#and half just me trying to make that look like a rough collie dog

[bettyfrommars]

I need to know what you think about finding a dark siren Eddie Munson. Maybe he got hurt and washed up on the shore? You’re immediately his mate and he loves you very much even though he’s never been near a human. Very much I hate everyone but you vibes for our bloodthirsty friend.

Boyfriend From the Deep

darkSiren!Eddie x Reader

darkSiren!Eddie art here and here

Blurb 1

Blurb 2

18+ONLY, smut, some monsterfuqqing, mention of gore, mention of throwing up, visit from Murray & Hopper, mention of reader's life not going well, AFAB Reader, love at first sight, soulmates, merman!Eddie. wc: 3k

A/N: Another request I was really excited to sink my teeth into. My hope is to continue this eventually, taking inspiration from the 1984 film Splash. Looking forward to what y'all think of darkSiren!Eddie, thank you for indulging me.

---------

Eddie choked and coughed as the wave crashed over him, forcing his eyes open with a gargled gasp.  He was pinned up against a rocky ledge, half of his body on the sand and the other half in the frigid water.  All of a sudden, he felt sick, and began retching clear bile into the sea.  He didn’t like breathing the air, he wasn’t used to it, and it caught in his throat like a feather–tickling—until he coughed and retched again.  The gills on the sides of his neck sputtered, flapping open like vents, drying out, trying to conform to the new way of breathing.

It was then that he became aware of the dull ache at the back of his head, and with trembling fingers, he reached back to test the spot with a cringe and a hiss.  He checked to find that his fingertips were bloody; he must’ve knocked his head on one of the sharp rocks during the transformation.  How badly was he wounded? Would be a shame to survive the journey to human form only to die on the beach and rot like a bloated fish.  

He braced his hand, fingers digging into the sand, and flicked his hips to swish his tail to get him unstuck, but then two legs kicked out from his hips, stuck in a fisherman’s net, and it startled him, making him slam his head into the rock again.  He winced, eyes squeezing shut, whimpering a bit at the sting of the impact as the saltwater splashed up to his knees and misted his face.  

This was Eddie’s first time back to land in over a decade.  Mostly because he loathed humans.  He loved to lure them to their deaths, he loved to watch from under the water as their ships sank so that he could feed on their fear, curling the sound waves of their screams into his belly like sweet nectar. 

He twisted, trying to be free of the rough ropes that cut into his skin, but he was weak, and he wasn’t sure how much blood he’d lost.  He was stuck there now, for 7 days and 7 nights, and he thought maybe he’d just find a way to stay hidden…

….until he saw you.

It was rare for you to be up at the crack of dawn, unless it was due to the fact that you hadn’t slept at all, which was a regular occurrence.  Long, restful sleeps that lasted hours were just a myth to you, ever since you’d watched your life go down the toilet.  A breakup, a death in the family, getting fired from your job; all of it happened all at once, and you were still reeling, teetering at the edge of the abyss.

You were all alone in the world, but for your dog, Louie, and the modest cottage you were renting for a week off the Oregon coast.  The beach house was tucked back in the woods, and it didn’t even have a TV, so flipping it on to watch the early morning broadcast or some cartoons to relax your brain was not an option. The radio would have to do, and the first song that came on when you flipped the dial was Brandy by Looking Glass.  You hummed along to it as you plucked Louie’s leash off the sofa and attached it to his collar.  He was a medium, handsome, mixed-breed boy that you’d rescued from the side of the road as a puppy.  Part corgi, part border collie, part…dalmatian? You weren’t entirely sure.  

“He came on a summer's day

Bringin' gifts from far away

But he made it clear he couldn't stay

No harbor was his home

The sailor said, ‘Brandy, you're a fine girl 

What a good wife you would be 

But my life, my love, and my lady is the sea”

It was exceptionally chilly for an August morning, making you bundle in a hoodie and boots for the trek out to the beach.  Louie was practically foaming at the mouth to get out there for his run, and since your area of the beach was fairly secluded at that time of morning, you unhooked his leash where the dirt path met with the sand, and he bolted into the fog toward the ocean like a shot.  There was a wet mist lingering in the air, like salty, seaweed-scented kisses that made you squint against the bright gray hues turning blue with the rise of the sun.  A few seagulls squawked and swooshed overhead, diving down to perch on a large piece of driftwood, and you waved to them, as if they’d showed up just to say hello to you.

You faced the vast expanse of ocean and crashing waves with a mix of awe and defiance, challenging it silently with a lift of your chin.  Your reverie was rudely interrupted by Louie’s alarm bark, somewhere deep in the mist. 

You followed the sound, walking blind until you caught sight of the jutting rocks at the base of a cliff, and the shrill of Louie’s distress signal was getting further away.  Your feet picked up speed, stumbling for purchase in the soft, wet ground as you called for him, a bit of panic stroking your heart.  Why did it feel like you were about to start crying? An avalanche of unfelt emotions gathered in your throat as you called for your loyal companion.  

But there he was, finally, sitting facing the rocks, tail wagging side to side, making a fan-shape in the sand, basically ignoring you as you collapsed to one knee, cursing, clutching your chest.  

You mumbled a whole conversation to him as you snapped the leash back in place and got to your feet.  You tried to guide him in the other direction, but Louie was transfixed on something a few yards ahead, and it took your eyes a moment to adjust—but then you saw it.  A hand, slightly webbed between the fingers, appeared from around the black rock, digging into the sand, and then another hand gripped the tan earth further along, as if someone were trying to pull themself along by their arm strength alone.  The wrists were covered in jewelry that looked like they were made of shell and bone; the forearms tattooed in dotted, swirling black ink patterns.  

You were too stunned to scream, mouth hanging agape.  You urged Louie back to shield him with your legs.  You saw the long, dark hair next, pooling over bare, tattooed shoulders; it was messy and unkempt, littered in bits of fauna and a few empty clam shells, one side matted with blood.  

Before your brain could throw the alarm that this might be dangerous, you were already speaking.  “A-are you alright? Do you need me to get help?”

That was when his head snapped up, and wide, all-white eyes regarded you with malice, lips curling back to expose a mouth full of pointed teeth.  He growled at you, and Louie growled back, but then, after a second, the monster's face softened.  The milk white eyes behind tendrils of hair shifted to brown, human irises, and he cocked his head a few times at you, as if trying to understand what you had just said.

You should have fainted.

You should have turned and run screaming in the other direction.

But, for some reason, neither one of those even occurred to you.  

You came around to get a better look at him, down along where the water lapped at your boots, and took in the rest of his body; he was tangled up in a crude net from the waist down.  He wore a necklace that appeared to be made of intricate fish bones and coral, and shark tooth earring dangled from his ear.  The tattoo patterns ran all along his chest, stomach, and legs.  You released Louie’s leash, and he sat right where he was told, while you crouched down to meet Eddie’s curious gaze that never strayed from you.

“Will you let me help you?” You asked.

Eddie was in love.

He never believed the stories he’d been told about the imprinting and immediate bonding that happened when you met your mate.  He wasn’t just any Merman, he was a Siren, and as a soldier of the dark forces of the sea, he figured he didn’t have time for frivolous things like romance.

But this took no time at all.

You were meant to be his, and he didn’t care who he had to kill to keep you.  

He studied your face as you worked to free the wet knot of seaweed tangles on the net, freeing his thighs from the heavyweight, gasping and averting your eyes at the way your touch made his cock twitch and swell.  You helped him to sit up, noticing what appeared to be gills on his throat and sides along his ribs.  His flesh was similar to that of a human, but also not.  It had a thick, rippled texture, like the belly of a snake, and it seemed to glow with a soft blue fluorescence.  His muscles were tight and lean, and he didn’t even bother to shiver as a cold wind made your teeth chatter. 

You told him your name as another seagull cawed overhead, and asked what you should call him.  

His eyebrows clenched together, tilting his head a few times, watching your mouth as you spoke.

“Do you speak English?”  You asked it in a cringe way, with a loud voice, as if a higher volume could break any language barrier.  

He brought his webbed hand up to touch your face, and you jerked away at first, but then you let his scaled knuckles graze your cheek, the legs of your jeans soaking wet now as you knelt there with what could only be described as a figment of your imagination. 

He spoke a word in foreign language, his voice a deep whisper.  You remembered how solid white his eyes had been before when he thought you were a threat, but now they were honey brown, almost cat-like in nature as they softly adored you. 

“I-I don’t understand,” you breathed, unable to comprehend the time it took for his mouth to find yours, to plant wholesome kisses, to taste you.

You might’ve been in love with him at that moment too, but your jaded heart refused to let yourself believe it.  

You did, however, feel the arousal blossom at your core as his tongue fluttered against yours, whimpering with a little click in his throat like a sea lion at the way you returned his kiss.

The urge to mate you, to officially make you his, was too strong for Eddie to take into regard any of the formalities of courtship.  Once your hand found his generous girth and began to stroke, encouragingly, that was all it took.

You skittered backwards up onto the semi-dry sand, unzipping your jeans and pushing them down to your ankles as you went, and Eddie followed, bracing himself on top so he wouldn’t crush you, desperate to find your mouth again. His powerful hips bucked against you, and you held him by the neck, begging for more while he spoke to you in that foreign tongue, staring into your eyes, willing you to understand him.  

Wanting you to know that no one would ever love you as much as he did; that he would be your one and only mate until the darkness took you both.  

The position felt awkward, but there was no time to take your boots off as your hole clenched the air, desperate to be filled.  You spun around to get on your hands and knees, and Eddie buried his cock in your wet heat with one swish of his muscular thighs, throwing his head back in a bark of triumph.  

You pushed back against him, needing him to move, to stretch you and own you with each push, your fingers clawing into the sand as you whined.  

Nearby, Louie cocked his head and tried to lift one floppy ear, but then he turned his face to the sea, trying to give you some privacy.

You’d never been fucked by someone as strong as this sea monster, and your whole body jerked and vibrated under the impact of his deep thrusts.  “Yesyesyes…oh fuck!”

It wasn’t long before Eddie clapped his pelvis flush to your ass and spilled inside of you, chanting foreign words, tilting his head to the sky, worshiping you with his offering.  He stayed locked there for a while, working his seed deeper with every stroke.  When he was done, he flipped you over with a feral urgency that sent sand into your eyes and nose, but you didn’t care, because now his mouth was on you.  

Your fingers sank into his matted hair, and that was when you felt the viscous patch and remembered he was bleeding.  His big, strong legs were a bit wobbly, and the thought occurred to you, for whatever reason, that he wasn’t accustomed to using them.  

But then Louie was barking in the other direction, and you both turned your attention to see a figure appearing from out of the mist.   A middle-aged man in a pageboy cap and a trench coat; he was already too close before you knew he was there, and he dropped the walking stick in his hand, his face frozen in shock and terror.  

Eddie smelled the foul human approaching and the familiar bloodlust roared in his veins. The fin on Eddie’s back bristled as he rose to a crouch with a ferocious growl.  You shuffled as far as you could against the rock, trying to pull your jeans up and cover yourself, not sure what to think of Eddie’s reaction.

Eddie bared his mouth full of sharp teeth in a sneer at the man, his eyes going completely white again.  A storm seemed to hit the beach all of a sudden at Eddie’s command, dropping down a gust of wind that rocked the waves and sent the man stumbling off his feet as if the world tilted on its axis, trying to hold his hat on against the force of it.  A low, rumbling wail came from somewhere deep in Eddie’s chest as you tried to shield your face from the whips of sand stabbing like tiny daggers in your flesh.  Eddie appeared to be sucking the life out of the man from his distance; the human’s body lifted up in the air and bent back.  You thought you heard something crack.  

It was only a matter of seconds before the man crumpled to the ground, unresponsive, and then Eddie settled, and so did the air around him.  After a few heartbeats, there were only the crashing waves and the birds once again, and Eddie’s head snapped to you, searching, making sure you were okay.

He held his arms out and you scrambled over, burying your head in the crook of his neck, letting him cage you, letting him have you.

Louie went over to sniff around at the man on the ground, wondering if he had any treats, and then he lifted his leg and let go of a stream of urine onto his shoe.

—-----

Murray Bauman slammed the paper onto Hopper’s desk, forcing a gust of wind into his face and a couple of yellow sticky notes to go flying.

Murray waited, hands on his hips, the door to the office wide open behind him.  Hopper took a deep inhale and flicked a few bored glances from the cover of the Seaside Review back up to Murray’s severe expression.

“Is this your way of telling me you're taking a vacation?” He guessed, shifting back in his squeaky chair.

“This,” Murray jabbed his finger in the direction of the paper.  “Is what I’ve been trying to tell you about.”

In the mood to humor his old friend, Hopper bent forward, furrowing his brow, taking a closer look at the headlines.  

Murray continued, pacing in front of the desk as he did so.  “Merpeople don’t exist? Well then, explain that to me.”

To the right, at the top of a long column and a sketch, was the headline: Reclusive artist survives a Siren attack on the beach and lives to tell: Merfolk exist.

Hopper cleared his throat.  “This is a drawing, Murray.”

Murray stopped his pacing, inclining his head, adopting a sarcastic tone.  “Notice anything familiar about that likeness, Jim? Does any part of it ring a bell? The white eyes, maybe? The teeth?”

“Sure,” Hopper picked the paper up and plopped it down, further away from him.  “It looks like Elvis.  Call The Inquirer.” 

Murray flopped in a chair facing the Chief’s desk with a huff.  He’d keep talking about it even if it fell on deaf ears because he knew he was right.  “The migration of the Sirens.  Enki, Poseidon, Amphitrite, the legend of the skin-shedding Merfolk who can walk on land for 7 days during a blood moon.  Humanoids.  Cannibals of the sea—-”

“Stop,” Hopper put his hand up palm out. “Just, stop. Is any of this supposed to make any sense to me? Why are you here? What have I done to deserve this?”

Murray rested his elbows on the arms of the chair, intertwining his fingers.  “The drawing should look familiar to you, Jim, because it’s just like the one I saw when I was a teenager, and three summers ago when I was on that death-trap Alaskan cruise.  I told you all about it.  I told you that I was—-”

“Yeah, yeah,” Hopper interrupted.  “But again, I’ll ask—why are you coming to me with this? You think I’m going to arrest a fish?”

Murray rounded his shoulders.  "I know that Sirens exist, Jim.  There’s more than enough evidence out there, and I’m going to prove it to you, if not the world.” 

[tannithvibes]

i decided on colors for Murphy's pet frontrunner, Subwoofer, and then i was like hey! why not do a simplified version too? only to realize i have no fuckin idea what im trying to do

[lillian-nator]

please more of the ranch au!!! like more tommy and animals bonding

Okay, so I don’t have Tommy and Animal bonding time, BUT I have Phil and the boys adorable time. 

The boys are respectively 11 (Wilbur), 8 (Techno), and 5 (Tommy) in this. And just so you know, Axe is Phil’s dog (A Rough Collie to be exact) who was professionally trained to protect the boys out on their adventures, because you know, there is a lot of old farmers with guns out in the world - it eases Phil’s nerves about having such young boys run out in the wild. 

--------

"Papa! Papa!" Two little voices yelled, as Phil heard the pitter patter of small feet running towards him.

He looked to his left to see Techno and Wilbur running towards him, Mayo trotting slowly in the back, holding up most of the weight of his youngest, who stumbles along with half lidded eyes.

"Good Afternoon Boys." Phil smiles, as Techno makes grabby hands, Phil picks him up and sets him on the counter with a soft smile, immediately pulling his youngest up onto his hip, who was already half asleep. He used his free hand to thread his fingers through Tommy's bright blonde hair, untangling any knots. "What'd you do today? You seem to have really tired your brother out."

"We went like - 3 miles deep in the East Woods, Papa!" Wilbur smiles, bouncing on his feet. Phil moves to rub the dirt off of Wilbur's forehead, licking his thumb, and rubbing it off, as Wilbur makes a face at him for doing so.

A small gasp; "Did you?"

Tommy hums from his spot in Phil's neck. "Wilby found a creek, Papa."

Phil laughs lightly, scratching at Tommy's scalp. "I see. Is that why you're wet?"

Tommy hums again.

"We caught Crawdads, Papa!" Techno finally spoke up from his spot on the counter, biting his nail. Phil moved to take his hand out of his mouth, trying to stop Techno's nervous habit.

"Did you let them back and the water, Techa?" He ruffles pink hair.

"M' corse, Papa."

Phil smiles softly, "That's my boy."

"M' Hungry Papa." Tommy mumbled, Phil rubbed his youngest's back.

"Me too." Wilbur agreed.

Phil looks at his youngest, half-asleep on his shoulder. He decided to let the boy take a small nap.

"Alright, " The eldest laughs, and gently helps Techno down from the counter, cupping his cheek, and scratching Wilbur's hair softly for a moment. "You boys go get cleaned up, okay? I'll close up with your brother, and we'll have some chicken for dinner."

He turns them around with his free hand to turn his two oldest around, and pat them on the back, "go on.”

[trailerparkbubbs]

@melloclastic Hey I wrote some headcanons based on your idea about Julian and the dog... if you don’t wanna read them you don’t have to, or I can delete this if you want, but I thought I would let you know

Anyways headcanons below the cut:

- It happens while Ricky and Bubbles are in jail

- Julian had gotten into a fight with them because Ricky had a plan and Julian said it was stupid and that Ricky would never have any good ideas, but Ricky wanted to do the plan anyways and Bubbles went along to try and do damage control

- They ended up getting caught and going to jail for a few months... Bubbles phoned Julian from jail and said that they were doing okay but that Ricky was still pretty upset and it might be best to just not try and talk to him for a little while

- So now Julian is alone and feeling guilty and is worried that Ricky hates him forever and also oh shit he was supposed to protect Bubbles and he just walked away

- Anyways may as well get drunk in the woods right?

- He comes across a very dirty, very scrawny border collie with some porcupine quills stuck in its face

- Ricky had a run-in with a porcupine once (at least once), so at least Julian kind of knows what he’s doing, right?

- The dog whimpers when he pulls the first quill out and Julian almost has a breakdown but after a long, arduous process he’s able to get them all out

- The dog follows him home, so he washes it and feeds it 

- He actually ends up taking it to Bubbles’ shed, since there’s pet stuff in there (toys, beds, etc) and everything is already covered in cat hair so what’s a little dog hair?

