#and got bullied by the adult family members for it and even more bc she was disrespectful to them | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nukenai · 3 years ago

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idk just some shower thoughts ranting about my experiences with my gender identity & body growing up and how Weird it was. I try very much not to be like Listen To My Cis Feelings About Shit! but, idk maybe it’s stupid to say but I deeply struggled with my body for most of my life so it’s just kinda about that

growing up I always had long hair because I was told I looked like a boy with short hair. I was into typical “boy things” and people would wonder why I wasn’t More Of A Girl.

This will get only slightly TMI but I like. Did not hit puberty?? Idk. Like when I was 15 or 16 I finally got my period, and my face started breaking out absolutely nonstop until earlier this year, but I literally never experienced Body Changes. I am completely flat chested. I don’t have wide hips. I never “developed”. ~*Biologically*~ I’m female but I always felt ugly and misshapen because I never got an Adult Body like everyone else around me.

I was... bullied a lot for it. Kids in my one science class in high school hand-wrote me a letter telling me that my clothes were ugly and there was something wrong with me for wearing them (a t-shirt and jeans). They asked me, graphically, if I was secretly a boy because my body didn’t look like a girl’s and I didn’t have boobs. My own mother bought me padded bras because “You need to have a little something”, and would angrily ask why I didn’t want to wear makeup to “look better”.

I felt so awful about my scrawny, non-shaped self that I only wore t-shirts and jeans with light hoodies for my entire school life. A couple times I would wear dresses at dances and stuff and people were shocked that I even owned things like that.

I didn’t NOT want to be a girl or anything. The opposite. I wished I was prettier and could wear nice things, but nice things didn’t look good on my body. I wanted to be a beautiful princess but I just wasn’t beautiful and no one wanted to look at me. I never had any boyfriends or anything in school because no one was interested in me, remotely. Not a single person ever expressed real interest in me and while I didn’t particularly WANT a relationship, it really... hurt my feelings that no one would even be interested. My mom told me she felt that I “missed out” for not having boyfriends in school and pressured me into a “relationship” with a friend that expressed a crush on me post-high school, that lasted for 2 weeks bc I was miserable. We are still good friends and everything is fine now. [I am also still good friends with every person I was in a “real” relationship with as an adult but I have realized it is Not For Me because I am unable to really reciprocate Romantic(tm) feelings and I really, really hate being touched a lot of the time! I like hugs! But skin-on-skin contact, even like, hand-holdilng, is extremely uncomfortable to me and being kissed repulses me! Even on the cheek, man. Even by family. I’ve really offended family members my entire life, mostly my mom, because of this. She would always touch me and kiss me without permission and it has just ALWAYS upset me. Sorry mom.]

Only in college did I start trying to wear clothes that made me feel nice. I wore a floor-length skirt to a writing class one day with a nice blouse I had. My professor got distracted in the middle of saying something because he was so surprised to see me dressed nice - it was a nice day out and he said I was dressed like a “spring flower”. Everyone in the class started very kindly commenting that I looked really nice and seemed happy and they hoped I’d wear clothes like that in the future because I always seemed gloomy when I wore just hoodies and jeans.

Idk when the switch really happened. After my mom died I guess. I cut all my hair off and now I can’t stand it being past my shoulders. I realized that I wasn’t in high school anymore so nobody gave a shit if I looked weird in clothes, I should just wear what I wanted. I started wearing shorter and shorter skirts and dresses on hot summer days, and I realized it was really nice to wear clothes like that. I didn’t just have to stare at them in the store anymore.

I have the same body I did when I was 15. I weigh the same. I never got any boobs or hips or anything. But something changed when I became an adult and I started buying cute dresses and short-shorts. I’m 30 now and I still wear my tiny dresses and skirts. But also I wear my graphic tees with my jeans and either way I feel great. I sorta came to terms with this being My body and it doesn’t matter what other people think. I don’t love it... not yet. But, I finally actually love being a girl.

I’ve seen “gender euphoria” discussed as exclusively a trans topic and I never want to overstep. But I’ve endured 15+ years of severe, what I could really call dysphoria, over just... what my body was. I didn’t know what i wanted it to be, but it wasn’t THIS mess. And now, at almost 31, I’m finally kind of happy in my skin. I finally got treatment for my breakouts - at 30 - and even though I’m covered in scars, I feel like I’m finally taking ownership of my body.

So idk like I said this is just ranting about my own personal experiences. Again I absolutely don’t want to overstep or be like “yeah I totally get what it’s like to be trans” bc I don’t and never will. But it makes me just sort of think, I’ve come to really be able to like myself and my expression of myself. Why wouldn’t I want that for my trans friends? And even people who aren’t my friends? I think it’s an amazing feeling that took way too long for me to find, and everyone should be able to feel like this, whether they’re wearing dresses or jeans or short-shorts, man who cares.

I also don’t get periods anymore due to the birth control I’m on for a medical condition, so I get so extra weirded out by fucked up TERF shit degrading ~*Womanhood*~ down to biological functions and body structure. Like, I don’t have breasts, or wide hips, or a menstrual cycle. But I’m a woman and I know I am. This whole “Define a woman” shit is so bizarre because why should we have to? How about we let people define themselves?? I don’t feel threatened by transwomen because I think everyone should be able to enjoy finding themselves like I did. I know all TERF shit is just lies and posturing and making shit up because they’re insecure psychopaths anyways. And I might be a slight psychopath but I’m not insecure about who I am. And someone defining themselves as a “woman” in a way that’s different than me is kind of none of my business! I just. I guess I literally don’t care how other people are defining/presenting/etc themselves because it’s not? Me? I just want other people to be happy in themselves because I know what it’s like to be MISERABLE in myself, and it’s feels like being trapped in a nightmare. And having other people torment you because you’re not Their Idea of whatever you should be... it’s awful. Fuck it and fuck them.

Too many people have asked me “have you gotten your hormones checked?” when I tell them I’m AroAce, and I don’t feel like explaining that lack of sexual attraction =/= lack of sex drive and my sex life or lack thereof is so profoundly none of their business. Sometimes I wonder, maybe I DO have some kind of hormone issue. But I also could not give less of a shit! I don’t care because I’m happy in who I am and my gender/sexuality stuff. I don’t care if there’s something “wrong” with me by dumb medical standards from boring people who think I should have 3 kids by now and ask me things like “are your parents sad you aren’t giving them grandkids?” Well, my mom died 11 years ago and my dad told me a while ago that he “doesn’t think marriage and relationships are for [him]” so maybe he’s Aro too! Bottom line: who cares mind your own business

Anyways I guess the tl;dr is. I can’t wait until the warm weather comes back, so I can wear my super short slutty little dresses that people would love to tell me I’m too old to wear. Sorry, can’t hear you over all the compliments I’m getting on my sick-ass Wind Fish tattoo! And my legs look fuckin nice, hell yeah! They’re nice legs! I ride horses and have moderate muscle definition exclusively in my legs! WHOO!

Also if you ever compliment my appearance, my clothes, or anything about me, I will remember it absolutely forever, and you have no idea how much it means to me. If you’ve ever said I looked nice or I’m pretty or you love my outfit, I remember it and it is such an important memory for me.

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sanchoyo · 3 years ago

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danny phantom 14-20 thoughts!! I finished up s1 :D these last few eps were actually really really good!!!

-did. did tucker really just say esperanto was a dead language only spoken as a secret code between geeks. google says around 100,000 people actively speak it. oh my god...it being an auxiliary language doesn't mean its 'just for geeks to speak in code' ...it helps bridge gaps between people who don't have a language in common...

-danny really isn't pulling punches when it comes to fighting the ghost-cop possessed people huh. like he SLAMMED KWAN INTO THE CONCRETE SO HARD. HE THREW PAULINA INTO A BILLBOARD. will that...I mean it WOULD carry over to their bodies non-possessed, right? like if the ghost piloting their bodies gets hurt?? itd be so upsetting to be possessed, lose time, then wake up covered in bruises (and possibly, broken bones??) real horror movie stuff im sure wont be addressed in any way

-tuckers parents seem nice! I like them :)

-WULF IS CUTE AND I FEEL BAD. im so glad the gang realized he was only causing trouble bc of the shock collar walker put on him and helped. also, him wearing that big hoodie with the hood on, and thinking its subtle. we can tell youre still a giant wolfie :) THEN GETTING SUCKED INTO THE PORTAL AAAAH :( anxiously waiting to see Him Again....

-DANNY BLASTING HIS PARENTS THINKING THEY WERE OVERSHADOWED LMFAO GET THEIR ASSES. maddie marking how many ghosts she gets with lipstick tallies on the side of her portal gun? kindaaa iconic tho. (ALSO, SHE WAS LIKE, 2 FT AWAY FROM HIM RIGHT AFTER SHE TRIED TO SHOOT HIM. HOW DO YOU NOT RECONINZE YOUR OWN SON??? like sure, he might have diff hair/eye colors. but like, if one of my family members dyed their hair, and was wearing contacts, its not like id be like 'wHO IS THIS STRANGER!!!' ...he still has all his facial features!! same everything!!! I hate it here)

-paulina being #1 girl realizing danny's a friendly ghost immediately. smart queen. lancer and kwan ran away right after he made this sweet baby face at them:

which is hilarious.

-ok. im not saying his bullying is JUSTIFIED, but. dash looked so pleased with the (cute!) poster he just painted, and danny comes thru the wall and spills paint on his nice letterman jacket. his anger is justified maybe 65% of the time so far...(not the way he handles it, but STILL.) at least lancer is stepping in!! and them making a silly little bet was...cute?? until dash pulled out his GROSS UNDERWEAR AND SAID DANNY WOULD HAVE TO EAT THEM???? WHAT THE FUCK MAN. TUCKER WAS SO RIGHT ITS FUCKING WEIRD TO CARRY THOSE AROUND EWWW. THIS KID IS UNWELL. lancer was right, his animatronic setup was SUPER IMPRESSIVE?? hes actually pretty creative. danny meanwhile is stealing the fright knight's design...I hope dash is taking art classes or smth with his sports

-fright knight is the most bestest ghost so far i LOVE THAT DESIGN. I am biased towards knights, and characters with swords, but he fucks so severely. and should sue danny for copyright infringement for stealing his design for his haunted house. if some 14 yr old broke into MY house and stole MY sword, id also be pissed. his evil winged unicorn rules too with its FANGS. and he just CAN SHOVE THE PORTAL OPEN WITH HIS HANDS??? is he the strongest ghost weve seen so far? idk but hes my fav. SOUL SHREDDER IS SUCH A COOL SWORD NAME TOO. ANY NAMED SWORD ALSO FUCKS. 'flaming bedsheets of DEATH' funny king. ALSO he was polite to dash and tucker when just asking for directions and telling tucker 'oh maybe, just a suggestion, maybe be nicer to me and be more respectful :)' I LOOOVE HIM.

-I noticed this in the Ember ep, but jazz has an electric guitar in her room!! talent musical queen!! its cool to see hobbies just in the bg.

-fright knight's murder castle reminds me of the booby trapped murder castle in zexal!! another supposedly 'for kids' show with murder/trap castles! we love that. if you are a dp fan reading this, give yugioh zexal a try. its also got 13-14 year old protags and involves (alien) ghosts. the cardgame is just a vessel for the plot, which is really good. (I just want more people to watch my fav yugioh, man)

-danny. with a SWORD.

-danny doesnt NEED TO WIN this contest, dash didnt STEAL HIS DESIGNS AND STEAL A SWORD. he also got excited to hear lancer got sent to a dimension with his worst fears too just so he could win the contest? DANNY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! BRO MAYBE YOURE 14 AND HAVENT FULLY DEVOLPED YOUR WHOLE BRAIN YET, BUT...THATS FUCKED. this kid casually says the most deranged things, I do worry for my spooky son. once again, therapy needed. that judo toss was great tho. I wonder if he actually did pick up some martial arts stuff from his mom?

-danny can fly 112 mph!!! thats so fast! I love the lil montage of him and his friends testing his abilities and stuff, very cute and a good way to showcase what he can do by now and how much more proficient he's gotten from ep 1!!! I'm sure he's going to get more abilities :)

-im glad...maddie's at least TRYING this ep. I do feel for her because her husband is a man baby. but the fact it took 16 episodes to get a kinda semblance of any kind of real concern or attempts at bonding. hmm. jack's 'BACK OFF SHES A MINOR' @ the ghost trying to attack jazz. also was very funny. and him wanting to make an action figure of her? are the parents redeeming themselves to me? slightly. they gotta Work Harder

-THE GHOST. IS FLYING. THE PLANE.

-fenton machete. but she doesnt carry a PHONE??? ???

-I mean I expected vlad when you namedrop him earlier in the ep, and also the title card picture, and dalv corp being fucking vlad backwards. but seeing him just pull up on a golf cart made me bust out laughing. WITH the gift baskets prepared. why wouldnt you at least be suspicious. also, if he wants danny to be his lil sonboy, why is he so fucking malicious?? dude you are going about this in such a bad way. stop it. get some help.

-maddie not even hesitating to drag danny out. fucking good. danny is so right, go on the internet to date. get a cat. how do you spend...how many years?? has it been since college?? at least 20, right, since the parents/vlad are in their 40s? hung up on ONE girl. my god, man. incel drama queen. her kung fu IS impressive, but dude. 'we both know hes a creep' SO right. it sucks but they do need a phone and shit being in the middle of NOWHERE. also, just stealing his helicopter was great. <3

-'you must be exhausted carrying the weight of that mistake you made years ago' 'well we all make mistakes. maybe I'll make one now!' WHY DID THIS EXHCHANGE SEND ME. AND VLAD WITH THE BREATH SPRAY EWWW BITCH. 'OLD BAIT BREATH' SOO RIGHT. both danny and his mom playing him HAHAH hes so dumb. or rather, I think he thinks with his emotions too too much and is...actually pretty gullible? lmao he believed danny was ready to give in SO fast. (which is sad hes that hopeful, like you have SO MUCH MONEY YOU COULD EASILY GET ANOTHER GIRL WHO HAS A KID. AND WOULD WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND BE SUPPORTED. GET OVER THIS (1) WOMAN ALREADY IM GETTING SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT AAAAH)

-GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR. it was also in the title card, but I still got very excited. we love bears here

-SAM'S BAT SWIMSUIT COVERUP!!! her outfits are simply iconic.

-'i'd tell you to go to the mens room, but I don't think you qualify' top paulina transphobic moments. :( and him wearing a tanktop to the swim park? hmmm! (actually I think she was overshadowed by then, so, KITTY top 10 transphobic moments??)

-kitty just piloting paulina around makes me feel SO bad tho, paulina's gonna wake up and be like 'wtf do you mean I was dating this rando' like youre leading danny on to make johnny jealous, and also just POSSESSING POOR PAULINA. dude take your relationship problems ELSEWHERE. last time we saw them, they seemed like such a cute couple!! wtf johnny!! I mean, she sucks for trying to make him jealous, he sucks for looking at other girls...maybe they need a break, but Not Like This. or, you know, just. better communication...

-and the A-listers having a full packet and a stamp system. who organizes this. kwan fucking owning being the new danny though, this is hysterical. THE TUCKER/KWAN FLOWER FIELD TWIRL. UNIRONICALLY ADORABLE. and him giving it his all for the poetry slam. bless his HEARTTTT.

-Star owns. actually, all of the extra characters are shining this ep and I love it.

-INVISO-BILL??? NOOOO THEY DID HIM SOO DIRTY. DANNY SWEETIE IM SO SORRY.

-johnny and danny bein friends and staging a fake fight (which danny takes too seriously, once again this child has aggression he NEEDS TO WORK OUT) I hope these three stay friends, I said it before but danny needs more friendly ghosts to hang with.

-at this point, Danny's ghost enemies are a lot like, I dunno, batman's rouge gallery is the first thing that comes to mind. they all have their own gimmick and unique designs, but most of them are easy to beat after learning the Moral Lesson. I still get excited when any of them show up again, though. 18 is another valerie episode!!!! :D skulker really said you two will get along if I have to handcuff you together <3 and the gym teacher really said, youre married now, have a flour baby! ngl, I'm not really watching this show for the shipping stuff (which I am very scared to look at the fandom for after I finish this watch through- I feel like there's probably discourse/arguing about ships...) but. I'm gonna put my opinion out there. valerie/danny > sam/danny. maybe I just really love the enemies to lovers trope. And the secret identity stuff adds Extra Flavor.

-SKULKER JUST HAVING THE BOX GHOST AND DANGLING HIM BY A STRING. HILARIOUS. and him watching them with binoculars and making his silly little commentary. AND MAKING THE SACK BABY CRY. LMAO. THIS DUDE IS A BABY KIDNAPPER. skulker is super fun

-danny, you just...collapsed the water tower. and then attacked the nasty burger machine...mascot thingy...out of anger..I KEEP SAYING HE'S GOT ANGER ISSUES BUT. HE REALLY NEEDS A LESSON IN MANAGING COLLATERAL DAMAGE!!! So does valerie!! They're both pretty focused on each other. I mean it's good of Danny to say he's trying to make sure PEOPLE don't get hurt, but... (I mean I guess it's not something 14 year olds WOULD worry about, but as an adult im like, who's going to fix that? how much money will that take??)

