone that controlled the weather form up above the clouds. Even I don’t know why I chose the blackboard eraser and why I gave this character that setting. I can’t help that it is a mystery.

 August 27th, the national handshake event in Nagoya. Thank you very much〜 I was paired with Ayano chan! Yoshida Ayano Christie chan. It made me happy that there were a lot of people that came to the lane that said, “I came to be healed,” (´･_･`) The effects of Ayano chan’s healing powers are immense. Those who desire healing please make sure to shake hands with Ayano chan(´･_･`) Her healing powers are so good that even I, who was watching from beside her, wanted to go line up (´･_･`) It was a lot of fun! Thank you very much!

The same day was Matsumura san’s birthday. “I’m very shy around strangers but I plucked up the courage to come wish Matsumura san a happy birthday, directly,” is what I told her. “Her smile is beautiful,” is what I always think to myself. Happy Birthday!

It was also Hazuki’s birthday recently! We were sharing a hotel room and so I sneakily hid a letter for her under a box of chocolates she was carrying. However, because I hid it it’s a mystery as to whether she read it. Happy Birthday!

Oh yeah, on the day of the handshake event I got to meet Iku san for the first time in a while ♡ More than meeting her I’m glad that she’s healthy〜

 Next, I’m going to talk about a story that happened 5 minutes before the mini live concert. Kana san was chasing after Kotoko san. The one fleeing was Kotoko san, the one chasing was Kana san. “That looks amazing,” I said grinning while watching them…then suddenly “Whaaaaat? When did this happen,” Kan san and I trapped Kotoko san and we caught her with a SQUEEZE. While they were talking about “Let’s go on stage like this〜 Just kidding,” I let the bliss of that moment wash over me. (You’re jealous aren’t you) Happy Birthday Kotoko san!!

I have a lot of stories from that day.

 Going back a day to August 26th. There was a special event for the 3rd album, there was a Pop-up pirate party, tea party, portrait party, thank you for attending!!

If there was one event I wanted to talk about first it would be… that I’m really bad at pop-up pirate, genuinely. Therefore, all the fans that came got to see me put one hand over my ear as I pushed in the stick. Then, the further and further we got into the game I found it more and more difficult to continue… I’m sorry.. Each time I put a stick in I would scream… I caused trouble for the people around as well… I’ll reflect upon this (´･_･`) By the way out of 5 people I lost 5 times. Another way to look at it is that I’m glad I was able to give everyone winning as present.

Next! The tea party! I talked one on one with everyone but outside of that, due to my shyness of strangers, I didn’t drink my tea and it went by in a hurry (´･_･`)

Portrait drawing party, the things I’m most guilty for is whether or not my drawing skills are good or bad… If you’re happy with what I drew then I think that’s alright.

 Koshien is over, after thinking ‘I feel empty’ (´･_･`) it was announced that the Japanese soccer team would be appearing at the world cup. I was so happy wasn’t I 〜 I’m looking forward to it! On top of that, in September, Vollyaball will be starting. “Ahh 〜 I’m so excited (´･_･`) I need to watch it!

 Thank you for your patience! Even though I did it recently in a SHOWROOM stream, I’ve been wanting to do a Q&A! (Is what I’ve been saying, but it would make this blog even longer and so I’ll split it up for the next blog)

I really want to do another SHOWROOM stream 〜 Before I say, ‘Let’s start the Q&A’ this is the popular forehead from when I streamed.

·         What are some summer memories from this year?

Hmmm… This year my summer-like memories would be, probably watching one my favorite movies ‘Summer wars,”? I always have the desire to watch Hosoda Mamoru movies in the summer. I love them.

·         How does Kubo chan spend her day at home?

If, I have the whole day off, what I want to do after cleaning, washing and other housework is probably non-stop watching videos. After that, probably writing letters. No, I definitely write letters.

·         How do you pick yourself up when you’re feeling down?

I’m really bad at picking myself up. Therefore, I just wait until those feelings to disappear.

·         What kind of woman do you look up to?

I look up to women who properly follow the rules. Someone that holds on tightly to those rules. Someone who carefully refines themselves. Someone who holds on tight to who they are and shows that off to others. But not in a way that hurts them. It’s not really as though I look up to a certain woman, but up to certain human traits. I think that’s the person I want to be. On top of that there are lot of people that make me think, ‘I want to be like that,’ and ‘I want to be like this!’

·         Where do you want to go on vacation?

Hmm inside the country, there are a lot of places I want to go that are not very popular with very few people. Going to places by car and by Shinkansen are obviously good, I like watching the scenery pass by while I’m in the car. There are a lot of places I want to go that take time by car!