- Luckily there don’t happen to be any cats there... they don’t hang out in Bubbles’ shed as much when he’s not there

- Julian sits on the bed and gets even more drunk, and the border collie lays down beside him and falls asleep on his chest

- It’s not like he’s going to disturb it or anything, so he ends up passing out there too

- It’s very weird and disorienting waking up in Bubbles’ shed... everything smells like Bubbles, of course, and he recognizes the general sounds/sights as Bubbles’ shed, so for a few minutes he thinks that Bubbles must be home, and that he just slept over, or Bubbles let him pass out here since he got too drunk/high and Bubbles was worried about Julian choking on his own vomit if he slept by himself

- Then the dog licks his face and he remembers

- Julian ends up sleepily slurring shit at the dog like “You’re tough, right? You can get through this... You’re a survivor, you don’t need anyone... Who cares if you don’t have your family anymore... We got each other... Border Collies are smart, right? You’re the smart one”

- Okay, maybe he’s still a little drunk

- He puts all his time and energy into nursing this dog back to health as much as he can

- The dog keeps getting stronger, its fur gets sleeker, it gets some energy back

- Every morning (or afternoon, depending when he wakes up) Julian and the dog go for walks out into the woods, and every night the dog falls asleep on Julian’s chest

- He makes a habit out of sleeping at Bubbles’ place, too. It’s not like Bubbles is there, anyways, since Julian fucked up and let him get sent to jail

- He’s so busy with the dog that he stops going to visit Bubbles and Ricky in jail. Ricky hates him now, anyways, right? Ricky’s better off without him

- One time Sarah asks him if he’s okay and where he’s been recently, and he just snaps at her that he’s busy and he’s got shit to take care of and it’s none of her business anyways

- Sarah tells him that it’s more about his business, as in, that bar? That he owns? That he’s supposed to be in charge of? That he’s completely forgotten about, apparently?

- He yells at her again so she leaves 

- After that nobody really tries to check up on him

- Sometimes he and the dog will go hang out down by the docks, and he can pretend that Ricky and Bubbles are fine, and the only reason he hasn’t talked to them in weeks is because he told them he was leaving. He’s the one who’s gone, not them

- They always sleep in Bubbles’ shed, though, and he’s never there

- Until, one day, he is there. Julian wakes up to Bubbles standing over him being like “Julian, what the fuck happened here? Where have you been?”

- Julian’s like, “Sorry, Bubs, I had to take care of the dog, it’s been keeping me pretty occupied. How was jail?”

- Bubbles is like, “Julian, what are you talking about? You don’t have a fucking dog.”

- Julian goes to motion to the dog, but it’s not there. He starts frantically searching for it and calling for it but it’s nowhere to be found

- Julian’s like, “There was this dog, I was nursing this dog back to health, he was here” and Bubbles is like, “Julian, the only thing you’ve been nursing is a bottle of whiskey. Sarah said you were doing bad, but I had no idea you were this far gone.”

- Julian just sits down and goes silent and won’t move

- After a while Bubbles is like, “Okay, stay here, I’ll go figure this out. Fucking dog cocksucker.” and he leaves

- Julian can hear Bubbles and Ricky arguing outside, so he starts singing to himself to cover the noise... naturally he sings Where, Oh Where, Has My Little Dog Gone?

- Eventually Ricky bursts in... he looks angry until he sees Julian sitting on the bed, drunk out of his mind, half crying, singing super off key, looking like he hasn’t showered in about a week

- Ricky, naturally, is not the most tactful

- He starts off with “Holy fuck, Julian, you look terrible... and you sound terrible, too, if you don’t stop singing I’m going to hit you, and I won a shitton of fights in jail, so you better fucking watch yourself, cause I’m the Arnold Wartsadagger fucking muscleman now”

- From there he immediately segues into “I was going to hit you anyways, but Bubbles told me you’re super drunk and freaking out about some dog or cat or something... are you sure it wasn’t just a Raykin? Those things look a lot like cats, except for they have those beaky noses, it’s easy to get confused. Anyways, you have to let them be wild... like that fucking tiger that Bubbles had. If you love something, you don’t get it for free or whatever you said,”  

- Julian cuts in to be like, “It wasn’t a raccoon, Ricky.” but Ricky’s just like “The fuck is a raccoon?” so Julian’s like “Nevermind, fucking forget it.”

- Ricky’s like, “Oh, you still think I’m stupid, huh? Well, I’ve been doing just fucking fine without you for the last four months in jail if you hadn’t noticed!”

- Julian’s like, “Bubbles said you didn’t want to talk to me, that it would be best not to try and talk to you.” and Ricky’s like, “Yeah, for a few days, not for four months! I can’t not talk to you for four months!”

- “I thought you were doing ‘just fucking fine’ without me, Rick. You’re fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger!” “What? Julian, I don’t want to fuck Arnold Swarzenpegger, you’re the one who’s in love with him and shit. And yeah, I had to be fine without you because you completely fucking abandoned me!” 

- There’s a quiet moment, and then Julian is like, “I’m sorry, about that. I found this dog in the woods, and it had these porcupine quills stuck in its face... you remember when you got the porcupine quills stuck in your ass?” and Ricky’s like “Oh, yeah... I think I fucking sat on it without realizing” and Julian’s like “No, Ricky, you fired your gun at it, scared yourself, screamed, and ended up falling onto the fucking thing” and Ricky’s like “Oh yeah”

- Julian tells him more about the dog, and about the last four months, and eventually he’s like, “I really missed you, Rick. I’m starting to think I made the dog up because I was so fucking lonely.”

- Ricky’s not even totally sure what to say to that. He just sits down on the bed next to Julian and they sit in silence for a few minutes, and then Julian’s like, “I think I might be an alcoholic,” and Ricky’s like, “You think? You’re turning into fucking Lahey here. Making up a fucking dog in your head? You’re drinking way too much.”

- Julian punches him in the arm, but just a little bit

- Ricky’s like, “Well, I’ll help you quit. First, you should take all the liquor and all the fucking dope you have, and give them to me, and I’ll safely disclose of them for you.”

- Julian’s like “You’re going to drink it, aren’t you?” and Ricky’s like “Well, not the dope, I’m probably going to smoke that,” and Julian’s like, “I love you” and Ricky’s like “I love you, too.”

- They try and hug, but it doesn’t work very well, since they’re sitting next to each other

- Bubbles comes back with some water, some warm tea with honey and lemon, and some clean clothes, and Julian gets cleaned up while Ricky and Bubbles go outside to talk

- Bubbles tells Julian that he (Julian, not Bubbles) needs to sleep, but that they’re going to have a conversation when he wakes up and make a proper plan for how Julian is going to get his drinking in check

- Julian sleeps in his own bed for the first time in months. Ricky insists on sleeping next to him because “If I leave you alone you’re gonna start drinking again... you need someone to hold you and count your bowls” and Julian’s like “Huh? Are you saying you want to sleep in my bed and fucking hold me? I thought we went over this,” and Rick is like “No, it’s an expression... like you need someone to make sure you don’t fuck up or whatever”

- Julian is pretty sure Ricky just wants a place to sleep, since the Shitmobile was impounded when he was arrested

- It’s kind of nice to have someone next to him, though, what with the dog being gone and all. He’s pretty sure having a big empty space next to him where there used to be the only thing keeping him going would, in fact, drive him to drink

- Shit, maybe Ricky is holding him accountable

- He falls asleep, eventually. It’s gonna be a rough road, but at least he’s not alone. 

[parasocialpod]

Our Favorite Villains - Transcript

Follow along with the episode here if you’d like to!

Alex: If you haven't heard about Anchor, it's the easiest way to make a podcast. Let me explain. It's free, there's creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or  computer, and Anchor will distribute your podcast for you, so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and many more.

You can even make money from your podcast with no minimum listenership. It's everything that you need to make a podcast in one place. So download the free Anchor app, or go to anchor.fm to get started.

Alex: Hi,  I'm Alex

Nick: And I'm Nick.

Alex: And this is Ice Cream Parasocial, a podcast that covers as many different topics as there are flavors of ice cream. Today, we'll be talking about our favorite villains in media.

Nick: I want to start out by apologizing. If I sound like shit, I have a little bit of a cold.

Alex: Yeah, just a little bit.

Nick: We've been putting off recording for a couple of days, because I didn't want to record with a sick voice, but it has not gone away. So.

Alex: Yeah, this is about as good as it's been in a minute.

Nick: I'm sorry. We all have to deal with it. Uh

Alex: Yeah, this was after me putting enough Vick's Vaporub on you to like, drive every animal in the house to like, go away.

Yeah.

Nick: Yeah, if you don't follow me on Twitter, I posted some pictures of the dogs hiding their noses.

Alex: Yeah. They, uh, that was a lie, actually. They didn't leave. They just, um, buried their ��whole faces in the blankets. Cause they were just like, "I'm not going to get up. But I'm sure not happy about what's happening right now."

Nick: Yeah. Winston is a rough Collie and he's got his nose-- from the very top of his head all the way to the tip of his nose is 12 inches long, and he buried his nose all the way up to his little eyeballs under a blanket to get away from the Vick's smell, but like, didn't leave the bed that I was laying on.

So, well, he's not he's, you know, he's just really pretty. He's not very smart.

Alex: Yeah. He's just really loyal. He didn't want to leave your side during this trying time.

He's very loyal to a fault.

He'll do whatever it takes.

Nick: I'm pretty sure he's laying down just on the other side of this door to make sure that we're not dying.

Alex: Yeah, he's a good boy. He does his best every day. Oh goodness.

Nick: Uh, but yeah, uh, speaking of social media: on Instagram, by the time this episode is up, there will also be a picture on Instagram and Twitter for the official podcast. That is the best piece of art I have ever made in my life.

Alex: Oh yeah. It's a real delight.

Nick: And it has everything to do with this podcast. It's promotional for this episode and I love it. Please go check it out. I don't care if you follow us on--

Alex: This is a call to action to look at this picture only.

Nick: Yes. And, uh, if you're listening to us on a platform that you don't usually listen to us on because we're not on a whole lot, hopefully soon we'll be on everything.

But as of right now, we're on Anchor, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Breaker, Radio Public, and YouTube. So hopefully we'll be on Apple Podcasts soon, and then we'll start begging you to go and review us there.

Yes.

They have like, weeks to months of a waiting list because so many people are starting podcasts.

Alex: Yeah. Like I know of at least like three or four people that are starting podcasts like right now.

Nick: Yeah. Well, and the information that I had seen was even older about it, you know, taking a long time to get set up on Apple Podcasts, because so many people are starting podcasts and I'm like, I think that information was pre-quarantine. So I can't imagine how long it will take for us to get there, but hopefully it'll be soon. So.

Alex: Like, I'm pretty sure that these microphones that we're recording on were considered like, essential by Amazon as well, because we got them in like 24 hours.

Nick: Mhmm.

Alex: So podcasting is a very accessible thing to do at the moment.

Nick: Absolutely.

Alex: Oh, goodness. Especially with Anchor--

Nick: Especially with Anchor!

Alex: It's the easiest way to make a podcast!

Nick: Which you already heard our ad for the beginning of this.

Legitimately, lots of love to Anchor. It's made it really easy to do this.

Yeah, no joke. Uh, I love you Anchor.

Alex: Thanks, Anchor.

Nick: I would probably kill for you, but please don't read that in a court of law.

Alex: [Laughs]

Nick: Anyways. Uh, talking about villains.

Alex: So, speaking of villains.

Nick: [Laughs]

Speaking of villains, like me, who would kill.

Alex: [Laughs]

For anchor.fm.

Both: [Laughing]

Alex: Oh no. Are we going to be the first podcast to ever have an Anchor sponsorship revoked?

Nick: Eh, probably not the first.

Alex: Yeah. That's fair. Just one of them.

Nick: [Laughs]

Yeah. We'll be one of many, I'm sure.

Alex: One of many.

Nick: Um, so villains.

Alex: So villains.

Nick: [laughs] I think we have a lot of crossover in our favorite villains.

Alex: Probably.

Nick: Um, but I guess first let's talk about what makes a good villain.

Alex: Yes.

Nick: Because this is something that we talk about a lot. We'll pause a show in the middle and just be like, "I love them". Just like, "I love how well that scene was written" and like, "all of the meaning behind that".

Alex: Yeah. Oh my God.

Nick: I guess some previous context that may or may not be needed is about how we met and started dating.

Because we met at this, um, youth hangout for queer kids, and we had kind of, we-- we'd been like, kind of hanging out, but not really, um, because we were in the same groups together. And then we started talking about movies and cartoons, and realized that we had both wanted to go to college for film.

Alex: [Chuckles]

Nick: I think at that point I'd already dropped out, but you were still gung-ho to be going to school for film, and we were just like--

Alex: Oh yeah.

Nick: Oh, we're both going to school for film.

Alex: Oh yeah. Like you had dropped out of film school. I was not yet in film school, and I was on the precipice of dropping out of film school.

Both: [Laughing]

Alex: Truly a match made in heaven. I'm pretty sure the way that I picked you up was that I was like, "Oh yeah, I want your phone number, so that maybe we can work on a project sometime."

Nick: Oh yeah, that's right. It was doing this specifically like, oh you know, so we can like talk about movies and stuff.

Alex: So we can talk about movies.

Nick: Like, you know, maybe talk about getting into a project together. And now we've been married for almost two years, and we're finally starting a project, and it's not a movie.

Alex: Yeah.

Both: [Laughing]

Nick: We've been in a relationship for five years.

Alex: Yeah.

Nick: Almost.

Alex: Oh, god.

Nick: Yeah, we're like less than a month away from, from that. I'm just like, yeah. That's basically it now.

Alex: Yeah, pretty much.

Nick: Time is an illusion.

Alex: Yeah, pretty much.

Nick: So we like to talk about movies. We like to talk about cartoons. We like to talk about media in general, and we are awful to watch movies and TV shows with, because we will pause, and just talk for a half hour, and then play again, and totally forget where we were.

Alex: Insufferable.

Nick: ADHD is fun.

Alex: Oh yeah, absolutely. Like yesterday I think-- or no, day before yesterday-- we've been watching Korra, and, um, we like paused it like 10 minutes before the end of an episode or something and then just didn't finish it until the following day, during which we watched like seven more minutes of that same episode, paused it and then almost didn't finish it until I was like, "Oh no! We never finished that episode!"

Nick: Yeah, because we were just so into talking about the characters and, um, the villains and the anti heroes and all of that stuff. And I think that that one we're having a lot of trouble watching, just because if you don't know, the legend of Korra is a spinoff series of Avatar: The Last Airbender, and it follows what happens after the characters from Avatar: The Last Airbender have grown up and died off and it's about the whole next generation. So we have a lot to say.

Alex: So much.

Nick: And I think that we also have a lot to say about what other people have to say about it. So we'll just get like five minutes in and like something will happen.

And I'm just like, Oh my God, did you see that article where somebody said, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then we'll just go for like 20 minutes. I was just like, Oh, what were we doing?

Alex: Just shit talking avatar clickbait.

Nick: Yeah.

Alex: But what makes a good villain?

Nick: What makes a good villain? I feel like that's a really, really hard question to answer, because depending on the story, I feel different things make a good villain.

Alex: Right.

Nick: You know, I, something, another question that I put for like a-a conversation starter is does a good villain mean that they're are sympathetic villain? In some stories: yes. They need to be sympathetic for that to be brightening, any kind of, you know, without us just blowing them off.

Alex: Right.

Nick: But in other stories, I feel like if they were sympathetic, Then the protagonist would just kind of get blown off because it's like, Oh, well, I don't know. You know?

Alex: Yeah. Yeah, like I feel like it's almost relational to the protagonist in a certain kind of way where it's like, Oh, you know, I definitely have like my pieces of media where it's like the characters themselves aren't super deep.

Um, and like, I can absolutely admit that where it's just like, Oh yeah, like, I liked this villain because they look cool and they have a good time, but the protagonists in those pieces of media also tend to be a little bit flat.

Um, and I think that that's totally fine, but then like the villains that tend to be in the media that I like that is uh, more like complex. That's also how the protagonists are, is like, there's a lot of nuance to them.

Nick: Right.

Alex: Um, so I think you really have it like spot on there. It's just like what, what's the rest of the tone, like?

Nick: Right. You know? 'Cause one of the villains that I have on here is Count Olaf as one of my favorite villains-

Alex: Oooh, yes!

Nick: -Because he's not sympathetic. You want to throat punch him.

Alex: Oh, he sucks.

Nick: And just like move on with your life, you know, but he still has a-a symbolism and he's the main villain of that story. But by no means, is he the only villain in that story, you know, And he just reminds me of such a classic villain that is evil for one reason, and one reason only. And that is his own personal gain.

Alex: Yes.

Nick: You know?

Alex: Yes. And I kind of liked that you put them on there too, because I feel like with Count Olaf, he's definitely like a character with a lot of depth, but not out of like any sort of like a sympathetic or like deep backstory thing, but just because there's so much intrigue around him. And, uh, just that, it's just like, how does he do the shit that he does, you know?

Nick: Right. Well, and I think that he's a really, really great villain too, because of what he means to the story, you know? You've got these brilliant, genius children that are surrounded by idiot adults.

Alex: Oh yeah.

Nick: You know, and having the tragic backstory that I have, you know, I have definitely had it where, when I was a kid, I would try to talk to an adult about another adult doing something bad.

And while they might be able to be like "Oh yeah, like that is bad" after a while of talking.

Alex: Yeah.

Nick: When the person would go through and do it again, they'd be like "Oh no, they're, they're different." Or like "That's not them." And, you know, Count Olaf, shows it in a very goofy way with his different get-ups and like all of this stuff, but watching it, you know, definitely kind of triggered memories, but not in like a, not in the like bad triggered, you know, but it was kind of like, it definitely made me think of like how apt of a-a character that is, you know, for these kids.

I-I am by no means comparing myself to those children who are absolute geniuses, but it's definitely, I can imagine being a kid or being below 18-

Alex: yeah.

Nick: -And watching that and being like, yeah, it's so obvious, you know, and I definitely would love to see what parents watching that think about that. You know? I-I wonder how many conversations it started or how many thoughts it started about believing your kids, even when it doesn't seem super obvious to you that this person is bad or like that this person is finding different ways around things to hurt your kid.

Alex: Right.

Nick: But it's like put it in such a goofy way that's like really entertaining to watch. [laughs] And so I'm just like, that's, I just love Count Olaf as a villain because he starts so many conversations.

Alex: God, yeah. That is such a good point.

Nick: So I guess that's for me, that's what-that's kind of the thread between all of my favorite villains is that they start really good conversations.

Alex: Oh my gosh. I feel like that is such a good way of hitting the nail on the head with this kind of thing. I feel like sometimes a good villain is almost representational. Um, I feel like on the surface Count Olaf is, uh, sort of one of the goofiest, two dimensional villains that you can think of,

Nick: Right.

Alex: But he definitely is like one of the best villains that I can think of for that exact reason, especially for children who do grow up with a lot of like trauma and that kind of nature, and like grow up in like the system, how hard it is for kids in general to bring cases against like adults in their lives.

Um, yeah, God, that is such a good point. I really love that.