-TUCKER MAKING BANK. and sam and tucker being super emotionally attached to their flour baby and being pretty good parents. that's cute...also him just straight kissing her and being like. WAIT. O_O JDSKAFHD. his mom baking them into cookies was the funniest possible result. tbh I dont feel like this is on tucker, if anything the other kid's shouldve been more responsible! He was just taking an opportunity to get that $$ which I respect

-Danny being more understanding of Valerie's situation in the end (helping her at her job, too, and trying to keep that a secret for her!!!) And seeing them work together this ep, and also her letting phantom get her out of the ghost zone...was very sweet. LOVE that. more valerie eps pls

-me when I realize vlad's big stupid house exploded because of his own carelessness with changing the ghost portal ectofiltrator or whatever: *pointing and laughing*

-me when I realize it means he's gonna go make danny's life hell for it somehow: >:(

-SCOOBY PARODY!!! I feel like there's gotta be some scooby doo/danny phantom crossover stuff, right? also, 'guys in white' men in black wishes

-'oh, that's right! dad married the love of your life! you're bitter and alone!' DANNNNNYY GET HIS ASS ONCE AGAIN WE ARE POINTING AND LAUGHING AT VLAD

-'jack, you captured the ghost boy!!' UMM. he did nothing <3 'we have a weapon's vault??' YOU HAVE A WEAPONS VAULT??? and jack didnt put a handle on the inside. of fucking course he didnt! why would you leave that to your son!! or expect him to clean YOUR LAB when its where you work with probably dangerous chemicals and weapons and hes 14!! give him normal chores, like, I dunno, vacuuming, laundry, dishes...CMON. I hate it here. But I'm glad Jack is more chill about danny while he's a ghost, and willing to work with him for this ep. AND. I DID ENJOY JACK PUNCHING VLAD IN THE FACE. AND GENERALLY JUST OWNING HIM. the ghost punchy fists are actually amazing. like yeah, just punch a ghost in the face. that rules.

-ep 20 opens with the coolest fucking ghost lady design. her tattoos can come off and fight. MA'AM. I like ur nose ring and your cape maam hello 👉👈😳

-sam's grandma is hilarious and the most valid member of her family and I love her. thats my grandma now. and tucker covering for sam by dressing as her. thats true friendship <3 also skipping school to go to a goth circus. just bestie things! sam's parents are haters but for all the wrong reasons.

-'my family has controlled ghosts with this for generations!' WAIT. WAIT FREAKSHOW /ISNT/ A GHOST? I didn't expect that...he's just a fucked up guy controlling ghosts? anyway watching danny shoot at police cars and rob banks while mind controlled. its like, the most stereotypical 'bad' things lmao. (tbh an evil ghost circus troupe is a sick concept)

this gives off big deviantart emo edit vibes

(I'm going to assume evil circus reaper danny has a lot of fan content. people love an edgy au, except this one is canon (even tho its via mind control...having the protag go evil otherwise might be hard, I guess?) but au where he stays with the troupe...that has to exist, right?)

ANYWAY. excited to start s2!! lowkey surprised by how many notes some of these posts have gotten. I've gone back and tagged them all with 'dp thoughts' so they're easier to find on my blog! ^^ and I will probably possibly do (more) fanart on my art blog after I finish the watch of the whole show, so like. @sanchoyodraws follow my art blog :)

#sanchoyorambles #danny phantom #dp thoughts

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newhologram · 3 years ago

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I've been doing some thinking and realizing just how far back this all goes. Those of you who know me and my family IRL may have a hard time believing the emotional abuse and gaslighting because whenever you've met them, they seemed fine. They may have even bragged about me to you which made you think that they thought very highly of me. They also may have neglected to inform you that I have been disabled by chronic illness the past 10 years (many of my other family members had no idea until they spoke to me personally. It's... really fucking weird? To just not tell anyone that your offspring is in bed all day in horrible pain and constantly at the doctor/ER?). Unfortunately this is also part of the gaslighting, putting on a persona of parental perfection so that no one believes me when I try to talk about it. Instead people, even within my family, make excuses for the abuse and say that I should just be grateful. Behind closed doors it's always been very different. In the event that me processing this in private spaces gets out to them (which WILL endanger me): This isn't about *~exposing~* or *~revenge~* or *~punishment~*, it's about putting the pieces together and saying, yeah, I'm right to finally put my foot down about the way I have been treated. This is my experience. This is my trauma. I'm finally claiming that after a lifetime of being told that these experiences and my pain around them are apparently "not real" (gaslighting). By talking about this, I am not victimizing myself, but empowering myself. Because none of this treatment was ever my fault. None of it was ever deserved. And none of this is to be blamed on my "response" to abuse. I hope that by talking about this I can paint a picture of the dynamic and inspire investigation into the health of your own family dynamics too. "But they're family" is literally what enables this kind of abuse to continue. And I'm done. My health and survival is more important than upholding a toxic family system. They're learning that the hard way, finally. I don't think my family members are bad people. I truly do love and care for them. They have some amazing qualities. They love animals and they've come a long way to now being LGBTQ+ allies even if they don't always use the right words. But they have a lot of flaws that most likely come from their own trauma... But these aren't just self-contained flaws. Because I am the one who will be undoing the damage for the rest of my life. I don't know if they will ever go to therapy themselves, but I certainly won't be waiting around for them to work on themselves if it means I'm going to continue to be mistreated and re-traumatized. - It's always been this way but things definitely got worse in my home when I became disabled (possibly bc it triggered insecurities in them?). Both parents ignored me to my face all my life. I'd say or ask something, and there'd be no response most of the time. If I said, "hey, I'm talking to you, that's rude" they would blow up at me about "WHAT. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY. I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND OKAY I HAVE MY OWN LIFE". This happened even when I was a literal child. I grew up believing that nothing I had to say was worth hearing and that if they ignored me that it was because I was unimportant and annoying. But if I ignore them or take too long to respond because I'm thinking, they scold me me about being rude, that they are my parents and I need to respect them. My emotions and pain have been invalidated since I was a child too. I would get picked up from afterschool care, or my bully's house, and of course I'd be crying from enduring a day of bullying. I would say, "I didn't do anything to them, it's not fair." And my dad's response was always, "WELL GUESS WHAT LIFE'S NOT FAIR. WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE AN ADULT IN THE REAL WORLD." He has continued to say this to me on a regular basis whenever I am struggling, either with work, friends, relationships, a death, or my chronic illnesses. I wonder why he has never considered my world to be real? Why is my reality not real to him? What

makes that even more painful is that I was still sent day after day to the school where I was bullied, to afterschool care with my bullies, and to my bullies' homes. No matter how much I was always crying when they picked me up, they just kept sending me back. And then a few of my dad's girlfriend's had children who bullied me too. I literally could never escape it. If it wasn't that, his response to me crying about something would be, "YOU HAVE NOTHING TO CRY ABOUT. YOU'RE LIVING THE LIFE OF LUXURY HERE, YOU DON'T PAY RENT! JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE OUT THERE HAVING REAL PROBLEMS!" Again, he said this to me when I was a 24 year old who was suddenly in the span of a year so disabled that I could barely work. I was scared for my future, because I had taken the time to educate myself about my illnesses, and I knew that things were going to be hard for me. What I needed was support, not "tough love" and emotional invalidation. I was also scared of the situation I am in now. I was scared that I was going to be too sick to afford to move out and that by age 30 I would still be stuck at home with a parent who did not see my reality, my pain, as real. I am living that and it's not fun. Whenever I tried to talk to him about this invalidation, it just turned into a fight, because he refuses to admit the things that he said, and says things like "That's a You Problem" which he has said since I was a child in response to him hurting my feelings. I have always thought it was worth the effort to communicate to my loved ones this sort of issue, because that's what I was taught at school. If there's an issue, you talk about it. But my family doesn't believe that I guess. - When I first got sick, I was throwing up a lot. It had built up over several years since I was 19 but then after I was officially diagnosed with my Big 4 (colitis/fibro/ME/narcolepsy) I started having really dangerous vomiting attacks. The first attack I had lasted 6 days. I lost 12lbs. I overheard my dad complaining on the phone to a friend that I was keeping him up all night throwing up. I felt so bad for bothering him, I had learned to value his comfort over mine. But after the third day of nonstop vomiting, I told my dad I needed to go to the ER, that something was wrong. He sighed and rolled his eyes and said I didn't need to go. He was so annoyed with me for being sick. I was completely pale. I hadn't eaten anything. I could barely keep water down. I argued but he wouldn't listen. I went back to throwing up, at this point just dry-heaving. A while later I said, "I'm taking myself to the ER." I grabbed my car keys and my dad stopped me. He said, "That's ridiculous, you aren't driving yourself to the ER, I'll do it." But he still wouldn't take me for some reason. I don't know if he just didn't want to pay the copay or what. But I was literally trapped. I tried to fight it and said, "If you're going to take me, then take me. If not, let me take myself." I kept throwing up for three more days before he finally agreed to take me. The ER was packed so I ended up going to urgent care, where the nurse scolded me. She said I really should've gone to the ER after the third day of vomiting. She said that if I had gone a 7th day I could have collapsed. I didn't know how to tell her that I had tried. She asked where my family was and I said my dad had to go to work so he had just dropped me off. She had tears in her eyes and she held my hand. She said, "he should be here with you." THAT is how sick I was. That year, I went to the ER three more times. Each time I would be sobbing and ashamed of myself just for bothering my dad and for him having to pay the copay since I was too sick to earn the money myself. Again, that's how little I had learned to value myself and my health. By my birthday that year, I was suicidal from this shame. A few months later, in the new year, I started having vomiting attacks again. My dad stood over me while I was hunched over the toilet gagging and he said something I will never be able to forget, "You need to snap out of it

because I can't go through this again." He was the victim of my illness. He was the victim of my pain. This year was when my dad told me that he and his gf had been "talking" and that they had decided it was "time for me to be independent". He said they'd even help me find an apartment. I cried and said, "Dad, I'm sick. I've been so sick the past year. How am I supposed to afford even splitting rent with a roommate when I'm in bed in a neckbrace all day long?" and his response was, "But your dad needs his bachelor pad." I couldn't even identify what I was feeling. I was so shocked. Did he really think having the apartment to himself so he could have girls over was more important? But he was always telling me that I was the most important person in his life. I was so confused.

He gave me a time frame to move out and I was terrified. I thought my life was over. But most of all, I thought, "it's not fair to my dad that I'm sick." I thought so little of myself and my pain because that is what I learned as a kid. I blamed myself for not being "strong enough" to power through these debilitating illnesses. I blamed myself for my dad's money troubles. I literally could not live with myself knowing that my dad had to support me. I was so ashamed that I learned to vomit quietly so that he wouldn't notice. I was in a constant state of suicidality for several years after this. And it's no wonder, because year after year my dad has barged into my room to harass me about "it's time to be a Real Adult! It's time for you to Contribute to the household! You need to Make Money! I'm HEMORRHAGING money supporting you! I'm having to use my savings!" and because I was too sick to do this, I felt like a complete failure who did not deserve to live. I was self-harming constantly because I hated myself for "doing this" to my father. He had convinced me that I was the villain. I would start freaking out about money, forcing myself to work even if it meant vomiting literally on set (and almost being sent home bc of it, but I insisted I was fine to work). But I still couldn't make enough to afford my medical expenses. So I would shame-spiral and be suicidal again and then suddenly the story would change. My dad did a complete 180 and said, "Why are you even worried about money? We're doing fine. Even if I didn't have to support you, it wouldn't make that big of a difference in the money that I spend on this household. Don't worry about it." And then as soon as bills were due, he was back to telling me that I needed to make money. Back to saying we spent too much money on food despite me not eating that much. Back to refusing to try shopping somewhere cheaper when I suggested ways to save money. When I brought this up to my therapist back then, she said, "He's giving you mixed messages. Maybe you should bring this up to him so he realizes he's doing it." But when I did bring it up, of course my dad denied doing this and called me ungrateful even as I worked two jobs. When I eventually got a third job (fucking up my health more) to pay off my medical debt, my dad patted my back and told me how proud he was. When I told my therapist that he denied it, she suggested I bring him in so she could help us communicate. When I asked him to come with me to therapy, he got angry and said, "I am NOT going to therapy with you, that is ridiculous." But even with those 3 jobs it still wasn't enough and I was constantly being pulled between "YOU HAVE TO MAKE MONEY RIGHT NOW END OF THE WORLD" and "uhh why are you even worried about money, you need to work your mindset..." When bugged about money I would ask, "What else do you want me to do? I'm working 3 jobs. I'm not hiding money from you. I'm sending you everything that is leftover after I pay my own bills. I've even been buying a lot of my own food, I've been living off ramen and cans of ravioli." And he never had an answer except "just make more money." -- Now to the dynamic I'm currently living in. My dad moved his gf and her dog in without talking to me about it to see if it was going to impact my health. She was only supposed to stay here for maybe 4-5 days while she figured out a new home situation. But when I asked my dad about it in the days leading up to her arrival, suddenly the answer was "oh, she's staying indefinitely." I had no say in it. But we had a talk about what I needed to make this work. I said to my dad that the most important thing was that I have some scheduled quiet time. If I'm recording content or editing audio, I'm going to need quiet that morning so I can get my work done. If I'm resting, I need there to not be shouting or slamming doors happening in the house. He assured me that this was fine and that it'd all be easy for the three of us. The first weekend she was moved in, I let my dad know that I was editing audio that morning and needed

some quiet. He was cheerful and said, "No problem!" I thought wow, this is different. This is nice! This is going to be great for my productivity and health. As soon as I started editing, his gf was blasting music in the kitchen (right next to my room) and they were both laughing and talking loudly just a few steps away from my door. I thought, okay, we talked about this. But I'll just power through. When I was done, I went to my dad and said in a calm manner, "Hey, so this morning I let you know ahead of time that I was editing audio but there was still a ton of music and stuff in the kitchen, so it made it take a lot longer for me." His eyes immediately went dark. He put on an angry parent voice and said, "Okay, I am about to pop. I have enough going on without worrying about making too much noise for you." I said, calmly still, "We talked about this, though, and you assured me it wasn't a problem that I needed this quiet time for editing. So I'm not sure what to do. I'm just letting you know that there was still loud music right next to my room even though we had talked about it." He responded, "Then you need to be more specific because I don't know what you're doing in there." I corrected, "But I told you this morning that I was going to be editing audio and you said it was no problem to have some quiet in the kitchen while I did so." He got more aggressive, "No, you need to be more specific." Again, "I was specific. I told you the time frame that I was going to be editing audio in. You said you understood. I don't know what else to do to fix this other than by openly communicating to you about it." I started crying because--I mean, uhh?? This is gaslighting. I couldn't believe that mere hours after I had specifically told my dad that I was editing audio and that he had assured me it was no problem to have some quiet, that he was accusing me of not telling him what I needed, and that he had not agreed to it or something. Like wtf. He got nastier and blamed me for his stress. But me crying triggered his guilt so he tried to soothe himself by hugging me like he does and I pulled away. I tried to emphasize to him that I'm not just making content for fun. I'm literally trying to make money and contribute to the household like he has told me I need to do for the past 8 years. And when he disrupts my editing process, it just makes it take longer, and it makes it harder for me to earn extra money. His gf was also super rude to me when I tried to be friendly and have a conversation with her. I was telling her about how great it felt to have my sister initiate a conversation about my gender identity and she interrupted me (like she does constantly) to say, "YOU KNOW YOUR SISTER DOESN'T ACTUALLY GIVE A SHIT, RIGHT?" (wtf...) After this, I didn't speak to them for three days. I was feeling the urge to self-harm that whole weekend and all I could do was stay in bed crying after that. I knew if I spoke to them I would just get triggered so I was protecting myself. My dad felt guilty and tried to talk to me in my room. I tried to explain how triggering this whole situation is for me and he said he would do anything to make it easier for me. I had told him what I needed but that he had gaslighted me about it. - This next and last part is going to illustrate the priorities in this household. A few years ago, I started having problems with hives. I spent almost a whole year having very painful breakouts all over my body. It kept me up all night and caused me so much discomfort during the day. I kept telling my dad about it (no response, or annoyed responses), I went to the doctor several times about it (useless ointments), and suffered month after month. I tried so many things, I thought maybe it was bugs, spiders, etc. My asthma was also acting up and I remembered that an ex-neighbor had been suspicious of mold because of their health issues getting better the second they moved out. They had told me back then that we should test for mold. I brought it up to my dad that I had been suffering from this for

long enough and that we should do something about it (mold also makes fibromyalgia and ME way worse). He angrily snapped, "What do you want me to do about it?" I suggested we ask the landlord to mold test the apartment. He refused bc he doesn't like to bother the landlord. I said that I would just order a mold kit myself and he said, "No, let me do it, I'll pick the right one." But he wouldn't even after I kept reminding him. Even after I sent him links to mold kits that we could order. After I got rid of my mattress, my hives got a lot better but I still have issues every now and then. For years I have just lived with this because I couldn't get him to even care about the fact that I was spotted with these big pink hives. When his gf moved in, we had a random rainy day, which seems to have activated the mold. His gf got one tiny little hive and the sniffles. She said to him once, "Hey, I think you have mold in this house." Want to guess what happened after that? You're right. He immediately ordered several mold test kits. I said to my therapist, "How am I supposed to feel about that? Is it really unreasonable, am I really in the wrong to feel hurt by that?" My therapist said, "I mean, I would feel completely invalidated and like I didn't matter." This isn't the first time empathy has been withheld from me obviously (above examples during my flare ups), but sometimes even when it's right in front of him he just can't bring himself to care for some reason. One time a big piece of glass was in my thumb. I said, "Ahhh, glass, help! Glass!" He was eating snacks in the kitchen and just glanced at me, didn't move or say anything. I realized he wasn't going to help, so shaking and bleeding, I managed to pull the glass out with tweezers very painfully. It bled so much and I stood over the sink trying to stop it. My dad just kept eating his snacks, not asking if I was okay or anything, he didn't even look at me. After 5 minutes I still couldn't get the blood to stop and asked my dad if he could help, maybe get me some gauze. He put food in his mouth and sighed, "Just put pressure on it" and walked away. It feels like he's just disgusted with me. I know that he does love me and that he's trying the best he can with all of his mental/emotional/personality flaws but he thinks that just because he puts a roof over my head that he can treat me however he wants and not work on his issues, that it's my fault for being hurt. He thinks that his issues are all on me to learn to endure and it's not right. I know that he resents me for getting in the way of him having a relationship because that's the only message I have gotten since childhood, with every woman he's brought into my home. But in the end his relationships always fall apart because the woman ends up realizing, and stating to him, that he is "emotionally absent". And every time, I comfort my dad through the break up. When he has tried to blame his ex I said once to him that therapy can really help him with his emotional issues and relationships. But he refuses, so. That's on him. But I refuse to believe that I am in the wrong here for saying enough is enough. But he's going to keep trying to make me believe that the problem is just me and my feelings, not his behavior. Nope. Boundary is up. I just have to keep to myself and do what I need to do to stay safe until I can move out. Because I guarantee you he's going to realize he doesn't get enough validation from his gf and then come running back to me as always and then be angry that I'm still holding my boundary strong. I know that this will hurt less as I get distance from it, but I don't like the idea of my pain being my fault when I grew up with this toxic stuff. I'm working so hard to make it hurt less but I can't heal if it keeps happening, so all I can do is back away from what is hurting me instead of being surprised when I'm hurt again. THAT is on me 100%. Hopefully he doesn't grab my desk and slam it against the wall again like in 2014 when I first tried to set this boundary. And of course when he

"apologized" he accused me of "punishing him" by not spending time with him. Jee-zus, dude. Get therapy. I can't be the only one in this family bearing this weight and working on my shit.