 I’m going to end the Q&A here for today! Thank you for all the questions! I’ll do a large recruitment of questions again! There were a lot of questions about skin care that I wanted to answer, but I thought it would take to long, so I put in the cart since this blog is already long.

I’m sorry, I’ll continue again soon. From here on I have something important thing to talk about.

 The stage play ‘Migoroshi Hime’. It has been decided that the 3rd generation members will do a stage play. Thank you very much. The venue is AiiA 2.5 Theater Tokyo, the same place we performed Principle.

Even now, we still don’t know the details about the stage play and what it’s about. That’s why I’m full of feelings of excitement.

The second I heard that we would be doing a stage play I was instantly reminded of Principle. When I did a stage play for the first time I had no experience and for me I didn’t know anything. Things like how to remember lines, how do facial expression, the volume of your voice, there were a lot of things I had to be aware off. I was also someone that was completely lost, didn’t know right from left, and so I tried doing everything I could possibly do. Reading, writing, watching real practice. Thinking back on it now, I gambled everything for that play.

Like I just mentioned, I don’t know anything about this play. However, without forgetting my single-mindedness of the first play I want to face this play like I faced Principle.

Honestly, there are something I’m worried about. Since the 12 of us will be standing on that stage, I’m worried about the roll that will be given to me. I strongly feel that sense of responsibility.

Since Principle, I’ve seen many other stage plays done by the senior members and one of the things I’ve noticed is the deep bonds between those up on that stage. “So this is what a play made by everyone is like,” is how I always think about it.

During Principle there were a lot of different difficulties and conflicts that arose, but for that day on the stage I want to show that I’m an even bigger person than I am now, and I want to work hard with all of my strength. Please wait for me. I believe that this stage play will cause something inside of me to change.

 Please let me make some announcements.

“On sale now”

·         AKB Shinbun san

Yamashita and I are on the back cover. We talked about some pretty deep and uncommon things. At the handshake event there were many people that told me they read it, that makes me happy. (´･_･`)

·         B.L.T san

Den chan and I, 3rd generation member publication. The anmitsu was delicious…(´･_･`) I felt the need to work harder that day, and so I did the photoshoot highly motivated!

·         Gekkan Entertainment san

The new 3rd year middle school group did a talk. We talked about the future. I feel like it was my first time having an in-depth conversation with these members.

·         BUBKA san

Riria and I did a dialogue. This is the first time we’ve done a dialogue together. The Northern most and southern most 3rd generation members. We talked about the fact that if we didn’t meet in Nogizaka46 we wouldn’t have met at all.

 “On sale soon”

·         September 4th Nikkei Entertianment! San

All the 3rd  generation members make an appearance. One year after joining, we did various activities, and we look back on them one by one. Please check it out once it’s on sale!

·         September 15th Ex Taishu san

Yamashita and I are on the front cover. I’m very glad that I was able to take my very first solo front cover shot. I caused a lot of trouble during the photo shoot, but…I think I was able to convey my straight and honest feelings. Please check I t out!

·         September 28th platinum FLASH san

I did a solo photoshoot. I’m very happy… (´･_･`) It’s very difficult to not talk about the details, that’s how I feel about it. The contents are very detailed, I think! I talked about a lot, a lot of things… Please check it out. Thank you very much.  

 I think previously at about the same time I thought the same thing, that “I genuinely like photoshoot.’ This time, being able to appear solo as well as be on the front cover, I’m overjoyed that I’m able to tell this to everyone. In order to make myself more visible one day, I’m going to work hard without forgetting who I am. Please always watch over me.

On October 11th the 19th single, “Itsuka Dekiru Kara Kyou Dekiru,” will go on sale. This is the main theme for the movie, “Asahinagu.” After listening to this song, I have positive and straight forward feelings of wanting to do me best. This is one of my favorite songs. Please wait for it with anticipation!

Recently, I just started doing handshake event and so I’m still unsure about how it will work for the 18th single…(´･_･`) Under these set circumstance, I need to do everything I can work hard focusing on what I can do. October will be here before you know it. Please look after me until then!

You can see my hands.

 Finally, the ‘High School Quiz!!!” Today! It’s today! Please check it out (´･_･`) Ever year I wait by the television for it to start. This year my preparations are perfect. Please make sure to check it out.

Speaking of the ‘High school quiz,’ the theme song is my beloved ‘Naitatte iijyanaika?’ (´･_･`) I pretended to dance it, I imitated by watching other members and after dancing it in front of Yoda chan she burst out laughing. By the way I also like ‘Onnaha hitori jya nemurenai,’I tried dancing this one too, but I was told I was just making fun of it (´･_･`) I’ll study it (´･_･`)

Recently, I’ve been more interested in beauty than ever before. At the turning point of the season my skin becomes more sensitive (´･_･`) Let’s do our best to look after our skin. Even though it’s not quite beauty culture, this Fall and Winter, I think I want to try challenging fashion styles that have a hat. I’m collecting hats.

