#and god knows i dont want to be perceived as straight

[somekindafairy]

so anyway i mentioned how i used to think i was straight and made some friends laugh so hard they almost popped something and im not sure how to take it

[steven-has-exploded]

ive yet to really see anyone else point this out but i think fyodor is going to end up being one of the most gut-wrenchingly unstable and sympathetic (to ME atleast) characters in bsd. what i perceive as foreshadowing for this has all been pretty vague, but thats really only further ammunition considering the way asagiri likes to write via throwing the wildest shit at us out of nowhere at 50mph and expecting us to deal with it. how did i first come to this conclusion? harukawas eye thing

this is going to be long please proceed with caution if you read slowly or just not at literal supersonic speed. rant under cut u know how this works

for those unaware or who have since forgotten the exact details, here is the image explaining harukawas thing with eyes, click to read;

so. fyodors eyes are usually very light, which a few other people have pointed out is probably due to the fact he genuinely believes his goal of ridding the world of abilities is following gods will; almost everything he does is a necessary evil to acheive the idealistic dream of a world without abilities. he understands his actions are wrong, but you cant go through with a goal such as that without doing morally reprehensible things in the process. anws so as user wildflowerteas pointed out his eyes are extremely dark after hes resurrected

now, could this just be signifying that fyodor can now continue doing his fucked up little deeds via his functional immortality? yes. but asagiri doesnt seem to write that way and i need an excuse to defend fyodor because im insane

asagiri generally doesnt write characters, especially important ones, as subscribing to one specific side of the moral compass. sure, there are characters that are more morally good or bad or gray than others, but not every one of their actions is as such. characters arent straight heroes or villains in their actions, and sometimes not even narratively; fitzgerald did everything for his wife to finally be happy and see her daughter again, dazai still trained akutagawa the way he did despite knowing it was abusive because his circumstances couldnt allow him to change before oda died, et cetera

so, lets interpret it another way. fyodors eyes being dark after resurrection may not be a reflection of his sinister personality, but rather the way he views and experiences his own countless deaths. he is purified in death and tainted when hes brought back; at peace in his last moments and destroyed when hes alive again. so what conclusion did this realization bring me to? fyodor is a suicidal maniac and hates his ability hear me out Please

in hindsight it seems really obvious to me now; what other reason could have spurred him on to try to desperately to erase abilities if not because he himself despises his own? his ability is truly the purest act of cruelty someone can experience when driven to the point he has been; it lets him bask in the calm of death, the comfort of everything finally ending, the solace that hes going to be finally rewarded for his actions by god. but only for a moment. once that moment is over, hes torn back into the world of the living, in the body of his own killer, the corpse of his last vessel staring him in the face as if to mock him for what he could never have. it deprives him of the human right to even die. what kind of person who claims to love all humanity wouldnt want to free the world of abilities, if others' have caused them as much pain as his has to him?

okok i apologize for making u hear me wax poetic about an anime twink version of fyodor dostoevsky but if youre still not convinced, which is ok i can see why this would be very insane to someone who isnt obsessed with this guy, i want you to just imagine for a moment how living with that kind of power would effect you. while we dont know fyodors exact age, we can assume that hes been alive for at least about 500 years due to his ability. fyodor isnt some kind of immortal being that has a conveniently human form, he is an actual human being who was first murdered presumably just in his twenties based on his appearance, who then had to slowly come to the realization that he will experience small spots of death before having to continue the same cycle of immortality for forever. human beings cant grasp the concept of infinity; our brains arent wired to deal with the idea, because everything in our own lives comes to an end. fyodor will never experience that. even if you view him as plain evil, pure and simple, no human being wishes to have their brain broken by the hands of infinity. and yet thats what fyodor is experiencing

[solei-eclipse]

honestly, all i can think about is the potential of azuresolei/soleiazure ever since @aurienneirua introduced to me to the idea cuz like think about it

they're opposites of eachother, in a way they are doomed, and they have the possible dynamic of 'im too far gone' x 'i want to save you' (actually maybe not cuz i dont remember if solei is part of a rebellion or not lol)

oh my god???? wait. cook.

when I first read azure's whole philosophy I was so intrigued by it because it was the opposite to solei's whole thing. loving life and finding so much meaning in it that you do whatever it takes to survive x firmly believing in the quick inevitably of death and becoming apathetic to everything else because it seems like a waste. augh.

there are many other people in the garden just waiting to die (aurien, moran I believe? and some others) but the difference is that they still form connections, they still have something to make of their lives before they go. azure just straight up avoids it, only bothering when it can further his goals (im very intrigued to know what he's hiding beneath the surface. eventually)

I mentioned in a previous answered ask that if solei had the opportunity to, they'd try and save as many people as they could before graduation. even the ones who might have been content to just die. it seems that azure fits perfectly into that now. I can only imagine the kind of back and forth they would have.

in the future (after graduation) solei isn't actually in a rebellion/organization (at least not anymore) but they may or may not plan something in regards to the new season of alien stage....... the odds are stacked against them but they've decided it's better to try than to do nothing.

though I wonder if "I'm too far gone" is because azure's literally beyond saving or if that's just how he perceives himself? is there a part of him that secretly feels otherwise? we may never know.....

thank you for bringing it up !!! I am very intrigued by this development and would love to hear more of what you think !!

[edible-star-soup]

“how can i feel so much love for everyone around me but its not romantic”

“How can I feel so much for people but every time I think it’s romantic I don’t actually like them and I’m just delusional”

“oh”

“Yours must suck so bad. I can’t even imagine loving and feeling things for people but it never being romantic. I do like people on the infatuation level sometimes but because I analyze them so in depth there’s always something that icks me out. I don’t think I’ve ever really loved someone tho. I’m a firm believer in if you loved them you wouldn’t fall out of love with them. You can move on, but you’ll always love them.”