#teku #personal #do nut re bagel

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woulddieforperrytheplatypus · 4 years ago

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*spoilers for infinity War/endgame* Because technically Phineas and Ferb Is in the same universe of the MCU, does that mean that before the Avengers undid Thanos snap some of the PnF crew died? Imagine Doof Dying, Perry living but still visit his tower every day bc he misses him. Or Phineas and Ferb Dying, and Candace trying to bust them Just to rember they're gone.

WAIT THAT’S SO SAD O_O

I can’t stop thinking about what would happen if Heinz died. Perry would absolutely keep coming back to the tower even though there’s no scheme to thwart. Sometimes he’d run into Vanessa, who’s mourning just like he is. Her dad may drive her up the wall sometimes, but she still loved him and she would have to have a lot of regrets about how rocky their relationship had been at times. And assuming the squirrel powering Norm up didn’t die, he’d have the whole penthouse to himself for the first time. I don’t know if it’s in Norm’s programming to be genuinely sad, but I have to think that over five years of only finding companionship in Perry and Vanessa’s visits, he’d have to lose the cheerful air he always has.

In fact, I think a lot of OWCA and LOVEMUFFIN would be fucked up. Only about 25% of nemesis pairs would survive, and 50% of evil scientists and agents would be left without their nemesis. There would have to be a lot of rearranging, and depending on what happens to the OWCA/LOVEMUFFIN member ratio, some agents might be without a job or some might have to double up. Can you imagine Perry taking on two evil scientists every day while he’s mourning the loss of his best friends?

And then when his day at work is done, he’d have two choices: he could go to Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc and not be met with Heinz’s self-assured monologuing, or he could go to the Flynn-Fletchers (it would be difficult to call it “home” now) and constantly be reminded that his boys are gone. I would like to think that both Linda and Lawrence get to stick around, but they’re no substitute for Phineas and Ferb.

Much like Perry’s dream in Phineas and Ferb Get Busted, Candace would be heartbroken. She wouldn’t know what to do with herself if she wasn’t busting the boys. It really is the only thing she’d focused on all summer, and if they just up and disappeared one day, she’d be so lost. I have to imagine that either Stacy or Jeremy would also get snapped away -- the odds that all three would live would be slim to none -- so she’d also be mourning the loss of at least one of the closest friends. Assuming one of them survived, I imagine she’d lean on them for support more than anyone, but they’d be dealing with losses in their own family, too -- they both have at least one parent and a younger sister; I imagine at least one person in their family wouldn’t make it.

I think Candace would really hold a grudge against Perry at first because he reminds her of them. Perry’s used to her being rude -- and it’s not exactly a one-sided thing -- but never to this extent, and I think he’d take that as a sign that maybe he shouldn’t come home. He doesn’t want to sleep in Phineas and Ferb’s empty beds, anyway. It would make it easy to embrace a second nemesis at OWCA, even if he feels numb the whole time, but he’d still need somewhere to go when he’s not working, and I think he might make himself at home at DEI, at least at night when he needs somewhere to sleep. He’d be careful not to disturb anything because even though he knows Heinz is gone, he can’t stop hoping that maybe one day he’ll come back, and Perry doesn’t want to move anything for when that day comes. Even after five years, whenever he pays DEI a visit, he touches nothing but the coffee maker and the bed.

I think eventually, though, Candace and Perry would have to be reunited. It’s a small town; they can’t stay away from each other for long. Maybe it’s Perry who takes initiative, going back home for the first time after a month just to see how everyone’s doing. Obviously everyone’s still broken up about it, but it’s been long enough that people have to start moving on and living their lives without their loved ones, no matter how much it hurts. I don’t think Perry would have gone home to see Candace, but I think once he did, he wouldn’t want to leave. And for once, I think Candace wouldn’t want him to leave, either. Yes, Perry reminds her of the boys, but so does everything and everyone else. But having him disappear within days of the boys turning to dust just left another hole in the household, and it helps to have back the only one who misses them like she does.

I think the gang would absolutely fall apart. They had nothing in common before Phineas and Ferb brought them together that summer, and with them gone, there’s no one to unite them anymore. I don’t think it would be a conscious decision, but I think they’d slowly stop spending time together and that eventually it would be almost like that summer never happened. I even think Buford would stop bullying Baljeet, even as a friend, because it just feels wrong now. They wouldn’t know how to cope without Phineas and Ferb, and it would tear everything apart.

I think the Fireside Girls would grow closer, though. I think Isabella would become much more focused on getting her patches because it’s something to take her mind off the pain and she wouldn’t have to think about the fact that she never got to tell Phineas about her crush, and I think the girls who survived would know what she was doing and they would do their best to help her. I think there’d be a lot of heart-to-hearts and a lot of tears, and maybe they’d expand their duties to try to help others who are struggling the same way they are, even if the best they can offer is some sort of distraction.

And as heartbreaking as it is to think about what would happen when they’re all gone, I can’t even imagine what would happen when they come back. Maybe Perry’s at DEI with 21-year-old Vanessa -- a whole ass adult now -- and Norm, sitting together quietly or reminiscing about the past and bam, Heinz appears in the middle of his lab. I think that might be the first time anyone ever sees Perry cry -- and I mean full-on sobbing; he’s been waiting for this day for five years but he never actually thought it would happen. It would be such a nice, happy reunion, and I can’t even imagine how much it would mean to Heinz to know that Perry stuck around for five whole years waiting for him when he knows that everyone else has abandoned him the first chance they got.

And then they’ve notice how loud the tower is and how busy the streets are and they’d realize that Heinz isn’t the only one who came back, and Perry would give Heinz a big hug before running out the door to see if Phineas and Ferb came home. Heinz wouldn’t understand at first -- why would Perry wait around for five years just to leave within 10 minutes of Heinz coming back? -- but Perry had spent enough time with Vanessa lately for her to know that he has a family back home. That would just make Heinz feel even better. Perry lost his two boys and he still spent so much time here.

Phineas and Ferb would be so disoriented. One second they’re building a giant disco ball, the next they’re standing in an empty yard with no friends, tools, or disco balls in sight. They’d head inside to ask their parents if they knew where Isabella, Buford, and Baljeet went, and their parents would start crying because the boys are back! After all this time, their boys are finally home! and Phineas and Ferb wouldn’t understand why they’re suddenly being given the biggest bear hugs of all time but they wouldn’t protest. And then Perry would run through the door, almost like he somehow magically knew he’d find them, and he’d stay by their side all day, only leaving (after a day full of snuggles, obviously) to go back and visit Heinz. OWCA and LOVEMUFFIN would have a lot to sort out, so he’d hopefully get at least the next couple days off to spend with his family -- both the Flynn-Fletcher family and the Doofenshmirtz family.

Candace would probably be at school -- she’d be 20, after all, and probably at a college dorm a ways away from home. Maybe shed get a call from her mom, sobbing, telling her that her brothers are back. Or maybe someone in her dorm would start screaming and telling everyone who will listen that her dad is alive and her dad’s been dead for five years and this is the best news she’s ever gotten, and soon the entire school (and probably the entire world) is on their phone calling around to see if their own families and friends are okay. The phone lines wouldn’t even be able to handle all this, and the streets would be a wreck with people trying to get to their loved ones.

And can you imagine what it would be like for Isabella, Buford, and Baljeet to see them again? They’d be 13-15 years old at this point, and Phineas and Ferb would still be in elementary school. The boys may be mature for their age, but I have to imagine the five-year age difference would create a major rift in their friendship if they tried to go back to where they used to be. If Isabella still had remnants of a crush on Phineas, it would probably stop the moment she remembered that he’s just a little kid, and she’d have to figure out how to cope knowing that her former best friend (and first crush) is back but that they’re at such different standings in life now. Hell, Phineas and Ferb are probably closer to Little Suzy Johnson’s age than to Isabella, Buford, and Baljeet’s. I think it would really mess with Phineas and Ferb to see their friends so much older and more mature, especially because to them, they’d just been kids building crazy things the day before.

Once again, I think the Fireside Girls would be fine. They probably would have taken in some of the Lil-Sparks-turned-Fireside-Girls like Melissa (not Chase) into their troop to make up for lost members, so the varying ages would be nothing new; they’d just be happy to have their friends back.

tl;dr I think the snap would be heartbreaking and the reunion would be bittersweet and this is the woRST ASK I’VE EVER GOTTEN AND NOW I’M GONNA CRY IN A CORNER FOR A FEW HOURS /j

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vegalocity · 3 years ago

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What would happen if Syntax actually did get cured of the venom? Would he still want to hang around Huntsman and Goliath or would he Think 'huh. Maybe having the people who KIDNAPPED ME around me and my family Probably isn't the best idea.' - Pixel Anon

Uhhhhhhhhhhh yeah I think the answer is Not Good Things Will Happen. I think the answer is ‘Y’all are down an integral clan member hope you didn’t have any plans that hinged on technology or science in general right now.’

Honestly I think you don’t even need to throw Minyi and Xiuying into that equation to make that the answer. Even if you assume Syntax was essentially just alone in the world before spiderfication if he got the spider limbs pulled off and the venom drained from his system, no matter WHAT his Backstory is i think he’d just book it, he’d be OUTTA THERE he is GONE. He’s running before the purple has fully faded from his skin.

And when you THROW IN the ladies, then… well even more so. He’s got Minyi in one arm, a duffel bag in the other and loading into the gd car headed for Xiuying’s cabin to lay low for awhile.

(this gets long so it's under the cut)

Like, most people like to assume that there was a sort of… adjustment period when he had just been spiderfied, usually the flavor of ‘someone (usually Huntsman) reminding him of how he is at his base a human, not a spider, not one of them, and the second he stops being useful is the second he’s only good for how he’ll taste’ and even if he wasn’t afraid of whoever it was in the moment, confident in his ability to manuver extra limbs that aren’t there anymore and speed that wasn’t there either, all the physical additions that being a Spider Demon had are suddenly gone and that threat about being the next meal for the clan suddenly feels a lot more real. Even IF the others had actually grown attached to him and Minyi and even Xiuying, the fact of the matter is if these people decided to kill them all he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.

Something I could see having kind of a ‘disney channel cartoon’ resolution in this setup is a thing idk if i’ve mentioned before involving Minyi or not. Bc Minyi, as i know i have mentioned, fucking HATES Spider Queen, and at first for awhile there she was very vocal about it, she hated that her dad was working for her, she hated that he wanted her approval, and most of all she hated that whenever she’d say any of that to him, he’d just sort of… not listen.

Even when even Minyi knows what she’s talking about is silly or irrational, she never really feels like Daddy isn’t listening. Even when she’s wrong and he has to explain to her what it was that was wrong, she still felt like he was listening to her as she talked. But not this. Never this. Minyi’s an observant child, her plotline hinges on it, so she knows when Adults tune her out, she knows when she’s being condescended to. And when Daddy tells her that of course he wants to stay Loyal to Spider Queen and she’s Really Cool Actually she can tell he wasn’t listening to a word she’d actually said. Because he never mentions forgiving her for stealing him, or that he knows it might look like she pushes him around but he knows he’s always in control of the situation, or anything that would actually ANSWER her questions or settle her worries. She just… might as well have stomped her foot and yelled like she was half her age.

And now that his head is clear he can look back on that and be… embarrassed? guilty? His daughter was warning him that whole time out of honest fear and concern that she only barely had the vocabulary and emotional complexity to understand And he brushed her off as if it was nothing. And to rub some salt into it now that his head is clear and the unrelenting force of the Spider demanding subserviance to the Queen is gone it’s obvious that his fucking six year old was right about his ‘boss’ being bad news. So of course he figures he owes Minyi an apology, but Minyi’s just happy that he’s listening to her again so it’s all okay in the end.

And if this is the Cyberhunt timeline then can I get an F in the chat for Huntsman? Bc he ain’t even getting a breakup scene, i don’t think he’d even get a letter outside of the ‘I’m leaving the clan and leaving the city with my family. Don’t try to find us’ that goes out to all of the clan (maybe even still implying that Syntax DOES still have that Spider amplification in him so it’s not just a flimsy ‘stay away’ from an equally flimsy human)

I could see Syntax as being pretty mad at himself for letting the relationship happen at all in that context. Like yeah, his brain was all scrambled up and he can’t ACTUALLY be held accountable for decisions made with the fact that he wasn’t really in his right mind for the whole thing, but it still happened. But now it’s over, and- and it was just some echo of venom that hadn’t quite metabolized yet that left a bitter taste in his mouth to acknowledge that those people weren’t really friends, that he wasn’t really-... His brain is still re-adjusting, he’ll be fine in time.

Minyi I don't think would quite get certain parts about this, in her mind, the big boss is always the bad guy and the other people around are just as scared of the big boss as the person they’re bullying. So to her only Spider Queen was the bad guy. So when Daddy turned back to normal and said that they weren’t safe from the bad guys anymore and needed to go stay at Auntie Xiuying’s cabin for awhile she’d thought that Uncle Huntsman and Uncle Goliath hadn’t come along simply because Uncle Goliath didn’t fit in the car. That they’d catch up with them soon. Because surely, they’d ALL be running away from the REAL bad guy together.

So, she figures they must have gotten lost and had to head back home. Thats not good, surely that means she needs to help them find their way here like how she helped Daddy find his way home. Auntie and Daddy were both too scared of Spider Queen finding them to contact her uncles, but Minyi knew how to evade that!

She knows Uncle Huntsman likes to hang out at their apartment because he loves Daddy (she’ll keep that to herself for now, grownups don’t believe in happily ever afters) so if she mails a letter to the apartment he might find it when he eventually comes over.

She knows Uncle Huntsman doesn’t like puzzles, but he’s good with them when its something important. So she makes a cipher and writes the letter in it, copies down the decoder, and chops it up into distinct shapes, seals it all up in a letter closes the envelope with a sticker on it, and slips it into the mailbox.

Eventually Huntsman does find the letter, written in childish scrawl, the puzzle to decode the letter, and the knowledge that theres only one child on this entire damn continent that would be this obnoxiously enigmatic about sending a fucking letter.

But whatever, he wasn’t gonna do anything except sit in the apartment surrounded by things left behind and feel sorry for himself--er, that is, scavenge for anything that could be used by the Queen and take advantage of the internal heating. So he may as well do something. So he puts together the decoder, she’d just sliced it into fourths. Then translated the letter.

“Hi Uncle Huntsman! If you’re reading this that means you unlocked my letter! Yay! I knew you could! So I know you and Uncle Goliath want to leave the bad lady’s clan too and I know you’re only not here because you guys got lost.” and she just… gave them the coordinates for the place her family was hiding away. (not REALLY hiding, it wouldn’t have taken much to track down the cabin’s whereabouts through Xiuying, but the secluded nature of the cabin may as well have been)

I guess… the way the story ends depends on how you want it to end. Because Huntsman has three options, but really only two. Does he accept defeat and burn the letter, or does he do something with the information he now has? Either way he’d be betraying the queen, but he doesn’t have it in him to turn in the coordinates of their lost clan member and his family. Not this time.

There’s this youtuber i like called Breadsword, he does movie analysis, and in his video about Millenium Actress he says something along the lines of ‘My favorite moment in a romance is somewhere in the last ten minutes, after we’ve followed our characters through the buildup, payoff, and premature destruction of what they had, as they go their separate ways and come to the conclusion that it wasn’t meant to last, one rejects it and takes flight in pursuit of the other... our dreams and our love are the only things truly worth running in the name of.

#Yeah i think Cyberhunt's gonna pull the win for this timeline #this is some good shit man #letters to vega #OC: Minyi #lmk Syntax #LMK Huntsman #cyberhuntshipping

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a-flickering-soul · 4 years ago

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do kylux for the ask meme 😳 you + me = mental illness

i love you so much for sending this in this truly is the mortifying ordeal of being known

putting this under a readmore because it is LITCHERALLY 1.2k words because i am literally clawing at the walls of my enclosure about these two

ANYWAYS go ahead and send me a character and i’ll give you some headcanons bc im having fun doing these!!!

Kylo Ren

Sexuality Headcanon: ambiguously queer. Don’t make me think about him having sex he makes me so angry

Gender Headcanon: he Must be a cis man. He has so much mommy issues. He is such an incel. He is so full of toxic masculinity. He must be a cis man.