Nick: Right. And I really love that, like, until you start thinking of it that way, you probably don't think of him as being that great of a villain, you know, even putting him on here. He was one of the last ones that I added to my list and I quote,

"putting him next to the others it's hard to see him being on the same level and perhaps he's not, but I just, I just have to give love to a villain that is so classic,"

but, you know, actually talking it through beyond the couple of notes that I put down, I'm like, Yeah, no, he is a fucking fantastic villain,

Alex: Right? Like pretty S tier, you know, like not necessarily like a sympathetic villain or something or somebody that you would like want to hang out with, but like very classically, like-

Nick: Just Grade-A bad guy.

Alex: Just good, good, bad guy.

Nick: [laughs] Alright, you want to talk about one of yours?

Alex: Sure thing!

Nick: I feel like we talked about Olaf for three years.

Alex: Absolutely. Cause I would love to follow up on that one with sort of my analog for that: um, another person that I don't find super sympathetic. Uh, but I do find to be a pretty good villain, which is The Handler from The Umbrella Academy.

Which, um, I'm trying to figure out how much to talk about her.

I'm going to try and stay away from plot as much as possible.

Nick: Good luck.

Alex: Um, just for people that haven't watched season two yet.

Right.

But just like, I feel like she's also someone that is so representational of like literal systems.

Nick: Right!

Alex: Um, and also someone that has put so much of herself into the establishment and like so much faith into it that it's kind of like consumed her in this way that she kind of genuinely thinks that she's doing the thing that she's supposed to be doing, that's like better for everyone. Um, and season two it's a little bit, uh, kind of on the fence about that one, but especially in like season one and early season two, I love a good villain that mirrors people that you might meet.

Nick: Right, absolutely.

Alex: Like, Oh, we love a good bad boss [laughs]

Nick: Yeah, she definitely was just kind of in season one, a big stand in for just like the world's shittiest boss that, you know, will actually slit your throat if you don't get things done on time.

But I think that even still in season two, she holds some of that capitalism propaganda kind of thing of she loses her position and, and really loses her identity and is willing to do whatever it takes to not only get her position back, but go even further. And I feel like that's really, I hate to say apt again, but apt for how capitalism kind of makes us all be.

Alex: Yeah!

Nick: You have to work as hard as you can to get all the way up the ranks. And you know, you slip up once, maybe twice and you're demoted and everything goes downhill and you either find a way to deal with that or you don't. And. You, you know, you spiral. And I think that there's so much, especially in the United States where we are, there's this really intense correlation between your job and your identity?

Alex: Yes!

Nick: I feel like, especially since we got married, whenever I talk about you. Just cause you know, you come up more in conversations because people like to call you my other half. And like, that's one of the first things that comes up after I tell people your name is "what do they do?" And it's really hard to have hobbies outside of a job.

Alex: Exactly.

Nick: Especially, in the generation that we're in. If you do have a hobby outside of a job, you're trying to make it become your job.

Alex: Exactly.

Nick: And I feel like that's a lot kind of how she seemed to be, was just this, her identity was very, very intertwined with her job. And so it, to her, it must've felt like her identity got stripped away.

And then she was like, okay, well, I don't like that powerlessness. So I'm going to flip it around.

Alex: Exactly, exactly. And like, that's something that I think is so interesting with the whole commission and that I love so much that originally that was just kind of like a funny kind of gag about the show during- I'm gonna talk a little bit about season one since it's been out for a minute.

Nick: Yeah, it's been out for over a year.

Alex: And I just think it's so interesting seeing someone like Hazel compared to like the handler, um, when it comes to like when your job starts to turn against you. And just kind of, especially with the handler, what I thought was so interesting about her, especially like hearing you talk about it. Um, the flip in season two makes a lot of sense to me because of the way that capitalism is talked about is like this huge, like meritocracy and just sort of like, Oh, you're supposed to get what you work for.

And like, you know, this like thing happens to her and, uh, she expects to be welcomed back and she made this huge, like sacrifice for the commission and to just kind of deal with what she dealt with. Then it's like, of course, she's going to kind of, have a reaction to it. And it's really interesting seeing the ways that different people react to things like that, because I feel like that's a very much a moment where either it radicalizes you or you like latch on harder ever until the establishment.

And she kind of did both.

Nick: Yeah. Somehow she did both in all of the worst ways,

Alex: Literally.

Nick: And talking about things now, 'cause we hadn't really gotten into this conversation too, too much because we wanted to have this conversation on the podcast.

Alex: Yes.

Nick: And until this conversation, I didn't sympathize with her at all.

I was just like, yeah, I know she's 100% bad. Like, well, nobody is a hundred percent bad. She's like 99% bad. And so I really don't sympathize with her, but thinking of it and talking like this now, I'm like well, you know what, actually,

Alex: right.

Nick: You know, if I had a job and I had to leave for reasons and I came back and they were like, Oh yeah, you're demoted. I would be pissed. I would lose my ever loving mind!

Alex: Oh yeah.

Nick: I wouldn't go to the links that she does, but that's because in, uh, in our universe, jail exists

Alex: [laughs]

Nick: and I don't want to go there!

Alex: Would not like to go to real jail.

Nick: Would not like to go to real jail! [laughs]

Alex: Oh gosh. So that was definitely my, a big one for me was the handler. I have a lot of feelings about her.

Nick: Right? Since we're on the umbrella Academy, do you want to go to your other one?

Alex: Yes. We just finished up watching it. So that's why I have so many from them.

Nick: Yeah, a lot of these favorite villains, uh, I've mentioned in the previous episode that I have a bad memory and I'm probably going to mention it in every episode because I have a bad memory.

Uh, But a lot of these are shows that I just watched so they're my favorite villains right now. In two months, they'll be different. And probably two months ago they were totally different. Um, a lot of these shows are just shows that we recently watched. And if I was able to unlock all of my memory, they would probably be completely different, you know?

So. Don't come at me for my favorite villains. Don't be like, how could you not talk about XYZ villain? They're the best one that was ever made.

Alex: Right? Like, I'm just like, I've consumed so much media in my lifetime. I don't know.

Nick: I've consumed so much media in the last couple of months.

Alex: Yeah.

Nick: What else was I supposed to do?

Alex: Right?

Nick: I'm not going outside.

Alex: [laughs] Right. No. Yeah. I'm absolutely the same. Like so many of mine are things that I've watched recently. So grain of salt, but, um, one of my favorite recent villi-villians, uh, one of my favorite recent villians is Vanya Hargreeves. [laughs]

Oh my God. I live and die for Vanya Hargreeves.

Nick: That one, we really probably shouldn't get too much into what happens in season two, because if we talk about anything about season two, it'll be a spoiler.

Alex: I can and will cry.

Both: [laugh]

Alex: That's a promise and a threat. [laughs]

Nick: But, at this point, if you haven't seen season one, I just I'm so sorry at this point, like that's your bad.

It was one of, it's been in the top 10 on Netflix for forever. Season one came out over a year ago. I'm sorry. Go watch it before we ruin it. Just pause this, leave, come back. We'll be waiting. Okay. Are you back now? Let's talk about Vanya Hargreaves.

Alex: Let's talk about her. She's the best.

Nick: [laughs]

Alex: Oh my God. I love her so much because like I love a good heel turn so much.

Um, and I think they did it really well with her, um, because I love that they don't pull any fucking punches. Um, like the stuff that she does is pretty heinous, but also I love that they don't shy away from the fact that like, pretty much at every turn when things go wrong with her, the obvious option, and the thing that pretty much all of the siblings and everyone, like, even not the siblings agrees, is like the best intervention is like rehabilitation. Um, and like just fucking talking to her and being nice to her. And I love it when a show. Is willing to not just be like, Oh yeah, this person became a villain, but you're still supposed to like them.

So the most they're going to do is like kind of shove someone a little bit. Like, no, she like. I dunno, she like kills people like multiple people. And like, one of them is like a nice old man, like, you know,

Nick: a nice old monkey

Alex: a nice old monkey, like he's adorable and she just like- Oh, it's brutal. But like, At pretty much every turn, you still sympathize with her because of the way that they play out what she's going through.

I don't know if that's a thing that everyone sympathizes with, but I definitely do.

Nick: Yeah, absolutely. Like for me the first time that I watched it through, when it first came out, I didn't see any of it coming the second time I knew it was coming and I still was like, "Oh my God, that's right!" And even the third time when I finally like watched it with you, I knew! I just watched it like a week before.

Alex: Right.

Nick: And I was just like, Oh, my God. I forgot already.

Alex: That's cold.

Nick: But again, with my personal tragic backstory, I get it, man. If I had those powers, I get it. I would snap. You know again, please don't play this episode in a court of law.

Both: [laugh]

Alex: After I have snapped, please don't-

Nick: After I have snapped. Uh, can somebody please go through and scrub this episode from the internet? [laughs]

Um, but, you know, with having all of her memories erased from her childhood and having them all come rushing back at once and also then, you know, turning around and asking your family for forgiveness, for the bad things that you've done since realizing that, that you didn't have any of these memories as a kid.

And. You know, after having been manipulated and "dealing" with said manipulator, uh, and coming back to like beg for forgiveness and like talk. And having them lock you up because they're scared of you. I would have snapped. I would have snapped so much sooner, probably, you know,

Alex: Oh my God. I ooh that whole scene, I- just like ask Nick. I was dying because like, Oh my God, The whole, like fact that the, um, the little like jail cell thing that she's in is like soundproofed, killed me because it really. I feel like did extra, just in the fact that, uh, like everyone, except for Luther basically was on the side of like, "Hey, no, she's our sister. We need to let her out and talk to her because she's still our sister." And like, she cries at bugs dying. Like, are you kidding me? Like she was going through something, but like, she can't hear any of that. All she sees is people yelling and she's like in a little cage.  

Nick: Right. She can't hear any of that.

And also at the end, all of them decide to side with Luther anyways, you know, they're not happy about it, but they leave her in there. So, you know, she can't understand that they ha- they were arguing for her and that, you know, Luther kind of overpowered them. But I also think that it's really funny because in that scene, that was the most, um, diplomatic argument that they'd had all season, you know, like Diego almost killed Luther in episode one, but if you'll notice he didn't draw a weapon at all in that episode against Luther-

Alex: Rude!

Nick: -Like suddenly they're just talking?

Alex: [scoffs] Bad timing.

Nick: Right. You know? So like, of course she's gonna snap. And so I feel like she is an incredibly sympathetic villain.  And I love her and I just... [chuckles]

Alex: Right, I just feel like it's so masterful that you can make a villain that's like that sympathetic and also like, so distructive.

Nick: Just absolutely brutal.

Alex: Just so brutal. Oh my God. I love her so much. And I feel like this is a good introduction to what. I talk about as my, you know, how some people have like, um, fantasy football leagues?

Nick: Yeah. [laughs]

Alex: I have a uh, fantasy DBT group. Um, because- [laughs] I am a big fan of dialectical behavior therapy. And, um, I'm not going to give like a whole thing on that, but basically like for those who don't know, uh, it's a therapy that's largely geared towards people who have been through like, traumatic situations.

And a lot of the time, uh, when we're watching a piece of media, I'll do the, like, pausing it to talk for like half an hour thing, except I'll like, pause it and I'll turn to Nick and I'll be like, I have a new person that I want to invite to my fantasy DBT group. [both laugh] And Vanya is definitely in the fantasy DBT group.

Nick: Oh yeah. Absolutely.

Alex: Along with several others on this list you will meet soon.

Nick: Yeah. I think a couple on my list too. You're just like, come on, man. Come on.

Alex: You're invited. I believe in you.

Nick: Yeah. I think that a couple that you really want to be in your DBT group... Some that kind of started your fantasy DBT group where Zuko and Azula.

Alex: Yes!

Nick: And I think that it's really funny because on my list I have Azula. And on yours you have Zuko,

Alex: I sure do.

Nick: Uh, just since we've been talking about yours for a minute, I'll I'll go ahead and talk about Azula.

Alex: Hell yeah.

Nick: Uh, she's very arguably a sympathetic villain.

Alex: Yes!

Nick: And I think that following up after Vanya, I can't say that Vanya is simpathetic, and Azula's not, you know, you know, she has some very serious, very obvious mental health issues, you know, in the last couple of episodes, there's a point where even Zuko kind of is like, Oh, she's kind of lost it. And, I love that because he acts like it's so minimal how much she's lost it. And meanwhile, she's like over there, like sweating and panting and she's got the most fucked up haircut. Cause she gave herself- [laughs]

Alex: She has like the full like breakdown bangs and everything. Like we've all been there.

Nick: [laughs] Right, um, and I feel like with those two, it brings up a very intense conversation about nature versus nurture because they're siblings, they were raised by the same parents, you know, they both had the same mom, the same dad.

And so I feel like it's easy to say, Oh, well, Zukos nature is to be a good guy. And that's why he ended up a good guy. And Azula his nature is just to be uh, crazy, I guess, but. I feel like it's still a lot: nurture because Zuko had such a more intense, close relationship with his mother who was the nice one.  And it seemed like Azula had a lot more of a relationship with her father who was an asshole.

Alex: Right.

Nick: And, you know, that's not saying that, Oh, well, if you have a mother figure in your life, then you're just going to turn out to be a good guy. And you know, if you more only have a father figure, then you're just going to be a little asshole. That's not it. The characters were-

Alex: Yeah. Absolutely.

Nick: You know, down to the point of like Zuko and Azula's grandpa on their mom's side-or their great grandpa on their mom's side was avatar Roku. So like she was meant to be their good half and the dad was meant to come from the bad half: big, huge air quotes on good and bad, but, you know, uh, And something else with Azula that I definitely can kind of relate to is that she was born a prodigy.

Alex: Yeah!

Nick: And that's something that got mentioned is, you know, at first, when she was young, she didn't have to work for her fire bending skills, she just had them. And, you know, as someone who was the smart kid, when I was younger and like got put into all of these like big, smart kid classes and saw the other kids that got put into the big smart kid classes, you kind of go one of two ways where either like you start pushing yourself to insanity, to continue being the smart kid and the prodigy, and like still be seen as perfect because you've been kind of bestowed with this perfect-ness and, you know, everybody sees from you and you feel you have to keep up; or you get totally overloaded and give up, I got totally overloaded and gave up. Azula got obsessed with that perfection because she was so young.

Alex: Yeah.

Nick: When she got, uh, You know, when she was already being told, Oh, you're a prodigy. You did it perfectly like you're so much better than your older brother. And, you know, so I think that following that path of perfection definitely led her to having that breakdown, you know, and not being able to have genuine friends.

Because she was so obsessed with being seen as like the most perfect and the most powerful, you know, especially with her dad being, being in, wanting to be the most powerful man in the world. How do you follow that up?

Alex: Exactly.

Nick: Especially with your brother being an outcast and totally banished and like, you know, seen as a loser, you have to work so hard for people to not think that you're going down that same path as your stinky little brother, you know?

Both: [laugh]

Alex: Exactly. Yeah. And I feel like even like, from the perspective of like, you know, when she kind of goes off the rails as well, and just kind of thinking about the things that sorta lead up to that and like the family dynamics and all of that, and just like. How much- I don't know. I found a lot of like sympathy with her and like her family dynamics, especially with Zuko where like in their own way- like, you can very much tell that, like, she just kinda wants to have like a family, but she doesn't totally know what that is supposed to look like in a lot of ways. Like, not like she just wants that, but like, I feel like in a lot of ways she does want that. It was just like, "you should come back and live with us."

But like she doesn't, she's a really classic example, I feel like, of people use the tools that they have in order to navigate their lives and like the things that she's been shown her whole life have been, you know, like manipulation and just like shows of force and things. So it's like in order to get like love, which is something and like, Being able to be around like her brother again, like she does all these things that like, as we're watching it for the first time, we're just like, Oh God, like that's so shitty.

And it is shitty, but it's like, kind of thinking about it again. And like seeing her, especially in like season three, like ah, damn , this is just sort of what she knows how to do. And she might not even totally know she's doing it.

Nick: Right. You know, because, with the adults that she had in her life, especially with her and Zuko's mom leaving when she did, I mean, not that she had a choice. Zuko had a lot more time with their mom who was the good one, but then Azula was so much younger. I think that there, I think there's a point where she talks about like, not even remembering what their mom looks like.

Alex: I want to say so.

Nick: You know, so of course, like all she knows is her crazy ass dad and her crazy ass grandpa.

And she knows that her dad killed her grandpa to get power, you know, and seeing him get that power through brute force and through manipulation. How else is she supposed to, you know, go about? And I think that Zuko then in the beginning definitely shows that same, but he's so blessed with having his uncle Iroh to guide him and show him that that's not how it's done, but Azula doesn't get that.

And it's, it's really easy to sympathize her thinking sympathize with her. Thinking about those specific things, but I feel like it's also really hard because she did have opportunities to, fix that and-and be able to think critically about things. And she just chose not to. And I, and I don't know, i-it's one of those things where like, it's just hard, you know,

Alex: Mhmm.

Nick: Like I understand why she did everything that she did. But then there's just so much to me, that's like, come on you could've just...

Alex: Right. Like, come on, man.

Nick: You know, like your friends turned against you to join the other side. Like that could have been your opportunity, man. And it's like for the show, I'm so glad that they didn't then have her turn around and be the good guy because that would have been so annoying if every single bad guy who was like, Oh, actually it's time for my redemption arc now.

Alex: I'm radio rebel! [ laughs]

Nick: I'm radio rebel! I'm lemonade mouth! [laughs] But just thinking about like, if she were a real person, I'm like, come on, man. You could have.

Alex: Right. Absolutely.

Nick: I'm just like, you're going to continue to be on the side that everyone that it seems like you do love and care about in your own way is against?

Alex: Like, I feel like she reminds me a lot in that very same way of, um, like kind of what we're talking about with the handler of just like, what happens when the thing that, you know, Kind of turns against you and is like destabilized and it's just like, do you like cling on for dear life or do you like jump ship?

And it's just like, God does she cling on for dear life!

Nick: Oh, she clings on for dear life. Meanwhile, Zuko, you know, jumped ship and realizes that, uh, there's better things for him to do then try to please his father and family, and like,

Alex: yeah,

Nick: the sweet, awkward boy,

Alex: My sweet, sweet boy, God, I love him so much. [Nick laughs]

Oh my goodness. Like it's so funny because I'm just like, do all of the villains that I like come in twos and like follow a pattern because now I'm just like, yeah. So I like the handler and Vanya and then it was just like, yeah. And then Azula and Zuko. And I'm just like, yeah. So then you have the one that's like very establishment and kind of like loses it.