“we are so different”

“why?”

“just our beliefs and experiences”

“oh”

“maybe you need to stop analyzing things that are only there for you, see what theyre showing, instead of what you think you see”

“No I analyze what they’re showing. Cause when you ignore your instincts that’s when you get hurt.”

“oh”

“i dont go like psycho crazy in depth like learn their every aspect to analyze them. Just like the orange peel theory”

“the what?”

“You ask them if they’ll peel an orange for you, If they say yes, even if with hesitation, it shows that they will put effort in. If they straight up say no or make excuses, it shows they don’t wanna put effort in because that’s your job. Anyways I don’t know how to explain my thinking but like I don’t analyze everything. Like ofc there’s people that are date material I just don’t like them. Cause everyone has mistakes so yknow. It’s not like every little mistake or imperfection matters but”

“ill never get you”

“ill never get me either. Maybe i should just mess around and have fun kissing everybody like you do”

“idk man i guess i just feel like maybe im falling behind, i feel so much for so many people and i want to love them like a lover would and make them feel happy like a lover would, and i feel bad knowing that everyone will always have someone that will make them happier than i do. no matter what i do about it, i cant love them like they want. and its worse because someone will put into words all they want in someone to love and ill be everything they list but i just, cant love them”

“oh”

“no because i feel romance i fall in love with everything around me all the time and i know what its like to want and to love and be loved but its just not a romance like how others perceive it. i have so much feeling for absolutely everything, but its just not what somebody wants to be with, because i cant love them like they want, but i do.”

“I don’t know how to explain how I feel, I like people and there are people that I would date if given a chance but I don’t like them. I don’t desire to be with anyone but I crave romance. I don’t like people very often but on occasion I do, But I don’t wanna do anything about it because I’d rather sit with my feelings than lose that one ray of hope”

“oh my god were different”

“yeah were different”

“i think everytime we talk personally we get more and more different, or just find more differences”

“Like there’s nobody I want romantically but I WANT a love life. And when I do want someone I can’t do anything about it cause the only time I feel human is when I like someone and I don’t like not feeling human. i just float around. like a damn jellyfish. But when I like someone I feel like I exist. So I can’t do anything about it because if and when they say they don’t like me back they’ll disappear and I’ll be inhuman again. i dont know how to explain it better than that. i just want to feel man. Like ofc I occasionally feel real. But most things just don’t feel real at all.”

“i promise theres more humanity in you than just your feelings for others, if that helps”

[indigo6f00ff]

ive finally beat the dlc for cassette beasts which means I have like 90% of the story done (before I grind the board) but also I just have to say (spoilers if u haven't beaten the game + dlc yet, also kind of me just being a hater so if you don't feel like reading negative stuff about this game, Then Dont)

the writing with Gwen is kind of weird. honestly the archangels as a whole are weird (especially with morgante being like "okay now I have to kill u teehee as is my nature" after you stop like untold death and destruction. But That's For Another Day)

like am I supposed to feel bad for her? sure she's lonely but I mean. the whole trying to do live experiments on humans thing. viewing them as like straight-up animals instead of like, people. and only promising not to do it, not because it's wrong, but because we as the player character are stronger than her. obviously she'd like have this whole outlook being a god and all, and the game does kind of have a heavy theme with "might makes right" since it's an rpg and The Good Guys™ need a way to like initiate the main gameplay of the game in order to get rid of/convince The Bad Guys™ but uh. why is she then cast in a sympathetic light after she throws a Godly Temper-Tantrum and just goes. oh well you beat me, that's why I won't experiment on peeps, because you beat me, and not because it has many ethical flaws.

And Ok I Get That This Is A Kids Game but if u know me I love complaining about the writing in kid's games and I feel like it would make Gwen a more compelling character if she like, learned to Literally Not Dehumanize Humans Just Because She Perceives Herself As A Superior Lifeform. im getting fucking hatecrimed by these immortals man. what's the point if she doesn't have any character growth and just thinks something is bad without actually knowing why it's bad.

the gods in this game are fucken weird man. like pretty much every one of them has contempt for humans, or at least treats humans as lesser lifeforms just because they aren't as powerful as them. even the fucking mer-line is like "ugh mortals are Below me I'm sending magikrab to go talk to them instead." while presumably being the one who's sending everyone to new wirral when there's no way back. so-

if Gwen is supposed to be a character that's different from the other archangels in the fact that she's fascinated with humans and wants to be around them, whyyy isn't she given more character growth to make her overcome her inherent biases as a Literal God. maybe bytten has more planned for her later down the line but her story felt pretty self-contained and not much else is gonna happen with it Sooo. :) yet another character that I despise (exaggerating) that seeks sympathy even tho they've done nothing to warrant it