After that, I don’t really wear monochrome colors but, I want to try challenging this fashion as well!

Since I ate too much before fall it won’t be the fall of good appetite but the fall of challenges.

Everyone what do you want to try? Let’s do out best.

Ahh… I don’t have any pictures with any other members… I’m sorry.

I’ll write again soon.

 Kubo Shiori.

  I think it’s important to say what you think. Just thinking about your feelings and not voicing them is the same as not thinking anything at all. If you don’t tell anyone, then those feelings mean nothing.

Therefore, if, for example, there’s something that you always wanted to do. If something was your idea and you don’t want to tell other about it and then the people around you end up doing it before you. If you say that ‘I thought of it first,’ no one will listen to you. Even if you say it first, or even if you aren’t the one to say if first by voicing your feelings your making that progress as a single turning point for change. You will feel braver and more courageous.

However, this is not always the correct answer, sometime there are times when it’s good not voice your opinions but rather it is better to act upon them.

It’s hard to fight against something bravely if you can’t see it.  

https://blog.nogizaka46.com/third/2017/09/040515.php

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Bookshelf Briefs 8/14/17

The not-so-brief edition!

Akuma no Riddle, Vol. 5 | By Yun Kouga and Sunao Minakata | Seven Seas – How much you enjoy this final volume of Akuma no Riddle may depend on how much you enjoy stories having a happy ending even if they have to pull the logic out of their asses somewhat. The anime finished long before this, but the beats are essentially the same, as is the result. That said, the manga is definitely making things a bit more “yuri,” and since that is the main audience for this series, I imagine fans will appreciate that if nothing else. Also, we have some really hot women in suits on the cover, and that’s worth the price of the book in and of itself. In the end, this is the lesser of the two “assassination classroom” titles, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy it—I had a lot of fun. – Sean Gaffney

Assassination Classroom, Vol. 17 | By Yusei Matsui | Viz Media – The first two-thirds of this is fantastic, as we see the class square off against each other to decide whether they will try to continue to kill Koro-sensei, or work on saving him. While lots of people get to show off their previously unseen chops, we’re all here for Nagisa and Karma, and we are not disappointed. There’s some backstory that mostly amounts to “we were good friends but grew apart,” but they also represent two very different kinds of assassins. As you may have guessed, Nagisa wins the day. The last third of the manga is a bit ridiculous, or as ridiculous as you can get in this essentially ridiculous series, but I’m prepared to shrug my shoulders and hum “Pigs in Space” while we power through it. Top-flight shonen. – Sean Gaffney

Food Wars!: Shokugeki no Soma, Vol. 19 | By Yuto Tsukuda and Shun Saeki | VIZ Media – Central continues its “mop-up” campaign against Totsuki’s various research societies, and the volume begins with the last one of the day, during which Ryo Kurokiba manages to provide the only win out of 33 challenges for our heroes. That battle is interesting, as always, though there seems to be a bit more fanservice than usual, but what’s really fascinating is the cliffhanger ending. After unwittingly helping in a Central-style lesson by serving as sous chef for Eishi Tsukasa (current first seat of the Council of Ten), Soma ends up impressing him so much that Eishi invites him to join Central. Of course that doesn’t go well, and the volume concludes with the challenge: if Yukihira loses, he has to join Central as Eishi’s right-hand man, but if he wins, he gets first seat. Either way, it’s quite a big deal! – Michelle Smith

In/Spectre, Vol. 5 | By Kyo Shirodaira and Chashiba Katase | Kodansha Comics – This is based off of a novel, and I’d be very interested to see what it was originally like. The manga does a very good job of managing to keep things interesting given that this is nothing but talk, talk talk the entire way through. The way this is done is by dramatizing the events that Kotoko is theorizing about as if they are happening (which leads to one of the few moments of humor in the book when Kotoko sets up Saki as the prime suspect) interspersed with Kuro fighting Steel Lady Nanase in the background, which is a well-choreographed if somewhat tedious fight—by its very nature it’s going to last the whole book. The next volume is the final one—will our trio pull it off? – Sean Gaffney