And then you have the one that like, kind of, uh, [laughs] Is that is like very sympathetic and, um, I'm very proud of them for going as hard as they did. Uh, but it still manages to remain sympathetic [both laugh] like that's something that I also really appreciate with them writing Zuko is that like, he didn't really go to being like on Aang's side until ,  like way towards the end. Um, despite the amount of times during the show that you're like, okay, this is the time I'm so ready. It's all happening. It's gonna happen. Um, but it doesn't, and it's always so frustrating, but again, it's one of those things where I'm kinda like glad that they waited until it made the most sense, because again, it's like you live your whole life, just kind of knowing this one thing and just kind of in pursuit of this singular goal, that your brain is just kind of structured around it.

And like, that's another thing that I love so much that like, while I was watching it, I was like, Oh, that's kind of like, Interesting that they did that, but the more I think about it, um, the more I appreciate it is like the whole like, breakdown that he has.

Nick: right where he like gets really sick?

Alex: Yeah, where he gets really sick and just kind of is like- I think he's like passed out even, or just like dang near for like several days, because of just like this moral decision.

Like, you know, I feel like that's something that I'm really glad that they gave him credit for. Um, and I feel like also kind of speaks to maybe some of why Azula didn't like defect or like why things like hit her as hard as they did. It was just sort of like how much this family has like told them that the things that they are doing is like the right way to be, that it's just like being physically ill, you know?

Nick: Right, absolutely.

Alex: And I'm just like, man, I love this 'lil guy so much and just kind of like watching him learn to navigate the world is so fascinating. And he's just such a teen.

Nick: Right?

Alex: I love villains that you can just very much see the aspects of them beyond, um, like what makes them like a villain. He's very much a teen boy. I love that about him so much.

Nick: Yeah. I think that that's something else that makes him a really, really good villain, and then hero, is that being young adults, I feel like- being young adults that have done not great things ourselves, like not as bad as them,

Alex: [chuckles] yeah

Nick: But you know, like, being a teenager and just wanting to be accepted and just wanting love and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And being willing to do whatever that takes and just following what your parents and like older people have told you is like how things are, and then starting to get older and realizing that that's not how it has to be, you know. And I feel like it really strikes a chord, you know, thinking about Zuko and then thinking about growing through your teens and like young adult stages of like everything that you do and everything that you think and say is dictated by authority figures in your life. And then kind of moving on to having less and less of those authority figures being authority figures, you know, even if they're still there. Kind of starting to be able to think for yourself and realize things and it really can make you physically sick to kind of make that change, you know? And for real humans, that change is really, really slow. For him, that kind of like s- that switch flipped really fast.

And so that sickness really got him.

Alex: Absolutely.

Nick: Yeah. I think that it's really incredible to watch it and see this like thing that I know that I've gone through. And I feel like a lot of people have gone through with, you know, growing up and getting a little bit older. I say that like, I'm super old, but like-

Alex: Ancient.

Nick: -Getting into the more, like getting into your early twenties and like. Really finally becoming an adult, even though there's never a point where you like really are an adult.

Alex: Yes.

Nick: I keep thinking every year, like this is the year somebody that like, people are gonna see me as an adult, but then everybody else also gets a year older and they're like, Oh no, no, no, no, no, honey, you're still a baby, and I'm like, shit!  [laughs]

Alex: Oh my god [laughs]

Nick: But,you know, I don't know. [laughs]

Alex: That is so real. Like the only people that see you as an adult are like teenagers.

Nick: Right.

Alex: And it's just like "oh man, still?"

Nick: Right and I'm just like your babies though! [both laugh]  Um, but just watching that and it feels very real that he got sick and it, it I'm really glad that that was there. [chuckles]

Alex: Mhmm. Big, agree.

Nick: You know, it's really almost frustrating when villains don't have that kind of like big averse reaction when they have a redemption arc where they're just like, "I'm cool now!"

Alex: No, it's cool now though.

Nick: Oh, no, we're good. We're good, actually,

Alex: actually I'm cool now.

Nick: [laughs] So speaking of villains that turn around-that just kind of like all of a sudden they're like fine now.

Alex: Surprise!

Nick: Surprise! I would love to talk about the diamonds from Steven universe. I, they are some of the most controversial villains.

Alex: Yeah.

Nick: But I love them all four of them [Alex chuckles] because, the reason that they're so controversial is because it's so easy to make them a stand-in for whatever you want them to be.

Alex: It really is.

Nick: And that's why I love them, you know, and for me, they always represented family. And to me that meant that always like meant something really deep because. [chuckles] Having my tragic backstory [Alex laughs] and having like, I didn't have great parents and they reminded me so much of that kind of thing of, you know, the pivotal episode when white diamond tries to pull pink diamond out of Steven, you know, and is like screaming and crying about how his name isn't Steven, it's Pink. He'll always be Pink, no matter what he tries to do. And like talking about how he's being silly for acting like this and talking about, uh, how he's acting like a spoiled child and like how she's so over all of his tantrums while she's throwing a huge tantrum.

Alex: Literal tantrum,

Nick: A literal tantrum. And I, I, I know that he has like that perfect line that I can't remember now, and I should have looked it up, but of just like "Oh, well, If I'm a spoiled little brat, that's throwing a tantrum then, uh, what are you?" I think that it is really frustrating that their redemption just kind of flipped like that really fast, but also it was very obvious that the show was coming to a close.

Alex: [chuckles] Yeah...

Nick: So I don't know that they could have done it any slower, but I think that it's also one of those things where. They realized all of the harm that they'd done. And so I think that making that flip was really still pretty realistic. And really necessary that it had to, it had to happen. And I think that it's also really easy to say that it happened super, super fast because we ha- we got that time skip and I don't know, it's just... and I, I love them as villains, even because after their redemption, they're still fucking awful, but they're trying, and they have to be reminded because I know you haven't seen the last, er-because  I know that you watched the movie, but I don't, you haven't seen any of Steven universe future. Um, right?

Alex: I don't believe so, no.

Nick: Yeah. Uh, in the, or I can't remember if it's a movie or if it's Steven universe future, but they're still like slipping up and like calling him Pink and like, you know, and, calling other gems "lower life forms" still. And, but  I think that it was really important to show that because they needed to grow.

And I think that that was some criticism that they got was that they flipped so fast that they didn't actually like grow. And then the show writers were just like, Oh, well just, just fucking wait a second. [both laugh] I love that they were able to make up and kind of fix things, but still show that they were growing and changing and they were still learning.

I also really love what they did with their redemption and forgiveness arc, where they let Steven still, you know, kind of talk to them and teach them and be civil with them without just kind of giving into their every whim and, you know, being overly nice to them in the name of forgiveness, because that is definitely something that I've seen in like different villain redemption tropes before is like, " Oh, well all is forgiven. We're good." And it's like, uh, all might be forgiven, but we are not good.

Alex: We are certainly not good.

Nick: And the diamonds having this idea of like, "Oh, we're forgiven and everything's good." And having Steven say "no, you're mostly forgiven. But we're not good. You still have a lot to learn and a lot to work on." And I think that that's really, really important to have a kid's show.

Alex: Yes, especially in the context of like, kind of talking about those sorts of relationships is like, I think a lot of the time where like inclined to give people a pass  just for trying. [chuckles]

Nick: Right.

Alex: When it's like, you know, people should still be held accountable, even if it's like also being gentle. You know, even if it's like, I do care about you and I want you to do better. And that's why I am challenging you instead of just being like, Oh yeah, that's just how it is sometimes anyways, the past is the past, that's water under the bridge, goodbye! You know?

Nick: Right. Just like. Ah yeah, like you're still saying kind of crappy stuff, but like, you know, you're not like actually killing people anymore, so it's fine.

Alex: So I'm pretty sure we're good actually. [both laugh]

Nick: But yeah, I, I love them because they can stand in for so much because like, you know, for the people where it, they don't see them as like being stand-ins for fam- for shitty family members, they do see them as like politicians or capitalism or society at large. And I think that that's what makes them so great is that no matter what you see them as they still piss you off.

Alex: [laughs] That is so real.

Nick: Y'know, and even with pink diamond, like so far, we've only really talked about the other three, but like pink diamond is an incredible villain, because you, even after you learn about her being a villain, there's still so much of you that loves her because you've known her as this - as Rose this whole time. And this, this idealized different version of her that had changed.

So it's really easy to be like, Oh no, but like, That's Rose she's changed. She's different, but like there's still all of these moments and full episodes that show that like, even though she had grown and changed, there was so much that she still needed to do to grow and change into like being the best version of herself that she could be.

Alex: Right.

Nick: Which was Steven, you know, and I saw a theory a while back about it that was talking about that, about how her realizing that she needed to grow and change made her Rose, and then realizing that she had grown and changed as much as she could as Rose is what made her decide to have Steven and like become part of Steven because she'd done all that she could as, you know, what she was.

And that is such an incredible redemption, you know, for her, while also still being able to understand that there was never really a point where she was the good guy.

Alex: Right. Exactly.

Nick: You know, and they go into it in Steven Universe Future, where Steven has to deal with a lot of that stuff where it's like, he spent his whole life thinking that he was the good guy and being the good guy that it kind of came back to bite him in the ass, you know, as he got older and like starting to actually have to deal with things and kind of becoming the villain in his own story. And I just, ah I love it so much. [laughs]

Alex: Oh my Gosh.

Nick: Even though people wanna like, not love it. I'm just, I do. [both laugh]

Alex: Oh man, I really need to watch Steven Universe Future now cause that sounds really good.

Nick: I think that everybody should watch it, but yeah, like all of the Diamonds are such good villains because even with Pink, you know, just like with Azula you can understand where a lot of her anger and issues stemmed from. And even though you wish over and over again, that she would just fucking learn and do better, you can see where she just can't.

Alex: Right, where it's just like ingrained.

Nick: Right, where it's just so ingrained that like, pretty much the only thing that she can do is  completely change into a different person, you know? And it's just, I love it. I love it. I love it. [both laugh]

Alex: Hell yeah.

Nick: I think that that's about all I can say about the diamonds right now.

Alex: That's so good.

Nick: Cause it's been, it's been a while since I've seen Steven Universe, so it's not fresh on my mind, but I know that I love them as villains.

Alex: Exactly, yeah. Just like one of those things where it's just like, "I don't know exactly how I feel, but I know that it's positive." [laughs]

Nick: Right, I absolutely should have used this episode as a reason to go back and binge watch everything.

Alex: [laughs] I'm doing research for the podcast.

Nick: Right. And I definitely did go back and kind of like do quote unquote "research" for this, uh, for some stuff but I thought that I would just kind of, for some reason, I thought that I would just kind of like remember more stuff as I went and I just didn't.

Alex: Imagine having a working memory.

Nick: Imagine.  

Alex: Oh, gosh.

Nick: But yeah, you've got two that I am very excited to talk about.

Alex: Oh yeah, I sure do. Because I have, um, everyone's favorite icy boy. [laughs]

Nick: Everyone's favorite villain that is awful at being a villain.

Alex: He's real bad at it. Like I-- [laughs]-- um, the Ice Cream-- "Ice Cream"...?

Nick: The Ice Cream!

Alex: The Ice Cream Parasocial.

Nick: Welcome to our podcast, The Ice Cream, and--

Alex: The Ice Cream-- Ice Cream Parasocial is very bad at being a villain. [laughs]

I started to say at being a podcast. I hope we're not that bad at being a podcast yet.

Nick: I mean, we're only at episode two, so we're kind of bad at being a podcast.

Alex: Yeah. Like it hasn't happened.

Nick: Episode two is always bad at being a podcast.

Alex: But, uh, but yeah, no, the Ice King ,  from Adventure Time, Simon Petrikov. I love, I love him so much. Cause like, talk about a fucking 2D villain that ended up becoming extremely 3D while also still managing to be extremely 2D.

Nick: Right.

Alex: Oh my gosh. Um, like the first few episodes where you start to kind of figure out like who he is. And like, his backstory are so interesting because I feel like a lot of the things that I think are so fascinating about him are sort of like, I don't know. It like really makes you think a lot about like personality, I guess, and just brains and what makes us... us.

Nick: Mhmm.

Alex: And just like the amount of times that people will have interactions with him , who  know him as Simon and like knew him, before he was the Ice King, who kind of like want that from him. And like, he can't really give that to them. And it's like frustrating for everyone involved.

Nick: Right.

Alex: And it's just so like interesting to kind of see those interactions happen. And just kind of like... when I was watching through Adventure Time and a lot of these episodes, uh, for the first time, going into my tragic backstory ever so slightly--

Both: [Laughing]

Alex: Uh, just dealing with a lot of mental health stuff, for myself and for just like some people in my life, it really was like cathartic, I guess, uh, to just sort of see a character that felt so representational of just the sort of like, not knowing who  someone very familiar is.  And almost then coming back around to like, love the new person anyways.

Nick: Absolutely.

Alex: Which I think is something that I do really appreciate a lot about adventure time. Is that in the end, like, you know, it doesn't really end up with him, like going back and like becoming Simon, like it's just like, no, I, one of my favorite quotes that I wish I knew off the top of my head, but.

Towards the end of adventure time, one of the later like ice King episodes, there's something in there that's something like, "I'm the ice King and I'm worthy of love too."  and it just really like hit because it's just like, you know, when I was watching through the first few episodes, where you like, kind of figure out his backstory, I remember having a lot of like, emotions about it and just the sort of like, Oh man, you know, like dealing with mental health and like kind of this loss of a sense of self, or like sense of like other people that I knew in my life.

Um, And just kind of being like, man, I really want to get that back. Like, it really sucks that that's gone forever. And then like kind of going through a bunch of emotional acts in my own personal tragic backstory TM, um, and then ending up as an adult watching like some of the finale episodes of adventure time and like seeing this little moment happen where he kind of gets away from this, like, you know, sort of like two dimensional, silly villain kind of thing that he does to just be like, Hey, no, like I'm a person also. And you can also like me, you know?

Nick: Right, absolutely.

Alex: I'm my own guy. [laughs]

It's something about that just really hit was just like, no, there's things to love about this too. I also just love on the surface, um, just with him, how much he just, wants affection and like how much that changed over the course of the series and how at the beginning it was very much like, Oh, it was like this creepy old man towards-

Nick: just stealing princesses.

Alex: [laughing] Yeah. Like just stealing princesses and then over the course of the series, just sort of becoming just like, he just wants some pals. He just wants friends.

Nick: Right, and

Alex: just

Nick: kind of figuring out that the companionship that he thought that he wanted with the princesses, he was able to find it in other places with just having friends.

Alex: Right.

Nick: I feel like that's something that people genuinely go through, is you know, thinking that they, really want this relationship, this romantic relationship with people, but, in reality, all they really want and need is like a couple of good friends, a couple of good pals.

Alex: [laughs] Right. And like, that's one of the things that I love a lot about adventure time too, is that I feel like it's a show that very much kind of grew with its audience. Um, and just kind of even using that as an example, and thinking about like, you know, when you're growing up and you're a preteen to like a young teenager and everything is about like, Oh, you gotta date.

And like, you have to find a partner, or something, um, partner feels like a weird term. Cause I started to say like boyfriend or girlfriend, but like, you know, gender neutral something, find someone to date, I guess. Um, and that's like the whole thing that you do, and then just kind of like growing up and being like, Oh, I can get this from other places. I feel like that's so much, like a lot of the tone in the show is just sort of like, just kind of growing up with the people that grew up with it, um, until I kinda came to a close and they did so many satisfying things, with the ice King in like the final season.

And I'm just like, man, if you haven't finished adventure time, then you should really finish adventure time. Cause it's amazing.

Nick: Right, I really want to go through and rewatch it now because-

Alex: Same!

Nick: I vaguely like, I, I know what you're saying and I know that I've like, I know that I've seen it and I know that I know the story, but like I don't have a whole lot to add because I it's been so long since I've seen it like to the point that I believe that if I watched it, it would be like the first time again,

Alex: No, yeah, same.

Nick: So I'm just like-

Alex: It's been a few years.

Nick: Yeah. I'm was just like, I should definitely rewatch that.

Alex: Yeah, like, I feel like that honestly just speaks to how much it hit me uh that this is like my one memory, like the one, my one brain cell is just clinging desperately to the ice King from like, I don't know, 2018 or whatever.

Nick: Absolutely.

Alex: [laughs]  But yeah, that was one of my big boys that I really wanted to get to one of my cartoon boys. I'm realizing now how many of mine are very mental health oriented. [laughs]

Nick: Well, I mean, that makes sense. Like, I know that I kind of talked shit about people being defined by their jobs in the beginning, but your job is in mental health and like, [ laughs]

Alex: Yeah, like it's something that I'm passionate about and I feel like I would be passionate about, even if it weren't my job. Um, but yeah, and like, that's definitely a part of the lens that I used to look at media and it shows.

Nick: Right.

Alex: Because my other big boy that I really wanted to talk about today is, from a little show that I feel like doesn't get enough love, and it should get more

Nick: Nowhere near enough love.

Alex: It's amazing. Um, if you haven't watched Kipo on Netflix. I forget what the full title is. I always just call it Kipo

Nick: uh, Kipo and the age of wonder beasts?

Alex: I believe so. Yeah.

Nick: Something like that, but I mean, you can find it just by looking up Kipo. Nothing else is called Kipo.

Alex: Yeah. Like, um, it's a really, really, really good show, and it has a villain that actively made me mad when I started to like him.

Nick: Oh yeah. Same, and I knew, cause I watched it before you watched it. And then we were watching it together and I knew it was going to piss you off when you started to like him, because in the first, like half of the season, it was just very much like, yeah, fuck this guy. I want nothing to do with this guy. Get him off the show. I hate him so much, but I knew the twist that was coming and I was like, you are going to be so mad.

Alex: Get them out of my fucking sight.

Nick: Right. They're just like, Oh, this guy sucks. And I'm like little do you know, he sucks AND he has a tragic backstory.

Alex: Yes. And you're going to love him. [laughs]

Oh my gosh. Scarlemagne, I- oh my God. He also very much follows my theme of villains that I adore when they frustrate me, because they don't, um, know, how to be good. Or like when you, think that they're going to, uh, I know that there's like a term. A term for like, whatever the opposite of a heel turn is, but I don't, I guess like redemption arc.

But like, when you think they're going to have a redemption arc and then they kind of like psych you out with it.

Nick: Right. Because they just don't, you can like, see that they just don't comprehend.

Alex: Right. Like they're just not quite there yet. And like, that's something that they do with Zuko, I feel-

that's something they do with Zuko a few times that made me real mad every time, but I'm also glad that they did it. And it's something that they did with Scarlamagne that I was like, Oh my God, I can't believe that they're doing this. That's amazing. And then they [laughs]  and then they faked us out and I was like, Yeah, that's fair. [laughs]

Nick: Right.

Alex: That makes sense, because it makes so much sense for his character. Um, just because so much of what goes on with him is very, again, like the tools that you're given to navigate the world are the ones that you use to navigate the world.