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

can i be a lesbian who uses he/him pronouns? my reasoning for this is:

i am afab, i like girls, and i do not want to medically transition. i cannot even wear a binder and stuff as I’d like to for a good many years until i’m out of my parents house. i don’t use labels for my gender but if i did have to label my gender identity it would be something like genderfluid and agender. i dont feel like i have a gender but i fluctuate between feeling like i want to present masculine and use he/him, like i wanna present adroynous and use they/them, like i wanna present as feminine and use she/her. but i feel masc presenting and comfy w/ he/him most of the time. however, i’m only out to like two people, and both of them, while queer or a good ally, still see me as a girl bc i go the same girls school as them, cant present as masc, etc. and it’s obviously the same everywhere else - society, friends, family, treat me like a girl, even if i’m not one. i grew up as girl, i feel like - i only started feeling like i wanted to use he/him and present as masc in my late teens. and i like girls! i love girls. and my love for girls and for women is so shaped my the fact that i spent most of my life as a girl (feeling like one, that is), so shaped my the fact that society and friends and family perceive me as a girl even tho i’m not. that’s why calling myself straight would feel…. wrong, at least to me, you know? bc. yeah. i do wanna present as masc and use he/him pronouns most of the time. but i’m never really gonna be seen as a boy by most people. i wasn’t a boy for most of my life. and my love for girls and women is shaped so much by those two things that i feel comfortable with the term lesbian, while simultaneously wanting to be addressed by he/him pronouns. so, like….. it feels so awful, i feel like such a terrible person. bc i’be spent so long fighting myself out and now that i finally feel like i’m comfy with my identity i don’t actually feel comfortable at all, i feel like i’m hurting women, or i’m stupid. i just saw a post the other day that said smth like ‘while every1 can identify as they wish it bothers me that he/him ppl use the term lesbian, as women need a term solely for women who like women’ which, like. i feel terrible about. women have been through so much already for all of history, there’s a reason l comes before g in the acronym, and i don’t wanna stomp on them and all the progress they’ve made, i don’t want to be a bad person…. But at the same time, oh god, after years of trying to figure myself out, i finally feel like i have. and i’m happy with that fact, really happy. but i’m also so angry at myself bc i don’t wanna harm the community by using a label that maybe doesn’t belong to me…? is it ok for me to use the term lesbian and he/him pronouns, or should i just… not? idkkk😭

Of course you can man fuck yeah!!!!!! You can do whatever you want forever of course you can be a he/him lesbian!!!!!!

You’re not a terrible person, you’re not stupid, and you’re not hurting anyone. A lot of lesbians have complex relationships with gender and aren’t just Cis Women. You can be a masc lesbian, be agender and genderfluid, and use he/him!! The Queer Police aren’t gonna break your door down homie do what feels comfortable with your identity!!

There’s a long history of he/him lesbians and you’re not hurting anyone. If you wanna use he/him, use he/him.

The foundation of the queer community is to allow people to express themselves, be happy and comfortable in who they are. You’re not harming anyone in the least—you are what this community is all about. Be who you are, and if who you are is a lesbian who wants to use he/him, go ahead!!!!

Sending love, and I hope I could help you out <3

[voiceofsword]

NIKI'S NEW FS IS SO CUTEE!!?!?! not at all what i was expecting it to be, he looks like he's about to go on a little adventure i love it 🥰 what are your thoughts? Any insights 👀👀

YESS oh my god ok. i wrote a little analysis after the fact even tho we cant really see a lot of his outfit properly? so a lot of this might just be straight up Wrong when the card actually drops — i apologize in advance if it just sounds like im waxing poetic!!!!!

putting it here for ease of viewing!!

ok, here’s some of my thoughts on niki fs2 and how up until now, it’s been theorized that fs2 is how the characters perceive themselves, rather than how the audience perceives them.

niki himself seems like he would choose the safe option. he’s someone that wants nothing more than a peaceful life but his development has shown that he’s becoming more welcoming to the idea of getting outside of that comfort zone, of allowing himself more luxuries, of allowing himself to want rather than just what he needs. i think the obvious direct comparison that can be drawn is where he’s standing — in fs1, he’s standing indoors, in a kitchen, which also suits him, obviously, that’s his home. but in fs2 he’s outside, presumably in a greenhouse of sorts?

there’s not really any way of knowing until the full card illust comes out, but i think the point to be made here lies in the freedom this implies: kitchen is comfortable, niki’s safe space, one where he knows he’s good, and doesn’t pose a burden to other people. being outside, in a greenhouse, suggests two things: one being that if he’s breaking out of the one space where he feels most at peace, it’s on his own terms. that he’s more adventurous, that he’s okay with feeling vulnerable, that he’s no longer scared but excited to face the world. 

two is a bit more complicated and takes a bit of looking at his outfit and the props around him.

there’s a bottle of cumin on the right side, and presumably allspice falling in front of him — both native from outside of japan (west asia/middle east and central america/caribbean respectively).

niki’s backstory reveals that his parents left him following a series of scandals (ive talked about this extensively and if you follow me atp im assuming you know), and to this day it’s assumed that they’re still traveling around the world discovering new ingredients. and we also know for a fact that niki himself has taken up that mantle as part of his idol career, traveling around for cooking variety shows — im not going to say this is some grand overarching gesture resembling niki forgiving his parents because i dont think there’s ever been any point where niki has held outstanding contempt for their choices. however i do think it symbolizes something for the idol world and how niki once again manages to be a sort of ‘glue’ that holds these two worlds together, similarly to his role in crazyb: while there was a period where the idol industry and culinary industry crashed in entertainment, niki is responsible for patching those relations up, not through any over-calculating strategy, but rather, through being himself, through his passion for cooking, and newfound love for being an idol — it was never about any grudges with him, only growth!!

he doesnt want to become his parents, but not out of hatred, because he’s someone different! he wants to explore the world and spread his love for food, not out of fear of staying somewhere that might hurt him, but because he has the strength to! because he has people to support him on his journey, not a lack thereof! 

and then moving on to the bulk of his outfit, most of it being revealing with very baggy bits hanging off, i’ve seen some people mention it looks kind of..messy? which isnt entirely incorrect but i think it’s nice, bc it almost feels like the baggier clothes are hanging off of him, being “peeled off” and revealing more of himself. inhibitions are being set aside, he no longer wishes to make himself smaller, no longer wishes to hide who he is in fear of inconveniencing others, and i think the more haphazard state of his outfit represents that awkward stage fairly well — transitioning from that insecure kid left behind by his parents to someone who is full of love for what he does and wants to share it with his newfound friends, family, and fans. also the little bottom part of the waistwrap has yummy written on it. please note his eager, happy expression and raised hand like he’s ready to take on the world !! i already mentioned in another post how i think it looks like an rpg outfit and i really mean it ^_^

AND COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO ANY SYMBOLISM..HIS HAIR'S LONGER? or it looks longer.. maybe he'll get his ponytail pushed back rather than on his shoulder? how could you get more gorgeous.. oh my god. please. save me

 niki shiina i love you

[cbk1000]

HI!! ID LOVE TO KNOW UR THOUGHTS ON THIS (if u dont mind me asking)

Why do u think so many women gravitate or feel more comfortable reading/writing mlm fiction?