A ship I have with said character: Kylux. Every single angle you take this ship from it’s funny and good. Canon—they hate each other and want each other dead. AU—they still hate each other but they’re (probably) less fascist and genocidal. It’s just so funny. They are so obsessed with each other. They gaslight each other into love confessions. It’s unreal. I’ve been thinking about Kylux for the past month and I feel like an entire geological age has passed. You can tell I’m a Kylux shipper and a R*ylo anti because I almost exclusively refer to him as Ren instead of Kylo. The gay angel went to superhell for Kylux to go canon in Lego Star Wars (twice) and a kids’ comic book. God mocks me to my face.

A BROTP I have with said character: This got literally shot to shit but post-TFA when a bunch of people headcanoned Rey as Luke’s kid and she and Ren were cousins and he reluctantly babysat her because he was literally ten years older than her (hhhhh.) and they had this weird mildly-contentious relationship as adults where they grudgingly acknowledge they are both the most powerful Force users in the galaxy and are the only ones who mutually understand the legacy they bear and care about each other but also cannot be in the same room together and hold a civil conversation for more than five minutes before resorting to uncomfortable silence. Like when you’re at a family reunion and you’re automatically shunted with the only other kid around your age so you have to make conversation but you are just so fundamentally different there’s nothing to talk about. Unreal.

A NOTP I have with said character: Hhh. R*ylo. I’m one of those evil lesbians who hate that ship viciously and one of my dreams is to be one of the mean antis that that bully a shipper in a story that’s clearly exaggerated or made up and then get cancelled for having good taste.

A random headcanon: I think he and Phasma used to spar a lot. I keep thinking about the five years he spent on the Finalizer pre-canon and I can’t reasonably justify the Knights of Ren hanging out with him for the entire time on a literal military ship and I like the idea of them being the only people that are reasonably on par physically (I also like how Phasma is an inch taller than him because....whew).

General Opinion over said character: God. He drives me wild. I have a lot of thoughts about him and how good he was in TFA and the pre-canon comics/novels as a really fucking good example of a morally-conflicted villain (especially the comics where it made it really clear that he was very much manipulated and gaslit since like…ten years old). Like! The way he could flip at will from drawing strength from both the light AND dark side of the Force is just!! So cool! The way his strength literally derives from moral conflict is just really interesting to me but….idk the way post-TFA he was thrown into a redemption (Rendemption) arc that hinged on Rey being a literal genuine fascist sympathizer made me just really disappointed. He had a lot of amazing potential to be either a really interesting semi-redeemed Byronic antihero OR a full on unhinged animalistic power-mad villain that Rey has to mercy-kill like a rabid dog. And then. Well. Yeah. I like him a lot in very specific contexts and flat out hate him in most others.

Armitage Hux

Sexuality Headcanon: gay! He is gay! I have an entire list of reasons why he’s gay and it grows daily! Without a doubt a homosexual! Gay and repressed!

Gender Headcanon: Also a cis guy even though I still do have a lot of half-formed thoughts about gender in the First Order/post-collapse of the Empire society.

A ship I have with said character: Kylux! Again! I’m obsessed with how obsessed Hux is with Ren. He hates him so much it’s unreal. I keep reading the novelizations and thinking so fucking hard about how consumed Hux is with hatred for this one man. He’s so repressed. He’s so damaged. It’s unreal. The brainworms in my head have metamorphosed into moths and they’re flapping their wings so hard they’re disintegrating my grey matter. I think near-daily about how he personally went down to retrieve Ren from the collapse of Starkiller Base and yet would not touch him to drag him to shelter in the Hux graphic novel. Would you take off your glove to check his pulse or would you attempt to feel it through the leather and touch something’s dead skin rather than his living warmth. I’m so deeply unwell.

A BROTP I have with said character: Him and Phasma!!! The way they are on first-name terms with each other….the way one of the few times in the graphic novels you see him smile is when Phasma comes back onto the base…..the way they plotted to kill Brendol together….truly evil mlm/wlw solidarity you simply love to see it

A NOTP I have with said character: Oof I see a lil bit of shipping him with Resistance members (I think I’ve seen him with Rose and also Poe??) and I know TROS made the decision to have him defect from the First Order (out of. again. his obsessive hatred with another man. writing choices.) but it makes me INSANELY uncomfortable seeing people of color being shipped with a literal fascist parody of British colonialism and imperialism lmao like….just ship Kylux bro they’re mutually bad people AND a power couple

A random headcanon: Frankly at this point I joke so much about how much like a sick Victorian orphan he looks like that I could write an entire fake medical file for him but I’ll spare you all and simply say that I am incredibly partial to the headcanon that Hux is a freak that bites string cheese instead of peeling it like a normal person. Also…the implications that he Personally placed the tracker in Ren’s belt rather than someone else, so that he alone could keep tabs on him…..I’m unwell. Enough.

General Opinion over said character: If Ren is a character I love to hate, Hux is a character I hate that I love. I just. I can’t stop thinking about this gay little war criminal. It truly, genuinely baffles the mind how much information there is about him. It triggers that same little part of my brain that goes wild over like. ARGs and stuff. There’s just so much lore. With every new piece of canon or semi-canon information I learn about him I can feel my grip on sanity slipping. He owns a black robe. He has a personal hitman in the First Order ranks to poison people he doesn’t like. He drinks tea. He’s a bastard son. He’s great with kids. He was in charge of a squad of feral orphan child soldiers at five years old. I just. I just don’t get it. I’m enamored with him. His compulsive attention to grooming. His hubris. His ambition. How literally unhinged he is (the “rabid cur” line genuinely lives in my head rent free). The way he systemically killed every single person who saw him weak and abused as a child. There’s just so much to talk about with him. He’s so evil. He’s so fucked up. I love him so deeply. He is such a horrible person and he is so fun to make fun of and he is so fun to think about. God wants there to be a bullet in my head so badly.

#im so unwell this is SO LONG #sam you did NOT sign up for this king im so so fucking sorry #star wars #huxposting #answered #i literally love you for sending this in im so sorry this is incoherent im in hell #tsukkimutual #kylux

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the-satellite · 4 years ago

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Hello nobody but me gives a shit but I'm in a mood so here's my kinda ridiculously detailed headcanons for the Marble Hornets boys' families bc if the boys wont give em canon families I will

Alex

Undeniably a single child, one was all his parents needed no matter how much he begged for siblings. Had loads of cousins tho, first and second gen.

P good relationship with his parents! They supported his hobbies and passions well enough, they didn't divorce, honestly he's the luckiest one here in terms of family ngl.

Casually religious, a last supper painting here, a cross there. Service on Sunday and you could do whatever after that. Most of that free time was spent with an old recorder doing skits with whatever cousin visited that day.

His dad definitely wishes he was more sporty but like whatever makes you happy buddy. Mom was very excited when he moved out bc she wanted to run a b&b.

Doesn't know what happened and probably gave up after a year. He might've just moved. They still have a missing persons poster at the local gas station. It's the little hope ya know?

Brian

Oldest of three, had 2 younger sisters. Total bastard of an older brother but god he loved them. Nobody loved like Brian loved his sisters. Called em everyday in college.

Parents were emotionally neglectful bc I project. They provided a house and food and clothes but if Bri wanted praise for his lead role in the school play or the middle girl needed therapy kiddos were SOL.

Lived in a city and moved south just before the middle girl was born. If theres a trailer park in Alabama someone in there remembers the Thomas' without fail, usually bc a kid bullied one of the girls and got rocks in the window via Brian.

All the kids are a lil brain weird. Brian has empathy related issues and is extremely vengeful, the middle girl is obsessive and emotionally fragile, and the youngest is mute and detached from her own humanity.

Parents stopped trying to figure out where he went after like a month. He's an adult his choice. The middle became a journalist and specializes in old missing persons cases. The youngest ran away bc the entire environment was going to kill her.

Jay

Younger of two boys, had an older brother he was extremely close to as a child, but they kinda fell into passive contact when the older boy moved out. Kinda rekindled once Jay hit college

Parents split when he was p little, it was amicable and the boys mostly stuck with their mom and saw their dad every other weekend and visited on most holiday breaks.

Family's kinda halfway loaded via inheritance, they have the ability to live upper middle class but nobody wanted to move and eating out makes Jay anxious so they didn't change their lifestyle much. Zebra cakes for days in the cupboard tho

Absolute mama's boy, adored his mother. It wasn't that he didn't like his dad his dad was good he just vibes harder with his mom. Misses her alot in college.

After some time of radio silence they got a mystery call from a random number about his death, they got him a grave they mourned and learned to live again. Didn't get the body tho.

Tim

Only child and a complete accident. His mother supposedly a single woman in the middle of the bible belt you think this kid was planned? Absolutely not hes the ultimate unwanted mistake.

Had a single mother who was literally the exact same circumstance except everyone knew her father was a high ranking church member. Nobody knows who Tim's father was but mom says kiddo looks alot like him. Alabamians don't learn /j.

Honestly was barely raised by his mom, he was mostly taken care of by teachers at school and later nurses. She was so absent Tim can't even remember her face or voice, he'd be able to pick it out if asked but can't bring it up on his own.

His family doesn't have much history of the mental health issues he has. No documentation of dissociation, hallucinations, suicidal tendencies, none of it. Its theorized to be from the dad's side.

The two haven't spoken since Tim was in like 5th grade, she doesn't know shit and probably doesn't want to. She loses her mind with grief when she looks him up out of curiosity one day and finds the channel. Her son killed a man. Her son probably killed himself. How do you cope with that?

#marble hornets #marble hornets headcanons #alex kralie #brian thomas #jay merrick #tim wright #tw suicide mention #nova transmits #the youngest Thomas is actual kinda important in my cpverse

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lyssismagical · 4 years ago

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Hey, you know... if you ever wanted to write another Parkner glee au (bc i found the other two you wrote and I'm obsessed) I think the Bash episode in s5 would be pretty cool. If you can't swing it, that's fine. Just a suggestion but mostly good job I love what you've done with the others 💖💖💖

Glee AU #3 – Bash (S5 ep15)

{TW: Homophobia, Violence}

Ever since they moved to Boston together, things had been relatively calm. There hadn’t been any conflicts between any of the roommates, no terrible injuries, no issues with moving out, they’d been happily enjoying the adult life.

Harley and Peter were going to MIT, MJ going to Harvard, and Ned at Tufts University.

They were living in a decently nice apartment not far from all three of their campuses, and close to where Betty, Ned’s girlfriend, was going, Yale.

It was theirs in a way that most things weren’t. They paid for it all on their own, and they were continuing to pay rent, pay their bills, and buy groceries all with their own hard-earned money.

For Harley, the best thing about the past couple months in Boston was Peter.

They’d been dating since Junior year and now they’re living together, sleeping in the same bed, going to school together, having date nights all the time.

At first, MJ had said, quiet and concerned, that she was worried this would be too much for their relationship. She’d always been observant, and it was true that they were used to a lot of time apart. Especially with Harley spending the summers in Tennessee and Peter spending most nights Spider-Manning, they’d never really spent this long together.

But their relationship flourished.

Instead of feeling claustrophobic in their relationship, they basked in the time they could spend together.

They had more arguments, but they had a lot more time to communicate their problems and work through them. They were good for each other in that way.

The peace they’d all been basking in made it so surprising when the first headline appeared before them.

A friend of a friend was in the hospital after being beaten up in an alleyway, left unconscious in the rain, simply for being gay.

Peter hadn’t been Spider-Man in months. After Mysterio the summer before and the additional stress of moving to Boston and MIT, he’d made a deal with May and Tony that he’d put Spider-Man on the backburner unless absolutely necessary.

Everybody had expected, sitting around their dining room table, newspaper laid out on the center of the table, that Peter would be swinging through the streets to bring justice.

Instead, Harley found Peter in their bed, blankets tugged over his head like he was hiding from the horrors of the world.

“You okay, darling?” Harley asks gently. He sits on the edge of the bed and waits patiently as Peter slowly pulls the blankets off his head.

“No,” he says, eyes wide and glossy. “I know Travis wasn’t the only one with that way of thinking, but I guess it felt like the world was righter after Travis had changed for the better.”

Harley silently curses himself. Of course a headline like that would bring back unwanted high school memories.

Travis Wright had bullied Peter for three years, even going as far as threatening to kill Peter after he’d kissed Peter. A year or so later, after Harley and Peter had met, Travis had found Peter again, had admitted to being gay himself, had been projecting his own internalized homophobia on Peter, and told Peter he was becoming a better person.

“I’m so sorry, honey,” Harley murmurs, tugging Peter into a hug. “I promise you, you’ll be okay. We’ll keep you safe. We can have MJ’s boyfriend bodyguard you or something. Or we could even call Happy, get a real bodyguard-”

“I’m Spider-Man, Harls, I’m my own protection. I just- I worry about you. I know you’ve always been the kind of guy to fight back and you’re strong, but these guys- they’re always stronger and I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

Harley smiles gently at his boyfriend, kissing his forehead. “Is this the perfect excuse for you to walk me to class in the morning? I wouldn’t mind riding the subway with you.”

It’s a silly kind of joke to be making in such a scary time, but Harley’s always been the kind of person to make badly timed jokes.

It does it’s job, though. Peter offers a watery smile and links their hands together.

Peter does end up walking Harley from class to class, even if it means being late for his own, and even if it means nearly losing his job when he’s late.

He’d do anything to keep Harley safe, that had never been a question.

Except for the small fact that Peter’s a busy guy. He’s always been the kind of person to fill his workload to the very brim, to never give himself even a second of spare time.

So he’s not too surprised when one of the days, he’s waiting just inside the autoshop he works at, waiting for Peter to show up, when MJ hops out of a taxi instead.

“Peter called,” she explains, looping their arms together to start their trek back to their apartment.

If anybody threatening shows up in their path, they can just pretend to be dating instead, so neither of them are very worried about anything happening. And either way, it’s only a fifteen minute walk back to the apartment.

“Did he get caught up?” Harley asks, not a hint of anger or disappointment in his voice.

“A coworker asked him to cover her shift because her sister got in an accident. You know how he is. He called me on his break, very flustered and asked if I could walk you home.”

Harley frowns. “I’m capable of taking care of myself.”

“He knows that,” she says, squeezing his arm. “He’s just protective and he worries about you, about all of us, really. He’s even had Ned being careful not to take any shady routes home after classes.”

They make it home without any problem, unsurprisingly. Ned’s sitting on their couch, video game controller in hand. Betty’s stretched across the cushions, head in her boyfriend’s lap. She’s staying the long weekend at their apartment.

Harley immediately makes his way to the kitchen to start making dinner, and he hears MJ talking to Betty and Ned in the living room.

Maybe that’s why, when the call comes, it’s such a surprise.

It’s supposed to be a domestic, sweet Friday night with the five of them, eating Harley’s homemade dinner and bickering about which movie to watch.

It’s supposed to be the kind of night where everyone turns in early from a long week of hard work, followed by a late Saturday morning breakfast of Peter’s wonderful pancakes and MJ’s expensive coffee.

It’s supposed to be followed by Saturday Dinner Potluck where Flash and Harry come to visit, and Gwen sometimes makes it out to join them, and everyone makes a bit of food to share.

That’s not how it goes.

It’s late and the four of them are half-asleep around the living room, not worried about their missing fifth member, unsure when he’ll make it back from his late shift.

Harley’s phone rings from the kitchen, just loud enough to heard over the Friends episode that plays on the TV, more background noise to their hushed conversations than anything.

Harley extracts himself from the couch, coaxing MJ’s legs out of his lap and Ned’s head from his shoulder, socked feet padding quietly across the hardwood to the kitchen.

“Hello?”

As soon as the news is delivered, he slips into one of the breakfast bar stools, heart pounding in his chest as he utters a quick goodbye, fingers moving to dial Harry.

Harry, living just a few hours away in his own house with his boyfriend, answers his ringing phone, assuming wrongly that it’ll be Harley confirming Saturday Potluck.

Flash stirs against his chest when Harry drops his phone in horror and surprise at the news.

Tony’s asleep when his phone rings.

Pepper and Morgan are sleeping on the couch next to him, the credits of a Disney movie rolling on the TV.

The news is told before he can even get out a greeting.

He wakes Pepper, tears already shining in his eyes.

May’s working a night shift when she gets the call. It’s late and the worry spikes faster than imaginable. She’s gotten too many late night calls from any of the kids to know what it means.

The news still makes tears spring to her eyes and her knees go weak.

Harley’s been pacing the waiting room for nearly two hours by the time Harry and Flash burst through the doors, faces echoing Harley’s panic.

“Is he okay? What happened?” Flash demands, hands trembling as he grabs Harry’s and squeezes tight.

Harley opens his mouth to explain the story he got from the man who talked to them earlier, but nothing comes out.

“There’s been a few attacks recently,” MJ says, materializing at his side, hand on his shoulder. “A group of people who aren’t happy with the positive changes with gay rights who’ve been targeting people. I guess… There was this guy, Charlie, who was getting attacked in an alleyway, and- you know Peter. He’s never been the kind of person to stand by while someone else is in trouble.”

“Is he going to be okay?” Harry asks, paling when Harley and MJ are quiet for too long.

Harley swallows thickly. “He should be. He’s got Spider-Man on his side, and Charlie called the cops as soon as he got away. But the group, one of them pulled a gun.”

The boyfriends sink into a set of chairs across from them, knuckles white where they hold hands.

“But is going to be okay?” Flash’s voice is shaking almost as badly as his hands. “This isn’t even close to the first time he’s been shot.”

Before Harley can give an answer, not that he can really think of anything good to say, a nurse comes out of Peter’s room.

“Parker family?”

They must look like a strange bunch. Harley, MJ, Betty, Ned, Harry, and Flash, but the nurse barely even blinks when they turn to her.

“Is he going to be okay?” Flash repeats.

The nurse smiles. Not one of those plain and sad, sympathetic smiles, the kind of smiles that Harley was given when he was told his dad was never coming back. The kind of smiles that he was given when the principal at his first school told him there was nothing he could do about cruel words.