Nick: Absolutely. You know, and when it starts to get into his tragic backstory and right before it kind of shows why he starts thinking the way that he does it's so just, it's so sad because you get to watch him kind of have that mental break and that kind of mental shift of, you know, being really trusting of everything around him, to realizing that the only way that he's going to be able to survive in this world is by being a villain and by being a total asshole and, you know, and the way that the show does it by showing him years after being said asshole, it's just like, ah, man, like, why is he like that?

And then they show you why he's like that. And you're like, I mean-

[both laugh]

-fair that's fair, but I don't like it

Alex: [laughs] That is so true. Like, honestly, just the fact that like walking away from like the episode where you start to figure everything out and I'm just like, you know, a lot of the time I keep coming at things from, uh,

I really like going on the like, am I the asshole? subreddit and I just keep being like, everyone sucks here [laughs] you know, um, and it's just so wild with him, like how he was very much another person where it's like, he does a lot of really awful shit, but like, while he's doing it, you're still just like, no, yeah that's fair. [laughs]

Nick: Right. You know, I feel like it's not too much of a spoiler to say that, you know, he does start to really care for Kipo. She's the main character. And everybody loves her. Like, you know, he starts to really care for her and there's things that she asks of him that he genuinely tries to do. But he's been in this mindset for so long that he just can't.

Really, uh, he thinks that what he's doing is good and to us and, you know, to the other characters, it's so obvious that what he's doing is not good, but he genuinely thinks that he's showing affection at this point, because that's all the affection that he's known for the last like half or more of his life, you know?

Alex: Yeah. And like, it's so interesting with their relationship too, because it reminds me a lot of like the, um, uh, concept in like, Learning in psychology of have like assimilation and accommodation, um, well, where it's basically just like adapting the world around you to like fit your existing worldview when you get new information, versus adapting your worldview when given new information.

And I think that's so much of what makes the bait and switch like really like hit with that whole sequence is that you. I think that it's like, Oh yeah, you see the, you know, he knows that Kipo is good. And like, that means that he's like learned in that his worldview is changing and you know, it doesn't necessarily work like that off the bat, especially when you're dealing with somebody that has that much going on and has had to navigate the world that much with just like so much going against him, I guess, um, that then to see that it was more of a situation of just like, Oh no, this one person is good.

Nick: Right?

Alex: No, everyone else still sucks. But this one person is good.  My love language is murder.

Both: [laugh]

Nick: God. I know that we are not popular enough to get somebody to animate a bit, but all I want is for somebodyto animate my love language is murder.

Alex: My love language is murder!

Nick: Like, somebody who's got like little heart eyes and then like they say murder, like a knife shows up. [both laugh]  Oh, that would be so funny.

Alex: Oh my God. Just like, add that to like the five love languages.

Um, in order I'd say that I'm usually kind of a gift giver, but outside of that, I do, I do really like murder. [laughs]

Nick: Oh my God.

Alex: Oh, God. [ laughs]

Nick: All right. And this has been Ice Cream Parasocial! [laughs]

Alex: Do not read this in a court of law [laughs]

Nick: but do follow us on Twitter and Instagram @parasocialpod and on, and subscribe to our YouTube channel, uh, Ice Cream Parasocial, and hopefully soon I'll be able to tell you to give us a good rating on iTunes.

Alex: Yeah!

Nick: We'll see ya next week!

Alex: Please. Apple podcasts. Notice us. [both laugh] I'm begging you.

Nick: apple senpai notice me. [laughter, followed by outro song]

[gregkatepetegowest]

The Last Stop (Kinda): Louisville, KY

Okay, we have been home for nearly a month now and life has caught up with me. BUT I need to give the people what they want so here come the final two blog posts.

We ended our grand adventure in Louisville, KY. We knew we didn’t really want to be back in Nashville for July 4. Lots of extra tourists here, crowded bars, girls screaming on pedal taverns, etc. I didn’t have to start work until July 6 but wanted to be home July 5 to give myself a day to try to adjust to becoming a functioning adult again. Pete had never been to Louisville before and it’s a short 2.5 hour drive to Nashville so we figured it would be a cool spot to be for the fourth and the end of our journey.

One of Pete’s buddies lives in Louisville and we had plans to see Greensky Bluegrass on the waterfront with them that evening (July 3). We left STL late morning with plans to arrive to downtown Louisville around 3 pm. UNTIL we realized Louisville is EST, whoops! The drive from STL was only about four hours and we high tailed it so we would have time to check-in, walk Greg, shower and meet up Pete’s friend before the show. We stayed at The Moxy, which is dog friendly, a little swanky, but relatively cheap because it’s a boutique hotel (AKA small). Personally, I love boutique hotels and other than the room being a little small for two adults and an adult sized dog it was totally perfect for us. At this point in the trip/year we were back to hot ass southern weather (ugh ugh ugh) so our dog walk was short and sweet.

We met Pete’s friend Dave and his wife Kathleen as a brewery just under a mile away so we were nice and sweaty from our walk by the time we arrived. We had a drink and dinner and met some of Dave’s friends all of whom were very cool. I found out later that one of them had been Cody Rigsby’s roommate in NY for years. So very upsetting that I didn’t know this when I was in her presence. Storing many questions in my brain to ask her when we are back in Louisville next.

After dinner, we headed down to the waterfront where the concert was being held. I used to visit Louisville for work four times and a year but hadn’t been there is years and a lot has changed. The waterfront area has been completely redone and is now a huge park with lots of open space for hanging out, concerts, etc. The city did an amazing job with this transformation. Greensky was really cool. Naturally, I had never heard their music before, like many of the concerts that Pete brings me to, but I love bluegrass and live music so I had a blast. After Greensky, we walked back to The Moxy to take Greg out. We ended up grabbing a drink from the hotel bar and sitting outside with Greg which was great.

Louisville day two started with a 9 am class at Shed 415. Dave’s wife, Kathleen, owns the gym (she is a badass, clearly) and naturally after having a couple beverages I told her I’d LOVE TO TRY IT OUT! The next morning I was not quite as excited to run on a treadmill and lift weights for an hour but I knew it’s what Pete and I both needed so we put our shades on, walked Greg, chugged water and headed over to the gym. The class was great! Similar format to Barry’s Bootcamp but way more mellow, inclusive, no bros with shirts off, etc. Really, really loved it and the class flew by. If you find yourself in Louisville, I recommend you go and support Kathleen by taking a class at one of her studios (Shed 415).

After class, Pete and I felt like brand new people, and it was time to refuel. We went back to The Moxy to grab Gregor and then met Kathleen and Dave for coffee and breakfast (lox on a bagel, so good).

After breakfast Pete, Greg and I headed to PG&J's Dog Park Bar. We wanted to hit it before it got any hotter and we were still dirty from our class. PG&J’s is just as the name states. An indoor/outdoor bar where you can bring your dog and let them off leash to peruse the entire indoor/outdoor facility. The sign in process took quite a while so we sweat some more while we stood outside waiting. Finally, it was our turn! We got Greg all signed in and I was feeling really happy to give him some time off leash after being in the hotel most of the evening the night before.

If you know Greg well, you know he likes to play rough. He also really loves to be chased by his dog friends. Off leash he is USUALLY well-mannered meaning he doesn’t fight with other dogs despite their breed (on leash he has a major problem with doodle breeds, which has been great since non-shedding dogs have been ALL THE RAGE for the last few years). I digress.

We enter the bar section, which is indoor, and I let Greg off his leash. Basically, from that moment onward he creates complete chaos. He starts by basically spinning out once he’s off leash. The floors were concrete with a finish so a tad slippery for dogs and as soon as he heard his leash being unclipped, he tried to sprint away towards all the other dogs as fast as he possibly could. Pete and I looked at each other and immediately headed to the bar for a drink. While waiting for our drink, we could see Greg psychotically running around the dog park, up to other dogs, peeing on numerous items including the leg of a chair SOMEONE WAS SITTING IN. We really didn’t know what to do. Technically, he wasn’t doing anything WRONG he was just causing a ruckus. We decided the best move was to pretend he wasn’t our dog. This was working out well until he pooped and I had to pick it up. We were outed.

After 20 minutes or so, he mellowed out a little but began pestering one dog in particular. He wants this dog, another GSD breed, to chase him but this dog really doesn’t want to and finds him annoying and is exhibiting all the signs dogs exhibit when they are annoyed. Growling, raising his hair up, etc. Greg doesn’t care. He wants him to chase him and continues to pester. The dog park has a “ranger” whose job is walk around with a water bottle full of rocks and shake it when the dogs start to fight or become aggressive with each other. Before long, I hear the bottle shaking noise and I know it must be Greg. Sure enough, it was, but since he wasn’t the one being aggressive he isn’t in any trouble! Long story short, Greg caused the other dog to have to go on a “five-minute leash break” and eventually the dog and his peeps just left all together. Ugh.

By now, Pete and I realized what we thought would be fun and relaxing was not either of those things. We had to finish our drink STAT and get out of there. We tried to drink fast but it wasn’t fast enough. Greg had found his next “friend” in an adorable Border Collie who he decided he had a crush on. SO EMBARSSING WHOSE CHILD IS THAT?! This poor dog just kept trying to run away, for good reason. As we were leaving, we met his person who was really cool and didn’t seem to be upset that our dog was trying to sexually assault his dog. I don’t think we will be back at PG&J’s anytime (ever again) soon. Now you know why there are no photos from this experience! However, the concept is really cool, was super clean and well maintained with lots of room for dogs and people so if you have a normal dog and you’re in Louisville I would definitely visit this establishment!

After our 45 minutes of fun at the dog park, we headed back to the hotel to shower up. We spent the rest of the day walking around downtown getting snacks and drinks. We stopped by Garage Bar, Feast, La Bodeguita de Mima and Angel's Envy distillery. Highly recommend all of these joints but Angel's Envy was definitely the highlight. We did a super basic tasting but learned a ton and Angel's Envy is very tasty bourbon (coming someone who typically DOES NOT like bourbon straight). From Angel's Envy we headed to the waterfront to secure a firework watching location. Greg was allowed at the waterfront and could care less about fireworks which worked out great. After fireworks, we headed back to The Moxy to relax before heading home to Nashville the next morning.

The next morning, we checked out and walked all along the river front. I couldn’t get over how much Louisville had changed (for the better) since I’d been there last and I truly cannot wait to go back and visit. Next time we visit Louisville, we plan to much more proactive about making tasting/tour reservations at the downtown bourbon distilleries.

I was starting to get majorly depressed about having to resume normal life the next day so we decided to delay that feeling just slightly by stop at Mammoth Cave National Park on our way home. Kudos to Pedro for finding this park for us! Had no idea such a cool spot was so close to home. This park is home to the longest cave system known in the world. Uh, cool! We learned many cool facts along our walk through the park which you can also find here if you’re interested: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mammoth_Cave_National_Park

We didn’t go into Mammoth Cave itself because we had Greg with us but we did see some of the smaller caves which had bats hibernating in them right now! When we were there, the temperature outside with in the low 80 range but the temperature in the cave was in the high 50 range! When we walked by the entrance to Mammoth Cave it kept like standing in front of an open refrigerator door. So wild and a great way to take a break mid-hike and cool down. We have plans to head back to this park, sans dog, so we can really explore the caves more.

From here, we headed back to Nash-Vegas which was only an hour and a half drive. It was weird driving towards the city and seeing the Nashville skyline. Since we had absolutely no food at our house and we were not about to grocery shop our first hour back in town, we stopped at our favorite dive in our neighborhood for a late lunch/early dinner. Suddenly, it kind of felt like we never left!

I’ll wrap this thing up with a few of our trip highlights and lowlights for the last post. This has been the most asked question from friends/family since we returned!

[sian22redux]

He followed me home

Title:  He Followed Me Home

Pairing:  Chris Evans/Reader

Rating:  T for tooth rotting fluff!

Setup:  Ok..so in a rash moment of weakness I bet @theycallmebecca that my beloved Cleveland Indians could best her Boston Red Sox in the latest series.   Whoever won got a drabble.   It was close and an awesome game but unfortunately an L for Cleveland.   So here is her choice:  Chris and Reader adopt a puppy and have to decide on its name:  from the Patriots. Bosox or Disney.   Aannd because I can never write short it’s more of a fic.    Enjoy! 

Summary:

The whole world gets involved when you and your new boyfriend, Chris Evans, adopt a friend for Dodger but then can’t settle on a name.  

Thanks so much to  @mypatronusismrpricklepants   and  @arizonapoppy for their awesome help. 

 Chapter 1:  Surprise, March 2018

“He followed me home…”

As defenses for impromptu madness go, it’s a little bit predictable.   You’re standing, sheepish and flustered, with an armload of wriggling, wagging tricolor fluff while your boyfriend Chris leans against the front hall closet door.  

His arms are folded across his chest.  His deep ocean eyes are bleary and amused at once.  It is technically his Laurel Canyon home, although your socks and books and curling iron moved in two months ago.  Long enough to feel a bit like they belong, but not long enough to be certain if you’ve erred.  

“Oh really.”  The sound of Boston twangs as one skeptical eyebrow raises.  

It was just the first thing that popped into your head.  Chris pauses to take in the mammoth paws, the blunt short snout and drawls, “So SuperPuppy jogs a cool tens k’s?”    

“Maybe,” you squeak.  It’s not easy to shuffle one’s feet while juggling a possible hot potato in canine form.  

Chris laughs and shakes his head as much at the sound as the ridiculousness of it all.  

On the scale of crazy spur-of-the-moment things you’ve done this falls somewhere between late night skinny dipping in his mother’s pool (scary but fun) and filling La Jolla High’s atrium with foam (fun until you all were caught).  

You sincerely hope this is closer to the first.  

“Y/N, you are so full of shit.”    

Behind you the door is still ajar—open to the bright spring day that lies lazily golden and blue under California sun.   It’s ten o’clock and only seventy degrees.  Dry with just enough heat to remind you summer will be soon, just enough breeze to lift the sweet scent of  Sierra Salvia blooming beside the walk.

Perfect weather for a mid-morning jog  (or a mid-morning nap if one is desperately jet-lagged two days after crossing eight time zones from damp and windy London).    

Chris yawns and rubs at his eyes.   His hair is mussed; his t-shirt’s askew and you can tell from the creases on his cheek that he’s been crashed on the man-eating white leather couch.  Probably with Dodger on his chest.  

While you’ve been out burning off the prickling excitement of reunion after two weeks apart, the pair of them, inseparable since the moment Chris walked through the door, have been busy catching zzz’s.  

You smile wanly at the dark smudges under those dark and ridiculously heavy lashes.  

He so needs it.  The press for Red Sea Diving has been brutal tacked onto Avengers 4.

“Dodger missed you while you were away,” you offer by way of explanation.  

This is true, but not perhaps entirely the whole point.   The pair of you had talked about the problem just the night before.  How Dodger pined terribly for Chris while he was in South Africa.  How you two had whispered the word ‘airport’ but still Dodger had gone crazy when he saw the latest suitcase coming out.  That it might be a good idea to get him another friend; a constant pal when he has to shuttle between L.A. and Massachusetts; crashing for months at time with Chris’s sister’s kids.  

At least the heavens had aligned for the latest trip.  You’d dog sat and watched the house, spoiled him with lots of love, but still Dodger moped, ignored his ratty favorite blanket and had to be coaxed to eat.   Change was hard for animals.  

But even so, this follow through might be just a teensy bit premature.    

How do you explain?  You’d finished breakfast, thought it a good idea to give the two best buds space to chill and took yourself off for a longer run.   Turned right instead of left along Mulholland and wound up outside Ace of Hearts with its ‘Dog of the day” sign plastered on the window.   So cute, and so in need.  

You’d given in, asked to see their featured rescue and wound up outside puppy’s cage, getting a hopeful shy wag and your fingers licked through the metal bars.

How could you resist?  Puppy looked small and alone and so very sweet.

Isn’t this supposed to be one of the things Chris loves about you?? That you are ridiculously spontaneous while he struggles not to overthink every little thing?

“I didn’t plan it,” you admit.  “It just kind of happened.”   Chris’s eyebrows rise even higher.  

“Y/N.”

You lick your lips nervously and try again.   “I…” you start but don’t get a chance to explain because fifteen pounds of black and white and brown fluffball wriggles harder in your arms. You’re standing in runners and shades, long brown hair pulled up under a sweaty baseball cap.   At your feet are two shopping bags from Village Pet and in the waistband of your jogging shorts are the rumpled adoption papers

Dodger, that pure soul of joyousness, is not helping things. He’s excitedly jumping up on his hind legs, pawing and yipping, trying to get closer to the pup.    The little guy whimpers mournfully.   You lift your shoulders, struggling to hold him a little higher, crooning softly to reassure.  The smells and sounds are new.  There’s a strange dog who is trying to say hi and a big, broad, bearded man who is leaning over to inspect him.  

It’s overwhelming and a bit startling to go straight from a 2x4 metal cage to an open expanse of cool and white.    

And Dodger’s idea of friendly can sometimes be a little much  

“Come on pal, leave off.”   Chris grabs at the red collar in tawny fur, pulls the mutt back, clamps his knees around the wriggling and whining, overly enthusiastic host.  The ghost of a beginning grin on his handsome face fades quickly to a frown of concern.  

Puppy is still scared.  He’s shivering silently in fear, trying to hide himself underneath your chin.  

You can almost hear Chris Evan’s enormous heart melting on the spot.    

“Hey, it’s ok… don’t be afraid,” he says, softly, hunching his huge shoulders down to make himself a little less imposing.  “Don’t mind this big, crazy lug.”   A free hand that knows something about anxiety reaches out to stroke the black wavy fur, caressing it slowly, in time to slow easy breaths, resting gently against the little warm body until the shivers ease.  

Chris, thrilled at his feat, smiles wide and looks up underneath your brim.    “Boy or girl?”  

“Boy.  He’s a Bernerdoodle...” you say as if this explains everything.  

“A what?” Chris is chuckling, quieter than usual so as not to startle the poof of dark wavy fur.    He snickers, clutching lightly at his pec, imitating Ned Flanders nasal accent perfectly.    "Homer, I can see your doodle…"    

“Chris!”  

You roll your eyes elaborately, thinking not for the first time that omg this man is such a kid. Yes doodle is slang for penis.  It is also a recognized crossbreed.  

You shake your head and very very carefully shove him with your hip.   “Shuddup.  A Bernerdoodle is a Bernese Mountain Dog and Poodle cross.  You shouldn’t tease the little guy.  He’s had a really rocky start.  Was just busted out of a puppy mill.  He’s the last of his litter. No one wanted him because his markings aren’t symmetrical.

They aren’t.  Puppy has two white paws, one fore, one aft; a white blaze on his chest and a white stripe down his nose.  His eyebrows are tan, as is half his muzzle.  Quirky and utterly adorable.    You give him a gentle hug and a small pink tongue licks at the bottom of your chin.