I don't think it's that they necessarily feel more comfortable reading/writing m/m fiction, I think it's that so much of media revolves around men that m/m ships are overwhelmingly more numerous because it's slim pickings for female characters. I saw a post on here a while ago that broke down all possible ship combinations using the Marvel fandom as an example, and there were infinitely more choices for m/m ships simply because there were so many male characters. Fandom is also a space, in my experience, with a lot of queer people, so I think a lot of what you're seeing with the preponderance of m/m ships in fandom is simply a lot of queer women wanting to tell queer stories, and having, in many fandoms, more, and more well-developed, male characters and relationships between men to explore. And too I think it might be that we see a lot of intense male relationships portrayed on screen, and have even coined a whole phrase, 'bromance', to make sure people understand that the romantic elements they're seeing are not, in fact, actually gay, because God forbid. I imagine seeing a story that looks queer, only to be told that it is not, is frustrating for people who have spent a very long time waiting for representation in media, and fandom gives them the opportunity to redo those stories by making them explicitly gay.

When we're talking about traditionally published fiction versus fanfiction, while I have read some gay novels written by men who, I think, are gay (I won't list them as examples of gay fiction written by gay men because off the top of my head, only one author I'm thinking of is for sure out as gay, and I'm not positive about the others, and it's none of my business how they identify), most of what's available in the m/m genre does seem to have been written by women. But romance as a genre has always been dominated by female writers. It's the one genre where they aggressively outsell male writers. Any romance, regardless of the sexuality of the main pairing, is more likely to have been written by a woman.

Also, I think, no matter how open-minded they are, straight male writers are less likely to write in detail about a gay couple. They might have a gay couple or character on the side, but most of them likely are not going to set out to tell a story about men being in love with one another. There will always be exceptions to this, of course, since it's a generalization, and Sebastian Barry is one such example of a male writer who, so far as I know, identifies as straight but wrote a novel about two men falling in love for his son, shortly after he came out as gay. But men, even those who are not anti-LGBT, have still usually been socialized not to act in ways that might be perceived as gay, and writing a gay romance is going to be perceived as pretty gay. So you narrow down your potential pool of writers a lot when you take out the majority of straight men, leaving mostly women, who don't have to worry that they'll be taken as a gay man if they write about one, and gay men, who are kind of, you know, already gay. Obviously there are a lot more female writers, gay and straight, than there are gay male writers, so again the chances of a woman writing m/m are just higher based on sheer volumes and the fact that romance stories are overwhelmingly a space made by women for women.

[switchytransboy]

What are your biggest red flags when it comes to making new tickle friends? I remember you saying you’ve been in this community for 10 years or something now 😂 thought you’d have good tips!

oh god don’t make me feel old saying that back to me even if it’s true 😂😂 but here’s some off the top of my head:

1. if they don’t put effort into conversation unless it’s about tickling. i’m not here just to be a tickle toy (until i know you better at least 😉) i’m here to make friends into the same things as i and THEN see if things end up happening! so that means i look for people who i get along with, who care to talk to me about other things, care about me as a person etc

2. being trans my guard is HIGH and im very aware of how im being treated, respected and perceived. the instant i feel as if im being fetishized or disrespected, im out. if i get the impression that im talking to a straight man who’s only talking to me as a form of settling due to not having a female lee to hit up (since my body has certain parts cis females also have) then im out. i dont stand for hatred of any kind, disrespect, misgendering, or fetishization. been there, done that.

3. if they try to rush into teasing or meet ups. being so tickle desperate that it makes you socially unaware and straight up weird or disrespectful is an instant block. building a good and lasting connection in kink takes a little time and going slow for many people, me being one.

4. continuously messaging when i don’t answer. and i don’t mean it being a day or a few days, i mean if i go a couple hours without responding and come back to several messages trying to bait responses from me, im out. all of us here live our own lives and are adults working jobs tryna just make it through the day, a lack of response from me usually just means im tired asf and need a couple to be up to holding a conversation. not anything personal! don’t let anyone think they’re entitled to responses from you.