It’s not that.

It’s a genuine, good news smile.

“Yeah, he’s going to be just fine. His body’s still working through the anesthetics from the surgery, but everything went well and he’s all patched up. You can go in to see him, but I’d recommend not crowding his room when he wakes up.”

All eyes immediately turn to Harley. He’s Peter’s boyfriend, he’s not exactly sure if that takes priority over best friends, but he understands that they’re giving him the opportunity to see Peter first and his heart warms.

He nods quickly, thanking the nurse as quick as his clumsy tongue will let him, and his shoulders finally relax.

“He’s in room 248 whenever you’re ready.”

The nurse smiles once more before she heads back down the hallway she came from.

“Are you sure?” Harley asks when the two couples sit down again.

MJ smiles, patting at his shoulder. “Go see him. Come get us when you’re ready to. We’ll all be okay waiting for a little while longer.”

That’s all the reassurance he needs before he hurries down the hallway, awkwardly trying not to sprint, but desperate to see his boyfriend as quickly as he can.

He barely manages to slow himself when he bursts into Peter’s hospital room, eyes wide and burning with tears.

This is the one downside with being in love with Peter Parker.

Having to get used to seeing his loved one in a hospital bed too often, even if it’s never for very long. With Peter’s enhanced healing, he’s never been in the hospital for more than a couple days, but it also makes him think he’s invincible and jump into fights without a second thought.

Even now, in a scenario where Peter was supposed to be walking home from a shift at work, where he was supposed to join them in their living room, maybe offer to crack open a bottle of wine for them, snuggle up against Harley’s side.

Even then, Peter ended up in the hospital.

How much is the world going to throw at him for simple existing? How unfair is the universe for throwing this at him too?

Harley finally moves, eyes unable to stop staring at the cuts and bruises that litter his love’s pale skin.

He carefully slides into the space next to Peter in the bed, tears burning at his eyes as he gently presses a kiss to Peter’s temple.

“Nothing’s going to harm you, not while I’m around,” he promises.

He presses his nose against Peter’s neck, tucking his head in the crook of Peter’s shoulder, and he tries not to make it too obvious when the tears fall.

Harley jerks awake when he feels a kiss to his cheek.

His eyes dart around the room, remembering where he is and why, and the pain sparks in his chest, nothing physical but something so deeply emotional because his Peter was hurt.

“Hi,” Peter says, squinting up at Harley. His cuts have mostly healed, red lines left in their wake. The bruises have gone from the scary hues of black and purple down to softer yellows and greens. He’s half-smiling but there’s something awfully wrong about it.

“Are you feeling okay?” Harley asks, immediately regretting the words. “I mean, obviously you’re not, but I just- I don’t know-”

Peter winces and he rests his mouth against Harley’s jaw for a long moment to compose himself.

Eventually, he sighs and says, “I’ve been shot before and this isn’t my first being beaten up, that’s for sure. It’s not even my first time being beaten up for being bisexual. That was pretty much my whole junior year.”

Harley nods silently, gently threading his fingers through Peter’s hair. They’re close enough together, squished up in the hospital bed, that Harley can see the flush of Peter’s cheeks and the tears that pool in his eyes.

“But this felt so different. Travis, at least he knew me, right? He was never going to kill me, despite the threats he made. He was just a scared kid, you know? Those people, they saw a guy with a rainbow pin on his bag, and they wanted to kill him. They saw me protecting him, and they wanted to kill me too. That’s not- That’s not right.”

“It’s not,” Harley agrees because he isn’t sure what else he’s supposed to say. “I know, but Charlie, the guy you saved, he gave a full statement to the police, and it should be enough to track those people down and have them arrested.”

Peter sniffles, chin wobbling. “I’ve just never been that scared before. I was so worried for you that I wasn’t even thinking about me when I was walking home that night. I thought- I guess I thought I’d be okay because I’m Spider-Man. But I wasn’t Spider-Man.”

“I’m so sorry,” Harley says. He kisses his boyfriend’s forehead, grabbing his hand and threading their fingers together. Peter’s knuckles are busted, blood still staining his fingers.

Peter’s released from the hospital that night.

He’s still weak and beyond tired, but he throws on a brave smile as Harley helps him up and into the sweatpants and t-shirt MJ brought for them.

Harley hails them a taxi and he never lets go of Peter’s hand for the whole trip home.

“You okay?” Harley asks for the thousandth time when they reach their apartment door.

“I love you,” Peter says instead, kissing Harley before he smiles. “I’m good, I’m alright.”

Harley opens the door and leads Peter into the apartment.

The dining room, kitchen, and living room are all filled with people.

May, Gwen, Tony, Pepper, and Morgan made the four hour road trip to Boston. Harry, Flash, and Betty are still hanging around. Ned and MJ are setting the dining room table. Abbie and Macy got the nearest flight from Tennessee.

There’s food laid out across the table and MJ spots them first, lighting up in a smile.

“Saturday Night Potluck,” she explains, jogging over to pull Peter into a tight hug. “Don’t you ever do that to me again, you hear me?”

“No promises,” Peter says, but he’s smiling brightly and he looks so much younger, worry lines smoothing out and the nicks and faded bruises look more like tricks of the light, not a traumatic experience painted so much deeper than his skin.

Tony’s there next, but he doesn’t take it as well. “Are you kidding me, Parker?”

Harley can tell the anger comes from the right place, and he rolls his eyes. “You couldn’t wait even one day to reprimand him?”

“Was I stupid to think you’d be safe here?” Tony demands, completely ignoring Harley. “Was it stupid of me to think that sending you off to University would mean you’d be safe? What were you thinking, Parker? What if they’d all had guns, huh? What if- They could’ve killed you.”

“I know.” The smile’s faded from his face and it makes Harley want to punch Tony. “But I’ve been dealing with these kinds of people for as long as I can remember. I’ve got my healing, Tony. I can’t just stand by when things like this happens.”

Tony’s expression crumples and he tugs Peter into his arms. “Please, for the sake of my old heart, please don’t do anything like that again. I can’t handle getting anymore calls like that, okay?”

Peter squeezes Tony, but doesn’t bother making that promise.

Everyone knows, all too well, that Peter’s guilt complex mixed with his heroic compassion, he’d never be able to give up helping people. It’s just what he does.

“Saturday Night Potluck!” Ned calls out, arms spread wide to show off the arrangement of too many lawn chairs around their much too small table, covered in different dishes and foods. “Come eat!”

Harley smiles and wraps an arm protectively around Peter’s waist to lead him to the table.

Life is about weighing the good with the bad, and Peter, despite having been through so much bad, still has plenty of good constantly surrounding him.

He has his strange, inexplicable family. He has Saturday Night Potlucks and Friday movie nights. He has this.

Harley squeezes his hand.

He’s still here, still standing, still going to view the world in the same optimistic, hopeful way that he always has despite everything that’s told him not to, still going to stand strong and brave, still going to stand up for what he believes in despite the consequences he might face, still going love because love is enough to conquer hate.

He’s still here.

Taglist: @littlemissagrafina @spideygirl2003 @romeoandjulietyouwish @c-artara @shadedrose01 @likeaphoenix13 @pj-hermes-tonystark-obsessed @you-get-killed-walk-it-off @kitkatwinchester @emo-girl10

#lyss writes #lyss answers #glee au #parkner #irondad #glee #thompsborn #peter parker #tony stark #harley keener #michelle jones #parley #harley keener/peter parker #parkner fic #i wrote this mostly at 2am and kinda drunk so pls excuse any mistakes lmao oops #klaine au #the bash episode makes me cry a heck of a lot #blaine singing not while i'm around just his voice makes me cry oof

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lemon-ty · 3 years ago

Text

While I have no time to draw I found that thing from twitter and I don't think it would be bad if I post at least anything till I'll be free to draw?? and let's say that's just one another post before I'll finally add some of It in my blog

I'll just answer all in one post let's go, guys

(Movies & mini series & book mixed)

1. Favorite female character

I don't think there're a lot of 'em lol. But

Patricia Uris

That's right, not Beverly. Patti has one(!) chapter and somehow I fell in love with her character while reading it. She's got her own story before Stan and she's got a very very very beautiful relationships with him.

(I'm so in love with Uris family I mean whyyyy can't I just have some Stan with his pretty wife and a CHILD THANK U VERY MUCH)

2. Favorite male character

RICHIE

I'm just in love with him he's perfect next

3. Worst character

Bill?

OK, let's talk about it. I was kinda neutral to everyone in the Loser club except Richie for a year or more. Then while being in fandom I fell in love with these guys like with everyone of 'em concluding Bill. But when I decided to actually read a book... why is he so stupid and careless and fjligvdsvfuklugxseggh

Moron.

I really tried not to be "of course u let kid go alone what will happen right??" but this.fucking.weather.this.fucking.fact.that.Georgie.told.him.he.was.about.to.go.to.the.closed.area.u.know.closed.bc.it.was.dangerous.to.go.there like BOY, u killed ur brother when he stepped out of the house HAVE U EVEN LOOKED TO THE WINDOW???? Was it ur plan how to get rid of him bc he was clever and better than u and everyone loved him more? Bc if it was, well, congratulations! it worked not like u expected but still worked!

I'm bullying Bill Denbro in my house I wish for the alternative version with George as a main character instead of him-

4. Favorite scene

Richie and Beverly dancing together

I LOVE their friendship they're like BEST BROTP EVER

I love all their interactions and I find it SO ADORABLE they danced together I always think about it ...about 'em

5. Favorite member of the Loser club

Well, again? Fine. RICHIE

6. Original or remake?

I'd say book? But if we're talking only about films when of course remake

I saw mini series some time ago and that was cute and had a lot from the book (and abult Eddie-) but it was so naive and looked kinda stupid (sorry everyone but I'm the new auditory and I can't get that seriously especially after new films) while new films... Weeelll...

Let's be honest, I saw It 2017 only bc of James McAvoy in the second chapter and I found it boring. And then the second part I found more like a comedy than horror. I didn't like films that time but I liked characters (Richie). Some weeks ago I rewathed both It 2017 and It 2019 and second one is still too long and a comedy but first I found interesting

So remake is great at least on the second time watching and that's enough

7. Reddie?

Reddie is always the answer it's never a question cuz the answer is YES all the answers YES

8. Ben of Bill?

Oh that's a question for me and my hate to Bill!

Ben OF COURSE

Not only bc I hate Bill, Ben is awesome himself. In films he was more leader for the Losers that Bill and Mike like together?? And have u seen that he did fo Henry in the book? Damn boy u're way too cool slow down

9. Best ship

Look question 7

10. Worst ship

OK it took a lot time to find the one bc I don't think there's any ship I would actually hate or smth but if thiiink Bill × Beverly

First, bc Bill?? Seriously?? Go and find someone better, my girl

Second, bc Ben and Bev have much more chemistry (god, Richie and Bev have more chemistry and this tells the person who would kill for reddie)

11. Book or movie?

Book

(and if u say the book is too big I swear I-)

12. Tim or Bill as Pennywise

Why do u need to ask such difficult questions?? I mean, I love every version of Pennywise no matter if it's book or 1990 or 2017-2019 they all are great in their own ways

So both Tim and Bill have an extreme charisma, different but equal in power

I like Tim's Penny bc he's simple and warm I mean c'mon I would definetly hug him or anything and die happy, I mean, he just got ur trust??? And I like how bad effects make him seams not like an awful monster who will eat u but like a friendly mischief (listen me up: he makes sink dirty right after Bev cleaned it up like phhhhhhhhahaha really u're a moron u know). Yeah, that's not that Pennywise is meant to be but that's adorable

And I love Bill's version bc he does look scary (in a some way, of course). Yeah yeah new effects are doing their work and the costume is less friendly than Tim's but the most important is Bill's acting. His mimic and expressions are perfect he fits this role way too good. And, damn, he's so funny like... Yeah, I'd spend my last minutes with him he's great, that would be the most hilarious death I could ever get

So... can I just say both??

13. Funniest character

Do u really see this as a question??

Richie. The funniest guy ever. I would go to his stand-up. I would buy his merch. I would buy hi- AHEMAHEM

Seriously, I found him irritating watching 1st movie first time but after 2d started I've changed my mind he's a diamond that makes films better like he's the only reason I didn't fall asleep while watching 2d part

14. Worst character fear

OK, let's say we don't count the book here. Bc, u know, the fears in the book was, well, like actually kid's fears. Like someone just saw a horror film great now they've got a deep emotional trauma that's like kids work.

So saying about movies...

Stan

Does anyone really got what's wrong with that painting?? I mean???? Just an art what's wrong with u, Stan, do u like... hate art???

I do not get it, plz, if u do, just explain me bc I have no fucking idea why should it be a normal fear that's stupid

15. Favorite actor from the film

James McAvoy

Like I said I went to this fandom ONLY bc of him

16. Favorite adult character

Do u think they grew up and anything changed? Hell no!

Richie

Forever Richie

17. Worst encounter with Pennywise

None? I really can't name u anything bc they all are great at leeeeast bc of Pennywise taking part in it. The scene with him can NOT be worst

(but still-

Eddie's such a stupid brave boy like WHY does he always need to go to scary deadly places I mean are u going to die of what????)

(in the book he just decided that was a great idea to actually try to get into the Neibolt house like ????????????????? U FUCKING BRAVE IDIO-)

18. Worst jump scare

I don't pay attention to any jump scares sorry

None

But I can name my fav! Mrs. Kersh. Not bc she's scary but SO FUNNY OMG

(and in mini series she IS scary, yeah...)

19. Favorite quote

Everything Richie says

20. Least favorite ship

Stanbro

This ship is really great: there're reasons why it's existing and the ship dynamic is good but... I hhhaaaateeee Biiilllllly. And that's the whole problem, yes. Blame me but I can't love otp if I don't like one of the characters

21. Favorite fan account

Don't follow any

22. Favorite Pennywise quote

Is he saying anything??

Alright-alright I know how it looks. "U say u love Penny but don't remember any of the words he's saying". Yes! All I remember is that everything he says is cool but, yeah, sorry, I have nothing in my head

23. Best friendship

RICHIE TOZIER

BEVERLY MARSH

24. Richie or Bill?

Who the fuck will choose Bill?????? Richie's the best

I mean, u want me to choose between my fav one and the one I hate most? really?

25. Eddie or Ben?

Not lying to u that's a difficult question. I like both of 'em so I needed a list with +s and -s of each one

Eddie:

+ Jack Dilan Grayser's face

+ the thing with hand

+ u can joke about his mom

+ s.h.o.r.t.s

+ he's mean I like ppl like that (I'm person like that)

+ can kill u with the knife just stuck in his cheek

+ healer

+ brave as hell

- he's SO loud

- non human speed of talking

- most of the time he's a wimp, let's be honest

- DEAD

- has scary tendencies of amputation everything

- not Riche's husband somehow

- mindlessly brave as hell

- FIVE

- PARAGRAPHS

- OF

- OBSCURE

- MEDICINE

- STUFF

in his very first chapter

Ben:

+ an architect (i concider all of 'em like gods)

+ punctual. If he said he'll be in ur bar on Saturday when he'll be doesn't matter he's in London right now

+ I tell u he's a hidden leader

+ can drink and stay sober

+ HE

+ PUNCHED

+ HENRY'S

+ BALLS

- wrote a haiku I don't like haiku

- minuses are ended

So Ben has less +s but less -s if u compare to his +s. So, sorry, Eds, but Ben

26. Funniest scene

Every with Richie

27. Least favorite male characters

I can't just say Bill again, right? Or I caaan???

Bill

28. Most underrated character

MIKE

I see ppl love every character even the once that has really small time (STAN) but I haven't seen so much ppl loving Mike. Everyone kinda... forgot about him?? What an irony

29. Favorite edit

Every with Richie

30. Is fack real?

Plz don't ship real ppl

#it #it 1990 #it 2017 #it 2019 #it challenge #the losers club #pennywise

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wonderland-irwin · 4 years ago

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Oh God now what's going on in 5sos land? I stg we claim to call ourselves the "5sosfam" but we act more like a manipulative attention hungry ignorant family more often than we act like a loving and supportive family. and when I say w "we" I pretty much mean the Twitter and hell even the Instagram stans bc us Tumblr peeps don't act like those peeps

Anon, I’m about to RANT. I hope you’re prepared haha. Sorry this is gonna be more than you probably wanted but I’m so fed up with it!

I am worried about the boys. Nothing new has happened all the allegations have either been proven false or a potential accident. I just worry about their mental health, their relationship as friends, brothers, and a band. And I fear their statement and what they may say. I have all my faith in them and their innocence, and if it comes out that they weren’t, I will have nothing left. I am trying not to think of that. I know that if one goes, all go. And I pray it doesn’t happen. I don’t think it will, but I live with this disaster named anxiety, and it’s putting that in my head.

I believe in them. I believe in them so much it hurts.

Anyways. Fandom.

This is not a family. When it began and maybe there were 500 fans of 5 Seconds of Summer who were all loving and supportive of the four members and each other, maybe it was a family. What this mess is now? Not a family.

Family doesn’t cancel people based on rumours and allegations without knowing the full extent of the story. Family doesn’t attack family member’s loved ones. Family doesn’t favour family members over another.

This fandom is toxic. Twitter and Instagram fandom is where it spends most of its time burning.

People praise Luke for apologizing and then bash Michael saying his apology isn’t good enough.

Then there’s the whole girlfriend thing. They are happy! All of them with whoever their partner is, are happy. Can’t you accept that? It’s not your right to tell them who they can and can’t date!

Fans are supposed to bring artists up, not down.

The band and so many of their fans struggle with mental health and all this fandom does is bash each other.

Even at shows. I’ve heard people bash the boys, each other, and I think I have yet to attend a 5SOS show where I haven’t been called a botch for some reason. Sorry I’m 5’7”. Sorry I was pushin past trying to find my sister.