Kaze Hikaru, Vol. 25 | By Taeko Watanabe | VIZ Media – Every year, I am so happy when a new volume of Kaze Hikaru comes out and every year I get so annoyed with its main character. It’s to the point now where the series would genuinely be improved by her sudden demise. But yet, I do so love the deep feelings of love and loyalty between Hijikata, Okita, and Kondo, and those are enough to overlook Sei’s foolishness. She’s once again getting all bent-out-of-shape over bushi discipline which, again, she should’ve known to expect when she joined the troop. But she just can’t help making an undignified scene trying to spare an accountant guy his fate when money goes missing. At least in the end, she sees that Hijikata is not actually cruel, the accountant shouldn’t have been a bushi either, and the real culprit was a creep. If only it’d stick and she’d mature some. Oh well. I’ll still be eager next year, I’m sure. – Michelle Smith

Maid-sama!, Vols. 17-18 | By Hiro Fujiwara | Viz Media – As is appropriate for a two-volume omnibus, this is definitely divided into two halves. The first one shows us Misaki coming to Usui’s rescue, and it’s as ridiculous as you might have expected, complete with her trying to jump off a great height because she knows he would easily do it. (She sustains light injuries herself.) The second half shows us that after all this time the true antagonist is still Misaki herself, and her need to be respected warring with the fact that she works in a maid cafe. Once she gets over this and is able to tell everyone how proud she is to do that, there’s nowhere else for the series to go, so it ends with a wedding, albeit ten years in the future. Far more variable than expected, but overall I enjoyed it. – Sean Gaffney

Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid, Vol. 4 | By coolkyousinnjya | Seven Seas – And this is where my enjoyment of the lead character and vague yuri is completely overshadowed by my dislike of stupid fanservice and annoying villains needing to be redeemed. Ilulu proved to be even more annoying than her introduction at the end of the last volume suggested, and I also groaned and slapped my head at the ‘let’s give Kobayashi a penis’ chapter. At times the series can still be intriguing, such as the chapter showing us how Kobayashi met Tohru on that drunken night, or the occasional depth Kobayashi receives. But it’s just not worth trawling through endless pages of ridiculous breasts and screaming lolis to get to it. Sorry, but this is the end for me. – Sean Gaffney

My Hero Academia, Vol. 9 | By Kohei Horikoshi | Viz Media – Over the past few months, it’s become clear that we have a new contender to take over the “Big Three” position now that both Naruto and Bleach have ended, and that contender is My Hero Academia, which has gotten staggeringly popular. And with good reason, as reading this volume shows us the author at the top of his game, with several villains infiltrating our heroes’ training camp and attempting to abscond with Bakugo. Things get very rough for a while, mostly as, being heroes, the kids need permission to fight back with all their strength. But once they do, great things happen, particularly with Midoriya, who remains the star of this ensemble. If you haven’t read this series yet, please start now. – Sean Gaffney

Nisekoi: False Love, Vol. 22 | By Naoshi Komi | Viz Media – As expected, Marika is written out, though in the end she’s not killed off OR married off—she’s sent to Pittsburgh, the only place that can cure the unnamed Love Story Disease she seems to have. But not before we get a thrilling rescue attempt with lots of wild fighting and far more helicopters than you’d really expect. Meanwhile, in terms of the only two girls who matter (sorry, Tsumugi), Onodera is still not QUITE ready to confess, but is trying to warm Raku up to it. I doubt that will go well. And Chitoge and Raku have another disaster of a date where she keeps completely misreading what he wants, which isn’t helped by his not really knowing. We’ve got three more volumes after this, so SOMEONE needs to get a clue soon. – Sean Gaffney

Scum’s Wish, Vol. 4 | By Mengo Yokoyari | Yen Press – We’re just about midway through this series, and I’m starting to wonder if it’s going to turn dark and tragic. Hanabi is travelling down a spiral that I’m not sure she’s able to control, and Minagawa is not helping there at all. Probably the most intriguing moment in the manga comes when Minagawa is bored out of her gourd on a date with Kanai… till he accidentally calls her Hana-chan, and it’s as if all of a sudden it matters to her. One thing that the author excels at is showing us the tempestuous fire of desire and sexual heat without ever, ever having it connect into anything resembling love. It’s so sordid, and again, I wonder how long things can go without someone snapping and a murder or suicide occurring. Addicting. – Sean Gaffney

UQ Holder, Vol. 11 | By Ken Akamatsu | Kodansha Comics – There’s a lot of stuff happening in this book. Yukihime rejects Touta as she still loves Negi, we find out Negi was possessed by the big bad from Negima! and has been suffering the last 20 years, Fate and Eva are trying to save and kill him respectively, both thinking they carry out his true wishes, and finally far more of the Negima! cast are still around than we’d previously thought—indeed, Zazie’s even turned into a shipper. But no, at the end of the day this is the volume that tells us that Karin was actually Judas Iscariot, her immortality a result of betraying Christ, who Touta, seeing Karin suffering because of that, offers to punch in the face the next time he sees Him. I… don’t know where to begin. What the what? – Sean Gaffney

By: Michelle Smith