5. if any weird comments are made about my partner or relationship, i’m out.

these are the main ones i live by being trans and queer in this community, i know different people all have different red flags due to living different lives as well! i even have more i could list if anyone wanted since there’s so much shit that has happened in my ~decade here in this chaotic app lmaooo

[f1-birb]

it's not necessarily reading twitter or insta comments (i don't use twitter much at all anymore and i've had mclaren blocked on all socials since the ricciardo days when they were allowing their team to get harrassed too lol), but it's just like you can curate your spaces so well and you're still going to get posts recommended to you from these damn algorithms that are like “lando is washed,” “lando is going to get exposed,” and idk it gets old.

even reddit, which used to be a voice of reason when it came to actually discussing races/drivers, you cannot have a single lando thread without half the comments being about lando never winning a race or oscar beating him to the first race win and it's like oh my god. who the fuck cares. ocon got the win over alonso in 2021, do people actually think ocon is a significantly better driver than alonso. carlos got ferrari's only win and the only non-rbr win in 2023, do people really think he's significantly better than most of the grid, including his teammate charles? george is mercedes’ last race winner. do people, especially after last year, truly think he's at a higher level than lewis right now? like wins are great. i'd sacrifice my firstborn for lando to get a race win. if oscar gets one first, that's fine. it doesn't mean lando has failed or is washed up or isn't as talented. (i also feel like half of these people don't even like or care about oscar, they just want to see lando get beat. like theres this sick trend on tumblr, reddit, media in general of wanting to see oscar win first and lando fall in this unbeatable depression that has me like what the everliving fuck is wrong with you, but i also have enough decency to think actual mental health problems should be off-limits as criticisms. theres a difference between saying one driver handles pressure better than another, an actual analysis/criticism, versus wishing to see a driver struggle mentally for entertainment).

and this is nothing against oscar at all. it's pretty apparent lando likes him, the team likes him, and he's a major talent. there's just loud parts of his “fanbase” (again i use this term loosely because half these people dont seem to care as much about oscar as they do seeing lando get “exposed” or whatever the fuck) that lack the ability to praise him without shitting all over lando.

and idk. i have full belief in lando as a driver. but some of these criticisms hit pretty close to home when you follow and support him because he's the driver you find most relatable and suddenly the majority of the criticism isn't about his driving, but his character or personality and how people perceive that.

i also just think this overanalysis of his mistakes while others get this free pass because fans/media always insist on blaming the team or others (won't name names, but i have a feeling based on other of your posts/answers, you know who I'm mostly thinking about) will continue into 2024 and i just don't feel like dealing with it anymore. i'm stuck in a shitty job i'm not really enjoying until at least august, f1 used to be an escape from that, but shitty people have ruined that too. and unfortunately I've been around the media enough that even if i did watch the races on mute so i wouldn't have the shitty sky commentary to annoy me even more, i would still know subconsciously what narratives were being spread and i just don't have the emotional stability to care about this motorsport atm.

fe and indycar? sure. like i cannot tell you how many times my favorite indycar driver did not capitalize on opportunities to win last year, yet this year all of the socials are uplifting and asking for predictions on how many races he will win, not betting that he retires with every most (insert accomplishment here) without a win like f1 does. i used to call those 2 my comfort series but i don't think they provide comfort so much as they're so much less toxic than f1 that i don't have to worry about my favorite drivers being straight up harassed instead of just their driving critiqued.

i'd love to follow lando, and oscar, and the entire team through both the highs and the lows as i have for many years now, but i just don't have the energy in me anymore. it's been feeling like a chore instead of a fun little hobby to watch for a while now, and i thought i would find some enjoyment out of it again at some point, but i just can't anymore. i will definitely be sticking around to read your writing though, just maybe not commentary on race weekends.

anyway this got so very long, i'm so sorry. this isn't an airport and i don't need to announce my departure, i guess i just had a lot of things building up that i needed to get out.

no need to apologise at all, I've always said my asks are open for rants or venting or just needing to let it out

I'm sorry there's not a lot I can say to what you've said because I agree with a hell of a lot of it and fully get where you're coming from

there's no point making yourself sad, upset, angry over it and while I know it'll suck to miss out on the racing since that's what you actually care about, maybe a break sounds like a good idea actually especially if you've got life things too

I'm preeeeettty good at tagging stuff so hopefully that'll help you navigate my blog at least, but since I do post a Lot on race weekends if I post writing it's always tagged "birb writes" and that's a featured tag for easy access - but it's so sweet that you'd stick around for my writing, it means a lot <3

[beeflibeef]

very interesting & fitting 4 wadda!!! i also love the designs of idate..... think u could tell us more abt the au concept or u havent thought it out too far? :o

I just made it up for fun, not much to it; But the concept behind that magic is a bit strange: the witches technically summon the gods or demons but they dont summon actual originals, but a spirit of them.

Something like an astral projection?. The copies that contain spirits of the actual persons but that can be bent by the witch's mind - that's why they look different and wear different attires.

so technically summons are: part of spirit + witch'es imagination.

---

Even though the summons aren't fully the respective characters but a projection with a part of the characters' soul, they dont have the same level of power the originals have but are still powerful

When demon / god is summoned , the actual person goes through a strange half-asleep state because they literally have a part of their spirit taken to a different place. Fumus hated it so much that he asked Chlomaki to only summon him when things get Really bad.

Wada and Idate

Wadanohara is sweet and nice and hence Idate looks galant and powerful - because that's how she perceives him. So Idate-based summon's looks depends on Wadanohara's vision on him.

Wadda is nice and doesnt want to make things so her summons are close to the originals (but cooler).

Nadine and Fumus

With Chlomaki it's a bit complicated because - i dont know whether intentionally or not - Fumus summon's looks and personality is based on her preferences and dreams instead. It's like she rejects Fumus's actual personality and makes up a version she likes instead.

this type of magic further cements the idea that witches are free-spirited and they do what they want.

When demon / god is summoned , the actual person goes through a strange half-asleep state because they literally have a part of their spirit taken to a different place. Fumus hated it so much that he asked Chlomaki to only summon him when things get Really bad.

Chlomaki straight up jiggles the personality and looks to her tastes and mood, not caring for how the person actually is-

[dapperrokyuu]

Round 5 Teaser Speculation

Quick, messy, meletonin-induced speculation about the upcoming round in ~4 hours because (1) Ive been wanting to, (2) screw it, and (3) thank god, the teaser is only, like, 5 frames, lol.