And then Abigail. Don’t get me started on Abigail. She is irrelevant and looking for attention she doesn’t deserve! They didn’t even date!

Also, stop calling their girlfriends and ex’s names. Okay? They have names, and I get you may not like them, but that’s harassment and bullying. Sure they’ve made mistakes, everybody has, but try and be the bigger person then.

Also, who cares about the age difference!! If you, were twenty and dating Ashton, he turns 26 in July! That’s six years! Seriously who cares, if they are both legal, consenting adults, then it’s fine.

ALSO: the reason a lot of people remained neutral in the allegation situation is because those boys mean fucking everything to so many people it’s not easy to say good bye. It wouldn’t be. And with the amount of allegations that turned out false, I’m glad I didn’t rush to a side. I stayed neutral until I got the facts. I agree you have to believe the victim, but this was too much.

A L S O : I believe the entire situation was handled wrong. They should not be dealing with that online. Get lawyers. Please. This was so incredibly dangerous!!

ANOTHER THING: you have no right to “expose” anyone. Cancel culture is sick and disgusting and unless you are perfect, which you are not, you have no right. Call out people, yes, but not like how it was done Friday. That was disgusting.

I feel like I forgot something... anyways.

In conclusion, I’m sorry I ranted. All this has been bothering me. I hate most of this fandom except tumblr. I am scared and worried about the boys. I hope they are okay. They mean the world to me.

Ashton, Calum, Luke & Michael all deserve better than this.

#anon #5sos drama #i ranted #im sorry

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faedawayyy · 4 years ago

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A Useless Guide to the Carmichaels

DISCLAIMER: this is a bunch of headcanons that i’ve come up with. OBVIOUSLY since synn and katie and nadine and meg in a way have characters that are tied to their family...BUt these are my original headcanons for the family, so if things aren’t quite right or sound different, it’s bc they’re my most developed family and it’s the way i’ve written them in canon verse!

SYLVIA CARMICHAEL - GRANDMOTHER

sylvia’s family are russian and came over to england after the war. her father was a general and her mother was a seamstress and she was raised in a very, very conservative and upper-class family. she went and studied at st andrews in edinburgh and that’s where she met hank carmichael, who her father always pushed her towards from the moment he knew of him. sylvia carries a lot of her family values and clashed with her GEN X kids because their ideologies were so different. for example, she sturggled edwin’s sexuality and oliver’s more liberal mannerisms. it doesn’t stop her from trying to “guide” her grandchildren.

HANK CARMICHAEL - GRANDMOTHER

hank was born and raised in england. his father was an extremely wealthy banker, his mother died when he was young but he never really thought about her because his father never spoke of her. he was raised mainly by his aunt while his father worked around the clock. they were an extremely wealthy family and when he was old enough, hank attended boarding school. he never really had parental guidance and his creativity always ran wild. he was trouble at school, but smart enough not to get caught. after he graduated from st andrews and moved in with sylvia, he invested his entire trust-fund into a book publishing business, which is still successful to this day. he’s a huge family man due to not having one when he was younger

second generation.

EDWIN CARMICHAEL

edwin is the oldest of sylvia’s and hank’s children and always worked hard to be a people pleaser. he was often referred to as the golden child and the absolute brightest star in his mother’s sky. from an early age, he showed interest in entertainment which hank inspired and supported.

things changed for edwin in the middle of high school when he decided to come out about his sexuality. he was severely bullied and his relationship with sylvia broke down. he STILL hasn’t got the best relationship with his mother, especially after he married his husband, but they stay civil for the rest of the family’s sake.

he now works in property and lost his confidence in acting when he was bullied.

OLIVER CARMICHAEL

SYNN’S CHARACTER, BUT HERE IS HOW I INTERPRET HIM. oliver is the second oldest child of sylvia and hank. he was rebellious from the start. he never enjoyed trying to live up to edwin’s golden standard, he hated the events and the social climbing. he just wanted to be a regular kid and have regular experiences, but it never happened for him. when he was 18, it hit him that he was an adult and sylvia and hank have 0 influence over him. he took his trustfund, travelled and got the hell out of violet springs. however, just like with everybody else, age caught him up and he ended up settling in london with a woman he met while backpacking in australia. he likes his children knowing their family, so he reluctantly shows up to family events but you’d never catch either of them in violet springs if they didn’t have to be.

JAMES CARMICHAEL

james is the middle child and arguably the most successful of the carmichael’s. he was never the favourite and had a streak in him that caused him to clash with hank from a young age. he was a loveable rouge who grew into a loveable white-collard criminal. he was smarter than he let on and had endless ambition. like edwin, he attended university but instead of picking a profession that hid away from his true ambition, he invested his entire trustfund into a studio in los angeles where he planned to make amazing films...it paid off. he married his wife (patricia) who he met when she worked as a set designer on one of his projects, but it wasn’t all happily ever after. james played around with money a little too much and tried to take out his competition in shady ways. this led to things getting too much for him and he faked his death almost a year ago. all of his family beside mason believe him to be dead.

JOHNATHAN CARMICHAEL

completely synn’s character, the father of theo

SINEAD CARMICHAEL

sinead was the only girl of five children and completely used it to her advantage. she watched the way her brother’s and father knew how to dominate rooms, conversations and other people. she grew up with the mindset that she could have absolutely anything she wanted, as long as she worked (or cheated) hard enough for it. sinead dropped out of school at 15 and almost gave her mother an hernia. she blew most of her trust fund on a sweet 16 and then a sweet 18, anything that was left went on her 21st. she’s a very “live in the moment” woman and cares little for consequences. she actually ended up teaming up with james and starring in a few of his earliest projects before becoming an actress in her own right. she’s blacklisted by a lot of hollywood producers for her refusal to submit and listen to direction. she’s head strong and does what she likes.

third generation.

RUBY ROSINI - ADOPTED DAUGHTER OF EDWIN.

when ruby was adopted by edwin, there was all round excitement from every single member of the family; a little, brown-eyed girl from italy arriving on their doorsteps. she was so different from the majority blue-eyed children who filled the family tree. the cousins all immediately became protective of her and loved getting to know who she was as a person. now they’re grown up, she’s viewed as a cousin and it’s easy to forget that she was ever adopted or came from anywhere else.

THOMAS CARMICHAEL - SON OF OLIVER

thomas is the oldest son of oliver and like his dad, he’s a bit of a free spirit but unlike his dad, he’s a lot more laidback and less likely to clash or argue with anyone. as far as carmichael’s go, he’s quite wholesome and kind and oliver will 100% say that it’s because he was raised away from the madness of their family. however, growing up away from the others isn’t as good in his eyes as it is in his dad’s. he often feels boring and on the outside, he will always do his best to fit in with the other guys and is easily manipulated. as a child, he got into trouble so many times from listening to the shit brody and leo used to tell him to do. even to this day, he’s overly loyal and attached to them because he’s desperate to feel a real part of the family.

KATELYN CARMICHAEL - DAUGHTER OF OLIVER

katelyn is the oldest of the third generation and oliver’s daughter. she’s blunt, witty and doesn’t mince her words. unlike most of the women in her family, she cares little for appearances or staying in certain social circles. she’s a drama teacher in a high school and enjoys living a normal life, but does dip into the funds of her family name every now and then to have a bit of fun. she’s a blast at family parties and everybody is always excited to see what scandalous or stupid thing she’ll do next to annoy her grandmother.

ANASTASIA CARMICHAEL - DAUGHTER OF JAMES

the oldest of james’ children and undeniably the real favourite. she’s an overachiever and type of girl who was good at everything in school and still is; she’s athletic, artistic, academic, a good mother, an amazing business woman, she’s smart, she’s intuitive, she’s healthy and rarely loses in competitions with her siblings or anyone else for that matter.

anastasia has her daughter, darcy, and is engaged to ryder banks. there’s no love there but like her grandmother, she understands the importance of appearances. you’d have to be crazy if you thought she hasn’t had a string of affairs and STILL has them. however, she also has standards and is very selective over who she lets get close.

darcy is her #1 priority and she’ll fight fiercely to make sure she always stays that way.

LEONARDO CARMICHAEL - SON OF JAMES

leo is james’ oldest son and again, like anastasia, kind of set the bar in the early days for the rest of his siblings. when it was the two of them and mason, everything was about leo and anastasia, they grew up in constant competition; leo tended to always fall short of his sister’s achievements. however, as they grew and the two of them came into their own, it was clear that leo was never going to be one to be in the shadows for too long - starting with gaining the attention from girls as he grew through high school. even girls in brody’s and miles’s year were heart-eyes over him and he was a few years older. yet, just like with the rest of his siblings, he was promised and later engaged to somebody that his father handpicked for him to ensure the carmichael wealth wouldn’t dwindle out and fall into the wrong, new money hands. OOC//i could write more but it doesnt feel right bc he’s now katie’s character. obviously i have my own ideas/fiancee for original leo!

MASON CARMICHAEL - SON OF JAMES

mason broke the trend of extroverted, go-getter type kids and ended up being the quietest and youngest of the bunch until miles was born. he was a big momma’s boy growing up, and even though he’s never really felt like the favourite, he always enjoyed the company of adults and quieter environments compared to his siblings who would thrive around kids of their own age. mason is wise beyond his years and it’s a running joke that he was supposed to be born first. he is the only one that knows james isn’t dead and was trusted with this information because even though brody was the favourite by a longshot, james knew mason would keep it quiet and be less affected by the secret. mason both hates and loves being a part of the carmichaels. he loves his family but also hates the madness that comes along with it.

BRODY CARMICHAEL - SON OF JAMES

brody never really had to work to be the favourite of his parents - he just is. he had the right amount of intelligence, cockiness and charm to keep adults on side throughout his whole life. ironically, out of everybody in the third generation, he’s probably the biggest fuck up too but the adults turn a blind eye to it because it’s him. a huge reason he’s favoured by james is because he was clearly enough for charles to allow him to marry his oldest daughter, disney. this was such a big deal for james because charles has a LOT of connections (shady and not shady) in the entertainment industry and he knew the merger between the companies would keep the carmichael legacy in tact for generations. brody usually rises to being the favourite and is slightly smug about it, but he also cracks the most under pressure and has had dozens of meltdowns over the span of his life growing up.

MILES CARMICHAEL - SON OF JAMES

miles is the youngest...son...of james. james has no idea that patricia had an affair and that miles isn’t actually his son. miles has always struggled severely with keeping up with his siblings. he developed common but crippling mental health issues in his pre-teen years such as depression and anxiety. it started with acting out and being a “problem child” but quickly developed in being too scared to leave the house. he locked himself away and wasted away his young years not really interacting with anyone outside of his immediate family. on top of that, he had he achievements of brody, mason, anastasia and leo to remind him of what a failure is...eventually he just stopped trying. these days his siblings are supportive and aware of how he can get. his cynicism is literally his humour and he’s just taking one day at a time.

BELLA CARMICHAEL - DAUGHTER OF JAMES

bella was dubbed the next brody. all of her siblings adore her and so do her parents and grandparents. she’s the second child who can do absolutely no wrong in anybody’s eyes. bella was a young star and worked in hollywood making tv cameos long before she started school. she had two lives; her school and dance life, and her celebrity life. she grew up with more life experience than other kids and this made her painfully cunning. she knew exactly how to get people on side and had whoever she wanted wrapped around her little finger. she and brody were hit hardest by james’s death. bella was all over the place and gained a little weight - something she wasn’t familiar with after being petite her whole life. she’s now just trying to stable herself again.

THEO CARMICHAEL - SON OF JOHNATHAN

SYNN’S CHARACTER

HERA CARMICHAEL-RUSH

hera is the middle child of sinead. she too is inteligent and calculated but she’s also the opposite of the james’s girls. hera has never worked a day in her life and has no intention to. she’s a socialite and just like her mother, does what she wants when she wants to. she lives off of mommy’s money (because her dad bailed on them and honestly, fuck him). hera also came out as bisexual at a christmas party because she knew it’d make sylvia uncomfortable. she’s a wind up and enjoys getting a rise out of people.

OPHELIA CARMICHAEL-RUSH

ophelia is old enough to remember the messy divorce of her parents and adopted her mother’s bad-ass and care free attitude towards it from that day on. she hates her dad for what he did to their family but doesn’t let it hold her back and when she turned 18, she took him to court to keep her name on the inheritance of his million dollar winery business...and won. she’s the trailblazer for her quieter and more introverted siblings. she’s someone who knows she’s gorgeous and uses her looks to her advantage.

LUNA CARMICHAEL-RUSH

luna has always been shy and hid behind the bolder personalities of her sister’s. she used to feel boring because of it but has quickly accepted that’s who she is and she’s happy with it. as she becomes 26, she’s starting to feel extremely embarrassed and insecure about her lack of experience with anybody. yet, her father walking out makes her find it hard to connect with and trust people. she has high standards and no standards at the same time and is really lost in terms of her romantic relationships. HOWEVER, she is thriving in her career and mason has featured her as an actress in many projects. she currently attends rosewell and enjoys the french culture.

DAMUS CARMICHAEL-RUSH

damus is a pastiche of every criminal and calculated act a carmichael before him has committed. he actively seeks out trouble and due to not being able to find his “place” in the family, he seems to like to win the affections of his elders by getting involved in dodgy dealings that they’ve set up - particularly those of james and johnathan. damus gets a rush out of being in on his family’s darkest secrets but he also feels like a spare part - the one who gets put into dangerous scenarios because the others are too precious to do so.

third generation age order: - katelyn - anastasia - leo - thomas - ophelia - mason - brody - hera - luna - ruby - miles - bella - damus

fourth generation (work in progress): - darcy and wren, children of anastasia - fleur and dixie, daughters of brody - victoria and peter, children of mason - jacob and harlow, son of theo

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cainfm · 5 years ago

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『BILL SKARSGARD ❙ NONBINARY』 ⟿ looks like CAIN ROMANOV is here for THEIR SENIOR year as a LITERATURE student. THEY are 25 years old & known to be RIGHTEOUS, TRUE, EVASIVE & GUARDED. They’re living in MORIS, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ JAMES. 21. EST. SHE/THEY.

hdsjnf hello all ... it is james again ... here with another ... replacing noelle with cain bt it’s fine im fine. i’ve hit muse limit u wn’t hear frm me again ... so hit tht like button .. this isnt the best intro ive done bt mostly bc im just kinda like ... taking an old one n rewriting it as i go

TW CULTS, HEROIN USE / ADDICTION, DRUG ADDICTION / USE, ABUSE, PSYCHOLOGICAL / EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION, PTSD, ANXIETY, TRAUMA.

aesthetics.

dangling limbs from tree branches, yellowed book pages, opened bottles of vintage wine, oversized sweaters and deep under eyes, bleached denim, worn leather gloves, cat hair against black cloth, fields of wheat, broken windows, descending staircases, tight-lipped smiles during public appearances, golden skies, light spilling from windows, stumbling over one’s own words, wire-framed beds, linens, wool scarves, making the wrong decisions; running, from others and yourself.

basic info.

full name: cain alexei romanov

nickname(s): n/a

b.o.d. - feb 19th, pisces :) happy birthday!

label(s): the connard (previously), the escapist, the facade, the fallen, the lothario (previously), the pariah, the phoenix, the puppeteer (previously), the sybarite, etc.

height: 6′4″ ... bruv.

hometown: stratford, connecticut

sexuality: bisexual uwu?

stats

inspired by: i feel like i did ... have an inspiration for him but i don’t ... remember ... so ur not getting this one ... i might edit this later if smth pops into my head but. alas.

biography.

born to connecticut senator vaughn romanov and well known philanthropist adelaide romanov, they were born into a life of privilege in a very prominent new england family. they’re the eldest of five in a very nuclear, picture perfect, preppy chic family.

was brought up to be a class a, outstanding, perfect citizen. golden child to the all american family (willfully ignoring the fact that his father came from russian immigrants). cain listened, obeyed, never strayed outside the lines.

it was always intended for cain to take on after their father, to follow in his footsteps and become a politician too. there were several expectations for them, including joining model un, debate, deca, splitting time between soccer, track, basketball, lacrosse, becoming class president, and all while maintaining a valedictorian - worthy gpa.

even volunteered on the weekends at homeless shelters and food banks, proving to everybody in their community just how much of a gem they were, darling, perfect member of society.

always eager as a child, eager for approval, eager to impress and wow and dazzle authorities and adults alike - cain never really had a problem with any of it? always attended church on sundays and sometimes even wednesdays. participated in family dinners and christmas photoshoots and new years eve parties, easter egg hunts and family reunions.

born and raised in stratford, super close to lovell to the point where it’d always been expected that the romanov children would simply just go to radcliffe, as did their parents. their home in stratford is a big, fancy, seven bedroom eight bath house with two fireplaces and an expansive dining room. no pool, but a sturdy treehouse made by scratch.

however. their model citizen persona was just that, a persona - a charade. in the community and to his family, cain was a hardworking citizen who upheld standards, a leader. to classmates and peers, from elementary to college - cain was the devil themself.

arrogant, harrowing, an outright bully who tore down others when they felt like it, often unprovoked. they were the senator’s son, and a rich one at that - rules never applying because they simply never existed for them, the upmost privilege because of who their family happened to be and their place in society. tattlers of their behavior faced far more consequence than cain ever did, or would.

the sort of person who’d genuinely look down at someone if they had less than them - a narcissistic dickhead who cared about two or three people, tops, outside of their family. was never physically violent, nor did they raise their voice, but that’s what made them all the worse. made them all the scarier. spewed classist bullshit with ease and was addicted to the power high it gave them.

their only redeeming quality was their protectiveness over their family - never the best person, but family is family, and they thought it ought’d to be protected.