Chris leans close and wrinkles up his nose as he too, gets a lick.   “Awww.  Sorry dude.”  

You shift the warm furry load at your hip.  A moth flutters past and Chris looks up, startled, realizing belatedly you are still standing in front of the open door.  

“Whatever he is, he’s a cutie that’s for sure.  Bring him in.”    

He lets Dodger go and swings the white oak door shut, picks up the shopping bags while you walk over to the couch, balancing the awkward bundle of big paws and floppy ears and tail.  So much for cardio, it is suddenly resistance day.  

You lower yourself gingerly to the deep expanse of butter-soft, not-claw-proof leather as Chris slides across, dropping the bags to one side. The space is light and bright and so relaxing:  white walls and furniture, low rough wood tables and dark grey carpet. A haven from the bustle and noise of life.  

“You, too.  Sit,” Chris says, pointing a finger until Dodger finally masters his inner zen to settle down beside your knee.  The older dog is upright, tongue lolling and one ear cocked.  A picture of controlled enthusiasm.  His amber eyes keep flicking from puppy back to Chris.  

Puppy nestles into your lap and makes himself at home, sniffing at the air and taking in members of a new pack.  You are clearly alpha female, chief cuddler and source of safety.   Chris is the alpha male:  one pat and the little guy rolls over to show his belly for a rub.  

Chris obliges; bends down to tickle warm pink spotted skin and gets licked excitedly on his chin for his efforts.    “Ow.”  he announces, laughing and holding a hand across his nose

The white milk teeth are sharp.  And curious. “Watch it little fella.

You smile because obviously Puppy’s starting to feel a little braver now but the sight of him mouthing earnestly on Chris’s offered fingers makes you wonder:  how does one keep a puppy from chewing up the furniture? You hadn’t thought beyond getting him safely home.   The expensive designer to-the-trade originals do already have a few puncture holes--Dodger is rambunctious but he wasn’t a baby when he came home.  It’s been years since you had a pet.  Your old dog, a white heinz 57 collie-samoyed mix with the honest-to-goodness name of Buck passed away your second year of college. He lived to be seventeen.  You can’t even remember what it was like to break in a puppy but there must be somebody around to give you tips.  

“We need to set some water out for him and the new wee pads.” you note.  He has been so good.  Didn’t piddle once on the Uber ride home, or even when he was scared.    

Chris nods, unerringly reaching to scratch behind soft and silky ears. Puppy cocks his head and whines. “Check.  In a sec.  Does he have a name?”  

“No,” you admit. “The breeder had shitty records.  At Ace they called him by his number.  They think he’s about ten weeks old, just enough to be separated from his dam.  I bought some food and stuff.” you add, waving in the general direction of the bags. There’s a blue collar to match Dodger’s and a new leash,  a comb,  smaller steel bowls.  Hopefully they show you weren’t completely off your head, totally mesmerized by dark liquid eyes and a cute as a button nose.  

You blush, remembering the excitement of signing for him, holding him for the first time:  all pink toe beans and soft silky fur and new puppy smell.  Pure heaven.  And the right thing to do, give a home to a poor little abandoned soul in need of loving.  

(No ticking clocks, here.  Nope.   None at all.)

Puppy whines and sits straight up.  Coughs once.  Then twice. It’s a huffing, wheezy sort of hack that shakes the little dark body shake from pink nose to white tail tip.    

Chris looks over at you alarmed.  “Is he ok?”    

This time it’s you that melts a little.  Chris worries.  Always. Empathy, wrapped in caring, wrapped in genuine unselfishness.  

“He will be,” you explain, biting nervously at your lip. “Just needs a little time.  He’s a rescue from a puppy mill.  The whole litter had pneumonia and he almost didn’t make it.”

“Oh fuck.”  Chris’s growl is quiet but you know he feels about animal abuse the way you do. Enraged.  

You pull the adoption papers out and pass them over.   Chris scans them, turning them over and checking the certificate from the shelter and its vet.  All is in order.  Case # A201206 has been dewormed.  Had all shots.  Weeks of Baytril for infection and supplements.   Has been off his feed because of illness.  Is paper trained.

“He’s done his shots and antibiotics, but needs a special diet ‘til he’s all better.”

Chris is nodding, taking it all in, trading the pages back to you for a now braver little guy.  You reach down to pull a water bowl and a new blanket and Kong toy out of the first paper bag.

Puppy sits on the soft grey flannel of Chris’s sweat pants and leans against his chest, raising up one enormous paw to ask for attention.    Chris catches it in his own equally enormous hand and lets his blue gaze slide to the rubber chew toy that is easily twice as big as your fist.  

“How big is he gonna get?”

You flush.  This is the tricky part.   “Ummm, the lady said they don’t think he’ll get much bigger than seventy pounds.”

“Seventy pounds?!”

Incredulous, Chris looks down at Dodger obediently flopped on the floor and back up to the pup.  Dodger is lean and wiry, all muscle and energy; straight flat fur.  Puppy is a small mountain of dark wavy coat, paws not quite like dinner plates.  Hefty and solid.  He’s sitting placidly, taking up a good half of Chris’s lap at less than three months old.  

“Dodger’s only thirty pounds,” he frowns.

“I know,” you nod, “but his father was the Bernese. They’re more than a hundred.”  

Chris chokes.  “Jesuz, Y/N, that’s a pony not a dog!”    

You hold your breath.   This is a gamble.  Chris is obviously a bit thrown by how big the pup will grow.  You can see the doubt begin to whirl like a cyclone in his head. “I don’t know…”  

You slide closer, up underneath the long, ridiculously muscled arm laid along the couch’s back,  reach out to stroke lovingly at his cheek.  A big dog is a big commitment, but from everything you know it fits with his big, golden heart.   “Chris, I feel like this meant to be.  You’ve said yourself that if you were an animal you’d be a St. Bernard.  He’s like your kindred spirit.  Bernese are also big and loyal and loving.  They adore kids.  But they get a little anxious in new and different settings.”      

“So you’re just like me, hunh?”  he says, a little skeptically, lifting the little guy with a firm grip around the middle. “Seventy pounds.   I’d be doing curls with you…”    

Puppy, oblivious to the moment, tries to gnaw on his largest knuckle.  

Doubt starts to curl low below your heart.  

Usually if Chris is into something new, your bouncy, exuberant Labrador of a boyfriend will be all over it.  Keen on it right away.  This time there’s an unsettled crease of worry between his brows and Chris is frowning.   Perhaps you hadn’t thought this through? This a puppy and a larger dog.   Perhaps you hadn’t considered how much more work one seems.  There’s a press tour to do for Avengers 3 and 4. US press for Red Sea Diving.  Possibly another Broadway run.  There’s a lot on Chris’s plate in the coming year but you’d just felt so bad for Dodger missing his big guy while he was half a world away.  

And, if you had to be honest with yourself, you admit a needy pup would keep you little more occupied too.   Your job, back-of-house production, keeps you mostly in L.A, tied down and unable to go on tour.  It’s out of the Press’s eye which has its good and bad at once.   As far as much of the world knows you don’t exist.  You’re a name on the end credits.  Known as a studio employee, someone no one bats an eyelid to see Chris with.  A colleague. No biggie.

For the first months of your relationship it was actually kind of great.  Chris, beyond tired with the relentless attention messing with romances, treated it like a game.  You can go out and no prying idiots think you’re his date.  No one’s calling you a bitch on Twitter.  No one’s staking out your house.    Above the table top you are talking about scheduling and below his toes are running up  your calf. Hidden. Secret.  Just for you two. It’s a thrill and nervous making all at once.

You’re happy to have found the one awesome, caring, gorgeous guy in Hollywood who doesn’t brush his hair more often than you do.  Doesn’t tell you to keep out of his better side. Who isn’t jealous and gets your irregular, have-to-stay-at-the-last-minute schedule. Who shares your manic love of baseball and the Pats.

But you’re a little unsure of where this is going.  Sure he asked you to move in, but both of his best friends have been missing Chris so much.  The frequent long distance trips make it hard.  Each time you are together it is as if you are on vacation: a treat, easy and relaxed but it’s also always reset mode.   Constantly catching up.  Two steps forward and one back.   Texting every day is great but it’s hard to properly communicate.   Case in point:  today, when you made a snap decision without discussing first, without thinking that he’s about to go on tour for weeks.

“Sorry….” you admit in a tiny, plaintive voice.   “We do have a week to take him back,” You start to pull away, thinking you’ve overstepped the line.  

“Hey…hey, no it’s ok.”  Chris grabs your hand to pull you closer. Plants a kiss on the top of your sun-faded Bosox cap.  He sighs. “This was a really good idea.  I might be crazy but I’ll make an appointment tomorrow for him to see Dr. Beltran.”

“Really?”  You sit straight up.  Dr. Beltran is Dodger’s veterinarian.  He experienced and no-nonsense.  A pro. You’ve met him once, taking Dodger in for heart-worm meds

“He can stay?  You’re not mad at me?”

“Of course I’m not mad, Y/N.”  Chris’s spare hand reaches down to play, as it always does at home, with your long ponytail. Relaxed.  Easy. Intimate.  It sends a shiver down your spine.  

“How can anyone resist this face?”  he says, tickling Puppy under the chin.  It’s true. The little guy’s face is the sweetest thing—a black nose with a pale dot in the middle, bright dark eyes and the most adorable pink tongue sticking out.  You’re lost, the both of you.  

Chris offers Puppy a thumb to chew and grins.  “I was just surprised.  Needed to think it through is all.  Next time you decide to add to our world, can you give a guy a little warning?”

“You seemed so tired and I didn’t want to wake you,” you start to explain,  but then suddenly his words sink in.

Our world.  

“What do you….?”  

You stop and take in the pure unfettered delight on Chris’s face. He knows he has surprised you.  ‘Our world’ means this is for keeps.  Serious. He wants you to be an official couple. It’s overwhelming, and unexpected.  Perhaps the constant roadblocks are wearing on him too.  

Your heart does a heavy flip, somersaulting with giddy happiness.  

Chris smiles, drops a gentle kiss to your lips, holds it until the pup begins to squirm.  

“Babe, this last tour, oh fuck, I missed you so so much. London’s great but I couldn’t wait to get back and be with you.  Knowing you and Dodge and this little guy are happy and at home, here,—that will mean the world.”    

You pull away but not too far, lay your head down upon his shoulder, so choked up you don’t know what to say.  Going public seems like a giant step.  Your bosses, the Russo brothers, know about it, as do both families and close friends—but they’re sworn to secrecy.  Chris is gunshy of the media this time—how Jenny was treated really hurt and he wanted things to grow away from the harsh glare of publicity.

You take a deeper, unsteady breath.  This is truly what you want but can you make it work?  

Chris, as always in tune to you, gives you a soft quick hug and elects to change the conversation.  He stretches, holding one big warm hand under puppy and the other up toward the ceiling.  “Man you were right about the tired though. Shit.  I am getting old.  The flights are getting harder.”  

“If you’re old, what does that make me?” you ask.  You are almost, not quite, two years ahead.  

“Ancient.”  

He ducks a tastefully neutral, well-used, toss cushion that flies past his head.  Dodger’s head pops up.  If pillows are flying and his human is stretching then a game of tag might be just ahead.  He gets to his feet, yips excitedly but instead of playtime he gets wobbly curiosity.  Chris sets the puppy on the floor.  The little guy promptly lunges for a shoe, trips over his own feet and tumbles snout-first into deep grey pile.

You all laugh.  Puppy looks up at the sound and you could swear he grins.  This new development is surprising but not scary.  He sneezes, rights himself again, sits down with a blink and barks.  

“Woof!”   It is a surprisingly deep sounding voice.  

“Ho boy, has he got a set of lungs.”  Chris is laughing.  Puppy seems very pleased with himself.   A few minutes cautious exploration brings him over to the wide back windows.  Outside the morning is clouding over.  It will keep the heat from climbing and for a miracle it might just rain.  Puppy wags his tail and barks at a passing bird.  Dodger stands sentinel behind, tail waving slowly, resident expert at communing placidly with the neighbourhood.  

Pup looks to him and back.  “Boof!”   Nope, the new kid on the block isn’t going to get a rise out of Dodger.   Birds and bees and butterflies are people, too.

They seem fine to let be left alone for a just minute, so you rise and set about getting organized.   A second dish of water goes beside Dodger’s in the kitchen.  Pad are laid beside the back door.  The new blanket is draped beside Dodger’s wicker basket.  You set the ingredients for puppy lunch on the countertop and pull the rudiments of a sandwich from the bursting fridge

From the couch you can hear Chris’s stomach grumble loudly.   He may be exhausted but his stomach thinks it’s almost time for English Tea.    

“Come on, you never ate,” you say, pulling him up and guiding him over to the kitchen.  “Lets get the little guy’s space all set.  He’ll need to eat soon and then go out.  We can play with him outside and then it will be time for a nap.”  

Over by the windows Dodger has brought puppy a bedraggled, one-eared teddy he uses for a friend.   They play tug of war, shaking their heads and mock growling at each other, the pup repeatedly losing his grip but bouncing forward to catch a leg again.    It’s hilarious and sweet.  Big brother playing with the little guy,  but just when you think they’ll start another round the little guy plonks down on his butt, opens his jaws wide and yawns.  And coughs.  

“Hey…”  

He’s scooped up into Chris’s big strong arms and nestled against that wide, sleep-inducing chest.   A whine turns into another mighty yawn, the baby is getting tired.   It’s been a busy day and he isn’t quite over his sickness yet.  

You wrap your arms around them both and Chris drops a kiss onto your head.  He smells like spice and soap and Dodger and the warm-cinnamon-bun perfection of new puppy smell.   Intoxicating.

As you brush your fingers lazily across his back he grins, folds you under his shoulder where you fit the best.  There’s a twinkle in his eye.  One you’ve missed for two whole weeks.

“How long does a puppy sleep?”

[backstage-bucknell]

Tuckasegee

by Mark Hutchinson

In the summer of 1989 I took a job as a warden in the Smokey Mountains on the Tuckasegee river in North Carolina. My junior year of college left me needing to evaluate what I was doing in this world-- how would I be helpful moving forward. December 1988 Pan Am Flight 103 was blown out of the sky over Lockerbie, Scotland by a terrorist bomb. All 259 people onboard were killed—35 of the passengers were returning to Syracuse University from their semester studying abroad, 5 of those students were classmates in the Theatre department and my friends. It turned everything on it’s side—breathing became more difficult——long cold walks at night down empty Syracuse streets filled something and calmed the feelings of loss because I felt connected to those gone–spirits passing overhead and through my body. It was when I felt connected to the whole.

So I took this job in the mountains as a warden on private land where the owners would come up on nice weekends to vacation and I would look after everything during the week. If weather was bad I might go two weeks without seeing anyone. I had a boombox that I could play tapes because there were no radio stations, I had a Mac 512—I had bought it off my brother when he had upgraded and I thought I would write a play—yeah—I think I wrote some scenes but never had the concentration to finish a play. I’d write then read- hate it- erase it and then start again. I read books -On Directing–The Empty Space—Tolkien –The Hobbit through to The Silmarillion— Watership Down and lots of books about dragons. I walked upstream and downstream once or twice a day –supposedly looking for people poaching the stream that the family stocked but only met a few people getting some sun down at Paradise Falls.

Meeting people was always shocking because I was so used to being alone. I would need to ask them why they were there and explain it was private property but I never thought people would take this young college student seriously. It was the worst part of the job.

The Chair

Sharing my thoughts visually took the form of taking this chair on my walks. I didn’t want to take picture of myself, I wasn’t a sightseer travelling to Europe—I was offering a chair that anyone could sit in and take in these sights. There is nature and then there is me in nature and you in nature. The one below is definitely inspired by Robert Frost and choosing between the two paths in the woods. I was making the choice everyday to get up and explore, to try and figure things out.

Skoshi

I wasn’t completely alone—a friend of the family left their dog with me for the summer as they were travelling and needed someone to watch her. Skoshi was smart, she was a border collie that would catch every Frisbee I threw, if my throw was half way decent.  I’d let her start running across the field and then send the disk calling out so she’d look back and see which side to turn her head to catch the Frisbee while running at full speed. It challenged both of us and we’d practice most sunny days. 

That’s Skoshi with me -we’d stay in the tent when all the family came up and the cabin was full.

Risk

 When the water was high on the weekend, we’d all skinny-dip—running up to a bridge and leaping 12’ into the stream which had become a river from the rains. Into the frigid water and pulling out downstream to race back up and do it again. It was a family tradition that had happened as long as when the bridge had existed—there was laughter, scares, excitement—watching out for other-- helping pull them towards shore. It felt good to be alive—to be challenged, to have companionship. 

The weekends would race by and then alone again—alone with Skoshi—I would clear fallen trees off the trail with a chainsaw and Skoshi would run ahead on the trail and sit waiting while I worked –As soon as I turned off the saw she would run back and make sure I was OK and then off on the trail again. I was always careful when alone—I would think about what rough time I’d have if I was careless with the chainsaw or broke a leg on a trail or stepped to near a copperhead that was sunning itself (this happened to my sister on one of her hikes). I thought about how we don’t know when our time will end and that it takes care and luck to survive. 

I took this job to think about people I’d lost and it turned out the house had its own stories of loss. The family that hired me had started with 6 brothers and 2 sisters but one summer when they’d come up when the water was running extremely high the kids raced to the nearest swimming hole where one of the identical twin brothers dove in and never came back up. I don’t know if he hit his head or got sucked under a log but he was gone and they didn’t find his body until much later. The house would always be a reminder of this lost brother but it was just one story and there were so many others stories about wild adventures at Tuckasegee. Racing horses down old logging roads, deck tennis rivalries that lasted years, meals cooked and shared, children growing up together away from society. The sadness of the loss didn’t overshadow all the happy moments. It was part of the whole, most of the memories of this place were filled with joy and love. All our lives are filled with joys and sorrows. I accept the sorrow, I understand it’s part of journey but I try not to get stuck in it. In this life I will work at leaning into the joy.

Today-- I act carefully—I think about risk—but I also live with laughter and challenges. I realized that summer that I’d rather live within a community than alone and although isolated feels like a natural part of the whole it’s not where I want to spend the majority of my life. This coronavirus reminds me of that time alone—it reminds me of friends whose lives were cut short—it reminds me to be careful when the danger is close but also to live a full life and enjoy adventures with my companions.

[docayin-blog]

How to Make the Most of a Guided Western Hunt

The muley buck was staring directly at me. His tall, dark antlers stood out against the backdrop of sage grass and showcased four nearly-symmetrical tines on each side. He turned his head and revealed a small droptine falling from his right antler. The crosshairs of my scope wavered over his vitals, and my finger lightly touched the trigger. One gentle squeeze would transform him from present to past.