This is either a random contestant Luka briefly reminisces about to highlight his winning streak in Alien Stage or this is definitely Sua. Sue, either surviving and/or somehow saved by Luka or her death post-Round 1 through Luka's eyes. While I would greatly welcome the former since I would love to learn more about Sua and see her potentially impacting the story more, I think the latter is more likely, unfortunately. (But Id love to be proven wrong, do it, Vivinos...!)

Its easy to assume that the character in this frame would be Sua, especially after realizing the character in the first frame cant be Hyuna (who was the knee-jerk reaction due to character proximity and her being one of the only character unintroduced). But a possibility I would like to consider is this character being...Mizi.

Things to consider:

Its Luka and Mizi's round next video. Someone's bound to lose. And while Id love a spontaneous escape scene potentially involving Hyuna, the possibility of someone just losing is very possible too. And Luka is someone who has already won before...

Luka's attitude towards his opponent and Alien Stage as a concept demonstrates he has no qualms about winning and someone dying, while Mizi may still be compromised by experiencing Sua's death.

According to the ALIEN STAGE MAGAZINE👽entries, INTERVIEW WITH LUKA and A Legendary Comeback Coming Soon!, Luka shows complete disregard for his opponent (presumably Mizi) and thinks of Alien Stage as a positive thing. Additionally, he completely destroyed his appointent in the first round with, "...the highest recorded score in the history of ALNST." While I would love Mizi to completely bounce back from a traumatizing moment in her life, I dont expect her to because thats unrealistic and even if she did, Luka has way more experience and confidence/apathy--he doesnt care about her life or holding back at all.

However...

Mizi is straight up our protagonist, it is implied here (bottom screenshot) and here (video description). So...she cant exactly die yet. (Though Im open to the idea that Hyuna will suddenly become our protagonist. I will just also be Very Sad).

Luka has privileges due to winning Alien Stage and may have the abilities to and a vested interest in keeping Mizi (and this may apply to Sua too) alive.

Where do I get this from? In the My Clematis: The First-Ever Harmony magazine entry, Sua and Mizi's round was applauded for the chemistry between them creating a performance Alien Stage has never experienced before. It is noted for almost being a tie and how Sua and Mizi are close friends.

INTERVIEW WITH LUKA also shows that Luka values the performance aspect in Alien Stage, even stating, "Focusing solely on the performance and putting on the perfect stage is what every participant should have in mind." That is something Sua and Mizi explicitly did, as what is noted about Round 1 is that the two got lost in performing together. And this is something that Luka has never done before.

Additionally, in A Legendary Comeback Coming Soon!, Luka also portrays a...possessiveness? Over his winner position in Alien Stage, saying, "I will make sure no one dares to covet this new throne.” If he perceives Mizi as capable of toppling him, theres the potential interest, whether its positive or negative. This actually strengthens my thoughts on the character (who's hand is being kissed) being Mizi post-loss rather than Sua (since Sua lost).

And thus, Luka would keep Mizi alive and would be observing footage about Sua because he wants to know how they did what he could not. And potentially how he could do the same? (Which would lead him to learning about friends connections with humans and passions beyond serving aliens. c:)

Anyways, I could go more on this but this is long enough and brain melty. I mostly made this to see whether or not Im right about ANYTHING I speculate in this, lol. If youve read this far, I hope you had a fun time and thank you! And regardless of whether you did, have a wonderful day! c:

[lilredghost]

baby bestie because i read chp 14 so late im feeling like its my birthday, that i get chp 15 so early!! can i just quickly take the moment to scream about the dream scene??? all those little tells that maybe this isnt right (inception vibes). this was so brilliant

also obi's downward spiral about if anakin loves him or married himbeacuse he is an alpha IM CRYING WITH HIM OH GOD WHAT IF OBI NEVER CLAIMED HE WAS AN ALPHA AND STILL RULED OBIKIN WOULD NEVER HAVE MET PLS

Obi-Wan has had a hard time keeping his head on straight, this last week. A harder time than usual, anyway.

A side effect of all the stress, perhaps. babygirl change your suppresants pls theyre stressing you out i still dont trust komari she is maham anga's character for a reason

Anakin's hand has settled on his thigh; it grips him tight, bold and claiming, under the table.

Obi-Wan wonders if it will leave bruises.

The fingers creep closer— not further up but further in, ghosting the edge of the scent gland there— and Obi-Wan has to swallow back his arousal, trying to focus on Luminara. oh he's so jealous thisis such a good thing to read in fics but somehow such a red flag irl uk ill read any fic if it says possesive anakin

He feels like he’s back in his wedding finery, wondering why his fiancé won’t look at him.

His husband won’t look at him. i cried then for obi-wan and im crying for now poor baby had all his childhood dreams broken like sugar glass and now he knows anakin may never have married him????? i love it when u put obi-wan thru the horrors

im just gonna very casually read thru the rst of the fic again cause i simply love the writing style in this and i have creative writing hostel championship coming up so. uk. i would really like to write as well as you

(Referring to ch 15 of Their fragrance came from you)

Baby!! I had so much fun with the dream scenes honestly!! I felt so evil writing it but it was so so satisfying (summary of this whole chapter honestly). My aim with those slightly wrong things was that you wouldn't quite be able to tell if it was just Obi-Wan's unreliable narration at work (especially because he often has moments where he's caught up in something and "doesn't quite remember"/"didn't realize" something happened), or if there was actually something wrong! I also thought about having the whole dream sequence in italics, but I wanted the reader to take Obi-Wan's introspection about not being an alpha seriously.

And the repetition of things which happened in the dream, but slightly different… idk what drove me to do that, but I'm soooo happy I did. I think it adds so much flavor in showing how Obi-Wan perceives the world (or how he fears it to be) vs. how it actually is!