went into political science and business to please their father, mainly, every step they made - every path cain went down, every choice from the electives they took in high school to the brand of shoes they wore, was to build them into the ideal presidential candidate.

probably joined a frat though cain never participated in parties too often, known for keeping their composure even when others resorted to violence, or got too drunk, or caused any public commotion, because they didn’t like to leave a bad image for the press. did their drugs in private but left nothing to the imagination, publicly.

but alas. during college, two very important series of events occurred.

seeking thrills, searching for fun in all the wrong places - cain became a middle-man between dealers and producers. never dealt it, and never produced it, but simply transported it between one another; the less everybody knew about each other the better. it was always a very hushed operation. one that they could’ve profited much off of, though money was never the motive for them.

and then he met earl and may meyers, fellow volunteers at a thanksgiving food drive; an older couple immediately drawn to cain, reasonable considering just who their father was, and cain to them. they can’t tell you what about the couple was so appealing - the air around them was something else entirely; some called it unhinged, others would call it comforting. but they were kind folks, down to earth - very religious, and very warmhearted. liked his name, a lot - like in the bible, they’d say, and laugh, and pat his arm. they would say, on occasion, that they reminded them of their late son.

it’d happened towards the end of their junior year, a few years after they’d gotten involved in the drug business - and the meyers were volunteering more and more, always at the same places as cain. the same times, too, as if they were learning his schedule. in retrospect - it was odd, but cain’d never suspected a thing. they kept talking, and it became a genuine friendship - a secured vote in the next election.

it only took a few months into this that they’d begun to talk about religion more. the sin of wealth, and god choosing only a select few when he cleanses the earth. only the worthiest souls. they’d eventually get into the rhythm of telling cain they were special - that they could see they’d be selected, see it in their aura, in their dreams, god sending them messages, etc. most would find it to be absolutely ... bonkers.

but it was oddly appealing to cain - like, maybe i am being constrained by capitalism. maybe i am disappointing god - aren’t i a devoted follower? it felt nearly ridiculous, but it seeped into their mind. psychological manipulation, lasting over months and cain unsuspecting. as if they could ever be the one manipulated. but the meyers could ask cain to jump, and they’d simply say - how high?

soon enough, earl and may told them that they were moving. that there’d been so many more like them and that it was time to join them, time to prepare - to get ready for the rapture. cain held off at first, finishing up their first term of their senior year and their life planned right before their eyes. everything they’d ever worked for. their loyal companions and close-knit family, their side-business that’d only gotten stronger - a long-term girlfriend and the engagement ring that burnt in their pocket, made their heart beat twice as fast at the very thought. still the same as before, cruel without a cause, but still surrounded by those who loved them - who could find something in them to love.

but a month into their senior year, cain had a sudden change of heart. they were ready, now, if not now then never later. all because of a third event. a surprise. a shock. a betrayal.

they had discovered that they were not their father’s child - not at all, not even by an inch. they were someone else’s, completely. their mother had broken down and cracked, after a particularly straining christmas party. the discussion was long, and the heartbreak only grew. the anger only grew. the hurt - it grew. more and more, with each pitiful sob their mother gave them. it was a mistake - a one night stand in a fit of petty anger in the very early stages of their marriage. and only cain knew - like they had to carry this weight, now, that they never asked to have.

it was the kind of information that broke a person. cain idolized their parents, done everything they’d ever asked - ever expected, and beyond, let them mold them like putty into whatever form they wanted. only to find out that in the end, it didn’t matter. it never mattered, if cain wasn’t the blood child of vaughn. if their mother - a woman who hadn’t a bad bone in her body, was nothing but a cheat and a liar.

cain unraveled.

they spent the first week getting into an altercation with near anybody who looked at them wrong. physical, usually - though arguments arose frequently as well. with no explanation, only thrown fists - often drunk, or high, or sober too - it never mattered. they spent a night in county jail, it’d gotten so bad. it seemed to have no end.

right until new years, just after midnight, when cain had disappeared without a word. it was treated like a missing persons case, though there was no evidence of foul play or kidnapping, and not much could be done about it.

BEGINNING OF CULT / DRUG / MOST OF THE TRIGGER WARNINGS

the only people who knew of cain’s whereabouts were the meyers - because they had left together. a last minute decision that, if they had only waited a simple minute longer, would’ve never happened. a mistake they desperately wished they could take back. a mistake that led to another event - maybe the most important one of them all.

they’d gone only hours away from stratford, and lovell, the border between new york and connecticut and not as far as cain had initially thought, but deep, deep into the woods. that was where the cult’d been. they wore white linens and cotton, but never mixed. technology banned, prayers and daily chores. it was natural, at first. for the first three months, that was.

it could’ve been grand. it was peaceful, and mind-clearing, and they treated cain as if their birth was a sign from the angels. cain come to undo his past. a potential leader. but the longer they stayed, the more apparent it became that they weren’t all that the cult had wanted, so desperately, to believe. once they began to slip up, once members became displeased - that’s when the punishments began to occur.

sometimes once a week, but sometimes - and, later, much more so, multiple. the memories are suppressed, for the most part - but there are some things they simply can’t - the hands, they can’t forget. pulling, and tugging, and gripping - begging, asking him to repent, please, repent. their head held underwater, counting seconds until their vision’d eventually darken and go out, only to be pulled out gasping and sobbing. these memories stay - these memories repeat themselves, like a record stuck on repeat, days blurring into one another.

when they tried to fight back - they were subdued. heroin was the first step. little by little, everyday - enough to leave them in a high they wouldn’t remember; enough to burn a hole in their memory. and with these dimming memories, cain’d begin to sneak paper and pencil into their living arrangement, their room, writing everyday. wrote as much as they could remember from home - about their family, their life before it all - the people they loved. they couldn’t remember what they’d written, some days.

and when those notes were found, bound by thread taken from their own clothing to form a shabby book - that’d been the final straw. dragged, kicking and screaming - mind-numbingly high, into place. the twisted reenactment, retelling of cain’s demise. how exactly he’d gotten his scar. it would’ve been near perfect, if they had only stayed still and let them brand the mark into his forehead. but instead - they settled, eventually, for the chest. then - the left cain to die in the middle of the woods. in the middle of nowhere. no trails or campsites to follow, nothing at all. nothing but trees. nothing but his notes and the clothes on their back. they hadn’t even known what day it was - almost forgotten the year, too.

cain should’ve died there, but cain got up. and they ran. and ran. and ran. until they hit something, eventually. a road. it’d been pure luck that they’d found a car near immediately afterwards, whose driver wasn’t doubling as a murderer, who took them to the hospital - and who gave cain that chance to live. they were found on new years, a full cycle - a full year in the cult that’d changed their life.

END OF CULT / DRUG / MOST OF THE TRIGGER WARNINGS. PROCEED WITH CAUTION. STILL MENTIONS OF TRAUMA / MENTAL HEALTH / RECOVERY / ADDICTION BEYOND THIS POINT.

after being reunited with their family in the hospital - everything went by very fast. they couldn’t recognize their youngest sibling, but they also couldn’t remember why they’d left in the first place. couldn’t remember the name of their girlfriend, but the color of her hair and the way she smelled. they couldn’t give answers to their actions.

and after being put into therapy and recovery for their addiction - that’s when they find out that their father’s a presidential candidate, that they had been - that they used cain’s disappearance as a story for the press, one to garner votes. their return is national news, and their public opinion skyrockets. it’s supposed to be glorious, and a miracle, a blessing - but cain feels restrained. confined to the role they’d always been expected to play - expected to get up and continue with their life, as if nothing had happened.

but nothing didn’t happen - everything happened, and cain’s different now, vastly so - no longer who they thought they were. they change their major to literature, abandon politics. they get some cats, start working at the library, and they put on some leather gloves - their method of staying away, of keeping a comfortable distance. they are different, now, and simply only wish to focus on their recovery.

personality.

they’re no longer who they once were. a year of trauma does things to a person - and with memory loss that weighs heavy on their mind, they are near completely different. they remember parts of their old personality, their old lifestyle - enough to know they want to be better. they’re convinced that it’s karma, what happened to them. for being who they were - acting the way they did. just ... a bunch of self-blame.

even with the massive ego, cain’s always been a quiet person. but now - now cain’s even quieter. kinder, if not a little sarcastic, like a relic from the past. they’re distant - but it’s one of fear, restrictive and tense - not one made out of their own comfort.

smokes medical marijuana but rarely drinks ... as if that’d make a difference. in an effort to beat their heroin addiction, they’ve turned to prescriptions instead.

like i mentioned ... cain has four cats. it’s basically their entire personality. two of them were from before their disappearance, but two are new to their little (school-approved) family. there is: frank (big chungus when yelled. white and gray), brock (orange. fluffy. stoic. devours food), shoelace (black furred, missing an eye and half an ear), and crunchwrap supreme (crunch for short. calico with bent ears). yes, they have photos of their cats in their wallet.

cain’s memory is fucked - like, really fucked. they forget a lot of things. short term, long term. it’s a constant struggle. they managed to keep their notes from the cult, so those help - but not always. they forget dates and names and faces and events. sometimes they wake up and don’t know where they are. they don’t sleep often, anyways. with the trauma came night terrors, and in an attempt to avoid them they don’t ... sleep often. only a few hours a night if they can withstand it, because it’s frankly terrible.

they suffer from severe touch aversion. skin contact with anybody, of any sort, is enough to send cain into a full-blown panic attack. they were leather gloves more often than not in an attempt to combat this disadvantage, without hindering their dexterity too much. even with clothes, they’re not the biggest fan of physical contact. it won’t send him into a panic attack, but they visibly flinch away. they’re very clear from the get-go, if someone is too close to them, that they don’t like physical contact.

dealing with ptsd and attends therapy every week. their therapist recommended that they keep writing their notes, after reviewing them himself, so cain does. they keep an entire journal where they write, and sketch a little, because it helps them cope and de-stress. it means a lot to them, actually.

also dealing with ptsd and attends therapy every week - therapist recommended he kept writing after looking at his notes - so he does, keeps an entire journal where they write and like … sketch a little, because it helps them cope. means more to them than it would seem. but, unfortunately, part of their coping involves getting far too involved in their own mini-investigation of the cult they’d been part of. when the cult was tracked back to where cain’d been brought, they were already gone - and cain wants to know where. wants to know how to find them. wants justice, vengeance. wants nobody else to get hurt from them.

pretty blunt ... won’t go out of their way to announce that hey, they were part of a cult, and that’s why they’re gone and that’s why that’s the way they are now - but they also won’t lie about it, if the topic comes up in conversation. they don’t like delusions, don’t like secrets, nor do they like unnecessary attention.

being at radcliffe makes cain anxious because - well, they’re surrounded by people they’ve been doing wrong by for years now and they can’t even remember which ones. who, what, when, why - distant memories, if they’re even there at all. is constantly trying to figure out how to redeem themselves. they’d leave, if it hadn’t been their parents’ assistance that they stay there. so that someone always has an eye on them.

but like ...they screwed over a lot of people when they left. from plugs / customers to their ex-girlfriend, who they are, undeniably, still in love with (you can’t forget that feeling) - to their friends. like. everybody, pretty much KBJNSDFKSNLD

is often pretty high ... i’d say it’s just the medical weed but. alas :/ take a guess :/

hates cars & swimming & crowds. hates feeling trapped and will avoid it whenever possible. doesn’t want to be seen as unsociable, but it’s difficult.

they ... have a tendency to run away when they’re overwhelmed. likes to climb trees because they’re tall enough to. there’s a tree outside of their window that they climb out to frequently, even though it’s like a ~safety hazard~ or whatever. just really likes to hide out.

used to be in perkins when they last attended radcliffe, but they gave their spot to someone else and that was like - 100% fine w/ cain tbh. lives alone in moris now.

feels the need to redeem themself ... to like, everybody. like, they want to avoid conflict and be a better person, but it’s hard, and they don’t necessarily like confrontation either - and not everybody believes that cain’s changed. it wouldn’t be surprising if people were suspicious of cain, for whatever reason, because they don’t ... really have the best track record anymore.

developed a stutter as one of the results from their trauma. their voice is damaged from screaming and they’re self-conscious about it, but they’re working on it because there’s more important things to worry about. in general, cain looks ... gaunt, too thin, and generally sickly.

repeating senior year ... fr obvious reasons ... and probably won’t graduate anytime soon because they’ve changed their major so late.

can still hold a conversation & they’re not really afraid of socialization. it just takes a toll on them. they’re pretty lowkey, as a person. soft, sorta. quiet but they won’t be an asshole (on purpose). they like people! just. very low energy.

so like ... tldr ... not an asshole anymore ... dealing with a lot of trauma ... trying to be a good person ... yes ...

wanted connections.

locals... people they’ve grown up with their entire life. people they’ve wronged, people who idolized him, envied him, despised him, etc.

enemies... would love for a bunch of these just. a hoard of people who fucking hate cain. because it fits the bill. they could’ve bullied them, or wronged them, whatever. anything works. let’s make it happen.

exes... that they’ve dumped... old hookups, ex-friends, people they got into an argument with or fought before they disappeared last year...

ex girlfriend... that connection wld b rly neat!! i have it up as a wc rn but we can take that down ... will be holding intense american idol - esque auditions. remember that cain ws a fckn classist pig and probably only dated people who were also rich with influential families. (unless u present a very good case to me ... then maybe ... perhaps ...)

family friends... family rivals... people he knows mostly thru their family.

redeemable... people they’re trying to redeem themself to... trying to prove their worth, and that they’re a better person now, etc. etc.

old clients... :) angry clients. that they left in the dust.

perkins... people he knew from perkins ... old pals or maybe enemies idk he was pretty insufferable ... people he used to go to fancy parties with sometimes ...

angery... people so so so so fucking pissed at cain, for whatever reason.

reconciliation... reconnecting... used to be friends and we can be friends again :) and i will be better this time! i’m a slut for slowburns, especially slowburn friendships ... enemies to friends ... now THAT is sexy.

victims... of bullying ... :/ of their bullying specifically.

sof...t... wholesome content ... nothing but soft, understanding friendships ... or developing friendships ... make them feel welcomed again... forgive them...

an..g.st... friends to enemies. enemies to bigger enemies. miscommunication. betrayal. whatever u want.

no hookups!!! ... please only previous encounters. nothing in the present. because it just wldn’t make sense.

unless... eyes emoji. H DSJLFJKS just kidding! i’d accept MAYBE some kind of sexual tension but like ... the sort that hurts, because it just Cannot Happen (i will not let it happen). or maybe a fun, casual sexting thing but like. nothing physical. pleasthe.

fuck politics!... mayhaps, they hate mr. romanov and his politics or smth. he’s probably corrupt in some way, so! go at it!

aggression... i feel like a lot of the conversations between cain n other ppl start out rly ... angry bc theyre Mad. at them.

ok it’s bed time please plot with me.

#radintro #cult tw #heroin tw #drug abuse tw #addiction tw #trauma tw #ptsd tw #anxiety tw #manipulation tw #abuse tw #i think thts all ...

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ellvie · 6 years ago

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ELVIE CROFT, twenty four years old. youtuber and ghost with the most on beloved emmy award winning netflix series ghost gallery. interests include horror movies, the 80s, halloween, and the absolute abomination that is black licorice. the smartest dipshit you’ll ever meet.

elvin tupelo croft. prefers elvie, but el is okay if you’re a close friend or family member. is extremely sensitive about the fact that he was almost named elvis after the famous musician because his dad is OBSESSED.

born in the salem, massachusetts on halloween day. descendant of an accused witch, son of an actual witch, and practices himself albeit casually. his dad is the county district attorney while his mom owns a small shop in town, so they were...lower middle class i guess. they always had enough to meet their needs, but couldn’t afford any extra spending or splurging. as he got older he’d go on to work small jobs around town, most notably as a janitor in the local movie theater. so no silver spoon or high horse here.

margo massey has been his best friend since birth. her maternal grandparents disowned her mom when she fell pregnant with margo, so elvie’s dad gave them some legal help and the rest is history. they’ve been best friends for longer than either of them can even remember, true ride or dies for life. if you don’t like margo then elvie doesn’t like you and that’s that on that. the antics of elvie croft and margo massey were famous in salem long before they were famous on netflix.

so he tried lots of different activities as a kid. he was a boy scout, he took music lessons, he was absolutely awful at tee ball, but nothing really stuck. he’s always had a lot of energy and a short attention span, so he gets bored of stuff pretty easily.

something his parents and teachers would often notice about him was that he’s very smart. he’s a fast learner, one of those annoying types who seems to just do well in school and get perfect grades without even trying? that’s him. some people have even thrown around words like brilliant and genius. tbh they probably aren’t far off, but elvie hates being called smart to the point where he?? intentionally dumbs himself down 24/7 and passes it off as a joke

ofc that didn’t stop from being mercilessly bullied all throughout school. he had braces and glasses and chronic nosebleeds and didn’t play any sports and only had one friend who was picked on just as badly so he was definitely a favorite target of his peers.

fortunately elvie has much thicker skin than most people seem to realize. he doesn’t...really care what people think about him. at all. oh so what you don’t like him. he’ll have a good long cry about it while his emmy award is getting polished. not that he’s arrogant bc he honestly isn’t. it’s just that he knows his worth and your opinion of him isn’t going to change that.

he was fifteen when the rich & snobby abernathy family bought a huge summer home in salem and he met their daughter, astrea...it was love at first sight and to this day he’s never loved anybody else or even dated anybody else. their summer romance turned long distance when she went home in the fall. they were insistent upon not letting anything break them apart and aside from about a year where they weren’t together, nothing ever did. elvie croft has been dating the same girl since he was fifteen and just keeps falling more and more in love with her.

it should be noted that astrea’s parents absolutely hate him and they always have. he didn’t do anything except come from a poor no name family, which was more than enough for them, so elvie was resorting to climbing through her window and helping her sneak out in the middle of the night so they could see each other for even five minutes. it’s a regular romeo juliet story. how disgustingly lovesick and On Brand™ for them.