But my instincts said no. The buck stood 150 yards away, and a prone shooting position offered me a rock-solid rest. He would make a fine trophy and provide a freezer full of meat, but that didn’t stop my gut from saying “don’t pull the trigger.”

“Take him when you’re ready,” Clint, my guide, whispered.

“I’m going to pass on this one,” I said. My cheek still resting on the stock, eyes glued to the buck. “I didn’t work hard enough for him.”

Passing Shots

It was November, prime time to be chasing muley bucks over the rolling plains and through the dense forests of Colorado. A musky scent hung in the air as big-bodied bucks ignored all of their innate instincts for self-preservation to focus on breeding. The rut was in full force, leaving no shortage of tall-tined antler sightings.

Clint’s confusion was obvious and understandable. Weren’t we trying to kill a big buck?

Yes, we were. But we had spotted this brute from the road. No hiking had been required, and the stalk consisted of a 40-yard crawl. As my rifle hung over his vitals, it crossed my mind that this buck deserved more respect than that.

This wasn’t the first time I had passed on a respectable animal during a guided hunt—and probably won’t be my last. A black bruin roaming a dirt road in British Columbia would walk away unscathed; a trophy free-range axis deer made his way silently into thick cover, never to be seen again; a Wyoming antelope followed his does into the glare of a setting sun. And over the next week in Colorado, two more mule deer bucks would live to see another day.

Hunting camera

Make It Yours

Great opportunities can come from hunting with outfitters. It gives those of us passionate about the game we pursue better odds to walk away with a freezer full of meat and a trophy to hang on the wall. Access to private land and expert individuals who are familiar with the terrain is an advantage in the sport. But their main concern is to help you get an animal on the ground.

A trek West to experience these thrills may be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Don’t waste it. Make it your hunt, one that will leave you with memories to tell around the campfire for years to come. Here are a few ways to turn your dream hunt into a great adventure.

“Let’s Hike!”

Trucks and utility vehicles are useful tools. When you have hundreds of acres to cover, they make getting from point A to point B easier and give you a greater opportunity of seeing more game. But they also eliminate a large part of the hunt experience.

On multiple occasions, instead of intently scanning for game, I was lolled to slumber by the hum of the engine. In one instance, after three hours of driving switchback roads through the mountains of British Columbia with my guide Gary, my eyes had glazed over and I stared absent-mindedly out the window. When we finally spotted a mature boar shuffling down the middle of the road, I respectfully passed. Half-asleep with no miles logged was not how I wanted my once-in-a-lifetime British Columbia hunt to end. I wanted to feel the burn in my legs, sweat down my back, and straps of a pack filled with meat and hide cutting into my shoulders.

Instead, I politely asked to spot and stalk. Gary’s eyes lit up. He was more than happy to oblige. He was an avid sheep hunter, and spot-and-stalk hunting was his preference. He just didn’t know it was mine as well.

For the next three days we drove to different locations, leaving the truck behind and trudging into the forest, hiking multiple miles a day, experiencing the rough terrain of British Columbia. A simple request allowed me to crawl within 30 yards of a sow, watch cubs climb trees in the backcountry, and take aim at a big boar that had stormed out of the woods in response to our animal distress call.

Let your guides know how you prefer to hunt. If you’re a spot-and-stalk hunter, speak up. If you prefer a blind, let them know. Outfitters want most of all to ensure you experience the hunt of a lifetime—but they can’t read your mind.

Work Together

Three of us knelt atop a sandy, cactus-strewn hill, glassing the expansive Wyoming landscape for specs of white, hoping to spot wary antelope from afar.

“Isn’t that a lone buck lying in the middle of that field?” my friend and hunting partner Natalie asked. Willie, our guide, and I turned to look in the direction she had indicated. Sure enough, the black horns of the goat were undeniable. The cold October wind stung our faces as we huddled to discuss a game plan. Together, we threw out ideas on how best to make our way undetected to the buck. Working as a team, our hunt ended in a four-mile stalk, 200-yard belly crawl, a buck in my freezer, and a sense of fulfillment that I had helped call the shots on my hunt.

There were times when being guided that I felt detached from the hunt, as if I were following behind someone else who was hunting and I was there just to pull the trigger. My guides weren’t sharing their tactics and had not asked what I would do in certain situations.

Being included in all aspects of the hunt makes the chase more memorable. Don’t play follow the leader and keep your head down. Your guides are there to “guide” you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be involved in the game plan. Ask them to explain their maneuvers and why they are doing things in certain ways. Share your opinions on the best route for a stealthy approach or ask to blow a bugle or yelp softly to a turkey.

Work as partners, and when you get an animal on the ground, it will be that much more rewarding.

If You Like It, Shoot It

The mule deer buck caught me by surprise. His head took up the entire view of my binos.

I wanted her to experience an exciting hunt, so I had opted to move around for a bit. As we stalked through a secluded pasture, we found ourselves distracted by a curious Border collie who decided to say hello. After a few minutes of petting, he scampered away. I went back to glassing and discovered the buck had snuck in on us undetected.

“Look slowly to your right,” I whispered. When Ashley didn’t reply, I moved my eyes from the binos to look at her. She was frantically searching to her left. “Your other right,” I whispered, trying hard not to laugh.

She spotted the buck, and her breathing quickened. He stood no more than 40 yards away, looking directly at us. He was no 170-inch mule deer. But he made Ashley’s heart race, and that’s all that mattered.

The Border collie I thought had spoiled our hunt was actually its savior. The buck turned from us to watch the dog trot down the road. It was enough time for me to get Ashley settled on shooting sticks. After she took the shot, the buck ran 10 yards before toppling over. Our whoops of excitement could have been heard in the next county.

For Ashley’s first big-game animal, the size of the buck wasn’t as important as the experience, the effort, and the camaraderie. The same can apply to your hunt. If size isn’t everything, let your guide know. If a 120-inch, eight-point whitetail walks out of the woods and gets your heart pumping, let loose an arrow. It’s your hunt, and any animal is a trophy if you work hard for it.

Dream it, do it

The musty stench of rutting deer hit my nostrils before I found him—his body lay camouflaged among the sage brush. Kneeling, I grasped the thick antlers and admired the old muley’s rack. Deep forks adorned his right beam, while his front left fork resembled a crab claw. He wasn’t symmetrical, but that didn’t matter.

After passing on the first mule deer, much to Clint’s disdain, the rest of our hunt together had been filled with miles of Colorado terrain hiked, two blown stalks, one surge of adrenaline while waiting on a big buck to walk out of a coulee for a broadside shot (he never did), and this belly crawl to within 120 yards of—now—my buck. He was hard-earned, and that was all that mattered to me.

We all hunger for adventure in the backcountry. Chasing bugling elk among the aspens in the San Juan NationalForest, glassing for black bears atop a rugged outcropping in the Frank Church– River of No Return Wilderness, or seeing a whitetail’s rack silhouetted against a golden sunset in the Nebraska Sandhills are experiences to be savored. Speak up, be involved, work for it. Make it yours, and you will be guaranteed the hunt of a lifetime.

[elainabrooke]

PUPPERS ARE LIFE, BITCH.

So, I don’t know if this is actually a thing, but I’m definitely making it a thing.

I’m showing off my pupper, because she’s fucking amazing and SHE DESERVES TO BE SHOWN OFF, OK.

So, long story bro.

My mom and I are completely and utterly obsessed with pups. Like, to a really dangerous extent. Every stray dog we find, we bring home. It’s bad. Right now we’re at a solid five dogs, but whew, that’s subject to change at any moment, quite frankly. Also, yes, I still live at home because I am nineteen and attending a nearby college so it’s cheaper to live at home rather than in a dorm or apartment. No, I’m not a forty year old man who lives in his parent’s basement and dropped out of college to focus on WoW. 

Anywho. 

Because of my mother and I’s wild obsession, she frequently visited this pretty rough pound up in a smaller and less populated city. It’s a little ghetto --- okay, pretty fucking ghetto. The pound is beside a prison and all of the employees and prisoners serving community service, and while I think that’s great and all, it’s clear that some of the prisoners didn’t treat the puppers well. The place was overcrowded, a bunch of dogs had to sleep outside, even in the cold and rain. They’d be tied to trees and sleeping on cement. It fucking sickened me.

We went another day later on in the week, and half of the dogs we remembered seeing were gone. We asked the manager, hey, yo, where the fuck are our sweet love muffins? His response? Oh, we euthanized them all. Twenty seven dogs KILLED for space. Why is this okay? Of course, I’m a baby, and immediately burst into tears. Yes, I do realize that I play three chaotic criminal characters, but I still cry at least twice a day. Let’s not mention the time I had to pull over on the side of the road because I started crying for killing a butterfly while driving. It smacked right into the windshield and fell to the ... nevermind, I’m actually starting to tear up. It was just so sweet and fluttery. Okay, seriously, moving on.

My mom and I were pretty livid at this place, the man seemed so nonchalant about the dogs being put down. No sympathy or nothing. He was one of those men where you could tell doesn’t have much passion for his job, he’s just in it for God knows what, but it’s definitely not the dogs. So, my mom and I started advertising fucking obnoxiously on our social media pages. Mostly Facebook, surprisingly I have a good bit of Facebook friends.

I know, right? Shocking.

Eventually, we got thirteen dogs to safe, loving homes via our advertising. Thirteen dogs saved, and I was pretty satisfied with that. This was while I was in high school still, so I’d walk around and try to convince a couple friends to take at least one dog in. My friend, Justin, agreed to get a dog. He scrolled through the list of pictures that showed all the different dogs, which was on the pound’s Facebook page. He picked out a really pretty black and white dog; she was a border collie blue heeler mix. He wasn’t able to come get her with me, so I went up there to get her without him.

(Here she is when I first got her.)

Once I’d got to the pound and the owner brought the dog out to me, I realized that she wasn’t friendly at all. She was actually a little aggressive. She growled, bared her teeth, didn’t want anything to do with me. And she seemed even more aggressive towards the owner. (Fuck the owner, by the way. He’s a dick and he hurt some of the puppers, so he can rot in hell.) So, I thought it’d be necessary to text my buddy Justin and warn him about her actions. He responded, fuck it, I still want her. So, the owner put her in my car and we headed off. She was shaking like crazy, trying to do the best she could to hide. She was terrified. I was doing everything I could to comfort her; at this point, I didn’t really give a damn if she bit me or something. I was petting her, assuring her that I wasn’t going to hurt her. I couldn’t think of what really to do, so I ended up sitting her in my lap and holding her. I was just thinking, what the fuck do dogs like? And, I rolled the window down. You could tell the dog had never done anything like that, she was pretty confused when I stuck her face out. But then, she immediately warmed up. She stopped shaking, her tongue was flapping out, and for the first time in probably forever, she was happy.

So, by the time I got to Justin, I didn’t want to leave this dog. You could tell she didn’t want to leave me either, we’d immediately connected. But, I promised him a dog, so I had to give her up. He took her in and I went back home.

The next day, Justin texted me and said he couldn’t keep her. His parents refused to let her stay, and she’d just been chillin’ in Justin’s basement. My parents said hell no to taking her in, because we already had five dogs at the time. At six, it’s not even a house anymore. It’s a god damn kennel. But I didn’t care, I needed this dog and I was NOT letting Justin take her back to the pound. So I told him to hold off, I’d see what I could do but I needed some time. I spent the next three days crying and begging my parents to let me take her in. Hard work, let me tell ya. Eventually, though, they agreed to let me take her in, under circumstances. Only until she found a new home. Yeah, yeah, whatever, fine. But even though I agreed, I knew damn well I wasn’t going to look for a new home for my dog, because she’d already found hers. 

She was extremely excited to see me when I picked her up. I was the only person she trusted, you could tell. When I brought her to my house, she was confused and scared shitless. She didn’t like the rest of my family members. She spent a week hiding under my bed, she would only come out when I was home. I couldn’t play WoW without her sitting in my lap, and going to school was rough. We had a fence in the backyard, and she would jump the fence and follow me to school. She definitely had a little separation anxiety, and still does, to this day. But I can say that I hate being separated from her, too. Not only did I save this dog, but I think she saved me, too. She’s been there with me through what feels like everything. She can tell when I’m sad or crying, and she comes up and snuggles right beside me and paws at me if I am. Those of you who know me a little better know that I’ve recently been struggling with a little bit of depression due to all of the changes in my life, but I can say that this dog, who is now Willow, is the one thing that brings me back within every single dark moment. Dogs are so much greater than they get credit for, honestly. She cants her head every time I’m talking to her, she so badly wants to understand. And there’s a lot of times she does understand, too. I taught her a lot. She knows the basic tricks --- sit, shake, lay, roll over. Which, might I add, I taught her in only a week. She’s incredibly smart. She also knows “squirrel”, and goes fucking bat-shit crazy when someone says it. She knows when she’s in trouble or when she’s getting a bath, she knows when she’s going to “great grandma’s house.” And she knows that when I yell, “COPS”, she has to take off running in the other direction.

She goes every single place I go; there are actually 30+ place that I found out were dog-friendly. Yeah, I get fucking looks from all the old people like, “what the fuck is this bitch doing”, but I could care less. Aside from the pet-friendly places, I did find that there are way more places that are not pet-friendly.

Well, me and Willow weren’t having that shit, so I virtually made her a service dog. I know I’ll probably get slander for this. There are real people who need them, don’t take advantage, blah, blah, blah. 

Okay, I need her with me, and she needs me to. We both have separation anxiety, and this dog deserves the world. She was abused, we later discovered. Every time I pick up a broom, a stick, or anything long of the sort, Willow cowers in fear. Whatever bastard hurt my baby previously can rot in fucking hell. She’ll always be skittish towards strangers, but she’s the greatest dog ever and she’s my motivation for everything I do. So slander me with your opinions, quite frankly, I don’t really care because me and Willow will be chillin’ at Jim n Nicks eatin’ cheese biscuits together regardless.

Anyways, this is just my long, obnoxious story of showing off my dog and telling everyone that you can save a dog’s life. Willow’s life went from complete hell to shopping trips with her mommy, lots of hiking trips, beach vacations, lots of ice-cream cones, birthday parties, a comfy bed to sleep in, and much more. 

This was Willow then:

Compared to NOW:

This is Willow now. 

Save a dog’s life. It’s totally worth it.

[fluffybuttsfamily-blog]

So, as some may have noticed, I’m having difficulty keeping Breed of the Week to Monday.  This is partially due to ongoing fatigue and partially due to the time requirements of the 4 kittens I’m currently bottle feeding, which adds to the fatigue.  For those reasons, at least for the time being, Breed of the Week won’t be on a certain day, just whatever day I can get to it during the week.  Now, on to the fun part!

This week we’re taking look at a heavyweight breed that can pull anywhere from 1,100-3,300 lbs, the Alaskan Malamute.  This is a breed that is definitely not for everyone.  They are not recommended for first-time or inexperienced dog owners as they can and often do try to take charge.  Owners need to be able to let them know who’s in charge and maintain firm boundaries.  These are also dogs bred specifically for strength and endurance.  They need a job and plenty of exercise, not just a jaunt around the block.

Unlike Siberian Huskies that were bred for speed and stamina, Alaskan Malamutes were bred for strength and stamina.  They were never meant for the sled dog races, though some still participate.  Instead, Alaskan Malamutes were bred to pull heavy freight weighing hundreds, perhaps thousands of pounds, filled with food and supplies to villages and camps across great frozen wildernesses.  They worked in teams of at least 4 dogs for heavy loads and pulled day after day and mile after mile.

Among the Mahlemut tribe and many other peoples in the frozen north, they were and still are highly prized not only for their pulling capability, but also for their ability to hunt alongside their handlers.  They aided hunters in finding blow holes in the ice from seals and were even used to hunt large predators like bears.

There is much controversy surrounding sled dog races and the use of sled dogs in general.  I am of the opinion, unpopular though it may be with certain parties, that with a proper handler who bonds with and cares for his or her dogs, sled dog racing and the use of sled dogs is not inhumane.  These dogs were bred for and even enjoy their jobs.  Most are not forced to pull or run and, for many, stopping is the real issue.  Without very much exercise, sled dogs become bored and destructive and can become escape artists in order to fulfill their need to run as many husky owners can attest.

As an example, at one point we owned a Border Collie (Mom brought him home not understanding his breed and that breed’s needs).  For a long time, he didn’t get enough exercise.  He started to become bored and engage in destructive behaviors like potting in the house.  He was also becoming aggressive.  After all, that excess energy had to go somewhere (though he had other issues, as well, that contributed to the aggression, but that’s another story).  The point is, like Alaskan Malamutes, Siberian Huskies, Alaskan Huskies, Samoyed, and other traditional sled dogs, he was a Border Collie bred to herd livestock for hours over long distances.  He needed a job to do and a lot more exercise than he was getting at the time.  A lot more exercise.  Why deny sled dogs their natural instinct and need to run and pull?  To me, it’s like owning a Border Collie, bred for work, and denying him a job or exercise (I did try to give him the exercise he needed, we all did, but I was unwell, my sister was unwell, my mom works full-time, and the whole family wasn’t in a good place to own a dog with those specific needs).  Isn’t denying them that instinctive enjoyment crueler than having them pull sleds or run in a race?

In any case, any practice involving an animal can be cruel, but that is dependant on the methods and choices of the handlers.  When proper care and humane methods are used, there is no reason these dogs, specifically bred for running and pulling, shouldn’t pull sleds or run dog sled races.

The Alaskan Malamute is an old breed thought to have been created by the Malamiut Inupiaq people around 1 thousand years ago, which predates modern breeds.  Alaskan Malamutes show a close genetic relationship with both the Siberian and Alaskan Huskies.  Although they were thought to be related to the Greenland Dog and the Canadian Eskimo Dog, it has since been proven they do not share close genetic markers with them, but instead are related to the Chukotka sled dogs of Siberia.

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Alaskan Husky

Siberian Husky

Greenland Dog

Canadian Eskimo Dog

Chukotka sled dog

Alaskan Malamutes have a high prey drive due to the way they were bred.  They needed that high prey drive to survive, and help their handlers survive, in the harsh frozen north.  Not all Alaskan Malamutes are suited to homes with smaller dogs, cats, or other small animals they might see as prey.  One’s best bet in getting an Alaskan Malamute that tolerates smaller pets is to socialize them well as a puppy and throughout adult life.  Let them grow up with smaller animals and correct them if they get too rough.  Another way is through a local shelter or rescue.  Many shelters and rescues temperament test dogs to see how they do around other dogs, big and small, and around cats and possibly other critters if asked.