Ahhh the concept of Obi-Wan openly being the first omega ruler from the beginning! He would have come out sooo much less depressed 🥺🥺 (But maybe, in some ways, more stern? He has to show that he's not soft just because he's an omega, after all!) I love to think that in an AU like this, Stewjon and Tatooine still needed that mutual help so they went to make an alliance. But since there's no immediate candidate that's obvious for marriage, Tatooine doesn't write anything about marriage in their terms, hoping it will pass under the radar (it does). They settle instead on a sort of cultural exchange where Anakin will come spend some time in Jedha and then later Obi-Wan will go and visit Mos Espa. And hey, two omegas in positions of power… working closely together…. Obi-Wan gets to be Anakin's friend without jumping through all the hoops. Anakin gets to learn all about Obi-Wan's secret dreams of marriage. And then Obi-Wan's heat rolls around, and Anakin offers to help, and-- Well, the rest is history!

"babygirl change your suppresants pls theyre stressing you out i still dont trust komari she is maham anga's character for a reason" ALFKJSDLKFJSKJ THE WAY I CACKLED. She IS maham anga's character for a reason, but not this reason!!

The grade of suppressants Obi-Wan is taking are only meant to be used in the short term (a few years, with medically scheduled heats once or twice a year) in cases where it's not safe for an omega to be having heats. Otherwise, he should be taking regular-strength suppressants (with that same caveat of medically scheduled heats once or twice a year, along with a full detox every five or so years).

But uh. He's been taking them for twenty years. One medical heat a year, to mimic an alpha's biorhythm. No detoxes. It's a wonder his suppressants hadn't failed up until this point already. On top of all that is the new stimulation that he's getting from Anakin, which has his body trying to react like an omega (like Anakin's mate!!) and so it's also actively fighting through the suppressants rn. They're definitely failing, but they're failing slowly enough that he hasn't noticed. ((Also the idea that they'd fail is so inconceivable to him…. he's definitely not a doctor, lol))

I get you on the jealousy honestly I would HATE if someone did that irl but I'm such a fucking sucker for it in fiction. Anakin will cool down about it once he feels more secure, but I feel like it's necessary for his character to go through that development rather than being chill about Luminara from the get-go.

"poor baby had all his childhood dreams broken like sugar glass" LITERALLY 😭😭 I wrote a post a while back about how Obi-Wan didn't want to tell Anakin about his designation yet because he was too afraid of losing him. But now (he thinks) he's lost Anakin already!!

Luckily, Anakin will convince him that he wants to stay. So yes I'm putting Obi-Wan through the horrors, but. Ultimately it's so that he can heal and move on

And I'm so happy you like my writing style, I think it's really grown into itself (and grown on me, too) over the course of the fic! Good luck on your writing competition -- I'm sure you'll do well 💖💖

[ikilledamanforthisurl]

Minami Anon x3 but so real………. Yeah idk how old he's meant to be but he very much gives me like 21-30 35 at oldest age range vibes. Which I think/agree is a factor in Why He Is Like That. I know its technically noncanon but i also think a lot about the implications of Minami once never drinking but then when he discovered fire breathing he started drinking 24/7 from this one scene w Majima in dead souls like hmmmmmmm….. wonder what’s going on there buddy…….. something you'd like to share with the class Minami about how you perceive yourself/any potential wants for attention. Anyways it’s okay if the you sound untranslatable I understand and also relate to that feeling of 24/7 thinking i come across as incomprehensible 💖 no pressure to do so but I would personally love to read that Saejima teacher ramble and how it affects Minami etc etc also

ohhh man it's canon. if we're taking rggo's scraps as having some relevancy then dead souls absolutely is canon. and more importantly, its canon TO ME (takes consecutive puffs of my copium inhaler)

yeah i had this at the ready. yeah. i tear my shirt open and it has "the line from dead souls where Majima outs Minami as a fucking square" tattooed across my chest. not the line itself but those exact words. i cannot describe how his charm shot thru the fucking roof to me when i heard he used to be completely straight edge!! what a fucking dork!! come here i'm giving you a wedgie boy

and then the ehhhh half-subjective half-objective tragedy of him succumbing to a vice to the point of functional alcoholism (or currently functional aud as some folks call it, which is unfortunate naming conventions for those who use australian currency) implying he's been a "pretty good drinker" for an extended amount of time. and the kicker is majima totally could not care less. there's no evidence to Him Specifically being the one who got Minami to drink but it's absolutely regular Family practice, if the boy wants to fit in with the Majimagumi he needs to top up!

hc shit-i-made-up territory but i LIKE to believe that Majima personally influenced him this way during whatever limited time they had in direct contact with each other (cause while you COULD have their dynamic between a twat who signed up + the twat who runs the business and nothing more its not as fun. a little too parasocial methinks) but this is 99% due to me finding a song that makes me imagine the perfect sequence for this (dont get me.started on Majimagumi songs. i like to delude myself into thinking i'll animate to one of them eventually). also considering the kind of man Majima was during Shimano-servant-era i feel like it wouldnt be too out of character. he's not a malicious person but by god he does stupid shit and hurts people so much in so many horrific ways he could not care less about putting some highschool level peer-pressure shit on the new recruit just because he's Bored. what's one more hurt person in the grand scheme of things.