a year later he started his youtube channel at the age of sixteen with margo & the camera that he got for his birthday. it’s basically buzzfeed unsolved supernatural. he’s the believer, she’s the skeptic, and they go looking for ghosts! it was an instant hit. with every video posted they were gaining subscribers in the dozens, then the hundreds, then the thousands. they weren’t even in college yet and they were already two of the most popular & beloved names in youtuber fandom.

attended nyu once they did get to college. tbh elvie didn’t really wanna go?? he doesn’t like school, so he technically studied business and was top of his class as per usual, but he was mostly just there to party and hang out with margo and finally get to be with astrea all the time. he loves her so much like i can’t stress this enough.

too bad for him bc he got DUMPED in their last year of college. astrea broke up with him and then immediately went to saudi arabia for a year. he didn’t take it well at all, but fortunately he’d be distracted soon enough.

elvie and margo were approached by netflix producers who basically wanted to turn their youtube channel into a tv show which turned out to be a really smart move because ghost gallery is a HUGE HIT. everyone’s seen it. everyone loves it. no one can seem to shut up about it. basically think of the hype around stranger things and you’ll understand how much everyone loves ghost gallery.

they’ve put out two seasons so far & are just about to start filming for season three which is scheduled for a late october 2019 release and elvie absolutely loves his show so he couldn’t be happier about it!

and now for a few other fast facts bc i SOMEHOW feel like i haven’t covered everything yet!

loves horror movies, halloween, and scaring people. by the age of twelve he was getting full grown adults to scream and run away from him in terror while he just laughed and laughed bc it was the best thing ever to him.

it’s been a running joke all his life that he doesn’t seem to be afraid of anything and who knows? maybe he isn’t.

his other major interest? everything 80s. tbh at least 90% of everything he’s ever said is an 80s movie reference, often too obscure for most people to even catch.

he’s extremely rich bc he spends almost none of the money he earns from youtube and netflix. he grew up poor enough to have the mentality that he can’t just go around wasting money on whatever he wants even though he very well could without even making a serious dent in his bank account. at worst he might impulse buy some extra candy or smth but nothing more expensive than that

they type of eccentric genius who will solve a whole rubik’s cube in .0000000001 seconds like it’s nothing and act like it isn’t even a big deal bc he’s already distracted by something else entirely. it probs gives people a little whiplash tbh

PERSONALITY: elvie is nice, but he’s not for everyone. eccentric is probably the best word to describe him. he doesn’t do things the way everyone else does. he’s extremely hyperactive and very ~out there~ which is a combination that’s just Too Much for some people. he tends to come across as either witty and endearingly charming or loud and flat out annoying. so he’s kinda terrible at making friends but it doesn’t stop him from trying. in general he’s well liked if only bc almost everyone loves ghost gallery, but ofc there are outliers so pls feel free to hate him. tl;dr he’s completely harmless but maybe a little annoying, will just ramble at you for hours about ghosts and horror movies and the 80s and assume that you’re friends because of it.

CONNECTIONS

family

maternal cousin - willow sparks and alexandra blakely (distant)

paternal cousin, constant bickering - river espinoza

romantic

wife - astrea croft

unrequited crush - open

platonic

best friend, might bicker sometimes but ride or die 5ever - margo massey

acquaintances - torrance keynes, saywer duncan, open to more.

close friends - open to several.

family friends - rosalind cox, open to more.

friends - jordan parkes, wren daily, reign monroe, sahar santini, genesis iver, ingrid larson, marialena goldstein.

online → irl friends - ginny baker

unlikely friends - eden o’ connor, open to more,

frenemies - beckley bovér, open to more.

negative

enemies - angel almeida, open to more.

bad terms - carson king, open to more.

ex friends - luna reyes, anastasia sangster.

he doesn’t tend to have a lot of enemies but whew he absolutely despises angel so if you like him then elvie probably doesn’t like you.

#× ❪ ⸰ about elvie. ⸰ ❫#this is an actual novel #anyway #this is basically a brand new intro #with his connections included #mostly filled but i figure that helps to figure out new stuff #feel free to message if you wanna plot or re plot #if you really read this whole thing #why

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lets-talk-nonstop · 6 years ago

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WHY SAKURA IS NOT USELESS I STILL CANT BELIEVE WE ARE STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS

let’s talk about the all mighty queen Sakura Haruno.

it is the year 2019 i sit with my family. we talk of the good ol days. Playing sonic watching Naruto.

“My favorite character is Sakura”! I say l

“But she’s useless?”

She’s useless..and I hear this all the time oh she’s useless all she does is cry. But I think to myself have we read/watched the same thing? People say Sakura only got good in Shippuden, and I use to agree with that to. But it has been years and I of course have rethought that opinion. Sakura has never ever been useless and let’s discuss why.

Let’s start from the beginning a 12 year old girl from a civilian family becoming a ninja. No bloodline limit, no special family moves, no unique ninjitsu,taijutsu or genjustu(of course she gets skills unique to her later on). but a totally average girl with crush. I remember a lot of “Sakura is so annoying” expecting a 12 year girl to act like an adult lmao. of course Sakura has done some things that can be quite questionable mostly due in part to the writing. But she is just an average girl, she is a child. She gets annoyed,she can be obnoxious and immature but it seems like people glance over her compassion and determination.

Let’s go way back even more before the beginning of the show. a young bullied girl who became friends with Ino. To me this friendship was the start of what Sakura always wanted to be, a strong confident girl. And people need to understand that she did not become a ninja for Sasuke in any way her crush came later on. Ino is someone she looks up to. Ino who told her not to hide her forehead and to proudly display even giving her a headband to push back her bangs. Sakura eventually feels like shes in Inos shadow, she wanted to be Ino’s equal. The crushes they both had on Sasuke brings a wedge into their relationship but it wasn't everything. Ultimately their rivalry was to be better than the other, to grow.

I think Sakura in general was the most emotionally mature pre teen I’ve ever seen, and as the show went on she only got better and better. Her inner voice was something i loved about her, and it showed that she did pay attention to how others viewed her and how that can shape the opinions of others. She still held on to insecurities as any kid would. The only reason she would feel unconfident to state her opinions was because other people would put her down. She wouldn’t do things unless other people did them first. She didn't have a good support system other than Ino and her parents whom were not ninja themselves so were not able to really understand that part of her life. As much as I love kakashi he payed more attention to the boys and thats just that, the team was made to keep a closer eye on Sasuke in general. She did not think much of her self surely other people’s opinions must be better. I think at first she wanted to be a ninja to prove to others and her self that she could be strong. It was more for herself a bit selfish but I found that part her more interesting than any other goals her peers had because most of her classmates had expectations as clan leaders other than Sasuke and Naruto. But as many arcs happen she realizes how fucked up the ninja world actually is.

On their first mission she does not hesitate in protecting Tazuna even if she knows she can’t handle those two ninja. she’s the first to learn to tree climbing, amazing chakra control. Even that small scene of her giving a child food because who knows when he’ll have his next meal. She empathizes and that’s something that struck me about her bc in the show so far there was a lack of that(other than with Naruto). To me she is the glue and heart to team 7 because let’s face it if she wasn’t there most of it would have fallen apart.

The chunin exams Was the moment she got to truly shine. My girl took that test without a sweat when most people in that room came from ninja families and needed to cheat their way out. Not saying that that’s wrong that was the whole point of the test but she didn’t need to she was just that smart. And she uses the things she learns WELL. she is a genius on the battle field she is a quick thinker and comes up with brilliant plans even if she’s pushed to her end. Lets not forget the part that everyone remembers the most iconic moment where she cuts her own hair. She grew out her hair because she heard a rumor that Sasuke liked girls with long hair, and she cut it. That whole arc Sakura showed so much mental strength with everything going on. Naruto being passed out, Sasuke getting the curse mark, being constantly on edge, surrounded by plenty of dangerous people Attacking teams for fun. But she took charge and took care of her teammates even if she was weaker than anyone else she didn't care. Her fight with Ino one of my favorites from the Exams in general. She makes it clear that this fight wont be about Sasuke which people for some reason seem to forget!! Ino doesn't expect Sakura to even be a match to her and she fights with Equal fever and manages to break out of Inos mind jutsu. If you call her useless after that then idk what you’re watching at this point. That whole arc was just loving Sakura hours.

Getting towards the end of the first part of Naruto, Sakura realizes that she cannot get by merely with book smarts. Not downplay her already very honed skills. It would be a crime to not mention how she notices things (like the genjustu during the chunin attack) extremely quickly with not a lot of prior experience. The tension is rising for her teammates and Sasuke leaves. Even after all that Sakura picks her self up and vows to become stronger. She trains under Tsunade. Shippuden is filled with many more gems on Sakuras part. This is already very long so I’ll keep this short to name a few.

-Her fight with Sasori an Akatsuki member.(she was 15) -Taking the poison out of kankuro when no one else could. - Inner Sakura only makes an appearance once in Shippuden which shows she is much more confident in stating her opinions and reacting more freely. - Feels extremely guilty about Naruto putting his life on the line for her. Tries to confront Sasuke to deal with him herself so Naruto Doesn’t have to. Even if that was the man she has loved her whole life. -Healed Karin an enemy -Became one of the leading members of the war ( at this point I definitely believe she had already surpassed Tsunade) -Noticed that Neji was not actually Neji in like literally under a minute - Mass healing -Physically pumping Narutos heart like holy shit. - Saving Sasuke with he remaining of her chakra -Strength of hundred seal - PUNCHED A GOD IN THE FACE -RAISED A CHILD ALONE -OPENED A CLINIC FOR CHILDREN’S MENTAL HEALTH AFTER THE WAR, AND GOES TO SUNA TO HELP START THEIR OWN METAL HEALTH CLINIC

ALL BEFORE THE START OF EVEN BORUTO, AND HOW MUCH SHE HAS DONE IN THAT STORY ALREADY.

SAKURA HAS NEVER BEEN USELESS. PEOPLE THINK SO BC SHE CARES.

Ninja aren’t suppose to show emotion but fuck that noise Sakura will always be compassionate, helpful, and dedicated, and you can’t stop her. People call her useless bc she wasn't as flashy as the boys and held onto that nonsense thought since the beginning. If it wasn't for her thousands of people would be dead, Including plenty of main characters like Natuto, Karin, and Hinata to name a few. Give her the credit she deserves and stop calling her useless bc she was 12 and was taught basic ninja skills.

#Sakura Haruno #sakura #Naruto #naruto shippuden #Sakura hidden #ANYWAY LOVE THE QUEEN SAKURA #i never mentioned i wish she had gotten with ino lol I only liked sasuke till liek almost halfway of shippuden

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cookinguptales · 6 years ago

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I saw two films yesterday at the film festival! One I loved and one was... well, imo, a lot of wasted potential.

I went to go see Koreeda’s new film first, Shoplifters. I’ve always loved his films (though admittedly I just don’t have the heart to watch Nobody Knows) and I’ve always gone to see them during the festival. Usually they are… not packed. This time, though, I was shocked to show up and find a rush line around the block?? I didn’t even realize that it’d won the Palm d’Or. Really, really glad I preordered my ticket, especially bc I loved the film.

Later that evening, I went to go see Widows, which was Steve McQueen’s new film. It was fine? I’ll admit I was just expecting something other than what I got and I didn’t find what I got particularly engrossing. That was likely more an issue of taste than quality, though. Well. Some of it was probably quality.

(Note: I mentioned graphic depictions of sex work under the content warnings not because I want to be anti-sex work but like. I can definitely see how depictions of it could be triggering.)

Some more thoughts:

As I was walking out of Shoplifters, I heard a lady complaining about how slow the film had been and how long it had taken to establish what the relationships between the characters were and the mean little voice inside me was like You don’t deserve a Koreeda film!!

If you’ve seen many of his films, the movie is pretty much what you’d expect. It’s a very quiet film about family and how messy it can be. Apparently, this particular film was pretty controversial in Japan amongst their more nationalist groups (and Abe, which… as I said, among their more nationalist groups) because of its depiction of Japan’s underbelly and its criticisms of some of Japan’s social issues. Personally, I loved it.

It’s a film about this motley crew of thieves and con men that make up a messed up little family. The film begins with them “adopting” a new little girl. “Adopting” is a euphemistic word. It’s more like they realized a little girl was being terribly abused by her family and they kidnapped her. That’s sort of the crux of the film, you know? These are not moral people. They do awful things. They teach small children to shoplift instead of letting them go to school — but where did they find those kids to start with? There’s an uneasy question of morality in this film at all times, especially when hints start to arise that shoplifting might be the least of some of these folks’ crimes.

Koreeda is honestly one of my favorite directors ever when it comes to depicting difficult families. His characterization is so gradual and realistic that you almost forget that these are not real people. These characters aren’t related by blood, but they take care of each other. They kidnapped a child, but the kid’s real parents were horrifically abusive. So at a certain point, where do they stop playacting at family and where do they start becoming real family? And once they become a found family, what secrets are dark enough to make the members realize that this is perhaps not the found family they wish to be a part of? It is essentially a film that questions the bonds and boundaries of family, both biological and adoptive, and it’s beautifully done.

Koreeda’s always been a director who asks difficult questions about adoption vs. biological kin, and this film is probably most pointed in that regard. His films are littered with poor parents and children just trying to make the best of things, to the point where it’s pretty clear that he’s resentful towards Japan’s attitudes towards family. The wrenching ending of this film makes that especially clear. As always in his films, there are no neat answers to these difficult questions.

The film is, as expected, beautifully shot and acted. It’ll also make your heart absolutely ache. It’s not as viscerally upsetting as Nobody Knows, but damn if it isn’t close. Definitely sadder than Like Father Like Son, one of my favorites of his, and that movie is pretty upsetting. The ache feels worth it, though. It’s just this grimy and lovely story all at once and I enjoyed it thoroughly.

(CW: brutal (if not graphic) child abuse, child injury, death (adult), graphic depictions of sex work. Definitely NSFW in spots, so I guess maybe don’t watch it with your parents.)

And then later I went to go see Widows. It wasn’t entirely the film I was expecting, and honestly, I don’t know that I liked what it was. The film was really billed as a feminist heist movie and uh. I guess a heist happened and there were some vague gestures towards Strong Female Protagonists. It was still a surprisingly dude-centric movie, though, with a depressingly predictable plot. It’s certainly not a fun movie, I’ll tell you that. It’s pretty brutal in spots and most of the characters range from boring to unlikable. Part of the problem is that the film vacillated wildly between an organized crime film to a heist film to a political film to a film about a romance to a generic action film to a film that occasionally flirted with actually important issues. But because it hopped around so much, I didn’t really feel satisfied with any one part.

It was basically a story about these women who’d been married to Crime Folks and when a Crime that the Crime Folks went bad, they all became widows. One particular widow (Viola Davis) got saddled with her Supreme Crime Husband’s shit, so she had to pull off his last heist with the other widows so they’d be out of debt to the people he’d fucked over. The other widows actually had very little to do with this bc they only had Minor Crime Husbands, but she dragged them into it anyway because I guess that’s just the kind of person she was. A lot of the film was pretty much Viola Davis bullying the other women into doing things and then feeling sorry for herself because she married a crime guy and that turned out to be a bad thing. There were also side plots about political machinations I didn’t care about and some organized crime which seemed to basically amount to David Kaluuya graphically torturing and murdering people to, idk, make the film brutal? Those scenes often felt fairly pointless and took up way too much time. He’s bad, I get it, what’s your point?

All the twists were pretty obvious. There was a scene about police brutality that I guess they could have bothered to do something interesting with, but it never went anywhere. (Nor did any of the political questions about social issues.) Honestly, the whole subplot about the dead son felt extraneous. I could sort of see what they were maybe aiming for? That she felt like he didn’t want their family because he was white and they weren’t and he didn’t want to deal with their lived reality and that made all the betrayals worse? But it never really came together, which was a pity. Like many aspects of the movie, it could have been something really interesting if they’d just given it some real thought and focus. Honestly, almost any of the plot lines could have been really good if they’d had their own movie. But uh. They didn’t. So it was kind of a mess. Maybe that’s what annoys me most. There was potential there but it went unrealized. So tons of things just felt extraneous and/or absolutely useless.

To be fair, the acting was obviously superb. It was pretty much carried by Viola Davis. Just wish the writing had been there. Like Viola Davis could act as hard as she wanted, that didn’t make her character particularly interesting or sympathetic. Every time she’d cry about her horrible dead husband and the predicament she was in, I was just like. Cool I mean I guess this is what happens when you marry a guy you know is a shit. None of the betrayals felt particularly shocking considering, like, it was established from scene one that he was a shitty guy. She just felt naive to the point of stupidity sometimes. Or maybe just self-involvement. And like. It’s hard to feel bad for a person who didn’t care if her husband hurt people as long as none of it affected her. Like I’m sorry that you’re reaping what you sowed, I guess? I’m not rooting for you, lady, nor do I even find you interesting as an antihero. (None of them were interesting. None of them. Most of them were stereotypes or otherwise shallowly-written characters.) Like I legit did not care who won the election or who got the money by the end of it.

On the upside, tho, there was a lot of Cynthia Erivo in the last third of the movie and boy am I here for her!! The character had barely anything as far as real characterization but I mean. Cynthia Erivo. By the end of the movie I was just kind of zoned out and watching Erivo do stuff. So that part was fun, at least. Everything else… not so much.

(CW: some fairly gory violence, graphic depiction of sex work (that was somewhat coerced), abusive parent-child relationships, mobility devices being taken from a disabled person in a fairly traumatic fashion, torture, death, racial slurs, extremely graphic police brutality, racism, sexism, animal abuse, implied child endangerment, graphically NSFW, etc.)

#movies #film festival films

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