These are very people-friendly dogs.  Everyone they meet is their friend.  For this reason, they do not do well as watchdogs except in the way an intruder may be scared off by their size.  They also don’t bark very much at all.  The sounds one might hear from an Alaskan Malamute is more often a “woo-wooing” sound or all out howling.  They’re active and outgoing and do best in homes with active people that will take them on adventures with them, whether that be running, hiking, biking, or dog sledding.

Their people-friendly nature also makes them highly sought after family dogs.  They’re careful around furniture and smaller objects, although they can get too excited and knock over a small child, and keep themselves meticulously clean in a very cat-like manner.

As an athletic breed, Alaskan Malamutes excel in weight pulling, skijoring, bikejoring, backpacking, mushing, carting, canicross, and agility, as well as more intellectual pursuits like conformation and obedience competitions.  Although some people see them as unintelligent or stubborn because of their independent nature, they are actually highly intelligent and resourceful when trained in a proper manner.  They’re often of the “what do I get out of it” mindset and become bored easily with repetitive tasks.  Training should, therefore, be fun, creative, reward-based, and done in short bursts in order to keep their attention from wandering.

Skijoring

Bikejoring

Canicross

Mushing

Bred to handle harsh, freezing environments, Alaskan Malamutes are quite happy to spend their time in the outdoors, even, or perhaps especially when it’s cold and snowy.  In areas where summer temperatures go above 70° Fahrenheit, Alaskan Malamutes should have 24/7 access to shade, drinking water, and a pool full of water for them to cool down in.  If they do not have 24/7 access to these things, they should be kept mostly indoors where the AC is on and they can then regulate their temperature.  Keep in mind, Alaskan Malamutes are diggers and fences should be erected accordingly.  Rather than trying to stop them from digging, as that is often a lesson in futility, it’s better to make a place where they are allowed to dig such as a dirt pile in the corner of the yard or a sand box.

Although Alaskan Malamutes are often mistaken for Siberian Huskies, there is a huge difference in size as shown below.  Hint:  the Alaskan Malamute is the bigger one 😋

Alaskan Malamutes have a thick double coat.  The outer coat, or guard coat, is short and coarse, while the dense but soft undercoat is 1-2 inches deep.  The under coat is often oily and has a wooly texture to repel wetness and insulate against the cold.  They shed heavily twice a year, but still she’d consistently throughout The year and should be brushed 2-3 times weekly to minimize the shedding of dead hair, prevent mats, and distribute skin oils.  The tail has a plume effect and can be shaped like cork screw at the end, which enables them to cover their nose with their tail to keep it warm.  Their nose is usually black, but can be what is known as a “snow nose” in which it is dark with a pink undertone and can change colors, getting lighter or darker, according to the seasons.  They are also equipped with “snowshoes,” that is, toes with webbing between them that allows them to walk closer to the top of the snow, thus making traveling in snow easier.

The coat colors are usually various shades of grey and white, sable and white, black and white, seal and white, red and white, or solid white.  They can have many different markings, such as, face markings, blazes, a splash at the nape of the neck, a collar, or a half collar.  The underbelly should be mostly white, as should the paws, parts of the legs, and part of the face markings.

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Grey and white

Sable and white

Black and white

Seal and white

Red and white

Solid white

If you are interested in purchasing or adopting an Alaskan Malamute, please, please, please do your research!  As stated above, this breed is not for everyone.  They are strong, energetic, get bored easily, need tons of exercise, dig, and can very easily get themselves in trouble if they don’t have enough physical and mental activities to drain their energy and keep them occupied.  But, if you’re looking for a great family dog that’s loyal, quiet but will talk back and forth with you, big and fluffy, clean as a cat, loves to run and pull, loves people, and will keep you on your toes, the Alaskan Malamute might be the dog for you!

Fun Fact:  The Alaskan Malamute is the state dog of Alaska and is often used in movies to portray wolves.

Do you or have you owned an Alaskan Malamute? Please tell us about him/her in the comments below!  I’d love to hear about your experiences with the breed.

Have suggestions?  Comment below!

Have a breed you’d like to see featured in our next Breed of the Week?  Leave your suggestion in the comments below!

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Breed if the Week: Alaskan Malamute So, as some may have noticed, I'm having difficulty keeping Breed of the Week to Monday.  This is partially due to ongoing fatigue and partially due to the time requirements of the 4 kittens I'm currently bottle feeding, which adds to the fatigue. 

[mairzymarzipan]

More of Hat Loves Lamp

this might lead to a few subsequent bits- basically the origin of my villain’s evil and my brat’s hattiness.

“Dragon no!  No!  Stop it!”

There was a playful growling noise in the other room to go along with the yells, and Lyle looked up from the refrigerator.  It wasn’t the first time he’d heard his twin sister argue with the dog, but it was the first time he’d heard her so upset.  She sounded on the verge of years.  

“Bad dog!” She screamed, almost at the top of her lungs, and the dog’s happy growls were replaced with a yelp.  A second later a white and fawn furry blur of a collie went running past the boy.  Dragon darted under the table and hid there.  

Lyle headed for the living room, leaving the fridge door wide open.  If it had been anyone else, Lyle would have checked to see if the dog was alright, but Mabel was his twin sister and she had sounded way more upset than usual.  

She was in the middle of the living room floor crying, holding something in her hands.  Lyle stood next to her, “Mabes?  What happened?”

Unable to speak through her tears, the eleven-year-old held up the object.  It was the pinwheel- the magic one.  Only it was broken.  The stick was snapped, and the paper torn and with bite marks.

“Oh, no,” Lyle said.

“Dragon ate Rain!”  Mabel said between sobs.

“Oh Mabel, I’m so sorry!”  Lyle gently touched the pinwheel.  It- it was really rough.  The handle was splintered in the middle, hanging to itself by the single grain.  The paper in the wheel was half chewed, half melted.  Any life Rain had had in her was gone, now.

“That stupid dog!”  Mabel’s mouth twisted, “I want him dead!”

Lyle jumped a little at the force of Mabel’s proclamation.  He’d never rage in her like this before, “You don’t mean that,” he said.  Dragon was their dog.  They had chosen him together after much deliberation and kisses from the entire litter.  They’d raised him from when he was small and taught him all the tricks- sit, fetch, lay.  Dragon slept between them on the floor at night.  

“I do, I do!  I hate him!”

“He didn’t mean it,” Lyle said, “Dad says he’s still just a puppy even if he’s big.  He chews on everything.  He didn’t know Rain was alive.”

“Someone mention me?”

Mabel gasped.  The pinwheel in her hands was moving.  The wheel itself bent in her direction and spun a little.  It looked- better.  Less chewed and more whole.  Lyle couldn’t even see the break in the handle anymore.  Had he actually seen it?

“Rain?  You’re- OK?”

“I’m fine sugar, how ‘bout you?”  Now Lyle knew he hadn’t seen things- the wheel was getting itself back shape.  He didn’t know how, but the paper was unfolding and, growing back, where it had been eaten.  Pretty soon it looked like a brand new pink and yellow pinwheel, just like the day they found her.  

Mabel wiped tears from her eyes, “Oh, Rain!  I was so scared!  I thought you died.”

“Died?  Ah no- a dog can’t kill a maguffin!  That would be too kind, huh?  Sugar- dry your eyes.  I remembered another spell.”

Lyle sighed with relief but, it was strangled.  He’d feel awful if Dragon accidentally killed Mabel’s friend.  But there went the pinwheel off again about spells and magic.  Remembering spells.  Performing spells.  It was all Mabel talked about these days.  It used to be about cutting faces out of teen magazines and making her dinosaur books really bizarre, or playing Barbie house with her friends.  Now, it was just magic.

“Oh, gosh!  What’s the spell?”  Mabel was jumping on her knees now.  Tear streaks were on her face but seemed to belong to another person.  Mabel looked like a girl who had only know happiness.

“I’d tell you,” Rain said, “but-” she turned her pinwheel toward Lyle, who sighed.

What made Mabel’s new hobby worse was the Lyle wasn’t invited to these lessons.  ‘Sorry Sonny-sorcery is for girls!’  Rain had said.  Lyle wasn’t a stranger to being excluded from things- he was always told he was too young or too dumb or something.  But, Mabel was his twin sister.  They shared everything.  The hot-boy dinosaur collages, the doll tea parties, the baseball games, the bug hunts- everything.

Until now.

“Oh, Sonny?”  Rain said.  Lyle didn’t know why she called him Sonny like it was his name, “You can make yourself useful, you know.  There’s some things your sister’s going to need.”

“Hold on,” Mabel pulled a pen from behind her ear, “OK, let me write this down.”

Rain had taken to floating in the air again, and Mabel was writing down a list of plants on a pink post it pad.  It was like the pinwheel had never been devoured by a dog.  Lyle didn’t know half the plants Mabel was writing down, but he didn’t ask for a clarification.  When Rain was done, Mabel stood up and stick the list to Lyle’s forehead, and grinned, then went into the other room.  

Lyle was about to leave when he noticed her top hat on the floor.  Must have fallen off when Mabel was trying to get Dragon to cough up Rain.  He picked it up and almost raised his voice to call for her but then, promptly, changed his mind.  If Mabel wanted to send him to do stupid chores, then Lyle ‘accidently’ use her hat as a shopping bag for dirty flowers and stuff.

The front door opened before Lyle could get there, and his friends were waiting for him.  “Ly!  What’s taking you so long?  Where are our juice boxes?”

“Oh, sorry!”  Lyle smacked his head where the list was.  He and his friends had been fishing outside, and Lyle had run in to get them drinks.  “I had to help my sister,” he ran to the still-open fridge and grabbed four juice boxes.  He gave three to his friends.  

“Thanks, Ly,” Dustin said, “we’re going over to Allen’s house now, though.  His brother finally left for work so we’re gonna play on his Nintendo.”

“OK, sounds good,” Lyle pulled the sticky note off his head, “let’s look for this stuff on the way there.

Allen’s big brother hadn’t gone to work, it turned out, and the flock of boys were chased away when they got to the house.  Dustin half blamed Lyle for making them find all those flowers, but he didn’t have much of a foot to stand on.  Their plans dashed, and not wanting to be in the hot sun anymore, the boys split.

Lyle carried his plants home.  Rain hadn’t specified, so Lyle and the boys had snapped them at the stocks.  They weren’t all flowers, and those that Lyle didn’t know about had been identified by his friends.

He struggled with the lock, which meant Mom wasn’t home yet.  Mabel wasn’t in their room. Lyle dropped the flowers onto the middle of her bed unceremoniously, and that’s when he noticed Mabel’s diary, sitting wide open.  Her diary, where she had been furiously writing the stuff Rain had been telling her about lately- the super secret stuff.  The diary that actually locked, with a key that she kept on a chain around her neck, and always stashed under her pillow or in her backpack.  

Lyle realized that if there was any chance to see what Rain had been teaching his sister, the time was now.  He put the hat on the side table, crown down.

The words on the top of the page read MAGUFFIN STUFF.

Below that were words, followed by paragraphs of gibberish.  Lyle cocked his head but none of this made sense.  Lyle set his hand down on the hat, his fingertips resting just on the sweatband.  Maybe if he read this out loud, it would make more sense?  So he did that.

There was a tug from the hat.  His hand was gone into it!  His fingers and thumb weren’t visible, but his wrist stretched impossibly into the dark hole.  Before he could say anything, he elbow disappeared into it.  When the rest of his arm disappeared, his torso was tugged closer to the hat.  It pulled to hard- he couldn’t fight against it!  When he tried to push with his other hand, that just went inside too, like it was a black hole.  Too late to scream, his shoulders and head went into the hat, and then his body and legs and feet.

Lyle was in a long, black shaft.  There was a hole in front him and an empty blackness behind him.  He was falling.  The hole got smaller and smaller, and the walls around him got narrower, and narrower.  They got so narrower they pushed up against him.  They got so narrow that they squeezed him.  Lyle thought they would stop him from falling, but he fell still.  The wall got so narrow they were inside his body.  They got so narrow he didn’t have a body anymore.  He was only walls.  Walls and fabric and blackness and deepness.  And even now, he was falling, falling, falling.

Then he was on the side table.

***

Rain had sent Lyle to do busywork, she’d revealed, after the boy had left.  Mabel had objected but Lyle was already gone.  But that meant that now she and her mentor could do the real work.  For this spell, Mabel would need a perfect opal.  Might her mom have one in her jewelry?  Mabel wasn’t sure what an opal was, but she could look!

And so she’d been spending the last hour going through her mom’s jewelry case looking for opals.  She would hold a stone in front of Rain and the Rain would confirm or deny.  Mostly deny.  Once she found an opal, but it wasn’t perfect.  But at least now she knew what the right stone would look like.

She heard a scream that made her head come up and smash into one of the open shelves.  It sounded like Lyle!  Mabel ran to it right away, into their shared room.  But she didn’t see him here.  “Lyle?  Lyle?”  She looked under the beds.  She looked in the beds. There was a pile of flowers on her bed.  

Her magician’s hat fell off the table- so that’s where that thing had gone to.  “Mabel!  Something’s wrong with me!”

“Where are you?” She opened the closet door and pushed aside their shirts and looked behind them.

“I’m on the floor.”

But the only thing on the floor was her hat.  It was rolling around on it’s brim.  It rolled around a bit, then it pushed itself up with it’s ribbons.  Wait- since when had her magician’s hat had loose ribbons?  It pushed itself onto its crown, then felt itself over with its ribbons.  There was an ugly tear across the front of the hat that Mabel had never seen before.  It opened up, revealing weird, sharky teeth.

“Mabelllll!”

That was Lyle’s voice.

“Oh my god- Lyle?”

“Of course it’s me.  Mabel, something’s wrong with me!”  He reached his ribbons for her, and Mabel came to kneel in front of him.  It kind of twisted her up on the inside to look at him.  He- he wasn’t her brother right now.  He was a weird version of her hat with teeth and arms.  

She put her hands on her face and tears started to come to her eyes.  She knew right away- this was her fault.  This was her fault and she had to fix it.  Lyle had tried to warn her about using magic, but Mabel had been too caught up in it.  Now Lyle was the real one paying the price.

“Mabel?”  Lyle’s voice was soft, “What’s wrong with me?”  He put his ribbons in front of his teeth and gasped, “I’m blue!  And- my bones are gone?”

Mabel sort of hic-sobbed, “No!  Wait- Lyle, you can see?  Without eyes?”

“What?  What do you mean I don’t have eyes?!”

There was a mirror on the door of the closet, “I’ll show you,” she got up and closed the door.  The full body mirror revealed an opposite of the room.  

“I can’t see myself,” Lyle said, “I’m invisible?”

“What?  No!”  With one hand on her mouth, she knelt, then softly she rested her hand on Lyle’s brim, “Do you feel that?”

“Yeah.”

“Look in the mirror at what I’m touching.”

There was silence for a good one, two seconds.  It was- unbearable.  Then Lyle said, “You’re touching your hat.  But I’m not your hat,” he waved his ribbons, and paused when the mirror hat did the same thing, “No, I can’t be,” he waved his ribbon arms, crossed them, jumped up and down.  Lyle screamed again.

“Nooo!  I don’t want to be a hat!  Mabel!  Mabel!  Change me back!”

“I don’t-” Mabel got her diary off the bed, and gasped when she saw what page it was open to, “Lyle- did you read aloud from this page?”

“Yes,” Lyle flapped his ribbon arms wildly, “and I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry!  I’ll never read from your magic book again, just change me back!”

“I- I can’t.”

“What?”

“I’m- I’m not a good enough sorceress.”

“Then get Rain to do it!”

“She can’t either!”

“What?”

“She said that I can’t either.”

The new voice came from the doorway where Mabel’s pinwheel was floating in the middle, bobbing and her pinwheel turning slowly.  Rain floated lower, more to Lyle’s level.  

“She’s wrong though, right?”  Lyle said, “You’re a really strong sorceress.”

Two of Rain’s points folded, “Sonny, if I knew how to get people out of maguffins, do you think I’d still be in one?”

“What?”  Lyle asked.

Mabel sighed, “Rain isn’t a pinwheel- she’s a person inside a pinwheel.  What we’ve been trying to do all this time was get her out so she could teach me more stuff.”

“And now you’re a being like me,” Rain said, “a maguffin: a magical object with a human soul battery.”

“But- but- I read the spell from your diary!  It was really easy!”  Lyle said.

“It’s really to make maguffins,” Mabel said, “but really hard to unmake them.”

Lyle started to hyperventilate, and and then rise from the ground.  He was now floating inches above the rug like the other maguffin.  “But I want to be a boy!  I want to be a boy!”

There was a click at the front of the house- the door being opened.  “Mom’s here!”  Lyle cried, “Mom will help me!”  He jumped for the door, lost his elevation and sort of fell in the hall.  He rolled a couple of times and landed brim-down.

“Help!  I’m upside down!”

“Mabel!”  Rain said severely, her wheel spinning, “Listen sugar- adults can’t see him.  You have to hide him.”

That seemed extremely unfair, “But he’s my brother- and my mom is his mom.”

“She can’t, Mabel.  You know what happens if adults see magic- they’ll take me away.  And they’ll take your brother away, now that he’s magic, too.”

Mabel’s insides froze up.  Having a hat-brother was bad, but having Lyle taken away was the absolute worst thing that could ever happen to her.  Lyle wasn’t just a brother.  He was a twin.  Being with him was like being with herself.  It was like the world made sense.  

She could never lose that.  Never.

“Take me away?  What?  I’m still upside down!”  

Their mom was still struggling with the door- the lock was kind of loose and they all had problems with their keys.  Mabel picked Lyle up and brought him inside the room.  She set him on his bed ‘rightside up’, and looked at him sadly.  Lyle’s strange looking mouth frowned.

“I’m a hat forever, aren’t I?”

“No,” Mabel wiped a tear from her eye, “just until Rain and I figure out how to fix it.  I will fix it.  I promise.  I’m so, so sorry.”

“It’s OK, Mabel.  You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Yes, I did,” and there was no way anyone could tell her otherwise.  She’d written down dangerous spells- spells Rain had warned her over and over not to say out loud.  And she’d done the worst possible thing- left her diary out, and open, where Lyle could find it.  

“Lyle?  Mabel?”  Their mother had gotten in the house, “You guys are being awful quiet.”

Mabel got up, and Lyle said, “I’ll hide.  What are you gonna tell mom?”

“I don’t know,” she sobbed.

“Don’t cry.  If you cry, she’ll know something’s wrong.  Tell her I’m still at Allen’s house.  And when I don’t come home…”

Mabel swallowed.  Lyle gathered his strength, “When I don’t come home, she’ll think I ran away.”

Mabel stifled a cry, failed, and tried to think of an excuse for it.  “I watched Dumbo,” she said.

Lyle nodded, “Good, good.  Now go meet her.”

“Mabel?  Lyle?  You around?”

Mabel walked into the hall, shutting the door behind her, “Lyle’s not here!  He’s still with his friend.”