Alllso... getting back on track..? WHY was Minami straight edge in the first place. it could be any reason under the sun but the way it's worded here really sounds like it took a lot of willpower to break his resolve to just have a sip, just tryyyyyyy it, yadda yadda. if Minami is as punk as i totally project unto him to be, then he'd be no stranger to lives lived in excess..... i could not tell you for certain that Straight-Edge was a Punk Thing in pre-2010 Japan whatsoever. an attitude, sure, but i'm talking music scene shit........ however, gigs involve lots of booze at the bare minimum regardless of country. 'tis just the way of life. and 'tis a plausible outlet for WHY he seemed to have such a strong unwillingness to drink....

you know, outside of other stuff like experiences with friends and family. those can work too. those are considerably more sad and personal... those can work alongside gig culture shit. i dont have anything explicitly outlined but its definitely something i'd like to write for him... make up a little backstory so i can maybe explore some themes that RGG wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole, like addiction. it interests me a lot and getting it somewhat RIGHT interests me a lot. i know for sure RGG would fuck it up LMAO

[cerealmonster15]

Hi! :D For the character bingo, maybe Hermie, Taylor, or Link?

WOOHOO!!! i did taylor here!

Hermie:

god he is SUCH a little freak and i love that about him kfjsdlfs, i really hope that now that SITUATIONS HAVE OCCURRED we will get More Hermie Screentime bc hes such a goofy little oddball. i think it's sooo silly how anthony, at least how i perceived it, had him first show up as this freaky little incel, but then after like one(1) episode he was like "no way, im not roleplaying that permanently, he was just method acting the joker actually" and then the very concept of him being this weird little theater kid that's constantly costume changing [shapeshifting????] on a dime into batman villains to fit the situation is sooo funnyyyy fsdklfj. and god i desperately hope we get to see him interact with scam soon!!!!!!!!!

oh also i wasnt sure about the aesthetics since he - as far as i know - doesnt really have a canon design besides Sometimes Looking Like Batman Villains fkjds BUT a lot of the fan designs make him look soooo fun and interesting, and i also enjoy the ones where he just looks like a dorky little dweeb LOL. part of what got me to push thru dndads so fast was bc when i started s1 and id look in the tag, obvi i saw a lot of s2 stuff bc thats whats ongoing, and i wanted to know what the FUCK the deal was with hermie and his relation to like. scam. jodie. taylor [was very confused bc i hadnt gotten to the jodie stuff in s1 yet LOL] + his bond with normal.... it's been a wild ride LOL

link:

god he's like such an unsuspecting character in my eyes like sometimes i forget how fucking funny he is fkjdlsjfdlsj like some of his lines are the ones that have me in TEARS laughing and 9 times out of ten those lines are the ones that catch me COMPLETELY off guard. and they dont even have to be grand or showy funny zingers which i think is what i like about his stuff sometimes like flsdjfkds in the recent episode, opening the door to like the swat team and just going "uh -gentlemen 😐?" hes just. so silly. also love that hes just a straight up hater jfksdjfds hes such a cranky little caffeine deprived teen, it's double funny that hes a HERMIE HATER like jkfdsjfls BRO you and normal saved him from the cheese vat TOGETHER and then you wanted to leave him at papa johns to die!!! you cant just let all that work go to WASTE!!!!

[x]

[polyamorouspunk]

crush stuff !! very slight rant and then me gushing

we havent talked im a week and im going rabid and i dont want to text him Again for a reply but :((( AND and i dont even know if he likes women, or whatever gender i am (transmasc bigender ?) but lets be real everyone percieves me as a woman so . i know he likes men but otherwise idk and how do i Tell without just straight up asking ??

but anyways onto the sap shit :

my crush (he/they) made me come to the embarassing realization that my type is Nice People. like just give me someone warm and sunshiney with a sweet smile and i will be done for, doesnt matter if its more exciteable golden retriever energy or more soft and quiet, if they are extra nice then im down horrendous

with Them i was done for the moment they spoke bc holy shit that Voice it was the softest kindest fucking voice i have ever god damn heard and in our first 2 min convo they somehow managed to be The most considerate person ive ever spoken to and . ugh

also he offered to shave my hair for me once and if that isnt any punks dream idk what is 😔😔😔

“My type is nice people” well damn there goes me /s

Man not hearing from someone for a week would drive me crazy if I had a crush on them in an FP way. I would have to send a meme or something.

I feel that with the “everyone perceives me as Woman™️ anyway”. I mean I AM wearing a wlw shirt today so I can’t be like “why don’t people perceive me as a guy? I’m wearing a lesbian shirt :(” BUT yeah what is gender? What is plurality? What is singularity? Where do “I” end and “someone else” begins? I don’t know, so I just Don’t Talk About It With People Irl! If you like women cool we can date. You can perceive me as woman it’s fine. Because I would feel insincere being like “lol nooo gay guy I’m totally a guy like once in a while not really lol”. How do you ask without outright asking? Ask about a character or actress or something? Be like “omg isn’t uuuh Taylor Swift (?) sooo pretty man girls am I right haha-” ? Maybe ? I feel comfortable when guys I’m dating are at least a little bisexual so I can feel okay about being gender funky.

You should let him shave your hair for you, people doing your hair for you is so intimate. I mean like in a professional setting less so but I grew up with someone who was like my sister dying my hair for me and it was just two teenage girls (kinda) sitting in a bathroom listening to pop punk and talking about boys with piercings and life shit and like it was great. And then having anyone I love touch my hair makes me melt for real.

Don’t be embarrassed for having a “type”/it being “nice people”. I think that sounds really heal to y and good compared to me getting the bad boy of my dreams I always wanted as a kid and obviously carrying that drama that comes with having a “bad boy”. Good to try, get a little taste of, just not good to keep. Do it while your young and get it out of your system and all that in my opinion. Not saying I won’t go back to someone like that while I’m still young but when I’m older I hope I have people who are dependable.

Best of luck to you, it sounds amazing (minus not hearing from him/them).